#argue with the fears not me

[starshapedk0ffin]

The Magnus Archives is just Jujutsu Kaisen for an adult audience in podcast form

[n1ckelpistol]

"Last time i get in trouble for you, asshole" "Oh, come on"

[greenglowinspooks]

(DCxDP) The obligations of a rogue versus those of a parent (Pt. 4)

—

Tw: descriptions of body horror, Dr. Crane has PTSD and Does Not Realize, Crane has an actual panic attack and just doesn’t care, the Riddler makes one (1) sex joke about Batman

Will be crossposted to AO3 eventually

(Pt. 1 here) (Prev here) - (Pt. 5 here)

(Masterlist here)

—

Dr. Jonathan Crane is in his lab, the acrid scent of chemicals filling the air, and his hands are shaking.

Danny’s health, for the first week that he had him, had been steadily improving at an extremely quick rate. However, his healing had begun to stagnate. Danny said that it was because his body had run out of ectoplasm, and that while there was a lot of ambient ectoplasm in Gotham, he needed a stronger type in order to heal.

And so, that led Dr. Crane here.

He had stolen the research notes from the Penguin years ago regarding his experimentation on him.

(He quite vividly remembers the sound of bone creaking and groaning as it twisted, lengthened. The squelching of shifting tendons and muscles, the strange fabric-like tightening of skin. The feeling of going from man to monster, of losing all claim to his humanity.)

Danny had called him Liminal, part ghost. He had said that he was transformed by, among other things, a kind of synthetic ectoplasm.

Danny needed ectoplasm.

Crane had the research notes. He had every ingredient necessary. And yet, attempt after attempt failed.

The chemical smell burns his nose. His hands tremble.

Dr. Crane is not afraid.

He doesn’t feel fear anymore. He’s tried to, many, many times, but nothing has worked. And yet, his hands are shaking still.

(The horrifying sensation of vertebrae pop-pop-popping along his spine, growing and lengthening. The unbearable itching beneath his skin as toxin glands begin to form. The feeling of his teeth sharpening and elongating, of his skull growing, of his vision changing and brightening. The awful stench of chemicals. The awful stench of ectoplasm.)

Jonathan takes careful note of his shaking hands, his blurring vision, his accelerated heart-rate and shallow breathing.

(Human hands. Human vision. Human heart and lungs and organs.)

He takes note of them, but he does not let that distract him from the task at hand. Danny is not a chemist, but Jonathan is.

The boy knows enough about chemistry in theory, but he won’t go anywhere near Crane’s equipment. He seems to have some sort of intense fear of laboratory settings, probably developed during his stay with the GiW, and Crane is willing to respect that, if only because he cannot afford to lose him.

As such, Crane is the only one qualified to do this. And, unfortunately, if he isn’t successful the boy may very well die.

He heats the chemicals to precisely the right temperatures, adding each one to its correct container.

Dr. Crane thinks of the Scarebeast, that creature born of cruelty and greed and a sense of superiority. That creature which he tries to ignore is a part of him, that can never be removed. A damage which cannot be undone.

He pours the contents of a small beaker into a larger flask, watching the liquids swirl together. The stench in the air is becoming closer and closer to the one burned into his memory.

Crane’s whole body is wracked with unpleasant sensations. It’s truly unfortunate, he thinks, that despite his mind’s lack of fear, his body still reacts so harshly.

Jonathan’s eyes wander, eventually settling on a purple and green card sitting innocently on the corner of the table.

Right.

Even if they wiped out the GiW tomorrow, and even if Danny could survive without ectoplasm, he would still be in danger.

Crane has to get him back to good health. It’s the only way he can be sure that the boy can defend himself properly.

The solution in the flask begins to foam, and Jonathan does not hesitate as he adds the final ingredient. He pours the mixture into a new container, capping it and placing it into a freezer set to -40 degrees.

Hopefully this time he got the timing right.

Jonathan tries to relax, the ventilation in the room slowly but surely clearing the familiar smell from the air.

He thinks of the letter.

Surely, he thinks, that man can come up with some better material for his jokes. Or, at least something new.

Same old threats, same old attempted poisoning.

Aiming his threats at Danny, though, that was new. New and utterly unacceptable.

Scarecrow did what he had to.

He doubted that his solution would last forever, of course, as with that man it never did. As such, he would prepare both himself and Danny for the inevitable moment that his choices came back to bite them.

However, for the moment, they were safe. Danny could rest and recover, and Jonathan could figure out a plan to minimize possible damages.

Jonathan is no longer shaking.

He’s exhausted. This is his fifth attempt today, and each one leaves an unfortunate strain on his mind and body.

With a sigh, he settles himself into his seat at a nearby desk, opening up his computer and logging his most recent attempt. He still has to wait for it to chill to know if it was successful, but he can always update the logs later.

Once he’s done, he stretches, joints popping loudly as he walks to the freezer.

When he sees the results of his tireless work, the ghost of a smile flits across his face.

Success.

Jonathan picks up the jug of ectoplasm and leaves the lab, which is in all actuality the basement of the new apartment that he moved himself and Danny into after receiving the note. The scrappy old woman who was his landlord had told him that as long as he paid her five hundred dollars up front, she would let him set up in the basement without any questions or cop calls.

And so, the most expensive apartment in the Narrows was his.

At least, he thought, the distance between the basement and the apartment was short enough that Danny didn’t have to sit in while he was doing his labwork.

Jonathan knew that he didn’t exactly have a strong grasp on the concept of ‘lab safety,’ proven by his built-up immunity to almost every toxic chemical he’d ever encountered, and he doubted that Danny should be around such an environment.

He was back to the apartment quickly, not bothering to hide the self-satisfied smile on his face. Danny is sitting in his armchair, trying to read one of his books. Danny looks up, ready to greet him, when he sees the jug in his hands and pauses.

“Is that..?”

“Synthetic ectoplasm,” Jonathan says proudly, “I found the Penguin’s research notes and decided to recreate it, since you said that you needed it to heal properly. I’m not sure if it’ll work the same as what you usually have, but I hope it’s helpful all the same.”

Danny is standing, now, and looking at Jonathan with a strange look in his eyes. He looks, Jon thinks, like he’s about to cry.

Then Danny is rushing forward and wrapping his arms around Jonathan, his scrawny form shaking.

Jonathan is, for a moment, horrified. Did he do something wrong somehow? Why is this child, who’s so afraid of touch, hugging him?

And then he hears Danny’s voice, and he knows that it was all worth it.

“Thank you,” he’s mumbling, over and over, “thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.”

“Of course,” Jonathan says softly, because what else can he say?

The boy cries in his arms for a while, and Jonathan briefly wonders what his life must have been like before, if a person like him can be seen as a comforting figure.

Then, Danny pours himself a small glass of the synthetic ectoplasm, putting the rest into the small fridge which had come with the apartment, and he settles back down, sitting in the armchair once again.

Jonathan sits opposite of him, and they chat with one another as Danny drinks.

Danny talks to him about the stars and tells him about different spaceships, and Jonathan makes sure to pay attention and ask the boy questions.

He doesn’t miss the way that Danny lights up every time he asks him something about his interests. He’s so passionate, so smart, a trait that he seldom sees outside of his fellow rogues, and Jonathan wants to encourage that.

It’s…nice. Peaceful, almost.

And then the front door flies open, because Jonathan isn’t allowed to have nice things.

“Jon,” a familiar voice rings out, “what the hell?!”

Danny is frozen in place, clearly terrified.

Jonathan heaves a sigh, turning to face the nuisance who’s entered his apartment.

“Eddie,” he drawls, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Edward’s face is red with anger as he invades Jonathan’s apartment.

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe it’s the fact that you sent a bunch of rogues a cryptic message and then dropped off the face of the earth for two weeks! I was worried, Jon!”

Jonathan hums in acknowledgement.

“I didn’t think it was that cryptic,” he says, picking up a book in order to pointedly ignore the Riddler.

“Oh, of course you didn’t, you straw-stuffed hickory dickory dickhead. I swear, you’re always—” he pauses, finally having noticed Danny sitting opposite of Jonathan, “—who is this?”

“My apprentice,” Jonathan replies, dreading the upcoming headache he was no doubt going to develop from Edward’s company, “he’s helping me hunt down the GiW. His name is Danny.”

Edward gasps dramatically.

“You—an apprentice?! And you’re letting him sit in the old man chair?! You don’t even let me sit in the old man chair,” he wails, draping himself over the headrest of the couch with a flourish, “Jonathan, I thought I knew you!”

“Edward,” Jonathan says, “get out of my apartment.”

“Oh my goodness, this is incredible. You’re becoming the bat!”

“I am not becoming the bat, Eddie, now get out.”

Edward has a shit-eating grin on his face as he waltzes over to Danny. Danny, who seemed terrified when he first appeared, is now looking at him with obvious amusement written all over his face.

“I mean, look at him! The hair, the eyes, the scrappy build. If you put him in one of those traffic light vigilante costumes, he could easily pass as a Robin!”

“I’m not doing this with you today, Eddie.”

“Riddle me this, Jon: I am a treasure hidden inside of a chest. You can break me, or steal me, or give me a rest. I can flutter, or pound, or attack, or drop, but if you don’t have me, you’re certainly fucked. What am I?”

Jonathan pauses for a moment before he groans, dropping his head into his hands.

“Eddie.”

Danny sits still, a confused look on his face as he repeats the riddle silently. Then, his face lights up in delight.

“A heart!”

“Jon, I like this one,” Edward says with a smile, ruffling Danny’s hair, “you are correct! A heart, something that I wasn’t aware that our dear Jonathan had!”

“Eddie, stop.”

“No, no,” Edward says, “I was worried about you, you deserve this. I mean, you even missed girls night! You never miss girls night!”

“Girls night?” Danny asks, absolutely delighted.

“Oh, of course,” Edward says, sprawling over on the couch, dangerously close to just laying in Jonathan’s lap, “we have it once a week. I’m invited because of Selina and Jon’s invited because Harley likes him.”

“And what does girls night entail, exactly?”

“Eddie,” Jonathan groans, “please.”

“Well,” Edward hums, “we usually paint our nails, or watch a movie, or gossip about the other rogues, and occasionally, we tell each other about any ‘encounters’ we have with Batman,” he says, raising his eyebrows up and down.

Danny’s jaw drops.

“Edward, shut up,” Jonathan says, an irritated tone in his voice that wasn’t there before.

“No way,” Danny says, “I thought that Batman, like, hated you guys or something. You mean he actually..?”

“Oh, the Bat is much like a bottle of liquor or a cheap cigarette, in that he was made to be passed around.”

Danny chokes on air.

“Edward Nygma,” Jonathan hisses, getting out of his seat and looming over the man, “get the hell out.”

Edward pales.

“Leaving, leaving!” Edward says, dashing away from Jonathan. He pauses, turning to flash Danny a quick smile.

“Remember Danny, I’m your favorite uncle! Not any of the other rogues, me!”

With that, he leaves, the room falling completely silent.

And, as per usual, that silence does not last.

“You full-named him?” Danny asks gleefully, “and it worked?”

Jonathan just sighs, sitting down on the couch and rubbing at his temples.

“Please, don’t take anything Eddie says seriously. He’s a moron.”

“Dr. Crane, please let me come to girls night with you,” Danny pleads, his eyes sparkling, “I promise I won’t embarrass you.”

Jonathan groans.

“Of course you won’t, Eddie will do it for you.”

“Come on, please?”

“I think we’re a bit busy with the GiW at the moment,” Jonathan snaps. He pauses as he notices the crestfallen expression on Danny’s face.

This boy is going to be the death of him.

“Perhaps, though, when all that is taken care of…”

Danny cheers, grinning wildly, and Jonathan is not at all relieved to see him happy again. Certainly not.

The rest of the day is relatively normal.

Danny works on trying to get information from the GiW database while Crane refines his his fear toxin, both preparing for a raid on the GiW base they located in Gotham.

It was only a temporary base, nothing of note, but there was a chance of discovering more bases through it, and that wasn’t something either of them were willing to give up.

Still, something like this would take time. Rushing would only lead to failure.

…

Late in the night, long after Danny is fast asleep in his room, Jonathan pauses.

The GiW are not the only threat out there. They aren’t the only threat to him or to Danny. Perhaps it could be helpful to reach out to someone with greater resources than himself.

He sends a quick message to Red Hood.

Hopefully, he thinks, everything will go smoothly.

—

[xxplastic-cubexx]

was talking to my brother the other day after i rewatched dark phoenix and he was like 'why is everyone so mean to charles in this movie?? were they always this mean to him ?? is it cause he's bald now- he lost his pretty privilege??' and i fear i havent recovered

[arkhammaid]

you know, i've been thinking a bit on why i like some drivers so much (charles, oscar, max). and i've realized, they all have something in common. they're so obsessed with something that they will literally always be on the floor for it. no way in hell they're getting up

charles for ferrari, oscar for his girlfriend and max? max for rocky.... they're pathetic white men and they move me with their obsessions

[necrotic-nephilim]

this is not a ship post, but something that frustrates me a lot in fanon concerning Jason Todd that attempts to soften Jason's return to Gotham for the sake of found family domesticity or easy hurt/comfort or just sliding him into the Batfam sooner, is they all seem to fundamentally misunderstand Jason.

because there seem to be a lot of fandom popular concepts of Jason coming home much sooner and just not having his whole Under The Red Hood arc. which in theory is fine and i can see the want to simplify canon to make room for your lighthearted more fluff-leaning concepts. but in everyone without fail, the way they address the clown-shaped elephant in the room is by having some throwaway line that "oh Jason quietly kills the Joker and moves on".

when the Joker being dead or alive is not the *point*. if by some chance accident, the Joker had died prior to Jason's return, whether by ridiculous freak accident, getting whacked by a fellow villain, hell even someone actually doing so to avenge Jason, it *would not* satiate Jason's anger. because Jason's end goal in UtRH is not to simply kill the Joker: it is to make *Bruce* kill the Joker. Jason's anger is directed to the idea that to Jason, if Bruce truly loved Jason, he would've killed the Joker. that is love, for Jason. compromising your personal values for love and not letting someone go unavenged. when Jason was Robin, almost every angry or misguided thing he did was born of love. he wanted to kill/hurt Two-Face because he believed Dent killed his father. he was so angry at Felipe because an innocent woman was dead due to that man's actions. he wanted to save his mother in a situation he knew he shouldn't be in because he loved her. his anger, his violence, it is driven by love and feelings of righting wrongs. that is how he thinks wrongs *should* be righted. that is how you avenge and *love* someone.

because so long as Jason's return to Gotham doesn't end in Bruce killing the Joker (which, it never will bc Bruce is Bruce), Jason will never forgive Bruce. you cannot wave away the layers of hurt and complicated trauma by killing Joker offscreen. because Jason will still be angry that Bruce didn't avenge him. in his eyes, that means Bruce did not love him enough. he was not truly loved by Bruce the way he loved Bruce. bc Bruce was Jason's whole *world*. prior to being taken in, Dick and Tim, they had support systems. they had loved ones. they knew what stability and healthy family love looked like. Jason *didn't*. and that's not to say that Catherine Todd did not love him with her whole heart and thus he loved her, but it certainly wasn't a stable and safe support system for Jason to grow up in. Bruce was Jason's first real sense of a stable, healthy life. and so of course Jason poured everything into Bruce and loved Bruce so devoutly. Bruce was his world. like he says, if it had been Bruce, Jason would've stopped at nothing.

so his betrayal is rooted in that he was not avenged, not that Joker is alive. so long as the Joker does not die by Bruce's hands, it will never be enough for Jason. (in this era, at least.) notably, this is also why i don't think it would change a thing if Jason knew the whole "oh Bruce wanted to kill the Joker but Superman stopped him" tidbit that fanon has really latched onto as a way to pacify Jason's anger toward Bruce. Jason knowing that wouldn't change a thing, in my opinion. because Jason knows Bruce. and a tenant of Bruce's character is that he grapples with murder *every day*. the whole point is how *easy* it would be for him. he is a human weapon, trained by killers, trained to be deadly. he is the greatest strategist to exist. he knows he could kill someone and get away with it. *no* trace, no proof, nothing. and he knows he *wants* to. wants to kill the Joker, Joe Chill, anyone who's hurt him that viscerally.

but he *doesn't*. that's the point. Bruce wakes up every day with that question on his mind, and every day the answer is the same. Bruce's morality is not a decision he made in an alleyway when his parents died, it's a decision he continues to make every day and he *must* continue to make in order to remain who he is. Jason is quite familiar with the fact that Bruce grapples with this daily. i do not think it surprised nor fazed Jason to know that Bruce did *consider* killing the Joker. that he wanted to. maybe even planned to. but a consideration, a want, a plan, is just a thought. it's nothing substantial, and substance is everything to Jason. at the end of the day, Bruce didn't. he was talked down by *Clark* of all people with an excuse of diplomatic immunity, as if Jason and Bruce don't both know that Bruce could've *easily* found a way to make it look like an accident or some other loophole. because he's Batman. there's always a loophole. he always finds a way when he actually intends to. but he never actually intended to kill the Joker. so he didn't. and Jason would know that there was never an intent. it's an interesting piece of fodder to add to the nuance of Jason and Bruce, but honestly, i think it'd make Jason angrier to have that excuse thrown in his face. as if Bruce hasn't beaten Clark half a dozen times by now. it's a flimsy nonsense excuse that Jason would rip to shreds.

so while yes, i understand the wish for easy lighthearted fanfic that doesn't have to deal with the nuances of canon, i think that Jason's character will always be so deeply robbed and altered if you try to fix his thirst for vengeance with an off-page killing of Joker at Jason's hands. it was never the point. the point was that -in his own eyes- he wasn't loved enough for Bruce to make an acception. he realized that not even his *death* would come before Bruce's Mission. Jason truly believed that Bruce loved him and held him as the most important thing in the world, and now he has proof that Bruce didn't. because the Mission mattered more.

i'm not saying i have a solution to this conundrum if you're attempting to solve it for fanfic/fanon, nor am i even saying it's a bad thing it exists. i just think it becoming overwhelmingly common has led to misunderstandings surrounding Jason's motivations and feelings about this arc and it's an unsatisfying solution that only seeks to pacify Jason's rage and his trauma responses for the sake of found family-ification.

[pondhue]

[fungerisms]

i feel like this entire interaction of them was a fever dream... likeee.. girl... why u noticing how soft his hands are?!??? i am insane... also just boasting abt how u think u would be better at survival than daan. COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED??? and the slight signs of worry of how karin DOES WANT TO MAKE SURE DAAN CAN SURVIVE EVEN WITHOUT A GROUP??? daarin outside train interaction you are everything to me.

screenshots taken from nocommentary cuz i dont have the energy to go get them from my own game.

[nikoisme]

It's pretty fun imagining Jon and Arthur meeting, but I think that at its core, their relationship has every chance to go to shit.

So here you have Jon, who needs to feed off of people's traumas and fears. Now here you have John and Arthur, who have been through hell and back, and god knows that they have seen some things. Yeah, it's obvious that The Eye would have a field day with Arthur's statement - but that's the point. Because how long before Jon starts going too far? How long before he digs up Arthur's most painful memories, how long before he forces the truth out of both Arthur and John? How long before Arthur and John have to relive their worst periods in life over again? Jon can just Know things about each of them, and they are both pretty private about some memories and facts. And Jon could always swear not to know things about them, however I think John and Arthur would be pretty wary of him still. They just don't like being vulnerable so soon and so suddenly.

And on the other side, you have Arthur, who is so desperate to know things, and here's Jon who just fucking Knows. You gave him the possibility of finally knowing everything. He can finally know how to find the Black Stone, how to get Kayne to fuck off, how to save both him and John. He can know where Faroe is. That's a lot of power that can be used in the wrong way. For example, Arthur could know if John is lying. We know that Arthur and John's relationship relies heavily on trust and opening up when they are ready, at their own pace. And yes, they could both swear not to demand Jon to spill the secrets. They have reached a point where they are capable of keeping that promise, as they have grown much, much closer. But the temptation would be there. How long before one gave in to it? Maybe it wouldn't be out of malice or curiosity. What if it simply slips out of Jon's mouth one time, and they find out something that wasn't meant to be said just yet? And it's pretty known that arguments between John and Arthur escalate really fast. So that presence of knowledge, when they are built on trust in each other, would not be so good.

So this is a pretty negative outcome. Obviously, none of this would ever have to happen if enough trust is built - i think they are capable of that. And that's what makes them so compelling to me. They would need to learn to trust themselves as well as each other in order to work out.

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[pasdetrois]

Marina Dyachenko and Sergey Dyachenko, Vita Nostra (tr. Julia Meitov Hersey) • Mircea Suciu, Camouflage (2) • Agostino Arrivabene, Immutatio • Matthias Claudius, "Der Tod und Das Mädchen" • Henry Fuseli, The Nightmare • Dragan Bibin, Pull (edited) • Maria Kreyn, Angel's Back • Franz Wimmer, Death and the Maiden • Mel Chin, Bat and Dove • Ana Sanchez, Death and the Maiden

[sleepy-crypt1d]

massive collection of COF/AOM hcs i guess idk lol:

edit: i am putting it under the cut because i got carried away and this post is actually massive and i cannot do that to you i am so sorry

Trigger warnings:

suicide mention, cult mention, drug mention, stalking and obsession mention, abuse mention, hanging as punishment mention. general warning for standard COF/AOM stuff.

Sophie:

19 - she/her - bi

into taxidermy and entomology - specifically the art of it, wants to make art out of animal bones and bugs rather than simply preserving them. thinks of them as memorial pieces, making beauty out of tragedy.

is an older sister to a brother still in middle school/about to go to high school. she tutors him after her classes and before her parents get home.

works at her parents convenience store off and on when they need it. its just down the street from the college and they live above it, keeping her out of student housing.

studying to either be a professional taxidermist/bone artist or mortician. her mom wants her to be an artist while her dad insists she gets a 'real job'.

likes to knit. loves making gifts for people and learning how to make her own clothes. she makes gloves for simon in the winter and knit a sweater for her cat once. he hated it.

has an old senior tabby cat she lovingly named beef stroganoff.

has several spots in the woods where she checks for dead animals to preserve/collects bones from. simon always goes with her under the guise of 'making sure she's safe', she thinks it's just because he wants an excuse to get out of the house. the first few times he hated the sight of them but has since gotten used to it. david has not.

struggles with depression and anxiety just as simon does, it's something they bonded over when they met.

her and simon met in high school. her and david met later on at a party when simon introduced them.

her room is always messy but very cozy- each wall covered in framed photos, posters, art projects and random decor she finds at thrift shops.

she's close with her family but hasn't told them any of the things simon has done. she doesn't want them to worry about who she's hanging out with, or trying to stop her. she also doesn't mention david's past when they eventually meet him and start asking questions.

likes going out to parties and concerts and big get togethers but she doesn't have the chance to go very often. she has a group of friends outside of simon and david but she doesn't see them nearly as much as she would like to.

loves deer. has a stuffed animal deer she's had since she was a kid that she never sleeps without.

lives off peppermint hot chocolate. it's a problem.

has a collage on her wall of all the photos simon has taken of her and him together. some are of just her and others are of spots that are important to them. she thought about taking it down after his confession but decided to keep it up after he started to get better.

doesn't smoke but never cares when simon does. he tries not to around her and she always has to remind him that she doesn't care.

she's the one who got simon into urban exploring. once breaking a window with a rock and simply saying 'whoops' before climbing in where in he chased after her terrified of her getting hurt.

loves her studies but hates being at the school. gets picked on a lot and doesn't like being stuck there for hours. she's gotten better at standing up for herself but would rather fade into the background most days.

has thought about moving away before but feels stuck on where she'd go and what she'd do. doesn't want to leave her friends or family but feels stagnant in Stockholm.

loves wearing bracelets and necklaces and rings- has made a lot of them herself in her ceramics class and by picking up bead work from her grandpa.

struggles with depersonalization and derealization causing a lot of her days to blend together, hours, days, weeks of her life feeling like she never lived them. she fills out planners and calendars and journals in an attempt to hold onto the memories but most of the time she doesn't even recognize her handwriting. her brother helps ground her, something to focus on, a way to remember what day it is and where she needs to be, same with her projects. it's not a perfect solution, but it's all she has.

fucking adores Christmas it is her favorite time of year. she is insanely prepared every year and has perfected the act of gift giving to an unsettling degree.

Purnell is a therapist she was recommended when she went to the school counselor after a particularly bad episode, she didn't end up going but later passed his name to simon. she doesn't know if he ever went either. she hopes he did.

has a lot of nightmares. she wakes up from them frantic and convinced something is wrong- either with herself or her family, and gets anxiety sick around them. she has trouble sleeping and has made a lot of late night concoctions from recipes off the internet to get herself to pass out.

gamer but casually. except for that one time she stayed up for a solid 26 hours grinding in a game and then missed school for three days. enjoys simulator games and cozy mystery stuff. was introduced to silent hill by simon and she's been hooked to horror since though.

Simon:

19 - he/him - bi

loves photography and wants to be a either a photographer or a filmmaker. he loves movies and talks about them constantly.

single child. it's only him and his mom and sometimes his aunt who visits from a few towns over every few months.

his dad died when he was younger- this is where he gets his switchblade from. it was a gift that he cant seem to let go of.

his moms is so worried about him partly because of his dad's death and due to his suicide attempt when he was 16. she's overprotective and constantly wanting updates on where he is and who he's with. he's never liked it but knows it's coming from a place of love so he always responds.

adores horror. reads a lot of horror books and binges horror movies. has a top ten list that he will recommend to anyone who will listen. his taste is kind of ass but his friends love him for it.

favorite color is red and buys Everything in said color. phone? red. jewelry for his piercings? red. pajamas and casual wear? red. lighter? red.

likes going out for really late walks when no one else is awake. it calms him down and makes him feel like he can breathe. he sneaks out a lot and comes home once the sun comes up before his mom wakes up.

his mom works two jobs to keep them afloat so he's alone a lot of the time. after his dad died they had to move into a smaller house and she had to work more hours to pay for his school. he tries helping out when he can.

he works at a movie rental store and hates every customer with a passion. sophie and david come to pester him most days and they're the only thing that keeps his attention on what he's doing. unless someone asks him for a recommendation. then he won't shut up.

has a cat named molly. she's a long-haired calico he found as a stray in his neighborhood that he couldn't help but bring home. david told him to name her LSD. he took sophie's suggestion of molly instead. he still hasn't realized she also suggested a drug name yet.

he feeds the stray cats in his neighborhood outside his bedroom window. even after his mom got on his ass about stopping doing that since it was attracting so many of them. he ignored her, obviously.

has an extensive music collection that he rarely shares with anyone else. sophie has gotten a peak at it once but he keeps it very close to his chest. she isn't sure why.

he likes drawing and painting. he doesn't do it very often, not having the money for expensive materials or the space but he still enjoys his art class at school and keeps a sketchbook in his bag when he leaves the house.

his phone is constantly out of storage due to the amount of pictures he takes. he fights with it daily to keep the ones that are 'super important'.

cuts his own hair and doesn't really care what it looks like, just that it's There. he wears his hood most of the time anyways so he barely pays it any mind.

likes taking photos of his friends and his family. he likes reminders of when things are good, physical things he can look at and hold when his depression gets bad.

struggles with depression, anxiety, and paranoid hallucinations. he doesn't know what causes them and tends to hide them when he has them, not telling anyone except for sophie, who attempts to comfort him but has a hard time doing so.

got over his crush on sophie after realizing how much he had scared her. how much he had hurt her accidentally and how sick it made him feel when he realized who he was turning into. he isolated himself a lot during this and has only started to get better after opening up to purnell- who sophie insisted he see- and david, who lets him rant as long as he wants when they smoke together.

he met david downtown when he nearly ran into him and they got into a fist fight before sitting on the curb together and smoking with broken noses and shitty lives to talk about. he was nervous about introducing his friends to each other because he didn't want sophie to be worried and he didn't want david rubbing off on her.

knows how to use so many guns because his dad used to take him hunting. he didn't learn a lot and his use of firearms is rusty but it's enough.

keeps to himself in school and doesn't really talk to anyone unless spoken to first, and even then he's really awkward. he's got anger issues and has a hard time not defaulting to aggression but he's working on it. he's trying to, at least.

wears mismatched socks everyday like it's a competition

UNBELIEVABLY messy eater- a lunch tray hates to see this man coming. it's gotten so bad to the point he just washes all his own dishes because he cannot eat without a mess to save his life. also a fast metabolism so he's constantly snacking or stealing food from his friend's houses

has an old laptop that he's had since middle school. it was his only Christmas present one year and he has drug it everywhere with him since. it's screen has a crack across it and the keyboard is dented in on one side. its loved, is always what he says.

gamer but doesn't really mention it to people. has an unhealthy amount of hours in the games he enjoys and makes a point to 100% everything he does. has weird niche knowledge about the development of his favorite games and has a really hard time not spoiling twists for people when he's excited. has on more than one occasional completely ruined the experience for sophie and she has never forgiven him. enjoys story driven games and horror/stealth based stuff- would adore the first outlast. he plays shooters but has a hard time focusing on them and loses interest pretty fast.

love/hate relationship with his photography professor. he's one of his best students and his teacher loves his work, praising it's ability to capture 'melancholic normalcy' he calls it, but simon also has a horrible time turning things in on time and thinks his teacher's assignments are lackluster, constantly pushing the boundaries of what he's allowed to turn in. he knows simon has a talent, he just isn't using it properly. not in class at least.

earbud user. constantly has them on him and has had to replace them an embarrassing amount of times, he wants to use headphones but he hates how they feel over his hood and under his hood so he sucks it up and uses earbuds.

Always has bandages on his fingers from picking at his nails until they bleed and from frequent paper cuts from his journal- namely from ripping it's pages out- so he goes through boxes upon boxes of them on small scrapes and cuts. The same treatment is applied to his sneakers, of which he's had since high school, that are held together with duct tape and love.

David:

23 - he/him - gay? he doesn't know but like, he has a hunch

oldest brother to two younger sisters. one of which he still talks to and one he hasn't seen since he was a kid.

doesn't talk to his parents. occasionally gets a call from his mom that lasts for hours but then doesn't hear from her for months. he and his dad don't get along.

out of rehab and working at a diner in Stockholm as a cook. he makes good enough pay to have an okay apartment and a car but doesn't have a lot of stuff. he's getting there.

moved to Stockholm after the events of AOM and needing a new start. he wanted somewhere to start fresh. more or else that's what he's getting.

knows a lot about mythology and different religions, going on tangents about the topic when he's high or sleep deprived, always startling sophie and simon with just How Much he knows. they always ask about it and he brushes them off.

he was raised in a cult. his parents extremely religious and overbearing as he was growing up, leading to his desperation to dissociate. this is why he and his dad don't get along, and why he cherishes the small connection his mom still attempts to make with him. his sister he still talks to got out sometime after he did, but the youngest didn't, and neither of them know where she is. he always tries to ask, his mom never has an answer.

still struggles with his addiction. he's doing better, but some days are worse than others when all he wants is to go back. those days he usually picks up more shifts at work or calls simon to see if he's free to go break shit in the woods.

he experiences hallucinations. voices and images and things that aren't there a common part of his day to day that he's surprised simon can relate to. they don't talk about them much, but both have a silent understanding whenever the other just wants to sit and let the world pass.

clicked with sophie really fast when they met- she reminds him of his youngest sister, and he sorta treats her as such. she noticed but hasn't brought any attention to it, enjoying the experience of having an annoying older brother who she can pester.

he likes to play guitar, wanted to be a professional guitarist but never had the chance. his sister keeps telling him to go for it again, that there's still time, but he can't see it going anywhere. he refuses to play for anyone else, only letting her hear what he's working on or what he's relearned to do after so long without touching the thing.

watches a LOT of drama shows and trash reality TV. has frequent noise complaints from shouting at his TV.

has a roommate named lydia who he has a tense relationship with. she's constantly on his ass about the mess and general upkeep of his own room and he's on her all the time about the shitty friends she brings around and how much noise she makes when he's trying to sleep. he's been kicked out enough times to know he needs to find another place he just doesn't know where to look.

wants to get a dog but has a hard time finding apartments that are pet friendly. wants to rescue one from a pound or shelter since it reminds him of the dog his family rescued when he was a kid.

isn't Swedish but is slowly learning the language to better familiarize himself with the city- simon and sophie help out and he's always embarrassed about how much he messes up or how he needs help from- in his words- 'a bunch of loser teenagers'

has a beat up old flip phone that has survived through many different moves, a trip to rehab, several breakups, a mid-life crisis, and getting run over like three times. it is stronger than any of us.

gives simon rides to class when he doesn't want to take the bus and each time simon has a new CD to add to his already bursting case that can barely fit in his glovebox. he never tells him no. he sometimes wishes he would though, the kid's taste in music is unbelievably depressing. one time david told him so and the next time simon got in his car he chucked a kids bop CD at him to prove a point. david played the entire thing in front of him for a week.

only shaves if forced at gunpoint- usually by his sister or coworkers.

terrified of hospitals and hates going if he doesn't have to. was once stabbed and begged lydia not to take him and to just deal with it there. the wound didn't heal right and the scar is mangled across the side of his stomach.

always makes sure his car and/or apartment is full of snacks and easy to make meals because he knows half the time he won't feel up to cooking or he'll toss them at sophie and simon because he knows they barely feed themselves.

the first time simon and sophie saw him in just his turtleneck without his hoodie over it they thought he was a different guy.

he likes writing music in his free time, random lyrics and meanings and thoughts written in the margins of his notepad or scrambled in his phone on break, he gets a lot of inspiration when walking around town or hanging out at the old abandoned mental hospital in the woods that sophie and simon always drag him to.

the scar under his eye is from an accident when he was a kid, tripping down a flight of stairs and hitting into a bookcase that knocked out one of his teeth as well.

really likes birds, knows a lot about them and is able to easily identify most of them. he has a lot of weird knowledge that he can pull out at random about all sorts of things.

gamer and is the worst about it. claims his taste is above everyone elses and he just, plays shooters and a lot of zombie games. gets bored of dialogue heavy games and simon has had to- on more than one occasion- smother him so that he doesn't talk through an important cutscene. has an insane amount of hours in farming simulator.

The reason he wears a turtleneck, other than constantly being cold, is to hide severe scarring on his throat from repeatedly being hanged as a child. It was a common punishment in the cult he grew up in as a sort of "use your breathe wisely or else we will take it from you". It was an extreme form of silence punishment for "talking back" to his parents or the leaders. This left him unable to walk or eat properly for days or weeks at a time, which is why to this day his voice is very hoarse and gruff, his vocal cords never really recovered.

[coffeeandjuice]

Gays really do be having the worst breakups without ever dating

In this essay I will be talking about Captain America Civil War—

[shinythingsarecool]

Hello tma fans, I am here to convince you why the buried is the best fear

Honestly, people overlook the buried way too much. The only time you cared about us was when there was that one coffin, and apart from that, nobody cares about the buried.

Which is weird, because in my opinion, it is just hands down the best fear?

Like, there's nothing wrong with it - it's all just really nice and chill, and good vibes.

"Oh, but I don't want to be crushed by multiple layers of earth" ??? the fuck do you mean 'crushed', that is an earth hug. The earth is hugging you. Because it loves you. So don't be rude.

Also may I add that the smell of damp earth or like that cave or dirt smell is really nice? I don't care if you disagree, fight me, I'm right.

Are you tired? Well, why don't you go lie down in a grave and let yourself be consumed by the earth so you may become one with it again? Huh? Why don't you do that? Oh, because you're scared? Of what? The buried?

There's nothing to be scared of, let yourself be consumed by the soil, let your bones become one with it, let the earth hug you and let your soul finally, finally be at peace.

Name one fear that's better than the buried. I'll wait. (No, I dare you, name one fear better than the buried, I will argue my point.)

[hallowclave]

What a whimsical looking young man I wonder if he has received any job offers recently

Original photo

[chryseiswriting-blog]

Sunshine Court characters as music

Listen up, Jeremy Knox is Noah Kahan, and Jean-Yves Moreau is Taylor Swift, specifically The Tortured Poets Department (2024). Can I explain it? No. Will I hear otherwise? Also no.