#are you angry yet?
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y'know every time i feel guilty about bothering someone by singing along when i'm listening to music, i just remember that i have to tolerate my dirtbag brother screaming at his ps5 for hours every day so listening to muffled off-key fall out boy is probably preferable
#ramble#it's not loud btw it's just like. singing along in the car volume#not to get on my soapbox but there's a literal dent in his wall from his controller. and we're in the uk you CANNOT punch through walls#idk about anyone else but i've NEVER yelled at a video game?? like i'm absolute dogshit at 80% of them#and i've never had a PHYSICAL reaction beyond maybe 'ughh' then turning it off#if you're getting that angry maybe you just need to play different games because you're clearly not having fun#also added bonus that i didn't realise until adulthood. as a former daughter#cis son privileges are CRAZY#i don't even swear in front of my parents and my dude is just screaming actual slurs next door with NO consequences#like you wouldn't do that in public why is it ok to do it here#i think i've said fuck in front of my mum ONCE and i literally couldn't look at her the entire day#this is a box i am not ready to unpack yet akdhdh#is this just a my family thing or is this common
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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It’s everybody’s favorite lantern! Ingo's partner pokemon's very chaos incorporated. Inspired by the very enthusiastic asks in my inbox, which I’ll be responding to under this cut ;0 Wanna see more? Check out this submas masterlist.
@euos-the-cat AAA thank you! I took one look at that waxy gremlin and thought "huh. I can do something with this."
@eventhetiniestbugs Yo. YO. HEADCANNON ACCEPTED. Litwick really is sort of a beatrice, isn't she? Being Ingo (and in part, Emmet's) unwilling guide. Reluctant friend. Best found family.
@answrs Thanks!!! I love sneasler and I need to draw her more. It wasn't on purpose, but it seems I've accidentally wrote myself into a Sort Of chronological posting (oops!) But sneasler WILL appear later (hopefully BEFORE my hyperfixation fizzles out haha)
@raynavan AhHEhEHEHEH. I usually don't dabble with too much angst, but yeah. On the plus side, uh, more chandelure emmet interactions! On the down side, well.
@blueisquitetired You learn to like rice. It's a staple in your diet, and while you may think its bland and boring, it becomes something you can always rely on during meal time when things get dicey. Or, well. It was.
@moothebloo ...DEFINITELY SAVING THAT FOR LATER. CHANDELURE ANGRY SHARPIE BROWS LETS GOO. (Idk if you're into rottmnt, but uh that's some donnie behaviors that I definitely approve of.)
@gender-nuteral-nut-boy First of all, amazing user name. you get all the gender. second of all (points at picture) she's doing finnee! She's doing So Great. Don't Worry About It. ((She has emmet, and later the gear station, and even later maybe even elesa. But Ingo's Hers, and that's a wound that can't be easily staunched.)) @ghostlykryptonitenight Ah,, you see, your first mistake is thinking she'll Remember. : )
Head cannon: ghost pokemon are not a direct reincarnation of a dead soul, and are more like… say, the mold that grows from a coffee mug left out for too long. But they have fragments of memories and dreams of cherished ones. Chandelure knows Ingo’s alive thanks to their bond. She vaguely knows her propagator probably knew Ingo’s identical great uncle or something. But those pieces don’t really connect until Emmet’s research, and she’s tired and faded and the simple act of trying hurts.
(She would leap through space and time for ingo. Chandelure and Emmet would do anything to get their muppet back, even if it means to salt the earth and unearth gods.)
#art#pokemon#myart#sketchbook#chandelure#lampent#litwick#angry night light#ask#mailbox#haha gottem#ghost pokemon are weird#look im a fan of the carrot but sometimes to REALLY get your point across you got to get out a stick#anyways giving the sentient light fixture emotions is my best bit yet#submas
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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It irritates me alot when people say that making medic more compassionate is ''missing the point of his character'' when he is literally shown to be in the comics.... did you miss the part where he showed concern for both sniper and miss pauling's well being in comic 5 and 6.
His actions are a combination of genuine attachment + clinical interest and these things do not cancel out one another. He is always pushing boundaries and going against the grain and i think this is what led to him losing his license in the first place. He felt stifled by the rules imposed on him.
He is shown to be extremely passionate so it makes sense that he would use his endless fascination with medicine as a way to show his affection. He loves his friends so he will find a way to make them borderline indestructible. Malpractice is his love language.
#it makes me really angry how adamant some people are against exploring his sweeter side beyond just ''heehoo evil doctor''#idk how to tell you that giving a character a wider range of complexities and oftentimes contradicting traits#does not equal 'woobification'. him being friendly social and cheerful and fascinated with the world around him (which he canonically is)#is not the same thing as writing him as a helpless softboy. those two things do not correlate#he was visibly worried when sniper wanted to get back in the fight!#it's so abundantly clear that medic just misses social cues and doesn't always react accordingly#plus his quote unquote evilness is a joke it's not. something that is meant to be taken seriously#he's more comparable to a saturday morning cartoon villain except he is a protagonist#the way he approaches medicine to me is very similiar to#a child playing potions if that makes sense. he is throwing shit together to see what sticks#and having fun with it#i might rewrite this later to be more coherent because i have alot of thoughts on him that are jumbled together#and there is so much to say abt him#also i find it so funny how inconsistent he is. he tells them they all hallucinated before brain death#yet he personally went to hell multiple times. why did he do that#tf2#medic#tf2 medic#medic tf2#team fortress 2
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#how many of these posts do you think it would take for the average viewer to get it#i am (once again) full-on angry at this audience rn like genuinely this character is fucking wasted on you. learn how to read.#shouldnt need me to explain the BASICS of the show to you as presented ONSCREEN and yet here we are#spn#12.04#4.21#that last shot is very special to me btw lol The Family Men looking on in shock and disapproval#fic inspo#visual meta
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Highly specific gifset of Vash's angry face because we all love when our sweet blorbo goes 😠
#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#angry vash#it's probably that him being so calm and sweet 99% of the time#makes the scenes when he gets angry#more impactful#i'm used to shonen protags shouting all the time#and when they get angry i dont bat an eye#but him?#everytime he goes 😠#i get goosebumps#when he puts on the frown you know he means business#though i think we havent seen him really angry YET in stampede#the only scene when i felt a glimpse of real rage was the “thats enough” of the first gif#the fight with knives was more desesperation annoyance and anguish#probably their next encounter is gonna be raising hell#idk just rambling#my gifs: itachanta
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I think the two most obvious foils for Ludinus Da'leth across all of Critical Role are Essek and Keyleth, which is both fascinating given how different those two characters are from each other (Essek being a foil in terms of isolation, single-mindedness, harm in the name of ambition, knowledge, and other such wizard themes; Keyleth being a foil in terms of people who have lost something at a young age to the gods and bear resentment for it, political leadership, belief that the world belongs to mortalkind, and longevity) but also it's extremely funny that they both are the partners of Liam's character.
#i could write like a longer piece about it but that kind of sums it up#like. hm. how do i put it.#the thing about essek is like. he like ludinus made some IMMENSELY selfish and harmful choices#but the timeline was SHORT all things considered. ludinus didn't REALLY get going until hundreds of years post-calamity#and he expresses NO regret whereas the vibe with essek in 2x97 is that he's kind of hated himself ever since#and you know. maybe if someone had intervened with ludinus 400 years earlier he'd have done the same. but who would. does he have friends.#the thing about essek haters who aren't just angry shippers is that they all ascribe to ontological evil and yet don't ascribe it to ludinu#meanwhile keyleth is just like...the scope of her pain is somehow both smaller and larger#and yet she's able to see herself as part of a whole and not the center of the world#the fact that power and long life was much more naturally given or earned by her rather than seized is also i think part of it#but keyleth's speech this past episode in particular...it's a direct rebuttal of ludinus's dumb speech in 51#this can be your world without having to kill anyone if you're willing to work and grow and compromise and grieve#cr spoilers#critical role#ludinus da'leth#essek thelyss#keyleth
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Kokichisake-onna
*Happy anime narrator voice*: “And thus, Kokichi has once again successfully evaded the dread of emotional openness!”
Also here’s a random selection of derpy concept doodles for this comic :)
Thank you byeeeeee
#gonta gokuhara#gokuhara gonta#kokichi ouma#ouma kokichi#kokichi oma#featuring shuichi xD#ougoku#awwgoku#my art#I wanted to post it on ougoku day but work and migraines piled up on me and I really wanted to give this one the time it needs!#If you know the legend you know why Shuichi is panicking XDD#Look into Kokichi's eyeballs in panel 3 and see the sad hope against hope and yet! he still actively sabotages any comfort coming his way!#Is Gonta just kind or is his compassion a warped mix of compulsive fawning and misplaced empathy that keeps inviting menace into his life?#there's a secret sadness to this silly comic lmao and it's those poor sods' autopilots#I say laughing but by god do they need help#anyway enjoy! I might try posting more of Gonta ships I like - like this one; or with Shuichi; and some others 8D#btw I LOVE Gonta's scariest sprite - fantastic detail bc it does look like a snarl and ofc a wild child would imitate animal expressions!#and 2 out of 3 times he uses it he's actually NOT angry but hyped or frustrated - both cases also smth I appreciate for certain reasons#his actual 'serious angry' sprite is far more toned down in comparison
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Since it's StephCass week, I wanted to share one of my fav StephCass moments, from Batgirls #16. Cass' promise to never abandon Steph hits so hard when thinking about their relationship in Batgirl (2000). They have so many good moments it's easy to forget one of the longest running threads in their relationship: Steph leaving Cass, and Cass letting her go.
From Batgirl (2000) #28, #38, #53, #54. It all leads to their final confrontation in #55:
Before she can give chase, Cass gets called away by Batman. Though rooftop tag is a cute tradition between them, in reality Cass never chases after Steph, not once; this final time, letting Steph go results in her death. Of course it's not Cass' fault, as much as it's not Steph's, but she probably does blame herself in some capacity.
Which is why that moment in Batgirls #16 is so moving. For two people who have been torn apart time and time again, sometimes by external forces, sometimes of their own volition - for someone like Cass, who spent most of her life without someone to come home to - finding someone who stays, who fights to stay, is incredibly special. They won't leave each other alone. They never will.
#stephcass#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#thinking about batgirl 2000 again#pretty sure out of the like 8 issues steph appears in 50% of the time she's angry at cass by the end#yet she keeps coming back. they keep coming back to each other#ive discussed elsewhere how patriarchy is the main thing that divides steph and cass specifically bruce as the patriarchal figure#so them coming together is a consistent defiance of him and what he stands for#the power of feminine community to overcome the things that keep them apart#stephcass week what have you done to me#logging on to the most beautiful fanworks in the world everyday... oh stephcass artists and writers you deserve the world
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2.08 And That's the End of It. There's Nothing Else.
#interview with the vampire#iwtvedit#vcsource#armand#assad zaman#never over the bonkers way he looks at Daniel here the script was like 'he's angry' and i think he's *trying* man but the shock and fear is#so overwhelming all he can do is wiggle his head like a bird i guess that's a *little* threatening uwu#Finally breaking eye contact to go try to Save His Marriage we'll table this for now!! wait here Daniel i'm not finished 🥺ing at you yet
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Something about Dumbledore being so hard on Snape
Dumbledore being scornful of Snape even when Snape was on his knees
Dumbledore emphasising that Snape made a mistake and must pay for it
Dumbledore who kept reminding Snape of his mistake even when he was grieving Lily
Dumbledore who didn't just let Snape change sides, he needed Snape to change his heart
Dumbledore who made the same mistakes as Snape and has been living in guilt ever since
Dumbledore who realised Snape was following in his footsteps
Dumbledore who may have started out thinking of Snape as cowardly or selfish but soon grew to trust him
Dumbledore who gave Snape half truths because if worst came to worst then Voldemort would have all the information right on his arm
Dumbledore who trusted Snape enough to not lie to him about the fact that he wasn't telling him everything even though he knew Snape resented it
Dumbledore who trusted Snape so much he knew that even if Snape resented him he would not betray him
Dumbledore who left everything he worked for in Snape's hands knowing it would be safe
Dumbledore who asked Snape to be the one to kill him, not just to save Draco's soul but for his own sake
Dumbledore who chose to die but only at the hands of someone he had grown to love
Dumbledore who once saw Snape as a desperate selfish boy that disgusted him
Dumbledore who made Snape his heir
Dumbledore who made Snape his.
#these two just make me so incredibly feral#while snape was a mirror of tom and harry he was also a mirror of dumbledore#not just a mirror but an echo#a following#he followed dumbledore's footsteps#and dumbledore must have seen this. seen snape and seen himself#dumbledore never quite forgave himself for his mistakes and thats probably why he was so harsh on snape#because he was angry at himself and that anger passed down to the one who followed his footsteps#the one who inherited everything from him#the two are literally father and son like their story is woven like that of a father and son#from snape following dumbledores footsteps in going to the dark and accidentally indirectly killing the one he loved#to his returning home like an estranged son begging his father for help#to their dynamic of a stern father and a son who has too much expected of him yet rises to meet that expectation#severus snape#albus dumbledore#pro snape#pro albus dumbledore#also that line “snape was Dumbledore's”#do you understand how much that makes me feral?#he was Dumbledore's. just that. Dumbledore's.#he wasn't his son as such but more than just his spy teacher even more than his friend#and the way harry was Dumbledore's man so fiercely loyal and trusting and how he saw dumbledore as his protector and father figure#and how Dumbledore loved him despite trying hard not to#that line “snape was Dumbledore's” echos harry and Dumbledore's dynamic#Snape was Dumbledore's. what exactly was he of Dumbledore's doesnt matter because you cant define it#just that he was Dumbledore's
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For my American mutuals, results are not official yet. Nothing is official yet. They have not won. And even if they do take the election, they only win the minute that we give up. If you lay down and act defeatist about this that's when they fucking win. It's hard not to feel hopeless in this situation I agree, but complacency is the only way they'll get away with fascist bullshit without opposition. As it stands right now, in America we still have the constitutional right to protest. So fucking do it. Use your voice: especially if you are in any majority group, especially if you know those who can't for whatever reason. You will not lay down and accept this; none of us will. They will not win as long as we can still breathe, as long as we can still speak up. Hold your fucking ground, stand for who you are, and don't let them take away your will
#im sorry im just in a wave of fucking emotions tonight and im angry and i need to fucking say something#im angry and im anxious and im depressed and im disappointed but its not over yet its not over its not fucking over#i hate how much this stupid country affects the rest of the world#in the meantime build community. donate to those in need. help the others around you#it is harder for them to break us when we are together#us politics#uspol
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To be fair, this isn't just happening in America - it's a worldwide hysterical blindness to seriously fucked up agendas coalescing before our very eyes with virtually no resistance.
#next up: collapse of the dollar#but was it orchestrated or just a result of the p@ndemic?#but also ... did the coof happen naturally or was it sythesized in a lab?#it seems even reputable news outlets are asking the question now#if so ... billions were alienated from other humans the world stopped amd millions died#and now they want to reset the economy to a globalist digital currency while millions die of starvation in the interim#are you angry yet?
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like many who have suffered at the hands of bbc merlin before me, i recently indulged in a thought experiment in which i outlined my own version of seasons 3-5 that stay thematically and tonally in line with the show (except they're less fucking stupid). but then i quickly realized that focusing on details is pointless: all you need is to solve the one Big Problem the show has, and the rest will follow. the problem in question? ✨morgana✨
i like the first two seasons. s1 achieves what it sets out to do and has fun while doing it, and s2, while flawed, sets up a ton of potential that the following seasons unfortunately squander, beginning with the insidious season 3. you can only distract me with cute knights and goblins and fart jokes for so long before i start seeing through you, evil, evil season of television.
my hypothesis is that if the writers had crafted s3 morgana into anything more sympathetic than a violent half-alive poltergeist that can never be reasoned with because she's suddenly terminally off her rocker, everything would've fallen into place. a sympathetic morgana would've made real, valid arguments against uther (and arthur) that wouldn't just be the ramblings of a woman possessed. her betrayal of arthur would have stemmed from her feeling increasingly morally superior to him because of his complacency in the face of their father's tyranny. under morgause's guidance she would stop believing that arthur is capable of change, and the whole point would be that she might actually be right. arthur would have to actively try and prove her wrong, instead of getting praised for doing the bare minimum because the bar is on the floor.
furthermore, morgana's prophetic dream about arthur and gwen becoming king and queen and her decision to prevent this however she can is a direct parallel to merlin learning about that same prophecy and making it happen by any means necessary. merlin's desires about his and arthur's futures are subtextually fueled by gay love and devotion, so why couldn't morgana's be? why couldn't she properly express her bitterness that arthur gets to be with gwen in a way she can't "took gwen away" from her, instead of suddenly declaring that gwen is nothing more than a servant, after two seasons of demonstrating again and again that she loves, values, and respects gwen more than anyone else in that godforsaken castle?
following this, an angry and emotionally volatile but still sensible morgana asking gwen to stay by her side during the coup of the castle in the s3 finale and gwen going behind her back to help arthur and the knights would've hurt like a bitch. double-sided betrayal! gwen having a real plot! the proper beginnings of a toxic yuri that would shape a generation!
then there's the utter hubris of having morgana shoot arrows at the same civilians she worried herself sick over for 2 seasons — even morgan, her medieval counterpart that was rooted in every sexist trope in existence, doesn't just go around killing senselessly but instead has (often petty!) personal vendettas against gwen, arthur, and the knights. morgana had every right to be sick of the pretensions around chivalry in camelot (she was always quick to mock it, even in s1), and to lash out at the knights and soldiers after years of feeling powerless in a castle full of armed men that blindly followed her oppressor. the show conveniently forgets that morgana was victimized as a woman as well as a sorcerer those first 2 seasons.
but like i said, this is not just about morgana. allowing her to remain a real and multifaceted character even as she betrays everyone in pursuit of her ambitions would've given the rest of the core four more interesting conflict to work with: merlin because he would have to experience real consequences to his actions, arthur because he would watch his sister go against his father (and his knights, and his birthright) and experience some actual internal dilemmas about it, and gwen because she would be forced to choose between morgana and arthur without the pretense that it's an obvious or easy choice for her to make.
even morgause and gaius would come off more interesting as mentors: neither one inherently evil or inherently good, both jaded by events that happened before our protagonists were even born, both heavily influencing morgana and merlin into fulfilling roles that they think are appropriate, but that morgana and merlin may not have chosen for themselves had they not been under their care.
you get the gist. if the show followed its own setup, morgana's mistakes wouldn't lie in cheap and senseless acts of violence but in alienating the people she loves because she is too hurt and jaded to trust them. meanwhile, everybody else would feel guilt over "failing" her and yet they would be too caught up in their own (sometimes flawed!) beliefs of right and wrong to truly see her point of view.
arthur would convince himself it was sorcery that corrupted her. merlin would know that isn't true but he wouldn't be able to argue without confessing everything, which is the defining conflict between him and morgana and it's cheapened when she's just an evil witch caricature and merlin is framed as inherently virtuous in contrast. gwen, too, would become a more active participant in her own life by choosing arthur over morgana and choosing to rule camelot with him instead of just waiting politely to see where things go.
and, of course, uther's downfall and death would be quick, final, and completely earned — when and why did the show even decide he of all people was the sympathetic villain, anyway?
lastly, and perhaps controversially, i think morgana should've learned merlin's true identity by season 4. her being the first of the main characters to find out makes perfect sense considering their shared history and their interconnected and mirrored arcs. even the show seems to agree, considering she does find out a little before arthur. but the narrative itself tried pointing flashing neon arrows towards this way earlier — there is a whole entire episode in s4 where merlin being emrys is repeatedly spelled out for morgana and she still isn't allowed to see it. that episode makes her look like the stupidest person to ever live, which is pretty funny im not gonna lie, but also another frustrating thing in the endless string of frustrating things that make up this show.
morgana learning that merlin has magic would've transformed the source of merlin's anxiety from a crippling fear of being outed someday to the crippling fear of knowing she could out him at any moment. this would make him want to beat her to the punch (perhaps he'd consider killing her for a minute and decide against it because she isn't a cartoonishly insane evil person in my version of events) and maybe he would even feel some tentative excitement at the idea of coming clean, now that it seems inevitable. after all, he always intended to tell arthur eventually! and i think gaius would have to admit outright that he does not want merlin to tell arthur he has magic because he, gaius, simply cannot risk such a gamble. it would be so interesting to see gaius and merlin clash and disagree once it becomes obvious that it's not merlin that isn't ready for the reveal, it's gaius. delicious!
with morgana's knowledge looming, things would inevitably spiral into a magic reveal by the end of season 4. i picture this season as an absolute mess of miscommunication between everyone at camelot, which is, y'know, canon. growing increasingly cunning and vengeful, morgana would use this tension to her advantage, destabilizing the court from the outside while she creates alliances with other sorcerers outside of camelot (instead of living alone in a hovel for no reason — morgana le fay i'm sorry i'm so sorry they gave you agravaine instead of your all-female entourage oh my god).
and here's where the events would change beyond recognition (aka here's where the meta becomes the fanfic i refuse to write). picture it with me: a militia of sorcerers infiltrates camelot and arthur and gwen have to set aside their differences (assuming gwen kissing lancelot and arthur overreacting happens, which it should) for the good of the kingdom as well as for love. picture high priestess morgana in her element, side by side with a bunch of misfit sorcerers that aren't so easily vilified, chopping down camelot's soldiers and knights and assuredly making their way to the newly-minted king.
then, just as it starts to seem that all hope is lost, in swoops merlin (the actual merlin, not his old fart disguise) on dragonback (kilgharrah hates morgana so much i know his sexist ass would stoop to anything to stop her)!!! imagine merlin showing off the extent of his powers in front of everyone and preventing the sorcerers from getting any further, declaring loud and clear that camelot is protected by him, by emrys. imagine that display of power alone being enough to send everyone home.
imagine the loyalties clearly drawn: merlin on arthur's side, morgana on the sorcerers'. imagine arthur, feeling confused and betrayed by everyone at this point, banishing merlin despite everything he's done for him in the angstiest, most emotionally dysregulated scene the show had ever put to screen. imagine merlin starting season 5 free at last but very lonesome, an embittered dragonlord like his father. imagine the absolute mess camelot would become without him, even with gwen — now queen guinevere — there to pick up the slack. imagine arthur actually earning merlin back, finally growing into his role as king as he does so. imagine the reunion.
all this and more could've been not just possible but inevitable if morgana was allowed to remain a complex character that is neither inherently good nor inherently evil: it was undeniably the biased and one-note treatment of morgana's downfall by the writers that set the precedent for literally everything else that happened after merlin chose to poison her. the show wouldn't have even had to jeopardize its tone or the monster-of-the-week vibe, all it would've had to do is admit that even the "good guys" are capable of mistakes and what makes them good is the ability to feel remorse and change for the better. (as opposed to uther, who was miles beyond redemption since way before the pilot and deserved to lose everything and die alone. OBVIOUSLY???)
in a world where morgana remains multifaceted and sympathetic, mordred would get a better arc as well, so if we really wanted to, we could still end on the same tragic note that the show ended on. with so much harm inflicted onto so many innocent people by the pendragons for so long (including mordred and the many druids and sorcerers that raised him), it could realistically end up being a little too late for anything more than one shining glimpse of king arthur and the sorcerer merlin's short-lived golden age before fate catches up to them. glimpsing that reality just to immediately lose it would've been far more satisfying and far more tragic than whatever the writers thought they were doing with all that pointless carrot-dangling.
and finally, an ending in line with morgana's new and improved arc. in this version, rather than bleeding out on the forest floor alone, she would channel the morgan le fay we know from the legends: sobered up by the reality of her brother dying, she would use her high priestess status (and perhaps also her pendragon status) to be granted passage over to avalon alongside arthur on the boat — a one-way ride — just to make sure he gets there safely. this is her penance for the harm she has caused, the same way arthur's penance is to die and leave the true ruler of camelot (gwen) behind to achieve everything he was too slow and indecisive to build while he still had time.
merlin's penance, then, would be to stay behind and watch them cross over without him, waiting and waiting and waiting until they come back or until he can finally join them. which is a bit fucking harsh if i'm honest, so i'd at least make it slightly more faithful to the legends by having him return as an old man and letting him take a long nap under a tree by the shore, his body slowly enveloped by vines like the cobwebbed fisher king in 3x08, never fully sure if he's dreaming or if there really are strange shapes fading in and out of the fog over the lake. still tragic, but nevertheless a little more open-ended and whimsical than [TRUCK NOISES] THE END!
#[johnny the dragon voice] ✨ MORGANA ✨#tldr: if you treat your villain with nuance then more nuance will follow and your story will be better for it! groundbreaking i know!!!#what im also getting at is that morgana broke free FIRST so she DESERVED to become the morgan le fay of legend#way before any of the others grew into their own roles.#morgana#bbcm#bbc merlin#analysis#merlin meta#theres no focus on the knights here but if you know me you know how angry i am about s4 and s5 gwaine at all times#so in a story with a more nuanced portrayal of villainy and knighthood i think he would openly question his choice to become one#and maybe he'd leave for a while#go home and sort out his daddy issues. have some fruity subplots along the way. visit merlin during his dragonlord era. that sort of thing#and interact with lancelot at least once!!! for gods sake#but i dont see lancelot surviving sorry. that dude will literally die for anything#also scientists and tv execs had not yet discovered bisexuality in 2011 and he already had everyone acting unwise#in ways that barely got past the censors :/ unsustainable#elyan however shouldnt have died. i know gwen ruling alone with only the lamest knights in her service is “the point”#but its a stupid point. elyan is her best knight and they rule camelot together. working class heroes etc.#poetic justice for their father who was murdered by uther + a fun narrative contrast to morgana and arthur#nightmare siblings of all time. banished from the mortal realm for their crimes. could never rule together. stinky#ANYWAY. I HAVE THREE (3) EXAMS DUE THIS WEEK. HERE'S TWO THOUSAND (2000) WORDS OF BBC MERLIN ANALYSIS.
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The most moderate, nuanced and productive people I have discussed the Israel-Hamas war with have been Jews, Israelis, and people with Palestinian family. Everyone directly affected by this just wants it to stop and to have peace and safety in the region in a way that minimises the casualty count.
The most extreme and performative and vile things I've been told are by people who have no connection to this and like to think they are experts because they have covered adjacent topics during learning, or read stuff online.
If all the randos in the west would just shut up for ten minutes and let those of us actually affected, with an understanding of the history of the land and the culture and the generational trauma experienced by Jews and Palestinians alike talk, we might actually have a chance to salvage this and stop it spiraling
#jumblr#antisemitism#i/p#nuance is something so easy to have and yet people choose not to#we are measured and non extreme because we dont have the privilege to be angry.#someone literally said that they wont ensge further with me because the topic makes me emotional#jews get called genocidal#palestinans get called Antisemitic#how about the rest of you shut the fuck up and let the adults talk#maybe youll learn how to problem solve and not be a bigot if you listen to those you so desperately want to hate#its pathetic#we all know hamas doesnt represent all Palestinians#we also know hamas teaches Antisemitism in schools in gaza and the west bank#these two things can and should co-exist in your head#that doesnt meam all palestinians are rabid jew hating murderers#it means the situation is complicated and not black and white and will take more than just screaming for a ceasefire to actually solve#we are not a football for your performative activism
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