#are they delusions? am i actually mentally ill? is it all actually my fault and everyone is trying to be nice to me by saying its not? 🤢 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nothing0fnothing · 1 year ago

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I noticed the comments you sometimes get from people with NPD… as I have. It makes me laugh because the way they approach it… the way they try to get their point across is by using the very techniques that they’re saying we can’t call abuse. Gaslighting… feeling as though they deserve special treatment and feel they have a right to dictate our feelings and using a term that is widely accepted and used in mental health, emotional black mail, insults etc.

Do they not realize this?

Hi there thanks for your support <3

NPD is one of those disorders, lots of people love to talk about it but very few want to actually educate themselves on what it really means to have it. I think because "narcissistic abuse" and "narcissistic personality disorder" sound the same they like to get discussed in the same circles, regardless of how little they have to do with one another. I do try to ensure when it comes up on my blog I deal with it in a way people with the disorder find respectful so I really appreciate you coming to this page being open about your diagnosis and your support. It means a lot to me.

I tend to get abuse on this page in two distinct categories. The first is really aggressive violent abuse. Usually from people who are self diagnosed with NPD or ASPD, usually they self identify as narcissists and usually their blog is full of edgy posts about how cool it is to be a narcissist or to have a cluster B disorder. The second are mostly younger people in with leftist ideals who have all the right politics but don't really have any real world experience in left leaning or social justice spaces.

The former tend to be the group coming in with the vile abuse. "I hope you die", "your parents should have beat you harder", saying "you deserved it" in my post replies and flooding my anons with cruelty. Usually this group don't stop till they are blocked and I have had some come after me on multiple accounts just to continue the abuse.

I had one who wouldn't stop even after I'd blocked 4 or 5 associated accounts, so I screenshot his blog with his vile comments and shared it to a cringe subredit. Very quickly he went from powerful abuser to wounded puppy, posing as his own partner in the comments begging I remove the post as people with his disorder can't help it and people who are not narcissists should know better than to hold him accountable. My post stayed up and he's left me alone since then, but it does open a door to explore the mindset.

Usually, untherapised and undiagnosed people who suspect they have NPD have an understanding of what it means to have the disorder that isn't consistent with reality. They tend to think that NPD is "abuser disorder" and therefore claiming they have it gives them the undisputed right to abuse and bully whoever they like, however they like, and anybody who calls out their abuse are being ableists for expecting them to behave in a way that is generally expected in polite society. To them calling narcissistic abuse what it is feels personal, they know it describes who they are and they feel that it is an unfair criticism of their selves, after all, its the mental illnesses fault they're a cunt, right?

Generally I don't like to reply to this type on my page. It only furthers the misrepresentation of NPD, promotes their own delusion that this is normal behaviour for NPD, opens the doors for their fan boys to flood my asks and falsely represents people with the disorder as obligate abusers. It really isn't useful to my blog at all.

They know they're being abusive, they think I am being abusive too, they think it's okay for them and not for me because they "have NPD" and I don't. They know its illogical, they do know better and they're aware of the optics of abusing someone for discussing abuse. This is why they hide behind side blogs and anon asks. To me they're a great example that personality disorders shouldn't be self diagnosed and as they have nothing of any importance to say, they get blocked immediately.

The latter tend to abuse via gaslighting and stonewalling. "I hope you die" is a common one in this group too but its also comments like "you have no right to use the term narcissist", "just call it regular abuse" and accusations that I am armchair diagnosing my abusers with a mental health disorder I routinely explain on my page has nothing to do with the way they behaved.

Usually these people feel rightous in their abuse because they are convinced that they are protectors and hero's for people with NPD who (for some unspoken reason) can't speak up for themselves. Usually they too are misinformed about what NPD actually is and will parrot weird ableist notions such as that people with NPD "can't help it." (Yikes) or will assume that my abusers had NPD based on the descriptions of abuse that I share on my page (I have never disclosed the mental health diagnoses of any of my abusers.) They beleive that narcissism and NPD are one in the same and that accurately describing narcissistic abuse is ableism against people with NPD for that reason.

Generally they come in hard with the accusations of ableism and insistence that every abuse specialist and victim advocacy group who acknowledge narcissistic abuse are ableists, but will quickly stop replying when I gently ask them why they think the solution to this problem is to harass strangers running abuse recovery blogs and victim support resources.

This type of person is absolutely blind to the contradiction in their "support." They genuinely don't understand how making statements publicly like "you just want your abuse to be special" and "I don't care what experts say this type of abuse isnt real" is super bad optics for the group of people they're claiming to be protecting. Every person new to this discourse seeing that won't assume that the person with the long heartbreaking posts about getting yeeted down the stairs as a 4 year old and is openly disabled and neurodivergent is secretly a hideous ableist out to destroy people with trauma induced personality disorders, they're going to think that to support people with cluster B disorders you need to be pro abuse and anti victim support.

What's important to me is that when people come to this blog they're not coming to a place that unfairly pins their awful experiences to a mental illness that nobody who has it asks for. Whenever I get comments, no matter how well meaning, that present NPD as a disorder that causes abuse, I have to break it down and explain how it isn't, not for people who think coming to my blog to gaslight and harass me to jump on my side, but for the people coming here for support who deserve to be educated on what happened to them.

#narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #answering anons #answered #narcissism is not npd #npd #npd posting #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic abuse is real #narcissistic abuse is not real

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lutawolf · 2 years ago

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Hi Luta,

It's me the anon who asked you that ask.

First of all, thank you for answering my ask. Thank you very much. Since I am anonymous it's actually ok.

Yes, I do follow you heavily and I have read most of the posts on your blog, that's why I decided to ask you. I was nervously waiting for your answer.

My dad is aware of my mother's illness. He and I were the scapegoats. She tried to file a police report against me and my father but it was stopped by my grandparents.

Currently my father is away at work . He can't be contacted very easily. He will come home in another 6 /7 months.

My mother has actually isolated us from almost everyone we know. She has bad blood with everyone she knows.

My little sibling isn't allowed to leave the house unless it's with her. I am allowed to leave because I have a job and university.

She has tried to get violent with me but I'm much stronger than her.

The mental health institutions in our country are terrible.They are mostly used for 'conversion therapy'.

My mother's rages are extremely uncontrollable. My siblings know that there's something wrong with her and are scared of her.

I have informed some of my closest friends about this issue. I will start documenting everything. She has these weird delusions all the time.

1. She hears sounds that we cannot.

2. She sees things which we can't see. (Eg: A person following her)

3. She talks [like whispers] to herself like she's talking to another person.

4. Has insane rages.[tantrums]

5. Takes revenge if she gets angry at us.

6.Makes food that we can't eat or gives us very little food if we do something to set her off . [Indirect starving, Has tried to poison us.]

7. Won't give us medicine if we get sick. Witholds medication if we make her angry so that we will learn through suffering. Confiscates medicine if she sees them.

7. Won't give us money. (Not a problem for me,but an issue for my siblings)

8.She does stuff by herself and accuses me of doing it.(Eg: Closes the door by herself and then comes to me and accuses me of closing the door.) ( It's like she does it unconsciously and then blames others)

9. Interrogates us in everything we do . I have to go through her interrogation everyday before I leave the house.

10. Sabotaged me from doing a job many times before and prevented me from having relationships.

She is an extremely beautiful woman but has a terrible personality. She is smart and charismatic and very good at manipulating people. In the beginning none of the adults believed me and my brother. Throughout my childhood she hid everything she did tome and my siblings. But from recently,she has started behaving the same way towards my father and her own family. She has this magnetic personality where everyone is attracted to her. (I don't understand how she does that. )She waits until you are fully deep in her web to start acting out.

I was so isolated throughout my childhood, my friends weren't allowed to contact me when I went home. I had a strict schedule and if I got low marks I would be punished severely. I understood everything after I entered university and started to do a job.

She specifically hates me because I'm her daughter ( She sees me as her competition, I think) and my dad is a very quiet man so it's easy for her to scold him.

Hey Anon,

Everything you've mentioned is pretty common in an adult that hasn't ever been treated. I wish I knew which country you lived in, so I could help find you resources because hun, you and your siblings need help.

Make sure you and your siblings follow all the advice I gave to treat someone in an episode. Keep as much physical distance as possible. Too many voices, loud noises, and general discord can trigger. This is not you or your sibling's fault. This has to be your mantra for yourself and them. This is your parents' problem, not yours or your siblings.

I know that you are thinking about how your dad needs to make a living for you and your siblings. That someone has to work. But you need to find away to let him know how bad it is. It's his responsibility to care and protect you and your siblings. That is not your job, despite the level of responsibility that you feel.

If she is at the point of extreme paranoia, then her delusions have her thinking other people are conspiring to hurt her. At the best of times, she thinks you are people that she has to protect from the intruders. This usually results in being moved around and being isolated to stay safe. At the worst of times, she doesn't know it's you and thinks you're the enemy.

Document, document, and document. I don't know of a country where it's legal to withhold food from your kids or hit them. Email your grandparents and let them know that it's getting physical. In most countries, there are grandparent rights. If you can't call, then email. Have friends get in touch with family members for you and local resources. Have friends get you food that you can stash for you and your siblings.

Make an escape plan with friends. This is going to be iffy because your mom can be charismatic and have the police thinking you're kidnapping your siblings. That's where documenting is going to be important, but do not let her find it. She is too paranoid. Hide it on the cloud, one drive, drop box, just something you can access from anywhere.

Be safe and if you ever need to talk. I'm here. 💜💜💜

#do not reblog

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nowis-scales · 2 years ago

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EdeIgard’s New Dawn Approaches…

As does the Engage liveblog, cause after I finish this path, that’s what I’m gonna do! As for Azure Moon, we’ll catch up on that once Echoes is through.

(Emblems:

❃ = Positive, not a problem

❋ = It is entirely neutral

✾ = It’s a bit negative, but it’s told in a joking way

✿ = It is negative and critical

Remember to filter #Fodlan Fault Finding and #Shut Up About Del as needed!)

❋ A noble sentiment, but it would probably mean more if, you know, maybe you weren’t actually directly spitting on everything Dimitri stood for by trying to take over his country, y’know?

I feel like this is a really good example of how EdeIgard gets painted by the fanbase as empathetic without actually being empathetic. In her heart, do I think she wants to do good by people? Sure. But does she really try to understand what other people are thinking, feeling, or desiring? Nope! She’s quite self-righteous, she thinks she knows best. So that’s why I’ve never really vibed with the secret uWu girl act, because like… no? This girl is not secretly a sweetheart, she’d like to be, but she’s not. She’s kinda more fun that way tbh, because it gives her actual moments of sweetness more of a chance to shine. For example, while we all know I think Petra doesn’t feel as close to her, I think it’s sweet that she does try in some capacity to be caring towards her. That’s nice.

Anyway, that’s a tangent. TLDR; Edie stop pretending that what you want is what all other people want. ❋

❋ Oh thank goodness we’ve got another genuinely good moment. ❋

❋ I will be by your side until Ashe shows up with that wedding ring and then I will drop you like a hot potato, but I can’t do that until the end of the game, so I suppose I will be? ❋

✿ Do you think this qualifies as inception? Cause like Arundel’s being impersonated by someone from TWISTD, right? So it’s like, two characters who exist mostly to make EdeIgard’s backstory sad layered onto each other? What would you call that, Woobception?

Alright, I’m sorry, I gave myself license to be mouthy because I really do not care for EdeIgard’s attitude in the confrontation between her and Dimitri, especially because we just go right back to treating her like a hero, but I’ll try to reign it in because I’ll get away from myself. ✿

✿ SHE WAS IN MY HEAD, EDIE

I WANNA SAY THAT YOU WOULD BE THE KIND OF PERSON TO SAY “um your mental illness is just in your head” BUT CONSIDERING THE KING OF DELUSION LINE, THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT INACCURATE AND WILL NOT SUCCEED AS A LOVING JOKE

I AM TRYING TO FINISH THIS PLAYTHROUGH NORMALLY EDIE, PLEASE HELP ME TO DO THAT ✿

✾ EdeIgard in Class: I want Rhea out of power, but I don’t want to hurt her

Also EdeIgard When the Moment Comes: Let’s just kill her and all of the Seiros people, bang bang!

Like I’m sure someone is going to say “that’s kind of a misinterpretation”, but I’m just thinking more in the context of like… peacekeeping work done by the Church, this could be a bad thing. Like the Church would interfere between Adrestia and Faerghus fighting, but if Edie’s all about full Adrestia, she’d want to get rid of that, wouldn’t she? ✾

✿ Call that a humble brag

Also I just need to point to the second last chapter of Verdant Wind

Also also if we’re actively advancing on Fhirdiad where the fuck are they supposed to go ✿

❃ “So when EdeIgard von Hresvelg says this, she is what the youth call a ‘girl boss’. But when I, the Seiros, also known as the Immaculate One-” ❃

#koto plays 3h #3H spoilers #shut up about del

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bradleysbradshaws · 1 year ago

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My experience in the Roosmav fandom is a cautionary tale, honestly, on having undiagnosed mental illness and participating in fandom.

I've talked about this, but this is the scary part for me. That these are perfectly kind, normal people. I know that they are kind and normal, as I had the privilege of being around them for seven months. They probably talk about and reblog posts about having empathy for those who are different, who have disabilities, who are neurodivergent, and I have no doubt that they do feel empathy for those people in hypothetical situations which they may never actually encounter. But when dealing with someone who had a real-life psychotic break like me, it's a whole different story of how people react, and how they are and aren't able to empathize. And it isn't their fault to not have been able to handle it, either. They were here to have fun, and I made it very stressful and un-fun, for a long time.

Mental illness isn't just lying in bed, unable to move or be productive. It isn't romantic or pretty. It is hideousness and paranoia, irrationality, delusion, lashing out at loved ones, and losing friends.

I have and will make it clear that I have no problem anymore with any of the Roosmav content. Rayson, underage, all of the things that I had once made a big deal of - my former reaction towards those things had been the result of real-life mental illness.

And I do understand that the people who once had to deal with me might have fragility in their emotional states as well, and that seeing me would trigger them, so they don't want to be around me.

This has just been an extremely sad and terrifying situation all around - and the difference is that they have the support of each other and a community, and I was left with nobody. But I want to make clear that I am not an anti, I am not a hater, I am not a monster. I had a psychotic break due to variety of stressors even beyond fandom, traumatized a lot of people and myself, and I lost everything.

I won't have a happy ending in this. But in the future, I do hope that people can navigate the world with more kindness for each other. We all don't know what each other are going through.

#R00smav

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plumsmuseum · 1 year ago

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A lesson

The pain I feel is not about this man, not really. The pain I feel is prehistoric, a shard that nestled into my body as soon as I was born, and had nestled further as I continued to grow, my organs twist and writhe around it, it’s stabbing me, poking me.

His inconsistency makes me feel needy. My neediness makes me feel pathetic. I wonder, now. I’m already beautiful. I sure think so. But I still feel worthless. Figures. If I hadn’t had my mental illness, my neediness, my anxiety, my desperation for support, would I have everything I wanted?

If I just.. didn’t care. If I had not a care in the world, would I be charming? Friendly? Would I finally be lovable?

I don’t want to be angry, diary. I don’t want to be sad, or enraged, or handle the situation with any sort of dejection, any sort of hurt. That’s almost as bad as begging. I want to handle the situation with grace. Spitting anger does not benefit me, resentment does not benefit me. The man is, after all, not as insignificant as anyone else. He has just as much potential of being good, and sweet, and kind. I will not say it’s my fault for being easily affected. Nor will I say it’s his fault for being confusing. To me, it just is. Connection with another just will or won’t. Just because we have mutual fantasies and delusions doesn’t give me the right to be mad at anyone. Not even myself. It just is. Being sad, I can understand. But I refuse to let it control my behaviour. That’s not okay to me.

So I wonder now, if I were well. How good would that be? If I weren’t so easily overwhelmed. If I wasn’t neurotic. If I didn’t have the family that I have. If my dad wasn’t the way he was. Wouldn’t that be grand?

Instead, I wept like a child last night. I’m grieving, still. For the things I could have been. For my potential. For the child that had this shard of pain inserted into her. I sat in the train, tears silently streaming down my face. I walked back home, the wind whipping my hair back, tears still flowing. I closed my door, heaved a sigh. My body melted to the floor, my mouth let out a few whimpers. My façade shattered, I started trembling, body wracking with sobs. I laid there for a while, still whimpering.

I used to be terrified of days like these. I do so much to avoid getting to this point. But today, I am here. I am alive. Eating a leftover pastry I placed in the fridge. The custard has hardened, the bread is stale. It dries my mouth. I carry a hot cup of tea to my lips. It singes my fingers. I let them. I’m craving a bit of heat. A bit of warmth. Anything that touches.

Objectively. Here’s what I should learn from it all. Maybe not that I get attached too easy. Maybe not that men are horrible. But maybe just that it is or it isn’t. It will or it won’t. That I have no control. That the only thing I can do, even if I were sad, even if I were rejected, even if something I was terrified of has happened, even when I am soft and needy and human, is to sit down. Eat. Drink something warm. Take a shower. Find some silence. Go on a walk. And it will help, even if it’s just a little bit. The warmth, though not removing the sharp stab of pain inside, will instead just make it easier. It will make me move. It will make me appreciate. And for now, for forever, actually. That’s all I can do.

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zandercomics · 2 years ago

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You know what, fuck it, I’m going to make this a big thing now because you just don’t seem to get it.

TL;DR because I’m fairly certain you won’t read this, you aren’t helping anyone with all these comments. You are either stroking your own ego, are oblivious, or both. And it’s fucking disgusting.

I literally used it once, but go on I guess, maybe im taking the quote to literally.

You did say my “willful ignorance” was “hilarious”, which is both making fun of me assuming a lot about me. Also all throughout these interactions you’ve called me part of the problem and other things, implying that I am at least accidentally (though you lose the accidental benefit of the doubt by saying it’s willful) in the moral wrong, while you are saying you are in the mora right. If that isn’t implying you think you’re better than me then idk what would be. Just because it’s not directly stated doesn’t mean it’s not there.

But here let me clarify why I think you are just (again I hesitate to use the word because of how it’s been co opted but it’s so much quicker to type) virtue signaling.

First off this is clearly a joke. OP has made it clear that they are in no way suffering under the delusion that the boys will either come to the wedding, respond to the STD, or even open the letter (though I’d be willing to concede the last point given that they added jokes so at least the HOPE for that one is there). At most their interactions with NSP has been to offer a business transaction; be 99% turned down,but told to send info; and, clearly knowing that it’s a lost cause, send a piece of paper in the hopes of making them and some other people on reddit smile at a joke. Can it be misconstrued as serious after EVERYTHING? I guess, theoretically, someone with an incredible inability to read social queues (digitally or otherwise) and/or with serious mental illness saw this they COULD think that OP was being serious, though I’d question whether they would wait to see the answer before assuming that they see it as okay. I think only THE MOST delusional or oblivious would think that they could get a different result from the same tactic, but there is things like NPD, so maybe there’s a SHRED of a point there, but, and this is important, a stranger’s mental illness/state IS NOT OP’S RESPONSIBILITY! It is solely the responsibility of the person with said illness and (assuming it’s to the point of diminished accountability) their care network (be they family, friends, doctors, etc.) if you like quotes so much here’s one I always liked from a great podcast “your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility”. To believe anything else is both unfair and unrealistic.

Second, your original reply was a massive exercise in futility. If OP had said something to the effect of “sending NSP an STD for my wedding, I hope they actually come!” Or something to that effect your response would’ve been pertinent and I wouldn’t have said a fucking thing. But, as I said before, OP is under absolutely no delusion that, if they even read the letter, it’ll be seen as anything more than “haha save the date and sexually transmitted disease have the same acronym” plus a few other random jokes to make them laugh. If someone as delusional or oblivious as said above STILL thinks they could send it and NSP Will seriously show up, your post will hardly change their mind. If someone is either unwilling or unable to see that sending a serious STD is futile and unrealistic, a stranger being sardonic on the internet is definitely not gonna be what stops them. To think it will be is both delusional and self centered.

Third, if there was ONE benefit of the doubt I was willing to give you its that, in your original reply, it could be seen as saying “oh well if they are impressionable enough to be swayed by one person being okay trying this then one dissenting voice would be just as noticeable”. I can at least see a bit of logic there. But you lost that benefit with all your bad faith arguments and “caring” (will clarify this part) and hypocrisy (see the response about not making fun of or acting like you’re better.)

Fourth jokes like this are not direct causes of any of the danger of parasocial relationships . Except in potential fringe situations, they arent even indirect causes. There is no research I have found that anybody who has stalked and/or killed someone they were a “fan” of were pushed in that direction by obvious jokes. What I HAVE seen is Untreated Mental illness, lack of a good social and medical security network, and ignoring the causes of mental illnesses, the lack of said networks, and the warning signs that a person is dangerous leading DIRECTLY to atrocities.

This is why I think all your sentiments about caring about people being hurt are made in bad faith. Someone who generally wanted to help people wouldn’t waste their time on this non issue.

Given That, let’s go down a rabbit hole, if you’ll indulge me. If you REALLY wanted to combat that you would be working to address those issues. But maybe you don’t have the time, but when you see something dangerous you call it out. That’s fair, life is busy! But, as I said before, clearly labeled jokes are not a danger that needs to be called out. Maybe you got mixed up, that’s fine, it happens. But wait, you’re doubling down even when you’ve been shown why you’re wrong? maybe you weren’t convinced? But there were direct points where flaws in your argument were shown, why didn’t you address these? If they didn’t convince you surely you can explain why? Oh wait you address them by saying they’re irrelevant or implying the other person is a bad person. Well that doesn’t make a lot of sense, why would you call flaws in your argument irrelevant? Why would you attack my moral character without explaining why you weren’t convinced? I’m sure there’s some other benefit of the doubt I could give you, but honestly it’s getting hard to keep doing so.

So what am I left to think? The most likely, in my opinion, is That you’re just trying to show how awesome and great you are for caring so much about people that you are willing to even call out simple things to strangers OR you derive some enjoyment out of publicly showing people online they’re wrong when you GENUINELY believe they are. Tbh the first one is at least partially true to me, so that’s fine, but, as I said before, you haven’t really shown you were worth giving the benefit of the doubt to and that you are willing to use bad faith arguments.

THAT is why you “explaining the dangers of parasocial relationships” in THIS Thread the way you have been is actually you acting “Holier than thou”. Admittedly it might not be 100% the best phrase to use, but that’s more because I try not to use “virtue signaling” (the actual best phase imo) because it has been co opted by alt right shitheads and now has the connotation of a buzzword to dismiss ANY form of giving a shit. Does that answer your fucking question?

Honestly you’re probably gonna make fun of me for this big explanation and not even look at the TL;DR, and that’s fine, I probably should’ve tried to find a way to let this conversation go, but you really pissed me off. It’s not a good look to use a real societal problem to boost your own ego, but it’s fucking disgusting to do that, go in places where it’s not even an issue, and THEN act like you give a fuck and are trying to help just to make yourself look good. That is far more damaging to the people who this issue affects because it not only DOESNT ACTUALLY ADDRESS THE ISSUE, but it in fact MAKES PEOPLE THINK THE ISSUE IS TRIVIAL. People will be more likely to dismiss this issue because of people calling out things that aren’t part of the issue and THAT is far far FAR more damaging than a fucking sex joke.

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pepperpatrol · 1 year ago

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I am not the "Shit Post" person. Honestly I think it's a little weird to even bother with writing something like that I'd just scroll if I felt that way. Well it's less the assumption that all abusers have NPD and more the statement that you have to be abusive to be diagnosed with NPD that you did write. Because really, with that diagnostic criteria, you don't have to be abusive and the assumption that all people with a Cluster B are inherently dangerous is a pervasive cultural norm that does do material harm to people with this diagnosis. It can be used to take away agency, discriminate in the workplace and housing. Having a personality disorder is an actual axis of oppression.

You can have delusions of grandeur, and lack empathy and be arrogant without abusing other people. I mean. I won't say that I wouldn't find such a person extremely annoying and I'll admit that I probably, personally, wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior in a close personal relationship. But you can be like that without causing someone else material harm. People are allowed to be annoying.

And like, Cluster B personality Disorders are treatable diseases. They can't be cured, sure, but they can be regulated with a combination of medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That mitigates a lot of the more self sabotaging behaviors. It is a disease that people can more or less recover from and we need to allow them to do this as a demographic.

Can individuals with Cluster B Personality disorders be abusive? Yes. Can someone with depression be abusive? Also yes. Do you have the right to eject someone from your life who is being abusive regardless of whatever mental diagnosis they might have? Absolutely. And shit, even if they get treatment and change you do not have to let them back into your life. But you do have to let them live theirs away from you.

And I just think that there's a lot of preoccupation on that ridiculous insult (which isn't really all that out of the norm for typical Tumblr hyperbolic insults imo) that you're kind of missing the point of the post. People with Cluster B and schizotype disorders are oppressed. They actually do loose their personal agency and get put under more scrutiny simply because of their diagnosis and you actually are kind of saying that the stigma against their neurotype is...you know...their fault because the symptoms of their neurotype can make having a personal relationship with them exhausting and unpleasant at times.

I don't think I have the right or the ability to weigh in on your mother because, well, I don't really know you or your mother. I honestly do hope that you can find whatever kind of resolution or peace that you can with that. I can definitely relate given that I'm pretty sure the symptoms of my own mother's undiagnosed mental illness were definitely a contributing factor in some of the more horrific things she did to me and my siblings when we were young. But like...If I demonized her mental illness I would have to demonize myself since I have the same ones.

You've got to separate the neurotype from the particular person, or people, that have hurt you because every single person with a Cluster B Disorder is not inherently an abuser and doesn't deserve to be treated that way unless they are actively doing something. My mother's mental illness didn't hurt me, my mother did.

When you say stuff like "If you got your diagnosis without a pattern of hurtful behavior, please stop bothering Tumblr and consider suing for medical malpractice." you are implying that you think all people suffering from NPD are abusers and that is ableist. You are not giving room to an entire demographic of people to be human based on a diagnosis of mental health. You haven't personally witnessed the behavior of every single person with NPD and you honestly don't seem like you're looking at them with any degree of good faith to begin with even if you had. There is nothing wrong with cutting out an individual who has hurt you but you're using their behavior to paint a wide group of people you do not know with that particular person's crimes. Just like they don't have the right to take out their mental anguish on others, you don't have the right to throw your pain at literally everyone with NPD either?

My dash today. Repeatedly. I did not go looking for hot takes I just scrolled past this twice.

Leaving aside the extraordinarily creepy “if you disagree with me I’m going to sexually assault you and you’re going to like it” bit here uhhhh

What does “it’s your fault there’s stigma against you” even mean here?

Like the reason I think people distrusting narcissists seems slightly different in kind from distrusting say, gay people, is that there’s nothing in the definition of gay person that implies having hurt others to get your way, where conversely it’s very difficult to fit sufficient criteria to be diagnosed with NPD without having hurt others. (From my read it looks impossible, but I’ve seen it argued that one specific set of sufficient criteria can be met never have hurt anyone ever, so… maybe.)

THAT is the difference. It’s like saying “stop being suspicious of someone just because they’ve committed a lot of crimes.”

If they have committed a lot of crimes, they’re still a person! No one should assume it’s impossible for them to stop!

But someone avoiding them or even recommending others do so, especially if they have a reasonable suspicion not all of them are arguably okay stuff like drug use or something, isn’t unreasonable. They have a pattern of behavior that people can see.

If you got your diagnosis without a pattern of hurtful behavior, please stop bothering Tumblr and consider suing for medical malpractice.

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schizopyke · 4 years ago

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People on tumblr really be like anti vaxxers of psychology though. You take minimal points about mental health and completely ignore expert opinions when you want your narrative to work. Its actually really damaging and I'm not here for it. I want people to be able to access a diagnosis and it's not the fault of a mentally ill person that they cant get it. The solution of a mentally ill person not getting the help they need is to give them resources to talk to an expert not to convince them that they have an illness in a web md article.

Many people tell me that you cant diagnose something like cancer because there are obvious differences. I agree. When my parents realized that I had been sick for weeks and took me to the doctor, the doctor told me I had cancer. They didn't look online and see that. Whenever I had hallucinations and delusions they checked to make sure it wasn't cancer again, and when I was admitted to the hospital for psychosis I was actually treated for it. If I had continued just looking up ways to do self care and "feel better" I would be dead. I would have killed myself. So would so many people with depression, bipolar I and bipolar II. And others in the mental health world. If someone has told you that help is too expensive and that it won't save you DONT listen. Your life is important and your parents and loved ones would rather have you than not. Later on I am going to repost this with resources to get mental healthcare at a lower cost. Please know that you should not trust anti psychiatry or anti psychology advocates.

A last note is that they are dividing psychiatry and psychology on purpose. Psychology includes psychiatry and psychiatry is informed by psychology. The reason these people split them is because they trust therapy due to the fact they feel like they do a form of self therapy. This is false. It's exactly like saying drinking lemon juice and uncooked egg whites is all you need for your immune system and anything else is "toxins." Psychiatry and therapy are supposed to be done together for best results. The current US health system is kind of like the opioid crisis in some rural communities. There may be better methods of pain management but due to poverty and other factors opioids are the easiest method. We recognize that this is bad, but we don't blame medicine for this. We recognize that this problem is best solved with medical professionals at the helm. They don't say that about psychology, why? Why the difference between the two? I honestly don't understand it, but I stand by people who are studying the science. Not people who deny the science.

#anti self dx #schizophrenia #actually schizophrenia #mental health #mental illness #self diagnosis #schizoaffective

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years ago

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OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources.#*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

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fuckingrealityshifting · 4 years ago

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1// hi there, before you get too far, I want to say that I am trying to say this with all the kindness in my heart, and that I do, truly care for yall, and this is why im typing this now. I stumbled across your blog via your 'shifting terms' post, and I explored the idea of shifting and the shiftblr community a bit. I read all of your sources (although I don’t really believe most of them are credible enough) ((it could just be the uni student in me tho)) and I can't help but worry for you and

2// the shifting community. As I understand, most of you are still quite young, and while I haven’t tried to shift (I have a deep paranoia of developing a psychotic disorder), I fear that this practice could affect the young minds in this community in an unprecedented way. I am /not/ saying that any of you are delusional, im not saying its fake, im not saying i dont believe you. But many of you have mentioned how shifting is a) not dangerous and b) similar to astral projecting.

3// This is where I begin to worry, in my understanding, astral projecting is VERY dangerous, so if what you are doing is similar i dont believe it is a good idea. Especially for young people. Adolescent brains are very prone to mental illness, and I fear by placing yourselves in this situation you could eventually damage your mind. I dont mean to preach or anything, i just know a lot of you are young and i think you should be aware of the dangers of what you are doing,

4// because it could affect you in the long run. But stay safe, watch over each other and i wish yall the best. (ps. im sorry this was long)

/////end of ask

Okay so I just wanted to first say it would be okay if you didn’t believe or thought I was mentally ill and stated such! An ask like this is useful because it can start an actual conversation; I have concerns besides just disbelief to go off. Astral projection, being young, etc. I thank you for that and for leaving asks.

I don’t want people to think it’s not okay to be open about not believing. I know with the whole rating stuff rather than responding to comments it might seem like that, but I’m just going to brush off what doesn’t have a purpose other than bringing people down because there’s no point in repeating myself.

If it’s clearly meant to be sarcastic or has a punchline or comment for the sake of being rude or feeling like you’re superior (“get a hobby”) then I’m just not gonna humor you. I’m not intending to shut down all concerns at all.

About the sources—yeah, I do agree, a lot of the sources aren’t very credible, I totally acknowledge that. I also acknowledge even if they were all done by very credible sources the findings wouldn’t be absolutely decisive.

That’s kind of the fault of a lack of experimentation in scientific/professional spaces regarding anything spiritual and just the nature of spirituality itself. At the end of the day it’s mainly the suggestion of the findings that are important to spiritual people looking for evidence. I’m not sure if I worded that all coherently lol

I’m gonna answer these two points in reverse

Shifting is b.) similar to astral projection

So when I say similar to astral projection, I mean mainly in the fact you are perceiving stuff outside of your body and projecting. It’s a similar concept, and a bit of a similar practice, but not entirely.

With shifting, you are projecting your consciousness, and with astral projection, you are projecting your astral self/soul.

(I haven’t researched as much into the specifics of astral projection as I have for shifting so feel free to correct me! My understanding of astral projection is that your soul/astral self projects from your body to wander the astral realm.)

I’m gonna copy and paste some stuff I said in a dm message to someone who had a similar concern.

When a person shifts, their soul remains in their body. Your consciousness/awareness of reality is what is in another universe. When a person asteral projects, their soul leaves their body and can travel different realms of the universe.

When a person astral projects, they can come across spirits, deities, and harmful entities. They can take damage to the soul. They can change their astral form. Astral projection is dangerous. It is highly recommended not to astral project without protection.

When a person shifts, they are in a normal reality and do not need protection. Protection doesn’t hurt, as it doesn’t hurt to have protection in this reality, but its not necessary. (Precautions should always be taken.)

If they die in their desired reality, their soul is fine so they just come back. There is no danger of death. Your consciousness or alternate self (“clone”) can also go about your day while you are shifted which I have never heard about for astral projection.

The differences between your spirit projecting outside of your body and your consciousness projecting into another reality is why shifting is generally regarded as safer and as needing less precaution.

shifting is a. not dangerous

Well, not inherently. But like most anything it can be used dangerously. Some of the precautions that should be taken are:

•educating yourself properly before shifting

•grounding yourself (an ungrounded shifter can have issues)

•making sure you are not depending on shifting for anything or using it as unhealthy escapism

•understanding spirituality concepts even if you’re not practicing

I have a Staying Safe While Shifting post that has been in my drafts forever because I want to finish my mental health series to link it in the post, but I’ve been procrastinating finishing the mental health series because of the ADHD and shifting topic, which I believe I have.

We do have a majority of young people on the community—middle to older teens, I think. Most adults interested in this sort of thing participate under Quantum Jumping, a term that’s been around longer, which seems more online forum based.

Overall, yes. Shifting when exposed to the wrong people can absolutely harm mental health. I think we’re seeing it on TikTok. I just don’t have the power to make sure only people who can mentally take it see it. I just have to do my best to educate people on how reality shifting works so delusions or misunderstandings are hopefully easier to spot.

I absolutely thank you for the thoughtful message and if I brought up more concerns let me know.

#shifting #shiftblr #reality shifting #spirituality #desired reality #dr #shiftblrs #cr #shifting community #shiftblr discussion #shifting disbelief #not really but just in case #unreality #long post

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iliadicjasontodd-moving · 4 years ago

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Okay so I rewatched Peaky Blinders for the last few days, and well, it holds up on the rewatch, is even better the second time around in some respects. If anyone has cared enough to look at any of the meta posts I’ve done for other fandoms then you’d know my main focus in media is always characters, especially where their less-than-perfect mental states are involved. So Tommy Shelby’s mental state is fascinating to me. Obligatory disclaimer that I’m not a psychologist.

I actually think his trauma and underlying mental illness- because I am absolutely certain that he has an underlying mental illness, but I’ll come back to that- is actually stunningly well-written for a narrative that usually doesn’t lend itself to that kind of careful development. Even aside from the obvious breakdowns, he’s also consistently shown to have a more limited emotional range and lack of fear that borders on dissociative, especially in series 1. I would say that Tommy’s relationship with his body is an obvious effect of his trauma- he is careful of appearance but genuinely does not seem to deem it more significant than another tool or weapon, something he has to live in because he has no choice, and so he forces it to do what he needs it to (running around London with a fractured skull and brain bleed until he literally couldn’t make it anymore, for example). There’s more of course- his half-assed plans that almost always put him in harm’s way, his impatience when others are unable to put everything aside for practicality’s sake like he does, etc.- all of which shows that Tommy has been living under the rules of war since he left for war. He knows that if he stops he’ll breakdown so his solution is to just never stop so he’ll never have to process anything that ever happens him, but the issue is that eventually the brain has to call it and say So you’re not stopping for me, fucker? Then I’m stopping you, because it’s not like you can just,,, literally never process that amount of trauma especially considering he’s practically collecting new traumas as a hobby at this point. And series 5 is his brain stopping him. Or trying, anyway. What I find interesting is that Tommy seems to realize that, and even ask for help in the ways he knows how. He talks to his family or tries to, even talks to Winston Churchill of all people, when he’s spiraling. It’s not his family’s fault they don’t know what to do. It’s 1929 and this is Thomas Shelby, but it doesn’t make it any less alarming when no one does anything about it, including himself.

So going back to that underlying mental illness- I know everyone sort of has a theory on what exactly runs in the family that made their grandfather, mother, and Tommy (and Arthur I’d say though I think it’s mostly PTSD in his case) suicidal. Honestly, I think it’s depression with psychotic features. Tommy’s only 39 in series 5, which isn’t too old for the onset of psychotic symptoms. On top of the hallucinations, which range from mild to very disturbing, there’s also Tommy’s obvious paranoia. You could attribute all it to the laudanum, but I don’t think so. He sees and hears Grace while sober, for one. The way he talks to Ada about the January after the hallucinations at the bridge also didn’t seem very lucid, which isn’t the only time he talks that way. I would say his taking so many substances and also his worsening PTSD could have triggered the onset of psychotic symptoms/a psychotic episode. The other reason I can’t attribute that entirely to the drugs is that from the way Charlie Strong talked about Tommy’s mother it seemed clear she was suffering from delusions before her suicide. That whole scene was set up in a way to make it clear that the genetics of the family are a contributing factor. Charlie even says to Tommy « Sometimes these things run in families. » Obviously this is a troublesome conclusion considering its 1929 and we all know what mental health care looked like then (I’m hoping we don’t see that asylum again because fuck that but I’m also rather suspicious we were shown that for a reason) but considering Steven Knight has said series 6 will explore whether Tommy is ‘cursed’ I’m hopeful that’s code for Tommy will actually have to take the time to process and handle his mental issues in order to move forward.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders meta #asylum tw #suicide tw #tommy shelby

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anachronisticcrab · 4 years ago

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I know that my posts don’t usually get seen when they aren’t about Nico di Angelo or Percy Jackson in general, but I feel like this needs to be addressed. School is shitty in places outside the US

I live in Canada. I don’t have to worry about getting shot if I go to school, but it’s still shitty at my school (especially at my old school)

Quick tw for this entire thing. It deals with eating disorders, mental abuse, physical abuse, psychotic episodes, teachers not caring, mental illness, trauma, and suicide. Please tread carefully before you continue

I’ve been going to Catholic schools since I was 3. I went to a catholic elementary school in Ontario for about 10 years before going to my current Catholic high school

At my elementary school, when I was in fourth grade, one of the girls in my class was struggling with her mental health. Her dad had died a few years before then (by the way, our school NEVER gave her a safe space to discuss what was going on in her life) and she had been through some other shit

Now, in fourth grade, I didn’t know anyone in my class except for her (there were around 70 kids in my grade, I didn’t know a lot of people). So we hung out that year. Some days, she was in a great headspace and was happy and we got along great. She was funny, smart, nice, easy to talk to, and she was probably the first friend I had that I had anything in common with

But as I mentioned, she was seriously struggling. About once a week (at the minimum), she would have what I am going to refer to as an ‘episode’ because I really don’t know any other way to put it. She would scream, throw things, chase people around the class with scissors, and just overall torment me and my classmates. It got so bad that the entire class had to be brought into the hall for our own safety on more than one occasion

Our of everyone in the class, she harassed me the most. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’m guessing it had something to do with her own self-sabatoge since I was pretty much the only person there for her that entire year

One time she tried to cut my throat. Another time she threw a textbook at my head. She followed me around for almost six hours straight, calling me names and harassing me.

None of this was a secret from our teachers. They all knew about this. Our principals knew about this. Half the school knew about this. But none of the adults, who were responsible for keeping us safe, did anything.

They let it slide. They sent her to the office (the principals did nothing). They brought us out of the class, but didn’t ever do anything to help her to stop her episodes or to help her with any of her issues. In fact, just so they could all avoid doing their jobs, they hired college students to come in and talk to me and her at recess a couple days a week. I feel so bad for those girls since they were busy with school and exams, but they had to help out two extremely traumatized and extremely fucked up kids

One time this girl tried to kill me. And I mean this seriously— she came at me and tried to cut my throat with a pair of scissors. There were three eye witnesses (outside of myself and the girl). There was footage of it on the security cameras. And the girl started chasing people with scissors after I ran away from her. Our principals did nothing. Our teacher did nothing.

I asked my parents and teacher and principals to move me to the other class because I couldn’t be around that girl. She tormented me, and I was terrified to go to school because I didn’t know if it was going to be a good day or if she was going to attack me and scream at me. I was terrified of the building, and that year led to a lot of the issues with school and mental illness that I have to deal with now. They didn’t move me. They switched desks and put mine right next to hers. Like, the fuck was wrong with those asshats?

Also, me and this girl were walking around the halls during indoor recess one time and heard our teacher shit talking me, her, and this one other kid we were sort-of friends with. He called her psychotic, called me ‘at fault for (the girls) episodes and aiding (the girls) delusions’ and made fun of our other friend for having a high pitched voice. Like, we were nine? I wasn’t responsible for this girl trying to kill me and having episodes all the time. She wasn’t psychotic, she just had some issues she needed to work out, and she needed help with it from adults. And our friend was allowed to have a high pitched voice, he was nine! Don’t make fun of nine year olds who are clearly dealing with some shit!

We told the principal what happened, and the mother fucking teacher got a raise. We asked the principal why, and he said ‘well, he’s retiring this year, and it’s not fair that he has to deal with all of this’. It’s not fair that I had to deal with that, either! Let the crusty old dude get into shit for making fun of nine year olds!

At the end of the year, my teacher had the AUDACITY to send an email to my mom, to thank me for ‘sticking by that girl even when it was difficult, and for supporting her’. Like, bitch, you mean doing your job and putting my nine year old self at risk? Shut the fuck up and help your students when they’re going through shit!

Now, if you’re wondering why I hung out with this girl, there’s a couple reasons.

My teachers, principles, and parents told me that she needed me around, and that she’d been through shit. They told me that she really did care about me, and she needed a friend. That her dad had died so she was allowed to abuse me. More or less, all the adults in my life said that she was struggling, and that her happiness was more important than my safety

As I said before, when she was having a good day, I loved hanging out with her and talking to her. She was really nice, and the first semi-real friend I ever had

I got an eating disorder that year, that still affects my life 6 years later. I got anxiety and depression from that year (there are other causes of it, but it is a big part of the reason). I now have a crippling fear of school and other people, as well as extreme trust issues. I have serious self worth issues and let people push me around because that year I was taught that I could be beaten and bruised and murdered if it made other people happy. I have suicidal ideation and cut myself because of the trauma I endured that year.

The school system did nothing to help. They let that girl fester in her issues and take them out on others, permanently traumatizing and scarring me in the process

And I started talking to that girl again about three years ago, after she’d chilled out and I wasn’t terrified of her anymore. She told me she would have killed herself if it weren’t for me. That her mom was still mourning, the rest of her family hated her, that our teachers didn’t care, and that I was the only one actually there for her. I don’t regret being there for her at that time. She’s one of my best friends and I would hate if she had killed herself

But it’s shitty that the only person supporting her at the time was me. If she had have gone through with it, it would’ve been my fault. I was the only thing keeping her from dying. And that terrifies me. I can’t even be trusted to keep myself from dying at this point.

This is just one of many, many, many stories I have about how fucked up schools are, and not just in the US. I don’t have to worry about getting shot, but my old school is still fucked up, and my current school is a little fucked as well. Let me know if you want to hear any more stories from my experience at Catholic school, or with this girl, or whatever.

#school #mental illness #tw depressing stuff #tw eating stuff #tw mental illness #tw psychotic episodes #tw abuse #adults don’t do shit #school is fucked up #Canada #catholic school

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overwatch-does-stuff · 4 years ago

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Happy birthday, Sigma

I kept seeing all these posts about “It’s Sigma’s birthday” and me, being a bit dense at times, thought that maybe it was a canonical birthday that was hidden in the depths of Micheal Chu’s twitter posts. But nope! It’s actually the year anniversary of Sigma’s origin trailer! Perhaps I should reflect on what Sigma means to me. . .

Sigma was revealed during a period in my life where my mental illness got bad, real bad, for the first time. I had had crises before but this was on an entirely new level of physical symptoms and even worse anxiety. I felt like a stranger in my own body, out of control.

And then Sigma comes out. Unlike every other origin trailer, where the main hero is confident in their identity and so self-assured, Sigma is scared. He has moments of confidence, but those moments are just illusions, delusions. He’s frightened about his condition, and. . .

He’s not presented as evil. He’s framed as a deeply tragic figure who didn’t get the help he needed. It’s not his fault that his illness is spiraling out of control, into the territory where he’s hurting others, because he’s being manipulated by true villains. He was the first character I had ever seen who had such severe, out-of-control mental illness and wasn’t a villain because of his condition. Not like Split, or Joker, or many of the countless other “he’s evil because he’s c ra zy!!” characters out there.

I identified with him. It was out of this identification that came my first fanfic regarding him. It was one of the first fanfictions written and published about him ever. After that, writing with Sigma became as effortless as breathing. I projected my anxiety symptoms onto him and when a fic was complete I found that my own anxiety had lessened. So I kept doing it, and doing it, and doing it. Soon, I look around and I’ve found that I have permanently shaped the fanon surrounding him. It’s a funny thing, really. This blog really blew up back in the glory days. But now. . . that spark is gone.

In the year that followed Sigma’s release, I was put on medication. I started seeing a therapist. Life moved on. Things. . . got better. And as they did, I found it more and more difficult to write things about Sigma. When I was in my bleakest moments, he had been there for me to find comfort in. But now that I was climbing out of the dark hole I was in, his character spoke to me less.

My obsession with him ended. It needed to; moving on was a sign that I was healing. But I’ll never forget what Sigma, as a character, did for me. I don’t know how things would have gone for me if Sigma had never been released, but I think maybe I wouldn’t be quite as happy as I am now.

Happy birthday, Sigma. Thanks for all the help.

#overwatch #sigma #siebren de kuiper #meta post #happy birthday sigma

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mahvaladara · 4 years ago

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What happened to Gamall Sullyvan - A Lore of Astreia Oneshot

This story is being told by the POV of the Wanderer. The Wanderer is talking about Gamall Sullyvan to someone who asked. He gets a bit off topic here and there.

Warning: Graphic descriptions of abuse, torture. It a point it becomes... bad. Baaad! Very bad!

“What happened to Gamall Sullyvan?”

“Gamall Sullyvan, you say?”

“This man, you know this man, don’t you?”

“Oh yes, yes I do!”

Gamall Sullyvan. I knew him.

I knew him intamately.

His fears, his dreams, his ambitions.

35 years old in age, tall, flimsy, a bit of goof who’s not overly expressive. Not particularly smart or good looking. Not rich, nor wealthy, no over the top status. Avarage man, a good man. A family man.

If you looked at him, you’d wonder if he was half Sillarin, his eyes certainly looked Sillarin, but his skin was too pale. Must have been those Aklory genes. He was Aklory, born and raised and dead for those lands.

But he was a good man, you see.

He was born in Calldragon. His entire nuclear family was expelled from the city and he lost right of citizenship.

But he was the grandson of the Scholar Gamall Callarius. Yes, that Gamall Callarius, the one in the Royal CallDragon Archives. But he was no one. He dreamed of being a librarian like her, but he was not particularly smart or talented. He was curious and determined, but he wasn’t a genius.

Gamall was not his grandmother. He only shared her name.

Yes, I know it’s a woman’s name, but Gamall didn’t much care of things such as female or male. No, he was much more ambiguous when it came to these things. You see, he used to pretend to be a woman. When he took care of a bed ridden, demented mother he had to. He even dressed like his grandmother.

When he met the woman who’d become his wife, at first, she thought he was an abnormally tall woman. He did things humans tipacally atributed to women and he never questioned it. He was eldest, his mother was sick, his father couldn’t do it, so of course it had to be him. He raised all of his siblings while his father worked. And then, when he came of age, he ran away with Caitlin Sullyvan.

Let his mother to Rot.

I don’t think he ever got over that guilt. She did rot, you know. Not that he ever saw it, or looked for it. But time and illness so says that she did Rot.

...

Anyway, Gamall didn’t catch it or anything. They were inoculated.

He met Caitlin and ran away. Caitlin, his wife.

He was a good man, understanding, caring, a good husband, who was wholly devoted to his wife and son. Everything he did was for them and them alone.

Gamall was altruistic, he never thought much of himself. It was always Caitlin and Seimei first, and when it wasn’t them, it was his neighbors and his friends at Riverrend. It was what he did. That’s where they lived, where they moved to.

Riverrend.

If you talked to them they’d always have something nice to say about Gamall. How he wasn’t expressive, like resting bored face. But he always tried to say some witty joke or lighten up the mood. He always helped. Quick witted, quick tempered. He was a good man, poor and struggling and the people of Riverrend liked him, like they liked anyone else in town.

The people of Riverrend.

Riverrend is a cemmetary now. Ravaged to the floor by the Ainlienists. You have heard of them, the “Church of Burden”. Follow the prophet Ainlie and his message of salvation.

Delusions of a sick mind. I know, I spoke to Ainlie and this “religion”, though it’s more of a cult, certainly got his words wrong.

Salvation my ass. Being burnt alive doesn’t sound very salvating.

Fanatical assholes. Zealots. Prejudicious, racist, sexist assholes. No respect for anyone or thier beliefs.

If they were like every other religions on our planet who have this mentality of “you believe this, we believe that. It’s cool, we’re neighbors” it wouldn’t be a problem. But they have a “the only good heretic is a dead heretic” mentality.

Thank the stars the Wanderer whipped them from the face of Akloria and promised to wipe them from the face of the Astreia.

Yet people get mad at the Wanderer for that, can you imagine? People mad at me!

They call me evil! That I committed the mass genocide of a religious group.

No I didn’t! There’s still some left! In Valora and the 1001 Seas.

But I am evil one. They forget these same Ainlienists were trying to burn the entire planet to ash and kill everyone. They also forgot they strapped bombs unto children and sent them to the walls of the capital.

...

Yes, they blew up kids.

But sure. The Wanderer is the evil one for wanting to get rid of them.

And yes, I am getting off topic, bult talking about the Ainlienists is also talking about Gamall. So I’m getting there.

He was a good man. Avarage man, but most certainly not a member of a fanatical religious cult.

But you know, it’s their fault. It’s because of them that Gamall is gone.

He was a good man. Good, understanding, caring, selfless! All he wanted was to own a horse and they killed all the horses. It’s a good thing he didn’t say his life long dream was to be a librarian or they would have burned all the books - though they sure tried.

People died, but I saved the books! That’s what matters!

But Gamall!

The Sullyvan name he actually picked from his wife. He lost right to a family name when he lost right of citizenship. So, Sullyvan was his wife’s surname that he took at the time.

Gamall was a lumberjack in Riverrend, worked in Caitlin’s Mill and did some hunting on the side. He had a dream of being a librarian but had given up on that dream. He didn’t have any formal education. He knew how to read but he couldn’t exactly work as a scholar at the time because he lacked education.

As he was now a father and a husband, a very poor one in a country at war, all that he cared about was providing for his family.

Gamall had a son, Seimei, who got sick.

Boy got blood rot, didn’t eat enough meat, got anemic. The boy wanted to eat greens only. Vegan I think that’s what is called. Gamall called it bullshit!

But the boy was against eating meat, and Gamall was a hunter. Meat was the easiest thing to come by and the boy refused to eat it. Gamall couldn’t afford a proper “vegan” diet for him. So of course Seimei got anemic. One can’t survive of lettuce alone!

And Gamall couldn’t afford to treat him. The iron supplements and even the blood strengthening potions were expensive. They were millers and they couldn’t apply for government aid because Gamall wasn’t a legal citizen. So they were struggling.

Gamall joined the war as a contract Archer. It could give him a lot of money as well as right of citizenship. And as a contract archer, he could abandon the war once his contract was over. So he joined the war.

He said he wanted to use the money to treat his son and buy a horse. Wanted to become a courier, and if he had a horse, he could gain some steady income that way. Make sure his son never got blood rot again. He could also buy the right of citizenship and if he had a honorable conduit in the army, he could even earn it.

But was he wrong.

He was not a fighter! He was a lumberjack who hunted deers on the side!

Of course he got captured during the war!

Amarintia. That’s where he was captured. That’s another cemmetary there. All thanks to the “Church of Burden”.

They say the Ainlienists tortured him, broke him. The Ainlienists did horrible things to everyone. You saw the cities the Ainlienists destroyed. The dissected dragons, the decapitated humans and the burnt witches. All in the name of their maker.

Eventually he was rescued and kept fighting in the war. I saw him a couple of times. He was still hopefull there was something worth fighting for, and he did. But I could see it in the mirror, that spark, that “humanity” of his be broken down, piece by little piece.

War does that to you.

He was tortured. Oh, was he tortured!

Tortured by the enemy.

Used by his allies.

Betrayed by the people he loved and fought for.

Used, tortured, beaten and abused.

You see, at a point, Gamall became a weapon, because there’s something particular about him. He couldn’t die. And he was becoming powerful and he was even able to manipulate his appearance.

Isn’t that handy?

Should be easier to hide the scars, don’t you think?

But he was captured a second time, and the Ainlienists realized they couldn’t kill him so they exploited that. They had fun!

I heard they locked him inside a iron bull for three days straight. You know, Iron Bulls. Those iron contraptions where someone is locked inside and you lit the fire and let the person slowly cook alive. They did that to him. Cooked him alive.

Then healed him up and locked him inside an Iron Maiden. The one’s with spikes. When they left him out, there was a puddle of his own blood under it.

I heard one night they had fun with him. Raped him, sodomized him, made him wish he was neither man or woman. Made him wish he could die. Heard he squealed and begged and begged they’d just grab a rock and crush his skull.

And they did it!

But of course that didn’t kill him.

So they did worse.

They sawed him in half.

They grabbed a rusty saw, held it firmly between his legs and sawed him in half. All the way up, slow pull by slow pull until the rusty teeth of saw got stuck right in his sternum and they still tried to cut further. But they were pressed for time.

They left him there. Litterally rotting.

Left the bacteria in his shredded intestines rot his body while his immortal cells tried to fix it. Like he was locked in this endless torturous cicle of rot and regeneration.

And no one saved him.

He had friends, you know. Friends who knew he had been captured.

“It’s not like you’ll die.” That’s what they told him, when he found a way home and was properly healed and treated.

I heard he actually lost a few inches of his entrails, but I am going to be honest. I didn’t measure them.

I think after that. After that moment Gamall realized how truly meaningless he was in the face of it all. That’s when he lost that “kindness” and “caring" and “altruism” and “hope”.

His wife went on with life.

She died during the war. He never saw her again, not even her corpse. Only words that she was dead.

His son? Heard he was killed by his own hand.

And you’ll ask, what happened to Gamall Sullyvan? Well...

I think that’s when Gamall Sullyvan was finally lost. That day. That day he escaped the Ainlienist hands and had to drag his own intestines through a desert, while rotting, only to be told to his face, by the people he loved that they didn’t bother to save him. Because...

“It’s not like you’ll die.”

I haven’t seen him since.

...

He’s dead.

I'm all that's left.

#my writting #the imortal #gamall #gamall sullyvan #mal #mal sullyvan

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