#are really thoughtful in ways i did not expect idk
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rie-092 · 2 days ago
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idk what is this but listen—
just imagine ijekiel alpheus, now the head of alpheus dukedom. saw a child, which is you, on the streets. even though he claimed that he already moved on from the princess, now the empress of the empire, there is still this part of him that doesn't.
so, you who had no relationship with the imperial family and your family died because of an accident back then. for some reasons, you had the same eyes as athanasia. and your hair color was similar with ijekiel. so, what did he do? he adopted you as his child!
honestly, ijekiel alpheus was a great dad. this dude has no plan on marrying anyone. and his vassals and lucas and athanasia was practically never stop on telling him to get married. i mean, athanasia was telling that because he doesn't want ijekiel to be alone. while lucas, this little shit, just want to mess up with him and ruin his day. while his vassals just wanted a heir for the alpheus dukedom.
so, why not bring a child from the streets? look, his intentions was clear. he wanted to help you. but the people who saw you with ijekiel thought you were his secret love child or smth like that. like the good ol' manhwa plot, ofc, they spread rumors that the top husband material in the empire wasn't as clean as they expected. does ijekiel cares? ofc, no. this guy was too busy to spoil the hell outta you to make your heart open up to him. i mean, he's your father from now on, so it's normal for a father to spoil his child, right?
but honestly, here's this shitty side of ijekiel that he hides from everyone. this shitty delusional side of him that imagined you as his and athanasia's child. and this side of him became more worse when he brought you with him to the palace. and athanasia, unaware of your jeweled blue eyes behind the contact lenses that you were wearing. thinks that you were really so adorable. so she too, started to spoil you like you were her own child. how adorable, you're like mother and child— of course he was the father— wait, no.
ijekiel always tries his best to calm himself down whenever he sees the sight of you with athanasia. no, this is not right. the empress was already married to that shitty tower master, this is wrong. he should just focus to you— but...
you see, ijekiel never let you meet lucas. even though that guy was practically saying that— "how cold whitey's boy, you're acting like we're not close friends!" when the truth is they are never friends in the first place. besides, he already got athanasia— that's why he will never, as in never give you to him.
but ijekiel was the kind and understanding one. that's why, when you told him you wanted to learn magic. he supported you, he bought you books about magic, he even goes far on asking lucas for help. but you see— ijekiel too can lose his temper.
“ijekiel, where the hell is ( name )?"
that was the first thing that lucas asked as he left your room where he teleported. ijekiel nonchalantly said that you were at his family's villa, after you threw up blood last night because of using too much magic. but boy, lucas was more perceptive than he thought. saying that he should stop spouting bullshits. but ijekiel didn't say anything.
ijekiel was kind— but the truth is he was beginning to lose his mind. he hated the way how you look at lucas the same way you look at him. he hates the way how you and lucas looks more father and child than you and him. he hates the way how you seemed to like lucas praises than his. and the thin thread that left on his patience snapped when you told him how much you idolized lucas.
ahh, that night when he visited you on your new room in the manor. where he put your beloved toys and books, but put a mana restricting chain on your wrists. he couldn't help but to smile. now, it'll be only you and him.
ijekiel was kind, but when someone is threatening his child. he has no choice but to do this, right?
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notes: idk, but I'm really tempted to make unhinged versions of every green flag manhwa men. anyway, happy 2k followerssss! I'm planning on doing an event to celebrate this, and then i'm going to do the 100+ requests in my inbox. ♪⁠┌⁠|⁠∵⁠|⁠���⁠♪
pls bear with my laziness (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)
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sheyfu · 2 days ago
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pairing: itoshi sae x gn!reader
synopsis: sae turns into a child boohoo (ik impossible but why not idk)
cw: none except my dookie writing skills HAHAHAHHAA IM RUSTY AND IM JS MUCH BETTER W WRITING CHAT AUS’!/&;@/& tbh it kinda lost its plot in the middle but wtv; not proofread HAHAHAAH; swearing
notes: this thought occurred in the midst of me fighting against nature and its worst call (TMI IM SO SORRY); will fix format later cuh i did this on my phone HAHAHAHA; ITS FLUFFY I PROMISE
wc: 781 (LONGER THAN EXPECTED WHAT)
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you love itoshi sae. you really really do.
you love him to the point where youre willing to fight anyone and anything just for him even, if it would cost you something.
you wonder how youve come to love him; was it because of his “nonchalant demeanor” that had ticked every time bomb you had in you, or was it his athleticism—yes, i know, boring—that quite literally fixed you in more ways than one? orrr was it actually his cleanliness and (n)-step skin-care routine that would probably do the opposite of what it actually does with how uncooperative your skin is?
youre actually not sure.
but what youre sure about right now, at this time and day, the itoshi sae you fell in love with was definitely not present.
“saeeee” you call out to your husband from the kitchen.
silence.
“saeeeee” calling out much louder, youre met with even more silence that quote on quote, ticked every time bomb you had in you.
weird.
“underlashes?” entering the dining room with your already-running-thin-patience, youre met with a sight to definitely behold.
“what do you want?” your husband—question mark x2–now reduced to a child perfectly mirroring his own features grumbles out from his seat at the table—a half-eaten slice of blueberry cheesecake slathered all over his mouth and some even getting onto his shirt.
what the fuck actually???
“ummmm” you question aloud as confusion paints itself on your face—your eyebrows visibly furrowing as you try to process what’s currently going on.
“you—“
“dont say anything. i dont wanna hear anything.” another grumble—albeit high pitched—comes from the seated man (the boy? child? manchild?) with his signature scowl planted on his face.
you watch with curious eyes as the manchild (youll call him that for now) reaches up for the fork on the “high-ass table counter thingy” (his words, not yours) attempting to feed himself.
heading off to the kitchen to grab your phone (for blackmail), you hear a sudden clank and a scoff from mr. manchild.
turning your head once more to face him, youre once again met with a sight youd definitely want to keep in your book of memories forever.
there, right in front of you, was the itoshi sae, mr. idgafer, the prodigal son™, the man of many names, and the love you call your life, staring down at the fork with the meanest mog and scowliest (is that even a word) face the world has ever seen.
thats right. the itoshi sae that was present right now, at this time and day, was not only the itoshi sae you fell in love with, but also the itoshi sae youd want to spoil, protect, and care for with your whole life.
“sae…” you try to stop yourself from laughing. you really do.
but in that moment, all hell seems to break lose, and that hell was your own laughing hell.
“pfft— hahahaha!” as you laugh your ass off, you miss the subtle shift in the red head’s expression.
your itoshi sae may not have been currently present, but you definitely there; the person he fell madly and deeply in love with. you and your bright smile that could light up all the emo shit inside him, your laughs that seemed to make everything much better, and your—
oh right. his blueberry cake.
ignoring your laughs, the little boy proceeds to hop off the high chair to retrieve the fallen fork.
hes almost tempted to leave you to your laughing trip, but hes too tired to clean up himself. so he does what every child would do; call a trusted adult.
and that trusted adult nearest to him was you, who so happened to be his spouse.
shaking his head, underlashes jr. starts telling you off and bossing you around like the chill guy he is.
“oi stop laughing and help me with this mess.” he slurs out, unable to resist the grin on his face.
“bu- but.. its your- your mess!” taking a deep breath, you wipe away the tears that had appeared on your eyes. “that was a nice laugh! right, underlashes jr?” grinning from ear to ear, you ruffle his hair, receiving multiple complaints and “punches” to your arms.
“yeah yeah whatever. now get off me and help me!” the mini guy successfully swats your hands off his hair, a faint blush blooming on the apples of his cheeks.
“alright, alright! right away, mister mini!” letting out a couple chuckles, you drag the little guy with you to the site of the (his) mess. “im not letting you off the hook though, little guy. you have to clean with me. ‘kay?”
“tch. whatever.”
he wouldnt have it any way though.
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zennjiwrlds · 13 hours ago
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“ FRIENDS. ” | lee myung-gi/player 333 x reader | sg drabbles
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synopsis. no way he'd meet you, again — his "friend" since childhood. was he simply aware? no he fucking wasn't. he knew you weren't the type of person to be in debt either, unless he's just mistaken. though, why did you still managed to get in the games?
⠀⠀❕⠀⠀ warnings. spoilers???
⠀⠀❕⠀⠀ subj. i tried to make the reader's gender genderless. so if u see an issue in the process, pls tell me right away!! also pretend reader is REALLY good at gonggi. and erm, reader is indeed anxious and likes to fidget, a LOT.
a/n. can u acc tell im testing how ill write my aesthetics..... like erm hehennensjsjbajq im so indecisive im gonna explode into madness and rage 🔥🔥 also it's been quite a while since I've written.... idk weeks? months? who knows?? however, no beta so we explode young lolz erm... enjoy ig
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⠀⠀ IT WAS MOMENTARILY baffling him, really. he thought he'd go on about his day whilst he played the games thoroughly without any issue being visible. but when he saw your distraught figure in red light, green light? his mind were a naught but dozens of clouded thoughts. he spoke to himself that it was just him hallucinating or perchance a dream yet a nightmare.
⠀⠀hell, he even thought you looked good.
⠀⠀ the way your free hand swept and dragged people's hair — moreover if they pissed you off. it reminded him how you'd also drag his hair when you were children, your laughter and serene aura gave him modest comfort. yet you disappeared without a trace. he was worried sick; where had you been?
⠀⠀ nonetheless, what irked him is you didn't give him a single glance, not even physical contact like you used to do. did you forget about him? it irritated him yet it made his demeanor worrisome. you made him feel abandoned. he wanted you to at least linger your gaze at him, even if it means the last time.
⠀⠀ did you still consider him as a friend, at this point? or did he become another stranger to you?
⠀⠀ although, his expectations were slightly different from what he previously had thought hence the second game was announced. momentarily, you were paired up with him. he hoped you would interact him, even if it means very little.
⠀⠀ “hi, " were the compact words that left your lips. oh, how he felt dreamy when he heard your voice for the first time. he wanted to have a full confab with you right now, he did. however, he acknowledged to himself that right now wasn't the time hence this event was a life or death occurrence. he knew to himself that he had to focus. though, his mind was currently filled with you. it was always you.
⠀⠀ people were seen struggling whilst doing the five minigames, though his team only struggled slightly. but you? he observed how you were merely nervous doing the gonggi. yet no issues came in your way. the way your fingers motioned every move of the stone—throwing the stones each one freely and efficiently—eyes chiefly focused on the tiny solid plastics one by one. the tension amidst the air erupting as you flip the stones with ease, the silence was loud yet there was enough murmurs for you to hear—one hand opening itself as the five stones were visible upon one's sight—the guard making an 'O' shape afterwards.
⠀⠀ your team was the first one to yell, a loud yet beamed yell. your heart simultaneously pounded on your chest as it rang clear on your ears, the relief washing over your occupied thoughts as you exhaled deeply, own pair of eyelids closed shut. yet myung-gi had his eyes placed on you, it was always you.
⠀⠀ by that means, you and your team had to go back to the lobby. though, he slightly notices how your walk were sloppy. like a turtle attempting to get back to the shore.
⠀⠀ REST, that's what you want to do. sleeping—closing your eyes whilst you sat down on your bunk, hoping that you'd do this for eternity. although, pair of shoes were perceived as the direction was going towards you, what's their problem now?
⠀⠀ opening your exhausted lids, you looked up forward, only to take sight of your friend from childhood—both hands in pocket the moment he looked at you. at the current occurrence, he looked like his mind was throbbing to speak to you, to talk with you. your gesture, but, leisure as you invited him to sit next to you silently, shrugging off your shoulders. your eyes looking at the opposite direction as his—a soft yet small smile tugged his lips.
⠀⠀ "y—you look uh, good," realizing his form of speech, he bit his lip rigidly, enough for it to slightly bleed, "...ah— i mean, you did good— out there, yeah.” now his breathing pattern were shivering. gee, did he also mention how hot it is?
⠀⠀ dull as ever, you nodded awkwardly, "thank you." he glanced at you to see your features again—nonchalance could be seen on your face. but did he see you just smile for a second?
⠀⠀ awkward silence occupied the tension, both friends sitting next to each other on the opposite ends of the bunk, myung-gi was hoping for a motion to appear from you but failed to avail.
⠀⠀ "why are you here?" he questioned you—fingers fidgeting was visible on your lap—few gazes that and there from him. "i could ask you the same question, " you responded swiftly, "...I'm here to start off a new life— to get money for future needs." breaths hitched, your anatomy rocking back and forth a little—which to others are you sitting still, yet for myung-gi? he acknowledged to himself that you were anxious, though from what?
⠀⠀"you're here because you're in debt, are you?" you added, his jaw tightened from the question— "crypto market? people bought your coin, right?" oh, so you were aware of the incident.
⠀⠀ "look, I—"
⠀⠀ "yap later, I'm too tired for that." you groaned, your eyebrows scrunching—lips thin as you sighed briefly. unfortunately, you were unable to meet his gaze, again. your hand waving thoroughly at his direction while you still refrained yourself from looking at him. he blinked till he chuckled lightly, gazing at your aggravated figure. "still like your old self, huh?"
⠀⠀ you breathed through your nose, your heart fluttering at his full, but, jaunty laughter. he still had that youth in him, you just know it. nevertheless, before you knew it, his own hand made contact with yours—gravity seems to slow down—the friction was dense yet observable. his smile was hesitant thus apparent, his face increasing in temperature as he still had the cheeky smile plastered on his facial features.
⠀⠀ you made no move whatsoever, you, in fact, did not know how to respond to physical contact that well so you were slightly distant compared to the previous times. you sat there, mind's blank and black. you both are friends, aren't you? he had always been this affectionate since you two were juveniles, then there's no issue evident for that, right?
⠀⠀ "we are friends, myung-gi." you stated.
⠀⠀"you mean more to me than that, [n]." he further alleges.
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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this is prob silly but i appreciate you being so candid about not interacting with much media (like film/tv/pop culture stuff). it's kind of hard to be on tumblr or really even exist if you're not able to interact with media but it's a big trigger for me so i just... can't. like, i've never had anyone understand that it's not a choice i'm making to be special/different/lazy i just have extreme and unhealthly reactions to most media, except some books and comics. which idk if that's how it is for you (its not my business or anything) but i've never felt seen/represented about it before so im thankful, yk?
i appreciate you for sending this! i don't find it silly at all
i think it's very good for you to acknowledge that you have an unhealthy relationship with most forms of media. i'm sorry that you're going through this, but consuming media is not a requirement nor is it something that you genuinely need for your mental health, so it's okay that that's how you feel. i appreciate this because it gives me a chance to talk about something that is important to me, but people struggle to understand why that is
my parents used to make fun of whatever i was watching or playing as a kid over my shoulder. i used to get relentlessly mocked every time i put on a show i liked or played a game in front of either of them. it caused me to have severe trauma for years where i couldn't watch or play anything around other people at all. i still don't like when people ask me to put on things that i do like for a big group. the stress i feel when other people don't enjoy it is not worth it. i'm still very uncomfortable doing this to this day
i've felt pretty alienated all my life due to this. it seems like now more than ever, media, especially fictional media, is so important to general modern culture that it creates a barrier between people who do and don't engage. and it's not like it's a passive thing, i have people get offended at me when i say i haven't seen a movie or TV show. not talking about anyone on here, or any anons i've answered about media! people have been kind and respectful here. but in my real life and in conversations with other people, i have genuinely been mocked or insulted because i don't engage with most television, movies, books and comics.
i've had people question my autism over this. when i've told people in the past that i do not engage with pop culture, fictional media and so on, i've had people actually say "but i thought you were autistic????" like it's genuinely frustrating that it seems like people have shifted to thinking that autistic people's special interests are always cartoons, games and TV shows. it worries me because at times it feels like people are turning the common definition of autism into Media Consumption Disorder. my special interests are queer history & culture, animals & nature, and medicine & psychology. i genuinely enjoy research, it's something i happily do for hours because it stimulates my brain and motivates me. it excites me just as much as i think fiction excites people who can enjoy it. it's more than okay for autistic people to have a piece of media as their special interest, i'm not saying that its not! but it frightens me that people seem to conflate "autistic" with "loves fictional media".
due to my DID, i can't remember plots. like at all. plots confuse the ever loving hell out of me because i can't keep track of what's going on. real life doesn't have a plot. science doesn't have a plot. i don't know if fully understand the point of a plot, honestly. expecting people to be able to remember such an absurd amount of information in order to figure out something that happens down the road or at the very end feels like a herculean task to me. i can't remember what happened to me 10 minutes ago, there's no way i'm remembering a tiny event that happened hours and hours and hours ago. scripted interactions feel so stiff and unnatural to me
people tell me i'm saying i don't know what they're talking about to "be an asshole". i used to have a best friend who got really into dungeons&dragons and it traumatized me for years because i got into at first, then quickly lost interest once i realized how boring actually playing the game is for me. my friend did NOT take it well. he continued to force me to play. if i would ask him to please change the conversation topic he would start insulting and berating me and telling me that i was pretending to not be interested anymore to be mean to him. he couldn't understand that i grew out of it. he never got any better with this, as he was obsessed with marvel films and would get super pissed off if i told him i had no interest or didn't know what to say to him. it was frustrating because i didn't have a choice whether or not i could like something. it was "if you don't like this, you're an asshole."
and it's not just him that's treated me that way. it's been most of my friends. for whatever reason, when you tell the average person that you haven't seen, or god forbid don't like a piece of media, they take it personally for... some reason. as if i said "no i don't watch that because that's bad" as opposed to what i actually say is "i don't know what that is" or "i haven't seen that". you would not believe how insecure people get when you tell them you don't like a piece of media they like. i'm not sure why people feel like their favorite media is an extension of themselves, but it's an unhealthy relationship. it's not healthy to get offended if your friend tells you they haven't seen a piece of media that you have.
i have aphantasia, which is the inability to picture things in my head. i don't get "sucked into" media like people with clearer mind's eyes do. i don't picture anything cool or epic or fun happening in my head because i can't. as a result, i don't get pulled into shows, i don't get invested in tabletop games, i don't really get that affected by the media that i watch because i am painfully aware that i'm staring at a pre-recorded and scripted show the entire time. i'm painfully aware that i'm staring at an actor in a costume i just cannot get immersed in most forms of media save for very rare video games but even then, i immediately stop thinking about it the second i'm done interacting with it
i just don't listen to music and that one baffles people as i'm punk. most music is just straight up overstimulating to me due to my autism. i'm not saying that music is bad, it just overstimulates the everloving hell out of me. most of the time it just hurts my ears or gives me a headache or triggers my misophonia, which results in me getting irrationally pissed off. it's not something i can control. i prefer to listen to nature sounds, very simple meditation music that is a few simple tones, or nothing at all. i actually enjoy silence. i enjoy not overloading my ears. i enjoy being alone with my own thoughts. i can't think when there's too much noise happening
video games are more enjoyable than anything else due to the interactive element, but that does not mean i am paying attention to the characters or the story. it's very rare that a game can actually make me get interested in the characters themselves. i'm just there for the gameplay. generally i prefer games like rollercoaster tycoon, tower unite and other games that don't have a plot at all and are strictly focused on gameplay. i have no idea how people memorize all the different characters and interactions and story beats in games that have an overarching plot.
it's a personal choice. you're allowed to choose what your hobbies and interests are. if pop culture stresses you out, you do not have to engage. i just straight up do not get pop culture references at all and i've had people laugh at me for it but i just really don't care, it's not what i'm interested in as a person. i feel like a lot of people aren't quite realizing that most popular media is made for profit, not to be something genuinely well written or entertaining. i'm not saying those things are bad but what i am saying is that it's a product meant to be consumed in order for you to help a generally huge company profit. there's very little soul and whimsy when it comes to most AAA games and big box office films. the artistic integrity is severely lacking
anyway, thank you for giving me a chance to talk about this more at length! it's why i'm just very honest about it because i'm not going to force myself to change my interests because some people find how i approach life strange, or take it personally. you're allowed to choose what you interact with and don't. you're allowed to define your own interests and hobbies. and i think you're doing a great thing by acknowledging that you have an unhealthy relationship with pop culture. a LOT of people do right now. it's manufactured to be addicting on purpose. binge watching things is encouraged and is becoming seen as a new norm. i don't think people like you or i deserve to be mocked for approaching life in ways that make sense to us. take care of yourself, i appreciate you!
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kisakunt · 2 hours ago
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THE RICH MAN’S GUIDE TO CORRUPTION
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GIVE IT UP FOR LOVE
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warnings… i mean some absolute swine talk, gojo and geto are evil men, you’re a sweet and pure virgin. swearing, mentions of fucking, really just vile pig shit.
synopsis… suguru and satoru have a lovely chat over a warm summers breeze. oh! and sweet, un-expecting, vulnerable you is the topic of discussion.
a word from the creator… idk if i mentioned this but this fic is based loosely off the movie cruel intentions! banger film, check it out. i wrote a lot of this chapter awhile ago so if the writing style switches up next chapter don’t sue me. i’m excited!!!! here’s to the next eleven chapters of hell
series masterlist
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Gojo hates the heat. He thinks he's tolerated it before on his father’s yacht or when he did an unnecessary shirtless carwash for extra money he didn't need; but right now with the breeze through the window— that Suguru demanded be open— overbearing the air conditioner, he's absolutely positive that summer is the worst.
“Start of the year’s comin’, yknow.” He typically broke the silence— as if he could ever shut up to begin with— and he was almost always met with a:
“No shit.” strident response. Those seemed to be Suguru’s speciality, and provoking them seemed to be Satoru’s.
It’s too hot. His white hair presses into the drywall, feeling much cooler than the air outside. “I’m not stupid, Suguru. Neither are you, you know what I mean.” It’s an overdramatic sigh— a call for attention— as he turns his head over to look at him.
“They’re gonna ask us about it soon.” And, in some way Suguru can’t really comprehend, Gojo sounds excited.
His manner isn’t necessarily wrong, not so much as it is unexpected. The ‘new year, new fuck’ competition of Azabu was practically famous among the young men certain to attend— the sons of the sons who started it, and all their nephews or cousins or any synonym for a pig of a relative that they could come up with. And, luckily enough, they had the privilege to be top candidates.
The competition was started by the current dean’s uncle, a horny fuck-all type who would take any and all excuse to boost his ego while tearing down a girls— or maybe he really did just want a good lay. But, it grew and grew and grew, and now it was almost ritualistic, a second identity of worthiness in the form of fucking a virgin before anyone else did.
Sure, they were nothing but thrilled for it as high school reached an end, or even the first or second year of university. But now it just seemed dull.
But, traditions are custom, and customs are a necessity. It’s almost become lore throughout their little clique of affluence; whispered stories from childhood turned into real competition after a long wait, especially from a group of people who so rarely have to wait for anything. It’s inspiring, they think, means to associate themselves with a lower class; normalize themselves just a little more.
Alumni share stories at functions, putting the frat in fraternizing, nonchalance on the tips of their tongues. Sometimes the tone almost feels dark, and Suguru thinks if he were a better person he’d feel some type of sympathy for the girls. Any fragment of empathy he had wiped away when he won for the first time, though, wide smirk as his year mates glared at him; memories of the tight, albeit idiotic, girl engrained behind the lids of his eyes.
Even so, it gets old quick. And it’s not like they don’t fuck dumb, stupid, silly girls with nothing to say for the rest of the year anyway. So, he can’t quite figure out what Gojo is all too excited about.
“Well try to make sure your dick doesn’t get hard from the thought, you fucking freak.” There’s a giggle from the other man, a scoff too, and he pushes his hand out at him.
This is crucial. This is who they are together. A pair— whether it’s a pair of awful men or not.
There’s also a sense of trepidation that comes with it, of course. It’s exclusive, more so than they already are, and if you do one thing wrong- speak a little too loud, come off too brash, give a lackluster lie after actually getting caught— you’re out. And whose pride would want that?
“It’s stupid we always gotta wait for them to sit us down, it’s not like we don’t know what’s coming up.” He scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. “Plus, what a fucking weird thing to say to your kid.”
“I mean the whole thing’s odd if you think about it.” Gojo shrugs, hands stuffed in his pockets, forearms bare against the linen of his trousers.
He’s right, of course. Even if neither of them feel guilt for their actions, they can’t ignore the sinking feeling in their stomach when their own fathers sit them down and incite such a twisted view on them.
Be that as it may, it’s not too bad when that’s all they know, and it’s not like either of them are going to complain at a quick orgasm, a nice pair of tits, and that goddamn feeling of triumph.
“Do you think they’ll cry again?” Satoru mocks, brimming with glee as he leans in the direction of his friend. “It’s always funny, dontcha think?”
“As if you’d know,” There’s a smirk despite the aggression in his tone. “Dunno why it matters so much to you, you already got bitches babbling about you all the time.”
Gojo sighs, expression bored and childish and fucking greedy. “Yeah, I know but…” His voice peters out, lost in the room. Elation bubbles back into his features, warming his cheeks and animating his eyes as he looks at Suguru.
“Yknow, I heard the dean has a daughter starting, actually. Real sweet gal, even wrote a whole fucking magazine article about the importance of ‘saving your innocence’” his voice wobbles, eyes rolling as he sneers. “for someone you really love.”
“Sounds like she’s ugly.”
“Thought so, too, but..” He trails off, hand fishing in his back pocket for his phone, pupils dilating at the light on his screen. It doesn’t take him long to find the photo; clearly he’s been sitting on his discovery for awhile, anticipating when he could tell him. “Look.”
Suguru doesn’t like to be wrong, much less will he ever admit it. “Holy shit.” You aren’t necessarily the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, probably not even the prettiest he’s seen in the last month, but you were definitely something.
Maybe it was the curve of your jaw or the tint in your lips, but the photo set something off in him. On the surface he thinks it’s the just barely explicit face you’re making in your mirror, phone in hand as you look into your lens, but really, honestly, if he’s searching deep down— it’s the fact he knows you’re the one girl who wouldn’t just throw herself on him if he so kindly asked.
“Sugu, are you ever bored of this? It feels too easy, right?” Suddenly Gojo’s previous excitement feels misplaced, voice itching for more. “Hardest part about it is finding out who’s actually a virgin or not, and that’s pretty simple with how awkward they get.”
“What are you saying?” Maybe he already knows, maybe he’s hoping for the obvious, but he asks like he doesn’t care. The former moves fast, hand steady on the desk as he leans far too close for comfort. In any other situation, he’d probably be met with a harsh jab to the face, but this feels different— secret.
“Let’s do something, on our own, just you and me.” He almost seems too impatient, pressure digging into the ground from the toes of his shoes and gaze begging. It was the kind of thing that made you want to agree, if nothing else to just feel a fraction of the way he seemed to be. Before Suguru could even consider the idea, test the waters and make Gojo beg a little bit, said boy opened his mouth again.
“I mean, unless you’re not up for it. You don’t really seem like the type to make a girl give it up for love.” He snickers, raising the back of his hand to his forehead as he feigns swooning.
“Geto, I— I love you.” His voice is high, wheezy in his imitation and a little rude. “I think.. I think I’m ready- I want it to be you.” He cuts himself off with his own laugh, hand circling over his mouth to try to stifle himself. “Could you imagine?”
“The fuck does that mean?!”
“Cmon, Suguru, you’re not really the endearing type.” He’s edging him now, tone manipulative and pressing and snarky and Suguru knows— of course he knows, but it can’t help but irk him.
“What are you thinking?” And now Gojo’s beaming again, feet guiding him back across the room to his bag, books stacked neatly inside, lying even against each other. He pulls out a magazine and tosses it to him haphazardly before he reaches back for a notebook and a pen.
“Page 36, read it.” The article is cheesy. It’s too long and feels like something right off a self care Facebook page. Suguru is sure he physically recoiled a couple times reading it; especially when you wrote ‘Virginity is a miracle— the ability to show someone how much you love them in such an intimate way should be saved for someone special.’.
It’s shocking that you’re the daughter of the man who oversees their little sex game.
Suguru thinks you’re vile— embarrassing and pathetic and a huge fucking waste of what seems like a really good pair of blowjob eyes. It makes his skin crawl and he verbally scoffs when he reads your finishing sentence about cherishing your virtues, so focused on the arrogance in your punctuation that he doesn’t even hear Gojo’s laugh.
“Pretentious as shit, right?” He snorts, eyes flickered as he recites the passage in his head. “It’s gonna feel so good to fuck the words right out of her mouth.” Suguru didn’t know what he expected from his friend, but it wasn’t that. It’s clear through, through and through, that he’s dedicated to the idea.
“I mean sure, I guess you’ll have your turn. Maybe she’ll fuck just about anyone after I win.”
“Wait, so you’re in?”
“Whatever.”
“Fuck yeah!” He’s joyful, fist pumping into his chest in a quick celebration before he’s holding up his notebook, standing directly across the floor from the desk.
The wood is dark, deep and marbled, glazed over the top and lined with little symbols of power in the form of trophies. It’s clearly something too nice to serve as a welcome mat, but nonetheless Suguru rests his heels on the surface, ankles crossed over each other as he leans back in his chair. His eyes point to the ceiling to look at anything other than the annoyance in front of him.
“Well clearly we need to set up some rules.” He sneers in his seat when he remembers not looking at him won’t make him shut up.
“Okay well we have the obvious: whoever fucks first wins. And I mean fucks, none of that sloppy anal shit. Doesn’t count.” It’s almost funny, but neither of them acknowledge it. If they do, that’ll come hand in hand with the fact they’re acting just like their fathers.
“She has to be sober.” He didn’t really expect himself to say that, but he did expect Satoru to whine.
Gojo lets it sit in the air for a second before he nods curtly and jots something done.
“Would it be too cocky to say she has to cum?” The journal’s away from his face now and someone could, and probably would, argue that the walls are lucky to see the boyish grin he’s got. His smirk pulls up at the corners of his lips, but Suguru just finds it vexing. Gojo is far too full of himself, he thinks, and he hates to admit there’s good reason.
Nonetheless, he has to give him a little shit. “Do they normally not with you?”
“Hey! That’s not what I meant, asshole.” There’s something sweet to Satoru, under all the sickening that is his personality. It makes people understand just why girls fall for him, and definitely helps him keep a good image to the public.
And there’s something smart to him that makes you feel like he could really pull whatever he wanted off. It makes the idea of competing with just him much more appealing.
“Are we gonna have like a— fuck I don’t know— like a time limit?”
“Fuck is this? A video game?”
“I mean no, but competition wise if it takes us like half a year isn’t that kind of stupid? Because who’s to say she won’t ‘really love you’ by then, and then you’re not making her go against anything, yknow?” And there's also something meticulous about him that makes him aggravating as all hell.
“Fine. A month.”
“Just a month?”
“Yeah, you’re right. Plus, anything longer than that and we’d just be a couple of fucking losers chasing after a bitch.” Suguru knows Gojo is giving him a look without even seeing it, the slightly judgmental and almost kind one he does. “What? You’re the one who said it to begin with.”
“Yeah, okay, whatever. A month.” It’s silent for a second, comfortable with all their years of each other, before he clears his throat.
“That it then?” Maybe they’re the same kind of evil. Maybe they deserve each other.
“One more, actually.” There’s that feeling from him again, the tone that makes Suguru want to agree aimlessly for no fucking reason other than the possible rush. And before he can fester; before his skin can start to crawl and his hands can get clammy just from that sheer desire in his voice, Gojo grins.
“You need proof. And I don’t mean her saying it, because you can bribe anyone into saying anything. Gotta show it, photo or video or something, balls deep or whatever the fuck.” That almost makes Suguru laugh.
“I don’t think she’s gonna go for that one, no matter how good the dick is.”
“She doesn’t have to know.” Now he’s really thrilled. He doesn’t know what it is, but that lights something in him, stirs in his stomach and causes a little quiver in his brow.
“Fuck yeah, man,” he’s really laughing now, pointing at the journal harshly. “write that shit down.”
There’s something unspoken over them now, a deeper bond than they thought they could have. Neither of them would ever admit it, but it feels like they’re those two high schoolers again, counting down til they can become something fucking great. This is the feeling they’re supposed to get from their fathers’ stupid fucking contest. This is actual competition, a chance to actually win.
A new air falls on them, mixed back in with that warm, rich breeze.
“Okay, that settles that then.” Gojo offers, fingers tapping the binding of his book. “She has to be attending the start of the year banquet so that’ll be an excuse to meet her. Everything from then on is up to us.” Suguru always dreaded that shitty event, but now he finds himself doing mental math to count how far away it is.
Even if the whole thing is trivial, and even if you seem like the most uptight thing ever, Suguru is a man of pride. And prideful he’ll be.
“We still gotta do the ‘new year’ thing, you know. They’ll burst a fucking artery if we say we’re not interested.” His voice is gravelly and calm and so not anything he’s feeling, but he thinks Gojo buys it when he chuckles.
“Can you be excommunicated from being a womanizer? Because I think we would be.” They’re almost joking like everything is normal. It’s different, so much different, but they’re acting the same.
“I’m gonna go grab some water and maybe call one of your maids to make lunch, you want anything?” Suguru shakes his head, shifting in his seat as he tries his hardest not to look at the journal Satoru set on the side table.
“Suit yourself, I’ll be back.”
“Whatever,” He waits after Gojo walks out. Waits a good forty five seconds before he stands up, and he crosses the room in about three.
He glances over at the thrown aside notebook, eyes quick as he scans it. The handwriting is adjacent to messy, scattered and the page is littered with semi vulgar doodles and side bars. It’s coherent, though, and even though they both know Gojo had no intention of giving it to him, it’s got his signature at the bottom.
1. Full fucking!! Penis in vagina
2. No signs of being inebriated. Absolutely stone cold sober
3. If it takes longer than a month after everyone is introduced we’re both “a couple of fucking losers” (< Sugu’s words)
4. Orgasms are important ! Or at least near orgasms (she is a virgin)
5. Photo / video proof. If you can’t get it, you aren’t in it (haha! get it?)
He snickers at four, the uneasy tone in the second sentence almost self deprecating. Despite that, he can’t help but feel a smidge of respect that he ended up adding it to begin with.
He grabs the pen from the table, pressing into the paper too hard as he leaves his chicken scratch of a John Hancock. Okay, maybe this will be fun.
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taglist… @moonlight-pearls @sharkerino @echerie
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linda-rose · 8 months ago
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don't know why I usually avoid it but I just rewatched "Swing" for the first time in a very long time and I think it's one of the most genius and heart wrenching and beautiful episodes of SVU actually.
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sailoryooons · 5 months ago
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Your silence on Yoongi drunk driving is deafening. Do you have anything to say about it?
I’m not sure what my opinion or view on the matter has to do with anything - I’m not a stakeholder whose opinion really matters, you know what I mean? I think driving drunk on a scooter was incredibly stupid and short-sighted, and I think he should pay a fine and have his license revoked, just like he would in the US if he got a DUI. I think exploring all the nuances of what type of scooter it was and distance etc. would just be to comfort myself and has very little to do with the severity or lack-there-of for the actual crime. Yoongi is an adult more than capable of accepting the consequences of poor decision-making and that’s really where I stand on it. I don’t love him any less, but he did something wrong and that’s all there is to it. 
Also FYI - I'm a fanfiction blog, not a reporting and fandom updates blog. I definitely don't address or intend to address every single thing that happens in this fandom unless I feel like adding to the conversation. I can sort of understand wondering my opinion on certain thins, but this specific ask feels very aggressively worded as though I have somehow failed my part in fandom by not providing an official stance.
Also - I've been on a semi-hiatus all week, which is information that is easily accessible on my blog, in addition to me being very vocal about my move. So. There is that.
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aroaessidhe · 6 months ago
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2024 reads / storygraph
Bury Your Gays
Horror
a scriptwriter in hollywood who’s getting attention & an Oscar nom after working in the industry for years, but is being pressured by algorithm-obsessed producers to kill off the queer characters in the season finale of the show he writes
and when he starts getting stalked by the monsters he wrote (based on traumas of his past) he has to figure out how to survive, along with his best friend and boyfriend
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nomidreams · 3 months ago
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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13eyond13 · 5 months ago
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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jasongracedefenseattorney · 9 months ago
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here’s my full review of the tortured poets department: the anthology by taylor swift. i’m just going to start off by saying this is a grown ass woman and a billionaire and if you believe her music is above reproach just because she embodies girlhood or you liked the album or whatever just keep it trucking because i get to say whatever i want here.
first here’s the songs i like:
the black dog (what girl hasn’t checked a location, i ask you?!?)
chloe or sam or sophia or marcus (it could be traffic sounds and my name being in the title will still make me like it)
the alchemy
clara bow (this one makes me go 🎀🧚🏻‍♀️💕)
thank you aimee (grandchild of mean)
the albatross
peter (really mostly just the ending)
the bolter
the manuscript
the smallest man who ever lived (i will never hate a song that is about how matty healy sucks)
i can do it with a broken heart (corny but i have already seen edits with it and the right edit could make me like any song plus certain parts remind me of yoyok)
guilty as sin?
my boy only breaks his favorite toys (specifically for the line “im queen of sandcastles he destroys” which i like)
but daddy love him (she’s real for saying cut the fucking whining)
fortnight (post malone’s positive affect on my enjoyment cannot be overstated)
now for my opinions:
many of the songs aren’t BAD just completely unmemorable like i remember nary a lyric or tune of cassandra or the prophecy or robin etc etc
jack antonoff should be strung up! the only good things he’s done are 1. melodrama by lorde, and 2. inspiring margaret by lana del rey (plus the occasional good taylor song like getaway car and sweet nothings but whatever) honestly the two have outgrown each other and their music apart is way more interesting than anything they do together. aaron dessner is a hero.
i have no technical issues with florida!!! but as someone who has spent quite a bit of time in florida it feels like someone romanticizing newark, new jersey and that feeling stretches so deep that not even florence + the machine could make me enjoy what is otherwise a really fun song
there must be something about british men bc people dating british guys write so american by olivia rodrigo and paper rings and people who have broken up with british guys write so long, london
who’s afraid of little old me feels like the perfect example of every criticism taylor gets. she is the most powerful voice in hollywood, is extraordinarily litigious, and has won in every way that matters but still she acts like every criticism of her is an attack on girlhood and feminism. like she is a grown woman writing “i’m just a girl” music about how not being universally adored is such a huge tragedy and it just feels so corny
i look in peoples windows and down bad are both songs i’m sure i’ll love two months from now
the line about 1830 without the racists is CRAZY. even without the racists that was not a good time!
overall a very weak album. it’s like she’s stuck in some sort of perma-youth where she is unable to mature beyond “all of my exes are either the devil or taylor lautner” and it shows how very insular her adulthood has been. she’s been famous her entire adult life and her music sounds like the kind of lyric a teenager writes in their notes app. like i don’t hate the music but it’s all just so extraordinarily mid. every song on this album could be on any other album of any other pop girlie and i wouldn’t blink. taylor is supposed to be one of the strongest lyricists of our time and we’re getting lyrics like “touch me while your bros play grand theft auto”
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trans-leek-cookie · 7 months ago
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Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.
Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal
Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that
Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)
Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).
Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic
Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"
#Eugenics TW#cult TW#ask to tag#Suguru when I catch you#Anyway this was me thinking Abt the fact that Toji ISNT a normal human. He just can't use jujutsu. He's like supernaturally powerful anyway#So Geto's whole shit is like. Pretty misdirected. Though also personal thought is I don't think His parents were good (and he's projecting#That onto every other person who's not a sorcerer) mostly cause like. Going straight to murdering your parents is not really expected#Progression in eugenics id think? Bc if you posit urself as the ''superior'' person theoretically ur parents should also b part of that#Bc genetics or whatever. Idk how genetic sorcery shit is but even tho his parents Weren't sorcerers usually ppl would make excuses I think#So. Basically I feel like he probably did not have a great relationship w them. Not that that makes him any better more just like. Thinking#Through what's happening in his head...why the fuck did he decide on a different last name for that woman. WTF is wrong with him#I am suguru's number 1 LOVER and his number 1 HATER. I'm suffering bc none of the fanfic makes him enough of a bitch#It's really fucking something bc like. Looking at him as someone who's had similar thought progressions and is unlearning the kind of toxic#Black/white extremist thinking he has going on. It's cathartic in a way to deconstruct that and be able to analyze my own thoughts as well#But then no one is putting in the effort to actually engage with his ideas and the flaws in them (INCLUDING THE AUTHOR.)#Anyway most people when they have a crisis and reach an extremely bad mental health situation would join a cult rather than take over a cul#But suguru is different. That's why I love him and also why I'm going to break his ribs.#Diversity win this autistic trans guy fucking sucks so bad you want him dead#I need to tag these damn posts w something but I'm too lazyyyu
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fadewalking · 1 month ago
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I did it. I finally beat this game.
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wildevenusian · 3 months ago
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(​it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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hexcitrine · 1 year ago
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randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy
#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition#i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is#3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months#(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it)#anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months#however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well#let's just say i have not been making art at all#that might change soon tho#rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far#idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it#or even reading it#especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO#but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all#it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters#last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself#of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily#that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny#but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good#i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things#god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage#sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with#oh also it's my birthday#that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place#happy lan wangji birthday#actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart#and then remembered that we share the same birthday#also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved#and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there#actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made#sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done
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queenerdloser · 4 months ago
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my indirect boss told me today that apparently they are once again talking about having us come into the office more. and emphasized about how it wasn't about performance it just "makes sense" to have people in more.
and like. i didn't argue bc tbh i don't think they want to hear it. but genuinely i'm seething about it bc NO! it doesn't make sense lol. like a) we won't all be in the on the same days, so it's not like it's going to help from a team perspective and b) the doctors we work for are never fucking there, so it's not like it's going to help from that perspective either. every thursday when i go in, it's literally just me all day. it would change NOTHING if i was at home that day vs in the office bc there's literally!!! no one!!!! there!!!!! so how is being in one extra day where they will still be no one there going to do??? anything????
idk it frustrates me bc this push is coming from the doctors who are like. not even in the office more than MAYBE one day a week. and from our higher up boss who for sure is only in the office one day a week. and i know it won't apply to a portion of our admin team bc that portion's supervisor has already point blank said she won't enforce it and won't ask her team to do it. and i have a feeling it will once again just be like the three members of our immediate team which will once again just feel like a punishment for "mistakes" that are a) so small it's fucking insane to me that anyone cares or b) are being caused by the system being shitty and not our own human error.
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