#applications are not open to real people from real life that part is only for the fictional students at the school

[yell0w-jacket]

one like/reblog = one vote thats real i'll hold my DM to it

[crios31]

Chapter 2: Traveling to Japan

Story building and smut (Cunnilingus, cowgirl, creampie, doggy style)

Lenght 2700 words

You are at the airport and it’s finally time to board your plane to Japan with Wendy for a new chapter of your life.

“Take care of each other over there.” Says your mother, hugging both of you. “Ah, I almost forgot, it’s the file concerning the scholarship program plus some other things that I deemed useful.” She releases her hug before giving you the files which you put in your backpack. “Thanks mom.”

“Say hello to everyone on our behalf.” asks your father when it’s his turn to hug you.

Your goodbyes now done, you board the plane , waving one last time to your parents on the way. Inside the plane, you both go to your place in first class and  follow the instructions of the crew before the take-off.

An hour later, the plane is now at cruising altitude so you decide to read the file your mother gave. On the seat beside you, Wendy is reading a book.

The first part of the file is about the public information that you mostly know. That the program is for girls that show aptitude academically or athletically and it was created by your Mother after she opened her first school. Scholarship recipients are accepted in all your Mother’s school or can in another school if they don’t want to move, in both cases all of their living expenses are taken care of. The rules they had to follow are simple, maintaining good results and good behavior. 

The second part is about the non-public information. To start, the real way to enter the program is that your mother chose them, the academic or athletic potential being one more reason. By entering the program, there is more than just living expenses that are taken care of, more financial support could be given like paying a family debt. Other specific issues can also be resolved. Another benefit is the possibility to have access to private tutoring to skip grades in order to graduate earlier. In exchange for all of that, one more rule exists, they are not allowed to date.

Regarding the selection of those that will work for you, most of them cannot refuse it. Wendy was one of the exceptions. For the selection process of the applicants it is a strict one, a minimum age requirement of eighteen moreover the appearance and personality are taken into account for the decision. Those that fall short will be recommended to other employers, also a possibility is to become a standard employee in one of your ventures because of their skills. In those two cases they will become exempt from the rules of the program after graduation. In exchange they will only be asked to recruit people that could enter the program. This part also contains detailed data about the cost of the program, the number of recipients and so on.

Finally, the last part of the file begins with a note explaining that the goal of the program and the selection is for you to have people you can trust at your side and that you’ll slowly take responsibility in the program. After this section of the note you read “Grandkids?” followed by a winking smiley, both seemed to have been handwritten by your mother. This addition from her makes you laugh. The end of the note informed that the documents following it are profiles of girls she deemed ready for selection.

From your first look, there are around twenty candidates' profiles and all of them are older than you. You take your time studying each of them, taking notes. You also ask Wendy to look at each of the profiles after you’re done with it.

Later during the flight, you have just finished sorting out the profiles with Wendy in order to select a first batch of girls that will work for you.

“We are down to three sir, two of them are studying in the University that you will join, while the last one is studying in another one, in Seoul. How do you want to proceed?”

“For the one in the other University, just give her the news and explain to her that she can focus on University for now. For the others, we'll contact them to set up a meeting, starting with this one.” You give a specific profile to Wendy.

“Kim Minji? Understood, I'll arrange that during our stay in Japan.”

A few hours after the plane landed at Narita Airport, you have settled in at your hotel. Sitting in the hotel’s restaurants you are savoring with Wendy some Kobe’s beef. Finishing your plate, you look on your left, through the window at Tokyo’s nighttime view.

“So delicious I really wanted to taste this if I ever had the opportunity to come to Japan.”

“I’ll make sure you can try as many specialties as you can during our stay.”

“So many things come to my mind!”

As you talk, the waiter takes your empty dishes and quickly comes back with the dessert.

“Oh it’s so good too, I’ll try to do one later.”

You smile looking at the baking fanatic. “Do you want to try mine?” You push your plate toward her.

“Yes, thanks.” She quickly takes a big spoonful of your dessert. “It’s delicious too.”

“You can finish it”

“Really? Are you full?” She asks her spoon hovering above the dessert.

“Not really but I will eat another dessert in our room tonight.” You answer, looking at her in the eyes.

She raises an eyebrow at your answer before focusing back on the sweet treat in front of her. When she finishes it, you pay for the meal complimenting the service and the food to the waiter, then you exit the restaurant.

In the elevator, you take a look at Wendy, in particular her miniskirt and you can’t stop yourself from touching her butt.

“Sir?” She turns her head toward you in surprise. Two floors later, the elevator stops for other people to enter, in reaction, Wendy immediately shoves your hand away from her. You wait for them to turn their backs to you before once again grabbing her behind, but this time your hand is under her skirt. Her body becomes tense and you smile mischievously at her when your eyes cross hers. You continue to fondle her ass, sometimes brushing your middle finger against her pussy, as the elevator goes up you can feel her slowly becoming wet. 

When you arrive at your floor, you reluctantly stop. Wendy quickly passes the opened door of the elevator and you follow suit, after entering your room she sits on the bed looking at you.

“Couldn’t you wait for us to be in the room to do that?” 

“No, your cute little butt was too tempting.” You walk toward the bed, stopping in front of Wendy, you lean forward putting your hands on her tights. “And it was fun watching you get all flustered.” You give her a quick peck.

“Fun for you.”  She complains in a low voice feeling your hands behind her knees.

“Now let’s have some fun, shall we?” You suddenly lift her legs causing her to yelp as she loses her balance, her upper body falling on the mattress. You grab her panties and take it off from her body. Placing your hands on the back of her thighs, you spread them.

You get on your knees as you begin kissing her legs, starting from her calves,  slowly making your way up her leg. She feels the touch of your lips approaching her pussy, you alternate from one leg to the other. Wendy's growing excitement makes her breathing quicker as she bites her bottom lip. 

Finally arriving at your destination, you take a look at her glistening folds. You lick her lower lips before inserting your tongue inside her. As you explore her pussy your jaw gets wet from her nectar.

“Fuck… that’s feel good.” She gasps, putting one hand on your head when you replace your tongue with your finger in order to tease her small bud with your mouth. You hook your finger toward the roof of her pussy. Her angelic voice gets louder and her walls get tighter as you continue with your task.

“I’m getting close.” Hearing this, you put a second finger in her and intensify your tongue’s work.

You feel her grip in your hair tightening and the heels of her shoes burying in your back, causing you some pain. But soon enough her hips rise from the bed taking support on you with her legs and the mattress for her upper body. From her mouth comes a scream of pleasure as she orgasms.

Her body relaxes, freeing you from her legs. You stand up and look at Wendy who is still feeling the aftermath of her climax. You take off your shirt her wipe your face of her slicks

“Do you want me to return the favor?” Wendy asks in a soft voice.

“Maybe another time, for now I want to be in you.” You get naked finally freeing your member, climbing on the bed, you give a long kiss to your partner.

“Then let me be on top.” She says as you let her push you to lay on your back. Wendy takes off her shoes then standing up, she unzips her skirt while looking at you. As the garment fell at her feet she smiles feeling your gaze on her exposed lower body. She places herself above you, taking a hold of your cock to align it with her entrance.

“Damn feels good.” You say watching your length disappear in Wendy when she lowers body.

“You’re stretching me so much.”She began to ride you, taking support on your chest. At first, she starts slowly before gradually increasing her pace.

On your side you're not inactive, taking hold of her waist to help her before sliding a hand under her top. You feel her abs as she drops on you, moving your hand higher,  you take hold of one of her boobs over her bra. Her breast in your grasp, you start kneading it.

Locking eyes with Wendy you feel the grip of her walls around your member getting stronger, in response you raise your hips meeting halfway when she drops on you.

“Sir... Shit! I’m coming.” She stops moving her body tensing up as she cums, her walls clamping around your cock.

“I’m close too.” Using both your hands you lift her body before bringing her down, each time hitting her cervix. Soon enough, you discharge a big load inside her. 

Following your release Wendy falls on you, her head resting on your chest and you both take some time to catch your breath. You feel yourself getting soft in her as you put your arms around her. 

“Let’s get something to drink.” You say giving a light smack on her butt before releasing the hug.

“I’m so full, good thing that I take birth control or I would end up pregnant before long.” Says Wendy as she gets off from you with your semen leaking from her slit.

“Yeah, it’s too early for a kid.” You follow Wendy, taking the glass of water she hands you. While you clench your thirst she takes off her top and bra. You look at her nude body moving to the front of the window.

“I dreamed about visiting new countries and right now I can enjoy this beautiful view.” She says watching the city’s light. “And in addition to that I get to travel with a handsome man.” Turning her head she gives you a wide smile.

“Well now that I know this information, I’ll have you accompany me every time I travel abroad.”

“That would be nice.” She responds with a chuckle. “I heard good things about you before but I didn’t expect you to treat me so well until now. I hope it’ll stay like that”

“Well, you are someone fun to be with,plus you are also a smart and attractive woman. So, I see no reason to change it.” While talking you approach her, taking her into your embrace.

“Thanks.” She whispers, as she puts her hands on top of yours. Both of you stay silent observing the outside but at one point Wendy feels your cock hardening against her butt. “Someone wants more.”

“Always, and I don’t think I’m the only one with how you're grinding your butt against me.”

“You caught me.” She bends over leaning on the window.

You slightly bend your knees to align your cock with her pussy, putting your tip against it. “Hope you’re ready because I won’t stop until the end.” Taking a firm hold of her hips, you thrust all your length inside her in one go.

“Ahhh! Fuck so deep!” As she takes your onslaught, Wendy has to tiptoed and progressively gets her body closer to the window. Soon enough she finds herself with her upper body stuck against the glass. Under your thrust against the entrance of her womb, her pussy begins to twitch as she orgasms.

As you warn her before you continue to fuck her hard throughout her climax as you are far from yours. Following this, she cums again at least twice, hence her eyes are now rolled back, her mouth is open with only moans coming out of it. Furthermore, the only reason why she is still standing is you.

“Where do you want me to cum?”

“Anywhere, just cum.. it’s too much.” She barely answered between moans.

Following her words, you quickly make a decision as you are reaching your limit. You take out your cock of her snatch, placing it between her asscheeks. Giving a few thrusts to finish yourself, you then release streams of semen across her back.

You release your hold on Wendy’s waist. Without any strength left in her legs, she falls on the floor, resting her upper body against the window.

You take a few steps back, relishing the sight in front of you with the city and Tokyo’s Tower as background. Through the fog on the glass caused by your frolicking, the city’s lights are partially illuminating Wendy’s naked body and her cum covered back

“I agree with your earlier comment, this is a great view.” You immortalize this scene with a photo.

During the following days, you both explored the streets of Tokyo. Visiting the traditional district of Asakusa with its Sanctuary and the National Museum of Tokyo. Other places you get to see were, the Kokyo Gaien National Garden where you both enjoyed the peace and quiet before having a tour in the Imperial Palace of Tokyo which is beside it. Along the way, you also tried a lot of different kinds of food.

At the end of your stay in Tokyo, you take the Shinkansen to Osaka. After arriving and dropping your luggage at the hotel, you take a taxi, remembering some memories linked to this city during the ride. 

The taxi stops in front of a two storey house, after paying the driver you ring the doorbell. A few moments later, a man who looks to be in his early forties gets out of the house, opening the gate to Wendy and you.

“Ah, good to see you kid.” says the man in Japanese

“Good to see you too, Uncle. Here is a gift for receiving us.”

“Thank you, oh nice wine, I think I drank some in the past, with your father. By the way, who is this young lady?”

“This is Wendy. Wendy, this is uncle Kosaku” You make the presentation as Wendy doesn't speak Japanese and your uncle, while he can somewhat understand Korean he is not fluent in It.

“Let’s get inside, the other should be waiting for you.” You both followed him inside the house. Immediately after taking off your shoes, your hear footsteps quickly approaching you. You only have the time to raise your head before someone hugs you.

“I’m so happy you’re here! I missed you so much!” says the owner of the feminine voice, hugging you.

“I missed you too, Sana.” You say, returning the hug.

[howtofightwrite]

re: the question about stunning someone with head trauma (and how you Should Not unless you're okay with them dying) would knocking the wind out of a character be a better way to have that happen?

Yes, but no.

So, knocking the wind out of someone is a lot safer. I wouldn't say perfectly safe, this is how Harry Houdini died, after all. However, it's a lot safer that head wounds, and usually wouldn't result in any major injuries.

The downside is against a trained opponent, who's ready for the hit, it's not going to work. This isn't called a, “sucker punch,” without reason. If your abdominal muscles are tensed for the punch, they will absorb a lot of the blow. So this works better against the unaware or the untrained.

The other problem is, it's not going to take someone out for the duration of the scene. In a self defense situation, winding your attacker is great, because it lets you create an opening to start your escape. But, it's not going to stun someone for minutes. From personal experience, you can measure the time you gain from winding your opponent in seconds.

There are combos that start with winding someone and lead into more painful blows that can extend that opening. But, there is a continuity of force: Incapacitating someone for longer requires inflicting harm that is increasingly difficult (impossible) to moderate.

If the goal is to escape from someone who means you harm, then yeah, an elbow strike to their stomach, will give you the opportunity to get out of there.

If the goal is to have a prolonged conversation while standing over a defeated (but still living foe), that's not really something you can do intentionally. At the same time, intentional application of lethal force isn't as reliable as you might expect. For example, gunshot wounds to the head are only fatal ~98% of the time.

The issue with this train of thought is that the individual inflicting harm cannot moderate for the desired outcome. Knocking someone out, only for them to recover, is 100% possible. However, you can't do that intentionally. And having a character who does bounce another person's head off the pavement until they stop twitching, is an incredibly violent act, and it's not going to be a casual, “well they're just knocked out.” It's a, “Carl, that kills people,” moment.

If you want a character that is disproportionately violent, and probably scares everyone around them a bit, this will feed into that presentation. If you want a character who's a good person because they don't kill people, then attempting to inflict life altering injuries on someone is probably not the best way to demonstrate their ethics.

(Remember, Batman doesn't kill people, he just shatters their spines; leaving them at the mercy of the American health care system. So, the real moral lesson of Batman is that it's better to be psychologically unwell and wealthy, than economically disadvantaged. You can murder half of the city, and he'll gently deposit you in a padded cell that you can escape from whenever you get bored of the place, but if you so much as imply that you'll resort to less than legal means to put food on the table for your starving family, he will end your existence as a vertebrate.)

And, yes, I fully realize that, by the nature of his character, and comics, Batman (like most superhero comics) is poorly suited to discuss the complex factors involved in street level crime. This this is more of a critique on the treatment of “violence is okay, so long as no one ends up in the morgue,” more than a specific character critique.

There's another part to this that worth remembering, and I know I've said this before, but when you're writing, violence offers diminishing returns. Violence releases the tension you've been building. You can think of it like a rubber band gun. Until you pull the trigger, that rubber band is under tension, and the moment you release it, you hit your audience. Now, getting hit a rubber band is a sharp, and somewhat unpleasant experience, but the second time is going to annoy you less than the first, and if you're constantly bombarded with them, you'll quickly become numb to their impacts.

I'm not saying that you can't, or shouldn't, use violence, however as a writer, you are paying a very real cost whenever you use violence to resolve a scene. It's something that you do need to consider carefully. Part of my aversion to questions like this comes from this structural consideration. A lot of writers make the mistake of using non-lethal violence somewhat indiscriminately. This can absolutely harm the credibility of your characters, and your world.

There is absolutely a place for violence in stories, however, this is a tool that is most effective when used sparingly, or deliberately. (This doesn't mean the violence itself needs to be deliberate, just your use of it.)

A lot of the time when someone says, “I want to use violence to temporarily remove a character from the scene,” that's a scenario that will harm your story. There are a lot of ways to remove a character from a scene, and I don't mean, “alternatives to fighting,” like hiding from them or talking them down. The limit here is your creativity, and in a lot of ways, violence is the least interesting way to achieve your goals.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

[thejujvtsupost]

My Clothes Look Good On You

I’m getting back into the swing of writing, so it’s probably not my best work but it’s a start. Smut starts next part.

Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist 💗

Notes: F!reader, Pro boxer!Toji, light age gap (Toji is early 30's and reader is mid 20's), pet names (angel, baby, sweetheart), reader is smaller than Toji, getting together, reader is a medic/nurse, light violence (boxing injuries)- the usual series notes.

The texts started not even a day after you met Toji.

Usually stuff like ‘You should come to the gym tomorrow, I can show you a few things.’ And ‘You working for my next match? It’d be nice to have a good luck charm.’

You weren’t expecting anything like this from him, you thought giving him your number was for medical advice or something professional. So his flirting and interest in you was a surprise- one that had you blushing, but you didn’t think he was too serious about it.

And to Toji’s credit, he was nothing but sweet and respectful. It didn’t matter how busy his typically packed schedule was, he was always checking on you, trying to learn more about your life.

“Why don’t you come by the gym after your shift? We could get somethin’ to eat.”

‘I can’t 😕 I’m stuck filling out applications. Maybe another day?’

The reminder of your unemployment stressed you out further. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know you lost your main job after the match. You told him a lot about the work you did with Shoko, but the few hours you had at the clinic weren’t enough to sustain you and everything was going wrong. Your savings were drying up.

‘Whatcha applyin for?’

‘The usual. I’m running late but I’ll talk to you later!’

You didn’t give any specifics, it was embarrassing enough that you got fired. You managed to get an interview at a different hospital, a welcomed change from the countless application denials.

Honestly, fuck Mother Nature.

The interview didn’t go well at all. You had thought there was hope with this job, but at the end of the interview the boss outright told you that they would be going a different direction. You left quickly after that.

Asshole.

The rejection stung. To add insult to injury, it was absolutely pouring rain. Of course you weren’t prepared, too focused on the interview and your clothes were getting more soaked by the minute.

“Fuck!” Your phone was dead, your wallet at home, failing to notice the essentials were missing while worrying about what questions you might be asked was your own fault. You should have paid better attention.

You took an Uber there, so your only option was to walk home, already out of the way of the train station. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too bad…

The rain was a bitter cold, and your entire body trembled with the pain of the wind whipping against your shaking form not twenty minutes into your trek. The world swallowing you whole would be a blessing.

Or, maybe the real blessing was the gym you recognized up ahead. For the first time in a while, you felt a glimmer of hope.

It would be warm in there, and maybe you could borrow a phone to call a cab. You doubted Toji would still be there, but surely someone was still working out, right? It was worth a shot.

Increasing your pace until the door was at your fingertips, and pulling it open- it was unlocked. You could cry. It was warm, and most of all, dry.

You peeked your head into the main room and saw a few people doing their thing, until your eyes landed on Suguru.

He saw you out of the corner of his eye and smiled, about to welcome you in (under the assumption Toji had invited you) until he saw the state you were in. Shivering, wet and probably bound to get sick.

“What the hell? Don’t tell me you walked here, you should’ve rescheduled or something.” He pulled a few towels out from a large cabinet full of them and offered them to you. “Toji’s not worth getting rained on.”

“Toji’s not what now?” The sight of Toji with his bag on his shoulder to go home made you smile a little through the chatter of your teeth. “Woah what the hell?”

“That’s literally what I said, I can’t believe you didn’t at least send someone to pick her up before you dragged her out like a needy bastard.”

Toji ignored him and took a towel to help get some of the water out of your hair, it was a welcomed gesture. “‘Thought you were workin’ sweetheart, don’t tell me you quit your job to come see me, it’ll go to my head. What were you doing in the rain like that? You’re soaked.”

You knew he was teasing you lightheartedly, but the mention of your job had you nearly tearing up with the stress. “About that…”

Suguru took that as a cue to leave you guys alone, “C’mere, you’re gonna get sick.” A much larger hand took yours and led you to the locker room. “I have some clean clothes in my locker and you can change in the bathroom.”

“Oh I couldn’t-” the protests started as soon as he pressed shorts and a shirt over to you.

“Yes you can, I’ll get a bag for your wet clothes.”

Truly, you were freezing, you hadn’t stopped shivering and you probably wouldn’t any time soon. You sighed in resignation and changed in the aforementioned bathroom, cringing at how huge his clothes were (but enjoying the scent secretly.)

Toji was waiting with a spare jacket you slipped on right away and a plastic bag for your wet clothes, but when he saw you dwarfed by his he laughed. “Holy shit, you’re s’cute. C’mon, you look like you need cheered up. I’ll take you to mine and order takeout. Sound good? Then maybe you can tell me what’s got you down too.”

And you probably shouldn’t go with a man that you hadn’t known for too long, but you were hungry and wearing his clothes and tired, and maybe a little weak to his smile-

“Yeah, okay. I’d like that.” You tried to look grateful, but you couldn’t muster too much emotion other than sad.

Once again a large hand took yours and this time led you to his car in the parking garage.

He waited until you were full and warm with your phone on the charger and the tv low in the background before he started asking questions.

Well, more like he was looking at you with concern and you cracked. “I got fired.”

“What? Today? What happened?” The way he sounded ticked off on your behalf made you feel even warmer. Seriously, you can’t be giving in to his charms, but… he was sweet with you and considerate…

“Three weeks ago… after the fight I ran into my boss. I was wearing clothes with the logo of the clinic I work at with Shoko and moonlighting is against the rules but it’s hard with what I was making at my day job. I needed the money from working a second one and I got caught and the stress is so much to handle I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t find someone hiring!” It all came out of you like word vomit and (more than) a few tears of frustration followed.

“Aw sweets, you should’ve told me you were looking for a job, I could’ve helped. Working that many hours isn’t good for you. But they were dead wrong t’fire you like that.” He wiped your tears and his other hand rubbed yours soothingly and it was nice to be touched gently after several weeks of constant stress.

You sniffled and took in a breath, getting that off your back helped more than you thought it would, Toji’s hulking, kind presence was a balm to a wound. “It’s been a lot to handle, I thought today’s interview was going really well until they rejected me at the end. Didn’t even wait to send me a half assed email, just told me outright. I thought they liked me for the job I don’t know what I said wrong.”

“I don’t know sweetheart, they’re crazy not to hire you. Maybe they were scared of how good your resume looked.” His joke made you let out a giggle and a sigh.

“Thanks for cheering me up, and sorry if you had other plans. It’s Friday night and you’re stuck with me crying on you.”

Toji’s brows furrowed, “Who said I was stuck? The only plan I had was text you enough to bother you and get takeout.”

It was your turn for your brows to furrow “It’s literally Friday night, you weren’t going out?”

Suddenly the floor was super interesting to Toji and he scratched the back of his neck with his free hand before looking at you again.

“I thought I was being pretty obvious about it, but I’m not interested in going out unless it’s what you. ‘Don’t want to rush ya, but I’m kinda trying to win you over here. Y’know? Woo ya, that’s what the kids call it these days I think.” His cheeks were flushed red and it was endearing.

“Woo me, huh? You’re sweet, you know that?” You really didn’t think he was serious before, and now he truly had your heart fluttering.

“So… is it working so far?”

You leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips, chaste but sweet. “What do you think?”

Toji pulled you in for another kiss, unable to let you go so soon. “Can I take ya on a date?” He pulled away panting.

“I think I can pencil you in.”

That night you slept better than you had in ages. Toji’s bed was comfortable and he was warm, holding you all night. You woke up before him to pee and crawled back in bed, you shouldn’t be acting so boldly, you weren’t even technically together yet. But Toji made it hard to not want to be around him. No one had treated you so sweetly in years.

“Wow, leavin’ me all alone like that. Cruel.” Toji was awake when you came back, evidently.

“My clothes are probably done in the dryer, I should get out of your hair.”

Strong polar bear arms wrapped around you tight, “Nah.”

Your lip lifted in amusement. “Nah?”

“Nah. It’s only four, go back to sleep. Gotta eat breakfast first later anyway. And I was gonna invite ya t’the gym with me, got something to show ya. If you want, at least.” He finally peeked an eye open to check your reaction, not wanting to seem too clingy or pushy.

The way he sounded content to keep you (while not making you feel held hostage) made your heart feel warm and gooey.

“If you’re sure… I don’t wanna interrupt your day.” By now your protest was only half hearted. How could you not want to stay with him?

Toji adjusted the blankets and his arms tightened, slowly pulling you closer to cuddle in case you wanted to pull away from him for personal space. “So sweet. You are my day.” He kissed the top of your head to reassure you that you weren’t a burden.

Unsure what to say to that, you rested your head over his heart and tangled your legs with his— and you think, Is this what people mean when they talk about butterflies in their stomach?

Prev <- Series index -> next

🏷️: @pelicanpizza @tadabzzzbee

[gretavanmoon]

G13

Spinning Now: "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen (1988)

Pairing: Josh x Female Reader

Word Count: 8.2k

Description: You and Josh, your favorite new co worker, decide to share more than drinks as what started as a normal night turns into something you never expected.

Warnings: Smoking, Drinking, Cursing, Drug Use, Heavy Flirting, Praise, Dirty Talk, Touching, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Oral M!receiving

New town, new job, new life. 

That’s always how things went in the movies, and every time, the girl always got her happy ending.

How hard can it be, right?

After you’d managed to knock the first new off your list when you moved out of your ex’s house and to the next city over, the “job” part was next in line. After a week of filling out applications, you finally landed on the perfect selection, a serving job at Angelo’s Pizza.

You’d started this new job about about three months ago, and you finally felt like you were getting your footing with the flow of things. You’d been a server for as long as you could remember, but getting used to a new restaurant with new people and new menus and management could sometimes prove to be difficult. You were handling it with as much grace as you could, and the money was killer, so you stuck it out.

“You coming to the bar with me tonight?” your new favorite coworker, Josh asked as he stared into the kitchen from the expo window, rolling a pile of coasters across the countertop. 

“Mmmh…” You mumbled under your breath. “I dunno, I’ve been here since lunch and my feet are absolutely killing me.”

”Ugh don’t be such a prude, Y/N.” He responded, taking a pepperoni and cheese in one hand, and a supreme in the other. “We’ll be sitting down the whole time. Ya know. In barstools.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “I guess so, but I can’t stay out late like last weekend. I open tomorrow.”

“Oooo, a clopen. That sucks. Well, I don’t. So I can get drunk, and you can watch me.” He flashed you a giant smile before taking off with the pizzas in hand, disappearing into the sea of people seated in the restaurant.

Josh had befriended you on your very first day, comforting you after your manager harshly scolded you for ringing something in incorrectly. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He’d said as you pouted in the walk-in. “I still fuck my shit up all the time. The cooks don’t really care, plus if you mess somethin’ up, we get to eat the fucked up pizza.” That was the only thing he said to you the entire day, but it really stuck with you, immediately making you feel a lot better about your tiny mistake. 

Now, after a few months of working side by side with Josh, you’d actually gotten to know each other fairly well, and you’d even go as far as calling him one of your good friends. You’d managed to get to know all your coworkers on a surface level, but Josh actually took the time to listen to you when you spoke, and showed real interest in the things you had to say, no matter how menial. 

He was cute, and around the same age as you, but there was something about Josh that you couldn’t put your finger on. It was something that struck you, making him stand out from the rest of the guys you worked with. His aura pulled you in, and the way his eyes sparkled in the neon that covered the walls of the restaurant didn’t help the fact that he sometimes made your heart skip a beat. You decided that it was just his looks, though, catching you off guard every once in a while as you were around him more. Most importantly, he made you feel welcome. Like a good friend should. 

The more you got to know Josh, the more open he became with you, and you quickly learned that his real personality outside of work was a little bit different than when you were on the clock. It’d become almost a habit, now, joining Josh at his favorite dive bar down the street when you’d both end up on the same closing schedule. It was like Groundhog Day, Josh would ask you to come out, you’d find an excuse to turn him down, but you always left Angelo’s with your hand in his as you tiredly dragged yourselves down the street. Sometimes other coworkers would join you, but it was always the two of you left shutting the bar down, joking and laughing with one another as you waited for your Ubers.

Josh was quickly becoming a norm for you. A fun, platonic norm. And though you were both flirty with one another, it never felt as though it would go past anything but that. Just friends. And you were very content with that. 

So tonight, as things wound down and the patrons closed out their tabs, you felt as if you really could use a nightcap or two to reward yourself for not making even one mistake on your orders today.

As you tied the oversized trash bag closed, you met eyes with Josh as he skillfully swiped the mop across the sticky, sauce-covered floor. 

He grinned when he saw you looking, making your stomach drop. “What?” He asked, biting his lower lip in as he staved off a full-on smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you roped me into going out again tonight.” You said with faux aggravation.

Josh sucked in his teeth as he plopped the mop back into the big yellow bucket, rolling it over to where you stood. “Actually, I asked you out with me tonight for another reason. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna get absolutely shit hammered, tonight.” His tone was serious rather than silly, and you instantly felt like something was wrong.

“What’s the other reason?” You pressed, lifting the bag from the can. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head and swallowed, opening the double doors to the kitchen to go and dump his bucket. You followed closely behind him with your trash. 

“Eh, not really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there. Let’s lock this bitch up.” He flashed his eyes to the floor as he spoke, which was unlike him. He always spoke with such confidence and effortless ease. 

The two of you finished up your closing tasks and said goodnight to the line cooks, grabbing up your things from your lockers and stuffing your aprons back inside. Josh was quiet the whole time, again striking you as out of the ordinary. You hadn’t known Josh long, but you did know him well enough to know that something was off, and he wasn’t handling it well.

“Think I’m going straight for liquor tonight.” He said as you walked arm in arm down the crowded sidewalk to the bar. He tilted his head back, blowing a puff of air above you, watching as the cold air turned it into steam. 

“Damn.” You answered. “You must really be going through it, friend.” It was also unlike Josh to drink liquor; each time you were around him, he’d always chosen draft beer. 

You both stepped inside the dimly-lit dive bar, letting the heat warm your chilly bones from the cold autumn air. You both took up camp on two stools at the end of the bar, closest to the back wall. The bartender Roy approached you, throwing down two bar napkins in front of you as you got comfortable in your seats. 

“Evenin’, guys. Sex on the Beach andddd, Josh, we’ve got a Kolsch and a pale ale on tap, and also a—“

“Jack Daniel’s. Neat, please.” Josh interrupted Roy, causing him to contort his face with surprise. 

“Been waiting on you almost five years and never known you to drink liquor. But, alright…” Roy responded as he left for a minute, returning and placing your drinks in front of you. “I’ll keep the tab goin’.”

It was silent between the two of you for the first couple of minutes, both of you sipping your drinks as you relaxed your muscles from the long workday. Finally, you decided you would have to be the one to speak first, for once. 

“Okay, spill. What’s got you on the hard stuff tonight?” You asked, turning to face Josh in your stool. 

He leaned on his elbow, his tight black t-shirt squeezing his toned arm just right. “I got dumped last night.” 

You felt your eyebrows jump to your forehead. “What?! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Josh…I didn’t even know you had a—“

“Nah, it’s okay. I could kinda tell shit was going sideways, anyway, ya know? Almost expected it. But, still doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He disconnected his eye contact, tilting his glass back all the way and finishing off the last bit of his whiskey. 

You were almost stunned speechless. You hadn’t seen Josh show any emotion that even came close to sadness before, and you struggled with how you were going to react. 

Roy brought the bottle of Jack over, filling Josh’s glass with another two fingers. 

“How long were you together?” You asked, tiptoeing with caution, given that he might not want to go into much detail. 

“Four and a half years.” He said blankly. 

“My god, are you serious?!” You choked out with disbelief. 

He nodded hard as he kept his eyes trained on the bar in front of you, spinning his stool in tiny tight circles. “Yeah. Long time.” He sipped his drink again. 

“I really am sorry, Josh. That’s a long time to be with someone for it to just...” You placed a hand on his arm as you spoke. 

He crossed his arms in front of him. “Yeah, it’s fucked.” He growled, leaning back in his stool. 

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked. 

“No, that’s why we’re here.” He slammed his hands on the bar top, motioning for Roy to refill your already almost empty cocktail. 

Roy brought your new drink over, stirring the drink with the tiny straw for you. Josh lifted his glass into the air, forcefully clinking it against yours. “To moving on!” He said, finishing the drink off once again. 

——

An hour or so later, you and Josh had managed to find yourselves significantly intoxicated once again, engaged in a deep passionate debate. 

“Ever since they banned smoking indoors, the American bar scene has been fucked!” Josh drunkenly yelled overtop of the loud music and large crowd that had joined you inside the bar. 

You had to laugh. “Josh, not everybody loves breathing that shit in! It makes some people really sick!” You challenged. 

“Ah, hell. You come into a bar, you expect to be around smoke, all there is to it. All there is to it!” He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders in defiance of your argument. 

“You can go outside and smoke, Josh. Easy as that. Just get over it!” The two of you were glassy-eyed and giggly, feeling your liquor take hold of you as you talked. Josh brought about a warmth in you that you’d never experienced before, and you’d be lying if you said your…attraction? to him wasn’t amplified when you were drunk. 

No, not attraction. 

Something else…

You had no idea what to label the feeling, because you’d never felt it ever before. You took it in stride, though, embracing the completely new emotion as it came. It was almost like you craved his attention, and fed off of him engaging with you. You wanted to please him, but not in such a way that was sexual. 

…You didn’t think. 

No. You just craved his recognition. Wanted his eyes on you and no one else. Wanted to make him laugh, be the one who made him forget about everything else. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was a matter of possessiveness. You wanted to protect him like a best friend. And anyone who dared cause him unhappiness would have to deal with you. 

Is this insane thinking?! Am I crazy for this? You drunkenly asked yourself as you washed your hands in the bar bathroom sink, giving yourself a disapproving look in the mirror. Probably, maybe…but he seems to feel the same about you... You had noticed that the second you’d inadvertently struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar, Josh quickly stole your attention away again, bringing up a whole new topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the last. 

He charmed you. Drew you in. Challenged your thoughts and opinions…made you talk like you’d never talked before. Laugh like you’d never laughed. 

“You’re really smart, Y/N. I didn’t really notice that about you, before.” Josh smiled as he leaned over toward you on the bar. His cheeks were tinted the prettiest pink from the alcohol. 

“Uhh, thanks, I guess?” You chortled, feigning being offended. 

“No I mean, you surprise me. Keep me guessing, every time I turn around. Never had a friend like that before. I’m usually so bored with everyone I meet. You make me like, think. Ya know?” He explained as you nodded sweetly in understanding. You knew you were blushing. 

“Last call!!” You heard Roy yell across the still-crowded room. You made blurry eye contact with Josh again. 

“Damn, we didddit agin.” You stammered. “Let me pay, you’ve had a hard couple’a days.” 

“No no no, no you don’t. I asked you here, my treat. Plus, my drinks were fuckin’ pricey tonight.”

“But Josh, let me treat you, for once...” You jutted your bottom lip out as you begged him. You watched as his eyes landed on your lips, stealing his attention again. Suddenly, you felt excited. 

“Alright, alright. But I’m leavin’ the tip.” He agreed. “I just needed some sympathy…that’s all I wanted tonight.”

“And you got it, didn’t you? You forgot all about your messy breakup?”

“For the most part, yes.” He laughed. “But I like to look at the long run, ya know? Like to take each step, one by one. Let myself live in the sadness.”

You scoffed as you signed your name on the receipt and pulled your coat on. “Psh, Josh, didn’t you just cheers me and say ‘to moving on’?”

He stood from his stool, wrapping his arm around your neck tightly. The smell of his cologne mixed with the remnants of pizza filled your senses, temporarily making you dizzy as he squeezed you in his grip. 

“I did, Y/N, I did. But I’m also drunk, now. So. And also, I don’t really wanna go home yet. ‘M gonna walk you to your Uber then hit up Chauncey’s…they stay open ‘til 2.”

You turned in his grasp, your face within inches of his as he held you tightly. “Don’t go back out, Josh. No sense in drinkin’ your sorrows away by yourself.” It felt like you were outside of your own body; all you wanted was to go home and strip down and crawl into bed, but for some reason, your mouth told Josh that apparently you didn’t want to go home, either. “Come back to my place. We’ll have one more drink, and we can share the blunt that TJ gave me yesterday.”

“TJ? The linecook?” Josh seemed surprised. “You letting strangers give you drugs now, Y/N?”

“He’s hardly a stranger, Josh. Why, you jealous?” You teased, while also testing the waters of what the hell this feeling the two of you apparently shared could actually be. 

“Fuck no, I’m not jealous. I’m…I…” Josh opened his mouth, but nothing came out after that. “I don’t know, I just—“ You were still tightly wrapped up in the crook of his elbow, his face so close to yours that you could smell the liquor on his breath as he struggled to speak. 

You decided to save him. “It’s alright Josh. You don’t have to come over. I’ll smoke it allllll by myself…” you sneakily wrapped your arm around his back, giving it a couple playful pats. 

He looked down at you through his lashes, his jaw clenched tightly together. “You really want me to come over?”

You nodded. “I do. Come on, it’ll be fun.” More than anything, you wanted him to know you were the reason he had such a good night, and the reason he was able to forget about his breakup.

“Okay, jackass. You talked me into it. Let’s go get high.” He released you from his grasp as you confirmed your Uber on your phone, and your overwhelming satisfaction of claiming his attention again propelled you out the door. 

——

“Cute place. You decorate it yourself?” Josh teased as you both entered your apartment. It was only half-decorated and you hardly had any furniture, spending most of your days working and saving up money to finish furnishing it. 

“Shut up, dick head!” You shoved him backwards as he laughed. “I haven’t finished making it cute yet.” You pulled the bottle of liquor from the cabinet, shaking the little bit that was left. “I know you’ve been drinking whiskey, but…vodka’s all I’ve got.”

“Ah, it’ll work.” Josh responded, plopping down on your couch. “M’already fucked with a hangover tomorrow, might as well do it up.” You caught sight of his pretty light brown curls sitting on top of his head, and you felt another rush of that strange excitement soar through you. 

You made the two drinks and joined him on the couch, pulling the blunt up under your nose as you breathed in its earthy scent. Josh took the drink from your hand, raising his eyebrows as he watched you smell the rolled marijuana. 

“TJ usually has good shit, I will say.” He winked, sipping his drink. 

You pulled your feet up underneath you on the couch, scooting yourself closer to him. “Thought you said I shouldn’t take drugs from strangers…”

“I never said you shouldn’t, I just meant that next time you should get your weed from me.” He spoke without a care, taking the blunt from your hand and bringing it to his own nose. 

“Ah, well I was unaware I could do that, Joshua.” You snatched it back from him, taking the lighter from the table in front of you and lighting the end of the blunt. You inhaled the smoke slowly, noticing that Josh hadn’t responded to you. 

You glanced at him, finding the most devastating half smile on his face. You swore you felt your skin tingle. 

“Did you just call me by my government name, Y/N?” He whispered, leaning his head down to you. 

You exhaled the smoke you didn’t realize you were holding, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you mad about it?”

You passed him the blunt. “Nah, kinda liked the way it sounded, actually.” You watched as his lips made a perfect O around the tip of the blunt, and you found yourself wondering what kind of chapstick he used to get them to look…like that…

You felt your eyes grow heavy as your first hit found you, the THC entering your system quickly. Josh must have noticed, as he giggled at your appearance. “Told you TJ had good shit.”

“I swear to god I’m already fuckin’ high…” you laughed, taking another big hit. 

“Mmm, no baby, you’re crossed. But not all the way. Yet.” Josh’s voice was gritty and buttery all at the same time. And the fact that he called you baby had you feeling that same feeling again. He calls everybody baby, though…all the girls at work…you’re not special. 

The two of you sat and smoked until the blunt was a roach, and the air around you was thick with haziness. Your entire body was heavy and floaty, and you swore you could feel the blood pumping through your extremities. The conversation with Josh was so easy, so effortless, and the way the two of you held the complete attention of one another continued to astound you. 

“So tell me about you. What’s your real story?” Josh asked, the both of you sitting facing one another completely, now. 

You sipped your vodka drink. “What do you mean, real story?”

“I only know a little bit about you, where did you come from? What’s in your past?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, believe it or not, Josh, I kinda just got broken up with recently, too.”

“No way, you’re kidding. When? What happened?” He pressed. 

“Ahh, about a month before I started at Angelo’s. I’m from about twenty miles away, up north a bit. Came here looking to start completely fresh. Still close enough to my family, if I need them. Ya know…” you trailed off. Josh’s eyes were telling you to continue. 

“I got dumped, too. After a year of being with him. I thought we were serious, but apparently not. It didn’t hurt me too bad, I’m alright. Liking my new life pretty well, actually.”

Josh dramatically leaned back on the couch cushion, throwing his free hand over his face. “Ugh, god…how embarrassing. You handled bein’ dumped like a goddamned rockstar. I’m over here down in the dumps.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Josh. Four and a half years is a lot longer than one…”

“You’re right, I guess.” He sat back up, bringing his attention back to you. “So what was his reason? What was his last straw?” He asked, moving his face closer to yours. Your body was vibrating from the alcohol and the weed, and the presence of Josh sitting so close to you on your couch. You were positively buzzing. 

“He uh, didn’t really give me one. Just said it was over.” You whispered, feeling your emotions flying all over the place. Josh’s hand reached up, twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. “He also said I was a bad kisser, or something stupid.”

Josh winced at your words. “A bad kisser? I highly doubt that, Y/N…” 

“And why do you doubt that?” You giggled. 

“Because. I have a hard time taking my eyes off your lips, I can only imagine how hard it would be to take my lips off of them…” he smirked a little, laughing through his nose. 

“You’re fuckin’ stoned.” You laughed, leaning your face onto his hand. 

“And? I speak nothing but the truth, baby.”

“Mmmhm, yeah. Shut up.” You complained. 

“I’m serious. I bet you really are a good kisser. That guy was just…stupid.”

“Maybe I’m a horrible kisser, how would I ever know?” You shrugged, feeling your body about to jump out of your skin simply from having this conversation with Josh. 

He held his first two fingers up, motioning for you to come here. “Come on. Show me how you like to kiss.” 

“What?! No, I’m not gonna do that.” You blushed, pulling away from him with shyness. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m just trying to judge your kissing skills. I’ll be completely honest with you, tell you if that guy was right or not.” Josh said, holding his hands out to the sides. 

You stopped, staring at Josh through your slit eyelids, trying to figure him out. He met you with sincere eyes, and though you were both extremely intoxicated, you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. 

“I’m serious. Just kiss me.” He said matter of factly. “S’no big deal.” 

You took a deep breath, feeling the air surrounding you heavy with normalcy, but also heavy with yearning. 

You slowly pulled yourself in closer to him, gently wetting your lips as your mind went back and forth on whether or not to do this. Your breath became a little chopped, nerves bursting through the wall of your drunken carelessness. 

Finally you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your hands naturally shot up to cup his jaw. He clenched it, his eyes falling heavy again as his breath caught. Your heart was absolutely pounding from your chest. 

“Do it.” He whispered. “Show me.”

You finally let your lips press gently to his, your hands still cupping his jaw, as his hands sat comfortably in his lap. The feeling of them was exactly what you had imagined, soft, supple, and sweet, with the tiniest bit of sting on them from the leftover liquor. You finally exhaled, pulling away a bit to gauge his reaction. 

“You can get into it, baby.” He smiled, urging you to push through your nerves. “I’m just here to help, s’just me…” his voice was like honey, the sound of it tearing through your body as he motivated you. 

You leaned in again, this time letting yourself be a little more brazen, a little more steadfast as you worked to prove your ex wrong. Worked to impress Josh. Worked to show him. You opened your mouth a little, letting your tongue skirt across his bottom lip. The flavor of him almost knocked you down. 

You began to get into it some more, letting your high take over, and letting your guard down as you found yourself really, really enjoying kissing him. You perched up a little bit moving to your knees to get a better stance. 

“Mmmhmm… keep goin’ baby…” Josh mumbled when you broke away for a second. His words urged you on, and you felt brave enough to push your tongue further into his mouth, but only a little. You didn’t want to overwhelm, just experiment. His tongue met yours in the process, tasting each other for the very first time. 

Your hands curled up in his hair, squeezing at the roots a bit. He let out a little whine, so quiet that you almost didn’t even hear it. It ignited something inside you again, and you knew you had to drive it home. Had to prove yourself. You pulled away for a second, hissing in air as you bit his bottom lip, pulling it out a little and making eye contact before pressing into him again, both of you moving in such unison that you were fully involved in the sultry kiss, now. 

At this point you felt like you were teetering on the thin line of platonic kissing; you were still trying to prove yourself, but also…he tasted so good…

You felt the need to be touched. You reached down and grabbed Josh’s wrists, pulling them up to rest on you- one hand on your thigh, and the other around the back of your neck. You wanted reciprocation. He obliged, and as you licked into his mouth, his hand squeezed into your thigh, strong and needing. His fingers felt like burning embers on your leg, and you wished that you had changed into shorts when you got home. 

His hand pulled at the back of your neck, burying your mouths further into one another. “Fuck, baby…he was wrong, you proved him so wrong…” Josh said, smiling against your lips as he delved back in. Your mind was swimming from his words of praise, and you decided that though this was simply an act between friends, you knew that you could kiss him all day long, never tiring of the feeling of his lips on yours. You were completely surrounded by him, by his warming presence. His scent, his sounds, his touch… It was all too much. You felt like you were drowning in him, but you didn’t dare try to pull yourself from his waters. 

Your hands squeezed at his hair one last time as you let them drift down his cheeks and neck, tickling the back of his neck before rolling across his shoulders. You slowly brought them down to his pecs, and finally rested them on his cheeks again, pulling his face away from yours for a split second before landing one last peck. 

When you finally disconnected, you took in the sight of him…hair disheveled, eyes black and glazed, and his hands still rested gently in the places that you put them. 

“Holy fuck…” he breathed. 

“Oh my god, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? He was right, I’m a horrible kis—“ you were completely cut off by Josh’s lips on yours again, this time forcefully pulling you into him. This kiss was pleading, unbridled, and wanting, and each time you pulled away, you both were panting with want. 

“What the fuck are we doing?” You breathed when you broke away. 

“Kissing contest.” He answered, his hand respectfully staying on the back of your neck. “I think I’m winning, though…” 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that…” you said with a bit more confidence in yourself after seeing how you made him feel. 

“Yeah you’re right.” He agreed through an inhale. “You’re kicking my ass at this experiment.” He drove his tongue into your mouth again, but it didn’t make you want to retract…it made you want to pull it in further. You began to feel the heat that the two of you were emanating, and the sweat that was forming on your skin. 

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on, but you would never let him know that. You couldn’t. You’re just friends. One friend helping another get over his ex by having a kissing contest. Makes total sense. 

Finally you pulled away again, covering your mouth with your hand. You laughed, making Josh in turn laugh with you. “Well? What’s the verdict? Was he right?” You asked. 

“Fuck no, he wasn’t right. You’re a hell of a kisser, Y/N.” Josh’s smile stretched all the way across his face, completely blissed out in his high. “God damn, you left me a panting mess, baby.”

Your heart stopped at his words, feeling more confidence in yourself than you’d felt in a long, long time. Suddenly, the wildest idea to ever come across your mind escaped right through your lips. 

“Josh, we’re just good friends, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah, baby. Real good friends.” He wiped his hand across his mouth before extending both arms across the back of your couch. 

“Do you—do you care if I finish what I started?” You asked in an absolute moment of weakness. The look on his face turned up into surprise, and you weren’t sure how he was going to react to your question. 

“What uh, what do you mean, Y/N?” 

You moved toward him again, wanting to feel him again. Feel his hands on you again. Be the center of all his attention again. 

“Can you judge something else for me, Josh? I’ve always wondered how well I…performed…and who better to be the judge than my very good friend? Who will be completely honest with me?” 

WHO even are you?! You felt like a person outside your own body. The confidence he was giving you was…

“This ain’t no way to treat the broken-hearted, baby…” he replied, his voice a soft breath of air as his head lulled backwards. You paused again, unsure how to take him. “But I’ll be your judge…”

“Really? You will?” You asked, feeling vulnerable, but also wanting to show out for him. 

“Mhm. If that’s what you really want…” He bit his lower lip into his mouth, letting his eyes fall onto your lips like they had been doing all night. 

“Just friends…” you reiterated. 

“Just friends.” He parroted, lightly tapping your cheek with his hand. 

This was absolutely something you never did, and definitely wasn’t something you could ever even see yourself doing with Josh, of all people. You were supposed to be making him forget about his ex, letting him talk through it… hell, he was just dumped twenty-four hours ago. But there was something other-worldly spurring you on, whispering in your ear to just do it. And he was letting you. Was it wrong? Maybe, probably… but honestly, where was the harm in it? You were both obviously into each other, and as long as you were just making each other happy, you didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Besides, this new need to make him think about nothing but you at every single second was making your head spin, and you wanted his focus completely on you, right now. You moved to press your lips to his again, letting things naturally heat up so that you could continue on with your intentions. You took a deep breath, confidently removing yourself, and placing yourself in the floor in front of him. It was at this second that you were extremely thankful for your liquid courage, and the fact that you were too stoned to care about much else besides pleasing Josh. He almost made it easy. 

“Ten.” Josh said out of nowhere. 

“What?” you asked. 

“I give your kissing a ten out of ten. Seriously.” He said, smiling from the corner of his mouth as he ran his hand along your arm, peering down at you as you kneeled on the floor. 

You felt your face turn beet red, and you halfway didn’t really believe him. 

“Stop playing, you don’t have to be nice.” You erred.

“M’not just being nice. Seriously, I rate it a ten.” He stated, and you knew by the sincerity in his voice that he was telling the truth.

“Wow. Didn’t expect that, honestly.” you pulled a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you gonna finish what ya started, or not?” There was a darkness in his tone that you hadn’t noticed yet, and it made your stomach turn over with nerves. But even more so, it lit a fuse in your chest that was slowly burning, ready to explode at any given second. And with each passing minute, you wanted to impress him even more. 

You maneuvered yourself on your knees, gripping his thighs and pulling them apart so that you could place yourself between them. Your hands stayed there on his legs, squeezing and kneading at his muscles as you moved your hands closer and closer to where you both really wanted them to be. You could almost physically see him getting harder through his dark jeans, and you could hear his breathing picking up, too. 

You let your hands drift to his groin, squeezing the muscles there as he leaned down in his seat, giving you extra space as his head fell back on the cushions. You found the button on his jeans, pulling the fabric sideways and undoing the button with one hand and unzipping the zipper. “Damn, alright…” Josh laughed, holding his hands up. “Show off.”

You took that as a tiny win, and decided to keep it going, playing on his words from earlier. ‘You keep me guessing at every turn…’

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders, and leaned yourself down, letting your mouth meet his boxer-covered dick. You nipped your teeth lightly at it, making him hiss. You could tell just from this little bit of contact that he was well-endowed, and you felt your mouth physically watering for him. You needed to taste him. Your lips bounced around, peppering little kisses all over… the indirect contact making his hips jut up a little. 

You sat back, motioning with your hands. “Pull them down for me.” you demanded of him, and he gave you the sneakiest smirk, leaning back and pushing his pants and boxers down far enough to spring himself free. 

You weren’t wrong. He was perfectly sized, and it reassured you that you were okay with going forward with this. What you did notice, though, was he wasn’t as hard as you wanted him to be. Your hands rested on his thighs again as you sized him up, licking your lips as you prepared yourself. 

Josh had been the one urging you on all night, but suddenly, it felt like there had been a little bit of a shift. You finally brought your moistened lips to him, licking little circles around his tip, starting slowly at first, then picking up a little bit of speed. You swirled and gently suckled, and you felt him take in a big breath of air into his lungs. You glanced up at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling as he bit his lips. 

“What’sa matter, Josh? You okay?” you pressed, knowing that you could stop at any second, if that was what he wanted. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just… this is the first time someone else…since…” he didn’t need to say anything more.

“God, yeah. I’m sorry, your breakup is so fresh, I’m sure this is more mental than anything, for you…” you agreed as you sat back. “We don’t have to–”

“No. Yes we do, Y/N. I’m just…” You could tell Josh was having a hard time with his words again, for the second time tonight. 

“Just what? You can tell me…”

He swallowed, placing a sweet hand on the side of your face. “This is the first time I’ve um…been…with a woman…in a very long time.”

“Oh.” You muttered, his sentiment catching you off guard a little. You hadn’t realized you never even asked the name of his ex, let alone any details about the relationship.

“But it’s okay, Y/N…” He smiled, letting his thumb brush your cheek. “I may be wallowing in my sorrows, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this, want you to do this. Just…in my head a little bit.” He admitted, putting a hole through your heart.

You sighed. “It doesn’t feel wrong?” Your voice was tiny as it escaped you. 

He quickly shook his head side to side as he layed back on his elbow behind his head. “No. That’s what’s making me freak out a little, it doesn’t feel wrong in the least.” He swallowed. “Maybe I…Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought I was.”

You smiled a pitiful smile as you rested your elbows on his knees, taking a deep, recentering breath of your own. 

“You’re really fuckin’ pretty, Y/N.” He complimented you out of the blue, his thumb still grazing your cheek. “And I’m really into you.”

“You are?” You asked.

“Yeah. I know we said we’re friends, but friends can do this. Right? Doesn’t stop the fact that I’m attracted to you.” His glossy words made your stomach do flips again as you realized maybe his feelings were the exact same as yours. Unexplainable, but still overwhelmingly good.

“Yeah. I really think friends can do this.” You agreed. And you were serious. If you were going to be this person for Josh, then he could also in turn be this person for you. 

“Plus, the feeling of your lips on my cock just now…” He laughed through his nose. “Might be in competition with your ten out of ten kissing. And you hadn’t even…” He stopped there, biting both his lips into his mouth as he slid his hips down again. 

Good god, you’d hoped he would have a little bit of a dirty mouth. 

“You want me to keep going?” You asked. 

“Fuck yeah, I do. I gotta judge your skill, don’t I?” He played, removing his hand from your cheek and running it through your hair. He gripped it a little, making you stiffen your neck. Your eyes flashed to his, and you didn’t even need to say anything, he knew what you meant. He nodded, giving you the go ahead, and you prayed that he wouldn’t remove his hand from tangling up in your hair. 

You slowly leaned down to him again, starting things up just as you had before. Your tongue swirled on his tip, wetting it in circles as you let the saliva build up in your mouth. Around and around you took it, descending further and further onto him with every rotation. You heard him breathe out, his hips shaking a little beneath you. As you got as far as you could get, you pursed your lips down, tightening them around the base of his cock before sucking hard, pulling up and off of him completely. His hand tightened in your hair, showing you that he was liking it so far. 

He let out a groan, followed by a little laugh. “Fuck yeah, Y/N…”

You quickly found a rhythm, letting your head begin to bob as you worked your tongue and cheeks, alternating forceful suction mixed with light little pops of your lips. His hips were jutting with every movement, and the sounds that were coming from him were enough to keep you going, keep you striving to impress him…

You took him in your hand, gripping at the base and using the saliva that had dripped down as lubrication to move your hand, twisting and pumping it. “Jesus Christ, you’re…” You took a second to glance up at him, seeing his jaw tightly clenched and his chest heaving with labored breaths. He brought his other hand down, pulling the hair that had drifted down away from your face, pulling it all back to the nape of your neck and holding it tightly there. You nodded, letting him know you were okay with him guiding your movements. 

“Mhm.” You hummed on him. “Show me how you like it.”

He let out a choke of breath and readjusted in his seat, spreading his legs wider for you. He gripped a little harder on your hair, pulling you up and across his stomach, your faces almost touching as he brought his mouth close. He didn’t say anything, just hissed through his teeth as he scanned over your face. He then used a little bit of force to push your head back down to where it was, and you resumed your work. 

Fuck, what the hell is happening… your chemistry with Josh was absolutely off the chain. You felt like you would follow every command he would ever give you, let him use you in the worst ways, completely trusting him to do as he pleased. You were absolutely yearning to satisfy him. 

“I’ll show you exactly how I like it baby, but this is your show, remember? You’re calling the shots…” he growled, his voice deeper and more grating than it was earlier. You shrugged one shoulder, replacing your hand around his base. You moved it up and down opposite of your mouth, making his whole body start to shake. Your tongue worked on him, as your mouth drifted down as far as it could possibly go, with the help of Josh’s light guidance.

The weed had contributed to your slow, languid movements while the alcohol made your inhibitions fly out the window… the beautiful combo of the crossfade sending you both into a blurry and slow-motioned entanglement. You swore you could listen to his noises and praises on repeat. “So fuckin’ pretty, Y/N… so fuckin’ pretty…” He mumbled, lightly thrusting himself into your mouth as your neck began to ache a little. “Slow and steady, just like that…”

He puffed out a quick breath with a blow of his lips, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. Normally, you would finish up the job, and expect repayment, but getting Josh to even feel the tiniest bit of pleasure at your hand was enough. It was that draw, that need to make him feel good. Keeping him and him only in the spotlight. And if you had to guess, you were doing a pretty good job at it.

After a few seconds, his movements became jostled, and his once slow grinding movements started to falter. You felt him start to throb in your mouth, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until he was crumbling beneath you, all at the mercy of your mouth. 

“Hey, you want me to–” he said, suddenly shuddering. 

You nodded again, pleading with him to let it all go. You wanted the whole thing, wanted him to have the full experience. You needed to see what he tasted like. 

His breath started to pick up as he gripped your hair tighter, his hips pushing his dick further into your mouth as you let him graze the back of your throat, tears pouring from the sides of your eyes. “Come on baby, come on… just a little bit longer…fuck…” 

Finally, he was letting it all go, filling up your mouth as you swallowed his bitter-sweetness down, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. His whole body went rigid as he came, shaking and jerking as you worked to make sure not a drop was left behind. You squeezed your hand around him, pulling him up into your mouth. His whines were like music to your ears, pathetic and pitiful as he worked to come back down to earth. 

“Son of a bitch, Y/N… that was…” he said as you sat back up, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. He caught your jaw in his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to open your mouth. He pulled you closer, bringing you in for a heated kiss that left you smoldering for him. 

When you finally pulled away, you met eyes with him, and you could tell he was completely blissed out. “S’been a long time since I’ve had anything like that.” He admitted, pulling your back up to sit by him on the couch again. 

He tucked himself back in his boxers but decided to forgo buttoning back up. “Really? Even in a four and a half year long relationship?” You asked. 

“Ah, I dunno. We were long distance, so… it was few and far between but. Really I meant being with someone who actually showed passion about making me feel good. You know what I mean?”

You couldn’t help but smile. That was exactly what you wanted out of this. For Josh to feel that you wanted to be there. 

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I just…wanted to make you feel good.” You admitted, shrugging one shoulder up as you brushed your disheveled hair back into place. “So, what’s my rating, huh? Give it to me straight.”

Josh closed one eye and looked up with the other as if he was thinking really hard. “Uh, nine and a half.”

Your mouth fell slack, and you felt the soreness in your jaw joints. “Ah! Why the half?!” You argued. “Not a ten?”

He chuckled. “Would be a ten, but I only took away the half because I know that I won’t be able to feel you like that all the time.” You both stared at one another as you let his words sink in. 

Could you, though?

“And because I feel like you were holding back, a little. Weren’t you?” He pressed. His statement took you by surprise, because he was right. 

“...Maybe…”

“You shouldn’t have. It’s just me, remember. Guess you’ll have to show up and show out next time. See if you can get a perfect ten.” He said with nonchalance. 

“Next time?” You spat without a thought. 

He shrugged, squeezing his hand around your thigh. “Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation we’re both comfortable with… no strings attached type thing…”

You ran over the idea in your head, not really seeing anything wrong with it. You nodded, agreeing with his outlandish proposal.

“But, there is one thing, Y/N.” He swallowed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Obviously I… um. I didn’t make you feel good, tonight. But, just give me some–”

You cupped your hand over Josh’s mouth. “Josh, honey, shut up. You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand, and it’s okay. If we’re gonna do this, it's all gonna be in good fun, right?”

He nodded from behind your hand. “Right.” He mumbled. 

“And I certainly didn’t feel uncomfortable with you, so. I’m pretty positive we could just sit here and look at each other and we would have a good time.” You laughed, pulling your hand from his face. He caught your hand in his, and gave it a sweet squeeze. 

“Not sure I’d be able to sit by you for too long without something happening. You’re a fuckin’ treat, Y/N. I swear.” His eyes traveled down your body again, and you watched his gears turn as his gaze drifted over your breasts. “Thank you, for tonight.”

“Thank you.” You whispered. “We still friends?”

He took your chin between his fingers. “Yeah. Good friends.”

As the air between you finally started to settle and the intoxication turned into sobriety, you realized that the night was nearly about to turn into morning. You didn’t have to be at work until 11, so you were going to be able to get at least a little bit of sleep before your shift tomorrow. 

“It’s too late to get an Uber, Josh. Just stay here.” You more demanded than suggested, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it overtop of his lap. You stood, stretching your body as you made your way toward your bedroom. 

“What, you not gonna invite me to your bed?” He asked, throwing you off. 

“Uhh, I mean, sure–”

“I’m kidding, Y/N. We’re friends. Friends don’t sleep in beds together. Friends sleep on couches.” You watched as he burrowed himself under the puffy blanket and made himself horizontal.

“Maybe one day you’ll end up in my bed.” You tossed the joke over your shoulder, walking down the short hallway. 

“And maybe one day you’ll get a perfect ten.”

Join the taglist here

@wetkleenex-gvf @britney-gvf @gretas-sweat @josh-iamyour-mama @highway-tuna @bestfriendsallstrungout @jjwasneverhere @gretavanbrie @writingcold @thewritingbeforesunrise @myleftsock @edgingthedarkness @its-interesting-van-kleep @jjsooobsessed @ageofcj @starcatcher-jake @capnjaket @cozyjakey @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @stardustjake @dancingcarbon @builtbybrokenbells

[gretavangroupie]

G13 - Finish What Ya Started

Spinning Now: "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen (1988)

Pairing: Josh x Female Reader

Word Count: 8.2k

Description: You and Josh, your favorite new co worker, decide to share more than drinks as what started as a normal night turns into something you never expected.

Warnings: Smoking, Drinking, Cursing, Drug Use, Heavy Flirting, Praise, Dirty Talk, Touching, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Oral M!Receiving

New town, new job, new life. 

That’s always how things went in the movies, and every time, the girl always got her happy ending.

How hard can it be, right?

After you’d managed to knock the first new off your list when you moved out of your ex’s house and to the next city over, the “job” part was next in line. After a week of filling out applications, you finally landed on the perfect selection, a serving job at Angelo’s Pizza.

You’d started this new job about about three months ago, and you finally felt like you were getting your footing with the flow of things. You’d been a server for as long as you could remember, but getting used to a new restaurant with new people and new menus and management could sometimes prove to be difficult. You were handling it with as much grace as you could, and the money was killer, so you stuck it out.

“You coming to the bar with me tonight?” your new favorite coworker, Josh asked as he stared into the kitchen from the expo window, rolling a pile of coasters across the countertop. 

“Mmmh…” You mumbled under your breath. “I dunno, I’ve been here since lunch and my feet are absolutely killing me.”

”Ugh don’t be such a prude, Y/N.” He responded, taking a pepperoni and cheese in one hand, and a supreme in the other. “We’ll be sitting down the whole time. Ya know. In barstools.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “I guess so, but I can’t stay out late like last weekend. I open tomorrow.”

“Oooo, a clopen. That sucks. Well, I don’t. So I can get drunk, and you can watch me.” He flashed you a giant smile before taking off with the pizzas in hand, disappearing into the sea of people seated in the restaurant.

Josh had befriended you on your very first day, comforting you after your manager harshly scolded you for ringing something in incorrectly. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He’d said as you pouted in the walk-in. “I still fuck my shit up all the time. The cooks don’t really care, plus if you mess somethin’ up, we get to eat the fucked up pizza.” That was the only thing he said to you the entire day, but it really stuck with you, immediately making you feel a lot better about your tiny mistake. 

Now, after a few months of working side by side with Josh, you’d actually gotten to know each other fairly well, and you’d even go as far as calling him one of your good friends. You’d managed to get to know all your coworkers on a surface level, but Josh actually took the time to listen to you when you spoke, and showed real interest in the things you had to say, no matter how menial. 

He was cute, and around the same age as you, but there was something about Josh that you couldn’t put your finger on. It was something that struck you, making him stand out from the rest of the guys you worked with. His aura pulled you in, and the way his eyes sparkled in the neon that covered the walls of the restaurant didn’t help the fact that he sometimes made your heart skip a beat. You decided that it was just his looks, though, catching you off guard every once in a while as you were around him more. Most importantly, he made you feel welcome. Like a good friend should. 

The more you got to know Josh, the more open he became with you, and you quickly learned that his real personality outside of work was a little bit different than when you were on the clock. It’d become almost a habit, now, joining Josh at his favorite dive bar down the street when you’d both end up on the same closing schedule. It was like Groundhog Day, Josh would ask you to come out, you’d find an excuse to turn him down, but you always left Angelo’s with your hand in his as you tiredly dragged yourselves down the street. Sometimes other coworkers would join you, but it was always the two of you left shutting the bar down, joking and laughing with one another as you waited for your Ubers.

Josh was quickly becoming a norm for you. A fun, platonic norm. And though you were both flirty with one another, it never felt as though it would go past anything but that. Just friends. And you were very content with that. 

So tonight, as things wound down and the patrons closed out their tabs, you felt as if you really could use a nightcap or two to reward yourself for not making even one mistake on your orders today.

As you tied the oversized trash bag closed, you met eyes with Josh as he skillfully swiped the mop across the sticky, sauce-covered floor. 

He grinned when he saw you looking, making your stomach drop. “What?” He asked, biting his lower lip in as he staved off a full-on smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you roped me into going out again tonight.” You said with faux aggravation.

Josh sucked in his teeth as he plopped the mop back into the big yellow bucket, rolling it over to where you stood. “Actually, I asked you out with me tonight for another reason. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna get absolutely shit hammered, tonight.” His tone was serious rather than silly, and you instantly felt like something was wrong.

“What’s the other reason?” You pressed, lifting the bag from the can. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head and swallowed, opening the double doors to the kitchen to go and dump his bucket. You followed closely behind him with your trash. 

“Eh, not really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there. Let’s lock this bitch up.” He flashed his eyes to the floor as he spoke, which was unlike him. He always spoke with such confidence and effortless ease. 

The two of you finished up your closing tasks and said goodnight to the line cooks, grabbing up your things from your lockers and stuffing your aprons back inside. Josh was quiet the whole time, again striking you as out of the ordinary. You hadn’t known Josh long, but you did know him well enough to know that something was off, and he wasn’t handling it well.

“Think I’m going straight for liquor tonight.” He said as you walked arm in arm down the crowded sidewalk to the bar. He tilted his head back, blowing a puff of air above you, watching as the cold air turned it into steam. 

“Damn.” You answered. “You must really be going through it, friend.” It was also unlike Josh to drink liquor; each time you were around him, he’d always chosen draft beer. 

You both stepped inside the dimly-lit dive bar, letting the heat warm your chilly bones from the cold autumn air. You both took up camp on two stools at the end of the bar, closest to the back wall. The bartender Roy approached you, throwing down two bar napkins in front of you as you got comfortable in your seats. 

“Evenin’, guys. Sex on the Beach andddd, Josh, we’ve got a Kolsch and a pale ale on tap, and also a—“

“Jack Daniel’s. Neat, please.” Josh interrupted Roy, causing him to contort his face with surprise. 

“Been waiting on you almost five years and never known you to drink liquor. But, alright…” Roy responded as he left for a minute, returning and placing your drinks in front of you. “I’ll keep the tab goin’.”

It was silent between the two of you for the first couple of minutes, both of you sipping your drinks as you relaxed your muscles from the long workday. Finally, you decided you would have to be the one to speak first, for once. 

“Okay, spill. What’s got you on the hard stuff tonight?” You asked, turning to face Josh in your stool. 

He leaned on his elbow, his tight black t-shirt squeezing his toned arm just right. “I got dumped last night.” 

You felt your eyebrows jump to your forehead. “What?! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Josh…I didn’t even know you had a—“

“Nah, it’s okay. I could kinda tell shit was going sideways, anyway, ya know? Almost expected it. But, still doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He disconnected his eye contact, tilting his glass back all the way and finishing off the last bit of his whiskey. 

You were almost stunned speechless. You hadn’t seen Josh show any emotion that even came close to sadness before, and you struggled with how you were going to react. 

Roy brought the bottle of Jack over, filling Josh’s glass with another two fingers. 

“How long were you together?” You asked, tiptoeing with caution, given that he might not want to go into much detail. 

“Four and a half years.” He said blankly. 

“My god, are you serious?!” You choked out with disbelief. 

He nodded hard as he kept his eyes trained on the bar in front of you, spinning his stool in tiny tight circles. “Yeah. Long time.” He sipped his drink again. 

“I really am sorry, Josh. That’s a long time to be with someone for it to just...” You placed a hand on his arm as you spoke. 

He crossed his arms in front of him. “Yeah, it’s fucked.” He growled, leaning back in his stool. 

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked. 

“No, that’s why we’re here.” He slammed his hands on the bar top, motioning for Roy to refill your already almost empty cocktail. 

Roy brought your new drink over, stirring the drink with the tiny straw for you. Josh lifted his glass into the air, forcefully clinking it against yours. “To moving on!” He said, finishing the drink off once again. 

——

An hour or so later, you and Josh had managed to find yourselves significantly intoxicated once again, engaged in a deep passionate debate. 

“Ever since they banned smoking indoors, the American bar scene has been fucked!” Josh drunkenly yelled overtop of the loud music and large crowd that had joined you inside the bar. 

You had to laugh. “Josh, not everybody loves breathing that shit in! It makes some people really sick!” You challenged. 

“Ah, hell. You come into a bar, you expect to be around smoke, all there is to it. All there is to it!” He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders in defiance of your argument. 

“You can go outside and smoke, Josh. Easy as that. Just get over it!” The two of you were glassy-eyed and giggly, feeling your liquor take hold of you as you talked. Josh brought about a warmth in you that you’d never experienced before, and you’d be lying if you said your…attraction? to him wasn’t amplified when you were drunk. 

No, not attraction. 

Something else…

You had no idea what to label the feeling, because you’d never felt it ever before. You took it in stride, though, embracing the completely new emotion as it came. It was almost like you craved his attention, and fed off of him engaging with you. You wanted to please him, but not in such a way that was sexual. 

…You didn’t think. 

No. You just craved his recognition. Wanted his eyes on you and no one else. Wanted to make him laugh, be the one who made him forget about everything else. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was a matter of possessiveness. You wanted to protect him like a best friend. And anyone who dared cause him unhappiness would have to deal with you. 

Is this insane thinking?! Am I crazy for this? You drunkenly asked yourself as you washed your hands in the bar bathroom sink, giving yourself a disapproving look in the mirror. Probably, maybe…but he seems to feel the same about you... You had noticed that the second you’d inadvertently struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar, Josh quickly stole your attention away again, bringing up a whole new topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the last. 

He charmed you. Drew you in. Challenged your thoughts and opinions…made you talk like you’d never talked before. Laugh like you’d never laughed. 

“You’re really smart, Y/N. I didn’t really notice that about you, before.” Josh smiled as he leaned over toward you on the bar. His cheeks were tinted the prettiest pink from the alcohol. 

“Uhh, thanks, I guess?” You chortled, feigning being offended. 

“No I mean, you surprise me. Keep me guessing, every time I turn around. Never had a friend like that before. I’m usually so bored with everyone I meet. You make me like, think. Ya know?” He explained as you nodded sweetly in understanding. You knew you were blushing. 

“Last call!!” You heard Roy yell across the still-crowded room. You made blurry eye contact with Josh again. 

“Damn, we didddit agin.” You stammered. “Let me pay, you’ve had a hard couple’a days.” 

“No no no, no you don’t. I asked you here, my treat. Plus, my drinks were fuckin’ pricey tonight.”

“But Josh, let me treat you, for once...” You jutted your bottom lip out as you begged him. You watched as his eyes landed on your lips, stealing his attention again. Suddenly, you felt excited. 

“Alright, alright. But I’m leavin’ the tip.” He agreed. “I just needed some sympathy…that’s all I wanted tonight.”

“And you got it, didn’t you? You forgot all about your messy breakup?”

“For the most part, yes.” He laughed. “But I like to look at the long run, ya know? Like to take each step, one by one. Let myself live in the sadness.”

You scoffed as you signed your name on the receipt and pulled your coat on. “Psh, Josh, didn’t you just cheers me and say ‘to moving on’?”

He stood from his stool, wrapping his arm around your neck tightly. The smell of his cologne mixed with the remnants of pizza filled your senses, temporarily making you dizzy as he squeezed you in his grip. 

“I did, Y/N, I did. But I’m also drunk, now. So. And also, I don’t really wanna go home yet. ‘M gonna walk you to your Uber then hit up Chauncey’s…they stay open ‘til 2.”

You turned in his grasp, your face within inches of his as he held you tightly. “Don’t go back out, Josh. No sense in drinkin’ your sorrows away by yourself.” It felt like you were outside of your own body; all you wanted was to go home and strip down and crawl into bed, but for some reason, your mouth told Josh that apparently you didn’t want to go home, either. “Come back to my place. We’ll have one more drink, and we can share the blunt that TJ gave me yesterday.”

“TJ? The linecook?” Josh seemed surprised. “You letting strangers give you drugs now, Y/N?”

“He’s hardly a stranger, Josh. Why, you jealous?” You teased, while also testing the waters of what the hell this feeling the two of you apparently shared could actually be. 

“Fuck no, I’m not jealous. I’m…I…” Josh opened his mouth, but nothing came out after that. “I don’t know, I just—“ You were still tightly wrapped up in the crook of his elbow, his face so close to yours that you could smell the liquor on his breath as he struggled to speak. 

You decided to save him. “It’s alright Josh. You don’t have to come over. I’ll smoke it allllll by myself…” you sneakily wrapped your arm around his back, giving it a couple playful pats. 

He looked down at you through his lashes, his jaw clenched tightly together. “You really want me to come over?”

You nodded. “I do. Come on, it’ll be fun.” More than anything, you wanted him to know you were the reason he had such a good night, and the reason he was able to forget about his breakup.

“Okay, jackass. You talked me into it. Let’s go get high.” He released you from his grasp as you confirmed your Uber on your phone, and your overwhelming satisfaction of claiming his attention again propelled you out the door. 

——

“Cute place. You decorate it yourself?” Josh teased as you both entered your apartment. It was only half-decorated and you hardly had any furniture, spending most of your days working and saving up money to finish furnishing it. 

“Shut up, dick head!” You shoved him backwards as he laughed. “I haven’t finished making it cute yet.” You pulled the bottle of liquor from the cabinet, shaking the little bit that was left. “I know you’ve been drinking whiskey, but…vodka’s all I’ve got.”

“Ah, it’ll work.” Josh responded, plopping down on your couch. “M’already fucked with a hangover tomorrow, might as well do it up.” You caught sight of his pretty light brown curls sitting on top of his head, and you felt another rush of that strange excitement soar through you. 

You made the two drinks and joined him on the couch, pulling the blunt up under your nose as you breathed in its earthy scent. Josh took the drink from your hand, raising his eyebrows as he watched you smell the rolled marijuana. 

“TJ usually has good shit, I will say.” He winked, sipping his drink. 

You pulled your feet up underneath you on the couch, scooting yourself closer to him. “Thought you said I shouldn’t take drugs from strangers…”

“I never said you shouldn’t, I just meant that next time you should get your weed from me.” He spoke without a care, taking the blunt from your hand and bringing it to his own nose. 

“Ah, well I was unaware I could do that, Joshua.” You snatched it back from him, taking the lighter from the table in front of you and lighting the end of the blunt. You inhaled the smoke slowly, noticing that Josh hadn’t responded to you. 

You glanced at him, finding the most devastating half smile on his face. You swore you felt your skin tingle. 

“Did you just call me by my government name, Y/N?” He whispered, leaning his head down to you. 

You exhaled the smoke you didn’t realize you were holding, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you mad about it?”

You passed him the blunt. “Nah, kinda liked the way it sounded, actually.” You watched as his lips made a perfect O around the tip of the blunt, and you found yourself wondering what kind of chapstick he used to get them to look…like that…

You felt your eyes grow heavy as your first hit found you, the THC entering your system quickly. Josh must have noticed, as he giggled at your appearance. “Told you TJ had good shit.”

“I swear to god I’m already fuckin’ high…” you laughed, taking another big hit. 

“Mmm, no baby, you’re crossed. But not all the way. Yet.” Josh’s voice was gritty and buttery all at the same time. And the fact that he called you baby had you feeling that same feeling again. He calls everybody baby, though…all the girls at work…you’re not special. 

The two of you sat and smoked until the blunt was a roach, and the air around you was thick with haziness. Your entire body was heavy and floaty, and you swore you could feel the blood pumping through your extremities. The conversation with Josh was so easy, so effortless, and the way the two of you held the complete attention of one another continued to astound you. 

“So tell me about you. What’s your real story?” Josh asked, the both of you sitting facing one another completely, now. 

You sipped your vodka drink. “What do you mean, real story?”

“I only know a little bit about you, where did you come from? What’s in your past?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, believe it or not, Josh, I kinda just got broken up with recently, too.”

“No way, you’re kidding. When? What happened?” He pressed. 

“Ahh, about a month before I started at Angelo’s. I’m from about twenty miles away, up north a bit. Came here looking to start completely fresh. Still close enough to my family, if I need them. Ya know…” you trailed off. Josh’s eyes were telling you to continue. 

“I got dumped, too. After a year of being with him. I thought we were serious, but apparently not. It didn’t hurt me too bad, I’m alright. Liking my new life pretty well, actually.”

Josh dramatically leaned back on the couch cushion, throwing his free hand over his face. “Ugh, god…how embarrassing. You handled bein’ dumped like a goddamned rockstar. I’m over here down in the dumps.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Josh. Four and a half years is a lot longer than one…”

“You’re right, I guess.” He sat back up, bringing his attention back to you. “So what was his reason? What was his last straw?” He asked, moving his face closer to yours. Your body was vibrating from the alcohol and the weed, and the presence of Josh sitting so close to you on your couch. You were positively buzzing. 

“He uh, didn’t really give me one. Just said it was over.” You whispered, feeling your emotions flying all over the place. Josh’s hand reached up, twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. “He also said I was a bad kisser, or something stupid.”

Josh winced at your words. “A bad kisser? I highly doubt that, Y/N…” 

“And why do you doubt that?” You giggled. 

“Because. I have a hard time taking my eyes off your lips, I can only imagine how hard it would be to take my lips off of them…” he smirked a little, laughing through his nose. 

“You’re fuckin’ stoned.” You laughed, leaning your face onto his hand. 

“And? I speak nothing but the truth, baby.”

“Mmmhm, yeah. Shut up.” You complained. 

“I’m serious. I bet you really are a good kisser. That guy was just…stupid.”

“Maybe I’m a horrible kisser, how would I ever know?” You shrugged, feeling your body about to jump out of your skin simply from having this conversation with Josh. 

He held his first two fingers up, motioning for you to come here. “Come on. Show me how you like to kiss.” 

“What?! No, I’m not gonna do that.” You blushed, pulling away from him with shyness. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m just trying to judge your kissing skills. I’ll be completely honest with you, tell you if that guy was right or not.” Josh said, holding his hands out to the sides. 

You stopped, staring at Josh through your slit eyelids, trying to figure him out. He met you with sincere eyes, and though you were both extremely intoxicated, you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. 

“I’m serious. Just kiss me.” He said matter of factly. “S’no big deal.” 

You took a deep breath, feeling the air surrounding you heavy with normalcy, but also heavy with yearning. 

You slowly pulled yourself in closer to him, gently wetting your lips as your mind went back and forth on whether or not to do this. Your breath became a little chopped, nerves bursting through the wall of your drunken carelessness. 

Finally you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your hands naturally shot up to cup his jaw. He clenched it, his eyes falling heavy again as his breath caught. Your heart was absolutely pounding from your chest. 

“Do it.” He whispered. “Show me.”

You finally let your lips press gently to his, your hands still cupping his jaw, as his hands sat comfortably in his lap. The feeling of them was exactly what you had imagined, soft, supple, and sweet, with the tiniest bit of sting on them from the leftover liquor. You finally exhaled, pulling away a bit to gauge his reaction. 

“You can get into it, baby.” He smiled, urging you to push through your nerves. “I’m just here to help, s’just me…” his voice was like honey, the sound of it tearing through your body as he motivated you. 

You leaned in again, this time letting yourself be a little more brazen, a little more steadfast as you worked to prove your ex wrong. Worked to impress Josh. Worked to show him. You opened your mouth a little, letting your tongue skirt across his bottom lip. The flavor of him almost knocked you down. 

You began to get into it some more, letting your high take over, and letting your guard down as you found yourself really, really enjoying kissing him. You perched up a little bit moving to your knees to get a better stance. 

“Mmmhmm… keep goin’ baby…” Josh mumbled when you broke away for a second. His words urged you on, and you felt brave enough to push your tongue further into his mouth, but only a little. You didn’t want to overwhelm, just experiment. His tongue met yours in the process, tasting each other for the very first time. 

Your hands curled up in his hair, squeezing at the roots a bit. He let out a little whine, so quiet that you almost didn’t even hear it. It ignited something inside you again, and you knew you had to drive it home. Had to prove yourself. You pulled away for a second, hissing in air as you bit his bottom lip, pulling it out a little and making eye contact before pressing into him again, both of you moving in such unison that you were fully involved in the sultry kiss, now. 

At this point you felt like you were teetering on the thin line of platonic kissing; you were still trying to prove yourself, but also…he tasted so good…

You felt the need to be touched. You reached down and grabbed Josh’s wrists, pulling them up to rest on you- one hand on your thigh, and the other around the back of your neck. You wanted reciprocation. He obliged, and as you licked into his mouth, his hand squeezed into your thigh, strong and needing. His fingers felt like burning embers on your leg, and you wished that you had changed into shorts when you got home. 

His hand pulled at the back of your neck, burying your mouths further into one another. “Fuck, baby…he was wrong, you proved him so wrong…” Josh said, smiling against your lips as he delved back in. Your mind was swimming from his words of praise, and you decided that though this was simply an act between friends, you knew that you could kiss him all day long, never tiring of the feeling of his lips on yours. You were completely surrounded by him, by his warming presence. His scent, his sounds, his touch… It was all too much. You felt like you were drowning in him, but you didn’t dare try to pull yourself from his waters. 

Your hands squeezed at his hair one last time as you let them drift down his cheeks and neck, tickling the back of his neck before rolling across his shoulders. You slowly brought them down to his pecs, and finally rested them on his cheeks again, pulling his face away from yours for a split second before landing one last peck. 

When you finally disconnected, you took in the sight of him…hair disheveled, eyes black and glazed, and his hands still rested gently in the places that you put them. 

“Holy fuck…” he breathed. 

“Oh my god, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? He was right, I’m a horrible kis—“ you were completely cut off by Josh’s lips on yours again, this time forcefully pulling you into him. This kiss was pleading, unbridled, and wanting, and each time you pulled away, you both were panting with want. 

“What the fuck are we doing?” You breathed when you broke away. 

“Kissing contest.” He answered, his hand respectfully staying on the back of your neck. “I think I’m winning, though…” 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that…” you said with a bit more confidence in yourself after seeing how you made him feel. 

“Yeah you’re right.” He agreed through an inhale. “You’re kicking my ass at this experiment.” He drove his tongue into your mouth again, but it didn’t make you want to retract…it made you want to pull it in further. You began to feel the heat that the two of you were emanating, and the sweat that was forming on your skin. 

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on, but you would never let him know that. You couldn’t. You’re just friends. One friend helping another get over his ex by having a kissing contest. Makes total sense. 

Finally you pulled away again, covering your mouth with your hand. You laughed, making Josh in turn laugh with you. “Well? What’s the verdict? Was he right?” You asked. 

“Fuck no, he wasn’t right. You’re a hell of a kisser, Y/N.” Josh’s smile stretched all the way across his face, completely blissed out in his high. “God damn, you left me a panting mess, baby.”

Your heart stopped at his words, feeling more confidence in yourself than you’d felt in a long, long time. Suddenly, the wildest idea to ever come across your mind escaped right through your lips. 

“Josh, we’re just good friends, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah, baby. Real good friends.” He wiped his hand across his mouth before extending both arms across the back of your couch. 

“Do you—do you care if I finish what I started?” You asked in an absolute moment of weakness. The look on his face turned up into surprise, and you weren’t sure how he was going to react to your question. 

“What uh, what do you mean, Y/N?” 

You moved toward him again, wanting to feel him again. Feel his hands on you again. Be the center of all his attention again. 

“Can you judge something else for me, Josh? I’ve always wondered how well I…performed…and who better to be the judge than my very good friend? Who will be completely honest with me?” 

WHO even are you?! You felt like a person outside your own body. The confidence he was giving you was…

“This ain’t no way to treat the broken-hearted, baby…” he replied, his voice a soft breath of air as his head lulled backwards. You paused again, unsure how to take him. “But I’ll be your judge…”

“Really? You will?” You asked, feeling vulnerable, but also wanting to show out for him. 

“Mhm. If that’s what you really want…” He bit his lower lip into his mouth, letting his eyes fall onto your lips like they had been doing all night. 

“Just friends…” you reiterated. 

“Just friends.” He parroted, lightly tapping your cheek with his hand. 

This was absolutely something you never did, and definitely wasn’t something you could ever even see yourself doing with Josh, of all people. You were supposed to be making him forget about his ex, letting him talk through it… hell, he was just dumped twenty-four hours ago. But there was something other-worldly spurring you on, whispering in your ear to just do it. And he was letting you. Was it wrong? Maybe, probably… but honestly, where was the harm in it? You were both obviously into each other, and as long as you were just making each other happy, you didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Besides, this new need to make him think about nothing but you at every single second was making your head spin, and you wanted his focus completely on you, right now. You moved to press your lips to his again, letting things naturally heat up so that you could continue on with your intentions. You took a deep breath, confidently removing yourself, and placing yourself in the floor in front of him. It was at this second that you were extremely thankful for your liquid courage, and the fact that you were too stoned to care about much else besides pleasing Josh. He almost made it easy. 

“Ten.” Josh said out of nowhere. 

“What?” you asked. 

“I give your kissing a ten out of ten. Seriously.” He said, smiling from the corner of his mouth as he ran his hand along your arm, peering down at you as you kneeled on the floor. 

You felt your face turn beet red, and you halfway didn’t really believe him. 

“Stop playing, you don’t have to be nice.” You erred.

“M’not just being nice. Seriously, I rate it a ten.” He stated, and you knew by the sincerity in his voice that he was telling the truth.

“Wow. Didn’t expect that, honestly.” you pulled a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you gonna finish what ya started, or not?” There was a darkness in his tone that you hadn’t noticed yet, and it made your stomach turn over with nerves. But even more so, it lit a fuse in your chest that was slowly burning, ready to explode at any given second. And with each passing minute, you wanted to impress him even more. 

You maneuvered yourself on your knees, gripping his thighs and pulling them apart so that you could place yourself between them. Your hands stayed there on his legs, squeezing and kneading at his muscles as you moved your hands closer and closer to where you both really wanted them to be. You could almost physically see him getting harder through his dark jeans, and you could hear his breathing picking up, too. 

You let your hands drift to his groin, squeezing the muscles there as he leaned down in his seat, giving you extra space as his head fell back on the cushions. You found the button on his jeans, pulling the fabric sideways and undoing the button with one hand and unzipping the zipper. “Damn, alright…” Josh laughed, holding his hands up. “Show off.”

You took that as a tiny win, and decided to keep it going, playing on his words from earlier. ‘You keep me guessing at every turn…’

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders, and leaned yourself down, letting your mouth meet his boxer-covered dick. You nipped your teeth lightly at it, making him hiss. You could tell just from this little bit of contact that he was well-endowed, and you felt your mouth physically watering for him. You needed to taste him. Your lips bounced around, peppering little kisses all over… the indirect contact making his hips jut up a little. 

You sat back, motioning with your hands. “Pull them down for me.” you demanded of him, and he gave you the sneakiest smirk, leaning back and pushing his pants and boxers down far enough to spring himself free. 

You weren’t wrong. He was perfectly sized, and it reassured you that you were okay with going forward with this. What you did notice, though, was he wasn’t as hard as you wanted him to be. Your hands rested on his thighs again as you sized him up, licking your lips as you prepared yourself. 

Josh had been the one urging you on all night, but suddenly, it felt like there had been a little bit of a shift. You finally brought your moistened lips to him, licking little circles around his tip, starting slowly at first, then picking up a little bit of speed. You swirled and gently suckled, and you felt him take in a big breath of air into his lungs. You glanced up at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling as he bit his lips. 

“What’sa matter, Josh? You okay?” you pressed, knowing that you could stop at any second, if that was what he wanted. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just… this is the first time someone else…since…” he didn’t need to say anything more.

“God, yeah. I’m sorry, your breakup is so fresh, I’m sure this is more mental than anything, for you…” you agreed as you sat back. “We don’t have to–”

“No. Yes we do, Y/N. I’m just…” You could tell Josh was having a hard time with his words again, for the second time tonight. 

“Just what? You can tell me…”

He swallowed, placing a sweet hand on the side of your face. “This is the first time I’ve um…been…with a woman…in a very long time.”

“Oh.” You muttered, his sentiment catching you off guard a little. You hadn’t realized you never even asked the name of his ex, let alone any details about the relationship.

“But it’s okay, Y/N…” He smiled, letting his thumb brush your cheek. “I may be wallowing in my sorrows, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this, want you to do this. Just…in my head a little bit.” He admitted, putting a hole through your heart.

You sighed. “It doesn’t feel wrong?” Your voice was tiny as it escaped you. 

He quickly shook his head side to side as he layed back on his elbow behind his head. “No. That’s what’s making me freak out a little, it doesn’t feel wrong in the least.” He swallowed. “Maybe I…Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought I was.”

You smiled a pitiful smile as you rested your elbows on his knees, taking a deep, recentering breath of your own. 

“You’re really fuckin’ pretty, Y/N.” He complimented you out of the blue, his thumb still grazing your cheek. “And I’m really into you.”

“You are?” You asked.

“Yeah. I know we said we’re friends, but friends can do this. Right? Doesn’t stop the fact that I’m attracted to you.” His glossy words made your stomach do flips again as you realized maybe his feelings were the exact same as yours. Unexplainable, but still overwhelmingly good.

“Yeah. I really think friends can do this.” You agreed. And you were serious. If you were going to be this person for Josh, then he could also in turn be this person for you. 

“Plus, the feeling of your lips on my cock just now…” He laughed through his nose. “Might be in competition with your ten out of ten kissing. And you hadn’t even…” He stopped there, biting both his lips into his mouth as he slid his hips down again. 

Good god, you’d hoped he would have a little bit of a dirty mouth. 

“You want me to keep going?” You asked. 

“Fuck yeah, I do. I gotta judge your skill, don’t I?” He played, removing his hand from your cheek and running it through your hair. He gripped it a little, making you stiffen your neck. Your eyes flashed to his, and you didn’t even need to say anything, he knew what you meant. He nodded, giving you the go ahead, and you prayed that he wouldn’t remove his hand from tangling up in your hair. 

You slowly leaned down to him again, starting things up just as you had before. Your tongue swirled on his tip, wetting it in circles as you let the saliva build up in your mouth. Around and around you took it, descending further and further onto him with every rotation. You heard him breathe out, his hips shaking a little beneath you. As you got as far as you could get, you pursed your lips down, tightening them around the base of his cock before sucking hard, pulling up and off of him completely. His hand tightened in your hair, showing you that he was liking it so far. 

He let out a groan, followed by a little laugh. “Fuck yeah, Y/N…”

You quickly found a rhythm, letting your head begin to bob as you worked your tongue and cheeks, alternating forceful suction mixed with light little pops of your lips. His hips were jutting with every movement, and the sounds that were coming from him were enough to keep you going, keep you striving to impress him…

You took him in your hand, gripping at the base and using the saliva that had dripped down as lubrication to move your hand, twisting and pumping it. “Jesus Christ, you’re…” You took a second to glance up at him, seeing his jaw tightly clenched and his chest heaving with labored breaths. He brought his other hand down, pulling the hair that had drifted down away from your face, pulling it all back to the nape of your neck and holding it tightly there. You nodded, letting him know you were okay with him guiding your movements. 

“Mhm.” You hummed on him. “Show me how you like it.”

He let out a choke of breath and readjusted in his seat, spreading his legs wider for you. He gripped a little harder on your hair, pulling you up and across his stomach, your faces almost touching as he brought his mouth close. He didn’t say anything, just hissed through his teeth as he scanned over your face. He then used a little bit of force to push your head back down to where it was, and you resumed your work. 

Fuck, what the hell is happening… your chemistry with Josh was absolutely off the chain. You felt like you would follow every command he would ever give you, let him use you in the worst ways, completely trusting him to do as he pleased. You were absolutely yearning to satisfy him. 

“I’ll show you exactly how I like it baby, but this is your show, remember? You’re calling the shots…” he growled, his voice deeper and more grating than it was earlier. You shrugged one shoulder, replacing your hand around his base. You moved it up and down opposite of your mouth, making his whole body start to shake. Your tongue worked on him, as your mouth drifted down as far as it could possibly go, with the help of Josh’s light guidance.

The weed had contributed to your slow, languid movements while the alcohol made your inhibitions fly out the window… the beautiful combo of the crossfade sending you both into a blurry and slow-motioned entanglement. You swore you could listen to his noises and praises on repeat. “So fuckin’ pretty, Y/N… so fuckin’ pretty…” He mumbled, lightly thrusting himself into your mouth as your neck began to ache a little. “Slow and steady, just like that…”

He puffed out a quick breath with a blow of his lips, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. Normally, you would finish up the job, and expect repayment, but getting Josh to even feel the tiniest bit of pleasure at your hand was enough. It was that draw, that need to make him feel good. Keeping him and him only in the spotlight. And if you had to guess, you were doing a pretty good job at it.

After a few seconds, his movements became jostled, and his once slow grinding movements started to falter. You felt him start to throb in your mouth, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until he was crumbling beneath you, all at the mercy of your mouth. 

“Hey, you want me to–” he said, suddenly shuddering. 

You nodded again, pleading with him to let it all go. You wanted the whole thing, wanted him to have the full experience. You needed to see what he tasted like. 

His breath started to pick up as he gripped your hair tighter, his hips pushing his dick further into your mouth as you let him graze the back of your throat, tears pouring from the sides of your eyes. “Come on baby, come on… just a little bit longer…fuck…” 

Finally, he was letting it all go, filling up your mouth as you swallowed his bitter-sweetness down, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. His whole body went rigid as he came, shaking and jerking as you worked to make sure not a drop was left behind. You squeezed your hand around him, pulling him up into your mouth. His whines were like music to your ears, pathetic and pitiful as he worked to come back down to earth. 

“Son of a bitch, Y/N… that was…” he said as you sat back up, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. He caught your jaw in his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to open your mouth. He pulled you closer, bringing you in for a heated kiss that left you smoldering for him. 

When you finally pulled away, you met eyes with him, and you could tell he was completely blissed out. “S’been a long time since I’ve had anything like that.” He admitted, pulling your back up to sit by him on the couch again. 

He tucked himself back in his boxers but decided to forgo buttoning back up. “Really? Even in a four and a half year long relationship?” You asked. 

“Ah, I dunno. We were long distance, so… it was few and far between but. Really I meant being with someone who actually showed passion about making me feel good. You know what I mean?”

You couldn’t help but smile. That was exactly what you wanted out of this. For Josh to feel that you wanted to be there. 

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I just…wanted to make you feel good.” You admitted, shrugging one shoulder up as you brushed your disheveled hair back into place. “So, what’s my rating, huh? Give it to me straight.”

Josh closed one eye and looked up with the other as if he was thinking really hard. “Uh, nine and a half.”

Your mouth fell slack, and you felt the soreness in your jaw joints. “Ah! Why the half?!” You argued. “Not a ten?”

He chuckled. “Would be a ten, but I only took away the half because I know that I won’t be able to feel you like that all the time.” You both stared at one another as you let his words sink in. 

Could you, though?

“And because I feel like you were holding back, a little. Weren’t you?” He pressed. His statement took you by surprise, because he was right. 

“...Maybe…”

“You shouldn’t have. It’s just me, remember. Guess you’ll have to show up and show out next time. See if you can get a perfect ten.” He said with nonchalance. 

“Next time?” You spat without a thought. 

He shrugged, squeezing his hand around your thigh. “Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation we’re both comfortable with… no strings attached type thing…”

You ran over the idea in your head, not really seeing anything wrong with it. You nodded, agreeing with his outlandish proposal.

“But, there is one thing, Y/N.” He swallowed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Obviously I… um. I didn’t make you feel good, tonight. But, just give me some–”

You cupped your hand over Josh’s mouth. “Josh, honey, shut up. You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand, and it’s okay. If we’re gonna do this, it's all gonna be in good fun, right?”

He nodded from behind your hand. “Right.” He mumbled. 

“And I certainly didn’t feel uncomfortable with you, so. I’m pretty positive we could just sit here and look at each other and we would have a good time.” You laughed, pulling your hand from his face. He caught your hand in his, and gave it a sweet squeeze. 

“Not sure I’d be able to sit by you for too long without something happening. You’re a fuckin’ treat, Y/N. I swear.” His eyes traveled down your body again, and you watched his gears turn as his gaze drifted over your breasts. “Thank you, for tonight.”

“Thank you.” You whispered. “We still friends?”

He took your chin between his fingers. “Yeah. Good friends.”

As the air between you finally started to settle and the intoxication turned into sobriety, you realized that the night was nearly about to turn into morning. You didn’t have to be at work until 11, so you were going to be able to get at least a little bit of sleep before your shift tomorrow. 

“It’s too late to get an Uber, Josh. Just stay here.” You more demanded than suggested, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it overtop of his lap. You stood, stretching your body as you made your way toward your bedroom. 

“What, you not gonna invite me to your bed?” He asked, throwing you off. 

“Uhh, I mean, sure–”

“I’m kidding, Y/N. We’re friends. Friends don’t sleep in beds together. Friends sleep on couches.” You watched as he burrowed himself under the puffy blanket and made himself horizontal.

“Maybe one day you’ll end up in my bed.” You tossed the joke over your shoulder, walking down the short hallway. 

“And maybe one day you’ll get a perfect ten.”

-xo, Jules

Join the tag list here

[masquerade-of-misery]

Just some mental health rambling, because I need to let this out somewhere.

If you are sensitive to topics like depression and self-loathing, feel free to keep scrolling.

In the past pair of weeks I've been spiralling deeper into depression again.

A lot has been happening in my life which affect me badly. I feel trapped, hopeless, disappointed, miserable. About life, about myself, about people.

It feels like whenever something remotely good happens, I can start worrying when that good thing will end, when it will turn bad, or what kind of "punishment" life will give me for having a moment of peace and joy.

I've been keeping so much to myself. Even with my family, whom I'm the closest with, can't share certain things, because they just simply wouldn't understand. I have only one person "in real life" that shares my love for Twst and who I can really talk to about everything. We live together, and she's an immigrant living in my country. Every 5 years, the terror overwhelms us when it's time to reapply for her residence permit. We live in constant fear of losing each other, of her application getting rejected. We are each other's life support and have known each other for 10 years now. If that gets taken away... I don't even want to think about it.

My parents and brother always tell me I can share everything with them, and they are here for me no matter what. And I know that, but... I also know that they would never understand my love for Twst and my deep love for Lilia. They would just suggest I see a damn therapist.

They would like to see me in a happy romantic relationship, but I have lost all my interest in meeting people honestly. I have never been lucky with men, and don't think I ever will be. I've been betrayed and ghosted by friends countless times, so I'm tired of trying to form friendships as well.

Also, I have huge self-esteem issues. I hate everything about myself. Every part of my body, my voice, my clumsiness, my social awkwardness, my struggles with verbal communication, my stupid blushing for no reason... I hate it all. I see my reflection in the mirror and have to tear my eyes away from it, because I despise the person looking back at me.

Last weekend, I had to realize just how different my brother and I have become, too. We've always had a strong bond, we were like the "prepare for trouble and make it double" duo. We argued and fought a lot as kids and teens, but we always have been a strong unit. But last Saturday, it became clear that basically I cannot say anything he considers "negative", "hateful", or "complaining", because he will turn it into a goddamn lecture. And the way he tells you his opinion is so condescending as fuck and makes you feel like you are a stupid kid who knows no better and needs to be taught. Even if his intentions are good, he still comes across as... arrogant? Mocking? And then when I said something nice about someone, it basically made me a hypocrite? So, no matter if I cuss at a stranger under my breath or make a kind comment about them, it's a problem??

I don't even know what topics to talk about with him, because our views on life and people have become so vastly different. His heart would also shatter if he found out I don't want to become an aunt and deal with kids, even if they are related to me by blood.

So, I just shut the fuck up from now on and keep most of my thoughts to myself. Even here, on my own damn blog, I'm not sure if I'll find any understanding. People are so damn sensitive nowadays, you cannot express any "negative" thoughts, can't get angry or sad, because then you become "toxic" and "hateful".

And then everyone is surprised why there are so many depressed, lonely, miserable people who don't want to or cannot open up. Or worse, they reach the point where they off themselves.

I'm tired. I'm just so exhausted. Even sleep can't bring me full peace, because my brain just plagues me with disturbing, disgusting, or simply depressing or nonsensical dreams.

I can't see the man I love even in my dreams. I can't hug him, kiss him, laugh with him...

I don't see the point in anything anymore. I just want to disappear.

[accio-victuuri]

MY SEPTEMBER READS. 💓

It’s been a productive month of reading for me, limited to manhua/manhwas. most of these are still ongoing so that may stop you from wanting to pick it up.

previous reads & recs : ( there are ofc novels, manhua/manhwas i have read that are not included here but enjoyed, for example — tgcf. )

Q&A Rec answered July 2021 //Recent Reads Series: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // November 2022 // January - March 2023 // April - August 2023

Solo novel recs: Cherry Blossoms Upon a Wintry Sword // The Moon is Coming to Me

Traces of the Sun ( 2 seasons completed, Ongoing )

One of my favorites and the photo I used for this entire post. The best thing here is that the MC is a necromancer in a sense, cause his power is restoration. The primary use if of course to restore and fix his environment like building etc but he somehow did the “forbidden” application of it which is to restore dead humans. This is set in the future and has that scifi kind of feel cause humans have “powers” and there are doorways that open — which teams have to complete to “win”. If you like that kind of premise then you will enjoy this. It reminded me of The Earth is Online so I had no problem getting into the plot, but if it’s your first time — it might be confusing.

The ML ( Hyeon ) is a red flag kind of guy and makes a deal with the MC ( Yiseon ) at the start of the story. It can be pretty dark & gloomy at times but hang in there. The quests are really exciting and the team dynamic is good <3 Their romance is kinda slow burn and i live for how Hyeon “changes” because of Yiseon. I’m really hoping for a happy ending!

The Promise ( 41 chapters completed )

I WANT MORE. I NEED. I understand some projects are only allowed upto a certain number of chapters but this was too good and could use more chapters or even side stories. I need to see An Nuo happy and enjoying the real world! 😭😭😭😭

Anyway, I picked this up cause I wanted another scifi/dystopian type of story after reading TOTS. This has that same trope. People with powers, and this time MC is someone who has a low level to no power, spending his time at an underground laboratory that treats humans as lab rats. Then comes the ML, someone from the “outside world” who needs to awaken his other power so he decides to go to the lab. They meet and well, that’s where the story starts.

If you can’t tell, I enjoyed this story so much!!!! The MC is the best. An Nuo <3 he’s so smart and I feel for him cause he was born in the lab, so he’s never seen the real world. He doesn’t know what a blue sky even looks like. As a reader, I was so invested for him to succeed and gain his freedom after 18 years of being a prisoner. Then you have ML, AHHHHHH!!!! He starts off as an asshole but then becomes so devoted so he’s forgiven. 😂😂😂😂

I’m looking for stories that are similar to this, so if you know one, let me know. ^^

Again ( 60 chapters completed ; ongoing side stories )

Regression. Entertainment Industry Setting. My weakness, so there’s no way i wouldn’t like it. But even tho it’s a trope I like, it’s still exceptional! Even if you don’t like this trope, it’s a solid story.

So you have the MC Han Nokyoung, who is an A list celebrity with a foul attitude. A scandal happens and he dies — then wakes up years before the incident so he decides to change things to have a better ending. He becomes entangled with Kang Junil in his “new” life — the same person who caused his scandal/downfall.

I like how the story flowed, and how the MC was portrayed as the scumbag he was in the past. There was no excuses, he was foul and did things that harmed people. So he has to atone. He has to change things if he wants to have a better future. There were also parts that I was scared that things will not change even if he chooses a different direction. The MC & ML romance too! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I love them! They are destined to be together. <3 KANG JUNIL BEING POSSESSIVE IS MY FAVE!

SKETCH ( Ongoing, Season 1 completed )

thank you for @ourbeloved1011 for recommending this!

They are precious! The art is beautiful! 💟

Modern story with two people trying to find their way into a relationship. The MC (Yikyung) is a smol bean that we must protecc! He loves too much and is the kind of person the ML (Joobin) just needs. I have to say it’s one of my comfort stories. It’s sweet. Funny and the smut is very hot without being vulgar. I swear, you can have 3 chapters of smut and it’s glorious!!!!

The age gap is also delicious. Even if it’s ongoing, I encourage you to read it. 🤍

HEARTHROB/ High Pulse ( Ongoing 24 chapters )

I usually don’t pick up stuff that’s just 20+++ chapters cause I think it’s too early to get a hang of the story or i would want more and have nothing. However I was intrigued, since it’s High School setting and Omegaverse.

Shut up. They are so cute! There is something about first loves & young love that gets me! It’s not all fluff and cute — i just wanna wrap them in a warm blanket and let them be happy. Anyway, in this setting, the MC/ML are turning 18 and that’s the time that they will be differentiated into Alpha/Omega or not. ML is expected to be an Alpha, and MC into an Omega. The MC has a heart condition, hence the title.

It’s just sweet. Sometimes i need a story that will make me squee!

LOOK AT THEM <3

( one of my favorite parts of the story 🤣🤣🤣 )

Love Meter 100 % ( 7 chapters completed )

A short and hilarious read!!!! MC is addicted to playing a RPG that is BL themed. He has a favorite character that he likes and one day, meets someone who looks exactly like that.

Don’t expect a ground breaking story. The plot twist is very nice tho.

Reunion ( Season 1 Completed ; Ongoing )

This story should be adapted into an Anime or a TV series cause it’s that good. The story telling is A +. If you love a non linear narrative and unreliable narrator then this is for you. My god. The mystery. The heart ache. The yearning. I’m freakin clenching my fists while reading it cause i can feel everything. Even how the panels are drawn adds to the story. Definitely up there as one of my top reads of the year.

the art style is gorgeous. the conflict is — AAAAHHHH!!! I can’t say too much to not spoil anyone reading this but if you read the summary, you’ll get an idea of what’s going on. MC pretended to be someone and had a relationship with the ML. Things happen, ML comes back and they meet each other but he (ML) forgot what happened (or did he????) and well… we try to uncover what really took place that summer and how they can have their happy ending this time.

This is a treat to experience. As a reader, you have to try and piece things together. You also can’t trust their recollections of what happened yet.

If there is 1 story you have to read in this post, let it be this one. It needs more audience!

Blood and Love ( Ongoing ; Chapter 20 )

The combination of someone who is fascinated with vampires + is a sunshine boy meets an actual vampire premise. Add that with uncensored smut. I really enjoyed it for what it is and i got so much secondhand embarrassment from the MC being such a simp 😂😂😂

No Moral ( Season 1 completed ; Ongoing )

I chose this because it’s set in a law firm — ML being a partner & big shot and MC a new junior associate. I did enjoy reading First Class Lawyer before so i thought to give it a chance, I made the right decision. 💕

It’s plot heavy and there are technical words but it didn’t turn me off. The cases are also interesting and this honestly makes me want to pick up the novel cause i wanna know what happens next. The hints of potential romance between them is 💓 and I hope that they get to a good place together.

I really like the character of the ML. Seheon Kang. He’s such a bitch. He reminds me of “Harvey” from the tv series Suits, all the attitude but none of the vices & women. He has family issues and will do everything to win. He may come off as stone-cold but he actually cares in his own way. Most of the comments I read about him, especially early on in the chapters is that he’s an asshole and they hate him. But it’s him. That’s how he is. I guess most people are going into this thinking it’s a “romance” and the ML should be this gentle dude. Well, “No Moral” is so much more than a romance. Even if this wasn’t a “BL” i would still read it for what it is. I love seeing him slowly lose his walls because of the MC tho. All I want for him is to have his freedom and get the taste of “someone” being on his side and will never leave him.

As for the MC, Yunshin, he’s definitely and Idealist. This is why he often gets into conflict with the ML. He’s young and usually does pro-bono cases ; He believes that the law always sides with the “innocent”. Tho he may come off as naive sometimes, I still that fight in him, especially when he does his best to pass Seheon’s tests!

I am excited for where this story will go ♥️

Everyday I want to be Number 1 ( till Chapter 23, Ongoing )

The trope of MC being the second place all the time and he wants to beat the ML who is always first place in academics and everything else. Then they get close and sparks fly ✨ I have read novels and other Manhuas like this but this one still got me.

A feel good read. Not sure if i’m gonna continue but I liked what i read so far.

Someone like you ( Season 1 completed ; Ongoing )

It’s sad and depressing. LOL. Idk why I picked it up but so far, I can’t help but feel frustrated with what’s happening. Some people who read this compared it to “Reunion” because they had a shared past and got separated. Also the gaps in ML’s memory regarding the MC. Also the MC thinking that their relationship is doomed. However, I think what’s lacking here is there is no “hope”, even if they communicate well, i feel like they keep going back to step 1. I understand why but it’s not making me want to continue on to the next seasons.

The art is very pretty tho ^^

Merry Marbling ( Chapter 33 ; ongoing )

First of all, everything is so pretty ✨ How can I resist? All panels are a treat!!!!

I was here mainly for the art, but I didn’t expect to get invested in the story that much. It may look like a superficial high school / slice of life kind of story but it’s so much more than that. Ian ( black hair ) is Mister Perfect. He is known as the “Angel” of their area and he literally can’t do no wrong — everyone likes him. Enter the new student Yugun, my dear sickly-angry-kitten son 😂😂😂 He doesn’t know Ian’s “history” & doesn’t get the hype about him. The story flows on their journey of being strangers to enemies to friends to lovers. 💕

I’m loving their character growth. Ian who does his best to please his mom and be the “perfect son” to being able to express himself and not think too much about what people will say. I really feel sorry for him, cause he’s a kid — he is allowed to make mistakes. The instances where he cries and almost has breakdowns when he does something wrong is not right. And it’s Yugun who calls him out on it, also encourages him to let loose sometimes. Yugun— who is closed off starts believing that he can have people to depend on, especially Ian. I really love Yugun 😂 He is chaotic. Don’t let the cute face fool you. He is a savage.

It’s also a really funny read. ^^ + the side characters are the type who add to the story, especially Mi Rye!

Follow your Heart ( completed )

Hello! Look at how beautiful they are! I am weak. Very weak. An upright taoist cultivator who lives high up in the mountains and a demonic cultivator that owns the Ghost Valley. My favorite trope! 😍😍😍 Also Mister Demonic Cultivator waited for his love to come back after 100 years. I mean…. This Manhua is a combination of all my favorite things!

The pairing reminds me so much of Hua Cheng x Xie Lian 😭😭😭😭 I wish there were more chapters, cause it’s only 53 but part of me thinks they already told the story they have to and there is no use in prolonging it.

Anyway, the story is not that deep, compared to other plots in the same genre. You only have to know a few people and their goal is clear. If you’ve read or even watched stories with Cultivation World as the backdrop, it’s easy to get confused and there are a couple of subplots, you won’t have that problem with FYH. Ye Zigue needs to find his body and transfer his soul core in order to live again, also find out the truth about what happened years ago. The best part for me tho is the ML. Jiang Shu. 💕 He has that whole Hua Cheng thing going on for him. AHHHHHHH!!!!! He is perfect. Exactly the type of ML I prefer reading about. I usually prefer modern manhua/manhwa setting but decided to give this a go cause it’s already completed, so happy that I made that decision <3

Civilian A ( Chapter 24 ; Ongoing )

I should stop picking up stories that are only 24+ chapters but I can’t help myself. Esper/Guide trope which I haven’t really been reading that much of. I think it’s the same as Sentinel/Guide. && the art is beautiful so….

The pairing is Gold! Especially the ML, Yool, who is a scary S+ Esper who everyone avoids but for some reason is a puppy to our MC. There is obviously some backstory here, early on in the chapters, we are given the impression that they knew each other when they were young. ML did something along the way to keep MC safe and forget him. I recommend that people wait this out, the recent chapters are just getting exciting. Tho romance is a big part of the story, there is also a backdrop of politics and some commentary on the society. Definitely one that I will be waiting on every week to update. 💜

==============

BONUS: Other books ( physical ) I have finished this Month. <3

I’ve been wanting to try “before the coffee gets cold” trilogy and decided why the hell not. It’s definitely my kind of read. It’s not a very long book and you have 4 “short stories” in each but they are connected at some point. The concept of time travel here is unique ( you can only go to the past or future but you have to be seated in a particular chair. you can’t get up from your spot. nothing will change in the past or future no matter what you do or say. you can only see people who have been in the cafe too. your time is up when the coffee gets cold. ) and the stories will affect you. Reading this makes me want to visit this cafe lol to experience it. ☕️ only finished book 1 & 2, i’m saving the 3rd for October.

Jujutsu Kaisen 0. I rewatched the movie for the nth time so I picked up the manga too. I’ve also been collecting the official volumes and will get to that next. ^^ and I’m a Yuuta Simp so… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kimetsu no Yaiba Volume 1-5. Same with JJK, i’m getting the volumes so reading em too. A perfect read to de stress after work.

Dune - I’ve always wanted to read this book cause as a sci fi fan, everyone said this is one of the best, but that made me so intimidated by it that i didn’t pick it up for years. and the fact that the copies i see are the really small and thick ones. But I watched the film last year and really enjoyed it, even re watching it so that’s when I knew i could “handle” it. I enjoyed every bit of it and I can’t wait to see the scenes come to life in the film this November ^^ I’m not planning on continuing on with the other books tho, I’m fine with just this one.

I have to say it’s been a really good reading month for me and I hope to maintain my momentum in the next couple of months. Not putting too much pressure on myself tho, but I hope I get to discover more enjoyable reads. ^^

[perpetualexistence]

Alley Cats AU: What Noah Did

Here's the queer coming of age story that I didn't expect to write until suddenly I was going all out with it!

Noah started off as just that one nerd that's in the library all the time. He would mostly hang by himself, though occasionally he'd hang out with Harold and Cody. Or more accurately, let himself get dragged into a hang out. Nerd solidarity against bullying or whatever. He didn't start attempting to put himself out there until the possibility of class representative came into play. He didn't truly care about it per se. It was something nice for college applications, though. He knew he'd be fighting Courntey for it, but they were already fighting for valedictorian anyways. He was fairly confident he could handle her. He actually started looking a bit forward to their rivalry and started putting effort into his campaign.

Noah's fall from potential class president to complete exile began with Justin. Everyone at school knows they hate each other, though no one quite knows why it started. There are rumors that Noah asked Justin out and got rejected. Others think Noah simply has no heart and Justin was just the poor guy who found himself in his crosshairs first. Others that Noah's simply jealous of anyone with pretty privilege. The only thing everyone can agree on is that Noah started it seemingly on a whim while Justin did nothing to deserve this.

Justin made sure that was the only story that circulated.

The real story begins with Noah and his budding sexuality. Or rather, asexuality. During middle school he never really got why other people were bothering with sloppy make out sessions or school crushes. He'd heard about and knew the rush of endorphins that happened when you saw someone hot, but he never felt it himself. He found out about asexuality and suddenly things made sense.

Noah's a logical person who likes it best when there's certainty in his life. He hated it when he didn't know what was going on with not wanting a girlfriend or even sex at all. It made sense that he was above emotional things like that. Aromanticism and asexuality clicked for him, and he was perfectly content with those labels.

Then Justin happened.

His personality was horrendous and vapid. But when Noah looked at Justin, he felt his heart flutter, his breathing quicken, his mouth go dry. Noah doesn't feel strong emotions often, so when they do they hit him like a truck with cut brakes plowing through a barrier into oncoming traffic. He suddenly understood what everyone meant when they arbitrarily declared what 'hot' meant. To want to hold and be held, even kiss. He hated the thought usually but something about Justin made him crave to twist their tongues together. Part of him is thinking 'I'd tap that' when he barely even knows what 'tapping that' means.

This throws everything for a loop, because how can he be asexual if he suddenly does want to have sex with someone? Did Justin flip some kind of Gay switch in Noah? Is Justin an exception? What exactly is it about him that makes him feel this way? He has a lot of questions he didn't ask for. The answer relies on someone he hates. Joy.

Made even worse is the fact that Justin starts flirting with him. Noah's got no clue where this is coming from. It's making his heart do things and he doesn't like it. Eventually he decided 'screw it', dragged Justin somewhere private, and started making out with him.

Noah liked the kiss. At least, he thinks he does? If he was enjoying this his mind shouldn't be able to wander like this. Unless that was normal? For once he in his life he barely knows what he's doing but he sure isn't going to let Justin know that. He lets Justin take over. Just closes his eyes, tries his best to have his brain just stop thinking and-

Click.

Noah's an idiot.

His eyes immediately shot open to the camera Justin had hidden on him this entire time. Noah Mudaliar doesn't feel strong emotions often, but he can certainly recognize what rage feels like.

Justin tries to play this off as just a simple bet. It's not like he's going to show everyone the photo. He just needs to show the proof he bagged the most stubborn boy around. Besides, Noah dragged him away, so he can't pretend he didn't want this. And he's got a reputation, right? Trying to be class rep? Justin can help get a few votes on his side in return for Noah keeping their little secret. And if he doesn't want that offer? Well. Nobody wants a fool for a class rep, will they?

Justin's lucky that he's athletic and Noah isn't.

Noah despises Justin now. And he knows no one will believe him over whatever story Justin makes up. The worst part, though? Noah didn't even get any answers about what he wanted. He's just as lost and confused. Combine that with angry and prideful, and you get someone on a warpath.

Noah may not be able to make Justin's social life a living hell, but there's something else he cares about deeply. His upcoming modeling career. So, in retaliation for Justin ruining everything, Noah makes a virus that automatically deletes any email that comes from a modeling agency. Justin will have no idea he's getting offers, and when it gets out he's snubbing everybody, his career will be shot.

Unfortunately for Noah, Justin happens to catch one of the emails automatically deleting itself one day. He goes to Harold to find out what's happening, and eventually it all leads back to Noah.

Justin in his fury calls Noah a jealous troll trying to ruin him for no good reason and paints himself as an innocent victim. Noah can't share the real reason why he did it because he doesn't want his reputation to become all about how Justin tricked him. It might also mean admitting he was only willing to go into it because he was confused about his sexuality, which is DEFINITELY not something he wants circulating.

He's upset that now he's questioning everything because part of him wants to do it again, another doesn't, and the kiss didn't even resolve his question on whether he's gay or asexual or who the fuck knows. And now everyone is bullying him for bullying Justin and messing with his future.

He's the first to find the alley as he runs to breakdown with this mess of emotions he has no idea how to deal with. He starts to use it when he wants to hide/read in peace. The library's not an option because people know to look for him there. It's like this for a while, and Noah's fine with it. It's just high school. He can manage. He can do alone.

He can do alone until the day he finds a girl screaming and beating up a trash can in his alley.

Alone becomes alone together.

<- What Alejandro Did | AU Masterpost | What Eva Did ->

[luckyricochet]

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4

Read on AO3

Eilidh arrives at Thorpe Abbots.

A/N:

I'm back! I'm so sorry for the wait, but thank you for being patient! Grad school got the better of me but I've managed to pull myself together for an updated. If you are still reading, I appreciate you so much for putting up with the long absence!

The Diss train station was small but seemed just as busy as any Eilidh had seen. The entire train disembarked here, everyone probably all heading towards the same place, she thought as she hurried to catch the vehicle that would take her into Thorpe Abbotts, and then, past that, to the air base. She kept her head down but couldn’t help but observe the rush of people around her. It seemed likely she would end up seeing at least some of them again at one point or another.

The villages that the truck trundled past were small. Before 1939, they had probably been sleepy little hamlets, Eilidh guessed. They were all serviced by one main road, the old stone houses charmingly decorated with ivy and moss in the front and fed by farms and gardens maintained in the back. It was the type of place that made St Andrews, with its three whole streets and town and gown relations, appear downright urban.

Eventually the sparse villages became even sparser, until the truck was rumbling along large open fields on a smooth, newly-laid road. Eilidh watched the green land flash by with mixed emotions. It was beautiful and should have lifted her spirits, but as it passed outside the window, she only felt a cold distance. It was fresh and pristine here, hardly touched by the ravages of the Blitz at all. If only Will had found it within himself to leave London and work somewhere else, had he not been so stubborn…

The road was narrowing, dotted with men and women in uniform. The truck pulled up past a large white sign that read ROYAL AIR FORCE THORPE ABBOTTS. Above it, another sign warned, NO UNAUTHORISED PERSONNEL ALLOWED. I guess I’ll be authorized soon myself, Eilidh thought. A man dressed in olive green came out of a white hut to talk to the driver, and then they were waved in past more long yellow-green fields. After a while the road joined up with what was unmistakably an aircraft runway. Beyond this, Eilidh started to see buildings, bizarrely-shaped like giant cans cut in half vertically and laying on the flat sides. She had seen pictures of them in magazines, but never in real life. The truck came to a stop in front of one of them. Eilidh grabbed her suitcase and approached a man in a uniform who was corralling the new arrivals like her.

“I’m Eilidh Hamilton,” she said with a deep breath. “British Red Cross?”

“Check in’s down that way,” he said, directing her down another gravel road. A short queue had already formed, spilling out of one of the giant cans. A big white sign with a red cross painted upon it had been hammered into the dirt by the door. Eilidh got into the line and a girl with dark hair promptly smiled at her.

“I’m Beth,” she said. “Who are you?”

“Eilidh. Nice to meet you,” Eilidh replied.

The girl’s grin widened. “Are you a Red Cross girl too?”

“Well—assuming they don’t strike me from whatever inspection they’re doing in there,” Eilidh said, nodding toward the office.

“Hey! Keep it moving, ladies!” a voice shouted at them.

Both girls jumped, and, after recovering, shuffled sheepishly inside the hut. It was set up with three rows of desks all along the inside, each staffed by an man doing intake. Eilidh felt a knot in her stomach, even though she had no reason for one. All of her security and background clearance had already been approved as part of her application, months ago; she was pretty sure this was just the military equivalent of attendance in school, making sure everyone who was supposed to be there was accounted for. Another person at the door directed Eilidh towards the back of the room, where she sat down.

The man before her pushed a piece of paper and pen toward her. “You fill that out. I’ll need to see your national identity card.” He tapped some ash off of the cigarette he was smoking. The smell of the smoke was bitter but oddly enticing after her journey.

Eilidh gave him her identity card and glanced down at the form he had slid to her. She filled it out quickly—it was easy, just a repeat of her personal information that she was sure they already had. When she looked up, the man was squinting at her card. He opened up a metal box sitting next to him, rifling through its contents until he extracted another card. He held the two next to each other, peered at her, and then nodded to himself.

“All right.” He grunted and got to his feet. “Turn your chair that way, so your back is to the wall. We’re going to take photo for your badge.” Eilidh did as she was told while the man readied a small camera. She heard it click a few times.

“These are yours.” The man handed her identification card back and then a second, flimsier one. “This one is your temporary security badge for the base. You’ll have the permanent one with your picture once we can get it printed. Until you get it, you don’t leave this base. But you keep your ID on yourself at all times, Miss Hamilton, even if you do leave the base,” he instructed her. “It’s your proof that you’re allowed to be here, so don’t lose it. You do and it’ll be more paperwork for us, and we won’t like that…Got it?”

“I understand.”

“Good. Now go on back there, they’ll show you around.”

And there was a lot to see around the base. Fifty concrete hardstands or along one of the three runways, the longest of which was nearly two thousand meters long and somehow the most impressive thing around, Eilidh thought, even though it was really just a glorified road. Not far from it was a control tower, a squat and square structure topped with a viewing deck. Everyone was most excited about the officer’s club—empty as of yet and still needing tables and chairs, but the two-sectioned space was enormous. Big enough for a band to play on one end, explained their guide, along with a cozy fireplace at the other. Other sites, Eilidh felt confident she would have no reason to ever be near again, so she took advantage of committing their presence to memory, the things like fuel storage facilities and the ammunition dump site. She was more interested in seeing the places that she knew she would actually frequent—the mess halls and the barracks. It was here that their truck driver ended the tour and told them to disembark, conveniently so they could find their beds and begin to settle in. Eilidh was content to find where she would be sleeping; although it was only the afternoon, she was exhausted.

There was hardly any rest to be had, though. Already in the hut she would be staying in were a few other young women, including Beth, the one who Eilidh had met earlier. Eilidh was so tired she was in no mood to talk to anyone, so it was with some reluctance that she went over to introduce herself to their fellow bunkmates. Mary, Susannah, Fran…who’s the other? I’ve already forgotten. Beth, Eilidh soon learned, was happy to do enough talking for the both of them. So Eilidh let her, smiling woodenly and nodding until they were called for supper and a whole new wave of faces met them.

It was like the first day of university. A bunch of strangers thrown together, from all over the country. A little nervous but excited too. As Eilidh’s energy flagged, she forced herself to remember her first days at St Andrews. You liked it there. You’ll like it here too, she told herself fiercely.

It was wishful thinking more than anything else, but at this point, it was all she had.

Eilidh Hamilton’s Diary

14 February 1943

I arrived at Thorpe Abbotts today. There was so much to do and see that I’m quite frankly surprised I’m still awake. The facilities are enormous and really quite nice since they’re brand new.

I must have met dozens of people. Everyone seems so cheery—so committed to the job and all. Not jaded or anything. I can’t fake that sort of thing very well. Maybe for an hour or two, but it’s a lot. I did try my best today, really. I don’t want to disappoint Mum and Dad again by coming home. But I think a lot of the other people could tell that I wasn’t talking much. Maybe they’ll just think I’m quiet. Ha. Wouldn’t that be the irony of the century.

We have to be up at six o’clock tomorrow, so I’m going to sleep soon, right after I write Mum and Dad very briefly.

Eilidh Hamilton to Victoria and James Hamilton

14 February 1943

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’m writing at the end of my first day here. It’s been a lot to take in, so I’m nodding off as I write this but wanted to dash off a few lines to let you know that everything has gone well so far. I’ve met up with the people I’m living with but there hasn’t been much time to get to know them yet and there were so many people to meet that I hardly even remember their names. I do remember the girls’ names, though. There’s Beth, Susannah, Amelia, Mary, and Frances, plus me, for six in total for our quarters. The barracks are bigger than I might have thought. We all have our own bed and even space for a vanity and places to hang up clothes, shelves, that sort of thing. There’s a stove in the middle of the hut so it’s not cold and there’s enough room so that we can put our chairs in a group for when we want to chat. Overall it seems it will be comfortable.

We got a tour of the entire base—it’s absolutely massive. One of the men said we should save up for bicycles if we can, so I’ll probably follow his advice because otherwise I’ll be too tired to do anything else from all the walking.

Tomorrow we have an early start to our lessons on everything we are meant to be responsible for. The base isn’t active yet, so until it is we’re supposed to be training. The biggest thing is learning how to drive, I don’t think there’s any of us who know how to do that, and certainly not with an ambulance. Can you imagine? I’m sure that’ll be a laugh. I’m hoping I can just spend all my time making biscuits and scones, but I’m guessing it won’t play out that way.

I’ll write again in a few days. Love to all.

Eilidh

The next day was no easier than the first. Starting before the sun rose and running only on coffee and a slice of toast, Eilidh and the other girls shuffled into another Nissen hut close to their barracks. Dozens of seats had been arranged lecture hall-style in the rows at one end of the hut, but the rest of the space was a little bit more cozily made-up with a small kitchenette, plush chairs and sofas, bookshelves, and a radio. After a few minutes of the girls whispering conspiratorially about what was going to happen next, the door burst open. A tall woman wearing glasses and graying hair tied sensibly at the nape of her neck strode business-like up the aisle and stepped up to the dais.

“That’ll do,” she said to quiet them.

They all fell silent like schoolchildren, an effect compounded when she reached to her feet and lifted an enormous stack of paper to the podium. The woman split the stack in half and handed one to each side of the front row, a single gesture of her finger indicating they were to be passed around, along with a tin full of pencils. Eilidh glanced at the booklet she had just been handed. Stamped on the front in black letters were the words, British Red Cross—Thorpe Abbotts Station 139. The eponymous cross was emblazoned underneath it. Eilidh fanned the pages open and caught a glimpse of various headings: The Red Cross Girl’s Attitude, Writing the Bereaved, How to Prepare Coffee…

“I am Mrs. Eleanor Thackeray. I’m director of the British Red Cross chapter based here at Thorpe Abbotts.” The woman surveyed them over the rim of her glasses. “For as long as you ladies are here, I will be your supervisor. If you have any problems, you come to me. Let’s be clear that despite working on a military base, you are civilians. We will be working under a different chain of command than the airmen, understand? If you have a dispute involving any of the military personnel, you come to me and we will sort it out, in conjunction with the military, if need be.”

Eilidh didn’t question why Mrs. Thackeray began her speech in this manner; cross-fraternization was a given in this situation.

For the next several hours, Mrs. Thackeray expounded on everything they were to be responsible for at one point or another so long as they stayed with the base. How to write comforting notes to distressed families, how to pack a proper care package, how to type welfare reports, how to serve refreshments and libations, and more. They broke at noon to lunch, eating in the same hut and making use of the entire space for the first time. When it was filled with genial conversation instead a single person talking at them, Eilidh realized it was even nicer than it looked. Towards the end of the half hour reprieve, Eilidh stepped outside for a few minutes. She looked up at the overcast sky and took a deep breath, expelling the stuffy hut air out of her body. There was the smell of a threatening rainstorm on the wind.

The afternoon was more practical. A man came and explained to them the basics of driving, and then they all went out in pairs to test their abilities with the different runways as their practice grounds. Eilidh turned, accelerated and slowed, and parked in accordance to the instructor’s strict guidance and with minimal grief, but there was still lots to learn. All of the girls would be subjected to a daily driving lesson from now until when the station activated that summer, and there wasn’t enough practice to be had. They would have to get used to not just merely driving, but also driving at high speeds, on bumpy terrain, and with the base full of people—all knowing that eventually they would be driving in life or death conditions too, with a man in the back screaming in agony. Their instructor seemed disappointed that it hadn’t rained after all, that they would have to wait before they could try driving on slick surfaces with the windshield lashed with raindrops.

So with that fear of God properly instilled in them by their instructor, it was with even greater anticipation that Eilidh filed into the kitchen of one of the mess halls, where another woman showed them the recipe they were to use for baking the biscuits, donuts, and scones to stock the Red Cross clubmobile. Whereas Eilidh had taken meticulous notes in order to get behind the wheel, she almost didn’t pay attention at all during the baking lesson, especially after she sampled some of the wares that were passed around—she could make a better version of almost all of these things from memory. They weren’t bad, but weren’t spectacular either. They were going to stay that way, though, Eilidh realized, as the woman lectured them about the strict need to stick to the recipe so as to not mess with supplies and ingredients and whatnot. After some more time mixing and shaping and waiting, they all marched off to the officer’s mess again for dinner, now with their first batches of Red Cross biscuits in hand. Eilidh nibbled at hers after eating a helping of shepherd’s pie. It was crumbly and a little sweet, but not as buttery or soft as it could have been if she had made it in her own way. When Beth agreed that they were subpar, Eilidh felt a sense of kinship with the other girl for the first time.

Eilidh Hamilton’s Diary

15 February 1943

We had our first taste (literally) of some of the things we are going to be doing as Red Cross Girls. Most of it was fine like the driving and the packages and so on, but my God—I wish these biscuits and things were not so rubbish. Aren’t they supposed to be for the boys for when they go off on missions? We could at least give them something a little better.

[mistressfannie2]

What kinds of things would you ask of a plaything / slave that you think would turn away lesser applicants?

The commitment would be too big to handle.

First, I'm not one of those fake Doms who asks for money/gift cards/bitcoin after 3 DMs. I've never asked for money and I don't really want more than what I earn from my real life career. But I want control over their money or at least a part of it. Like a small budget to use as I see fits.

In a perfect world, I would have them locked out of their bank account entirely. I would get their pay check, I would pay their rent/mortage/utilities cable/phone/internet... and give them an allowance for food but ask for receipts so I would also control what they eat. I would set any money left in a low risk investment for them. It's their money, not mine. But I also know that it's too big of a commitment for almost anyone, especially over the internet. I'm not dumb. There are way too many scammers, and it would not be safe.

I would ask them to set up security cameras in their home and give me full control of them. If I ask them to wear an outfit, or practice doing something, I want to make sure they comply. I would set many rules like bedtime, curfew, if they can have people over or not... And with those security cameras I could know if they are good or not. It would be a 24/7 thing. Of course they would have to go to work and I would never jeopardize that part of their life... but they would need to come back home when I say, stay fit and eat healthy. And I would know because of the cameras.

And of course, even if I don't want to share my identity, I would ask their full address. Not for blackmail. But I would probably send them "gifts" (paid with their "small budget"). Who doesn't like to receive a new toy as a surprise?

They would have to be single... or with someone really open to those kinds of things. I would love to have a couple of pets. I would make them interact with each other in a certain way. But, I don't want to deal with "my wife can't found out". It can be a closet sissy outside in public, but not in their home. It makes them too hard to train. And I want them to be true to themselves.

And last, I really don't share my identity for reasons that I don't share either. My face can not be associated with anything going on here. So no pictures, no videos, no names... Anyone can call me Mistress Fannie... and that's the only part of my real life I would share. It makes it really hard to commit to someone you never saw and never will see.

Am I right? Would it be too big of a commitment?

[ficoandleo]

Hi guys, what do you think of me Romeo headcanons ?

All the best <3

The word 'headcanon' makes Romeo look to Leo for clarification. He's not exactly a fandom person and the combination of words is foreign to him.

"Headcanon is exactly what it sounds like. 'Canon,' but only in your head. Not the biblical kind of canon."

"So it's just a bunch of ideas that somebody--who probably doesn't know you to begin with!--gets in their head about you?" Romeo's phone gives a little buzz, a message from Leo allowing him to open your post. He already looks annoyed at the thought. The last thing he wants is more people spreading stupid, awful rumors about him.

"Well they're usually about fictional characters and not real people, but. Yeah, basically!" It's so funny how they think they're real people.

As a clarification from the writer, most anything Romeo says is 'right' or 'wrong' is merely in application to himself, here. It isn't meant to be applicable to all presentations of Romeo, only my own, on this blog. And even those are subject to change. Your headcanons are always valid, and I, personally, like most of them quite a lot! But you're not here for me!

"This is quite the list. . . ." Romeo crosses his legs and sits back in his chair, making himself comfortable. This is going to take a while. Leo makes himself comfortable, fiddling with his phone.

"I'll leave most of that to you. They're about you, after all. But no worries, I'll provide some witty commentary of my own if I see fit~!"

"Saying that I started at Darkwick 'a couple of years' after I turned 17. . .I've been here almost three years now, just how old do you think I am!?"

"The correct answer is~~~ don't ask💔! It's rude to ask someone pretty their age, okay?"

"Well, I didn't come to Japan before I reached adulthood, I can say that much. I lived in Italy until. . .until it didn't seem safe to continue to do so. Around four years ago." Ha. He wished he could have just come to Tokyo peacefully. . . .

"My parents were quite busy, and I won't deny that I wasn't as close to my father as my mother or nonna. I think most people are--it seems fairly common that fathers aren't the most. . .available for their own children." He doesn't know very many people who wouldn't say they're closer to their mother than their father. Maybe that was just the company he kept, though. "Expected to act as an heir, yes, but I negotiated a bit more freedom through my own skill and efforts. Although I don't think we have the same perspective of what I was supposed to be inheriting."

He briefly recalls how Taiga called him naive shortly after they met. How even recently he said he was still as naive as that day.

". . .but maybe even you know better than I did in this case." Every day he plays mafia. Sometimes he wonders how close he was to 'playing' mafia without ever having to leave the comfort of his own home.

"I mean, your family owned that super famous fashion brand. Not sure what else you'd be inheriting." Leo chimed, half joking. As if it weren't obvious what Romeo could have been in store for in another life--possibly even in this one.

"Ah. But, yes, three siblings and the languages are right. I understand little bits of other regional languages here and there--only what you pick up doing business and singing in other regions. I understand English and Japanese far better. Isn't that strange?"

Romeo frowns as he reads the part about his father, about gambling. He thinks of Taiga calling him naive and greedy. Like your old man. You gotta be more careful with your chips, Lulu! Of parroting words--he never really thought about it, but they may have been nearly the exact same ones--that his father had yelled at. . .his mother? His sister? His nonna? No, his father would never yell at her--

You're being ridiculous. He doesn't have a problem.

Even if he acknowledged it, what good would it do? His father was still in charge of everything--

He partially skips that one. "I was expected to take over for my father eventually. But our brand name was taken from me--from us. And everything went with it after that. I run the casino because that BTH won't do his own damn job and run the business he started. I don't need a reason to hate gambling--it's designed to make you keep trying and losing even when you're already at a loss. What is there to like about it if you aren't in the house position that's meant to see those profits?"

Even in the house position, he doesn't much like gambling. And he'd rather not admit that it might be more personal than that.

"And the drugs makes a profit, same as any other contraband. I wouldn't touch them if I weren't selling them. I don't smoke, either. I don't touch any of that unhealthy garbage. Do you know what that crap does to your body!?" It's a wonder Jin and Haku are in the conditions they're in with how much they smoke. Or, in Haku's case, smoked--he heard he's trying to quit. Good luck with that. "I'll admit to drinking, but I try and keep it to meals and celebrations." And moments of extreme stress. "The drinks Mickey makes are made from anomalous ingredients--all of the effects but none of the risks of actual alcohol. So it doesn't count."

But if that weren't an option he would be drinking real alcohol every night. He may not smoke, but Rui is currently, literally, the only thing keeping him from becoming a full blown alcoholic. . .no pressure or anything, Rui.

He grimaces at the mention of Catholicism or faith at all. "Is anybody back home really religious? Be honest, no one really practiced any of that BS." Well, some people did, especially older people. But it was more tradition and custom than actual belief that kept a crucifix hanging around his neck for most of his life. "I made a deal with a demon. That isn't a sin God would forgive, even if He were good. Even if I believed, what choice would I have but to put my faith elsewhere?"

The first thing he threw away himself after making that deal was the cross he'd worn around his neck. But he couldn't bring himself to blow it up. That felt. . .a little too dangerous, even for something he didn't feel like he really believed in. He'd simply thrown it as far as he could(much further than he could have thrown it a few hours prior) and left it behind.

After all, if a demon came to him and granted him great power, perhaps there was a God too? But by then it was too late to worry. If God saw fit to strike him down he would.

"I don't think most people like school, let alone Catholic school. And I assure you that any attempts to bully me wouldn't have needed my family or their connections to get involved. But they respected me and my family, so if anyone had any SAC about my middle name, they were smart enough to hold their tongues.

". . .as for keeping contact with my family, I don't know if any of my direct family--nonna included--are still alive. And they don't know that about me, either. As far as anybody back home knows the eldest son of the Lucci brand and his personal bodyguard have been missing for several years." Although he has quite the online presence, so if anybody wanted to reach out to him it's far from impossible. He still wears his name with pride.

"My indirect family, with whom I share my last name. . .I never spoke much to them, despite that they provided our security at home. I don't think they cared for me much when I pretty much had Taiga replace their men." But you really can't beat one guy who can beat up two or three guys at once and tells you how pretty he thinks you are all the time. "So I can't say I speak to any of them anymore. Even through letters. I CBA to find out if anyone's alright anyway."

It's probably paranoia. But if your family was attacked over unpaid debts that were out of your control you would probably be paranoid too. If he reached out or started some sort of investigation, someone could get hurt. What if it were him!

"It is virtually impossible to find good, authentic Italian food in Tokyo. Especially if you want something specific or regional--the available ingredients aren't the same either. We had people who cooked for us back home--anyone with money like ours would have, I'm sure--but I don't think that would stop anybody's grandmother as long as she had working hands."

He resists the urge to smile. "But she taught me how to sew more than she taught me how to cook. It's a wonder we got away with that--I had never liked my father simply having others make my designs without any input beyond sketches and notes. I wanted more involvement so that everything would be perfect. . .but that isn't what you're asking about. Nobody cooks like your mother--and even less people your grandmother."

Leo makes a contemplative noise and looks thoughtful about this. Sho is very good at replicating tastes and recipes based off of description. . .and getting good ingredients imported. And he loves making food from different cultures--'Highway To Home' was called that for a reason. For Leo, no one's made better food than Sho, even either of their mothers. It probably wouldn't be the same. . .but he likes the idea of Romeo owing him a favor and giving Sho a challenge, and files the thought away for later.

"Kurossa, which one is pansexual again?"

"Huh? Oh, it's 'where there's a hole, there's a goal,' more or less."

"I thought that was bisexual."

"These days it's pretty much the same thing depending on who you ask."

". . .Which one are you?"

"Awww, do you wanna be like me, Ro-Ro?"

Romeo smirks back at him, tilting his head. "What can I say, you have good taste."

"Honestly, I don't really care. The pan flag's colors look like printer ink, so I just say I'm bi because I don't want the ugly ass neon flag? It's so bright, those colors can look good but you've really gotta put effort in for it. The bi flag colors are a little more muted? The aro colors kinda suck too though."

Romeo appears to be looking up the flags and scrunching up his face. "They're workable colors. I think the fact that they're plain bars is part of what makes them look so unappealing. . . ." But then he realizes he's getting off track and goes back to the headcanon list. "Well, in any case, I favor men as a. . .noticeable pattern. But I've been attracted to others before, so I would say you're probably right. But my interest in fashion is from my family business, and my interest in self care is from both my desire to maintain personal perfection and an upbringing in the fashion business. Top tier clothing wouldn't be tolerated on a face and body that don't compliment it. It would be a waste."

"Like, still put the effort in obviously, even if you can't get it perfect. Some effort is a million times better than no effort." Leo adds, rolling over on the couch.

"Of course. Not everyone can afford the price of true beauty, and not everyone is patient enough for it even if they can. But that doesn't mean you don't do anything at all. They say you can't polish a turd but hikaru dorodango still manages to make some aesthetically pleasing work of simple mud.

"Speaking of brands, while I certainly favor Italian brands," especially his own family's when he can find their older pieces, "I don't shop them exclusively. Primarily, yes, but I'm not going to refuse good and aesthetically appealing products out of some sense of national pride.

"There's a bidet in my private office bathroom and my bedroom's attached bathroom. I've had both almost entirely remodeled, although fortunately, as this is a luxury cruise ship, there wasn't much to be adjusted.

"I'm not interested in sports." Which is to say you're correct in that he acts like he isn't interested, but he does follow it. He's a little too busy to be watching football games on the other side of the planet all that often, but he does keep up. "And I don't hate being called Romeo. I'm used to the mispronunciation by now, although I'm really not certain when it arose considering Japanese is a phonetic language and I've never written it ro-mi-o. Like I've said before, I don't like being called Vice-Captain because it makes me sound off-brand! So I gave myself my own title that they can use instead--there is no doubt that no one here but me is Fico! The only people who have to refer to me as such are my underlings, the casino staff, and the underlings of other houses!"

"I use 'Romi-sama' and 'Ro-Ro' for him and other people use different nicknames too. Maybe that makes it seem like he doesn't like his name since he lets us call him nicknames?"

"How is that I don't refuse friendly nicknames a sign that I dislike my name, as opposed to that the company I keep tends to be people who are much too friendly for their own good!? Most of them use 'Romi' in some way anyway!"

"I'm just speculating! You are so loud all the time."

"And, finally. Of course I have things imported for me from outside of Japan. If I can afford to do it, why wouldn't I?" Especially his fancy €12 bottles of sparkling water!? "It's annoyingly expensive but I've worked out a deal with the mail room. If I can't find something here I'll simply bring it here. I won't compromise my quality of life."

Romeo sighs in exhaustion. Why did he do all of that? He could have just said no, really! But instead you made him give a verbal essay on his own existence. You did it, not me. "There. Do you feel sufficiently validated or invalidated now?

[coldshrugs]

talk me down

pairing: io laithe/estinien varlineau word count: 1.8k note: this is a modern au in which io and estinien are roommates but io has been offered an orchestra chair in a city across the country; she accepts it. estinien is grumpy about it. some cursing and alcohol mentions.

There’s nothing between them—not like that anyway—so why is he bothered?

Io would be stupid not to take this opportunity. Estinien told her that much. He insisted. And when it became real, well… it was easier to be excited about an application than the acceptance.

Now it's easier to hide.

Estinien shifts his weight and the fire escape creaks, another notch in his confidence that this place is actually suitable for inhabitants. The rent is cheap and the neighbors mind their business. That's always been good enough, because Io made it home.

The sounds of her going-away party stream from the window he crawled through. He tries not to think about each second bringing tomorrow that much closer. Focuses instead on the cars a few stories below, the wail of a siren in the distance, the glittering lights and warm breeze and none of it works.

Two years in this apartment together, a few years of therapy and studying and feeling each other out before that. “Friends” doesn’t feel like the right word, but it's the word he's got. The word they use.

Tomorrow he will take her to the airport and watch her fly east, and that will be that.

“Hey,” she says, more question than greeting. Io is already halfway through the window by the time Estinien turns around. “I thought you’d be out here. Everything okay?”

Last he saw her, she and their friends were getting a little rowdy during a drinking game, making the kind of memories he isn’t ready to accept as only memories. Each time she laughs, it’s a reminder this is finite. This isn’t how his life will be next week, or six months from now, and will they even be in contact next year? Just… fuck. So he came out to the fire escape (where it’s easier to hear her if he can’t see her), a reasonable behavior any of the people inside would expect from him.

Except for Io, who knew a going-away party was not his idea from the moment she walked through the door. And she knows he’s not out here just for a smoke.

Her hair has frizzed a bit with the sheer amount of body heat in their apartment. She wears an alcohol blush and a smile that says I can leave you alone if you want. But that’s the last thing he wants so he digs deep, past his natural inclination to run away.

“Just needed some air.” He lights a cigarette and leans against the rusted metal railing. An invitation if she wants it. “You know how it is. How I am.”

Io nods, and the sobering breath she takes, the mental armor she slips on to be around him right now... it kills him. He thought he was doing a decent job of keeping his sulking to himself. Her eyes flick to his, then out at the restless city as she says, “If there’s one thing I know, it’s you.”

But she decides to ignore the eggshells for now and pulls up next to him at the railing, their backs to the noisy street below and the bright lights beyond. Shoulder pressed tight to shoulder, and there's nothing between them.

They face the worn, brown-brick building. Their home. Tucked into the corner of the fire escape, Estinien catches only blurred glimpses of the party inside, but someone (Thancred) has found his guitar and a chorus of off-key voices squeeze out of the partially open window to join them in this already public hideout.

Io hums along for a line or two, then nudges him gently. “You like this song.”

“Alberic likes this song,” he corrects.

“And you like what he likes. Albie may not be your dad, but your taste in music? Something genetic about that.”

A tiny part of him wishes she would stop. That she wouldn’t put her blowout evening on pause just to stand in the dark with him. That she’d do him the service of pretending she doesn’t know his life inside and out.

But the bigger part of him is selfish.

He nudges back. “Yeah, well, you try being impressionable and depressed at fourteen, getting dragged to Blue October and Hinder shows every month. Not my fault it stuck.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Io shrugs. “It’s not just Albie, either. I like how you pick up things from people you love.”

What does he say to that?

His responses snag on "I like how you," trying to twist it into something... Something. So he takes a long drag from his cigarette and says nothing. As they stand there, listening to their friends (badly) sing this song, leaning on each other a little heavier than before, he wonders what she thinks he’s picked up from her.

The song ends in a round of cheers and whoops that cut through this little calm. Estinien shakes his head. Maybe they should go back in. He might be more fun after a couple of shots.

Next to him, Io laughs. The sound is small and out of focus, her real laugh. It’d be lost in the noise inside, so he commits to a few more minutes on this metal deathtrap.

“What?” He passes her the cigarette and she takes it without looking.

He looks though, watching the way their fingers graze, barely, handling something small and smoldering so delicately. Watches her follow some movement from inside, her smile creeping from lips to eyes until the skin on her nose wrinkles. A strand of dark hair blows across her cheek. She raises the cigarette to her mouth, pulls in a slow breath, and his smoke rolls between her lips and into the night.

She passes it back to him, still looking inside.

“Urianger just cleared the table for a tarot reading, but Tataru picked up his spread like he dealt her a hand of poker.” She mimics holding the cards, laughing again. Looks like her buzz is back, and maybe he’s catching it too. “He looks crushed. Ugh, I'll miss this. How am I supposed to do this without you guys?”

Estinien chuckles. He takes a final draw and stubs out the finished cigarette. “They'll be lost without you and you know it. You won't be left out of anything, whether you like it or not.”

“What about you?” She turns to him, breaking the line of warmth at their sides. Replacing it with a teasing smile. “Can't wait for me to go so you can finally have some peace and quiet?”

He looks through the grates under their feet, thinking about this apartment—this city—without Io: Never finding his clothes in her laundry, no surprise takeouts when he’s home late from work, not getting absorbed into her fucking obscure dramedy binge-watches. Her quiet hope, the music she radiates even in silence. The thing that’s taking her away.

How did she come to occupy so much space in his life, burning through him, like smoke in his lungs? Their friends won't be the only ones lost without her.

“That’s not true.” His lop-sided grin feels out of place in this sea of sudden nerves. Honesty has never been a difficult thing before tonight. “I’m gonna miss you like hell. I just—” he looks at her, and now he’s the one being watched. She holds him in those big, dark eyes, and maybe there is something between them. Maybe it’s always been there, dormant, or intrinsic and now he's forced to see it for what it is. “I just worry you leaving means we won’t… be like this anymore. That you won’t miss me like I’ll miss you.”

“Estinien—”

“Io—”

“Hey,” she says. Comfort, not a greeting. She surges forward, arms around his neck and waves of puffy blue hair in his face. He feels her cheek on his neck. Her breath, warmer than the night.

The railing is a  sharp pressure against his back as he wraps his arms around her, squeezing her closer. The wind moves their hair and clothes, but they stay, swaying when one repositions an arm or chin. The lights and sounds fade to nothing. There’s only this.

Estinien isn’t ready to let go when Io loosens her grip and pulls back. He hasn’t fully etched the feel of holding her this close into his memory—then there's another feeling. Io presses a kiss to his cheek, so soft he isn’t sure it’s real. She turns her eyes on him again, and his are wide with surprise.

“Estinien." Her voice is low. It shakes. "All I can think about is how I miss you already.”

She lingers, too close to the corner of his lips, arms loose around his neck. Her full weight leans against him, trusting him to hold them both upright. What the fuck is happening? He hasn’t processed her breath rushing over his mouth or her half-closed eyes when she pointedly brushes her nose against his.

He doesn’t know when he started wanting this, but good god, he does. Whether she is in the next room or two thousand miles away isn’t going to change that.

He nods. Their faces glance. There is something comforting in the way even that new touch feels natural. They hover in the almost of it all, and Estinien wonders for the first and final time what Io’s lips will feel like against his, how she tastes.

They meet, then they sink. He follows her lead, the gentle press and the beginning of a hungry rhythm. Her hand drifting from his shoulder to the nape of his neck, and he shivers at the thought of her sliding it into his hair, fingers tangled and tugging—

Glass breaks, and so does their kiss.

“Shit!” Cid’s unmistakable voice is thick and slurred.

Io bolts toward the window. “What on earth did they do?”

“Hey,” Estinien says softly. She turns back to him and when they're eye to eye, he knows she finds his meaning without the need to spell it out. She’s confused like he is, and sheepish delight brightens her expression as she waits for him. “Are we okay?”

“We’re always okay.” She climbs back into the apartment and pokes through the window again. “Now please come back inside. I don’t want to be at the party you planned if you’re not there.”

She air quotes you and planned. Estinien laughs through his nose, but even this pulls him toward her.

“Fine. Move so I can get through.”

They rejoin their friends. Tomorrow still fucking sucks. The difference is now Estinien thinks about how his life will be next week, or six months from now, and how many times he will have kissed Io by next year.

[gretavanmoon]

A Perfect Ten - Part 1

Josh x female reader - FWB

8.4k words

+ So this story started out as part of the Fidelity Series, but after a few asks for a part two, I figured why not, let's rebrand it a little bit ;) Story loosely based off of "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen

+ After befriending your coworker Josh at your new workplace, the both of you realize you need each other in more ways than one. Things might get a little cloudy as an ongoing judge of actions takes place, leaving the both of you wrapped up in a back and forth neither of you saw coming.

Warnings: Smoking, Drinking, Cursing, Drug Use, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Touching, Dirty Talk, Praise, Heavy Flirting, Oral M!receiving

New town, new job, new life. 

That’s always how things went in the movies, and every time, the girl always got her happy ending.

The idea is there, and you were beyond ready to do whatever it took to make it happen. How hard can it be, right?

After you’d managed to knock the first new off your list when you moved out of your ex’s house and to the next city over, the “job” part was next in line. After a week of filling out applications, you finally landed on the perfect selection, a serving job at Angelo’s Pizza.

You’d started this new job about about three months ago, and you finally felt like you were getting your footing with the flow of things. You’d been a server for as long as you could remember, but getting used to a new restaurant with new people and new menus and management could sometimes prove to be difficult. You were handling it with as much grace as you could, and the money was killer, so you stuck it out.

“You coming to the bar with me tonight?” your new favorite coworker, Josh asked as he stared into the kitchen from the expo window, rolling a pile of round coasters across the countertop. 

“Mmmh…” You mumbled under your breath. “I dunno, I’ve been here since lunch and my feet are absolutely killing me.”

”Ugh don’t be such a prude, Y/N,” he responded, taking a pepperoni and cheese in one hand, and a supreme in the other. “We’ll be sitting down the whole time. Ya know. In barstools.”

“Shut the fuck up,” you teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “I guess so, but I can’t stay out late like last weekend. I open tomorrow.”

“Oooo, a clopen. That sucks. Well, I don’t. So I can get drunk, and you can watch me.” He flashed you a giant smile before taking off with the pizzas in hand, disappearing into the sea of people seated in the crowded restaurant.

Josh had befriended you on your very first day, comforting you after your manager harshly scolded you for ringing something in incorrectly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he’d said as you pouted in the chilly walk-in. “I still fuck my shit up all the time. The cooks don’t really care, plus if you mess somethin’ up, we get to eat the fucked up pizza.” That was the only thing he said to you the entire day, but it really stuck with you, immediately making you feel a lot better about your tiny mistake. 

Now, after a few months of working side by side with Josh, you’d actually gotten to know each other fairly well, and you’d even go as far as calling him one of your good friends. You’d managed to get to know all your coworkers on a surface level, but Josh actually took the time to listen to you when you spoke, and showed real interest in the things you had to say, no matter how menial. 

He was cute, and around the same age as you, but there was something about Josh that you couldn’t put your finger on. It was something that struck you, making him stand out from the rest of the guys you worked with. His aura pulled you in, and the way his eyes sparkled in the neon that covered the walls of the restaurant didn’t help the fact that he sometimes made your heart skip a beat. You decided that it was just his looks, though, catching you off guard every once in a while as you were around him more. Most importantly, he made you feel welcome. Like a good friend should. 

The more you got to know Josh, the more open he became with you, and you quickly learned that his real personality outside of work was a little bit different than when you were on the clock. It’d become almost a habit, now, joining Josh at his favorite dive bar down the street when you’d both end up on the same closing schedule. It was like Groundhog Day, Josh would ask you to come out, you’d find an excuse to turn him down, but you always left Angelo’s with your hand in his as you tiredly dragged yourselves down the street. Sometimes other coworkers would join you, but it was always the two of you left shutting the bar down, joking and laughing with one another as you waited for your Ubers.

Josh was quickly becoming a norm for you. A fun, platonic norm. And though you were both flirty with one another, it never felt as though it would go past anything but that. Just friends. And you were very content with that. 

So tonight, as things wound down and the patrons closed out their tabs, you felt as if you really could use a nightcap or two to reward yourself for not making even one mistake on your orders today.

As you tied the oversized trash bag closed, you met eyes with Josh as he skillfully swiped the mop across the sticky, sauce-covered floor. 

He grinned when he saw you looking, making your stomach drop. “What?” He asked, biting his lower lip in as he staved off a full-on smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you roped me into going out again tonight,” you said with faux aggravation.

Josh sucked in his teeth as he plopped the mop back into the big yellow bucket, rolling it over to where you stood. “Actually, I asked you out with me for another reason. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna get absolutely shit hammered, tonight.” His tone was serious rather than silly, and you instantly felt like something was wrong.

“What’s the other reason?” You pressed, lifting the bag from the can. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head and swallowed, opening the double doors to the kitchen to go and dump his bucket. You followed closely behind him with your trash. 

“Eh, not really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there. Let’s lock this bitch up.” He flashed his eyes to the floor as he spoke, which was unlike him. He always spoke with such confidence and effortless ease that his dismissal of looking you in the eye struck you as strange. 

The two of you finished up your closing tasks and said goodnight to the line cooks, grabbing up your things from your lockers and stuffing your aprons back inside. Josh was quiet the whole time, again striking you as out of the ordinary. You hadn’t known Josh long, but you did know him well enough to know that something was off, and he wasn’t handling it well.

“Think I’m going straight for liquor tonight,” he said as you walked arm in arm down the crowded sidewalk to the bar. He tilted his head back, blowing a puff of air above you as if he was trying his hardest not to cry.

“Damn,” you answered. “You must really be going through it, friend.” It was also unlike Josh to drink liquor; each time you were around him, he’d always chosen draft beer. 

You both stepped inside the dimly-lit dive bar, letting the old smoky smell and sticky floors envelop you in their right-at-home feeling. You both took up camp on two stools at the end of the bar, closest to the back wall. The bartender Roy approached you, throwing down two bar napkins in front of you as you got comfortable in your seats. 

“Evenin’, guys. Sex on the Beach andddd, Josh, we’ve got a Kolsch and a pale ale on tap, and also a—“

“Jack Daniel’s. Neat, please,” Josh interrupted Roy, causing him to contort his face with surprise. 

“Been waiting on you almost five years and never known you to drink liquor. But, alright…” Roy responded as he left for a minute, returning and placing your drinks in front of you. “I’ll keep the tab goin’.”

It was silent between the two of you for the first couple of minutes, both of you sipping your drinks as you relaxed your muscles from the long workday. Finally, you decided you would have to be the one to speak first, for once. 

“Okay, spill. What’s got you on the hard stuff tonight?” you asked, turning to face Josh in your stool. 

He leaned on his elbow, his tight black t-shirt squeezing his toned arm just right. “I got dumped last night.” 

You felt your eyebrows jump to your forehead. “What?! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Josh…I didn’t even know you had a—“

“Nah, it’s okay. I could kinda tell shit was going sideways, anyway, ya know? Almost expected it. But, still doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He disconnected his eye contact, tilting his glass back all the way and finishing off the last bit of his whiskey. 

You were almost stunned speechless. You hadn’t seen Josh show any emotion that even came close to sadness before, and you struggled with how you were going to react. 

Roy brought the bottle of Jack over, filling Josh’s glass with another two fingers. Roy gave you a quick look of intrigue, questioning Josh’s actions in the same way that you were.

“How long were you together?” you asked, tiptoeing with caution, given that he might not want to go into much detail. 

“Four and a half years,” he said blankly. 

“My god, are you serious?!” you choked out with disbelief. 

He nodded hard as he kept his eyes trained on the bar in front of you, spinning his stool in tiny tight circles. “Yeah. Long time.” He sipped his drink again. 

“I really am sorry, Josh. That’s a long time to be with someone for it to just...” you placed a hand on his arm as you spoke. 

He crossed his arms in front of him. “Yeah, it’s fucked,” he growled, leaning back in his stool. 

“You wanna talk about it?” you asked. 

“No, that’s why we’re here.” He slammed his hands on the bar top, motioning for Roy to refill your already almost empty cocktail. 

Roy brought your new drink over, stirring the drink with the tiny straw for you. Josh lifted his glass into the air, forcefully clinking it against yours. “To moving on!” He said, finishing the drink off once again. 

——

An hour or so later, you and Josh had managed to find yourselves significantly intoxicated again, engaged in a deep passionate debate. 

“Ever since they banned smoking indoors, the American bar scene has been fucked!” Josh drunkenly yelled overtop of the loud music and large crowd that had joined you inside the bar. 

You had to laugh. “Josh, not everybody loves breathing that shit in! It makes some people really sick!” you challenged. 

“Ah, hell. You come into a bar, you expect to be around smoke, all there is to it. All there is to it!” He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders in defiance of your argument. 

“You can go outside and smoke, Josh. Easy as that. Just get over it!” The two of you were glassy-eyed and giggly, feeling your liquor take hold of you as you talked. Josh brought about a warmth in you that you’d never experienced before, and you’d be lying if you said your…attraction? to him wasn’t amplified when you were drunk. 

No, not attraction. 

Something else…

You had no idea what to label the feeling, because you’d never felt it ever before. You took it in stride, though, embracing the completely new emotion as it came. It was almost like you craved his attention, and fed off of him engaging with you. You wanted to please him, but not in such a way that was sexual. 

…You didn’t think. 

No. You just craved his recognition. Wanted his eyes on you and no one else. Wanted to make him laugh, be the one who made him forget about everything else. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was a matter of possessiveness. You wanted to protect him like a best friend. And anyone who dared cause him unhappiness would have to deal with you. 

‘Is this insane thinking?! Am I crazy for this?’ You drunkenly asked yourself as you washed your hands in the bar bathroom sink, giving yourself a disapproving look in the mirror. Probably, maybe…but he seems to feel the same about you... You had noticed that the second you’d inadvertently struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar, Josh quickly stole your attention away again, bringing up a whole new topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the last. 

He charmed you. Drew you in. Challenged your thoughts and opinions…made you talk like you’d never talked before. Laugh like you’d never laughed. 

“You’re really smart, Y/N. I didn’t really notice that about you, before,” Josh smiled as he leaned over toward you on the bar. His cheeks were tinted the prettiest pink from the alcohol, his eyes twinkling from the flash of the old TV above you.

“Uhh, thanks, I guess?” you chortled, feigning being offended. 

“No I mean, you surprise me. Keep me guessing, every time I turn around. Never had a friend like that before. I’m usually so bored with everyone I meet. You make me like, think. Ya know?” He explained as you nodded sweetly in understanding. You knew you were blushing. 

“Last call!!” You heard Roy yell across the still-crowded room. You made blurry eye contact with Josh again. 

“Damn, we didddit agin,” you stammered. “Let me pay, you’ve had a hard couple’a days.” 

“No no no, no you don’t. I asked you here, my treat. Plus, my drinks were fuckin’ pricey tonight.”

“But Josh, let me treat you, for once...” You jutted your bottom lip out as you begged him. You watched as his eyes landed on your lips, stealing his attention again. Suddenly, you felt excited. 

“Alright, alright. But I’m leavin’ the tip,” he agreed. “I just needed some sympathy…that’s all I wanted tonight.”

“And you got it, didn’t you? You forgot all about your messy breakup?”

“For the most part, yes,” he laughed. “But I like to look at the long run, ya know? Like to take each step, one by one. Let myself live in the sadness, as long as it helps me heal.”

You scoffed as you signed your name on the receipt and pulled your coat on. “Psh, Josh, didn’t you just cheers me and say ‘to moving on’?”

He stood from his stool, wrapping his right arm around your neck tightly. The smell of his cologne mixed with the remnants of pizza filled your senses, temporarily making you dizzy as he squeezed you in his grip. 

“I did, Y/N, I did. But I’m also drunk, now. Sooo. And also, I don’t really wanna go home yet. ‘M gonna walk you to your Uber then hit up Chauncey’s…they stay open ‘til 2.”

You turned in his grasp, your face within inches of his as he still held you tightly. “Don’t go back out, Josh. No sense in drinkin’ your sorrows away by yourself.” It felt like you were outside of your own body; all you wanted was to go home and strip down and crawl into bed, but for some reason, your mouth told Josh that apparently you didn’t want to go home, either. “Come back to my place. We’ll have one more drink, and we can share the blunt that TJ gave me yesterday.”

“TJ? The line cook?” Josh seemed surprised. “You letting strangers give you drugs now, Y/N?”

“He’s hardly a stranger, Josh. Why, you jealous?” You teased, while also testing the waters of what the hell this feeling the two of you apparently shared could actually be. 

“Fuck no, I’m not jealousss. I’m…I…” Josh opened his mouth, but nothing came out after that. “I don’t know, I just—“ You were still tightly wrapped up in the crook of his elbow, his face so close to yours that you could smell the liquor on his breath as he struggled to speak, his hooded eyes bouncing around the room as he slurred. 

You decided to save him. “It’s alright Josh. You don’t have to come over. I’ll smoke it allllll by myself…” you sneakily wrapped your arm around his back, giving it a couple playful pats. 

He looked down at you through his lashes, his jaw clenched tightly together as he pressed his mouth to your ear. “You really want me to come over?”

You nodded. “I do. Come on, it’ll be fun.” More than anything, you wanted him to know you were the reason he had such a good night, and the reason he was able to forget about his breakup.

“Okay, jackass. You talked me into it. Let’s go get high.” He released you from his grasp as you confirmed your Uber on your phone, and your overwhelming satisfaction of claiming his attention again propelled you out the door. 

——

“Cute place. You decorate it yourself?” Josh teased as you both entered your apartment. It was only half-decorated and you hardly had any furniture, spending most of your days working and saving up money to finish furnishing it. 

“Shut up, dick head!” You shoved him backwards as he laughed. “I haven’t finished making it cute yet.” You pulled the bottle of liquor from the cabinet, shaking the little bit that was left. “I know you’ve been drinking whiskey, but…vodka’s all I’ve got.”

“Ah, it’ll work.” Josh responded, plopping down on your couch. “M’already fucked with a hangover tomorrow, might as well do it up.” You caught sight of his pretty light brown curls sitting on top of his head, and you felt another rush of that strange excitement soar through you. 

You made the two drinks and joined him on the couch, pulling the blunt up under your nose as you breathed in its earthy scent. Josh took the drink from your hand, raising his eyebrows as he watched you smell the rolled marijuana. 

“TJ usually has good shit, I will say,” he winked, sipping his drink. 

You pulled your feet up underneath you on the couch, scooting yourself closer to him. “Thought you said I shouldn’t take drugs from strangers…”

“I never said you shouldn’t, I just meant that next time you should get your weed from me.” He spoke without a care, taking the blunt from your hand and bringing it to his own nose. 

“Ah, well I was unaware I could do that, Joshua.” You snatched it back from him, taking the lighter from the table in front of you and lighting the end of the blunt. You inhaled the smoke slowly, noticing that Josh hadn’t responded to you. 

You glanced at him, finding the most devastating half smile on his face. You swore you felt your skin tingle. 

“Did you just call me by my government name, Y/N?” He whispered, leaning his head down to you. 

You exhaled the smoke you didn’t realize you were holding, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you mad about it?”

You passed him the blunt. “Nah, kinda liked the way it sounded, actually.” You watched as his lips made a perfect O around the tip of the blunt, and you found yourself wondering what kind of lip balm he used to get them to look…like that…

You felt your eyes grow heavy as your first hit found you, the THC entering your system quickly. Josh must have noticed, as he giggled at your appearance. “Told you TJ had good shit.”

“I swear to god I’m already fuckin’ high…” you laughed, taking another big hit. 

“Mmm, no baby, you’re crossed. But not all the way. Yet.” Josh’s voice was gritty and buttery all at the same time. And the fact that he called you baby had you feeling that same feeling again. He calls everybody baby, though…all the girls at work…you’re not special. 

The two of you sat and smoked until the blunt was a roach, and the air around you was thick with haziness. Your entire body was heavy and floaty, and you swore you could feel the blood pumping through your extremities. The conversation with Josh was so easy, so effortless, and the way the two of you held the complete attention of one another continued to astound you. 

“So tell me about you. What’s your real story?” Josh asked, the both of you sitting facing one another completely, now. 

You sipped your vodka drink. “What do you mean, real story?”

“I only know a little bit about you, where did you come from? What’s in your past?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, believe it or not, Josh, I kinda just got broken up with recently, too.”

“No way, you’re kidding. When? What happened?” He pressed. 

“Ahh, about a month before I started at Angelo’s. I’m from about twenty miles away, up north a bit. Came here looking to start completely fresh. Still close enough to my family, if I need them. Ya know…” you trailed off. Josh’s eyes were telling you to continue. 

“I got dumped, too. After a year of being with him. I thought we were serious, but apparently not. It didn’t hurt me too bad, I’m alright. Liking my new life pretty well, actually.”

Josh dramatically leaned back on the couch cushion, throwing his free hand over his face. “Ugh, god…how embarrassing. You handled bein’ dumped like a goddamned rockstar. I’m over here down in the dumps.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Josh. Four and a half years is a lot longer than one…”

“You’re right, I guess.” He sat back up, bringing his attention back to you. “So what was his reason? What was his last straw?” He asked, moving his face closer to yours. Your body was vibrating from the alcohol and the weed, and the presence of Josh sitting so close to you on your couch. You were positively buzzing. 

“He uh, didn’t really give me one. Just said it was over,” you whispered, feeling your emotions flying all over the place. Josh’s hand reached up, twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. “He also said I was a bad kisser, or something stupid.”

Josh winced at your words. “A bad kisser? I highly doubt that, Y/N…” 

“And why do you doubt that?” You giggled. 

“Because. I have a hard time taking my eyes off your lips, I can only imagine how hard it would be to take my lips off of them…” he smirked a little, laughing through his nose. 

“You’re fuckin’ stoned,” you laughed, leaning your face onto his hand. 

“And? I speak nothing but the truth, baby.”

“Mmmhm, yeah. Shut up,” you complained. 

“I’m serious. I bet you really are a good kisser. That guy was just…stupid.”

“Maybe I’m a horrible kisser, how would I ever know?” You shrugged, feeling your body about to jump out of your skin simply from having this conversation with Josh. 

He held his first two fingers up, motioning for you to come here. “Come on. Show me how you like to kiss.” 

“What?! No, I’m not gonna do that,” you blushed, pulling away from him with shyness. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m just trying to judge your kissing skills. I’ll be completely honest with you, tell you if that guy was right or not,” Josh said, holding his hands out to the sides. 

You stopped, staring at him through your slit eyelids, trying to figure him out. He met you with sincere eyes, and though you were both extremely intoxicated, you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. 

“I’m serious. Just kiss me,” he ordered matter of factly. “S’no big deal.” 

You took a deep breath, feeling the air surrounding you heavy with normalcy, but also heavy with yearning. 

You slowly pulled yourself in closer to him, gently wetting your lips as your mind went back and forth on whether or not to do this. Your breath became a little chopped, nerves bursting through the wall of your drunken carelessness. 

Finally you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your hands naturally shot up to cup his jaw. He clenched it, his eyes falling heavy again as his breath caught. Your heart was absolutely pounding from your chest being in this close proximity with him. 

“Do it,” he whispered. “Show me.”

You finally let your lips press gently to his, your hands still cupping his jaw, as his hands sat comfortably in his lap. The feeling of them was exactly what you had imagined. Soft, supple, and sweet, with the tiniest bit of sting on them from the leftover liquor. You finally exhaled, pulling away a bit to gauge his reaction. 

“You can get into it, baby,” he smiled, urging you to push through your nerves. “I’m just here to help, s’just me…” his voice was like honey, the sound of it tearing through your body as he motivated you. 

You leaned in again, this time letting yourself be a little more brazen, a little more steadfast as you worked to prove your ex wrong. Worked to impress Josh. Worked to show him. You opened your mouth a little, letting your tongue skirt across his bottom lip. The flavor of him almost knocked you down. 

You began to get into it some more, letting your high take over, and letting your guard down as you found yourself really, really enjoying kissing him. You perched up a little bit, moving to your knees to get a better stance. 

“Mmmhmm… keep goin’ baby…” Josh mumbled when you broke away for a second. His words urged you on, and you felt brave enough to push your tongue further into his mouth, but only a little. You didn’t want to overwhelm, just experiment. His tongue met yours in the process, tasting each other for the very first time. 

Your hands curled up in his hair, squeezing at the roots a bit. He let out a little whine, so quiet that you almost didn’t even hear it. It ignited something inside you again, and you knew you had to drive it home. Had to prove yourself. You pulled away for a second, hissing in air as you bit his bottom lip, pulling it out a little and making eye contact before pressing into him again, both of you moving in such unison that you were fully involved in the sultry kiss, now. 

At this point you felt like you were teetering on the thin line of platonic kissing; you were still trying to prove yourself, but also…he tasted so good…

You felt the need to be touched. You reached down and grabbed Josh’s wrists, pulling them up to rest on you- one hand on your thigh, and the other around the back of your neck. You wanted reciprocation. He obliged, and as you licked into his mouth, his hand squeezed into your thigh, strong and needing. His fingers felt like burning embers on your leg, and you wished that you had changed into shorts when you got home. 

His hand pulled at the back of your neck, burying your mouths further into one another for a few seconds as you watched his brow furrow, his eyes peeking open just a little to take you in. 

“Fuck, baby…he was wrong, you proved him so wrong…” Josh said, smiling against your lips as he delved back in. Your mind was swimming from his words of praise, and you decided that though this was simply an act between friends, you knew that you could kiss him all day long, never tiring of the feeling of his lips on yours. You were completely surrounded by him, by his warming presence. His scent, his sounds, his touch… It was all too much. You felt like you were drowning in him, but you didn’t dare try to pull yourself from his waters. 

Your hands squeezed at his hair one last time as you let them drift down his cheeks and neck, tickling the back of it before rolling across his shoulders. You slowly brought them down to his pecs, and finally rested them on his cheeks again, pulling his face away from yours for a split second before landing one last peck. 

When you finally disconnected, you took in the sight of him…hair disheveled, eyes black and glazed, and his hands still rested gently in the places that you put them. 

“Holy fuck…” he breathed. 

“Oh my god, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? He was right, I’m a horrible kis—“ you were completely cut off by Josh’s lips on yours again, this time forcefully pulling you into him. This kiss was pleading, unbridled, and wanting, and each time you pulled away, you both were panting with want. 

“What the fuck are we doing?” You breathed when you broke away. 

“Kissing contest,” he answered, his hand respectfully staying on the back of your neck. “I think I’m winning, though…” 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that…” you said with a bit more confidence in yourself after seeing how you made him feel. 

“Yeah you’re right,” he agreed through an inhale. “You’re kicking my ass at this experiment.” He drove his tongue into your mouth again, but it didn’t make you want to retract…it made you want to pull it in further. You began to feel the heat that the two of you were emanating, and the sweat that was forming on your skin. 

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on, but you would never let him know that. You couldn’t. You’re just friends. One friend helping another get over his ex by having a kissing contest. Makes total sense. 

Finally you pulled away again, covering your mouth with your hand. You laughed, making Josh in turn laugh with you. “Well? What’s the verdict? Was he right?” You asked. 

“Fuck no, he wasn’t right. You’re a hell of a kisser, Y/N.” Josh’s smile stretched all the way across his face, completely blissed out in his high. His hand came up to shyly wipe at his eyes as he huffed a breath. “God damn, you left me a panting mess, baby.”

Your heart stopped at his words, feeling more confidence in yourself than you’d felt in a long, long time. Suddenly, the wildest idea to ever come across your mind escaped right through your lips. 

“Josh, we’re just good friends, right?” you asked. 

“Yeah, baby. Real good friends,” he wiped his hand across his mouth before extending both arms across the back of your couch. 

“Do you—do you care if I finish what I started?” you asked in an absolute moment of weakness. The look on his face turned up into surprise, and you weren’t sure how he was going to react to your question. 

“What uh, what do you mean, Y/N?” 

You moved toward him again, wanting to feel him again. Feel his hands on you again. Be the center of all his attention again. 

“Can you judge something else for me, Josh? I’ve always wondered how well I…performed…and who better to be the judge than my very good friend? Who will be completely honest with me?” 

WHO even are you?! You felt like a person outside your own body. The confidence he was giving you was…

“This ain’t no way to treat the broken-hearted, baby…” he replied, his voice a soft breath of air as his head lulled backwards. You paused again, unsure how to take him. “But I’ll be your judge…”

“Really? You will?” You asked, feeling vulnerable, but also wanting to show out for him. 

“Mhm. If that’s what you really want…” He bit his lower lip into his mouth, letting his eyes fall onto your lips like they had been doing all night. 

“Just friends…” you reiterated. 

“Just friends,” he parroted, lightly tapping your cheek with his hand. 

This was absolutely something you never did, and definitely wasn’t something you could ever even see yourself doing with Josh, of all people. You were supposed to be making him forget about his ex, letting him talk through it… hell, he was just dumped twenty-four hours ago. But there was something other-worldly spurring you on, whispering in your ear to just do it. And he was letting you. Was it wrong? Maybe, probably… but honestly, where was the harm in it? You were both obviously into each other, and as long as you were just making each other happy, you didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Besides, this new need to make him think about nothing but you at every single second was making your head spin, and you wanted his focus completely on you, right now. You moved to press your lips to his again, letting things naturally heat up so that you could continue on with your intentions. You took a deep breath, confidently removing yourself from the couch, placing yourself in the floor in front of him. It was at this second that you were extremely thankful for your liquid courage, and the fact that you were too stoned to care about much else besides pleasing Josh. He almost made it easy. 

“Ten,” Josh said out of nowhere. 

“What?” you asked. 

“I give your kissing a ten out of ten. Seriously,” he said, smiling from the corner of his mouth as he ran his hand along your arm, peering down at you as you kneeled on the floor. 

You felt your face turn beet red, and you halfway didn’t really believe him. 

“Stop playing, you don’t have to be nice,” you erred.

“M’not just being nice. Seriously, I rate it a ten,” he stated, and you knew by the sincerity in his voice that he was telling the truth.

“Wow. Didn’t expect that, honestly,” you pulled a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you gonna finish what ya started, or not?” There was a darkness in his tone that you hadn’t noticed yet, and it made your stomach turn over with nerves. But even more so, it lit a fuse in your chest that was slowly burning, ready to explode at any given second. And with each passing minute, you wanted to impress him even more. 

You maneuvered yourself on your knees, gripping his thighs and pulling them apart so that you could place yourself between them. Your hands stayed there on his legs, squeezing and kneading at his muscles as you moved your hands closer and closer to where you both really wanted them to be. You could almost physically see him getting harder through his dark jeans, and you could hear his breathing picking up, too. 

You let your hands drift to his groin, squeezing the muscles there as he leaned down in his seat, giving you extra space as his head fell back on the cushions. You found the button on his jeans, pulling the fabric sideways and undoing the button with one hand and unzipping the zipper. 

“Damn, alright…” Josh laughed, holding his hands up. “Show off.”

You took that as a tiny win, and decided to keep it going, playing on his words from earlier. ‘You keep me guessing at every turn…’

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders, and leaned yourself down, letting your mouth meet his boxer-covered dick. You nipped your teeth lightly at it, making him hiss. You could tell just from this little bit of contact that he was well-endowed, and you felt your mouth physically watering for him. You needed to taste him. Your lips bounced around, peppering little kisses all over… the indirect contact making his hips jut up a little. 

You sat back, motioning with your hands. “Pull them down for me,” you demanded of him, and he gave you the sneakiest smirk, leaning back and pushing his pants and boxers down far enough to spring himself free. 

You weren’t wrong. He was perfectly sized, and it reassured you that you were okay with going forward with this. What you did notice, though, was he wasn’t as hard as you wanted him to be. Your hands rested on his thighs again as you sized him up, licking your lips as you prepared yourself. 

Josh had been the one urging you on all night, but suddenly, it felt like there had been a little bit of a shift. You finally brought your moistened lips to him, licking little circles around his tip, starting slowly at first, then picking up a little bit of speed. You swirled and gently suckled, and you felt him take in a big breath of air into his lungs. You glanced up at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling as he bit his lips. 

“What’sa matter, Josh? You okay?” you pressed, knowing that you could stop at any second, if that was what he wanted. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just… this is the first time someone else…since…” he didn’t need to say anything more.

“God, yeah. I’m sorry, your breakup is so fresh, I’m sure this is more mental than anything, for you…” you agreed as you sat back. “We don’t have to–”

“No. Yes we do, Y/N. I’m just…” You could tell Josh was having a hard time with his words again, for the second time tonight. 

“Just what? You can tell me…” you tried comforting him, placing your hands lower on his knees.

He swallowed, placing a sweet hand on the side of your face. “This is the first time I’ve um…been…with a woman…in a very long time.”

“Oh,” you muttered, his sentiment catching you off guard a little. You hadn’t realized you never even asked the name of his ex, let alone any details about the relationship.

“But it’s okay, Y/N,” he smiled, letting his thumb brush your cheek. “I may be wallowing in my sorrows, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this, want you to do this. Just…in my head a little bit,” he admitted, putting a hole through your heart.

You sighed. “It doesn’t feel wrong?” Your voice was tiny as it escaped you. 

He quickly shook his head side to side as he layed back on his elbow behind his head. “No. That’s what’s making me freak out a little, it doesn’t feel wrong in the least,” he swallowed. “Maybe I…Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought I was.”

You smiled a pitiful smile as you rested your elbows on his knees, taking a deep, recentering breath of your own as the heavy air fell silent around you.

“You’re really fuckin’ pretty, Y/N,” he complimented you out of the blue, his thumb still grazing your cheek. “And I’m really into you.”

“You are?” you asked.

“Yeah. I know we said we’re friends, but friends can do this. Right? Doesn’t stop the fact that I’m attracted to you.” His glossy words made your stomach do flips again as you realized maybe his feelings were the exact same as yours. Unexplainable, but still overwhelmingly good.

“Yeah. I really think friends can do this,” you agreed. And you were serious. If you were going to be this person for Josh, then he could also in turn be this person for you. 

“Plus, the feeling of your lips on my cock just now…” He laughed through his nose. “Might be in competition with your ten out of ten kissing. And you hadn’t even shown me what they could do, yet.” He stopped there, biting both his lips into his mouth as he slid his hips down again, cocking an eyebrow. 

Good god, you’d hoped he would have a little bit of a dirty mouth. 

“You want me to keep going?” You asked. 

“Fuck yeah, I do. I gotta judge your skill, don’t I?” He played, removing his hand from your cheek and running it through your hair. He gripped it a little, making you stiffen your neck. Your eyes flashed to his, and you didn’t even need to say anything, he knew what you meant. He nodded, giving you the go ahead, and you prayed that he wouldn’t remove his hand from tangling up in your hair. 

You slowly leaned down to him again, starting things up just as you had before. Your tongue swirled on his tip, wetting it in circles as you let the saliva build up in your mouth. Around and around you took it, descending further and further onto him with every rotation. You heard him breathe out, his hips shaking a little beneath you. As you got as far as you could get, you pursed your lips down, tightening them around the base of his dick before sucking hard, pulling up and off of him completely. His hand tightened in your hair, showing you that he was liking it so far. 

He let out a groan, followed by a little laugh. “Fuck yeah, Y/N…”

You quickly found a rhythm, letting your head begin to bob as you worked your tongue and cheeks, alternating forceful suction mixed with light little pops of your lips. His hips were jutting with every movement, and the sounds that were coming from him were enough to keep you going, keep you striving to impress him…

You took him in your hand, gripping at the base and using the saliva that had dripped down as lubrication to move your hand, twisting and pumping it. “Jesus Christ, you’re…” 

You took a second to glance up at him, seeing his jaw tightly clenched and his chest heaving with labored breaths. He brought his other hand down, pulling the hair that had drifted down away from your face, pulling it all back to the nape of your neck and holding it tightly there. You nodded, letting him know you were okay with him guiding your movements. 

“Mhm,” you hummed on him. “Show me how you like it.”

He let out a choke of breath and readjusted in his seat, spreading his legs wider for you. He gripped a little harder on your hair, pulling you up and across his stomach, your faces almost touching as he brought his mouth close. He didn’t say anything, just hissed through his teeth as he scanned over your face. He then used a little bit of force to push your head back down to where it was, and you resumed your work. 

Fuck, what the hell is happening… your chemistry with Josh was absolutely off the chain. You felt like you would follow every command he would ever give you, let him use you in the worst ways, completely trusting him to do as he pleased. You were absolutely yearning to satisfy him. 

“I’ll show you exactly how I like it baby, but this is your show, remember? You’re calling the shots…” he growled, his voice deeper and more grating than it was earlier. You shrugged one shoulder, replacing your hand around his base. You moved it up and down opposite of your mouth, making his whole body start to shake. Your tongue worked on him, as your mouth drifted down as far as it could possibly go, with the help of Josh’s light guidance.

The weed had contributed to your slow, languid movements while the alcohol made your inhibitions fly out the window… the beautiful combo of the crossfade sending you both into a blurry and slow-motioned entanglement. You swore you could listen to his noises and praises on repeat as they dripped from his lips, quiet and comforting, as devious as they were.

“So fuckin’ pretty, Y/N… so fuckin’ pretty…” he mumbled, lightly thrusting himself into your mouth as your neck began to ache a little. “Slow and steady, just like that…”

He puffed out a quick breath with a blow of his lips, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. Normally, you would finish up the job, and expect repayment, but getting Josh to even feel the tiniest bit of pleasure at your hand was enough. It was that draw, that need to make him feel good. Keeping him and him only in the spotlight. And if you had to guess, you were doing a pretty good job at it.

After a few seconds, his movements became jostled, and his once slow grinding movements started to falter. You felt him start to throb in your mouth, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until he was crumbling beneath you, all at the mercy of your mouth. 

“Hey, you want me to–” he said, suddenly shuddering. 

You nodded again, pleading with him to let it all go. You wanted the whole thing, wanted him to have the full experience. You needed to see what he tasted like. 

His breath started to pick up as he gripped your hair tighter, his hips pushing his dick further into your mouth as you let him graze the back of your throat, tears pouring from the sides of your eyes. “Come on baby, come on… just a little bit longer…fuck…” 

Finally, he was letting it all go, filling up your mouth as you swallowed his bitter-sweetness down, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. His whole body went rigid as he came, shaking and jerking as you worked to make sure not a drop was left behind. You squeezed your hand around him, pulling him up into your mouth. His whines were like music to your ears, pathetic and pitiful as he worked to come back down to earth. 

“Son of a bitch, Y/N… that was…” he said as you sat back up, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. He caught your jaw in his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to open your mouth. He pulled you closer, bringing you in for a heated kiss that left you smoldering for him. 

When you finally pulled away, you met eyes with him, and you could tell he was completely blissed out. “S’been a long time since I’ve had anything like that.” He admitted, pulling your back up to sit by him on the couch again. 

He tucked himself back in his boxers but decided to forgo buttoning back up. “Really? Even in a four and a half year long relationship?” you asked. 

“Ah, I dunno. We were long distance, so… it was few and far between but. Really I meant being with someone who actually showed passion about making me feel good. You know what I mean?”

You couldn’t help but smile. That was exactly what you wanted out of this. For Josh to feel that you wanted to be there. 

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I just…wanted to make you feel good,” you admitted, shrugging one shoulder up as you brushed your disheveled hair back into place. “So, what’s my rating, huh? Give it to me straight.”

Josh closed one eye and looked up with the other as if he was thinking really hard. “Uh, nine and a half.”

Your mouth fell slack, and you felt the soreness in your jaw joints. “Ah! Why the half?!” you argued. “Not a ten?”

He chuckled. “Would be a ten, but I only took away the half because I know that I won’t be able to feel you like that all the time.” You both stared at one another as you let his words sink in. 

Could you, though?

“And because I feel like you were holding back, a little. Weren’t you?” he pressed. His statement took you by surprise, because he was right. 

“...Maybe…”

“You shouldn’t have. It’s just me, remember. Guess you’ll have to show up and show out next time. See if you can get a perfect ten,” he said with nonchalance. 

“Next time?” you spat without a thought. 

He shrugged, squeezing his hand around your thigh. “Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation we’re both comfortable with… no strings attached type thing…”

You ran over the idea in your head, not really seeing anything wrong with it. You nodded, agreeing with his outlandish proposal.

“But, there is one thing, Y/N,” he swallowed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Obviously I… um. I didn’t make you feel good, tonight. But, just give me some–”

You cupped your hand over Josh’s mouth. “Josh, honey, shut up. You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand, and it’s okay. If we’re gonna do this, it's all gonna be in good fun, right?”

He nodded from behind your hand. “Right,” he mumbled. 

“And I certainly didn’t feel uncomfortable with you, so. I’m pretty positive we could just sit here and look at each other and we would have a good time,” you laughed, pulling your hand from his face. He caught your hand in his, and gave it a sweet squeeze. 

“Not sure I’d be able to sit by you for too long without something happening. You’re a fuckin’ treat, Y/N. I swear.” His eyes traveled down your body again, and you watched his gears turn as his gaze drifted over your breasts. “Thank you, for tonight.”

“Thank you,” you whispered. “We still friends?”

He took your chin between his fingers. “Yeah. Good friends.”

As the air between you finally started to settle and the intoxication turned into sobriety, you realized that the night was nearly about to turn into morning. You didn’t have to be at work until 11, so you were going to be able to get at least a little bit of sleep before your shift tomorrow. 

“It’s too late to get an Uber, Josh. Just stay here,” you more demanded than suggested, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it overtop of his lap. You stood, stretching your body as you made your way toward your bedroom. 

“What, you not gonna invite me to your bed?” He asked, throwing you off. 

“Uhh, I mean, sure–”

“I’m kidding, Y/N. We’re friends. Friends don’t sleep in beds together. Friends sleep on couches.” You watched as he burrowed himself under the puffy blanket and made himself horizontal.

“Maybe one day you’ll end up in my bed.” You tossed the joke over your shoulder, walking down the short hallway. 

“And maybe one day you’ll get a perfect ten.”

xoxoxo jules

Taglist: @britney-gvf @sacredstarcatcher @wetkleenex-gvf @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @writingcold @builtbybrokenbells @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @fleet-of-fiction @milkgemini @gvfpal @ageofcj@dancingcarbon @highway-tuna @stardustjake @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @gvfmarge @gracev0609 @myleftsock @literal-dead-leaf @peaceloveunitygvf @ageofbajabule @slut4lando @jordie-gvf @sadiechar @tinydancer40 @rosabellagvf @capnjaket @lyndz2names @thetroublegetssoloud71 @gretavanomens @spark-my-nature @josh-iamyour-mama @anythingforjtk @alwaysonthemend @danieljlmwagner @klarxtr @fortunatelytinybasement @demonrat444 @gretavansara @watchingover-hypegirl @hippievanfleet @digitalnomadz @raviolilegs @lipstickitty @hippievanfleet @klarxtr @strange-whorizons @do-it-jakey-baby @myownparadise96 @gvf-luna @starshine-wagner@cassiesgreta @joopsandjangs @whimsiliz @kiszkas-canvas@whimsiliz @joopsandjangs @broken0mens @scoreofinfantryvines @whereiskeara @do-it-jakey-baby @miravanfleet @heckingfrick@gretavangroupie

[marvelsdc22]

The Call

Summary: When life and stress gets to you, you make a decision, whether it was a good decision or not is a different story.

You forgot how much you missed some of your old life until Lara showed up, these past few days were some of the best times you’ve had in a while, probably since before the whole ordeal happened “Thank you… For coming here” You thanked Lara, wanting her to know how much you appreciated her showing up like she did, smiling when she bumped her shoulder into yours “Of course, I know you’d do the same” she smiled, looking at you as the two of you sat on a beach towel.

“When do you think you’re going to come back?” Lara asked after a few moments, which got you thinking since you hadn’t really planned a day to come back and at the moment you had nowhere to stay since you and Lena had broken up “I don’t know, I have to find somewhere to stay first off and that’ll take some time” you said, resting your chin on your knee that you had pulled up to your chest.

Lara sighed as she thought, trying to think of what she could do to help, she couldn’t offer her place since it was a studio so it wouldn’t offer much space for either of you “I mean, I think my apartment complex is looking for people to rent out, I could reach out to my landlord and put in a good word for ya” she suggested, knowing it wasn’t much but it’s something that she could do for you.

“That would help a lot… I’ll probably aim to come back in a week or two, gives me time to try to get a place and if nothing else I can move back home until I get something” You said, knowing that your mom would let you move back in a heartbeat if you truly needed to “I hope to get back to school in the Spring time” you said, you having taken summer and fall off to try and recover from everything.

“I want to try to see Kara if I can, I feel so bad about what happened” you admitted, knowing it wasn’t 100% your fault but you still had a part in it no matter how small of a part it was “Hey, don’t beat yourself up on that, we were all played” Lara said, knowing she felt guilty for it as well but she knew she couldn’t let it eat her alive.

You sighed as you looked back out at the water “I know, but the guilt will always be there… She trusted me and now she’s dealing with whatever it is that she’s dealing with” you said, staring for a small moment before you sighed and pushed yourself up, dusting yourself off “Come on, lets go get you some food before your bus arrives”.

xxxxx

Standing at the bus stop, you waiting with Lara for her bus to arrive “I wish you weren’t leaving yet…” you admitted, looking at her and resting your head on her shoulder when she slung an arm over your shoulders “I know, but I only got ahead so much on my research and the real world is awaiting me… But! We’ll see each other soon when you get back” she assured, giving you a small squeeze, easing some of your nerves as you stood there.

“I know, I can’t decide if I want it to come fast or not” you said, looking at her and knowing you wanted to go back to real life but at the same time you loved this place too but you knew you couldn’t stay here forever, Lara opening her mouth to say something when you guys heard the bus rumbling towards you “We’ll see each other soon, I promise” Lara assured, turning to give you a tight, proper hug as the bus pulled up, the two of you saying your goodbyes before she grabbed her things and climbed onto the bus, leaving you standing in the small group of strangers who had just said goodbye to their friends or family.

xxxxx

The next morning, you woke up with a heavy heart as you realized you were alone in the room once more, that just confirming your want to go home so you grabbed your laptop and typed in ‘apartments for rent in National City’ so you could get started on your applications and finding something to move into when you do move back home.

After around two hours, your stomach grumbled, interrupting your train of thought as you pursued your third application for the day, sighing as you finished what you could before closing your laptop and setting it to the side “Guess it’s time for breakfast” you muttered to yourself as you stood up and stretched, feeling your stiff back crack several times before you grabbed your wallet and your phone, noticing there was a message on your phone waiting for you.

When you get the time, I would like to talk to you - Lena

When you read the message, your heart thundered in your chest, you weren’t sure if this would be a good talk or a bad talk but you knew you wanted to get it over with either way so you tapped out a response as quick as you could.

I’m available now if you’d like - You

Not two minutes after you sent that message, your phone started vibrating in your hand, Lena’s picture flashing on your screen, taking a deep breath before you answered “Hey” you breathed, feeling extreme nerves course through you as you waited for her response “Hi” Lena said, you unable to tell her mood by her tone of voice.

“You wanted to talk?” You asked, forcing you to take a seat at the uncomfortable chair in your room and your leg bouncing as you sat there “Yeah… I wanted to apologize for how I ended our last conversation… I was upset and angry” She apologized, you hearing a pen tapping on a wooden surface on the other end “You are completely valid for feeling that way, what I did was wrong and I’m so sorry, I know I could never truly make it up to you but I’m going to spend my life trying anyways” you said, knowing you truly fucked up.

You heard a small chuckle before Lena spoke “You’re not wrong, I really miss you but I’m scared to accept you back” she said, biting her lip and you hearing her chair squeak as she leaned back against it “I don’t expect you to accept me back right away, but I would love to have another chance if you’ll let me” you said, feeling some hope as this conversation went on “I think we need to have a face to face conversation before I agree to that” she said truthfully, okay fair you thought to yourself.

“I’ll be back in a week or two, I’m looking for a place to live then I’m coming back” You promised, checking the time on the clock on the wall “I… Yeah, I can wait that long” Lena said, having to stop herself from asking you to come back home, your guys home, but it wasn’t that anymore, not right now “I have to go, class starts in a few minutes… Text me?” She asked, hope rising in her voice as you smiled slightly “Of course”.

Taglist:

@unexpected-character

[taminoarticles]

— Tamino for Fucking Young!, #21 EVOLUTION / December 2022 (x)

The evolution of the music industry is always in perpetual motion and social platforms are having more impact in addition to streaming. In 2021, one of the world's bestselling singers, Adele revealed the real reason for refusing to make music for TikTok. She explained that if labels are pushing artists to make music for 14-year-olds, who will do the music for her peers? The way we consume music now is based on algorithms and trends but yes, what about being more organic and independent from social applications and platforms? This is a topic we shared and discussed with Belgian-Egyptian musician Tamino in this piece.

THE NEXT DIMENSION OF TAMINO

BY IVICA MAMEDY

Production   Fashion and Art Moroccan Association (F.A.M.A.) Photographer   Moz ERO

TAMINO-AMIR MOHARAM FOUAD known mononymously as TAMINO is the grandson of Egyptian singer and movie star MUHARRAM FOUAD and rose to fame in 2018 with his debut album “AMIR”. If at the beginning the press and fans were comparing him to JEFF BUCKLEY, quickly he pulled away these comparisons as the way he defended his music was unique. On stage, Tamino is hypnotizing and has the power to transport you to another dimension.

After a two-year social media hiatus, TAMINO came back in April 2022 with some new music and released his second record "SAHAR" this September. Once again, this album is a masterpiece and hauntingly beautiful. Before defending it on stage, we met him in Paris where we talked about how his process of making music changed during the worldwide lockdown in 2020 and his approach to using social platforms with parsimony.

THIS ISSUE IS ABOUT EVOLUTION AND HOW DID YOUR FIRST RECORD "AMIR" CHANGE YOU HUMANLY AND AS AN ARTIST DURING THIS WORLDWIDE LOCKDOWN IN 2020?

I feel like my life changed drastically in a short amount of time. I've been on tour for a very long time and I was just focused on that. Seems I gain maturity quickly. When I got back home during the pandemic, I realized how I neglected many things in my daily life and how I was more isolated on tour than during the lockdown. I took the time to see my friends and meet new people. I was evolving as a human being, not as an artist. This made me feel more comfortable writing new songs and creating was an easy and quick process.

IF THE PROCESS WAS QUICK WITH THIS SECOND ALBUM, HAS THE WAY YOU MAKE MUSIC CHANGED?

The process was still pretty similar but being alone with an instrument to find out how to create new sounds was important to me. It's about taking the proper time to create the most authentic and melodic sound.

DID THIS LOCKDOWN HELP YOU TO BE MORE OPEN AND EXPLORE MUSIC WITH NEW PEOPLE AND COLLABORATORS?

I worked with the same bunch of producers, and I also created myself as a producer on this album because I learned a lot about recording and the process to develop demos for example. I was actively part of the production which created some big inspirations in the studio. I have known the double bass player for a long time as he was living behind my counter. We were hanging out together but it was the first time we teamed up to make music. We developed the concept of a dark room for music. We were going into a room and trying to figure out which instruments we'll use to create something organic. It was a great time for exploration.

THE MAIN CONVERSION SINCE YOUR FIRST RECORD IN 2018 IS THAT THE MUSIC INDUSTRY DEPENDS A LOT MORE ON SOCIAL PLATFORMS TO BE SUCCESSFUL. I KNOW YOU ARE VERY DISCREET ON THESE PLATFORMS BUT DID YOUR LABEL RECOMMEND YOU TO BE MORE PRESENT ON TIKTOK FOR EXAMPLE?

For sure they suggested that to me as they do with other artists. I have a TikTok account but my fans know that the only account I'm taking care of is Instagram. My management helps me to update all the other social platforms so it gives me more time to enjoy Instagram in a good way. Two years ago, I deleted Instagram from my phone to avoid being distracted because enjoying pure moments is important to me. Take time to be bored and sometimes it's when you're bored that creativity comes. Now I'm back on Instagram to promote my new project and at the same time, I'm happy to discover beautiful inspirations and imagery on this app.

IT IS PART OF THE JOB OF A MUSICIAN I GUESS NOW?

Yes, but it has to be genuine….if I can give advice to younger artists who struggle on social platforms is the genuine way you communicate with your community.

THIS TWO-YEAR SOCIAL MEDIA HIATUS HELPS YOU TO CREATE THIS BEAUTIFUL NEW ALBUM. IT'S YOUR WAY TO UNVEIL YOUR INTIMATE SIDE?

It was a beautiful moment making this album. It's about maturity and those moments in the studio making these songs was a hundred percent pure. It can't explain how it was such a meaningful moment when we gave birth to "Sahar".

ANY SONG ON THIS ALBUM THAT YOU CHERISH THE MOST?

Oh man, it is so complicated to choose as they are all my babies. It depends, as my favorite song now will not be the same tomorrow. I need to start playing them to compare. The main difference with the first album was that I was already playing them live before they got released.

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOUR ALBUM IS NOT EVEN OUT AND YOUR SHOWS ARE ALREADY SOLD OUT? ARE YOU MORE CONFIDENT KNOWING YOUR FANS ARE STILL HERE FOR YOU?

It’s amazing and I’m so grateful for this to happen. I mean, there are no words to express how it is a pure recognition for an artist. We have to look at laying bigger venues so people have more change to come. I like playing in small theaters as well as in a stadium. Both can feel intimate as well as people sharing the same energy.

YOUR MUSIC VIDEOS LOOK VERY CINEMATOGRAPHIC. THERE’S ANY MOVIE WHOSE AESTHETIC REPRESENTS YOU THE MOST?

I’m a movie freak and my brother is very into aesthetic images. If I need to name a movie, I will say one of my favorite movies, The Lord of the Rings.