#apparently the person who messaged em ‘didn’t want it to be shared’

[dr-skazka]

Impressively- I’ve sorta gotten some closure on some mlp grimdarks drama that happened on an old amino I was on 6 years ago 😭😭😭

I HAVE BEEN RIGHT! HAHA! THIS IS ACTUALLY SO- fucking insane holy shit-

Because of some stuff I ended up going down a rabbit hole again and SOMEHOW found out that my ban ran out on there?? Or I’ve been unbanned???

I ended up locking back into it and HOLY HELL ITS LIKE A TIME CAPSUL BACK TO 14 YEAR OLD ME- back to when I had no problems and somehow a decent mental health 💔

I sorta reconnected with an old bud who told me that they also had no idea on what happened back then and that the reasons of the ban / violation along with the story always seemed so fishy to em 😭 especially since they took another persons and Is spot in the “proof police” and made a whole new gc-

LIKE DAMN- ALRIGHT- GOOD TO KNOW THAT WE ALL THINK HE WAS A SHITTY ADULT AND LEADER AJD THAT IT WAS MOST LIKELY FABRICATED-

Anyways- this is insane and to see my profile again like this felt unreal

I will never peak like this again 💔💔

[fangirlovestuff]

Never Too Late - Chris Evans x reader

a/n- hey lovely people!! i hope you’re all doing well:) i’ve been working on this one for a while, and i’m super excited to finally share it! because it’s Chris’ birthday, i wanted to have some fun with this, so in the story, chris says 3 things that are quotes / paraphrases of some of his characters’ quotes (like 3 things his characters said in movies lol). see if you can find all 3 of them;) enjoy<3

Summary: Romance is an illusion. Unattainable. Absolutely unrealistic. No one can have a fairytale love story. But maybe, you don't need a fairytale. You just need each other. (In which you and Chris have each given up on romance, but then you meet, and… sparks fly.)

Word Count: 9.6k (hello longest oneshot i’ve ever written!!)

Warnings: some curse words, (responsible) alcohol consumption, slight angst?? honestly it’s just obliviousness, slow burn!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

This was a waste of time.

I'm sorry, the text read, something came up. Raincheck? ;)

Douche. He was the one that asked if you could do this today instead of tomorrow, so you moved your meeting. But apparently, that didn't matter, since he wasn't planning to show up anyway.

You blocked his number, leaving your place at the bar and heading towards the exit. You were in the middle of typing out a furious message to your friend who set you up on this blind date, when you collided with someone in your path quite harshly. You rubbed your arm where you bumped into the person and gazed upwards to meet his eyes.  

"Sorry," you both said in unison.

The man let out a chuckle. "Sorry," he repeated, his amused eyes gazing into yours.

"No, I'm the one who should apologize," you said, "I wasn't looking where I was going," you lifted up your phone, gesturing to the reason.

"I'm sure it was important," he made a dismissive gesture with his hand, "don't worry about it."

"It really wasn't. Again, sorry," you grimaced.

"It's fine," he reassured you, "I was actually on my way to get another drink so it's not like I spilled anything, no harm done," he smiled.

"Well, I'm really glad. Have a good rest of your night," you smiled back. Thinking that was the end of it, you turned to continue your walk towards the exit, opening your texts to write that message to your friend, but as you were turning around the man reached out and grabbed onto your wrist, not harshly but enough to make you turn around to face him once more.

He immediately let go of your hand, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Sorry, I don't mean to intrude, it's just… you seemed kind of upset when I bumped into you, are you alright?"

You sighed, shaking your head with a smile, "I'm fine," you looked up at him, "just got ditched by this blind date. Guy didn't show, so I was writing a furious message to my friend who set me up," you chuckled, "that's why I wasn't paying attention."

"Sorry," he said with a sympathetic grimace. "So why were you writing to your friend and not to the guy? I mean, he's the one who bailed."

"No offense, but I learned not to expect as much from the male species," you smirked, and he chuckled in return. "Got bailed on one too many times to have high expectations. Honestly, I was only willing to go on this date cause my friend said this was a great guy and, according to her, I was 'on the sure road to becoming a spinster'. So, I appeased her," you shrugged. Your confession left your lips with such ease, you were almost taken aback by how easy it was to talk to this complete stranger this openly. Maybe, it was easier because you were strangers.

"Ah, I know what that's like. I mean, not the spinster part, the part about appeasing your friends," he chuckled. "They're over there," he gestured to a table a little to the back, "to 'cheer me up'. Said I needed to leave my house more. Although I don't know if they're still sober enough to remember that's why they're here," he smiled affectionately as he looked at his table. Sure enough, the guys looked pretty drunk, but the man didn't seem to resent them for it, he was just amused.

"What did you need cheering up for?" you asked once his gaze went back to meet yours.

"Well, I got dumped. We were together for a few years. I even had a ring," he raised his eyebrows, "but she said it wasn't working out anymore. At least she didn't know about the ring yet," he smiled bitterly.

"Small victories," you nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "anyway, she just finished taking the last of her stuff from ou- my place. She was really lingering with it, we broke up like a month ago. Didn't have the heart to rush her."

"I'm sorry," you put a comforting hand on his shoulder, albeit a bit awkwardly. He seemed to appreciate it anyway. "Your sob story's way worse than mine," you joked, getting a small huff of laughter out of him.

"I guess," he said. "But that means I get where you're coming from on the whole no dating thing. It just seems pointless," he shrugged.

"I'm sure this is the part where anyone else would've told you that it'll be okay and you'll find 'your person', but since I'm shittier than that I'll be honest – romance is dead and we'll both probably die alone," you said flatly.

Your blunt tone made him smile, which in turn made you smile, and you nodded as your words sank into the silence between you. You started giggling, and soon he followed, and you were both laughing softly for a while.

"I'm sorry," he said, still grinning, "I don't know why I'm laughing. It's sad."

"Very sad," you agreed, a grin on your face as well. "to be fair, spinsterhood doesn't sound that bad. Except for the cats thing. I'll never be a crazy cat lady," you shook your head, "they hate me, every single one. I'd get dogs though," you mused, "have a little army of 'em."

"Sounds fun," he smiled.

"Right?" you smiled back, "I'm telling you, it's not as bad as people make it out to be."

Wrapped up in your conversation, you were both still standing next to the bar, and another man pushed past you to get to the bartender. The bubble around the two of you exploded, and you remembered that you were still in public, at the bar.

"You should go get that drink you were here for," you said, gesturing towards the bar.

"Alright," he chuckled. Just then, the man finished ordering, so he told the bartender what he'd like to have, then turned to you.

"Hey, romance might be dead, but chivalry isn't. Let me buy you a drink," he grinned.

"Be still my beating heart," you feigned emotion, before a smile crept back onto your face. "I'll have whatever you're having," you shrugged, and waited as he told the bartender to bring you two another drink.  

"So, if you're buying me a drink, I feel like it's only fair I should know your name," you smiled.

"That does seem fair," he sent a small smile your way. "I'm Chris," he put out his hand and you shook it, telling him your name in return.

"So, you come here often?" he smirked, prompting the both of you into another fit of laughter.

"For real though," you said once you got your drinks, "I'm really not looking for anything romantic right now. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," he reassured, "I'm not either."

"Okay good cause this is like, really tasty, so I wouldn't mind having a couple more," you held up the drink he got you with a grin, making him laugh.

You did have a couple more, with Chris. You ended up sitting at the bar, his friends not really noticing he was gone, and talking about anything and everything. You were almost reluctant to end the night, but you really should get home, which is what you told Chris before getting up and getting your wallet.

"Hey, no," he said and gestured for you to put it away, "I was serious, I'll pay."

"Really? I mean, this wasn't a date so I just thought-"

He shook his head adamantly and you put your hands up in surrender and smiled. "Okay. Thank you," you told him as you put your wallet away.

"You're very welcome. Although, there is something I still want to ask you. Can I get your number?"

You opened your mouth to protest, but before you could he spoke up again.

"Nothing romantic, I swear," he chuckled, "but it was really fun hanging out tonight. We should do it again. Completely platonically." He smiled sincerely.

You narrowed your eyes in mock suspicion before laughing. "Alright. Sure, you can have my number," you said, and he grinned before giving you his phone. You put in your number and gave it back.

"See you around, Chris," you smiled before leaving the bar, the smile lingering on your face all the way back to your house.

And when your friends asked you how the date was, you told them he bailed and you went home, never mentioning meeting Chris. You knew how they'd see it, and it wasn't like that, so you just… kept it to yourself. For now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

On your way to Chris' house, you picked up the takeout from the place he told you about, before texting him you got it and you were almost there.

It's been a couple of weeks since you met him, and so far he was proving to be a great friend. You texted back and forth most days, but never found the time to meet up again, until today, that is.

You had texted him about your crappy day at work, and how happy you were this week was finally, finally over, so he invited you t his house, and suggested you watch a movie. And well, you accepted. A movie night with a friend was just what you needed to put this shitty week behind you.

"Hi," you greeted him once he opened the door.

"Hi!" he took the takeout bags from your hands and gestured for you to follow him inside, and into the kitchen. "So," he started, while taking out the food, "I realized forgot to tell you; I have a dog," he smiled apologetically, "I don't know if that's a problem, he's in my room upstairs, I won't-"

"Are you kidding?" you nearly squealed, "of course that's not a problem! I told you if I could I'd be a crazy dog lady," you giggled. "Can I meet him?"

"Great!" he chuckled at your enthusiasm, "sure, I'll go get him."

As he went upstairs, you stood there, looking around his kitchen. You weren't sure what to do, it seemed like he got all the food, and it wasn't your house, so… you just stood there.

Fortunately, you soon heard the patter of footsteps, and just as you were about to call out to Chris to ask him if there was anything you could do to help, you heard him yell out.

"Dodger!"

And just then, a big whirl of movement came towards you, and before you knew it a large dog was resting his paws on you, nearly knocking you back. You regained your footing before you crouched down to your knees with a beam.

"Hey," you cooed at the excited dog, who was wagging his tail and still trying to climb onto you, apparently. "Hey," you repeated yourself, rubbing behind his ears affectionately. "It's so nice to meet you," you kept cooing and stroking his fur. He propped himself up and licked your cheek, making you giggle. "Thank you, you're so cute," you scratched his neck affectionately.

"Sorry about him, he gets excited around new people," Chris came into the kitchen apologizing.

"No worries," you grinned as the large dog laid down on his back, exposing his stomach to you in a silent request for belly rubs which you willingly provided. "He's adorable," you looked up at Chris, who was grinning back at you.

"He really is," he agreed, going to finish putting the food in plates before lifting them.

"Can I help with anything?" you asked, still crouched down and petting Dodger.

"Nope, all set," he smiled, "let's go."

He led the way to his living room, where he set the plates down on the coffee table and picked up the remote. "So, what do you wanna watch?"

"Oh, I don't know," you shrugged as you sat down on the couch, "you can pick."

"Well, I would, but we're here because you've had a shitty week, so you should pick whatever you want."

"Ugh, don't remind me. See, Dodger would never do this to me," you turned your gaze to the dog, who has settled at your feet, and started petting him again. "Right? Of course you won't, you're the cutest dog," you cooed.

Chris burst out into a short laugh. "Are you going to steal my dog?"

"It's a very real possibility," you said dryly, shrugging. You turned your gaze to him, your hand still petting Dodger, and smirked.

"Okay, so are you gonna pick a movie now that we've settled that?" he asked, smiling.

"I don't know what to pick," you admitted, "I don't wanna put on anything you don't like, I guess," you mumbled.

"Awwwww, it's fine," he assured with an easy smile, "pick whatever."

You caved and put on a movie you really liked – The Princess Bride. As he realized what movie you were putting on, Chris chuckled.

"Really? That's what you're going with?"

"See? I told you I'd put on something you wouldn't like. Forget it, we can just-"

"No, no!" he cut you off, "I really like this movie," he grinned, "I just wouldn't expect that from someone who claims romance is dead, that's all," he chuckled.

"Well, movies have… dragons in them. Do you think dragons are real just cause they're in movies?" you reasoned.

"Okay, I see your point," he raised his hands in mock surrender.

A comfortable silence stretched over the both of you from that point, the only thing filling it was the sound of the movie playing and the occasional shuffling sound when either of you, or Dodger, shifted on the couch.

A bit later, Chris spoke up. "Hey, want a beer?"

"Uh, I probably shouldn't have any. Driving myself home and all," you shrugged.

"Yeah, that's smart," he chuckled. You were both lowering your voices, as if not to disrupt the movie which was still playing. "Mind if I have one?"

"Not at all," you answered truthfully, "It's your house."

He let out another short chuckle, nodding before getting up. When he heard Chris getting up, Dodger lifted his head from where he was laying, and swiftly followed him into the kitchen.

When they returned, Chris brought you a glass of water, and gave it to you before sitting down. Dodger jumped back up onto the sofa, curling up beside Chris, laying his head on his stretched-out legs.

"Awwww," you softly smiled, "that's adorable. He really loves you."

"Not nearly as much as I love him," Chris replied, smiling and fondly rubbing Dodger's head.

"See, that's good love. Love that lasts," you remarked. Thinking that was the end of it, you turned your head back to the movie.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Huh?" you turned your head back to Chris.

"What did you mean by that?" he repeated.

"Oh, nothing," you shook your head. "Just, you know. I know I seem very opposed to romance, but I'm not against love. I love my family," you shrugged, "because they made me the person I am today. They're a part of me. I just don't think that a love between two people who aren't family can last in the same way."

"Yeah. You're probably right. What about dogs though? They're certainly not blood related to us," he joked.

"Certainly," you laughed, "But dogs aren’t as fucked up as humans, so it's not really comparable. Dogs don’t stay up thinking about something embarrassing they did five years ago. Dogs probably don't even get embarrassed, really. They don't have as many doubts and… restrictions. Barriers. They don't have to make everything complicated."

"But humans do."

"Bingo," you chuckled dryly.

"We really do, don't we?" he sighed. "No one really knows what they're doing or who they are. How can you know someone else enough to truly love them when you don't even know yourself?"

"Exactly. You get it," you toasted your glass of water against his beer bottle. "it's too much effort for something that lasts so little."

"Not necessarily little," he suggested, "but never enough. You know, in movies, love is this big force of nature that draws two people towards each other so strongly… it's undeniable, unavoidable. Meant to be," he chuckled. "That feels so far away from anything I've ever experienced."

"Me too, if that's any comfort," you grimaced sympathetically. "Maybe we're just meant to be alone."

"Maybe. Anyway, that's grim," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," you smiled. "Every time I talk about it with my friends, I get told I just haven't found the right person yet, and to keep on hoping and everything will magically be sunshine and rainbows," you fluttered your eyelashes cynically. "It's fun to know there's at least one more realistic person out there," you sent him a small smile, which he returned.

You both turned back to watch the movie, which was heading towards the end at this point. The handsome prince saves the brave princess. He's not really a prince, but, you know. Same difference; it's a fairytale, a legend.

Something no one can ever truly have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Chris and you had developed a habit of calling each other on Mondays, since they were the worst, and you both needed to vent. You were in the middle of one of those calls when something he said made you abruptly stop making your dinner.

"How come I didn't know it was your birthday?" you asked, surprised, at his admission that his birthday was yesterday.  

"It never came up," he said. "Besides, it doesn't matter. The party's on Friday anyways, if you wanna come. You can bring some friends too, if you want. There's plenty of space."

"Yeah, okay," you smiled to yourself, "sure. Happy belated birthday, Chris."

"Thank you," he chuckled. "So you'll come?"

"Yeah, I'll be there, I guess," you sighed dramatically, prompting him to laugh.

"Great! See ya Friday," he said.

"See you."

After you hung up the call, you returned to your dinner, but not before texting your friends to invite them along. If you were getting on so nicely with Chris, you assumed the rest of his friends were nice people, so would in turn get along with your friends. Who were also nice people, obviously.

Or maybe, not so obviously.

There was an immediate flood of messages asking about who Chris is and how you met and if he's cute.

You ignored them in favor of finishing making your dinner, and only then sat down with your food and answered their questions, except for that last one.

He's a friend of mine I met not long ago, nice guy, you replied to the group chat.

And?? one of your friends texted.

And he invited me to this party he's throwing for his birthday, and told me I could bring friends, so now I'm inviting you guys. Hopefully, I won't regret that.

But is he cute???

I don't know, and I don't care. You know I'm not looking for anything right now!!

You're no fun. Fine, we'll come and see for ourselves ;P

You scoffed to yourself and continued to eat your dinner, unbothered. Maybe they should come, you mused, just to see that it's possible to make friends without dating them, like a sane adult.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Happy birthday!" you exclaimed as Chris ushered you and your friends into his house. "I brought you a wine," you extended the bottle and he took it.

"Thank you!" he said loudly, to overpower the music that was playing. "Is it good?"

"How should I know? I didn't drink from it, it's your gift!" you joked. He laughed before giving you a one-armed hug and waving at your friends. "I'm gonna put this away," he pointed towards the kitchen, "But you should go to the living room, everyone's there."

You gave him a thumbs up and led your friends towards the living room.

"He even laughs at your bad jokes," your friend cooed in your ear, and you sighed and rolled your eyes.

"We're not a couple!" you reminded her.

"Maybe not yet, but I'm just saying you'd make a good one," she shrugged, a twinkle in her eye.

You ignored her, and continued walking. On your way to the living room, you did see a whole bunch of other people, but still, the party wasn't huge, especially compared to Chris' large house. There were no more than probably about 80 people there, not including yourself and your friends.

Pouring yourself a drink, you sat down next to your friends, who were already making small talk with another group, and joined the conversation.

Some time went by before the conversation turned to romance, and everyone started sharing funny stories about their significant others.

"What about you?" asked a woman from the other group. She seemed friendly, an easygoing smile on her face. "Everyone has a story to tell."

Before you could answer, one of your friends chimed in. "Oh, she doesn't do romance," she teased.

"Sounds mysterious," the woman laughed.

"Yep," you smiled, amused, "that's me. Dark, brooding, and mysterious."

As you were all laughing, Chris came down to sit next to you. "Having a good time?" he asked the group with a smile, a model host.

"Yeah," one of your friends answered, "we were just talking about how this one never dates anymore," she pointed at you, and you caught Chris' look, amused. "What do you think about that?" your friends asked, oblivious to the silent exchange.

"I think she should do whatever she wants to," he answered with a smile.

"Oh, don’t be diplomatic," she said, "don't you think she should find someone?" she pressed.

"I think she should do whatever she feels like," he persisted.

"Whatever," your friend rolled her eyes with a smile. "Every pot has a lid. Sooner or later, you'll find yours," she said, your words pointed at you now.

You were quiet for a brief moment before speaking up. "Oh, you're done talking about me like I'm not here. Sorry, you were saying?"

The entire group burst into laughter, and you caught Chris' gaze again.

Sorry, you mouthed, shrugging.

It's fine, he mouthed back with a small smile.

The urge to kill your friend subsided when you saw Chris didn't take her pestering too seriously.

For the rest of the night, you proceeded to have a good time, making conversation with a few other people and only running into Chris one more time.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, toasting his cup to yours.

"Yeah. You throw a great party," you smiled.

"I'm glad you think that," he returned your smile.

After that you returned to your friends, and a little while later you all decided to head home. You searched for Chris, thanked him for hosting the party and wished him a happy birthday, and went home.

"You're telling me there's nothing there?" your friend asked you on the ride home.

"There's nothing there," you sighed. "I don't know why you all want there to be."

"We just know what it's like being in love. And we want that for you. It's fun," she smiled.

"Parkour also sounds fun, that doesn't mean I can or am going to do it," you retorted. "You know what I think about being in love. Different people have different paths and abilities. I can be happy without a sweeping romance."

"I know, you're a strong independent woman and you don’t need no man," she rolled her eyes. "Just… don't close yourself off to the opportunity. That's all I'm saying."

"Okay," you shrugged.

Shortly after, she dropped you off, and you went to sleep, thinking nothing of the whole ordeal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She came by today.

When you got the text from Chris on Wednesday, you were puzzled for a few moments before you realized. His former fiancée. I mean, almost fiancée.

Shit

Is everything okay?

It only took him a couple of seconds to reply.

Yeah, I guess.

On an obviously unrelated note, wanna come drink?

You chuckled before texting him your ETA, quickly changing from the already rumpled clothes you had worn all day, and driving to his place.

You texted him when you were outside, and when you walked up to his door it was already opened, and he was waiting for you, a bottle of beer in hand.

"Aw, you drove yourself here?" he asked, before ushering you in, "I told you we should drink."

"Yeah," you chuckled, "but it's not like there's anyone I can ask to drive me on a random Wednesday. It's fine, you drink."

"But I don't wanna drink alone," he whined. "Can't you just spend the night then? I have a guest bedroom."

You opened your mouth to refuse, but then assessed it again. You were in pretty comfortable clothes, you were starting work a little later than usual tomorrow, and well… he needed a friend, and he asked you.

"Okay, fine," you chuckled, "gimmie one of those," you gestured at his beer.

He made a little celebratory motion with his hand before going and getting you another beer.

"So," you started as you took a swig of your beer, "how was your day?"

He let out a short, bitter laugh. "Great. Yeah, just… just great," he took a large gulp of his beer. You waited, giving him the space he needed to speak again. "She wanted to get back together, actually," he scoffed. You frowned, but still refrained from speaking.

"You know, I… I still have the ring," his voice broke and he cleared his throat. "I still have the ring because I wanted her to come back. But when she finally did I… I couldn't say yes to her. Because it's forever or nothing. And I don't think I'm meant to have a forever. Certainly not with someone who broke up with me anyways," he took another sip of his beer.

"If it's any comfort, I don't think there's such a thing as forever," you shrugged, and he looked at you quizzically. "I told you," you said, "all romance is momentary."

"Maybe that's true," he sighed again. "At any rate, I am now stuck with this ring, which is just… fantastic. Really awesome."

"Can't you bring it back to the shop?"

"Tried to. They won't take it back, say it's been too long for their return policy. That money's lost," he took another sip of beer.

"Well, you know, if it's lost anyways…" you smiled, "I think I have an idea of what to do with it. but first," you raised your beer in a toast, "we do need to be a little drunker for this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few too many drinks later, you and Chris were stumbling in a park near his home.

"How do you know where we are?" he asked, before nearly tripping on his face, making you giggle as he managed to catch himself on a nearby tree.

"I've been here before," you explained, a little less drunk than he was but still positively buzzed. "It's really pretty."

"It is," he agreed, taking in the trees around you as you kept going. "It's also very isolated. Are you going to kill me?" he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"No," your loud laugh rang through the park, breaking the silence of the night. "I'm not gonna kill you. Promise. Now c'mon, we're nearly there!" you beckoned him to follow you as you ran forward.

The rest of the way went by quickly, the both of you striding hurriedly, or as hurriedly as your inebriated minds would allow, engulfed in the comforting silence of the night. Finally, you got to a clearing with a large lake.

The crescent moon reflected in the water, and the lake was shimmering slightly as the wind disturbed it. The only sounds were those of your slightly labored breath, the soft trickling of the water, and the occasional flap of a bird's wings. The silence surrounded you, but it wasn't suffocating, it was as clear as the water in front of you.

It was finally broken when Chris spoke up again.

"You got me drunk so you could drown me in a lake?"

You burst into another fit of laughter. "First of all," you said in between giggles, "if anyone got anyone drunk it's you convincing me to drun- drink."

It was his turn to laugh at your mix-up. "Shut up," you said, slapping his arm lightly. "Now c'mon. You have the ring, right?"

"Yep," he said, fishing it out of his pocket. "But why did you want me to bring it?"

"Well, the fact I'm not gonna drown you in the lake doesn't mean we're not drowning anything."

"My ex-fiancée?" his mouth dropped open into an o shape.

"No!" you facepalmed. "The ring. You're gonna throw the ring in the river!"

"I am?"

"God, I'm starting to think I got you too drunk," you rolled your eyes. "Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna think about your relationship. You're gonna reminisce about everything, good and bad, and you're gonna put it in this ring. In your head, of course," you added before he could chime in.

"So I can let go," he nodded in understanding.

"Exactly," you smiled. "We don't need romance. Fuck romance. Fuck forever. You're better than that!"

"Amen!" he said, toasting an invisible glass in the air, making you laugh once more. It was probably the alcohol, but you hadn't laughed like this in a while. It was fun to laugh loudly, freeing. You wondered why you didn't do it more often.

"Alright!" you clapped your hands once, shaking from your thoughts. "Let's get this show on the road!"

You both stepped closer to the lake, and then Chris held out his hand in front of him, his palm open with the ring on it. He stared at it intently for a few moments, then his gaze snapped up to meet yours and he nodded shortly. You didn't speak, you just reached out and closed his fingers around the ring, before stepping aside and gesturing for him to go ahead. He stared at his fist for another moment before taking a swing and throwing the ring as far as he could. You held your breath until you heard the sound of the ring hitting the water, which made you release a breath full of awe.

"You did it," you said softly.

"I did it," he slowly repeated. "I did it!" he yelled out and you laughed in surprise. "I did it!" he yelled again, and in a few short strides he was next to you, picking you up and spinning you around in celebration.

"Put me down!" you shouted at him between fits of laughter, "Lunatic!"

He put you down, grinning widely. "I can't believe I just threw that ring into the lake. That was so stupid."

"It kinda was," you laughed, breathless.

"It was your idea!"

"I know! It's still stupid," you kept laughing, nearly doubling over. "Felt good though, didn’t it?"

"It really did," he let out a bewildered laugh. "Fuck. It really did," he said, and started laughing, which made you start laughing again, and before you knew it you were both laying on the grass, laughing until your cheeks hurt.

"My cheeks hurt," you pouted.

"Awww, I'm sorry," he drawled, reaching out to pinch your cheek, making you swat his hand away, glaring at him. He just giggled again, laying on his back and looking up to the sky.

You laid back as well, staring up.

"I wish I knew something about the stars," he said out of the blue.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Oh, just anything. I don't know jack shit about 'em."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that's Orion's Belt," you said, pointing up to a group of three stars. "So now you know that about the stars."

He said your name, making you turn your head to look at him. "You're a good friend," he smiled.

"You're a good friend too," you smiled back at him.

"No, I'm not. All I ever do is moan about my stupid ex."

"I'm sure she wasn't stupid," you reasoned.

"She was! She was stupid with two o's," he mumbled in disdain. You giggled at his words. "I'm not hung up on her," he continued. "I'm just… disillusioned. I thought she was the one. And now that she's gone… I don't know if there's gonna be a one. Which is sad. So I've been sad," he said matter-of-factly.

"I was sad too when I started thinking that," you whispered, sobering up a little. "But we don’t need 'a one', Chris. Romance is dead, but life goes on. We're on our own, but that doesn't mean we can't make the best of it."

"I spent so much of my life looking forward to spending the rest of my life with someone. And now that I realize that might not be the case… I guess I just realized that this is it. The rest of my life. I needed to throw that ring to make peace with that."

"Glad I could help," you gave him a half-smile, taking his hand in yours and giving it a small squeeze.

"Yeah," he returned a squeeze of his own, "me too."

"C'mon," you said, leaving his hand and getting up, before helping him to his feet as well. "We should get going."

You stumbled your way home, leaning on each other for some parts of the way. Sleepy and still a little buzzed, you finally got to his house, and he led you to the guest bedroom.

"Goodnight," he said, smiling.

"Goodnight," you whispered back, before he turned and walked up the stairs. You listened to him climb, and heard the sound of another set of footsteps, soft cooing coming from upstairs, and then heard the sound of a door closing.

Dodger, you thought with a smile, before closing your own door and plopping down on the bed.

In the last minutes of your wakefulness, you thought about how lucky dogs were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, are you dating him?"

"No!" you said indignantly, "have you listened to a single word I said?"

"Oh, so you're just not putting a label on it? you're a little too old for those games if you ask me, but suit yourself," your friend shrugged.

"Come on! He's just a friend," you huffed.

"If that's what you wanna tell yourself," she smirked, but then her look became more sincere. "Look, I know you. I know that every time we talk about him, you're happy. Why can't you admit that you like him?"

"I do like him, as a person! I like all of my friends!"

"You're impossible," she rolled her eyes with an affectionate smile.

"You're impossible," you retorted weakly before smiling at her.

"You know we all just want you to be happy, right? That's all we want."

"I know," you said softly, "and I appreciate it. I really do. But I am happy, on my own."

"If that's the case, then I'm happy for you," she sighed. "I don't want you to feel like a third wheel, especially with Sarah's wedding coming up. You're the last of us who hasn't tied the knot yet."

"I'll be fine at Sarah's wedding," you rolled your eyes.

"I know, I know," she raised her hands in surrender, "But I'm just saying, I know you're anti-romance, but I also know you're not anti-company. Maybe you should bring Chris. As your friend, if you insist" she added when she saw you open your mouth to object. "Just, you know, everyone's coming with someone, and I don't want you to sit alone."

"I appreciate you looking out for me, I do, but seriously, I think you're underestimating my social skills. You do realize I can talk to people I don't know, right?"

"I know," she huffed. "Just… consider it, okay? For me?"

"I'll think about it, I guess," you shrugged.

You had no intention of following through on that. Except, well, it did come up when you were talking to Chris.

"What are you doing Friday?" he asked, his voice mechanical through the phone. "I thought we could finally see that movie you're always talking about."

"Nope, can't do Friday," you said, the phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear as you were folding your laundry.

"Aw, that's a shame. I was really looking forward to you finally shutting up about it," he teased, making you chuckle. "What're you doing Friday then?"

"First of all, if you'd listen to me and see it, you wouldn't wanna shut up about it either, because it's awesome. Second, I'm going to a friend's wedding. I'm gonna sit aside, drink some wine, and make fun of all the drunk couples."

"Sounds like a real fun night," he teased.

"Yeah," you said sarcastically. "I am really happy for her though. I know she wanted it for a long time," you said, sincere now.

"Hey, um, if you want, maybe I could come laugh at drunk couples with you? So you'll have some company," he offered.

"Oh, you don't have to," you dismissed it, "I know it sounds like a bummer, but really, I'll be fine."

"No, really. No one should have to sit alone at weddings," he said.

"Another friend of mine told me that as well."

"Well then, this friend of yours is smart. Believe me, as a veteran of many sit-alone weddings myself, I can confirm it's indeed a huge bummer."

"Fine," you chuckled, "I guess if you want to come so badly you may," you said, making him laugh.

"Great, text me the details?"

"Yep," you smiled. "Talk to you later?"

"Sure, bye!"

You hung up the phone to get up and start putting all your clothes into the closet. After you were done with that, you sent Sarah a text to let her know you will be bringing a plus one at the end, asking her if that'd be okay.

Is it Chris????

Yeah

Then it's fine!! :)))

You chuckled to yourself and kept putting away your clothes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      

The night of the wedding, as a close friend of the bride's, you arrived at the venue a couple of hours beforehand, along with all of your friends. Chris came some time after guests started to arrive, and it didn't take you long to spot him in the crowds, looking a bit lost. You excused yourself quickly from the conversation you were in with some of the groom's friends and went to greet him.

"Hey!" you waved as you walked towards him, "Chris!"

Grinning when he saw you, he also began moving towards you, until you finally met in the middle.

"I'm glad you could make it," you smiled.

"I am too," he said, "seems like a nice wedding."

"Yeah. C'mon, you're just in time. They're gonna start the ceremony soon," you explained as you grabbed his arm and started leading him towards your seats.

"Oh-kay," he chuckled as you dragged him forward with surprising determination.

As you took your seats, you waved at your friends, and they freaked out over Chris being there, but you paid no mind to them, as Chris was leaning towards you, whispering, "You know, for someone who doesn't seem to enjoy romance, you sure do seem excited about this wedding."

"Well, I'm happy for Sarah. I've learned that me and my friends have a different outlook on that, and that's fine, it's useless to argue about it or whatever. I'm just happy she's gonna have what she wanted, even if I don't really believe in it."

"So how does that work? If you don't think romance is real and bring joy then how come you're happy your friend has it?"

"Chris, if one of my friends told me they found a way to adopt a unicorn, I'd be happy for them, no questions asked. Everyone should do what they feel like," you shrugged. "Now shhhh, they should be starting every minute now."

The ceremony was a beautiful one, and Sarah looked gorgeous in her white dress. As she walked down the aisle with a beaming smile, Chris' words echoed in your mind.

If you don't think romance is real and bring joy then how come you're happy your friend has it?

Despite your quick answer, you didn’t really know. The short answer was the one you told Chris, but the long one…

For the longest time, you believed romance just wasn't durable. Wasn't real. But maybe you just didn't believe that you can have that kind of romance? You just never really had someone to challenge your perception like that, because no one ever took it seriously, they just told you you'd find your person.

But that wasn't something you wanted to think about now, so you filled it away for later.

"It was a beautiful ceremony."

You and Chris were a little far out from the dancing crowd, somewhere a little quieter, but you could still see the dance floor from the bench you had found.

"Yeah, it was," you agreed with him.

"Not beautiful enough to make you cry, I guess?" he teased.

"Ha ha. I don't cry at weddings."

"I could've guessed that," he chuckled. "So what do you usually do at weddings? I mean, all your friends are married, so I'm assuming you've been to quite a few."

"What I'm doing right now. Sitting aside and drinking," you raised your glass in mock salute before taking a generous sip.

"Solid plan," he nodded slightly. "So you've never like, danced at weddings or anything?"

"No," you frowned, shaking your head slightly, "Why would I? I'm not a dancer, really.

"Well, how 'bout we go and change that?"

"Excuse me now?"

"I'm just saying, if you're really happy for your friend, maybe you should show her that. Enjoy yourself."

"I am enjoying myself," you deadpanned.

"Do what people are meant to do at weddings," he rolled his eyes.

"I thought you were here to silently judge everyone with me. Don't make me regret inviting you," you jokingly waved your finger at him as if you were telling him off.

"That's still the plan. We could just probably still do that on the dance floor," he shrugged. "Your call."

There was a short-lived silence before you sighed. "Fine. One dance," you warned.

Getting up, he offered his arm to you, which you took, and you made your way o the dance floor. You started dancing to the end of the upbeat song that was playing, but just then it changed into something a little slower, and people were pairing up.

"This is the money time," Chris winked, and offered you his hand. You took it, almost instinctively, and you started dancing to the song, his other hand on your waist while yours was on his shoulder.

"What do you mean money time?" you whispered.

"Okay. We're gonna turn around, and you're gonna look at the couple that's gonna be behind me," he said, turning the both of you around casually as you danced.

"Oh my god," you suppressed your laughter. "That's… I don't even know what to say. Are they even a couple or is he her da- oh nope, he just kissed her on the lips. God," you grimaced as Chris laughed at your expression. "I at least hope he's rich for her sake."

You both chuckled, and it was only a couple of moments later that you gasped with a smile. "Don't be obvious cause they're pretty close, but look at the couple to my right."

"Oh shit," he chuckled. "Remind me not to go to any secluded corner of this wedding. These two are probably this close to running off to do things I definitely wouldn't wanna see."

"Right?" you said, amused, "They're practically eye fucking. Have some decency!"

You both laughed again, and then Chris nodded his head subtly in another direction. "Look at those two."

They were a couple that wasn't dancing, they were sitting at a table close to the dancefloor, their foreheads touching, seemingly murmuring to each other.

"Betcha they're the kind of couple who does the whole 'no you hang up!' thing," Chris continued with an amused grin.

"Oh they so are!" you burst into laughter. "They probably share a single spaghetti from both ends."

"Lady and the Tramp style," you both said at the same time, prompting you to tear your eyes from the couple and look at each other, giggling.

You continued dancing through the next song, and the next one, and the one after that. For pretty much the rest of the night, you two danced together, continuing to invent silly stories about the people you saw, laughing at each other's cheesy anecdotes.

When it was getting late and the party was winding down, Chris offered you a ride home, since he hasn't drunk, and you gratefully accepted. You came here with your friends, and they were all probably staying longer, but you were getting a little sleepy, so you decided to call it a night.

"Let's just go say goodbye to Sarah," you said and he nodded, letting you lead the way.

"Hey, I'm getting pretty tired, so we're gonna leave. Congratulations," you smiled once you had gotten to the table the happy couple was sitting at. As Chris was shaking the husband's hand, you had bent down to wrap your arms around Sarah in a tight hug.

"So you admit you're a 'we' now? You and Chris?" she teased, whispering in your ear.

"We're not," you rolled your eyes.

"Whatever you say," she smiled knowingly. "Thank you for coming," she said louder once you let go of her.

"It was a pleasure, congratulations," Chris smiled at the both of them, and you all gave your goodbyes.

On the way back, you were already lulling into sleep in the passenger's seat, and Chris smiled to himself.

"Chris," you mumbled from your half-asleep state.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For coming with me today. You're right. Dancing with you is better than sitting alone."

"Wow, what a compliment," he drawled sarcastically.

"Yeah, don't let it get to your head buddy," you chuckled, before shifting around in your seat so your head was leaning on the window. "Can you wake me up when we get there?"

"Sure," he smiled, "Sweet dreams."

"Thanks," you yawned.

When you got to your house, Chris gently nudged your shoulder a few times to wake you up. You woke up, confused for a second, but quickly regained your composure and thanked him for the ride.

You went into the house, barely changing out of your dress before plopping down on the bed.

It was kind of weird, honestly. Usually, no matter how tired you were, you wouldn't manage to fall asleep in a car, or a plane. Even a bed that wasn't yours was sometimes harder to sleep in.

But you were in your own bed now, so you didn't have a lot of time to mull that over before you sunk into a deep sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

"Hey," Chris greeted over the phone one Monday.

"Hi! How's it going?" you smiled.

"Fine. I mean, actually, do you wanna come over?"

"Right now?" you frowned.

"I mean, why not? Have the Monday chat in person."

"Um, sure. Yeah, I'll be over in a bit," you said. Hanging up, you didn't think too much of his invitation. He sounded fine, and he said he was. He was probably just being nice.

Soon enough you were knocking at his front door. It opened to reveal a very excited Dodger pouncing on you, and you giggled as you crouched down to pet him. "Yeah, hi Dodger! How's the cutest boy doing?"

"Ouch," Chris joked from the doorstep.

"Hello to you too, I guess," you said dryly, but with a grin on your face.

You all went inside, and Dodger went straight to his bed, curling up. "Your knock woke him up," Chris explained, smiling at the sight.

"Oh, sorry," you gave him a small smile.

"It's fine. As you can see, he has no problem going right back to sleep," he chuckled.

"Yeah," you giggled. "Is everything okay? I mean, is there a reason you wanted me to come except to enjoy my magnificent presence?" you teased.

"Well, that was mostly it," he laughed, "but actually, I did want to talk to you about something. Wanna go outside?"

"Um, sure," you said, frowning slightly before forcing yourself to smile again.

You stepped outside into his garden, sitting in the big lawn chairs.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" you asked, turning your head to look at him.

"That's Orion's Belt, right?" he evaded, pointing at a group of stars in the night sky.

"I'm pretty sure it is," you shrugged.

For a moment, you were both quiet.

"I've changed my mind," Chris started. "This isn't the rest of my life. It's just my life."

"Okay," you said, not getting where he was going with this.

"You know, all these cheesy couples we made fun of at Sarah's wedding? I think they have it right."

"How come?"

"They realized that romance isn't about forever. It's about right here, right now. It’s in the little things. I've been so opposed to romance lately, and I was constantly thinking about how I wouldn't have a forever, so much so that I forgot what's going on now."

"And what's that?" you asked softly.

"Something much simpler than that. Happiness."

You stared at each other in silence, a slight frown still on your face.

"You make me happy," Chris admitted in a soft voice. "You make me really happy. And I don't want to lose your friendship, but I have to ask you this, because otherwise I don't think I'd forgive myself. Do you really not believe in romance? At all?"

"I don't know," you whispered. Clearing your throat, you continued a bit louder. "I don't believe in everyone's version of it. The happily ever after, forever. I don't need anyone to complete me either."

"There's always a middle road. Maybe not everyone has someone, and we don’t need romance, but that doesn't mean we're not allowed to want it. We shouldn't have to sit alone at weddings," he said sincerely. After a breath, he continued. "I'm not asking you for forever. I don't want to. But I want to ask you for now. And I don't think I'd complete you, just like you don't complete me. But you do make my life a whole lot better."

"Chris, you know I'm not looking for anything, I told you that when we met," you said weakly.

"I know. I also wasn't looking for anything. And yet I found… something. And I'd be a coward not to pursue it. We can make our own kind of romance; not a happily ever after, but a happy here and now. No big cheesy gestures, or unreasonable promises, just… being together. And that means I can't promise you it'll work, that it'll be perfect. Hell, it'll probably be messy, and hard, and mundane, at times, but that's how life is. But I can promise I'll try. And even if it doesn't work out, I'm willing to regret you for the rest of my life."

You thought back to every romantic relationship you've had. Every date you've been on. A lot of them were disappointing, but some of them were good.

None of them made you as happy as being with Chris did. Not one of your actual dates managed to top just hanging out with Chris. You didn't know why, but you felt safe with him, like you can be entirely yourself. You felt happy.

You didn't want to risk that. You didn't want to lose that. But what if taking this one risk would make it all that much better? You thought back to all of your friends, how happy they were with their significant other, how in love. What if putting your heart out on the line, for the first time in a long while, would make you happier than you had ever imagined?

Of course, it could also make you devastated. It could crush you. But that's the risk, isn't it?

There isn't any other person you'd rather take that leap with, you realized. In the few months you knew Chris, he already managed to become one of your favorite people in the entire world. You trusted him, cared about him, more than you'd let yourself realize up until now. And like he said, not exploring that would make you a coward. And you're not.

You took a deep breath. Chris gave you the time you needed, simply looking at you softly.

"I haven't dated anyone in a while. I might be rusty," you chuckled finally.

"I'm willing to take those odds," he smiled. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," you nodded, a grin slowly making its way onto your face. "If there's anyone I would do this with, it's you," you admitted softly.

He grinned, getting up from his chair and extending his hand out to you, and you accepted. Gently, he pulled you up on your feet, using his momentum to bring you to stand closer to him and wrapping his other arm around your waist. Slowly, you two inched closer, until, finally, his lips were on yours.

There weren't fireworks, or butterflies. There was just this moment, right here, right now. No doubts, or hesitations, it was peaceful. It felt right.

This moment was all you could ever ask for. All you'd ever need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You look so beautiful in the mornings," Chris murmured, burrowing his head into the crook of your neck.

"You too. Happy birthday," You whispered back, weaving your fingers into the hairs on the nape of his neck. He hummed in response, and you giggled, feeling it tickling your neck.

You laid there for a while more, just basking in each other's company. But when you looked at the clock, you started nudging Chris away from you. "We should get up," you said softly, "We have a party to prepare for."

"The party's not until the evening," he whined, "Stay in bed," he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him.

You ended up leaving the bed at noon, eating a big lunch before tidying up for the party. A few minutes later, you slipped away, to set up your surprise.

"Hey Chris?" you called from the other room, "Can you just come over here for a second?"

"Coming!"

He entered to find you and Dodger in matching little party hats, and you were holding one out for him too.

"Wow!" he burst into laughter, putting the party hat on his head. "What's all this for?"

"I thought we should celebrate a little before the guests arrive," you shrugged. "And, you know, Dodger looks so cute in that little hat."

"He does," Chris cooed. "How did you manage to put it on him? He would never let me put anything."

"Well, he just likes me more," you smirked. Chris scoffed amusedly. "Okay fine," you rolled your eyes, "I may have bribed him with a treat."

Dodger's ears perked up at the word and you both laughed at the suddenly interested dog.

"I shouldn't have said that," you giggled.

"Probably," he agreed. "Thank you," you put his arm on the small of your back, nudging you closer to his side.

"You're welcome. Happy birthday," you smiled, tilting your head up to press a soft kiss to his lips. He cupped your cheek in his hand, deepening the kiss, but before it could get any further Dodger was barking and putting his front paws on the both of you.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get jealous. We love you too," you and Chris laughed, petting his head affectionately.

Honestly that day was a perfectly normal day for you and Chris. Being in love for the two of you didn't mean big highs and lows. You had your moments, but most of the time, it was just this peaceful bliss.

Later that night, the party was already in full swing. You and Chris separated from each other at some point, but you were making the rounds, so you knew sooner or later you'd meet up again.

In the small crowd, it was easy to spot your friends, sitting with the same group they did last year. You smiled to yourself, going up and greeting everyone warmly.

"How's everyone doing?" you asked, sitting down for a moment.

There was a chorus of "fine"s and "good"s before the conversation continued. You joined in, talking to your friends and catching up with the other group.

"Hey," Chris' voice was suddenly next to you. He came up and wrapped his arms around you from behind, talking softly next to your ear. "I'm gonna get myself another beer. You want anything as well?"

"Um, yeah. Can you bring me one too?"

"Sure," he smiled.

You tilted your head so you could reach and kiss his cheek, "Thanks."

As he walked away, you turned your attention back to the rest of the group, only to find them all looking at you with knowing grins.

"I thought you didn't do romance," said the woman you had spoken to last year, a teasing smile on her face.

"I didn't. I guess I changed my mind," you smiled softly, watching Chris’ back as he dissappeared into the kitchen.

Maybe romance wasn’t so bad after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

did you catch the three references? tell me:)) i hope you like it, and if you stuck through this entire story, thank you so so much for reading!! as always, i’d love to hear your thoughts, and remember to stay hydrated and take care of yourself<3 happy chris day!!

special shoutout for @animnerd who gave me some motivation when i needed it<3 

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds @wintersoldierslut @iceebabies  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree @kaitcordx25 @bequeening @steve-barry-damon-logan @itscrazycherryblossomcollection @hollandxmarvel @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash @imvivian

Chris & co. taglist: @patzammit

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[tennessoui]

40 or 43 if you’re still taking prompts! i love ur AUs they’re so beautiful and contain so much brilliance within a short snippet!

it's been so long, anon, you probably forgot you sent this but here is prompt 40, exes meeting after not seeing each other for a long time. in true tennessoui fashion, they don't. actually. meet and/or see each other in this snippet. also in true tennessoui fashion, all tennessoui needs to decide to continue this is one (1) validation.

the backstory here is something i have been thinking about for days after a discord convo, where during the fight on mustafar, obi-wan hits anakin hard enough in the head that he loses all of his memories. obi-wan takes him with him for a few months but the wounds of Order 66 and vaderkin's role in what happened is too fresh for obi-wan to (understandably) get over, even if this anakin doesn't remember doing it, so they separate. this is set 8 years after Mustafar.

(1.7k)

“Kenobi won’t come,” the fighter pilot says immediately upon disembarking from his craft.

One commander lets out a groan. Someone else hits the durasteel side of the closest x-wing with a closed fist.

“Do we really need him?” Anakin demands, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s been eight years since the rise of the Empire. Surely a washed-up Jedi General from the Clone Wars won’t have people jumping to join the Rebellion!”

No one meets his eye. In fact, the air room suddenly feels very, very uncomfortable.

Organa exhales heavily and turns to look at Anakin, which is rare because the man never voluntarily looks at Anakin. “There are few names from that time that still carry an untainted weight in the eyes of the galaxy. Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of them.”

“I grew up hearing about The Team!” A teenager says eagerly. “I’d join any resistance movement if I knew both of ‘em were fighting with me!”

“You’re already a part of a resistance movement,” a girl next to him pointed out waspishly.

The boy waves her off. “Skywalker and Kenobi, saving the galaxy! It’d be wizard to be a part of that, and you know it, Aasha!”

Anakin’s throat tightens at that name. Skywalker. His name. Or, his old name. He has no more connection to it now than he does to the name Kenobi or Organa. They’re just letters.

He catches Organa’s eye. The man is looking at him with a mix of curiosity and wariness. Anakin knows instinctively that this is another one of the man’s tests. Will this time be the time that whatever injury has kept his memories suppressed for eight years is undone, and his previous life comes thundering through his mind?

He’s sick of these tests. He’s never failed one, but Organa never comes closer to trusting him afterward. He can only assume that whatever Anakin Skywalker had done in his last few days alive had been so terrible that only a few people knew the truth, and those who did would never forgive any version of him for it.

Organa certainly knew, though he had never shared that information with Anakin. And.

And Kenobi did as well. That was clear. They’d only been together for five standard months, sharing a small spacecraft made smaller by the fear, agony, grief, fury, and hurt radiating off of his companion into the space around them.

It had been hard to tell at the time if one of the things Obi-Wan Kenobi had been grieving was the loss of Anakin Skywalker. Anakin isn’t sure Kenobi would have been able to answer that either.

Some part of him that usually rests dormant in the back of his mind stirs and hisses that it had to have been. That Skywalker’s loss had torn Kenobi’s soul to shreds.

This doesn’t necessarily feel like his own thought, but it’s quite hard to ignore. He wants to rub a hand against his aching head, but that surely would tip off Organa that something’s--what? That he’s having thoughts?

Perish the very idea.

One would think Anakin hadn’t joined the Rebellion of his own free will. That Anakin hadn’t spent three standard months on the planet Kenobi had left him on before catching wind of the existence of the Rebel Alliance, that he hadn’t risked life and limb (more limb, apparently, given his missing flesh hand) to find them afterwards. He hadn’t known much anything about himself, but he had known that he hadn’t liked what the Imperial troops were doing, how much destruction they were causing, how the people they were supposed to be protecting hid in fear of their white armor.

Something in Anakin had rebelled at that, had thought it wrong and twisted. Someone needs to stop them, he’d thought. So he had found the people that were trying to.

And yes, a small part of him had thought--perhaps hoped--that Obi-Wan Kenobi would be a part of the Rebel Alliance by the time Anakin made his way to their biggest base. He had thought--perhaps hoped--that he would be able to prove himself to the other man. Look, he had wanted to scream at Kenobi, I’m not like that other Anakin, I would never do what he did. You can trust me. You can look me in the eye, I won’t stab you in the back.

Because something in him had yearned, still yearns, for Kenobi’s approval. For the weight of his gaze settling warmly around his shoulders. For his small smiles, his calloused hand clasping the back of Anakin’s head to bring their foreheads together in a gentle tap hello.

These are things Anakin knows he’s never experienced. But he must have in his past life, because his whole body will ache for them like a phantom limb. It’s been seven years and a few months since he last saw Kenobi.

“I’ll go,” Anakin says, which is what he said the last time they were standing like this, huddled around a fighter pilot delivering the same message of failure.

Organa’s mouth tightens in displeasure, and Mothma places a hand on his arm in warning.

Everyone else falls silent around them, as if recognizing the fact that they’re in the middle of a brewing storm, and they’re lucky to be in its eye right now.

“I do not think--” Organa starts, but Anakin cuts him off, crossing his arms even tighter over his chest, as if to hold himself back. The force suppression collar around his neck grows warmer, but it holds. It always holds.

“You’re already sending men who look like me to him!” Anakin points out irately. “The last four men could have been related to me!” It’s something Anakin’s thought about in the past but never said out loud. He’s glad to say it now though, especially because Organa flushes a bit which means Anakin’s right. “Just send me! If it doesn’t work, nothing in the galaxy will!”

Now, Anakin isn’t sure that’s true at all. He’s taking a huge leap with this, but it’s been seven years and a few months since he saw Obi-Wan Kenobi in person, and every part of him is aching with the desire to lay eyes on the man again. Will he hate him still? Will he see all the differences Anakin’s made to his appearance? Will he like them? He fights the urge to run a hand over his shorn hair.

Will Obi-Wan even let him through the door?

The people around them are murmuring now. They don’t know what Organa knows, what Anakin has guessed at: that Skywalker died a traitor to the Republic, that he had tried to strike down Obi-Wan like the Emperor struck down the rest of the Jedi. To them, these fortunate outsiders, they’re wondering why Anakin Skywalker hasn’t already been sent to locate and bring back their errant General.

Before, Anakin’s offer had been quiet, easily ignored over someone else’s. Now he’s loud and confident. Impossible to turn away without making a public scene, without explaining why. And Organa has tried very hard not to do that. For whatever reason, Anakin doesn’t know. All he knows is that after he’d been examined by a battalion of med droids and interrogated by all three leaders of the Rebellion, Organa had given him a list of rules he had to follow in order to join the Rebel Alliance. Firstly, never remove his cuffs and collar.

It’s not a slave collar and it won’t electrocute you if you touch it or try to take it off, Organa had told him when he’d blanched away at the sight. But I have been informed by a trusted ally that the Chance--the Emperor knows your Force Signature intimately. We cannot risk being found. It would kill all hope for us.

Secondly, never confirm his identity. Never talk about who he used to be.

People will know, Organa had grudgingly admitted. Skywalker was one of the faces of the Clone Wars. But you cannot confirm it. In fact.

Thirdly, give up the name Skywalker. Pick another last name, if not first as well.

But Anakin had been attached to his first name for some reason he didn’t know how to begin to question, so even after he toyed with the idea of changing it completely, he couldn’t go through with it. Weeks later he had shown up in Organa’s makeshift office.

I had a mother, didn’t I? He had asked, causing Organa to stiffen immediately.

Do you remember? Organa had interrogated immediately, his standard greeting for Anakin. Anakin had gotten the feeling, especially in those early days, that Organa was waiting with baited breath for Anakin to remember so he could try him for war crimes or treason or whatever it was that Skywalker had done.

No, he had responded honestly. Just a feeling. If I am to take a new last name, I want her name.

A few days later, Anakin had stumbled into his bunk, tired from a day of hard training, to see a packet of documents on his pillow.

Anakin Shmison was written at the top of the first page.

The list of rules goes on and on.

But nowhere does it say that Anakin Shmison isn’t allowed to mention Obi-Wan Kenobi in public. He just never has, because even the sound of the man’s name makes him feel very nauseous, a combination of butterflies and adder snakes wrestling around inside his stomach.

Bail Organa is looking like he’s regretting that oversight right now, but Anakin has backed him quite solidly into a proverbial corner. Either finally tell everyone what happened between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi in the last few hours of the Republic, or give Anakin Shmison leave to retrieve Kenobi.

“Fine,” Organa gets out, jaw locked and vein throbbing in his temple. Anakin has the distinct feeling he’se spent a lot of his life on the receiving end of that expression. “Have this X-Wing refueled, and leave tonight.”

“No sir,” Anakin says, enjoying the way one of the man’s eyebrows shoot up in angry incredulity.

“No?” Organa asks. “Would you like more beauty rest, perhaps, Shmison?”

“No sir, I don’t need it,” this time he doesn’t resist running a hand through his hair, messing with its part so his longer bangs fall to one side and balance out the mysterious scar that bisects his eyebrow. He grins. “But I will need a craft that sits two. For the return trip.”

[the-volume-is-astronomical]

The Crown, The Sword, and The Gay

The Tower

A/N: mi gente im just trying something out and seeing if people like it :] ive had this done for like months and months on end and i finally decided to share it so em enjoy 

First | Previous| Next

words: 2380

summary: Roman’s stomach is making it very clear that this talk wasn’t going to end well... as long as he doesn’t end up in that tower.

pairings: eventual prinxiety, eventual intrulogical, eventual moceit 

warnings: some potty language (not much), stress, anxiety, disappearance mention, flashback, crying

(let me know if theres any other)

Roman felt himself waking up, maybe because of the stupidly bright sun hitting his eyes, he didn’t know how that was possible since he remembered closing the red velvet curtains shut tight, so he didn't have this exact issue. So, when he heard some ruffling and things being moved around he wasn’t all that surprised. 

¨Rise and shine, you little brat¨ Ruth said in a very tired but demanding voice. 

¨Oh dear nurse, allow me five more minutes¨ Roman whined putting a pillow over his eyes so he could block out the rude sun.

¨Oh, flattery will get you nowhere, mister.¨ Roman could hear Ruth moving around the room, preparing breakfast no doubt. Roman took the pillow off his face and sat up, hair a wreck, and his eyes squinting because of the light coming from the window.

¨And he finally rises,¨ Ruth said sarcastically.

¨Yeah, yeah, the dashing prince has awoken.¨ Roman said half asleep. Ruth helped him sit down so he didn’t trip over anything and started serving him breakfast, she wasn’t going to wait for him to finish eating as she was already heading for the big oak doors. 

¨Wait!¨ Roman sobered up, Ruth flinched a little at the shout but turned around anyway ¨Can I do anything for you?¨ She asked.

¨ Come eat with me, you for sure haven’t eaten anything today.¨ Ruth went to argue but closed her mouth when she noticed she, in fact, had not eaten.

 She sat down in the chair in front of the royal, Roman made a few hand gestures as if to show she was open to take anything, she knew the monarch wouldn’t eat until she had settled for something so, she took a piece of bread and started eating, as did he.

After a few moments of silent eating Ruth spoke up ¨I still don't understand, after all these years you haven’t become a spoiled brat that doesn't care for his servant¨ Roman didn't even look up at her he just said ¨I guess you raised me well.¨ Ruth almost choked on her bread and looked at Roman as if he had gone insane. “Oh come on don't be so humble Ruthie!¨

She still looked at him confused and a little annoyed at the nickname but mostly surprised he would say anything of the sort, ¨Ruth, you are my nurse. You have been with me my entire life, You fed me when I was a baby for god sake! I consider you a mother, even if I have another mother in the throne room right now,” Roman shivered at the thought of having to talk to his parents after the events of the past week but continued anyway “and I sure as hell think of you as the person who raised me.¨ 

Once he had finished he immediately put a mouth full of food and kept eating as if hadn’t given that speech. Ruth still looked shocked but cleared her throat ¨Well, then I made you a sap!¨ Roman started laughing ¨How will your future spouse ever forgive me?¨ Roman burst out laughing and Ruth gave a small chuckle. 

Ruth stood up and went to Roman's closet to gather his outfit for the day, while he finished breakfast. She threw the clothes at him “Hey!¨ Roman made his trademark over dramatic gasp. She sighed “I unfortunately also gave you my dramatics…”

 “And I don’t resent you for that!” Roman screamed back with a big smile on his face. 

Ruth looked like she had something on her mind. Roman didn’t have to wait much before she said what that was, he never did. ¨Would that make you and my Remy brothers?¨ she said, actively ignoring the prince’s comments. Roman stood up going towards his shoji screen to change behind. ¨Ha! We already consider each other brothers so it wouldn’t be much of a change.¨ Ruth started making his bed “Well this is new information to me.¨ Roman giggled a bit 

¨Remy´s supposed to be back by noon, he passed a lot of territories to deliver this message so I sure hope he’s alright¨ Roman has always thought she was a worried mother even to him when he went on long trips.

Roman stepped out from behind the screen and reassured her ¨ He’s fine! He may act reckless but he's very calculating… but expect him a few hours later than what the estimated time of return” Roman slipped away looking for his shoes. ¨Oh and why is that?¨ she asked, hands on her hips, Roman gave a nervous chuckle. 

Shouldn't have let that slip.

“Roman…” Ruth said in a warning tone. Remy was going to kill him but he didn’t want to die at his nurse’s hands “Remy’s been... seeing... this person a-and when his message trip aligns with where they live… he spends some time with the person so…” Ruth looked at him as if deciding something, “As Remy’s mother, I thank you for telling me the truth..” Roman was relieved “But, as your mother, I have to say…YOU SNITCH! Snitches get stitches for a reason!” Roman laughed genuinely and Ruth joined.

After their giggle fit, they heard someone knock on the door. Ruth went to answer the door, it was a guard “His and her highness request the prince’s presence,” Ruth thanked the guard and turned around and Roman looked mortified, “Roman, you have to talk to them.” Roman had never heard Ruth speak that soft. Roman only felt dread “Ruth I don't want to go” He was genuinely petrified.

“I understand, but they are very understanding and I believe they wouldn't punish you for simply trusting the wrong person” Roman shook his head “ They’re already so protective. They always had me under knight or guard surveillance but now they might do something so I won’t be able to sneak by” Roman was panicking and Ruth noticed, she walked up to him. And took his hand “Roman they just want the best for you…” Roman took his hand away from her own “No! They are just afraid they aren’t going to have an heir after one of them ran away.” Roman's hands were in his hair and his eyes started to glaze over.

Roman was very much not over his brother's apparent “disappearance”

“I understand Remus vanishing has affected your parents over protectiveness, BUT they have always aimed to protect you but after what happened...can you really blame them for it?” Roman sighed, Ruth forced his hands out of his hair, he took a shaky breath to calm down “No, but getting hurt is part of life! So what if I trusted the wrong person? Everyone does!” He gestured to the sky as if it was the only person listening, he felt so defeated. 

“Well I can't change anything so, you should tell your parents that!” She didn’t know what to say to make things better. “I’ll try, let’s just hope they at least try to listen” he left it there and headed out of his bedroom’s oak doors, he never liked disagreeing with Ruth. 

 Roman walked down the long hallway towards the throne room but, of course, he wasn’t alone because that would be too much to ask apparently. Instead he was being escorted to see his parents by the guard that had informed him his parents required him. He already knew what they were going to talk to him about and he was dreading it.

Why did he have to make such a mistake?

Did the universe want him to not trust anyone after what happened?! If it would make the sinking feeling in his stomach leave then he would happily oblige.

The guard stopped at the throne rooms doors and Roman took a deep breath as the guard gave him side eye glance and opened the doors, “You required my presence?” Roman spoke trying to keep his voice steady and his head high, “Yes, Roman, we would actually like to talk to you about last week's event…?” He phrased it as a question a little too late. Roman’s father, King Leonardo, wasn’t an emotionally driven person and never was truly soft with anything he said, but he cared. The way he was soft spoken with Roman was just having the opposite effect that his father wanted.

Roman’s mother, Queen Victoria, was very comforting and always tried to shield her children from harm's way, but coming from a family of royals, she didn't have an example to follow but she wanted to be there for her child. “Roman, my little lion heart, I need you to keep in mind this is for your safety...ok?”  Following everything by the book, always looking and being her best, so she would be a good example even if she wasn't nurturing, all she wished was for Roman to know she loved him and Remus with her whole being, Roman just gave her a tense nod as a response. 

Roman’s Father spoke up, “Roman, you're going to be under knight supervision at all times,” That wasn't as bad as Roman expected, he basically already was! Anything but to be stuck in that damn tower “...And you have to stay in the south tower-” ...He should have knocked on wood. 

“Father, I did nothing wrong! I shouldn't be punished for this-” Romans mother spoke up, she knew both her son and husband could be hot headed. She wanted to stop anything before it got the chance to begin “Roman this isn't to punish you! We want to protect you-” The Queen sounded like she was pleading with her son.

Roman did not hear her plea or just ignored it “...For how long do I have to stay there?” Roman’s mother spoke up, “Don't worry, you'll be there maximum 2-” 

“Indefinitely.” 

The King spoke in a cold unforgiving tone, Roman knew he had messed up big time. Victoria turned to her husband “Leo, we agreed he wouldn't be there for more than 2 fortnights, we agreed on that.” The Queen seemed upset but was obviously attempting not to show such emotion. 

“Those were the rules we agreed to when he was a child and he would grant being punished” Both of Roman’s parents were staring at each other, showing they weren't going to back down.

Roman spoke, “Understood.” His voice was mostly monotone but tight, Victoria turned to him with an apologetic gaze. Roman shook his head. It was his own fault, his mother shouldn't blame herself for his actions. 

“I'll tell Ruth, so we can pack.” Roman turned to leave but his father had more to say. “Before you go, Hugo won't be your assigned knight. One of the new recruits is climbing in status and popularity very quickly and he agreed to-” “babysit” Roman cut in. “-protect you. As long as I recommended him to Queen Marie for her armada” 

As if things couldn't get any better, he had to meet this new recruit, he hoped they would at least get along. Roman just nodded and opened the door to leave. At that moment, Roman’s father called the guard that had escorted Roman to get the new recruit as soon as possible, he just left as quickly as he could. 

His parents knew that not being around people and not being able to talk were some of the worse things that could happen to him. They decided it was going to be the way to punish him. Though, he never stayed for more than a month, now he understood why. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Roman- basically power walked- back to his room, his brain tortured him with memories of his 7 year old self being forced onto the tower for the first time.

No! Please it was an accident-!

I won't do it again!

I won't- Please! 

That was all he said as his father signaled the guards to take him, his mother not being able to look, turned her head away, trying to ignore every motherly instinct in her body to stand up and comfort her child. 

The guards dragged him out of the castle- the only home he knew- and shoved him in a carriage, where Ruth was waiting for him. Ruth had always been happy around him but her expression was unreadable -looking back she seemed angry, he just hadn't seen her that way before- but, Roman didn't care. He threw himself onto Ruth and sobbed his tiny heart out, Ruth trying her best to calm him down, he eventually fell asleep. Three hours later, he was woken up by Ruth.

“Were here, principito”

Roman was scared. Ruth saw it in his eyes. 

“Come on! You offend me, you really think I would let them take you to a scary place?” 

The little royal could only muster a small “no”. Ruth took his hand and walked with him toward a tower. Roman thought it was beautiful, that's the day he figured beautiful things can hurt you. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman never got used to it. He always dreaded the ride there, all the build up to the feeling of nothingness. When he looked up at the tower, he got the same feeling that he did when he was 7, Roman learned to not look up. He’d always prefer being in the tower when he was a kid because, back then they allowed Ruth to stay behind with him. Now she would only go in the carriage with him and leave.

After they stopped allowing Ruth to stay with him, at least he had Hugo to bother, by asking him for stories of his adventures. He didn't have that anymore.

The only adventure story he had now was a vibrant red book, in the book shelf of the tower, the only fictional book in his whole collection. He will admit, it was a very smart move on his parent’s part. They always monitored what he read, filled his whole book shelf in the tower with Philosophy, Math, and Royalty etiquette. When he begged for weeks on end for an adventure book they granted him one but, they made sure it was the only book that was fictional. They wouldn't give him an adventure book based on real events, No! That would be giving Roman too much hope. 

Good move.

[summonerscenarios]

hi juno, i just saw sugar cubes with cat motifs that could double as emergency snacks on twitter today and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen!! that being said, how would the feline transients (of your choosing ofc) would react to MC giving them those cat-shaped sugar cubes for their Valentine gift? thank you in advance! (´ ∀ ` *)

sdfghjgf yikes it’s like 1am but IT STILL COUNTS. HAPPY VALENTINES FOLKS hope ya’ll are treating yourselves with the love and appreciation you deserve!! and here’s a lil post for the day, hope ya like it~!

---------

Durga

With Valentines coming up, Durga wanted to be one of the first to give you a present for the holiday, which means of course she’s gotta be the first to get there and get you something to blow the rest of the competition out of the water. It looks like you had the same idea however, as the pair of you just about barge headfirst into one another right outside of the Yoyogi dorms, sending the pair of you, and your respective gifts, spilling across the floor. It’s a humorous flurry of asking why the other got there so early, apologizing for the collision as the pair of you drop to your knees and check on the packages, and in the mixup Durga ends up picking up your package instead of her own.

Thankfully, the contents haven’t spilled over but the packaging is more than a little ruffled, and as her thumbs move to smooth the wrapping back out she spots the little name scribbled into the top corner. Her name, to be precise.

Durga lifts her head up to look over at you as you hold up her package, and from the expression on your face as you look at the little attached tag that she’d scrawled your name onto, you’re just as surprised as she is. You can’t help but laugh - what are the chances that you both ended up running into each other after looking for the other? Durga finds herself laughing along too at the sight of your grinning, and once it dies down you start urging her to open up her valentines gift; you really wanna see what she thinks of it!

While Durga tries to avoid sugary stuff, she can’t really deny her sweet tooth when you’ve gone out of your way to get her something so sweet, and that, coupled with the cute little cat motifs make her cave before she even sees your face, hopeful that she’ll like them. Plus, it’s valentine's day, right? She can make an exception juuust this once...it’s a stroke of luck that they’re the perfect thing to snack on while watching you open your own valentine’s gift, hiding her face in the box seeing your expression light up once you’ve peeled the wrapping away to look at the present she got you as a show of appreciation (and maybe something more who knows…)

Tezcatlipoca

It was the little cat motifs that sold you on buying the sugar cubes - they were just too cute to pass up! And it didn’t help that as soon as you’d seen them the first person that came to mind is Tezcatlipoca, if anything it’s what convinced you to buy them just for him to enjoy with valentine’s day coming up! Wrapping them all up was fun too - it had taken a while to get the kind of paper you were looking for, along with getting it all wrapped up and looking presentable enough to impress. There was a lot of care taken into getting them all the way over to the base, including having to bribe some of the luchadores with treats to slip the box past with you (which you would have done anyways, it was fun seeing them bristling with excitement when you’d pulled out some chocolate boxes you’d got just for them), but you’re sure it would all be worth it once you actually got the gift handed off to the jaguar therian - he’s all about sacrifice, so maybe giving would be nice for a change~!

That ends up going about as well as one expects, and you realize that once you pull the gift out from behind your back and hold it out to him the moment he whirls around, flashing him a beaming smile as you present it to him. Deadass thinks it’s a trick at first - he stares down at the box like he's waiting for some kind of test as if you’ve got a hidden trick up your sleeve, which unless he’s expecting the trick to be those tiny little cubes of sugar (in which case someone spilled the beans on your gift), is completely unwarranted. In the end you have to explain that because it’s valentines day, a day where you share your affections to others in the form of gifts, you decided you’d get a little something for him, with it being a holiday and all. (that he of course knows...maybe...not.)

That’s when Texcatlipoca takes the box off of your hands, and you’re kind of anxious watching him peel away the wrapping and pull out the small container of treats. He flicks open the lid with ease, and is greeted by rows of small, finely decorated sugar cubes, with cutesy cat faces and small, paw shaped confections for good measure. Adorable is the best way to describe what you’d gifted the feline, and as his eyes flicker over the lid of the container to look at you, you find yourself giggling and sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck as you explain that when you’d seen them you’d thought of him, so who better to give it too, right? You’re quick to add that they serve as great emergency snacks in a pinch too, hoping the double use was as appealing an idea to Tez as it was to you.

He’s not one to be outdone by your gifting gesture, so be warned that upon accepting your gift Tezcatlipoca is going to see this as a chance to outdo the gesture tenfold before valentine’s day has come to a close - you’ve caught him off guard with your small gift, and he’s going to return that sentiment in abundance, excited to see how you’ll react to the surprise.

Sitri

Sitri’s opening up more to valentine's day this time around, though you still thought you’d twist up the gift from the typical chocolate that people give out and think outside the box in terms of valentine’s gifts. The only trouble was picking out what you were actually going to buy - you wanted something that would make for a nice gift, as well as something that Sitri would appreciate and enjoy, so you’d wracked your head thinking of the perfect gift for the upcoming holiday.

That’s when you’d come across the sugar cubes - you’d actually heard about them from Ryota when he’d gushed about a store specializing in cat themed treats and how they were coming out with a valentine’s line. It was the perfect place to start looking for a gift, and so as soon as you had a free moment, you’d stopped by and managed to snag yourself a box of the cute little cubes before they’d gone out of stock. You had the option to get them pre-packaged, but you’d instead opted to hand-wrap them yourself so that you could include one or two other little goodies that you’d gotten for the occasion. It took a bit longer than you thought it would have, but by the time you’ve got it packaged up and tucked neatly away in a little gift bag, it’s right in time for valentines day, so you’re eager to head out and deliver your gift to the feline transient first thing after school. 

Even though you’ve gotten him valentines gifts in the past, Sitri’s still surprised and a little flustered when you come up to him, holding out the gift bag to him with a warm smile and greeting of “Happy valentines, Sitri!” as you present him with the gift you’d picked out. That reaction is only amplified once he opens the lid and looks down at the cute cat cubes looking back up at him with adorable faces and whiskers decals to really seal the feline look the treats have got going on. Admittedly, they’re not usually the kind of thing Sitri goes for, mostly thanks to those years chasing the ‘cool cat’ ideal, but as he’s opened up more, as well as with your expression anxiously waiting for his response, he finds himself not minding the gift in the slightest. If anything, he’s more worried about the gift that he got you - you’ve put so much thought into his gifts, he hopes that your gifts can hold a candle to them as he fishes out his own gift to give to you.

Nomad

With valentine’s coming around once again, you were determined to get Nomad something this time around. Sure, you’d gotten him things in the past, but those had mostly been in the form of time spent together going out to eat places and such; this time you wanted to go out of you way to get him a gift from the heart, something that would help convey your appreciation for the gruff tiger therian. Even if it was just a small little gift, you were set on going out and getting him something, which is exactly what you do the moment the shops start setting up for the holiday in question...you just really wish you had a better idea of the kind of thing that Nomad would like to receive. 

You don’t really peg him as the chocolates for valentines kind of guy - he’s worked enough valentine’s gigs you’re sure he’d like an alternative gift for a change - so you’d sought out something you wouldn’t normally have picked. Which is what led to you finding those sugary treats, and the moment you looked at them in the little decorative boxes on the display stand, you just knew that those were the treats you were going to gift Nomad with.

You don’t end up giving Nomad his ‘gift’ face-to-face however. Something came up that pulled you away from being able to give them to him in person (because seriously, what is with you getting dragged into other people’s problems during the holidays? You need a break), so you ended up having to leave them back at his office. By the time that he finally returns to the office he finds the small, cutely decorated box perched precariously right in the middle of his desk, with a small note attached to the top. Confused, but interest peaked enough to approach, the therian plucks the note off with one hand and picks up the box as he settles into his desk chair, reading over your hastily scrawled message.

‘Sorry I couldn’t give this in person but I hope you like em! Apparently they double as emergency snacks, that’s neat,huh? - call me later and tell me what you think! xx’

Popping open the lid of the box, Nomad soon finds out what your message was talking about, and he plucks up one of the cubes between his claws as he holds it up, brows quirking as he takes in the cutesy cat motifs that have been meticulously molded with the sugar cubes to make an undeniably adorable design. He shakes his head a little at the thought of how much bother you must have put yourself through getting so worked up trying to find these little sugar cubes. With that being said he definitely ends up keeping them - after all, imagining how excited you’ll get is enough to make him pluck a few out to try as he fishes out his phone to give you a call.

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 2/5

“Without you around, it’s sorta like stuff is just kinda…bleh.“

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Yusuke wasn’t too sure if what he was doing was of the right mind, but his heart is definitely in the right place.

There’s a lapse in time between Jails and hitting the road. Everyone is out soaking in the last of Sendai; Ryuji and Akira (and by extension, Sophia) are on a quest to buy any last minute supplies that they might need while the girls and Morgana are taking in the sights that they didn’t quite manage to explore as much as they’d like.

Well, the girls who like crowds and sightseeing are on a quest, at least.

Futaba and Yusuke are in the trailer by their own volition—he didn’t need to see anything else that wasn’t a timeless statue, and he learned early in his life that if you pace your spendings, you can then use that money to spend in the future. Quite the contrary, Futaba has had a little too much excitement these past few days and is more than happy to hide away in her top bunk with only her laptop charger peeking out from the bottom of her fleece blanket.

(A cartoon rendition of the Sendai temple is printed onto the fleece. Apparently Haru had yet to see Futaba purchase anything ‘tourist-y’ and action figures of various anime characters don’t seem to count.)

He tugs on her laptop cord. “Hello.”

“...What?” she grunts, voice slightly muffled. Through the thin fabric, he can see the illumination from her screen.

“I need help reacting to something.”

“And you decided to ask me?” she deadpans. “The literal shut-in?”

“The previous shut-in,” he corrects. “You haven’t been a shut-in in nearly a year. A marvelous feat, if I do say so myself.”

“Yeah, and this is my way of celebrating.” The lump on the bed seems to curl further in on itself. “Begone. Do a painting or something. This is my me time. The equivalent of guzzling down a boat load of Arginade. There’s barely any time to be by myself considering the whole group is treating this RV like a pimped out party bus, so shoo.”

J-pop starts playing from inside the blanket fort, and even Yusuke knows a dismissal when he hears one. That won’t stop him, though.

He tugs again, harder. “That is the reason I’m asking you now. I can’t have this be heard by prying ears.”

Had there been a cat on the bunk bed, its ears would have twitched. “Is this…?”

“Yes,” he nods sagely. “It’s a secret.”

Futaba’s head pops out, eyes wide and nearly glowing in excitement. If there was one thing that she liked more than recovering her energy, it's uncovering every nook and cranny of people’s lives, whether they want it or not.

“Inari, you should’ve said something!” She throws the blanket off herself, snatches her laptop in her arms and jumps down. Slamming it down on the booth, she throws herself on top of the smooth faux leather. “Tell me everything. The deets, the specs, all down to the last dirty drop of tea.”

He slides in to join her, albeit much slower. “Before you tell me that I misled you, I want to make it clear: I don’t know what the secret is.”

“What!” she slaps her forehead, groaning. “Yusuke, why would you do me like that? That’s false advertising to the max, and I do not appreciate you tricking me.”

“There wasn’t a trace of trickery. What I’m about to say really does have to do with a secret, but I need your help with how to deal with it.”

“I’m gonna level with you here pal,” she puts a hand on his wrist. “I’m not the right person for this, but I’d be darned if I let you walk away without telling me anything. So let’s hear it! I’m ready for some juicy goss. Oh! Can I guess? Is it about Haru?”

He frowns. “No. Is there something about Haru?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I was asking you!” she says, patting her hands rapidly on the table. “Come on, just spill the beans already.”

“There are no ‘beans’ to spill yet, and besides, that sounds like a waste of perfectly good food.” He leans back against the plush cushion. Only a pinch of guilt arises in him as he says it. “It’s about Ryuji.”

“Ooo, Skull himself. Gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting him.”

“It relieves me that you said that. I share the same sentiment—it wasn’t until I had run into him the night before when I had started to truly suspect something. And what I found was…” he trails off.

Her lips pull downwards. “That bad?”

“It was worrying, to say the least.”

She sighs. Most of the energy in her seemed to have filed out in the presence of a more serious topic. “Dang. I knew it was fishy when he left, but he’s always been able to just hash things out on his own.” Her expression changes as an idea pops into her head, and it morphs into one he recognizes. “Does—?”

“No. Akira doesn’t know, apparently.”

Futaba splutters, and he has to resist the urge to nod his head at her reaction. “He—Akira—wait, what? He doesn’t know? Oh, it must be bad bad.”

“My thoughts exactly. Initially, I had thought that whatever this was, it was manageable. Like that time he had spent his month’s allowance on a claw machine to win Makoto that light-up buchimaru.” Idly, he touches her keyboard lightly, appreciating the kaleidoscope of colors that emanate from it. “You know how I feel. We’re the Phantom Thieves; we can’t allow anyone to suffer alone, even if the one we’re helping is a Phantom Thief himself.”

Futaba raises an eyebrow. “And how do you want to help him?” she asks. “By talking to him? Let’s be real, you and I have the lowest social stat in this group. Combined, we can maybe reach the nerd student council president, and the guy who can and should handle this doesn’t even know about it!” Biting down on her lip, “Should we tell Akira?”

“Absolutely not. That was the one thing he had requested, and we cannot go against it. By extension, I don’t think we should tell anyone else.” A thought comes to him. “Wait, he mentioned that Ann knows of his situation.”

“Great! Someone who knows how to deal with people’s problems and isn’t us. What are we waiting for?” She reaches for her phone, and Yusuke proceeds to smack her hand out of the way. “Ow?”

“Don’t call her!” he hisses. “Ryuji said that she’s, and I quote, ‘part of the problem’. We can’t have her knowing that we know something.”

“Ann is?” Futaba exclaims, shoving her glasses up her nose. “This is getting too deep. We don’t even know anything yet, and it’s really starting to feel like we’re part of some conspiracy.”

“That’s right, we don’t know anything, and it is our largest road block.” Yusuke crosses his arms. “We don’t know what happened between Ryuji and Ann, or if something even occurred between Ryuji and Ann. What if they had an argument? What if they’re fighting, and it becomes irreparable between them? What if it begins affecting our Jail runs?”

“You really gave this some thought, huh?”

“But of course. I must nurture the few friends that I have managed to treasure.” He glances outside and sees the crowds clambering to see their tourist spot. “We may be different from most teenagers, but I don’t believe we’re immune to the nature of cliques or dramas or even insecurities.”

“God, what a good friend you are, it’s bugging me,” Futaba accuses. “So what the heck, Mr. Philanthropist? We’re stuck between a rock and our friend group here. This mission was doomed before you even dragged me out from my hideout,” she says, eyes drifting away to stare longingly back at her bunk bed.

“Stop making that expression. There’s a reason why I talked to you about this.” He leans forward. “What I’m asking is, to be frank, unfavorable, but I really do believe that it’s worth it to do this.”

She looks at him, and it only takes her a few seconds for realization to set in. Her jaw drops. “Oh Inari, that’s vile.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with it—”

“I didn’t say I was uncomfortable with it,” she cuts in. The grin on her face is wide; a woman in her element. “I just thought you’re the one who’d be all against this kind of thing.”

Futaba pulls her laptop towards her. “Sit back and observe the master at work.”

He watches as her fingers breeze through the keyboard, eyes inscrutable as light reflects off of her glasses. “So you can do it?”

“I’ve hacked into the Diet Building’s security cameras on a dare back when I was twelve,” she snorts. “This is Mario Kart Baby Park with the railings up.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“It means—” With a flourish, she hits a key before glancing up at him, smug. “That this will be very easy. I’m thinking we can start with their text messages and work our way up to the big stuff.”

“Oh, right. You can go through our phones,” he grimaces. “You’ve stopped doing that, yes?”

“Of course I have! By the way, did you figure out what courses you wanted next term? I saw your advisor was bugging you about it, you should really email her back.”

“Yes, I’ve finally decided on sculpting as opposed to visual photography since it lets me focus on the anatomy of...” he pauses. “Wait—”

“Okay, looks like I got his text messages with Ann, so let’s all focus on this now!” she says loudly. “Scooch over, let’s go through ‘em.”

He does, and she moves to sit next to him. Yusuke peers at her screen. “Nothing out of the ordinary. There is a significant drop in the frequency of his replies, but that’s been the case for me as well.”

“Same here.” She continues scrolling up rapidly, so fast he wonders how she can keep up with herself. “Memes, memes, lots of ‘where you at’ texts, more memes…”

Something catches his eye. “Hold. Go down slightly, I think that link might be interesting.”

“‘How to treat knee pain: 11 steps with pictures’?” she reads aloud. “His knee is acting up again?”

“What’s peculiar is that I haven’t seen any sign of it.” He squints at Ryuji’s response to it—generic gratitude. “Even in Jails, he runs around without a care in the world.”

“What’s even weirder is that Ann is actually sending Ryuji wikihow links on how to treat his knee,” she snorts. “Let’s put a pin in this one and move on, Ann’s chat is chalking up to be a dead end.”

Rubbing her hands together, she straightens up like a professor in front of a lecture hall on the first day of classes. “Now Yusuke, when you’re looking to crack someone open like a tasty, moist omelette, there are two things that you must look into: their email and their bank account.”

After some clicking, Ryuji’s email pops up. “Email is obvious, since this pretty much tracks anything big. Delivery shipments, subscriptions to websites, acceptance letters. It’s all here in a neat little bow, ready for us to read.”

“‘Manga’s are 20% off for this weekend only,” he reads. “‘Anime convention next weekend’, ‘Pizza coupons’.”

“Ugh, he’s so boring! Next!” Clicking sounds through the RV, emphasizing how much they were snooping through their friend’s private life. “Bank account, show us your wisdom.”

“My word,” Yusuke gasps when the tab opens up. “That’s quite a lot of funds.”

“Inari, four thousand yen is definitely not a lot of money. How much do you have in yours?”

“I don’t have an account,” he admits. “I was on my way to the bank to open one, but I ran out of train fare. By the time I had gotten there, it was already closed. Quite rude, considering that it was only two o’clock.”

She levels him with a look. “Was it a Sunday when you did all this?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Never mind,” she shakes her head. “Okay, so nothing conclusive or even embarrassing. That means that whatever this is, he really doesn’t want anyone knowing about it.”

Futaba hops out of the booth and starts rummaging through everyone’s luggage. “That means we unlock the secret, classic, never goes out of style method of snooping—” with an expression of triumph, she showcases Ryuji’s backpack to him. “Going through their stuff IRL.”

Yusuke winces. “Don’t you think we might be going too far?”

“Hey, what’s with the cold feet? Where was your ‘justice’ from before?”

“I’m all for justice,” he watches her unzip the backpack, recoiling. “But even this seems a little excessive.”

“Look, we already went through his email, his bank account, his text messages. At this point, it’s kind of weird if we don’t find anything. Like—” she throws a pair of shorts behind her as she rummages. “What kind of teenage boy doesn’t have anything to hide? And also, it’d be kinda messed up to go through his stuff and come up empty-handed. If we didn’t find anything—” she pulls out several t-shirts and a crowbar and places them on the ground next to her. “Then we’d just be a bunch of snoops.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he reluctantly agrees. “Above all else, we need to find out what’s happened in his life to make him so upset.”

“Exactly. Oh man, wouldn’t it be crazy if we just found some porn mags or something? Retro to the max, but I can totally see him as the kind of guy to lug something like that along. Unless it’s of Akira.” She makes a face. “Ew. Funny thought is no longer funny.”

“Karma, if you will.”

“Shut it. Oh ho ho, what do we have here?”

“You found something?”

“It’s some fancy looking letter.” Futaba flops herself on the ground. She clears her throat. “'Sakamoto Ryuji. This letter is to inform you that…'” she stops all of a sudden.

“Futaba?” he probes.

“Um,” she blinks, and laughs nervously. “Um?”

He reaches over, and she doesn’t resist when it slips out of her hands. Skimming through the letter, only his eyes dare to move. When he finishes, he lets out a breath. “Oh no.”

“We shouldn't've read that,” she whispers, a perfect summation of what he was feeling. “We really should not have read that.”

—

There’s something to be said about the quayside in Sendai, in the way that it’s almost exactly like Tokyo.

Sure, the buildings here are definitely shorter—gone are the towering structures back home, and instead they’re replaced with shorter structures with cute local designs and colorful patio restaurants. The people here are different, too. Maybe it’s something to do with the water here, in how it’s cleaner and how you can actually see some fish down in the canals if you know where to look. Don’t even get him started in the air; jeez, do they infuse the oxygen here with something? He hasn’t stopped taking deep breaths ever since they got here.

But despite all of those discrepancies, the feeling of Akira’s hand in his is just like being home.

“And it’s actually really interesting,” he hears vaguely. “Because back in Leblanc, there used to be a couple issues about the temperature and stuff, but in my hometown there’s…Ryuji? Are you even listening to me?“

Akira’s telling him something. A story about Morgana? And Ryuji’s sure it’s very interesting, but he’s too focused on the way that sunlight hits his cheekbones.

“I’m listening,” he lies. “Keep going. This is just my listening face, I promise.”

“Sure, sure,” Akira agrees easily. “That’s just your listening face, rather than me and my wicked good looks, right? I totally believe you.” He wiggles his fingers. “Give.”

Ryuji offers him the caramel ice cream cone in his other hand, letting him bite into it like some kind of psychopath. “Done?” he asks, shifting the tote bag tucked into the crook of his elbow, careful not to rattle the eggs inside. Akira bravely offered to carry the groceries, but he had obviously refused.

“Mmm. That’s good stuff.”

“Right? I read about the ice cream here when I was younger, and they were really hyping it up on the ad.” He takes a lick, grinning when the taste hits his tongue. “And on a summer day like this? Unbeatable. It’s really reminding me of last summer when we hung out everyday in your room eating crap, taking naps, and playing games.” It also helped that hanging out with his crush was a daily thing, he thought.

“And I got to hangout with my crush a lot too, so that’s always a plus,” Akira adds.

Ryuji stops, and Akira turns around to give him a weird look. “What?”

“You get me,” he says in awe.

“I sure hope so,” he tugs him forward, and they continue their walk, their shoes rhythmically landing on the wood in unison. A comfortable silence takes over, but that’s no good. Ryuji wants to hear him talk.

“So imagine you get ten million yen,” he starts. “What do you do with it?”

It’s not the first time he’s asked this. They discuss it often, eagerly like the dreaming boys they both are. Akira considers it and Ryuji loves that about him. It doesn’t matter how stupid his questions are—he will always answer them with as if it were a serious question.

“For starters, Yusuke’s getting a place as soon as possible.”

“Duh,” he snorts. “Apparently, his roommate brought someone back to hook up with them. Poor guy got so traumatized he slept over at Haru’s.”

“We should be glad that he didn’t ask them for poses,” Akira laughs. “Next, I’m making sure that Sojiro has enough for retirement.”

“Obviously. Rest in peace Leblanc—you make fire coffee, but no one’s there to drink it.”

“And then I’m making sure your mom has the funds for retirement for sure.”

“I love you,” he sighs.

“I know.” Akira starts swinging their hands back and forth. “Then with the rest, I’ll buy us some new shoes for when we start training again together, and whatever’s left we can split it up with the rest of the Thieves and they can do what they want with it.”

“I bet Ann would go on a shopping spree in France,” he says.

“Haru would probably donate hers.”

“Makoto’s is going straight into university. I can see her going in to get a Masters with that kind of money.”

Ryuji refuses to let his expression fall. “That’s her. Big bookworm with a capital B.” Stop talking about this, stop talking about this. “How about you, Sophia? Any clue what you’ll do with a boatful of moolah?”

A harmonic beep rings through the air and Akira passes her over to him. “I would invest in cryptocurrency and turn ten million into one hundred million,” she says cheerfully. “Then I would take that hundred million and turn it into one billion yen.”

Ryuji coughs, sliding her into his back pocket. “You know what? That’s my bad. I should’ve expected that, honestly.”

Akira plucks the remainder of their ice cream cone from his hand and throws it in his mouth, munching. Wordlessly, he takes out a pack of wet-wipes from his pockets and hands it to Ryuji.

“Thanks.” Reluctantly dropping his hand, he thoroughly cleans through his sticky fingers. “You didn’t ask me what I was gonna do with my money.”

He nods in a go ahead way.

“After I give most of it to my mom, I was just gonna give the rest to you.” Ryuji kicks a stray pebble. It skirts off the edge of the boardwalk. There’s a tug on his arm. “Yeah?”

Akira covers his mouth with a hand, before making an incomprehensible garble of noise.

“Huh? My bad, I didn’t catch that.”

A few seconds of vigorous chewing, he swallows. “I said,” Akira says, eyes glimmering the way it does when he gets really excited. “I was going to do the exact same thing.”

“Dude!” Ryuji throws his arm around his shoulders, tugging him in close. “You understand me like no one else does. What the eff!”

“I’m glad,” he says softly. Wrapping his arm around him, Ryuji blinks at the unexpected hug. “It’s nice that we're on the same wavelength.”

Suspicion tingles across Ryuji’s skin. “Hold up.” Pulling away, he squints his eyes at him. “No.”

Akira immediately looks to the side. “What?” he says, defensive. “It’s nothing.”

“No freaking way.”

“I think I saw a cool arcade back there, it has cool prizes that I think you’d like, and—“

“Kurusu Akira,” he says sternly, grabbing his face between his hands. “Don’t tell me that you’re jealous.”

“I’m not!” he insists, pushing his glasses higher on his nose. “I’m not, you know I’m not that type of guy.”

“But?” Ryuji prompts.

“But…” he hesitates. “I’d be happy for you, if you find that it’s easier to talk to other people that aren’t me.” Akira straightens up, pulling out of Ryuji’s grasp but inspects his hand like it were something to be studied. How strange it was to see his long, elegant fingers grasp his brutish, blistered ones. “I’m relieved that I didn’t leave you alone. I just...miss being your go-to, I think.”

“Akira.” He says slowly. “My man. The love of my fucking life. You are never not gonna be my go-to. You’re my go-one.” Rapping his knuckles against Akira’s temple carefully, “Your hometown is messing with you up here, making you say weird shit like that.”

“I know, I know.” Running his index finger down his wrist, Ryuji can feel how cold he is. “You knew what you were getting into when you started dating an overthinker.”

“As a chronic underthinker, no, I did not.” He kisses Akira’s palm. “But it works out, so it’s all good.”

Turning them both around, Ryuji starts walking. “I know this is super duper impossible for a guy like you, but I’m gonna have to ask you for a favor.”

“Anything.”

“You have got, to the best of your ability,” he bumps into Akira’s shoulder. “Stop stressing out.”

He frowns. “It’s my job to stress out.”

“It’s our job to stress out,” he corrects. “You and me. Founding Thieves. We share the burden, bro. We got into this together, we’re getting out of it together. That includes you worrying about our relationship outside the ‘Verse, and extend it all the way to what dingy hometown you took the bullet train from.”

“I’ll try,” he says doubtfully. “You’re kind of enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean? No way I can enjoy the most perfect person on the planet be a little jealous over his boyfriend getting attention, what kind of asshole would I be?” And before Akira can say anything, “I know, not jealous, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“I love you.”

“I know,” he flashes a peace sign.

“I know you know.” A group of middle schoolers pass them, chattering about nothing and pointing out random things on the quay, all enjoying their summer vacation. “You know that you can tell me anything, right?” he asks suddenly.

Unable to help himself, he ruffles Akira’s hair, pitch black and hot to the touch. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

“I don’t?”

Gray eyes look into his brown ones, earnest and trusting. Just like that, the light feeling in Ryuji’s chest vanishes. “No,” he responds slowly. “You don’t.”

“Good,” Akira nods, and sees where they were heading towards. “Oh, you took that seriously?”

“You bet your crisp ass I did,” he says, pushing the glass door open. The arcade is bright, neon, and littered with claw machines. Add that to the list of similarities from Tokyo. “I don’t fuck around with arcades. I’m in the top hundred players in the Gun Gale in Shinjuku.”

“Was that with Shinya or without?”

“Not important.” He surveys the area. “There it is. Can you grab us some change? I’ll pay you back.”

Akira waves his hand, walking towards the coin machine. “Don’t. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I let you pay for our dates?”

“A hot one!” he yells. When he turns the corner, Ryuji collapses into a bright red racing chair. “Fuck,” he hisses, heart beating too damn fast for it to be normal. “Chill out, Sakamoto, jesus.”

It only gets worse when a familiar beep rings out. “Ryuji, your heart rate is at 160. Is everything alright?”

“Sophia!” he wheezes out, relieved. “Can you—will—” he stops, scrunching his eyes closed. “I’m having a panic attack, I think.”

“Searching for how to treat panic attacks,” she says immediately, and he sags into the cool plastic gratefully. “Deep breaths will help, slowly to the count of ten.”

His heart is beating so hard that he can barely hear the jingles and the whirrs of the machines around him. “Count out loud. Hurry, before he gets back.”

She does, and he grips the side of the chair as he focuses on breathing. The attack passes by faster than he hoped it would. “Thank god,” he breathes. “Thank you.”

“No prob,” she says, before hesitating. “Akira—”

“Will not know about this,” he cuts her off, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’ll tell him eventually, don’t worry, et cetera. I know all this. Ann’s been hounding me non-freakin’-stop. Just don’t tell him, Soph. Please.”

Before she can say anything, Akira comes back, pockets full of change and that signature small smile resting on his lips.

—

The bright side about missing out on Sapporo’s snow festival is having its tourism as its lowest point when you visit it in the summer.

Even the shopping district just outside Susikino isn’t very crowded; there’s the usual street vendors and shops with bright pastries and cute clothes. But even having it right beside the Sapporo Tower, it’s still nothing uncomfortable. At least, it’s not uncomfortable when you get to observe the environment through a phone lens.

“This is nice, isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve had much of an opportunity to talk to you yet, which is quite rude of me.”

“No prob,” Sophia replies easily. She was swaying from Haru’s neck, hanging by a silicone phone holder that she had bought from a convenience store. Futaba had guffawed when she saw it, but Sophia’s happy about the purchase. It’s fun, and it lets her people watch from the perspective of one of her friends. “I have been meaning to talk to everyone one by one as to better understand each of you.”

“Oh, good! What better use of a nice chat while doing some shopping along the way?” Haru chirps, thumbing through a rack of out-of-season clearance sweaters as they pass. “I have to admit, I’m not the best when it comes to fashion and whatnot. Most of the time, I ask Ann-chan to accompany me.”

“I can try my best! Online websites are constantly updating in order to provide their readers with the newest trends.” Idly, she takes a peek. “Wide-legged pants are back in style.”

“That’s a relief,” she sighs. “I never pulled off skinny jeans too well. Long, flowy skirts have always been my thing. It just gives off such a nice aesthetic, doesn’t it?”

Sophia smiles. “I think you’d look good in anything. Have you considered going punk? You’d look very dope and intimidating with a black streak in your hair and a leather jacket.”

“Now that I can agree with, but that’s more Mako-chan’s style, I’m afraid.” She pauses. “Actually, I bet Mako-chan would actually like that. Sometimes I feel as though she isn’t willing to branch out of her circle of clothes past a pair of Oxfords and a deep-coloured sweater. A push might be what she needs.”

She considers this. “Is it possible to buy clothes for her? That can be a possible ‘push’, quote unquote.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so. She would never let us do such a thing.”

“One moment.” Pulling out a few files from inside her memory storage, she clears her throat. “According to my data analysis, Niijima Makoto has high difficulty straying away from well-mannered behaviours. Do you think that includes saying no to gifts given to her? That can be advantageous.”

Haru stops walking and pulls the phone up so that they’re at eye-level. “Sophia-chan,” she beams. “I have a feeling we’re going to be very good friends.”

They continue walking down the street when Haru gasps suddenly. “You literally can’t shop, can you?”

“Of course I can. I can get anything in the world for you,” she says proudly. “Anything.”

“Alright, we’ll have to test that later, but I mean you can’t use what you buy,” she frowns, eyes troubled. “Your sweater is adorable, but you’re forced to wear it everyday, right? Can you even do your hair differently? Is it possible for you to pin it, or even let it down?”

Sophia finds it endearing that she would let such a thing bother her. She doesn’t even have a social insurance number, but Haru’s worried about hair clips. “No, but I quite like it the way it is. It doesn’t get in the way when I do my work, and in the Metaverse, it gets completely hidden as to let me do my fighting,” she explains, karate chopping in her screen. “But I can understand the human desire for change.”

“Would you like that?” Haru asks gently. “To change? Um, change out of your clothes, and change mentally. Either one.”

“Change mentally, of course! I’d love to understand my friends better and understand how to help them. It’s a vast mountain of knowledge, but I’d want nothing more than to decode the mystery of the human heart,” she says eagerly. “But for clothes...I’m not sure. I haven’t tried it. I’m pretty sure I can’t try it.”

“That settles it,” Haru looks both ways before crossing the street, jogging slightly.

Sophia perks up. “If you’re heading somewhere specific, I can give you directions.”

“No need.” She has an intense, hungry look on her face, not unlike the one she had when the new axe Akira bought had finally arrived at their RV. “We’re just about here.”

They stop in front of a store, and she can barely read the sign from the phone’s angle. “‘Case in Point’?”

Haru pushes the glass door open, greeting the cashier. “It’s a phone modifier shop.”

There’s no effort to explain anything else, but Sophia can confidently add ‘anticipation’ onto her growing list of experienced feelings.

—

“Out of curiosity—” Haru begins as they exit the modifier store, the cashier still bug-eyed from the tip she had left at his counter. “Can you see everything inside Akira-kun’s phone?”

“Yes,” she replies. The environment that she lives in, and more specifically, Akira’s phone, is now a bright, perfectly polished shade of rose gold with a mint outline. A far cry from the matte black that it was before. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Her voice is sweet as sugar. “Out of curiosity once again, is there anything interesting? Anything worth noting?”

She jumps as Sophia’s voice suddenly morphs into Akira’s without warning. “Nice try,” the phone plays. “But no.”

And just as quick, Sophia comes back to the phone. “Sorry about leaving,” she says. “Akira had asked me to play that clip if someone ever, and I quote, ‘tried me.’”

Haru giggles. “Just like Akira-kun to be so thorough. Impressive as always, leader.” She peers down at her watch. “I suppose it’s about time to head back, isn’t it?”

“We still have eight minutes to spare.”

“We do. Perhaps we should take a stroll around the park?”

“Cool,” she says. “Wanna ask Futaba and Yusuke if they want to come with?”

“Sure?” Haru blinks. “That’s very specific.”

“On your two o’clock,” she points out. “In front of the book store.”

They watch as Futaba and Yusuke stand across the street from them. Futaba is aggressively pointing her finger at the books on display, then slapping her fist against her palm like she was devising a war strategy. Yusuke shakes his head wildly, comically putting his hands in his pockets and revealing that there was nothing inside. She sighs and walks away, tugging along a dejected boy behind her.

“Aren’t you going to ask them?”

“In a moment.” Haru takes them to the front of the store. “This isn’t a bookstore, I don’t think. What’s it called Sophia?”

After a quick search: “‘Sapporo’s School Supply Store’,” she says. “The alliteration makes it fun to say.”

“Indeed it does.” Peering into the store, Haru makes an introspective noise. “Now isn’t this interesting?” she hums. “Do you mind if I make one more purchase?”

“Not at all,” Sophia says, thrilled to add another point she had learned: If Haru wants something, there’s nothing that will get in her way.

—

“So,” Makoto starts, and Ryuji has to hold back a groan. He knows that tone. He’s memorized that tone. All the second years can feel her tone from a mile away. Hell, Ann probably took an instinctive step back just now. “Have you started to think about university?”

“Nope,” he says, wiping the sweat off his brow as they jog around the corner of Odori park. Back before he had left for his hometown, Akira and Ryuji would be up at dawn to train. Lately though, he’s been using any free time he has that isn’t planning for, prepping for, or actively doing a Jail run to sleep in the RV. And hey, he has no beef with Makoto, and it’s not like she can’t keep up with his training (she can most definitely kick his ass in hand-to hand), but she has a tendency to push when it comes to this sort of stuff. “Not a single thought towards it. It’s been pretty good, actually.”

“I can tell,” she agrees. “It’s almost like you blocked my number.”

“I did not!”

“So you actively choose not to answer any of my texts?”

“Ugh, don’t set me up like that,” he winces. “You know I’m stupid enough to fall for shit like that everytime.”

“Hold on.”

Ryuji grunts as he feels a hold on his shirt, forcing him to stop. “Ew, don’t touch my back, it’s Nigeria there.”

“First of all, it’s Niagara.” She spins him around. He’s only a little taller than her, but something about her always seems to tower over him. “Second, do you know why I keep pushing all of you to go to university?”

“Because you hate us?” he mumbles.

Makoto glares at him. “Try again.”

“...Because you don’t hate us?”

“Because I don’t hate you,” she repeats. “You’re all rowdy and wild and sometimes I don’t understand the jokes you make—”

“You’re just mad ‘cause you fell for a deez nuts joke.”

“But I do, inexplicably, love all of you,” she pushes on, and that shuts him up. “I know what you’re all capable of. Amazing things! I understand you all believe that I’m the be-all end-all, and I appreciate your compliments, but there are some things that only Ann can do, or Akira, or Yusuke.”

Makoto continues running, and he reluctantly follows suit. “And you. You can achieve things that I can’t even dream of, Ryuji.”

He resists the urge to yawn. “Thanks for the pep talk, Niijima.” Looking left, the gelato is looking real good. “Wanna get something to eat? I’m starving.”

“You aren’t very good at hiding secrets, Ryuji.”

Now that grabbed his attention. “Whoa, whoa, whoa there, prez!” Speeding past her, he holds out a hand to make her stop. “What do you mean by that?”

She raises a brow. “Nothing in particular, but your reaction is showing me that I should have meant something by it.”

He gnaws on the inside of his cheek roughly. “Okay, but why did that come into your brain? Why do you think I have some kinda secret?”

“I live with a prosecutor everyday of my life, of course I know when something’s afoot.” Pushing her hair back, she squints up at him. “You’ve been more...jumpy lately, yet somehow more laid-back than usual. I wanted to talk to Akira about this—”

Blood pours into his mouth when he accidentally bites too hard. “You talked to Akira?!” he half yells, red dribbling from the corner of his lips.

“Oh my god!”

“Fuck,” he clamps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry. Bit too hard.”

“N-no! Don’t apologize!” she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a napkin, pulling him to a stone ledge. “Sit and take this so you don’t bleed all over yourself. I’ll be back.”

He doesn’t bother speaking, only nods as she turns around. When she comes back, she’s holding a water bottle. “Here.”

Taking it gratefully, he takes deep gulps before spitting it out. “Why the hell does this taste like the beach?” he splutters.

“I didn’t say to drink it! It’s salt water to get rid of infections!”

“Why would you do that to me?!”

“Because I thought you knew to do that from the second-year health class!” she shoots back. “Gargle it and spit. Near the gutter, mind you, it’s rude to spit in front of kids. They might get the wrong idea.”

As if kids are gonna see him and think that there’s something worth remembering. He sips, sloshing it around his mouth before gently letting it dribble into the grated sewer. “Blegh.”

“You’re welcome. Keep at it. And while you’re doing that,” she sits next to him, shoulder to shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what’s been making you anxious?”

He pauses. “Anxious?”

Makoto gives him a stern look. “‘Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.’ It was covered in your midterm.”

“Ah, right,” he mutters. Gripping the fabric of his shirt, his heart is beating too quick for it to be normal. Then again, when was the last time it wasn't? “You think I’m anxious?”

“I’m not sure. Keep gurgling,” Makoto chides.

He does, the salt water still red whenever he spat, and she continues. “All I know is when my anxiety gets really bad, I chew on my lip. Sae used to chide me when we were younger, but you know, she got busy,” she shrugs, as if he didn’t know how much it pained her to lose her only family member to a career of protecting the wrong people. “When I mentioned it to Akira, he took it upon himself to check up on me regularly during exam weeks.”

To prove her point, she takes her lower lip and flips it out for him to see—white teeth marks, but old scars instead of anything fresh. Letting go, her expression is smug. “He hasn’t felt the need to check in for a while now.”

Spitting, water finally running clear, he grins. “Good for you. I’m glad to hear that, dude.”

“Thank you, but that wasn’t the point. My point was that I was only able to get better because I told someone about it. Someone I trusted.” Makoto turns to him, her gaze serious. “I know that’s what Akira is to you. Habits like these are harmless at first, but they can turn into something else more dangerous. I won’t stand for that. My own justice won’t stand for that.”

Ryuji opens his mouth, before closing it. I’ll tell Akira, he wants to say. How many times does he have to repeat that line before he starts believing it himself? “Okay,” he says, because it’s the only thing he can say without hating himself even more.

“Okay.” She pats his knee before standing. “I can get us some gelato.” She stretches, wincing as her joints crack into place. “If you’re feeling up to it, start your cool down. Unless you wanna keep training?”

“I’m good. Felt enough blood rush for the day.”

She goes to the ice cream stand, and he stares up at the blue sky.

Makoto’s right, because of fucking course she is. She’s right, he knows she’s right. But she doesn’t get it. To her, Akira’s a friend. A guy who helped her out and changed her life, yeah. If he hadn’t met her when she did, maybe she would’ve become a scummy adult who didn’t look up from market pricing and hedge funds.

But Ryuji? Ryuji would be dead without Akira. That’s a fact and a half.

To Makoto, Akira’s a friend. To Ryuji, he’s Akira, and you can’t be on a higher pedestal in his mind than that.

—

It was Yusuke who took the first step.

“Ann,” he greets cordially. “How do you do?”

She gives him a weird look. “Kinda trying to focus here,” she says, gesturing at the scene in front of them. They, Morgana, and Sophia were in the B team as they watched the rest of them try and get rid of the remaining Shadows in Mariko’s Jail, tersely attentive and waiting on Joker’s word in case they needed a last minute switch. The Jail was environmentally brutal; the ice underneath the soles of their shoes makes them skid more often than they’d like. It almost makes the fights seem quicker, one notch faster than usual.

Yusuke pays her dismissal no mind. “I, myself, am learning many new things lately. Can the same be said about you?”

In the corner of his eye, Futaba pauses typing on her laptop to face palm.

“Are you...” Ann says after a brief pause. “Is this a threat? Are you threatening me?”

“No—”

“Panther!” Akira’s clear voice rings out.

Ann dashes forward without question, high-fiving Morgana as they trade spots.

Futaba marches forward, glaring at Yusuke like he was crazy. “You dolt!” she hisses. “What was that supposed to be? I said be slick and cool, not act like a fool!”

“While I admire the rhyme scheme, I don’t understand what you want from me. That was as ‘slick and cool’ as I’m capable of,” he furrows his brow. “I even opened with a question that seemed as though the conversation would be a normal one, but then used that to transition into what I actually wanted to discuss.”

“Stop looking so proud of yourself and—”

“Fox!”

“Back in a moment,” he says before he’s gone, Makoto taking his place, leather uniform still smoldering from when she took a fire move head-on.

“What was that about?” Haru asks, swinging her axe like a picnic basket.

“Nothing, Noir,” Futaba sighs, plopping back into place where Ann had stood. Carmen had kindly left a warm patch of concrete in her wake. “Just Inari became a big ole’ dumb-dumb.”

“I see,” she hums. “So this has nothing to do with what you two have been conspiring about lately?”

Her eyes shot wide open. “Con...conspiring?” she stutters out. “What do you mean by—”

A particularly loud scream rips into the air, and everyone turns their heads to see Captain Kidd slam his hook into the ground, purple arms erupting from the snow and wiping out a huge chunk of Shadows all in one go.

“Hot damn,” Futaba says, directing her focus back to her laptop and making sure Ryuji has enough health to keep going.

“He’s strong,” Haru observes, all playfulness gone.

“Too strong.” After Futaba gives everyone on the main team a good amount of health, something on her screen makes her pause. “Huh…?”

“Noir.”

Haru turns around to see Makoto waiting for her. “I need to discuss something with you.”

“Of course,” she steps closer to her and drops her voice. “Is everything alright?”

“I’d bring this up with Joker, but I don’t want to bother him if I’m not sure if there’s anything wrong yet,” Makoto pushes her mask up. “But have you noticed Skull's been acting strange lately?”

“Mona!”

He swaps with Ann, her pigtails covered in snow. “Ugh,” she grimaces as she shakes it out. “I could try and melt it, but it’ll just drip down my back and freeze later on, and I do not want that.”

“Panther, I’d like your input as well, if you don’t mind,” Makoto says.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I was just talking to Noir about this, but did you notice anything strange about the way Skull’s acting lately?”

Ann takes a step back. “Well, what—No—I mean, that’s your opinion, I think!” she exclaims. “To me, Skull's acting is completely normal. He’s normal—actually, scratch that, he’s better than usual. Nothing about him is wrong, I think, and that’s pretty outstanding and impressive once you consider that he’s the one with the life-long injury. Not that that has to do with anything!” Ann yells. “I just wanted to point out how far he’s come, and how much he’s kicking ass right now. Actually,” her voice shifts to a stage whisper. “Don’t mention this because I don’t wanna cause drama, but Fox has been a little weird.”

“Weird how?” Makoto whispers back, looking extremely lost.

“Just earlier, he asked me how I was.”

“...I’m not following.”

“No, Panther-chan has a point,” Haru breaks in. “I can’t say for certain, but I have a strong feeling that Fox and—” she points at Futaba conspicuously. “Are up to something.”

“Sophie and Fox?” Ann breathes.

“Panther!”

“Damn, again? That’s what we get for going into an ice Jail,” she grumbles, swapping with Yusuke.

Haru sighs. “Panther-chan isn’t the best with context clues, is she?”

“Hello ladies,” Yusuke greets. “What were we discussing?”

Makoto gives him a suspicious look. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

His jaw drops, bewildered, but before he can say anything, Futaba waves him over. “Get your fox butt over here!”

“I...Alright,” he says, resigned.

“Look at them,” Makoto nods at the pair. “I think you’re onto something.”

“I think so too, but I don’t want to be too hasty. After all, the two of them are such good friends now; it would be unfair to assume negative outcomes without evidence, or at least confront them first,” Haru says nonchalantly.

She understands immediately. “You have evidence?”

“Something of the sort.”

“Noir!”

“Duty calls,” she gives her a thumbs up, before Ann comes back once again.

“I can’t wait for us to go to a really hot place again,” she kicks the snow with her heels. “Then I’ll be comfortably in the B team because all the Shadows have fire resistance to the max.”

“Oh good, she’s back,” Yusuke’s expression is one of relief.

“Fox—” Futaba warns without looking up from her laptop.

“Come here. There is something we would like to discuss with you.” Whether or not it was intentional, he rests his hand on the handle of his katana.

“Okay but before we start, I just wanna ask—what are you doing with Sophie?” Ann accuses. “It’s fine to be friends with her, but you have to be careful. She’s really susceptible to what we say right now, and if you try anything funny—”

“What are you even saying?” he says, offended. “I barely even talk to her!”

They all glance at Sophia, who had been standing perfectly still and silent. She gives them a wave. They all awkwardly wave back.

Makoto places a hand on Ann’s shoulder. “Panther, Noir meant Fox and Oracle.” Ann flushes red as she continues. “And while we’re all here, I wanted to bring this up with you as well. Have you all noticed something strange with Skull?” Futaba stops typing. “I’m not sure how to explain it, but I think he’s extremely anxious about something. You all know that I’m an overthinker, so I might have the wrong idea but…” she trails off.

Futaba glances at Yusuke. Yusuke glances at Ann. Ann helplessly glances at Ryuji, still fighting alongside Akira and the others.

“I know nobody asked me,” they all jump a foot in the air when Sophia speaks beside them. “But I can at least confirm for suresies that there is something strange with Skull.”

“Which is…?” Makoto prods.

“I don’t know the specifics.” Ann, Yusuke, and Futaba let out a breath. “But he did have a panic attack recently.”

“I knew it!” Makoto snaps her fingers. “He’s had signs of being anxious, but I wasn’t too sure about it.”

“Queen!”

She runs out, and Ryuji comes in, looking exhausted but pleased. “Hey y’all, what were we talking about?”

It was dead silent before Sophia steps forward. “Look what I can do!” she exclaims, changing the expression on her screen to be an emoji with a flower.

“Whoa!” His eyes bug out, and they all sigh in relief. “That’s awesome! Can you do more?”

“That’s super cool Sophie, but,” Futaba looks at Ryuji, skeptical. “Don’t you feel weak right now? Your health is way down.”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice,” he rubs the back of his neck. “Sophie, you mind?”

“Not at all.” She calls for Pithos and green sparkles fall on him. “Better?”

“Thanks, I owe you one.”

“Skull!”

“When the king calls, his knight answers,” he salutes, sprinting out as Makoto comes back in.

“So,” she glares at the rest of them. “What do the rest of you know?”

Ann groans. “Even if I did know something, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell you.”

“Wait,” Futaba points an accusing finger at her. “What do you know?”

“What do I know? What do you know? And for that matter, what does he,” Ann points at Yusuke. “Know? Noir said you guys are doing secret stuff together!”

“That’s preposterous,” he scoffs. “If it was secret, she wouldn’t have known.”

“That’s the dumbest argument I’ve ever heard.”

“How is it dumb?” he asks. “You can’t possibly think that just because Futaba and I are doing ‘secret stuff’ that it has anything to do with Skull’s situation!”

There was a pause. “Are those two connected?” Sophia asks. Futaba buries her face in her hands.

“That was...not the question I expected,” Yusuke answers weakly.

“Sophie!”

“God, I wish Joker would call for Inari instead,” Futaba groans.

Rushing out, Sophia high-fives Ryuji on the way. “Guess who’s back, motherfuckers?”

In an effort to bury their conversation, they all begin cheering overenthusiastically, Yusuke clapping politely. Bewildered, Ryuji instinctively gives them a thumbs up. “Thanks guys. Usually, my jokes don’t really land, but that made me real happy.”

“Uh, Skull,” Futaba raises an eyebrow. “How do you keep losing health? I didn’t even notice you taking a hit.”

“I’m low again? Damn, I didn’t even notice,” he groans loudly. “Queen, can you—”

“I’m on it.”

Just as Johanna heals him, Akira calls out once again: “Skull!”

“Joker really does rely on you, doesn’t he?” Yusuke observes.

Ryuji laughs. If they didn’t know any better, they would think it sounded a little nervous. “Well, gotta jet!”

High-fiving Makoto, he runs out. She stares at the remaining members of the B team. “You all know something,” she accuses. “And I understand if you’re all being loyal to him by keeping what you know close to your hearts. But remember this:” she takes a step forward, and they all take an unconscious step back, Futaba scooting from where she sat on the ground. “There comes a point where it’s actually more important to keep a person safe and healthy than to uphold a potentially dangerous secret.”

They all digest her words for a second, and flinch when a flash of blue flame appears, taking Akira’s Persona away.

“Finally.” He stretches his shoulders, satisfied. “That took awhile. Good work everyone, let’s keep going.”

Making their trek deeper into the Jail, Futaba half-jogs, half-speed walks to Ryuji. “Your health again,” she chides. “Seriously. I know I like to play around, but I always have my eye on you guys when you’re fighting. I literally have not seen you take a hit, but you’re getting drained like milk in a sink.”

He shrugs, unperturbed. “Whatever. You see my hits today, though? They were tough.”

“Yeah,” she agrees reluctantly. “But your health is still low. I’ll call Joker about that.”

Before she can turn, he grabs her wrist. “Nope,” he says. “I’ll ask Panther. Thanks though!”

Ryuji goes to Ann, and he can feel everyone’s eyes on him, watching him, surveying his every move.

All eyes except for the one that really matters.

[olivinesea]

Off Souls, pt. 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

a/n: We made it! This is the first time I’ve ever tried to write anything with a storyline and I’m a little surprised it worked out tbh. If you enjoyed this at all you can thank @whump-town for patiently answering my 1000 questions. Thanks for letting me hurt you, buddies. Til next time! ✌🏼 ~4.9k

Plots and schemes.

Emily found him laying on top of his bed, staring at the ceiling, arms folded behind his head. He had showered as soon as he made it back into his dorm, turning the water as hot as it would go, attempting to burn away every part of the last few days. As he turned his face into the spray the water stung his cheek, split from his father's ring. He closed his eyes tightly and refused to cry. It was really a small price to pay to be back out in the world.

He dressed in sweats, thinking he was going to fall asleep from exhaustion, only to find himself studying the ceiling tiles. He had been trying to count the little holes and finding them frustratingly uneven. It was making him angry, an emotion he hadn’t felt since he took out all his rage in an unfair fight. During the endless thinking time of the last few days, he had concluded that the fight was, in fact, unfair. Kaden might have been a monster but he wasn’t really any better. Kaden had taken advantage of Emily because she was smaller, weaker and Hotch had done the same in turn. It was what his father did. The thought made his muscles tense and he jumped when Emily put a hand on his arm.

“Woah, sorry!” she said backing up, hands held in front of her.

He watched her from his new position, back pressed against the wall, knees pulled into his chest. She ran into the bed behind her and sat down, dropping her hands to twist nervously in her lap. His shoulders relaxed, though his face was still white.

“I knocked,” she said. “Sort of.” She picked at a thread in the fabric of the bedspread. “I definitely said your name.”

“It’s okay,” he finally found his voice. It was still rough after days of mostly silence.

She tilted her head and squinted. “What happened to your face?”

He covered the cut with his hand, as if that would somehow make the mark disappear. “I was in a fight, you may remember,” he muttered sullenly.

Emily was skeptical but she let it slide. She needed information. He was reluctant to go into detail but told her things were serious.

“But they let you out,” Emily protested.

Hotch sighed. “They’re still pressing charges. I’m just out until my hearing. Which probably won’t go well. There’s a lot of evidence against me.”

“That’s stupid.”

He rolled his eyes at her. “I messed up, Em. These are the consequences. It’s no more than what I deserve.”

She decided not to argue this point again. She could only repeat herself to a brick wall so many times before she started to question her own sanity. There had to be some way out of this. She refused to believe that out of the three people involved in this situation, Hotch was the one getting in trouble. At least let it be her. She had been the one who started this unfortunate cascade of dominoes.

“Can’t your dad help? Isn’t he like some important lawyer?”

Hotch looked upset again, avoiding her eyes, but then shrugged, “Probably.”

She raised her eyebrows, wanting more details. He ignored her.

“He said it would be easy.”

Hotch looked at her sharply. “What do you mean?”

Emily faltered. “When I called him, he said it would be easy to get you off because the other guy sounded like a moron.”

“When you what?”

It was her turn to avoid his eyes. She thought maybe his dad would have filled Hotch in on the details of how he’d known to be there. Apparently not.

“Emily. You called my father? To tell him I was in jail? For assaulting someone?” He began to sound hysterical.

She nodded, concerned by his reaction. “I didn’t know what else to do. Are you mad?”

He covered his face with both hands. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t put that together. It would have been ridiculous to think his parents might have found out about his situation on their own. He just thought maybe the school had contacted them. No, he was not happy about being put in this position with his father but he wouldn’t let himself be mad at Emily. She didn’t know what this meant; how asking for a favor was unthinkable even before he found out his father was dying.

“Look,” he sighed, “just stay away from my dad. He’s not…he’s not a nice person.”

She frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no it’s just—” he struggled to find the right words. “It’s going to be okay.”

Neither of them seemed convinced. He almost wanted to ask her to leave. There were far too many emotions tangled inside him and he worried he might say something he regretted. While he debated with himself, she cautiously moved over to sit next to him, tucking her legs beneath her and leaning against his shoulder. The pressure was comforting and he decided against sending her away. She slipped her hand into his and he closed his eyes.

“It’s going to be okay,” he repeated and it sounded a little better this time.

*

In the morning he met with father again. He took him to a coffee cart on campus. Public, he’d learned, was always better. Immediately Hotch noticed little things about his dad’s appearance he had overlooked the day before. How red his eyes were, the tiny blood vessels burst from too much coughing. The way his skull seemed unnaturally large for his body, even with the padding of a suit, something was visibly off. His father filled him in on his talks with the school. How he had convinced the disciplinary board to wait on results of the legal proceedings, the consequences to his school standing to be determined based on the outcome of that investigation. He barely paid attention, so mesmerized by the surreal feeling of sitting on a bench drinking coffee with his father.

Other than at the dinner table, which held its own dangers, he didn’t think there was ever a time he was sitting down with the man. He could remember being the one sitting, being towered over as he struggled to do his homework, numbers and letters swimming hopelessly on the page. He would try so hard not to cry because that always made it worse, the tears warping the shapes even more. He could also remember being the one standing. Shivering on the porch, banished for some long forgotten transgression, watching through the window as the rest of his family gathered in the living room. They always looked so perfect through the window, he could never blame them for the way he was treated. He brought it on himself and didn’t deserve to be a part of anything warm and good.

“Luckily, it appears that the person you attacked is an even bigger idiot than you.”

This new statement brought him out of his memories. He ignored the insult and tried to remain patient as he waited for his father to share whatever information he’d uncovered.

“It seems that Kaden Willits has two DUIs on his record already, not even twenty-one yet. He is currently on probation. I think that if we can press him in the right way, he will crawl back into his hole.” His father looked altogether too satisfied with himself.

Hotch felt the back of his neck start to itch. He rubbed it. “How are we going to do that?”

“Stop fidgeting. I think it’s perfectly obvious. We’ll send that friend of yours with a message. He can drop the charges or he will find himself facing some unpleasant realities.”

Hotch tightened his grip on his coffee cup, risking crushing it entirely. “I don’t want to involve her.”

“It doesn’t really matter what you want, does it?”

Hotch hung his head. Of course it didn’t, but he couldn’t let Emily be dragged into this. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his father’s hand move and flinched, hating how quickly he had fallen back into this role. But his father was only pulling a notepad and pen out of his jacket.

“Write her number down, I will call her later,” he sounded businesslike and cold.

Hotch didn’t move. He weighed his options. He could refuse. His father could probably find another way. It wouldn’t be good for him, he was sure, but if it kept Emily far away from his dad it would be worth it.

The notepad was pushed right under his nose. “Do it. Now.” There was a familiar warning edge to the words. Numerous unspecified threats threaded into a few syllables. Don’t make a scene, or else.

But Hotch wasn’t willing to give this one up. What, really, could the man do to him that he hadn’t already? He stood up, straightening the cuffs of his sweater, the coffee forgotten on the bench. He met his father’s astonished look as steadily as he could. “No.”

His father got up quickly, placing a hand on the back of the bench to offset the dizziness of the sudden movement. “What did you—“

“Find a different way.” He turned away, the fear was beginning to escape and he needed to leave before he lost his resolve. A hand gripped his forearm tightly. He turned back, looking slowly from the hand restraining him into his father’s face. He was so furious, Hotch wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just strike him there in the middle of campus. He almost gave in, like he had hundreds of times before. Maybe I can try, maybe it will be different this time. Then he thought of Emily, disoriented at his door in the middle of the night, how he turned her away, how he failed her then and how he couldn't let it happen again. With a final surge of courage, he pulled his arm free and walked away.

*

He had made her promise to stay out of it, to leave this to him. In turn, he promised to cooperate with his dad, to do what he could to get out of this since (she insisted) he didn’t deserve it. She meant to stick to her promise. But she also couldn’t resist the urge to learn more about Hotch and his dad. The little glimpses weren’t enough and Emily’s curiosity got the better of her.

When he informed her he was meeting his dad that morning, that she should go to breakfast without him, she accepted without argument. She couldn’t help that he was leaving the building just in front of her, nor that he was too focused to notice her following a little ways behind. Her curiosity only grew as she watched them greet each other frostily. She didn’t like the way Hotch seemed to shrink into himself, barely looking up from the ground as they walked.

When they stopped, she stopped, finding a ledge to sit on where she would be out of Hotch’s line of sight. She was jealous of the coffee they bought and shifted a little, considering if she could make it through the ordering process at the cart without Hotch noticing. She watched them talk, or mostly it seemed like his dad spoke and he listened. She wished she could hear but she knew how unhappy Hotch would be to discover her lurking.

So she waited, studying how so many of Hotch’s mannerisms were mirrored in his father. Or, rather, it was the other way around. She was deep into her meditation on this phenomenon when Hotch suddenly stood up. She scrambled up too, looking for somewhere to hide, afraid he would catch her spying. There was a building behind her and she ran up the steps to dip into the shadows of the doorway. She got there just in time to watch Hotch walk away as his father looked on. Neither one looked pleased and she wanted to know what she had missed. They were supposed to be discussing strategies and this did not look like a good sign.

She waited for Hotch to get a little farther away, far enough that he wasn’t likely to double back. Then she did something she knew she shouldn’t. She just couldn’t help it. She approached his father, now sitting heavily on the bench again, pinching the bridge of his nose like Hotch did when he had a headache or he was deeply irritated. She shook off the eerie feeling of familiarity.

“Excuse me?” she tried not to sound too tentative.

“What?” he snapped at her.

“Hi, I’m Emily.” She held out her hand awkwardly, trying to seem braver than she felt. When he didn’t react she added, “I called you. About Aaron.” She barely remembered to use his given name.

He smiled at her and it was frightening. She could imagine Hotch in twenty years, if life took away all his laughter and kindness, this was what he would look like. She was still too young to think about the future in anything but abstracts but she prayed that wouldn’t be the way things turned out.

“I was hoping to speak to you, Ms.—“ he paused, clearly expecting her to provide this forgotten detail.

“Prentiss.” She was distracted by the coldness of his hand as he shook hers. She inspected it to make sure it was really skin she touched.

“Yes, of course. Well, I was going to call you later but since you are here now,” he gestured that she should sit down in the unoccupied space. She was wary of him but accepted. She was interested to find out why he wanted to talk to her and badly wanted to help if she could.

He frowned as he looks her over, clearly unimpressed with her casual appearance. All exposed knees and elbows, bitten fingernails and a messy bun. He was not surprised this was a person who would get his son into trouble, nor was he surprised at his son’s poor taste. It was too late to undo that now, but he believed he could make use of her. Her weaknesses were obvious and he had no hesitations about manipulating them to get what he wanted.

“You got my son arrested,” his tone was not outwardly hostile but her throat closed at the accusation. She shook her head.

“No? Isn’t that what you told me? That this is your fault?” The questions almost sounded friendly.

“No!” she said hastily. “I mean it is my fault, kind of. He was just looking out for me and things got…carried away.” That was the most generous description of what happened that she could think of.

“Why would he need to attack someone to ‘look out’ for you?”

She swallowed, feeling as if she had stepped into a trap. She had been as vague as she could on the phone, only giving the most general details of how Hotch had ended up knocking someone out. Mr. Hotchner stared at her, his patience edged with a clear expectation that his questions were answered.

“Well, the other guy, Kaden, he did something. To me. He hurt me.”

“This is when Aaron attacked him?”

She shook her head again. “No, it was awhile ago.”

“That is not protection, that is revenge. I’m not sure I will be able to argue he was defending you if it wasn’t an immediate threat.” He allowed himself to sound a little worried and was pleased to see her start to chew on a fingernail. The habit disgusted him but it was such an easy indication of how a person was feeling. He wanted her feeling guilty, vulnerable to the request he planned to make.  

“But it was really bad. The thing that he did.” She didn’t want to say it, hoped he wouldn’t make her spell it out.

“How bad can it be? You seem fine. My son is fine. The only person actually hurt here is Mr. Willits.” He watched her crumble.

“He’s the guilty one, he’s the one who should be in jail,” she insisted. She couldn’t understand why she was having to convince Hotch’s father. Surely he knew his own son would never hurt someone else without a good reason.

“What is he guilty of? You’re going to need to be more specific if you want to help Aaron out of this.”

She leaned forward and gripped the edge of the bench with both hands, digging her nails into the weathered slats. She did want to help, she’d do anything to help. She gritted her teeth. “He raped me.”

“And you have proof?”

She looked up at him, startled. He looked back at her evenly.

“Generally, you need proof to successfully back up a claim like that. Eyewitnesses, medical records, police reports.” He sounded almost bored but inside he was enjoying twisting the knife. He knew there wasn’t any proof. What a stupid girl. He was somehow even more disappointed in his son now.

“No,” she whispered. “There’s nothing like that.”

He frowned sternly, seeming to review the facts. “This does not look good for Aaron I’m afraid. Even if you were to testify that Mr. Willits attacked you—where did this happen?”

“At a party,” she sounded miserable.

He raised his eyebrows and continued, “That he attacked you at a party, awhile ago. I don’t know that would even help at all.”

“Please! There has to be something you could do?” She was still hopeful that this man, unkind as he was turning out to be, would be able to fix this.

He shook his head sadly, “No, I’m not sure there is.” He paused, watching her shoulders slump, her foot swinging beneath her like an unmannered child. “Unless…”

She looked at him again, eyes bright. He had her exactly where he wanted her.

“Well, if Mr. Willits were to drop the charges, it is unlikely the case would continue. Prosecutors don’t usually waste their time on college fights.”

“Why would he do that?” she asked, puzzled.

“While you do not have any proof to back up your allegations, the man is no saint. I believe if you were to go remind him of his precarious position he would fold rather quickly.”

His words stung but she grabbed onto the little bit of hope he dangled. “What if he doesn’t listen to me?”

“I have something prepared for that scenario as well. When you go speak with him, you’ll need to take this with you,” he pulled two vials of clear liquid out of his pocket. “You’ll need to find somewhere discreet to place them before you leave.”

She stared at the vials, unable to process what he was asking her to do. He pressed them into her hand. She automatically closed her fingers around them, the glass warming in her palm.

“What…what is it?”

“I wonder you don’t recognize it. It’s GHB. Maybe you should study it for your future reference.” He was no longer pretending to be friendly. He knew she would do this, really he’d known since he’d heard the panic in her voice when he first threatened to hang up on her. Now he had put the plan in motion, all he had to do was wait.

Emily felt hollow, knowing she has been tricked somehow and knowing she couldn’t back out. She wanted to get away from this evil pretending to be a father but she couldn’t move. All she could do was stare at her closed fist, feeling as if its contents are burning far hotter than the heat they derived from her body.

Mr. Hotchner stood up, buttoning his suit jacket. “Good day, Ms. Prentiss. Make sure you take care of that soon, there’s no time to waste.” He walked away, congratulating himself.

*

She was nervous. More than nervous, she was terrified. She considered having a drink. Nothing excessive, just enough so that her hands stopped shaking, enough that she could see through the buzzing around her eyes. She wrapped her hand around the two damning objects in her pocket. She had kept them in there since Mr. Hotchner gave them to her. Too afraid to let them out of her sight but looking at them doesn’t make her feel any better. She feared she would break them.

She studied herself in the mirror, searching for strength. It was now or never. She had been avoiding Hotch since she got back to the dorm and he was going to notice soon. She didn’t think she could hide the fact that she’d spoken with his dad and she knew he wouldn’t let her do what she needed to do. He wouldn’t understand that she didn’t have a choice. If there were other ways out of this, she’d missed them all and now this was the only path. She could do it. She could be strong.

Fuck it, she dug around in her desk drawer until she came up with a tiny bottle of bourbon, the kind passed out on airplanes. She drank it quickly, ignoring the burn in favor of the sweet weight that settled around her shoulders, smothering the buzzing of her nerves. Not giving herself time to think, she headed out, running down the stairs rather than pause to wait for the elevator. She found that once she had some momentum, it was easier to ignore all the doubts, to see only the clarity of the plan.

As she got closer, the fear tried to creep back, slowing her steps. She clenched her fists and pushed forward. There were people hanging around the front, not quite a party though they were trending towards one. Only a couple more beers and they could very easily be persuaded into transitioning to something louder, rowdier. She didn’t see him among these porch dwellers and they barely noticed as she slipped in the front door.

Inside was more of the same, though the place was cleaner than the other times she’d been here. Apparently someone did clear out the empty cups and cans at some point between evenings. He was also not in here, a fact that was simultaneously helpful and worrying. She’d need to get to his room to plant the drugs but that was absolutely the last place she wanted to be, alone, with him. She climbed the stairs of the courtyard, repeating to herself the lines she’d come up with. Though the doors were identical, she remembered exactly which one was his. It was partially open. Perhaps he wasn’t even home, maybe she could just do what she needed to and leave. Forget the threats and skip to getting him in trouble. No such luck. She could see his back from the doorway, sitting at his desk, bent over some work. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open all the way. He turned when he heard her, his face ugly and swollen.

“What the hell do you want?”

She couldn’t speak, all the fear and the shock overtaking her.

He laughed sourly. “You like?” He waved at the black and purple bruising as he swiveled his chair to face her straight on. “Your friend is going to fucking regret it when he finds out how popular he is in prison.”

The mention of Hotch was all she needed to spark her to action. “Listen, asshole,” she spoke louder than she meant to, rage ignited and curling upwards through her chest. “You are going to drop the charges and leave us the fuck alone.”

He was too shocked to react for a second then he really started laughing. So much so that he was out of breath. She stomped her foot, which she knew was petulant but she wanted his attention, wanted him to hear exactly what she had to say.

“You’re insane,” he said.

“I’m not. You will, or else.”

Suddenly he was up, standing close to her. “Or else what?” His voice was low, his hand wrapped around the back of her neck. Then, just as quickly, he was bent over, gasping for breath. She had punched him with all her weight, just below the sternum.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she hissed.

He looked up at her from his half standing position, somehow still smirking. She wanted to rip his face off.

“Okay, I’ll play. What’s the ‘or else’?” he said once he caught his breath.

“You are on probation,” she said calmly, walking further into the room, taking advantage of the space created when she’d hit him. She kept herself between him and the door.

“Yes?” He was suspicious, this was not common information. His parents had paid a lot of money to make that trouble go away, though after the second DUI they couldn’t quite pay to get rid of it entirely.

“If you don’t drop the charges, your probation officer is going to hear some stories about what you’ve been up to recently.” She spoke slowly as she ran her fingers across the desktop.

Fully recovered now, he snorted and folded his arms across his chest. “What, you think they care what slutty college girls have to say?”

She stopped her idle tour of his room and looked at him. She shrugged a shoulder. “They might.”

He shook his head. “No one is going to believe you. No one.”

“Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.” She turned to walk back to the door, hands in her pockets. “But, you want to know what I know?”

“Please, I’m dying to hear it.” He was sarcastic but, though he would never admit it, this had him a little worried. Her calm was unnerving, the shift in power inexplicable but impossible to ignore.

She stopped at the doorway, her glare a knife that carved straight through him, “If you did it to me, you’ve done it to others. Once people start asking questions, it’s only a matter of time before they find something on you. You’re not as smart as you think you are.”

She forced herself not to run down the stairs, not to look like she was fleeing the scene of a crime. The adrenaline spiked in her chest as she walked out the front door. She couldn’t stop from smiling, a ferocious expression that would have caused anyone who saw it to be concerned.

*

On Thursday Emily dragged Hotch outside. She told him he’d been scowling at the wall so much the paint was going to start peeling. That there was no point in sitting inside worrying. That he should just trust his dad to take care of it. The look he gave her when she said that would have stripped an entire house-worth of paint. She pointedly ignored it and pulled his hand until he reluctantly got out of bed and put on his shoes. She chattered to him about what she wanted to eat. He wasn’t really listening, assuming she would lead them wherever it was she wanted to go. He felt his phone ringing and pulled it out. He froze when he saw his father’s name flashing. They hadn’t talked since he rejected the man’s horrible plan. He almost convinced himself that his dad had changed his mind about helping and left him to fend for himself. Emily, who hadn't noticed that he stopped at first, looked behind her and saw his distressed expression.

“Who is it?”

“My father,” he replied dully. He didn’t know if he should answer. It might be safer to let him take it out on his voicemail, to listen to whatever horrible things he had to say with a buffer.

“Maybe he’s heard something?” she said encouragingly.

He made a noise of half-hearted agreement and pressed his lips together before answering.

“They’ve dropped the charges,” his father didn’t even wait for a greeting.

“Oh,” Hotch wasn’t sure he could believe it. “How did you…” he trailed off, not sure he actually wanted the answer to that question.

“You are welcome,” he said, dismissing the partial question.

Hotch stumbled to thank him, apologizing at the same time. He didn’t know how to feel, what to say.

“Never, ever call me for something like this again,” he continued severely. Hotch started to promise that he wouldn’t before he got cut off. “I will disown you rather than be involved in your delinquency.”

Hotch was silent.

“Do you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

The line went dead without any further exchange. He looked at Emily who was watching him closely. The show of breezy unconcern she had been putting on earlier dropped completely. Her dark eyes were intense and questioning.

“They dropped the charges?” It came out as a question, he was still so surprised.

She shrieked as she rushed at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his chest. He barely registered it through the shock. They stood there, blocking the path, letting the news sink in. He slowly allowed himself to believe what he’d just been told: that things were going to be ok, things can be good again. She peeled away from him, talking about celebrating and towing him along by the hand. As they passed a trashcan she pulled something from her pocket and tossed it in without breaking their stride. She squeezed his hand and he looked down at her, a big dumb smile on his face.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous)

Istina basically lived in the Doctor’s office when the other members of the USSGG weren’t around; it wasn’t because she didn’t have anywhere else to go - she had more accesses than the rest of her club, actually - but because RI’s best library was behind their desk, and because the Doctor didn’t have any problems with sharing reading material, it meant she essentially had the keys to the kingdom as far as she was concerned. There was just ooooone problem with the arrangement: every day, someone came into the office while they were on break, and it was Istina’s job to either a) redirect them to where they could actually get their problem solved, or b) take a message to relay to the Doctor when they got back. At least, that was how it was supposed to work.

Then, one day, an enemy of the state arrived during one of the Doctor’s breaks, and suddenly the world turned upside down.

“Hey, Doct-” An orange-haired Feline with an LGD badge opened the door to the office with a fast-disappearing smile. “Ah, he’s not here, is he?”

“No, they’re not. Can I take a message for them?” The Ursus replied, pointedly using the correct pronoun.

The intruder shrugged. “I can wait for them. Are you his assistant?”

“The Doctor completes their work more than sufficiently without the services of one.” She attempted to go back to her book, but could feel a pair of cat’s eyes on her still, so she closed the book (not before sliding her bookmark on her page) and sighed. “You’re certain I can’t simply take a message and have them contact you later?”

“Are you kidding? I barely get any breaks on a good day with all the training I have to organize. This is a perfect chance for me to relax. You on break, too?”

This woman was going to be the death of her; the adviser needed more ammunition. “My duties are to simply continue my self-directed education according to the parameters set by the Doctor and, on occasion, perform missions for Rhodes Island tailored to my particular set of skills. I don’t need to go ‘on break;’ rather, I go ‘on duty’ when asked and otherwise remain here, expanding my horizons.”

“Ah, so you’re a student, then? Ch’en went to school before she joined the force.” A moment of silence, but clearly the Feline wasn’t done yet as she stretched her arms behind her with a loud yawn. “Ahhh. *lip smack*...I’m gonna run and grab something to snack on. Can I get you anything.”

“Fina- I’m sorry?”

Swire chuckled. “Snacks. Want anything?”

“I...” Well, this was new territory; no one ever actually stayed long enough to hold a conversation with her nowadays (the Doctor was busy), and now this one was offering to bring her food as well? Marx would be so proud. “I’ll go with you; without a menu, I won’t be able to give you a precise request. Where are we going?”

“I was just going to run to the coffee shop next door. Do you drink coffee, by any chance?” She cocked her head, a visual representation of the new angle she’d found to approach from.

Istina shook her head. “Altering my mental faculties with unnecessary chemicals is...an alarming concept.”

“That makes sense. I need ‘em to stay awake for my shift, but they’ve got some decaf blends that are pretty good.” Another analyzing glance as she held the door open for the Ursus. “You like ice cream?”

“Who doesn’t?” No, seriously, who didn’t? Monsters, all of them. Enemies of the state for sure.

The Feline chuckled. “You’d be surprised. They’ve got these milkshakes they make with the syrups they use for some coffee orders, but no caffeine whatsoever.”

“Hmm...None at all?” She received a nod in response. “Alright, that sounds interesting.”

“Great! Have any money with you?”

Istina gave her a look. “Are you asking so I can pay for my drink?”

“Indirectly, I guess.” Swire shrugged. “I was just curious if communists carry cash or not.”

“I’m not a communist. Communism, for all its merits, is a flawed system at its core. No, I’m an adherent of something far more beneficent with actual potential.” Her eyes lit up at the thought.

The money-cat simply continued walking. “Well, best of luck with your plans for world domination. Want anything to eat while we’re here?”

“...I’ll look at the menu.” Apparently this one wasn’t much for philosophy. Pity; if she’d been a diehard capitalist like the advisor had expected, they might’ve had an interesting discussion. “You work with the LGD?”

“I did, but now I’m full-time for Rhodes Island. After everything that happened with Ch’en and Chernobog and all that, I realized I wanted to make more of a differe- are you okay?”

She was visibly shivering, so probably not. “N-nothing, it’s nothing.”

“Nothing doesn’t make a person shake like that.” Swire stopped, a few feet outside the coffee shop, and stood in front of her. “I won’t tell anyone what you tell me, but if we’re gonna be friends, I need to know what eggshells to dance around, you know?”

“Right...not here. Somewhere more private. Back in the Doctor’s office.”

The Feline nodded. “Whatever works for you.”

“Thank you.” Oh, she could almost smell the air from that night again. “Um...I have a rather strange request to make.”

“Strange? What, you want me to hold your hand or something?” It was just the first thing that came to mind.

The Ursus looked at her as if she was the lifeline to her drowning mind. “Would you? It’s so cold out here...”

“If that’s what you need.” Strangely conflicted - for what reason, she couldn’t exactly pinpoint - Swire took her hand and led her back to the Doctor’s office. “You’re cold, you said?”

“Y-yes.” Her teeth were audibly and visibly chattering as they passed through the threshold of the office. It was that night again, on the balcony with Vika-

-and then it wasn’t, because she didn’t remember sitting down, or having a Feline hugging her as if both their lives depended on it. “It’s alright, it’s alright. We’re here, at Rhodes Island, far away from that place and that time. I don’t think I’ve caught your name yet.”

“Anna,” Anna murmured, still where the money-cat, pressed to her, could hear. “And you are?”

“...Beatrix,” she muttered back equally as softly. How long had it been since she used her full name in this building, again?

Istina smiled. “Thank you, Bea. I think I was about to have a full panic attack there.”

“Heaven forbid it get any worse than that.” Swire didn’t immediately let go, though. “While we’re here, like this, do you feel comfortable talking more?”

“I...I don’t know.”

The Feline simply stroked her hair. “I’ll turn on some music, then. Thanks, by the way.”

“Thanks?” The Ursus shook her head. “I believe I should be thanking you for calming me down, and for wanting to buy me a snack, and...for wanting to listen, even if I didn’t think I wanted to be listened to right now.”

“Well, that’s all true, but I’m still gonna thank you for trusting me so quickly.”

Huh. That had all happened rather fast, the advisor had to admit to herself, but honestly? Did it matter? Right now, she was thinking about how nice it’d be to be able to sit in a rocking chair, cozy in the arms of a money-cat with a book in hand...

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

A Familiar Soul - Chapter Six

Summary: Hilda decides to be completely honest with her mother, surprised when she seems to be a lot more in on magic than Hilda had expected her to be.

With her daughter’s association with witches, Johanna is forced to face some secrets of her own, bringing her back to feelings and people she’d rather have left behind

Dealing with insecurities and inner demons of her own, Kaisa finds herself face to face with the very issues that brought her to be so displeased with her own abilities

Or: the one where Johanna is Kaisa’s familiar

Notes: Once again, sorry for not posting last week! Hope you enjoy this though

Read it on ao3: (chpt1) (chpt2) (chpt3) (chpt4) (chpt5) (chpt6)

“Come on, Kaisa, it’ll be fun!”

Kaisa put down a book on her card a little more forcefully than she needed to, and right away shot Hilda an apologetic look, as if saying she hadn’t meant it.

“I know, Hildie… I’m just not sure that I should.”

“Come on!” The girl groaned as she moved from the librarian’s side to being in front of her, with her cart between them. “It’s just tea! You haven’t been acting like yourself, Kaisa. Is everything alright? For some days now you have been very distant, you know?”

The librarian sighed. She’d been hoping Hilda wouldn’t notice the change in her demeanor, but apparently the girl was too smart for that. “I’m sorry about that. I’ve just been considering that maybe I shouldn’t spend so much time with you three. After all, you’re children and I’m… not.”

“That doesn’t matter at all!” Hilda argued with her arms crossed on her chest. “You’re our friend, Kaisa. You’re my friend. And I really miss you.”

Something about the way she said it made Kaisa bend. How long had it been since anyone had considered her their friend? Since the girl’s mother, Kaisa noticed with sadness.

“Just tea, you say?” Hilda smiled brightly and nodded at her. “And you’ll be alone at your house?”

“Yeah, I will! Alfur said he’ll be busy with report writing all afternoon, and Tontu will be out to… honestly, I don’t know what he’ll be doing, but he’ll be out.”

“Fine, then. I accept the invitation.”

“Yes!” Hilda shouted as she fist pumped the air, before noticing the disapproving stares she got from everyone around her, including Kaisa.

“Yes!” she repeated, whispering this time, and Kaisa had to bite back a chuckle. “Thank you so much. See you tomorrow, Kai.”

_#_#_#_

Kaisa had decided to take over the tea duty simply because she knew the drink would turn out better if she did it. It had nothing to do with being worried about Hilda, who seemed too short to be using the stove and got on the brink of spilling hot water on herself at one point. Not at all.

“Thanks for that!” The girl said when Kaisa stopped the kettle from falling on her and put it back in its place to boil, telling her to put the other things on the table while she took care of the tea. “Mum’s usually the one to make tea so I’m not really used to it.”

The breath was caught in Kaisa’s throat at the mention of Johanna, and Hilda tilted her head at her when she noticed something off about the librarian.

“Kaisa?”

“It’s fine.” Kaisa said then, hastily. “I’m very used to it. Tildy is basically an addict.”

This made Hilda chuckle as she picked cookies from the cabinet to put on the table. Kaisa was grateful to see a few store bought options; even though the home baked ones definitely looked more delicious, she didn’t think she’d feel well eating something she knew Johanna must have baked. It felt like trespassing.

“Yeah, I saw her house. Don’t take me the wrong way, but does she ever clean?”

Kaisa snorted. “Why clean when you can just let your familiar eat your messes?”

Pulling herself a chair, Hilda laughed gleefully. It made Kaisa very grateful to have someone who seemed to appreciate her presence, and she appreciated Hilda’s presence as well. When the kettle whistled, Kaisa readily poured the boiling water into the cups, both already with the herb mixture she’d prepared, and took them over to the table.

Eating with Hilda was easy. Being the bright and energetic person that she was, Kaisa didn’t have to make too much effort to fill in any gaps in the conversation, and she dealt with Kaisa’s sarcasm and dry sense of humor remarkably well. Even when Kaisa politely refused a bowl with pastries she’d made with her mother, Hilda didn’t press her to eat them.

It was her fault, really. Kaisa knew she wasn’t supposed to be there, and still the company and the warm tea were so pleasant she lingered more than she had to, so it was her fault that there had been no time to escape before the front door was unlocked and a person walked in.

“Hilda, I’m back!” She announced. Johanna had a smile on her face as she saw Hilda sitting at the table and looking behind herself at her mother, but it quickly faded when her gaze traveled from her daughter to her usual seat.

Dropping her purse to the ground in surprise, Johanna gasped audibly, shock and anger making her lips curl back.

“What are you doing here?!”

“Mum, I can explain!” Hilda got up from the chair as quick as she could, while some part of her mind registered that her mother seemed to not only know the librarian very well, but also not like her at all. “I invited-“

“I came to ask Hilda about a book she had borrowed.” Kaisa spoke over Hilda, knowing that the girl would probably get in trouble if Johanna knew she had been invited for tea by Hilda herself. The lie flew from her instinctively. “It was about to be overdue, so I thought it was better to come and talk to her.”

Far from being appeased, Johanna only seemed to get more furious. 

“Really?!” She spat. “Out of all the things you could make up, you’re using the same excuse you’d tell my parents and expecting me to fall for it? Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

Oh. Now that Johanna had said it, Kaisa recognized why that lie had seemed so natural to her. On two separate occasions when she was a teenager, she’d used it to justify to Johanna’s parents why she was in their house so early. Of course she hadn’t stayed the night, she’d said, knowing they didn’t like it when Johanna had ‘friends’ over, Mr. Linus had just told her Johanna had an overdue book and she’d come to warn her friend before the deadline came. Her father had fallen easily, but Johanna’s mother had been slightly harder to convince.

“Your parents?” Hilda whispered, now looking between the two women in curiosity. They both seemed to have taken fighting stances, Johanna with her feet set apart as if to give her a strong base and her chest leaning forward, looking ready to attack while Kaisa stood rock still, every bone in her body stiff as she clenched her jaw and fists.

“Go to your room, Hilda.” Johanna hissed. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Johanna, really.” Though Hilda wasn’t looking at her, she could <em>hear</em> the eyeroll in Kaisa’s eyes, and she flinched. Her mum didn’t like it at all when people rolled their eyes at her. “I wasn’t here to- corrupt your child or anything else you might imagine. We were just having tea and talking.”

“She doesn’t need you here!” Johanna snapped, and for some reason this hit the librarian harder than she could have predicted. “She has her friends and she has me, there’s no reason for you to be here and… do anything!”

In the library, Kaisa had been in her element, had felt confident enough to spit back at Johanna. But now they were in Johanna’s zone, and she didn’t feel like buying a fight, especially not in front of Hilda. She really didn’t have to know about this mess the two of them had made of their lives.

“Now, let’s not be rash-“

“Don’t you dare talk to me about being rash!” Johanna stepped aside and opened up the front door wide. “Get out of my house!”

Kaisa grunted in anger and did as she was told, even if in heavy, loud steps. Hilda reached out her hand and called for her, but the librarian had already broken into a run upon reaching the staircase.

“What has come upon you?!” She asked to her mother, whose breath was finally beginning to slow down.

“Hilda…” Running a hand through her curls, Johanna sighed. “Try to understand-“

“I don’t want to hear it!”

Ignoring her mother’s protests, Hilda ran past her to try to catch up with Kaisa.

So much for having an honest relationship.

_#_#_#_

It was an unquestionable truth in Johanna’s life that everything that was good, became better when she shared it with Kaisa. This meant, of course, that as soon as the Raven Leader took them to that tower in order to watch the woff migration routes, Johanna knew she had to take her favorite witch there.

The former bell tower sat right at the wall that separated Trolberg from the wilderness, but since having its bell broken in the earthquake of ‘82, it no longer served its original purpose. With its view overlooking the green fields which woffs favoured as their mid-migration resting spots, it was the perfect place for such activity.

Right after the Raven Leader had declared their duties done for the afternoon, Johanna had begun to think about inviting Kaisa over to the tower. Since her mother picked her up from the Sparrow Scouts activities, she couldn’t just deliver a message at that moment. It wasn’t that her mother didn’t like her seeing Kaisa, though she’d already voiced her wishes for her daughter to have a wider group of friends, but since Johanna’s feelings for her best friend had begun… shifting into something a little different, and she could no longer deny that they were, she had constantly been afraid of her parents seeing right through her and figuring it out. That left her with only one option, to ask Kaisa about it at school.

Seeing as they walked to their local high school together every day, it wasn’t hard to find a good moment. In fact, Johanna made the proposition right after she’d met Kaisa on the front door of Tildy’s house, and they arranged to go to the tower right after class. Johanna’s parents had just begun to allow her to go outside without adult supervision and they didn’t want to test their boundaries by having Johanna arrive home late.

She’d spent the whole school day anxious for the moment when she’d be allowed to leave. This was unusual for her, having always been a hard working student, but she couldn't stop her mind from going back to their appointment every couple minutes. There was nothing romantic in its nature, but since admitting to herself that she had a crush on Kaisa, she seemed to get more and more eager for any amount of time they could spend together.

“Are you sure this is open for visitors?” Kaisa asked while Johanna struggled with the tower’s entrance door, which gave in at that exact moment as if it were proving Johanna’s point.

“Either that or the Raven Leader illegally barged in with a bunch of kids.” She lifted an eyebrow at the witch, daring her to say that the Sparrow Scout’s leader had broken into City Hall property, and in return received a playful shove when Kaisa walked past her and into the curling staircase inside.

They were both out of breath once they had finished climbing, even though Johanna did her best to hide it (she was the familiar in that relationship, after all, and if Kaisa saw she was tired after some stairs how would she be able to trust her with protecting her?). Their footsteps echoed in the tall stone room, and Kaisa excitedly pointed out the bats sleeping upside down on the roof. After she’d admired them, Johanna beckoned her over to the window, the light that came from it dimming with every second that passed. Dusk was coming quickly.

“You should be able to see a couple of woffs sleeping or grazing in the meadow below.” Johanna said, placing Kaisa in front of her so she had a better view. Instead of looking down as well, she got momentaneously distracted by the whiff she caught of Kaisa’s scent, like black tea and lavender.

“I don’t see any down there.” The witch breathed with clear excitement in her voice, snapping Johanna back to reality. “But those look interesting enough.”

As Johanna followed Kaisa’s gaze, she too got overcome with excitement when a pack of migrating woffs cut through the sky above them, looking peaceful and completely confident about their destination, even though no human had ever quite been able to figure out where exactly it was that they went.

Their mellow sighs were a relaxing sound, especially so with the gentle light of the setting sun behind them and the breeze messing with their hairs. Johanna became entrapped in them, her lips parted as she wondered how it would feel to fly on the back of one such creature, so much so that she didn’t notice Kaisa was looking at her out of the corner of her eyes.

“Look!” Johanna exclaimed. “There’s a white one! You don’t see those every day.”

Kaisa nodded. “It is said that white woffs are a sign of good luck for witches.”

“Really?” Johanna turned to her, and became a little flustered herself when she realized Kaisa was blushing due to how close their faces were. “Have you ever had a chance to experience this?”

“No.” Johanna noticed that Kaisa suddenly had fixed her gaze on the horizon, biting her lip in a nervous habit. “But I thought I might test this theory today.”

For a solid moment, Johanna was afraid Kaisa would do something crazy like jumping out of the tower. To her credit, her friend was known for doing unpredictable things. What Kaisa said next, however, was unpredictable in a whole other manner.

“May I kiss you?” She asked. Her rigid posture indicated that it had taken her a lot of strength to get that out, which only made Johanna appreciate it even more, and her stance relaxed when Johanna smiled widely and chuckled with happiness.

Instead of answering her, Johanna just leaned in as the woffs flew overhead. Who knew? Maybe white woffs were good luck for familiars too.

[violet975]

Random thoughts.

So i replayed BOTW a while ago for the first time and decided to write down some of the random thoughts that i get while exploring Hyrule, here they are.

… A lot of these things gave me some fanfic ideas and I hope that they will do the same for someone more competent.

It's realty in character that the response to being asked why you took the man's torch is either to bludgeon things to death with it or to be a pyromaniac.

When the tower pedestal shines, Link instinctively leans back for a second before diving right back in because curiosity kills the cat.

The message from the slate/tower is to watch out for falling rocks which either means that 

1: zelda is writing them (and has a fair bit of free reign still).

2: the ancient Sheikah could see the future.

3: Ai to the likes of Fi.

Ganon kinda reawakens when the towers are up so maybe he was resting and building a body until he was interrupted here, which could be why his form later is such a hodgepodge of the Blights?.

Link is not too naive since he kinda clamps up in his answers to the totally unimportant old man.

Did Link briefly make eye-contact with the camera when he got the spirit orb!?

Link is a bit freaked out in his "How did you know!?" Response cas now he knows something major is up when the old man directly mentions the spirit orb.

Again, in character that you can choose to be an impatient brat with the "paraglider please?" Or inquisitive when Roam points out the slate.

Either run out of temper with the "that wasn't the deal!" Or be resigned with "so I need more now?" When the old fart sends you off to the other three shrines.

Ohh, another adrenaline junkie option with the "got it!" Over climbing the tower for a good view or a Deadpan "are you joking?".

"Or so i heard quite some time ago.. I do not know if it actually works as such" so they did not get teleporting to work before? or he just didn't learn how it was done.

So the monks, according to how the Triforce signs they held, apparently associate Power with Magnesis, Wisdom with bombs, Stability with stasis and Courage with cryonis?

The monks dissipate into green specks like Ganon’s soul does under the castle!

I'm not into men but damn if Link doesn't look good in the Warm Doublet.

Oh. My. God, he was King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule!!!!!

Link is such a dumbass, you get to ask Kass "are you a ...bird?" As if the man isn't standing right in front of you. No shit Sherlock! What next, is that a recorder?.

OhhohoHO! You either say "no(, i have not heard of them)" or "Ancient songs?" As if you do not initially realize why they are thought to be ancient which either is old memories warring with the now world or Link not realizing what impact The Calamity had on culture.

Another flat-faced sarcastic remark everyone!

When Manny mentions that his job is checking for beauties/sus people you can either be a dumb dunce and ask about the said beauties or a little menace with "sounds though".

Manny is an Incel, talks a big game and puts himself on top of a pedestal alongside being demanding and a creep.

Does Hateno not have a goddess shrine? Just the ~Evil~ one?

There is a pair of rusty knights sword and shield by the leftmost part of the walkway of Fort Hateno. Some knight probably died laying there, watching out over the field of guardians having been/being purged by Zelda.

A traveler (Chelessa) is interested in history and wants to question Impa about it, and is on her way to do so in fact. . Describes her personality as very pleasant, that must be wrong.

The Yiga know exactly how Links first waking moments played out so either they have extensive knowledge about his character and the setup of the Shrine Of Resurrection or Ganon was watching in on Zelda's call and relayed it to a minion in the clan.

"Hero boy" - derogatory.

Arrow in the eye of the bridge at the entrance of Kakariko, the Yiga are petty and I love it.

Piano's (the painter) hair bun thing that is styled like a pencil has paint on the tip... this man painted with his hair.

So the great fairy Cotera makes it sound like she will enchant your gear because you rejuvenated her, not because you bring the materials to do the enchanting.

The levels of enchantment seemingly depends on physical closeness to the Fairy (blow< indirect kiss< kiss < sex)

She can not enchant beyond Lv 1 without her sister's help, so they share power?

Paya specifies that they have watched over the Orb since the grandmother of the grandmother of Impa, that's 9 whole generations of long lived Sheikah! roughly 1000 years of recorded history!

Again with Link being a dense Shonen protagonist with "where is it?" Or a sly bastard with "really, though?"... maybe so that she would want to prove it ;) 

…”I'll answer you some day, just not today!”

Either Paya is just not ready for that or she is so nervous that she did not think about the fact that her own grandmother was in the room when she said it!

“Served the royal family in secret” so it's not common knowledge that the royals have a village of Magic ninjas!? No wonder it took a damn demon to topple it instead of rebellion or infighting... probably has been like this since the old old king banished 'em.

"The royal family was destroyed, and the members of our tribe scattered."- okay so it was probably some Sheikah that either thought the royal family was completely extinct and either fled or, according to this next bit- "Sadly, there were some who swore allegiance to Ganon at that time. They joined together as the Yiga Clan, seeking out all who opposed Ganon... cutting them down, one after another." 

So from that we get to know that not all Sheikah deserters became enemies (unless the Sheikah dislike defectors enough to hunt them down) and others who either joined an existing opposing group or simply up and created the Yiga clan that then aligned itself with Ganon... probably under either the belief that Hylia's line was extinct and that it was join or die or because they wished to spite the goddess and her followers.

I actually like this way more because it makes no sense that the Yiga could survive before the Calamity when the Royals would have an entire damn country and anbu black-ops to hunt them down with.

"Master link, now that you are awake, you are surely the most formidable opponent standing against them!" Either hero worship or the Sheikah are freshly out on capable warriors with Ninja magic tricks, probably the latter which would explain why the world isn't infested with Lynels or why hynoxes haven't just trampled every settlement.

"No doubt they will come for you, employing whatever underhanded methods they can device" 

oh come on! Do not tell me that i'm stuck with the goodie two shoe ninja clan!? Underhandedness is your bread and butter! No wonder you served the royals in secret because you and them by proxy would have been a laughingstock otherwise!!!

"The great fairy Cotera... few remain who know that this village was built under her watchful eye." So the village is fairy new and the Yiga came about before Kakariko or it is old and so well protected that they can't get in... at least not easily.

"The mysterious power of Cotera is that of sacred protection..." so the Great fairies are linked to either Hylia or the gods, good to know.

So it’s not that Cotera “-would be happy to help” but, instead “i can't think of any reason why she wouldn't be happy to help you”. so either she only directly helps men or the earlier "you can put your trust in the great fairy" means that she judges more favorably for the chosen hero.

"I heard that the weather is going to be beautifully tomorrow... to bad you won't be alive to enjoy it"

So they have weather accurate~ich prediction? through magic or old time methods?

Again: Hero boy - derogatory... It's a common nickname for Link within the Yiga.

The lush green shrine could tell that a buck was on it, so the platforms are most definitely scanners.

A travelers sword by a campfire at the foot of mount Lanayru, so someone either took a swim and died to the Lizardfo, dramatically quit or got killed in their sleep.

Love the effect when you have metal weapons on the ground and swing a ThunderBlade!

You automatically reflect the Octorock's rocks, goes faster if you do it manually.

There is a hollowed out part of a hill/mountain with a lot of fic potential to the North-West of the Sword by the campfire.

Located where the lines meet if you draw a line to the right from Rabia plain and up from Trotter's Downfall.

Koko of Kakariko has been deceived by my cunning and slight-of-hand. 

Yes, Sagessa (woman by the lake of the Dueling peaks stable), there is, in fact, something "quite romantic" in Link's "endeavor" to save Zelda, thank you for noticing!

The chests inside the shrines can only (non-violently) be opened by use of the Sheikah slate so why not steal a few? prefect safe-keeping for more stuff to keep in Links house.

Dunce moment everyone! 

The Yiga traveler tries to seduce Link and you either go with "OK..." so he either has no damn idea about what is going on or is just not good with women? 

Orrrrr you go with a straight "I refuse!" cas you see through their ruse and want to rub their face in the dirt!

According to Mina the Hylian, taking out two Bokoblins is considered as great martial caliber which both she and her traveling companion could not do while decently armed.

Best way to deal with a guardian scout when you have weak weapons: hit with electricity, switch weapon, hit 2-5 times, switch to electric, repeat.

When you first enter the area around Hyrule Castle, smoke Ganon throws a fit until Zelda slaps him away. 

This either means that Zelda canonically gets a larger workload from there on and out or that the both of them push harder against each other every time you get close.

According to Zelda's diary, Link was assigned as her guard after the champions had been appointed.

How Link was focused on her yet did not voice his thoughts apparently "makes my imagination run wild!". Either romantic or dense.

Link admits to staying quiet because of the pressure of being the boy chosen by the sword. 

King Rhoam mentions that he decided to honor THE royal family's traditions by naming his daughter Zelda, and that he is "not a man accustomed to frivolous musings". 

Basically confirming that he is not the parent of royal blood.

They probably knew about The Calamity for a good while cas the page after zelda's naming speaks of the fortune teller, probs 3-8 years since Zelda was described to already have vast interest in the relics.

Pikango gets up at 10 past 5, I spent the night watching him and Beetle sleep.

According to all known laws of aerodynamics, Rito should not be able to fly, is Revali's gale then just an absurdly strong variation of some kind of sky Arcanum that all Rito possess? Do all the races possess one as Well?

Slimes ate the Bokoblins in the tree base at the center of the west Hyrule fields.

Savelle is a helpful guy without a pension for violence.

Munk Shae Loya is just flexing on all the other Munks, those old farts need to sit down while he's been squatting on one leg the last 10'000 years.

Chork of the Tabantha Bridge Stable is drunk.

Toren is either naive or a simp for the Faireys.

If you have the Hylian hood equipped with no weapon while riding at max speed then your cape will flap.

"Sweet boy..." "...I see now that my first impression of you was correct. You most definitely are pleasant to look at." 

So link has some kind of presence/soul-thingy that appears pleasant to mystical creatures? Might be the spirit of the hero or this link in particular.

The Fairy Kaysar makes Link blush! No player input needed! We’ve found one of his types!... either that or he's just shy.

The fairies almost never use normal materials to enchant, it's always either monster parts that don't dissipate or things that grow in magical arias.

The Sheikah towers are sturdy as all hell, the Tabantha tower did not even get a scratch from a giant fucking pillar falling on it.

Okay, am I just crazy or is a Lizardfo and a Moblin holding a class for 5 bokoblins just to the left of the Tabanta fairy fountain!?

Lester, the wise curry rice guy at Rito Stable, describes Link as sunny boy, another point to the soul/aura theory thingy.

Phontos laughs to hide the pain.

According to the story that Kass sings. 

Calamity Ganon was the result of sealing the enemy at its source.

It fought not only the spawn of the Goddess and the bearer of the Spirit Of The Hero but also the army of Guardians and the Champions that piloted the Divine Beasts for quite some time, as implied in the "and the guardians protected them throughout every hour".

So what i get from this is that the attack 10 000 years ago was the first sighting of what we know as calamity Ganon. 

It was also far stronger than the one that attacked 100 years ago which implies that that one was either a rush job or that Ganon bounds had been tightened, both of which would drive him to seek out other methods like corrupting the Guardians.

...And the Guardians are apparently powered by the ancient blue energy which was, time-line wise, first shown when the Golden Goddesses created the world.

No wonder that Ganon was capable of doing this since he most likely is running on fumes, spite and the power of the Triforce which likely is made of/channels said energy.

According to the rumor mill, you need the blood of the Hero in your veins to wield the Master Sword, if this is accurate then that means that Fi is sentimental or that Link has magic blood.

Wildberrys are fucking massive.

Genli (the salmon child) is a cunt, one kid was crying about someone Vah Medoh killed and then Genli is all like "no don't stop it, if you do then i have to go to class again!", She would fit right in with today's youth.

Monk Akh Va'quot has the best position so far, he is just done with your shit.

"You adventurers are Crazy" -> "you're right"

You get nothing if you melt all the ice by the Tabantha tower! You lose! Good day sir!

Monk Daka Tuss got bored during his self-inflicted quarantine and started stacking his arm bands.

Tula (the bathing Zora) said "wow either you are a Hylian or hideously deformed"

Phura has vandalized and mounted one of the spirit frog statues above her door.

Okay but the fucking noice that comes out of Bolson when you buy everything!! It's as if you just walked up and twisted his nuts with the power fit to shield block a Lynel’s charge.

Is the flower by Link's bed a Korok version of a Silent Princess?

The monsters of Hyrule are show to have interest in consumption based on three accounts. 

1: the Bocoblins and the Moblins by Hateno bay steal cattle. 

2: Hynoxes carry around warriors foodstuffs. 

3: Moblins (or at least the ones by the camp near the Serenne stable/forgotten temple) have a resting animation where they dig through the dirt and stuff something down their goblet.

...not to mention that nearly every camp has a bit of meat roasting by the fire.

Koyin has joined the fan-club!

God, the Naydra snowfield is fucking loaded in chill-shromes!

Stasis is perfect for looking for ingredients in forests, just open it, look around and bam! No more hidey hoe.

Why no shiny text for hylia's statue!?

I really do not like that they changed Naydra's colors when the malice was removed, they were so cool and then bam! White! White is not the color for ice and cold!

When praying by the spring of wisdom you are facing Hyrule castle, the same with courage and power if my memory serves me right.

...The master Torch

The Katona Aug shrine is just fucking mini-golf, how is that meant to prepare the hero?! Imagine how that Monk goes to the afterlife and has to look his fellows straight in the eye and admit that he was so lazy that not only did he make the hero play golf, not only was he so lazy that he made the Hero play mini-golf, but that he was so lazy that he did not even make a course! It is literally just a straight line!

Robie wants to see Links scars to verify that he is who he says that he is, Robie was likely one of the ninja that took Link to the shrine of resurrection.

Oh and Robin has two interesting sketches in his lab, the first is a detailed graph of a Sheikah tower so those were likely known about long before Link activated one (the one closest to Robin would be the one covered in malice and guardians so he could not have gotten enough detail from that one).

And the other is a sketch of what I believe is either a tier 2 or tier 3 guardian scout. Now, how can Robin know how that looks if only Link can/could enter shrines?

The Sheikah shrine that has the Barbarian helm is located at the end of the Sinai maze, did they just plop the shrine down there and steal the treasure of the ruin to later present to the hero?

There is one usable room in the citadel.

There is no compendium slot for the malice eyes that litter Naydra, Hyrule Castle and the Divine Beasts.

You can change the element of already elemental slime, not just the neutral kind.

Those head-spitting fuckers inside the divine beasts! They are partially reanimating mobs! So it's not that the Blood Moon is the time where Ganon is at his strongest, it's just where he chooses to revive everything.

The edge of duality can also be found in the shrine at the top of the dueling peaks.

[drummergirl231-2]

I don’t even know what to title this.

I’ve been trying to come up with a title for I don’t know how long and now I’m legit crying because I can’t even figure out how to start this post... so this will have to do.

I’m not okay. I can’t keep up with all this and everything going on in my life. I feel like I’m strapped into a car on a collision course for a brick wall and I’m just frozen in fear anticipating the impact. 

Everything has kind of been spiraling out of control in my personal life (if you want you can skip to the bolded headings for what’s relevant to this blog).

My parents - whom a lot of you know about from my GoFundMe - are moving from California to Tennessee. I can’t afford to stay in California so I have to go with them (though they insist my going with them is my choice and that I totally have other options... but whatever. At least I’ll be out of California). 

If my job can’t transfer me, I’ll lose it just when I was going to get the most hours (and therefore money) of the year, but my parents refuse to wait until after Christmas to sell.

My grandma recently died and even though my grandpa (step-grandfather) invited us up to the house at one point, his horrible son met us on the porch and rudely refused to let us in, telling us his father wasn’t seeing anyone. Now that his horrible son has left, grandpa invited my uncle and aunt up, but not my parents or me, and my uncle said he’s going to do what he can to bring us what we want of grandma’s. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my grandma because her death was sudden, and now I’m scared I won’t get to say goodbye to the only grandpa I’ve ever known, either, because I’m moving to Tennessee and he’s 89 and has heart problems and I’m scared he’ll die of a broken heart in every sense. I’d have liked to say goodbye to the house, too. My grandma didn’t want a funeral. She was one of those “Don’t fuss over me,” types who fussed over all of us. I have zero closure in this situation.

I have to get ready to move but have no idea how/when/where to start. I’m terrified of the 4 day journey to Tennessee, trapped in an SUV with my parents and five animals, including my poor elderly cat, Kira, whose anxiety makes mine look mild. I have Misophonia and so many food allergies I can’t eat out so I don’t know how I’ll do food for four days. My parents say they won’t bring the camping stove for me to warm up my lunches. It’s like they never raised an autistic child.

Things have been crazy for “Kristen,” me, but losing my grandparents, my home, possibly my job, and moving far from any family or friends I trust aside... things haven’t been easy for “DG,” me, either. 

As badly as I want to start a youtube channel about Autism, Misophonia, food allergies, gut health, emotional abuse, etc., I cannot find the answers no matter how much I google when it comes to the tech problems I’ve faced. And I’m not even sure when I’d be able to record these videos because my parents are almost never gone. And when they are it’s not for long, and I just want to relax, and breathe, and be in the living room, and talk and sing out loud, and do all the things I don’t get to do when they’re here for just a little bit. I stay in my room so much I feel like I’m a diver holding my breath and as soon as they leave I can surface and gasp for air. 

Also, I’m getting more and more self-conscious about my acne and this one tooth I have that’s crooked because my mom has enjoyed commenting on them lately and it makes me kind of scared to share my face with the internet and last night I legit had a dream about trying to get these things fixed with more braces and foundation. Like what even I literally don’t care about this stuff when people don’t comment on it. Why do I have to be so sensitive?

Problem is, I am figuring out why. I’ve been doing so much research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic abuse to try to understand my parents and childhood and young adult years, that not only have I been able to identify it in my abusers, but I’ve found some traits in myself. And I’ve searched and studied and tried to see if I have it and after this inward witch hunt I have to conclude I don’t have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I have a few signs of vulnerable narcissism. Even if they’re not enough for a label, they’re definitely things I need to work on (things like hypersensitivity, victim mentality, sulking and shut down, self-sabotage, things like that... and now apparently vanity, but only when people frequently give me flack about my face). Trouble is I don’t know how to work on these because I have no mentor, no counselor/therapist, no pastor, nothin’. And most of the videos about Narcissism are about identifying it or surviving it as the victim, not growing past the traits, because full-blown narcissists generally don’t acknowledge their flaws and try to fix them. So I’m at this annoying and fruitless phase of “self-improvement” where I just frequently scold myself for my thoughts.

YouTube ambitions and flaws aside, I have people waiting for the next chapter of my fanfic, and no one’s been pushy or anything, but there’s this huge weight on me to write, write, write, but with everything else going on in my life I just feel stuck. Like my brain is just “NERP.” And I feel guilty, like I’m the biggest disappointment to people.

And then there’s this blog itself. 

It’s begun to feel more like an obligation for me rather than recreation. Every week I dread the time after a new episode airs. I want to make posts at my pace, about what I want to talk about, like what I used to do. 

But sometimes the link I get has a weird video player window that I can’t make the right size to make decent gifs, and sometimes I can’t even take screenshots because when I pause it it’ll have the play triangle in the middle of the screen and the bottom of the screen will get dark, or sometimes the link just stops working. So I wait for the episode to go up on watchcartoononline because that’s where it works best for me but in the meantime I’m missing out on the fandom being online and by the time the episode goes up I’m just like, “What if the post I make of this moment gets like zero notes because it’s already been giffed and talked about a million times and I’m late to the party? What if I’m disappointing everyone?”

I try to not post anything until I can post about the episode properly, and I’ve asked people not to send me asks or messages with episode spoilers until they’ve seen proof on my blog that I’ve seen the episode, but that hasn’t stopped them. I get spoilery asks anyway.

I get a link relatively quickly but mainly I ask for people to wait for proof I’ve seen the episode because I want a chance to get my own thoughts on the episode out first before people ask me about specific things or straight up demand I talk about what they want me to talk about on my blog. 

For a couple weeks I even made all my posts and saved them as drafts first so real quick I could just post ‘em all in a row and get ‘em out, because I know the second I post one thing I’ll have everyone going “OMIGOSH SHE’S ONLINE,” and trying to send me asks and messages and I’ll be trying to juggle them all while trying to make more posts about what I want to talk about. I feel like I have to reply to those messages because if I don’t I’m scared they’ll see me make another post after they’ve sent their message and be like, “What the heck she’s online why won’t she reply to me?” So sometimes I’ll just stop posting and hope and pray they think they just missed me or something, which isn’t fair to them.

But then I’ll see something new on my dash - art from khionyohann, new screencaps for the upcoming episode that DuckTalks shared - and I’ll want to reblog it, but then I’ll think: “I can’t reblog anything... people will know I’m online then. And I still haven’t posted about the episode. I can’t do things out of order. They’ll think, ‘Why isn’t she talking about the new episode? Why isn’t she answering my asks? Why isn’t she replying to me?”

And by the time the episode gets posted on watchcartoononline (and as long as I don’t have a migraine and I’m not paralyzed with fear), I make my posts, but by then I feel like I’m super late and I don’t even know what the point is of me reblogging things anymore, if I even remember there were things I wanted to reblog.

My time here has become nothing but me trying to please people while simultaneously trying to hide from them.

So... blarg. All that to say, I’m closing my ask box for a while. And I’m sorry to disappoint people. I’m just so overwhelmed by everything right now. Extroverted thinking isn’t even a cognitive function that comes naturally to an INFJ! It’s utterly exhausting. 

And while I do still want to do more posts about the latest episode, I hope you’ll understand that things are just crazy for me right now and I’m not in a good place. I’m trying to be okay and I’m trying to be so excited about an episode that I get motivated enough find ways to blog about it no matter what but I don’t have the energy. I want to reblog stuff, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to interact. 

And for the few I consider true friends on here, please know I’m not asking you to leave me alone or anything. Just know I might not respond as soon as you message me... which, honestly, you’re probably all used to by now, but I still feel super guilty about it.

I just need to simplify my time on here a little bit because I’m not okay.

[cake-writes]

Compromise (Part Nine)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Part Eight / Master List / Spotify Playlist

Lunch was the most uncomfortable ham and cheese melt you’ve ever had.

That’s not to say you didn’t like the diner. Kitschy and quaint – a real hole in the wall, really, and although you’d lived right around the corner for the last two years, you hadn’t even known it was here. If you were being honest, though, you probably would have given it a pass even if you had known. With worn-down tables, cracked red vinyl booths, and chipped mugs filled to the brim with terrible coffee, this wasn’t exactly the kind of place you’d ever take your young daughter.

That said, when you were single and childless, it would have been right up your alley.

Dives were a dime a dozen in New York, but you had your favourites. This one in particular reminded you of a place you used to frequent before, but more so after you started eating for two, especially when Bucky used to indulge your pregnancy cravings. In lieu of flowers, he often brought home your usual order from the little diner down the street: a couple of ham and cheese melts that the two of you shared over Netflix binges well into the night.

You liked the melt from here, too. And the greasy fries.

What you didn’t like was the tension.

This wasn’t a date. Bucky had made that perfectly clear. He didn’t want it to be a date, because he wouldn’t have said ‘no’ to begin with. Right? All he wanted was— well, you weren’t sure what it was he wanted, exactly. He’d invited you out for lunch, but you couldn’t figure out why. To help with your strained co-parenting relationship, perhaps, or did he just enjoy your company?

No way. How could he, when you were so standoffish and nasty all the time?

Some part of you hoped that he still did want to spend time with you, but you pushed that idea right out of your mind. It was more important for you and Bucky to get along for your daughter – to work as a unit, a team, even if you weren’t together.

Right?

The problem was that you missed being together. You missed him.

You missed the twinkle in those gorgeous baby blues when he told you how much he loved you; missed that stupid, smug smile on his face when he teased you; missed the gentleness he offered you, the warmth, the affection. Even if his love was long gone, yours certainly wasn’t, and as of late you’d caught yourself daydreaming about what could have been.

What if you hadn’t ended things?

Where would your little family be?

Would Winnie have a little brother or sister?

Even when things were rocky way back when, you still thought about Bucky, longed for him, maybe even needed him sometimes. As independent as you were before the two of you got together – and after, especially as a single mom – you could definitely get by on your own, but it was nice to share your life with another person. It was nice to have someone to come home to.

When he was there, anyway. He usually wasn’t. Work kept him away.

You were better off on your own.

Right?

Toying with the last half of your sandwich, you found yourself sneaking glances at Bucky from across the well-worn table. Staring at his phone, he seemed lost in thought, brows furrowing as he read the messages he’d just received. He’d been happy to ignore them until the fourth chime; it would have been important, unfortunately, and he’d apologized for even pulling it out at all.

Work.

You certainly didn’t miss that, but today, you didn’t mind. You were just happy to spend time with him. And you were happy to see how far he’d come. Therapy at last; who would have thought? Bucky had taken great strides to better himself, and he’d changed in a lot of ways. Improved.

Soft chestnut locks fell into his face, which he absentmindedly blew out of his eyes as he typed out a response with a quickness you’d never seen. Two years’ experience with modern day technology had apparently upskilled him quite a bit, not that you cared right in this moment because you were more focused on how stupidly attractive he was.

You wanted to run your fingers through his stupid, messy hair. Wanted to brush it out of his stupid, handsome face. Wanted to kiss him and tell him how much you’d missed him.

Stupid to think any of that at all, but you did it anyway.

Your eyes trailed down to the tight, moisture-wicking black t-shirt on his body, which accentuated strong, muscular arms – arms that he’d wrapped around you too many times to count – arms that had always made you feel safe, despite the fact that one of them was cold and hard and dangerous.

Dangerous, but not to you. Never to you. A couple of red marks and bruises, nothing more, and only when you asked him for it. Or begged.

The sudden memory sent a pleasant shiver down your spine.

His thick, callused fingers typed away at the screen, but you knew firsthand just how dexterous they could be. A completely appropriate thought for such a harmless setting, to be sure, and you felt your face start to heat up as your thoughts went down a path they absolutely shouldn’t have.

“It’s Nat,” Bucky said, then, startling you out of your daydream, and your eyes jerked up to his.

“What?” you asked hoarsely.

“Natasha.” He waved his phone just a little to indicate what he was talking about, before he set it to the side. “She wants a debrief.”

Right. The mission. The one he’d just returned from.

“It’s fine,” you told him as evenly as you could manage, heart pounding within the confines of your chest. It felt like you’d been caught fantasizing about him, caught red-handed, but he didn’t seem to notice. “You don’t have to explain.”

You’d never expected him to share work details with you, and you still didn’t. Curiosity was human nature, but you didn’t need to know. That wasn’t what mattered, anyway; what mattered was that he never used to be around because of it.

Now he was.

“I know I don’t have to,” he said, casually reaching over the table to steal a couple of your fries. He’d already eaten all of his, along with the rest of his food. Bucky had always been a fast eater; that hadn’t changed, at least, and neither had his familiarity with you in such a casual setting.

You liked it.

Still wanted some paybacks, though, so as he went to shove your fries into his mouth, you reached over and snatched the pickle off of his plate. He’d saved it for last, because James Buchanan Barnes had always loved a good dill pickle. That hadn’t changed, either.

Fries just inches away from meeting their untimely death, Bucky froze, as if he only happened to realize just now what he’d done. The guilty look on his face told a different story, however.

“Give me the fries or the pickle gets hurt,” you warned.

“Hey,” he pleaded half-heartedly. “Come on, you’re not gonna eat ‘em all—”

“Fries,” you repeated, inching the pickle closer to its demise: your mouth.

“Okay, okay! Here.” Bucky held them out to you – a peace offering, or maybe he was just kissing ass. He’d always been good at that, hadn’t he? “Damn. Forgot how much you love your fries.”  

You, of course, did what any normal person would do. You took them right out of his hand. Except, unlike any other normal person, you used your mouth.

Your lips brushed against his callused fingertips, accidental contact that felt like pure electricity. It made you remember all sorts of things the two of you had once done behind closed doors – things you absolutely shouldn’t have been thinking of in this particular setting, or at this particular moment. 

One-track mind. Especially today.

Why?

Even you heard his sharp intake of breath. 

Emboldened, not to mention empowered by the stunned expression on Bucky’s face, you licked away the salt from your lips. “Guess we’re gonna have to make sure you don’t forget again, huh?”

Then you took a bite of the pickle, as if to make a point. What point that was, you had no idea, and it didn’t matter anyway. This was all just a confident façade, a front meant to hide the racing of your heart.

You watched his surprise give way to something a little darker – a certain look that matched your memories tit-for-tat and had your panties sticking uncomfortably to the apex of your thighs. 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart.”

His voice, low and rough, set your body on fire.

Oh, this was a dangerous game.

You loved it.

“I don’t know, Buck,” you drawled, eyeing the pickle. “Two years is a long time, isn’t it? Been awhile since you stole some of my fries.”

Then you turned your attention back to him. 

Teasing, yes. Dangerous, absolutely.

You were flirting. Why, oh why, were you flirting? Nothing good would come of this, but you couldn’t stop yourself. He’d changed. This wasn’t the same Bucky anymore. Deep down, it was still him, just a better version, a fact that was becoming more and more evident the more time you spent with him.

Your nerves went haywire as Bucky studied your face; his eyes traced every dip and curve and feature, and when you worried your lower lip in between your teeth, his focus lingered on your mouth for a few seconds longer than necessary.

Tense in the best way. You loved that, too.

Then he cleared his throat and looked away.

“You… You go ahead and have it, doll. I’ll get the check.” 

Rejection. That’s what it was. Pure and simple.

What the hell were you thinking? Of course Bucky turned you down. Not that your intentions were obvious, anyway; you didn’t even know what you wanted from him, so how could he? How on earth could he know that you’d been longing for him like an idiot? 

You’d been daydreaming not just what could have been, but what could be.

Except it couldn’t. Not really.

Your relationship was over. It would always be over. The two of you had already come to an agreement that your daughter was more important. Her safety. Her stability. Winnie didn’t need parents who argued and couldn’t stand each other. She needed good role models. She needed love, and this was the best way of ensuring that she got it. Better to love her separately and do a good job parenting her than the alternative.

Right?

So what the hell had gotten into you?

Maybe you’d flirted because the future wasn’t set in stone, and you had hope. For some stupid reason, you hoped that he felt the same way, that he wanted this too, that he missed you just as much as you missed him. And that was worst part of all, because you already knew he didn’t. 

Two years was a long time. He would have moved on by now, just like you should have. 

You hadn’t. You couldn’t. 

How idiotic.

“You’re quiet,” came Bucky’s voice from your left, soft but playful. “What happened to all that sass?”

His gentle ribbing pulled you out of your reverie, and that was when you realized that the two of you had just made your way back past the playground in the park. Despite your embarrassment, the sun was still shining, the kids were still playing, and the parents were still around, still watching, still together.

Not like the two of you.

Ever the gentleman, Bucky had insisted on walking you home after paying for your meal. His invitation, his treat.  And you’d thanked him, of course, but for the entire walk back you’d been ruminating over the fact that you made a fool out of yourself.

“I’m tired,” you lied. In reality, you were wide awake. Too awake. “I had some trouble sleeping last night. It’s hard to turn my brain off sometimes.”

That, at least, was the truth.

His soft laugh made your heart ache. “Yeah, I know the feeling.” Then he paused, likely to consider whether it was appropriate before he finally offered, “Anything I can help with?”

You met his eyes, then – such a stunning blue, a reflection of clear blue sky and far too genuine – before you quickly turned away, shoving your hands in your pockets. A nervous tic, maybe, or a defense mechanism.

A barrier. 

A wall.

“No,” you responded, even though you desperately wanted to say the opposite, “but thanks.”

Rejection. That’s what it was. Pure and simple.

“Sure,” was all he said before an awkward silence came over the two of you, and you only vaguely noticed when his hands slid into his pockets, too.

Interlude #3

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

The rest of the morning was spent getting dressed and ready for their day to begin. Rise only had a few of the more cliched touristy things in mind, since she had been planning it out with the whole of the Investigation Team — such as whale watching, or hitting up Okinawa World. Even though none of them were old enough to drink their fabled "snake liquor", they were all for exploring the caves that ran beneath the theme park.

When Ai had asked if she wanted her to return the favour, Rise declined. The truth was that while she desperately wanted to sate her urges, she knew they were both feeling a little out of sorts from all their exploration so far — which was why she thought the downtime would be good. Now they could sort through their feelings while sightseeing, and come back to it several hours later, hopefully having gained some kind of wisdom along the way.

Though there was one small problem…

"Will you stop that?" Ai hissed as she and Rise lingered toward the back of the group climbing the steps to the historical Shuri Castle. Yukiko was definitely the one most interested, but the others didn't mind seeing the notable sites.

"Stop whaaat?"

"Stop trying to grab me by the balls. I tried to tell you, it's not a toy!"

Pursing her lips, she pulled her closer to whisper in her ear, "It's my toy. I'm having a lot of fun with it." But then she dropped back with a giggle. "And we both know that if you didn't want me to, you'd try harder to stop me. But all you have to say is 'You need to stop' again and I'll know you're serious."

Ai pursed her lips… but said nothing. Perfect. She had a feeling she was enjoying the attention, even if not the specific form it took. "Dumb bitch," she said yet again.

"You love meeeeee," she cooed with a grin and a little bounce as they reached the top, leaning over to rest her head against her shoulder. Even though she decided not to grab for her unmentionables anymore, she wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Okay, you two," Yosuke sighed irritably as he laced his fingers behind his head. "I know you two have this whole weird 'bet' going, or whatever it is, but do you have to rub it in for the rest of us who don't have anybody? Like, look at Yukiko and Chie and Naoto; they don't have boyfriends! You're gonna make 'em feel bad, too!"

Apparently, he had thought appealing to their solidarity with other women would be more effective than pleading his own case. But Rise just giggled, because she saw the look Yukiko and Chie shared. Naoto was as stoic as ever… but she thought she noticed Kanji blushing. That would make perfect sense, those two — she just had no evidence they were also a thing.

Poor Yosuke. No chance at love unless Narukami came back, or he decided to give in to-

"WHAT A PRETTY CASTLE!" Teddie burst out in a gushy tone of voice, lacing his fingers together next to his own face as he stared up at the doorways. "Ohhh, can we live here? Pleeeeaaaase?!"

"No," Yosuke sighed very tiredly with no hesitation whatsoever. "And I thought I reminded you a whole damn five minutes ago to keep it down!"

Rise was laughing at that reprimand when her cell phone went off, making much more noise than Teddie ever had been. Holding up a finger, she stepped a little further away from the group to take it.

"Yes?"

"Miss Kujikawa."

After a brief second of surprise, she managed to breathe, "Minoru-chan! What's… I mean, hey!"

Minoru Inoue's stoic voice returned over the earpiece of her phone as she turned away from the group. "I have been trying to call you all morning. Is there an issue with your cell phone carrier? Would you like me to look into the cause of-"

"No, no, it's… it's fine." This was inconvenient, but she wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. "So what's up? I'm out with friends, we're on vacation."

"Yes, about that… I'm going to send you a couple of images. Tell me if you notice anything."

So she pulled the phone back in order to check the screen. Sure enough, within seconds the images were coming in via text, and when they finally loaded…

"O-oh, you saw those!" she laughed as lightly as she could manage despite the way her heart began pounding in her throat. So many pictures! Each one featured her and it behara laughing together, walking hand in hand, arguing… only one or two showed anything that could be construed as romantic, but all of them could have been explained away as friendship if one tried hard enough. "Yep, all according to plan. It's fine! They're fine, don't… don't worry about 'em!"

"Which 'plan' was this? Certainly nothing approved by the label."

"Something I thought of on the spur of the moment. It's so easy for an idol to fade into the background, isn't it? Well… here's me, finding a way to stand out! It'll be great — you'll see!"

"There are already a lot of polarising comments on the message boards," Inoue went on, and Rise found herself glancing around to make sure nobody else could hear her. A couple of her friends — including Ai — were glancing over at her to make sure everything was alright, but they were far enough away they probably didn't catch a word. "Everyone is very invested — for both positive and negative reasons."

"See? It's working!"

"No, you misunderstand, Miss Kujikawa. The label is uncomfortable with your career taking this direction. They're considering severing their association with you."

Rise felt her blood chill in her veins. "They're gonna fire me? Because… I'm dating a girl?" She had considered adding a 'maybe' in there, but decided against it. That wasn't how she wanted to move forward with her life.

"They're considering it. There's no real official position on these matters, but businessmen tend to be more conservative. Even if they like the idea of flash and attention-seeking behaviour because it typically only helps a celebrity's visibility, if it's the wrong kind of visibility, it could eventually reflect poorly on the label itself."

"That's not fair," she immediately shot back. And then her higher reasoning skills kicked back in. "And they already know what a moneymaker my voice and my looks are, that I know how to work it. I'm cute, and I know how to be cute."

"The label wants you to be cute and available," he stressed. "They understand that most of our idols will marry eventually, but they hope to get as many men lusting after the idea of being your boyfriend for as long as possible."

"They're delusional."

"Yes, they are. But that's where the money is."

Sighing, she found a nearby pillar and leaned back against it as she thought about the entirety of the situation. Tried to weigh her options. "Well… okay, so I can ride the scandal for a while, can't I? Like, there hasn't been a lesbian idol. Not that I remember."

"Don't you think there's a reason why you can't remember? Because they aren't encouraged to be out publicly. And if they can't conduct that business in private, then the labels have no use for them."

Anger was starting to overtake her anxiety. "That 'business', huh? Maybe it's not any of their business."

"Of course it is. An idol in this country? Literally every aspect of your personal life reflects on your profession, colours public opinion. You know this as well as I do."

"Well… I don't care. Like, if they really want to cut me loose, they can go ahead, but I think they would really be shooting themselves in the foot if they don't see how this plays out first."

"They're already on point of doing that, Miss. You're already essentially 'retired' and trying to make a comeback. If there were going to be a homosexuality scandal, it would be ideally placed for when you're already riding high on the charts, or are on a slight decline — and even then, it's still very risky. So you should really start thinking about whether or not you want this comeback at all."

"Now you're starting to piss me off," she snapped. "This isn't a 'scandal' or a 'business' or any of that stuff! This is my life! Isn't the whole point for me to be entertaining? I can do that and be with a woman at the same time!" She heard him start to interrupt, but she pushed ahead, "Maybe it's about time Japan had an openly queer pop star, because there sure as hell aren't enough of us! So you can shut the fuck up until you have something a little less caveman to say!"

And she hung up on him. Deep down, she knew she was being unfair to Minoru; he was just trying to do his job, and seeing everything through that public relations lense. But she hated the fact that they were trying to tell her she couldn't even date the woman she wanted to date. Nevermind that she was serious about it, and they all thought this was either a publicity stunt, or just some random person she wanted to hold hands with for five seconds before throwing her away. Everything in the world of light music was so immaterial. She wasn't even sure she really was gay or bisexual or whichever label fit her; why did it have to be so important to everyone when it didn't even affect them?

Looking over at Ai was enough to reassure her that she had done the right thing. Even though she wasn't even paying attention to her at the moment, just looking around the brightly-coloured interior of the castle, she was still just as gorgeous as ever — and she was a woman. The only woman Rise had ever found herself thinking about as not just attractive, but as someone she was attracted to. Every time she tried to examine that and figure out if it was a fluke, she just found herself falling yet harder for the stunning upperclassman. Who wouldn't be? Plenty of boys wanted to be with her, so it was understandable.

Because at least some small part of her was lesbian. Maybe more than a small one.

As she stowed her phone, she took a look at Chie and Yukiko. Chie was cute in a playful, carefree way, and Yukiko was so elegant. Could she be into them? No, not really; she had never thought about them that way in the past and wasn't too inclined to start now. Though if she were to choose…

That was interesting. Her brain instantly whispered, "It would be Yukiko," and she didn't even understand the reason. Was she into girlier girls?! Turning her attention to Chie, she knew she was also appealing in a different way, but something about that extra-feminine… maybe it was because she associated that with Ai now. She and Yukiko were both very put together, even if Yukiko took a simpler approach to her dress and makeup and hair; more traditional.

Weird thoughts. Shaking her head out, she jogged to catch up with the group, putting on a happy face.

"What was that shit all about?" Kanji asked idly.

"Nothing," she said with a big smile, trying to put her best foot forward. "What about you guys? What's this all about?"

After a brief pause, Chie said, "It's… a castle…?"

"Well, um, yes, but are we all having fun? Come on, get excited — we're in Okinawa! Away from our parents and school and all that dumb stuff! Let's have FUN!"

Nobody could argue with that.

                                                ~ o ~

Only once they were at lunch did Ai catch up to her and confront her on trying to hide her true feelings about that phone call. After she had related the entirety of the conversation, Ai looked like she would throw her soba and chanpuru at the wall; she even threatened to pick it up and do that very thing.

"Shhh, stop that," Rise half-snickered. "It's not that big a deal."

"It is to me! That fucking asshole thinks he can push you around and tell you who to be?!"

"I know! It's so gross, and invasive, and… I just don't think it's very nice for the label to be breathing down my neck so much!"

Ai sighed as she stirred her noodles distractedly, posture slumping. "But you'd probably better think about doing as they say."

"Huh?"

"Well, you have your entire future to think about, right? I don't want to be the one holding you back. They're gross, but they're probably also just reading the room. They know what it takes to get you where you want to be, and… I ain't it."

A flash of anger welled up within Rise as she picked at her rafute. "No. You're what I need because you're my friend and you make me happy."

"Friend, huh? You do that with all your friends?" When Rise opened her mouth, she held up her hand, chopsticks still between her fingers. "Just messing with you."

"Shut UP, oh my GOD." Then they both laughed very briefly before Rise felt another sigh coming on. "Honestly, I think they're wrong about this. I've checked the online spaces myself, too — don't they think I have? Don't they think I'm better at it than those old crusty guys are?!"

"Tell them, girl!"

"Are you two okay over there?" Chie asked with a little laugh.

"NO!" they both answered, only making both tables laugh. There hadn't been enough space at any one table at the restaurant they found, so most of them ended up at the big one. Ai had volunteered the two of them to take another small one nearby — and Rise now realised the reason was this interrogation.

"Anyway, if they don't want me on the label anymore, that's that. I can find a way to pursue music without them."

Mouth full, Ai just nodded and pointed her chopsticks at her for a second until she swallowed. "YES. The internet is here and it's queer, and they're old guard who are going to die out. Viral videos are really starting to become a big part of how artists get noticed. YouTube and Niconico and stuff. Who even cares about TV anymore?"

"A lot of people," Rise sighed resignedly. "Especially in rural areas — which will also be the same people who don't want to see me dating a woman. Just not kids our age as much as we used to."

"Well… okay, yeah, that's true."

"It's okay, though. The future isn't for old people, it's for us. Me being who I am, dating who I want to date, is part of pushing forward, y'know? Not that I want to be some big activist… I don't know enough about that stuff. Not as much as you probably do. But I'm not going to hide who I am just because some old people tell me I have to; I've done enough of that for a lifetime. Now I just want to figure out the real Rise and love her, and show the world who she is."

Though she had finished and gone back to eating a moment later, waiting for Ai to respond, she never did. So eventually she glanced up to see her simply smiling across the table at her, elbows leaning on its surface as her mascara-laden eyelashes fluttered a little.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just proud of what a bitch you can be when you need to."

"Huh?! I'm not a bitch!"

"It's a compliment, dumbass. Bitches get shit done."

"Oh. Well, um… thank you?"

Ai chuckled at her for a moment, prompting Rise to kick her under the table. Then they both started flicking tiny bits of food at each other from across the tabletop until Yosuke asked what the hell they were doing, prompting a loud peal of laughter from them both. Even though at the time, Rise was mostly worried about her career and whether or not she was making the right steps, she would forever look back on that as a glorious moment she had shared with Ai Ebihara. With her girlfriend.

                                                To Be Continued…

[sepublic]

So given how terrible the blight parents are I wonder how their parenting methods effected Emira and Edric given their care free and rebellious nature? I also find it worth noting that the twins don’t really seem to have many reservations about who they make friends with.

           Well, I’ve already tried my hand at analyzing those two. But if I had to guess…

           I think the implication is that Emira and Edric have each other. Amity is clearly defined as an incredibly lonely individual, and even when she had her best friend Willow back then, she couldn’t exactly confide in Willow about any grievances she had towards her parents. But Ed and Em? They’re literal twins and siblings. No matter what they go through, they go through together.

           Similarly, Emira and Edric just seem… Naturally more confident and sociable. Whether or not that’s just how they were born, or the result of slightly different upbringings, or otherwise; We can’t say for sure. But as you’ve suggested, I feel like part of the reason why the twins are such troublemakers (beyond them already having a penchant for that kind of thing), is because they’re defying their parents in their own way? Edric himself says he’s allergic to the rules; These two have no reservations about appearing ‘proper’.

          Them being a lot more sociable also means that they’ve likely interacted with others more and thus have a better view of how people actually act, or at least should. Likewise, they definitely lived underneath a strict household; Maybe not TOO strict at first, but enough that these two would’ve grown to dislikes rules and authority as a result!

           Then again… We never DO see Ed and Em talk to anyone outside of their family besides Luz, who they already know has a connection to Amity for various reasons. But regardless, I wouldn’t be surprised if the twins have the confidence to be more openly defiant against what their parents say because they have one another as support, just have more self-esteem like that, and interact with other people more. Even if Luz is the only ‘outsider’ we see them going out of their way to interact with, these two kids obviously are still rebels in their own right.

           We also know that the twins are VERY talented- They skip class, but otherwise their grades can’t be argued with. Emira and Edric apparently have the highest scores on the exam; Or at least scores so high that Amity feels the need to compete with them. Given how Amity knows about Ed and Em’s class-skipping, but still regards their scores as valid, this would suggest that the twins are INDEED pretty skilled, and naturals at it. They don’t have much to worry about because everything they do, they ace through without effort! I have to wonder if Ed and Em are like Eda, in that they both enjoy their curriculum but hate the stifling environment, hence why all three are talented in magic but hate the rules. But given how Edric laughs about the idea of him and Emira being interested in school, probably not.

           Now what’s interesting is that in Amity’s diary, she mentions how her parents apparently just let Ed and Em get away with things, and claims that she knows they aren’t perfect. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ed and Em being naturally talented and skilled, and thus having a guaranteed successful future, is why their parents are allegedly more lenient with them; To Mr. and Mrs. Blight, Emira and Edric are their popular kids who do things effortlessly and with grace! There’s nothing to worry about too much…

           But Amity? I suspect that there may be pressure on her… That her parents are disappointed that Amity didn’t immediately prove to be the child prodigy that her siblings were. As a result, Amity’s parents feel the need to put extra pressure on her, to make sure she maintains the family name. But not only that…

           Some more speculation, but I have to wonder if despite their good skills, Emira and Edric still manage to annoy their parents for precisely the above-mentioned reasons, and know it? Perhaps when Mr. and Mrs. Blight raised them first, they didn’t expect the twins to become so rebellious and defiant; Potentially because they had one another as support. And with the twins being confident able to see through the pressure that their parents put on them, Mr. and Mrs. Blight have essentially ‘given up’, labelling their first-born children a lost cause…

           …While focusing pressure on Amity; Amity, the new kid who’s supposed to make up for the flaws of her older siblings. Amity, who isn’t too old to mold into the perfect, ideal Blight now that her parents know how they’ve ‘messed up’ with the twins. So it’s possible that Emira and Edric are considered too old to reshape into the ideal children that Mr. and Mrs. Blight want, so they’ve focused all their efforts on Amity; Who is much more vulnerable, younger, and naturally less confident. They keep a close eye on Amity and control everything about her life, because they don’t want to end up like her siblings; Who, while they ARE talented (and this somewhat compensates for their ‘mistakes’), they’re still not ideal.

           So instead of bothering to discipline Emira and Edric, their parents have more or less just ignored them in favor of Amity. And, I have to wonder if Amity is also at least somewhat aware of this, given how she knows that Ed and Em seemingly don’t get in trouble with their parents, and are just naturally more defiant against the rules like that. I can see Amity’s parents encouraging her not to be like her troublemaking siblings; Or Amity just naturally competes with Ed and Em for her parents’ affection anyway. Only, her parents aren’t truly fond of the twins… Just ignoring them at this point, or passing them off as ‘sufficient’ for their grades and popularity in school.

           I also have to wonder if Ed and Em turned out better because there wasn’t as much pressure back then; Their parents expected them to grow up super-obedient at the time, and didn’t foresee the twins being such troublemakers. Perhaps this privilege of not having to live as strictly led to Emira and Edric embracing a troublemaking lifestyle, and by the time their parents noticed; It was too late! They had grown to be rebellious kids and adding more rules wasn’t going to change things. So, may as well leave them to their fate and focus on the one kid they CAN change…

           And as I mentioned in that previous analysis, I think Ed and Em are at least somewhat aware of the effect that their parents have on Amity, and that’s why they want her to loosen up; There is little doubt in my mind that they were also abused. Possibly not as much as Amity, but still- The effects of their parents’ teachings are still there. Emira and Edric believe in ‘tough love’, that one has to do harsh punishments for the ones they love, and I can see them also acting out of selfish retribution for being told on. Similarly, they’ve also had their fair share of just general meanness towards Amity for the sake of entertainment; I can’t completely gloss over that. This lack of self-reflection may be a result of Emira and Edric just naturally being privileged kids.

Of course, I’ll give the twins more slack given that they seem genuinely concerned with how Amity pushes others away- I’m not sure if they know why Amity broke ties off with Willow. Either way, they’re looking out for her… and I wonder if that’s part of why they like Luz so much; They see her immediately try to make a friend with Amity so unconditionally, and they’re like, “Perfect! The perfect friend to get Mittens to lighten up, a natural troublemaker who can teach her that there’s more to life than rules!” And of course, Ed and Em interact with Luz themselves and see first-hand how lovable she is, and grow to unconditionally like her as well!

TL;DR I think Emira and Edric manage to compensate for their perceived ‘flaws’ by being naturally-confident, talented people; Them having one another likely helps with this. Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Blight still see how their first-born kids are delinquents with no respect for authority… It may be due to privilege since their parents never bothered to enforce many rules, or because they DID impose them. Regardless, when Amity rolls around, the parents basically give up on the twins, and focus all their effort on molding Amity in particular while she’s still ‘young and fresh’, and making sure not to make the same ‘mistakes’ that they made in letting the twins be their own individuals.

           And, this gives mixed messages to Amity; To be better than her siblings, but also being punished by her parents for not being as good as them when it comes to grades and other things like that. Ed and Em are aware of the effect their parents are having on Mittens (they’ve experienced it firsthand), but they’re not self-aware enough to realize that they’vealso internalized some toxic teachings as well, and have also been pretty harsh and mean to Amity with their pranks. They mean well, it’s just that Emira and Edric underestimate or don’t think fully on what their actions are doing; I’m fairly confident that the twins are also a major part in why Amity is the person she is now.

But, we know after Covention that they actually apologize to Amity and try to make things up to her. It’s possible that they’re also doing this to keep Amity from getting them in trouble with their parents (see my previous analysis), but genuine love is there nonetheless, alongside some growth, maturity, and self-reflection. It’s also why they like Luz so much; Not only is she just neat to the twins, but they know that she’s the perfect person for helping Amity unlearn the toxic abuse from their parents.

           (What I’m saying is, Emira and Edric TOTALLY ship Lumity, and it may have been their intention from the start.)

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

[shaekingshitup]

Shae’s First Date

For anyone who is bored: the most brief (that I can recap because ya girl is a lengthy heaux) summary of my first date goes as follows:

EDIT: THIS SHIT AIN'T BRIEF. SORRY NOT SORRY 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ But I put a TLDR at the end.

I matched with a guy on Bumble who had some cool hobbies and some of which overlapped with mine. We talked daily for almost 2 weeks before we met up in person and the guy was a very big charmer/woo-er. Like if I was messaging this kid I was constantly laughing and smiling

Tbh this was a lil bit of a red flag to me becauae I'm like: "no one is this charming. Something has gotta be up" & I legit came up with a few different scenarios. But I chose to shelf them because people do that to me all the time.

Like I'm just a really loving person and I will gas people up or go out of my way to make them happy if I can and people always want to try me like that can't truly be how/who I am or if I'm doing it it's because I'm trying to get at that person and they are always wrong. All the way from best friends to new acquaintances I really just like when people are happy. I mean the world's shitty already, if I can make your day easier or put smile on your face I'm game!

So we're on the phone one night (stayed up to 3 am sacrificing my sleep talking to this dude 🙄) talking more about who we are as people, what we're looking for in an ideal partner, etc. I told him straight up both via call and via message that honesty is really important to me. I value honesty with myself and also with others.

So also in this late night call things got a lil spicy 🌶 🌶 I was honest and told him that I'm pretty much a blank slate. Never fucked/sucked, etc or had anything like that done to me. He was taken aback like everyone I share this with is. Apparently I'm some sort of unicorn 🦄 out here in these streets to all y'all hoes. He makes a comment about stealing a kiss from me the next night and I said "I might allow it."

But the point is. I told him what it was. I was honest. That's my truth.

I didn't tell him that I'd never been on a date/kissed anyone because he didn't ask. Maybe if I would've said something, things would've been different. But I can't "what if" what's already happened y'all!

SO, day of. We messagin and snapping. I'm allll ready. We're going to a drive in and I'd never been to one before so I'm excited. I'm also just committed to making this a good time because I easily get distracted and often don't stop to take my experiences in to experience them fully. So I said not today!!

I got snacks. All of his favs and some of mine. I brought drinks and a blanket. I looked good.

Like I said in my pre-date post: I didn't have any lofty ideas about this dude being my soul mate or anything but I anticipated a good time.

He picked me up at our designated location. My sister met him and got his license plate; because apparently I had enough sense to realize I didn't know this nigga but not enough sense to later realize I didn't know this nigga.

It wasn't gonna take as long to get to the drive in as originally anticipated. So we went to a local park and sat in the car and talked because the park was PACKED and ya know RONA!

It was somewhat awkward because it was our first time talking face to face. But we found a groove and I'm extroverted af y'all. So, I can get people to have a conversation.

Topics range from our days, music and conspiracy theories which he's really into. What kind? Like: Shakespeare wrote the Bible is one. A lot of people that we know from media aren't really the original ones that we were introduced to is another. Ya know like that Beyoncé is not the real Beyoncé. There's two Trumps. There's two Hilary Clintons etc.

So at this point sensible me is like: this can be the point where you go home girl. You're 5 minutes away from your place. You can just say this ain't workin and cut it short.

OPTIMISTIC/BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT GIVIN/NAIVE SILLY ME IS LIKE: well, I 100% don't agree with anything you're saying just because you're saying it. But ya know, I don't know everything and I'm not in the business of judging people-especially since we just met and I don't want this human to feel uncomfortable. So, okay. I don't agree. But I won't judge. Let's just continue on.

If you haven't guessed by now which me I listened to, you may be just as silly as I am 🙃🙃🙃

But obviously I continued on and that's what I call mistake #1

So we're driving to the drive in. I'm realizing we're kind of different in ways. Most notable is that dude was raised Jehovah's Witnesses and celebrates 0 holidays & I'm in love with Halloween and at least birthdays.

We miss the drive in entrance due to my poor navi skills & he decides to smoke before we pull in. He offers it to me and I accept. This is mistake #2

Ya girl hasn't smoked in 6 years. I tried edibles recently. But that shit ain't the same. I really just feel like I said I wanted to be present and then I smoked and I was tired and everything was kind of dull?

So I'm high and sleepy but still a lil excited because it's my first drive in!! We get there and park and the drive in is really just a giant protection screen we all park in front of. Lmao. 😅 Idk what I was expectin but not that. But it was still cool. It's 10 and this movie still hasn't started because the last one is still showin credits.

Dude says he wants to chill in the back but he's going to the bathroom. I AM SLEEPY. THAT IS WHAT WEED DOES TO ME. Plus I was on the phone til 3 AM. So I'm like imma close my eyes before this thing starts since it's already late.

So while he goes to the bathroom I legit laid down in the back on a pillow because ya girl is a sleepy heaux 😴

He comes back and pits the pillow in his lap and is talking to me because this movie ain't started yet. My eyes are closed but I'm listening and everything and he's massaging my shoulders and whatnot. Eventually advertisements about common courtesy come on and what not. But that's not important and I don't move.

Soo he says something I'M ASSUMING IT WAS ABOUT THE KISS (I don't remember y'all. I'm about to skimp on some of these details because that high was really kickin in and I was feelin foggy.) But, I said "I would allow it." And he kissed me.

It honestly felt anticlimactic as fuck. Yeah my mind is kind of foggy because of the weed so I feel like I wasn't as fully cognizant as I would have been if I was sober minded. But also, it just happened

I'm in my head af. I've never done this and I'm sure I'm shit at it but I'm trying not to be ya know? Dude's tongue is in my mouth. His hand is under my romper.

So, I'm a roll with the punches kind of human and the rest of the film we pretty much are making out (lowkey meh), groping (I hate this word) & watching Deadpool ( for people who needed that detail)

As previously stated, all of this shit is new to me. But, I'm also not a "prude". I chose not to kiss/fuck anyone prior to this because it was what I wanted for a period of time. I couldn't do much in the date department because I was just not approached often or by people I wanted to entertain. But the opportunities for all that physical shit were presented and I chose not to just like I chose to engage in those activities on this date. I'm real big on not judging nor regretting those choices because those were what I wanted at one point and that's it. Soo if you got opinions about what I was out here doin, keep em to yaself.

We ended up making out and I feel like it was cool.. but just not great. We did other shit minus actual fucking. But it all just felt pretty muted to me. Not bad. Not uncomfortable. Just not great and I think in hindsight it was because I a) really didn't know and have an established connection with this dude and b) I was high.

He really wanted me to suck his dick and I was really hesitant to do that. Not even that much because I was checking off a lot of "firsts' or anything like that but because I swore I was gonna be shit at it due to 0 experience and that was what I told him. Like, I wanna be good at shit and also I would like if the person I was hooking up with was actually enjoying being with me ya know? Is that not a thing? Y'all just be out here tryna get ya nut and say fuck it to whomever you with? Lemme be a unicorn then. 🦄

But anyways, I did this and he says like nothing. I'm in my head af trying to recall upon all of my BP smut I've read and trying not to suck at sucking (SO THANKS TO ALL OF Y'ALL WHO BE WRITING SMUT!!). After a few minutes the car turns off and Ryan Reynold's ain't talking anymore. Sooo I take this as a sign that I should stop and tell him as much.

He turns the car back on so we can still hear the movie & I'm pretty much like half watching the movie and talking to him like: "Soooo. I did that and I feel like I was right." To which he responds, "I've had worse," which is like ya know the compliment of the century and the most reassuring feedback you can give someone who is insecure about shit they've never done.

We still ended up making out and I gave him a handjob and finished the movie. I can't recall if it was at this point or when he drove me home but he basically implied that I was a liar and that is the shit that literally makes me wanna go back in time and tell former me to never say yes to a date with this nigga.

He drove me home and I was pretty quiet listening to Ari Lennox (💕) and thinking/processing. He gets to my place and we're talking now that we're parked and tells me that he thought I probably wasn't right about never having sex before. He told me I probably just had sex like 3 years ago and it had been so long that's why I said that and that's why my pussy is so tight.

So, I'm real life hurt. I like to consider myself to be someone who has a good character and I am really big on honesty.

So I asked him why he said that if I told him from jump what it was. He told me that his ex lied a lot and that he just couldn't believe me..

And I know for certain that his assumption was independent of any of my actions. He literally just told me so. He projected his insecurities onto me. But I'm a sensitive ass heaux and that shit still shook me. PBS raised me right. I don't be out here lyin & I don't like when people try to tell me who tf I am.

We pretty much just ended up arguing about the night and he was doing it on purpose because he thinks it's sexy when women are mad. But when I get mad, I get done. If I let enough shit slide and you have the audacity to try and flip my script, I will fucking write you out of it.

Then I looked up at the time and realized I was sitting in this car arguing with nigga for at least 25 minutes. So I was just like: bitch, why are you still here?

I told him straight up that when I got out of that car he could forget about talking to me altogether and he was like: "I'll let you know when I make it home."

I told him he need not bother because apparently I'd finally gained some damn sense. I exited the car. He left. He hit me up when he made it home but I just deleted the app and removed him off of snap because I meant that shit.

TLDR; Went on my first date with a conspiracy theorist I matched with on Bumble and he told me I lied about my lack of sexual history.