#apparently that regularly happens
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As an outsider, I do think it's very telling that the only good thing they can think of to say about that guy who got shot is that he was a father.
Not just because everybody should have more good things to say about them than that, but because… he ran a company that (in theory) pays for people's healthcare?
Like, that's what a health insurance is, right? The Americans have way too expensive healthcare for any normal person to afford, so they get insurance to help them pay. That's supposed to be the deal, isn't it?
And yet nobody is posting saying stuff like: “my Auntie Mabel would have died from her cancer, if UHC insurance hadn't paid for her treatment!”
Or “after the accident, I thought Timmy would never walk again, but thanks to physiotherapy paid for because we had UHC insurance he's playing for his school football team!”
In fact, a bunch of people are saying stuff like: “after the accident, I thought Timmy would never walk again— and I was right, because UHC said that being bipedal was a pre-existing condition, and Timmy ended up dying from gangrene due to lack of treatment.”
Like, the NHS has done a lot of fucked up stuff (google 'NHS scandal' for examples) and has some bullshit policies. But they also help people on a daily basis, because that's their job.
What the fuck service is UHC meant to be providing? Because it apparently isn't helping many people pay for healthcare.
#uhc#luigi mangione#uhc shooting#like i knew american healthcare was FUCKED UP#but i always assumed that like… you guys must have safety nets?#or like bigger safety nets than you seem to have#like a truly sick person wouldn't actually be denied medically necessary care if it was available but they just couldn't pay#but no#apparently that regularly happens#us vs uk#us politics#i know it's super unlikely to happen nationally what with the whole trump thing#but i sincerely hope that recent events at least inspire individual states to move towards a better model of healthcare
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It doesn’t really hit home how much I’ve screwed up at life until I realize I have literally no one I can call without hesitation about [problem]
#don’t talk to any high school friends anymore except for like a once a year text catch up with like 2 of them#don’t really talk to any college friends either even though it’s been less than a year????#and the last time I tried it did not help at all#the only friend I can think of who explicitly said I can call her whenever is really busy rn#and I tried to hash this out with her not too long ago so I don’t just wanna repeat myself#NOT comfy talking to family about this and anyway my brother reported another typical lack of communication skills moment that happened at#home today#hhhhhh#I never felt like I was doing anything wrong in the moment but apparently I am actually really bad at friends and relationships#and it’s not like anything bad has happened with friendships????#when it’s good it’s really good but no object permanence lmao#so anyways#I’m really glad the semester is about to start and I’ll be able to go to adoration and daily mass regularly again#feel like I am going INSANE#p
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doctor: so, how many seizures did you have exactly?
me: maybe four? Six if I’m counting the ones where I wasn’t completely out of control thrashing, just twitchy and couldn’t move or talk.
doctor, squinting slightly: ….. hey just as a question. You zone out a lot?
me: yeah?
doctor: cool cool. You ever lose the ability to move and talk when you zone out? You ever lose the surrounding few days of memory when you zone out? You ever feel a ton of symptoms leading up to like, a five-ten second spot of time you seem to just skip completely?
me: …. Yyyeah?
doctor, scribbling ‘ABSENT SEIZURES’ on her paper and circling it a whole bunch: cool cool very cool very cool let me check something real quick I’ll be right back-
#Yeah no turns out I DIDNT manage to avoid having any seizures in class#I was having them a LOT actually who knew#I knew I was skipping time I just thought it was bc I was being innattentive and rude bc I didn’t want to be there#At the class I wanted to attend at the school I desperately wanted to go to#Truly amazing what wild stories self-distain will concoct for you when you’re actually just sick#POV It was bad enough my friends knew it was happening regularly and just didn’t know wtf it was#Like i apparently Regularly skipped bits of conversation or missed questions#And bc at the beginning of the year I was like “heyyy I disassociate a lot girlies if it happens dw I’ll hear you the second or third time”#They just Didn’t Say Anything bc they thought it was just disassociation like I did
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i explodeded in terraria :(
#i googled it and apparently if i played Regularly it was so so So obvious what was about to happen#but i met a fairy after!!!
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i don't have a continuous/relentless internal monologue in the way people usually describe it but i am always thinking about something
#if i'm not disossiated or just plain zoned out then i'm maladatively daydreaming as an alternative to info dumping#or my brain finds itself subconsciously yet purposefully poking at things that makes me anxious every time i calm down#sometimes ill scroll through hours worth of my dash then realise i wasn't paying attention ot any of that#and i've also now gone and given myself an anxiety attack because of what i was thinking about. great#what's worse is that 9/10 it isn't anything that has any real substance it's some stupid hyperfixation that rules my emotional state#and therefore is also one of the emotional centres of my anxiety. so it's not even like i can express it#at least like ten times a day i think the phrase 'get out of your head'#amd i say 'usually describe it' as in other nd people seem to have a descriptive internal monologue#that keeps up with everything they're doing or at least takes in things from their environment. even other people's stims#directly correlate to things that they hear regularly. mine doesn't work like that mine's like a stream of AUGH it just happened again#i couldn't think of the descriptive word i wanted and turned away from my phone and started thinking about something else#i was thinking about earlier and that ive apparently been continuously formulating while i typed this#(<- wondering why people using the 1.20 “we're not so different. not anymore” sam and john scene as evidence#for their fundamental similarities in their characters and agencies bother me so much. the answer is that once again#people do not pay attention to the progression of sam's character as a line of events relating to and constantly affecting each other#that scene is the recognition of a cathartic breach in a previous fundamental difference and of understanding#rather than a fundamental similarity. there presently is and will continue to be fundamental differences between the circumstances#of mary's death vs jessica's death from the grieving's pov namelyyy their respective relationships with azazel#+ how their ideals of normalcies work alongside the familial ideal)#and even now i cant stop thinking i cant stop i cant stop i cant STOP. i hate these periods of brief hyper-awareness about it#my head breaches the water and im like Hey these waves weren't so loud before. whatever#&
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In my defense. Hehe monkey man go brrrrrr
#I have no idea how this happened because I haven't even known about avid that long compared to some people#I haven't seen any of avid adventures yet!#but apparently I rewatch enough skyblock kingdoms episodes lmao#idea speaks#idea original post#youtube gaming recap#avidmc#I'm also getting into watching streams more and I pop into his twitch chat semi-regularly#what can I say. monkey man does in fact go brrrrrrrr
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I'm going to be so fr I didn't realize nanowrimo was a company/organization thing until this recent AI controversy stuff
#i just thought it was a silly little challenge everyone did <//3#i was actually thinking about giving it a shot this year bc this is the first year in a very long time that ive actually been writing#regularly but i probably wont cause of the ai thing. and apparently there were other fucked up things in the past?#i may still pick a month to write daily but the likelihood of that happening is low#sigh i really need t finish my hawke grief fic...#crow rambles
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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i’m never actually going to talk to my professor about it but can’t she just read my mind and realize i have like the worst case of time blindness in history PLEASE ToT
#i wouldn’t even know how to explain this to someone like i can;t describe something that just isnt there and my sense of time just simply#doesnt exist at all man#i just live in a void and things happen and then suddenly im in deep shit im sorry this literally cannot be fixed#okay okay okayi went insane for a minute im calm now#ouough#in a class where you have to check in regularly and show what you’re doing and i just realized i only was there ONCE#i thought i had SO MANY more weeks omg im sosrry ifdjidjifhfidfh#i thought i had so much more time apparently i have only one more im going to explode#i had no fuckign idea i knew the dates and everything but my brain just dont work plllleeeeeaseeeee ToT#ggrhejehudhducdgucdgcud#throws up#pls pls pls pls#pls i have a disordar
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clip studio just ate tomorrow's update i think it's Floor Time
#the joke is this happens regularly#so i save a whole second file for everything i work on#except i got TOO comfortable apparently and hadn't saved it for this one yet#the auto backups have the script saved at least but it's still just the initial thumbnails lmao#somebody kill me#idk why i bother trying to maintain a buffer every time i start to pull ahead something ALWAYS happens
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#so many posts on here I see and I want to go 'OP either you know an unusually high number of awful people or I know an unusually low number'#but (a) that's not helpful of me to say and (b) I don't know which it is#I do think I know an unusually low number of awful people *well*#like I've been blessed with an excellent family and I'm pretty good at picking friends#but even like casual daily interactions. apparently other people's regularly suck more than mine do#and like. what do I do with this form of privilege??*#I've been told that people tend to calm down around me which is nice I guess and perhaps insulates me from some deranged interactions#I also sometimes don't notice it when people are trying to be rude to me apparently#Believe me if I could bottle and share my 'judgmental weirdos repelling field' that I apparently have I would send you all some#*[it is of course linked with other forms of privilege but like. other highly educated white women still seem to complain of#more offputting interactions than I'm aware of happening to me]#it also occurs to me that this website is maybe not a perfectly unskewed barometer of everyone's daily pleasant or unpleasant interactions#in that one is more likely to come on here to complain than to come on here to rejoice#on average
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they Needd. Need. need to give degenbrecher and ines l2d outfits. please
#i’m so normal#sorry guys. regularly scheduled degenbrecher posting#it will happen again#i’m weak for goat women apparently#arknights#degenbrecher#ines
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Disabled culture is going to see a doctor about a new medical scare and being able to predict exactly what they’re going to suggest, because it’s the exact same thing every doctor tells you for everything
#disabled culture is#ableism tw#medical ableism#like. ma’am. i just had a terrifying experience and am seeking medical help to make sure it doesnt become a regular occurrence#you do not need to treat me like a toddler#‘just eat more and get your bmi to a better range and you’ll be fine :)’ MA’AM#i am aware i weigh about as much as a sopping wet kitten but i am not here about the autoimmune disease causing that#i am here because i fainted hit my head and felt like i was experiencing violet involuntary movement even though i wasn’t#anyway congrats to this doctor for taking two hours to tell me something i learned from talking with potsies like 6 years ago#anyway my shock thoughts are really funny. she pressed on my nails to check for dehydration and my single thought was#‘thats not how they did it on mythbusters >:(‘#fr tho uhhh fainting is super scary and i salute everyone who deals with it regularly#also is it normal to like.#i felt like my head was jerking around and I couldn’t stop it and that lasted for like a full minute after i was aware again#couldn’t talk or move like my arms or anything while it was happening#doctor literally just waved me off when i asked. if anyone has any insight on why i felt like that when my head wasnt moving pls lemme know#also tbh i dont even know if it technically counts as fainting. my eyes were open the whole time apparently#but everything before and after the fall for about a minute is blank#anyway uh! we think im fine! no blood and probably no concussion the only thing with major damage is the wall lol
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also thinkign about how my last therapist wouldnt take anything i said seriously EXCEPT when i mentioned that im tired of being alive at which point she freaked out. and also stopped listening. idk
#tütensuppe#big shrug#im just sick and tired of therapists maybe they can b helpful but not for whatever i have going on apparently#my mom revealing to me that ALL of them diagnosed me with 'difficult child/teenager' just makes me so mad#(except for the last one i think? bc at that point i had an idea of what was happening? not that that made her listen)#like oh heres a 7 year old who self harms regularly. whatever itll pass right?
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#trying not to be hurt over a cosplay mutual blocking me apparently#don’t know what i did and it’s okay#but like we talked regularly have have friends run in the same circles#so like#idk wtf happened cause like in may it was cool#how did i end up getting blocked in a month#tw rant
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checked in on my tama after leaving it for only 2-ish hours and i got the spaceship ending wtfff😭😭😭😭 it was only like 3 years old too i'm so upset
#went on tama reddit and apparently this just sometimes happens with gen 2's???#i did care for it regularly and tried to keep its hearts at at least 2 for both hunger and happiness even tho it wasnt very disciplined...#im sorry i didnt treat you right 😭😭😭😭 i'll be a better father to this next egg i promise 💪🏿
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