#apparently she moved in with a family friend
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meet dylan & sage;
generation 1 of the postcard legacy challenge!
dylan and sage are childhood sweethearts who recently reconnected and moved in together in henford-on-bagley. dylan grew up partly by her grandparents who owned a farm, which motivated her to purchase a little farmhouse with land of her own. she was also known as the "weird kid" in school who relied heavily on her tarot deck to guide her in life, and could apparently communicate with said farm animals, which lead to her being kind of a loner who dreamed of the day she didn't need to rely on interacting with people outside of her family and farm.
sage was one of dylan's only friends who found her closeness with animals and all things magical quite endearing, and the two had a fleeting romance after they both became teenagers, simply drifting apart whenever their school lives and families demanded they move to different parts of the world, but the two would always reconnect through letters and dylan's strange ability to fly get around places at will.
now that they're old enough, they've decided to reunite for one final time and dylan invited sage and his dog rook, to move out to henford with her and her horse firefly.
#ts4#the sims 4#simblr#ts4 gameplay#postcard legacy#postcard legacy challenge#*plc#*plc: g1#*dylan#*sage#sorry for the yapping i'm bad at writing things well#but also like#i don't fully intend on taking a BUNCH of screenshots#bc i'm actually having fun w this challenge#but i'm gonna take screens where i can!!
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some tea about sendoh (from a source close to inoue!!!)
These pertain to Sendoh as he’s who I mainly asked about (due to Sendoh being such a mysterious character throughout the series)
When I asked about why Sendoh loves fishing so much, they revealed that it was because his grandfather had introduced it to him, they would fish together from a young age, and his grandfather would give him life advice while they fish tg. His grandfather passed away shortly after he moved from Tokyo so part of it is so he can honor him in away.
The other reason they gave me is due to Sendoh valuing solitude. While he doesn’t mind being around others, at times he feels he doesn’t belong, and he likes to have a quiet space where it is just him and serene blue waters.
Sendoh has few friends in his life, if any. While he does like his teammates and others around him, he feels he can’t “truly be himself” and has to put up a calm and collected front, even though that is not always him.
HIS FAMILY BACKGROUND: His family is comfortable, but not superrr well off. His father is a businessman while his mother is a stay at home wife. He is able to get his wants and needs without much of an issue, and he’s apparently traveled on vacation abroad with them before too (to Taiwan and SK from what they mentioned!!!). He has a very close relationship with his mother as she supports him in whatever he likes, but not so much with his father. His father is more of a practical and disciplined/strict person, so he never really understood his son’s more carefree and relaxed view on life. As a result, Sendoh had chased his father’s approval in his younger years.
ACCORDING TO THEM, SENDOH HAS NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP 😂😂😂😂. “He’s had his fair bit of attention from girls but he’s never been the type to rush into anything without meaning behind it,”
THIS ONE SURPRISED ME A BIT: He really respects and admires Miyagi, for being able to “let loose” and “be himself”, and still have people admire him. Meanwhile, he feels a pressure to maintain a certain front around others.
#slam dunk#スラムダンク#slam dunk anime#anime and manga#sendoh#akira sendoh#ryonan#shinichi maki#ayako#tea#miyagi ryota#ryota miyagi#hanamichi sakuragi#hanamichi#mitsui hisashi#slam dunk essay#slam dunk movie
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Opening Up | Damian Wayne/Robin & Reader!Magician [Fluff]
Synopsis: Based off of Wayne Family Adventures on Webtoon Ep 23 - 24.
How do you make friends?
The question has been one of the most difficult questions to ask, even as an adult. Vivian often thought about how she made friends as a kid, looking back she remembered she didn't have friends in her childhood since she and her mom often moved from place to place before settling in Liverpool. As a teenager, Vivian would rather avoid that question, she didn't want any of her kids to find out the truth on how she made friends at all.
As an adult, it just clicks. Vivian was an introvert, no one in the family would agree to it but she was, and to prove it Veronica Vreeland was the very example on how much of an introvert Vivian was. Whenever they told the story on how they became friends, Ronie would just say: “I basically adopted her to be my friend. Just like how I adopted Bruce. We extroverts have a tendency to do that.”
So when Bruce told her about the certain issue that's been bothering Damian at school, she wasn't sure how to answer and help him at all. Then here she was, in the living room with Jason, Duke, Steph, and the father and son, in this impromptu family meeting. Well, it was them who barged into the living room where she and Jason were reading — he was reading Austen, and she Dostoyevski.
“My teacher said I should try to make more friends at school. Apparently, the other students find me intimidating,” Damian explained. “Which is absurd.”
“Really, how?” Jason asked, but his tone showed he didn't care at all. He just wanted this over with so they would leave the space. He's made himself comfortable in his spot! And it was his and Vivian's reading time. They rarely have that anymore with him heading off to jobs that take him out of the country.
“How about try finding common interests with people. I mean, what kind of stuff do you like?” Steph started.
“Swords,” Damian answered.
“Maybe something less stabby?” Duke chuckled.
“Or something that would get me and your father in trouble or you in juvi,” Vivian added.
“I've always been intrigued by world domination,” Damian followed up.
Jason snorted.
Vivian pinched him to stop. Scootching closer to Damian she had the boy under her arm and asked, “What about animals?”
“Yes, animals are nice,” Damian petted Titus' head.
“Let's go with that,” said Bruce.
“Is there some pet-loving group in school?” Vivian asked. “Not sure anymore.”
“How about joining a team or club?” Duke offered.
“Tennis,” Damian suggested.
“I didn't know you liked tennis!” Bruce said, but Vivian held her hand up to ease his shock, and she asked Damian, “Why tennis? What happened?”
“Trevor Lawford on the tennis team said something that was insulting about Father and Mom. I have been training to destroy him on the court.”
“Honestly, I respect it,” said Stephanie.
“Let's stay away from the tennis court, alright?” Bruce chuckled.
“But we do appreciate it, sweetheart,” Vivian squeezed him to an embrace. Jason groaned when he heard her call Damian that nickname. It still pisses him off. Damian was far from sweet.
“Jason, do you have any suggestions for Damian?” Bruce turned to the silent one in the room.
“I broke my best friend out of prison,” said Jason.
“Not exactly helpful in this context.”
“Whatever. Why not ask the most extroverted one in this room?” He returned to his book.
“Who?” Duke asked.
“Ma.”
“Seriously?” Vivian glared at him.
Jason smirked, knowing full well about her rebellious teenage years. “Yeah, I mean, compared to all of us you're the one who goes to brunches and shopping with Veronica Vreeland or Lois Lane. You're probably the most extroverted one here.”
“I hate you.”
“You love me.”
“Well?” Damian asked her.
Vivian sighed. “I don't know. Never had childhood friends growing up since I moved from place to place. Then in high school… how I made friends… I don't know, we just cut class, played with the OUIJA board, and hid at the back of campus to smoke po…” she caught herself before she could finish that statement.
Looking at everyone, Duke, Steph, and Jason were snickering, Damian was confused, while Bruce looked at her with wide eyes.
“Smoking what?” Damian asked her with narrow eyes.
“Yeah, Ma, what were you smoking?” Jason teased.
“Candle wax?” Vivian smiled sheepishly. “You all know that I went through that occult, dark magic, and demon hunting phase, right?”
“More than ten years of marriage and there's still things that surprise me,” Bruce said to her. “I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.”
“It is. I mean, that's how we were sure that none of the boys ever brought it in the manor,” Vivian pointed out. “I haven't even touched one since uni.”
“That wasn't legal until 2021,” Stephanie pointed out.
“What was?!” Damian asked them.
“To be continued later,” said Bruce.
“Well, this has been unhelpful,” Damian muttered.
“You're going to be fine, Damian. Just trust your instincts.”
~*~
Vivian was at the faculty office when she received got a call from Damian. Answering it, Damian spoke loudly that had her pulling her phone away: “Mom, I need an extraction!”
Many of her colleagues turned to her with the sudden loud call, and Vivian apologized to them and asked Damian, “From school? Why? Is everything okay, sweety?” She was already packing her things to get to Gotham Academy.
“I think I'm sick.”
Vivian paused with her packing. The good old, ‘I think I'm sick’ bit. “Describe your symptoms.”
“Sweaty palms. Elevated heart rate. Stomach palpitations.”
Vivian sighed. “You're not sick, Damian. You're just nervous.”
“Am not!”
She laughed. “You are.”
“It's your fault for giving terrible advice! What am I going to have in common with people? I was raised by assassins!”
Oh, right. She forgot about that.
“Okay, I'll head over now,” Vivian got up from her seat and got her bag. “I'll just send an email to my students about class being a study session for now. Can you wait for me until I get there?”
Damian was silent for a while before he answered. “Yes… are you disappointed in me?”
“Damian, of course not!” Vivian was already walking down the hall. “You're new to this, and it's okay to be scared. It's also my fault because you've been doing so well with everyone in the manor that I forgot that it's different with people who aren't in that circle. We can do this one step at a time if you want. I'll be there shortly, sweety.”
“What are you going to tell my teachers?” His voice sounded defeated.
“That my son isn't feeling so well today and he need to go home so I could snuggle with him,” Vivian teased.
“I don't need to be coddled.”
“I know, but I like it when we sit in the couch and watch movies. Don't you?”
“I guess… thanks, Mom.”
“No problem, love. Now, head back to class, I'm on my way.”
~*~
Vivian arrived at Gotham Academy almost thirty minutes later with the traffic she faced. Entering the school, she was greeted by one of the staff there who knew her very well — who wouldn't at this point, first Dick, then Jason, then Tim, and now Damian. When they got to Damian's classroom, she asked to see the teacher inside, but just as Damian's teacher was going to head out to meet her, Damian jumped and ran out to her instead.
“I'll talk to her!” Damian said and pushed Vivian elsewhere in the hall. “Abort mission!” He whispered.
“What do you mean?” Vivian asked as soon as they were far from his classroom and listening ears. “Damian, what's wrong?”
“I…I… uh… I met someone and I promised her that I'll meet with her and her club later,” Damian said, with his head bowed down. Not able to look at Vivian at all. She did just leave work to get him out of a situation he wasn't comfortable with. Now he was backing out.
“You made a friend?” Vivian smiled.
“I guess you can say that.”
Vivian sat on the ground with her back against the lockers. The receptionist who brought her there called out that they could offer a chair but Vivian waved them off and asked to give them some privacy for a minute.
“So, what's this club?” Vivian asked Damian.
Damian followed her lead and sat on the ground but this time in front of her. “Art. It's the art club. She saw my sketches earlier and invited me to see the club.”
“Are you going to join?”
Damian shrugged.
“Good job, sweetheart,” Vivian messed with his hair. “I'm so proud of you.”
Damian looked up at her and asked, “You're not mad that I made you leave work?”
“Of course, not! My son needed me. You will always come first, alright?”
“Thanks, Mom,” Damian smiled.
“Okay, you better head back to class. And I’ll probably head to your Father and annoy him for the remainder of the day,” Vivian got up and pulled Damian to his feet. “Should I tell Alfred to pick you up a little later?”
“Grayson is picking me up… I already told him.”
“Okay… do you want me to walk you back or will it ruin your cool reputation if I did?”
“You can walk me back.”
“No two steps behind?”
“Why?”
Vivian shrugged. “Dick always make me walk two steps behind.”
“Grayson's an idiot.”
“Let's go.”
Walking Damian back to his classroom, Vivian explained to his teacher that it was just an false alarm she got from him. After he was settled, Vivian waved goodbye to Damian and left his school.
~*~
“Tell me again why we're going to the mall at this hour?” Bruce asked his wife as he drove the car. She arrived at Wayne Enterprise and asked if he was busy. When he said he had his meetings moved at a later date, she told him to pack his things and that they needed to get supplies now.
“Damian made a friend,” she told him.
“I don't understand how that connects to all this. But I'm happy that he did… this friend, though… is it mutual or a hostage-situation?”
“Mutual. In fact she invited him to see her club.”
“Oh, that's nice to hear. What club is it?”
“Art club. Did you know that your son likes to draw?”
“No, I didn't.”
“Nor did I. I was thinking of getting him some supplies, he did a good job today and I just want to congratulate him.”
Bruce smiled. Reaching out, he held her hand and squeezed it. “You're spoiling him.”
“I just want to give him a normal childhood. Or at least let him have a taste of a normal childhood… I forgot that he was raised by assassins and that everything about normalcy isn't exactly normal to him. I felt bad that I didn't take him seriously when he asked for help about making friends. With Dick, Jason, and Tim they knew how to do all of that, with Damian it's the complete opposite.”
“I know… but we're only getting him art supplies, not an OUIJA board or that thing you smoked,” Bruce teased.
“Of course!” Vivian stuck her tongue out at him. “I already have an OUIJA board in the attic anyway.”
“Viv.”
“It'll be a good game for when he hosts sleepovers!”
“I doubt Damian would do such a thing.”
“Oh, at least let him take a night off as Robin!”
“Tell him that.”
#batman#batman x reader#dc fanfic#fanfic#batman fanfiction#damian wayne#wayne family adventures#batfam x reader#batmom
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Cherry|R. Cameron
Summary: There’s a new European girl on the island.
warnings!: black!reader X rafe cameron, cursing, reader has an accent, reader’s first time in the states
“Kids!”
The Cameron’s hear their dad’s voice echo through their large house as they get ready for an important event.
The three children make their way to the main room.
“Yeah?” Sarah speaks as Wheezie, her younger sister, and Rafe, her older brother, follow behind her.
“Our neighbors have a guest” Rose says “Ok? What’s that gotta do with me?” Rafe scoffs
She ignores his attitude.
“It’s their niece and she’s new to the island, so be nice” Rose warns “That’s it? Why would we be rude” Sarah chuckles “The message was more so for Rafe” Ward sighs
The families make it to said important event which was held annually, as Sarah broke off to go find her friends (friends that Rafe and most kooks hated) and Wheezie stayed glued to their father’s hip, Rafe went to find his two best friends.
On his short journey across the nicely decorated ball room he ran into a rather small figure.
“Ow! What the hell!” Rafe backed up to make sure his suit was untouched with stains and other debris
The person, which he noticed was a short girl, did not speak.
Rafe thought she was cute—her chocolate skin, big curly hair that fit her perfectly , the white thigh length dress she chose to wear which was sort of asymmetrical towards the end and had a low cut at her chest, and her white kitten heels matched perfectly.
“What? Can’t speak?” Rafe bitterly said
The girl began to stutter “Je suis désolé!” The girl frantically apologizes with her French accent that reminded Rafe a lot of Lily-Rose Depp
“What?” He pondered “Is that what sorry means? Listen I don’t have time for your bullshit” He sounds fed up and begins walking away “Wait!” The mystery girl with the French accent reached for his bicep, which did not fail to stop Rafe in his tracks
“I’m new! My name is y/n DuPont, I moved here from France” She explains “I just didn’t know the English word to apologize to you! I’m mostly fluent!” She frantically explained as though she was frightened of Rafe
“I’m not gonna kill you, I’m Rafe” Rafe assured her “Right?” She gave a confused nod “So France hun?” He sniffled as she nodded
“Like Mon Cherry and shit like that” Rafe sat at the nearest chair “Mon chérie? It means darling” She corrected “Ok, Cherry” Rafe sighs “Chérie” she corrects his butchered pronunciation “I like Cherry better” he smirks before rising from his chair and returning to his mini quest to find his friends
Towards the end of the night the families are all preparing to leave.
“Kids!” The Cameron children hear their father call for them and they appear one by one
“This is Mr. and Mrs. DuPont’s guest, their niece, y/n” Ward introduces “Cherry? You’re the DuPont’s niece?” Rafe asked with a dazed look to which she nods “You two met?” Wheezie asks “Apparently, and he gave her a nickname” Sarah gags “I’m Sarah! We should hang out sometime” The kind blonde offered
“Sure!” Y/n’s accented voice happily accepted the invitation “yeah totally! Let’s hang” Rafe nodded “that didn’t include you” Sarah scoffed at her older brother’s advances and began to leave with Wheezie following
“I’d love to “hang” Rafe” Y/n giggles
Rafe liked that he could make her giggle. He liked it a lot.
“Really, Cherry” Rafe smirked as she nodded “good girl” he accepts
Y/n giggles and makes her escape to her uncles car “Cherry” I whispers her new nickname
#SoundCloud#rafe obx#rafe cameron#obx#black!reader#black!fem!reader#french#drew starkey#rafe x reader
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Do I wanna know who Martha is?
asdafsdgkj jim chapman and tanya burr's old weiner dog that mysteriously disappeared when they divorced and fans started asking about her so much that they both blacklisted the words martha and dog so people started commenting 'wheres the hound' and it became an internet meme
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this is mental illness.
#i agree that mbb’s parents are weird when it comes to her image but i doubt the whole marriage is forced#and i also doubt jake is awful and possessive lmao he may not have his own money but his dad is worth a LOT more than millie#so marrying ~up doesn’t work in that case. that’d be millie marrying up but she’s not#and yeah the PR is excessive but that’s the brown family. greedy fuckers. not sure about the bongivios bc idk them well enough#but also. maybe it’s what millie wants? maybe? remember when emma watson cut her hair after she wrapped the final HP film? it’s like that#but on an extreme level. millie is transitioning into adulthood and she wants to shed her 11 image even though she loves the character#but she is ready to move on. pls give her some credit. this isn’t another britney situation (and i rly hope it’s not) but c’mon#also ofc noah is the chopped liver. he was there for her 18th and possibly will attend the wedding. funnily enough if anything goes wrong;#they will blame noah for being a shitty friend and enabler 🙄 and the cast were right the whole time for disliking jake. apparently#all this simping for finn is cringe btw. he is finn NOT MIKE and not even mike is like that 💀 y’all are stuck in your mlvn fantasy that you#have projected the ship onto finn and millie ffs. have a word with yourself
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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She's not stupid - sometimes she feels like people want to think she is, and even sometimes she buys a bit too hard into her own self-deprecation, but she's spent hours of time over the past six months or more staring at bite marks in the mirror, hiding them from friends and family, and wondering what they were from. Hours out of every day spent rationalizing them away as bruises, of suspecting something - gaps in her memory, memories that don't mesh with others. Of looking at every new face twice, of questioning everybody around her, wondering if she's going insane, knowing she's going insane because what the fuck do you mean, Autumn, that you think you're being haunted by a fucking Vampire?
She's thinking about how she's stopped going to see her therapist because she doesn't know how to convey her fears about this without sounding certifiable. Her eyes search over Aria in the shower, for a really long time; they're both clean, but are they? Will they really ever be? Autumn feels nails digging into her palms and just how stupid she feels versus how vile it is that this is something she's only earning honesty for now. Those nails are digging in, shaking in a fist that she's keeping tucked under her arm, because the waters off and she's getting cold and there's a part of her that wants to scream and shout. The anger snaps her out of this half-catatonia she's been dancing around - suddenly its all questions - she wonders how vampires work - can Aria hear her heart the way Autumn feels it in her ears? She wants to strike out at her, to push her away and run away, but to where? Home? Her empty apartment? Her mother? She doesn't actually want that - Aria's been drinking her blood and making her forget and still she can't stop thinking about how she wants Aria, and Aria is a... this.
Autumn's eyes screw shut and she stands there while the world moves around her - paralyzed by inaction because action is terrifying. There's another sob, an ugly, goofy sounding thing that transforms into a laugh and then back into a sob. Her eyes search to the side, to find Aria from under the towel. "I'm not gonna ask you to tell me why you didn't tell me." She turns to Aria, steps out of the shower, and the towel half-slides off because dignity right now is an afterthought. "I feel insane that this fucking makes sense to me, I feel even more insane that I'm less terrified than I am angry and I feel even fucking crazier that I'm less angry than I am ..." She brings her hands up, fingers curled and shaking, like she's trying to form a word out of imaginary clay, face bunching up in frustration. "I don't know, I feel, what , do I fucking just throw us away because... this is a fucking thing apparently? Act like... what, that I'm afraid of you? Is it fucked up I'm not? I can't even convince myself to be mad at you". Maybe that's part of it - maybe the same reason she doesn't ever remember Aria's teeth in her neck or her shoulder. Her face stones out and she stares down at her feet, at her hands. Pieces of her Aria just scrubbed free of filth and bloody grime. Is she supposed to be terrified of that? Is she broken if she isn't? Bloody fucking rain in a night club, fingers grabbing at her, eyes on her like meat - terror, she'll be thinking about it for who knows how long - but not the way she thinks about Aria.
Autumn's fingertips explore her face, and she can't help the little incredulous laugh as she pulls up her lip to get a better look at one of the fangs. But then she jerks back almost immediately. The first question on her lips isn't really a question at all, but Aria nods all the same.
Her eyes follow the movement, to the spots where she'd bitten Autumn before - the bookstore, the bowling alley. The mark on the meat of her hand is gone, which is a relief. Swallowing, she bites into her lower lip.
"Since - a few months before we met.." She chews on her lip some more. "January. I was turned in January." Wintry, cold on the beach and an alley way later - and here she is, wondering why she couldn't be taken under someone's wing and not left to fend on her own.
Regret is plastered all over her face as she looks down at the scars. "I know this is -- I know it's a lot. I wanted to take you there to tell you about me, show you the world, but I didn't - I didn't think -" She shakes her eyes, tears pricking at the corners of them, as the water beats down around them.
The blood is practically gone down the drain now and her pathetic tears make her realize they shouldn't be having most of this conversation in the shower.
She goes through the motions - turns the shower off, grabs one of the towels and wraps it around Autumn first before grabbing her own. "I'm so sorry."
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Love when fundamentalist christians call other fundamentalist christians a cult like I can accept telling children they'll go to hell if they don't hug the parent that spanked them and smile, but I draw the line at suggesting barcodes contain the mark of the beast
#they built a new hobby lobby in my hometown#so I told my family about how I don't mess with hobby lobby and they were like ??? why???#so I told them and they were like 😶#my grandparents are pentecostal apparently#my dad is just vibing tbh#he's even anti-quiverfull#which makes sense he was the oldest of 6 and got Heavily Parentified#he also accepts me as trans#we stan one (1) [Last Name] man in this household#that's a joke for friends of mine that follow me here#n e ways it's so wild talking to my dad and him agreeing the duggars and hobby lobby and all them are in a cult#cause his own dad told me I was too tall and unfeminine to get married#so he saw that shit and shut it down real quick#and even started working on himself and moving away from that mindset#my aunt still complains about my masculinity but I legit don't talk to her if I can avoid it#but she also told me to eat oatmeal to fix my heat-related high blood pressure so#(can't believe she has a medical degree)#my family will call catholics and JWs cults but turn around and say the cultiest shit#it's wild#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse tw
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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Oh MIL is something else today
#apparently she asked my husband about us moving and if we're going to move all three of us (basically asked my husband if were leaving her)#and it's like no????? you're the one putting the deposit down on a place???#like my MIL is codependent on my husband to the nth degree but we also genuinely can't afford to move without her#and she can't afford to live without us#so we're moving as a family#that's been established since we first talked about getting a place together as a family#but i guess she has it in her head that we don't want to move with her bc we keep 'shooting down her ideas'#and we're just like all we said was we didn't want to live in the same condo complex as my husbands horrible ex friend?????#it's just freaking ridiculous all around#but anyways she wanted to have this convo with my husband again after he had worked a 12+ hour day and he said no he didn't have the energy#and she got defensive about THAT like we're somehow gonna be the ones responsible if we accidentally got locked in another year o the lease#no mom you just really suck at picking places to live#she's thinking short term bc she just wants to get tf out of here (fine; same) and Kaiden and i are thinking about starting a family#we also want a theoretical space for Silas so they don't have to go back to my parents house ever again#but i digress yet again#sigh
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Not to be a jingfu on main, but it's so cute that Jing Yuan thought of Fu Xuan with those jelly beans
#me: the Xianzhou characters are all just coworkers#also me whenever anyone is shown to be fond and have intimate knowledge of some other character: awwww#Like Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan playing starchess and teasing each other or making a reference to things they like#or Jing Yuan talking about young Yukong#Quingque apparently disliking Fu Xuan but obviously that not being the case‚ knowing what she likes and how she thinks#Fu Xuan hiding that she has a sweet tooth but Jing Yuan and Quingque knowing it and teasing her for it#I don't know. There are a lot of instances of these small intimate details in the middle of what looks like a coworker relationship#Good coworkers‚ but coworkers nonetheless#And ironically it moves me so much? Even more so than Belobog. I've been told several times that Belobog seemed more tight. And I agree#In Belobog people were friends or family or companions but linked by something closer than mere coworkers with Wildfire#Even Sampo in the Underworld was strangely 'theirs'. He had the magenta colour of Wildfire and he was trusted to some extent#The Luofu characters don't have that. And yet the fragments of intimacy scattered through their interactions move me a lot#These are people who have known each other for centuries. Jing Yuan knows of Yukong's youth‚ its joy and grief#He knows Fu Xuan has a sweet tooth and teases her about her height. Quingque does too#Fu Xuan chastises both of them for being lazy but she knows they're smart and good at their job. She plays starchess with Jing Yuan#Quingque mocks Fu Xuan for being a workaholic but is very aware of the weight she carries both in her position and ideas about destiny#I won't mention Yanqing and Bailu because there is obviously more than a coworker bound when it comes to them#But yes I love the moments of intimate knowledge scattered through the Xianzhou‚ so telling of the fact that these people have known#each other for longer than several human lifetimes‚ and that perhaps they don't necessarily regard each other as more than their coworker#But perhaps that's enough in order for them to care. Perhaps in a lifetime over one thousand years the intimacy gained with a coworker#through several centuries is something beyond what we could understand in our decades lifespan#But also‚ perhaps‚ I don't know. Also‚ perhaps‚ the do care beyond coworkers in that strange line between work and friendship#Perhaps it's strange for Xianzhou natives to tell apart that kind of relationship after so much intimacy and knowledge through the years#And perhaps‚ once again‚ as it often happens for them‚ they think they'll always have enough time to tell; until they run out of it#They play chess together. Quingque can lose time because Fu Xuan can't stay mad if she brings her sweets. Are they just coworkers?#We play chess. I know what tea and sweets you like best. I brought them today since you would indulge me and play starchess with me#Thanks for playing with me‚ I'm running out of book puzzles. You keep divining my moves but I'll invent a fake story to distract you#Are we coworkers or something more like friends? Where is the line after so many years?#I talk too much but I love this charged nothingness haha I find it ironically so true to how many relationships in real life develop#And I find it so moving‚ that representation of this endearing smallness of everyday life. Of these small things is life made
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I dreamt of my former best friend today and woke up crying. She froze me out of her life 2 years ago and I still don't understand why. I can take emotional distance from anything else yet this creeps up on me once in a while to ruin my day.
#idk man I'm just feeling sad and lonely#like i didn't even do anything like wallowing while awake this time i just woke up with my brain being like#Yeah wasn't it nice when you still hung out with someone you basically wanted to platonically marry? Sucks that doesn't happen anymore huh.#Like Yeah does is actually? fuck you too?#i mean there's still our other friend who's been studying abroad for a few years. she should be back for good this summer#but her family moved across the country in the main time so she's not even near me#and it was always the three of us against the world. it feels like something broke there with her too. that's unfair to her ik#but i used to base part of my mental health on the solid base knowledge that my friends loved me and that pillar crumbled under my feet#like i think she loves me. but do i know? i thought so but apparently sometimes people you love *do* just get tired of you and leave#like huh who knew. seems my social distrust was right all along!#like there's no trust there anymore and i can't mister up the same strong feelings even if she *literally didn't do anything*#it's genuinely not her fault and I'd never tell her that either#it's just... every time i think about this for a moment i understand how people must feel when their partner of a decade cheats on them#it just fundamentally changes your ability to depend on other people and it isn't fair to anyone involved
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The way that I would love to write about these two in a fanwork? I would love to ramble about them whenever given the chance! 👀
*Casually inserts some vintage World War II-era romance between Muriel and Eustace in the tags*
I recently watched some Courage which inspired me to doodle young versions of Eustace and Muriel. Probably in their 20's or something.
#reblog#courage the cowardly dog#muriel bagge#eustace bagge#cartoon network#reblogging because this has been on my mind for a little bit#i like to think that eustace was a world war ii veteran who had a rough childhood initially#eustace apparently joined with the friends he did have in order to manifest a sense of self purpose#eustace grew up not having much also#eustace felt immense jealousy after having his family prefer his older brother over him#and that jealousy was carried with him into adulthood#fast forward after the events of wwii#muriel’s working at a small cozy cafe where she is trying to make ends meet#eustace sees muriel upset probably because of war related circumstances or she had lost someone close#muriel takes note of eustace trying to provide company in some way and she is everso greatful#eustace tells muriel about the war and what all he had been through with losing his childhood friends who enlisted with him together#muriel tells him about the things she had been through while struggling to make ends meet with cooking and running her cafe#the two talk for a bit and muriel takes the first move with romance involved#eustace is reluctant but would do anything for muriel as a result of her being the only one who was and still is kind to him#in short: eustace had been through a lot with family issues and grievances#muriel is there to help him#muriel also does not have a mean bone in her body so she is willing to treat anyone with the warmth and hospitality she had given eustace#i love these two sm#i really like the fan work made for them btw! i wish there was more lol#oops i rambled again#josh.txt
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tw- mentions of animal death (dog, cat) and death of a member of my extended family
#I feel like I am surrounded with death and it’s sort of overwhelming just because of how much in the past few days#like unrelated to world events#first my friend’s dog died while I was staying at their house for break (on the last day we were there)#then I get back from break and finish unpacking (so the day after their dog died) and I get a call from my mom saying#my great aunt Susan has died and that there probably won’t be a ceremony/funeral but that in a couple weeks there’ll be a family gathering#at a restaurant to share stories about her life (as is our tradition but usually we also do a burial and funeral)#and today I get an email from my Black English and Voice professor saying that tomorrow’s class is going to be over zoom because her cat#(who we knew wasn’t doing so well and was older) has died/is going to be put down very soon#I met this dog twice (but for extended periods of time both times- I was staying over)#and while he was very stinky he was also very sweet and somehow happy despite having multiple tumors and different kinds of cancers#and having to have an eye removed and I think a bunch of other health issues#still a very happy and cuddly dog! also built like a brick. I think people could tell that his time was coming#my friend actually said a few days before he died that he wasn’t allowed to die while they were there#(they didn’t want to have to deal with everyone around them being sad which is understandable)#and their mom responded that ‘I don’t think Louie will die before Saturday’ but he did. he died on Friday#apparently my great aunt Susan was moved into hospice care a week ago and my mom just didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to ruin break#but also that means that being told she died hit really hard and unexpectedly#I didn’t know her all that well but she’s family#she’s family that I care about regardless of how close I was to her#and anyway by the end she didn’t want to see many people anyway#at the end of the school year last year I went to visit her in the hospital while I was in new york for my great aunt June’s funeral#(she’s actually a cousin of some sort but I’ve always called her great aunt June)#and she was willing to see my mom but was too tired to see anyone else so I never actually saw her then#and now she’s gone#that was a late night call that I got yesterday#and today is the email about my professor’s cat Tea Cake#I know my professor. I don’t know her cat. but it’s still another death that I don’t have many degrees of separation from#my professor would talk about her cat before class started sometimes so it’s also not this abstract entity. it’s one I know about#it’s just. a lot?#and it doesn’t feel like it should be as overwhelming as it is
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#im still looking for a job#i got offered an interview for one but they were weirdly pushy about how soon they wanted to do the interview#and their part time pay is 13/hr and part time hours is under 30/week#which is kinda ridiculous to me. the ad said 15/hr but thats apparently just for full time but i dont like that full time starts at 30#anyway. there were just a few things off about it and i didn't feel like i had time to prepare#and i am cautious of companies being super desperate to hire#so i pretty much decided i wasn't gonna do it#and i told my mom#and she was like well 13/hr is better than nothing#and i said yeah but im trying to make real adult money. im trying to move out within a year. i can't do that on 13/hr#and she went well maybe im crazy that im happy with my 15/hr job#and im like. literally thats what im asking for is 15/hr. also. my father works too her job is not supporting the family or even herself#and she thinks im dramatic about how hard and expensive it is to get a house#i think shes stuck in the 90s. bc shes only bought a house once and it was in the 90s.#and it was under 100k#we live in a very expensive area and i realized a while ago that its just not possible for me to move out on my own around here#which she thinks is dramatic#and even still like. my goal is to move somewhere else (cheaper) and live rent free with my friends for a bit first#but i still need the money to get there and get my stuff there and be able to pay for my phone and car and everything#it's a lot!! and i dont wanna get myself in a bad situation just bc i want some amount of money#i said id rather find out later that i was being pessimistic than be naive now and screw myself#bc thats what she thinks it is she thinks im just too negative about it#well. i think shes extremely naive about it.#its frustrating#bc now im worrying i made the wrong choice about the interview (and i know doing an interview doesn't mean i would get or take the job but.#still. its was super rushed and i dont think id take it anyway. i just got bad vibes.)#but now im all worried about it and im like omg im never gonna find a job ever at all
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