#apparently i made this in july and just forgot about it lmao

[sophsun1]

Justin Taylor + FCUK T-Shirts

[menlove]

i’m new to the whole beatles rpf (i am an rpf veteran though i wrote 75k words of michael jackson fanfiction in middle school and 15k of queen freshman year of hs 😐) so what are like the tenets of beatles rpf. what’s the need to know.

YELLS that's so fucking valid of you I can't even lie

and HMMMM okay I can only speak for mclennon bc I observe the other ships from a distance but don't chomp at the bit about it but here's some things that come up A Lot in fics

john & paul met on july 6, 1957 at a church garden party. john played "come go with me" & got the words wrong while paul watched from the audience and Fell In Love. after, they officially met. paul took john's guitar, tuned it, then flipped it upside down (he's left handed) and played 20 flight rock perfectly. john was smitten and the rest was history

oh shit edit I forgot! john used to climb the drainpipe into pauls room. VITAL info that comes up so often

they had group wanking sessions (beat the meatles lmfao) & they'd call out the names of various female celebrities during it (john would apparently call out male names as a joke to throw people off which 💀)

STUUUUUU. we love stu, paul hates stu. stuart sutcliffe was a boy john met at art college & he became His Boy Bestie instead of paul for a while which had paul FUMING. john & stuart lived together for a while & in mclennon lore john was in love with him (& I do also think that lmao). which brings us to

HAMBURG. in 1960 the beatles went to hamburg & stayed several months in the world's dingiest room. they shared bunk beds & stayed up all night playing music & took pills (prellies) to stay the fuck awake. stuart went with as their bassist & paul hated him soooo bad so bad. in part bc stu did not take the band very seriously & was not good at playing and paul is a notorious perfectionist. fun hamburg facts! here stuart met astrid, his future fiance. and she took them to a gay bar lmao. also, at one point, in the most heinous and toxic move, john walked in on paul fucking a girl and lost it. he cut up her clothes with a pair of scissors and then started stabbing the wardrobe 💀 normal behavior. the whole thing was just drugs and sex and music. great fic setting always.

eventually they got back. george was deported first bc he was underage & then paul and the drummer lit a fucking condom on fire where they were staying and got deported too. john stayed an extra bit & when he got back didn't tell anyone. in the meantime, stu stayed in germany w astrid and paul Got A Job at his dad's insistence bc they all thought the band was over when john didn't show back up. but eventually he did. and made paul pick between the job and the band...... or rather, his dad and john. and paul picked john.

Some Months Later john took paul to paris for his 21st birthday. 200000000000 fics about this. all legendary all gay.

stu died </3

there's barely any fics of the touring days which is tragic I think there should be 60000. I guess the only thing that comes up semi often from that era is that they played lovers in a play, pyramus & thisbe, and paul named two kittens pyramus & thisbe. and gave pyramus (the character he played) to john. not joking at all.

next biggest Canon McLennon Event everyone brings up is lsd. george & john got into lsd first & ringo tried it as well. paul was extremely reluctant to and this caused a bit of a rift between him and john. eventually though, they did trip together and the first night is McLennon Fic Lore. john accidentally dropped acid in the studio (smth he avoided) & was out of it. almost jumped off the roof. paul took him back to his home (cavendish) & took lsd with him. there's a lot to this trip I can't even summarize but it was gay and there's lots of fics abt this incident

was Not the first time paul took lsd though which brings us to the Next Big Tropey Players: tara browne and robert fraser. both are men paul hung around in 1967 and there's looots of fics where he was gay w them and john is Seething

india! I'm not an india truther so I don't really get into these but the fandom at large thinks Something Happened during the beatles' 1968 trip to india. this usually takes the form of john confessing to paul and them fucking and then paul turning him down. background lore for many many breakup fics

and that's the stuff that tends to come up Most Often. there's so much lore I could probably write an entire novel & a lot of it gets referenced but these are some of the biggest players lmao

[kuiinncedes]

I'd like to hear you gush about your au 👀

my jatp au???? the way i literally just wrote/discarded a post saying that i wanted to either talk about it or post it lksdhgsldg so thank you for this ask lmao 🥰💞

ahhh idk what i can say without like giving away too much which really isn't important but apparently it is to me for no reason lol 🤪

kurt is julie, mercedes is flynn, blaine is luke, sam is reggie, tina is alex, artie is bobby (which is a little weird bc of carrie but it works lmao), quinn is carrie (y'all know i still wanna do quinntina 👀 if i get there..... ), burt is ray, finn is nick ,,, i think that's all the characters i have down (i tentatively have jake as willie as like a platonic jaketina thing but idk how that will work haha)

blamtina honestly fits sunset curve so well imo ,,,,, it's so good lmao (not my writing just ,, the idea 😂 someone else could do it better klsghjfdj)

also this is my favorite note i have on this document from just like general "brainstorming" lol

samcedes lowkey 👀 cedes is like king don’t fall in love with a ghost etc and kurt is like HA look who's talkinggg and then they gossip about their cute ghosts and tina who they’re both platonically in love with bc it’s tina

also here's another small snippet if anyone's interested bc i can't help myself lmao 😝

They all look… alive, Kurt thinks, despite literally being dead -- relaxed and loose and faces lit up, the energy flowing through them almost visible. If he didn’t know they were ghosts, he’d expect to be able to reach out and feel them, lungs working hard from the exertion and adrenaline, skin warm and slightly sweaty, hearts beating strong like the steady percussion of their band.

It reminds him of how music used to make him feel.

“Cut it out!” Kurt snaps, trying not to raise his voice too much. “The whole neighborhood could hear you! I thought I told you to leave!”

Blaine looks back at his bandmates, bewildered. “People -- people can hear us play?”

“Yes!” Kurt says exasperatedly. “My dad heard you from inside!”

“… What did he think?” Blaine asks after a moment. Kurt opens his mouth for an exasperated response --

“Everything okay in here?”

Kurt whips around to see his dad in the doorway. “Yeah! I just -- had to turn off the CD player.”

Burt’s attention is elsewhere, though, seemingly forgetting about the chaos from just a moment earlier. “Wait, is this the junk that was in the loft?” he says, excitedly eyeing the instruments and… the ghosts that he can’t see.

“Junk?” Blaine exclaims.

They all watch apprehensively as Burt weaves through the instruments, even going so far as to rattle Tina’s cymbals and tap the drums, much to her horror. She fixes Kurt with wide, urgent eyes, to which Kurt just shrugs and gives her a helpless look. Yeah, Dad, actually, the ghost drummer wants you to stop, so…

(dialogue mostly taken from jatp :))

[sylvie-writes]

Bad (3): Memories We Used to Share

First inspired by this song ➳ Bad by Lennon Stella

(Ransom Drysdale x wife reader)

Summary:��It’s time to move out! 6 months of getting your life sorted, along with a few surprises, some pleasant, others not so much.

A/n: My search history is looking weird, due to this series haha. I’ve been reading multiple articles about uncontested divorce just to get an understanding for this series lmao. 

Disclaimer: Just so you know, I’m not a law school graduate, so I can’t say I really know what in the hell I am talking about. With that being said, if I screw up the divorce process in this chapter and/or the next, please don’t come at me. Our law system is confusing and I’m just here to write, no one said it would be accurate lol. 

Warnings: mild profanity & your typical cheesy, predictable fanfic by yours truly. 

Shoutout: MANY THANKS TO THE ANON WHO GAVE ME SOME IDEAS TO MAKE THIS A SERIES!

As always, plz pardon any mistakes, the stories are always proofread but I tend to make many mistakes regardless.

Series Masterlist

For six months, you worked to get your life back together. 

By the end of April, a week after you yelled at your (ex) husband, you had successfully packed up your stuff, without being bothered by the man. Ever since the night you had confronted him, the two of you never stood in the same room or even looked the other in the eye. So it worked in your favor today that he was busy with his new flame, probably entertaining her with a trip to Prada. Never once did you take a break, for eight straight hours, you spent one whole Saturday organizing and strategically packing your things away. Around eight o’clock, all of the boxes were stacked by the front door, ready to be moved into the U-haul trailer attached to your car. Lucky for you, Ransom could care less about what was his and what was yours. The dog, also going home with you. In truth, ever since that day you rightfully ripped the man for his mistakes, a black cloud has loomed over his head, no matter what he may be on the outside, he’s broken on the inside. 

One more box was left in the bedroom, and you quickly jogged up the stairs to get it. Unbeknownst to you, as you were upstairs, Ransom and Blair had come home, apparently mindless to your car in the driveway, because when you walked down the stair box in hand the two pulled away from each other’s lips, staring at you.

You had made an agreement with Ransom that he’d not show up while you packed your things. He had done a good job so far, up until now that is. “Oh, (y/n), I didn’t think you’d be here this late. You should get some rest.”

His “concern” disgusted you. Now he decides to care about you? I think not.

Filled with rage, you drop the cardboard box, letting the contents inside shatter. In most divorces, there wouldn’t be this much emotion, but it hurt you beyond words can describe, to see this man that you loved with every inch of your body, kissing another woman, in YOUR house. You could even see yourself in her shoes, because damn, once upon a time, you WERE her. 

“Are you okay!” Blair came rushing to your side, to try and move you out of the shattered glass. She seemed like a genuinely nice person, and had she not been a home-wrecker, you’d want to be her friend. But at this moment, all you could think about was that she wasn’t even bothered by the fact that she’d been seeing a married man. So, just as Blair tried to help you, you pushed away her hands and collapsed on the steps, lightly sitting in the glass, yet numb to the pain. The weight of the world had finally, physically pushed you to the ground. You were at wits end, and things were looking pretty dark. At this point, you couldn’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel. What had you done to deserve this and would there be a second chance for you? 

Just then, Ransom came to remove Blair, telling her to go get ready for bed, the two clearly coming from a night of clubbing. As she ran up the stairs, mindful of the glass, Ransom came to pick you up. Grabbing your arms, you laid limp against his chest, willingly letting him carry you down the stairs. Oh how you missed his caring touch, why couldn’t things be different? It should've been you out dancing with him, you lip locked with him. Instead, here you were, letting the man who single-handedly destroy your life, carrying you to the couch, laying a blanket and a long kiss on your cheek. Consumed with emotions, sleep soon took over your body before you could protest and leave the house. Had you only heard Ransom’s apology.

“I’m so sorry my precious (y/n), it shouldn’t have been this way, my love.” A few stray tears rolled down Ransom’s cheek as he sadly sauntered up the stairs. 

Ironic, how in a house that was once yours, a new woman took your spot in the bed, besides your once husband, while you slept on the couch like a toy banned to the isle of misfits. 

The next morning, you woke up to the smell of coffee and giggles. You were angry at yourself, no doubt, how could you be so vulnerable by staying at the house? Before you could think anymore, you walked to get your keys, finding that Blair was in the kitchen, cooking pancakes for Ransom, who sat at the kitchen table with coffee and the newspaper. You kinda screwed yourself, by leaving your car keys on the kitchen table. It was your only escape and unfortunately it meant interacting with dumb and dumber. 

The two once again forgot you were there, shocked to see your form walking through the doorway. With a fake smile, you grumbled out a few choice words.

“Don’t worry, I’m getting out of your house ya lovebirds!”

Victory at last. Your words stung Ransom, well, rather word. In another time, you’d say our house, but now, it was no longer the Drysdales’ Household, no, it was Drysdale’s Household, hence why you reminded Ransom that he was alone. Sure, Blair was there but you both knew it wouldn’t last. 

That day, when Ransom and Blair had once again left, going god knows where, Ransom texted you that you could pack your boxes into the u-haul trailer. Since you just wanted to haul ass out of the place this morning, you left the trailer and boxes behind, making a beeline to the nearest bar. So far you had handled yourself without alcohol, but now you needed some relief, specifically in a few whiskey sours. Around 3pm, Ransom then sent that text, and you sobered up, gracefully throwing up in the bathroom stall, then driving to the house to officially get out of his life. Even with a major headache, you managed to pack the trailer. It was then that you realized you were destined to function alone, you didn’t need Ransom. Screw him. 

In May, you went around town, scanning different apartments finally finding one. Unfortunately, there was a waitlist with three people in front of you, the estimated move in time being late July or August. With that being said, you moved all your things into a storage unit and continued to live in a hotel room. Thank the heavens you kept your job, despite Ransom’s pleas for you to stay home when you were married. Somehow, you were able to juggle working and functioning around others, coming home to be your true self, the night normally ending with takeout and tv. This divorce had truly ruined your life, and Ransom’s. The two of you constantly lived with the rain cloud, never once catching a break and seeing a rainbow overhead. For now, you were just separated and soon you’d file for divorce.

Around the last week of May, your life was turned upside down once again. This time, for a good reason. 

Currently, you were on lunch break, eating at a nearby diner with your closest work friend, Lorraine Bailey. She really has been your best friend, taking the title that used to belong to Ransom. At least she was loyal, understanding, and wasn’t a backstabbing bitch *ahem* your ex.

“How are you holding up, honey?”

You were too busy staring into the nothingness of your chicken sandwich, that when Lorainne gently shook your resting hand, you let out an incoherent “huh?”

“I was asking how you are doing? With everything that’s been going on in the past few months--”

Before she could answer, you just snapped, quickly yelling at the woman, who wasn’t trying to be nosy, she was genuinely concerned. 

“Could you just stop nosing around? It’s none of your business really!” 

At that, Lorraine leaned back in her seat, lowering her head like a scolded child. Honestly, you didn’t mean what you had just said and you had no clue where it came from. Lately, your mouth has been an unreliable thing, for you could barely control your answers without acting like a moody child.

Quickly, you excused yourself, lightly jogging to the bathroom to expel the few glasses of water you drank. As you washed your hands, upon looking in the mirror, you were met with a face you barely knew. Sure, you looked the same  on the outside, but on the inside you were a different person. No longer peppy or truly happy. Ransom had taken it all from you, but it was time to take that back. Walking out the bathroom door, you vowed to yourself from this point on you’d try to become your old self. 

Surprisingly, Lorraine still sat at the booth, allowing you to give her a real and sincere apology.

“Lorraine, I’m so sorry, I can’t even fathom the words to justify my actions. Lately, I haven’t been able to truly control my emotions and I took it out on you. That was wrong and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it, after all you’ve always been here for me.”

The woman smiled at you, despite the tears rolling down your face. Why were you crying and since when did you become such an emotional person? You weren’t cold hearted, but nor were you one to cry at a movie. 

“That’s fine, I know you are under a lot of pressure. What do you say we get out of here and spend the rest of break at the bakery across the street?”

“I’d say you know me very well!” 

Soon, you flagged down the waitress and paid the tab, ignoring Lorraine’s pleas to pay for lunch. It was the least you could do after yelling at the poor woman. As you left the restaurant, the guilt was still surfacing in your body and you felt the need to hug your best friend, who was happily surprised, hugging you back. 

Once in the bakery, you were met with the sight of homemade chocolates, like your dog at home, you were practically drooling. Let’s just say the baker was stunned when you bought two dozens of chocolate, and then proceeded to eat half on the way out. What was even more surprising, was that about a seventy-five percent of your order was chili dark chocolate. 

As you were walking down the street, and to work, Lorraine reached over, tasting one of your chocolates, a chili one to be exact. Her face twisted with disgust and her suspicions were confirmed. 

“Uh, (y/n), I think I might have an explanation for your constant mood swings, the amount of times you leave to the bathroom, and why you’d buy this absolute garbage!”

The minute she listed all the symptoms together, you immediately denied her. 

“Don’t even say it. I’m just moody because I’m mad, I pee a lot because, uh-”

“Exactly! Even you can’t explain all of it. Just do me a favor and buy a test. It won’t hurt anything to try.”

“Yeah, but I know you are wrong, Lorraine.”

“I mean c'mon, don’t you want to know too?”

At that moment, the two of you were halted in front of a CVS, Lorraine pointing at the store like she was Vanna White. 

Your conscience: Maybe you should listen to the woman, after all she has three kids!

And so you did.

Thank god your friend was there, because you were an absolute novice in this field. Sure, you wanted kids, but right now you were praying that you were just having an irregular cycle due to stress. Lorraine, the best, best friend anyone could ask for, bought the test to spare you the embarrassment. 

The minute you walked into work, Lorraine pulled you into the bathroom, giving you instructions, you following them, then waiting for the timer to beep.

Any minute now you’d find your results, and for some reason part of you wanted this test to be positive. It would be nice to have a little company.

Once the timer beeped, you looked at the plastic stick that held your future, immediately smiling when your answer was pregnant.

You were pregnant!

But the father...

Unlike Ransom, you weren’t unfaithful and unfortunately, the father was no doubt him. Of course, the one time that asshole sleeps with you, he got you pregnant. And to think at the time, he didn’t even really love you just enraged you even more. It was gonna be a while till you got over this. 

So the rest of the day you were thrilled, and it was a lot easier to stick to your vows from earlier. Your mood was noticeably different to many of your coworkers, smiles all around. The old (y/n) was slowly reappearing. 

June through July, you spent your days, working and when not working, taking advice on a baby from Lorraine, even visiting her doctor who she so highly recommended. Fortunately, the doctor didn’t prod around in your life and was absolutely judge-free about your situation. You couldn't have been more grateful. 

In early July, you reached the second trimester, where the slightest bump formed on your stomach. Now it wasn’t noticeable to everyone, but to you, just the slightest site made your lips turn upward into a smile. Motherhood was the best thing to happen to you. And to make matters even better, your baby was going to be a Christmas baby, making his or her appearance at the end of December! 

Telling Ransom was gonna be a whole other story.

Finally, August 3rd came around, and the apartment complex office called, an opening for you. Lease signed, you shelled out your first payment and soon moved in, once again alone. It had been months since you’d heard from Ransom and honestly it was nice. 

The month of August flew by, and soon September came. Time passed by with flying colors and your mood had improved a bit, the baby in your stomach making life worth living. On the last Friday of September, your work friends decided that they all needed to go out, inviting you the first weekend of October to go ice-skating and out for dinner! It was time you treated yourself to something nice, so you giddily agreed. What could go wrong? 

That Friday, after work, Lorraine came to pick you up, the two of you going to meet the rest at the ice skating rink. Being 26 weeks pregnant, your stomach had finally started showing, allowing your coworkers to start nagging you. Last they had all heard, you were divorced. So when they asked, you kept your lips shut, it really wasn’t any of their business. The only one who knew was Lorraine, but she wasn’t a gossiper.

Arriving at the ice rink, the cold Massachusetts air was blowing, making you zip up your trench coat ever the slightest. Unfortunately, the wind wasn’t the only thing making your blood run cold. 

Most of your coworkers were out on the ice, Lorraine going out too, you told her you’d be out soon. It was nice to watch the skaters enjoy their time on the ice till you saw him. 

The familiar tan suede coat made your face lose all warmth, your own jacket no longer keeping you warm. Beside the laughing man, was the one and only, Blair, except this time a new accessory on her finger. A diamond ring you could see all the way from your table along the side of the rink. His laughter made you sick, and at this point you wanted to throw up the hot cocoa you had been sipping on. 

At the moment, you and Ransom were in the middle of divorce, thank the heavens an uncontested one, having been able to work many things out with your ex. This meant, zero court hearings (hopefully), a thin expense, and overall a clean divorce. Then, you had hired a paralegal to work on the legal papers and currently the two of you were waiting to see the judge to finalize the divorce, the approximate date set around the second week of November. 

Feeling suddenly insecure, and definitely not ready to tell Ransom, you pulled the large trench coat across your chest and secured it with the belt around the waist. The minute you looked at them, all the memories came flooding back. One specifically hitting you at this moment.

“Ransom, I’m gonna fall! You know I’m a klutz.”

Your husband just persisted and instead slipped on your ice skates, tying them up and resting his warm hands on your knees.

“Honey, I will be right beside you the whole time, and by the end of this, you’ll be a pro!”

His reassuring smile was all you needed, nodding, you placed your gloved hands in Ransom’s bare ones, trying to waddle your way to the rink entrance. First, Ransom skated onto the ice, turning and holding his hand out for you. The minute your feet made contact with the icy ground beneath, you fell straight to the ground, Ransom reached out to grab you, although he ended up going down with you. You looked at Ransom who wore an entertained smile on his face, laughing. Playfully, you slapped the man on the shoulder. 

“My failure isn’t funny!”

Ransom tried his best to cease his laughter, getting off the ice to help you up, although he was still chuckling the slightest bit. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it!” 

Once on your feet, Ransom locked arms with you, trying his best to balance you both, while also coaching you. 

At some point through the night, the fake snow was fluttering in the air, along with tunes of piano and jazz. You had finally gotten the hang of things somewhat, yet still latched close to Ransom. The man on your side, leaned down and whispered in your ear.

“I give you my word that every year I’ll bring you to this exact rink, just to teach you how to skate, darling.”

If only that same Ransom was the one you were staring at right now. 

But overall, looking back, memories like those, with him, are the ones you miss.

Why did he have to change?

“(y/n)?”

A tap on your shoulder, made you pop up from your seat to be met with the stare of that same man. He slowly gave you a once-over, making you slightly worry that he’d notice the baby bump.

He didn’t. 

“Ransom.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Drysdale.” 

Clearly, Ransom was trying to give you an olive branch, but at the moment, you just weren’t accepting it.

“I asked you first, (y/l/n).”

“Work.”

Your voice was monotone and Ransom gave a slight hum of acknowledgment. 

“Nice. Well uh- it was nice seeing you.”

Nervously, Ransom waved you goodbye, heading back to Blair who was removing her ice skates. You took notice how she was struggling and Ransom wasn’t down on his knees helping her as he did you. It did your ego good to see that your husband hadn’t completely replaced you. There was a difference between you and Blair. Ransom actually loved you, like the “die for you” kind of love. While Blair, on the other hand, was honestly there to fill the whole in his heart. 

It did intrigue you though as to why Ransom wasn’t being an arrogant jerk to you, yet he was being humble? None of it added up, but before you could do any more mental acrobatics, Lorraine came over, asking you to come ice skate, to which you smiled and put on your skates. 

Tonight was about you, not him. 

Something you hadn’t said in a long time.

taglist (series and in general tags): @kiwihoee​ @buckybarnesthehotshot​ @memissbee​ @tricereads​ @tonystankschild​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @ria132love​ @what-is-your-wish​ @maan24​ @bval-1​ @jemimah-b99​ @turtoix​ @just-one-ordinary-fangirl​

lemme know if you wanna join, be removed, or if i tagged the wrong person!

[userjungkook97]

best of 2021✨✨

i've been tagged by my loves @userjiminie​ @heybaetae​ @jiminswn​ and @bisexualrapline​ to post my favorite and/or most popular post from each month from this past year.

first of all, i’d like to thank you all for thinking of me, because i’ve been only more actively giffing since november and being mentioned by so many talented people that i admire and look up to was sort of a boost for me! you all did amazing works throughout the year and i can’t wait to see what 2022 holds for you! i hope you all know just seeing your creations sometimes gives me a bit of motivation and i hope i can make giffing a hobby more than i did since i started because i was back to enjoying myself while doing so, not only for the outcome on notes and all (even though it’s pointless to deny that those things do help a little, i remembered why i wanted to learn giffing in the first place - to have fun!).

okay, so, as i said, i’ve been only actively giffing more for the past month and a half or so, so i haven’t done many edits this year (lack of motivation was one of the many reasons why hehe), so i’ll just link my most popular here and some of my favorites from other blongs on months i haven’t done much on this blog.

below the cut because i ramble a lot for someone who wasn’t very much an active gifmaker this year hehe.

january: i didn’t do much back then because i was so stressed about an exam i had i only giffed one thing for all my blogs and it was for rosé teaser solo debut, so this has to be both the popular and favorite

february: again, i was busy with uni and wasn’t much active here (even though blackpink just had their only concert AND I DIDN’T GIF A SINGLE THING!!!!). so the only post i did was a birthday post for even bech naesheim on my skam sb because yes i celebrate fictional characters’ birthdays.

march: so march happened and rosé debut too! my post popular post is this rosé/roseanne edit and my favorite one some bits of the on the ground music video. i really enjoyed myself exploring bigger gifs and i really liked the colouring on both of these!

so it happens that from april until july i didn’t do much on this blog (uni and some uni break probably lmao) but i’ll like what were my favorite posts on my other blogs. april: this wandavision edit from my multifandom (mostly marvel) blog was my favorite edit to make. i don’t usually adventure myself with typography because i always think they turned out lame when i try but this one i enjoyed SO MUCH not only the result but also the making of it all. may: i’m torn between this favorite skam season or favorite skam episode because i liked exploring the things with the background image we had from season 3 and the texts. and i think they turned out really cool 🥺. june: once again, i only existed to celebrate another fictional character birthday, this time my beloved son isak valtersen last but not least, july: 0, zero, none edits this month. i apparently forgot to exist on the month of july, 2021.

august: look at this, back at giffing, who knew! but again, i was pretty much inactive and this lisa teaser trailer debut was my only edit, so, again, it’s both my most popular and my favorite (i really like it even though it’s pretty simple).

september: for this month i have a most popular post that is lisa in the lalisa mv but my favorite one is lisa on the money performance video - i liked the colouring of this last set so much.

october: once again, i was a ghost on this blog, but i was a bit active on my other blogs, so i’ll just like my favorites from each hehe. this lights up edit; this october 3rd edit and even clip and 21:21 clip (the way this one made me exhausted…)

november: okay, okay, the month i said OKAY LET’S MAKE GIFFING A HOBBY AND A HABIT. and i enjoyed it a lot. my most popular post was jimin tweeting army to thank for the AMAs wins and it’s one of my favorites, but my favorite from november is, for sure, a celebratory set of gcf tokyo - i liked pretty much all the edits i made on november, if i’m not too happy with a edit sometimes i don’t even post, but this has been happening less lately.

december: my most popular post fom this month is bts x lv for gq/vogue teaser and my favorite is namkook live ft. jin - maybe it’s because i’m soft for namkook but i also liked the colouring a lot.

so that’s it! since i’m a bit late, i’ll only tag a few people that i love their sets and you can do it if you’re up to it, but if not, it’s all good hehe. @taeunwoo @kimtaegis @supertunajin @jungkkyuk @blooodsweatandtears @plaids @bangguks

[loverofallthingssmart]

tagged by @dorky-little-hooman thanks luna !! ily and im sorry this took so long sdfgh <33

Playlist Tag Game:

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs (including music-only stuff like OSTs as well as songs) and then choose 10 victims.

oh boy here we go....

1) tennis court - lorde

2) rich - megan thee stallion

3) before he cheats - carrie underwood

4) in the morning - itzy

5) primadonna - marina

6) akasaka sad - rina sawayama

7) nobody - mitski

8) hypnotize-instrumental - the notorious b.i.g

9) busy boy - chloe x halle

10) other side of hollywood - julie and the phantoms soundtrack

Get To Know Me

Why did you choose your url?

past me was a pretentious snob and was like oh haha youre an intellectual and you only engage with intellectual content so lover of all things smart is PERFECT and now i have too many links in my pinned to go back and fix if i change it so </3

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

yeah !! i have a sideblog for cql/mdzs @wenqingsgirlfriend thats active bc i didnt want to bother anyone with my cql posting <3 i still kind of post cql on main sometimes though

How long have you been on tumblr?

apparently since 2018 according to memories??? but ive only used it since june 2020

Do you have a queue tag?

yeah !! its "its queue and me forever" although ive stopped tagging my queue lmao

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i would search up " ____ tumblr posts" on google on my phone with random topics to pass time and after my friends talked about being gay with each other my (at the time, straight) self wanted to see if i would get 'gay tumblr' or 'straight tumblr' which to this day i have no clue what that means

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

got tired of the picrew icon and wanted something pink to go along with my what? 3rd pink theme so i scrolled through my pink tag and found the cat in front of the flowers and thought " this is PERFECT omg like" and so i changed it and i was right it WAS perfect <3

Why did you choose your header?

pretty pink flowers to match my whole pink theme (pretty much same story as the icon)

What’s your post with the most notes?

ugh this one which i cringe every time i see it in my activity its just. cringe like idk the fact thats its unided, lok, and was almost uncredited.... no thank you

How many people do you follow?

uhh 105 rn and idk if im gonna cleanse it or follow new people at the moment but that number might change

Have you ever made a shitpost?

yes???? no??? what qualifies as a shitpost?? im sure i have, it just didnt blown up so i forgot it or something

How often do you use tumblr?

all the time bestie im here all the time its an illness (less time now though since my electronics are gone for the most part DFGKJH)

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

hmm. i dont think so? im normally a stew in silence and maybe rant to a few people kind of person when i get mad/annoyed at a blog but i dont think ive gotten into a fight publicly ghjksfh... i should change that <3

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

theyre just so UGH. i almost ALWAYS scroll down bc i feel burdened by it and if i rb it then others will too and i just sideeye the people who put those kinds of posts on my dash (i unfollow if theyre not a mutual actually)

Do you like tag games?

YEA !! although sometimes i dont do them bc one i forget or two im feeling lazy fghj although feel free to keep tagging me i love them <3

Do you like ask games?

yeah !!!! i dont get that many asks but i LOVE ask games omg

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope !! (i mean.. if anyone is volunteering..... 👀 DFGTHYUIKJ)

Phone Photo Meme Game

rules: choose one picture from ur camera roll without downloading to sum up your personality and then tag 5 ppl

[id: a screencap of a-yuan from the show, "the untamed". he stares offscreen with a distressed and disappointed expression, his arm raised as if he was going to show something. /end id]

im upbeat and cool and positive and then you get to know me </3

no pressure tags! uh @silver-snow @n1ghtangel@panini-the-bird-killer@doingwonderfully and @cxntofgnc <3

[the-overgrowth]

Retrospective: “Faybane” #1

This is where it all started, on July 8th, 2016. Although probably a bit earlier than that, but this is the earliest thing I can find that’s actually written down, so that’s what counts. And back in the day I didn’t let ideas marinate the way I do now, I just started writing pretty much as soon as I got the idea.

Anyway, the document was created at this point in time according to Google Docs, and was last modified in October 3rd, 2016. It’s only 3 chapters long, plus one incomplete fourth chapter, and the whole thing is about 17k words.

Which is a lot for 3 chapters. I would say something about how I’m less wordy now, but the latest draft is like 107k words long, so, like, I will always struggle with shutting the fuck up, methinks.

Also, the reason this is called “Faybane” is because that was the working title I used, and the name of this document. I thought it’d be the proper title but like. It’s bad lmao.

Anywhomst, let’s get into it!

Some background info for those who are new or need a refresher: this WIP became a thing after I read and was disappointed by A Court of Thorns and Roses by SJM, as well as The Iron King by Julie Kagawa and some book by Holly Black, was it Tithe?

ACOTAR was the biggest culprit. I feel that this is important to keep in mind as we go through this mess.

We open on Sidra in the forest with a bunch of men she calls a hunting party. It’s clear she doesn’t want to be there, but since she’s the only decent hunter among them and it’s her sister’s wedding today, she has to make the kill to feed the people attending said wedding.

This is, as the kids say, big stupid, and seems like a very ill-prepared celebration? I guess it makes some sense for them to want fresh meat, but this fresh? What if they didn’t find anything? What if they didn’t manage to kill anything? Is the whole thing cancelled? Stupid.

We find out they’ve been hunting a boar and that this dude named Liam, our Gaston replacement, previously wounded the animal but didn’t kill it, causing it to flee and force the hunting party to follow. It’s up to Sidra to make the killing blow, which she does with an arrow straight into its head. This was back when Sidra was still YA Heroine Extraordinaire and the time period was Vaguely Medieval, I guess.

They begin taking their quarry back home and Sidra thinks about how she normally doesn’t hunt this close to the “Faewilds” because animals closer to the border are said to be bigger and more violent. There isn’t an actual border, people just had to rely on intuition and not wander too far into the forest.

She also mentions a girl named Wilda, who disappeared fairly recently and everyone suspects it was the fae. This isn’t relevant now, but Wilda will return in later drafts, I think.

Everybody, especially my family, knew that I was one of the best archers in town, whether I used a bow or a crossbow.

Shut up, Not!Feyre. Nobody likes you.

I should mention that at this point I didn’t bother googling how big wild boars get and just assumed they were the size of like, a thick medium dog. Which is, if you know how big boars are, very incorrect. Four men pulling the animal seems realistic enough, but then Liam just lifts it up on his own? Not buying it.

Sidra laments how much she hates Liam and we find out that he apparently tried to assault her and she stabbed him? And apparently she’s not happy about his marriage to Sinéad but can’t do anything about it because “Father’s word is law” and Sinéad herself laughed it off when Sidra tried to warn her?

Yeah, gonna call bullshit on that one. No idea why this was here or what purpose it serves, the reason Liam doesn’t exist in the latest draft is because I never figured out what his purpose was so I axed him entirely. 

Current!Sidra would just kill him the moment he showed an interest in Sinéad, and Current!Sinéad would 100% believe her sister about something like that.

Some bloke named Connor strikes up a conversation with Sidra, seemingly worried about being this far away from human civilization. Liam teases him about it and calls the fae “knife-ears”, because I still had brainrot back then and liked Dragon Age and had zero original ideas in my head.

The men make jokes about having sex with fae women and Sidra seems so disturbed by this that she nocks an arrow. This isn’t the first time she makes references to feeling unsafe around these men, I have no idea why I wrote it this way aside from being edgy, I guess.

My village was mostly populated by men, and even though I wasn’t one of the pretty girls there, I knew these men weren’t picky, even with all their talk about beautiful fae women. I’d heard that fae women would kill their men after sleeping with them. I had no way of know it was true, but a part of me hoped it was and that Liam would some day soon get “lucky” and encounter a female fae, so she could end his misery.

Edgy, dude.

They eventually arrive and Sidra goes inside her house, which is a simple cottage with three rooms. I think her family are all farmers? It’s kind of confusing. She goes into her and Sinéad’s bedroom, where Sinéad is preparing for her wedding. Also, she’s blonde.

“Sid! There you are!” she said cheerily. “Killed a boar, huh? Good on Liam for taking all the credit.”

If you know your man is trash, why are you marrying him?

Apparently Liam seduced Sinéad with sweets and baked goods. I mean ... fair enough. Considering how Sidra complains about being hungry and skinny and going without food if she doesn’t kill the boar because this year’s harvest was minimal, I’m assuming y’all are starving.

We find out Sinéad’s mother doesn’t let her do anything around the house or farm, to preserve her “soft and white” hands and pale complexion so she could be married off easily. This makes zero sense, you’d think these medieval men wouldn’t have the same beauty standards as Victorian England, plus having a mouth to feed that doesn’t even help feeding itself is just nuts. 

But remember, this isn’t Sidra, this is Not!Feyre. She needs to be sad and put-upon and a victim. She explains how she was never pretty to begin with and thus nobody considered her to be worthy of marrying off, which then meant she was put to work and became even less attractive because now she was so cool and badass that all the men were intimidated by her.

Yeah, in a village that already doesn’t have a lot of young women? I’m not buying this, lmao. But go off, Not!Feyre.

I’d been the one helping around, instead. Hunting, mostly. Sometimes I’d chop wood or work the farm. Marrying out of the house seemed impossible. Marrying up was practically a dream you forgot upon waking. Had I been pretty from the start there would’ve been a foundation to work from, but I was a lost cause even before my skin became tan and my hands grew veined and calloused. I had freckles which people mistook for mud and dull brown eyes, a long nose that had been broken one time too many and a mouth that made it look like I constantly felt a bad smell no matter what facial expression I made. I’d always been of rather short stature and had brown hair and thick eyebrows, which in combination with everything else made my parents call me their “little goblin”. The scar on my face didn’t help me either: men didn’t like it when their women were more battle-hardened than they were.

Oh god please, don’t go off! We don’t care! Stop going off!

Also what fucking parents call their poor kid a goblin? Yikes.

Sinéad convinces Sidra to get prettied up and Sidra is all “oh I bet all the men will just fall over themselves for my favor now huh” which is just the most annoying fucking thing, prompting Sinéad to respond:

“Well, winter is coming and game is scarce. If they want to survive, marrying the best hunter in the village might be a good bet.”

Yeah! This is correct! I refuse to believe people wouldn’t be into Sidra! Not only does everyone apparently know she’s the best hunter in town, but Sidra herself confirmed the men here outnumber the women and aren’t very picky.

This is fucking stupid. I’m glad I axed it. In my defense, I was very much trying to emulate the YA shit I’d read so far.

Sidra’s grandmother enters the stage. She’s very old in this draft, but otherwise unchanged.

She was a short and wrinkled old lady with extremely bad vision and an even worse grasp on reality. Or maybe an extremely acute grasp on reality, depending on whether you believed her stories or not.

Sidra changes out of the dress again to go out and help her father prepare the boar, all while sulking.

I didn’t envy Sinead, nor any other bride. Despite what most people thought of me, I wasn��t some poor ugly girl longing for the love of a man and the security of marriage. Did I enjoy the idea of having somebody care for me? Sure. But it wasn’t on my list of priorities. I was still trying to figure out what actually was on that list. Not that it mattered. The prospects for a poor village girl were very finite.

Womp womp.

We get some confusing and barely related stuff about Sidra possibly becoming a royal hunter for the king and also about where the village is located in relation to the Faewilds. She speculates that maybe the fae aren’t real, but the way she and everyone else talks about them makes it pretty obvious that they are? This was supposed to build mystery, I guess.

We skip forward to the wedding and Sidra is moping again.

“How are you feeling?” Father asked and squeezed my shoulder. 

I wasn’t sure why he was doing that. I assumed it had something to do with the wedding and the fact that despite there being fewer women than men here, I was still not asked to dance. Though this didn’t really bother me, so I just shrugged.

“It doesn’t bother me. Anyway I will continue to mope and feel bitter about this thing that doesn’t bother me.” Hunny ...

At least Current!Sidra has the self-awareness to admit she’s sad and lonely.

 [Father’s] marriage to Sinead’s mother was never out of love, more out of necessity. It was easier when you had a big family.

Except for when this “big family” is 3 people who work and 2 people who are just being fed, right? See, I knew back then that having a big family helps when you have a farm, but I also needed to make Sidra Special so Sinéad had to sit on her ass to highlight how pretty and feminine she was or whatnot.

Bleh.

They talk a bit about Sidra’s mother, who passed away five years ago, and Sidra reminisces about how she used to tell amazing stories. It’s all very ... whatever, and serves only to make this point for the hundredth time:

I wasn’t like Mother. I wasn’t full of life and spirit like her. I wasn’t loved and respected by the entire village like her. I was just her disappointing child whose existence they’d rather forget except when they wanted something killed.

Right after this there’s a really abrupt scene transition. Nothing about the wedding coming to an end, nothing about her going to bed, it’s just ... some while later?

Sidra’s father comes back home from ??? and tells Sidra he saw a stag somewhere, but it was hours ago so she better get a move on.

I’m not sure what either of them thinks this will accomplish? Like ... what is she gonna do with it when she kills it ... Carry it home? On her little boney ass? Hmm? I guess I didn’t think of that because I had meta knowledge that she wouldn’t get it home either way, so who cares about logic, right?

Sidra kills two rabbits while stalking the deer, and despite telling us earlier that she doesn’t venture far away from human civilization and the boar hunting being the farthest she’d been and that she wouldn’t go this far alone, she has no issue dwelling very deep into the forest this time.

Like. Henlo? Can we have one logic please and thanks you? Granted, she keeps stopping every now and then to Feel Things Out, but this really goes against how careful she was before and at no point do we get an explanation to her sudden boldness. Plot reasons, I guess.

She nearly stumbles into fae territories and finally decides to head back, except when she starts returning, she sees the stag she’s been tracking. It’s abnormally huge and has a “dark brown” coat that she finds odd, but of course she’s too stupid to connect the dots.

She sneaks up on it and honestly? This chapter ending still slaps.

A scream of pain left the creature and I saw it topple. But though my arrow hit a deer, a man fell to the ground.

DUN DUN DUN.

And yeah, the ACOTAR roots rear their ugly heads again. I liked the idea of the protagonist shooting a fae disguised as an animal, but I decided to cut out the middleman and just have her obliterate Val right in chapter one. Don’t worry, he doesn’t die.

[softyoongiionly]

No Diving 🏊‍♂️

A Thursday night in the sweltering heat was not your idea of a good time. Your boyfriend however, has a few plans up his sleeve to help you ‘cool off.’

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Fluffy!!! Jin, Boyfriend! Jin, little known fact: Jin was my very first bias in BTS and, he frequently taunts me with his overwhelming perfection,  SMUT (18+ only), Jealous! Y/N

Word Count: 3.2k ( I got a lil out of hand with this one, I blame Jin)

Warnings: smut (no minors plz)

A/N: whoa there, apparently I have a lot of feelings for Jin and, this was an attempt to get it all out. CAUSE EXPRESSING YOURSELF IS A GOOD THING BROTHER. anyway lmao

love you xx

The entirety of the back of your neck is coated in a vomit inducing amount of sticky sweat.  Your normally cozy apartment felt like a stale-scented sauna from which you could not escape. Due to scheduled maintenance, your building  had informed it’s tenants that:

“This Thursday, July 18th, we will be shutting off the Central Air system for a yearly tune up.  The tune up will begin at approximately 10pm and, conclude around 5am to avoid inconveniencing our tenants. We ask that you plan accordingly.

Sincerely,

Management”

Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue however, your region had been experiencing an intense heatwave that had kept temperatures well above their national average for about a week now. There was no mercy after sundown as the temperatures were only wavering a few degrees lower.  

Hell, it was absolute hell.

The heat is not something you handled well. You liked to think of yourself as a fairly calm and reasonable person. Well your calmness and your reason-ability were no match for the sweltering heat that seemed to ebb and flow against the perimeter of your body.  What’s almost nearly as irritating, is that your boyfriend, who had spent the entire day shirtless, seemed to have no issue with the lack of air conditioning.

“Jagi,” He chuckles from the counter-top, shaking the black fringe out of his eyes as he continues to cut up a few strawberries, “…it’s not that bad. The air’s only been off for an hour…”

Your irritation simmers at a dangerous rate underneath your skin, “Jin, it’s literally a thousand degrees in here…”

He snorts, shaking his head, rolling his broad shoulders before scooping the strawberries into the blender, his dark eyes scanning the counter to locate the bottle of silver tequila.

“You’re being dramatic…which is my job.” He smirks as your displeasure becomes even more evident on your face, pouring a few shots of tequila into the mix.  “…The margaritas will help cool you down and, if you want, we can always go down to the pool and, wait it out.”

Huffing, you lean hopelessly against the counter, wishing that you could crawl inside of the freezer Jin was currently pulling ice cubes out of.

“The pool closes in ten minutes…” You groan into your palm, trying to ignore the fact that your ANKLES were covered in sweat.

Jin shrugs, the ice cubes landing in the blender with a loud sloshing sound, “So? We pay rent here, the worst they’re going to do, is tell us to leave…”

He makes a compelling argument. Nobody from management would be in at this hour and, most of the security group would likely be with the maintenance crew. You look up at him, admiring the way the sweat glistened across his bare chest as he added a few squeezes of lime juice into the blender.  

Damn him for looking good in these conditions.

“That’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had…”

Jin chuckles, brows rising at your comment, “No, the worst idea I’ve ever had was the time I tried to make a move on you in grade 12 by leaving a homemade custard pie in your locker…”

You giggle at the memory of a very nervous, lanky Jin explaining to you that  there was a now putrid pie in your locker because, he had no idea you would be away on vacation for the week. He had just assumed you ate it and, didn’t like him.  

Neither of which were true…

“Hey don’t say that, that pie was the reason you and I went to homecoming together. Which, if I remember correctly, lead to you getting head for the first time.” You point out, still smiling fondly as you slowly make your way off of the barstool.  

You were going to take advantage of your trip to the pool by using it as an excuse to wear the least amount of clothing legally possible.

“That’s very true—it wasn’t the first time I got head though…” Jin lets this tiny microscopic bit of information and as soon as he does, his eyes widen.

Why the hell did he just say that?

Pausing in your tracks, you feel your stomach churn in an uncomfortable way, “Wait…but-“

As you turn around, your boyfriend quickly amends, his eye still widened in surprise.

“It wasn’t my first time but, it was the best night of seventeen year old Jin’s life so, it didn’t matter…”

Your eyes look over him, assessing his answer. Jin chuckled nervously from the counter before his eyes roll in the wake of the awkward silence.

“Jagi, that was like 8 years ago, you’re not seriously upset are you?” His tone is teasing but, gentle, desperately hoping he hadn’t actually bothered you.

No, of course not. Why would you be upset?  

That would be ridiculous.  

You and Jin had been dating for 7 years and, lasted not only through 4 years of long distance when the two of you went away for school but, you made it through the countless hardships one often encounters at the beginning of adulthood.

7 years later and, you’re both still head over heels in love with one another and, despite your busy schedules, still manage to find time to indulge in eachother…often.

Like, very often…

He was right, it shouldn’t matter, it dOESn’t matter…

Everything is fine.  

“No, I’m not, I think you told me about them actually…I must have forgot…” You pull a convincing smile across your face, trying to ignore the burning curiosity that had lodged itself into your brain.

Jin doesn’t look convinced but, the ice was starting to melt under the blistering heat of your apartment and, he wanted to finish up the margaritas to take to the pool.

“Okay good, now get your cute ass into the room and, please for the love of god, don’t come back in that red bikini…” He looks at you pointedly, gesturing to the bedroom.

You cock your head, giggling at his request, “Wait why? I thought you liked the red bikini?”

“I do but-- “ He motions wildly to the space surrounding him, “The apartment is hot enough and, if you come out here in that thing, you’re going to set the building on fire…”

Laughter echoes throughout the kitchen as you wave him off, “Stopppp…”

However, his comment soothes your petty jealousy (temporarily) and, you do exactly as he instructed you not to do, and slipped on the strappy red bikini you had bought earlier that month.

Moments later, you exit the room to find your boyfriend carefully scooping pink slushy liquid into matching, tropical tiki glasses, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth in concentration.

Fuck, you really loved this man.

“Are you re-“ He begins his sentence before halting it abruptly, his eyes widening in horror as he spots you, “YAH! WHAT DID I JUST SAY? DO YOU WANT ME DEAD? IS THAT IT? YOU WANT YOUR BOYFRIEND DEAD?”

You burst out into another fit of giggles, parading over in his direction, “STOP, you’re gonna wake up the neighbors…”

Guffawing, he reaches for you, fingers wiggling in anticipation, “SO?? THERES A FIRE IN THE BUILDING Y/N! THEY SHOULD BE AWAKE…”

Your stomach is painfully sore from your increasing laughter as you grab his hands and, lean into his gesticulating frame. Your lips attach themselves to his momentarily to stop the noise, fearing that your neighbors will think there is an actual fire in the building.

Jin smiles into your lips, his strong hands coming out to grip your waist.

“You’re ridiculous…and it still feels like we’re on the fucking sun so, save your touching for the pool.”

Jin chuckles, stealing a kiss before, putting his hands up, and conceding with you.

“Fair enough…can you grab the towels? I’ll get the drinks…”

Roughly 10 minutes later, you and Jin make it to the gated pool that sat in the center of your complex. The summer breeze was a slight improvement from your apartment but, the air was still sticky and, far too dense to be considered pleasant.

“Do you have the key?” Jin inquires in a hushed tone, turning back to you at the gate.

“Fuck….” You groan, looking dreadfully back at your apartment.

He snickers, shaking his head at you before setting the drinks down, “It’s alright, I got it…”

“Be careful!”  A panicked whisper-yell tumbles out of your mouth as your boyfriend grips the top of the fence, hoisting himself over.

He snickers again as he lands on the other side effortlessly and, pulls the gate open.

“Don’t trip on the margaritas…I will leave you.” He warns as he brushes past you to pick them up.

You snort, tossing the towels onto a nearby chair, “I’m glad our nearly decade long relationship is so easily broken over spilled margaritas.”

“Frozen strawberry margaritas...that you watched me slave over, thankyouverymuch...” He corrects, smirking as he sets the cups down on the edge of the pool.

A giggle leaves your lips as you follow him over to the water.

The pool area was strangely eerie at night. During the day, especially this time of year, it was loud, crowded and, reeked of sunblock and, burnt barbecue. Tonight however, after hours, the area was impossibly quiet, the pool lights illuminating its entirety with a soft blue-green hue.  

A light splash brought you out of your head and, you turn towards the pool to see that Jin had already hopped in, the water in the shallow end only coming up to his waist.

“Is it cold?” You wavered slightly at the steps causing Jin to roll his eyes, his hand coming up to push his hair back.

“No, it’s ‘literally a thousand degrees’ remember? It feels like bath water...” Jin teases, opening his arms to beckon you forward, “...get in here, I’m already lonely.”

You flip him off at his mocking of your tone before giggling as he pretends to catch it like a kiss. Soon enough, you decide to trust his judgement and, slowly begin wading into the pool. The water proved to be the exact temperature Jin described and, it was so soothing that you found yourself immediately dunking under water. The uncomfortable sweaty feeling finally comes to an end and, you feel your mood improving significantly as you begin to cool down.

“You’re a genius Kim Seokjin...” You murmur as he starts making his way toward you, grabbing your drinks along the way.

He laughs at that, handing you the tiki cup before taking a sip from his own.

“I know I am but, I’m glad to finally hear it from you jagi,” He gestures to the cup, looking at you pointedly, “drink this before it melts. Let me know what you think, I added extra fresh strawberries this time...the syrupy shit is too sweet.”

You follow his directions, taking a drink from the tiki cup, humming happily as the refreshing strawberry slush envelops your tastebuds.

“It’s amazing, as usual, I like the fresher berries too, it’s less overbearing...”

“Okay good, I’ll make it that way next time,” Jin smiles, pleased with your reaction before jerking his head towards you, “So are you gonna come over here now or, are you going to keep torturing your poor, sweet, innocent, boyfriend?”

His face turns up into pout but, as usual, there’s mischief behind his eyes.

“You’re so dumb...” You laugh at his antics but, you don’t fight him, setting your drink down before wading over to him. Jin joins you in your laughter as he sinks down further into the water to encourage you to wrap your legs around him.

“Mm thank you... “ He murmurs happily, grinning as you settle into his grip.

You're grateful that the water provides such buoyancy that you’re both essentially weightless because, it allows you to wrap yourself around your boyfriend without fear of him dropping you.

Which he has definitely done before.

“Hi....” You hum as he wades around the shallow end of the pool, his face lit up with pure contentment.  

“Hi...” He responds, pecking at your lips over and over, playfully nibbling on your bottom lip. The giggles that initially leave your mouth eventually fade as your boyfriend’s sinfully plump lips start kissing into you deeper and deeper.  

Jin leans against the side of the pool wall, big hands motioning for you to wrap your legs around his waist, the slow kiss continuing all the while.

He was the only man you had ever been with but, you couldn’t imagine things getting any better than this. Even after years together, Jin knows exactly how to get your heart sputtering in your chest.  

As he explores the skin of your back, his gentle but assured touch sends shivers down your spine, causing you to kiss at him with more fervor. Your tongue slips in with his, sliding slowly against it, causing him to groan gently into your mouth. 

You considered yourself the luckiest person in the observable universe that you had somehow managed to score the man of the century but, there was something rather annoying nibbling at the back of your mind.

“...it wasn’t the first time I got head though...”

That singular, stupid, insignificant little comment that was uttered nearly a half an hour ago was stirring something inside of you.

It was unsettling and wholly unfamiliar because, you considered yourself to be a fairly relaxed person and, you had been in a committed relationship with a very loyal and amazing man.

A man, who was currently placing delicate kisses into the crook of your neck. A man, who could, in the same hour, make you laugh and cum so hard that you cried.

Your man.

He was yours.

“Jin...” You whispered, feeling slightly delusional as he began sucking on the sensitive spot behind your ear.

“Yeah?” His voice, low and slightly shaky sent jolts of arousal straight to your pussy, your hand beginning to tug him towards the steps.

“I want you in my mouth...”

Jin chokes on a cough as you slide your hand down the length of his torso, softly gripping his swollen length through his swim trunks.

“W...what?” He whispers, heart thrumming in his chest.

“I want you in my mouth...please? Can I?” You turn up the filth factor in your tone, nibbling on his ear, a weakness of his, as you coax him into your hand.

“Jesus...” He groans as you squeeze over him, just a little tighter, his length swelling as you do.  

“Please?” You whisper again, nuzzling against him, the swarm of desperation being brought on by uncharacteristic envy.

“You know you don’t have to beg...give my girl what she wants don’t I? If she wants dick in her mouth than, that’s exactly what’s she’s going to get.”

The timbre in his voice drives you crazy and, the next thing you know, he’s got you both on the steps. 

You bite your lip, admiring his toned body softly illuminated by the blue light of the pool, his black hair pushed back haphazardly...he notices your admiration and, he smirks, because he fucking loves it.

“You gonna get what you were begging for?” He challenges, brows rising as he moves to untie his board shorts, the tanned skin of his hardened length peeking out of the top of them.

You nod, eyes likely blown out completely with lust and determination.

Crawling over to him, you settle onto the second step, leaving some of your body submerged into the water. You brush your lips along his neck, before moving to place kisses over his collarbones, sucking lightly as you make your way down his body.  

Jin’s breathing grows slightly in intensity as you reach the hem of his trunks. You waste no time in easing them down his legs, letting his dick settle hastily against his stomach.

Looking up at him one last time, you return his smirk, licking over your lips as you take him into your hand, “I’m wanna make you cum...really hard.”

He chuckles darkly, thumb coming out to brush over your swollen lips,  

“You better get started then...”

That was all you needed.

You lean down, taking him into your mouth, your hand coming up to accompany the motions as you sucked on him. He groans deep in his chest, looking away momentarily because, the image of you between his legs is something he has never managed to get used to. You use your tongue to lick gently around the tip of him before your free hand comes up to cup his balls.

Sucking Jin’s dick was no easy feat as he boasts a jaw-aching 9 inches when he’s fully hard but, after 7 years together, you like to think you’ve perfected the art.

Jin seems to agree with you...

“Oh shit...you’re so good down there jagiya...you know that? Suck my dick so good...” He mutters the last bit through his teeth, his hips lifting with the motions of your mouth which were increasing with speed.

You squeeze him gently, your mouth and opposite hand squeezing and sucking him into a frenzy. He could feel it in his toes, his spine, he was overwhelmed. Jin couldn’t understand how you were so perfect at it, every damn time, willing him into shivering mess with just your mouth.

“Jagi....Y/N...” He moans deep in his chest going cross eyed momentarily as you begin to focus your lips on his swollen, sensitive tip. “How the fuck am I so close huh? You think after all this time...I’d be able to last in your mouth but, fuck....fuck me.”

His whine cuts off the rest of his sentence, his eyes squeezing shut as you take him down your throat, your hand still caressing and massaging his balls.

You were soaked, you could feel it.

Jin’s dick did that to you, in absolutely every context.

“I’m...fuck...you’re gonna make me cum jagi...I’m gonna cum so hard for you, just like you want huh? Gonna let me cum in your throat?” He growls desperately, hands tightening their grip in your hair as his toes begin to curl.  

You nod eagerly, sucking him faster, moaning in your throat so he can benefit from the vibrations.

“Swallow for me...swallow it please...”

His last request is honored, it always is. He cums so hard it fucks with his vision, his hips permanently pushed up for the time being as he empties himself into your mouth, panting your name as he does. You take everything he gives you but, you wait for a moment, tapping his thigh as he starts to come down.

Jin forces his eyes open, his vision still not a 100% but, he can see you between his legs, with your mouth open, tongue full of his cum.

You’re showing off for him and, make an emphasized sound as you swallow the entirety of him down.

That’s too much for him...

He grabs you then, bringing you up to his lips, kissing you sloppily, “God, I really love you.” He chuckles in disbelief, his brain too hazy to ask questions.

“I love you too...” You giggle into his mouth, still breathless as you push a hand through his hair.

It was silent for a moment as the two of you continue to kiss slowly at one another.

“Hey...” He mumbles against your mouth, a knowing smirk forming on his lips, “...that wasn’t brought on by what I told you earlier right?”

No, uh, not at all.

[attackatosh]

beat  New Vegas for the first time.

Fuckin’ ridic amount of spoilers under the cut for basically everything that came to mind. Also putting it under a cut bc it got LORGE.

Basically just set down the controller and went to write this.

I went independent, of course – save logged about 112 hours, final date 5/1/2282. I suppose that makes sense; I did a lot of fucking around between Vegas and DC procrastinating on finishing For Auld Lang Syne and the rest of Yes Man’s quests. Forgot to off Caesar before starting the 2BOHD, but I have a post-game mod. This ride never ends, especially since I have about 5 years of stuff I need to fill between NV and 4. (Perks of carrying the same dude across 3 games, ah?)

I played with Dexter, my old Lone Wanderer – thank god for Tale of Two Wastelands (seriously, worth the 2hr+ install time). Picked up Arcade way at the start of the game, toted him around and got his likes up as I explored. We saw the Vertibird, we saw HELIOS one… the Van Graffs, even. Every time he stopped me with something that let slip a bit of his past, I always lowkey had Dex in the back of my mind, mentioning something about his adventures in DC. It’s really all he can remember – Benny’s little bop on the noggin took his eye and most of his memories of the Mojave area. If I knew how to make a companion in NV (I used to make ‘em all the time in Skyrim, but with TTW + custom voices…) I could make his boyfriend, my friend’s take on the Courier (albeit with a modified backstory to fit in with Dexter’s days as the Lone Wanderer, haha). Even if the dialogue options wouldn’t let me talk to him about what Dexter really knew, it still made me wish that FO4’s affinity system was a thing in New Vegas. I spent waaay too much time just running around and talking to random people. Julie Farkas sounds kind of like Serana, do they share a voice actor?

I did the DLC completely out of order, lmao – I did Honest Hearts first, right after whacking House upside the head with a golf club. Graham’s interesting to talk to, though once you get to the core of his behaviour it’s apparent he hasn’t changed a bit – sure, he got the yeeting of a lifetime, but he’s only thought he’s changed. I suppose that’s how it goes when your entire life goes up in smoke and you’re left to deal with whatever remains.

Old World Blues was absolutely phenomenal – I think I spent the most time here, trying to make everybody happy, with the best result I could. I played this part with my girlfriend – she did some googling while I played and we found out that Dr. Klein is voiced by Doug Dimmadome… who also voices Mannimarco in ESO. (Then again, Arcade is Shazam. Should I be surprised anymore?)

I never ended up grabbing every companion like I thought I would – Boone stayed in the Dead Wife Dinosaur and Cass is probably still getting shitfaced at the outpost. I found Lily though, while running through For Auld Lang Syne; my friend gave me a mod that let me keep Arcade after completing the quest, so I figured procrastination time was finally over. Marcus was cool to see! I haven't been to Broken Hills in FO2 but now I have even more reason to go, especially since I've been writing a story about this playthrough that happens to involve my Chosen One.

I suppose over the course of the journey, I felt like Dexter and Arcade grew closer, sort of like how it is when you do something a companion likes in 4... course, I dunno how he'd work affinity-wise (though it's something i've thought about writing down before)

I love 3 and 4, but... Damn. New Vegas' ending is having the same impact on me as Oblivion's did. I still think personally i have a slight preference to 3 (thanks to that one Many a True Nerd video and buying it for myself propelling fallout as a whole into the special interest hell it's been for the past... god knows how many months)

I'm not really sure where i'm going with this anymore. I just kind of wanted to ramble about my thoughts on New Vegas (and i guess about my character...) but this wall was a bit too big for Discord.

[aloftmelevar]

we need to talk about prince ivandoe

geez when was the last time i posted a full-fledged blog post myself on here

but anyways if no one is gonna get the word out then i am.

have you heard of the real 57th cartoon network original?

so basically, there's a cartoon network studio in europe appropriately named "cartoon network studios europe"

or if you wanna go the fancy route you can say "𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓶𝓪𝓻𝓵𝓫𝓸𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓭𝓾𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼" but according to the brits that apparently have 9 billion iq we are dumb and we have to have direct terms for things and watered down tomodachi life lyrics and our own measurement system, so we call it by its direct name, therefore the rest of the world has to call it by its direct name (disclaimer: thehanbaniverse knows this isn't why we call it CNSE) (well i mean GM is the street turner EMEA is on but) (why they gotta name the studio that) (if it aint on great marlborough street) (🤔🤔🤔)

it used to be called "cartoon network development studio europe" because it was gonna only produce pilots that could be turned into UK (or other parts of europe) originals. and yeah they produced pilots

that's when some dude named,,,i dunno,,,,benjam in...? bo koo leigh....?? came and made a pilot for some underground alternative show called....y'all probably haven't heard of it.....the ama zing world of a gum ball,,, ooo....

so CNSE picked it up and WOOO HOOO CN UK HAS THEIR OWN BABY (THAT THEY AIR LIKE 200 TIMES A WEEK YAY EUROPEAN TV LAWS)

(AND IT DID NOT AIR IN MAY 2008 YOU NUMBSKULLS THAT'S LIKE SAYING ADVENTURE TIME PREMIERED IN 2007 OR MAO MAO PREMIERED IN 2014 GOOGLE GNOMED YOU ONCE AGAIN)

fun fact: pinky malinky was originally gonna be The Second British Cartoon Network Show but nickelodeon intervened and grabbed the show right out of their hands and put that junt on netflix. i would've loved to make a parody weezer cover with gumball, ivandoe, pinky, and eliott but like,,,,pinky malinky,,,is now,,,the first british nicktoon,,,,oo,,maybe he can "join" weezer,,,original meme idea,,,,dont steal,,,

so CN UK caressed their baby for 8 years til they dropped it on the head and ran away from it before they could give it a good conclusion

and 2 years before that, CNSE put out a teaser for a new,,,,DANISH show?????

yeah that's right, SCANDINAVIA GANG WAS ABOUT TO TAKE OVER HOO-UGH

and this new show was called The Heroic Quest of the Valiant Prince Ivandoe (probably the longest name for a CN original ever, correct me if i'm wrong)

and by "show", i mean 10 3 Minute Shorts That Are Unlockable By Playing An Online Game That They Took Off Their Site And Is Pretty Much Unaccessible From Anywhere Not In EMEA Therefore A Lot Of People Don't Know This Show Exists And It Pisses Me Off™.

yeah :(

this is what it looks like

now before you whip out your keyboards and get ready to furiously type "GUMBALL RIPOFF",,,,please listen to what i said earlier,,,,same studio,,,,and the animators from the show made this,,,,this isn't bocquelet's baby but it's got the same animators

and like...this show was slept on the HARDEST of any other CN show and was INSANELY underappreciated. this beats sheep in the big city levels of overlooked. this is a whole new league.

like...y'all flat out forgot it existed. big time. like yeah y'all might've watched that one video vailskibum made about it but then y'all walked right off. this show has a smaller fandom than lyon mississippi and that is a whole other level of small. in fact, there's pretty much no fandom, yeah, literally no fandom. at all.

the only way i could watch it was through uploads on dailymotion (and very recently this dude on youtube has every episode uploaded atm but i can't see that lasting before 2020). no legal way i could watch the show because it also didn't come to the USA and i am so pissed about that :(

the most further west the show went was brazil and latin america in july 2018 but no new countries since...did they think americans couldn't handle how authentically scandinavian it was??? did they think we were too stupid to differentiate it from gumball??? i swear we've been screwed over time and time and time and time again by companies becuase they thought we were too stupid for more mind challenging and different stuff.

i mean look at the ico box art for US vs. EU and japan. yikes.

i'm also crazy for these backgrounds.

the thing that both CNSE shows have most in common is the mixed media animation style. however, while TAWOG just took pictures and used those as references for 3d rendered backgrounds, ivandoe literally had WHOLE SETS built specifically for certain episodes, with real tree bark used for trees and just- AAGH ITS SO BEAUTIFUL. i could understand why it's not a full series because the backgrounds themselves had so much work put into them. if they picked it up for a full series then they might've had to take the TAWOG route and make the backgrounds 3D.

after the first 10 episodes came out and europe had a huge ivandoe party in the beginning of 2018, it's as if the show just fizzled out of existence. no news, no nothing. to my knowledge, the only thing CNSE is working on at the moment is eliott from earth. but i would love to see some new ivandoe related-content, that could possibly come to the US and expand the fandom a little. even though i love TAWOG much more, i really feel like i'm the only one still thinking about this show and wishing more people talked about it. i've heard that the show just now in 2019 came to the philippines, so it still has potential to come over here (lmao just watch us be like the last country in the world for ivandoe to get to). this show had so much potential...

i'm also gonna post this on other outlets so people can see it. i don't want this show to forever be overlooked like this.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[purplesurveys]

454

When was the last time you…

slept?: Late this afternoon; like around 3-5:30 PM. I did nothing but nap all day and it feels goooooodddd.

went to the beach?: March this year.

ate?: Before I took my last nap. I had rice and fried chicken.

drank alcohol?: Last Saturday in my org’s induction rites. I wasn’t knocked out, for a change hahaha. Gabie came over so I didn’t want her to just spend time there to take care of me.

done a drug?: Never.

called someone?: Yesterday.

got a call?: 1 in the morning last night.

drove?: Yesterday evening. My internship company had an outside event and they tagged me along for it, but it ended soooooo late that I ended up driving out super late even though I was already so sleepy :(

studied?: Roughly a month ago, when my semester ended.

sang?: I remember singing to myself while my girlfriend was on the line last night.

took a shower/bath?: Yesterday morning.

danced in your underwear?: I don’t think I’ve ever done this..

played a sport?: July or August 2018, when there was a table tennis area free for use in the resort we want to in one of our family trips.

went to the bathroom?: 20 minutes ago.

kissed someone?: Oh man, it was probably like 2 weeks ago. I’ve seen my girlriend a few times since then, but just haven’t had the chance to kiss her.

hugged someone?: Monday, when Gab picked me up from internship.

been on a date?: Monday.

had sex?: Last last last Tuesday.

been sick?: I have a cold and sore throat coming on because apparently, when I first came into my internship, it was in the middle of when everyone was catching a virus in the office. I turned out to be next. partied?: Start of May.

Wedding?: 2007. For some reason my parents’ friends just don’t invite us kids to their weddings.

What was the last…

show you watched?: Friends.

movie you went to?: Not a fan of going to the cinema. It was probably Rainbow’s Sunset but I went to watch it all the way back in January.

song you listened to?: I forgot but it was something on Lemonade.

C.D. you played all the way through?: Lemonade, on my drive home last night.

website you went on?: This one.

thing you ate?: Rice and fried chicken from Jollibee.

alcoholic beverage you drank?: Soju + yakult, c/o Gab’s mix.

sport you played?: Table tennis, when we chanced upon said table tennis area in a family trip.

drug you did?: None.

thing you read?: This question. If that doesn’t count, my Facebook news feed.

thing you said?: "Okay.”

song you sang?: Hahahaha welp I suddenly thought of Hit Me Baby One More Time while on call with my girlfriend last night so I sang the chorus.

fast food restaurant you ate at?: Holy smokes, I don’t actually remember. I don’t eat in fast food chains anymore but we’ll often have food delivered. The last fast food I ate was Jollibee.

place you’ve been?: I was in Ascott Makati for that PR event I was talking about. It was a fancyish evening social party for one of their clients.

item of clothing you put on?: Shorts.

item of clothing you took off?: My pants from last night.

time you went to church?: Last Sunday, ugh.

prayer you made?:

thing you touched?: My phone. Put it down before taking this survey.

party you’ve been to?: It was a sem-ender party hosted by one of the orgs from my college.

Who was the last person you…

kissed?: My girlfriend.

hugged?: Also my girlfriend.

screwed?: See above.

called?: One of the national newspapers; it’s part of my job as an intern. We have another event coming up and they tasked me to call up the different national papers to confirm their attendance, since we sent out invites to all of them.

trusted?: I dunno, but I always trust Gab.

loved?: Same person.

had fun with?: My boss, supervisor, and a couple of my colleagues from last night’s event.

befriended?: I’ve had the same set of friends for a while.

became enemies with?: I don’t really like to waste my time like that.

touched?: ???? Like sexually? Gab.

wanted?: Most of these questions mean the same thing lmao it’s Gab again.

smiled at?: Probs Edi.

Where was the last…

place you went to?: Before I went home, I was in Ascott Makati.

store you shopped at?: I don’t.

pool you swam in?: In the resort we booked last Saturday.

beach you went to?: Somewhere in Cagraray, Albay.

place you went to the bathroom at?: Laurice’s, when I took a bath there last Wednesday.

show you saw?: I don’t know what this question means. I watched it at home, but it’s set in New York and I watched it on Netflix.

place you were happy at?: The resort I mentioned earlier and just hanging out with my friends there.

concert you went to?: I saw Paramore in the MOA Arena.

place you kissed?: My room.

fight you got into?: It was a fight on text, so I can’t really answer this with a ‘where.’

sleepover you went to?: It was in Laurice’s house in Laguna.

party you got wasted at?: 20:20 in Makati.

How was the last…

breath you took?: Tiring.

conversation you had?: It was chill. I just asked my cousin for a favor earlier tonight and he’s a really chill person in general, so.

sandwich you ate?: Really good! It had lots of mayo so I’m a happy camper.

crap you took?: Fine :/

sex you had?: Great.

nap you took?: Uncomfortable, sweaty, sticky. I HATE SUMMER

kiss you had?: It’s been a while, but it was short and sweet.

thing you watched?: Hilarious.

sound you listened to?: I dunno, I don’t really think anything of the electric fan whirring.

band you saw?: Best. Band. In. The. World.

party you went to?: Hectic, crowded, loads of fun.

survey you took?: Alright, but I’m tired now.

[lia-nikiforov]

Winter 2018 Anime Final Review

Why yes, pretty much all the Spring premieres are done (don’t even remind me haha I’m so far behind) and this is horribly late, I had a busy couple of weeks ;---; and am still struggling to catch up, but here’s my final rundown of this long slow winter! Worst to best, as always.

Dropped

Basilisk Ouka Ninpou Chou: Although I’d said I’d keep watching for the Nobunaga twist, given the onslaught of new stuff for Spring, it’s unsustainable to keep watching something so mediocre I don’t even find anything to say about it. Also Nobunaga hasn’t been mentioned in three episodes.

DUMPSTER FIRE

Darling in the Franxx: So we’re halfway through the show and still feels nothing of importance has happened, except we learned “lesbians are not viable, what a relief” and also KOKORO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE BABIES. The whole Kokoro business is very unsavory because on the one hand the writing is a dick to Walking Fat Joke Futoshi, but on the other hand Futoshi is an entitled Nice Guy who acts like Kokoro has some obligation to return his feelings, so basically everyone sucks lmao. Btw, does anyone know what happened with episode 13? I went to watch it but what I got instead was a Deadman Wonderland episode, complete with the story of Palurdo meeting Lab Experiment-turned-Beast Waifu as children and making a promise that would subsequently be forgotten until they meet again in their teenage years. Jesus, does Womenz are Beastz: The Anime have a single original idea?

How am I supposed to measure my own disinterest and contempt

This basically means I didn’t care for these shows. I don’t hate them but I was aggressively unengaged in them and I can’t really rank them from worst to best because that would imply me having any measurable emotional reaction to them

Violet Evergarden: I don’t think I have much to add about this one that I haven’t said before. Tryhard Sad Anime Girl stories rehashing old clichés with little novelty to them,  with a bonus of a super poorly explained and thought out child super soldier tragic backstory that still has me ?????? The final episode has the addendum of trying to redeem That One Asshole in a “he treats her bad because he’s sad about his brother dying sob sob sob he’s totally not a jerk” and i was very annoyed by that.

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni: It’s complicated to talk about this show. I really liked the first episode, hated the 4-6, then was mostly bored by the rest of it. The whole romance angle was completely dropped in the latter half, but I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing given how tastelessly it was being handled in some moments, or a bad one given how bland everything else was. It felt like Akira’s crush on Kondo turned out to be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also felt like Akira was profoundly underdeveloped, and it bothered me because Kondo was developed properly. His character felt more fully realized than hers. Like idk, I just cared so little for the last few episodes and it didn’t feel like Akira’s emotional progression was very connected with the first half of the show. 

Fate/Extra Last Encore: I don’t even have a screenshot. Apparently the reason the show started so late into the season is that it took a long time to produce, and apparently there are two more episodes that will be released at some point in July. But really, what matters is that I have no idea of what this show was trying to accomplish. The characters were a bunch of pieces of cardboard spouting pseudo nihilistic philosophical nonsense and I don’t even know how to describe the plot. It was generic in its Boss of the Week approach but the execution was often very flat. Definitely none of the fun from Apocrypha’s cool characters was to be had in this iteration of the franchise.

Too much iyashikei

This season we had too much iyashikei and I’m burned out. Here are the ones I didn’t hate but also wasn’t super in love with.

Miira no Kaikata: I think this show would’ve worked better as 3-minute vignettes. 20 minutes of it was a bit too much and I struggled to pay attention. I also felt the dragon and MukuMuku had very tangential roles. I don’t have a whole lot to say. It’s cute, if cute is your jam this show is for you. Connie is best smol monster.

Hakumei to Mikochi: Another cute show that gains extra points for its somewhat unique setting, beautiful color palette and picture book aesthetic and because the two main girls are great characters. I particularly liked the first and last episodes. It’s a relaxing, fun little show

Sanrio Danshi: The harbinger of feminism made into a toy commercial, while not quite iyashikei, is still a slice of life that just occassionally indulged in too much melodrama. It was nonetheless a fun little thing that managed to turn cynical consumerism into a positive message for boys: it’s okay to like non-traditionally-masculine things. One of the details I liked most was that none of the boys had to give up on their previous groups of friends even after “coming out”, Kouta’s friends and Shuu’s team were supportive of them and even participated in their dumbass musical play. Some may even read this show as a not-so-subtle allegory on homosexuality and while I don’t think this was Sanrio’s intent (their intent is to broaden their market, plain and simple) the fact that it works so well with that reading is honestly great. I had very minimal expectations for this show and I’m happy it turned out better than those.

Classicaloid 2: Classicaloid isn’t quite iyashikei either but it fits in the “didn’t love it, didn’t hate it” category. I’m a huge fan of season one, but unfortunately a big part of S2 failed to capture the magic. I think most of it was restored in the second cour, specially with brilliant episodes such as the one where Dovo-chan becomes a super-realistic painting of himself, and the last three episodes really captured what made Classicaloid great. I’ve really come to love this cast, so I wouldn’t complain if we got more seasons (please do Vivaldi!!!)

Shonen is a Good Genre, Actually

Shonen as a genre/demographic is much reviled for its repetitive clichés and childish stories, but I think we live at a time in which we can have well-executed shonen anime that, although falling for the same old clichés, have enough heart and sincerity that makes them enjoyable. This part also isn’t necessarily ranked, since my favorite one will change depending on which day you ask me

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: As I have mentioned before, this second season seems to be the polar opposite of the first one’s rapid pace. It’s been a while since I read the manga, but I feel like it took a lot less to get to the mid-season cutoff point there than this anime would lead you to believe, especially the training part felt excruciatingly long. NanaTai has other various flaws including its 1000% not funny harrassment jokes and the dumb introduction of quantified “power levels” (why Suzuki), but characters like Diane, King and Ban give the show a unique flavor. And I’m not even gonna pretend to be unbiased, I just love everything involving Ban, even the weird and questionable choice of bringing Elaine back. I’m excited that we’re finally approaching Escanor’s arrival.

Yowapeda Glory Road: I also forgot to grab a screenshot lmao. Yowapeda is a very particular beast, and with its episode count already in the hundreds, it’s not something I’d reccommend unless you’re super into dragged out ridiculous sports anime. This second season of Onoda’s second year has not been without its flaws either, starting with the, imho absurd persistence in making Sohoku look like underdogs even though they’re reigning champions. It’s made a lot of the first two days of the Interhigh feel a lot grimmer than this cheerful show ought to. Kaburagi is still an insufferable character, and the fact that he drags the team down doesn’t help him either, and I just wish the writers would let Best Boy Teshima win anything. I hope the second day ends on a lighter note, because the gloom and doom is making this a less enjoyable watch than it should be

Mahoutsukai no Yome: I feel a little better about this one knowing the final was anime-original, but at the same time I’m beyond livid with how it was wrapped up. I loved the second half of the series because of how well-written and emotional Chise’s growth was, and everything up to her embracing of Cartaphilus’s curse was a beautiful display of her strength and will to live. What I’m not here for is that asspull wedding whatever that makes no sense in the context of the previous events, especially because after the fact, Elias’s attempt to kill Stella is swept under the rug. This could’ve been my favorite show of the season without that bullshit ending and while I don’t regret watching it, it leaves me with a sad feeling of what could have been

Best of the season

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens: It had a slow start, but with its endearing cast and well-developed character relationships, HTR won me over, especially the last quarter. The animation was veeery barebones, but Lin and Bamba’s charisma and their organically developed relationship carried the show to be one of the most enjoyable of the season. I also really appreciate the fact that the series includes a gay couple with an adopted daughter and that Lin’s crossdressing is never used as a joke or treated as a character flaw or a “phase”. I love stories about found families and I’d love to see more of this gang fighting crime and doing shady business in their city of assassins.

Garo: Vanishing Line: This iteration of Garo had a somewhat slow start, but boy did it pick up steam in the second half. The action was great -the final fight against King had some incredible stylistic choices, the characters’ journeys felt complete and very human and the story was interesting and different enough from other Garo to not feel repetitive, yet with enough Garoisms that made it feel connected to everything else. Like I said, I love stories about found families, so the way Sophie found a home with Gina, Luke and Sword by the end was very touching. Watching Sophie’s journey has been a treat, and I’m immensely happy that this wasn’t a Guren no Tsuki disaster, but was more in line with the excellence of Honoo no Kokuin.

Gakuen Babysitters: This was the huge surprise of the season for me, I almost expected it to be pretty dull. Instead it turned out to be super cute and extremely heartwarming. It had a couple of duds here and there, mostly the not-actually-a-pedophile joke character and the early love triangle skits, but the former disappeared and the latter was vastly improved in the second half of the show. I wish Ryuichi’s grief had been dealt with a bit more, but I think what they did show was very well executed and empathetic. And the portrayal of the kids felt very realistic, including both children’s most adorable and most obnoxious behaviors. KIRIN IS BEST GIRL

Card Captor Sakura Clear Card arc: I have expressed some complaints and dissatisfactions with this sequel all through the season. Mostly in regards to the new cards and how the old ones seem to have been forgotten (also the lazy designs of the new cards). In spite of that, Sakura hasn’t lost any of its heart in these 20 years, the characters are still the kids we grew up with. It is an overwhelmingly cheerful and positive show, from Sakura and Syaoran’s shyly developing relationship, to the hopefulness of Sakura’s magic and just the simple day to day life of Sakura and her friends. In spite of all its flaws, Sakura is still my favorite show of the season and I’m happy we get to spend one more season with these characters. Just please give me more Yue??? 

Ooooof, finally I’m done with this! PLEASE LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THE 20+ SHOWS I’M SAMPLING FOR SPRING AHAHAHAHA. There’s too much anime. Anime must be stopped, immediately. Don’t hesitate to send me your thoughts about the winter season, even if it seems I’m losing my mind a little Dx TOO MUCH ANIME

[tim-hoe-wan]

Saw this in another blog, do you agree or know if anon is telling the truth?

Per my insider Kim and Pete broke up early or mid July and Hulu wanted them to stay together to finish off the second season of their show and now they may have to sub in Kanye. Which I don’t know if you noticed but Kim’s been promoting Yeezy lately ( which I hope Kanye stays away for his health bc Kim is determined to eat him alive/destroy him) Basically, Kim and Pete were a front and they used it to get back at people like Kim hates not being the center of attention and she just wanted to get back at Kourtney like to make her jealous/steal her thunder, She does not care for Kourtney at all! Remember when Kim called her boring and Kourtney proved her wrong… this is where it all stemmed from. Kim jumped through hoops making people believe Kete was real. Kim is a terribly insecure, shitty person and I don’t know how she keeps her following because it’s easy to see though her and her fake ness. And Pete well he really wanted to piss off Arianna Grande because there’s bad blood there.

Lol this anon looks like she just really hates Kim and wants to have more reason for people to think Kim is horrible, as if Kim hasn't done that enough.

You can tell by the way this anon is making Kanye a victim here as if that man didn't:

Humiliate his own wife and children

Refuses to take medication even though every hollywood source can tell you Kim herself has been begging him

That Kanye himself used Kim for his own promotion, hello? Donda? Everyone forgot about that

Kim has shares in Yeezy. She's money hungry, of course she'll promote her own brand

Kanye and the KarJenners were mutually horrible and used each other. But it's weird making Kanye a victim here when he's also been doing lots of pr and was the first to date around. Also weird why Yeezy deal would be such a big thing but apparently the Donda appearance with Kanye using Kim for promo too wasn't?

Anyway, I don't know why this anon had to invent all these reasons for Kete. You don't even need to know inside sources to tell you what happened, but even then they'll tell you the same thing.

Kim and Kanye broke up. Kanye has gone through several rebounds before Kim even dated Pete.

Kim hosted SNL, here and Pete trended cause of the Aladdin sketch.

Publicist saw gold and these two are single and fame whores

Pete appeared on KUWTK and the relationship ran its course. Kim has too many ventures to play chase the bf while Pete needs to be away.

Kim is horrible to Kourtney and vice versa. But really? You guys think Kourtney and Travis made the headline big enough to outshine the only 3 relevant KarJenners?

Pete and Ariana do have bad blood. But people I know who worked for them have said Kate Beckinsale was the pisser. He dated a lot of women publicly way after Ariana.

I hate I'm in a way defending Kim, but that anon is very obviously lying and just really really hates Kim. The woman is vile on her own, no need to make up stories about it lmao.

[sierrabinondo]

summer tour days 10 + 11, post-tour thoughts

wow it literally took me over a month to get this entry up, sorry haha. santino roasted me for this several weeks ago and it still took me this long. i’ve been chronically bummed out for what seems like a month now, so it was hard to muster up the will to write. period, actually. it’s been really hard for me to write music lately i literally have to push myself and i find no joy in the things i love anymore!

anyways, here’s the last 2-3 days of our tour! 

day 10 - philadelphia

sunlight peered in through the glass sliding door behind me as i woke up around 8:00 am in a living room with 8 other people, packed tightly across deflated sleeping bags and worn-in couches. i felt tired, but i was up already. i knew that if i didn’t get up and shower now, i was going to be waiting for five other people to shower before me. 

everyone took a few hours to get ready before we decided to head out to breakfast together, including jorge. we had a lovely lil family breakfast at this nice cafe about 10 minutes from jorge’s house. it was a small spot overlooking the valley that had an expansive coffee and espresso drink menu. i got a cappuccino that had some FUN art in it and a Very Disappointing Eggs Benedict. I was a dumbass and asked for the florentine benedict with lox added, instead of asking for the lox benedict with spinach added, which would have cost me significantly less hahaha. 

look at how small this bullshit is

sitting at a table with my bandmates and julie, we agreed that despite how long we had been on the road that we felt like we could keep going. i could tell everyone felt drained, but content. it’s like we all knew we were enjoying the last moments of freedom away from our boring lives back home and were cherishing each other’s company. 

after paying our checks we said our goodbyes to jorge and piled into the van. we had a much shorter drive due to staying in state college, but still hit some traffic approaching philly. not a surprise. it was also weird arriving philly from the west and not coming over the ben franklin bridge, haha. as we drove towards south street we admired the sight of the chinese lantern festival, which we sadly wouldn’t have time for. as opposed to missing DGD’s tour, i was sure i’d live vicariously through photos of it from my friend’s back home and didn’t feel too bad.

i completely forgot that south street is one of the busiest streets in philly and is mere minutes away from TLA. i realized i had been here before and felt my blood pressure rise realizing parking would be impossible. however, behind the venue we found a shoddy dirt parking lot. skeptical of whether or not this was a good idea, we approached the lot attendant and asked if it was okay to park, explaining that we needed a clear space behind us for opening the trunk to get gear out. the attendant obliged to our request, or so we thought.

i’m not gonna lie, i had NEVER heard of the tusk before we played there and it was actually a cool spot. the staff were cool and it was much more spacious than the pictures led me to believe. loading in up a couple flights of stairs was just the worst part. we played with our friends in copley woods which was great, and played with another philly local old city revival. another touring band also hopped on last minute. our set was purely okay??? we all agreed it wasn’t my best set but whatever i had fun and people still dug us so that was fine. jaime and santino had to be like lined up behind one another with their amps and then joe got one whole side to himself hahaha. 

photo credit: julie yi photography

i’m going a little out of order; i’m pretty positive this actually happened before our set. but out of nowhere i’m in the upper level of the venue by the stage and merch when julie texts the tour group chat BUGGING saying “HELP COME DOWNSTAIRS WE’RE GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE LOT”. so both bands run downstairs to scope out the situation, anticipating hell in the form of trying to find a new parking spot by south street in philly. what happened was, the lot attendant parked a vehicle behind ours, and when confronted about his promise that he made, he threatened to kick us out of the lot. however, jaime somehow magically de-escalated the situation somehow so the attendant agreed to move the car and everything was fine hahaha. 

the night was wonderful because santino’s dad came out and we hung out with some real cool people, the only downer was we had to stay later than anticipated because the promoter added that fifth band/touring band on the end, AND, the touring band were the only people who listened to the promoter and played a long set. yeah, the promoter wanted us all to play for 45 minutes but all of us were like, fuck that. but this band ACTUALLY had that much material so they played FOR AN HOUR. ALL of us stayed and we watched them, but we were so fucking tired and we just wanted to go home. we stayed because we understood the importance of supporting other bands, and these people were out here all the way from denver, colorado. but we were so done. and on this night we were staying at my house in brick so we were only an hour and forty five minutes away from a comfortable sleep. AND, my boyfriend was going to be coming over late too so i was just dying to get home. 

after loading out, a taco bell trip and a relatively short drive, we made it to my house around 1:00 am. and jeremiah still waited up and drove over for me uuugh :’)

day 11 - wallingford, ct

god, waking up to my boyfriend and fresh homemade breakfast by my parents was so, so good after being away for so long. it felt pretty strange to be home, and so briefly, but it was so good.  we sadly couldn’t stick around for long after eating breakfast, as we had our van drop-off scheduled for 1:00 PM before our last show of tour in connecticut.

we have shindle drive us up to jaime’s house for one last drive in the van. it’s always sad when you’re in the van for the last day and you know your grand adventure is soon coming to an end. it rained as we drove up parkway north and shindle weaved in and out of shitty new jersey traffic. i definitely did not miss the parkway while i was gone.

shindle wanted to run home quickly to shower and change at home (understandably), so not soon after we unload all of his belongings he takes off. it sucked so badly unloading the van in the rain but what could you do. we started plotting where we were going to get a bite to eat after jaime, julie and i dropped off the van. 

i look around at my bandmates and i go, “okay, who has the key?”

everyone stares blankly at each other.

joe goes, “uhhh, i think shindle gave it back to santino?”

santino looks back at us and goes “... i don’t have it.”

we tear apart our bags and turn our pockets inside out. search the interior of the van hoping it was left in the dash or on the floor by accident.

the drop off time for the van is 1:00 PM. it’s 12:15 PM. 

and we realize that, shindle still has the key. 

shindle’s phone died from the fifteen times i called him. he had left his phone on silent and didn’t look at it while he was driving back to little falls (who would). i had to call bandago and add another day to our rental. it sucked so badly. i was so frustrated that i started crying and jaime’s mom had to console me hahaha. i had to come to terms with the fact that there was literally nothing i could do. we weren’t going to get the key back until we saw shindle later. so i took a deep breath, put myself back together and we just left for the show anyways. 

photo credit: julie yi photography

we arrived to wallingford, CT around like, 5:30, maybe 5:50 PM. i felt my throat acting up again. in fact, it started to feel shitty a day prior but i was praying that i could still pull off a good set later that night. julie walked with me from the venue to get throat coat from CVS and hot water from mcdonalds. i couldn’t really go on voice rest; i had to just drink a lot of fluids, warm up as well as i could and hope for the best. cherry street is a small venue/dive kinda place, but i actually really liked it. anthony told me a lot of people have complained about the sound there but we actually had a really easy time. but there were two people doing sound, one was scotty the venue’s regular and then there was a guy named will who ran the board for our set. will was great. scotty was just really nice too haha. 

our friends migrant played the show as well as the band visitations. it was really great to see the guys in migrant again; we’ve been playing shows with them since 2016. we both played our first-ever studio at webster show together opening for sianvar before AEG shut all of webster down. because it was such a memorable night and they’re such a great band, we’ve kept in touch since then. visitations were also really awesome; i tried to watch as much as i could in between warm ups. i feel bad that i have to disappear to warm up while bands i’ve never gigged with before play, but i have to. 

well it turns out, it was pointless anyways!

yeah, wasn’t fond of the set i played at all. and the sound wasn’t bad either. it was just me. i was really upset. this was our chance to win over people in a state we could easily travel up to and play whenever, and it felt so embarrassing to be up on stage and watch these people hear me blow it haha. its like nails on a chalkboard for me when i hear my mistakes. even if i know what i’m doing sometimes i just blow it anyways. chris knew i was upset too because he just patted me on the shoulder as i slumped off stage like “it’s okay just go do your cool-downs” HAHAHA. but apparently i did something right because scott, *the* sound guy everyone knows at cherry street, bought me a shot LMAO. and some other people from CT chatted us up too, and they bought our merch (and also bought me more drinks). maybe we did do something right for these people to still approach us and have nice things to say. but i still felt like they were being way too nice to me. i still feel like people lie to me. all of the time. 

it was so awesome to watch destination dimension play to their hometown, as we were all surrounded by friends of theirs who were shouting the words to future cougar with us. it was so much fun to watch them play. and it was really nice of them to wear our t-shirts on stage haha. i didn’t wear mine but i bought the gray one which i loveee and is so comfy. we didn’t get to hang long after the show ended with them which sucked sooo badly because almost everyone had work the next day. i had the next day off but not everyone was so lucky. we loved touring with destination dimension so so much. it was nice to tour with a band in the same genre. we had such a happy time and we couldn’t wait for the next time we’d all get to see each other. 

photo credit: julie yi photography

it’s always so weird, the last day of tour. in the middle of tour, it feels like you’re living in this dreamscape where calendar days barely exist and your only job is to show up, play and then do it all over again the next day. that night, it felt like it all barely even happened. all of tour was already becoming a faint memory. i’d look back at photos and only barely remember what it was like to feel that joy again. and i dreaded how distant every adventure we shared together was about to become. 

epilogue

my alarm went off at 9:00 am. i hear sounds of jaime’s dad walking around the kitchen and in minutes time julie wakes up next to me. i lay there for a bit before texting jaime, “you up?” he comes downstairs, i throw my shoes on and my hair up in a ponytail and we go drop off the van. 

it feels like tour is over but i’m still with my friends so i feel okay. julie and i grab our belongings from jaime’s house, say goodbye and return for our drive home together. we talk about tour and how fast it flew by. i’m sort of in a rush to get home in time for E3, so julie is kind to oblige and we get her stuff out of my car expediently when we pull up to her house. 

i say goodbye to julie and joel, get back into my car and instantly feel my face muscles sink. the rest of the day just sucked. 

i’m driving myself home feeling sleepy and don’t even realize it. i run a stop sign and nearly get t-boned by some poor person who didn’t just spend 11 days on 4-5 hours of sleep. 

i finally arrive at jeremiah’s apartment in asbury and go to pick up the coffee i bought for my boyfriend, only to realize the ENTIRE cup spilled out everywhere all over the seat. 

jeremiah meets me downstairs to help me bring my bags up. there’s just so, so much shit. a heavy bag of clothes, souvenirs, non-perishable food i never ate. i’m happy to see him; i’m happy for a little bit. we place an order for delivery at our favorite taco place, and i’m joking about post-tour depression as i walk out the door to go buy beer downtown real quick. already drinking at 1:30 pm! post-tour depression, is it a thing? probably not. there’s probably nothing wrong with me. 

i check my work email and the dread floods in, full force. i did promise that i’d work from home, and i did, but there weren’t a lot of time sensitive matters. i took care of some youtube community engagement, checked stats on videos uploaded while i was gone, checked the socials throughout the day. 

i’m home in time for the next E3 conference but i’m not even paying attention. my work laptop sits in front of me, screen glaring back at me as i’m not even using it. i’m on the couch looking out the window and seconds later tears are pouring down my face. seemingly, with no rhyme or reason. 

well the crying thing happens like every 3-5 days lmao

but it just, didn’t stop. at one point i turn to jeremiah sobbing hysterically and he just holds me. like a broken record all i could say was “i hate that i have to go back to work tomorrow, i loathe that tour is over and this is just it, no more for the year. i have to wait until next year to go out again.” 

and to be transparent, this is sort of the melancholy that has sat with me ever since that day. i wake up five days a week and drive the longest hour and five minutes of my life to work, and back home again in an hour and twenty, sometimes thirty, sometimes forty. 

for my entire adulthood (let’s say like going back to age 18), i’ve dreaded my mid-20s. because my parents would warn me “you need a full-time job by the time you turn 26. you’re going to have to worry about health insurance. we’re going to turn over your bills to you.” so since then, my entire experience of living has been haunted by this death clock ticking down to year 26 of my life. so at 18, i said that by age 22 i needed to be somewhere with my music or i needed to give it up. completely. 

hah.

the first few years of my 20′s i coasted. my band broke up so there went my shot at playing shows until i found something new. without delving into too much detail- for three years i dated someone and because i wasn’t happy i lost a lot of time. i finally recorded music again towards the end of that relationship. when i left that person at age 22 it felt like an entire world opened up to me. an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders and i was free. i was starting over, in the best way possible. and then mere weeks after, something serendipitous happened- a friend i met because of that relationship approached me, offering to fill-in for drums for me so that i could play shows. 

i was now 23. we were way past the cut-off date for me to be pursuing music seriously. but i couldn’t say no. and now here we are. 

i stayed at my dead-end, incredibly far-from-home job for too long and now i’m finding difficulty finding something closer to home. i almost had a job a few times but i got scared of losing the ability to tour due to the nature of each company, so i idiotically turned those opportunities down. it seems like, to get signed to a label, you have to be both churning out digital content AND actively touring. if we could get a booking agent and/or signed to a great label i would quit my job immediately and work at a coffee shop. i just can’t swing an intense touring schedule if i get a serious full-time job in marketing. i just want to see how far i can take this band. yet, i may be screwing my future after the band if i don’t settle for a better job than just starbucks. but i don’t want to settle, at all. i’ve been panicking about this for a year now and recently my stress has become paramount, ruining every other day for me. when i sit down to practice and feel like i’ve barely accomplished anything in that practice session, i break down. because i feel like i’m running out of time. always. i have a finite amount of time and i’m running out. 

so if you haven’t seen me lately, that’s probably why. i feel guilty for going out and spending time with friends because i feel like it’s time i could be spending on music. and i work day in and day out on my singing, guitar playing, writing, learning new tools for my craft, maybe i’ll go to kickboxing or the gym so that i stay in shape... and that’s it. and it’s crushing me. managing the band takes the fun out of everything too. i’ve become such an irritable person. i hate it. i feel like i’m not myself anymore. but i don’t think the problem is music. i don’t hate music- i hate this pressure to have every facet of my life fit perfectly together. i hate not having the freedom to only worry about music. being in a serious/active band is time-consuming. i realize i can’t have it all- the stable job with money and benefits and the life of a musician- but the pressures i’ve faced my entire life to settle for security have been making me lose my mind. 

i hope that something good happens next year. i hope that something good happens sooner than that. i’m pretty sure this is how i wrapped the last tour journal too. but this has been my entire life- praying that things will just work out and that something good will happen. a year from now when i look back, i hope that i can regret any worry i’ve ever had. but if i find myself looking back in regret, no longer able to tour/pursue music seriously, i’m just grateful it all happened. 

[kathrynmjaneway]

Meeting Naoko & Kai at Time Lash III

So! The thing you may or may not have waited for! Just one thing beforehand – this is really, really personal and emotional for me, and I want to share this with you guys, but I’m asking you to please not reblog this. Thank you :)

Anyway! It’s been almost three week since Julia and I went to Time Lash and met Naoko Mori, Kai Owen and Scott Handcock (& a bunch of the DW cast, but personally, I was there for Torchwood). This is about my experience at Time Lash, but mostly about how I met Naoko and Kai (ok….. mostly about Naoko and the three hugs I got from her). This post is really incredibly personal, but I just had the best experience I could wish for, meeting them, especially Naoko, means the world to me – I’m explaining why in the post. What I experienced really shows why Torchwood, the actors and the fandom are so great and why it’s the best group of people. I just feel like everyone should know this and a reason why …. :’)

(I’m sorry there will be a lot of rambling…. I wrote this down over the course of a couple of days, because I’m so emotional over this. It’s also really kinda long, soooo *shrugs*)

We got up at around 6am on Sunday and arrived at the convention at 8am to be there when the convention opened.  We didn’t have to wait for long to be let in and get out convention bracelet thingy. The convention was really tiny and super cute! I think I heard something about there being only around 800 visitors during the weekend – which made so different than the conventions I went to before, and I loved it! We decided to spent the first hour or so in the main room and listen to the presentations there (which were both really interesting) and after that we went to check out the dealer’s room and where the actors would sit to give autographs (they had a Big Finish booth and we caused a bit of a havoc because they [german sellers] tried to sell us Aliens Among Us pt 1 & 2 and we said we already had those, but they insisted that they’d only officially come out in December – which is kinda true, if you want to get them from somewhere else besides the BF website, but they apparently didn’t know that haha).

So we just went back downstairs (yk, where the autograph room and the panel room was) and we’re standing on the stairs, not really knowing where to go, because none of the actors had arrived yet, and then SUDDENLY Naoko walked by.

I may have died a little. (She’s so beautiful?? And I think she smiled at me?? I wasn’t prepared??)

So that was that. (!!!!)

Fast forward a bit, about half an hour or so (because I think she had a meet and greet, so she didn’t go to the autographs immediately, and in the meantime I spent the first bit of my money on a Tosh action figure) (who would have thought), and we go check the autograph room again and there she was! Naoko was sitting at her table and giving autographs! There was a tiny queue, so we got in line for that, and I suddenly became really nervous??? Because I was NOT PREPARED AT ALL. You would have thought that I had thought about what I wanted to say to her, because this is a big deal, right? But nope, nothing. I was just so incredibly nervous.

What really kind of helped was that in front of us was this couple with their son, who was maybe 2 years old? And he was dressed as a mini Jack Harkness??? And my heart melted??? It was sooooo cute! (And Naoko loved it as well and even took a photo of them, and I’m probably lurking somewhere in that photo lmao). And during all that Kai Owen arrived as well and sat down on his table right next to Naoko and aah, Kai Owen was there!!! They greeted each other really cute :’) I can’t even really remember what they did, but I think Kai was teasing Naoko in some way idk? (I was a bit overwhelmed tbh)

Anyway! It then was suddenly my turn and I still had no idea what to say or do! I had Torchwood: Cascade with me to let her sign it and was sort of really holding on to it (boy, I was shaking), and Naoko was still kinda looking after the tiny Jack and then looked at me and went “Isn’t he cute?!” and I replied that he was, sort of, yk, going “!!!!!!!!” because I was talking to and standing across from Naoko Mori?!?!

And then she went and greeted me (“Hi!”) and she shook my hand (!!!) which was kinda awkward because I was so nervous and I was holding the CD case in one hand and the leaflet thing (that I wanted to get signed) in the other hand and I think she noticed how nervous I was. I think, she asked me how I was, but I didn’t quite catch it and was just sort of stuttering a “Hello!” and then she stood up and went “Aw, let’s hug!” and that’s what we did! (it was really really really nice) (holy shit)

She then asked again how I was, and I think I rambled a bit and said something like “Really good, now!” (and this was the moment where I really realized how nervous I was, because I know from past conventions that I tend to be nervous before I meet them, then am kinda cool and chill while I talk to them, as I’m running on adrenaline, and only afterwards really flipping my shit and starting to shake. I’ve only been nervous like this once before and that was when I met John Barrowman a few months ago – more on that as I go along with this)

I think I dropped my CD case or something when I tried to hand her the leaflet to sign?? (can you believe? Aaah) (awkward) (she was so kind)

And this is the point where I started rambling and as I said before, I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted to say, right? I had nothing. When I met John Barrowman back in July, I was on a mission. I knew what I wanted to tell him, I had planned for that moment since he was announced as a star guest five months or so before. That had been the moment for me [you probably know if you’ve been following me for a while. The prospect of meeting him gave me the reason and the confidence to come out, he was the first person I actually talked to and came out to in person (after I had only made a post about coming out the night before here on tumblr)], so of course I had been a nervous mess and cried, but I knew what I wanted to say, right?

Anyway – I start saying the first thing that came to my mind: what a great character Tosh is and how much I love her. And it just went from there and I found myself talking about how I haven’t been in the fandom that long and how Tosh is really important to me and that it’s because it means so much to see Tosh as a canon bisexual character, because it helped me coming to terms with my own bisexuality and coming out to some of my friends.

At this point I’m shaking and started to cry (which as I said, I kind of expected to happened when I met John, but didn’t think it would happen AGAIN) and Naoko then held out her hand and took my hand and held it. THE WHOLE TIME.

She asked about how my friends reacted, so I told her about it and how John was kind of the first person I came out to in person and that right afterwards I came out to my friends that I was at ComicCon with (ily guys ♥) and how nice and great they were about it.

She then asked really kindly if I had come out to my parents yet (I haven’t) and she was so nice and encouraging to me, that it’s alright and that it’s one step at a time.

AND AT THAT POINT I’m about 90% sure???? I got another hug from her (I honestly can’t tell for sure, even in the voice memo I made like 10 min after this all happened for some friends I already wasn’t sure anymore, I WAS A MESS) and I think before that? Or after? She and her assistant were searching for some tissues for me. I honestly forgot most about what happened in these few minutes because I was (still am) an emotional mess about this all :’)

But I remember her saying almost the same as John did back at ComicCon. “Those are happy tears, right?” (my answer was a very shaky yes, what a déjà vu)

And now she said some really beautiful things and this is the another reason why I really wanted to share this: She talked about how she and the others love “Torch” and that doing these events, because she feels like they and the fans “have this connection, you know?” and that this made it all so special.

(She said some more really beautiful and encouraging things to me and congratulating me for coming out, but as I said, I FORGOT most of it because I am still crying at this point)

At the end of our conversation I GOT ANOTHER HUG and I said thank you (probably not for the first haha) and she was so nice and kind (yes I really have to keep mentioning this) and she asked me she would see me later (yes!) and she offered me a cookie, which I took and then it was OVER and I left and walked a few feet away to hopefully calm down a little and sort my stuff before I’d go to Kai. And you know what? The cookie was a kind I usually don’t like at all, but it was soooo good in that moment and I feel like I’ll forever associate these cookies with meeting Naoko now :’D (how cliché, I know, fight me.)

So, I’m still sort of crying and completely overwhelmed because this???? Really??? Just had happened??? It took a few minutes to somewhat calm down again and come to my senses because I wanted to get my autograph from Kai and I eventually managed to get it all sorted and got out my AAU pt. 1 boxset for him to sign.

I paid for the autograph and handed him the boxset (and this is also all a bit hazy) and he asked me how I was (and now remember how he’s sitting right next to Naoko) and I sorta just gesture in her direction and say something like “Good! I don’t know how much you heard….” And he was really kind and said that he’d heard some of it and “Good for you” and probably some more, but well (aaahhh) and we talked a little about AAU and how I sorta cried when I thought Rhys would die at the beginning of pt. 2 (“Oh honey no!”) All in all he was really nice and friendly and really kinda chill (I didn’t start crying again at this point!!) and I died a little again, because KAI OWEN!

So after all that I stepped aside again and waited for Julia (whose turn it was after me each time) and I was still really emotional about everything and I promptly started crying again and it took me like 10 min or even longer to calm down a little again and then I had the grand idea to send a voice memo to some of my friends that couldn’t be there and told them about all that and promptly almost started crying again (only almost!).

Anyway – fast forward a few hours to the double photoshoot with Naoko and Kai!

Naoko recognized me! And she greeted me with “Ohh! Happy tears!” (it was so cute and my heart melted and I died a little) (again) (and I think Kai must have recognized me as well but I was kinda focused on Naoko calling me ‘happy tears’ haha) and I stood between them. She then found a hair on my tshirt so we both tried to get it off and it was just idk. It was such a small thing but it was so cute?

So that is the story of how I met Naoko Mori and Kai Owen at Time Lash and I’m honestly so happy that I was able to go (all thanks to Julia!!). This really means the world to me that I was able to meet them both (and Scott!).

This is why I’m not exaggerating when I talk about how much Torchwood means to me and that it literally changed my life over the past 11 (!!!) months. I’ve met quite a few actors over the past three and half years and it all means so much to me, but meeting the Torchwood cast is just a completely different level, for the reasons that I mentioned here.

And really, I just want to share this because Torchwood is just the Best.

[and please remember to not reblog it. I don’t mind likes or replies/messages if you feel like it, just no reblogs :)]