#apparently I hate myself
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I think sometimes I just put myself in situations to create angst and then never talk about them, it's a strange and unusual form of torture. Maybe I need to go back to therapy after all. I should sleep.
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am I on my forth relisten of the finale in like 8 hours? maybe
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i pity people who say “yeah it’s nice to see these two characters as friends but their relationship becomes so much more meaningful if you see them as romantic.” how has the dredges of the amanormative world poisoned you this bad? have you never had a friend or wanted a friend who changed your life for the better? or if you do i feel bad for them because of so obviously little you value them
#and my friend xy whom i stole some lines of this rant from#aphobia#amanormativity#kiwi’s aspec posting#aromantic#APPARENTLY MY TAG RANT PICKED UP THE SHIP???? i’m so sorry for all the people who thought i was hating on it#i’ll have you know i made a post about qpr ze / li nk (TRYING NOT TO TAG IT BY ACCIDENT) so yeah i do like the ship myself#i just don’t like it when people say it can Only be romantic
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beep beep im a sheep
speeddraw below the cut (audio warning)
song: "Cult of Dionysis" by The Orion Experience
#before anybody says anything i have never played cotl in my entire life and i dont plan to. but. crow showed me some narilamb art#and i. well.. HMMMMM kinda fruity if i do say so myself..#also i wanted to play around with the lambs design and had fun basing their outfit a little on crusader armor. mostly the cloth in the fron#i dont think id last 10 minutes playing cotl. partly because i suck at strategy games and not hugely drawn to roguelike games#and partly because i think i would cry real tears if i had to sacrifice someone despite fully knowing theyre nonsentient npc characters#i must admit i think the world and gameplay mechanics are interesting.. havent watched any playthroughs but ive been skimming thru the#wiki pages. kindareminds me of binding of Isaac but i dont have the patience for those kinds of games sadly#also apparently u guys are getting a sex update so i feel like ill be in full blast of whatever comes out of that#i might draw god of death lamb because i kind of have an idea of what their horns would look like. but im gonna hate drawing an outfit ugh#noooo dont usurp god and reap destruction for generations to come youre so sexy haha#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl lambert#cotl fanart#my art#myart#videos#speeddraw#progress art
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#perfect cell#dragon ball#dbz#my art#2024#going back to my roots#ngl I drew this solely cos APPARENTLY he's gonna be in the fortnite store soon#Guys I'm on my knees BEGGING for this#I don't post dbz stuff anymore but Cell is genuinely my favorite fictional character ever. My 1#my one true love#If he actually ends up being in the store soon I just can see myself wasting so much money on emotes for him.#jfc I hate this game ghhhhhhh!!!
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#a doodley#refusing to draw myself accurately bc i dont wanna be more depressed but making up for it by still adding cheye features#like my face stains and how i only grow lots of chin hair on one side#idk what the face stains are called i thot it was tear stains like on white dogs but#apparently thats just a bit of brown jutting past the edges of your eyes...mines just like slightly grayer stains going round the cheeks#also i was trying to do that simple shading style but i cant do ittt i like the hatching#and im so bad at shading i hates it
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remember when i had that dream where you [Y/N] have a sleepover with tumblr sexyman tony and sketchbook where you guys just end up in a polyamorous relationship ??? well . i tried to find a fanfic that would even slightly line up with the description. even if it was only vaguely
but uhhh ....
there were none . so i had to do it myself
#have i ever told you how fucking scared i am of tumblr sexyman tony and paige ?#actually . im not scared of them – but seeing them just makes me go into a fight or flight state#i hate my nine year old self for being obsessed with them . and i think they'd hate current me for being obsessed with digitaltime#so . really . i think we're even#can you tell which one i hate less ? [hint : it's not the blue twink]#anyway . im doing this more for you – the people who follow my account – than i am for myself#i tried to make it believable for the 2014 era of padlock but like i dunno how good or bad of a job i did (~_~;)#i hope they all get obliterated ; blown up to smithereens#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis fanfic#dhmis tony#tony the talking clock#dhmis sketchbook#dhmis paige#paige the sketchbook#dhmis padlock#apparently there are no tony x reader or paige x reader tags on tumblr . so whoops#x reader fanfiction#x reader fic#for the first time in my life . i hope one of my posts / fanfics absolutely flops#my fanfiction#archive of our own#pls ignore#its not finished btw#and i don't know when ill be updating it#shrug
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#! doodles#genshin impact#tartaglia#yeah this is the piece that got me thinking yep i fucking hate water#which kickstarted a lot of water-related drawings#bc apparently i hate myself :)
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im bored of animal crossing will be drawing gj again will be mental illness-ing once more.
#women make less than men because we dont know how to ask for more!!!!!#and thats so fucking true my ex manager had to coach me how to ask for more#and then i entered the call and went oh u want to give me less than what i asked for great okay sure love you bye#!!!!!!!!! *looking at myself in the mirror* i hate u#the noise my cat makes when hes frustrated#or really really excited i cant tell which is which anymore#my ex manager is also like lawyer core#ie not a lawyer but loves reading contracts for some uknown reason#and he was pointing out all the stupid phrasing#and i was sitting there like sir to be completely candid i do not even comprehend what the line is saying#let alone what it is suggesting and its implications#apparently when you get those emails like this is confidential dont share it!!!#u can u can like totally share it its not enforceable#the sender even knows its not enforceable they just put it there anyway#what are you gonna do with that info heck if i know!
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I wanted to share this informative little comic for International (Working) Women's Day:
#international working women's day#international women's day#eleri harris#herstory#worker's rights#herstory blogging#lesfem blogging#women's art#i couldn't find any good posts in a brief tag search.. apparently must do everything myself on women's day smh#i hate seeing lame corporate meaningless soundbytes when this is actually us working women's labor rights day#some of the dates in the comic may be a bit off... will have to check again later
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Voretober 2024
2. Thrill
#mallow's art#voretober#voretober2024#my first thought was a rollercoaster because i hate myself apparently#never drawing one of those again
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Maltober Day Two!! Fathers and realization
Did the scene where Arthur was drinking himself half to death because he realized he’s not ready to be a dad AS Bella is going into labor
Full thing under the cutttt
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#Maltober#wooooo this one was#just such a bitch#I decided to do a big backgrouddd with lots of peopleeee#why? apparently I hate myself lmao#I’m happy with how it turned out#though the colors are verrrryyy mehhh#art garden
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good news: making a new comic!
bad news: it has 4 panels of a close up of a pair of hands in 4 completely different poses
#i'm procrastinating actually drawing them i'm just looking at the sketches trying to hype myself up#i did this to myself i literally only have myself to blame#defunctland voice: i hate every step of the comic-making process. the only thing i hate more than making comics is not making comics.#apparently i talk sometimes
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Forcing my two ultimate faves to interact by thinking about how Silver would definitely be interested in biology and the natural sciences because many original ecosystems wouldn't have been able to survive in a world dominated by fire.
In the future he was very interested in history and had to rely on books to learn about anything that came before, but whilst visiting the past he explores and follows field guides in his free time because now he can experience it all for real. Enter Knuckles, who is the most qualified person he knows to teach Silver all about the unique biomes of the world.
At first it just starts out as Silver visiting Angel Island every so often to ask questions and compare notes in his field guide with what Knuckles has seen, which Knuckles enjoys. An excuse to talk about his adventures with a genuinely interested party and they end up bonding really quickly over it. Until Knuckles gets tired of talking about books (and not all of them are correct) so he says fuck it, you can't learn everything from a book and starts taking Silver on forays into the world and shows him everything he dreams to see - ruins reclaimed by nature, entire ecosystems existing on a single type of tree, underwater worlds hidden by algae and sediment.
#I know IDW has established that Silver is really passionate about gardening and I agree I love that#But I haven't read IDW so I'm not pulling concepts from there because I don't like to use it as a main source material#Silver is earnest enough that Knuckles would appreciate his company but he's also strong enough to hold his own#They'd get along so well#Apparently Knuckles and Silver are partners in Forces?#I didn't play that either my friend showed me some of the game and I'm sorry but I think it's complete garbage#Sorry Forces enjoyers I hate it LOL#BUT YEAH MY TWO FAVES KEEP GETTING SHAFTED BY THE COMPANY like y'all know how I feel about Knuckles getting sidelined#2024 is his 30th anniversary and he gets unceremoniously iced by Shadow#And let's not even go there with Silver y'all know how they've ignored him since 06#I gotta do everything myself if I want them to get justice#Cute headcanons are only the beginning#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#silver the hedgehog
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Have an itty bitty tiny piece of stasis in darkness, just so you all have an idea of where the story is going after the godly reveal. and also have proof that i am, in fact, still toiling away at this (as well as hawkins halfway house.)
A week and a half later, Steve entered a town he’d never seen before. He wore simple traveling clothes and carried no weapons aside from a couple of carefully hidden knives. He’d left his armor and shield behind. His satchel held only the essentials one needed for travel and a single stone as large as his fist. The stone was wrapped in layers of cloth to keep it safe during the journey.
I need you to find someone.
He felt very bare but he hadn’t been given much of a choice. Speed was of the essence for his quest, and little no-name towns tended to be wary of strangers in plain clothes, even more so around strangers decked out for battle. Steve wasn’t sure this place could be called a town. It was so small it hadn’t been on any official map. It didn’t even have an inn. Hopefully, Steve wouldn’t be needing an inn once he found who he was looking for.
He’s too far from me to reach.
He asked around, laying on the charm generously. He explained he had been a friend of a friend and had been trusted to deliver something. Eventually, he was told where to go. The house he found far beyond the village’s boundary was small. It looked like it had once been well cared for but it was old and had fallen to disrepair. Steve took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
A sallow old man opened the door. He was bald but had some scruff on his face still. His shoulders, stooped from age, trembled. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked so tired.
He’s my very last worshiper in all the world.
“Wayne Munson?” Steve asked.
“Who wants to know?” The man’s voice was phlegmy and rough. He coughed into the crook of his elbow almost before he could finish speaking.
“I’m Steve. Ser Steve Harrington, pledged to the Lord of Night.”
Wayne’s eyes widened. His grip on the open door weakened and slipped. Steve caught the door before it could hit Wayne.
“He sent me to you,” Steve explained. “May I come in?”
yep, that's it for now. i told you it was small. i'm not even gonna bother with a read-more here.
#trensu tells stories#stasis in darkness#i technically have another 4.5k words written already#but it is very much still a rough draft#it's all clunky chunks of stone with all that i want to happen but has not been carved and smoothed out properly yet#also i have decided to include at least a couple of prayers#because i hate myself apparently and want to make myself suffer#a poet i am not#and i haven't stepped in a church or said prayers in literal decades#well#that's a lie#i did attend ONE mass in that time only because my mom asked me so she wouldn't have to go alone#the priest went off on the queers during his sermon and my mom never asked me to go with her again lol#so i remember none of the prayers#and even if i did#i learned all my prayers in spanish#i have no idea how they go in english#ughhhhhh why do i do these things to myself
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Note to self DO NOT listen to achilles come down while writing patrochilles I was inconsolable for like an hour and I’m not even sure if what I wrote makes any sense but fuck me is it full of emotion
#picture me in the pitch black of my room illuminated by nothing else but my laptop screen#ugly crying and typing while sniffing and sobbing and taking periodic breaks to hide my head in my hands and curse at god#that’s what I’ve been doing tonight#I listened to it TWICE#because I HATE MYSELF APPARENTLY and also I felt SCARED AND LOST WITHOUT IT PLAYING#I’m better now tho I’m fine#y’all this new chapter of katabasis#you don’t even wanna know#patrochilles#achilles come down#achilles#patroclus
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