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tossawary · 4 years ago

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Chapter 19: “Weddings and Funerals” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines with commentary because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary.

When Shang Qinghua told Mobei-Jun that he didn’t need Shen Qingqiu assassinated, it wasn’t because he thought everything would somehow work out if he just sat back and didn’t do anything. It definitely wasn’t because he was planning a so-called “perfect murder” and didn’t want the demon lord messing up his plans. The Problem of Shen Qingqiu has always been a lot more complicated than “just get rid of the guy potentially making my nephew’s life a living hell”. That’s why it’s a real problem!

AN: Shang Qinghua’s thought process: “Can this problem be solved by:

A) Waiting for the problem to go away?

B) Murder?

C) None of the above?

If the answer is C...

Fuck, it’s a real problem.”

Shang Qinghua thinks that might actually be possible, though he’d have to do some research and smack his head until his Author God memories hopped into line. He thinks that the youth-restoration procedure would probably do the job, but he also thinks that Shen Qingqiu would probably rather be dead than be physically sixteen again or something (super fucking understandable) and have to start the cultivation process over from scratch (ah, that would be so annoying and embarrassing).

AN: Given that I actually invented a de-aging potion for this fic (if one that’s difficult to put together), the AU of “Original Shen Qingqiu is physically 16 again” has been rattling around inside my head ever since I wrote these lines. Shen Qingqiu was like, “Wait, let me picture how unbearably overprotective Yue Qingyuan would be... hmm... no, I’ll just stay like this.”

Luo Jiahui seems a little anxious about the empty spaces at the table, but she fills the space as best she can by chattering about assorted restaurant business. At least until she abruptly takes a deep breath and says, “Hua-Ge, I have something to tell you.”

Shang Qinghua freezes in the middle of taking a drink. His unhelpful brain immediately races to guess the worst possible conversational subjects. His sister-in-law has somehow figured out that he’s a transmigrator?! His sister-in-law has decided that her son is not going to the Demon Realm under any circumstances?! His sister-in-law knows Binghe better than he does and has realized that the young protagonist is being abused after all?! Oh, fuck, what is it?

“I’m getting married!” Luo Jiahui announces, breathlessly.

“Oh,” Shang Qinghua says, heart rate going at the speed of sound. “Wait, what?”

AN: This chapter is why I didn’t go into the details of LJH/LQG in the last chapter, immediately post-timeskip. I wanted to blindside everyone with an “Oh, it’s THAT serious?!” moment. The last chapter established that “SQH is handling things”, then this chapter establishes that, as the plot goes on, “SQH is only barely handling things”. Which helps prep the following breakdown with the System World Update in chapters 20-22.

“You didn’t have any time for yourself,” Shang Qinghua agrees, following this conversation of very obvious things that he already knew so far. He didn’t have any time for himself back then either, between organizing a conference and finding a cure on top of the usual day-in-day-out of the sect. “You did a really good job looking after them all by yourself!”

“They don’t always agree with that,” Luo Jiahui says, smiling but self-deprecating.

“Aha, well, they’re young.”

The disagreements of what was best for the children is why Shang Qinghua really had to get Fanli (who didn’t see herself as a child) out of the house by any means necessary. He was at a bit of a loss at how else to help. She was never part of Proud Immortal Demon Way! Not even as a fragment of backstory mentioned in passing! Shang Qinghua struggles to compensate for these extra people who were never characters sometimes.

“Qingge was very understanding,” Luo Jiahui says. “But… well… then Fanli was gone and I had the restaurant keeping me busy, but that was all my own choice… and what good was waiting really doing us? It didn’t have to be everything or nothing. So… we talked… about what we wanted and what- what we were afraid of… and we decided to go forward slowly.”

AN: I said in the Author’s Notes on AO3 that I was going to use Jiage to shame Moshang and Qijiu, and I meant it. TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! Shang Qinghua, you need to talk to Mobei-Jun about what you want! Shang Qinghua, you can’t keep putting things on hold because of the plot!

No offense to either his sister-in-law or his junior martial brother, but aren’t love stories supposed to be a little more… fiery?

“When I was younger, I thought that falling in love was supposed to be all excitement and passion and not being able to live without someone even for a second,” Luo Jiahui admits, a little wistfully. “I thought that it was supposed to be thinking about them all the time, not being able to stay away from each other, and needing to know what they’d been doing every second they were away. It was like becoming a completely different person. I thought that being in love was about one of us getting horribly jealous every time we even talked to someone else, doing things I didn’t really understand and changing myself just to keep him happy, and keeping secrets and sneaking around just to keep things from exploding. Because love is not being able to help yourself like that, right?”

Shang Qinghua can’t really manage to speak right now.

It’s like someone has cut his fucking throat.

Which is fine!

“But that ended really badly for me,” Luo Jiahui says, with a nervous huff at her own understatement. “It was very exciting, but looking back, being in that kind of love was also very frightening sometimes… and it was a little lonely too… being in love with someone I couldn’t really talk to or trust.”

AN: This is more specifically vagueing SVSSS Bingqiu than Moshang, but it’s also shaming Moshang too. Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote some extremely messed-up romances and he would have said, “Yes! It’s all super messed-up! That’s kind of the point!” But it also means that the man can’t really conceptualize (at least at first) or articulate the kind of relationship he would actually be happy to have with Mobei-Jun, especially when his relationship with Mobei-Jun had such violent beginnings

The first person he tells himself is, weirdly enough, Qi Qingqi. Liu Qingge apparently already told both Liu Mingyan and Luo Fanli before he left, so Shang Qinghua heads over to see how the girls are handling it. (Also, he wants to pump Liu Mingyan for information on her mother’s opinions on weddings and marriage, in a really pathetic attempt to ready himself for the rumble.) He makes her agree to keep the information to herself before telling and she does, like a bro!

And then he tells and she laughs in his fucking face! Eventually, she realizes that he’s looking for sympathy, he’s not just here to let her enjoy his suffering, as a form of payment after everything he and Liu Qingge have inflicted on her. Then she laughs at him again, even louder.

Sure, he’d laugh too if he was in her shoes! But not to her face! Rude!

AN: Qi Qingqi also pointed while laughing, I think. It’s funny because it’s not her dealing with Liu Family shit this time.

Shang Qinghua expected, this time last year, to be laser-focused on the plot! His attention was not going to stray even a little bit, he promised himself; he was going to be 110% dedicated to making sure that everyone he tripped into caring about made it through the least shitty version of Proud Immortal Demon Way possible. He was going to be a machine of a transmigrator! No distractions! All he wanted was for his family to make it through the quickest, least shitty bare bones of a plot! And he was going to achieve, damn it!

Instead, he finds himself planning his sister-in-law’s wedding and it eats up time he didn’t fucking know he had to give. Immortal Alliance Conference, eat your fucking heart out! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect? Did he work there? Nope, he’s never heard of the place! He’s the Peak Lord of wedding planning now!

AN: This is me telling myself I’m going to get my life 100% together and then getting into a new video game and baking cookies instead. Or ditching my housecleaning plans to hang out with friends at a moment’s notice.

At the wedding itself, Fanli tells her sister’s father-in-law that Binghe is also very into birds and Shang Qinghua’s nephew spends a good chunk of the rest of the celebrations (and his precious time away from Qing Jing Peak) held hostage by his own politeness, listening to his new grandfather earnestly tell him about the various migration habits of demonic birds.

Well! Better him than Shang Qinghua, honestly!

AN: Inspired by that time we went on vacation and one of my brothers got mistaken by one of our travelling companions for a budding serious birdwatcher instead of someone who just thinks they’re neat - and also likes to point at them and intentionally call them by the wrong name.

Also, LQG’s Dad in this fic and SY would probably get along super well.

LQG and his dad in this universe have gone out on month-long camping trips to in which they pretty much don’t talk the entire time. They stalk monsters through the wilderness and have a great time.

Shang Qinghua is too busy keeping an eye on Luo Fanli and being not talked to by Liu Mingyan, who is eighteen-ish years old now he thinks and still deeply embarrassed by the fact that he told her off for her real person fiction. (He doesn’t want to discourage her passion for writing! She’s pretty good for a kid! It’s pretty cute! Everyone needs their escapist hobbies! He just doesn’t want identifying information about his family being spread around freely, even if the characterizations of the couple are… uh… wildly reimagined, and he doesn't want to have to spend his very valuable time keeping a lookout for more illicit fiction.) It’s difficult to read her expression through the ever-present veil, but… yeah, she’s still pissed off at him.

Ugh, teenagers.

Binghe is not allowed to bring several hundred nieces-in-law into Shang Qinghua's life. Just... no. Fuck, no.

He doesn’t even get a date to commiserate about this with.

It’s a very small wedding, family only (Luo Jiahui’s shitty parents don’t count and her older brother was forced to decline the invitation), so that Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge can keep their privacy. Madam Liu huffed about it - the battles in talking her down were both great and terrible - but her son stood his ground! Sure, people might whine someday about not being invited, but the great thing about Liu Qingge is that they can more or less just say, “Well, we couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted!” And people just have to take that unless they want to claim they could take on the Bai Zhan Peak War God!

AN: Trying to imagine the AU in which SQH brought MBJ as his date to this wedding. SQH would’ve liked to be able to bring MBJ as a date, but alas, they are not dating and the groom would probably try to kill the man.

Shang Qinghua is not expecting, soon after returning from his sister-in-law’s happy and long-awaited wedding, to be solemnly informed that Shen Qingqiu’s health has only really deteriorated these past months. Wow, that’s a huge downer.

Also, he already knew that? He’s been getting Mu Qingfang all the right supplies to treat their shixiong. He didn’t actually abandon his duties to the sect for a family wedding. He knew that Shen Qingqiu had fallen sufficiently ill to need tending on Qian Cao Peak in the past month and he considered it, well, convenient timing in regards to Binghe’s permission to attend his mother’s wedding not being randomly revoked. Cold-hearted, maybe! But he had lots of other things to worry about at the time, like informing Mobei-Jun that his sister-in-law was getting married and so he’d be regrettably absent to attend the wedding.

Then he’s told that Shen Qingqiu is not expected to improve this time.

“Oh, shit, they really think he’s dying,” Shang Qinghua realizes.

This really wasn’t in Proud Immortal Demon Way.

AN: I seriously contemplated cutting this chapter in half because of this mood switch. Like, I went in intending on writing a serious mood switch, but in practice, wow. It felt like a lot more in practice.

“Our sect leader asks about the boy and his progress,” Shen Qingqiu rasps, his voice turning more and more accusing. “He’s so very concerned about the boy. We can’t have such a beloved child crying to his devoted family that he’s been mistreated or neglected, can we? How flattering these assumptions are. It makes a man wonder what exactly people think he’s going to do to the boy.”

Shang Qinghua might have an itemized list somewhere, honestly.

“Ah, I can’t speak for anyone else,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “But please don’t take it personally, Shen-Shixiong. I don’t really trust anyone. Anything can happen behind a locked door, you know?”

Some honest cynicism can go over well with the man.

Shen Qingqiu laughs bitterly now.

AN: It can be fun in media where Character A is like, “Ahhh, I hope no one discovers my secret!” And Character B is like, “So, about this extremely obvious thing that you’re doing...!”

Shen Qingqiu is as honest and open as he is throughout this scene because he honestly thinks that he’s dying. He’s determined to be blithe about it.

Shang Qinghua at least gets to see Mu Qingfang’s face journey as Shen Qingqiu accuses their sect leader of letting him think that he’d left him to die. As Shen Qingqiu yells about being treated like an unwanted ghost, as a potential blackmailer, as an embarrassing disappointment, as a petty troublemaker, as a spoiled child, as a problem to be solved, and as the last blemish on Yue Qingyuan’s reputation - anything but as someone worthy of being trusted with Yue Qingyuan’s problems and of being treated like an equal friend.

Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t think Shen Qingqiu wanted to hear his excuses, and Shen Qingqiu shoots back that he would rather fucking die than beg the man he’d thought had forgotten about him to explain when exactly he became not worth rescuing as soon as possible.

Yue Qingyuan tries to explain that he didn’t want Shen Qingqiu’s pity or to force the man to be grateful that he’d tried.

Shen Qingqiu tells the man to go fuck himself. How could it not hurt for someone he loved to hurt him and then just… move past the hurt like the pain wasn’t who they were?

“All the world could revile me… reject me… leave me to die… and I would pay their hatred no heed! What do they truly know of what I am? Of who I am?” Shen Qingqiu demands. “But if Qi-Ge could throw me away… decide that I just wasn’t worth the trouble anymore now that he’d had a taste of a better life… then I really must be wretched beyond all things at the root! If he believed it, then… then it had to be true.”

AN: Because I just wrote a Qijiu confrontation over this exact thing, like, a few days before, I thought that I could get away with writing out this entire confrontation in full. I think it works better if the audience has to imagine some of it. And because SQH is the POV character, it felt right that he not be in the room and not be a full witness to this scene. He doesn’t get to see everything.

#tossawary svsss #pride is not the word #tossawary commentary

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soukokuwu · 4 years ago

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Hellooo, so yes hi, I wanted to ask if I could perhaps request a bsd headcanon of jealous Fydor, Dazai and Chuya (Chuuya??) With a female s/o who is obsessed with anime, otome games, manga, 2D fictional anime characters, ect ect. And she is like has husbands and waifus and always flaunts and talks about them which makes them jealous. If you want, you can do a yandere one too, of course I prefer if it's not abusive- anyways yea, so uh have a great day!

➤ hi decided to do some normal ones, hehe hope you don’t mind!! ^.^ and i hope these are okay for you, thanks for requesting and have a great week <3

➤ characters: fyodor, dazai, chuuya

jealous because fem!s/o loves anime/otome games etc & shows off husbandos & waifus

doesn’t really bother with it initially. he knows you’ve always been like this — on your phone a lot playing otome games, and always on tv watching animes (when he asks why you even like it you say it’s because “look the guys are hot”, fyodor rolls his eyes at this).

you work a normal job, so it doesn’t mean you have a lot of money, but then he comes back home one day and you’ve ordered an entire box worth of manga. he sighs. hard. he’s about to question you but then he sees the same character you’ve been gushing about the past week on the cover. oh.

at night when you’re in bed together (which is rare for fyodor since he rarely sleeps early enough to be able to lie next to you), all you do is gush over some guy on your game, “aw, lucifer you sadistic bastard.” and you say that as if you’re swooning for the man? fyodor flips over to turn away from you. he considers himself a god and yet you’re head over heels for a devil in your phone?

the force of his turn stuns you. what’s his problem? then you lean up over his face and stare at him. he’s frowning. deep. he doesn’t even acknowledge you, he’s just staring straight at the wall. you nearly laugh because you realise... this is how he throws a tantrum. this is the fyodor, throwing a tantrum.

“are you jealous?” you coo. his pale face turns bright red. but his expression doesn’t change. how cute. you start poking at his cheeks to get him to respond to you and he sighs to cover the smile creeping on his lips, saying something about how he’ll take the couch for tonight. you don’t let him off that easily though, you follow him to the couch and attach yourself like a koala. “i love only you, fedya.”

also seems unfazed by the fact you’re head over heels for guys that don’t exist. perfectly harmless, he thinks. besides, it seems to occupy you very well while he’s busy at work. in fact, sometimes he even watches as you play the otome games, and stays beside you while you watch anime. doesn’t see any reason why you’re gushing over them — they’re just okay.

it starts getting a little too much when he’s right beside you and yet your eyes are glued on the screen. gets even more annoyed when you point to it whenever your “husbando”, or so you call him, pops up. there’s multiple husbandos too. and then other times there’s you “waifus” as well. dazai admits, your taste in waifus aren’t bad but still, they’re taking all your attention.

and while dazai only has one book in his collection, you’re taking up the whole shelf with your mangas. he sighs, always having to walk past your collection everytime he gets out of bed. plus you’ve got a lot of merchandise on there as well. it might as well be a damn shrine dedicated to your “husbands”.

he draws the line when you guys are out on a damn date and you’re actually going on your phone to “check on” your husbands and wives. what more gushing over this redhead who’s apparently strong and hungry all the time. “aw my poor baby’s hungry.” dazai heaves a huge sigh. so was he, but not that you noticed. gee, it’s like you care more for them than you did him. it’s just slightly disappointing.

comes back home one day dressed as your favourite character in your game with a joke “what? i thought you might pay more attention to me this way,” he hums, grinning at you. you instantly feel bad for how much you’ve been throwing your husbands in his face. dazai can see from your expression as well, “guess my belladonna has to make it up to me hmm? just nice i’m dressed up to play the role of her favourite character.” wink wink.

gets super curious when you start mentioning how handsome “satan” is. he immediately comes over beside you and looks at your screen. some blondie with green eyes. “who’s that?” and when you reply with “my husband” and press the phone against your cheek all giddily he squints. but he lets you play all you want. even lets you use his credit card if you ever wanted to buy anything — he’s got plenty of money.

but then he sees the credit card bill and it’s. full. of. your. husbands. and. wives. chuuya asks you what you spent it on exactly and then you start gushing about the mangas you bought, and then you turn on the tv and explain further about how much you love the character and then oh, can’t forget your otome husband “look it’s satan, it’s my baby”, shoving the phone in chuuya’s face.

doesn’t help him that he gets easily jealous. he just hates showing it. although the signs are pretty obvious. he’s slightly passive aggressive. whenever it’s the weekends and he’s cooking some food for you he’ll ever so not subtly mention, “does satan want a plate too? has he risen from hell?” the spite is so apparent in his voice. so, very obvious. and yet when you ask him about it he goes “why the heck would i be jealous of someone who doesn’t exist?” he does put his foot down on you ordering a dakimakura though. he doesn’t need another man in his bed.

but he’s also very easily appeased. all you have to do is remind him that you’d easily throw all the husbands and wives in the world away just for him. chuuya gets embarrassed at that and just goes “yeah, you better.” you also try to get him into the animes and mangas you like. he’s fairly open minded, especially when it comes to you. his ears did perk up when you said “wives” though.

oh and how you regret it because sometimes all he does is keep his eyes peeled on the screen whenever his waifu comes on. you can see it — how his eyes slightly widen and he barely blinks while watching the scene. and now you two take turns getting slightly jealous every time. but it’s nothing a little time together can’t fix.

a/n: yes i chose to use obey me >.<

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revisionaryhistory · 4 years ago

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Three Days ~ 65

~*~Sebastian~*~

I turned back toward the others. Sam was looking at me, "You're hopeless."

I looked around, hoping she was looking at someone else, "What? Why?"

"Three weeks ago with the good luck kisses and Reese Cups you were ridiculous. This week... hopeless. You're a big soft squishy marshmallow of a boyfriend. I expected more."

I went for a confused look, "Do we know each other well enough for you to ride my ass like this?"

She smiled, "Apparently."

I held up a finger in Scott's direction before he could say anything. Everyone laughed.

We talked, laughed, and drank until the ref blew the whistle. Like earlier I was between Sam and Mallory. Sam leaned closer, "Too far?"

I knew she was referring to her teasing after Emma left. "Oh hell no, perfect." I sat back enough to include Mallory. "Thank you. I'm much more comfortable in front of five hundred people than in a small group. Expectations are different. You fucking with me lets new people know I’m just a guy here to watch his girlfriend play volleyball."

Sam looked at Mallory, "See, hopeless."

Mallory smiled, "Yeah, but cute as hell."

“Am I imagining the southern accent? It comes and goes.” I looked between the two of them and they indicated I wasn’t imagining. “Southern accents are trouble.” I shook my head, took a drink of my beer, and watched them win the first set.

Emma ran over, "Hungry. Would you order me something, please?"

I gave her a thumbs up and I had plates of appetizers ready when they got to the table. After losing. I slid off the stool, giving it to Emma, standing behind and to the side. I reached around her to eat while my other hand kept in contact with her. Touching her back. A slide across her shoulders. Anything for the contact. When Emma was finished eating, she leaned back, using me as a backrest. I leaned in and kissed her temple, my hidden hand on her hip.

I can't explain my want for contact. Before we met, before I saw her, before I heard her voice, I knew the feel of her touch. Her hand on my arm. Since that first touch, I've always wanted it. Maybe it's because touch was the first thing I knew. Like if the first thing you're attracted to is someone's smile you always remember the first one and want to see it again. I've never been touch hungry like this. I don't mind, kind of like it actually, and I'm not all in trying to overthink the why. It's just different. Hopefully, the relationship outcome will be different too.

Mallory's voice saying, "Barbie Bitches at ten o'clock," drew me out of my thoughts.

Emma said, "They're really not that bad."

Mallory snorted, "Yes, yes, they are."

There was a group of five heading our way. Three women and two men. I'm going to go ahead and guess the bleached blondes are the Barbie Bitches. There is a natural blonde in the group, so I could be wrong. The men were lagging a little behind. The one with short black hair had a full beard and the other had shoulder-length brown hair with a couple of days growth of beard. I don't feel jealous or insecure, but I am aware these are men she knows. Possessive. Protective. Proud. Definitely wanting to mark my territory, I guess her using me as a pillow does that. If she sits up I may have to kiss her. Tragic.

One of the guys recognized me first. He elbowed the other and nodded. I went on talking with Nick about the best flavors for chicken wings. I’m partial to teriyaki. Hot sauces aren't for me. I like flavor over burning the shit out of my mouth.

The five reached the table, hugs and handshakes for those nearby. Emma leaned forward and the hand I had on her hip magically moved to her shoulder when other eyes locked on me. Beside me, I heard Sam mumble, "Hopeless."

I looked at Sam and laughed, giving her a silent thank you. I realize someone in my line of work not liking to be the center of attention seems strange. Work and personal are different. Meeting her friends is personal, but the first minutes when they're recognizing work me is uncomfortable. I wish it wasn't. I don't like it.

Emma did the introductions, "This is my boyfriend Sebastian." I do like how she gives me a title. It feels like a diversion, setting an expectation. There's no question who I am. I'm not Sebastian with a dangling "the actor." I’m Sebastian "the boyfriend." That makes me uncomfortable too but in a much more fun way. She pointed as she gave names. "Justin, Caleb, Rose, Tammy, and Toni."

There was no way in hell Toni and Tammy weren't the Barbie Bitches. I was right about the hair too. I waved, "Hi, nice to meet you. Everybody work with Emma? Teachers?"

They told me what they taught. Toni and Tammy are English, Rose is Physics, Caleb is History, and Justin teaches programming and robotics. I looked at Rose, "I got a zero on my physics final." They laughed and I shrugged. "In my defense, of the eight seniors, the highest grade was a fifteen."

"You had a shitty teacher."

I widened my eyes and nodded in agreement, “Yeah, he gave us shit about the scores. I told him they said more about him than us. Finals were over, I didn't care."

Everyone started sharing stories from being a student or things students had done. Turned into a competition between the high school and elementary teachers for the most inappropriate comments and behaviors. High school was funny because they knew what they were doing, elementary because they didn't. I felt embarrassed for the mom who got the call her vibrator had made it to show and tell.

The game going on behind us was in the last set. Emma took off for the bathroom. When she came back, she went to the middle of the high school teachers, thanking them for coming. She was a good hostess.

Toni glanced at me before turning to Emma, "Are we really supposed to pretend he's not Sebastian Stan?"

Several things happened all at once. On one side of me, Samantha said, "Yes." On the other side, Mallory groaned. In front of me to the right, Tammy nodded her agreement with Toni. A little to the left, Emma said, "No."

Guess who I want to hear more from?

"You don't have to pretend you don't know who he is. But first and foremost, he's a person, so we're not going to talk about him like he's not right there." Emma looked at me with a smile. I was uncomfortable again. However, her protectiveness is hot.

Tami grimaced, "Sorry."

Emma hugged her to soothe the rebuke, "He scrambles my brain sometimes too."

I want to scramble more than her brains right now.

Tami looked at me as Emma headed around the table. "I'm sorry, Sebastian."

I waved away the apology, "You can ask me anything you want about work when they're warming up. The rest of the time I'm here to watch my girlfriend play."

It was Justin who did the fist pump, "Yes!"

I laughed.

Caleb faked a cough, "Fanboy."

"And not ashamed."

I had a fan. Sweet.

I'd taken Emma's seat when she left. When I started to get up she shook her head. She stood right up on me, laying her hand on my thigh. I lifted my arm over her, my hand landing on her ass, and my fingers going under the leg of her shorts to run my fingertips along the curve of her ass. My other hand, which was already under the table, moved her hand from my thigh to my crotch. I never stopped talking with Dawn. Beside me, Sam turned her back to me and leaned against the table, blocking anyone else from seeing. She’s definitely my favorite.

I was torn when the other game was over. I would miss our under the table fun, but the sooner the game was over the sooner we could go home.

Jeff walked around the table, heading toward the court. He pointed at me, "Your last good luck kiss sucked. Do better."

I jumped off the stool, grabbed Emma, dipped her low, and kissed her slow and deep. It felt very good. Reluctantly, I set her back on her feet. I looked at Jeff with my eyebrows raised.

Jeff grabbed Emma's arm and pulled her toward the court. "Much better. Thank you."

I turned back to the table to find all eyes on me. I shrugged with my hands up, "Taking one for the team." I took my spot back on the stool.

Justin leaned onto the table, "I have questions about stunts and drone shots." That conversation went on for a while. I could talk all day about that shit because it’s not directly me.

Toni wanted to know about Evans. Nia asked about gossip sites.

"I don't go there. Anybody can pretend to know anything and people will believe it if they want to. Even random guesses are going to be right sometimes. A friend had something real show up. It's best to ignore it. It'll go away with the next scandal. A lawsuit confirms and calls more attention." I could tell Rose had a question, "Go ahead."

She smiled, "Fanfiction."

I returned the smile, "What about it?"

"Love it? Hate it? Any favorites?"

I finished the last of my beer, considering how honest to be. I went all in. "I'm human. I got curious. For about a week. It doesn’t bother me. If a character I brought to life feeds someone's creativity I’m flattered. There are good stories and good writers out there. One of those could write a script, hell, for all we know someone who won an Oscar used to write fanfic."

"Real person stuff?"

I bobbed my head back and forth while looking at Dawn. "Still fiction and no more me than Bucky is. The imagination and amount of time spent on me is still flattering. All that's a step away. Now, the thirst tweets. Those are the things I wonder if people realize I see that. Fanfic is about an imagined version of me. Tweets and comments on Instagram are directed to me."

Caleb jumped in, "I bet you get the same things live at photo ops and shit though."

I nodded, "Some people lack boundaries."

Cindy said, "You looked uncomfortable reading those thirst tweets."

"Sort of." I laughed, "I wasn't embarrassed by content, just reading them out loud."

There were a few more questions before the whistle blew for the start of the game. I said, "Boyfriend time" and turned around.

It was another nail biter of a game. They lost the second set. All of us were screaming and clapping. It was a lot of fun. I liked this, being the spectator while hanging with her friends. I’ve always liked going to things and being the support person for friends. Fuck knows I’ve asked that from them enough. What I didn’t like was that this place didn't have Reese cups and the deck was too high for a between set kiss. Piece of shit dive bar.

They won the final set with a rejected spike by Becky and Nick. The team jumped in the air and hugged. So did Sam, Mallory, Scott, and I. I moved out of the middle to get to her first. In my head, I could hear Sam calling me hopeless.

I walked toward the opening to the court and met them, handing out words of praise. Emma stepped onto the deck and crossed the short distance into my arms. I kissed her head, "You did good."

"Thank you." She left my arms, kissed me, and took my hand. "It was a fun game. And I didn’t hurt myself."

We headed back to the table talking about plays and laughing. Emma sat down and pulled a beer from the bucket. I leaned my elbows on the counter behind me between Emma and Mallory, stretching out my back to reverse the hunching over during the game. I watched her profile as she talked with her friends. I could stand here looking at her all night. It didn't take long before I saw her energy drain away. Her smile shrank and her eyes lost their sparkle. I stood up, tucked a piece of hair that had escaped her ponytail, behind her ear, and waited until she turned her head like I knew she would. "You're tired." Not a question. She nodded. I turned to Mallory, "You ready?"

"Anytime."

I put Emma's bag on my shoulder. Emma stood up, "We're heading out."

Several other people said they were too. It wasn't late, but it was a weeknight.

I waited while they hugged their goodbyes. Mallory was back to me first. I slung my arm around her shoulder, "She's like a hostess saying good night to her guests."

Emma heard me and smiled. She joined us and I put my arm around her too. "Nice to meet everybody. I’m sure we'll do this again. Have a good night."

The three of us walked around the building to the CRV. I put in the code, opening the passenger and rear door, closing it behind them. I could see Mallory put a hand on Emma's arm and while I could tell they were talking I couldn't hear them. I walked a little slower around to the driver's side.

They didn't stop when I got in. Mallory was telling Emma about the questions during warm-up. When I turned to back out, Emma looked at me, "I'm sorry you were uncomfortable."

I smiled, "It was fine."

Emma's hand went to the back of neck, "I don't like you being uncomfortable. My friends making you feel that way."

"I don't enjoy it either, but it's part of being with you. You get my fans and a lot of other bullshit. I get your friends. I got less uncomfortable as they got used to me." I took her hand from my neck, kissing it before laying our joined hands on my leg. "I did like you going protective. You handled it well."

Emma barked a short laugh, "I wasn't ok with them objectifying you."

Mallory added, "I call them Barbie Bitches for a reason."

I laughed, “I’ve survived worse.” Emma leaned over and kissed my cheek. “See, all worth it.”

“Emma, you know they’ve sent out shit. Your room is going to be Grand Central tomorrow.”

Emma sighed. I thought to say something but wanted to hear from her first. I wasn’t surprised by her response. “You can stay at home if you want.”

“Without you?”

“Yeah, I have to get packed up but you don’t have to go.”

“Nope.” It was never an option. “What sort of an asshole would I be if I’m not willing to deal with your co-workers dropping by your classroom. I promise you what you’re going to have to deal with will be much worse.”

“I get that, but to be fair, there’s not been much fall out from your fans.”

From the back seat I heard, “There will be. Probably is, but you don’t have an online presence to know.”

I nodded backward, “What she said.”

“I don’t know how your fans react to girlfriends, but I was a huge One Direction fan. Fans were brutal to their girlfriends. One released a cookbook and they left shitty reviews bringing her rating down on Amazon. Death threats to one if they broke his heart. They went all the way back in their social media and dug up shit. Hopefully, your fans are older.”

“Not always.” I guess this is when we’re going to talk about this. Maybe having a friend who’d been a fan would be helpful. “I won’t say fans cause breakups, but they don’t help. It’s complicated. There’s more nice than ugly, but a lot of time the ugly is really ugly. Like you said, trashing her career, her cookbook because of who she’s dating. Girlfriends don’t always react well. Friends don’t always react well. The men, me, don’t always react well. I’m good at hiding when I don’t want to be seen, but I don’t understand people who can hide whole relationships for years. Hell, we’ve already been spotted having lunch. Two weeks in. I don’t know what the right answer is, because I haven’t found it.”

Emma jumped in, "On the plane home I went looking around. There is a blog with all your relationships. Chronologically."

I'm sure I looked horrified. Because I was. "I don't want to know that. I don't want you to know that."

Emma grimaced and shook her head. "I didn't read any relationship stuff. I'd have to give you my high school and college diaries to equalize the invasiveness." She faked a shudder and Mallory laughed. Emma continued, "I was looking for fan reaction. There were links to Instagram posts, Twitter threads, and other blog posts. They have lots of opinions."

"Yeah, I know."

"You can't win." She pointed at herself, "Neither can I."

She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. "And you're still here. Are you crazy?" This was a legitimate question.

Emma reached over to play in my hair again, "Only about you. I'm going to focus on what I can do something about. You and I. I'm too curious to not look, and I can't promise it won't get to me, but at the end of the day I get you." She leaned across the console and I met her for a kiss. "Also going to keep my shit on private."

Mallory spoke again, “I know it’s totally none of my business.”

I interjected, “Wouldn’t be discussing in front of you if we weren’t ok with your opinion. Sometimes outside opinions see things better. Especially if you watched a fan meltdown before. Thank fuck I’m not in One Direction.”

“Can you sing?”

“Not in a way anyone wants to pay to hear. Maybe a charity karaoke or something.” I liked injecting laughter into a not funny conversation. I worried about this. I worried about Emma get drug through shit.

“I think you have to find a balance. You can’t do something because of fans, but you can’t avoid things either. Fans don’t react well to being kept in the dark, but they are quick to be pissed by baiting or what they think is rubbing their face in something.” She put her hand on her chest, “For me, and remember I was seventeen, I didn’t care about casual dates or whatever, but if it was serious and they were being spotted everywhere it was different. Then it becomes fans creating their own stories if they don’t have the real thing. Some fans got pissed when they could see what was going on, but being told nothing was going on. Felt like they were being lied to or treated like crazy fans. Again, with balance. How much are you ok with revealing versus how much fiction is tolerable. Emma’s right. You can’t win.”

I waited until we got to a stoplight and turned to look at Mallory, “Now, you’ve given me things to think about.”

Mallory shrugged, “I think you play to the sane stable fans. The others are going to create chaos no matter what.”

“Ummm.” I was full of thoughts.

Emma chuckled, “Will you be filling me in on these thoughts.”

“When I’m done overthinking and sorting through them.”

They went back to talking and I tried to leave all the thoughts behind. They needed to simmer. I’d look at them later. When we reached Mallory’s place I jumped out and ran around to the other side of the car. I pulled Mallory into a hug. Initially, she tensed and I was afraid I’d entered unwanted affection territory, but she quickly relaxed and hugged me back. I’d just surprised her. “Thank you for everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Emma was smirking when I got back in, “What?”

“I think you get comfortable with people before they’ve totally adapted to you.”

I knew what she meant. “I hug too quick.”

“No, no, no. Not too quick. It’s just fun to watch the reaction because getting used to talking to you is very different than being in your arms. You up close is better looking than you a few feet away. Your blue eyes. And your arms and chest feel . . . mmm.” She shimmied in the seat, “So good.”

“That may be just you.”

She started laughing. Hard. “I don’t think you believe that.”

She was right. I started laughing with her, “I do know I can cause a reaction. Not gonna lie, it’s fun.”

“I can’t wait to see you with a group of fans..”

“It’s a mind fuck. Prepare to deflate my ego. I can get a little out of hand after events.”

“Really?”

I nodded, “Part of why I take friends with me when I can. Hours of screaming, crying, and shaking fans. Being told your gorgeous and they love you. The stories about what something I’ve done has meant to them. It’s all pretty heady shit.”

“Plus all the hugs and inappropriate comments from beautiful women.”

Well, I walked myself into this. Luckily, I could tell she was teasing me and not taking it seriously. “You know how visual I am.”

“You just bring all that pent-up sexual energy home to me and we’ll work it off.” She patted my thigh. “And if you’re getting too cocky we’ll go to a Pearl Jam concert and you can feel the love rolling off fifty thousand plus people all at once.”

Comparatively, I ain’t shit.

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfiction #sebastian stan X ofc #marvel actor fanfiction

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royalbloodedbastards · 4 years ago

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self-para // inconveniences

DATE: Saturday, December 26, 2020 CHARACTERS: Roy, Sefa, and Linnaea ABOUT: Roy meets Linnaea. Sefa is there.

Give me a minute to unburden myself here. It is so damn inconvenient to be the son of a loa.

Even all the way over in New Orleans, I heard all about these demigods living in New Athens, this metropolitan city on Long Island that was built by the gods. Freakin’ nature spirits have been gossiping about it from coast to coast, saying the streets are paved with marble and there are fountains of youth. And you know what? I believe it. The Greek gods love to meddle in the affairs of their children, cause them problems and then make up for it by giving them all these extravagant gifts. Probably makes them feel young again, like they’re more than just pretty figureheads sitting on golden thrones.

But there’s no metropolitan haven like that for the kids of the loa. There aren’t even that many of us to begin with, definitely not enough to stand up to spirits that have way better things to do than spoil their kids. And you know what? It’s better that way. I don’t need a rich god daddy to build cities and subsidize my living for me. Nah. I love living high-flood-risk, mold-infested, landlord-controlled housing.

Freakin’ love it.

The real inconvenience is all the crap I inherited from my dad.

Like, take this guy for instance, the one that’s staring me down from the other side of his blinding headlights. First of all, inconsiderate. Turn off your damn headlights, asshole, you’re gonna give me eye damage. Secondly, why is this guy looking at me like I’m going to kill him? I’m literally standing here in a parking lot, completely unarmed, while he’s staring me down from the driver side of a literal automobile. In terms of danger, I would say the redhead’s got the upper hand. But even so, I can’t totally blame him. I know the look he’s giving me.

My dad—er, sorry. My sperm donor’s got a real intense look about him. Makes sense, with him being the Master of the Dead and whatever, but it’s not really a look I wanted for myself. I try really hard to dress nice and carry myself well, but these freakin’ purple eyes and the comically-on-the-nose skull-shaped vitiligo across my face really don’t help my cause. The kids in middle school used to say that it was a tattoo, that I applied bleach on my skin in the shape of skull to look cool and that it probably messed up my eyes in the process. The rumors got so bad the principal pulled me aside to ask if I was engaging in ‘potentially harmful cosmetic procedures’. I told him to go fuck himself.

Oh, that’s the other thing too. I can’t control what comes out of my mouth sometimes. I’ll be thinking one thing and something completely unrelated, and oftentimes pretty vulgar, will just come flying out. I’m not even much on cursing, it just happens. Another thing I get from my dad, apparently.

“I have her,” the ginger calls out to me from behind the beams of light. “She’s in the backseat.”

It takes a full ten seconds for my eyes to adjust from the vicious assault of his headlights. Then, the shape of a person starts forming through the backseat window. “Holy fuck.” Pardon my French. “You really went for it. I didn’t ask you to break her nose.”

“Yeah, well…” He trails off into a mumble, like he’s embarrassed about it. “She deserved it.”

If this guy didn’t have a chick tied up in the backseat of his car, I would’ve pegged him for a total soft body. One of those only-drinks-bottled-water types.

Eh, I still do.

“Bring her inside,” I instruct. I don’t stick around to see how he’s planning to get her out of the car without looking suspicious. Whatever. Not my job. I key card my way into the motel room and wait for him to bring the girl in. I watch as he slings her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and waddles his way toward the door. “You can set her down on the bed.” He does as he’s told and drops her down onto the nasty bedding. A little blood smears onto the sheets, probably adding another layer to the hooker blood and cum that’s already baked into the bed. “Does she need medical attention?”

“Nah,” the ginger responds. “I mean… Probably not. They’ll just give her some ambrosia back at camp.”

Ambrosia, wow. The literal food of the gods and they just give it out to their kids like cough drops. Freakin’ Greeks.

“Well, I need her awake to talk.”

“She was awake half an hour ago.”

“And now she’s unconscious.”

“Yeah, but she was awake before.”

“And now,” I repeat slowly, “she is un-con-scious.”

Ginger sighs and kneels by the bed. He slaps her unceremoniously across the face a few times. “Be gentle,” I plead in a tone that sounds very unintentionally sarcastic. “You already broke her nose.”

“Hey,” he barks. “Wake up.” Jesus Fictional Christ, this guy is a brute. “Hey, do you hear me? Wake up.”

The girl stirs and pushes his hand away. “What do you want?”

“You’re awake,” I state, reiterating the obvious. “Good. I wasn’t in the mood to dig a grave tonight.”

The girl lifts her head and grimaces at me. “Are you Gabriele?”

“No, you’ve got the wrong number. I’m Roy.” I stick out my hand for her to shake, but hers are tied. “Oh yeah. Sorry.” I drop it.

“What the fuck do you want with me?”

“I heard from a little birdie that you’ve become quite the budding, young necromancer.”

“She’s what?” Ginger looks at me concernedly.

“A necromancer,” I repeat. “Reeling spirits back from the dead like a nasty little fisherman.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she spits.

“Au contraire, I have friends in all sorts of places. Cities, villages, the woods outside of New Athens.” The color drains from her face. Well, all the color except for the crusty red stain around her nose. “Nobody is ever truly alone, you see. Even the most desperate of men, on their last dying breaths, as they succumb to the fear that not even God is watching over them… There is somebody watching. It may not be their god, but someone is watching.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Right to the point, then. Good.” I sit down on the opposite end of the bed, giving enough distance to make sure that none of the blood she’s spitting gets onto my jeans. “The gods are not happy with you.”

“Hades?” Ginger chimes in.

“Yes, that’s one,” I respond with a nod. “And Hel, the Norse goddess. And the Shinigami. Ever heard of them? In fact, Chitragupta, Xipe Totec, King Yama, Xorn—all of the gods are pretty mad.”

“Why are they mad at me?” The girl’s voice cracks as she speaks. I can tell I’m getting into her head. “I I have nothing to do with them.”

“But you do. You see, when you disrespect the laws of one god, you disrespect them all,” I explain. “The laws of life and death are sacred, no matter which theology you subscribe to. The living belong in the land of the living, and the dead belong in the Underworld, the afterlife, Heaven and Hell—whatever you want to call it. But if one underworld starts giving out free passes to the land of the living, then all of the spirits in all those other places I mentioned are going to start to get jealous. Suddenly, you have millions, if not billions, of undead hearing about this one girl who managed to get her brother a second chance, and they all start to think, why shouldn’t I get one too. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

The room is silent for a moment. I think that means my explanation worked.

Thank freakin’ god.

A bit of a sidetrack confession here—I’m totally lying my ass off. All the other gods probably don’t give a shit, it’s not like the dead are going to form an uprising against their literally omnipotent, all-powerful overlords. In fact, one of the gods I mentioned was actually an X-Men and I’m so freakin’ relieved neither of them seemed to pick up on that. If I’m being real here, I’m just doing this because I was hired to.

The third reason it’s inconvenient to be the son of a loa: all the gods suddenly assume that just because I have these powers that I’m entitled to use them to help others.

Look, all I ever wanted to do was listen to classical music and play Animal Crossing in bed, eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and Arizona Iced Tea. Hades was the one who sought me out and thought, ‘hey, wouldn’t it be a great idea to ruin this kid’s life by making him into a mercenary for all these tiny deities and death spirits to use at will?’ And, like I said before, spirits and gods love to gossip. One death god heard that there was a mercenary willing to do the dirty, busy work and they recommended him to a friend, who recommended him to another friend, who recommended him to another friend, et cetera and so forth. And all the while, my New Horizons island is in freakin’ shambles because nobody is giving me a free day to clean up all the weeds that have sprouted all over my outdoor-waterfall-patisserie.

“So what do you want from me,” the girl repeats, “if not just to kill me?”

“What I want…” I lean in close so she can see right into the lavender glint of my irises. These eyeballs are a pain in the ass for grocery shopping but for times like this, I swear there’s no better weapon. “Is relief.”

#mus.roy #mus.linnaea #mus.sefa #rel.linnaea&roy #rel.roy&sefa #frm.selfpara

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linettiewizowski · 5 years ago

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So I saw this one post from someone on their opinion of the love square. And I really wanted to point out a few things but their replies are turned off.... So I'm answering it here anyways.

(This rant is very long, not kidding, if ya feel like reading what's basically a big ass PowerPoint then go right ahead)

- Being a child does NOT give you a pass to stalk, be possessive over, steal from, invade the boundaries, invade the personal space, of someone you have a crush on.

That is wrong. Children should not be allowed to carry on such innapropriate, behavior. No one should.

- Children need guidance and protection. They cannot always learn or handle things on their own....that should be obvious with Marinette and especially Adrien.

Plus-

°I don't think Tom & Sabine ever expected Marinette to be a stalker....so they would never think to teach her otherwise.

- Yes I know she does realize what she's doing is wrong.....but then she just continues anyways. (Or maybe it only seems like she didn't stop because the episodes are out of order? But even then she STILL acts like this in newer episodes so I'm still sticking to what I said.)

°Adrien.......needs to be taken away to a safe & stable household. (Please let Emelie awaken soon, maybe she'll set things straight. Gabriel deserves a divorce & prison.) Even so, Gabriel does recognize such unhealthy behavior. Gabriel also would not at all expect his son to behave so innapropriately. I am purdy sure he thinks Adrien is "perfect." He even calls Adrien "perfection" in one episode. - It would not even cross his mind to teach his son proper etiquette concerning a crush.

>Ahem, Adrien's possessive, territorial, pushy, somewhat obsessive, Jealous, sometimes moody behavior concerning his feelings for Ladybug.

Constantly hitting on her, flirting with her, getting up in her space, when she has repeatedly showed him that she is NOT interested in him. Even when she revealed she had feelings for another boy he kept pushing.

- The episode where he thought he had right to be angry when she "stood him up" when - The way "Chat" said it & the way "Lady" reacted? Lady only saw it as a dinner between friends.....He then went on to set up an obviously romantic candlelight dinner.

- Once again, Ladybug has made it specifically clear, she is not interested.

Lady did not even fully agree to said dinner. She said she had plans.

Adri-Chat asked "If they end early, come join me?" Lady said "We'll see."

- That is not a yes, that is a maybe. He didn't even take HER plans into account, didn't even think "Well maybe her plans didn't end early." He just gets mad. And Lady should not have been made to feel guilty just because Adri-Chat cannot seem to take/understand a no & a maybe.

- Adri-Chat getting jealous when that one artist expressed his crush on Ladybug and going on to cross Lady's boundaries by lying about the reality of his & Lady's relationship.

(Yes I know, that dude was an adult and Lady-Mar actually a teen. But at that point in the show I'm pretty sure no one could guess the age of Lady & Chat (strangely) and like Spooderman no one thought them to be actual children.) Adri-Chat did that without thinking or even asking for Lady's input. Not cool at all.

- Acting all happy, triumphant when they regained their memories in Oblivio and Alya caught a pic of their amnesiac selves kissing.

What Adri-Chat says: "We're meant for eachother Milady, you're the only one who doesn't see it." (Okay sigh, this boy.)

1. That is a totally uncalled for, arrogant and presumptuous thing to say to Ladybug.

2. (Entirerly From Adri-Chat's perspective) Oblivio erases memories right? So Adri-Chat doesn't even consider the erasion of Lady's supposed crush on this other boy. Leading her to fall her HIM yes, but that's not the point.

Neither of them were in their right minds, as they had no memories. From HIS perspective Lady did not remember her crush on this other boy, if she did, she would not have fallen for Chat at the time of the memory erasion.

Adri-Chat does not at all think about that, all the while STILL ignoring her feelings for the other boy. Nope, he thinks this is some kind of encouragement to keep harassing her because "Maybe she'll choose me one day?" A.K.A. "Maybe she'll come around one day?" - (contemplating calling it sexual harassment because the characters of course do not get sexual, it being a kid's show) But his intent is to get her to date him....Hm. It is still harassment though.

>Ahem,hem. Marinette's obsessive, compulsive, possessive, territorial, jealous, fanatical, controlling, a LOT of times single minded, stalker behavior concerning her feelings for Adrien.

°Same drill - Not dating (Even if they were, still wrong just adding in)

°Adrien has not at all made his feelings clear on anyone (from Mari's perspective)

°Has not shown romantic interest in her.

°Adrien is not aware of her behavior at all. Not even when he spots all of the pictures of him in her room does he get it. (Being too naive is a very bad thing Adrien.)

°Marinette sometimes acts as if Adrien belongs to HER and no one else can have him. She goes to great, ridiculous and sometimes extreme heights just to keep girls she sees as rivals away from him.

She goes overboard, embarrasses herself, acts immature & compulsive. Sometimes she gets mean.

°Chloe & Lila being horrible is no excuse for her to treat Adrien like a possession, and also like he isn't an intelligent person who cannot notice obvious/strange things or protect himself.

(The plot is confusing yes, Adrien not noticing Mari is Ladybug, giving Chloe multiple chances/still being her friend, Being sympathetic to Lila.

While ALSO in some cases being close to connecting the dots to Mari being Lady, Condemning Chloe's outrageous behavior even in one instance totally putting his foot down, and being one of the only people to see through Lila's lies and side with/protect Marinette....though not exactly how he should.) Chalk it up to not that great writing = serious plotholes.

Anyways

°Adrien can kiss, hang out with, travel with, talk to and date whoever he wants. Mari has NO right to manipulate situations where he can't do that. I.E Controlling behavior.

°Now, Kagami is not a bad person. (More than Half the fandom's treatment of her is very disappointing.) Yes I know, she can be harsh, standoffish and cold sometimes. But-

°She does not intend to be mean, she does not, nor does she want to bully anyone. She does not bully Marinette. She just wants Marinette to stop being indecisive and flighty because Kagami ALSO likes Adrien (and by the way she was raised) does not think people should be so indecisive & hesitant or they'll miss important chances for them to take in life.

°Kagami does not think Mari is right for Adrien no, but as soon as she thinks Adrien is interested in Mari? She immediately backs off & respects his wishes. She only engages again when Adrien shows interest in her again.

°Then later on in the show she even attempts to make friends with Mari genuinely because she wants to make friends.....(and Mari doesn't understand because of Kagami's awkwardness but is also simultaneously clouded by her feelings for Adrien.) Kagami actually feels hurt when she finds out that Marinette initially didn't like her.

Kagami is a GOOD girl.

°Now, what Marinette did to Kagami in Animaestro before that was very unacceptable.

Temporarily teaming up with Chloe to sabotage/publicly humiliate/embarrass Kagami to "not let her get Adrien" "not let her take Adrien away," mess with Adrien's perception of her.

- Jumping to outrageous conclusions out of paranoia, panic and fear. (My cute child needs to be sat down and sternly talked to about this.)

- Trying to manipulate & take away Adrien's choice to decide whether he wants Kagami or not.

(I think this probably marked the episode where Mari's unhealthy/toxic behavior starts to spiral as new episodes come out. (And these ARE out of order so wth is up with Mari's unhealthy escalation lately?)

- Using Tiki for personal, jealous purposes to humiliate Lila in front of Adrien. Acting so irrational and heated in front of 2 civillains(from her perspective) Mari?

- Invading Adrien's home/room, touching everything, lying on his bed....sniffing his things? 😧 Without his consent just to leave a present....when she could have just left it on the window sill, not barge into his room and NOT act very creepy.

- Everything she did & said when she thought that Adrien was one of the wax statues.

😮😬😖 Marinette, honey noooooOOOooo.

ALL OF THIS?

Toxic/Unhealthy behavior. It very much is.

Let's not pretend please.

This is not acceptable period. I very much side-eye another's perceptions on the matter when they say "I knew people like this" "They turned out alright."

Oh...did they? Or is this simply what YOU are saying and we, the internet people don't have the full story?

I Kill Bill squint my eyes at the opinions of people who so easily dismiss toxic/unhealthy behavior.

This is not simply a discussion on fictional characters btw, but on the behavior itself ECT. and the fact that this person brought in real people as an example.

(Btw Any teens reading this? Young adults? Please remember to use protection when having sex. Babies are a high stress responsibility that a person who is either still a kid or a very young adult should not be handling or have to handle. "Results may vary" and all that. Another person's experiences aren't guaranteed to be yours and we already have COUNTLESS evidence that having babies while young is NOT a good idea. Please & Thank you.)

In response to a little tidbit in that person's post.) Anyways.

- Being mature while in a relationship is very important. That much is apparent.

In the context of the show for these 2 teens they are in love with one another.

You cannot behave like all of THIS if you wish to maintain a relationship with someone.

This is not grounds for a healthy, safe, respectful relationship.

°Not respecting your friend or spouse, their choices, their boundaries, their space, their being makes you a borderline abusive person.

(Guys c'mon.) If Adrien & Marinette were real people? They would be very creepy, toxic kids. Hell we DO have some very toxic people, even children that act like this in real life. This is a no. All the no.

- Other ships in the show being unhealthy does not in no way invalidate or downplay the fact that Adrien & Marinette's behavior is unhealthy.

- There are many, many, many, many instances of their unhealthy behavior, not "just two." It's insulting that this person treats the fans who point this out as if we are some idiots who do not watch the show and therefore can not call out this obvious lie.

- There being moments where Adrien & Marinette actually behave theirselves for once does not at all erase or invalidate every single one of their toxic moments.

- The show does not do a good job of writing scenes where getting into these characters heads that behaving this way is unacceptable, at all. No character development there.

(Them giving up on persuing eachother at the end of the season does not address the toxic behavior. That is just them being tired of not getting the results that they want from their crushes.)

- It's hard for me to debate as well. Calling the whole ship unhealthy/toxic? In real life, no way josay would this be okay, in the show? Marinette & Adrien at their core ARE good kids. And they DO sometimes realize their mistakes. But it really, truly isn't enough. There is either not much or no consequences to their innapropriate behavior at all.

(You might say Chat Blanc, but that was circumstance because they didn't reveal their identities to each other in full, not consequence for Mari's creepy room invasion, that was separate.)

It's so debatable. These unhealthy behaviors should NOT be encouraged and the Love Square shouldn't be shipped during them.

I'm just gonna say that I hope with all my might that the writers get it into their heads that this is NOT okay to market to children and that they CANNOT expect kids to understand or tell what toxic behavior is or that the innapropriate things Adri & Mari do are okay.

THAT is a large issue above all else here.

(Let's get some major character development please.)

- "Sometimes you have to sacrifice when you love someone."

This sounds way left field and is not at ALL what the fans who protest Adri & Mari's toxic behavior are talking about.

- "I think a lot of the criticism comes from people who just don't understand love. Maybe they've never been in love."

How absolutely patronizing, condescending, presumptuous in itself and very ignorant.

That's not even. How do I respond to that?

Wow.

I am not repeating myself, I already wrote a whole darn essay. My answer to this is all of the above.

And lastly-

"But the love square is FAR from toxic.

Far, far, far from it."

...Hm. Hm Hm. Hm. Yes of course. 😐😐😐

Okey. I think I'm done here. It's literally been an hour gathering my thoughts, typing and editing this. Anybody who actually read all of this, feel free to comment? Note? I dunno, I'm new to Tumblr. Calling comments/replies "notes" is weird to me.

#miraculous ladybug #Answer to a weird post #Love Square #Toxic fictional relationships #Stalking in fiction #looong post #My poor sweet superhero children need proper parental guidance and serious help #REALLY long post #Unhealthy ships #toxic ships #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

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languidbones · 6 years ago

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Scorose Shipping Challenge

Just a bit of random fun. Stole this from @samesanegirl - apparently it’s really old but I thought, well why the hell not. If you’re into Scorose, feel free to answer these too – would love to read your response :D

1. When did you start shipping Scorose?

Early 2015, which is late af! But I was very on-and-off with the pairing (was into other fandoms at the time). I believe Cursed Child was released a year after I started to ship Scorose.

2. Favorite ship name: Scorose or Rosius?

Scorose. Nothing against Rosius – though it does sound like it could be the name of another Slytherin boy, doesn’t it?

3. Would you like J.K. Rowling to write a book about the next generation?

No. I did like Cursed Child for what it was, but based on what’s happening with Fantastic Beasts, I do think she should leave the magnificent HP universe alone now.

4. What is your favorite Scorose fan fiction, and what is it about?

I actually stopped reading Scorose fanfiction the moment I started writing them, because I have the tendency of not writing at all once I go on a reading binge. I just regret not bookmarking the ones I really loved, because I read too many to count! The one that still stands out in my mind in the sea of fic I did read is The Hospital Bed Monologue by Graeliars. It’s absolutely wonderful.

5. Which Houses do you believe that Scorpius and Rose would be sorted into? The same or different ones?

Slytherin Scorpius and Gryffindor Rose is a classic combination. But it’s interesting to imagine them in different houses for the fun of it, just to see what unexpected stories can come from those.

6. How do you think their relationship would evolve? Would they start off as friends, or start off as enemies?

I apologise for being a borefest, but I actually quite like the traditional friends-to-lovers trope, though this pairing is definitely capable of a compelling love/hate dynamic. In my mind, however, it’s not the starting point that matters; the story is always found in their differences. I’ve always loved the thought of them being completely indifferent to each other at the start, before friendship somehow happens... and then the attraction just hits them over the head like a Bludger! On the other hand, I’m also partial to the simple idea of Scorpius obsessing over Rose for a long time ala Cursed Child, before finding some (either hilarious or romantic) way of letting her know properly.

7. Say one of your personal headcanons.

Delinquent Scorpius has a crush on bookworm Rose, and she’s literally the only reason he goes to the library. It’s completely unoriginal and a total cliche... I hope to write it eventually rofl.

For some reason, I have the impression that Rose is an uncommonly sincere person, and that Scorpius – no matter what his behaviour – was raised to have beautiful manners.

8. Do you have a favorite Scorose video?

Ah, no. I much prefer the fan art.

9. Name a few songs that remind you of Scorose.

Old Fashioned by Bruno Major perfectly conveys the type of romance I see Scorose evolving into. Four Walls by Broods was also one of the first songs I associated with the pairing :)

10. Name some of your pet peeves in Scorose fan fictions.

- Pointless miscommunication. Or a character being obtuse even if something is blatantly obvious. If a matter can be easily solved with a conversation, solve it with a conversation and move on!

- Lack of female friendships for Rose, and showcasing other girls as unreasonably jealous, mean or bitchy.

- Sex without intimacy. Though this can definitely be hot if written well.

- One-dimensional Albus :( And in the same vein, unreasonable!Ron or cheerful!Draco.

- I hate the idea of Scorpius dating anyone else in the Potter-Weasley clan in a Scorose fic, ie. Lily or Dominique or whoever else.

- Constant focus on “Who are you dating??” in a fic gets old really quick, for me at least. I like it when we learn about Rose and Scorpius’ lives beyond their love lives.

- Rose being described as ‘one of the boys’ or ‘not like other girls’ – this saddens me the most, probably. She comes from a family full of strong, brilliant women. Of course she respects her own gender, and absolutely proud to be ‘one of the girls’.

11. Who do you think they were friends with?

Rose is definitely best friends with Albus and close to Lily. She and Hugo are cutely protective of each other. She’s really social, and is happy to have a large circle of friends beyond family.

An Albus/Scorpius friendship is practically a requisite. I do also like the idea of loner!Scorpius, or generally him just being choosey af about who he associates with. #standards

12. What personality do you reckon Rose would have?

Rose is wildly intelligent, but she isn’t book-smart the way Hermione is – rather, it’s her imagination and curiosity that defines her. She might fail a subject she has zero interest in, yet be the go-to expert on some hilariously obscure topic. Ron definitely treats her like the centre of his world, and Hermione will teach her well – as a result, Rose is affectionate, warm-hearted and well aware of her own worth. Her parents’ constant verbal sparring may also see Rose playing peacemaker from childhood, which makes her a bit of a supporting character in her own household... a role I see her accepting with grace and good humour.

13. What personality do you reckon Scorpius would have?

Scorpius’ childhood is fraught with opposing socio-political views from his parents and grandparents, and therefore he learns early on that he has to be vocal in order to defend what he believes in. Has the temper of a mad man, and the most tender of hearts. Thanks to Astoria, he has lovely manners; thanks to Draco, he does have a taste for the finer things in life. He’s deeply intriguing to others, but is reserved and hard to know – possibly his way of avoiding misunderstandings, as others aren’t likely to give Malfoys the benefit of the doubt. But once you win his friendship or love, he is loyal to a fault... and would move entire worlds to protect you. Also, as random as this is – I just see Scorpius as the sort who has a thing for expensive cars, and has zero qualms walking into a Ferrari showroom to buy something he doesn’t yet know how to drive.

14. Is Scorose a ship you’d typically ship (do you have ships that are similar to Scorose?) or are they unique to you?

This is so embarrassing but I literally die for the Bad Boy and Good Girl trope, which sometimes seeps into the way I write Scorose... I also ship Rey/Kylo Ren (Star Wars), for example. I used to adore Lily/James, but that was before we got to know James better in canon (and I’m not such a huge fan of that portrayal). I did also like Harry/Ginny a lot when I was younger. Maybe because I relate to her type of anxieties around a long-time crush.

15. Recommend a good Scorose blog (if you know one).

@scorpiusrose for sure. She’s like an encyclopaedia of Scorose fic, and half the reason I always give up on making reccs... just visit her lol.

#scorose #scorpius malfoy #rose weasley #scorpius x rose #harry potter #hp next gen #hp headcanon #rambles #hp fanfic

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preserving-ferretbrain · 6 years ago

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Red Seas Under Red Skies

by Wardog

Friday, 01 February 2008

Wardog praises with faint damnation~

I was nosing about Scott Lynch's LJ (which is endearingly titled The Dork Lord, on His Dork Throne) not so long ago and I came across this:

I was not a fan of the Wheel of Time books, probably because I came to them in my twenties with my tastes already fairly developed. I was never able to get past the opening of the second book, and those of you who've known me for ages I'm sure absorbed my criticism and invective years ago. I once wrote at excruciating length upon the weaknesses of the books as I perceived them, and while I thought it was extremely clever and somehow necessary at the time, the years since have drastically mellowed my taste for mocking the work of other authors who aren't huge assholes in person or pushing a distasteful agenda with their work. About the best I can say for my mosquito bites is that I sincerely hope Jordan himself never had them called to his attention. Something tells me he would have given them the eye roll they deserved.

And the sheer decency of it has sort of shamed me to such an extent (especially since I am a non-achiever who hangs about on the internet criticising other people's work) that I can hardly bring myself to review Red Seas Under Red Skies, especially since my attempt to write about The Lies of Locke Lamora degenerated into a (semi-harmless) mock-fest of Scott Lynch's hair. By the way the important word in that sentence was "hardly." With this mind and all due humility, here are some thoughts on Red Thingies Over/Under Red Other Thingies, which I shall hereafter refer to as RSURS for the sake of my sanity. It's the second book in the Gentleman Bastard sequence which will, I understand, eventually form a septet. I have to say, this idea distresses me. Not only has Harry Potter soured me on the number seven for life but, given the fact the fantasy genre generally can't cope with trilogies, the idea of a septet seems utterly ludicrous to me. I mean, what do you have to say that takes seven books? Seriously?

For the moment, however, Scott Lynch seems to have something to say. Ultimately there's no point in reading RSURS if you haven't read The Lies of Locke Lamora not because it doesn't almost stand alone but because familiarity with the background, the setting and the characters deepens the experience of reading. To give it due credit: RSURS is reasonably satisfying on its own terms. You can feel the slow gathering of plot upon the horizon like distant clouds (and fear the coming storm) and there are some massive danglers just left hanging in a deliberately taunting and irritating fashion but, hey, thems the breaks with this kind of thing. And, as in Lies, the mysterious Sabetha, the apparent love of Locke's life, is alluded to but remains absent: for fuck's sake, Lynch, stop it. You know she's just going to be a total let down after a build up like this.

The problems evident in Lies are evident in RSURS, only slightly moreso because you don't have the novelty factor of being a first book to distract you from them. If you didn't like Locke the first time round, you won't like him here because he's exactly the same and still, some might argue, something of a Mary Sue or the male equivalent thereof. Although I don't personally object to the love affair Scott Lynch is tenderly enacting with his (anti)hero, I do struggle somewhat with the character. As I think I said in my review of Lies, he's absolutely the nicest bastard you could ever hope to meet: he never harms or kills anybody who doesn't thoroughly deserve it, his supposedly long-dead conscience miraculously reappears whenever he's confronted by any sort of cruelty or injustice and his unswerving and self-sacrificing loyalty to his friends is a virtue of such magnitude that it eclipses everything remotely unsympathetic about him. It shouldn't, but that's the way fiction works: if your character cares about the same people as the reader, it doesn't really matter how that character behaves, they're always going to garner a degree of support and approval.

I wouldn't mind this so much if I didn't have the feeling that Locke is supposed to be a shady character for a dark world. Perhaps I have the wrong end of the stick and Locke was never meant to be anything but a big bleeding heart beneath a thin veneer of survivalist criminality but I don't think so. I think the problem with Locke Lamora is that he's neither enough of one thing nor its opposite: he's neither selfish enough to be a convincing anti-hero nor virtuous enough to be a convincing hero. I know part of his shtick is his shifting sense of self and I'm not averse to complicated, contradictory characters but I find Locke incoherent rather than complex. I'm genuinely uncertain as to what Lynch is trying to do with the character or what we're meant to think. I'm not saying he doesn't do terrible things - he mutilates someone (who, admittedly, deserves it) in the first book - but everything he does that's vile and shocking is excusable whereas everything he does that's compassionate is extraordinary. For example, in RSURS, he and Jean, hanging out a decadent casino called the Sinspire, witness an entertainment in which a young nobleman, unable to pay his debts, has to survive in cage of stiletto wasps. Needless to say he doesn't and Locke secretly makes a blessing over the young man's forgotten corpse:

"Crooked Warden," Locke muttered under his breath, speaking quickly, "a glass poured on the ground for a stranger without friends. Lord of gallants and fools, ease this man's passage to the Lady of the Long Silence. This was a hell of a way to die. Do this for me and I'll try not to ask for anything for a while. I really do mean that this time."

There is no reason for this scene to be in the book (not that it isn't cool) - there are plenty examples of the upper classes being cruel and bloodthirsty to make the point and if the stiletto wasps are at all relevant beyond providing atmosphere they're certainly not to this book. In fact, its only purpose is to remind us that Locke Lamora is great and to show him, thief and conman that he is, being humane in the face of the world's inhumanity.

Unlike some of the reviews I've read, I've never had a problem with the snappy, modern dialogue and the very modern obscenity. In fact, I genuinely relish it. Unfortunately, it was during RSURS that I realised something that had passed me by in the first book: it's the only kind of dialogue Lynch can write. Everyone sounds the same. Pirates, noblemen, thieves, priests Locke, Jean: they're interchangeable. Witty but interchangeable.

"And now, my dear professional pessimist," said Locke... "my worry merchant, my tireless font of doubt and derision ... what do you have to say to that? "Oh very little to be sure... it's so hard to think, overawed as I am with the sublime genius of your plan." "That bears some resemblance to sarcasm." "Gods, forefend," said Jean. "You wound me! Your inexpressible criminal virtues have triumphed again, as inevitably as the tides comes and go. I cast myself at your feet and beg for absolution. Yours is the genius that nourishes the heart of the world." "And now you're-" "If only there was a leper handy," interrupted Jean, "so you could lay your hands on him and magically heal him-" "Oh you're just farting out of your mouth because you're jealous."

And so on. And here we have Jean talking to his ladylove:

"Have you really been practicing on barrels Jerome?" "Barrels. Yes. They never laugh, they never ridicule you and they offer no distractions." "Distractions?" "Barrels don't have breasts." "Ah. So what have you been telling these barrels?" "This bottle of brandy," said Jean, "is still too full for me to begin embarrassing myself like that." "Pretend I'm a barrel then." "Barrels don't have br-" "So I've heard. Find the nerve, Valora." "You want me to pretend that you're a barrel, so I can tell you what I was telling barrels back when I was pretending they were you." "Precisely." "Well ... you have ... you have such hoops as I have never seen in any cask on any ship, such shiny and well-fit hoops-" "Jerome-" "And your staves! Your staves ... so well planned, so tightly fit. You are as fine a cask as I ever seen, you marvellous little barrel. To say nothing of your bung-."

See what I mean?

I think in my review of Lies I commented on the deftness and subtlety of the world building - well, in RSURS, the action has moved from a city made of elderglass to a city consisting of islands made of elderglass. Astonishing. And sadly the delicacy of touch seems to have been replaced by the typical fantasy fiction obsession with geographic detail. It's nowhere near Perdido Street Stationbut, as much as I enjoy Lynch's world, there's a bit too much of this sort of thing:

Tal Verrar, the Rose of the Gods, at the westernmost edge of what the Therin people call the civilised world. If you could stand in thin air a thousand yards above Tal Verrar's tallest towers, or float in lazy circles there like the nations of gulls that infest the city's crevices and rooftops, you would see how its vast, dark islands have given this place its ancient nickname. They whirl outward from the city's heart, a series of crescents steadily increasing in size, like the stylised petals of a rose in an artist's mosaic.

And so on for two or more pages at a time. A bit like this review really.

Also it has to be said, the plot makes no sense whatsoever. It attempts to follow the embedded narrative format of the first book but it feels strained: Lynch occasionally plays with chronology, explaining how events came about after they occur, and offers a few reminiscences but it's noticeably a device now, rather than the most natural vehicle to tell the story. And, like the first book, it begins with Locke and Jean mid-heist only to drag them - reluctant and swearing as ever - into much bigger events, allowing the plot to twist, turn, double back on itself and eventually come full circle in a strangely satisfying manner. Except this time, it turns out that the Archon of Tal Verrar wants them to become ... wait for it ... pirates. Yes. Pirates. Two conmen from the streets of Camorr. Pirates. Now, I know that pirates are just inherently cool and you can't go wrong with them but still, come on. What's next? Locke Lamora and some ninjas? Locke Lamora and zombies? I don't know whether to respect the sheer brass bollocks ludicrousness of it or complain bitterly because it has to be the most spurious excuse for a plot I've ever encountered. And the fact that even main characters complain about the stupidity doesn't actually counteract that stupidity:

"Send us out to sea to find an excuse for you, that's what you said," said Locke. "Send us out to sea. Has your brain swelled against the inside of skull? How the screaming fucking hell do you expect the two of us to raise a bloody pirate armada in a place we've never been and convince it to come merrily die at the hands of the navy that bent it over the table and fucked it in the arse last time."

This is Lynch's latest technique, by the way, one I think he might have borrowed from JK Rowling. He seems have developed a tendency to address the inevitable plot holes of his novels by having his characters draw attention to it. To be honest,

fridge logic

doesn't bother me - I don't care how Buffy the Vampire slayer pays the mortgage on her dead mother's house or how Sydney Bristow circles the globe in half an episode - but attempting to pass it off as anything other than what it is offends me. Having the Archon blackmail Locke and Jean into mustering a pirate armada for political reasons is little more than a blatant excuse for the author to have them messing about with pirates, which is in itself fair enough. However, having Locke and Jean constantly bitching about the insanity of the plan even as they enact it only serves to induce bouts of fridge logic before you're even anywhere near the fridge. It also leads to odd little moments like this:

"Why not?" [said Jean] "Why not? We carry your precious misery with us like a holy fucking relic. Don't talk about Sabetha Belacoros. Don't talk about the plays. Don't talk about Jasmer or Espara or any of the schemes we ran. I lived with her for nine years, same as you, and I've pretended she doesn't fucking exist to avoid upsetting you. Well I'm not you. I'm not content to live like an oath-bond monk. I have a life outside your gods-damned shadow."

Err...actually Jean, you're a sidekick. Haven't you noticed? You actually do not have a life outside Locke Lamora's gods-damned shadow. The more Lynch tries to demonstrate to the reader that Jean is a person in his own right the less convincing it becomes. All it does is illustrate the fact that whatever Jean does on his own account is completely meaningless because his only relevance is tied to his supporting role, a role to which he will always return. His short-lived relationship - although actually moderately engaging, while it lasts - is only further evidence of this. You can see its inevitably tragic conclusion approaching on the horizon like the sails of the good ship Obvious.

The other thing I'm feeling a little bit peeved is Lynch's reliance on a technique he seems to have ganked from Alias. Now, I'm not sure if it continues in the later seasons but the early episodes of Alias always end with a cliff-hanger. And at first I used to get tremendously caught up in them. Oh no, I'd cry, Sydney is hanging from a cliff with only her suspender belt between her and certain death. Oh no, Sydney's rival has locked her in the poison-gas filled vault. Oh no, Sydney is being held at gunpoint by the bad guys. And then I'd insist that we watched another episode to find out what was going to happen, only to be faintly disappointed when the desperate, deadly situation resolved itself harmlessly in about two minutes of screen time. RSURS opens with Locke and Jean caught at crossbow-point on the docks and then, gasp, ever-faithful Jean turns on Locke. The novel then spools backwards in time to show you how they got themselves into this mess and, yes, it's arresting except that it's basically just like Alias, a cliff-hanger critical on the surface but ultimately completely meaningless and wrapped up quicker than a streaker at a tennis match. A couple of similar situations happen over the course of the book and, despite the satisfactory resolution of the plot, there's one left right at the end. I suspect I'd be more interested/frustrated by this Tense and Terrible State Of Affairs if the experience of the rest of the novel hadn't led me to the conviction that it's merely there for affect.

Okay, so I've just written four pages of bitching about RSURS but the fact remains that, despite its flaws, despite everything in it that doesn't quite work for me, I still heartily enjoyed it and very nearly loved it. Pirates, for God's sake, pirates! It's not quite as taut as the first book but once Locke and Jean hit the high seas the pace really picks up and the book becomes wonderful fun, sweeping you along on sheer exuberance and panache. And, damn it all, that's good enough for me. Roll on book three.Themes:

Books

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Arthur B

at 01:09 on 2008-02-02It strikes me that the Gentleman Bastard series embodies a problem I have with lots of fantasy series, namely that one book is really enough. I've felt absolutely no urge to go and read RSURS, and most of the things you point out in the review cement that; sure, it seems to be more of the same, and that's well and good - at least it's not a serious decline. On the other hand, one

Lies of Locke Lamora

is enough for me - having read one book, I don't feel as though anything the other books say can really add anything. (I'm also utterly unconvinced that there's enough juice in the Gentleman Bastards concepts to fill 7 books. I mean, for goodness' sake, he's only on the second book in the series and already he's resorted to pirates.)

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empink

at 02:49 on 2008-02-02@ ArthurB: Forsooth, he *will* go to ninjas next.

You know, I had more faith in this guy. I thought he'd at least 'fess up about Sabetha whatshername, or tie the book back to the first one, or do something other than send Jean and Locke to cavort with pirates for no good reason. It made for fantastic cavorting and rather dull and simplistic reading, though-- I won't be buying any more sequels in hardback, or holding on to them out of guilt either.

Oh, and Kyra, the DIALOGUE. Everyone does sound the same, it's so boring. No one is allowed to be stupid, or say frightening things without twisting themselves into witty shapes and cursing fit to kill themselves. It was all right in the first book, but in RSURS, it starts to look like lack of imagination on Lynch's part.

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Arthur B

at 12:04 on 2008-02-02Yeah, I can think of several points in the first book where I had to start reading a conversation again from the beginning because I lost track of who was who. It's this really weird blind spot in Lynch's writing; he can, when he tries, differentiate between characters in terms of disposition, personality, and so forth, and you can tell that by looking at their actions. (To pick the most obvious example, Jean is far more inclined to charge headlong into a fight like a raging bull than Locke is.) But he's chronically incapable of differentiating them when they're speaking.

I can only assume that he finds dialogue difficult (and to be fair, dialogue

difficult), and is trying to compensate by finding a style of dialogue he's quite good at and applying it to everyone.

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Wardog

at 14:23 on 2008-02-04I'm glad the dialogue thing isn't only me ... it's the main problem I have with the series to be honest, despite all my trivial bitching above. After a while, it gets really wearing and the characters all start blurring into each other because I find that it's language rather than behaviour that distinguishes people in books - heh, she says, massively generalising.

I think I must be less bothered by "more of the same" than Arthur is - I genuinely enjoyed both books and I'll happily read more (although I've never splashed out a hardback of either, so the cost of my good will is significantly cheaper than Empink's!) as long as they stay on this kind of level (or get better!). I do find them a nice antidote to ponderous, serious fantasy. I genuinely dig the exuberance and the irreverence.

Also I've been poking about Scott Lynch's personal sites and he seems like a pretty decent, charmingly humble guy...

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Cheriola

at 16:16 on 2014-07-26You know, oddly most of the things you mention didn't bother me at all. Except the utter pointlessness of the opening cliffhanger.

The only thing I did have a problem with is the way Jean shames Locke out of his depression, and Locke keeps apologising for "letting Jean down" in those few weeks for literally the next two years. I mean, in this book, it still reads like he's just mourning/recuperating a little too self-indulgently and maybe like he has a really short bout of alcoholism - but since the next book starts pretty much the same (except Locke has even more good reason to be depressed), and Jean then actually makes a reference to some kind of mental disorder (more something like Freud's innate death wish than depression, but still), it becomes problematic in hindsight. Especially since, either intentionally or not, Locke pretty much reads like a textbook case for bipolar disorder (spending most of each book in a manic phase), if you read all 3 books right after another. So for largely-neurotypical Jean to go "If I can handle our losses, why can't you?" and being sucessful at shaming/angering Locke out of suicidal depressive phases, that's rather problematic in my eyes. I know it fits with the setting that nobody has a clue about modern psychology and how Locke's mood issues are a disease, not willful misbehaviour, but Lynch should find a way to make at least narratively clear that Jean isn't right to do this. Besides, that kind of shaming would just make things worse with a real depressive person.

By the way, I'm fairly sure Locke is supposed to be a straight up trickster hero. Like Robin Hood, or the characters of the show "Leverage". He's not just a crook, he's also a priest and he really does believe in his duty to the dead and that holy mission for class revenge that Father Chains put them all on. (Even if this was retconned into this book and not in the first.) If anything he gets ever kinder from book to book. I think the third one literally points out that Camorr culture is particularly brutal, macho and homophobic compared to all the other city states, and much of Locke's initial darkness is part of his culture (like for example an extreme belief in having to take personal, blood-feud style vengeance) and that this is supposed to be a character flaw. But as he spends time in other cultures, he grows out of some of it. For example, in the first book, he calls the villain homophobic slurs several times. After encountering the queer-positive pirates in the second novel and that little discussion with "I'll try anything once - or 5 or 6 times" guy, he never does that again. And by book 3, when encountering a random pair of gay lovers making out in a garden and being tempted to go through their discarded clothing for their wallets, he stops his kleptomaniac impulse by reminding himself that doing malice to happy lovers would be bad karma.

Also, the losses of his friends, the brush with alcoholism and several with death have seemed to have made him a lot more sympathetic with other people's failings and tragedies. I actually really liked this character development. Yeah, he starts out as a bit of a cock-sure, obnoxious ass, but he does grow up and mellow out over the years, as one should expect.

Heh, but one character actually goes into a rant in the 3rd book about how Father Chains ruined them all for life as hardened, greed-motivated criminals by saddling them with a conscience. So I guess Lynch sees your problem.

By the way, can you really call a character a Mary Sue if literally none of his grand plans for cons ever work out, sometimes because of his own sheer stupidity (e.g. forgetting the cats), sometimes because his mark is just plain cleverer than him (e.g. the paintings), and the author takes an almost perverse delight in beating the crap out of him on a regular basis?

And, as in Lies, the mysterious Sabetha, the apparent love of Locke's life, is alluded to but remains absent: for fuck's sake, Lynch, stop it. You know she's just going to be a total let down after a build up like this.

I thought so, too, and got annoyed at the on-the-pedestal-putting. But now that I've read book 3, which features Sabetha both at about age 30 and when they were both teenagers: She's not. She's really, truly not. In fact, I was genuinely amazed at Sabetha - she's the best feminist (NOT straw-feminist!) character I've ever seen a male author write. And even if half of her discussions with Locke function mainly to introduce the male part of the audience to concepts like male entitlement to female sexuality, Nice Guy behaviour, Shroedinger's Rapist, victim blaming, the general frustration inherent in being an ambitious, highly talented woman in a patriarchal society and the frustration of being in love a with patriarchally socialised guy (who messes up occasionally even if he tries very, very hard not to, and who can't help the unfair male privilege that said society gives him), and that what feminists most want in a man is the ability to listen and learn - even if she's a bit of a mouthpiece in that regard: It's for a good and noble cause, and the author's heart is in the right place. And besides, there still is a clever, head-strong, angry, conflicted, and of course snarky character behind all the Issues. Her characterisation and reasons for leaving are thoroughly believeable, and also function as an Author's Saving Throw by actually pointing out in-text that the worldbuilding in the first book was problematic. Locke and Sabetha are still in love when they meet again, and they are surprisingly mature about their falling out and their attempts to fix it (if not in their professional rivalry...)

And Locke's adoring pedestal-putting, claiming her to be the love of his life, and his whole fixation on her are just that, quite literally - and the text seems aware that it is creepy, and the only thing that saves it is the fact that Locke is absolutely respectful of Sabetha's wishes and never, ever would force so much as a kiss on her. (I found the retconned-in reason for the fixation a bit sad, though: Until book 3, Locke could be read as demisexual for only ever being romantically/sexually attracted to one person. Then it's retconned as having creepy magical reasons that I don't want to spoil.)

The only thing about Sabetha I found a little... amusing, was that teenage Locke was almost too understanding and willing to accept anything feminism-related that she says and to change accordingly. Like I bet the author wishes he was at the age of 16, now that he finally gets it. Still, again, if it serves as a positive role model for male teenage readers, I'm fine with that kind of Mary-Sue-ism. Maybe it's a little preachy, especially since Lynch tries to cover so many topics, but I was just smiling through the whole thing. We do need more books like this.

The con plot of book 3 is a bit meh (basically it's a satire about 'democratic' elections, where Sabetha and Locke are press-ganged into controlling the campaign of one rivaling but politically indistinguishable party each, with all methods allowed short of murder, all ostensibly just for the entertainment of the people who really control the power in this 'republic' - their lives are being threatened to keep them in line, but it just doesn't have the personal stakes and sense of danger that the previous books had), and the teenage flashback is largely about the gang having to stage an annoyingly faux-Shakespearean play while conning a noble into paying for the production. So the relationship between Locke and Sabetha and the object lesson in how to make feminism 101 easily digestible in a fantasy novel, really are the main draws of the book. The meta plot for the series gets going right at the end, though. Which to me felt a bit like jumping the shark, but YMMV.

But I really do recommend the 3rd book, even if the plot is a little weak. Just for the sheer surrealness of reading a male author who manages to get practically everything right with regards to feminism. I mean, I've just read Elizabeth Bear's "Carnival" thinking she must have been the one to teach Lynch - but even she had like two dozen points in that ecofeminist polemic that made me headdesk.

(That book also needs a Ferret review, by the way. It's not thoroughly bad, as such, but the social philosophising made me uncomfortable and I wasn't always sure if I was supposed to be, and the worldbuilding has huge holes at least from my biologist/ecologist point of view. Still, queer protagonists are rare and deserve a mention.)

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Robinson L

at 20:15 on 2016-12-21

Cheriola: You know, oddly most of the things you mention didn't bother me at all. Except the utter pointlessness of the opening cliffhanger.

That pretty much sums up my feelings about the book, too. I guess I just think of this series as running on Rule of Cool and nothing else. Locke and Jean become pirates? Sure, why not? Doesn’t make sense? Who cares? And of course they’re going to complain about how ridiculous the Archon’s plan for them is, but that’s part of the fun.

Dialogue’s all the same? Ehn, so what? It’s all fun. And like you, I relish the modern snappiness/obscenity.

I mean, I don’t blame Wardog or Empink or anyone else who is bothered by this stuff, but just for myself, it seemed fine.

Wardog: I genuinely dig the exuberance and the irreverence.

That’s me, all the way (well, more like ~90% …)

I think the series is of two minds about whether Locke is actually supposed to be kind of an awful person or a stand up guy who happens to be a criminal—but as explained in my comment to the

Lies

review, I’ve chosen not to engage with those aspects and treat the whole thing as a rollicking adventure yarn. I will, however, once again point out a couple instances from this book of Character We’re Supposed to Root For Acts Like a Shitheel and Is In No Way Critiqued For It By the Text presently.

Re: description

And sadly the delicacy of touch seems to have been replaced by the typical fantasy fiction obsession with geographic detail.

Okay, here we come to a criticism I wholeheartedly agree with. Ye GODS but the description got tedious at times. It got tedious on

audiobook

; I shudder to think of trying to slog through it in text format.

I didn’t so much resent the book ending on a cliffhanger – although by the time I got to it, <Republic of Thieveslt/i> was already out, so I knew I’d be reading the next installment in a few months. Mostly, though, I was just relieved the cliffhanger revolved around Locke’s survival rather than Jean’s, because there’s a chance, however slight, of the series killing off Locke’s sidekick before the final book, whereas there’s absolutely none with Locke. So I appreciate the book making it absolutely clear that it’s not really a question of

the poisoned character will survive, but

how

His [Jean’s] short-lived relationship - although actually moderately engaging, while it lasts - is only further evidence of this. You can see its inevitably tragic conclusion approaching on the horizon like the sails of the good ship Obvious.

I think you undersell the extent to which the tragic conclusion was telegraphed beforehand. We’re talking

a MegaBrooks at the very least

. And I don’t think it would be humanly possible for the way it played out to have been any more cliché. Not to mention the whole fridging angle. Easily the lowest point of the series so far for me.

I thought RSURS handled the aftermath of said inevitable tragic conclusion a heck of a lot less annoyingly than most other books with similar big deaths I’ve encountered, though (lookin’ at you,

Harry Potter

). Jean is, of course, grief-stricken, and the book portrays the depth of his unhappiness while mostly avoiding an Epic Angst Sequence (seriously, there are few things in fiction less engaging than characters sitting around moping), and even sets up some genuinely touching moments, such as in the immediate aftermath of Ezri’s death, when Locke talks Jean down by threatening to throw himself at Jean, forcing the latter to beat the crap out of him (Locke), “and then you’ll feel terrible.”

Yes, pretending Jean is anything more than Locke’s sidekick is on par with “suddenly, Harry realized Dumbledore had actually been a fully-fleshed, three-dimensional character the entire time.” (Book 3 confirms this, when, after Locke is all patched up, Jean slips happily back into his role as Locke’s Number 2 without a hint of lingering grief over Ezri’s death, even as he’s helping out his best buddy romance Sabetha.) However, I thought the conflict between Locke and Jean set off by this outburst of Jean’s you quote in the article was actually pretty decent in terms of a “tensions between the series’ Main Pairing” subplot, which are usually of the eye-bleedingly terrible variety.

And what’s this guff about “moderately engaging?” I found it one of the two most engrossing parts of the story, along with some of Locke and Jean’s interactions. Jean and Ezri are adorable in every single scene they’re together: they bond over martial arts (with Jean being impressed that tiny Ezri actually managed to take him down at first), and their mutual affection for the Gentleman Bastardverse’s Shakespeare analogue. And then there’s the celebration scene where the two of them officially get together, soon after Jean has had his argument with Locke. And he’s keeping his distance from Ezri and it seems like at first he’s heeding Locke’s “you need to stay away from her, bro” bullshit, but it turns out, no, he’s craning away because he’s near-blind and he’s trying to see her properly and it’s incredibly cute you guys, like seriously.

Another thing I really like about the Jean / Ezri relationship is that the presentation feels balanced. I instantly get why Ezri is attracted to Jean as much as why Jean is attracted to Ezri, and in that scene during the celebration where, of course, Jean is being all shy and awkward, there’s a part where we suddenly see Ezri being shy and awkward as well. I’ve read a lot of similar romance arcs—especially those told from the male perspective—where the viewpoint character is vulnerable and complex while their love interest is all strong and confident and basically put on a pedestal.

I actually found it more engaging than Locke’s relationship with Sabetha in

Republic of Thieves

. While I agree with Cheriola that Sabetha is a great character, we don’t get much sense of her interior life, and the only times she displays vulnerability are when it directly relates to Locke. Also, it takes a long time into the story for her to tell Locke and the reader why she’s attracted to him, and I don’t feel the text really

shows

her being attracted the way RSRUS does with Ezri.

RSURS opens with Locke and Jean caught at crossbow-point on the docks and then, gasp, ever-faithful Jean turns on Locke. The novel then spools backwards in time to show you how they got themselves into this mess and, yes, it's arresting except that it's basically just like Alias, a cliff-hanger critical on the surface but ultimately completely meaningless and wrapped up quicker than a streaker at a tennis match.

Oh my god, that was the worst; maybe even worse than Ezri’s death.

I detest flash-forward openings as a general rule. I feel like there

may

have been one or two I’ve encountered which actually worked okay, but if so I can’t remember them now. Those possible examples aside, at best, flash-forward openings contribute f***-all of substance to the story, and at worst they undermine immersion by distracting the reader from the current action with questions which aren’t going to be answered for another 200-400 pages.

To be fair, some flash-forward openings, while still crap, sometimes do something clever with the reader’s expectations (I remember one where a guy wakes up and wonders what the heck is going on, and when we get to that part of the book in turns out the original guy died, and this is a clone, so that waking up sequence is technically his birth). RSURS is not one of those stories, though. The sequence takes on no new significance or added meaning for having read the rest of the book up to that point.

But wait, it gets

better

! Jean turning on Locke is in itself not terribly surprising: they are master con artists, after all. The linchpin (no pun intended) of the tension to this scene is that Jean fails to give the hand signals which mean “this is a scam, play along,” leaving Locke, and the readers, to wonder if this is a real betrayal, after all. Then, after Jean has dispatched the two assassins he says: “Oh, yeah, didn’t you see me giving the hand signal which means ‘this is a scam, play along’?” and Locke is all like, “Gosh, man, I must’ve missed it.” And that’s an end to it. Are you f**king kidding me?

Granted, this sort of stuff happens all the time in real life, but narratively speaking, it’s the worst kind of cheap trick for creating false tension. It

might

have been forgivable if there were some long-term consequences to the whole business. Locke and Jean have both been dosed with a slow-acting poison at this point in the story, and I thought maybe Locke’s failure to notice the hand signal was an early warning sign that the poison is beginning to effect his perception. But

. Or maybe Jean really was considering turning on Locke for some reason or other and then had a change of heart, and made up the part about the hand signal. No sign of that, either.

Look, I’m glad Jean doesn’t actually betray Locke, because as story turns go, that would have been at least as irritating as Ezri’s death, probably worse. But first you hit me with this bullshit flash-forward, then you double down on the bullshit by revealing the whole thing was just a trifling misunderstanding with no effing consequences whatsoever? What a waste of time.

… So yeah, on balance, I was not well pleased or amused by this sequence, especially as our hook into the main story.

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Robinson L

at 20:30 on 2016-12-21And now it’s time for another installment of Robinson Dissects the Ethics of the

Gentleman Bastard

Books. This week’s episode: Captain Zamira Drakasha Edition.

So yeah, Zamira is all kinds of awesome, but like with the other main characters, it’s best to turn one’s critical thinking off when thinking about her actions, or it becomes very hard to think of her as any kind of hero.

Case in point: she takes Locke, Jean, and the rest of their sorry crew onto her ship as probationary pirates. You do good, you play by the rules, you become full crew members; you step out of line, you die. All pretty standard stuff, except it turns out when she says she will kill you for breaking the rules, she means it.

One of the guys who originally signed on with Locke and Jean now despises the two of them intensely and is kind of an asshole in general, so the reader is primed to dislike him. He’s getting picked on by some of Zamira’s crew members, and finally he gets pushed too far and grabs a weapon to defend himself with. But laying hands on a weapon is against Zamira’s rules, so she has him executed on the spot. For the kind of mistake that anybody could make. And the reader is supposed to be okay with this because the guy was made to be unlikable. It could just as easily have been someone like Jean or Locke making a similar mistake, prompting Zamira to execute them, and the reader to hate her, in turn. We’re not invited to judge her character based on her actions, but on how we feel about the characters she acts against.

Later, there’s the time when we first see Zamira’s

Poison Orchid

attack a merchant ship, which involves pretending to be in peril themselves. As the pirates are preparing to board the ship, one of Zamira’s lieutenants tells the new recruits “if any of you are feeling moral qualms about attacking these merchants, just remember that they thought we were in distress, and only came to help us when we signaled we were willing to give them unconditional salvage rights.” Which, if you stop to think about it, is a

really

clever rationalization to psych people up to potentially commit an atrocity. I mean, if that were the point of the sequence—which it isn’t—I would’ve said it was brilliant. For all they know, the captain of the merchant ship was just a huge asshole, and literally everyone else aboard was clamoring to help the

Poison Orchid

right from the beginning.

It also seemed like, in the three way struggle between the Archon, Stragos; the proprietor of the big gambling den, Requin; and the members of the Priori; Stragos winds up being the Designated Villain of the book, not because his actions are worse than those of Requin or the Priori (we’ve already established they can be equally vicious), but because it happens to be Stragos’ actions which got Jean’s girlfriend killed. He gets punished, whereas Requin and the Priori members get happy endings, only because Stragos hurt someone the reader is supposed to care about.

Locke and Jean are quick to forgive the Priori member who was sending assassins after them because the Bondsmages told him the two Gentleman Bastards were going to cause him trouble. Which, okay, the assassins all failed, and all got killed, but by the logic of this story they were probably all Bad Men who deserved what they got, so no harm, no foul, right? Except, no, there

was

harm. One of the attempts to kill Locke and Jean was a really convoluted scheme to give them free drinks which were laced with poison. And the thing about convoluted schemes is that they’re full of holes, as in this one where Locke and Jean weren’t interested in the drink in question, and passed theirs on to the dockworker at the next table, who proceeded to die in their stead. No one in the story ever gets any kind of comeuppance for this murder, ‘cause I guess we’re not supposed to care about red shirts.

So basically, what I’m trying to say here is that the ethics of this series are all kinds of messed up if you look closely.

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Robinson L

at 00:00 on 2016-12-22

Cheriola: book 3, when encountering a random pair of gay lovers making out in a garden and being tempted to go through their discarded clothing for their wallets, he stops his kleptomaniac impulse by reminding himself that doing malice to happy lovers would be bad karma.

That was cute. Another very minor point I appreciated from that book was in a scene where Locke has to hold Sabetha as part of this play they’re performing and the narrator (speaking broadly from Locke’s perspective) talks about what it’s like for someone to hold another person whom they’re attracted to. It would have been

easy to gender the subject of attraction in that sentence as female, or to say something like “a person of the opposite sex whom they’re attracted to.” But no, it’s a general statement, and so the book sticks with generalities, not making stereotypes about the genders or orientations involved. Again, a minor point, but one I’ve seen even a lot of nominally well-intentioned works fail at, so I was mildly impressed.

I was genuinely amazed at Sabetha - she's the best feminist (NOT straw-feminist!) character I've ever seen a male author write.

I think it was this part which finally clinched it for me to read the series. As a male author myself, I can’t help but take it as a challenge.

As mentioned earlier, though, I feel like we didn’t get much sense of Sabetha’s internal life, except as it relates to Locke, and she has to tell Locke (and the reader) what particularly attracts her to Locke, rather than the book showing us.

It probably was implausible to have 16-year-old Locke be so receptive to Sabetha’s Feminism 101 lectures, but for me it was preferable to the second hand embarrassment of having Locke throw out insipid, MRA-apologist arguments for Sabetha to shoot down.

Since I’m not seeing a

Republic of Thieves

review on the horizon, I suppose I might as well give my thoughts on the book in general. Overall, I liked it, and Sabetha is a fine addition to the series’ cast.

I also kind of dug the way the main caper of the book was not a high stakes life or death game of taking on some brutal, affluent, entitled snot or other, but rather fixing an upcoming election. It shows you can have all the same drama and intrigue without putting countless lives on the line, which comes as a nice change of pace. (Granted, it turns out there are countless lives on the line in the Bondsmagi’s larger game, but that only comes up after the whole thing is over, so in my view it still counts.)

My political sensibilities being what they are, I particularly liked the election angle to the plot because the book depicts it as 1) an aristocratic exercise with no pretense of populist input (only a small fraction of the city’s residents have the franchise), and 2) a complete farce in any case, because who gets elected has f**k all to do with who’s better leadership material or has the best policies – the book dispenses with such preposterous fig leaves and dives straight into the real heart of electoral politics: naked corruption, double dealing, and general chicanery. There’s also the implication that who gets elected is ultimately trivial in terms of how Karthain is actually run, because the real ruling elite (in this case, the Bondsmagi), make damn sure that in practice, it gets run exactly the way they believe produces the greatest benefit for the city’s inhabitants. (The book seems to suggest that what they think is best for Karthain really is, which is where its views and mine diverge, but other than that, I’m completely on board with the book’s representation.)

Locke’s backstory seemed … really out of place. Given how magic has always taken such a tertiary role in the books up to that point, I didn’t expect it to play such a huge part in Locke’s past. This felt like the backstory to a character in a very different type of story, honestly. But other than that it’s just kind of, “whatever.”

#Ferretbrain #Wardog #Red Seas Under Red Skies #Scott Lynch #The Lies of Locke Lamora

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bookio · 4 years ago

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Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend (2017) by Alan Cumyn

What i thought this book would be about: A dinosaur dude and human girl falls in love and have weird sex

What this book really was about: racism (specism?), peer pressure, mind control, activism and idk, controlling parents? And oh, some pterodactyl sex i guess.

This book is actually really mild compared to the merman book I read earlier. There are teased introduction to sex but it always cut to the next day, so you have to fill in the blanks. Only one scene at the end, you get hear some of the actual devil's tango.

Pyke is an pterodactyl exchange student, the first of his kind to start high school. Shiel is the school's go-getter, i don't know what's it called. She in the committee, she's in direct contact with the principal, arranges events and what not. She also shows newcomers around.

The very first day, Pyke accidentally knocks down this girl named Jocelyn in a failed attempt to land. They hit it off and becomes a couple, Shiel immediately feel jealous of her. However Shiel already have a boyfriend, a nerd called Sheldon.

He's the most boring character in the whole book imo, he's mentioned all the time and to keep Shiel grounded. Says she loves him but haven't been with anyone else, just feels like they are together out of habit and for the comfort, but she doesn't love him really fullhearted.

She goes all out to welcome this new foreign student. Many are against him but with help of an open discussion, the pterodactyl is eventually welcomed.

Anyway, Pyke starts a band because he can shriek in a crazy way. During a school concert hosted by Shiel, Pyke goes all out and his shriek turns everyone into horny zombies. (I think it's a mating call?) Shiel walks up the stage and hump dances with Pyke.

The day after her nose turned purple. This apparently happens to everyone who mate with the beast, even Jocelyn has one. So they .. mated? On stage? Sheldon wants to introduce her to his parents despite all this, in a way to show he doesn't care care about the awkward sex dancing. Shiel doesn't want to and they decide to take a break from each other.

Shiel starts dressing and acting like Jocelyn, Pyke's human girlfriend. It's a bit embarrassing but works on the beast. She encourage him (with support from the principal) to star in the football team. Stressed by all the shoveling, during a match, Pyke accidentally stabs a opponent with his sharp beak.

He's thrown into jail. Shiel's going desperate of his absence, starting loud protests outside jail and use all her saved up college money to later bail him out.

Been starved in jail, Shiel lets him recover at her place to her family's dismay. Serval times, Shiel thirsty sneaks into him but only rubs her skin against him.

Her racist family slowly softens for him, mom even staying home from work to make him oysters. One day her mom also has a purple nose. No one really makes a big deal out of it, because doing something intimate with a pterodactyl doesn't seem to be on raidar for them.

Jocelyn shows up and wants to see her boyfriend. Shiel is reluctant at first but eventually let's her see him. Right away, Jocelyn haz crazy sex with Pyke behind closed door. Shiel tries to ignore the sex sounds but eventually goes there in anger to stop them, but shocked by the sight (not described) she leaves them alone.

The next day, Pyke wakes Shiel up to show her something. He fly her away through the winter night to a secret place. She feels special and chosen. But at the secret place is another pterodactyl. The coloring of this one matches the color clothes of.. Jocelyn!! Pyke wants Shiel to join his harem and turn into a beast too. She declines and struggles her way home, heartbroken.

Maybe he just joined the human society to look for mates? That he's speech of educating himself to be a nurse was just a facade? Shiel starts working in retail and decide to save up money for another college than her parents wanted her to go. Her nose turn regular color again.

Weird book but it was less pterodactyl presence in it than i hoped, most focus was the pressure and school life of Shiel, her obsessiveness to be perfect and not accepting being wrong sometimes. A bit disappointing but unique book! 3/5 stars

- - - - -

The World's Worst Diseases (2021) by Ida Kjellin and Sofia Bergström

Started reading this book right when i got home from the library, eagerly to learn about old diseases. But the book wasn't what i expected..

I thought it would be straight up facts, but instead it's actually a fictional story about a Mary Poppins figure taking two children through history of sickness, letting them experience the symptoms that magically resets after each chapter. There are more uninteresting pages surrounding these characters than actual facts.

At one page about Leprosy sickness, there's an insensitive illustration of a pink election sign saying "Make my face great again!" referencing the Trump campaign. If this is a children's book then why is this even here? 0/5 stars

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marshmallowgoop · 7 years ago

Text

Goop Watches: DARLING in the FRANXX, Episode 5: Your Thorn, My Badge

[Listen]

[Episode 1] [Episode 2] [Episode 3] [Episode 4]

Fair or not, it’s become common to compare DARLING in the FRANXX with Kill la Kill.

And, given that I’m still one of the top blogs popping up when you search “kill la kill” on this site—and given that I’ve written about 20,000 words analyzing DARLING in the FRANXX up ‘til now and over 180,000 analyzing Kill la Kill—maybe I’m one of the best people to talk about these so-called similarities.

So, consider this thought: episode 5 of Kill la Kill and episode 5 of DARLING in the FRANXX are remarkably alike.

The Bad?

Way back in April 2014, Jexhius wrote an excellent forum post about Kill la Kill’s fifth episode, “Trigger,” that I often find myself coming back to. Even watching a totally new anime gets me thinking about it, it seems, because in considering DARLING in the FRANXX’s fifth episode, I realized that one point Jexhius makes about “Trigger” could also perfectly fit “Your Thorn, My Badge”:

What makes this episode so interesting is that the production quality is so far off the hook that it feels like it's been made by an entirely different studio and the overall tone of the show feels completely different as well. It's far more restrained, and, for want of a better word, serious.

So, I don’t have a “bad” section this week. While DARLING might have tonal problems as a whole, as far as “Your Thorn, My Badge” is concerned, there’s little to complain about. The episode is serious, and it stays serious. For the first time ever, there’s a distinct lack of gratuitous fanservice, and other issues that plague the show are also wonderfully absent. No awful cockpit set-up can be seen here, abuse from a woman isn’t depicted as funny, quirky, and cute, and what’s unsettling is portrayed as unsettling.

Namely—and surely one of the main things on anyone’s mind after this episode—Zero Two’s troubling behavior (that I’ve complained heartily about) isn’t made out to be adorable here. Her seeming lack of compassion for Hiro’s condition and the deaths of other parasites is unnerving, and it’s very much made out to be unnerving. The look Zero Two gives the audience after Hiro encourages the squad for their mission isn’t anything but creepy, and the same goes for her big grin after Hiro says he’ll ride with her.

Zero Two: My darling belongs to me.

Similarly, the relationship I praised last week to be supportive and loving has gone right into “toxic” territory, and the text ain’t at all subtle in conveying as much. Zero Two is unhealthily possessive of Hiro in episode 5, far more than she ever has been. It’s as though Hiro is Zero Two’s toy more than her lover when she notes that he’s all hers and she won’t “give him” to Ichigo, and her incessant usage of “darling” also feels increasingly insulting. Zero Two still has yet to refer to Hiro by his name, even though she’s well aware of how much names mean to him after his offer to name her.

On Hiro’s side, his hiding of his wounds and fake smiles feel all too familiar to me as someone who’s done the same exact thing while in an abusive relationship, and I have a hard time believing that this isn’t intentional. While there are glimmers of seeming sweetness between Hiro and Zero Two, and while Hiro seems so happy, the fact that these moments are continually framed with an uncomfortable Goro does well in conveying that all is not as it seems.

Goro has known Hiro for ages, and his troubled reaction towards Hiro’s behavior effectively adds depth to his character and the story. The look on Goro’s face alone tells the audience that he doesn’t buy what’s happening, which brings in that much-needed conflict that’s required for plot. Episode 4 might have appeared to be a happily ever after, but Goro doesn’t accept this so easily, and the fact that he doesn’t is indicative of how well he knows Hiro. Viewers have been told in the past that these two are lifelong companions, but you really see it here: this guy understands Hiro basically better than anyone, and he’s not falling for this act.

Ichigo: Also, take care of Hiro.

Zero Two: I don’t need you to tell me that.

I know, I know. A whole buncha this stuff I’ve just written sounds pretty dang negative. Why didn’t I make a real “The Bad” section?

Well, my reasoning is simple: a story that depicts a bad thing as a bad thing… isn’t a bad thing! I’ve noted in the past that I am vehemently against the idea that fiction shouldn’t include any of the atrocities of the real world, and I still stand by this mindset. The fact that DARLING in the FRANXX portrays Zero Two’s troubling behavior as troubling isn’t a negative in my book, because from here, Zero Two can learn and grow and be better. She can come to understand what a real good relationship is and be the loving, supportive partner for Hiro that I know she can be.

And that’s just the thing: I know she can be. I have to admit that episode 5 kind of wanted to make me belt out that “we could have had it alllll” after the gooey charm that is episode 4, but just like I argued there, there’s simply too much that’s genuine about Zero Two and her relationship with Hiro for me to believe that the show’s gonna end up telling me, “Well, actually, she really is just a monster who kills people for fun!”

Maybe I have too much faith in the series, but to go that kind of route doesn’t make a lick of sense. Zero Two is so heartfelt and vulnerable when she bids goodbye to Hiro in episode 4, and I can think of no reason why she would lie about the very real, tangible affection she presents there. If she were planning on “tricking” Hiro into riding with her for some horrible reason, I just can’t see her being so willing and ready to leave without even turning around. Wouldn’t she fight for her right to ride with Hiro more?

It makes much more sense to view Zero Two in a sympathetic light, even after episode 5. This girl longs for acceptance—why else include all these moments where she appears so self-conscious about being not human?—but she also recognizes that she kills people (and I’m still holding out on the deaths being inadvertent). Zero Two is so prepared to leave Hiro behind in episode 4 because even if she yearns be with someone who doesn’t think poorly of her due to her klaxosaur blood, she also undoubtedly feels he’s better off without her. It’s only when Hiro spills his “embarrassing” confession that she turns around; she becomes confident that he wants them to work out as much as she does, and that’s something she can’t not fight for. After a whole lifetime of being ostracized and alone, it’s not hard to see that this girl’s gonna hold on tight to somebody who sincerely wants to be with her.

And that easily explains a lot of Zero Two’s behavior in episode 5: she’s so possessive over Hiro because she’s so afraid of losing him. When speaking with Ichigo, Zero Two even comes off as defensive. Hiro wanted to ride with her, so it’s not her fault if something goes amiss, and Ichigo doesn’t have to tell her to take care of him, because why wouldn’t she, when here’s this person who wants to be her partner more than anyone ever has?

There’s something profoundly heartbreaking, too, in how Ichigo’s words about Zero Two being “heartless” and “not human” clearly bother her so much that she stays out all night in the rain. And, to be even more speculative, it’s not at all out of the realm of possibility for Zero Two to be jealous of Ichigo. Ichigo values Hiro’s autonomy, she doesn’t horrifically maim him just by being with him, and she lacks the klaxosaur blood that separates Zero Two from humanity. In so many ways, Ichigo is the superior partner for Hiro, and Zero Two undoubtedly realizes it, but she doesn’t want to let go of this special person who thinks so strongly of her.

Zero Two: It hurts, right? The pain is unbearable, isn’t it? But it looks beautiful.

Of course, the most troubling aspect of Zero Two’s behavior in episode 5 is her disturbing reaction to what she’s done to Hiro. With Ichigo and the other parasites, it could be said that Zero Two’s apparent apathy is a defense mechanism of sorts to prevent her from getting hurt, but she’s shown previously to be extremely honest and vulnerable around Hiro, as in the aforementioned goodbye scene from episode 4. Why would Zero Two laugh at Hiro’s pain and call it beautiful, if what I’m arguing about her humanity really holds any weight at all?

The truth is that I can’t say. I’ve labeled this section of my post as “The Bad?” with a question mark because I don’t know yet if what’s presented in this episode will end up being bad and distasteful in the long run. As is, though, there are many potential explanations for Zero Two’s behavior that don’t have to wind up that way.

For one reading of Zero Two’s actions, I recall a story from when I studied theatre and playwriting in college. As my professor told it, in one production of Romeo and Juliet that he directed, Romeo actually laughed at the sight of Juliet’s “dead” body, and my professor argued that this decision displayed the messiness of real emotions. Not everyone’s going to grieve and be sad by falling to their knees and crying. Emotions aren’t that simple.

In the same way, perhaps Zero Two’s laughter could be a sign of her pain. She’s sad and guilty that she causes Hiro so much hurt, but she can only manage to convey her sorrow by laughing.

On the other hand, Zero Two’s laughter could absolutely be an expression of joy. Hiro says in episode 4 that he found Zero Two’s persistence to keep fighting the klaxosaur even when hurt “beautiful,” and what Zero Two says to Hiro about his injury mirrors those words. The fact that Hiro is so determined to be with her, even when it hurts him, is “beautiful.” He cares so much for her that even the cost of his own wellbeing (and potentially, his life) isn’t enough to deter him, and this has to be something entirely new for Zero Two. She laughs because she’s loved; she calls the sickly wound beautiful because to her, there’s nothing more beautiful than getting what she’s craved her entire life.

Relating to the title (which uses Zero Two’s pronoun, boku), Hiro’s “thorn” (pain) is Zero Two’s “badge” of honor that tells her she finally means something to someone.

Further, it’s pure speculation, but I have to wonder if Zero Two isn’t suffering some severe side effects from riding with Hiro herself. It’s noted way back in episode 2 that Hiro would “taint” Zero Two’s blood, and when this episode makes it clear that Hiro’s condition is the complete opposite of what normally happens with Zero Two’s partners, I have to wonder how Zero Two knew about Hiro’s mark at all. Did Hiro tell her off-screen (which I view as unlikely, because he might fear the slight chance that she would refuse to ride with him in such a state)? Or does she know because she’s experiencing something similar?

No matter Zero Two’s reasoning, though, there’s nothing at all beautiful about giving your lover a body-horror tumor, and there’s nothing at all healthy, charming, or sweet about Zero Two’s attitude and behavior around the situation. However, this is exactly as the show portrays it: Zero Two’s actions are disturbing, and what she might view as “romantic” is terrifying and sad. It’s awful to be a situation where the only way you can be with the one you love is to be literally dying, and I hope in the future, both Hiro and Zero Two see that. I hope they can learn and grow and become the good, supportive relationship that episode 4 shows they have every capacity to be.

Now, I won’t lie. I definitely felt some initial disappointment in DARLING’s fifth episode. While episode 5 of Kill la Kill is similar to “Your Thorn, My Badge” in that Senketsu is made out to be a monster who’s no good for Ryuko just as Zero Two is made out to be a monster who’s no good for Hiro, the conclusion is markedly different: Senketsu is good for Ryuko no matter what anyone says, and the two of them are friends despite all odds.

We don’t know yet if Zero Two is any good for Hiro (or vice versa), and the episode seems to point to not. The sweetness of Senketsu and Ryuko’s interactions in “Trigger” are lost in “Your Thorn, My Badge,” replaced by something remarkably unsettling.

But in retrospect, I realize that this doesn’t have to be a negative. There’s a messiness to DARLING in the FRANXX that’s not in Kill la Kill, and it is uncomfortable and ugly… but that makes me want even more for it to get better. I want things to go well between Hiro and Zero Two, because I’ve seen how good they can be.

The Good

To continue with these “Trigger” comparisons, there’s one point Jexhius makes about Kill la Kill’s fifth episode that I both entirely agree with and find heavily applies to DARLING in the FRANXX’s “Your Thorn, My Badge,” too. As they put it:

With regards to the production quality being higher [in “Trigger”] than the rest of the show, a casual flip through this episode should be enough to show you how different it looks. The character designs are more complicated, the world is far richer in visual detail, the animation is great throughout and there's none of the classic money-saving techniques used in many other episodes. Things also appear far more rounded and fuller then than the rest of the series where things tend to be flat and brash.

In the same way, even the quick preview for “Your Thorn, My Badge” effectively displays the immense level of artistry present in the episode. From the beautiful shot of Ichigo’s reflection in her tea to the lushness of the leaves after the rain to Ichigo’s profoundly expressive crying to the amazingly detailed reaction Hiro has to Ichigo reaching for his collar and coming so close to finding the truth about his condition, “Your Thorn, My Badge” is a spectacle to look at. No other episode of DARLING in the FRANXX comes close to this one in terms of visuals.

Even the most obvious and unsubtle metaphor can’t help but feel immensely powerful when it’s drawn and animated with such skill. The scene where Hiro recognizes that he’s like the butterfly caught in Zero Two’s web is easily one of the most stand-out scenes from the entire series thus far because of the incredible level of detail present within it.

Further, the scene is even more commendable when the spider’s web isn’t an element that comes out of nowhere: it’s present right in the first moment that Hiro and Goro share in the bathroom.

There’s truly a fantastic sense of continuity in “Your Thorn, My Badge,” perhaps most obviously with the ever-present water symbolism all throughout the episode. Water seems to find its way in nearly every scene; from the dripping faucets to the water pitchers in the bedrooms to Kokoro’s watering can to the rain that falls at the episode’s end, there’s almost always a sense of water.

The water symbolism is made even more cohesive with the water-dripping scene transitions used throughout the episode. There are a total of four of these transitional moments; the first three are an identical single drop of water that occur after Ichigo looks into her tea at breakfast, after Hiro and Zero Two run out of Hiro’s bedroom holding hands, and right before Hiro gazes into the bathroom mirror looking profoundly ill. The first three moments are accompanied by a dripping sound effect, and they’re all fragmented, using a different aspect ratio than the rest of the show.

The fourth time, however, occurring after Hiro looks to the spider and the butterfly in the web, is different. There are three droplets of water; the first two (that make dark blue and light blue ripples) sound simultaneously, and the third droplet (light blue) falls all alone. Unlike the fragmentation of the first three droplets, this moment is letterboxed—which is perhaps the first time that there’s a use of letterboxing that doesn’t relate to Hiro and Zero Two in some way.

Or does it? While it’s difficult to say what the water droplets represent with any surety at this moment, the repetition of three easily ties into the fact that Zero Two kills all her partners after three rides. The water droplets could then each represent a ride that Hiro has in Strelizia, and the constant drip-dripping throughout the episode could be viewed much like the ticking of a clock: Hiro is coming closer and closer to that third ride.

In terms of what the frequent water imagery represents, I’ve offered previously that water in DARLING in the FRANXX symbolizes freedom, but in “Your Thorn, My Badge,” it seems to have a restorative, curative sense to it. After Hiro drinks water, he’s able to fake being okay again. After spending a night out in the rain, Zero Two—who had clearly been shaken by Ichigo’s words—is able to smile and look at peace.

On the other side, however, water hurts other characters in the episode. Ichigo isn’t cleansed or restored by the rain, but left a mess (much like how she describes her mind). The water that allows Hiro to push his pain away only furthers Goro’s. Even the water that Kokoro means to give the flowers in the garden ends up hurting her, because it places her in a situation where she can attempt to help Mitsuru bloom and come out of his shell… but this situation ends badly when Mitsuru tells her off for it.

[Check out this chapter of the official 4koma, DARLING in the FRANKISS!, here.]

I can’t say with any certainty what all this symbolism means yet, but it’s definitely compelling. There’s a true effort in DARLING in the FRANXX, and while this effort may be “fake deep” and “pretentious,” it’s impossible to deny that it’s there. And just as episode 5 of Kill la Kill clearly displays the passion behind its story, so too does episode 5 of DARLING in the FRANXX clearly display the passion behind its story. Beneath the gratuitous fanservice and ridiculous set-ups of both series, there’s a genuine heart, and that heart is what continues to keep me invested.

#darling in the franxx #meta #analysis #darling in the franxx meta #goop watches darling in the franxx #spoilers #darlifra spoilers #ramblings #long post #kill la kill #ish #abuse mention #sorry this is so late!#it's under 3500 words and the audio is about 15 minutes long though so!#i hope it's less of a headache!#and there's like zero discourse here too if you're not into that lol #shut up goop

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bluboothalassophile · 7 years ago

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@yue-xin For your messaged request: if it's not too much to ask, can you write a fiction where jason ,raven and damian (or any additional character of your choosing) accidentally get sucked in to another earth, where over on that earth, damian is the one dating raven and that earth's jason is the one jealous all the time, i wanna see what their reactions would be... or maybe a story where raven is drunk and thought damian was jason (a lil damirae fluff if you can ) with a jealous jason appearing just in time to stop his girlfriend......

I couldn’t quite get the whole other world to work. But I could do drunk Raven! I hope you enjoy the story.

For(N)ever Yours...

Damian clicked his tongue for the umpteenth time since he had collected Raven from the bar. His brother’s fiancée had called him because he was the only one in town and she had gotten drunk. It was very out of character for Raven; getting drunk, and he would wonder why she had bothered with the venture but then again, he didn’t think he really knew her. He had asked her why she was drunk, and she had said something to the effect of ‘stupid Jay’ and after that it was slurred before he got her to the car.

Now he was standing behind her as she swayed, and fumbled with her keys.

He tried to resist the desire to bury his nose in her long, black hair, but she smelled so damn good, clean and fresh like spring. How did girls do that? Always smell nice and good. They also always looked so damn beautiful, always, it was like they weren’t trying. Alright, if he was being honest with only himself, Raven was the girl he was referring to.

Raven, his older brother’s fiancée, was the woman of his dream, and had been since he was about fifteen and he had started learning what hormones, crushes, and sex were.

Now, why Raven was his dream girl: that ass! Those legs! Her hips! Damian and Todd had one thing in common; and one thing only, and it was their tastes in women. He had gotten a crash course in this because of a night his brothers were talking about women and their attributes.

It wasn’t surprising that Dick was a breast guy, he liked curves too, but Dick apparently had a fondness for women’s breasts. They were apparently extremely sensitive, and Dick loved them. Damian had been a bit disgusted and fascinated about this topic as Dick explained in full why women’s breasts were the best thing ever.

Drake’s weakness for the opposite sex wasn’t just a girl with a brain, but women’s dimples. Not the smile dimples, the dimples on the back. Damian had been a bit baffled to learn this, but Drake found those to be sexy. Drake also had a fondness for women’s necks apparently, Damian guessed he understood that attraction when he would look at Raven’s neck and want to mark her.

As for Todd, it had taken them a lot of finagling before Todd would even talk about what he found attractive in a woman. Mostly because Todd’s list was as follows: Intelligence, personality, patience. Todd had justified that he wanted to be able to hold a conversation with his girl, once the initial attraction was no longer as blinding. He wanted her to be herself, he wanted confidence in his girl. And patience because Todd stated he was not the easiest of men. And Damian understood all those needs, it was why Raven was so attractive.

But it was when they had pried deeper that they learned Todd’s love of legs, hips, and ass.

And Raven had all three in abundance.

Finally Raven got her door open and stumbled in, he followed to make sure she didn’t trip and break her neck.

“Stupid Red,” Raven muttered again, she dropped her bag, Damian sighed as he locked the door, opting to take up their guest room.

He spun around to see her kicking off her boots as she dropped her jacket unceremoniously. He swallowed hard.

“Idiot, vibrator, gonna kill him,” Raven was muttering incoherently. Damian tried to look away, but he wasn’t able to as Raven shimmied out of her skirt.

“Raven!” he snapped, she turned to give him a tired bland look.

“Hm,” she hummed innocently as she unbuttoned her shirt.

“What are you doing?” he sputtered.

“I’m hot,” she slurred as she staggered out of her skirt and flopped onto the couch as she vainly struggled out of her shirt. Damian swallowed hard at her arching, the way she bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut as she used her legs for leverage.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He could feel hormones stirring but he couldn’t leave her!

He didn’t want her to have alcohol poisoning, he reasoned.

It wasn’t helping his problem as he moved to the kitchen to get her Tylenol and water.

He returned, and she was discarded of her bra, and shirt, as she yawned tiredly. “Here,” he choked.

“Mmm,” she hummed as she whined a bit but took the meds.

“Thanks Jay,” she yawned and stretched out on the couch.

That innocent thanks was a stab to the gut for him because she was Jason’s, completely Jason’s. Damian swallowed hard as she arched her hips to turn and get comfortable. Shit she was gorgeous.

“You better be stepping away you little twerp or I’ll castrate you,” a voice snarled which had Damian snapping up and out of his stupor to see his elder brother at his window glaring furiously at him. Damian took seven steps away from Raven then; he had seen Jason take on a cult protected by his mother’s assassins for Raven, and Damian wasn’t fool enough to think he really stood a chance against a furious, protective Jason where Raven was concerned.

“She called me,” Damian defended.

“I know,” Jason said as he leaned over the couch and Damian felt a pang of jealousy as his brother traced his fiancée’s face. Raven moaned and turned into the touch with a soft sigh. “And thanks for getting her. But she’s not yours.”

“You don’t deserve her,” Damian hissed. And Jason merely smiled knowingly, it was a vicious smile, like a crocodile’s and Jason looked up at him.

“What the fuck makes you think I give a shit about deserve when she picked me?” he asked coldly. “You are not to tell her about the stripping or I’ll end you demon brat. Do Not Embarrass Her.”

“I wouldn’t.” he snorted at the mere thought. Damian stalked out of the apartment and groaned when he flopped into his car. He could try to steal Raven from Jason, but he didn’t think the demon was ever leaving his brother.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Jason traced his fiancée’s cheek and smiled a bit at how she turned into his touch. He’d never admit this, but of all the guys who would eye Raven, only Damian posed a real threat. Damian would devise a thousand ways to woe Raven, and Raven, whilst not the easiest woman to sway or woe, she would be charmed.

And Jason hated that he feared his baby brother stealing his girl

But Raven was her own person, and free to do as she pleased.

He was just really fucking lucky she happened to be hopelessly in love with him. Gingerly he scooped her up, and she limply curled against him as he took her to their bed.

“Love Jay,” she whispered when he set her on the bed.

#bluboothalassophile #one shot #raven #damian wayne #jayrae #redrae #raex #jason todd #calm in the storm

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jenniferstolzer · 7 years ago

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Time to begin a long overdue education

I have never seen Buffy before. I traded @bewareoftrees ... I would watch all of Buffy and she would watch all of Babylon 5. So here I am!

I won’t liveblog summaries, but I will give jokes and guesses and observations so if you want to come along (or not) the tag is going to be #jen watches.

ep1 Welcome to Hellmouth

I like that this is picking up where the movie left off, although I believe these people are 16 like I believe this “authentic teenage slang speech.” Ah the late 90s...

Tony Head! My bro! My favorite Night Surgeon. I was biased from the start but I’m gonna guess he will PROBABLY by my favorite character. This will be cemented if he ends up knocked out at any point.

I do come with some knowledge of this show, unfortunately as much as I like Willow already, I’m gonna brace myself for impact. Joss has slain my heart before.

David Boreanaz is still hot but I’m sorry dude, you are way too puppy dog to be menacing and your dialog is atrocious. All the vampire dialog is atrocious. I’m gonna believe this is b/c it set a standard. Can’t forget this show is a milestone for modern fiction writers.

oh crap this dvd is old enough yo have to pick episodes individually. The past sucks.

2, The Harvest

Angel starts what I’m gonna guess is an illustrious career as a sad, cryptic puppy.

Was 90s fashion ever attractive?

Holy crap the show just used the “jumpscare” sound from Illbleed and everywhere else. I’m recognizing all these sound effects. Someone bought the classic horror kit I think.

a dudebro who can’t close his mouth swings in from the side in computer lab and I laugh and laugh.

I didn’t see Jesse becoming a vampire coming, perhaps I should be paying closer attention. He of course gets super sexual assaulty when he’s a vampire and Cordelia is totally into unhealthy relationships so she’ll let him touch her hips and inhale hissing breaths in her ear. No problem.

“Bring me the first” says Luke. //other vampires bring out an innocent black man. Me: uncool.

“Jesse is dead. You have to remember, when you see him you are not looking at your friend, you’re looking at the thing that killed him.” - Giles

Willow saved him from a vampire! These two are the best. Tag team it awkward booknerds.

The Vampire growl sounds like they’re burping really loud. Glad to know the evil vampires are still stupid enough to get faked out.

3 Witch

Giles is so offended that Buffy wants to be a cheerleader. How is it that he is more accurate to me in highschool than anyone else. Good news... as a grownup I’m totally on Buffy’s side. Let her cheer. She’ll be a smash at the gymnastics.

AND we begin with body shaming. Cordelia is talking to Willow now which is weird. And Willow herself I think either got skinnier between episodes or they were dressing her in liek 10 layers of clothes in the two opening eps. Then this other girl comes in and Willow is like “You lost a lot of weight” and the first girl is like “Had to.” Ugh. How about I just grate my spare tire off with an industrial file.

Hooray for Buffy putting out the fire and saving the girl :) Doing something is so against the teen girl stereotype.

Amy just exposition barfed all over Buffy about the huge crush she has on her own mom. I’m glad they’re highlighting this body weight thing as an unnatural fixation but that’s just for the crazy witch mom, not for the universe which is who is usually concerned with how girls look in cheerleading costumes. (forgive me, I have a stink about body standards)

“It’s so cool! You’re like a guy! My guy friend who knows about girls stuff!”

I like barbies as voodoo dolls. And I love the twist that Amy is super totally evil.

Ah! Xanders “you’re a guy” got turned around on him. Hurray!

OMG BODY SWAP! It’s the worst Freaky Friday but I approve of them surprising me with it. Great job Buffy!

You punched Willow out you bitch! Oh and Xander too but You PUNCHED her OUT. She’s so evil! OH CRAP NOW SHE HAS AN AXE!

So cute shy Giles so embarrassed about his first spell casting. Then Willow runs in with a bat. Yeah, I’m going to like this show I think.

and ep ends with psychological horror

4, Teacher’s Pet

Xander is struggling with his toxic masculinity standards. Apparently how many times he’s scored is up for debate so he has to go pretend to threeway to regain status in his alpha male society. Gag.

Meanwhile Angel is over here being perfect boyfriend material, super hot, wearing a white tank with blood all over his arms. He gives her his coat. Gag again! Lol. We’re hitting a very wide gamut here.

Xander falls for a woman who looks weirdly like the mom from the last episode.

Blane just sexually harassed his substitute teacher. I’m convinced now that last ep was fatshame episode, this ep is sexual aggression the episode.

“I’m gonna carb up for my one on one with Ms French this afternoon.” Ick gross much?

Evil sexy woman ate Dr. Gregory’s head b/c she’s a preying mantis. Being sexually attractive is a weapon women possess against men so desperate to fork a fertile woman that one of the characters is literally called the “fork guy” in this episode.

Someone give an emmy to the random bum.

Giles is not immune to sexy substitute, but he’s got enough sense to appreciate without turning into a blithering idiot.

Oh wait, Cordelia is still here for the body image hangups I see.

By the way, all this crit about alpha male/ femme fatale nonsense is not a crit on these characters, it’s a writing hangup. Plots, tropes, and cliches are those things b/c they’re over used and this is the late 90s after all.

“I understand, I met someone and you’re jealous.” Xander is projecting so hard as he’s on his way to fork his teacher, just saying.

Even if she wasn’t a praying mantis this woman needs to be arrested. She’s sexually harassing the hell out of this 16 year old boy as he stumbles all over himself trying to prove his societal preconception of masculinity. He was a half second away from doing the right thing and saying no to the hot woman b/c it’s bad touch 101 but then he got drugged and passed out. Close but no cigar, X.

Willow has had a crush on him this whole time. It wasn’t subtle at all.

I’m glad that Blaine is rightfully horrified by the concept of being raped and murdered. That’s the correct response. Write men who can think with more than their dicks. Men are well-rounded people too.

Mantis affects are “awesome” lol. Looks like someone I know.

(apparently it’s more than just a joke. That’s the same costume used for both shows. I snarked about it looking like Na’Grath and it actually IS Na’Grath. And the actress was in B5 as well... omg the blending of universes is starting. @bewareoftrees did I give you Babylon 5 or did you give ME Babylon 5? HAAAAH)

Willow talks about how nice it is that the boys are being conscious with their bodies and continue to proves that she’s the best. Also Dr. Gregory was a virgin I guess. Thank you, show, for not making a joke out of that.

Disk 1 Summary

It’s a fun show. It’s got some kinks to work out still but I can def see the promise. Will def keep watching.

#buffy the vampire slayer #jen watches #ep summaries #long post

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torinspeer-blog · 8 years ago

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GET TO KNOW ME

1. What’s your first name? Torin 2. What are you listening to right now?  The ambient noises of my property. OH! SHIT! Uhhh... punk rock Spotify playlist-punk pop's not dead 3. What was the last thing you ate? Tuna fish sandwich 4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?  "Attention: important seniors!" Medicare 5. Do you drink?  🤤🤤🤤 6. Do you smoke?  Only to give myself cancer!👍👏👏🙌💯 7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone?  I think it depends on the individual? I mean I'm an intuition dom and have ADHD so it's not like I notice🤷‍♀️ 8. What is your hair color?  Very dark brown 9. What is your eye color? Hazel 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses?  Reading glasses 11. Dogs or cats?  dogs no shit you ever seen a kitters run around like a little glob weeaboo? Uhuh I didn't think so hun! 12. What’s your favorite animal?  ANY ANIMAL THAT CUDDLES ME AND MAKES ME FEEL LESS ALONE!!!!! 13. What’s your favorite television show?  Parks and rec probably (seen the ending? On the emotional level it's more like parks and rekt am I fucking right guys? YEET!) 14. What’s your favorite movie?  Farris buellers day off what am I a hipster? 15. What’s your favorite band/singer?  GREENDAYGREENDAYGREENDAYGREENDAYENFP4W5PIXIEPRIDESON!!!! 16. How old are you?  19. I'm old enough to know a thing or two. Like, literally. I know one thing and maybe another but no more than that. 17. Do you have a crush on anyone? yes... don't worry. I burry my feelings deep inside my soul just like every other well adjusted adult 18. What’s your sexual orientation?  I thought I was bi but then a bi guy said hi from behind and that thought ended 19. What’s your favorite color? blue? Red? Purple? I'm more of a... ummm... shit 20. What was your most embarrassing moment?  😂😂😂 ok, so there was this one time, I was born, and it got soooooyyyt awkward!!😂😂😳 21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?  Oh god I have enough extisensial dread as is holy shit take that to someone else 22. What were you like when you were a kid?  Lazy, stupid, and never gonna accomplish anything with a work ethic like that hahahaHAHAHAHA SOMEBODY TAKE THE PAIN AWAY 23. What would your dream house be like?  A little house in the prairies where I can sit in the front yard with my wife in a rocking chair and watch my grandchildren play 24. What last made you laugh?  My last joke, bitch 25. What is your favorite word?  Romp... hehehe. It makes me think of cute little bunny rabbits hopping along in the woods 26. What is your least favorite word?  No 27. What turns you on? IF YOU LET ME TALK FOR A WHILE AND GIGGLE AND THINK IM SMART I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER 28. What turns you off?  ME NOT BEING ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE PEOPLE (holy shit I mean these are jokes but like god do I need therapy? Holy shit). 29. What is your star sign?  Sometimes, when I'm lost, I like to look for a sign to know whether I'm standing in the light of the word, or its darkness (the joke is that I use the sun as a sign for if it's daytime hartyharhar). 30. What are your favorite books?   31. Do you have any siblings?  two brothers and two sisters 32. Do you like to dance? Depends if you count air guitar and awkward lanky jolting as dancing cuz if yes THEN YA IM THE FUCKING MLG TRICK SHOT KING OF THAT SHIT. 33. What is your definition of cheating?  Summoning help in dark souls 34. Have you ever cheated on someone?  Nope 35. Do you regret anything?  Who the hell doesn't? Regret is a natural and essential piece of the human condition. It's horrible, but it teaches us how to live. 36. Do you have any phobias? Tight spaces high spaces suffocating in spaces (pluralized by virtue of multiverse theory) standing in line waiting to talk getting cut off cutting someone off cutting myself my memes not being fresh enough you know normal people stuff 37. Ever broken any bones? Sadly, no😔 38. Ever come close to death?  I mean I almost killed myself several time soooo... (guys before you ask I'm ok now don't worry I'm just figuring my shit out😂😂) 39. What is your religion, if any?  I worship at the holy grail of Cthulhu ahem check your privilege 40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?  Yes. I had a crush on her. Refer to question #27 41. Are looks important in a relationship?  They aren't the most important thing but yes I like being sexually attracted to people I'll potentially fuck exclusively for the rest of my life 42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?  I refuse to identify commonalities 43. What is your favorite season?  Springs, or fall. I don't pay attention but I live in Arizona so whatever time my balls aren't stuck to my pants🤗 44. Do you have any tattoos?  No but if I did it would just be "[]" because it's basically "[insert here]" brackets so I could tell people it's for or means or is about anything I want to. 45. Do you have any piercings?  No. But I have pierced myself IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN😂😂🙌💯 46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?  1? One lasted four days does that count? Cuz then it's 2. God... I need to get laid. OR HAVE AN ADORABLE HUNAM TO CUDDLE AND TALK TO AND DO THE DIRTY WITH AS THE CHERRY ON TOP OF HER CHERRY😂😂😂 oh god I kill myself😂 47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? As MBTI lore would suggest (I'm an enfp btw howdy), my soul belongs to sexy anime babes. 48. Who is your celebrity crush? ... that just made me feel lonely and I don't know why 49. Are you a virgin? 😉 50. Do you get jealous easily? Depends on the situation. I always keep it under wraps though. 51. What is your favorite type of food?  BUFFALO WINGS!!!! THOSE BETTER EXIST IN THE HEAVEN I DONT BELIEVE IN 52. Do you ever want to get married?  Hell ya my dude! 53. Who was your first kiss with?  My first girlfriend. 54. Have you ever been cheated on?  ... 55. What is your idea of the perfect date?  No idea. Just as long as we connect really well and I have the sense of finding someone who actually makes sense as a person and does that in a way complimentary to who I am. Talk about life I guess. NO HOLY SHIT TALK ABOUT LIFE FUCK YES!!!! 56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?  Introverted extrovert😉😉😉 57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?  I doubt it but I believe in a neighboring universe where Hitler doesn't have a mustache soooo.... 58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?  Self esteem 59. What is your saddest memory?  Hahahaha... no 60. Do you believe in love at first sight?  no but I do believe in getting your jimmies rustled on first sight😉 61. Do you believe in soul mates?  I'm a nihilist. I believe in finding someone who fits you well enough that the tear in your soul is mostly ignorable, but not anyone who's made for you 62. Have you ever dyed your hair?  No 63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?  So one of the definitions for my name in urban dictionary is "Torin: likes to masturbate with the slimy sea creatures of the sea to get that real pussy feel. Synonymous with 'squids'."... apparently that escalated from fiction to fact very quickly. 64. Would you go against your moral code for money?  It depends. Ends justify the means. For example: I would stomp several puppies to death in an absolutely brutal fashion in order to save the lives of millions of children starving to death in Africa. 65. What are three things most people don’t know about you?  I've struggled with depression since 8th grade. I'm fairly certain their are missing pieces of my personality, which would explain why there's a different version of me for every person and why I forget who I am after just like 2 days of being alone. I don't cry a lot but it's not for healthy reasons. 66. Who are you jealous of? Basically everyone 67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?  NO BUT NOW I WANT TO I JUST GOT ALL WARM AND FUZZY FEELING 68. How long was your longest relationship?  About six months 69. Is the glass half empty or half full?  It's in the eye of the beholder. It doesn't really matter which one it is though, it only matters what you do with what's left. 70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?  😳 I'll wait to tell you until the third date😉 71. Who are your closest friends? Currently a college friend who's out of state. I tend not to stay particularly close to people for too long tho... ok well shit now I'm sad 72. Are you in a relationship?  Nope 73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?  I don't even have a joke wow fuck I'm lonely 74. Are you a bad person?  STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT IF I DO AND I DECIDE IM NOT I WILL SLIP INTO A SEVERE DEPRESSION that sounded funny in my head holy shit no it was not 75. Are you a lover or a fighter?  I fight for love💁 76. What did you do on your last birthday?  Some stuff my mother wouldn't be proud of 77. What is your favorite quote and why?  “Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I've done it a thousand times." -Mark Twain. It illustrates some things I'm not in the mindset to process 78. If your best friend died, what would you do?  NUUUUUUUUUU FUCKIN STAAAAHHHHHPPP I WILL CRY 5EVR 79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?  Beat my bitch ass (holy shit I need to process stuff stop asking me these questions I thought I had a healthy-ish self esteem but clearly not #sendhalp) 80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?  I have ADHD, so probably process everything at once and feel to panicked to do anything. That or the stimulation would be enough that I'd do everything and anything I wanted with no inhibitions. 81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?  One time I sucked on this hot chicks nipples and not only did it taste nasty but the nipple grew and stabbed my fucking throat OMG I DEEPTHROATED A NIPPLE THAT JUST CLICKED WTF 82. Are you happier single or in a relationship?  In a relationship, if it's with the right person. 83. Who were you in a past life?  Mark Twain Bitch! 84. What is your happiest childhood memory?  I have no idea. None of them exist in a vacuum. They only matter in context of everything else. 85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?  The majority of my life since my first boner yes. 86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?  Oh I had like fucking 10 but they were all tv show characters except for one and I didn't like him that much. 87. If you were the president, what would you do?  I would gather as much information as possible about the most important matters and work down from there. 88. What is your ideal career?  Rn, comedian 89. What is your political affiliation? INDEPENDENT BITCH! 90. Are you conservative or liberal?  I'm left leaning. I identify more with liberal values but both are important in order to balance eachother out (that's why our political atmosphere is so volatile. Used to be we'd have a democrat then a republican and they'd switch every year, but congress would have the opposite orientation as the president. Now we have a switching one party system every year.) 91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?  FUCKING WOMEN ARE YOU KIDDING ME WOMEN ARE HOURGLASSES MEN ARE LIKE UPSIDE DOWN TRIANGLES WITH LEGS AND A LITTLE DONGLE HOW IS THIS A QUESTION??!?!! 92. Do you like kissing in public?  No. I'm constantly aware of everything going on around me so I need some privacy. 93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?  humans can choose super powers (I'm keeping this one from the last guy's answers fucking savage dude) 94. Where would you like to live?  NEW YORK CITY 95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?  NEW YORK CITY EXCEPT I STAY THERE 96. Describe yourself in one word.  eclectic 97. Describe yourself in one sentence.  LISTEN TO GREENDAY "walking contradiction" AND ANY SIMILAR SONG!!

#enfp #mbti #meyers briggs #4w5

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a-salty-frenchfry · 8 years ago

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all da questions fam

I hate you

Ask me things

1. What’s your middle name? Elyce

2. What are you listening to right now? Hikaru Nara by Goose House (from Your Lie in April)

3. What was the last thing you ate? McDonalds

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My aunt

5. Do you drink? Nah. I will when I got to Paris this Summer though hehe

6. Do you smoke? Hell no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Hair

8. What is your hair color? Black/light brown at the ends

9. What is your eye color? Brown

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nada

11. Dogs or cats? Cat

12. What’s your favorite animal? I guess cat or bunny

13. What’s your favorite television show? The Next Food Network Star or any of the Seasonal Baking Championships

14. What’s your favorite movie? Either Frozen or Moana

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Taylor swift and Alizée

16. How old are you? 18

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yeeee

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

19. What’s your favorite color? Pink or mint green

20. What was your most embarrassing moment?

This is the only one I can think of right now

In February, when I was at a French Conversation Hour, someone kept calling me and everyone is like “you should answer it” (I NEVER answer the phone if I don’t know the number by the way). So by the 4th call, I answered it, put it on speaker, said “bonjour”, and started speaking in French and acting like I didn’t speak any English (just in case it was a scam or something). After a few moments of worry and confusion she says “I have a package from Amazon…is this [my name]?” Then I start apologizing like crazy, everyone bursts out laughing, then I go to meet her at the Student Center to pick up my package and apologize some more (because mail services were closed and I ordered one day delivery). I explained that I was in a French club and never answer unknown numbers. I hope I gave her a fun story to tell her coworkers lol

TL;DR I answered an unknown number speaking in French in case it was a scam, turns out it was an Amazon employee with my package and I made her worried that I didn’t speak English

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not really. Probably still me, but without ADHD because it sucks and I hate it

22. What were you like when you were a kid? Hyper and lazy

23. What would your dream house be like?

Cozy one or two-story home with a lawn and nice furniture. The dream would be in the kitchen though since I love baking: double oven with convection, beautiful sink w/motion sensor faucet, and stainless steel two-door fridge w/freezer and a blast chiller, professional Kitchen Aid stand mixer, you get the gist. Basically a Food Network competition style kitchen 😍

24. What last made you laugh? SB2 reaction to Sailor Moon Crystal videos.

25. What is your favorite word? Fuck

26. What is your least favorite word? Almost anything that is associated with nsfw content

27. What turns you on? Boys who are too pure for this world (my current crush went on a 7-month international trip to do charity work in third-world countries 😭❤️ )

28. What turns you off? Conservatives (doesn’t mean I won’t like you at all. It just means I won’t like you romantically, which I’m assuming is what this question is asking)

29. What is your star sign? Cancer

30. What are your favorite books? The Mortal Instruments series

31. Do you have any siblings? Younger little shit brother

32. Do you like to dance? Alone

33. What is your definition of cheating? Acting on romantic/sexual feelings for anyone other than current significant other

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

35. Do you regret anything? Lots

36. Do you have any phobias? Arachnophobia and astraphobia

37. Ever broken any bones? No

38. Ever come close to death? More than once. Peanut allergies are a bitch 🙃

39. What is your religion, if any? Roman Catholic, but very loosely

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? No

41. Are looks important in a relationship? Meh. While looks are usually what attracts and starts a relationship, in the long run, you love the person for their soul, not just a pretty face

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? Mom

43. What is your favorite season? Spring

44. Do you have any tattoos? No

45. Do you have any piercings? Ears

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 2 bfs

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Multiple

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Don’t really have one, but I guess Zac Efron?

49. Are you a virgin? Yes

50. Do you get jealous easily? Only with close friends

51. What is your favorite type of food? Italian

52. Do you ever want to get married? Yes

53. Who was your first kiss with? I’m #foreveralone fam

54. Have you ever been cheated on? No

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? A walk. Just walking around a park, or an amusement park, or maybe a festival; talking, holding hands, perhaps buying a snack/souvenir from a street vendor; taking in the scenery and enjoying each other’s company.

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Ambivert

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Yes and no. The universe is way too fucking big to be certain

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? Musical

59. What is your saddest memory? When my parents broke the news that my grandma died

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. See 41. You can’t “love” someone for who they are before you even meet them. Otherwise it’s lust at first sight.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Sure

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? The lower half of my hair was dyed blue for about 5 months. Then I dyed to black again because Prom and Graduation

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Not that I know of

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? Not MY moral code.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? 1) I know 3 languages. 2) I want to go to culinary school in Paris. 3) I used to do horseback riding

66. Who are you jealous of? Anyone @sheeptansplayground calls her best friend who isn’t me lmao

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? No Yeah, like 3

68. How long was your longest relationship? 7 months

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? There’s liquid in it

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Do something romantic that’s tied with Filipino culture (even saying something like “I love you” in Tagalog is good enough for me. Lame I know, but I have low standards lmao)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? @sheeptansplayground or so I thought

72. Are you in a relationship? No

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? N/A

74. Are you a bad person? I’m human. Good/bad person is an imaginary concept made up by society. It all depends on perspective.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? Lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Had family and a couple friends over

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “People push you to your limits and when you finally explode and fight back, they think you are the mean one”. I relate to this a lot. There’s only one person I’ve ever exploded on and have felt *true* hatred for, yet I’M the unreasonable one.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? Fall into a major depression and give up on everything

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Reblogging this fucking post.

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? EAT and confess to my crush I love him

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

When I was in elementary school, I had a dream where there was this “special” star in the sky, and it looked like something out of a children’s book (it had a smiley face with dimples and was pretty cute). But I was unimpressed by it, which apparently hurt its feelings because it frowned and then shot down like a shooting star. Then the cops came after me. After that, I became afraid of shooting stars for like 5 years.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? Idk I’ve never had a “real” relationship

83. Who were you in a past life? A tiger Lol thanks BuzzFeed

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? Spending time with my grandma every Summer and Thanksgiving

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yep

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Nope

87. If you were the president, what would you do? Fix the damn healthcare

88. What is your ideal career? Pastry chef, perhaps a well-known one on Food Network

89. What is your political affiliation? Democrat

90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal af

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? Depends on your definition of “perfection”

92. Do you like kissing in public? Maybe a quick peck on the cheek or lips

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Goodbye greed

94. Where would you like to live? Either current hometown or France

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Nice, France

96. Describe yourself in one word. Shy

97. Describe yourself in one sentence. For the most part I’m a Cinnamon Roll™, but push me over the edge and you’ll get a demon. (Connected to question 77)

#reply #ask me anything meme #sheeptansplayground #i thought you were my best friend #traitor

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princeyandanxiety · 8 years ago

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Yo it's NOT cinnanon ( they're cool tho if you're reading this cinnanon I like your style) Do all 97 get to know u questions pls. This meme loving pizza nacho needs to know all the answers - memeloving pizza-nacho

Well, memelord, you get all the answers for this dumb thing. You know, I WAS going to write and finish off a poor anon’s prompt which has been waiting in my inbox for like four days but nope I’m doing this.

@andy-the-anon @prinxiety-logality-sanders-sides @anxietyandlogic @mira-jadeamethyst

1. What’s your middle name?

It starts with an A and that’s all ur getting

2. What are you listening to right now?

Summer’s Coming Early by Hi I’m Case

3. What was the last thing you ate?

Instant noodles lmao I had lunch like an hour ago

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

My mum to tell her that I’m not dead. That was on Thursday.

5. Do you drink?

Nope

6. Do you smoke?

Ahahahhaha I’m asthmatic heeeeell no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone?

When I first met one of my past crushes, I first noticed her eyes. They were super blue and pretty

8. What is your hair color?

Strawberry blonde

9. What is your eye color?

That is a hotly debated topic among my irl friends, but we’re pretty sure it’s grey.

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses?

Glasses so my brain doesn’t die trying to correct my astigmatism lmao

11. Dogs or cats?

12. What’s your favorite animal?

I guess I like quokkas?

13. What’s your favorite television show?

That I actually watch on television? Doctor Who. That I watch online? Miraculous Ladybug.

14. What’s your favorite movie?

Brave or Moana. Or Tangled. I like my Disney Princesses.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer?

All Time Low is my fav if I had to choose

16. How old are you?

Currently 17, but I will be 18 in a few months.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Nope annnnnd im starting to wonder if i ever will?

18. What’s your sexual orientation?

Bisexual. I think.

19. What’s your favorite color?

*looks around room* purple, apparently. Although i prefer wearing black or red

20. What was your most embarrassing moment?

That I can remember (and this is just that I can remember) is when I asked someone why they were down in my city for an event when they lived in Sydney. They were not the person I thought that they were, and I only realised it once we parted ways.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Yes? I usually wish to be more like my more extroverted friends.

22. What were you like when you were a kid?

I was a know it all and a nosy brat (not much has changed, then.) I also would not stop singing.

23. What would your dream house be like?

Big enough for a minimum of four people.

24. What last made you laugh?

Something that @prinxiety-logicality-sanders-sides said

25. What is your favorite word?

Adore

26. What is your least favorite word?

Régulièrement. I can’t pronounce all the damn accents fast enough for normal speech and my French teacher calls me out on it EVERY TIME I USE THE WORD.

27. What turns you on?

You know that song “every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed man”? Yeah that. But it applies to everyone

28. What turns you off?

treating/thinking that someone doesn’t deserve the same basic human decency just because they’re different

29. What is your star sign?

Leo. Which explains my constant need for attention and validation.

30. What are your favorite books?

ANYTHING WRITTEN BY JACKIE FRENCH

31. Do you have any siblings?

An older sister. We have a love-hate relationship.

32. Do you like to dance?

Do i evER. I use to take ballet and GOD do i miss it.

33. What is your definition of cheating?

As best as I can word it, being romantically/sexually intimate with someone else without one’s partner’s consent.

34. Have you ever cheated on someone?

I haven’t even dated someone, man.

35. Do you regret anything?

I call it the Incident of Year Seven. But the more I hear about what the other person in the incident has done since then, the more glad I am that the incident ended up happening

36. Do you have any phobias?

Leeches, the nasty little shits.

37. Ever broken any bones?

Scaphoid, left wrist.

38. Ever come close to death?

Lmao no.

39. What is your religion, if any?

Catholic Christian. I was raised as one and I’m still practising, even though there’s some things that I strongly disagree with.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?

I went to the school therapist once but that was because I’d just had a massively humiliating fight with someone.

41. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not really.

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?

Academically, I’m more like dad, but I think I’m more socially and politically like mum.

43. What is your favorite season?

Winter. Cold but I get to rug up and wear baggy shit without overheating.

44. Do you have any tattoos?

45. Do you have any piercings?

Only in my ears

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

One. In kindergarten. Almost had one in year 9 but I’m glad it never happened because we are actually very different people.

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Absolutely. So many crushes.

48. Who is your celebrity crush?

Natasha Negovanlis

49. Are you a virgin?

Yes

50. Do you get jealous easily?

Hahahahahahahahahaha yes.

51. What is your favorite type of food?

Fruits

52. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes! The only problem is finding someone who I’d want to spend my life with and reciprocates those feelings lmao

53. Who was your first kiss with?

A guy named Alexander. It was preschool.

54. Have you ever been cheated on?

We’ve covered that I’m desperately single.

55. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Well into the relationship, go out and have a picnic/have a generally nice day and then come back home and cuddle while watching a movie/listening to music

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introvert, absolutely.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?

Yes.

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?

The talent to know how to help people.

59. What is your saddest memory?

Uuuuh in terms of sad for me, it was finding out that i was probably never going to see my cousins again when they moved to god knows where.

60. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nah. I think that true love needs time to develop.

61. Do you believe in soul mates?

Yes, but I also believe that you have many and they’re not really romantic.

62. Have you ever dyed your hair?

I want to so badlyyyyyyy. The moment I come back from Europe in December im dying it!

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

Lmao I was and am boring who would want to spread a rumour about me?

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?

Depends how desperate I am for the money, and how against my moral code it is. If I’m struggling to make ends meet and it’s not like horrifically against my code I’d probably consider it.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you?

1. I have a ref and a vent blog

2. I purposely tanked my grades for Year 8 IT because I hated my teacher

3. One of my proudest moments is making my yr 10 teacher scared of a local lookout after writing a ghost story about it.

66. Who are you jealous of?

Anyone who can easily keep their friends without putting massive distances between them.

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?

Yes. I stole my teddy bear from my mum when I was a bitty Bella

68. How long was your longest relationship?

…………………….

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I dont know man, probably pin me to the wall and make out with me (i missed this question when i first posted this hhhhhhhhhhhhh)

71. Who is your most loyal friend?

Toss up between C, A, D or Ellie. C, A, and Ellie because they’ve put up with a LOT of my shit haha, and D bc he’s my longest friend that I still talk to

72. Are you in a relationship?

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

AHHHHH

74. Are you a bad person?

I like to believe that I’m a good person. I try to be.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter?

I’m more of a lover mostly because I can’t fight lmao.

76. What did you do on your last birthday?

I had a sleepover with my group! We ate a lot of lollies and had not-so deep and meaningful convos

77. What is your favorite quote and why?

“You have a brain the size of a peanut and a social clue the size of a grain of sand” - My best friend, about some ‘friends’ giving her shit abt being Christian. It’s so scathing and done.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do?

Cry. A lot. Because holy crap I love them a lot and they’ve done so much for me and helped me be so much more confident in myself. … i’m gonna go tell them that.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

NOT BURNING THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA. I AM *SO FUCKING MAD* ABOUT THAT

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

Spend it with all of the people I love.

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

I woke up crying because I had a dream that I’d missed a maths class.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship?

Idk man

83. Who were you in a past life?

Idk. Someone who wasn’t happy with the life they got and always wished to be more than they ended up being.

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?

An end-of-primary-school sleepover I had with my three closest friends at the time.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

HOO BOY HAVE I EVER. Yes.

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?

Noooot really?

87. If you were the president, what would you do?

Take all spending away from military and give it to education.

88. What is your ideal career?

Chemist with a translator gig on the side and flies planes on weekends.

89. What is your political affiliation?

Uuuuh to the left i believe? Like socialist? I support a lot of Bernie Sanders’ policies

90. Are you conservative or liberal?

According to my mother, liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?

Niether. People are gross.

92. Do you like kissing in public?

Pass.

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?

The distribution of wealth.

94. Where would you like to live?

Probably somewhere in France or Europe.

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?

Somewhere fairly cold and remote.

96. Describe yourself in one word.

Difficult.

97. Describe yourself in one sentence.

Mumbling mathematical sometimes guilty for no reason mess who simultaneously wants to have all the friends and be left alone.

HOO BOY I’M DONE AND I HATE YOU ALL

#ask #ask tag #andy-the-anon #prinxiety-logicality-sanders-sides #fuck you both #long post

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