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biggest-stupidhead · 4 years ago

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Bad Timing (Levi x reader) Part 11

Summary: How do you tell your friends that you’re falling for your big brother’s best friend?

Word Count: 8.2K (longest one yet)

The next few days flew by in a snowy blur. Most of your time was spent wrapping gifts and packaging baked goods to deliver to family friends. You grunted as you leaned heavily on top of the Tupperware container as you shoved in more sugar cookies. This particular batch was going to Erwin's coach and his family. The sound of wrapping paper tearing made you cringe, turning around you saw Hange holding up the two uneven lengths of paper. She smiled sheepishly at you before shrugging and taping the pieces together once more. Your mom and Erwin were currently out shopping at the mall, which was a good hour away from the hick town you lived in.

You and Hange had already been out shopping the other day. It had been very stressful shopping for all your friends and family. You were glad to have gotten the ordeal over with. Although it was stressful, you had enjoyed picking out the perfect gift for your loved ones. Some highlights included: a camera lense for Armin, a set of chain necklaces for Mikasa, a turkey hat for Sasha, a safari hat for Connie, and your personal favorite was a set of fancy tea cups for Levi.

You really had outdone yourself this year, even going as far as buying Erwin supplies that he would need for College. For Hange you had purchased her a fresh set of glassware for her experiments, since she was majoring in Chemistry and enjoyed doing work outside of the classroom you thought it was a fitting gift. Hange held up her finished product proudly, judging by the size of the box you guessed it was a pair of shoes.

"I can't wait to give these to him!" she gushed as she set the box to the side and began folding a sweater that the two of you had purchased for your mom.

"Yeah I'm sure he'll love them." you agreed. You weren't the only one who had splurged this year. Hange had bought Erwin a fresh pair of cleats for his freshman season at college.

"I hope so!" she chuckled as she boxed the sweater and the pair of earrings for your mom.

"What did you ask for this year?" you asked as you set the stuffed container of cookies to the side.

"Oh nothing special." Hange waved her hand dismissively. You weren't surprised, she wasn't exactly interested in possessions. She valued knowledge above most things, so the closest you could get to filling that need was to give her books or items that helped her learn and shit. You had learned that the hard way, a few years ago you had given her a nice bracelet, which was currently collecting dust on her dresser.

"Well what about your parents, are they doing something special this year?" you inquired, you knew that she had learned to appreciate knowledge from them. They used to go on trips and spend Christmas soaking up the culture of wherever they went. One of their most notable trips was to South America, Hange's favorite trip to date. They hiked in the jungle and learned about the environment and shit.

"Aw sadly no, they wanted to take a break and focus on their research here." She shrugged as she wrapped the box in snowman wrapping paper.

"Really?" you mused, although Hange's family was unconventional you admired their free spirit.

"Yeah, I'm particularly interested in my mom's project, she's studying these penguins in South America right now-" she continued to ramble on about her mother's studies and her father's work. Both of her parents were very active in the zoology community. Hange's rant was cut short by the sound of her phone ringing, she apologized before answering the call, walking out of the room for some privacy. Which you thought was odd, she usually wasn't so private with her phone calls, which at times could be annoying. You brushed it off as most likely being a conversation about gifts. You picked up your phone, taking the opportunity to answer the text that Mikasa had sent you earlier that morning.

"We'll be over around 7." her text made you feel giddy with excitement. Although this year would be a bit different you were still excited to see all your friends.

"See you soon!" you responded, you realized that it was probably a good idea to start dinner for your mom. She should be home any minute but still you set about preheating the oven for the casserole and the ham. Thankfully the Jeagers brought dishes as well, Carla made a mean pumpkin pie. You weren't expecting Kenny to bring anything other than booze. You fell into an easy rhythm as you prepared the vegetable casserole. It couldn't have been more than an hour later that your mom and Erwin stumbled in the door and dropped the bags down by the card table where we had been wrapping gifts. Your mom was quick to wash her hands and start the mashed potatoes as you checked the ham. Hange had began to set the table with Erwin, a christmas playlist had been playing to set the mood.

The Jeagers arrived right at 7, just in time. Grisha's arms were full with gifts, Carla toted two pies, Eren held a board game, and Mikasa had two bottles of red wine with ribbons around the necks of the bottles. Hugs and formalities were exchanged as they entered and put their gifts under the tree. Carla joined your mom in the kitchen to finish carving the ham. You and the other teens finished setting the table as everyone trickled into the dining room.

Just as the ham was placed on the table and glasses of wine were poured, the doorbell rang once more. Kenny had arrived, surprisingly only thirty minutes late. He had a huge bottle of vodka and another sizable bottle of whiskey. Your mom greeted him, taking the liquor from him and pointing him to his seat. Now that all guests were accounted for you began to dish out food and recount the past holidays that your families spent together. It didn't go unnoticed that Kenny was a tad uncomfortable, but thanks to Grisha's easy going nature and Carla's friendliness, he slowly eased up. Of course you and the other teens had your own conversation separate from the adults.

"-Do you remember that one year that I creamed you guys in Just Dance?" Hange gloated as she waved a forkful of ham in Eren's face.

"Ugh yes, but only because that was the year that Mikasa's ankle was sprained." Eren deflected, lifting his own fork to push hers from his face. Mikasa blushed and shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

"Well I guess we'll just have to see if that was the real reason after a rematch!" Hange teased before biting into the hunk of meat.

"I guess we will." Eren narrowed his eyes as he watched Hange chew the meat.

"We should play Mario Kart first, I want to redeem myself." Armin was quick to change the subject. Always quick to avoid possible conflict.

"Yeah I totally creamed you last time!" you gloated a cocky smile on your lips.

"W-What! No I had the most wins!" Eren's eyes were alight with anger. He was too easy to piss off.

"Wrong!" you said in a sing song voice.

"Knock it off you two." Erwin scolded from across the table, Eren's cheeks flushed when Erwin scolded him but you simply rolled your eyes. In the last few months Erwin had taken to hovering over you and your friends. It was strange, he had never shown so much interest in your social life until recently. At first you had been eager to tell him what was going on in your friend group, but now it was becoming annoying.

"Lay off Erwin, it's all talk." you scoffed with a roll of your eyes. Erwin's eyes hardened at your snarky tone, your guests eyes flickered between the two of you as you glared at one another. Until finally you snorted and looked away with a shake of your head.

"Uh...so who wants pie!" Armin, ever true to his anti confrontation nature filled the thick silence between the teens. Meanwhile the adults had continued to yammer on about all the hot hospital gossip.

"I-I would." Eren played into Armin's excuse to change the subject.

"Yeah sounds good." you sighed, defeated. Armin scrambled out of his seat and ducked into the kitchen, returning a few moments later with the pies. He dished out three pieces onto you and Eren's plates before serving himself. By the time he had returned, Hange had already changed the topic to the party the following day. You sat in silence as she rambled about the logistics for the party at your house.

"I think that Nanaba is bringing mac and cheese, Mike is probably going to bring those snicker doodles that he always makes-" You tuned her out, not interested in her current rant. Tomorrow's party wasn't the party you were really excited for. So you instead turned to Mikasa, hoping to talk about your plans for the 26th.

"So what time are you going to Annie's? Would you like to ride together?" you asked as you angled yourself to face her to better tune out Hange.

"We are heading over around 9, and sure I'm driving." Mikasa responded as she stretched to serve herself a piece of pie.

"Perfect, are you spending the night there?" you quizzed, unsure if you also wanted to spend the night there.

"No, we were going to go back to Armin's but I can drop you off here if you want." Mikasa answered as she took a bite of pie.

"Alright that sounds good!" you agreed, knowing that Mikasa was always a reliable designated driver.

Dinner had gone relatively smooth, despite the tension that now hung in the atmosphere between you and Erwin. The rest of the evening was spent in the living room opening gifts with a Christmas movie marathon playing in the background. The Jeagers left around eleven, which was later than they usually stayed. Kenny took the guest bedroom in the basement, since he was spending Christmas day with your family anyway. You checked your phone with a heavy sigh, already it was twelve am. You contemplated texting Levi to tell him happy birthday, but you weren't sure he would be awake. It was already six in the morning in France, and usually he got his three hours of sleep between four and seven in the morning. But you decided that if he didn't answer you could leave him a voicemail or shoot him a text. So after you changed into your pajamas and had snuggled beneath your covers, you pulled up Levi's contact, your thumb hovering over the small phone icon. Finally you just said 'fuck it' and pressed the button, the phone rang three times before he answered.

"Hey." his voice was thick and gravely as he spoke, immediately you felt bad. You knew that you must have woken him up and you cringed internally.

"Hey happy birthday!" you greeted, making sure to keep your voice low so you wouldn't disturb Erwin and Hange.

"Tch thanks." Levi mumbled, you pictured him running a hand down his face as he tried to wake up.

"you're welcome birthday boy." you teased as you fell back onto your pillows.

"shut up." Levi scoffed, you could hear his footsteps as he walked through the apartment, presumably to get his morning cup of black tea.

"you know you love it." you sighed.

"keep telling yourself that." Levi's voice was becoming clearer now that he was more awake.

"I think that I will." you answered with a light laugh.

"you still going to that party tomorrow?" Levi interrogated, you groaned. You had almost forgotten how he liked to stick his nose in your business, even when he was across the fucking ocean.

"Yeah what about it?" you huffed, feeling a bit defensive.

"Shouldn't you stay with your family or some shit." Levi sounded frustrated.

"My mom said I could go." you pouted childishly.

"Whatever." Levi grunted, and you frowned, unsure of where his frustration was coming form.

"Aw come on no need to be jealous, I'm sure you can find some rager in Paris. Not like you'll be missing much here." you chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hmph." Levi scoffed, you could hear the tinkling of his spoon as he stirred his tea.

"So....when are you due to be home?" you asked, deciding it was best to change the subject.

"Next week." Levi's tone was clipped.

"I'm so jealous." you sighed dreamily.

"Yeah Paris is way better than Shiganshina." Levi responded nonchalantly, you weren't sure if he was being serious or sarcastic. Either way he was telling the truth.

"No need to rub it in my face." you chuckled.

"Tch." He scoffed, you liked to imagine him smiling as he did so, even if he wasn't.

"Well I hope that this next week goes by fast, as much as I hate to admit it I've... missed you." you confessed, the tips of your ears scorching hot with embarrassment. The silence was deafening as you waited for him to say something, hell anything even if it was making fun of you.

"Whatever." he huffed, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered at the sound of his baritone voice.

"Just don't stay out late tomorrow." he quipped and you frowned, why did he care how late you stayed out?

"No need to worry about me, I'll probably just stay sober with Mikasa." You told him, only half honest.

"Never said I was worried about you." Levi sighed.

"Hmph fine be like that." you scoffed and rolled your eyes, not surprised with his response.

"Be like what?" He asked, genuinely curious what you meant.

"Like an ass." you quipped.

"Tch I'll quite being an ass when you stop being such a brat." Levi snapped, clearly you were approaching dangerous territory.

"Okay okay chill." you muttered, backing down before things got too heated.

"You're the one that brought it up.." Levi pointed out.

"Yeah and now I'm regretting that" you sighed, wishing he wouldn't be so stubborn for once. He sighed as well and you heard a small clatter on his end of the line, you figured he was starting the dishes.

"Look I've got some shit to do, I'll call you later okay?" Levi's voice was a tad strained and in the moment of silence you heard the sound of Isabel and Farlan bickering in hushed tones.

"Y-Yeah sure of course." you couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed.

"Happy birthday Levi." you wished him once more.

"Thanks, talk to you later brat." and with that he hung up, leaving you totally alone in your dark room. You plugged your phone in and rolled over onto your side, he could be so annoying. You inhaled sharply and decided that you would enjoy the party tomorrow to it's fullest. What he didn't know wouldn't kill him.

___

"Hey can I borrow your lip gloss?" you asked Mikasa as you leaned forward to apply another coat of mascara to your lashes.

"Sure which one?" she asked as she pulled her hair into high pigtails on top of her head.

"The cherry one." you answered after a moment of contemplation. She finished her hair before reaching into her makeup bag and pulled out the tube of clear gloss.

"Thanks." you said as you took the make up from her. You didn't usually put this much effort into your appearance when you went to parties but you figured since it was the first time you would be going to Annie's that this was a special occasion. Also you had a sneaking suspicion that two of your exes would be there and you at least wanted to look hot if you were going to get black out.

Plus Mikasa was also dressed up, she wore a tight fitting black top with long sleeves and a low cut neck line that showed off her pale collarbones and neck. She had chosen to wear a choker that had metallic studs surrounding the black leather along with some other layered necklaces. To match her top she had selected a red plaid skirt and some torn tights. You weren't dressed nearly as edgy as she was, but you too had gone for a grungier look. You'd opted to wear a tattered pair of mom jeans along with a black cropped tank and an oversized flannel to cover your shoulders.

You sighed as you finished applying the gloss and frowned, Eren and Armin were in the next room over blasting Post Malone. You assumed that Eren was on aux since Armin usually listened to Surfaces or Khalid.

"You ready?" Mikasa asked as she pulled on her Doc Martens and double checked her earrings.

"Yeah." you assured her as you stood up to grab your small backpack with an extra change of comfy clothes in case you ended up staying the night. The two of you left the room and knocked on Eren's door that was down the hall.

"Just a minute!" Armin's shrill voice sounded a bit panicked but Mikasa simply shrugged and headed towards the kitchen. The Jeager's house was a ranch style house with one main floor and a nice basement. The two of you waited patiently in the kitchen for the boys, it was already well past nine. You scrolled through your snapchat, most of the stories were the regular group picture of friends having a sleepover, the druggie kids showing off their weed, and of course Sasha and Connie posted a video showcasing the house party at Annie's. From what the short video showed, her house was dark except for some LED lights that flashed through multiple different colors. The music was deafening, and the kids that you could see seemed to be swaying to the pulsing music.Sasha spun the camera around as she knocked back a shot with her arm around Connie who blew a puff of vapor at the camera.

"Looks fun." Mikasa scoffed, you knew that she preferred more low-key parties.

"If you end up not liking it we can always dip." You shrugged, knowing that this wasn't exactly your speed either. Mikasa hummed in agreement and turned to look down the hallway as Eren's door opened. The boys emerged from Eren's room, Eren wore a pair of black jeans and a dark forrest green long sleeved shirt. Armin wore a baby blue knit sweater with a collared shirt underneath and black jeans as well.

"All set?" Mikasa asked as she turned to pull out a bottle of titos with a cute little sweater over it. You smiled at the cute accessory and nodded.

"Yep!" you said popping the p as the four of you all made your way out to Eren's car. You slid into the back seat next to Armin who was fiddling with the hem of his sweater nervously. Eren resumed his hype music as Mikasa backed out of the drive way. Eren pulled out his puff bar as soon as the car was out of the drive and took a long drag. Mikasa scoffed and cracked the window for him. He blew the billow of smoke out the window and reached to turn the music up. He reached back and dangled the puff for you to take, after a brief moment of hesitation you accepted it and cracked your window before taking a hit. Armin watched with wide eyes as you inhaled and blew the vapor out the crack.

"Since when did you vape?" Armin asked, his mouth agape in awe.

"I don't...at least not regularly." You admitted sheepishly.

"That's what they all say." Eren chuckled, smoke curling out from his lips as he smirked.

"Shut up I'm serious!" you snapped a playful smile on your face. Thankfully Annie's house wasn't far away, about a twenty minute drive. You pulled up to the house, it was huge. Standing at least three stories tall, with a long winding driveway. Mikasa pulled up behind one of the many cars in the drive way and parked the car. Mikasa led the way around to the side door, which was unlocked, piled of shoes littered the hallway. The sound of loud music greeted you as you walked into the kitchen on the main floor to set the alcohol you'd brought down. The real party was in the basement.

The lights were off, leaving the only source of light to be the flickering LED lights, you couldn't even tell who was who. The air was heavy with the mingling aromas of cologne, vapes, and weed. Armin practically clung to you as the four of you waded through the crowd to get to the seating area in the center of the room. As you got closer the overpowering scent of weed assaulted your nose. There on the large L shaped couch was Annie, she held a large bong to her lips as Bertolt held the lighter under the weed, she inhaled deeply and the bong bubbled. She pulled back and blew a puff of smoke right in Reiner's face, the blonde's face scrunched up in disgust as he turned away to cough.

"Yo." Annie greeted Mikasa who leaned down to dap her up. Once Annie had greeted Mikasa she turned her attention to Eren who was eyeing the bong.

"You want a drag?" Annie offered, patting the sofa next to her. Eren nodded and dropped down between her and Bertolt, who once again struck the lighter for Eren. Mikasa rolled her eyes and waited patiently for Eren to finish his drag. Once the bong was out of the way she lowered herself down onto his lap and pulled her puff bar out to take a long drag. Armin shifted awkwardly behind you and tugged on your sleeve.

"Want to go get something to drink?" he yelled over the booming music, you glanced at the bong longingly but decided that Armin needed you right now so you nodded in agreement.

"Sure." the two of you pushed through the crowd to the minibar where an impressive amount of liquor was waiting. You poured some Bacardi into a glass of and added some pineapple and orange concentrates before handing the cup to Armin. He thanked you and quickly got to work on finishing the mixed drink. You poured yourself a rum and coke and then two shots of Malibu for you and Armin to take. The two of you knocked back the shots before wandering back over towards the couch. The crowd had thinned out a bit, something about watching a movie in Annie's in home movie theater.

"-No that's bullshit, I know for a fact that you pissed your pants in the second grade Eren!" your eyebrows shot into your hairline at the words leaving Annie's mouth.

"Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I don't notice shit." She huffed as she lifted the juul in her hand to her lips and took a long drag.

"I-"

"Just take the L Eren we all remember." Bertolt shook his head and chuckled at Eren's flushed cheeks. You glanced at Mikasa, usually she would defend Eren but she seemed content to let him struggle through this one on his own, still perched on his lap.

"We've all had accidents before." Armin said with an awkward chuckle as he sat down beside Annie, who looked at him with a blank expression.

"Like that time you tripped down the stairs and broke both your legs in fourth grade?" Annie quipped, a small smirk curling onto her lips. You choked on your drink at Annie's remark, she was an absolute savage.

"Exactly..." Armin flushed, lifting his own cup to his lips. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, but you were too invested in the conversation to be bothered to pick it up.

"Want a hit?" Annie offered the bong to you, you nodded. Although you'd never had weed before, you'd tried asking Levi for some of his but he always denied you. Annie held her hand out to Bertolt who placed the lighter in his open palm. She packed some more weed into the bowl before handing you the bong.

"You ever done this before?" She asked as she kneeled in front of you. You shook your head,

"Okay so I'll tell you when to inhale, and you've got to take a huge breath so you can get the smoke in your system. But then you'll have to take another breath to get it in your lungs." she instructed as she pressed the weed deeper into the bowl.

"Okay." you agreed, she nodded and struck the lighter, holding the flame over the weed in the bowl. You pressed your lips to the mouth piece and waited for her instructions.

"Inhale." she said once the weed was lit. You sucked in a big breath and the water in the bong bubbled. The smoke burned the insides of your throat as you inhaled it, you pulled the bong off your mouth and sucked in once more to get the smoke into your lungs. She nodded in approval as you coughed, smoke curling out of your mouth.

"Not bad for your first time." she commented as she took the bong from you and passed it to Mikasa who took a long drag before passing it to Bertolt.

"Thanks, that stuff burns." you coughed, Annie sat down next to you on the couch and draped her arm over the back. You felt the buzz from the weed and the shots you'd taken earlier, making your head spin a bit. Annie's thigh brushed against your own, you tried to focus on what she was wearing, a pair of grey sweats and a cute cropped peachy colored tank top with spaghetti straps.

"I like your top." you complimented, her hand fell from the back of the couch to your shoulders.

"Thanks." she said, turning to gauge your reaction to her touch. You swallowed a bit nervously, you'd known Annie since kindergarten, but you'd never really been friends before, she was always so quiet.

"I always thought you were a good kid." Annie smirked, her eyes a bit playful.

"What made you think that?" You giggled, shuffling closer to her.

"Your brother is like the school's golden boy, and you are always in all the honors classes." she shrugged, you frowned. You were used to people coming up with these assumptions. She was right though, you did take honor classes, but that didn't mean you couldn't party!

"I guess...But that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy partying." you countered.

"I suppose." she chuckled, taking a hit from her juul and blowing the smoke away from your face. Your phone rang in your pocket and you frowned, as you dug it out of your pocket. Your frown deepened at the sight of Hange's contact lighting up your screen.

"Hang on I should take this." you apologized, moving to stand up to find a quiet place to answer the phone. Annie snatched your wrist and pulled you back down on the sofa, the room spun as you fell back down and slumped against her shoulder.

"Slow down there sweetheart." Annie chuckled as you leaned against her.

"I got to go answer my-"

"Nah just stay here, enjoy yourself." Annie pulled you closer, but your head was too foggy to protest, thoughts of your phone already fading into the back of your mind as Annie held the bong to your lips once more.

"She's still not answering." Hange chewed on her knuckle as she glanced at Erwin who was gripping the steering wheel. His brows were knit tightly together with worry, Levi shifted in the back seat, tapping his fingers impatiently.

"This is stupid, she can wait until tomorrow to see me." Levi huffed, trying his best to sound indifferent.

"Oh don't say that Levi." Hange frowned as she looked back at Levi, her eyes deep with worry.

"Don't worry about it." Levi grunted, turning his attention back to his phone. He opened snapchat, and scrolled through the stories. His eyes widened slightly when he stopped on Sasha's story, the video of the party played, he found himself looking for your silhouette among the swaying bodies. He tapped on his screen, expecting to move on to the next story, only to find a new video, added to her story less than ten minutes ago. A video of you with a red solo cup in one hand, and a juul in the other. You were leaned up against a blonde girl who was pushing a bottle of Pink Whitney against you, the pink alcohol sloshing in the glass.

"Come on (Y/n) finish it off!" Sasha encouraged as the other kids on the couch picked up on her chant.

"Finish it, Finish it." the crowd cheered as you sat down the cup and took the bottle from the blonde. You looked at the camera as Sasha shuffled closer.

"No pa-paparazzi please." you giggled, hiccuping half way through your sentence. You lifted the bottle to your lips and tilted your head back, the liquid spilled down your front, making your skin glisten in the colorful lights as you chugged the alcohol you managed to get in your mouth.

"Fuck yeah!!!" Sasha jeered, spinning the camera around to her face. The video ended and Levi felt his blood boil. He'd never seen you so out of it before and he hated it. He hated how easily you had given into doing something so stupid, he hated the sight of the juul in your fist, he hated the way the girl's arm was tightly wrapped around your waist, but most of all he hated that he wasn't there.

"Wait, I think Sasha's snap map is on." Hange mumbled, her phone screen casting a pale glow over her glasses as she zoomed in on Sasha's bitmoji. Sure enough Sasha's bitmoji was on the map, surrounded by at least twenty other bitmojis gathered in one location.

"Okay let's head that way then." Erwin sighed as he started the car and backed out of his parking spot in the airport parking lot. Erwin pulled out of the small airport that was about thirty minutes away from your town and set off towards Annie's house. Thankfully Annie lived on the outskirts of town so it wasn't as far of a drive. It wasn't long before Erwin was pulling up a long winding drive that was full of cars. He parked at the back of the line of cars and got out of the car with a heavy slam of his door. Levi slammed the back door of the minivan as hard as he could, the two of them marched up the driveway silently with Hange following nervously.

"You guys please slow down it's icy out here." Hange begged as she slipped on one of the steps to the side door. The three of them piled into the house, Hange knew it was bad when Levi didn't bother to kick his shoes off before continuing towards the basement steps. Erwin stormed down the steps, the music getting louder as they descended. Erwin paused at the bottom of the steps to take in the scene, cups littered the floor, the room was hazy with smoke from juuls and the scent of weed clung to the air. A group of partygoers was crowded onto the couch, Levi's eyes narrowed onto the back of your head.

"Yoooo that's ice cold." Eren's loud voice could be heard over the music as the teens passed the bong between one another.

"No it's the truth." you slurred, the empty bottle of alcohol still in your fist.

"Well sorryyy that I forgot that I had gum in my mouth." Connie said, waving his hands in front of his face.

"You're an idiot." Sasha laughed boisterously as she shoved a handful of pretzels into her mouth.

"damn straight." Annie agreed, taking the empty bottle from you and setting it on the coffee table. Erwin stalked across the room and stood behind Bertolt, who was now on the floor. The conversation came to a halt at the sight of the uninvited guests.

"Woah I think I'm seeing things." you said, tilting your head downwards as you tried to understand why you were seeing your brother.

"Me too." Reiner agreed, his own distant gaze honing in on his team captain.

"Get up we're going home." Erwin's voice was cold and commanding as he glowered at you.

"I don't wanna leave." your eyes hardened with denial. Erwin stepped over Bertolt, once he had moved your eyes landed on Levi, who was glaring at you with those dark eyes.

"I'm definitely seeing things." you grunted as Erwin pulled you off the couch and away from Annie's warmth.

"Hey man she said she didn't want to go." Annie snarled, jumping to her feet, her icy blue eyes sharp.

"Yeah well she's drunk as shit and doesn't know what she's saying." Levi snapped back at Annie, who had a hand clamped down around your arm. Hange shifted nervously behind the couch as she watched the scene unfold.

"You need to leave." Annie growled, pointing a finger at the stairs.

"That's what we're trying to do dumb ass." Levi growled, taking a step closer to the circle of teens.

"Leave her alone she can make her own decisions." Reiner quipped, rising to his own feet.

"Stay out of this Braun." Erwin ordered, releasing you so he could turn and face Reiner.

"I'm just saying, she chose to come here on her own and she's enjoying herself so let her be." Reiner shrugged.

"She's had enough tonight." Erwin countered, shifting his gaze back to you as you swayed on your feet.

"No I haven't" you frowned up at Erwin.

"Yes you have. We're leaving end of discussion." he said with finality, once more reaching for your wrist.

"I'm not leaving Erwin." you protested, pulling yourself free from his grasp. He snatched your wrist once more and tugged you away from the circle. You gasped and stumbled after him, the protests of your friends echoing loudly in your head. Erwin hauled you up the stairs and out the side door, Levi and Hange close on your heels. He only slowed once you were walking down the driveway. You wrenched yourself free once more with a strangled cry.

"I said I don't want to leave!" you screamed, a few tears sliding down your cheeks.

"You always embarrass me in front of my friends just give me this one night!" you cried, the cold air making your face beet red.

"You'll thank me later." He said simply before turning to continue down the driveway.

"No I won't I'm going back inside." you turned on your heel and marched back towards the door, only for Levi to catch your wrist.

"You've had enough for one night." He scolded as you struggled against his hold. Hange chewed on her bottom lip with worry at the sight, this was not how she planned your reunion.

"Levi let me go." you said with finality as you met his eyes.

"No, you're going home." Levi's voice was tense.

"No I'm not."

"(Y/n) you're going home and that's final." Erwin sighed, running a hand down the side of his face. You spun around and glared at him.

"You're not my fucking dad Erwin so quit acting like it! Jesus it's so annoying I'm tired of it!" you screamed, your chest heaving with frustration, your breath coming out with puffs of vapor. Hange and Levi stood deathly still, knowing that the topic of your father was a sensitive one.

"Fine be that way." Erwin snarled and marched to the van and climbed in with a slam of his door. Hange rushed to get in the car without a second glance over her shoulder. Levi remained firmly rooted to the ground, his hand still wrapped firmly around your wrist as you cried.

"Get out of here Levi." you sobbed, shaking your arm to throw his hand off. He finally let you go, his head tilted down to the ground. You huffed, wrapping your arms around your chest before turning on your heel and stalking back towards the house. Levi stood there a moment longer just listening to the sound of your receding footsteps before he padded back to Erwin's car and slid into the backseat.

Your head was spinning as you pressed your back against the bathroom door, your lip quivering as you tried to contain your tears. You knew that you'd hurt both Erwin's and Levi's feelings, you also knew that they were only trying to help you. But there was only so much help you could except from them without them toeing the line between helpful and overbearing. You slid down the door with a whimper, you hugged you knees to your chest and rested your chin on top of them. A knock startled you out of your moping,

"(Y/n)? You in there?" You groaned when you recognize Jean's voice.

"Open the door please." He said softly and you felt more tears fall down your cheeks as you reached up for the knob to unlock the door. The lock clicked and you shuffled to lean agains the wall so he could open the door.

"Hey" he said as he stuck his head in, his amber eyes soft with worry.

"Hey" you sniffled, turning your head up to meet his gaze.

"What's wrong?" He asked, slipping into the small bathroom and closing the door behind him. He crouched down in front of you, his elbows propped on his own knees as he got onto your level.

"Well for starters, you kissed someone else when we were talking." you said a bit venomously. He cringed and plopped down to sit criss cross applesauce instead.

"I'm sorry I know that I shouldn't have done that but, I've been really confused....like sexually I guess." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and your frowned.

"I know, but it still hurt my feelings." you mumbled, a few fresh tears falling from your watery eyes.

"I shouldn't have led you on like that, it was a real jerk move." Jean agreed, his eyes still soft and comforting. You'd missed being his friend you realized as you sat on the cold tile.

"I've missed talking to you." you spoke your mind, managing a small smile.

"Me too, let's be friends again?" he proposed, offering his hand to you. Your smile grew wider as you extended your own hand to grasp his. You shook hands briefly.

"So are you and Marco a couple now?" you asked.

"Sort of.." Jean chuckled.

"You want to go back to the party now?" He asked, jutting a thumb towards the door. You nodded, although now you were beginning to sober up. He stood and offered his hands to help you to your feet. You accepted his hands and he pulled you to your feet. The two of you walked slowly down the steps to rejoin the circle of teens in the living room. Jean stopped at the bottom of the stairs his hand held loosely in your own. He squeezed your hand, asking for your attention. You turned and faced him, a questioning look on your face.

"You've got some-" He chuckled, lifting his thumb to his mouth and licking it before wiping away some rogue mascara off your cheeks. You gasped in mock offense as he wiped away the makeup.

"You're not my mom." you teased, pulling your face free as you turned to head back into the fray, trusting that Jean got all the black marks off your face.

"Nobody could replace Angie." Jean agreed as he followed you into the basement. The group of previously rowdy teens was now subdued due to your brother and his meddling party crasher friends.

"Hey look who's back!" Reiner greeted, causing all the heads to turn back to you. You smiled sheepishly and dropped back into your seat next to Annie.

"You alright?" She asked, her eyes scanning you meticulously for any signs of injury.

"Yeah I'm- I'll be alright." you stumbled over your words as the group watched you carefully.

"You want a uh beer or something?" Connie asked, lifting up an unopened can.

"No she doesn't you idiot!" Sasha snapped, elbowing Connie harshly.

"Ow well I was just trying to make her feel better!" Connie cried, turning to tackle Sasha. The two began to tussle, rolling around on the floor grunting as they struggled. You smiled, the pair never failed to make you happy. Annie draped her arm over you again as the boys began to place bets on who would come out victorious.

"If Sasha wins you've got to drink one of Connie's mixed drinks!" Eren said, leaning over to Bertolt who scoffed, his boyish features contorting with disgust. Connie was known for making the worst mixed drinks.

"You're on Jeager." he reached over Reiner and the two shook in agreement before turning their attention to the scuffle.

"Come on Sasha!" Eren jeered as Sasha bit down hard on Connie's hand. The boy yelped and tried to desperately pry her locked jaws off his hand. He gave up quickly and resorted to hitting her head with his closed fist, his face wild with panic.

"Tickle her neck" Mikasa suggested as she lifted a red solo cup to her lips. Your eyes widened in surprise, Mikasa usually kept quiet during these scuffles, unless of course it was Eren being thrown around. Connie's free hand flew down to Sasha's armpit and immediately Sasha released his other hand to roll away from him. Connie regained the upper hand, pinning Sasha beneath him as he tickled her ruthlessly. Jean groaned and slapped a wad of bills into Reiner's open palm as Sasha slapped the ground in defeat. Connie threw his hands into the air and rolled off Sasha who was fighting for breath.

"Traitor" she moaned, her brown eyes glaring at Mikasa who shrugged indifferently. Eren groaned and frowned at Mikasa.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked as Bertolt looked relieved. Mikasa shrugged once more a sly smile on her face as Eren pushed her off his lap.

"So" Connie jumped to his feet and clapped his hands together.

"About that drink." he turned and strutted over to the mini bar, followed by a sulking Eren and a smug Bertolt. You turned to Sasha who was now straddling Mikasa her hands around Mikasa's shoulders as she jostled the girl.

"Come on Mikasa why'd you sell me out like that?" she whined as she shook the girl, Mikasa's drink sloshing in her cup. Mikasa smiled as her eyes drifted to the group of boys, Connie had a large bottle of Tito's and a two liter of Mt. Dew in his hands as he inspected the two, his face scrunched up with concentration.

"Come on Sasha it's not like you wouldn't do the same if it were me." Mikasa scoffed with a roll of her eyes. You snorted at Mikasa's response, knowing that she was indeed correct. Sasha gasped and shook Mikasa harder.

"I would never do that to you! Besides you would win in any fight you fought." Sasha objected, leaning back on Mikasa's lap her arms extended.

"Psh whatever." Annie scoffed, a playful smirk on her lips.

"Not all of us are masters at kickboxing." Sasha pouted as she climbed off Mikasa's lap and dropped onto the empty space next to her. You knew that Mikasa had participated in the sport for the past few years, but you were confused when Sasha looked between Annie and Mikasa.

"What you didn't know?" Annie asked with a smirk. You shook your head,

"No I guess I don't know." you laughed as Annie licked her lips and she threw her arm back over your shoulders.

"Mikasa and I are on the same kickboxing club." She shrugged as you settled back into her side. Your mouth opened into an 'o' shape in realization as Annie dug her juul out of her pocket and took a hit. Mikasa nodded in agreement, her eyes shifting back over to the boys, who were laughing loudly as Eren chugged a cup of mystery liquid.

"Really? I had no idea." you said as you followed Mikasa's gaze. Eren was now leaned over gagging as Armin patted his back with a worried expression.

"-You dodged a bullet there!" Reiner quipped as he patted Bertolt's back as the tall boy watched with a disgusted face.

"Hey where did Ymir and Krista run off to?" Sasha asked, whipping her head around to look for the pair.

"Probably making out in some corner." Reiner scoffed as he dropped back onto the sofa, the rest of the boys rejoining the group as well. You nodded in agreement, it was no secret that the pair had been seeing each other recently.

"Guess so." Sasha sighed, slumping back into the sofa, throwing a glare at Connie who was now seated next to her with an arm over the back of the couch. Eren and Armin were the only once unaccounted for, you assumed that they had fled to the bathroom given the state Eren had been in after drinking Connie's concoction. Jean had managed to slip away with all the commotion, probably to return to Marco. Annie sighed, glancing at her phone with a frown, it was well past three at this point and you were starting to feel the fatigue.

"Well I think that I'm heading off to bed." Annie yawned, the others seemed to be mellowing out as well.

"You guys can crash here or my brother's room is open as well as my sisters rooms." She said as she stood up. You immediately missed her warmth as she lingered by the couch.

"I call Eric's room!" Sasha perked up, also standing up to run towards Annie's younger brother's room.

"No fair!" Connie yelled, giving chase. Mikasa sighed and stood up as well.

"I'd better go check on Eren and Armin." She mumbled as she stalked off towards the bathroom.

"Are you staying the night then?" Annie asked you as you also stood up, not sure if you should go after Mikasa.

"I'm not sure, Mikasa was going to take me back to her place..."

"You can sleep in my room with me." She offered, tilting her head towards the stairs. You bit your lip as you weighed your options. Mikasa had been drinking and smoking and you knew that she wasn't stupid enough to drive so you figured that you weren't leaving any more.

"We'll sleep in Sarah's room." Reiner said as he and Bertolt began to retreat up the stairs. Leaving just you and Annie in the basement living room, she raised a brow as she waited for your answer.

"No pressure." She said as she began to walk towards the stairs.

"Yeah I'll sleep with you." you blurted as you jogged to catch up to Annie. She smirked at your wording and you flushed.

"Not like that!" you slapped her arm as she led the way up to the top floor which was a maze of closed doors. She slipped into one of the closed doors, into a large bedroom with a queen sized bed in the center of the room. She emptied her pockets before climbing into bed, pulling the covers back for the both of you. You slid into the open side and sat your phone on the bedside table. Annie sighed with relief as she nestled into the covers, scrolling through her phone as you closed your eyes in an attempt to sleep. After a few minutes Annie put her phone down and rolled over, now her front was facing your back.

"You awake?" She whispered, you rolled over to face her as well.

"Yeah" you answered, resting your head on your arm as you focused on her features as best as you could in the dim lighting.

"You wanna make out?" she asked, your eyes widened in shock. You weren't sure if she was being serious or not.

"For real?" you blinked rapidly as Annie shuffled closer and pushed a lock of hair out of your face.

"I mean yeah." she huffed a shy smile on her face. You pursed your lips in thought, you had never kissed a girl before, and it wasn't like the thought of doing so had never crossed your mind. You shrugged and leaned slightly into her touch.

"Yes or no." She said as she propped herself up on her elbow so she was looking down on you.

"Sure." you agreed, she leaned down as soon as the words left your lips. Her lips were so soft compared to the boys that you'd kissed in the past. Her hand that had been in your hair now traced over your cheek bones as she licked your bottom lip. You opened your mouth for her to slip her tongue in, the taste of weed and pink whitney mingling on her breath. You met her tongue a bit timidly as she licked your bottom teeth. She pulled back after a moment to readjust herself so that she was now laying down on top of you, caging you in her arms as she leaned down to kiss your chin.

"You're so cute." she mused, her lips pressed against the corner of your mouth.

"You're really pretty" you breathed as her lips hovered over your own once more before connecting her lips with yours once more.

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pastelsandpining · 4 years ago

Text

Under the Mistletoe

The eleventh prompt in 12 Days of Christmas by @zelink-prompts

Prompt List

Words: 2195

Summary: Zelda decides to try her hand at the mistletoe tradition, and it doesn’t go as planned.

BotW pre-calamity

Zelink-mas 2020 l Masterlist

For once, all inhabitants of the castle were worried about something other than the impending Calamity. It was still in the background and hovering over the kingdom like a storm cloud, but even her father had let up on his strict insistence of her training now that the holidays were edging closer. Zelda always favored this time of year. Seeing the halls of the castle decorated with holly and glittering fairies made her heart swell. It always gave her the impression that things were going to be okay. The staff putting up a tree the size of a pyre in the Great Hall made her smile. Everything about the holidays reminded her of her mother and of the fun they had when they took the time to decorate.

It was just a shame she couldn’t marvel at the décor today, because she had a plan in mind. Well, it was more of an impulsive decision than anything. It took less than a year, when she really paid attention, for her to catch on to the maidens and their habits. She wasn’t sure where they’d gotten it from, but she saw bundles of mistletoe tucked into doorways and corners as if they were trying to catch a knight under one. She heard their quiet giggles as she passed them, and she even caught a pair one year, proving that some still held to the tradition. Zelda managed to snag a bit for herself, and now she was walking through the halls as fast as her feet could carry her without looking suspicious. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and her hands were shaking, but she’d already committed to her idea. She couldn’t just give up now. What would she do with the mistletoe then? Return it? She had no idea how she managed to get it in the first place, and she wasn’t stealthy enough to sneak it back.

Zelda shut the doors of her bedroom behind her and leaned back against them, eyeing the green bundle of leaves and white berries in her hand. It began to dawn on her then just how incredibly stupid and inappropriate this was.

A wave of nervous nausea hit her and she held the plant tighter. This was never going to work. For the mistletoe tradition to be effective, both parties had to give consent. She really had nothing to go off of that made her think Link would want to kiss her. Why in Hylia’s sake did she grab this?

A knock on the door startled her out of her mental scolding and she jumped away from it with very warm cheeks.

“Yes?” she called out, though she dreaded the voice that would answer. Link always came by around this time--she’d memorized it to the nearest second and sure enough, his voice carried through the oak doors back to her.

“It’s me, Princess.” Of course it was.

Zelda quickly tossed the plant onto her vanity, but she had nothing to cover it with. The best she could do was stuff it between the mirror and the top of the table, and hope he didn’t see it. She nearly tripped trying to get back to her chair--where she wouldn’t look so suspicious.

“Come in,” she called, dropping into the seat just as her door swung open.

“I-- are you alright?” Link crossed the room in seconds so that he could crouch before her with furrowed eyebrows. “Your face is red.” His hands, far gentler than they should’ve been with how calloused they were, held her cheeks, and then her forehead. Goddesses, did he have to be so stupid?

“I’m fine,” she assured, but she made no effort to bat his hands away. “It’s just a little warm.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a fever?” he asked. It took all of her willpower but this time, she took his hands and pulled them away from her face in the hopes that he stopped asking so many questions.

“I think I would know if I were sick, but thank you for the concern.”

Link still looked skeptical, but he dropped the subject and sat himself on the floor as if there wasn’t a chair behind him. A chair she’d brought into her room specifically for him.

“Delivery from Purah,” he said at last and extended the Sheikah Slate to her. Zelda snatched it eagerly and activated it, tapping away so she could discover whatever the little genius had uncovered.

“The Sheikah Sensor?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Purah said there’s a compendium programmed into the Slate. You can register anything into it from plants to monsters by using that ruin there--it creates real time images, and the sensor will track whatever you set it to.”

“Brilliant,” Zelda mused. “This could be incredibly useful in finding rare herbs for medicine, or perhaps even other Sheikah relics! If we captured, say, a guardian, do you think it would help us uncover more? Did Purah mention anything about it?”

“I’m just the messenger,” Link replied with his hands up in defense. “Technology is your thing, Princess.”

“Some use you are,” she joked as she searched for whatever rune would allow her to capture her surroundings in real time. She wasn’t quite sure how it worked, but she lifted the Slate to find Link on the screen as if it were a reflection. “Smile.”

He blinked, but she snapped the image before he could do anything else. A smaller image popped up over the picture, zoomed in on the handle peeking out over his shoulder. In small text read the words ‘Master Sword’. She handed it over eagerly, itching to know how it knew the name of something so specific. It was programmed in without a doubt, but how had the Sheikah managed such an impressive feat?

“So if I captured you on the Slate, do you think it would say ‘goddess blood’?” he asked, panning the device to her. Zelda raised her hands in front of her face.

“I highly doubt it,” she replied. “I don’t think it would be that specific.”

“I wonder.. how far can it capture?”

Before she could think to stop him, Link was on his feet and adventuring around the room, pointing the Slate at anything he could find. Zelda stumbled after him, nearly tripping on the hem of her skirt.

“I thought technology was my thing,” she accused, reaching for the relic.

“It’s not detecting much,” he replied with a shrug, spinning to face her. “But it catches the bow.”

Ah, right. The royal guard’s bow that sat on the mantle of her fireplace. The same bow that Link had once gifted her, but she never thought to hide it until he was already in her room, and he never said a thing about it to make her want to take it down.

“Register it,” she said with a shrug. “But I believe it’ll be quite impossible to fill. There are thousands of things across Hyrule that it may recognize.”

“We could do it,” he answered, glancing over to her before doing a double take back to the Slate. It wasn’t until he started walking towards her vanity that she realized what it might’ve picked up. All previous color drained from her face and she resisted the urge to curl up and hide. Could she fake innocence?

“What is it?” she asked, but her voice was hardly as convincing as she would’ve liked it to be.

“Mistletoe..?” He pulled it from its pathetic hiding spot and lifted it so he could get a better look. Zelda took a shaky breath.

“It’s odd how mistletoe and holly get mixed up to this day,” she rambled, fiddling with the sleeves of her dress. “One incorrect depiction led to the red berries being associated with mistletoe. I thought perhaps I could study both plants and see what further differences exist so we might correct that misconception.”

Link looked—well, she wasn’t quite sure how he looked. He could be impossible to read when he wanted to be, and it made her hate how much of an open book she was by comparison. He probably saw right through her, could read every twitch of her hands and every movement of her eyes. He crossed over to her, setting him close enough to press the bundle into her hands.

“Your business is your business, Princess,” he said at last as he took a step back. “But for your research, it’s more effective to hang it up.”

“Link, I-“ Zelda stepped forwards, reaching a hand out to him before letting it fall back to her side. There would really be no going back from this, no matter what she said or did. Her impulsivity got her into this mess, and she had no idea if it would get her out. She’d never flirted a day in her life. But she took a breath and lifted the mistletoe high above her head. “Care to prove your hypothesis?”

Link’s cheeks flushed, but he didn’t move. He was as quiet as ever, and she was starting to lose her nerve. Should she laugh and say that she was joking? Should she pretend a maid had left it behind?

“I-“ But she didn’t get much more out before she was interrupted.

“Princess, I-.. you’re not serious.” But he sounded unsure of himself.

“I am,” she stuttered and lowered her arm, holding the plant piece to her chest. “But it’s a silly tradition, and it’s never stated that you have to partake in it. You’re free to decline if you so wish and if I have caused any discomfort, I offer my sincerest apologies.”

“Zelda.” Her heart stopped in her chest. He never addressed her without the formalities attached. “If you wanted to kiss me, I’m in no position to deny you.”

“No,” she said immediately, resisting the urge to drop and stomp on the mistletoe. “You have every right to refuse.”

“I don’t want to.”

Zelda blinked and wondered if she’d really heard him right, or if she’d wake up to find herself alone at late hours in the morning. Of all the ways she realistically saw this going, it was not like this.

“I..” But she didn’t know what else to say.

Link enveloped her hand and gently pried the plant from it. With a faint smile that could only be described as sheepish, he held it above their heads.

“I want to prove my hypothesis. It’s important to the research of the princess,” he said.

Zelda searched his eyes, but there was nothing betraying any thoughts or feelings he might’ve had. In a way, she was getting what she wanted, but it wasn’t worth it if he felt pressured or...

“Link..”

He took another small step forward, leaving little space between them. There was enough wait time for her to pull away, but instead her free hand came up and she brushed her fingers hesitantly over his cheek. His skin was so soft and warm. She wondered if his lips were the same. The thought sent her head spinning and her heart pounding and she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. His eyes were too blue and too pretty, and his breath on her lips made her shiver, and Zelda closed the space between them with a quick and hesitant kiss.

“I’m sorry,” she stuttered, averting her gaze.

Link’s fingers grabbed her chin and gently lifted her head.

“I don’t think it was sufficient evidence,” he stated simply. “You always say a thorough experiment includes multiple trials.”

Her cheeks were burning hotter than they’d ever been before and she wondered for a moment if she did have a fever, because she was weak in her knees and the room felt very warm.

Instead of replying however, she grabbed the front of his champion’s tunic and pulled him into another kiss—this one far longer than the first. She let herself indulge a little, relishing in the fact that his lips indeed were as soft and warm as they looked. His arms hugged her waist, pressing her to him, and she let her fingers play with the hair in his little ponytail.

If anyone had told her that her ridiculous plan would work, Zelda would’ve laughed in their face.

When they finally parted, she dissolved into a fit of giggles and buried her face in his shoulder, because he was smiling at her and she felt like her heart was just going to burst.

“Was that sufficient evidence to back up your claim?” she asked. Link hummed in response.

“I don’t know. We might need to test it further,” he replied. Zelda squeaked out another laugh and lifted her head.

“You are insufferable.”

“And I’m keeping this,” Link replied as he waved the mistletoe in front of her face. She swatted at it with a huff.

“I thought I was using that for research. Steal your own.”

“Isn’t that what I just did?”

She rolled her eyes hard, but Link lifted the bundle above their heads with a cheeky grin, and she was in no place to deny him another kiss. A very Happy Hylia’s Day to her.

#zelink #botw zelink #botw link #botw zelda #zelink prompts #christmas prompts #mistletoe prompt #go zelda go zelda go #i like flirty link sorry not sorry

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melodyalanaroster · 4 years ago

Photo

What Do I Do?

Disclaimer: This is a sequel to Study Session.

Alana opened the door to the Gym and immediately zeroed in on the punching bags. Nathaniel looked at her and smiled. “That was quick.” She set her bag down, walked over to him and hugged him. Nathaniel looked concerned. “What’s wrong?” Alana looked around. “You have the Gym to yourself today?” Nathaniel nodded. “Kim is taking a personal day, so she lent me the key again.” “Good. Because I don’t want any eavesdroppers. I’m still not in a position for outsiders to see me weak.” “Alana, what happened?”

Alana proceeded to tell Nathaniel what had happened with Morgan, and everything that Morgan had told her. Nathaniel looked shocked at the news of what had happened with Rosalaya. Alana looked down. “I was so hell bent on being mad at them for abandoning us. For trying to turn me against you when I got back. For trying to get me to do stuff that I wasn’t comfortable doing. For making everything about them and refusing to listen to me. Now… Now, I just feel selfish.” “There is nothing wrong with you being selfish. You know that, right?” Nathaniel cooed as he held her. “Everyone keeps telling me that, but then, why do I feel guilty for not helping them?” Alana buried her face in his chest. “Because you have always been the helpful type. You always put others first and when you do take time for what you want, you feel guilty because you’re not helping someone else. And now, you’re in a position where you’re being told by all the people you believe have power in your life to take charge and be selfish. The thing is, now, not only is your helpful nature making you feel guilty, but certain people who are so used to you always being there are now having to deal with the fact that you are now only providing your help to those who are there for you.” Alana looked at Nathaniel, shocked. “I forgave Amber! I forgave her and am there for her… Why can’t I do the same for Alexy and Rosalaya?” She asked. “Love, you’ve already answered that question for yourself. Amber came to you, proved to you that she’s changed and grown up and then she apologized for her juvenile actions. Rosalaya and Alexy have committed acts that you cannot forgive. What makes things worse is that, while Leigh has left you alone on the subject, Alexy’s boyfriend has now called you into question.” Nathaniel explained.

Alana sat down on a bench and sighed. “This was not how my final year of college was supposed to be… I was supposed to come back to town, get back with you, finish college, then have us start our real adventure. My reputation is supposed to be so damn fearsome that no one would dare question me or my motives! For fucks’ sake! I spent the better part of the last five years becoming one of the most deadly people on the planet! I come home and Alexy and Rosa just expected me to be the same, sweet, little Alana!” She cried. Nathaniel sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. “I can sympathize with them on that… When I first saw you in that Alley with those guys, I couldn’t comprehend that you, you, had become a monster of the Black Tower… That they were afraid of you… And that the fear and respect you command was rightfully earned. I didn’t want to believe it. How could I? The kind, caring, sweet, woman I fell in love with ultimately embracing her dark side and becoming a sadistic, cruel, beast that the monsters of this world fear? It was unheard of.” he explained. “Everyone has a dark side. You know that.” Alana commented. “Still. It was definitely more of a shock to see your transformation. You left to care for your mother, then you went off the grid, then you came back as this. Love, I’m not justifying their actions, but I can see why they can’t wrap their heads around it.” Nathaniel had a point. She hadn’t been as honest with Alex and Rosa as she had been with him, Amber and even Castiel. However, she had stuck with her convictions and decided that they weren’t worth the truth. “I get that it’s a shock for everyone who knew me from before to see that… I never really showed you guys how much I love those cool, long coat wearing, boot stomping, weapon wielding, badasses like in Aeon Flux, Resident Evil and Underworld.” Alana sighed. “No, I knew how much you love them… You showed everyone that by dressing up as Black Widow at that Marvel Exhibition in High School… It just never occurred to me that you would actually turn into one of them.” Nathaniel grinned. “My transformation didn’t shock Viktor and Rini… Then again, they ARE my best friends and have known me the longest….” She commented. “Did they expect it?” Nathaniel asked. “No, but it was a bit easier for them to accept.” She replied. He kissed her forehead. “I can probably guarantee that they had trouble accepting it. They probably talked to your family and had a better support system than the rest of us.”

After a few minutes of Nathaniel holding her, Alana sighed. “I still don’t want to forgive them.” “You don’t have to. Alana, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. You told me that Armin has even stopped trying to get you to talk to his brother, so the fact that Alexy’s boyfriend has done this only proves his naivety.” He cooed. “I’m still upset…. They claimed to be my best friends, and yet they did all this, all while my ACTUAL best friends are genuinely helpful. The only problems that I have with Viktor and Severina are their fathers, and Viktor’s jealousy towards you.” She stated. “Why do you hate their fathers? And why, after all this time, is Viktor still jealous of me?” He asked. Alana went on to explain the events pertaining to the Chevalier incident, her suspicions that Achille Mekina had something to do with inciting it and the fact that Viktor still loves her, despite knowing full well that he will never be with her again. Nathaniel sat there, shocked. “He really waved a gun at you?!” He blurted out, angrily. “Calm down. He didn’t shoot…. As it is, I’m starting to wonder if his mentality was caused my another factor…” She pondered. “What do you mean?” He asked. “It’s a lot of bullshit… Achille has been acting like more of an entitled asshole lately. Viktor and Edgard have been developing a sickness that is quite odd… So, whenever I’ve been visiting Rini, I’ve been investigating her father.” She explained. “You think he’s behind this?” Nathaniel asked. “I think it’s a good possibility.” She replied. “Are you gonna get the organization involved?” He asked. She shook her head. “Only for resources and if I need to wield my power. Other than that, Severina, Verity, Viktor and Edgard will have to deal with him in their own way.” She sighed. “You’re really not going to handle it for them?” He raised an eyebrow. “I want to. Trust me, I do. But you and I both know that if I do everything for them, they won’t learn to take care of themselves. Not to mention how they’ll thank me for doing it, then give me those big “sad eyes” and tell me how I need to save myself and stop saving the world. It’s best to just do as much as I can while I allow myself to rest on that front….” She explained.

After several more minutes of talking, Nathaniel changed into his normal clothes. “Are you making progress with your situation?” Alana asked. “Its slow, but the officer I’m working with is doing everything he can to help me.” He replied. “I hope you know, I’ve already put my backup plan in to place. The Red Death has approved of it, and should anything happen to you, we will take over your situation.” She asserted. He looked at her shocked. “Already?” He asked. “Yes. It wasn’t that hard. It was simply a contingency that could be added to Protocol 216.” She stated. “Are you ever going to tell me what Protocol 216 is?” He asked. “Only after its been implemented. Until then, it’s best if you just know that it involves you, and gives you access to the Black Tower.” She explained. “Alana, why can’t I know now?” He asked. “Because you’re still involved with that cartel. Technically speaking, you’re a loose end. You may be important to me, which makes you important to the organization, but, if the cartel finds out the gravity of that fact before we’re ready for them to know, then it will make things more complicated for all of us… So, its best to wait until you’ve either gotten yourself out of it, or until we take over.” She admitted. “Oh.” He looked down. “Look, love, there are a lot of things that its best if you don’t know for now. As it is, you already have sensitive information inside your head.” She added. “Are you really threatened by them?” Nathaniel asked. “Not really. But, I have to think of every possibility of what could happen. One of those possibilities is that they could use you to get to me. We don’t need that happening.” She replied. Nathaniel looked down, a wave of shame crossing his face. “So, I’m putting you at risk.” He muttered. Alana shook her head. “Don’t think of it like that. There are plenty of things put into place for what happens if people come after me. They typically don’t survive long…” She assured. “Really?” He asked. “You think I got to where I am without making a few enemies? A bunch of people have tried to kill me. They were swiftly dealt with.” She explained.

About an hour of discussion and explanation later, they decided to go out to eat. As they waited for their food, Alana couldn’t help but think about what was going on with Alexy and Rosalaya. Her brain refused to truly leave the matter alone. It was eating away at her. “Nath, I can’t get over it. They were supposed to be my friends… Yet, they abandon me, pour drinks down my throat, negate Lysander and Armin, try to coerce me to be with that waiter from the Cozy Bear, leave you without a support system, and try to turn me against you.” She rambled. “Alana, it is okay if you don’t want to be their friend anymore. The only ones who will judge you will be them, and clearly Alexy’s boyfriend.” Nathaniel took her hand and held it, gently as he spoke. She looked at him and thought for a bit. She knew that he knew what was going through her head… The same thing that she had talked to him at the gym about. She thought to what her other friends had said about the situation. “What cunts! Kick those sad little bitches to the curb! You know who your real friends are!” Derek had boomed. “After all they’ve done and refused to do? Yeah, they’re not your friends.” Lyra had remarked. “Don’t give them the time of day, Mels. They’re not worth it.” Severina had huffed. “They don’t deserve you.” Viktor had shot. Armin was disappointed but not surprised when she had told him of his brother’s conduct. “If you really feel like it’s detrimental that you remain friends with him, then maybe you should cut ties. I can’t deny that they abandoned you.” He had said. Of course, Priya wanted her to give them another chance, and was fully intent on scolding her, until Castiel stopped it. “Do you really expect her forgive them? Do you not remember her telling us that they weren’t talking to her when she was in Toronto? Do you not remember how she was asking us what she did wrong?” He had asked Priya. “I remember. But…” Priya had begun. “No “buts” Priya. This is her choice. If she doesn’t want to forgive them, then we shouldn’t judge her for it.” He had cut her off. Alana knew she was still upset with Castiel for what he had done in his apartment, but she was grateful that he was defending her. Even her mother and sister were disgusted. “If they’re not worth your time, then they’re not worth ours. I hated how Alexy wouldn’t leave Ken’s ass alone anyway.” Sam had remarked. Most everyone she loved and cared about were all saying the same thing. She knew they were right, and that this was her choice. No matter how it made her feel in the short term, she knew it would make her feel better in the long run. Her mind then turned to what had happened at the beach. She remembered the fury she felt as she slapped Rosalaya. The hatred she felt in that moment. It all came rushing back to her in a wave of resentment. Alana looked up at Nathaniel and noticed the plates of food in front of them. “Nath! I’m so sorry!” she blurted out. “It’s fine. It’s a good thing I know what you like… The waitress was worried when I ordered for you.” He smiled. “I love you.” She beamed.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nathaniel asked as they got up from the table, and dumped their trash. “Yes please, but keep a safe distance. I don’t want them pulling you into something that they should know is my choice.” She replied. “Okay.” He smiled. As they walked towards Leigh’s shop, she explained what she was so focused on at the restaurant. Nathaniel clenched his fists when Castiel’s name came up, but she reassured him that she was still mad at him for what he had been pulling, although, she was happy for his defense. “Priya, always so self righteous.” He commented. “It’s okay. She’s easy to handle.” She sighed. He laughed when she brought up what her family had said. “I knew Sam didn’t like what Alexy was pulling, but I didn’t know she hated it to this extent!” he chuckled. “Yeah, even mom is upset with them.” She replied. When they got to Leigh’s shop, the sign was turned to “CLOSED” and they noticed that Leigh, Rosalaya, Alexy, Morgan and Rayan were talking casually. “Was not expecting this level of audience.” Alana muttered. “You can do this.” Nathaniel whispered in her ear.

“I’m sorry, but the shop is closed.” Leigh called as the door opened. “I’d say I’m sorry for barging in, Leigh, but that would be a lie. This is important and needs to be taken care of immediately.” Alana announced as she walked up to them. Nathaniel leaned against the doorway. Morgan looked at her and smiled, hopefully. “You might wanna go ahead and wipe that smile off of your face.” She shot at him. “Alana? What’s the meaning of this?” Rayan asked. “I see you’ve had time to think about what we discussed.” Morgan commented. Alexy and Rosalaya looked at her, a flicker of hope flashing over them. Alana stood firm in a position facing Alexy and Rosalaya. She looked at them solemnly. “What I am about to begin saying is a monologue, not a dialogue. So, no one will speak until I am done. Is that clear?” She started. “But, Alana…” Alexy began. “I SAID, IS THAT CLEAR?!” Her voice boomed. “Crystal.” Rosalaya began to shake. Alexy nodded. “I was not expecting a lecture and pleas for me to forgive you from Morgan. Perhaps my perception has deteriorated a bit since my return. I thought that, when he asked me to study, the conversation would be a lot more simplistic. Go figure, someone who is connected to you that actually asks for my attention wants me to do something for you. At least Armin and Leigh have gotten the hints. Then again, they know the biggest reasons why you two are recipients of my ire. They may not like it, but they understand it. Hell, even Lysander understands it. The past few months, I’ve wracked my brain over this situation. I begged and pleaded for your attention when mom and I were in Toronto. I contacted Leigh and Armin, asking them what I did wrong to make you two stop talking to me and they came up empty handed. I called, texted, tried to video chat, and got nothing. I even asked Lysander, Castiel, and Priya and they came up short. I had just lost Sylvester, I was in a constant state of fear of losing my mom, I had pressure from mom’s doctors and Carol, and I was alone in a foreign country half way around the world. Yes, I had everyone else, but I wanted to talk to you two. And what did you do? You abandoned me. You know? At least Castiel did his damnedest to try to keep up with me when mom had to relay information between the rest of the world and me. At least Lysander knew I still cared when I had the family get flowers and food to his and Leigh’s parents’ funeral. Sure, I couldn’t be there, but I did my best to make sure they knew I was there for them in some way. What did you two do? Essentially, you acted as if I had already died and you forgot about me… That is, until I returned. When it was made known that I was coming back here, you two popped up and acted like nothing had changed… Despite everything having changed. I get home and you two started pouring drinks down my throat, trying to set me up with Hyun, wanted me to get in on your crazy schemes and let me know that you completely disregarded the ONE THING that I had asked you to do when I first left! You not only abandoned me, you turned your backs on Nathaniel! Then you had the AUDACITY to try to turn me against him! You told me “he’s dangerous”, and to not worry about him. Even AFTER I told you that he’s a primary reason why I even came back in the first place! I made it very clear that I am one of the most dangerous things in this world, and you two still treated me like I’m some frail little princess. I KNOW what Nathaniel is a part of! And trust me, it wouldn’t take much for me to extinguish it! Literally, just a handful of orders! I thought I was done with this decision when I bitch slapped Rosalaya at the beach… But, apparently not. Between Morgan judging me and trying to guilt trip me into reconciling with you two, and my own brain trying to get to me, it’s eaten me alive. However, every time I talk to someone about it, they all say the same thing… That I don’t have to be friends with you two. Almost everyone else I care about agrees that you’ve been shit excuses for friends and that what you’ve done shouldn’t be forgiven. And it’s been solidified in my head and heart that I agree with that. You don’t deserve my forgiveness, and you sure as hell don’t deserve my friendship. After this, there will be no more confusion. You two are not my friends anymore.” Alana spoke with absolute conviction.

Alexy, Rosalaya, and Morgan looked at Alana, shocked. Rayan looked a bit surprised and Leigh looked disappointed but not surprised. “Alana! We’re supposed to be friends!” Alexy bleated. Anger flashed over Alana’s face. “That’s right! We’re SUPPOSED to be friends! But, when I was doing everything in my power to reach out when I was at my weakest points, you two turned your backs on me! When I was crying out and trying to get to you, you ignored me! When I came home, you rejected my requests and treated me like a pawn! THAT IS NOT HOW FRIENDS ACT!” She boomed. “But Alana we…” Rosalaya started. Alana turned to Rosalaya. “Don’t get me started on YOU! You go around acting like you’re everyone’s “mommy” all the time, telling them what to do with their lives, yet the only thing you’ve ever truly done to get what you have is be with Leigh all this time… And guess what? Did you forget that, not long after I enrolled in Sweet Amoris, you begged me to help you with him because you two were on the rocks? Yes, I feel sorry for the reason why you were in the hospital recently. I would only wish that on someone as a mercy for the innocent child who shouldn’t have to put up with shit parents. But that’s no excuse for how you’ve acted! You know what I’ve done to get everything I have? I’ve bled, sweated, cried, nearly died multiple times and have worked extremely hard. I have put in the effort! Hell, I’m still putting in the effort to get what I want! I train, go to therapy, work on documents and my “peacetime job”, try to hang out with friends, work on my connections, go to school, and give Nathaniel my attention. I MAKE AN EFFORT! Hell, I even make sure to keep in contact with Lysander and Armin! Which is more than what either of you do!” Alana cut Rosalaya off. “Then why did you ask me about Lysander when you got back?” Rosalaya asked. “We all know he’d lose his own head if it wasn’t attached. He hadn’t responded to my letters and texts in a couple of weeks and I figured that, since you’re gonna be his sister-in-law, you’d know something. But, no! You only ever told me to “forget about him”! Wow, you must REALLY love Leigh if you’re willing to disregard his little brother like that! The guy got into a car accident, got temporary amnesia, lost his parents, and took over his family’s farm and you just go out and tell people to forget about him? Then again, that’s how you are. You claim to be this “kind, sensible, compassionate, woman”, but in all actuality, you’re none of those things… You act that way to the outside world, but its easy to tell that you’re only, truly, like that to Leigh. What makes this even sadder is that, when I first knew you, you really were a “kind, sensible, compassionate, woman”. You were more mature than me at the time. You really were the “mom” of the group. But, between then and now, something has turned off. You’re more preachy, more hypocritical, more insufferable.” She then turned to Morgan. “You say that I’m a “good person”, but what you haven’t really gotten through your thick skull is that even good people have their limits. Please, take what I told you in your dorm to heart.” She sighed.

As she began to walk away, both Alexy and Rosalaya stepped forward. “Alana, please don’t do this.” Alexy’s voice cracked. “Please.” Rosalaya pleaded as she reached for Alana’s hand. “I judged people guilty and watched Derek execute them for much greater crimes who have pleaded for forgiveness much more convincingly than you. They offered me money, power, and other items in an effort to save their own skin. I have watched them bleed, sweat and cry as they even began to ask their gods for forgiveness and to be spared. Your lives may not be on the line, but you are still not begging me to forgive you in any way that sounds like you’re remotely sorry for what you’ve done. You show no remorse. And that makes this much easier… I will never forgive you. I will never be your friend again. Your existence in my life these past few months is a stain that only time will wash out.” Alana jerked away and looked at them, angrily. Alexy and Rosalaya stood back, their hands still slightly reaching out. Alana turned away and walked towards the door. “Let’s go Nathaniel, we’re done here.”

As the shop doors closed behind them, Alana felt a wave of relief wash over her. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” her subconscious tried to tell her. She looked at Nathaniel. “I did the right thing.” She stated. “How do you feel?” He asked. “Do you remember how, when I found you on the stairs at the beach, I said that I had performed “small surgery”? Well, this feels like I just cut out two tumors out of me. And, honestly, even though part of my subconscious is upset that I did that, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off of me.” She explained. “I never thought I’d see the day where you’d do this.” He sighed. She looked at him and sighed. “There’s a lot of things I’ve done and am doing that you never thought you’d see. But here’s the thing… For years, everyone has made expectations for what I should do, how I should act, and who I keep in contact with… At this point, I’m ready to throw those expectations out the window. I need to. Not doing so will be detrimental to me. I need to start doing what I want, when I want, and with who I want. While I have been working towards that for nearly a year now, I’m not to where I need to be. Formally cutting ties with Alexy and Rosalaya is a big step in the right direction.”

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I was actually quite torn about writing this one... I was torn simply between having her go to the Gym and confide in Nathaniel or go to the Break Room and having her confide in Rayan. But, as Nathaniel is one of the only people outside the Tower that she is the most open with, I thought it would be best to have her talk to her one true love.

This also closes the door that is opened in Study Session. I was going to give Alexy and Rosalaya a chance to reenter Alana’s life, but then I decided that it would be better for her to completely shut that down.

Timeline wise, I’ve decided that this takes place in between Episode 10 and Episode 14. I know, this is a lot of dialogue and little actual action.... But, I had a lot to cover here.

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danetobelieve · 4 years ago

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Weeb Night Two Electric Boogaloo || Rio, Skylar and Winston

Location: Nic & Skylar’s Home

Timing: the evening of the 17th of June

Tagging: @3starsquinn, @theskyeandsea & @danetobelieve

Description: The gang has weeb night two, Rio and Winston get progressively more awkward as the night goes on.

Warnings: N/A

Winston would say that uncomfortable was an understatement. It wasn’t that they regretted kissing Orion. Quite the opposite. If anything they wished that they had been able to keep kissing him. But things hadn’t gone that way and Orion had gone in search of a toilet and Winston feeling supremely awkward and slightly rejected had ghosted. Probably not the best move but in their defence they had been very drunk. They’d asked one of Todd’s friends to make sure that they got home okay and everything and they’d waited up in their room to make sure that they heard the door close behind them just across the landing. They’d finally collapsed into bed before eventually waking up with their face stuck to a floorboard. Honestly, they were impressed they’d fallen out of bed without waking up. But as they looked at the front door to Skylar’s place with snacks in hand they wished that they were a better liar. If this hadn’t been pre-planned they’d have said they had to work. But if they tried to lie now they’d just upset someone and they could deal with awkward … right? Swallowing, Winston raised their hand and knocked on Skylar’s door. They were armed with drinks and snacks. “Hey, thanks for having this again, it’s been too long since I’ve got to do something normal like watch anime with friends.”

While the immediate effects of bliss had faded, Skylar was still ecstatic at the prospect of having Winston and Rio over for their first anime night at her new home. There was so much more space in this house and… even though it felt odd, not having Nic there, it was still nice in other regards. She had space to store all her Pop! Figures and plushes, Dundee was growing on her (kind of like a weed, mostly because he followed her everywhere), and when Nic was here, the house felt like a home. But, it had gotten a bit lonely without him here. Which is why she was happy to have Winston and Rio over! As she checked the fridge to make sure there were a few beers in there for Winston, Skylar saw Dundee skitter past her towards the door. That must be one of them-- shutting the fridge, she hurried to the door and gently nudged Dundee out of the way. “Hey Winston!” She said with a bright smile. “Of course, I’m really glad that we could do this. I’ve been wanting to have you over for a while, but things got busy…” She shrugged before looking behind them, curious. “Did you and Rio come separately?”

Orion had been so excited for their revamped anime night. Things had all finally been good and fixed. Skylar seemed to have forgiven Rio and the two were friends again . Rio and Winston were best of friends, a far jump from when they had first met each other the last anime night. It was like things had come full circle. But of course, Rio couldn’t handle something like that without screwing it up. Things hadn’t been the same since the End of the World party. Just as Rio had feared, the world did not end that night. So instead he woke up the next morning, hungover and terrified that his friendship with Winston had been ruined forever. Maybe worse than that, the two had decidedly not talked about as if the kiss (er-kisses) had never even happened. At this point, Rio was way too nervous about it to bring it up. Now, it was anime night. It really had been full circle, all the way back to Rio being the root of why their time tonight would be awkward. Of course, Rio and Winston came separately but practically arrived at the same time, so Rio shoved himself into the trees to avoid the weirdness of walking up to the door at the same time. He didn’t know how he would handle the alone time with them while they waited for Skylar to answer the door. So he sat, huddled in the woods until Winston and Skylar had disappeared into her ridiculously big and beautiful home and he was able to calm his nerves enough to complete the trek to the front door. He knocked against it, each one sending his stomachs into a fit of stress. “Oh uh, hey!” Rio plastered on a smile and gave a small wave when the door was answered.

Winston decided that they liked Nic’s place. They had thought that they had been lucky to land a place like what Ricky had. But this was something completely different. “Of course, things definitely got really hectic for a minute there but now that me and … Rio have helped solve everything we should be able to chill out a bit. At least I hope so.” Winston stepped into the giant home and looked around slightly awe struck. Maybe Winston would have to reconsider being a hunter as a profession, although they were not actually sure that was what Nic did. Honestly they hadn’t considered that arriving separately might be weird. Lying on the spot was never an attractive option for Winston when they knew they were so bad at it. “I uh - came from work, I guess Rio was at the house before coming over but I had to work later then I thought so I couldn’t get him, I mean I couldn’t bring him with me because I was at work and he wasn’t, he- Rio was at home.” The door rapped at the sound of someone knocking and Winston could’ve jumped for joy. “That must be him.” Thank fuck for that.

As Winston spoke, Skylar realized a bit belatedly that the volume on her hearing aids was too low-- she’d gotten used to not wearing them around the house without Nic here. She subtly tucked her hair behind her ear, rolling her thumbs against the dials of her hearing aids to boost the sound so she wasn’t having to rely on lip reading so much. If she’d been paying attention, she might have heard the pause in their words. As it was, it didn’t register. As Winston continued to speak, Skylar eyebrows knitted together in mild confusion. Was everything okay? But, before she could question them about their rambling answer, she heard a knock at the door. She turned to open the door, beaming as she opened the door. “Hey, Rio. Good timing, Winston just got here.” She said, signing as she spoke. “Come on in. Dundee, no.” She said as the dog attempted to make a break for the door, catching him with the edge of her foot. “Sorry. I hope you two don’t mind him.” Skylar apologized as she led them inside. “There’s some snacks and drinks in the fridge-- I bought some Mountain Dew for you,” She said with a grin at Rio. She was excited to be able to have just a fun night in together with the two other anime fans in town.

The last time that Orion had seen Skylar was probably when they researched Skylar’s lost voice, and he was super excited to get to see her again. It had been way too long, and despite the rocky start the two got off to, Rio considered her one of his closest friends. Winston too, if Rio could ever move past how awkward it was to leave Winston standing there alone on the dance floor. And to come out of the bathroom afterwards unable to find them anywhere. Rio was convinced that Winston was too drunk to remember the kiss even happened, which Rio desperately hoped was true. “No worries! I love Dundee!” Rio assured Skylar, bending down to attempt to pet the hyper little guy. “Uh hey Winston” Rio waves from afar, “Sorry I uh- had some running to do. At the place with books and stuff. So we couldn’t ride together.” Rio lied, changing subjects quickly after to clap at Skylar’s drink menu. “You’re the greatest thank you so much.” Maybe if he just chugged Mountain Dew all night he wouldn’t be able to talk at all and embarrass himself. “So what are we watching tonight?”

Winston was semi flustered by the arrival of Rio. He looked good. Maybe a bit tired. But then again when did either of them get enough sleep? It felt like they’d spent hundreds of hours working together, either in the library or researching a way to beat squidward. It had only been a few days of avoiding and Winston gave them a quick smile as they moved towards the dog. “Hey dude, glad you got here okay.” Honestly, they weren’t really paying as they also crouched down to scoop up the dog, only to gently knock their head against Orion’s sending their glasses skittering to the floor. “Oh, shit sorry I didn’t… see you.” Winston quickly grabbed their glasses and moved to the other side of the kitchen. “I actually don’t know what we’re watching, did you have a plan Skye or do we want to pick something?” Winston stuffed their mouth full of doritos to avoid speaking anymore. They felt like they’d already done too much to draw attention to themselves. Even if there were only three of them.

“And Dundee loves you too.” Skylar said with a smile as she made her way to the fridge. Neither she or Nic really cared for the little dog, so he was enjoying the attention of the others, “Do you want a beer?” Skylar asked Winston from the fridge as she pulled out a can of Mountain Dew for Rio, setting it on the counter for him. “I don’t normally drink it, but Nic has some that he likes, I’m sure he won’t mind you having one or two.” She nodded. He might have a scowly face and reputation for being the gruff alligator man, but he was honestly a really kind guy. Hearing the sound of clattering against wood flooring, Skylar looked over and was surprised to see Winston grabbing their glasses from the ground and hurrying off to the opposite side of the kitchen. Was something wrong? The house wasn’t too strange, was it? She’d been to Ricky and Winston’s home before, all those months ago and while Nic’s was different, she didn’t think it was too too different. A bit anxious, she held out a beer to Winston. “Um-- I had a couple ideas! There’s this one really cute show on Netflix called Cell’s at Work, I’ve got some Studio Ghibli movies, and Rio got me the director’s edition of A Silent Voice for my birthday, so we could also watch that.” She looked over at Rio with a nod, “Thank you again, I love this movie so much.”

Orion accepted the Mountain Dew from Skylar, still rubbing the spot on his head where it collided with Winston’s. Even with hunter speed, Rio couldn’t get to Winston’s glasses to pick them up for them before Winston had already snatched them and retreated to the opposite end of the kitchen. God, this was the worst. Rio really didn’t know if he could make it without Winston’s friendship now. Not only were they roommates, which meant things could only get more and more awkward if they were forced to live together. But Rio had spent so many nights hysterically laughing with them while fighting the exhaustion that came from their lack of sleep. Rio’s eyes widened at the offer of alcohol and actually breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it wasn’t being offered in his direction. Thank God. Rio should probably just not drink. Ever again. Just to be safe. “Oh those are all great options!” Rio grinned in spite of the awkwardness of the evening. He made a heart symbol with his hands and signed ‘You’re Welcome’ before pointing at Skylar. “I’ve heard Cell’s at Work is good but haven’t seen it yet. I could watch A Silent Voice anytime. But no promises that I won’t cry.” Plus, it gave him more opportunities to practice his signing, which he had gotten pretty good at. “What uh-what are you thinking Winston?” Why did his voice crack every time he said Winston’s name? Jesus, this wasn’t middle school. “I mean about what to watch. Not just like... randomly asking you broadly what you’re thinking about. Which I mean you could totally say. You can say anything. But uh- I was directly referring to what we should watch.” Rio facepalmed himself and tried playing it off as scratching at an itch. Could he get more awkward?

Glancing at the beer that Skylar was offering to them Winston was about to turn her down when they decided that they could actually probably do with one beer. Twelve year old Winston would be so disappointed that they were drinking to avoid their problems. “I can only do one, someone’s got to drive us home.” Winston wasn’t sure what was going on between them and Orion but there was no way that they would make Orion get home without Winston driving them. That was cruel and obvious that there was something wrong. Not that they were doing a very good job of hiding that. “Uh, no don’t worry .. Rio, I mean Orion, you, I …” Winston swallowed, “I understood that you were talking about anime.” God Winston wished they had doritos or popcorn or something that they could eat so that they had more time to think about what they were going to say before they said it. But they’d moved away from the snacks and walking to put food in your mouth was super obvious. Swallowing nervously, Winston nodded. “I like both suggestions, maybe the Netflix one if we’ve all seen Silent Voice before and then if we still want to keep going, then we can or you know if someone has a better suggestion then I’m fine with that. I’ve got Netflix at home so I guess I can watch Cell’s at Work whenever I want.” Winston had been inching towards the bowl of popcorn on the counter and quick handful of it went in their mouth. “Do you want me to carry anything through to … wherever we’re going to watch.”

Grabbing the packet of beef jerky she’d stashed in the pantry, Skylar popped a piece into her mouth and chewed as she listened to the two of them. There was something… a little weird about what was going on. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it seemed like there was some kind of tension? Had they been fighting? Oh no… She hadn’t made things awkward by insisting that they have the anime night? She didn’t want to make things worse for them if they were arguing. Swallowing, Skylar pulled the barn door that separated the kitchen from the living room, with its modern furnishings and large television. “Since none of us have seen Cell’s at Work, we can watch that one? And if we decide we don’t like it, we can keep our options open, okay?” She asked, her voice slightly higher than she meant it to come out. Though the bliss was still running in her veins, she could tell that it’s effects were fading just a bit more every day. The pain lingered at the edges of her mind and her old thoughts were resurfacing, even now. But, she pushed them away, focusing on her two friends instead. “Um, yes, if you want to bring the chips and the popcorn, that’d be great. Rio, can you help them?” She suggested as she began to fiddle with the remote control to the television.

“Cell’s at Work it is! I think this is a great idea. I haven’t started a new anime in forever.” Orion was desperate for some normalcy. Even if things were awkward, once the three started watching the show and got into it, some of that would return. How awkward could things be between Rio and Winston when they weren’t even speaking? Rio didn’t actually know the answer to that, but he was sure it would be less than it was in this kitchen right now. Skylar stepped into the other room to get the TV set up and asked Winston and Rio to grab the food. So the two of them were momentarily alone. Even though Skylar was just feet away, within eye sight of Rio turned his head, that open barn separating them felt like some line of defense being shattered. Rio’s face heated up immediately and he didn’t want to think about how visible the red on his face must be. He sulked over to the snacks, reaching for the popcorn bowl before realizing that Winston was doing the same thing. Rio froze mid-grab and did not move for what felt like a few minutes. He laughed nervously and redirected for the chips only to find that Winston had done the same thing. God, this was absolutely ridiculous. Finally, Rio swiped a few bag of chips and hurried into the room, hoping to gauge where Skylar would be sitting so he could use her as a buffer. He hated this. He hated being so weird around Winston and he hated using Skylar as a shield. It took the focus off of what fun the night was supposed to be. “Welp I’m all settled in and ready to start right now or uh- when everybody is ready.”

Swallowing back an awkward lump that had crept up their throat, Winston turned to grab the snacks and proceeded to take part in the most annoying dance that they had ever taken part in. Honestly. They went left and Rio went that way too, they went for the pop corn and Rio was there with his hands and then they went for the chips before giving up entirely and watching Rio scamper from the room as if he had done something wrong. They had been about to make a joke about Rio making up his mind but they hadn’t got the courage up to say anything before Rio dashed from the room and honestly at that moment Winston just wished that they could say something to reassure them but now really wasn’t the place and it definitely wasn’t the time. They would have to get through the awkward anime first and then maybe if Winston could build up the courage to address it he might say something. As they stood there in the kitchen alone for a moment, Winston grabbed the snacks and joined them in the living room. Settling into an armchair, Winston placed the bowl of popcorn on their lap and was pleased that this was a good way of avoiding having to obviously not sit next to Rio. “I am all good to get started,” Winston replied with a thumbs up, “I’ve been waiting to watch this for ages … so it should be good.”

Skylar curled up on one end of the couch with the bag of beef jerky, fully expecting Winston and Rio to join her on the very large cushions. But, when Winston sat on one of the adjacent armchair, she blinked before the oddness of the situation was pushed from her mind. It was nice, this was nice. Even if things were weird and Rio and Winston were fighting… No, she didn’t know that for sure. But, why else would they be acting like this? As the two gave her the greenlight, she nodded enthusiastically. “Sounds good to me! Let’s get started.” Skylar said and watched as a very cute anime girl in all red began to run across the screen, pushing a pallet loader full of sandwiches. As odd as the other two, Skylar couldn’t help but think back to the last anime night they’d had. She’d felt awful, she’d been chugging coffee the entire time and then when Rio had found her skin, it’d only made her feel worse. But right now? Both of them knew what she was and they were still here, sitting next to her. And she wasn’t in any pain, no measurable pain at least. It was nothing she couldn’t ignore. Instead, she focused on the adorable on-screen antics instead. “Aw, the platelets are adorable.” She remarked.

Orion was so relieved when they finally started the show. Even if the show was incredibly boring, Rio was willing to pretend that it was incredibly interesting and groundbreaking if it meant not having to fumble through a conversation where Winston and Rio talked to Skylar and purposely dodged any conversation that dealt with the both of them. Rio just wanted to sink into the couch and disappear from view. Rio just wanted to act normally. Which wasn’t easy to do right now. But it was obvious that Skylar could tell that there was... something going on between the two. And Rio couldn’t argue it. They had been acting like crazy people. “Yeah the art style is really good.” Rio agreed. He was trying so hard to stay completely focused on the show. But he kept finding his eyes roam over towards Winston and Skylar. He just wanted things to be okay. He found his glances lasting longer and long until eventually he was just staring over at Winston. Despite being drunk, Rio had memorized every single marking the group of painters had put on their body. Rio could still picture them, but Rio’s eyes were homed in on Winston’s lips. At least, until Winston must have realized that they were being stared at. Rio practically jumped out of his skin and stared at the screen again. “Wow this voice acting is really good too.”

It was hard to focus on the anime. With everything that they were planning on doing with Bea, with everything that had happened with them narrowly avoiding the end of the world, Winston had to admit that they weren’t really focussed on what was important. They were focussed on the way that Rio’s hair fell around his face. They were focussed on how beautiful his face was, on the way his chest rose and fell as he took breaths. Then they were aware that Rio was staring at them and they had to look away. They were hoping that Skylar wouldn’t have noticed that they were so preoccupied by everything. “This is my favourite thing about anime,” were they talking because they had something to say or just so that they didn’t look like they were being awkward…. “So many amazing ideas that are just imagined via animation, it is really amazing.”

“It’s like a cute version of Osmosis Jones.” Skylar remarked as she focused on the cartoon on screen. It was easier to watch this than try to muddle through whatever was happening with Winston and Rio, so that’s what she decided to do. It was just simpler this way and felt better than asking them what was wrong. Chewing on a piece of jerky, she nodded along with Winston and Rio’s comments. “Mhm! Yup, agreed on both of those. Like… who would have thought that anime could make learning about… red and white blood cells interesting?” She commented. As she spoke, Skylar ran her palms ambiently along the material of the couch. It was so soft. It felt really nice against her skin, fuzzy. Focusing on that feeling, still basking in the joy of being able to have a fun night like this, Skylar continued to watch the show.

It felt like the three were just talking about random, unimportant things just because they thought that they needed to be talking to each other. They had buzzwords. Basic, surface level things that they would have said to a stranger that was watching the same show. So why were the three of them, who were good friends and had been through so much together, talking about such shallow things? Obviously, Orion knew that he was the one to blame. He just wished he hadn’t been so stupid. “I uh- I heard that it’s actually pretty accurate too.” Rio interjected, happy to provide some sort of dialogue, “I mean of course it’s over dramatized and stuff. But I’ve heard the creator of the manga did a lot of prior research and had help to make it as medically accurate as possible.”

The tension in the air just felt wrong, Winston couldn’t help but hate it. Skylar and Rio, Winston had individually and collectively been through so much with both of them. They were some of their closest friends and because of their idiocy they had of course made things awkward. Forcing themselves to relax slightly, Winston chewed through a mouthful of popcorn before turning. “Hey, I know things have been kind of … well they’ve really sucked recently. For all three of us, but I’m really glad that we could do this again. There’s no one else that I would rather be with tonight then the two of you watching this. Which, is really awesome by the way, this was a really good choice.”

Skylar didn’t immediately pick up on Winston or Rio speaking, too caught up in the animated characters to register that they were saying things. “That’s really cool that they did that sort of research!” She nodded enthusiastically as she continued to watch. At Winston’s words, her smile only grew. It was really nice for them to do this. And she was really, really happy that they were here. There wasn’t much that could make this better, honestly. Maybe if Remmy was here, or Shiloh, or Ricky, or Morgan, or Nic, or any number of the other people in her life who were going through some rough times. But, this was still good. Rio and Winston were some of the best people she knew and it just felt nice to be around them again. “For sure! I’m glad that we could do this too, I’m really happy you both came.” She beamed. “And I’m glad you like the show.”

Hearing them, it almost made all the anxiety that Orion was feeling go away. Even if things were weird and sort of messy right now at least they all still cared for each other. That was the important thing, right? That they were all friends and got to do anime nights like this? Growing up, it was all Rio had ever really wanted. Friendship. Maybe Rio didn’t want to pretend the kiss never happened. Because he knew how he felt about Winston. But… things apparently weren’t meant to be like that. Rio had ruined everything or Winston didn’t feel the same way or… the specifics didn’t really matter. As long as he could try to forget and move on so things could go back to how they were a few weeks ago. “Me too. Uh- Ditto on all that. You’re both the best. I can’t believe that I actually have friends to watch anime with. It’s weird to think about but I’m really happy. Regardless of anything else going on.”

Frowning gently, Winston settled down and glanced in Rio and Skylar’s direction. Except for the first time in the evening their not so subtle glance had not been directed at Orion. But Skylar. They’d noticed that she had seemed a little bit out of sorts. When they’d been messaging the other night and even today, it wasn’t that she didn’t seem like Skylar, she just seemed so much more joyful then they had ever seen them. Which was absolutely not a bad thing, but it seemed a little odd. “I don’t get how someone came up with the idea of teaching us about Cells and how they work via the magic of anime.” Winston popped a kernel of pop corn in their mouth and crunched through it.

“It’s really, really nice.” Skylar agreed with Rio, bobbing her head emphatically. She’d never thought that she would meet people this nice, this good, or this fun to hang out with when she moved to White Crest. But, here she was, in a big giant house with an amazing roommate and wonderful friends, watching a cute new anime and just having fun. It felt good to have fun. Laughing at Winston’s comment, she nodded. “Right? Some people are just super creative. I never would have thought to do something like this at all.” She said with another nod.

Things seemed marginally less awkward now. Orion kept noticing his eyes drift over to Winston but overall, the show was good enough that it worked well to keep his attention focused. Thank god, considering how terrible things could have been if they had decided to do something other than quietly watch a show. Trying to imagine the awkwardness of a board game or just dinner with friends made Rio cringe. But the three just had a fairly normal conversation. Rio and Winston spoke in the same vicinity without being entirely awkward, and honestly this was this most enthusiastic Rio had ever seen Skylar. He didn’t put too much thought into it, figuring she had just been super excited to finally be watching this anime or to get the gang back together for a marginally less dramatic anime night 2.0. Either way, Rio was happy to see her seem so... happy. She hadn’t had the best of luck recently. With the vampire watermelon attack and losing her voice she had seemed so... out of it. And who knew what else had been going on that Rio hadn’t been around for. “I’m gonna grab another soda... anybody want anything while I’m in there?” Rio asked, hopping up from the couch and shaking his empty can. It was like a weird case of deja vu ran through him “And I’m totally just going to the kitchen. Nowhere else. I promise. No more weird stuff. You both know about me now. Um... so yeah. sorry again for ruining the first anime night.” And the second, but at least this one still had potential.

“I don’t know Skye,” Winston replied with a shrug, “I’m sure you’ve got your own creative outlet.” Everyone did. Different strings for different things and all that. Raising an eyebrow at Orion’s frankly forced confession, Winston did not really know what they could say in response. They were still sure that there was something different with Skylar. They couldn’t put a finger on it but Rio had done enough to distract Winston from that for now. “Are you sure? I think that Nic would love it if you went through his things.” Winston hoped that the joke would be well received. Honestly, awkward humour was a close follow on from Winston doing something awkward and they couldn’t help but burst out laughing a second later. “I’m good on the soda front though,” Winston flashed Rio a smile. It was things like that which worked for Winston. So genuine to apologise for something that had been left well in the past.

As the episode ended, Skylar focused on the closing animation. The music was a little high pitched and it rang a little too harsh in her ears, but it didn’t hurt her ears. Nothing hurt anymore. At Rio’s words, she offered an enthusiastic thumbs up in his direction. “Oh like when you went in my room and totally dug around and found my skin? You won’t wanna do that here, Nic’s got a lot of guns and stuff just kinda hiding all over the place. But, I’m all good here, I don’t need anything.” She said with a grin. Turning to look at Winston, she tilted her head. “Mhm, I don’t know about that. I mostly just do ASL and read.” She said with a blithe shrug.

Orion absolutely deserved any roasting that came his way from that night. He had clearly not been in his right mind when he decided to go through her things out of some misguided delusion that he was protecting her. Still, it was a bit off the way she phrased it. Rio didn’t mind, it was mostly meant as a joke and Skylar didn’t sound mad or anything. It just sounded very... different from how she had reacted to it in the past. “Yeah uh I’ve very strictly minded my own business since then. Scout’s honor.” He almost launched into the explanation that he had only been in the boys scout for a couple of weeks before quitting but it seemed excessive. Besides, Rio got distracted when Winston was laughing and smiling at him again. It felt like it had been a while since the two had gotten to laugh together. He really missed their laugh. Rio giggled along with Skylar and Winston, moving forward while keeping his eyes focused on the two of them. He misjudged his path, tripping into the table and just barely catching a lamp from tipping over. “Sorry! Sorry. My bad” Rio laughed again, correcting the lamp and waving his arms around as if probing his safety to the two. Finally, he disappeared into the kitchen to grab his drink.

Laughing gently at the roasting that Skylar had provided Rio, Winston found a grin slowly dancing across their lips. “You’re good dude,” Winston replied with the same grin, “oh shit, you okay?” Winston couldn’t help but giggle. How was it possible that Rio was somehow more clumsy then them? Winston wasn’t sure and they didn’t really care. It was cute and endearing as fuck. “ASL and reading is pretty cool either way, have you ever thought about writing?” they weren’t really going for anything, they were just curious. They were sure that Skylar had a few good stories to tell.

The sound of Winston and Rio laughing filtered in through the lingering lightness that filled Skylar’s head and she laughed alongside them. Her laughter only grew as she watched Rio stumble and nearly knock over a lamp. Leaning further into the cushy material of the couch, she continued to smile even after the small fit of giggles petered away. It was all just… so much better. Everything about this was better than how it had been. All thanks to Felix and the little vial tucked away in the desk of her room. “I don’t think I’d be any good at writing.” She said with a shake of her head, her choppy hair flowing around her shoulders. “I don’t think anyone would want to read anything I came up with anyways.” She said with an offhand shrug. At her words, Dundee hopped up on the couch between her and Winston and began to stare at her guest, his beady eyes unblinking.

After grabbing a second Mountain Dew, Orion stood in the kitchen for a bit longer, welcoming the moment to himself to collect his thoughts. This was okay. This was good, even. Things could go back to normal soon. Winston used magic, maybe they could whip up some spell to make both of them forget the kiss even happened. The only problem was that Rio really, really didn’t want to forget it. While staring at the countertop, Rio’s hearing picked up on the conversation in the other room. He finally popped the tab on the can open and took a drink before heading back in to join his friends. “I’d totally want to read anything you wrote.” Rio interjected, hoping that they did not take it as him intruding in their conversation. And redound his seat on the couch, taking notice of Dundee staring at Winston. Rio found himself staring at the dog, “Your dog is very strange.”

Raising an eyebrow gently as their laughter subsided, Winston glanced at Dundee and then at Skylar. Then Rio walked in and Winston had a brief moment of eye contact and then back to the dog who still had his beady little eyes fixated on Winston’s. Suddenly Winston could understand why maybe Skylar wasn’t a dog person. “Uh, did I do something wrong?” they asked as they shifted their feet from underneath them and tried to get Dundee to look at something else. “Why is your dog being so weird?” It was a little unnerving honestly and Winston wasn’t sure that they really knew how to make it stop.

“I don’t know, I just don’t think anyone would care about what I think!” Skylar said with a cheery shrug, her legs swinging over the edge of the couch as she spoke. As she did, she noticed that Dundee was still locking eyes with Winston. “Oh, he’s not my dog. He’s not really Nic’s dog either. He just came with the house.” Putting a hand on Dundee’s head, she gave the small dog an awkward pat on the head, her fingers unused to giving an animal physical affection. “I dunno, he just kinda does this sometimes.” She said before blinking as Dundee began to shiver for a moment, the fur on his back rippling strangely as the dog appeared to be vibrating with energy. All the while, his eyes remained trained on Winston. Before any of them could do anything, Dundee let out a sneeze, his face spinning in a whirlwind of fur.

Orion would happily read anything that Skylar wrote, but Skylar didn’t seem bothered by the discussion anyways. She was definitely acting differently, right? Rio would ask Winston about it afterwards… if the two were really talking right now at least. Instead, the conversation seemed to shift entirely over to their dog. Which apparently wasn’t really their dog at all. That was only a bit unnerving. “Oh. So like he was the previous owner’s? That’s strange, right? To leave their dog?” Rio was very confused right, his eyes still staring at the dog that was staring at Winston. Dundee broke the stare first, erupting into a sneeze way more intense for it’s tiny little body. Rio’s eyes widened as the dog’s entire body shook in the aftermath. After a long moment of staring, Rio found himself giggling until he was erupting into full blown hystericals. “Oh my god, what was that?” He tried asking midlaugh, wiping at tears that had escaped his eyes.

Giggling to themselves and their friends, Winston felt their sides ache gently from all the laughter that they had been indulged in. It was nice that despite everything that had happened between Rio and Winston, this was something that they could still share together. Honestly, if anything it made Winston feel kind of better about the whole situation. Like even if everything went the worst possible way that it could there was still some hope that they wouldn’t be awkward for the rest of their life. Winston exploded in another fit of laughter as Dundee sneezed. “That dog is officially the cutest thing that I have ever seen,” Winston said as they reached behind their lenses and brushed a stray tear of joy from their eyes, “was that a sneeze?”

With laughter ringing through the large, empty house, her friends beside her, Skylar joined in with the other two. Her shoulders shook with mirth as she looked at Dundee, who was now busily licking his paw. The strange energy she’d felt on him when she’d touched his head had vanished and he seemed to be back to normal-- or, whatever kind of normal passed for the strange little dog. “I think it was.” Skylar managed with a final chuckle, shaking her head. Everything about this moment, it was more than she had ever imagined would be possible for her. To be surrounded by friends, laughing, joking, just having a nice normal night in? She wished it could last forever.

#p: skylar #p: orion #para #wickedswriting #Weeb Night Two

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shelikesthosefunnypeople · 4 years ago

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Pls explain more abt the ancient history thing b I’m very interested

Hello anon!

I know this was sent in months ago and I should have replied to it then but I’m a master procrastinator and life has been strange (before coronavirus kicked off I was in the middle of preparing for exams). Anyway, I’m happy to answer this.

I made a post in the distant past, basically saying that I think there is a view that history before 1800 is somehow less intellectual and that this is rooted in sexism. That post is here. Allow me to explain and please bare in mind that this is all just my opinion and is based off my experiences.

Apologies for the length.

Firstly, I love history. I’m a complete geek for it. I think it’s important, interesting and with a bit of luck I’ll be studying it at university soon. Therefore, this isn’t a post where I try to claim that actually history before 1800 is superior... because that’s just dumb. History is history and while historians can have personal preferences over which period they find most interesting, that doesn’t make that period “better” than any others. Literally. I mean, everything leading up to the present day didn’t happen in isolated, distinct boxes and all of it is useful to understanding how modern society has developed.

It makes sense that there is a general interest in “modern history”. After all, it is interesting and we have more information about it thanks to technological developments. The 20th century was a time of massive change if you compare 1900 to 2000 - although, I’m sure it’s easy for us to see the difference, seeing as the 20th century wasn’t so long ago in the grand scheme of things and many people who are alive today lived through a part of it. I’m sure people living in the early part of any century probably thought (if they had access to history) that the start and end of the previous century were hugely different. Nevertheless, I agree that the 20th century is quite profound in this respect, at least at the moment. In 100 years, who knows?

The 19th century also offers us a lot more remnants than its predecessors and I think culturally is still viewed as important. Some people have a rose tinted view of the 19th century. In Britain, I’d say it is seen by those of a certain political persuasion (check out Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg) as a time of peak Britishness(TM) and nationalistic pride... although that narrative is simplistic and disregards the suffering of the colonies and indeed the working classes of Britain, who had to prop up all this “greatness”. Anyway, I’m sure if you found a stuffy 19th century bloke, he would tell you how his society’s morality has gone to complete shambles and that he yearns for a bygone era that only really exists in his mind. I guess that’s just what some people always do. Conservatives, eh?

I’ll actually get to the point now.

At my college, there were two history courses available: modern (involving subjects such as the Russian Revolution and Britain from about 1950-2007) and pre-modern (involving subjects such as the crusades and the English Reformation). I took the latter course and was in a class of 18, where there were 13 girls and 5 boys. Generally, the modern history classes were weighted in the opposite way, which simply suggests that at my particular college with my particular year group, boys had a preference for modern history and girls for pre-modern. I would argue that this preference appears to be more widespread in general, but that’s not definite.

The fact that this difference existed is not the problem. The problem is what people perceived this difference to mean.

I was told by a boy (not a nice boy, so not a representation of everyone) who was studying history that the course I was taking was “the gay version”. That, of course, is a puerile insult for 2020 and highlights his maturity level - all history is very, very gay and if you take issue with that then I don’t know what to tell you. Get your head out of your arse, maybe? But anyway... why did he feel superior about studying a different bit of history?

It wasn’t just him. A (male) teacher once told me that the history course I had chosen wasn’t as useful as the other one and that the only use it had was that I could apply transferable essay writing skills to my other subjects. Which was bollocks, might I add. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t a history teacher.

So, where were these views coming from? Why was the English Reformation - which was basically 16th century Brexit - seen as lesser than the Russian Revolution? The obvious argument one could make is that events that have happened more recently are more important and have more of an impact today. However, without the events of the years before them, would these events have happened either? Does the Church of England not still exist? Do we not have a statue of Richard the Lionheart in Westminster (because we like giving statues to tossers, apparently)?

In my opinion, the answer to this odd hierarchy of time periods lies in gender socialisation and the propensity of people to view history in the same way they view fiction. We know that the traditional male/female gender socialisation patterns are different: boys are socialised to be “tough”, “leaders”, “aggressive” etc. whilst girls are socialised to be “submissive”, “friendly”, “polite” etc. This is hopefully changing now but inbuilt, subconscious biases about the genders and what quantifies masculinity and femininity are still around. There is the stereotype of boys being interested in war due to the toys they were given to play with. Surprise, surprise - warfare in the 20th century alone was vastly different to anything that had come before it and, as I said, due to technology we have more archived about it. I’m not suggesting that only boys are interested in historical war - again, that’s a stereotype. Anyone can be interested in war, 20th century or otherwise. Despite this, I’m not going to pretend there still aren’t those guys who get waaaay into warfare and that their interest and knowledge in history is largely confined to that subject.

And that’s fine! You know, as long as you don’t start worshipping Hitler or anything equally creepy. People aren’t experts on every little bit of history and are allowed to have stereotypical interests.

Yet, that still doesn’t explain completely why “modern history” is viewed as more intellectual, just because maybe it appeals slightly more to men (apart from the obvious that anything men like is viewed as superior in some way).

As historical societies are notably different to our own - especially on the surface - and because there is so much historical fiction that seeks to romanticise it, it is not massively surprising that many people do see history as an extension to fiction. It’s gone, we live in the now, lots of people don’t even believe history matters. The fantasy genre has a habit of adopting historical (often medieval) settings for its tales. It’s an obvious example but Game of Thrones was a retelling of the Wars of the Roses, amongst other things. I think when fantasy is applied to history it makes it seem even less real than it may already and this can lead to it being taken less seriously (though please do watch Horrible Histories or Blackadder and take the piss out of all time periods because humans of every age have been fallible). Of course, it is far easier to romanticise and play around with times that are further from our own because they are further detached and therefore more fantastical. This plays into post-1800 being seen as more “real” and “intellectual”.

Some men who wish to keep women out of the historical circle accuse them of only being interested in history because of “romance” or “fancy dresses” - princesses and knights and fairytales. This is more a low down problem with internet trolls than actual, published historians but the issue still stands. If you view “pre-modern” history through this veil of fiction then it must seem rather childish compared to the stark brutality of the World Wars and the political rise of the New Right in the West. However, conversely, it could also be argued that the nationalism and legend attached to recent warfare makes it equally comparable to a story. Not a happy story but then, Game of Thrones isn’t a happy story either.

I don’t think anyone serious about history actually believes that the romantic, fantastical elements attached to any historical periods are 100% true. Hopefully, most people don’t see them as proof that being interested in a certain period makes you better than someone who is interested in another period. Any period can be romanticised, including the “modern” one - Titanic, anyone? Not to mention the frilly view we have of the Victorians (although that’s not silly because of the Britishness(TM), remember). Actually, using history in fiction and even making fiction about history isn’t even a bad thing and I certainly encourage it. I just think that the truth shouldn’t be conveniently forgotten by those with weird superiority complexes who think that because The Tudors was all about love trysts and fine clothing, the entire period is “girly” and a write off.

What am I saying amongst this rambling mess? The next time you see a girl going through her Ancient Egypt phase, don’t roll your eyes. Not if you wouldn’t do the same when you see a boy with an interest in WW2 tanks. Whichever way people come to their interest in the past is valid (apart from the creepy fascist worshipping I mentioned). A lot of things in our world are gendered when they shouldn’t be; history should be equally open to all and although there is a focus on the past 200 years (just look at the uni modules on offer), that doesn’t mean that if you are interested in the years before, your interest isn’t valid enough.

I hope I’ve managed to explain myself properly and have gotten through how gender plays into this sufficiently. I know this is a very niche thing to have an opinion on and I’d like to stress again that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree with me. That said, if you send me hate then don’t expect a proper response.

Thanks for the ask!

#history #modern history #sexism #little bit of #homophobia #random ramblings #ask #anon #sorry that got a bit long #watch me badly articulate thoughts

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valgusordo · 5 years ago

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Too much information: Character Interview

I saw this post on the wonderfully talented @saph-y‘s blog and thought to myself, “that looks fun, I want to try it!” What follows is the result of that endeavor, for my Wulfgard OC, Inquisitor Marcus Capulet. Saphy did his image which I use for my Tumblr avatar!

This one was commissioned from the co-creator of Wulfgard, though: the mighty @saber-scorpion! His art and @maverick-werewolf‘s writing have masterfully kept me interested in this fantasy universe for years, and it’s so much fun to RP in. Anyway, hope you enjoy this interview!

► Name ➔ Inquisitor Marcus Capulet. And yes, I have to say the title first every time.

► Are you single ➔ Not sure how relevant that is, but yes.

► Are you happy ➔ I...huh. I don’t think anyone’s asked me that lately. I suppose I am content, at the very least.

► Are you angry ➔ My, how swiftly the subject changes! Not at the moment, but know that my patience is not infinite.

► Are your parents still married ➔ They are, and still in good health, last I heard, thank you.

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ Veritshire, the Haven of the Crossroads, the tiniest jewel in the crown of the southern half of the Empire.

► Hair Color ➔ Black. “Jet” black, I’ve heard it called, though I haven’t yet learned where the term came from.

► Eye Color ➔ Brown. Almost muddy, as my partner, Kate, loves to torment me with.

► Birthday ➔

► Mood ➔ Amused and intrigued, really. Answering a plethora of questions instead of asking them is a...refreshing...change of pace.

► Gender ➔ Male.

► Summer or winter ➔ Winter, by far. Void iron armor may not heat as easily as regular steel, but it can still get stifling. Plus, snow is just fascinating, don’t you think? Never saw it before when I was growing up. Much more fun than sand.

► Morning or afternoon ➔ Afternoons, really. By that time I’ve usually gotten past the hustle and bustle of the morning and prepare for a quiet evening. Hopefully.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ I...was, once. I’d rather not discuss this further.

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Not really. Initial attraction can be strong, sure, as is raw, sinful lust, but from what I’ve learned over the years, love must be built. I don’t think it’s something you fall into.

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ If I am correctly inferring that you mean romantically, it was ended by a mage. Never learned the bastard’s name, but he murdered my lady love and nearly half of my town’s population along with her. But she was “out of my league,” as I’ve heard it said, anyway, and we were both too young and foolish to realize I didn’t deserve her. Since then, I’ve been married to my job, and she treats me well.

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ Not that I know of, and if I have, it certainly wasn’t intentional.

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ Afraid? No. Too busy? I’m afraid so.

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Uh...no. Are you offering? We only just met, it’d be highly irregular.

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ Most likely not. Anyone stalking me in the shadows usually has violent intent, not romantic. I’m good at spotting the former, but have never noticed the latter.

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ I’m not sure I understand the question, but I think not.

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ Love, hands down. If I had a denarius for every lust-centered, often demonic cult I’ve helped bring down, I’d be richer than some Barons. Maybe a couple insolvent Counts, too.

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ I don’t...what? Are those beverages of some kind?

*modern AU Marcus steps in* Allow me to assist you, good sir. The ingredients are foreign to your time and location, but go for the lemonade. It’s cold, sweet, tangy, and refreshing for hot days. Proper tea is consumed while hot. Good day to you. *exeunt stage right*

Oh, that was helpful. Thank you, myself in strange clothing.

► Cats or Dogs ➔ Dogs, by far. Much friendlier, more loyal, and also more useful. Some theorize that cats are drawn to magical sources, but I’ve never so much as gotten one of the bloody things to do more than hiss at me. I’ll take a tracking hound or fighting alaunt any day.

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ I do my fair share of traveling and make a great many acquaintances, but in my line of work having a few friends you can trust is worlds better than an army of potential spies and enemies.

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ The night in, definitely. More controlled, and safer, to boot. Heading out in small numbers and getting drunk is the best way to get one’s purse...or throat...cut in a dark alley.

► Day or night ➔ Night, I think. I need all the help I can get if I’m sneaking up on a suspect, and I do enjoy the quiet peace that comes with working by candlelight.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Only once, when I was younger, and it wasn’t even my idea! My brother was an apprentice with the guards, and told us about a prisoner who’d come from all the way north of the Coldstone Wall. Lady Victoria wanted to get a look at him, and convinced me, Lucille, and Felix to pretend we were all just bringing my brother some food during his watch. But when we walked toward the door to look through the bars, out shot the prisoner’s hand, aimed right at our throats! Poor Lucille screamed, and we had nowhere to run when the real guards came to investigate the commotion. They didn’t dare accost the daughter of the Baron, but the rest of us got quite a hiding when we returned home! Apologies for rambling, nostalgia and all that.

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ Does it count if I was pushed? Because there was that one incident with an uncooperative suspect in a rather large inn, and an undignified rolling and landing that I’d rather not talk about.

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Yes. Especially since it was too late for me to do anything about it.

► Wanted to disappear ➔ A few times. It would be especially handy with my occupation, or convenient in more...trying...times.

► Laughed uncontrollably about something ➔ While I’m usually good at maintaining my composure, there was this one incident where Kate and I went into a castle’s cellar to investigate some horrifying noises, only to find one of the servants and, presumably, his wife in flagrante delicto. We apologized...well, I apologized while Kate snickered, closed the door, concluded that no one, in fact, was being horribly murdered, and cackled all the way back.

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ An odd question, but eyes, I think. Much harder to hide how one feels up there, while smiles are easily faked.

► Shorter or Taller ➔ For me, or for someone else? I wouldn’t mind growing a few inches, but it’s not a huge concern for me with ladies I’m interested in.

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ I’d say intelligence. Even if we’re not attracted to each other, at least we can converse. It’s how I’ve built up my best friendships, really.

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ Hook...up? Is that some new slang the children are using? I lived by the desert, I know nothing of fishing. At any rate, I’d say Relationships. I’d rather build something meaningful than treat my love life like some bloody contest, like my friend Lorenzo does.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ My brothers and I had our fights as children, but the siege of our hometown brought us all together, and made us grow up fast, if we wanted to survive. I haven’t seen them or my parents in a long time, but we write to each other frequently, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Well, nothing legal, at any rate.

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ It certainly hasn’t gone the way I wanted it, or thought I would have to settle for, but once again, I am content. If my pain brings peace to others, I can hardly complain.

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ Only once, but it was less from home and more from memories that I could no longer face there. Magic, or “The Condition,” as my order calls it, took loved ones from all of us. I could have stayed to help rebuild, but thought I could do more good by joining the Inquisition, and I’d gladly make that choice again.

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Not physically, but I have been sternly told to leave by powerful figures who didn’t appreciate my presence or investigations.

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ Certainly not! What kind of friend would I be at that point? Though Kate does love to jump up and down on that line when she thinks she can get away with it.

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ Yes, I haven’t kept very many, after all. After tasting betrayal early in life, I’ve learned to be more discerning about such matters.

► Who is your best friend ➔ Choosing favorites is difficult, but Kate is the most qualified by far. She may be an utter sociopath with a violent streak two leagues wide, and a sense of humor and vocabulary that would make the filthiest of sailors blush, but she’s saved my life more times than I can count, and I can always depend on her for help or advice. Oftentimes without asking, too.

► Who knows everything about you ➔ My mother, without question. Kate may have worked with me for nigh twenty-odd years, but I haven’t told her everything about me. Meanwhile, my mother infers so much from just what I put on parchment that I’d almost swear she’s spying on me. Comes with the territory, I suppose.

Whew, that took some effort to write! Now, whom to inflict, um, I mean, share this with next....

Just kidding, I knew who I was going to tag as soon as I started. The talented writers known as @maverick-werewolf and @tafferfield, of course! They inspired me to keep writing my characters outside of just RPing, and I truly hope they both enjoy this exercise I stumbled across.

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mic-and-cheese · 6 years ago

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Please info dump about your husband...I wish to know more about him!

AAAAA OK I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET THIS FAR

Idk where to start so I’m just gonna ramble?? I guess??? Puttin it under a readmore bc it’s long as FUCK

I think one of the most interesting things about Buddy is his backstory? Like he used to love supers but now hates them because his idol rejected him? I’ve seen a lot of different interpretations of his past, and I apologize for starting off on this note but Buddy comes off to me as someone who was neglected as a child, so he has trouble with empathy, other social skills, and doesn’t really have a way to healthily deal with stress, which lead him to go down the path he did. I think he was born in a small southern town, but moved to Metroville and became enamored with superheroes because he’s now living somewhere where he can see and meet them personally. He views Mr. Incredible as a father figure because of a lack of a father or other male role model in his life and he probably feels like maybe his life would be better or that he’d be more loved if he had powers, and he’s been constantly told and lead to believe that he can’t be a hero without powers, so telling him that is a sore spot for him.He started messing with machines and learning how to fix them because his family didn’t have enough money to fix or replace things around the house when they broke and he found that he really had a passion for building and creating. Of course, he’s a really smart kid, he loves to read and loves math and science and did well in school, but some adults kinda thought he was a nightmare to be around cuz he’s a lil bit bratty and tries to get attention, but he got along well with teachers and other adults who recognized that he was talented and gave him the attention he needed. Buddy is really used to having to cause a lot of trouble to get what he wants or to be listened to, which is a trait he still kept into adulthood. His first real invention that wasn’t just him tinkering around with whatever he could find was his rocket boots, and he made them with spare parts he found or bought. He’s met Mr. Incredible a few times before, but he was hoping that being able to show off his talent would impress him enough to let him be his sidekick.Ever since he was young he’s always been an entrepreneur, making money by fixing stuff for neighbors and taking other odd jobs.Even after he was rejected he still loves superheroes, or at least the idea of them, even though he doesn’t really like them as people anymore but I’ll get to that later.The interesting thing about him really is just how much I can estimate about him just from what little info we know about him in canon, and how many ways there are to interpret him. I’ve seen him be interpreted as a kid who was spoiled and didn’t know how to deal with rejection, and while I can’t say I like that interpretation, but it is possible. Even though his backstory is interesting, his personality is just…??? Lovely??? I mean it’s really not but I think it is. He’s just??? so geeky and adorable and I love seeing him get so excited over superheroes even though he has a love-hate relationship with them, and he’s just fearless and probably a bit of a dare devil? He really seems like the sort of person who would try anything at least once and doesn’t get embarrassed easily. I mean it’s just so amazing how he’s an evil mastermind but like, he’s still Buddy ya know? Like he still has his excitable, nerdy, funny personality, but he can also be downright terrifying? It’s interesting from a character writing standpoint of course but like, just? On a personal level??? I mean his personality alone flusters me because everything about him (save for uh, the murder) is something I find obviously given the subject of the blog, really attractive. Like he’s not afraid to be himself or play around and he embraces self-insert esqe enjoyment so like??? How cool is it to have an f/o who may also have f/os or at least be supportive of self inserting!!Of course even though theres a lot about his personality that’s cute, there are a lot of things that aren’t, so he’s not really the best with empathy, and he can be pretty cruel, petty, selfish, and he has difficulty opening up to people but I do think that he’s open to learning and changing with someone he trusts, and can be really sweet when he wants to, even if it is a little awkward.One thing I really love about him is how you can tell that he’s got a life and interests outside of Kronos. Like yeah he’s really focused on his plan obviously, but his personality is just so strong in the things around him and the things he does and says that make him feel so much more dimensional. For example, a lot of his tech is integrated with or inspired by nature, so I really think he likes biomimicry, probably because he’s learning how to one up nature, aka basically what his entire motivation is. I love that he’s obviously just got cute little tics like how his eye twitches in the lego games or how much he likes to gesture and hum and whistle. (also his humming is so cute oh my god)And I’m just constantly in awe of how smart and resourceful he is. I mean my love of tropical islands aside, Nomanisan is just… impressive. Like its so ingenious to build his base literally into the island in a way that makes use of its natural features, such as the underwater landing pad, secret exits, underground passageways, and of course the lava wall, and I just can’t help but wonder how he came up with all of that and how long and how much money it took? And thats just taking about the things on the island that are canon. I mean, from my own speculations I figure that the island not only has that amazing lava wall, but is built to redirect the flow of lava to prevent any volcanic activity on the island, keep lava and ash away from expensive tech (the rocket and mantajet for example) and provide power to the island via geothermal energy. Maybe even a little use of wave energy too if necessary since it’s a pretty good option for a place surrounded by water. I assume Buddy chose the island for its resources, (namely a metal alloy that one of the books mentioned) considering he’s made it pretty self sustaining with what it already has after implementing all his tech. The location, being far from any other place, really, and outside of any governmental jurisdiction is good too, so when you really think about it, he probably could have gotten away with a lot of the things that he did, which is, uh, pretty impressive to say the least, not to mention the real world location of Nomanisan (Easter Island) doesn’t face the sorts of hurricanes and harsh weather you’d expect for a small island in the middle of no where.And I mean??? He’s a genius inventor villain who is still extremely in tune with nature to the point that it inspires some of his inventions??? How cool and unique is that??? I’m sure the island must be an amazing place to be, I mean the beaches and caves, rivers, waterfalls… it must be such a joy to explore. And I dunno, I’ve always imagined that working for Syndrome could be kinda fun sometimes. I mean, he is a pretty funny guy with a good sense or humor, and surely guarding and what not all day must get boring, so I’m sure he’s not opposed to having some fun every now and then.And he’s certainly not ashamed of what he considers fun either! I have a feeling he’d like scale models and collectibles and would go to the ends of the earth for a rare one that he particularly likes, especially if they’re ones he gets to build himself. I’m sure he’s a huge fandom geek as well, like name any 50’s-60’s sci fi movie and he knows it by heart. And with all his animal inspired inventions, I’m sure he loves going out in nature and watching the unique wildlife of Nomanisan. Given Easter Island’s own wildlife, I’m sure sharks and whales, and even some really interesting lizards would be pretty common around there. (And given how much forest it has in comparison to Easter Island, I’m sure there’s A LOT more than that. Maybe even rare species only native to the island.) I also really see Buddy as the sort of guy who just loves new and exciting experiences, no matter what it is. Like if it’s something he’s never done before, he’s on board!With all that in mind it’s just so wonderful just how much of a well rounded character he is. I mean he’s happy, nerdy, childish, and excitable, but he’s also bitter, revenge driven, and unempathetic. That being said, his relationships with other people all have such an interesting dynamic to them. He adores Bob for his ingenuity while still hating him enough to try to kill him and his family, and he cares for Mirage but doesn’t really know how to show it. Like I said earlier, I think he was neglected as a kid, so he never really learned how to properly regulate his emotions, so a lot of the time he’s pretty conflicted. He’s an extrovert who wants to be loved and adored, yet he’s too scared to trust after being betrayed. He has a hard time relating to people and thus doesn’t understand how his actions can hurt them when he means well, for example, betting Mirage’s life or saving people from his own robot without proper regard to his surroundings that a truly well meaning hero would have (aka, throwing a tanker truck just to make a spectacle out of saving a mother and child with no regard to what damage the truck could have done).Of course, while his scenes with Mirage can be interpreted as him not really caring for her, I think it’s the opposite. I think he knew that betting her life was the only way he could have saved her (he couldn’t have pulled her away from Bob, shocking Bob could have shocked her, and if he had shown any weakness for her, Bob could have used that as leverage against him, whereas if he shows no remorse, if Bob had killed her he’d just have a dead lady on his hands for pretty much no reason). Granted as well meaning as he was, I don’t think he understands how that hurt Mirage. He sees that he saved her, and doesn’t expect her to be mad about it, but the reality is that she honestly does have a right to be mad about her life being risked, especially when he never clearly communicated that his intent was to save her.Somehow I’ve gone this far without even talking about why I like him??? I mean I don’t even think I’ve ever fully explained why I like him. I’ve tried, sure, but I don’t even think it’s something I can actually convey in words? But I’ll try??? Anyway, he’s literally everything to me, and I don’t just mean that in a sappy romantic way. I’ve always been fascinated with him since I was 6 years old and saw the movie for the first time. He reminds me of happy memories with my dad who passed away some years ago because I saw the movie with him and I remember how much it confused little 6 year old me. Like the fact that the movie started with interviews was the wildest thing to me, and I don’t even think I could even comprehend the plot until much later on. But during that first experience, I don’t know what it was but something about him always stuck with me. Funnily enough one of the things that stuck with me was his joke from Jack Jack Attack and that was the first joke that I knew I didn’t understand but knew I would someday and I literally made a mental note back then telling myself that I knew I’d understand it, and well, thanks for remembering that 6 year old me, because I get the joke now and it’s still funny to me. (I also never actually realized that the guy silhouetted in front of the lava was supposed to be Syndrome until like last summer and I always just thought that was something that was never explained haha.) Anyway after seeing the movie with my dad, he asked me who my favorite character was. I said Violet since I thought saying otherwise would have been weird at the time, but in reality it’s always been Syndrome and that’s just an important memory to me.And now he’s that memory and so many other things to me. He’s what finally helped me recover from a rough couple of years by showing me that people could still create wonderful and impressive things despite being cast away by someone that they once adored and that my success wasn’t based on their approval, which finally helped me shut them out of my life and become so much happier. He helps me manage my anxiety because all the things that make me scared would be nothing to the guy who still wore a cape and rocket boots even after they nearly got him killed. And of course, I love him because he’s nerdy, excitable, brave, and smart, and even because I feel like I can understand his lack of empathy. He’s just such a well rounded, multifaceted character that it’s almost hard to believe he’s fictional haha. With all that combined, he’s one of my my special interests too! I mean it’s hard not to want to know everything about such an interesting guy right?But even if you can’t see the appeal in his personality, it’s no question that he’s just amazing in terms of his accomplishments alone. I mean he can’t be any older than like, 28 max (I consider him 25 though, since the closest we ever get to a canon age is mid 20’s) and yet he’s a billionaire with his own private island, at least one successful company, and groundbreaking tech that makes today’s tech look simple, but he did all in the EARLY SIXTIES.The mantajet in particular is just awe inspiring to me, mostly because I love planes, but I mean, most planes take 15 years just to be conceptualized. Buddy created a completely automated, uniquely shaped, supersonic, semi-aquatic jet with the ability to hover in under that time. It’s like if the SR-71 Blackbird were a luxury all-terrain vehicle! And I am just so endlessly impressed that it can go underwater, like I’m sure its entire design was based around that ability, since the engines would have to be strong enough to withstand literal tons of water going through them, which is why I suspect they’re placed in those cavities above the wings, to direct air and water to go through them in the right way while also keeping them intact in the impact! (they may be waterproof but they are unfortunately not (or maybe fortunately, depending on how you look at it) uh,,,, Syndrome proof) And the “manta feelers” probably help the plane hover and also serve as the landing gear??? UGH IT’S GENIUS, SUCH RESOURCEFUL GENIUS.Of course I’ve gotta talk about the design of his aero boots too!! He’s come such a long way since the rocket boots!!! I’m so proud of him!!! The new boots are just as genius as the mantajet, really. They have vents in the sole, probably to either keep them from overheating or to draw in oxygen to use for combustion. I love how the metal strip is implemented into the heel and up the back of the boots, that’s probably where the fuel and engines are housed, and man, I can’t imagine how much power they’d both have to generate, those tiny little engines. I’m sure they run on some pretty efficient stuff. And how the soles of the boots look like they can come off of the main boot itself, I’m sure that makes for easy maintenance! I also love how the animators added the detail of the screw in the arch of the boot so that it articulates properly, rather than just saying “yeah whatever he can walk fine somehow with these half-metal boots.”And then there’s Zero Point Energy??? I mean, ZPE is actually based off a real scientific concept that would essentially harness infinite energy. I think about this on the daily and I still can’t comprehend it. He harnessed infinite energy. In the 60’s. And made a device small and powerful enough to literally generate it in the palm of his hand. Since all of that energy is generated in his gauntlets, it’d have to pass through his hands to reach his fingertips, so not only can he generate it, but he created a suit that can conduct infinite energy around him so that it doesn’t hurt him. Like no wonder he’s so protective of ZPE. (On that note, this is exactly why I think he designed his suit and not Edna or Galbaki. He’d never trust anyone else to design a suit with his most valuable tech built into it)Not to mention, how interesting is it that a ruthless serial killer villain like him chooses a technology that doesn’t harm his target and instead just freezes them in place!Also also can I talk about just how amazing the other features of the gauntlets are? I mean they hold a small bomb that can produce a big enough blast to in theory kill the nearly invincible Mr. Incredible. He’s got a laser powerful enough to make a clean hole through the roof of a house, and those gauntlets can take a hell of a beating too, considering it was thrown all over the city during the final Omnidroid fight with minimal damage. Oh also the little sliding cover over the buttons is cute.Ok ok, next there’s the energy prisons. I assume they work on ZPE since they’re able to suspend victims in mid-air? I literally shouldn’t be so excited about this thing but I can’t even get over how ingeniously HORRIBLE they are. I mean I don’t want to get into any details, cuz if I do I’ll go into scarily gruesome territory but those things are terrifying. They work with almost any sort of super he could possibly be keeping prisoner with such a pretty simple idea really, just by suspending them against their own weight. The only fault in them really is that Violet can get through them, but he may not have necessarily known that beforehand since I doubt he had any force fields to test them on (or at least any “organic” ones).Implementing the monorail system is such a perfect idea too!! It makes it easy to get around, keeps guards from getting lost, works on all terrain, and keeps supers from seeing things they don’t need to see, so long as they stay on the tracks they’re supposed to be on.And speaking of hiding, while not technically tech related, I don’t know if he knows about the KRONOS carved in the cave, but I bet you he does know about that cave and all the other hard to reach areas of the island, since there’s an I2 deleted scene that shows he knows how Gazerbeam died, and the guards know to split up to catch Dash in one of the caves. Also related to Kronos, I like to make fun of his computer room for it’s impractical at best, dangerous at worse design, but listen. The security system. It’s brilliant. He’d have to engineer some sort of substance that stays compact and non-sticky while not in use, but that can quickly expand and maintain its strength to capture intruders. And the victim would still have to be able to breathe through them too?? And like how do they come off?? I’m sure that’s an interesting process too. The “fire randomly” approach is also interesting, since it pretty much leaves no escape. And what about under the walkway??? Like what’s way down there??? I don’t even have a theory for that, really. And and and how does the security system for that room work? Does it recognize unfamiliar noises perhaps, since it was triggered by Bob’s suit tracker, cuz if it were triggered by just random noise, I’m sure Syndrome or Mirage would have accidentally triggered it before. Oh, also also also x3 the computer screen automatically shuts off once the security system is activated, which is a nice touch, so that the enemy can’t get any more info as soon as the system is notified. Having only one way in and out of the room is clever too.I JUST WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT NOMANISAN’S SECURITY PROTOCAL OKI wish we had seen more of the technology that he used for Mirage’s message too. Like, he obviously uses the voice matching and scanning technology on the island (the security bird and life probe) but what about that illusion effect on the tablet?Also I mean, I’m sure being an arms dealer during the Cold War in itself has got to be extremely lucrative, but that doesn’t even account for how high tech his other weapons that weren’t mentioned must be.Ok, ok I think that covers all of his other inventions. I haven’t talked about the Omnidroid yet because hooo boy do I have some things to say about that beautifully terrifying piece of tech. I love that he used an iterative process on it to build upon its design (also the idea that he respects the strength his self-proclaimed nemesis enough to build up the robot to prepare to fight him), and I’ve actually gone back and tried to figure out the reason behind the changes he made in each iteration. And listen. How long do you think it took him to build and test all those robots? A few years maybe? Nah son, using the movie’s timeline, I’ve calculated that if he were working at a consistent pace throughout the project, it’d take FOUR MONTHS. 10 highly advanced ai robots. Fully drafted, programmed, built, and tested in 4 months. Oh and did I mention HE CREATED AI. LIKE ACTUAL AI.And his control over the Omnidroid (at least Omnidroid 9 anyway) is brilliant too. He’s got perfect control over it, and the reason I bring that up is because Omnidroid 10 tried to kill him. I’ve spent a long time wondering why he had perfect control over 9 but 10 disobeyed him, and my conclusion is that he implemented some new code in 10 that would make it act more destructively, thus making it more difficult to control but he never actually expected it not to listen to him because he didn’t actually test it on the island since, uh, having a 10 story tall rampaging robot on the loose near your base isn’t a good idea. I also headcanon that 10 was built to self destruct when defeated so that no one could trace its origins back to Syndrome had he won and been considered a hero.With that long ass section out of the way I’d finally like to bring up that if Syndrome did indeed create all of these inventions, that’d made him a computer programmer, aerospace engineer, possibly a civil engineer, a chemist, the inventor of harnessing infinite energy and ai, and thats only what I can think of off the top of my head.Another one of my favorite things about Buddy is that I love how easy it is to imagine him as a way more fleshed out character than he really is. On multiple occasions I’ve heard other people say that he seems like someone who would love conventions, or probably be an internet troll, and other things of that nature that relate more to his interests and personal life. I mean sure, anyone can headcanon anything for any character, but the way people headcanon Buddy just feels very… natural? Very fitting? Like, he’s a character that’s very easy to imagine having a life and hobbies outside of his evil schemes.Another little interesting thing is how he’s pretty much his own downfall. I mean sure a lot of his losses can be attributed to the Parrs defeating him in some way, but his most glaring faults are usually things that he could have prevented had he acted a little differently or planned a little differently. I dunno I just think that’s interesting for no particular reason.And one more thing I haven’t really discussed/seen discussed as much as I really think it should because it’s an interesting part of his character is does he see himself as a hero or a villain? And There are some interesting interpretations to that question as well. For example, if he views himself as a hero it’s probably because he doesn’t believe that superheroes are actually good people at heart, and that they just put up a facade of being kind and helpful to the public, which he uses to justify his atrocities. Or perhaps he legitimately does see himself as a hero for wanting to give normal people the opportunity to be super, or maybe he thinks that he’s doing a service to the world by killing off the people who are simply putting up that facade of good, or perhaps he sees himself as a victim deserving of a “redemption.” And if he sees himself as a villain, maybe he doesn’t understand or want to acknowledge the full weight of his actions, because it’s all a game to him, or maybe he does see himself as a bad person beyond redemption, so he decided that being a supervillain was fated or required of him. Regardless of which idea he believes, it’s obvious that Syndrome very much so lives (and has always lived) in his own fantasy world where things do play out exactly like how comic books do, and that his actions have no real weight to him (except when he feels like he’s been wronged, because he views himself as the protagonist or antagonist of the “story” aka making his own emotions relevant “plot points,” even if no one elses’ emotions (except maybe Bob’s) have any importance to him) because it’s all a comic book in his mind.Anyway there’s my nonsense rant

#oops #Anonymous #ask

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kanekikenunot · 6 years ago

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A Rainy Day

Summary: Touka helped him more times then he could count and it was time for him to return the favor.

Pairings: Touken

Words: 2023words

Rating: T

AN: HAHA I MADE IT JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLY DAY THAT IS CHAPTER 125′S ANNIVERSARY. This is a short fluffy fic about my favorite Touken art that Ishida Sui drew over a year ago which you can see here

Read on AO3

Kaneki was tired when his shift ended, maybe it was the rain that had started in the past hour, or maybe it was because of the nightmares that kept him awake most nights. Since Kaneki had become a ghoul he suffered from nightmares of himself becoming a sadistic killer, and him being sadistically killed by an ever-changing cast of ghouls. Those nightmares made falling asleep daunting and staying asleep impossible, leaving him in a constant state of exhaustion. That fact made him feel silly and naive at the fact he looked so forward to collapsing in his bed when it most likely wouldn’t amount into the sleep he so desperately needed.

Kaneki watched the rain fall down the window from his seat at an empty booth, dreading the fact that he didn’t think to bring an umbrella with him. He could wait the hours that it would take for it to stop, or he could just bear it and get soaked on his trek home. Both options had there pluses and minuses, on one hand, he would stay dry but he also wouldn’t be able to go to bed for hours, or he gets soaked and uncomfortable but gets to be in his bed quicker.

“ You know we have a closet in the break room filled with spare umbrellas.” Koma-san eventually called out to him from his spot at the counter breaking Kaneki’s train of thought.

“ I honestly forgot,” Kaneki admitted sheepishly pushing his hair back from his forehead in embarrassment.

Kaneki slides out of the booth and made his way up the stairs carefully opening the door to not disturb Touka who was already on her break in the breakroom. Kaneki immediately regretted opening the door when Touka’s eyes met his immediately.

“I’m sorry for bothering you Touka-chan, I just need to borrow an umbrella.” Kaneki apologized standing completely still at the door.

“ You’re fine idiot, you don’t have to make a scene of it,” Touka mumbled pointing to the closet. Touka stopped acknowledging him not a moment after going right back to reading the book in her lap.

Kaneki was actually shocked that she was reading after she made her disinterest in the subject known. He found himself getting completely distracted from his initial goal to just trying to understand the picture before him. She was reading like she was in pain, her face scrunched up and the occasional sigh escaping her lips as she reached for what he assumed to be a dictionary.

“What are you reading?” he asked surprised that the question

“It’s just a stupid short story for school.” she half answered not taking her eyes off the book kinda waving him off. Kaneki rolled her eyes at her answer not letting her nonanswer bother him too much. Kaneki just from his short observation could tell that she was really struggling with whatever short story she was reading.

“Touka-chan do you need help. I don’t mind staying around if you need it?” Kaneki asked her gently trying not to intrude but also let her know he was there for her.

Touka’s face flushed at his offer, and it seemed to strike something within her because her body language immediately turned harsh. Kaneki felt in that instant that he made a small error in his decision to offer her his help. Kaneki immediately felt his body jump back nervously at the sudden change in the air. Touka took a deep breath and squeezed the book in hands before she looked up at him.

“Does it look like I need your help? She glared up at him her harsh voice striking Kaneki. A part of him wanted to spite her himself getting cranky from lack of sleep, it was obvious that she was struggling. But, he also didn’t want to make Touka anymore upset than he already did.

“No it doesn’t, you know me I just like books.” he smiled at her, trying his best to de-escalate the situation as he reached up to rub his chin. His words seemed to work as Touka visibly softened biting her lip as she went back to her reading. Kaneki quietly went to the closet trying his best not to disturb Touka anymore than he already did. Kaneki grabbed one of the umbrellas and shut the door, and he started to take off his tie to put away when Touka sighed again. Kaneki out of a curious habit turned around and looked at her. Touka held her face in her hands and looked the most vulnerable Kaneki had ever seen her

“ I have a quiz on this story tomorrow,” she admitted quietly slightly muffled by her hands. “ And I can’t read half the Kanji so I have to keep stopping and it’s so frustrating.”

Kaneki paused for a moment not shocked by her confession but shocked that she actually admitted to it. Touka sound so defeated and it was such an odd sight to him because she was always so strong to him. He didn’t want to ask if she needed help again, so he timidly walked over to the sofa Touka moving over slightly to make room for him.

“Can you tell me what this says?” she asked pointing to a group of Kanji on the page she was reading.

“Oh that's exuberant it’s another word for happy,” he told her without hesitation as he wrote the hiragana above the Kanji for her lightly in pencil.

“How can you tell?” Touka asked confused.

“Oh, whenever these two Kanji are together they make up the reading for exuberant,” he informed her with a small smile. “ It could mean something else but in context, he’s very happy to see her so it can’t really be anything else,” he added thinking over her question for a moment.

Touka just nodded her head at that and continued to read a few more words before she made a loud sigh lifting the book to him, her finger pointing to the kanji she needed help with.

“ That's cloudburst, and its exactly what's taking place outside,” he said pointing at the window.

Kaneki just sat beside her feeling his body relax into the close contact answering any questions that came up during her reading. Eventually, though she seemed to refill her frustration meter and pushed the book away from her.

“ God I’m so stupid, this should not be this hard.” she groaned out eventually shocking Kaneki out of his sleepy state.

“ You know you aren’t stupid Touka, for not knowing how to read some of these Kanji,” Kaneki tried to calm her down. His words made her freeze and chew at her thumbnail, as she turned to look at him with disbelief

“Yes I am, it's why I’m barely passing Japanese Literature when everyone else in my class brags about how easy it is.” She told him with a huff, looking downcast.

“ You’re not dumb Touka-chan.” his voice rising more than he was used to causing Touka to jump a little bit in shock.“ You’re not dumb.” he voiced again a more firmly.

“There is a huge difference between being stupid and being behind. Stupid would be you not trying anything to get better, being behind is missing the building blocks in a subject. Touka-chan you haven’t been in school your whole life until now. You work hard to look at how much you taught yourself, you aren't struggling with any other subject.” He told her passionately.

“Kaneki..” Touka mumbled out her face turning red.

“You can do things that I can’t like give back the correct change without looking at the cash register,” he admitted sheepishly.

“Literature is a lot of memorizing words and that takes time, time you haven’t had you will get better and I don’t mind helping you get there.” he gave her a giant smile

Touka gave him a weird look as she continued to bite her nails like she was still absorbing his rambling. She just kept staring at him and Kaneki felt himself start to blush at the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

“ Thank you,” she told him averting her gaze. “ But you don’t have to be so sappy about it, jeez,” she told him with a small smile, which calmed Kaneki’s beating heart.

“Can we get back to work now?” she asked grabbing her book placing it between both of their laps. Kaneki nodded at her and pressed his back against the sofa again leaning slightly on Touka to stare at the words on the page. They sat like that for hours after Yoshimura told Touka the cafe wasn’t busy enough for her to stay. They didn’t really talk besides Touka’s occasional questions and his answers. Kaneki found it intensely relaxing and he found himself started to slip in and out of sleep until he finally stopped waking up.

“ Hey, Kaneki what does he mean by this?” Touka questioned not looking up at Kaneki until he didn’t answer her like normal. Touka turned her head and saw that he was fast asleep. Normally she would have been annoyed and would have woken Kaneki just to tease him. But, he looked peaceful, and in all honesty, she would feel like an asshole after all that he had done for her. She wasn’t ignorant enough to not notice the dark circles under his eyes since he’s worked at Anteiku. As much as his ghouls are monsters attitude bothered her he had gotten better, and this change must have still been hard on him. If she was completely honest though he has been making her feel soft lately. She enjoyed their time together even if it was apparently gonna stem to sleeping around each other.

“If you’re gonna take a break I might as well join you,” she whispered to the sleeping man. Touka placed the book as carefully as she could on the coffee table careful not to disturb him as he had started to lean on her in his slumber. Touka then leaned back into Kaneki herself and closed her eyes quickly falling asleep to the rain and Kaneki’s light snoring.

Both of them didn’t stir when Nishiki entered the breakroom for his break, nor did they wake when he started to laugh and take pictures of the two of them. They would only wake when Yoshimura lightly shook them awake when Anteiku was closed, so they can finally go home. By then the rain had long vanished, and the umbrella Kaneki had come for stayed on the floor.

“Hey, Kaneki can you help me again?” Touka asked as they headed out of the cafe together

“Of course Touka-chan.” Kaneki didn’t even hesitate to answer. “ Would next weekend work for you?”

“Gonna make me spend my day off with you?” Touka teased crossing her arms.

“Well we can do the most work then, and I feel like it would be better if we had no distractions so you can really absorb what we go over.” Kaneki started to ramble.

“ I’m only kidding next weekend sounds great.” she laughed waving at him as she left the cafe in front of him.

That weekend never came for the two of them, because a few days later her brother broke the same window that slept in front of and he was taken why all she could do was lay on the floor. She never got to show him the 90 that she got on the quiz, and she never got a higher grade on a quiz after. Kaneki never got to return to Anteiku, first by choice and second by Anteiku burning to the ground. The only proof of their time together became the picture Nishiki originally took as a source of blackmail. It was a sweet and embarrassing photo of the two of them fast asleep on each other took of them on that couch. Years ago Touka would have gotten mad and cursed Nishiki out for it, but now it was a somber reminder of what could have been. As well as a promise of faith for his return that was answered by a pudding haired man with a blinding smile.

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul:re #toukenweek #touken #touka #kaneki #my fic

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wingardium-letmefuckyou · 6 years ago

Text

Agate (part 8)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: When you were kidnapped and experimented on you never thought you would see the daylight again. But your family refuses to give you up. When you later find yourself safe but with unstable powers you find comfort in someone not so unlike you. He refuses to give up on you either.

Words: 2101

Warnings: None

A/N: If anybody wants to be on the taglist, just send me a message!

Masterlist

Metaphysically, Agate has a lower intensity and vibrates to a slower frequency than other stones, but is highly regarded as a stabilizing and strengthening influence. [Simmons, 6] The layered bands of microscopic quartz in Agate may appear delicate, they are actually very strong. Agate is excellent for balancing emotional, physical and intellectual energy, and in harmonizing the positive and negative forces of the universe. [Hall, 39]

Agate promotes inner stability, composure, and maturity. Its warm, protective properties encourage security and self-confidence

(Source: https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/agate)

The first thing you notice when waking up is the warm sunshine on your face, filtering into the room through the window. You’re wrapped up like a burrito, all snug in your soft blanket. It’s the first actual decent sleep you’ve had in weeks. It feels like something is missing though, there is an emptiness that differs from when you fell asleep. Your mind is still a bit foggy and you can’t really pinpoint exactly what is missing. You roll over, quickly regretting the swift movement as your muscles ache in protest. You groan, last nights events coming back at you, engulfing you with a dreadful feeling. The spot next to you has clearly been slept upon, it still feels warm. Bucky! You remember now, you are in Bucky’s bed. You sit up, scanning the room for his presence but he’s not there. There is a sinking feeling in your stomach. Of course he ain’t there. You can recall everything clearly now from your pathetic sobbing in his chest to the clingy way you held onto him while falling asleep. You can’t blame him for getting away. Your mind is frantically searching for a way to not make things more awkward than they already are. You consider sneaking away and pretending this never happened but you never get the chance to put your plan in action. The bathroom door opens and there is Bucky, dressed in fresh clothes and with his hair pulled up in that ridiculously good looking bun.

“Y/N,” he smiles and he advances towards you, sitting at the edge of the bed. Bucky looks perfectly at ease with your presence, no trace of the expected awkwardness to be found. You try to get from under the blankets, wincing at the painful sensation in your muscles. “Are you alright?” Bucky asks, immediately worried about your well being. His eyes are full of concern, his hands not sure what to do. “Just sore. I think it’s the after effect of using my powers last night.” You wince again when you recall the damage you inflicted on your room. “Maybe we should skip our morning run,” Bucky smiles again, his face still isn’t showing any trace of discomfort or annoyance at you being in his bed. He just looks his kind and gentle self. You still feel guilty for being in his bed and you start apologizing. “Listen Buck, I’m really sorry about last night. I clearly overstepped your hospitality and I didn’t mean to stay here all night and take up space in…” You keep on rambling until Bucky raises a hand and cuts you off with one very unexpected question. “Did you sleep well?” “W-what?” you splutter, utterly confused now. Of course you slept well, like a baby but you fail to see how that is relevant. He just repeats the question and you nod, not knowing where the conversation is going. “So did I. So cut the crap and stop apologizing. I didn’t mind you being here and you most definitely do not take up space.” Bucky’s gaze is intense and sincere, you feel like he wants to say more but you don’t pressure him. You feel like a weight is lifted from your chest, you’re relieved to know that he doesn’t mind you being here. “Thank you,” you whisper, staring at your fingernails. He softly nudges your foot, saying the magic words to get your attention: “You up for some breakfast?” You nod again, grateful that he’s changing the subject. And you’re also starving. “Can I borrow a sweater?” you ask, gesturing at your pajamas. You don’t feel quite ready to enter your own room again in search of some clothing. “Nice jammies though,” Bucky smirks, looking at the Captain America shield on your shirt. You’re glad he’s ignoring the tiny shield on your pants. “Shuri picked them,” you explain, the first smile of that day breaking through on your face. “Why am I not surprised,” he laughs, the sound like music to your ears. Bucky rummages through his closet, handing you a big, black sweater for you to put on. He would never admit it out loud but he loves seeing you in his sweater. You love wearing it too. It smells exactly like him, the scent bringing back images of you burying your face in the crook of his neck. You hadn’t meant to actually sniff him but with every breath you took you had gotten a taste of his scent. You can’t really find words to describe it. It’s not like in those stories you liked to read where people smell like recognizable scents.He doesn’t smell of wood and whiskey and things that make your head swoon. It is just him, with a small hint of soap. You do love it though, it smells like home, making you feel secure and comfortable. You are startled out of your musings, having walked to the kitchen absent mindedly, by Shuri who’s sitting at the island. She’s eyeing the sweater suspiciously, you just roll your eyes at her while you’re facial expression clearly says that it is not what it looks like. You head straight for the coffee machine, craving the black liquid. Shuri clears her throat. “I passed by your room earlier, Y/N…” There is no judgement in her voice, only curiosity. “I had a nightmare,” you answer, not sure how to further explain what happened. You envelop the cup of steaming comfort in your hand, the warmth and smell immediately making you feel better. Bucky is making toast, his back to Shuri. “Are you okay?” she asks, “Did you hurt yourself?” Her quick and bright mind swiftly gathers that you must have used your powers by accident. “I’m fine,” you shrug. Frankly you’re baffled at her concern, it wasn’t really what you expected after blowing up someone's property. You’re not sure if you’re really fine, your muscles still protest with every movement but it’s bearable. Bucky places a plate with toast and avocado in front of you, gently giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before he concentrates on his own plate. You mumble a quick thank you, grateful that someone blessed the man with a talent for cooking. “Sorry about the room,” you say to Shuri, that sense of guilt threatening to flood you again. “It’s alright. I was working on some new cleaning robots that I wanted to test anyways.” Shuri just shrugs, “I’m glad you are alright though.” You feel like people should be appalled by you but instead you get nothing but concern and kindness. “Stop blaming yourself,” says Bucky, having interpreted your silence the right way. Damn that man for reading you like an open book. Before you can say anything else Shuri’s phone makes a noise, one she was expecting apparently. “Good news,” she smiles, “Cap will come over with Wanda later today. She agreed to help.” She jumps up from the table, muttering something about putting those robots to work. And work they do, in less than an hour your room is made to look as good as new. With some reluctance you get out of Bucky’s sweater, pulling on some actual clothing to greet Steve and Wanda later. In only a split second you decide not to return it, hiding it in the back of your closet for later use. You hope Bucky won’t notice.

A few hours later the visitors arrive. Steve surprises you by grabbing you in big, bear hug. You giggle, gladly hugging him back. “You look a lot better than last time we met,” he grins. “Well, it’s nice to see you from this angle,” you joke back. After all, you had only seen him whilst lying down or being carried around. It feels good to greet him standing on your own two feet. “This is Wanda Maximoff,” Steve says, introducing the smaller woman next to him. She’s very beautiful but her expression is guarded, not open and bright like Steve’s. “Nice to meet you Wanda,” you offer her your hand and after a moment of hesitation she shakes it. She doesn’t say anything, she only nods her head once, avoiding eye contact. You can’t give her odd behavior more thought because you’re distracted by Steve cheerfully greeting Shuri and Bucky. The latter looks really happy to see his best friend and you can’t help but feel elated too, any guilt that was left is quickly forgotten for now. Shuri swiftly and clearly explains your situation to Wanda and Steve, though they must already know most of it. She shows them her findings and research about the serums and how they react to your blood. You take over the story when Shuri reaches the point of your power outburst. You tell them about your nightmare and how it triggered the second serum, unleashing powers you didn’t even know you had. “Emotions,” Wanda says. It’s the first time you hear her speak, her voice carrying an accent unknown to you. “Beg your pardon?” you ask, not sure what she’s meaning. “Your powers. The magic. It’s chaotic by nature. It reacts very strongly on emotions, on what you feel,” she explains. She still won’t look you in the eyes. “But you control it?” Shuri asks, her interest peaked. “Yes. Partly by exercise, mostly on intuition.” “But can you teach me? Will you help?” you ask, unable to hide the desperation in your voice. Even if it only grants you a fraction of control, you’ll gladly take it. Wanda looks at you for the first time, then at Steve. You can’t read his expression but it’s clear the subject has been discussed before. Wanda sighs and nods. “Yes, I’ll help.”

Wanda disappears not long after the conversation is over, clearly not wanting to be a part of the little social gathering any longer. Shuri has a royal dinner to attend to which leaves you with Steve and Bucky. You don’t mind though, you all cook dinner together and enjoy a cosy meal before Steve has to leave again. More stories and adventures from their past and childhood are brought up and you love listening to both men being all nostalgic. They paint their time during the 30’s and 40’s so vividly that it almost feels like you’re there yourself. You laugh at Steve telling embarrassing stories about Bucky’s dating adventures, he was quite the ladies man it seems. Bucky blushes but laughs along, taking kind revenge on Steve by recalling all the times he had to be saved when he had tried to beat up someone twice his size. Steve has to leave after dinner though, leaving you and Bucky feeling all warm, well fed and happy. You head back to your own room only to be met with a sense of coldness and loneliness. The room is perfectly clean but none of the wrecked furniture and decorations have been replaced yet. The robots did their work perfectly but the space feels too sterile. Maybe it is for the best, so there is less for you to destroy. You change into your pajamas and crawl into bed, convincing yourself that you can do a simple task as going to sleep. It takes you two whole hours of tossing and turning to realize what you really want, what you are missing. With a sigh you give in and wrap yourself in your blanket, bare feet padding through the hallway until you reach the right door. You feel crazy for doing this and your mind is screaming at you to just turn around. But your body acts on its own, craving that familiar sense of warmth and safety. You knock ever so softly, already planning to turn around and get back when a soft voice answers: “Come in.” You open the door slowly, revealing yourself to the man sitting in his bed, a book in his hand. His eyes light up at the sight of you. “Bucky?” you ask with a small voice. You’re not sure what more to say or ask, you’re not even sure yourself at why you actually came here. Bucky just nods, scooting aside and patting the spot next to him. It’s a clear invitation and you don’t hesitate when you close the door behind you. You crawl into his bed, snuggling up against him in the same way you had done the night before. Bucky wraps his arms around you only then realizing why he had felt like he was missing something that night. He shuts down the lights, feeling all relaxed and sleepy now that you’re here. “G’night doll.” “G’night Bucky.”

Taglist: @lavieenlex @babymorganna @fandomtime-123 @blueswedebeatbox Honorary tag: @bitsandbobsandstuff

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #the winter soldier #the winter soldier x reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #fanfiction #reader insert #agate #wingardium-letmefuckyou writes

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fallen029 · 7 years ago

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Good and Clean

His apartment was always smokey. Always. The second she walked through the door, no matter what hour or with who, there was some lingering smoke around. Whether it be from one of his cigarettes, the visiting Laxus' cigar, or some other illicit reason, it was just always present and usually accompanied by glowing green eyes floating around in the haze, from his babies as they circled their father lazily. At the sound of her entering or knocking though, she always got the same response.

"Lissy," he'd exclaimed before getting (or stumbling depending on the day) to his feet before rushing around the tiny place, as if in a lame attempt at picking up. Because she wasn't like him. Or Freed. Or Ever. Or even Laxus.

She was special.

That was what she overheard him explain to Laxus on day at the hall. She was over at the bar, with Mirajane, and hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but sometimes it couldn't be helped.

"She's different," the seith insisted to his idol as they sat at a table together, sipping on beers. "From all of us. She, like, hangs out with Natsu and Lucy and them. Right? She's in a different world than us. They're all...all..."

"Annoying as hell?" Laxus paused his beer sipping just to make his feelings on the subject known. "The constant reason that things befall the hall? Why I contemplate everyday whether or not Fairy Tail's still great or if it's just a place for posers to gather and attempt to make one another feel better about their pathetic-"

"Clean," Bickslow explained, not even listening to the man ramble. "They're all real clean, yeah? They don't… They're just not like us."

Laxus shrugged at that. Couldn't argue with the truth.

"You don't feel that way?" the other man asked then. "About Mirajane, I mean?"

Dropping the mug back down on the table once he'd gulped all its contents down, the slayer said simply. "My woman can hang. And if yours can't, maybe it's time you find a new one."

"That's not it." He sat back then, as if thinking. "I just… I think I like it."

That got a snort out of the other man and a grumble of something, but Lisanna didn't catch it, as Mira was speaking to her then and she had to get back to work. It stuck with her though, for some reason, as their relationship only progressed from there. The fact that Bickslow held her on a different level, on a whole other standard than himself was a little shocking to her. She never really thought of herself as...good. Clean. She was the sister of the she-devil.

Could someone of that lineage be deemed clean? Apparently.

Not that she didn't try to be bad. Dirty, as it were. She did whatever he was doing. If he was drinking, fine, she'd drink. If he was smoking, okay, cool. Whatever. If he and the others were trading dark past stories, whatever. So they used to bash up guilds that talked about Fairy Tail. Well, once, back in Edolas, when the Fairy Tail there was on hard time, she helped that Lucy steal something.

So really, wasn't she just as bad as them?

Right?

Wrong. To them. That story just made them laugh. It should have, considering she was lying anyhow, but Bickslow seemed to appreciate the effort. Even when she choked down beer, when she coughed up whatever it was in that blunt he passed her, and definitely when she puked her guts out every time after, at least she was trying.

"It's like," he told her once when they were sitting around his apartment. Laxus was there, somewhere, as he and Mirajane had had a fight and he'd been banished from their apartment, leaving Bickslow and Lisanna without the option of doing anything that might remotely make the slayer sick (he claimed even a glimpse of them kissing would make him vomit). "You're completely different. You know?"

"No." She was on the floor with him and all the lights were out save some candles that he'd lit around the room. Not in a romantic way, but more in a 'he hadn't replaced any of the burned out bulbs in the living room for months and they liked the ambiance anyhow' kinda way. The bathroom and bedroom had lights. And the kitchen. What? Did someone really need that many light bulbs in an apartment? "Different how?"

"Not in a bad way." He was watching Peppe and Poppo, two of his babies, with mild interest as they chased after one another. "In a good one."

"How is it good be different? And different when?"

"When you're with me," he explained slowly, glancing over at her. His visor was off and he didn't have a hood on, but his Mohawk hadn't been done up that day as he'd only woken up an hour ago, when she knocked on the door to find he and Laxus both passed out from a night of drinking and no doubt endless complaining about Mirajane and her antiquated rules. Such as no muddy boots in the house. Bah! Drunk Laxus bahed! At that. And also get kicked out. Heh. "You're relaxed. And cool."

"But?" she prompted.

"But," he continued, "when you're with your sister or brother or even your friends, like Happy and Natsu and them, you get all innocent and shit. Like we weren't drunk the night before, passed out over at Freed's and having him yell about how he'll stop inviting us over if we're only going to do that. Or like you don't bitch to me constantly about your sister and how she treats you like a child or the way that Natsu's just always counting you out of shit and it ain't fair. You can go from doing that the day before and just right back to hanging with either of them the next day like you were super pissed at the only hours ago. You don't even bring it up to them. Like, ever. At all. And-"

"And what?" She didn't take what he was saying well. At all. "I'm supposed to what? Yell at the person who raised me for treating me as if she did? Or be mad at Natsu for moving on after I was gone for two years and-"

"I'm not saying that," he told her, turning his attention back to the babies and the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. After taking a puff, he said simply, "I'm not getting onto you. I think it's cool." Then, pausing, he added as more thoughtfully, even holding his head a bit higher, "I think it's mature."

Lisanna had been ready to yell at him or detail to him all the ways he was wrong, in full, but stopped at that word at the end. Mature. It wasn't one that she got thrown her way often.

"R-Really?"

"Well, sure." He even grinned at her then, that huge one where he showed all his teeth. "That's how adults handle stuff, yeah? Like your sister for example. She works for Master, huh? Not just in the way we all do, but she has a legitimate job. She's a barmaid. If he did something that she didn't like, she wouldn't berate it for him. She'd come home and tell Laxus about it. Because that's how you handle things. You just don't get to blow up at people when they make you mad. You wait until you're with someone you trust and you tell them about it. Because that's maturity. Not always needing to throw a fit. Holding it in." Another puff. And then, "I respect that. I respect you."

And Lisanna was blushing too hard then to listen as Laxus came out of the bedroom, hungover and grumbling about the scent of the candles and how he was going home, to the demon, to force her to apologize (to beg for forgiveness and swear to never get mud on her floors again). Didn't even mention to him that he was shirtless and looked a mess. Just let him go. Bickslow did too, but that was more because he was fiddling with his pack of smokes and only grumbled out a farewell with a cigarette hanging in between his teeth.

Respect. Her. He respected her. She wasn't sure if anyone had ever felt that ways about her. Most everyone else wrote her off as Mirajane's kid sister. And it would be easy for Bickslow to do that too, but he didn't. He thought she was mature. Huh.

If being different though, was a sign of maturity, then she saw no traces of it with him. He was always the same. Always. Dark, but not too dark. Silly, but not too silly. In motion. Constantly. He couldn't just sit still. Even when they would sit around his apartment, he was always fidgeting with something. Or if they were walking outside, headed somewhere, he always had to jog. Or run. Or jump around. Something. The man was full of only kinetic energy. No potential.

That was what stuck out to her, really, as she strode into his apartment that day (he had a habit of keeping the door unlocked). He was just sitting there, in the darkness of the apartment, no candles lit and the babies dormant. Not to mention the air smelt of long gone smoke and something sweet, but nothing recent.

"Bicks?" she called out softly as she only came close to where he was seated in his boxers, back against the couch as he sat on the floor, staring straight ahead. He hardly glanced up at her. "Are you okay?"

She knew that he wasn't, of course, because Ever had spent the night previous filling her in on the significance that the date in question held for him, when the other woman was at the guild pretending not to stare over at Elfman. It was a somber tale, one that she could have pieced together herself, honestly, given the back-story on all of the others in the guild and how they wound up members of it, but to hear the actual thing was kinda odd. Especially the way that Freed, who was up at the bar with Evergreen, glared at her the entire time, keeping eerily silent on the whole thing. Not that Ever noticed his disapproving stare. Nor cared probably, as not soon after, she'd finally gotten the attention from Elfman that she would only claim she didn't want and went to sit with him.

After she was gone, Freed only told her one thing.

"Just leave him alone tomorrow," he said simply as he kindly paid out his and Ever's tabs both before getting to his feet. Mirajane wasn't working that day, which meant Laxus was off with her, doing something or other, and left Freed with little reason to hang around for more than an hour or so. "Bickslow. And in a day or two, things will be back to normal."

But that was the thing. As much as she tried to stray from it, Lisanna definitely had shared some of the same tendencies as her older sister. Namely, she was a snoop. She never knew when to leave well enough alone. Sure, it would have been simple to just pretend like she didn't know that anything was wrong. After all, her and Bickslow could go weeks without seeing one another, what with jobs and her taking shifts up at the bar and such.

She just couldn't let that happen though. She had to go over there, Lisanna did. Had to pry. Had to speak with him. There was just no other way.

Only when she arrived to find him like that, just sitting there in the darkness, she wasn't really certain of what to do. Or say. Just seeing him with his babies dormant, something that he only did when they were going to bed, was throwing her off. Slowly, she moved to take a seat next to him.

"Did we," he began after a moment or two, "have something to do today?"

"What? No. I just-"

"'cause I can go get dressed." He didn't move in the slightest to do so though and still didn't look at her. "I just forgot is all."

'No, really. I just came over to...to see you."

"Huh." Reaching up, he rubbed at his downed Mohawk. "See me."

"Uh-huh. And, you know, hang out or whatever."

"Hn." He glanced at her finally before gesturing around. "This is my plans for the day. You can stay if you want, but don't expect much."

One of the dolls bodies, Pappa, was right near them and, slowly, Lisanna reached out to pick it up. Stroking at where his eyes were painted on, she said, "Something wrong with the babies?"

"Eh?"

"It's just pretty late in the day for them to still be asleep."

That's what they called it. Instead of whatever it was that his dolls were really doing when he didn't have them encased in their bodies, they said that they were asleep. Because that's what babies did when they weren't awake. They slept.

Just like that though, at her words, Bickslow did something without moving in the slightest, because Pappa seemed to become alert again, eyes flashing green for a moment before he wiggled in her hand. When Lisanna let him go, he only took to floating in front of her face.

Bickslow didn't awaken the others. Pappa was her favorite, anyhow. She never said it, not aloud, but he knew.

Slowly, as if picking up on the morose mood in the room, Pappa just moved to sit atop Lisanna's head, (his favorite spot), and morn with them. Slouching forwards, Lisanna settled in next to her boyfriend, silently wondering just what she should say.

"I was plannin' on bein' alone today."

Lisanna glanced up at Bickslow then, frowning slightly. "O-Oh. I can go, I just-"

"No." He even shook his head slightly. "Don't know what fun you can have over here today, but you can stay."

She'd seen Bickslow serious before, during battle and such, but she'd never seen him so dour and unattached. For someone that had it so together and completely comfortable with themselves and their (very) odd inclinations, one would think that Bickslow would have long gotten over the traumas of his past. Or at least learned to deal with them internally.

Apparently not.

Pappa whined then, softly, sadly, from her head and Lisanna pondered if the babies knew or not. She asked herself that question a lot. Just how much freewill his souls had and how much they used.

"Did you… Have you eaten? Today?" When he shook his head, she said, "Did you want me to make you-"

"Not hungry."

"Are you out of cigarettes?" That was the only reason she could think that he didn't have one out. He usually did when he was stressed over something. "I can go get you-"

"No."

"Then here." She got up then, Pappa still balanced on her head, and walked off to his bedroom. She found the pack of them sitting on his dresser and grabbed a lighter. "I got them for-"

"Lisanna-"

"No, here." She came back over and tried to shove one in his mouth, planning on lighting it for him as well. Hell, if she could smoke it for him as well, she'd do that too. "Just let me-"

"No, Lisanna, knock it off!" He shoved her hands away and then she was just standing there, lording over him with one of his babies perched on her head, staring in the dark room at him in shock. Glaring up at her, he said, "I'm not a fucking idiot."

"W-What? I don't-"

"You know."

"Know wh-"

"Lisanna."

And then they were both still, staring at one another in silence. Slowly, she moved to drop the cigarette and lighter before falling back into her spot next to him.

"Who told you? Ever?"

"N-"

"Damn Ever."

"I was going to say no."

"I know it was Ever." Still refusing to look at her, he said, "I didn't want you to know. It ruins everything."

"How?"

"It just doesn't."

"Bickslow, I don't think...less of you. That you like to spend today like this. I get it. My parents are dead too."

"I think," he told her hotly then, tone heavy, "that watching your parents be killed by robbers and not being able to protect them is a little different than just having them catch a little cold and pass, don't you?"

It was so cold too, the way he told her that. She was too shocked to say anything for a moment, only staring at him.

Then her face grew as dark as his.

"Screw you then, Bickslow. Wallow alone." Shoving up, she moved to get to her feet and storm off, but Bickslow didn't let her get far. She wasn't out of his grasps yet when he literally moved to tackle her. Straight to the ground. It wasn't very comfortable either.

"Ow! What are you-"

"Don't leave me." He'd launched himself at her in an awkward way, leaving her face down on the floor and him halfway atop her, head pressed into the small of her back. "I'm sorry. Just don't leave me."

She could only shift slightly though it brought no comfort before saying, "I think you broke my nose."

"Is it bleedin'?"

"No."

"Then you're alright."

They both laid there then, her sulking in the fact that she couldn't be too pissed at him, given the anniversary he was dealing with, and him just taking comfort in the feeling of the soft fabric of her shirt against his face. It made him tired, honestly.

"I'm sorry I said that. You know I didn't mean it."

"You still shouldn't have-"

"I know. I'm sorry."

Again, silence. Pappa, who'd fallen off Lisanna's head at some point, didn't move from where he fell and she was a tad worried about him, but given how sturdy the babies were (they did battle for Bickslow, after all), she decided to put it out of her mind.

"I shouldn't have come over here."

"Why? I wanted you to."

"You did?"

He kissed her back then. "I just didn't know's all."

Gingerly, Lisanna pushed up and Bickslow shifted back away from her. He felt a rush of embarrassment, something he wasn't used to, for a number of things. Mainly the fact that he'd just horribly insulted her parents deaths, but also because he'd kinda just freaking tackled her. On any other day, okay, fine, he was weird, she'd get over it, but given the circumstances and why he did it, he wasn't so sure.

"Are you really okay?" he asked as, once she was sitting up and facing him, she reached up to touch her nose.

"Are you?" was all she responded back to which, slowly, he nodded.

"I never wasn't."

Moving to grab Pappa and put him in her lap that time, Lisanna said simply, "I shouldn't have pried."

"I have a feeling you didn't."

With a shrug, she said, "Ever had a bit to drink."

"I figured."

"If it makes you feel better, she went home with Elf last night, so there's that."

"Meh."

"Meh?"

"Even the thought of teasing her on that later's kinda a moot point right now."

They both moved once more to sit with their backs against the couch, no longer facing one another. For a moment or so, they got some more peace before Lisanna broke it again.

"Is this what you usually do?" she asked. "On…today?"

"When I was younger," he told her softly, "I would go back home."

"Home?"

Nodding, he said, "We had a house, yeah? I'd go back there. No one ever bought it. It's all rundown and stuff now. I haven't been back in years. It's probably gone. Now I mostly just sit around and think, I guess. I don't do that a lot, but-"

"Would you ever go back?"

"Eh?"

"Back there," she said, shifting so that she could stare up at him. "Would you go back?"

"Why would I?" he asked. "It's not like… I mean, when I was younger, it was so important to me. As if they were there. But I know that they aren't now, of course. So why does it matter?"

"I don't know. I just asking."

"I couldn't go now. I couldn't… What if someone's livin' there? Huh? Or if it's gone? Or if I couldn't even remember the way?"

Staring at him with her deep blue eyes, Lisanna said, "You can always find your way back home."

"Do you ever..."

"They exiled us, Bicks. Or at least they did Mirajane. So no, I don't. But I have my siblings," she told him. "You just have you."

He stuck out his tongue then, but it wasn't in jest. He was showing off his marking.

"I have Fairy Tail."

"Always."

That time, the silence only lasted mere seconds before he asked her something.

"If I did ever go back," he began slowly. "W-Would you..."

Not even taking a moment to think about it, Lisanna told him, "In a heartbeat."

For some reason he let out a long breath then, as if he'd been holding it in. Then, reaching out, he picked up the discarded cigarette and lighter.

"I should have died too."

"W-What?"

"With 'em," he told her as he lit the cigarette before shoving it in his mouth. "That's why I don't like going back there. I should have died too. But the guys couldn't do it. They couldn't kill a kid. And the older I got, the more it set in. That I wouldn't be that old, you know? If..."

"But they didn't," she told him. "They didn't kill you. Just like if it hadn't been for that anima-"

"Don't talk like that. You would have been fine. You-"

"But I wouldn't have," she insisted. "I would have died because of something stupid I did. But you know what? It was there and I didn't die. Just like they couldn't go through with it, so you did survive. Because for some reason, we had more to do in this life. Like be here right now."

Reaching over, he tugged gently at some of her white hair. With a slight sigh, he said, "I just wanna hang around here today, kid. But… You could stay for awhile, huh?"

"Of course, Bicks." She moved to lean against him then, Pappa still in her lap. "Whatever you want."

He was different then, Bickslow was, that day. The entire day. They didn't really joke at all once. He didn't eat. And only smoked one cigarette. Mostly he just laid around and stared blankly at things as she kept his dolls, who he awakened, entertained. It was never hard. Three knock-knock jokes and they were set for the entire day.

"I feel weird," Bickslow said at one point as they shifted to laying around in his bed. "Staying in my boxers all day."

"You wanna get dressed?"

He nodded then, but didn't get out of bed. Only reached over to grab his visor and put it on. There. All better.

Frowning, Lisanna only snuggled closer into his side. Whatever made him feel better, she supposed.

Or clothed. Whatever made him feel clothed.

Sigh.

"Thanks, kid," he told her about then. The babies were littered around the bed and, though they weren't dormant, were just lying there as they all made little nonsensical noises. It used to annoy her, when they first got together, but slowly it had become a comfort.

"For what?"

"For coming to check on me." With his visor on, he felt a lot better, and even stroked her cheek gently as he spoke. "I was a dick for not mentioning it to you."

"No. It's fine."

"You're such a good person," he told her. Even though she couldn't see them, she was pretty certain that his eyes were slipping closed then and he was drifting off. "I ever tell you that?"

"Yeah, Bicks." She kissed his side before shutting her own eyes. "A few times."

"It's true. I like it. A lot. You're a good person."

Nuzzling against his side, she breathed in his scent slowly.

"So are you, Bickslow," she reminded. "And never forget it."

#Bixanna #Miraxus #Laxus Dreyar #Bickslow #Lisanna #Lisanna Strauss #Laxus #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

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moonshroooms · 8 years ago

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My Multiracial Experience (thus far)

So I’m both white and black, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough ‘experience’ being mixed to have an opinion on it. And that seems like a silly thought as well.

This entire rant/ramble has been sparked by reading this comic here:

http://kianamaiart.tumblr.com/post/160203876884/continued-under-the-cutmore-thanks-for

As a disclaimer, if anyone stumbles across this lonely post in the wide ocean and I have said something offensive, I apologize. I’m probably not sure what I said, but it was never my intention to offend or ostracize. I’m just trying to ramble off my own experiences that I’m still not sure what to make of myself.

Growing up I was with my white mother, and thus my mom’s side of the family. I will note my brother and sister from my mother’s side are also mixed, being white and syrian/mexican, but they’re both very pale and you would never guess they’re mixed unless they told you (especially since my sister dyes her hair red, people assume she’s irish. Which we are, but that’s not the point).

Anyways, for the majority of my life I somehow grew up ‘not seeing race’. And yeah yeah that’s a bad term, but I’m not sure how else to put it. My race or anyone else’s was seldom the forefront of my mind, and I’m not sure if it’s because I wasn’t exposed to a lot of other cultures growing up where I did (likely), or if it’s because hopscotch was a way hotter topic than cultural and racial differences. Either way, without being exposed to many other cultures, I also didn’t learn to be afraid of different cultures either.

Very little was brought up about my race as a child, not because it was withheld or avoided, but just because it was never really the subject.

There were very few times I brought up my race at all, as it was never a big impact in my life.

One time with my dad I had the perfect tan not because of genes or anything, but because I spent 5 minutes in the pool and 5 minutes out. I was like 5, so I probably had only the vaguest of ideas of what gave me my skin color. I remember in elementary school in history class I told a classmate that I would have been double forbidden in Old Times™ since I was white and black and he giggled and said I was ‘choco-nilla’, which made me laugh. I remember asking my mom when I was little one day that if she was white, and my dad was black, what did that make me? And she responded with “You’re perfect.” And that pretty much sums up the way I felt about my race for the majority of my childhood, as well as the majority of my experience with it as a child.

It wasn’t ever presented as an issue, or something negatively different. I wasn’t common, but I wasn’t odd either. I was just me. And there wasn’t much culture I got from either my mom or dad’s side, (unless you’re counting holidays like Christmas and whatnot, but that’s about it).

Now it didn’t stay like this forever. I can’t say I’ve been largely discriminated against or anything like that, thankfully, but there was a point in which it started to be pointed out to me more often.

I grew up in largely white and middle-class communities until I was about 13, when we moved into a much poorer and largely black neighborhood (where we still live now). Now, I didn’t take much note of what races the community was until much later, after I started becoming more hyperaware about race. (And even then it’s not really like, a negative thing. But it will be something I point out in a bit).

I think my first honest ‘racial awakening’ (for lack of a better term), I had was when I’d brought my friend A (who I think I’ve spoken of before), from my new apartments to my old friends in their house for a birthday party. We were coming down the stairs after jumping into our bathing suits and she stopped me at the bottom and asked me if I wasn’t nervous. I was incredibly confused and asked why I’d be nervous. I mean, I had lived in this house for the better part of a year, I knew most everyone present since I was 8 – why would I be nervous? And her response was: “Because we’re the only black people…”

And that answer confused me to no end. I can’t entirely remember what I replied, probably something like an upbeat ‘of course not’, probably. Because that was the answer to her question: of course I didn’t feel out of place or nervous. I don’t think I ever really decided what to think of the moment, I still don’t know what to think about it. Was it good? Was it bad? I’m not sure. I do know that it sums up the majority of my experiences with my race since I’d move to where I live now. Not necessarily or obviously negative, but certainly not positive. It was just kinda. Pointed out. Made noticeable.

Now, despite growing up in largely white neighborhoods, I didn’t feel out of place in my new black neighborhood, at least not initially.

I remember in my middle school I made friends with a girl named Amy who sat next to me, who was a bit of an anomaly since she was one of only two white people in the entire school. She had told me she liked being the only white person because it meant she was different, and had gotten a little jealous when the second white kid had started attending. I thought it was an odd notion, but there wasn’t much significance to it. It’s just a thing that’s stuck in my mind.

I eventually made friends with a kid we’ll call T, (and I shan’t name since I’m friends with him today). I didn’t like him much when he first tried making friends with me. He asked a lot of weird questions and mumbled a lot (which now I realize he was just shy back then. I literally had next to no contact with anyone who was shy like me, all my friends were very social and extroverted. So when I came across this dude who was just fricken shy I was like ‘yo he a weirdo’. Now it’s obvious to me he’s very social, just shy and reserved at first.)

Anyways, it wasn’t long before T asked me ‘what are you?’ That’s a question I’ve read that quite a few mixed people have problems with. Personally, I’ve never been offended by the question (aside from one time I’ll point out later). I always took it as a scientific question. Some people may find it obvious I’m of African descent, and others might not. And many usually want to know what the other ‘half’ is. And I simply respond that I’m white and black, white from my mother, black from my father. Sometimes I’ll delve into the like, 13 Caucasian things my mom is, usually as a joke that I was a double mutt. And that’s usually the end of it. T actually asked me what I was a couple times. The first time was normal, the second time I figured he forgot, the third time I started feeling weird the question so much. At that point I think I’d told him I was human. That was the last time T had asked me ‘what I was’ but it was not the last time my mixed heritage had been pointed out by him.

One time we’d gone to the pool with T and his little brother. I don’t quite remember the conversation that had led up to all this, but something had prompted me to say that I was black, which I am. And T quickly responded with: “No you not, you mixed.” And… Hm. You know, last time I checked, my biological father being black made me black as well. And my biological mother being white made me white as well. And my biological parents made me not only white AND black, but ALSO mixed. Funny, it’s almost like that’s how genetics and racial constructs worked. worked. At this point in time I’d started getting a little snarky with racial remarks. I don’t recall what I responded with, if anything, in this instance however.

Another instance of my race being pointed out was with my next-door-neighbor (who we’re just gonna dub Lily). Now, I never really liked Lily much. She was a bit rude at times, and spread a rumor that my hair was a weave. Keeping in mind that I was like, 14 at the time. Is a grown woman really spreading rumors about a little girl that just stays in her house and minds her own business?? Second, my hair isn’t a weave, which I’d taken offense to back then. I didn’t know why it was offensive, it just felt like it was supposed to be an insult. Nowadays its like ‘lol it’s all real I would know I wash it’. Also at that age I just kinda. Stuffed my hair all poofy in a ponytail. My poor mom didn’t know what to do with black hair and hadn’t learned, and consequently I never learned how to deal with my hair. I’m doing my own research nowadays (which is a bit hard since there’s not much on mixed or black hair that’s at my length), but that’s a conversation for another day.

One time Lily was drunk and told me and my friend A she would take us to Applebees (this encounter happened because my friend invited me after Lily invited her. I said no, and my friend A brought Lily into my home and into my room to push me to go. I was an introverted and awkward fop and wtf a mildly drunk lady was pressuring me to go places). I sure as hell did not want to go. I was like, 14/15, didn’t like Lily, and didn’t want to be trapped with some random drunk lady. (Looking back now, who the hell was going to get us to Applebees if she was drunk??) Anyways, while Lily was drunk she mostly cried about her life and problems. At some point she was drunkenly laughing that I ‘talked like a white girl’. Later on we’d walked to our nearby Starbucks, my friend A and Lily took some unclaimed cups off the counter, decided they were nasty and threw them away. While we were walking back home Lily kept claiming me and A as her children and saying (and I quote), “they daddies was white”.

Now, A and I are both fairly light-skinned. A’s a shade or two darker, but we’re close enough many people have mistaken us as sisters. Difference between us being that both of A’s parents are of African descent (and I’ve never met her dad, but her mom is fairly dark), and my mother is not black at all. Not only was it uncomfortable to have our random drunk neighbor who I didn’t like in the first place claiming to be our mother, but what the fuck was the point of randomly shouting and announcing that apparently our fathers were white? Why? What did it accomplish? Was it funny? Because you shouting random things at strangers just made everyone uncomfortable. At the end of the day, A was annoyed that she kept saying that ‘our fathers were white’ and claiming us as her daughters, but also that we didn’t go to Applebees. (I wasn’t really surprised on that front. My personal experience with drunks was that you don’t take everything they say as fact).

This wasn’t my last encounter with Lily and her random comments though. At some other point I was at her apartment for some reason or another, and she once again made the comment that I ‘talked like a white girl’. And she repeated this maybe 2 or 3 times.

Now, there’s a lot of social this that and the other thing about all sorts of things pertaining to dialect and the way people talk. I talk the same way I do around the people I was raised with. I talk like my mother who is yes, white. Now, I assume she pointed this out because I didn’t talk like “””””black people talk””””””, which I find a completely ridiculous incentive in and of itself. It’s not like black people own a certain speech pattern. If a black child grew up in a Texan community they’d have southern slang, accent, and idioms. They would not talk in the manner many black communities in say, California, do BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T RAISED IN THOSE COMMUNITIES. If I talk ‘like a white girl’ it’s because I was raised by my mother, who is *gasp* white.

Anyways, this was at the time I had been exposed to people pointing things out about my race randomly and started getting snarky about it. So my response was to put on my most innocent face, look her in the eye and say:

“I don’t understand. How do white people talk?”

And boy did that shut her up quick. I quickly picked up in that in a some situations like that, pointing out race things are funny as long as you only skip along the top of the pond of prejudice. Fall in the water and oops, now you sound like a jackass.

Now, I feel like prejudice is a strong word to use in that case. But I feel like calling it something else is also underplaying it. Did she have no idea how speech patterns and quirks worked? Why did she feel the need to not only stereotype me with a certain speech, but feel like it was odd that I spoke in that manner? What did she expect? I talk like my mother talked. If my mother talks ‘white’, then it would only be logical that I did as well, right? Right?

Another instance I’d had wasn’t of much note and was much more recent, but just another thing that stuck in my mind. I was out to dinner with my friend C and her 10billion friends for her birthday. In that group was a single black kid. I don’t really remember what the conversation was, but our blackness was brought up and he said that ‘at least I was light-skinned’. I still don’t know quite what to think of it.

Now, I stated a thousand paragraphs ago that there was a reason I pointed out the community I lived in now was largely black. That reason is that ever since I’d moved to where I live now, the people that had been the ones to make me hyperaware of my own race and my mixed heritage were black. At some point I’d asked my therapist why people felt the need to say I wasn’t black, I was mixed. Or point out that I talked like a white girl, or this that and the other thing. And she asked me what the races of the people who pointed these things out were, which they answer was (at the time), that they were all black. She told me that were was definitely a sort of thing with mixed people and black people. And I did my best to look up what the conflict or social stigma was, but I will get back to that later.

I did have another encounter with my race recently, and this one was one that I would definitely perceive as negative with no doubts. And unfortunately for me it was with my longtime friend C. Now, C, much like my siblings, is also mixed. C is white and Mexican, but if C never told you you’d never guess in your entire life that she was anything but white. And I know she’s part Mexican, and I am friends with her extended family, but I for the life of me have no idea where got her Mexican heritage from. And for that matter, they don’t partake in any sort of Mexican culture either.

Sometime last year I was just hanging out in C’s room and she decided to randomly ‘inform’ me that I was ‘white-washed’.

And like.

What am I supposed to feel about that?

Unfortunately for me I have a lot of anxiety around C and her family, so I wasn’t as assertive about the issue as I wish I could’ve been. I asked C if I was supposed to act like black people do on TV. And to my absolutely shock, her answer was a definitive yes.

And I just.

Really?

You’re going to base an entire race, group, community of people, off of the single black stereotype you’ve seen on television? REALLY? My god, I genuinely thought my friend was smarter than that. I seriously thought she was more understanding than that. But I may held her mental state in higher regard than I should have.

She tried to be all like “dude it’s okay I’m totally white-washed too people call me cracker all the time”, but no. I love C, and I understand that she’s of mixed race as well, but she has a completely different experience of it than me. If someone knows she’s mixed it’s because she told them she was. It’s not something people can just see on her. And as for people calling her cracker, from what I’ve seen the only people who do that are her friends who are also white. And I’ve also heard those same friends use the term ‘nigger’. Not niggA, niggER, which while not completely different when you get down to it, do have different connotations on the surface.

Around this point I tried standing up and being like, ‘you know that’s not how white-washing works’, but she laughed and said sarcastically “Oh my god I’m being sooo racist towards you.” To which I replied sarcastically, “I know, right?”

Now tone I said that in was obviously sarcastic, but C didn’t seem to take it that way, and her response to me ‘agreeing’ with her sarcastic sentiment was to tell me to outright “shut the fuck up”. I went quiet after that.

So far this has been my biggest negative experience with my race and how others view the way I should act. And I get so angry and hurt and confused when I think about it. And I don’t know what I could’ve done to educate or have an honest discussion about it. And all it does is make me wonder how people view me without getting to know me. And it hurts even more because it came from a long-time friend.

AND THAT’S NOT EVEN THE WORST IT COULD GET! I FEEL LIKE I’VE GOTTEN OFF SO EASY WHEN IT COMES TO MY RACE AND HERITAGE THAT I’M NOT EVEN SURE EXACTLY HOW EASY I MAY HAVE IT!

And there’s so much about race and racial relations and prejudice and racism that I don’t know about and just don’t understand, from slurs to terms to history and everything in between! And as I said previously, I tried to research at least one aspect of my mixed heritage and its relationship to black communities and I just…

I got bored.

Yeah.

I researched it, there’s some stigmas with black people who are lighter or darker skinned, mixed people, yadda yadda, and just. I can’t.

I can’t be bothered.

Look, racism is bad. Xenophobia is bad. Prejudice is bad. We know that, and it feels like it should be easy enough to just stop. But there’s hundreds of stupid layers covering the whole thing that only exist because people put them there and enough people keep adding to it or watch it pile up and not enough work to take those layers off.

And the thing about all this is: I hate humans. I’ve never been a people person. I don’t understand a lot of human problems. I’ve wanted to work with animals my whole life. I understand animals, I connect with them. People as a whole do so much stupid shit that I just can’t understand. And more than that I don’t care. Prejudice fuckheads are prejudice fuckheads, and if I ever encounter someone else being a victim of prejudice I’d do my best with what’s in my ability to help them. But as a whole? I’m not someone who’s going to organize marches. I’m not going to make speeches. I’m not going to devote a life of research into understanding and trying to fix it all. I’ll do what I can with what I encounter, but I’m not going to devote my life to it.

The way I want to impact the earth has never been with the humans living in it, it’s always been my wish to have a positive impact on the nature community. And it sucks that there’s just this big rabbit hole that of Issues that I’ve got a foot in not because I take an interest in it or have a particular passion for it, but because we all have those damn worldly issues we’re apart of whether we like it or not.

I don’t know. It’s late and I’m tired. My words on the subject are not graceful. They’re not polished or fleshed-out, or well-educated on the subject, and their a little emotional. They’re just the things I’ve felt and am feeling as I type this up late at night.

I still don’t have negative issues about my own heritage. It’s other people’s reaction to it that I’ve started being wary of. But I still like being mixed. I like the fact that I can be mixed. I like saying I’m white and black. I like seeing mixed families. I don’t always know why, but I get happy if I see a little girl or boy who’s obviously mixed like I am. There’s a sense that I’m not alone, that there are younger children like me. They might have a family like me. And have a different experience like me. And I hope they don’t have to go through any of the confusion or hurt that I did. I hope that they can see themselves in a mirror and simply think ‘I am me’. And that’s all they really need to be.

#ramble #rant #personal #mixed #multiracial #biracial #I feel like I started getting preachy at the end #it's late what do you want #not perfection I hope #the only thing I'm perfect at is eating

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winnwinn-moved · 8 years ago

Text

secret garden

yuta - 2263 - angst

terminal illness tw

yuta considers meeting you one of the best days of his entire life. and even now, as he sits at your bedside, tightly clasping your cold hand in his own, he can remember the day with perfect clarity.

it had been a chilly february day, with temperatures nearly below freezing thanks to the windchill. to this day, yuta doesn’t have any sort of explanation of why he would wander outdoors in such weather, other than fate was having its way with him. but for some reason another, god only knows why, yuta had ventured out into the great wild world. the great wild world being his tiny suburban neighborhood, where was currently staying with two others boys, sicheng and taeyong. despite the gusty winds breathing down his neck, and the tiny snowflakes that decorated the sidewalk, yuta refused to head back inside, instead drawing his hand-knit scarf from back home closer to his face.

yuta had never been to the community park before that day. it’s a tiny park, with cherry blossoms and weeping willows and one hundred forty year old wisterias lining the perimeter, secluding the entire park from the outside world. cobblestone paths spiral through the grass too. previously, some kind soul had taken the time to adorn the park with various flowers as well, from roses, to peonies, to camellias, creating a picturesque scene taken right out of an enchanted fairytale. but of course, when yuta had stumbled across the park, all signs of life were dead, save the giant pond in the middle of the park, which seemed to be teeming with geese.

yuta remembers being drawn to the pond, to the way the sun reflected on the clear water, the reeds blew along with the wind. there was nobody else in sight, or so yuta believed, and so he hurried over to check out the sight for himself. curiously, he had leaned closer to the water’s surface, examining himself in the reflection.

what had become of his life? thousands of miles away from home, rooming with two others from different countries, a broke politics student… yuta could hardly claim that his life was where he had ever expected it to be. yuta couldn’t complain, and he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but ponder on what if? what if he had stayed in japan? what if he had gone on to play professional soccer? what if he had settled down with someone and-

a loud splash awoke yuta from his thoughts. quickly, he stood up straight, glancing around the park to figure out where the noise had come from. to his surprise, he discovered someone standing on the opposite edge of the pond. there they crouched, peering into the water’s edge, beckoning to a fluffy duckling that had swam up close to the shore’s edge. the person giggled, and tossed a piece of bread the duckling’s way. yuta couldn’t help but smile at that. with a peaked interest in the newcomer’s activities, yuta found himself watching as they fed the ducks one by one, and eventually, the geese as well.

but everyone knows that geese aren’t the kindest of creatures. yuta knew better than to get involved in other people’s business, but he didn’t need to be a witness to the first ever murder by goose. not thinking twice, yuta sprinted over to the other side of the lake, impulsively tugging the person away from the swarm of geese gathered merely feet away.

“they’re going to bite you.” yuta had said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“but they’re hungry.” you had replied, giving him a cautious once over.

“but you’re going to get bitten.”

yuta realized how creepy he must have sounded, but something about you stopped from apologizing and fleeing the scene. maybe it was the way the snow dusted your frame, making you appear to be a winter angel. maybe it was the spark in your eyes, that screamed passion and fire and life. or maybe it was the way that you had taken the time to care for the lowliest of creatures that caused his heart to run a marathon. embarrassed, yuta put his hand on the back of his neck, finding a sudden interest in his scuffed up converse. you two remained silent for a few moments, though it wasn’t awkward. rather, it was peaceful, as if the both of you subconsciously understood the importance of this meeting.

finally, yuta has broken the silence. with a gulp, he dared to look back up at you, only to find you already staring over at him. he felt the heat rise to his cheeks, and he internally scolded himself, reminding himself that sicheng was the one who flustered over everything, not him. regardless, yuta found his blush only growing when you smile his way, and yuta swore that your smile outshone the sun. he offered you a small grin, and soon you two were laughing amongst yourselves.

geese squawked around the both of you, egging yuta on “speak, speak, speak!”. yuta found his voice stolen from his throat though, and he lamely turned his head so he wouldn’t have to introduce himself. last thing he needed was for his voice to crack… you on the other hand, seemed press to make his acquaintance, and with a newfound confidence, you introduced yourself, smiling once again.

“oh uh…” he trailed off. “yuta. nakamoto yuta. live in those apartments like five minutes from here?”

he wondered why he would share that information with you. his face heats up again and he shoved his hand into his pockets. you laughed, nudging him playfully. yuta was surprised by the sudden contact, but it felt… natural, and yuta decided he wouldn’t mind seeing you a bit more after that.

and so the two of you exchanged numbers. and after that, the two of you ventured back to your houses, waving goodbye with cheerful grins and pink chins. a week later, yuta had asked you on a date, yes, a date-date, to get sushi down a little hole in the wall he claimed was almost as good as the places back home. you chose the next datem bowling, and there yuta got to witness a competitive streak that rivaled his own. one date led to another, and soon dates turned into something more, and before you and yuta realized what had happened, you were moving in together, leaving sicheng and taeyong to hide snickers behind sniffles as yuta lugged his suitcase out the door.

but then you had gotten the diagnosis. and suddenly giggles were transformed into sobs, and smiles replaced with tears, and no longer was the little apartment with the yellow shutters occupied much anymore. yuta’s picture frames filled with scenery from home found their place on the hospital nightside, along with his clothes, his textbooks, his time. when he could, his bed was your cot, and his desk the chair at your side. the once eager and excitable yuta, who was already ready to debate on issues of morality and politics during class, began to hardly show up, coming with heavy bag under his eyes whenever he did. the hospital staff soon were able to address him by name, and soon, yuta learned their favorite coffee orders by heart.

and now… now yuta holds your hand tightly, with such a strength to you think he might break your bones.

“please…” you repeat your question from before, the question that caused yuta to stop and think on that fateful winter day. “oh yuta…”

he cannot bear to hear you talk. your voice, once so filled with life, now shakes with every word, slowly slipping away whenever you push yourself to speak. yuta shushes you with a kiss to your knuckles. his gaze never leaves you. he gives your hand another squeeze.

ever since the diagnosis, he promised himself he would stay strong for you. and yuta likes to think that he has been strong. his tears are in quiet, his screaming late at night when nobody is awake to comfort him. his ramblings to god remain inside his head too. he doesn’t want you to worry about him, because last thing you need right now is to worry about him of all people. he’s supposed to be your hero, your safety, your hope during this time, and if that means bottling up his feelings, he will do it. he would do anything for you.

but completing your one final request, well that’s not really up to yuta. at this late in the illness, you can hardly stand, let alone make the journey to the park where you and yuta first met. but you continue to insist on visiting, and have been for the last two weeks, and yuta’s heart cracks a bit more whenever he has to deny your request. he’s been trying, hard, to get the hospital to approve your leave for just an hour, but things are complicated. too complicated. yuta can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if you were unhooked from the iv tubes. you already struggle to find the energy to sit yourself up without them. yuta can’t subject you to that kind of torment. he won’t.

“but that’s…” your voice grows faint, and your eyelids flutter shut.

yuta is used to this kind of thing, but he can’t deny the way his heart jumps into his throat when you stop speaking. the constant beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor reassures him however, if only for a bit. it’s a sound yuta has gotten used to, a sound yuta thinks his sanity must depend on. at first, it was scary, horrifying, uncertain, but now yuta thinks his world will fall apart if the sound ever stops ringing in his ears.

but his world will also fall apart if he fails to make you happy, and the only thing you’ve been talking about forever now is that damned garden, and it hurts yuta knowing that achieving your joy is close enough to taste, yet far enough away that it slips through his fingers. yuta is determined to let you see the park once more, but the odds are against him, and he can’t help but wonder if he’ll be able to make you truly happy.

“please yuta… i just want to see where our story started before it en-”

“i told you not to talk like that.” yuta whispers, brushing the hair from your eyes. “we need to stay positive, my love, me and you can take the world together, don’t you remember that promise?”

you nod slightly, a smile tugging at your lips, but it fades away, as does your concentration, and soon you return to your dozing. if yuta can call it that. he doesn’t know if you’re awake or not during times like these. he knows better than to ask. with a sigh, he scooches closer to you, his foreign policy lecture notes discarded on the floor around him. what is he going to do? how is he going to fulfill your dying wish?

suddenly, an idea strikes yuta, and he finds himself astounded he hadn’t considered the idea before. he can’t help but beam. how was the answer so simple, yet so hard to find? there’s not really time to think hard on his stupidity though. if yuta wants to make this really happen, he’ll need all the help he can get. so with a kiss to the top of your head, yuta pushes himself from his chair, racing out the door.

you wake up the next morning, feeling more fatigued than ever before. it takes a while for you to open your eyes, but when you do, you immediately close them again. you’re dreaming. you must be dreaming. to check again, you open your eyes once more. a small giggle escapes your lips, and then another, and soon you are laughing harder than you have in months.

“whoa whoa, don’t work yourself too hard there, darling.”

you glance over, weakly reaching out for yuta. he takes your hand and interlocks your fingers, his cheeks pink like they were the first date you two met. you smile softly and give his hand a feeble squeeze.

“oh it’s beautiful…” you breathe.

and it is. your room is filled with flowers, big beautiful flowers that can only be for one place and one place alone. the roses, red and white in color, rest at the foot of your bed. yellow tulips reside in a vase on your side table. a garland of posies hangs up atop the window, pink and shining in the sun. the lilacs are to your right, and the gardenias to your left, and in front of you is basket upon basket filled with lilies, sunflowers, and hydrangeas. the flowers overwhelm the deathly white of the hospital walls, transporting you to a place of tranquility and safety. slowly, you reach over with shaking hands, fingers brushing over the petals of an especially large aster.

“you didn’t…”

he smiles, grabbing something from down at his feet. in his hand are two flower crowns, woven together with daisies and begonias. gently, yuta places the crown atop your head, leaning down and kissing you softly after he does. he then puts on his own crown, laughing under his breath after he does.

“i told you i would make you happy…” yuta murmurs, thumbing the back of your hand.

you shake your head, tears brimming your eyes. “oh yuta… you’ve already made me the happiest person in the world…”

#yuta drabble #yuta scenarios #yuta scenario #nakamoto yuta #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct 127 #yuta angst #nct angst #ahh sorry this took so long #i hope its what you wanted #ahhhhh

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