#apologies because i am tired and not very coherent

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hello, may I ask for an Earthspark or TFP match-up, please?

My height is 5'3 (160cm). Im nonbinary and asexual, and I use any pronouns. I have brown, curly, short hair and green eyes. My skin is very pale, and I usually look pretty tired. I wear black clothes. Im a pretty calm and level-headed person. I really enjoy deep conservation, music, dancing, reading, and stargazing. I can read pretty much anything. I really like learning new things. Im sarcastic, and I like to tease my friends. I am extremely loyal to my friends, and I show my affection for them through gifts, quality time, and doing them favors. I tend to talk a lot about topics that I am interested in. I usually stay calm when people panic, (even if I'm screaming on the inside). Im trying to be as open-minded as possible to everyone, as long as they are doing the same thing to me. I love animals, especially raccoons. I think they are just adorable (I also have a cat and two dogs).

I have a pear-shaped body, but I'm also a little bit chubby. I have some scars on my arms and legs (mostly because I scratch my wounds when I'm stressed). Im anemic, which means that I get tired easily. Im also lactose intolerant. I often have random pains, but I don't know why. I also have an anxiety disorder (I bite my nails and lips a lot because of it). I would rather spend time indoors than outdoors, but I will not pass up an opportunity for a picnic :3.

I dislike loud noises and crowded places. I can't speak in front of a large group of people, and I have trouble making eye contact. I also hate when someone is bullied. I like spending time with someone when we both just do our stuff in one room. Im a pretty awkward person at first, but if I get close to you, I become more talkative and funny. People always tell me that when they first saw me, they thought I was intimidating. I often hum some music while doing something.

I think thats all. I apologize if this is chaotic. I never wrote a request. I hope it's not too much. Feel free to not write anything at all if you can't come up with anything <3.

Have a nice day and remember to take care of yourself!

Yandere TFP Megatron

Megatron is a cruel decepticon with a distaste for organics, so when he grabbed you into his servo he went to crush you right before Prime’s optics. He grinned viciously down at you, and your dead stare made him pause. Even the bravest of his kind looked more fearful than you. 

Before he could even form a coherent thought, he had transformed around you and flown away. When he got back to the Nemesis he was angry with himself- but he didn’t realize that as he threw you to Knockout, ordering him to watch you.

While you were scared, you did like the quiet of this place. It was almost soothing. 

Knockout peered down curiously at you. At your obvious exhaustion, he commented. “If I didn’t know better about your fleshies, I’d say you’re half dead.”

You stared back up at him, not quite making eye contact. He noticed your avoidance, but said nothing as he scoffed and went back to working. 

Megatron questioned himself as to why he brought you along, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He ended up sitting you on a table in his room while he worked. You were mostly quiet, but your curiosity showed as you looked at his computer. 

His booming voice asked what you were doing, and you covered your ears. Megatron wasn’t sure why he did it, but he lowered his voice and spoke again. “What are you looking at?” 

“....your screen. Sorry.” You bit your nails nervously. Megatron turned away, silent. 

It was weeks before he sat you on his shoulder. He didn’t speak, clearly unsure of how to communicate with you. For the first time in millions of years, he was truly unsure of himself. 

When he did start talking to you, it was to teach you about his gladiatorial days. He spoke of how he started the revolution, and how he fought against the corruption of the senate. 

Eventually you felt comfortable enough to ask questions with him, but you felt nothing but pity. He had been through so much. However, you also felt conflicted- the Autobots are your friends, but you feel like this war has no point anymore other than for Decepticons to get some sort of revenge. 

You slowly began to chip away at Megatron’s cold spark, and he cared for you- even if he didn’t show it well. He loved the way you hummed softly your favorite songs, and how content you were to merely sit on his shoulder. 

Megatron would often bring you to large forests so you could enjoy the nature he found you enjoyed. 

One day, when Megatron was on a comm with Soundwave discussing something, you decided to take off. You wanted to be back with the autobots- not to say that you even hated Megatron after everything you had learned. You ran through the forest, getting turned around almost instantly. 

Almost immediately, you were snatched up into the servos of a very furious mech. Megatron had a deep scowl on his face. 

“After I bestowed all of the knowledge I had upon you, did you really think I’d let you go?” Megaton squeezed you painfully tight. “Don’t worry, worm. I won’t make the same mistake with you twice.”

Megatron, secretly heartbroken that you’d try to leave after creating a bond, locked you in a cage hanging in his room- with no way to escape his clutches. You would never be allowed out unless Megatron was with you. His trust would be hard to earn back- maybe even take your lifetime.

[eyes-of-rock]

Staring Eyes

Part II

Paul Stanley X OC

Roxy’s POV

I take a deep breath and slump against the wall outside the KISS dressing room. Somehow, you'd think the opposite after the show is worse than before. Yet, the moment they walk off stage, they need many things, and that's my job to get them what they need.

I've been trying to advoid Paul since the incident earlier where we nearly kissed. I don't know how to face him after that. I can't deny the attraction, but know I can never go there. I mean, it would just be not good if I did. No matter how much I wish I could.

Of course, seeing him after the show, that chest glistening with sweat did not help me. The way he would slam me up against the nearest wall and get all that makeup and sweat all over me.

Roxy no. You can't think like that. God, I wish one of my bosses wasn't so hot.

Luckily, I got distracted for a bit, having the same old argument with Ace about how I’m not allowed to bring him Booze. That's one of the only rules Doc gave me—no giving Ace booze. Even though I've explained this to him a million times, he still acts like I'm the one who came up with this rule. It’s frustrating, but it's just part of the job.

Then I had to deal with Peter’s girlfriend, Gigi, who had a problem with me helping Peter in any way. Like you don't have to worry, I am not interested in your man; I'm just doing my job. I'm only interested in one of the members, and it sure isn't Peter.

Then, I had to deal with Gene. I love the guy, don't get me wrong, but he's very particular about things, and if something isn't right, he leaves it up to me to fix. I've been busy.

I'm tired, but the night isn't over yet. I try and fail to hold back a yawn. I feel my eyes getting heavy. I could fight it, but it feels so good to close them…

———————————————

Paul’s POV

I can't stop thinking about Roxy. I haven't stopped thinking about her since we met. Almost kissing her and touching her face just added fuel to the fire.

I should have just kissed her, but I hesitated. As much as I want her, I know it's a terrible idea. I don't want her to get that reputation. I could tell in her eyes she wanted me to, though. Then she panicked because of the same reason as me.

Being around her is intoxicating. It’s like one look from her, and I lose all my senses. I know it’s a bad idea, but I want it. This is going to be a challenging tour, especially if I keep letting my dick lead the charge.

I pause as I see Roxy fast asleep against the wall. I know she's trying to avoid me, but I can't just leave her. That could be dangerous.

“Roxy?” I call her gently; I don't want it to shock her awake.

She doesn't move, not even a twitch.

I walk over and squat down next to her.

“Roxy, wake up,”

Her eyes slowly open, and she looks over at me. It takes her a second to realize where she is.

“Oh, I'm so sorry.” She apologizes for what I don't know.

“It’s okay,” I tell her, getting back to my feet and offering my hand to help her back up.

“Let’s get you back to the hotel.”

“Okay.” She replies, barely coherent. I can hear how tired she is in her voice; I'm not about to let her find her way there.

“You’re coming with me in the limo,” I tell her. I know she's about to protest, but I'm not letting her.

“It’s fine, Paul. I can find my way back.” She insists, just as I predicted.

“No, you’re coming with me.” I insist back; I'm not letting her win this fight.

“Fine.” She sighs, rolling her eyes. “You’re lucky I'm too tired to fight you on this.”

“You don't like people offering you help, do you?” I comment, thinking about how earlier she was instant she could remove the makeup on her own.

“I don't.” She admits.

“Took you long enough.” Gene comments once I climb into the limo, followed by Roxy.

“Oh, and you brought Roxy.”

He raises an eyebrow at me. I know exactly what he's thinking. I’m taking her back to my room.

“Not because of why you think,” I tell him before that thought goes any further.

“If you say so,” Gene says, obviously not convinced.

I couldn't have made my crush on her that obvious. I thought it hid it pretty well. I guess not.

Roxy, sitting beside me, is already out like a light. I made the right call. I wasn't about to let something happen to her. At least this way, she's safe.

As we begin moving, she shifts in her sleep and ends up with her head on her shoulder. Oh boy. I know this isn't going to help with Gene’s suspicions. I can't wake her up, though. She looks so peaceful. Plus, I'm not exactly mad about it.

Once we pull up to the hotel, Gene turns to me.

“You better know what you're doing here.” Gene says, “She works for us.”

“I know. That's why I'm not doing anything.” I repeat myself from earlier.

“I hope that's true,” Gene says before leaving the limo.

I gently shake Roxy awake.

“We’re back at the hotel.”

“Already?” Roxy groans, sounding groggy, opening her eyes.

“Which room is yours?” I ask her if I need to make sure she makes it and doesn't fall asleep in the hallway or something.

“Umm…I forget.” She admits, reaching into her jacket pocket, probably to pull out her room key.

She pauses suddenly, looking slightly panicked.

“Oh shit Doc and Tommy are going to kill me.” She groans again, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Did you lose your room key?” I ask, trying to gauge her situation so I can help her find a solution.

“Yup.” She says, annoyed at herself, “I guess it's sleeping in the lobby for me.”

“You can't do that.” I say, “We can track down Tommy or Doc and ask them to help you get a new one.”

“Yeah…about that…this isn't the first time I've lost a key on this tour…this is about the fifth time.” She explains to me.

“Doc told me if it happened again, he was making me sleep outside my room….so that's where I'll be tonight….but I can't remember the number, so the lobby it is.”

This shocks me. Roxy has always had an air responsibility for her, so I'm surprised she lost so many room keys. This is something I would expect from Ace or Peter, not her.

“Let’s try asking the front desk,” I suggest; if we can't ask management, we might as well go straight to the source. I'm not about to let her sleep in the lobby, even if she is irresponsible.

“Not a bad plan.” She agrees, as we walked into the hotel lobby. It’s about one-thirty in the morning but there is still someone sitting at the front desk.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The woman at the front greets us with a friendly smile. That's not what I expected, considering what time it is.

“Yes, you see, I lost my room key and kept a replacement,” Roxy explains to her.

“Unfortunately, ma’am, I'm not authorized to give replacement keys. You’ll have to wait until my manager is in the morning.” The woman replies.

“Can I at least get another room?” Roxy asks next, practically pleading. “I’ll take anything.”

“Unfortunately, we’re completely booked up.” The front desk lady says, giving her a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry I can't help.”

“It's okay, thanks anyway,” Roxy replies, defeated, as she walks away.

“Well, which chair looks the most confrontable?”

I can't let her sleep on one of these very uncomfortable-looking chairs. First, who knows what someone might do to her just sleeping in the open like this? Also, I know she's tired, and I can't let her get any sleep.

“No, come on, you can sleep with me in my room,” I tell her, waving her to follow me to the elevator.

“Paul, that's very sweet of you, but won't people get the wrong idea when I walk out of your room in the morning?” Roxy asks.

“They will, but why do I care? I know we didn't do anything, and I can't with good conscience leave you here.” I tell her.

“You know what? I'm too tired to care, so let's go.” She yawns, following me into the elevator.

——————————————————

“Okay, important question here: where am I sleeping?” Roxy asks me once we walk into my suit.

It has a massive king-sized bed in the middle of the room and a few other pieces of furniture, but none of which are another bed.

I have never invited women back to my room without the intention of sleeping with them before. So, of course, we’re sleeping in the same bed. The bed is massive, so I don't see why it has to be any different; I will never pass up the chance to share my bed with a beautiful woman, even if it is just for sleeping, but that's really up to her.

“The bed is big enough for the both of us.” I point out.

“Okay, but no monkey business.” She warns me, “And we sleep in separate blankets.”

“Works for me.” I agree; I'd love to have her cuddle up to me, but I know that won't happen tonight.

“Great.” She says, taking off her jacket and draping it over one of the chairs.

Then, she separates the comforter from the other blanket on the bed. She pushes the comforter to my side and takes the other blanket on hers.

“Don’t be weird with what I'm about to do.” She warns me, “But I can't stand wearing this bra one more second.”

I want to make crude comments about that, but I hold my tongue. I know I should turn around or look away, but I physically can't.

She doesn't seem to notice or care because she reaches behind and starts unclasping her shirt. She manages to take it off without even taking off her shit.

This whole situation is suddenly screaming the beginning of some bad porno. Only one bed and the girl takes off her bra; only I know this isn't ending in me getting laid.

Her bra isn't anything you'd find typically sexy. It’s not lace or sheer or some animal print. It's just a standard full-coverage black bra. Yet the fact it came off of her breasts makes it sexy.

So much for fighting these feelings because it's not a good idea. Suddenly all I can do is imagine what her tits must look like. Okay, I'm down worse than I thought.

“That didn't seriously turn you on?” Roxy says, rolling her eyes and knocking me out of my fantasy and back into the harsh reality.

“No, of course not.” I lie, there aren't any physical sighs, so maybe she’ll believe it. However, if I had thought about it much longer, there might have been evidence.

“Okay, well, good night.” She says, lying down and pulling the blanket around her before closing her eyes to sleep.

“Good night.” I reply, knowing damn well I'm screwed now.

[isnt-it-pretty]

please only read this if you finished cyno’s story quest!

I absolutely loved the story quest and cyno’s dynamic with everyone else but cyrus left me a bit disappointed… not in his character overall but in his actions. he had good intentions but took cyno away from his origins, denied him answers when cyno asked (cyno said he asked many times about hermanubis and the temple and cyrus always avoided answering him) and since cyno suffered under hermanubis it would’ve been his right to know where it stems from since he couldn’t recall… cyrus probably did it to protect him but he cut cyno off from his culture and people. Bamoun and cyrus owe cyno and sethos a lot in my honest opinion and cyrus still kept avoiding answering cyno at the end of his quest (cyno even calls this out) which just shows me he didn’t learn anything at all from the events.

he also had the option to try and reach out to cyno’s biological parents because they might’ve given him away to provide a better life for him (but I have to say as a middle easterner I’m tired of this poor parents give their children away etc etc narrative we had the same with collei)

cyrus also didn’t feel responsible enough for sethos after taking everything away from him or even leaving him behind back then even he knew it’s bad for him.

cyno and sethos both suffered under the actions of cyrus and bamoun and deserve so so much better cyno is a perfect example of ethnic children being taken in by white people and having their cultures and roots taken away from them. not to mention we know that cyno did maybe have a better life in the akademiya but he was still surveilled and treated like a lab rat and discriminated and isolated until he met tighnari

sorry for this little rant. I still appreciate everything cyrus did for cyno but I think this is also an important part of his very flawed character and ideals. in the end of the quest it even felt like he was manipulating cyno by showing him the photos which he “miraculously” found again showing him “look who raised and took you in”

Sorry I just saw this! First, please never apologize for sending me long asks, I love them! Also congratulations anon, I successfully had to log onto tumblr on my PC to type out this response lol. This is... very long, longer than your ask. I'm so sorry, this is the first post I've made with my thoughts on the quest, so it's going to be a bit of a ramble in return and probably not totally coherent.

Okay, so, full disclosure, I am super white. I mean I look like Barbie sort of white. That means that I don't think I can have any constructive input on the trope (arguably cliché) of middle eastern and BIPOC+Asian characters giving away (or selling, in Cyno's case) their children, so I will definitely defer to your discomfort with the concept. It's definitely a pervasive trope (see: Collei, Dehya, Cyno) and not just in Genshin Impact. It's something that is absolutely worth bringing up and thinking about, and I bet most people didn't even consider it, so thank you for voicing it as something you've noticed! Because of this, I don't feel comfortable talking about whether or not Cyrus should have looked for Cyno's parents, because it's very wrapped up in the narrative vs the damage of the trope, which has a lot to dissect and would be better done by somebody more educated.

As for the quest, I think I've gotta split this into two parts to have my thoughts make sense. God this is so long.

-

First, as a basis, the whole thing with Hermanubis is actually so fucked up from the start even before we can get to Cyrus and Cyno. I mean Hermanubis was an advisor to King Deshret, right? (Also that was two-thousand years ago, but he only died five-hundred years ago? Did I misunderstand that? Was he immortal? The timeline in this game could use an entirely different post because between Cyno and the Hearth kids it makes zero sense, but ANYWAYS-). Presumably, having witnessed this, Hermanubis knows the danger of Forbidden Knowledge and fucking with things that should not be fucked with.

After the fall of Tulaytullah, the Temple of Silence moved to the rain forest but left due to corruption, right? So you'd think they would have agreed on the basic Cardinal Sins of the Akademiya. But now, four hundred years later, the Temple of Silence's attempt to ressurect Hermanubis breaks at least one of those sins (tampering with life and death), and arguably two more (interfering with human evolution and/or attempting the forbidden and fearing none.) I really can't imagine Hermanubis would be happy with their actions. This is like the Akademiya trying to ressurect Rukkadevata (and boy do I have a fic I want to write that digs into those parallels of Cyno and Nahida.)

The very basis for the experiment they did on Sethos and Cyno is so unethical and corrupt. This killed adults so they thought, hey! It's not going to kill the children, right? Lets do it on them despite the negative effects (headaches and fevers). Bamoun's children even volunteered Sethos, which, again, is so fucked up.

Narratively, the quest didn't focus on this at all. It was never framed as something negative or messed up like you'd think it would be? I imagine it's because they didn't want to paint Bamoun and Cyrus as bad people or Sethos as indoctrinated. (What's interesting to me is how differently some situation are treated vs others in different quests. Arguably, Wriothesley, Arlecchino, and Cyno have parts in common that are condemned to totally different extents depending on the character, but that could be it's own post too).

We can talk about Cyrus taking Cyno and whether or not that was a good decision (removing children from their culture is never a good thing but we'll get to that) but we also can't really get into it without first talking about how the entire thing was absolutely horrid and wrong from the start. We're starting the conversation about Cyrus from a remarkably low place.

Okay, onto Cyrus and the quest. I actually think it's okay that Cyrus is a flawed character. We already knew he was super strict when he was teaching Lisa and Cyno, and we knew he was into some unethical shit since we already knew he was part of the experiments on Cyno, albeit not to this extent. (Also Naphis knows all about this so what does that say about him? All the Sages are so sus, but, I mean, isn't that just government?)

Here's the thick of it. Was Cyrus taking Cyno to the rain forest a good decision? I don't know. We just don't know enough about why he left and took Cyno. The quest didn't frame the action one way or the other, nor did it give the reasons he left or Bamoun didn't go after him.

There's generally three ways to frame this. 1. Cyrus was a saviour for taking Cyno from an abusive environment. 2. Cyrus was awful and stole Cyno's power for himself. I don't think either of these make sense, since in either case, I think Bamoun would have gone after them. I think most likely is 3. There were conflicting needs.

The one I'm leaning towards right now is that The Temple of Silence was desperate and willing to push harder than they should, even if it was going to harm the children, so as an outsider with a different perspective and more objectivity, Cyrus stopped the experiment. He knew Sethos wasn't at risk of being harmed nearly as much as Cyno because Sethos had a family there already looking out for him. Cyno didn't. People care less about a child who isn't part of their community vs one who is. So he took the child who was far more likely to be harmed, and left. Taking Sethos would have been even worse than just taking Cyno, imo, since it would be taking Sethos away from his family, whereas Cyno was already taken from his family. Bamoun realized the same thing in hindsight, which is why he let Cyrus and Cyno go. But again, that's just a headcanon about what happened.

As for the rest of the problem. While as previously mentioned, I'm very white, I'm also Canadian (I promise this is relevant). A bit of Canadian history here for those who might not know, Canada once had something called Residential Schools. These were boarding school for indigenous children who were forcibly taken from their parents to be "educated." There was a lot of abuses in them and I cannot over represent the amount of damage it has done to the indigenous peoples of Canada and the country as a whole, but the main reason I bring it up here is because of the way the government tried to kill indigenous culture through their children. While I don't think this was Cyrus' intent at all, it is a real world example very close to my heart of the damage it does to children to be cut off from their cultures. We see it in fostering and adopting children as well. Indigenous foster children are best kept with indigenous foster families when at all possible. Foster parents are told to try their best to keep their foster children connected to their cultures in the home but that isn't always achieved, nor is there always even an effort made. Mixed race families often practice both cultures with their children because know how important it is.

The fact that Cyno was completely cut off from the desert is wrong, and it would have been very difficult for him to face the discrimination for being a race that he has no cultural connection to. It's something Cyrus absolutely should have done more about. I mean The Corps of Thirty are eremites even if they aren't from the desert! Cyrus could have reached out to them on Cyno's behalf to introduce him to people who share cultural aspects (young!Dehya and Cyno friendship anyone?). He could have taken Cyno to Aaru Village (young Candace and Cyno friendship?) or at least spent time in Caravan Ribat. The only reasons I can think he didn't is because he was trying to keep Cyno away from the Temple of Silence out of fear they'd come after him (well intentioned but still harmful), he didn't think about it (obliviously harmful), he didn't have the time (willfully neglectful).

Cyrus also absolutely should have told Cyno about The Temple of Silence and Hermanubis, especially when he got a little older (although I'm for raising children with that sort of knowledge. Secrets only hurt later). Assume best intentions, he was pprobably trying to protect Cyno, maybe because he wanted Cyno to find his own path instead of the one the Temple of Silence laid out for him, but I still think that was a mistake to keep it a secret.

Cyrus is a very flawed person, but so are a lot of parents. That doesn't mean that his actions were right or justified, but it does make him an interesting character. It also makes his relationship with Cyno interesting. Canonically, Cyno isn't angry. He's already struggled and come to terms with who he is and what his power means, but I still think he and Cyrus need to sit down and have a long conversation. Cyno deserves answers about Cyrus' motives and decisions and they need to talk about Cyrus trying to protect Cyno vs Cyno not needing that protection, ways Cyrus should have acted differently, etc. I'd love to see somebody explore it; it would be interesting to see since it's definitely overdue, but I don't think I could do it justice.

I don't think it's wrong of Cyno to forgive Cyrus. We as the outside observer can say, "whoa, that's fucked up," but I don't think Cyno is necessarily wrong in how he feels. Like I said, he's already dealt with a lot of this already and is remarkably resilient. I think the hardest part of all this for Cyno would probably be Sethos, because that's definitely going to be a ton of messy emotions, but that doesn't have to reflect on Cyrus. It could, of course, and if somebody wanted to write Cyno as being angry and fracturing their relationship, that would be a valid way to go, but like, idk, I know a lot of people who made really bad decisions when raising their kids, and their kids still forgave them. Not always, and being a parent doesn't mean somebody deserves forgiveness for their mistakes, but I think it shows how resilient Cyno is that he bounces back from this so well. It shows his strength in his how convictions and beliefs, which is really interesting when compared to characters like Sethos and Kaeya (and man are there a lot of similarities between Cyno and Kaeya).

I also don't think finding those photos was intended to be Cyrus manipulating Cyno, but I can see how it feels that way. Since the quest was about Cyno, it felt like a nice narrative way to tie it together by reflecting on Cyno's childhood with Cyrus, but I think it really depends on how you view the entire situation and whether you think Cyrus should have taken Cyno. It's definitely a valid take and something that's okay to feel uncomfortable about.

This is where people might disagree with me, but Cyno grew up loved. He had a lot of challenges and Cyrus made a lot of mistakes, and love doesn't fix how fucked up it all is (lots of adopted kids are loved and still hurt by not having a connection to their culture), but Cyno has already accepted all of this and ultimately, he has forgiven Cyrus for his mistakes. I think that's what the photos were trying to depict.

To me, the entire quest does a very good job of using Cyno and Sethos as foils of each other. They're both paying for the decisions of the people who raised them, and neither are right or wrong, just different. It shows Cyno's growth as a person vs Sethos who hasn't yet found his way. It shows that neither Cyrus or Bamuon made the right decisions, nor were they evil people. They were doing the best they could at the time, and they both fucked up, and now it's up to Sethos and Cyno to figure it out, but they both still love their family despite whatever mistakes were made.

I hope this rambling essay length response is satisfying lol

[farfromstrange]

I made it back from my little comic con getaway! I’m semi-alive.

I come bearing pics (though not as many as I would’ve liked). So, I’ll put them under the cut for those of you who want to see them. Anyone else, feel free to keep scrolling. This is just me rambling. And showing off my cosplay and Daredevil merch I bought. With a lot of text. Sorry.

I didn’t have the time to take a pic of my Day One Matt Cosplay, but I do have pics from the test run I did a couple of days back.

(I didn’t have the time to put on the fake blood on Saturday, but that was kind of how I wanted it to look when I first tried it on, minus the added blood on the nose, that was just a stupid attempt at making it look more… gore-y? I think. I don’t know. My brain is tired and I’m just typing this on my phone and I don’t have the brain cells to form a coherent thought.)

Anyway, the first two is a (kind of) look at how I looked at the con on Saturday. It was a very slutty version of lawyer!Matt and the Season 1 promo poster. I tried. Also, I have no idea how to take proper pictures of myself. I apologize 😭

NOW moving on to my look on Day Two (today). That was a lot easier because I already had the sweater, and there was no way I wouldn’t pull up in the iconic “I’m Not Daredevil” Comic!Matt look. It was the obvious choice.

(Excuse the crusty-ass hotel selfie quality.)

I really enjoyed dressing up, and I think I might invest even more time and money for next year and go all out. As much as I can, anyway.

It was fun, but it was definitely different than last year. A lot less crowded, too. I still think it was amazing and I’ve loved seeing everyone dress up as their favorite characters and just feel welcome because everyone was there for the same reason. That’s why I love these conventions so much. It really is a judgement free zone.

And there is always a lot of shopping, which I did. I secured a lot of goods, and of course, I am going to share them with you now.

I got this amazing Elektra Funko.

AND THIS?!?! I FUCKING LOVE IT!!

And the girl selling this was so excited someone finally bought one of her Matt prints, we both geeked out. I still can’t believe I found this.

And then I got these pins…

AND THIS AMAZING GINORMOUS SWEATER/HOODIE/BLANKET

And a Barbie poster (It says “Hi Barbie” but I was too lazy to unroll it completely)

Overall, I think I found some amazing stuff! I just had to share it with you.

Can’t wait for spring next year, honestly.

[klebald]

is sire not an appropriate title for you? I apologize greatly if so, I can think of many more titles. I would like to compliment you once again, I enjoy scrolling through your blog. I think your mind works similarly to mine, though not exact because let’s face it nothing is ever the same. I find it hard to understand or even enjoy other people, even online presences tick me off. Yet you oddly drag me in, I would like to dissect your brain, to figure out how we’re similar and how we’re different. I hope that doesn’t come off as odd, more endearing I hope, a compliment even.

-🪖

I suppose that sire does work, it was moreso that I was less expecting to happen as a royal here, not in any way am I implying that I mind my newfound status. Continue as you will in calling me that! I feel very special. Heheh. To return your compliment, I enjoy reading through the asks that you have sent me so far. You seem like a pleasant individual to speak with, and you present yourself well. I am glad that you enjoy scrolling through my blog, you are very deserving of my appreciation, I will have plenty to post on here. Thank you. Judging the little I have seen of your mannerisms, I may concede that we are quite similar in our ways of thinking, yes. With the little to nothing there is that is the same, do we still find ourselves with similar thought processes, most particularly on enjoyment of interaction. People are incredibly difficult to socialize myself to and find it pleasurable, I tend to have to force myself, however, typing this feels natural as the words come to me. That is a good sign. I do not find it odd, if you are so compelled by me, I find that delightful. You seem to be a stranger trustworthy enough I may just let you dissect my brain, look at the ins and outs and make your comparisons between us two from there. On the condition that you tell me what you find, that is, because I am equally as curious, and perhaps let me do the same to you so I can take a firsthand examination of my findings surrounding you. Any example will do. I need to observe the mind of anybody I see myself relating to, you being no exception, 🪖 anon. It is rather endearing to me. I apologize if this makes little sense, I am rather tired as I type this, and I am struggling significantly with maintaining coherency.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey! On your poll I was going back and forth between yes and secret third thing BECAUSE I do think Izzy displays homophobia in the show. However, I interpret the incident you referred to as mostly misogyny i.e. that "real men don't show feelings." I think the derogatory words and actions towards Lucius and Stede are way more homophobic, but they're connected for sure.

I think the emphasis on boyfriend is making fun of him for being emotional that a man he loves isn't there and he wanted to remind him that (to Ed's understanding) Stede didn't care enough.

Tldr - izzy is homophobic for reasons outside of this scene, but his gorilla grip on societal standards of men bleed into his view of queer men, especially those who aren't "masc" enough for him

anon my beloved i must apologize in advance bc i had a very weird and emotionally draining day today and i am very tired right now. so i don’t know that this is going to be coherent. but also i like this ask and i want to say words about it before that poll expires tomorrow so i’m just gonna slap some shit together here and hope it makes sense

so first thing’s first, i definitely agree that izzy does homophobia all over the show. the reason i picked out this scene and that line specifically is because imo “pining for his boyfriend” literally sounds like a dumb middle school boy bullying his classmates on the playground. which is to say that it sounds like the most simple-minded homophobic taunt in the world. like i always think abt this scene in the last season of the magnus archives when the main character and his boyfriend roll up to some dumb meathead bully type who goes “who’s this, your boyfriend?” and the whole fandom was like “wow i can’t believe this guy is homophobic.” bc even if the bully is literally correct and the guy is actually his boyfriend, saying “boyfriend” in that tone is saying “boyfriend” like it’s an insult. which, clearly, is homophobic.

so yeah mocking ed for the pining bit is kinda more on the “boys don’t cry” misogyny side of things like you said, but the way izzy tilts his head and draws out the first vowel in “booooyfriend” to me reads like the single most straightforward and undeniable instance of izzy being homophobic in the entire show. bc even if (and this is a big if) izzy doesn’t actually care abt ed having a boyfriend and is just trying to goad ed into being blackbeard again bc izzy needs blackbeard to feel safe, the way izzy is choosing to go about bullying ed into being blackbeard again is through grade school level homophobic taunting.

however you are not wrong that there is also misogyny going on in that scene. and that is because these things are all so deeply intertwined it’s impossible to say where one ends and where the other begins. and this is where i don’t think i’m going to be able to maintain coherency lol but i’m gonna do my best!!!

like the thing with homophobia is that at it’s core, it’s about men not doing gender right. bc gender roles in western society are a fucking shitshow and the expectations for how men and women are supposed to behave extend into every facet of people’s lives. like we all know the basic “boys don’t cry, women are caretakers, men are tough and macho, women are soft, men are hard, etc etc” stuff. but one of the biggest areas where society has strict expectations of how men and women should behave is about sexuality.

men are expected to be attracted to women, obviously. but also men are often expected to be overtly sexual. having a high sex drive is tied to many guys’s concept of their own masculinity and their sense of personal identity. like this should feel like common knowledge right, the idea that some guys build their identity around “getting bitches” or whatever?

(the societal expectations for women and sexuality are a whole other shitshow that people have written entire essays and articles and books on, but im not gonna get into that here bc we’re talking abt ofmd, and this show is focusing on challenging society’s ideas about what it means to be a man)

the other thing with gender roles, and with male gender roles specifically. is that of the two genders that western society has expectations for, manhood is seen as superior. so when a guy is unable to perform masculinity to society’s standards, he is seen as less than a man. and what’s less than a man?

a woman.

men who fail to adhere to a certain expectation of masculinity are insulted by being likened to women. it’s why guys will literally say “don’t be such a girl about it” when another guy gets emotional about something. hell, it happens to stede in the show!! calico jack calls him “the big gal,” the british describe him as “a heavyset woman in a silk dressing gown.” stede is someone whose gender presentation does not match what is expected of him At All, from his clothes to his crying to his picking flowers to just his mannerisms and how he is. and stede has faced constant ridicule because of this.

so like. it all gets real tangled together. and a lot of the time it’s hard to say which is “more” present, homophobia or misogyny. insulting a man by calling him gay, insulting a man by comparing him to a woman, those things go hand in hand. having a gorilla grip worldview on how men “should” behave leads people to policing how men, both cishet and queer, perform gender and experience attraction.

so like, izzy’s general vibe of not caring if ed has gay sex, but absolutely caring if ed bottoms during that sex and caring if ed actually falls in love and cares about a man? that concept of masculinity, which calico jack is also shown to adhere to? homophobic. just like how his treatment of stede and lucius for being “less masculine” is homophobic.

[battleforselfshipisland]

eughh.. citrus scented ink slopp.. for context its the ship name for me and oj!! my s/i is an inkwell so its kinda cutie ig. I made that up on the spot though so there may be other choices?? idk. another idea was acidic or acid ink because I think orange juice can taste acidic. I might go with acid ink it sounds badass so about them. Inkwell isn't very fleshed out in terms of backstory yet but I think they'd be created by mephone4 to help around the hotel. not that he cares about OJ its just that all his former contestants live their and why not have someone to help out. so Inkwell just shows up one day going "hey you need a janitor" and OJ is like "oh why not! come on in!" and then it goes from there inkwell is a big ol suckup for OJ and will kind of let him just drag it around wherever he wants. it really dgaf. honestly at first I dont think OJ would care much for inkwell, ordering them around to do menial things he doesn't feel like doing. but slowly the two warm up to each other and then they kiss or smthn idk yet apologies for the incoherent yap sesh I had to get all of this out of my brain. will probably do smthn identical embarrassingly soon. also s/i uses they/it if you havent noticed -🍊anon (P.S give me ship name ideas)

ITS OK this blog was made for people to yap.

i luv your s/i and its dynamic w oj slready actually. the silliez.... sorry i am very tired and not coherent

i do like acidic ink as a ship name, idk if i can think of any other ideas... FOLLOWERS ASSEMBLE

[sunstranded]

INTJ: Deleting Messages

I find it more efficient to delete messages rather than say "nevermind". It has less confusion. It's cleaner. It's faster. However, I realize a lot would disagree.

I tend to delete messages. It's not out of secrecy; it's not out of anything else people overthink about. I just imagine it as if I were typing and I spam backspace. I just either found a better string of words to say my meaning or I found it no longer relevant to say.

However I was told that it's weird to do that and only people that are hiding something would do so. I mean, I am sparing people my messy mistakes. I have a lot to hide mostly because I hate it when people are all up in my business. But every word I speak is designed to deliver a message.

I find it annoying because I'd rather suffer the repercussions than stop deleting messages. I might start apologizing if I had bothered someone but goodness I need to delete a clear mistake unless there is relevance for my mistake. It takes space for no reason.

I really don't want nor need to fit into this texting decorum people have. I was accused by xxxPs and several xxFJs that I type drier than their old relatives. The feature of instant messaging and being allowed to draft your words before sending them is best utilized if you are coherent, cohesive, and brief with what you deliver. I hate receiving a bombardment, a rapid fire of notifications only to get "how did you sleep?" Obviously, I answered my INFP friend truthfully: with both my eyes closed and neatly burrito-wrapped by my blanket in the lightless night. If they had asked me that once without the barrage of "heys," emojis, and "I miss yous" I would've answered the same way without suffering a dissonant staccato of dings.

Besides, if they really missed me, they could've called or scheduled a time to hang out. Except they don't. My ENTP friend had already labeled and recognized irregularities and cues in my texting. She knows when I am lethargic, busy, or even sensing something is utterly wrong. When I am tired, I forget to simplify my wording. When I am busy I send voice mails. When she senses that something is utterly wrong, it is when I start using emojis. The most annoying thing with her analysis is that its correct and I feel like I am the butt of the joke. At least I'm comically consistent. Typing this had made it feel unreal, honestly.

This is possibly an inane introvert and thinker problem or an INTJ thing. Or just a me thing. Oh well. I'm still going to be very dry and will delete messages.

[catacini]

i'll be the first to say wuthering heights could have benefited from another go round with an editor, or maybe some more time clarifying themes or what have you. but it's a very good book, and "for its time" it really surprised me. heathcliff's whole deal is that he's adopted into an upper middle class white family while definitely not considered white by those around him.

the book talks a lot about how some people are defensive of him as a kid while others are especially harsh, and kids who don't understand the reasons for those reactions grow bitter towards him for taking dad's attention away and angering mom. then there's catherine, who only sees him as a new friend, a best friend, and very honestly doesn't register any difference between them. and she's the one he forms a bond with.

but because she never really understood what he was up against in a coherent way, she doesn't know [how] to fight for him in the wider world. the earnshaws have brown hair, and catherine gets pulled into the linton family who are all blonde with blue eyes, and also are financially better off than the earnshaws. they looove catherine, but they're even more racist towards heathcliff, and cathy's approach ends up being to split her behavior depending on who she's with. this frustrates the lintons and breaks heathcliff's heart, because he thought they were a pair (so did she) but she has the power to simply step out of the line of fire directed at him, and she does so. now, according to her, part of her intention in marrying linton was to steal his money and buy heathcliff the respect he deserved, but that was never adequately communicated (nor was it "right") and then it was too late.

most movies only adapt the first half of the book, because that's ~the love story~ and then skip to the end where her ghost steals him away to walk with her forevermore. i respect this, as it's a long book, but i am very fond of the second half of the story as an exploration of a very understandably bitter man going out of his way to destroy the happiness of those around him out of spite. spite both for the actions of their forebears and spite for their banal naivety, remaining perpetually oblivious to aspects of the world that are perpetually leveraged against him. he gets his revenge. and at the end of the book, he finds happiness not through being compelled to apologize (he's not sorry) but by simply being too tired to care anymore, and relaxing his iron grip just long enough for happiness to slip into the house again. with happiness comes catherine's ghost, and he is free.

what really matters, though, is that heathcliff is an incredibly smart man, smarter than anyone else in the book, and extremely vindictive towards people that reduce him to being a stupid brute just because he's not white and has a large frame. the entire book happens the way it does because of the way he's treated. "his behavior isn't justified, but he's acting this way for a reason, and they're all blind to it." he's not an idiot. he's patient and calculating and relentless.

^ why i am principally opposed to playing l1mbus c0mp4ny

[carcinocorpse]

ok listen. Welcome Home(stuck) brought to you by: sleep deprived autism brain

apologies in advance if this is Not Coherent I am very tired

Wally would be a purple blood . look at him. he's so silly also purple bloods are usually Very Large and Wally is like 12 apples tall and the image of tiny pompadour juggalo is very silly to me

Barnaby is purple too he is literally The Silly Guy Ever i don't need more reasoning

coming as a surprise to no one at all Julie is an olive blood she literally has Nepeta's horns what do you want from me

I'm torn between making Frank a bronze or violet blood bronze because of his love for butterflies if he could communicate with them i think he would be so happy but also violet just. fits? sort of? i literally can not explain why

I genuinely have no idea what to give Eddie everything could fit but also nothing fits help m

I think Howdy should be indigo w/ a mutation of a second pair of arms . with all the stuff he has to carry around for his shop he has to be Very Strong or he could be cerulean with his arms and legs both doubled cuz then he still has 8 limbs and. yea

Sally is probably a gold blood I think she would be powerful enough to vaporize a man but only use her psionics to for Entertainment Purposes

you might think since Poppy is like the Mom Figure of the neighborhood she would be a jade but no. she's fuchsia. she deserves POWER but also shes too nice

[courtney-deserved-better]

Please do Chase and Emma for the character bingo, I need your thoughts

man chase is such a asshole and emma should NOT have taken him back, like, twice after the shit he pulled. but i do find him entertaining. like a love to hate him kinda thing yknow? i do think his personality is really interesting because he can read as a nice normal guy and then something comes up and you're like OH this dude sucks actually. i think the writers did a good job with his character in that they did a great job of making him awful while still understanding why emma dated him.

emma is at her peak in the first half of the season when she's trying to murder chase and being besties with bowie. that emma i love. when she gets back with chase multiple times and turns on bowie? not so much. HOWEVER i (unlike what i've seen from other people) do think it makes sense why she gets back together with chase. its more emphasized with chase but she too was a part of that youtube house and doing crazy stunts for fame. she's definitely right to be angry with chase and i think the righteousness of her anger sort of hides the fact that she too has been impacted by going viral and whatnot. im struggling to find the right words but when i heard chase and emma's backstory it reminded me of this article which is. certainly something. while emma is nowhere near as narcissistic and awful as chase, and has definitely been a victim of his, she is also self centered and considering her backstory that makes sense. she wants so badly to hear an apology from chase and to have him put her first that she's willing to assume his actions are to cater to that need. she spends a lot of time complaining about chase to bowie but when her feelings on chase change on a dime, she assumes that bowie's feelings must match hers or otherwise he's against her, when in fact he's making very reasonable decisions based on past experience. i have a lot of thoughts on emma's characterization that i tragically am too tired to be coherent about right now but hopefully i will be able to post a better analysis in the future. again, i VERY much enjoy emma before she got back with chase, but i do think her behavior afterward isn't totally unreasonable considering her character. she turned on bowie due to her self centeredness but she is still a victim of chase's narcissm.

[onekisstotakewithme]

for the writing meme, i'd love director's commentary on as much of the last section of "Beautiful to Take a Chance" as you'd like to provide! that's one of my favorite of your fics

I didn't know! Good old "Beautiful to Take a Chance," I'd be glad to offer director's commentary on this story 💜

Apologies in advance if this is like, less than coherent, the story is four years old... 😅

(but to spare everyone else, I'll do it under a read more)

Okay so it's obviously just a basic 5+1 structure, and this is actually a fic I don't think about very often! 😅

It starts with snuggling because I'm a soft-ass bitch at heart.

There are actually more parts to this universe, backstory pieces that demonstrate how Hawkeye has come to be this way (involving Carlye, primarily, and how she's the root of some of his insecurities.)

“Where do you get off always telling me I’m…” He chokes on the word. “Is that supposed to be funny? Cause if you look closely you may notice I am expressing zero mirth.”

This part particularly - Hawkeye doesn't believe he's beautiful. The whole story is kind of inspired by Alan being mildly self-conscious, and by Hawkeye not looking like a conventional "hero".

“See, there you go again!” Hawk says. “Look, pal, I’ve looked in the mirror a handful of times in my life, and I can tell you, it’s never Gene Kelly looking back at me.”

Why did I pick Gene Kelly? Because at the time I was mildly obsessed with Singin in the Rain. Although, personally, I prefer Donald O'Connor.

ANYWAY EVERYONE SHOULD TELL HAWKEYE HE'S PRETTY.

“Well why didn’t you lead in with that?” Hawk asks, certain he’s bright red by now. “I’d have believed you much sooner if you’d brought up sex.”

Don't you love when he says something upsetting and means it? I do. But like Hawkeye reducing himself to a tired old lech (this is particularly on my mind at the moment having watched That's Show Biz the other night. Hawkeye ties his worth to being good in bed.

Idiot.

“Too long nose. Too many limbs that are too long and gangly. I look like a stick insect. The wrong face.” Hawk gestures to himself. “Extra fat in the wrong places and skinny everywhere else. A small cock.”

And here's where i confess something: i don't like that last line. At the time I wrote this, the server I was in LOVED Hawkeye having a small cock and I kind of ran with that based on their influence. On my own merits, I wouldn't have written that because it feels cliche to me, a way of making him the "woman" in his and BJ's relationships. So anyway, this is an average Hawk cock truther blog.

“Yeah,” Hawk says. “In the same way Igor is a gourmet chef.”

On your left, you'll see me never missing the chance to take a jab at Igor, who I irrationally dislike.

“Shush.” BJ says, giving Hawk a searching look. “Your face is just right, dummy. Maybe your nose is long, but it gives you character that Gene Kelly could only dream of. Skinny arms and legs, so what? The food’s bad and you happen to be tall. I’ve heard women - and men - like that.”

Someone commented this on the fic i believe - and I agree wholeheartedly - that it's important that BJ doesn't dismiss how Hawkeye feels. He acknowledges those feelings and then proceeds to say that he loves them. That matters to me at least (also my nose is slightly too big so <3 )

“No,” BJ murmurs. “It’s the curve of your ear, and the silver in your hair, and the scar you have from falling off your bike when you were six, and the blue of your eyes and the scar on your lip… you’re beautiful, Hawkeye.”

I'm quite proud of this line! (most of the time I look back at older writing and go 'ehhh what's so special about it' but this line...)

anywayyyy I love them. Thank you!

[thestuffieguardian]

Hii, how are you? First of all, I would like to apologize for the length of this message and for any mistakes, as English is not my native language. I understand written English very well, but I have difficulty writing by myself, so I always use translators to communicate with you. No matter how hard I try, sometimes it seems that certain things don’t sound as good as I intended. However, I will do my best. Well, here we go. You don’t have to respond to this, because I really don’t expect a reply, and I don’t want to show off to the other people who follow you. I just wanted to share a few things because, for some reason, I felt compelled to say them. I hope to communicate in a way that reaches you correctly. I’m sending this anonymously because I don’t want credit for it; I just want to express a few thoughts with the intention of warming your heart, just as you do for us every day. I genuinely felt the need to tell you how much I appreciate what you do for us. I often feel lonely and lost. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years, and Tumblr has served as an outlet for me—essentially, a personal journal. It’s a place where I could be myself for 13 years! Haha, yes, that’s a long time; I’ve been here since I was a teenager. Even though I felt good expressing myself here, it was just that: a personal journal. Recently, however, I found your blog, and something inside me changed. These days, I can honestly say that you make me feel better. You’ve shown me that there are more people like me out there and that there are good people in the world—not just those who want to use or deceive you. I’ve noticed you’ve had some tough days recently, and I just wanted to say that I understand how overwhelming and exhausting those days can be. I understand how cruel the world can be at times and how exhausting people can be. But I want to express my gratitude—to God, Mother Nature, the Greek Gods, the Universe, or whatever it is that governs this existence. I am thankful to have found your blog, and although I only know a small part of you, that small part is enough for me to be grateful for your existence! I have already mentioned in another message how happy I am to know you exist, as it gives me hope that the love of my life is out there somewhere. I apologize if I’ve gotten a bit lost in my thoughts and if I sound confused. I tend to overthink and struggle to articulate everything that’s on my mind coherently. :( Anyway, I just thought it was important to tell you how much I appreciate your existence on this chaotic planet. Thanks to you, I feel understood and hopeful for better days and better loves. I used to feel stupid for believing in love, for expecting someone to look beyond me, to see my soul, to love every little broken and tired part of me. My past “loves” weren’t good for me, but your perspective on love has shown me that I’m not foolish; I just haven’t met the right person yet. So, thank you. I will never stop hoping. I also wanted to thank you for reading, I know my English isn't the best in the world, and I know you get a lot of thanks for reading. But I have a particularly important story (to me) with stories from my childhood.I thought I had buried it deep in my mind, but hearing you read brought it back. It wasn’t in a bad way; quite the opposite, actually. The first time I heard it, I cried with all my heart because my younger self felt welcomed and cared for. I’m grateful for the moments of comfort and affection you provide for all of us sensitive broken girls. In conclusion (sorry again for the lengthy message and I'm sorry if I said anything wrong), thank you for taking the time to read this. You do much more than you realize. You touch and help the lives and hearts of many more people than you might think. I’ve told you before that you are important, and I stand by that. You are important to me. Thank you for caring for my wounded soul, even without knowing that you are doing so.💜

This was absolutely beautiful. English not being your first language and you absolutely nailed it. If I could give you a grade it would be A++

This was so wonderfully put & you articulated everything absolutely gloriously. Everyone needs to read this. I don't think you're showing off to anyone at all. I think your thoughts & feelings should be heard. Thank you for taking the time to write this, as it was an absolute delight taking the time to read it 💙

[spacedykez]

hi ^-^ so um i may be able 2 help. i know i just reblogged with a link but also i will explain it for anyone else who might be interested. you happen to be talking to the king of lifesteal propaganda posts (joking- lifestealblr is great at propaganda <3)

so! lifesteal as you may have heard is a pvp server where the premise (which you will very quickly get tired of hearing, by the way. they repeat it like all the time) is that when you die, you lose a heart off of your permanent health bar. now, the hearts system has been explained to death, but if you're just looking for a quick summary:

Dying loses a heart (So, if you had ten hearts and you die you are now at nine)

Killing another player gains a heart. This is why it's called life-steal. you steal their lives.

Once you lose all your hearts, you are off the server for good.*

*unless someone revives you which is a mechanic I am not explaining again so help me gods. click the blue link if you're looking for an explanation of that.

That's the basics!! Now, as for whether it's a streamed server or a youtube server- well, the answer is yes. There are a lot of members who don't stream (or don't stream Lifesteal content), instead making videos on the server. But there are also a lot of members (cough SUBZ cough) who mostly stream, and only make occasional videos. There's also some people who make videos, in theory, but really they're more streamers. Then there's Parrot, whose videos are mostly edited versions of his streams.

As for how to watch it- go here it will tell you everything you need to know. Also, feel free to pop into my inbox for questions, also i can direct you to good lifesteal blogs & explain more about the server if you want.

And now! Are there catboys? Oh, boy are there. Every member of this server is a catboy, in fact.

[catboy edits courtesy of @/wisp-exe]

they r the silliest <3 they r sooooooo.

the first picture is ashswag. that's your adhd KING bow down to him. he has massive lag because of i don't even know why but he uses it to his advantage to become literally god. he tricked the server owner into letting him install a datapack that gave him god items. his videos are condensed adrenaline. theyre like catnip for adhd. you know that feeling you get from watching oli orionsound videos. yeah. ash has that. certified adhd kind. approved by my girlfriend (and no i will not stop mentioning them at all times i love xem and i take every chance to embarass xem <3 /aff)

the fourth picture is branzycraft and clownpierce and oh myg od. catboys extraordinaire and guys ever. clownpierce is a silly little guy literal killer clown who the entire server fears im not kidding. hes the best pvper on a server designed around pvp and he knows it. everybody knows it. and then there's branzy, who is a certified wet cat. he eats redston- SORRY. trying 2 stay MOSTLY coherent here. anyways. he's literally so bad at pvp on a server full of pvpers (hes MY little guy i can say this <33). but he is a cunning snake and he WILL betray u at every turn u can't trust him. he has the sexiest villain laugh.

sorry. as you can see. i am very very normal about them. anyways. the thing is that c!clown and c!branzy are very gay . and i mean they are EXPLICITLY roleplaying. cc!branzy is married. irl. and yet he consistently flirts with the clown. i could not make this up if i tried they literally canonically kiss. they make me so unwell <33 godbless <33

ANYWAYS. sorry for rambling on your post. please take this post as an apology

o dear people of tumblr, what is lifesteal . where is it. also is there a catboy in it?

[ingu]

i wonder if you can put forward some sort of argument for steve failing to be anti-imperial despite his best intentions simply due to the fact that his identity is built on so-called 'american values'

i mean steve rogers as a person has always been staunchly vigilante and anti-establishment in the sense that he doesn't want to be a soldier. he doesn't want to fight for anyone else's cause - he just doesn't like bullies. and when you position him as someone who has experienced first-hand how following someone else's 'better judgement' can lead to absolute disaster (a la SHIELD's corruption and the ensuing fallout), it makes sense that he would not want to surrender his personal agency when it comes to doing the 'right thing' to a bureaucracy he fundamentally doesn't trust

because the UN is ultimately a flawed political institution that affirms the power of superpowers such as Russia and America. Especially in relation to the security council, the power of veto allows any of its five permanent members to prevent the adoption of a resolution. the un is not an apolitical instituion. there can be a crisis going on anywhere in the world and in theory, all it takes is for American politicians to say 'nah we don't wanna act on this' and then the un's hands are tied. it is for this reason that the un has sometimes been accused of both being a tool and a victim of western imperialism, one which only really promotes peace and order when it supports the interests of major powers. especially in the case of the avengers, the decision makers holding power over them are referred to as a 'panel', which points to countless political agendas motivating who is appointed and why. this is the reality that steve rogers is rejecting, because political actors can't be trusted to be impartial when given the type of power superheroes can wield

and i think this is why he says 'the safest hands are our own', because it can be argued that the avengers, by virtue of being removed from politics, can be true apolitical actors. the avengers aren't diplomats invested in the bigger picture and state interests, they're people, individuals who are acting out of kindness and conscience, unburdened by political careers and bureaucratic authority. and i think that is what steve believes and trusts more. he trusts in working together with a team of apolitical individuals to make the right calls when it matters. he believes in a justice league, not an overwatch, if you will. 

on an individual level, cap's refusal is sort of well and good. because you dont want to trust an institution with an acknowledged history of ineffectiveness and lack of true impatiality with the incredible power that superheroes possess. because there is nothing to stop the avengers from being used as agents to further political interests instead of the humanitarian ones that steve rogers believes in. steve rogers is fighting to prevent the avengers from becoming an unwitting tool of imperialism (or an unwitting weapon of fascists, if we look toward SHIELD) because by now he knows so much better than to trust politics and bureauracy

and this is where his identity as captain america hinders him. (and i'd be curious to see if the russos decide to reference his comic stint as nomad at some stage). cap exists at a curious intersection where he supposedly represents the disadvantaged everyman fighting for what's right and embodies the distrust of authority as such. but also carries the burden of representing America, which as a state is neither disadvantaged nor lacks authority and power. his arguments are sound assuming it comes from an apolitical actor, but because of his history and his identity - his statements become inherently political.

i think the way you construct steve's resistance to the accords depends really on which identity you perceive he speaks for and from. steve rogers is perhaps an 'everyman' fighting against an oppressive power and another’s agenda. captain america, however, serves as a direct reflection of american imperialism in his apparent rejection of authority. steve rogers is not a state in himself, he is just a person trying to do the right thing. is it fair to attribute statehood to him and call his actions imperialistic? when he's a fictional character with his mantle and his history, there is definitely an argument for seeing it that way. yet in-universe? ...maybe not? 

tl;dr a reading of steve rogers as a person trying to ensure that the avengers’ interventions remain staunchly apolitical and thus ‘non-imperialist’ despite what political reality demands of these walking weapons of mass destruction - in that he wishes for the avengers to remain independent promoters of ‘human’ interests and not actors inadvertantly promoting state and political interests in the name of the ‘greater good’ - which they will most definitely become if they submit to the un accords as the un is infamous for being subject to the whims of dominating superpowers. this motivation is something which his own inherently political public identity as captain ‘america’ directly obfuscates and complicates.

(@eatingcroutons​ because you seem interested this particular topic?)

(Edit: for clarity and fixing some typos since people seem to be reblogging this?)

[harbouredsoulss]

Highly Suspicious | Aaron Hotchner | Chapter One 

There is no rhyme or reason for this gif I just wanted one with all the cast!

I've really enjoyed writing this, so I really hope you like it!

Please, please, please, don't hesitate to comment, like, and reblog 🥰

Pairings: Aaron Hotchner x OC [Josephine 'Jo' Andrews]

Summary: Please click here for a synopsis

Warnings: series overall will be 18+; fluff; friendship; first person pov

Just wanted to note that this is only the beginning of the story, therefore nothing super duper exciting is happening. We are just getting to know Miss Andrews and her relationship with the team.

ALSO: I don't typically write in first person mainly because I am more comfortable writing in 3rd person. So... I guess this is a bit of an apology if this is crap. You are probably wondering why I wrote in 1st person if I feel more comfortable in 3rd. The short answer is that the words came to me quicker in 1st than 3rd (for this particular story).... so 1st person POV is what I've chosen.

A03 link

Word Count: 2.6k words

Chapter One 

The sentiment at the end of each case was always the same. A forlorn feeling loitering like a sky ready to storm; if only we allowed.

Exhaustion lingered tight all over, behind my eyes, running up and around the muscle of my thighs; a reminder of where I’d been and what I’d had done. 

The pressure to compartmentalise and leave behind each job, preferably unscathed, wasn’t easy. Perhaps for some, but for others it left marks behind.

I had cushioned myself between Emily and the window of the Jet, nestling my head in the crook of her neck, watching the act of decompression at its finest. It was a game of cards, one in which I’d seen them play many times before, though I had never played.

I usually lacked the energy; more-so the patience, for the game. 

That and Reid was a genius who was very rarely beaten. I didn’t find myself to be a ready, worthy opponent. 

Instead, I watched whoever dared oppose him, which at that moment, was Emily, so I settled myself in as spectator. 

JJ sat across from me, her brows furrowed, tired eyes skimming the contents of the pages in front of her. I knew what she was doing. It was the same thing she always did on our travels home.

It was a habit, one in which I’d tried to help her break, yet couldn’t. 

Every case we took, on our journey there and back she reviewed the other cases; the ones put aside, deemed less of a priority. Although she tried her best to hide it, I knew she reviewed them throughout the cases we were on, keeping tabs on situations she felt certain would escalate. 

It was guilt that kept her in this cycle. Not that JJ had anything to feel guilty about. We couldn’t take on every case sent to her.  

“Everything okay?” I asked her, doing my best to stifle a yawn.  

She looked up, eyes meeting mine own, a soft sigh escaping her lips. I could see the heaviness of it all, the prominent lines adorning her forehead, the set of her jaw – she’d been clenching again – the strain was plain to see, and it worried me. 

“Fine,” she responded, stretching, moving her neck from side to side, her groans mirroring the sounds of her body moaning in protest, the stress fleeing her body, “I just wish there could be a day where I’d open one of these folders and find nothing. No requests. No deaths. No crimes. Nothing.”

A laugh, an all-knowing, weary laugh, one that lacked its usual vigour escaped my lips. 

“Wouldn’t that be lovely,” I retorted, “though we’d be out of a job. I wouldn’t even be mad.”

Tiredness leeched from me coherent words of comfort to add to the conversation, words that would offer JJ any kind of reassurance or comfort. I tried not to feel too guilty.

Instead, I nuzzled further into the warmth of the body beside me, offering a heavy sigh as a response, one that I hoped could convey my feelings of solidarity.  

The fatigue, the kind that often nestled its way deep into our very bones, grew stronger, a sting ever-present behind my eyes. I had known that it wouldn’t take too long for my body to give in, allowing the heaviness of the day to lift like fog and sleep to swallow me whole. 

I tried to resist, instead, I did my best to focus on the voices around me. 

I focused on Morgan first, studying him. His eyes were closed, body slumped peacefully in his seat, mind clearly captivated by the music streaming through his ears, lips humming its tune. 

Dave caught my attention next; I could hear his voice coming from further up the jet where I knew he’d be seeking refreshment. The time of day never a bother, he was always ready for caffeine. Distance unable to stop him, he still managed to interject himself into the heckling the card game had evoked. His own jabs adding fuel to the fire. 

“You know,” Emily piped up, eyes gleaning with mischief, “you could make this really interesting Rossi. If you joined us.”

“Emily, if I’m going to wager on anything, it won’t be with me playing, it will be on Reid winning.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped me, laughing harder still as my gaze fell to Reid, who sat before me, a smug smile on his lips, hands moving quickly as he shuffled their cards. 

“Hey now,” Emily protested, “have a little faith.” 

I clung to their teasing, finding comfort in their jabs and laughter, watching as Rossi, having finished making his beverage, stood behind Reid observing as he dealt the cards. 

There was something about these people – my family – that warmed me. If I thought too hard on it, I was sure to cry. Instead, I turned my attention outward – back to them and did my best to enjoy these moments – savour them. They won’t last forever.  

But for now, it would be enough. 

*

I was always mindful of the many eyes and ears within the small confines of the jet, aware that if I allowed myself a moment to linger too long on Hotch that I would open myself up to curious glances.  

Instead, I allowed myself mere moments to take in the sight of him. The line of his mouth was thin, eyes tired, ringed with the kind of darkness I could only fault as a lack of sleep. 

He did his best to appear relaxed, leg crossed against the other, hand fisting a crystal glass filled with what I hoped to be, for his sake more than my own, water. The other held his phone, the artificial light illuminating his face. 

There was no denying that something was eating at him. 

I had seen him with Jack, and understood that having had him made Hotch susceptible to the kind of feelings one would have after dealing with a case as gruesome as the one we left. 

Abuse was something I could never fathom. Let alone violence against children.

Time, a relative thing, one I could never quite track as well as I hoped, passed as I watched him. I hadn’t realised how much until I caught him quirking his lips to the side. 

He was smirking at me. 

I blushed, embarrassed at having been caught staring, the heat warming my cheeks.  

He offered a nod of the head, lips still quirked, eyes trained on mine. I matched his gaze, eyes lingering for a time. I willed him to see in mine that I saw him. That he was okay. This was okay. Embarrassment be damned. 

Feeling satisfied after a moment or two passed, I looked away, cataloguing the rest of the team, seeking comfort from their nearness, and allowed myself to slowly fall into a slumber. 

Their voices drifted off, growing ever so soft as I was called to sleep. It wasn’t unlike myself to fall asleep on the jet – any moving vehicle – head slumped against someone’s shoulder or resting gently against the windowpane. It was amusing to say the least, as I was always the first to fall. It was only a matter of guessing how long exactly it would take. 

It was a game the team often played, taking bets walking onto the tarmac, making their way towards the jet. A wager Rossi was happy to take. 

Scarcely, I won. I managed a victory or two on our shorter flights, though the vast majority I lost. My willpower not strong enough. 

Dreams, often plagued by vivid memories of the past, pulled me under without hesitation, feeding into my weariness. 

It was no surprise, after the week we had had, that this time my dreams decided to take me back to a time where things in life were steadier, clearer – less confusing. Where everything had begun. 

*

I was taken back to my first day as an Agent at the BAU. There were introductions being made between myself and Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, my new boss.

He had walked in with an air of self-possession one could only place as having come from such a tenured experience as a Senior Officer at the BAU.

We stood next to one another, Section Chief Strauss sitting comfortably behind her desk observing us both. 

The tension in my body was palpable, nerves ever present. I wiped my hands as discreetly as I could, behind my back. I kept them there, crossed behind me, a perfect excuse to hide the nails that had been chewed to the bit. 

Within that same memory, I could recall the ghost of a smile on Aaron’s face, arm extended ready to take his hand in mine own. It was a firm shake, one that reminded me of something my father had once told me. Something about being able to tell a lot about a person by the firmness in which they shake. 

All I could think – hope – at the time was that Agent Hotchner couldn’t feel how sweaty my palms were. 

He was polite throughout our formal greeting, seeming genuinely pleased to have me joining his team. 

“It’s great to have you,” he responded quickly after the general introductions had been made, eye contact never wavering, “we have great need of someone of your talents.” 

I was well aware that at that moment my face, and neck were flamed red. 

“Thank you,” I offered in reply, releasing my hand from his grip, maintaining my smile, “I can’t wait to get started.”

I was asked questions, from both Strauss and Hotchner, regarding my time in the counter terrorism unit. They paid compliments on the work they had reviewed, expressing confidence in my ability to tackle a new role at the BAU.  

Much of the conversation surrounded my accolades, traversing from the beginning of my career up until this point. Although I had already been hired for this new role, Strauss wanted to analyse my experiences. I believe this was more for my new boss’ benefit rather than my own. I was proud of my achievements but couldn’t help but feel self-conscious with the attention they were acquiring. 

It got to a point, thankfully, where the conversation grew stagnant, Strauss having had dissected as much of my work as she could, steered her attention to the paperwork on her desk, all but for a moment before turning it back to the male beside me. 

“Have you gotten a chance to read over the case I left on your desk?” 

“I’ve already gathered the team; we’ll be debriefing on the jet once we’re done here.” Agent Hotchner answered. 

Strauss nodded and looked to me, “I understand there has been no time to adapt to your surroundings, albeit that is the nature of the job. If you have no objections, I can clear you to start with the team today.” 

“You want me to start now?”

“Is that a problem?” 

“No Ma’am.”

The eagerness I tried to stifle all morning churned.  

I understood the nature of the job, having had worked in law enforcement and completing a stint in the counter terrorism unit. I was aware that both jobs were vastly different to that of working as a profiler. There were elements in each that overlapped one another, but this was different. I knew the nuisances of behavioural analysis; mode and method of it all.

My role was to look through the eyes of a criminal, to understand them – my own biases aside – to use that information to find and apprehend them.

“There is some paperwork that needs to be completed first,” Agent Hotchner spoke up, looking to Strauss before turning back to me, “but if you have a go-bag at the ready, I don’t see a problem with you completing it once we return.”

I knew what the implications were if things went wrong; but this was a chance to prove myself. 

They were both looking to me now, Strauss no longer seated. Both awaiting my answer.

I didn’t make them wait long.   

“It’s in my car,” I responded, stifling a smile, “I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect on my first day; I thought it would be safe to bring it just in case.”

That seemed to have settled things and brought our meeting to an end.

Strauss, not one for luck, wished me well and bid us goodbye. 

I followed Agent Hotchner out of the room and towards what I could only presume to be the teams meeting room. 

The convergence point, having been the round table, adorned with papers, tablets, folders, and the like. The chairs, seven of the eight, were already filled by the members of my new team. They were engrossed in the information being presented before them, eyes scanning the pages, and images of the case files.  

Agent Hotchner rapt his knuckle on the door garnering their attention. They looked up, leaning forward in their seats, interest piqued by what I could only assume was the addition of my presence.

“Everyone this is Agent Andrews,” he looked from his team, one by one, and brought his gaze back to me, face masked, giving nothing away, “She’ll be joining the team and starting on this case. We’ll be moving the briefing onto the jet. They’re needing us on the ground as soon as possible.”

I stood there, taking in the sight of my new team, watching as they had begun to clear up around them, readying to leave. 

They didn’t hesitate to acknowledge my presence with a chorus of welcome as they each rose from their seats and made their way to where I stood. 

I was first approached by a woman of small stature, her height adjusted by a pair of sparkly black chunky heels. 

“Penelope Garcia,” she offered me her hand to take, a dazzling smile lighting up her face, “welcome to the team!”

There was something comforting about her presence – something that gave off an iridescent kind of glow that emanated from her, enough to put me at ease.

Perhaps it was the way in which she chose to present herself, bright colours adorning all her clothes, and accessories. Soft tendrils of bleach blonde hair framing her face, bright blue eyes shielded by a pair of ruby red glasses. She was joy personified. 

Derek Morgan, and David Rossi were next, with Agent Rossi sure to stress his preference of being called Dave, followed by a laugh and a firm shake of his hand. Emily Prentiss followed quickly offering a quip on my getting used to the boisterous bunch, kindness radiating from her. Dr. Spencer Reid, had followed behind, the last in the room to introduce themself. He gave me a smile, one just as kind as the rest. 

Though I was quick to realise that we were missing someone. 

Agent Hotchner must have noted my puzzled expression, watching as I looked around the now empty room. He responded with a wry smile, “you’ll meet our Communications Liaison, Agent Jareau, on the Jet.” 

I smiled in response observing a strange feeling – one I couldn’t quite place – trickle through me as we stared at one another, his brown eyes piercing mine.

We didn’t stand there for very long, yet it was long enough to observe the energy that flowed between us. It was calming. 

I often found my superiors intimidating, especially those of the opposite sex. I didn’t allow that to impact my performance or stop myself from reaching new heights. I managed to make it this far in my career, I wouldn’t let my own insecurities or egotistical men get in my way. 

Therefore, it was an odd experience, the emotions that aired themselves freely as I stood there with him. Perplexing to say the least. 

That feeling, whatever it was, fizzled abruptly by the clearing of his throat. 

“We better get going.”

I gathered myself, mentally shaking my head. Time was of the essence and we were the only ones standing idly by in the conference room, the rest of the team already having left, making their way to the Jet. 

“Yes,” I breathed, voice low, “Sir.”

Taglist: @louderfortheback, @clarasmoon