#apartment ramblings

[seraphim-soulmate]

grrrrr looking for apartments is hell. brussels is so ridiculously tiny and im looking for housing in a very specific section of that, with very specific requirements and a pretty small budget.

im uncomfortable with one of my roommates, but that could still happen and actually be so much worse in a different colocation. i just don't like him because he's very loud (and targets me every 6 months for some inane bullshit), but actually most people just talk pretty loud. and most colocations expect you to interact with others a lot more than this one does. i don't want to be the shitty roommate who doesn't ever talk to anyone or hang out, but i just don't have that kind of social battery and i might fucking kill someone if i have to cook at the same time as them.

im straight up not going to find a place with the same rent that im at and considering that i have no idea how or what income ill be getting next year, it feels like a shit plan to move to a more expensive place (which is all the places).

it's honestly looking more and more like i should stay in this place, where i know the people and the rent is cheap. and yeah i might be on high alert often, and might get triggered often, but that could be so much worse in other places and it's really scary to potentially put myself into a worse situation. and im getting triggered bcs i have mental illness, i could fucking live alone and I'd still get triggered. so that feels like a shit reason to move. im sure it'd be better for my mental health if i had a living room to hang out in and had more space, but i don't think that's worth 100€+ more than what I'm paying and with the risk of people that are worse. i mean the people could also be better! and it's not really better/worse, it's just what's suited to my needs. and i don't know if there is any situation that's fully adapted to my needs tbh.

I'll still keep looking but my filter of negativity over the situation isn't helping. My gut reaction to most places I'm visiting is bad, and it's so much work to even get a visit in the first place, and then they tell you that you didn't get the room. I have a friend with a nice apartment that's becoming available, but the neighborhood is honestly nightmarish and gives me terrible vibes. and that's saying a lot considering where i currently live. so um ill never be satisfied but im trying to find a better place but that's really hard bcs of my all/nothing mentality.

[aethersea]

another thing fantasy writers should keep track of is how much of their worldbuilding is aesthetic-based. it's not unlike the sci-fi hardness scale, which measures how closely a story holds to known, real principles of science. The Martian is extremely hard sci-fi, with nearly every detail being grounded in realistic fact as we know it; Star Trek is extremely soft sci-fi, with a vaguely plausible "space travel and no resource scarcity" premise used as a foundation for the wildest ideas the writers' room could come up with. and much as Star Trek fuckin rules, there's nothing wrong with aesthetic-based fantasy worldbuilding!

(sidenote we're not calling this 'soft fantasy' bc there's already a hard/soft divide in fantasy: hard magic follows consistent rules, like "earthbenders can always and only bend earth", and soft magic follows vague rules that often just ~feel right~, like the Force. this frankly kinda maps, but I'm not talking about just the magic, I'm talking about the worldbuilding as a whole.

actually for the purposes of this post we're calling it grounded vs airy fantasy, bc that's succinct and sounds cool.)

a great example of grounded fantasy is Dungeon Meshi: the dungeon ecosystem is meticulously thought out, the plot is driven by the very realistic need to eat well while adventuring, the story touches on both social and psychological effects of the whole 'no one dies forever down here' situation, the list goes on. the worldbuilding wants to be engaged with on a mechanical level and it rewards that engagement.

deliberately airy fantasy is less common, because in a funny way it's much harder to do. people tend to like explanations. it takes skill to pull off "the world is this way because I said so." Narnia manages: these kids fall into a magic world through the back of a wardrobe, befriend talking beavers who drink tea, get weapons from Santa Claus, dance with Bacchus and his maenads, and sail to the edge of the world, without ever breaking suspension of disbelief. it works because every new thing that happens fits the vibes. it's all just vibes! engaging with the worldbuilding on a mechanical level wouldn't just be futile, it'd be missing the point entirely.

the reason I started off calling this aesthetic-based is that an airy story will usually lean hard on an existing aesthetic, ideally one that's widely known by the target audience. Lewis was drawing on fables, fairy tales, myths, children's stories, and the vague idea of ~medieval europe~ that is to this day our most generic fantasy setting. when a prince falls in love with a fallen star, when there are giants who welcome lost children warmly and fatten them up for the feast, it all fits because these are things we'd expect to find in this story. none of this jars against what we've already seen.

and the point of it is to be wondrous and whimsical, to set the tone for the story Lewis wants to tell. and it does a great job! the airy worldbuilding serves the purposes of the story, and it's no less elegant than Ryōko Kui's elaborately grounded dungeon. neither kind of worldbuilding is better than the other.

however.

you do have to know which one you're doing.

the whole reason I'm writing this is that I saw yet another long, entertaining post dragging GRRM for absolute filth. asoiaf is a fun one because on some axes it's pretty grounded (political fuck-around-and-find-out, rumors spread farther than fact, fastest way to lose a war is to let your people starve, etc), but on others it's entirely airy (some people have magic Just Cause, the various peoples are each based on an aesthetic/stereotype/cliché with no real thought to how they influence each other as neighbors, the super-long seasons have no effect on ecology, etc).

and again! none of this is actually bad! (well ok some of those stereotypes are quite bigoted. but other than that this isn't bad.) there's nothing wrong with the season thing being there to highlight how the nobles are focused on short-sighted wars for power instead of storing up resources for the extremely dangerous and inevitable winter, that's a nice allegory, and the looming threat of many harsh years set the narrative tone. and you can always mix and match airy and grounded worldbuilding – everyone does it, frankly it's a necessity, because sooner or later the answer to every worldbuilding question is "because the author wanted it to be that way." the only completely grounded writing is nonfiction.

the problem is when you pretend that your entirely airy worldbuilding is actually super duper grounded. like, for instance, claiming that your vibes-based depiction of Medieval Europe (Gritty Edition) is completely historical, and then never even showing anyone spinning. or sniffing dismissively at Tolkien for not detailing Aragorn's tax policy, and then never addressing how a pre-industrial grain-based agricultural society is going years without harvesting any crops. (stored grain goes bad! you can't even mouse-proof your silos, how are you going to deal with mold?) and the list goes on.

the man went up on national television and invited us to engage with his worldbuilding mechanically, and then if you actually do that, it shatters like spun sugar under the pressure. doesn't he realize that's not the part of the story that's load-bearing! he should've directed our focus to the political machinations and extensive trope deconstruction, not the handwavey bit.

point is, as a fantasy writer there will always be some amount of your worldbuilding that boils down to 'because I said so,' and there's nothing wrong with that. nor is there anything wrong with making that your whole thing – airy worldbuilding can be beautiful and inspiring. but you have to be aware of what you're doing, because if you ask your readers to engage with the worldbuilding in gritty mechanical detail, you had better have some actual mechanics to show them.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

[katetorias]

there is something so horrible about destroying churches, or any place of worship. im not even religious. it’s about the fact that people were so devoted, put so much effort into building and decorating and just experiencing this part of their life, that they hold so important. and all that effort is taken away by a fucking bomb

I find religion beautiful, and it’s harrowing to see these things happening in PaIestine and no one cares. suddenly now no one cares about religion or the importance of religious monuments

[edwinisms]

I feel like in the chaos of things they kinda glossed over possibly the most viscerally horrifying scene and concept in the show, ie; “…where did all the blood go?” “that was the last me,” and charles slowly lifting his lantern up to see the doll spider literally tearing edwin– not just a replica of edwin but literally the body of edwin from just a minute or two earlier– apart limb from limb, torn in half at the waist. then as he moves the lantern a bit to the side he’s met with an entire bloody pile of dismembered, decapitated, eviscerated edwin parts, from god knows how many killings.

like. charles must have persistent fucking nightmares about that right? in the moment he was focused on getting out of there and had to stomach it to move on, but afterwards? i think that must legitimately be the most gruesome, graphic thing he’s ever seen in his entire life/afterlife. i can’t think of anything that could be worse than that. it’s bad enough on it’s own, the live, constant mutilation happening to anyone, but then on top of it all it’s not just anyone– it’s his best friend, the most important person in the world to him.

ghosts can’t exactly sleep, but he must at least get flashbacks, or be triggered on occasion to an extent that makes him feel sick. i dont even know what that'd do to a person honestly, but it'd be hard (if not impossible) even for a pro-internalizer like charles to suppress that memory completely and not be tortured by it for an indefinite amount of time.

[chatlote]

Waiting for as long as it takes.

Bonus comics undercut / Explanation of Crow's Nest

[bluerosefox]

Saying Sorry Will Never Be Enough

Feeling a bit angsty so I had this idea.

Danny is dating one of the Bats/Birds, and everything is going great, amazing even! They know each other secrets (from powers to everything etc), they have a wonderful place to live (even if its in Gotham), Danny is in college on the way to becoming a space engineer (and he does side jobs for unrestful ghosts), he's actually getting sleep again since leaving Amity Park, gets along with their friends and family (those who Danny or his partner still talk to, up to the writer), there is even talk about marriage and perhaps adoption/kids in the future between Danny and the Bat/Bird he's dating!

Everything is setting up for a good life in his future, something Danny didn't think could have after his accident. He was happy finally, and currently packing up his old apartment because he's moving in with his partner in a few days.

So he felt like his core was being pulled out of him when he opens his apartment door one day receiving a knock to find his parents, who had hadn't seen since they kicked him out of the house after coming clean about being Phantom (their words of anger and denial that their son was 'dead' and now a monster, still hurt)

Sure they didn't attack him or proclaim he's dead but still their last words and anger HURT.

Danny didn't give them a chance to open their mouths, both looking nervous and guilty, before he slams the door close and turns invisible, grabs his phone, and fly's out of his apartment to his partner's place in a panic attack.

His partner, isn't happy.

[avelera]

something something the reason so many YA aimed supernatural adventure or romance stories fail on TV is because they lack a sarcastic old dude to attract the audience like moths too flame. Supernatural didn’t work because everyone was a hot young teenager, it got an absurd double digit number of seasons because Castiel had frown lines and Crowley was a a chubby middle aged dude with oodles of charisma. The reason tumblr is talking about Interview with the Vampire and not Dead Boy Detectives, even though DBD was designed in a fucking lab to appeal to the Tumblr demographic, is single handedly owed to old man Daniel Molloy snarking at the vampire melodrama and refusing to take part in it until he’s literally physically dragged in. It’s that resistance, that lack of pretty boy polish, that grit of something that doesn’t want to just go along with the perfectly manicured supernatural romance fantasy that is the stuff that fandoms go feral over and if you just try to make a show of the perfectly pretty polished fanfics that get made out of the gritty old man snark then you are going to fail and worse, be unmemorable, in this essay I will…

[racmune]

hello everyone! i am normal about this!

[unknownarmageddon]

is this anything

[l1-b1]

Sketches of Nya from Hands of Time and Skybound!!

The outgrown Bob haircut phase

[splynter]

Thinking about how attraction can come out as a fascination for study, which was most likely what happened to Ford.

Trying to learn everything about Bill, studying his words and his powers and his dream body itself, building things alongside him, even making fucking art of him. Thinking about how Ford latched onto Bill because Bill knew things,,, and invited Ford into his circle with flattery

Thinking about Bill including Ford in social activities, often just one to one, instead of only making him do things to further his goal. The constant physical contact in a playful manner that pulls Ford against him. In a weird way it was a slow burn for him. Thinking about how Bill gave him birthday gifts. I can’t recall him giving gifts to anyone else before.

It’s so interesting to think about their relationship. As hilarious as it is to shove them together and kiss and say “HE FUCKED THE TRIANGLE!!!” it’s definitely not as cut and dry as that. Yeah we’ve got the horrible abusive stuff and Ford managing to escape from all that, but I want to focus on the more interpersonal and intimate parts of this

After all, Bill definitely felt so much for Ford. And Ford saw Bill as his universe. I doubt either of them had the right mentality to define it as sexual or romantic, but good god it was definitely there

Like okay. Imagine you’re a lonely young man in the woods. You have a past of being bullied, being the golden child, being fascinated with the paranormal and the powers of other beings. You’re desperate to be seen, to be known and to know, you chase every little bit of information that you can find. So what happens when a dream being hears your call and answers you? How else are you supposed to feel aside from joy when he says he’s decided to be your muse?? To help you??

Like good lord what an ego boost

And not only did Bill help Ford with his studies, but he definitely had normal conversations (as normal as a Bill conversation can be) with Ford, as well as fucking calmed his anxiety and made his body feel better and gave him little advice. Like hello?? He considered Bill to be his friend, his muse, his partner. In Bill’s absences he would get jealous and start making up other people Bill must’ve been talking to. We don’t have as much information about Bill’s feelings and thoughts about this but. I wonder if that got to him in some way

I wonder if he felt genuinely wanted

Bill definitely didn’t realize what he had until he lost it, but I like to think that some of his actions did betray a vulnerability and attachment that normally was not a part of his deals with his puppets

Is this a ramble to help me figure out a drabble I want to write? Maybe

[yayll]

~ a little something about the complicated way you and Dazai acknowledge each other's feelings ~

"We can't let it end like this. We simply can't."

"Dazai, what are you talking about? I'm literally just going on my lunch break."

"... I'll find a way for us to be together! Someday!"

You've been bickering back and forth with him ever since you stepped foot in the agency this morning, or more like he's been performing a whiney one sided narrative that you and your co-workers are more than familiar with. Though it's only ever directed at you. The confusing declarations of love, the lack of personal space, and then there are the days he won't even look or speak to you at all. It was emotional whiplash, but you did your best to drown out the feelings he evoked in you.

Dangerous ones you wouldn't dare indulge in, because if so, you get the feeling your heart would never recover from a man like Dazai. You grab your wallet, and push in your desk chair when he calls out to you once more in a much more serious tone, one that sounds bored.

"If you must leave, will you please pick up something on your way back for me?"

"What is it this time?"

"Bandages, I suppose"

He says that like it's an afterthought, like he couldn't care less for whatever he was asking for.

He's been asking you to go on odd little shopping trips for him for weeks now, and you being the dog you are, say yes every single time. You think about how Dazai loathes dogs. It makes you physically ill the way you feel about him. Whatever it is. You nod, and reply softly.

"Okay. Sure."

"So compliant! If I didn't know any better l'd say you're madly in love with me. Should we run off into the sunset and get married?"

You simply stare at his sardonic smile for a long while, and he stares back. It's like you're sending each other psychic waves, secret messages only you two could decode. Only you two could fathom. He stares into you with that piercing gaze of his, the one that might as well call you an idiot for ever thinking there's a real person behind his heavenly face. His eyes are pretty, they make yours feel dull in comparison. After a while, a faint half smile creeps onto your lips, trying to feign the same indifference as his. You fail, obviously.

"Mm, sounds too hopeful, even for you."

"Yikes! Right you are. Commitment. How awful.... No one wants that kind of trouble."

Dazai states cruelly, leaning back into his chair at his desk, arms crossed. He has to bite down to keep from smiling and giggling like a fool, as this is exactly what he wishes would happen.

His heart flutters for a brief moment at the visual of such a fantasy, such privilege to have you forever. He knows how badly you secretly want this too, but he doesn't plan on putting you out of your misery just yet. Shame on you to think of him as a real person who's allowed to pursue the things he wants! He continues when he sees you've gone completely silent, standing with your keys in your hand like a mannequin.

"Besides, I'm sure you've met plenty of other guys that are far more suitable for you. I mean, look at me, I used to be a criminal." He winks at you, hinting at his sketchy past. He's such a fantastic performer when he's at his worst.

"... And no one wants that kind of trouble, right?" You echo his past words back to him, once again failing to match his rejection.

"Oh you wretched little creature. Right again!"

You can't take much of this any longer, smiling politely as you simply turn around, and walk out of the agency. Your eyes sting.

Dazai just sits there, staring at the door, counting the seconds until you're back. He rests his chin on his palm, unblinking. He taps his fingers on the desk, and lets out a deep sigh. It's all he does, all he looks forward to every single day you leave.

You finally come back nearly an hour later, carrying a small bag and leftovers from your lunch. He lights up like the moon during the clearest night sky, and stands up immediately. His demeanor completely changes as he flashes you a delighted grin, rushing to you.

"You're back~"

"Yeah, here are your bandages."

"My what?"

"The bandages you asked for..?"

His eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles, shaking his head. He flicks his own forehead.

"Of course! Thank you. Now, may I have the receipt as well?"

He looks excited, his open palm cupped in front of you, as if you were giving him a treat. You raise a brow and shrug, handing him the crumpled piece of paper. You don't even question it anymore. He frowns. You think he looks like a disgruntled little kid.

"Ugh. You wrinkled it."

"What? Why does it matter?"

"Well I obviously wanted to keep it, silly goose."

You try to make sense of what he could possibly mean, and you decide it's not worth getting into. You can't afford the heartache nor the brain cells.

"That's the weirdest thing you've ever asked me."

"Not true. I've never asked you for a kiss~"

You almost drop to the floor with the way his eyes darken, despite his tone being the complete opposite. You stare at him yet again for what feels like ages, your heart set ablaze, with Dazai being the pyromaniac who won't let your embers die out of his own amusement. Your voice comes out low, meek.

"Well I'm clearly not the person you dream of, so no."

You could swear his awful smirk falls off just a tiny bit, but any evidence of that is gone in a blink of an eye. His voice comes out soft and laced with a hint of honeyed bitterness.

"And if you weren't, l'd dream of you anyway."

He mutters under his breath as he looks out the window, as if you weren't supposed to hear that. the sun is slowly setting and the moon will illuminate soon after. He wishes he could see what you look like at night.

You roll your eyes because if you don't, you'll bury your face in his chest and sob. Oh, he's the worst. You put on your best cynical voice followed by a scoff.

"That's lovely, Dazai."

"You look lovely." He states simply, still looking at the way the moon ghosts in the sky.

"... Thank you."

"It's my pleasure." He murmurs, solemnly. In that moment, you don't catch it, but he's telling you he loves you too.

And just like that, you slowly walk past him and sit at your desk. You might have a stroke, but you still have reports to finish.

Dazai quietly does the same, sitting down and opening a drawer, and then a secret compartment within it. He glances at you for a moment, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he flashes you an exaggerated smile when you catch him looking, then turns his attention back down, the smile dropping.

He places the wrinkled receipt into a larger stack of countless other receipts, all from past errands you've run for him lately. He smoothes it carefully, for it is a priceless sentiment amongst his collection of the things you so graciously give him. It's pathetic, but it's like holding your hand. It's like kissing you. It's like true love.

[applestruda]

Sorry for the slow down in art I've been in a bit of a slump with it right now and haven't had much drawing motivation o7

[blighted-lights]

i feel so awful about skybound ravage right now because he's spent nearly the entire comic run so far being injured. like. injured to the point of being immobile. and he's STILL getting tossed around. by another decepticon no less! like yeah sure whatever it's a rough spot for soundwave right now but RAVAGE is the one going through it. and the fact that soundwave allowed shockwave to pick ravage up and toss him around like that im,,,

oughhhh im sick. im sick.