#i love u guys thank u for supporting my ramblings of the WORST MAN ALIVE

[yayll]

~ a little something about the complicated way you and Dazai acknowledge each other's feelings ~

"We can't let it end like this. We simply can't."

"Dazai, what are you talking about? I'm literally just going on my lunch break."

"... I'll find a way for us to be together! Someday!"

You've been bickering back and forth with him ever since you stepped foot in the agency this morning, or more like he's been performing a whiney one sided narrative that you and your co-workers are more than familiar with. Though it's only ever directed at you. The confusing declarations of love, the lack of personal space, and then there are the days he won't even look or speak to you at all. It was emotional whiplash, but you did your best to drown out the feelings he evoked in you.

Dangerous ones you wouldn't dare indulge in, because if so, you get the feeling your heart would never recover from a man like Dazai. You grab your wallet, and push in your desk chair when he calls out to you once more in a much more serious tone, one that sounds bored.

"If you must leave, will you please pick up something on your way back for me?"

"What is it this time?"

"Bandages, I suppose"

He says that like it's an afterthought, like he couldn't care less for whatever he was asking for.

He's been asking you to go on odd little shopping trips for him for weeks now, and you being the dog you are, say yes every single time. You think about how Dazai loathes dogs. It makes you physically ill the way you feel about him. Whatever it is. You nod, and reply softly.

"Okay. Sure."

"So compliant! If I didn't know any better l'd say you're madly in love with me. Should we run off into the sunset and get married?"

You simply stare at his sardonic smile for a long while, and he stares back. It's like you're sending each other psychic waves, secret messages only you two could decode. Only you two could fathom. He stares into you with that piercing gaze of his, the one that might as well call you an idiot for ever thinking there's a real person behind his heavenly face. His eyes are pretty, they make yours feel dull in comparison. After a while, a faint half smile creeps onto your lips, trying to feign the same indifference as his. You fail, obviously.

"Mm, sounds too hopeful, even for you."

"Yikes! Right you are. Commitment. How awful.... No one wants that kind of trouble."

Dazai states cruelly, leaning back into his chair at his desk, arms crossed. He has to bite down to keep from smiling and giggling like a fool, as this is exactly what he wishes would happen.

His heart flutters for a brief moment at the visual of such a fantasy, such privilege to have you forever. He knows how badly you secretly want this too, but he doesn't plan on putting you out of your misery just yet. Shame on you to think of him as a real person who's allowed to pursue the things he wants! He continues when he sees you've gone completely silent, standing with your keys in your hand like a mannequin.

"Besides, I'm sure you've met plenty of other guys that are far more suitable for you. I mean, look at me, I used to be a criminal." He winks at you, hinting at his sketchy past. He's such a fantastic performer when he's at his worst.

"... And no one wants that kind of trouble, right?" You echo his past words back to him, once again failing to match his rejection.

"Oh you wretched little creature. Right again!"

You can't take much of this any longer, smiling politely as you simply turn around, and walk out of the agency. Your eyes sting.

Dazai just sits there, staring at the door, counting the seconds until you're back. He rests his chin on his palm, unblinking. He taps his fingers on the desk, and lets out a deep sigh. It's all he does, all he looks forward to every single day you leave.

You finally come back nearly an hour later, carrying a small bag and leftovers from your lunch. He lights up like the moon during the clearest night sky, and stands up immediately. His demeanor completely changes as he flashes you a delighted grin, rushing to you.

"You're back~"

"Yeah, here are your bandages."

"My what?"

"The bandages you asked for..?"

His eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles, shaking his head. He flicks his own forehead.

"Of course! Thank you. Now, may I have the receipt as well?"

He looks excited, his open palm cupped in front of you, as if you were giving him a treat. You raise a brow and shrug, handing him the crumpled piece of paper. You don't even question it anymore. He frowns. You think he looks like a disgruntled little kid.

"Ugh. You wrinkled it."

"What? Why does it matter?"

"Well I obviously wanted to keep it, silly goose."

You try to make sense of what he could possibly mean, and you decide it's not worth getting into. You can't afford the heartache nor the brain cells.

"That's the weirdest thing you've ever asked me."

"Not true. I've never asked you for a kiss~"

You almost drop to the floor with the way his eyes darken, despite his tone being the complete opposite. You stare at him yet again for what feels like ages, your heart set ablaze, with Dazai being the pyromaniac who won't let your embers die out of his own amusement. Your voice comes out low, meek.

"Well I'm clearly not the person you dream of, so no."

You could swear his awful smirk falls off just a tiny bit, but any evidence of that is gone in a blink of an eye. His voice comes out soft and laced with a hint of honeyed bitterness.

"And if you weren't, l'd dream of you anyway."

He mutters under his breath as he looks out the window, as if you weren't supposed to hear that. the sun is slowly setting and the moon will illuminate soon after. He wishes he could see what you look like at night.

You roll your eyes because if you don't, you'll bury your face in his chest and sob. Oh, he's the worst. You put on your best cynical voice followed by a scoff.

"That's lovely, Dazai."

"You look lovely." He states simply, still looking at the way the moon ghosts in the sky.

"... Thank you."

"It's my pleasure." He murmurs, solemnly. In that moment, you don't catch it, but he's telling you he loves you too.

And just like that, you slowly walk past him and sit at your desk. You might have a stroke, but you still have reports to finish.

Dazai quietly does the same, sitting down and opening a drawer, and then a secret compartment within it. He glances at you for a moment, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he flashes you an exaggerated smile when you catch him looking, then turns his attention back down, the smile dropping.

He places the wrinkled receipt into a larger stack of countless other receipts, all from past errands you've run for him lately. He smoothes it carefully, for it is a priceless sentiment amongst his collection of the things you so graciously give him. It's pathetic, but it's like holding your hand. It's like kissing you. It's like true love.

[kitsmits]

KaiKashi Fluff Alphabet!

So @eye-of-moon-15 had an interesting request: the Fluff Alphabet for KaiKashi! This was lots of fun, thank you so much for asking for this! (It’s actually helping me get my mojo back for TUTN, too!) :)

Activities -What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Mostly they’re pretty content to just be in the same room, doing their own things. In a more “modern/AU” setting where TV is a thing (or I guess the...shudder...Boruto era?), they’d definitely do Netflix binges.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Kaiya has a thing for Kakashi’s facial bone structure. I mean, the man is practically chiseled from marble. She also reeeeally loves his shoulders. And back. And chest. Basically, the whole upper torso. Oh, and that lazy smile he has when he first wakes up.

Kakashi admires a lot about Kaiya...though if he HAD to pick...she has a great ass. He also loves how her whole face lights up when she’s excited about something, and how energetic she becomes.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Kaiya is more prone to panic attacks than depressive episodes, so when one happens, Kakashi first reminds her to breathe. He usually also stays near her, having her focus on him until she calms down, then holding her if she needs it.

Kakashi, on the flip side, is more prone to depressive episodes. When Kaiya notices one happening, she’ll often come up behind him and wrap her arms around him, just reminding him that he isn’t alone, he isn’t worthless or a failure, he is loved.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

For Kakashi, this is perhaps the first time he’s ever seen himself settling down, or even wanting to. He imagines the two of them traveling together, raising dogs or kids or both, and - wonder of wonders - growing old together.

Kaiya cannot imagine her future without Kakashi. Period. Whatever happens, whatever they wind up doing, it’ll be together. So...kind of the same ^_^

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Kaiya’s the dominant one. Kakashi is more passive and tends to defer to her :P

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Well, considering that Kaiya’s forgiven Kakashi for essentially lying about her own identity to her for much of her life...there isn’t much they can’t work through :P When they do fight or argue, they’re pretty opposite: Kaiya NEEDS to talk and express what she’s thinking and feeling, but Kakashi tends to process things internally. Especially in the beginning of their relationship (and long before it was romantic), this was very difficult for Kaiya especially to adjust to and understand. She would misinterpret his lack of communication as apathy, rather than recognize that Kakashi is just a much more introverted person who’s unused to expressing himself openly.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Sooooo grateful on both ends! Kaiya sometimes can’t believe that Kakashi has been with her, in one way or other, for so long - even during a more tumultuous period where she went back to a certain old flame. He understands her better than anyone has before, and his steady presence is like a rock for her.

Kakashi also can’t believe that this gorgeous, smart, witty woman sees anything in him - and not least of all because of the major lie that loomed over their friendship in the beginning! He’s long assumed he was either unworthy of love, or that even if he did get close to someone, that just meant that he’d lose them. Or - his worst nightmare - that HE would be the one to end their life somehow. He’s grateful for every day they’re alive together. Also, Kaiya challenges him, pushes him to be a more actively involved person in the village rather than simply following orders. She helped him become more proactive at a time in his life when he’d stagnated a bit. 

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Uhhhh....well, not anymore. After the Big Lie about Kaiya’s identity, they’ve endeavored to be honest with each other.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Lol - I feel like “G” kind of touched on this :P For Kaiya, Kakashi is a grounding force. Also, by learning to trust him again after the Big Lie, she learned to trust herself again as well - her instinct about him, that he was a good person, really had been right. After Itachi and the massacre...she’d lost that confidence in her own judgment.

Kakashi did change as well. By opening himself up to Kaiya, he opened himself up to living life and having a future.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Eh, not really on either side, actually. They trust each other - though they might get annoyed with people who are overly persistent with the other :P

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Kakashi is a GREAT kisser. Assertive, but not aggressive - a perfect balance of give and take. Very much a tease with his tongue :P

Kaiya is a passionate kisser, though she tends to let the other person take the lead. However, she’s more than happy to initiate :P

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I’ll answer this as a hypothetical, though it happened in the old TUTN :P Kaiya would be pretty straightforward, though she’d ramble her way through it out of nervousness!

Kakashi...I think he’d be straight-forward too, but in a casual way. Like...he’d just say something like, “So...I like you.” And it would be out of nowhere, apropos of nothing. But it would also take him a looooooong time to finally say it :P

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

When the question of marriage comes up, it’s after they’ve been together for a while. They already live together. Heck, they may have already had a kid. It only comes up as a practical concern, or because other people have been hounding them about it. They wouldn’t want a big wedding, and would prefer to just elope. However, if that wasn’t an option (and it probably wouldn’t be), Kaiya would have Gorou give her away, and Kakashi would have Guy as his best man. After the wedding, it’d be back to life as usual, though they’d each get a kick out of calling each other “husband” and “wife” :P

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Kaiya has several for Kakashi: Old man, Copy-Nin, (teasing) sensei, (also teasing) Hokage-sama

Kakashi doesn’t have many for Kaiya. But when he is Hokage, he’ll call Kaiya “Hokage-sama” and insist she’s the one who does all the work. Partly in an attempt to make her do the work. :P

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Omg...just about everyone could tell these two would be a Thing long before they finally got together. They were constantly teasing and bantering with each other. Kakashi would actually show up on time to things having to do with Kaiya (well, sometimes). When they do finally get together, they don’t think they act any different...but they do. It’s in how they look at each other, how they always seem to be close together.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

They don’t actively hide it, but they don’t advertise, either. People know they’re together (See “O”), but they’re not big into PDA, at least at first. Later on, after they’ve been together a while and things are less tense in the village overall, they’re more open about having arms around each other and little pecks. They still save the heavier stuff for more private places.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Kakashi’s a good cook - better than Kaiya is! Kaiya CAN cook, and she’s learned a lot from Hikaru, but she’s more used to quick, convenient meals with long shelf lives.

Kaiya...well, her barrier jutsu has come in very handy at times...if ya know what I’m sayin’ ;)

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Kakashi likes making candlelit dinners for them. He definitely prefers it to going out! Kaiya humors Kakashi’s requests to try out things from Icha Icha ;) She’d never admit it out loud, but once she got past the squick factor of her godfather being the creator of that series, she actually has fun playing out the scenarios.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Definitely! These two are partners in many things - life, work. Even at the start, Kakashi supported and low-key mentored Kaiya, training with her so she could be a stronger fighter and being a sounding board for her Fuinjutsu work. For a while, Kaiya actually felt inadequate, like she didn’t have any way to reciprocate; Kakashi is older, more experienced...what did she offer? But she pushes him, keeps him on his toes, and provides confidence when he’s lacking. Eventually, they’re on more even footing in a lot of ways.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out their relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Sometimes, yes, they do try out new things - usually in the bedroom (or wherever they happen to be trying those new things!). There isn’t much in everyday life they try, though. They’re usually just relieved to have a relatively calmer, less drama- and danger-filled life.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

They’ve gotten to know each other very well. Again, in the beginning, Kaiya had a hard time with Kakashi because he just isn’t very outwardly expressive. But once she learned to interpret his subtle tells, and once he learned how to talk about his thoughts and feelings more, they’ve gotten very good at reading each other.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s one of the most important things in each of their lives. It’s not the ONLY thing - there’s family, friends, their commitment to making the world better, etc. But they never take it for granted.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Behind closed doors, Kakashi is very cuddle-hungry! He loves to just hold Kaiya or rest on her lap or chest with her massaging his scalp. Sometimes he lays his head over her heart just to hear it beating.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Yes, just not as much in public view!

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

They’ll distract themselves, usually with work, or if possible (ie, they’re not on a lonely mission), with friends and family. If/when phones become a thing in the Narutoverse, they’d definitely call each other at least once a day to check in (assuming circumstances allowed).

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

I think so. It goes without saying that they’d die - or kill - for each other, but I see this question as being about other parts of a long term relationship. They’d be open to things like counseling. One might think that their busy, mission-filled lives would get in the way and create resentment on at least one side...but for the most part, it doesn’t. One of the reasons they work so well together is that they both understand how important the village and their work is. They’re used to putting other things above their own needs and desires. However...sometimes they do need to just take time off to be together, just the two of them. Sometimes that’s harder for them to do than arguing or fighting off enemies. Again, they don’t take their relationship for granted necessarily...but they do forget that they’re allowed to be selfish sometimes for their own sakes.