#ap psych test is KILLING ME

[mapleleavesart]

Prob not gonna be super active this next week or two, finals and AP tests are coming up and I'm already super stressed so that's FUN

I'll. I'll be back once I stop feeling like imma bout to snap from the tension. I'll work on something cool once I'm out of school I prommie

[yisanged]

I'm so fucked a friend got in my head about not doing enough this year (junior year the most important year for colleges) and I got scared and I got my counselor to add ap psych to my schedule last second and I'm really regretting it now. I'm so fucked I'm so fucking screwed. 5 ap classes and I have to study Korean for the aappl for seal of biltieracy I have to study for the psat and sat and act and I have to stock up on volunteer hours and I'll have to study every day for chem because he does surprise pop tests and I'll have to study every day for calc because I suck at math and I have to go to the lab to do my experiment for research even though my professor is fucking ghosting me even though he said he would email me papers to read when I met him in person and I wanted to use the free time I would've had to do honors band and actually practice and do well at solo and ensemble but now I'll have no time probably and I'll be sad and miserable and hate myself and I'm so fucked and I'm going to want to kill myself all year again like last year. I was so happy with what my schedule was why the fuck would I do that. never listen to your bitch ass friends who say you aren't doing enough when they're only in like 3 aps. and my picture on my ID came out so fucking bad the worst of every year so far my hair is fucked and there's glare on my glasses and I look fat as fuck which normally I don't care but it all looks so bad and I was crying like 20 minutes before because my fucking dad didn't bring any money to orientation even though I told him he would need to pay for things so we needed to leave in the middle to get his checkbook and come back and it was so fucking embarrassing and I was so pissed at him and I'm still so behind on my summer homework. Fuck

[speedyslothboi]

I spent an hour making a flower crown today. I'd never made one before. It didn't turn out very good; clumsy knots and and sticky fingers and broken petals but I still put it on and smiled. I never got that kind of childhood. I wondered if this is what healing feels like: sitting on a picnic table, gently warmed by the sun, breathing in the world. I have so much to do (an ap psych test in three days, ethics bowl nationals and science olympiad state to prepare for, a read through for the play on Monday) and instead I went outside and listened to the birds.

Then I got home and cried. Because 30,000 people will never get to make a flower crown again (and how many never had? It took me 17 years. That's more time than many of them ever got). I haven't breathed clearly in 6 months; a weight on my chest and a pit in my stomach but for one hour, I felt like I could breathe, the smell of grass unfamiliar but comfortable (and how many died in that time? Trapped under rubble? The weight on their chests real).

I feel like I've been sitting Shiva for strangers halfway across the world but I'll die before I finish mourning (575 years is a lot to ask of this body). I'm not doing a very good job. But what else can I do but remember? I don't know know what to do with myself. I'm heartbroken and horrified and I am so angry. I go to school and hear kids talk about tik tok drama and I want to grab them and shake them and yell "how can you think about anything else? How can breathe around your guilt well enough to speak?" I feel like I know to much and too little, never informed fast enough. I feel like I'm grieving and like I have no right to grieve. I'm tired. I'm not doing well (I can't remember the last time I brushed my teeth and I still need to schedule my fillings and do my laundry and change my sheets) but I feel so selfish doing anything to make myself happy, like I'm stealing joy I don't deserve. And I know that I'm burnt-out (years into it) and that I have to take care of myself too but I just don't know how to carry all this grief. And this isn't about me (I'm making it about me, aren't I?)

This will be the first presidential election I get to vote in and I can't vote for him, I can't. And I'm scared. People keep saying it's selfish not to but I'm the one who will face the consequences. I'm one of the "vulnerable" people (does that make it self-sacrificial? Does that make it okay? To risk my communities if I am at risk too?)

Paul Alexander died three weeks ago. I can't stop thinking about him. (Most of the articles won't tell you why though; that one of the most vulnerable members of society was abandoned to a disease that has killed 3 million). I keep seeing inspiration porn articles about how he didn't let his disability "stop him" (I feel like I'm "letting" mine stop me). None of them mention "I love the sun, but I haven't felt it in a long time. It's lonely." (I feel lonely all the time but I didn't feel lonely at the park, with dirt in my fingernails. I don't really believe in heaven but I hope it exists so Paul can sit in the sun again). I think of Paul and I am filled with rage. 5,000 people die of covid every week; that's one person every five minutes (how is that okay? how could you abandon us for "normal"?) and I'm one of three people out of 2200 at my school who still wear a mask. I got the most recent booster two days ago (the one only the "vulnerable" can get as if long covid isn't becoming an increasingly documented mass disabling event. And the genocide is one too. And what about the countries we blocked from getting vaccines with patents. How dare we condemn the global south to suffer without vaccines only to stop getting them). And I need to buy more masks (yet another expense to exist while disabled) and they aren't free anymore so it's another 3 hours of work. Cases keep rising despite the lack of testing and wastewater doesn't lie. And whats the new variant? News isnt reporting on it anymore because "no one cares" (I care. I need to believe others would care if they knew. Maybe thats just wishful thinking) I still have at home tests but their negatives feel like taunts (a positive is a positive though, I remember)

I don't really have any friends. I have acquaintances and people I work with for projects but I don't want them to be my friends. My mom and my therapist keep telling me to reach out and do things with them (I know it would be good for me to socialize but doing so would put me at risk. They can't even wear a mask, and I'm supposed to choose to spend extra time with them?) Neither my mom or therapist wears a mask. (My mom fought for me when doctors didn't believe anything was wrong. Fought for 7 years to get a diagnosis and now she won't protect me.) I go to the doctors and even they aren't wearing masks (didn't you learn your lesson?).

I've seen people complain about "boycott fatigue" and I'm just wonder how you are surprised? I lost faith 2 years ago when people decided that disabled people's lives weren't worth discomfort (I used to value the nuance, how it isnt that simple. Now my compassion is shot. My empathy used up on three million deaths. But it is, isnt it? Simple that is. You just dont care enough). When the accessibility we begged for for years that had been "impossible" was suddenly "easy" when everyone needed and then taken away just as quickly. The second you could leave us behind, you did. So how could I be surprised people would do the same for Falastin? I love theatre, and I'm excited for too much light. But half of them will walk in with Starbucks on Monday (and none of them will be wearing a mask) and I know these people will never truly be my people (I resent them and love them but mostly I'm disappointed.)

I've been crying alot. I never used to cry. Sometimes I feel like that means I'm healing (some of the time I wonder if I have the right to heal right now). It's like this grief keeps overflowing but the world keeps turning (and how can everyone keep living right now?) and homework keeps coming and the genocide keeps happening and I need to get back to making my magma composition notes. (I left the flower crown at the park. I felt guilty about picking the flowers; that must be bad for the environment, right? How selfish, to kill things just to make a silly crown, and I didnt even do it very well. It fell apart within a minute. An hour of work crumpled in my hands. A moment of enjoyment stolen at the cost of life, what a bad vegan I am. Anyway, i left the flowers there, to decompose where they were born)

[bravopotato]

In class during 5 minute 'get ur shit together' time and I have a test for ap psych today.

I'm going to kill myself. I feel like shit. Kill me.

[rockyvids]

i'm writing too much about a world that doesn't exist yet, and i think that pretty much sums me up as a person. i feel unsatisfied with everything (my grades and my attitude) and i'm not sure if i'm finding or fleeing from my true self - also slowly becoming a pete wentz wannabe but hopefully i can put a twist on it so my problems feel novel.

speaking of, this one million page essay is gonna kill me if i don't lock in immediatelyyy. ap psych is getting interesting, my test scores aren't promising though

lately my days have felt like they were set back by one year exactly and only a couple people know why that's rough. my boyfriend is the sweetest and i'm really only getting more irritating for him, sooner than later my "last year problem" will seep into everything i do/am/say and while he is one of the few who understand i don't know anybody who'd stick around for anything so draining.

my love is of the schrödinger's variety - you won't know whether it's any good or not until you give me a shot, but i know that i can only love right in theory. so please, leave me alone in my damn box.

[eligalilei]

Can you microdose (or just very low dose) antipsychotics and expect them to still help?

Me:

It depends on the drug and person. Some won't even be antipsychotics at low doses. Some people will actually get benefits equivalent to higher doses, due to peculiarities of their brains and metabolism.

Some also find the benefits from higher doses actually stick at lower ones if they taper into them, but I wouldn't make any kind of rule out of that.

It's also worth importing a set of terms as metaphor from therapeutic use of psychedelics: there are psycholytic, and 'cathartic' dosing strategies. In the former, the purpose is the opening of a discourse, and a loosening of boundaries. In the case of psychosis, the intention is the flattening of overinvestments, and the release of the psyche from cancerous loops. Analogously, in the 'overload' doses, one means to 'delete' a space. In the typically excessive mode of their use, one keeps the patient on a disabling, soul-killing quantity of neuroleptics (braingrabbers, etymologically speaking). The patient, almost inevitably, tires of this, and due to the persistence and lack of dialogue with the relevant material, simply drops the medication, and swings into rebound psychosis (often of a different sort than that for which the medication was indicated, but nobody pays attention to such minutia as the patient's experience...). That said, I think the 'overload' dose can be of some use as an interruptor.

Of course, there's also medium-dose, standard allopathic approaches, which may indeed be relevant to the treatment of many patients. Sadly, we do not have, in practice, the ability to determine the actual organicity of a psychosis, so the assumption is that all patients will need continual treatment. Organicity should also not be the criterion for the assumption of the necessity of long-term treatment either, but that's another question.

OP:

It's for my kiddo that I'm asking. He's a 11 year old non- verbal autistic and psychiatrists keep wanting to put him on either risperidone, geodon or clozaril. All seem like dangerous meds to me. He was on risperidone for a while but we got him off due to bad side effects. I'm saying yes to geodon for now but wanted to stick to the lowest dose possible even a microdose if possible. Of course the drug pushing psychiatrists don't like that. Thanks for the info. Me:

Honestly, in kids... I would stay far away. Just me, though, as someone who has suffered long from after-effects from using them as an adult.

It would be off-label, but I kind of like baclofen or anticonvulsants, or things like verapamil more for that use, rather than... long-term sedatives with links to cognitive decline.

Tbh, .... I know this will sound cynical.... but they're all the same stupid drug up to and past a point. They will all have the same risks of side effects eventually if you keep taking them, and pushing them for autism was just a money-grab to find more uses for drugs that already exist, not an attempt to find a solution to a particular problem. They 'work' in autism because they are sedatives, and APs are our current idea of what a non-scary sedative looks like. They have a veneer of respectability, somehow, especially the new(er) ones.

As you can see from the below-linked study, Risperdal does not really treat autism in any kind of disease-modifying way, it just reduces irritability and moodswings.

Tbh, Clozaril is actually a less scary one in some ways, despite the fact that it can cause neutropenia. Rexulti is also maybe less scary, I think, for a variety of reasons... but it's not really going to be a sedative, and it probably hasn't been tested here, and I can't really suggest it, just point to why it, in pharmacological theory, might be less bad.

Seroquel might be worth considering, since it genuinely is barely an AP at small doses. It's just an antihistamine with an AP 'aftertaste' under maybe 150 mg. Doses for psychosis start at 300 mg; your kid might get the 'benefit' of added sedation (because, let's be frank, that's what these drugs do) from the other activities it has, but without as much risk of motor side effects, due to its binding to the dopamine receptors for shorter spans of time, and doing it much less.

The issue with the new ones is that they don't actually come in small pills... so it's hard to actually microdose them; the pill sizes were constructed with treatment of psychosis in mind, and other areas of use just inherit that legacy and material situation, regardless of whether that's really even appropriate.

Check this out to see, vaguely, what the equivalents look like:

You'll see, examining the Ki data, that with the newer drugs, you can't even get into the small doses. Dose equivalents aren't even going to cross-apply to stuff like Seroquel and Clozapine under a certain range, due to the 'stepped' nature of their pharmacology (uneven Kis/Kd).

Sorry about the barrage, hopefully this gives you a little bit of helpful info to think about.

[starry-skies-116]

FUCK YOU C*LLEGEBOARD FUCK YOU FCUK YUOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSLEF I DON'T WANT TO SIT IN THAT MUSTY ASS ROOM TAKING YOUR SHIT WACK ASS TEST....,..,,..

WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IWOULD BE A GOOD IDJAEA TO PUT TEH FGAUCKIGN AP PSYCH TEST R I G H T BEFORE THE AP COMPSCI ONE. OR IS IT THE OTHR WAY AROUND???/?/? IDGAF EITHER WAY BRO LIKE WTF IS THIS SHIT WHY WHY FUCKINGN WHY

MY BRAIN IS COMMITTING CANNIBALISM WE ARE ON FCUGKCIN DEFCON 1 DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE G R A V I T Y OF THIS SITUATION YOU HAVE WROUGHT UPPON US?? YOUA LL ARE ONE BIG FUCKIGN CAPITALIST SCAM. NON PROFIT MY FUCKING ASS ORI DEUVDA.

(for context, AP exams are in like. A week. And I want to keel over and pass out, I have had five mental breakdowns this week and twice as many panic attack-spurred binge-eating episodes, and it's only Sunday, so ahahaha kill me now /hj but still why </3)

[dog-v3ntz]

we’re gonna have a “coping test” later in AP psych and if that’s anything like what im thinking of then please kill me.

[hprse]

Started the year w solid As in my ap classes, currently my grades and i are flirting through the 30-50 range ☺️💕

[ourmisadventures]

i need more peter parker fanfics in my life

[ryukiki]

YTTD from a Psychological researcher's perspective (I'm taking AP Psych, trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm also evil but that's not important)

The thing that's driving me up the damn wall is the fact that honestly?? If I were in Michiru's position? I would take that shit too! I would take the position!!

"Oh nooo its a death game" AND?? Have you never fantasized about performing unethical experiments on children and seeing how they turn out???? Like yeah its sooo unethical but seeing how people react to the very man that traumatized the fuck out of them!! Like the possibilities!! Different people from different backgrounds and the way they bond! The humanity!! Their desires and wishes and willingness to fuck other people over! What the fuck are you gonna do??!?!?!?! Do you think OSHA's gonna let you kill people? No!!! Legally speaking you can't waive your right to life but guess what! Fuck you! Fuck laws fuck everything I wanna find out what happens when you put everyone into these situations I wanna see!!! Knowledge is such a valueable thing and ASUNARO is GETTING IT!! They understand, theyre willing to do anything for the pursuit of knowledge!!!!! Theyre right. Ok boohoo ethics but I think its good!! Look at the way that this game has shaped their lives!! To even phrase it as a game is a test in and of itself this is fucking amazing and very swag i want to do this but like. Not kill people because thats illegal but like. I want ais and i wanna make a yttd simulation with real people's conciousnesses but also like not die bc thats illegal but with vr?? Honestly i might was well get some people to strap on a headset and have them go through this game and do the thing and no one's being harmed so just. Watch their brains light up on an mri and see how they react and everything just picture it now please

[trippingeyes]

the calendar // panic! at the disco

[kkodzvken]

hey bestie, whatchu been up to lately? currently psych is killing my ass... teacher assigned 3 ws over the weekend, a practice test for the final exam, an frq, plus notes 👩🏽‍🦯

yesterday i almost cried, but i gave up and didn’t do half of it

HII BESTIE god psych is beating me up too .,, i’m doing it thru this online thing separate from my school and it closes in 2 weeks 🤡 i have a whole 2.5 modules left 🤡 BUT WE MOVE

good luck tho we’re both gonna kill it i believe in us ☝️☝️gotta get that ap credit and save time at college skfjdksk

[kimgothic]

good luck to everyone taking ap exams!!

[inkanistark]

Currently living one of the worst weeks of my life, it’s going very cute so far.

Sunday:

Woke up with alarming chest pains. Very alarming to the point that I told my parents because I thought I was going to die. (6-7 on the pain scale)

Went to the ER. It was very C U T E.

They said that I just had a bad reaction to my respiratory virus infection, possibly strengthened due to high stress, possibly a UTI.

Kobe died, found out at hospital.

I got home at 5 and had to still write an Oliver Thesis, write 9 chapters worth of AP Psych Notes, and had to study for the test the next day.

Monday:

Studied for AP Psych Test all day. Probably failed it. Had to endure classes that talked about abortion, Kobe’s death, transphobia, mental illnesses, etc.

Had to write an entire AP Psych project due to lack of time as I caught the flu the week before. This included about 70 logs as well as follow up questions that I’d rather not talk about. This was due as midnight as well as an editorial analysis for AP Lang, which mind you I had also not started. I ended up procrastinating and rushing to do both before midnight just in time.

Tuesday:

Good Day. Julius Caesar got stabbed.

Before the field trip, I had extreme chest and stomach pains again. The cause turned out to be the fact that I had taken my prescribed pills and cough medication, both of which are a deadly combination when on an empty stomach. I skipped dinner the night before and breakfast that morning. My stomach felt like Caesar.

Wednesday:

Had to read the entire Great Gatsby, as I had repressed the due date and had to cope with the flu for over two weeks, but whatevs. Following this up, I finished my reading at midnight, and still had 2 WebAssign tasks for math and gave up on them. I also had to study for a math quiz and anatomy quiz. I went to bed at 3 A.M. and felt like crying. I didn’t. It was cute.

Thursday:

Dealt with a terrible Anatomy Quiz that I managed to pass on virtue hat it was an open note quiz.

The Great Gatsby Socratic Seminar was that day. Everyone contributed except me, I wanted to contribute before Keller interrupted me and my anxiety already wanted to yeet me off a cliff. I wish I had done my math instead of actually listening to the discussion.

Math was next. Quiz on the last two lessons. On virtue of logic, I managed to answer the first two questions. I struggled a bit on the third but managed to come to some sort of conclusion, correct or wrong. The last question was a doozy that I stared at until the last ten minutes of class, where I simply gave up and turned it in. I kinda felt like crying, but I didn’t and just #smiled. Ms. Nahigian taught us about hyperbolas and I thought I was free, but she pulled a sike and assigned us all to a group project due next Friday, where we will all have to make a one minute video about hyperbolas. I’d rather die but do I have a choice? Nah. Next was Chapel. I sat down in my dreaded front row seat and the white boy behind me asked me why I was wearing a mask and where did I get it. I had to bite back the response that I had it specifically so I could spread the coronavirus, and said that I was sick and got it at CVS.

Then I took a makeup test for Anatomy, got two wrong. Tea. Went to Creative Writing Club even though I felt like crawling into a hole in the ground. Left and went to orchestra, but arrived late as it was across school. Had an incredibly average time there. Arrived back at Oliver and sat by myself, prompting Ketterling to ask if I was ‘exiled’ by everyone. I didn’t want to bluntly say that I wanted to be alone so I kept quiet. I fell asleep for the rest of class and woke up at the last 5 minutes to see everyone taking the reading quiz. I attempted to summarize 30 pages worth of religious analysis in 3 sentences and turned it in without batting an eye since failure is the norm now.

I got home. Procrastinated since I felt so tired from staying up so late the night before. Attempted to finish my Great Gatsby discussion questions, gave up and tried to turn it in. The submission kept having errors and eventually it was past the due date. Cute. I still have my huge math makeup test to study for, as well as anatomy and English quizzes. It’s already midnight, so kill me.

Friday-Sunday have not happened yet, but I expect them to be just as bad.

[santaclaraswift]

hi Taylor! this quite literally is a long shot but ill still give it a go. in the top two pictures you see three girls, if you go left to right through the picture you will see Rachel Fan, Amrutha Satti (me), and Shreya Rao. we’ve been bestfriends since sixth grade because of YOU! we made fanpages together and I think my most favorite fanpage was Queen Taylor Nation on Google +. my most recent one and currently active one is on and instagram, and its called swifttumblr (it got hacked at 99.9K so now we’re back on rebuilding it). anyways we’ve been in love with you for quite some time, and shreya, Rachel, and I actually came to the 1989 World Tour August 14, 2015, night 1 (when you brought out Fifth Harmony) . we met Andrea that night !!!! anyways cutting it to the chase, im seeing you night 1 and night 2 in Santa Clara. Night 1, im seeing it with my bestfriends mentioned before Shreya and Rachel. Our seats are FLOOR M, ROW 23, SEATS 28-30!!! For Night 2 im seeing you with Bhavika (the girl in the last picture to the left) . Bhavika never really listened much to your music until we became friends (and now bestfriends) in freshman year. shreya and Rachel moved to Pleasonton and I didn’t have any people to hang out with, so Bhavika started talking to me and we became bestfriend. Bhavika has never seen you in concert so I personally cannot wait to show her what the Taylor Swift concert is like and for her to experience what ive been experiencing for the longest time ever. for night 2, we are sitting at Floor K, row 38, SEATS 7-8. bhavika is a really short person so I hope she can see from the back or from the other side stages! I really, really, really hope that Rachel, Shreya, and I will be able to meet you for Night ✨ 1 are heres the reason why: In highschool we have these courses called the AP classes. The AP Classes lead into AP exams that we take at the end of the year, that directly leads to college credit so that we have some more weight on our GPA and so that we dont need to take that certain class in college. Well, since all 3 of us are sophomores, Rachel and I took AP classes. if you’ve seen before Im taking AP Psych and AP Euro and Rachel is taking just AP Bio. my AP Psych test is this Monday (5/7) and my Ap Euro test is (5/18), which means I have time to study because its a couple days before the concert and a couple days after. For Rachel on the other hand, her AP Bio test is the Monday after our concert (5/14). She only gets the weekend to prep after the concert, but we all know how drained we will be. I really want to give MY BESTFRIEND the opportunity’s to meet you since she’s risking her grade. if you want you can give just her the rep room pass (she’ll be sitting in seat 29) because she truly loves you and I feel that since she’s risking her whole AP Exam, she literally deserves to meet you. anyways i love you lots T, and drink water during the Arizona show since theres a heat wave pulling up. cant wait to see you kill it on stage :) 💖 @taylorswift