#anyways... lunch time reflections lol

[swankpalanquin]

even though my two years in charlottesville basically feel like a dream and not something that actually happened to me, i still miss it sometimes

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Dire Crowley - Raven Jacket Vignette

"A dramatic encounter"

[Lecture Hall]

Crowley: Good morning. It is beautiful out, what an absolutely splendid start to such a lovely day.

Crowley: Incidentally… Have you noticed any changes in the apple tree growing in the courtyard?

Crowley: Yes, that's right. I'm speaking of the smallest, most recent planted tree within the courtyard.

Crowley: It feels as though it was only yesterday that it first started sprouting, and yet… It truly is growing at an astonishing rate.

Crowley: Whenever I chance a glance at that ever-striving tree growing each and every day under rain, shine or clouds, I also feel a twinge of self-reflection to be better.

Crowley: As if telling me that in both happy times and sad, one cannot forget to continue to strive for growth.

Crowley: And also… At the same time, I feel as though that tree represents all you students enrolled here at Night Raven College.

Crowley: That is, with respect to the point that with a good environment and proper nourishment, you all are able to grow and mature so wonderfully.

Crowley: …Well? Wouldn't you say that was an inspiring speech!?

Leona: Zzz.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME. I JUST HEARD A VERY LARGE SNORE THERE, WHO WAS THAT!?

Azul: It was magnificent! I was utterly enthralled by your wonderfully deep analogy. As one should expect from someone like you, Crowley-sensei!

Riddle: Really? I could have done with a little more tangible explanation, myself.

Riddle: What especially caught my attention was what you said about having "proper nourishment." Headmage, sir! What would that constitute?

Idia: Forget that, was this student assembly even a need? It's not even lol-worthy to think about how much time we've wasted having to listen to the Headmage's self-indulgent monologues on loop.

Vil: I concur. If all you wish to do is chit-chat, could you not gather the entire student body? I would rather use my mornings for my stretching exercises.

Octavinelle Student: Yeah, it's always some kind of useless speech.

Heartslabyul Student: I wanna go back to my dorm～

[clamoring]

Crowley: EVERYONE PLEASE QUIET DOWN!

Crowley: Anyway! What I was trying to say is…

Crowley: I would like everyone here to carry yourself with pride as befitting a student of Night Raven College.

Kalim: Oh! I was totally lost with what you were saying earlier, I see, so that's what you meant!

Kalim: I totally get it. I'll work hard just like an orange tree does!

Crowley: AN APPLE TREE!

[door opens]

Crowley: Hm? Who could possibly be showing up this late to… Ah.

Malleus: …

Crowley: D-DRACONIA-KUN!

Crowley: Right, did anyone tell him that there was to be a campus-wide student assembly…?

Everyone: Not at all.

Malleus: Was I not extended an invitation once again?

Malleus: You have the gall... To leave me outcast…

[lightning strikes down]

Crowley: W-Wait, Draconia-kun! Do not cast your lightning indoors!

Leona: Yaaaawn… Done blabbering, then? 'Kay, meeting over. Everyone back to their dorms.

[everyone nods]

Crowley: Aah, everyone, wait! If you're leaving, please take Draconia-kun with you!

[Cafeteria]

Crowley: For goodness’ sake. This morning could have gone much better.

Crowley: However, no matter what tribulations I may come across… Once it is time for lunch, I immediately feel much better!

Crowley: And that's all thanks to the delicious fare our school provides. What is the recommended meal of the day?

Ghost Chef: Welcome, Headmage. Today's recommendation is an exceptionally filling meat pie filled with large chunks of beef!

Crowley: Sounds fantastic. Please, I would have that, then.

Crowley: Oh, hello, Crewel-sensei and Vargas-sensei. I see Trein-sensei is with you too!

Crowley: Are you all taking lunch together? May I join you?

Vargas: Absolutely, yes, come and sit with us! I bet it'd be more than a hassle to find another seat when it's this crowded, anyway.

Crewel: I also was unable to find other seating, so here I am, reluctantly keeping company with a scold.

Trein: I do believe if you wish to avoid a lecture you would do well to not do anything warranting one.

Trein: …Oh. I see that you've ordered the beef pie, Headmage.

Crowley: That's correct. I am an avid connoisseur of meat, yes.

Crowley: Of course I'll eat it all, including beef, pork, chicken, and even wild game.

Trein: Wild game?

Crowley: Indeed, gibier, it's called. Have you ever tried it?

Vargas: Oh yeah, gibier! Last time I had some was when I ate some venison, and it sure did taste so delicious that I was overflowing with energy～

Crowley: You have a distinguished palate, Vargas-sensei. How wonderful.

Crowley: There are a multitude of other gibier meat to try, you know. I do hope you all have a chance to…

Sam: ＩＮ ＳＴＯＣＫ ＮＯＷ!

Everyone: AHH!!

Crowley: S-Sam-kun… I implore you to not pop in from behind us like that!

Sam: Nyeheehee. You all looked like you were lost in such enjoyable conversation, I just couldn't help myself.

Crewel: This is a rare sight, Sam. You're usually tending to the Mystery Shop around this time, aren't you?

Sam: The cafeteria ghosts had asked for a delivery of some ingredients, is all.

Sam: Headmage, if you're interested in some gibier that's a little more difficult to get your hands on, you know I got you.

Sam: Whatever kind of food you may want, I can procure it for you.

Crowley: You're fantastic, Sam-kun. How wonderfully supportive. However…

Crowley: In all actuality, I also have a fondness for vegetables, fruits and sweets in addition to meat. I love anything that is not spicy!

Crewel: I am fully aware. For as long as I remember, your omnivorous habits have made for quite the reputation.

Crowley: Omniv… Could you possibly say that in a more appropriate manner!?

Sam: …Hm? I just noticed that everyone's ordered very different dishes. Really goes to show each of your preferences.

Vargas: Since I always have my muscles on my mind, I make it so my lunches are egg dishes packed full of protein!

Crewel: I do like meat pies myself, so I did consider it… But that size is far too much for me.

Crewel: It may be perfect for those growing students, but it is most likely in excess of the recommended nutritional intake for us adults.

Trein: Indeed. I also selected something else when I saw it with my own eyes.

Trein: If I ate such a thing for lunch, I would still feel it weighing me down during afternoon classes.

Crowley: Is that so? Such a shame. It's so delicious～

Vargas: Nice, that's a great appetite you got. I'll have to work hard to keep up!

Trein: Look at him, devouring that hearty and greasy meat pie so easily… He truly is young at heart…

Crewel: You're not wrong, he hasn't changed one bit from my student days.

Trein: For that matter, I don't believe he's changed since I started my tenure here at Night Raven College…

Crewel: Headmage… How old is he truly? I'm curious, and yet I'm not sure I want to know…

Sam: Nyeheehee. He's truly a man of mystery. It piques one's curiosity.

Crowley: Ah, so delicious. Past me deserves such gracious thanks for hiring these Five-Star restaurant chefs.

Crowley: And what a dramatic encounter it was meeting those chef ghosts.

Crowley: That was… Oh, hm. How many decades ago, now?

[Main Street]

Crowley: Now, what shall I do this afternoon? The other professors are busy with classes, so mayhaps I'll go while away the time at Sam-kun's shop…

???: We ain't gotta sweat the small stuff, c'mon.

Crowley: Hm? This voice…

Grim: No one'll notice if we skip one or two classes. We should totally just snag a few z's instead, myahaha!

1. Let's hurry and head back towards the classroom. 2. Maybe you're right and no one will catch us…

Crowley: That certainly was Grim-kun's voice, I see…

Crowley: Even if it is just those two, how could there be anyone with the audacity to cut class at my academy! I absolutely cannot believe it!

Savanaclaw Student: Hey, we'll be using that bench to relax on while we ditch class. Get off.

Grim: Huuh!? I'm the one who found this sunny spot first!

Crowley: WHA― THERE ARE OTHERS CUTTING CLASS AS WELL!?

Crowley: Not only are there multiple students missing class, it seems a fight is about to break out, as well… What is with this break in decorum at this school?

Crowley: EXCUSE ME, YOU LOT! YOU SHOULD ALL BE IN CLASS RIGHT NOW!

Grim: Urgh. Someone annoying's found us.

Crowley: [Yuu]-kun, it is most troublesome if you cannot look after Grim-kun properly.

1. I'm sorry.

Crowley: How refreshing… It's so moving to have someone apologize so forthright immediately after breaking a rule…

2. Grim just doesn't listen to me.

Crowley: Y-You're just running yourself ragged, I see… Poor thing to have to deal with Grim-kun like this.

Crowley: All of you return to class this instant. It should be an honor that you have the privilege of attending classes here.

Crowley: Magic is not something so simple that can be controlled on talent alone.

Crowley: Of course, natural talent may be important, but what truly matters is maturing your abilities through daily growth and experiences.

Crowley: You all do remember my very loving speech from this morning, yes?

Grim: It was all about somethin' boring, so I wasn't listening.

Ignihyde Student: Yeah. Same.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME!? [Yuu]-kun, please tell me you had your listening ears on this morning?

1. Of course I remember.

Crowley: Whew... At least you're a good student.

2. Something about grape trees, right?

Crowley: APPLE TREES!

Ignihyde Student: Man, you're so annoying… You keep yammering on, but there's really no reason to listen to you, is there?

Diasomnia Student: Seriously. It’s not like I've ever seen the Headmage do any kind of crazy strong magic or anything, and even the Housewardens were ignoring him at the student assembly…

Savanaclaw Student: He ain't scary at all. Just ignore him!

Crowley: …What pitiful children.

Crowley: Well, I suppose I have no choice. I'll just have to show you exactly how important incremental advancement in your studies can be.

Crowley: …FOR MY KINDNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Students: HRRGHH!

Grim: Oh hey, that stuff wrapped around those guys is the Headmage's uh… weird rope thing!

Crowley: This is not rope. This is my lash of love! A slightly stronger version than before.

Savanaclaw Student: OW, OW! I'M GETTING SQUEEZED～!

Diasomnia Student: This kinda magic should be no problem to break out… Hurng, I can't!? Wh-Why? Our magic's not even making a scratch on it!

Crowley: That should be expected. You do realize I am the Headmage here, yes? This level of magic comes as easily to me as breathing does.

Crowley: It's one thing when those who comprehend my power, like the Housewardens, speak in jest…

Crowley: But it would be completely disgraceful of me as an instructor to be belittled by students like you who have no knowledge of the difference in our abilities.

Crowley: You should try to comprehend how unripe your magical abilities still are.

Grim: Yeah, yeah, get 'em, Crowley! Show 'em what little they know!

1. I wouldn't get too carried away… 2. Wouldn't it be better to run before…?

Crowley: And a lash of love for you! My more heedful version!

Grim: GRRAAH～!

1. Astounding, no matter how many times I see it! 2. Your lightning quick flick made quick work of him!

Crowley: Heh, you don't have to go that far in praising… Hold on now, Grim-kun! No matter how much you thrash about, nothing will come of it. Calm yourself.

Crowley: After all, I have such high expectations for you, Grim-kun. That includes you too, [Yuu]-kun.

Crowley: I fully believe that the two of you will be integral to changing the future of this academy.

Crowley: I'm sure you two will be all I hope for and more, don't you?

Grim: Yeah, yeah, I gotchu. Just leave it all to the genius Grim-sama.

Grim: …SO LET ME GO ALREADY～!

Crowley: Well then. I suppose I'll just take you all to your assigned classes just like this now.

Grim: Huh!? If you drag us along all tied up like this, everyone that'll see us will all point and laugh…!

Grim: LET GO, LET ME GOOO!

Crowley: I must make sure that you Night Raven College students properly reflect on your actions and learn from each experience.

Crowley: And that is because you are all one of my very precious, precious apple trees...

Requested by Anonymous.

[o0kawaii0o]

Had issues with layout in the ask post so here's the rest!

However 1 artist comes to mind for now and that's Murata Yusuke; I'm rereading Eyeshield21 (again lol) and each time his art makes me go "wah so damn good".

From colours, to how dynamic and alive pieces can feel, to lighting/shading, to textures, etc. Lot of the pieces also have this feel of mundanity in it which I really like, and I also how at time I feel like I'm there as well. I love the mixture of realism in lighting/shading (and at times anatomy) with the manga/comic style!

The last image also was a bit of an inspo for my latest Luffy art!

As for tutorial, I might elaborate in another post at some point (cus it's quite a broad thing to go about). Like I've mentioned before, I'm soaking up things along the way! Which includes things like colour theory, lighting/shading, composition, etc. But I personally don't recommend forced research/practice; art needs to be fun after all, take things at a time but it might be nice to try something new with each piece, however how subtle.

I can recommend Saito Naoki's YT channel! I watch his 'whimsical correction' videos during lunch at times haha - Each 'correction' (more like professional advice) has a certain goal/theme which can be improved upon, which can be story wise, appeal, anatomy, etc.

--

Anyway, some advice I have for now are kinda my 'cheats' will follow now! [Disclaimer: these are things that work for me and are by no means the 'correct' way of doing things. So if I say things like "avoid this", it's something I personally do.]

My strength lies I think mostly in my lighting/shading at this moment!

My flats aren't bad or anything, but I feel like it really comes alive after shading. And the first thing to do is to establish where the light source is. Try to avoid 'pillow shading', work in bigger shapes and don't be afraid to do so. Working digitally, I can recommend to take a big brush and just put it very roughly on your character. You have the means with digital art to easily erase parts that are too much and to refine shapes afterwards.

One cheat is bouncing light.

(This was a Multiply mode layer set back to Normal mode for sake of visibility.)

You gotta have a bit of understanding of volume of where to apply it, but it's light that's been reflected by e.g. the ground back up again. This little variation in shading can add a lot. Note that it's better to go from the OG shading colour and sliding it on the colour wheel (hue) to be either warmer or cooler and then sliding in the square/triangle (saturation and value).

More examples of bouncing lights:

It depends how intense the light is reflected; the more, the harsher the contrast is compared to the OG shading colour.

Second cheat is 'light terminator' and 'substance scatter', not sure if it's really the correct terms but oh well.

This reddish tone (again on the Multiply shading layer) is kinda the border line from light to shade. It's reddish on skin (if you have red blood haha) but you apply it on other things with other colours too!

Make sure you don't overdo it and put it everywhere, also note if you use harsh or blended brush strokes, maybe even both for variation! Try it out and see what works best for you!

--

That's it for now; this took more time out of me than planned 💀 you better appreciate this anon! /jk

My main motto regarding art is "fck around and find out". This mindset also helps with keeping art fun!

[leviathans-watching]

Hello! Could you possibly do a scenario of the obey me boys x a main character who is financially struggling? They don’t have a lot of money ever, and always feel insecure about money and gifts, or spending any! It would be really comforting!!

concerns about money

includes: mammon, asmo &/x gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

wc: .6k | rated g | m.list

a/n: hopefully you enjoy! i grew up in a household where we had to worry about these things so this is pretty reflective of my own experience lol. anyway, my inbox is open to chat, request, or leave feedback, so come say hi!!

warnings: money insecurity and other financial struggles, accidental pushy behavior

please reblog!!

“mc, let’s go out,” asmo calls, beckoning you towards the lunch table. with a sigh, you set your tray down, giving him a smile.

“nah, not today.”

“but why?” he whines, peering at you. “are you not feeling well?”

if only that were the reason. “we went out earlier this week,” you say, “so there’s no reason to go out again.”

“lame,” mammon jeers playfully. “c’mon, we were thinking karaoke.”

“the two of you can go and have fun without me,” you attempt good-naturedly.

“but it’s no fun without you,” asmo whines. “no offense, mammon.”

as they continue to squabble over your head, you begin to eat your lunch, thinking you’re in the clear. but before you know it, they’ve made up and are once again trying to convince you.

“why not?” mammon asks after you say no yet again, and you sigh.

“look, after shopping the other day, my poor wallet’s feeling kind of light. so i need to hold off until my next paycheck.” which won’t be very much, unfortunately. between your new student council duties and other extracurriculars, you’d had very little time to work.

“aw, don’t mind,” mammon dismisses. “i’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“i’ll pay for you,” asmo offers, and you stiffen.

“no, really, it’s fine. i’ll just sit this one out.”

“don’t be like that.” asmo waves a hand. “you know i’m good for it.”

“look,” you say thinly, “i don’t feel like you guys get it.”

“get what?” mammon asks.

“what it feels like to not have money always at your fingertips.” a long silence follows your words, and you soldier on. “look, mammon, even when you’re ‘poor’, you always have the security of food on the table and a roof over your head. i wasn’t that lucky, and even now i still have to think about saving up, about my next paycheck, about spending responsibly.”

“you grew up economically disadvantaged?” asmo asks. “i never knew that.”

“i never mentioned it. and you can say poor. in poverty. whatever. but yes. my family wasn’t lucky enough to come from money, or be around for centuries to establish ourselves as money-making celebrities like you guys. we lived off of food stamps and shitty houses with cheap rent and even though i’m not living like that anymore i can’t just forget it all. i can’t just do whatever i wish with my money and be carefree.”

“but we’ll always support you,” mammon says, and you give him a sad smile.

“and that’s very kind, but it’s something i can’t accept. i can’t just live off of you guys for free and leech off of you. even if it’s not and issue to you guys,” you continue, heading off asmo, who looks like he’s going to open his mouth, “it’s an issue to me. and i ask that you guys understand that and be more mindful. i’m not saying i can’t ever go out, or we can’t talk about money, i just ask that you’re a bit less pushy when i say no to stuff and understand where i’m coming from.”

“we can do that!” mammon exclaims, passion surprising you.

“yeah,” asmo agrees, nodding vigorously. “we’re sorry. let’s just stay in tonight and watch a movie.”

“you can still go out-”

asmo cuts you off, expression softening. “we already told you, mc, it’s more fun with you. we’re willing to stay in if it means staying with you. you’re much better than karaoke anyway.”

you laugh, relieved. relieved that they aren’t looking at you pityingly, are understanding, and aren’t making it a big deal. “thanks guys. but only if i get to pick the movie.”

leviathans-watching's work - please do not copy, repost, or claim as your own

[bunkernine]

hi pls ignore this if i have mistaken you for someone else and am making a fool out of myself but are you the person who wrote isosceles?? because that fic altered my brain on an abnormal and chemical level way back when and i just remembered it the other day and binged it all again and i feel like i remember there being a few other fics in that universe (one from travis’s pov iirc) and i wanted to know where they are. of course if you are not the person who wrote isosceles i am a fool and feel free to ignore this ❤️

I did, yeah.

I wrote it when i was 14 so at a certain point i didn't want to be associated with it because it didn't reflect me as much anymore. It was my big baby at the time!!! But i divorced from that a few years ago. As for the other universe fics, if i remember correctly: connor, drew, a vers where jason admits to liking him back (some point isos implied that jason DID like leo back but was too confused to do anything).... But i deleted those first because they just weren't as fun, and my own friend group was falling apart so it felt too close.

But yes, you have found me LOLOL. Isos is orphaned, but unfortunately the other fics are deleted fr. Sorry :( but thanks for enjoying it!!! 💖

(ramblings under the cut)

The reason why i didnt delete isos too was because so many people were saying what you are now. If i could, id rewrite it (both with style and plot differences) and do a whole new remastered version. Im not sure why i decided to write his senior year when i was a freshman/sophomore LOL so I always figured I would've came back to it when I was older.... Clearly I did not.

I WAS miserable in high school, at least socially. So Leo was a little TOO personal and it made me mad when i basically did what he did towards the end. I spent some time just doing some random apolleo fics. Capolleo series, so my name should've been capolleon by then? LOLOLOL i had been majorly influenced by some now-deleted fic which is why apollo is even there 💀 but now im apollos age in the fic and im like 'hmm. Yeah maybe not...'

Then there was a fic that was coming out towards the end of isos that i felt was copying me 😭😭😭 ← 14/15 yr old feelings. Who cares! But i would update and then they would update and i was so paranoid 😭😭😭 honestly, the vibe in general for valgrace in 2018 is much different than right now, and it was much more open and varied in topics. This is not to discredit the current valgrace leaders or whatever the fuck, but the vibe is just ... Pretty different.

But yeah. Im sort of using this ask as an excuse to talk about it, but isos was SO big and what i was known for within the small vg circle (outside of the text fic at the same time 💀) so i was constantly reminded of it. And dont get me wrong, i ADORED that fic when i was writing it. I was upset whenever my life was too messy for me to drop the chapter of the month. Double updates felt so ... Um. Mature and awesome, like i was a professional 💀 i wrote leo as bisexual but he had a pretty strong inclination to men because i was figuring I'm out that I wasn't bisexual but a lesbian, but I couldn't really articulate that, especially as I was dating a guy through that fic. That was some cute little endpoint i was gonna have but its reality frightened me so it was dropped... The complexities of piperleojason were insane to think about when i was like, crying at lunch in my bf's car 😭 When it was posting, i left some really crazy A/N's showing how volatile i was at the time, that i eventually deleted. But i was so proud of it and it was a comfort to write. I think the drafts were a lot more raw but people loved it anyway.

Anyway. It's been a while since I've been able to talk about this fic. People have left the most loving comments in the world and it connected with a lot of readers. Its also my only fic that had fanart and playlists and such made for it! I was so proud of that! I dont think people understand how incredible that is and it truly is the dream for fic writers!!! I have other fics that inspired ppl, but isos was the one ppl constantly flocked to or appreciated :)

I used to cry writing some parts of it and now it just feels like an old diary entry. I haven't read it in a while and thought about remaking it (probs... As college kids though) but haven't bothered. Technical-wise, theres so many things that are dropped or forgotten or are just clumsy but thats really just a maturity thing.

Anyway THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!! Ppl dont ask me about my fics like they used to which was the whole reason why i made this account :(((( among other things, lack of interactions in fandom have decreased so much :((((

Love love love uuuuuuuuu

[stillgeekingout]

I was gonna be like "would you believe it's my 10th one of these" but apparently tumblr has a CHARACTER LIMIT now????? why would they nerf me on the year I decided not to worry about how long it was

anyway I guess I'm splitting this in 2 so reflections on 2023 part one~

let's start with work bc then I want to be done with it: I spent all year doing trainings (& 2 conferences) and researching and preparing to apply for an advisor position if it ever opened up. it did open up in spring, I applied and did not get it, the new advisor was not good and got fired, I applied again having done much more training and still did not get it, I applied for a different advisor position trying to triumphantly leave my office and did not get that either. so now I’m still in my same position working under the person who beat me for the job but this time with a bunch of extra responsibility that I gave myself trying to prep to be promoted. lol. if I sound very bitter it’s because I am :)))) 

all that being said, I do still mostly like my job from day to day. and I still want to do advising, probably. if they’ll ever hire me for it

related to work but less bitter: I had mostly good relationships with my coworkers. one of them was pregnant for a lot of the year and just had her baby last week and I’m very excited to meet her (we went to her baby shower despite all her friends being Very Christian lol it was a time) (this coworker is uhhhh A Lot but it’s complicated lol). I got to be on the hiring committee for another coworker which was a cool experience and also she is very nice. got closer with another coworker who I previously had kind of a tenuous relationship with (and now she works fully remote so it doesn’t even matter) (jk)

another thing I did in my quest to Be Hireable was basically take over supervising the student leaders (work study students) at work. shoutout to esteban, isa, aar and sheri lol

I have inherited my mother’s trait of getting attached to problem children. there are several students who are a recurring Thorn In My Side but also I’m rooting for them

last work thing that is only tangentially a work thing: I became the advisor for GSA at my campus and now I have a bunch of queer college students under my wing. a few of us walked in pride which was my first time being in the parade and it was wild. also we had an event for trans awareness week and I am proud of them for coming up with it :)) more exciting things to come this year. feels good to have a little corner where I can provide support in the face of so many attacks from the FL govt

let’s get the other big bad thing out of the way! my mental health was shit lol. I briefly was doing virtual appointments with a therapist in the spring but it mostly just made me feel weird and untherapizable. (as in, I didn’t feel like I was getting much out of it but I think part of that was that it was zoom calls from my car on my phone during lunch breaks) although it did lead to me leaving my phone outside of the bedroom at night and putting timers on my apps which I think have been net positives even if they haven’t made as much of a difference as I hoped. 

the aforementioned job stress was a huge part of it, the application process lasted like 2 months and then they left me on the hook after the interview for Multiple Weeks which was. a bad time.

another part of it was I was alone a lot on weekends and I’m not very good at using my time off to do fun and nice things when I’m by myself, usually I end up just stewing in my brains. I did try to get in the habit of occasionally going to these nice gardens near us so maybe I will do that more this year also.

also health related: got my first mammogram this year. it was uncomfortable but fine. also got my first pap smear which was QUITE PAINFUL AND UNPLEASANT but I did survive it

also tangentially health related: I tried a few times throughout the year to do yoga. for a lil bit I was doing it with some coworkers after work once a week. some of it I did with some people from the carry on discord. it was very intermittent but better than nothing at all!

last health thing: my dad’s siblings had an Exceptionally Shitty Summer. one of his sisters died, another of his sisters had an extreme staph infection and was in the hospital for weeks, and one of his brothers had a mini stroke and possibly also a heart attack? the latter two are doing okay now but it was rough for a minute there

ENOUGH BAD STUFF I turned 30 this year! three full decades on this earth

Ingrid got her work authorization and a job and later in the year her green card!

I paid off my car (and also my car is having a lot of minor problems but that’s just… having a car)

I made a few financial mistakes (messed up our taxes, accidentally got a best buy credit card) but they are hopefully still fixable and overall we still saved money by the end of the year. we tried to keep a budget for a while but it was hard to keep up with. we also tried to join a credit union but their customer service was really weird

made a halfhearted attempt at local politics (went to a few protests, one city planning thing, and one socialist alternative meeting)

stay tuned for part 2 since tumblr hates me apparently

[ballonleaparadise]

Professor Friede's Laboratory

This is a fic that I started writing a while ago. It's a loose backstory for Friede. It's recently been announced that we're getting a proper backstory for Friede and Captain Pikachu in this weeks episode, so it makes more sense to post this now rather than later lol Thank you so much for reading!!

A03:

Summary

When Friede has an unexpected visit from a friend, he begins to reflect on his life choices.

Professor Friede's Laboratory Sunlight fell through the curtains, illuminating the right side of Friede's face. He fidgeted in his swivel chair. On the far side of the laboratory, the grandmother clock counted down to midday. The professor turned to his pokemon. Pikachu sat on the windowsill, watching the traffic waver past. "Pika", the pokemon said affectionately, before climbing onto Friede's lap. Before his mind wandered any further, Friede opened his packed lunch. He was in a strange state of feeling hungry but having little appetite. Still, he had to eat. He looked at the clock again. At 1:00pm, he would start filing paperwork. At 2:00pm, he would type up his research findings from the weekend. The rose-patterned wallpaper swamped the room like a never-ending forest. Sometimes, it felt as if the walls were caving in on him.

Friede was finishing his wrap, when a knock came from the door. He rushed over to answer, with Pikachu in pursuit. Orla stood in the corridor, dressed in a floral blouse and baggy jeans. "Long time no see?!" she exclaimed. "Orla, hi!" said Friede, half surprised, as a wave of relief washed over him. Orla hugged him, nearly knocking him off balance. "I thought you were travelling?" Friede asked as they parted. "I wanted to take a break. It's nice to be back... and how are you, Pikachu?" Orla stroked the electric mouse, as he squealed happily. She paused: "are you busy? I don't want to barge in." Friede looked over to his paperwork. It would wait. He smiled: "don't worry about me, come in!"

Friede made two cups of tea, and they sat in the lounge area. Orla told him about her recent travels. She had not long graduated from university. She was extremely clever, gaining a first in engineering. However, she had always told him how she wanted to see more of the world. Friede, on the other hand, had never left academia. "Anyway, what have you been up to?" Orla continued, sipping her tea. "You know, the usual," Friede replied. "Any new findings?" Pikachu turned to his trainer promptly. "Oh yeah, I've been looking into terrastralisation," Friede remembered. "That's interesting!" "It's a fascinating mechanic. It can change a pokemon's typing completely."

The conversation died down quickly. Friede checked his watch out of habit. It was 1:30pm- but that meant nothing to him. Right now, nothing else mattered. He clenched his fingers.

"Are you okay?" Orla asked. "Yeah, fine," Friede murmured, sitting upright. "Orla," he started, "have you ever thought that there might be more to life than... settling down and getting a job?" Orla laughed: "yeah, that's why I went travelling. Why?" Friede shrugged: "just wondering. Anyway, putting that aside-" Orla talked across him: "Friede, what's wrong? You've been tensed up ever since I got here." Pikachu's ears pricked up at her words. Friede sighed: "I just... I feel couped up all the time, in this lab," he admitted, "I thought this was what I always wanted- to learn more about pokemon." Orla tilted her head, worried: "maybe you need a break. You can't push yourself too hard." "No, it's not like that. I don't know if this job's for me anymore... I want to see more of the world, too. You know all of the adventures we used to go on? I miss that."

Friede needed some air, so Orla suggested going for a walk. The sun was harsh when they left. The paving absorbed the summer heat like a sponge. They visited the beach, which was only ten minutes away from the laboratory. Along the harbour, wingul flocked the masts of each boat. The sea was a simmering shade of turquoise. Friede sometimes became so caught up in his studies, that he didn't spare the time to come here. Suddenly, the pair noticed a familiar boat approaching the shore.

"Old man Ludlow!" Orla exclaimed, waving. The fishing boat pulled up ashore, and a stout man climbed out. It was undoubtedly Ludlow. Whenever Friede was on the seafront, he would see the old man fishing. Despite this, he didn't interact with him very often. Ludlow was a reserved individual, who only spoke when it was important.

"Great to see you!" said Friede, as Ludlow approached them. Pikachu hopped onto Friede's shoulder. "Nice day for fishing, huh?" Orla added, nodding towards the sea. Ludlow stroked his beard: "it certainly is. How are you studies coming along, Friede?" "Swimmingly" Friede quipped. Orla rolled her eyes: "he's researching terrastralisation." "Oh, I see. That's a very mysterious mechanic indeed..." Ludlow began humming to himself.

The sunny atmosphere of the beach was short-lived, as a layer of cloud obscured the light. Gentle drizzle swiftly developed into a downpour. Friede addressed the others: "shall we?" The three retreated to the nearby cafe, which overlooked the harbour. The view of the seafront was glazed with falling droplets. Friede and Pikachu sat opposite Orla and Ludlow, by the cafe window. Each of them, with their own pasts and experiences. The laboratory remained in the back of Friede's mind. He thought of the piles of paperwork which demanded his attention. He did not want to go back. In time, the grey terrain dissolved, revealing the sky again. All of a sudden, Orla pointed: "look!" Sure enough, an airship soared above. Friede had never seen one before. The vessel was a dark shade of blue, which contrasted with the surrounding brightness. It was huge, sporting propellers at either end. Before Friede could comment, the airship moved on, leaving entrails in the clouds behind it.

[tiffanylamps]

I had a dream that Juwon was partnered up with Jihwa (who was in Manyang somehow) instead of Dongsik and uhhh this absolutely breaks the plot. But also. It's interesting to think about how Juwon would have approached his Dongsik investigation if Nam Sangbae didn't make them partners. (And also fun to think about how he and Jihwa would work together as police partners lol, especially since she's Dongsik's friend so maybe Juwon would try to take advantage of that somehow.) Anyway. I had to tell someone because once I woke up my brain went brrr

Anon, this is actually pretty genius! I ended up getting carried away and writing a load of gibberish lol

I have always felt like ji hwa and joo won reflect one another within the story*, as they often share the same beliefs regarding their role as officers of the law (and the fact they're the two "obvious" love interests for dong sik 😂). ji hwa and joo won believe that they are cops first, whereas dong sik doesn't hold the same attitude (which makes total sense for the narrative/themes of the story + the character's history). I think, if BE were a normal cop comedy/romcom, ji hwa and joo won would make pretty good partners because they're both very intelligent and diligent workers. They also can play to each other's strengths: ji hwa's experience and leadership skills versus joo won's attention to detail and tenacity. Plus, joo won respects ji hwa more so than the rest of his superiors, so, I think (once he gets passed his jealousy and mistrust) he would listen to her (and learn a lot from her). But... BE takes place during an unusual time period due to the cold cases/serial killings. So, the plot needed joo won to become dong sik's partner because I don't think the story would have progressed as quickly as it did, otherwise. Plus, ji hwa would have reported joo won for his involvement with lee geum hwa and would have never gone along with his brilliantly batshit crazy plans. jwds work perfectly with one another because they're on the same level of E x t r a- anyone else would get extremely tired of joo won during this era of his life (he needed dong sik's patience/different perspective on life). Having said that, let's indulge in the possibility for a sec... I don't know if Joo Won would have been able to play it cool if he were ji hwa's partner, instead of dong sik's. He's obsessed with the guy, so you know he would be constantly asking questions (which he thinks are super sly but are actually SO obvious). ji hwa would totally be like "do you like him or?????" 😂 We would have had more scenes of joo won in the butcher shop, as it would be the more reasonable way for him to interact with dong sik... but... he still would have found a way to get into that basement. The guy was so desperate for an excuse to engage with his new favourite person suspect. Oh my god, imagine ji hwa, joo won, dong sik, and ji hoon meeting up on their lunch breaks and joo won is just staring at dong sik the entire time 😂 ("Yah, Ji Hwa, tell your partner-" "-tell him yourself, Dong Sik. he's right here-" "-to stop staring at me. Otherwise, I might get the wrong impression 😏" "That's unprofessional, Assistant Inspector Lee 😑" "So is staring at a colleague." "I was not-" "He does have a point, Han Joo Won-ssi..." "See? Ji Hoon-ah thinks so." "Yah, Dong Sik-" "Assistant Inspector Lee, I don't know what you're implying-" "Do you need me to spell it out for you?" "Aigoo, stop it. Both of you. I'm trying to eat my lunch without vomiting.") There are so many fun possibilities! I love this option if BE were an (obvious) romcom! Anyway, yeah. I got carried away there. Sorry for the rambling and corny dialogue. This is a super fun ask, thanks for sharing it with me 😊

*and dong sik and jae yi reflect one another: victims of corruption. super clever, cunning, and able to see past people's bullshit.

[vote-gaara]

Babe.....I am luvin the sands of time series and hope you continue puttin out new chapters 🙌 I have been reading them on my lunch break.

Also luv the fact they read like canon but quick question: Does kaya impact the canon events? Do her and Gaara become close friends or is it more like a friends at a distance type deal like Nartuo and Lee?

Either way I approve.

The fact you read my crappy fan fiction on your lunch break means just so much to me for some reason???? Is that strange????

Thank you so much, and honestly because I am fickle at the best of times, I can't lie and say I'll be pumping out chapters left and right. To be honest, I'm going ham on the fan fiction right now to avoid my chemistry homework (lol).

But as for your question: No, Kaiya does not impact the canon events aside from perhaps making Gaara's transition to being a good guy seem more realistic. Like...she offers him social practice and reflects his own wants and needs back at him, which makes it easier for him to be braver in social situations.

Also she's a lot of fun, and I do take a lot of the "blank" spaces between canon events to splurge and set them up on whacky adventures (as whacky as you can get with Gaara).

As for their friendship, I would say that they definitely are closer than Gaara's friendship with Lee and Naruto - mostly because they actually interact.

And actually, this is just a really stupid tangent, but Gaara befriends Kaiya twice: Once as himself and once as his feminine alternate ego, Gako.

Okay...Gako wasn't his alternate ego, but rather a person he created to befriend Kaiya in order to spy on her.

What happened was that shortly after Gaara took office, he began receiving a plethora of love letters from all the women in his village, which was surprising to him as the announcement that he was Kazekage was not well received. Worse yet, in the middle of dealing with all of these embarrassing and unprofessional proclamations of love (which have taken up valuable time and resources), Gaara began to suspect that Kaiya was engaging with some nefarious characters that could cause problems for him. He decided the best course of action would be to deal with this personal matter privately by infiltrating Kaiya's personal life by using the transformation jutsu to become Gako.

Gaara, as Gako, "meets" Kaiya for the first at her Girls Only Bookclub, where Gaara realizes that Kaiya has waged a fierce political campaign advocating for him. She convinces the women that he is strong, mysterious and progressive which are all very attractive qualities in a "single" man. She also references the fact that he "is probably very wealthy" and, to add the cherry on top, infers that "the right woman could probably fix him."

Anyways, these not-so-subtle hints swings the female approval rating for Gaara majorly in his favor which is a good thing, but also Gaara can't be too overly joyed by it due to all the annoying letters he's gotten.

Anyways, Gaara/Gako befriends Kaiya and they have a really intense and intimate friendship, where Kaiya pretty much proclaims that Gako is her sister and that she will do anything for her. Gaara, through his alternate ego, actually ends up learning a lot about Kaiya that he wouldn't have gotten to figuring out had he been himself, and begins to feel guilty for being invasive of her privacy. With this, and satisfied that Kaiya wasn't up to no good (she actually was), Gaara stops meeting Kaiya as Gako.

This, however, proves to cause even more problems because Kaiya becomes so worried for her friend that she begs for Gaara's help to look for her, and even offers him money to pay for a mission - something that is so against her usual self. Gaara insists that he would look into it and that there was no need for Kaiya to commission a ninja.

Well, well, well, guess who shows up to visit Kaiya one more time? It's Gako! And she is so sorry to say but her mother, who lives in another country, is really very ill and she will have to leave. She departs, promising Kaiya that she will write to her and Kaiya promises that for every letter she gets from Gako, she will write back (and also send gifts!)

Anyways, Gaara writes to Kaiya FOR YEARS - like all the way into their 30's - as Gako, and he NEVER mentions it to her or reveals that it was him the whole time lol.

So yeah, they're pretty close friends, I guess lol.

[hypaalicious]

I just got fired from my job today and like... im gonna be okay but god.. this wouldn't happen to Ignis

Getting fired does not feel good, and that really sucks 😩 I hope you aren’t taking it as a reflection of your self worth, because these jobs don’t give af about us, frfr. We’re just cogs in a machine.

Want me to tell you how I got fired from my job I gave 7 years to? Maybe it’ll make you feel better!

TL;DR: I mouthed off to an insufferable executive, she reported me to HR, and they fired me. But she got fired too shortly after 😂

Aiight, so boom:

Idk if folks remember but I worked at a casino and moved up from a basic customer service job to a supervisor of that department, then finally an office job with the executives. The group of us had a really nice relationship; pretty casual, went to lunch together, etc. Like, I would have called my boss my friend if I wasn’t very adamant of keeping lines drawn via work power balances.

But… we all got too comfortable with each other, and when it came down to it, I was the only one expendable.

One of the executives was… she wasn’t a good person, tbh. Lol she was very petty, very shallow, made things really hard for our creative team. She had been reported to HR multiple times for inappropriate comments but like outside of a slap on the wrist, she was untouchable because she was besties with the CEO.

Anyway, COVID hit, and shit got real. Most of us stayed in office to work. During lunch one day, this executive’s doctor called her and left a voicemail to get back to him immediately. We were all like ?? but figured she had it covered.

Then, she called out of work a few days later. And then a week passed and she still ain’t show up. They did a deep clean of the cafeteria that we were all at and roped it off.

So yeah, she came down with the rona. Which is ironic because when the pandemic first hit she scoffed at it and was like, “I’m just gonna live my life, ya know?” And I guess life said:

So yeah. Work wise, things went a lot smoother with her gone. I was more involved with the creative team and got shit done without ruffling their feathers. More people from other departments that this executive had pissed off in the past started coming around more. It was the golden age of productivity. LOL

Well, my boss also had her added on IG. And she was pissed cause while she was out with COVID, she’s posting herself going on walks with her dog, going to the gym (unmasked), doing yoga… basically living it up for the gram. We were pissed, lmao.

Anyway after a month and a half, she shows back up to the office. Nobody is really happy about it but oh well. I go into her office to say welcome back.

My pettycopter flew cause I opened my mouth and said, “hey Typhoid Mary, how’s it going?”

She laughed, I laughed, we chatted for awhile, I caught her up on the work we did for her while she was out, that was it. She left her office shortly after.

Well, later that day, my boss comes in my office shaking. I have never seen her that mad. I ask her what’s up, and she tells me “that bitch reported you to HR over a joke” and that I’m suspended until she can pull whatever strings she can to get me back in office. I just nod, pack up my immediate things and leave.

HR calls me in to talk to me about the insensitive things I said and how I violated HIPPA by exposing her medical history… to only her in her office apparently, but whatever.

A week passes and my boss calls me and said despite going all the way to the CEO and ripping assholes in the company president and everything, she can’t reverse the decision and I’m fired.

Should I have said that? Probably not. Do I regret it? Not really. LMFAO sure, I’ve been unemployed and very poor since then but like… I got to finish my book. I got started on my own otome. I reclaimed my life in a lot of ways. Yeah, it’s been stressful in some ways but I wasn’t gonna go anywhere in that job and I was being taken advantage of like whoa.

Also, the executive got fired after that cause her own shenanigans caught up with her. She used company funds for her own personal projects. LOL

I’m looking for another job rn but it’s a bad time to try to get back into the job force as we’re on the way to a recession LOL But still, no regrets!

I felt bad about it at first tho. I’ve never gotten fired before, lol. And it sucks to give 7 years of your life to a company who won’t even give you benefit of the doubt. But… everything happens for a reason, I guess. LOL

So anyway, I am sorry for your loss of income but I don’t think you’re less of a person because you got fired. Ima pray you find a better job with a bigger paycheck in the future!

[iguessitsjustme]

Be My Favorite - Ep 4 Thoughts

I couldn’t watch this yesterday so I’m watching it today and this is probably the last one of these I’ll do. Honestly, I am wholly uninterested in the outcome of this story but here I am seeing if episode 4 changes that though based on what I’ve heard from the most reliable of sources, probably not. ANYWAY time to watch:

-I do still like the opening song. It seriously makes me nostalgic for watching earlier BLs. I like it enough that I slow it back down to watch the opening but speed it back up once it’s done.

-MAX. 

-I want Max’s hair. 

-Is this a tiny bit of self reflection from Kawi? I never would have guessed. 

-My watching has been paused because my older brother has sent me a ten minute long YouTube video of furbies and he’s really going through it right now so I gotta watch and anyway pray for my soul

-This just in: I hate my older brother good god. Okay back to BMF

-Just give Kawi the juice he asked for. Don’t make him drink if he doesn’t want to. 

-This is dumb. I would not give up my bag for this. I’d absolutely refuse to let someone else carry my bag for me. 

-I also wouldn’t participate in throwing someone in a pool. That’s so dangerous and if someone did that to me, I’d never forgive them. Pear is the only person that seems horrified. As she should be. Bless her. 

-This hijab is GORGEOUS:

-Also the girl that wears the hijab is the reason I know Kawi is so full of his own shit and only cares about his own self pity. Because one of the first things that happened in this show was her inviting him to have lunch with her and some classmates. But Kawi was so busy being all “boohoo” I don’t have friends that he missed his chance. And yeah I get that he couldn’t afford it but he could have said he’ll catch the next one or even talked to them once after that. They’re also students so they probably either also can’t afford much or know someone else who can’t. Anyway Kawi is literally surrounded by kind people but let his own shame say they were judging him when what they were actually doing is inviting him out. I’m glad in this episode he’s participating with the class even if it’s only to get close to Pear. Baby steps I suppose. 

-I hate these guys. I’m not Kawi’s biggest fan but he shouldn’t be forced to confess something if he’s not ready and also that was not (lol) Not’s secret to tell. These to need to tippity tap back into the business that pays them and get their noses out of Kawi’s. 

-I know why that friend group bothers me so much. They just peer pressure Kawi because they can and he’s easy to pressure into things. Kawi is surrounded by genuinely the kindest hearts and tenderest souls but managed to join the only friend group full of assholes. Kawi should not trust his own judgement of people. 

-Max is a real one. 

-NOT THE GUITAR. At least this is just friends chilling and singing and not sing your feelings. This I can handle. Except I still hate Not. 

-The biggest victim of this show is Pear. 

-Kawi is not good at small talk. ARE THESE BITCHES LISTENING IN. BRB I GOTTA GO MURDER SOME PEOPLE

-Pear, that was such a gentle rejection while still being straightforward. 

-I could deal without this losing virginity scene. Kawi is too immature to be drinking like this and considering losing his virginity. To someone like Kawi, losing his virginity is probably important and if he loses it this night, while drunk, he’s gonna regret it and feel awful about it. 

-This show feels like Pisaeng is dealing with internalized homophobia and trying (and failing) to repress feelings for his straight friend. 

-I fucking love Pear. I also love her friend. I hope they end up together. 

-I am officially interested enough to watch the next episode. But to be clear, my main interest in this show is Pear, who is just simply the best. 

[studymus]

26.10.22 it’s wednesday and i’m already tired this week. i got sick but idk how to write this type of allergy in english the fact is that I CAN STOP SNEEZING OMG SO IRRITATING. ANYWAY. there’s some pic of my time in uni, after a long time without go to the library i had to stay there and read some class texts.

OTHER FACT its the uni’s restaurant was all prepared to halloween LOL there’s like GIGANTIC spiders on the walls HAHAHA. pity those who are afraid of spiders and had to get lunch.

continuing about my classes… there’s two subjects this semester that is LEAVING ME CRAZY, cause every week we had to do an activity, some of demands creativity and without time we cant think straight. all of these activity’s will result in the museum exhibition that we are building for the next semester. in our exhibition we gonna discuss and reflect about the national identity of brazilian people and what can considered “brazilian culture”.

WISH ME LUCKY

🎧- on and on by djo

[whentherewerebicycles]

hello here is a scruffy little girl keeping vigilant watch over the backyard!!!! NO squirrels allowed!!! we got up at 5:30 but lord I slept badly… had bad racing thoughts trying to fall asleep and then just tossed and turned all night. woke up with a splitting headache but the mood is nevertheless good because after today I only have three days of this loathèd job left :)))))

I think part of the reason I was tossing and turning so much last night is that I was thinking about how much the rhythms of my life are going to change when I’m actually in a real job with a real schedule and real responsibilities. I feel absolutely positive that the tradeoffs will be worth it, but I do want to just emotionally prepare myself for the inevitable adjustment period where I panic a little about not having endless time to cook/walk the dogs for hours/lounge in bed. I think in the summer it will be fine because even if I get home at 5:30 or 6 I’ll still have plenty of time to walk the dogs while it’s light out… the hardest part will probably just be the winter when the sun sets at 4 and I can’t walk the dogs in the middle of the day. but I hope that by the time the Long Dark rolls around I’ll be settled enough in the job that I can arrange my schedule in a way that enables me to meet my human needs! like maybe taking very long lunches and working a bit later so I can drive home and walk the dogs during the day, or just getting the reflective vest & dorky headlight gear that will enable me to do long walks when it’s pitch black out at 5pm lol. and I want to not be afraid to use the hybrid option as needed—if I’m home two days a week, I can take full advantage of that time (and can really savor every second of daylight I get on the weekends). as far as cooking goes, I’m hoping that liz and alex will live close enough for us to cook together a couple times a week, which will make cooking feel more like a joyful social occasion and less of a chore I have to do at the end of a long day. I also think that I am slowly getting to the point where I find the act of cooking itself to be relaxing and fun, so hopefully I can continue to make it feel like a nice calming/centering thing I do for myself as the day winds down.

anyway the point is: big life changes always feel scary!! but that’s because on the cusp of a big change you’re always keenly attuned to the things you’ll be losing (because you have a concrete sense of what those things are) and not as able to imagine all the things you’ll be gaining (because the future is still hazy and ill-defined in your mind). I have complete faith that this change will transform my life in so many positive ways that the adjustments I have to make or the energy I have to put into creating new routines will be more than worth it.

anyway ok!!! I worked from 6:30-8:30 finishing up a project and am now taking a short lounge break before I meet with my lead from 9-10. after that I may have a few work tasks to complete, but if not I can shift my attention to other stuff. here are the things I am committed to doing today:

read through CT material and email him back

send JE a gentle nudge about job materials

unearth these plants that died and put them in plastic pots so I can return them

run at the gym! since I’m being oddly resistant I’m going to lower the expectations for myself! I just want to warm up, run 1 mile, and cool down, which will take me under 20 min. I suspect I’ll end up doing more than that but the point is just to get myself out the door and into the gym.

do all returns (kohl’s, target, old navy, home depot). my shameless bribe to myself is that if I do all that stuff I can buy yellow flowers, a cilantro plant, and a cherry tomato plant.

then I’ll check back in at work and take care of anything that came up before moving on to my afternoon tasks:

read through JS material and email her back

finish generating AU brainstorming prompts

walk the dogs for an hour (it’s deliciously cool out this morning so I might do this earlier in the day to take advantage tbd)

showerrrrrrr

talk to M/HL and book flight

[hideyseek]

12.15.2022

hmm started talking to myself about the writing process during my lunch break so i wanted to jot some ideas down while they're fresh. lots of fic talk below the cut, mostly about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for the kazetsuyo january fandom event.

i'm definitely worried about my ability to produce all of the writing i want to / need to / am promised to produce by the end of this year! mostly i am worried about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for kazeweek 2023! and also i am juggling my secret saito fic. i've never had two writing projects w/ deadlines in the same overlapping space (bc never been active in two fandoms at once) however, i am reminding myself that: 1. i am a much faster writer than i was two years ago! 2. it will be fine!!!!! (can u tell i simply did not have a second thing but wanted to commit to this list format lol)

here are the things i'm not too sure about:

what will the revision process look like? i don't really remember what it was like to thoroughly revise a piece of writing because the last time i did that was ... like jul/aug of 2020 which is now 2+ years in the past

i really want to make sure i'm making interesting narrative choices with what happens in reunion!fic, and part of that is just: i want to make sure i'm not writing the same thing that has been written four million times already! i've done a fair amount of trawling through ao3 reading things tagged "reunion" or "10 years later" or other similar tags, but i'm just not particularly good at this kind of thematic story pattern-matching or narrative elements synthesis. there are a few fics about group reunions (well, one in particular) that i have read and LOVED, so at some point in the revision process i might reread and try to poke at what makes me love them so much.

however!!!!! i will be saved by tvtropes! i did a really quick search this morning before work, and there are a couple pages about reunion stories that i'll take a look at that can hopefully help me pull back and take a more bird's eye view of the story and where it's going.

i don't remember at what point i used to like, split off and just start rewriting the whole fic essentially from scratch in a clean doc. no idea how i used to do that, the thought of having to do this for reunion!fic is ... hugely intimidating and i really don't want to. i'll need to come up with some strategies for how i can do that same revision work but ... not in that one large chunk, but i have ideas. in terms of at what point to move to a new doc ... not sure! i would love to decide beforehand but i don't actually think that's necessary. oh -- no i just remembered: i moved stuff when i was going to start working on it. so after i piece together the down draft, i'll copy the whole thing into a new doc and work off that for my first round of revisions, and then send that copy to betas, and then create a THIRD doc with the raw content of the second draft to work on as i go through beta comments. this is fully just: i love archiving things sooooo much. but hey! it'll work, it'll separate things into pretty distinct stages. i think it will work fine, and i can always reflect and revise the process afterward.

anyway! i was thinking through the strategies that got me to the final draft of a to b (or really, anything else i've finished before) and, i think they are:

revising in chunks -- one thing i did especially close to the final draft was to pull out the scene i was editing and rework it in a separate document and then paste it back into the "main" document. i think this will also serve me well with reunion!fic. i've noticed that i tend to get overwhelmed when faced with large chunks (more than a couple hundred words) of writing to either produce or "make good" (a task that is unfortunately completely distinct in my mind form the actionable task of revision). i'm hoping that deliberately

revision wishlist -- this is not something i did when writing a to b but i've seen some writers on here talk about it, and it appeals to the part of me that works best given essentially, a checklist of goals to work through systematically. i think once i've got my rough / down draft completely (likely today, mainly pulling from my organizing doc of previous draft material and my drafting ("outlining" lol) doc that i've been putting tiny scenes into in the last week), i'll read through it and make notes of anything that i notice that is ... not what i'm looking for in the final draft. i might need to do this a few times, with varying levels of verbally guiding myself, some things i want to check are: pacing, haiji's emotional arc (does it exist?), whether the tension is being sustained/raised through scenes or if it diffuses in places i don't mean for it to, consistent characterization (or at least, believably older!haiji characterization, my number one nemesis aha).

i suspect that having a poetic or musical emotional "anchor" for the fic will help a lot, that definitely helped guide some smaller tone/mood (sorry to my english teachers i kinda don't know the difference) decisions for a to b. however ... this time i do not have a convenient buddy to send me music, and i am simply: not very skilled at mentally linking these things. well ... i also thought about going through some web weavings on here for the vibe and then seeking out the full texts. or i'll just go through my tag for reunion!fic and hope that past!me did my proper duty haha.

lol ok. cool. i am very excited!!! but also very nervous!!!

[ibelieveinghost]

6/12/24

firstly, i got that job.

i got that job.

i got that job.

the offer came exactly a week ago, and somehow i never cared to write (more like, bark) about it. now i had a few drinks and some quiet time(not exactly worry-free)... so, i'll write something.

i think i know what this it. it is just one thing after another. this time i'm 100% fulfilling my DREAM and getting everything i wanted out of the situation... it feels nice. i feel calm, a little stressed, and somewhat confused. it feels kinda unreal seeing how folks who had witnessed how hard i worked for this were so so happy for me. i don't think i had my moment of pure joy/excitement yet. if anything i felt small, and indifferent. weird stuff, this.

anyway. been working with the lawyer(who's very kind and responsive, to my surprise) to work out the visa situation. can't believe i'm renewing it again. only had my current one for less than 2 months lol. why does everything happen so freaking fast???

i miss rambling like this. i used to write so much more often. gosh, i used to write every other day. what stops me? or is it like i'm going through some cycle, and i will cycle back to writing a lot eventually, again. haha, i think that is what it is.

ok now reflection time. hmmmm. ok. friendship. ugh, the big one. well. hmm. can't seem to be able to put my thoughts into words rn, but friendship has been on my mind. ok

what's next. creative stuff. hmm. haven't done that in a while, not even once after my art show a few weeks ago. i was fully consumed by the interviews then the offer. and honestly, honestly. haven't been doing anything that's unrelated. really need to work on this work-life balance thing huh.

this so far has been a rather...depressing post for sharing the ultimate good news. so what else. had dinner last night w/ K at my fav Chinese restaurant and had my fav dish(the eggplant stir-fry is fucking 🔥). my beloved roommates threw a party for me the day before yesterday, at that fancy wine bar with ridiculously good bar food. ket postponing the Okinawa trip w/ my roommate and feeling real bad about it(not like i want it like this. got too much on my plate T_T) been buying a ton of (good) shit since the offer bc the salary package exceed my expectation by at least 20%. so far i've got 3 new inks and 2 new fountain pens, and some misc. miffy goods lol

circling back to the friendship talk. from now on i will be more mindful about whom i'm spending time with. i've always believed in people's intentions being what matter, but the actions and the energy, man. that. that shit is real. me at my current capacity can not handle too much of negativity and thoughtlessness. that's that.

okay! guess i'll end here. got another lunch date with Domi tomorrow. haven't seen her in a long while...i'll try writing more here.

it's a promise then!

[jimmycartersufo]

this is me having the Tuesday foh museum employee version of Sunday scaries. I love using tumblr as a sort of diary right now especially when writing my hand causes pain!

the last two weeks of work have been especially rough and this week I have some tough stuff to get through that I'm nervous about but it'll be OK. I just struggled with the unknown. time always moves too quickly this time of year and I'm desperate to hold on to my days off because I am so burnt out. the problem is when you're in between those biweekly checks and you're broke as hell but also it's been pouring down rain. I can't help but feel bad and guilty when I do nothing. I didn't do just nothing, I took care of my mom today and I've rested a lot but it still feels weird and bad.

I'm almost back to being in the green for my sick time. I used up all my sick time and my boss had payroll give me negative sick time which was a life saver. I miss my boss so much. everything has gone to shit without her. but she deserves so much better. clearly. anyway, in a couple weeks I'll start to see actual sick time build up again. and on July 1 I'll get more pto 🤡 but thankfully at least Juneteenth falls on a Wednesday so we will have a three day weekend. The museum won't pay it's workers more or respect their security dept (which is historically and systematically Black) but they will do land acknowledgements if they happen to put up a work by a Native person (aka no permanent land acknowledgement lol) and they'll give us Juneteenth off with pay. oh and back of house gets more pto than foh but I'm not here to list alllllll of my complaints rn. but we as a team are counting down the days so we can have a three day weekend. like yeah holiday pay on a day we already have off (every gov holiday that falls on a Monday) but would rather have a floating holiday for more pto. abyway I should hopefully have some sick time built up in a couple months to take a day off for rest.

falling behind on chores again. desp need to spring clean dust because ofc I have to be a maximalist autistic. still need to wash my beach combing finds from a few weeks ago. still need to hang stuff up. the most I can do is pick up a little. do a load of laundry but share the labor with my husband because we don't have the capacity for either or alone. do dishes maybe. make breakfast, lunch, and John makes dinner. take care of mom which is hard sometimes but more than anythjng it has to be done and I can trick my brain into not being an asshole about it. make the bed but in a more "lazy" way. take care of myself and stick to my barely there routine. medicine with alarms, brush teeth, set out the clothes I want to wear at least a day ahead but two days if possible. shower when it's been too long. lotion on my face and my arms and my legs if I can tolerate it. drink water. try and keep my salt levels up. stretches even if it's in bed. my daily puzzles. learn something new (read an article and or a wiki page).

at least tomorrow we get paid. I have to save money for when we go to an Orioles game soon. need to figure out when and how and where we are viewing the eclipse. grocery shopping. taking care of mom if dad is working late/in traffic. look over what bills are do this check. thankfully we get paid I think three times this month? JK it's may we get three paychecks but thankfully I get paid the week of my mom's birthday!!!!!!

I work on late shift this month. bad because no extra money but good because I am so fucking exhausted. I'm basically a sorta manager without all the manager roles and Def not the pay. but that's basically what I am now. thinking about it makes me sick. I goofed up somewhere to end up here with this responsibility. but also it was happenstance. I understand that. and that I have been masking so well for so long.

it's autism awareness day. I am autistic. I am finally feeling right with that. it's been over a year now, and I've spent that time reflecting on my life and the way I am. I was lucky that my sister has been in programs and I basically knew a guy that knew a guy that knew a guy. but I don't have like, a therapist or anthring to guide me through the realities of hey you're autistic and this is why you think and do xyz. I wish I listened to autistic friends years ago that said hey you're autistic and I was like no not me, I don't do this thing but the thing is a lot of those things I didn't think I did I literally did not understand the questioning which is funny. I can't really think of a good example but like you read a question like do you struggle to make eye contact and irs like yes but only in certain circumstances like when I don't know someone but you don't have the way to answer with nuances so you just say no. not the best example but it's like that. what's so interesting about being diagnosed late is you start to kind a breakdown the safety nets of masking and then it seems like you're faking because you're doing all this stuff not in private anymore, like you're regressing or something and it's like no I was just playing a role.

today for dinner I had chicken nuggets and heinz pickle ketchup and we watched a video about being in wdw on 9/11 and I was like oh

rigut now I'm trying to follow my night routine but I'm so anxious to sleep. I did sleep in really late today after sleeping poorly and then getting up to take care of mom in the morning. I woke up just before noon after going back to bed about nine???? so I'm not very tired. I'm going to go figure out my lunch for tomorrow so I don't worry about it in the am and then I'm going to check the laundry and if it's dry enough get my favorite pair of undies (tomboyx boy shorts) and my favorite pants (green!!) and find a top and then make the bed comfy and then I'm gonna use my new neck massager even though I've probably used it too much today and I hope to find a nice wiki article to read :)))))))