#anyways... cannot control what other ppl like but i sure can control if they're on my page! with the block button

[maddiemuu]

hp fan reblogged my art

[darcylindbergh]

I want all you vote blue no matter who folks to suffer just as much as all the disabled ppl you left on the wayside as soon as biden said the pandemic was over. All of you talk about solidarity but as someone disabled by covid its all so shallow. You are all so happy to stop masking and let covid keep killing. You cant even pretend its not true. 95% of dems stopped giving a fuck as soon as their guy said it was fine to. And every time i bring this up i get told i just gotta vote biden or other people will be in danger. Like me and those like me havent already been sacraficed by all of you. You all will have to live with that because i wont be alive much longer. Vote Blue! Vote Blue! Close your ears and vote blue because now YOU are afraid.

sure, we can deconstruct this one too.

this one's cleverer than ms terf because frankly a lot of disabled people DO feel abandoned vis a vis the pandemic and masking, and that's definitely something that needs to be addressed. but this anon is not addressing THAT - they want to address how i shouldn't vote blue.

here's a couple things we can pick out:

i've recently responded to posts about gaza and terfs, so this anon has simply picked a topic i haven't addressed yet like they're playing whack a mole

blames biden specifically for their topic of choice

pitches a you versus them division while explicitly attacking the idea that the left can express sufficient solidarity (implying it doesn't matter whether you vote)

specifically disparages voting for biden while scoffing at the idea that failing to do so will place other people in danger

make it personal while using inflammatory language: "i've already been sacrificed" "i wont be alive much longer"

mocks voting blue out of fear or out of the idea that failing to vote or failing to vote blue will result in a negative outcome

of course, not voting blue (either by splitting the vote, as in 2016, or not voting at all) will certainly not result in an improved outcome for disabled people. anon doesn't even pretend like there's a viable alternative that will improve life for disabled folks in the us.

failing to vote blue will just result in republicans in power - who are as a national platform anti-masking, anti-vaccinations, anti-obamacare, and anti-healthcare reform. so what we have here is someone who is using the disabled community as a cudgel to divide the left and discourage voting - because don't you know you specifically are a bad person for being against disabled people?

anyway here's a short list of things the biden administration has done over the last 4 years to improve the situation of millions of disabled folks in the us:

Biden's first 100 days re: disability reform

Biden admin recognizes long covid as disabling

Biden admin directs $200 million to programs supporting aging Americans and their caregivers (5 days ago)

HHS strengthened rule banning discrimination based on disability (May 1, 2024)

Dept of Education cancels student loan debt for over 300,000 disabled borrowers who cannot work (Aug 2021)

Biden admin seeks to end subminimum wage for disabled (and tipped) workers (2021) - Biden's DOL has been actively working on new regulations regarding disabled worker protections, although the recent decision ending Chevron deference by SCOTUS's conservative bloc will make it much more difficult.

there's definitely still more work to do - passing the marriage equality for disabled adults act, for example, and seeing through the end of subminimum wages - but republicans aren't gonna do it. these bills died in the republican-controlled house. voting blue down-ticket is the only way folks are gonna see any progress.

[byfulcrums]

*shows up twp weeks late without Starbucks*

I would love to hear why the Lantern Corps and the Jedi would hate each other.

showing up late w/o starbucks is basically my life history lol

idk that much about gl, i'm still reading the comics, so what i say might not be 100% accurate!!

an important difference between the jedi and the corps, is that one of them has control, and the other doesn't. the jedi are all about peace, the guardians are the ones who care about control

the guardians are basically in charge of everything. almost everything. they're the all powerful and mighty ancient ones who created the corps to keep the order in the galaxy (and lowkey control it). they care about themselves more than anything. when a gl doesn't act the way they want them to, they kick them out. as hal pointed out in emerald dawn 2 --- the main difference between sinestro and the guardians is the extremes they go to. sinestro forced his planet to revere him, but the guardians did that too, so it's a little hypocrital of them to kick him out, right?

well. the guardians might be controlling, but at least they don't force the ones below them to chant their names everytime they show up!! right...?

anyway!!

the jedi are not in control. they are peacekeepers forced to fight a war. they care about the universe being in peace (can you really blame them for that, if they can literally feel the galaxy's pain at all times?), not about controlling them. they're the ones being oppressed, in this case. sure, they're not perfect and they mess up a LOT (see hardeen and ahsoka's trial), but the good jedi (jedi that aren't like anakin specifically) are more good than they are bad. when a jedi doesn't act the way the council wants them to, they merely show their disapproval, and maybe remove them from the battlefield if it happens during the war and the-one-they-don't-like's actions lead to others getting hurt

the guardians left oa when it was attacked and basically left the lanterns to fend off for themselves. the jedi mostly, only, retreat when it's clear that they can't win the current battle and they need to plan a counter attack. the jedi are also not that good at war and strategy, because they were never meant to fight a war in the first place

the jedi have shown "resentment" towards the ones "in control", like palpatine and the senate. they can tell that being in control of everything is quite fucking stupid, and that the goverment's need for control is only harmful for everyone else. however, they cannot do anything, because its the goddamn goverment and they can't just go and become criminals

besides, there was a war happening. so, more important things

(also,,,,, ik that in the ot they overthrow the goverment. but there is a very clear difference between a corrupt goverment and a dictatorship. the republic wasn't good, but the empire was worse, and no one doing anything about it led to billions of people dying)

and!! their views on emotion!!!!

the jedi are meant to be in control of their emotions. this does not mean they're not allowed to feel them. the thing is,, that one badly controlled, strong emotion can lead to a jedi turning dark, and one jedi-turned-dark can quite literally destroy the entire order, as we have seen with mr skywalker over there

it's hard, yes, and often unfair, but if the jedi aren't taking care of their emotions and how they feel + react to them at all times, many people may die

"no, we don't want ppl to not feel emotion we just want them to not kill over them"

they have amazing power. if one of them goes evil, it all goes to shit. we have seen that many, many times

the guardians tell their gls to just, straight up not feel and use their logical thinking in every situation. feelings are important too!!! the jedi recognize this!!!!! but the guardians want their gls to be soldiers, not people, just robots that do their bidding without second thoughts

there is also the cult mindset of the corps VS the way being a jedi means having a very, very big family. ppl are allowed, and sometimes even encouraged,, to leave the jedi. they let dooku hang out post-resigning b4 he became a sith lord!!

the guardians, meanwhile, see leaving as betraying. i think there isn't anything else i should add for this, it's pretty obvious how bad it is

basically what i'm saying is that the guardians are super controlling and all, while the jedi just want to leave in peace

they wouldn't hate each other, but their morals and ideals are wildly different, so their opinions and actions would often clash

bonus: anakin and hal, and luke and kyle. it all depends on how and when they meet, because if their first impressions on each other suck, they Will Not Get Along. the parallels, though.....

[aimfor-theheart]

oh god I tried in every way to reblog the newest godmaker chapter and leave some nice tags, but tumblr just doesn't let me ;u; so I guess I'll send this message instead bc I have to let you know that you put out a hit on me in the form of this chapter.

there's something so magnetic about getou in this fic, how is it that he barely appears but it makes me crazy when he does?? you're sooo good at writing him it's insane!! but that doesn't mean I'm not totally here for readers and gojo's relationship. I just love toxic relationships sooo much and the way they're so possessive of each other?? that's the good shit. bc toxic doesn't always have to mean bad I guess? idk they kinda remind me of this quote from one of my favorite books, deathless

"A marriage is a private thing. It has its own wild laws, and secret histories, and savage acts, and what passes between married people is incomprehensible to outsiders. We look terrible to you, and severe, and you see our blood flying, but what we carry between us is hard-won, and we made it just as we wished it to be, just the color, just the shape."

idk if this makes sense and idk where this story is going to go but yeah, her and gojo remind me of this.

and then we get to this part after the wedding and??? ummm??? why did I relate a little too much with reader how she feels about intimacy and pleasure?? I had to take several breaks reading this part.

gojo making her vow to put megumi and tsumiki first had me in awe!! I thought she was gonna weasel her way out again but nope, this really happened. I sure hope nothing is going to come of it :'))) even if she says there is no future where she would have to choose, I have a theory that at some point something might happen that is not supposed to in the version of the future she has created and she's going to freak. but that's just my theory!!

about songs, I can also be really meticulous about my playlists, and I think every you every me from placebo is a super fitting song for reader and gojo

"All alone in space and time, there's nothing here but what here's mine

Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you"

I'm super excited for the next parts, thanks so much for writing this cielo!!

first of all tumblr the worst especially for big huge chapters like the previous ones....i had a feeling it would crash on ppl 💔 but gosh THANK YOU for coming to my ask box and leaving your thoughts anyways?? for taking the time to do that?? it is so greatly appreciated 💕

getou is my siren song. i can't write him into any fics he WILL take the spotlight it is so horrible of him. he belongs isolated in his own fics. honestly i could write extensively ab godmaker!reader and getou and their relationship. but its not ab them!!

okay also i have indeed read deathless but it was awhile ago so i don't remember that particular quote but it certainly fits! Marriage is so. strange indeed. i have many thoughts on it. but that is exactly what i was sorta going for with gojo and the reader! i think they certainly are the only two that can understand each other in this way. i don't think anyone else in the world could.

and listen FELT. intimacy is HARD. idk. i really wanted this reader to Not be in control for once. or not feel in control for once. i wanted to strip this reader a little. and intimacy tends to do that! intimacy is certainly something to Wrestle With.

i cannot speak to your theory much without revealing anything! i will say. i think gojo's interlude will reveal a touch more about what he's been up to. what he thinks. i will not say anything else!! 🤐

also!! this song!!! gosh the lyrics are SOOOO fitting for them. absolutely the idea of like...this is already so bad. you can't change this now. also i think with those two, there was never much of a chance at normalcy. those lyrics you highlighted especially!! it just fits so well!! thank you for this song rec friend!!

i'm excited to share the next parts!! thank you so so much again for reading and taking the time to come share your thoughts!! it means a lot to me!! 💕

[transskywardsword]

i saw your tags about disliking flirty sleazy hw link, but what's your opinion on a more nuanced take on it? taking the flirtiness and 'prettyboy' characterisation and putting some depth to it. This is admittedly more about Warriors lu than hw Link (i'm very slow at getting through games unfortunately and thus have little info on the game itself), but i think that is where a lot of that characterisation started outside of him simply being pretty in the game? i've seen a lot of writing of him where people have really delved into WHY he's flirty and such, and i do have my own thoughts.

this might get uhh rambly hes my blorbo so i apologise if any of it is hard to understand lol

one aspect of it i think is the recognition and idea that beauty and attraction is something that can be weaponised and used to your advantage. obviously this is seen with: all of Cia and her obession with link (i do think his pretty looks is partly why she goes for him over others in these characterisations). so in turn Warriors knows it's a powerful tool and uses it to his advantage - presenting himself in a very specific way that makes him look the best, both for his men and as a barrier of sorts. if he's put together on the outside he's put together on the inside. it's also probably one of the few things he can control in war, making sure his scarf is perfectly positioned and his hair is neat and his sword is clean: the perfect image of the hero. I also think its a coping mechanism, this control.

another aspect i've seen is that his flirtiness and womanizer reputation is less sleeping around, and more not being able to handle romantic commitment, which is very interesting to look into, especially considering again, Cia's business. It makes sense that someone who has been told they're great and powerful (and had the rise and fall of that ego boost) has confidence, yet someone who has had that weaponised against them is wary of letting people in, especially in the context of relationships. that is often a vulnerable position, having someone know you, and with Cia's 'personal space issues' it makes sense he'd want to be in control of a sexual/flirty situation (by flirting and making the moves) yet not actually commit to any of it when the opportunity arises (touch averse, ptsd, etc).

a lot of it seems to be about a sense of control, and how quickly it feels you lose that once you feel you cannot control the surface level presentation you put forwad. he has a reputation of being a womanizer - a war started bec a girl liked him! - and thus he keeps it up to keep in control of the situation.

i also dislike the one dimentional playboy warriors/hw link characterisation, but this is what i usually do with it when writing and just rotating him in my head. if you have any info about hw link in particular that reinforces/contradicts any of this i'd be happy to hear it! and your general thoughts (dw too much about spoilers, my autism craves blorbo info over potential story spoilers and it'll be a while before i get to most of it anyway). i do also see Warriors lu and hw Link as two seperate characters, and am interested on where the deviation in characters they are, its always super intruiging to see where the differences are.

also, i hope you are having a good day/night! you got a cool blog :3

matching blorbo!! i am always down to talk abt hw link, i would die for that man.

now im gonna start w this disclaimer: im not the biggest fan of wars characterization in LU, mostly bc he's not that developed and the fandom took what little they had and ran with it in a direction i dont like. that's no hate to any fans or ppl who do like him, he just isnt my cuppa tea! i 100% see him and hw link as diffrent characters bc to me too much doesnt line up

so my dislike of the 'cocky overconfident sleazy flirty pretty boy' characterization comes to the oversimplification of the few traits we have (bc you're right, there isn't much to go on haha. hw is not known for its characterization), a lack of interest people seem to have in his and cia (and by extension lana)'s relationship and the trauma it causes, and people just relying on stereotypes instead of building character. we know a few things for sure from the game & out of game material: link has a strong sense of justice, he acts before he thinks to an extent, he is a tad overconfident (which bites him in the ass and he has to learn to grow from), he's kind, and can talk to fairies. it's not a lot to go off of, so i understand when people tend to grab onto a few stereotypes and not go anywhere from there but i think that does his character a disservice.

1)on the pretty boy thing: is link gorgeous? absolutely. he's the Prettiest Link by sure, just look at him. he's wearing fuckin eyeliner. but i think people look at that character design and turn it into meaning he obviously must be vain or self-centered. i'm fine with someone characterizing him as caring about his looks; i agree that he probably does to an extent-- no one runs around with something as much of a hazard as that scarf is (it's a wonder he wasn't strangled with it) in a warzone without being somewhat connected to your appearance-- but i feel like if you're going to write him as the 'pretty boy' it should be done like you idea was, with actual characterization in mind, and not like, okay his game model is hot so he must be obsessed with himself. i actually really, really like the ideas you gave abt stability and coping through self-expression btw, i think that's a great idea and i can completely see it. my problem with the 'vain pretty boy' characterization mostly comes from that i think of link as dealing with a lot of discomforts with his body over knowing that his looks are part of the reason why cia attacked; i figure that knowing that being attractive is part of the reason why people are dying (even tho it is 100% no his fault) would totally fuck up your relationship with yourself. i think that his appearance is something he takes care in as a coping mechanism while also being something he completely dissociates himself from. nothings gotta hurt like someone seeing you as purely the 'self-absorbed pretty soldier' when, in your opinion, you being the 'pretty boy' is costing people lives. i think his view of himself and his body is wrapped up in trauma so when people jump to 'oh he has eyeliner he must be completely obsessed with his appearance' instead of examining it further it makes me twitch.

(also, unimportant, but the reason i think cia chose him was because he resembles the first hero the most, and since the first hero is the ultimate form of the hero's spirit, link is the next best thing. she obv can't go after the first link, he's hylia's boyfriend, but this link is right there for the taking)

2) okay next point: playboy link. i also agree with your characterization! i just think that unfortunately, it isn't a very common one. so im like 97% sure that the flirty characterization came for LU, as there is like. no basis for it in game, and i think that a majority of people write it totally wrong. racist implications of a toxic dark-skinned woman chasing after a white man aside, link was stalked. he was sexually harassed and objectified. he had to go fight in a castle with his face fuckin plastered on it-- a war was started bc cia was obsessed and wouldn't respect consent, that's a big fucking deal, and i feel like people don't acknowledge that it is? that must mess with your sense of self, control, consent, agency, trust, etc so, so badly. i feel like sooo much of the flirty characterization 1) turns sleazy, which i see as wildly ooc, esp given his history with consent 2) glosses over the effects of trauma completely. any kind of relationship he's going to have for a long, long time during and post-war, friendship, sexual, or romantic, is going to be affected by cia. cia is likely something he's going to struggle to cope with his entire life. i see it as deeply warping his ideas of consent and causing a significant amount of self-worth problems. and so many people go 'okay he sleeps around' and stop there. it does a disservice to him. if you want him to be a flirt, you have to acknowledge his trauma, ya know?

3) completely cocky link. okay so we know that link is headstrong and acts before he thinks. we know this for a fact. as a private, he abandons his post at the castle to go and fight, and then in the same battle rushes off on his own to protect impa and takedown volga, an extremely stupid idea that would have gotten him killed if he didn't have the spirit of the hero. the fact that volga didn't roast him alive is a fucking miracle. @ link pls use your brain. we also know that he got overzealous when he drew the master sword. he saw his troops as invincible serving under the blade of evil's bane, which has slight validity tbh, it is the master sword after all, but then two things happen that i think really led to him changing himself as a person: dark link & the turn coats. so dark link is flat out a reflection of his negativities and having to fight it was a fuckin slap in the face that what he was doing was foolish and wrong. the turn coats also served to show him that he was very much not invincible. so between the two of those, i think he had a lot of growth. making him a cocky ass ignores that growth completely unless you acknowlage the world around him

also, on the fairies: fairies are good judges of character. i don't think he'd a bestie to the fairies who can talk to them in their own language and chills with the great fairy if he was a total ass

okay i think im finally done word dumping but uhhh i love this man so much. so so much. i adore him and i just want people to put thought into him when they write him bc there is SO much to explore if you just look

[horce-divorce]

i have my Big appt w the Gender Doctor tomorrow... I've already had my letter and my "diagnosis" (fun fact: they actually asked me if it was ok to diagnose me w dysphoria or w/e, they seem to be aware of the controversy around pathologising language) as well as gotten my levels checked.. i am pretty sure this is the last thing is this big visit where he has to explain everything incl needles, get my consent, and all that shit

soooo... I think im about to start T????? scrreeeeee

lil rant about my nervs under the cut

im very nervous, more about my pharmacy & my family than anything actually related to T. ive had issues w the pharmacy just trying to get my birth control and normal meds (like they'd give me my meds but would straight up "forget" my birth control... very relevant: we have about 100 fundie churches in this town and some actual bona fide fundamentalists cults as well. its not a large town). plus theyve been constantly understaffed and have taken up to a week to fill my scripts. my friend a few towns over gets his stuff from WG and sometimes they give him the wrong needle sizes which seemingly is smth that happens to trans folks a lot... i am prepared to switch pharmacies and/or go running to corporate like a Karen if they give me issues, but i've never had to switch from walgreens before (only to a different wg?) so idk specifically what to do if that's the case

but anyway yeah. lil worried about pharmacy giving me the runaround. and a lil worried about my moms reaction. even tho she's been nothing but supportive, it still seems to surprise her when i talk about being trans. if I make a joke about how trans I was as a kid in hindsight, she's wont laugh along, she's kinda just like 😳 😳 and goes on w her day. but other times she'll bring it up?? one time she said something about "when youve got your van and are transitioning" like she doesnt think I'm transitioning right now lol. i think she's gonna be surprised to find out that im starting T now but fuck I waited 15 years. aint waiting any longer.

its just like. there is a non-zero chance she still has ties w folks from the west mich womyns music fest (good fucking riddance). we actually had a huge fight once (yearrrs ago) bc even in the midst of them going under BECAUSE of their transphobia, she kept trying to get me to support them "as a feminist."

so despite how supportive she's been and that she is absolutely trying I can just FEEL that there are still reservations she has that she simply doesn't want to talk about. she's not gonna tell me what to do w my body or any of my medical care. I'm an adult, and that's generally the rule in our house, but idk it's like. this tension in the air. i think she still separates my "being trans" from "me" in her head, and i think she does it w other folks too (my parents are HUGE fans of Eddie Izzard, esp her Dress to Kill special from back in the day. and yet cannot wrap their heads around her being trans. she's been out for like. 30 years. she doesnt make a secret of it). i feel kinda bad saying it bc she DOES try. she actually corrects my pronouns (and Eddie's!) more than anyone else in my family when others fuck it up. I just don't think she fully understands why she's doing it and im not sure if she cares to. challenge her notion of what a trans person is?

idk its pretty obvious when cis ppl are doing the whole "her > no, i have to overlay an image of a boy on the body that I am seeing bc You Are A Her Who Wants To Be a Him" or vice versa, instead of just "You Are Him". it's like they're trying to translate me into a different language without changing the words. does not compute.

ughhh idk. anyway i am just hoping that she can see how much of a change it makes for me and sees me being happier and calmer and stuff. i already have been WAY more chill even in the last 2 years just since being out. i think that it will make it easier for me to like. express emotions like love and gratitude? i think part of why i've always kinda felt stunted in that area or like I couldn't connect w my parents like I sometimes do w other people, was bc of being closeted.... if she sees me as an extension of herself, Her Daughter, and I cannot be myself fully and truthfully, how can i express my emotions fully and truthfully, they are a part of who I am? I've just been told many times by the world that expressing myself honestly makes other people uncomfortable... anger was the only thing i could reach for so long. oof.

its just funny (not ha-ha funny) how even after having a feminist mom who didnt make me dress girly as a kid; after having lived in a huge queer household; having almost exclusively queer friends for 10+ years; after having BEEN OUT in high school; and now, again, being in a supportive environment where everyone is trying to validate me... despite all of that I STILL find myself feeling guilty for transitioning, guilty for showing people who I am. wondering "Wouldnt it be easier if I didnt. Wouldnt it be better for everyone if I just let them think I was a girl. wouldnt it be easier to deal w my other medical stuff w/o being outed every time I go to a new Spectrum location. wouldnt it be easier for everyone who has to deal w grandpa right now. there's nothing wrong with being a girl. Maybe I could keep being a girl if I had to."

but i know that's not right. if I don't live my life at this point it will kill me faster than anything that's medically wrong with me. i am not a girl. trying to be a girl when I didnt want to be made me suicidal for years. it made me into a horrible person and informed all kinds of terrible decisions I wish I hadn't made.

i know that transitioning is the right thing. to be perfectly clear, I am nothing but excited about testosterone and ALL of the changes it will bring me, there is literally not a single one that I don't want, that I havent wanted with my entire being my WHOLE life. i know that i am doing the right thing because for the first time in my life these are choices I've made FOR ME, for no one else and for no purpose but for the joy and sense of peace and completeness that it brings me to know that I am trans.

my fear is that I won't be able to articulate that to other people. or that ill have 1 bad experience and regress to not being able to stand up for myself or w/e.

so yeah, nothing but actual love and excitement for my T appointment. im just outlining how much cis bullshit really ends up defining the experience of transition for so many of us, and how much anxiety and fear it can still impart. even when you surround yourself with queer and trans support, even when ppl in your life are being cool, even when you are SO SURE of who you are. despite all of that, I am still afraid I'll end up detransitioning because of other people's issues...

but tbf i kind of have this with everything. I move into a new place, it TERRIFIES me rather than brings me comfort. how am I going to lose this home, too, and how long do I have? i've never felt at home in my body before, and every time I thought I found/built a home, I lost it. I've been evicted and lost my housing so many times and... have kinda had the same thing happen w my body, in a sense. feeling like if I start trying to decorate how I want ill get in trouble somehow bc nothing good can truly last and there's always some higher authority to answer to... idk.

anyway I need a proper therapist obviously lmfao and I dont expect anyone to read this. to be clear I am mostly very excited and optimistc. just nervouscited u know what i mean

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

as you all know i've been struggling with many fears and insecurities for a while now about myself and my life, especially when it comes to what other ppl may think. but i've noticed that i have moments where i think to myself "who cares what other ppl think, i'm just being myself/fine the way i am and i'm living/going through life the way i want to/at my own pace and i'm not the only one and if someone has problems with any of that, they're not someone i want in my life anyways" but i always seem to fall back into the negative thoughts. i'm not sure why i do; maybe it's bc i think it's what i'm "supposed" to think about myself/my life or maybe it's some defense mechanism to prepare me if someone did react badly to anything or idk but either way, it sucks. anyways, i'm going to try uplifting the positive voice in my head whenever i start feeling bad about myself/my life. i mean, there are things about myself/my life that i'm genuinely unhappy with and wish i could improve or change but for those things i guess i just have to hope that they do improve or i can change them somehow even if rn i don't believe either of that is possible. but yeah, for the other things, i cannot keep beating myself up over stupid shit constantly, it's out of control and it does nothing but make me miserable and i'm assuming other ppl as well (i'm so sorry y'all). idk if i'll ever truly like myself and/or be happy with the way my life is going/has gone but i'm gonna try. (ik i've said this a million times before but i mean it this time... hopefully) (maybe i should look for a therapist like i said i was gonna do months ago lmao)

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[kosmicdream]

Thanks for answering. I guess the world inside a heart? And the hearts being the eyes ??? (I thiiiink) And Antony being a heart, now post eating ??? Like I have a vague understanding that they're important, powerful, certain worm species have more than 1, aaaannnd they're the utensils???? maybe??? I'm not really sure, but I probably need to like re-read the comic (college took up too much of my mental capacity for comic facts).

OKAY THis kind of gives me something more to go off of.

1) Mandragora hearts have something called “Heart Worlds” which, kinda branches into a lot of spoilery territory– but I can try to simply describe them as like..  Worlds that the Mandragora controls w/ their heart*. Its part of their incredible hypnosis/illusion powers that actually plays w/ the concept of what reality is, as ppl can actually get sucked into these worlds and explore them as real, physical places. (In a way, some of these ideas are borrowed/explored in a different way with my other comic, Eggshells.) So, Heart Worlds play a pretty big part in a lot of FFAK plots and i’d prefer to write ‘em in more detail in the actual comic.2) What happened to Antony is also.. not fully explained/detailed yet, but as we can surmise a little- He is now a Mandragora Heart, so he is now a Mandragora! So he was eaten by Canary, but instead of dying, took over Canary’s mind and now controls the body, except he is experiencing some memory issues. These problems are somewhat common if a Mandragora experiences a traumatizing event w/ getting eaten or transferring to a new body. It is a little like what happened to Crimson when she got eaten by a hydragora queen worm, in a way. (Except with very big differences since.. Antony was a human turning into a Mandragora, and Crimson was actually a Mandragora all along.) but crimson also experienced a sort of similiar ‘disconnect/amnesia’ w/ her heart after being eaten by a queen worm. This is why she believed she was born a human and was eaten by a worm, and is very startled by the conversation she has with her heart in early ch11. 3) *Mandragora hearts are basically also their minds, and physically resemble eyeballs and are usually stored in eye sockets. SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE. 4) Mandragora worms are generally born with 2 hearts. Crimson is not typical b/c she was born with 3, but the third heart was very small and almost not noticeable. Hydragora worms do not function like mandragora so this whole worm heart thing is not really applicable to them, they use Anchors instead. (Hydragora worms also do NOT have heart worlds, cannot parasite and take over other bodies and use em as hosts, ect.) 5) Mandragora hearts can be molded and changed into various objects and functions/uses. They are a very versatile source of power! This is a pretty intricate topic all on its own, but the red Spoon/Knife AND the Fork are all originally made from Mandragora hearts, thus are ‘living’ weapons. The Spoon/Knife were made from both of Crimson’s hearts that were taken by Good Leadman. The Fork is.. something else :)6) When a Mandragora heart is in this ‘dead’/inactive state (easy to be molded into something else) they are called Kosmic Stones. There are also Kosmic Stones that are not made from genuine Mandragora hearts and are basically artificial/man made or partial reproduction of mandragoras. All Kings bracelets (the things Canary wears on his wrists/ankles) have a kosmic stone in them, but keep in mind not all of these stones are real mandragora hearts. Kings Bracelets serve a lot of specific functions in the story and theres lots of fun stuff to learn abt them too eventually. But We will have to save that for later too. A lot of the worldbuilding-y things with mandragora hearts sort of bleed (haha, get it) into eachother and theres a lot of like.. very fantasy sort of logic that goes with it, so it can be a little difficult to adjust to the logic esp when we havent got the whole picture on them. So like.. dont stress not grasping it all at once, since it makes sense better once u see the bigger picture and where all this stuff actually came from.Hope that helps a little anyway!