#anyways.. I really wanted in include 'ed plays a thing' but when I wrote it in it just felt too cluttered

[liathgray]

i still stan capra chapter 4 so hard it literally lives in my brain nonstop,,,, you should totally share those deleted scenes if you ever are up to writing them,,, 🤫🤫🤫

Living in your head rent free :)

And... hah, well since you asked so nicely, here’s a little bit of the Rostock gang. As a treat

Edward blinked. “Run that by me again?”

Mr. Carcido toyed mindlessly with his cargo. “I’d like to know if you want to—“

“No, I got that part.” The blond interrupted, his eyebrows starting to climb upwards in confusion. “But why can’t you just take it with you?”

The man sighed. “There’s a good chance it’ll get ruined in the luggage car anyways, and it’s old... I would’ve needed a new one anyways.”

He paused to give Edward a hopeful look. “D’ya want it?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes.”

There’d be no harm from that, right? He couldn’t think of anything trouble lest it was leaping from an adventure novel.

Mr. Carcido smiled at him and handed Edward the case. It was lighter than he expected, rattling lightly.

“Don’t break it!” The man called as he backed away. Edward rolled his eyes like an omelette in a pan and huffed.

“Ye of little faith...”

-

“It’s left handed.”

Noah tilted her head, chin resting on her palms. “Can you still use it?”

He nodded. “It actually might be better. I won’t have to get any more callouses.”

-

Dev dragged Edward down the steps with the strength only held in his pinky. “It’ll be fun!” He assured, as if he would be giving Edward a choice anyways. “You’ve been working on that propeller fuel—“

“Propulsion fuel.” Ed corrected. Dev shook his head with a tireless smile.

“That. It hurts just looking at you all bent over day and night.” They reached the main floor. Noah trailed behind with Percy resting on her shoulders, diligently trying to figure out how to braid her hair whilst not fall flat on his face.

His balance was wavering, but Noah managed to keep him from loosing a tooth via intimate-stair-acquaintanceship. If a tightrope walker could see, they’d be rolling out a red carpet for her with praise on the lips. 

“He’s right, Ed. You’re practically a hermit.” She said lightly, in an act of absolute betrayal. Dev kept an arm looped through Edward’s, practically skipping down the from steps and into the street, adored with the honey-glow of dusk. 

“Hey! I took Percy down to the boat show, didn’t I?” He protested. From the corner of his eye, Edward saw Dev holding a battered case, swinging it causally with his steps and he had half a mind to snap at the older man to be more careful.

“That was two weeks ago.” Noah reminded him Edward sighed and resigned to being hauled down the road, stubbornness never letting up. They marched down the old walkway like a band of merry fools, two sets of lips happily using Edward as target practice for their loving jabs and teases. He grabbed each projectile and fired back in turn. It was their act.

“They just want you to hear you play.” Percy told him with his head cocked to the side. He was the poster boy for puppy eyes and Edward’s remaining resolve was snatched up and tossed into a nearby sewer drain. He grumbled and shot a glare to Dev, who was smirking like a fiend. 

He sighed. “You all suck.”

At least the pub was only a few blocks away. It flooded the rapidly dimming street with ringlets of light and screamed with laugher and gossip. 

He couldn’t deny that it was infectious. 

Dev dropped Edward into a seat and started shoving tables aside to a chorus of gleeful, half drunk cheers. Edward shook his head and let Percy jump up onto his knee. Noah chattered politely with the patrons and took them by the arm, leading them to the open space and pointing to their feet. It was the same look she wore on weekends when she managed to convince (on occasion blackmail) Edward into a square-step, but just a bit brighter.

A staff member wandered over to Ed as he fiddled with the pegs and Percy seemed to forget the blond wasn’t, in fact, a jungle gym and was hanging from his shoulders.

“Aye, what’ve you got there?”

He glanced up to find a pair of curious eyes framed by crows feet. Edward felt an involuntary smile tug at his lips. Maybe a little bit of smugness found it’s way into his tone “Mandolin.”

The man nodded thoughtfully. “Well can you play?”

“I can.”

He hummed. “Good. We’ve been needing some music ‘round here.”

Edward saluted him and exchanged a look with Noah. She’d grabbed every willing participant and positioned them like pieces of chess on a board. 

He spewed The Sailors Hornpipe over the pub and watch people spin, tangling into knots so dense it would take tweezers and a magnifying glass to sort it out. Noah led the charge, battle ready and beaming with Dev close behind.

A fiddler appeared out of nowhere and strung out notes so rapid and warm it made the night feel lighter than the day. An old man padded over and sat crosslegged on the floor, chanter in hand.

“What happened to the rest of it?” Edward asked over the noise. 

“Nothing,” He gave a toothy smile, “I just didn’t want to blow the walls down.”

Edward scoffed. “Fair point. How do you feel about Sweeney’s Buttermilk?”

They took off soaring and somehow he managed to keep his head screwed on and mindlessly play well into the night, gracelessly leaping from improvisation to old tunes, somehow blended seamlessly with the sounds of swaying footsteps.

So yeah, maybe he’d spent some free time working through chords and pilfering music books from a second hand shop.

He watched from the benches as a the massive group skipped and bustled. They ran from side-steps into a Circassian Circle that doubled and tripled in sized until the floor shook and the space was too small. 

Percy looked like he was having to time of his life, giggling and handing on to people’s hands, being practically tossed in loops.

Dev sauntered over to kick Edward out of his seat and take up vigil cause apparently he’d picked up a few songs here and there. “Go put those left feet to use Goldie.”

“You,” Edward started, “are the worst.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Noah went diving for his hand, snatching his wrist and dragging him into an eightsome reel and fucking hell did it make him dizzy. It also made him laugh like an idiot and grin.

[horse-shit]

did you guys know i was really out of it one time and tried writing the main 4 guys having a s/o who had ehlers danlos syndrome but i only got half of it done? dont think i can finish it, but if someone really wants to hear about dante and travis i can do my best {added zane instead {i should write for more of the characters like reese, lucinda, teony, sasha, or cadenza}}

anyway i mostly wrote this for myself but i guess i dont mind sharing it :)

garroth

he would do any and everything he could to help

if you needed her to help you pop something back into place, he'd get over his thing about bodies popping very quickly because she wants to make sure you're okay :)

if it's a no energy type of day, he's all for staying inside and watching shows or playing games and if it's a no spoon for interaction, she'll pop in and give you some food, ask if you're doing better, and leave

he's a very touchy person so expect her to constantly want to hold your hand

if you use a mobility aid, he's always trying to find the best ways to get around and not have a blocked path. she's also a big guy and could probably make a path just by walking somewhere, but she likes to walk next to you

if you ever make the 'my body is not a temple, its a parking lot with slushies being thrown like grenades' he always wants to pitch into the absurdity of the joke and giggle, there have been some great writing prompts from those

if you two go to the doctors and they don't believe you have eds, you might have to hold her back from getting in their face ^^;;

if it's a 'why was i given this dysfunctional body' day, he asks if she can hold you in a hug. and if it hurts to stand, he'll just spoon you and try her best to make you feel safe

when you first started dating, he went to go do research and found out about the zebra stuff. the next time she saw you he had a zebra plushie in hand

there's always a chair nearby in the kitchen so in case your legs give out he can just scoot it and {hopefully} catch you

she will get worried when you fall and say 'i couldn't have avoided that, i know how to fall so im okay!' he is intrigued and kinda wants to know how to do it but won't ask

if you need to go get medication and are busy or can't go, she likes to go and get it as a surprise every time

laurence

he likes to make zebra jokes-- not at your expense, rather just if they see something with the pattern he'll point and go 'hehe that’s you honey!' this also includes phantom bruises

if you don't have enough energy to cook, they're great at it and will whip up the I Feel Like Garbage {tm} meal

if you ever feel like thinking about the life without eds that could've happened and grieving, he wants to help with distractions but if you don't feel up to it, they understand and says he's always here and loves you no matter what

on your first date they noticed your balance was kinda off, and you confess to not wanting to bring your mobility aid and wanting to weird them out. he then extends their arm and says 'looks like i get to be a replacement for now!' with a smile

your scare prank for them was stretchy skin. you asked him to pinch and pull your arm back- the look on their face was priceless!

if you need a shower chair he finds one so fast

if you need help with dislocations, they ask many 'is this the right spot?' and 'is this enough pressure?' its so sweet

he likes to look into your eyes more because of the blue tint on your sclera. when they first did it he played it off as a joke but now they feel comfortable enough to do it without worrying if he's being creepy

when it's doctor time they want to be in the room to make sure the doctors competent enough to know what they're doing

if you're having a good day and don't take out your mobility aid and still park in the handicap spot, and someone decides to leave a condescending note, you'll have to hold him back before they storm back into the store to ask for something to be done

zane

if you need a weighted blanket he definitely has one

they still aren’t a big fan of hearing you pop your joints, but if you need to or you’ll cramp up/hurt he covers their ears and looks away

if given permission, he would lend you a couple stickers to put on your mobility aid :)

they cook really well, and love to ask for help when baking. he sets in a chair and hands you the mixing bowl, and you check on the sweets in the oven

if someone is being ableist towards either of you, making fun of zane’s lazy eye or insulting you, the other stands up for their partner and make sure to console them after

before you two started dating, you asked zane to push on your finger. they quickly brought his hand to their chest and shook it after seeing how far back it went

he definitely showed you a zecora episode of mlh when spending the day together

if the barometric pressure is so bad that it’s an intense pain day, zane will bring you food and ask to hold you or read a book to you, they want to make sure you’re okay

[fa-by]

Hi Faby I have a question L said that she knew she was queer when she fell in love with her best friend when she was 15 and that her and L started to have a physical connection when she was 15 and I know everyone says that she was talking about C because L met C for the first time when she was still 15 but to me that doesn't make sense because L and C only started to get closer after L turned 16 and her and C basically just met so how could she be talking about C?

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 I know it doesn’t seem to make sense because the narrative’s goal is to confuse you and get you on their side by making you abandon the ship. You have to pay attention to the details and what they say because there are always flaws in the stories that our Camren are forced to tell. But don’t worry, I’m here. I’ve already talked about it many times, but I’ll explain it again to make you understand better and answer your ask at the same time.

So. During Becky G’s ‘En La Sala’ podcast (October 28, 2020), Lauren said she realized she was queer because she fell in love with her best friend when she was 15 and they started having a physical relationship. She forced herself to think that kissing and sleeping with her friend every once in a while was just a funny thing and nothing important; something that she has ‘normalized’ in her head by justifying it as something that ‘straight girls do’, and therefore fueling her internalized homophobia. Personally speaking, I believe in this. Not in the ‘she fell in love’ part because Laur’s still forced to say that the only girl she has ever loved is Lucy, but I believe Lauren and Lucy really did everything L said. Lucy was the first real unlock thanks to which Laur experienced the attraction and the feelings towards the girls she’d always felt and hidden deep inside herself. I firmly believe that Lucy was the first girl among her crushes on girls Laur acted on, and with whom she experimented in secret given the environment in which they both grew up and which still surrounded them at the time.

Now, the time frame in which this experimentation happened. Paul Martinez, the one she believed was her first love and whom she believed she would marry, broke up with her in late July 2011, and she only managed to move on when she wrote a song about how she felt on September 17th of that same year. Lucy moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (that’s why the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at Laur’s house). Therefore, the time frame in which that experimentation happened, is from the end of September 2011 to February 2012. It could’ve happened in all those four months, or only in two, or only in one. Who knows. But that’s the time frame. Time frame during which Laur was 15 years old.

Having explained this, let’s move on. Camren first met during the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012, in Greensboro, North Carolina. You know? Where that short and really cute conversation started by Mila happened: “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket”. But it ended up there because they didn’t become friends from that day. They didn’t exchange phone numbers and they therefore didn’t even spend time together at home in Miami. They were still just two strangers who had auditioned for a TV show to pursue their dreams like so many other people. Oh and, on May 1, 2012, Laur was still 15, and Mila had turned since almost two months; therefore they were both 15 years old. The moment they became friends by no longer detaching one from the hip of the other, was two months later, on July 25 in Miami, when they met for the first time for the first day of boot camp (L went to C: “You’re the Cuban girl!”). On July 25, 2012, Lauren had by then turned 16 for nearly a month, and Camila was still 15.

Now let’s move on to the biggest miscalculated mistake that, either they made her say, or Laur herself said; perhaps even deliberately and not by mistake. On June 26, 2020, and therefore before the podcast with Becky, the PAPER Magazine article was released. In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for seven years. But the calculations don’t add up, for two things to be exact.

First thing: The Laucy narrative includes that A) Laur fell in love with her sure, Jan at 15 when they kissed and hooked up during parties.

P.S. Is it just me, or does this smell like what actually started happening to Camren the following year? I mean, the Like Friends Do situation whereby Laur got out of her internalized homophobia and realized she loved her and then got her head out of her ass by finally going to get her girl? No? Just me?

B) The wanting but not being able to be with her and giving her what she wanted made them grew apart not by her choice and not because Lucy returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply grew apart for the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H, no, no.

P.S. I don’t know about you, but this still smells like Camren’s story to me.

C) Lucy returned to her life after she had a car accident on May 17, 2015:

“She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere and she called me”. From that moment on, Lauren decided they would’ve been together “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”. Yeah, sure. No contract that was supposed to help both of them involved here. No, no.

D) They broke up because Laur confirmed that theirs was a very toxic relationship, and the specific reason she gave was because they both weren’t fully healed from the past yet, but that they still loved each other very much. Mmmh-hmm, okay 🥱😴 Yeah, no, yeah, sorry. I fell asleep as a result of hearing bullshit.

Second thing: Ty.

Shall we reveal the miscalculation (again)? In love with her at 15, got together with her at 18 and broke up at 20 (1 year and 8 months, from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), and after less than a month, start of another PR dating Ty. Now, 20 minus 15 (Laur’s two ages from the beginning to the end of the ‘story’), how much is it? 5. Shall we calculate from the moment of Laucy experiment to when they ‘broke up’? From late September 2011 to mid January 2017, how many years are? 5! 5 years and four months to be exact. According to the logic of the narrative, if she was oh so in love with Ty as they made her proclaim every two seconds, it means that she’d stopped loving Lucy that same year, and it’s not 7 years anyway! It’s still 5! Do we want to try with two last calculations? Okay. Also because you may have wondered: “Faby, what if we instead calculated from when ‘they got together’ to the release of that PAPER Magazine article?”. I’d answer that it’s still 5 years. From mid-May 2015 to June 25, 2020, it’s 5 years and 1 month to be exact. “Faby, what if we tried to calculate from the beginning to the publication of the article?” From the end of September 2011 (beginning of the time frame of the Laucy experimentation) to the publication of the article on 25 June 2020, it’s 8 years and 9 months to be precise. Not even in this case it’s 7! So, as you can see… And at this point I wonder: is there an alternate world where math calculations lead to 7 and not 5 here? What was that? Why say 7? Well.. I actually know why.

Shall we play another little math game? Can I reveal the truth in the lie? Let’s try to make sense of this 7 together now.

Lauren explained that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years in that interview, right? The interview with PAPER Magazine came out on June 26, 2020, but was done before the date it was released. We all know Laur was born on the 27th, and therefore in both cases, Laur was 23. And tell me, dear, how much is 23 minus 7? Sorry, I can’t hear your answer. A little louder please? Got it, got it. Can I also write it for everyone else who’s reading? Okay, thanks: 16. Wait, 16??? So who was Lauren actually talking about? Ohhh. How foolish of me. That’s why it ‘smelled like what actually started happening to Camren the following year’ to me. Because Laur was talking about Camila all along 🤦🏻‍♀️

🤣😏😎

Sarcasm and jokes aside, do you see how easy it is to manipulate and confuse people's ideas? It's still 7 years if we calculate from mid-January 2013 (after the first real New Year's kiss and the signing of the contracts with Syco/Epic) to the release of that PAPER Magazine article on June 25, 2020. And it's still 7 years even if we calculate from July 25, 2012 (first day of boot camp) to June 25, 2020. Camila is the answer to the 7 years because even if they try to make Laur modify the narrative by making her change the names with the PRs' ones, she's always talking about Mila anyway in reality.

Does it make more sense now, dear? I hope I’ve taken away all your doubts 🥰 Stay safe and have a good day 🤗 You guys too ❤

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

🗣Tues 15 Dec ‘20🙊

Anyone order their daily with EXTRA DISCOURSE today? Lucky you, I guess, I'd send it back to the kitchen if I had the option but this is more a 'you'll take what you get and like it' kind of establishment so here we are! EAT UP we got Liam and Lou Teasdale making everyone mad, Louis and Harry's teams forgetting they're supposed to be mortal enemies, and Zayn?? Getting papped?? Omg is Z3 really coming this time? I've been burned so many times before (flown too close to the sun) but what if....... So first Gigi and zaby stroller were papped, then Zayn was papped in his usual way-- 'if you can get a good picture of me in the seconds it takes me to walk from my front door to the car have at it, that's exactly all you get'-- and then a fan reported seeing Zigi and zaby at a pizza restaurant. Zayn's hair is bleached white blond and that's about all I can tell you except that Z NEVER gets papped (or spotted really) for nothing so I am excite!!

Liam's back! He did the postponed-from-last-Tues hour long live for Stand Up To Cancer (and raised $16k!) and he's got a show in two days so I'd say his extremely brief breather is probably done with, whether he got the time he needed to be happy about coming back or not. He seems in good shape for the live though, even if he does say “its been a really long day, you don't even know, REALLY long” and that what he wants most for Christmas is “to have a little bit of time to reflect.” But he says he is going to take some time out and go away and write music “for the first time in a very long time,” in the new year, nice! He mentions how he went up to Sweden for recording recently and says it ”went really well I'm really really excited” about the new music and, uhhh, “got something sent through from Mick Fleetwood while I was over in Sweden writing, some guitar stuff, which was amazing, and he was dressed like santa at the time!” I...what??? I'll just... leave that there?? About other bands, he says that he's become a big fan of the Wanted over time, that “someone Zayn-ed out,” of Little Mix but “Zayn left for pretty much the same reasons and I do feel for them,” and “are 5SOS still together? Did they pull an us I thought they pulled an us?” He said yes, it's so great about Louis' show, and “it was great, and do you know what, like listening through those lyrics, it’s really nice to hear the truth in his music because obviously I mean I know all of the full story about him, and [pause].. and uh... his relationship with his girlfriend and whatever else,” SKLDYSSKKJ.

This long live also had him responding to screen comments he would usually ignore (though thank GOD he only reads but doesn't answer 'what happened with Niall in Japan' please tell me the questioner wasn't trying to get him to comment on the 'violently masturbating' story), anyway so we got Liam on touching his hair if larry is real-- “of course that's not going to happen don't be silly,” and on whether he thinks 'larry is disrespectful' “sometimes I do... actually that's not true, all the time I do.” Well he's not wrong though I'd expand that to 'all the fans' but if I had to wade through a million “touch your nose if larry is real” comments every time I was promoting my own material, for ten years, I'd probably get tetchy too! He didn't say it was or wasn't real, as he himself pointed out he never WILL do that for REASONS; tbh I'm with Liam can people PLEASE stop being so embarrassing on main and let him live? ANYWAY, moving on, his Advent Alarm clock today is the sleep story edited down to be just Liam laughing for like 30 seconds, aka the exact edit that I suggested they should make a couple weeks ago, which I find frankly extremely alarming (ALARMing HA) are they... listening to me?? Well if Liam's management are looking for ideas BOY HAVE I GOT SOME FOR THEM hit me up fellas PLEASE.

Harry and Louis both announced further postponements of their UK and Europe tour shows, like really the same announcement and just fully back to back, I can only assume that after weeks of intensive hashing out to match up dates their teams have arrived at some kind of plan and were like cool let's announce! Louis has added some new shows, while Harry's new schedule is undisclosed as yet. Harry says “I really hope to play these shows and will have news for you in the new year on when they will take place.” Louis' new dates include previously omitted countries (Iceland! Austria!), and those tickets go on sale Friday. Harry did not respond to Rob Sheffield's awkward attempt to link Watermelon Sugar and WAP as being similar but he did like Megan Thee Stallion's post celebrating her successful year, and Vulture ranked Adore You in its top 5 videos of the year with a much better take on what Harry is all about, saying that it “highlights one of the singer’s best traits: his willingness to be delightfully weird.” Kid Harpoon said that he and Harry “wrote a song in Japan that may yet see the light of the day,” and Harry continues to roast him, disputing his songwriter of the year award-- “they found 8,000,000 opposing ballots in a bin behind his house! FRAUD!”

And last but most discourse-y-est of all, The Sun made waves today, pulling the most salacious parts of a Lou Teasdale interview with the Sex, Lies and DM Slides podcast from last week and bringing it to wider attention. In the interview she talked at length about systemic discrimination against women working in the music industry and her own work experiences, which naturally include (very briefly) touching on her highest profile job- the years she spent traveling with 1D. In this context she says “you kind of can’t sleep with them [the band]- it’s quite important to keeping your job... some people would come in and like you know assistants and stuff and I think they would really think... that it was love and obviously it’s not,” and “it’s just the quickest way to lose your job- because then they’ve got a new girlfriend and she’s there and they don’t want you in the room.” She did not sell her story to The Sun she mentioned this in passing as part of an interview about her work experiences; she herself says, “I didn’t do an interview [with] the sun. I’ve never done that. I did a podcast with friends about loads of things.”

There is nothing remotely unlikely in this story, either in the concept that members of the band slept with girls casually (we know that certain of them did and there isn't even anything wrong with that in a situation of consent, the denial of it is as bizarre as scribbling out the beer bottle in a 28 year old man's hand), or that low level members (“assistants and stuff”) of the 150 person+ crew appeared and disappeared on a regular basis. The band were, to my guess, probably simply not paying very much attention to the serious ramifications of this carelessness and the consequences rather than demanding that people be fired, but I do very much hope they've learned over the years to be responsible for the kind of power that they have over other peoples' lives (something I really doubt they understood the extent of yet as very young people being dragged from one place to another who felt powerless themselves).

[leossmoonn]

Distractions [Eddie Longo]

masterlist 

pairing - eddie longo x fem!reader

type - fluff, smut

note / request - so i’ve recently watched “tell me a story” and i love eddie, so naturally, i wrote a fic about him. enjoy!

summary - eddie goes to a bar across town after he robbed the jewellery store and meets you, a friendly bartender who helps take his mind off of things

warnings / includes - language, mention of robbery and murder, alcohol, talk about controlling ex-bf, suggestive, smutty scenes: making out, touching, no sex though. carla doesn't exist in this lol

————

*gif isn’t mine*

“Shit!” Eddie screamed, slamming his fist on the truck. 

“Hey! That’s my car, man!” Sam exclaimed, pushing Eddie back. 

Eddie glared at Sam, getting ready to push him back, but Mitch stopped his brother. 

“You two calm down,” Mitch demanded. “He pushed me!” Eddie exclaimed. 

“Grow up, Eddie. We’re not in the third grade anymore,” Sam remarked. 

“So? That doesn’t mean you needed to shoot that lady!” Eddie argued. 

“It was an accident. Things like that happen, it’s life. Get over it!” Sam stated. 

Eddie scoffed, shaking his head. “No. If we get caught, we could go to jail!”

“We're not, Eddie. Sam has done this many times before. It’s okay.” Mitch put a hand on his shoulder, but Eddie shrugged it off. 

“It’s not okay. None of this is okay,” Eddie muttered. “Why don’t you just go home then and cry to Mommy,” Sam taunted.  

Eddie looked between Sam and Mitch, balling his hands in fists. He knew it wasn’t going to get better if he stayed with them. So he turned around on his heels, trudging over to his car. Mitch sighed and followed him, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

“Ed, c’mon,” Mitch started. “I gotta go, Mitch. I can’t stay here,” Eddie muttered, “Not right now, at least.”

Mitch looked at his brother, a frown pulling down his lips as he saw the fear in Eddie’s eyes. He took his hand off of his shoulder, nodding in agreement. 

“Yeah… Yeah. I gotta go back home to Shelley, anyways. Call me when you’re back.” 

“Thanks,” Eddie muttered. He swung his truck door open, climbing in and shutting it. He turned on the ignition, his car rumbling underneath him as it started up. He turned on the radio as he stepped on the gas. Rock music played on his radio, the static playing louder than the actual music.

He drove for a few hours, not being able to stop replaying the events that happened earlier that day. He was beyond worried. He didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, and definitely didn’t mean for anyone to die. He just wanted money to get out of his shitty trailer, start over his shitty life, and maybe even get a girlfriend. But he knew that he had no chance for that now- like he had much of a chance before. He was a criminal, an even bigger one than before. He knew he could go to jail for more than just a week for this. He hoped Sam would eventually take the fall for it all, whether it was on his own terms or not.   

Eddie got off of the highway, seeing signs pointing to a bar a few miles away. He decided to get a few drinks before crashing in his car for the night. He parked in the front, jumping out and walking into the bar. He looked around. There were only a few people there, all of them drunk old men. Eddie walked up to the bar, taking a seat on one of the stools. While he waited for someone to serve him, you were in the back, arguing with your ex boyfriend on the phone. 

“It’s my apartment, Scott,” you griped. “Well, I payed all the bills!” Scott exclaimed into the mic. 

“That is bullshit. You and I both know that I worked all the late nights and paid every single damn penny. Not to mention, I was the one who was also doing your laundry and cooking and cleaning!”

Scott sighed over the phone. You smirked, knowing that he had nothing to say back to you now. 

“Yeah, well, I would still like my stuff back,” he muttered.  

“And you can pick it up by the dumpsters outside my apartment. Bye, Scott,” you hissed, hanging up the call before he could say anything else. 

You sighed and put your phone in your back pocket, straightening your clothes out before going back to the front. You walked out, your heels clicking on the floor, getting Eddie’s attention. 

“Hi, Welcome to O’Malley’s. Sorry for the wait,” you sighed. 

Eddie looked up at you, eyes widening and mouth agape. You were the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. 

You noticed his stare, your lips curling up into a smirk. “You gonna order or just stare at me?” 

Eddie broke out of his gaze, sitting up straight and averting his eyes from you. “Um, yeah, yeah. I’ll take whiskey. Neat.”

You nodded and got out a cup, pouring the alcohol in the glass before sliding it over to him. 

“Hey, Carl, you need another?” You called out to one of the old men who were sitting in the corner. 

“Nah, I think I’m gonna head out,” he shook his head, standing up out of his eat. “Alright. See you tomorrow,” you smiled at him. 

“See ya, honey!” Carl waved and walked out of the bar. 

You got out a rag and started to wipe down the bar as closing time was in fifteen minutes. Eddie lifted his cup up as you swiped the rag closer to him. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, moving away from him to wipe further down the table. 

Eddie titled his head to you, downing his drink in seconds. You looked up at him, brows raising as you saw that his glass was already empty. 

“Long day?” You asked, walking back to fill his cup. “Something like that,” he grumbled. 

He set his cup down and watched as you poured more whiskey. He studied your face, stomach flipping as your eyes met his. You had these pretty, tired, but still lively eyes that stared into his dark, lonely ones. Your lips curled up into a flirtatious, but soft smile the more you stared at him. His face and eyes mirrored back your playful expression. He lifted up his cup, putting it to his lips, not taking his eyes off of you. 

Your own eyes roamed his face. When you first looked at him, you had that initial attraction towards him. Now that you were able to look at him longer and closer, your heart began beating against your ribcage, and warmth spread down between your thighs. He was hot. No doubt about that. He looked a little scruffy with his 5′ o clock shadow and dishevelled hair. He had deep, green irises that surrounded his dilated pupils. He never took his eyes off of you for a second, not even to adjust his jacket collar. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was attracted to you, too.   

“Well, we close in ten minutes, but if you want to stay and chat, you can,” you offered, walking away and tossing the rag in the sink. 

“You don’t mind?” Eddie asked. “Not at all,” you shook your head. 

“Thanks,” he said. You turned to him, giving him a closed-mouth smile. “Of course. Let me just get these floozies out of here.”

Eddie nodded and watched you as you walked up to all the old drunks, getting them out of their seats and pushing them to the door gently. Eddie smiled as he saw how gentle you were with them, even if some of them refused to leave. You waved and said one last goodbye to all of them before locking the door and turning off the ‘open’ sign. You walked back to the bar, getting out a bottle of beer for yourself. 

“So, what’s your name, handsome?” You asked. 

“Eddie, what about you?” Eddie asked. “Y/n,” you answered.

“Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he remarked. You smiled at him through your lashes, giggling and hanging your head down low all school girl-like. “And here, I thought you were a shy one.” “Well, I got a little bit of liquid courage.” He held up the glass of whiskey, moving it side-to-side. 

“Got enough to tell me your last name?” You prompted. “Why would you need to know that?” Eddie asked, now tensing up. 

He tried to keep calm, but the thought of you being an undercover police officer and spying on him ran through his mind on repeat. 

“I just want to know who I’ll be spending the night with, is all. Why? Are you on the run or something, and afraid I’ll report you?” You joked. 

Eddie averted eye contact and you raised your brows, not realising that there was such a high percent chance of you being right. 

“I didn’t kill anybody,” Eddie disclaimed. “Oh,” you nodded, “That’s… reassuring.” Eddie sighed and looked away from you. He cursed at himself in his head. He was beginning to think that had a chance with you, but now he had just gone and fucked it up. He downed his whiskey, getting out his wallet and setting down a ten dollar bill. 

“Thanks for serving,” he muttered before getting up and walking to the door. 

Your eyes widened and you hurried out from behind the bar. You ran up to him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back. Your heart jumped as you felt the electric surge through your veins that came with touching him. Eddie stopped immediately, his muscles tensing, but then relaxing at your touch. He turned to you, confusion and a little hint of fear written on his face. 

“Don’t go,” you pleaded. You hated the way you sound. You normally weren't like this; begging for a man. But you had never seen Eddie before in all your life, and you had never met anyone so polite, yet so charming before. Sure, he looked rough and he definitely had secrets that would probably frighten you, but he had already proven himself to be a hell of a lot better than Scott. Why not give him a chance before really judging? 

“Why not? You looked pretty scared back there,” Eddie said. 

“I know,” you nodded. “But… I’m having a really shitty night, too, and I think it’d just be nice if we both have a friend for the night.”

Eddie looked down at your hand that was still wrapped around his wrist. You noticed his gaze and pulled your hand back, putting your arm behind your back. You looked back up to his face, begging him with your eyes. Eddie sighed, deciding to give in. 

He knew that if he left, he’d be worse off than he had been before he walked into the bar. Even just in the short time that he had been there, you had made him forget all about the robbery and accidental murder. With you, he felt like he could relax and have fun and be happy. That’s all he ever wanted, anyways.

“Yeah, it’d be nice to have a friend.”

You immediately perked up at his words, taking your hand back out and grabbing him by the wrist again. You led him back to the bar, filling his glass back up. 

“So, why're you having a shitty night?” Eddie asked. “My ex-boyfriend keeps calling me every hour, yelling and cursing at me, trying to get me back. He’s a controlling little asshole. I knew he was bad news, but I still went with him. Why? I honestly couldn’t tell you. I set the record straight, thought, and he’s out of my life. I just wish he’d stop calling though,” you explained. 

“Well, if he calls while I’m here, let me talk to him. No girl should be treated like that,” Eddie stated. 

You softened up at his words. “I like you even more now.”

Eddie smiled with you, “Good to hear.” “Are you really on the run?” You asked. 

“Not really,” he shook his head. “Soon, though, I’ll probably be.”

You held up your beer bottle in front of him. “Here’s to one of your last nights as a free man.”

Eddie chuckled and clinked his glass with yours. You two took big sips of your drinks. You set your bottle down, wiping your mouth roughly with the back of your hand. You looked at Eddie with flirtatious eyes, making butterflies flutter in his stomach. You leaned on the counter, your tank top dipping down to show off your cleavage. Eddie’s eyes looked down shamelessly for a few seconds, going back up to your face, to see a big smirk resting on your lips. 

“So, Eddie, what did you do that’s so bad?” You asked.  

“Um,” he hummed, “I don’t think you want to know.” 

You hummed, leaning closer to him. You leaned close enough to where your noses touched. Eddie started to breath heavily, not being able to control all the thoughts that were running through his head of you and him. You could feel his breath on your lips and you couldn’t help but giggle quietly as the tips of his ears turned pink. You kept looking him in the eyes, slightly intimidating him, but also turning him on. 

“I think I do want to know,” you contradicted him. “Why? Aren’t you scared?” Eddie challenged. 

Your heart skipped at his growing confidence. You decided to push him more by dipping your head down, brushing your lips against his ever-so-slightly. The action made your own mind go fuzzy, and it made Eddie gasp. He could feel his jeans tighten in response. You moved back a little, looking at him in the eyes.   

“I won’t be scared. I like a little danger,” you purred. You let your eyes wander down to his pants, checking him out before staring back up to his eyes. You cocked your brow up, making your words seem even more suggestive. 

Eddie looked into your eyes, a smirk of his own spreading across his lips. The next few things that happened were like scenes out of a movie. You jumped up on top of the bar counter, grabbing Eddie’s hand as you slid off and landed on your feet. You led him to the back room, pushing him up against the wall and crashing your lips onto his. Your hands made their way up from his arms to his shoulders. You took his jacket collar in your hands, pulling it down. Without breaking away from the kiss, he took his jacket off, placing his hands back onto your waist, where he gripped your sides, surely hard enough to create bruises. 

“You make out... with all the guys in… the... bar like this?” Eddie asked in-between kisses. 

You smirked into the kiss, pulling away. “Nope, only with you.”

Eddie grinned, “I’m the lucky one, huh?” “You sure are,” you nodded. 

You then took the back of his head and crashed his lips back onto yours. You two shared a wet and fervent, opened-mouth kiss. Kissing him was hot and filled with passion You had honestly never been kissed like this before. Sure, kisses with your ex-boyfriends were hot, and definitely wet and messy, but they were never filled with passion. No one kissed you like Eddie did. Not only did your lips fit perfectly together, but the way he slipped his tongue into your mouth so smoothly and didn't try to stick it down your throat like a 16 year old boy, only made you want him more. 

You entangled your hands in his hair, weaving your fingers through it and messing it up even more. Eddie trailed his lips down to your neck and you involuntarily bucked your hips up against his, grinding your core against his. Eddie groaned in your ear, his hands reaching down to your thighs and and lifting you up. He then spun you around and pressed you against the wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist, throwing your head back so he had better access to your neck. 

“Eddie,” you breathed out as his lips found your sweet spot. You arched your back at his teeth nipped at your skin. You pulled on the hair at the nape of his neck, egging him on further.  Him hearing you moan his name had a whole stampead swarming in his stomach. His left arm went under your bottom, holding you up with ease. His right hand untucked your tank top from your jeans, sliding his hand up your body. Goosebumps arose on your skin as his fingers danced up your body and to your bra. His fingertips skimmed over your bra, feeling your hardened nipples through the fabric.

You let out a high-pitched whine, followed by a broken pronunciation of his name. “A-Auiggh. Ed-Eddie.” You started to grind your lower half against his, feeling the need for more friction. 

Eddie groaned against your skin, his kisses getting more sloppy and wet with each buck of your hips. His hand went around to the back of your bra, going to the hooks and unclipping them quickly. You let out impressed gasp as the bra loosened around your breasts. The straps started to fall and you took your hands out of his hair, sliding your bra out of your shirt. As you tossed it onto the floor, your phone started to ring in your back pocket.  

“Dammit,” you muttered. 

Eddie pulled away, setting you down gently on your feet. 

“I’m sorry,” you apologised, pulling your phone out of your back pocket. You looked at the caller ID, groaning in annoyance and disgust. 

“Let me guess, Scott?” Eddie guessed. “Yep. I’ll be right back,” you sighed, beginning to walk away, but Eddie stopped you. 

He pulled you back gently by your arm, taking your phone from your hand. “Here, let me.”

You watched him with curious and confused eyes as he answered the phone, putting Scott on speaker.  

“Hi, Scott,” Eddie greeted, saying Scott’s name in an aggressive tone. 

“Um, who is this? I need to speak with Y/n,” Scott said. 

“No, you don’t,” Eddie stated matter-of-factly. “Yes, I do. That little bitch needs to learn her lesson for smashing my Xbox,” Scott hissed. 

Eddie raised his brows at you, but you shrugged shamelessly. Eddie grinned at you and turned his attention back to Scott. 

“Why don’t I teach you a little lesson, okay, Scott? You’re gonna leave Y/n alone. From what she’s told me, you’re a scumbag who is a controlling piece of shit, who treats women like garbage. If you ask me, I think Y/n had a right to smash your Xbox.” 

You gasped quietly. No one had ever stood up to Scott on your half before. You had tried multiple times yourself, but he always managed to find a way to belittle you even more and make you lose your confidence. What Eddie was doing now was just making you fall for him more. And honestly, it was turning you on a bit, too.

“What? Who the hell are you? If you don’t let me talk to Y/n, I’m going to-” Scott started, but Eddie was quick to cut him off.  “Going to what, Scott? ‘Cause I know a few people that, if Y/n gave me your address, would kill you before you could even get another word out. So stop calling her, threatening her, and don’t even think about trying to visit her to quote-on-quote “teach her a lesson”. Otherwise, you’ll have more things smashed than just your Xbox.” Eddie threatened before hanging up the phone.  

You looked at him with your eyes wide and full of amazement.

“That should do it. Guys like him only accept threats from other men. It’s bullshit, but it’s just how some people are,” Eddie said, handing you back your phone.  

“Thank you so much. No one, and I mean no one, has ever done that for me. I’ve always had to take care of myself, but it’s never been enough,” you chuckled. 

Eddie smiled, “You’re by far the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a lot of women. Scott just still has the mental age of a toddler. I bet if you went to wherever he lived and socked him, he’d leave you alone for good.”

You chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, he probably would. I don’t want to see him ever again, though. Who knows what he would do to me.”

“And that’s why you’re also the smartest woman I’ve ever met. You know what’s good for you.”

You set your phone down on a nearby chair, sauntering over to Eddie. You put your hands on his chest, sliding them up to his shoulders and tracing patterns. 

“If I know what’s good for me, then why am I hanging out out with you?” You asked, looking up at him through your lashes.  

“You’re right. Maybe you’re not so smart,” Eddie teased, snaking his arm around your waist. 

“Oh, Eddie, you’re so rude,” you scoffed, feigning offense. 

“Then why don’t you kick me out? Oh, right, you like me too much,” he stated. He put his hand on the small of your back, pulling you flush against him. 

You let out a small gasp as your chest met his. Your hands made their way to his hair once again, twirling the short strands between your fingers. “Yeah.” You bit your lip, your eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips. “I like you too much.”

————

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[half-bakedboy]

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: General Summary: “I’ve recently found myself with a lot of time on my hands and since you don’t seem to have enough to romance someone,” Buck began, settling his drink on the table, “I think it only makes sense for someone to romance you.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh and shot back, “Yeah, and how are you going to find someone willing to put in that effort?”

“Oh, you’re lookin’ at him.”

Or… Eddie gets the romance he deserves in the form of fluff-filled dates with Buck.

For @911fluffweek - day six: “But you love me anyway” // In your lap

(read chapter six on ao3 or start from the beginning)

Eddie found himself to be just as nervous standing on the step to Maddie’s home as he had been those few months ago. Back then, he was terrified of meeting his team’s families and having to somehow keep himself at arm’s length. He glanced over at where Buck gripped his hand tightly and realized just how badly he had failed at that task. 

“You know, you have to knock on the door, Eds,” Buck said, furrowing his eyebrows in equal parts confusion and concern. 

“Deja vu,” Eddie muttered, raising his hand to do just that. Before he could, the door flung open and Maddie stood before them, a wide grin on her face. 

“Little brother!” She shouted and Buck rolled his eyes at the name before wrapping his arms around his sister’s waist and hugging her tightly. Eddie loved the way Buck hugged. He always put his entire body into it, rocking from side to side with his arms enveloping every inch he could. He loved watching Buck hug others and the way their smiles lit up their faces almost as much as he enjoyed being on the receiving end of one of his embraces. 

“Hey, Mads,” he muttered, kissing her hair as he pulled back. “Where’s my favorite goddaughter?” He asked excitedly. Before Eddie could even so much as say hello, he was already making his way into the living room and picking Jee-Yun out of her pack-and-play to blow raspberries into her neck. 

“Has he always been like that?” Eddie asked, giving Maddie a one-armed hug and holding up the bottle of wine he had to insist Buck pick up. He never went to a home empty-handed and Buck never felt like a guest anywhere, so it was a miracle Eddie had convinced him to grab it in the first place. 

“He loves kids. Babies, toddlers, eight-year-olds with cute dads,” Maddie teased, winking at Eddie when he tried to stifle a laugh. “Even when we were teenagers, he was always looking after younger kids. Saving them from bullies, playing with them when they had no friends, sitting with them at family gatherings. It’s probably cause he’s such a kid at heart,” Maddie said, watching her brother fondly as he set Jee-Yun back down and walked over. 

He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist before he said, “She’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen, Maddie. Are you sure she’s yours and Chimney’s?” Maddie smacked him with the towel she had over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. 

“Here I was telling your boyfriend all about how great you are with kids, alluding to what a great dad you’ll be someday,” she said pointedly causing both of them to go wide-eyed, “and you insult me. Little brothers are always so ungrateful.” 

“I’ll be sure to tell Christopher that,” Eddie chuckled. He froze when he realized what he had said and had never been more grateful for a doorbell in his life. 

The rest of the team and their families arrived over the next few minutes and all of Eddie’s nerves washed away just like they had the first time. He was comfortable around his team, around the people he trusted every day with his life, and with much more than that if he was honest with himself. More importantly, Buck was a calming weight beside him that reminded him he wasn’t alone. 

“Howie and I thought it would be fun to do our little version of The Newlywed Game,” Maddie said once everyone had their drink of choice in hand. “So, everyone have a seat…” She gestured around, frowning at what Eddie assumed was the shortage of chairs. 

“I counted out before—” 

“You forgot to include yourself, didn’t you?” Maddie guessed and Chim didn’t say she was wrong. Eddie shrugged and stood behind the comfortable recliner Buck had planted himself in, reaching around to rest his hands on Buck’s shoulders and massaging gently. 

“Hey, that’s okay,” Eddie said quickly, not wanting to be the person that inconvenienced the rest of the party. “I’m totally good with standing and I’ll kick his lazy ass out of the chair if he gets too annoying,” Eddie added when Maddie stared worriedly in his direction. Eddie winked at her as Buck gasped dramatically, tugging on one of Eddie’s hands.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Buck challenged and Eddie wouldn’t admit he was right. “Besides, this chair is absolutely big enough to support the two of us, even if you’ve been eating extra bites of the desserts Christopher and I make when we’re not looking,” Buck accused. 

“No, seriously, Buck, it’s—” He was already tumbling onto Buck’s lap before he could finish his sentence. 

It was awkward at first as his hands flew out to try and grab onto the back of the chair and the armrest when he felt himself start falling. Eddie wasn’t a small guy, by any account. He was just under 200 pounds of muscle from years in the military and kept up with his physique with most mornings spent in the gym or hauling around 60 pounds of gear each day. Suddenly, though, he felt so small. 

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and rested his chin comfortably in the crook between Eddie’s neck and shoulder. He let his legs fall open so that Eddie could slot between them and Eddie let himself form to Buck’s warm body. He leaned into Buck’s touch, resting his own arms on the ones secured around him, and ignored the incredibly pointed gazes of his team.

Chim tossed his hands up in the air and defeatedly said, “Oh, they’re totally going to win.”

He wasn’t wrong, but Eddie attributed that to the fact that out of all of the couples around them, they were the newest. Hen and Karen had been together the longest out of all of the couples, working on ten years of marriage by the time Eddie joined the team. Bobby and Athena had six years under their belt and were just as ‘disgustingly in love’ as the day they met—Chim’s words, not his. He didn’t have much room to talk, though, because he and Maddie were almost at three years and it would take a crowbar to pry them apart when they were together. 

About an hour into the game, Hen made it clear that one of the happy couples would meet their bitter end while Maddie became increasingly more annoyed that Eddie seemed to know more about her brother than she did. 

“Why would you possibly know when Eddie and I had our first kiss?” Buck seethed as Maddie rolled her eyes in frustration. “You didn’t even know when you and your husband had your first kiss!” It was the wrong thing to say and they both knew it as Buck hid his face behind Eddie’s neck. 

Maddie didn’t care as she yelled, “He’s the one who didn’t know! I was right and I know it!” She grabbed a handful of popcorn from the neatly plated platter in between them and tossed it at Buck, effectively only coating Eddie in the snack. He held his hands up in defense just as Chim did. 

“Hey, I was in a hospital bed and I thought we had kissed then. I was on a lot of pain medication, Maddie, you can’t blame me for that!” 

“And you can’t throw food at me because your brother is a coward!” Eddie shot back, wriggling in Buck’s lap when he poked his fingers into Eddie’s sides in retaliation. 

“Can someone read the next question, please?” Bobby said in that commanding tone that had all of them muffling their laughter and ongoing arguments. 

“Alright, Bobby and Athena are up,” Chim said, clapping his hands together. “If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you’d buy together?” Athena started to write down her answer and Buck attempted to it, leaning over a bit too far considering the space Eddie took up on his lap. Eddie elbowed Buck in the ribs and pulled a face he hoped clearly told him to stop cheating before the team got even angrier at them. Buck pressed a messy kiss to his cheek and pretended he wasn’t even trying to peek. 

“What d’ya say, Cap?” 

“Athena is too smart to let us spend money on anything. It’s going straight into a college fund for Harry and May,” Bobby answered, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. It was called for because Athena turned over her board to reveal the word COLLEGE spelled out in all caps. She cheered and pressed a big kiss to Bobby’s lips. 

“Lucky round, we all knew the answer to that one,” Hen teased, patting Karen’s thigh as she turned toward Chim for their question. “Hit us up, Han. We’re kicking all of your asses,” she commented. 

Buck chimed in, “Except for us!” It was a reminder that literally no one needed and they all glared daggers in Buck’s direction. Eddie didn’t mind the way Buck hid behind him that time. He laced their fingers together, bringing one up to his mouth for a soft kiss as Chim read out the next question. 

“What was the last date that you went on?” Buck stifled his laughter in Eddie’s shoulder the second both Hen and Karen’s eyes widened in panic. Athena was brazen as always and allowed hers to ring loudly over everyone. 

“Oh, c’mon ladies, really?” Athena shouted. Hen glared at her while Karen wrote down—and then crossed out and then wrote something else—on her board. She shook her head guiltily at her wife when the timer buzzed. 

“The reason we’re kicking all of your asses is cause you know the answers to those ridiculous questions about your partner’s childhood pet but can’t even remember when you last got them flowers,” Buck pointed out. The looks on everyone’s faces told Eddie that while he shouldn’t have said it, he was absolutely right. 

“Yeah, well, what was Eddie’s first job, then?” Maddie shot back to which Eddie sighed because Buck knew the answer to that. They had talked about it one night when Eddie was explaining why he enlisted in the army in the first place. 

Buck smirked and answered, “Easy. Technically, he worked construction with his uncle before he turned 18 but he was paid under the table,” he paused for only a moment before finishing, “and he enlisted in the United States Army almost the second he was old enough to.” He held up his hand for a high five but Eddie gauged the looks around him and decided his team already hated him enough for one night. 

“Hen, what’s your answer?” He asked, knowing that out of everyone in the room, Hen would be the one to get him out of the situation he found himself in. She took pity, if only so that they could get their round over with, and took a deep breath with her eyes closed. 

“Alright, I had the day off three weeks ago but Denny was sick and the day off before that was spent getting the foster twins settled…” Hen looked up at the ceiling and let out the breath she was holding slowly. “We went to that Japanese steak house and sushi bar a few months ago?” Karen cheered and flipped her board over revealing what Eddie assumed was the name of the restaurant Hen had been talking about. Karen leaned over and kissed her wife soundly, both of them glaring over at Buck who waved his hand dismissively. 

“Will you stop pissing off our friends, please?” Eddie whispered while Maddie and Chim prepared themselves for their round. Buck shook his head and hiked himself up a little in the chair causing Eddie to immediately panic. He had almost forgotten that the two of them were sharing a damn chair like teenagers who thought they were in love. Eddie made to get up as he said, “Do you need me to—”

Buck grabbed onto his arms and shook his head, smiling softly up at him. “I’m good, just had to reposition. Just let me…” As if Eddie weighed nothing, Buck moved him to a more comfortable position still on his lap and Eddie let out a very embarrassing yelp at the suddenness of the motion. He wasn’t used to being… manhandled, the way Buck had apparently been comfortable with doing. 

“We have a spare bedroom if you two need some privacy,” Maddie offered, gesturing over her shoulder and down the hallway. The entire team groaned in displeasure while Buck flipped her off, but she shrugged and mouthed, The offer still stands, in Eddie’s direction. 

“Babe, pay attention,” Chim began, earning an eyebrow raise from his wife. He grinned at her as he usually did, and asked, “Describe what you first thought of me in one word.” 

“Maddie, now’s your chance to really let him know how you feel,” Buck teased, egging her on with an excited nod of his head. Maddie rolled her eyes in response and as she wrote her answer on the board, she gestured between her and Chim’s heads as if trying to somehow start some telepathic connection. 

“I can’t believe Chim somehow found someone just as strange as he is,” Hen muttered much to the agreement of everyone around them. The couple in question didn’t care, though, because they were too busy staring at each other. Eddie thought it was cute, but apparently, everyone else was ready to get on with the game. 

“Hey, weirdo, what’s your answer?” Bobby shouted and Buck let out a huff of laughter. It was always nice when Bobby let loose a little and he was seemingly at that point if the name he chose said anything. 

“Cute. She thought I was cute,” he answered. Maddie turned her clipboard around slowly, beaming wider each second because she got the answer right. She cheered and pulled Chim into a very full kiss, both of them smiling into it. 

“Alright, boys, we’re three for four this round. You get this right or wrong, you still win, so we’re gonna pick the toughest question,” Hen commented and before Buck could argue, Athena held up a hand and raised her eyebrows at him. It was the easiest way to shut him up and everyone there knew it. 

“Oh, honey, this one. This is the one,” Athena said, laughter already brightening up her voice. Eddie winced even as Buck squeezed the arm still wrapped around his waist a little tighter in reassurance. Maddie let out a loud laugh before she read the next question out loud. 

“Which one of you would Buck say is the most attractive in the relationship?” 

“That is so not a fair question!” Buck whined immediately, grabbing the board from his sister to scribble his answer. 

Eddie eyed him and at Buck’s inquisitive look, he said, “You answered that incredibly quickly.” 

“Hey, no cheating. Eddie, what’s your answer? Who’s more attractive?” Chim asked and then let out a barely contained cackle. “Wait, oh my god, Eddie is either going to say himself which is going to sound extremely narcissistic or Buck is going to have his own name on that board which is the most egotistical answer and man, this question was genius. Athena, I would bow to you if I could.”

Eddie shook his head and glared at his captain’s wife, uncaring that he was there to witness it all. Bobby had a warm smile on his face that Eddie connected to the fact that he was there, with the family he said he wasn’t going to become a part of, laughing and teasing and cuddling up to his boyfriend of almost six months. It wasn’t where Eddie thought he’d be but where Bobby had assumed they’d end up. 

He made a mental reminder to thank Bobby later. 

“The answer is obviously Buck, but before you start with me,” he pointed at Chim accusingly before he continued, “it’s not because either of us are full of ourselves. It’s because he knows that I would never name myself in any situation. He knows we’re both equally attractive—”

“—And have tested it on many occasions!” Buck interjected but Eddie wasn’t about to explain to his team that they had competitions on who could get the most numbers when they went out together. 

“He knows we’re both conventionally attractive men who would possibly fight someone for thinking otherwise but would never actually admit it about ourselves. He also knows that I would just argue with him if he said anything else. So,” he took a deep breath before he finished, “that board says Buck’s name.” 

“I don’t think all of that could fit on a whiteboard, Eds,” Buck teased, but he flipped over the board to reveal his own name. Scribbled underneath was one short sentence, squished in the small space. It said, Because Eddie won’t let me say it’s him.  

He wasn’t sure what came over him, but all of a sudden, Eddie had his arms tossed around Buck’s neck and their lips pressed together passionately, uncaring that his entire team was watching him. He had never had a connection like the one he had with Buck and this stupid game had solidified to Eddie that the fact they knew each other so well wasn’t all in his head. It made every part of Eddie so incredibly happy. 

“Next game night, Buddie stays at home,” Chim said begrudgingly and Eddie didn’t mind that everyone around him agreed. He felt like a teenager again; sitting in the lap of the man he really, really loved, with warm arms wrapped around him, and what felt like a permanent smile on his face. 

“Eh, we’ll just take the guest bedroom next time,” Buck shot back. Eddie blushed darker than he had been already, but he didn’t say anything in return. He just let Maddie and Chim tease, Hen and Karen roll their eyes, and Bobby and Athena watch the people they considered their ‘kids’ enjoy the night together. 

It was as perfect as perfect could get, Eddie thought. Even when he felt his eyes drooping shut at the end of it all, he knew he would wake up to Buck in his bed and the feeling of family and home etched into his heart. He was starting to believe it would never disappear and he held onto it tighter just to be sure. 

[snowonthebeachmp3]

July 2016

Jul 3rd - Taylor's 4th of July festivities kick off at her Rhode Island house. Guests include Tom Hiddleston, Abigail Anderson, Matt Lucier, Claire Winter, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Karlie Kloss, Josh Kushner, Austin Swift, Ruby Rose, Harley Gusman, Halston Sage, Gigi Hadid, Cara Delevingne, Britany Maack, Ben LaManna, Martha Hunt, Jason McDonald, Uzo Aduba, Chioma Aduba, Jordan Masterson, Kesha, St Vincent, Ed Sheeran, Cherry Seaborn, Rachel Platten, Kennedy Rayé and the Haim sisters. (x) (x) (x) (x)

This is the day Tom wears the infamous 'I <3 TS' tank top while they're all at the beach. (x)

Jul 4th - The online mockery for the 'I <3 TS' shirt is quick to pour in. Daily Mail commenters are yet to shut up about it in 2021.

The party continues with a giant inflatable waterslide, body painting, karaoke, charades and fireworks. (x) And also Kesha and Haim getting tricked by Cara, Uzo and Ruby into thinking they heard scary noises in the night, and trying to call the police but not knowing their own location. (x) (x)

Jul 5th - The day after the party, when all the guests post their photos online.

Britany posts a photo of her & Ben, Blake & Ryan, and Taylor & Tom. (x) The internet has a field day with Ryan's unimpressed facial expression. (x) (Ryan later says that it's just his resting bitch face as he wasn't aware a photo was being taken. (x))

Taylor posts several photos to Instagram of her celebrating the 4th July with friends, but doesn't post any pictures with Tom. (x)

Claire Winter posts a bunch of Polaroids, including one of Taylor and Tom kissing. (x)

Abigail posts a photo to Instagram showing the banners Taylor put up to celebrate her engagement to Matt and the anniversaries of Cara & St Vincent (real name Annie Clark) and Ed & Cherry. (x)

Jul 6th - Taylor and Tom fly out of Rhode Island (x) and arrive at LAX that evening. (x) They then get on a plane to Australia.

Joe attends the Warner Music Group summer party in London. (x)

Rumours are swirling that Tom is no longer in consideration to be the next Bond, due to his relationship with Taylor. (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Jul 8th - Taylor and Tom are flying on a commercial Quantas flight so someone is able to take a pic of them on the plane. (x)

According to another passenger on the plane, Taylor plays Scrabble during the flight (presumably on her phone because nobody takes big physical board games on commercial flights and the creepshot of Hiddleswift on the plane suggests she wouldn't have had anywhere to put the board anyway). In hindsight, knowing how Taylor and Joe play lots of Scrabble together including online Scrabble aka Words With Friends, and how they stayed in touch largely via texting that summer, it’s very possible she was playing against Joe.

Taylor and Tom arrive in Sydney, where Tom is about to start filming for Thor: Ragnarok. (x) Aussie media, including daytime TV, goes nuts over Hiddleswift's arrival in the country. (x)

Flying from LA to Australia involves crossing the international dateline, so they would have left the US on the 6th July local time and arrived in Sydney approx 15 hours later on the 8th July local time.

Calvin's new song Olé, written for John Newman, is released. There is speculation that it's a Hiddleswift song, written from Tom's perspective and containing lyrics implying that Taylor cheated on Calvin with Tom. However, sources also told multiple outlets that the song was written and recorded months earlier, and its supposed links to Hiddleswift were just for publicity. (x) (x)

Jul 9th - Tom goes out for a run (x) and avoids answering questions about Taylor. (x)

Jul 10th - Taylor and Tom go out for dinner to Gemelli Italian restaurant in Broadbeach on Australia's Gold Coast. (x)

Jul 11th - Taylor is named as the highest earning celebrity on the 2016 Forbes Celebrity 100 list, with earnings of $170m mostly due to the 1989 World Tour. If she and Calvin had not split up, they would have been the top-earning celebrity couple. (x)

Jul 12th - Taylor visits Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital in South Brisbane. (x)

Jul 13th - Us Weekly makes a wild claim that Tom is planning to propose soon, and Taylor is going to say yes. The magazine cover also claims they're already talking about babies. (x)

TMZ claims that Taylor wrote TIWYCF, and that Calvin disrespecting Taylor following its release was the reason for their breakup. (x)

Taylor Swift really is the creative brains behind Calvin Harris' monster hit "This is What You Came For," and their relationship fell apart because he disrespected her when the song was released ... this according to sources connected with Taylor.

It's a fascinating story. We've learned an early fan rumor about the song is true, but to a deeper extent than anyone suspected. During their relationship, Taylor wrote the song, sat down at a piano and did a demo into her iPhone. She sent it to Calvin, who loved it. They both went into a studio and did a full demo with Taylor on vocals and Calvin doing the beat.

They both knew the song would be a hit, but Taylor wrote it for Calvin and both agreed it was a bad idea to let the world know they collaborated as a couple ... it would overshadow the song.

So Taylor, who kept the publishing rights, used the pseudonym Nils Sjoberg on the credits.

//

The problem in the relationship came the day the song was released. Calvin appeared on Ryan Seacrest's radio show and Ryan asked, "Will you do a collaboration with your girlfriend?" Calvin responded, "You know we haven't even spoken about it. I can't see it happening though."

We're told Taylor was hurt and felt Calvin took it too far.

It was a quick downward spiral from that point. One source called it "the breaking point in the relationship." The Met Gala was several days later, when Taylor danced with Tom Hiddleston.

Tree confirms to People magazine that Taylor did write TIWYCF under the pseudonym Nils Sjöberg. (x)

Calvin also confirms that Taylor wrote TIWYCF and goes on a Twitter rant:

Katy Perry tweets a gif of Hillary Clinton with a smug/'told you so' expression. (x) She also retweets an older tweet from May 2015 which reads, 'Time, the ultimate truth teller.' (x)

#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty trends on Twitter (x) (x) and Taylor's Instagram comments are spammed with the snake emoji. (x)

Following Calvin's tweets, TMZ publishes another article claiming he is downplaying Taylor's involvement in the song as she wrote the melody in addition to the lyrics. (x)

Jul 14th - Taylor goes out shopping in Gold Coast. (x)

Tom mentions Taylor in an interview with the Hollywood Reporter: (x)

You're in the middle of a cultural frenzy right now because you're dating Taylor Swift. How would you respond to people who claim that you're involved in some sort of publicity stunt?

(Laughs.) Well, um. How best to put this? That notion is — look, the truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we're very happy. Thanks for asking. That's the truth. It's not a publicity stunt.

Martha says at a Pepsi/World Emoji Day event that Taylor and Tom are 'both happy and free together. It's amazing, I'm all about people being happy in love.' (x)

Kim talks about Taylor and the Famous controversy in a clip from an upcoming episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (x)

“I never talk shit about anyone publicly, especially in interviews. But I was just like I had so had it,” Kim says in the clip to her sister Kourtney. “I wanted to defend him in it. She legitimately quote says, ‘As soon as I get on that Grammy red carpet I’m gonna tell all the press. Like I was in on it.’”

“And then she just didn’t like the reaction?” Kourtney says in response.

“Yeah, and you know just another way to play the victim,” Kim replies. She then brings the infamous VMAs moment from 2009 by saying, “It definitely got her a lot of attention the first time… I just don’t think he should be punished for it still to this day.”

Jul 17th - Kim posts an edited recording of Kanye and Taylor's phone call. In it, they discuss the 'I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex' line and Taylor says, 'Go with whatever line you think is better. It’s obviously very tongue in cheek either way. And I really appreciate you telling me about it. That’s really nice.' However, nowhere in the Snapchat video does Kanye consult her about the line, 'I made that bitch famous,' which is the line Taylor insisted she had never approved. (x) The other Kardashian sisters retweet and support Kim. (x)

(The full recording of the call, leaked in 2020, confirms that Kanye never told Taylor he was going to call her a bitch. It also shows her reminding him that she sold 7 million albums before he had even heard of her, in response to him suggesting the lyric, 'I made her famous.')

Kim takes to Twitter to call Taylor a snake.

Taylor posts a statement on Instagram responding to Kim's Snapchat video. (x)

Selena tweets, 'There are more important things to talk about… Why can’t people use their voice for something that fucking matters? This industry is so disappointing yet the most influential smh' (x)

Katy Perry tweets, '#RISE above it all' and links to her new single. People interpret it as a dig at Taylor. (x)

Martha Hunt tweets, 'It's pathetic how quick our culture is to sensationalize a fabricated story...' (x)

Jul 18th - #KimExposedTaylorParty spends the day trending at number one worldwide on Twitter. (x) To the point where 0.8% of all tweets posted in the entire week from the 18th-24th use the hashtag. (x) (Assuming that 1/7th of the week's total tweets were posted on each day, that means more than 1 in every 20 tweets on the 18th used the hashtag.) #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty also returns.

TMZ claims to have a copy of a letter from Taylor's lawyer, dating back to February, demanding that Kanye destroy the recording of their phone conversation and reminding him that it is a felony to secretly record a phone conversation in California. (x)

Taylor changes the name on her writing credits for TIWYCF on the BMI songwriters database. She is now listed as Taylor Swift instead of Nils Sjöberg. (x)

Camilla Belle, the subject of Taylor's 2010 song Better Than Revenge, posts a quote to Instagram which reads, 'No need for revenge. Just sit back & wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves & if you’re lucky, God will let you watch.' (x)

Abigail tweets against Kim and Kanye, saying, 'May God forgive you & your wife for doing to others the very things you pray are NEVER done to your daughter.' She deletes the tweets after receiving death threats but leaves a tweet which reads, 'Guys…I will always stand by my best friend. There's no point in fighting over that.' (x)

Joseph Kahn (director of many of Taylor's music videos) defends Taylor on Twitter. (x)

The aunt of Dinah Jane from Fifth Harmony tweets, 'I always knew @/taylorswift13 was a SNAKE! Trying 2 break up my girls & use @/camilacabello97 as her protégé bitch bye you’ve been exposed!’ (x) The tweet is soon deleted and she claims her account was hacked. (x) (Camila quit the band at the end of 2016 and has since said that Taylor had nothing to do with her decision to leave.) (x)

Paula Erickson, Taylor’s former publicist from 2007 until 2014, likes a two-and-a-half-week-old tweet dragging Hiddleswift for being a badly executed bit of PR by Taylor and Tree. (x)

James Corden spoofs the recorded phone call on the Late Late Show. (x)

Calvin is rumoured to be dating Tinashe. (x)

Jul 20th - Todrick Hall defends Taylor, saying, 'She's one of the most genuine people I've ever met in my entire life.' (x)

Uzo Aduba says Taylor is 'a beautiful person and strong' and that she will overcome the Kimye drama. (x)

Paula likes another tweet shading Taylor and Tree. (x)

A graffiti artist creates a mural in Melbourne 'in loving memory of Taylor Swift' (misspelled as Smith). According to the artist, they are then contacted by Taylor's lawyers and threatened with legal action. (x)

Jul 21st - Taylor's Wikipedia page is vandalised with insults. (x)

Taylor and Tom fly back from Australia into a private airport in LA, and are seen out and about. (x) (x)

Jul 22nd - Fergie, who had Kim appear in her M.I.L.F. $ music video, says she thinks the Kimye-Taylor feud was planned and 'they’ll probably all come together at the MTV Awards or something.' (x)

Taylor goes to the gym in LA. It is the first time she has appeared in public since Kim posted the edited video, and her phone screen is now shattered. (x)

She also returns to Instagram to wish Selena a happy birthday. (x)

Jul 23rd - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

Tom is at Comic Con in San Diego. (x)

Calvin lip-syncs to Kanye's song That Part in a video posted on his Snapchat. (x) He also attends J-Lo's birthday party and is photographed with Kim. Apparently they have a friendly chat. (x) A source claims to E!, 'When Kim walked in Calvin saw her and stood up. He was clearly excited to see her and said 'hi' to Kim backstage.' (x)

Jul 24th - Taylor blocks the snake emoji from her Instagram comments section using a new Instagram feature. (x)

Tom is seen at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills with members of Taylor's security team. (x)

Jul 26th - Tom flies back to LA from NYC, where he has just spent a couple of days. On the same day, Taylor's plane arrives back in LA from Nashville, where she has spent a couple of days. (x)

VMA nominations are announced. Taylor is not nominated in any category, despite Out Of The Woods and Wildest Dreams being eligible, leading some people to think she has been snubbed. Gossip Cop, an outlet widely used by celebrity publicists to quietly squash rumours, says that Taylor did not submit any videos for consideration this year. (x)

Jul 27th - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

John Newman, singer of Calvin's song Olé, jokes, 'Supposedly we had a holiday where he was movin’ on from his ex-missus,' referring to the trip to Mexico to film the music video, which involved girls and a yacht. He also says he doesn't think it's his place to say what inspired Calvin to write the song. (x)

Taylor and Tom go for dinner at Hillstone restaurant in Santa Monica. One source claims they 'seemed to really be enjoying each others’ company.' (x) It is the last time they are papped together.

Kanye makes a surprise appearance at Drake's concert in Chicago where he responds to Kim's Snapchat video for the first time, saying, 'All I gotta say is, I am so glad my wife has Snapchat. Because now y’all can know the truth. And can’t nobody talk shit about ‘Ye no more.' (x)

Cara appears on James Corden's show and talks about how she, Uzo and Ruby pranked Kesha and Haim at Taylor's 4th of July party. She mentions consulting Taylor and Tom first so that security knew what they were up to. She also says that Taylor and Tom got woken up at one point by all the noise they were making, and came upstairs together to find Cara and Uzo still making ghost noises. (x)

Jul 28th - Taylor goes to the gym in LA. (x)

Jul 29th - Sources close to Calvin deny rumours that he is planning to collaborate on music with Kanye. (x)

Abigail likes E! News' Instagram photo of Tom and Taylor going out for dinner on the 27th, which has a gushing caption about them. (x)

Jul 31st - Taylor is seen entering her gym in LA through the back door. (x)

A fan sees Tom and Taylor at The Church Key restaurant in LA. (x) The outing is not papped.

Intro // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September // October // November

[pynkhues]

[purple heart] [ring] [baby]

(This is coming so late, I’m sorrrry, haha)

💜- top 3 favorite lines

In Weird News, my book went to print last week (!) and so basically everything in my head at the moment has been related to that and not to fic, so I suddenly can’t remember a single thing I’ve written in this fandom, haha.

Soooo, I’m going to share an excerpt of my novel I really love instead. It’s actually a scene that wasn’t in the earlier drafts and was something I wrote during the last round of edits as my editor thought that I needed to feed a little more context to a particular dynamic. She thought there was enough on the page to get by, but with the way the story is structured, the timeline starts late in both of these relationships, and she said that she was hungry to know more of the history of them as both an editor and a reader.

I wrote this scene pretty quickly (it just sort of tumbled out of me), and it’s since become one of both my editor’s and my favourite scenes in the whole thing. I’m not sure if it’ll stand so well on its own here without the rest of the story, but what the hell.

-

It happens like this:

Ed leaves and Delia throws herself into work.

Ed leaves and Delia picks up more classes at the college and loses herself in study plans and marking and guiding the work of her students – the vulnerable new talent and the amateur egos and the kids who want the aesthetic but not the grind, who want awe not help, praise not critique, the ones who aren’t up for the challenge and the ones who are, and it works for those first six months.

It works because Delia’s been a lot of things, but she’s never been the sort to languish for days unoccupied, and it’s easy to forget Ed’s not at home when she’s working or managing the school run or fighting her mother’s memories and her own at Saint Anne’s, and the nights she can’t forget are so few that she doesn’t need anything but her own hand or her showerhead or her vibrator to find a peak she can tumble over, and it works.

For six months.

Because Ed left before he leaves, and they hadn’t made love in months anyway, and when they had it hadn’t felt like them, and he hadn’t touched her like she’d wanted him to, and she hadn’t kissed him because of that. Because it hadn’t felt right.

Because, because, because.

But then it’s six months later and Ed has left her, and her daughter feels like somebody else’s and her sons are growing up too fast and Ed’s cagey about coming over now that he’s shacked up with his girlfriend, as if the kids might find out he was fucking her before he stopped fucking Delia, and so Delia works more, and she’s helping Griff – a tender talent, not one of those students fantasising about futures that’ll never happen – and he’s in her office one night and she’s just helping him with his second-year folio, and it’s not – it’s nothing like—

But he kisses her.

He kisses her and oh.

Maybe she’d been lonely after all.

💍- your most underrated story

I talked about On a Balcony with Champagne Lips here, but I’m actually always a bit surprised Get Your Kicks Driving Me Down isn’t more popular than it is? It’s not that it’s unpopular at all, but it’s definitely one of my least popular Brio one-shots, which is always a little bit of a bummer because it was a story I put a lot of work into. I hadn’t really written many fight scenes before, and writing Rio trying to teach Beth self-defense after 2.07 and it ending in messy sexy times was something that was both challenging and a lot of fun to write, haha.

👶- advice for new writers

I’m a very firm believer that you have to know the rules of writing before you can decide to break them. 

I think when writers start out (me included!), they tend to jump in with both feet and can passionately fall into this idea of writing, more so than the writing itself. The process becomes a sort of aesthetic one where the goal isn’t creating a story, but of creating a transcendent work that connects with people far and wide, but that’s not really how it works.

Writing’s a trade.

I think a natural affinity is definitely a part of it, sure, but only so much as it is for any trade. I swim a lot, for example, and as a result am a pretty strong swimmer, but I’m not fast and I’m never going to win any prizes for it. I don’t have a natural affinity for it, but the hard work got me pretty good. At the same time though, no naturally good swimmer gets in a pool with no training and wins gold at the Olympics.

They work and learn and train.

Understanding things like building setting, cause and effect, character motivations + arcs, beginnings, middles and ends, hell, even sentence and paragraph structure, might all seem like things you inherently know (and I think we do, to an extent. I think people are natural storytellers), but writing is a craft and like any other craft, you still need to study up on the basics before you can start playing with those things in a way that’s effective and compelling.

You need to learn how to swim before you can start inventing your own strokes.

Learn the rules of storytelling, then do whatever the hell you want with them, but I can guarantee you that if you decide to jump in and immediately decide you’re going to write a story with no setting or no ending, you’re going to look like you’re splashing around in the shallows.

I know I did! I read some of my first short stories where I obviously knew next to nothing about story structure, and they are. Um. Not good, haha.

Natural talent gets you nowhere if you don’t put the work in to learn what came before you and besides, breaking the rules is a lot more fun when you know what it is you’re breaking. ;-)

Writer Ask Game 

[slashingdisneypasta]

MultiVillain x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: Okay, so this is how it goes. Reader’s in love with (Villain), and (Villain) is in love with them… but no one ever said it out loud, and now Reader is marrying someone else.

Includes: Napoleon Boneparte (Misc), Human!Oogie Boogie (Disney Villain), Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham), Slenderman (Creepypasta), The Clown (Horror Villains)

Warnings: Alcohol intake, talk and hints towards murder of course, and swearing. 

Notes:

Inspired by ‘Marry Me’ (Either by Thomas Rhett [The guy’s POV which is what this will be in] or Elle Mears [Your POV, if you wanna see how Reader’s thinking]) and I recommend you listen while you read! ^^

I’m so happy!! I finally wrote something more then headcanons for Oogie! And this is also my first time writing for the Clown, so be easy on me XD

I hope you like this- I for one, am actually pretty proud of it! 

~~~

Napoleon Boneparte (You’re having a nighttime wedding- you made this decision of course so your friend and secret soulmate could attend):

She wants to get married, she wants it perfect She wants her grandaddy preaching the service Yeah, she wants magnolias out in the country Not too many people, save her daddy some money

Before walking into the church, I halt a moment at the side so others may get inside by me. This will be hard. I need a moment, just a moment… to pull myself together. It would be very bad, if I were to panic as Y/N makes their way down the aisle.

Hand on the church, more to hold myself together rather then to hold myself up. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be here? Should I leave? That stupid Capone said I might not be able to control myself and will object when the preacher asks… he’s not right, is he? It’s true, I don’t feel entirely under my own control right now…. But I need to be here. To support Y/N on their big day.

… I do love them, far more than any man every should a nearly married person, and even if I can’t have them for myself, I would, happy, do very near anything to make them happy.

So, if�� If they want me here, as they said they do… Then I have to go in. I can’t chicken out now. I am the great Napoleon Boneparte. I can attend a wedding. Bon dieu.

Viva La France.

I can do this.

Forward!

As soon as I walk in, it is as if I am strolling into Y/N’s mind. This is just as they always wanted, with a few obvious added things by the other one that’s getting married today, like the chiselled cat head mahogany chairs… not that I think Y/N would disapprove if they weren’t, in fact, kind enough to just agree right away, seeing as it isn’t only their day.

The white makes a beautiful backdrop for their chosen accent colour, and the people in the room are exactly who I would imagine to accompany Y/N in her daily life, when I cannot be there. There’s not a sour, or in any way unexcited and unencouraging expression in the place.

Honestly, with my whole heart, wish I could feel the same as them.

Then Y/N comes into the room, and steals the breath right out of my chest. Like always.

Human!Oogie Boogie:

Ooh, she got it all planned out Yeah, I can see it all right now

I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask

Christ, what kinda shindig is this?? I’ve asked everyone and their cat, including somebodies’ mother who looks like a cat, to play a tiny game of Blackjack with me while we wait for the main event, but nothing! Nada! What’s wrong with these people? Are they dying to just sit around and contemplate their loneliness until the two hosts get hitched??

I, for one, am not playing that game today.

Of course, I’m also avoiding Y/N at all costs so maybe I’m not the best example of a man controlling his emotions.

“Oogie!”

My shoulders seize up visibly, at Y/N’s voice behind me and I stop shuffling my cards. I only decide to turn around and face them like a man, when they give up waiting and round me so I can see their beaming face.

Oh, they look so happy.

That’s nice… in a terrible, heartbreaking, awful kind of way.

“Heya, Y/N. You look great!” I start shuffling the cards again in my hand, distracting my hands from and refraining myself from, taking their hand and kissing it, or pulling them into a hug. If I did that, I think theirs an acute possibility I would end up saying something we would both regret, in a moment of determination… and devastation, of course. Can’t forget that.

Really, I can’t. It’s a very prominent feeling right now in my chest, just being here. Just knowing this is happening.

“Thank you!” They beam wider, and oh Jesus. They’re so beautiful when they look happy- I wish I could make them this happy.

… But that’s all the other guy. The one they’re hitching.

They run their bottom lip through their teeth, looking down at the cards in my hands and then smirking in that mischievous way that always somehow makes this blackheart’s insides clench up. In a good way, but still. Tilting their head, they look back up at my face. “Had no luck getting anyone to bet with you yet?”

I let out a deep, theatrical sigh full of frustration. “No! Your guests all suck, Y/N.”

“Even you?”

“No, not me. I’m the King.”

“Right,” They laugh, then goes and sits down at a nearby table. “Well we have 10 minutes until I have to go get ready to walk- I’ll play you if you want!”

My heart pops like a balloon, and goes flying, wheezing around in my rib cage as I just smile at them for a good moment- unmarried, and free, and mine. For ten to fifteen more minutes. Hell yeah, I’m going to sit down and play with them.

Why aren’t I telling them not to? I wonder, as I deal us both cards and they pick theirs up and make cheeky ‘Hmmm’ sounds to throw me off. Why don’t I tell them, right now, how I feel? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I here, is also a valid question but I already beat myself up over that last night when I was picking out my tie. I’m her friend, and they deserve to be… yuck. Happy, with the person they chose.

And I guess, that’s the answer to all my other questions too.

Let me just enjoy this last game, this last 600 seconds with them.

Oswald Cobblepot:

I remember the night when I almost kissed her Yeah, I kinda freaked out, we'd been friends for forever And I always wondered if she felt the same way When I got the invite, I knew it was too late

And I know her daddy's been dreading this day Oh, but he don't know he ain't the only one giving her away

As soon as Y/N leaves my side to go and freshen up for the aisle walk, I find myself a seat in the very back of the church / auditorium and rest in for the event. I will not be moving from this hidden away spot, in convenient shadow, with my secret flask of terrible smelling stuff that Victor gave me before arriving, until this shitshow is over and I can leave.

I’m only here in the first place, because Y/N asked me. And, evidently, my idiocy runs deep because I accepted such an invitation. I will do anything, for them. I learnt my lesson in dealing in peoples love lives, with Edward and Isobel- I will not let my relationship with Y/N go as badly as that one did, with Ed.

So if I must sit here and watch them marry that moron, (Fiancé’s Name), then that is what I’ll do. But I won’t sit in the front and watch it, and I will be as drunk as whatever this drink can make me.

Maybe I should text Victor, the deadly assassin, and ask what the contaminants are…

An unevolved, ap-like woman walks past my seat and I must be too close to the aisle because I can hear her yap like a strangled cat about what a cute couple Y/N and (Fiancé’s Name) are together and how they must be soulmates, and I don’t think twice before gulping down a huge mouthful of the alcohol. If this is how I die, then so be it, I think bitterly as I slide further down the aisle.

“Fuck!” The word comes out of me before I can stop it, my face probably the picture of horror and disgust. This… drink, if I can even call it that -more of an undiluted acid, if you ask me, - tastes like regret and earwax.

The same ape-like woman from before flashes a stern, disapproving look at me like she thinks she’s my mother, and I show her my middle finger. Uncouth, yes, but affective. This is a bad day, and I am in no mood to deal with bitches like her. She quickly looks away, and I take another, smaller, sip of the drink.

Another moment passes and the wedding doesn’t seem to be even a second closer to ending, so I sit up straight and close my eyes, holding the flask in my lap. Take me back to a better time…

In the silent, middle-of-the-conversation lapse moment, I allow myself to look down at Y/N’s mouth. They have a soft smile, left over from whatever we were just talking about, on their face as they sit comfortably in our silence and I suddenly feel total confidence. They’re here, with me, instead of off with that boy toy / girl toy / gender neutral or fluid toy. They’re with me. That must mean that I mean something to them, right? And Ed said they looked at me like… like, they love me. Or ‘care deeply’, as he put it. But we all know that was just his stiff version of the word ‘love’. Ever since Isobel… had her unfortunate accident… he’s been focused on one emotion only and it is not, love.

Anyway, the confidence spreads through me and I smile. It mixes with my perpetual desire to kiss them, and goddamnit, I should do it. I should just lean over and press a gentle kiss on their mouth- if they aren’t interested or pull away, I can blame it on the wine between us. If not…

Butterflies erupt in my stomach and my chest, and I’ve just lean an inch forward… when their phone rings on the table and I see (Boyfriends Name) flash on the screen.

I rush to lean completely back in my chair, as they answer. I don’t like to believe fate has anything to do with Gotham, but… that was entirely too close.

My eyes snap open and I roll my shoulders back, inhaling another, bigger slug of the contents of the flask and feel even angrier.

That was, most certainly not a better time, you nitwit.

Slenderman:

Bet she got on her dress now, welcoming the guests now

I could try to find her, get it off of my chest now But I ain't gonna mess it up, so I'll wish her the best now

I’ve been sitting in the back of this church, a place I likely shouldn’t ever enter in the first place -Well, at least I’m not Offender. I would probably burn to death, in that scenario, - for over 2 hours and I only got to see Y/N for 45 and a half minutes of that time.

Not that that really matters. Its more important that they see me. I certainly don’t want to see them. I don’t wish to see them, or their wedding clothes, or their wedding guests, or the stupid moony smiles on their faces, or the cake, or their partner. Definitely not their partner. If they show their face before they absolutely have to, or worse, talk to me, I will promptly go home and kill 30 people. I don’t want to be here.

I shouldn’t be here, in fact. If I were a good man, I wouldn’t be here. A good man would never turn up to a wedding that he know’s he’s just going to sit back in and think unholy, too-fond and too-angry thoughts about one of the marriage participants. Marriage is supposedly a sacred thing, and if I were this good man that I’m thinking about, I wouldn’t urinate on it like this.

But I am not a good man.

So, really, what would I know about what a good man, would do in the first place?

Enough thinking about good men, it’s making me queasy and very uncomfortable.

I don’t look around, but I can infer with general certainty, that Y/N will be welcoming all her other guests now that I ‘allowed’ -Not that I could have stopped them. They just didn’t want to leave me in my own company,- them to let me be alone here. And they’re in their wedding clothes, which look lovely on them, and their smiling and their giddy.

Giddy. Ugh, I hate that word, especially in this sense. Defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary as ‘feeling silly, happy, and excited and showing this in your behaviour’. And by the Oxford, to ‘Make (Someone) feel excited to the point of disorientation.’. Yes, I looked up these definitions and memorised them before I came, and loathe every single word, in that order.

Because apparently, as if it wasn’t already obvious by the very fact that I’m HERE, I hate myself.

This other person has made Y/N giddy, while I have to sit here and pretend, I’m happy for them both and that I don’t feel like vomiting for the first time in 5 centuries.

But I can’t do anything about it, because I love them, Y/N, and I will… I will not, allow myself to be the reason their wedding wasn’t perfect. So, I wish them the best.

Or I try my damn hardest to.

The Clown / Jeffry Hawk / Kenneth Chase:

So I'm in my black suit, black tie, hiding out in the back Doing a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees Yeah, she wanna get married Yeah, she gonna get married But she ain't gonna marry me

I don’t know if I’d call this a real wedding. For one, its in the entities realm so how ‘magical’ could it really be? And for another reason, the only white thing here is my grease paint. Its pretty laughable. I would laugh, in fact, if I didn’t know it would cause a coughing fit and bring attention to me as Y/N walks down the aisle- O don’t need them looking at me. I might accidentally blurt out an ‘oopsie’ or something not-at-all funny like that, with all the whiskey I’ve injected today. Not that that would be the biggest issue with these kids seeing that I’m here, in the first place. Only Y/N knows, I’m hiding by a tree.  

But, I digress I guess. They’re calling it a wedding. The big one with the beard is officiating -I guess he has an online certificate from before he was brought here,- , Y/N’s wearing a pit of plastic bag on their head like a make shift veil / bit of plastic bag fashioned sort of like a tie, and all the lovely little fingers, or survivors as they like to call themselves, watch. With silly gleaming smiles and hope in their eyes- Pft, suckers.

Honestly the idea of weddings in the first place make me a bit uncomfortable. All those wide eyes watching and perving on your happiness?? Seems pretty creepy to me, and I’ve been told I’m pretty creepy myself! So, I would know!

The fact that possibly the sweetest, perfect person I’ve ever had the pleasure of setting my gaze upon is the one getting married, has absolutely no stake on my take on weddings in this moment.

Absolutely not…

Aha… hahahaha…

I kill myself.

I kill them, too, but let’s put that on the backburner like their fingers, for now.

Let me wallow in self-pity for a while longer before we start making jokes.

Yeah, let me… I take a swig of my flask -a bee-oootiful concoction of all the most toxic hootch I have in my collection, and maybe also some actual poison maybe since I wasn’t paying much attention when I created it this morning and I keep it all in relatively the same place, - and savour the horrible flavour on my tongue. Let me wallow, for a little bit.

This is going to be a bad day, for these little fuckers when I get into the game.

[creativeskullcreations]

Outside chapter 16: Therapy Sessions

And thus, we return to Outside! Starting with this brief interlude like chapter from someone completely new!

Update schedule is gonna be once every two weeks on Monday, just like before. As for Happy Times, that's gonna be on the back burner for a while so I can get this done, but I'll try and pop out another episode at some point.

So enjoy for now, and see ya;ll again later! :D

The puppet laid on the couch, flopped over like a discarded toy, eyes staring unblinking into space. If she didn't already know better, Trina would have assumed it was something one of her patients had left behind .

It, or rather she, wasn't a forgotten toy, however. She was her new patient, and, according to what another patient, Stacy, had told her, she had trust issues. But, she could work with that. And by that, she meant do paperwork until Scout was ready to talk.

Unfortunately, it seemed like that was taking a while. Before she knew it the whole hour had passed and the alarm had gone off. When Trina looked up from turning it off, the Puppet was gone, and the door was open. Ah well. She supposed she should prepare for her next patient, then.

------

Once again, Scout was laying on the couch. A different position this time, and staring in a different direction. Trina resigned herself to more paperwork again, like the last few visits. Though she felt like they were making some progress. Sometimes she looked up and Scout was in a different position, or she was in the middle of blinking.

In her mind, that was a good thing. It meant the Puppet was starting to get comfortable with her. Maybe soon, she'd actually start talking.

------

"Did you know Hosts can bleed without getting hurt?"

The question startled Trina, and she fumbled the pen onto her crossword book. "Excuse me?!"

"Yeah they do it naturally into the toilet! And into these weird giant soft band-aids that Stacy didn't want me to mess with." Scout reached down her shirt and pulled out a bright orange square. "Jokes on her, I took one anyways."

"Ah." It made sense, actually, that Scout would have no knowledge of the menstrual cycle. "And... did Stacy explain what they were for?"

"Nope! She just yelled a lot, and turned really red." She pulled the tape holding the wrapper closed off, then stuck it to the couch. "I asked Will why she wouldn't tell me, and he said it's because Stacy's a prude. And then she yelled at him."

"Did Will explain it to you?"

"No. Because he's also a prude. Stacy said so." There was a loud tearing sound as she slowly pulled the backing off of the pad, and Trina realized why Stacy had kicked her out of the bathroom. She also made a note to never let Scout into her bathroom.

And so, Trina spent the remaining forty-five minutes giving a sex-ed lesson to a living hand puppet. Not the weirdest session she'd ever had, of course, but it was certainly up there.

She just wished Scout hadn't stuck the pad to her keyboard.

------

The next few sessions were spent answering whatever questions Scout had that for whatever reason, she couldn't ask Stacy. Whether it was about biology("But why is it brown?"), a question about porn("I just don't see the appeal of watching Hosts fucking."), or about movies("He was the best character! Why the fuck would they kill the best character!"). Most of the time, Trina would google it with her. But sometimes she would ask why she couldn't ask Stacy. Usually she'd get one of what felt like stock answers, but occasionally she'd go really quiet and only say:

"I just wanted to know what you thought about it. That's all."

And Trina would, outwardly, accept that. But she always made note of which questions were related to that answer to try and understand her better. She also started on a timeline, to try and get the two into a session together. It probably wouldn't happen soon, she wanted to try and get Scout talking about herself first. But once she'd made some progress there, they could try a joint session.

------

It took another several weeks before Scout told her anything about herself. Although it wasn't what she expected.

"And then he gave me ice cream! And I ate it, because it was solid and delicious! But it fucking melts! And it's fucking gross!" She was raging, but in a way that almost made her look adorable. Not that Trina would tell her so, of course.

"And, why is it so bad that it melts?"

"Because it soaks in! Duh!" She looked thoroughly annoyed, and Trina felt a little bad for asking.

"What happened next?" She asked instead.

"Stacy and Will yelled at each other a lot, and then Stacy went to sleep on the couch. And then the next morning they locked themselves in the bedroom and wouldn't let me in while they made weird noises."

"Ah." Stacy had told her about that. It wasn't always the healthiest thing she could do, but Stacy genuinely thought it helped so Trina wasn't able to do much to dissuade her. "Did they come out at some point during the day?"

"Yeah, eventually! But it was boring as hell until then." A pause. "They banned me from Netflix, too, cause Stacy said what I was watching was a bad influence on me."

"Well that's too bad." She kept her tone sympathetic. "What else do you do during the day?"

"Watch TV."

"Besides that."

"Oh." Scout sat up, thinking. "Nothing- Well, I do hang out with Stacy a lot."

"Hmmm." Trina wrote that down in her notes. "Have you tried to find something other than TV? A hobby of some sort, or even a game to play?"

"I do play this game called Kirby sometimes." She admitted. "It's... kinda fun."

"Have you beaten it yet?"

"I mean... no..." She looked away, playing with the edge of her shirt.

"Maybe you should try and do that. Could be more fun than just watching Netflix all day." She kept her voice upbeat, and tried to figure out something else the Puppet could do besides TV.

"Maybe..." She looked around the room, eyes never stopping on one spot for too long.   Trina waited patiently, pen tapping lightly against her notebook. "... Something happened last night. Something... kinda bad."

"Oh?"

Scout nodded. "Sometimes, when Stacy wakes up and doesn't know where I am, she'll... take over my body. Not to do bad stuff though!" She was quick to assure when she Trina's face. "It's just to, y'know, see where I am. She gets worried when she can't find me."

Stacy had mentioned that. Apparently she now brought Scout everywhere with her, including to her programming job. "What made last night so different then."

"Well, normally I just sort of... float? I guess? When she does that. But, last night, I... woke up in her body."

Trina blinked. "Well, I suppose it makes sense that would happen-"

"No it fucking doesn't!" Scout shouted, cutting her off. "It's a bad thing! Very fucking bad!"

"Well, why do you say that?"

"Because it means that our fucked up link is evolving!" Scout told her in a 'duh' tone of voice. "Who knows how it could change from here!"

"Is it possible that you've always been able to do that, but just never did before now?" Trina asked.

That gave her pause, and seemed to calm her down a bit. "... I don't know. Maybe." She shrugged. "I... never really wanted to try before..."

Trina nodded, adding another note to her paper. "What happened next after you... woke up in Stacy's body."

"Well, we both flipped our shit, which woke Will up and then he flipped his shit. And then he and Stacy yelled for a while before he left and we managed to, uh, swap back." Scout scratched the side of her head, thinking. "And then Will came back with something, and he and Stacy fought some more."

"What did they fight about?"

"The thing Will brought back. It's some sort of a toy, like a psychic test." She scowled. "He made us sit there and do it, right then."

"The Waygetter one?" At Scout's confused look, she waved the question away. "Never mind. What were the results?"

------

"100 percent psychically linked." Stacy said, arms folded and stoic look on her face. "Not that I didn't already suspect, but I'd prefer a real test to a Waygetter "toy"."

"Of course you would, considering your past." Trina said, jotting down notes. "Did anything happen after that?"

The young woman shrugged. "Not a lot, mostly just went back to bed. I thought about banishing Will to the couch for his betrayal, but decided against it."

"Good." She nodded. "Banishing him over something so small, and when he was just trying to help, could lead to resentment building up later on."

"Yeah yeah." She kept her arms crossed, eyes trained on the floor. "Scout was pretty upset about it, though. But she's upset about a lot of stuff cause she feels guilty."

"Really now?" Trina jotted that down. "How do you know about that?"

"Psychic link." Stacy raised a single eyebrow. "Duh."

Trina sighed. "Has anything else happened lately? Made any friends at your job?"

"Not really." She shrugged. "This one woman, Chell, talks to me sometimes. She knows sign language, which is kinda cool I guess. But, I wouldn't say we're friends."

"Maybe you should focus on making friends with her. It seems like you two already have something in common already."

"Mm." Stacy looked away, tapping the fingers of her prosthetic against her flesh arm. It was pretty scary to look at, but it didn't stop her from wearing a spaghetti strap, leaving the limb on full display. Trina had also taken note of that, attributing it more to the woman's anti-social behavior than confidence or a strong body image.

"You can't rely on Will's friends forever, Stacy." She told her. "You need a life outside of him. It's not healthy to center everything around him."

"Easy not to lose everything if you don't have anything." She retorted. "I have Will, and I have Scout. They're all I need for now."

"What about your brother?" She looked away. "Or your father? Have you talked to either of them recently?" Silence was the answer, and Trina only sighed, used to it by now. "Your homework this week is to call your family for once. You need to repair your connections to them."

"I need to convince Scout to drop her guilt."

"That's my job." Trina gave a small smile that went ignored. "I'm serious about talking to your family though. Especially if you plan on getting into more... situations like this one. How would Danny feel if you died, and nobody would tell him anything about it?"

Stacy shrugged, and Trina sighed again. "Call your father. Text your brother. Make a new friend. Do one of these three things before our next appointment, okay?" She ordered as the timer dinged, signalling the end.

"Fine." The woman ground out, standing up and straightening her top. She accepted the offered prescription, then left the room. She stopped just briefly to grab her bag from Molly, the receptionist, and then went out to her truck. Scout popped out of the bag as she exited the building, and Trina sighed as she watched them.

They truly were an odd pair, and Trina hoped things worked out for them. She certainly couldn't imagine it could get any worse, anyways.

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 3]

Birds Of a Feather

(In the previous chapters: after a wild match of a new game called I Have a Ball, the gang can finally start the party; among the guests there are Chris and Matt of Soundgarden, Layne and his girlfriend Demri and a couple of Mudhoney guys; to avoid an embarrassing situation, Sara suggests a game of Never Have I Ever which, despite Stone’s objection, is endorsed by several guests: now they can finally get to the heart of the party)

At this point the guests had basically split in three groups: some of them were stuffing their faces in the kitchen, others were dancing and listening to the music and some were taking their seats in a circle in the middle of the living room to play the game. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” whined Stone as he sat down on the carpet “What did you plan for midnight? Musical chairs or broom dance?” “Stop complaining Gossard, nobody forces you to play if you don’t want to!” Cornell retorted to him and then went on “And actually I planned something great for midnight… you’ll see” “Should we be scared?” Layla wondered aloud as she noticed the devilish grin on Chris’s face. “Not much more than usual” Mike shrugged as he sat on the couch between her and Lukin. “Anyway, there’s no children games or grown up games: a game is a game, then it depends on how you play it” the girl explained then turned around immediately when she heard someone beside her open his mouth. “Yeeeah, and it depends on how much play you get” Elias spoke like he came out of thin air. “Elias?? Where have you been?” “When you grow up, I’ll tell you all about it, my darling one” the guy gave her a blatant wink “Let’s just say that it involved physical activity with a blonde bombshell…” “I didn’t know that indoor plants could be blondes...” “What do you mean, Mr. Cameron?” “I mean that, apparently, you have a thing for ficus plants and you also find ‘em incredibly blonde; I saw you sprawled between them half an hour ago, but I never took you for a-fuck, what’s the name?” “... Dendrophiliac?”  “Yes, exactly! Thanks, Layla, you’re an angel” the drummer flashed at Layla one of his sunny grins, while Elias began to whine. “Matt, what a low blow! I expected that from everybody in this room – except you and Ed, and look where my admiration for you has led me!” “... What kind of hippie freak are you, O’Reilly? Hell, going at it with a vegetable?! And it wasn’t even a carrot or a pickle, what is your damag-” Jeff had looked at him all perplexed, but he was fortunately interrupted by loud coughs made by Layla. “Soooo, everybody here knows the rules?” the girl asked, but was met by skeptical looks “Jeez, what kind of adolescence did y’all have?” “One that didn’t include fun, apparently” Elias shrugged, still licking his wounds after his previous skirmish with Matt. “Ok, I get it: first of all, grab the poison of your choice” and, as she said it, she filled herself a glass of tequila that had been previously hoarded in the middle of the circle with many other kinds of booze. Soon after Sara had shrugged and grabbed a bottle of beer, while Demri helped herself to a glass of sangria and then, one by one, everybody followed their example and was having something alcoholic clenched in their hands. “Very good” Layla cleared her throat “One by one, each one of us begins their sentence with ‘Never have I ever’ and then proceeds to say something they have never done; if you did the thing that has just been said, you have to take a sip of your drink” “Milady, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention” Lukin declared, a hand upon his heart. “Now, this is the most important rule, so pay attention: you have to remember that the winners are the ones who have their glasses at their fullest” “... Layla, are you telling us that having a life as interesting as a sloth’s is the key to success?” Cornell scratched his temple, glancing at her in a perplexed way.  “I think she is” “Well, I have a question” Stone, unexpectedly, raised his hand “You talked about glasses, but many of us have chosen bottles, so it would take ‘em more time to empty that instead of a glass, right? Doesn’t that sound like a huge advantage to any of you?” “... he’s right, they have more booze to drink, that’s unfair!” Mike chimed in, pouting and waving his glass of whiskey in the face of everybody. “That’s not what I meant, Cready, lemm-” “But you can always grab another glass after you emptied the first, man! That’s what I’m gonna do” Lukin patted Mike on the shoulder, showing him his own glass of gin, and the guitarist returned to being his usual cheerful self. “Ok, so, who starts?” Layla asked, rolling her eyes. “Well, since you suggested the game in the first place, it’s only fair that you’re the one who goes first” Eddie answered gently. <The fact I’m also eager to know the things you did and didn’t do has got nothing to do with it, of course> “Oh, ok so ne-” the girl was answering but was immediately cut off by Stone. “Err-Ed, it was actually Sara who suggested it. Or the mysterious person she heard it from” “Huh? Oh yeah, you’re right, you go first, Sara” the singer admitted and mentally counted how many rounds were there before Layla’s turn. “Yeah, Sara, you can start” Layla winked at her friend and everybody else agreed but someone else chimed in again. “I have an idea. Why don’t we all drink a glass of something and the one who empties it faster starts?” McCready suggested.  “That’s what I call starting with a boom, I’m in, man! So 3… 2… 1-” Lukin immediately went along with him and brought his glass close to his mouth. “Nuh-huh, we’re gonna take it slow, it’s less funny if we all get drunk before the start” Layla innocently explained. “Now that’s not exactly true, miss” Lukin addressed the girl in a contrived way. “Everybody shut up! Sara will begin, end of the story” Stone took over and everybody simply agreed without further questioning. <Haha, I got the power> “Well, well, well” Sara tapped the bottle of beer against her lips “Never have I ever…” she stopped and looked Jeff directly in the eye “... got a love letter” Layla promptly gulped a sip of tequila, leaving Ed lost in his thoughts: he couldn’t believe that the Boston piece of shit could be able to make such a significant gesture. “Mikey, what the fuck are you doin’?” “Taking a sip, obviously” “... who wrote you a love letter? When did that happen?!” “My love life isn’t any concern of yours, Stoney” and, that said, McCready finally drank a bit of his whiskey, then turned to a pouty Lukin “Dude, why that sad face??” “...”  Lukin didn’t open his mouth because he was already near the stage of an alcohol-fueled coma, but Mike perceived his silence as a sign of possible discomfort and shame. “Don’t tell me that nobody ever wrote you a love letter!” he added, shocked “That is outrageous! But you don’t have to cry about it, if you want I’ll write you one” “... Elias, put that glass down; nobody’s gonna believe you” Stone changed his victim, who rolled his eyes but did as he had said. In the middle of all that noise, Demri and Layne shared a glance full of complicity and drank almost at the same time, while Chris and Matt clinked their glasses and unironically did the same. “Nobody specified if it had to be sincere or a bet would suffice as well, so…” Cornell smirked, then looked at Eddie, who hadn’t moved a muscle “Ed, you’re not drinking?” “Yeah, I-I’m usually the one who writes ‘em” the singer let out a nervous chuckle, then turned to the girl who was sitting next to him and that was muttering something under her breath “Everything ok, Sara?” The young woman’s gaze at Jeff was literal lava, ready to boil all over him. “That piece of shit… he doesn’t even have the balls to admit it, fuckin’ unbelievable” she snorted, then added in a loud voice “Somebody in this room is so full of shit it’s not even funny” When Jeff gave her a perplexed glance, she went on: “Yeah, I’m talking about you” “Man, what does she mean with that?” Elias went near the bassist in order to satisfy his curiosity, but the guy just shrugged. “She must have forgotten to take her medicine, you’ll get used to it” Jeff reassured him as he kept eye contact with Sara. <So what? Only because I’m lucky with girls, it doesn’t mean I gotta receive stupid love letters every day… And since when is this any of her business? Is she jealous? She fuckin’ hates me, how can she be jealous? And why does she fucking hate me anyway? Can’t we just have fun without problems for once?> Seeing the vein pulsing on her temple, Eddie put a hand on the girl’s arm: “Don’t mind him, you know how he is” he paused a second, then beamed with enthusiasm “Now it’s my turn!” “Who said that?” Stone asked after gazing from Sara to Jeff during their exchange like the spectator of a tennis match. “Well, we’re following the order…” Eddie explained pointing at Sara sitting next to him, then at himself, then towards Lukin and the other people sitting on the couch. “Who decided it’s counterclockwise?” Mike wondered. “How can you say cun- cou- caunt- county- oh fuck, how can you say that fuckin’ word when drunk?” Lukin tried to make a point. “Sadly not drunk enough, my friend” Mike wiped invisible tears from under his eyes while the bass player patted him on the leg. “Who cares if it’s clockwise or not, let’s go on!” Jeff huffed at Stone and flailed his arms, anxious to go on with the game, mostly to shift the attention on something else. “So – cough, cough! – can I?” Eddie hesitantly demanded. “Yeah, sure!” everybody prompted him to go on. “Ok so… uhm… never have I ever… got back with an ex” he said looking intently at the carpet beneath his feet. Some people drank, some people didn’t. Mike drank from his glass as Layla left hers untouched and gave him a puzzled look.  “Really, Mike?”  “What can I say? The soul is willing but the flesh is weak”  Layla nodded embarrassed and when she looked at Eddie, he looked down again pretending not to be staring at her, now acting preoccupied with his fingernails. <So she didn’t. But she wanted to. Does she still? She would be back with him already if it  wasn’t for the snow. It’s just a matter of time anyway… Shit, I should have asked ‘Never have I ever WANTED to get back with an ex’. I’ll wait for my next round... Will it be too obvious?> “Guess it’s my turn now” Lukin shrugged then stood up from the couch for no reason. “You don’t have to stand up to say the thing, Matt” McCready reminded him but he acted like he didn’t hear him. “Never have I ever… lied to a friend to avoid a greater evil” he stated then plopped back down on the couch with a burp. “Wait... this is a normal question” Jeff frowned as he, like everybody else, was expecting some senseless stuff. “Isn’t it alright?” Lukin asked and was about to stand up again, not without any effort, but Layla promptly pulled him down right away. “It’s alright, Matt, the question is perfect” she said and proceeded to drink from her glass. Steve, who hadn’t drunk in the first two rounds, did the same, just like Sara, Mike and literally everybody else. “Mikey, you basically did everything” Layne joked. <Yeah, finally something I actually did for real> the guitarist pondered and smiled. “Well, once I said I had troubles at home with my family and couldn’t make it to rehearsal. But I actually went to a party and got shitfaced” “YOU DID WHAT?” Stone and Jeff attacked him almost at the same time while the others just laughed. “You liar! And I was even worried about you” Stone shook his head. “You were worried only because you had paid to book the practising space in advance!” the other guitarist retorted, sticking his tongue out at him. “Do it again and I’ll bust your head wide open” Ament threatened pointing his finger at him. “You’re one to talk! Did you forget when you came late to soundcheck at the Off Ramp and said it was because of a jammed brake pad in your truck you had to check?” Mikey ironically asked “But what you actually had to check out was instead that girl from 7-Eleven?”  “YOU WHAT? GUYS, I’M SERIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED” Stone folded his arms and gave them both a scolding look. “Well yeah, I can understand Mike, but I thought you were more focused on art, honestly” Eddie chimed in with a shitty grin on his face. “Huh, not you too, please!” “What does it mean you can understand me? I’m focused on my art too” the guitarist acted offended “Sometimes you just need a break, you know?” “Come on, give Jeff a break! And you’re right Mike, don’t listen to them! It’s your turn now” Layla tried to bring peace in the gang and asked him to go on with the game. “Thank you, Four Eyes! It’s your turn, Judas” Jeff looked up at the girl, then stared at Mike with narrowed eyes. “Ok, so… uhm… never have I ever flown on a dragon” he said as he brought up his glass as if he was making a toast.  “Hahaha, shut up! That’s not valid, man” Elias blurted out laughing at the guitarist’s face, just like anybody else in the circle. “Why not? You shut up” “Err, Mikey, actually… I think Elias is right in this particular circumstance: you can’t make unreal statements” Layla scratched her head and tried to convince him without irritating him. “Oh sorry, Miss Boulais, I didn’t know this rule. I’ll come up with something else” McCready reassured her and Layla sighed with relief “Never have I ever… been to Mongolia” Everybody giggled and Layla facepalmed. Of course nobody drank. “Mike, the aim of the game is not drinking, you know that, right?” Layla whispered into his ear. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my strategy!” he winked at her and then asked the group before taking the umpteenth sip “So? Nobody? Ok, looks like I gotta drink then” “You seem to ignore other rules too though, did you know that?” Lukin broke the silence right when Layla was thinking about her statement. “Which rules?”  “Once you said your Never have I ever, you can’t actually change it… unless you take a penalty” Matt went on to explain and for a moment Eddie detached from the situation and observed the scene as an external spectator. <Two drunk grown men debating about the rules of Never have I ever, and it’s not even midnight> “He had to change it because it wasn’t valid, not because he wanted to change it himself” Chris pointed out. “Right, Chris, thank you! I love you man, did I ever tell you? Oh, and what was this penalty supposed to be anyway?” “Easy. You had to drink all player’s cups. But since you didn’t want to change it yourself…” Lukin shrugged and Mike suddenly sat straight up on the couch. “OH, BUT I WANTED TO!” “Haha, but you just said-” Layne chuckled at him while Demri muttered to herself she was expecting this comeback. “FORGET WHAT I SAID” “But Chris just said-” Cameron wanted to join in the fun too. “FORGET WHAT HE SAID, FUCK CHRIS, OK??”  “And he said he loved me!” Chris pretended to cry on his drummer’s shoulder and Matt patted his head. “Stop being an animal, Cready, and let Layla speak. It’s her turn” Gossard reproached him and Mike sulked like a child. “Ok so… mmm…” Layla collected her thoughts and then spoke in one single breath “Never have I ever led anyone to believe I liked them whereas I actually had a crush on their best friend and so was just leading this person on to get to their friend”  “This is… very specific, El” Sara squinted at her, trying to understand what her friend was up to. “It’s just an average game question” Layla shrugged but didn’t convince the other girl. <She’s a worse liar than Mike> Only Stone and Jeff drank, therefore getting a reproach from Layla herself. Ed didn’t drink and this was a sort of answer to Layla’s little suspects about him and her roommate. She smiled at him but was almost more shocked about someone else not drinking. “... Mike?” “Yes, babe?” “You didn’t drink” “Sure I didn’t. I’d never be such a jerk to a woman!” he replied with a disgusted face making everybody laugh, whereas Layla beamed and kissed him on the cheek. “Your kindness is stronger than your thirst, I’m impressed” “My turn now!” Elias yelled and everyone focused on him “Never have I ever… thought a friend’s mom, ehm, a friend’s parent was hot”  “Wow, a dirty question, who would have thought!” Sara rolled her eyes but also drank soon after.  “What??” her roommate was sincerely surprised.  “Well, that was really unexpected… color me impressed!” Steve grinned at her, raising his glass high in her honor. “Some dads are really something else, you can’t deny that” Sara justified herself and high fived Demri, who had just taken a sip as well “Let’s just say that this particular man made me re-evaluate the role of hideous Speedo swimsuits in society” “Amen, sister” Demri let out a loud cheer and patted her on the shoulder. “Are you really drinking?” Cameron gave Cornell a weird look. “Don’t you remember the story about Kevin’s mom?” the singer clarified. “Haha right, I forgot”  Mike drank but nobody was surprised. “Oh for fuck’s sake, Jeffrey!” Stone reacted sadly at Ament drinking from his cup. “You’re such a bigot” the bass player grinned broadly. “I’ll never let you anywhere near my house and my mother again”  “It’s not your mom that I find hot, don’t worry” Jeff tried to reassure him but got an unexpected reaction. “Why? What’s wrong with my mom?” “N-nothing, it’s just-”  “So you think my mom is ugly?”  “Not at all, Mary Carolyn is such a nice woman”  “Oh, so now you’re on a first name basis! Do you think you have a connection or something?” “No, you just said that-” “Keep your dirty hands off my mother!” “You’re all making it up. I only meant that-” “Jeff, you’re stuck in a vicious circle. The only way out is to drop the subject and make your Never have I ever statement, since it’s your turn. Trust me” Steve gave precious advice to Jeff, who nodded and focused on what to say.  “Never have I ever burnt bridges with somebody without any reason and without giving them the chance to explain themselves” “... Damn, Ames, you take no prisoners” Chris let out a low whistle, and the bassist shrugged, waiting for the inevitable glasses raised, but they never came. “Fancini, you ain’t thirsty?” he raised an eyebrow and received a middle finger as a reply. <Yeah, there was absolutely no fuckin’ need to hear ya explaining why the fuck you acted like an utter piece of shit – the reasons were all there, so you can put this bottle up your ass!> the girl thought, trying to ignore him. “Seems like nobody’s gonna drink this round, so… BOTTOMS UP!” Layne clapped his hands while Jeff stood up and emptied his cup. “I swear I wanted to say the exact same thing, I had it on the tip of my tongue!” Mike whined – he hadn’t taken a sip because he hadn’t totally understood what the hell his bandmate had said, but if that question had allowed him to gulp down his drink, then he was sure that it had to be something brilliant. “Well… seems like it’s your turn, Stoney!” Layla chirped, a bit in high spirits but with her hands steady, now intent on refilling Ament’s glass.  “Never have I ever avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier, so I regretted not doing anything about it before” Stone laid it out as simple as that without losing the smirk on his face, looking left and right at the bunch of friends. <That was pretty easy…> Gossard thought <This is not a New Year’s party, it’s a reunion of the Unfinished Business Club... Well, am I the one to talk?> When Stone and Layla made eye contact, the girl thought the question was directed right at her. Everybody knew about her ex boyfriend by now. What they didn’t know was that their relationship was over before the “Eddiegate” and way before she put an actual end to that. She’d always been aware that things weren’t good, that she was just too attached and insecure to let him go. <I chose an allegedly perfect boyfriend who was never actually there over dealing with actual people and the whole process of getting to know each other. I was so scared, and still am, that I’d rather not risk it and preferred a relationship that didn’t make sense anymore> At the same time Layla instinctively looked at her left towards Eddie and stole a quick glance of him knitting his eyebrows as if he was pondering something. He didn’t seem someone who would avoid obstacles to her, she couldn’t imagine him running away from problems, she liked him for being honest and straightforward. <Yeah, I do like him> she said as she figured out she had two reasons to drink and took a sip from her cup. As Stone spoke, for some reason Eddie’s mind immediately went to the mixtape he had sent over to them a few months earlier. All his feelings about his family, his mom, his dad, his stepdad, everything he had kept bottled up for so long and suddenly came out all at once. At times he thought it was too bad or too late, some other times he even believed there was still hope for him. It was always either black or white for him, nothing in between. And he started to think that maybe if he had addressed his issues before, his life wouldn’t be the rollercoaster of emotions it was.  <Thinking about roller coasters…> he said to himself as he looked towards the right and saw Layla drinking. Eddie saw the situation very clear for a minute. How could he blame her for trying to get in touch with her boyfriend again, when he did absolutely nothing about her in the meantime? He had never told her anything or asked her out, except for the failed attempt to go to the movies with her alone. Was it too late for that too or was there any hope left? In doubt, he drank from his glass too. Next to Stone, Jeff had let out a huge sigh and rolled his eyes: leave it to his best friend to pour some lemon and salt over the wound, then worsen the situation by twisting a rusted knife inside of it and letting it fester. He suddenly felt a great wave of fatigue washing all over him, and pinched the bridge of his nose because he had the feeling that a headache was behind the corner; it didn’t matter how many miles he had tried to put between himself and the first half of that particular year they were about to say goodbye to: the past had its ways to come back and bite you in the ass, and his nights spent by mulling over years and years of regrets and lost chances could prove it. Just thinking about Andy was still able to give him nausea, because his mind inevitably drifted to the last time he had seen him – hooked up to the machines, an unrecognizable empty shell where once had stood a bright young man, full of hopes and dreams bigger than his own life. Andy’s addiction had always been the notorious elephant in the room: everybody knew it was there, but nobody acknowledged its existence. They had tried to make him understand how serious his situation was – how jeopardizing it would have been for their careers – and, for a while, it had seemed to work: he had been sober for a few months and was positive about their future, confident about their imminent success. In the morning of that goddamn day he was supposed to go to the gym with him, but instead had called him to say that he didn’t feel good; his voice had been kinda scratchy, but Jeff had thought nothing of it – he was sick and didn’t need a nanny around, the day after he would have been good as new, that’s what he had told himself… that’s also what he had repeated to himself when he had stepped inside the hospital that same evening, cursing himself because he should have understood that something was wrong in his voice and it hadn’t been the sickness talking, but the heroin. He had also cursed Andy for throwing their jobs out the window, then cursed again himself for being a shitty human being who in that moment could only think of financial stability and not the fact that his friend wasn’t there anymore and that the lifeless corpse lying on the bed was a reminder of how nobody – not even the brightest fellows – in the end can save themselves. Now his thoughts drifted to the last New Year’s Eve party he had attended, where Andy had been gushing nonstop over The Miracle by Queen: he had been sober for a while and his eyes were literally sparkling while he talked about the English band’s latest single and eponymous album. Nobody could compete with the level of enthusiasm that Andy always showed when he talked about Queen – nobody, except maybe one person. Jeff raised his head and looked in front of him, where a pale-faced Sara was sitting with her legs crossed: even from his place he could see how in this moment her dark lipstick and metallic eyeshadow stood out on her face. <Avoided to face something important until the problems became bigger and uglier… regretted not doing anything about it before…> Stone had been a direct witness of how messed up he had become five years before, when he had spent a whole week being dead worried and then it had only taken Sara a few minutes to make his world crumble around him, but he didn’t think his friend would be capable of using that piece of information to gain some advantage in a stupid game… right? Unless Stone had suddenly developed some serious telepathic skills, it would have been simply impossible: after all, it was a conclusion he had come to just in the last few weeks, so the deliberate jab at him had to be ruled out. After more than five years, Jeff had finally convinced himself that yes, that infamous day he could have indeed done something more; he could have persisted, insisted to talk to her and demanded some explanations after she had told him to leave her alone forever because, apparently, he had ruined her life and there was nothing he could do to fix it. She had clearly been in distress and he had obviously noticed it but, foolish as he was, he had preferred to indulge her instead of pushing the subject further on and trying to understand how he could help her. Sara had always been a reserved person – one could say that she resembled a vault – but maybe, with the right words and intentions, he would have been able to breach her notorious armor of stubbornness and pride, and she wouldn’t have disappeared for so many years, or at least they wouldn’t have been in those horrible terms. Maybe. He let out a sigh and drank from his glass and, in that exact moment, the girl fixed her gaze on him and noticed that he was already staring at her; she wrinkled her nose and turned her face away, as to avoid his inquisitive gaze: the last thing she needed was someone trying to understand what was going on in her mind. <Fuckin’ Gossrad and his disturbed competitiveness…> He was referring to that goddamn July of 1985, she was sure of it; he hadn’t been there when the outburst had taken place but he surely had comforted Jeff after it: that’s how those two rolled, talking shit about each other but always rushing to the aid of the other one whenever something – someone – terrible had happened to him. And that’s what she had been for Jeff: something terrible – something terribly weird, irritating, plain stupid like only a teenager can be; something to laugh about with his friends, to parade around like a shitty trophy, to forget as soon as the game had ceased to be funny, along with his old fake-ass personality and behavior, and never again to be talked about. It didn’t matter if her heart clenched whenever he laughed because he still got wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, like he used to do… she had to bury that annoying buzz deeper, alongside their old selves – fake or not – that they had so meticulously killed.  No laughter or smile could carry the same meaning of five years before. She couldn’t be fooled: she was the first one whose eyes couldn’t smile anymore, no matter how broad the grins she displayed were. She also couldn’t care less if anybody – her aunt Liliana, Leo, even Eddie – told her that she needed help, that she couldn’t go on like this, always internalizing, always stifling what she really felt, always thinking she had to face everything on her own… they could keep on babbling, she was still the one who in the end got to make the decisions. <Ok, my whole life has been a perpetual avoidance of every fuckin’ problem until it has all become a majestic mess, and there isn’t a single day that passes without me thinking I could have done something better with my life… so what? Does this give everybody the right to tell me how I should or should not live? Don’t think so> The girl finally ended her internal monologue with a scoff and emptied her glass, without the slightest intention of making eye contact with anybody. 

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 7/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry in advance, but this chapter is kinda short. But we do get more conflict, more drama. 3 more chapters! Who's pumped? No one.

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: Brief blood mentions.

2020

Remember how I said I was on a journey towards happiness? In the beautiful world of Brianna Caldwell, life said, "Nah."

The next day, it was apparent that things were only getting worse.

"Ed Sheeran is still on board," Joey stated matter-of-factly. He crossed his arms, the safety visor making a rustling sound as he did so.

He was joined by Nina, Alex, and Michael. A few of the lab team were at their desks, trying to ignore the current confrontation, including Jujubee.

She looked as if she wasn't paying attention to the ordeal, but I knew Jujubee like the back of my hand, and she was listening. I couldn't help but want her to speak up and help me out here. But she hadn't spoken to me since the day before.

"Yeah, he is." I put my hands on my hips, standing at the front of the lab, while Joey and his friends sat there and looked up at me.

"Why, though?" Joey continued to question.

"God, we already had this discussion," I spoke quietly, looking to the side for some sort of distraction.

"Yeah, but you said you'd figure something out." Nina input.

"Yeah, you did." Alex joined in. I glanced at Jujubee in the hopes she'd join the conversation. Her eyes remained on the chemical she was working with.

"Why did you choose him in the first place? Why not…" Michael paused, deciding to join the argument, "Bill Nye...or someone who actually has an interest in Space and Science."

"Yeah, for real. Like, you do realise that in years to come, when kids read about 'Neil Armstrong - the first man on the moon, they're gonna flip the page and see 'Ed Sheeran, confirmed the first man to enter another dimension.'" Alex added.

"Like, how do you even explain Ed Sheeran as a choice?" Nina held a hand out in questioning.

I finally found a crack and slipped back into the conversation, "Because your project manager is a disaster when she's drunk and makes stupid choices without even thinking."

"We know, Brie. You were drunk." Joey rolled his eyes like he was tired of hearing the same story.

"Maybe you should stop drinking." Alex squinted his eyes.

"Yeah, we don't wanna go there, but maybe this is a problem," Michael added to the point.

My eyes were becoming wider with every word they were saying. This was absolutely ridiculous. Again, I was hoping Jujubee would argue back, but she remained silent.

Nina, however, was the one to interject, "Jesus, guys. You're taking it a bit too far." She stood up and gathered her lab coat, "Look, we all do dumb shit when we're drunk. She's not a mess, OK?"

Joey laughed. I held back from calling him out for the time that I caught him hiding in the closet playing Candy Crush for an hour.

"Well, even so, she should take this into consideration," Alex suggested.

"And do what?" I unfolded my arms and held them out by my side, "call him and say 'JK, Ed. It was just a joke, Ed.'"

"Girl, you're the one who got us into this mess. You figure it out." Alex raised his voice. How very fair of him. I was the one who had to deal with this problem, yet they were the only ones who seemed to care.

"Mess is a bit of a harsh term." Nina pointed out.

"Exactly, there is no mess here. Juju and I have already figured this out," my gaze shifted towards her again, hoping the mention of her name would cause a reaction. Nothing, "So I'd appreciate it if I could stop getting all this flack. I don't need flack from you," I pointed at Joey, "I don't need flack from you," next, at Alex, "or you," then Michael, and I moved my finger in Nina's direction, "or...Jesus Christ, you're having a nose bleed."

Nina's hand flew straight up to her nose, pulling away and examining the red liquid. "Oh, my Lord!"

She tried wiping it. But more blood poured out like a faucet that had been slowly turned on.

"Can you just...get out of here and get that cleaned up?" It sounded bitchy. But I was panicking. I never did well with blood. Therefore I looked away and hid my face.

"Thanks for helping, boss." Joey practically snarled, handing Nina a bunch of tissues. Like hungry wolves following the scent of the blood, the 3 men followed her out of the room, Joey still scorning at me as he left.

It was just me and the other scientists left in the room.

I turned and moved to one of the counters, picking up screws and bolts as if I was actually interested in them. But I couldn't ignore the presence of my best friend.

Hearing shuffling, I turned. She was standing up and gathering her things.

"Juju." I approached her.

She only quickened the packing up process.

Reaching her bench, she was already turned in the direction of the door, "Juju, are you just gonna ignore me all day?"

Finally, she looked at me, adjusting her bag strap, "There's nothing to say."

"Oh really? Well, you can decide to drop me as a friend, but you're still working for me, so we need to communicate."

"OK," Jujubee shrugged, "Well, what do you need to discuss with me that's work-related?"

She got me there. Licking my lips, I breathed out with a quick sigh. "OK, look, last night, we didn't end on a good note. I'm not saying I was wrong, and neither were you. Can you just please set that aside and talk to me?"

She squinted her eyes. "So, I'm supposed to just let the problem keep building?"

"Juju!" I briefly raised my voice, a few of the other scientists glanced in our direction. Jujubee looked uneasy now. So I lowered my tone again. "OK. I'm just gonna say it. I fucked up. I fucking...wrote her a creepy message, and I don't know what to do, and I have no one to talk to about it."

She let out a sarcastic laugh, "You're still looking to use me as your therapist. You learned nothing from what I said, Brianna."

I was silent, incapable of speaking anything else.

She looked away to the ground, "This is taking up my lunchtime."

And with that, she moved to the door, the sound of her heels like a clock ticking down.

"Juju, what can I do?" I held my hands out by my sides. "How am I going to make you satisfied?"

With a hand opening the door, she was frozen for a moment. I thought she would have walked on and ignored me. But she looked over her shoulder and said, "When you realise she's not the one who cares about you."

She left the room, pulling the door closed. The noise caused me to flinch.

I turned around her words in my head.

Two of the scientists were whispering, one glancing at me. I felt my chest become tight. "Hey. This isn't a social gathering. Get back to work."

Despite their astonishment, they moved away from each other anyway.

I instantly felt like a bitch. Technically yeah, it was my job to keep everyone working. But I rarely raised my voice.

I left the room, seeking peace and quiet.

Sitting in my chair, I held my hands in my head, staring at the redwood desk. Moments like these should have felt like a luxury, just sitting there, relaxing. But my mind was racing with too many thoughts.

I had no idea what I could do to make amends with Jujubee. But I could try and sort this Ed Sheeran problem.

Loading up my emails, I opened the thread with Ed Sheeran (which was actually only 3 messages and most likely with his manager).

I hit reply and started typing.

'Listen, Ed. There's been an issue…'

No.

'Dear Mr Ed Sheeran, we regret to inform you…'

'Hello, Ed. It's Brianna from…'

'Ed, big fan of the work, but…'

I squeezed my eyes shut, already feeling exhausted, like each press of the backspace button represented a loss of a brain cell.

For all the achievements I had earned throughout the years, for all the accomplishments, why the fuck was this so damn hard?

The telephone rang, causing me to jolt. A sigh left my lips as I tried to breathe. Pressing the speaker, I said, "Jackie, what's up?"

Jackie, my receptionist, spoke, "Hey, honey. Your Mom's on line 2."

My hand clenched around my pen, already feeling that familiar sense of dread.

"OK, thank you," I spoke quieter.

I hesitated for a moment before finally clicking line 2.

"Hi, Mom," I uttered.

"Hi, baby." She said quietly. "How are you?"

"Fine." I lied. "Nothing really new here. How about you?"

"All good…" she sighed, then paused briefly, "Actually no. Things aren't good. I...lost my job. The usual, they found someone better. And I've been trying so hard to find a job."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, and on top of that," she sighs again, "Brie, honey, there is no easy way to say this; Piggie's sick."

My breath caught in my throat, but I tried to remain calm. "What's wrong with him?"

"They said it's Lyme disease, Brianna. I...I don't know what's going to happen." Her voice cracked.

"Look, don't worry. I'm gonna send you money right now. It should cover the bills. He'll be - -"

"No, I didn't call you to ask for money." She said quickly, "I was just wondering...I know you're busy and everything…"

Fuck. My eyes squeezed together, hand tightening around the phone.

"But...I would love to see you. It's been nearly a year now." Her tone softened.

And immediately, I wanted to say no. Considering the circumstances, a visit would fuck with my head. Seeing Piggie, my emotional support through teenagehood would crush me.

"You there, baby?" She asked.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I just...I don't want to be alone. What if the medical treatment fails? I'm gonna have no one, Brianna. I don't want that." She pauses again, and my chest tightens, tears filling my eyes. "Brie, baby, please come."

I can hear the pain in her voice. But I can't help but feel that sense of fear, the anxiety.

"Don't leave me alone to deal with this, please. I'm at my lowest. And I don't know if I could do it all by - -"

I hit 'end call'.

I put the phone back and rested my head in my hands.

I knew this was my fault - our strained relationship. I could only see that now, how emotionally unstable I was. That sounds like a joke, right? I just didn't expect it to be this bad.

Nothing was getting better.

-_-_-_-_-_-

2004

I threw my bag in the back seat before climbing in the front. My hair was soaked from the rain. I literally just ran from the school to Mom's car, not even outside for that long, yet so much rain.

I said nothing, only rubbed my hands together to keep warm.

"So, the schools flooded?" Mom asked.

"Yeah."

"The whole school?" She looked past me and to the building, an eyebrow raised. "It doesn't look that bad."

"It's just the shop classes and cafeteria, to be honest." I put my hands between my thighs to make the warming up process happen quicker.

"That's a bit unnecessary to send you all home."

"Yeah, well, I'm not complaining."

Mom fired up the engine, and we were set for home. There was a moment of silence that fell among us. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But when she turned the radio down, I knew we were in for a discussion.

"That's not the only thing the school called me about today." She started.

"Oh?" I looked out the window. I don't know why but I assumed they had finally exposed me for smoking around the back of the building. But it was doubtful as I had stopped during the Summer.

"They're concerned about you, Brie." And so was she, now that I could hear it in her tone. "Your grades have only gotten better the slightest amount."

"Well, I can't just go from a C to an A in a matter of days." I still looked out the window. "And besides, I'm staying behind every other day for extra studying."

"Are you sure you're not just flaking and hanging out with Jujubee instead?" There it was, the accusatory tone.

I looked at her now. "No? And if it makes you feel better, you can call her Mom and ask. How's that sound?" I scoffed, "God, I don't need this. Not like I'm dealing with enough at school anyway."

"Well," she was silent for a moment as if daring herself to speak again, "Not that I'd know, I mean, you don't really open up to me about school."

"Yeah, because there's nothing you can do about it." Was I wrong? What could she do? Barge into the school with a gramophone and yell, 'Stop picking on my daughter!'

"About what?"

I rolled my eyes, "Doesn't matter. I don't wanna talk about it."

I could practically feel the way she held back from rolling her eyes.

"Well, the only other thing I can think of is that you're too focused on all this space stuff." She sounded more irked now. "You need to focus on your future, not all this make-believe crazy conspiracy theory shit."

"Oh, that crazy conspiracy theory shit that my Grandpa enjoyed?" My tone was slowly raising.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm saying your Grandpa didn't make a living sitting around and fantasising about all of this stuff. He knew the difference between having a career and having a dream."

"Well, God, not like my interest hasn't got a thing to do with my future prospects, Mom. No. Who would have thought." The sarcasm was thick in my voice.

"Whatever it is you're striving towards, it sounds more like a dream to me. You need a more stable plan." Mom flicked the indicator quite aggressively.

"Oh my God," I laughed, "That's hilarious. You have no idea what I'm striving towards. You can't even tell me what it is."

"Does it matter??"

"Just shows how much you give a shit about me, right, Mom?"

We pulled up to a red light to Mom's delight because she pulled the handbrake.

"How dare you." She seethed, "How dare you speak to me like that. I have done nothing but give a shit about you all these years. I have been there for you, every nervous breakdown, every time you wanted to cry but wouldn't, every time you needed your Mother the most. I was the best Mother I could be because I know that deep down you were hurting." Her voice cracks. "I know that you struggled for so long, what with your parents and all, but I've done all I can to give you what they couldn't. I held you. I loved you. But now, what I'm getting back is this...attitude. All I did, Brie, was express my concern, and you immediately went on the defence." She paused again before lowering her tone, "And I know you want to hold on to this space stuff, so you don't lose someone else. And I know you're in pain. But is this actually what Grandpa would have wanted??"

We held each other's gaze for another moment before the light finally turned red. She started driving again.

But I wasn't done. "Really? All of that and for what, Mom? God, you have no idea what Grandpa wanted for me. If only you knew what he asked of me when he was lying in his deathbed."

"And what was that?" She raised a brow.

"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms and was back to looking out the window.

"Of course." She stated.

"Just...stop, please. My grades will be better. Now, we're done having this conversation."

I could feel her seething, the heat of her anger radiating through the cramped vehicle. But she said no more.

Not even for the rest of the night.

[miniwolfsbane]

JWCC Sammy Gutierrez and body positivity

THIS IS VERY LONG! (I just have a lot of feelings!) Also, this is personal and doesn’t talk a lot about Sammy and is just one big rant. 

Comment I wrote on the S2 preview “Also, shout out to the creators for making Sammy heavy, but it not effecting or having anything to do with her character. OR have her be obsessed with food. I'm sure other 90s kids remember the fat kid trope. Not doing fat logic, but we've come so far from the old days! As a woman who had that kind of body type growing up (had skinny friends, developed early, etc. it all was uncomfortable for many reasons. Long story.), it's amazing to see this kind of...semi-body positivity that's quiet and unspoken in a show aimed at everyone, including girls.  If I had seen this character at 13, my mind would've been blown. Kudos!!”

I’m reeeally tired and getting to that point where I get emotional about stupid stuff. However, this isn’t that stupid...maybe? 

We’ve reached a milestone, a kind of apex in American society, where being fat is no longer a running gag and it’s celebrated to be thick and/or a healthy weight. (Not to say skinny isn’t cool and it’s sure as heck better than carry 90+ pounds if it can be helped, but, as I said on Youtube, lots of 90s fat tropes were had, were they not? Every body type has their problems, blessings, and issues.) But, health is also a big issue and losing weight is too. I’m all for losing weight, but I also know what it was like growing up a fat kid, then a fat teenager in the 90s and 2000s when we didn’t have representation and people like Tocorra Jones, Melissa McCarthy,  Ashley Graham and Rebel Wilson around to promote different body shapes and/or being a little heavy or curvy while still being healthy. (Melissa and Rebel have lost weight and I applaud them full circle!)

Anyway, It is downright uplifting to see Sammy in JWCC like this! Being “thicker” than her two female friends doesn’t slow her down or hinder her in anyway. She is not obsessed with food. She is not constantly eating. Likewise, she has an actual personality and an interesting secret and backstory. The fans seem to love her. She is not dressed immodestly and she doesn’t seem to have ANY negative opinions of her body type, for now. Likewise, in a fast paced show like this, no one is talking behind her back about her weight or eating habits (again, for now. This could change in upcoming seasons, we don’t know.) Come to that, she’s fairly intelligent and isn’t dumb. Like, how many times have we seen a fat, dumb person in a show. (I’m looking at you Chris Griffin and Cleveland Jr!) This could’ve gone SO SIDEWAYS in her character creation any number of ways and I’m just amazed it didn’t. However, this maybe is attributed to the show being an action show and not a comedy? In any case, I’m so glad girls of this generation can see it. I wish I’d had it at their age. (It’s probably because her VA is heavy, but heavier than how Sammy is portrayed, to my knowledge. I’ve only seen her years ago on Disney channel.  Who cares why? It happened and I’m glad.) Please be assured, I’m NOT trying promote fat acceptance, just inclusivity, relatability, and representation. 

Like I say all the time, I’m not super heavy. I never was. As I said in the comment, I developed early and had mostly skinny friends growing up. I remember being about 11 and hosting my first sleepover and someone pointing to my arms at my stretch marks, asking what they were. I wasn’t traumatized and they didn’t tease me, but I was a little (a lot?) self-conscious. Like, can we please get the idea out of our head that ONLY pregnant women get stretch marks?? (Cocoa butter companies, hello?!) They can happen to girls that grow tall fast or, like me, you can have them all freaking over because the puberty button in your brain got stuck. (LOL?) And calling them cute things like skin lightning doesn’t really help. My limbs and body still look weird.

I don’t remember seeing many characters shaped like me in shows as a kid or teenager.  Unless maybe Simpsons characters with their pudgy bellies who may be some of the most average, realistic bodies in all of fiction, really. We can’t all be supermodels and body builders. Sailor Moon girls were all thin and leggy. None of the Magic School Bus kids were pudgy, all average and healthy (which is probably a good thing in a way. IDK. Representation is great, but so is promoting healthy eating and healthy shapes. Everything has their place.)  Disney characters were mostly animals at the time, and I didn’t see Recess until Highschool or something at 3 am, and even then, there was only Mikey. Mikey was progressive, but he wasn’t female. Closest I got was Ariel’s (Little Mermaid) sister, Adella ( https://littlemermaid.fandom.com/wiki/Adella) and even then, she had no belly and never animated the same outside of the series with not much character development or anything.

Cassie from Animorphs might’ve been a close second, but, though she was my favorite female character as a kid (not anymore), it was hard to say “OMG, she’s shaped like me!” as it was a book series with few visual aides outside of covers, posters and some toys. 

I remember seeing the singing group Cherish for a few seconds on TV once. A bunch of thick, busty, heavy black girls and I was SO EXCITED because for those few seconds on TV, there were girls that looked like me! Then some years later I found out a few of them lost weight and I was like bleh. (I didn’t follow their music or anything, not even sure how I saw them again.) Not that disapprove, health is essential, and I encourage people to lose weight for themselves, but it was nice having some representation. Except health needs to come first. It’s a two-edged sword if I ever saw one.

Don’t get me started on the sheer amount of girls with small/flat chests on TV. (No offense! See above about body types. Again, it’s about representation and seeing someone that looks like you that was not common in the 90s and early 2000s) I’m picky though. I wanted to see more representation, but the minute I saw it, I was not impressed or annoyed. To my better judgement, I saw a few episodes of something I won’t name with a curvy lead. I found her times dressing up as a man unconvincing and confusing because of her body shape. Other times I was, for lack of a better word, slightly appalled at her own size, even though she somewhat looked like me. I know, it makes no sense. Other times, I was mad at Lizzy Mcguire or another show for having skinny characters with A-cups while I was, er, way past training bras and smaller bras by 14/15 when the show was new.

Swearz, I developed (pun not intended!) this weird conspiracy theory that Disney execs have to look at the Star’s mom and other women in their family before casting a girl to make sure she stays thin/average chested for the shows entire run. Outside of one show, all shows in that era had the same thin girl body type. (And not much representation for different races for Disney back then, but that’s another debate for someone to better handle, not me.) 

All that said, my shape was attributed to four things: Diet, genetics, lack of exercise and my mom’s cooking. Not sure how much I subscribe to the “genetics effect body fat theory”, but the “genetics effect body shape” is definitely a thing! And hormones in chicken. My family said all I ever wanted when I was little was McDonald’s chicken nuggets all the time, so I think that had some play in how I turned out. It’s probably too much to get into here, and no one cares about my sob story, so let’s move on.

Sammy is awesome and I hope to see more characters like her from other studios in the future. Every body type needs representation, but every body also deserves to be healthy and nourished.

EDIT: WARNING: THE VIDEO AND  THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS TALK ABOUT ED AND CALORIE RESTRICTION!!

OMAHGAWWWD! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE INDUSTRY, Y’ALL!! (Okay, that’s obvious, but you don’t really give it thought in your day to day life.)

The video gives a summary of Jenette McCurdy’s time on iCarly and the horrors she’d been going through in her younger years, which included an eating disorder and restricting calories to an (alleged) 900. Dear lord, that is sickening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCE1x_chT34

Granted, I would take this with a small grain of salt as it’s from the internet, and undoubtedly, many actresses, probably more than we realize, have ED’s. If they would start encouraging them to be at healthy weights, things like this wouldn’t happen. Frick Nickelodeon and frick the acting industry!! 

So, this was what I was trying to convey. Casting and producers need to find that middle ground. Don’t promote fact acceptance, but do not force your actors/actresses to be stick thin either.  I could go on a huge tangent, but I don’t have the brain power right now. If you have an ED or know someone that does, I strongly encourage you to get help. I’ve been in tight spots like that (I knew of people or knew people), but getting REAL help from a doctor, professional, or someone with a good head on their shoulders is better than hiding it or keeping it secret. Ten years down the line, you’ll be thankful you did and not have regret. No one is perfect, but sometimes you have to fight harder to find a solution and someone that will actually listen to you and take your concerns to heart. 

If I get negative comments, I’ll be deleting this and no one will be able to enjoy it. Think before you type and don’t be a jerk.

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE:  The beginning of this chapter hits a little harder than it did when I wrote it, because my own grandparent is in ill health of late. That's partially what's been complicating my life. I promise I will post fanfics other than this one very soon - including a certain one a certain fandom has been clamoring for.

------

"Grandma? What do you do when you feel like life is over?"

The elderly proprietor of Marukyu smiled, even if she didn't turn away from the stove. Rise tried not to think too hard about all the new wrinkles that were forming around the corners of her eyes, how much slower she walked than she did before Rise took off for fame and fortune. Those thoughts didn't bring any joy to anyone. Might as well focus on the positives.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Ri-chan? You are still so young. You have many years ahead of you, you should not be thinking about such things yet."

"I… can't help it." She tried to turn her thoughts aside from actual mortality and toward her situation with her classmate. "A friend I really like is fighting with me, and I don't know what to do. I think- no, I know I hurt her feelings on accident. But she's really hurt and she thinks I did it on purpose."

"Hm? What could you have done, dear mago? You are so young, I'm sure it was nothing."

What could she say? How was she supposed to tell her kindly old grandmother that she might not be entirely straight, her friend might not be entirely female, and their relationship might not be entirely platonic? The woman was very traditional, even if she very rarely had an unkind word to say about anyone.

"I told a secret to a friend. Another friend, I mean. And I thought I could trust her with it, but I know now I shouldn't have told her at all… because the whole school found out, and the first friend is embarrassed."

Her grandmother laughed as she lifted a block of silken tofu from the box in which it had been setting, placing it on the counter to be cut into smaller pieces. Rise fell to work right away, since this was her job at the moment as sous-chef. "Ri-chan, it is not something to worry about, I can assure you. These things happen. But if you don't talk to your friend, don't try to work things out, you will regret it later in life. I promise you that, as well."

That, she could absolutely believe. "Yeah. She's just so angry, I don't know what to say to her. Is there anything I can say? Or should I just keep letting her know I want to talk and let her be the one to come to me? I don't know what to do!"

"Ahhhhh, yes, I can understand your concern there. It is like… playing go." They both chuckled, because the raw soybean liquid she was now straining to make the milk base for tofu was also pronounced "go", even though she was referring to the board game. "You are worried what every move you make will be the wrong one. To give up too much territory would be a costly mistake. But to do nothing is the worst move of them all. Then you will have not played, and you have already lost."

"But I…" That was hard to argue with. If she didn't lift a finger at all, she would lose Ai. Sure, if she risked it all she could still lose her, but they were better odds than giving up now. "Y-yeah. Thanks, Grandma."

"Of course. And I know, it must sound silly from an old lady like me, saying your troubles are so small. I know to you, they seem like mountains. But looking back from the mountain I stand on now, they were the foothills. You'll see someday."

Slumping, she set the knife down now that the tofu had been sliced into portions. "If I live that long…"

"RISE!" Suddenly she was being whacked with a spoon, and she ducked and covered her head. "Don't talk like that! You will have a long and healthy life, or I will send you right back to this world to try again! Do you understand?"

"Yes, Grandma," she said with a little bow. Even though she was smiling. So what if her parents were idiots? She had family; she wasn't alone. Sometimes life gives you exactly what you need — no more, no less.

                                            ~ o ~

However, what Rise had not been given was a plan of attack. And the longer she tried to think about it, tried to come up with something to put into play the next day, the more she continued to come up blank. So she decided to focus on practicing her vocals. The exercises were second nature by now, but she was still so rusty after only occasionally singing over the past year. Getting back into the game meant all parts of it, not just the "fun" ones.

Nothing happened the next day at school. Literally nothing. She did try to seek out Ai a few times, just in case they could smooth over the unpleasantness after she had her single petty act of revenge. Maybe that was it. Maybe they could be friends again, if she apologised… but Ai was either skipping, or very artfully avoiding her at all turns. She never saw her once, and she wasn't even responding to her texts or voicemails. Ghosted.

That evening, after dinnertime, she came calling around the Ebihara residence. But the woman who answered told her they weren't receiving guests. Probably a maid, but it also could have been a secretary of some sort. It definitely wasn't Ai's mother…

Thursday seemed like it would be much the same as the last. Unfortunately, an incident toward the end of the day interrupted an otherwise dull existence. Rise had been hoping for something like that — until it happened, and made her eat her wish.

"Attention, please!" called Noriko Kashiwagi in her throaty purr, crossing her arms to prop up her breasts and put them even more on display. Rise had long ago become desensitised to her teacher's little inappropriate displays, but that didn't mean she wasn't far more comfortable in Ms. Sofue's classroom, despite her Egyptian headdress. At least she didn't behave as if she were auditioning for a porno. "Mmm, yes, all eyes on me, class! All eyes on me!"

"Ugh," Kanji muttered from behind her. "No thanks, old bag." Rise tried not to snort.

"That's better. Now… would anyone care to explain this?"

She held up a manilla folder. An empty manilla folder. One of the girls in the front row raised her hand, and the teacher pointed to her. "Is… it's a folder, right?"

"It is. And there was supposed to be something in there. Would anyone care to guess what?" Dead silence. "The answers to yesterday's quiz. But it seems they walked off. Now, if some young, strapping boy would like to come forward and… reveal himself, maybe a little detention with me can straighten him right up."

While she was chuckling in way too flirtatious a tone than was appropriate, making most of the class wonder if they should be reporting her, Rise was glancing around the room, trying to see if she could spot the perpetrator. Not that she knew what to look for exactly; Naoto would have been the one with that skill set, and she wasn't in that class. But she couldn't help idly speculating anyway.

"No one? Very well. I will give you until the end of this class, or you will all be serving detention if the culprit doesn't come forward." When the predictable grumbling broke out, she raised her voice a little to say, "But! Confess your sins, and I may be more lenient! Now take out your books, we must get started."

"Shit," Kanji grumbled under his breath as the students rushed to obey. None of them were coming forward, but none of them wanted to get in trouble for something else either. "That gross old lady is gonna find some way to pin this on one of us. I just know it."

"Would you relax?" Rise hissed under her breath, glancing back at him as she opened her book. "She probably just misplaced it while she was too busy thinking about new ways to make the boys in her class feel uncomfor-huh?"

She cut off when she felt a page slide over her fingers in a way that wasn't natural. Looking down, she saw a piece of paper fluttering to the floor. Did somebody toss it onto her desk? No, it was much more likely it had been tucked in the pages of her book and fallen out when she opened it. Brow furrowing, she stooped to pick it up.

And her heart stopped. It didn't take her more than a couple of seconds to figure out what she was looking at.

"What's that?" asked one of the boys. She had barely looked up at him when everybody else was craning their neck, trying to see. Instinctively, she drew away, even though she would later regret doing so.

"Miss Kujikawa, do you have something you care to share with the class?"

"Oh. Well… yes, Miss Kashiwagi, this fell out of my textbook."

The woman slunk through the classroom toward her. Really, she started to think she ought to get a phone set up somewhere to grab video of the audacity of this cougar! She snatched the page out of her hand, stared at it… and her eyebrows shot up.

"This is it. The answer key." A ripple of gasps spread throughout the room, followed by hushed whispering. "Oh… but why would you need this, Kujikawa? Your grades have been consistently splendid."

"I… I didn't take it, I promise! It was just there already — I've never seen that before in my life!"

Noriko shook her head and tsked. "My, my, such acting skills. Not that I'm surprised, Risette. I would say that you must have been stealing the answers all along and that's why your grades are so high, but… this is the first time an answer key has gone missing."

"Miss Kashiwagi," Kanji put in suddenly, "come on, that's crap." Rise saw the teacher flinch at his disrespectful coarseness, and was thankful he pushed ahead immediately afterward. "Why the hell would she put that somewhere as stupid as her book if she was trying to cheat? Nobody's that dumb."

"Or careless," the teacher agreed with a long sigh, staring down at the page thoughtfully. For a long few seconds that had Rise's stomach twisting into knots. "Kujikawa, I'll supervise while you retake the test after school. If you score an above average grade on it, no cheating, I will choose to believe this somehow found its way into your book by mistake and we will forget the whole thing. But I had better not see you pull anything like this again, understand?"

The pop idol deflated somewhat. She had really been hoping the teacher would just believe her outright, and she wasn't thrilled at the idea of having to retake a test for no good reason. But all she said aloud was, "Yes, sensei."

"Mm. Now, if any of you choose to admit to a little prank on Kujikawa, you can raise your hand now, or see me after class. Where I can punish you suitably."

If only she didn't add that sinister chuckle as she walked back to her desk, hips swaying too much to be accidental…

"What the hell?" Kanji hissed to her as the teacher began to give their lesson for the day in earnest. "You didn't do it, right?"

"No, I didn't."

"Then how'd that thing get into your book? It was in your bag before you even walked into class."

Jaw setting as she stared through the blackboard, Rise growled, "Oh… I have a pretty good idea."

                                            ~ o ~

This time, Ai was lying in wait like a supervillain in her lair — even if it was just on the roof. Rise was already shaking her head and clapping as she walked up to her.

"Thank you, thank you." She even took a little bow before raising up to smirk devilishly at her. "And I'm sure you're pissed but trying to put on that brave face."

"You think this is tatemae? No, no. You're getting the real Rise, live and in colour."

"Sure, okay, whatever. But you must be here because of my little gift."

Rise leaned her elbows against the ledge, staring out over Inaba through the fence. Just sighing and thinking. Ai regarded her warily; she could see as much out of the corner of her eye. But she didn't say anything further as she waited for the response.

"It didn't feel good."

"That's it?" she snorted. "Wow."

"It didn't. Because you were my friend, and I miss you, and… I don't want to fight. Doesn't matter, though; I know I really messed up, and you're mad. And I can't change that; maybe… I can't ever change it. But does it have to go down like this? Really?"

Ai's tone wasn't as jovial now. She was still ice cold, not betraying any pain or rage. "Yes."

"Fine. But now it's my turn to let you know something."

"And what might that be? Please, Risette, bless me with your tiny little thoughts."

Rise spun to glare at her. "Oh, there it is. You think I'm small-minded, huh? Because I didn't know how to handle this from the beginning. Well I guess I was. But don't you think this is a pretty childish way to react? Trying to embarrass me, get me kicked out of school?"

"You mean the way you almost got me kicked out of school? Which could still happen, you know; I fooled them once, but what if I slip up? Or you slip up again? Could still come crashing down around me. I'm used to shitty rumours circulating about me, y'know; these rumours are just new and unwelcome because they could mean the end of life as I know it. Hell, you could still just out me again more publicly, and then I'd be royally fucked. But I'm going to force your hand." She took a step closer, glowering down into her eyes. "I am going to push, and prod, and ruin, and unravel, until you either have to kick my ass, leave in defeat, or out me on purpose. You could do that, you know; it's always been on the table. But you really think you're a good person under all that fame and stardom and self-involvement."

Rise burst out laughing, biting as the sound was. "Whoa, whoa, amazing! You're sitting there, calling me vain again! YOU! I thought we already did this one."

Ai rolled her eyes. They were both drawn tight as bowstrings as they tried to navigate this situation, being so close to a person that had been everything in their eyes once. Rise knew she still felt that way. She only could guess whether or not her feelings remained requited, despite this feud.

"Fine. Then your days are numbered. I promise I'm going to be so happy when you're dragged off your pedestal, cutie."

"Sure," she snorted. "Because we both know that's not true."

"Oh, it's not?"

"No. You still love me." Even while Ai let out a blast of harsh laughter, Rise pushed ahead. "And I still love you. So you doing this to me? It's only going to be a bad look for one of us."

Ai's dark smile finally faded into a blank look. "I didn't think you would admit it. Wow, I really wrapped you around my finger, didn't I?"

Rise felt that. She saw the glimmer of hope, she knew she had to grasp it. But with Ai dead set on her current path, she didn't know how. So she simply whispered, "I will do whatever you want. Okay? Anything to make it up to you. I already would. But you have to act like I'm not a monster first, just… give me something to grab onto. Tell me how to be better."

Ai frowned, brow creasing the tiniest bit. She leaned closer, and Rise felt her heart leap into her throat — amazed this was going to happen, here, on the school roof where anyone could see them! Her eyes began to slide closed…

But before they were shut, she saw the smirk and her heart was already sinking. The writing was on the wall. Words weren't necessary; all they did was pour salt in the wound Ai had already ripped freshly open.

"You can't be better, because you can't be me."

Then she strutted confidently off toward the stairwell, leaving a bruised and battered survivor on the battlefield. Even if Rise wasn't the victor, nor had she died; it was something of an emotional break-even. But she would need a while to recover from the skirmish regardless. Anyone would have.

                                            ~ o ~

It took Rise until she was already walking home from school, a successful retake of a test she hadn't cheated on already under her belt, to realise the silver lining of all these events. The temptation to be so unbelievably furious with Ai was strong, as was the painful longing for release — to give up, to either forget about Ai forever or just retaliate to give her what she seemed to want. The idol didn't know what to do but she felt like doing nothing wasn't acceptable.

But eventually, as she was staring into the rippling water of the Fuefuki, it came to her. Clarity. The realisation that there was a flipside to just how ardently her former friend was pursuing this line of vengeance.

"Ohhh," she breathed softly with a slowly widening smile. Bittersweet though it was. "I get it. That's really sad… but I get it now."

Unfortunately, nobody was around to hear this revelation, so she didn't tell anyone. Not yet. That was something she could keep in her back pocket for a little while longer.

                                            To Be Continued…

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 1/2)

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Hey, do you miss Gravity Falls?

...

Yeah, I know, dumb question. Which is why I have good news! Not only is there a new series that is just as good as Gravity Falls, but in some ways, it's even better. That new series would be none other than Disney Channel's latest hit: The Owl House.

The Owl House, slowly but surely, became my new obsession since Eda reacted to decapitation with an unconcerned, "I hate when that happens." I wrote fan-fiction, made fan-art, and even began to separately review new episodes. Unfortunately, I got in a little late in the reviewing game and only managed to analyze the last four episodes of season one. And like an idiot, I promised that I'll review the rest when they came out on Disney+. Seeing that all of the first season has finally come on a legal streaming service (which means WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!), it's time I finally saw through to that promise. However, I'm not going to over-analyze each episode because that would be insane. So instead, we're going to lightning round these suckers. Because it's my Tumblr, and I get to decide what I review and how the hell I review it...hooah.

Which means this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen The Owl House yet. Seriously, it's a great show, and you can catch up right now on Disney+. A week-long trial is more than enough time to watch the series, so DO IT! With that out of the way, let's get started with:

“A Lying Witch and a Warden”: This episode gets a lot of flack for having poor pacing and being too preachy with its message. And to that, I say...you're not wrong. Yeah, I wish I could be that person who can defend this episode against criticism like that, but these are understandable problems that just left this icky feeling in my tum-tum when watching. But that's only when looking at it as a regular old episode when in reality, people need to see it as a first episode. The first episode in any show needs to get viewers interested enough to continue watching by answering these five essential questions: What's the plot of the show? What's the tone? Who are the main characters? What's the world they live in? And what are the rules of the same world? "A Lying Witch and a Warden" does a great job of answering all of these questions. And if you stuck around until the season finale, then that means it did a great job of keeping you interested in sticking around as well. So seeing how it got its job done, albeit, with mixed results, I give this episode a B-.

“Witches Before Wizards”: Don't mind me. Just reveling in the fact that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Because that's what this episode is in a nutshell. Through the "quest" that Luz goes on, she learns two important lessons: One, don't trust strangers who offer you something nice and shiny (bonus points for Eda warning Luz to avoid men with sandals and then have Ategast wear sandals). And two, there is no such thing as having a predetermined destiny. I love the idea that Luz coming to the Isles was just a twist of fate, and everything that happens afterward is pure dumb luck. And that moment when Eda gave a speech about making your own path instead of waiting to become something special? That was the moment when I went from thinking this was going to be a fun show to thinking it's going to be a great show. So consider this episode a solid A in my book.

“I Was a Teenage Abomination”: How is it possible for an episode to get better and worse with time? Because here's the thing: This episode does a great job of showing how perfect Amity's development is. After one single season, it already feels jarring, seeing the way she acts in certain scenes. However, in that same respect, it's the same reason why this episode got worse. I didn't mind that Willow practically got away with cheating and vandalizing the school with her magic because she and Luz were basically trying to show up a two-dimensional bully. But knowing what we know in the future, it does seem unfair that Amity gets punished for their bad behavior and Willow got little consequences for it. Sure, Luz got banned and had to work at gaining Amity's trust, but what about Willow? Although, despite this complaint, I don't really hate this episode. It builds a believable connection between Luz and her friends, and the B-plot King and Eda show off their budding friendship. So while this episode is a C-, it's a somewhat enjoyable C-.

“The Intruder”: Is it weird for anyone else that King gets most of the blame in this episode? Yes, he took the potion, but Luz was the one who kept pushing him. This is why it never sat right with me seeing how everyone, including himself, blames King for this episode's incident. That being said, "The Intruder" is fantastic. Eda, as the Owl Beast, is legitimately threatening, and the way the episode treats Eda's curse like a chronic illness is actually kind of sweet. It teaches kids how this is something that just happens to people, and they're not any weaker because of it, as long as they take the right steps. Which is cool, and it's why this is another solid A episode for me. Sure King getting the blame bothers me, but it pales in comparison to everything else “The Intruder” does right.

“Covention”: If you want my personal opinion (obviously, seeing how you're reading this), "Covention" is the perfect episode to show a friend to get them into watching the The Owl House. Everything there is to love about the show is seen in just these twenty-two minutes. Eda being a chaotic good, Luz being a sweet and understanding character, some incredible/natural world-building, an actually decent B-plot, an epic fight scene, great comedy, and, my personal favorite, the building of Luz and Amity's relationship. In fact, this episode has the most quintessential moment between these two, that Dana Terrace herself took charge of making the animatic for it. A scene that is so perfect that you can do an analysis of these few minutes alone...which is what I did. Click here to read it! "Covention" gets an A+ in my book and might possibly be the best episode of the season. Maybe even the series!

“Hooty’s Moving Hassle”: There's not really a lot I can say about this episode. I don't hate it, but I'm not exactly in love with it. The interactions between Luz and her friends are adorable, and there are a few good jokes that kept me laughing. But the story is kind of bland, and I just find Eda's sudden obsession with Hexes Hold'em kind of odd. Especially since a card game is what nearly defeated the "undefeatable" Owl Lady. If it wasn't for the nice reveal of Willow's and Amity's friendship (which comes into play in a far better episode), I'd say that you could skip this one on future rewatches. Because this is a C grade episode that just doesn't grab me as well as others.

“Lost in Language”: Ah, yes. The episode that made dozens of fans jump aboard the Lumity ship...unless you're like me, and you've been shipping these two since the show's theme song (And I don't know why, either. It's just the second I saw Amity my first thought was, "Oh, honey. You're gonna fall in love with the main character, aren't you?" AND I WAS F**KING RIGHT!). But jokes about shipping aside, "Lost in Language" is a fantastic episode. It has a great lesson about how people are more complex than their first impressions (Or to not judge a book by its cover, if you wanna stay on theme). Edric and Emira seem like a chaotic duo who cause mischief all for good fun. But Luz, as well as the audience, learns that Ed and Em are kinda the worst (they get better in future episodes, but still). Then there's Amity, who hasn't had the best first impressions in the last few episodes. We got glimpses of a good person here and there, but for the most part, that's all they were. Glimpses. Then there's this episode, which gives us more than a small look, but some actual insight into who Amity really is. Better yet, who she wants to be. It's something that I appreciate about The Owl House in that it wastes no time in developing Amity's character. So much so that I can forgive this episode for shoehorning a "Two idiots and a baby" plotline that does nothing but add maybe two minutes of padding. So yeah, it's an A+ for sure.

“Once Upon a Swap”: "Ugh! It's the body swap episode! How cliche and-" SHUT UP! Shut your mouth, and listen: Something being cliche does not always make it bad. Only when the cliche fails to tell an entertaining story does it have the right to work as a complaint. "Once Upon a Swap" may have a cliche premise, but it's still an enjoyable story (or stories) with great laughs and even some ok lessons. I can understand if you hate the episode because its premise is something you've seen a dozen times to the point where your sick of it. My most hated story idea is the "Character A saves Character B, and Character B becomes a life slave." If you have seen this story once, you've seen it a thousand times, and it's the same case with a "body swap" episode. But guess what: The Owl House is a kids' show. Kids'. Show. You can complain all you want about predictability, but kids are the type of viewers who will be new to this experience, despite if it's one that is done to death. Which is why this is solid B of an episode if you ask me.

“Something Ventured, Someone Framed”: Can people please stop shipping Gus with Mattholomule? Because that slimy, greasy, weaselly little son of A BASTARD BITCH WEASEL DOES NOT DESERVE LOVE IN WAY POSSIBLE!

...

But enough about how Mattholomule is the worst character ever, because "Something Ventured, Someone Framed" is a B+ in my opinion. Sure it shows the worst side of Gus and lets Satan's little herpe win in the end, but there is still quality to be had. We get insight into who Gus is as a character, on top of Eda swallowing her pride and cleaning the school so Luz can get into Hexide. Also, Eda's permanent record was the first time this show brought me to tears due to laughing so hard. So while I have to take points off for the inclusion of Mattholomule (I don't make the rules. I just live by them), this is still an episode I wouldn't mind revisiting.

“Escape of the Palisman”: I subscribe to this theory that Luz will one day have Eda's staff as her own. And episodes like this that strengthen the bond between Luz and Owlbert help confirm that theory. Luz's dedication to trying to make things right could just be part of her kind nature, but I like to believe that this is Dana and the crew trying to set up this possible outcome. As for what I think about the episode itself...it's ok. Again, Luz's dedication is nice to see, and King's adventure with Owl Beast Eda is somehow insanely adorable, but there's not really much to say other than that. So it's another B episode for me.

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And that’s the end of part one! Part two has probably already been posted by the time you finish this, so you can go ahead and find that if you’re interested.

[aion-rsa]

Lance Henriksen on His Career: ‘Every Job I’ve Ever Gotten Was a Gift’

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Lance Henriksen has been one of the screen’s most distinctive character actors and overall badasses for going on 50 years. A genuine working actor who always seems to be showing up in a film or TV show, the New York-born Henriksen’s early film career featured small roles in some of the most iconic films of the 1970s, including Dog Day Afternoon, Network and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Even though his long and varied run on the big and small screen was just getting underway, he managed to work with directors like Sidney Lumet and Steven Spielberg.

He also didn’t have a clue at the time that those films would endure decades later as classics of their era.

“I had no idea,” he says while speaking to us on the phone about his latest film, Falling. “I was just grateful to have a job and do my best and try. It was a gift. Every job I’ve ever gotten, I feel it was a gift. I don’t make any bones about that. It’s just a lot of luck.”

Now at the age of 80, Henriksen is a statesman of cinema in Falling, Viggo Mortensen’s directorial debut. However, the older actor wasn’t always sure luck was going to come his come his way. His father was a merchant sailor who was away at sea most of the time. His mother, who worked as a dance instructor, a model, and a waitress, divorced Henriksen’s father when her son was just two and struggled to raise both Lance and his brother on her own. Stints in foster care and abuse at the hands of other family members followed, with Henriksen out of school after first grade and out of his home for good at 12. He didn’t learn to read until he was nearly 30 years old.

It was around that time that he began working in theater, first in set design and then eventually on the sets themselves as an actor. His first film appearance came in 1972, in the long-forgotten It Ain’t Easy for director (and future Star Trek: The Next Generation producer/writer) Maurice Hurley. Three years later, he was an FBI agent in Lumet’s Dog Day Afternoon, which got him a call from Spielberg, the red-hot young director of Jaws who was then prepping his alien contact epic, Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

In that film, Henriksen played one of the many scientists and technicians on hand for the arrival of the alien mothership and its crew.

“[Spielberg] was getting ready to shoot the mothership leaving, with all the little creatures and all the astronauts going up onto the machine,” the actor recalls now. “And I ran over and said, ‘Hey, listen, Steven, I’ve got an idea. What if I take my coat, throw it over one of these little creatures, and run into the Porta-Potties with it, so we’ve got proof, because this thing’s going to take off and disappear.’ And he looked at me and goes, ‘Lance, listen to me, that’s a different movie.’”

Following that mid-1970s run, which also included the 1978 horror sequel, Damien: Omen II, and the truly bonkers sci-fi cult film The Visitor, with John Huston and Glenn Ford, Henriksen wouldn’t see his next big break until 1982. That’s when a first-time director named James Cameron cast him in Piranha 2: The Spawning, which Cameron was shooting for exploitation producer Ovidio G. Assonitis.

“I like Jim,” says Henriksen of the man who would later go on to make game-changing, record-breaking blockbusters like Titanic and Avatar. “I met him on Piranha 2. Neither one of us liked that movie, but we did it. We had to do that movie. We weren’t supported very much by the producers…And then when the movie was done, we all went home and I remember they fired Jim the last day of shooting so that they could edit and control the movie.”

According to Henriksen, the producers of Piranha 2 took the film out of Cameron’s hands and presented their own edit to distributor Columbia Pictures, which rejected it.

Says Henriksen, “Jim took the same footage that they showed Columbia. He re-edited it and brought it back to [the studio]. And that’s the cut that released. It’s a great story. I hope it’s true.”

Cameron cast Henriksen in his next two movies, both of which turned into sci-fi/action classics: 1984’s The Terminator and 1986’s Aliens. It was in the latter film that Henriksen created the first of several iconic performances by playing the enigmatic and ultimately heroic android Bishop. Other 1980s standouts for Henriksen included Prince of the City, The Right Stuff, and Jagged Edge, while the latter half of that decade yielded lead roles in two horror cult classics, Pumpkinhead and Near Dark.

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Although Henriksen continued to work steadily in movies throughout the 1990s, 2000s and 2010s, it was a TV show that yielded perhaps his most famous character after Bishop: ex-FBI profiler and serial killer hunter Frank Black in creator Chris Carter’s nightmarish thriller series Millennium. The series was Carter’s follow-up to The X-Files and it ran for three seasons and 67 episodes on Fox from 1996 to 1999.

“I think the thing that I admired the most was when I was offered the role, I didn’t right away know it was television,” says Henriksen, who also admits that the show’s oppressive nature and the tormented psyche of his character wore on him during its three-year run. “I got to a restaurant with Chris Carter and the director. I said, ‘Let me ask you something. This is so dark. A lot of serial killers. A lot of bad people. Where’s the light going to come from?’ And all Chris Carter said to me was, ‘The yellow house.’ And then I got it right away. It was about [Black’s] family and I agreed to do it.”

Henriksen adds, “Occasionally it sucked me in,” referring to Millennium’s relentlessly grim atmosphere. “But it was a tough show. It wasn’t an easy one. It was also kind of a groundbreaker at the time, I think.” Henriksen has been quoted as saying that it took him “a year” to get out of the head of Frank Black after the show was cancelled, and has often noted that he finds it difficult to detach himself from a character after the project has finished shooting.

When it came to Falling, Henriksen says he was actually leery at first of playing Willis Peterson, the conservative and homophobic father of a middle-aged gay man named John (Mortensen, who also wrote and scored the movie). Nearing the end of his life, perpetually angry and having pushed two wives and his children away from him, Willis is perhaps the most complex role of Henriksen’s career but one which he says was exhausting to play.

“I have to tell you the minute we were wrapped and we finished the movie, I said, ‘Viggo, I’m going to disappear for a while. I got to get myself back,’” Henriksen explains. “I was a little afraid to do it. I got so deep into some of it that I got a little afraid that I’m going to get a form of Alzheimer’s of some kind–I won’t be able to shake it. But I was able to shake it. But anyway, it was intense. It really was, the stakes were very high. And we had a short time to do it. We shot it in five weeks.”

Henriksen’s relationship with Mortensen–best known to genre fans as Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings–stretches back to the 2008 Western Appaloosa, in which both men starred alongside Ed Harris. “We both love Westerns and we all enjoyed it,” says Henriksen of his first collaboration with Mortensen. “All three of us: Ed loves Westerns. He knows how to ride, he knows how to do it. It was nice to meet Viggo. He’s as good a guy as I’ve ever met. I liked him right away, really good guy.”

Nevertheless, Henriksen–a graduate of the Actors Studio and a practitioner of method acting–still wasn’t sure he wanted to play Willis when Mortensen sent him the Falling script. “It scared me,” he admits. “He said, ‘Would you do it?’ I said, ‘Sure, I’m scared, but I’ll do it.’ And then we lost the original backing and it took two years to finally get new backing, and he said, ‘You still want to do it?’ And I went, ‘Yeah.’ And he goes, ‘That didn’t sound very enthusiastic, Lance.’ I said to him, ‘The truth is, I’m going to have to visit some real dark places from my youth, my childhood, all of that, and I’m nervous.’”

In Falling, John brings Willis home to Los Angeles with him to stay with his family, including husband Eric (Terry Chen) and their adopted daughter Monica (Gabby Velis) while they look for a new home for Willis closer to John and his sister Sarah (Laura Linney). But Willis is resolutely against leaving his rural farm in heartland America, determined to stick to his sheltered lifestyle even as the onset of dementia begins to blur the past and the present in his mind.

Despite his anxiety about delving into Willis’ tortured, embittered psyche, Henriksen now imparts that participating in the film became an instant highlight of his career. “It was the best experience I’ve ever had as an actor,” he says. “The support to do it and [Mortensen’s] appreciation level and all of those things were everything that I hoped for… I have nothing but gratitude. This is maybe the best role I’ve gotten in my lifetime. I really think that.”

Those are strong words coming from an actor who has appeared in many of the definitive films of the last five decades, but Falling may well feature some of the most emotionally raw work he’s done during his lifetime in the business. “I’m grateful to be an actor,” Lance Henriksen says with sincerity. “I’m an apprentice to every new subject. It’s been my education. I’m a lucky guy, I really am.”

Falling is out in theaters, on digital, and on demand now.

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