#anyways would rly appreciate the help if you know anything!

[enhafilthandfiction]

Enhypen - when you're on your period

A/N: Helloooo! This wasn't a request but I feel like writing this reaction since I'm currently on my period >:( Ughhh pls send help

Pairing : Bf!Enha X Fem!Reader

Warnings : Blood (obvi), food, crack, mentions of sex in jake's

Word count : 1,361 words (about 150 words each)

Masterlist - Tips

♡ Lee Heeseung ♡

His heart would break seeing you like this

he would immediately notice you got your period, but wouldn't say anything to save you some 'embarrassment'.

He'd act nonchalant and chill, wanting to just chill whilst you were both at home and procrastinating.

"What ya wanna do?" he asks, once you come out of the bathroom for the millionth time. (It felt like that for him)

He'd let you pick whatever you wanna do and gives in, even if you wanted to test your makeup on him or paint his nails 😭

He ain't saying no

You end up watching a movie when the cramps became a little too much, laying on the couch with him behind you, hands wrapped around your waist, but ready to let go of you whenever you need to use the bathroom (again)

Hearing you whimper in pain would pain him as well, gently bringing his hand over to your tummy to rub in circles.

It doesn't really do anything tbh, maybe distract you, but you appreciate him trying 🥺

Later, he'd definitely make you some ramen, insisting that it was the only food that would cure your cramps and upset mood.

Will definitely sing you to sleep, that's why his head voice is so good.

♡ Park Jay ♡

Everyone says this but : MOM MODE ONNNN 🤗😌

Literally won't stop making sure you're good

and he's prob the most chill about it, like its not a big deal at all

he's just very mature

"You sure you have everything?"

"Don't be shy y/n, it's okay"

"I don't mind buying them for you"

And he does, bc cool boyfriends arent embarrassed to buy tampons 😎

Oh wait

"Pads or tampons?" "Ah ok" "What size exactly??" "Got it"

Hurries up bc he doesn't wanna leave you alone for too long.

Asks you what you wanna eat and will literally cook you anything

pasta with ice cream sauce? Ok

Pineapple on pizza? Ok

cook you his pet fish? Also ok

Makes you tea before bed, because he insists its good to prevent cramps

Might cuddle up in bed and lets you rest your head on his chest as he reads you a book of your choice.

Jay reading to you in that American accent 😩

♡ Sim Jake ♡

Boi does his research

he knows it has to do with periods and hormones when you start acting up

Is lowkey scared so he relies on google to provide him with answers.

"Ughhh, Jake, my cramps are getting worse" you whine, still laying in bed, scrunching up your face

He smiles brightly as he remembers of his searches

"I've heard that having sex could reduce period cramps" he announces proudly, looking at you like 😏

"You're seriously tryna get your dick wet rn??" you get mad and start throwing pillows at him.

"N-Nah but for real!!" He protests, ducking your hits "Seriously, I've read it online" he says in his defence, trying to catch his breath from that near pillow fight

"Damn, since when did you get so good at pillow fighting?" he tries to compliment but it only makes you wanna punch his bicep playfully.

You whine out in pain again, gripping onto his sitting figure at the edge of the bed. "What I am supposed to do?" he questions, haven already given you one alternative.

"Oh, how about we listen to my boy Justin?" he asks, already whipping out his phone

"Noooo, Enhypen is so much better dude" you reply, glaring at him

he agrees and puts on 'pass the mic'

He pushed your shoulders playfully "You got -pushed -pushed" he sings along

"JAKEEE"

Anyway, ends up buying you mc donalds and ice cream to make it up to you

he rly tries but he's a little clueless tbh.

♡ Park Sunghoon ♡

Bro lowkey ghosts you and avoids you

he knows that you're in a bad mood, and he doesn't wanna make it worse with uncontrollable teasing 😭

when you notice his distant behaviour, it only makes you even more upset

"HOON" you yell at him from the other room

he knows he fcked up and feel like he's boutta get his ass whooped.

He makes it hesitantly to your room, regretting it immediately when he sees your pout.

"H-hi y/n, he stutters, thinking of whatever he's gonna say, not wanting to upset your hormones.

"Hoon, why are you avoiding me?" the first tear rolls down your cheek "I'm literally bleeding and you're leaving me alone!" you burst out crying.

He stand there, biting his bottom lip, contemplating what to do

"C-can I hug you?" he asks, moving closer to you. He wraps his arms around you when you nod, pulling you in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry y/n, I thought you wanted to be left alone" he reasons, making sure you know he's sorry

"Its fine" you so sob into his shirt "Now can we watch your ice skating videos and cuddle?" you smile up at him suddenly, flattering your previously wet eyelashes to convince him.

He sighs, knowing you'll just burst out crying again if he doesn't agree

You reach for the remote, pulling on one of his ice skating videos.

He's already on your bed, hands behind his head, almost drifting off

"You look like a grandpa" you laugh, climbing onto your bed and getting closer to him, when the video starts playing.

"He wants to 'compliment' you back, but he fears he'll upset your hormones so he just doesn't say anything for your sake.

♡ Kim Sunoo ♡

A literal sweetheart

Almost like your bestie tbh

He cares about you so much and clearly shows it when your in these situations.

He doesn't hesitate to literally do everything for you

Take off your make up and does your skin care routine for you

Might even wash you if you're too tired to shower lmao

He pouts at you whenever you get cramps, wishing to take them away from you, just to see you smile again.

"My poor baby" he would say, hugging you close to him, gently, not to hurt you or anything.

He'd also be the best at tittie rubs

Like if your breasts were sore, he wouldn't mind massaging them, his soft hands easing some of the pressure on your chest.

You might even fall asleep like that, his hands on your chest under your top, acting like your bra as he sleeps behind you.

♡ Yang Jungwon ♡

Very mature #2

Cares a lot about you and worries

Studies and researches about it so you won't have bad periods :(

Worries when you wear tampons

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"Is it safe though?"

"Y/n, I don't think you should sleep t-tampons because you know, it m-might get stuck in there or something"

He just wants to make sure you're okay

"Ok gynaecologist 😀"

He doesn't really mind if you bleed on his sheets, as long as you aren't wearing tampons to bed

"It's fine sweetie, I'll clean it up"

Doesn't get mad or anything, changes the sheets and makes you change

Definitely cuddles you to sleep and holds your hand if the cramps get too much

♡ Nishimura Riki ♡

Teases the hell out of you

But also tries to help if you get cramps

If he sees you on the couch, he'll crawl in behind you, placing his hands on your hips.

He squeezes your waist

"My little ketchup bottle" he coos

"Nikiii" you try to squirm away embarrassed by his comment.

Definitely rubs your tummy if the cramps get too much

Slightly awkward at first and he feels a little shy doing it

"This okay?" he asks, rubbing circles in your tummy

You don't have the heart to tell him that it doesn't help but at least its a good distraction.

When he leaves for practise, he'll definitely leave you a plushy, big enough that you can hug it close

"Maybe this plushy will help :]" gives you his favourite plushy :(

He'll overall check up on you a lot, and really tried his best to help you out

I need a sweet boy like niki 😭

Hello! Thankyou for reading! Hope y'all are okay and remember that periods only last about a week! You got it!! For anyone who get cramps, I hope they're not as bad or get better :)

Lyyyy <333

If you enjoyed this post, you can help support my blog by tipping me here! Anything is highly appreciated!

[jillsc6rs]

Peace ✷

pairing ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ john marston x gn ! reader

warnings ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ no dialogue , angst...sorry , hurt/(no) comfort , abigail and john r not a thing in this , not proof read

a/n ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ i think I've seen a fic like this before but...i dont really remember? still in my head j am givinf them credits if i actually did read something like this,,, might've been a caption on a joiver art i saw idk . anyway i rly need to stop making everything angsty,,,

I will help you swim / I'm gonna help you swim

You knew you weren't going to see him again. Watching him from where you sat at the campfire, the gang was falling apart and you were planning your way to leave. Such little people left and your heart hurts whenever you see the condition Arthur is in.

Always having to deal with hearing Dutch say they just need one more score — but you know it's over. This is it.

John walks over to you and sits down next to you. You give him a smile and he returns it. The two of you sit in silence as the remainder in the members do the same.

Hearing Micah and Dutch whisper about something you move to grab Johns hand. Now your fingers interlocked, you look at him and he's staring at you too.

You truly don't want to just abandon him but you can't stay and asking him to leave with you seems unreasonable to do. Thinking to yourself, you decide to maybe share one last tender moment with him before your leave.

You get up and tug his arm and he gets the message; standing up as well. Then you lead him as far as you can from the camp, to a lake. He stares at you; confused but you squeeze his hand and he understands.

Releasing his hand the two of you slip out of your clothes and only have your undergarments. Stepping into the water, you reach your hand out for him to grab and he does.

You ease him in and instruct him to keep calm and let himself float. Promising you won't let him sink.

You stare at him as you keep him a float. Simply admiring him as his long hair makes it look like he has a halo — like he's an angel from the heavens above. He looks so peaceful but you know he's fearing of suddenly drowning and the fact he put his trust in you to keep him living makes your heart skip a beat.

The only sound the two of you hear being the rustling of trees, water splashing, and your humming. Feeling your eyes well up with tears, you close your eyes, trying your best to savor this moment.

It's so peaceful...you wish to stay like this as you open your eyes again and notice he's opened his too. He takes note of your teary eyes and his face twists with concern. You give him a smile of reassurance but it didn't help.

Yet he didn't say anything, just appreciating the silence as well — he never thought water would be this calming for him. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead and he smiles.

You hear him mutter an 'I love you'...

That's all you hear, before everything sounds silent now. You try to respond but all you can get out is a small noise.

He doesn't mind, he knows you love him as well and wouldn't leave him.

And you do love him...you treasure him and everything about him. Ever since you met him, sure he was a piece of work but that was why you loved him.

So it leaves him confused and hurt when he can't seem to find you at the camp the next morning. He was hoping to ask if the two of you could go to the lake again but he can't find you.

He notices a piece of paper in your tent and he picks it up to read.

He feels his world crumbling as he reads it.

My Dearest, John,

I'm sorry for leaving you. I love you, I truly do, I just couldn't bring myself to ask you to leave with me. I don't know where I am going, think I'm just gonna wonder until I find where I can stay. I know it seems like a bad idea, but it's all I could think to do. The gangs falling apart — Dutch as gone mad. Please get out of there as well. I hope you can forgive me if our paths decide to cross again and god I hope they do. I'll miss you dearly, John

Love, [Name].

He couldn't believe it. You left without telling him? He would've said yes if you'd asked him. Why didn't you ask him? Did anyone else know about this? Were you safe? He prayed you were safe. Please be safe.

The day couldn't get anymore worse then this. You left without a word and his heart is broken. He's not sure if he could handle more.

But more he had to handle. Everything is falling apart, he has to leave. And that he does when he gets left for dead by Dutch. When he's forced to pick a side and Arthur makes him leave, to get away from this life, to go find you. He keeps Arthurs words in mind, after getting to a safer area, he sets off to find you.

He will find you — somehow; he needs to.

a/n 2 ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ lolol sry this is short . i think idk...i was listening to twin sized mattress and needed to write this ! hope u enjoyed ur read see u next time ^3^ mwah mwah

[8myass]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅ hi, y'all! i'm new to this community and i just wanted to do a little "intro to my account" post with a bit about me and my writing! `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ my name is lele, i go by she/her pronouns, and i'm 18 y/o, but i've been writing (and reading) fanfics for years. `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ this is an 18+ account for the mature themes written. i know minors will read anyway, so just read responsibly and understand what you're getting into. there should be no shocker when there is smut in a smut story. `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ i follow everyone back! `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ will include a lot of dark content, fluff isn't my strong suit. `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ works are scheduled to be posted every saturday and sunday (hopefully). `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ if you enjoy my works, please like, comment feedback, and reblog! that would be very much appreciated!! 🩵 `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ requests are open! `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ prompts for requests are found here, but any requests are appreciated ♡. requests will be answered out of order, so it might take a bit for me to wrack my brain of good content to answer requests! `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ anons are welcomed. `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ currents anons are: 🧺 `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ taglist is open!

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- what i won't write: strictly bxb content (i'm inexperienced, maybe i'll try it in the future, also might be on sidelines of stories), incest, mpreg, male reader for smut (as i am not male, i deem it hard to write the mc as a male. but gender neutral is okay), nothing much that i won't really write. ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- what i do write: gxg, stepcest, age gaps (legal), infidelity/cheating, noncon (no consent given), dubcon (consent is questionable), cnc (roleplayed noncon scenarios, but it's fully consensual), bondage, any kink you can think of (no piss/shit kinks tho 😐), pegging, dom!reader, switch!reader, yandere, stalkers/stalking, gore, knife play, gun play, sensory play, branding, murder (not of mcs), omegaverse / a/b/o (never written before, i can't promise it'll be good, but i can try??), dacryphilia, unprotected sex, breeding, voyeurism/exhibitionism, blackmail, sensory deprivation, femdoms (whether this means reader or idol), g!p, anal, threesomes/foursomes/anysomes rly, orgies/gangbanging, monster fucking??? idk ig that's all for now, i'm willing to try everything at least once, i'm a rather experimental writer. if it's not listed, i will probably write it anyway lmao. ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- genres i write: smut (w or w/o plot, preferably w), fluff, angst, horror/thriller, suggestive, crack, honestly just anything (always experimenting). ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- what i write: series (possibly), drabbles, oneshots (less than 4k words), fake texts, headcannons, hard/soft thoughts, full-fics (more than 4k words). ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- boy groups i write for: nct (all units; nct dream, nct 127, wayv, nct wish but only fluff for all minors), riize, seventeen, stray kids, txt. however, i'll write for any boy group! these are just the only ones that my brain typically needs no help in coming up with ideas for. male soloists can be written for as well! (ngl, i just write for anyone i feel like, so any group is open for requests) ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- girl groups i write for: (g)i-dle, aespa, blackpink, itzy, newjeans (only fluff for hyein and haerin), le sserafim (only fluff for eunchae), twice, and mamamoo. (kard can also be requested as a co-ed group, female soloists are all able to be written for as well) (i really just write for anyone, so anyone is open for requests too)

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ you can find my male idol masterlist here and my female idol masterlist here! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ recent works: nct 2023 yandere headcannons, suicidal (yandere!felix) ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ what i'm currently working on: your touch (yandere!anton) [wip, but on hold]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ jaehyun 2024 birthday event!! [m.list for event can be found here] (on hold)

[kennysboxergf]

the boys love languages pls❤️

Love Languages ~ Beta Squad (+ others)

So this topic always confuses me because I don’t know if it’s like what makes the person feel loved or how they show love to other people?

So I’m gonna do both for each guy, which may make it shorter (sorry 🫶)

And this isn’t really focused on x reader, just in general but it could totally be applied to x reader as well ❤️

Kenny:

Starting off with Mr. Obvious! He shows his love for others through physical touch, it is always prevalent in the videos. He’s always hugging people when he’s excited, he does the ‘reaching for people and squeezing them’ thing when he’s laughing and he’s always finding ways to be close to people when they’re standing or sitting down, (hand on their body, leaning on them, head on their shoulder, etc.)

I think he feels most loved when the other person lets him touch them as much as he wants, I think it’s physical touch back as well. Also when the other person initiates contact with him first, he would be so happy and lean into the touch more 😭🫶

Chunkz:

He’s a very Giving Gifts and Quality Time man 🫶 he loves just hanging out with people and if he specifically goes out of his way to make sure that happens, they are deffo rly special to him. He’s also loadeddd, and he loves spending it on his loved ones as he doesn’t have too much use for it.

He would probably feel most loved with Quality Time as well, when the other person goes out of their way to make time for him so they can hang out even if they aren’t doing anything particularly exciting? He’s melting. He loves even just sitting in the same room, watching a movie or listening to something or talking in hushed tones, it assures him that the other person is there through all of it, even the slow and boring days 🫶

AJ:

Shows his love through insults and fights 😭 nah I’m joking, if I had to choose from one of the Love Languages I would say Acts of Service. He uses them as an indirect way to say ‘I love you’ because when he opens his mouth to say it all that comes out is violations. He’ll grab water for the people he loves, ask them what they want for lunch so he can order it, share his food with them, do their chores, the ones they don’t wanna do. He’ll complain but then the other person wakes up the next morning with the chore done.

He probably appreciates Words of Affirmation, his inability to say what he feels leads to him craving it from the other person. This may come out in a weird (rat) way, like “oh you know you love me!” After the other person is mad at him. If the other person responds with, “yeah, I do” he immediately smiles at the response before putting his facade back on.

Sharky:

Physical Touch and Acts of Service ‼️ he touches people when he can and it’s always his top priority to make sure the people around him are well and functioning. He’ll hug people from behind, pat their backs, hold their hands. He’ll help them out wherever he can. “Let me do that for you!” Fixes their clothes, cooks (orders) food, etc.

He appreciates Quality Time, when he’s one on one with the other person. Talking about anything and everything, he loves when people tell him things they may be scared to tell everyone else. Compatible Music Tastes make him so happy, but it’s not a requirement if the other person is spending time with him (or listening to songs with him anyway, even if it’s not their type of music).

Niko:

Words of Affirmation ‼️ the first of the guys so far that I think would have no problem expressing what he feels verbally. And he would prefer it too, he needs to know that you know how much he loves you. Daily compliments and constant I love you’s even if the other guys bully him for it, (they love the compliments but Niko doesn’t have to know). He’s also Acts of Service, he would do everything for the other person so they aren’t burdened.

He deffo appreciates Receiving Gifts. Do you remember how happy he got at the cat? He feels so special of the other person brings him something, it hits him then that this person is thinking of him even when they aren’t together 🫶 someone gets him something ugly asf and says “it reminded me of you” and he melts even if it’s a grinch stuffy.

+ BONUS (because they’re so underrated omg)

Filly:

He’s so Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation, he would tell the other person everything he loves about them while draped over them in one way or another. 😭🫶 (i need a filly this is literally what I crave)

And he would LOVE physical touch back, a hug or a squeeze and that's when he knows the other person truly loves him too. 

Darkest: 

He’s always violating but he’s very Acts of Service. The other person asks him to do something and he replies with a crisp ‘no’ before immediately doing the thing. Like

“can u pass me xx?” 

“Nah” *passes xx over as the words leave his mouth* 

And he loves Words of Affirmation to know that his Acts of Service Are being appreciated on the other end. A simple thank you would suffice, he passes the water and the other person thanks him and he’s satisfied ☺️

— 

This was so cute to write omg i realised my love languages on the way 😭🫶

(it’s words of affirmation and physical touch so keep sending nice messages I cry to everyone of them ❤️)

anyways requests are being worked on and as always requests are open and please come by and say hi <3

[denybunnyforgood]

Help an objectgirl out and add notes to this to play along pls!

Hi hello, so it has a problem! it gave up all orgasms in August 2022. it hasn't cum since, and it regrets it often which is something those around it thankfully keep that way! But, this means it's always seeing those "Every note is another week of denial" posts and it's like, darn, it never got to do that thingy and it never will!

Anyway, it's doing that thingy!

Here's what it's going to do. it's just going to be upfront. it's already given up cumming forever, because it was convinced that would make its life worse, and that that was something it was morally obligated to do for others.

That means nothing anyone does to this post will have any material impact on its denials, it's already permanently denied.

But if, knowing all of that, you still want to play along, immerse yourself in the world that this post has some influence over its orgasms, it would really, really appreciate it.

It wouldn't even have to be huge, like it would have so much gratitude for even one note. If it gets more, then absolutely feel free to leave replies like "Holy shit, already x notes, bet it had no idea what it was signing up for" or whatever would rly make it blush!

Okay! Please help! Thank you!

Every like this post gets, it won't cum for another three days!

Every reply, another three days!

Every reblog it gets, another two weeks on the edge without an orgasm or anything that could diminish the anguish!

Help an edgebunny be a good girl today, please! Thank you so much for your generosity!

[atalienart]

that sounds like a shit situation ❤️❤️ i don‘t think you‘re unlikeable though. it can be tough to keep in contact with people, and i think it‘s gotten harder over the last couple years for everyone (don‘t mean to minimize your specific situation). i think it could just be shit luck, but if it isn‘t, i don‘t think the problem lies deep within you or anything. i know it can feel like that though. there‘s nothing wrong with you as a person, you‘re not somehow fucked up. you‘re fine, i promise. people who talk like that (“you’re unlikeable”) are just mean because for some reason they either don‘t want to be better or they just don‘t know how to. either way, it doesn‘t sound like they put a lot of effort into building that opinion, so personally, i would dismiss it (i know that can be really hard to do though). it’s not exactly constructive. it sounds like plain petty and bitter bullshit tbh lol.

even though i found some friends for life during school, after moving away from each other, it‘s been hard to keep in touch. two of them are just dogshit at texting lmao, and one is great but doesn‘t have much time for actually substantial contact, like phone calls or visits. what i‘ve found to be integral is all of it, sadly lmao. it‘s rly hard when life is happening for everyone and bigger projects take up time and energy, it‘s been a struggle to trust that we‘re still friends despite little active friendship happening, but it‘s worth it. i don‘t know anything about your specific situation, but open communication is always a banger. if you have people you want to keep in your life, you gotta tell em. again, i don‘t know if you have and it just wasn‘t mutual. i just wanna help somehow because you seem hurt and i know that and it sucks but it‘s hard to go off of so little info. anyway. baring your soul be scary as hell but everyone has one, and usually being brave enough to do it first makes people feel safe to do it back. i recommend trying it. i also highly recommend not declaring a friendship / any relationship lost because of a potentially temporary loss of contact. people withdraw from their social circles all the time bc something in their life is stressing them out, and a lot of the time people aren‘t opposed to contact with someone, they just don‘t know how to approach them because maybe they thought they‘re sending signals that they‘re not that interested, or they‘re just plain anxious. shy. if you want a relationship to grow and develop and become stronger, if you want to build a bond, i recommend getting into the habit of making the first step. i KNOW that can be really hard lmao, the first time i tried to meaningfully reach out to someone i wasn‘t already close with it took me literal months lmfao. but i did it! and you can do it too. you really absolutely can.

idk. i think the most important thing is to be openly affectionate and let people know, even just in small ways! in can be said so so casually, you can just mention that sitting down for coffee or smth is such a nice calm moment in your otherwise busy day. or customize that to fit you however you want! just let people know that it‘s fun to spend time with them. they‘re probably just as shy and insecure as you. just small things to make them feel valuable and appreciated, so that they can understand that they really are, yknow? basically just— everything you‘d want them to do for you, you gotta do for them! and they‘ll likely happily return the favor :‘) if not, that‘s tough, but you guys not being a match doesn‘t mean other people won‘t be!

i find it hard to make new friends too. i moved away from my school friends and sttttruuuuggglllleeed for a while to make new friends here, i‘m just coming out of a shit shit fucking shit period in my life so i still don‘t have any, despite having talked with and sort of started the process of building a friendship with a few. nothing lasted for me either, and i thought it was because there‘s something wrong with me too. that‘s bullshit though, for me as for you, and i gotta try again and be calm and trust that it‘s gonna work eventually, because people do want to be friends, and if you can manage not to make yourself crazy with worry about it, then it‘s just gonna go along rather smoothly and just be fun.

i hope you can believe that, but i know i would have found it hard a year ago. it‘s true though. it could be that you‘re a rarer personality hehe, i still feel like that myself lol. but that doesn‘t mean you won‘t find your people. and if you meet someone you like, i hope you can have the courage to take the first step whenever it‘s needed. if you start like that, they‘ll likely follow and take the first step towards you when you can‘t :‘)

people generally like friendship and want to make friends. you‘re not any less suited for the job than anybody else. it takes a bit of effort though, sometimes a lot. but you can do it :‘)

i hope you feel better soon, and i really hope this isn‘t preachy and obnoxious. :|

Hey, thanks for the message. I'm sorry to hear you struggle with finding your people. But even if it's hard, I'm happy to hear that you still have someone you keep in touch with. Also, I think you're really amazing being so active in building relationships, hope it turns into something great for you one day and you find many valuable friendships. You sound like really cool, smart person ❤️

You're very kind but I think my situation really is my fault. I try, but I believe I'm just tiresome after a while. Besides, even when I do my best to communicate clearly (I really do) it seems I always end up saying or doing something wrong. I guess the braver people choose to look past my weirdness but at some point they realise it's not worth it. And I'm not saying that to sound quirky, it's just that when people constantly look at you like you're a different species and tell you you're weird you start to notice you're the odd one out xD I really don't expect people to always be there for me, I just hope for some conversation from time to time, some texting, nothing more. (And I think unless something really serious is going on in your life you can find time to answer a text from someone you say you like/see as a friend.) I really admire you for reaching out to others just like that, I always have a feeling I'm a bother. It doesn't help that initial small talk is extremely hard form me, it takes a lot of energy and brain power from me Anyway, at this point I think I'm the one who doesn't want to make friends anymore. I already gave up on trying to do that irl, it's like "level impossible" because apart from horrible personality I'm additionally very visually unappealing xD But in general, I think it would be safer to not expect anything from anyone. It's always like "hey, maybe they really do enjoy talking to me" and then it's like "nope, never mind, you really do suck". I don't need that reminder every couple years xD I'm old and tired. Anyway, don't worry, I'll be fine. I just haven't got enough sleep and I've been stressed lately, that's why I'm whining. I know I shouldn't do that on social media but here we go lol. Hugs for you!

[gothcsz]

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Chapter IV.

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY: The beginning of the end...

WORD COUNT: ~7.5k

RATING: 18+ Mature topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. Minors DNI.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC TAGS: The start of a very wicked love triangle, slowburn slowburn slowburnnnn, mentions of religion (Catholicism), porn WITH plot !!!, some characterization, other things that I'm probably forgetting.

DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS: The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized.

A/N: this took me longer than i anticipated solely bc i hate rereading my writing lol i'm tryin suuuuper hard to get javi's characterization down so i hope i'm doing him justice fr 🙏🏽 the plot is slowly getting started and i'm just rly hype for it bc i love the whole southern gothic vibe like it EATS!!! anyways feel free to drop any type of feedback/support on this blog or ao3. i'd really appreciate it <3

♰  read on ao3. ♰

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“You know, most guys woulda thrown in the towel by now.” Paloma tells him, legs steadily peddling her bicycle as Javier drives in his cruiser alongside her. 

“Most guys are idiots, querida.” He replies cooly, one arm dangling lazily out of the driver’s side window and his aviators sitting pretty on the bridge of his nose.

Paloma’s laugh rings out beautifully and he can’t keep himself from smiling. “S’no wonder they quit on you. You’re stubborn as hell.” He grumbles, thinking of the various times that she’s rejected his offer to drive her wherever she needed.

Initially, Javier’s behavior bordered on being a downright nuisance, deliberately encroaching on her personal space with excessive proximity. It wasn’t entirely due to his duties; rather, he found amusement in witnessing her irritation. The combination of her sharp retorts and accompanying eye rolls became an addictive response he couldn’t resist provoking.

It was entertaining, to say the least.

Amidst his constant patrolling, Javier got to learn more about her little by little. Details like what her routine consists of and how she interacts with others.

It’s abundantly evident that Paloma is adored by nearly everyone she encounters. Her kindness, wit, talent… beauty. It’s thoughts like these that had him second guessing how he was approaching the sheriff’s orders.

It was making him feel like a stalker, honestly, so he decided to pull back a bit. She is grown, after all, and she’s reminded him of that fact almost daily. 

So, Javier gave her the space they both need. Not following her around everywhere or posting up outside her job. During his downtime, he is able to put more analytical attention on the current homicide case. Starting with the guy that had lingered at Nina’s funeral.

He asked around, trying to get any information about a potential boyfriend or anything of that nature but came up empty handed.

Paloma grins proudly at his words. “You say stubborn I say strong-willed. I do appreciate you easing off, though.” She looks over at him and he admires how pretty she looks beneath the sunlight.

Brown hair clipped up into a messy updo and a soft, yellow sundress adorning her body. A hidden gem in this vast and obscure town.

“‘Least I could do. Helps me think, too, drivin’ around.” Javier keeps himself from reminiscing on his days in Colombia and the endless amount of stakeouts he’d been apart of. Sure, his ass would get numb and most of the time they acquired nothing but it helped him analyze any and every detail he could examine; often the copious amount of time he spent trying to piece everything together lead to a bigger break in the investigation.

He’s just applying the same technique here. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to make anything out of it all.

“Ah, so the car is your go to spot? Mine is the abandoned tracks over by Montrose. For some reason, I think better there… if that makes any sense.” The conversation continues easily and naturally. That is another thing he’s come to learn about her, Paloma is very amiable.

“It makes sense, muñeca. You shouldn’t go by yourself, though. Don’t know who could be followin’ you all the way out there…”

“I think it’s an officer that goes by Peña and I’m pretty sure he’s stalking me.” She teases him and he rolls his eyes, letting out a dry chuckle.

Javier really wants to urge her to let him take her to work but he knows she’ll challenge him.

Thinner strands of her hair stick to her neck and other damp areas of her face; the sweat on her thighs which he can see gleam beneath the hot sun each time she pedals. That leather seat she’s sitting on must be uncomfortable.

“I’m sure he’s just trying to make sure that you don’t run into any trouble. Which is why I think you should let me give you a ride to the library before you pass out and die of heat exhaustion tryin’ to bike there.” Javier tilts his head to the side to look at her and she stays quiet, thinking over his words before letting out a defeated sigh.

“Fine, but only because it’s hot as shit and I may or may not be jealous of the A/C in your cruiser.” He can’t help the smirk that tugs at his lips as she caves in, rolling the vehicle to a smooth stop and putting it into park so that he could mount her bicycle to the back of it.

Javier’s eyes trail over her form as her back is turned to him, grabbing her things out of the small basket. If her father knew the scandalous thoughts he had about her— he’d have him quartered and drawn. That does have a wave of guiltiness wash over him since the man is trusting him fully to look out for her and her wellbeing.

Which he is, in that regard Romeo has nothing to worry over, it’s Javier’s attraction to her that’s messing with his conscience.

It doesn’t help that Paloma plays into it, feigning innocence when she gets a reaction out of him. Maybe he shouldn’t be so reactive.

“I got it.” Javier insists, taking ahold of the metal handle and brushing up against her as he does so. He feels her body stiffen at the sudden touch yet he keeps a satisfied simper at bay.

“Thank you, officer.” She recovers smoothly with that intriguing timbre she uses when they banter flirtatiously.

It is so wrong yet so right of them to continue whatever this is. Seeing just how far they can take it before the inevitable happens. Javier will hold off as much as he can, really he will, for the sake of his job and budding friendship with Romeo… if she ever decides to be explicit in her demands, however, it’s going to take a lot of willpower to not give in.

Once the bike is secured and she’s in the cruiser, he hops back into the driver’s seat and begins the drive into town.

The ride is silent at first, Paloma shoving her face in front of the small vents on the passenger side and letting the gust of air cool her down. He catches glimpses from his peripheral as she digs through her bag to pull out a satin handkerchief, wiping her face and neck, then her thighs.

He can’t help as his stare follows the motion of her dragging the fabric along her smooth and sweaty skin. Almost jealous of the damn thing, imagining it to be his touch instead.

“I wouldn’t be in this predicament had my car been fixed…” she breaks their silence, peeking over at him as she fixes up her hair. It’s clear he understands the implication behind her words.

“I did volunteer myself to take a look at it, didn’t I?” Javier responds as she sprits some perfume onto her wrists and behind her ear, rolling on some deodorant and just like that Paloma’s freshened up. Now the cab of his cruiser smells like her and it’s going to drive him fucking insane.

“If I remember correctly, yes.” He stops at an intersection, finally being able to look at her properly. 

“You free Saturday?”

“You askin’ me out on a date?” Paloma’s eyes twinkle in pure mischief.

“Your dad would kill me if I did that.”

“In front of the whole town, too. Make an example outta you.”

“I’m tryin’ to steer very clear of that, so no, baby, unfortunately I’m not askin’ you out on a date. I’ve got time to stop by and take a look at it before I go in for my shift.”

Paloma purses her lips in thought as Javier trudges forward, the terrain changing from dirt road to asphalt as they near the library.

“Yeah, you can come by at lunch. Daddy’s out all weekend on some huntin’ trip with his friends so… I’ll be home alone.” It’s tantalizing, the way she drops that tidbit of information at the end. Javier is well aware of Romeo’s absence but he hadn’t stopped to think what that meant for him and Paloma.

As if there is a him and Paloma.

She flirts and eyes him like she would let him have his way with her but she is also strong-willed and and clever enough to be leading him on.

He’s just now built some rapport with her and he doesn’t want to jeopardize it. They can continue flirting without crossing the physical threshold. 

“Alright, nena, I’ll see you at lunch Saturday.” He’s in front of the main entrance to the building now.

“It’s a date, officer.”

“You must want me dead.” He huffs.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.” She pauses, biting down on her lower lip, “It’ll be our little secret.” Paloma whispers before opening the door.

He begins to swell in his pants as her voice drops into a whisper, words coated in seductive suggestion at the idea of them fooling around inconspicuously. 

“Wait, your bike—” He’s already reaching down to unbuckle himself when she stops him, leaning in through the open window of the now closed door.

“Don’t worry about it. You can take me home later. I get off at 6.” She winks at him, pulling back and turning on her heels to walk inside.

Javier slumps in his seat, head falling back against the headrest as he reminds himself how fucked he is.

When Saturday afternoon rolls around, Javier’s heart is racing in anticipation of his alone time with Paloma at the Leighton residence.

All week he’s been plagued with profane scenarios of what could potentially unfold. Partially because he hasn’t gotten laid since returning stateside but also for his unwavering carnal desire for her.

The fact that she is irrevocably off limits only intensifies his yearning. He wants Paloma so bad because he can’t have her.

That’s lead to him finishing into his fist in the shower, images of her kneeled before him with her mouth wrapped around his cock at the forefront of his mind.

The first time it had happened, he felt like a damn teenager getting off to a crush. But then it continued to happen and at that point he just let his fantasies run amuck. 

It’s not like he’d ever tell her or anyone for that matter, so his illicit imagination will continue to be just that: fleeting thoughts. Guilty pleasures only he can indulge in.

He pulls onto the property with ease, cutting the engine and sitting there for a minute to collect himself. It’s embarrassing for Javier to give himself a pep talk at his grown age, ‘keep your shit together’ his new mantra.

With his metallic toolbox in hand, he’s ready to knock against the screen door when he hears music playing faintly nearby. He follows the tune, rounding the corner of the wraparound porch to the backyard.

The music is recognizable now, a Fleetwood Mac song and his eyes fall on the girl lounging peacefully.

Paloma’s in a hammock, her long legs crossed over one another and hanging from the side. She’s reading a romance novel, he notes, from the incredibly cliché cover of a buff man with a half dressed woman in his grasp. He can faintly hear her humming along to the song, fingers tapping in rhythm against the hardcover of the book.

“Hola muñequita.” Javier greets suavely which has her peeking over her book then smiling wildly when she sees him.

“You made it!” Paloma excitedly stands from her spot, allowing him get a better look at her. She’s got on a red bikini top and a jean mini skirt. He wasn’t prepared to see this much of her bare skin and it throws him off entirely. So much for that pep talk.

It is a magnificent sight, though. Thankfully his sunglasses shield her from his wandering gaze, but with the intensity of his stare, she can probably feel it.

Javier knows her figure is divine, all the different outfits she wears both around town and on stage showcased her assets tastefully. However, seeing her in a top that’s almost too small and a skirt that’s definitely too short has those desires of his ramping up viciously. 

It doesn’t help that she’s got a dainty, golden cross necklace hanging from her neck. It rests tantalizingly against the smooth skin right above the swell of her breasts. So many things he fantasizes about doing to her and none of them holy. The piece of jewelry reminds him that he needs to back off. 

Amidst his leering, Javier notices a faint scar running from the left side of her hip up to below her breast and he’s curious to know how it got there.

“You had an inclination that I wouldn’t make it?” He returns to the conversation before it’s painfully obvious that he’s checking her out.

Paloma smirks, meeting him halfway as he descends the steps of the porch to approach her. Her hands cross behind her back and she stares up at him through her mascara coated lashes. “Figured you’d probably wanna spend your Saturday afternoon at home instead of playin’ mechanic.” She sways lightly and he narrows his eyes at her. 

He can see right through her act, not that she’s being very subtle.

“I’m a man of my word. Already been puttin’ off this visit longer than I should have.” He can’t help himself from bringing his finger up to twirl a strand of her hair, enjoying the silkiness of it against his touch before letting it fall softly against her.

If they hold their gaze a second longer, one of them will break and while Javier is certain that it’d be blissful, it would also be a mistake.

“Here, I’ll take you to her. She’s in the shed.” It’s like she can read his mind, nudging her head in the direction of the small structure and she turns to begin leading him there, in which he follows wordlessly, not being elusive at all as he gets a better look at her from this angle. The skirt is just barely covering the curve of her ass, and a flash of red is revealed each time she takes a step.

He bites down on his tongue harshly, adverting his gaze and thinking of literally anything else to keep his erection away.

He surveys the area of the backyard, not seeing a pool or any body of water nearby and he wonders why she has the bathing suit on.

Not that it should matter to him. She’s probably just tanning, you pervert. It’s hotter than hell out today.

Paloma’s humming again as she goes to remove the wooden plank that keeps the door of the shed closed, grunting as she struggles to pull it free. The soft sounds she emits do nothing but make it harder for him to show some fucking resilience.

“Do you need help—” Javier’s cut off as she successfully slides the thick piece off, resting it against the metal wall and dusting her hands off on her skirt.

“Appreciate it, though.” She flashes him a toothy grin, the wide doors creak as she pulls them open; revealing a beautiful vintage car. 

Javier lets out a low whistle, perching his sunglasses on the top of his head and placing his toolbox on the ground as he walks around the vehicle to get a better look at it.

His hands fall to his hips, circling the area slowly and shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re tellin’ me the mechanic didn’t jump at the chance to fix this thing?”

“Like you said, most men are idiots.” He can’t help but laugh, exhaling from his nose.

“S’always interestin’ to see it in practice.” He returns to the front of the car, propping open the hood and getting a better look inside. “You got the keys?”

“In the visor.” She replies, “Good luck tryin’ to get her to start. All she does is stutter before given’ out entirely.”

Javi makes a note of that, acknowledging her with a hum, already seeing a few things out of place and he’s eager to get to working on it.

Before turning to law enforcement, Javi had the inkling to become a mechanic. Plenty of his uncles worked in auto shops and he has vivid memories of spending hours there with them learning everything he could under their supervision.

Experiences he holds near and dear to his heart, it’s part of the reason why he’s so clever and dexterous.

“I’ve got some stuff I gotta get done. Try not to miss me…” Paloma’s voice rings out and Javier hadn’t noticed that he zoned out.

He glances at her over his shoulder, “I’m more interested in gettin’ to know Darla, if I’m bein’ honest with you, hermosa.”

Paloma had to excuse herself before she quite literally jumped on Javier and had him take her against the hood of her car. The way he looked with his hands on his hips, eyes focused on admiring the vehicle had left her in a trance that she was sure if she stared any longer, she would have started drooling.

Something about the promise of seeing him sweaty and greased up had her mind spiraling with different erotic fantasies that would surely send her to straight to hell.

So she properly lets him be, busying herself with a few chores she has to get done before leaving for the creek with Sloane later. It is the first time Paloma will be meeting August and she’s nervous even though she doesn’t look it.

She finished the book Slo had passed on to her in a matter of days, intrigued to learn more about August’s ideas and the concepts he’s clearly very passionate about. When she relayed this over to Slo, the middleman between the two, she wasted no time in conjuring up a plan for them to meet. Originally, it was going to be more intimate with just the two of them but Paloma stressed that she was not ready for that so Sloane was quick to make it a group affair by suggesting they hang out by the creek.

It’s why she is currently clad in a bathing suit, with the summer at full send; being down by the water seemed like the best way to spend the latter half of her afternoon.

Right now, though, she’s more focused on not trying to fuck her dad’s friend slash co-worker.

Some time passes, and when Paloma takes a look out in the direction of the shed, she sees that he’s ditched his flannel, leaving him in a white undershirt and his broad shoulders are now on full display as he leans over the hood.

That’s when she sees it. It glistens beneath the sunlight, a silver pistol tucked between his jeans at his lower back. She knows officers carry a weapon on them at all times, but the unorthodox placing of Javier’s further adds to the appeal of this alluring man. God damn him and his desirability. 

Paloma’s mind now wanders to the repeated wet dream she keeps having, the one where Javier takes her on the wooden railing of the porch. Specifically, the variation where he’s kneeled in front of her, her dress covering his face as he devours her entirely.

She interlocks her fingers in his hair and tugs at it, in which he responds by wrapping his lips around her clit and sucking on it harshly. That leaves her wailing and panting his name over and over and over again…

The force in which her thighs clench together is enough to snap her out of her delusions. She’s no better than a man, really, and she huffs to herself as she reenters the house to grab the six pack of beers, her guitar and notebook before sauntering over to him.

She’s more than capable of handling just being around Javier without thinking sinfully. It’s why she’s walking like a woman with a purpose, trying to prove to herself that she can be totally normal about this… budding friendship she has with him.

“How’s it goin’ in here?” Her voice cuts through the sound of the radio that continues to play softly. She brought it in here for him to have some entertainment before she hurried off to the house.

Javier pulls back, lips twitching up into a smirk as he eyes the beers in her hand. “Goin’ fine. Whoever you took her to really fucked it up. No wonder he couldn’t figure out what the problem was. It’s everythin’.” Back of his hand wipes sweat from his brow, some of his hair matted against his damp skin. “I thought you didn’t drink.”

“Never said that. I just said on occasion.” She reminds him, popping the cap off of two beers then handing him one. He thanks her softly, wiping his hand on the already stained rag and tucking it into his back pocket. 

Her knees almost go weak at the action, but she’s a woman on a mission, remember?

“So what’s the occasion today?”

“It’s hot as fuck outside.” They share a laugh and tap their bottles together before taking a long sip.

“And the guitar?” 

Paloma sits on the wooden chair nearby, her spot whenever she comes in here to keep her dad company while he’s in the middle of building something. Most recently, some planter boxes she’d requested for their garden.

“I figured since I had some new company, I could play something for you. It helps move the writing process along.” She kicks her sandals off, tucking her legs beneath her and laying the guitar across her lap.

“I’m getting a peek behind the curtain of Paloma Leighton’s illustrious writing process? Well, I’m truly honored,” he remarks, dripping with sarcasm. She rolls her eyes at his jest but can’t help but chuckle, taking another sip of her beverage and downing it in one gulp.

She catches the intensity of his gaze lingering on her throat, tracing the subtle movements with each swallow. Paloma can’t help but entertain the thought: does he fantasize about her as she does about him?

“Don’t feel too special. I’m always playin’ somethin’ for someone.” She sets the finished bottle aside, thumbing through her notebook until she finds the adequate page and folds the tattered front so that it lays flat on the thick arm of the chair. 

As she does this, Javier lights a cigarette and puffs out a cloud of gray smoke. “You do it all yourself?” She can hear the curiosity in his tone and for some reason, it makes her blush.

“For the most part. The band just helps bring it all together. They add the umph to it… s’not always the case, though. Sometimes I oversee the entirety of it. From the lyrics to the melody and everything in between. It’s real fun.” She begins to tune her guitar, brows pulling in concentration as her ears perk up to catch any inconsistencies until she’s thoroughly pleased with how it sounds.

Javier remains silent, his fond gaze lingering on her as he takes a drag from his cigarette. With practiced ease, he lifts the beer bottle to his lips, alternating between the two vices at a leisurely pace. As he delves deeper into understanding her, the allure intensifies, dangerously blurring the lines between flirtation and something more profound.

Something more. He’s trying real fucking hard not to see it like that. 

Javi’s never been inclined to seek deeper connections with his partners. Emotions and commitments tend to complicate matters, a burden he’s well-acquainted with in his already convoluted life. He sees no need to add unnecessary strain by entering into half-hearted relationships.

This is why he exclusively pursues sex, seeking gratification without the complications of emotional entanglements. His experiences in Colombia, where he didn’t mind paying for intimacy, epitomized this mindset. There, a mutual understanding prevailed: their encounters were solely about shared pleasure, with no expectation of anything beyond.

In the short months that he’s been here, Javi has finally began finding some kind of peace in Seminary, all things considered, and while fucking the sheriff’s daughter would be a bad move— catching feelings for her would be a hundred times worse.

“It’s a little morbid, m’still workin’ on it and it’s fairly short. S’just the chorus.” Javier nods, letting her know that he’s listening as she begins to sing.

“If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses, Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song. The sharp knife of a short life, Now I know there’s no such thing as enough time.”

Her voice is softer, southern accent complimenting her strums on the guitar and while he enjoys the electrifying performances she puts on stage; he loves hearing her like this.

Rich and smooth. Like miel (honey).

“You’re right, it is morbid.” He comments, truthfully, and Paloma lets out a breath.

“I tried not lettin’ what happened to Nina get into my writing. No need to keep dwellin’ on it but damn is it hard to keep it away. Figured I’d just get it out of my system and get back to workin’ on my other stuff.” 

“There’s nothin’ wrong with dwelling on it…” He begins tentatively, already sensing a pang of regret for broaching the subject. Once more, he finds himself grappling with the challenge of articulating his thoughts effectively.

“I know, but for my peace of mind it’s best I just get on with it.” Her shoulders rise and fall in a shrug, fingers plucking at the guitar strings again.

For the next hour or so, they immerse themselves in conversation, delving into a wide array of topics. While Javier meticulously tends to the car’s engine, Paloma remains by his side, offering her company. Amidst their discussions, they explore trivial details about each other’s lives: favorite movies, food preferences, and other basic facts. Through these exchanges, Javier learns of Paloma’s irrational fear of reptiles, her affinity for sleeping with her windows open, and her distinct preference for waffles over pancakes.

Javier indulges in the easy flow of their conversation, sharing with her his fondness for spy novels, his penchant for card games, and reminiscing about his favorite arepa spot in Bogotá.

The latter captivates her, drawing her focus entirely. “I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you lived there for such a long time. It’s just unimaginable to me... A completely different country... so fascinating.” She muses, her tone tinged with wistfulness.

He’s eager to shift away from this subject, recognizing her genuine curiosity and good intentions. However, he’s apprehensive about delving into discussions about his past work and experiences, topics he’s not ready to broach. With a brief, dismissive response, he seeks to subtly steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Yup, lotta crazy shit…” He returns his attention to the engine and Paloma catches the hint and doesn’t say much else after.

“Paloma!” The sudden call of her name has them both turning their heads to the opened doors of the shed where he sees a girl her age standing on the porch, searching the area until her eyes fall on the two of them and she beelines in their direction.

“I’ve been knockin’ on your front door like a crazed woman for the past five minutes! There’s a random truck parked out there, what’re you doin’—” When the girl’s gaze lands on Javier, her entire body language switches and he raises his brows at the change. “I didn’t know you had company. Who’s this handsome fella?” 

Javier is accustomed to captivating the attention of women, especially the striking ones. They consistently cast him that same flirtatious glance, their gestures taking on an added want of attention. This encounter proves to be no exception. With her bottom lip captured between her teeth, she checks him out not so subtly, her gaze lingering on his toned arms before returning to meet his gaze, a playful spark dancing in her eyes.

Maybe this is exactly what he needs: a diversion to divert his attention from Paloma. Despite his intense desire for her, he knows it would only lead to complications in the future.

Pursuing women younger than himself is not the path he wishes to tread, especially since he (allegedly) left his playboy days behind in Colombia in pursuit of a fresh start.

Yet, amidst his longing for Paloma and the current lack of romantic encounters, Javier finds it difficult to view things in this new perspective.

Always thinking with the wrong head. It’s his achilles heel.

“Javi. What’s your name, gorgeous?” He smirks flirtatiously, wiping his hands clean on the rag again and reaching out to take her hand in his in a handshake.

“Sloane.” She squeezes his hand gently before letting go, sultry smile still present on her countenance.

“Sloane, pleasure to meet you sweetheart.”

Paloma doesn’t like the nasty feeling she gets as she watches the interaction. It’s clear as day that they’re flirting, and honestly what did she expect out of her best friend, and now, charming acquaintance?

She’s well aware of his rapport in Colombia and the daily flirtatious behavior towards her. Paloma’s also aware of how willing Slo is to fuck anything in her line of vision. Yet, not being on the receiving end of the former is odd and has her feeling things she doesn’t want to feel.

What really has her skin crawling is the way he calls her sweetheart and introduces himself as Javi. He’s never told her to call him that.

Honestly, she probably would have felt more green if he had called her hermosa or any of the other Spanish names of endearment he’s reserved for her. 

Reserved for her? She sounds so possessive. 

Sloane giggles, “You’re the one who’s been followin’ her around all over town on daddy’s orders, huh? P, you didn’t tell me he was this hot. I woulda told you to count your blessings had I known.” They exchange a look that Paloma really can’t stand catch sight of, so she interjects.

“Sorry I lost track of time. Javier’s been lookin’ at Darla tryna fix her.” His name rolls of her tongue smoothly and this has a smug smile sprouting on his face. 

No cowboy or officer or Mr. Peña. Just Javier.

She gets up from her seat, sliding her sandals back on and leaving her belongings where they lay.

“There’s a part or two that’s missin’ but it shouldn’t be hard to get ‘em. Other than that, my work here is done.” He turns his back to the two girls and Sloane mouths over to her.

Oh my god?!

Paloma shoots her a look as Javier slams the hood of the car closed.

“Thank you, Javier, I really appreciate you doin’ this for me.” Her tone is genuine, despite the jealousy that had consumed her just then.

“No problem, cariño, I’ll let you know when I get my hands on those missin’ parts.”

“That sounds great! How much do I owe you for—” He cuts her off with a wave of his hand, collecting his things. 

“Don’t worry about it. M’doin’ this out of the kindness of my heart. S’what you do for a friend, right?” Speaking of hearts, hers skips a beat at being considered a friend and she feels her cheeks getting hot. Get a grip!

“Yeah, I guess so.” Paloma refrains from saying thank you again, not wanting to overdo it but she really is appreciative of his hard work.

Maybe she could find another way to show just how much she appreciates him doing this for her.

“Gabriel’s waitin’ for us out front, baby. We’re already runnin’ late.” Slo’s voice snaps her back to reality and she nods. Javier clears his throat and side steps her.

“Hope y’all have fun. Be safe, hermosa. Call me if you need anythin’.” Warmth spreads within her chest at his words, which would have annoyed her had they been coming from anyone else.

There has definitely been a shift in their dynamic, but she can’t quite place what it is. The bitterness she felt just then definitely a factor.

“Sloane, darling, hopefully I’ll see you ‘round town soon.” And just like that, the warmth is gone as he addresses her best friend, a wink thrown in her direction before he’s leaving the two girls in the shed.

“Okay, you have a lot to catch me up on. Frankly, I’m pissed you haven’t sent him in my direction. I mean, look at him. That’s a whole man right there, dear lord I was about to cum just by shakin’ his hand!” Paloma cringes but she doesn’t let it show, instead pulling excitement from their afternoon plans to uplift her mood.

“How about we get goin’ before Gabriel ditches our asses and we’re left walkin’ all the way down there.”

It’s not much longer after that that they make it to their destination and Paloma rejoices in the feeling of the cool water against her hot skin. She ditched her mini skirt along the way, currently sitting in a more shallow end, head falling back against her shoulders as she soaks in the sun.

She can hear Gabriel and Sloane splashing around nearby, and she contemplates joining them when the sound of her name gets her attention.

“Paloma, yeah?”

She head snaps in the direction of the voice and her breath gets stuck in her throat once she sees the source.

He stands tall, his figure slightly lanky but gracefully lean, his golden locks tousled. His eyes, a light shade of blue and captivating, hold a magnetic charm.

With a quick glance, she takes in the intricate tapestry of tattoos adorning his skin. They seem to complement him perfectly, she muses, adding an extra layer of intrigue to his already handsome appearance.

And for the second time in such a short period of time— Paloma finds herself subtly squirming in her spot, a familiar sensation stirring within her legs.

This man, though, much more age appropriate and everything about him screams intriguing.

“Depends who’s askin’.” She can’t help but tease, one eye closed and her right hand coming up to block the sun from hitting her face directly. She’d forgotten her sunglasses at home and that annoyed the shit out of her once she realized.

“A friend of a friend. May I?” Gestures to the empty spot in the shallow water besides her and she nods, “You’re much prettier than I remember.”

Eyes follow him as she lowers himself besides her, their bodies softly brushing up against one another and she shivers slightly despite the blazing temperature, “We’ve met before? No way, I definitely would have remembered you…”

“Technically— no we haven’t met but… I was with Slo that day at the library. M’August.” He introduces himself and her stomach knots.

That’s when it hits her, a very vague recollection but a recollection of him nevertheless.

“Right, wow, that feels like forever ago.” She shakes her head, gently swaying her hand beneath the water. Suddenly, she feels much more nervous. She’d spent a good part of her week obsessing over his book and now he’s sitting right next to her while they’re both half naked.

His explicit poem comes to mind and she shakes that thought away quickly before her whole body turns into a bright shade of red.

“Time is a very tricky concept. You want these?” He conjures up a pair of shades and her brows raise at the action. “Noticed you’ve been scowlin’ ‘cause of the sunlight.”

A small smile spreads on her lips and she nods, he passes the accessory over to her and their fingers touch briefly against each other and she swears she feels fireworks.

Paloma really has to stop being such a helpless romantic. That never ends good for anyone involved.

“Thank you, August. You’re so observant.” She slips them on and lets out a small sigh, her head falling back between her shoulders.

She can feel his eyes all over her, but she doesn’t mind it. “Slo tells me you’re a fan of my work?”

She can’t help the laugh that slips from her lips and her eyes widen once she realizes that that wasn’t the most appropriate reaction for her to have. “That… came out really wrong. I’m so sorry.” She shakes her head at herself, “I did enjoy the Paragons of the Sacrificed book.” Is honest in her opinion, looking straight ahead at the glistening body of water to avoid further embarrassment by looking at him.

“Don’t apologize, I know Slo has a tendency to… over-exaggerate.” They shared an amused laugh at the expense of their friend but it’s all in good fun. She feels some of her nerves lessen.

“I am happy to hear that you enjoyed the book, though. S’the whole point why I wrote it. Sharin’ new things to new people.” He explains.

“New things, indeed. You cited a lot of notable publishings. Got me lookin’ more into the history of religion… I can’t help but feel a little ignorant, y’know? So much knowledge out there and I’m so… uneducated.” Paloma scoffs at herself, self depreciation at its finest.

“Oh, that just isn’t true, little dove.” The nickname has Paloma looking over at him; he’s gives her such a warm and charming look that sends the butterflies in her stomach into a flurry. “Is it alright if I call you that? Seems very fitting… paloma is dove in Spanish.” A fact she’s very well aware of, since her mother reminded her about it all the time growing up.

“Yeah, I quite like that. No one’s ever really called me it before.” She replies almost sheepishly and he brings his large hand down to rest on her knee which has her breath hitching in her throat.

“Doves represent peace, love and purity … your parents sure did somethin’ namin’ you that.” His squeezes his grip on her knee briefly before pulling his hand back.

Pure? That’s possibly the last word she’d ever used to describe herself.

“As I was sayin’... throughout your life, others’ opinions have shaped your perspective. Eventually, you decide to see the world through your own eyes. Do some explorin’ of your own. It might take time to reach this realization, but what’s important is your willingness to learn and challenge conventional beliefs. So much knowledge out there, s’up to you to seek it and form your own opinions. S’way better than just followin’ what other people want you to think. Bit hypocritical comin’ from me considerin’ the group I lead but that’s different.”

Unbeknownst to Paloma, she finds herself captivated by every word that escapes his lips, hanging on to each syllable as if they were precious gems. His voice carries an irresistible attractiveness, his words akin to twinkling stars scattered across the vast expanse of a darkened sky.

He’s leading her to him… towards something in the same way constellations help sailors navigate the sea. 

They spend the rest of the day just… talking. He delves deeper into the intricacies of a group he belongs to—individuals adrift in the world, much like himself. Together, they’ve traveled through the majority of Texas, exchanging stories and delving into philosophical musings, united in their quest for deeper meaning and connection to something greater than themselves.

That leads Paloma to learn that he’s from Fayette, which is a few towns south, and that he, Sloane, and Gabriel all grew up in the same trailer park together. They’re the closest thing I have to a family is what August tells her and she feels sentimental as the statement tugs at her heartstrings.

She also learns that all three of them have a criminal past, which surprises her entirely and he explains to her that it was during their adolescence and it wasn’t anything major. Just stupid shit to pass the time.

She believes him without asking any further questions.

It’s not until they’re both getting bitten up by mosquitos that they decide it’s time to head back.

“It’s finally nice to put a face to the name, August. I hope I get to see you again… maybe read another one of your books?” Paloma bites her lip as they walk side by side.

“Likewise. Next time I’ll make sure to bring it to you personally. Don’t need Slo playin’ messenger and misconstruing our words.”

They make it back to Gabriel’s truck, he and Slo leaning against it and sharing a joint as they eye the duo. Paloma slips her skirt back on.

“‘Bout fuckin’ time. I need a shower, bad.” Sloane huffs, passing the joint to Paloma whom rejects it which gets an eye roll out of her friend and then handing it over to August who accepts it with no hesitation.

Paloma sees a motorcycle nearby and her curiosity gets the best of her, “S’that your ride, August?” She flips her hair over her shoulder, looking at him. He lustfully eyes the exposed skin of her neck and shoulders before nodding.

“Sure is. You ever been on one before?” Thick smoke emits from his lips and nose as he passes the joint back over to Gabriel who finishes it off wordlessly.

He’s so quiet, Paloma observes, but her attention returns to August.

“No. They look real cool, though.”

“You should let me take you home. Give you your first ride on one, little dove.” The offer is rather suggestive and she doesn’t mind it. She’s very interested in getting to know him better.

Paloma would have taken him up on it had she not been wearing the outfit that currently adorns her body. “Maybe next time.” She smiles at him softly and he nods, she looks away sheepishly as she blushes.

They share their goodbyes then she’s piling in to Gabriel’s truck after Sloane and on her way back home.

The day’s events echo through her thoughts as she gazes out of the window, Javier’s presence now intertwined with that of August’s. A sense of excitement bubbles within her, unfamiliar yet exhilarating—the attention she’s receiving is unlike anything she’s experienced before.

Two distinctly attractive and intriguing men have unexpectedly entered her life, each leaving an indelible mark. Rather than overcomplicating matters, Paloma resolves to embrace the moment and allow things to unfold naturally. It’s a thrilling prospect, injecting a sense of excitement into her life that she hasn’t felt in quite some time.

“Oh fuck.” Paloma curses as she sees her father’s vehicle parked by the front yard and him sitting out on the porch.

Looks like he’s gotten back from his hunting trip early. It is nearing ten o’clock and she knows she’s about to be interrogated on her whereabouts. 

She’s relieved that she hadn’t taken August up on his offer to bring her home on his motorcycle. Now that would have sent poor Romeo over the edge.

“Oh, baby, I feel for you.” Slo pats her thigh compassionately and Paloma groans. Dread creeps up her spine making her wither uncomfortably.

“He wasn’t supposed to be back ‘til tomorrow mornin’. Ugh, he’s so not goin’ to let this go.” The truck stops and both Gabriel and Slo flash her an understanding yet somber look.

“Thanks for the ride. I’ll call you tomorrow, ‘kay Slo?” The girl nods and they both hug before she’s exiting the vehicle and preparing herself for what’s to come. Paloma tugs her skirt down, noticing that it had ridden up much higher than what was appropriate. 

“Where the hell have you been, girl?” He asks once she’s close enough to survey him. He’s drinking, that’s never a good sign.

“We went out by the creek and—”

“The creek? With who? At this time of night? Paloma, how can you be so reckless. Especially with what the hell has been goin’ on around here?!”

Anger contorts her features, her expression tightening with indignation as he addresses her as though she were a wayward teenager, rather than a capable woman out in the company of her friends.

“And dressed like that.” The tone in his voice makes something within her snap and she crosses her arm with attitude, getting defensive.

“Like what? I was by the water and I’m wearin’ a bathin’ suit. S’that illegal now?” Paloma is so ready to go inside, shower, and get in her bed.

“Is this what you do when I’m not around? Sneakin’ off lookin’ for trouble in the dead of night?”

“It’s only ten and I really didn’t expect to stay out this long. I got preoccupied. Why are you makin’ such a big deal outta this?” She defends herself and it’s ridiculous, really, that she even has to.

He doesn’t say anything else and she just rolls her eyes. “I’m goin’ inside.” And that’s exactly what she does, walking right past him and indoors where she intends to take a very long, hot shower to help her forget about this spat of theirs.

Their arguments follow a familiar pattern: he erupts with emotion, then retreats into silence. Occasionally, he offers apologies, while other times, they linger unspoken. Paloma, however, is well-versed in navigating her father’s dramatic outbursts, having grown accustomed to them over time. It’s not the theatrics that trouble her; rather, it’s enduring it that proves challenging.

The shower runs while she takes a good, long look at herself in the mirror. 

Paloma finds herself approaching a crucial juncture, feeling increasingly prepared to confront her father in a heart-to-heart conversation. This discussion, she knows, will culminate in her revealing her decision to leave town and prioritize her own needs for once. While the thought of causing her father pain weighs heavily on her heart, she recognizes the necessity of taking this step in order to forge her own path in her life.

The steam rises from the hot water, gradually filling the room with its thick, swirling embrace. Paloma’s reflection blurs and fades amidst the steam, prompting her to shed her clothes. With each layer discarded, she feels a sense of liberation, a moment of vulnerability before she finally steps into the welcoming cascade of the shower.

[cupiidzbow]

hey. hope ur doing good :). I followed u bc ur black and im black and i want to be on black tumblr. but i stayed because I think your love for your f/os is beautiful. I did not know about the selfship community at all until I found this account and now I am a fan + supporter. I myself do not selfship (mostly bc I don’t rly consume media much).

However, I have come to an ethical dilemma I wanted your opinion about, if you have a moment to help me out. I think the specificity and thought that goes into f/o polls (ones that are like, in the morning your f/o a) makes you a cup of your favorite beverage and places it on ur nightstand. b) wakes up a little early to cuddle with you before their early shift etc.) is very beautiful and loving. I don’t have any f/os, so would it be inappropriate to reblog/vote/tag with my wife in mind instead? Thanks for your insight :)!

Sincerely, an anon whos brain takes the most complex route 🤠

Hi! I hope youre doing good too !!! WUAGHH that’s very kind I really appreciate that so much thank you !!!! 🥹

I can’t exactly tell you how to vote on polls bc honestly you can think anything you’d like really when you answer !!! The stuff I rb usually has me thinking of the f/os in mind but if ur wife irl does the same as some of these prompts I don’t really see why not !!! I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all to think of your wife in these situations !!!! Honestly go crazy!! It’s all in good fun anyway !!!! :D

[kuromi-hoemie]

you inspire me to have kissy friends i love that but im still fighting being awkward about intimacy 😭💔

for me i understand myself and the way i love p well, and being v simplistic about it the line between platonic and romantic isn't there for me if i think ur cute and cool, i am just getting to know n appreciate u as a person! fundamentally.. which ways our connection blossoms and our dynamics will come about naturally :3 i am p open though!! i am honest and love giving ppl compliments and positive feedback; there r a couple different ways i could go about being more affectionate and intimate with a friend.

one is when u just are getting to know someone as a friend, u can ask about their boundaries and let them know u r affectionate with friends!! if they are too then there u go ♡⁠

the other is becoming closer and comfortable with someone and u feel something shift in ur relationship, and u can tell them u would like to be more affectionate and if they r okay with that ask what they are comfortable with :3

the fun one is recognizing a mutual brain break going on realtime 👁️👁️ if you're not brave enough to say anything in the moment u can always confess later and tell them ur having Thoughts about them and get a feel for how they feel abt you. you can offer them More and it doesn't have to change ur relationship with each other.

the common thread is being communicative and talking about boundaries, and if ur having a hard time w emotional intimacy i think a great place to start is being more open and honest ♡⁠ wear ur heart on ur sleeve. even if u don't feel comfortable or brave enough to tell ur friends u love them, there's nothing stopping you from telling them Why u love them. i love complimenting ppl and thanking them and telling them i had fun, i tell them when they look cute and love their outfits and what i love specifically or I'll hype up ur jewelry or hair change etc; if I'm feeling sentimental about something between us i will tell u how i feel and make sure u know u are appreciated.

i don't give compliments or praise or sentiments expecting anything in return, I'm just communicating my thoughts yk? take it as is and do with it what u will kind of thing, i just like being open!! i am of the opinion that people could stand to hear how great they are more often (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) I'd like 2 think everybody likes feeling Seen, appreciated, understood, praised.

it's a lovely conversation starter but sometimes u just find someone u rly click with and as a dynamic i think practicing openness and honesty with each other on the little things makes room for u to be comfortable communicating bigger more sentimental and intimate things later on if ur friendship is going like that ♡⁠

and with the boy specifically it was a combination of things.. we already had a great friendship and we had gotten a lot closer and more comfortable with each other conversationally, but phew i hadn't seen him in a good couple months i think?? and over that time i became comfortable with myself and Very t4t, and i got a lot hotter too when i went from fem to stem and he hadn't seen me in my masc era yet lol. not in person at least

anyways his birthday was coming up and i wanted to offer him a chain like mine and to make him a collar, and i was gonna go bring him his chain after work as a gift ^.^ ♡⁠ when we finally got to see each other again oh my god lol he was in a sleeveless top w his arms out and For Some Reason i was more attracted to him than i had ever been 💀 i was trying not to stare too hard bc the whole time internally i was like AAAAA HE'S HOT HELP AKSKSKAK, BUT ☝🏾😌 I've had enough mutual brain breaks going on to know when someone's rly feeling me and i could tell lol. i originally just meant to stop by Real Quick but i ended up staying and hanging out for the evening (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) i wasn't brave enough to say anything at first but i could not stop thinking about his shoulders and upper back and neck for like 2 days straight and i had to say Something.

being deliriously horny about him i was like GIRL OMFG DON'T DIE WONDERING TELL HIM SOMETHING and i sent him this 🙈

and he was glad i said something and was straightforward bc he was also having thoughts but wasn't sure if he could/should say anything ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ ♡⁠ so we talked about boundaries and we're still friends like we were but we're affectionate with each other now too and it's a sweet way to deepen our friendship. we r exploring being sweet friends together 👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏾 butch4butch t4t real...

i have a good idea of how i want to navigate polyamory but putting it into practice and loving my friends more intentionally, fundamentally and to the fullest w my current perspective is new for me! and being affectionate in general is new to him, so I'm happy that we can be vulnerable and brave about it together ♡⁠ i can be a lil clumsy and he can be a lil awkward but i think we're very cute 😌🥰 he's a good boy (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠ ⁠) ♡⁠

this ain't exactly a guide but it's a bit of what i got going on, take what u will from it (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ to be open with ur friends is a beautiful thing and i think things tend to develop naturally. i wish u the best of luck on ur quest w intimacy 🫶🏾

[hinamie]

I would bet my two arms the piece is gorgeous anyway, but I understand if you don't find it good enough. Now, about the concept being something already done, jjk is such a big thing that I feel that's bound to happen? I've been in this fandom not too long yet I find the similar ideas repeated over and over. And I don't mind. Quite the opposite, I love it. I wish that were true foe the small fandoms I have been in for years. It's the "holy shit two cakes!" thing, but it's not just that. It's the fact that I just like some artists' styles better than others just because of personal preference, but it's also, mainly, because every time the same fonce has a bit of a twist that is uniquely that artist's, and it's always great. And you say it's not enough, but in a third person pov as a non artist person,I truly find sometimes even the small details in which the art/concept differs sometimes bring so much to the piece they make you reconsider a whole point of view, a whole dynamic, a whole aspect of the text/manga/character

I think it's like comparing translations. Two translators make trantlate the same text into the same language, but even so you can see differences between them,and a bit of the translator,what they thought of the text, the characters, the ideas, their interpretation, shines through. That's the feeling it gives me when two artists go on about doing similar concepts with the same characters/worlds. And there's so much of it in jjk for real

I don't know. I've written a lot but I just wanted to say I'm sure it's all wonderful and gorgeous, that I know/understand why you'd ask more from yourself, but that every piece I've seen of yours has been fantastic, that I always utterly adore your take on concepts and ideas, that it's one of my favourite aspects of your art, and they I love your insight about your pieces in your tags, even if sometimes they also read like you're being a bit too hard on yourself.

thank you so much for taking the time to send this <3 you're absolutely right of course, I know that audiences are not going to turn their nose up at More Content :'> and it makes me happy that u think so highly of my art and the spins i put on certain concepts ! with the recent gojo/screens art , when I drafted the sketch for it I immediately went 'no way this hasnt been done before' so I knew going in that I had to bring my a game, n i got rly discouraged when all th bumps in the road started popping up. by the end I was mostly just tired of working on it, not to mention frustrated that I had wasted a fair chunk of time on the partner piece that I ended up having to scrap. overall just a lot of headache over a piece tht rly shouldn't have warranted it

also . i know i'm too hard on myself a lot of the time but old habits and all that hdsfg it is simply in my nature to pour absolutely everything of myself into my work. it ends up being a double edged sword a lot of the time bc when things like this do inevitably happen it's difficult for me to look past the areas I view as shortcomings . but messages like this do help to put everything into perspective dsghjfh i try to remind myself that most people will look at a drawing once and nowhere near as in-depth as me having worked on it for however many hours.

idk if i said anything in all that but tl;dr thank you for your kindness and reassurance i rly appreciate it <3

[e77y]

relating to that vent, i getchu so bad. i feel like in general, the internet might worsen compulsions & obsession within ocd + etc. i have a similar feeling (wouldnt say identical cause i know u from tumblr n yaknow yaknow) that tells me everything i do needs to be 100% morally correct or [insert awful things] will happen to me or someone i love. and this is easier to deal with when you're offline, because there's a limit on the people that can get mad at you. half of the world won't get mad at you because only 0.00001% (or whatever) of the world knows you, yaknow. on the net, it feels like everyone who has an account knows you. your brain telly you anyone who has an account on here might see what you posted & they might be mad at you & they might make a callout post or whatever. even though they don't know you. which is a terrifying thought for many. i dont think youre alone in this, genuinely. and i feel it can be improved. some stuff that's helped me: - making separate accounts w private stuff (doesnt rly work on tumblr but like a private account on insta & etc etc) - rationalising thoughts (an example of this would be thinking: is it really likely many people will agree with someone being mad at me? or: how many people actually do see my posts? is that proportional to the amount of followers i have) - and talking ab it w friends. genuinely, the communication + processing of these thoughts & feelings is soo helpful. sending u soo much love <3 if u wanna chat a bit ab it you can dm me :) (ask can be published or responded 2 privately, whatever u prefer!)

Thank you so much for this message omg :’) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thoughtful. This made me tear up a little haha. I’m posting it here so I can look back at it later; hopefully that’s okay.

I’m really glad to hear other people feel the same way/have the same worry… like logically I know that it’s something a lot of people worry about, but idk; my brain has a way of convincing me I am the only person in the world who has done anything ‘bad’ ever LMAOO. So this was really nice to hear

Also I’m a very talkative person! Like I’m definitely an introvert, but I do like to talk about myself and my interests and my feelings etc. Especially when I have a forum (cough Tumblr) to post into the void 😭😭 So I guess that’s part of my issue; IRL, there are less people to be upset if I do/say something ‘bad’, and most of them are my close friends and know I don’t have bad intentions. But online, I walk on eggshells bc 1) strangers online DON’T know my intentions and 2) I just think my mutuals are really cool lol. So I don’t want to do/say anything ‘bad’ or even embarrassing in their presence yk? And online, their ‘presence’ comprises literally all the time w everything I post

I should probably make a more private account 😅 This one is kind of that (just bc it has far fewer followers than my other blog), and I have one on Instagram with like two people following it that I haven’t touched in a while, sooo maybe I will go back to that for more personal vents and whatnot 🫡 I try not to post anything TOO personal on Tumblr, anyway. I just also really like creating fan content, which sort of inherently puts me in a public space even if I don’t WANT to have an ‘audience’ (regardless of how small that audience is; ik there are people who look up to my writing, and that puts a lot of extra pressure on me, but I don’t want to stop writing, either…. Agh)

Idk this is probably overly personal and also very disjointed bc I just finished writing a 1,800 word essay and my brain is mush lol. I’m just sort of reiterating everything you said. Sorry for making you read all this lmao 😭🙏 But thank you for the kind words, seriously ❤️ I really really appreciate it :’D !!!!!!!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

a while ago you answered and ask of mine with something that really resonated with me, abt your real self feeling like it was trapped in a glass cage. anyway im taking your ask box name literally. I used to live in a world full of magic and wonder, I think we all do when were young, and then alot of awful stuff happened, it took alot, a new traumatic tragedy every month. and now the magic is gone and it feels like it was never there and wont ever be there again. (1/2)

thankyou for returning to my askbox im glad what i said helped befofre, sorry it took a while to respond i been ~in a haze--- my glass case got fogged up so to speak🩶gosh i been thinking lately i need to do mushrooms for the first time ina few years. the past month was such a trauma overload its thrown a wrench in all my plans & the world feels completely different to me now, i can barely even be online anymore it all feels so hostile to my sense of whimsy.

basically the only thing thats been getting me thru this past 5 weeks is just, going outside. not necessarily walking just sitting, breathing in the fresh air, and looking closely at the trees. when i sit outside without any distraction its impossible for me to deny that the magic is alive, objectively it is always there it extends far beyond me or any personal problem i have, it is going to outlive me. it comforts me so much to inhale the outdoors its the coping mechanism i've returned to again & again since childhood. i love feeliing like im so small im just nothing. yea i feel like shrooms cld b really nice rn..

grief is hell but its necessary because it taught me how to enjoy whats good.... the cycle will always keep spinning & the warm feelings will always return. from being an old person who been thru it so many times i trust that now. have u ever met a greedy rich person before? they have everything handed to them so they've never learned what it means to appreciate life. they're never satisfied because they don't know true despair or loss. this is not all rich ppl some still have perspective but its a thing w some, we all kno its a thing. for me it really has served my soul to go through so much pain & lose all control. Now i see every peaceful silent "boring" moment as true bliss. i dont rly need anything anymore , imo that is how death transforms & elevates

ofc it dont happen over night and u really do have to let yourself cry it out. let yourself wallow , feel pity for yourself like you would feel pity for a child who came crying into your arms. comfort yourself, get it all out dont try to hide from it. slowly the tides will turn. things will begin to stand out to you, little beauties you never noticed before. the simple things..they mean so much more once u have experienced true terror. i pray very much for your heart to heal anon ❤️‍🩹 the whimsy will return to u i can tell by the way u want it for yourself & others. U can be a guide to them thru your actions. ilu im here for u just dont give up 🌷 pmd9

[hannahbanana29]

Enhypen reaction to gn reader sitting in another member's lap

JUNGWON

Jungwon had come back from whatever he was doing that day

Maybe he was out with a member ig

He stepped into the dorm, where you often hung out w him

He appreciated your effort to make a friendship with the other members, as they were close to him

And then the friendships formed 😌 y'all got along swimmingly

Which he had NO issue with - he even loved it

That's prolly why he was chill and reasonable when he saw you sitting on Heeseung's lap in a gaming chair, playing Mario Kart (or wtvr preference)

You had heard him enter and close the door, but as you were in the middle of gaming, you only spared him a quick glance

"Hey Won, how was your day?"

He decided not to even acknowledge it, bc he wasn't going to interrupt you and his eldest Hyung learning games 😢

Besides, we ALL KNOW Yang Jungwon doesn't rly play games as much as Heeseung so

Reasonable gentleman over here 👏👏

Heeseung

Heeseung is mature, imo

We all call him a baby but

He's mature too

Basically he won't throw a fit 👏👏

He walks in after finishing his schedule

Hard-working 💪

And then you're lounging on Sunoo like it's okay

He's mature.... But doesn't like it

Sunoo, mad that you didn't buy him the mint choco he requested when you went shopping (either you ate it or if you're anti mint choco, then you were disgusted and just... didn't)

He -

He was tickling you to death 😭☠️

You kicked your legs, screamed and maybe cried (I know i would-)

😟😰😖😫

A graphic demonstration ^

Heeseung decided you looked distressed

You were BEGGING sunoo to stop, saying you were gonna pee if he didn't

Lee Heeseung is nothing if not a good bf

HE JUST WANTED TO HELP HIS SCREAMING GF, HE SWEARS

So he picked you up

He carried you away

To either of your rooms

And was a wittle bit cwingy after dat

Give him attention 😤

Jay

Jay, I feel, would have the nerve to mention what he's seeing

But maybe not say how he's feeling w words, yk?

He has entered the kitchen and THERE YOU ARE

To his utter horror, you are perched in none other than the lap of Park Sunghoon

😒 A lil grumpy, but who is Jay if not a lil grumpy sometimes??

He'd smelled the food as he entered, and turns out Sunghoon - Sunghoon - had been teaching you how to make a good curry

Or, if you know how to cook, you were giving him the tips that Jay had bestowed upon you, cause we know he's that sort of boyfriend 😋

You both had just decided to chill for the next ten minutes while waiting for the food to finish, and that was how you sat on Sunghoon's lap

Not that it was super touchy or anything

He had a weak arm on your abdomen to make sure you didn't slip or anything

But Jay was having none of that tbh

I mean, he and Sunghoon had been close for a longer time than a lot of the members

Yet, it was odd that you were spending cooking time with the Ice Prince rather than your - ahem - BOYFRIEND

That's what Jay thought

"Did you not see the chairs all around you?" He dryly remarked

You know what he's doing 😏 as does his friend

"I didn't see, why?" You counter as a joke

Jay takes a small taste of the curry, says something petty abt how it's not as good as when HE makes it with you, then leaves

Ofc he accepts the cuddles you give him later, as well as the curry bc it's not as bad as he says 🙄

Jake

So

We know how Jake is

He's always been a flirty guy

He's sometimes a bit clingy, but aren't we all???

It's putting him in a difficult position when you're sleeping tho, right?

Like, he'll normally just sweetly get the attention he deserves, but it's not easy to get that when you harmlessly snoozed on Jungwon's lap

And we are aware that Jungwon is very respectful, so nobody is playing any games

He kinda stands there for a while

*Awkward in Aussie*

And so Jungwon just explains the situation

"Don't worry, y/n just got tired waiting for you so they're taking a nap"

That was probably unnecessarily mentioned, bc it was the most likely thing anyway

Jake scoffs at his stupidity and just admires you for a moment

Not that he'd expect any less loyalty from you - not that ANY of the members did - but it's heartwarming to hear that you fell asleep waiting for him to return

AWWWW 🥰

Jake laughs and gently strokes you in order to wake you up slowly

"Oh, Jake?" You mumble

"Hi bb, I'm home. Let's go to bed and nap together, okay?"

Maybe

He picks you up bridal style to make you laugh 😭

So he wasn't sure whether or not it was acceptable to feel a little jelly, but you two had a wonderful nap ❤️

Sunghoon

DON'T EXPECT ME TO JUST NOT MAKE THIS AN ICE-SKATING HC

Your handsome, brilliant, talented, spectacular, ex - ice-skating, idol boyfriend takes you and some members ✨ice-skating✨

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LIVE OUR DREAM

Maybe you're good, maybe you're shit, I don't know

But when Hoon decides to show off, bc we know he will, you all sit in the seats outside the rink to get a good view

A lil insight into the wonderment that is Park Sunghoon 🐧

You're a little smaller than the other members tho 😔 sorry sweetheart

But that means you can gain a better perspective by being plopped onto Ni-ki's lap

How tall this boy is 🤧 LIKE WE GET IT YOU'RE SO TALL

But today you're grateful for that

Sunghoon is already a little conflicted abt the height thing as well, because our Maknae over here tends to tease him

"SuNgHoOn-HyUnG? WhErE dId YoU go? YoU'rE sO mUcH sMaLlEr ThAn Me"

Sumn like that

So sunghoon looks over to where all of you are sat so he can see your reactions as well as hear your praises

And

And

WHAT THE HELL?

He cuts the show short and glides over to you guys like an ice-walking Prince full of pride

"Yah, Ni-ki, y/n could see fine without you I think"

Well... Why else would you sit there? You weren't dumb, you could see the hundreds of seats, but the view here was not too high but not too low

And it was chilly...

You didn't grow up in the ice rink like Sunghoon did!!! 😡

When you guys offer him your reasoning, he decides you would have a much better view if he was dancing WITH YOU

No falling over, no sitting on other's laps

Just holding your boyfriend's hands tightly while he spins you both around

Fairytale moments?

Y/n moments?

Mhm 😭 so beautiful

Sunoo

Tbh, I see Sunoo as being not the most clingy person 🤷‍♀️

But that doesn't mean he won't eat up everything you serve him

Hugs, kisses, affection of all sorts 💖

If it's meant for him, he will TAKE It 👊

When it isn't meant for him, like when you were half-lounging on Jay to watch this K-Drama, he is not used to it

Wonders if he is allowed to mention it

But for the time being, gives Jay a warning through a fox glare 🦊

And then he will subtly / not - so - subtly initiate cuddles

Not that it's new or anything, but it was a lil obvious

He would inch closer and closer

Soon your legs are in his lap, your body still with Jay

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

So he gives you 'The Pout', while yanking your arm (not hurting you, dw) so that you are lifted from Jay and are now where you belong

In his arms instead 🤩

Jay doesn't care too much, just glances at what's happening and chuckles before letting it happen

Maybe you both tease Sunoo a bit tho

"Bye Jay!"

"What? I can't hear you from over here!"

"Come again?"

"We're all on the same couch..."

Give him lots of attention after that, tho

Ni-ki

So uh...

Okay

What are we dealing with?

Ni-ki is clueless

Why are you studying...

... with your body in Sunoo's lap?

WELL, Y/N? 😠

Jk, he's not angry

Just a lil lost I think

It just doesn't make sense to Ni-ki, because Sunoo is not even doing anything else

You're attention is on your laptop, phone, notebook, donkey - whatever it is you're using to study

And he's solely interested in watching your hands moving in concentration for school/work while twirling ur hair around

That should be Ni-ki's job 🥺

Lowkey wonders if this is considered cheating for a moment

Unintentional, sure, but is it okay?

So imagine he asks to talk to you briefly abt it as you take a break from your work

And asks if it meant anything 🤨

You tell him how it didn't, ofc, and that you did this w friends before even meeting Ni-ki

It was normal for you

And what he considers it is final, not whatever everyone else calls cheating

So you prompt him to speak up abt what makes him uncomfortable and what doesn't - not what society tells him to be okay with and what not to accept

And then you brighten his mood by studying with him instead 🤭

Hope you enjoyed my first post... BTW, y'all already know this but this is all fictitious and just for fun, not to be taken srsly

Obvi I don't know enhypen personally (😢so this stuff isn't real

Bye bye!! <3

[mikasa-imadebiscults]

Hi! Could I request a male JJK nad AOT matchup?

Personality: Rather aloof, rational and private loner with a sharp tongue and witty remarks on hand but I do have a more gentle and softer side when u get to know me. I tent to have one close friend at a time, many people often come to me for advice or help because of my logical approach to things. I'm that friend you call at 3AM because u did sth stupid and now u need help (and i will get there, after spending 30min screaming at u for how dumb u are and telling u that there's no way i'm getting out of my house rn). I LOVE living my quiet (some could say dull) life without any chaos or disorganization. Although I'm a big homebody I can always appreciate time spent in the nature, just sitting down on grass and admiring the wonders of the world

Likes/Hobbies: ▪︎astronomy, stargazing ▪︎gemology & mineralogy ▪︎cloudy and rainy weather, long walks ▪︎reading

Dislikes ▪︎loud noises, intense smells, bright light, big gatherings of people ▪︎childish & argumentative & reckless ppl ▪︎coffee, alcohol

Love language: quality time & acts of service (both giving and receiving)

Extra - Ideal partner: Someone loyal, understanding, and dependable. I'm autistic, so someone patient, who can openly express what's on their mind would be highly appreciated. They would also have to be okay with the fact that I don't rly move around or talk a lot (and need to rest more often cuz I get easily overstimulated)

Thank you so much in advance! Hope you're doing well and have a great day♡

(Hello! I am having a okay day, nothing bad happened it was just okay lol. Anyway hope you enjoy this and have a nice day!)

I match you with..

Gojo Satoru

- He likes your witty remarks and often times makes sarcastic comments about it.

- Teases you about your soft side

- He rather hang out with a bunch of people but since you don’t like it he understands and doesn’t force you.

- When you guys go stargazing together, he will point out stars that look like random objects (for example he’ll say something like “Hey those stars over there look like a chicken bone.”)

- Likes to hear about the advice you give to other people, just out of curiosity.

- He loves spending quality time with you (like taking you to a restaurant, watching a favorite movie or show, etc.)

- He wants to introduce you to his friends and reassures you that it’ll be okay and that he told them to not overwhelm you when first meeting you.

Eren Yeager

- He doesn’t mind that you don’t talk a lot. He likes to spend time with you no matter if you’re silent or not.

- The both of you likes to be out in nature, reminiscing on past memories. You guys will tell each other about some of your favorite past times (if you’re comfortable with it ofc)

- When you’re feeling overstimulated he’s very patient with you and will get you something to drink (if you want) and will get anything you ask him. He really doesn’t mind.

- Introduces you to Armin and Mikasa and everything went well. Mikasa was a bit cautious of you but only because she’s just protective of the ones she cares about. Armin thinks that you’re perfect for Eren so he approves of you.

Masterlist

[rocksinmuffin]

a thank you that was supposed to be anonymous

so I wanted to submit on anon but I didn’t want to spam your inbox so I’m sending it here. this blog is literally from high school so ignore the questionable content + username + bandom + the fact that it doesn’t follow you. i promise my og blog was an avid follower (I’m just reminiscing now) it’s the only tumblr login I remember + tumblr sniped my actual transformers hell account back in 2020 for hoarding usernames and won’t give it back fuck them 🫠

but anyway.

hi muffin! I know you aren’t too crazy abt pda esp anon pda but I’m a little shy. I wanted to say I started following you my freshman year of college deep in my transformers phase + I’m finally graduating. I don’t rly keep up w tf anymore (that may change when the new movie comes out lmao) but during the time you were definitely a source of happiness of mine. I always looked forward to checking your blog everyday + seeing the updates. I just wanna say thank u for getting me through that transitional period in my life. your writing would always uplift me when I had a bad day of class or I got a bad grade or I misinterpreted a social cue.

I’m going to be a middle grades ELA teacher and a lot o( my philosophy of teaching revolves around reminding my students that their writing has capacity to change lives + that it should be meaningful even if it seems silly to them… so I’m making it an effort to genuinely thank all of the writing blogs that changed my life and helped get me through my early college years.

thank you for everything you do. it’s hard to put your work out into the world and I genuinely appreciate that you do + want you to know that your writing (yes even if it was nsfw) really made an impact on me + gave me a reason to get up everyday.

——————————————

Submitted by @donnie–the–catcher

hey uhhhhhh this legitimately made me tear up. Like, this is just a silly little blog of writing that I do for fun and so it always blows me away when people tell me that it meant something to them or that it helped them get though tough times even if it was just a way to distract them from bigger problems happening in their lives and I’m just so touched.

Like, I see a lot of really petty infighting stuff in fandoms where people callout others for literally just not getting along with each other and trying to make it out like the other person is toxic for it and that’s a big part of why I don’t actually interact with a lot of people or join any discords or anything. But I don’t need to either because, like, this is the reason I post all my goofy and nasty fandom shit online for other people to see. Because what’s cringe or dumb for one person is gonna make another person smile or laugh. And that’s kind of what fanfiction is about. It’s to put your work out there and hope someone else has as fun reading it as you had writing it.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for telling me this and thank you for enjoying this silly little blog. It means so much to me. And I think it’s so awesome that you are going to try and inspire kids to write. I know I was around that age when I started writing and sometimes the push you need is just having someone encouraging you and telling you that you can.

[seiwas-interact]

HI i was gonna tag you at first but i figured it’d be easier to just write here :D i’m sorry in advance if this turns out rly long!! i just really wanna take the time to show my appreciation for everything you said on that satoru piece <33

first of all THANK YOU???? SO MUCH?????? like i literally can’t describe in words how happy it made me to read all you wrote, i was giggling n kicking my feet and everything. no but really tysm!! <3 for being so kind and for taking the time to comment on it so thoughtfully!!! it means so much you have no idea!!!!!!!🥺🥺and pls never apologize for the rambling i got sosososoo happy reading all the lines you liked and all your thoughts, i can’t thank u enough!! <33

i thought you couldn’t top the shoujo anime comment but comparing it to an indie movie scene is. so kind. ”scenes that feel almost stolen if anything” like that’s such a nice thing to say??!!! i was definitely going for that kind of vibe too so i’m so happy it came across well :’3 subtle intimacy is also like. my FAVORITE thing to write ever so i was ecstatic that u enjoyed it!!!!!

oh and the reader too!! i’m so relieved you liked them!! it’s not even intentional atp but every time i write for satoru reader ends up extremely down bad bc my love for him bleeds thru😭😭i’m sick and tired of it tbh but i’m physically incapable of pairing him w anyone who isn’t constantly like ’i love my dumbass bf’….. he deserves to be praised for all he does!! god knows no one else in that series is telling him good job and patting him on the head and giving him treats. smh.

overall i’m just. genuinely so, so happy you liked my take on satoru and love, it’s such a huge part of his character even in canon so i try my best to do it justice!! i feel like satoru would just benefit soooo much from a really sweet, gentle, easygoing love bc like you said he’s just. carrying so much weight on his shoulders, and especially after his love w suguru ended so tragically and was so heavy i just think he’d like something light.

for the record i absolutely adore your take on it too!!! how being loved makes him feel small but not in a bad way, how he feels so safe w you……… how he can just be satoru. like it made me insane when i read it bc you’re so RIGHT. i love your satoru sm, you make him feel so human and capture that vulnerable side of him so well that it kinda hurts to read LMAO… it’s just so…!!!! yeah. it’s so tender and good and achey

aaa and and and…. it makes me so soft that u thought my writing was homey….🥺🥺mine def leans more towards introspective thoughts and feelings too!! it’s just too fun to dig into your fave’s psyche lol.

anyway i feel like i’m just rambling away in your askbox so i’ll leave it there but pls just know how much i love and appreciate you <33 no need to answer this btw i just needed u to know!!!!! i feel like we all need some gojo fluff after those leaks LMAOO (i am in extreme misery) so i hope the fic could be a small comfort…… i’m just here writing sickeningly fluffy gojo content to distract myself from the manga atp…………

hi darlin omg 🥺 help we’re both just apologising for rambling on eachothers pages omg 😭 pls don’t apologise aaah!!! this is so so sweet of you 🥺

OF COURSE i had to comment thoughtfully on your fic omg it’s what you deserve!!! 🥺 it rlly tickled so many parts of my brain when it came to understanding satoru’s perspective!! tugged at my heart just as much too 🥺 i love introspective works a lot 🤧

i’m so happy i was able to get the vibe of it right too omg 🥺 as a reader who writes i think i get a lot more conscious now if what i understabd overlaps with what the writer is trying to portray omg akksnxkd but yes subtle intimacy omg 🥺

and yes to lovesick reader too 😭😭 i enjoy all dynamics but i have an extremely soft spot for when both are whipped for one another and for satoru especially !!!! our baby boy 🥺

& re: satoru and love, i think so too !!! i think that guy needs some luvin in his life and it shouldn’t be any more difficult than all the shit he’s been thru already 😭 that lil scene u added the ‘be careful satoru’ one i think omfg IT ACHED

AND AAAAH how u like my satoru too omg 🥺 thank u thank u 🥺 that’s such a compliment!! tender and achey 🥹 i do try to humanise him as much as i can so i’m glad it came across 🥹 ur satoru 🤝 my satoru 🥹🫶🏻

i hope u’re ok after the leaks!!! i’ve also just been thinking up all the fluffiest, most comforting ideas to cope 🤧 josnxkdn

read ‘i’ll relearn love at our kitchen table’ (super soft n comforting gojo!!! ☹️ tugged at my heart!!!!)