#anyways today was great i'm really happy :)
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Metaphor
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+lineart because i'm proud of it :)
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Posting all four!!
I love creating characters in certain groups, to which I give a particular style, color palette and character based on existing symbols. I, in their case, based their aesthetics on the elements - water, earth, wind and fire.
[ + Fun fact - the story of how they came to be is that I looked at the Windows logo and thought "yeah, making a group in these particular colors would be funny". In the beginning, they didn't even have any serious story, but were more of a joke characters "fantasy creatures pretending to be human". So in that version Pearl was a mermaid, Danica was a vampire (those two haven't changed), Flora was a nymph, and Cora was an angel (Cupid if I'm being accurate). As time went on, I got attached to them and started creating more serious stories around them and completely moved away from the "joke" element in it all. ( And Flora and Cora are human nowadays lol) But still for laughs, when I talk about these characters with friends I refer to the four as "windows". ]
#artists on tumblr#digital art#digital drawing#oc#oc art#original character#character art#oc drawing#original art#ocs#oc illustration#oc stuff#oc design#original characters#i love how it turned out ^^#alright time to do some christmas art before 24#still in a fanart artblock but i hope to make something soon#also i'm really happy that i can draw a bit faster than before that's why there is so much from me recetly compared to the 2023#anyway have a great day that's all from me today āØ
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s4 episode 9 thoughts
this day had aspects which i did not care for, which is why i am hoping that the thrilling tale of mulder escaping a gulag will bring light and warmth to my heart.
authorās note, post episode: i need answers i need answers i need those slugs destroyed. this episode vastly improved my day and i remembered the simple joys of being alive, such as watching silly TV shows where the characters have an indescribable bond. truly a pleasure to be alive despite it all. scully and mulder, you have shown me such wisdom.
excellent moments for both scully and mulder in this one, which i treasure deeply, and also their together moments made my heart soar. genuinely a good ep!
let us gather to watch this tale!
we begin with a āpreviously on the x filesā. i really hate that shot of mulder squished under that wire cage; itās deeply unpleasant and i imagine so was the filming experience.
after that, we journey to a convalescent home in florida. now. the last time we went to a convalescent home, i have tried very purposefully for forget what went down. so my expectations here are low.
someone just waltzed in at night and is looking at the old people sleeping with a flashlight.... is this allowed? it probably shouldn't be. is she looking for someone in particular?Ā
she finds auntie janet and says it is time, he is waiting. now what does that mean?!?!
so she takes auntie janet out and there is some man that sheās in the car with?? heās hooking auntie janet up to various chemicals. she says sheās tired of the pain and the doctor-y figure puts the green stuff into her. ah, i see what is going on here, as auntie janet hugs this woman and says she is her angel of mercy.Ā
so it looks like she died, but instead of just dying and that being it, there are oily slugs coming from her nose and mouth. whichā¦. i mean, itās better for them to come out in a controlled environment and after her passing, right? that seems ideal, all things considered. except for the fact that the oily slugs will now crawl into these people, so thatās a bummer.
HEY! the changed the text after the intro. āE PUR SI MUOVEā <- is that latin? hold on
i didnāt want to figure out what the whole phrase meant because that was part of the fun!! but in trying to figure out if āmuoveā was latin or italian or portuguese or something, i learned what the whole phrase meant and that it is significant for being uttered by galileo. darn! well, if i had to learn it before i wanted to, you shall too, i suppose. although i imagine if you read this blog, youāve seen all this before. hmm.
we are in st. petersburg. FORMERLY LENINGRAD! but no longer at this point. someone is knocking at an old russian guyās door. a young gentleman tells this old guy that āthe cold war isnāt overāĀ
damn. still rings true in 2024.Ā
and also he gives the old guy an envelope.Ā
mulder is sleeping in a jail cell. heās very tucked into that corner. it's adorable, in a certain way. someone is whispering to him. mystery other prisoner guy who can speak english said that he has been lying there for hours, and that the first time (referring to his alien injection) is ābad, very badā
he calls this alien injection the āblack cancerā that lives in the rock. this mystery man used to be a geologist! he was there when they found the fragments! woah... a rock guy... and look what they have done to him :(
okay, so this black cancer comes from the tunguska rock. got it. i am tracking the lore.
so at least hundreds of people have died here, and they seem to be searching for a cure to the black cancer after they inject it into their test subjects.
well! it is almost comforting that maybe both scully and mulder will die horrific early deaths, but at least together, right? because. the actual cancer that she probably has. and the weird creature in his veins now. theyāll have each other, i guess?
sighs. this is not providing me much comfort.
āiām not gonna die. i have to live long enough to kill that man krycekā <- YAAAAAS i cheered!!!! his dogged determination has now been set to bloodlust mode!! hey, whatever keeps you alive!!!
mystery man sneaks mulder a shank he made over two weeks. that is a very dedicated thing to do, and even more profound to spend all that time and then give it to someone else. āit is wonderful- the persistence of lifeā damnā¦. bro has me thinkingā¦. life really IS a gift, huh
back to the USA, where scully is tending to the mysteriously ill dr. sachs, who if you need a refresher, was the guy who was cutting into the mystery rock before he was mysteriously paralyzed. his blood looks a bit thickened (gag) and also there is something in there. EW!!! EWĀ
EW NASTY WORMS ATTACHED TO A GLAND IN HIM?!?!?!?!
no no no donāt care for that thank you!!!
in virginia, some people get on a bus, including an old man who is eating an apple. they are going to charlottesville.Ā
also there are some horses. the apple man snuck onto a farm with horses. IS IT GONNA BE THE WELL-GROOMED MANāS FARM???
is it the russian guy??? well, he introduces himself as āvassily peskowā which seems to answer that question.Ā
(in googling this to make sure i spelled his name right, i saw that he has something to do with "the syndicate"- is that the official name of the group i have been referring to as the UN alien people for 3 seasons now?!)
he is speaking to the woman who we earlier saw give that stuff to auntie janet, but he has come to see her! her name is dr. charne-sayre, and while i know nothing about her besides her willingness to euthanize her aunt, she seems to have handled a strange old man showing up and touching her horses quite well, because personally i would be throwing hands.
OH!!! HE STARTS CHOKING HER?? the horses are neighing with fury.Ā
whatā¦ did i just seeā¦
scully! at home!!! so prettyā¦.
skinner is behind her!!! he is MAD! he has been trying to get ahold of her all day! well, she was busy???Ā cut a girl some slack???
he says she owes him some answers about this mystery pouch. he is maaaad! he has to testify tomorrow!! he harbored a known felon!!! ooo heās gonna get in troubleeeee
she very calmly explains that the pouch has a rock with some sort of creature in it that she has been trying to figure out all day. she handled his anger quite, well all things considered. never forgetting to say āsirā.
but she doesnāt know where it was supposed to be going. HOWEVERā¦. skinner does! it was going to dr. charne-sayre!!!Ā
scully knows who this is!! because she is a nerd. said with heart eyes. dr. charne-sayre is a virologist, who has looked in on presidents and also is an authority on āvariola virusesā which means something iām sure, but itās a mystery to me
OH! it means smallpox! she has been trying to get people to destroy the last remaining smallpox vials.Ā
(WAIT IS THAT A THING?? is humanity really keeping some smallpox in some bottles somewhere???? i need to look something up after this and the adjust my levels of panic for biowarfare accordingly.
GOOD NEWS! wikipedia says the last vials were finally destroyed in 2015! that feels like it took too long...
wait. just kidding. it highlighted an irrelevant part of the article. another page says they are still out there, the ones in atlanta and russia that scully refers to in the episode. i feel no relief after all.
the ones that WERE destroyed were 350+ vials of smallpox that had just been lost????? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???
damn. i need to go down a rabbit hole later that is going to teach me some unsettling things)
anyway, skinner breaks the news that dr. charne-sayre was killed, but blames it on a horse. and i saw what went down and it did not look like any hooves were involved, so idk how tf they came to that conclusion. a choking and hoof marks are not at all comparable??
back to da gulag. a guy kicks mulder and leads him out with a bunch of other men. i find myself wondering about all of the extras there that day, how the filming went.Ā
UH OH! krycek is up smoking with one of the bigwigs of the gulag!!!! what is he DOING??? the geologist prisoner who gave him the shank says mulder has one chance to kill him, and he pulls out his weapon. OMG HEāS RUNNING FOR IT!!! does he stand a chance?!?
that dude is absurdly fast bro. he gets two solid punches into krycek and steals a truck!!! where is he going!!!
horse vs truck race!!!! who will win??? i hope itās the truck!!!
so he knocked krycek tf out and took him on the bed of the truck... that is hilarious
i hope all the other prisoners break out too :)
okay, the men on horses are shooting at mulder. krycek wakes up and is slamming the back of the truck. what i want to know is where mulder, who has a famously terrible sense of direction, is driving!!!
heās trying to hit the brakes but itās not really working!!! and krycek jumped off!!!! where does he think heās gonna go šš
no!!! mulder crashes the truck!!! ouch ouch ouch!!
well, instead of resolving that plot line, we jump to the well-groomed man (am i using his name right?) chatting with cancer man in the dark. cancer man bullies him for smoking, as if we donāt only know him as cigarette smoking man or cancer man, but well-groomed man is pissed at cancer manās various failures!! and wouldnāt you be??
oh!! that person riding the horses- dr. charne-sayre- was well-groomed manās personal physician! thereās some weird tension between these old men now that he needs the help of cancer man to figure out what went down
āwere you sleeping with her?ā csm asks, making us all uncomfortable. and well-groomed man doesnāt answer!!!!!!!! EW!!! nasty!!!! he put the mission at risk for his personal pleasure!
damn. hate when cancer man is right about things.
well, i guess theyāre both flops at their job. that should unite them rather than pull them apart.Ā
cancer man asks well-groomed man (and that is definitely going to get confusing quick) to call off "the investigation", which he says he cannot do. but senator sorenson is an honorable man. do we believe him?
i do not.Ā
somehow, cancer man knows mulder was captured in tunguska and has escaped. i donāt know how this plays into their plan, but cancer man is smirking. suspicious... i hate his creepy smirk.
okay, back to russia. we see the truck that mulder crashed and a bunch of blood on the window, which are not auspicious signs. but no one is in there!!!! the men on horses are baffled!!!
krycek is in the woods, being surrounded by a bunch of people and speaking in russian, claiming to have escaped from the prison camp. they realize from his clothes he is lying about being a prisoner, but they believe that he was accused of spying and take him in?? i guess??
OMG!!! mulder was hiding under a ton of leaves while the men on horses looked for him!!! it was giving a real peeta in the 74th hunger games moment.
so, now we are where we started last episode, with scully swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help her god. and she is reading her prepared statement. people are passing notes as she does so. and then they are rude as hell and cut her off.Ā
skinner is watching all of this go down, and as she tears into the culture of lawlessness, he does look like he kinda wants to die. but i think sheās serving.Ā
OMG!!!! theyāre taking her to jail!!!! she said idgaf i am NOT giving up mulderās secrets and that is a REAL ASF FRIEND!!! sheās in jail in her kickass outfit and omggggg what a queenā¦ crossing her arms as she stares out the windowā¦. i love her so deeplyĀ
back to russia, where some guy finds mulder under a ton of leaves, and yells at him for breaking his truck. sorry!! it was an accident. he didnāt mean it :(
the woman he is with is gonna tend to him though, because mulder has that sad puppy dog thing going on.Ā
she knows some english!!! woah!!! this is convenient for plot reasons and also fuels my determination to keep learning another language so i can be the cool side character that saves the day at least once.
she says that they kill everybody for āthe testā, and that her husband makes deliveries, so they spare their lives. but now, no truckā¦
mulder says we need to get tf out of here, the smallpox scar is tracking you. she says there is an alternative, and gestures to her son with no arms. i do not think this is a good alternative. and the husband comes back in with a knife!!! are we gonna have some hand to hand combatā¦ā¦.
krycek is sleeping by a fire, but then a bunch of people come and get him. one of them has a heated knife!!! are we in amputation modeā¦
oh. he sure is screaming as that knife is going inā¦Ā yes, it appears we are in amputation mode
scully is in jail, reading the works of dr. charne-sayre, because she is studious even behind bars!!!! i love that about her. highlighter in hand as she ponders.Ā
skinner comes to see her! āyou holding up?ā āiāve got plenty to readā awwww :( skinner cares about her :( big old softie :( and she is gonna read her way through jail :( sheās just so :(
she clarifies that this is NOT just about mulder!!!! this idiotic commission is wasting time asking about mulder and not about the pouch, the murder, the rock, or anything ACTUALLY RELEVANT at all!!!Ā
āit is my experience that lawyers ask the wrong questions only when they donāt want the right answerā DAMN what kind of lawyers has she dealt withā¦? probably plenty in her FBI time. but still. she has seen things.
āit is my natural inclination to believe they are acting in the best interest of the truthā awwā¦ she wants to assume the best of these obviously very shady men
ābut i am not inclined to follow my own judgement in this caseā <- she said yāall are so god awful not even my natural optimism can salvage this (and i love her for knowing her limits)
skinner makes a remark about following mulderās judgement instead and i canāt tell if he was trying to be hurtful or notā¦
back to dr. sachs, dealing with his rock induced injury. NO! the russian guy vassily is here! with a needle!!! what does he need that for??? go away!! i like that rock scientist!!
heās getting this orange fluid in a syringe and he sticks it into dr. sachs and BLEH i cannot lookā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. but the slugs!!! the oil slugs!!!!!Ā
NO!!! he takes the rock and unplugs the machines dr. sachs was on!!! HE CANāT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS š
cancer man is explaining that vassily was in the KGBā¦ āhow could this be? how could the russians know we were working on our own inoculation?ā asks well-groomed man, āsix of us knew!āĀ
an anti-alien vaccine! this could be useful,,, maybe? idk.
cancer man is tasked with finding vassilyā¦ but he says someone might save him the trouble
cut to scully back in front of the fancy congress slash senator slash corrupt government peopleā¦. she has had time to think about the question she was asked.
and she says she cannot answer! she keeps listing off things she can answer instead, but not about this!
OH! MULDER APPEARS!!! āanswer the question miss scully!ā (mulder voice) āwhat is the question?ā
YEAHHHHH THATāS MY GUY!!!
HER REACTION TO HIS VOICEā¦ the little orchestral flourishā¦ his beat up faceā¦ his stupid smirk. wait i have to rewatch this. LOOK AT HER FACE WHEN SHE SEES HIM!!!
she says that the death of the doctor was connected to the death of the man in skinnerās apartment, and dr. charne-sayre FOR SURE knew information about the virus. and while i am happy for her triumphant moment, skinner walks in and whispers something to herā¦.
dr. sachs has died under suspicious circumstances!!
this is obviously very important, but in the background you can see mulder say something to skinner, and he reacts as if deeply annoyed. lmaoooo we are soooooo back!!
the bigwigs on the council go to recess, and the absolute MILLISECOND that gavel is slammed, these two nerds JUMP UP to see each other, itās so cute oh my goshhhh it is for sure making my list of favorite moments this season
AWWW AND THEY HUG AND HE SAYS āgood to put my arms around youā OHHHHH MY GODDDD OH MY GOOOOD THE WAY HEāS LOOKING AT HER (and the remark about still having both arms she obviously doesnāt understand yet!!!!)
(screaming into my pillow for a solid 30 seconds before composing myself)
skinner jumps in and says āsome other timeā when she asks how he got back LMAOOO he has had ENOUGH
scully says please skinner let us go to florida for 15 hours please š it should be quick but if it isnāt please stall for us please sirā¦. and heās all āgirl just go and be fast about itā (sternly)
okay! so why florida? because that is where one of dr. charne-sayreās patients at a convalescent home died of a mysterious virus! yes, as we saw in the very beginning!!!!
NO!! vassily is here!!! can he just wander in?? is that allowed? why are people coming and going from this convalescent homeā¦? is there not a sign in processā¦?
heās going for the meds. he pockets some meds and replaces them with a decoy.Ā
āmay we come in maāam?ā mulder asks, shoving his way in <- LMAOOOO god that gag gets me every single timeĀ
so they need to look at the elderly, and scully reports that this dude she just walked up to is dead. and he sees another one with the slugs!!!
these people are test subjects, he says!!! and they have to deal this building right now!!
no!!! vassily was laying in a bed and heard all of this!!! what is this mischievous fellow up to???
mulder says all of this can be traced to one man. and scullyā¦. oh my gosh, the side profile, my heartā¦ā¦Ā
IS KRYCEK WORKING WITH VASSILY?
scully and mulder go to visit the leader of the militia they busted krycek with at the beginning of last episode. scully looks so good iām actually going to gnaw my own arm off holy fuck. that blue trench coat and grey suit combo is lethal.
so this criminal is denying finding krycek in a missile silo, and said krycek came to him. looking for help to make ādevicesā, and talking about this black cancer developed by the soviets, and used in the gulf war. so how did he get out of the silo....
OH! mulder asks where the other ādeviceā (bomb) ended up, and when the militia leader says āi ate itā, he punches this guy in the stomach and puts him in a headlock. and then he says some very out of pocket things i am not going to repeat, but the point is: krycek took the bomb and put it in a storage garage somewhere in terma, north dakota. ah! the name of this episode is finally understandable!
āscully, get on the phone and get the license numbers for any two-ton trucks stolen in north dakota in the last six months, then call canadian border authorities and have them stop any vehicle fitting that descriptionā (said while gazing into her eyes)
(this line killed me for some reason and i canāt even explain itā¦ just such an odd series of commands out of context!)
āsomeone used krycek, then krycek used us; someone who didnāt want that rock in american handsā ah. so this whole thing has been a set up. you see, i was too busy thinking thoughts like āi hope he gets out of the gulagā and also āman, i hope scully doesnāt go to jailā and ālook at how they hugged!ā to put that together. sometimes i am a simple viewer making no conclusions about the grander plot at hand! sometimes i am surface level! i am multi-faceted!
vassily is gonna put the rock back in the ground under the guise of fertilizer for his tomatoesĀ
WOAH!!! agents in a helicopter :0 they look so goodā¦.
mulder is trying to scream over the loud noise of the helicopter doing its thing, which i imagine had to be an awful time to film. scully wisely just nods her head instead of attempting to communicate with words.
haha his hair is all messed up from the helicopterā¦ heheheheā¦
so heās looking in the truck for any sort of rocks or bombs or whatnot. he sees some pipesā¦ he is forming conclusionsā¦
scully disembarks from the helicopter, and her hair is all messed up too (my heart!) as she climbs over a fence to get into this refinery. one thing about these two is they are gonna climb some fences!
vassily sees this going down and hidesā¦ā¦ mulder is reaching into the pipeā¦. trying to grab the hidden rockā¦ he is covered in oil!!!!
and it blowed up!!!!!!!Ā
no!!!! scully sees the explosion,,, and vassily sneaks up behind her and puts her in a chokehold!!! he grabs her gun!!! he says he will kill her but he doesnāt want to? and that his work is done.Ā
damn, now sheās gotta get a new gunā¦ā¦
sheās RUNNING to mulder who is soaked in oil and has barely escaped the explosion. she is picking him up and thenā¦ cutscene to more testimony stuff.
GIRL IS HE OKAY???
i love when they save each other <3 i love when they have to pick each other up and drag each other to safety <3 i love the panicked screaming of the otherās name <3 i love the fast and furious assessment to see if the other is okay <3 i just love these things <3
scully has evidence to present: linking a number of deaths to a biotoxin brought onto US soil! and the man who delivered it also died! and that guy was the man who krycek pushed off skinnerās balcony!
āalex krycek, who is missing and possibly deceasedā oh i know better than to believe his ass is dead
the council is whisperingā¦Ā
they laugh at the idea of extraterrestrials, and mulder also comes to the standā¦ what is he gonna doā¦
āwhy is this so hard to believe?ā he asks. hey i know youāve had a rough go of it man, and there is literally an alien slug in your body, but she was doing so wellā¦
oh! heās going on and on about how obvious it is that extraterrestrial life forms exist!! and you need to understand this or else you are denying crucial evidence!!!
ah, i see now why the opening text. just as galileo spoke of the earth rotating around the sun but was scorned, so mulder speaks of aliens and is met with disdain. and yet, the earth continues to spin, and the aliens continue to be in his bloodstream.
āthis is not why we are here todayā āthen why ARE we here today?ā okay parallels i see you!!!
they recessā¦ and cancer man stands up in the backā¦ā¦..
back to russia, where vassily is returning home, insisting he is retired to someone in his room.
OH! ITāS KRYCEK! WHO IS ADDRESSED AS āCOMRAD KRYCEKā broā¦ he is congratulating vassily on a great jobĀ
and omgā¦ heās got a prosthetic armā¦ they really sawed his arm offā¦
back at DC (home) the senator is reading files and passing them to cancer man, who is tossing them in a bin??? presumably to burn??
HUH! so much for an honorable man.
okay, so much happened here. let me go in order of which thoughts are loudest.
first of allā¦ did they know this was gonna be what they did with krycek from the start? just asking because i want to know if āneeds to be fluent in russianā was on the casting call for that role or if they sprung it on him later. because that would be wild.
krycek, working with the sovietsā¦ huh. interesting implications.
second. the alien!! there is alien oil slug in krycek AND mulder now!!!! what is that going to do to them? are they gonna turn into living flash bangs like that one lady did in that one episode?? is it gonna slowly kill him? will be and scully slowly die together? i canāt imagine such a horrible thingā¦.
third. their reunionā¦. damn it, it was so sweet. the way they INSTANTLY got to their feet when the recess was declaredā¦ the way he wrapped his arms around herā¦. oh man. oh man. and the smilesā¦ the smilesā¦ā¦..
so far, s4 has not really been my jam. but this episode was really good and has given me hope that soon we shall be cooking with gas, in terms of both very juicy plot advancement and special agent bonding moments. i mean, come on, lifting him out of that explosion while he was covered in oil??! i cannot get enough of that!!!
is he going to hide that he has an alien slug in him?? is he going to be that guy in the zombie movie who acts like he didnāt get bit?? or is he going to be honest and tell her?? will she try to find a cure? wait, does he even know what happened?? because he was knocked out when all of that went downā¦
and what about scullyās mystery illness!!!! is she going to be okay?? are they going to be terrified for each other??
okay, okay, one thing at a time.
so, thereās an alien virus in a rock that landed on earth during the tunguska event, and the americans were working on a vaccine to protect against it. but somehow the russians knew about it, and that is likely due to krycek, who was a double agent on like three counts. they killed the leading expert on the virus in order to prevent a vaccine from being developed, and have previously used the virus in biowarfare (so i guess gulf war syndrome is alien slugs in this universe?). the guy that krycek threw off of skinnerās apartment was the one who was meant to receive the rock containing aliens, but was killed, and said virus rock was intercepted by the russians, who are having a sort of cold war 2.0 moment. over alien slug virus. which, if exposed to, will eventually kill you; why it killed dr. sachs and not all of the other men who were at the gulag is a mystery. and to try and protect the americans against this virus, the leading expert, dr. charne-sayre was testing on the elderly. and cancer man wants to cover up all of the evidence which scully and mulder have presented linking all of the deaths to the rock.Ā
okay. i think i got most of the lore down.
i want to know what happens next!!! but i am no fool!! i know we will be given random monster of the week episodes which are also excellent but tell me nothing about the plot!!! and now that weāre dealing with alien slugs, iām wondering, what about the actual little green men? where do they come in? is this a third type of alien? because we have the little green men weāve seen glimpses of, sometimes mixed with human DNA; weāve got the aliens that were clones from that species with the poison blood and can only be killed with the needle to the neck; and then these alien slugs. and also a few other random non-central to the plot alien life forms, like the ones in firewalker and ice.
where is the common thread?? how can they tie all of these up?? would tying all of these mysteries up even be satisfying?? or is it better to let some things be a mystery?? did chris carter have plans for all of this overarching stuff, or was he making it up as he went?
so many questions! but for me, basking in the warmth of their hug is my highlightĀ
#i love how they did not answer the question āhow did he actually get homeā and i was so caught up in the euphoria#of seeing them be reunited i didn't even bother to ask that question myself#until i was proofreading my notes today#wow... i see how easily fooled i am from plot holes with simple tricks such as āmake the main characters talk and people will ignore itā#what a fool i am! or not. hey listen sometimes i'm in a noticing things mood and sometimes i'm not#anyway. a really great episode. had they not hugged i would probably have said it was too much at once.#but they hugged so i'm satisfied. and we got some good character moments for both of them. REALLY good.#so i'm happy!#juni's x files liveblog#4x09#the x files#txf
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[Start ID. A dark, warm-toned drawing of Tundra, a robot with bladed legs and mechanical hands both lightened by frost, and a face like that of a fencing mask. She wears a blue jacket with a fluffy white ruff and pockets on the shoulders and chest, a long green skirt with tassels and pale wavy lines at the border, and a brown belt with a pouch at the side. She's shown from the right, leaning back on a stack of pillows and a wooden wall as she looks out to the left, disregarding the open book in her hand, her legs bent in front of her. Under her is a yellow and red rug which pads gritty flooring, over her are series of low, round string lights, providing soft lighting in a room that's partially open to the night sky.]
it's a friend's birthday today yet again... in honor of the occasion here's a Tundra for @automatonknight :]
#peridots-art#tundra lisa#< for lisa the hopeful? not sure if it's right to add that but thought she could have an extra tag...#mieczmaszyna#< been a while since that url... speaking of older names (one from around this time last year) you'll never guess what she's reading hehehe#@qwerty second year in a row of drawing a guy for you yippie!!! i really like tundra's design AND i really like drawing cozy scenes like#this so. even if it's a small drawing and didn't take that long i'm happy it turned out well!! actually finished it quick enough that i had#to wait for it to turn 12 in my timezone to post it :] anyway all of your characters are so dear to me and if i don't end up personally#telling you later i hope you have a great day today!! ok well that's all i think + goodnight :]#others' ocs#< ok i DID miss a tag but i haven't used it in a while! now that's one i need to see to using more often hehehehehe#OH JUST REMEMBERED TOO. i was eating pierogis near when i first began drawing this. poland moment (???????)#peridots-described
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Doing great
#if you just arrived here ā¦ hi my favourite musical has a movie coming out this year and I'm going bananas#and today they released a poster mimicking the stage production's poster . i'm emosh#at first i had major doubts because of Ariana Grande but oh my goodness she's proved me wrong !#i'm just beyond happy that one of my favourite things in the whole world is getting such a sweet treatment and care#you can tell the people working in the movie are really passionate about this story c':#ANYWAY !!! doing great dw !#wicked the musical#wicked movie#illustration#my art#artists on tumblr#art
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i want to scream i want to scream i want to scream i want to scream
i'm going fucking crazy my mind is about to explode i don't know how to get out of that
#nothing makes sense#like yesterday was really great#i did things#i felt happy#and today#my greatest achievement is a shower#my parents make me tense#life makes me tense#i have too much to do so i can't do anything#i'm behind everything i had to do#i feel like shit#why can't i just do things?#why everyone else can and i can't?#why am i that fucked?#why is everything so hard?#i just feel like i want to diseappear#like#everything is too complicated#why should i bother#i'm gonna fail at life anyway#i just want to scream until i feel better#i want to do so many things but i never can do anything#why do i suck?
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I adore Luzu, so it really warms my heart that when he was mentioned today when Phil was asking about La Velada, not only did PHIL get super excited and emphasize his support for Luzu, but Chat also got excited and hyped him up. All us crows love him so much, even though we only saw him interact with Phil once :') I hope that now his training is over, he can log back in and they can hang out again
#i talk#qsmp talk#I was MIA all day today so I was watching the VOD#I'm so glad someone brought up Luzu's fight and La Velada to Phil I was thinking nobody would#I'm really happy#I gotta stop watching now though because my stomach is killing me#MAN I wish these stomach / abdominal issues would go away#Luzu te extraƱo#come home#I saw Cellbit wanted to see Luzu in the game too and I'm like YESSSSSSS#Luzu loves doing lore so much he'd get along SO well with Cellbit#I didn't even consider that until now#I'm talking cc Luzu and Cellbit#their characters... might not#it depends ENTIRELY on how their first meeting goes#Anyways I'm very emo about the whole La Velada thing for many reasons#but also because I straight up thought Luzu won#they suddenly they were like no he didn't#apparently I'm not in the minority thinking this though#I was like ''well maybe my boxing knowledge isn't great''#but no#once again... another tournament with issues#and bias#and a heap of other problems I wont' spend time catching up on because YEESH that sounds like a mess#glad Luzu and the other CCs had fun though
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (ļ½”ā¢Ģį“-)ā§#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows š#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ĀÆ\_( Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)_/ĀÆ#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdĆ„Ć„Ć„#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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Sometimes I find myself thinking back on my first stint of work as a camp supervisor for summer camp geared towards autistic and psychotic kids when I was 21 and just like. Hoping M. is doing fine. I'm sad that I didn't have the experience then that I have now because the way I handled conflict with him was not great, and I wish I'd thought to apologize for it in the brief time we saw each other afterwards
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#Looking back that week of work and M. in particular were one of three experiences that changes.how I interact with children and teenagers#forever and imo for the much better#I'm still not perfect#I yelled at my year 7 the other day and really snapped at the y8 today#which to be fair they did have a hand in it but still you know#I'm the adult there if anyone's going to be able to regulate their emotions it should be me#but anyway#overall I have a great relationship with my students and I'm very happy about it and part of it os due to M and looking back#on the things I did wrong with him#... I kinda want to tell that story now tbh x)#might get me some angry anons but overall i really value it for what it taught me#even if it doesn't cast me in the best light
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#delete later#feeling really........bad#like actually so not good#and i know its because my period is coming today or tomorrow#but i am. really not well atm and i am so tired but i can't sleep and i feel weird and not part of myself#and i'm so tired im so tired im so tired#i am so happy with my life and where it is#but i want to sleep for a couple years maybe#maybe longer idk#and like i'm gonna be fine#but. i am. not great rn#and i don't even have anyome to talk to about it because it's fucking 4am#anyway. whatever.
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ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.
#experienced Real grief and heartbreak for the first time in my life#lived alone for most of the year and really Grew Up because of it#lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing)#learned a lot about art and life and myself and what it means to Be Alive.#was this year objectively bad for me??? look at all my personal posts honey.#but i feel like i've Grown so much and i'm really proud of myself not Despite everything that happened but because of it#i'm not ashamed to have loved and made choices and to have been wrong about So Many Things!!! i am so young and always learning!!!#i feel like Myself for the first time in Years. and for the first time since i can remember i genuinely feel Fine.#a lot of things are bad and i have bad days (today was one of them) but!!! i am hopeful and i am Determined to survive and be happy.#i do not have to be great!!! i do not have to be good!!! i simply have to be and that is enough!!!#one thing i said this year that haunts me is when the person i was in love with told me i was being silly for having a panic attack#and i responded with 'why should i feel silly for experiencing true emotion?'. and that's just really guided me since i said it.#ANYWAYS. insane year for me. this time last year i was madly in love and denying So Much and this year i am Accepting and loving what i have#this has been the return of isaac's insane personal posts. which are happening So Much Less due to the healing but hey!! we ball!!#i love you friends who live in my phone <3 if you're still reading happy new year and may you find whatever you're searching for <3
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i did it!!!!!!!! i finally finished wuthering heights šš»šš»šš»šš»
#really good book. FAR from my favourite but it's great#got a bit tedious at times but i think that's because of the way it's written. maybe it's not for me and that's ok#i'll do the other poll later today so you choose a classic 4 me bc we know i can't choose#after that one i'll for sure read tsoa to take a little break from classics and the one that comes in second might be my last of the year#might ask for a contemporary one for my birthday. to read next year#anyways i'm happy#cami.txt
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oh no a new kink has been discovered but not for me
#my eyes were blessed on my adventure to the dollar store today.#i certainly never see this very often but... the cutest guy was going down the same aisle as me#and now i only know these next facts because i'm an honest girl with kind intentions#but this cute guy was wearing the cutest dress and i'd asked him where he'd got it from#(probably shouldn't have bc i bought it as soon as i got home even tho i just bought a bunch of other dresses)#so we started talking a little bit and he goes āyou're really not curious?ā#and i'm like āwell yes but like... i don't want to make you uncomfortable accidentallyā#and he's like āig that's up to me to decide really but thanks anywayā#and it's like he had the spiel ready bc he's definitely had people ask him before#i'm not great with the terminology but he says he's a cis male who likes chicks and dudes and also loves crossdressing#and i've legit never spoke with nor seen someone so comfortable and happy in a conversation like this#ntm GOD he was so attractive in that dress#and OFC he already has a girlfriend!!! ;-;#anyway... that's the thing i discovered about myself#crossdressing men hits differently when they're in front of you vs in a pic online#i mean they're pretty there too but in person??? it's been HOURS and the butterflies still be flappin#his gf is lucky........ *kicks rocks*#god i need to dip my toe in the pool.#ā¦ nc vb.
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damn i wish i was one of those bp people who feel well rested on 3 hours of sleep. i am so tired and i want caffeine but that'll make me tweak
#i have a psych appointment today#evil psychiatrist wants to put me on evil medications#<< mostly kidding but there is a hint of truth to it#give me lithium or give me death#i honestly don't WANT to be medicated right now š i'm fucking happy for the first time in a long time#my energy level fluctuations are crazy though#anyway is it really bp mania if it was triggered by drug use#the worst that's happening is i'm obsessed with makeup and inflated self esteem#also i want to shop. but i keep myself very controlled#some days are bad because im so irritable#but i have the confidence to text friends i haven't seen in years. is that so bad???#yes bp just gets worse with time I KNOW THAT but as someone who experiences depression 90 percent of the time i just want to fucking vibe#for a bit before getting medicated#bpthingz#cello.txt#i feel like i took an adderall#but it lasts all the time. and it's great#THE CRASH IS ABOUT TO BE CRAZY#stay tuned
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#tag talk#had another great interaction today at work.#a customer called in and was like āI. have. a. brain. injury. so. I. speak. really. slowly. and. I. need. you. to. speak. slowly. as. well.ā#so anyway we had a nice and slow conversation about what she needed and she went off on tangents about her story and injury#and about how it had affected her life and how her family was really shitty about the disability and super invalidating about it#and anyway it brightened my day cause the kind of disability empathy I've learned on here came into play even just in our conversation#idk. I love making connections with people and I love communication and the empathy links that we naturally form between people#ultimately it was a net zero in terms of her actual issue and she was planning on coming in person anyway#but I'm glad I got to have that interaction and get to know her even just a little bit.#not giving too much information because even though I'm not in healthcare rn hipaa is still wired into my brain#and part of maintaining and respecting dignity is not sharing someone else's information#but it was a joy to talk to her and she seemed to really appreciate it as well.#rip the rest of my department cause we got a line right as I hopped on the phone and it was a half hour conversation so they got slammed#but I had a good time at least.#it reminds me that I really want to get back into healthcare because that's the kind of thing that really makes me happy.#taking care of people and being there when they need to talk and be heard.#I also had a phone call where my dept. supervisor didn't handle it well and she ended up crying and needing to go take a break#and the customer called in again and I got her and like. idk what it is but I just disarm angry customers really easily.#so she was very aggressive at first but ended up being very pleasant with me by the end.#idk what it is but a coworker even mentioned it because we were talking about getting bad customers#and I was like what are you guys talking about all my customers are really nice even the grumpy ones are nice to me#and she was like āI don't know what it is but mean customers turn nice when you deal with themā#and that's just so validating. having someone else comment on my ability to communicate to even angry people.#my ability to bring someone else over to my way of thinking. the ability to go over to someone else's way of thought and then work with them#conflict resolution is collaborative. it's not just a battle of wills. it's about explanation and compromise and bending not breaking#I love people. they're beautiful and stupid and charming and everyone has their own divine spark.#idk. I'm a hopeless optimist even when I'm depressed and angry I can't help but love people.#anyway. thanks for being the void I yell into.
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I can not stress enough how much this man is flirting with you. I'm in physical pain watching you say he's not into you. š©
Man idk what to tell you lmao he's probably not
#not snz#this is normal behavior i think and I'm just being weird about it ahskamsk#stole his jacket tho š#he still has a sweatshirt so it's fine I'm not killing the guy lmao#but i never bring sweatshirts or jackets anywhere unless it's for outfit purposes#all my coworkers hate it they throw sweatshirts and jackets at me frequently when it starts getting cool lmao#i never really feel cold but i have raynaud's so it looks like I'm dying if you look at my hands#also like millions of other people worldwide my nose runs when it's cold so that doesnāt help my case#oh my god wait maybe i do the 'my hands are cold feel' thing on him š#nah I'm too much of a pussy bitch for that ahdkakskal#this is so fucking funny i haven't done that since high school lmaooo#usually either my coworkers will just grab one of my hands and feel for themselves#or i harass them by putting a hand on the back of their neck like an ice cube lmaooo#it's great in the summer bc my hands are always cold they're just worse in the winter#anyway let me stop being insane ahdkaksk#oh also unrelated but I'm waiting at ine of the food trucks rn so y'all already know I'm happy about that lmao#this is the fourth time today ahdkaksla i need to Stop on all fronts#partner posting
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Head in my hands wondering if I'll have to cut the entire Chume Labs section out because it's more suited to being a different chapter, but also knowing the next chapter can't have it either so I might have to cut it from this fic entirely aaaAAAAAAAAAA
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#i talk#fic talk#I was thinking I could stay up a while and try to finish this chapter so I could maybe post it tomorrow#but this is really eating me up#On the one hand... a solely Fuga chapter would be great#on the other hand... this chapter is supposed to show their growth from Fuga to the Chume Labs era#(even if it IS 99% about Fuga)#because that's what the chapter's theme is about#Agh#I'll keep chipping away at things regardless#Anyways for folks who like numbers#so far of everything I've already written / edited I have 5588 words#If I solely make this a Fuga chapter there are 1135 words left in my draft#meaning the final total of the chapter will be around 7000 words more or less since I tend to add a lot more stuff when I'm editing#I've got 1870 words (approximately) written for the Chume Labs section#which means if I do the entire Fuga + Chume Labs part this chapter will probably be just under 10000 words#@ __________ @#Maybe I should split this chapter up and make the Chume Labs part an interlude#Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm#Or maybe I'll throw it in Chapter 4 after all. Hell I dunno#We'll see how I feel once I finish editing all the Fuga stuff#I'm pretty happy with the Fuga stuff though but oh boy did it kill me#I think the reason I'm waffling about the Chume Labs bit is because technically it wasn't supposed to be included in this chapter#I had the idea two (?) ish weeks ago and went ''Wait that's a great idea to add''#which is how 99% of my writing goes and is one of the reasons why everything takes so long lol#But anyways. Yeah it's looking like no chapter update today (or I guess tomorrow depending on your timezone)#Sorry guys!#But it's almost done
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