#anyways realizations are sinking in i dont feel great

[pussyslaycatboy]

the bone crushing realization that im pretty sure my mom is doing everything she can to cut me off because i remind her of my father

[raspberryjellybrains]

now how the fuck am I gonna get all of the gifted kid issues and none of the perks. I just get to second guess myself at every turn and feel either way over- or way under-qualified for every single thing ever. meanwhile all the adults in my life are telling me that I am going to singlehandedly live out all of their dreams and fix all of their problems and my peers tell me I'm not special and am, in fact, a freak and a loser. with none of the academic support! how does this even HAPPEN-

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Hi, I just found your blog, and I love your Simon's fics! I was wondering if i could please request something where Reader and Simon had broken up bc he thought he put her in danger. After a few months, he comes to her after a mission and they spend the night but he leaves before she wakes up thinking hes doing whats best (and all that angsty jazz 🥲🤭) . A few weeks after she finds out shes pregnant and decides to take on her own, as reader thinks simon wouldnt care. But maybe one of the guys see her heavy preggo and tell simon, and hes fuming and super protective mode is on.

Sorry if it is too specific and for the terrible english. I just have this idea, and i dont think i can picture it right. Anyway, thanks for reading this and for your good work on your fics 💗 hope you have a lovely day

—Digging Gaze

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [You indulge in a one-night-stand after you'd both called it quits, only, it leads to more problems. When he sees you again, how will he react to the swelling of your stomach?] ❞

You knew it was the effects of a less-than-gentle breakup, but you should have at least cursed him out before you let him have his way with you on the living room couch. You’d woken up back in bed, alone, and had gotten dropped back to where you had been weeks earlier—stuck in the throws of confusion and hurt. 

Simon had left you, and he never gave you a reason. 

A part of you was heated; pissed off and feeling betrayed by the insult, yet, the rest of you knew that Simon needed to have his reasons—he always did. Even if you didn’t agree with them, and you knew he tended to look at life with a glass-half-empty type of glance. 

So that left you here. 

You were pregnant. 

You’d found out two weeks after you’d slept together for that last time, your cheeks still hot from the memory and your fingers clutching the plastic of a test. 

Pregnant.

It had been a shock, a deep panic. The both of you had been reckless. Stupid. And while you had stared at those two pink lines, you felt a sinking in your gut akin to a drowning ship. Should you tell him? It would be proper, of course. 

But you don’t think you can face him again after you’d awaken to an empty bed—as if your entire relationship had only been about sex and not the deep nights of confessions and soft brushes of skin. You knew Simon Riley better than he probably knew himself.

And you wouldn’t put this on him.

At seven months, you couldn’t walk as much as you could before—and you would huff for breath as you went up the stairs to change the sheets—but who else could do it but you? Shopping also fell to you, and so, you pushed a large cart around and packed the metal basket with cravings and necessities. That was when you fell to a familiar face. 

“Johnny?” You ask, blinking. 

The Scot pauses, turning. His brows furrowed for a moment before a kind smile peeled his lips back.

“Hen!” He comes closer, laughing. “Well, I haven’t seen you in a good minute, then. What have you been up to in all—” 

The man freezes at the sight of your stomach, jaw going slack as you fight an internal war with yourself to say pleasantries and leave. 

“Hell,” Johnny clears his throat. “I guess you’ve been doin’ a great deal.” 

You sigh, shaking your head softly. “Thanks, Johnny.”

“I’m just joking, Little Lady.” The man laughs and waves a hand. “Who’s the lucky man then? I’ll have to meet him one of these days.”

Your face blanks and your lips snap shut in an instant. 

Blue eyes wait for an answer as the silence laps over itself. Slowly but surely, the realization dawns on his face in a tight pull of horror.

“You can’t tell him,” you interrupt his tight gasp. “Not a peep, MacTavish, you hear?”

“What the fuck,” he breathes at you, hand coming up to his mouth as he glances down at your swelling bump. “Holy hell.”

“Johnny,” you snap, his eyes jerk back to you. 

“It’s bloody Ghost’s—”

“You can’t,” you growl, coming closer, “tell him.”

“What do you mean I can’t tell him,” Johnny hisses under his breath, looking at the people passing by and lowering his tone. “You’re pregnant and he doesn’t know!”

“That’s the point,” you ease out, exasperated and feeling drained already. Jesus, you needed to go lay down—your back was killing you. “Johnny,” you breathe, growing softer as you reach out a hand and put it to his arm. He grips it and holds on, looking incredibly concerned. “He doesn’t need to know, okay? That’s a lot of stress on him, and you know what he does for work. Even worrying about me was hard on him, what do you think a child would do?”

“You can’t think like that,” the Scot mutters. “He can help—what, you mean to tell me you plan to do this by yourself?” It isn’t malicious how he says it; Johnny’s worried about you. Incredibly. “Hen, no,” he shakes his head. “No, you can’t.”

“I can, Johnny,” you frown, dread filling your heart. “And I will.”

In the future, you really had to take into account Johnny’s flapping lips when under the spell of alcohol. Maybe you had enough faith in him to watch himself for the last little while of your pregnancy as he had into the latter half of the eighth month.

And then three firm knocks were at your door, and when you opened it, you were face to face with a painted balaclava and frazzled brown eyes.

Those eyes immediately snap down, and not even a word is uttered to your face until then.

The both of you are stone-still. Frozen. Dead to all else. 

You swear it was hours of this—standing in the doorway with Simon’s fingers stiff in his pockets and his chest not even moving in a pulse or flare of his lungs. He doesn’t even blink. 

“How far along?” His voice is monotone. A low drone in the ringing of your ears.

Damn that Scot.

“Eight and a half,” you say quietly. 

Brown eyes shift up to yours. Simon stares, and you see his jaw clench under his balaclava, his shoulders moving. Again a long pause. 

“When’s the next appointment—”

“It’s a girl.” You see his eyelids peel back and halt there, watching you. “In case you care to stick around and see her.”

Cruel perhaps, but it was nothing short of how he acted while leaving you. 

Simon’s hidden face is slack, stuttering silently for a moment as the light fades outside.

“Didn’t…didn’t know,” he grunts out, blinking quickly.

“I know you didn’t,” you utter. “That was the point, Simon.”

“Johnny told me ‘bout it, didn’t believe him.” His brown eyes swirl, breaking. “Thought you’d mention it if you were.” 

“You left,” you breathe. “Why would I reach out to someone that did that to me.”

“M’sorry, I-I don’t…” Simon clears his throat, looking away. His eyes are glossy, fingers moving out of his pockets so his twitching hands can splay out. “Could have explained, but I didn’t know how, Love. I’m not…this isn’t…”

Words fail him just like his ability to explain his emotions. Part of him was angry—angry that you’d gone all this time without reaching out when he could have helped.

A daughter. 

But he was afraid, as well. Terrified. You were in the right and he knew it. Simon didn’t know the first thing about being a father…but then again, you didn’t know how to be a mother, either. 

This was new territory.

“Marry me,” Simon pushes out with a quick force of breath. 

“Wh—,” you choke on air. “What?”

“Let me make it up to you, yeah?” Gloved hands move at his sides, eyes honest but still shiny. “Wasn’t thinking—my fault and I can’t go on if I don’t know you’re safe.” He licks at the corner of his mouth. “...Both of you. Thought leaving would make the best sense, but I was…fucking hell. M’sorry.”

“Simon, there are many more ways other than marriage.” Your anger wasn’t something that could be washed away that easily, even if your heart fluttered at the idea and his apology.

You had more self-respect than that.

“Let me fix this,” he whispers, leaning closer. 

Your hand rests over your stomach, staying there as the minutes draw. Simon waits, nervous and his fingers tap on his thigh. You know he’s afraid. You know he’s nervous about what he could bring home from work, even if those are only his paranoia talking in his ear like a demon. 

You frown. 

You huff.

And you open the door wider.

“The sheets need changing in my room. Get on it.”

The man says nothing before he enters the house and slips off his boots; disappearing into the linen closet.

[dcxdpdabbles]

DC x DP: The Real Blood Son

It's a year after Damian came to live with them that he decides it is an excellent time to bombard Bruce with his news.

"I had a blood brother." He says to Tim after the other commented how important blood meant to Bruce-ie, not enough to make him get rid of his other sons. "He was the first from the artificial womb mother made with Father's DNA; however, he was disposed of once his heart condition became known. I highly doubt you will last even twice as long Drake-"

"What"

Bruce didn't know that he could make his voice that cold. That dead. What in the world does he mean disposed.

Damian goes still. The kind of still where he isn't sure if he just earned a punishment and is trying not to react to the fear. "My elder brother. Did mother not inform you?"

"Damian," Bruce struggles to level his tone at Dick's hard stare. "She hadn't even informed me of you. Please, can you explain more about your brother."

The youngest nods. "He had no name, but he was my biological brother. He was forced to grow to age of three before they realized he was defective. Grandfather had him sacrificed to the pit."

Jason growls "what do you mean?"

Damian looks confused- as confused as he can with his league training kicking in. "The Lazarus pit is made from the bodies of young virgins. No older then ten. They are sacrificed in exchange for the Infinite Realms' power to sink into the water. The children are not aware of what is happening to them until the very end. They do not suffer."

Bruce feels sick.

They talk a bit more, on how certain followers throughout history were more then happy to offer the great Ra's their own children to renew the pit. How Damain had watched three children when he was seven be sacrifice- it happened every five years- and how the children were given the best week of their lives.

They purposely given the most joy they could feel before the blades to make the Pit as pure as possible. He talked a lot about watching the youngest- five years- be laughing and splashing in the Lazarus water before his mother cut him down, his screams drowning in the green liquid.

"They say the Pit absorbs the last emotion of the sacrifice. Grandfather hopes the children realize the importance and honor they have to be ended for a glorious cause, but occasionally a few are disloyal. When Todd had taken a dip, the previous Renew, had a brilliant girl who figured out what was happening and attempted to escape. She failed, of course, and her arm was amputated in a mission, but she died angry. That's why Todd had such strong madness compared to-!"

"SHUT UP!" Jason roars suddenly, eyes glowing green, and for a brief moment, Bruce swears he hears an undertone of a young girl in his scream "SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING! YOUR OWN BROTHER IS IN THERE"

Damain scowls "it's a honor. My brother's body was defective. But he at least had aidded in a glorious ritual."

Bruce can't help it; he leans over the BatCave Railing and hurls his dinner. Damian finally realizes that something is wrong.

They host a funeral for his three-year-old son, who died without a name, and place his gravestone next to his parents. They explain to Damian why the Renewal ritual is horrific but Bruce feels it take years before his son can see that.

Jason, went out into Crime Alley to let off some steam and had been going on a rampage against the underbelly of Gotham. He can't find it I'm himself to stop him.

Bruce asks Constantine to come over and do a small ritual, to hopefully unbound his child and let his son soul move on. Constantine warns that with the kid's name it may not work and that they could only free souls they share blood to but the English man tries anyway.

They send his son their prayers, and hopes. And they try to put him to rest.

Across the Infinite Releams to three dimensions to the right of the Wayne's soul resting ritual, The Fenton's adoptived son, Danny Fenton jolts in his English Class.

The strange stabbing scar above his heart- which is why he never takes off his shirt- burns then cools as if someone had tried to place the temperature-changing ointment. He rubs his best, confused.

What was that?

He'll have to check with FrostBite. Maybe his heart condition is acting up again. It happens every five years even though no doctors his parents have taken him to could figure out what it was.

Until Frostbite. The yeti claimed it had something to do with dark arts, but he's unsure what type.

Frostbite is still doing more testing.

"I wish you had lived, brother. I wish I knew you name"

The wind whispers, and Danny feels a flash of deep longing and grief before it's gone. Yeah, he needs to talk to Frostbite.

[dullgecko]

i think fig is the absolute last person to realize theyre not a girl. its not that the closet is glass its that they think they are frolicking in a field, closet? yeah im gay what about it? everyone knows?, everyone sees that they are trans in some way and just. assumes they know. and will talk about it when they want to. or that they know but are just keeping it to themselves yk. that they dont really mind the she/her pronouns enough to come out.

i think gilear is the first to notice, not in a ‘i think my child is trans way’ he just slowly (accidentally) starts calling them child instead of daughter and stops using figueroth and instead uses just fig. fig themself doesnt notice one bit and neither does gilear tbh, but at some point he is exclusively using gender nuetral terms for them and it feels a lot more normal than using feminine terms so he sticks with that

the bad kids all notice. gorgug considers reaching out when he first starts thinking about gender stuff, to ask for advice about how theyre so unbothered by it, but maybe hes misreading them and its not being unbothered but actually just not being ready to talk about it so he goes to kristen instead

sometimes kristen and gorgug will both talk to jawbone about gender things, and he doesnt really have personal experience but he has enough second-hand experience to help, at one point he asks them why fig doesnt talk to him about it — “does fig talk to you guys?” “no? i think they talk to gilear about gender stuff, he always seems up to date on it. they havent come out ?? so weve just been quiet about it” jawbone tries to drop hints and fig is completely oblivious (“so, fig, i heard theres this educational event for parents of gender-questioning and trans kids. im planning on going. do you think i should invite gilear?” “oh yeah that would probably be great for working with kids! for his job! as the assistant principal! oh or do you mean for fabian? theres definitely something goin on with fabian. i dont think fabian knows he has gender baggage yet?” she has NO idea save her)

adaine, riz and fabian have no clue what to do so they just dont really mention it. adaine has seen a prophetic vision that just happened to have fig with an ‘all pronouns’ pin, but like, you dont just mention that to someone ?? fabian fully doesnt say anything about it, riz forced himself to not investigate anything because its none of his business but ooooo he wanted to. he really wanted to. then again he would fail miserably at clocking non-goblinoids on trans stuff anyways because there is simply no way that goblins have anywhere close to similar gender structures to humanoid races

ayda is chilling with it, she may be a lesbian but she really couldnt care less what gender fig turned out as. i think eventually adaine confides with ayda about her vision and ayda just asks fig what pronouns theyd like to go by, fig is absolutely flabbergasted when they realize they have to think about it for multiple seconds before realizing that they really dont mind any of them. they decide this is most definitely not a trans thing, just a ‘i dont really mind 🤷 ill just use she/her since its what everyone sees me as anyways! surely everyone feels this same way!’

ayda prompty forces her to talk to kristen and gorgug about it and after doing so lots and lots they realize, finally, that theyre genderfluid. this takes time to sink in tbh, i dont think fig would just be okay im trans time to move on, and i think they would take every step in their transition really slowly actually. they find it lots of fun though!

everyone is pretty surprised to know fig didnt know they were trans, but coming out is so easy when 1 your friends are awesome and 2 you say “im genderfluid” and everyone says “oh you finally figured it out!” so everything falls in place very seamlessly

Gotta love a good trans bad kid headcannon. A+

[justplainwhump]

A Soft Reprieve

Written for Whumpmas in July, Day 15, @whumpmasinjuly-archive. Thank you so much to the great @angst-after-dark for their characters Dami and Thane and the very existence of Angel.

[Angel Masterpost]

Angel gets a break.

Content / warnings: BBU, mention of caning, multiple whumpees, a dash of conditioning. And a bit of comfort.

Angel was cold. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be aware of that, if it actually was true. If she'd just forgotten what it meant to be warm.

There were reminders of it, though, like whispered promises of a concept too great for her to understand. Sir. Sir was warm. Sir's hands, roaming her body, Sir's lips on her skin, Sir's breath on her ear, when he reminded her what she was for.

She craved for these moments, for his breath, his kisses, his touch, his warmth.

They never lasted.

The cold hit ever more brutally after he was gone.

Angel pulled her knees up, wrapped her arms around herself, where she lay alone on the carpet of the playroom. She'd been good enough to be allowed on the carpet, Sir had said. She knew she should be grateful for it. She knew it was wrong to glance up to the shape of the large bed next to her. She did it anyway, with a strange sense of longing.

She could almost feel its silky sheets, the soft mattress, the way her body would sink into it.

It wasn't for her. It never was. She didn't deserve it.

She deserved the carpet. She deserved the cold biting at her from every angle.

Shivering, Angel reached for the golden collar around her neck, ran cold fingers over it, over the only piece of clothing she was allowed

She didn't allow herself to let her stiff fingers follow the links of the chain to the bed's footboard. The bed was out of reach. As was all warmth. As was her Sir's love.

Behind her, the lock of the door clicked open. Quietly. She froze. Quietly meant, not Sir. It meant Damiel.

Angel curled up, as much as her freezing muscles let her, shielding herself from them.

"'M not here to hurt you," they mumbled.

Angel didn't believe them.

The traces of their cane, crisscrossing her back, started stinging all over again, as they stepped up next to her with soft steps.

"Please," she whispered.

She didn't even know what she was begging for. Please, take me to him. Please, don't let him hurt me. Please, leave me alone. Please, I'm cold.

They remained silent. Something light was spread over her shoulders. A blanket, she realized. Light, yet warm.

She sobbed. Warm. Instinctively, she reached for it, pulled it tightly around her.

"I'm not-," she whispered, her fingers digging deep into the fabric. "I'm not good. I... I don't deserve it. Sir doesn't -"

"Sir says you can have it," Damiel cut her off. "Don't fret." Their hand rested on her shoulder for a brief moment, tugging the blanket up, radiating warmth. "Warm up. Rest."

Angel's hand wandered up towards theirs.

Damiel pulled back, before she could touch them. "Rest," they repeated. And then, almost too quiet to hear, they added, "You'll need it."

---

-

Tag list: @whumplr-reader @there-will-always-be-blood @whimpers-and-whumpers @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @risk606

[doyouevenshipbr0]

10 strongest earthbenders

i did this with waterbenders a little while ago and while i dont feel AS passionately about earthbending as i do waterbending, i still wanna give my thoughts bc i love atla and i love yapping duhhhh

rules: not including avatars and not including anything from yangchen or kiyoshi (havent read those) and honestlyyyyyy i cant think of a character from the comics in general that would make this list but im not gonna include ppl we meet in the comics either bc to be so honest 1 i havent read the lok comics and 2 i have only read the atla comics once and i read them as they came out so it was years ago. STRICTLY GOING OFF THE SHOWS!

realizing i def shouldve made this list right after my most recent lok rewatch (its been a couple months atp)

ANYWAYS lets go

honorable mentions: tbh the only one i wanna say here is the dai li. they probably could be like number 8/9 but idrk how to rank a whole group of ppl? but the way they use earthbending is super cool. in general, im realizing there are not nearly as many overwhelming earthbending forces as there are in waterbending? so this list starts a little shaky.

10. xin fu/master yu- so like. not sure what to say/how i would even differentiate. they are both masters. duh. we didn’t see much of them but we know they are easily outclassed by the rest of this list soooo… sorry! moving on

9. general fong- alright u might be wondering “who is this” so its the guy in the episode where they try to force aang into the avatar state in the beginning of book 2 to try and make him fight the firelord sooner. literally nothing of interest to note EXCEPT when he does that super baller move where he makes katara sink into the earth?!?!!?!?! logistically i dont think this makes much sense bc how tf did she not get crushed and i think this method would make earthbending kinda super broken lmfao so they literally only ever used it this one time (from what i remember) but it is suchhhh a cool move and it is SCARY! so props to this guy for being the only earthbender we see do this super sick move!

8. wei and wing- HEAR ME OUT!!!!!! they are soooo much more useful than u remember them being. they always are holding their own with their mom and aunt and all the other amazing earthbenders around them. theyre nothing super spectacular and are not given much time to shine since theyre such minor characters, but if u pay attention to the screen time they do have, they are really really good. the fact that they can earthbend so easily alongside their mom and keep up with her is really all u need to know. they WILL pull up!!!!!!!

7. bolin- so like. its tricky right bc he is THEE earth bender in the legend of korra but honestly he really is not THAT great. obviously he is great and that’s why he makes this list but yknow what i mean. he has lavabending!!!!!! which is super sick. he also has tonsssss of raw strength and agility which is probably his biggest strength. but honestly i think what keeps him low is his lack of skill, finesse, and honestly meaningful fight scenes that go in his favor. feels like his character maybe suffers from a littttttle bit of being sidelined bending wise bc he was SUCH the comedic relief. its almost like the writers didnt have time to make him a super fleshed out earthbender because they were too busy trying to make him funny?? idk im rambling but bolin is just a tricky one. still amazing! just not as amazing as the rest of the list.

6. lin- dont fight me istg. i can FULLY admit that my biases are coming into play here but im still gonna defend my point. here are the facts: i kind of cant stand lin and i LOVE su yin. i do understand that realistically, the fact that lin is the chief of police and has dedicated pretty much her entire life to it would make her crazy strong, and it does! shes the chief of republic city police for a reason. she has a fuck ton of combat experience which helps her to be as strong as she is. i just cannot, in good faith, have her any higher. from what i have seen from numbers 5-1, they seem better than lin.

5. su yin- ah su yin. i love su yin. and if im being logical, lin would be a stronger earthbender because she has (from what we know) farrrrrrrrrrr more direct combat experience. but if im being honest, when i look at them earthbend, su yin’s earthbending looks better. its more interesting, she looks like she uses more skill, shes more creative, she seems more resourceful, and she seems more adaptable as well. she killed p’li!!! also she was kicking lin’s ass in their 1 v 1 but it feels wrong to count that bc lin was like on her deathbed lmfao. still, although lin seems like she has more experience and probably a greater battle IQ, su yin just seems better. maybe its the bias! (it def is)

4. ghazan- lava bending. he is the best at it. just everyone in the red lotus is scary strong. i rly dont need to tell u why he’s this high. it is so obvious.

3. bumi- mf took back omashu all by himselffffff. i feel like bumi is by far the earthbender we see across both shows that has the most raw strength. hes also wise and shit!!! absolute beast. i know a handful of people think hes number 1, and i know MOST people think hes at least number 2, but he’s just not in my opinion. obviously still one of the best of the best.

2. kuvira- i just. wow. i feel like on my most recent rewatch i realllllyyyyyy saw how EXCELLENT of an earthbender she is. like ok first of all yes she was the villain of this season so she was definitely going to be strong but she is literally just beating the shit out of everyone for the entire season. like no one, not even korra until the last couple eps, can even compete on the same playing field. (i know korra was dealing with a lot of personal beef but STILL). the amount of skill and precision and effectiveness she has is the best we see in earthbending in legend of korra. she genuinely seems like she isnt even giving it her all in most of her fights and she is still just mopping the floor with everyone. she was a dictator for a reason ok like who is beating my girl?!?!?!? (other than thee mother of all of earthbending ofc).

1. toph- i mean. i dont want to even explain. no earthbender has a better connection, understanding, and natural ability with earth like toph. her bending is an extension of herself to the very fullest. invented metalbending. cultivated metalbending into the martial art it is today. was (kind of) a self taught master by 12. and the stuff that she DID learn she learned when she was practically a toddler from the original benders, the badger moles. i feel like some people try to argue her spot bc she isnt always as flashy as other earthbenders (bumi, ghazan, kuvira) but she is by FAR the most effective. and not just in a day to day basis, but in fights too. hence why shes the strongest. i dont think many would argue this position but yeah. GOAT.

[gayforjuza]

A3 Choose Your Own Adventure

Episode 7

You think back to the practice room and how Omi said that "spring troupe" was practicing but he didn't mention what for. You know they're actors but other than that you dont really know shit about this place or what these actors even act in.

"What was spring troupe practicing for earlier?" You ask, not to anyone in particular, just hoping one of the three people here will answer you.

"Tsuzuroon doesn't have any ideas for their script yet so I think they were brainstorming? Or just practicing some basics? Its almost spring again so their next play will be coming up any time!" Kazunari replies. Aha so they act in plays!

"Who's Tsuzuroon? Do they write all the plays?" You ask.

"His name is Tsuzuru Minagi, and yes he writes all our plays. He writes them all at once and then passes out on the floor as soon as they're done." Tenma replies before Kazunari can say anything, getting a nod of approval from Azuma.

"Huh, so what was spring troupes last play?"

"It was called literary impasse! Tsuzuroon had a lot of struggle around that time trying to come up with ideas. He walked around mumbling about kappas for a couple days, he was totes out of it!" Kazunari answers. Literary Impasse sounds a bit familiar, but you've never really been a fan of plays and you cant think of what this one was about. How strange.

"Were you just talking about me?" Someone says from behind you. You turn around and see one of the guys from the practice room earlier. He's got brown hair and turquoise eyes.

"Nope! Not even at all!" Kazunari quickly says.

"He was, but only because our special guest here was asking about you." Azuma says with a soft smile. Tsuzuru looks down at you from his standing position behind the couch.

"You were asking about me? Why?" You quickly explain that you were just curious about spring troupe, and that you had asked about their plays so kazunari explained. That's all, nothing weird. "Ah, fair enough. Speaking of spring troupe plays I can't think of much for this one either. I've been distracted lately because someone has been up all night talking upstairs!" Tsuzuru looks pointedly at Kazunari, who dramatically gasps and puts a hand on his chest in shock.

"Tsuzuroon! Are you saying I'm distracting you because you like me so much?! Wow!"

"Absolutely not! I'm telling you to go to bed for once!"

"Look whos talking." Tenma speaks up from the other couch. You chuckle and get up to put your dishes away, leaving them to their argument.

As you approach the sink you see Izumi standing there talking to Omi. They look over at you and Omi comes over to take your dishes.

"Hey! So, it looks like this storm isnt gonna let up any time soon. So we were thinking you could spend the night here?" Izumi comes over to ask. You had barely noticed that the rain had turned to a storm in the first place, but you realize you wouldnt mind spending more time here. Everyone you've met so far has been very kind and welcoming. It's a feeling you aren't used to.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind sleeping here." You reply with a smile. Izumi beams and you see Omi smile too from his spot at the sink.

"Great! It's up to you where you want to sleep. The couches here in the lounge aren't too bad, and there's some more couches in the mini lounge upstairs if you'd prefer a smaller room?" As she's explaining this, Kazunari appears behind you.

"OMG! Did I hear sleepover?! U should totes sleep in mukkun and I's room!" He says. You turn around to see quite a few people lined up with their dishes actually. One of them being Tsuzuru.

"Absolutely not! Did you not hear what I said earlier! I can't focus if you're being loud and having a third person in that room would not help! What do you two even talk about anyways?!" Tsuzuru says. Kazunari huffs and calls Tsuzuru a party pooper. Azuma walks past the two to give his dishes to Omi, turning to you as he does so.

"You're always welcome to sleep with me~ Guy won't mind as long as we're quiet." He says with a wink before turning back to Omi to thank him for the food.

"No fair Azu! I don't stand a chance if you're competing too!" Kazunari says.

"Can you two knock it off! You don't have to treat our guests like this every time you know!" Tsuzuru says, then turns to you. "Please forgive them, they get too comfortable way too fast. If you want somewhere quiet to sleep without being disturbed or sleeping on a couch you can crash in my bed, I won't be sleeping tonight anyways since I have to work on the script."

"Oi! Now who's being weird!" Tenma calls from the back of the group. You laugh and move out of the way so everyone can put their dishes away. As you watch everyone clean up you consider your options.

[tuxedokit-thoughts]

i want to kill myself

im not going to, but mom says i should write my feelings out. says itll help me feel better

and. i mean. i know its worked before. i have this whole thing to prove it

see even just tryping that much helped a little. at least enough that ny urges are back in the harm territory and not in yhe kill territory. which isnt great. but. yknow. ill take what i can get? i guess?

i dont know anymore. it feels like theres this gaping hole in my chest, and everything i have and everything i am is just pouring and pouring and pouring out of it until there is nothing. i dont want to be nothing.

but maybe it would be easier than this

i hardly got out of bed today. i didnt get dressed, i only ate because my brother was so gracious as to bring me a bowl of canned chicken noodle soup. he put a little rosemary in it, "to make it fancy," he said. it wasnt perfection, but it was the best goddamn soup i had ever tasted in that moment. he used the last clean bowl for it. its his favourite too, a kirby themed ramen bowl with holes for chopsticks and everything.

chicken noodle isnt even my favourite soup. fi think its just. how loved i felt? when he carried that bowl into our cramped little room from our cramped little living room.

i was standing like. an hour ago? and he asked me to try to clean a bowl for him. (he does all the household chores, save for dishes. we both hate them, but i can barely do shit else, so one really shitty chore is better than a mountain of decent ones)

i took one look at our sink, so full of dirty shit you can hardly see the faucet, and i tyrned around and let myself fall limp, face first on my bed.

i put the blanket over my feet, so that if he came in he wouldnt have to see them (even the thought of feet disgusts him, i think)

he did come in, but i dont think he realized how hard it had been for me to even do that. i think all he saw was a whiny, ungrateful, pathetic mound of flesh under a blanket. someone so useless it couldnt even clean a single bowl for him without falling apart.

i heard him clean his own bowl. i have never felt so guilty for doing absolutely fucking nothing.

he already puts up with so much shit from me. im a drug addicted, mentally unstable, sorry excuse for a person.im trying, god im trying so fucking hard, but every day is harder than the last, it seems.

still. he deserves better than this.i dont know why he bothers.

... i keep finding myself scratching my cat scratches from earlier today. it stings. i feel like i deserve it.

i know thats not true. but honestly? scratching at my hand and wrist is better than actually doing something, right? its just a sting on fresh skin. no blood, no fresh wounds. just the pain thats already there. just poking at my bruises so i feel something other than this crushing despair

god. i cant believe i said that. i mean thats a totally normal thing to say in a crisis. ive just soiled my mind with references and medias and now i cant be normal about anything haha

anyway

uh

yeah.

...

i still hate myself. but. i guess this helped me stop crying as much? i dont know. i dont know anything anymore

thats not true

i know my wrist hurts. like a cat scratch, it stings on the back, mostly because thats what it was, at first. from where both my cats claws and my own found themselves digging into my skin, i can feel a bump when i glide my finger over it. and every time the pain gets too dull, too quiet, i let my nail return to its little groove and pull, just for a moment.

i know my heart hurts. like i have been carved open, my contents unceremoniously dumped on the floor. my blood spills out on the floor over my organs and my thoughts, and as i try to clean it up the lead in my veins says stop. and so i lay there, on the ground, next to the contents of the person i have become. it is all blackened by tar and resin.

i know that every breath i have taken today has felt like a chore. like slogging out of bed at 5:45 in the morning to get ready for school, knowing i wont learn shit because all my energy will be focused on holding myself together, or at least keeping myself from shattering altogether. ill just slog through another page of the textbook, wondering why i bothered when i couldve just stayed home.

i know i am loved. even if i dont feel it. even if i dont deserve it.

i know i never had a choice in any of this

...

i know that. for now. ill keep dragging myself out of bed. keep breathing. scratch my wrist so i dont cut it.

and maybe tomorrow ill apologize to everyone whos had to put up with me

{16/11/2023}

[weakfleshwillingsoul]

odd week on sunday i went shopping for katie for her birthday present after she contacted me after not being in touch for just under a year and asked me to attend her twenty second birthday party i bought her a beautiful copy of dracula and a pretty pair of earrings 30 dollars total the book from that place at the end of kensington ave the owners kid followed me around the whole time because i let him talk to me about the music and america and i also bought picnic at hanging rock for myself. on monday i came back home from downtown and went to work feeling as far as i remember apathetic. on tuesday saint valentines day i went to school for 7:30am and had a coffee before proteomics by the pond feeling an incredible euphoria and love of life. at 1:00pm as i was studying in the library an hour and a half before my lab my parents called and told me they were putting down the cat, sudden kidney failure. couldnt do anything about it ... it was over within ten minutes. went to my lab i was out of it. our restriction digest on the gel looked fucked up but at least we ended early. went back downtown, picnic at hanging rock on the subway. wednesday the next day i skipped first class and went for the next one at 11:30, ran thru the rain five minutes late to class and got there to realize it had been cancelled several hours earlier. Fucked over dead cat missed class showed up to school for no reason. tea and went to library and out of all serendipitous encounters saw nick as i was coming up to the second floor of the library we embraced and talked for hours. Any other way the day had gone i would have missed him. on thursday i left the house before my parents had woken up to be at school again by 7:30am and read picnic at hanging rock with a cigarette on the bench by the pond. after proteomics i asked dr donaldson about the lab and he showed me the restricted third and fourth floor of the life sciences building, the thesis laboratories, and the nmr spectrometer, then told me to stay in touch and enrol in his thesis lab for the fall semester. lab went okay, we had to redo the gel because i fucked up the wells but restriction digest showed up where it was meant to on the second one. Went back home and met some old high school friends strangely had a great time. Friday did nothing. Today went to work for rush hours till closing and nearly passed out halfway thru my shift, gave my supervisor a fright, the persian ladies fed me a ferrero rocher in the breakroom, realized my period started and i had bled thru my jeans. went home three hours early. the second i got home and took my coat off i received an anonymous love confession in my inbox. eyebrow piercing fell out about an hour ago, the top ball unscrewed as i washed my face. I gave up trying to put it back in, it looked like two open wounds. I was wearing my brothers old boxers today at work. He left them behind when he went away so he didnt want them anyways. i scrubbed the blood out in the sink with rose dr bronners and watched the rust coloured water wash down the drain.

my dreams this week were about seeing my brother, a dead pigeon run over on spadina with its wings stiff upright and feathers shifting in the breeze, and other things i dont remember

[keefwho]

May 23 - 2024 Thursday

11:30pm

5.5/10

Days for awhile now just keep being 'meh'. Even good days are kinda ruined by how meh I feel and how much I'm thinking about things. Thats why I need a break from the thinking.

This morning I made my mirror and sink spotless. I took great care and attention in making sure I wiped down every centimeter of the thing. I also cleaned out and reorganized the cleaning supply cabinet and had to take my trash out. For breakfast I made a jimmy dean sandwich and some cheetos. Also snuck a cookie with my coffee. I didn't feel like streaming at all this morning, I wasn't in a very good mood. But I tried anyways.

On stream I tried warming up with cats but switched to ponies. Then I worked on SZ's commission for about 90 minutes. No one showed up but 57 today and there was little talking. We couldn't watch shows because my internet wouldn't allow it. I ended early so I could go to the store for drinks. On the way there mom told me about the funeral plan for my nephew, I'm going to have to watch the house until next Wednesday. At the store I asked the nice lady if she had a favorite show lately. She said she watches a lot of anime and has been watching this show called Carnival Row I haven't heard of. I told her I've been watching Black Mirror. I kinda crumbled and became too robotic. I wish I had asked what kinds of animes and I wish I told her I've been watching cartoons like She Ra and Moral Orel. Regret is my strongest teacher right now so I'll do better next time.

When I got home I worked the remaining 30 minutes on SZ's commission and finished it. They really liked it and so did the others in their group. Then I watched more of this Star Wars hotel video DS sent me until I decided to roast hotdogs for lunch finally. I split one of the last logs for wood, got my firepit set up, and found a good stick to carve down. I had to thaw the bun and wieners in the microwave and then I toasted it all over the fire. The stick sucked, I had to redo the end multiple times because it kept burning. I didn't cook the hotdogs long enough to get warm inside so I microwaved them to finish. I ate them by the fire with ketchup and that was nice.

When I came in, I did a really weird request and worked on another Tumblr idea afterwards. I worked on this sketch for an hour but still don't think it's quite right so I'm going to redo it for the 3rd time next week. I'm not doing a good job of pumping out 1 idea per week, this drawing is currently going to take 3 weeks. I almost napped on my desk towards the end and did no VRchat world work today.

To chill for the evening I mostly watched some stuff like that star wars video. I tried booting up Minecraft to work on my snowman town more and joined AE and friends in the server VC. I didn't say anything the whole time, I just listened to them play Monster Hunter. When DS was free I left to call her and kept playing. We chilled to some music and then I put on that very long star wars video for both of us. When she went upstairs, I joined BR and seemingly the rest of the entire server in their VC to say hi. They were watching a really funny reaction video.

In bed DS and I did our puzzles and the connections was really stupid today. It was very late for both of us but I stayed up to enjoy the time with her. Its why I'm up late right now. I dont regret staying up but I do regret being in my thoughts too much tonight, especially with no intent of speaking up about it. I would have preferred letting it go for now so I could be an engaged, enjoyable person.

Like I said, this morning kinda sucked. Again I woke up and realized I don't like where things are and it started getting to me. At some point I journaled about a lot and got some other thoughts out. I think I'm getting closer to figuring out how to focus on what I think is important in a very simple way. First of all I knew not to act on how I was feeling because I wasn't in my rightest mind. I think whenever I act like that, I'll tend to be making decisions that work against me or from a place of selfishness. I also knew that to undermine my negative/unhelpful behavior, I can focus on doing my best no matter what I'm doing. Thats how I become proud of myself. It helps focus on whats really important like whats right in front of me. This is especially true of my relationships. Since they involve someone else, normally someone very important to me, I want to do them justice. It helps me become my best me.

[malevolententity]

project 16!

16 and a half hour. this project took me 16 and a half hours and i think i want to bash my head into a wall. not because its bad or anything i actually quite like it! but. i started this and thought itd be a 6 hour project. surely only 6 hours. no. 16 and a half hours. this does not look like 16 and a half hours. and yet? and yet it is! i am going insane! i am being taken into the spiral much like the lusidius. 16 and a half hours.

ANYWAYS made a hammock! as i make more things i realized i needed a more permanent and better place to hold all my items so just kinda winged a hammock! i am gonna be messing with placement for the next forever because m not totally happy with the bottom right. i may add a string to that corner so i have a longer anchor somewhere else so i like it more but eh! now we shall see if it actually holds up or if it sucks and i gotta reinforce all the corners.

fun fact! theres about 7 color changes in this because i was winging it with scrap yarn! i wish i coulda planned this better so that stripe of orange and brown was in the center but oh well!

SEASON THOUGHTS SO FAR

i dont even know how to go about this. so. last we left off it was the end of episode 11! i now have exactly one hour and 12 minutes left to the season! i am on episode 16!!!!!!!!! 16!!!!!!!!!!! ive loved every second of this. the twists have been so interesting and so beautifully hinted at that on a rewatch i know m gonna point and yell at things because oh!!!! thats what that means!!! you fucker!!!! i am so so enchanted and endeared to this cast. thiago isnt dead yet!!! thats fun!!! thats cool!!! hes currently asking for a cigarette [02:26:34] because hes probably gonna die right after i hit play on the rest of this episode!!! m not gonna be okay but its fine!

i think. i am going to wait to post this until ive finished the episode. i dont feel like starting a new project yet, i just wanna give myself the treat of watching the ending. with no distractions no matter how small they are. so. i guess thats where ill leave this.

oh shit its an amount of time later and i finished the season time to scream. or cry. i am writing this title before hitting play :D

vou me matar na sua frente. that was a really good ending for the season. everything happened that i anticipated and yet, i have still been a sobbing mess for the past hour. god what a great fucking story.

i wanna double cry tho because the revelando doesnt have subtitles and i Know its because equipe t is focusing on the actual seasons but ohhh i wanna know the secrets i wanna hear everyone talk about things that didnt get shared.

fucked up that i have to wait for desconjuração to finish being translated. last update i saw was in like july they were doing final revisions on the first half but its been silence ever since. hands and knees that they say something soon about how its going i wanna sink my teeth into it.

god m not ready to say goodbye. there may be a slight spam happening immediately or just filling up my queue we shall see. fuck

also fun fact!!!!!! ive been watching season 2 since the beginning of july!!! july 5th was my first post that happened at the start of season 2!!! it took me 16 weeks to watch this season!! the same amount of time it took to record it!!! that wasnt even planned that just kinda happened and i think is fun!

[soaringsearingphoenix]

Okay but Re: That terrifying neighborhood post... You could still bring other people to the neighborhood. And you could do whatever you want there completely undisturbed. Plus you can walk into other "people's" empty houses and pretend you're living a completely different life. Like I get how it could be terrifying in concept but I feel once actualized it could be really entertaining.

Yes... ok that is solid, i DO love the idea of having a town to myself to just explore... but also like? The idea of having a town to explore yourself is only really cool if you know WHY it’s empty. A new town, not yet to be moved into for another week? That would be cool! A town abandoned for years and partially reclaimed by nature? VERY cool!

Edit/warning: I am about to say a lot of sort of nihilistic and paranoid things. Like, a LOT. It’s 2am and it’s time for oversharing. If you tend to make yourself nervous overthinking things (tldr thats why i find this town scary! Because, haha, i do that! Then please stop reading now! It’s a lot of text. Scroll hard lmao.)

An abandoned town is cool. A town that’s empty but by all means wasn’t supposed to be? That’s terrifying! It’s like... it’s like the polar opposite of the reason a break-in is terrifying. If someone is in your house but isn’t supposed to be there, that’s terrifying bexause it’s a breach of what you thought was your sanctuary. It’s an unlnown in your most known place. The outside world is full of surprises, but this is the place you’re supposed to have control. That’s why, though I love and cherish spiders now, finding a spider in my room still startles me! It provokes the question “how did you get here?” It is a quiet symptom of the presence of unknowns even at the heart of the familiar. It is an uninvited reminder that the universe is full of impartial watching eyes.

Discovering that your seemingly vibrant and populated is equal and opposite.

It’s opposite because it’s so... unreal. An intruder is something you think about. It’s something that has happened, and you can plan for it in advance. Things still can go wrong, sure, but you know what it is that’s happening — someone has broken in — and you can maybe assess from there.

Moving into a neighborhood to realize, at least a few days in, that something is Wrong is not something I’ve even considered to worry about until now! Sure, now that I’ve been exposed to the idea, I could formulate a course of action for that scenario, but the reason why it would work is that the family moving in wouldn’t have any clue what was about to happen to them. They would have no prior consideration to guide their next steps.

It’s opposite because it’s so... desolate. If an intruder is the unwelcome and threatening presence of an outside being, this scenario is the unwelcome and threatening absence. suddenly, there’s no one to turn to. There’s no one to ask “do you know what’s going on here?” There’s no one to go to for reassurance or support. It’s just your family.

And yet it isn’t even fully an absence, is it? Because once you realize how staged and controlled everything around you seems, you think “someone is behind this,” and then you wonder, “what are their intentions?” Why would someone do something like that — isolate you in a place where you were supposed to feel safe? Who has the power and time and resources to execute a plan like that and what else are they capable of? Did they choose you for a reason or was it at random? Are they watching you right now? What might they do to you when they realize you’ve figured it out? Does that mean they’re done with you now? Who can you even go to that would believe you, and that could do anything against someone with the capacity to do something on this scale?

It’s opposite because it’s so... overwhelming. If this happened to me I would immediately start questioning everything. Where is everybody? How many people are in on it? Is my family behind this? Are they really my family, if everything else I thought was real is just a hollow facade? Has this happened before and I never noticed? Were there people here once ans something happened to them? Has my whole life been a simulation housing only me, but the machine that runs all of existence has been long abandoned and forgotten and now it’s gradually shutting down its more complex functions as the battery is slowly drained, and the disappearance of what amounts to npcs from the world is the first major sign that my simulated world is soon ending, and that it’s too late to do anything about it now that it’s gotten this drastic and anyways what could I even do about it from inside it I’m only part of the code??

I don’t think that’s the conclusion I would reach but it might cross my mind.

An obsession with dreams and cognition in my formitive years, and a preliminary understanding of both physics and philosophy, have made me the kind of person who only has a tenuous faith that my perceptions are correct and accurate at any given time — or maybe I was already like this and I’ve spent my life seeking the smooth satisfaction of confirmation bias. Whatever the case, it’s not hard to make me question my understanding of reality. My assumptions, my biases, my memories. All are unreliable. There is a firm and instinctive belief in my gut, at moments when I’m just a little bit extra aware of the present, that the way I feel and the way I live at that given moment is how it’s always been and how it’s always will be, and I am have to fight that feeling because it’s not true and it’s not productive. But I know that when I realized I was isolated in that neighborhood there would be at least a MOMENT where I thought “this is how it’s always been” — you’ve always lived here, alone, and all other memories are false. Or, every town you’ve ever lived in has been equally empty, despite what you think you remember.

It’s scary to me because I’m imagining the moment I find out — and the several moments of maddening self-doubt immediately after. It’s scary because I know my current family, and they would be scared, and it would panic me. It’s scary because I know myself — hell, sometimes I’ll do something that is out of character for me and spend the next day questioning if it was real. It’s scary because being lied to is scary, and isolation is scary, and moments of sudden awareness that you are powerless against a universe vaster than you, vaster than you could even imagine.

It’s scary to think that the universe is distant and unfeeling and doesn’t care about you, and that the world doesn’t revolve around you — but how much scarier would it be to find out that it does? That the world you inhabit was distinctly constructed with you at its center, fully aware of you — maybe always! — and possibly planning and preparing its next move in a direct and targeted response to whatever you do next! That’s so much worse than being a blip, in a world of possibility, blessed with the freedom of anonymity! It’s too much pressure.

All that said.

Thank you. I think I would do a lot better in the town if I had someone with your attitude there with me, and we could reassure each other and vow to figure it out together. I think about a week after discovering the truth, it would be kind of fun to explore and see how all the different empty houses worked and were furnished.

But at the moment I found out? At the moment you realize something is Not What It Seemed and that fight or flight kicks in? I stand by what I said. That is deeply, primally terrifying

[mrsswaino]

fuck it up.

frank castle x f!reader .

warnings : 18+, smut, unprotected sex, penetration, choking.

i’m just now noticing y'all don't even know my name?? hi! im jay. and a fun fact about me is i cant write smut without overthinking unless im high (and it usually turns out so much better?). i listened to f it up by tank while writing this - hence the name. anyways i'm gonna kinda try to work on dialogue? so ofc that means talkative frank. i hope it goes well for your sake. and are we surprised to see another self-indulgent fic? no? didn't think so. its only 624 words but - enjoy babes.

“c’mon, ya’ got it princess” frank states, looking down at where you’re sinking onto his cock.

and all you can do in response is drag your nails down his pec, because god, do you feel so full. and you can't help the little whimper that tumbles out of your mouth once all of his cock is inside you. you don't bother giving yourself anytime to adjust though, no you cant help yourself.

“attagirl” frank groans, hands raking the side of your torso.

and you also can't resist the temptation to wrap your hand around his neck. it just looks so, so pretty covered in the marks you left not too long ago. you can't help making a few more with how good he feels inside you, so soon enough you're digging your nails in his neck. and he cant help but let you. you thinking you're in control is just so cute. you just look so pretty like this - and he already knows there's no way you can keep it up for long.

so he finds himself revelling in the grip you have around his neck. how pretty you look using that grip for leverage to bounce on his cock. how pretty you look thinking that grip on his neck makes you in control.

just like he expected though, you can't keep it up long. you're breathing heavier, you're slowing down, and most importantly you've got that needy look on your face - and hes letting a groan out at it all.

“y’need help, baby?” he questions, but it comes out a bit (a lot) like a statement.

“please.” you can't help but shamelessly whimper.

before you can even realize what's happening his hands are on your hips, and in an instant he’s bouncing you up and down by himself. and you can't find anywhere with a steady grip, well at least not until you're grabbing your own tits. truly, frank loves the sight. and he's sure you're making crescent shaped dents into your own skin.

but he ruins the sight himself. the sight of you beneath him was just too alluring not to. but now instead of grabbing your boobs - youre grabbing him. and while both are great, he’s pretty sure he prefers the latter.

“feel good, sweetheart?”

since you’re biting your lip quite hard, you just find yourself whimpering and nodding at the question.

and then you hear frank grunting in your ear “why can’t i hear ya’?”, right before he’s gripping your jaw.

“let m’hear those pretty noises,” he starts “don't get shy now, princess.”

not like you really had much choice. the grip on your face basically had your mouth wide open, and you were practically drooling by the time he let go.then he’s hitting that spot, and at the moan you let out he’s holding in a chuckle.

“take m’cock so well,” he groans mainly to himself “like ya’ were made for me.”

with the way youre squeezing him though, he feels so close. franks a prideful guy though, and he takes pride in making you cum first. so while your heads back, and your eyes are squeezed shut from how good hes plowing you, hes sneaking his hand in between your thighs.

and almost as soon as he starts making circles on your clit you're shaking. you're exactly where he wants you.

“not yet, baby.”

“pleas-” you dont even get to finish, before his lips are smashing onto yours.

and everything is just so precise. the way hes hitting that spot inside you, his thumb making circles on your clit, and even the needy rushed kiss is. and youre sure you cant hold it for long. and frank really cant either - you just feel too good.

“g’head princess.”

[mxpseudonym]

Great!

Can I please request a male reader x tommy Shelby where the male reader is a private teacher for Tommy’s children and tommy falls in love with him

It’s ok if you dont feel like it, no pressure 🌸✨

A/N: I hope you enjoy! This was very sweet to write and I even snuck a little Esme in there.

--

Charlie asked him what love was, and it took everything in Tommy's power to not splutter out, "I don't fucking know." But he didn't. He told his son to ask Polly.

For some time, Tommy thought it was finding someone to laugh with and cry with and talk to until dawn. But when he thought of that these days he grimaced. The truth was that he was tired. There were days when he crawled back to Arrow House with heavy eyes, teeth aching and bone marrow crying out for rest. The last thing he wanted was more. More talking, more needing him, more desiring his existence. He wanted stillness and he found it in the solarium. He'd fall back on the settee, fully clothed, and doze off.

He knew what an iota of peace was, but nothing of love anymore.

It was the fall when Tommy's routine encountered a strange addition. He'd collapse in the solarium then awake to his head resting on a pillow, his shoes off and legs up, and his coat on him like a blanket. In front of him was a single tray of tea. He'd wake up, take a sip, grimace at the over-steeped, lukewarm drink, and gather himself.

In early October, Tommy woke to the sound of tea pooling in a porcelain cup. His eyes creaked open to see a man in wireframe glasses moving smoothly through the motions as if he'd been doing this exact thing for weeks. His brown eyes met Tommy's, and he gave a soft smile before walking across the room and sitting in a nook by the window without a word. It only took a moment to see him sink into the space like he belonged there with a book in hand.

If Tommy hadn't hand-selected Daniel Peterson to be Charlie's live-in teacher, he would have had a dead man in his home. But instead, he had a raging curiosity.

"Thanks for letting me sleep," Tommy spoke as he reached for the cigarettes in his pocket.

"Well I'm always here first, so I really just go on my way," Daniel clarified. Tommy tried to think if he ever recalled another person in the space, but he always had one mission in mind.

"The tea is nice."

"Not when you get to it, it isn't."

"But you pour it anyway?" Tommy asked. There was a pause and the sound of the striking of a match was all there was.

"I do... pour it anyway. You're welcome."

Come November, Tommy understood the appeal of sitting in silence. He came to the solarium and checked for Daniel who was almost always reading. For a few hours, they existed in each other's presence with few words, just the pouring of tea. Tommy slept, but eventually, he began just sitting with his eyes closed and head tilted to the ceiling- the company being refreshing when the nap wasn't enough.

The day Daniel quietly came over and lit Tommy's cigarette when the man lost his own matches, was the day Tommy looked at him. He'd reread the studious teacher's file for reference, and then again recently like a good book. Daniel was a few months older than Tommy, but their lives were much different. He'd fought in the war but he was stable and bookish.

The day he was hired, it was how he spoke simply and straightforwardly, saying exactly what he could and could not do that made Francis and Tommy choose him. Now Tommy realized the teacher had a real steady charm about him. He was solid and responsible, or at least he didn't seem to need anything from him. And he had a nice smile, Tommy thought.

It was nearing December and the end of the school season, so Tommy checking in on more of Charlie's studies. He'd done it here and there before, but it was becoming a habit.

Daniel watched Charlie run off to play before approaching Tommy, cross-armed and leaning against the door.

"Light schedule today?" Daniel teased with a tilted head.

"I was just curious as always and when I'm working from home, why not stop by?" Tommy shrugged. "Since I'm here, do you want to have dinner with Charlie and I?"

"Are you sure? My silence is golden."

"Hardy har har, though I appreciate that too."

Tommy watches the man clean up and begins etching every bit of him in his mind. Shapely jaw, nimble fingers, a warm kindness and elegance. The lithe of his voice, his quietness and care. Tommy collected things one by one until his mind was filled with Daniel Peterson.

Dinners and silent solarium encounters were comfortable, pleasant even. Tommy was starting to think he didn't deserve it. This was peace, he thought, he just happened to be getting greedy about having so much more of it.

--

"What is love?" Charlie asked, this time to Daniel while he was supposed to be answering questions. Tommy stood at the door, watching, surprised Charlie was still on this. Daniel hummed and clasped his hands.

"Love is a shapeshifter and a mirror and disgustingly honest. You'll understand that when you're older. But for now, it's doing what you can to make sure someone is delighted, healthy, and well from the tiniest detail to the biggest things. But the most important thing is listening and respect. Unwanted consideration is not considerate. Good?" Daniel grinned at Charlie whose head was tilted.

"Ummm, alright, good." Charlie's nose scrunched when his teacher ruffled his hair, but he got back to work.

He could read a thousand books about love and each one would tell him something different, Tommy knew that much. And yet that brief explanation from Daniel stayed in his mind and seeped out of him. He started pouring tea and offering access to the Arrow House library. They shared lunches, breakfasts, and five-minute moments in each other's presence when Tommy wound up walking to Daniel's office in the middle of the day without even meaning to.

"Are you on drugs again?" Esme asked as she sat reports on Tommy's desk.

"Fuck off."

"Seriously, Thomas. They aren't good for you, and we can all tell," she scolded him. Tommy realized she was serious and he sighed.

"I'm not. So I guess you're all wrong."

"If it's not opium then you must be in love because you walk like a man hungry for something that's not at Watery Lane." Esme gave him a pointed look, and Tommy couldn't help but compare her to Polly as she left the office. She did seem to catch on quicker than he did. Tommy leaned back in his chair.

The harsh winter made Tommy decide it wasn't love, it was gratitude. For all the nights Daniel helped Charlie feel less like he was babysat and more like he was living. And when Daniel took care of the Shelbys in the house when they got sick at the same time.

It was more like, being impressed with him. He knew everything, it seemed. Not a genius per se, but an encyclopedia of a man no less. Even when it came to business, Daniel could point Tommy in the right direction.

Or even a natural closeness was a better description. Daniel wrapped his arms around Tommy on the anniversary of Grace's death and days that got rough. His touch became a welcome comfort that Tommy sought out again and again. It wasn't love, it was just greed. It was just wanting more of the kind of peace that only he could provide.

--

"Are you two in love?" Charlie asked. Daniel and Tommy turned their heartfelt eyes from each other to Charlie.

"What makes you ask that?" Daniel asked calmly, beating Tommy to speaking first.

"Dad said love was hard to explain and he told me to ask Polly. Polly said it was when you just want to stay by someone's side. And I asked Mr. Peterson and he said it was wanting to do what you can to make sure someone is delighted, healthy, and well from the tiniest detail to the biggest things," Charlie recited their answers precisely between bites of oatmeal. "Isn't that what you two do? You're always together when you're home, and even pour each other's tea. And you always look delighted when we all play together. You're in love, aren't you?"

Daniel tapped the table and leaned back in thought. His eyes turned to Tommy, deferring to him for once.

"Must be," Tommy said with a nod, then went back to his breakfast. Daniel's eyebrows raised at the confession, but both Shelbys had already moved on. When Charlie left for his piano lesson, Daniel turned to Tommy.

"What was that?"

"Charlie made excellent points. And it's been true for a while hasn't it?" Tommy flipped through his paper absentmindedly but with trembling hands.

"Well what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean? I'll just keep loving you."

"How romantic," Daniel mumbled then reached for toast. Tommy's hand reached out and caught his.

"You didn't say your piece yet."

"I think I've loved you since I poured tea for you just in case you woke up in time to drink it hot. I just didn't think I'd be found out by a six-year-old."

"My sister-in-law found me out, so we're even."

Tommy wasn't convinced he knew what love was anymore, or if he ever did. But he did know the morning breeze quieted them, and the sunlight drenched the acres of Arrow House in a way that made his breath catch a bit.

Tommy knew peace, and he knew what he wanted more of, which was having more moments hand in hand with Daniel. And at the end of the day, he was beginning to think that was enough.

>> Tommy Shelby x Reader Masterlist <<

>> Tommy Shelby x OC Masterlist <<

>> Mx’s Peaky Blinders Masterlist <<

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Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk