#anyways im eating dualities

[mcytegg]

thinking abt dualities again and eating drywall bc i just. theres something abt ro's video ending w mapicc killing him, yet in the Actual server mapicc is so cautious of ro's health that he refused to even entertain hitting him with his sword. like i know its a small thing, but mapicc's carefulness w his more squishy friends is so . its so . 🥹

Ro: Wait, okay, then I need you to crit me with a sword.

Mapicc: I'll crit Bacon! :D

[orcelito]

ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.

like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo

i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.

[autism-corner]

erm

[twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for]

every time an ask comes to sera about what the LIs reactions would be to the detective being tortured/badly hurt- whatever it is- she says it would be spoilery to say, BUT IM SO CURIOUS I CANT WAIT I LOVE ANGST. i know we can try and judge based on past scenes, like from the murphy incident, but do you have any headcanons of your own? >;)

Me when I have to speculate instead of canonical answers:

Honestly I think the Murphy incident scars all of UB in different ways.

For A, obviously it’s all about failure. A knows the detective is their soulmate like from the get go and Murphy serves as a lesson that no matter how much they push the detective away, no matter how combative and cold they are, no matter how “safe” they try to be, it won’t be enough. I think A probably has many a sleepless night (pretend that they regularly need sleep to make that work) thinking about what could have been done differently, what they could have done differently, to save the detective the pain and especially the trauma.

I think for N there’s like all the general fears for the detective that you expect, but I wonder how scared and scarred N is by the blood. We know N has some kind of something going on with needing more blood than everyone else and N is more effected by the blood at the scene with Murphy than anyone else. I wonder how much N worries about if there hadn’t been water to dilute the blood so they could rush to the detective and I wonder if they think about how if it had been another day with different conditions if maybe they would have been the one to finish the detective off. I think “what if”s eat at N a lot

We know that F personally thinks on the Murphy situation and even with the detective surviving they don’t see it as a win. We don’t know too much about other cases that UB was in charge of, but obviously the team is held in high regard and has the track record to back it up and F thinks the world of the detective and see them as an equal despite being human. I think F simmers in the fear that no matter how capable and how many cards they have stacked in their favor it could not be enough and they may lose something they can’t get back because of it. F has unfaltering belief in UB and the detective and because of that they probably don’t often think the people they love of capable of being anything but perfect and it hurts them when they do and have the evidence to show for it.

I think M is angry about Murphy of course but if I had to pick on fears or regrets, I don’t think that it would be that Murphy got to the detective (M is a realist- things happen) I think it would be more their reaction/behavior towards it at the time. How uncaring they were at a point in time to the only love of their life. Hindsight is 20/20 and I think someday they’ll look back at and regret their treatment of the detective when they realize all the detective is to them. I don’t think this will change M or how they are towards anyone, but I can see M looking back and wishing they had been a little different, only for the detective. Or wanting a time machine to smack themselves.

But I do want to say, and this is where I love the duality of A/N versus F/M, is that while A/N can feel nothing but regret and disgust towards the situation, F/M have a sense of like gratitude towards it in a way. Especially F.

A/N see Murphy as they see themselves, not in that they’re the same in their actions but same in the sense of what they are. A/N look at it with disgust and wonder how the detective can stomach it knowing what they could be capable of. No matter how many years pass, they can’t quite come to terms with what they are.

F/M are similar in seeing themselves in it but they more of a sense of wonder about how the detective can see what they’re capable of and they choose them anyways. F is more upfront with this but we know for a fact that M appreciates the detective’s trust despite knowing what they can do and often revel in it by placing their lips on the detective’s neck regularly.

[kitten-wick]

I never proofread, I’m sorry. Sharing here because I’m afraid to share anywhere else right now. Doesn’t feel safe 🥺😞

I can’t handle the duality of everything going on in my head.

What was real? What was the situation we were in? What was us and what wasn’t?

Am I stupid to sit here and have hope when it ended the way it did?

Am I wrong to hope that if we tried again that things would be a lot better because they would be different this time?

What if they aren’t different??

But god, what if they were different?! What if we were allowed to just keep going and see where it goes without anyone messing it up but the two of us? That’s not even fair to say because we did do it to each other. You did what you shouldn’t have. I know that. But could we have figured things out had we had a stronger foundation and didn’t stay out so shaky?

Am I selfish for having hope?

Why can’t you just tell me to have hope? Why can’t someone just tell me what to do because I can’t fucking make a decision on my own! I wouldn’t listen anyway, I know that. I’ll do what I want. I just wish I had all the information first!

It’s unfair that everything blew up. It’s unfair I wasn’t given the chance to see what would happen and try to make it work. It’s unfair that every little beautiful part of us in my head is tainted and I may never get untainted memories.

I don’t know. I’m so angry. I’m angry because I having feelings that have no where to go and I want to send them to you but I can’t.

I can’t trust you, can I?

Are you as safe as you made me feel? A person is not their mistakes, so can I see past the hurt and accept that mistakes happen? Can I forgive and move forward? Can I find safety and peace in you again?

Do you want to move forward? I’m working to process and I am trying to give space, but so much is still rolling in my head and I can’t think straight. I don’t know what you want or what you’re feeling.

I wish you would just be honest and let it all out! Just fucking tell me! I don’t want the world. I want your honesty! Throw it all at me, for once, please! You ask the same of me all the time and it’s only fair you do the fucking same, right?

I want to sit down and talk with you. Just sit and talk, like we do. Where hours have passed and I’m still not bored of your voice or what you have to say. I want to understand. I don’t need you to share everything that is you, but I need to understand. Questions I will keep asking until you answer honestly.

I’m picking at this over and over and I’m afraid to tell you because I’m the strong one. The one no one ever has to worry about. The one everyone forgets to check on because she’s strong, she’ll be okay.

I’m not strong.

I’m tired.

I’m confused.

I’m hurt.

My feelings won’t just go away. I’ve tried. This fucking sucks. I’m going to have to watch you try again. Maybe with the same people, maybe new people. I’m going to watch all of them be enough to make it work while I’m left feeling like I failed somehow.

Dynamics and relationships change and end. I know that. I’m not an idiot. I’m just angry ours ended before it got started and the unknown is eating at me.

How can everything about a relationship feel like it clicks and just flows, end like that?! I know I ended it, lol. So I know how it ended. I just don’t understand how or why we got to that point! Why did everything have to ruin it.

Why couldn’t you have done better. For me. Was I not worth doing better for?? Am I not worth the effort to do better and be better?

Fuck. I’m spiraling now and make no sense. I’m not going back. I’m not going to jump back into the same shit. I sound needy and desperate here and I fucking hate that, but I know what I mean. I know I mean after time and working through shit.

I’m just trying to find out if I should have hope or not… I’m trying to figure out the shit in my head.

I’m trying.

I’m tired.

I’m hurt.

Im losing hope.

[maddgical-boy]

Ahh good to know- I'm so glad I asked haha, I didn't want to annoy you with too many messages but I also didn't want to seem like I'd ghosted you if it hadn't gone through.

Alright, let's see how much of the previous message I can remember :D

The Council was officially formed around the same time that vampire hunts started, as a way to protect/separate themselves from humans (kind of like MACUSA, if you've ever watched Fantastic Beasts?). Even as people stopped believing in vampires, the Council was still very wary and occasionally hostile toward humans.

Currently, there are about twenty members. Although there's no official leader, some are more powerful/respected than others. The Council's main job now is communication/relations/etc between different groups (factions, ig?) of vampires all over the world. They also have some influence over human governments, which they use to keep their own activity secret.

Felix and Felicity come from one of the families that originally formed the Council, so they were both pretty much guaranteed a spot, although they're pretty low-ranking. Before joining the Council, Felicity spent a lot of time around other vampires, picking up their "humans are dangerous and inferior" mindset. Felix mostly lived alone, and over the years he even made some human friends, so he was a lot more skeptical of the Council's ideology.

However, he didn't fully trust humans until Bailey. His human friends never found out he was a vampire- as soon as they noticed anything "weird" about him, like the fact that he didn't seem to age/eat/etc, he gradually cut off contact to protect them from the Council.

I have a bit more about the Council's involvement in human government (which is actually connected to how Felix and Bailey met) but I don't want to get too ramble-y rn :) Anyway it makes me so so so happy that you like my paras, it's awesome to have someone I can talk to about this :D (and hell yeah welcome to the Alan Hate Club)

-🎆💜

oooh i see!! (and sorry you had to write all that again 😭 tumblr evil)

the council is giving me sort of seele or yotsuba group vibes (can you tell i think about two (2) things these days, jeez) LMAO i see "mysterious group/corporation" and my brain searches for Connections. bUUUT i vibe with this council. hard. i do think it's kinda funny how to the vampires of this council, humans are both dangerous (of course, vampirephobia or whatever such word) but also inferior to them? like "i am scared of you 😔 but also you're dead to me 😎💥💥" truly the duality of man. duality of vamp.

also is vampirism genetic or do they make their babies into vampires? or children when they grow old enough (like a ceremony is what im envisioning or some type of coming of age?)

PLEASE tell me about how the council influences the governments, i love that shit (also is this an unexpected meet-cute?? felix and bailey omg)

also if there are different factions of vampires around the world, im interested in like the different cultures of these vampires if that makes sense? though, i only know about like one other vampire-type figure and that's the chinese jiangshi ( ´ ▽ ` ；) <- guy who knows nothing about vamps

[vampyre-rat]

my brother and sister (12/13) are having a sleepover at my house tonight and as im making dinner my brother comes up and asks:

"can we listen to swears? not say them but just listen to them bc theres this game we want to play..."

"uh yeah- do you want a fork? or will you eat your spring rolls with your hands"

like idk why you're even asking me dude no one in our family can string together a sentence without cursing 😭

anyway fast forward a few hours, theyre brushing their teeth and talking about "tickle testicle tag" and laughing their heads off. truly the duality of preteens i guess...

[blackvahana]

making asunder take notes for me

ritual doesnt have to be - oh god. making asunder take notes and now im making myself speak linearly. foul play. terrible. cruel. fuck it i do it myself

ritual doesnt have to be an either/or mass permanent initiation or small one. in fact... seeing it this linearly is not a good idea. Its also not in the spirit of these things. It's Madness Apotheosis, not apotheosis through madness but the apotheosis of Madness itself, where it reaches its highest point and becomes self-self instead of other-self and self-other

This is the reason Progenitor is such an anchoring symbol with these things, the idea of incubating an entire being that is not you, or siring one, or otherwise forming an entire new way of perceiving the world that is birthed and given to the rest of reality... The idea of these rituals and communion is to be reborn into another state through the womb, except the womb is internal - it's fully giving you the womb to rebirth yourself.

the idea that they create shifts inside you... Yeah, they're programming your biology like bio parents programme your body, except its not, except it is, except its not. Its a set of mirrors, not gametes. Its internally reflecting your own gametes back on to yourself and into themselves, weaving Fate with Free Will, causing a new state of being and therefore a new causation, but that causation was you the entire time

the initiatory process.... They rework things anyway. Theyre bottom feeders, they have their own processes, they enter the bodies en masse - as in your bodies en masse, all your energies and aspects and whatnot as bodies, them as a singular creature - and i think thats what the role of the Mother here is. In the way that the womb is the original uninverted birth, the eye is the womb inverted.

I really. i mean. ill be straight up the temptation to take that mask and just tell people to cut off and eat my flesh in order to See what the mira are doing... but very few would do that lmfao. so i think some sort of ritual of immersing yourself "in the womb" - probably why they pull me towards the sea, thats a Progenitor Space - temporarily in order to take them in would allow vision of what theyre doing

Do i think you need vision of what theyre doing? Yes, because this is a ritual of duality incarnating

[hyunverse]

the duality of all skz is enough to make us insane as is and then he does a flirty smile like that w HIS GIANT ARMS OUT AND IM LIKE jdidifiwidkdjdjwicc

i’m addicted to all their music banks outfits tbh and their performance was so well done. it makes me happy to see them getting so much recognition. and the crowd was so good 🙏🏼

poor channie w his bug bites tho ☹️☹️ the way the hotel receptionist was just like “oh okay 😁 thanks” is like ??????? HUH ??? and he just went back to sleep after ???? i said to my friend i would’ve been 1. freaking out and 2. LIVID bc he wasn’t offered a room change like what ?? 😭

anddddd did you see felix’s paris pics he posted on bubble ? he is so beautiful it hurts 💔 his outfits were so nice, skz is such little fashionistas i love it

sobbing i am so late at replying 💔 schedule be driving me INSANE. anyway!! hi baby

skz duality is top tier. like the bts of hyunjin’s aotm, when he was practicing the choreo. he was showing the choreographer his lunatic acting, and then got shy?? how is he sexy but so cute at the same time?? like bro i wanna make out with him but at the same time keep him in my pocket LOL

they’re getting so big ☹️ cannot wait for lollapalooza!!! they’re gonna be so good omg. i always love it when hyunlix is in paris like paris is MADE for them. esp hyune!!! yesyes i saw the felix paris pics, he looks so darling. i love jeongin and hyune’s too!!! them just eating a baguette LOL it’s so cute ☹️ also the museum pics ☹️ and and hyune seungmo innie hanging out MY HEARTTTR MY TOP THREE FAVS!! EVER!!

no bcs SAME i wouldve been LIVID. free my man chan!!!

missing them dearly after the maniac tour. when am i ever gonna see vids of hyune thrusting the air now 💔 life isn’t the same anymore.

sending u sooo many kisses, angel!! mwamwamwamwamwa

[rillette]

As a former gremlin kid (as in my school would be like “just don’t go past that one white line” and I’d skip class just so they’d find me sitting one inch from the white line) I adore ur robin jason so much

TYSM!!! I was also a little shithead kid we are brothers in arms 😈🤝😈

[mcytegg]

ive changed my mind have another dualities s5 sc

[meedough]

the boyz as types of drinks

this is my take on what kind of drinks the boyz would be sort of half serious / half joking :)

tw: food + alcohol (pls let me know if there is any i missed)

sangyeon: our sangyeon is the leader and oldest member of tbz. i don’t know if anyone remembers that iconic late night vlive where it started off with just hyunjae, changmin, juyeon , sunwoo and jacob and slowly the other members started to show up. but anyways someone asked “5-year old Sangyeon or 50-year old Sangyeon” and hyunjae was like there is no difference -_-. like he’d still call 5 year old sangyeon hyung. which makes me think of sangyeon as ginseng tonic  (im sorry sangyeon ily). its just something i feel only old people drink. 

jacob: jacob’s sweet like too sweet, but i feel like that idea of jacob is slowly changing with “the stealer” and “maverick” (these eras of jacob have a chokehold on me). what i am getting at is that he has a duality. jacob is like a shirley temple. in the sense that there are layers to the drink before you mix it, its visuals are amazing but then you mix it together and the alcohol is the secret to the drink. 

younghoon: what i find so cute about younghoon is his emotions. how he can’t hide them; when they got their first win (i believe) and sangyeon was filming him crying and he was so pouty ;-;. so for younghoon i give him milk. just normal plain white milk for the only reason of the saying “don’t cry over spilt milk”. 

hyunjae: oh hyunjae personally what drink i’d relate hyunjae to is tequila. you’re probably like mido explain why tequila. tequila is a drink you shouldn’t like but you do. you keep wanting to take shots knowing that you’re going to either 1. throw up or 2. pass out. he gives me like the boy you shouldn’t like but you do vibes. i blame his teasing nature ( i simp for hyunjae its not even funny) 

juyeon:  i’ll be honest juyeon is still kind of grey space to me, i don’t want to call him shy because something tells me that he isn’t. what makes me think that he’s not shy and actually slightly chaotic this past years halloween costume ( every photo of juyeon cracked me up). to me a chaotic drink is hot chocolate. always too hot (like juyeon ;) ). or if you don’t ratio it right and its too watery and not enough chocolate but for the most part its pretty good 

kevin:  kevin as bagged milk.  i give kevin bagged milk for his chaotic energy. it flows through him. him twerking during kingdoms field day and the rest of the members just being so so embarrassed, but he doesn’t care. he’s just doing him. bagged milk is like that too its just doing its own thing. 

chanhee: chanhee is always put together even when he’s in casual wear its still put together. i just love everything about chanhee, even his mannerisms compared to the other boys. that video of sunwoo absolutely devoring the chocolate bar then chanhee gently eats a piece from his hand after. so i want to give chanhee iced coffee. just a drink thats a classic and you can’t go wrong with it and the aesthetic around it just screams chanhee

changmin: q as lemonade. sweet and sour is exactly changmin. with thrill ride he perfectly fits the concept, with the smile and everything (he’s just so cool). the sour in changmin comes from when he gets a lil agressive. locking chanhee in a room with him to beat him up after betraying him. locking sunwoo and eric in a room so he could bite them. he has a nice balance of both sweet and sour. 

haknyeon: hak as lime slushies, lime slushies are underrated (like hak). they deserve so much more recognition / praise (like hak). i just want to ramble abt hak (sorry friends) but recently in one of the videos they did to promote maverick they were playing a game and he took out younghoon and eric in one swoop because they were distracted and then felt back and brought them back later on in the game. (he’s so cute)

sunwoo: sunwoo as mocha lattes. sunwoo gives me such a warm feeling, like a mocha he’s still in between like a teenager / adult stage in the same sense that a mocha is like a grownups hot chocolate. sunwoo is a mix of like confident and shy. when he’s rapping im not going to even sugarcoat it he’s hot but that video of him asking jacob how to say “i’ll think about it” in english is so cute. 

eric: our youngest eric! eric is very loud and energetic so for some reason i want to say he’s an energy drink but that’s too obvious so i’ll go with a milkshake. the amount of sugar in a milkshake will 100% send you into sugar rush. milkshakes are sweet (like eric) and still generally kid like (if that makes sense). eric is playful and still loves to mess around which makes him feel so much younger ( im making him sound likes he’s 87 he’s still so young ;-;)

[imaginethathaikyuu]

day and night

inspired by the duality of insecurity and appreciation, and the way they often reflect each other in ways you wouldn’t expect

do i already have a fic called day and night? i dont know and at this point im too afraid to check

akaashi keiji x gender neutral reader  word count: 1356 tags: fluff, descriptions of akaashi’s insecurity, established relationship, cuddling, this is a fic about me and akaashi 

if u see any typos no u didn’t.

-

He hated the way his mind became so empty in moments like these. 

The bedside lamp shouldn’t be on, not so late, not while you were sleeping, but you never complained when you heard the flip of the switch and the opening of Keiji’s book. You slept through it. You tended to do that. 

Why?

He couldn’t figure it out. The reason you looked over everything he did wrong hid from him. It made no sense, really, the way you ate his over cooked meals with a straight face, or how you patiently undid the way he folded your clothes and fixed them to your liking, or when you slept with the light on while he read even though he knew you hated it. 

You hated it. His cooking and his folding and his light, his mismatched socks and his new cologne and his impatience. Keiji sat, and he watched you sleeping, his book in his lap and his glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose, knowing you hated all of these things about himself that he wouldn’t change, and still, there wasn’t a thought going through his head. His book had been forgotten. He was just looking at you. 

You put up with a lot. Likely too much. His alarm clock woke you up early while he slept right through it. Texts you send throughout the day go unnoticed by him. Late nights at work keep you up and waiting for him, just to watch him lock himself up in his office for another three hours of work. 

It wasn’t like these traits about him were new, but they were louder, now. They were blaring and obvious and bothersome and every positive thing he brought to this relationship seemed so goddamn quiet. 

That’s how Keiji felt. Quiet. It wasn’t an emotion, yet it was the only word he could think of to describe this insignificance. Maybe fragile was a better word. 

He closed his book. He placed it on the nightstand and let his glasses join it. Finally the light could be turned off, and maybe you would sleep more peacefully now. He threw his arm over your waist and pulled your back against his chest, trying to rid all of that distance, trying to fill the silence with your warmth. 

He’d lay awake for another hour. 

-

You heard it before your mind and body even woke up, and you knew what it was without needing to come out of your dream: that damn alarm. 

God, was it loud - it pierced your ears, it seemed loud enough to shake the walls and damage your hearing, and maybe it was because you had just woken up, but you could hardly stand it. 

Opening your eyes was the hardest thing you had ever done. Everything was fuzzy and foggy, you tried to blink it away but you couldn’t, and all you cared about was getting rid of that noise. 

You climbed over a still sleeping Keiji to reach his phone and shut it off, knowing that the alarm would ring again in ten minutes time, and your energy had run out. You collapsed on top of him, the crook of his neck becoming your new pillow and his chest your mattress. 

In a sleepy daze you wore a smile, wondering how on Earth he sleeps so soundly through the loudest alarm you’d ever heard. He doesn’t even move when you land on him, and he only continues to snore when his second alarm rings out. 

Like always, you’d let him sleep longer than you should. He’d be running late, but neither of you would care too much. It had become the routine, and you weren’t about to break this habit. You needed the time with him and Keiji needed the sleep. 

It was nice to be awake before him, and you had learned to get over the frustration that came with hearing that dreaded alarm clock. It wasn’t very difficult when you got to wake up to Keiji, who was comfort personified. He was the consolation to early, loud mornings. 

As you laid there, cuddling into his heated skin, listening to his breathing and his snoring and his heart beating, all you could focus on was how much you missed him. 

Sometimes these mornings were all you had with him. Your work schedules didn’t match - granted, Keiji’s schedule matched no one’s - and neither did your sleeping routines. Even when you stayed up late for him, even when he came home for lunch, even when you both had the same day off, there was just never enough time in the day. 

You never had enough of him. You wished you could become a sponge and soak all of him up - leave nothing behind, keep all of this golden man to yourself forever. It was a kind of selfishness you’d take pride in, if such an act was possible. 

But even though you missed him so much, even though letting him get out of bed every morning was harder than it should have been, you always sent him off with a kiss. You always reminded him you loved him. As proud as you were of yourself for reeling in the prize catch that was Akaashi Keiji, you were infinitely more proud of him - of his drive, of his work, of his charm. Proud of every success and failure. Of everything he provides and everything he strives for. Even as he struggled to tie his necktie in the morning, or missed important deadlines, or let himself become more distant than he should. There was always some amount of pride in there, and you never had to look hard to find it. 

Originally, you were going to let him sleep in this morning. He deserved it. But now, the more you thought about it - you’d much rather wake him up early. You deserved it. 

Your lips molded to the edge of his jawline as you grabbed his arm, slowly and surely shaking him awake. 

“Kei.” 

He grunted, then hummed, then whined. He tried to roll over but your weight on top of him held him down, though he hadn’t even realized you were there. Fists dragged along his eyes and feet kicked the blanket away with a big stretch - every morning was the same. 

“Gotta get up, babe,” you said before a yawn, and he pretended not to hear you. You only shook his shoulder harder.

“No,” he griped, and finally he opened his eyes, only to shut them tight. “Going in late today.” 

“You said you’d make me breakfast.” 

“You said you’d rather go without,” he said with a tired laugh trailing his words. 

He found the strength to roll the two of you over, tucking himself into you the way you had cuddled into him, and you gave his hair a tug. A warning to say, you better not fall asleep. 

“I was kidding,” you said. “Want you to make me something. Please.” 

He gave a groan, one you knew meant fine, but his arms tightened around you, and his legs twisted around yours, and he had nothing more to say. 

“Keiji.” 

“Five minutes, babe.” 

Keiji knew the two of you would be there for longer than that, and you did, too. He knew it could’ve been a bother, but you relaxed into bed, anyway, and let him do as he pleased. 

“Goodnight, then.” 

“Love you.” 

You laughed. “Goodnight.” 

And he squeezed your waist, making you jump. “Say it back.” 

“I will, when you bring me my burnt breakfast in bed.” 

“I will,” he sighed. “In five more minutes.” 

It wouldn’t be just five more minutes. That would be inevitable. But he would bring you the breakfast he promised, and it would all be as burnt as you expected. That would be inevitable, too. 

But you would eat it. And Keiji was glad that all of these things were a cherished certain, things he couldn’t change, things you loved him for even though he tended to lose sleep over them. 

He tried his best. And you knew that without being told. And he appreciated it. 

[elysianslove]

hihi, can I request smth! Idk of this comply to your request rules cause I can't find it in your blog (sorry!!) The request is hc with Atsumu, Kuroo and Iwaizumi with an s/o that is considered a bitch by people. Like they don't let anyone walk all over them, people are scared of them but admire them esp in terms of academics but they're actually v loving and a big clumsy mess.

hii!! yeah i don’t really have a set of rules for requesting mainly cause i couldn’t think of any haha, but your request is more than okay! i’ve been obsessing nonstop over atsumu especially recently, and today wasn’t the best of days for me, so this was nice to write heh. thank you for requesting it. i hope you enjoy <3

miya atsumu 

atsumu is obsessed w you

seriously, he is just enamored by you. the way you hold your ground and always stand up for yourself, never letting anyone saying anything about you pass by you, your presence so intimidating. he loves it so much. he’s especially fond of the way you’re not even a bitch, you’re just confident in who you are, and everything you’re good at.

he observes from afar at first, the way people shrink in comparison to you regardless of your height. your aura just seems so. powerful? he really wants to approach you, and because this is miya atsumu, the first thought that crosses his mind is this person needs to be mine <3 no he will not take criticism.

so he does. approaches you, introduces himself in a way like you’re already meant to know who he is and he’s just doing you a favor. his heart breaks into tiny little pieces when you just go, “sorry, but no.” 

like literally just that you don’t go in detail or anything. you just reject him so plain and simple it’s actually worse than a full fledged out angry rejection. osamu’s so impressed he ready to have you added to his future will. 

he grows on you, though, over time. atsumu’s so quitter, and your rejection had only spurred him on. he would’ve backed off, because is a consent king, as they all are and should be, but you’re always so prepared with a quip back at him and you never actually push him away. it’s like a flirty game of tug of war between you two. eventually, he asks you out again, and just for old time’s sake, you jokingly say no lmao. all blood drains from his face that you actually kinda feel bad.

generally, he’s very proud to have you as his s/o. he himself has dealt with people constantly being put off by him and his attitude, so to see you deal with it so well is kind of? encouraging? uplifting? yk? 

he also likes how people are both scared of you and admire you. like. he relates to them! you’re incredible! 

he’s always snickering when he sees a student approach you literally trembling like a leaf and asks for your help in something academics related. you always say yes, which is something that just. pinches at his heart. the student is also always so surprised at the fact that you’re willing to help. god. atsumu will never have enough of their reactions to you. 

when you grow more comfortable with each other, and he discovers what you’re truly like, the person you really are beneath, atsumu just straight up falls in love. he didn’t think you could be any more perfect for him, honestly. 

he’s loves the way people are so intimidated by you but he knows that just a few minutes ago you were doodling little hearts in his notebook. 

a part of him wants so many more people to be aware that sometimes you can trip over air, and that you’re not as elegant and stoic as everyone thinks you are, but then he’s reminded of the fact that only he knows you’re truly like this, and he shakes that part of him off. atsumu genuinely adores knowing this additional, secret part of you. he doesn’t think you’re fake at all for having what’s seemingly a facade. he just thinks not enough people know what you’re truly like, and that you’re a gem, truly. 

he’s also like weirdly obsessed with the two of you as a couple? he knows people are intimidated by him, and it’s so painfully obvious people are intimidated by you. he just. eats that shit up. 

he’d also be really supportive if it ever gets to you. super ready to fight anyone. he’ll always tell you “these fake bitches don’t matter babe we the only real ones 😼💯” god havejkdkd 

anyways i been fantasizing about having miya atsumu as my bf somebody help im going insane 

kuroo tetsurō

kuroo knows of you. everybody does. you’re like, exceptionally good at being one of the most talked about people and also being the most mysterious person in school. the duality has him heart eyes for you. 

what probably catches his attention is the way people talk about you, in general, but specifically regarding academics. he overhears a group of people like whispering to each other about you while you’re just standing there minding your own business. they’re just encouraging one of them to approach you and kuroo’s like hm ! let me butt in bc why not ! 

as a joke, he slides up next to you and points at the group of students and whispers, “they’re talking about you.” 

this obviously ticks you off and without looking back you stomp over to the students and just go, “if you have something to say about me say it to my face!” and kuroo’s just watching like ,,, damn that’s hot. the students are so confused and ten times more scared than they first were and one of them just squeaks out that they only wanted to ask for help and you just , “oh. okay! :D.” kuroo’s just ,,, he’s losing his damn mind. 

he finds you really interesting, honestly, the way you’re just so strong? like mentally especially. you’re really mature, and you have a strong sense of self. he admires that about you, and continues to love that even when you start dating. 

he does ask you out, and he’s a little surprised you said yes, he’s not gonna lie. but you did, from the first time, and he just took you out to a simple picnic date. it was very cute, and the whole time he made you laugh and you were a completely different person than what he had first seen and expected. 

he really likes the fact that you’re really confident in yourself in that you won’t let anyone step on you or walk all over you. like he just loves watching you hand someone’s ass to them because they decided they wanted to make a smart comment about you. seriously, he’s insanely in love with it. 

he realizes pretty quick that the only reason people are so thrown off by you or are scared to approach you is because no one really gives you a chance to be yourself? like they’re always expecting the worst from you, having heard all these terrible things about you that half aren’t even true, that they don’t even bother trying to get to know you. and that fact really bothers him a lot, he’s not gonna lie, because he believes you’re the best person he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting. 

he really loves that you don’t let it bother you though. he’s impressed with how it doesn’t matter if some friends turn out fake, because, in your words, “good riddance.” 

the two of you kind of feed off each other’s energies? like he’s super confident in himself, and so are you, so you two only benefit each other in your presences. 

to put it simply, kuroo is incredibly impressed with who you are as a person, and it warms his heart so much how you’re so incredible of a person in so many ways, in that you neither let anything pass you by, and in that you’re the cutest, kindest soul he knows. 

iwaizumi hajime

brat tamer #1 <3 

i think iwa genuinely doesn’t care. not about you! about the things people say. like he hears so many rumors about you and he’s like .... ok. oikawa’s always feeding them to him but he’s just? not bothered by it? doesn’t care? it’s irrelevant information for him anyways? 

but then. 

but then. 

he walks past a scene where he sees you just destroying this poor kid. you’re verbally destroying him. the kid’s buried six feet under at this point. you’re not even yelling, but the guy’s shrinking under your gaze and your words and iwazumi’s so mesmerized by the way you do it so flawlessly. you don’t stutter because you’re so sure of your words and so confident in your stance. iwazumi. hums in approval. like. hm. good for them. as they should. 

after that he starts paying more attention to anything he hears about you, because he wants to know more. he doesn’t know why. he just does. and then he hears all these different things like “they’re so good at everything they do they can’t be real” and “i would never speak to them if they were the last person on earth” like ? he’s so confused WHICH IS IT

so, because iwaizumi’s a pretty straightforward person, he approaches you. 

do not confuse this though, because iwa is a blushing and flustered mess as he asks you to hang out. he’s never done this before, and this is not his style, but he’s just so interested in who you are as a person he was doing it before he realized it happened. 

the way you react is so? sweet? 

it’s so different than that day he saw you murdering that guy for talking smack, you seem so light and loving he actually feels his heart beat a little too fast in his chest. 

as his s/o, iwaizumi likes that he can trust you with yourself. like a part of him will always have that protective side to him, because that’s just the person iwa is, and he’ll always feel the need to step up and speak for you. but another part of him is really amazed by the way you can and are so able of speaking up for yourself. he feels really proud at the lack of insecurity. 

he also feels really smug about being with you. because he knows people are intimidated by him, and especially by you, but now that you’re together, he feels untouchable, and he knows you are too. he likes that feeling of power a little too much. 

if you ever step out of line at some point, iwaizumi will definitely let you know. he’ll point it out, and if you resist, he knows how to get you down off the pedestal. he’s had brat taming training for years lmao 

but he doesn’t think you’re a brat, not at all. in fact, he thinks you’re the sweetest person ever. he loves the versatility of your personality and attitude, in that you’re not just black and white and there’s so much more to you, there’s always grey in between. he likes that you’re endlessly dimensional and that he’s always learning something new about you. 

he especially loves the side of you that’s so soft spoken. it’s so endearing to him how you’re one moment so angry you could murder someone in cold blood but then all of a sudden you’re pinching his cheeks and kissing the tip of his nose telling him how cute he is. 

yeah iwa really loves you hehe <3

[37q]

eating disorder tw but its not the main focus rly i dont think hm wait ok maybe.. mostly gender talk actually

anyways personalizing "it's incredible what women will come up with if left to their own devices" for a sec: ive had trouble articulating this recent phenomenon in my life but lately ive been working on the values i hold "capability" to and the ways that i allow those values to make decisions for me instead of just living life with whimsy.

still caught up in optics as ive always been maybe as a disease of childhood transness but far better than i used to be and yet! im always weighing how material, physical empowerment will be gendered! i saw a quote a while back from like this one transfems lil memoirs and a conversation she had w a friend abt their eating disorder i think? and the friend was like yeah i mean transition and life as a woman has been excruciating enough already but whats another pain if itll help me pass? or whatever. im so scared of gaining any mass anywhere above my waist!!! i wanna throw up thinking about it!!!! oh my god ive never said that before i feel so sick!!!!!

anyways i struggle w NOT presenting weakness or frailty when im fearful of a gendering Eye of Patriarchy or fuckin. male panopticon inside my head but thats the thing! 🥰 ive been divorcing from that panoptic on my head lately! its still there lowkey but my drive to make my life better has been overcoming that adolescent "avoid male interests at all costs" fear :)

so now im like fascinated by like engineering again im thinking of ways to produce more effective hand rests on the bottom of my steering wheel (maybe i wont even have to remove the plastic on the wheel if im good enough at making sockets? for the rests if i make them attachable via clip :3c) and ive been making moves to get into woodworking and throwing together rudimentary furniture which is just so different than what id previously felt abt it. ive been fixing things so often lately like OBSESSED with getting tools for problems i understand 40 year old dads now. that thought is what kills me n saves me tho interestingly enough

what had previously been like a grand gendering process of establishing my princess status (its still there tho) had actually just been reinforcing the unhealthy habits i used to get there in the sense of physical and emotional weakness -- going largely untreated for like 3 or 4 disorders which either obliterate my prefrontal cortex, the integrity and efficacy of my synaptic response in neurotransmission, or my reception of the macro resources necessary to maintain basic body function to name a few... but like theres something to be said for how explicitly gendered it is to be starved-stupid crazy weak and feminine as fuck. not assigning values to those terms (anymore) i was just like leaning into being insanely unwell and calling it a gender role. which tbf is like the predominant myth ALSHSLFHDKD...

... but also im working on stepping away from internalizing a relationship w the myth of gender and using that reaction as my behavioral starting point! (affirmation and argument time) im not a man, i wont even trip and fall into manhood no matter what endeavors i pursue! no matter how much goes on in others ppls heads! there is no way to look at or engage with the world in an explicitly man way because life doesnt actually function on categorical dualities, not to mention bimodal distributions! and thats lesbianism (and therapy) at work! like no presumption of a male occupation of an Entire Sector Of Life And Economy and working on that latent projection of gendered insecurities (and thus production of gendered karma in my materialization of such a projection via action or inaction) onto a life thats literally Just Life Dude. i literally make it. the future doesnt exist yet and the only value it has it the karma we bring to it and take from it!

huge mood change ugh solemn now im forgetting the śūnyatā of the self, the śūnyatā of its form, the śūnyatā of the conception of form itself... of course its only determined internally via extant thought forms and reproduced via tangible, material projection... thats literally the whole racket! of course im suffering with it!!!!!!!!

sooooo yeah im working on recognizing impermanence and encouraging WWP (wonder whim play) just as long as i dont root it in a sense of stability or security! currently that security comes from my sense of any (patriarchal obvi) gendering processes at work in any social situation at hand so i could work on 1. shallowly, my proximity to men or 2. conventionally, my personal processes of projection and reaction to a psychological proximity to men or 3. ultimately, my necessity to ground my "sense of self" in an illusory, impermanent, and universally imprisoning process extant to saṃsāra such as the social mechanisms of gender. i dont even have to fight to have a name for what my wife n i got goin on not because its too complex or too hard but literally i dont care. my words are as empty as yours

[binunus]

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh 

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest 

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you’re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i’d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...? 

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21