#anyways if anyone needs me i'll be over there. crying lmao

[bratphilia]

one last phone call

summary: Mike calls you one last time while he's on shift.

note: once again written before i actually saw the movie, so there's definitely divergence in what actually happens in the plot.

pairing: mike schmidt x reader

tags: phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation, mention of death, edging? LMAO

... ring ! ... ring ! ... ring !

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system..."

Of course you didn't pick up. It's 4 in the morning for fuck's sake. But there was something important about this call.

"Hey, baby... I'm sorry to call you at such a bad time — I'm awful, I know," Mike says with a small laugh.

"I just wanted to, you know, talk before... nevermind, I'll spare you the details. Uhm, I-uh.. I love you. More than anything in the world. I hope you know that. And I wish I was there with you tonight. I wish I didn't take this fucking job, but I'll do anything to support us. I know that this is... probably the weirdest call you've ever gotten but... I just wanted to... nevermind. I'm not really good at this."

"Anyways... the reason I wish I was there with you right now is... I just can't stop thinking about earlier... how perfect you were, and always are. The way you sucked my cock and swallowed every last drop. The way your thighs framed my head while I ate you out, and the sweet taste of your pussy — I can still fucking taste it. And the way you rode me into oblivion, fuck — I'm getting hard just talking about it. Honestly, I've had a massive boner the whole night... actually, I wonder if I could just..." there's a sound of metal clinking, and the shifting of clothes.

"Ah, fuck," he sighs, "I can't believe I'm doing this here, but I need you so bad right now."

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He says over the phone, his tone is different, dropped down more octaves and his breathing is noticeable.  The sound of skin slapping is audible. "I wanna fuck you so bad right now. I wish I was there fucking you instead of sitting on my ass over here, just waiting to die. I want you to ride me again. The way your tits bounce up and down is so fucking sexy. I want to bite your fucking nipples too, so hard that you scream my name and beg me to stop. I love it when you beg me. Like that time I edged you, eating you out and fingering you, until you started crying and whining for me to let you come already, or just fuck you. Shit — ah — wanna hit it from the back, too. Your ass is so fucking sexy from behind. I would grip your hair and push your face into the pillows. We would just fuck, and fuck, and fuck..."

Suddenly, there's loud footsteps. Loud enough that you could hear them from the over the phone. Then the sound of a slam, like a door shutting loudly.

"Fuck me, already? Give it a fucking rest... hah — I think one of those robots just saw my dick, babe. Good, it might shoo them away for the night... kinda shocked I didn't get blue balls from that. Maybe I like being watched. Maybe we'll get one of my friends to come over and watch us. You could put on a real show for them, yeah? Maybe I'll let them take a turn on you... I'm just kidding, I'd never share you with anyone."

"...back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... I want to stick my cock inside you as soon as I get home. Maybe even while you're asleep. Maybe I'll wake you up by eating your pussy. But for now, I just can't stop thinking about fucking you. The way you feel around me is like my own personal heaven. And the way you clench so it fits tighter, even though you deny it, it's so fucking hot.. and.. and.."

His breathing gets more labored. But there's a banging sound on the door. However, Mike keeps going.

"They're here, you know, but fuck, I'm so close. I wish you picked up — fuck, you could be there to help me. Your voice is all I need to come. You could make me spill with just one sentence, you know that? Fuck, fuck, fuck — no!"

A loud crashing sound resounds over the phone. It's the sound of a door breaking. And then the call cuts off.

You listen to that call the next day, at least a hundred times. You touched yourself to it the first time, but the end made you stop. It haunted you. You clung onto it as closure for what the hell happened to your boyfriend, and why he didn't come home last night.

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[dum1s-writings]

Well, hello! It's nice to see an active total drama writer in here! I love this show so much and the fandom is like dead 💀

So, I had this idea...

It could be headcanons or a fic/one-shot, whatever you feel like the most!

But, what about the reaction to the TDWT crew to Chris bringing his niece with him?? Like, the reader is just a sweet 19 y/o teenager who looks for their safety and actually cares about them??? (Total contrary to his uncle lmao).

It doesn't have to be with one character specifically, most like how they would react overall to the reader wanting to protect them from Chris (AND PLEASE MAKE THE READER PROTECT CODY FROM SIERRA I BEG U)

Anyways, have a nice day!!! <3

~~~The Nice McLean~~~

I fucking love Total Drama!! I firmly believe Leshawna should've won the first season. I'll try to add my least favorite characters from World Tour to avoid being biased.

Warnings: Chris McLean, Sierra's stalker behavior, attempted manipulation from Alejandro, Duncan being kind of an ass, does Cody being a crybaby count? I'm making it count.

Pronouns: They/Them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright contestants I have another surprise for you." Chris looked at the tired teens. From behind Chef came another teen. They smiled and waved to the other teens.

"Another contestant?" A few questioned simultaneously.

"Oh hell no. Their mother would kill me." Chris slung his arm around them and tugged them close. "This here is -Y/N- McLean, my nibling."

"Heya," their smile got bigger "I hope we can get along."

Everyone was too shocked to speak for a moment. Sierra was trying so hard not to flip her shit. Chris McLean's nibling was actually in front of her.

"So you're related to Chris?" Harold finally asked.

"Yeah. My mom is his sister." -Y/N- answered truthfully.

"Think of -Y/N- as a co-host. Another Chris of sorts." The older man smirked. "They'll keep an eye on you famous wannabes while I can't."

First of all we'll get the obvious out of the way, the cast fucking love you, after getting to know you. Obviously at first learning you're related to the devil host, Chris McLean, they immediately thought this season would be twice as torturous. But give them a couple of days or weeks and most of them would willingly jump from the plane for you. The others may take some time.

I'll start with the ones that take no time in becoming your fans:

Cody: for him the moment he saw you give a genuine smile was when he trusted you. Having dealt with Chris's shit for so long made him aware of a real and fake smile. Also when you demand Sierra leave him alone? Oh yeah he likes you even more now. Expect a lot of clinging, as much as he can, crying for one reason or another mostly Sierra and excessive praise for the small things.

Lindsay: my sweetheart, so pretty so.....not traditionally smart. She saw you looking super nice in your outfit and that was it. Anyone with fashion choices as good as yours are definitely trustworthy. Please become shopping buddies after the show is over.

Owen: this big lug. He really tries to see the good in everyone. More often than not he's wrong. But he's genuinely happy he's right about you.

Sierra: she knew about you before anyone else. Obviously she's going to trust you from the get go. You're related to THE Chris McLean. That trust may or may not waver...TBD. Either way watch yourself around her. Keep a close eye on your belongings.

The neutral ones who need a bit more time are:

Noah: he just doesn't trust easily. Take no offense to it. I think only Owen was lucky enough, being an actual giant ball of sunshine and stupidity. Perhaps if you sneak him some Noah-Safe food he'll trust you faster.

Gwen: poor girl has been scorned by the world so often. It's left her with a few trust issues. Maybe stick up for her and watch some good horror movies together. Reassurance is the key, she was painted as a bad guy from the beginning. Let her know she's more than that and it's okay to admit she did wrong. Help her move past that.

Leshawna: this bad bitch (lovingly) knows her worth. She wants to make sure others know it as well. Don't talk down to her and hype up her plans and ideas and she'll consider you worth her time and respect. Also keep Alejandro away from her. Please. My queen deserves better.

DJ: he's a softie and a Mama's boy. He does want to trust you. But after his failed restaurant with his Mama it might take some time. People in power never helped him or his Mama. In fact he wonders if they were sabotaged. Help him find ways to "reverse his curse" and he'll definitely trust you, also maybe offer his Mama a job as a chef, especially if it's a higher position in a private kitchen.

The ones who just straight up dislike you and take a long time to like you are:

Alejandro: his family caused him so much trauma. He doesn't trust ANYONE. He may act like it, nodding to your advice and being nice. But alas tis all a front. He's really just waiting for the perfect moment to betray you. When that time comes and goes and you're still nice to him? Yeah....you may have started chipping away at his walls.

Heather: the queen bee. The head of every group project. Highschool taught her to look out for herself. So did the first two seasons of Total Drama. She'll bitch at you and talk shit about you "behind" your back. Just brush it off and continue being nice and you'll win her over, eventually.

Courtney: the Type A Psychotic Crazies and debate team caused Courtney to believe only Courtney can help Courtney. She'll refuse to trust you and judges those who do. In fact it's not until she's kicked off will she finally trust you. Maybe meet up after the show and talk to her, she'll apologize to you and own up to her wrongdoings.

Duncan: the runaway delinquent. The hardass he is doesn't trust you, purely because of your last name. Chris ruined his life, more than he himself could have. Being stalked no matter where he went for 2 years put him on edge. Abolish Chris's stupid "must always sing" rule and his opinion on you might change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hopefully this works. I didn't know what to do for most of it. I was winging it big time.

[burgerrat]

@hofnarrofficial said: gimme everything you got just bury me alive (only if thats possible ofc lmao)

Ok.

Turbo's favourite movie is Herbie: Fully Loaded

He has ALWAYS been flamboyant/effeminate like you see King Candy being. I hate seeing people portray Turbo as this perpetually grumpy/angry bitter person all the time all because of the revelation scene being the one 'real scene' we have of Turbo in his original form. The reason why Ralph wouldn't recognize the similar behaviour pattern is because he didn't know Turbo well enough since he rarely ever left his own game unless it was to go to Tapper's to have a root beer and brag about winning to anyone who'd listen (mainly Felix). Need a 'draw/write Turbo being silly and goofy like King Candy is' solidarity.

Contrary to popular belief, he does like the color pink- he just has a very specific preference for that particular salmon shade of pink.

Turbo and the twins all had racecar beds to sleep in back in TurboTime.

Candybug's desire to take over the entire arcade at the end of the movie is his new cy-bug coding speaking; all Turbo has ever wanted is to race again and be in the spotlight. He would struggle to control his bug instincts not just in terms of resisting beacons of light but also in terms of acting upon intrusive thoughts in general. Mix that with anger and hopelessness that he'll likely never be able to drive again in this new form and you've got the perfect recipe for disaster, because what more does he have to lose?

Do not misunderstand: I too dislike the trope of 'he's just misunderstood' since that is far from the truth, but that doesn't mean he can't have moments where you feel empathy for him (at least in my case): you are programmed to be the protagonist of your world, the best, that is your sole purpose in the life you have. You become addicted to the attention you recieve- foolishly not thinking once that it's possible that may not be the same thing tomorrow. Once that is suddenly taken away, you don't understand why- you're the best. And because you are the best, instead of processing your losses normally, you won't let go. You're instead determined to take back what was rightfully yours. By any means possible. Making the biggest mistake of your life- you kill not just your neighbors but your own home out of impulse. You are to blame for the choice you took- guilt becomes rage, rage becomes bitterness, bitterness becomes calculative; why cry over spilled milk? The damage is done, and your code is desperately crying out to do what you were made to do: race. All you can do is start anew... don't dwell on the past if you want to have the spotlight again, processing your mistake doesn't matter anyway; and so, once a new racing game is in town- you'd be frothing at the mouth to hop in after decades of isolation, wouldn't you? You'd do anything, if you were that desperate and awfully selfish.

This leads us to the following: Turbo had a mental breakdown during his years of isolation, mainly because he was unable to race; this is why he laughs and giggles no matter the mood he's in as King Candy. It's a form of tic.

This might be a bit OOC? But whatever. Hilariously enough King Candy is a somewhat decent(take that with a grain of salt, I'll elaborate in a moment) fatherly figure: he treats the SR racers like they're his adopted kids. I say somewhat decent because of course he completely excludes Vanellope and because he picks favourites; Taffyta, Rancis and Candlehead are his golden children and because of that, he's sometimes willing to swallow his pride and let them cross the finish line before him.

Taffyta is VERY competitive and sometimes will get unreasonably aggressive to win and that's something KC admires in her because it reminds him so much of himself and the bond he used to have with the Twins, especially when competing. Another reason why Taffyta bullies Vanellope is because she knows King Candy dislikes her wish to compete and she feels like this is something that would please him regardless of his approval of it.

Again maybe kind of OOC-ish but I sincerely don't think Turbo outright hates Vanellope herself like. As a person; she has done nothing, but she does pose a threat to blowing his cover and he is not going to allow her. The one thing that bothers him a lot about her is her stubborness to race and always finding a way to weasel into the Random Roster Race. During the tunnel scene where he straight up becomes violent towards her, you can tell she's never seen him this angry to her before; this leads me to believe he never blew up on her before because, regardless of how much of a threat she posed for him; in his mind- he figured she likely would never really be in a situation where she would actually cross the finish line, and she's just a child, so why bother? Of course. That is until she sprints right past him on the race track and the rest is history. (And I have to clarify again I AM NOT justifying his actions; there is no 'justifying' any of it. This is an observation because of the reactions/expressions/etc. seen in the scene.)

Writing that previous hc reminded me of this and I just had to include it because I can SO see this happening 😭 it's hilarious and wholesome in a way.

I saw something about this on @king-crawler 's blog and I feel like I should bring this up bc it rubbed me the wrong way: I donno about you but to me, Turbo programming himself as King of Sugar Rush is not ego thing (not the main reason behind it at least!); it's to avoid suspicion in general within the game because ALL of the SR racers are children. It would be suspicious and really fuckin' weird to have a character programmed as an adult that isn't an NPC/side-character like Sour Bill or the donut cops to just be among them like nothing, regardless if he wipes their memories they (or other candy subjects) will question it. He's not stupid, in the game there's supposed to be a royal figure, no? So, it'd make perfect sense for that figure to be a supposedly 'wise' King that looks after all his subjects and makes sure rules aren't broken. So to me it's less of something done out of selfishness and more of just being able to go by unnoticed, he programmed himself as King to fit in with the whole 'monarchy' concept within SR. At the end of the movie when Vanellope says she doesn't want to be a princess, you get a little glimpse of how much the candy subjects depend and rely on a 'higher figure' to function.

As King Candy, he believes himself to be cute. (adding this side note just in case bc I shit you not this is genuinely something people have argued and mocked me over: don't come at me for this. I have my opinion, you have yours and I'm not going to change it for you; as a fan for a whole decade who has known in tge past other fans, there ARE people that find him cute as I do /gen /lh) He shamelessly indulges in that and he WILL use that as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants- sometimes playing with your emotions as well by tugging at your heart strings and overall painting himself to be a 'frail silly old man' in sn exaggerated manner so you'll give in to whatever he wants- and once you agree suddenly the 'frail' old monarch has an outburst of energy and joy, completely shedding off this fragile-pitiful facade.

Turbo has somehow rescued the Turbo Twins before his game was unplugged and I have evidence to prove this:

He has their codes tucked into his own (bad example I know but kind of like how an opossum mom keeps her joeys in her pouch); he keeps them in a dormant state this way by not allowing them to have separate code boxes of their own. The reasons behind this are simple: he doesn't want two characters that very obviously don't belong in the game to roam around freely, he has enough trouble with Vanellope as it is; and he knows that if he lets them awaken and respawn, they will criticize him for the path he chose to go down- and he doesn't want to deal with that because, for him, it would be pointless and it'd only bring frustration he doesn't need. He would rather keep them as ghosts of the past hidden in his pocket.

Speaking of Vanellope: Turbo is awfully envious of her driving skills, she's the first racer that has bested him on the track. Another selfish reason why he doesn't want her to race- goodness forbid a child beating you at what you're passionate about and arriving in second place.

When overly emotional- be it positive or negative feelings- King Candy would sometimes temporarily glitch back to his original form as Turbo because his code is old, filled to the brim with stuff, it's bound to have a few crack and tears here and there, like an old but still functioning car with a rusty engine; this issue has only accentuated after the glitching-exchange during the tunnel scene.

Speaking of which- because there were little to no censorships in 70's videogames, Turbo bleeds. It's pixelated blood because it cannot be processed through the programming of Sugar Rush since the game was not made to have any graphic themes in it. If one of the racers gets hurt- they quite literally just bleed coding.

Turbo often smokes.

Turbo sometimes gets sick of eating nothing but candy and will send out Sour Bill to get him something salty to eat from another game. He has his own little stack of junk food and other non-sweets within the castle.

He's not just the King of Candy, he's THE LORD OF THE DANCE! (watch at your own risk I warn you /hj)

CURSED JOKES ASIDE I unironically like to think he is a good dancer. Nobody beats him at tap-dancing and The Bus Stop. (He's from the 70's so it'd make sense he's familiar with a lot of funky/disco dance moves)

[wallofweird]

Looking for moots :)

So, I recently got addicted to My Chemical Romance, I don't know if it's a phase or permanent (have a feeling it's permanent because it's been a month and sometimes I cry with them but who knows, lol), but I would like to have people to talk about them with. :)

I've listened to most of the songs, but I believe there are songs out there I don't know where or how to find yet? Like, I know the four albums and the 'Conventional Weapons' songs, but sometimes I see people mentioning things I don't know. I just don't know if I'm unfamiliar with them or listened tot hem already, but don't recognize the acronyms and nicknames the fandom uses (like, for a while I didn't know what Conventional Weapons were even though I love them, LOL).

I've also seen multiple interviews and read a little bit about their story (I watched what I believe is a two-hour documentary too), but it's still not that much and there are a lot of things I need to learn... And just commenting about how much I love the songs as well, I would love to have people to chat about it all with. :)

So, if anyone is interested, you can send me you username on X/Twitter, or follow me over there (I follow everyone back). For now I'm @snsidontl0v3y0u (my nickname is Fae), but I think I'll change that username soon, so it's better if y'all send me yours and I'll follow.

For now, I'm not really using Tumblr and I apologize if my blog looks weird and messy, I haven't been here in months except for like 2 rare occasions, lmao... So, I can't make friends here. But I'm regularly on X/Twitter and would love to talk to people over there. :) I've already followed and got followed back by some fans, but they haven't really started any conversations and I don't want to be inconvenient or say something ignorant and sound like a poser, lmao (yes, I worry before stepping into fandoms, it's not y'all, it's me, I just can't help being too paranoid about everything).

And if can you send a DM so I know I can talk to you I'd appreciate, lol. I'd also love if anyone could send me important interviews, articles, threads, videos etc talking about their story as a band and individuals or just iconic performances... I don't know exactly where to look or what's reliable or not yet. :p

I just want to make sure I go to people that do want to spend time chatting and won't bother anyone, lol. I'm in my 20s and I love Demi Lovato and Faouzia as well, just so you know. Anyway, thank you and I hope some of us can bond. :) <3

[elsfairy]

can we have something like sevika taking care of her best friend (reader ofc) over maybe a heartbreak? i am a whore for soft and fluff. ily

ohmygod ofc???????

please, i love reading fics where you're literally her best friend LMAO. dw, im a whore for soft, overprotective sevika fluff too. ilym ♡ Believe it or not but i started this, this morning on the train... and it's now done lmao im sorry its late.

• You are one of Sevika closests friends. If not the only. She didn't trust many people, including a certain someone. You were the only person she allowed in her space.

• Just because you had got involved with someone who hurt you, didn't mean she was going to sit there and lecture you about them. Or about everything you've been through.

• Sevika was the only person who knew all yours secrets. Every worry and insecurity you've dealt with, and she's going to be there for you.

• It was a random night when she was playing cards, she didn't see you the first time. Nor did she hear you when you randomly called out for her. She was so deep into her game, that it was oblivious to her.

• "Saw your girl around here, looking pretty upset and stressed. She's upstairs"

• If anything, Sevika was a hardcore worrier when it came down to you and your emotions. She didn't care much about anything or anyone else until you.

• Whenever she would hear that you're around, she would be instantly looking around for you. Call her soft, but she loved being around you. So this time was no different. You needed her and she would find you.

• God, she hated people making you cry. She despised it because no one should be making the only soft & special thing in her life upset. She didn't like the way the tears stained your face. Nor did she like how much you couldn't breath when you would cry.

• It came out rambled.

• "I don't know what i did wrong⎯ One minute she was fine, then she was yelling at me to leave⎯ Vika what the fuck did i do wrong? why does everyone i date, end up leaving me? am i not enough?"

• If anything, Sevika didn't like the way you put yourself down. You were worth so much more than what people give you. You are so fucking special and she didn't sit easy with the way people make you feel.

• "None of that. You did nothing wrong. You are perfect the way you are. You're enough"

• "I know you're dying to say it. You hated her anyway"

• "You're right, i despised her. But that's not what I'm here for. I'm not going to sit here and upset you more by talking shit about the person who hurt you, It wouldn't make you feel any better and it would make me feel like shit knowing you feel worse than you already do. I'm here to help you, to look after you"

• She doesn't mind when you cry. She will place your head in her lap, and lightly run her fingers through your hair. She's a great listener, even if you make it hard because of your crying. She will still listen to what you have to say.

• As much as you're upset and crying, she won't ever interrupt you because she knows you're not finished. The same with crying. If she knows you're still not done, she will sit there and hold you until you are.

• The best person to go to if you ever want a hug. Acts like it pisses her off, but if it's you then she doesn't mind whatsoever. Also, bear hugs? She gives the best ones. Every single time. But only to you ;)

• If you're too tired to talk, that's fine. Sevika will just stay with you, and rub your back to calm you down. She won't ever rush you to talk about it.

• "don't talk, I know you want to but just rest, we can talk about it when you're rested. I'll be here, always"

• Whenever you take a nap (if you feel like you need to) then Sevika will go out and buy all the comfort foods you need and like. Flowers always make you happy so she's thinking way ahead, just to make you feel a little better.

• As much as she wants to rant and shout about the woman who broke your heart, she didn't want to break your heart even more. She might be rude and blunt, but she cares deeply about you.

• you've got a huge obsession with wearing her shirts, yes you weren't even dating but still, it doesn't matter. She is your safe place.

• She always refuses to watch movies, with anyone. But if you ask? Oh, honey, she's gone to get all of them before you can even finish your question. She doesn't care what move you chose, she's watching whatever you pick.

• No matter what happens, she will always be there for you. She cares, and loves you.

[shigarakisslutbag]

This isnt directly a request but if you do end up getting inspiration out of this then im glad! (wouldn't complain lol) Imagine how Shiggy would act if some villain with a big loving heart came in and just- somewhat adopted him. Shiggy gets injured? They're there soothing and scolding him. Ranting about video games or heroes? They're patiently listening. Makes my heart so happy negl.

Omg anon I actually really like this idea lol. I have no idea how I would write it as a fic or even organized headcanons BUT I will most certainly give you my disorganized thoughts on this because I have no self control.

APOLOGIES because I'm writing this at 1:33pm and I am very tired (but will likely not sleep until 3am.), THEREFORE, I probably have many typos because I didn't proof read an I am so sorry lol. Anyways, hope you enjoy my thoughts on this, feel free to add anything, I don't mind going back and forth on this topic (this goes for anyone btw! Not just anon. I love hearing everyone's thoughts on concepts I write for)

I feel like in this scenario of reader being a villain, reader's motives are either out of spite towards their hatred for capitalism or they're just kind of... goofy...and unhinged... in a bad way .. thatcopsandheroesdontlike YOU GET THE PICTURE OK? (Use your imagination bestie)

But regaRDLESS, you have a huge soft spot (and maybe some hard spots;) ) for shigaraki.

Which actually just ends up with you having a lot of compassion and care towards him. You can tell he's been through a lot. anyone can. and seeing him having clear struggles in his physical life and internal conflicts, you can't help but want to, well, help him.

I won't go into a huge back story because I simply... am tired LOL. But somewhere along the way shigaraki let you grace him with your presence.

So now you're here with your adopted introverted son and guiding him through his life full of terrorism, tyrants, and genocide 🫶 (you don't quite understand how he's both introverted and a menace to society at the same time. Shigaraki is what happens when an introvert just gets really fed up with capitalism ig)

BUT I DIGRESS

Shigaraki actually really appreciates you're presence. Will he admit it? FUCK NO LMAO. he'd rather twist his eyelids off and eat them before telling your annoying ass he appreciates you. But he does. Just trust me, he does.

Besides spinner, no one really listens to his rants about video games, players, the fall of society. Dabi refers to him as "a cartoon villain on heroin who monologues " shigaraki didn't like that very much

But you listen. You really listen. You ask him questions, you validate his feelings and concerns, you make sure he knows that he's making progress, ect. You don't just hear what he says, you listen. You engage. Which is something he's needed for a very long time.

Especially when he gets injured, is when he gets the most attention from you. Honestly sometimes he wants to hurt himself just hear you cry over him LOL. He's low-key obsessed with you but don't ever bring it up if you notice.

Like the one time he came back to the bar after the U.S.J incident, all bloody with bullets wounds, you were... not handling it well to say the least. Lol. Shigaraki was fine, just chilling on the floor cursing the hero bastards, as he calls them. But you were "dramatic" as shigaraki says. "I'll be fine I'll just stick some bread in bullet holes and cover them with plastic wrap"

???

????!!!!

SHIGARAKI YOU SUPID FUCK

You, much to his dismay, disinfected the wound with alcohol and with kurogiris help stitched up the wounds and wrapped them with a compression bandage and made him rest while checking in every so often to change out his gauze and bandages and cleaning the wounds again.

You also checked in quite a bit to make sure he was hydrated (with water because all the idiot drinks are energy drinks and alcohol)

Going back to listening to his interests, you both share some of the same interests so it helps a lot with your bond with the leader of the league. Even political views.

He listens to you too, even if he doesn't understand some of your interests or is very knowledgeable on certain topics you enjoy, he loves listening to you. He actually thinks your way of speaking and the way your voice sounds is very, very cute. But again, he'll never tell you. He's too embarrassed to and doesn't want to ruin,,,, whatever reputation he thinks he has.

[flambo19]

Okay! 2.2 thoughts! I have them! Major spoilers!

But also I think the quest was incredible

Before the update I made sure to logoff on the Express thinking "the quest won't start here" so anyway I got Boothill Jumpscare 2 Electric Boogaloo

I love Boothill and everything he does. I am so sorry sir you're right between Robin and Firefly so I can't pull for you

Gallagher is cool again. I'll miss you sweet prince

Sorry I was laughing at Sunday the Catholic Priest. It's a little funny that Space Catholicism is canon to the Honkaiverse

Also bringing up why birds fly... I want to put Sunday and Artorias TalesOfBerseria in the same room and let them talk about their bird flight philosophies

The Misha reveal!! Man I really wanted him to join the express but I guess he technically already travelled with it? Sort of?

The hat scene!!! Sorry I'm running out of intelligence but SO GOOD

Firefly's transformation cutscene was so cool!! FIREFLY IS SO COOL!! The use of If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking AAAAAAAAAAA I need to rewatch it

I'm gonna be honest I spent a chunk of the story just worrying about her after this. I don't think she'll die but at the same time that might just be favourite character copium

The fucking fake out victory almost got me. The entire time I was going "something isn't right" but I didn't want to put my expectations so high and leave disappointed

Anyway I was very not disappointed when the reveal happened I can't believe the dream within a dream theories were right

The boss fight music is so good I need to listen to it again. I am a sucker for church choir but there's an electric guitar in there (and if you are too go listen to Keygen Church right now)

THE ROBIN SONG IN THE BOSS FIGHT. SAME HYPE AS WILDFIRE BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. I LOVED IT SO MUCH

THE FUCKING TRAIN SLAM. THATS THE BEST THING EVER. WE HAVE A TRAIN AND WE'RE GONNA RUN YOU OVER WITH IT LMAO

WE GOT OUR OWN ANSWER TO WHY DOES LIFE CHOOSE TO SLUMBER FUCK YEAH

Sunday and Robin's hug at the very end almost made me tear up and I don't cry at stories. That's like my equivalent to straight up bawling

hey does anyone know who was the male voice monologuing near the end there? didnt sound like anyone familar. my bets on elio i think he's gonna show up soon (this is coping)

Anyway I got Robin in ~20 pulls after losing the 50/50 at about 70. I have so many tickets stocked up though my dream of E1S1 Firefly is well within reach

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.

[trashlie]

Hi!!💖 Have you ever read Seasons of Blossom? I started it some months ago and now I'm literally obsessed, it's so good! It's sweet, yet tragic, and overall super enjoyable. The characters are very likable and it made me cry so much (both for joy and for sadness lol)

Ohohoho you must know me well for this recommendation because you are right - it is SO good! In fact... let me show you how much I love this one 😅

I bought the Spring box set in Korean lmaoooooooo

Seasons of Blossom is, hands down, one over my favorite webtoons and I absolutely recommend it go everyone! You are very correct in how it manages to be sweet AND tragic. I'm behind on Winter because, frankly, I'm not good with things I love ending, but I just know I'll binge and catch up soon!

Something I really love about this series is the way all of the characters are, in some way, connected, whether it's because their friend groups overlap or relatives or something drawing them in, so it's never truly goodbye when we move on to the next season. I have definitely cried a LOT. Summer is just.... lmao look just trying to talk about it has me tearing up. Summer is very personally relatable to me, in how thick and choking the summer humidity is, and how it held such a painful, tragic story. And I know some people have issues with Autumn but I personally have a soft spot for angry, wounded girls lol

I even started the kdrama and despite some of the changes they made to the story, I was really enjoying it! I just had tp stop because while it was well done how they tied in Spring and Summer, my heart couldn't take it and I needed to take a break and I just haven't steeled myself lol

(Fair warning, because I think it's important to let potential readers know, Summer heavily deals with loved ones still struggling to come to terms with the suicide of someone they loved. I think it's incredibly well done; it's empathetic and understanding, it doesn't downplay the grief or confusion, or what compelled someone to make that choice. It's just also such a heavy, oppressive topic. I lmao binged it and just sobbed through the night lol ;~;)

Anyway YES YES genuinely 10/10 for Seasons of Blossom from me. I love it SO much and recommend it to anyone and everyone! Each season tells their own story and I find the writing so good! Spring is set up to be a sweet, little cliche which would be fine, but the writing didn't give in to the cliches and I love how it turned out!

Waaaahhhh I'm delighted you guys are suddenly giving me webtoon recommendations, I love this! I love discovering a diamond in the rough or getting to crow about how much I love something!!!!! 🥰

[lostandbackagain]

here's my running list of things I'd like to see in the color of revenge:

roxane being like an actual actual witch. idk if cornelia is still using the word bufana but that's my #1. can sing so beautifully she makes the rocks cry? can make anything grow in her shitty soil? indescribably beautiful? her kids being really really good at everything?? (not to take away from jehan's dedication to his craft but there's no way there's not smth supernatural going on with him) I think I'd prefer dustfinger and the prince knowing (and dustfinger being like "....yeah jehan knows witches bc of roxane lol" leans into this imo) and getting to watch the kids have a crisis over whether they're human or something else, getting pissed at the adults for keeping it from them, but I will also take roxane having kept this a secret from everyone. I will likely cry blood if this doesn't come true at all but it's fine I'm normal and well-adjusted about roxane it's fine!

the bracelet stays. I'm on my knees begging

I think cornelia said she's got a queer in the book?? forming a prayer circle that's it's brianna but I'll take anyone (new or established) as long as they're written well. several queer characters would rock though would love that 4 me

fenoglio dies. badly.

farid and jehan having that adhd and autistic solidarity where they're best friends but also each other's worst nightmare

jehan dealing with a lot of (valid) frustration and jealously wrt farid and dustfinger. I'm almost definitely reading too far into it but the part where he's like "dustfinger promised he won't try to replace my birth father but he totally can bc I don't remember him lmao" is like. he's so glad to have a father again but farid's been out and about for so long that jehan hasn't really seen the extent to which dustfinger can be a father to a kid who isn't his biologically, and it was honestly very ugly watching jehan panic trying to take care of dustfinger during his mental breakdown but the second the prince says farid is fine, dustfinger calms down? like you have another son right there who needs you so badly, douchebag. anyway while this is not the fault of either kid I want jehan to be Pissed.

unwrite the part where it says roxane is pale because No She's Not 💗

DRAGON LORE¡¡¡¡¡¡ the laughing prince was said to have hunted dragons and I've been going crazy for 15 years over the way that was just said in passing?? I don't think living/awake dragons match the mood of this series but FUCK I could see nyame and the witch girl stumbling onto a graveyard or something and she'd get her stereotypical tiefling rant about how humans suck for killing beautiful creatures for their own gain and I would be cheering her on because I'm a whore for dragons

I sorta want dustfinger to have to give up his ability to speak to fire to bring everyone back. it's very fullmetal alchemist-stan of me but my f a v o r i t e type of sacrifice is the surrender of power

I'm already heads over heels in love with nyame but I want to be feral over him the entire time I want to be in his head I want to be in his past and his future and I want to see him brought to his knees and tempted with the power to bring about the change he so desperately craves and i want him to know in his heart and with metaphorical blood pouring from his eyes that replacing one reign of tyranny with another is not the solution he wants but hell does he want it and I want him to have the most beautiful conclusion any character has ever had and still get to make the world a better place on a large scale because he's the only one who consistently cares!! and hes so fucking tired.I love him so fucking much. nyame

would enjoy nettle showing up just to call dustfinger a bitch and leave. want that to be a running gag

loved the discussion about religion coming in and criminalizing reproductive healthcare. I feel like that was not the most appropriate time to have been having that conversation but I want it to stay and contribute to the theme of autonomy and agency that have always been at the heart of the inkworld.

[misc-obeyme]

I have so many things running through my head right now (all about Barbatos 🫶) but I feel weird sending multiple asks so I hope you don't mind if I put them all in one!

Firstly, owl Barbatos has been flying around my thoughts for DAYS. As a long-time bird lover, I can wholeheartedly say that he's very owl like in general! But this is less about him being a cutie patootie little bird and more about his onesie thing. I NEED TO HUG HIM. He looks so soft and comfy and squeezable EEEEE! I just need to spot him from across the room and then rush up to him and envelope him in the biggest embrace ever! Place several little kisses all over his beautiful face before he's had enough and just kisses me... 🙏 He actually looks like a dream to cuddle with in his onesie I cannot stand it.

Next, I am terrified of butterflies. This current even had me thinking all about how Barbayos would deal with this. Like, I am so scared of them that when I was a child, I was kicked out of the butterfly sanctuary for screaming and crying and scaring the other kids. Anyways, LMAO, I think he'd think I'm silly (I am) but still never make fun of me. That's what's so wonderful about him, he'll never judge!

I just realized these are all completely self-indulgent, and I apologize for that, but I have one more djmsjdwnwkow. So, I had left over chain from a previous DIY project, so I made Barbatos' collar chain that he has in his demon form!! I think it's super cool, and I think he'd think it is, too. I wouldn't even tell him about it, I'd just wear it one random day and see if he notices. (He will. He notices everything. More evidence towards owl Barbatos propaganda.) But, yeah, we'd match. I was wondering if you had any silly things you'd like to match Barbatos with! Personally, matching pajamas and keychains are SO cute.

Final thought, Barbatos would make you his home screen. Anyone can see a lockscreen if you look at their phone, but only he gets to see your face on his home screen <3

Listen, I always have Barbatos brain so I totally understand. You're free to send in one long ask or several smaller asks, it's whatever you're most comfortable with! I don't mind either way 💕

Ahh, owl!Barb is truly excellent. Like I definitely think that's a good choice for him. Owls have a reputation for being wise, right? And while I think in reality they're probably just as dumb as any other animal, I still like the association of wisdom for Barb, you know?

I actually have an owl that lives behind my house. I've never seen it because it gets dark here at night, but I've heard it hooting. It's actually pretty loud lol. But wouldn't it be cute if that was something Barbatos could do to like check in on MC in the human world? I think something similar whenever I see the crow gang that lives across the street from me, except I imagine it's Mammon. That's probably pretty silly, but I can't help but think about them, you know?

I think there are a lot of bird associations with the characters, I mean we also got peacocks for Luci. Though I have never seen or heard a peacock around my house lol. If I ever see a cow in the street, I'll blame Belphie.

Anyway, getting off topic here, which is that Barbatos in his onesie is absolutely adorable and I love him. He would be a delight to cuddle with.

OH suffering from lepidopterophobia?? LOL yes okay I looked that up because I was curious. I was like there has be a word for being afraid of butterflies. Anyway, I don't think Barbatos would judge you at all. The fact is, most phobias like this are irrational, it doesn't matter if they don't make sense. For you the fear is real and Barb cares a lot more about your comfort than anything else. He wouldn't want you to be scared or anxious about it!

Yo, no worries about self indulgence. I have so many self indulgent fics it's not even funny, this is what we're here for. I think Barbatos would be flattered that you would want to match with him. I especially like that it's something from his demon form, which he isn't in all the time, so it's like you're matching with him in a subtle sort of way. As for me, I don't know if I'd want something that's exactly matching, but I like the idea of something that's like clearly about him, you know? Like wearing a ring with a teal stone or something like that. I initially thought about wearing a teal septum ring, but then I realized I would like to be able to see it without a mirror so a regular ring would probably be my choice. I do like matching pajamas, though, that sounds adorable!

Oh yes, I like him being possessive. He's like, only I get to see this picture of MC, so it must be home screen. We'd kinda match that, too because this man is already on both my lock screen and my home screen yes I have a problem.

[cookinguptales]

You deserve so much better, and I'm sorry people have treated you this way for any reason. It's especially ridiculous in the context of "differing opinions about the quality of a show/season finale/creative choices," but you absolutely should not have gotten any of these comments for any reason. I love reading your work and your thoughts, but I fully understand if you don't want to share any of that again. There are things I have never posted and likely never will, entire creations that I'm never going to share, due to this exact phenomenon. Online creations, from meta to fic to everything else, are a delight and a privilege, not a given that anyone's entitled to.

You deserve better, and you have the right to share as much or little as you want. Please do what's best for you.

Thank you. This is really kind, and I appreciate it.

Honestly... like, I keep trying to not make a big deal out of this, but it feels so shitty. I know that right now I'm flaring and that makes everything seem worse than it is, but I can't tell you how demoralizing it felt to be unable to eat anything for like 24 hours, then actively pushing my dislocated fingers back into joint and looking on my phone and seeing a paragraph about what a fucking idiot I am. I just wanted to straight-up cry. This is the first time I've ever turned off anon asks, and I've gotten some real doozies over the years.

At first I felt better when I realized it was fewer people than I thought who were angry with me, but I think it's finally sinking in that there were people who hated me so much that they sent me messages for months. I don't get it! Like... I don't think I'm a particularly awful person. Not perfect, to be sure, but I try to be as nice and patient as I can be online. What the heck is so bad about me that I inspire people to follow me around for months?

It feels bad, okay! I'll admit it, it feels bad. I know we're supposed to act like we're above getting our feelings hurt by trolls online, but all this feels weird and bad. I don't like it.

I know that I'm going to keep posting my thoughts again eventually; I think I'm probably physically incapable of shutting up. My thoughts just bounce around in there driving me nuts if I don't get them out. I keep telling myself that there's a significant amount of people who do like me and do like my work and don't feel the need to send me mean comments, I reiterate, for fucking months. Sometimes that does make me feel better, and so did this ask.

idk. I'm just feeling very tired rn. Sorry to be so whiny but I'm just. Really tired. I don't know. I wish I could keep food down. I'm sure that would help my mood. But there's a lot of things I wish, I guess, and all I can really do is curl up with this heating pad and watch people build houses or something.

(...I find watching things getting built to be very soothing. lmao)

Anyway, kind of sucks when your comfort show that you usually turn to when you're stressed is one of the sources of your stress! :')

[b1mbodoll]

AAAAAAA OMG DO I HAVE A LONG ASS ASK FOR YOU. MY DATE/NOT DATE HAS JUST CONCLUDED....

So a little back story - I worked with this guy this past summer and like the first time we met I alr liked him. Like he was exactly my type. Like 100%. But I'm super shy (never dated anyone, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone) so I never really did anything obvious that I liked him bc I was nervous. We kind of flirted (maybe) a lot near the end of the summer. We texted a lot a lot but he ended up moving up to college for his apartment earlier than expected so we never got to see eachother after our last days of work. There was lots of drama on my end surrounding that trust. Like mental anguish bc I fumbled the bag hard.

Anyways. We start school respectively (I go to school in NY and him in TX) and we don't talk that often, just snap like everyday. But as the semester goes on we reply to each other's stories and have short, friendly convos more frequently. Flashforward to like, a week ago or something. I reply to his insta story and we start talking. He finds out that I'm going home for Thanksgiving and he is to so he asks me to hang out. This is odd bc we weren't close enough as friends for me to think that he would ask to see me.

Anyways again, I'm skipping details bc otherwise I'll never finish this lmao - the date/not date was like everything else we do. Vaguely romantic but could also be friendly. He picked me, we ate dinner and then went ice skating together. He walked up to my door to get me, held open doors for me, and opened the car door to walk me back to my house after we got back. But like - no moves were made. No attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. AT ALL. But like he also complimented my butterfly hair lips like sir 😭😭 idk what you want from me.

But now I'm feeling kind of tired of 6-7 months of not knowing where we stand with eachother. So I texted him afterwards saying "Thank you so much for tonight, I loved seeing you again! Although, I did want to know if it was a date or if it really was intended as just a hangout, bc it did seem like it sometimes? Either way, I'd love to meet up with you again if we're both in town!" He then liked bith of the thank you messages and replied, we definitely should. But then he replied to the daye/not date ask with - I don't know. I'll have to think about it. He then said something about it being more than he anticipated but still good, so idk if that means that it wasn't intended as a date but became one and he enjoyed it or if he meant it as a date but I fumbled the bag (I give just as many mixed signals bc I'm an anxious coward lmao) but it still ended up okay.

HOWEVER, I AM A GENIUS, LIKE RIZZ MASTER 1000. I accidentally left something in his car so tmmr morning he's gonna drive back to drop it off (It's like an hour round trip for him). And tomorrow is the day I will stop being a bitch. I'm gonna tell him that I'm interested but that I also do genuinely enjoy him as a person so like, however he intends to meet up with ne in the future I'll be okay with that.

So yeah. Story time over 🫶🫶🫶🫶 Sorry that it's actually so long but I remember how excited you were so I wanted to let you know how it went 💗💗💗💗

IM ON MY KNEES RN STOP u r so cute and agh!!!!!! i will be needing an update with whatever happens pretty please, honey 🤲

im so ☹️☹️☹️ u guys went ice skating ☹️ that’s so so so so fucking cute!!!!!! that actually is so cute my heart cant take it ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ but no moves being mad.. 🤬 yeah i need to have a stern talking to with this man!!! what r ur intentions with my little angel, you HEATHEN!!! hehe no but srsly dont be anxious sweetheart! i know its hard n way easier said than done, but you seem so wonderful and im sure he thinks that as well! im so glad you had a good time <3

rizz master 1000 has me crying omg ur too silly 😭 but him driving AN HOUR TO GIVE U UR THINGS STOP IT my little heart is so warm :( im proud of u for messaging him and asking for clarification about what the lil hangout was! n pls u r anything BUT a bitch!!!!! ur perfect and i hope things work out well with him!

dont apologize for he length! i love anything romance so inwas looking forward to this update!!!! wishing u the best of luck with him <3 mwah

[serendipitouscontaminant]

Sorry to pop in again so soon, but I just had to return and offer a little more praise.

Okay so after reading the 3rd part and letting all of that settle on my soul - and getting over my initial "omg I fricking love this fic" excitement - I just need to say I am floored by your storytelling prowess. Your description of things are so immaculate that there's no question as to what you mean and how that feels/looks/sounds etc. Lines like "Barbie feels like her insides have been scooped out and replaced with fragile things. She has to move slowly, breathe carefully, to keep from jarring them, because they’ll grow stronger but they haven’t yet." Perfect. Anyone who's been there knows exactly how that feels like and knows you've described it to a T. I love how you were able to take complicated things like that and put words to them.

Your characterizations are spot-on. Ken saying he felt "spinny"? Like yeah, I could totally hear it in my head, and it was definitely believable he said that. But more than that though, you helped us readers understand what these two were *feeling* and did so without sacrificing who we saw in the movie. It's like I was a doll experiencing humanity for the first time too, in all its good and bad.

The detailing of how they feel about being human - "but she still wakes up with her flesh and blood heart beating too fast and her flesh and blood skin sticky with cold sweat (yuck)" - and how they're coping with it - "Gloria feels her stomach lurch when she sees his hands, cuticles and nails picked at and chewed on, every imperfection worried at until they’re impossible to ignore. Barbie has the same problem, but a spinning ring and a flawless manicure every time she gets her hair touched up have mostly taken care of it." - are beautiful in their own way. I really can't get over how you've really helped the readers put themselves in their shoes and feel as they feel in their newfound humanity.

Not to mention how you've developed their platonic soulmate AU which I am HERE FOR. I love it so much, like that last part with their foreheads touching had me in tears. And the angst - my word! - also had me in tears too. Those poor babies.

Anyway, as I said before: you're a genius with wonderful gifts, and thank you for sharing them with us. I will definitely be keeping an eye on your Ao3 to see any more posting in the future if you so choose to do so. But please, please may we have at least one little thing where Ken gets some happiness please? I think he's earned it, but that's just me.

I'll leave you alone now, but I just really needed to share this. Thanks again <3

Thank you SO much for this and I am not put upon at all :D I love getting compliments about my work lol so definitely don’t apologize

Genuinely thank you, though, because I’m so glad you feel that way about the fics. I’m trying very hard to convey the humanness vs. dollness of it all, and to have the characters talk and act like themselves, just in this really weird and often sad situation. I’m also glad the spinny lines worked lol. I was like “how would Ken describe the feeling of spiraling?” and that’s what I got.

AND YEAH, someone said in the comments on the first fic that it was giving dark soulmate AU vibes, and I was like yayyy love that that was noticeable, and I’ve kept leaning on it because I think it’s so interesting. (Though the darker aspects have faded.)

And lmao I swear Ken will have a good time soon!!! I genuinely started feeling bad for him at a certain point in the last fic of the trilogy and I was like “man, I need this guy to pet a horse or something and possibly not even cry once within three thousand words.” But he’s going through the very beginning of the adjustment period in that trilogy, so it is Not easy. But again—things will look up for him now!!! I have plans!!!

(I do also have plans for more heavy angst, but my threat of a fic where Ken just overall has a great time still stands. I actually have plans for it to maybe be the first fic in the vignette collection that will probably be the last entry in this series. But plans change, so don’t quote me on that. Things WILL look up, though.)

(Also, obligatory link to the series: something in me in you.)

[tenrose]

Now that I've been living on my own, alone for years, I got pretty accustomed to it and I very rarely feel the loneliness. Well except for tonight I guess 🙄

The thing is, I don't feel it as in, cry about being lonely for hours like I used to, when I do this, it's a major clue about my depression being back. No, I like my independence and I honestly can't imagine living romantically with someone. The more I grow up the more the idea of sharing your life with someone so intimately with someone feel like a weird concept to me??? I just don't get it. And people never get why I don't get it. I never met someone who understand it. My LGBT friends who are familiar with aromantism do understand to some instead, but the truth is, I never met an aro person irl (or maybe I did but I didn't know so anyway I couldn't share my thoughts with them) and even though I know I can't be the only person feeling like that, I have nobody with who I can talk about it and know we understand each other. Because romantic love is so deeply rooted in society, that it's just really hard to conceive for anyone who don't experience it, and tbh sometimes it's hard to conceive for me too. And idk maybe they'll right and one day I'll fall in love and find "the right person". What matters to me is that I absolutely do not feel the need for, and it's not really the thing that bothers me in my loneliness.

Also, I am someone who take pride in being independent, which lead to fucked up situations cause I over complicate my life by not having my driving licence and having anxiety and generally speaking a fucked up brain who can't execute simple tasks. And that means that no matter how independent I want to be. I need people and it sucks because I don't ask and it leads to fucked up situations and nervous breakdowns. The idea to not ask for help is so deeply rooted in me, it's honestly just making things worse. But anyway yes I take pride in making things alone. I'm very proud of myself for being able to travel alone, and it's not as easy as I pretend it to be. Nothing is easy as I pretend it to be. But I'll keep doing it.

And yes it would be nice to have someone. Or some people. All my friends are now scattered across the country so we rarely see each other and I miss them a lot sometimes. I know this website likes to joke, about having a big ass house with friends. But I'm not joking about it. I want my close friends to live by my side. I don't want anyone or myself to be restricted to do anything, and I sure want my personal space. But being able to share meals, watch a movie with a few people, and most importantly being able to talk to someone when I need to, I want that. I try not think about it, well except tonight apparently, because I desperately crave it. And as much as I love my friends, I would love to meet someone aro, someone who share similar feelings with me. And more generally I would love to meet new friends in my town, so I can go out more... but also I never go out 🤷

Anyway this posts got out of control once I started writing it lmao