#anyways idk how much longer I could go on about this topic. probably forever. so I’ll stop here

[teriwrites]

Beneath Alder Creek: Part 6

My Live Reactions to Reading Through My 2020 Novel

Chapter 23

And this is where we will probably see the pacing start to completely run off the rails because we're only about halfway through the novel rn

Right, where were we?

Step aside, useless golden fae, a REAL aide has entered the chat

Oh, great, the perfect subject to decompress the awkwardness: the topic y'all were fighting about before everything went down

Laying out everything you need to get done in a list a mile long

Easy!

"Do not go far from me," Enid warned.' 2020!Teri WTF bro OUCH

Winnie's plan: elaborate disguises involving costumes

Taliesin's plan: an intricate 20-step process to accomplish the first of multiple parts

Winnie ends up taking a nap while they're waiting for Enid, and we get a brief scene that's not actually from her POV but from Taliesin's

I love being able to write two fae conversing as fae

Chapter 24

Winnie's trying to nap and it is Not working

'Rest did not come easy. Her body had finally adjusted to sleeping over tree roots and uneven ground, and the mattress beneath her back was less comforting and more suffocating, like she would sink through and be swallowed up.' that'd be such a fae mattress thing to do - but also! I've written before about the ways a mattress can feel too soft when you're used to a less comfortable surface

Nap time having failed, she wants insight

You know things have gotten dire when the comic relief has suddenly gotten serious

‘At least, if his demeanor had changed, his insistence on vague and unhelpful replies was the same.' same ol' Tal

He didn't need to be helpful, apparently, Winnie's able to piece it together herself

That doesn't sound good

I mean, she makes a good point there

There is trouble brewing

Nope, no longer brewing, it’s here!

Winnie winds up in the ballroom

‘And it was as [Taliesin] had once told her, that the stagnation of the Fae was balanced out by extreme change. Winnie stared into the stoic woven eyes of Queen Rhiannon. She hadn't held the throne forever. There had once been a time before her rule, and what was surely a tumultuous adjustment once she'd taken power. Even the Courts themselves were the fractured remnants of a once-blissful unity. How could they be expected to remain fixed in place when their very undercurrent was one of transition?' (okay this is what I was referencing earlier when I said there are reasons I view the courts system as something of a mirror - they were once seemingly a singular court, and after they splintered, they became two sides of the same coin)

But enough musing - back to the plot!

This is surely going to go well

is that a fucking Beatles reference in my Edwardian gaslamp fantasy??

If you think it's cheesy to include a reference to a song I love, just wait until my 2024 novel!

That very much so pulled me out of the otherwise intense scene lol

:(

Chapter 25

'The woods of the Dusk Court were dark and dense, thick with underbrush that raked against Winnie's bare arms and barbed itself into the fabric of her skirts.' this is like the flip side of that one Robert Frost poem

'the woods are awful, dark and dense/but i have left without defense/to save my brother from foul events/to save my brother from foul events' or something idk

Anyways, we lost!

Dozing off at the base of a tree is literally never the right answer, Winifred

Lo and behold, napping at the base of the tree has led to a seemingly never-ending cycle of nightmares

This is what you get for sleeping under a mysterious tree, Winnie

And now a branch of the tree has just snapped out and smacked her in the face, for added measure

There's obviously only one response to that: 'Winnie reached out to grab the end of the branch and snapped it at the joint of a twig.'

'A single gust of wind blew past Winnie's face, shrieking in her ear like a kettle before dying back to relative stillness. In its wake, however, the canopy overhead had shifted, and a beam of light streaked across Winnie's hand on the tree branch. Where the damage of the living oak should've shown green beneath the bark, some sappy substance began to pool onto Winnie's palms, staining them a bright red. She pulled her hand away in horror, streaks of crimson nearly glowing against her skin.' (you've gone and made the tree bleed!)

*DING DING DING* I think she’s finally coming to understand the weight of the decisions she’s been making this whole time

Also, remember when I talked about her last conversation with her mom (in part 2)?? Oof

Facing a wall of brambles, huh?

Man, if only you had a dude who's like made of metal or something idk

Ending Thoughts:

And thus, the pacing of the story begins to run off the rails. Firstly, these chapters getting significantly longer means that what's intended as the third act of the story suddenly takes up like 50% of the actual pages. That said, we're over halfway through the notes, I didn't want this to wind up being like a trillion parts long. That'll be for the second draft lol That said, I do like the general trajectory and a lot of the content itself. Taliesin and Winnie are both working with what they know, and neither of them are entirely wrong to do so. But they're not right, either, and not working with each other to figure out a solution. They're both idiots, and that's why this story works so well lol

[dearweirdme]

(warning, this got way longer than anticipated sorry)

ik this is probably a dead topic to you and i apologize for bringing it up again but i was just rewatching the leaked jk videos of him in his apartment with that girl bc i saw some discourse abt it in another tkk blog’s comments. some jk stan who’s convinced he’s straight, that he was sleeping arnd/had a girlfriend, and that we’re all delusional came in the comments and basically started stirring shit lol. they mentioned they believed he was dating that tattoo artist girl who he was photographed w his arms arnd as well. but i thought she had a bf at the time of that pic being released? idk fs tho and that pic def gave off close friend vibes to me?

anyways, seeing the discourse made me go back and watch the video again and the more i watch it the more conflicted i get. like he is rlly all over her. arms wrapped all around her and walking holding her from behind like that. ofc it’s POSSIBLE that they’re just friends especially if he is gay/queer (ik that kind of physical affection is more typically acceptable between queer men and straight women than when both parties are straight). but to me for some reason it seems improbable and like that’s just an excuse to keep myself believing in tkk ? like really…we’re convincing ourselves him and the girl he had at his apartment at night alone w him are just friends when almost everyone and their mother would see that as clearly romantic and crossing platonic boundaries ? he’s THAT close, comfortable, and affectionate w a girl he’s just friends with ?

lol subconsciously i feel like im probably submitting this to ur account hoping ur response will give me reassurance that the interaction was not romantic even when it’s likely that it was. to me the video is clearly real and it is actually jungkook so that’s not at all the part that im debating about, but just the nature of the interaction ig ? like how long am i going to convince myself he’s queer and w taehyung when theres a lot that implies otherwise…

but then i think back on the reasons why i believe in tkk and that makes me even more confused lol. bc if i tell myself to just accept that jk is straight/not romantically involved w taehyung then idk how to make sense of many of tkk’s interactions either. like the kappa sweethearts tshirt is the one that rlly gets me for some reason. bc there’s no shot it was a coincidence they were wearing such a specific niche tshirt on the same day at the same time too. and why would friends wear matching literal “sweethearts” tshirts? they wouldn’t right? ik other ppl value the dream premiere and other moments more but those tshirts are so unarguable that it’s something i always circle back to. like to me saying their clothes at the dream premiere were intentionally queer coded is not something that is necessarily factually true. it’s more so an assumption after extensively digging into the background of their clothes which they may or may not have even noticed/intended. that to me could be argued as a coincidence but the kappa shirts are 100% the same specific tshirt and it was 100% the same day. that being a coincidence is less likely to me.

the other thing is the way they keep their friendship/relationship so much more under wraps than the others. but maybe that’s something we’ve just convinced ourselves of when maybe they haven’t rlly been that private/secretive abt it? idk i just go round and round in circles. i’ll come to a point where i feel SO sure that tkk are romantically together (especially with how explicit tae is w his support of the queer community) but then i’ll see some shit like that video of jk in his apartment w a girl and the whole thing gets derailed.

sorry i’ve just talked in circles atp and i could probably go back and forth w more examples for forever but yeah idk just wanted to hear your thoughts bc idk how you’re able to stay so secure in believing they are together. and i don’t think u seem like the type to just continuously convince urself of something that is delusional through confirmation bias and disregard of opposing evidence.

Hi anon!

Yeah, you probably ar submitting this because you want me to reassure you 😊 and that’s totally fine honestly. I mean, we are invested in Tae and Jk and stuff can really become complicated and confusing at times. Being confused is never a great feeling and you just want to not feel confused.

I need things to be realistic myself as well. I don’t need Jk and Tae to be together, I basically just think they are. I’m not afraid to step away from them if I feel they’re no longer together (or.. if they never were). And I will definitely let everyone know if/when I ever feel like something is off (and right after that I will hide because Jkkrs and anti’s will come for my head 😂).

To me it is all about the things I know for sure. Like Tae wearing that t-shirt for instance.. on the same day as Jk when he shot that mv. To me that is something strong and real talking in favor of them being together. Same goes for other situations: Tae and Jk at that hotel after/before Dubai, Jk singing that song to Tae, BH acting weird about them (and them alone), the way Tae constantly mentions Jk… and I could go on for a while probably. Those are actual things we have witnessed.. things that are real and when you look at the whole of it.. things that are consistent and that we have witnessed for a prolonged duration of time.

When I look at the footage of supposedly Jk with that girl, I see a person backhugging a girl for a real short amount of time. I have no context, I have no clue about there being more people or not. I can also clearly see that the footage is manipulated. I know it was released at a shady timing, with the purpose of harming him. I know that there’s an actual platform where people who hate him gather and plan stuff like this.

So when I put what I know is true about Jk and Tae next to what I know of that footage… the scale just tips over. I do not trust shady footage more than I trust what I know of Jk and Tae. And I might be wrong.. absolutely. But I just don’t think I am.

If I had no knowledge about Tae and Jk before seeing that footage.. maybe I wouldn’t have secondguessed it as well. But, I do have that other knowledge and therefore if I see something that goes against that.. I look at what’s fed to me more critically.

I don’t know if this has settled your mind anon. Personally I always feel fine with not having all the answers, but I can also understand that can be real unsettling. Maybe try and land in the ‘I don’t know for now’ zone for a bit?

[technowoah]

i just really want jack manifold fluff if you’re taking requests like the reader joins jack for laugh and the stream ends idk you can do what you feel is best :]

Free Content Darling

Jack manifold my beloved ♥

Im so behind on requests yall forgive me 😪

Literally sorry in advance-

Jack Manifold x gen neutral! reader (established) blurb imagine

⚠︎ slight swearing, petnames, and a lot of fluff, a little bit of writers block from me :( I didn't proofread LMAONSK HELP-

Masterlist

"Darling! C'mere!" You heard Jack yell from his recording room. You were currently curled up on the couch scrolling through twitter. The trending page had "JACK" and "TRY NOT TO LAUGH" on the top. The tweets under the trending topics was filled with comments about Jack's stream and other streams happening.

You had heard him laughing and yelling in his recording room before. To be completely honest you dont know why he invited you over his house in the first place. You showed up at his house wanting to just relax and have a fun time with Jack, but after a couple minutes he had told you he had a stream already scheduled today and left to you to your own devices.

Thats how ended up on the couch looking at tweets that talked about your boyfriends stream.

You lazily rolled off the couch and onto your feet. You had the fluffy socks Jack had gotton you as a small gift. You both ended up getting the same socks and slipped around the house because of the hardwood floor. It was a fun activity until you were both mimicking ballroom dancing untill you both slipped and fell on the hardwood floor. It was a small moment but then after you both were more careful around his house.

Opening the door to his recording office you peaked your head inside now knowing if he wanted you completely inside or just wanted to quickly tell you something. The door was in frame when he streams so you couldn't be discreet.

"Hey-"

"Hey! Y/N! Guys it's Y/N!" Jack exclaimed showing you off to the stream. "Come over here love." He waved you over while rolling his identical gaming chair for you to sit on.

You smiled and made your way over to sit beside him in the broken chair.

"Why'd you give me the broken chair this time?" You smiled as you questioned him.

"I mean they are identical, no one would've noticed."

"We'll you told everyone who sat in it that it was broken." You said matter of factly.

"Do you want to sit in this one?" Jack asked pointing to the chair underneath him.

"Yeah I do." You said while putting your hands together in a prayer position. "You wanna switch with me?"

"No, not really Im quite comfortable in my own chair love." Jack said with a smirk leaning back in his chair.

"You sure?"

"Yeah pretty much." Jack's smile widened as he saw your frustration grow.

"Dickhead." You said under your breath.

Jack started to laugh. "What did you say?" He swiveled his chair to face you.

"Nothing. You're hearing things." You smirked.

Meanwhile the chat was freaking out about your interactions. You werent a stranger to Jack's fanbase. A year ago you were just Jack's roommate, but then he slowly introduced you as his significant other. He started flirting with you on stream and on twitter, then after a couple months of that he titled a stream "MEET MY S/O!!!". It was weird for you to be on stream for the first time, but you became accustomed to it.

"What did you want me to do again?" You asked. Jack probably forgot the reason he called you in there in the first place.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to do a stream with you! A you laugh the stream ends type thing. Also the chat was asking for you, they missed you apparently."

"Oh of course they did, I think they love me more than you."

"Yeah I think so! And its not right!" Jack exclaimed and you laughed along with him.

"I think we already lost the challenge, cause we've been laughing for a while haven't we?" You brought up.

"Well the challenge hasn't started. And if we laugh you have to get bonked in the bead with this pillow." Jack had gotton up and walked around the room searching for something to become a punishment. "We have 3 lives each and if we use up all of our lives the stream ends."

"And I have you all to myself?" You asked slightly serious. You still were irked because of tbe fact he invited you over and left you, I mean you are here now next to him, but you wanted time without a camera and monitors in your face.

"Yeah love, of course. But you have to laugh!" Jack exclaimed.

Thinking about the situation, you wanted to laugh and lose all your lives on purpose so you two could have alone time together.

"Fine let's go!"

"Alright then!"

"You suck at this game dont ya?" Jack laughed as mutiple short videos from fans kept popping up on the screen. "You have one more life and I only have two."

It was 30 minutes into the stream and youve been hit with the pillow on Jack's lap more times than you could count, at least that what it felt like. You were on your last life and actually trying to stay in the game after realizing how much fun this was. Maybe you were being selfish, because you were right next to him doing things that you two were going to do alone.

"You have no sense of humor babe." You replied back.

"I do have a sense of humor! I could say my sense of humor is broken even."

"Well mine is too when we compare how many lives we have left."

"Good point."

"YOU LAUGHED!" You stood up confronting him trying to pry the pillow out of his hands to hit him with.

"NO! I did not! Let go!" Jack said still sitting down struggling to keep a good grip on the pillow. You successfully took the pillow out of his hands and started repeatedly hitting him with it as he tried to shield himself.

"Augh! Stop!"

"He laughed! He laughed, you guys saw that right?" You bent down into frame reading the chat while they spammed "YES" and "HIT HIM"

"See, they agree with me Manifold." You said confidently.

"They're just want to see me lose. I'm too powerful." He shrugged.

"Anways! 1 to 1! Loser!" You hit him with the pillow again.

"Stop!"

The stream continued on and the both of you were begging eachother to keep your one lives that you both had left. Everytime you snickered a bit Jack would catch it and vice versa. The stream went on longer than Jack planned, but it seemed like he was having fun. Finally after an hour of streaming and bickering between you both You ended up laughing at this stupid vine from long ago.

"YOU LAUGHED I WON!" Jack threw his hands up in victory. "Holy shit we can end the stream, this took forever."

"You wanna end the stream?" You asked after calming down.

"Well we could just chill and talk to chat, but I would've thought you wanted to chill without.." Jack gestured to the monitors on his stream. "All that."

"How'd you know I wanted to do that?" You asked with a small smile.

Jack shrugged. "Well I kind of left you here in my flat and went to go stream for a while. That was a dick move."

"Well thats what I wanted at first but then you called me in here. I was trying to get all of my lives down, but then I realized how much fun I was having." You explained. For a second you forgot that he was still live until you saw flashing text across a screen out of the corner of your eye.

"It was selfish of me-"

"It wasnt selfish bub! I feel that was valid, but you could've told me." Jack said reassuringly grabbing your hand.

"It was fun though! I wouldn't have it any other way Manifold." You smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Me either."

Jack ended up ending his stream and both of you said your goodbyes to the people watching his stream. He closed everything off of his computer and leaned back in his chair immediately relaxing when the camera was turned off.

"Thanks for inviting me Manifold." You said as he got up to put the pillow back in it's place.

"Of course love." He pressed a kiss to your forehead as we walked away for a second.

"Hey! Why did you invite me anyways?" You asked.

He walked back over to where you were standing and pecked your lips and winked at you. "Free content darling."

[chinchilla-7]

Idk where to put this but I wrote it last night and am proud of it enough to post it here. Plus, I don’t want my messed up sleeping schedule to go to waste.

Anyway, here’s a long headcanon type thing of a reader (GN) starting a relationship with Genji and Hanzo Shimada. It really just spurred from my bad crush I have on both of them, but maybe other will enjoy too.

Like I said, I wrote this at 1am, so if there’s any mistakes/weird parts, my bad. I also didn’t proofread this cause we die like men, y’know. Anyway-

Hanzo + Genji x GN!Reader

Disclaimer: No, Hanzo and Genji are not dating each other in this. The reader is just dating both of them at the same time.

You hadn’t meant to develop a crush on both Shimada brothers. It just sort of… happened. The longer you spent being around them - whether it be together or separate (it was usually separate) - the more you fell for their charm. They both had that same special quality about them that you couldn’t keep away from,

It certainly didn’t help that it seemed that both brothers had developed a fondness towards you. Both showed it in different ways, of course: Genji’s walls broke down just enough for you to catch glimpses of his younger, playboyish behaviour; and Hanzo’s walls broke down enough for you to experience a more gentle, softer side of him.

So now you were bouncing back and forth better spending quality time with each of the brothers. You weren’t cheating since you weren’t in a relationship with either of them, but there was still this weird feeling at the pit of your stomach that you couldn’t shake.

Of course, you weren’t the sneakiest about seeing both of them - and given Hanzo and Genji’s past, they knew a thing or two about keeping secrets - so both of them caught wind of your relationship with the other. And, at the beginning, they kept quiet about it, despite how much it bothered them.

This back and forth game couldn’t keep going forever, though, and you knew it, but you couldn’t bring yourself to come to a decision. You had fallen for both of the brothers and having to pick only one hurt more than you were willing to vocalize. Well, until you had to.

Eventually, Genji and Hanzo approached you about the situation; it appeared that they had had a discussion between themselves before coming to you, and a mix of emotions washed over you: anxiety, guilt, fear - the general emotions you’d expect to feel in this situation.

You knew that this was the moment where you had to make a decision. Neither of them were necessarily mad at you, but they had made it clear that they no longer wished to participate in your little ‘game’ as Hanzo put it.

You were quiet for a long moment before you could bring yourself to say what you’ve been feeling. You’ve known for a while what your decision on this matter actually was, you just couldn’t bring yourself to accept it - now, however, there was no choice but to do so.

“I want to date both of you.”

It was an odd statement, you knew that. And it wasn’t odd due to the polygamy that was involved, but rather the fact that you were asking to date brothers. You could tell by the shocked and confused looks that you were going to have to give them more than that as your answer.

“I-I want to be in a poly relationship with you two- you two wouldn’t be dating each other, obviously, but I can’t imagine picking one of you over the other… so I want to be dating both of you.”

You knew it was a lot to ask: a brother being okay with you dating them and their brother. But, there was no other outcome to this that made you happy.

It took all too long for either of the Shimadas to respond. It was Hanzo that spoke first:

“I need some time to consider”

That was not a no, so you were more than happy to accept, especially since Genji agreed with the sentiment. You told them to take the time they needed to think it over and you thanked them for even considering it in the first place. There wasn’t much else said from their end afterwards - it was mainly just a nod and a ‘see you later’ before they both left to their own thoughts.

Though, when you told them to take the time they needed to decide, you didn’t think it would be this long.

It had been about two weeks since you had laid a poly relationship out on the table. You hadn’t really talked to either of the Shimada brothers since then, which was probably for the best, but it only made your gut twist more and more into knots.

They had kept to their word, at least, both taking the time to think it over:

After some deliberation, Genji reached out to a couple close friends to aid in his discussion: Zenyatta was the one he spoke to the longest about it, and it really boiled down to the need to also converse with his brother.

Hanzo, not being as close to as many people, mainly spent his time alone to think. It ended up being the only thing he thought about: being unable to get away from it even during his meditations. His mind would just wonder back to the possibility of dating the same person as his brother. He had nearly reached his breaking point before Angela suggested that he needed to talk to someone in order to get out of his head. And, of course, what better person than Genji.

Despite both of them knowing that it was for the best to speak to the other, it still took a couple days for Genji and Hanzo to sit down and discuss this matter with each other. Sure, they could speak about the fact that you had basically been dating both of them at the same time, but now they couldn’t look at each other at the concept of you actually dating both of them at the same time. Still, they made an attempt, and it was a better attempt than they expected. They even managed to speak about other topics they had been avoiding - it ended up being a rather long conversation.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Ganji and Hanzo approached you once more. If only you could get a read on their faces, but Genji had his visor on and Hanzo was as unreadable as ever. You managed to give them a weak smile, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Though, it seemed that the worst wasn’t the reality.

“Genji and I have taken the time to really consider your… proposal and, after quite a bit of talking, we both agreed to date you.”

Okay, so his wording was a little awkward, but that didn’t bother you. In fact, you barely noticed since you were more focused on the fact that they said yes-

Genij cut off your train of thought: “Though, I think it’s clear that there are, um, boundaries that need to be set before we really go further with this relationship.”

You nodded, agreeing immediately since you knew that came with any relationship - but especially in a polyamourous relationship featuring two brothers.

After that day, and setting some basic ground rules and boundaries, you found yourself in a decent spot dating both of the Shimada brothers. It was rocky at first, of course. The three of you were still finding your footing, but you were the happiest you had been in a while.

There were some moments in the beginning of your relationship that were rough: like during times where the three of you would hang out together, neither were sure if you were okay with them initiating affection while the other was also around - they also weren’t sure if they were willing to tell the others around them the current standing of their relationship. There were quite a few hurdles to get through.

It took some time, but the three of you managed to work through the many challenges that came with the reality of your relationship, and you were so happy that Genji and Hanzo were putting in as much effort as you were. It made this all worth it.

[qslovebot]

Heroes: Spencer Reid

Request: cooould i request a spencer reid x reader where the reader and Spencer are on a car ride? it could be that they are on a case and they have to drive (maybe the jet is broken? or something idk) and it's sunset, they spill feelings and so much fluff? 'With Heroes by David Bowie'

rb: @ellyhotchner

Pairing: Spencer x Fem! Reader

Warnings/Includes: mentions of Spencer's gunshot wound, kissing, fluff.

Spencer Reid chuckled as he crutched toward the SUV parked in the lot. He was a little too fast on crutches for a man who had been shot in the leg. It was a little while since he'd been let back to work and he stupidly lied about being allowed to travel so now, the way for lesser trouble was to have him drive back with another agent and Hotch assigned the dreadful task to you. "Could I at least drive?"

You shook your head as you caught up, "Flex your foot, Reid." He paused, putting his foot out and flexing it. With an immediate intake of breath and wince of pain, you shook your head again. "I will drive."

"Fine," he sighed, tossing you the keys. He paused again sheepishly at his door. "W-would you mind helping me into the car?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm sorry-" you pressed the unlock button and walked to the other side of the car with haste, taking Spencer's crutches and standing still so he could use your arm to stabilize him as he climbed in.

His thin fingers lingered on your upper arm for a second and he blinked a few times before looking up at you through his hair. "Can I choose the music?" He asked it as if it was the most serious question in the world. But he knew what was coming,

"Hell no!" You bat his hands away and darted to the other side whilst Spencer tried to beat you to the radio. He was already in the car, so of course, he beat you to it, but you jumped into the driver's seat and bat his hands away again. "Damn it, Spencer. I won't sit through another four-hour drive of nothing but Simon and Garfunkel!"

"I don't want Simon and Garfunkel!" He protested, his eyes wide. You couldn't stare him down without your heart racing, so you waved your hand in dismissal, starting the car as he fidgeted with the sound system.

Pulling out of the dank, dark of the precinct parking lot, both of you had to shield your eyes from the sun. Staying inside an interrogation room all day, you two were hardly aware it was even day. You checked the car's clock- it was nearing six o'clock.

Late spring, the days were getting longer. Shielding your eyes with the visor, you pulled onto the road. Spencer clicked a button and music began to play. You looked at him, mock-anger in your eyes and hit him in the shoulder, "This is Simon and Garfunkel!"

"Be nice, I was shot!" His voice climbed in pitch. Your hand shot forward and Spencer was faster, so he caught your hand before you could even touch the radio. His hand was cold as ice and his palms were soft. Spencer wouldn't hurt you, so the most he could do would be to stop you from acting. Your heart skipped a beat and the car swerved the slightest bit. His voice was higher now, "Eyes on the road!"

He was lucky he was so gorgeous, it saved him from a lot, but you'd never tell him that. He'd probably use it to his advantage and you had never been good with romantic feelings, so it was best you treated him with... friendly hatred. There was a thin line between working well together and working too well together so you used your friendly hatred to try and hide from the team... maybe a little... well, they're all profilers- it was for peace of mind.

So you let him have his Simon and Garfunkel, but only until you made it to the highway and you moved fast enough to get to the radio.

"-Playing you the top 80s hits all day, every day," the radioman said before the song kicked in. You laughed at Spencer who looked like he just entered hell.

"We grew up in the 80s, don't tell me you don't like 80s music!" You gasped, turning your head back to the road. "Spencer..."

"Actually, studies say the music you listened to in high school is the music you're supposed to like for the rest of your life, meaning for us two, the mid to late nineties."

You nodded, then glanced over again, "But didn't you graduate high school at twelve, boy genius? That would be... 1993?" You recounted his years at school and then your own shortened experiences.

Spencer shook his head, "It's-it's the time period of a typical person's high school years. From when we were... uh- fourteen to about seventeen for us, even with accelerated minds. I listened to Simon and Garfunkel and you were... stuck in the 80s?"

"Probably," you laughed, turning up the music as you continued down the freeway. The sun continued to shine, going from soft natural light and eventually sliding into a deeper shade of orange.

It had already been an hour and a half on the road and you had your hand out the SUV window while the sweet wind blew the left edge of your hair in boundless spirals. Spencer had just finished a long, educational rant about the production of record disks, which you already knew about, but listened anyway. You loved how excited he got to tell you things, his hands flailing about, gesturing to demonstrate ideas and thoughts.

Looking over, he seemed to enjoy feeling the air on his skin and wind in his hair. So you decided to drive onto one of the side roads, surrounded by dusty hills and rising dunes for twenty minutes more, letting him relax without worrying about his head being taken off by a semi. He deserved it, after all, he risked things to come out here.

It was finally your turn to put on the radio and you caught the radioman doing his little talking blurb, this time discussing the topic of summer cottages before the song kicked in.

Heroes by David Bowie. You gasped, "Oh my god, I haven't heard this in ages!" Spencer looked over and smiled a little, ruffling his hair. You didn't notice that smile of his, you were busy going absolutely ballistic over this song that meant so much to you. The song always made you feel oddly limitless and free. You didn't regard his constant admiration for you in the moments when you weren't looking.

You had turned up the music and let your hand out the window do the dancing you couldn't in the car. This song was powerful, beautiful, and your focus was balanced between music and road, not on Spencer, who seemed to be sinking into the beauty of the song as well as the beauty of you.

He always admired your liveliness. You brought out the less analytical, fun, youthful side to him and he really did need that sometimes. Watching you drive, hair blowing, he remembered the lyrics to the song. They may have been locked up in his mind somewhere, but he knew them and watching you enjoy the music so freely, he tapped the window's edge and mumbled along.

You didn't really care about much in those moments, because when you looked over and saw Spencer knew the lyrics, something about that made your heart flutter. The music, the lighting, him. You.

The view out the window was magnificent. Red sand, a dipping ravine and you were overtop of it all. Everything about these moments continued to get better, so you decided to pull over. Just for a minute.

"What are you-" Spencer started, but looking out the window he saw just what you did. You put the car into park, but kept it on, turning up the radio and hopping out. Spencer was able to get out of the car himself and crutched over to where you stood against the SUV door.

♬ We could be heroes, just for one day ♬

Oh, it was so gorgeous you could stay here forever and not need anything else, ever. That was until you turned to Spencer, admiring how he looked on this abandoned roadway, standing in the golden light, shadows cast perfectly over his face. You smiled up at him, time seemingly slowing for all of this to happen. It was an odd notion that the world continued to move when it was just you, him, and David Bowie blasting loudly on the radio.

He was thinking the same thing as he watched the way you shut your eyes for a moment, taking it all in. You didn't want to shut your eyes in fear maybe all of this would disappear. The dream-like lighting and Spencer, looking as if he was sculpted by the most talented artists, just seemed too perfect to really exist there with you.

But you needed to pull it together just for a moment, just to make it seem like you were still there with him, because if you stared too long, maybe you would accidentally fall into said dream.

"Not many views like these in Quantico," you turned to face him and he looked down at you before turning to face you as well. His hands were on his crutches but they looked like they begged to be in his pockets so he could rock on his heels. "It's so beautiful."

"You'r-" he coughed and cleared his throat, brows furrowing as his head turned back to off the ravine. Was he about to- no, you were kidding yourself? There was no way, it was the Bowie. "It is beautiful. E-especially with the lighting."

You nodded, "Mhm. I didn't know you knew any Bowie."

"It was actually Bowie's 12th studio album, released on October 14th, 1977, the only album in the Berlin Trilogy that was actually recorded in Berlin. I... read and listened." He scrunched his nose, probably afraid you wouldn't like him ranting, but you always listened.

You cringed, "I may have already known that."

"Oh, sorr-" he cut himself off when you smiled at him. There was something about this song that made him want to tell you everything he'd ever thought about you from the moment you'd met. Something about the lighting that made you so much more enticing and entirely beautiful. Of course, he already thought you were the most gorgeous person in the world, but right now, you were glowing.

And you were thinking the exact same thing. He was standing less than two feet from you, looking down at you. Tall, beautiful, glowing. He was silent, as were you, but Bowie sang loudly to cover the sound of both of your beating hearts. Your smile faded, but it showed in your eyes.

Spencer looked at his feet while the song took over and he tucked your hair behind your ear without hesitating. You bit the inside of your cheek as he reverted back to where he stood, his straight-lipped smile kind and genuine. His eyelashes fluttered from your eyes to your lips and he was standing there. The feelings were unspoken, but all the same, mutually understood.

So you went to kiss him. It was all you could do and it was all he was wanting, but there was a shooting pain that shot up his leg like fire as he took the step forward, pulled by your hand on his shirt.

"Shit! Ow- my... hm... my leg-" He hissed in pain and you immediately let go. So much for that buildup. You would have kicked yourself mentally if it didn't already look like Spencer had been kicked by ten muscular men on leg day.

You covered your mouth with one hand and gripped his elbow with the other, "Spencer, I am so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking- all of it completely slipped my mind and I am... God, I'm so sorry, can I help?" You launched into random rambling, your heart racing.

Spencer reached up to your shoulder for stability and his head bowed to rest on your other shoulder for a half-second. You let him stabilize himself because he was in pain, but that wasn't his intent. Not a tick more later, his hand moved an inch up higher on your shoulder, then moved to the place between neck and shoulder. His hand continued travelling upward until it was on your cheek.

Taking you much by surprise, as you thought you caused him more pain than he was really in, he pressed his lips to yours as the last chorus hit. He finished what you had failed to properly start and there was no longer any more shame in that mess. His right crutch clattered to the ground and he didn't seem to care at all. His hands held your face firmly as your hand went right back to clutching his shirt, keeping him close as you kissed him back with the same passion.

Golden light, David Bowie, a gorgeous view, an abandoned road, and each other. You may have pinched yourself to check if maybe this was a dream, but it wasn't. Spencer wouldn't stop laughing when the kiss ended- that breathy, happy laugh you always admired. You weren't sure why until he held out his wrist to show you that he had pinched himself as well and you both burst out laughing a little harder than you should have. If this was how the world ended, you would end it in the best possible way, entirely content. But this was far from the end of anything, in fact, it was only the beginning of a whole lot of BAU teasing once they got a hold of the happenings of this road trip.

You gave Spencer a knowing look, scrunching your nose and he was thinking the same thing again.

"Maybe we'll lie to them for a bit?" You suggested, cringing again with a slight smile.

He nodded comprehensively, fighting a returning smile. "Keep this as far from Derek Morgan's hands as possible." He tucked your hair behind your ear again and finally grinned at you before picking up his crutch and letting you help him back into the SUV.

He got to the radio before you did and you gasped in near disbelief. "Spencer, no Simon and Garfunkel!"

Request Here

Tags: @mercy-burning, @laurakirsten0502, @softhairedhotch

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

Reki and Langa’s dynamic

It’s speculation at my part and a shameless rant on what i like about sk8 just to get it off my chest I’ve been so fixated help

it’s 5am I’m at uni and i have a shit ton to do, am I really gonna make an essay about sk8 instead? yes abso-fucking-lutely. strap on to your metaphorical skateboards kids. this is going to be long ride

this isn’t to call out anyone lol so in case you get that impression I’m sorry. I understand everyone is out to interpret media in whatever they like and that’s fine, but sometimes i feel like either some missed some points of the story? anyway here are my thoughts tho

alright so what i absolutely love about sk8 is how they didn’t make anyone into a genius.Genius is a mockery of the hardships everyone does to attain that level of skills. And no Langa is not a genius or a prodigy which I will explain later. I’ve seen enough shounen animes back in the day and usually it’s ‘annoying heart of gold beginner vs. calm and collected genius’ they usually hate each other’s guts and bicker all the time though secretly, deep down care for each other but would rather die than admit it dynamic. While I’m glad we’re moving past that, I really thought Reki and Langa would be like that so....

imagine my surprise when Langa was the ‘beginner’ in skating. He has the potential to be a second sasuke here lol. (blue, handsome, cool) but no he isn’t. he’s an adorable idiot, an airhead, head empty only skating dude and i love it. 

Reki as well. He could have been the usual protagonist. (sucks at his sport, loud, hardworking, and by the power of friendship he suddenly beats everyone else which i think is pretty overused at this point, don’t you think?) some people complain how Reki despite being the MC isn’t given screentime and hasn’t won a single beef. (and sure that’s true. he should have won some and langa lose some but we only have 12 eps so lol) but he’s not the usual protagonist you know? and sk8 isn’t about winning. if it was, I think they would have focused on the techniques. the hows and the what to do.

Idk if you noticed, but sports anime with winning in its goal would often explain in detail certain techniques. (see haikyuu) but shows like Free and Yuri on Ice isn’t exactly talking about how to win that seriously as Haikyuu did. It’s more focusing on the feelings and how their lives are affected with their passion for this sport. it’s about the character development!!! and i think SK8 is something like that too. It explores the character’s feelings rather than sport. (like what i tell my sister, they use the sport as a character device if that makes sense?)

this was literally in the opening lol. it’s really about the feelings you know?

so anyway it’s been pointed out several times that Reki was already feeling insecure about his skills in skating since ep 1 way before Langa came. But he still likes to skate and despite feeling never enough, he still enjoyed it. (some also pointed out that Reki’s reason of going into a beef against Shadow has been because he insulted his way of skating not because he wanted to be the best) so the show from the get go was already hinting at his self esteem issues.

this also implies that Reki has always been feeling like this in a while, added with his tendencies to bottle things up, it makes sense that he’ll blow up at some point and he’ll need to release all of those feelings. (so yeah i think this is just the right amount of eps for their fall out. i see some people complaining shush. otherwise it would also feel too rushed. this is years weighing him)

and i guess it’s also implied in here he’s had days like these too in the past! seriously it’s an ongoing problem he’s been carrying. i think 3 eps is pretty good enough pace to internalize it

so point: Reki was already down way before Langa came. langa just added to that. And don’t go blaming Langa cause the boy did nothing wrong.

Consider that Langa just lost his dad (i think we need more backstory on this though. please sdsjkdksl i need little Langa and his dad interactions) he just moved countries, and the only connection to his dad (snowboarding) is gone cause it doesn’t snow in OKinawa

though one also argues that Langa hasn’t been snowboarding since his dad was gone.

so for Langa, Reki introducing skating to him was revolutionary. You’re someone grieving over the death of what is probably the most important person in your life, the thing you love the most no longer gives you joy (as was shown in the flashbacks and basically Langa going ‘it’s the same’) and you’re in a new country with a language you barely are fluent. you can’t even read or write, and you barely have friends granted you don’t have much back in the day. it’s horrible.

and then this guy you barely know talks to you, befriends you, helps you get a job, and teaches you something you thought you’ve lost and through that you made more friends??

yeah you see why Langa likes Reki. You also see why he’s obsessed with skating. It’s kind of like a coping, a fixation. plus he’s bad with social cues i guess? the interview says he’s likely to get dumped for being too inattentive lmao and that’s what makes him interesting!

also the thing that really surprised me when they first interacted was how supportive Reki is to Langa. it also got to me with how much Langa thinks highly of Reki. Again a deviation to the ‘i say i hate you but deep down i care for you’ trope. they’re full on supportive and protective. i like that. it’s fresh to me. I thought Reki was going to the tsundere ‘hmph that’s not a big deal’ route at the start of ep 2 but he’s really amazed. (kinda also says he’s been very desperate for someone to share skating with but that’s another topic)

so Reki teaches Langa how to skate. and Langa sucks. Which was interesting to me because I thought Langa would be some flawless prince-like character. But nah. He trips and faints at his own blood lol. He’s so uncool and i love it.

Some people say Langa is over powered with a thick ass plot armor which gets him to win (which is why i see people saying he should have won against Joe and I actually agree that Langa should lose some beefs but again only 12 eps, so little time)

but I still wanna talk about it anyway so it’s revealed Langa was snowboarding since 2. That’s 15 years. I think that should be around the same time Joe and Cherry should be skating. and i think if you start earlier as a kid, your body develops differently. (should Langa, “an amateur” win against Joe a pro? the question falls more on whether you can classify Langa as an amateur) i think it’s like Langa being very used to motorcycle tricks from age 2 then suddenly he’s using a regular bicycle, and sure the feeling is mostly the same but there’s just something off. Your body doesn’t easily forget what you know, especially if it did it for 15 years. and so Reki customizes a board for Langa so it’ll feel exactly like snowboarding

So Langa has a customized board that he needed to get used to before he went pro. He really sucked the first few eps lmao. but that’s more of him getting used to the new rules. he pretty much told Reki in ep 2 that he can’t do a skateboard ollie, but he can do a snowboard one bec it’s attached to his feet.

(i may just want to add that one thing i also like about sk8 is that it really doesn’t care what you need for accommodation? if that’s how you do it best, then go for it. When Langa says to Reki he can’t do the ollie without the board attached to his feet, Reki immediately goes his way to accommodate him. usually people in real life might say ‘it’s not real skateboarding if you need a modification etc. but look at Cherry with a freaking AI board and people are like yeah whatever do what you want man. whatever rolls your board.)

so anyway Langa vs. Joe with Langa winning despite being an amateur? if you can even call him an amateur that is. Plus all his tricks are snowboarding tricks lol. everything he’s done is testament to his 15 years of snowboarding?? We don’t even know how good Langa is in snowboarding. Someone make a post about how difficult the snowboarding equivalent of those tricks Langa has done just to show people it means he’s pretty pro (I’ll even argue maybe Langa’s real talent is his creative ways of going around things which kind of why Adam is highkey obsessed, and calls Cherry who calculates everything to the last second boring but that’s a different can of worms I’m opening later) plus Langa barely won against Joe so there’s not much difference in level i think. Should Langa have lost though?

I think some have missed the point of that beef in Reki’s pov. and if the Renga reconciliation is done well, it would be worth it.

that beef got Reki to realize he what he really wants! that it’ll kill him if he can’t skate anymore! that he doesn’t wanna only cheer on for others and be a support! THAT HE WANTS TO SKATE BY LANGA’S SIDE WHICH IS THE REASON FOR ALL THIS INSECURITIES if Langa lost, that cathartic realization might not have happened. He might have gone to Langa and cheered him up, brushed off his insecurities and, made up with Langa halfheartedly without addressing his problems

I’m going to go back to Reki’s insecurities. In ep 6 he’s been afraid of being left behind, and sure Langa came back for him but he still forgot until midway. (will that parallel how Langa got too excited with the idea of skating, the same feeling he thought he lost forever. The same thing that he thinks connects him with his dad, and might have left Reki behind, but later remembers and goes back to chase him? hopefully) in ep 4 it’s obvious he’s afraid of the near death experience Adam gave him, and he’s just realized how different their skills were. in ep 5 he worries about Langa, enough to get nightmares about it. mixed with his friend getting hurt. it’s obvious the feelings are very very muddled there.

So he begs Langa not to skate with Adam.

And what did Langa do? say that he wanted to skate with Adam. (again he’s not the most attentive. he probably thinks he’s just skating with his best friend, all is good then boom. Reki leaves. as a person shit with dealing with other people, i don’t blame him at all) he’s trying to fix it though, but his bond with Reki primarily revolves around skating! how else was he going to warm up with Reki? He also doesn’t know that Reki has self esteem issues that’s always been there since the beginning. He probably doesn’t understand it too because he holds Reki up highly. in ep 6 when Reki was going over his board, Langa thinks he’s pretty cool. he didn’t hear what other said to Reki. He’s earnestly having fun with his friend

We should also note that Reki was never angry at Langa’s skills, he wasn’t resentful that Langa was far ahead. Again he’s been nothing but supportive. He doesn’t want to pull Langa down. He wasn’t like Miya’s friends that lashed out at Miya for being better. in ep 7 he tries his best to follow Langa

it feels like he’s mostly regretful that he can’t catch up. he doesn’t want Langa to slow down, he wants to go faster and meet him where he was. So it makes the realization that all he wants to do was be in equal with Langa more frustrating because he thinks he can’t keep up. (and this only ever started when he heard he’s like Langa’s plus one. there’s that daunting feeling about being pulled around. not being his equal) 

if you need further proof, when Langa and Joe were having a beef, he wasn’t aggressively hoping Langa would lose. in fact he encouraged him. He worries deeply He calls him out when he was doing badly. Still very supportive as ever. So really the frustration isn’t to Langa, again, it’s all internal. He wants to be better

so he’s feeling shit and Langa goes to him in the middle of the rain, bless langa for trying, thinking talking about skating (what he thinks Reki loves and would probably cheer him up, not knowing that’s exactly his problem) tells him

which is probably the worst he could say.

THAT’S what got Reki mad, not really Reki being insecure though that’s part of it, that’s what they’re fighting about, Reki is angry he’s breaking his promise. He thinks Langa doesn’t care about Reki, that he’ll easily break a promise between them that Reki obviously cares about just so he can go skate with Adam who is way better than him. It blows to the self esteem. Reki probably also think that if only he was better, langa wouldn’t bother skating with someone that dangerous. it doesn’t help at all.

but langa doesn’t know this. he doesn’t see all this. Langa might have been too up the high of skating like in ep 6, he sorta left Reki behind again.

it kinda makes Langa’s mom’s words hit harder though

and he did just that. he got too engrossed.

It parallels adam, cherry and joe’s friendship then probably tadahsi’s too but who knows? reki and langa, and tadashi and adam might parallel too, the master and the student thingy Adam might have gotten too obsessed. So Joe trying his best to make sure Reki and Langa won’t end up like them hits a little harder in my chest ;’)

but Langa won’t be to engrossed i think

because unlike Adam who’s aggressively looking for his ‘equal’, Langa is just looking for someone who makes his heart beat, to make him feel like he’s skating with his dad again, someone he loves dearly. (there’s a parallel about loves here too between Adam’s and Langa’s. but I can’t write it now) and he probably already thinks Reki is his equal anyway. He just wants to have fun. he doesn’t think much about the skills.

maybe at first he does. that’s why he’s drawn to Adam but from ep 9, it was pretty much shown that skills really doesn’t matter from when he skated against Joe

if Adam easily discarded his friends because he think they’re boring (which was why the whole skateboard to the face thing with Cherry), langa doesn’t think like that

if anything Reki is important to Langa because he only has fun skating with Reki, who taught him how to skate and made his board. (his board that was customized to fit his style btw, and arguably the only reason he could skate that well. without it, he might as well be a beginner once again.) so without reki, langa is left with nothing. especially with his broken board

no fun in skating, no way of skating. He’s only manage to get this far because of Reki and he knows that now. All of it would be pointless if he doesn’t have Reki (and either he gets so obsessed in chasing that feeling again, or he stops completely) but in case you haven’t noticed it, Langa’s motivation revolves around having fun with skating no matter the skill or place. And he’s having most fun with Reki.

But Reki obviously doesn't know Langa’s feelings. He thinks Langa was forever looking for someone better. So he’s still caught up in the idea that Langa won’t want to skate with him (even though Langa has never shown this) and he left S entirely, thinking what he wants is impossible. fucking just talk you two motherfucker

(I also wanna point out that Reki has always been shown from episode one to be good at making boards. And that’s amazing? We need some support recognition and appreciation, seriously) I think maybe most who find problem with Reki not winning beefs like the usual shounen protags aren’t used to the nuance and perspective of being someone ‘ordinary’. Reki’s character is relatable because most of us feel ordinary, never enough, surrounded by geniuses, ‘inferior’. And if we’re being realistic since a lot are saying joe should have won because langa winning is unrealistic and you want realism so bad no I’m not salty at all there will always be someone better than you. ALWAYS. but what’s important is for you to have fun in what you love! in what makes you happy! AND even if you’re not good at one thing (in Reki’s part, skating) he’s also good at other things (making boards) so does he need to stop one for the other? no. He’s shown to enjoy skating with Langa, he doesn’t wanna stop it hurts him so much he quit. But he can also hone his skills in making boards as well as skate. He’s equal with Langa in a way he doesn’t even notice when he made that board for Langa, but even Reki’s presence alone makes Langa enjoy skating the way Reki also wants Langa by his side.

So I think the next ep is the best time to confront all these feelings. And how it happens might be what’s tricky. Like romantic or not, i personally can read it both ways though i prefer if they do become canon. (idk if it’s queerbaiting. i guess friends can care as deeply as that but ngl, these shounen bestfriends having deep connections that are written off as friends while also giving us bland af hetero love interests who did nothing but exist and be straight really is messing with my perception of romantic and platonic love irl) anyway their talk better be done really well, or else all those episodes of tension would be for nothing

It’s a nice perspective to give a shounen protagonist this time. It’s new, it’s fresh. How many incarnations of underdog turned the best at their craft can you take? variety is nice! and if you don’t like it, there are always a dozen other animes like that for you to turn to. to conclude, IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE START: WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS???! AND FOR THEM IT’S THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BUT IN A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T  SUDDENLY GET YOU TO LEVEL 100000000000 TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS. FRIENDSHIP IS WHAT MAKES DEFEATING THE FINAL BOSS WORTHWHILE

Anyway tldr; maybe the real Eve is the friends we made along the way :D  and idk if I’m making sense but obviously I’m head empty only sk8. Renga needs to talk, i can’t believe they have the audacity to make a recap episode as if i wasn’t head empty only sk8 since february, and if there’s more emotional edging to come, i will burn some of the palm trees outside my house

[prrplwtch]

headcanons for all the demon brothers on what their thoughts are about dating a human, considering humans age quickly and die. they barely have a century, if that. and if they do last a century they'll be old. idk... if mc asked them if they truly meant to date them when they are 70 years old, what would they say?

Ahh, nonnie thank you for this request - this is just the kind of angst I’ve been craving lately 💜I’m kinda assuming here that the whole entire “die, turn back into angel, and then live happily ever after with MC in celestial realm” things that’s briefly mentioned in the game isn’t really an option for the boys, since I don’t really understand it. 

Anyways, after I wrote this, it appears Lucifer, Satan, Asmo and Belphie would break off relationship on account of MC’s mortality, and Mammon, Levi and Beel would stay. 

Lucifer

Lucifer starts thinking about it as soon as he finds himself falling for MC. 

He knows that the human life is quite short, and he’d lost so much of what he loved before - but for the first time in his life he’s this scared.

It seems MC will be taken away from him in a blink of an eye. 

Lucifer is not the type to give up without a fight, however, so he’ll likely try and find a way to increase human life span. He knows, of course, that it’s not possible to make humans immortal, but he will do his best to find a way to get more time for the two of them. 

Diavolo might find out about his efforts, and may offer to make MC a demon, but Lucifer will decline. That’s not to say he’s not tempted to accept - after all, that way they’ll be forever by his side, but he knows all too well the cost of a deal with Diavolo. 

If he finds something that may help lengthen human life, he’ll approach MC about it. If they accept, he’ll be delighted, but if they reject, he would fall into despair.  

Assuming that MC rejected the “longer-lifespan” solution and question Lucifer on whether he would stop loving them if they aged and died like a normal human, Lucifer would become very sad - picturing himself still “young” and full of strength when MC is old and frail is quite jarring to him. 

Will likely begin to pull away from the relationship in that case and might actually break it off - he is not ready to spend decades in fear, waiting for MC to become old and die. 

Alternative option is that he’ll apply the “long life” treatment to MC anyways (since often he thinks he knows better) but this would likely blow up in his face, since MC probably won’t be too happy about it, and for a good reason. 

Mammon

Mammon does not think about it at first - after all, he kind of lives in the present moment. 

However, one day, one of his brothers (maybe Lucifer or Satan) will definitely being up the fact that he’s dating a mortal and that their time together is quite limited. 

That would scare Mammon very much - MC is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he absolutely cannot lose them. 

He likely won’t talk to MC about it right away, but will ask around about the ways in which a human’s life span can be lengthened. He’s not big on doing research, so he’ll likely turn to Satan or might go to the witches and ask if they know of something. 

MC will definitely figure out that something is bothering Mammon - the boy is as transparent as they come, even though he tries to hide his true feelings. 

When confronted will tell MC about his worries and will mention whatever ways he had found of increasing the human life span, then will ask MC is they’d agree to those. 

If MC agrees, like Lucifer, he would be elated. If MC does not agree, and instead asks him if he’d still love them when they were old and frail, Mammon would feel really guilty. 

It would take him some time to figure out what he truly feels about this situation - after all, this is all so new and he’d never had to encounter such problems before. 

In the end, he’ll decide that he’ll stay with MC who refused the “lifespan lengthening” treatment - the man is the avatar of greed after all, and there is no way he’ll give up the most precious thing in his life, even if it’s inevitable that it’ll be eventually taken away. 

Leviathan

Like Mammon Levi does not really think about it, until one day he he ends up watching an anime with a similar premise - an immortal girl meets a mortal girl and they fall in love, and the anime follows their life together. 

He thinks a lot about himself and MC when he watches it. He’s worried at first, but the story is a beautiful one and very peaceful, all the way through the end, and that definitely gives him solace. 

“Even though our time is short, we can still live a happy life,” he thinks to himself. 

Unlike his other brothers, will likely bring this up to MC unprompted, but asking MC whether they had thought about the future with him. MC will likely wonder why he’s asking, prompting Levi to explain about the anime. 

“So then you’ll still love me when I’m 70 and old and frail?” MC will ask him with a smile, and Levi will assure MC that of course he would. After all, theirs is a true love, just like that of the two characters from his anime, so how could he ever walk away from his one true?

Still though, Levi would like to get as much time with MC as is possible - he loves them very much after all - so he will ask if they are interested in looking into ways to increase the human lifespan. 

If MC agrees, Levi would be very happy - the more years he has with them the better, after all. But if MC declines, though sad, Levi would respect their decision. 

Satan (you can pry tolkien-fan satan out of my cold dead hands lmao)

Satan definitely thinks about the fact that he and MC would not have much time together as soon as he finds himself falling for them. 

After all, how could he not when some books he enjoyed reading had discussed at length the griefs that would befall the mortal and immortals who decided to spend their lives together. 

It worries him, of course - he knows that human youth is painfully fleeting and soon enough MC would age. Compared to millennia that he had lived, it seems as though MC will turn old and frail in a blink of an eye. 

He thinks he’d like to stay by their side, but one thing worries him - how will they feel when old age came upon them, and he’s still as “young” as the day they met. 

Satan would likely talk to MC about his concerns, trying to see what they think about the issue. 

When MC asks him if he would still love them when they are seventy, the question will likely put fear into Satan’s heart. It would seem to him that MC resents the fact that they will age, if they are asking things like this.

Satan knows a lot about magic, so he, like his brothers, might try to find away to make sure that MC lives longer, and will be glad if they accept. 

However, if they do not, like Lucifer, Satan might withdraw from the relationship. It would be unintentional at first, but the more time passes, the more he’d think about how MC would feel in the end - when they are old and he is still young. 

He knows he would not be able to hide his pity for them when that day comes- and he knows he does not want to shame them like that. So it is possible that Satan would break off the relationship to prevent more hurt further down the road. 

Asmodeus

Asmo, like Mammon, doesn’t really think about the future the whole lot, until someone points out to him that his time with MC is limited. Well, “doesn’t think about it,” is not completely fair - he did for a moment, but then quickly pushed the thought to the very back of his mind. After all, how can he be his fabulous self if he’s sulking? 

Still, now that someone else had pointed this out, Asmo cannot avoid the topic any longer. It causes him great anguish - he loves MC, and imagining them old and grey and weak is not something he wants to think about at all. 

MC would likely pick up on Asmo being more sad/reserved that usual, and when they ask him about it, he’ll likely be pretty open about his feelings. 

“Not to worry though,” he’ll tell MC, “I know this one witch - and she looks not a day over twenty five, when, in fact, she’s about five hundred years old. I’m sure if I’ll ask her nicely, she’ll share the secret of how to lengthen human life span.”

He’ll be delighted if MC agrees and would proceed right to calling the witch. However, if MC declines and asks him instead if what he said means he would not love them once they turned old, Asmo would be conflicted. 

On one hand, he would, of course - after all they’d still be them, but on the other hand, he could hardly bear to picture them old and frail. He’ll try to convince them to change their mind, of course. 

If he does not succeed, Asmo might find himself pulling away from the relationship. He loves MC a lot yet, but he does not want to get hurt - and he knows their death would absolutely destroy him. 

He might find it easier to break off the relationship completely rather than suffer for decades in wait of MC’s death.

Beelzebub

Beel, like some of his brothers, is not really the type to ponder subjects like this, so it’s most likely that he hasn’t thought about how the relationship between him and MC would inevitably come to an end with their death. 

That is, until one of his brothers points it out. 

The thought makes Beel very sad - he loves MC so very much and he never wants to be separated from them. Still, he understands that that’s the reality of life - humans are mortal and one day MC will be taken away from him. 

Knowing that they only have a little time together (well, obviously decades are not quite “little time,” but to someone who’s lived for millennia it probably is) he’d want to spend all the time he can with MC. 

He’d likely stay in MC’s room as much as he can, go with them everywhere, spend all the free time that he can by their side and be really sad when he cannot be next to them. 

MC would likely notice the change in his behavior - it’s not like he did not spend a lot of time with them before, but now he’s spending considerably more time with them - and ask him about it to which Beel would likely tell them the truth, that he’s scared that one day he’ll lose them. 

When MC asks if that means he’d still be by their side when they are old, Beel will be taken aback by the question. How can MC possibly think otherwise - of course he’d never leave them?

Unlike his brothers, he probably won’t look into the lengthening of the human lifespan - after all, MC does not seem interested in it, and he’s already grateful for all the time that they got together. 

Belphegor

Unlike his twin, Belphie definitely thinks about the fact that humans are mortal and that there is so little time for him to be with MC, as soon as he finds himself falling for them. 

Belphie’s terrified of losing any more of the people that he loves, so MC’s mortality is causing him great anguish. Unlike some of his brothers, however, he’s pretty good at concealing his true emotions, so it’s likely won’t be as easy for MC to read him as it is to read some of his brothers. 

Still, eventually the silence will become too much to bear, and Belphie would tell MC that their mortality scares him. 

When the conversation occurs, he likely hasn’t looked into the ways of making humans live longer just yet, but he’s certain that that’s possible, so he brings it up as a possibility to MC. 

If MC accepts, that makes Belphie happy - the more time he has with his beloved the better. If MC rejects, he feels really sad and a little angry - he wonders if MC doesn’t love him enough that they are refusing to do this for him. 

When MC asks him if he’d still love them when they are seventy years old, Belphie’s taken aback by the question. On one hand, MC would still be themselves, but on the other hand, loving someone who is on the death’s door, who is bound to die so soon. The very thought hurts.

Belphie thinks he’d suffered enough hurt in his life, and he does not want to go through several more decades waiting to get hurt again, so he’ll likely end the relationship to prevent pain down the road. 

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

[firelord-frowny]

obligatory disclaimer that this post is ENTIRELY based on my own perceptions of my own experiences, and may or may not be true to a broader degree. 

anyway, Weight Stuff under the cut. also LMFAO this post is long as SHIT lmfaoooo and it doesn’t even end with the topic i meant for it to be about. 

Sooooo, i’ve always very loudly been on Team Mind-Your-Business-About-Other-People’s-Bodies, and i still am, and i am ALWAYS down to (usually gently) call out someone who’s overstepping their boundaries as far as other people’s bodies and lifestyles go, blah blah, and i am KEEEENLY aware of the damage people cause with fatphobia, and that rhetoric surrounding ~diet and exercise~ is almost ALWAYS malicious in terms of hyperfocusing on “ugly fat” and shaming people into feeling horrible enough about theirselves that they pay out the ass for Quick Fixes, and there’s almost 0 focus on The Actual Health Benefits of a healthy lifestyle other than just Maybe Being Slimmer. 

But alsoooooooooooooooooooooo???

i’ve always felt like, because of all that shit, it’s so difficult for me to feel comfortable talking about my own body and my own habits and my own shortcomings and my own goals. like, i DO feel bothered by the weight I’ve gained recently. NOT because it makes me feel ugly - i don’t feel ugly at all. i literally almost always feel beautiful lmao. NOT because i’m worried about how other people see me - i don’t have relationships with people who would give someone a hard time about their weight in the first place, and beyond that, i’m generally unconcerned with what people think of my appearance. 

the thing that bothers me is that i KNOW my weight gain has been the result of unhealthy lifestyle choices. i’ve always eaten more junkfood than anyone i know, and i’ve always tended to eat VERY few healthy things. so like... that’s bad enough for my health. but i ALSO don’t get much physical activity. and then covid hits and my job is snatched out from under me and i spend most of every day in the same 100 square feet. so like... OF COURSE i gained weight. lots of people did! people gain weight all the time for lots of reasons and nobody should feel bad or guilty about it. 

but for me, even though i don’t see my weight gain as cause to lament about my appearance, i DO see it as an indicator that i’m not taking very good care of myself. i mean, if i’m thinner with a shitty diet, then my thinness kind of allows me to ignore my bad choices because there’s no ~visual~ reminder. i know that’s prolly fucked up, but that’s what’s happening in my head. when i’m thinner, i don’t have to acknowledge that there are going to be consequences for my choices. 

but to SEE my body change as a direct result of crappy diet and no exericse??? it’s really made me see how urgent it is that i start treating myself better RIGHT the fuck now. i mean, i am Young, but i won’t be young forever, and the longer i keep eating garbage and sitting around all day, the sooner i can expect to start having real health issues. and like, heart problems run in my family (as they do in MANY black families). i already have pcos, and that puts me at a higher risk for stuff like that. 

so, it’s been scary to have to face the reality that i’m setting myself up for disaster. 

and i figured that CLEARLY i’ve been unable to get myself on track For Free, so i finally caved and signed up for noom, and i’m down almost 10 pounds already.

and i get on the scale and weigh myself and i feel proud! i feel happy! i feel capable! i feel like i’ve proven to myself that i CAN make better choices. i’m NOT weak-willed. i’m NOT incapable of taking care of myself. 

But then I feel like i shouldn’t say that out loud, or i shouldn’t tell people how glad i am to see the natural result of my healthier choices. 

i’m not glad because i look different - i’m glad because my different look is a sign that i’m succeeding in taking control of my lifestyle. my different look is visual evidence that i’m eating more fruit and whole grains and drinking more water and i’m eating less sugary foods and less meats, and i’m eating healthier portions, and i’m not snacking all day. i can SEE the proof that i’m making choices that are going to give me a better chance at staying healthy throughout my life. 

i’m KINDA exaggerating in that i don’t actually think i LOOK different just yet lmao i feel like i look more or less the same. but i definitely do FEEL some subltle differences. i mean maybe it’s a placebo effect, but i think my forearms are slightly narrower and my bewbs are a bit less... cumbersome lmao. (i SWEAR like half of the weight i’ve gained has been in my boobs alone omfg). 

but idk, i guess what i’m trying to express is that i just... don’t feel comfortable sharing how glad i am about my progress bc most of my social circles are comprised of people who are rightly critical of the way people talk and think about weight loss. i knooooow that most reasonable folks, if i give the Full Explanation about how my gladness is due to the fact that i can see that my lifestyle is changing for the better, would understand and would be happy for me. 

but uhhhh lmao some people Aren’t Reasonable and are committed to having a negative reaction to any statement that seems to exalt thinness in any context at all whatsoever. 

and i KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW that a person’s weight is not an automatic indicator of their health, and you can’t assume that a person has Become Healthier just because they’ve lost weight, and you can’t assume that a person has become unhealthier just because they’ve gained it. there are all kinds of reasons for people being whatever size they are, and we can’t make those kinds of judgments about people’s size bc obviously we don’t know their life! we don’t know if they eat veggies and go jogging! we don’t know if a thin person has a cinnabon for breakfast every day or if a fat person is a professional dancer. so like. it’s stoopit to assume anything at all about a person’s health/lifestyle just based on their size. 

BUUUUUUUUUUT!!!! an individual person can make those judgements about their own size and their own health. like, people know why they’re the size that they are, whether it’s genetics or lifestyle or health related. one person who’s super thin knows it’s because they have a fast metabolism. another person who’s thin knows it’s because they starve theirself. another person who’s thin knows it’s because they intentionally make choices that would result in their size. and the same goes for big people! they know if they eat too much junk food, or if they’re just genetically ~meant~ to be their size, blah blah blah. 

so when a person talks about their own weight and how it relates to their own health and their own lifestyle, i feel like it’s Inappropriate to lecture them about how ~it’s okay to be fat, you don’t need to lose weight~ blah blah. bc like... DUH, it’s okay to be fat. whether it’s because of lifestyle or genes, it’s still okay. it’s allowed. and people should be free to feel beautiful and see theirselves as UNCONDITIONALLY valuable and intrinsically worthy of the space they occupy in the universe. If a person actually disparages theirself because of their weight, then sure, you’re probably welcome to tell that person that their size, no matter the reason for it, has no bearing on their worth and that they have the right to feel good about who they are and how they look. 

but if someone says, “you know, it’s really time that i finally started eating right and exercising so i can be healthier and lose weight,” thennnn... i feel like the only appropriate response is to cheer them on and tell them to go for it! if someone knows that their weight is the result of unhealthy habits, and they express a desire to change that, there’s no need to try to tell them that they don’t need to try to change it omfg. 

like... literally everyone needs to eat well and exercise in order to give theirself their best chance at staying in good health. thin people need to eat well and exercise. fat people need to eat well and exercise. they only people who DON’T need to eat well and exercise would be people who are actually physically incapable of rigorous movement or people who are, idk, allergic to most ~healthy~ foods. 

So if someone who’s been eating junk and sitting around tells you that they want to start eating well and exercising... that’s a GOOD THING. 100% of the time. it’s ridiculous to respond to that with a lecture about ~all sizes are beautiful~ and ~you can do whatever you want, you don’t have to Fit The Mold~ like omfg THAT’S NOT THE POOOOOIIIINNNTTTT!!! 

basically, i feel like in the midst of rightly defending fat people’s right to exist as they are, some of the Discourse has inadvertently careened into the absurd territory of actually DISCOURAGING people from making HEALTHY lifestyle changes that would result in weight loss. 

as i’m typing this, it also occurs to me that there seems to be an assumption that anyone who intends to lose weight is planning to do it via extreme but temporary methods like restrictive diets and unsustainably vigorous exercise. 

i feel like some people need to acknowledge that there’s a difference between “i’m only going to eat one meal a day and exercise for 4 hours a day so i can lose 30 pounds before my wedding day,” and “i’m going to lose my excess weight by transitioning to a healthier lifestyle.” the former describes an unhealthy and unsustainable attempt to starve and overwork yourself to lose x amount of pounds that you’re inevitably gonna regain after you go back to your normal habits, and it’s exclusively focused on appearance. like, it CAN’T be about health, because those methods are unhealthy! you don’t get healthy by doing unhealthy things! 

the latter describes a legitimately healthy way of life that can and SHOULD be sustained for a person’s whole life if ptll ossible. there’s no need to try to force your body into a different shape in a short amount of time when you could instead just allow your size to adjust slowly to a permanent and positive lifestyle change. 

but it seems like there’s a knee-jerk reaction to condemn weight loss in any context altogether. 

i under staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand why people might have that attitude and i’m not mad about it. i GET why some people might be hypervigilant about condemning any belief that suggests that being fat is something that a person should be unhappy about, and i don’t want people to stop doing that. 

but i doooooooooooooooooo think that perhaps it’s time that people begin learning to trust other people’s analyses of their own bodies and their own choices and their own goals, and learn to tell when a person’s weight loss is motivated by genuine health reasons, or by social pressure/shame/embarrassment. not everyone who wants to lose weight hates their body. not everyone who wants to lose weight has low self esteem. people can feel fabulous and gorgeous in their current body, and still want to make choices to change it via improving their health.

and like! some people genuinely just don’t WANT to lose weight that they know they’ve gained from unhealthy habits. some people are totally fine with living their life the way they like to live it, and prioritizing their enjoyment of their lifestyle over efferts to prevent future health issues. and that’s their right! and nobody should say shit about it! mind ya business! 

i kinda compare it to like... cave divers, or daredevils, or mountaineers. those are all HELLA dangerous activities that kill or seriously injure a LOT of people. and the people who engage in those activities KNOW this. they KNOW that they’re at a significantly higher risk of premature death compared to people who DON’T do those things, and they know that they could increase the odds of living a log time by Not Doing Those Things. 

but they do it anyway! because they want to! because they think it’s fun! because the enjoyment of the activity is, for them, worth the risk of harm. they’re living a lifestyle that could kill them, but nobody says shit about it. nobody shames them for it. they just accept that people have the right to be cray cray if that’s what they want to do. people might think daredevils are stupid, but they’re not trying to bully them into quitting. 

so if somebody wants to eat a diet comprised of nothing but eating cinnabons 3 times a day every day their whole life, that’s their right! mind ya damn business! if somebody hates exercise enough that they’re okay with the possibility of health problems down the line, then fine! it would be fair to worry about that person and to wish that they’d make differen choices, in the same way that it would be fine for someone to worry about their dearedevil friend and wish that they weren’t a daredevil. but it’s still not grounds to be a dickhead to them. 

[purpleflower04]

Fanfiction Year in Review - 2020 by Purpleflower04

Yes, this’ll be fun! Thanks for the tag, @sing-in-me-oh-muse!

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

I think it’ll take forever to link everything, even with only 22 works (ok, 21 of them are Miraculous Ladybug and the last is a Christmas Jelsa fic)

You can find them all here!

I suppose I could list out statistics.

As of January 2nd, 2021, I have:

22 total fics - 3 longer fics, and 19 one shots (one of them being Jelsa; same one as before)

3 longer fics - Broken Keys, Mended Strings (a collab I’m doing with @torilovesmiraculous,  As It Should Be, and  MLB: Uncertainty

9 Lovesquare, 2 lukanette, 1 (platonic) Adrichat, and 10 general ones (I didn’t count background ships)

2 Number of words written:

68231!

3 Your most popular fic:

No doubt, it’s definitely  Almost Disaster! It’s about Marinette handling Hawkmoth like a boss when the akuma gets into her purse, but can’t convince her to turn evil. Her classmates look at her in shock and fear as she makes remarks back to Hawkwkmoth. I think people like seeing akumanette/close akumanette out of curiosity for how she’d handle it.

4 Your personal fav:

Wow, that’s difficult… have to say  Kwami Freedom. The focus was on the Kwamis getting out of the miracle box without any productive reason, other than to be free and do whatever they wanted. They got to explore just about wherever and whenever they wanted to visit. Giving the kwamis freedom made me also feel free, and I enjoyed it most, even if the fic didn’t want to finish itself. It was still a fun journey!

5 Your fav scene:

Oh, how can I just pick one?? I don’t remember my fics to that amount of detail. It’s probably writing the encouragement in Almost Disaster. I never thought I could write savage Marinette, but I proved myself wrong. After that, I saw if I put my mind to it, I could write whatever I wanted to, without any real limits, only myself if I let it.

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

It has to be Exposed,  which was my first fic exchange (and the only one I did as of now), and I got a challenging prompt where Alya figures out that Marinette is Ladybug, so she gives Alya something special to keep it a secret. At first I had to think about what this special thing is, but then I’m like, “oh yeah, she’s Rena Rouge, I’ll just permanently give her a miraculous,” especially since I like finding ways to give people miraculous permanently, so this was something we’d both like, which was a bonus!

7 A line of writing you’re proud of:

This is from Unknowing Love, and it was specifically when Chat Noir pretends to be Adrien, then detransforms. When he does, Plagg says something unusually deep, but funny (imo).

Anyway, here it is!:

“You know, take in my purrsonality and yours to make the charming, daring, hero of Paris, full of puns!”

8 A comment that touched you:

I’ve gotten so many comments that made me want to happily cry and just celebrate! It’s so hard to pick just one! This comment from Side Effect is just PERFECT, because I didn’t know I could make people feel this way from just a transformation:

“Okay, this was short and cute! And idk why, but the moment they transformed, I felt a shiver run through my body. Guess I felt the power of transformation too!”

9 Something that inspired your writing:

To keep going, it was the people in  Miraculous Fanworks Discord server that helped me out! If I had writer’s block, I would go to the sprint channel and just write. It worked so well, I also use it for writing school assignments (but that’s a little off topic). If I had a specific question about how I should continue my fics, I’d go to the writing channel. There was NO EXCUSE for writer’s block, and now I barely know her, fanfic or not, haha!

To start or continue? What inspired me to start was really just being bored and telling someone I wanted to write MLB fanfic, so they directed me to Miraculous Fanworks Discord server. I then asked for advice, and one of the people there was like “get a beta get a beta get a beta,” and so I did after finishing my first fic.

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Finishing Kwami Freedom for sure! It took forever for the fic to finish itself. I felt like I was so close, but then also the same amount away from finishing at the same time. It took weeks because I would only write around 100 words at a time.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

Yes! It would be to make a fic for someone who gave me so much advice and a heads up for difficult topics if I was taking one of the same classes as them. I’m using the one prompt they posted on the server previously mentioned and using a ship they like, so hopefully they’ll enjoy reading once I get to it! I am also aiming to finish Broken Keys, Mended Strings, make a soulmate AU for February, a songfic, and a Choose Your Own Adventure fic.

I’m surprised someone wants me to share my answers, but typing all this was fun, and I hope more authors do this!

I’ll tag: @enonimouse @dot-dotdots @ladycat1 (If I didn’t tag you, I either don’t know you, or I think you’ve already been tagged for this).

[angel-deux-writes]

Hi Angel! I've been a big fan of yours since HCM, and so I wanted to express my concern for your wellbeing. There was that big break when you took a month or so to finish HCM before posting it in quick succession, in order to not have to deal with the comments. Now, from what you've been writing in the notes to Dorne Rights, it looks like you are experiencing something similar. The selfish fan in me wants you to keep writing and keep posting, but the basic human in me is more worried that (1/2)

you are unhappy. Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy over, particularly not something that’s meant to give you pleasure. A favourite author of mine back in the days of my Spike/Angel obsession had a disclaimer on her stories telling readers to please not leave feedback of any kind, not even constructive criticism, on her fics because she finds them unhelpful. Her comment section was full of chats about various topics in that fandom, rather than her own fiction. Might help. (2/2)

Hello! I really appreciate this message, because you’re right: fanfic writing isn’t good for me.

(lol putting this beneath the cut because it’s way too long)

It’s actually my experience in this fandom that has made me realize that writing in general probably isn’t good for me, but unfortunately I feel a drive to it and can’t seem to stop myself from thinking I’ll one day get published, so that’s a bit of a downer. The truth is that I’m naturally disposed toward thinking that I’m shit, my words are shit, and every thought I’ve ever had is unoriginal and poorly written. It’s always been like that, from the time I wrote my first attempt at fiction at 7 years old to now at 31. It takes a lot for me to share my writing with people. I started writing fic at 14, basically as soon as I discovered that I wasn’t the only person composing stories about Han and Leia in their free time. I’m sure that my fics were horrendous. I give myself a hard time now, but 14 year old me probably deserved it even more. But there were sweet people on the internet who encouraged me (and lied to me) and told me that my stories were good, and that made a huge difference. 

(that and my freshman year english teacher, who was very very cute and earnest and young and made me feel like I could actually be a writer.)

I’ve never been a part of a fandom before. Discourse and meta and long discussions about canon events have never interested me. I’ve said that before, and it remains true! I consume what canon there is, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m so dissatisfied with it that I need to write something, and so I do. I don’t think I’ve ever written fic for something that I found entirely satisfactory. The extension of my being part of an actual fandom in the past was probably reblogging a few gifsets and recommending it to friends. I’ve just never had that sort of communal experience. This, the J/B fandom, was my first time really getting into it. It’s the first time I’ve ever made friends online that weren’t just frequent commenters on long multichapter fics! It has been exciting and I’m grateful for it! It’s just also probably not good for me. 

It’s just, like, every time I post something, I’m fighting a very loud and very desperate voice in my head that’s saying “you’re shit and you shouldn’t bother”. It’s why I’m so good at writing first drafts of novels but so, so bad at getting past the second. It’s why I usually post fics only until I’ve worked out my frustrations: one or two fics per fandom and then ghosting away forever. It’s very hard to defy that voice and post something anyway, and this fandom experience has taught me that no matter HOW many stories I post, I’m ALWAYS going to have to fight that voice. And it’s gotten actively stronger. “You’re not what this fandom wants” “You’re not good at this” “Everyone’s just being nice” “You’ve overstayed your welcome”. Paying attention, often by accident, to the discourse and the metas only makes it worse, because my brain automatically turns to “well YOU don’t write them like that. That means you’re wrong”. I can tell myself as many times as I want that I myself like many different interpretations of J/B! My brain goes “yeah, but you’re just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. There’s a right way, and you’re not doing it”. 

THIS IS ALL SO DRAMATIC! But it’s just the truth! Every time I post something, it’s against my nature. NO ONE outside of fandom reads my writing! I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed my close friends and family to read things. So while it may seem like, idk, like I should just be able to get over it, negative comments, or even SLIGHTLY critical comments, really hit me hard. For all the positive feedback I get (and I really AM super grateful for it, and it means the world to me), those few critical voices seem louder because they’re agreeing with what I have already known about myself. And so it feels almost like a victory, but a shitty one. “Ha! I was right this whole time! I AM a shit writer, and I’ve for some reason tricked those other people into thinking I’m good!” 

For a long time (much longer than I’ve ever written for any other fandom, obviously), I was able to shove it to the side. The J/B fandom HAS been super good to me, and they HAVE been wonderful about giving me feedback and making me feel welcome and included. But those negative voices are just SO LOUD to me, even though I know logically that they shouldn’t be. 

It would be easy to point to a specific problem and say that my issues will be fixed if only I can address that. I do it CONSTANTLY. Maybe if I stopped tagging other relationships. Maybe if I stopped tagging other characters. Maybe if I tagged my works super specifically. Maybe if I made author’s notes about how I’m a shit writer and people shouldn’t expect things from me. Maybe if I just wrote “THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ALREADY AND IM JUST EDITING AS I GO! PLEASE DONT SUGGEST THINGS!” I just feel like, increasingly, I want fewer and fewer eyes on my fics. It’s the opposite of the problem I thought I would have. But my confidence took a huge hit with HCM, and then I was finally feeling good enough to post Dorne Rights. It was probably a mistake! 

idk, maybe it’s just all the shit that’s going on in the world + in my personal life. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m just running out of inspiration. But the positive voices aren’t loud enough to drown out my own negative self-voice this time, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle it. Part of me wants to delete Dorne Rights with the intention of reworking it and maybe posting it again down the line with fewer tags and a lot more reminders that people can write their own stories if they don’t like mine. Part of me wants to just do a HCM and post it all at once so that I can leave the finished product up (even if I now think the entire thing is garbage). Part of me wants to stop writing fic entirely, at least until the next time I watch something with an ending so bad it fucks me up. I think my solution will probably be a massive step back from fandom for a little while. I’ve been feeling a drive to work on my original stuff, and I should probably lean into that. I would like to still write and post J/B, once I find the inspiration, but I’m tired of feeling like this is a job. I think I got so deeply sunk into this attitude of “I NEED to write and post constantly because these people want me to, and they actually like what I write!!” that I stopped writing things because I wanted to write them and started writing them because I wanted to write things for other people, to make other people happy, and so that they could tell me that I’m not a shit writer at all.

I should make it clear that I do intend to write my JB fic swap thing FOR SURE. I will drag that story out of myself no matter what. But in general it’s probably just healthier for me to not spend so much time On Here especially, and on fic in general.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #306

i’m v talkative today so pardon my jabbering below.

What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten? I think I've had one of those lollipops with a bug in it before as a kid? I don't remember. What would be your most ideal profession? A freelance photographer. But I'm honestly starting to lose hope. Have you tried those coloring books for adults? Yeah; it's funny you mention 'em, 'cuz a family friend got me one for my birthday earlier this month. What is a topic you definitely don't want to talk about with anyone? I don't like talking about my sexual history, doesn't matter who you are. It's just uncomfortable. What was your first gaming console? An Atari. Is there something you're eagerly waiting for? What is it? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* MAY NEEDS TO FUCKIN' HURRY. My tattoo appointment is set then. :''') Do you/have you ever belonged to an organization? If so, which one? I was a Girl Scout when I was young. What is something you're very passionate about? Nature conservation, gay rights (equal rights in general, really), the pro-choice movement, and then there are less "important" things like certain hobbies interests and such. I'm sure there are more big ones that are just slipping my mind right now, considering I feel passionately for a shitload of stuff. What are you studying or what was the last thing you studied? I majored in Art & Design with a focus on Photography in college. But guess who dropped out. What was the last present you gave someone? I don't know... I mention enough that I don't have a source of income where I can really buy anything. I think the last thing I did was a Christmas gift for Mom a year or two back of a drawing I did of our late dog Cali, whom she absolutely adored. Do you enjoy plays? If so, what was the latest one you saw? Not really, no. What was the last thing you achieved? PHP has helped me focus on little victories, so prepare for an underwhelming answer haha, but it's something. I Facebook messaged an old friend I really wanted to catch up with, and everyone in group cheered for me. :') It was really heartwarming. What a shocker that this program is really helping me once again. What is something you would like to achieve at some point in your life? I would love love love to take at least one "famous" or award-winning photograph. It'd be such amazing validation that I'm talented at something I love so much. What is one philosophy you have regarding life/living/purpose? That's... difficult to answer seeing as I'm trying desperately to find my purpose. I do try to live by this old quote a therapist said once: "Deal with life, or life deals with you." I think it holds an incredible amount of depth and meaning in such a short phrase. How would you design the inside of your own home? I don't know the details of it, really, besides that shit is gonna look like a Halloween house year-round. I can imagine wanting black furniture, too, and having loooots of decor expressive of what I love and find comfort in. Gotta make a house feel like a home just for me. What is a band you remember liking from your childhood? Backstreet Boys, duh. Do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (i.e. abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)? Two things: it depends on the topic, and "get mad" is the wrong term for what I feel. It's more disgust; ex., I'm repulsed by anti-gay rights people and want absolutely nothing to do with 'em, but I'm not like, mad at them. Do you edit any of your pictures? In what ways? Oh yeah, and it definitely depends on the raw photograph. I edit depending on the mood it emanates; like if you've seen my roadkill photography versus nature shots, there is an extremely distinct difference in editing style and vibe. I'd say in general though, I tend to like to brighten my photographs and add more vibrance. If you like to take pictures, what is your motivation? God, I could write an essay on this. I just love and am so thankful for the fact we can literally freeze time forever with the click of a button and look back on fantastic sights, beautiful moments, memories... It's just magical to me, and I adore contributing to that art. Would you ever consider living anywhere cold? Well yeah, that's my preference, actually. What is your absolute favorite food? The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, jfc. Would you ever wear snake-skin pants, or other animal clothing? Fuck to the absolute hell no. What foreign country would you like to go to for a shopping spree? Idk, considering I'm not well-versed in the artistic creations of other countries. Perhaps India? Japan? I dunno. If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him/her? I'm asking for his fucking autograph and a hug while I smile my face in two AND cry lmao. What do you spend most of your day thinking about? I ain't gonna bullshit nobody, my PTSD. In some way or another, he's lurking in that head of mine through memories, flashbacks, wonders of what could have gone differently... but thank God it's no longer in the forefront of my mind after my first PHP. I've come very, very far, but especially when trying to blank out my mind to fall asleep, parts of PTSD strangle my brain until I'm just finally out. I really hope that changes someday. Where is a busy place you would like to go to? Yikes, nowhere, really. I like to avoid busy locations. Do you think video games cause people to become violent? Absolutely not. You are responsible for the decisions you make; music, games, movies, etc. have no deciding voice in stupid shit you do, and it's bullshit that people blame art and entertainment for such things. Vocabulary: What was the last word you learned? I'm unsure. Have you or could you build your own site? Absolutely not from scratch. The closest I've gotten to that is my photography website, but it was through the assistance of Wix. What's the best thing you can cook yourself? Scrambled eggs, haha. I do make some bomb eggs at least. Are there a lot of graffiti around your neighborhood? No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. God, I want to go vegetarian again... Besides English, what other languages can you speak? I can speak a very little bit of German. Took four semesters of it in high school and became very good at it, but lack of practice has pretty much ruined that. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well; as in, I can pronounce most words I see, but that doesn't mean I understand what is written. Do you think you could make it as a chef? Gordon Ramsey would deadass kick me off his show on day one, lmao. What's your favorite kind of tea? It marvels me JUST how many tea and coffee questions are in surveys. Anyway, I don't like tea. I am an embarrassment to NC culture. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you've been? lask;dfjal;wekrjwe What's the most freeing thing you've ever done? Stealing my happiness back from someone who had no right to hold it all in its entirety. That shit's mine. Do you think today's kids are really impatient? Most, probably, but in some ways I can understand it - at least, in the sense that with the assistance of modern technology and advancements in satiating our wants so quickly, kids just expect it. I definitely believe that patience is something to try to be deeply instilled in everyone, though. I don't have an ounce of it (in most situations) and wish I did. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? One of my favorite Southern experiences is finding a bunch of honeysuckles and tasting the honey (is it technically even honey??). Tastes amazing. My family's hairdresser lives down a beautiful path that sprouts a massive amount of them, and as kids, my sisters and her two boys would go tasting them while our parents talked for so long, or if we were waiting our turn. Good memories. What has been your worst restaurant experience? I'm not sure, really. What's the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? "Inappropriate humor type jokes." <<<< They can get me sometimes, too. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? I don't believe so, no. Besides making a tye-dye one in HS with our school colors. Wasn't my idea and never wore it, haha. Do you ever read other people's survey answers? It depends on the person. If it's a friend, absolutely, because I love learning usually obscure things about them I wouldn't have known otherwise. If it's a user I don't know from wherever I got the survey, sometimes, depending on how short the answer is and my eyes kinda just scroll over it. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, especially mornings. I'm generally happier when there's light around. What's your highest level of education so far? Some college. Describe your ordinary day: My average day is embarrassingly uneventful. It's sitting on the laptop doing shit on various sites, none of which are actually important, and playing WoW, which is also without true substance, save for social interactions with my friends on there. I spray Venus' terrarium everyday multiple times as well to keep the humidity up, and obviously eat and handle that kinda bodily needs stuff. Would you ever have a UV tattoo? Ugh, that'd be so dope. I've seen some awesome ones, but idk if I'd get one, considering when am I actually going to be under UV light?? Like I wanna be able to see my tat. What is the brand and color name of your favorite lipstick? I have one black lipstick, but it comes right off so I don't even like it. I only ever put it on to take pictures. What do you like on your tortilla? Just ham and cheese. How about inside your pita bread? I've never had pita bread, actually. What do you like in your burger? It depends on where I'm getting the burger. My basic is cheese, ketchup, mustard, a bit of mayo, pickles, and a light sprinkle of diced onion, but sometimes I add bacon and take away the onions. How about on your pizza? I have three I tend to pick from: pepperoni, jalapeno, or meat lovers. Do you work better alone or in a group? Alone, definitely. Which body part would you not mind losing? I'ma be extremely honest, with just how horribly weak my legs are, I could live without them, I guess. Not saying I want to by any means, it's just exhausting using them. Ideally, I'd take away something minor, like a finger or something. What common saying people use is absolute BS to you? “'Everything happens for a reason.'” <<<< Fuckin' colossal "same." I won't rag on people who believe it, especially if it gives you courage to keep moving forward, but I don't believe it in the slightest. If it were so, I'd like to talk to whoever is in control of those "reasons," please. What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week? I had no idea elephants were pregnant for two years, like holy shit, can you imagine. It was in an article I saw on Facebook about a mother and daughter elephant who are both expecting and doing well. Wonderful to hear. What’s the most useless talent you have? Ha, I'm a master in the arts of catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions involving people hating me in one way or another. What’s something everyone looks stupid doing? I'm one of those people who hate dabbing done by anybody, like you look like you're just smelling your armpit. Which kids’ movie scarred you for life? I wouldn't say "scarred me for life" by any means, but when I was little, I was terrified of the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz and even had nightmares about her. It sucked because my little sister was obsessed with that movie, haha. In one sentence, how would you sum up the Internet? A source of incredible knowledge but also hate and misinformation. What would be the most ridiculous thing for the government to make illegal? I literally dread the idea of Roe vs. Wade being reversed. Banning abortion would kill so many people with operational uteruses and cause absolute pandemonium. How many friends do you have on social media and how many of them do you know for real? On Facebook, I have 124 friends, and I'd say I know most of them "in real life." However, having been on the Internet since I was so young and befriending loads of incredible people, a good chunk are "online friends." Hell, I'm more interested in their lives than most "real" ones. Long-distance friendships are so valid. What fact amazes you every time you think of it? Lots of things, generally regarding the stupidity of humanity. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Probably going to the beach w/ my old friend Colleen. We had zero plans of doing it, but she just called me one morning and asked if I wanted to go, and off we went. It was a fun day. What has taken up too much of your life? I'ma be real, WoW. I don't think I'm addicted to it like I once was seeing as I go through spans where I barely want to play it at all and don't, so I truly am capable of not playing it, but rather it's just the most entertaining way to kill time in my life. I just don't like how much time I've invested into a game over six or seven years regardless. Where do you not mind waiting? Uh, nowhere lmao. Is there an app you hate to use, but still use every day? No; why would I use it if that was the case? Who is the funniest person you know? My friend Girt is fucking hysterical. What three words describe you best? Complex, passionate, and creative. What makes you think you’re smart? Lol who says I think I'm smart? Who inspires you? Korean Jesus. Okay on a serious note, not just him, of course, but he's #1 in an entire universe of ways. Do you aspire to be like somebody else? If so, who? No; I want to be my own authentic self. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Which one of your accomplishments are you the most proud of? I want to say my recovery, but like... I wonder a lot if it's "enough" to be proud of with how scarred I still am? I still struggle with a lot and feel like I could be so much better by now if I tried harder. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think it's finishing high school in the top percentile of my graduating class. There was a ceremony for the handful of us and all, and I cherish my plaque probably too much. Reminds me of a time when I knew what the fuck I was doing. What's the strangest thing you ever did as a child? Thinking I had "animal powers" where I could invoke the traits of certain animals at will, like what the actual fuck, Brittany. What did your mother teach you? Christ, a lot. Dad didn't do a lot of the raising, honestly, so much of my core values and whatnot were instilled by my mother. She taught me to care for and be nice to others, respect myself, try my best in everything, and most importantly that she is always there for me and my sisters no matter what and can tell her absolutely anything. She was very serious about us going to college and saving sex for marriage when we were younger, but she diverged from those ideas as absolutely necessary with experience. I'm extremely lucky with who I call my mom, overall. What did your father teach you? Eek... Read above. Not a lot as a kid (save for riding a bike and playing softball); most he's taught me has come following reuniting with him after my parents' divorce. I remember we went to lunch once and talked about my breakup, and he talked to me about sometimes, you just have to let people go in order to be happy, like with him and Mom. He's very serious now about ensuring us girls know that he is always there for us and will help us in any way he's capable. What makes you feel powerful? "Powerful" isn't something I really feel, if I'm being real. What are you ready to let go? It would be inexplicably fantastic if I could let every speck of Jason go in both my head and heart. What is your most bizarre deal-breaker? I don't really find any of my expectations and limits as "bizarre?" They're all valid to me. Well wait, idk if you'd find it strange that I absofuckinglutely would not date someone who hunts, but it's not to me. That's a difference in a very serious value to me. Would you rather be hated or forgotten? Hated. God, I don't want to leave this earth having given just nothing. I can live with some people hating me for whatever reason. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve made? Accepting my bisexuality, probably. That's something that I consider pretty big for two reasons: 1.) I could end up with a woman forever, and especially 2.) I was originally homophobic. I still have difficulty in fathoming how I ever was. What are some of your short-term goals? PHP is finally starting to make me build these again. I want to get better at selfcare, draw, write, and read more, I want to drink a lot more water, exercise way more... Lots of things, really. What is the weirdest thing about you? Uh. I dunno. Probably that I RP meerkats, which is a very obscure RP niche for sure.

[retvenkos]

Congratulations on the milestone!

🔥 Preferably Merlin, Percy Jackson or Harry Potter

I am a straight girl, a slytherin. I enjoy debating and literature. My zodiac sign is Aquarius. And I most definitely cannot talk about myself in a natural way. I am very opinionated and don't really enjoy fluff (like cute names and all that vanilla acting) though I like romantic actions. I like conflicted characters who are not particularly heroes as well as characters that don't open up straight away.

I am really curious about who you will pair me up with :^)

Congratulations again on the milestone, keep it up 😌😊

alright, just a disclaimer that it’s been a while since i’ve read percy jackson, so i’ll do my best, but my memory of the characters might be a little spotty.

Merlin:

I ship you with Elyan!

alright, so we all know that elyan is the ~mysterious~ knight, and that energy is perfect for you. you have to be at level 100 before he gives you his backstory, and you get to have a lot of fun theorizing about it, and slowly chipping away at his rough exterior. elyan is like, the definition of mysterious with a heart of gold and that’s honestly very iconic of him.

also, elyan would love that you are opinionated and have ambitions of your own - his sister is gwen, after all, so he’s very used to having lengthy debates. he would love to talk with you and have debates - you aren’t afraid to speak your mind, and he loves that about you.

the two of you probably talk a lot at the banquets and festivities that arthur throws as king - elyan finds them enjoyable for the first few moments, but he’s an introvert and needs time alone. the two of you manage to sneak off or at the very least find a quiet area, and you just talk - about anything and everything.

neither of you like to talk about yourselves very much. elyan is modest and he likes to keep up some mystery, and you struggle with talking about yourselves, so you often avoid topics about yourselves.

i imagine that, at some point, elyan asks you about yourself, and you tell him you’re not very good at talking about yourself, and so he says he’ll speak for you, then. and he lists off all of the qualities about you that he loves, and all of the little things he’s noticed, and he’s really spot on. he asks you how he did, and you compliment him and then proceed to tell him all of the things about himself that you have uncovered, and his smile - sort of proud and intrigued - is seared into your memory forever.

anyway, i think the two of you would make a fine couple - you’re both unique and independent, and yet elyan is incredibly loyal and would die for you.

furthermore, elyan, too, is not someone who is super big on excess fluff in a relationship. he’s a more private person, so his acts of love are kept for when the two of you are alone - not when all of camelot is looking. (though he does quite like stolen kisses in the corridors.)

i think that there would be a lot of deep understanding in your relationship, and so when elyan finally opens up to you (it’s after a long while, but when he’s ready, he does), he tells you all about his travels. you are one of the few to actually know all that happened to him in those years when he was alone, and when the other knights find out that you know, they beg you to tell them - percival likes to make guesses and you will either confirm or deny them.

(of course, you’ve confirmed complete lies, and percival has probably realized at this point that elyan did not fight off an entire village that outcasted him, creating a ghost town in his wake, but percival can never be sure which of your confirmed stories are real, and which ones are fake...)

Percy Jackson:

I ship you with Luke Castellan!

first of all, before luke joined kronos, he was actually a well-respected boy. like, camp members loved him - he was kind and had a witty personality, and he cared about the camp members, so he had a lot of loyalty to them. i can see all of this lining up with your personality really nicely.

i think luke would have really loved you! your opinions, your inventive way of thinking, your individuality, and your inexplicable luck? luke finds you fascinating - both kind but honest, both a dreamer but grounded in reality. you are his favorite person to be around, and he loves just watching you in your element.

idk if you are more of a sword fighter, knife fighter, or an archer (or whatever else have you - magic? necromancy perhaps?) but luke likes to watch you in action - you have such a determinedness to you, and you’re extremely clever, so watching you in battle is always fun. you outsmart your opponent and are fierce while doing so.

he also loves to relax with you while you’re reading - you thoroughly immerse yourself in novels, and he likes to watch the expressions cross your face - happiness and sorrow, confusion and excitement, he thinks it’s cute.

your introverted side mixed with his extroverted tendencies would be an interesting mixture - but i feel like luke enjoys his downtime and it wouldn’t be too much of a strain on your relationship.

i so think, though, that luke holds a lot of his cards close to his chest, and he doesn’t open up because he knows he has a lot to hide, and with you... it would be opening the floodgates. you definitely know this, and you want to know what he’s hiding. it’s a source of frustration for the both of you, and working through that is difficult.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Sirius Black!

now, this was not my first thought, seeing as sirius kind of has it out for slytherin’s in general, but i can actually see this really working, so stick with me

i want to say that you and sirius were childhood acquaintances - maybe you’re from another pureblood family that’s always been in slytherin, and so your families often talk and bring their children along. you and sirius were encouraged to play with one another, and i imagine the two of you didn’t always get along

sirius is outgoing while you are reserved. both of you are a little arrogant (you mostly when it comes to your intellect). neither of you would back away from a fight, and generally you have a lot of tension together. with sirius, your strong opinions become scathing remarks, and your debates become arguments. he just knows how to infuriate you.

and yet, the two of you also seem to gravitate toward each other - in every room, you manage to find sirius and he manages to spot you. it’s irritating. 

i imagine that before you head off to hogwarts, your families meet up one last time, and you’re talking about hogwarts, and for once, you aren’t arguing. it’s rare that the two of you share these moments, but it happens every once in a while, and it’s happening again.

neither of you want to be in slytherin (and sirius coaxes this out of you with great difficulty) - you want to be a ravenclaw and he a gryffindor. you’re independent and witty and definitely clever - you could be in ravenclaw, but you also don’t want to betray your family. sirius says that if you end up in ravenclaw, the two of you can be social outcasts together - of course, you’d have to keep your bragging down to a minimum, and your debates, too. they can be awfully annoying. and you tell him alright - but he’d have to keep his pride in check, and that reckless abandon that gets him so often into trouble.

and then you get sorted. and he is in gryffindor. but you’re in slytherin. and part of you mourns just a bit for the connection the two of you could have had - the daring escape from your life that almost was.

and in your house, you’re wonderfully clever, but also introverted and independent, so you often go overlooked (as so many aquarius slytherins do). you often get spared by the pranks that the marauders do just because you hang back from the group, but you get in the thick of some of them, sometimes, and it’s easy to get frustrated at sirius all over again.

at holidays, when sirius returns home, you criticize sirius for his pranks, but the two of you don’t spend as much time together, anymore, and when you do, it’s mostly spent in silence - both of you reading books and avoiding the others gaze. it’s no longer a comfortable rivalry between the two of you - it’s awkward and tense.

i imagine that in your fifth year, the two of you end up being partners in some class or another - potions, maybe, or divination or something. at first, the two of you didn’t talk much, but one day sirius asks about regulus, and that opens up communication again.

and then it’s back to your frustrated debates (now done in whispers, so the teachers don’t hear) and sirius’ cheeky teasing. and occasionally, on days when both of you are sobered or maybe just tired, you have those soft conversations again. and neither of you are great at opening up, but both of you are feeling a little lost and maybe a little trapped, and your friendship grows over the course of the year.

neither of you talk in the halls very much, but he’ll slide into the chair across from you in the library, or he’ll catch you on your way out of the great hall, and slowly, a romance starts between the two of you.

of course, if word got out that you were having romantic feelings for sirius black - blasted off of his family’s tree sirius black - you would be in deep trouble with your family, so the two of you keep it a secret. 

it’s rough going, but both of you promise that after school gets out, you will run away together.

of course, fantasys can only live too long, and at some point in your seventh year, your parents want to make you a full on death eater.

i imagine that you are independent, driven, and steadfast in your beliefs enough to run away - you go into hiding from your family and leave hogwarts without graduating, only giving a cryptic message about where you are to sirius, asking him to go and find you when it’s safe.

now, this ending could go a couple different ways - sirius goes to you right after school and you join the order of the phoenix with him, it’s not safe so he has to wait a while and he goes to you after lily and james die (with baby harry ofc because he’s his godfather), or, he only ever makes it back to you after he’s been in azkaban for forever, or, even worse, he never makes it back to you.

oof. that’s rough, buddy.

[tcmpcral]

1. FIRST NAME: masha.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: my father’s birthday is the day before mine :v

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: i mean, i’m asexual and aromantic but aesthetically i guess i could say the quintessential. roman?? nose for some reason fjfeka; i just like the look of them lies down also certain kinds of genuine smiles get me right in the heart. dark eyes are also very nice. or perhaps i should say like. when someone has dark eyelashes?? i think that’s it. also i’m always reminded of a girl i went to ireland with who had a seriously endearing case of doe eyes, and i’m still not sure if her eyes were just naturally that shape or if she used makeup to get that Look but either way i thought she was extremely pretty the whole time lmao the fact that she was also very sweet and thoughtful didn’t hurt either

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: rice and eggs fjjfiea; eggs in general, tbh. possibly also noodles. and dumplings. cheesecake. lotus paste. smoked cheeses hhhh sALMON. sweet potatoes. maybe pears and apples listen i’m sorry i love food, there can’t be Only One

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: hominy fjfkda; cauliflower. uhhhh also tuna casserole blegh. asparagus jfjkf;da oh YEAH I HATE BOLOGNA TOO i can’t. i can’t do it hhhhghg. and yet i love vienna sausages and deviled ham...

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: whispers taking the long way home so i can spend more time listening to the radio and singing along with it probably lmao

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: whatever i wore the previous day fjfjiea; I’M SLOPPY

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: technically neither, but i guess i’d take flings over the other

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: lies down i do kinda wish i hadn’t dropped out of high school. on that front, it’s worked out in the end, but. still. it would have been nice to have kept up with my friends orz on a different front, i’m conflicted about it, but. sometimes i wonder how much better my life might be today if i’d gone straight for nursing instead of getting an art degree ._.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: i. think i can be

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: yeah it’s still the kung fu panda trilogy lmao. but also tokyo godfathers, shutter island aaand. idk jurassic park? tremors? a good chunk of the x-men movies bc i’m not very picky with them and there’s things i like about most of them?? thinking emoji oH there’s also that movie push from 2009. the one with chris evans :v

12. FAVORITE BOOK: a little princess, war of the worlds, uhhh on the beach, house of stairs, the secret garden. i was once weirdly attached to this book i read in jr. high called where the lilies bloom. i also loved heidi uhhh. see, there were all these obscure books i read in late elementary school and jr. high that i loved that i often have trouble recalling rip. like there was one called eva, and another called home before dark. one named belle prater’s boy. the crystal garden. sweet sassy tree hhhh almost anything written by robert cormier ahaaa

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: i’m honestly very happy keeping dogs as pets, but i’ve always wanted to. like. idk, maybe pet a wolf or a fox or other wild canid. i’d also like to maybe have a cat someday. and parrots and other birds are adorable and i love them, but. oof. they just seem. Intimidating pets. maybe someday i can have ducks or geese again, tho. oh, and. i’ll admit i’ve always been amused at the thought of having a pet goat, bc my grandmother apparently did as a child lmao

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: oh boy there’s. a Bunch. let me think... i. still have a very big soft spot for germany/italy hhh. uh. i hope the rest of them don’t have to be canon bc..... yeah. anyway still attached to beerus and whis... wheezes and both euroshipping (kaiba/bakura) and what’s apparently called stormshipping now (fubuki/manjoume). and ok i have to go with another hetalia one bc i’m such a sucker for france/russia lies down i was also once a big lex/zex shipper, and i still have a soft spot for. what it once was. not entirely too comfortable actually shipping it now since i haven’t Kept Up with kh and i’m not 100% on zexion/ienzo’s age anymore squints

15. PIE OR CAKE: ....whichever one cheesecake falls under :v

16. FAVORITE SCENT: ohghfjfkda there’s A BUNCH. aloe vera, bleach, lysol, sweet pea, tea, tires, sawdust, cucumbers and melons, ginger, beer

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: yeahh, i still don’t really have one but. i do have a lot of affection for weird al lmao

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: whispers i would love to go to russia some day, but i think everyone knows that lmao. i’d also love to revisit ireland, especially killarney and blarney castle. and i’d love to revisit sorrento. and possibly italy in general tbh aaaa. i’ve also always kinda wanted to visit china 6_6

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: pretty sure i’m an introvert, but i also happen to be one who really loves crowds

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: i’m a. very jumpy person kffja; also certain topics Disturb me way more than others, and ngl i have something close to an Actual phobia of the dark rip

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: i’ve never had an iphone, so probably android

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: animal crossing. also tetris when i’m bored. i love puzzle games like poppit and bejeweled lmao i used to play kingdom hearts and super smash brothers, and i miss them both tbh. i also played crisis core, two star fox games, and the world ends with you at some point. and uh. a handful of legend of zelda games when i was a kid. my favorite game is probably majora’s mask :v

23. DREAM JOB: comic book creator orz or some kind of concept artist for animated movies. but. i’ve come to terms with the fact that i’m not really. Good(TM) enough for that, so nowadays i’m much more interested in something more mundane like nursing. as long as it’s night shift, i want it

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: SO MUCH. get my car back in shape, pay off my grandparents’ house probably, go back to school fINALLY, move out lies down there’s so much i could do with that money lmao

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: there. aren’t any tbh lies down the most i usually get to is feeling neutral toward a character lmao except i just remembered umbridge exists so she might count

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: not counting the ones i keep coming back to, there’s uhhh. gundam wing, star wars (waaaay back when the phantom menace was first released lmao), digimon, x-men evolution. i was in the MCU fandom for like a month before i lost interest XD;; i might count yugioh and yugioh gx as part of this, but. i’m still kind of invested in those tbh

all of these i’ve just kinda fallen away from thinking emoji i’ve never really had a bad fandom experience, so. you know

[mc-amps]

Thoughts on Ray’s Route and Unknown

A crazy long rant >.<

It’s been exactly a year since I finished Ray’s route. I still remember that day quite well. I found it actually kind of romantic that I finished on Valentine’s Day. It was like Saeran was my Valentine. My thoughts on the route at the time were that of anger and joy. Suit Saeran made me furious, but GE Saeran made it better. He made me cry a lot of happy tears. Now that a year has passed, I wanted to talk more about my feelings about the route.

Everyone who knows me knows that I’m passionate about Unknown. Heck, just by looking at my blog, you could probably see that. From the very moment I saw him in the game’s opening movie, I was very curious and excited to see the trouble he would cause. I ended up seeing the prologue bad end on youtube and was like “Dang that’s hot +_+” Idk. I’ve always had a thing for those sweet talking kidnapper villain characters. The ones you know aren’t good for you, but if they ever got their hands on you, they’d cherish you in their own twisted way.

As I played through all of the routes, the part that excited me the most was when Unknown would show up and do bad things. Zen’s route in particular was so thrilling. The fact that he didn’t show up in Jaehee’s route was a bummer, but I was extremely disappointed when he did nothing in Jumin’s route too. Jumin was the one I ended up really liking, so I had been hoping to see my main man duke it out with evil side bae. Unfortunately, that never became a thing T_T

I saw some minor spoilers for Seven’s route, so I knew that Unknown would be heavily involved. I ended up being really disappointed with that route. At the time, I blamed it on Seven’s pushing MC away, but in hindsight, another major factor was that we really didn’t get to interact with Unknown much after the break in. Even during the secret ends, he’s there, but doesn’t really pay much attention to you. I guess I had been hoping to explore things with Unknown and his twisted view on the player. I also really wanted to help him recover after Mint Eye, but Seven took total control with that.

By that point, I had kind of accepted that Unknown wouldn’t be dateable, so I just figured that Jumin was my “true end.” But then the Christmas DLC happened. . .

It.

Was.

AMAZING!!!

Seriously! Unknown’s ending was everything I wanted from him!! He abducts you from the RFA, spoils you with gifts, and ties a ribbon around your neck +_+ He’s menacing and creepy, but still very charming and fun about it. It’s thrilling. My only disappointment was that it was so short, but that sparked the hope that Cheritz had more plans for him. Surely, they wouldn’t include that as the only way to end up with him.

When V’s route was announced, I clung to the hope that they were also going to secretly include a Saeran route. I figured that the route would branch off from the prologue bad end and let us spy on the RFA or something.

So then V’s route came out. Gah…I could go on a huge tangent just about V, but all I will say is that I felt no chemistry with him at all, and grew quite annoyed with all the secrets and shenanigans. Ray intrigued me though. Due to not having enough HG, I had to wait to do V’s route, so seeing Ray’s name in the call card purchase thing and also seeing his little intro bubbles when you first start up game made me feel even more hyped. I was so eager to see what this dude’s deal was. Once I played, I was definitely enamored by his cute creepiness, though I was under the impression that it was Unknown putting on a sweet charade for the MC and would soon show his true colors. It did get to the point where I got a little frustrated with Ray and his lies, because I just wanted him to rip off his suit, ruffle his hair, and reveal his true self. That did end up happening…though much later and not at all how I expected. Anyways, Ray did grow on me more, and I found myself feeling frustrated and agitated once we got separated.

And then Unknown showed up. O. M. G. Did that man show up. I honestly still remember exactly what I was doing when that went down. I was upset about missing a Ray call, but then my friend messaged me and said that I was going to LOVE what was about it happen. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was still in my towel, hair dripping wet when I did the chat and got the phone call. THE PHONECALL!!! That had to be the moment that I feel deeply and madly in love with this man. The way he says that he wants you and even says he will show you the things that Ray wanted to do to you. I was on the edge of my seat. I was screaming, blushing and swooning. Even though he could be quite frightening, it was still very fun. I was so excited to see what would happen, and I even spent the extra HG to call him as much as I could. I was honestly hoping that he would come to the cabin, or that we would at least encounter him in person, but alas… he really wasn’t out all that long T_T

I will say that Ray being worried and upset about the possibility of Unknown hurting MC was quite touching. I really was developing feelings for Ray. I didn’t adore him as much as Mr. Sexy Edgelord, but I still liked him, which brings me to the topic of how Another Story handled Saeran. Yes, I do think that Ray was added to make Saeran “romanceable.” I really don’t see any signs of Ray in the OG game, however, my friend, TK, pointed out that during the secret end when Unknown and child!Saeran seem to have that back and forth and then shoot V, that was dissociation. So that could be a hint about him having DID. And it does make sense that Unknown would have eventually taken complete control by the time the OG timeline takes place. All that’s to say, I really don’t mind Ray. He’s a sweet and cute bebe and his creepy side is pretty fun. He and Unknown have a pretty interesting dynamic too. Both have the same desires for keeping MC while destroying V and Seven. It’s just that they go about it different. Unknown is bold and unapologetic, while Ray keeps things in and is much more gentlemanly. They clash, yet I could see them growing to get along and work together. They would honestly make an amazing team. As you can imagine, I was pretty sad when Ray died and furious at V for still not revealing the truth to Seven. Really V? REALLY!?!

So fast forward to when Ray’s route was announced. I was hyped. Absolutely HYPED. This was the most excited I had been about something in a long time. I preordered the Mint Eye box and then waited, and looked at endless fanart of Ray and Unknown. My predictions for the route was that we were going to save Ray from the fate of Unknown completely taking over. That we were going to teach him what real love was compared to obsession. After all, he acts very clingy and creepy in V’s route, so that seemed to be the problem that needed fixing. I also was highly anticipating what Unknown would do. We would be stuck with him, completely at his mercy. Hhhh +_+ I was also thinking that he and Ray would be constantly switching control and fighting each other. But I hoped that they would learn to accept each other. My main worries for the route were that 1. Unknown would disappear forever at the end. 2. MC would be taken away from Magenta and separated from Ray sometime during the route. And 3. Rika would get all freaky fresh and get in the way. Rika did ruin things, and Unknown did end up disappearing forever…or rather, he ended up not existing at all! But more on that later.

It felt like an eternity, but the box finally came. Waiting for the tracking was pure torture, but once it came OMG Here’s the mail it never fails~ It makes me wanna wag my tail~ When it comes I wanna wail MAAIIIIIIIIL~~~! Looking through the box was an absolute joy. The smiling picture of Ray in his diary melted my heart, and I put all of the pictures in frames. Though I will say I was disappointed about the lack of Unknown content…it should have been a red flag about his fate in the route. Anyways, I was going to start the game at midnight that night. It was around a twelve hour wait, but it felt so. much. longer!!! I remember I was listening to the soundtrack and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I Am the Strongest hyped me up, I was almost certain that was going to be the song that played when Ray and Unknown fought, but alas… Four Seasons also made me cry. It made me so happy to think that Saeran would get a happy ending with MC T///T I even saw the trigger warning for the route and figured it involved Unknown being kinky and aggressive. Either that or them really delving into Saeran’s childhood abuse… T_T And once again, I was completely wrong.

Speaking of agonizing waits though, playing through those first four days before entering Ray’s route. Torture. Pure torture. I didn’t care about V, or the RFA, I just wanted Ray and Unknown. Once I got to the first new VN, my hands were so shaky and I was tearing up. Ray’s new faces were amazing, though at the time I hadn’t realized that the Ray I knew was about to change…

It was something I hadn’t noticed at first, but Ray’s creepy, possessive side completely vanishes. I get that he would decide not to give MC an elixir, but I still feel like he isn’t going to magically lose all of his creepiness. That was honestly what made him fun, and while I do understand his self-loathing, I do feel like it got repetitive. Chats during that branch started to sound the same, and I found myself getting antsy. I just wanted to spend time with Ray and get to know him more, but at the same time all the foreshadowing with Zen’s Jekyll and Hyde/White or whatever got me super SUPER EXCITED!

From what I understand, Hyde is based off of Jekyll’s darker impulses. He’s violent and sexually aggressive. Because let’s face it, Ray’s darker desires are that he wants to hurt Seven and V, along with making MC his. He’s just not as bold and active about it, but he does send that Prime Minister info to Seven along with the ripped pictures to V. He also does say a lot of creepy things to MC. It’s easy to imagine that Unknown would actually put these desires into action, and he has shown that he’s very capable of that in other routes. The symbolism was perfect for Ray and Unknown! I believe Zen also alluded to Jekyll and Hyde fighting for control, so I also thought that foreshadowed that Ray and Unknown were going to indeed duke it out. Imagine it. Fighting over your safety and wellbeing. One man just wants you happy, while the other wants to selfishly keep you all to himself. I was so pumped. SO PUMPED.

But then tragedy struck.

Thing is, I am a curious kitty. I’m a ho for spoiler, and me being me, I sniffed around and accidentally saw something I shouldn’t have saw. Someone was complaining that “Saeran” was way too mean to the MC. It went on to describe how he called her ugly, and smelly and how he would feed her.

I was crushed.

I was absolutely crushed. The thought of Unknown doing that was devastating. It just so happened that I saw that on the day that the switch happens, so I spent most of that day moping, and then the night dreading it.

Here’s the thing though. When it happened, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but instead baffled me. This man seemed different than Unknown. Not only was he dressed completely different, but his voice seemed a lot more subdued. His laughs were not nearly as loud or high pitched, and even the chatroom… he felt different than the man who said he would come to cabin and drag me back to Mint Eye. His speech bubbles were even a different color. They’re blue in this, but then reddish in V’s route, the Christmas DLC, and the OG Prologue. (Fun fact, but before V’s route, Unknown’s bubbles were purple.) He seemed a lot less threatening, more extra, more insecure, more sane, and because of this, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are different people. Therefore, I’ll call him Suit Saeran. Now I know some people say that Suit Saeran is like the baby version of Unknown, but eh…that doesn’t explain why he’s so more like the OG Unknown in V’s route. I feel like Rika’s treatment of him affects how the new personality will act, and if we get a Rika route, my theory is that “Saeran” will become possessive of her and become your love rival for her.

Now I will say I get it. I get why Suit Saeran acts the way he does. It ties into Ray’s self-loathing, but…I feel like Unknown would have tied into the way Ray acts in V’s route. Why did they change Ray? Why didn’t they go with Unknown instead of Suit Saeran? Did they think Unknown was too violent? Did they think he was unlovable? Or was it that they were punishing Unknown fans for being so thirsty. Everyone in all the other routes cherishes MC for the most part …except in this route.  Suit Saeran and even Rika berate MC, call her useless, and pretty much say she’s better off dead. I personally found it ridiculous to the point of being comedic, but I do know that it deeply upset some people. I do think it went too far. For example, the CGs with Suit Saeran are great, but his dialogue during those scenes just ruins any enjoyment I could get from that.

I was so furious.

Unknown was truly the one thing I had been waiting for, and it felt like a slap in the face.

I will say that Suit Saeran apologizing and then the emergence of GE Saeran made things…kind of better. I was a little upset that Ray and Suit Saeran (And any other personas) seemed to be gone forever though, but GE Saeran was sweet, and after the abuse and agony of Mr. Posh Tie Boy, it was a Godsend. The phonecalls were great, and the chats were great, but that didn’t fix everything. Though looking back, I kind of feel like Ray didn’t really get any development in his own route. Even with the self-loathing plotline, he himself never learns to love himself. The last time you see him, he’s crying and saying how he was never meant to stay around. So he basically just disappears forever. At least Suit Saeran got to learn his mistakes and try to make things right. Idk. It’s just kind of upsetting and strange to me.

Anyways, there were still plenty of sleepless nights where I would just think about how Unknown wasn’t in the route, and how I would never be able to get to him or romance him. To this day, it’s still something that frustrates me to no end, and it’s honestly something that always will. I’ve lost hope that Cheritz will give us any other Unknown content. We haven’t gotten the after ends after all. The daki was nice, but dang…in a way, it’s kind of another slap. They were capable of writing a flirty Unknown. They were capable of writing him fighting Ray for MC’s affection. WHY WAS THIS NOT PUT IN THE ROUTE! THEY MAKE UNKNOWN SO SEDUCTIVE AND PASSIONATE ARGH IT’S WASTED POTENTIAL FSJDLKJLKSDJLFJSDLKfjls

There’s also the fact in the Halloween DLC that Ray compares himself to the Phantom of the Opera…and that dynamic once again fits Unknown more. The only time the Phantom talks mean to Christine is after she pulls off his mask after her first abduction, but it doesn’t last long, and otherwise he’s a lot more seductive and aggressive like…UNKNOWN. Sigh…heavy sigh… I’m a huge phangirl, and honestly I really do feel like the Phantom fits Ray and Unknown perfectly. T_T There’s his sweeter, more childlike, vulnerable angel side, and then his dark, seductive, murderous side. HHHHHHHhhhhhh.

I used to hate Suit Saeran, but now I don’t. I still kind of resent him for taking Unknown’s place, but when I look at him as a separate entity, he’s not so bad. He’s kind of funny, and there’s good fanart of him.

I’m really not sure how I feel about GE Saeran. Back then I had really liked him, but now I wonder if maybe…he had been a little too perfect? And it really bothers me how the other personas are gone. He seems really different from Redhead Saeran too. I get that he escaped from Mint Eye with less trauma and had MC along to help but… JFsldjflsfj idk though. I’ll see how he is in the after end. If we get a dark chocolate Valentine’s day with him unleashing his Unknown side then…I’ll forgive Cheritz…a little…but at this point, I’m not even sure if we’re getting the after ends.

Ultimately, if Unknown had never existed, then I would have liked this route a lot more. The fact that he’s not in it destroys my enjoyment of it.

Ah this is getting long, so I guess all I can do is make Unknown content, and make things the way I wanted them to be. I don’t plan on leaving this fandom any time so soon, so don’t worry about that~ And if you stayed to read this entire rambling rant then you’re so awesome T///T

Edit Feb 13th

So I wrote this a week or so ago and queued this for Feb 14th, and as you can see, I added tags talking about V’s route. I really liked Ray’s villainous side, but now that I’m farther in V’s route, I’ve got so much more to say. For one, my thoughts on Ray still stands, but Unknown. Oh my goodness Unknown.

I was determined to get all of his calls, just figuring that I would I get a fun little flirty time, but I got so much more than that. I can scream to the rooftops that he’s so much more fun and different than Suit Saeran, but he’s also in a lot of pain. It’s something that hadn’t quite sank in the first time around, but he’s happy to have his body back. He’s annoyed at Ray and thinks he’s too soft and an idiot, but a lot less harder on him than Suit Saeran is. 

But there’s a phonecall that really got to me. He doesn’t let you respond at all, but he wants you to listen. It seems like he wants someone to talk to.

You know...I still don’t get who I am.

I’ve been awake for only a few times. And I still don’t get how come I’m awake.

But I know one thing... I’ve been so freaking mad from the beginning.

I want to crush everything I see. I can’t control myself.

I just broke every single flower pot Ray was tending.

I felt a little better after stomping those frail roots.

What am I...?

Why did I wake up so suddenly?

Did I wake up for vengeance?

He then goes on to talk about torturing V, but the way he says this, there’s pain behind his growls and cackles. It hurts my heart. I don’t know...even if Cheritz intended for him and Suit Saeran to be the same person, the pain they go through feels different to me. It just feels like they changed so much about his and Ray’s character when they made Ray’s route.

Who is Unknown?

Who is he really?

Will we ever get to find out...? 

[xiggy-stardust]

I can’t please anyone.

None of my friends follow this tumblr so I’m gonna dump my tea in this harbor

“hahaha nobody follows ur dumblr, xig-” SHUT the FUCK UP, ME. I KNOW thats YOU.

okok so over winter break I went shopping for myself because I didn’t get anything for christmas. I was in hot topic (Fuck you, they have some cool shit) and they had a thing where it was “Buy one hoodie and get another for just 10 bucks” so NATURALLY I made the cashier hold my $70 Twenty One Pilots hoodie while I looked for something cheaper to pay in full so I wouldn’t have to pay 70 bucks for a hoodie. I found this really cool Kingdom Hearts jacket for just 40 bucks.

One of my friends, let’s call them Wendy, LOVES KH to DEATH. I was becoming really good friends with her since I’ve only met her this school year (so I’ve known her since about august) and we became best friends really fast. We have more inside jokes than I can count, which I think is what really makes you best friends. Wendy and I have lunch together like every day after school and we sit and talk for hours about everything or sometimes nothing at all. The point is, we’re close.

I also have another friend, let’s call them Nina. Nina and I have been friends for longer than Wendy and I have been friends, since about sophomore year (and it’s senior year now). And Nina and Wendy have been friends since elementary school. So really, I’m the one late to the party. It was very clear very early on this year that Nina was getting jealous about how close Wendy and I have been getting despite us not knowing each other for very long. This reeked of petty high school drama, and me, being the only person in school not caught up in shit, refused to be dragged into something I had no intention of being a part of.

The thing about Nina though, is that she has hella insecurity issues and I’ve already sent her novels over text trying to convince her that she’s not a piece of shit. She thinks everybody hates her and she (very clearly) baits me and Wendy into pitying her. Every time I talk to her, it’s another thing she thinks everybody’s gonna hate her for. Every time. She never takes responsibility and uses those big puppy eyes to make me say that nothing is ever her fault just so she won’t go home and blow her brains out like I have nightmares of her doing. I’ve talked to her so much about the exact same topic matter that some days when she says “whatever I’m probably just annoying you” I kinda wanna say “yeah you are.” But I know for a fact she’ll go home and probably c*t her wr*sts or something. She never makes any efforts to improve herself. She wallows in her sadness and wants everyone to feel bad for her or wallow with her.

This is where Wendy is a breath of fresh air.

me, Nina, and Wendy are all relentlessly sad for mostly the same reasons, but they both have shitty parents whereas mine are. idek. Divorced but living together like they aren’t, it’s weird. I digress. We all deal with our sadness in different ways. I deal with mine by myself in my own time and only let it out in the form of ironic memes and self deprecating humor. You gotta really dig deep to get to me and I have to trust you a lot to let u know what’s really going on. But for me, you don’t get to know unless you ask. That’s how I avoid bringing down the people around me to awkward situations. Wendy acknowledges whats wrong with her and actively talks to me or other trusted friends to fix what’s wrong. She doesn’t want people to feel bad for her, she wants to be better and she doesn’t stew in her sadness because that’s bad for literally everyone.

Nina is the total opposite. We were just in the middle of UIL rehearsals today and WHILE I was highlighting and trying to memorize my lines, Nina grills me about the jacket I got Wendy for christmas when I didn’t get her anything. Wendy actually warned me she would ask so I gave her one of my printed photos earlier this morning. She said she felt left out, so naturally I lied and said I had it from the start, which I totally didn’t, and the only reason I didn’t give it to her before is because she was literally in another state stuck in a blizzard and when she came back, she was cut from the play we were in and we had to travel to perform the day she got back. So today was the only day I’ve actually seen her. So even if I DID get her something, she wouldn’t get it till today anyway. And I STILL got her something. She still tried to guilt trip me about how she felt “left out” and how she’s “forgotten” like I haven’t talked to her about it more times than I care to think about.

The thing is, Wendy is really easy to shop for. She likes KH, Overwatch, and cute anime things, and every store I shop at has a surplus of one of those things. I had a slight suspicion Nina would get jealous so I tried to find something for her,, but she has zero interests I can shop for. She likes Vinyl records, but no store in the nearest 100 miles sells vinyl. It’s not like she likes comic books or video games or stuffed animals or.. anything. I cannot shop for her. The original Idea was to go thrift shopping just the three of us, and I buy Nina anything she wants because I know she likes thrifted items and we’ve been wanting to go thrifting together for months. BUT Nina was out of the state and her parents wouldn’t tell her how long she’d be there so I couldn’t schedule anything when she got back. The blizzard she was stuck in would have fucked it up anyway but still. The idea is, it would have been impossible to get Nina what she wants. But I don’t think she sees that. She only saw that Wendy got a gift from me and she didn’t. Now might be a good time to point out that Wendy didn’t get anything for christmas because her family considers it a big waste of money (which it is, but Wendy has never experienced a single christmas in her life). So yeah naturally I’d want to get her something. Besides the jacket I got her, the only other thing Wendy got for christmas is a KH Funko pop from another friend. Thats it. So excuse me if I wanted to make this christmas a little bit more happy for her.

Besides the point, but just a side note, I didn’t get anything for christmas either. It’s not like I’m hard to shop for either, I like the same things Wendy likes (minus KH maybe) and I like flannels and beanies A LOT. And they’re stupid easy to find, especially in winter. But all I got was a heartfelt letter from another friend who is too sweet to be in this story. I got a letter and none of my other friends got me anything. Not Nina or Wendy. But I never not once complained about it while I saw all my friends give and give and give to other people. That’s why I went shopping for myself, so I couldn’t possibly want anything that anybody was giving except for love (cliche, barf, ik, whatever).

So yea it just kinda rubbed me the wrong way when Nina complained about not getting anything. EXcuse you. I should really be the one complaining, cuz I’m 40 bucks in the hole on a jacket I’ll never wear and Wendy’s only worn like once since I gave it to her. I didn’t get anything either, I actually lost here. Wendy’s got another jacket she’ll never wear, so that only seems like a plus to me and she didn’t get anybody anything, but only cuz she doesn’t have money and her parents won’t let her get a real job. And you haven’t gained or lost anything. If we really wanna be equal, let’s all get gifts for each other. Unless we all come out down and up 2 gifts, somebody’s got a right to complain, and if we look at who’s lost the most, it looks like it’s me. But I’m not going to because I don’t need a gift to validify my friendships. I gave to a friend who it looked like needed it the most out of pure goodwill. I don’t expect anything in return, and I think there’s a thing on the internet about how if you talk about how charitable you are, your charity is null and void, at least the intent of it is. But I don’t think that counts if the only people I’m talking about can’t read this. Maybe it does, but I gain and lose nothing anyway.

If I gave Nina something or Nina gave me something, Wendy wouldn’t care. If Nina gave Wendy something or Wendy gave Nina something, I wouldn’t care. So I really don’t see the big deal that I gave Wendy something. The only difference I see is that Nina is out of the loop, and she’s the only one who cares if she is.

Idk I could go on forever but I’d just regurgitate the point that Nina, you suck for trying to make me feel bad for doing a nice thing. Please. Fix yourself, because nobody else can.