#anyways i've been freaking out about this all weekend it's incredible?

[radicalshadow]

Journal Entries, Session 6a

08:03 - I’ve been given a scrap notebook and some pencils by my mother, who is alive. See below for a summary of what happened:

After conducting the ritual, I lived through another memory. More vivid than normal. I was fleeing on my Staraptor’s back–Team Galactic was falling. 

Over Route 2117, Mesprit ambushed me. The reason why I fell off of Staraptor that night–the reason why I am so broken is because of it. Mesprit cursed me. 

Mesprit cursed me, and it laughed.

I don’t blame it. Not after what I did to it. It’s a surprise that it was conscious, but its actions were warranted and justified.

I woke up to Rhea shaking me. She explains that I’m compromised. We make a plan to escape, but I realize that my journal and it are both missing. I put my mask back on, and ask Rhea about both items. She states that Harper has the journal, and Recreo’s Sneasel took it. I ask Master Cyrus for his assistance to retrieve the latter; I can replace a journal (as I have just done, thanks to Mother), but it is one-of-a-kind at the moment. He agrees that we shouldn’t leave it behind, and vanishes.

Master Cyrus returns. I leave my room, and meet the child. I manage to convince him to try and get my journal back. I hide in my room for now, however after a few minutes it’s evident that he’s unsuccessful.

I sneak over to the common area, and find Geno, Phoebe, and Hontono’s Mighthyena. I start talking to Geno about my missing journal; I have to speak in code due to Phoebe. Hontono’s Mighthyena leaves. Geno agrees to help me after I mention that it will be good training for him. We both begin to plan. My vision briefly distorts. My mother briefly appears in the back of the room. It appears that Geno and Phoebe have bonded–Phoebe doesn’t even question him when he asks her to hide in the bathroom. Geno asks me and Rhea if we are “villains”, due to my wearing a mask and the ‘G’ emblazoned on Rhea’s chest. I explain my past as Commander Mercury. He claims that I resolved some plot holes?. Regardless, we plan more openly now.

Geno sends out an Electrode to wait at the door to explode when it opens. We head outside. I send out Type: Null; we may have to fight. Geno recognizes it for what it is. He sends out some of his Pokemon, and Rhea sends out some of hers. Master Cyrus returns it to me, and I put it back on my ear. I warn him about Hontono’s Absol, and he backs away to safety. 

Geno freezes the back and emergency exits (I have to inform him of the latter). There’s an explosion–likely the Electrode. I know that I may need to rely on my harsher skillset, and so I choose to warn Geno and Rhea; it won’t do any good if they get rattled by my words. Geno is notably alright with this, bringing up what he had his Sharpedo do on Route 119. I also ask them if they have any revival items, as Grimoraunt had been knocked out when I woke up. Neither of them do.

We head over to the front exit of the RARAT, with Geno taking the lead. Everyone is gathered there. Geno surprises them by talking to Hontono normally, then suddenly commanding his Sharpedo to use Aqua Jet.

I step out to the open, so everyone can see me, and remove my mask. I’ll need my expression for this.

I threaten them. I threaten their safety, I threaten their wellbeing. I describe all the ways I can hurt them without a weapon. I explain that I can tear away everything and everyone they care about.

They get rattled.

It worked.

Hontono gives the group a pep talk. They get a little more moralized, but I can tell that they still dread what I said. I’ve made myself a monster in their eyes as well. Let them think that. It’s necessary.

Geno does not give them any more chances to recover, commanding his Ninetales to use Blizzard. A sizable number of the Pokemon fall, including Harper’s Blaziken. However, N steps forward, and proclaims that due to my words and actions I must be taken care of. He sends out his dragon–a Pokemon known as Reshiram–and commands it to use a move called Blue Flare.

Everything goes black. I’ve been hit, clearly.

I vaguely remember the sensation of the wind flowing around me as I fly on a Pokemon. In the distance, there’s the sound of a jet.

Eventually, I wake up.

I don’t know where I am, but it’s inside some sort of building. I’m on a cot. My Eevee is staring at me. He looks concerned. There are people talking outside, but I can’t make out what they say.

I don’t have time to focus on that, anyways.

Mother is here. Mother isn’t glitching anymore.

She’s sitting. Staring at me.

She apologizes to me: she had to flee Sinnoh.

Mother isn’t dead. Her name is Vespera.

We have the chance to talk. I start with orienting myself: she explains that we’re in Fallarbor Town. Apparently, she is traveling with Team Aqua, and this town is a common stopping point for them. It’s been twelve hours since I was hit by the Blue Flare.

I ask Mother if she had sought me out, but she states this was simply one of the times that Team Aqua was visiting the town–it was simply a coincidence. I’m not surprised. I express this; if she knows who I am, then it’s best to learn her motivations. Mother clarifies to me that she had been told not to see me by a man named Devoraba Cassius. The last name is familiar–it’s that of the family who used to live in the Old Chateau. Regardless, he had known that I was undercover.

Mother describes him as a “complicated, but generally good man” who is helping everyone –including her– with various problems. She goes on to explain what her problem is: Mother is cursed by Azelf. She is incapable of leaving an impact on the world. This includes minor things, like an inability to leave footprints or be seen by everyone, but also a more drastic measure: if Mother manages to affect the world, she gets shunted forwards in time. From her perspective, she has only been cursed for around six years. However, chronologically she is from the era when Sinnoh had been renamed to Sinnoh.

I connect that my birth must have triggered the latter effect of her curse. My prior treatment from Father is something that Mother claims she blames herself for. However, she did not anticipate how he had acted.

I make a decision: if Mother feels guilty for how my childhood turned out, then she may be made an ally. I still have my doubts about her sincerity, but considering the previous day’s developments I will need as much assistance as I can get. I have to endear myself to her, so I attempt to assure her that it isn't her fault. She herself claimed that she didn’t know that Father would treat me the way he did, after all, and she continuously emphasizes that she dislikes his actions towards me.

She’s quick to change the topic of conversation to Master Cyrus. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had used the topic of Father as a segway to start discussing him. Mother stresses her disapproval of Master Cyrus, and explains that his family has always been one that is cold and logic-focused. According to her, each generation gets more extreme.

Let him be cold and logic-focused. It’s the correct outlook on life.

Mother explains to me that we need all three aspects: knowledge, emotion, and willpower. Without one, humanity falls.

It’s nonsense.

Regardless, we’re silent for a few moments. Eventually, Mother breaks it, by mentioning that she was trying to watch me throughout my life. She knows what I was like as Commander Mercury, and what I’m like now. However, she’s confused as to how I changed. She didn’t know where I was these past five years, since I went into hiding.

I explain what Mesprit did to me.

Mother is silent as she absorbs this. 

Then she diverts the conversation. I would have done the same, frankly. It’s shameful thatShe brings the conversation back to Master Cyrus. She seems insistent to discuss him.

Regardless, Mother mentions that she’s upset that Master Cyrus raised me. She recognizes that I always had emotions (this is nonsense. I was complete, strong. Mesprit destroyed that), but Master Cyrus forced me to bury them deep down. She theorizes that all Mesprit did was resurface them.

She’s incorrect. Mesprit simply infected me.

Mother mentions that she’s… proud of me. She’s proud of my strength.

I’m not strong.

Not anymore.

I try to divert the conversation–I need to learn more about Mother, not the other way around. I mention that Father remarried, which she seems to accept. However, she does not let up talking about my situation.

Mother tells me that she wants to make sure that “this story has a good ending”. She understands that people want me dead, and so she wants to protect me. My initial thought is that this is prompted by her alleged guilt. I can’t see why she would feel so strongly for my safety otherwise; her protecting me puts her at risk.

Mother seems to notice me mulling this over. I’ll copy her response verbatim: “I don’t care that you’ve committed crimes against humanity. You’re my daughter.”

She either is trying to make me trust her, or is truly, sincerely guilty. I try to gauge which it is by warning her about the four legendary dragons that my new adversaries have, and that there is no doubt that Professor Rowan will be warned soon, if he hasn't already. Of course, this then means that Champion Cynthia will be alerted of my presence in Hoenn.

Mother does not seem perturbed, and instead mentions that she may be able to help; she knows the Champion’s grandmother. I’m unsure as to how this would help, but any potential angle of approach is worthy to explore.

Mother then mentions Master Cyrus again. More aptly, she brings up the fact that Master Cyrus is still accompanying me. I ask her how she knows: apparently, Devoraba is able to see him. At my inquiry, Mother provides a description, and I connect that Devoraba is the true name of Zagreus.

Mother then goes on to describe the Celestica people. She is one of them herself, describing herself to be as “pureblood Celestica as it gets”. Thus, I am half-Celestica. According to Mother, the Celestica are “the blessed people of Arceus”, with some being able to bond with legends. This has historically caused discrimination, leading to Devoraba’s goal: he wishes to protect the Celestica people, and is one of the bonded Celesticas. According to Mother, many of the ones who have gathered here are like him. 

The Celestica’s history included tragedies such as culling. Mother explains that this is why she was cursed; she is responsible for a small one.

Normally, the power to bond with the legendaries is more evenly split amongst the Celestica. However, as the generations grew smaller, this got less distributed. Thus, there are cases where a single person is able to forge a bond with a legendary Pokemon that is far stronger than even that of a trainer’s. Devoraba is one of these–namely, he is physically fused with Darkrai. Mother also states that he wants something from me, although she assures me that I would get something out of the exchange as well. I’m unsure what he would have to offer, but it couldn’t hurt to find out.

Our conversation moves on to the remnant of Team Galactic. Mother has met them in Dewford, apparently. Jupiter –who is going by Amelia, her real name– knows that she’s my mother. She… punched Mother because of this. I would have expected that from Cassidy, not Amelia. I even voice this surprise, which prompts Mother to admit that only Amelia knows of our relationship. She also states that Cassidy guards the outskirts of Dewford Town and trains a lot, however the training isn’t efficient. I can’t imagine she changed much, if at all, then, just as Devoraba mentioned back on Mt. Pyre. Mother also tells me that Roman is “nice now”, as his ego has been managed. I’ll believe when I see it.

We’re silent for a few moments again, but there’s a question that had been plaguing since we started talking. We fought in a tournament in Hearthome back when I was still a trainer. We were the finalists. Mother swept my team. I ask her why she battled me in the first place. She states that she didn’t recognize me, and that she needed the money to leave Sinnoh. I probably should have pressed as to why, but I had to focus on assuring her that she shouldn’t feel guilty for needing money herself.

Mother brings up something else, eventually: the reason why I look nothing like, and so much like Father. She theorizes it’s due to her curse. She can’t leave a lasting impression on the world, and that includes her own daughter’s appearance. It makes sense.

The conversation goes back to the discussion of curses from the Lake Guardians. Mother considers our shared situation ironic, and brings up that she’s lucky that she didn’t get cursed by Uxie. She can’t imagine how it would feel to have her personality effectively wiped due to losing her memories. I bring up that I know someone who suffered this fate, and mention Recreo.

Mother recognizes his name, and… panics. She sends out a Xatu from a unique-looking poke ball. Check the addendum for a description of this. She states that the Pokemon keeps her safe–it ensures that she won’t do anything that causes her to jump forward.

She initially struggles to figure out how to safely tell me about this. I encourage her to speak in code. If it’s important, it would be best to know.

She mentions that there may be someone behind the scenes. That Recreo’s existence implies something that, according to her, isn’t good.

At my inquiry, she states that Devoraba wouldn’t know about this.

Apparently, there is a man in Sinnoh. One who favored Recreo’s name. Mother met him once, and hated the interaction. She can’t say his name, but she does mention that there is a poem. One Recreo may know, but it isn’t as old as his normal interests: “There is a follower of the Renegade who wanders this world eternal, seeking his final damnation”.

Regardless, she determines that Recreo isn’t Cynthia’s cousin.

I would prefer to continue this line of conversation, but it seems like Mother can’t risk it, so I don’t. We’re silent for a little bit more again. I turn my attention to my Eevee, and ask her why he’s out of his poke ball. Mother states that he was trying to get out on his own, and so she helped him. She states that he was worried about me.

He shouldn’t be.

He also shouldn’t be out of his ball due to his still healing injury, and I tell Mother as much. However, she tells me to give him some slack. Encourages me to bond with my Eevee. She wants me to have a second chance at being a trainer.

It’s useless. That bridge is burnt.

I decide to ask Mother why I couldn’t see her during my time in Team Galactic, as she seemingly was still following me then. She believes it to be because of the lack of emotion there. 

It’s something to mull over another time. I ask her if she was on the RARAT yesterday, and she admits that she briefly teleported over to see me before fleeing again. I don’t understand her reason for this, but it’s not something I have time to dwell on, as she asks me what happened on the RARAT yesterday.

I start from the beginning of the situation: we were helping Regulus beneath Mt. Pyre. The mention of her name panics Mother, especially after I mention that Regulus got the Azure Flute and played it. She contacts someone on a pager, out of every possible method of commu. I continue my story, and mention Amaria. Mother recognizes the name, and states that she is one of the Five Sacred Swords of Johto. Considering the woman’s skill with the weapon and immortality, I suppose it fits.I then mention Grimoraunt, and the book that it’s possessing. Mother is relieved that I have it, as it’s part of a set of three: the Grimoires of Platinum, Diamond, and Pearl. Devoraba has the other two.

I continue my story after Mother assures me that I don’t need to give him my Pokemon. I wasn’t planning on it; I need as many battle-ready Pokemon as I can now that there are at least three skilled trainers in this region that are after me. 

I mention the ritual that I conducted. Mother gets concerned, and tells me how dangerous it is to use the magic in that book. I’ll keep it in mind; no need to take any unnecessary risks. I promise Mother as much as well.

After another minute or so of silence, I ask Mother why I can see Master Cyrus. I understand that mediums aren’t uncommon, and I had simply assumed that I was a weak one. However, Mother isn’t dead, so it seems unlikely that I was born with the ability. Mother has two theories:

It is simply because I am one of the ones closest to Master Cyrus. 

I am bonded to Mesprit due to my Celestica heritage.

The first one seems the most likely. I am Master Cyrus’ protege, and he practically raised me. However, it would be irresponsible of me to immediately write off the latter option; I have to prove that it is the case.

I ask Mother how people know if they’re tied to a legendary. She states that there are signs: inborn talents and abilities. Those with particularly strong signs were traditionally sent on journeys, but Devoraba now has machines that can determine someone’s aptitude.

I decide to ask Mother if she is tied to any legendary Pokemon. She is: Kyogre.

Mother realizes that I can mask emotions, and that Mesprit has taken a personal interest in me. She seems to be connecting something, but whatever it is feels like a stretch. I simply had to put on a brave face as a child, and practiced being able to act as part of my research in Team Galactic. Plus, Mesprit’s personal interest seems more like a personal vendetta. Along with Master Cyrus, and a few other scientists, I was personally responsible for creating the Red Chain. Mother likely was there to witness it; I don’t need to describe just why it would be furious at me.

This prompts her to bring up a possible solution to my curse: return it to Mesprit and beg for forgiveness. It’s not worth entertaining. Not only would it potentially not work, but it would require me returning to Sinnoh. Furthermore, it is still a useful asset and my last physical tie to Ma.

I voice that it would be dangerous for me to go to the Sinnoh Region, which Mother seems to accept. She mentions that someone she knows would like to return to the Sinnoh Region, but can’t: Devoraba’s little sister, Lucy. She apparently would like to see the snow again. I mention Mt. Chimney, and Mother states that she had brought that up as well. According to Lucy, it isn’t the same. Children can be so picky sometimes.

Mother appears to like Lucy, notably. She also claims that Devoraba is a good older brother.

Our conversation transitions over to Master Cyrus again. Mother claims that Master Cyrus is a hypocrite for feeling emotion. How can he have the goal of removing spirit from the world if it’s derived from his hatred of it? This isn’t hypocritical. Of course he’d dislike all the pain and hatred and strife that emotions bring. Anyone would. Anyone sane and reasonable, at least. Regardless, not only does she state that she can somehow make him cry (I have my doubts. I’ve never seen it happen), but she also claims that I would not have been so driven to work towards working for Team Galactic had it not been for the emotion driving his dream. According to Mother, every goal is dictated by emotion. It’s nonsense.

It’s now that I finally realize that Master Cyrus isn’t here. I try to look for him the best I can considering my injuries, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

Mesprit’s curse reacts again.

Mother…

Hugs me.

My skin doesn’t crawl.

Mother leaves to get water after I stop making a fool of myself. She also recalls me mentioning my journal, and promises to look for something to write on. I use the time to check on my Eevee. It’s still unpleasant to engage in physical contact, but it isn’t as bad as it could be. Perhaps the ritual did work a little.

She returns eventually, with a bottle of water that she chilled, some pencils, and the notepad that I am now writing in.

Thus ends the summary. My coat is gray now, and I’m not wearing gloves.

08:10 - Mother is watching me and smiling. I ask her if she needs something, and she simply claims that she is happy to see me with clear eyes. Apparently, it was a blur when she would follow me throughout Team Galactic. Coat gray. Hands ungloved.

08:15 - Mother comments on the state of my body. Namely, she offers to hide what the Blue Flare did to me the best she could with the help of her Lapras. I deny the offer; the scarring should help hide my identity more. It should be useful, even in this region. I then bring up the Lapras, which is a very rare Pokemon. She states it was her first one, and that she is the only holder of a Laprasite that she knows of. I express surprise at the fact that Lapras can Mega Evolve; apparently, all fully evolved Pokemon are capable of the phenomenon. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

08:20 - Mother asks if I brush my hair. I respond in the negative; all I do is comb my fingers through it to prevent knots. She asks me if she can brush it. I don’t understand the purpose of this. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

08:25 - I bring up my half-brothers after the conversation goes back to the Silene family, and mention the age difference between us. Mother seems saddened by this, and offers me a ring–see addendum for description. I realize it's her wedding ring. She claims that it’s an heirloom from Father’s side; it can be traced back to Mollisima, of the Pearl Clan. She asks if I know of this history, and I state that I don’t; Father never taught me anything more than the very bare minimum. Mother mentions that if I want to, I can ask an expert in Rustboro. It seems unnecessary. I tell her she should keep the ring; I have no ties to my family aside from my name. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

08:30 - Our conversation goes to the Commanders. I tell Mother my base thoughts on the three of them, omitting Charon. He was barely a CommanMother is prompted to tell me that Amelia is Master Cyrus’ second cousin; her full name is Amelia Constancy. In retrospect, it does make some sense. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

08:33 - Mother states that she is glad that I grew into an intelligent woman with genuine skills, but not how I used those skills. I only did what I thought necessary for the greater good. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

08:40 - We discuss our method of transportation. Mother asks me if I get seasick, as we will be traveling by boat. I confirm that I do not. She informs me of Team Aqua’s culture. Based on her descriptions, they seem loud and infantile. She promises me that her own ship is much quieter, and I can stay on it if I would prefer. I will keep this in mind. She also says that she is excited to get to know me. She clearly already knows me plenty, however; especially if she has been following me for most of my life. I do not understand the purpCoat gray, hands ungloved.

08:50 - Devoraba teleports into the room that we are in; based on his proceeding interaction with Mother, I assume this is who she contacted on her pager. I greet him by his real name, and he tells me that I should call him Zagreus when we are among Team Grimoire. I do not fully understand his reasoning behind this alias, but at least I now know who he is obscuring his true name from. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:00 - Mother tells Devoraba what worried her: a follower of the Renegade has some sort of plan in Snowpoint City. She’s struggling to safely explain this, so I jump in and explain that Recreo may have something to do with Snowpoint Temple. Aside from Lake Acuity, it is the only true landmark of mythical note. Devoraba appears concerned by this, and he and Mother discuss the possibility that Recreo is someone’s son. I request clarification, which Devoraba gives: there is an immortal Celestica by the name of Volo who has attempted to become a god in the past. The concern these two share is warranted. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:15 - I confirm with Devoraba that my cover has been blown, and he promises to try and smooth things over with the Ruby Expedition Squad. I don’t blame them if they are too hateful of me, but the possibility of lowering the number of people who wish to have me arrested or dead by at least three is not something I will reject. I also mention my journal, and he states that he will try to get it back as well. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:20 - The conversation returns to Volo. Devoraba and Mother are both worried about him tampering with Regigigas’ seal. I remember that Father is a member of the Templesguard, or at least was. I don’t keep tabs on my family, so he may have retired. Regardless, he could have some sway no matter what, so I ask Mother if it would be useful to warn him. She denies this; Volo is apparently too powerful. Devoraba states that he is a manipulative, psychopathic man–even more so than when my research in Team Galactic was operating at its maximum efficiency. I inform them that at least knowing that someone is manipulative makes it easier to deal with them; consciously or not, our guards go up. This seems to comfort both of them a little. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:30 - I ask what Volo looks like, and Devoraba provides a brief description. See the addendum, but most notably he has Arceus’ hair. Devoraba claims it to be worse than Roman’s bun..? He must have changed his hairstyCoat gray, hands ungloved.

09:33 - Devoraba mentions that Regulus’ presence in Hoenn can be useful in preventing Volo’s plans from coming to fruition. I explain that she had gotten the Azure Flute, but he does not seem worried like Mother had. He claims that this is a good thing; it means that Volo has to fight something that stands between him and godhood. I mention that Regulus is dangerous, and Devoraba states that her selfishness makes it easy to control her. This could be a threat still, especially if Volo recognizes that very flaw in her. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:40 - Devoraba promises to Mother that he will ensure that Snowpoint is scouted and monitored, and then leaves. Mother and I briefly discuss the conversation, and Devoraba himself. She claims that he is stretching himself too thin. I gathered as much based on her description of him previously and his demeanor. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:45 - We are silent for a few moments, but Mother eventually speaks up. She mentions a coincidence that she finds humorous: she was a doctor, and I turned out the way I did. I suppose there is an ironic coincidence there.I mention that I have only done what I thought would help people. Mother appears to not only accept this mindset, but be relieved by it. Was she worried that I was a sadist?I thank her for healing me; regardless of the guilt she claims to have, she had no need to do such a thing. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:50 - We discuss Team Grimoire. Mother brings up the topic of Amelia again, and states that she cares for me. Of course Amelia does; she has use for me. Mother claims that I am incorrect, and her reasoning is far simpler–that she sees me as a sister. Her evidence for this is when Amelia first cut my hair. I remember the day; she had taken care to remove all of the mats while still ensuring it was properly styled. Her argument is meaningless; Amelia did not shave my head due to the ability to avoid the cost of a wig. We don’t have a bond–our relationship is that of coworkers at best, and lieutenant and subordinate at worst. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

09:57 - Mother asks if I would like her to heal the scars on my face. They must be gruesome enough to warrant this question, along with her point that I should be allowed to feel comfortable with my appearance. If they are extensive, then it may be useful in concealing my identity. I refuse her offer. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:00 - Mother asks if I am alright to go. I confirm that I am, and stand. She warns me to take it easy, as my joints are still healing, and I promise her that I will. This hasn’t been the first time that I’ve suffered severe burns. We leave the house, with Mother leading the way. I return my Eevee to his poke ball before I go, and Mother asks if he has a nickname. I mention that Harper gave him one, but I don’t see the point in using it. I’m not putting up any sort of act that would require it right now. See addendum for description of the town. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:03 - As we walk, Mother mentions the possibility of teaching Return to my Eevee. She claims that it’s a powerful move, so it could be useful. I first point out that it’s a ™ move, but Mother informs me that Team Grimiore has TMs. I follow up my argument with the fact that I have no reason to forge the sort of bond that Return requires to be effective. Mother has nothing to say about this. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:10 - We’ve reached the dock–see addendum for description. There’s a man standing on it (see addendum for description). Mother talks to him, and he questions if she’s done caring for the “gruesome burn victim”. This is obviously me. Mother takes offense?, assumedly due to it being an insult to her healing ability. Regardless, I introduce myself to the man, and learn that his name is Archie–the former leader of Team Aqua. His response to me calling myself ‘Vivian’ is thus: “that’s a name”. It indeed is a name. He seems to be a simple man. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:20 - Mother tells him to set sail for Dewford Town, with a potential stop in Rustboro City. Archie expresses disappointment in this, as she never lets him “do anything fun”. Mother points out that his idea of fun is dangerous, and Archie argues that it would be a “big macho moment”. He apparently wants to punch Groudon. I fail to see the feasibility of this plan. Mother explains that Groudon would be on the land, which Archie proceeds to claim is his mortal enemy. This is noted, in case he is ever made an adversary. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:25 - Mother informs Archie that I am her daughter. Archie does not seem to be able to understand the possibility of this, and instead heads onto his ship. Mother leads me aboard hers–see addendum for description. I offer to help her, even if I do not know how to sail, but she tells me I should prioritize resting and healing. I’ll find another way to make myself useful. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:35 - Mother starts ordering her crew. They all appear to respect her. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:40 - Type: Null is missing from their poke ball. I have to find Geno. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:43 - Geno is below deck, talking to some of the pirates. I wait for him to be done, and then ask him where my Pokemon is. He states that he weaponized the fact that the RKS System makes Type: Null insane, as Hontono’s Latios had Mega Evolved to chase us and there was still the Reshiram. He seems genuinely guilty about leaving my Pokemon behind, and comes up with a convoluted plan to get them back. I point out that I can just send someone in to retrieve them; we’re headed to the remnants of Team Galactic. He doesn’t argue. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

10:50 - Geno asks me what I know about Paldea and Galar, and so I describe my understanding of their traditions (which he calls “gimmicks”) and events. He then manages to locate a Good Rod (he rejects an offered Old Rod), and states that he will be doing some fishing while we are here. He even offers to catch me a Pokemon, seeing as he abandoned mine. I’ll have to consider it. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

11:00 - I bring up the fact that Geno appears to view this all as a game, and specifically mention what he did at Route 119. The point I make for him is that it’s inefficient to kill off the local wild population; it means you can’t go back and train against them later. He seems to accept this. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

11:04 - At my request, Geno starts describing what he noticed about this world in relation to the gamified versions that he played. He’s offered to teach me what he knows, and begins with something he calls “load zones”. See addendum for his explanation, but he’s used them to catch a Feebas. His knowledge could be useful. It’s good that he’s here, and not with the Expedition Squad. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

11:08 - Geno continues by describing the uses of fighting certain Pokemon. For example, defeating Spinda can make a Pokemon’s special attacks stronger. He mentions his frustration with getting Ice Types to be lethal, however. I offer to assist him with that issue; there’s no use in holding back when doing so would only be damaging to our progress. He accepts. Coat gray, hands ungloved.11:16 - We start discussing my near-death experience with Reshiram’s Blue Flare. Coat gray, hands ungloved.

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's september 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read (or didn't read...) this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist:

Summer Reading by Jenn McKinlay(18+!)

• review: this was a solid read. nothing incredible, but definitely better than some of the other crap i've read this year lol. i enjoyed the dynamic between the fmc - a dyslexic chef named sam - and the mmc - a librarian named ben - and the interesting relationship between someone who hates to read and someone who's life revolves around books. honestly i was really interested to see how this played out between the two of them, but like one week into them fooling around he begins to read a book aloud to her and the conflict is magically solved. sam just loves audiobooks now and i wish the author had done more with that. both sam and ben have goals they're striving to reach and i love that ben is able to see his through to the end, but the reader is kind of left wondering about sam's and i would have loved for that threat to have been tied up, but overall this was a cute read. my only real issue with this story was the quality of writing. there were some parts that were super cringe and were clearly written by a millennial emulating the 'how do you do fellow kids' meme that i could've gone without... anyway. i really enjoyed the relationship exploration between sam and her budding teenager brother. after not being in each others lives for a bit, i thought their bonding over the summer was adorable :) would've loved to read a book just about them tbh. neither of the main characters were the kinds of characters to write home about, but overall i did enjoy the progression of their relationship. just kind of a middle-ground novel.

• rating: 3/5 seasons of the bear that taught me all i know about cooking

fic list:

assorted works of @ceruleanmusings <3

look around your world, pretty baby

Blood Diamond; Year Four

i could always write literal essays on your work i swear to god but these two works this month really got to me as per usual. the first mickames one shot for james canon bday was so freaking adorable. i had literal butterflies in my stomach like i was there on the date with them... despite the urgency of the time crunch, which you did exellent in making it seem like it was somehow slow and fast at the same time, god i read this like three times over. mickey and james are just my favorite ;-;!! and blood diamond always hitting in the feels of course... this one in particular really got to me though. the combination of brooke's annoyance with james the last few chapters really came to a head here at the hair salon. he's just a kiddo!! let him play in peace!! and then her figuring out a way to potentially exploit his singing talent... i'll wring her neck i swear. as always tysm for sharing and tagging me in your works 😭 i could read them forever and ever and ever <3

2. assorted works of @partiallypearl/ @praetoravila <3

it's nowhere close to closing time

all over again

be my weekend lover (but don't be my friend)

can i have this dance?

lolive kissssss

you got me paralyzed

you know all my deep dish

this is such a STACKED LINE UP AUGH!! from the beginning with it's nowhere close to closing time... kogan... save me.... i love the first chapter introduction to both the characters and the setting. it's been so exciting theorizing how the story will play out from here and i can't wait to read more!! and of course... all over again with olive my beloved... i just can't get enough of logan and olive and their fucked up little relationship. jo's party chapter literally had me shitting my pants ngl and you already know im thinking of lolive on a daily basis. they're my roman empire i stg... the other three lolive on shots had me by the neck too - from the conversation with kendall 👀 to the quinceañera chapter to their KISS augh im too obsessed for my own good... and saylors introduction one shot!!! ahh!!!! you always have such interesting and well-rounded ocs i'm so jealous!!! i can't wait to learn more about saylor and their relationship with both kendall and lucy :)) macie's story too... she and katie are so adorable. i love the dynamic you've set up between the two of them as they both navigate hollywood!! obsessed as always. im up in your dms literally every single day gushing and i wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!! <3

3. assorted works of @selangkir <3

mrs. knight one shot

girl time rush (anniversary reread🙏)

iconic work as ALWAYS!!!!!! i truly think your character interptetations of btr/side characters/ocs are so unique and bring such a fresh perspective to the story! the mrs. knight one shot, on top of being hilarious, began to expand on her pretty one dimensional characterization in such a short story and it blew me away. unmatched creativity!! lord knows she needed the j anyway if im being COMPLETELY honest. and i cannot believe gtr turned one year old this month what the fuck!! what the actual fuck!! i swear i've read all three chapters about a bazillion times. ty for being so accepting of roxy and using her as a vessel to tell your story too <3 i'd be lying if i said i wasn't so inspired by sabrina carpenter rn i already have another chapter draft of my own cooking in the google docs..... <33

4. assorted works of @inkameswetrust <3

the windowsill pt. 4

the windowsill pt. 5

oh LORD such incredible updates to this sweet story. these chapters always pack such a punch! i expect nothing less from kames fan #1... im obsessed with the continued relationship between katie and kendall in pt 4. btrtv lacks so heavy on their sibling-ness so i always love seeing it expanded on in fic! and JAMES AND KENDALL GOING OFFICIAL AOAJFOBOBGA i had knots in my stomach! you've also so clearly set up stakes and kendall's future fears it's so genuine and just real it hits so hard. pt 5 with brooke had me almost throwing my phone at the wall if im being honest. the way she spoke to kendall was bonechilling and i'm nervous yet excited for their future together <3 never stop kamesing the world needs it so so sos sooo bad !!!

5. assorted works of @naquey / @ithinkyouhealedmyheart

ghostwriter chapter 1

ghostwriter chapter 2

hi <3 welcome to the reading round up! i love your story sm i'm so grateful to be here for the very beginning of kenonnie and their sweet relationship. ronnie is such a cool character! there is so much depth and dimension to them and i love that every single chapter we learn something new about her!! from her relationship with addy and callie (who i also ADORE and can't wait to learn more about) to his struggles with his father's health... god... the amount of thought you put in is clear and i'm just astounded! the second chapter was also super cool too; i love how you took existing characters and tweaked their relationship so we could learn more about how you view the two of them. i'd never thought to write something with just kelly and rebecca - it's so inventive, just like the (spoliers lol) other chapters you've published since <3 tysm for sharing your writing with us, i'm so excited to see ronnie's journey progress!!!

[compassionatereminders]

Lord. Today has been such a day. I hope it's ok to just rant about it here, if not obviously feel free to delete!!

Got woken up at 1am because my mom needed to go to the ER for excruciating pain. So we load up and I take her. It takes an HOUR for them to even pay her any mind- and it's not because it was busy. We live in a small town, and there was literally nobody there waiting to be seen. We think they were ignoring her because she looked like she was having drug withdrawals (shaking, pale, she couldn't stop moving/fidgeting). They only came out to see her when I brought my little brother in, and they realized that she wasn't just there to try and get meds from the hospital (this is all speculation ofc, but I really can't imagine any other reason that 'nobody saw her'). I'm still so mad because she sat there for so long, crying in pain (my mom NEVER cries, so that's how I could tell it was really bad) and nobody even bothered to check on her for over an hour. It took another hour for her to get any pain relief and while the nurses were all really nice, I'm still incredibly upset that she had to endure it for so long.

Anyways. Mom's going to be fine, she's getting flown to a better hospital a couple hours away to get the problem dealt with. That's all good. I'm staying home with my brother, and my aunt is going to pick her up later today (hopefully; it might take a few more days). The only issue is that I'll need to meet with my little brothers father (not my dad) to drop him off for the weekend, and I hate the guy, but I can easily ignore him so it's fine.

I think it's the stress of coordinating 4 different people's schedules that put me so on edge (my aunt needs to know when my mom is leaving, my sister is coming 1400 miles to Nevada from Texas, my little brother needs to do his homework/get ready to go/be dropped off). Family keeps calling me because I'm the one who lives with my mom, but I don't have any updates, because I'm home looking after my brother. I feel terrible that I can't tell them anything else, but it's still frustrating when I'm trying to get the house cleaned up, take care of a worried 7-year-old, and answer calls just to repeat the same thing.

The final straw though was one of my cats. When my brother and I finally got home around 8am, we were having breakfast. I look over, and my cat is peeing on my moms lunchbox. I freaked out, because that's disgusting, and he had NO reason to do that- their box is perfectly clean, he's not a serial pee monster, he's never been in competition with the other cats. I don't understand why today, of all days, he would choose to make a mess.

I've spent the past hour and a half trying to clean it by hand because I can't just throw it in the washing machine (it has a cloth outside, but its not removable). He ALSO managed to pee on my brother's homework tower (a short, plastic 'filing cabinet' with drawers we keep his stuff in), and of course, it got inside some of the drawers. Luckily the only stuff I had to throw away was some construction paper and white printer paper, and the rest was untouched, but I still had to clean up a MASSIVE puddle of cat pee on the floor, and empty + wipe out four of the drawers.

So. Anyways. I'm not feeling solution-oriented right now, I'm just really angry that this is all happening at once and there's not really anything within my control besides making sure my brother keeps to his schedule. At least he's not too worried, but I've kind of been avoiding talking to him at the moment because I feel like I might snap at him when it's not his fault at all. I'm also avoiding the cat because, while I would never hurt an animal for doing something dumb, I'm still so mad about it. I'd much rather he'd have peed on something of mine.

Now I just feel super on edge, and I keep waiting for ANOTHER bad thing to happen, because at this point it just feels like the universe is out for blood. It's not even noon yet. It's barely 10am

I'm so sorry about all of this. Anti addict ableism is completely unacceptable and literally kills people. It's not like an addict can't ALSO be in excruciating pain/genuinely need urgent care. I'm glad your mom will be okay, but it makes me furious that she was neglected for hours because of prejudices against a potential addiction. And I completely understand that you're not in a good place right now. I'm sorry about the pee situation also, though it's important for me to note that the cat didn't CHOOSE to "make a mess" just to bother you - either he was a bit ill or it was simply an unfortunate accident.

[arielhopepeace]

Sorry this part took a bit! Been getting ready to move and now I’m sick lol 😭 but enjoy and check part 1 for more extensive TWs, please ❤️

TW: smut, dirty talk, talk of sexual trauma

18+ only

5,400 words

Part two

My leg bounces about anxiously beneath my desk, constantly checking and re-checking the clock in the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen. It's nearly five, and I'm more than ready to go home and enjoy my weekend. But as every day passes, I become more apprehensive about my date with Joel tomorrow.

Of course he was wonderful, kind, a damn good kisser, and hot beyond belief, but I'm still terrified. Without any sedative-like influence from the alcohol, I'm back to the withered shell of a woman I was when Joel walked into my office.

I can't believe I was fully prepared to sleep with him the other night. I had convinced myself that I was safe enough to do something like that with him, and I'm glad I didn't. What if I kiss Joel again and I panic? Or what if we're ever intimate and I panic? What will he do? Laugh in my face and continue anyway?

No, not Joel. He's too sweet for that, right?

Obviously my libido is calling the shots rather than my rational anxiety. It's been eight years since I've slept with anyone, and I'm jumping into this way too quickly for my liking. Am I crazy? Next time I'm with him, I'm not drinking any alcohol. I need to be myself and not a sedated, sex obsessed freak.

My eyes flutter closed, my lashes dancing against my cheeks as I recall Joel's hands on my body, and his soft, skilled lips against mine. Of course he was eager, he's a man. Is that why he fixed my washer? To get laid?

Part of me is tempted to go off on him for being such a disgusting pervert, but he hasn't done anything to me. My mind is fabricating all of these scenarios and reasons for his kindness when even I know it's probably out of character for Joel.

He's a single dad who lost his wife nine years ago, and who's devoted to his daughter who he's crazy about. Joel seems to be an incredible father. There's no way a man like that would ever try to hurt me, is there?

"Y/n?" I hear from my open office door.

"Yes?" My eyes snap up to see Cynthia, my secretary.

She smiles wide at me. "Are you done for the day?"

I gaze down to see that it's ten after five, meaning I've been sitting here spiraling over Joel for almost twenty minutes.

"Yes," I sigh with a smile. "More than done. I'm ready for the weekend."

Cynthia walks beside me as we leave the building, our cars being parked next to each other's outside.

"You have any exciting plans?" she asks with a large grin.

I decide to not tell her about Joel. "Nah, just me and my wine. You?"

"Ex-husband has the kids this weekend, so I'm probably going to be doing the same as you," she giggles. "Get home safely, y/n, okay?"

"Thanks, Cynthia. You too."

  When I get home, I see a lovely bouquet of flowers sitting on my doorstep along with a note. I beam as I unlock my front door, placing the flowers on the kitchen counter and fishing the little card out of the leaves.

Y/n

I'm excited for tomorrow night. I hope you enjoy these flowers as much as I enjoy your company.

Joel

My face aches as I hold the card to my chest, feeling like I'm in a movie or something. I read the note several times, my mouth curling up wider and wider every time. Who knew my cheeks could stretch this far?

I carry the flowers into my bedroom, setting them on the nightstand beside my bed with the card leaning against the pretty blue vase.

I immediately press on Joel's contact, hoping that he's done working for the day. With every ring of the line, my apprehension climbs, until I hear that low, inviting burr of Joel's voice.

"Hey, you," he says sweetly. "I'm assuming you got my gift."

My cheeks burn as I beam at the floor. "I did. Thank you. You didn't have to get me anything, you know."

Joel chuckles lightly. "I wanted to."

The line goes quiet for a moment before Joel speaks again.

"Can I be honest with you?" he asks.

My heart jumps into my throat. "Of course."

"I haven't stopped thinking about you, y/n."

"Same here, honestly," I laugh sheepishly. "I feel like I'm going crazy."

He laughs, the sound warming my chest. "You know, I haven't been on many dates since my wife passed. Maybe only two."

My brows raise in surprise. "Really? How come?"

"Never felt right."

I chew on my bottom lip nervously. "But it does with me?"

"Mhmm," he hums, "very right."

"I guess I should be honest with you too and tell you I haven't been with anyone in eight years."

"What?!" Joel chokes out. "Why? How?"

I swallow hard, shaking my head. "I'd rather talk about it in person. It's—awkward."

"You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, y/n. You never have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

My eyes feel misty at his comforting words, but my mind is screaming at me to keep my walls up. "Thanks, Joel."

"Of course, y/n. As I said, you shouldn't be thanking me for the bare minimum. I'm sorry for whatever guy made you think that's all that you deserve."

Deciding to change the subject before I panic, I quickly swallow my fear that's clawing its way up my throat. "Uh—what time should I meet you tomorrow? And where are we going?"

"I could pick you up, if you want. I'd like it to be a surprise." He audibly smiles in his words.

I can't help but giggle. "Okay, that's fine. Could at least tell me the attire?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Casual-slash-nice? I'll be wearing a button-down and some jeans. Nothing too fancy."

I nod my head, planning my outfit already. "That sounds good to me. What time will you be here?"

"Six-thirty okay with you?"

"That sounds perfect."

"I'll see you tomorrow then, y/n. I have to attempt to make a good dinner for Sarah and I. I told you I was a shit cook, but I do practice so that she's not eating crap food all the time."

I laugh, flopping onto my back on my bed. "You're a good dad, Joel."

"I do my best."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, y/n."

We hang up, and I toss my phone to the side, staring at my ceiling.

Am I making the right choice by going out with him? I won't have any way of getting home if things go poorly, or if he switches and is no longer the man I'm assuming he is. What if he's exactly like...him? I hate saying his name, or even thinking it. Joel can't be evil like him, can he?

***

  I'm straightening out my powder blue sundress when there's a knock on my front door. My hands are shaky and I feel like my knees are going to buckle at any moment. Taking a steadying breath, I pull open the front door, revealing a stunning, handsome Joel before me.

He's donned in a black button-up as he said, and dark blue jeans with black dress shoes on his feet. His hair is lightly tamed with some gel, adding a bit of shine to the  deep brown strands.

I feel winded at his appearance, and I'm suddenly hoping he feels the same about me. I've done my makeup to the best of my ability, and even went the extra mile to straighten my hair. Even with my heels on, Joel is still taller than me, and I don't know why I enjoy that so much.

"Wow," he breathes out, still standing on my doorstep. "I can't believe you're my date tonight."

My heart soars as I blush, looking down to my floor to try to focus my gaze elsewhere. "Thank you. You look amazing, Joel."

He scoffs. "Next to you, I look like a bum."

I giggle, meeting his soft brown eyes and the straightness of his teeth. "Are you ready?"

Joel nods, reaching his hand out for mine. "If you are."

Tossing all of my anxiety and negative thoughts aside, I grab his hand, locking my front door behind me as he leads me to his truck. He opens the door for me and helps me in, his hand letting go once I'm settled in to the passenger seat.

My eyes follow him as he walks around the front, getting in beside me behind the steering wheel. We gaze at each other for a moment, my focus falling to his delicate lips that I've missed the feeling of, no matter how hard I've tried to deny that fact. I want to want him without feeling afraid, but I can't help it.

"Kiss me," I say gently.

Joel immediately leans forward with his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me into him firmly. His lips are so soft, and his tongue is back again in its eager, talented way. I can't help but moan, his tongue the match that struck across my body to wrap it in delicious flames.

He pulls away, both of us a bit winded from the kiss. "How the hell do you kiss like that if you haven't been with anyone in eight years?"

I giggle slightly as I shrug. "You're a good guide."

Joel chuckles and leans fully away, holding his hand out for me as he keeps the other on the steering wheel, pulling away from my house. I gently slide my fingers into his, feeling euphoric and safe in his truck with him.

Not seeing him for a few days has only made my attraction grow tremendously. How does he melt all of my fears away just by being around me? Nobody has ever done that for me before, or maybe I just never let anybody try. Why am I letting him in?

  We park in front of a swanky restaurant, one that I've always passed, but never eaten at. It's New Orleans style food served in a comfortable, yet classy environment. I've always wanted to try it, but it seemed odd to come here alone, even though that's what I prefer.

Joel holds my hand as we walk in, the host guiding us to a table once he tells her the name for our party. The air smells heavenly. It's like Cajun food and Texan food had a baby and this restaurant is the outcome. God bless whoever came up with this place.

The server orders our drinks, and I opt out of getting wine. Joel orders an appetizer for us, my eyes scanning the menu as he does.

"No wine?" he sneers playfully at me. "Thought you were a wine lover."

"I am," I laugh, "but I'd like to be more connected this time."

Joel nods. "That's why I didn't order any beer. I still have to drive you back home, too."

Against everything my brain is telling me, I reach beside me at the table and rub Joel's thigh gingerly. I keep my eyes on the menu, my hand shaking as I bring it to a stop against his pants.

Joel reaches down and grabs my hand, bringing it up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss against it. My gaze moves from the menu to his, seeing the slight concern etched into his face.

"Y/n," he says gently, "you're shaking again."

"I'm sorry," I say quickly. "I guess I'm nervous."

"About what?"

I shake my head. I can't tell him about my traumatic past on our first date, can I? He'll think I'm crazy and divulging way too much information for someone I barely know. It's not like me to open up, but I feel compelled to with him. I want him to know that it's not his fault that I'm so fucking terrified all the time.

"I don't know," I say softly. "I'm sorry."

Joel's brows knit together with worry. "Do you want me to take you home?"

God. That simple question has my anxiety skyrocketing down; that reassurance that if I need to leave at any given moment apparently being all I needed to calm down.

I give him a warm smile, leaning across the corner of the table to place a gentle kiss against his stubbly cheek. "No. I want to be here with you."

He beams at me, kissing my knuckles again. "You're not shaking anymore."

"I know," I beam, turning back to the menu. "Everything sounds so damn good. What are you thinking about getting?"

"Honestly the gumbo sounds amazing, and I've never had any."

"Ooo," I coo, nodding. "That does sound good."

  After our food is brought out, Joel takes a generous bite of his dish as I dig into mine. The flavor of everything bursts in my mouth, and I let out a moan of contentment. It's incredible, and I can't believe I've never eaten here before.

Joel holds out his spoon for me with his steaming food piled onto it. "You've gotta try this."

I lean forward and take the spoon between my lips, groaning with a nod as I enjoy the taste of his meal.

"God, that's amazing." I pierce my own food with my fork, holding it out for Joel. "Now try mine."

Watching his lips slide across my fork does something sinful to me, and I'm not entirely sure why.

"This might be the best food I've ever had," he beams.

"I can't believe you haven't eaten here before. This is my favorite restaurant."

"It felt weird to come here alone," I laugh, placing my fork down to sip my water.

Joel eyes me with a glimmer in his eye. "Well, now you don't have to."

My cheeks warm as I break the eye contact, unable to hold it any longer. Although his eyes are kind and gentle, there's something so intimidating about them. Maybe it's because I'm so attracted to him, but god I can't look into them for too long.

  We finish our meals and I go to pay, but Joel quickly grabs my card from me, slamming his down into the checkbook instead.

"Absolutely not," he shakes his head as we both laugh. "You can be a control freak all you want on your own time, but I'm paying for dinner tonight."

I giggle loudly, crossing my arms as I do my best to act offended. "Only I can call me a control freak."

He holds up his hands in defense. "I was only quoting you"

I playfully shove him, watching as the server walks away with the bill. "I want to pay for the next date."

Joel leans on the table on his elbows, handing me my card back. "Oh, there's going to be a next date?"

My eyes land on his, admiring the deep chocolate river that flows in them. "Yes."

"Maybe I like that you're a control freak," he beams, his eyes floating down to my lips. "It's charming."

"Charming?" I guffaw. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Of course not," he laughs. "Everyone has their quirks, and I want to learn all of yours."

My gaze softens. "Really?"

Joel nods. "Really."

  Back at my house, Joel walks me to the front door, giving me a long, lingering kiss before I unlock it.

"Would you like to come in?" I ask somewhat timidly.

He nods with a smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "We could watch a movie again, if you wanted."

I beam. "I'd like that a lot."

We enter my house, and I immediately kick off my heels, picking them up by the backs and carrying them into my bedroom. I put them away where they belong, checking my reflection in the mirror to make sure I'm tidy and presentable enough for Joel.

He stands near the couch, my eyes flicking down to his shoes. "You can take those off if you want."

Joel chuckles. "Do you not like shoes on in the house?"

I smirk, walking up beside him. "No, not really."

He laughs, bending down and slipping his shoes off to leave them by the front door near the little entrance carpet.

We sit on the couch, my thumb clicking on the remote to go to any streaming service.

"Do you have to be back to Sarah any time soon?" I ask, suddenly worrying that I'm taking up too much of his time.

"No," he smiles. "I told Mrs. Cheshire that it might be a late night. She knows I'm on a date."

Hearing him say that makes me beam vastly, gazing into his soft eyes. "Yeah, you are."

Joel chuckles, leaning in and placing a soft kiss to my cheek. "What do you want to watch?"

"Anything. How about I stop being a control freak and let you pick?"

He laughs, nodding as he takes the remote from me. "Any particular genre you like to avoid?"

"I'm good with anything, really." My eyes admire his beautiful profile. "You pick."

Joel ends up landing on a rom-com, making my lips tweak up as I giggle. He laughs with me, throwing his arm around my shoulders as I lean into his chest. He smells incredible; the scent warm and musky yet clean. I inhale him deeply, needing more of him.

My head turns up to face his, admiring the stubble along his jaw. Joel flicks his gaze down to look at me, giving me a gentle smile.

"What?" he asks quietly as the movie plays in the background.

"You're a handsome man, Joel."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "It blows my mind that you think that."

"You're delusional."

"No, you're just that beautiful."

My lips attach to his in an instant, a hungry, needy feeling washing over me. I'm consumed by my own greed to have him near, desperate to have him closer. I slip my tongue against his, savoring the taste of Cajun food and Joel.

His hands rest on my hips, gripping them tightly as he begins to push me back onto the couch. My head hits the cushion gently as our lips never part, the weight of him feeling—suffocating and overwhelming. The horrible thoughts begin to flood my mind, and I do my best to push them away. But Joel is on me, devouring my mouth and keeping his grip on my hips. I can't do it. It's too much.

"Joel," I breathe, my chest beginning to heave.

"Yes, y/n?" he rasps, his lips on my neck.

"No!" I shout, pushing at his shoulders roughly.

He immediately flies back, fear and confusion staining his wonderful, beautiful face. "Y/n, hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Before even realizing it, I'm crying and shaking, curling into myself on my cushion that I was just pressed against moments ago. I close my eyes, hoping that it'll vanish. Whether it's the thoughts or Joel, I don't care. I just need them to go away.

"Remember the breathing?" he says quietly, sounding so far away it's like I'm floating in space. "Breathe with me, y/n."

My hands are over my ears, and my eyes are squeezed shut. I slowly open them to look at Joel, watching his chest inflate and deflate slowly. I follow his rhythm, moving my hands slowly away from my head to hear his deep breaths. He encourages me, smiling gently with those soft eyes of his melting me.

His hand slowly reaches out to grab mine and I let him, watching as he places it against his heart. It's racing against my palm, but his breathing is easy and calm.

"Joel," I begin, but he shushes me gently.

"Just keep breathing for a minute. Follow mine."

We sit there gazing at each other, easily breathing in and out for a few minutes until both of our hearts are no longer pounding hard against our chests.

"I need to tell you something," I say, hanging my head.

Joel brings my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. "I'm sorry, y/n."

My brows pitch up. "What for?"

"I came on too strong and I scared you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"No," I shake my head. "Joel, it's not your fault."

His vast, saddened eyes search mine, wrenching my heart. "I never want to scare you, y/n."

"Please, it's not your fault, I promise."

He nods, kissing my knuckles again.

"I haven't been with anyone in eight years because I was—" Words fail me, and I seem incapable of explaining what happened to me in this moment.

"You were what?" Joel asks gently.

"T-taken advantage of by my ex-boyfriend and his friend when I was seventeen."

Joel's face twists with disgust, and the tenderness has left his eyes. "My god, I'm so sorry, y/n."

"No," I shake my head, "please don't pity me. I don't want your pity."

He gingerly reaches out and cups my face, my cheek pushing more into his touch. "It's not pity, y/n. It's compassion."

A tear falls from my eye, and Joel swipes it with his thumb. "I panicked when you first took me to the supply store for the washer hose because I was scared I wouldn't come back home. With—him—I had no way of leaving. I was trapped."

Joel frowns. "Honey, you didn't have to go with me."

I smile faintly at the pet name. "But I wanted to. I wanted to spend time with you."

"Y/n, listen to me," he cups my face in both hands, "we don't ever have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I don't care what it is, it won't happen if you're uncomfortable. Do you hear me?"

I nod. "I still want you, Joel. I want you so badly."

"We don't have to rush into anything. I haven't even slept with anyone in years. I'll wait for you, y/n. I want to wait until you're ready."

My eyes soften as I hang my head. "God, you're amazing, you know that?"

"I'm not amazing, y/n. I'm just being a decent human. You're still fragile, and I don't want to—"

I scowl. "I'm not fragile."

Joel frowns slightly. "I didn't mean to offend you, I just don't want you doing something if it's too soon."

"Joel, I've spent the last eight years being terrified of men. You're the first man I've let kiss me in eight years. I'm not a porcelain doll. I'm a woman that's healing, and you're helping me put on the band-aids."

He smiles gently. "I'm the luckiest damn man in the world."

I scoff, sniffling a bit. "You think you're lucky because you have a trauma victim that likes you?"

"You're not that to me at all," he shakes his head. "To me, you're a strong woman who's beginning to trust. And only god knows why I'm the one who made you want to start. I'm just happy to be here with you."

My body leans forward, wrapping my arms around his neck as I push our chests together. Our lips and tongues connect effortlessly, like it's second nature for us at this point. I fling my leg over his, straddling him and pinning his thighs to the cushion.

"Y/n," Joel pulls away, his eyes searching mine, "please, if you're not ready—"

"Shut up, Joel," I tell him, reattaching our lips.

My fingers are in his hair, his hands on my hips as I gently rock them back and forth against him. I can feel how hard he is beneath me, and it only spurs me on further.

I've never ridden anyone before, but it doesn't take an expert to figure out how to do it. My hands fumble with the buttons of his shirt, our lips never leaving each other's as I work at his shirt.

"Touch me," I breathe against his lips, continuing our kiss.

Joel's hands stay at my hips, rubbing them tenderly.

His shirt lays open, and I part our kiss to give him a look of disapproval. "Joel, I didn't tell you the truth so that you'd be scared of me." I bring his hands up from my hips to my breasts. "I said touch me."

He leans up to reconnect the kiss, his palms against me, kneading my chest through my dress. His hands move down beneath it, sliding up my bare thighs until he's gripping my ass tightly.

"You tell me if you want me to stop anything," he says gruffly, his eyes alight with hunger.

I nod, desperate to return to his lips.

His hands move up the sides of my dress, and I part our mouths for a moment just so he can lift it off over my head. My fingers are on his jeans, shaking from desperation as I do my best to unfasten the button. Joel helps me, making quick work of his jeans until he's sat beneath me in only his boxers.

I lick my lips in anticipation, staring down at the thick, weighty erection that rests beneath me.

"I don't have any condoms, y/n," Joel says with a ragged breath.

"I don't care. I'm on the pill."

Joel's fingers play with the band of my panties, and I can tell he's still hesitant to touch me. My lips trail along his jaw and neck as I guide his hand into the fabric that he's toying with. A small groan leaves his lips once his fingers come in contact with my slit, making me clench down onto nothing.

"Oh, my god," he groans slightly, his head falling back against the back of the couch. "You're so fucking wet."

I hum against him, sliding my tongue from his collar bone up to his earlobe. "Just for you, Joel."

He eases a finger gently inside of me, stopping my body in its tracks as a shudder of pleasure runs through me. Joel moves it out slowly, pushing it back in with ease. My hands are on his shoulders, gripping the fabric of his shirt tightly as I let out a quiet moan against his neck.

"Gotta prep you, honey. I won't fit if I don't get you ready for me."

My breath hitches in my throat as he works a second finger into me, my lips tucking between my teeth. "Fuck," I breathe out shakily.

"God, you're so tight," he groans. "Don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't," I whisper. "Please, I need you."

My hands hook into the sides of his boxers, pulling them down so that they're resting on his thighs with his jeans. Joel's fingers move up to my clit, making me gasp at the sudden contact.

"Cum first and then I'm yours."

"Joel," I groan, my head leaning back. "Please."

He rubs me easily, swirling my little bundle of nerves in quick, neat circles that have my thighs already quivering with anticipation.

"It's okay, y/n," he coos. "You don't have to beg. You'll have me."

My body is on fire, and my chest is heaving dramatically. I'm already so close to the edge; so close to a feeling I haven't experienced in years, not even when I'm alone. I never wanted to. I've never been so hungry for an orgasm than I am right now with Joel beneath me and his fingers against me.

That blinding rush of euphoria courses through my body and I scream out, my entrance fluttering as my release takes over me. Joel groans quietly, his fingers guiding me through it until I'm shivering from the overstimulation.

He gently pulls my face down to his, kissing me deeply and passionately. I take his thick cock into my hands, groaning at the sheer size and weight of him. My other hand moves down to pull my panties to the side, rubbing Joel's tip through my soaking apex.

"Fuck," he curses, briefly breaking the kiss. "Tell me again that you want me."

I nod, biting my lip. "I want you so bad, Joel."

"I'm yours, y/n. Take me."

I pull away, leaning up onto my knees as I position myself above him. With one hand on him at the base, I gently start to ease myself down. My jaw unhinges, my eyes open wide from the overwhelming feeling of the stretch of him. I feel full, and he's not even halfway in yet.

Joel grips my hips tightly, his eyes on where we're connecting. "Take your time. I don't want it to hurt."

"It doesn't," I breathe out sharply. "Just—a lot."

He chuckles cheekily, the sound seemingly vibrating through my body to send another rush of arousal to where he's stretching me out. I move my hand, allowing myself to settle at the bottom as we both let out a coo of approval.

"Go slow," Joel says gently.

I breathe, adjusting to him still, feeling stretched beyond belief. "Don't tell me what to do."

Joel laughs, his fingers quickly undoing the clasps of my bra. He attaches his mouth to my left nipple, making me shriek and tense up around him. He groans against me, his eyes briefly squeezing shut.

I slowly start to move up and down, groaning out towards the ceiling from the intense pleasure. Joel drops his fingers to my slick bud again, immediately making me clench down on him.

He groans, moving to my other nipple. "You're so beautiful," he praises. "Riding me so good, y/n."

His compliments spur me on, and I move my hips faster, becoming more and more acclimated to the stretch of him. My moans are constant. Every time he's buried in me to the hilt, I can't help but cry out into the emptiness of my home.

"Joel," I moan, my eyes squeezed shut. "Please, I'm so close."

His free hand comes up and grips me behind my neck, pulling my lips down to press against his briefly. "I know, honey. Can feel you squeezing me. Cum on me, y/n."

His words are my undoing, and I'm crumbling. My walls are flexing against him and my teeth are sinking into the skin of his neck, needing something to keep me grounded to earth.

Joel groans loudly, only making my orgasm more intense. "Yes, y/n," he moans. "Tell me how I feel."

"G-good," I shudder, kissing the teeth marks on his neck. "Please, Joel."

"What, honey? Tell me what you want."

"Fuck me."

His hands immediately go to my hips, his legs adjusting a bit before he starts to thrust up into me, the quick pace making me scream and bury my face back into his neck.

"Oh, my god!" I cry, my eyes squeezing shut. "Fuck, Joel, please."

"I can't hold it anymore, y/n. Tell me where you want it," he says gruffly. "Tell me."

"Inside of me!"

Joel's fingers dig into my skin so tightly I'm sure they'll leave bruises. He cries out, his head tilting back as I feel him throbbing inside of me. Every spurt of cum and jerk of his hips makes me groan, and I finally open my eyes once I feel his release stop pouring into me.

His hands move to my bare back, caressing me gently from the bottom of my spine to the top. He rubs me silently for a few moments, both of us just panting and breathing together.

"Please tell me how you are," Joel finally says. "I need to know."

"I'm perfect," I breathe, moving my head out of the crook of his neck. "More than perfect."

He beams at me, leaning up to pull me in to a wonderful, tender kiss that has my heart soaring.

"You're incredible," he says as our foreheads press together. "I can't believe you like me."

I giggle, shaking my head. "Would you stop it? You're perfect, Joel. I mean it."

He chuckles, kissing me again. "What do you want me to do?"

I cock my head. "About what?"

"Do you want me to stay the night? Or would you rather me go home?"

"Stay," I smile. "Please."

He beams at me. "I was hoping you'd say that."

****

[zephfair]

Hello? Anyone still here?

Hey, who disappeared for months and has desperately missed all her little friends who live on this hell-site but has been too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually login ... and who lost track of where this sentence was going ... Yeah, this girl.🤗

But, wow, have I missed you all and all the beauty that is Tumblr, and I hope you'll forgive me for secreting myself away since--holy cow--January.

Quick life update behind the cut.

So, I knew going back to work full-time at my age after quite a long unintended break AND now having health disabilities, well, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to adjust my whole, entire life. I expected it to be incredibly difficult, and I fully planned to give myself some grace and time in having to change my every routine.

But somehow, I still underestimated it.

I am so thankful to have a job now, with a steady (if small) income and benefits that frankly make me want to weep with thanks. I mean, I don't have time to go to the doctor, but at least now I could afford to go, if I could get there.

But wow, work is tough. Not just the literal work but, as I said, changing my entire life around it. I'm not complaining, but I am doing my best to learn all new skills (job is not in my old field), relearn how to work and reschedule my own needs and just upend everything.

The absolute worst thing has been trying to take care of my aunt. I was to leave town on Jan. 7 to start my training on Jan. 8.

My 90-year-old aunt fell and broke her pelvis (and a finger and needed some stitches) Jan. 2. I spent every waking hour with her over the rest of that week. While I'd planned to spend that week cleaning my house, getting my business in order and just resting, I was freaking out and traveling through the snow and literally worried sick about her.

It was bad.

And I couldn't stay with her like I did when she broke her hip because I had to attend training full-time. At least they let us come home super-early from that first on-site week of training, but that led to a literal nightmare of a drive home one night through snow, ice, rain, flooding and fog that I'm not joking I've had nightmares about before and now since. Long story.

So, I spent January and February training and working 9 hours a day then spending all day Saturday at her place cleaning and doing laundry and making sure she had everything she needed for a week, and then I had Sunday to do my own laundry and clean the house and take care of my own things...which just keep getting pushed back because I'm too worn out.

Thank God, Aunt made a miraculous recovery and now is doing her own house and laundry etc. but I still go out one day a weekend and do anything else she needs and make sure she has all her groceries and supplies and stuff.

We're all each other has.

Needless to say, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't sleep well anyway, but add the stress of the new job and my dear aunt and my own health issues, and I'm exhausted. Weary. Overwhelmed and just so very tired. My body is so heavy, I can barely move anymore. It's bad.

And when I finally got to my doctor two weeks ago for my long-delayed check-up, found out I was right about my blood pressure being sky-high again. It went high for the first time several years ago when my Mom was dying, but it eventually settled and was fine. But yeah, it's bad again now. No shock there. And all my lovely chronic health conditions have flared which was no surprise--again, I had braced myself to expect it and power through it, and that's what I'm doing. But it sucks. And it's hard. And there's so much pain.

I don't want to say much about my job, but the over-arching Praise the Lord wonderful thing about it is working from home. There have been so many days already that I never would've been able to get to an office to work, but I can push through it here because I don't have to use any spoons to get myself "ready" (sweatshirts and leggings, no personal grooming necessary, yay), and I don't have any anxiety about driving because zero commute. It has its challenges too because Teams is a weird office communication alternative to get used to, but on the good side, I don't have to deal with interpersonal drama from co-workers.

The work itself is challenging, but I have some days where I finally feel quietly competent and think, Oh, I can actually do this. And then there are some days that leave me in tears and praying for help because it's just too hard. But there's no way I'm quitting; they're going to have to fire me because did I mention the benefits are incredible? I mean, I live in the US and if you knew how much I had to pay last year for my own health insurance, and then the scope and biopsies and then the skin cancer and surgery and then the other skin pre-cancer biopsy and treatment. Yeah, I'm still in big debt from all of that.

So I keep praying that they keep me and that I'll do a good job. And my immediate supervisor has started piling extra work on me over the past 3 weeks so suddenly I'm doing my own stuff AND cleaning up the work from co-workers who aren't keeping up. And all of them have been working since October while just a handful of us began in January?

I have been complaining about this to my aunt, and I thought it meant that my supervisor thinks I'm incapable or is punishing me for trying to get through own my entire workload every single day. But she believes he's giving me all their shit work because I'll actually do it, and I admit, I have gotten some of it completed successfully after they'd given up on it. So, I don't know.

I know that I'm a perfectionist and I've always pushed myself as hard as possible to do my best at work (not at housework and other things in my life lols) but I really hope that it gets me a good reputation at this job and they keep me.

So yeah, that's what's going on here. I've completely abandoned the fandom things in life that I actually enjoy. I almost feel, like, guilty when I'd think about trying to make some time to browse Tumblr or wasting time on social media or even trying to write fic. I get done with work at 6:30 pm, and until I get something to eat and then clean up, it's 8 or 8:30. I have to spend about an hour on the phone with Aunt (and I call her every morning, break, and lunch time too). By then, I can barely walk or move so I just try to make it upstairs to bed. Even though I can't sleep, it just feels nice to lie down.

But I miss all of you. And I miss fandom fun. And I want to be around more because maybe it would recharge me rather than me feeling so freaking overwhelmed every minute of the day.

And I promise not to complain and bitch all the time, now that I've gotten it out of my system. But thanks for listening.

I do miss you, and I love you all.

PLEASE let me know if I've missed anything important in your lives and goings on here! I've got A LOT of catching up to do!

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hello Kiko!! I come with well wishes!!

Life has been really busy recently. Monday was nothing, but then Tuesday was back to school after spring break.

Wednesday was a busy night with youth group, and then Thursday I had my first day back to work for the season. After my shift I went straight to the skating rink. Safe to say I left at 4:15 pm and didn't get back til 10:40 pm..

Then on the weekend I was off to a spring retreat! Lo and behold I end up with a cold and a sore leg from sleeping on the hard floor...

Next time I am DEFINITELY bringing an air mattress.

Now having time to myself is hitting me like a freaking TRUCK.

Being busy is a great feeling though.

It has its ups and downs, that's for sure.... But now I'm just feeling RESTLESS.

Anyway, enough about me. I haven't checked up on your page in around a week! I hope you have been better.

I am planning on making a tiramisu cake at some point. Perhaps I'll share some pics when I do make it!

So since I just made that statement, here's my question about Rinko:

What is Rinko's opinion on Italian food, like tiramisu cakes? (Unless she's ate one before and I wasnt paying attention, lol)

Well, that's all I've got for now! Have an amazing day/night! 💕

-🐬

Hello sweet 🐬 anon!!

Being busy definitely helps keep you occupied! I always found my busiest semesters in school, and busiest periods at work, pass so quickly. On the flip side, I always found myself burnt out and exhausted by the end of those periods. I hope you’re able to get some rest and recharge!!

Tiramisu?? So, fun fact about Kiko: tiramisu is my FAVORITE DESSERT EVER. I was able to do a study abroad in Italy when I was in undergrad, and my NUMBER ONE GOAL while I was there was to try as many tiramisu as I could. They were all incredible. It’s still my favorite. Please feel free to share pictures of your creation!!

As for Rinko’s thoughts on Italian food? 🤔

Rinko loves pretty much all food, so I imagine she likes it! A fairly popular Japanese dessert is a matcha tiramisu, and she LOVES matcha, so I think she’d like regular tiramisu, too! While I didn't really write other foods into Another Level, Rinko and Gojo have shared hundreds of meals over the years, so it's safe to say that they've had Italian food of some kind before 😊

SO TO ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: I THINK RINKO WOULD LOVE TIRAMISU AND ITALIAN FOOD. 😂

I HOPE THIS ACTUALLY MADE SENSE 🫠

[cecexwrites]

Me? with another long winded explanation in regards to my not being around like I said I would be in my last post? More likely than you think.

about as likely as me using an outdated meme like the millennial that I am.

so! Life has been chaos for the past like- month. Basically I came home from my vacation, my bestie was coming to town and kind of invited herself over to my house, which was functioning as little more than my depression pit.

cue me spending a lot of time freaking out about cleaning up and then rearranging all my furniture more than once and focusing on the wrong parts of cleaning up the house because of course I did. I've spent every night for the past two weeks going home and panicking about the house and stressing out over it.

my friend flew in with her husband and child this week. Sunday I spent like- all day at a baseball game with my co-workers then that night at dinner with the friend group. thursday I spent all day with my bestie and her family. Last night we went to karaoke. It was so much fun but it meant I had no time for anything.

Also I'm behind on my work work so I'm also scrambling to try and catch up with that and seeing as work is where I enter all my edits and post my stories- that fell off as well.

then cherry on top, my aunt is moving in with me because I come from an incredibly selfish family who would rather my aunt live in her car than giving up their daughter's playroom or the room that my cousin stays in a few nights a month. So Now my time is being spent getting that room ready for her. But! hopefully all that will be finished up this weekend.

tomorrow I am going to dinner with my mom, brother and sister in law for my birthday (which is Wednesday) and then, hopefully, after that, everything will calm the fuck down enough for me to be able to be around and do things and write and get back to a place where I can do things that make me happy as opposed to me just constantly feeling like I'm running to catch up on everything.

though considering I'm meant to go to New Mexico in two weeks and I still don't have plane tickets- I'm thinking we might have to keep running for a while.

anyway, I see the tags and the love I've gotten recently and I do so appreciate it and I will be diving into everyone's stuff as soon as I can and I'm sorry for being so absent

[sapphicautistic]

My estranged-ish aunt who was once like a mother to me and who I have lain awake nights literally in this past week stressing out about the unsolveable family conflict that caused the rift, texted my partner in the middle of the night last night saying she'll be in the state briefly this weekend and can we drive 4 hours round trip to meet her halfway for berry picking?

And I know I should go if I have any desire at all to salvage this relationship but even apart from the INCREDIBLY LATE NOTICE making my autistic brain completely freak out, that's an INSANE outlay of energy and she has no idea what she's asking like she genuinely doesn't.

I have two appointments on Thursday next week I'd probably have to reschedule because I would be bedbound for a few weeks after that much exertion and she still has no idea how sick I am and probably thinks it's psychological anyways.

Also we had a family party planned for that day and so I'd have an out BUT she lives thousands of miles away and I'm pretty sure I'd look like an asshole regardless of having a reason, assuming she even believes the reason and doesn't think I made it up to avoid her

Also I'm maybe afraid to go because she's gonna wanna rehash Unsolveable Family Conflict and I do not have that in me and especially will not after sitting up, in a car, for 2 hours which is going to make me feel like death.

But despite all of this I think I SHOULD go and gf says it's my choice but she also thinks I should because this aunt is important to me but IS she anymore? She's turned into a bitter asshole who is so tangled up in her own issues and is projecting them onto others and I feel like I cannot communicate with her even though she used to be the person I could communicate with best. She is a deeply angry person who thinks she isn't and it's always ready to burst out and it makes her very hard to talk to, like even before Unsolveable Family Conflict but over the years it's gotten worse and worse.

I'm very upset and stressed out and I keep crying because I just do not want to be in this position. And I know she almost definitely didn't know herself until last night that she'd be here but I still resent being put in this position because it's so agonizing.

I wish she could just come down and join the family party because that would be a MILLION times less stressful but that would be asking HER (and whoever's with her, unclear) to spend SEVEN hours in the car round trip on what sounds like a very short trip and that's unlikely and she'd probably be resentful if she did

And I'm just on eggshells because like. She didn't even answer my mother's day text/gift, this whole thing feels very tenuous which is upsetting for its own reasons. I wish we could just talk like we used to and I could tell her my situation honestly and she could help me figure out a plan. But instead I have to guess how she'll react to stuff.

And also in addition to the last minute plan change stress there's the stress of not knowing what to expect at the halfway point because I've never been there, I am absolutely not going to go berry picking because I might actually die if they make me walk around after 2 hours sitting up in a car but presumably there's a park somewhere we could sit at? But as an autistic person the way I get less stressed about doing things is to imagine them in detail and I cannot do this for new places.

I SHOULD go but I think I don't want to and idk what to do. I wish she could just come down here, way less chance of a stressful conversation in the middle of people she has to be polite to and I wouldn't have to harm my body by all that travelling.

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

[mageofseven]

Hi!! May i pleeease get a match? I used to love this game, i hope you can bring me back to it<3 so any of the boys is okey really! sooo about myself, i'm 25, female, my sun sign is taurus, moon in aquarius and asc in leo! Yes, i've heard before that i look like the mean but pretty girl who wouldn't ever text you back 🙈 but that's not true, i believe i'm an extroverted person, i love talking and enjoy the company of others. I have a teachers degree, but in this economy i don't work as such. I'm family oriented, love to cook and clean, i also have a 🐶 so she also takes up much of my time. I loved going out to pubs, clubs, etc. but that lifestlye had to end. Though i still love doing something on the weekends, yk. I'm very stubborn which can be annoying ik, also i'm the jealous type when in a relationship...been working on that but i just can't not be jealous if there is a reason to be 🙄 thank you sooo much, have a great day ❤ - 🐌 anon

Of course! I hope I can help inspire you to play the game again! The current game Nightbringer is pretty good and definitely worth playing~

Anyway, onto the matchup!

As a Taurus, you are known for being down-to-earth, loyal, and reliable, but also jealous (just as you mentioned!), self-indulgent, and possessive.

With your moon in Aquarius, you are seen as an unique and progressive person. You sometimes come off as detached from others and more interested in the ideas you generate in your mind. You aim to look at problems from above in order to be objective and not be held down by your emotions.

As a Leo Ascendant, you are seen as strong and confident, someone who loves to be the center of attention. You also seem very direct, passionate, and like a good leader.

Overall, this plus the rest of your information makes you sound like a very sociable and open-minded person. You love guiding others and learning new things. You love deeply and want to be loved back just as strongly back.

With all of this in mind, two men come to mind for you so I will explain my thoughts for both~

Therefore

I pair you with...

Asmodeus

Oh boy, this man is head over heels with you! He loves your fun, outgoing personality, but also how you're able to take charge when needed. He finds it all incredibly sexy and I can see this man just freaking glowing with how happy he is to be seen with you and to have you in his life.

Though you're not as active in your previous lifestyle, Asmo would still love if you came out with him to The Fall during some weekends.

The biggest hurdle I think you two would have to go through is your jealousy. I mean, Asmo is the Avatar of Lust after all. I can't see him ever cheating on you, but with him being one of the most desirable and well known men in the Devildom, it might make things a bit difficult for you.

Don't worry though! His love for you is so strong that he can't even think of others in that way.

But also with...

Diavolo

Oh devil, you are one lucky woman! Please be this man's Queen and live of a life of excess love and pampering.

This lonely, but good hearted man can't seem to get enough of you. You are beautiful with a good heart but also someone intelligent that he can seek advice from.

This man can sometimes be a bit much when expressing his love to others in this way, but with your combination of being passionate, loving when you're the center of attention, and your jealous tendencies, I think you could handle it all very well.

Diavolo will make you feel so loved and cared for, someone that makes his devotion so clear that you likely won't be as jealous in this relationship as you have been in others.

So yeah! Enjoy these two amazing, warm hearted men clinging to you and devoting themselves to your happiness 🥰

[x-authorship-x]

hey 💛 you said you'd talk about any characters or pairings... But what are YOUR favorite pairings? I can't tell which shisui one you like more... And what about other fandoms?

Have a good weekend 💛

P S take all the time you need to write 💛

Hey Anon ✨

So, for Shisui... I don't really have any favorite ships, which I know is probably a wishy-washy answer but it's true. For reading, well, there's not exactly a huge variety so I just take what I can get and that I enjoy (on a fic-by-fic basis).

For writing, well most of my fics with a listed ship haven't gotten around to that part just yet. For the romance I have addressed (Shisui x Tenzo, Squad Two Poly, ShiKakaGen, and Shisui x Sakumo), i liked all of them at the time of writing and it hasn't changed afterwards! Tbh the thing I want most from a Shisui fic is the satisfaction of him being loved and appreciated 😅 which, as most of my readers will know from what I do post, I usually get from platonic-centric fics anyway

For other characters, I'm a huge multishipper. It helps that I hate love triangles and generally quip that "poly fixes everything" 🤭 So long as it makes sense in the moment of the fic, that's pretty much all that matters. I do have some ships I won't touch, but I won't list them here because that's unnecessary ☺️

For my Tokoyami fic, I can't remember if i listed a Tokoyami/? But there is the potential for a main pairing in the plans, but i don't... hm, 'hardcore ship' him with anyone? I'll play it by ear as the fic developes

In other BNHA works, I'm pretty open - again, so long as it makes sense and I enjoy it in the context of the fic

As for other fandoms.... Ahhhh

I only have one true OTP that I don't actually budge on, and that's Obi x Shirayuki in Akagami no Shirayuki-hime/Snow White With The Red Hair (AnS/SWWRH), because I don't hate or dislike any of the main cast! No hate! But I was so immediately struck by their dynamic, and with the way that canon has developed... Well, I really can't look at it any other way. Katlou has unfortunately been witness to my quarter-annual ObiYuki freak out, where I completely lose my mind and rant to her about how much I love them whilst she nods sagely and vaguely remembers what I've said on previous occasions 🤣

... i think I have a type of character fixation which is "Incredible Skills, Dubious Reputation, Feral Devotion" and bonus points if they're dark haired and secretly (or not so secretly) a sweetheart 🤷

This isn't a master list of pairings, like maybe you were looking for but what can I say? 😅 Thanks for your support, anon, and i hope you also have a great weekend!

[acciocriativity]

Tetrachromat II || Harry Potter

Pairing: Cedric Diggory x Reader

Summary: How would Cedric react when he discovers your little superpower?  

Word Count: 1,5k

N / A: Tetrachromatism or tetrachromacy comes from the mixture of two words of Greek origin,"tetra"means "four" and "Chroma" which means "color". A tetrachromat person has 4 cell cones, instead of 3, which is more common and this makes him sensitive to a wider color spectrum. 

Part I

 It was exactly two weeks ago that Cedric and I were going out, as I worked as a teacher and he was trying to follow his father’s steps at the Ministry, we agreed to meet on the weekends and in the meantime we exchanged several letters. 

Today is a Friday and I was expecting the last father to pick up her daughter so I could lock the classroom and go home. 

- Miss Wright, look at my drawing! It’s you! - The smiling girl got up from the plastic chair and came running excitedly to my table. 

- It is beautiful my love, you will be an incredible artist in the future - I replied with a smile, giving a brief pat on the top of her tiny head before she waddled back to her place. 

I took one last look at the stick pink woman before folding it carefully, but something caught my attention before I put the paper in my folder, it was as if my world had been filled with colors all at once.  

- Cedric? - before I knew it, my legs guided me to the half-open door, where he had knocked a few seconds after I recognized his presence.

My mind passed through a whirlwind of thoughts but my mouth did not open once. 

- I didn't think I was going to surprise you at that point - the sincere smile remained on his face - your father brought me, lucky me that he was home at this time - I could see a different gleam in his eyes when he looked at my dear student. 

She was looking at us since the door opened, her curiosity would not allow her to miss a second of the scene that passed before her eyes. 

- Is that your boyfriend, Miss Wright? He's more handsome than I expected - I felt the redness take over my cheeks and it didn't seem to matter to them. 

- Cedric Diggory at your service, and what's your name, miss? - he said as he approached the round table where the little girl was still seated, and then he held out his hand towards her, leaning about her height.  

- Marie - her little hand found his and her face was not far from mine, his charm could even conquer a stone and worst of all, he was aware of it. 

- It is a pleasure to meet you Marie - he straightened his posture and walked slowly to the nearest wall, decorated with various drawings and activities that we had done during this year, analysing them carefully. 

My agitation was gradually fading and again the silence reigned in the room for a few seconds, someone else was present with a knock on the door. 

- Daddy! - the man’s face lit up when he saw that little ray of sunlight running to embrace him and for a few seconds I witnessed a kind of love that is not found anywhere. 

- Hi my love - he picked her up with only one hand while the other was busy holding a black briefcase with no details - I'm sorry for the delay, Miss Wright, it won't happen twice.

- No problem Mrs. Jones, I understand that sometimes work is really complicated. Have a nice day and see you tomorrow Marie - I waved and the last thing I saw was her little hands waving back before the door was closed. 

I noticed a movement behind me and then I remembered that I was not alone as usual, when I turned around I found Cedric sitting in my chair, dedicating his attention to the drawing in his hands. 

- You forgot to mention that you worked with extremely adorable children - he didn't look up to speak to me, still focused on the paper.

- I am quite sure that I wrote this at some point, although most of the time it is the complete opposite. You were lucky today - I replied calmly approaching him with a small smile. 

- Does this mean that I should come again ?? - his hands went around my waist and brought me closer to him, even though he was still sitting on the chair. 

- Hmmm, considering that the whole class will end up knowing that anyway, why not? You didn't tell me you were good with children - I said as my fingers roamed through his locks.

- I didn't know it myself, it seems that it is a new talent discovered. You can make me your assistant any of these days - his expression was calm and satisfied, at a point I hadn't seen yet.      

- I'm going to think of a way for the coordinator don't deny this idea, but for now, we have to go Ced - I spoke seriously but I didn't try to get out of that hug, which is one of the best hugs I ever had the chance to receive. 

- Doesn't someone have to come clean before that? - His voice was muffled because his face was pressed against my belly while his arms remained firm around me. 

- The class is spotless, so it's not necessary, but I'll only be able to move if you let me go… Cedric! - I laughed softly as soon as I saw his expression of disappointment but he soon let me go. 

It was already around 4 o'clock, the sun was covered by clouds in the sky and a cool wind gently blew the leaves from the trees. I didn't realize that Cedric had stopped walking, as I was still enjoying the calm until I heard him. 

- How did you know I was at the door? - I turned around with a frown, finally noticing the distance between us.

- What do you mean? - questioning was my first instinct but soon the realization passed through my face, so he had heard me. 

- You guessed it was me at the door, how did you do that? You are not secretly a witch, are you? - his long steps soon reached where I was, his gaze never left my face. 

- Well, I already thought about that possibility but unfortunately not. I was waiting for the moment to tell you that. It's a little difficult to explain ... - Ced remained silent but took my hand.

- I have a rather special feature, not the talent of guessing things, but I see the world in a different way - I took a deep breath before continuing - the colors work differently for people like me.

- And how is this related to the fact that you see through the walls? - the amusement in his voice made me smile.

- I saw your colors first, this is the hard part to explain but basically everything here has color around itself, including both of us - I was unsure of what to expect from him, considering that many people considered me a liar or a freak when I told them this fact about me.  

- Really?? This is like a superpower! Why didn’t you mention it before? This sounds pretty cool - his face went through several emotions at the same time, but none close to what I expected. 

- Well, not many people know about it, I didn't know what your reaction would be - without trying, I was smiling broadly. 

- And what are my colors? It would be quite ironic if one of them is yellow - again his right arm found its way to my shoulders and we started walking again. 

- I've never seen this before, but you're all of them Ced. It was the first thing that caught my attention about you - the surprise on your face was evident and he smirked. 

- All of them? Well, that explains why you barely managed to take your eyes off me when we first met - and then I stopped walking. 

- What?? Certainly not, I remember the exact opposite of that - I crossed my arms looking at him and he had the audacity to laugh

- It is so easy to provoke you, come on missy anger, we have a date to go to - he took my hand and guided me far away from there.  

Later on, while we were eating, this topic returned and I confessed that people's negative reaction had made me extremely insecure and so, whenever possible, I tried to live like a normal person would. 

- You will never be normal but the way you see the world makes you more beautiful in my eyes and in the eyes of those who care about you too. It can be difficult but let's focus on that - he told me with his usual sweet voice and loving eyes. 

And in that moment, for the first time, I completely understood why he was a rainbow to me. 

Harry Potter Masterlist

[daisylincs]

Today is, officially, the last day of 2020 - so it's literally just in time that I'm getting to @aosrecweek's amazing challenge. But that does go to show the nature of this crazy year a little bit, right? Time has just been INSANE, and I honestly cannot believe it's so close to over.

That said, I want to put it out there that everyone - absolutely everyone - who created something in this mad year, is a SUPERHERO. Like. We could have hidden away in dark corners, curled into little balls, and lost touch with our creativity entirely - but instead, we made some of the most fantastic content I have ever seen. And, excuse the language, but that is fucking amazing, of each and every single one of us. We're bloody INCREDIBLE, you guys. We really are.

Now, the rules of this challenge dictate that I've got to start with some of my own things, then repeat with the same number of creations by other people. So I'm going to do that, and I apologise for the sheer length (and self-plug-iness) of what is about to follow - but, bloody incredible, remember? I really mean that. 💜💜💜

My Own:

you could call me babe for the weekend - 19k of Spideychelle being oblivious, mutually pining IDIOTS while being snowed in. And, you know, fake dating. (This thing was SO MUCH FUN to write and though, yeah, it got completely out of control, as evidenced by the 19k, I still really love it.)

'tis the damn season - my first attempt at writing a multi-chap, and, yeah, it only has one chapter as of now, but I really love said chapter. Basically, it's Daisy and Mackelena being friends, and honestly just the BEST friends - I adore the style I managed to achieve in this thing. Plus, the Skimmons I have planned up next is going to be da bomb.

the closest thing - Philindaisy plus fake family. Also; amusement parks. And for a fangirl like me - well, it was pretty much a dream come true to write!

oh valley of plenty - in this fic, I basically told myself, so AoS won't give us Huntingbird in the finale? Fine. I'll just do it myself then - in the fluffiest way possible. And that's exactly what I did - making them, and their kids, be best friends in Perthshire.

maybe life should be about more - a very angsty Skimmons and Daisy-centric AU, focusing on the internalised homophobia Daisy has experienced through her life, and shaking it off (and eventually, y'know, getting together with Jemma.)

and it's dark in a cold december (but i've got you to keep me warm) - Fitzsimmons just make such a supreme pairing for hurt/comfort, what with how insanely well they understand each other and care about each other, so I'm really glad for the Fitzsimmons Secret Santa giving me the chance to write this! Basically, this follows our science duo through a stressful mission on Christmas Eve (so yes, it's a mission fic!!) and realising that the two of them can do anything together.

july second - ahhh, one of my personal favourites to write! Daisy birthday surprise fluff will always be top-notch for me, especially for all the team-as-family fluff you can add in, especially especially that this is set in Staticquake times! Also, it's from Hunter's point of view, which will forever be the most insanely fun thing to write, I do think.

i just wanna be with you - man, I'm such a big royal fan, so getting the chance to write a modern royalty AU for my OTP was nothing short of amazing!! This is Princess Daisy and her fiancée Lincoln Campbell at their official engagement interview

see the line where the skye meets the sea - shameless season 1 bby Bus Kids fluff, featuring movie nights, singalongs and... so much fluff your teeth will rot. Also I'm really freaking proud of the pun in the title okay

'cause all that you are is all that i'll ever need - Huntingbird waking up together fluff (because, fight me, Huntingbird in their sweet moments is one of the sweetest things you will ever get to read or write.) This is also my, fluffy, take on the origin of the Franny's Saloon keychain.

we love you, we love you (and we hope you love we too) - aha, my first polyship fic! Also my first try at some actually fancy HTML formatting (forever thanks to Kat for explaining.) Both of these things combined to form a fic that even I think is ridiculously fluffy and funny, and kinda amazing, at that.

and man I don't know where the time goes (but it sure goes fast like that) - Another Bus Kids movie night fic, but this one set post-season 7, and reflecting on how far they've come. A little bit more hurt/comfort-y than it's pure fluff prequel, but still super fluffy and soft. And, of course, with a happy ending.

she shares my dreams, i hope that someday, i'll share her home - snowy Fitzsimmons fluff, complete with them falling in love at the Winter Olympics, as you do.

then you walked in and my heart went boom - 16k of Dekesy for the wife, and remarkable for that, because literally a month ago from this, I hated Dekesy with my entire soul. Then I started reading Kat's fics, and, well, fell in love with them... so much so that I wrote sixteen thousand words of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, bed sharing holiday fluff for them.

a love like that - a Fitzsimmons Cinderella AU, featuring my two favourite science babies, in true science bby style, falling in love over science and how stupid the whole courting thing is. Also, Daisy makes a brief appearance, and she's the freaking best.

ever after - ah, probably the one single fic I'm proudest of. A post-season 7 Daisy character study focusing on her emotional rollercoaster re: losing her family/things never being the same again, which just achieves... an emotional level that I have never managed to replicate again. I was full-on sobbing while writing it, and, guys, it also part-holds the Closest To Making Kat Cry prize.

blue - Daisy character study spanning snapshots of seven seasons, and before - but tied together by something blue in every moment. Researching for this, and finding all the blue moments, was very interesting, and immensely satisfying, especially since all the moments where a little bit of blue was present actually combine to chronicle Daisy's journey on the show remarkably well.

who is that girl I see - the one time I decided to write straight angst, and straight angst with no happy ending. Melinda May post-Bahrain, folks.

take my hand, take my whole life too - aww, the first thing I wrote that I really and truly loved. A Staticquake and Fitzsimmons Actors AU, featuring a proposal on set and INCREDIBLE amounts of fluff and softness.

hold out your hand, 'cause friends will be friends - the wife's favourite, and, as second fics go, pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. It's a Soulmates AU for Staticquake and Mackelena, with the focus being on DaisyMack friendship, and lots of denial, angst, and guilt about finding their soulmates. (They figure it out eventually, don't worry - it's me, of course I made them happy.)

Fitzsimmons + Fake Dating moodboard - Fake dating will always be FAB, and picturing it out in a moodboard - especially for my clueless bby best friends in love - was the best, and super satisfying.

Staticquake + Orange moodboard - One of the cooler ideas I had for Trick or Treat (which I still have not finished, heaven help me) was to make a series of moodboards for my OTP plus different colours. This orange one is just so light, and cheerful, and happy, and honestly I kinda adore it.

This Philindaisy + Family Moodboard - making moodboards can be insanely frustrating when you just can't find the photo that fits exactly right. With this one, however, I found all the pics I needed pretty insanely fast, and, better, the whole thing just worked, and really nicely so, too.

This Bus Kids + Baking Cookies moodboard - there's absolutely NO faults to be found with tiny, adorable Skye, Fitz and Jemma concocting choc chip cookies - but I'm actually doing a tiny cheat here, because, cute as my moodboard here is, the accompanying fic by my love @eowima is the SWEETEST and best thing you could ever wish for!!!

This Daisy Johnson Appreciation Week Photoset - Day 3 of Daisy Johnson Appreciation Week focused on an emotion, and I picked confidence and power, because honestly, it's nothing short of amazing how confident and powerful our gorgeous girl has become.

This Daisy Johnson Appreciation Week Photoset - One of the times I wish I could gif, because this quote about struggling though never giving up just suits Daisy perfectly. The photos I found are cool, though, and I mean, it's Daisy, so that's already absolutely fabulous.

Other People's:

I managed to find twenty-six of my own things that I liked enough to put up there (because, yes, I'm that big a dork, 26 things for me being 26 is the way to go :D) Anyway, now that gives me the amazing chance to spotlight twenty-six of my favourite creations by my FANTASTIC mutuals! 😍

To start, my wife - Kat said I couldn't put everything she's ever written on here, so, ugh, I guess I'll just do my top five then. *grumbling* Everything by Kat is on here in spirit, though!!

Chasing Cars (even after the story ends) by @aleksandrachaev - the epic Dekesy roadtrip AU and incredible Daisy character study itself, which, I do believe, finishes today!! Words aren't enough to describe how freaking AMAZING this thing is, or how spectacularly well characterised. Just: if you haven't read this yet, you are missing out. You will laugh, you will groan, you will want to wrap Daisy in a very tight hug, and you will probably cry, too. This fic just has it all, really!

there goes the maddest man this town has ever seen by @aleksandrachaev - the post-season 7 Deke-crashes-the-Framework-Zoom-call fic I didn't know I needed (but spent the next two weeks rereading every single night.) It is absolutely INCREDIBLE, with all the Deke & Team feels we missed in the final outro scene, and honestly just the most fantastic writing. I cannot recommend it enough!

To Box It Up And Start Again (everything must go) by @aleksandrachaev - bloody hell, this BROKE me. Deke never really got to say goodbye in canon, but Kat gave him the chance to do it here. And, my freaking GOODNESS, she made it so incredibly bittersweet and heart-shattering. 10/10

i am a leaf on the wind by @aleksandrachaev - a little bit of a stretched-out, reflective moment in the season 7 finale. As Daisy lingers on the edge of death, she reflects on all the lives she could have had - and, man, what a study in bittersweetness!! This entire fic is utterly incredible, and something I think all Daisy fans should read.

Falling Into Place by @aleksandrachaev - here's a tiny cheat from me (sorry, babes, lmao) because technically this isn't one fic, but a series of three. Way too amazing to miss out on, though!! Set mid-season 7, this has the Chronicoms go after a young Mary Sue Poots to kill Quake before she can become a problem for them. They stop the Chronicoms, yes, but not without a TREMENDOUS dose of feels and hurt/comfort. There's also a wonderful little dose of Dekesy friendship, and then an adult adoption (!!) that honestly made my entire day to read. Actually, that's true for the entire series - I really canNOT yell about it enough!!

destroyer of worlds by @bobbimorseisbisexual - a study in incredible parallels between Jiaying's daughters. Utterly breathtakingly done, this will give you ALL the feels for this small and complex Inhuman family.

Muscle Memory by @robotgort and @bobbimorseisbisexual - a Huntingbird!! Bones!! AU!! And also a collaboration between two of the most fabulous Huntingbird authors in the fandom - honestly, what more can you ask for?! This will make you laugh, and gasp, and wince, and keep you guessing at each new plot twist (and also screaming at your screen for Hunter and Bobbi to get their acts together and TALK ABOUT IT.) In short: it's completely and utterly amazing, and I cannot, cannot recommend it enough!!

You Belong Among the Wildflowers by @libbyweasley - a freaking incredible Scis & Spies Regency AU! I only just started reading, but I was hooked all the way through, especially on the way Libby writes all four characters' complex relationships (and their attraction, and their history!) Everything about it is just completely stunning, and I for one cannot WAIT for these beautiful idiots to figure out they all belong together.

Family Snapshot by @tomatobookworm - if it's family fluff you're after, especially Staticquake family fluff, look no further! This tremendously soft and utterly amazing fic follows a day in the lives of a pregnant Daisy and her husband Lincoln, and their not-so-little family of Inhumans, both adopted and biological. There's also shopping with Grandma May, lots of feels, lots of shippiness, and just AMAZINGNESS all the way through!!

Best Day Ever by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly - Jemma and Daisy want to adopt a pet, and make a very special trip to Wisconsin to do it. Also, whether he knows who he is or not, Jemma has an important question to ask Cal - and just, AHHHH, everything about this is utterly stunning! For starters, Aubrey's writing is FANTASTIC, and the scene she sets is absolutely beautiful, and so very bittersweet. I was actually misting up a little with happy tears towards the end of this - really, I cannot recommend this enough, to any Skimmons fan.

so why don't we go somewhere only we know by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly - more Skimmons (platonic this time, though), more hurt/comfort, and, yes, again, more absolutely INCREDIBLE writing. This one is canon compliant, following a shaken Jemma struggling to sleep after Maveth, and how Daisy finds a way to help her out. Incredibly sweet, tender and BEAUTIFULLY written, this one was an instant favourite the moment I read it!

Unspoken by @anxiouslynumbme - a birthday fic for yours truly, and, honestly, one of the most STUNNING Staticquake introspectives I've read. It follows Daisy and Lincoln in a beautifully tender missing moment in season 3, with them both realising their feelings, and just... AHHHHHHHH, everything about it is utterly incredible!! I cannot, cannot recommend this gem of a fic enough

the thing about water droplets and ruffled hair by @que-mint-tea - here's another fic that proves, once and for all, how good Kat's Dekesy is, because it managed to convert T to write some Dekesy smut. And, oh my GOSH, what Dekesy smut - so goshdarn angsty, but so FANTASTICALLY characterised and written that it leaves you more than a little breathless, and gaping at your screen. The first chapter initially left us on the most HORRIFIC cliffhanger, but then T fixed it, and it's just... this thing is really a whole new level of emotional writing, raw and gripping and intensely perfect for both of these characters. My haw still drops whenever I think of this thing, and how utterly AMAZING it was, so yeah. Fic rec!!!

beautiful stranger, there you are by @justanalto - I do believe I still owe Serena a long and very gushy comment on this thing, because, MAN, does it ever deserve that!! Pipsy and fake dating, with the most HILARIOUSLY incredible writing, plot and characterisation, and honestly just a giddy "askhdfkhsfh" whenever I think back to how much I enjoyed it. Yup, it was that good.

Jumping to conclusions by @eowima - a very special one, because it marks my love Océane's first venture into writing AoS fic! It's an AU of 1x06 (the Fitzsimmons episode of s1) where Fitz does actually jump out of the plane to save Jemma. Realisations of feelings, and some of the most genuinely FANTASTIC Fitz characterisation I've read in a while, follow - and, yup, I was shouting at my screen for them just to get together already. Amazing stuff, really!!

Look into your eyes and the sky's the limit by @eowima - okay, this. This. Another gift for me, and one that I will probably treasure forEVER, because it is just?? so?? utterly?? perfect?? Just for starters, the title is a Hamilton reference - and then the theme of Hamilton references continues into the fic itself, I'm delighted to say. There's also the most BEAUTIFUL, playful Skimmons friendship, and teasing, and then of course the bet about who can make out with their crush first... Staticquake & Fitzsimmons perfection. And all rendered in Océane's delightful, best-thing-ever-to-read writing!! I'm going into a giddy keyboard smash just THINKING about this, so yeah, cannot recommend it enough.

lullabies and clear blue skies by @springmagpies and @bobbimorseisbisexual - okay, I never thought I'd catch myself shipping FitzBobbi, let alone shipping it this hard, but... wow. Maggie and Al teamed up to completely blow me away, and MELT MY WHOLE ENTIRE HEART with the sheer cuteness of this!! It features Fitz, Bobbi and adopting two daughters, and it's just the most tender, beautiful development through that little family - I love it so, so much.

We made all the wrong choices by @browneyedgenius - the winner of the AoS Angst War 2020, how could I not include this one? It is such a well-deserved win, though, whoa - I was sobbing, full-on sobbing, at least twice while reading. It follows the season 5 team through the events of the time-loop, after they failed to save the world - and, oh my gosh, it ripped my heart right out of my chest, but beautifully so. Everything about this fic just hits so hard, and it's written so well - yeah, really a most AMAZINGLY deserved win, for an utterly SHATTERINGLY incredible fic.

I threw stones at the stars (but the whole sky fell) by @nazezdha321 - this is Z showing us all how to write a backstory for a minor character, and write it so well that everyone's hearts break all over again when she dies. This one is about Victoria Hand, and it builds a stirring and profound childhood for her, also making her rise through the ranks of SHIELD and just her entire character mean so much more. Really, fic-wise, this is goals, and I take my hat off to you, Z, 1000%, for writing it.

in which the universe is put together by @besidemethewholedamntime - Rebecca's emotional writing, particularly Fitzsimmons' emotions, is incomparable, and she proves it all over again in this fic. If follows Fitz and Jemma before, after and during the bloodwork, and I just... wow, honestly. The emotion!! And the characterisation!! Absolutely stunning, and honestly all I could wish for in a we-had-time fic.

Agents of SHIELD Season 8 by @egumal - THIS. This, this, this, oh my gosh - as fix-it fics go, this has to be the most spectacular one I have ever read. What it does is find a way - a potentially canon compliant way, too - to bring back Lincoln Campbell, and reunite Staticquake. Basically: just about as season 7 finishes, the Astro Ambassadors get an unexpected visitor from another timeline, who asks them to come help out against Hive. Case in point, Daisy meets her lost love again (... but he has no idea who she is) and also has to relive the Fallen Agent drama. It all gets even more complicated when Kora restores Lincoln's memories, and Daisy meets the full team Deke has assembled around him in the 33 years (for him) that they've been apart... in short, this is one of the most thorough, well-written and downright SHOCKING plot-twist-wise fics that you will ever read, and honestly, saying "I can't recommend it enough" is an understatement. This thing is thd BEST, plain and simple!

Black Roses aren't real (but you and I are) by @ohwriteiforgot - ahhhh, a fic that will always have an incredibly special place in my heart, because it introduced me to one of my best fandom friends. The main focus is on Clintasha, it's true, but it's also a crossover with AoS in the sense that Clint was adopted by Coulson and May. Also, Daisy is his little sister, and their bond is gold. Also - there's Staticquake!! And flower shops!! And rivals to friends to lovers!! All I'm going to say is, what more can you ask for?!

A book to shield my story by @maybebrilliant - Staticquake High School AU, ahhhhhhhh!! There are only two chapters out so far, but the way this is shaping up is making my DAY - with Daisy as the new girl who meets Lincoln and his group of friends, and, though her foster parents are absolutely shit, starts to find actual happiness in a school for the first time in her life. Also - THE REFERENCES. Guys. I'm crazy for those, and in this book, so are my favourite dorks, Daisy and Lincoln - and let me tell you, it's nothing short of the best thing ever.

This AoS Finale Gif Edit by @heysteverogers - AoS really has been the most INCREDIBLE journey through the years, but what's really made it special is the company - and that's summed up perfectly in this gorgeous gifset. Also, the graphics on this are just, ahhhh, stunning - I'm in awe, and I've spent very long periods of time just looking at this thing in a state of heart-eyes.

This AoS Finale Gif Edit by @jemannesimms - combining Auld Lang Syne and the final scenes of my favourite show was a raw emotional - but utterly brilliant experience - for me. It's just so absolutely beautiful, and perfectly suited to the team, and their goodbyes!! Breathtaking editing work here, too.

This Daisy as Peter Parker and May as Tony Stark moodboard by @agentsofcomedyandchaos - ahhhh, a crossover of two of my favourite fandoms!! And what a lovely one, too - the colour scheme, quotes, and just the whole FEEL of this is absolutely genius, and I am guilty of being inspired by way too many fic ideas by it. Stunning stuff!!

And... whoa, that was long, but I really do feel that we deserve a bit of a proper pat on the back after creating such magical content in such a messed up year. So that's the note I'm going to leave you with for 2020, my friends: hell-year or no, look at the absolute beauty we were still able to create!! We really are freaking amazing, guys.

[wolferals]

te quiero

Arón Piper imagine

*

(the spanish in this was all google translate so please dont judge me, yet you‘re welcome to correct me)

"Okay chicos y chica, vamos!" Arón yelled and came down the stairs, smiling happily. "Wait where are you going?" I asked confused while sitting on the sofa doing a project for uni for Monday as we needed the weekend for filming. "The club we talked about? Éstas listo?" The others were still upstairs, so I was alone with Arón in our apartment in Madrid where we just moved in after starting season 3 of Élite. Luke (a good friend and also an actor) had even been so nice and had enrolled me at uni in Madrid so I could continue my studies. I thought it was better that way, too.

"Arón I cant. I really need to do this right now." He came up to me, pulled me off the sofa and said: "Listen, y/n, its Friday, we're all in a good mood and we wanna celebrate. Dont be as boring as always." I ripped my arm free and asked in horror: "Youre kidding right? I am boring cause my education is more important to me than partying? No I'm not coming!"

He gave me a slightly pissed off look and said with a sharp tone: "Okay then. Stay here all by yourself, do your shitand be bored and we all go and celebrate." I opened my mouth being super pissed and looked at him.

" I dont know how to do this anymore." he shouted and distanced himself more and more from me.

"What?" I asked confusedly and looked him in the eyes. "Answer me one question. How are you part of this group? You´re in the show with us, thats it. We dont even know you, cause you always have something better to do than hanging out with us. When we're here together you're always in your room, alone! Do you wanna do this? Do you really wanna be part of this? Because I think we'd be better off without you!"

I kept looking at him and was just speechless. He had yelled at me for the first time. And he wanted me out. He had always been a little bit decisive, but I had never seen him so angry before. At that moment, when I was about to fall to the ground to cry, the others stormed down the stairs.

"Hey Que pasa?" Miguel asked and probably saw my pale face. "She's not gonna come with us. She got better to do." Arón yelled. The others also looked shocked to see him so aggressive, so they just stood there and watched him kill me (basically)

"You know what? Pack your things, we dont need you anymore. I'm done with you. We´ve always been better without you. Vete a la mierda!"

The last sentence killed me.

I ran past the other ones and Arón and ran as fast as I could to the roof terrace because they would never find me there anyway. Up there I sat down onto the ground and started to cry. I let everything out because I knew that nobody would hear me anyway.

It felt like that for an hour until I calmed down and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. 4 missed calls from Miguel, 2 from Itzan and 7 from Omar.

Also some texts. "WHERE ARE YOU? PLEASE DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID!" ~ Omar.

"Come here y/n, we talk about everything." ~Miguel. And also by Miguel: "Arón is an asshole. He's gone."

I wiped away my tears and finally pulled my headphones out of my other pocket.

I just listened to music and lay on my back looking at the stars.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up it was the middle of the night and the moon, which was still covered by clouds earlier, shone bright in my face.

I sat down upright, turned off the music and finally got up to go somewhere else, because it got super cold up there, and I was wearing only a crop top and sweatpants.

So I walked down to the lobby, hoping I could just talk to someone who wasn't Arón or Omar or anyone else. When I turned around the corner I saw Arón sitting at the bar, his cocktail in front of him and he seemed to be down as well.

But I immediately turned around and walked out of the hotel, whereupon I was wandering around Madrid being completely alone, freezing and tired.

The city itself was beautiful, brightly lit everywhere and there were still lots of people on the streets, but I just felt incredibly alone and sad.

At some point I sat down on a bench and just thought about everything while I was probably already freezing with blue lips and trembling thoughts.

The later it got, the less people staggered around and the later it got, the more tired I got.

It was around 1:30 and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go in there anymore. And I never wanted to see Arón again. I had sworn to myself that I would never let a guy break my heart! But that had happened! And of course the project wasn't the reason why I wouldn't have gone with them. Arón was the reason. I loved him. More than anything; more than acting. And I got nervous when I was close to him. But of course I was way too shy to tell him....

About half an hour later I was still cold and I wished for nothing more than to be able to cry on someone's shoulder.

When I was about to fall asleep on the park bench, I felt something being put around my shoulders. I opened my eyes slightly and saw Arón standing in front of me.

He had given me his jacket and held a starbucks cup out to me. I took it without hesitation and warmed my hands to it. Thereupon he sat down beside me in silence. Suddenly it just bubbled out of him:" I really dont know what got in my mind. I'm a dick and I know it. I fucked it up. I'm a terrible person. I hurt you so much and I didnt even mean what I've said. I want you here, i want you in our group, we all want you here, and I want you here with me. God I was just mad that you always blocked and I just wanted to spend time with you alone y/n. Thats the reason why I freaked out. This night should have been special! Maybe this sounds weird but tonight I just wanted to do it and finally kiss you, cause you mean so fucking much to me. But when you said no, my whole world was upside down, cause I cant hold it anymore. I need to kiss you or I explode. I only acted like an idiot cause you mean so much to me, puta.“

I looked deep into his eyes and breathed deeply. "And before you say anything, let me take you inside. Tienes frio." He pulled me by my hand, held me by the waist and we walked back to the hotel.

"Arón hold up" I said and stopped. I put the cup behind me on a bench and walked closer to him. "And before you say anything more... I'm okay, now. Now I know whats going on. And I'm happy you said all that stuff. I forgive you. And the reason why I never came with you was, that Im always nervous when I see you or when you talk to me... Lets forget about that... Its better for both of us."

He nodded, came closer and took my hands in his. "I like you. A lot...." he finally whispered and leaned his forehead against mine.

"You´re incredible.“

I smiled up to him and thats the moment i realised what this boy means to me.

"Te quiero."

[strayneoculturekids]

Blind Date  Chenle x Reader

Summary: your friend sets you up on a blind date with the one person you hate most, but once you two start talking, you realize, he’s actually quite sweet...and really attractive

Genre: fluff, crack (?)

Highschool AU

you disliked chenle to say the very least

like

really disliked chenle

you two had most of your classes together and he was always so freaking loud

so you can imagine that when your friend set you up on a blind date with him that you were not very happy about it

you hadn’t even agreed to a blind date

she knew that you weren’t interested in dating during high school

but noooo

of course, she had to go and set you up with the one most annoying and loud person ever

you were pretty sure your hearing had gotten 100x worse since when you first laid your eyes on him

your friend just invited you out for coffee and you were like sure why not I've got nothing else to do

so the weekend comes around and you get dressed and go to the coffee shop your friend said she would meet you

but instead of your friend

you see chenle

obviously, you think this was just coincidence bc you had no idea about your involuntary blind date

so you instantly hide and call your friend

“we gotta go to a different place, that loud annoying kid from our school is here”

“Yeah, I know”

“You know? what do you mean you know?”

“I set you up on a blind date with him”

“You did what?” you said, through gritted teeth

“c’mon, go in. Wouldn’t wanna see him sad and lonely alone”

and with that, she hung up

you were seething

how the hell could she do this to you?

there was no way you were going to go sit at that table with him

he was way too loud and annoying

you looked back to him, seeing him curiously look around and check the time

but you totally didn’t care

you didn’t think he looked cute with his little pout and puppy-like expression

ofc not

why would you think that?

he was still annoying as hell and there was no frickin way you were gonna go sit at the table with him

so you did the logical thing and went to go sit at the table with him

you told yourself it was out of guilt and that you just felt sorry for him

but everyone else would’ve known differently if they saw the little barely noticeable blush that spread across your cheeks while watching him

you got to the table and his face kinda just lit up

like he didn’t start smiling enormously

but he did get a little smile and you could practically see the brightness radiating from him

and your heart was like !!!!

bc you had never been this close to chenle

you always made it a rule to stay at least 3 metres away from him

but looking at him this close

he was actually like,,,,, so good looking

and you just,,,, wow

like you stood there for a while, barely noticing when he did a small wave and asked if you were his date

you snapped back to reality and nodded, taking a seat

you couldn’t tell but chenle was actually freaking out

bc he had a crush on you for the longest time

but you always seemed to avoid him and that made him really sad

he asked your friend and she told him that it was because you thought he was too loud

so he made it his goal to not raise his voice at all during the whole date

trust me, he definitely had his doubts about himself

especially since the most beautiful person ever was sitting in front of him

but anyways

you guys started talking

and at first, it was pretty awkward bc during your conversation, you realized how much of a sweetheart chenle actually rlly was

and you felt so bad for judging him and thinking he was annoying;;;;;;

but eventually, the waiter came and took your guys’ order

and turns out you and chenle order the same thing whenever you go to a coffee shop

so you were both like

!!!!

something to talk about!!!

so you talked abt that for a little bit which then moved onto you guys talking about your interests in general

and the whole conversation was just,,,

wow

he was actually so sincere and nice

you felt so bad;;;

eventually, you both had to leave

but you guys spent like 5 hours there

bc you just loved each other's company so much

and chenle screamed like 7 times which definitely made other people in the coffee shop turn and look at the both of you

but you didn’t even care

bc wow he was just so incredibly nice and you were definitely in love

the weekend finished way too quickly

and ofc just like anyone else, you weren’t that happy to be back after two days of freedom

but when you saw chenle your bad mood instantly left

and you practically ran up to him

and he just got the biggest smile on his face when he saw you

you guys were walking next to each other which obviously made everyone’s jaw drop

bc they were pretty sure they had never even seen chenle and you in the same room before aside from class

and then what shocked everyone else even more

you started holding hands

!!!!!

and everyone was just so surprised

you and chenle had extremely visible blushes on your cheeks

and all too soon you and chenle had to part

your friend came up to you and started wiggling her eyebrows

“I’m guessing the date went well”

which resulted in a punch on her arm

but you knew she was right and you couldn’t be more thankful

BONUS

“wait! You used to hate me?!?!” chenle shouted, looking slightly hurt

You nodded and hugged him, laughing slightly

“I know, I know. You were just so loud”

He pouted but hugged you back nonetheless

“all that matters is that I love you now” you reassured

He nodded, still pouting but accepting your answer anyways. He never really had lost his puppy-like charm

[penguinrecovery96]

*trigger warning* BPD SEVERELY FUCKED ME OVER TODAY!!!!

I didn't sleep at all last night. I actually feel like I have been awake for days. Most of it was anxiety surrounding my appointment with N because of how shit I have been. I was just properly up from about 6am also struggling with acid reflux (is this a common thing in eating disorders????)

I ended up self harming. I tried to distract myself with puzzles and also by watching two points of lager on iPlayer. It helped a little. N turned up at 11:06 when I thought it was 11:30 so she massively caught me off guard and I didn't know what was going to happen. My arm was still bleeding. I hadn't prepared so I massively failed at lying to her. Today's appointment should have gone somewhat simply. We would have discussed the potential of getting a job and then just the usual stuff. Instead things escalated to discussions about family dynamics, death and trauma. I also had to discuss the fact that these intrusive images are coming back and how it effected me over new year's. You can guess that all of this lead to me completely disconnecting and getting a very difficult image/flashback.

I made the decision because of my arm to talk about self harm. She left that in my hands. This escalated to conversations surrounding risk (conjoined with everything). This is where things get bad and I know it should have been fucking simple but just know that my bpd took me and everyone around me for a fucking ride today. I'm in no dissilusion that I was in the wrong. N got me an assessment with this crisis place and I freaked out during it. It's a big step. It's like a mini admission. I then started completely pushing everything back and N was not happy with me. She called bullshit on what I was saying and suggesting we do. She told me straight what would happen but my fear levels were beyond 100. I know I've put her in an awful position. And I am so incredibly grateful for this woman and the support that she gives me. She does care. Many haven't. Well anyway she stopped responding to me and said she would call me on Monday and walked out of my house closing the door between us.

My little bpd brain freaked the fuck out and I thought abandonment and also knew I had fucked things up, should have gone ahead with the all the things we spoke about, and also I was terrified about the prospect of the weekend and how I was meant to deal with it. How was I going to cope when I had pushed away my one support network. How was I going to cope with all this emotion and turmoil.

Thankfully I managed to text with N straight after. She was just trying to reassure me to stick with it. I told her I was sorry and explained that I am just scared. I had to tell her that in the midst of the build up of stress I had overdosed ( but I had purged so I knew I would be okay). N called an ambulance. I didn't want her to because I find being at a&e really difficult. The paramedics were lovely thankfully. Both female. I tend to get all male crews. We ended up talking about toy story and Disney mostly.

At a&e I had all the one done, 2x blood tests and an ECG. There is a receptionist there and she barged in and was like "what's going on!" I literally love her she is so freaking lovely and supportive and genuine. She stayed with me as much as possible. I always feel like I let her down when I am there. Someone else I feel this way to is a mental health nurse called Barry. He is so down to earth and will have a laugh but also tell you as it is. I kinda died a little inside when I saw him cause I had only seen him on Sunday. he got me to ring Nicola to ring him so I had to do that. I was so anxious at first but N seemed to be just like she always is. She just doesn't want me locked in a cycle. I don't want that either but it's difficult to see anything but a major crisis on the horizon and I feel unable to manage or sustain anything. She said the meds I had requested wouldn't be given to me because of the overdose. I don't know if they were going to give me sleeping pills too (probs not if I'm honest). We briefly discussed HTT but said I would discuss it with MHLT later on.

I met some lovely nurses who told me their stories and listened to mine. Made me laugh when I wanted to cry and I am genuinely so grateful for them tonight!

I was put in a room in one of those hospital nighties so I was convinced that I wasn't going anywhere tonight. I was then transferred somewhere else in a&e and pretty much left. I had been fighting the anxiety but I couldn't handle everything and I ended up self harming for about 15/20 mins before someone noticed my door was shut. I was then restrained by about 6-8 people. The lead consultant actually told a load of them to go. I managed to still cut with them on me. They started bandaging my arm so I couldn't get to it and then also trying to get the blade from my hand which took 3 people. They got it. They started saying they would read my notes and that if I didn't calm down they would have to give me a sedative ( I know they probably would have chosen haleperidol which does fuck all to me). There was one nurse in that room who he just held my hands and squose them. He told me that I was alright and everything would be alright. He cleaned my hands and then he held them more. He just made me feel safe. He tried to make me smile and he would keep bobbing in to see me as I had been moved to a more "observable bay". I don't think that it was really but ok.

I saw someone else from mhlt, not gonna lie I wish it had been Barry but oh well. She was alright but it was more matter of fact at first, not about what had it was happening but the coming days. I have to see HTT tomorrow. I have an appointment with them which does scare me because things went so badly before with them but N and Barry both wanted me to access it and so I agreed. I know that I will be seeing N and HTT on Monday most likely for a joint session. Fuck that's gonna be balls!!! I don't have any meds until Sunday probably because I've ran out of meds and they probably won't supply me with anything until Sunday or even next week. I want to see Maddie or Liz who I saw last time but I don't know if they still work there. I don't know why I particularly want to see them when shit went so badly once my care was in their hands. I am trying to be positive about it all. I know risks are increasing and at the first sign it isn't working I'm opting out because I cannot have a repeat of the summer.

I am so glad that they let me go home. Unfortunately I was not allowed to do that fully independently because the hospital paid for a taxi but they made sure I got home safe and it was free so.

I don't know how I would have coped with being in overnight. I did fear after the self harming at the hospital after overdosing and self harming that I was going to be sectioned or at least put on a 5(2). Thank fuck I bypassed that one. Had stitches and steri strips and patched up. Blood work normal. I'm not sure what the ECG results were. I'm just glad it's over.

...oh and I got a new diagnosis or anaemia which shocked me so much!

Like I said I have no cardiology knowledge so I don't know if that is abnormal or not

[raisingsupergirl]

What First-Day Jitters Mean to a Working Daddy in 2020

My oldest daughter's first day of kindergarten came and went. My wife had been planning on it for what seemed like months. A new Amazon box showed up at my front door every day. Crayons. Markers. Shoes and shirts and face masks, oh my. I didn't bother rooting through most of it because it was clear that my better half had the situation covered. Unfortunately, this also meant that I wasn't as involved in this momentous milestone as I should have been. I had plenty of excuses, but none of them buried my lingering guilt… and maybe a little jealousy.

It's safe to say that I don't understand girls—especially moms. And ESPECIALLY stay-at-home moms. Alaina (my wife) had a pretty hard time when Avery (my oldest child) started pre-K (the first AND second times). She felt like she was losing a third of her girls' club. Avery was her confidant, her buddy, her BFF. And with her gone for just a few hours per day, Alaina wasn't sure how things would go. Even more so since she's an extreme creature of habit. Of course, it was fine. Alaina adjusted. Avery adjusted. And Annabel (the younger sister) adjusted. All was well in the world again for a couple of years. But then came the inevitable—the looming shadow of kindergarten. The full day. And neither social unrest nor COVID nor Mommy's mounting anxiety could turn back the tide. And I would have loved to help. Really I would have. But… I had a lot of work to do.

If you haven't figured it out yet, "a lot of work to do" is code for, "Those emotions you've got going on there… Yeah… I have no clue how to even… I've… got a lot of work to do." It's not that I don't care. I really do. In our house, the phrase, "If Mommy's not happy, nobody's happy," couldn't be truer. Not because Mommy takes her wrath out on everyone else (not entirely, anyway), but because I tend to see her happiness as a reflection of how I'm performing. That's not to say I'm a great husband. I'm incredibly mediocre, in fact. But my wife is forgiving of most of my shortcomings, so when she is feeling down about something, I really feel like I've failed. Even when it's not directly my fault. That's because I'm a fixer. Not literally, of course (I hate home repair, which is one of my shortcomings). But if I see someone with a problem, I get frustrated when that person complains about said problem but doesn't do anything to fix it. If that person needs help fixing it (actually needs help, not just doesn't want to fix it themselves), I’m quick to lend a hand. The exception comes when I don't know how to fix it. Which is generally the case when my wife (or daughters) is processing emotions regarding some life event that's ultimately beneficial or otherwise unavoidable. I just don't get it. And when I don't get it, I get frustrated. And when I'm frustrated, I fall back on things I do know how to do. Hence, "I've got a lot of work to do."

Thankfully, I'm not an absent father. One of the things I know how to do is spend time with my family. Movie nights and walks and fire pits and play dates are some of my favorite things, even if excessive emotions aren't. So I did stay up with Avery as she cried her eyes out the night before her first day of school, even if I wasn't of any obvious help to her. I did get a first-day-of-school picture with her. I did ask her how her first day was. And I did spend a fun-filled family weekend with her after she finished her first week. Unfortunately, as I said earlier, none of those things took away the measure of guilt I had for not being more involved in the emotional weeks leading up to the big change. Nor did they take away the more irrational emotion of envy I had for my wife's anxiety.

You see, on some strange level, I was jealous that Alaina was dreading Avery's first day. I was jealous of how close their bond was, which was a direct result of how much time they had spent together up until that point since Alaina is a stay-at-home mom. It's a Catch-22 that I struggle with a lot—there's no way I could do Alaina's job of caring for our kids 24-7, but from the outside looking in, I battle frustration every time I have to leave for work. And so, in some strange way, I was also jealous of Alaina's fear and dread. Pretty messed up, huh?

Then again, I guess nothing is too strange for 2020. I mean, I couldn’t even see Avery's glowing smile in her first-day pics because it was covered up with a solemn, black mask. If irrational emotions really freak me out as much as I've claimed, this year is definitely not for me. If you've followed me for long, you already know that I tried really hard for a while to fix things. I shared rational arguments and actionable solutions, but after a few months of getting nothing but frustrated responses and overly aggressive pushback, I threw in the towel. Now, I stick with mostly personal anecdotes and optimistic topics. It's not quite my blogger version of, "I've got a lot of work to do," but it's in the same ballpark. Sure, I sneak in a debatable topic from time to time, but mostly I've tried to keep it light. Which might be exactly what this country could use from me (and others) right now. And… it's probably also what my wife (and daughters) needed from me leading up to that dreaded first day.

In short, I'm learning that "fixing" a situation doesn't always have to be so literal. "Fixing" my wife's anxiety may have been exactly what I was doing when I kept things light. She knew the situation. She knew her emotions were valid and that they would pass soon enough. So why did I imagine that it was my responsibility to be her psychologist? And why did I feel like a failure when I didn't fulfill that responsibility? And why didn't I realize that every time I offered a smile or a hug or a meal, I was actually offering a pleasant distraction—an opportunity for relief and healing? Especially in 2020 when we're living week to week, wondering when COVID-19 will bring Avery's first year of school to an abrupt end.

Our country does need answers. We do need solutions and actionable steps. But maybe we don't need it from every single person. Maybe it's beneficial for some (most?) of us to just offer relief. Maybe if we're all present, respectful, and compassionate, we'll break down barriers and allow for real healing when the opportunity presents itself. Anyway, it seemed to work for my family. But what do I know? I'm basically just making it all up as I go. Which I guess puts me in good company.