#anyways i'm 17 hours in and i think i'm finishing up what could be considered act one of the game

[arendaes]

Few things:

Osana decided to test the beliefs she'd been brought up on in the ultimate way - by deciding that maybe punitive justice isn't the answer to everything.

Despite what I said the other day...Kai's growing on me. In THAT way. 🫣

[cyberstrm]

hello! i’m so happy your requests are open again :) could i please request a james wilson x younger!reader where reader works at the hospital (maybe on house’s team) and there’s a lot of sexual tension? you can include some smut or anything else you’d like, im totally okay with anything! thank you <3

cola

dr james wilson x gn!younger!reader

17+, minors dni!!!! mild/moderate nsfw ahead

a/n: i was SO hoping someone would request james wilson so TJANK YOU !!! i had so much fun writing this. i hope you enjoy, love!!! this fic is v inspired by cola by lana del ray !! <3

"...and l/n...you go to the oncology department and see what you can find that relates to these symptoms." house concluded, finishing giving out orders as he slumped into his office chair. cameron, chase and foreman all made eyes at each other, you, then at house.

"what?" you asked innocently. the four of them said nothing for a moment, before house spoke up.

"i think a certain oncologist will be...excited to see you."

you rolled your eyes and gathered your notes. "you four are children, which is saying something considering i'm the youngest."

you left the room, ignoring the snickering behind you. you made your way downstairs, trying to ignore what house had said.

it had started a few weeks ago when dr wilson came to see house for an innocent enough reason, but when he saw you, he immediately became flustered and couldn't stand still. house picked up on it immediately and as soon as wilson had left, the four of your colleagues had teased you relentlessly for 'turning dr wilson on'.

you entered the oncology lab, closing the door softly behind you. you made for the computer, but someone stepped in front of you as you stepped forward, causing you to bump into them and drop your files.

"ah, sorry, i-" it was dr wilson. when his eyes met yours, he stammered over his words. "l/n...hi, sorry, i wasn't looking where i was going'"

the two of you bent down to pick up your things, and as you reached for your notebook, so did he, and your fingertips touched gently. you pulled away, embarrassed, and allowed him to scoop your belongings up before handing them back to you.

"thank you, dr wilson." you replied, looking up at the older man. something in his face changed as you said this, it was as if you calling him 'dr wilson' meant a great deal to him.

"yes, well, anyway. i should..." he mumbled, pointing in the vague direction of the opposite side of the room. you chuckled and nodded, before stepping away and towards the computer.

you began to research, enjoying the sounds of dr wilson pottering around the room behind you. about half an hour later, with no luck on developing theories for the case, you decided to get a drink. you stood up and smoothed down your clothes, before heading for the door.

"dr wilson?" you called, and he appeared from behind a bookshelf. his eyes flickered across your body, taking you in. you smiled.

"yes?" he asked.

"do you want anything from the vending machine?"

"no, thank you." he replied, looking away, like a kid who'd been caught staring. you swung open the door and headed to the vending machine.

you had to admit, there was something about dr wilson that you were really drawn too. he was sweet, gentle, and definitely good looking. you sort of hoped that house was right, that dr wilson was attracted to you, but you were also aware of the...legal issues that may cause. but you didn't really care, all you knew for sure was that an attraction to dr wilson was certainly forming.

after collecting a can of coke from the machine, you headed back to the oncology department. you opened the door and sat back at the computer, opening the can as quietly as possible as to not disturb dr wilson. you sipped it cautiously, continuing your research.

you hadn't heard any footsteps approach you, so when you felt a presence behind you, you tensed. the presence hovered, before two hands appeared beside the keyboard, and it appeared that whoever it was was leaning over you, their breath on your neck. you didn't need the voice of the presence to confirm your suspicions, you already knew perfectly well who it was since there was only one other person in the room.

"you know," dr wilson began, his voice controlled and slightly stern. "you really shouldn't be drinking soda in here."

you shivered at his tone. "i know, doctor wilson, but i..."

dr wilson chuckled, lowering his head so it hovered at your shoulder, his mouth was inches from your ear.

"you know you don't have to call me dr wilson, right? my name is james."

"do you not like me calling you that, dr wilson?" you asked with feigned innocence in your honeyed tone, a smirk tugging at your lips.

"it's...quite the opposite, l/n. if you keep calling me that, i won't have any choice but to..."

"to what, doctor wilson?"

dr wilson removed his arms from beside you and stood up behind you, but didn't leave.

"turn around."

"why-"

"turn. around."

you obeyed and swivelled your desk chair. you avoided his gaze, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. dr wilson lazily lifted his hand and gripped your jaw, lifting your head and making you stand up, forcing you to meet his eyes. you batted your lashes sweetly.

he leant forward, seemingly unable to help himself any longer. he pressed his lips to yours, his hand still on your jaw, the other pulling you closer by your waist. he kissed you deeply, before biting down on your lower lip, making you whine.

"b-be gentle with me, dr wilson," you whimpered against his lips, and he groaned, enjoying your innocence and deepening the kiss. you soon pulled away, and the two of you stood motionless, panting.

"i-i should get back to work..." you muttered, feeling fuzzy. dr wilson chuckled.

"here," he said, stepping forward and past you and sat on the swivel chair you previously occupied. he patted his lap. "you can work from here."

you felt your face warm, but turned around and sat down on his lap, facing the computer. his hands held your hips, his thumbs stroking your clothed skin. "you're so obedient." he mumbled in praise. you sighed shakily, before moving your hips in a circular motion ever so slightly, creating friction. dr wilson groaned quietly, his hands pushing you further onto him.

you kept going, grinding into his lap, enjoying his moans and gasps, but also enjoying the friction yourself.

"i wish i could..." dr wilson tried to speak, but it dissolved into nothing.

"you wish what, dr wilson?" you breathed, arching your back inwards in pleasure.

"i wish i could fuck you here and now." he whispered, his hands slithering under your top and roaming up your bare torso, pulling you against him. you moaned, wishing the same, before a noise made both you and dr wilson freeze.

the door had opened into the department.

"wilson? l/n? where are-" cameron's voice filled the silence. she appeared from behind a bookshelf, and stared at the two of you, dumbstruck.

"um....we worked out what was wrong with the patient, so...." she explained, looking anywhere but at the two of you.

"o-okay, thanks." you replied, mortified.

"don't tell house," you and dr wilson said at the exact same time. cameron chuckled exasperatedly.

"your secret's safe with me." she turned and walked out of the room. as the door clicked close, you began to laugh. you allowed dr wilson to push the chair back and you stood up, and he followed suit.

"so do you um..." he began, back to his chivalrous, slightly awkward, doctor-y self. "wanna grab dinner tonight?"

you giggled, and stood on your tip toes to peck his lips. "i'd love nothing more, dr wilson."

[mbrainspaz]

been at the lake for 2 hours and my conservative gay uncle is already back on that capitalist bullshit. I appreciate his intention was to help me brainstorm ways to navigate my latest job/living crisis (in which the rich people are once again f*cking me over for doing the best at my job it's possible to do) but he strayed off the mark when he said 'there are jobs you could do for more money' and I said, 'oh? Do tell. I'll take one.' And of course he can't name any jobs paying a livable entry level wage. We'd just been talking about how all the jobs I've interviewed for in my field have been offering $17 max.

But okay—I'll do anything. I don't care what I have to do for 8-10 hours a day anymore as long as it pays enough to live (and isn't causing harm to others). He essentially goes, 'but an advantage of your current job is that it's fun.' Bruuuuuuh. I don't think there are many jobs outside of farm & ranch that pay so little for so much back breaking work. Probably mining. Some construction jobs. I heard railway inspectors have to walk about as much as I do, but I'm pretty sure they make more.

But you know there's no way I'm ever going to convince my corporate CEO uncle that what I do on the daily is one of the most grueling jobs on the planet because it's horsies, right? It's fuuuun. omg so fun. I love shoveling 3 tons of manure daily in 120 degree summers. I love dumping carrying dozens of 100 pound buckets because our equipment broke down again. I love walking 12 miles while getting eaten alive by mosquitos. I love trudging through rivers in lightning storms in the middle of the night. I love casually risking life and limb to calm a panicking horse.

I mean, I do kinda love it, but not because it's 'fun' or 'easy.' I love it because it's metal. I could probably make more as a barista if there were a coffee shop that'd give me enough hours, which apparently there isn't because lots of my friends have tried that already and they're just as broke as I am.

I tried to tell my uncle the only friends I have who're making a living are the ones who inherited either a house or a job from their company owning dad. He mentioned 'working my way up' in a company and I nearly fell off the bar chair laughing. Dude I'm litterally in the process of getting punished by corporate for doing The Most And Best Work at my job for two years.

Then he had to top it off by telling me my comic is a hobby and if it's costing me money I can't afford to do it and should just quit.

Oh like... my passion project? The main thing that's given me the will to keep living through most of the last 7 years? That comic? For f*ck's sake man.

He wasn't even done there! He decided to go for the jackpot of Bad Life Advice with, "well you should consider getting rid of your dogs then."

"The dogs I've had for almost 10 years that also give me the will to live and have been my best friends and companions through it all?"

"You can make new friends."

Anyway, I'm chilling in my hideout in the attic now and I'll probably be here for most of the next 4 days. Gonna try to finish one more page of my comic before the year is over and my life fully goes back to broke hobo mode.

[kimmysurveyblog]

34

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? The only "exciting" thing I've done so far today is take my daughter to the park. Very typical.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hours sleep do you consider a decent amount?  I actually slept like absolute shit lol. 4 hours maybe? I aim for at least 7.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves?  Reactive dogs. Dogs that chill in their yard or house and bark like crazy when you walk by. I've never had a dog that's reactive like that and it just really grinds my gears every time it happens.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together?  None of my friends live in my city anymore sooo... the dentist.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall?  Cold.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful?  Waterproof what? I have many waterproof things.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?  My daughter wiped out at the park, slept poorly last night and we think she's teething so I will be pampering her for the rest of the day once she's up from her nap. Very chill afternoon.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home?  I started cutting my hair during COVID and I will never be going back. It's just not worth the money or time when my hair is in a bun 99.9% of the time anyway.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I wore black sweatpants and a green hoodie. No.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains?  Mountains! The beach and warm weather isn't my thing.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie?  Nope.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home?  I don't remember. Probably around 8? I always got homesick.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Once a month, maybe.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine?  Exact same every day.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears?  30 minutes ago. My daughter has a goose egg from her fall and I've been sobbing on and off since it happened. She's okay thank god. I wish my mom was alive so I could call her and talk about it. Just having a really shitty day.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Scroll on Reddit until my daughter wakes up.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I made toast. Not really cooking.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows?  I like marshmallows.

19 - What caused your last injury?  I'm not sure tbh.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them?  My ears are pierced.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you?  Roses. When my mom died, one of my close friends sent over a beautiful bouquet of them.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over?  He was super immature.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Appetizer. Not a fan of sweet things.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all?  Reddit.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet?  For sure. We've somehow avoided it so far. -knocks on wood-

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider?  No, and I'd not really consider it. I do want to try to incorporate more meatless meals into our meal plan though.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Pasta.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you?  Fitbit my mom bought me.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment?  Beige.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed?  No and I was going to but I've decided it can wait until tomorrow.

[giaourtopita]

oh no i was summoned by a religiously traumatised 17 year old and now i gotta babysit them

this took so long i'm so sorry- things were really bad for me these past few months and i couldn't write anything.

warnings; verbally abusive parents, bullying, isolation, mammon being an icon, diavolo making an appearance and being shady

< previous part

*after levi left, mc frantically started cleaning up any messes they and levi had made while watching anime. mc's mother had just arrived to the house from work and seemed angry that they only just started cleaning up the house.*

*she started yelling at them just like their father did a few hours ago. telling them how useless they are for not doing such obvious things earlier. not wanting to listen to their mother screaming about them, they locked themselves in their room.*

*they stayed in their room for hours, until it was late enough that both their parents were finally asleep. that's when they usually had fun.*

*they watched some more of that anime they and levi had started watching, and they made sure to let him know what they thought of it after finishing it.*

*after watching one or two more episodes, mc fell asleep since it was really late at night. the next morning, though they were exhausted, mc put on their favorite outfit and went to school.*

*the school day seemed normal until the moment they noticed a familiar figure. though not as familiar as others, they were able to tell that the figure they were seeing was a demon's.*

*mc was sitting alone at a spot no one usually went to. they noticed the figure was trying to get away from something so they signaled him to come closer to where they were to hide.*

*the demon came closer and that's when it hit them, he was so familiar because their other demon friends showed them pictures of him. it was mammon, the demon in question, they remembered that demons have to pose as humans in the human world they took their jacket off to wrap it around his waist to hide his tail once he was close enough.*

mc: why are you using your demon form so out in the open? aren't demons supposed to act human while here?

mammon: yes, how do you know that though?

mc: your brothers told me!

mammon: anyways, thanks for the help. if you need help with anything maybe i could help since i'm feeling like doing something nice, ya know?

mc: hm maybe you could scare my classmates? i don't like them so it would be funny, plus everyone saw you in your demon form but no one would believe them if they said they saw a real demon.

*mc put up the cutest face they could physically make and waited for him to respond.*

mammon: consider it done then, the great mammon will scare your classmates to death then!

*mammon made a smug expression ready to go all out but mc stopped him and made him promise that he wouldn't actually hurt anyone. though disappointed, mammon made sure to put up the best performance to his ability. after a few minutes the students started gathering near the classroom, this was mammon's chance.*

*he turned back into his demon form, started speaking in the demon language and started mimicking satan's and lucifer's facial expressions when they get angry. needless to say the classmates were scared shitless, mc was trying to keep themselves from laughing. thankfully they went to hide at the bathroom before they started laughing loudly, a few moments later mammon came in.*

mammon: so, how did i do? not bad right?

*mc smiled at him, showing him that they were grateful.*

mc: i think i will skip the rest of the school day, do you want to hang out with me? i can't go home right now, my parents will notice i skipped my classes.

mammon: i get ya, i skip classes too a lot of the time. do you want to go shopping? the great mammon's treat!

mc: yeah, sure!

*after a few hours of walking around and helping mammon make more responsible choices with his money, they told him that they needed to go home. so he walked them there but before they could go inside he gave them a friendship bracelet, matching to the one he was wearing. he winked at them and pushed them towards the door while teleporting away.*

*they entered the house as quietly as possible not knowing if their parents were home. they looked at the bracelet mammon gave them, smiled at it and ran to their room.*

*after a while they got an eery feeling, like they were being watched. they got up and looked around and as it turns out their gut feeling was correct they were in fact being watched. a tall man with straight red hair and tan skin appeared in their room out of nowhere.*

*they knew this wasn't normal, the door was locked when they came home and all their windows were closed shut. this had to do with devildom.*

*the man approached them slowly not to scare them. and just as they were about to ask him who he was, he spoke.*

man: i am diavolo. i'm sure your demon friends have meantioned me.

*mc was confused, why is the prince of devildom in their room? all they did was summon demons that seemed not to have any relations with him. did they do something wrong?*

mc: is this about me summoning the brothers?

diavolo: i'm afraid that it is. the brothers have important things to do in the devildom and you summoning them distracts them. i'm afraid i must make this stop as you're disturbing the order things are done in the devildom. i wish there was another way but for now this will be it.

mc: will i ever get to see them again?

diavolo: i will make your summoning spells not work, but if you manage to make pacts with all of them, including belphegor, you will be able to summon again. given that you'll practice this type of magic safely instead of just copying what the book says, magic is unstable and being ignorant is dangerous. stay safe!

*the man started speaking in a demon language, probably using a spell on mc. what he neglected to say to them was that they would forget everything related to the devildom.*

*it had been about 5 years since the day they met diavolo, mc had just graduated from university and were excited to start their first day of work in the field they studied for.*

*that is until they started feeling dizzy and almost as if they will pass out. they felt as if the ground was pulling them towards it. not being able to stay conscious they fell to the ground.*

*they woke up in an unknown place and were surrounded by strangers.*

???: welcome to the devildom, mc.

[carleylyonwrites]

Ever since 2016, my evenings and weekends have been filled with theatre. And I don't mean watching it — I mean creating it. Directing, performing, dramaturge-ing (is there an actual word for that?), flipping from hanger to hanger in closets stuffed to the brim with vintage costumes, rummaging through mountains of props, building up confidence in bright-eyed young actors, pacifying my fair share of divas... and holding my breath as the music fades down, the lights fade up, and the play begins.

All of this was crammed into the hours of the day not occupied by a nine-to-five job. Theatre is not something I have to do. It's something I choose to do because of the joy it brings me. I've been asked many times over the years by family and friends, "Don't you get tired?" And my honest answer has always been, "No way. I love it."

But today, in the year of our Lord 2023, as a 30-year-old woman who's been involved in something like 17 productions since graduating from college, I am officially tired.

It's kind of weird when I think about it, because I know people twice my age who are hustling just as hard — if not harder — than I was, and they don't seem to be burnt out. Then again, what's that thing people always say, something about how "the only person you should be competing with is yourself"? Pretty sure someone said that. Once. Maybe. Anyway.

This doesn't mean I don't adore live theatre, or performing, or directing. It doesn't mean I want to stop forever. But life has taught me that when intuition speaks, I'm a fool if I don't listen. When I picture sitting down at my desk to block a show, when I imagine finishing up my day job only to jump in the car and drive off to a rehearsal that will stretch all the way up to (and nowadays, past) this gal's bedtime, I feel visceral resistance, with two simple words permeating every ounce of my being:

Maybe you've got something in your life that has burnt you out, like theatre has burnt me out. Maybe your intuition is telling you it's time to take a break. If that's the case, consider this your sign to listen to that intuition. I did, and after politely declining a few opportunities in 2023 that — while lovely on paper — sent my gut running for the hills, I feel like I've just taken one giant exhale.

Without any further ado, and because we love a list in this house, here is a list of five things I'm going to do this year with all the glorious spare time I'll have in light of my lil hiatus from the stage.

Number 1: Literally Nothing Jerry: "So uh, what'd you do last night?" Elaine: "Nothing." Jerry: "I know, 'nothing,' but what did you actually do?" Elaine: "Literally nothing. I sat in a chair and I stared." I firmly believe that we as human beings should be shamelessly vocal in our desire to do nothing. In 2023, I will be blocking off entire evenings to do nothing. Get home from work, make some dinner, futz around with jigsaw puzzles, rewatch Gilmore Girls for the billionth time. And if someone asks me, "Hey are you busy Tuesday night? Wanna hang out?" on a night when I've scheduled nothing, my answer will be, "Yeah, sorry, I'm busy Tuesday doing nothing." Here's the way I look at it: My husband and I want to have a child soon. This may be the last year for the foreseeable future that I'm not responsible for the survival, happiness, health, and well-being of a helpless potato sack (albeit a cute potato sack whom I will love with all my heart) of a human being. So yeah. I feel like I deserve a year where, several nights per week, I do absolutely nothing. Number 2: Read a Bunch of Books I used to avoid reading for leisure at all costs. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, I was usually too busy reading scripts so I could come up with production concepts, block shows, conduct research, memorize lines... all that jazz. Second, I hated the ergonomics of reading. I was always uncomfortable, and I was too busy fixating on my discomfort to process any of what I was attempting to read. And third, I have this thing where I hate the way pages feel between my fingertips. Sacrilege, I know. Then, a year or so ago, I gave an e-reader a chance. And dangit, if that thing didn't change the trajectory of my entire life.

I dislike Jeff Bezos as much as the next middle class citizen, so I gerrymander my ethics by adoring my sticker-covered sage green Kindle Paperwhite, drawing the line at actually buying books from Amazon. Instead, I've turned into a Libby app addict, renting the e-books from my local library. And you know what? I can live with that. Especially because it's led to an approximately 3,900% increase in the number of books I read annually. I set a Goodreads goal to read 30 books in 2023. It's Feb. 1, and I've already read 12. I'm no mathematician, but all signs point to yes, devouring works of fiction is a way that I actually want to spend my time. Number 3: Paint Silly Little Pictures I'll keep this one short, because there's really no big story to it. Painting is one of those things that makes me feel warm, fuzzy, and fulfilled inside. Am I an expert painter? No. Are there hundreds of millions of better painters than me in this world? Absolutely. Do the images I paint make my heart happy? Yep. They really do. There is something so darn cool about seeing a thing or a place in my head, and then creating it out of thin air. That's what painting is for me. I just love it, plain and simple, but I've so rarely had the time to sit down and do it regularly. This year, Imma do that.

Number 4: Climb (Fake) Rocks Physical fitness is the worst thing ever, period. I don't want to work out. I don't enjoy working out. I don't feel healthy or happy or accomplished after I work out. I'm also 30, and I'd like to, you know, survive for a while yet. So, against all odds, I found a workout routine that doesn't make me want to curl up in a dark corner and die: rock climbing.

Rock climbing holds a special place in my heart as the one activity in high school gym class that I actually enjoyed. And when an old college friend and I recently reconnected, and I found out they were a member at a climbing gym, I thought, "Hmm... maybe. Just maybe."

Am I any good at it? Hell no. But is it tons of fun? Is it a challenge that for some reason keeps drawing me back in for more? Is the chalk bag I bought very adorable and aesthetically pleasing? Do I feel kinda sexy and adventurous while doing it?

Hell yes.

And you best believe getting home from rehearsals at 10:30 or 11 PM every night was draining my already non-existent motivation to exercise well below zero. Thus, the year of no theatre becomes the year I try (and probably fail, but who cares?) to become a semi-decent climber.

Number 5: Make Music I'm pretty darn lucky to have grown up in a musical household. Both my parents can play the piano, and I started messing around on a baby grand (I know, right? Privilege for days) when I was about 5 years old. I'm no Mozart, and I'm definitely not the best pianist in my family, but I can play pretty darn well, and I miss the days where I used to be able to sit at the piano for two, three, four-hour stretches and just play. Stumble through sheet music with my mediocre reading skills, figure out favorite songs by ear, play old classics that my muscles refuse to forget. I never want to say to someone, "Oh, I used to play all the time, but I can't remember any of it anymore." So this year, we're setting aside designated time for piano therapy.

In January, I learned how to play "Rocket Man." Solid start. So maybe I shoot to learn one song per month. That'd be pretty cool. And if a song a month is too much, that's okay, too. The chance to even sit and improv for a few hours after work is something that completely fell by the wayside when evenings were all booked up, and on weekends, exhaustion caught up to me and deterred me from using any kind of creative energy. The idea of waking up early on a Saturday morning and plucking away, no schedule, nowhere to be, no one to tell me it's time to stop? Yes, please.

Well, I guess that's it. Or as the kids say (I think they say this?), "That's it. That's the Tweet."

Happy 2023, everyone.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 11/11/2022

Another week that felt very busy, although I feel like I was pretty accomplished, considering the circumstances.

The school district has been experimenting with replacing early dismissals with "asynchronous days", where the kids are given work to do from home. In principal, I am for this, because my kids both have long bus rides, and going to school for just a few hours is a big waste of their time. In practice, however, (1) both my kids need a lot of support to work from home and (2) for some reason, their teachers send home a ridiculous amount of work to be completed in that time frame. My third-grader was supposed to "complete" an essay she had started in class, comparing and contrasting two texts, except that she had no idea what she was doing, and her notes, which the teacher had told her "were good" didn't actually address the topic of the essay. So, anyway, two "half days" of work for my kids works out to a pretty tiring day for old Mommo (on Bleach Monday, no less!!). Tuesday, they had off for election day.

It was kind of a Big Emotions week for a couple of things going on in my personal life, some good, some bad. Also, Twitter is dying. It's not that it's that important of a platform for me, but it's the one place I still talk to the handful of IRL friends I have left, and I'm sad about it.

I did manage to post Ch 16 of the Tattoo AU. The end is firmly in sight for this one. I said last week that I had 6 chapters left to go. I had been going in order, but for some reason, I felt like I needed to write Ch 20 before I could write Ch 17. I finished Ch 20, and had some momentum, so I started Ch 21. I got about halfway through what I thought was going to be in Ch 21, and realized that didn't take nearly as much space as I thought it would, so it's possible that I may combine what I had thought would be Ch 21 and 22 into one, which means there are only 5 chapters left (1.5 already written). I might also add a lil epilogue, but I think it would be short. (Total written this week: 3352 words)

I drew a nice picture of Uryuu for his birthday! I'm really happy with the way it came out, and also, it didn't take me forever, for once!

I am honestly kind of panicking about Renruki week, but I told myself that November was for Gathering Ideas, and if I haven't finished up the Tattoo AU for December, I'll just put it aside, at least until I get some solid Renruki week progress under my belt. I only have two really solid ideas that I'm happy with, one of which is a half-finished art project that I think fits pretty well under one of the topics. I have two or three other ideas that are sort of half-formed or maybe won't work out at all. I keep telling myself it'll come together, except that the last two Decembers have very suddenly turned into nightmares for me. I am doing my best! 😭😭😭 It also feels like I've been working in the Renruki mines for the last three years, and it would be terribly pathetic of me (and yet also very in-character) to blow it when there is finally enough interest around to do a celebration week.

I am honestly kind of panicking about Renruki week, but I told myself that November was for Gathering Ideas, and if I haven't finished up the Tattoo AU for December, I'll just put it aside, at least until I get some solid Renruki week progress under my belt. I only have two really solid ideas that I'm happy with, one of which is a half-finished art project that I think fits pretty well under one of the topics. I have two or three other ideas that are sort of half-formed or maybe won't work out at all. I keep telling myself it'll come together, except that the last two Decembers have very suddenly turned into nightmares for me. I am doing my best! 😭😭😭 It also feels like I've been working in the Renruki mines for the last three years, and it would be terribly pathetic of me (and yet also very in-character) to blow it when there is finally enough interest around to do a celebration week.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 16 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (15)

Next part (17) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

The Loss Of A Friend

You've never been to a funeral. Well, you did, but you were a kid and you didn't know the family friend who was being buried that day. In your child's mind, you didn't get why everyone was wearing black, in uncomfortable silence, crying all day long. You remember clearly that a blue bug got your attention, making your eyes follow its every move, making you smile despite the sad atmosphere.

It couldn't be more different today.

As the coffin is lowered into the ground, where Jason will forever rest now, you hold Billy's hand, the soft fabric of your black dress tickling your tights. You barely feel it though, all your sensations resumed to the weight in your chest, crushing, squeezing your ribs, smashing your heart.

You suddenly remember the day Monica introduced you to Jason. It was the Saturday before you started working at the pool, in the parking lot of Starcourt Mall. He had his little brother on one arm, and the girl walking beside him, tugging on the hem his shirt.

“So that's the new girl.” He said, a smile spreading across his lips as he reached out his hand for you to shyly shake. “I'm Jason, born to bear the weight of being Monica's cousin, but also the coolest guy you'll find in Hawkins.”

That, of course, started a small war of cheesy pick-up lines, insults, and sarcastic comments. You laughed, feeling easily welcomed by Monica's cousin.

Now, what gets your attention is how his young siblings cry, yell, calling out Jason as is he was just sleeping inside the wooden box and would wake up, smile, and start chasing them around again. He won't. Jason is only a memory now.

“I think we should go,” Billy says in a low voice, letting go of your hand to rub your arms softly.

Nodding, you let him guide you to his Camaro, driving you away from the sea of people dressed in black. You've known Jason for such a little time compared to everyone else here, who saw him grow up, studied with him, lived near him for many years. Your pain is just a speck of dust compared to theirs.

When you get home, the sun is setting. You decide to call Diane, just to make sure she's alright, but you don't tell what happened. It would make her come here immediately, and the last thing you need is someone else you care about being in danger. You have to lie, despite hating yourself for it, telling her that your voice is funny because you had to yell a lot with the kids at the pool. But it's better this way. There are more than enough people here you need to worry about.

“Come here,” Billy calls when you finally head to the bedroom. He sits in the bed, back against the headrest and you're quick to crawl into the bed and into his arms. “How are you feeling?”

“I don't know. Sad doesn't really explain it.” Putting your legs over his, you hide your face on his neck, breathing in your favorite cologne, the only one he uses since the day you told him that. “I can't believe I buried Jason. Jason. My crazy-ass friend.” Your voice cracks and you hold back a sob. “I'll never hear those stupid jokes again.”

“I'm so sorry, princess.” There's a pain in his voice too. Billy has been around Jason a bit, mostly with you. But you know he's actually sad because of how broken you are. You can see it in his eyes, that he wish he could take your pain away, and that he's desperate because he doesn't know what to do.

But there's nothing Billy or anyone else could do. You can't fight death. You can't hit it with a baseball bat full of nails until it gives your friend back. The only thing you can do is avenge him. Get whatever took him and destroy it.

“I wanna kill those Demothings.” The anger in your voice is tangible, and you clench your hands into fists. “I swear to God, Billy, I'll kill one of them myself.”

“Anger won't help. We need to be smart about it. We need a strategy.” Billy is often angry with things. Mostly with things that hurt you, but this time, you get why he's taking another path, trying to calm you down instead of putting more wood in the fire. “The meeting is set for tomorrow. We'll find a battle plan to kill those damn things.” His hand comes to lay on your thigh, fingers softly caressing your skin. “But for now you need to rest, ok? I'll cook something you like and then we'll cuddle watching some nice movie. How does that sound?”

“What if I cry through the movie?” You ask because more tears start rolling down, it doesn't matter how many times you try to get rid of them.

“Then I'll hold you tight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Billy is kind enough to try and get you into some small talk. Nothing too complicated, nothing related to the Demothings or Jason. You're thankful for that. He even manages to get a few laughs from you, although they're always followed by a reality check when the events of the last two days hit you again, and the smile is gone.

A couple of hours later you're watching Jaws, your head on Billy's chest as you try to follow the events of the movie. But it seems way too fast for you, or it's just your mind that's refusing to process anything that's happening.

You just keep thinking about death. About how Jason's whole life was cut short. How all of his plans for the future were erased.

“Billy, can I ask you something?” Keeping your voice low, you speak up for the first time since you came to the living room after having dinner.

“Of course, princess. What is it?”

Biting your lip, you consider if you should really bring that up. It's selfish to talk about your future when someone else won't have one. But this whole situation made you want to make plans because it's a privilege to still be here. It's a blessing to still have time. “What you said to Joyce about... Marriage. Did you really mean that or–” Pushing yourself up from where you were laying on top of him, you take a deep breath. “–or were you just trying to get out of the conversation. Because it's ok if–”

“Haven't I made it clear that I want to be with you for the rest of my life?” He moves to sit up as well, pulling you close until you're placed in between his legs, a hand caressing your cheek. “Because if I hadn't, I'll make it clear now. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't know how it happened, and it did get me by surprise, but the day you walked in the Hawkins Community Pool, I knew something changed in me. I knew I had to get to know you, and I did thought it would pass, that I'd get tired of you as I got of the other girls, but I didn't.” Billy holds you closer to him, your foreheads touching. “You hit me like–”

“Bang.” You finish for him, the memory of the day he was unbelievably honest with you coming back. The day he admitted to you, and somehow to himself too, that he liked you. It was also the day he punched David, and the day he kissed your cheek, making your stomach burn like it has been set on fire.

“Like bang.” He breathes out, warm lips coming in touch with yours. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him as close as you can, the need to feel that he's here, with you, clouding the sound of the TV. Billy moves to lay back down again, and when you move to follow his change of posture, your knee slips and connects to his ribs. “Ouch!” He breathes out, cutting off the kiss.

“Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.” Covering your mouth, you bring the free hand to rub his side. “Sorry, baby.”

Taking a deep breath, he grabs your arm and pulls you down, making you collide on his chest, giggling. “Sorry. I shouldn't be joking around with you now.”

Squinting your eyes at him, you try to get up, but his strong arms come around your body, keeping you from moving. “I hate you, Hargrove.” The fake sentence is soon overcome by a giggle. “I'll kick you right this time, I'm warning you.”

“Oh, I'm shaking like a leaf.”

“Don't test me, Hargrove. Keep in mind we sleep on the same bed and I know all of your habits, baby.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Mumbling, you manage to stand up, moving back into a sitting position. You know he actually let you go, but there's no reason to acknowledge that. Taking a deep breath, the sudden happiness is stained again, as the memories crawl back. It seems like Billy notices because his smile softens. “I love living with you, you know that, right?”

“I love waking up next to you every morning.”

You can't help the smile that comes to your lips as you bend over again, kissing his lips.

On the next day, Billy calls Anthony to ask him to give you a few days off work. Obviously, you have to urge your hothead boyfriend not to curse the manager and risk losing his job. You feel fine to go to the pool, or you think you do, but the truth is you wouldn't be paying much attention anyway. And much to your dismay, Billy gets a total of zero days off. No discussion, what makes him hang up the phone so hard you thought he broke the poor thing.

Since you don't want to be alone, and Billy would absolutely never allow you to be alone in the house when you're friend just died, he drives you to Joyce's place, where the party will gather to make plans.

Saying it's hard to be away from Billy on the day after you buried Jason is a misunderstanding. Seeing him drive away from Joyce's porch makes you feel like he's taking your heart with him. He didn't seem pleased either, but there was no other choice. You wouldn't make him miss the day, since you know Anthony is a terrible human being, just looking for the right excuse to get rid of the lifeguards.

“Honey, come inside,” Joyce calls a hand on your shoulder. “Can I get you something to eat? We had pizza last night and I have a slice in the fridge.”

“No, thank you, Joyce.” Politely, you decline her offer. “Is there any bed I can crash in?”

“Sure. Come.” Walking through Jonathan and Will, you wave at them, muttering a good morning and trying not to cry at their sad faces. They know Jason was a close friend, and, like everyone else, they don't know what to do or say. “This is Will's and Jonathan's room. Just pick a bed.” Nodding, you choose the one on the left and lie down. “Do you need to talk?”

“There's nothing to say.” Putting your head on a pillow, you stare at the ceiling. You feel comfortable around Joyce, she has this mother thing about her. “I just want this to end. Before anyone else gets... Eaten.” The word makes you shiver as it brings the image of his body back. “I wish I wasn't the one to find him. To... See him that way. I don't think I'll ever forget that.”

“Honey, I'm so sorry.” She comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “When... When they found Will's body, it hurt. I knew in my heart it wasn't him, but the very idea of losing my baby was horrible. So I have an idea of how you feel. Losing someone is a pain that doesn't go away. You'll get used to it, but it remains. All we can do is learn to deal with it and honor them by carrying their memories.”

You're crying through her speech, and you can't help but sit up and hug her, crying on her shoulder. “We have to be careful because I can't lose anyone else.” You're not sure if she can even understand what you're saying, but since she nods, you think she did.

“Don't worry, honey. We'll all be alright.” She pulls away, rubbing both your arms. “The kids will be here soon, but feel free to stay here or join us, ok? Do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Thanks.” Offering her a small, sad smile, you watch as she leaves.

You hear when they get here, the chattering starts, and you can understand a few words here and there. They talk about you, and about Billy and about the funeral. But soon enough it falls into the major problem. And that's when you tune out, staring at the ceiling, trying not to make yourself too comfortable in someone else's bed.

The only thing you want now is Billy. You want to go back to the time where there was no Demogorgon, Demowhatever lurking around. At least to you. It's weird to know what really happened in Billy's car accident, how he was almost the host for the Mind Flayer. You're happy it didn't happen, that he's here now. You need to thank Max for that, actually. If it wasn't for her and the others, your Billy wouldn't be here. He could be dead, and you'd never meet him. He'd never shoot glances at you, or drive you home, buy you tacos or punch David's face. Or kiss you, hold you, love you. The thought of a life without Billy in it is absurd. Now, more than ever, after you lost someone so dear, you have this need to be with him. Just to make sure he's here.

Breathing out and closing your eyes, your hand comes to hold the necklace. It makes you feel closer to Billy, and there is a silent promise here, one you hold close to your heart, together with the earring.

Eyes open, you get up of the bed. You don't care if you got days off, you have to see him. Even if it's just for a hug. Leaving the bedroom, you make your way to the living room, which is crowded.

“We wait until it's late at night to make sure the Demodogs are out, sneak inside the tunnels, and spill insane amounts of gasoline all over it. Get the hell out, wait until it's morning, and set the whole thing on fire.” Dustin says, hands in the air and a smile on his face.

He's kidding, right? He can't be suggesting that as if it's the greatest idea of the world. “Are you completely insane?” You ask, making your presence known. Arms crossed, your eyes scan through the party. “You can't possibly think this is a good idea.”

“I agree with (Y/N), this is insane,” Joyce adds, her face making it clear she thinks this idea sucks. “I won't let you do that.”

“But–”

“The point is to kill them without getting ourselves killed. And every single idea you come up with has a hundred different ways to get us killed.” Steve says, both his hand on his hips as he paces around the room. “Who thinks this idea sucks raise your hand.” He's the first to do it, and Joyce, you, and Jonathan do the same.

“Count Billy in.” You say, raising the other hand as well.

“And Hopper,” Joyce states, giving you an approving stare.

“It's six against seven. We're doing it.” Dustin exclaims.

“No.” You basically shout, not caring one bit if you sound bossy. All eyes lay on you as you struggle to keep it together. “We're not doing it and that's final.”

“I–”

“I just lost a friend and I will not let you do something that might just end up in another funeral.” There are tears threatening to fall again, but you hold them back. “So come up with something else.”

The silence is deafening. You know you're breaking down again, even though the tears aren't rolling down. Yet.

“Please. There's gotta be something else.” Lowering your voice and looking down at your feet, you beg. You can't even think about someone else dying. You couldn't bear it.

“I saw this thing at school. Like a robot with remote control.” Lucas starts. “If we could build a bunch of them and attach a hose, we could guide it inside the tunnels and spread the gasoline.”

“Yeah, but there are seven holes. Which means a lot of ground we'd have to cover.” Eleven adds as you make your way to the group, sitting on the couch beside Joyce.

“Let's blow up six of them.” You burst out, crossing your legs. “A hell of a explosion that would take those things days to dig it back. Then there will be only one way in and out. Find a hell of a long hose or just connect a bunch of them and a million gallons of gas. The robots will spread it then we'll just need a match.”

“That's good. It could work.” Nancy says. “But we'll need to chip in to buy all these things.

“Hopper can get some for free I'm sure.”

“We start right now.” Mike stands up and the others follow. “Let's get started.”

The rest of the day is hectic. Lists are made, one of the kids teachers come over to help with what they called a summer project. For fun. And the materials started arriving. You don't really know what to do, so you help Joyce make lunch, keeping up with her small talk. Joyce is easy to be around, and you like to hear her stories about Will and Jonathan. You even manage to show a few smiles every now and then. After everyone is fed, you finally sit on the porch, trying to help as much as you can. The kids are genius, literally building remote control robots from random pieces and the instructions from books. It's amazing. Since you can't really be of much help in this aspect, you join Nancy, separating stuff or doing anything they tell you too.

When the sun is setting, some of them had to go home to gather their stuff. They'll crash here and take the robot construction through the night. By the moment you hear the faint noise of Billy's car, it's just Joyce's kids, Steve and Dustin. Leaving the small pieces of metal you were shaping into tiny little circles, you stand up abruptly.

“Where are you going? These circles aren't going to make themselves.” Dustin complains, raising his hands in the air.

“Billy is back.” There's no need for further explanation, so you tiptoe among the stuff, careful not to step on anything.

“It could be anyone.”

“Dustin, is there any other car in Hawkins that sounds like that?” As you speak, the noise gets louder and Billy's car comes to your sight.

“She knows her boyfriend's car.” Steve jokes as you walk to the yard, smiling when Billy stops the car and comes out.

“Miss me, princess?”

“Obviously.” It's a feeling of pure relief to see him. It feels like it's been so much longer than just some hours, but you feel that you'll have this insane need to be around him for a while. Just to enjoy the fact that you're still alive. You can't help but wonder for long the idea of death will hover over you... Probably forever.

“You ok?” He asks, his hand on your hair as you have your head on his chest.

“I will be.” Remembering the audience, you pull away, standing on your toes to kiss him. “Dustin had a terrible idea but I made him change his mind about it.”

“How did you do that?”

“I yelled.” With no intention of further explanation, you turn at the guys. “I'll be back tomorrow morning, alright? Have fun doing crazy science.” Waving at them, you get into the car.

You would like to stay at Joyce's, keep helping as much as you can, but you feel like you need silence and peace. The kid's laughter and jokes make you feel better, but you know that you also need to let the sadness creep over for a while. Keeping it hidden, disguised, makes no good. So as you dry and brush your hair, waiting for Billy to finish his shower, you cry.

For Monica, for Jason's younger siblings, his mother, his father, uncle, and aunt. For every friend he made since he was born. And for yourself too. Jason was one of the people that you imagined you'd be around for the rest of your life.

You're dragged away from your thoughts by the phone's ring. Rushing to answer it, you find it's Joyce, kindly asking if you can pick Mike up and drive him to her place, and of course, you comply.

“Billy.” You call when you hear him coming out of the bathroom. “Joyce needs us to pick up Mike. Nancy can't stop what she's doing there.”

“Sure. Let's go.”

Being out at night makes you anxious, but you try not to let it show. Eyes on the road, you bounce your leg nervously, tugging on the seat belt. Billy notices, and a hand comes to rest on your thigh.

“We'll be fine. Relax.”

“I'm trying.” Stretching your arm, you touch his neck. “I'm sorry if I can't stop thinking about Jason and what happened.”

“(Y/N), you just lost a friend. My responsibility as your boyfriend is to hold and love you through this process. Don't apologize.”

“I don't want this to be your responsibility, Billy.” When he turns his head to look at you, you run your fingers through his jaw.

He takes a deep breath, pulling over by Mike's house. You were about to get out, but since he doesn't move, neither do you. Billy looks like he's thinking, furrowed eyebrows and distant eyes. “Billy? Come back to Earth.” You decide to ask, taking off the belt and turning your body towards his.

“To have and to hold. For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” He squints his eyes through the words, trying to remember them. It takes a while for you to understand what he means, and when you do, your heart starts drumming in your ears. “To love and cherish till death do us part.”

“Billy...”

“It means I'll stand by your side. Not because I feel like it's my responsibility, but because I love you. And I'm more than happy to take the responsibility of being your–”

“Couldn't you save that up for, I don't know, someday when I'm dressed in white?” The words come out fast, and you're blushing hard, your cheeks burning. “No. You had to do this now. Drive me insane now in your Camaro.” You roll your eyes dramatically when his lips break into a smile, that smug, cocky smile he has when he knows he got to you somehow.

“Be my wife, (Y/N).”

“No.” It's an utter absurd how hard you have to fight not to say the exact opposite. You want to just burst out the word, here and now, because you're so damn sure you want Billy for the rest of your life. “No, baby. We'll graduate, save up money and you'll make a decent proposal.” You hope he can't notice your hands shaking as you step out of the car, almost stumbling on the sidewalk. His words burn through your mind, sending shivers down your spine. “I won't say I'll marry you in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, in front of Mike's house.”

“Did I just make you nervous?” Billy's arms come to encircle your waist, his deep voice, and breath on your hair making you sigh.

“Shut up, Hargrove.” With the sweet sound of his laughter on your ear, you knock on the front door, trying to push him away before someone comes to answer. “Let go.”

“Are you using my cologne again?” As soon as he asks, you feel his nose softly rubbing your neck, what makes you giggle and try to push him away again, uselessly. “You are.”

It wasn't your intention to let him find out, but he always does. “Well, it was–”

The door is suddenly open, a yellowish light hitting your eyes as you try to stand up straighter. The woman standing there gives a step back as if she just saw a ghost. Her eyes fly from Billy and back at you, then all the way back to Billy. It hits you suddenly as you realize she's Mrs. Wheeler, the woman Billy was going to meet on the day the Mind Flayer almost got him. They haven't met or spoken since that day, and you weren't expecting her to look so... Perplexed. You try to read her expression, to understand what the look in her eyes means.

“Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.” You manage to say because Billy clearly won't even try to be polite. You feel his muscles tensing up, as he gets immediately uncomfortable under the woman's stare since she doesn't seem to even try to hide. “Sorry to disturb you. We're here for Mike.”

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks

[geenalovesthelittlethings]

Hi Gee, thank you 🥺🥺.

You and everyone that I’ve talked to are in agreement about this whole thing. I’ve decided that I don’t owe her an explanation and it’s not my problem that she’s having a hard time talking to me when this situation could’ve been avoided. I cried almost everyday of my vacation because of her treating me like this and (TW: food) I was only able to finish two entire meals the four days I was there because every time my friend and I were sitting down to eat, she would text me about what a shitty friend I was being by not being at her beck and call on my own vacation. I’m just frustrated because she’s treating me like this when I constantly dropped anything and everything for her time and time again only to feel like she wasn’t doing the same. I can remember so many times we would have plans but then she would be like “I totally forgot but my boyfriend and I had plans so you can’t come see me anymore” but she wouldn’t try to reschedule, I always had to. I volunteered to take care of her when she got her wisdom teeth taken out and help her and her boyfriend move out of one apartment and into another. She’s also talked about moving across the state back home and now I’m considering moving over 17 hours away so even then we would’ve probably grown apart anyway. It sucks that our friendship had to end this way, but I’ve said I lived 19 years without her, I think I can live the rest of my life without her if she’s gonna get angry with me for spending time with other people

Sorry, follow up, but it’s also gotten to the point to where I feel like I can’t even post on my own social media anymore because of this. Like I want to post my pictures of my trip because I love them and the way I look in them, but she’s making me feel like I can’t. I couldn’t even post while I was on my trip because then she would see that I’m posting and she could see that she texted me but I was still actively not responding to her

Yeah, that is definitely not a healthy situation at all, angel. Part of having healthy, mature friendships is this sort of unspoken understanding that you have your own lives to live and that you won't (and tbh shouldn't be) be available to each other 24/7 and that this doesn't mean you value the friendship less. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I just feel like the the friendships that are worth it are the ones that make your life better, not more stressful.

[hyperpsychomaniac]

Bonding Exercise - Chapter 3

DT 17 Fanfiction

Summary: Scrooge is sick of Della and Launchpad fighting over the Sunchaser, which is costing him money, so he sends them on a 40 hour flight and orders them to sort out their differences.

Chapter 1

***

Della groaned and hoisted herself up off the floor. She wiped her beak and blinked at the faint trickle of blood that stained the back of her hand. "Ah, fooey."

"Della?" Launchpad's strained voice came to her. "Della… you… you okay back there?"

Della rubbed at her head. "I… I think so." Her gaze fell on the spine that protruded, some six or more inches, from the back of the pilot's chair, its tip stained red. "On, no, Launchpad." She ran to the front of the cockpit and grasped his arm. "What are you asking about me for? You're…"

Launchpad shifted with a moan, but the spine effectively had him pinned to the pilot's seat. He put a hand to his shoulder and shuddered as his fingertip brushed the jagged edge.

Della pushed his hand back to his lap. "Don't touch it. Let me look…" She prodded carefully about Launchpad's jacket. The material around the puncture was stained red, but he didn't appear to be bleeding heavily. The spine itself wasn't quite in his shoulder but closer to his upper arm. Maybe he was lucky, and all it had gone through was muscle.

Launchpad looked up at the ceiling as she inspected. He didn't complain, but his breathing was heavy. "Della… you got to get this thing out of me."

"I thought you said you couldn't feel it?"

Launchpad managed to fix her with a glare. "Well, I can now." He gulped. "It… it hurts to move. I don't want to be stuck here."

"I'm not sure we should remove it. Not until help gets here."

"Why not?"

"Remember Woodchuck first aid? If something's stuck in, just leave it. You could make the bleeding worse."

Launchpad groaned in resignation. "I… I know. I just taught that kids that like a month ago. The guidebook… it doesn't bother to say you can… you can feel it in there."

"You going to be okay?"

"I'm… uncomfortable. But we only have to wait… for help to come. Right?"

"Yeah." Outside the punctured windshield, the air was still dust red, and the wind howled. Who knew how long the storm would last. Della bit her lip. "I could always go scout around? Depending on how bad it is out there…"

Launchpad grabbed her arm. "No! Don't leave me."

His big hand clamped onto her so tightly, it hurt. Della stared at him.

"Don't leave me stuck in this chair… I… don't leave me alone."

Della pressed her fingers into his hand, and his grip loosened.

"Sorry…"

Della smiled at Launchpad faintly and squeezed his hand in what she hoped was an encouraging way. Like she knew exactly what she was doing and wasn't wondering how the hell she was supposed to get him out of this. "Hey, I get it. It sucks to be alone, especially when you're hurt. I can't go outside until the storm dies down anyway. Listen, I'm just going to go and grab the first aid kit, some food and water, and something to make you more comfortable. But I'll be right back, okay? I'll bring them all up here so I won't need to leave you again."

***

Della slung up Launchpad's arm in a sling to keep its weight off his shoulder. She rearranged a couple cushions she'd liberated from the back seats in his lap so he'd have something to lean on and gave him a blanket. It wasn't much. But it at least felt like she'd done something to help him.

Outside, the storm was dying down. But it had also grown dark. Leaving now would still be super dumb, and besides, she'd promised she'd stay. So, once Launchpad had insisted for the third time she'd done enough and he just needed to rest, Della settled herself into the copilot's chair. It would've been comfier on the floor, using the spare cushions. But that didn't seem fair when Launchpad was pinned to his seat. She could afford to nap. The discomfort would at least mean she wouldn't sleep too deeply, and she'd be there if Launchpad needed her. Maybe things would look better in the morning.

In the dim lighting of the cockpit, Launchpad's phone screen flickered on. Della groaned. Why did he keep playing with it? He should be trying to sleep. She briefly considered taking it off him, but he wasn't one of her boys, and she didn't need to mother him. If it was distracting him from the three foot long shaft stuck in his arm, then maybe it was the best possible thing he could be doing.

Della closed her eyes for what seemed only a brief moment.

"Come on, why… why won't you reply!"

Launchpad's desperate plea brought Della snorting awake. He was hunched over his phone. His arm trembled as he tried to both hold the phone and fumble out a message with one hand. "Launchpad? Hey, are you okay?"

"I knew this would happen!"

"Okay, okay, hang on…" Della spilled her blanket and pillows to the floor as she rushed over. This close, she could feel his body heat and smell his sweat. She put a hand to his forehead. He was burning up. "Oh, LP. Are you in pain? Does it hurt worse? What's happening…" She should've stayed awake!

Launchpad shoved the phone at her. "They won't reply!"

"Who… there's no reception."

Launchpad pulled the phone back and clutched it to his chest. He was panting, and he looked at Della with wide, unfocused eyes. "I don't… understand… they… they contacted me! I knew this would happen. I wasn't going to reply; I was just going to ignore them. But I… I wanted to talk to them. I wanted them to say… they missed me, or… But they're never there when I need them!"

"LP, slow down. There's no reception, and..." It wasn't getting through. "There's no reception," Della finished lamely as she pushed his hair from his face. And it was all she could do, and she didn't know what was wrong, and… she drew in a sharp breath. This wasn't Launchpad's usual slowness to grasp the obvious. "I think this thing might be venomous. I'm sorry, I think we need to get it out." Della wasn't entirely sure. Maybe it was just some sort of delayed shock to his body making him sick, but that was just as bad.

"I said we should take it out before!" Launchpad put a hand to the spine. Della felt him tense up as he gathered himself.

"Wait, wait!" She grabbed his hand, and he dug his fingers into hers. "We'll get it out, just… one minute. Let me get the first aid kit, and..." She dropped to the floor, dragged her toolbox out from under the console, and came up with a pair of pliers. She couldn't yank the barb straight out. Its jagged edge hooked back on itself, and they'd do more damage hauling it out the wrong way. "We're going to pull you off it instead of it out of you, okay? Just… hold still."

Della unwrapped the sling from Launchpad's arm and tossed it out of the way. Then she pressed the pliers closed around the spine, as close to his shoulder as she dared. The less spine he had to haul through his shoulder, the better. The spine twanged as the tip snapped off, and Launchpad groaned.

Della cringed. "Sorry."

"I can't… I don't think I can do this. I just… I just want my Mom and Dad to say something back. And… and I don't understand why they won't." Launchpad shuddered as tears spilled over his beak.

His Mom and Dad? Della got down on the floor in front of him, hand on his arm. "Is that who you've been messaging all week?"

Launchpad shook his head. "No. I mean, they… contacted me. But I hadn't messaged them back. Not until… just now. I didn't know what to say! I didn't want to… screw it up. But, I… I knew what would happen. I'd reach out and, and they wouldn't be there." He choked off, and his head dropped, shoulders shuddering.

"LP, I'm sorry…" It didn't tell her everything that was going on. But it explained why he'd been so obsessed with the phone. "You weren't ignoring me. You were just, aw, I'm sorry. I'm sorry they're not here. But I am, okay? I know it's not the same. But I'm going to get you out of this, back to where there's some reception, and then you can send whatever message you want, and your parents… they'll reply, I promise." It wasn't really a promise she could make. But what parent wouldn't? She had to say something to help, and they just had to get out that damned spine.

"Launchpad…" Della squeezed his arm again, hard enough to get him to look at her. "I need your help. First, we're going to pull you off. Then you've got to help me get off your jacket, then you don't have to do anything else, but I'll need to stop the bleeding. You ready for that?"

Launchpad looked at her with tear-filled eyes. But Della was sure she saw something in his gaze harden. "Yeah."

"I'm not sure how many yanks this will take. But don't stop, no matter how much it hurts. Stopping in the middle of everything…" Della gulped. "It doesn't help. It just makes it worse, and you just gotta get it over with, trust me. It's still going to hurt like hell, and… just don't give out on me until we've got you off, okay?"

Launchpad didn't reply, but Della felt him gather himself, then he heaved his whole body forward. He cried out and shuddered to a halt. He'd moved himself inches along the spine; the tip had now disappeared inside his shoulder. Della got a hand around his back.

"Come on, LP…"

Launchpad whimpered, and for a moment, Della thought he was going to check out on her. Then he wrenched himself forward again. His shoulder rammed into her, and they both crashed to the floor.

Della hefted him upright as she dragged the jacket off of him. He swayed, barely able to keep himself upright, and his gulps for air came in ragged gasps. She grabbed up wads of bandages and pressed them to his arm. They were soaked through almost immediately.

This is why they told you not to pull stuff out. Della pressed more bandages against Launchpad's arm, and this time, they didn't immediately soak through. She bound the wad around his upper arm with as many loops of bandage as she could. It was ugly, a big lump, but it wasn't soaking through, which was the whole point.

Finally, Della breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, LP. I think… I think I'm done."

Launchpad's full weight sagged against her, and Della steered him to the ground. He rested his head against her lap. She found she didn't mind. In fact, she put an arm around him without thinking and held him protectively against her. After a few moments, his breathing started to steady, and Della finally felt that maybe, she hadn't mucked up. She'd actually done the right thing getting that thing out of him.

"Della?" Launchpad said weakly.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"There's no reception, huh?"

"No."

"That… makes sense."

"LP, I'm sorry." Della gently pushed his hair from his face with the back of her hand, which wasn't caked in blood. "For everything. You weren't ignoring me. You were just stressing about your Mom and Dad and, and I was just being a jerk. I'm sorry they can't be here for you. I'm sorry you're stuck with me."

Launchpad found her hand and squeezed it gently. "No, I'm… glad you're here."

***

Eventually, Della extricated herself from under Launchpad. He was sound asleep, she was getting uncomfortable, and she doubted he wanted to spend the whole night using her robot leg as a pillow. She folded his jacket and slipped it under his head, propped his arm up on a cushion, then pulled a blanket over him.

She used some water to dampen a bandage and cleaned the blood off her hands. Then she went to work on Launchpad. He had blood on his hands and on his arm around Della’s ugly attempt at first aid. She could feel a lump growing in her throat as she worked. Finally, apart from what was under the bandage, she got rid of most of it, and she hurled the soggy dressing out over the cargo bay.

It wasn’t that Della was afraid of blood. If she’d ever been, she’d gotten over any last shred of that on the moon when she’d had to hack off her own leg. But it told of how badly Launchpad had been hurt, and she felt a little better now it was all cleaned up.

Until her gaze fell on the stub of spine still embedded in the pilot’s chair. Congealed blood sagged off its broken end.

Della’s chest heaved. She snatched her pliers off the console and clamped them around the wicked shard which had caused her friend so much pain. She yanked and twisted, growling deep in her throat as her efforts tore up the back of the pilot’s seat, and, finally, she ripped the horrible thing free. She hurled both it and the pliers out over the cargo bay with a yell.

A second later, it hit the metal floor with a loud clang.

Della jerked at the sound, and her gaze shot over to Launchpad. His shoulder rose and fell steadily beneath the blanket. Still sound asleep.

Della sniffed and wiped a hand across her beak, then pressed a hand to her face as tears squeezed from her eyes.

Behind her, the radio crackled to life. “Come in, Cloud… chaser… sun… McDuck plane, bloody hell, we’ve just picked up your wreckage… is anyone alive in there? Please respond!”

***

Chapter 4

[kileyrose-2003]

Rose the Hat x Fem! Reader: Part 2

A/N: Hello lovelies! This is continuation of what @merci-bitch requested. I am putting the link to Part 1 down below if you haven't read it:

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy! @mewbleu I am working on your request and I'll be in touch with you once I get closer to finishing it.

Love you all and hope everything is well!

One bottle of wine and less than a twenty minutes drive later, Rose had you already figured out and in her bed at the Bluebell Campground.

She drove you mad that whole time and hours after that. It was 2:17 in the morning and you both were still going to strong. Her head was tucked in between the soft flesh of your thighs as she ran her tongue across your clit.

"Damn it, Rose!" The older woman laughed and you gripped your fingers into her knotted tresses. "What's the matter, my sweet? I told you I'd punish you for running from me."

"You can't do it any other..form?" You grimaced. She smirked and stuck her fingers inside you quickly, getting a gasp out of you. "So eager for me," She mused and pulled them out.

You let out a whine and shook your head. "That's not fair!" Rose smiled gamely though there was a hint of maliciousness in her eyes. "It's fair, sweetheart. You've had control of all your previous relationships and now I'm the one in charge here and what I want, I always get."

She ran her fingers teasingly across your clit and you squirmed. "Just give it to me..please!" You grunted.

"For such a dominant woman, you're so submissive to me. I almost forgot how much I like hearing you beg underneath me from the last time we seen each other." She inserted her fingers inside you again. "Beg for me again."

Your cheeks went red at the mere thought of begging but it all felt so right. "Rose, please! I want you." You cried out and she grinned. "Much better." She quickened her pace, eliciting moans of pleasure from you.

"It's fun pleasure though, isn't it?" You bit your lips and let out a whine, hoping your neighbors couldn't hear what you were doing through the walls even though they very well knew how you were.

"Y-yes," You rasped, answering her questions. "You haven't had a true, passion fuck in a while. You're mine, Y/n. You know that right? All mine. I won't share you with the others. In a way that's what you've always wanted, haven't you? Someone to call your own.

"Y-yes..." You nodded and she started peppering kisses on your stomach. "That's my girl." She nipped at your belly button and you hissed, pushing her head away.

"Rose, that hurt!" You yelled more loudly than you would of liked too. None of the True knew you were at their campsite yet and you planned on keeping that a secret for as long possible. You didn't exactly have the feeling Rose told anyone she was coming for you.

"Oh please, you enjoyed it." She smiled and quickened her pace. "You feel so tight."

"I don't think I'm going to..make it much longer! Please Rosie, I want to come!" You begged, feeling like you wanted to cry.

"Then come for me." Her hands slipped away from your folds and you instantaneously orgasmed.

You arched your back up into the air in euphoria. It all felt so surreal and it was by far the best night of sex you ever had.

When the sensation began to fade you plunked back down on the bed next to Rose who pulled you close to her.

"My special girl," She cooed and ran her thumb across your cheek lazily. You smiled softly at first and shook your head, thinking of all the times someone called you special it probably wasn't in a good manner. "Don't call me that."

"Oh? Why not?" There was slight amusement in her voice. "I don't know. I don't think there's much special about me..I guess after being told you're crazy for so long you just start to believe it." You shrugged.

"You know..if you really wanted, we could always pay that back." She nipped your cartilage.

"It wouldn't matter anyways because they'd end up with the satisfaction of knowing I'm not in my right mind in that moment."

Rose sighed and kissed your cheek. "You're sane and very special. I've found over the years, people are afraid of what they can't explain or others who are more jealous of them. It elicts a sort of jealousy. That's why people who aren't special like us are rubes in my families eyes. They're all idiots. You were born into a family of people who didn't understand and appreciate you. It's a shame too because you're extra steamy. Something I haven't seen in a while."

"It's not that as a whole they didn't appreciate me. It was just my parents." Rose shrugged. "Still, idiotic rubes."

"Do they know I'm here?"

"Who?"

"The others?"

"My Crow is out on business so it doesn't matter but do you care?" You decided you didn't and shrugged slightly. Laying your head on her bare chest. "You love Crow?"

Rose chuckled and kissed the top of your head. "You got a twinkle in your eye, don't you?" You blushed and she shook her head. "No, no. No shame. I despise the term love. It's such a rube thing to declare. A foolish promise if you ask me."

You nodded and nuzzled closely to her. "True..but you're avoiding the question."

Rose sighed. "I guess you can say I love him. We have a very deep bond. We're knotted together. The whole family is. I do enjoy him more than the others though."

You laughed and squeezed her hand gently. "For someone who insist I'm such a busy girl, you get around too."

Rose smacked your ass in a way that said she was being playfully but also in a 'don't you disrespect me like that.' nature.

"He knows how I am besides the fact I'm not exactly so patient as to just be satisfied with just his welcome home greeting."

You snorted and she gave you a nasty look before pulling your head close to her warm breast. "Comments?"

"None at all." She raised a brow and placed a sloppy kiss against your cheek. You wiped away some of the spit and the woman laughed throatily, no hint of apology on her face.

"Oh yes..you and I are going to have alot of fun together. Rest up dear, you're going to have a long day tomorrow. You'll be one with us and one of us." She caressed your cheek and kissed your temple. "Goodnight, Y/n."

"Night, Rose." You hummed softly and nuzzled closely to her. She felt so warm and smelled earthy in a good way. It almost reminded you of your childhood but this time it didn't cause you any pain.

You could feel Rose running her fingers through your hair and your eyes began to flutter shut. Soon enough you succumbed to your exhaustion but Rose stayed up for a while, watching you sleep.

She could feel your emotional scars and all the trauma like weights in your mind. Some of it from her but she tried not to focus on thag. It wasn't a wonder how you hid from her for so long now. You locked everything away in the closet. You had to unless you wanted to become a statistic on accidental drug overdose.

Part of her wondered and knew if that your first meeting did go different, despite your age, you would of tasted amazing.

She wasn't concerned with that though. Now it was just going to be the matter of ridding you of your emotional baggage.

"So much pain inside for such a short time in this world..I guess that doesn't matter though anymore. I know what I have to do with you. I'm going to fix you up like my Andi, pretty little things the two of you."

You squirmed slightly in your sleep and Rose hushed you, sending you waves of calmness with her shine. "Nothing to be afraid of, my sweet. I have you and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you like that ever again."

You ceased your squirming and Rose grinned. "Now you get it." She kissed the top of your head and shut her own eyes before falling asleep next to you.

When you awoke the next morning it was to the roar of a car engine followed by the crunching of twigs from the impact of the tires.

At first you attempted to brush it off as some nearby car speeding down the road but the noise was too close for comfort.

Rose groaned and held herself up using the back of her hands. "What time is it?"

"I don't know but I heard a car." Rose smiled and sat up, not bothering to cover herself up. "Oh that's just my Crow."

"Y-you're not going to cover yourself or tell me to get out?" She laughed and rubbed your cheek. "Honey, in case you haven't noticed, norms don't matter around here."

"I know but isn't he going to mad? It's not like we exactly got off on the right foot."

"He'll get over himself. Like I said-" There was a slight knock followed by the sounds of the doorknob jiggling.

You squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for the worst. "Rosie, I'm back. Sorry I'm late but I stopped at District X and-" Crow turned to look at Rose and his jovial expression began to melt. She was completely naked.

Not that it was unusual to him, he was very familiar with her in this type of setting but your presence completely threw him off.

A pang of jealousy hit the inside of him. He knew of Rose's amorous nature and considered himself to bisexual as well, though his experience was limited with men and who was he to judge on what she did while he was gone but you..

You were a rube, their lost food at best and you had seen his Rosie in a way no other person should of. As far it was his concern, you should of been dead the second you struck out at him.

Crow Daddy's posture stiffened and he met Rose's mystical eyes. "What the hell is going on here and why is that little whore in my spot?"

Rose would of been lying if she said the appearance of his rare temper making itself known didn't shock her slightly.

She pulled you close to her and you shoved the blankets around your sides to try and prevent your breast from popping out.

"Crow, this-" She gestured to your form. "Is Y/n. She's going to be our newest recruit."

He made a face and you returned the look with as much crudeness as he gave to you. "Who is laying in my spot." The words came out like an animalistic grunt. "Rose, I thought we agreed we weren't turning her after our last experience with her."

"I didn't promise you anything. I'm the leader of this group. I'll do what I want." Her eyes turned predatorial and you cringed.

"We need food more than we need new members. She might just be on that age bracket where still taste good for her age."

The look in his eyes was no longer one of anger but a hungered expression and you shifted uncomfortably around in the bed.

Rose ignored you and stood up off the bed, approaching Crow. She laced her fingers through his hair and smiled sweetly, laying it on a little thick.

"We're not eating her. That's the end of it . Admit it, you said you thought she was cute." He sighed and wrapped an arm around her bare waist. "Yeah but-"

"But nothing. You wanted to turn her originally. Did you not?" Rose leaned up and nipped the cartilage on his ear. You would of been lying if you said you didn't envy him in that moment.

"I did." His hands pressed gently into Rose's side. Leaving little red imprints on her pale physiognomy. "What are you planning at?"

She smirked and pecked his lips. "You'll see. Now go on. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Sounds good." You could of sworn you seen Crow narrow his eyes at you before walking out the door.

"He's very..intense." Rose chuckled and shook her head. "Not usually. He's just very protective. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just got a little scared for a second." You chuckled nervously to try and brush off some of your anxiety.

"There's something else on your mind too. You want to tell me about it?" She pet the back of your head. "I just..I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of getting stabbed in the back. Every person I've ever gotten close to has either hurt me or just abandoned me and I'm scared of that happening again."

"When you join our family, we have each other's back. We might get at each other's throats at times but we don't betray each other because after being alive for a while we've pretty much seen everything. So we get how it feels to be in someone else's shoes, okay?"

"Okay." You nodded as Rose got up and threw some clothes in your direction. "Come on, I think it's time I introduce you to the others."

Once you met the members of The True and they weren't trying to murder you, you found their company to be very enjoyable.

You instantly connected with Andi who like you, didn't have an easy past. Plus she was around your age which made it easier for you to talk to her.

It made Rose a little jealous but she tried to let it get to her so much. She didn't have to be in your head to know you were hoping this was going to be a way for you to settle down and she planned her hardest on trying to give you that.

Later on that night after dinner was cleaned up you sat down on the muddied ground as you looked up at the stars.

Normally seeing them made you feel serene but tonight it made you scared. You didn't know how long you sat there for until you felt Rose tapping your shoulder. "Are you ready?" You nodded and wiped a tear away from your eyes. "Yeah."

"Good.. why are you crying?" You sniffled a tiny bit as she nervously forced your head back into her lap. "I'm nervous."

She let out a snort and had to fight the urge to chuckle. "Oh please, a girl like you? You are a force to reckon with. Just think, no pain after this. All bliss and all you have to do embrace it."

"Okay." Rose wiped your eyes. "Is it going to hurt?" She rubbed your temples. "A little but no fear, you understand?" You nodded and relaxed your posture.

"Grampa Flick, we're ready when you are." You looked up and the entire Knot was hoarded around you. Some of them were smiling while others looked mad.

"Lodsam hanti, we are the chosen ones," All of the True repeated after him. "Cahanna risone hanti, we are the fortunate ones. Sabbatha hanti, sabbatha hanti."

"We are the True Knot, and we endure. Here is a woman. Would she join us? Would she tie her life to our life and be one of us?" You felt everyone's eye fall on you and you tensed, that inner voice screaming to run while you can.

(Say yes.)

"Yes." You whispered it but it was enough for Rose. She pulled out a cannister from her dress and held it up in the air.

"This one is special like you. Her name was Abra and like you, she thought she could run from me. There's still plenty of her left and she taste-" The cannister cracked open, letting out the scream of someone fighting for their life to a pitiful whimper. "Like spice."

You watched in horror as she inhaled the steam. You figured that if they were going to eat your steam, then possibly it was what they lived off of but you thought it was just adults they killed. The scream sounded like it could of belonged to a child.

Your blood ran cold and Rose's hair tckled your face as she leaned infront of you, the steam floating infront of your face. "Breathe deep!"

For a moment you thought about refusing then thought of that girl's scream. If you refused, you would end up with her fate. That was the last thing you wanted.

Despite the moral dilemma you breathed in the steam. You could feel the coldness of it along with the kick it gave on its way to your stomach.

For a moment you felt nothing but then everything went cold. You opened your mouth to try and ask Rose what was happening but nothing came out.

Your throat felt tight and Rose grinned down at you. "Embrace it." Your body began to arch and you could feel your stomach burning.

"It burns!" You screamed and clawed at the dirt. "I know..I know." You could practically feel Rose smiling at you.

There were hands clamping down your arms and legs and you screeched. "No! No! NO!" A big blue burst of energy flashed infront of your face and soon everything around you faded into darkness.

The next morning when you woke up your face and hair was caked with sweat and mud was all over your clothes.

Their was a near by puddle of water and you looked at yourself in it. You looked the same but you felt different. You heard laughter and took your attention away from your reflection.

"Well hi there!" You turned to face Rose. "You fucking bitch! You said it wouldn't hurt." The other woman had to stuff her bad temper in a sack and smiled as she knelt down to your level, brushing a piece of hair away from your eyes. "Well it doesn't now, does it sweetheart?"

'You can pull one over on your little boyfriend or the others, but not me. I don't go for people who lay it on thick,' You thought to yourself then shrugged. "I guess."

"Then there's no need to for us to act like a child, is there?" There was a hint of malice in her voice. You gave her a face as if to say 'I hate you' and Rose chuckled.

"It's okay. You'll feel better after you eat." She took your hand in hers and caressed the tops of them. "What's the matter?"

"Am I even a human anymore?" Rose offered you a cheeky grin. "Do you care?" The words were cold and had no feeling of comfort.

"I guess not." She patted your head. "Good. Now come. I have something special I want to show you."

You raised a brow. "What is it? Like a gift?" In the short amount of time you spent with Rose, you loved her smile but in that moment it sent chills up your spine.

"You'll see. Crow, help her up please." In a moment the dark haired man took your hand in his and swiftly swept you up off the ground.

The other members of The Knot were already back to their previous engagements and from the look on Rose's face, she seemed fine with that so you let it go.

She wrapped an arm around your waist and lead you forward towards the edge of the all too familiar woods.

"You know, I remember the last time I was here," You said, pretending to think. "You tried to murder me."

Rose smiled tightly and squeezed your sides. "Yeah well, no need to hold grudges over things to small."

"I don't know if I'd say killing trying to kill someone as something that everyone should just brush off." For a moment there was very awkward silence.

"Well you woke up in a pissed off mood, didn't you?" You shrugged. "Well after feeling like I was dying last night, wouldn't you feel the same in that situation?"

"It's a gift you should be grateful for, now close your eyes," She commanded. "Why?" You never exactly were fond of surprises.

"Because, it's a surprise," She answered like it was so obvious. "Yeah I know but I'm not so fond of the unexpected."

"Well, I guess it'll be my job to give you a sense of adventure." She smiled in a friendly manner and held a hand out to you, releasing her hold on your waist. "You know I wouldn't let anything hurt you, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Good. Now just keep them shut and follow me." Rose held your hand and lead you forward. "You'll let me know if there's a rock or something infront of me?"

"No, we'll just let you trip and break your face." There was a hint of sarcasm in Crow's tone and you could hear Rose slap his arm with her empty hand.

"Don't be an ass," She scolded. The further you went into the woods, the more it began to lose it's earthy smell and a more unearthly one began to set in.

"Now wait, wait! Don't open them yet. Now tilt your head down- No, not up! The other way! That's it now now open your eyes."

You hesitantly did as she asked and peeped both eyes open before letting out a gasp.

There was a boy laying on a ground in a situation much similar to the one you were in except their steam floating above him.

"Tada!" You narrowed your eyes and turned to look at Rose. "What the hell is this?"

"Honey, he's your 'welcome to family' present." She drew a knife out the pocket on her sweater and wrapped her arms around your waist.

"As you know, there are people out like us who have steam. People like us, the steamy ones, we're above the others. However, there is a chain involved. The hunter and the hunted."

She knelt down and took a jab at the child, a large whiff of steam floated into as a residual effect. "Pain purifies steam, fear too. That's why we took you before turning you, because you're so pure."

You shifted in discomfort, trying to move the steam away from you. "Their pain. Our gain. You can have as much as you want from him. All you have to do is take it."

She handed you the knife and you locked eyes with the boy and bit your lip. You didn't have to use your shine to know he just wanted it all to end.

You didn't consider yourself to be a sentimental person or one who restricted themselves from their vices but this was too much.

Eternal life or not, it was just wrong. You bit your lip and tried to reach out the boy with your shine to give any sort of comfort but all you could see was a wind storm of broken memories. "N-no!"

Rose's arrogant face turned shell shocked. "No?" You shook your head. "I-i can't..I just can't! Just look at him." She furrowed her brows in a way that almost made her lose her respective queen stature. "And?"

"And he's suffering! Just look at his face." The child let out a pained sob and you sat down next to him, making sure to keep a semi safe distance from Rose as you ran your fingers through his hair and shushed him.

Despite the hunger you were feeling from his steam, you felt the urge to pull him close and just take him back home.

"He's an innocent child! He doesn't deserve any of this. He didn't ask to be born this way or for people like us to be around. This is wrong! All of this is just so wrong!" You screamed and started sobbing. "It's not fair!"

"Honey, life's not fair. Do you think Andi over there at camp, wanted or planned on having the humanity literally fucked out of her? Shit happen sometimes. It's the same thing with livestock cows. They don't-"

"For fucks sake! This isn't a cow! It's a child. Call me silly, but I think a person has more value sentimentally and in life then a cow."

Rose's posture straightened like a board and her fair skin turned cherry red with lividness.

"Rosie-"

"Quiet, Crow Daddy! Now you're just being ridiculous, Y/n! I tried being nice but now you've pushed too far. One way or another, I will get you to give in and you will kill."

"No, I won't! What are you going to do? Kill me or spank me?" You taunted.

You knew you crossed the line but you wouldn't give in and even in that moment you revelled in getting Rose all riled up even if that meant your anxiety would go through the roof because of it.

Rose huffed and went to stand up from where she was kneeling on the ground but Crow grabbed her shoulders. "If you know what's good for you right now Crow, then you'll let go of me because now she needs to be punished."

"Rosie, if I let go of you right now you're going to kill her. No one needs to know you as long as I have to know that right now. It's blazing like fire in your eyes. Just breathe for a second."

"I'll breathe later. Just let me at her!" She shoved him away and stomped towards you but Crow grabbed her by her waist. "Rose, you're going to do something you regret."

"Regret, my ass!" She kicked him in the groin and he immediately released his grip on her. She took the knife out of your hand and pushed you down on the ground next to the kid.

"I'll show you how it's done." She raised the knife above her head and you expected it to come down plummeting down on you but instead it landed in the boy.

Blood splattered all your face and you screamed. "Rose, stop!" You begged and attempted to get the child away from her.

"No! Now you'll get to have a front row seat on his pain." She leaned forward to grab your wrist but you kicked away before running.

"Y/n, you bitch!" You heard radiating through the trees but you didn't care. Tied to them or not, you wanted out. Even if that meant death.

As you reached the bottom of the hill you stumbled over a tree stump and all that was heard by those nearby was a thump followed by a crack.

"Y/n?" Andi ran towards you. "Oww! Oww! Oww!" You screamed, looking at your broken ankle.

Meanwhile in the woods a very pissed off Crow Daddy struggled to get Rose off of her prey. "Baby..this is a little over board. I don't think there's any steam left in the kid at this point."

She ignored him for a couple of minutes, making stab after stab until she own hands were cut open from all the pressure she put on them. "They all give in at one point! I don't understand it. I could practically the yearning in her eyes!" Rose seethed, hysteria still in her eyes.

"I know but some take longer to adapt than others. Not everyone is like Barry and Andi." Rose thought back on the first time she seen the two harvesting steam.

Andi's especially was pure irony in her eyes. For a girl that could 'never hurt anyone' based off how innocent others perceived her as, she tore her victim apart limb by limb.

"What do we do if she doesn't give in? Just let her starve and cycle out?" She barked. "When she's ready to eat, she will. It wouldn't be the first time someone had a lapse of faith and we had to deal with it."

Rose sighed and Crow massaged her shoulders. "We'll figure that out when the time comes but for now just let her be."

Rose actually listened and nodded, wrapping her arms around him. "Where did she go when she ran?"

"I don't know. I couldn't keep track. I'm sure she's close by though." He rocked her back and forth gently in his arms.

"I should go to her." Crow shook his head. "You're shakey. You need to relax before talking to her. You both will feed off each others emotions and it won't end well."

"Stay with me until I calm down?" He nodded and held her close.

Meanwhile down at The True's campground you sat in Andi's trailer as she wrapped a bandage around your ankle.

The steam healed most of the fracture but there was still some soarness around the area of the crack. Normally, The True Knot never kept first aid kits around but Andi was glad she had one in this situation.

"..and that should be good," She hummed as she placed the last piece of medical tape on the gauze.

"Thanks, Andi." You sniffled and she gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "You're welcome hun."

She grabbed the towel laying at her side and began to scrub the blood off your face. "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head and curled your knees close to your chest. "She's probably so mad at me right now," You whispered softly.

"Well, she'll learn to get over it. Rose is scary when she's mad but she can't stay mad forever." Andi paused for a moment and moved the towel away from your face. "How bad was it?"

"R-really bad." Your voice cracked and tears began to stream down your face. "Okay..okay." She held her arms out to you and you flung yourself into them.

"I'll never forget the look on that boys face!" Andi patted your back, trying her best to comfort you even though she hadn't felt a shred of sympathetic emotion in her in a long time. "I know."

"I should of stopped it. It's my fault!" Andi shook her head. "No, it's not your fault. It was inevitable. If it wasn't you that was going to hurt him, Crow or Rose would of."

"It just seems so wrong because I know what it feels like to be in pain and I mean yeah, others deserve to feel that same pain sometimes, but not a child."

Andi had to bite her tongue to keep from saying the first thing that came to mind. "Yeah but think of it, just a little bloodshed for a life long gain."

"It's a child, though. A child doesn't deserve that." She could say no more and pulled away from you. "Get some rest, okay? Maybe you'll feel a little better in the morning."

"Okay." Andi stood up and let you get all settled under her covers before opening the door to her trailer. "Hang in there, Y/n. I'll see you a little later."

"Bye, Andi." You grabbed one of her pillows and held it tightly against your chest, trying to relax yourself. 'You're such a damn fool to think of this would work, Y/n,' You thought to yourself as you stared at the walls.

Your eyes burned from all the crying you did and you felt so drained. You shut your eyes for a little bit, trying to just find yourself when you heard the door to the trailer open and shut again followed by a pause.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah, Rose?" She didn't have to look at you to know you were crying.

"I'm sorry." You turned your body to look at her. "About everything earlier..look, I don't want to make you do something you're uncomfortable with but harvesting steam is unavoidable."

"I know, I know..just give me time, okay?" You begged. "Maybe it's just because I'm not used to the bloodshed but I'm just not ready for it, yet. In all honesty, I might not be ready for it in a while."

Rose sat down across from you and took one of your hands off the pillow, holding it gently in her's. "That's fine. I just- You know what, it can wait."

"You're sure?" She ran a hand across your cheek, the bloodiness on it showing you the unholy deeds she did after you ran. "I'm sure."

Rose enveloped you in her arms, running her hands through your hair as if to reassure herself you were still there.

"Rose?"

"Yeah, Y/n?"

"I like you."

The older woman found a smile forming on her face and she placed a kiss against the top of your head. "I'm glad because I like you too, my patchwork doll."

You pulled away momentarily. "Patchwork?"

"Because you're such a pretty thing made out of horrible memories." You thought on her words for a moment and nodded. "I can live with that, being a patchwork doll."

Rose grinned and placed a kiss gently against your lips. "I love you," You told her with such honesty gleaming in your eyes.

"I do too." She smiled and held you close for a long time. For the first time in a long time, despite all the blood and violence, you felt at home. You were home.

[theladylovingcrow]

New Places, Friendly Faces (Sanny) Pt 1

Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @theladylovingcrow - writing/art Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr

Fandom: Greta Van Fleet

Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Danny Wagner (Sanny), lil bit of Danny/Ronnie but he's quickly swept away with Sam

Length: about 2k

Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe, Diner AU, No band AU, fluff, some angst, awkwardness, first dates, you know the ones where person A's date is failing and person B comes and sits with them, sorry i forgot what its called but that, hand holding, flirting, Sanny

Summary: Danny was nervous; he had been building up the courage for *weeks* to arrange a date, and now.... He wasn't quite sure what to think of the situation he found himself in. The night certainly wasn't going as he had expected it to - and his emotions had never ridden a roller coaster this fast. Hell, the beautiful angel holding his hand wasn't even the one he had arranged to meet 2 hours ago.

Author's Notes: I don't know what inspired me to do this but I'm very very happy with how it's turning out (and I've never written a longer-ish multi chapter story before, so this is interesting!) I would hate for Danny to not know the Kiszkas growing up, but hey I think I made their first meeting pretty damn cute!

Also, just FYI this is set roughly in late January of whatever year, so the twins are supposed to be 20, Ronnie is 18 I think, Danny just turned 18, and Sam is 17 (I think I did all the math right but idk) HOWEVER it wasn't until I finished that I realized I absolutely did not make their appearances congruent with what they would have looked like then.... Sam and Danny look like 2018 ish but the twins also look like their high school selves :( Idk sorry

Also, because Sam is 17, this will not be posted on Rockfic and will be marked as underage, though I'm not planning for it to get dirty

---------------

Danny had been taping his foot for the past fifteen minutes.

He usually didn't do that, it wasn't his nervous tick of non-choice, but Michelle hadn't showed up yet, and it was nearing eight.

Checking his watch, Danny watched the hand tick to 7:58 and then looked up, peering around the restaurant he was in.

Diner, he corrected himself. It was a homey, 1960's American diner, a little more exposed timbers and bear carvings than checkered tiles and jukeboxes, but that's what you got in Michigan. The building was low and sturdy, a log structure with a river rock chimney over the grills in back. Every single wall was decorated with various signed pictures of celebrities that had passed through, local newspaper articles about Gerald and Fern's Homestyle Grill, old handsaws, vintage pop signs, and a million other trinkets and posters chosen by the owners (Gerald and Fern, he assumed, though they'd probably passed on considering how old the place looked to be).

It was a nice restaurant, Danny thought; the atmosphere was welcoming and calm despite the occasional clamor from the kitchen, and the decor was very interesting to look at. Plus, the waitress that had directed him to a window booth and brought him some water was just gorgeous.

'Don't think that! You're on a date, idiot' Danny scolded himself,  shaking his head. Well, he was technically waiting for the date to start, seeing as she hadn't showed up yet. But, he still shouldn't be admiring another girl like that when his wasn't there - that would just make him an asshole.

But maybe Michelle was a little bit of an asshole because she said she'd meet him at 7 o'clock and it was now 8:06- 'Stop. It.' Danny scolded himself again, mentally smacking himself upside the head.

'Didn't your mother ever tell you to assume the best of people?' One voice asked.

'Of course!' Another Danny answered.

'Well, then, she probably got stuck in traffic, or her dog threw up in her car, or she hit a bad pothole, or her mom made her go to the store, or-'

'Okay, I get it! She probably doesn't mean to be so late,' Danny conceded, concluding the conversation he was having with himself. Maybe the waitress was right and he had been sitting there by himself for a little too long.

Of course, being the nice girl she was, the waitress - Ronnie her name was Ronnie - had stopped by periodically whenever she had a minute to chat with him or finally bring him some coffee after he had given in to the craving.

Danny looked down at the small bouquet wilting on the table and sighed. Looked like this date was a bust, just like the few others he'd attempted, and he'd actually been very excited to see her. In fact, it was Michelle who had suggested this Gerald's Grill when he had shyly asked her out in Biology.

He had finally made up his mind to just stop wasting Ronnie's time and go home when a group of boys came trouping in, wet from the snow but in exuberant spirits and, apparently, "In great need of some refreshment, Ronnie dear!"

That made him want to pack up and get out even faster because, honestly, he didn't need any more knowing looks or judgement right now, but the last boy to walk in made him freeze with his coat halfway on.

The kid looked about Danny's age, roughly the same height but a whole lot skinnier. He had on skin tight jeans, scuffed hiking boots, and a red woolen coat. When he turned to talk to Ronnie, Danny could see the Tom Petty hoodie beneath the jacket and some silver necklaces.

'Nice,' he thought, 'seems like a cool guy: good taste in music and fashion.'

Also, 'Fucking gorgeous'.

What made him pause his leaving, though, wasnt the guy's body but his face - his sculpted brows, insanely high cheekbones, pink lips, and long lashes; all framed by the healthiest looking head of hair Danny had ever seen, second only to his own, or possibly one of the guy's he had come in with (the one who yelled for Ronnie) that had rather impressive, long curls styled to look like 70's mutton chops. There was something naggingly familiar about his features, but Danny couldn't place it.

Ronnie rolled her eyes and pointed the group of boys to a large table in the Eastern corner of the diner.

She snagged some menus and followed behind them, though another guy, this one also with long hair (he was having some competition here) grown out Justin Beiber style (okay, maybe not) said; "We don't need those, Ronnie, I'm pretty sure Sammy here has the whole menu memorized by now. Right, Sam-a-lam-a?"

The intruiging boy nodded, starting to recite off what sounded like a very accurate, detailed account of the diner's menu, prices and everything. Danny was surprised at the slight raspy, smokers quality of his voice, but it was pleasant, in a way.

After the fourth item or so, Ronnie stopped "Sammy" with a swat to the shoulder, shaking her heading and muttering "stupid genius" under her breath. He grinned up at her, wiggling his eyebrows and asking for a round of Vernors, pretty please, Ronnie-kins.

Holy shit, they were siblings! That's what had been buzzing at the back of his head for the past couple minutes; those mouths and cheekbones, seductive eyes, that lovely hair. The guy was Ronnie's brother (and no wonder he was so beautiful then).

Squinting, Danny watched the party in the corner. Two of the other guys, 70's hair and Justin Beiber (though he felt bad calling him that since he seemed cool and, hey, he'd  had the same 'do when trying to grow his out) were laughing at something Ronnie said, leaning on each other and behaving the exact same way, down to their blinks.

Twins! Danny could tell because he had two cousins, also twins, that acted exactly like that. Wait, though.... they looked awfully similar to-

More siblings?! Jesus, how many kids did this family have? He hoped the four were all, for the sake of their parents.

He guessed that the twins were a little older, so either "Sammy" or Ronnie had to be the youngest, though they all looked awfully similar in age.

'Seriously, how do their parents handle that?' Especially with the attractive, flirty twins, beautiful daughter, and the super smart supermodel - it had to be several handfuls raising a house like that. Danny suddenly felt a bit more sympathy for his parents, even with just having to deal with him and his little sister.

Ronnie sashayed away, calling over her shoulder for the boys to keep it down. They all hooted and hollered in response, seeing as Danny was the only other patron to bother at the moment.

Danny slowly sat back down, curious as to what interesting conversations he would hear from the group. The twin with curly hair was currently talking to a larger guy on the other side of the table about the "carefully curated sensuality" of Led Zeppelin's Prescence, which alone made him want to stay.

Not to mention, he could continue to observe the hot guy that was immediately fascinating him like few people did. Danny wasn't deluded enough to think it was love at first sight - though it was definitely a fair amount of lust - but there was something about the other boy that made him want to track his every move down to the blinking of his eyes.

"Woah there, creepy much? Chill out, he probably doesn't even like guys anyways," Danny muttered to himself, hoping that his staring wasn't obvious enough to make "Sammy" aware of it. He loved to people watch - and admire, but hated the uncomfortable confrontation of acknowledging that he had been doing so.

Supermodel boy twisted in his chair, looking at one of the many things on the wall - though it made Danny's breath catch because, could he tell? - when he caught Danny's eye. He smiled at Danny, making him smile a little tightly and nod in return.

At that moment, Ronnie came out of the back with a platter of glass pop bottles and a notebook tucked into her apron pocket, using her hip to close the swinging half-door to the area behind the counter. She smiled at Danny as he passed, murmuring a soft "I'll be right back with you," before continuing on to her brothers' table.

Gorgeous boy laughed - a surprisingly obnoxious, though maybe endearing, braying one - and reached out a fine boned hand, plucking a bottle from the tray before she could set it down. He took a long swallow, throat visibly working and eyes half closed, head tipped back. Danny quickly averted his own eyes unless he started drooling onto the tabletop.

Ronnie came over to him after a minute, refilling his coffee and insisting that she get him a piece of pie, on the house. He didn't have the heart to tell her no, not after more than an hour of sitting there pitifully, and especially not now that he knew her gorgeous brothers (or at least one of them, the prettiest, too) knew he was there. It would be incredibly embarrassing for them to know that he was stood up and alone; Danny wanted to give off a good impression, for some reason.

Ronnie walked away again, hips swaying, and disappeared into the back. "Sammy" laughed at the table in the corner and Danny's eyes shot to him, watching how he played with his straw between those two pillowy lips.

He started sweating a little bit, considering who he thought was more attractive (not like either of them would be interested in him, but). Ronnie was curvy and kind and beautiful, but Sam was lean and charismatic and had the most lovely facial structure Danny had ever seen.

'Ugh, bisexual problems', Danny thought. No one else would have know what he was talking about if they were there, though, since he had never mentioned it to his parents nor his few friends.

He wondered, idly - because he really was out of their league and it would never, ever happen - what his family would think if he brought either of them home. Ronnie would be sure to elicit absolute delight from his mother after her admonishment for getting a girlfriend in the first place (despite the fact that he was allowed to do what he wanted now that he was 18, Danny's mom still saw him as her little boy). Ronnie's brother, he wasn't sure; it's not like they were homophobic, but Danny was certain that him bringing home a guy out of nowhere would be quite the shock.

They'd warm up to Sam (he didn't want to call him "Sammy"; it felt too familiar to he polite, though he did like that), he was sure. His parents would be impressed by his intelligence and be charmed by his jokes, and tell Danny that they were glad he had found such a nice boyfriend.

Danny drifted off into a daydream of what it would be like to date Sam, to take him to family holiday meals and go out hiking with him and cuddle up on a late winter afternoon like this one. He rested his head on his hand, letting his eyes go unfocused as he envisioned the imaginary world in which he had an 11/10 boyfriend.

"Hey, I've got your pie. Mind if I sit and eat mine with you?"

-------------

@satans-helper @okietrish @lazingonsunday @bigthighsandstupidguys @karrotkate @oblvions @lantern-inthenight @mountainofthefleet seriously PLEASE tell me if anyone else wants to be tagged in Sanny and I'll add it to my list because I guessed these peeps last time and got it right but I can't remember if there's anyone else

[chippokenabokura]

Thank you for all your hard work! I've been a fan of your blog for a while now and I'm grateful for how much insight you gave us on World Trigger. I have a question I hope you might have some thoughts on: I was rereading the latest chapter and reached the point where Ema was targeted while he reloads. Why is there a need to reload when they don't use real bullets or a variation of pre-stored trion bullets? I assume it's implied that the trion snipers/shooters use is supplied by trion bodies?

Since I didn’t manage to answer any asks before the new chapters came out, I’m going to answer this one quickly while I post the translations.

According to BBF, sniper rifles use up a large amount of trion in one shot so they cannot rapid fire. I presume it works on a similar premise as Gatorin’s Vasilissa. I hope that makes sense!

World Trigger Ch176 ‘Netsuki Eizou′ & Ch177 ‘Mikumo Osamu 17′ Translation

Panel 2

Usami: Now then

Panel 3

Usami: Our turn’s over; what do you want todo?

Usami: Watch the evening division?Usami: Though it’s not for another 4 and a half hours

Panel 4

Hus: The records can probably be viewed atTamakoma base too right

Yuuma: We’re going to go do some solo rankwars

Panel 1

Chika: I have to go meet Izuho-chan…

Usami: I see, roger that~

Panel 2

Usami: Hus-kun, horns! Be careful!

Hus: I know

*machine whirr*

Panel 3

Usami: Let us know when you’re heading back

Osamu: Then let’s disperse for now!

Panel 5

Usami: Ahhhh~ at any rate…

Panel 1

Usami: It was a good match today~Usami: We earned 6 points against upper tier teams!

Osamu: Yes

Panel 2

Usami: It was worth you working hard to getHus-kun onto the team, Osamu-kun

Osamu: That’s rightOsamu: It went beyond my expectations

Panel 3

Usami: That reminds me

Usami: Did the ‘bad premonition’ youmentioned before we left go away?

Panel 5

Osamu: No…that’sOsamu: The truth is it’s still…

Usami: Ehhhh~? Really?

Panel 1

Usami: I wonder what it could be? Your ‘badpremonition’Usami: Chika-chan looked fine…

Panel 2

Usami: When you had a difference of opinionwith Hus-kunUsami: I thought, will this cause a fight later?Usami: But in the end it doesn’t feel like Hus-kun is dissatisfied with thematch results

Osamu: You’re right…

Panel 3

*ding*

Panel 4

Osamu: A message from Kikuchihara-sempai…

Usami: Oh, what’s it say?

Panel 5

Kikuchihara: Congrats on winning the match. Kikuchihara: You were prettypointless this time.

Panel 1

Osamu: Pointless…

Usami: That Kikucchy, always saying somethingmean…

Panel 2

Osamu: Let’sask Kikuchihara-sempai too

Osamu: Thankyou very much.Osamu: Even though we won the match,for some reason I feel uncertain.Osamu: I wonder what this could be

Panel 3

Kikuchihara: Isn’t it some kind of sad premonition that ‘the new guy is strong so Iwon’t have anything to do’?

Panel 4

Usami: Is it? I don’t think so though

Osamu: Hmmm, I don’t know…

Panel 5

Osamu: Ifthe next opponents are cautious of Hus’s Escudo and choose an outdoors map,Osamu: The wire formation and leadbullet sniping would be effective again, so I think there are still things Ican do…

Panel 1

Kikuchihara: …whatKikuchihara: So he does get it

Utagawa: ?

Panel 2

*flinch*

Panel 3

Kikuchihara: …?

*chatter chatter*

Panel 4

*vibrate*

Usami: Hm? It’s me this time

Panel 5

Usami: Yes, yes, hello

Panel 1

Utagawa: Usami-sempai, good work today

Usami: Good work to you too, Utty. What’swrong?

Panel 2

Utagawa: Sorry, I just wanted to check…

Usami: Check…?

Panel 3

Utagawa: Tamakoma Second’s new member’s identity

Utagawa: It hasn’t been officially released,right?

Panel 4

Usami: Eh…?

Panel 1

Utagawa: According to Kikuchihara, someC-rank agents in the loungeUtagawa: …probably the ones who saw the match just now, I think

Utagawa: It looks like they’re gossipingaboutUtagawa: ‘isn’t Tamakoma’s new member a Neighbour?’…

Panel 2

Usami: Eh!?

Panel 3

Usami: …right!

Usami: Right, got it, thank you!

Panel 4

Osamu: A rumour that ‘Hus is a Neighbour’Osamu: Among the C-ranks…

Panel 1

Osamu:My squad is moving in a good direction

Osamu:The chances of success for the next match shouldn’t be low either…

Panel 2

Osamu: Inbattle, Kuga and Hus are overwhelming the other teams…

Osamu: Andyet…

Panel 3

Osamu: …That’s it

Panel 4

Osamu: That’s what my ‘bad premonition’was!

Osamu: Hus standing out too much was the problem!

Panel 5

Osamu: That’s why, no matter how good thematch was goingOsamu: My ‘bad premonition’ didn’t go away…!

Usami: Ahhh~! I see!

Panel 1

Usami: It’s true he made a big splashagainst the upper tier teams in his debut match

Usami: Is the Neighbour rumour because hisappearance and name looks foreign?Usami: Maybe the fact that we’re the pro-Neighbour faction has something to dowith it too?

Panel 2

Usami: …but what do we do?Usami: I don’t think the ones spreading the rumours have any proof

Usami: But we don’t know what will happenif it spreads further

Osamu: That’s true…

Panel 3

Usami: Might it affect the expeditionselection too?

Usami: I want to think it won’t go as faras Yuuma-kun getting suspected too…

Panel 4

Osamu:If I had made Hus stand out less…

Osamu:…no, that might have made it impossible to get 6 points

Osamu:The match itself should be fine like that…

Panel 1

JIn: Don’tfalter

Panel 2

Osamu:…

Osamu:Right!

Panel 3

Osamu: …either wayOsamu: I have to go for a bit

Osamu: Please contact Hus and the others,Usami-sempai!

Usami: Right, got it!

Panel 4

*flip*

Panel 5

Osamu: …Sorry, Branch Chief Rindou

Osamu: I have a sudden request

Panel 1

BorderHQPublic Relations Department

Panel 2

*knock knock*

Panel 3

*click*

Osamu: …pardon the intrusion!

Panel 4

Netsuki: …You’re here, Mikumo-kun

Panel 1

Netsuki: Branch Chief Rindou has made anappointment

PublicRelations Department ChiefNetsuki Eizou (39)

Panel 2

Azuma: Good work today

B-rankAzuma Squad CaptainAzuma Haruaki (25)

Panel 3

Osamu: Azuma-san…?

Osamu: Thank you for your hard work

Panel 4

Osamu: …sorry to bother you

Osamu: I would like to consult with you regardingan issue with Hus

Panel 5

Netsuki: The matter of the ‘rumour’, Isuppose?

Panel 1

Osamu: …!Osamu: Yes!

Netsuki: I have received the report fromCaptain Kazama

Panel 2

Netsuki: Jeez…Netsuki: This is why I opposed his enlistment…

*sigh*

Panel 3

Netsuke: …and?

Netsuki: What do you propose I do aboutthis?

Panel 4

Osamu: I was thinking if Border HQofficially

Osamu: Refutes the rumours…

Panel 5

Netsuki: Don’t say something so foolish

Panel 1

Netsuki: If we officially react in such a rushto suspicions that are only at the rumour levelNetsuki: It’s as good as saying there’s something to be guilty about

Panel 2

Netsuki: What’s so troublesome about thismatter especially

Netsuki: Is that it’s not a ‘baseless rumour’

Panel 3

Netsuki: As an organisationNetsuki: Announcing a lie to the public for just a temporary measure

Netsuki: I am obliged to say it is too biga risk

Panel 4

Osamu: …!

Netsuki: Well…having said that, we cannotallow the rumours to spread any further either…

Panel 5

Osamu: That’s very true…Osamu: I didn’t consider it deeply enough

Netsuki: Hmph…Netsuki: There is no need to apologise

Panel 1

Netsuki: Tamakoma Second or not

Netsuki: It is our job to protect theorganisation’s reputation

Panel 2

Netsuki: With this matter, for now

Netsuki: We shall deal with it by overwriting the rumour

Panel 3

Osamu: ‘Overwriting’…

Osamu: The rumour…!?

Panel 4

Netsuki: We create and spread a rumour that isNetsuki: More believable than the current one

Netsuki: Is what I’m saying

Panel 5

Netsuki: ‘Tamakoma Second’s Agent Hus is’

Netsuki: ‘Tamakoma Branch’s Chief EngineerCronyn’s relative’Netsuki: ‘And was scouted due to his exceedingly high trion ability’

Panel 1

Netsuki: ‘He has been at Tamakoma branchfor several years’Netsuki: ‘And it was planned for him to be assigned to Tamakoma First afterAgent Jin left’

Netsuki: ‘But as Agent Jin has returned toA-rank’

Netsuki: ‘He has been incorporated intoTamakoma Second instead’

Panel 2

Netsuki: …are the contents of the rumour

Netsuki: We will spread it under CaptainAzuma’s name

Panel 3

Osamu: Under

Osamu: …Azuma-san!?

Panel 4

Netsuki: Do you think we would get anyresults if we spread it under your name?

Panel 5

Netsuki: This time the ‘original rumour’ ismore newsworthy

Tamakoma’sNew Member is a Neighbour!?

Actually Tamakoma’s Teacher’s Pet!

Azuma-san Tells All

Netsuki: Without enough credibility, it wouldn’tbe able to overwrite it, would it?

Panel 1

Osamu: …but doesn’t that mean

Osamu: We will be making Azuma-san telllies…

Panel 2

Azuma: Well, it’s just a ‘rumour’ in theendAzuma: For the time being we are planning on spreading the rumour at tomorrow’sjoint sniper practice…

Panel 3

Azuma: I’ll make the contents a bitambiguous for the collaborators too

Satori:It seems that Azuma-san said…

Hanzaki:According to what SatoKen heard from Azuma-san…

Azuma: And only have them spread it as‘hearsay’

Panel 4

Azuma: If I myself am asked to confirm itAzuma: I will keep the fact that I spread the rumour ambiguous

Azuma:Did I say that?

Azuma:Well, anyway, it fits, probably

Azuma: And just approve the contents

Panel 1

Azuma: If for some reasonAzuma: There’s a need to reveal Hus’s identity to someone at some point

Panel 2

Azuma: The false information spread undermy nameAzuma: Will be explained as being done under Netsuki-san’s orders

Netsuki: IndubitablyNetsuki: It is my responsibility

Panel 3

Netsuki: Of course, we will have Tamakoma’scooperation as wellNetsuki: We must have consistency with what we ‘establish’

Osamu: …

Osamu:Before I arrived, they’ve already…

Panel 4

Osamu:Finished the countermeasures…!

Netsuki: ThenNetsuki: We must get our story straight with the agents who already know Hus’sidentity

Azuma: And the people who know Chief Cronynis a Neighbour

Panel 1

Netsuki: For goodness sakes…with this kindof situationNetsuki: The fewer people involved as possible the better…

*shift*

Panel 2

Netsuki: If the ‘rumour’ spreads outside, it would cause us many moretimes the trouble we have currentlyNetsuki: So if we do not shut the rumour down now…

Osamu: Sorry for taking up your time…

Panel 3

Netsuki: …wellNetsuki: I suppose I need to say that you have made progress

Netsuki: Coming to report this yourselfbefore the problem becomes a big one

Panel 5

Netsuki: I will go summarise the mainpointsNetsuki: Sit and wait for a while

Osamu: Ah, yes!

Panel 6

Osamu: …I am indebted for your help…

Azuma: Ah, well, don’t worry about it

Panel 1

Osamu: …you already knew then, about Hus

Azuma: Those with expedition experiencewill probably notice from the nameAzuma: Since we know Chief Cronyn’s identity

Panel 2

Azuma: It’s a message from Branch ChiefRindou that those in the know will understand

Osamu: I see…

Panel 3

Azuma: …anyway, Mikumo

Osamu: Yes?

Panel 4

Azuma: Is Amatori

Azuma: Alright?

Panel 5

Osamu: …eh?

Panel 1

Osamu: Eh…?

Panel 2

Osamu: ‘Alright’Osamu: What do you…?

Azuma: …no

Azuma: It might not be my place to say

Panel 3

Azuma: But I know someone else like Amatori

Azuma: Who ‘can’t shoot people’

Panel 4

Osamu: …!

Panel 1

Osamu: Are you

Osamu: Talking about…Hatohara-san?

Panel 2

Azuma: What, you already knew?

Osamu: Um…I heard from Reiji-san

Azuma: I see

Panel 3

Azuma: It was on my mind

Azuma: When Hatohara accidently shotsomeone during a rank warAzuma: It was quite bad

Panel 4

Osamu: By bad…Osamu: You mean?

Azuma: She threw upAzuma: And was laid up

Panel 5

Osamu: Eh…!

Azuma: So I was worried about AmatoriAzuma: If she seems fine then it’s all good

Panel 1

Osamu:To receive that much damage…

Osamu:Was she a different type from Chika…?

Panel 2

Osamu: …I had heard that Hatohara-sanOsamu: Was ‘a sniper who only aimed at and destroyed the opponents’ weapons’

Osamu: But was it that badOsamu: Every time she hit someone by accident…?

Panel 3

Azuma: Hm? No…

Panel 4

Azuma: Hatohara has only hit someone once

Azuma: She has never failed except that onetime

Panel 5

Azuma: She trained single-mindedlyAzuma: So that she would never hit aperson

Osamu: …!

Panel 1

Azuma: …well, a sniper shot is differentfrom an explosionAzuma: It might not be a good comparison

Panel 2

Azuma: Think of it as an example of whatcould happenAzuma: And look out for Amatori

Osamu: …right!

Panel 3

Azuma: …but

Azuma: There’re finally only 4 days left…

Osamu: …?Osamu: Yes

Panel 4

Azuma: The press conference

Azuma: Where you said sharply that you will‘go on the expedition’Azuma: Was just a little over a month ago

Panel 1

Osamu: …!

Azuma: That you would actuallyAzuma: Reach the point where you almost have your hands on the qualifications for it

Panel 2

Azuma: When I heardAzuma: ‘This season’s rank wars will end with Round 8’

Azuma: ‘For the expedition selection,B-rank No.2 and above will be considered A-rank’Azuma: From the top brass

Panel 3

Azuma: I thought that, points-wise

Azuma: It might be impossible for youTamakoma Second to reach the selection

Panel 4

Azuma: Have you already devised the means tohave Hus joinAzuma: By that point?

Osamu: Ah…yes

Azuma: That is quite meticulous

Panel 5

Netsuki: With your positionNetsuki: I would like you not to back any specific teamNetsuki: Captain Azuma

*click*

Panel 1

Azuma: I’m not backing anyoneAzuma: I’m just saying how

Azuma: Tamakoma Second is interestingbecause they rose up using different means from the other teams

Netsuki: I don’t think there’s anythinginteresting…

Panel 2

Netsuki: The main points of the plan

Panel 3

Netsuki: Take it back and dispose of itafter it has been sharedNetsuki: Make sure nothing is saved

Osamu: …yes!

Panel 4

Osamu: Thank you very much!

Osamu: I will definitely return this favoursomeday!

Panel 5

Netsuki: It’s not like I need thanks

Netsuki: This is our job from the start

Osamu: No

Panel 1

Osamu: Exposing an agentOsamu: To a problem that could have been predicted

Osamu: Is the mistake of the Captain whogave the order

Panel 4

Osamu: Please excuse me

Panel 5

*click*

*thud*

Netsuki: …

Panel 6

Azuma: So putting aside the ‘reputation ofthe organisation’Azuma: The ‘reputation of Hus’ is his responsibility, huh

Netsuki: …hmphNetsuki: I wonder

Panel 1

Netsuki: If it becomes known that he isusing a talented Neighbour as a mercenaryNetsuki: Mikumo-kun himself will be under fire too

Netsuki: In the end is he not just puttinghis own interests first

Panel 2

Azuma: He isn’t that kind of person

Azuma: According to what I heard fromKazamaAzuma: Before Hus, it seems he tried to get Jin to join his team

Panel 3

Netsuki: …

Netsuki: Huh!?

Panel 4

Netsuki: What the heck!Netsuki: That’s beyond unfair!

Azuma: It’s very shameless

Panel 5

Azuma: Indifferentwhen it comes to himselfAzuma: But burdens himself with otherpeople’s problems…

Azuma: Howunbalanced…

Panel 1

Usami: I see!

Usami: So Netsuki-san will be dealing withit for usUsami: Thank goodness~!

Osamu: Yes

Panel 2

Izuho: I tried to find the source of therumour indirectly

Panel 3

Izuho: But at firstIzuho: It was just

Izuho: ‘What if he’s a Neighbour~’

Panel 4

Izuho: But then ‘I saw him during the LargeScale Invasion’Izuho: ‘Tamakoma’s new member is a Neighbour!’

Izuho: Someone started sayingIzuho: And the rumour really caught fire

Panel 1

Konami: Did that guy really see Hus?

Konami: Not just saying the first thingthat came to their heads for attention?

Izuho: I think that’s probably it

Panel 2

Izuho: My eyes are really good

Izuho: But Hus-sempai was so far away Icouldn’t see his face

Izuho: Even though I noticed Ochibi-sempai byhis hair colour right away

Panel 3

Izuho: Even looking at him now

Izuho: I wouldn’t think he’s the Neighbourfrom that time

Panel 4

Konami: Besides, how would you even

Konami: Come to the conclusion thatKonami: ‘The Neighbour from the Large Scale Invasion has become a Borderagent’?

Hus: Because it’s a rumourHus: As long as it’s provocative, it works

Panel 1

Usami: No, but it’s actually true

Yuuma: Truth is stranger than fiction

Panel 2

Osamu: Well, in any case, we have takenmeasures

Panel 3

Osamu: Make sure you memorise Hus’s‘backstory’Osamu: Then act normally

Chika: Right, got it

Yuuma: Roger

Panel 4

Usami: …oh?

Panel 5

Usami: Our opponents for the final matchhave been decided!

Osamu: …!

Usami: Our next opponents are…

Panel 1

Usami: No.1 Ninomiya squad, No.4 Ikomasquad, and Yuba squad who have risen to No.7

Panel 2

Osamu:Ikoma squad…

Osamu:Ninomiya squad…!

Panel 3

Yuuma: It’ll be our first time going upagainst Yuba squad

Panel 4

Hus: Ikoma…

Ikoma: Sorry

Panel 5

Usami: The rumour issue is worryingUsami: But we need to prepare properly for the match too!

Osamu: …yes!

Panel 1

NextDay

Panel 2

JointSniper Training

Panel 1

BorderHQPublic Relations Department

Azuma: I think we have managed to overwriteit among the C-rank snipers

Panel 2

Azuma: All that’s left isAzuma: How wide the new rumour can spread and…

Panel 3

Azuma: How stubborn the one who said

Azuma: ‘I saw Hus’ is…I believe

Panel 4

Netsuki: Well, I think it’ll be fineNetsuki: But if this is no good

Netsuki: Worst case scenario we will haveto think about using memory sealing measures…

Panel 5

Netsuki: If there are any problems, reportimmediately

Osamu: …understood!

Panel 2

Konami: HmmmKonami: Then it more or less went well, right?

Osamu: …I think so

Osamu: Though we still don’t know whateffect it has yet

Panel 3

Konami: Well, there’s no point thinkingabout it any furtherKonami: Why not think about something else and concentrate on the last match?

*thud*

Panel 4

Osamu: Yes

Osamu: I plan to

Panel 5

Konami: How many people for dinner today?

Usami: Isn’t it just the 4 of us?

Panel 1

Usami: Yuuma-kun is with Zoe-san and theothersUsami: Reiji-san went drinking with Suwa-san and the others

Usami: Torimaru-kun is on defence duty withSuzunariUsami: Jin-san and Hus-kun has gone out with Boss and the others

Panel 2

Konami: Then we’re eating out todayKonami: My treat

Konami: It’s too much bother to cook

Usami: Oooh, how generous!

Panel 3

Konami: Meat. We’re going to go eat meat

Osamu: Thank you for the meal

Panel 4

Jujuen

Panel 5

Konami: No ordering anything too expensive!

Osamu: Roger that

Panel 1

Osamu: Ah

Panel 2

Inukai: Oh?

Panel 3

Osamu: Thank you for your hard work…

Inukai: What a coincidence

1. If we go with the day division happening at about noon (because that’s one of the meanings of the word ‘hiru’ and if so I might actually need to change my translation to noon division) and since the match is about an hour, that means the evening division happens at about 6 (since the aftermatch commentary might take up to half an hour). This is nothing we haven’t inferred before, but I just wanted to lay it out anyway.

2. I know it’s a common theory that these rumours are the plan that Lata hinted at the last time we saw Galopoula, but I can’t help but feel it’s a red herring just because if they have the capability to spread rumours this way wouldn’t they do something more direct with a higher chance of stopping the expedition…? But then again, Ashihara doesn’t really trick the audience through fakeouts, (surprises in World Trigger are usually not because Ashihara chose the less likely option unless it’s only less likely because we the audience don’t have all the facts and/or backstory) so I guess this could be their plan? After all, Izuho makes it sound like the switch to Hus definitely being a Neighbour was very sudden…

3. Anyway, there really is a giant Arashiyama…it is SO OBTRUSIVE

4. Jin really was in Tamakoma First before he became S class. This was a pretty popular theory so it’s nice to see it validated. But does that mean Jin will become part of Tamakoma First again? That’s what this new rumour is suggesting at least

5. It’s always nice to see adults being competent and showing why they are the adults, and World Trigger is really good at that. But another thing it’s good at is showing (and allowing) characters take responsibility for what they’ve taken under their charge.

6. I had Azuma say 'we’ when talking about those who’ve gone on expeditions because that’s the implication when he started talking about it when Osamu mentioned him knowing about Hus. But I just want to point out that in Japanese he does not actually come out and say that HE has been on expeditions, Ashihara loves these kind of word tricks where he lets your expectations blind you (no, I still haven’t forgiven him for that A-rank ranking q&a). But on the other hand, Ashihara also loves Occam’s Razor, so Azuma could have gone on expeditions, especially since he used to be A-rank No.1. And if his A-rank No.1 team really was Ninomiya, Kako and Miwa then they might know too. After all, Kazama was talking about Tamakoma’s Neighbour engineer right in front of Miwa in volume 3 (actually, does this mean Narasaka knows as well, since he was there too?)

7. There are so many theories about who Hatohara might have shot, but most of them are of existing characters while I feel, since this is Ashihara, it’s more likely to be someone we haven’t even met yet. Like someone from Kusakabe squad.

8. I’ve given up on trying to translate ochibi with honorifics into a viable English nickname, though chibi by itself still works if I use 'squirt’.

9. But, man, Izuho doesn’t seem to have much of a reaction to Hus, does she? I wonder how much she knows that she’s okay with it all despite everything that happened to them, especially Chika, during the invasion

10. Yay, Yuba squad! As a reminder of the interesting things to look forward to about Yuba squad: they’re the last upper tier squad to be revealed, they’re Ouji and Kurauchi’s old team, they have quite possibly the last HQ B-rank female character to be introduced (unless Yukari is actually a boy, or one of the masculine names not yet introduced is a female character, unlikely with Ashihara but K did have a male character named Yukari so…), Yuba is our last chance to see a strong dual-weld handgun character since he’s the only dual-weld handgun character who hasn’t been introduced yet and the others are Yuiga and Chano squad (A-rank does have 1 unintroduced single-weld handgun character - Satomi - as well as 2 introduced - Kitora and Miwa, who are strong), and finally Yuba is also one of the characters Jin said was one of the Fuujin candidates (despite being a Gunner) and is called 'Yuba-chan’ by Jin - since so far Jin has used -san or their title for everyone older than him, there is a high chance that Yuba is 19 or younger.

11. But this really does mean we’ve lost the chance to see Urushima in the rank wars, doesn’t it? SIGH

12. So I translated a lot of 'and others’ for the going out for meals part because the Japanese didn’t specify who they’ve gone with, but my guesses are: Yuuma is with the other 18 year olds (but probably not at okonomiyaki again since Usami said 'Zoe-san and others’ not 'Kageura and others’), Reiji is with the other 21 year olds, we know who Suzunari all are, and Jin and Hus are probably with Yuri and Mikhael as well as Rindou - maybe even Youtarou too. Man, as interesting as BBQ with Ninomiya squad is, I want to see all these meetups too.

13. I did not miss the fact that if Tsuji stays in that seat he might end up surrounded by girls lol

14. In conclusion, the next chapter will be the last chapter of volume 20, I’m expecting something good to end the volume.

[coldtomyflash]

Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^;  My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context? 

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there. 

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is - 

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words. 

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because - 

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it. 

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again. 

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because - 

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible. 

But - 

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it! 

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space. 

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management - 

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs. 

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic. 

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help! 

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends! 

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops 

[mybodyliberation]

Wed2B Edinburgh Bridal Review

It would be foolish for me to say that every little girl dreams of trying on wedding dresses because that's simply not true; and to be honest it wasnt until I was about 17 that I would lose myself in hour long day dreams about my future husband and my dream dress.

But those day dreams started when that iconic tv show Say Yes The Dress aired and I found myself fascinated and captivated by satin, tulle, ball gowns and boho sheaths.

So needless to say after years of having not so secret pinterest boards I was prepared and exited to embark on the adventure of finding my dream dress.

Now a few pieces of information about me to get the ball rolling and for reference for the rest of the post and future wedding dress posts.

• Leading up to visiting Wed2B Edinburgh, I had never tried on a wedding dress before.

• My everyday clothing size sits between 18/20

• None of this is an AD, gifted or sponsored in anyway.

• All of these views are my own opinion

• I will also have a short vlog series in the next few weeks documenting my my wedding dress shopping experience for both dress and accessories.

Now that we've got that out of the way let's get down to business, obviously not to defeat the huns but in fact to discuss wedding dresses, any Disney nerds with me?

Now I did all of this in my most recent week off from tour and I did that because if it so happened I needed to order a dress from scratch waiting even an extra 6 weeks until I finish tour meant less time for ordering and alternation etc and keep in mind that with a wedding date of 4th April 2020 only 8 months away that doesn't leave as much time as you think.

Depending on the store and the designer you could need an entire year to order to a dress in advance and so really the earlier you look the better.

This isnt to say you could find something with limited time but it also does mean your limited in your options.

If you are planning to leave things a bit later then actually Wed2B could be an option for you. The reasons behind this are to follow.

We visited the Wed2B Edinburgh store on Wednesday 10th July 2019. As I said it was a perfect time to go because it was my week off and it meant we could go during the day.

I honestly can't recommend this enough because truthfully with a set up like Wed2B going later in the evening or at the weekend is guaranteed to be extremely overwhelming.

This is because this is a no appointment system. You turn up, wait to be seen my a stylist and the process begins there. I can imagine that during busy periods it could take hours to be seen, but we arrived at 2pm.

We were greeted by the lovely Esther, who explained a little bit about the store and what would be happening.

I imagine each stores layout will be different but in Edinburgh each rail represented a size and they start from a size 6 to 30. We were told that depending on the style and cut of the dress it could mean you would need to size up so unfortunately if you're a size 30 and up, I dont know how accessible the dresses will be but it's always worth turning up and trying the dresses on to see.

The rail that I needed was one that had the size 18s onwards. It was one singular rail and there actually wasnt that much of choice. I had named to Esther the dresses I specifically wanted to try on because I had seen them online but they were sold out.

That's another thing there is definitely a demand for their collections which has a lot to do with the fact that the quality is actually great and the prices are low and they do cater to a large amount of sizes. This means that brides will be doing their research, finding the store that has the dress they want, tracking it down, trying it on and purchasing it on the day because theres no guarantee that the dress you try on will be there the next day.

They have deliveries every week but it doesn't mean it will be the specific dress you're looking for or your size. Also their limited collections tend to sell out within weeks especially if the design of the dress happens to be what is popular at the moment. For example they have a design that looks very similar to Meghan Markle's wedding dress that was in the shop window, this was sold out and within two weeks and that's that.

When we got to my rail it seemed there wasnt that much in terms and options, and considering three out of four of the dresses I had seen online and wanted to try on weren't available, I wasn't too hopeful but I used this as an opportunity to try on a dress in each style.

You have a four dress try on maximum which seems like it wouldn't be enough but for an first bridal appointment turned out to be perfect. Anything above four dresses for your first time in hindsight would have been way too overwhelming if I'm honest with myself.

So knowing I could pick four dresses I decided to try something in each style. Ballgown with sleeves (my preferred style of choice), A Line, fitted (mermaid), and another ballgown but with off the shoulder straps. I didn't try on any sheaths because there were none in my size but also it felt too far from what I wanted.

Once we picked the dress it was explained that the way it worked we would come back in an hour. You see because it's no appointment, it means that the stylists work with brides on a sort of rolling system. While one bride gets welcomed and makes selections, another bride is trying dresses on with another stylist. It's not a perfect system but we weren't too upset.

Esther took my number and myself and my mum and sisters went to go and have some tea while we waited and there was only one bride in front of me anyway so it didnt seem like the end of the world to wait.

When we came back we were greeted by Esther again and introduced to MC Ruth who ended up being the stylist actually putting dresses on me.

She was such a sweetheart and out the gate asked me how I was and if I had any major concerns which as a bride I think is important but as a plus size bride is even more important because there might be a lot of insecurities and fears at play.

I was blessed to not have any in that particular moment, I was just excited to get trying some on.

As I said they suggested sizing up from your everyday clothes size. So we decided to start with the dress that I liked but they only had in my regular size of 18 (this was star) I wanted to see the off the shoulder style but was also curious to see how small a size 18 in bridal would actually run.

Now we were actually able to get in with not much trouble and I think that honestly had a lot to do with the corest back which gives a lot more room than something with buttons or a zip might have. Though keep in mind if you end up in this situation and loving the dress, you might have to get the panel extended in the back.

I loved the sparkle and the tulle and though the off the shoulder was cute it just wasnt what I envisioned myself walking down the aisle in.

I'm glad I tried it on but it wasnt what I was looking for.

The next two dresses I tried on were the ones completely out of the style I wanted. One satin A Line with with lace embroidery across the waist and then a fitted mermaid dress with rauching across the bodice. Both....were just not what I wanted.

The first A Line dress instantly aged me because of the high neckline and the boxy cut over all. I got in trouble with Pastor J for joking and saying it was like I was a divorcee wanting to get a no fuss dress for a registry. This was probably my super un-PC way of saying it aged me. I felt like someone else entirely in that dress and I honestly couldn't wait to get it off me.

The latter dress was a surprise because in my head I was adamant I wouldn't like a fitted dress for a wedding (though I love them in any other circumstance because I'm here for a bit of body-ody-ody) but I thought I looked great. I just didnt look bridal. In fact it reminded me a lot of one of my costumes from my time in Aladdin and I didn't want to say yes to a dress that reminded me of playing a part.

The last thing you want to feel on you and future bae's special day, is like you're playing a version of yourself you dont feel comfortable with.

NOW the last dress, Kate. That was a contender. It had so many qualities that I had considered. Beautiful lace sleeves, a tulle skirt and the waist line fell in just the place I wanted it to.

When I put it on we all gasped because it was so beautiful. I felt beautiful and bridal and got a bit teary...but I also felt really overwhelmed because as much as I loved it....it just wasn't the one.

I truly felt beautiful and I loved how much my mum and my sisters loved it but in that moment I felt so strongly that it wasnt it. I thought I cant find THE dress is one shopping experience but in hindsight it wasnt what was holding me back, I just didnt feel like myself yet.

It was so so close, close enough for me to put a deposit down, close enough for me to know that if I had to end up tracking it down in my size in a different Wed2B I would....but I felt strong in my gut and my spirit that my search wasn't yet done.

I knew that if I left feeling settled and not second my guess that it wasnt right and that rang true as I got home and looked at the pictures again....the search was still on.

[kaiser-king]

Wow I'm surprised i was tagged XP. Anyway here goes

1. Name: Thai

2. Nickname: Rat mostly. Occasionally close friends tease me and call me rat daddy

3. Zodiac: Taurus may 12th

4. Height: i believe a solid 6 feet if not just under

5. Languages: english, though i hope to learn german and icelandic someday

6. Nationality: USA from the south specifically

7. Favorite season: Autumn. I much prefer the change from warmth to cool. It just has the most natural feeling i guess.

8. Favorite Flower: not too sure. I don't focus on them much

9. Favorite scent: a good homecooked grill. Especially with any kind if meat. The scent of Ribs and Burgers made just right get me drooling.

10. Favorite color: dark greens and oranges.

11. Favorite animal: i know this may come as a surprise from me, but rats are number one in my heart. Intelligent, social, and just look at the adorable little things!

12. Favorite fictional character: i make so many in my head for stories I may or may never make i might as well have a family of them. So not to sound narcissistic but i guess my own. I put so much care into my own i don't notice a lot of popular fiction anymore.

13. Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: eh i can take or leave any of it. Sweet tea if i had to choose though I'm more ofa soda drinker

14. Average hours of sleep: they go all over the place. Either i go to bed round 11pm and wake up at 11am or i sleep at 3am and wake up at 6am. My schedule is all kinds of Fucked haha.

15. Cat or dog person: i can go either way. My family has had both throught my life. Probably dogs more because of the cuddles they give and the better chance of survival and a working companion if i end up living in the woods or something

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: usually one is enough for me. Just make sure it's a heavy thick blanket

17. Dream trip: all around the world honestly. Everywhere in the world has such amazing culture and stories hiw could i pick just one?

18. Blog established: i don't remember. I made it on a whim and disappeared from it for like what a year or two before coming back a year or two ago?

19. Followers: i don't like to keep track. I only occadionally look in there so i can weed out the bots that slipped in. All i do is shitpost or share the occasional political hot take so i don't think many people would find me all that interesting anyways.

20. A random fact: well i dunno how random it is but i try to write stories occasionally. Never published or finished any but i write a lot whenever i get the inkling to.

I shall tag some good friends @cosmic-artzz @abi-sain @classofthetoptrash @flowerthornsart these are the four tumblrs i can consider myself good friends with anyway.

I was tagged by @wybielune

Rules: Answer 20 questions, tag 20 bloggers that you want to get to know better.

1. Name: Elisabet or Fynnley

2. Nickname: Elisa, Fynn, or “Godsdammit Elisa!” (courtesy of a bestie who will absolutely be tagged)

3. Zodiac sign: Virgo, Aquarius rising

4. Height: 5'2″ I’m tiny

5. Languages: English and used to be conversational in ASL but I could probably still manage a basic interaction

6. Nationality: Descendant of white settlers living on Turtle Island (US)

7. Favourite season: Autumn. Leaves go cronch. Pumpkins and spoopy season!

8. Favourite flower: Gerber Daisies. They’re so colorful and bright. They seem like happy flowers. 

9. Favourite scent: Sandalwood, leather, and patchouli. I also love the smell of frankincense. 

10. Favourite colour: Blues and greens usually. I also love lavender.

11. Favourite animal: Octopuses, they’re so much smarter than us in ways we can’t begin to measure.

12. Favourite fictional character: I haven’t had much chance to read fiction in years lately. Trauma, unfortunately, makes comprehension really hard. I can read academic writings easier than relaxing and reading a novel. The last book I read was Wintersong based on Labyrinth and I found the depiction of the Goblin King complex, heartbreaking, and endearing at the same time. 

13. Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate: I used to be a coffee addict, but I can’t really have it on my meds. Tea every day. Hot chocolate if it’s really good hot chocolate

14. Average hours of sleep: Used to be 9 hours, now that I’m on meds for mental health I seem to max at 6-7. So that’s cool. I get more done in a day.

15. Cat or dog person: I’m an animal person in general but cats are more conducive to my hectic lifestyle. Plus my cats seem to take care of me with their cuddles and purring😅

16. Number of blankets you sleep with: Freezing in the room, tons of blankets. Yessss

17. Dream Trip: Tibet, Scotland, Wales, and Sweden. Any, all. 

18. Blog established: 2015 I think? 

19. Followers: Last I checked somewhere between 5200-5300? I don’t check follower numbers often for my sanity.

20. A random fact: I was in a road accident about 7 years back and sometimes my back hurts so bad that I sleep in a hammock instead of a bed to sort it out. 

Tagging

@skaldish  @witchofkeys @ittybittydragonfox @foxwitchcarling @thatwaywardwolf @witchofremnants @will-o-the-witch @themusicalheathen @torque-witch @thesongofawinterwolf @lechuzita-0v0 @nonbinary-hawke @anothersusurrus @growing-yet-into-magic @trollkatt @swamp-rat-king @disgraceful-hag 

Ohh bugger, I can’t find 20, that’s too many! Rule extension: up to 20 bloggers, do as many as you can :)