#anyways i need to go bc i am so not okay rn!!!!!!
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Hiiii i am back from work and am. Spiraling
#it genuinely feels like im getting dimentia#or maybe just a super severe internal psychosis episode#i reaallly wish the CEO of my workplace fucking killed himself after turning the place into a non profit#this shit is legitimately killing me#i have zero freetime#i havent showered all weed#week#and i havent done my laundry either#and i also just now foujd out that Ill very likely be moving in 2 months instead of the expected 6#andlike.#everyone at my work wont make me forget that things get chaotic when im not there solike.#which is too much responsibility on a 21 year old#but it makes me wanna throw up and commit horrific acts of violence bc ik everything will crash once i leave but like#like i said. iM ONLY TWENTY ONE AND HAVE ZERO TIME TO EVEN GET IMPORTANT MEDICAL AND LEGAL SHIT DONE!!!!#lET ALONE EVEN BE A 21 YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!#if my morning coworker wasnt the actual best coolest and most stimulating person in my life right now i would be in prison right now#nofucking joke i need someone to see just how not okay i am bc im tearing off my flesh for everyone and im getting down to the bones#and once i get down to the bones i will just straight up explode#like book a bus ticket to troy and uh....#anyways i need to go bc i am so not okay rn!!!!!!#tony speaks#tony vents
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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☆ decadence divine [ act I ]
{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k
ARLECCHINO
Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.
She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.
They weren't making it easy, however.
Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.
Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.
Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.
All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.
"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."
Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.
Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.
NEUVILLETTE
Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.
Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.
He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.
Now a masquerade.
He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.
So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.
Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.
No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.
Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?
He dares not ponder.
Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.
"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.
"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..
He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.
"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.
He had waited too long.
No longer.
FURINA
Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.
But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..
They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.
Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.
They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.
But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.
Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.
She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.
Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.
But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.
"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.
Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.
Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.
She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.
"But if you want to make it up to me.."
#genshin impact#genshin impact yandere#genshin yandere#neuvillette x reader#yandere neuvillette#yandere neuvillette x reader#arlecchino x reader#yandere arlecchino#yandere arlecchino x reader#furina x reader#yandere furina#yandere furina x reader#fic tag#pats neuvillette this noodle dragon can be so pathetic#aiming for pathetic desperate and slightly guilty. it gnaws at him knowing he's keeping you like a bird in a cage#esp if you react extremely negatively hes like a kicked puppy#not outwardly but internally hes a MESS. sobbing crying wailing#furina and neuvi sopping wet kittens u found in a cardboard box in an alley#vs arle thinking abt all the crimes shes going 2 commit in the process w/o an ounce of guilt. blackmail? check. kidnapping? check.#a little murder for flavor. as u can see im coping horribly w being practically snowed in rn i need 2 be put down#its like 4 degrees out rn (fahrenheit) and getting colder ueueueue i am dying..........#only thing keeping me going is my furinameow plushie coming. eventually. staying strong just for her.................#also needs 2 be mentioned all the stories r separate ksjfkhdsf#no not everyone in fontaine is yan and trying 2 kidnap sorry for getting ur hopes up..#yet#anyway u cant convince me arle isn't bribing (or just straight up forcing) her agents into doing stupid shit so she can “save” you#and make you owe her#two silly goofy little creatures vs the personification of gaslight gatekeep girlboss (heavy on the gaslight)#also split this up in 3 parts bc. lol. lmao. im not writing 9 characters at once goodbye#also all the masks do actually have significance i have an entire essay on why i gave each animal to specific characters okay
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NEW BLORBO ALERT
Your honour I've seen two (2) episodes and im in love with him
#the librarians#foxie rambles#okay so found out that there are in fact THREE movies before the show whoopsies#i will be watching those for This Guy#but guys. Guys. they literally had a whole fcuckigjfksks father son momentjdkska IN THE SECOND EPISODE GUYSUDJDJDJDD THEY CANT DO THIS TO ME#I WAS ALREADY ATTACHED BEFORE FINDING OUT THERES A FATHER SON DUO#i mean is the dad dead#yes BUT WHO CARESJSKS#“You know I never had a father.” “I never had a son... We're both liars.”#THEYRE LIARS BC THEY ARE FATHER AND SON GUYS IM SO ILL IDC IMMMMM I NEED TO WATCH THESE MOVIES NOW WHAT THE FUCKKK#anyways besides that. I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE ALL THE CHARCTERS OHKYGOD???#also wtf albert from 911 is in this show HELLOOO???#hes so skrunkly i love him#i gen love all of the characters sm#cowboy dude is so fucking hilarious HIS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE ON POINTTTTT#love the guardian character too she is so bamf she slays so hard#and i love the other girl (i am so bad at names gimme a few more eps)... shes so :( she reminds me of reid from criminal minds#and the HUG?!??!?#HELLOOOO#istg if she and this Blorbo form a father daughter dynamic it will ruin me IT WILL BE THE END OF ME#anyways i gen just love the found family vibes going on rn#this show is SO goofy i love it#it has so much whimsy too rahhshshshs#but yeah This Blorbo is so dr who wilbur soot core#i looooveeee him#im so excited for this show omgogmgomgomg
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#dan and phil#weed#besties i am so high rn i am losing it#i took like one too many bong hits#started playing flight rising on the desktop computer bc it loads so much faster than my chromebook#opened youtube to have something on the second monitor#found dan and phil's fuckin lofi album???#lost my absolute shit about it#went to post about it from tumblr mobile but wanted to make this meme to do it justice so pulled up a meme editor on my desktop#(the meme editor had so many advanced text options since when have meme editors come this far??)#anyway made the meme realized my phone is at super low battery so decided to just log on to tumblr to post it directly from the desktop#even though i'm nearly exclusively a mobile user now and have been for years#so i have to log in to tumblr and now i'm experiencing making a post from the desktop site while still pretty blitzed#is it firefox that allows me to edit the tags after i've typed them or is that a desktop thing now#oh shit do i have any extensions on#depending on what imported from chrome when i changed my browser like six months ago this may be some sort of extension#whatever it is im okay with it this is great#i'm having such a good time right now genuinely#also watched chappell roan's hot to go music video for the first time during an interlude in the whole meme making process#there is currently a restoration video playing in the other tab that's been going for 10 minutes while i've been making this post#this is me living my best life honestly#i need at least one person to acknowledge the journey of tags on this post if only so i know I'm not alone in knowing my experience
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valorant catgirls on the brain again .... fade this time :3
#fade#valorant#hazal eyletmez#sorry for no art for a while ! i have been um . going thru it#this month has been the worst for a long time i am having a lot of SHit Happen ALL AT ONCE but i keep trucking#🥺👍#my car kaboomed . and i need to buy a new one . and everything costs so much#+other financial shit happening BUT ITS FINE BC I HAVE A BUNCH OF CONS NEXT MONTH#i am goign to be exhausted but i am going to be okay . staying strong staying positive crying a lot but thats fine it is like that sometimes#hope life is treating yall better than me rn <3#sorry for spontaneous vent in tags on unrelated art oops#anyway ! :D#i will be at adelaide ozcc next weekend / melbozcc the following weekend / sydnova the weekend after that !#ALSO super lookign forward to smash and avcon in july !!!! will have new merch for them if they arrive in time :]#but yes . back to binging totk to cope :] maybe new link art when i have free time again i love him so fuckign much its insane#mwah#my art
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Let's say chocolate is a metaphor for traditional relationships that happen to appear good but are too sickly sweet for Sanji to handle and after WCI he ends up not liking chocolate. At least for a while. He needs to move on from what happened first. But he wants to force himself to like it because he should like chocolate. It is one of the most basic ingredients when making sweets and it is also everywhere.
So what if it makes him want to throw up? What if his stomach betrays him when cooking? What if he needs to stop every two seconds to breathe because his lungs don't work properly when he smells chocolate? He will keep trying and trying to make it work. Everybody loves chocolate, after all, he should too.
But then, one day, Usopp sees everything he has around the kitchen. Like. That's an awful lot of sweets and a disgusting amount of chocolate and he doesn't seem like he has slept in a week. So of course he is concerned. "Why- What's all of this about, Sanji?" He tries to hide his nervousness with a laugh.
Sanji grips the counter tighter. So much his knuckles turn white. "I- I don't know. I guess I was just. In the mood for chocolate." But he doesn't sound sure at all. In fact, he looks like he's about to cry.
"Well." He looks around the room without wanting to touch anything but approaching Sanji a bit to check on him. "Luffy can have all of my portions because I kind of... Not like chocolate?"
"You don't- You don't like chocolate?"
"No? Too sweet. I actually pretty much hate it? The smell already makes me ill."
"Me too."
"You what?"
"I think I don't- I don't think I like chocolate anymore. Is that- I don't know if I ever did. Is that alright?"
"Why wouldn't it be alright, Sanji? It's just chocolate. Nobody can force you to eat it. Or cook it if you really don't want to."
And Sanji realizes that maybe... Maybe it is alright for him to not want chocolate, and a wave of relief takes over him for a solid second.
#sometimes i think about sanji and his internalized homophobia#he's a bit too much like me it's scary-- anyway#i don't like chocolate that much either like. talking literally here#so maybe sanji looks a little gayer and less bi in this post but have you considered that i needed to make it like this bc i'm projecting#i have no idea where i wanted to go with this. chocolate in theory are like. just the concept of traditional m/f relationships#but it ended up looking more like girls in general and look. look. maybe. maybe it's okay for sanji to be a little gay in this one#usopp has absolutely no idea what's going on but he just knows sanji is very very fucked up and needs help rn#also something something usopp doesn't like chocolate and sanji forces himself to like it until he realizes he doesn't have to#idk i don't think he hates chocolate in this one maybe he just needs a little more time to like. eat chocolate#what the fuck am i saying this doesn't make any sense i just woke up i am so sorry#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#one piece#whole cake island
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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags#cw personal#once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says#THEY don't#they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated#like will she take my insurance or not who's right here#anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now#why the hell is this so hard man#the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain#once again no one knows what they're talking about#like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds#and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover#*contracted#not retyping all of that#and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim#and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart#and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH#like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles#the bureaucracy is INSANE#i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second#and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH#literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times#like not on the phone after I hung up obvs
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423 spoilers in the tags <3
#this is the last thing i'm going to say abt this chapter until the next one comes out#bc it really ain't over til it's over!!! and i've seen some great theories about what's going to happen already#but i can have a little nervous ramble as a treat#okay that should be enough words that these tags will be Hidden at first glance#but basically#i feel like this ch is the mha equivalent of 'somehow palpatine returned'#bc it singlehandedly undoes the Whole Point of the story#(unless obv we walk it back in the next one)#like. the Whole Point of star wars was anakin skywalker bringing balance to the force#by killing darth sidious#'somehow palpatine returned' wasn't just stupid#it literally was antithetical to the story itself#and this kind of feels like that#with the added 'benefit' of absolutely destroying your main character's arc#like. i can't even begin to articulate how ??? i am#but like i said!! i've seen some great theories about how we're gonna pull the whole uno reverse#so i am patiently waiting#but i am. nervous.#anyway fake dating & fantasy au are GREAT fics to be working on rn#save me mha aus. mha aus save me#i will probably delete this later btw i just needed to let the steam escape like a very quiet tea kettle#liza blather#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#manga spoilers
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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#am i having a mental breakdown? yes.#but thats not whats important#whats important is that im having a mental breakdown in BRASIL 🔥🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷💯💯💯🇧🇷🔥🇧🇷🇧🇷🔥💯💯🇧🇷🔥🇧🇷‼️💯‼️🔥🔥🇧🇷🔥‼️‼️‼️#no but fr today is not!!!! a great day!!!! but thats okay bc it will pass and tomorrow i get to have churrasco!!#maybe. as long as its sunny. please pray for it to be sunny i fucking need this its the only thing keeping me going rn#anyway i am just gonna try and empty out my queue real fast so if you send me a message and i dont respond#please know that i love you and im sorry and i just have absolutely no mental capacity for anything rn#but i will see it and smile and will respond as soon as my will to live returns!!! ♥️#personal
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new muse about to show up via a reblog here in a few mins but don't blame me, @fallesto encouraged me repeatedly and peer pressure just works too well tbh
#🌊 ( ooc ) : mun talking#i had to go with the flower bouquet emoji bc it was the closest thing for him . god forbid i ever need it though#anyway he won't have a muse page for awhile but he will be used in a draft here soon so#technically zag did NOT ! go back on his word thank you#okay anywayz . i am not online rn but hiii everyone#⏸ ( offline ) : queue have to be joshin' with me
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one of these days i will go to bed at a decent time instead of working on projects until midnight 🧍
#girl u need to SLEEP ‼️‼️#me every day: wrow im so extra tired lately ... crazy .... if only there was smth i could do abt it ...#like im gonna be tired no matter what (chronic f.atigue) but. perhaps i could be a little less tired if i slept more LMAO#tomorrow i am going to finish off some cleaning and then maybe ... go to the park? and perhaps purchase an ice cream....#they are so expensive ... like $6 cad but... tomorrow is special so maybe i can let myself have one as a treat :]#I DUNNO I will have to look at the bus schedule and figure it out bc my dads also helping me clean some spiderwebs tomorrow#so it depends on when he has a moment to help me fjdkdl i wish i could just do it on my own but i got dizzy and ill when i tried yesterday#SIGH. alas! i am just glad he's okay with helping me w smth so small djfkfl i just need to make sure things are clean otherwise before that#BUT ANYWAYS IM THE RAMBLING RAMBLER RN. unintentional life update from juno i guess LOL#im determined to make this weekend good fjdkdl i need a Good Weekend bc next week i get down to business w welfare application process#dandy.cmd
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been telling my siblings 'you would NOT make it in vulcan academy' when they do smth goofy recently and nobody's been able to refute lol
#just me hi#listen here you little idiot... [<- fond]#anyway i've been doing this for months and it brings me much joy hbfhsvh#to me it's just an academy. with vulcans. and they are NOT getting enrolled loll#//so speaking of siblings i've been off and about with my dad more often#which is cool but that means spending a lot more time away from my siblings and ouhhrhrhrhrhrhrhhghhhhhhhhh#[tears in eyes]#my buddies :( Where Are My Buddies :( lmaoo#staring out car windows yearnily bc i want my brother's opinion + dumb joke combo on some random thought i had but he's miles AWAYYYYYYYYYY#i'm home rn but like. Man hfbhsfbvh#//oh man but here was one time one of them used the academy thing on me and i could only sputter. touche motherfunker lolllll#//anyway i am exploding all of them with my mind [<- endearing]#my youngest siblings do art (because they saw me doing it [funkin dies and explodes and cries and stares at a wall forever] lol <3) and#they're ! ! ! ! ? ? ? ?#leo does humanoids + has a more geometric style atm and it's really cool!! he keeps asking me to help him draw hands but he asks me at like#1 a.m. when my brain isn't working practically anymore so it's just me going 'yea and the thumb bone connects to the hip bone. +~Somehow~+#[mystery chimes]' and then he goes off on some sort of random thought and we are derailed forever hgbbfhsh#and ruff is so good at drawing animals it's insane. like have you seen this kid's cats they are Sick ! ! ! i genuinely did a double-take#when i saw her stuff a couple months ago loll#/and then my older siblings are v into video games#which is cool bc if i am ever bored they have like 5000 things that i can suffer on while we all laugh hfbhsfhv#i think i'm still helping test one of apollo's games that he's working on -#he's learning code and all kinds of cool stuff - also he's insanely good at blender like Woauhghsgh. wizard shizz hbfhsvb#+ reed helps him w/ that bc i believe he's the architecture guy lol :) - also it turns out reed n i share a lot of opinions on media and#stuff so that's awesome :D he didn't know what whump was but he liked all the points of it so i tried explaining that to him the best i#could hbshfv o7#+ chess has been trying to convince me to give him + leo a ~mystery~ story to play and i finally caved lmjfhsjf#he's real good at the clues it's going well :3 i am scared for my life HFBVhsfvh#also trying to convince him to play kartrider w/ me again cuz i have leo on it now and we need a 3rd okay-to-decent player in our soon-to-b#posse Loll :33 //i ran out of tag space... ouhhh..... okay then.. ciao ciao toodles :D
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ENOUGH!!!!!
#tmi in tags btw#okay I need to rant about this bc I am so pent up with no outlet#I am literally. so sexually frustrated. being a lesbian in small town Midwest is HELL. I’m TELLING YOU.#why are the only people in my area couples looking for a unicorn#like I am going to scream. is it too much to ask for a fwb without having to move to a city like goddamn.#anyway. lmao#rambles#eating both my hands rn
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#i am so drained tbh lmao#the last few weeks took all of me.. i don't think i have ever been this tired in my life tbh.. like yk when you get 1h of rest before#going to sleep and it feels so rare and so precious?#literally been making a schedule for every waking hour of the week these days and there are never enough of them#idk i know i get excited about fics and the stories ill still post and writing them def brings me joy but i just lack energy these days#sometimes i worry i might have to close the blog/leave bc idk how to properly be here anymore and i worry that i might come too late#when everyone's left this blog too :') or stopped caring it's so stupid bc i know we all love each other here.. just bc my energy's missing#it's also why im not capable of answering asks rn but i see them and i will answer pls never stop sending them.. during harsh days they're#my serotonin#dunno.. just so drained by people and the stress :') and other than that my migraines have gotten so bad these days they come back so often#i really don't like to whine but i need a place to let this out after weeks and months of.... this :')#ill probably delete this and it's okay if literally nobody sees.. im just tired and i need a hug lmao sigh#anyways#back to reading c&f!! ill go and write a bit of entertainer
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