#anyways i have a lot of feelings about the owl house and im glad its around right now as a distraction thats in a happier way

[daystarvoyage]

Luz Shouldve Been Dressed By A POC (Person Of Color Or Luz Batista To Show Better Cultural & POC Reprensation)

Hello Tumblers, This is kyoko cane of daystar voyage, as a proud black person who’s genderqueer who makes content creations On Pop culture such as Cosplay & drag, I do talk on Animation & Family Entertainment So glad to get this topic cause what we see on tv can be put into reality, Now (Disclaimer)

I will not accept hate on the daystar voyage anyone who can’t handle different opinions, ship whatever (unless legal) if not walk out or off this spaceship into a asteroid belt and black hole

Don’t hate appreciate.

One more thing I do love my girl Luz pilot outfits, there goals however wish they had time to put patterns into her clothes often, like I said in my hootview

However the female cast had a better closet then her, and I did discuss that in my video, for some time they did make her dress in a shonen archetype, (which I made a post about her hair) or an spicy Latina Which of of course personality wise too, (cause she’s made to be the gender non confirming character) but excuse all that cause in a way, the staff shoulda hired someone whos Either Afro, African American Or Latin to dress this girl.

Oh boy now that im done rewatching The Owl House there’s so much in store soon anyway,

I do feel its time to start this short post, I have a fashion hootview which is the intermission so there’s still a lot to come meantime, finished my rewatch of The Owl House as an animation lover,

Lets discuss this topic at hand,

2020s animators need to take notes on costuming & style tips to make characters stand out in environments and to treat there characters better in fashion or color coordination,

yes you can have a color coded character and not rely of a main palette to be able to bring out there features & complexion,

Animators need to take notes, how to properly show kids & there audience that good clothing could be put onto a character of any occasion & not have to rely on sexuality or Stereotype (Disney Programs have a hit or miss on certain shows.)

while proper fashion can do justice, that goes into making a franchise and making a product to sell for marketability in retail & consumers.

if the character or product can be sold with a great design if executed flawless by character, design, costuming, and the app that comes within the series,

This goes to the fandom cause there might be future artistsor small indie creators reading this who probably never read, or look up fashion brands, magazines either hot couture or brand clothing and don’t have that knowledge But that shouldn’t stop you from being able to experiment with different color palettes on what goes into your art.

The fandom needs a wake up call that not only is everything’s perfect and people have the right to critic and criticize a show or any form of art.

cause fandoms today has a self righteous way of bullying others of different opinions and ostracizing others and ithas to stop,

Here’s a quick tv trope in color-coded characters, & a Toonsmag article on fashion in animation.

Marketability is a important factor, industries rely on that to make the money off of that series, be a cartoons or projects,

it impacts the character and representation that kids see when they purchase said item and teaching kids, see good representation within media can matter if done right.

Especially POCs if executed well however

DONW BELOW in some cases miraculous ladybug fumbles it hard, at one point had all the poc of color (EXAMPLE limited to alya and nino if not max be lighter tones on there merch.)

You know lighting character's skin tones like Alya and other brown or dark skin characters, on their products & merch (bad ethnic representation award goes to them).

Not to mention the whole Vas underpaid controversy, that’s been discussed countless times.

(still disappointed about there business decisions)

I appreciate the love of anyone who can view and read this article if you gotten this far,

thanks for reading make sure to check my Tumblr and YouTube vlog cause so much of this particular series I’m gonna debunk

The show had a-lot going for it however feel flat including in the fashion department along miraculous ladybug that’s another thing to be discuss OH BOY so anyway

here’s an example of the video game art of Guilty Gear showing great costume progress years later

always educate yourself cause I do want my platform to show variety on what I offer creatively and semi-education-wise to be able to let people be inspired and that you don't need to follow trends, thank you very much seeya on the next space voyage.

[violet-amet]

owl house spoilers, and thinking back on what could had been. so yeah. rambling again. but, i will say, i loved it, and it left me an emotional mess. not as much as ffxiv's shadowbringers and endwalker, but still p good without comparison.

i enjoyed the ending tbh. i love titan-luz esp. there was a lot of things i found interesting in the world building, that i wish that if the series wasnt cancelled, could had been properly explored with time, and king can unite with his father, but unfortunately... yeah. but you know, despite all the good, i do feel that having the big bad have so much mystery, but no time to explore makes his death a bit weak.

like it feels good to have him beaten down as he was, and killed straight up, but i wish i could had learned more about his backstory. his reason to be there. yes luz caused him to get where he is, but like, thats only one piece to a bigger puzzle that is the big bad's story.

i wish i could had learn more about the collector's kind. what really happened to them and what happened to the titans. i wish we could had learned more about the collector as well, because giving just three episodes to the other big "bad" isnt enough, imo, to grown attached to him. but i do think he is adorable. just a kid with too much power and too little guidance. its a shame really.

thing is, im just a viewer, not a writer, and so idk what happened or what the creators were thinking to make what they did, but i still enjoyed it. there was too much that disney missed out on, and honestly, i wish the owl house existed when i was a kid. it would make me feel proud to not only be hispanic, like i always wanted a hispanic heroine, but also glad to be weird and different. im glad that this show exists for kids that exist today.

but it is what it is. im not angry at the mouse, im more angry at the people who direct the mouse. the mouse isnt to be blamed here.

anyway thats just summoning up my thoughts on it, and i nearly did cry at the end, to see a proper happy ending after so long. i havent finished steven universe, because i heard that the ending for that is p bad, and like, honestly, i just watched a few episodes of future, and felt content with just finishing it off pre-movie. but i know that even su suffered a lot from corp meddling. it sucks.

still, despite corp nonsense, im glad these shows are being made today, and for future gens to enjoy. i hope to see more shows like these continue to be made, despite corp nonsense. i want to see more good stories.

[rrxnjun]

tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)

idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general

ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!

YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️

it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘

(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)

EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him

WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶

AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u ���� i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more

I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually

awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!

IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Love when tumblr just

Refreshes and scrolls me all the way back up the moment I decide to switch away for a minutes

[misty-feathers]

Okay okay Im still not over the idea of bucky knitting a sweater for sam !! husband behavior!!!!

When bucky gives it to sam at first he laughs bc the sweater, lets be honest, looks a bit silly. Bucky ran out of the main color he was using so the left sleeve and half of the right one are a different color (he swears it wasnt intentional) and its got a big lopsided star on the chest and theres some knots (but otherwise its pretty impressive for a first timer) and the sleeves are so wide for no reason (except maybe buckys always thinking about sams hunky biceps). ANYWAYS so sam kinda laughs like ‘where did you get this’ and bucky confesses he made it and the smile slips right off sams face. He looks at the sweater, at bucky, at the sweater again and asks so quietly ‘you made this, buck?’. And bucky cant tell if sam is horrified or surprised so hes getting real nervous cause sams just staring at it. ‘Yeah well but uh you dont have to wear it or anything! I know it doesnt even get cold here…’ but as bucky babbles, sam is putting the sweater on and he looks down at himself and absolutely beams and then jumps into buckys arms ‘you cranky dork, i love it! i love it so much!’ And then he runs into the bathroom to look in the mirror and actually cackles cause hes so excited abt this sweater. Bucky is blushing so hard and trying to hide how glad he is.

When sam wears it to sarahs house for the third day in a row shes like ‘wow sam, okay we get it, you love your boyfriend’ and sams like ‘naw this is legit the comfiest thing ive ever worn! Bucky used organic yarn or some shit cause its super soft!’ And sarah feels it and holy shit it is really soft. And when they have a little family get together at the wilsons, people just keep coming back to sam for hugs because hes so cozy !! Especially AJ and sam doesnt know why his nephew is hugging him so much when they see each other all the time till he notices AJ rubbing his cheek on sams shoulder and he bursts out laughing ‘oh i see how it is! you only love me for my sweater!’ And buckys of course just hopeless, he cant keep his hands off sam, its like hugs from behind all day every day, pressing his nose into the space btw sams shoulder blades cause it is really soft but also cause buckys heart flutters a little bit every time he sees sam wearing it.

+bonus

Sam doesnt even notice till sarah says something. Bucky had knitted two little wings on the back and when sam sees them he absolutely loses it. Hes running around trying to find bucky who hears sam yelling so hes almost worried ‘christ, calm down! are you okay? whats wrong?’ And sam doesnt even tell him, he just starts kissing all over buckys face and muttering ‘youre adorable’ and ‘best gift ever’ and ‘i cant believe you’.

BEE IM M E L T I N G,, I LOVE THIS

i cant stop thinking about how bucky would have had to spend a lot of time working on it in secret,,,, personally im a huge fan of early bird sam (see what i did there lmao) and night owl bucky so maybe bucky works on it when sam is sleeping,,, maybe when bucky can't sleep he works on it so he has something to focus on that's repetitive and soothing,,, also when you're knitting for someone you also think about them a lot so working on this sweater is super calming for bucky in two ways

also he joins a local knitting circle to re-learn knitting. while he may have known knitting from growing up in the 40s when war knitting was a big thing he's definitely pretty rusty also knitting patterns have changed A LOT since the 40s i'll spare you the infodump though lol i just love the mental image of a knitting circle of a few older ladies and some hipstery young people and then bucky. his best friend is an older lady and she gives him relationship advice once he tells her why he's relearning knitting but in return he's gotta take her dancing sometime. he's genuinely excited about it

hm also how would he get sam's measurements,,, i know the best way would be to steal one of sam's sweaters and measure that but i choose to believe he called up shuri (since she made the cap suit) and was like i need to know sam's measurements and she made fun of him. except the sleeves he was indeed thinking of sam's hunky biceps and was like yeah sam's arms are so nice i don't need to do sleeve shaping

when it's done bucky doesn't like it because of all the mistakes but he decides to give it to sam anyway, he can play it off as a joke gift that sam doesn't have to actually wear, but when sam puts it on and tells him he loves it,,,, well bucky is so happy he gets a little choked up

sam wears it All The Time and y e s hugs from behind whenever bucky sees,,, mayhaps sam catches on to this at some point also and wears the sweater when he wants extra hugs or even just because the sweater itself feels kinda like a hug since it's really warm and soft and also bucky made it for him

[salemcat09]

Imagine Bill and Fleur finding a stray cat. And it being like a relief for Bill to know that small animals aren’t scared of him, but he finds out he’s hella allergic. Just some like cute fluff with the smallest bit of angst.

SJDKSJOW IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS Bill loving cats but being really allergic is a huge hc of mine and I needed an excuse to write bluer fluff! (this took forver im sorry)

Bill and Fleur walked along the beach below their house, sand between their toes. The pair spent a lot of time doing this recently, it was the only way to keep the memories of the war out of their minds. Fleur hated the feeling of water though so they kept their distance from the sea.

Swinging their linked hands they laughed together at a story Bill was telling. Everything seemed to be going alright for once. They'd been walking for a while and were getting tired, it was only lunchtime but they'd been on the beach since early morning. There was a stone wharf, not far away, and Fleur suggested they stop their for at bit and sit in the shade.

Bill sat down, placing the checkered flannel he'd had around his waist onto the floor to work as a blanket. Fleur joined him quickly and lent against his side while they both looked out into the ocean.

They sat together like that for awhile in a comfortable silence, until they heard a strange noise. Bill looked up and peered around Fleur's head.

“meow”

“Fleur look!” Bill said, looking at the tiny kitten in awe

“Its so cute” She cooed

“pspsps c'mere kitty” Bill clicked his fingers in the direction of the cat, making kissy noises at it. It looked up at him, and tilted its head towards Fleur. Slowly, it crept forwards.

“Aw hello baby” Fleur whispered in her thick French accent, stroking the kitten gently. “Hi! Oh what are are you doing here? Do you have a family? Whats your name bub?”

Bill smiled at her as she kept muttering sweet nothings to this random cat. His face dropped suddenly though, and he inched backward slightly, curling up into a loose fetal position on a sand dune. He kept watching his wife in a bittersweet sort of way.

After a short time Fleur noticed and turned towards him “Whats wring love?”

He looked down and fidgeted with his fingers for a moment “It'll be scared of me”

“Why on earth would a tiny kitten be scared of you? Does this thing look scared to you?” She held the kitten up and put it infront of Bill with a sort of mock pout on her lips.

Bill laughed “I don't think cats like werewolves”

“Sure they do, cats love them. I will prove it.” She placed the cat on Bill's lap. He flinched away. The cat however seemed unphased and pushed its wee head into Bill's palm. It mewed slightly and Bill couldn't help but laugh and stroke the thing.

He had to admit, it didn't seem scared. But still, he was wary. He and Fleur sat with the cat for a while, picking up sticks for it to chase. They had named it Penguin after the tuxedo pattern on its fur. “We should take him home” Fleur suggested

“Fleur we can't just steal a cat“ He laughed. Penguin pounced at the stick Bill was moving back and forth and proceeded to try "kill" it.

She shrugged “Sure we can. Looks like a stray anyway”. It took some convincing but eventually, they agreed. They'd take Penguin home and keep a lookout for any missing posters and return him if they saw anything. And if nothing showed up within a week they'd put up a found poster (if no one claimed him...well then they'd just steal the poor thing).

-•-

After a few days of having Penguin, Fleur noticed Bill had been acting strangely. He seemed to have picked up a cold but was showing no symptoms other than coughing and sneezing. And suspiciously only when Penguin was around.

He seemed oblivious to the fact but Fleur knew better. One night when the three of them were sat on the couch together she decided to bring it up. “Bill, I think you're allergic to him” She said

“Huh?” He sniffled and turned to face her “No its just my astma playing up thats all”.

She shook her head with a smile “I don't think so, you've been sneezing loads and you scratch at your hands everytime you pet him!” As if on cue, Bill sneezed and scratched him hands.

“Not true at all, I have no idea what you're talking about” He lied.

Fleur laughed at him and raised an eyebrow. “C'mon love you know I'm right”. She picked up Penguin and placed him on her lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek in the process.

“Uh uh. No.”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“YES!”

“Fine.” Bill finally accepted with a huff. He looked away with his arms crossed defiantly over his chest.

“Thank you. Now what do we do about it?” Fleur pried gently

Hs scowled at her “Nothing. We're keeping him. Hes my baby I don't care.”

“Bill I- that is a terrible idea and you know it. Also who said he was your baby you weirdo?” She laughed at him. Bill tried to stay tough but he cracked and started laughing too.

“I want to keep him, he's probably the only cat that will love me. I never used to be allergic to them” He looked down sadly

Fleurs face softened “Babe. He's making you sick and you know it. I'm sure we can look into one of those weird allergy-free cats, the ones that look like wrinkly aliens.”

Bill smiled slightly but remained sad “I dunno, its not fair. If I was never bitten I wouldn't be allergic. We'd be able to keep him”

“I doubt that” Fleur responded “It probably had nothing to do with the werewolf thing, allergies change over time and god knows the last time you were in contact with a cat!”

“I s'pose you're right” Bill sighed. He thought for a moment “I guess....we could give him to Hermione and Ron, I don't think Crookshanks would mind and Hermione would love another cat. Ron not so much but who cares what he thinks”

They both laughed “I think Crookshanks would mind a lot actually” Fleur began “But that sounds like a great idea, we'll owl them in the morning” Bill smiled and leaned into Fleur and pet a purring Penguin on the head.

FIN

[garbagequeer]

hey hello im writing a piece for laptop ensemble that involves sampling and i need the most repressed/tender/yearning quotes you got. just as gay and heart wrenching as you can. but also no pressure I know youre a stranger on the web I just feel like you post that kind of stuff a lot thank you bye

hope this isnt like too late school keeps me busy :( (also can you put a read more on asks? guess i’ll find out). i ended up choosing many quotes from the same texts cause im indecisive as shit but i’ll bold my favorites from those in case that makes it easier for you!

anyways first of all you can never go wrong w richard siken as obvious as that is. these are both from you are jeff

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.

Let’s say you’ve swallowed a bad thing and now it’s got its hands inside you. This is the essence of love and failure. You see what I mean but you’re happy anyway, and that’s okay, it’s a love story 

this one’s from planet of love (the format got fucked bc tumblr is not actually a finctional website but :/ )

I have a megaphone and you play along,                                                                 because you want to die for love,                                                            you always have.     Imagine this:You’re pulling the car over. Somebody’s waiting.                      You’re going to die                                            in your best friend’s arms.             And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down,you’ve memorized it,

from litany in which certain things are crossed out 

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re            really there.Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?                                                       Let me do it right for once,

sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known.You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I sayor love me back.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,            smiling and crying in a way that made meeven more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I                                                                                just couldn’t say it out loud.Actually, you said Love, for you,                             is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s                                                                                                 terrifying. No one                                                                        will ever want to sleep with you.

from snow and dirty rain

I had a dream about you. We were in the gold roomwhere everyone finally gets what they want.

that scene from when harry met sally where sally says:

One day I was taking Alice’s little girl fro the afternoon. I’d promised to take her to the circus, and we were in a cab playing “I spy” - you know, “I spy a lamppost”, “I spy a mailbox” - and she looked out the window and there was this man and this woman with two little kids, and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders, and Alice’s little girl said “I spy a family”, and I satrted crying, you know? I just started crying, and I went home

(like anyone else sometimes cries when u see a family doing something nice? is it because i want to participate in a sense of family of my own but have been excluded as a gay person from it’s portrayals and it makes me go :^( cause i dont feel there’s room for me there but i want there to be and i just have to long for this nuclear family heteronormative way of life that i’ve been made to believe is idylic? is it because my parents got divorced and my dad’s an ass and my mom is just a very angry lady and i want to re-do my own childhood? who knows. should we ban movies? yes we should!)

from maurice (ultimate source of tender)

“There was something better in life than this rubbish, if only he could get to it, love, nobility, big spaces where passion clasped peace, spaces no science could reach, but they existed for ever, full of woods some of them, and arched with majestic sky and a friend”

‘Did you ever dream you had a friend, Alec? Nothing else but just “my friend”, he trying to help you and you him. A friend’ he repeated, sentimental suddenly. ‘Someone to last your whole life and you his. I suppose such a thing can’t really happen outside sleep’

we are all so lucky i don’t actually own maurice in english this would just turn into me quoting the whole book

ee cummings voices to voices, lip to lip

the thing perhaps isto eat flowers and not to be afraid.

from virgina woolf’s letters to vita

7 september 1925

january 21 1926 vita writes

I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your un-dumb letters, would never write so elementary phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn’t even feel it. And yet I believe you’ll be sensible of a little gap. But you’d clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it would lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is just really a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shan’t make you love me any the more by giving myself away like this—But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it …

and on january 26 virginia writes back

Your letter from Trieste came this morning—But why do you think I don’t feel, or that I make phrases? ‘Lovely phrases’ you say which rob things of reality. Just the opposite. Always, always, always I try to say what I feel. Will you then believe that after you went last Tuesday—exactly a week ago—out I went into the slums of Bloomsbury, to find a barrel organ. But it did not make me cheerful … And ever since, nothing important has happened—Somehow its dull and damp. I have been dull; I have missed you. I do miss you. I shall miss you. And if you don’t believe it, you’re a longeared owl and ass. Lovely phrases? … 

from virginia’s diary, about vita on december 21 1925

I like her and being with her and the splendour–she shines in the grocer’s shop in Sevenoaks with a candle lit radiance, stalking on legs like beech trees, pink glowing, grape clustered, pearl hung.

from virginia woolf’s to the light house

What device for becoming, like waters poured into one jar, inextricably the same, one with the object one adored? Could the body achieve, or the mind, subtly mingling in the intricate passages of the brain? or the heart? Could loving, as people called it, make her and Mrs Ramsay one? for it was not knowledge but unity that she desired, not inscriptions on tablets, nothing that could be written in any language known to men, but intimacy itself, which is knowledge, she had thought, leaning her head on Mrs Ramsay’s knee. Nothing happened. Nothing! Nothing! as she leant her head against Mrs Ramsay’s knee. And yet, she knew knowledge and wisdom were stored up in Mrs Ramsay’s heart.

Love had a thousand shapes. There might be lovers whose gift it was to choose out the elements of things and place them together and so, giving them a wholeness not theirs in life, make of some scene, or meeting of people (all now gone and separate), one of those globed compacted things over which thought lingers, and love plays.

there forced themselves upon her other things, her own inadequacy, her insignificance, keeping house for her father off the Brompton Road, and had much ado to control her impulse to fling herself (thank Heaven she had always resisted so far) at Mrs Ramsay’s knee and say to her—but what could one say to her? “I’m in love with you?” No, that was not true. “I’m in love with this all,” waving her hand at the hedge, at the house, at the children. It was absurd, it was impossible 

(fun fact: the spanish translation adds something that i’d translate as “one could not say what one meant / what one wanted to say”, which i really like and i was disapointed to find out isnt on the english edition)

It was love, she thought, pretending to move her canvas, distilled and filtered; love that never attempted to clutch its object; but, like the love which mathematicians bear their symbols, or poets their phrases, was meant to be spread over the world and become part of the human gain. So it was indeed. The world by all means should have shared it  

from the great gatsby

I didn’t want to go to the city. I wasn’t worth a decent stroke of work but it was more than that—I didn’t want to leave Gatsby. I missed that train, and then another, before I could get myself away (…) Just before I reached the hedge I remembered something and turned around. ‘They’re a rotten crowd,’ I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.’ I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him

from kafka’s diaries

may 27 1911: Today is your birthday, but I am not even sending you the usual book, for it would be only pretence; at bottom I am after all not in position to give you a book. I am writing only because it is so necessary for me today to be near you for a moment

parts from a from a letter he wrote to oskar pollak on february 4 1902

When we talk together the words are hard; we tread over them as if they were rough pavement. The most delicate things acquire awkward feet and we can’t help it. We’re almost in each other’s way; I bump into you and you - I don’t dare and you. When we come to things that are not exactly cobblestones or the Kunstwart, we suddenly see that we are in masquerade, acting with angular faces (especially me, I admit), and then we become sad and bored. Does anyone make you as bored as I do?

then I fall silent and you fall silent and you become bored, and I become bored and it’s all like a stupid hangover and there’s no use lifting a hand. But neither wants to say this to the other, out of shame or fear or - You see, we are afraid of each other, or I am.

Of course I understand it. It’s boring to stand for years in front of an ugly wall and it just won’t crumble away. Of course, but the wall is afraid for itself, fro the garden (if there is one), and you get out of sorts, yawn, have headaches, don’t know where to turn

You often talk with her, not only for the sake of talking. You walk around with her somewhere here or there, or in Roztok, and i sit at my desk at home. You talk with her, and in the middle of a sentence somebody jumps up and makes a bow. That is me with my untrimmed words and angular faces. That lasts only a moment, and then you go on talking. I sit at my desk at home and yawn. I’ve been trhough it already. Wouldn’t that separate us? Is that so strange? Are we enemies? I am very fond of you

from his leters to milena

Last night I dreamed about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember, all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally you somehow caught fire.

jane wong. from clearing

We want to believe everything has meaning.Plums blossom over a power grid

and I am in love again. The shame of it.

from leslie harrison’s [sirens]

I’m not Penelope married to faith married to waitingbound in fine soft strands of silk dyed and stretchedin my world longing has teeth and fins has a tastefor blood longing is a room built entirely of knives

Lorde’s melodrama tour interlude

Don’t you wish you could go inside a heart, see the strings and atrium’s, everything beating and bleeding. It’s kind of funny, I spend almost every minute thinking about love. Being guided, and divided by love. But I’ve never seen it. It’s just a rumour, a comedown, an afterglow. I wanna see it, in colour. In the summer, I can almost picture it

from Andrea Long Chu’s on liking women

One day, you tell yourself, it will give you what you want. Then, one day, it doesn’t. Now it dawns on you that your object will probably never give you what you want. But this is not what’s disappointing, not really. What’s disappointing is what happens next: nothing. You keep your object. You continue to follow it around, stash it in a drawer, water it, tweet at it. It still doesn’t give you what you want—but you knew that. You have had another realization: not getting what you want has very little to do with wanting it. Knowing better usually doesn’t make it better. You don’t want something because wanting it will lead to getting it. You want it because you want it

ada limón, In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me

But love is impossible and it goes ondespite the impossible. You’re the muscleI cut from the bone and still the boneremembers, still it wants (so much, it wants)the flesh back, the real thing,if only to rail against it, if onlyto argue and fight, if only to missa solve-able absence.

i dont think i need to get into mitski songs because you probably already know but basically pink in the night/come into the water/once more to see you/in happy when she says if you’re going take the train so i can hear it rumble one last rumble/in i want you from the first verse to the first time she goes “i just need a quiet place where i can scream how i love you” (YES the card thing is very important)/the first verse of i will (w emphasis on everything you feel is good i f you wold only let you)/abbey/strawberry blond

sufjan steven’s futile devices obviously predatory wasp of the palisades you know the drill 

was going to find some twin fantasy lyrics but i started thinking about famous prophets (minds) and like. emotionally left my body so. i wont be thinking about it or any other songs anymore it makes me too crazy

from frances ha

It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.

from ellen lee’s notes on twin fantasy that i revisit constantly

there’s no going back to deliver these words to the ones they were really meant for. That’s how heartbreak feels, I guess. It feels like your heart in between the teeth of someone who’s looking away. When you’ve lost your loved object, what happens to all the things you have to say to them? When they’re turned away, what happens to all the things that you couldn’t, but desperately need(ed) to, say to their face? He dissociates himself from his own romance until it becomes a fantasy. You have your bleeding heart, you have a finite set of memories — when nothing new enters and you’re unwilling to let go, then you have a fantasy. The loved object enters into you and transforms.

the journey home by dermot bolger(havent read this at all dont really plan to/dont know a thing about it either i just came across this shit like 2 years ago and i still think about it)

I wanted to hurt him; I wanted just to touch him. What I wanted I’m not really sure. If he had stopped and opened his arms I would have walked towards him; I would have sat on the kerb all night with him

adam b, sweet i have a (really gay) heart

i feel like my body is the extension of a lake. i feel really badabout not telling you the truth, sometimes. i feelreally small next to you. tall boys remind me of bean stalks.i wish i had your legs. i wish i could know your handsbefore i even touch them

aaaand i think that’s all i could think of and track down, hope this is actually helpful and not too long (i am indecisive no kidding). also ksjdfg it’s nice that you thought to ask me this and i did have fun going over all these quotes so thank you 💖💖💖

[lemoynebraider]

Get to know me tag

I was tagged by @bleudragonfire

Tagging: @cactilads and that’s all because I don’t have friends

Relationship status: sexy free and single, I’m ready to bingo

Top ships: Rhodeytony (mcu), Ineffable husbands (good omens), Charthur and Vandermatthews (RDR)

Last song: Dog days are over by Florence and the machine

Last movie: I have honestly no idea? Last thing I watched was Narcos but that’s tv series

This or that tag

Coffee or tea - I drink tea when I’m sick so if I drink it any other time, it just reminds me of that and makes me feel bleh

Early bird or night owl - I go to sleep late but wake up early because I love suffering

Chocolate or vanilla

Silver or gold - depends on what I’m wearing

Pop or alternative- honestly, I can listen to anything so I don’t think there’s any specif genre I prefer

Freckles or dimples - god, both are beautiful and I have like .. three freckles and one dimple when I do this weird ass creepy smile BUT ANYONE WITH THOSE CAN MARRY ME

Snakes or sharks- both can go fuck themselves

Ivory or scarlet

Flute or lyre

Butterfly or honey bees- bees and any black-yellow insects scare the shit out of me but I do my best to keep them alive when in my presence

Macarons or eclairs - never had eclairs but I googled them and they look good so 10/10 would try

Rooftop or balconies- heights scare me if I’m not secured so probably neither

Typewriter or handwritten letter- if I had a typewriter, I’d definitely use it a lot but there’s also something magical about handwritten letters even though my handwriting is awful

Spicy or mild - I cry when I eat something even remotely spicy.. wish I didn’t because spicy things taste good

London or Paris - London is my favourite city ever

Secret garden or secret library- if it’s like the garden at Florence Welch’s house then hell yeah but otherwise, library is good because less allergies

Potions or spells- both are good and important

Oceans or deserts

Vincent Van Gogh or Claude Monet- as an ex art student, there are many other artists I’d choose but you gotta work with what you have

Denim or leather

Mermaid or siren

Masquerade ball or cocktail party- neither because both would give me very bad anxiety

Sun or moon

Herbs or flowers - herbs for my potions, flowers for my witch cottage decor

Pearls or diamonds- but only minecraft diamonds

Tattoos or piercings

Eyes or lips

Witch or fairy - they’re both so Florence Welch and I love it

Opera or ballet

Clam chowder or tomato soup

All black or pastel - depends on my mood or what I feel like wearing

Perfume or body wash - most perfumes give me a headache

Mountains or fields - I go hiking pretty often

Thunderstorms or lightning

Egyptian or Greek mythology- neither 🤷‍♀️

Beauxbatons or durmstrang - if it’s what google told me, then I chose beauxes because they seemed more fancy (im still getting used to some things being called differently in English than in my mother language)

Candles or fairy lights

Classic art or modern art - I do think modern art is weird as fuck, but it has its magic (plus classic art was modern once so there were times when people felt the same way about it)

Paintings or sculptures - both!! some sculptures are just so amazing but as an ex art student, I appreciate both

Hot or iced - again, depends on what it is

Glitter or matte

Scorpio or cancer - gemini

Silk or lace - I hate both

New York or Los Angeles - never been to neither of those but I hate summer so fuck you la

Anyways, doing this on my phone gave me aneurysm so I’m glad it’s over

[unproduciblesmackdown]

posts about things with absolutely no introduction but it's because i was reminded of the topic the other day

this one's for those of us in the lifelong isolation no friends society, i know sometimes there's other people out there!! anyways i've been thinking about how like, personally, obviously, b/c idk how other ppl do it b/c we aren't friends with each other lol, its just a fuckin wild thing to deal with in part cuz its one of those answers to which there's not necessarily any Right Way to handle things or Answer or Solution or anything. isolation p much = more isolation and plus not having friends makes ppl less likely to socialize with you so that's rough; anyways yknow, the point is just oops you can't Choose to like, obtain a friend. u can try to get ppl interested but you can't control it beyond that, so, yknow

anyways what am i getting to? yeah so i've never had close friends in that i was never able to share personally honest things anyways for the longest time for a couple reasons, and also, people just didn't like me. the double whammy of "oh no its abuse" and "oh no you're lowkey socially ostracized by your peers from preschool on without end" is like, good luck to little me getting friends! i had sort-of friends in like a couple ppl who'd hang out with me regularly and on occasion we'd go to each others houses or smthing but it wasnt able to be like, the normal fun event it should. oh well. middle school was a little better and a little worse but i didnt keep up w ppl cuz i went to a different school later and its that situation where you're friends-ish Because you're at the same school right...smh...didnt thrive in college magically, but one essential thing was i was away from home more often than not so, that was real important ultimately. but anyways in the end i had like a handful of college friends-ish (accepted by other friends groups lol) and theres a couple of them i still talk to now and again

so like, yknow, friends, mostly friendly acquaintances, my siblings i'd classify as friendly acquaintances, i'm very glad about all of them really. just unfortunately i've only just started to have friendships that are like a decade old and the "longtime close" friendship is nonexistent b/c college is just four years and then you go other places, and i'm not at the heart of friend groups and not "good" at communication in other ways so its hard to keep in touch in ways. smh!!

funnily enough i'm also not good at internet stuff though it's been absolutely essential, god knows. that's why i'm able to talk to anyone rn!! but i can't do group chats and i only like approaching things "one on one" aka i don't like feeling like im in the midst of a group even outside group chats. if you get what i'm saying. like even back being in the small early mh fandom of like, three dozen ppl, in retrospect i didnt like having to be in the entire Group yknow. lemme just be over here. which is what i do now.

anyways for additional reasonsl, communicating has been trickier these past few years and for the most part its been kind of a situation where i wasn't necessarily going to get to talk to someone every day, though usually it'd maybe only be like, a gap of a day or two. and anyways, the thing is that, over the past ten years especially its started to be Distressing like wanting friends, not as much having them, and also having it be more obvious that there was some kind of deficiency keeping me from having (and having had) friends like other people did. not fun! but what i'm getting around to here, whats been wild, is just this like, decade-ish (or two decade-ish if you want) Personal Effort to just figure out how the fuck to stop having to feel like shit about it all the time right? then you're lonely AND stressed and probably self loathing also

so like yeah, the thing is that the other day something was going on about like, yknow, the idea of the longtime close friend with a steadfast presence in your life, and that's just always like, lfjdglmao what!!! sounds nice. i had a friend for a week in second grade and im not sure we ever spoke and then the teacher made us sit on opposite sides of the classroom and it was too embarrassing to be friends anymore. that's kinda close but lol for real......it's not only the lack of friends to tackle but also like, i don't assume to have friends in the future. it's something that like, i would obviously theoretically want, and be happy if it happened, but i can't say i hope for it, because that implies too much being expectant or whatever. and it's weird!! its a weird time just kind of presuming friendlessness until otherwise occurs. and it's not great, i'm definitely still unhappy about all this shit. its just that i've also like, been able to shave off how distressing the issue mightve been in earlier years yknow

like it sounds all depressing to say like, i've just had to be less emotionally invested in the whole thing, but it's kind of true. not by ignoring it or ignoring the feelings so much as like...just acknowledging that this is how it is and there's only so much i can do but not hating myself about it is a start. and yeah it's like "oh, feeling less, depressing" but also frankly when i decided also that its less horrible to be friendless than to feel stuck w crap ppl / ppl who you aren't too important to / etc, i figured that i'd also rather be friendless and just enjoy being myself than try to make myself easier to talk to. i'm not like intimidating or anything, i just can't hold a conversation. but i'm not very interested anymore in trying to convince ppl to like me, yknow, i'm out here, and if i'm ever going to have friends i'd like them to be people to like me For Who I Am, wipe tear. what i'm just saying is "a weird dumbass" b/c its just vague social weirdness that ppl don't necessarily like, loathe, but probably they'd rather talk to someone else. i'm not great at socializing stuff, like i said, hence social rejection since age 4

oh and i meant to say!! i've been able to turn up my emotions by turning down my investment in the idea of Needing To Always Be Trying To Make Friends b/c, as anyone might know, all i like to do is talk at great length about whatever weird, niche shit i'm into at any given point. and that's pretty much it. i'm not pretending to be deep by not really knowing how to do small talk. lmao you guys know what i'm talking about. and obviously not everybody is into Getting Enthusiastic or super focused on whatever weird thing at any point, and i'm not Into getting my passion all fired up and being brushed off or anything, so we can all avoid each other, and i get to continue entertaining myself

so that's a way i've been able to turn my feelings up actually lol.....dunno how to segue into it so i won't but it's also just like, not saying that i Truly Don't Care about not having friends, or that it doesn't hurt that i've had this relative friendless past and the futures looking bleak, b/c it does!! it's still distressing. but like, its turned down. the whole general issue can be a very Bitter one for sure!!!! and it has been in the past sometimes and like.....it's still there basically, i've just been able to turn down the volume a lot on a bunch of these shit feelings like "that's upsetting" or "i'm bitter about that" and just kind of calmly let it simmer back down b/c i'm sort more familiarish with what sets it off and more familiar with Dealing With It Always overall

no idea if i've made the point i was setting out for there. dealing with the No Friends Isolation Life society life is not fun but we're out here, sometimes. it continues to be not fun. "oh well," is an often relevant sentiment. c'est la vie. c'est ce que c'est? i think. and i think it's nice that after years and years of just like, struggling to figure this shit out myself, and probably feeling like shit most of the time, i've at least managed to go "shh" at some Bad Feelings. definitely still there. but this time it doesn't heap extra shittiness on top b/c of having to deal with the intensity of it and feel bad about that too etc etc. it's all weird! getting more familiar with dealing with some shit which is just, the way that it is in part because of bad luck and of course i'm jealous of everybody who does have friends. but oh well. b/c c'est la vie. im also glad for everybody who has friends, obv. it's all complicated!! which is just part of why this post exists. it has no real point, i'm just kinda going like, weird, huh? and kind of good, and kind of a bummer. oh well

also im aware this is a suddenly long, technically depressing post at like circa midnight for a lot of people, but basically this is just me in normal mood. sometimes it's depressing posts time out of nowhere, but i'm not especially depressed!! nighttime is just more of my Peak Hours. night owl 4 life. thanks

oh and ps. another thing i would think about (with more distress in the past, and like, no distress now) is that its also funny cuz, one thing i’ve generally had to do is be aware that it’s a bigger deal for you (me) to get a new Friend than it is for them to be getting you as a friend, b/c math says so. and so i’ve had to push myself to not be overly hopeful or invested in order to be both fair to them and myself. and nowadays that’s just kind of how i view the no-friends-ness of it all, like. i’m not mad that i’m not for some reason way closer to anybody i know. why would i be. and i don’t expect anybody to think like “oh my god we have to be Good Friends” because like. not in a self deprecating way but like, why would any random person want that. and i dont expect to be better friends with ppl im just casual friends with, which is great, cus like Friendly Acquaintances and other lite friendships are fantastic and im very grateful. but i am aware there’s plenty of reasons making it difficult to just like, pick up a Close Buddy and i’m not like “oh i demand one from somewhere, from some reason.” so what i am trying to say is that keeping my expectations honestly realistic is an effort to be fair to both other ppl and myself and i think it works. no friends!! we out here!!!!