#anyways i am trying to be online more and not be so scared of the big scary internet
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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sorry 4 talking about how pregnant i was the other week i was having a manic episode
#anyways i am trying to be online more and not be so scared of the big scary internet#i miss interscting w my mutuals i love you allllllll
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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bg3 is too fun. too fun.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#hii :3 i've gotten a lot better w my fear of the dark in bg3 LMFAO i'm in the shadow-cursed lands and just finished the bit where you can#free the pixie and get immunity to the curse hooray <3 bg3 is so fun oh my god the gameplay the characters the everything#it breaks my heart tho KDBWKFB I'VE BEEN ROMANCING BOTH ASTARION & KARLACH BUT SINCE... YK... karlach's romance finally progresses more#uh. i had to. break up w her for astarion. aha. I MEAN I COULD HAVE... IDK. how to explain. yeah.#wyll's dance scene makes me Head In Hands oh god i love all the origin characters sooo much#gave shadowheart night orchids too! lae'zel is pretty absent rn and you have gale on his suicide mission but uh. yeah. cool (???)#prolly not gna progress more w shadow-cursed lands yet ... kinda wna do the githyanki creche stuff first :P kaboom#anyway astarion is so. so. he is everything.#i've started a durge run too and am a few hours in :] going to romance astarion with my draconic ancestry sorcerer half-elf who is another#flavor of twink LMFAO <3 raghhh cannot wait to progress more and more in bg3#scared for the endings tho tbh. i've heard online and from others that uh... they leave things to be desired.#really amazing and fun game so far tho :3 !! gameplay is sooo fun i love trying to be strategic and then i love. the game. yes#^_^ going to write more and do other stuff more and get to what i need to do and want to do tho. oh gods. by today i swear.
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I’m in the works of making an undertale AU and I’m so excited to share it when I have enough art of it but I’m also so anxious cus it’s REALLY self-indulgent-
You’ve technically seen a thing for it already and people haven’t made a riot about it so far so maybe I’ll be safe to share the whole thing eventually-?
#rambles#undertale#underjas#undertale AU#utmv#alternate universe#I am so scared of being like AU gatekept or some shit#even if I know there are a fuckton of UT AUs that have been loved by the community#I guess I’m just scared of people finding it annoying how blatantly self-indulgent it is…#I don’t want people to come after me with anger or disgust or something just cus I’m having some ACTUALLY harmless fun-#I know people have gotten a lot more cancel-y and ranty over the years#a lot more people try to shoot creators down cus they disagree with something genuinely harmless#rather than just blocking and moving on.#idk man the internet is scaring me more and more than it ever did when I was growing up on here with toxic adults all around me#people try so hard to over-correct everyone they see over shit like idk favorite music or some shit#Making sure you’re being respected online is good but that’s different than making your space safe#you block those people you don’t wanna interact with#don’t ruin their life and don’t accidentally give them some sorta platform to get more attention.#anyways I am ranting a lot#my point is I have a cool AU idea and I have a lot of anxiety of people seeing it and saying “ew cringe” and shooting it down#all cus I tend to make a lot of self-indulgent content (very much also including this idea)#OTL
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idc if ppl think im problematic i just want it to be for the actual real reasons i am
#like... im kinda aggressive and might attack if provoked... i intentionally exude a threatening presence and personality to#scare ppl away but also bc i will actually try to fuck you up if you fuck with me too much. i also struggle with not knowing#how to handle my cat yelling besides yelling at him which reinforces him but it doesnt matter bc he does it anyways even#if i stubbornly ignore him so idfk what to do i think he just think thats the normal way to talk atp and it driveS ME INSANE BECAUSE#HE IS MOEWS ARE SO LOUD AND SOUND LIKE A FUCKING BABY CRYING WHICH TRIGGERS A PRIMAL PARENTAL THING IN#ME AND HES MANIPULATING THAT TO GET MY ATTENTION FOR SHIT HE DOESNT NEED HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#LIke. im problematic in some ways. no im not as problematic as you might think but like. i still recognize i got a lot of shit to work on#over here yaknow. its shit i think about all the time and keep trying to figure out what i can do about.#which is also why i dont need ppl riding on my ass about shit that i already know better about#i honestly think yall think me being inflammatory online makes me a bad person... idk. and i dont really think im all that controversial#or inflammatory in what i say but anyone being that in any capacity in your opinion makes them Bad for some reason?? idrk.#im trying to figure it out. like you either just have to believe any lie someone tells about me or you just hate how annoying i am to you#on the internet. something you can easily avoid by blocking me.#also the things i say online... dont necessarily directly translate to offline? im not really like this irl... im definitely a lot more#aggressive online than i am off...#offline i try to keep things calm and gentle and i try to be considerate and nice to those around me. ig i dont feel like tumblr#has earned that side of me yet 🤷#i literally have an idyllic ass garden and essentially green house ok. i dont talk about the happenings of my daily life on here#much bc i worry talking about it on here will taint it somehow.#maybe im too superstitious. maybe im worried about being stalked. maybe its a combo of many things but theres certain info#i dont trust with certain types of people and if tumblr was a person i would not trust that person with that info.#the friend to get drunk with not to watch your cats and house while you're out of town. etc.#ill vent about my trauma but i dont want you... in my life... Like That lmao. we just go to the same bar...
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a friend shared the stats for placements from our uni (it was laughably bad; we're mainly for research, so not many go for the industry anyway. it's still bad considering how the Institute is Important to and Respected by the Country). and my friend said that the pitiful stats could be us in 5 yrs, to which I replied, “guess we just gotta plow through with Galois’ courage and spirit in our hearts, huh” and the chat went silent.
once again goes to show why I should just stick to whining on my silly little tumblr blog, I guess?
#why. why am i like this.#why do i sabotage myself#i don't want to try and socialise any more it's too exhausting and disappointing and i don't know what they expect me to say or what#is the non-weird thing to say#i don't know what to not say to avoid awkward pauses and they are *absolutely* unbearable when it's a fricking online chat dear god#was what i said actually weird?#idk#im done guys y'all are stuck with me ok#im going to hole up in my room/a corner in the library and do my math/phy/bio and go to classes and labs#and be an annoying little bitch on this silly little blog of mine#yes. solid plan#but honestly. im too scared to ask for constructive feedback to know where im going wrong.#ah. what is this fresh new hell#well. not exactly fresh but guess who thought that having 2 friends throughout middle- and highschool is enough#and no more Friend-Making attempts were required?#i am now cringing so hard i feel an internal sprain#i hope i turn out as a Normally Functioning Adult by some lightning strike#anyways i shall thus subject you all to my maddening existence mwahahaha#jkjk i love y'all too much#but it's going to be in the Annoying Way as true love is#ru rambles#might delete later
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wingman paul- c.leclerc
summary: charles leclerc takes a liking to you at your brothers movie premiere... paul makes it happen!
pairing: charles leclerc x fem! mescal! reader
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Did you want to go to the Gladiator 2 premiere? No, not really. Was Paul forcing you to anyways? Yes, very much so.
Being his sister (and emotional support person), he always brought you on set, to premieres, and anywhere else. That was usually fine. The rest of his projects' premieres had either been in the Lighthouse (your favourite cinema in Dublin), or small enough that you wouldn’t get too overwhelmed. You were famous in your own right, following after your sister and writing music. You didn’t go on stage, but you’d garnered over 10 million listeners, and your album had just been nominated for a grammy, though you had no intention of going. It’s not that you were scared or shy, you were just entirely uninterested in going out in public as a ‘public figure’. It stressed you out, having people know who you are in such detail, so you just kept to yourself. You had no public social media accounts, you didn’t allow your label to post about you unless it was about the music, and you only let Paul or Nell drag you out in public for one of their events. You liked it that way, it was comfortable.
“I’m going to go say hi to some people, you just wait here, yeah?” Paul explained as you two entered the theatre. It was huge, and every celebrity or influencer in the world must’ve been there. You nodded as he walked off and allowed yourself to fade into the background, people-watching as time passed. You noticed the beautiful architecture of the building, the way the celebrities around you mingled, the way-
“Hello.”
You whipped your head around, startled, only to be met with a face you knew quite well. “Jesus, Charles, you scared me,” you chuckled. He blushed slightly as you turned around properly to greet him. “Hi.”
“How are you?” he asked, joining you in your secluded corner.
“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”
“I am very good,” he smiled, showing off his dimples. “I thought you didn’t like events.”
“I don’t, Paul just asked me to come,” you explained. “My mam would’ve killed me if I didn’t go, so here I am.”
He nodded, understanding. “I tried to find you online, but… you are not a fan of that either?”
You chuckled. “No, not really. Sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, it is ok. I just… wanted to talk more. You are very interesting to me,” he smiled.
“Well, thank you for the glowing review,” you chuckled. “Are you enjoying the evening so far?”
“I am enjoying it a lot more with you here,” he smiled. “But yes, I only watched the first one a few days ago and I thought it was very good, so I am excited to see how this one compares.”
“You’re sure a charmer,” you chuckled. “I hope you enjoy the film. Where are you sitting?”
“Beside Carlos?” he shrugged, an awkward smile on his face. “Carlos knows, but I don’t know where Carlos is.”
You laughed. “Are you always this disorganised?”
“Only when I’m nervous,” he winked at you and the lights started going down, you just offered him to sit next to you, hoping that Nell wouldn’t mind.
You two sat together, enjoying the movie as the night went on, and after you found yourselves at the bar, still chatting. He walked off to find Carlos at one point, looking back with a smile as he waved, promising to come back soon.
“When are you going to realise he’s trying to flirt with you?” Paul laughed. Your face was bright red and your jaw dropped.
You gently (roughly) hit his chest and scoffed. “Shut the fuck up. He is not.”
Paul laughed. “He’s totally into you! Come on, go out with him, please! I want free tickets to Grand Prixs!”
You rolled your eyes as he giggled, and then startled when you bumped straight back into Charles. “Fuck, sorry-” you started apologising but he just shook his head.
“All good,” he smiled.
Paul silently slipped away with a wink, and you were faced with Charles, once again.
“Hi,” you breathed out.
“Hi,” he chuckled, his dimples on full show. “He was right, you know.”
“About what?” you questioned.
“I am flirting with you-or, at least trying to,” he blushed slightly.
“Oh,” you nodded, unsure what to do in a situation where someone was as brazen and blunt. “Right.”
He laughed. “Can I take you out sometime?”
You stared at him, total deer in headlights, then nodded. “Yeah, yeah, sounds grand. Thank you.”
You internally smacked yourself in the face for that. But he just laughed, unfazed by your awkward demeanour.
“Great!” he smiled bashfully. “When are you free?”
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 x you#formula one imagine#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#f1 social media au#formula one#formula one x reader#formula 1#formula racing#ferrari#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc x female oc#formula 1 imagines#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 one shot
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𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗱 - 𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗿
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: peter and you argue because he loves to spend all of his money on you.
𝘄/𝗰: 0.5k
𝗮/𝗻: sorry for disappearing for a few months… again 😭 i am slowly getting back into writing so please bear with me! i saw my last fic reached over 9000 notes so that really motivated me to write something else for you guys ♡ i’m not so sure how i feel about this but i really do see peter as the type of boyfriend to blow all of his paycheck on you so i just had to write this LOL anyways i hope you all enjoy this!!
“put it on my card” you suddenly hear peter say as he pulled your earphones out, causing you to jump.
you were trying to keep yourself awake while waiting for peter to come through your window after patrolling for the night. to keep yourself occupied, you decided to listen to music and do some online shopping (which consisted of you just putting things in your cart but never actually buying anything). with your back facing your window and your earphones in, you didn’t see or hear peter come inside.
“jesus christ peter, don’t sneak up on me like that!”
“yeah yeah whatever” he says not really caring that he nearly scared the life out of you. “as i was saying before you rudely snapped at me, put your order on my card”
“i literally have over $400 worth of clothes in my cart”
“and?”
“what do you mean and? that’s expensive”
“your point?”
“that’s more than half of your paycheck”
“doesn’t matter. the whole reason why i have a job is to spoil you” he says while taking off his suit and getting comfortable in your bed.
“aww pete, you’re too sweet. but still, no. i don’t want you spending that much money on me”
he hummed an okay which led you to believe he was gonna just drop the conversation.
you were so wrong.
before you know it, he’s shooting a web at your laptop and dragging it over to him.
“NOOOO!” you scream dramatically and tackle him on your bed before he can type in his card information.
“LET ME BUY YOU CLOTHES!” he screams back while trying to push you off of him so he can grab your laptop again.
you quickly snatched your laptop from the bed and ran out of your room as fast as you could.
“GET BACK HERE!” peter shouted while chasing after you to which you just ignored and kept running away.
“you know what, you leave me no choice” he abruptly stops chasing you which causes you to stop in confusion.
suddenly, he jumped and stuck to your roof with his webs, and webbed your laptop over to him. you literally had no way of getting to him now.
“that’s no fair, you’re cheating!” you whined.
he laughed at you standing helplessly below him and finally placed your $450 order on his card.
“here you go” he smiled and jumped down from the roof, handing your laptop back over to you.
before you were about to scold him for spending so much money on you, you heard a knock at your door.
you and peter both looked at each other confused because you weren’t expecting anybody for the night. he walked to the door and opened, revealing the people you were least expecting.
the police.
“hello, we were called over here for a noise complaint. your neighbors reported screaming being heard from your apartment room and they were concerned. is everything alright?”
you did not expect to end your night by explaining to the police that you and your boyfriend were screaming over buying clothes.
#peter parker x reader#peter parker blurbs#peter parker fluff#peter parker angst#peter parker smut#tom holland x reader#tom holland#tom holland fluff#peter parker#tom holland angst#peter parker imagine#peter parker fic#spiderman x reader#spiderman fluff#spiderman angst#spiderman smut#spiderman#marvel#spiderman blurbs#tom holland smut
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Thinking about Logan adjusting to this new timeline, becoming sober, and Wade somehow finding Logan's dog tags. ~4k words.
(Tw: Logan's a depressed recovering alcoholic with survivor guilt, unofficial proposal, canon usual implied sex jokes, Logan tries to flirt but fails)
To my wife. Who's halo lit up my dark life to see just how many doors were available to me when I couldn't see them myself<3
He offers him his to wear as a cutesie matching necklace type of thing but Logan is hesitant to take them, scared of what will come of it. He does it anyway though because he sees how happy Wade is wearing his.
What he refuses to tell him though is that just hearing the tags jingle makes him jump, flinch, his heart rate rises, and his mind floods with scenes he's worked so hard draining every bar he could find dry just so he could forget.
For me, I, too, am a man with deeply rooted animal instincts and was raised to behave like an obedient pet instead of the animal they made me.
An animal trained to take orders. A soldier without his post is miserable and constantly is either trying to find it again or defend himself from ever having to go back to a post to begin with.
You aren't good enough for them if you obey what they say and excel past the standards. But you aren't good enough if you question their authority and make choices for yourself either. Hoizer comes to mind.
Running with the bulls
Working my miracles
Holding my world together with a boot string
His night terrors are worse, more frequent, constantly a battle between wanting to protect and defend the less fortunate to saying, 'No, I'm done with that. It's none of my business, It’s someone else's problem now.'
He wakes up screaming, claws drawn, every possible sense he has to run activated, panting, gasping almost for air. He's panting, heaving deep but quick breaths, all of the hairs on his arms raised like a cat who just heard a dog barking after having gotten attacked as a kitten.
Living the dream
Benzos and gasoline
Coffee and blue light screens till the morning
He wakes to the sunlight in his face, gets up, stretches, takes his Valium. Eats some toast, calls it breakfast, gets dressed for his weekly AA meeting. The moment he steps inside it smells like Gasoline. Sweet honey scented lies that he hates to admit that he knew all too well. ‘It was only one’ ‘I asked for a virgin one but they brought me the wrong one’ ‘I'm trying, I really am..it's just.. hard’ He's heard them all before but the last one he could relate to the most.
Coming home at night, Logan puts his face into the back of his partner's neck, hugging him from behind as he offers to watch a cowboy movie marathon with him. He barely eats, only taking what Wade gives him or shoves in his mouth like the now spilled popcorn that was all over the ground, His boyfriend sprawled out on the couch while the “Dvd” bounces back and forth on the blue screen.
Wade never likes it but recently he's been drinking coffee at night, pacing back and forth as he searched online for a job. Kept himself far from the nightmares that were trying to catch up with him.
If I tell you this is drowning
You tell me I'm walking on water
I could bring fire from the mountain
You tell me it feels a little colder
Everyone was telling him how good he was doing, how well he was adjusting, how happy they were that he was here and yet.. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Any of it. Not the second chance, not the love and support of all his new family, not the affection from the man who whispered how proud of him he was each night..
It doesn't help his mental status when multiple jobs reject him either. Interviews don't exactly go that well when you have claws for hands and a reputation for having a temper.
“I'm sorry we're looking for someone with more… experience.. in this field. You need an entry level job.”
“Woah dude! You are WAY too qualified to be working here! you should try looking for something higher up, yeah?”
“I'm sorry. You're too much of a liability.”
“Oh my god- You're the Wolverine!”
“Yes.. but uhm.. No.. I'm just Logan now.”
“Wait, why are you applying here? This is a cashier position.”
“I'm aware..”
“Aren't you like… an X-men?”
“N-no… not anymore.”
“Oh… Did they fire you?”
“I quit.”
“Why?”
“Are.. these questions part of the interview?”
What kind of man was he if he couldn't even get a damn job at McDonald's? It felt useless. Like everybody wanted something different from him, but no one was happy either way. Never pleased with his resume or his reputation. You would think being an ex X-man would make it easy. Of course someone would want to hire a superhero? Right? Wrong.
I don't wanna
Choose between being a salesman or a soldier
Just let me look a little older
It seemed everyone wanted him to rejoin the X-men and as much as he missed that mansion upstate, it wasn't his. So many times he's been told stories about himself that he didn't even remember …well.. because it wasn't him. They wanted The Wolverine.
Their Wolverine.
Not Logan.
There was always that spot at the dealership with Peter. Now that Wade was back on his role with mercenary stuff and doing more “Favors” with Colossus, Negasonic and Yukio, that position was open. Part of him- No. Scratch that. All of him was happy for Wade. He seemed to be enjoying life so much more now that he felt he had purpose. But what was his purpose? Selling cars?? Definitely not. Even if it was, they were looking for something else anyway.
“It says here that you are 286 years old. Is that a typo?”
“Oh- uhm… No..”
“I see…Well we are currently looking for someone… younger.. to fill that spot. Sorry.”
But they were never actually sorry. He could smell it.
Coming home from the failed hunt, he felt like an older lion losing its pride to a younger male lion. Well- if lions could develop arthritis in their knees and hands. Once a day he'd pop out his claws, just to keep them ready though he felt like he hadn't used them in such a long time… Maybe he really was turning into an old house cat like wade said.
Sitting in their shared bedroom, he was grumbling to himself, grunting as he tried to get his claw unstuck. This wasn't the first time they locked up and he feared it wasn't the last either.
He snapped his head up at the sound of tags. Around the corner came who he expected, Wade, quickly hiding his hand under the blanket. Coming in, his eyes widened.
“Woah wolvie! Without me? Really? I would have gladly done it for you.”
At first Logan wanted to thank him for offering to help before quickly realizing that from how his hand was under the blanket, it did look suspiciously like adult alone time.
“T-that's not… no.”
“M'kaay. If you say sooo~”
“H-how uhm.. How was work?”
Watching as he began to grab shower clothes and take off his mask, He smiled.
“Oh you know! Watching the life drain from peoples eyes and what not as they beg for their life! The usual.”
“Oh.. that's.. fun?”
“Extremely liberating stuff.”
Watching as he began to strip, He swallowed, wishing he'd leave already so he could finish shoving the claw back into his skin.
Let me step a little bolder
I don't wanna
Choose between being a butcher or a pauper
“You wanna take a shower with me?” He asked, Beginning to walk around butt naked in nothing but his tags.
“U-uhm… No. No thanks, I had one this morning.”
“D'awwww what? Worried i'll see your peanuts? News flash baby, I've had those things down my throat! And I will say. They're better salty anyways~”
All this teasing changed his monotone face into a small goofy smile as he came close, crawling up into his lap, taking hold of his cheeks as he kissed his nose.
“What's wrong? Did you not get the job?”
He was so envious of how he could say such dirty things. Wade was so confident and yet so shy about his face. It made him think of when he was that confident in himself too. (Probably overly confident if we're being honest) Oh that was so many years ago… he'd never get that back. And honestly? He wasn't sure if he wanted to.
Logan said nothing but it was all the answer wade needed.
“I see. Well you'll get’em next time, Right?”
He looked away. Ashamed. Here Wade was, being overly supportive, giving him everything, and still he couldn't find a single happy bone in his body.
Shifting his leg to reassure him more, His knee was placed on the claw, yipping. “Ouch!”
“Sorry! I… I can't.. i-it won't..”
And on top of all that, he just hurt him. Man he sucked at this. All of it. Every little bit of it.
Pulling his hand away, Logan's eyes looked over Wade just as quick as it happened, Trying to see if he was bleeding only to jolt.
“Hey- shh.. Calm down. You're alright.” Grabbing his wrist, he carefully moved the tags that had gotten stuck on the claw.
“What's got you all riled up, Kitty? The interview couldn't have been that bad.”
But what he didn't know is that it WAS that bad.
Instantly Logan broke down, breaking heavily as he began to sob, gritting his teeth as he put his non-stuck hand on his face, wanting to hide. He felt pathetic. Useless. Weak. All of the things he fought not to be.
“Ooh, Honey come her-” Wade reached a hand out, trying to console him only to be shoved away.
“Don't!! I-.. I'm tired of hurting people! That's not who I want to be!”
“Baby cakes, it was an accident-”
“No!! Eveyone wants the Wolverine until the fucking wolverine is actually acting like the Wolverine!” He shouted, trying not to choke on his own tears.
Tilting his head, Wade blinked as if he wasn't aware of what he was talking about, but why would he? Logan hasn't told him anything negative for the past 2 weeks. Keeping it all bottled up, trying to push it deep down but that wasn't him. He couldn't handle it anymore.
“Everyone just keeps saying I should join the X-men again and i-” Wilson put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with the most serious he has ever been in his entire life.
“Logan, If that's what you want we'll make it work. It's only an hour drive, and i'm sure I could visi-”
“Wade!! Shut. Up! I don't…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he began to apologize, whispering he was sorry for yelling at him.
“I-it's not your fault.. I.. I don't..”
Wade was patient, Nodding, encouraging him to open up with his words. He knew when it was time to zip it and let him talk. Now was one of those times. It was his turn to listen.
“I don't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to fight to begin with but… It's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at anything else.. My whole life I've just been jumping team after team and they all eventually die or I just get kicked out for not understanding the power of team work or whatever. Hell, I've been through three different wars and every single time I ran away! Like a damn dog with its tail between its legs! All except the times I was TOLD to run and I didn't. Fuck, Wade! 3 fucking wars and I can't even take orders right!!”
Honey, I'm taking no orders
Gonna be nobody’s soldier
It was now Wade's turn to try to stifle a laugh, snorting as he covered his mouth.
“What's so fucking funny?! That your boyfriend is a sad pathetic loser who can't even get his hands to listen to him!?”
Now he burst out laughing, starting to giggle.
“You're over here talking about not being able to take orders and not being good enough for a team while talking to the same guy who can't even GET on a team and was kicked out of Canadian special forces because I didn't listen to a single thing they said! And you think I care if you ‘can't take orders’ ??” He said this last part in a mocking tone, trying hard to be serious but couldn't.
Logan's eyebrows scrunched with a skeptical glare, tears still dripping down his face, feeling embarrassed and stupid.
Cupping his face again, Wade smiled ear to ear, their foreheads together. “You're much dumber than the comics make you out to be if you think I'd care about anything like that. You honestly think I'd care if you don't want to be anyone's soldier? Why do you think I'm my own boss? The world isn't built for guys like us, baby. And if you wanna open a coffee shop or- pursue your dreams of photography, or hell! Even bird watching for all I care, I will still love you. We will make it work. No matter what you choose to do. Even if you don't get a job at all. Do you understand?”
The man started into his eyes, seemingly frozen as he processed all that he said.
“Logan..”
“Hm?”
“You gotta nod hon, we've talked about this.”
Slowly nodding, indicating that he understood, the tears got thicker as he pulled himself into Wade's shoulder, sobbing more.
“Oooh There there… There's my big strong man..” Wrapping his arms around him, he was careful of the single knife still out. Sitting him up, he rubbed the side of his face as he kissed the other cheek, only to gasp.
“GAASSSPP!! Peanut!”
“What!?” His grip tightened around his waist as he looked around urgently, immediately sniffling and starting to wipe his eyes.
“You're getting greys!” He coed, reaching up to pluck a single gray hair from the beast, who flinched. “Ouch..”
Leaning back, Wade held the hair in front of his face, His smile still wider than ever.
“You're turning into A silver fox, wolvie!”
“W-what?”
“Ooh I bet you're gonna be so handsome! Eehh!” Hugging him again, tight around his neck.
Blushing, He wasn't sure what had just happened. How him venting and crying out of the rage he felt to Wade fangirling over one of his single hairs.. though.. I guess it made sense for your bald boyfriend to monitor yours. Wade has even made him start using a fancy shampoo that made his hair a lot softer, curlier, and Less greasy.
“.. you..You're excited that i'm getting old..??”
“Duh! I've always wanted to be a hot silver daddy's sugar baby!”
“What does that even mean?”
“Don't worry about it- Oh hey look! Your claw went back in.”
Looking at his hand, he made a fist and opened it a couple of times, blinking, oblivious. “...How did you do that?”
But what he didn't realize is that the stress was flowing out of him, and the relief that Wade seemed to be obsessed with him no matter what had calmed him down enough for it to slide back in itself.
“I didn't do anything, sweetheart. You opened up. Let it out. All that stress isn't good for you, you know. How do you think I ended up looking like this?” He joked, giggling.
For some reason, He laughed too, finding this a bit funny.
“Do you feel better? Hm?”
“Nngh..”
“I'll take that as a yes.” The naked man whispers, kissing him with his arms lazily on his shoulders, glad that he was able to cry in front of him. Twas a very manly thing to do and there was no one more manly than the Wolverine himself.
“Alright. I'm gonna go shower. I stink worse than you do after being out in the rain.” You know, wet dog and all. Pulling away, there was a clang and a tug at both of their necks, the tags becoming stuck together, making wade smirk more. “I think these tags don't want me to go.”
Quickly frowning, Logan swallowed, moving to take his off, pulling up his hand as he held it, putting the tag inside of it, closing his fingers.
“Wha..I-... what are you doing?”
“Wade.. I..” He sighs, looking away with a nervous pout, Grunting a bit from frustration. Why did words have to be so difficult?
“Are you breaking up with me?!”
“What!? No! I-.. I don't..”
See what Logan didn't know was that Wade had viewed these as promise rings, the equivalent of engagement even but he was okay with never actually getting married. As long as he got to wear the dress in his closet and dance with him he wouldn't mind if it was legal or not. He understood fully that not everyone wanted to marry the stage 4 cancer patient whose skin looked like turkey bacon that was somehow raw and burnt at the same time.
“You don't what? Do you.. want something else? We can get rings! Do you want rings?” shifting to sit closer to him, Wade was obviously becoming upset about this, untangling the tags and looking at him with those big brown puppy eyes.
“Rings…?”
He could see the gears in his head trying their best to turn as he thought what he meant.
“How would we make them into rings?” He finally asks and to Wade, this was basically a proposal.
Sitting up more he began clapping excitedly the same way he did when seeing puppins again about 8 months ago. “Eeh!! Yes!!”
His head turns, Giggling. “I would've taken it in front of the subway like Sanda Bullock but this works too!”
Logan, like a dumb ass, looked too, knowing full well he wouldn't see anyone but still always looked anyway. “Who??”
“Oh I'll show you later! What size are you?”
“In rings?”
“No, your cock, Of course in rings!”
“Hey now- I never agreed to a cock ring, Wade. No.”
The serious tone and the way he pointed his finger at him made him laugh more, taking his hand as he kissed it. “We'll figure it out. Okay so after my shower, I'll call a guy I know. I think Forge would do a much better job but I feel like he'd say no.” He began rambling about how cute they would be and how excited he was, climbing off of his lap (finally) and started to walk off.
“W-wade!” He called, swallowing again, nervous to ask him to listen.
“What? You wanna come shower?”
“No- well.. maybe but..”
Again he waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying his best to be patient but it was hard not talking for 0.5 seconds.
“It's not that.. I don't like them. It's just.. I got those a long long time ago.. and I don't want to be the man those belonged to. Not anymore. And it's not that I don't think about rejoining all the time, it's just.. I want to live my life the way I want too. Charles always said that at the end, we'd get to live how we deserve. That's my time. My time is now. I want to sit on a porch somewhere out west and watch the horses graze. I wanna sit around doing nothing with Puppins in my arms. I want… I want to be with.. with you.”
He admitted, and for once Wade was the one speechless.
“I don't want you to visit. I want to live with you. But not here. I want to go somewhere quieter. Somewhere I can just be.. Logan..”
Putting a hand on his chest as he explained, he didn't see his smile move, not a smidge, watching as he bit his lip and covered his mouth trying to stay quiet until he was done.
“Of course I still want to help people though! Protect them from other worse people… I'm just tired of being someone's toy soldier all the time. I want to do what I think is right but.. also have time to listen to you sing when cooking and take Puppins to the dog park. I want to protect..Us.” Yeah. That felt right. Us. Both of them, all of them. Together. His family.
“B-besides.. If I became an X-men again I don't think I could do it. I could barely sleep back then thinking about all the screams.. the people I couldn't help. I don't think I would be able to get over the fact that I can't save everyone… But I definitely want to try to at least save a few people. Take care of them… all of them. Even if they don't think they need help.” He smiled a bit, taking a huge breath as the stress was relieved from his shoulders.
“Alright you can talk now because I'm never doing that ever again, that was super embarrassing.” He muttered, flushed as he looked down at his lap.
The second he gave him permission to speak, Wade screamed, a scream that made Logan's eyes widen and look at him with a slow blink. “....what was tha-”
Immediately he was pulled up from the bed, picked up and squeezed tightly as he jumped around. Grunting some, he held on tight, feeling a little nauseous. Sometimes it was easy to forget how strong he was.
Still screaming, Wade was extremely excited about all that was just said, Logan admitting that he wanted a serious future with him was a lot better news than he could have ever wished for.
“Put me down!... Wade!... I'm gonna throw up!” He said, whining that he was given uppies non consensually. Even he couldn't help but laugh though in response to his giggles. God that laugh was so annoying and yet his world would feel pointless without it.
Putting him down, Wilson grabs his cheeks, petting his beard. “Ooh Logan.. I don't need protection.. because I can't get pregnant. But if I ever find out that I can, I'll definitely hire you.” He jokes, causing more blushes as his hand comes up to Wades, nuzzling into it for a moment.
“You know what I mean…”
“I do. And while I won't stop you, how about you be your own soldier for a bit? Tell yourself how to live. Not anyone else. And i'll be behind you, wearing a shirt with your ugly mug on it, supporting you the whole way. Got it?”
“Aye! I'm not ugly!”
“No you are not! I've barely been home for 20 minutes and am already so wet. I haven't even taken a shower yet “ he mumbles casually as he begins walking away.
“Heh.. Hey…erm Wade?”
“Yes, love?” Just about to leave the room, he turns, smiling gently at how talkative his fiancé was.
Logan blushes more. “I uhm.. If I'm nobody's soldier… can your name be nobody?”
Wade looks confused at first, now it's his turn to figure out what he was saying.
“Cause.. if your name is nobody then i'd be.. nevermind.” Waving A hand, he glanced at his shoes, stuffing his hands in his pocket having just fumbled that line completely.
Within seconds, Wade was back in that room, giving him the sloppiest, deepest kiss that was available, kissing him all over.
“Oh Logie! You're so sweet! But leave the flirting to me, mkay? I don't need you throwing your back out trying too hard.” He pats his chest, grabbing his hand as Wade drug him by the wrist.
They both laugh as they enter the bathroom, closing the door with a click.
#nobody’s soldier#hoizer#poolverine#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman#ryan renolds#logan howlett#wade wilson#established relationship#peanutbub#wolverpool#loganpool#deadclaws#logan howlett x wade wilson#deadpool x wolverine#the wolverine#worst wolverine#dog tags#fix it au#dogpool#mary puppins#deadpool#deadpool 3#xmen wolverine#wolvie#wolverine has PTSD#comic deadpool#colossus#negasonic teenage warhead#yukio deadpool
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I ever tell you all about my role model?
So when I was a teen we had these two black labs. Good dogs. I miss them.
And I was in highschool when we took them both to the vet for vaccinations or something. And the vet had this small tuxedo cat that lived at the office, just hanging around in the waiting area.
And both my dogs see this cat and all the fur on their backs puffs up and they start growling and showing their teeth and closing in on this little cat as my mom and I try to drag them back, panicking that our pets are gonna try to murder the vet's pet.
And the cat barely pauses their grooming to look at them calmly and bap both of them on the nose in quick succession. No claws out. Not even a swipe. Distinctly a bop or maybe even a bap. Then they went back to grooming themself.
The dogs stopped growling. They look at each other, and then at us. I have never seen a more confused dog in my life.
They quietly went back and sat down where we'd been sitting, and didn't so much as look at that cat ever again.
And like...these are 80lb dogs.
And I decided I wanted to be like that cat. Not violent, but utterly poised in the face of danger. This cat refused to acknowledge that the dogs were bigger or any particular danger. And the dogs were so baffled by this that they assumed they were not any particular danger to the cat. And so, they weren't.
And when I've told this story online, there's usually some women who get really mad at me. They say I'm endangering women, or I'm victim blaming.
I don't know what to say. I'm 40 years old and 5ft 4. I have been in multiple jobs that frequently involved standing firm in the face of large angry men with histories of assault being very very mad at me while I am isolated from backup. And only one has ever dared to take a swing at me and he was so drunk I didn't even need to lean back he missed so badly.
Is it a perfect protection from danger? No, that's dumb. Nothing is. It would be nice if there was something we could do to always stay safe but even fairy tales know better than that.
And it sure as hell seems to protect me better than trying to placate, or than panicking, or escalating or isolating.
And multiple men over a foot bigger than me have voiced that there is something innately scary and intimidating about me. Actually especially taller men seem intimidated by me. I think because I refuse to have any emotional response to their size, and it stands out as weird to them, subconsciously (many of them are perfectly lovely people who I'm not trying to intimidate at all, but who are naturally used to the way most people react to them.)
It doesn't mean I'm never scared. But being rooted in the image of that cat has really has got me through a lot of situations.
It also has for sure made some bosses hate me, when they want groveling and I don't, but I'm doing just fine anyways.
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One month <3
Requested?- yess! Here <3
Warnings?- Fluff
A/N: Guys this is my first try writing in third person, please tell me if its trash or not! 😅
Y/N and Matt had finally welcomed their beautiful baby boy Conner into the world. He was home safe, sound and settled. Both of the new parents were enjoying their title. They felt extremely comfortable referring to each other as 'mommy' and 'daddy' when speaking with Conner and talking about themselves. The first month went by so quickly, Y/N and Matt had enjoyed every second of quality time they could have with their new addition. It did take them a while to get used to this new lifestyle.
"Matt you put the diaper on backwards!" Y/N chuckled.
"Hey, can you blame me? There are no instructions." Matt laughed with Y/N.
They had worked together and promised each other to talk things out if they are struggling. Y/N recently had been feeling the effects of postpartum depression, but her husband wasn't afraid to be at her side and support her in anyway shape or form.
"I don't why I am feeling so down, I am so happy that we finally can have a family but I just feel a little lost."
"Y/N it is completely okay to be feeling this way at this point in time, we can go to the doctor and get the support you need. We will get through this together. I promise." Matt kissed her lovingly to show that he does care. Y/N knew that he did.
A newborn in the house did result in sleepless nights, but Y/N and Matt did know what they signed up for.
The baby monitor released the sounds of crying from baby Conner in his nursery. It broke both of their hearts that he was in distress.
"I got it Matt don't worry."
Y/N hopped out of bed and went straight to the crying Conner to try and get him back to sleep. She picked him up from his crib and she tried breastfeeding, Y/N has always had trouble feeding Conner. Little did she know that Matt was watching and listening to the events over the baby monitor, he felt so upset for Y/N. He knew that she was devastated when she found that she would have troubles feeding her son.
"Why am I labelled a natural mom when I can't even feed my baby naturally." That comment replayed in Matt's mind. He didn't want Y/N to feel this way again, so he got out of bed and joined his wife in the nursery.
"You doing okay baby?"
"No i'm not. My body won't let me breastfeed." Tears start to sting the corners of Y/N's eyes.
"Baby, you're just tired. I got this one, i'm just going to get a pre made formula from the fridge, okay? Go back to bed and get some rest alright?"
"Okay." She murmurs.
"I love you Y/N." Matt says. Y/N doesn't say anything and walks out of the nursery back to the bedroom. Matt bounced Conner slightly up and down in his arms in a way to quieten him. Matt went over to the rocking chair and tried to see if skin to skin would make Conner fall back to sleep. Matt was already shirtless. Matt took Conner out of his onesie carefully and placed him on his chest.
"It's okay buddy, daddy's here." Matt hushed. He continued to craddle Conner on his chest for a few more minutes and after that Conner had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.
Conner was mostly a happy baby, so when he did cry during the day it didn't affect Y/N and Matt as much. Matt was such a good dad, he knew that the baby couldn't really respond at the moment. But he was being silly and fun with the baby. Matt would never put the baby in harms way. But he would scare Y/N a few times by throwing Conner up in the air slightly and catching him safely.
"God Matt! Don't do that, you scared me!" Y/N immediately took Conner from Matt's arms and held him close to her chest.
"Y/N, honey, I would never do anything to hurt Conner. It's just a bit of fun." Coincidentally Conner babbles quietly in a cute agreement. Both Matt and Y/N laughed at this interaction.
Every since Conner was born, Matt would be looking online for toys and games that they could play with together. Y/N knew that Conner was going to be Matt's best friend. Matt would order the biggest and coolest toys all over the internet. One day Matt would pick up an interactive dinosaur and the next day he would order a jellycat the same size and Y/N. Matt really cared for his child to feel safe and happy even if Conner couldn't appreciate it right now, but being a new father gave Matt a job to make sure both of those bullet points are ticked off the list straight away. Matt would start decorating the play room as soon as he had any free time, Matt had bought a comfortable small couch to put on the corner. he had bought a camouflage backdrop to put behind the sofa, he decided to theme the play room as a jungle. So Matt had bought loads of animal plushies and a teepee tent to put in the corner. Matt had purchased about a dozen of childrens books to read. Matt had also set up some fairy lights in the ceiling to really set the mood.
Y/N couldn't have been more proud and appreciative of Matt, he wanted his son to have the best childhood a father could offer.
Y/N and Matt really tried hard to make sure everything was prepared for Conner when he was able to play and walk and talk. They couldn't have been any better and supportive with one another.
Hey guys! I hope you really enjoyed this fanfic! if you have any suggestions/requests please do not hesitate to send something for me to see and i will try and get back to you asap! <3
Banner credits to @bernardsbendystraws <3
#matt sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo imagine#matt x reader#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#dad!matt#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matthew sturniolo x reader#matthew imagines#ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚ dad!matt˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ#.。*゚+.*Remi's corner *.+*゚.。
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For the Character: twitch 8, thrash 2, nightshade 18, hashtag 20, jawbreaker 21 and slipstream 14.
For the Ship Forte-verse Jazz/prowl D and for the author 🌍
2) First time meeting their best friend
Thrash first time meeting his best friends is when the Malto adopted him. Robby and Mo aren’t just his siblings but his best friends.
HOWEVER! Thrash was ecstatic to meet JB. They are connected to each other through an emotional bond and became friends quickly.
8) First time they took a risk, or the biggest risk they've ever taken
Teaching herself how to fly. None of the autobots fly, Wheeljack tried his best to help her but unfortunately he wasn’t successful at teaching something he doesn’t know. She had to learn herself, and with a lot of practice (and being a bit of an extremist.) she got it.
14) First time facing their fears
Slipstream isn’t necessarily scared of concepts she is instead more scared of certain people. She is afraid of Megatron most of all. She most of the time stayed out of his way. But When Megatron was going to kill Starscream she couldn’t stand by. She shielded Starscream with her body, this decision could have killed her but instead Megatron spared Starscream. She still got hit but at least her dad is alive, though he probably wished he was dead during the beating. Though she faced Megatron she is still scared.
18) First example of real character growth along their journey
(SMALL RANT. I am very upset on the treatment of Nightshade by both the fandom and the writers, l wont start on my issues with the fandom cause those issues aren’t relevant here. I wanted so desperately for Nightshade to be an actual character, and for season one they were but after that it was just over, no more problems, no more contemplating issues. Unfortunately like most Lgbtq characters, they are turned into a place holder, just a box to check on the pandering list. It seems like now nightshade is just the person with the remote that fixes everything, part of the reason why I like Earthspark Expeditions is Nightshades dialogue when you screw up. Nightshade pull no punches on making you feel bad, which is something that happened to me a lot cause I was really bad at those side quests. But even though they weren’t a playable character they still felt like more then a place holder, that bot can be sassy. And I loved it. But alas, it’s probably too much to expect a company to make actual Lgbtq characters like normal character. Regardless I feel like it is important to include lgbtq characters in media)
ANYWAY!! Nightshade came online and was alone, they saw the decepticons destroying everything/ some decepticons seeing Nightshade as vermin and the Autobots fighting back in a brutal way. They recognized that they were a similar species to the cybertronians but renounce they’re ferocity and brutal ways. Nightshade also learn the hard way that humans aren’t that different either. Feeling alone and confused about the world around them, they decided they would just live solitary. Until that option wasn’t available anymore due to the decepticons. Nightshade left with no better option followed Twitch to the Autobot base. Nightshade was stand-offish and sometimes mean. Throughout they’re adventures they learn that the Autobots are here to protect them and may not be right all the time but are trying. Nightshade connected with Bumblebee, they have many similarities. Nightshade also come to sympathies with some cons as well. Nightshade wants gets inspired to want things to change in peaceful way… there has to be a way.
20) First time they felt accepted/welcomed by another character
Hashtag had to be rescued from a M.E.C.H base. Being forced to fight both autobots and decepticons, She was very confused, aggressive and didn’t really know anything. She did know the bots she had an emotional connection with were apart of her in some ways and could be trusted. She didn’t really like humans either, so when Thrash took all the Terrans back to the Malto home she stay around the woods near their home.
It took lots of time but the Terrans as a collective brought her out of her shell and made her feel safe. They told her that technically she was the reason they all were together now. They may have never met if she didn’t call to them.
21) First major change in their life, and how they dealt with it
Jawbreaker leaving the decepticons. He had too. He needed to go find what was calling to him. But that wasn’t the only reason. He knew Megatron is wrong, maybe he was right a long time ago but now it’s wrong. Jb barely understands anything about the War but he has seen people get hurt, he’s been hurt.
Jb took a risk and left without looking back. He mostly keeps to himself about his decision but sometimes struggles with it and wants to go back. He’s not dealing with it too good, but he’s got his siblings to lean on when he needs it. He just hopes those he left behind are doing ok.
D) First kiss
After a couple of dates and Jazz egging Prowl on. Prowl went to kiss him, unfortunately there was more then his nerves getting in the way.
🌍 - First attempt at worldbuilding, or a notable piece of worldbuilding you're proud of
A personal series I have which has OOTALS AND OOTALS of of world building that I am proud of. I love this story and I’ve had it for years, probably one of the early stories I’ve made. It’s called Wolfram.
Tf stuff has definitely helped my world building skill.
#origonal work#personal project#Terrans#transformers au#slipstream#wolfram#my art#forte-verse#Jazz#prowl#prowljazz#hashtag#jawbreaker#thrash#twitch#nightshade#asks game#asks
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its hard for me to listen to 'our light' bcs wnvr i do i always look at the lyrics again and i just want to cry so badly
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i cannot. explain. the feelings. this SONG gives me ... w Those Two Guys .....#i feel like i haven't. still. properly completely absorbed wtf p5r was /pos !!! esp w the royal bits and shu/ake fkhfighskfbskfnsksb#sick rn and tired but i want to be productive and do homework but i'm so exhausted :'')#i hate it here. anyways! i love. fkevsjcksbf p5r was just... really something.....#that at the end of p5 i was just like wow love this game so fucking much and btw it was uhh one of the few games i have actually finished#BCS. YES i am interested and into so many games and i know a lot but i only have finished very few !!! sorry i probably have adhd#but that's a discussion for another time. Anyway. yeahh. at first it was just like yoo love this game#but i was expecting more (haha coming from endwalker so. big expectations from other games)#and ROYAL was what delivered and now i have That Thing that makes me vv attached to p5r so it remains one of my favs :] my brain works in a#weird way i can't really explain but yeah that's how i get attached to things and all uhh i am very sentimental and a deep person yeah#GOODNIGHT IN ADVANCE !! this week i'm supposed to like. go onsite for school#but tmrw i'm gna go online bcs i'm rlly tired n have a lot to do fksbfkns so Yeah#scared for tuesday but i will try my best... might have to stay online if my being sick rn is one of those rare occasions where it still#lasts rather than just disappears. hmm. let's see.
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The Definition of Jikook: Through Others Eyes
“Becca, how would you define Jikook?” In the last few months I have been asked this several times. And not by Jikookers. Since my bad experiences with offline events, I decided (in typical “me” fashion) to just throw myself out there and keep moving forward. This included joining more Twitter GC’s or Discord Servers and going to more offline events. In one of the most recent events, I lived locally and wanted to help. Therefore, I offered to escort some anxious Army from the train station to the venue.
Anyway, I was still cautious about going and, though there were a few odd moments, the event went really well overall. Something else kindled during this event that I did not expect: The desire to talk more about jikook. Before, even mentioning Jikook as a unit and not as Jimin and Jungkook was almost seen as a taboo. Especially compared to the other units that we are familiar with. Due to me no longer giving a damn and using my main twitter account, people relating to the event knew who I was and they had questions. Very interesting questions. About Jikook. About their enlistment. About the travel show. This was a pleasant surprise and it shocked me that some of these people already knew quite a lot without me telling them anything. Including some information that I thought was only in the Jikook circles. I asked one person why they didn’t talk about Jikook as much on Twitter and they said because they were scared with all the shipper fights. Which is quite valid really. If all you see whenever Jikook is mentioned is constant fighting, then you would distance yourself. It made me realise something though:
Even if someone isn’t talking about Jikook. They are still watching and are very much aware of what is going on.
Sometimes we amplify the wrong things and we give the loudest voices to the negative comments. When I do the Live Reactions series, I will sometimes have hundreds of positive screenshots to go through and then(somehow) pick twenty-five of them for the thread. It was really interesting to see so many people talking about Jungkook going Live whenever Jimin went overseas or about the travel show. It also reminded some of moments that were sadly forgotten about.
This touches on something else too. Our traditions as a fandom have somewhat changed. With the removal of the social media awards, we no longer boost BTS’ history like we used to. Elon has also changed how we find content, with the removal of “moments” and advanced searching now being really difficult to find things. There is still hope though. With Jin’s return, it was lovely to see so many asking about Jin as a person or how Festa would work. Sharing old memories and watching Bang Bang Con together added so much value to our experiences together as a fandom.It’s something we should treasure.
BTS have shared so much with us and it’s why I’ll forever be thankful for archive accounts. With every post or comment shared with others, we encourage them to learn more about the members or to watch content they may not have seen before. I experienced this myself when I mentioned Bon Voyage to someone who didn’t know what it was. They had only watched “In the Soop” and were excited by the concept of the members going abroad together. I hope they enjoy it!
Going back to Jikook, I have seen an increase of positive engagement surrounding them. This includes in both online and offline spaces. It makes me excited for when the travel show comes out and the conversations it will create, with so many already floating around. When I am asked how I define them myself, I try to turn it around. It doesn’t matter what I think about Jikook or how I define them. That should be obvious by my account. What matters is how others do and the respect that it holds.
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I?? YOU'RE CHRISTIAN TOO?????
AhHHHHhhh brOOoooo it's so hard to find genuine Christians anymore 😭😭 especially online. I've been too scared to say that I am one cause likeeee everyone always thinks that It's cringe or they don't agree with the same things as me so they might wanna argueee
No, but I got so excited when I found out that one of my favorite artists (Chiscribbs) was Christian too.
You can answer this ask privately if you want. I'm still not sure if I want people on my blog to know I'm Christian. It's been really bothering me though cause I'm not really supposed to be hiding the fact that I am just to fit in, but I already made mutuals with a lot of people who share opposing beliefs and I really don't want to stirr up conflict with anyone cause then it's not fun anymore. I feel like I should come clean about it, but at the same time, I don't want people to get mad at me or to think that I think I'm better than them or smth. I srsly regret making mutuals with those people now though. I'm trying to be more cautious with who I become mutuals with-
Anyways, sorry for likee dumping all this in your ask box. I just have a lot of respect for people who are openly Christian cause it just seems so scary to me lol
YOOOO! This is literally so cool finding so many awesome rise artists who are Christian too! And you don’t have to share on your blog if you’re Christian, but don’t be afraid to share yourself and Christ to others!
God says that yes, all Christians will receive hate one way or another, that’s just the sad truth. Like, I haven’t seen a single Christian artist out there pushing their values onto others who think differently; it’s usually the other way around, and I would know. But we can do our Best and share our art and Love to others, and ignore haters. Pray for them, actually. They don’t know it, bless them and love them as much as you can!! >:)
BLESSINGS!!! 💕💗
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