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[heymacy]

💛

[jarofstyles]

Leather & Lace

Hello my angels and welcome to Leather and Lace!!! We’ve got a very cute 3 parter (I’ve finished writing it) coming in for you guys. We love a good grumpy x sunshine and couldn’t help ourselves writing another one. Please leave us feedback! We love to hear from you

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Wc- 8.2k

Warnings- oral sex, praise kink, soft Dom h, opposites attract, cum play/swapping

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“How can you be this happy in the morning?” Harry grunted, hoodie pulled over his head as he sat down next to a bubbly Y/N. Her couch was comfortable but it didn’t make up for the fact that he was at her flat at 8 in the morning. 

“It’s not that early, lazy bones.” She hummed, tucking her legs under her as she sat down on the other side. “Thank you for coming to help today, by the way. I know you don’t like getting up early.”

He really didn’t, was the thing. He hated it. Harry only had so many days off and after working a long shift bartending last night, the very last thing he wanted to do was help someone unpack in their new flat. He’d rather claw at concrete than be awake right now, rather eat a raw egg, rather go through tattoo removal. If it was anyone but Y/N he would have laughed in their face at the mere ask. 

But it was her. It was twinkly eyed, pouty lipped, warm hearted Y/N who had asked him a week in advance and promised him a bagel with cream cheese and an iced coffee for brekkie, whatever he wanted for lunch, and ‘whatever he wanted in general!’. Little did she know he was going to say yes anyway, considering he knew he couldn’t say no to her sweet little ask with her smaller hand on his tattooed arm and wide eyes peering up at him. He wasn’t someone who liked to do things for many people without there being some sort of monetary gain, but this was different. 

Y/N had somehow latched herself onto one of the grumpiest bastards in the area while she herself was one of the sweetest girls he’d ever seen. Rarely spoke a mean word of anyone (except when they hurt someone close to her), went out of her way to help anyone who needed it and always wanted to be a shoulder to cry on. He’d seen her take money from her own wallet to cover someone’s bill when they were short, even seen her rush to help an elderly man across the street. It got her into trouble sometimes which was why he was glad that he’d been the hip she’d chosen to attach to. 

Their first interaction had been him sitting in the courtyard of their uni, listening to music under the tree. He’d had his sketchbook in hand, doodling in between classes when he looked up to see a girl with a pretty yellow bow in her hair offering him a cupcake because he looked ‘sad.’. He had been sad, actually, but that was pretty much his normal resting face. He’d tried to blow her off but she’d taken a seat next to him, introducing herself and telling him about her own day to ‘distract him’. He hated to admit that it worked. 

From then on, she popped up everywhere. At first he’d been a bit worried that she was following him but it truly was a coincidence. Y/N had found her way under his skin, wriggled her way into that cold heart of his and made it warm up just a little each time she came around. At some point she’d become a daily fixture in his life, her texts lighting up his phone with emojis and telling him to meet her at the cafe or the library- and for some reason, he followed.

“Mmm. Know y’wanted me here to see me get all sweaty. If y’wanted to see my tats and muscles so badly, you coulda just said so, Sweets.” He smirked, watching her eyes widen. So easy to fluster. 

“No! Stop teasing me, s’not nice.” She grumbled, poking his knee with her socked foot. She’d chosen lavender striped ones today. “I don’t have a lot of strong friends, you know that. Niall’s comin’ by after work to help you put the bedframe together and move the books from the car. Besides, I’ll let you sleepover and everything after we’re all done. I know you loveeeee my bed.”

He did. But more than anything he liked laying in said bed with her. Harry had a hard time admitting he had begun to gain feelings for the girl but deep down he knew he did. He liked that she insisted on cuddles, curling her leg around his and nuzzling her face into his chest, or even better yet the crook of his neck. Loved when she’d sleepily ask him questions about his life and tell him facts about her own. She resembled a tiny kitten while sleepy, insistent on getting all of the pets and attention. 

Harry had decided he wasn’t the relationship type after his last girlfriend had cheated on him with his old best mate- but meeting Y/N had reminded him of the die hard romantic that laid underneath the surface. All the hard work he’d had piling up bricks on top of his red, bleeding heart had seemed to be consistently excavated by the pastel wearing girl who still enjoyed the fairy lights he used to see online in those aesthetic bedroom photos. It scared him a bit at first. Even now, he was nervous about the idea of getting closer to her than they were now because her heart was a tender and precious thing and he didn’t necessarily trust himself not to hurt her- but then again, he knew he’d do miles better than anyone else could. He’d spent the time learning about her as the months went by, listening to her drawl on about the pinterest boards she made, her dream finds she always looked for at the thrift stores, her least favorite reality TV contestants, which pastries she found to be too dry at the cafe and which had the best level of moisture, what blankets she liked, every little tidbit he had stored away in his brain to use at a later date. 

No one would be as protective of her as he would be, which was why lately he’d been entertaining the thought of perhaps moving past the point of no return and trying to see if maybe, possibly, perhaps.. They could be more. 

It had come with a lot of deliberating but he’d come to understand that if he failed, Y/N wouldn’t caste him to the side. She’d never in a million years abandon him like he feared, which only gave him more motivation to go for it though… He was still biding his time. He had to let her get settled here before he shook up her life a bit more. 

They were opposites, the sweet girl and him. Harry was quite literally the bad boy cliche of everyone’s after school special’s dreams. His hair was long and curled, brushing his jaw. He went for darker clothing, usually his ripped black skinny jeans and a band tee but sometimes more eccentric with some silk and leaving his tits out when they went on a night out. His nose had a simple black hoop, his nails painted and chipped though this week they were a bubblegum pink, a la Y/N’s expertise. His body was hard from the gym he liked to frequent and inked, only getting more every month. He wore the occasional eyeliner when he felt spicy. That was only the physical things. 

Sometimes he wondered why she felt drawn to him, as she said. He was dark and moody with a darker sense of humor. Somewhat of a pessimist, he expected the worst from people and tended to stay away from them the best he could. The opposite of a social butterfly, he only usually went out in the past for a drink or to get his cock wet, never for the pleasure of interacting with people. Even then it was rare considering he did quite well in the hookup area being a bartender himself. 

Harry often wondered how and why she felt the pull to be around him and why she felt so at ease in his presence but he figured it had to be that he’d knocked the lights out of a bloke in her philosophy class who’d been riding her ass. He’d made the wrong decision of cornering Y/N at a party Harry had been dragged to, touching her a bit too much and not listening when her smile became thin and she backed away from him after giving a rejection much too polite than the man deserved. There had been no hesitation in laying him out, tugging Y/N into his side and demanding she stay with him for the rest of the party after she insisted she didn’t need to go home. 

Funnily enough she’d been a hit with his own small group of friends, everyone also feeling the same sort of kindred protection over her. Not many people were genuinely warm and fuzzy in the way she was. 

Y/N was… She was the sun, she was a cinnamon roll fresh baked on a sunday morning, she was a kitten sprawled in a sunbeam. All the good things, he could find a way to relate them to her. That probably should have been the indicator he had feelings for her far sooner than he’d ever let himself admit, but she had taken the time to crack him open. 

It was hard to stop thinking about what made her both his opposite and so special. Harry dwelled on how soft her clothing always was, both in color and texture. She liked those pastel colors and fuzzy cardigans, hair bows and those signature mary janes with the tiny heels. Lip oil as opposed to lip gloss because it was ‘too sticky’ but still dragged all his attention to her lips and made him wonder if it really tasted like tangerine like it smelled. 

Her touch was gentle and tender, cautious at first but as soon as she got the go ahead, she showered you in attention. At least, she did to him. Brushing stray hairs out of faces and wiping crumbs off cheeks, she had little sense of personal space once granted permission. She’d been mindful of his distaste for touch at the beginning but once he’d leaned into it, the girl had no qualms about straightening his shirt or leaning into his form, hell- there had been a few times she’d helped herself to his lap when there was no other seating option. Usually that was when she was tipsy considering she would most likely be a little shy sober, but that was something he enjoyed. 

The light to his dark, he doubted anyone else could make him feel the way she could. Hence why he was up after only getting 4 hours of sleep, sipping the coffee she’d gotten him. There was little he wouldn’t do for a hint of her smile. 

—--

“Babe, you’ve got t’make a decision.” Harry said gently, placing the large mirror down and leaning it against the wall. 

“I know, I know but… It’s bad luck to have your mirror facing your bed.” She wrung her fingers together. “I’m sorry, H. I know I’ve been a bit of a pain in the rear today. I promise m’not trying to, but It’s my first place and I just want it to be perfect.” Her head looked down, making his heart squeeze. 

God damn it. Leave it to her to make him feel like he’d kicked a puppy. Sighing, he tugged the bandana on his head back into place and approached her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “M’not upset with you. Promise. I just think you’re overthinking it a bit.” Her superstitions did tend to make her feel a little squirrely sometimes and he knew it.  “We’re gonna make it look perfect. Incredible, even. Reckon the magazines will be calling you up to feature you, but we can’t just have a freestanding mirror slab.” He’d picked it up for her off of craigslist just a bit ago. Even if it wasn’t a dodgy listing, he wouldn’t let her go on her own. That’s how people got kidnapped. 

“Ugh, I know.” She groaned, flopping into his chest. Never mind it being sweaty, she rubbed her nose between his tits and let out a tired groan, her hair smacking his chin. It’d been tossed up in a very messy bun that was a bit lopsided but made her look doubly as cute, though he didn’t tell her that. “Why don’t we mount it to the back of your door then? Not facing your bed, or another mirror.” 

He could almost hear her brain going as she mulled it over before he felt the nod against his chest. “That will be good, I think. I love that idea.” Y/N had been going back and forth over design choices with him all day as if he had a clue about interior decor, but he had appreciated her caring about his opinion nonetheless. “That can be the last thing we do. Niall’s fucked off somewhere futzing with the books so we can eat after that’s done.” 

The thud of his heart against her ear was steady as he gently ran a hand over her shoulderblade. “What’s on the menu?” 

“Think we’re ordering pizza because I know m’too tired to cook which means you lot have to be too.” She chuckled, finally prying herself out of his chest and blinking up at him.”Then we can go to bed.”  He was thankful her ear was away from his heart so she couldn’t hear the way it stuttered. You’d think after sleeping in her bed a multitude of times that he’d get used to the sound of that sentence but it still did him in every time. 

“Okay. I can run and pick it up after I mount this to the door if you call it in.” He knew she wouldn’t want to go. It was visible on her face how tired she was and it melted him internally. He knew that she’d be a little snuggly menace tonight and fuck if he wasn’t looking forward to it. “Gonna run into the pharmacy t’grab some body wash for here, if thats okay?”

“Course it is.” She beamed at the suggestion, making him happy that he’d even brought it up. Y/N used to suggest he sleep heer a lot before and he’d refuse, thinking she was just trying to be polite- but she really did enjoy him staying with her. “I liked the pomegranate one you used last time, just sayin’.” Patting his chest she moved from his grip, heading to grab her phone. “Normal for you?”

“Yeah, love. Same as usual.” He rubbed over the achy spot in his chest that she’d left by pulling away, looking forward to sleeping tonight so he could feel it fill back up.

—-----------

Harry had grabbed the pomegranate bath stuff. He’d grabbed the whole line, actually, the shampoo, conditioner, body wash and some sort of ‘skin buff.’ Whatever that was. 

Y/N had squeaked as he showed her, along with a pack of the makeup wipes she usually used and he’d steal. He’d figured it was about time to be the one to buy the replacements. “Ah! And you got the face mask I like.” Her eyes were wide and bright as she bounced on her toes, smacking a kiss to his stubbly cheek before looking back down at the holographic packaging. He’d hoped he had gotten the right one when he’d seen a sale on them when on his way to the check out counter. It was worth the little bit of money to feel her lips for a moment. “Thank you, H. You’re the best, as usual.” 

“The hell am I?” Niall scoffed, wiping his hands dry after washing them. 

“You’re great too, but he got me the face masks I like and they usually sell out. So he’s a bit higher up in points today.” She placated him, brushing past him to put them in the bathroom. “Harry, plate up the pizza, pretty please!”

As soon as she had disappeared, Niall shot him a look. “When are you two gonna make it official?” He whispered. “The heat eyes bouncin’ off the both of you is sickening at this point. She’s turned you soft.” 

Harry settled with a glare, placing two slices on the paper plate and sliding it over to him. “Eventually. Her whole life is shifting. Can’t do shit right now without rattling her.” It was the first time he admitted or even hinted at having feelings for her besides point blank telling anyone who came around that she wasn’t available. Y/N didn’t know he did that though. 

“Thank fuck you don’t still have your head up your arse. I was worried you’d never admit you’re gone for her.” He faked wiping sweat off his head making the other man roll his eyes. “She’ll be happy, H. You don’t have to worry about her rejecting you. Just go on and do it. She talks about you like you hang the moon every night at this point even when you aren’t around.” 

A weakness he’d spotted, Harry stood a bit straighter before leaning in. “She does? What does she say?” Oh, he hated how desperate he sounded to hear the answer but the fluttering in his stomach made him insisting on finding out. 

“Oh, how thoughtful and kind and generous you are and how you’re the best person she knows, all of that. She stares at her phone and waits for texts from you when she comes out and you’re working, gets these huge smiles or giggles when you do. or tries to get everyone to move the party to your bar.” 

That last part, he’d hoped for. He liked the idea of her wanting to be physically close to him and suggesting everyone come and see him, but knowing she did the same thing he did when waiting for messages from him soothed a piece of him. He wasn’t alone in it. It was hard sometimes for him to decipher her behavior considering she was genuinely so friendly with everyone and he didn’t want to flatter himself and think it he was special… but apparently he was. 

He didn’t have a chance to answer when Y/N glided from the bathroom, finding her spot on the kitchen barstools. “What did I miss?” 

“Nothin’, Babe. Just chatting shit.” He murmured, sliding her a plate with her pizza of choice on it. “Figured we’d go to the grocery tomorrow, yeah? It’s a bit sparse in here with the food.” He had the next day off and intended on spending it with her. They’d made lots of progress today and had 80% of the place unpacked, but he knew she liked those restocking videos online. “Think they’ve got those organizers back in stock.” 

“Oh!” She gasped.”Yes, you genius. I’ll need your help though, strong man. I like the one trip wonder.” It was a tease considering she knew Harry hated making multiple trips up with bags. 

“Lucky for you, you’ve got a lift now and I’ve got that collapsible wagon.” Reaching out he gently flicked her nose for being a brat. “So we won’t have t’worry about that.” 

—-----

Y/N was either very oblivious or a tease. Harry could never fully figure out which one. 

He sat on her bed, messing with her telly when she emerged from the shower in her little cotton shorts and one of his shirts. It was one he’d just been looking for last week, actually, an old Iron Maiden one with a few holes in the collar area. Unmistakably his. The faded gray complimented her skin, looking extra cozy on her as her powder blue plush bunny slippers flopped against the ground and she made her way to her skincare desk. 

“You little thief.” He grumbled from the bed, leaning against her headboard. “I was searching everywhere for that last week.” Though he had narrowed eyes she would know he was only teasing. 

“You left it with me, remember? I ended up packing it so I wouldn’t forget it but… It’s super comfy.” She smiled guiltily at him, spinning in her chair. “Is it okay if I wear it? It still smells like your cologne and it helps me sleep sometimes…”

Ah, a shot to the heart. 

Y/N didn’t know what it did to him to know he was an aid in good sleep. That it both made his heart stutter and his cock throb at the sight of her wrapped up in his clothing like she had all the rights to it. Like he was her boyfriend and she liked to wear it to remember him. Her scent had a similar effect on him, leaving it in his sheets when she stayed over,  “Totally okay, lovely.” He smiled gently. “M’just teasing you. Though it does wonders for my ego to know you like my cologne that much.” 

He knew he was making her a little flustered considering she didn’t look right at him, but he thrived off of that. Knowing he made an impact on her like that made him feel just a bit more confident that she felt similarly to him. There was no answer from her, but he wasn’t done with her quite yet. Standing up with a groan, he made his way over to her little makeup and skincare set up, placing his hands on the back of her chair. “What are you putting on your face?” He asked curiously, looking over her head to the products she had neatly organized.

“Well, first I wipe with one of these toning pads.” She opened the little tub, using a tiny pair of clear tongs to grab one. “You don’t want to be sticking your fingers in there and potentially making them all dirty so it came with this little thing. You give it a few passes over your t zone.” She showed him as she did it, Harry watching diligently in the mirror. 

“Mmm. Then what? You’re always doin’ all of this fancy stuff to your face. Figure that's why your skin is so pretty.” He let his fingers fiddle with a few strands of hair. 

“Thank you.” She said sheepishly, picking up a smaller tube. “Um, I use this undereye cream to help with puffiness and brightening. Its soothing. I apply it with the smallest finger though, because while I’m not afraid of wrinkles it’s the weakest fingers and the skin under your eyes is more delicate.” 

Huh. “Didn’t know what.” He was actually learning something from this. 

“Mhm. Why do you think I tell you to go gentle when you use the makeup remover?” A smile tilted up one side of her lips a bit further, eyes focused on the mirror in front of her. She pretended not to notice the slight shiver he gave her when he leaned down, letting his face get more level with hers- but he did. He noticed anything he could. “A-And then I use some vitamin C stuff for brightening, a serum and a cream. I use the little fan to make it dry faster so it isn’t sticky.” She pointed to the mini pink fan he’d always noticed. He’d just assumed it was for when she got hot. “Do you… Would you like me to use some of it on you when I’m done?” 

She sounded hesitant to ask which he understood. Not a lot of the guys in their friend circle would want that, but he wasn’t that insecure about himself that he’d say no to someone pampering him. Especially not when it meant Y/N getting close to him. “Sure, sweets. I’d love that. Reckon my skin needs it.” 

“What do you usually do with it?” She asked curiously, meeting his eye in the mirror. 

“Makeup remover, wash my face, that cream you left at my place if I remember.” 

“It’s not fair you have the skin you do.” She huffed, shaking her head. “Cruel, actually.” It kind of was. He got long lashes too, which she always complained about. “Go and wash your face first, heathen.”

Harry let out a small laugh before going off to do that. Returning with a fresh face, he stood in his prior position, watching her finish up the routine before holding the fan closer to her face to finish it off. It was an interesting process he hadn’t paid much mind to before, but then again, she didn’t bring every single thing to his place either. 

After putting her hair up in a claw clip, she stood up from the plushy chair and motioned for him to sit down. He did as asked, feeling her residual warmth as she lined up the products for them. “Okay, so we start with the toner pad.” She gently pushed him to lean back in the chair, her face coming closer to his as she delicately swiped it over his cheeks and nose. He was getting an up close look at her, noticing the scar near her eyebrow and a few spots on her face. It made him warm up a bit, being able to see her so close when she was awake. Usually this level of observation was reserved for when she was asleep. “Oi, keep your head up.” 

“Sorry.” He laughed, avoiding the impulse to move the chair back and forth. He liked to swing on it at times. 

“Wait- how about this.” Without giving it much thought, she gripped the chair and swung it over to turn his body to the side, helping herself to straddle his lap. “This seems a little easier, no?” Fingers gently tipped his chin up, eyes focused on her motions. 

Harry’s breath had disappeared. No longer available, he felt her sitting on top of his thighs, innocent as ever as she went through the motions. Tender with her movements and pressure, she was treating him like porcelain while giving him a little makeover. He should be focused on how nice the products felt on his skin, but his mind was elsewhere. 

She smelled amazing, as usual, but having it this close up was a little hard for him. Yes, she sat on his lap before- but not in his shirt, with her thighs on display and tiny little shorts. She didn’t straddle him before either, didn’t let his mind wander to places it shouldn’t. All his energy was focused on trying to ensure she didn’t feel the stiffy that was quickly growing in his pants. 

“I can’t believe how good you’re being for me, H.” She whispered. “No whining or anything.” Her smile was soft as she wiped the serum over his face. “You’re so pretty.”

Fuck. He swallowed thickly, trying desperately to not let his cock construe those words into the filthy praise kink he had, but it appeared to be a bit too late for that. She had no idea what she was doing to him and he didn’t want to be a perv, but god damn. If the girl continued, there would be no denying that he’d cream his damn pants. Being pet on, feeling her brush his hair off his forehead while she stroked his face and adjusted his position to where she wanted… He was only so strong. “Thanks.” He murmured, trying to keep his composure. 

“Of course.” She beamed, seeming pleased. “I’m surprised you’re letting me do this, but you’re full of surprises.” It seemed like she didn’t know the battle he was facing internally, which was his goal, but that was soon to be ruined. “Hold on a second.” Shifting slightly on his lap, she stood up momentarily before sliding further up. “Sorry, I was falling down a bit-” 

Harry hadn’t meant to, he really fucking didn’t. But she sat right on top of him, squirming a bit. Giving his dick a bit of friction, making his hands grip her hips and sit her down hard to stop the movement. He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t face her as he heard the hitch in her breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Sorry, I didn’t- I promise m’not being a creep or anything.” He winced. “Just been a while and uh-” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Her voice rang out, fingers brushing through his hair. “H, look at me. I’m not mad.” Of course, her words were sweet and syrupy, going right to his dick yet again. Y/N had no fucking idea how much she effected him, how many times he’d thought about her in this positon and how guilty he felt that he’d turned a sweet moment into something like this. “C’mon. You don’t need to be embarrassed.” 

He took a moment before opening his eyes, looking at her face. Studying it, making sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. Her hand cupped the side of his face, a slight pout on her pretty lips. Y/N didn’t seem upset about it, seeing as she sat still and could most definitely feel his cock under her. He could feel her cunt over him, hot through the fabric and he was doing everything in his power to be fucking normal. 

“There you are.” The tables had finally turned. Harry was the shy one in this moment and Y/N was the one seemingly not freaked out. “It’s a natural body function, H. I know you’re not some kind of perv. I sat on your lap, remember?” She soothed his nerves. “Besides, I’m flattered. Was beginning to think you thought I was some kind of troll or something.” The smile kicked up on her face, but his frown deepened.

“The fuck? Why would you think that?” Brows furrowed, he didn’t like that she thought he didn’t find her attractive. He called her pretty quite a bit. 

“Well, I’m not your type. You go for all those tattooed girls with the bad ass attitudes, which is cool cause I think they’re hot too but… I’m all soft and squishy, y’know? I like the soft things, kinda the opposite of you so I just thought I wasn’t someone you’d be attracted to. M’nothing like what you go for.” She didn’t seem offended by this, rather stating it matter of fact- but Harry couldn’t believe how wrong she was. He had to wonder how long she thought this. 

While he was secretly pining after her, she was thinking he was going off to get blowies by the girls that flirted with him which, sometimes he did. At the beginning of their friendship, he tried to stave off those feelings for her by getting someone else underneath him, fucking away the frustration but he learned fairly quickly that none of it did much when his mind was on someone else. It’d been months at this point. Sure, he liked a bit of flirting to boost his ego, but that was only when Y/N was preoccupied. 

“Well, you’re wrong.” He said sternly. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Dunno where the troll idea came in when m’always staring at you.” He scoffed. “No more of that bullshit. Wouldn’t be hard if I didn’t think you were stunning. Trust me.” In fact, she was the only thing that got him hard these days. Thinking of her mouth, her thighs, her tits, her ass, anything. Even her hands, for fucks sake. “Don’t ever doubt how beautiful you are t’me. Pisses me off.”

“Sorry.” She bleated, pouting back at him. “I didn’t mean to. It’s just.. You call me pretty but I never would have thought you meant it like that. I like that you let me cuddle you and stuff so obviously I know you aren’t repulsed by me but, I dunno.” She swallowed, looking down at his bare chest. “I’m sorry for getting you… if you’re uncomfortable.” 

God, he was mucking this up wasn’t he? He shook his head, letting his thumbs rub over her hips as he softened his face. “No, sweets. Don’t apologize. S’not a big deal, I’m not mad at you. Just don’t like the idea of you thinking poorly of yourself. You’re fucking stunning.” So stunning that his cock was still hard under her. “I’ll go take care of it when we’re done, but no more squirming. Okay?” Squeezing her, he tried to rectify the situation. “No more fussing.” 

“But…” Y/N’s lips twisted slightly, sliding her hands down to his shoulders. “That’s not fair.” 

Harry blinked a few times, looking her over hesitantly. “What d’you mean? I’m okay, pet.” 

“Well, It’s my fault that you’re like this.” She protested. “I can fix it, if you want. Haven’t given too many blowies before, but I can take instruction pretty well.”

Harry truly thought he was dreaming for a moment, his face hot as she gave him an innocent look. Like she meant it, though it slightly embarrassed her for not having a lot of experience. But feeling her shift on him clued him back into reality. This was real. “You- You don’t have to do anything for me, Y/N.” He was holding on by a string. “You didn’t mean to do it. It’s not your responsibility to get me off just because my cock’s got a mind of his own.”

Y/N huffed again, shaking her head. “I want to. Can I?” Her face shifted slightly. “You’re not making me do anything. It would make me feel better If i could take care of you.” Her eyes met his. “I mean it. Promise.” 

And god, if Harry was a stronger man he’d lift her off his lap and insist on taking care of it himself. He’d explain that it could make lines blurry and he liked her a bit more than a friend and they’d have that talk. But he wasn’t a stronger man, and she rolled her hips on him again with a hum, making his head fall back when she repeated the action. “Fuck.” He whispered under his breath. “As long as.. As long you’re sure. I don’t want you to regret it or anything.” 

“I won’t.” She peeped. “I like making you feel good, Harry.” Her face seemed brighter as she watched him nod.

“Go on then, sweetheart.” He sighed. “I’ll show you what I like.” 

Never in a million years had he expected her to be visibly excited, slipping off his lap and on to her knees in front of him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Eyes looked up at him with curiosity, hands running over his thighs as she waited for direction. He’d dreamt of this so many times, stroked off in the bathroom to this very mental image to get his load out quicker. His cock pulsed inside his sweats. This was really happening. “M’not wearing briefs under these.” He warned, pushing the waistband down as he slowly tugged himself out of the pants. His hand was slightly shaky ass he gave himself a squeeze at the base, a soft hiss leaving his teeth when her hand covered his own. 

“I’ve only done it a few times but…” Her eyes widened. “Yours is the prettiest I’ve seen.”

And fuck if that didn’t get him going. Harry took pride in his dick, as a lot of men did, but to get that compliment was better than anything else. His hair was normally trimmed shorter, but it had been a while. It was groomed a bit at the base, his happy trail leading up his stomach. “Thank you.” He mumbled, removing his hand and letting hers take over. Y/N was eager and that much was obvious, feeling her give him a few strokes as she shuffled closer in between his spread thighs. “I- I probably won’t last long. I wasn’t lying, it’s been a while.” And he’d imagined her in this position so many times that he was programmed to get off to it quickly. 

“That’s okay. You’re quite big so it’ll be better for my jaw.” She giggled. Fucking giggled while her thumb rubbed over the slit, making him shudder. He’d always imagined she’d be much more shy in this situation, but again he was proven wrong. “What do you like?” 

Honestly? He could cum just like this. Her stroking him slow, looking up at him with that pretty little face. Splatter her pretty face with pearly strings leaking from the slit of his cock, let it drip down her cheeks and chin. But she wouldn’t like that answer. “I’m okay with anything you give me, but I… I like to hear you.” He swallowed, a shaky exhale leaving his nose. “And uh, a bit wet. If that’s something you’d like.” 

Y/N looked like she was taking note, nodding at his words. “I want to know what you like, m’okay with anything.” She smiled. “I knew you had to be big cause.. Y’know you’ve got the energy. And I’ve felt it a few times when we cuddle, before you wake up. It’s just different to see it.” Y/N leaned her head on his thigh, continuing to jerk him off. “I’ll probably choke a little bit, cause you’re the biggest I’ve taken. It’s okay though, I’ll be fine. I’ll pinch your tummy or somthin’ if I need a second to breathe.” 

Who the fuck was she? Y/N had never, ever shown or hinted at being filthy in her life, but here she was. Talking about choking on his cock. He throbbed in her hand, making her eyebrows raise. “You liked that. Noted.” Leaning forward, she kept eye contact with him as she dragged her pink tongue from the base up to the tip, letting it sit there for a moment before she pulled away, giving him a few more strokes. “You can show me what you like too. Don’t be shy about it, H. I want you to feel good.” 

Harry nearly lost it as he watched those gorgeous lips purse, spitting right over the tip. It slipped down his length before her hand caught it, stroking and spreading it over his cock. Filthy, filthy things filled his tongue immediately, but he tried to pace himself. “Fuck me…” He whispered, gently gathering her hair in his hand. “I didn’t know you had this in you, gorgeous.” It nearly bowled him over. “Can you.. Take it in your mouth. Suck the tip for me. I want to see that.” 

Normally, he had no problem being a cocky, arrogant man. He was dominant most of the time with his hook ups- but Y/N wasn’t just a hook up to him. She was special. He didn’t want to do a single thing to potentially fuck this up. He wanted her to like this, to see how much he liked it too. She had no problems following instructions, the man watching as her lips stretched around the tip and dipped down a bit as she suckled on it. A soft hum left her mouth and vibrated over him as he curled the hair around his fist, making him groan. “Yeah, jus’ like that, angel. Fuck.” He kept his eyes on her as she bobbed shallowly, taking moments to rub her tongue over his leaking slit. “You’re so good, so sweet t’me. Can’t believe you’re doin’ this.” 

Y/N pulled off the tip, lips wet as she peered up at him. “I’ve thought about it before.” She whispered, lapping over the side of his length. “Wanted to see your cock. I knew it’d be pretty.” 

What the fuck? Harry’s brian felt fried, completely caught off guard by this information. Sure, he had thought maybe once or twice she was teasing him but it wasn’t often. Y/N was just so sugary sweet and kind, a slight air of innocence, and… Now she was telling him she’d thought about sucking him off before. “You have?” 

“Mhm.” She stroked him a bit firmer, the slick sound of her hand around his wet cock getting louder. “I heard.. Heard rumors and felt left out. You like me the best but you never asked me to do anything.” Rubbing the tip over her pouted lips, Harry was shocked yet again. 

“Cause y’mean more to me than any of the other people.” He swallowed. “Too fuckin’ sweet. I like you the best, you’re right but.. You’re my sweet girl. Didn’t want t’use you for anything like that. Would break my heart if I hurt you and you’d not want to see me again.” 

“What if I wanted you to use me?” She asked, peering up at him with those eyes. They drove him absolutely mad. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me unless I asked, H. You’re so good to me… I just want to be good for you too.” Taking the tip back into her mouth, she pushed herself down further and he felt his stomach clench. It took him off guard, feeling the hot mouth take him down and bob herself against him, a soft hum vibrating over him. 

“Oh- Fuck.” He let out a broken groan, leaning further back into the chair. “You are, baby, you fucking are. Hot little mouth… shit.” She whimpered around his cock at his words, sucking a little harder as her hand stroked the rest of him. She liked that. “What is it, hm? Like when I call you baby? When I tell you how perfect you are?” His words got a bit darker. He was slipping into another headspace and Y/N seemed to be coaxing it on. 

She did a half ass nod, not pulling off his length as she continued. Harry wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that she’d be a greedy girl like this, but he was incredibly thankful that she was. “You are. Such a good girl, so gorgeous with your mouth stretched around my cock. Didn’t know you were gagging for it, baby. Should’ve told me.” He chuckled darkly. “Wouldn’t have wasted my loads in the shower before comin’ t’bed with you. Could’ve pushed into your needy mouth and let you swallow it down.” 

Y/N moaned around his prick, eyes watering slightly as she looked at him. He’d never seen a better sight. “You’re so beautiful, angel. So pretty. Didn’t know such a filthy thing could have you lookin’ even more beautiful.” His throat felt thick as his cock throbbed in her mouth. “Fuck, you don’t even know how many times I’ve thought about it.”

Y/N pulled off, panting slightly as webs of saliva connected her mouth to his cock. “How much?” Her voice was a little hoarse, but he could hear that she was desperate to know. “You- You could have. I don’t want you to waste it anymore.” There was the tiny bit of shyness coming back in. “If umm, if you think  I’m good enough at this. I’ll do it.” 

“Fuck me, baby.” His thumb wiped over her spit soaked lips, breaking the threads of spit as he caressed her cheek. “All the fucking time. S’the only thing that gets me off.” Confessions he hadn’t thought he’d be saying so soon, let alone before he’d ever kissed her, spilled from him. “You’re doing amazing. More than good enough, too fucking good for me.” He couldn’t believe she was offering. “You sure you want t’be the one to take care of it?”

“Yes, I want it. I don’t want anyone else to do it.” She pleaded. “I’ll be the best for you. Just- you can tell me and I’ll suck you or, or anything you want.” Harry tested it, gently pushing her head back towards his prick- which she immediately took back in her mouth. The perfect, wet heat bringing him back to that filthy place in his head. 

How could she think he could ever say no? She’d been his weakness since she brought him over that damn cupcake. 

“Oh, sweet girl. Anything?” He cooed. “Dangerous thing to promise me. Don’t want anyone else to do it either.” His breathing was getting harder, trying not to thrust his hips up into her mouth and make her take it all. Sure, she’d probably do it, but he still felt the need to be delicate with her. “Take a little more for me, baby. Just like- there, there you go.” He praised, mouth falling open as she did exactly what he wanted. “Gonna make me cum.” 

This felt a million times better than rubbing one out in her bathroom. His legs were near vibrating, the wet sound of her mouth taking him down and the clicks of her hand stroking his spit soaked cock filling her bedroom. This was the last thing he’d expected was her on her knees for him tonight and part of him wasn’t convinced it wasn’t a wet dream, but he was thanking whatever higher power that was up there that his sweet girl had a dirty side to her. One he wanted to be the only one privileged enough to see. 

“In my mouth.” She gasped, pulling up for a moment. “Want to taste you. Please?” 

How could he ever tell her no? 

Pushing her back down on his cock, he let his hips rise up and shallowly thrust into her mouth as she moaned around him, drooling down her chin and letting him use her the way he needed to get off. The best part was knowing she was enjoying it so much. It was a miracle he’d lasted this long already, but he attributed that to shock. She was dirty, his sweet girl, choking slightly on his cock as the tip hit her throat, but she made no move to want to stop. 

His last straw, though, was feeling her hand over his balls, whining around him as he let out his deepest groan yet. It was sloppy and messy and so fucking good that he felt lightheaded, tummy hot and legs weak as he felt himself approach his end. “Fuck, jus’ like that, your fucking mouth is perfect… fuck, fuck, fuck, baby- M’gonna cum, gonna cum, gonna-” His voice failed as his head fell back, lifting his hips as his cum began to pour into her mouth. Ribbon after ribbon coating her throat, pulling back a bit to get it on her tongue while she worked him through it. 

He didn’t realize he had so much in him, but perhaps it was just Y/N that made him cum this much. This hard. His ears rung a bit, curses leaving his mouth as he watched her mouth open and hand stroke him to see the pearly mess on her tongue. At the last little bit,he used his grip on her hair to tug her up to his face. 

“C’mere, sweet girl. Share with me, don’t be greedy.” holding her face while the other had her hair, he pulled back into his lap and her mouth to his and groaned as she licked over his tongue, sharing the remnants of his load with him. It was something a bit nasty and deprived, he knew, but Y/N merely moaned back, her clean hand curling around the back of his neck. 

The kisses slowed from frantic and hot, to softer, slow and sweet. Pecking her lips over and over again, her whimpers melted into giggled as he untangled from her hair, sliding his hand under the shirt she had on to get some bare skin on his fingertips. “Sweetest thing, most beautiful girl.” He murmured between kisses. “Thank you. Best I’ve ever had.” 

“You’re jus’ saying that.” She whispered, though the smile was difficult to wipe off her face. Obviously she liked praise just as much as him. 

“Nope. Mean every word.” He confirmed, rubbing his nose over her cheek. “Thank you, baby. Felt so damn good, can’t feel my legs now.” Harry’d never felt like this after a blowie, both in his legs and the fondness he felt for the girl. If there had been any doubts about his feelings for her whatsoever, they were shattered. He was so far gone for her, it was pathetic. 

“Good.” She smiled, feeling the kiss to his cheek. “I need to finish your skincare, though. So tuck yourself back in, cause m’gonna do that and then brush my teeth again. Though.. I can tell you’ve got a good diet. Tasted nice.” 

Though Harry knew cum never really tasted good, he was chuffed that she hadn’t minded. Even more, that she hadn’t minded indulging in sharing with him. “M’not selfish, I need to help you too.” He reminded, though she merely shook her head. 

“I’ll take a raincheck. M’so tired now, and I want to enjoy it fully.” Pecking his cheek in return, she picked up the moisturizer. “Think you need a lip mask too. Thankfully, you’re in the right hands.” 

Harry was sometimes a selfish lover with hookups and he could admit that, but with Y/N he never wanted to be that way. He wanted to make her feel good, but he could wait. It only made him anticipate it more- there would be a next time. 

“Okay, sweets.” He chuckled. “Do whatever you’d like.”

[dumpywrites]

Fish in Disguise - Jin / Kim Seokjin

Prompt: Sworn enemies by day, restaurant mascot by night.

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Fluff, enemies to lovers(?), university au, they are both dumb lol

Pairing: Jin x she/her reader

a/n: Welcome home Jin!!! 💜 I was saving the only one Jin request I got to post it on his coming back date, but I didn’t finish it on time 😔

Your life was simple. You attend your classes by day and help your family’s restaurant by night. 

How you wished it was that easy though. You were on the verge of failing your classes, trying to balance your studies, social life, and work. All that while trying to make sure you get a good rest, which honestly, you had not been having in quite some time. 

The days were not exactly the smoothest ride. Being someone who was new to the town, you needed some time of getting used to. It was a big decision your parents made to move to a new city, but as their only daughter, you supported them fully. 

One thing that somehow helped you get through the day was this tuna mascot of a seafood restaurant next to yours. Yes, a mysterious man who refused to show you his face, in a full tuna fish costume, who you got to meet every weekend. 

The first meeting the tuna intern was actually kind of wholesome. You were helping your family setting up the store and he just appeared to be there, standing with a sign that had something about the freshness of their seafood written on it. The fact that he dropped the sign and helped you carry two boxes while still being in his full attire, still amused you until this day. 

And that was how your friendship bloomed. You would occasionally visit him and or just to say hi when he worked his shift. In return, he cheered you up with just simply being there. Sometimes meeting him and talking about random nothings just made you forget all your worries. 

**

“I heard you got paired with Seokjin for the group project.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” You said to your friend as you yawned. 

“Why? He’s hot.”

“And a narcissist.”

“And still hot.” Your friend argued and laughed. “Stop being so sulky, I bet everyone’s jealous of you right now.”

“Minji, he’s dumb. Have you seen his test results?! I don’t want to fail history class just because of him!” 

“You’ll be fine! Plus, since he’s really easy on the eyes, just make him do the whole presentation and that’ll get you good grades.” Minji laughed again. 

“Ugh.” You rolled your eyes, as you kept your focus on your phone instead, scrolling through Instagram. 

“Why do you hate him so much anyway?” Your friend asked as she mimicked you slumping on the cafe table. 

“I don’t… it’s just.” You sighed. “I don’t know, he’s cute but he really didn’t have to rub it in my face like that.”

“You’re still not over that?”

Once upon a time you were at your campus festival. Enjoying your freshmen days, simply admiring people doing all the festivities from afar while you sip on your lemonade. The crowd felt a little bit overwhelming, intimidating even, since it had been only a week since you enrolled. 

That day was also the first time you met your friend Minji, the girl who was also a freshmen like you. You both were lost trying to find the main hall and somehow bumped into each other. 

Both of you were just passing through the food stalls and club fair when you came across a juice bar. You noticed how there were two attractive men in the booth. Clearly whatever their team or club was trying to do, was working because you and your friend stopped to sneak a look. 

One guy was extremely well built and had tattoos all over his right hand. The inks and piercings definitely did not match his doe-looking eyes though. On the other hand, the second guy looked like a prince. He had the most luscious lips and his skin was so clear that he looked like he might modeled for a skin care brand. The light brown hair was permed and styled. You also thought his smile looked very pretty. 

“Hello! We’re selling fruit juice to support our music club!” The one with tattoos kindly waved at you and Minji. 

“Oh my, they’re cute…” Minji whispered to you and practically dragged you closer to the stall. 

“We have strawberry, orange, mango, and peach.” The taller one mentioned with a grin. 

“You guys are really cute, you sure they didn’t tell you to watch the booth just because of that?” Minji chuckled. 

“I’m aware, not sure why they picked Jungkook right here when he could barely talk to women, but yeah.” The guy said proudly. 

“That’s not nice.” You said bluntly. 

“Oh, that’s just how he jo—“ Jungkook spoke, but was soon interrupted. 

“Why, you don’t think I’m good looking?” The man eyed you, judging.

“I think you’re full of yourself.” 

You heard Minji called your name in a low voice, trying to calm you down, but you refused to listen. 

“So you’re not denying that I’m good looking.” The man smirked at you as he scoffed. 

That comeback gave you the biggest ick and you proceeded to link your friend’s arm in yours. “Let’s go, we’re not buying shit from them.”

You dragged your friend away as you listened to the man who turned out to be Seokjin himself, whined from a distance. 

Ever since that scene, you swore you wanted nothing to do with the music club. It sounded pretty unfair considering you only despised Jin and the rest of the members did not wrong you in any way, but you had already made up your mind. That was until he failed art history class and now had to retake the subject, hence how you ended up being misfortune enough to get grouped up with him.

**

“Look, do you wanna do this project or not?” You folded your arms and crossed your legs. 

In the library, you sat down eye to eye with your worst nightmare himself, the self proclaimed “World Wide Handsome”, Kim Seokjin. You both had agreed to meet up for the project but you didn’t realize it would be this irritating. Hell, as much as he was easy on the eyes as your friend claimed, all you wanted to do was to leave and stay far far away from him.

“I just don’t get why I have to do all the verbal work here.” He complained. 

“You barely did the slides and research, of course you have to.”

“That’s because you just decided it by yourself??? I never told you to do all the work!” The guy said, now crossing his hands back at you. 

“You see why? Because this.” You pointed back and forth between the two of you. “How can we get any work done when all we do is argue when we are together?!”

“Why do you hate me so much?” 

The seriousness in Jin’s eyes scared you. He was staring straight into your soul and you did not like how it made you feel. Not even one bit. 

“Because you’re conceited.” 

“And the problem?” 

“See?!” 

“We’ve never been in normal conversation before, you can’t just decide that.” 

Once again your eyes met his and you felt stuffy, nervous, but mostly anger. The thing was, you began to question yourself. Was the excessive anger really necessary or were you biased because of the bad start? Not like any of that mattered anyway.

“Screw you.”

You stormed out the library, making sure you stomped extra hard, childishly so he could see how pissed off you were. 

**

“Someone’s in a bad mood…”

“Oh, hi.” You waved at the moving Tuna mascot, trying to form a smile. “I’m just really tired today, that’s all.”

“Aww, come tell papa tuna about it.” 

He moved closer to you as you kept wiping the tables. It was already at closing hour and he should be off his shift right now. It was sweet how he sometimes would stay longer just to accompany you cleaning. 

“Eww, since when do I call you papa?” You cringed, but laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re like super old or something?”

“Oh, I’m older than you alright.” He chuckled. 

“How do you know?”

“I just know.” He patted his chest through the costume. “So? What’s wrong?”

“I kinda have this group project.” You said, hands still spraying cleaning products onto the table. “And I got paired with someone I don’t particularly like.”

“Oh…” He muttered. There was a hint of disappointment in his voice and you wondered why. 

“It’s fine, the project’s almost done anyways.” You smiled at him and moved to the next table. “You’re not going home?”

“I might stay for a couple of minutes.” He took the empty seat not too far from you. “I don’t have morning class tomorrow.”

“You’re also in uni?” 

“That’s for you to find out.” He snickered. “Anyways, tell me more. What’s bothering you?”

“Okay, you tell me. Am I wrong if I dislike someone because they’re like, I don’t know, so full of themselves?”

“Hmm.” The tuna guy put his hand under his chin comically, making him look funny and adorable. “Have you maybe try talking with them about it?”

“Why would I? He clearly doesn’t want anything to with me.” You sighed. 

“Has he ever said that to you?” 

“Well no, but that’s not really necessary when his action is already telling me that…”

He went quiet for a second, humming to himself before responding. “You’re right. Maybe he made a bad impression. But maybe, just maybe, if you give him a chance he could be a decent person?”

“I don’t know, he’s very popular and there’s really no reason to talk with him anyways.” You shrugged. 

“Right…” 

“But I kinda feel bad for walking away from him today.” You said with a sad expression. 

“How so…?”

“Dunno, maybe I shouldn’t just decided on my own and did all the paperwork myself…” 

“Maybe you should apologize?” The guy said in an unsure tone. 

“I don’t know how.” You sighed. “What if he just laugh at me or something?”

“He wouldn’t. Trust me.”

You didn’t know why, but his words sounded weirdly assuring. “I’ll think about it.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” The guy gave you two thumbs up. 

“It’s getting late, you should head back. Being a tuna for hours must be tiring.” You smiled at him. “Oh, wait.”

“What is it?”

You quickly ran back inside, leaving the man in the costume alone sitting on one of your restaurant tables. When you came back, you had one plastic container with a few pieces of fried chicken inside. 

“Here.” You extended your arm to him with a big grin. “You must be hungry after standing up all night.”

“You don’t have to!” He suddenly stood up. 

“I insist.” You grabbed his fluffy arm and put the container in his hands. “As a thanks, for being my friend.”

“Come here I need to hug you for this.” 

You laughed and gave him a big hug. “You’re so fluffy!” 

He patted your head playfully. “Don’t rub your face on me, they never wash this costume.”

“Eww.” You scrunched your nose and quickly let him go. “I’ll see you next week?” 

“Yeah.” 

** 

Today, you had decided to finally swallow your ego and actually try to have a normal and functional conversation with Jin. It was almost surreal to think that you practically swore to have nothing to do with the music club, but now here you were, standing right in front of their club room. 

It took you almost ten minutes of pacing back and forth before you finally knocked on their door. The response was not immediate, as their room was loud, filled with music instruments playing. Once the door opened, someone with a very warm smile greeted you. The colorful outfit and his tinted glasses made him look so hip, you thought. He held the door slightly ajar, just enough to fit his body to peek at you. 

“Hello, what can I do for you?” 

“Hi, uh… I’m Y/N and I’m looking for Seokjin? Is he here?”

The guy widened his eyes and looked back inside the loud room. “Yeah, he’s here.”

“Cool. Can I maybe borrow him for a few minutes? He’s my history project partner…” You said and smiled awkwardly. 

“Do you wanna come inside?”

“H-huh?” You pointed at yourself. “Me?”

“Who else.” The guy chuckled. “We’re almost done but you might need to wait for him to wrap up.” 

You replied with a skeptical “okay” and quietly followed the man from behind. The sound of drums and laughter filled the room and the bright decorations matched the vibe and atmosphere the place was giving. There were a few people inside and one was the boy with tattoos that you recognized from before. 

“Usually we have more people around, but there wasn’t any official activity today so it’s just us.” The guy who opened the door for you explained. “I’m Hoseok by the way, you can call me Hobi. Want me to introduce you to them?”

“Why is Y/N here?” One blond guy suddenly spoke as soon as he saw you. 

“You know me?”

The guy playfully shrugged and grinned. “Jin sometimes talks about you.”

“Really?” You asked, genuinely shocked by the news. 

“Uh… Jin? Jin?? Someone’s here for you.” Hoseok intervened. 

“What? Who—” You heard the man shouted back, but he was unable to finish his sentence as soon as your eyes met. 

“Hey, uh… can we talk for a sec? I won’t be long.” You said. 

“Like right now?” He looked at you questioningly. 

“Yeah.”

“Okay, give me one sec.” 

“So, you’re Y/N huh?” The same blond guy came up to you from behind. “I’m Taehyung, but they call me V.” 

“Stop trying to make your stage name happen, Tae.” Hoseok said. “The one with the bucket hat there, is Yoongi. The tall one is Namjoon, and Mr. Tattoos and piercings right there is Jungkook.” 

“Usually our main group has one more person but Jimin’s sick at home.” Taehyung mentioned. 

You nodded politely. In your head, you were still processing the information that Jin was apparently talking about you to his club friends. You wondered what made him do so. You wondered if he bad-mouthed you, if he told all the ugly things about you, telling his friends how much you annoy him. 

But why do his friends just seem so… friendly? None of them acted hostile towards you. The first two that spoke to you were really nice and bubbly, and even Jungkook who was with Jin the first time you met him, smiled when he saw you. Surely they would had acted differently if Jin hated you that much. 

“Alright, let’s go?” Jin approached you. 

“Uh, yeah.” The newfound information got you feeling nervous. 

“It was nice meeting you!” Hoseok waved at you cheerfully and the rest smiled and nodded at you as you waved back awkwardly. 

“They didn’t say weird things to you right?” Jin said as soon as both of you closed the door behind. You were now walking aimlessly across the campus hallway. 

“No, I guess…” 

“Awesome.” He clasped his hands together. “What do you want to talk about?” 

“Oh yeah that…”

Right, what was you wanted to talk about again? How could you talk when his soft fluffy hair was just there, distracting you. And now that you were standing up facing each other this close, you had never realize how well built and tall he was. Screw the universe for making him so attractive. 

“Yeah?” 

“I want to apologize… for last time.” You looked away, rocking your body back and forth again out of nervousness. “I’m wrong for deciding to work on the project myself. I should’ve at least try to work things out to find the middle ground with you.”

“Pfft…”

You looked at him in disbelief. How could he laugh when you were trying your best to apologize to him properly??? 

“Excuse me?!”

“Sorry, your expression… it’s so cute.”

“Cute?!” You were offended by this point. “Forget what I said. You’re beyond saving.” 

“Wait! No, that’s not what I meant…” He tried to stop you but it was too late. 

You did not want to hear more from him. Was it really that hard to just take you seriously? You felt ashamed to even think that you could at least have a normal conversation with him. You were right all along.

And so you chose to ignore him. A few days passed and it was only two days left until your final presentation. Quite frankly, you could not care less. You had given him all the material and all you needed for him to do was to just blatantly accept his role. 

“Mr. Tuna?” 

You were now back with your night cleaning duties again, accompanied by your fish friend. You had told him everything about what happened between you and Jin, needing reassurance and validations for being angry at him. 

“He really did you know… He laughed at me.” You bit your lips, maintaining your emotions. “Do you think I’m in the wrong? I’m not, right? Like what did I do? Am I ugly? Does he not want to talk to ugly people is that it???”

“You’re not ugly.” 

“Well I don’t think so either… but what if I am in his eyes??? Maybe he just doesn’t want to associate himself with—“

“I don’t think you’re ugly!!!” The guy suddenly spoke up, a little louder than he intended. 

You were taken aback for a second, and smiled. “Thanks, but I was talking about that person.” 

“I cannot defend him anymore, I think it’s valid for you to hate him.”

“Why do you sound so sad?”

“Would you hate me if I turned out to be someone you know?” He asked without answering your question. 

“Huh? Why suddenly?”

“Just answer it.” 

“I don’t know, but I guess I enjoyed talking with you and I consider you as my friend if not best friend at this point already. I don’t think it would change anything.” You assured.

“Promise?”

“Why?” You looked at him suspiciously. “You’re scaring me, am I going to get a face reveal soon?”

“Who knows.” 

**

The presentation day finally has arrived upon you. Everyone was seated with their corresponding partners and you were still sitting alone, as Seokjin was nowhere to be seen. The class session had already begun and you were minutes away from your turn. It was unbelievable the amount of disrespect that this man chose to show to you, by not showing up at all. 

Your team was next in line. At this point you had given up all hope. Maybe it was for the best that you present it yourself since you did all the research anyway. 

In the midst of the presentation in front of you, you saw how everyone’s eyes shifted to the back of the class in a flash. They stopped for a brief seconds, fake coughing to regain their composure, before continuing. They occasionally stole glances up and down, eyes looking dubiously. 

Your curiosity was not left hanging for too long because just seconds later, someone in a big tuna fish costume just took the seat next to you. As a matter of fact, you were very familiar with the costume itself, but the reason behind him being in your class was truly bizarre to you. 

Everyone was looking at your direction at this point and you were scared to ask any question. In your head you were starting to connect some dots, but too afraid to actually confront them. Some parts of you refused to believe it.

It was too implausible for them to be the same person. One was selfish and conceited, while the other was funny and caring. There was simply just no other explanation for the situation. You began to question your own sanity. Perhaps the lack of sleep had started to catch up on you.

“I’ve read all the emails you sent me. Don’t worry, we’ll ace this.” The guy suddenly spoke. 

Hearing his voice from inside the mascot suit just sealed the deal. You had been friends with the guy you despised so badly this whole time without knowing. Not only that, you basically told him stories about himself and mentioned how bad of a person you thought he was. 

He stood along with you when both of your name was called, fully confirming that the name belonged to him. Everyone started whispering and some started laughing immediately upon seeing the hilarious looking costume. 

“Hello everyone, we’re from team seven and we’re now about to present to you about the history of mixed media.” He waved playfully while you were standing stiff right next to him. “As you can see, I’m in this costume that I had to convince the restaurant that I work at to let me borrow.” 

Everyone laughed again in unison. 

“You may wonder why, and the answer is because my partner right here,” He pointed to you. “She did all the research herself because I was being a dumb jerk.” He moved his body, looking at the direction of the professor. “I know that’s not great for my name but I promise I’ve learned all the materials she had sent me well. So the least I could do to her was to give you all an entertaining presentation…”

The presentation then went on fully with him still with the suit on until the very end. All you did was simply pressing the next button as he deciphered the slides, entertaining and engaging the audiences, even the professor himself. He truly was a charming guy and no mask could hide that. You should have had realized that sooner. 

It just did not make any sense to you. How could he hated you while at the same time acted like your best friend in another form?

“I’ll go change and we’ll talk?” 

You just looked at him, no words at hand. Everything still felt so unreal. You watched as he strugglingly entered the washroom. He went out minutes later with sweat clinging to his t-shirt, hair damp from the heat of wearing the costume. With the set hugged in his hands, he mentioned something about sitting down somewhere, and you just followed from behind. 

“Do I smell?” 

You shook your head quietly. 

“Oh cool.” He chuckled awkwardly. “Is my—“ He huffed before even finishing the sentence. “I’m sorry, I’m stalling.” 

For some reason his smile seemed differently now that you were seeing him in a new light. 

“Here I am, I guess…” He laughed nervously. “I understand if you don’t wanna be friends again after this. I just wanna say that I’m truly sorry for what I did.”

Why was he speaking like that? Why was he speaking in the way your friend spoke? All with that damn annoyingly attractive face?

“The first time we met, I was being sarcastic.” He stated. “If you actually let Jungkook finish, he was about to tell you. I love that boy a lot, he’s a really nice guy, you know.” 

“You were?”

His smile brightened when you finally opened your mouth and said something. It was the first time he heard your voice today and it felt like a huge weight just lifted off his shoulders. 

“And uh, about when you apologized… I honestly didn't mean to laugh. I know that's what you feared but honestly I just got nervous.”

You raised one of your eyebrows at him. “You? Nervous? I’ve seen neither Mr. Tuna or the Seokjin I know being nervous.” 

“You were really cute that day.” He smiled giddily, a rosy tint covering his cheeks. 

That was new.

“Oh my god, I need some getting used to seeing you say that with your real face.” You looked away, the corners of your lips curled up helplessly. “So, when I met you as Mr. Tuna you’ve already known me?”

“Yeah.” He sighed with a smile. “I’m sorry, I was a coward. I should’ve told you sooner but you keep avoiding me at campus and you don’t exactly like the real me either so…”

“But this is the real you, right? The one that helps me out and listens to me rambling every weekend?” 

He nodded, making you smile. “Can we be friends?”

“We already are, dummy.”

He exhaled loudly, grinning like an idiot. “Truce?” He offered his fist.

“Truce.” You shook your head and gave him a fist bump.

“Alright, we usually finish with a hug…” He looked at you with side-eyes. “It might feel slightly different without the costume and all—“

You cut his sentence short by jumping him with a big hug, surprising the guy.

And you know what, the hug did not actually feel that much different. It was still fluffy, fuzzy, and soft like how the used costume material would rub against your skin when you hugged him. Because when he hugged you back, you were sure you felt all of that even when he was without the mascot fish attire.

You felt that inside your heart.

Prompt request: HERE

[heliads]

LISA !! your requests being open again is a glorious occasion, i’m so happy !! 

now, could i pretty please request spot conlon with a gender-neutral reader who’s a brooklyn newsie ? the reader’s newsie nickname is sunshine because they’re known for being super cheerful and sweet and pretty much always having a smile on their face, but thing is that spot’s kind of closed-off and gruff with them, even more than he is normally, because he finds it kind of grating how relentlessly happy they are when as newsies they live the way they do. but the reader just keeps on being the way they are, being kind to spot and smiling whenever they see him no matter how he always responds with a scowl, until finally he snaps at them and tells them to quit being so weird and happy all the time, but then they actually do and it makes him realize that he’s relied on seeing their smile every day and that he actually likes seeing it, so he goes to find sunshine and apologize, telling them that he actually admires how strong they are to keep being kind and happy despite everything and how much he appreciates it. it doesn’t have to end with a confession or anything, but hopefully at least some romantic undertones ? now, as always, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but thanks in advance if you do, and i hope you’re doing well !! <3

'cloudy days' - spot conlon

masterlist

For once, it’s not a gray and blustery day in New York. Spot Conlon doesn’t know what the hell he was thinking, settling in a place like this, although he supposes he never really had a choice about it at all. It’s a cold and shady city, and that mood translates to its people. No one here would give him the time of day unless they absolutely had to, and he wouldn’t give them a damn thing either. That’s the tune of the city, and Spot drums it daily. Eat or be eaten. Kill or get killed.

That’s the way it’s always been, the way it always will be. Spot doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy. He’s grown past the point of needing it. Spot will do what Spot does best:  look out for himself, never take handouts, never be dependent on anything save his feet to carry him places and that weird thing beating between his ribs to keep him alive.

The other newsies respect that, and look up to it. Brooklyn may have a reputation for being the meanest borough around, but the newsies protect each other like no one else. Even when the sun don’t shine for months on end. Even on rare days, like today, when it does.

The bright streets have Spot thinking a little funny, just like always. When the sun is out and the skies are blue, he starts feeling a strange thing some might describe as happiness. For once, everything isn’t totally terrible. It’s like the high he gets after soaking his enemies, ‘cept his knuckles aren’t bloody and his eyes aren’t blackened.

Maybe it’s got him in a good mood. Maybe that’s why, when a new fella comes looking for a spot in Spot’s growing army of newsies, he’s inclined to say yes. This new ally of his is nothing like Spot has ever seen before. They’re smiling at him before they so much as tip their hat or say hello. At first, it makes him wonder if they’ve got some sort of problem, then he realizes that the newcomer isn’t grinning like that to be threatening, just because they’re legitimately, well, happy.

Strange. Confusing, even. Still, the abundance of sunshine is rattling Spot’s brain, so instead of laughing in their face, he actually offers them a place amongst the ranks. Were it any other day, he’s sure he would have made them go somewhere a little more sickly-sweet, where friendship is magic and everyone can stand around, fuckin’, square dancing or something, whatever it is they do over in ‘Hattan or the other less serious boroughs, but he doesn’t. He welcomes them into his home. He pretends he isn’t completely baffled by their happy-go-lucky act. 

And, since it’s clearly on the brain anyway, he gives them a nickname then and there, a real Spot Conlon first edition:  Sunshine. He reckoned it seemed pretty true at the moment. As it turns out, he had no idea. Sunshine gets on his damn nerves every moment of every day. They’re so sweet it makes him want to throw up. If he ever saw them without a smile on their face for longer than thirty seconds, he’d suspect an imposter. They toss out compliments like they mean it or something, and they actually pick flowers to give to their friends.

Spot would think it was an act, except it actually isn’t. No way a human being could keep up a pretense that long and not go totally crazy. Spot, for one, does feel like he’s going crazy, but that’s neither here nor there.

Every day is the same. He wakes up too early, drags himself out of bed and gets ready, then pokes his head out of his space just to find Sunshine already up and at it, beaming at him and wishing him a very good morning, Spot, before turning to the next half-asleep newsie and repeating them message, and man, he wants to throttle someone already. In the line for papes, they’re excitedly talking to him about how they hope for a good headline, and whenever Spot runs into them while selling, they’ve always got something funny to say. If Spot wanted to laugh, he’d go to the circus. Although even he has to admit that New York feels like that half the damn time anyway.

It’s actually starting to make him angry. Who is this newcomer to burst in and disrupt everyone like this? Spot’s no fool. Even though he’s proud of his newsies and glad to be among the best company there is, this isn’t the life any of them would choose if they had other options. The newsies are here because they have no money and no prospects. They are the terrible youth, set out on the streets because there is no one else to watch out for them but each other.

Yet here’s this stranger, bounding down the halls of their lodging house, beaming and laughing as if everything were sugar and sweet. It feels as if they’re making a mockery of the whole thing, and Spot doesn’t like being taken for a fool.

It twists his judgment. Spot isn’t exactly known for his warm and caring personality, but he cracks down even harder around Sunshine. Maybe then they’ll figure out that the whole super happy thing doesn’t fly around here. Dreams don’t get you anywhere, and pretending otherwise only costs a lot of effort that could instead be directed towards selling some papes.

He should be better, Spot knows that. Already, his closest friends have started to scold him (very carefully) about how he’s treating sunshine. “Y/N’s no problem,” they’ve said. “It’s just you, Spot.” But he doesn’t listen.

One day, he gets to the breaking point. After another restless night, Spot drags himself out of bed despite not getting nearly enough sleep. He’s hardly stepped out of his room before Sunshine’s smiling cheerily at him, asking, “How was your sleep, Spot?”

As if they can’t tell by the look on his face. Unable to hold himself back any longer, Spot positively growls at them, “Terrible, obviously. God, can you just quit it with that stupid attitude? It’s makin’ me crazy.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, just pushes right past them and heads downstairs. He’s a grouch all morning, purposely making sure no one is near him while he’s selling and not talking to a soul all throughout the day. He manages to pull himself together enough to sell the papes he needs, but other than that, Spot is barely functioning at all.

Even the Brooklyn newsie home base seems quiet and uneasy when he gets back. Spot sits by himself in his office, temper growing worse with every passing hour. He can’t put his finger on the issue until nightfall, when he hears a chorus of cheerful voices out in the hall and realizes that Sunshine hasn’t spoken to him all day. Not since he snapped at them.

Cursing faintly, Spot drags a tired hand across his face. He’s fucked up, hasn’t he? Thinking back on it now, he remembers the startled look in Sunshine’s eyes when he told them to stop being so fake all the time. It’s fine, he tells himself. Everyone gets their feelings stepped on in Brooklyn. Things will be back to normal this time tomorrow.

Only, it isn’t. When Spot wakes up, Sunshine isn’t there to wish him a good morning. They avoid him in the line to pick up papes, and they steer clear of him throughout the entire day. Even when he makes a point of emerging from his office to sit with the rest of the newsies, Sunshine talks to every damn person there but him. It’s enough to make anyone feel a little guilty. Even Spot Conlon.

As the days go by without a single word from Sunshine, Spot feels worse and worse. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to see their smiles and hear their laughter until he didn’t get a drop of it. It’s like he’s trapped in permanent storm clouds. Only gray clouds and cold nights for him.

God, he’s getting poetic. This is horrific. Spot knows what he has to do, and even though he dreads the idea of having to admit he was wrong, he gathers his strength and goes to find Sunshine. At first, they try to duck out of the way when they see him coming, but Spot tracks them down, pulling them into an empty room so they can talk.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Spot says by way of introduction.

Sunshine doesn’t meet his eyes. “Thought that’s what you wanted.”

A sharp prick of guilt stabs through his chest. “I thought that, too. Turns out I was wrong.”

Sunshine’s head snaps up, and their eyes meet his. “Really?”

“Really,” Spot confirms. “I– I like being around you, Y/N. I like hearing you talk. I’m sorry for making you feel bad about being you.”

A slow, careful smile spreads across Sunshine’s face. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Spot says indignantly. “What, you’d think I’d go around saying things that ain’t true? What a waste of time.”

When Sunshine starts laughing, Spot feels his cheeks start to rush with warmth. “It’s not– you know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I do,” they grin. “I’m just glad to hear you want me back.”

“I do want you,” Spot breathes. “Back, I mean. I want you back. Yes.”

When Sunshine smiles knowingly at him again, Spot gets the odd feeling that he’s revealed more of himself than he really ought to, like he’s been caught showing his cards halfway through a bet. He gets the feeling he can trust Sunshine to not call him out, though. For some reason, he believes in them more than anyone. Maybe even more than himself.

The threadbare curtains on a nearby window shift slightly, allowing a thin, tenuous ray of sunlight to slip through the cracks. It slices neatly through the room, illuminating Y/N’s face in thin tendrils of gold. The sun’s back again. They’re back again, and Spot might be okay after all.

requested by @faerieroyal, i hope you enjoy!

newsies tag list: @lovesanimals0000, @misguidedswagger, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[thatvintagefanboy]

The Angel vs Radio Demon

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pair: Alastor x Alice Angel Reader

Quick A/N: So this was very last minute and it may not make a lot of sense because I haven’t slept in 2 days and I have been focusing on my personal life with my boyfriend and I making some major changes in our lives (trust me they are pretty big). Also this is my post for this month as I won’t do smut. Anyway here you go loves!

Tw: Cursing, fighting, self doubt, losing, Al is warning himself, past life, death, and describing someone dying.

Reader’s POV

Being in hell wasn’t all that bad. It had its perks here and there. However what wasn’t making me happy was being compared to the radio demon because we had the same statistic voice. Not that it bothered him, I was just a normal run of the mill demon who used to have her own show in the 1936. I was always more popular than that little devil! I wan Angel compared to him! Especially compared to the famous Radio Demon Alastor. His name makes my blood boil not to mention every time I hear him on the radio.

I hate that he still does Radio there needs to be a new voice. Maybe I could do a new show, be the star I was! That made me turn my horns upward! Of course, I can make this overlord stop radio if it has live music and all the bell and whistles! I smiled and started to walk to the hotel on the hill. I knocked and saw the princess of hell. Oh right she owns this place.

“Oh hello! Welcome to The Hazbin Hotel!” She spoke happily. Wow that’s going to tire her out quickly. “I’m not here for whatever you want I am here for the Radio Demon! I want to challenge him on the radio for all to hear!” I said proudly as the princess of hell frowned.

“A fight you say?” I heard and there he was out of the shadows with a large grin. Shit his voice does sound similar to mine, what a jerk stealing my voice! “Yes over the radio!” I said with a smirk as he smiled wider. “A fight you say well that sounds like splendid idea!” He said as he held his cane in his off hand.

“Let’s make a deal.” He said. I know people make deals with him, but I bet I’ll win this fight. After all I’ll have a new show, my own show again! “If I win I get domaine over radio and my own show!” I told him as he seemed to rest his smile a bit, however never stopped. “If I win I get your soul and keep my control over radio.” He spoke his static voice hiding something different. “Deal!” I said happily.

“Let’s begin shall we?” He said as I smiled widely and nodded. “Eager as a devil are we?” I asked as he lead me to his radio tower. “Oh more than an eager my dear!” He spoke as his hands were behind his back as he walked. “I get my own show back!” I spoke happily. “You’re own show back?” He asked and I smiled. “I was big deal when I was alive, but that’s Devil inky prick took my show away!” I growled and looked down with anger.

“So you were like me except I kept my show even in death.” He spoke not facing me. He was hiding something behind that voice. “They called you an angel I assume?” He asked, something sinister in the way he spoke. “How do you know what they called me?” I asked. “Well I reported on your death of course. They never found your killer.” He said as we walked in his radio tower. He faces me and with a bigger smile than I have ever saw and he said the thing he was wanting to say.

“After all I was careful in killing you.” He spoke and that set me off my horns growing bigger. “How dare you kill me!” I growled as he laughed manically, “It was so fun! The way you told me your problems the minute I told you I could help you and you blindly trusted a man you just met!” He laughed.

“Let’s do this!” I growled as we went back and forth on the radio. It seemed I was winning, but we would find out. “Now we see who wins, me the angel or mister radio demon over here.” I said making me sound angelic and him a boring old voice. We went off the air and I smirk as he smiled at me, that seemed to be his resting face. “This is it isn’t it Cher?” He asked as I growled my horns had shrunk as I looked at my reflection in his monocle. I looked happy for once. I looked like how I did in my show. I avoided my own reflection all this time. I was black and white just like that stupid boss of mine said when I was alive.

“I forfeit.” I spoke and looked out on the town. “I had an actual show not a radio show.” I spoke as he tilted his head smile ever so present on his smile. “I get your soul if you forfeit.” He spoke. “Yes I don’t mind anymore, I got to talk to the people I loved so much when I was alive. That’s all I wanted.” I spoke softly. I. Saw green chains appear on me and he pulled me close to him.

“You were a natural on the air, such a shame, maybe I shouldn’t have killed you.” He spoke with a wider smile. “However you confuse me.” He spoke and I was starting to confused. “You still drive me absolutely insane in the worst way even in hell!” He said his static voice almost corrupted.

My own static voice gasped, no that can’t mean he felt I felt there too. “There was something about the way you hosted. The way you stole my attention away from broadcasting.” He spoke as I smiled softly. We were impossibly close now. The radio demon has never been so close to anyone ever known, they would be dead by now. “You drive me to terrible things Cher.” He spoke as I laughed softly the static of our voices mixing. “You know I always admired you on those weird video boxes.” He spoke a red tint appeared to his gray skin. “Well show me then.”

Then he kissed me, sure he baited it out of me, but how many people can say they kissed Alastor THE Radio Demon. Maybe we could do radio together. Maybe we could’ve. I never thought of that, how stupid.

A/n: Again sorry if this sucked I’ve been busy and have had little too no inspiration and bad writers block anyway from what I saw only one person wants to be tagged so I will tag them here @supernerdycookietrashblrr

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Shamura meeting a spider s.o who isn't really apart of the cult and lives the life of a traveler but visits from time to time and members consider her to be a 'big sister' and people love to come to her for advice...

like she'll be pulling pieces of debris, leaves, twigs, pieces of mushroom, etc. from the lambs wool (which she had lectured him about a few minutes prior like "Lamb, you got this in your wool AGAIN?? I will not allow you to continue to talk to people when you basically have a FOREST in your wool, sit down and let me help you.") and Shamura is there and I feel like they have real deep conversations, maybe s.o telling him their story after a while, how they think that they might be from the Silk Cradle but aren't sure because they were taken when they were young and raised in the mountains ... just a little thing i thought abt haha

"I-I can assure you, [y/n]..I don't need-"

"Oh no, you absolutely do need this." You tutted as you made Lamb sit down on a tree stump, picking bits of mushrooms and leaves out of their wool.

They winced as you harshly tugged on a twig that was especially embedded in it, casting it aside once it was plucked free. "I need to do my morning sermon," they grumbled. "Can this wait until-?"

"There's still a few more hours till noon. I will not have you walk up to that podium with your wool being a literal Anurian forest! How do you keep letting it get this bad anyways?"

"I-"

"Actually..don't answer that."

"But...!!! Ugh, fine." With a pout, the Lamb sat with their cheeks puffed out, remembering that they couldn't order you around...as you weren't one of their followers. So you didn't have to abide by any of their rules.

You were a nomadic spider who traveled all across the Old Faith. Your heart desired adventure, but every once in a while it would lead you back to these temple grounds, and you'd witness Lamb's cult growing steadily with each visit.

When they weren't around, their followers would flock to you, having grown accustomed to your frequent appearances. You carried a lot of knowledge during your travels, so you'd share stories of your recent journeys and offer advice to those who asked for it.

Whether it's about something personal or just how to navigate through a domain safely, you had plenty of answers for most of them. Some followers even looked up to you as a sister, which made you happy.

The most important part of your visit, however, was ensuring Lamb looked their best before they went to preach in the temple. You always caught them after they return from crusades, finding them covered in earthly debris without a care in the world.

If this new "god" of the lands wanted to be taken more seriously...they had to look presentable to their followers.

But even so, they were quite the fussy one; stubborn like a child: Bleating constantly, kicking their hooves, and sometimes even demonically hissing if you suggest they removed their crown for a moment.

They only acted that way because Narinder saw you preening their wool once and mocked his former vessel until your glare shooed him away.

Fortunately, Lamb chose not to argue with you any further, making your job easier to finish.

It took a few more minutes, but their wool finally looked a lot better, so you sent them on their way to preach the Red Crown's gospel after bidding them farewell.

Whatever debris you plucked out of them went into a bag of silk you've crafted for yourself. Surely you can do something with the twigs, leaves, mushroom stems, and pumpkin seeds they carried back to the cult grounds--you couldn't let any of that go to waste.

"Greetings, traveler. Back so soon?"

The familiar voice made you perk up, looking to see Shamura standing there with a book in their hands. It seemed to be one from Silk Cradle, detailing trap layouts and designs.

You smiled. "Hello, Lord Shamura. And yes. I like to come and go as I please."

".....forgive me, but your name slips past me.."

"It's [y/n]."

"..ah yes, yes...Sister [Y/n]. Welcome back." They bowed their head politely. "I do have a question, if you have the time."

"Of course." You nodded, before frowning as you noticed the somewhat troubled look on their face. "What ails you?"

"...hm?" They blinked. "Do I look sick?"

"Oh, no. I mean..your expression. I've seen it on other followers, and it's usually because something's weighing heavily on their mind-"

"Why call me "lord" if you have not served under me?" Shamura abruptly interrupted, confused as their gaze went to the open book in their hands. "I have seen many spiders in Silk Cradle...but none quite like yourself. If only I could remember..were you a servant? A warrior? A merchant...?"

The more they struggled to recall, the more ichor began leaking through their bandages. And you could see it was physically paining them, too.

It made you wonder how they ever survived losing the Purple Crown, but then again it probably took a miracle from the Lamb to give them a fighting chance--a second chance.

Even so, you felt bad for Shamura. Their memory gaps kept widening despite their desperation to remember things and continue reading.

"Oh dear..allow me to hold that for you." You gently took the book away from them before the liquid could splatter all over the cover, closing it up. "I didn't grow up in Silk Cradle, but I'm sure I was born there. I only remember being taken up to the mountains..perhaps my family became deserters who disliked the violence."

"Hm...under my ruling, deserters would have been swiftly found and jailed."

"I see-"

"No, no..that's not it...they...would have been swiftly found, tried in my court, and publicly executed." They corrected themselves, huffing. "My apologies."

"...oh. Then I guess I'm glad we weren't ever found out." You awkwardly chuckled, having much preferred what they said before. "It seems your memory has been improving since the last time we met."

"Yes, indeed...indeed it is.." Shamura nodded, before you both heard the tolls of the temple bell, signaling that it was time for the sermon. "The Lamb calls..they are speaking now." They looked to you. "Shall we go together, [y/n]?"

"Sure." With a smile, you linked arms with them. "But as a fair warning, I tend to hang around the back and just listen."

"As do I, my friend...as do I." A tiny smile formed between their fangs. "I hope Lamb's wool isn't covered in earthly vermin anymore."

"It's clean as a whistle." You reassured, smiling back at them, before you two headed towards the temple.

Perhaps you'll stay here in the cult for the rest of the day. Just to spend a little more time with Shamura.

You enjoyed the company of a fellow arachnid.

[sawtastic-sideblog]

Damien Haas x female!reader

Before we starting would like to say that the only thing I've written in months is research papers for school but I have finally written for Damien for the first time in years.

So just a couple things to keep in mind (triggers) there's talk of a horrible aunt and bad childhood and there are brief mentions of parental death and self harm I think that's it but if anything else let me know and I'll add it here.

That being said it's probably bad. To try to excuse it I was woken up early this morning and I've had a migraine since Thursday but I also feel like I'm not a great writer.

Anyway

Enjoy this Damien fluff

"Hello and welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shayne."

"I'm Amanda. Welcome Damien to our table of discussions."

"Hi, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Big fan, big fan," Damien says, pretending to be nervous. They continue on with the conversation as you set your phone down to go do your normal Saturday chores.

You haven't had the time to listen to the newest Smosh Mouth this week. You've been incredibly busy with online school and being sick. Yes, you realize that you are older than most of your classmates, but you're proud of yourself for going back to pursue a degree in your interest. You have no plans to leave Smosh, but you really wanted this degree just to prove to your childhood self that you could.

Education was always super important to you and you never had the opportunity to go to college right out of high school. You taught yourself how to edit and put in many, many applications everywhere. Finally, after five years of trying to break into the industry, you got an email back from Smosh. You cried and screamed and jumped for joy when you landed the interview and when you got the editor position you sobbed. Partially out of happiness and excitement, but mostly out of relief.

When you were told the amount of money you'd be paid, you were shocked. You knew that you'd save it and use it for school. So, after working at Smosh for a year, you applied for online classes and haven't looked back sense. Only a few people know about you being in school, Ian, Anthony, anyone that you'd need to report to for you job, your best friends at work, Angela, Amanda, and Chanse, your brother, Jack, and his wife, Bella.

You have always been close to your brother despite a seven year age gap. He was on the football team in high school and college. Both teams absolutely adored you and you became the unofficial mascot. Where he went, you went and vice versa. You knew it was just to get you out of the house and away from your crazy aunt.

Your parents passed in a car accident when you were three and your mother's resentful sister was the closest relative who was able to take care of you. She was incredibly strict when it came to you. Jack could do whatever he pleased. You had to cook, clean, learn to sew, and basically just learn how to be a woman, according to Aunt Virginia. She tried to keep you from going to school and Jack would make sure you went. He would make sure you were able to do your homework and do whatever you wanted to do. It was a rough time, especially after Virginia kicked Jack out when he and his college sweetheart, Bella found out they were expecting without being married. You stayed there on your own for nine years becaue Virginia wouldn't let you leave. Discouraged it and made it impossible for you to move out in your home town.

When you got the job at Smosh, you had two months to find a place, move, and get settled. You had told Jack and he immediately told you that he was coming with you.

"What about Bella and Sadie?"

"They'll come with us, silly. Once we get out there, Bells can find work as a nurse, we can enroll Sadie in a good school, and I'll even look for something other than news station camera man."

"Are you sure? Sadie is only twelve she's going to resent you for making her leave her friends."

"Yeah, we've actually been planning to do this anyway. She's super excited about it. That dinner we have planned on Friday was when we were gonna tell you and tell you that you're coming with us. I guess we have to move our plans up."

That's what you did. Bella and Sadie went out there first and got the apartment settled as Jack trained his replacement and you slowly moved what little you had from Virginia's house, to Jack's. Then, in the middle of the night, you vanished. You didn't leave a note because why would you want the hateful old bitch to know where you went?

On your first day of work, Jack took you. You thought he was just going to drop you off but followed you inside.

"What are you doing?"

"I have an interview."

He got the job and now you two were known as one of the many dynamic duos. You're quiet and only really talk to Jack, Amanda, Chanse, or Angela. You do talk to Kiana, Tommy, and Spencer, but not as much as the others. You stayed behind the camera, but somehow became well known in the Fandom for your unique editing that captured the audience and enhanced the joke.

Your first "on camera" appearance was during the Shayne Guesses whre he guessed childhood photos. You submitted one of you in Jack's football helmet, hair covered, eyes almost fully obscured.

"Okay, this isn't fair. I can't see the hair or the eyes very well," Shayne complained.

"Yeah, but I thought this one was cuter. Once you see the answer you'll understand," Spencer explained.

After six months of working at Smosh, you could move into your own apartment. You stayed close to Jack, but you finally got your own space. That you always do a general clean of on Saturdays while listening to a podcast or the newest Reddit Stories before catching up of any homework you need to get done. Which is what you're doing now.

"Your can think your friends are beautiful. Like they have beautiful moments," Amanda says as you place the last of your dishes into the cabinet.

"Yeah, of course," Shayne agrees.

"Yeah, totally. I actually have an observation of a beautiful friend of ours," Damien annouces. Amanda gasps.

"Tell us, tell us, tell us," Amanda all but chants as you start a reset on your living room. Shayne and Damien both chuckle.

"Okay, so we have a couple of friends who work on the crew," he begins. He goes on to reveal the story is mainly about you. "We were at Jack's wedding about a week ago and I just saw her dancing with her niece, and smiling, and having fun. I know that she works hard. She comes in before us and stays until the slack message kicks her out. Then she goes home to do school work." Your head whips around to your phone and you make your way over to it.

"How do you know about that?" Amanda asks.

"Angela mentioned it. Is it something that I shouldn't know?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. I thought everyone knew, but we just didn't talk about it."

"What is she in school for?" Shayne asks. Amanda answers with you special interest and Damien takes the reigns of the conversation again.

"Anyway, I just know she has to be stressed out. I mean, I'm assuming and if I'm wrong I will apologize, but it just sounds like a super stressful situation to be in. Seeing her just let loose and have fun at the reception, after really only seeing her stone faced or with a small smile while talking to Jack. She was laughing, like throwing her head back laughing, and jumping and dancing with Jack and his wife and daughter. I saw her dancing with you, Angela, and Chanse at one point." Amanda nods at this.

"Yeah. I remember dancing to Take a Chance by Abba and we all just took turns pulling Chanse around," she beams as her tablemates laugh. They go off on a quick tangent about their time on the dancing floor and how, somehow, Bella, a Smosh fan since 2007, got Ian and Anthony to do a double decker twerk in their very nice suits.

"Yeah, but seeing her loving life and looking like she didn't have a care in the world other than celebrating her brother and sister in law and niece and the love they have for one another. I mean she was the best lady and we found out during speeches, which is the most I've heard her speak by the way, that they didn't have a greatest of childhoods, which just made the looks of pure happiness of her face so amazing. She was truly beautiful and I'll carry that memory with me for as long as she allows me to know her."

"I know what you mean. I didn't know she had teeth until the wedding. Like, she never smiles," Shayne jokes.

"I know she's not here today, but I hope she watches this when it comes out. Hopefully it'll make her feel better and it'll help her get over whatever it is she has quicker," Amanda says.

"Yeah, if you're watching this while you're still sick, feel better!" Damien says. You smile and wipe at your eyes as they change the subject to something else. You'd never really spoken Damien and you only speak to Shayne when Courtney pulls you into a conversation and he walks up to speak. But knowing that these guys consider you not only a friend but beautiful, as well, makes your heart swell a little.

A timer goes off on your phone just as the episode ends and you quickly pull up the newest Reddit Stories video, after turning off the timer. You go back to the kitchen and take the last dose of your medicine. You had somehow caught bronchitis and have been out of work for a week, but you finally felt better and wanted to get back into your normal routine.

You hear a text notification as you enter your living room and walk over to your phone again. It's a text from Ian.

Hey, I hope you're feeling better. Alé had notes from the all hands meeting sent to your email. We're going to have another one on Monday if you can make it.

Hey Ian, I feel great, thanks. Doctor cleared me yesterday. I'll be there!

He just sends back a thumbs up emoji. You chuckle and get back to your cleaning.

Monday morning rolls around and you are in the office by seven thirty, trying to get a head start on footage that had been give to you. By eleven you'd made good progress and Tommy had to physically pull you from your desk.

You sit at a table in the back with you laptop open to your school stuff. Your habit for every all hands meeting since nobody every sat near you. That is until today.

You can feel the nervous energy radiating off of Angela as she sits down beside you.

"I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"Because I let it slip to Damien that you're in school."

"It's okay. It was bound to come out sooner or later. Especially with my associates degree coming to me in the mail soon."

"What? No way!" Angela shouts, gaining attention from a few people. You smile softly as you make eye contact with Chanse before rolling your eyes. He laughs as your eyes move to the figure sitting beside him. Your eyes meet Damien's and you give him the same small, but now nervous, smile you gave Chanse. You turn your attention back to Angela.

"Yeah, Gen Ed finally done," you say as you pull up the email. Angela makes noises of excitement as she reads, earning more stares. You try to hide behind the laptop, but you know you've been seen. Your face heats up and you pull the hood of your jacket over you hair. "Angela, please. You're making a scene."

"Sorry, I'm just so fucking excited for you!" She all but yells again as she pulls her feet under her. She stands while squatting in the chair and kind of bounces or jumps, you don't know. You should be use to her antics but you are still easily embarrassed.

"Good morning, everyone," Anthony starts, pulling everyone's attention from you. You remind yourself to get him like a billion cookies for this kindness. Angela situates herself in the chair as you open your last assignment instructions for the semester.

Two hours later, you're watching people mill about as they go back to work. You're assignment on hold until you can do some in depth research at home. You pretend not to notice silver hair approaching as you stand and slip into the crowd, quickly making your way back to your desk, ready to become an editing machine again.

You have no idea how late it is when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You jump and take off your headphones as you turn around. A soft, amused smile plays on Damien's lips as he watches your confusion.

"Hi?" You whisper your question.

"Hi, it's six o'clock." You check your phone and see that it is actually about ten past six and that you have a missed slack warning you to leave. You nod.

"So it is. Thank you," you say as you save the edit and start shutting down for the night.

"Is that a crochet Toothless?" Damien asks, motioning to a small dragon crocheted from black yarn with big glittering, green eyes. You nod again. "Did you make it?"

A third nod as you pick it up and hand it to him. He admires it and hands it back to you. You place it back on your desk, right under your monitor.

"Jack likes those movies too."

"Yeah, it means a lot to us. We have matching tattoos." You don't know why you said that, but Damien nods, enthusiastically.

"I've seen Jack's the black silhouette with the red part of the tail, right? On his forearm. Like where my sword is, but smaller."

"Yeah, that's it," you say. Before you can think about it, you're pulling up your sleeve. Damien looks down as you show off your tattoo. His fingers come up to trace the outline of the tattoo before following the scars that litter your arm down to your wrist. Silently, he lifts your arm and places a gentle kiss to the exposed skin. You look up at his face and you can tell even he seems surprised that he did that.

You take your arm back and pull down your sleeve. You turn to pack up your bag, expecting Damien to be gone when you turn around. You turn back to see he's still there, looking at your decorations on your desk. A picture of you and Jack at your high school graduation, the little Toothless, and a Lego bunny Sadie gave you.

"Can I walk you to your car?" You nod as Damien motions for you to lead the way. You're both silent as you walk. Once at your car Damien speaks. "If I overstepped a boundary by talking about you on the podcast, I apologize. I really hope that's not why you're not speaking to me."

You're taken aback for a moment before shaking your head.

"I'm not mad at you, Damien. I just don't talk. As far as the podcast goes, everything is okay. Spencer warned me about it and what was talked about, just not what was said. And what you said was very sweet and I appreciate it. It made me feel seen for once in my miserable life."

"I'm glad I could be of service," Damien says, seemingly at a loss for words.

"I have to go. I need to pick up my niece. She's been with a friend since I was sick and I told her friend's mom that I would pick her up after work."

"When are Jack and Bella back?"

"Next week."

"When are your classes over?"

"I'm working on my last assignment this week. It's due Friday."

Damien nods.

"Have a good night," he says and turns to walks to his car.

The next day you find a Lego rose set on your desk, after lunch. Spencer is there staring at the attached, unopened note while nursing a Kickstart.

"What are you doing?"

"Being disappointed that the Kickstart hasn't given me mutant powers like x-ray vision," he responds, looking up at you.

"What's this?"

"Legos."

"No shit."

"I don't know. It was just here when I came to talk to you. You're always here but you weren't and the roses were."

"I went to the restroom." You sit at your desk and take the note off the box and open the envelope.

"I'm trying to respect your privacy but I am curious."

"Go away, Spencer."

"Okay, bye," he says as he walks away making a horrible sipping sound, knowing you hate it.

Thank you for sharing with me yesterday. I remember Jack saying you don't like real flowers, so Legos. I'll always see you. - Damien

You smile and put the Legos and note in your bag. You turn back to your work and get lost in the latest Try Not To Laugh.

The rest of the week consists of thoughts of Damien, but not seeing him much if at all around the office.

Friday night, you're laying in bed after turning in your assignment, confident that you did great on it. As you start to drift off your mind wanders to the day with Damien in the office. The softness of his lips against your skin, his words from the podcast "she was truly beautiful and I'll carry that memory for as long as she allows me to know her," and the intestity in his gaze when he looked at you. Your eyes open wide as you shoot upright in bed.

"Fuck, I like him!" You shout into your apartment. You hope you didn't wake Sadie. You listen for a minute before deciding that your neice is still sleeping soundly. You lay bac down and grab your phone, pulling up fan compilations of Damien to fall asleep to.

One week later a bunch of the editors are going out to dinner. You decide not to and continue working until the five forty-five slack. You pack up you bag and turn to see Damien at th entrance to your little cubical.

"We meet again," you say. "Hello."

"Hi," he smiles. "I was wondering what you were doing tonight."

"Going home. My social meter is at it's limit for the week."

"Oh, I was going to see if you want to hang out but I get it." He looks a little disappoint. You get an idea.

"Come over. We can hang out."

"Really?"

"Sure, it could be fun. What could go wrong?"

You unlock your door and let Damien step in before you. You lock the door behind you out of habit. You quickly make your way to your office and put down your bag and go back to the kitchen and grab two glasses of water.

"Thank you," Damien says, looking towards the box of Legos on the table. "You haven't built them yet?"

"No, I've been busy with school stuff. I was planning on building them tonight. Wearing pajamas and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but still building them."

"Oh, if you'd feel more comfortable in pj's go ahead."

"No, it okay. You don't have any pj's."

"I actually do in my car. My laundry machines broke and I had to go to the laundromat. I've been too lazy to take my clothes inside."

"Go get them. We can have a pajama party." You smile as Damien looks surprised. He nods and stands up, excusing himself to his car. You run to your bedroom and change into a pair of light gray sweatpants and a black tank top. You hear Damien walk in and the lock click before his footsteps lead to the bathroom.

You emerge first and set to work making cups of hot chocolate with just a splash of vanilla. You're not sure when Damien walks in, but at some point you look over and he's leaning against the door frame with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pajama pants and a pizza place shirt. He has a fond smile on his face and you return it.

"You kind of match. Turtle pizza and being Shayne's favorite pizza place."

"You're my favorite pizza place," Damien says. His eyes go wide as you let out a giggle. You hold a mug out to him. He takes it and immediately goes to take a sip.

"Careful its-"

"Ow!" Damien almost shouts as he puts a hand to his mouth.

"Hot. Are you okay?" You ask. He nods but his brows are furrowed as he takes a deep breath. "Did you burn your lip?"

He nods as he sets his mug onto the counter. You set your downs beside his and walk to the freezer, grabbing an ice cube. He takes it and holds it to his lip. He pulls it away as he says, "Thank you. Sorry about that."

"It's fine. You were just being a silly goose and didn't listen." You pick up your mug and walk over to Damien as he holds his fingers to his lips again. With your free hand you grab his wrist and pull it away from his mouth. "You're fine." With that you stand on your toes and give a quick peck to his lips. "There all better now."

You walk around him, leaving him to make the next move. You look over your shoulder and see him still standing there. You shake your head and make your way to the couch. You deposit your mug on a coaster and open the box of Legos.

You're sat on the floor between the couch and coffee table, Buffy the Vapire Slayer on the television screen, and piles of organized Lego pieces in front of you as Damien walks in and sits to your right. You silently follow the directions as the roses come to life in front of you. On the screen, Buffy punches Spike and your eyes get caught on it. Your brain turns off as you mindlessly watch the episode.

A hand on your left shoulder brings you back to your apartment. You look over and notice how the black painted nails match your shirt. Your attention goes to your right. Damien's face is unreadable as he stares at the screen. Your hands find themselves on the Legos again. Another two episodes and you've finished the roses and you're leaning back against the couch, watching Giles explain something to the Scooby Gang. Your eyelids grow heavy and your head starts to nod.

"Hey, I think it's time for bed." Damien's voice is soft. You nod and shift to stand up, but find Damien's shoulder instead. You sag onto him and close your eyes fully. "Oh, no, no, the floor isn't comfortable, babe."

"It is right now," you say. Your tired brain barely registered the pet name.

"Come on, it's late. Let's get you to bed."

You allow him to pull you up and guide you to bed. As he pulls the covers over you, you grab his wrist.

"You okay?"

"If it's so late then stay the night. Just don't watch any more Buffy."

"I don't want to impose. I should go."

"Please stay. I want to hang out with you."

He nods and you smile. You drift off pretty quickly, but you feel a kiss pressed to your forehead and hear the light switch click and the door shut before you're pulled into sleep.

The next morning you walk into the living room, hearing the TV playing New Girl. Confused, you look to the couch and remember last night. You smile at the softly snoring Damien on your couch. You grab the mugs and water glasses from the table and take them to the kitchen. You decide you want to hear the sweet words Damien said about you again, so you turn on the Smosh Mouth episode.

After his speech, the sound from your phone stops. You spin around to find Damien standing there.

"Good morning," you smile at him.

"Good morning. I have a question."

"I have an answer."

"You've already listened to this podcast. Why are you listening to it again?"

"To hear the nice things you said about me."

"But you've got the real thing right here. Don't you want me to tell you new words?"

You think about it a second before shaking your head. He looks a little confused as he cocks his head to the side with a smile.

"Why not?"

"Because I'd rather have your mouth on my mouth," you say shrugging and turning back to your project of deep cleaning the oven. The very confused "huh?!" noise that comes from Damien pulls a silently laugh from you.

"So, you do like me?"

"I literally kissed you on the mouth."

"I thought you were joking or, like, I don't know. Maybe doing a bit."

"You go process and once I am done with the oven, I'll come talk."

"Yeah, okay," Damien says as he turns around. As you take the next hour to clean the oven, you hear Damien in the bathroom. You shouted to him that an extra toothbrush is in a drawer.

When you finish cleaning the oven, you wash your hands and make your way to the living room where Damien is watching New Girl again. You sit on the opposite side of the couch and he pauses the show.

"Hi," he says.

"Hello," you say back as you turn your body towards him and cross your legs.

"So, you like me?"

"Yes."

"And I like you."

"Yes."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"Date? Make out? Fuck? I'm down for any and all of it."

He smiles and leans toward you. His hand goes to your knee closest to the couch.

"So, you don't mind if I do this?"

You shake your head. He brings his knee up to prop up on as his hands trail up to find your waist.

"Or this?"

You shake your head again and he leans fully over you as you lay back. He's holding himself on the arm of the couch to hover you. He brings his lips to yours in a quick, teasing kiss.

"Or this."

"Please keep doing that."

He smiles fondly at you as he pulls back and sits back down on the couch, pulling you into a sitting position.

"I like you, like, a lot and I want this to be something."

"I want the same."

"Can I take you on a date?"

You nod and grab his hand. You play with his fingers and you two talk about where you're going to go, what your relationship status is, and when and if you'll tell the fans. When you've settled everything for the time being he leans back and pulls you on top of him. He turns on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the twonof you cuddle as you watch.

"Hey, wait a second."

"What's up?"

You shift to where you can reach his lips and kiss him. His hands find a home on your wait and neck as yours perch on his chest and cheek. He deepens the kiss and pulls you closer.

"They got the mustard out!" Sounds from the television and you break away, laughing and slightly out of breath.

"Dude?"

"Shut up, this is my favorite episode."

He chuckles and holds you close as you cuddle and watch your favorite episode of your favorite show.

[boringbluebitch]

SlenderDad Headcanons

————⦻————⦻————⦻————⦻————

“Slenderman wouldn’t be a father figure to the pastas, he’s manipulative and that’s unrealistic/not canon-“ Anyway here’s some of my random headcanons of Slender being a father to the creeps cus it’s fun :3

————⦻————⦻————⦻————⦻————

- He’s the type of parental figure who tries too act like he’s “cool” and “nonchalant” and thinks he’s doing a good job at it but he actually isn’t and is TERRIBLE at it because he cares too much.

- Absolutely a girls dad 100% idc what anyone says. Jeff got stabbed? eh, he’ll be fine its not the first time EJ will fix him up. But Sally got a paper cut? You better get out the way cus he’s rushing to make sure she’s ok and he WILL trample over anyone in his way.

- Sally is in fact his number one favorite and no one can convince me otherwise. He lets her get away with pretty much whatever and treats her like a princess. (as everyone should)

- Going alongside with the point above this, Lulu is his second fav. (no I’m not projecting just because she’s my fav why would you think that..)

- He knows some basic sewing and mending skills so he “secretly” patches and fixes the creeps clothes for them. (they’re running through the woods, killing people, and doing crazy shit like 24/7 so ofc they constantly mess up their clothes) I just imagine Toby coming back after a long mission to find all his socks that once had holes in them no longer do. Or Nina complaining to Clockwork that she ripped her favorite skirt and being so sad about it, but when she comes back from a small spree the next day it’s sitting on her bed as good as new.

- He likes to give the creeps small “gifts” every once in a while. He’s never up front about it though he’ll just leave it in their room mysteriously (unless it’s one of the girlies) which sometimes comes off a bit ominous and creepy but it’s just him trying to make a sweet gesture and they recognize that.

- Idc what anyone says he cooks for them sometimes. He had no idea how to cook before, but the more and more creeps that started to pile up he became interested to learn. He’s not a master chef or anything, but he can make some basic stuff and it’s actually not too bad. They don’t have family dinners though imo, I don’t think they would ever sit together around a big table or anything, he just makes the food and says “eat when you want cus it’s here” and then leaves them too it.

- He’s such a proud LGBTQ+ supporter/ally guys don’t even play with me on this one. And the following is a situation I imagine happened (idc how unrealistic it is, it’s silly in my head therefore it’s true to me):

Slenderman: Hello Jane. I want to discuss a very important matter with you if you have the time.

Jane: …yes?

Slenderman: Well, I over heard the other day that you fancy women and I just wanted too let you know that I support you and I am a fellow LBTGQ+ ally.

Jane: …uh…thank you?

Slenderman: You are very welcome.

————⦻————⦻————⦻————⦻————⦻————⦻————

A lil bonus doodle cus why not ^_^

[ramblingoak]

Satan’s Toy Box

Hello anon!  Thank you for the prompt and I hope you enjoy what I came up with!  

~ As the owner of the local sex toy shop you find yourself developing a crush on a Cardinal from the local Satanic church ~

The prompt was: attempting to find out if they are single/available

Cardinal Copia x GN Reader (nsfw, 18+, mdni)

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Today was going to be the day.

You had been working up the courage for months at this point, ever since the man had first walked into your store.  He was definitely handsome, if a little old fashioned.  Not many people sported sideburns and mustaches anymore, but he pulled them both off.  It made him seem distinguished, especially with the salt and pepper strands creeping in at his temples. 

He was older than who you usually went for.  Of course maybe that was a good idea given your recent track record.  It seemed like most people your age weren’t ready to settle down yet.  You weren’t exactly looking to settle down yourself, the thought of a white picket fence and 2.5 kids was vaguely terrifying if you were being honest.  Unfortunately the main obstacle in your dating life was where you worked: Satan’s Toy Box.

It was rather irritating how fast some people would leave after learning you owned a sex supply shop.  You really didn’t know what the big deal was.  Some people were still way too hung up on topics surrounding sex.  It seemed like you either got people that were immediately turned off at the news or they thought you personally experimented with every item you sold.

Although honestly that wasn’t too far from the truth.

I mean, you had your limits, but you were taught that it was important for a business owner to know their product.  First hand experience and all that.  So if your products happened to be sex toys, so be it.  You’d never been one to shy away from some adventure in the bedroom.  Or out of it even.

Setting up shop in a town that also had a Satanic Church had seemed like a brilliant idea.  Kind of like Girl Scouts selling cookies right outside pot dispensaries.  It was a match made in Heaven.  Well, Hell.  Whatever.  Anyway, the various church members were regulars in your shop.  Siblings of Sin as they were called, people in masks called Ghouls, a few men in skull paint that called themselves ‘Papa’ and the man you had been trying to build up the courage to ask out: Cardinal Copia.

So yes, when Copia had waltzed into your store for the first time in a tight red suit you had been immediately interested.  He cut an interesting figure, what with the facial hair and the paint around his eyes and on his upper lip.  You had been behind the front counter and called out a welcome, but the poor man had been startled at your sudden voice and walked right into a display of neon butt plugs.

His cheeks had turned the same color of his suit and he tripped over an apology while trying to pick up the display.  You had rushed over to help, assuring him it was no problem while desperately trying not to stare at his face.  His Italian accent was giving you thoughts and it was possible when your hands both reached for the same neon pink butt plug you already had hearts in your eyes.

It was like you were starring in a Hallmark movie.

After everything had been cleaned up he had introduced himself and mentioned he was there to pick up an order for the church.  The transaction had gone quickly, only a little small talk before he had left with his large order of lube.  It was really adorable how often he felt the need to clarify it was for the church and not just him.  Like it mattered to you, you liked a man that was prepared.

By now though months had passed and you were fairly embarrassed with yourself that you hadn’t asked him out yet.  You just kept thinking he probably had some cute young sibling at the abbey.  Probably multiple siblings.  Why would he want to settle with one person when he was surrounded by beautiful people literally there to sin 24/7?  Plus you didn’t want to make things awkward, he was a regular customer after all. 

It’s just…what if he was interested as well?  He definitely had a flirty vibe whenever you spoke, but it’s possible he was just being nice.  There had been a few times he’d come in with some of the Ghouls and both times it looked like they had been arguing, only speaking in fierce whispers.  You wouldn’t have necessarily thought it was about you, but the last time they had been in the shop you overheard one of them tell Copia to ‘grow a pair’.

That had been what really drove you to decide that today was it, you were going to ask Cardinal Copia out on a date.  He was going to (maybe) say yes, you both would later have (probably) amazing sex and then in a year or so you’d (possibly) have that white picket fence everyone seemed to be clamoring for.  Or whatever the Satanic equivalent was, you weren’t going to be picky.

You had been doing laps around the shop all morning.  Dusting shelves and straightening products.  Making sure the movies were organized by genre and then alphabetized within each section.  The store hadn’t even been this clean when you first opened it.  As you made another meandering lap by the front door you stopped when you heard raised voices.

Creeping closer you peeked through the window expecting to see maybe a group of religious nuts or protestors, something you’d unfortunately dealt with before.  Instead what you saw was the Cardinal and a few of the Ghouls seemingly arguing with each other.  Not really wanting them to continue making a scene on the sidewalk, you swung the door open to ask if everything was ok, but Copia’s raised voice stopped you in your tracks.

“For the last time I’m not a virgin!”

Copia’s back was to you as he faced the other two, but you could see him tense up when the sound of the bell on your door registered.  One of the Ghoul’s immediately hung their head, the other covered their mouth with their hands to try and hide their laughter.  Honestly you wanted to laugh too, you could only imagine the look on poor Copia’s face.  He slowly turned around and his shoulders sagged when he saw you.  

“Good to know, Cardinal.”  You felt a little bad teasing him, but you also could have said something much, much worse.  He was lucky you liked him so much.  “Come on in!  I’ve got your order ready for you.”

You heard him mutter something to the Ghouls but they all trailed behind you inside the store.  The Ghouls took off to different corners, but Copia stayed behind you.  When he cleared his throat you turned nearly causing him to run into you.

“Cara mia, I’m not.  Uh, you know.”

“You’re not what?”

“A virgin.”

You gave him a soft smile, really it didn’t matter to you either way.  Experienced lovers were great but being able to teach someone was also great.  Really, really great.

“Oh well, it’s ok if you are.  I won’t judge.”

Copia fidgeted for a moment and reached a hand out to rest it on the nearby butt plug display.  The damn thing wasn’t very sturdy to do that, which he should know, so a few of the plugs fell off and clattered onto the floor.  You dug your teeth into your lip to stop from laughing, watching as he hurried to pick them up and get them back where they belonged.

“That’s very kind of you, but again, I’m not.”

He got everything back in place and then brushed his hands on the front of his suit, awkwardly resting them on his hips when he was done.  You couldn’t help but let your eyes wander over him for a moment because really, those suits were a gift.  When Copia cleared his throat you quickly looked back up at his face.

“Ok.  Um, cool.”

God, why were you still talking about this?  Cool?  He would never agree to go on a date with you now.  You sighed and gave him a brief smile before turning to get behind the counter and grab the church’s delivery.  ‘Yeah it’s super cool you aren’t a virgin, here’s the ten bottles of lube you ordered, have a great time’.  You were such an idiot.  Grunting you picked up the box and then set it on the counter. 

“Uh, actually, I had something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”  You glanced up from the box, watching as he nervously rubbed his hands together.  What could he possibly be nervous about?  He opened his mouth to continue but one of the Ghoul’s jogged up and slammed something down next to the box.

“Hey Boss, found the tentacle dildo you wanted.”

Copia immediately let loose a string of Italian and shoved the Ghoul away.

“For fucks sake Dewdrop would you piss off?!  Aether!”  The other Ghoul hurried up to the front, taking one look at the dildo then at the other Ghoul and sighed.

Aether grabbed the box and shoved it into Dewdrop’s hands.  He then grabbed the Ghoul by his shoulders and started pulling him out of the store.  Dewdrop was dragging and kicking his feet as he went, one kick sending the butt plug display flying and really, maybe you should just put that thing out of its misery.  You looked over to Copia, his cheeks as red as his suit as he looked at all the plugs scattered across the floor.  Again.

“Kids these days, huh?”  

Copia snorted and when you made your way around to pick everything up he leaned down and started helping you.

“I’m sorry, cara mia.  The Ghouls are a little uh, rambunctious.”

“No worries, we’re old hands at fixing this thing by now.”

You turned to smile at him, your smile growing when you saw that his cheeks were still red.  He picked up the last plug on the floor, but stared down at it for a moment before speaking.

“I feel like I’m always bringing chaos with me when I visit.”  Copia nibbled his lip briefly before handing the plug over.  “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

Oh if he only knew.  You stared at him for a moment, your mind going a mile a minute as you tried to get the courage to ask him out.

“Coffee?”

“Oh, si!  I can go get you a coffee!”

Shit.  You took a deep breath and reached a hand out to touch his arm.

“No, I meant, do you want to get a coffee…with me?”  Copia stood there for a moment, his mouth open and you instantly had a sinking feeling in your gut.  Fuck.  Ok, fuck.  That wasn’t what he meant, of course he would just want to go get you a coffee.  “I’m sorry, Cardinal!  That was unprofessional of me.  Just forget I said anything, let me get your receipt.”

As you started to rush by he shot out a hand and grasped your elbow.  You looked up at him, taking in his handsome features for what you hoped wasn’t the last time.

“What if I don’t want to?  Forget it, I mean.”

It took every ounce of self control you had not to start doing a little dance.

“So you do want to get coffee?  Together?”

“Si, si.  But I was actually hoping we could have dinner instead, would that be alright?”

Holy fuck.

“Yes!  I mean yes, dinner would be great.”

“Bene!  Molto bene.”  Copia was positively beaming at you and you probably looked exactly the same.  “Would tomorrow night work, cara?”

“Yes, that would be great.  I close at 6 so anytime after that.”

“Okie dokie, I will be here at 6.  Then dinner.”

You were afraid to open your mouth again and let out the ridiculous screeching sound you wanted to make so you just smiled wider and hurried off toward the counter.  When you turned with the receipt in your hand you bumped right into his chest, not realizing he had followed you.

“Oh, sorry Cardinal!”

Ugh, could you embarrass yourself any more today?  Copia didn’t seem bothered though, he took the receipt from you with one hand and with the other he pulled your hand to his mouth.  He placed a quick kiss on the back, smiling softly at you after.

“It’s Copia to you, cara mia.”  He dropped another kiss onto your hand and then slowly started walking backwards toward the door.  Copia looked a little smug watching as your hand remained frozen in the air.  “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

You were grinning like an idiot now, barely holding in the dreamy sigh that was desperately wanting to come out.  Copia gave you an equally goofy smile back and then spun on his heel to leave.  Unfortunately he ran right into the display again and once more your floor was covered in neon colored butt plugs.

Ok, maybe not exactly like a Hallmark movie, but close enough for you.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

my masterlist

my ao3

[ilasknives]

INK BLACK AND BLUE (A whump fic introduction).

hello and welcome to my newest whumpee! I swear I'm writing my other stories but for now you can have him :)

CW for: BBU/BBU Adjacent, pet whump, brief mentions of non-con touch, non-consensual drugging.

1: Hand to Hand to Hand

Pet practically belonged to the casino by now. He was here more often than not, these days, tucked uncomfortably under some table in the back corner with his head down and his knees underneath himself, hands bound tightly together and chained to a table leg. It was a small place compared to most, low-lit in the yellow wash of the dying lights on the ceiling, hidden in some back alley somewhere. The kind of place people went when they didn’t want much competition, or when they’d been kicked out of every bigger casino in the area. Pet could find his way here from any corner of the town in his sleep.

Most days he’d be dragged in the doorway to a handful of pills shoved down his throat and a hand - or several - blocking off his breathing until he swallowed, then he’d be shoved down to his knees on the moth-eaten carpet to wait.

Today was no different. He couldn’t see much beyond the shoes of the players and the table legs around him, but by the force of the poker chips being dropped on the table and the anxious shifting of the pair of legs beside him, it was going to be… a long night. It had already been a long night. His owner - current owner, anyway - was losing, and badly.

A hand dropped down to rough up his hair and Pet gritted his teeth, curling his fingers into the carpet fibres and hunching down lower. Every muscle in his body drew tense, the urge to bite swelling in his chest, raging and painful, dulled only by the drugs in his system. Somewhere else, he would thrash and turn and sink his teeth in. But he didn't bite here. He'd learned that lesson well and truly by now. He worked his teeth into his bottom lip instead, and the hand drew away to throw another card down on the table.

The game dragged on. Poker chips slammed on the table above him, a kick to his side, yelling from the men who were losing, yelling from the men who were winning. A hand in his hair, more chips on the table, more yelling. Cards, chips, hand, yell. Teeth into lip. Cards, hands, yelling. Nausea, climbing his throat. Drugs and swimming vision. The urge to fight, stuffed somewhere back behind his teeth. He didn't bite here.

The table cleared slowly as time wore on, players running slowly out of cash as it piled in the centre or finally deciding to escape with their winnings before they lost them again. His owner kept reaching down to pet his head – something that only this owner did, really, and Pet didn’t know if it was a nervous habit or if he thought it was some odd form of good luck. Pet had never asked, too focused on keeping his teeth in his mouth and ignoring the way it made his skin crawl. He’d never be seen like that, anyway. At worst he was bad luck, at best he was nothing to them at all.

He gritted his teeth together under the table and dug his fingers into the carpet. It was worn, here, from how often he did this. His table, his spot. Casino property, or whatever. He didn’t want to mean anything to them.

It was some time before the sound of the door opening drew his attention and he lifted his head to see a new pair of shoes stepping across to the table.  

“You have time for another round?”

The newcomer’s voice was not one that Pet had heard before. He stilled, listening. The men here were all violent and mean, slurred voices, rough hands. Pet knew them all personally. Intimately. He’d been to each house, each bed, each basement floor many times over but this man – he didn’t recognise him. There hadn’t been a newcomer to this casino in months.

“Just packing up,” said his owner, but there was an edge to it, like he was hesitating. The newcomer shifted his feet.

“Are you sure?”

“… You play cards?”

“I’m quite good at cards, yes.”

His owner sat up straighter and laughed. None of them could resist a challenge. This was going to drag out into another few rounds of back and forth, and his legs were already numb. It was a goddamned miracle his owner had kept him this long as it was, but he was quickly running out of money and Pet knew he didn’t know when to stop. This owner was always more hesitant to give him up, for whatever reason, but he’d done it many times before. He’d do it many times again.

There were three of them at the table now – his owner, another regular, and the newcomer. The cards shuffled, and someone started tossing them out. One fell, fluttering down to the floor, and the newcomer leaned down to pick it up. He glanced up when he did, face-to-face with Pet as he reached for it. The man blinked at him, picked the card off the floor and straightened. That was fine. He’d prefer to be ignored, anyway. Above him, the conversation continued.

“You have a pet here?” asked the newcomer.

His owner huffed out a laugh. “He’s not worth much, if that’s what you’re wondering. A pain in the ass, more than anything. Aren’t you, pest?” He reached down to rough up Pet’s hair again. He gritted his teeth together and refused to respond, which earned him a smack up the back of the head. “See what I mean?”

“I didn’t know they were allowed this close to the tables.”

A scoff. “You think this place cares? You’re not in a big city anymore, mate.”

The newcomer hummed in agreement. “Guess not.”

Pet glared at the floor, tearing carpet threads up with his fingers, bottom lip worked painfully between his teeth. He’d bitten it raw, but no one cared, least of all himself. It’d just be a point of mockery later, of wow, pest, had to try real hard to keep your teeth to yourself back there, huh? and rough hands holding his face still so someone could lick the blood away. He told himself he’d smash his face into theirs.

Bad pet. Pest. Fucking menace. He revelled in it.

Just not here, he reminded himself when his owner shifted his leg to press it against his side. The contact made his stomach turn.

The game went on.

“Not as good as you said, huh?” Someone said, late into the game, late into the night. “Bet that hand you got dealt isn’t looking as good as you thought.”

A laugh. A shuffle of cards. “I guess not. You’re doing well, though.”

“You’re too fuckin’ polite for this place, mate,” his owner laughed. More chips dragged over to his side, piled so dangerously close to the edge that if Pet craned his neck, or shifted just a little too much, he’d be able to make them fall. Somehow they didn’t when his owner leaned across the table. “Got another round in you? Or are you gonna tuck your tail between your legs and run home? Easy winnings from someone who claimed to be good at this.”

The newcomer sighed and shifted, a hand coming down to pat at his pockets. Pet had been here long enough that he understood what was happening, the desperate search for something else to put up, the draw to the game even when he’d done nothing but lose.

“… I’ll put my car in.”

The owner laughed heartily and accepted. The other regular had left, by now, and it was these two alone, nothing but Pet and the casino staff behind the bar to watch them. This game, another. The tide turned, and his owner started losing, the newcomer’s skills seeming to come through for him.

His owner was scrambling, now, the wins he’d been gloating about ripped right from underneath him.

Pet felt the tug on his leash before he heard the words.

“Throw him in, too.”

“Your pet?”

“His attitude isn’t worth shit, but a pet’s worth a lot of money, you know that.”

“… Sure,” shrugged the newcomer. “My dad could use another pet.”

If his owner had been any decent kind of person, he might have mentioned that Pet was not the kind of pet that anyone would want. He was disobedient and angry. He didn’t get passed around the casino because he was good. They all just wanted their shot at breaking him – it’s all he was good for, anyway. A bargaining chip, a game piece, something to be taken and given up. Just a monetary value and a source of bragging rights.

But his owner was a bitter, arrogant kind of man, just like the rest of them. He was a desperate one, too. So Pet became part of the betting pool once again, and the cards were shuffled above him.

In the end, no matter how hard his owner had tried, no matter what cards he played, it hadn’t mattered. He lost the money. He gave up Pet.

At some ungodly hour of the morning, after a scuffle between the men - over one claiming the other had cheated, or scammed him, or something like that - that the casino staff had to break up, Pet’s chains were taken off his wrists. He heard one of the staff mutter a recommendation for a muzzle.

The newcomer wrapped Pet’s leash around his fist and dragged him outside.

The world swam, and his legs barely had feeling back, and he didn’t fight when he was pushed into the back of a car, still too close to the casino.

He didn’t bite here.

But almost. Soon. When the drugs weren’t making him so tired, when he wasn’t trying to figure out what this new owner would be like and how hard he’d have to fight.

He didn’t answer when the man asked for his name. He’d stopped keeping track of those a long time ago.

They drove the rest of the way in silence.

Taglist (please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed!): @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @whumpinthepot

[moldwood]

i've had a bluesky for probably a year or so but have never ever used it because i don't have the energy or time for more than one social media. until tumblr dies i'll be here 99% of the time, but art may start to be posted over there at least. all that is to say i logged in to make sure i still had the urls and saw this on the homepage feed whatever

I CANNOT IMAGINE THE WORLD TWITTER USERS HAVE BEEN LIVING IN WHERE THIS IS MINDBLOWING. COULD YOU IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO edit:im adding a read more for the people on mobile. don't click it. it's just to prove a point about the ridiculous number of characters you can have in a tumblr post

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right.

At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything?

We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.

Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available?

Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler.

Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector!

Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you… I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something?

Like what? I don't know. I mean… I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I'll see you around.

Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's… human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that?

They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah.

What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? 

Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung.

Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively?

A privilege. Mr. Benson… you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you.

No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that?

Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren't your real parents!

Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man?

What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it's just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? 

They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me.

Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security.

You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That's Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac?

Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

[robyn-hood-10]

Hello! You can call me Robyn if you want, and for my first actual post I wanted to give an explanation for the… interesting, site that Tumblr becomes today. At least with the Danny Phantom fandom (the Phandom if you will). So welcome to Dannypocalyse!

Dannypocalypse is a yearly event celebrating the Danny Phantom! And more so the Phandom in my opinion, as it is essentially a separate entity by now. And in true Phandom fashion, it’s weird (affectionate, with me it’s always the affectionate kind of weird). Not even gonna sugarcoat it. So I am going to do my best to help some wayward new fans or people unfortunate enough to stumble on this event without proper context.

When I was newer to the fandom, I was also missing quite a bit of context for everything. But lucky for me, I am very good at rolling with whatever, so I just accepted weirdness and moved on (seriously, I accepted that Wes Weston was an actual preexisting character for way too long before I really understood).

Essentially Dannypocalyse is just flooding Tumblr especially, with photoshopped photos of the titular character Danny Phantom, and if your wondering where you would find them I’ve got nothing, this is my contribution to Dannypocalyse, (sorry, not my thing), but I am hoping someone more experienced will help.

This event also takes place on the original airing of Danny Phantom, April 3rd!

So no, Tumblr has not been taken over by whatever you thought it was, and yes, it’s essentially an inside joke within a fandom. Fun!

And here are my sources because never let it be said that you shouldn’t cite your sources. (also respect to @narwhalsarefalling, creating an insane annual event out of a joke is peak chaos and power and I have ridiculous levels of respect).

Anyways, that’s all from me folks! Hope this helps make things make a bit more sense! See you next time I feel the need to ramble about my hyper fixations! Bye!

[hiddendepths-aublog]

Hmm, do you all know what day it is?

November 10th, of course! Which means it’s ANNIVERSARY TIME!…

…or won’t be for four days, but I really wanted this event to last for a week, so you could get as much fun as possible out of it while it lasts. So it’s ANNIVERSARY WEEK from today to November 17th!

Of course, that doesn’t guarantee that Chapter 8 is coming out any time soon. I just wanted to do something special to celebrate our anniversary here at Hidden Depths, and I think… I’ve come up with something you’ll all like! That, my friends, is the main (and possibly only) attraction throughout Anniversary Week!

Ladies and gentlemen, if you would heed the words of my friends here for a second…

[TRANSMISSION RECIEVED]

…

…

(You can hear the sound of people’s voices as the transceiver fizzles to life. It takes a few seconds for you to see them properly.)

So how does this thing even work, anyway? (There’s a small banging sound as Tinky taps the top of the transceiver.) Does it run on batteries, or… some kind of, like, alien power core? I mean, it’s not exactly plugged in, and I don’t see-

No questions, Karaxis. Just wait for it to turn on by itself, as we were told.

Oh come on, just because we can’t ask questions doesn’t mean we can’t have questions. Besides, the thing’s not even on yet-

-Hey, what’s it doing now?

(Blinky turns to the screen, realising that it is, in fact, on (and perhaps, also very confused as to how Nibbly noticed something that she didn’t).)

O-oh! Places, everyone!

(There’s a short clamouring on screen as the rest of the New Lords retreat to the side, and by proxy beyond your vision, to give Wiggly space as he comes on camera. He clears his throat before waving.)

Hello, my dear… um… friends! Welcome to the Black and White! I am the God of the Seas, Wiggog Y’rath-

I’m fairly certain they know that.

Well- a-as I’m sure you know, and-

(He continues to stumble a little before shaking his head.)

Well… we’ve been tasked with looking after your little transceiver for the next week, and answering any questions you may have for us. While we don’t know who you are or how you know who we are… well, even with how unsettling, and quite frankly, suspicious this entire situation is…

Especially given that it just showed up on our doorstep 30 minutes ago complete with a note specifically telling us not to ask any questions and to “just go with it”…

Yes, even with all of that… Webby’s told us it can’t possibly be anything that poses a threat to our rule, our powers don’t seem to work on the transceiver-

-Still mad that it tastes so much like pain…

-it gives us something to do over the next week, and there’s really no reason why we shouldn’t…

And hopefully, once it powers down, I get to take a look inside and see what makes it tick!

So… there you go! We’ll be happy to hear whatever it is you want to say.

Have a great next week, everyone! We’ll be watching.

***

Ladies and gentlemen, from November 10th to 17th- one week, and one week only… ASK THE NEW LORDS!

…And only the New Lords. Noone else is getting involved. But that’s fine, because the New Lords are really the only ones that are that important.

Have fun asking them whatever you want to know for the next week!

(Just don’t try to inform them of their… past, so to speak. We’re keeping that a surprise to them for a while.)

[sauriansolutions]

So based on some vague keyboard smash posts, plus some screenshots I saw around Tumblr, this is my interpretation of what I think we English server players can expect to see soon in Chapter 7...

Spoilers below the cut because this is all highly accurate!

Rook's dream:

Rook: Omfg it's Neige and Vil! Onstage, together!

Rook: And now they're singing and dancing about their precious friendship!

Rook: And I have a front-row seat!

Rook: *pulls out a pair of jumbo binoculars* :D

Rook: *puts a pair of tiny opera glasses on the jumbo binoculars* :D :D

Vil's dream:

Vil: Hello there, I am Vil--yes, Vil the very successful actor. Vil, the shining star with no competitors whatever, yes, that's me.

Vil: And this here is my lowly assistant... lol I forget his name?

Neige: *bowing* You're so much better than me, Vil-sama, I am unworthy of a name!

Vil: Ahaha how amusing... a talking ant. Don't make me step on you, little bug~

Neige: You can step on me Vil-sama it's okay!

Vil: ... Alright but don't make it weird.

Epel's dream:

Epel: *unnaturally deep voice* Hello fellow students, I'm Epel and I am Very Tall.

Fellow students: *craning their necks to look up and up and up* .......

Yuu: *takes out their Trauma Count notebook and adds a tally mark*

Later...

Yuu: Uhh so, Silver... is this the kinda stuff you see all the time, when your magical narcolepsy makes you visit people's dreams?

Silver: Yeah. This is all pretty normal.

Yuu: Huh.

Silver: 😐

Yuu: I think I understand you much better now.

Silver: 😐

______

God also, apparently, they're going to go backwards through every character's dreams in reverse order of their introduction? And I can't fucking wait??

Here are my predictions:

Chapter 5: Ignihyde

Ortho's dream:

Ortho: Hooray, I'm so happy we're finally outside!

Idia: Me too!

Ortho: And we're at a park!

Idia: You were right all along lil bro, parks are fun!

Ortho: And all our friends are here too!!

Idia: Hooray for friendship amirite?

Yuu and the gang: Huh, this one is weirdly wholesome. Hey, I wonder if...

Idia's dream:

(It's the same dream, but...)

Idia: Omfg help, SOS, mayday, someone please save me!

Yuu: Idia? Are you--

Idia: You gotta get me outta here! There are people everywhere! They're all looking at me and AHHH OH GODS NO, you're people too!!

Idia: ahhh it's literally my worst nightmaaare ahhh *runs away*

Chapter 4: Scarabia

Kalim's dream:

Grim: omg where are we??

Yuu: I dunno, everything's so bright and shiny it's hard to even look at...

*clouds part*

Giant Baby Otter: HELLO

All: AHHH

Giant Baby Otter: YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED BY KALIM AL-ASIM TO PARTYLAND, THE LAND WHERE IT'S ALWAYS A PARTY AND THE PARTYING NEVER ENDS

Grim: Oh shit, I wanna go. Can we go to partyland? Please? Pleeeease?

Sebek: No, we can't go to partyland, we need to save WAKASAMA--

All, including Giant Baby Otter: 🥺

Sebek: ...

Sebek: Okay, ten minutes.

Jamil's dream:

Jamil: Muahahaha! Finally, Kalim is DEAD! I killed him!

Jamil: And now... I'm going to...

Jamil: TAKE A NAP!

Kalim: Yaaay I'm actually alive!

Jamil: What?? No!

Kalim: I was just pretending to be dead! Funny joke huh? Hee hee!

Jamil: I literally stabbed you eleven times, how--

Kalim: The power of friendship!

Jamil: That doesn't even--

Kalim: Let's join hands and sing the friendship song!

Jamil: NoOOOOoooOo

Chapter 3: Octavinelle

Azul's dream:

Azul: Welcome to the Mostro Lounge II! The even better, even more monetarily successful version of Mostro Lounge!

Yuu: Oh. Hmm. This is...

Silver: Yes, this seems about right.

Sebek: This is exactly as I expected!

Azul: Excuse you? Are you calling my dream boring and predictable?

Grim: What, you mean you own TWO restaurants, and make even MORE money now? Ugh, let's go before he makes us wash dishes or something.

Azul: *shouting after them* Wait! There are some new menu items!

Azul: Mostro Lounge II has its own Magicam account!

Azul: ...Come back and buy something!

*cricket noises*

Azul: Fine, I don't need you guys anyway! C'mon, Sentient Coin Collection, let's go count you in the Even More Exclusive VIP Room!

Sentient Coin Collection: *weird muppet voice* Hehe yay! I love when you count me, Azul~

Jade's dream:

(It's just a picture of Jade smiling and saying something that's been blurred out. In front of an entire background that's also been blurred out.)

Yuu: We are legally and morally unable to show you what happened in Jade's dream.

Yuu: Needless to say, mushrooms were involved.

Grim: Never EVER, say the word "mushrooms" EVER AGAIN--

Floyd's dream:

(It's the same picture again, but with Floyd.)

Yuu: You know what?

Yuu: We're going to just. Not talk about this one, either.

Grim: *is just sobbing* I HATE DREAMS

Chapter 2: Savanaclaw

Ruggie's dream:

Ruggie: *opens a closet door and finds it overflowing with random bags of chips, fruit slices, a whole baked ham, etc*

Ruggie: omg yes! Look at all this free food!!

Ruggie: *opens another closet door and finds it overflowing with plastic containers*

Ruggie: EVERYTHING'S COMIN' UP RUGGIE BUCCHI TODAY shishishi

Jack's dream:

Jack: ... One thousand! I'm done my sit-ups!

Jack: And now it's time to start my pull-ups...

Grim: Do you actually, seriously dream about working out?

Jack: ...Yes?

Yuu: And then wake up, and go do it for real?

Jack: ...Yes??

Jack: Well, wait, no. Not before I've had a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, obviously.

Grim: Let's go. C'mon Silver, do the dream magic thing.

Yuu: Yeah, hurry. I'm feeling like a lazier, generally worse person every second that we stay here.

Sebek: *is also lifting weights* Aww, do we have to leave already? I like it here--

Leona's dream:

Leona: zzzzz

*Leona is dead asleep in the middle of the botanic garden*

Yuu: ... can you sleep in a dream?

Grim: Yes, Yuu, we literally just established that in Book 7, Chapter 50-something, weren't you paying attention?

Sebek: So... what do we do now?

Silver: We have no choice. We must... go into his dream-within-a-dream!

*horn noise from Inception*

Leona: zzzzz

*Leona is dead asleep in the middle of the botanic garden, except now everything is staircases*

All: NoOOOOoooOo

*horn noise from Inception*

Chapter 1: Heartslabyul

Trey's dream:

Trey: Oh good, you guys got here just in time. The cookies are ready.

*Trey, dressed in a dentist's garb, pulls a steaming plate of cookies out of a giant mouth*

Grim: NO NO NO EVERYBODY RUN

Trey: Wait, come back, there is a perfectly normal explanation for this I promise--

Cater's dream:

Cater: My Magicam account has its own Magicam account!

All: ...

Cater: Yeah that's it. That's my dream.

Cater: My life actually kind of sucks, okay?

All: 😨

Ace's dream:

Ace: Hey guys, I'd like you all to meet my brother~

Yuu: Is that Patton Oswalt?

Patton Oswalt: Yes it's me, Patton Oswalt, I've been Ace's older brother this whole time!

Grim: Okay wait. Time out. Ace, is your brother actually Patton Oswalt?

Yuu: Or is it just your dream that Patton Oswalt was your brother?

Ace: Wouldn't you like to know!

(This is an inside joke that only me and like one other person will understand...)

Deuce's dream:

Deuce: *surrounded by baby chicks and empty egg cartons* I can't believe it!

Deuce: Baby chicks really do come from grocery store eggs! I KNEW IT!

Deuce: Hah! What do you have to say about THAT, Ace?

Ace: *offscreen* Uhh well, my older brother is Patton Oswalt, so...

Deuce: Argh! Dammit Ace!!

Grim: Are we done yet? I have no idea what's even going on anymore.

Silver: That's pretty normal for dreams, actually.

Yuu: Just one more dream... then we can go face off against Hornton... This one shouldn't be TOO bad, I mean it's--

Riddle's dream

*Riddle is 9,000 ft tall and breathing fire*

Riddle: Who the FUCK ate my FUCKING strawberry tart?!

*Riddle's mom appears, and she is 12,000 ft tall and breathing even more fire and has lasers for eyes*

Riddle's mom: ... LANGUAGE, RIDDLE!

*Godzilla noises in the background*

*Also everything is on fire*

Yuu: *puts on a bowler hat and sips a coffee that just appeared out of nowhere* This is fine.

END

(this got away from me a little)

[peppermintstarsonamintyway]

This, is definitely overdue.

Alright, hi, hello. Let's talk- as my shittily drawn comic says-

First off, I'm Kaz, I also go by Wolfy, Fifty (from my old tumblr user/tag/whatever), and any variation of Peppermint. One friend who has tumblr as well calls me Pepsi on discord for shits and giggle and another knows my real name. Well, both know, it's just a 50/50 on what they use-

I am a sexuality questioning neurodivergent genderfluid creature, I don't care what pronouns are used for me as long as the person talking to me is comfortable with me.

On here I'll be most commonly showing myself as a kitsune with just, a chalk board on hand. Or, well, paw.

Okay, general blog rules and things to know.

No explicit nsfw. You can send asks being curious about certain habits of my ocs and draw whatever kinda art of them you want (do not touch ANY little ones I will block you so fast), but anything in regards to me myself, absolutely the fuck not.

Oc shipping is perfectly okay with me! Just don't ask about children and keep your fan children to yourself, please and thank you. I do not want asks about my ocs having children in my askbox.

I am VERY much a multishipper, if you see me shipping my ocs with my other ocs, do not assume you can't come in and make an offer of one of your own ocs. Do not be afraid to talk to me about shipping ocs or oc interactions in general.

As long as I'm credited, anyone is more than welcome to use my art for whatever the fuck they want. If it's something questionable, I'd prefer you keep it to yourself, but otherwise, go ahead. Although I'd be surprised if anyone wanted to use my art for anything-

I do NOT. I repeat, do NOT. Take commissions. I'll take requests to draw ocs and other such things, alongside canon characters, but I do NOT take commissions. Requests will really only be sketches, occasionally colored and sometimes legitimately finished because I had the energy for it.

I feel as though this should be obvious, but I'll say it anyways, pro-shippers, racists, lgbtq+phobics, assholes of generally any kind, especially those obsessed with politics, aren't fucking welcome here. This blog is here for me to look at content from people I like and affectionately blast my mutuals with whatever cracked up shit I come up with. If you can't help but be a piece of shit in my safe space, you can go fuck yourself.

Be kind. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you came here for, but if you can't bare to spare a shred of kindness when you talk to me, I don't want you interacting with my blog. You can criticize my art, the way I write, the way I talk, just how much I ramble, but if you can't be nice about it, I'd rather you say nothing at all.

Alright, that should be that.

If you wanna contact me, you can contact me on here through tumblr's messaging system, but you can also contact me on discord at .peppermintstars! If you're gonna friend me on discord, please warn me before you do. I don't have the best experience with randomly being friended and I may end up blocking you on instinct- I do have a twitter although I don't use it so I won't bother linking it until I start using it.

I hope to eventually start streaming sometime this year, be it with or without a 2d or 3d model, so if you wanna support me, you can find me on twitch and youtube!

I'll also give a list of the media I'm into and what you can expect me to be reblogging! Or at least looking at-

Cookie Run! Primarily ocs. (I don't know what the fuck is going on in the story rn and I need to get caught up-)

Persona 5 Royal and in subsequent, the Persona series in general.

Demon Slayer! (Or Kimetsu No Yaiba if you prefer to call it that.)

Pokemon. I like to watch the animes and if I can I'll get whatever new game comes out, even if I get it a bit late-

How To Train Your Dragon! Yes I'm still into HTTYD even years after the first movie came out. That shit ain't going no where.

Honkai: Star Rail and Genshin Impact! Although the interest for these has diminished and isn't ever really consistent, I may as well list them because I either do play them or have played them.

Cult of The Lamb! I like Narilamb. I like Narinder. I've a thing for powerful higher beings in general okay-

Dungeons and Dragons! If you need a dm or an extra player for whatever reason, I am more than open to joining a campaign.

Dark Souls! And other souls-like games from FromSoftware- ties into the D&D thing because I get way too many ideas watching playthroughs of those games.

God of War! Again, the liking of powerful higher beings- also ties into D&D.

The Resident Evil series! Leon Kennedy is hot and Ethan Winters was a good dad.

FNAF! Alongside other such mascot horror games- Poppy Playtime included (mostly just for Dogday.)

Mythology and folklore! Hopefully evident by the fact I chose a kitsune as my persona on here- also connects into D&D again to no one's surprise.

That should be everything I can remember off the top of my head!

That's all, thank you for reading, have a good day, and here's a sleepy kitsune for your troubles!

[edgy-ella]

~~THE EDGY ELLA MASTERLIST~~

Hello! Welcome to my Tumblr. Yes, it is I, the great and powerful Edgy Ella. This is my personal blog, not dedicated to any one fandom, so I post all kinds of things on here. Below the cut are links to my socials, projects I’m working on, some of my biggest and/or favorite posts on here, etc.

Socials:

Twitter: Here

YouTube: Here

Archive of our Own: Here

Discord: Here (this is primarily a server for Iron Touch)

Ongoing Projects:

Iron Touch: A JoJo fanpart that takes place between Golden Wind and Stone Ocean starring Polnareff’s daughter as the lead. Don’t forget to leave comments and kudos!

Conversations With Mike: A FNAF rewrite meant to streamline the story while adding some new plot details in to keep things interesting. Written in collaboration with @allshaftsfall. Alternate link here.

Completed Fics:

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure:

Little Diamond: A short fic of Tomoko finding Josuke in the hospital after his battle with Kira. Completed on 6/18/2021.

Water Boiling on the Seafloor: While traveling via submarine to Egypt, Polnareff has a little chat with Avdol about the whole "faking his death" thing. Completed 5/27/2023.

Sonic the Hedgehog:

Unlike Mechs, I Can Grow: Being a teenager, Sonic was bound to hit his growth spurt at some point. His robot doppelganger wishes it could say the same. Completed 4/22/2022.

(All of my fics are rated either G or T on AO3. Don’t worry—there’s no smut to be found here.)

Side Blogs:

@iron-touch: A blog dedicated to my aforementioned fanpart, where I post chapter updates, author’s notes, and reblog any fanart of the fic I see

@futuresmashmemes: My smash bros meme blog where I post about stuff that could happen in Smash Bros (and some of it did!)

The Tumblr Archives:

Ella Essays: Wanna hear me ramble? These are my theories, analysis posts, and headcanons about anything and everything I wanna talk about.

Hall of Fame: Posts from this blog with 100 notes or more.

DNI List:

I’ve never been much of a blocker or “if you like this thing, don’t breathe in my general vicinity or I’ll chop your hands off” kind of a person, so anyone is free to interact with me if they want. However, there are types of people that I usually don’t get along with or feel uncomfortable talking to.

Proshippers: I’m not a shipping guy and stay out of ship discourse, but I don’t have a good track record with proshippers. If you can’t handle me dunking on your problematic ship, then we probably won’t get along.

NSFW/kink accounts: No thank you, not my thing. Not on main, anyways. I don’t mind if you post NSFW on a side account, though.

MAPs: Pedos can suck my big fat adult cock

Skinny shamers: Body shaming of any kind is incredibly rude, but for whatever reason people seem to think skinny shaming is the exception. If you unironically have a “fuck the skinny bitches” mentality, keep in mind that I am the skinny bitches in question.