#anyways almost caught up!!!

[thebrainrotsreal]

I don't think this is s2 part B spoilers since he was introduced before the break, BUT YES GIVE MARK A LIL BRO FR. He's such a good big brother istg, he saw this baby and instantly bonded, like just let him have a normal happy life please!!! Let him be happy in general istg.

[puppppppppy]

who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️

ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday

[opalsiren]

boiling hot take but i do think the og h2o tails are near perfect. yes more colourful tails to correspond to the girlies' personalities could be cute. how and ever the muted orange scales look fun and fantastical while still blending in to look 'natural' against most skintones. orange is the complimentary colour to the blue water the merms spend much of their time in. the copper-orange scales also lowkey remind me of goldfish which is amusing to reflect upon. if it is to be said so it be

[apencilandpen]

this is how we're supposed to be

[inkykeiji]

ok oK OKAY but LETS consider sunday-nii right? like it had always been the three of you; sunday, robin and you. and then robin flew off to be the star and sunday just never really adjusted from the gap. he had all this love to give and since robin was no longer there to receive it, he just doubled it over on you. like he just gets this obsessive attachment, always needing to know where you are and what youre doing? thats too far. too dangerous. its better to just stay at home, i have everything for you here. the man has pretty much clipped your wings and left you stranded in his grip. and from there its just so easy for the lines to blur. youre not just his sister, youre his everything. so why not add wifey to the title list. after all, you dont need anyone else but him. so who else would be fitting as the title of your husband 🦦

ANON omggg i am in love with this because it feels so on brand with sunday’s character. we know he is obsessive + compulsive, we know he likes order and rules and complete control (and seems to get anxious/angry/agitated when he doesn’t have it or it is threatened), and we know that he truly believes himself to be benevolent + that his actions are in the chief interest and welfare of those he cares about.

he’s really protective, and he’s really overbearing with his protection and his love, and he genuinely believes he’s doing what’s right for you, what’s best for you, because (in his mind) he is more intelligent than you are and he knows so much better than his precious baby sister ever could. it’s so easy for sunday to delude himself into thinking that what he’s doing is not only right, but it is just as well, it is his duty as your older brother, his god-given role to fulfill and then exceed, and he plans to do so flawlessly.

and the worst part about it is that he’s so fucking sweet about it, too!!! he’s so doting, so darling, loves you so fucking much that you feel bitter guilt churn heavy and sick in your stomach at just the mere thought of disobeying him or questioning him + his motives. he’s so authentic in his self-deception that when your own sound logic and gut feelings break through the conditioning, you feel awful for doubting him and his intentions in the slightest, and gaslight yourself into believing that your paranoid or spoiled and ungrateful for such a adoring, devoted big brother.

i also think it’s entirely possible that he believes himself to have made a mistake with allowing robin to go off on her own, and vowing secretly to himself to never make that mistake with you. he’s learned his lesson from allowing his other younger sibling too much freedom; that it’s safer and better for all parties involved if you’re locked away in a gorgeous golden cage, where he can tend to all of your needs with precision and perfection. you’ll be happier and more peaceful and truly free locked away inside your big brother’s pretty cage, he promises.

[scrungy-gerry]

pov i ask you calmly how your day was

[carnivalcentipede]

i never posted it but heres the full drawing of @eternalscribbles that i drew a while back that i was really proud of, still am, looks really fucking cool /pos

i hope you guys like it too

[expelliarmus]

[colonelmajorkepler]

is this a safe space for me to admit i did Not like the mother lauren arc. or at the very least the ending with the father kevin episode

[cuttyflammm]

lookism dump nyehehe

[crownrots]

↳ SIDE HOTD (2 /∞ ) 📜🏹 DYANNA THORNWOOD ── glass is only brittle until it breaks, then it's sharp. (x) (x) (x)

[wispurring-moss]

*stumbles back onto this blog utterly disheveled & covered in blood*

...anyways. back on my bullshit lmfao

[cultivating-wildflowers]

mood for the morning: my bowl of breakfast (strawberry crumble) flying across the passenger seat as I take a turn a little too sharply, while "Son of man, can these bones live?" from Ezekiel blasts through my car stereo

[ace-malarky]

Hello here is a lot of words and also some pictures by the delightful @tracle0 and a tiefling character creator and also a song that is very important to this story

and because I can't help myself, a further story about its creation lmao

So, picture this; a year ago, a young(er) Ace at their second social engagement of the day, not including work. BG3 has just been released on the xbox so they have (understandably) been abandoned by their flatmate, who fully forgot that there was a party she'd been invited to. It might actually have been after midnight but they hadn't slept yet so like. Definitely still the 9th They have decided that it is Late and they must leave this party bc there are no buses left and it's like a half hour walk back to their flat (no, the thought of a taxi didn't cross their mind. the thought of a taxi never crosses their mind) Enter @kat-writes-things, whose house party it is. She doesn't want Ace to leave but accepts (eventually) that they ought to. Laments that they no longer work together because of Circumstances. Suggests a Bit about them being high fantasy protags torn apart by the cruel world. Star Crossed Lovers are mentioned. So are swords and wings. For the bit, you understand, Ace says their goodbyes and kisses Kat's hand because it is, they announced earlier, the beginning of their slut era (it was like stupid hot in Kat's flat and I was down to my vest mkays). Kat, not to be outdone, does the same and makes Ace promise to get home safely and they'll try and see each other again soon. Ace, as is the way their brain works, starts to write a scene on the way home. Super safe <3 Unable to let the bit go, it uh. It Expands somewhat and here we are!!

I know a little bit more and have written barely any consecutive (or even finished tbh) scenes

transcript of the slides under the cut!

Everything is in comic sans, black text against white

Slide 1; Shapeshifter WIP by Aces Malarky. That story I've been inconsistently yelling about for a year. Happy one year anniversary babe!! You only got sadder in the interim. But also please I beg you get a name it's been a year. I'm taking suggestions /jk (... maybe). *Almost everything in here is subject to change I'm still working it out lmao there have been. Distractions. (it's me I'm Distractions)

Slide 2; World?

Please. Please we're making this up as we go along

Furry-lite bc sometimes. Having wings 'n' antlers 'n' shit is just. rad af you know?

Kinda-sorta-mybe high fantasy but like. There's technology also.

If it pleases me to have, it's there essentially! And what pleases me right now is handwavy fantasy nonsense bc actually we're about characters in this household and I have never thought a day in my life <3

Slide 3; Plot?

Star crossed friends-to-lovers!

Close friends that jokingly flirt on the whole "babe/oh best beloved" kinda thing. Everyone assumes/is taking bets on their relationship status

No one gets to collect tho ahahaha

There is a war looming! They're spies! They're torn apart by their own decisions!

Of course Syn volunteers for going undercover. Ain't no spy like a spy that can't be identified for shit

Halliel is Less than Impressed but my god is she going to throw herself into it just as much

So starts a fraught game of "in over our heads", "who are we without each other", "surrounded by people but so alone", and the real kicker "what (who) am I willing to sacrifice"

Side of Betrayal that perhaps could have been seen coming! They attempt to save each other!

Slide 4; Characters? Those I can do you!

[img one; a person in waistcoat and trousers with purple hair and antlers. They have their hands clasped in front of them and are smiling slightly]

This is Syn

- they/them

- Gender; mischief

- In it for the bit

- Early mornings, late nights, no coffee

- Has a cat named Trixie

[img two; a person in black trousers and shirt with suspenders. They have their hands on their hips and are scowling. They have scales across their face, red horns and a tail]

This is also Syn

- AKA Lance

- Gender; bodyguard

- Less bark, trying not to bite

- Serious business sucks

- Friends? Never heard of 'em

[img three; a person in a white tunic and trousers, a black embroidered scarf around their neck. They have yellow glasses covering their eyes, dog-like ears and a tail]

This? Yeah, that's Syn

- AKA Vale

- Gender; touch starved

- What's another fake identity on top of everything

- It's about the longing

- A Soft and Mournful Reprieve

Slide 5; Also, Halliel is here!

We love Halliel, she has a sword

And wings

And manages to put up with Syn, somehow

Coping by throwing herself into work and taking on more responsibility

Trying to keep a semblance of normalcy

Doesn't want to admit she's struggling just yet

[img; a picrew of a lady with peach coloured wings wearing a green shirt. She has auburn hair to her shoulders and glasses]

Slide 6; Other Characters; Verial Edition

Not-Work Friends!!

Conly - She/her - maned-wolf, leggy, Halliel's greatest enabler

Kit - he/him - fox-formed, owner of the betting pool

Peri - he/him - bear formed, needs them all to be a little less energetic, please

Hail - she/her - hyena, always up for the bit

Gil - she/her - monkey, most likely to believe whatever the fuck Syn is saying now

Work Friends!

Caria - she/her - cat formed, Syn's greatest enabler

Ketch - ze/zir - lizard form, makes like all the plans

Gry - he/him - sika deer, trans lad!! For some reason looks up to Syn

Maj - she/her - angelic, most likely to keep them all on task

Bora - he/him - cat formed, #1 cause of drama

Darraeth - they/them - dog formed, voice of reason but also a slight pushover

Most of them knew Halliel first! Maj & Caria are in both groups. One of them is a surprise bastard for later :3

No of course I don't have pictures, what do you take me for? None of them have names until two months ago

Slide 7; Other Characters; Sallen Edition

Don't - don't ask why they have pictures when the others don't

Bryn!

[img; an older lady with yellow curved horns and a yellow tail, with yellow scales across her forehead and cheekbones. She has white hair and is wearing a white blouse under a brown cardigan and has thin glasses]

- Dragontouched grandmother to the masses

- Communiy lynchpin

- Plays the piano

- Here to help, but your business is your own

Jaiel

[img; a man with short blonde hair, wearing a green shirt and a gold necklace. He has dark brown wings and looks unimpressed]

- Crown prince

- Bit of a dick, really

- Just like casually moneyed and careless

- Picks Lance for his bodyguard bc dragontouched are rare

Neryd

[img; a lady with a tight blonde bun and antlers. She's wearing green and gold armour and is glaring]

- Jaiel's other bodyguard

Kinda Intense

Like, really loyal to the crown

Pissy about Lance being hired, sees it as a comment on her ability

Probably there will be others but idk yet

Slide 8; Further Vibes

Featuring such hits as;

The inability to ask for help! Maybe don't spill all the beans but my god are you allowed to make friends while on the job

- Maybe not all the friends. Pls be wary of some of the new friends. Consider that other people might have the same job as you

Sexual awakening at sword point

Requited love but my god you could have chosen a better time to realise you are both fools <3

Sometimes, choices suck

- And that time is always

Identity Crisis! Is it an Ace Malarky WIP if there isn't at least one? We may never know

Slide 9; Wait when you say Star Crossed-

Yeah about that it uh. It does not end well for our leads lmao my bad

Choices have to be made and, well:

Syn has a self-sacrifice streak a mile wide

Halliel has a burn-the-world-down-for-my-people streak also a mile wide

Do you see the problem here

Aw gee I wonder which one will win out!!

Sldie 10; In Conclusion;

Fucking wild that I have a plot at all, actually

This is a story of two friends, everything else is incidental

I just really wanted shapeshifter shenanigans I did not intend for it to get sad but alas

The Suckages struck

Also I found this song about two months before this wip started and oh it is the whole thing actually

[img; the album cover for Cast the Bronze by Raynes, which features an insect with wings made out of shapes in various browns]

(Syn's edition. I should find a Halliel song also tbh)

[vargaslovinghours]

Fandom: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (But really Vargas lol) Rating: Teen and up Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

What, exactly, did Scriabin take from Edgar when they separated?

My first multichapter fic for Vargas! :D Yay!

(Pls read Ch. 1 first - Ch. 2 is also recommended, but as long as you're caught up on the first, you're good to go!)

-----

Side B

What the fuck.

"It's, it's possible that if, maybe whatever happened earlier, whatever caused all that blood and for us to be knocked unconscious-"

What the fuck.

"-and if I suffered a head injury, then maybe-"

No. That's enough.

Scriabin pushed away from the closet door he'd defensively pressed himself up against and put his hands on Edgar's shoulders, which quieted him. He looked at him expectantly, with eyes that Scriabin somehow only just now realized were casually guarded, curious, uncertain in a way that denoted inexperience. That was so messed up, that was completely wrong. Edgar should've been on guard, absolutely, but only because he knew exactly what Scriabin was capable of. He really didn't want to look at him right now if this was what he was going to be seeing instead.

He spun him quickly and pushed him out the door before he could protest. He got one last look at those wide, confused eyes before he slammed the door behind him, bracing it shut with both hands for good measure.

What. The fuck. His head came forward, making a dull thud as his forehead connected with the door. He doesn't remember me? His fingers curled on the door. What does he mean he doesn't remember me?! How could he not know me?! One hand pushed through his hair; his scalp tingled and that was so weird, he felt it and it was so weird- We literally just- He literally just-! As if pulling him screaming into life wasn't bad enough, now he had decided to play some sick prank!

This can't be true. It's just like him to try and make jokes at the worst possible time, he has no tact.

There was a timid knock on the other side of the door. Scriabin jumped as it resonated through his skull, his elbow, pressed to the door with his hand buried in his hair, set his jaw. Then silence.

If he was really trying to get back in, clear things up, say he was only kidding, he'd actually try.

Nothing.

Scriabin's blood was ice as he went over it again. The way he'd said his name. The vacant look in his eyes as he said it, like his mouth knew its shape but none of the meaning. No fear, no realization, nothing that really felt like Edgar, just sound, just noise.

Maybe he really had-

Oh god. His knees gave out, and his arms had no practice at holding him upright, not yet. His hand slid down the door, his other hand guarding his head as his hair fluffed against the grain.

How could he do this

This is all his fault

Stupid, idiotic

He can't do this to me

I can't believe him

I can't believe this

How dare he leave me alone like this

Thoughts spiralling, and all he could do was hold himself down, press his fingers into the back of his neck, force his chest to his knees and maybe he wouldn't immolate under it all. He was shaking, from tension or fear he couldn't tell, his mind too hazardous and loud to cut through it all. He was shaking, dizzy, and if he moved, letting go would surely kill him.

He can't do this to me.

He breathed. And breathed. And swallowed. Eyes closed, heart pounding, sure. Confusion and dismay, whatever. Pain. Fine. So be it.

This isn't like me. A hand untethered from his vice grip in his hair, and he stayed attached to the floor. It connected with the carpet below him and became a new lifeline. He pushed up and away into a limp sit, arms already burning slightly from holding himself up after all that. He shook his head mildly. This isn't who I'm going to be in life. His body, this fear response be damned, he was in control now.

Regroup. Let's- a mental pause, barely a quarter of a second long as he turned the word in his head. Let's pretend it's all true- what does that mean?

He flopped over, leaned upright with his back against the door, heels of his fists pushed down into the carpet to scootch closer. Moving was so awkward still, very unfitting.

He was acting normal. Well, Edgar's baseline for "normal" had changed considerably, so maybe put an asterisk on that. Not that he was ever normal to begin with, but normal-for-Edgar, -ish. That means he has to have some memory.

Scriabin held out a hand, arm slung over his knee, one finger held out. He had recognized his glasses. One. The apartment. Two. Which key to use. Three. He had said Todd's name. Four.

His stuff can be discounted, he's had all that for a while. Back down to one. The kid is a new fixture. Which means he remembers the last couple months at least. He shook his head and brought his hand up to comb through his hair. Well...it's fuzzy for me, so it probably is for him, too. Scriabin remembered everything in as much clarity as the last couple months allowed, there was no way Edgar would know more even if he had all his memories.

Speaking of which, Scriabin could remember everything. He flipped through; the last two months and bringing Todd in, Edgar's parting words to Johnny, his and Devi's conversation - he grit his teeth - and further back, everything along the way, all the way back. False dreams, shared childhoods, everything that was once Edgar's alone, he still remembered it. Nothing was out of place which made it all the more strange!

This is so fucking weird, if I remember everything, then why would he-

He stopped short. His purported purpose had been to replace Edgar. Take him over completely. If he bought into the conceit for a moment, just to play in the space... He was alive now. That was not as intended; it shouldn't even have been possible.

Did he...give me his memories? Like, all the way? Not just to borrow, to shape him, give him legitimacy - he was alive now. His own person. Separate, embodied, and whole. Was this the price of life?

That's stupid. But possible, he couldn't discount. If this - he brought his hands up and looked down at them, watched himself touch his own chest and felt it beneath his coat, shirt, the nerves firing as his slid his fingers up himself - if this was possible, then...

He continued for a moment, curious and reverant, all of him new and privately exciting, to exist and to touch, to feel, smell, see, all of it clear and fresh and penetrated deeply into his mind, as if a layer of film had been lifted from his senses. The moment passed as the memories, unbidden but important, cluttered in around him again.

There were still a lot of questions, and most of them couldn't be answered without Edgar, ugh. If getting anything out of him before had been like pulling teeth, he was very sobered to think about how it might be now. Depending on how much Edgar remembered, maybe he could start piecing things together.

Did he do it on purpose? Did he know this would happen? There's no way he would have been willing to if he had- But he couldn't ask him things like that. Even if he did remember, admitting something like that...

He was just spinning his wheels at this point. Better to gather what he could from the man himself. He looked up, preparing to stand.

Ah-

The room was still in something of a state.

Edgar would be annoying, or at least distracted by trying to pick up the clothes and uncarefully unpacked items strewn about the floor from Scriabin's very successful excavation of his old glasses. The clutter would have to go if he wanted his full attention.

He grumbled as he pushed off the door to pick up the first few things. First day of life and I'm already his maid. Figures. He's always needed me to clean up after him.

Silence.

Somehow it only just hit him. Thinking alone in the late hours, planning things behind Edgar's back, it was nothing new. But a barb unsunk into his mental flesh was left out in the wide emptiness, poised to stab whoever happened upon it next, and he was the only one here.

He felt very small all of a sudden, and he didn't like it at all.

His eyes blankly scanned the room, looking for nothing, until they settled on the toy at Edgar's bedside. His toy.

He dropped the items he'd bundled into his arms and made his way over. He picked up the small simulacrum, turned it over in his hands once, and stared at it.

He wouldn't know this. Not really. He brushed a thumb up and over the little mouth, the contours of its small face. Retroactively, I've never been this at all.

I'm no one to him.

Does this mean we can start over? The thought struck him like lightning, freezing his heart in his chest. He was fixed solid, staring down at the small figure in his hands.

Before he could even think, he'd already thrown it through the open closet door, landing noisily in the box he'd dug through with a clatter. He grabbed up the fallen clothes and items and stuffed them back in the box, burying the toy in mundane detritus, then closed the cardboard flaps and slammed the door of the closet for good measure.

His breath was laboured and he glared, like wishing it gone would make the closet itself disappear.

Answers. He needed answers, more than anything.

He ripped the door open, and there was Edgar who looked up, staring dumbly back at him and carrying the clothes he'd shed earlier over his arm. Something in his mind clicked over, and he didn't think about it.

"Alright," he caught his breath for half a second, "what do you remember?"

Edgar just kept on staring, mouth open, eyes unconfident behind weak glasses. Scriabin huffed irritably, I don't have time for this, and moved towards him, arm outstretched.

"Come on." Edgar gave a small startled sound behind him as he grabbed his collar and dragged him through the doorway. He threw him across the room, not bothering to watch his arc as he closed the door behind him. The bed was that way, he'd be fine.

When he turned back, Edgar had managed to catch himself, though already halfway on the bed. Scriabin stood with his back to the door, feet planted and he crossed his arms. No more speculating around impossibilities, tangible and present as they might be, it was time for a proper interrogation. It was at least preferable to-

Edgar made a face at him and scooted back, offering a seat next to him on the bed. Equal footing briefly flashed through his mind and while he wouldn't consider it ideal, nothing today was really going his way. He sighed, then made his way over and sat across from Edgar, who was eyeing him with a certain degree of caution. At least the feeling was mutual.

"Spill." He re-crossed his arms and leaned towards Edgar. "What do you know?"

Edgar hesitated, apparently thinking, his hands laced and fingers agitatedly if quietly rubbing the backs of his hands.

"I want to verify some things first."

Scriabin snorted dismissively. Where had Edgar's overly-trusting nature gone? A serial killer, well he's an honoured guest, but Scriabin? He didn't even distrust him for the right reasons.

He gestured with an open hand, Go ahead, then tucked his arm back in.

"Todd's last name?"

Pfsh. At least it was proof enough that anything Edgar knew, Scriabin did as well. As expected.

"Casil. His stupid bear's called Shmee in case you forgot that too." Edgar shook his head. No he hadn't? If only he could just check!

"Do you know our phone number?" Obviously he did, so he rattled it off quickly, Edgar nodding in turn. He flipped his hair in time with the last digit, careful to keep his eyes covered. It was a bit of a timid attempt, being the first in this body, which was a minor blessing he supposed.

Edgar mulled over what he'd given him for a moment, then a moment longer, then a moment even longer. His eyes searched absently, gazing down into his own hand, his other on his chin, lightly thumbing his goatee. He was focused on names and numbers, but those were child's play compared to everything, everything Scriabin still wanted to know. It was frustrating on a visceral level, watching him struggle with such simple innocuous nothings while the most important person in his life was sitting right in front of him.

He was supposed to be the most important.

It was frustrating.

"You really don't remember anything, do you?" He didn't hide the sneer as it shaped his voice - odd the way his body just did that now, did things without him actively thinking them into being. Even things like the little waver that made its way in that he pushed back down and under. He was frustrated, angry, tired - any emotionality could be attributed to those, nothing else.

Edgar didn't answer, just kept his gaze locked to his face. That was almost worse. Watching him fumble through things, it wasn't fun, but at least he wasn't trying to pry. He could see him try to look past his bangs, and the fact that he didn't know better...

Scriabin looked away for a moment, then thought better of it. Best defense is a good offense.

He reached for Edgar's face, for those damn scars, ever-present reminders. Edgar shied away, not wanting to be touched suddenly by someone he didn't know. As if Scriabin had ever cared about that.

Well, things were different now. Maybe he didn't really want to touch him anyway. Not yet.

"Do you remember these...?" Instead he framed his face with his hands less than an inch from his skin, and even there he could feel the heat coming off him. Edgar reached for his face, looking away from Scriabin as he touched the angry red marks. He winced minutely, then glanced back at Scriabin, searching him, his expression guarded again. Scriabin could hear his own pulse in his ears.

"...Johnny?"

"Fuck." Fuck! "Of course you'd remember him but not me." God damn it! It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, just because Johnny came first by a hair's breadth, just because he wasn't in Edgar's head, with Edgar's fucked up little obsession with the murderous stick figure- It limited what he could get away with too, if he remembered that far back. Absolutely nothing was going in his favour.

"I'm sorry..." He sounded genuinely remorseful, and it stuck in his throat. Disgusting. "So you know Johnny, too."

"Unfortunately." Scriabin tucked his chin to his chest, arms crossed again in close proximity. This sucks. Edgar just kept rambling, unaware as ever. His excuses held this time at least, one point in his favour, no points for bringing his annoying habits with him despite everything.

"I don't think I've seen him for a couple months now? Everything's awfully..." He gave a vague gesture and Scriabin uncurled slightly. He was giving him room to contribute. He shook his head.

"You haven't."

"Have you?"

He returned to his tight coil of sulking. Not like he was keen to meet up and chat, but he couldn't explain why he hadn't had the opportunity to either.

"I remember he called, too."

"Ugh," barely above breath. Enough about Johnny! Again, Edgar continued obliviously.

"Although I don't really recall what we talked about, not for a while..."

Of course not. I took over for half of those.

He perked a bit, and Edgar focused more on him, patiently setting his hands in his lap.

"You know."

He could play this to his advantage. Give Johnny some well-deserved karmic justice for fucking him over so many times. It was almost better that Edgar didn't know - Scriabin had been trying to get him away from Johnny all this time, and if he really had forgotten everything, not just the moments when Scriabin took over but every moment they had shared, then that meant it coincided almost perfectly with his first meeting with Johnny. Blank spot after blank spot after blank spot, all lined up immediately after getting his face slashed.

He could work with that.

"It's probably trauma." Edgar startled and his hand shot to his temple, lightly touching his hair.

"Like, head trauma?" Scriabing almost laughed. Yeah, probably that too. But that wouldn't help his case.

"No." He leaned in, taking a more intimate, secretive tone. "Think about it. When did things start getting fuzzy?" If he was right on this - which of course he was, but not being able to verify, not being able to see that he was right, it was disconcerting - but if he was, Edgar's memories of Scriabin should start with that first fateful encounter, give or take. A bit of reframing here, a touch of implication there... It probably wasn't even an outright lie; if Edgar's memory were perfect after experiencing everything Johnny had put them through, that would be some kind of twisted miracle.

His only real concern was their "childhood" - how much had Scriabin pulled with him? Would that throw off his story? But that was so far back, there was no way Scriabin or Johnny could be implicated in that. As long as Edgar didn't bring it up before he thought his way around it...

Edgar stayed quiet for a long while. His eyes raced behind closed eyelids, searching, scanning, retracing - Scriabin could almost see the moments where he hesitated, stopped and went back, then starting recollecting again. He wished he could see it for real, watch him unfold himself, touch those memories again, hold up his own in contrast. Even just hear Edgar's thoughts as they went by, feel the emotions he felt. But he couldn't, so he just stared as unblinkingly as this new body would allow, just watched as Edgar went over everything on his own.

He finally opened his eyes, staring back into Scriabin's though he was sure they were still hidden. He felt naked and awkward and Edgar still hadn't said anything. If he could just see like he was supposed to, or if Edgar would just tell him, he wouldn't have to ask. I have to do everything around here.

"It was after you met him, wasn't it?"

"You think it's...mental trauma?" An unspoken 'yes.' Relief flooded him, and he pushed ahead.

"Edgar. He stabbed you." Edgar gripped his shoulder, his eyes closing again and he looked to be in pain. That was a very effective reminder at least. "Do you even know why?" He shook his head and spoke throught half-grit teeth.

"I must have made him mad, but I don't remember-" Of course not, I did that.

"Your mind is trying to protect you." Not. But one of us has to with your inexhaustable deathwish. Scriabin reached out to touch him properly, but Edgar pulled away. He didn't follow, still not yet. Play up the pity. "He messed you up so bad," with a curl in his tone, an I told you so that barely made it to words even privately; how long had he been holding that in? "Surely you must've felt like you wanted, you needed to get away from him, that he wasn't good for you, that you-" He'd told him so many times, some it must have stuck, some of it had to have-

"Then-!" Edgar's eyes shot open, wide and desperate with an edge of disbelief. A strangled gasp escaped him, half-choking him as he tried to speak. "Then why can't I remember you?!"

He almost began rolling off the cuff, but really, he still didn't know for sure. And it definitely wasn't like he could tell the truth even if he wanted to; who, who hadn't lived it, would believe him? Edgar certainly wouldn't, not with his lack of imagination. He had to dress this up, weave a narrative that was plausible, had the perfect mix of truth and falsehood to stand up to scrutiny.

Huh. Ironic.

"I..." No. Some of this was Edgar's fault too. "We...argued."

"Argued?"

"I... Mng." He wanted to aim for some kind of levity, but his throat had tightened on him. He just wanted to tell this stupid inside joke and not have it affect him, not have it mean anything, and here he was getting emotional? He'd say it and fucking mean it. "It's not like I'm in your head, so-" spat out in a rush, there, he'd said it. Haha, isn't that so funny. He swallowed harshly, pushing down everything he felt into his stomach acid. He was in control. He was fine. This didn't shake him. "I can't know for sure," another humourless laugh inside, "but I was against your relationship with Johnny. Maybe you shut me out so you could keep seeing him with no pushback."

It certainly wasn't outside the realm of possibilities of what Edgar would do to avoid taking Scriabin's extremely basic advice about fraternizing with serial killers. How many times had he been ignored up to this point, only to culminate in the ultimate 'I don't know what you're talking about.' Pfeh. I bet he wishes he'd thought of this sooner. It did nothing for his painfully stuttered pulse.

"You know, I've been trying to convince you to stop going back to him for a while, but, well..." He waved his hand at Edgar's hand still death gripped into his shoulder, and Edgar averted his eyes guiltily. At least he showed some remorse. Better than his nigh constant apologia.

He stayed quiet a moment longer, and just before Scriabin made to fill the silence again, Edgar struck him with an intense look.

"What are you to me?" Ugh. Of course. There was not a single good answer for that. Even if he told him everything- no, especially if he told him everything, there was no way Edgar would believe him. But coming up with a convincing lie on the spot, when they were so clearly something to each other - even he needed time to come up with something workable. How could he have ever prepared for a situation like this? It was never meant to happen, so many things were never meant to happen!

He continued at Scriabin's silence. "You know Nny," Ugh! Even his awful nickname. "And Todd. And...me." He couldn't refute it, so he nodded tightly. "Do you live here?"

Technically he had, and technically he hadn't. Still, going forward, it would be easier to let Edgar assume that he did. It wasn't like he had anywhere else to go at the moment anyway.

"Yes."

"Are we..." He searched him, looked him over as much as he could and he wasn't subtle about it. If only Scriabin had his proper glasses, he'd let him look as much he wanted, behold his spectacle! As it was, he just felt self-conscious and it was very unbefitting. "...family?"

The baggage on that. He did not feel like opening that particular can of worms in either of their current states. He turned his head and flipped through any number of halfway decent ways to phrase it until he hit on something Edgar would remember. Better not to contradict for now.

"You told Johnny you have no family when you met."

"That's true..." Edgar blinked, processing. "Wait, did I tell you that?" Scriabin startled. Even after he'd accounted for his memory! Of course he had to pick his story apart now, he never knew when to leave well enough alone.

"When you-" No, he had to be involved. "When we bandaged your face."

Edgar mulled on that for a few seconds, taking on a thoughtful pose. "I only remember being alone."

"You don't remember me at all. What do you want from me?" He huffed.

"No, sorry, you're right."

"Thank you." He was right!

Where had Edgar expected him to be? There was something weird about how he'd said it. He filed the thought away for later.

"So, if you've been living here, where..." Edgar looked around the room, then back to Scriabin. "Where have you been sleeping? Todd's already on the couch..."

Scriabin couldn't help as a smile sprung to his face. If he was going to present him with such a perfect opportunity, well, he'd better take it. He even had the decency to look nervous in response! This was too good.

"Would you believe me if I said right here, in bed?" He again tucked his chin, playfully this time, his hair falling further in his eyes. Even through the dark tangles he could make out Edgar's face immediately bristling with heat.

Ooh. That's such a fetching shade on you, my dear.

"But-! I, I haven't been sleeping on the floor!" He was visibly sweating!

"Correct." His smile grew. This was too easy, and he needed an easy win right about now.

"W-" He leaned forward on his legs, though refused to get any closer. When he spoke it was a harsh whisper. "Why...?"

Scriabin shrugged easily, not bothering to reign in his smile in the least. "I mean, where else, right?" He leaned in since Edgar refused to, and oh. He was blushing all the way up to his scalp. Hilarious. "You certainly didn't seem to mind." He couldn't hold back the slightly musical tone or his eyebrows inclination to move on their own. His body knew what he was getting at, and he could see it only increased Edgar's fluster. All the better.

"Well I do now!" Edgar darted up and away, stumbling in his hasty retreat. "If you'll excuse me!" though he was already practically in the hallway by the time he said it. What a display, and Scriabin's laugh was loud and natural.

Finally, something positive. He'd managed to fumble his way through, not his best work in lying or manipulation, but he'd set some important groundwork. He'd gotten some answers, and he could start to shape some more believable stories around them.

The biggest hurdles were Johnny and Devi. As long as Edgar didn't meet with them too soon - or well, at all would be preferable, but he doubted he could just keep him locked up, as much as the idea appealed to him. There were so many things that were possible now, things that he had the ability to do, given the right circumstances... All of that in due time. For now he had a yarn to spin.

He listened as Edgar fumbled in the hall, the sheer sound of cloth being pulled and folded over an arm barely perceptable. Was he really going to try to sleep on what little was left over? Maybe he'd give up once he realized the pickings were thin and beg Scriabin to let him sleep with him. Hah.

While he was out, Scriabin made his way over to the pajamas drawer. They were all old and soft, even just to his hand. They'd do for now, until he could get his own. It wasn't like he hadn't worn all this before anyway.

By the time he'd finished dressing, his clothes discarded on the opposite side of the bed to where Edgar had set up his little nest, Edgar had finally gotten himself a set of pajamas. He wondered for a moment if he'd dress with Scriabin in the room again, though maybe his intense stare drove him off. Who could say. He patted the bed with a wide grin when he returned and was dutifully ignored. He settled down to the side, and Scriabin laid on his arms to look down at him.

"Ugh, lame."

"I don't-"

"Yeah, whatever." He'd heard it all before. At least he could literally look down on him like this. He folded his hands and leaned just a bit further, looking him over. A desire he hadn't realized he had surfaced in the dark and quiet. "Give me your hand."

"Sorry?" Scriabin held out his hand expectantly.

"I used to hear your heart beat every day." Edgar looked at him incredulously, but Scriabin was unperturbed. "Let me hear it again."

He hesitated but eventually slowly offered his arm. "...Okay."

He pulled his arm up and placed his thumb against his wrist. He felt a strange mismatch - where he'd been expecting one heartbeat, there were two. He covered his surprise, near shock at the realization that of course he had his own body now, by pulling harder on Edgar's arm, directing him up to his ear.

"Wh-"

"Shh." Quietly. He had wanted this, wanted this body, this separation, this freedom for so long, and now... He spoke quietly, his voice betraying nothing. "I'm listening."

Edgar's pulse was erratic, but he hardly paid attention to it. His own fingers on Edgar's skin, warm and pliant, and Edgar's fingers twitching in his hair, he could feel it, he was trying not to touch him- This hesitation was killing him, every jerky movement away not from fear of what Scriabin could do to him, just uncertainty, like he was still a stranger- He pressed him harder to his head, and he could feel goosebumps under his fingers. He wanted to just hold him there until all the memories they'd shared poured back through him, into his blood, into his breath.

Where are you?

But he replied in that same uncertain, guarded tone that indicated he didn't know, not really.

"C...can I have my arm back now?"

He pushed him away. "Fine." Edgar curled his hand protectively against his chest, and he noticed he rubbed it slightly, he probably hadn't even realized.

He mumbled out a harried "Good night," and it was almost enough to make Scriabin smile. Almost. He could still affect him but this wasn't enough, it wasn't right.

He laid his head on the pillow, not bothering to pull his arm up over the side of the bed. If he twitched in the night and touched Edgar, well, that could mean anything. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he did it on purpose. Plausible deniability was one of his greatest assets.

As it was, he was just tired. Maybe he didn't pull it back because he hated the thought of sleeping alone, pushed out and forgotten, and hated it more that he was even thinking something like that. How pathetic. He didn't need anyone, especially not Edgar.

But he was tired. Not in his right mind.

Does this mean we can start over...?

The thought echoed and died, and he slept.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hmmmmm maybe the answer to my merguru crisis was just to take breaks by writing other stuff…….. feels like i suddenly have a lot more motivation