#anyways I just had to Yell i get so tired of it

[nerdlvr]

"come in, come in!" a familiar face greeted him, only this time with his hair dyed pink, "jaemin... right?"

he smiled as the boy's face lit up, cheeks matching his hair.

"the hair's nice by the way." he pointed up to his hair, watching as jaemin's smile dropped, "i will make out with you if you let me-"

"enough-" renjun, the short one, stopped jaemin, poking his side to make him go away, "excuse him, he's a little-" he shot jaemin a cold glare, hushing his whines, "deranged-"

"oh my goodness!" your soft yell filled the living space, heat rising to his cheeks at the sound of you.

"my kitty!" he smiled in your direction, lifting an awkward hand to greet you.

"my hyuckie! i'm so glad you could make it!" you strode towards him, arms quickly wrapping around his waist to pull him in for a hug.

he was stiff of course, but he tried his best to wrap his arms around your shoulders, pulling you against him. his eyes moved down to look at you, ignoring the glances jaemin and renjun exchanged.

"you know i'll always come when you call." you lifted your gaze, chin pressing against his chest as you spoke, "and i'll always only call for you baby."

he chuckled nervously, clearing his throat as you detached from him, slightly readjusting his pants.

"so how are we gonna study?"

you only just now noticed his full bag, textbooks sticking out from the top, "uhhh, i had more of a hands on approach- come with me!" you reached your arm out, squeezing softly as he took your hand.

your slippers scraped across the floor as you led him towards your room, door swinging open as soon as you both approached.

"donghyuck-ah! you're here- oh that outfit-" she reached for the fabric of his t-shirt, "lets get you changed- yes?"

you waved her off, "i think hair first- you brought button ups anyways so it won't mess with whatever jeno does."

oh right, he's here.

as if he had been summoned, jeno appeared next to giselle, his figure looming over her's, "i'll take it from here then-" his eyes followed where your hands met, an eyebrow raising in your direction, "if you let him go, of course."

you let go of donghyuck's hand quickly, pushing him slightly towards jeno, "yes- yes, go ahead- take care of him!"

.

"sit-" the larger boy gestured towards the chair.

he sat down hesitantly, hands seeking warmth under his thighs.

"so what are we doing today? bleach and tone? highlights? blowout? perm?" jeno scrolled through his phone as he spoke, voice bored.

"uh, maybe just like a simple style- i'm not sure, definitely no chemicals though."

jeno finally met his eyes through the mirror, hands coming up to squeeze donhyuck's shoulders, "you're bland."

donghyuck couldn't hide his confusion, eyebrows raising at jeno's comment, "w-what?"

"i said you're bland. i'm shocked y/n isn't tired of you by now- toys are supposed to be fun. and quite frankly-" he got close to donghyuck's ear, voice quiet, "you aren't even all that attractive."

he bit his lip nervously, looking towards the mirror to catch jeno's wide smirk.

"just a simple style it is then!" he ruffled his hair before turning to grab his equipment.

what the fuck just happened.

.

"he looks amazing!" you fidgeted in your spot, hands clapping softly.

"go ahead. wait-" giselle held her hand up slightly, "but don't touch him too much, the shirt's gonna wrinkle."

you stuck your tongue out at her, turning your focus to donghyuck, "do you like it?"

your warm smile made his stomach jump, cheeks growing warm under your gaze, "y-yeah i look- different."

your hands reached up to rub his arms, trying to calm his nerves, "different is good- you look good."

he smiled meekly, glasses slipping down slightly as he stared down at you, "thank you kitty."

a loud cough resonated throughout the bedroom, "we're leaving!" giselle laughed awkwardly, reaching towards the boys to push them out of the room, "come on guys, our work is done-"

"wait-" renjun reached towards haechan's face, fingers gently pulling his glasses off his face, "can't see the eye makeup with these thick glasses-"

giselle and jaemin gathered around him, "am i giselle of jaemin?" there was a loud slap against jaemin's chest, "idiot of course he can tell you're a man- hyuck how many fingers am i holding up?"

giselle and jaemin's banter seemed to fade into the background as he watched you and jeno from across the room. jeno's figure lean in towards you, talking in a hushed tone.

if it wasn't for his blurry vision he could've sworn jeno was talking about him, head tilting slightly in donghyuck's direction as he spoke.

"giselle- stop poking him." his attention turned back to your group of friends, renjun beginning to lecture jaemin and giselle, "this is why we can't have nice things- when was the last time y/n let us meet her actual boyf-"

"out! thank you so much! i love you all! now please leave my apartment!" you raised your voice, pointing towards the door.

donghyuck bowed as they each walked out of your room, not missing how jeno glanced at him, lips quirked up in a smirk.

.

"okay so then what do i do?" you leaned in closer to donghyuck, eyes trained on the camera in front of you both.

"you can change the lens filter here-" he clicked on some buttons, "this is how you zoom-" more button clicking.

your eyes followed the length of his fingers, soft veins bulging as he held the camera.

"uh-uh huh." you nodded your head dumbly, eyes nowhere on the camera.

"kitty-" his voice was sweet, your eyes moving up to meet his.

his eyes were soft, slightly dark from the makeup, his cheeks tinged pink from the proximity.

"kitty, just make sure the camera isn't out of focus okay?"

his smile made your chest feel funny, your face growing warm, "right- just- okay we can start- go stand over there."

you backed away from him, turning your focus to the camera as you took it from his hands.

"let me know how i should pose okay?"

you nodded quietly, face already pressed against the camera.

why were your hands so sweaty?

⋆₊˚⊹.𖥔 zoom, click, panic ! -> 13. music production

previous -> masterlist -> next

notes : and the crowd.... goes boo? i'm back!!! after long thought and consideration ik what the angst plot is LMAO,, jeno is not like a villain or anything dw but shits gonna get fucked up but... not soon... someday though... be alert...

taglist : @sunghoonsgfreal , @hizhu , @axo-l0tl , @strawberrysavi , @hyucktion , @4yunogf , @jakesbubu , @gacktsa , @iheartjayke , @annoyednblax , @luvvhaechan , @dudekiss3r , @nanaxwi , @yesohhsehun , @soobinbunnie5 , @hyucksunset , @peterm4rker , @byeonwooseokabs , @kodasity , @hyuckmoon , @catdonut657 , @lionzyon , @luvandletter , @defzcl , @nneteyamss , @222brainrot , @1lovejinki , @zzurao , @catpjimin , @multifandomania , @docilismo , @cyjzzl , @livingdoll-hara , @this-is-lowkey-a-hyuck-fanpage , @ohwowzersthatscool , @babyjenono , @wonswondrland , @jenoleeaesthetic , @bananinhazz , @hyuckna25 , @doejaejung , @angeliqueiguess , @mymartiniblue , @aerivrs , @heyitsbreeeeee , @choizzn , @jae-n0 , @hyuckshinee , @whothefvckami , @snoopyjimin

[haikyu-mp4]

The Drink

word count; 923 – f!reader, part 2 of this

When you duo arrived at the small bar, you each took one side of a booth. Kenma quickly stood up again, offering to buy two beers. "Thanks, Kyanma," you said, using a silly nickname that made said man look over his shoulder with a surprisingly soft glare.

The seat beside you dipped a minute later, and you looked over to see a guy named Kuroo Tetsuro, an acquaintance of yours. "Hey! Y/n, right?" His aura immediately lit up the room.

"Indeed. How are you, Tetsu?" You immediately started the small talk. Facing each other on the same seat, you talked like you knew each other much better than you did.

"I'm great! Are you here alone?" He tilted his head in question, gesturing to the seat across from you where Kenma’s bag stood. Kuroo did a double-take, recognising the bag with a little Pokeball keychain on the zipper. Not even a second after he realised who it belonged to, Kenma walked up to the table with a glass of beer in each hand. You only observed wide-eyed when you couldn't read what Kuroo was thinking. "Kyaaanma!"

When Kuroo yelled, sounding happy to see him, Kenma tripped slightly and spilt some beer on the floor before steadying the two cups. He looked up, confusion switching to timid annoyance. "Kuroo," Kenma responded, not nearly as loudly. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Kuroo answered with raised eyebrows, looking from his friend to you and back. Kenma sat down with his head hanging low so that his friend wouldn't notice the blush that exploded on his cheeks. He slid one beer to you, and you took it gratefully.

"Thanks! How do you know each other?" you asked, noting that Kenma seemed less than happy to see the charismatic man who sat beside you and you wouldn't have imagined that they hung out.

"Best friends, knowing how you two know each other is much more interesting."

"We studied together in the library and decided to get a drink." You kept the explanation short. Surely he didn't need to know about your sweet conversations and stolen glances.

Kuroo nodded weirdly as if he wanted to say something he couldn't. "You were ready to go back to bed from the second you woke up today, Ken. What happened?"

Kenma knew he couldn't stop himself from answering, but he also couldn't admit that you had any influence on him. "The beer here is cheaper, and I fancied a beer," he stated, keeping it simple.

"Okay, I see." Kuroo was, unfortunately for Kenma, terrible at hiding his emotions. "I won't interrupt your rendezvous then; See you both another day!" He smiled from Kenma and back to you, wiggling his eyebrows for emphasis, and walked away after you bid him goodbye. Kenma kept thinking, is this a rendezvous? But defining it fell to the back of his mind when you started telling him a funny story about something you did with a friend the other day.

Kuroo was impressed because this woman somehow had Kenma smiling warmly every time he looked over at you two. His best friend looked at you like he didn't necessarily want to go home and sleep just yet.

After you downed at least two beers each, the conversations became weirder and weirder. Everything from giraffes being tall horses to worrying about the environment was on the table. "I just don't think our generation will ever be able to make up for it anyway, no matter the efforts we make," Kenma said holding up his new drink and keeping a serious face.

"Not with that attitude, we won't," you answered, grinning at how clever you thought you were. Several hours had gone by, and you didn't grow tired of each other at all. It was almost like you were on the same wavelength. Kuroo had made his way home a while ago after telling you not to do anything he would do. That won't be a problem; you have way too much energy for me to copy anything you do, Kenma answered him.

"I'm telling you too much," the man mumbled into his glass as he took another sip, smiling and thinking about how he didn't mind it at all.

"You're smiling too much as well. It's crazy." You understood what kind of person Kenma was, and somehow managed to say exactly the right things to keep him interested.

"It's all intentional. I have you exactly where I want you," he said, voice a little raspy and teasing as a tiny smirk fell on his face. You fought your own body to stay in your seat, instead of leaning all the way over the table.

"Oh, you do? Then why are your cheeks so warm, kitten?"

"Don't call me kitten. I'm too cool."

"Cool guys aren't always good guys, though." It looked like there was something more behind your words, making Kenma want to learn more about you. Learn everything.

"Well, I'm not a particularly good guy," his answer was serious, but his eyes were warm and welcoming to you.

"I feel like there is a little kitten in you, Kenma," you argued, voice weirdly serious aside from the hint of teasing.

"You haven't unlocked that level yet."

"Challenge accepted."

"How about you? Is there a little lion in you, y/n?"

"Let's just say I'm not exactly a good girl," you smirked, somehow still looking sweet and soft to Kenma, and he answered with an amused smile.

"Challenge accepted."

The Schoolyear Series ║ masterlist

[tinystepsforward]

ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".

like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!

on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.

returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body

literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence

[cranberrymoons]

.

[morningmask27]

Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime

[derelictheretic]

sorry I keep forgetting about tag games and dm's etcetera I am in the not real mental state time

[milf-harrington]

where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

[salsflore]

everyday i wake up and have to start a new boss challenge called dealing with my mother

[parm4carm]

i haven’t had a good night’s sleep in over a month and it’s slowly driving me insane 😀

[running-in-the-dark]

help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)

[hl-obsessed]

.

[mars-ipan]

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

You know this time next year, when I haven't spoken to mum in months and I'm not coming home for xmas, I hope she thinks back on days like today and is like "yeah that's probably the reason he went no contact"

[freebooter4ever]

The nice thing about living five minutes away from work is that if i ever forget something its not the end of the world i just drive home during lunch and pick it up ^_^ i wish our public transport/cities in the US prioritized this over the strange suburban sprawl we seem dedicated to

[mikmaqs]

becoming an adult soon and feeling weird about it

[kurthorton-moving]

feeling very 🧍‍♂️ may not be around for a bit