#anyways I don’t want to bluntly tell her I don’t want us to be friends anymore cos I see her weekly at our Islamic circle

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 76

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe: Military School

Words: 5K

TW: Abuse Mention

Masterlist

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Saturday, March 26; 9:00 PM – Jenni and Alexia's apartment.

The evening is underway. We're at Jenni's since her apartment is the closest to The United. Needless to say, our friend is well-stocked with beer for the girls' enjoyment. We ordered takeout – Chinese food, to keep things simple. The others left us about an hour ago to enjoy their own evening. We started ours by playing a few rounds of car racing games on Jenni's PlayStation. The games went on until our stomachs started growling. I think Mapi was mostly tired of Alexia beating us. It seems like she's had a bit more practice than we have. So now we're eating, and I took the opportunity to share the good news I received today.

"And so, she’s willing to take you on at her gallery?" Ale asks. "That’s crazy. Small world, huh?"

"We're not complaining," Mapi replies with her mouth full.

She swallows before continuing:

"We were starting to worry you wouldn’t be with us next year."

"Oh no. I was more worried about ending up with nothing. I don’t think I would have left anyway..."

"But is this thing certain?" Ale asks.

"Supposedly. She wants me to visit the gallery and spend a weekend there to see if it works for both of us."

"That’s cool. At least you’ll get a feel for it."

"Yeah, exactly! Plus, she’s a woman running the gallery alone, which suits me even better."

"Yeah, that’s great news," Alexia comments, though with a hint of sadness.

My remark brings about a short silence. I take a deep breath and uncross my legs, placing them on the ground. It was now or never. I mean, there wasn’t a better opportunity.

"I think I’m ready to talk to you about it, girls."

They were both focused on their little boxes of Chinese noodles before I sparked their interest. Neither could hide their surprise.

"You don’t have to," Mapi says first. "I’ve lived in silence for over a year, and I’m fine with that."

"No. Well, no, I don’t have to. But I managed to talk to Lucy about it, so I feel ready to talk to you now. I know you won’t judge me or anything like that anyway."

"That’s the last thing we’d do," Ale replies. "But like Mapi said, don’t feel obligated. Lucy knows, so it’s already a big step for you to have opened up once."

"It’s not about opening up anymore. It’s that you two are my best friends, and I want you to know what destroyed me one day."

They nod in understanding.

"It’s just that if there are two people I’m going to tell this story to, it’s you two."

"Okay," Mapi says first. "Well, if you want to know, I’ve been looking for the truth about all of this for a long time, even though I’ve come up with plenty of scenarios in my head. That piece of garbage Feli still managed to destroy my best friend."

I give a sad smile. It took me a while to understand, but I wasn’t the only one affected by my change in behavior.

"That scumbag, as you put it, abused me for almost a year," I say bluntly, without beating around the bush.

I owed it to myself to do it this way, or my resolve would have evaporated. Still, I can’t bring myself to meet their eyes. I keep my gaze fixed on my box of food, resting on my knees.

"What do you mean, abused...?" Ale murmurs.

"She got angry because of the drugs, and I paid the price... I won’t go into the details. Even Lucy doesn’t know. She ended up figuring it out after my fight with Korbin. I had completely shut down and didn’t want her to treat me at the time, until she understood what was happening."

My throat tightens at the memories resurfacing. It’s harder than I imagined. Alexia, sitting beside me, places her hand on my knee for support.

"I—I didn’t mean to push people away. I just couldn’t stand being touched or approached anymore. I feel vulnerable around people..."

"Oh my God, you poor thing... I didn’t realize it was that bad. So... she hit you?" she asks uncertainly.

I lift my head to see them looking at me with sadness. I sigh and stand up. I don’t like feeling pitied, but I knew what to expect when I started this topic. My back is turned when Mapi speaks before I can answer.

"She did more than that, didn’t she? How far did that bitch go? I mean, you were so strong before. I never would’ve imagined someone could break you like that."

A few tears escape me. I quickly wipe them away. Mapi’s the only person who can guess the full extent of what she did. No one else here knew the Ona from before. So bold and rebellious.

"She did a lot of things I regret," I whisper.

I turn around and lift my sweater to show them my scars. Their gasps fill the room. Some are burn marks, often from cigarettes. Others are knife wounds that struggled to heal properly, as I was never able to treat them. Looking back, I think some of them should have required hospital care. But I never went. It would have meant reporting Feli and going back home. I feel foolish for never doing it now.

"I’ve never seen those," Mapi admits breathlessly.

"Well, if you think about it, I haven’t undressed in front of you since I got back," I point out.

I was never shy with Mapi since she was my high school girlfriend. We used to undress and change in front of each other without any issues before all this.

"The only time you could’ve seen them was at the pool a few months ago, but you were too busy with Ingrid and Joan," I add with a small smile to lighten the mood.

"Oh yeah, that day," she replies. "But wait, you had trouble going to the pool then?" she realizes with shock.

I bite my lip and nod.

"I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t say anything because everyone was so excited. Lucy scolded me in the changing rooms when you all left. She didn’t know no one else had seen them except her... She reassured me and made me feel comfortable before joining you all."

"Oh my God! But why didn’t you say anything?"

"It’s fine, I’m not dead," I joke. "Lucy is slowly helping me feel more comfortable in my body..." I add, blushing.

She’s the first person I allowed to see me in my underwear, practically at the start of our relationship. Granted, I was in bad shape and in a tough spot because of my withdrawal, but I could have refused her help. Somehow, she managed to earn my trust quickly.

"Does she know she abused you?"

I blush even more than before. Mapi never holds back. I can’t even contradict her because we both know she’s right. I had no shame or fear before Feli.

"No," I whisper. "I told her no to avoid her pitying me. She was already worried enough about everything else."

"You can’t hide that from her," Mapi protests.

Her reaction surprises me, and I’m at a loss for words. It’s such a sensitive topic. I’m already pushing myself to talk to her about it, so telling Lucy... the person I share my bed with... is asking a lot. The worst part is that this happened frequently because of Feli’s violence. She had hormone surges she wanted to satisfy, and I was powerless. I often thanked the drugs for helping me forget half of those moments. Seeing my distress and disconnection, Ale steps in to help me.

"Stop, Mapi. This isn’t an easy thing to discuss, especially not with her girlfriend," she defends me.

"What? If I were in her shoes, I’d want to know!" Mapi retorts.

"Please don’t say that," I reply, feeling some remorse now. "I didn’t want her to pity me about this, or worse, to hold back. I wanted everything to happen at my own pace, with her help, and that’s what happened. »

Ale nods in understanding, while Mapi crosses her arms. I sigh at that.

“I was planning to tell her after our first time, but I’m afraid she might take it badly, or... I don’t know... Her reaction scares me a little.”

“She would have every reason to take it badly,” Mapi grumbles. “She would’ve reacted differently if she’d known!”

“And that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. You know very well I hate being pitied! That’s not how she would’ve helped me!”

Mapi dramatically sighs and rolls her eyes. I understand her frustration. Mapi is the only one who knew me before all of this. She hates that I’ve become so secretive. I guess she expected me to open up at least with the woman who shares my life so she could take care of me. But this is still my choice.

“And what exactly does she know? And since when? Because if even she doesn’t know everything, I’m not sure how to help you anymore.”

“Come on, you’re exaggerating. She’s known a lot for a while. She knows I was a junkie and that I lived in abandoned places with Feli and the other addicts.”

“She knows why you ran away?” Mapi snaps with a certain bitterness.

“Yes, she knows about my dad’s death in combat, and how close we were. She also knows about the communication problems with my family, especially with my mom... Even though that’s a lot better now.”

“And she knows she was violent?”

“Yes, since Korbin, she knows. Like I said before, she’s the only one who will ever know the details of every one of my scars.”

I say this preemptively to stand my ground. I understand she’s still worried about me after hearing all of this, but she has no right to question my choices. Not about Lucy, nor about what I choose to tell her. Mapi narrows her eyes for a moment before sighing in defeat.

“Fine,” she mutters.

“Lucy has helped you a lot...”

I give a sad smile to Alexia, who seems a bit shocked. The poor thing just learned a lot all at once. I had never told her any of this before. To my surprise, she doesn’t resent me for keeping it from her, judging by the way she continues.

“I remember the first day we met. You brushed me off like never before,” she laughs. “I thought I was in for a rough year, and that we’d never be friends given the anger coming off you…”

The way I acted when I met Alexia is one of my biggest regrets. We’ve become very close since then. Alexia just wanted a friend, having never had one before, and I’m glad she can now count me as one.

“But in the end...” she continues. “Once you faced Lucy, I saw that anger disappear. I don’t know how she did it, but she really helped you work through a lot.”

My shoulders slump at this truth. She understands what my girlfriend has done for me. I nod softly to confirm.

“Yes… That’s exactly what happened. She pushed me physically and mentally with punishments… Yet she always listened and supported me. I questioned myself so many times because of her, and I started to trust her. Once she realized that, she began to rebuild me.”

“You see,” Alexia turns to Mapi. “You’re scolding her for not opening up enough… But I think Lucy already knows.”

“Why do you say that?” my best friend asks, frowning.

“Because Ona has never needed to speak for Lucy to understand that something is wrong.”

I sit at these words. If I were honest with myself, I’d say that’s exactly what I hoped for from Lucy. I pushed her away so many times when things got serious, hoping she’d figure out what I’d been through. Unfortunately, she’s never brought it up. So I don’t know if she knows.

“I’m sorry,” Mapi says. “You’re probably right, Ale. I was so jealous at first of how easily she reads you when I’m supposed to know you best… So yeah… She probably already knows, if I could figure it out.”

“I hope so,” I murmured. “I don’t want to say it out loud.”

“Do you still have trouble with people in general?” Mapi asks me.

“No... Well, school and Lucy in particular have helped me open up to the world again. I still push people away sometimes when they surprise me with touch, but it’s happening less and less. We’re working on it a lot.”

“With Lucy?”

“Yes. She’s helping me regain my confidence. In fact, I finally gave myself to her last week.”

“She’s really had a lot of patience. Kudos to her, because I would never have been able to do what she’s done in such a short time.”

“Totally,” Ale agrees. “It’s no wonder you’re so close. Even if you two hadn’t gotten together, I think you’d have maintained a strong bond that the other students wouldn’t understand.”

“Speaking of school, I forgot to tell you, but Wiegman knows,” I said.

The girls look at me without any visible reaction, taking a moment to process what I said.

“Who’s Wiegman?” Mapi responds.

“What do you mean Wiegman knows?!” Ale exclaims.

“Wiegman knows,” I repeat with a small laugh. “Wiegman is the school principal, and she knows. My management professor, who has a crush on Lucy, talked about us to Wiegman. Lucy was there to hand in her resignation letter, and she confessed. She didn’t want to lie, especially since she was about to leave anyway.”

“Wow!” Mapi exclaims. “She’s lost it!”

“But what happened? Are you two getting expelled?”

“No. We think the fact that she knows my mom helped a lot. She also took Lucy’s resignation into account. Since we’re at the end of the school year, she’s letting us finish, and I’m allowed to continue my evening classes since they’re part of my apprenticeship,” I explain with a shrug. “We just have to keep being discreet because if any student finds out, she won’t be able to do anything to stop us from getting expelled.”

“Wow!” Ale exclaims. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yep. So… Wiegman knows,” I sighed.

“Lucy really took some big risks.”

“I know. I felt bad when she told me, but it just goes to show that honesty pays off.”

“And when did all of this happen?”

“Yesterday.”

“And then you say nothing interesting happens in your life,” Mapi mutters to Ale, who bursts out laughing.

“Alright, enough about me. What about you two!? You always let me go first.”

I look at them in turn. They glance at each other, and Alexia decides to go ahead.

“Well, nothing special. Alba agreed to meet Jenni at Leah’s party. Of course, Jenni accepted, but she’s terrified,” she laughs. “She’s afraid of Alba’s reaction.”

“Your sister’s a bit of a pain,” Mapi comments.

“A bit, yeah,” she sighs. “It’s partly my fault too. I hid my relationship for way too long. I shouldn’t have.”

“True,” I agreed.

“Have you talked to Lucy about it? Are you two coming?”

I shake my head, crushing her hopes instantly.

“Sorry, but she refused. Since we’re under scrutiny with Wiegman, she really wants to wait until the end of the school year before we go public with my school friends.”

“Damn…” she sighs.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be well surrounded. Misa will be there, I imagine.”

“Yeah…”

“She’s really cool, you know. We helped each other out when you and Alba were called in. Maybe you could do the same for her that night…”

“I’ll see,” she grimaces. “I’m not sure where to place her. She came to tell me, and I quote, ‘we should get to know each other better.’”

“Who’s she? Your sister-in-law?”

“Ew, don’t call her that,” Ale replies.

I laugh heartily. It seems like things still aren’t smooth between them. I know she doesn’t really like her, but she’d be surprised.

“Come on, she’ll be a good help, trust me.”

- Yeah, well, wait. I think Alba plans to spend part of the holidays with us, like, "to make up for lost time," you know? I'm so pissed! I thought we'd finally be able to enjoy some time just the two of us!

I laugh again. I understand how she feels. It’s always like that with Lucy. We plan to be together, and then everything gets turned upside down. It's complicated with family all over the place.  

- And on top of that, you two won't be here, she adds. I heard you're leaving a week early.  

- Yeah, we're going to my grandfather's for the first week. Since we're going to Portugal, we might as well make the most of it, I replied.  

- Yeah, that's true, but once again, you won't be here to back me up, she says, pouting.  

- Either way, we wouldn't have been here. You'll have to wait until the end of the year for that.  

- Damn it, sighs Ale. It's ridiculous. It’s not like our friends would rat you out.

- Oh, you never know! Mapi surprisingly defends us. All it takes is for someone to have something against Lucy or even Ona, and boom, they're screwed.

- Yeah, mumbles Ale, not entirely convinced.

I laugh quietly to myself, but I think that’s exactly what Lucy believes too. That, and maybe the fact that she doesn’t want to get too close to her students before she leaves. I’m giving her some space for now, but once exams are over, she won’t have any more excuses. I definitely plan to introduce her to the whole gang.  

- So, Mapi, what about you? Anything new?  

- Not much. I'm selling my apartment. Preparing for my move... The school accepted my enrollment.  

- That's awesome! Ale comments.  

- Yeah, definitely a good thing. Also, my parents got in touch.  

- No way! What did they want?  

- To spend time together and reconnect, she laughs bitterly. Apparently, they wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing.  

- Ouch. Any hidden agenda?  

- No idea. I refused. I plan to spend my vacation here getting settled. I told them that and mentioned I have a girlfriend. When they started giving me grief about it, I hung up.  

- No surprise, I grimaced. They didn’t even ask how you were doing before that?  

- Nope. They started by asking how school’s going, if I’m doing well... Same old. I guess they still don’t have anyone to take over their stupid business. I wasn’t planning on seeing them again anyway. They probably thought I’d changed my mind about how I live. They still haven’t realized I’ll never be straight or take over their damn succession.  

- But what exactly do they hold against you? Ale asks calmly.  

- Well, exactly what I just said. Being a lesbian and loving engineering, which they consider a "man’s job." They would’ve preferred me to inherit the family business and start a family with a man for the succession. I’ve always refused. There’s no way I’m pretending to be someone I’m not for people who were never there for me.  

I smile sadly. She rarely talks about her family, even to me. All I know is that they’re rich, always off on business trips, and were never around. The day of her accident was the turning point for her. They couldn’t even be there for her, so she not only rejected her inheritance but also cut ties with them. I knew it was hard for her. Despite what she says, she values family a lot. I can tell when she’s with mine. She’s always said I had nothing to complain about. I find it awful that her parents want her to be someone she’s not. I’m glad she’s finally found some peace in her life thanks to Ingrid.  

- Anyway, no more news from them. I’m living my life, about to join you guys, and it’s about time. I’m really happy about that.  

- And how’s your leg?  

- It’s doing better. The pain is less frequent. But I know it’ll never fully heal. I was told that after the first surgeries.  

- Do you need another operation soon?  

- No, your mom managed to avoid that. We found other solutions. Better physios,… Anyway, they’ll never be able to fully fix it.  

- What happened, with that? Ale asks hesitantly.  

- Car accident. Wasn’t even my fault, she jokes with a laugh. A drunk driver crashed head-on into my mom and me. My knee got completely crushed. According to all the doctors, I was very lucky, if not miraculous, to have saved it.  

My heart sinks every time she talks about it. She was heading home with her mom when it happened. Mapi was the most injured since the car hit her side. The man in the other car flew through the windshield and didn’t make it. Her mom was the least hurt, with just a broken arm and a few cracked ribs. They were rushed to the hospital, especially Mapi, whose knee was shattered. Their father joined them at the hospital. What I find disgusting is that once her mom recovered, her parents didn’t stay with her. Mapi was a teenager, and legally, they shouldn’t have left her alone. But they did. They went back on business trips for days. They only visited occasionally to check on her progress. Mapi had to go through several surgeries alone, with no support. Then came the physical therapy, where they’d just drop her off at the doctors without asking if she needed help. She’s always said that the best thing her parents did for her was bringing her to Barcelona. They were advised to go to the best surgeons there. That’s when we met at school, and my mom started visiting her at the hospital since she was always alone. She’s always told me that her real family is us.  

- By the way, did you call your mom about the wedding?  

- What wedding? Ale asks.  

I blush in embarrassment. I didn’t even have time to tell her. My God, I really need to get back to reality.  

- My mom’s getting married to her partner. I called her this morning, and I agreed to be her maid of honour.  

Mapi practically explodes with joy, jumping on me. I laugh softly. I know she’s always wanted us to get along better since she’s always gotten along with my mom.  

- No way? Oh, I’m so happy! So, you’re going?  

- Of course, I roll my eyes. It’ll be after the exams. June 18th.  

- Oh no, Ale groans. You won’t even be here for my birthday!  

- Really? When’s your birthday? I ask.  

- Well… the 18th, she laughs.  

- Damn. No, we definitely won’t be here, I chuckle. We’ll probably head to Barcelona right after the exams to help with the preparations and all that. Lucy suggested it to get a break before the exam results come out.  

- Oh, that’s even better! You’ll be with me then! Can Ingrid come too?  

- My mom will probably invite her too, so yeah, of course, I laugh.  

- Well, I’m still upset. No one will be here for my birthday, Ale says, crossing her arms.  

- Oh, come on, we’ll celebrate your birthday, don’t worry.  

I say, giving her a hug. The last thing I want is to not celebrate her birthday.  

- Yeah. We’ll do it when we’re back. Maybe a night out, something with lots of drinks! It would do us good.  

- Speaking of drinks, I saw a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Anyone interested?  

- Yeah! Mapi exclaims. Go ahead, pop it open!

We laugh as Ale gets up to grab it. A glass of champagne sounds good tonight. I needed to unwind, and since Lucy is picking me up later, I don’t hesitate to have a drink or two, especially after Ale pulls out the rest of the alcohol from the other night.

Saturday, March 26; 2:50 AM - Jenni and Alexia's Apartment.

- Darling, someone murmurs to me.

I groan, burying my head into something soft, like a pillow. I recognize Lucy’s touch as she runs her hand through my hair, a little mocking laugh escaping her.

- Come on, get up. I need a little help.

I sigh contentedly, blinking my eyes open. It’s hard to keep them open, even though there’s no light in the room.

- You can stay here if you want, I hear Jenni offer.

- No, no. We’re heading home. Come on, babe, at least sit up so I can carry you.

I groan as she pulls my arms, trying to sit me up. I never know where she gets her strength, but somehow, she always manages. I have a slight headache. I definitely overdid it with the drinks tonight. I don't even know what time it is. Wrapping my arms around my girlfriend, I teasingly pull her toward me. She laughs before pressing her lips to mine.

- You’re not going to make this easy, are you?

- Nope, I grumble.

Too tired to fight back, I let my head fall onto her shoulder. She takes advantage of my state to pull me to the edge of the couch, then lifts me by holding me firmly by the thighs. My limp body betrays me, collapsing entirely against her.

- Thanks again for the evening.

- Will you be okay? Jenni asks her.

- Oh, yeah. It’s not the first time I’ve had to carry her, she jokes.

- Alright, she laughs. Be careful on your way back. Text me when you’re home.

- I will. Thanks.

I hear the door close as Lucy moves, followed by the sound of the elevator. I wait until the doors close to speak.

- You’re not mad at me? I mumble.

- Mad at you for what, baby? she whispers.

She gives me a little bounce to adjust her grip on my body. I groan softly at the jostling.

- For drinking too much, I whisper into her neck.

I’m being honest, because I know she knows. We didn’t have time to clean up the bottles, and I must reek of alcohol. I'd rather be upfront than face a scolding.

- No, she surprises me by saying. Not in this environment, where it’s safe.

A long breath of relief escapes me. She kisses my temple and finally exits when we reach the ground floor. I can feel the cold, and I realize I don’t have my jacket on.

- I’m warning you, once we get to our building, you’re walking up. You’re getting heavy, I swear.

I laugh into her neck as best I can, but I nod. I figure by the time we get there, I’ll be somewhat awake. Somehow, Lucy manages to get me into the car, and I hear the door shut before she walks around to the driver’s side. That’s when I notice my jacket is draped over my lap. I decide to put it on to stay warm.

- I love you, you know that? I say, in the middle of the drive, making my girlfriend laugh.

- Yeah, babe. I think I’m aware, she teases.

- Why are you laughing? It’s not funny. I’m being very serious! I huff.

- I’m not laughing.

- Yes, you are!

- Well, only because you’re the most adorable thing when you’re drunk. I forgot how happy you get in these moments.

- Does that mean I can drink again? I say excitedly.

- I never forbade you from drinking, she sighs.

- Yes, you did at the beginning.

- Yeah, but back then, you weren’t as responsible as you are now. And the places you frequented weren’t exactly the safest.

- Blah, blah, blah.

- Babe, she giggles. Don’t pick a fight in such a nice moment.

- Hmm, I reply, stretching. I’ll try not to, I tease.

We arrive at our building, and Lucy parks in the underground garage. This time, she doesn’t carry me up, but she still helps me stay upright and even undress me a little once we get to our apartment.

- Can I wear one of your shirts? I mumble as I collapse onto the bed.

- Of course.

I’m down to my underwear as she rummages through our closet. I take off my bra without any hesitation. Partly because I’m drunk, partly because I’ve become comfortable with Lucy since we made love.

- Here, she says, tossing me one.

I put it on quickly and slide under the covers, watching Lucy change. Once she’s done, she joins me in bed. I barely have time to snuggle up to her before I feel myself drifting off. I can still feel her lips against mine just before I fall asleep.

- Good night, my love.

- Good night, baby, I mumble back.

[prettyboykatsuki]

call it quits or call it destiny | h. umemiya.

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader(she/her pronouns, referred to as a girl, gets dressed up by tsubaki and kotoha), reader gets their hair braided (no desc of texture) and puts on makeup, lore heavy reader backstory + personality, deliquent!reader, gap moe, best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, themes of insecurity, mutual pining,the use of she/her for tsubaki, jealousy, confessions, loss of virginity, creampies / unprotected sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering, 18+

✮ wc ; 13.9k (dont. don't say anything)

✮ a/n ; me when i completely lose my mind because i have a weekend off. whats wrong with me.

anyways. there's no major triggers for this but be forewarned reader is meant to be very rag-tag deliquent type. she has a strong personality and generally is not feminine. she is like a mangy street cat a bit. also if u want u should listen to easily by bruno major while reading.

✮ synopsis ; you've been quietly pining for umemiya for a little over ten years with no plans of confessing.

you did not have a plan for what you would do if umemiya confessed to you first.

Once a day, everyday - Umemiya will come into your store, pause, smile, and confess his love to you before going off on his own.  

And once a day, everyday, you reject this confession with a soft huff  telling him to quit being stupid before shooing him away.  

It's become a ritual. A fixture in your daily routine that you're not allowed to ignore despite how hard you're trying.  

He's been doing it for three months, more or less. 

His reason for confessing everyday? Because he’s waiting on the day you confess back, of course. Which you've refused to do for the last few months and will continue to refuse for as long as you’ve got.  

It's not because you don't like him, alright? 

You've known Umemiya since middle school and you've liked him for about the same time. One of the core memories of your childhood is the day you met him, crying while sitting on a  swing-set, after what felt like the worst day of your life. 

( On the day you run away from home, you seriously consider not going back.  

You don’t really know how long you sit there. People walk by but most of them move on quickly. It’s mid-day before anyone bothers to stop and ask you something.  

 "I've never seen you around  before.” A strange looking boy approaches, friendly and unassuming but not entirely cheerful “Did you just move here?"  

You keep quiet, closing your eyes and hoping your lack of response is enough to push him away. Your hope fizzles out when you hear the swing creak as he sits besides you. 

"I'm Umemiya Hajime. I live close by." His voice is airy and causal. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.”  

"Fuck off," You reply bluntly, frowning. “I don’t need sympathy. Leave me the hell alone.”  

He pauses before pushing himself slightly forward to barely swing.  

“I couldn’t leave you alone while you’re sad,” He voices willfully. "It might make you feel better to talk about it." 

In disbelief at his response, you finally look up and asses him properly. It doesn’t do much to change your initial unfavorable impression. White hair, blue eyes and a little taller than you. You’re definitely about the same age. All of that to say, there’s something weird about him that you can’t quite place.  

Despite his manner and way of speaking though, you don’t actually think he’s that weak which makes his whole aura even more unnerving to you. His attempt at being non-threatening doesn’t work for him. He’s being a real try-hard about trying to make you comfortable… 

Either way, he’s got an air about him that puts you on the defensive.  

 Talking to someone about it had never been much of any option, and somehow it pisses you off that he’s being so brazen about it.  

Maybe if you tell him about, he’ll stop prying into your business. Or maybe you’re just looking for excuses to let off steam. 

You don't care anymore. You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.  

"I don't live here and I didn’t move. I ran away." You reply.  

He keeps looking at you, curious, inquisitive and sympathetic.  

"Why?"   

"I broke a girls nose." You scowl. The words rise up in your throat like bile. Make you feel cornered. The wounds too fresh. "It—she bullied me for years for one. And I never fought back, it was all petty bullshit anyway and I didn't like getting calls home. I didn't care about that but she—it wasn't for nothing. She was causing trouble for Sensei."  

Umemiya keeps to himself, humming in response to your troubles. Your voice breaks on your next sentence, chest tightening.  

"It doesn't matter what she does to me but—" Your hands ball up at your first. Your throat feels thick, eyes suddenly watering as your chest throbs . "Anyway, I couldn’t let it go like normal."  

He hums. "So you hit her?" 

You shake your head, sniffling. "Not at first. Just told her to shut up. Said that she didn't know what she was talking about. She hit me first..." You screw your eyes shut, sighing. "...said she was gonna spread rumors about him just trying to get under my skin and be malicious,” You lean back slightly and look up towards the gray sky. “I punched her after that."  

You realize he's looking at your bloodied knuckles, but he isn't making an expression that you can read easily. You don’t remember the last time you spoke to someone like this who wasn’t Tsukimori-sensei.  

"Are you crying because you got in trouble?"  

“Who cares about that?” You sigh “Sensei had to put his job on the line and take responsibility for me,” Your brow furrows in frustration. “He’s the one person I don’t want to cause trouble for,” You grip the iron chains of the swing set with a closed fist and finally admit what you’ve been avoiding to say out loud. “I don’t want him to hate me…”  

The kid besides you smiles  absently at your words. Half-way between listening and recalling something else, it seems like. You can’t help but wonder what the hell his deal is. You barely know him but you’re spilling your guts. 

He speaks after a long while. "I don't think he sees it that way. I think you should try to talk to him about it."  

You make a face, rejecting the idea. "What? No way." 

Umemiya shrugs, smiling - though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.  

"He sounds like he cares about you. If he knew your reasons, there's no way he would hold it against you. And it’s important to share your burdens with people who care for you." You look over and see him smiling somberly at the mulch beneath his shoes before returning back to what you’ve grown to know as his usual self. "Anyways, I think we should be friends. Tell me your name."  

You sniffle again. What a weird guy. Well you say that but 

You still give him your name. 

"What a pretty name," 

When you tell him to shut up again, your new friend Umemiya just laughs.  

And you find you feel just a little bit lighter.)  

That night, Umemiya walked with you to take the last train and told you to come see him again  with good news. 

You aren't sure what compelled you to follow his advice. Maybe because he was the first person who sat down and listened to you about it other than Sensei himself. 

Tsukimori-sensei was your school counselor and the only adult in your entire life that seemed to worry about. You didn't have any friends in middle school and you were a scary looking delinquent girl without a mother and a mostly absent father.  

But Sensei was always incredible gentle to you and incredibly kind. And despite what rumors that girl tried to spread  - he was never anything more than an important mentor.  

It was fucking embarrassing crying in front of him but because you were honest - you got to keep in touch with him. He attended your middle school and high school graduation - supporting you as you started to sort your life out. Became the closest thing you ever really got to a parental figure.  

Over time, you got close with Umemiya and developed strong loyalty to him. You attended an all-girls middle and high school the next town over - totaling one other friend in all six years of your remaining education. Lack of socialization meant that Umemiya somewhat became the very center of your existence. 

It was easy to visit him thanks to parental neglect. You sort of melted into his life. Tsubaki once called you his guard dog as a half-joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Quick to defend, quick to heel, and always happy to see him.  

You, like many people, owe Umemiya a lot. His meddling over the course of ten years gave you reason to push forward. He even encouraged you to try and attend school and not give up on living a half-decent life. 

You've got a never-ending list of short-comings but being with him didn't make you hate yourself. It made you want to be better because you knew Umemiya would accept you for whoever you decided to be.  

So despite your delinquency, you managed to graduate high school. Post-graduation, you attended a vocational culinary school and became a patisserie before moving to Furin for permanent residency. You opened a bakery and supply bread to Kotoha-chans diner.  

You made something of your life mostly 'cause of Umemiya. He's not your only friend anymore but he's still your best. Even though you never really pictured things like dating or romance - in some way it only makes sense that it'd be that meddling, kind-hearted idiot that you end up falling for it.  

Lovesickness aside, you respect Umemiya more than anyone in your personal life.  

He’s stuck around with someone like you this long after all. That means a lot to you.  

Somehow the two of you mesh well despite being totally opposite.  

You decided as soon as you realized it sometime in high school that you'd keep your feelings a secret for the rest of your life. You had a strong resolve in your beliefs about the whole thing which made it easy. You hid 'em so well even Sakura's stupid accurate romance detector didn't uncover them.  

When you picture Umemiya's future - it was easy to picture the kind of woman he would end up with. Another kind-hearted idiot like him, a social butterfly. Someone a little softer.  

In any case it definitely was not you. You didn't need it to be. You've received so much from him already, you never entertained the idea. Plus, Umemiya has dated other people over the years, so in your head there was never any hope to cling onto.  

For all reasons listed above, a requited romance is at the very bottom of your expectations.  

That's why you've been in this fucking conundrum.  

To say it was a complete shock to you when Umemiya openly confessed to you many months ago would be understatement of the goddamn century.  

He confessed right on the last day of Spring, totally out of the blue. 

(It’s a little unusual for Umemiya to call you at this hour. If it were anyone else, you’d be a little upset since you’ve gotta be up around four-am to get prepared for the day.  

It’s him though so you’re particularly tolerant, yawning as you find Umemiya on a familiar swing-set, still wearing your PJ’s.  

"Why am I out here in the middle of the night with you?"  

Your words lack any real malice as you sit down. Umemiya remains totally quiet. It's unusual for him to not immediately go on a tangent upon seeing you.  

"Oi. Earth to Hajime." You frown at him. "Did ya get beat up before coming here and scramble your brain? Give me the popsicle before it melts."  

He looks over at you and chuckles as he hands you the bag from the convenience store. You ignore his odd behavior and open up said popsicle before it melts  - carefully splitting it down the middle and giving him the bigger side before going to town on your own. He takes it from you but doesn't even bring it up to his mouth.  

Weird.  

"Did something... happen? Like seriously happen?" You take a long lick of your iced treat. It's melon flavored, your favorite. "Seeing you frown doesn't feel right. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."  

He cracks a little smile at that. It makes you feel better. He shakes his head.  

"Mm, nothing happened. I just have something I want to tell you."  

You nod in understanding. "'kay. Take your time."  

He blinks, surprised.  

"Hm? Aren't you gonna scold me for wasting your time?"  

"Nah. Whatever it is must be serious if it's making you all introspective or whatever. 's fine. Bring me coffee tomorrow and I'll forgive ya."  

His lip twitches up. "I l really like that about you."  

You feel yourself flush and wave a hand at him. "Ahh, shut up."  

He pauses for a second then shakes his head. "Mm. It's more like I like everything about you, actually."  

You twist your face in confusion. "What are you on about now?"  

"That's what I came here to tell you." Umemiya says after a deep breath. He says it so casually you wonder if you're mishearing him - leaning back to look up at the stars. "I really, really like you. I just felt like I had to tell you that"  

You stare at him in disbelief.  

"Wha—huh?"  

He doesn't even flinch as he repeats it.  

"I like you."  

"No the hell you don't."  

He furrows his brow with a light laugh. "I just told you that I do, silly."  

"But that's—" You don't say the word impossible. You really want too, but you know exactly how he would react if you did. You simply shake your head. "No, you don't." 

"I thought you might respond like this so don't worry but how about you?" He shrugs then looks at you intently. "I thought you might like me too."  

Your eyes go wide. Oh fuck.  

You feel like a deer caught in headlights. You know you should be happy about this, deep down. That'd be the normal response.  

But you just feel complicated as shit instead. Fuck does he mean? Umemiya.... likes you? There's just no way that's true. Not after all of this time. And how the fuck does he know you like him back when you've been keeping it in? 

You can't bring yourself to look him in the face and lie. Your heart rises to your throat as you shakily stand to your feet.  

"Stop...thinking whatever you've been thinking. I'm going home." You reply in complete panic. 

 The minute you say it, you turn on your heel so you don't have to look at his face. You don’t even want to know.  

And before Umemiya can catch you and try to talk it out, you bolt. 

What the fuck was that?)  

For the last few months, you've been avoiding the topic of conversation as much as you humanly can.  

The possibility of Umemiya even just accepting your feelings was already far beyond your imagination, but him returning them? Confessing first? That wasn't even in your realm of possibility.  

Ever since then, you've been losing your mind trying to force your life and train of thought to go back to normal. You’ve done all of the math on it.  

Realistically, you can't ignore him. Your lives are so mixed together it'd be impossible unless you went under protection and changed your name which you briefly considered. You thought of turning him down but you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to actually do it despite how good you are at keeping it in. Either way, your best option logistically is feigning ignorance and trying to keep the whole thing out of your mind entirely which should've been easy.  

Tricking yourself into believing the whole thing was a dream? Lightwork.  

Except. Except.  

Umemiya just won't give up.  

He confesses to you again every single day. Worse, he doesn't care whose around to hear him. No one in your friend group seems even the tiniest bit shocked by it which doesn't help the situation. You can't get used to it, can't get used to him being so fucking cheeky as he stops you midway through normal conversation to tell you he loves you.  

He's persistent to a fault and while you've done well feigning immunity - you can't survive like this.  

You've graduated to tell him to go away and treating the whole thing like some big joke.  

But honestly? 

You're avoiding having a proper conversation about it. Umemiya is especially keen in not letting you forget that. And determined to make you confess.  

But you're not going to to let him sway you.  

You've got principles, after all.  

__  

After you close up shop on Friday, you get dressed to attend a kickback with all of your friends.  

It's a barbecue technically - commemorating the end of summer. Togame is really into grilling and in their weird domestic partnership, Chouji really enjoys hosting. They've done this once or twice a year ever since they started living together.  

Once you've finished cleaning up the store, you take the train to Kotoha's place - mistakenly assuming you'd leave as soon as you got there. However you failed to realize that Tsubaki and Kotoha would be getting ready together.  

You got jumped as soon as you walked through the door - so now you're wearing a different pair of clothes that Tsuabki got for you and waiting for them to finish getting you dressed up so you can leave.  

Tsuabkino is inches from your face while Kotoha braids your hair. You feel itchy and exposed but with both of them here there's no way you're going to get out of wearing it. 

"Can we just go?" You grumble, not enjoying the feeling of being poked and prodded.  

"No," Tsubaki insists, frown making her expression pinch. "You have half an eyelash on. Sit still." 

"He'll be happy to see you dressed up," Kotoha adds, trying to encourage you. You frown and look down.  

"Whatever. I don't care about makin' him happy."  

The both of them pause and stare at you until you fold under the pressure - screwing your eyes shut and making you flush.  

“Such a blatant lie.”  

Tsubaki giggles. “Right?”  

Your face feels hot. "Ahhh, alright already. Shut up."  

"Honest girls are much cuter," Tsubaki coos. You give her a half-assed glare.  

"Don't you like Hajime? Why're you trying to set me up with him still?" You mumble. You always think they’d make a perfect pair.  

"Of course I like him. He's my prince." She smiles at you. “But it’s a little different to how a certain someone loves him. And well, if you knew the way he looked at you…"  

You frown, feeling hot all the way up to your ears as you ball your fists up and look down at your lap. "Whatever." 

"You should stop trying to worm your way out of it," Kotoha adds, much less sweetly. "You know how he is. He couldn't give up on you for ten years like some idiot."  

You blink. "Huh? But ten years would mean -"  

Kotoha braids your hair even tighter making you wince. "I know. You're both stupid like that."  

"Don't be mean, Kotoha-chan. And you, be a little more honest, okay?"  

You sigh deeply. 

"Ain't like anything is gonna happen either way. I already told you both I'm not accepting his confession," 

"Cause you're a huge wuss, yeah we know."  

You elbow Kotoha lightly.  

"Maybe nothing will," Tsubaki hums mischievously.  "But it feels nice to dress up for him, right?"  

You pretend the thought doesn't make your hear flutter.  

Tsubaki does you the kindness of laughing lightly before moving on. 

__  

You arrive to the function an hour later than planned and stick mostly with Kotoha and Tsubaki until half way through the evening.  

Loosening up with a few drinks, the three of you part ways to catch-up with different people. It's not rare you see them, but it's not often everyones schedules allow them to be in the same place.  

Lucky for you, Umemiya does you the courtesy of not confessing during the first half of the night before food comes out.  

(Though you do spit beer in his face after he calls you pretty, which he takes on the chin after cleaning up.)  

After dinner, the function simmers down significantly. People quietly break off into groups and chat to each other into the late night. About that time people split whatever desserts they brought among guests.  

You brought cookies and something specifically for Chouji and Togame as thanks for hosting.  

Towards the end of the night, you find yourself sticking sort of close to Umemiya. Though he's having his own one-on-one conversation with Hiragi while sitting next to you , turned the other way.  

You busy yourself catching up to Suo, Sakura and Nirei - all of whom you consider yourself close to.  

Of them, you're the closest to Nirei which always surprises people. 

The kids a total wimp but he helped you years ago study to graduate so you're a little closer to him than everyone else. He's a great guy though and you hang out alone sometimes too.  

The conversations gone far left at this point in the evening.  

Suo leans back against his chair and looks toward Sakura besides him with a lazy smile.  

"Sakura-chan would make a great wife." 

You snort listening to them bicker. Sakura grows beet red, throwing an empty beer can at Suo's head that he catches gracefully.  

"Go die."  

"What? You're good at domestic work and you have a cute side, Isn't that all you need?"  

"Shut up. I'll kill you."  

As Suo breaks out into laughs, Sugishita comes down from the kitchen just in time to catch the argument. He crinkles his nose up.  

"Oh, Sugishita-kun. 'Sup."  

He nods to your greeting as he leans against the wood railing of the outdoor deck.  

"What the hell are you two talking about?" 

'What? You mean about Sakura being a good wife?" Suo asks. Sugishita crinkles his nose. 

"Don't phrase it so repugnantly but yeah I guess." 

"We were talking about marriage 'cause I was complaining at work."  

"What's happening at work?" 

Nirei sighs as he lays it out again to Sugishita after having given the spiel to the three of you once.  

"One of my superiors at work is a lot older than me and keeps bringing up marriage," Nirei explains woefully. "It's all he talks about. He thinks I'm seeing someone."  

Sugishita frowns. "Eh? What gave him that impression?"  

A good question you hadn't considered asking.  

You raise your brow at Nirei who laughs awkwardly while he holds your gaze.  

"You know that picture of us from highschool? When he came to the cafe at your school festival?"  

You smile spitefully, crinkling your nose in faux distaste. "The one wear we wearing those stupid maid costumes?"  

"Yup. That's the one. It's a good picture of us so I keep it on my desk and he saw it so..."  

"You keep a picture of just the two of you on your desk? No wonder he got that impression.” Suo adds.  

You sense Umemiya suddenly tense which you find weird. He's still talking to Hiragi though when you glance from the corner of your eye. You brush it off.  

Nirei blushes, elbowing him.  

"Shut up. I've got group pictures and stuff too. But he just singled out that one cause you know,"  

You nod in understanding before it dawns on you. Your eyes widen. "Oh, shit? Does that old man think you're dating me?"  

Nirei closes his eyes and sighs. "He won't even let me correct him." 

You pause before breaking out into genuine laughter.  

"Pfft, that's terrible." You reply sympathetically, taking a sip of your beer before giving a mischievous grin. "Maybe you can make it work for you though, eh? Tell 'em we got hitched forreal and then I'll call you on the phone and nag you to get home for dinner so you can leave earlier."  

Nirei acts like he's touched making you laugh even harder. "You'd do that for me?"  

You give him another toothy grin. "I'll even help you fake some wedding photos. We'll be accomplices." You lean back with a shrug. "You gotta wear the dress though." 

Sugishita laughs at that. "You being a blushing bride is a little..."  

You snort, shooting him a dirty look "Shut up."  

"Deal. Not a bad plan honestly." Nirei says with a sigh. "Whatever gets me out of the office early."  

"Even if that means being married to me?" You joke.  

He smiles at you. "Aw, what do you mean? That's the best part."  

You chuckle at him good-natuedly and the conversation quickly moves on.  

The alcohol is starting to make you dizzy so you eventually tune out as the four of them talk, glancing at Umemiya from the corner of your eye.  

You swear you catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking.  

__  

For the rest of the night, Umemiya is off.  

No one else can tell. You know that because the atmosphere remains light until everyone leaves around two-am. There's no blips or tension, no awkward pauses. 

But you know Umemiya. He's been real weird all night and it's bugging the shit out of you.  

It's a well past two now, and you've just left the late night cab you took with him. Umemiya lives close so he's walking you home.  

He's usually energetic after a get-together like that so his dead silence is weirding you out. You're pretty good at figuring his feelings out but for once you feel totally clueless.  

It feels as if even the cicadas and crickets have gone to sleep. There's nothing bu the streetlights overhead and soft glow of the moon, coupled with the soft click of your shoes on the pavement. Occasionally, a car will pass by.  

At one point, it becomes too much. There's still a few minutes until you're home.  

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around to look at him. Umemiya pauses, startled as he stops with you, and doesn't smile which only makes your concern worsen.  

"Oi. What's up with you?"  

"Hm?"  

You cross your arms over your chest.  

"Don't 'hm' me. You've been in a bad mood few for the last few hours. It's gonna bug me all night if I don't ask, so what's up?"  

He stares at you.  

"You noticed?"  

"How could I not notice?"  

"I was hiding it pretty well, I thought." He states more than asks, half-smile on his face.  

"Yeah. But well," You shrug. "I'm always looking at you for better or for worse. So. What's wrong?"  

He stares at you a long time before sighing, running his fingers through his hair. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him pissed off before, seen him mildly irritated - but never this... pouty? It's not like he's pissed.  

He's quiet, taking a deep breath of cool night air before sliding his hands into his pockets and taking a good look at your face. 

"Do you know that I like you?"  

Your eyes widen as you blink wildly.  

This is what he wants to talk about? 

He pins you down with his stare, hands in his pockets and intense as ever.  

"Don't even think about bolting this time, okay? I'm asking you seriously. Do you?" 

Your eyes flicker down the concrete - feeling extremely uncomfortable and suddenly sweaty. You shrug, unsure of what else you could say or do.  

"Hard not to know." You mumble. "You tell me everyday." 

"But do you get it?"  

Your frown deepens.  

"Of course not. How could I possibly get something like that, stupid?"  

He takes a deep breath. "But you like me, don't you?"  

Panic sets in. If you could sink straight into the Earth you would.  

"...Never said that." 

He calls your name quietly. "Look at me, at least. Stop running away from me and just look." 

You know you're being stubborn but you can't help it. You've kept it a secret for ten years and all of a sudden he wants you to tell him you like him? You've held it in for so long already and he's telling you not to run away.What other choice is there?  

One wrong move move and everything will come crashing down inside of you. You can't even lie about it either.  

Damn it.  

"I won't look." Your voice is warbly and it makes you feel so pathetic you could die, tucking your chin petulantly "Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya frowns at you.  

"If you say you don't like me I'll let it go."  

You remain very quiet and close your eyes tighter. He sighs softly, making your chest hurt.  

After a minute, you muster up the courage to be dishonest - determined to drop it at all costs. You're slow as you pick your head up.  

"I don't like you," You repeat slowly, carefully - trying not to stumble the words. "So quit it, alright?"  

He laughs humorlessly and holds your gaze.  

"That's the first time you've ever actually lied to me. You're terrible at it," 

"I'm not lying." You snap. Umemiya smiles somberly when he sees tears on the corners of your eyes. He steps closer to you. You freeze. When his hand reaches cups your cheek, you feel your legs lose all their strength and close your eyes. You're terrified to even look at him, not wanting him to see what you know is obvious on your face.  

He wipes them as he tilts your face towards him slowly. 

"Tell me, at least. If you're going to refuse me, don't I deserve to know why? Do you hate the idea of dating me that much?"  

You shake your head. "Stupid. How would anyone hate that?"  

"So I deserve to know why you're turning me down."  

A long moment of silence draws you out of your feelings. You guess that's fair enough. Maybe this way he'll leave you alone  - as long you're clear about your reasons. He’s the earnest type after all.  

You manage to suck up all your tears and clear your throat enough to give him an explanation. 

You step back a little from him, putting some distance between you as you stare down at the sidewalk. 

"You know... I respect ya more than anyone else. You've always been someone I admire. And I uh, owe you a lot. So I only want the very best for you and all." You scratch your neck, taking a deep sigh. "For me... regardless of my feelings, I want you to be with someone who really fits, you know? Well put-together and everything. Someone that suits you better"  

He pauses before frowning.   

"Regardless of your feelings? Does that mean you were willingly pushing them aside?" He says distraught. "For how long?"  

You shrug, trying to lighten the conversation. It’s too devastating otherwise. "About ten years, give or take." 

The sheer distress in his face makes you want to keep talking, just he doesn’t look so disheartened. Like some explanation will clear things up.  

"It ain't a bad thing, Hajime. You've given me a lot and I'm serious when I say I want the best for you. I love you, if that's what you wanna hear. I'm content just being besides you as your friend." You say with a shrug. "I can be kinda selfish but there's a limit to my greed,yknow."  

He looks like he's in shock. 

"Wanting someone to love you back isn't greedy or selfish."  

You find you don't have anything to say with that, but hope he drops it for the time being. 

Umemiya stares at you seriously. It makes your breath hitch meeting his eyes, blue with all the depth in the world. You feel like you can't pull yourself from his gaze.  

"And there was never a possibility? Not once that I could've liked you? That I wanted to be with you?"  

"It doesn't matter." You say. "And no, it never crossed my mind.."  

"Stop saying it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Your feelings matter the most so don't toss them aside so easily. Do you really believe that you're not right for me?"  

You aren’t sure how to answer him.  

"You think you're not good enough for me." He says with some realization more than asks.  

It's the first time you see his face change. When you look up, he looks well and truly angry. The whole thing is confusing.  

"I'm sorry," You say. It’s such a timid thing to say but you don’t know how else to fix.  

"It's not—I just don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that. I don't like hearing someone I love get spoken about like that.” 

You ignore the sentiment again and wait in the quiet. You always thought this would be an easier conversation to have but it hurts.  

He sighs a bit, getting closer to you again. He’s less upset than before but there’s something else in his expression.  

"You wanted to know why I was upset earlier right? It's because of you and Nirei-kun." He admits.  

"What about him?"  

"You talked about marrying him so casually. I overheard and it bothered me all night."  

Your eyes go wide.  

"I—it wasn't serious."  

"I know that. I never thought I was that childish either but you being married to someone else as a joke." He laughs humorlessly. "I really hated it. That’s why I asked if you know how much I like you."  

You feel frozen in place by his admission. 

Umemiya steps towards you faster than you can muster up a counter for why he shouldn’t bother.  

His arms around you feel sudden. His grip on you is so tight, like you could slip through his arms all at once if he loosens it. He smells like cologne and beer and summer but it's not unpleasant. He rests his chin on your head and lets out a deep breath.  

Your chest is throbbing for different reasons now. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.  

"If you won't be greedy, then you should at least let me be." He lets out a long, tense breath "At least let me have what I want." 

You're stuck. Your mouth moves faster than your brain.  

"Why me? And why now?"  

Umemiya pulls away to stare down at you. You can't bring yourself to turn away from him. 

"It was always you. I felt guilty... for wanting to you that way when you were a precious friend. Wanting to treat you delicately when you were strong and proud." He admits. Hearing him say that out loud embarrasses you to no end, “But it was those things that made me love you. Strong yet clumsy. Prideful yet honest. Awkward yet trying to be gentle. Loyal. And always considerate of everyone. Of me, when I was taking care of everyone else."  

Your stomach feels like it's going to erupt. You're losing your resolve faster than you know how to mend it.  

"Stop saying stuff like that."  

Umemiya holds you tighter and shakes his head. "No. How else will I get you to change your mind?"  

"I won't change my mind." You say stubbornly.  

"I love you." He repeats.  

You squirm.  

"Stop it,"  

"I want to be with you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to do things with you and make you feel good. I want to make you smile. I want to grow old with you." 

Your hearts fluttering. Fuck.  

"Idiot. What are you saying? Let me go."  

"It has to be you for me. I won't have anyone else no matter what you think. The person I love is you. I love you."  

"Hajime." Your voice is shaking. 

His drops down to a whisper.  

“I can’t change how you think of yourself overnight but I can tell you that there’s no point in trying to push me away. Whether or not you accept  me, we’ll never stop being side by side - so please stop fighting it.”  

You put your hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Stop it,” 

"Please tell me it's okay to love you how I want too," He says, soft and doting while he crushes you in his arms. "And please love me in return."  

You put your hands up to your misty eyes wanting to wipe them away as he melts through the rest of your resolve like it's nothing. It's hard not to be moved. You've been pretending for ten long years that you don't love him at all and he's declaring his love for you like it's the easiest, most sensible and sane thing in the world.  

A kind-hearted, willful, meddling idiot. How you are you supposed to push him away when he's holding you this tight?  

"Shit," You voice, huffing as your voice shakes. "Don’t be stupid, alright? If you’re so insistent, I wont let you back out if you meet someone else."  

He laughs wetly.  

"I already tried meeting other people, but it's still you. Always was."  

He smiles above you. 6'2 with watery eyes with the look of pure relief like it's the best news he's ever heard in his life. It's too much for you. Your heart is racing so fast you wonder if you're gonna die.  

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.  

Your eyes go wide as you look away, not wanting to look too eager. "That's..."  

He makes another puppy-dog kinda face. "Please?"  

You're embarrassed by how easy it makes you give in. "...Do whatever you want."  

He laughs bright and warm as his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and kiss you with all the passion he can muster. It's intense, almost suffocating the way he slots his lips against yours and breathes you in. He doesn't let you up from it, doesn't part from you for a second even when he pulls away - noses brushing and stealing the air from your lungs.  

It's your stupid first kiss and it's perfect - so perfect you wonder if you're going to wake up in a dream. He kisses you hard and makes you stand on your toes to chase his lips when he pulls back. Elated. Ecstatic when you grasp the front of his shirt and keep kissing him when he stops. 

He pauses before littering your whole face with pecks even as you weakly protest, unable to stop frowning but feeling the happiest you've ever been.  

There's so much longing in between you, you feel like you could die. You feel helpless.   

"Can I come home with you?" He asks, once he stops - only holding your hand a short distance away. "I want more time together." 

You feel your skin burn hot as you nod, all while trying not to read too much into it. 

"Yeah."  

__ 

You barely get to lock your door behind you before Umemiya crowds you in the door way.  

His arms circle around your waist, chin resting against your shoulder.. Broad chest against your back, you try not to flounder as his warm voice caresses your ear.  

You're going to die young if he keeps this up.   

"I love you,"  

You flush. "Enough already. And let me go so I can wash up."  

"Do you need to sleep early? Thought you were closed tomorrow. Wanted to talk a little longer."  

You pause.  

"...Sleep?" 

"Hm?"  

You both freeze as the miscommunication dawns at the same time. You try to pull away from him as soon as you realize, skin burning hot. You're quick but Umemiya is quicker.  

"Hajime." You say gravely. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna kill you."  

"No way," He laughs  as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. "Is that why you let me in? Were you expecting something?"  

"Shut up! Don't say anything, I swear I'll —"  

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm not making fun of you. Hey, turn around. Look at me."  

You're upset but you think the reason is more embarrassing then the feeling.  

"Don't wanna,"  

Umemiya laughs as he gently turns you around to face him. In your utter mortification, you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze.  

"Stop staring."  

He doesn't.  

"Do you normally invite guys in just 'cause they ask?"  

"Wha—no! It's because it's you, stupid!"  

He smiles in satisfaction.  

"You shouldn't say yes so easily even if it is me. What if I took advantage of you?"  

You think he's just being smug for the sake of it, which is pissing you off. You grab him by the front of his shirt.  

"Fuck off. Maybe there's a reason I said yes."  

He pauses before his eyes widen. You push your hand against his mouth before he blurt anything else out but he's quick to pry your hand away.  

"Don't say it." You hiss.  

"I was planning on taking my time. I cherish you and I want to make sure you know that. I'm just a little surprised you’re moving so quick when you were telling me not too long ago."  

You can feel the tips of your ears growing hot, feeling even more self-conscious. "Whatever. If we're just going to sleep I still need to wash up."  

He keeps his arms behind your back so you can’t move.  

"Hey. Didn't say that. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. Just don't want you to regret anything."  

You give him an flat look. "I was prepared to give you my virginity and you're worrying about that. Unless you're planning on backing out, there's no way I would."  

"Your—" His jaw drops a little.  

You drop your voice down just a little close as you grab his collar.  

"If you get it, then hurry up and fuck me. Stupid Hajime."  

He gives you the dopiest smile you've ever seen while your face grows increasingly hot, leaning to in to press a kiss to your lips. He brushes his nose with yours. Laughter from deep in his chest.  

"Yes, ma'am."  

__ 

Once you give Umemiya permission to have you, you get the feeling that there really is no going back from here.  

You both know it. The tension in your bedroom is so thick you can barely breathe around it.  

Umemiya lands gently onto your bed - sitting up as he holds you by your waist and pulls you over to him. You're so aware of his touch it makes your nerves feel they're on fire. You're not a total virgin - at least not enough to be feeling this worked up over someones hands lingering on your waist.  

But they're Umemiya's hands—Hajime's hands, so you can't rationalize your thoughts of out it. His hands are strong and big, a little calloused and rough from the gardening and fighting. You can feel how much he adores you in a gesture so small it makes you concerned for your own heart thinking about how the rest of the night will go.  

He invites you into his lap gently, so pleased by the way you go to him so willingly. You spread yourself over him with your knees on either side of his thighs. He's big - wide and broad.  

Your barely hovering over his bulge as you lean your weight onto him. His hand barely brushes underneath your top, just barely touching the skin.  

You shiver.  

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" He asks. "I don't mind waiting as long as you need,"  

You give him an bored look. "Not very convincing when you're makin' a face like that,"  

He chuckles nervously. "That bad?"  

You nod before adding a little bashfully. "Dunno if I mind, though."  

He buries his fact against your chest all of a sudden making you jump.  

"The hell?"  

"You're so cute when you're honest like that," He mumbles into your chest, cheek pressed against your tits.  

"Jeez, shut up. What're you talking about?"  

Umemiya pulls back and leans forward - enough to breach the inches of space between you. Nose to nose, your eyes meet. A bated breath, you put your hand on his shoulders and work up the nerve to kiss him.  

It's chaste. Mostly for you to break the ice otherwise you're sure you're gonna pussy out.  

He smiles at you when you pull away.  

"See what I mean? So cute," He hums, and leans in again. "Come on. Kiss me again."  

Something about him is different when he tells you to kiss him. It's not smug or cheeky. But it's not casual either. Softness tinges his words, his touch - his whole demeanor screams like he loves you absolutely. It makes your heart rate pick up again, hands shaky as you try not to lose your nerve.  

He's restraining himself though. How he intense he could be vs how soft and calm he is being. You know Umemiya like the back of your hand so you want him to do what he wants. It's hard to find your voice.  

"You don't have to.." You cast your eyes down in embarrassment. "…hold back with me, either. I'm not some maiden."  

He smiles at you a little. "You really do know me better than anyone, huh? I was keeping it together pretty well."  

"Look I know I’m kinda difficult…I'm not real good with stuff like this either," You fidget with the collar of his shirt with your free hand. "But once I say yes I don’t back out. So don't worry about scaring me off or putting too much pressure on me or whatever. ...'s fine to just do what you feel like. I’m scared out of my mind but I wouldn’t do that to you,"  

“Don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll do my best to make you feel secure. Might take some time but we’ve got our whole lives.” You flush at the implication. He smiles a little. "Whatever I want seems like a lot to give, though."  

"Well...depending on what, I'm might not be good at it,"   

He shakes his head. "I don't want anything like that."  

"What do you want then?"  

"You." He says easily. Your stomach flips. "All of you. I just want to make you feel so good you can't stand it. Want to worship you top to bottom. There's not a single part of you I don't want."  

You flush. "The hell... I meant like a blowjob or some shit."  

He laughs. "I know. And I want that too, another time." He hums, taking a deep breath. "Right now I just want you to feel so good for me. Is that okay?"  

You can't look at him. You can barely stand how bashful you're being, but you can't even play coy. Something in you is bursting at the seams.  

You love him so much you don't recognize yourself, or your voice, or how you're acting. It makes you sick but you can’t do anything but go with it. "Yeah. 's okay, if it's what you want."  

"It is," He says, leaning in. "All I've ever wanted."  

You ignore the latter half of his comment as he finally goes to kiss you again.  

He pulls your body close to him as you do. Until your chest to chest, arms wrapped around the span of his shoulders as you press your lips together soft and slow.  

He slides a hand underneath your top, undoing the clasp of your bra. He lets his palm stay on the center of your back while you keep kissing - straps of your bra falling down your shoulder as he splays his fingers to feel more of your skin and hold you. Hugging you close to him, his other arm wraps around your torso. His forearms feels especially strong they way they hold you by the waist.  

You're so close to him. Kissing him so deep, his tongue sliding against your lips. Something about the kiss is languid but the touch is so hot it makes your skin burn. You feel wrapped up in him, can't even tell whose heartbeat you're hearing. 

More of your weight ends up in his lap as you feel your knees go weak. Something hard presses against your clothed cunt and you gasp a little into his mouth.  

"Oh, shit." You mumble in surprise. Umemiya laughs.  

"You're making me feel good." He hums.  

Your face heats up. "I barely did anything." 

"You just being on my lap is more than enough."  

You make a face at him before rubbing yourself over the zipper of his jeans, slow and deliberate trying to get a feel for it. You hear him moan, nearly jumping out of your skin in surprise.  

The way Umemiya moans is a lot for you to process. Breathy and a little low. It resonates through your whole body like a caress.  

You make a few more tentative passes over his bulge, just to hear him do it again. Driven by your instinct more than anything, you lean into kiss at his jaw - making use of the limited experience you do have to try and draw more sounds from him.  

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, still breathless. Maybe amused.  

"Like the way you sound." You mumble in reply.  

"I thought I told you I wanted to take care of you, hm?"  

You frown. "So what? I can't touch you at all?"  

He thinks on it. "You can touch me everywhere else and you can have your way with me later, if you want it. I don't wanna cum too fast."  

"I'm just..."  

He shakes his head. "You're underestimating me. I'm still a guy, you know? With a woman I love at that. There's no way I would make it through our first time if I didn't focus on you. Don't pout,"  

Hearing him describe you in such an embarrassing way makes you flush. You roll your eyes half-heartedly. "Fine, whatever."  

He smiles.  

"Good girl. C'mere. Lay down."  

You decide not to think about how effected the praise makes you as you comply.  

Umemiya lays you down carefully, making sure you're comfortable before hovering over you. He looks a lot more imposing from this view - the dim lights of your room making his face seem more well-defined. Your nipples harden in arousal, peeking from underneath your shirt as he stares long and hard.  

"You're so beautiful to me."  

He leans down and presses a hot kiss to your jaw, just underneath your ear before slowly kissing down your neck. Open-mouthed kisses along delicate skin, tongue sliding over every patch he scrapes lightly with his teeth. You fidget underneath him, a dull throbbing between your legs. You try to figure out what to do with your hands but you’re too nervous.  

He kisses your throat where it's extra sensitive and you bite back and involuntary noise. 

"Don't hold your voice, please?"  

"It's embarrassing,"  

"It's not," He assures, bumping his forehead to your shoulder lightly. "I want to know what makes you feel good. Let me pay attention to you."  

You frown but nod ultimately.  

Umemiya isn't the first sexual encounter you've had in your life. You've done other things, but you've never really gone all the way with anyone. All of your other partners were mostly strangers - people mutually interested in using someone else to try and get off.  

This is the first time anyone has taken this much time with you. A little kissing and groping, sometimes touching your chest.  

No one's ever touched you like this, though.  

His hands feel like they're all over your body no matter where they actually end up being. Makes your heartbeat rain drumming on a tin roof. Makes your stomach tingle, a heat in your calves and a prickly feeling on your back. Your whole being drowning with pure anticipation.  

"Take this off for me." Umemiya mumbles. You nod, feeling absent as you wiggle yourself out of your tight little tee and toss it somewhere.  

The air shifts again when you're naked. His eyes drink you in, tracing the soft lines and edges of your body. Looking over scars and stretchmarks with pure, blown out wanting that shoots lust straight into your veins.  

You want him to fuck you so bad it's killing you but the very thought makes you feel so shy you could die.  

"You're beautiful," Sounds dirty the way he says, makes it spill from his lips like wine tipping over a glasses edge. "Perfect. Every inch of you is so perfect."  

He proves this to you by kissing you again. Running his hands over your skin. Up against curved sides and down against your arms, brushing the back of your biceps and forearms.  

Infatuation in his touch ruins you. Makes your voice let out. You can't think of anyone whose treated you so preciously in your entire life and you find you don't resent it as much as you should.  

(You find it feels so good to let someone touch you so kindly. A touch like you're being loved.)  

Nonetheless it's embarrassing. Of course it is.  

But it's so hard not to feel pulled in when you feel the way he kisses you. Draws a trail with his lips and tongue from jaw to shoulder blade - kissing down your biceps with his hands on your body, taking  gentle inhales of your scent.  

Anticipation makes your stomach tie in knots but finally he relents. Both hands squeeze the soft weight of your chest, palms brushing your hardened nipples.  

"Fuck."  

He laughs a little, heavy with want. "Yeah? Do you like being touched here?"  

"Mm." Is the best reply you can get out.  

He brushes against the tips with his fingers in a feather-light gesture, testing the waters before rubbing with a little more pressure. Your body jolts from the stimulation, wetness pooling and dampening your underwear. He leans in and takes one of your nipples into his mouth making another dull wave of lust wash through you.  

And he makes sure to pay attention to both. It's just like him to be so attentive to some shit like that. Your spine arches as he sucks on your sensitive nipples, letting his tongue flick across them and giving into a sweet friction. You buck your hips up against instinctively, gripping onto the sheets as your sense of restlessness grows.  

Your voice is whiny to your own ears but you can't calm down to save your life.  

"You're taking too long," You huff. He laughs lightly, looking up at you from underneath his lashes.  

"Don't be impatient." He tsks.  

"It's enough already," 

He shakes his head. "Nope. Still got a long ways to go. Promise you'll have me when you're ready for it, so just try and focus on feeling good."  

You make a frustrated sound. "It's embarrassing being the only one feeling good,"  

He pauses before standing up on his knees. He takes his black t-shirt off in one swift go until his torso is bare, and undoes the top button of his pants. He gives you a little glance. "Better?"  

There are too many layers of that to process in the moment it happens. You mumble. "A little,"  

He beams. "Good. Now let me take good care of you,"  

Sliding down lower, he kisses you from sternum to navel. Hands gripping at the softness of your sides, smoothing over the bare skin as he his thumb finds the waistband of your skirt. He glances up at you, silently seeking your permission. You nod back at him, watching him slide the short skirt away from your waist.  

The sudden air feels cool against your skin. He presses his cheek against your belly, both hands on your hips..  

"You're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than I thought. I feel so lucky being able to touch you when you're this perfect.” He praises endlessly.  

You cover your face with your arm.  

"Ugh. Quit it. You're sayin' too much."  

"Seeing you get so shy when I praise you a little is so cute." He trails his lips down further and further - just above your sex before stopping. "You're so cute."  

He sits back, standing up and bending your legs slightly at the knee. You hold the position as you feel him massage your calve. Thumb drawing hard circles in the muscle, slowly working his way up to your knee. He kisses you afterwards trailing the same spot his hands were touching seconds ago before moving onto the other side.  

There's nothing you can call it short of worship. The nagging feeling that it's undeserved is washed away each time Umemiya holds your gaze.  

Devotion colors every touch no matter how small. And it’s so obvious, so prominent - it feels outright wrong to deny the fact it’s there.   

You think the closest thing you can compare it too is the way Umemiya gardens. A patience as his fingers root through earth and soil, a kindness towards delicate things that makes even hours of work under the sun look beautiful and easy. His expression is what's most uncanny - what makes you you feel so hot. 

An expression that says he loves doing it from the very bottom of his heart - not even a hint of apathy or complaint.  

A face that says he loves every long, drawn out motion and actions of repetition all fro the very core of him.  

Having it directed at making love to you so blatantly makes you more aroused than you know what to do with. You don't know how to let yourself be treated like the most cherished flower in Umemiya's garden - and you aren't so sure how you're meant to get used to it no matter how much it makes you feel...nice. You don’t have any other experience.  

Which is why you're trying to be patient. Trying to be at least temporarily secure in whatever he sees in you that makes him worship every inch of you, memorizing all your ins and outs.  

Umemiya places hot, wet kisses on your inner thigh before laying himself between your spread legs - breath barely hovering over your sex.  

By the time he gets there, you feel utterly melted into your sheets. Your mind is hazy, impatient and wanting as strong hands secure your thighs. He's so close.  

"I wanna eat you out. Is that okay?"  

"If you don't do something soon I'm gonna kill you."  

He laughs warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."  

You pause. Umemiya waits.  

"I didn't uh," You clear your throat. "Wasn't planning on getting laid so y'know. Haven't shaved in a while."  

"Were you worried that I'd change my mind? I like it for the record. Feels natural." Umemiya says. "It's your body so there's nothing I would dislike about it."  

"You're too much." You reply back in earnest. You cover your face with your arms. "So cheesy."  

"I'm being serious." He says suddenly solemn with how sincere he is. 

The sudden change is amusing. You pause before breaking into genuine giggles, unable to help yourself.  

"You're really somethin', yknow that?"  

He's quiet for a long time. Long enough for it to catch your attention, turning your gaze more clearly towards his face. Swiftly, he pushes himself up to catch your mouth in another kiss. It stuns you a bit, very different to all the rest. More teeth and tongue than lip.  

"I like you," He murmurs, forehead to yours. "How can someone be so cute?"  

"Would you quit embarrassing me and get on with it?" 

He smiles. "As you wish,"  

Umemiya settles back down between your legs after easing your panties off and putting your feet flat on the bed to give himself more access. You can barely look down at him doing it. His fingers brush the slick hairs back gentle as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy apart and look at you more intimately.  

You can feel him. Feel his every breath and movement. He stares at you awestruck. "How is all of you so pretty? Even here it's such a beautiful color."  

"Stop looking so much,"  

He takes a breath, taking in your scent one more time before pressing a kiss to your clit. You make an attempt to squirm away from his grip as his finger dig into your thighs and hold you down. The strength of it knocks the wind out of you, forcing you into place. Umemiya pushes his tongue and gives you a long, tentative lick through the seam of your cunt.  

Your whole body breaks out into shivers at the sensation. The warm weight of his tongue on your sex makes feels like an electric current through water - your toes curling as he makes the same few passes over and over. He collects your pooling arousal on the tip as he drags upwards and flicks your clit tentatively. You grind against his face instinctually, hips chasing the pleasure. Amused laughter vibrates against your core as you do, mumbling at you to be patient while he's still face deep in it.  

You let out another pitchy whine before he finally stops teasing. He lays his tongue flat against your clit, cupping it lightly before drawing it around experimentally. He watches carefully as he plays around with pressure and angles - trying to see what makes you react the most. You can feel how closely he's watching you. 

You cover your mouth with your hand when he does find it, your voice breaking off as he licks carefully right where you need. He smiles into your cunt as he toys with your with the sensitive bundle of nerves, pleased by the change in your reactions. The obvious pleasure he's making you feel.  

Something blooms into your chest. You've never— 

"You're—" You close your eyes, hands tangling in the sheets as you break out into a fever. "Ngh, never had someone l-lick me,"  

He must've heard you because he seems to laser in his focus the minute you say it. He's lapping at your clit so deep, licking precisely and holding you with nose against your bush.  

You reach down tentatively, pushing back the hair falling in his face and he gives you a look so lovesick you want to run away. The pressure changes gradually, more intensely.  

It feels better somehow. Makes you feel restless. Your whole body curls in tight with want at the sensation of it, the lower expanse of your belly tensed. You're shaking as you drift closer to the edge, arousal upped by the wet sound of him sucking your clit.  

"Hajime," You warn, spine starting to arch as you helplessly try to pull away from the intense sensation. It's not familiar to your body, so much so your mind can barely make sense of what's happening to it, "Cumming—c-cumming!"  

Something in you goes undone as Umemiya keeps pace during your orgasm. All the tension inside of you suddenly comes loose - specks of white matter behind closed lids as you screw your eyes shut. Your back curves up into arch, your hips trembling, your insides pulsing. It comes running into you, crashing into your body as waves of pleasure drown out the noise in your head. He eats you out until you feel borderline hysterical.  

You feel melted and reshaped by him - yanking him off when he continues to be insistent after you're too oversensitive. He laughs when you pull him away, resting against your thigh as you take worn out heaving breaths.  

He kisses the inside of your knee as you calm down, bright smile on his features - painted pink with a slight flush. "You came. I'm so happy."  

You look at him in shock. "You're a scary guy."  

He pushes up to kiss your temple, voice soft. "Did I scare you?"  

Your stomach flutters, tucking your chin. "You were intense, but I didn't... hate it or anything."  

"Yeah?" He grins, pressing a few kisses to your cheek and face before whispering against your ear. "Then, is it okay to go farther?"  

You nod silently. Umemiya smiles.  

He stands up on his knees, pushing his hair back as your eyes are drawn to his pants. You reach out for the waistband of his pants unthinkingly, hooking your finger into it. "Isn't it stuffy?"  

He blinks, frozen before rubbing a hand across his face. "Ah a bit, but it's fine."  

"Take 'em off. Please?"  

Umemiya looks unusually distressed by the request, but follows through without another word. You watch him undress - revealing the tight black fabric of his boxer briefs snug against his waist. Your eyes go wide as you see the outline of his cock - head still half hazy. You voice your unfiltered reaction.  

"Your dick is so big,"  

He laughs breathlessly. "Are you trying to stir me up? What's with you?" He pauses to lay down besides you. You turn to lay on your side and face him a little better. "You're being cute. I'm not used to seeing you so docile."  

"Shaddup," You reply half-heartedly. Your body is still on fire but it knocked the wind of you to cum once already. "Your fault."  

He grins, a hint of smugness as he laughs. "That's true."  

"You gonna fuck me?"  

"Mm, yeah. Gotta open you up first or it'll hurt."  

"I've put stuff in before. Toys. Should be fine."   

"Still wanna play it safe. It's your precious first time after all."  

You make a face before pulling him into you, hugging him tight as your whole body breaks out in a shameful flush. "Then hurry up and do it already."  

His arms slide underneath where your laying, holding you to him as he hikes one of your legs up. He slides his free hand in over your leg - his forearm holding your thigh. You press your face to his neck and shoulder - hiding your expression. "Guess I should huh? You were always impatient,"  

You can barely tell him to shut up, the way your body waits for it. A warbled little noise leaves your mouth as he slides his middle finger through the sticky folds of your cunt - careful as it catches on your hole. Wet and so aroused, the first finger he puts in goes in completely smoothly with no real effort 

Umemiya speaks low and soft as he holds you. "I don't know if I can get used to seeing you like this. I'm glad no one else but me ever wil You’re really all I think about lately," He catches the lobe of your ear between his teeth gently. Your head spins. "People misunderstand you because you're prickly, you know? For a long time, only I knew what it felt like to be liked by you. I liked that,"  

"Why are you—mmgh," 

He slides another finger in carefully after the first one slides inside of you with no resistance. His voice is so hot against your skin, the low bass of it in your skull as he speaks so close to your ear.  

"Don't get me wrong I'm happy seeing you with so many people surrounding you. But I was a little sad too. And it kept getting worse over the years until I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time and then it clicked,” Umemiya explains. You realize half way delirious this is his real confession. God, you’re gonna kill him. “Suddenly it was all I thought about. I wanted to be special to you. I wanted to monopolize you. It was my first time having thoughts like that,”  

Another finger slides into you easily. Umemiyas fingers are so much bigger than yours. Thicker than they are long. The stretch is enough to make you gasp.  

“Hajime—“ 

He curls them up, careful until he finds the spot he’s looking for. Your body reacts, another sensation of pressure as his middle finger rubs tenderly against your gspot. You weakly try to wiggle away as he holds you firm.  

“I felt a little guilty, too. You’re my very best friend. You’re independent and diligent. Tough. But you know, when I saw you for those few months - all I could think about was how much I wanted to spoil you,” He whispers. Something in your body shifts the way touches you. Pushes in further and further - stretching until it’s easy for him to be inside. “Somehow everything I liked about you became so cute I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t help but want to dote on you over every little thing even though I knew better than anyone you didn’t need something like that.”  

Your eyes well up but not necessarily from emotion. Totally overwhelmed. You don’t feel like you’re gonna cum but there’s something else that’s waiting and each time he thrusts his fingers into you it comes a little closer. Your voice is shaking.  

“It—fuck, quit talking. Somethings gonna—“  

His smile grows a little. It’s the first time it looks so hungry.  

“I was happy in general when I realized you liked me too. Even when you were being stubborn, I liked the way you couldn’t turn me away. I liked how happy you looked talking to me as usual as if that alone was something so precious,” He hums, so focused and precise as he stretches you open on a third finger but never once losing his train of thought. Like saying all of these comes to him so easily it doesn’t matter. “I didn’t want to corner you. But it felt like I couldn’t rest until you were mine completely. Which is why I’m being so unfair to you. Why I’m so persistent. ” 

Your voice breaks on a whine. “It’s gonna come out—“  

“You make a pretty face when your heads filled with nothing but me. I don’t think it’s bad to wanna stay that way,” He hums, almost conversational as he presses a kiss to your skin. “Go on. Let go,”  

Something hot sprays between your legs as Umemiya fucks you open on all three of his fingers.  

A rush of warm liquid squirts onto your sheets as your legs shake wearily. Umemiya marvels at the mess. Your hands curl into fists, nails digging in your palms as he finally pulls them out - leaving you stretched, almost gaping.  

You lay limp in soaked sheets as you pull away from Umemiya with a very weak glare.  

He’s smiling at you, dopey and lovesick.  

“Too much?”  

Angrily, you smack at his bare chest over and over, trying to recover your pride.  

“You’re insane. What’s,” You swallow thickly. “What’s with you.”  

He shrugs. Wordless, he flips you onto your back again before hovering over top of you. Pressing his forehead to yours, he brushes your noses together and plants a tentative peck on your lips as if trying to gauge whether or not you’re upset. He melts when you kiss him back, smiling happily.  

“Were you like this with your other girlfriends? No wonder they broke up with you,”  

He laughs. “Mm, no? I was more of a gentleman.”  

You break out into another exhausted fit of laughter.  

“Pfft, yeah? Guess I’m pretty special,” 

“Yeah. You are.” He kisses you again. “Wanna keep going or are you too tired? I don’t mind if we sleep.”  

“Stupid. I said it already didn’t I? Hurry up and fuck me.”  

“Okay, okay. Let me go get the condom from my wallet,”  

You wrap your legs around his waist and stare up at him plainly as he tries to move, keeping him pinned in place. You’re frowning, brows furrowed with a hard glare. He stares at you.  

“Did you want something else? Water?”  

“Want you to fuck me,” You restate, arms reaching up to circle around his neck. “Just do it already.” 

He pulls back to look at you seriously.  

“Do you know what you’re asking?”  

You flush. “Of course I do. Stupid. Are you trying to get me to say it out loud?”  

“I might think I’m deluding myself otherwise.”  

You sigh, looking at him flatly as you try to tamp down the part of you that’s screaming to be more tactful.  

“Don’t bother with the condom, a-alright? Or pulling out,”  

He looks like he’s experiencing the shock of his life. “But…” 

“Stop being dumb or I’m never gonna have sex with you again.”  

He nods suddenly solemn. “Fine. But,”  

You give him another look that silences him. He sighs again, getting the message before kissing your cheek and pull back to sit up on his knees between your legs. Pulling his briefs down, his cock springs free. It looks a lot bigger than you saw underneath the fabric, weighed down from it’s own weight even though it stands up stiff. He opened you up with three but you wonder if it’ll be enough not to stretch you open.  

You reach your hand out to touch it tentatively, feeling it’s weight and heft. He clears his throat but seems content to let you. The palms of your hands cup the shaft, feeling all the veins pulse. The tip is sticky with precum. You pull your hand away, another sudden wave of self consciousness overwhelming you.  

Umemiya hovers over you again, placing he length of his cock against your pussy. You shift a little feeling it slide against you, hard and hot.  

“Gonna put it in now, okay?”  

Nodding, you put your legs up. You take a deep breath when the head pushes in, letting out an involuntary noise. You feel well-stretched but the thickness of his cock is still enough to make you feel it in your legs. Umemiya is focused above you, barely sliding the tip through your folds as you open up around him. The air feels punched out of your lungs on just the first inch.  

His face is strained is he holds his hips steady, leaning down to tap your foreheads together. “Feeling okay?”  

“Mm,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. Feels different.”  

“Different?”  

“Yours is bigger than all the stuff I own,” You explain. “Feels hotter. Harder, too.”  

You feel his cock twitch inside of you suddenly, shocking you. He smiles sheepishly.  

“Gonna push in a little more, okay?”  

You nod, watching as Umemiya so slowly presses his cock into you further. Enough that it doesn’t hurt when you take him, as much as it just feels like something is inside of you. You feel a warm sense of satisfaction at how full you feel. You feel like him like he’s in your stomach, taking up so much space. After a while of pushing, stopping, and going again  - he finally bottoms out.  

“You feel incredible,” He murmurs, half-smile on his face. Your stomach flutters. “It’s hard not to cum right away. Feels so good inside of you. I love you.”  

You feel yourself twitch, frowning at the expression of delight Umemiya has. You put your hand against his fact to keep him away but he kisses your palm and moves it. Bottomed out, he grasps both hands and holds them  - pinning them to the bed as you watch him wide-eyed.  

“Think you’re used to it?” He hums, clasping your fingers together. “Is it okay if I move?”  

You feel so damn bashful. “It’s okay.” 

He kisses your forehead. “I’ll go slow.” 

As promised, Umemiya pulls out carefully before pushing back into you. You’re so wet that it slides in without any real friction. It takes a few thrusts of him going slowly for your body to get adjusted to the sensation. After a few motions, though - it starts to feel different.  

Starts to feel good. Really, really good.  

“Oh,” Your eyes flutter open. “Shit. You c-can go faster.”   

“Yeah?”  

You nod, trying not to seem too eager. 

When Umemiya picks up pace, you feel your  the whole lower half of your body weaken all over again. Something in your legs, your spine go soft against the bed underneath, a sudden unusual arousal swelling. Somewhere in deeper as he cocks thrusts against your gspot, knocking against it with more force than before. The change in pace coupled with the visual of Umemiya over you, face drawn together in focus as he fucks you is too much. Split open on his cock, you can hear how wet you are each time he moves.  

“Feels…” Your words come up empty. “’s so much.” 

“Yeah? Is it too much for you, baby?”  

You shake your head as your thoughts get increasingly cloudy. It’s like there’s nothing else your body can focus on. The way his cock drags against your sensitive, silken walls. The feeling of being full to empty and then full all over again. The way your pussy gets so much wetter each time he moves, sloppy and sucking him in so tight. You can feel your body want for him.  

Umemiya lets go of your hands, sliding one between your bodies. Palm resting on your sex, he lets his brush against your clit. The difference it makes is significant, makes your eyes go wide. He smiles a little, hair falling in his face as he pushes it up with his free hand.  

“That’s it,” He hums, contented to keep at it like this. “Feels good, right? Your holding onto me so tightly it’s hard for me to pull out even though you’re so wet.”  

You make a whiny noise and wonder if other peoples first times feel this good or if you’re just outrageously lucky. You decide on the latter he fucks you faster and matches his thrusts with the movement of his fingers. You’re warm all over - skin scorching as your hands find his biceps and shoulders to cling onto.  

Your voice is so whiny when you call out for him “You’re so deep, ngh.”  

He laughs, deep and raspy. “Yeah? Tell me what you’re feeling,”  

“It feels good when you’re in me.” You reply drunkenly. “Want it faster. Please,”  

He complies with your request almost immediately. You cry out loud, physically incapable of holding the sound in as he gets to fucking you faster and harder. Your pussy is throbbing. Senselessly horny, you pull Umemiya closer to you as he fucks you and smash your lips together. You feel so good, so thoroughly fucked and completely out of it. He’s in you but you want him even closer, want the scent of his skin to mark you.  

A second time your body builds up to that familiar feeling but it’s so much farther inside. An orgasm pulled right from your core. Stomach tied in knots as Umemiya fucks you hard, you wrap your legs around his waist and take him. 

“That’s it. You’re so good. Cum on my cock, sweet girl. Let me feel it” He murmurs against your skin, holding you close. “You’re making me feel so good. So cute. Go ahead, it’s okay. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.”  

Pliant to his request, you hold onto Umemiya for dear life as your body gives into second orgasm. Your nails dig into his biceps as the built up arousal gives way pleasure - and you cum hard with his cock sheathed all the way inside of you. All the wind gets stolen from your lungs as you press forward with another kiss, your whole body trembling violently as you let go.  

Umemiya sweet talks you through without letting go once, only stopping to take a pause when you’ve fully ridden out your high.  

You stare up at him in a daze as he takes a breather to kiss you, still hard as he’s bottomed out inside of you.  

“You gonna cum soon?”  

“Mm,” He nods. “Yeah I’m close. If I move, I will.”  

“’s okay to cum in me,”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “I’m already about too. You’re not helping,”  

You smile a bit as you hug him close to you and tell him again that it’s fine. Before long, he holds you too, whispering the same three words into your neck as he finally lets it out. It’s a weird feeling, thick white ropes of seed spilling into the deepest parts of you.  

You don’t really hate it, though.  

“I love you,” Umemiya repeats. Tired you don’t try to fight yourself.  

“Love you too,”  

__ 

The next morning, you’re stirred away by the sound of your front door unlocking and the sound of Kotoha’s voice echoing through your apartment.  

You’re still half-way asleep, so it barely dawns on you that anything is off. Not cognizant enough to think twice, your body tries to go back to sleep.  

Or it does until you hear a very loud shout coming from your kitchen that wakes you up with a start.  

“No fucking way,”  

You sit up suddenly, hearing faint conversation before the sound of steps barreling towards your door. You just barely manage to pull the sheets up over your chest before she comes storming through the door of your bedroom.  

You watch her eyes scan your entire room, mentally collecting data before she finally lands on you. As your brain starts to load back in, your eyes go wide with horror at the look of pure scandal on her face.  

Fuck. You were supposed to be having dinner with her and Tsubaki tonight. Usually you confirm with them in the mornings since your up. It’s not uncommon for her to drop in when you don’t reply to check in since you live close by. 

Fuck.  

“You—Oh, I have to text Tsubaki-chan, I can’t believe—“  

Before she gets to finish her sentence, Umemiya appears behind her in your door way. The sight of him only adds fuel to the flame of your embarrassment. You went another round or two before bed last night and it looks like it too. Shirtless in sweats he left over a while ago, his biceps are covered in scratch and with a few hickies, he’s wearing his hair down with a cup of tea and a very apologetic smile.  

You cover your face with your hands unsure of how to deal with the feeling of pure mortification.  

Kotoha snaps a picture of your room that causes even more distress.  

“If you don’t delete that right now, I’m gonna kill us both.”  

“In your dreams.”  

Umemiya laughs warmly. “Please don’t kill each other.”  

He slides past Kotoha coming over to you. Bending down to kiss your forehead, he pulls the blanket up over you so you’re more well-covered. You give him an incredulous but Umemiya is unfazed - smiling as bright as ever. 

“Good morning,”  

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kotoha says. She points at Umemiya. “You, go put on a shirt.”  

“Fine, fine. Stay for breakfast,” Umemiya says with a smile. “It’ll be nice having it with my two favorite people.”  

You make another face as Umemiya gives you a long, affectionate look before disappearing. She sighs as she looks at you, pinching the bridge of her nose.  

“I would ask if you’re gonna meet us for dinner but you don’t have a choice anymore so show up at seven. I’m gonna leave before that tactless idiot comes back. We’ll talk later.”  

You nod in understanding. She turns to leave but then turns back with a genuine smile.  

“And, well - congrats. He’s a tactless idiot but he does love you or whatever. Cherish each other,”  

You flush, nodding your head. “Yeah…thanks.”  

With that Kotoha leaves quickly. Umemiya returns still shirtless, pouting a little when he notices she’s gone.  

“She left already?”  

“Of course she did. I can’t believe you would invite her for breakfast.”   

Umemiya shrugs. “No point being coy about it. I thought it’d be nice. I was looking for a shirt but I guess I don’t need one now,” He sits besides you on the bed, turning to face with a goofy smile. “Anyways, good morning.”  

“You already said that.”  

“You didn’t say it back,”  

You frown. “G’morning,”  

He smiles suddenly  before grabbing you from underneath the blankets and sheets - pulling your naked body ontop of him as he grins. Sunlight pours through the window as he holds you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head before pressing his cheek into your hair.  

“Mm, yeah. It’s a really good morning after all.”  

“You’re stupid.”  

“And you love me,”  

You fail trying not to smile.  Damn him. You're so happy it hurts. You roll your eyes.

“I guess so.”  

[enwoso]

I MISS YOU, I’M SORRY — alessia russo

based loosely off the song by gracie abram’s. i rewrote this three times and i’ve got it to where i’m happy with it. wouldn’t say it’s my best but hey ho. if there’s part that don’t make sense i do apologise i wrote some of this while being half asleep🙃

ANYWAYS hope you all enjoy! it’s a long one<33

masterlist

"i miss you" her raspy voice echoed down your phone, as she slurred over and over how she missed you. the sound of the music blaring in the background told you that she was out in a club.

whilst you were sat on your couch at home, in some old joggers and a hoodie which most definitely had toothpaste stains on it. love island playing as you were catching up on the last few episodes you'd missed, which was playing just as white noise at the moment.

"alessia, you need to go and find the rest of the girls." you said bluntly, the blonde having told you moments before her i miss you rant that she was out with the arsenal girls, which you probably could have guessed anyways after there win in the league early in the day.

but you also wanted to get back to your series, wishing you weren't having this conversation with your ex but you also couldn't find it in yourself to just hang up on her as you didn't want her to be in any harm — especially while she was drunk.

why did you still care?

"i miss you, y/n" she slurred out again, you could imagine the stupid dopey smile on her face as she said the words, her drunken ramble continuing, "i wish you were here, i miss your cute smile and, and those lips. i miss everything about you."

"alessia can you please just go and find the girls" you begged not wanting to carry on hearing her pleads but you also couldn't bring yourself to press the red button which your finger had loomed over for the past ten minutes.

"i'm sorry for everything y/n, i know you hate me but i still love you, i promise" the blonde slowly slurred out again as you could hear the pout in her voice as she spoke.

you didn't hate her, well maybe you didn’t, you hadn't quite figured that out yet where the blonde stood in your mind.

more just trying to space yourself away from everything that happened with alessia however that proved pretty difficult when you both played football, maybe not for the same team anymore but you'd still see her at england camp.

"alessia, please can you just tell me who i can call to make sure your gonna be safe?" you hated that you still cared, that you had stayed on the phone listening to her ramble drunkenly on about you for the past twenty minutes.

knowing that by the morning she wouldn't even remember it or anything she had said so why were you sat listening?

"can you stop callin' me alessia. i'm baby, less, darling, pretty girl, gorgeous—" she began to rattle out all the names you used to call her, opening up another wound you had spent months healing as with each words she spoke you could feel her opening more and more.

"alessia! will you just answer the damn question!" you yelled down the phone, cutting her off as the frustration growing in your voice was obvious, your patience was wearing thin. you didn't want to hear her voice anymore.

hearing the blonde mumble something about your bluntness, as she hummed on probably trying to figure out herself who would be the best option.

"lotte."

after the drunken call you'd gotten from your ex, you hadn't heard anything from her. not that you expected her too. she wasn't yours to be worried about, but it had left you confused especially over her words. they lingered in the back of your mind. what if she meant it. drunk words are sober thoughts as they say after all.

you knew now though you were just strangers who show up but don't matter enough to each other to be friends. however deep down you knew you had too much history to be just strangers.

weeks had gone since that night and you were arriving at england camp for the set of friendlies which were happening in sunny spain, arriving with the rest of the manchester united girls, you knew she was here. you'd seen it on instagram.

so once you arrived you could feel the tension rising in your shoulders and your chest. grabbing your key for your room and heading straight up there wanting to avoid any chance of running into her.

you hadn't seen her since december, in the home game against arsenal. you both didn't say a word to each other, you wouldn't even look in her direction. so the thought of seeing her again was sending you into hard drive, you weren't sure how you'd react, if you'd react at all.

getting yourself changed and flopping onto the bed you'd call your own for the next ten days. your body realxing into the soft sheets, as you began to flick through the channels on the tv hoping that something would take your interest.

however, you only got two clicks in when there was knocks echoeing through your room. a loud groan coming from you as you pulled yourself up from the comfort of your bed, dragging your socked feet towards the door and opening it.

"mary-"

"come on, everyone's waiting for you to come down" mary interrupted you as you looked on with a confused look, "what for?"

"cause we're watching a film as a team and if your not there then we aren't a team!" mary stated as if it was obvious reaching out to grab your arm as you nodded.

"wait! let me get my keycard!" you said quickly, stopping the door from closing as you heard a tusk of the teeth from the goalkeeper as she mumbled out her complaints. grabbing your keycard off the side table and slipping the card into your pocket, praying you wouldn't forget where you'd put it.

walking down the corridors of the hotel complex the FA had situated the team in, side by side with mary it felt a little eerie. something felt off but you couldn't quite put a finger to it.

coming out the elevator as mary continued to chat your ears off, about anything and everything. from telling you what she did last weekend to what she had for breakfast this morning. but you didn't mind, you would class mary as one of your closest friends in football.

she'd been there for you from the very first day you started at united, helping you settle in to helping you navigate your feelings after she happened.

although you didn't say it very often, you were very thankful for her and you honestly dreaded to think where you'd be without mary, even more so in the past few months.

which is why- you were brought out your thoughts as you felt yourself walk into something or rather someone.

"i wasn't looking- sorry" the blonde mumbled stumbling over her words a little as she looked up from her phone, a slight look of shock on her face when she realised who she'd actually walked into.

"s'fine" you said simply, taking in the blonde’s appearance a little. her hair scraped back in a low bun,

the shorter strands sticking out of the bun. she'd cut her hair again, you could tell. dressed in a grey hoodie and some blue england shorts, her legs bare as her socks covered her feet.

her blue eyes which you'd spent many of your nights getting lost staring into— why were you still stood there?

forcing your body to move, not before catching her disappointed look on her face at the few words you'd spoke to her. the blonde looking as if she was going to say something but her lips pressed back together as she carried on walking the way she was going originally.

"well.. that was a tiny bit awkward!" mary murmured as an awkward laugh came from her, you totally forgetting that mary was stood next to you as you tried to steady your breathing to go back to normal.

"well you could have warned me!"

after the awkward interaction with the blonde in the hallway, you’d noticed her small looks towards you before she would quickly look away. probably in fear of you catching her staring at you.

it was now down time and you were sat on one of the sun lounges, hoping to catch a few of the sun rays. with your book in hand and a fresh bottle of ice cold water you had your afternoon sorted.

glancing every few minutes or whenever a loud cheer came from the girls who were playing a game in the pool. your eyes immediately looking for the blonde before you would switch your eyes to someone else.

"why don't you just talk to her?" mary had noticed you looking towards the blonde, especially in the past few days. the goalkeeper being sat on the lounger just next to you.

she'd known since the day you joined united and no matter how many times you would say you were over the blonde or that you didn't care. mary knew that couldn't be further from the truth, she could tell. she's didn't need you to admit it out loud to know.

but mary had been put in a little bit of a hard position when the break up happened. as she was close with both you and alessia. hearing both sides of the story and giving you both advice which from the older girl you both valued deeply. however mary always claimed herself to be switzerland when asked who side to take.

the only side mary was taking was the side where both her close friends were happy whether that was the two of you happy together again, or if that was you happy with someone else. although deep down she was hoping for the first option!

"talk to who?" you tried the oblivious act, as you turned the page of your book. your eyes trying to follow the words on the page.

pretending you didn't know who she was talking about in hopes you would avoid the topic all together as well as hoping the conversation would change. but you also knew how stubborn mary could be.

"y/n don't play thick with me, you know who i mean" mary gave you the pointed look that told you she wasn't going to give up until you gave her an answer.

"maz i- i can't." you stutters over your words as you saw the sympathetic nod and smile that the goalkeeper sent your way. mary understood why, but she was also close with a certain blonde and knew exactly how she felt.

"but what's stopping you? i know that brain of yours has been whizzing with questions since you know, it ended on a sour note" mary began as you placed your book on your chest, turning over to face mary listening to her as she spoke.

"you don't have to magically become best friends or even be friends for that matter, just what have you got to loose by talking to her?" mary shrugged, as you hummed looking up from the ground. you knew mary was right you didn't have anything else to loose.

"mhm i'll think about it"

you were in london, not by personal choice. united had been playing chelsea in the fa cup. after a full 90' minutes on the pitch you had been longing for your bed since the final whistle blew.

but you'd gone out and had a few drinks with the girls to celebrate before returning to the hotel as the some of the other girls where going off into the next club along the street.

you'd just gotten changed and was about to begin brushing your teeth when there was a quiet knock ringing around your hotel room. at first you thought you'd imagined it but the knocks continued this time a little louder and more continuous.

huffing and placing your toothbrush on the side of the sink, "mary! i haven't got-" you opened the door thinking it would be mary asking if you had a spare key card for her room except it wasn't.

"oh" you whispered as you stared at the last person you thought would be standing at your door just past midnight.

"alessia what are you doing here?" you asked dismissively, wondering how she even knew where you were staying.

"um i was hoping to talk.. to you" you could tell she was nervous, her quiet tone which had replaced her usual confident tone not only gave it away but the fact she was swaying slightly from side to side. a thing she did when she was overthinking something.

"at quarter past twelve in the morning?" you pointed out tiredly looking at her as she timidly nodded before opening her mouth again.

"it's just- i've been wanting to talk to you for ages but it never seemed like the right time- and mary she said where you were saying-" she explained as you still held the same confused look still not quite grasping the fact she was stood at your hotel door at stupid o'clock in the morning but maybe that was also the alcohol in your system slowing your thought process down.

the blonde noticed the hesitated look on your face. "i'm sorry, this is stupid- i'll go. forget i was ever here. i'm sorry" alessia spoke fast, beginning to spin on her heel, not giving you a chance to respond.

but you quickly before she got to far away grabbed her arm pulling her back towards you. why? you didn't know yourself but something inside you was telling you to hear her out.

"no, i'm just a little shocked, you can come in" you said shallowly, moving out the way as the blonde wondered into your hotel room. taking a deep breath in as you shut the door behind you reminding yourself mental to have a chat with mary tomorrow.

"so?" you asked, hoping she would get to why she was actually here watching from behind as the blonde took a seat on your bed, you sitting on the one opposite her.

"i just wanted to see where we stand with each other-" the blonde started as you scoffed a small smile appearing on your face it dropped just a quick as you realised she was serious, "really?"

"yes y/n, look i know you hate me and you have every right to but i just want us to be civil or friends or something. i don't know" the blonde huffed as you nodded slightly with what she was saying.

a silence filling up the room, and an awkward silence at that.

"i miss you and i'm sorry for the way things ended" alessia admitted as your head snapped up. memories of the words she said to you when she was drunk flooding back within a second.

you paused, your head spinning giving you a slight headache, but that could also be from the shots you had taken mere hours ago. “i don’t hate you..” you whispered. this time the blonde looking at you her head tilted slightly sensing the fact you weren’t finished with what you needed to say.

“you don’t?” alessia asked, a slight bit of relief coming over her as you shook your head.

“i don’t but you really fucking hurt me alessia, i know you moved to arsenal for your career. and i’m not trying to take anything away from you for that cause i’ll admit your shining there. but i was your girlfriend. i thought you loved me and you just threw me to the side as if i meant nothing as if our relationship meant nothing!” you paused, taking a deep breathe as you continued.

“i had to ask your fucking teammates how you were doing just to know if you were okay cause you couldn’t seem to find the time answer my messages or calls..” you trailed off, your eyes starting to fill with tears.

“do you know what that felt like, to feel so unimportant to someone that i cared and loved so much and someone who was supposed to love me.” you breathed out rubbing over your eyes to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks.

alessia looked at you were pure sorrow in her eyes, a sad smile on her face as she looked down at her hands playing with the gold ring that sat on her middle finger on her left hand.

“i didn’t know..” alessia whispered, still sliding her ring on and off her hand unable to look at you as guilt filled her body from your confession.

“of course you didn’t! you never made an effort once you moved to london!” you spat back, instantly regretting the out-lash as you pinched the bridge of your nose. before moving from sitting opposite the blonde to sit next to her on your bed.

“all i want is a second chance, just as friends nothing more. i meant it when i said i miss you” alessia confessed as you hummed. “i could say it a thousand times that i’m sorry for what i put you through but that won’t do it justice, i just want for our past to be put behind us.. and i would like to get to know you, the new you. if that’s okay with you.” alessia smiled as you nodded.

“so friends then?” you asked, alessia moving her eye line to meet yours her smile still on her face. “friends!” she moved slightly forward to hug you but stopped half way thinking she misread the situation spluttering an apology out as you shook your head wrapping your arms around the blonde in a friendly hug, pulling away after a few seconds.

“so do you still like ketchup with everything?”

part of you should have known you could never just be friends with the blonde. after the night where you spent with her in your hotel room talking the entire night, getting to know each other. rediscovering old habits and discovering new ones.

you found yourself wanting her attention. needing it.

after getting only a few hours sleep that night, you having a hard time saying goodbye to her after only just gotten her back in your life after so long. you didn’t want to say bye, again.

“i don’t want to go” you whined like a child as you slowly did your hair as a giggle came from alessia who was sprawled out on the bed.

“you have to though! we can see each other soon” alessia promised as you still sat tying a hair tie in your hair a huff coming from you. “but that’s too long!”

“it won’t be, either i’ll come up to you or you can come down to me”

and much to both of your promises only a week later after constant messages and facetimes, you found yourself at the blondes apartment in london. finding your first next free day and getting the first train down.

as you spent the evening watching a film, both cuddled up on her couch eating dinner which she had prepared and made before the night coming to a close and as you were going to the guest bedroom, her hand capturing yours and pulling you into her room.

you weren’t gonna lie it did feel weird to be this close to her after so long trying to distance yourself from her, but everything you knew lead you back to her.

you were lying on her bed face to face, as her hand gently came up to move the strand of hair from your face.

a small sigh coming from you, you felt at peace again. as alessia looked at you with nothing but love in those blue eyes of her, looking at you as if you were the only person in the world.

her hand dropping from your face, but before it could drop to its original place you grabbed it. lacing your hand between her, you noticing how your hands fitted perfectly together. together like a puzzle piece.

"i love you so much." she said quietly, a slight smile appearing on your face. but just as quickly as your hand laced with hers, she kissed you.

you responded with such enthusiasm that alessia was a little taken aback at first, but regained her thoughts and reminded herself of what was happening.

alessia was really kissing you.

you were really kissing her.

a feeling you'd been craving for just under a year, since the last time she set foot in your apartment in manchester. when she kissed you goodbye on the cheek, as you stood there shoulders sunken in and lifeless.

nothing could have meant more than her, nothing could have have more beauty than this moment. the way her hands pressed into your chest, the way her blue eyes fluttered closed. you fit into her like a glove, her kiss was like the beating of a butterfly's wings. so soft and wholesome until it became addictive.

and in those few moments you were reminded of why you fell for alessia in the first place. her scent was what you craved. you wanted to have her close to you, unsure where she ended and you began. you’d rather walk through hell again and again then lose her again.

her entrancing eyes, her captivating smile against your lips, her laugh when you did something silly, her hair which now hung just at her shoulder height as she looked at you, her raspy morning voice, her love was everything to you.

but your stupid, stupid lungs had to find air again, as you pulled away from her still lingering in close proximity to her. somehow alessia had moved position as she was now hovering over you, as she straddled you.

she was looking down at you with such an inviting warmth that you wanted to kiss her again, the silence still lingered as she pulled away you adjusting yourself to sit a little upright. a heat rising to your face.

"sorry, i-i shouldn't have..." you trailed of quietly looking at your fingers playing with the rings that you wore.

"what do you mean?" she said softly, watching the your worry struck face. "that wa- it's okay love"

"o-okay?" your voice was hoarse. you cleared your throat, laughing a little before she made the move to kiss you again.

"we'll take it slow, i promise. but i know what i want and that for you to be in my future and if i have to wait then that's what i'll do." alessia spoke with such reassurance and pureness, that made your heart beat just that little faster as you nodded.

a small smile coming onto the blondes face as she leaned forwards to place a gentle kiss onto your cheek.

"i love you, so much."

[tommystummy]

On their way to a fire, Buck opens his big mouth and says something very stupid. Not an unusual occurrence but this one is unique: “Hey, Hen? Can I ask you a gay people question?”

Hen side-eyes him. “Are you sure now’s the best time?” The engine shakes on its suspension.

Buck blusters forward. “So Tommy and I have been dating a month and a half now.” The mention of Tommy grabs both Chim and Eddie’s attention.

“Wait, really?” Chim asks, Hen’s not sure if he thought it was shorter or longer than that. His memory of time seems to be the worst hit by the encephalitis.

“2 months next Thursday.” Eddie says.

“Y-yeah… that’s right.” Buck raises his eyebrows at Eddie. The rest all stare, Hen included. Those two have always been locked at the hip but knowing each other’s anniversaries seems excessive. Buck seems to agree.

“How do you know that?” She asks.

“Their first date was the same day I asked Marisol to move in with me.”

“When did Marisol move in with you?” Hen and Chimney ask in unison. Last she heard about Marisol she had only just met Chris, moving in seemed a long way off for them. Since when was she living with him?

“She didn’t” Bobby answers, giving his sternest glare to the rear view mirror. Hen knows this means she’s in charge of keeping these fools in check so he can focus on driving.

“Yeah we decided against that. Anyway Buck you were talking about Tommy?” Hen stifles a laugh. There was a story there she was going to have to wring out of Bobby because Eddie’s deflection abilities are legendary.

“Yeah so- um- ho-how long before we can uh…”Hen cocks her head. What exactly is Buck after with Tommy right now, they’re not nearly to the point of I love yous and she doesn’t think Buck would be this nervous about dating advice. “I mean how long did you and Karen wait until you, uh” Oh.

“Had sex?” Hen asks bluntly.

“Whoa, you and Tommy haven’t had sex yet?” Chimney asks, astonished.

“Buck when’s the last time you waited this long with anyone?” Eddie asks with a cocked eyebrow.

“Never? Maybe high school?” That tracks.

“Or Abby.” Chim offers. Buck winces at that. She knows that woman did him dirty, looks like the scar still aches.

“Six minutes to ETA.” Comes from the drivers seat. “5 and a half…” Bobby takes a sharp turn that shakes the whole truck. “5 minutes.”

“So how do I ask him to fuck me.”

A chorus of “BUCK!” rings through the truck. Eddie looks petrified at the idea of his best friends having sex with each other, Chim looks exhausted with his brother-in-law of barely a month and look, Hen would give the world to see this kid happy but sometimes he’s just too stupid for his own good.

“Buck. I think you need to remember Tommy doesn’t have a lot of experience in this area either.”

“He doesn’t?”

“Did you forget he’s only been out as long as you’ve been at the 118?” Hen learned that about Tommy from Buck’s gushing the day after the wedding. She’d also talked to him in a fluorescent lit waiting room after the most gorgeous hospital ceremony she’s ever been a part of, so she’s aware that he’s not used to being with men that want more than just sex from him. “He might think you’re just as nervous as he is.”

“I didn’t know he got nervous.”

Chim huffs at that. “Next time you see him ask him to tell you a story about a rooster.” That makes Hen smile.

“He probably won’t believe you’re ready until you can talk to him about it.”

“I don’t— I-it usually just kind of happens. You get a look, there’s a nod, they look at your lips and lean in…”

“Yeah but that was women who knew what they wanted and what you wanted. Tommy won’t know unless you tell him what you’re ready for.”

“So to get him to fuck me I have to tell him to fuck me?”

“Jesus, Buck. Yes.” Hen laughs. They are, thankfully, finally pulling to site so she doesn’t have to enumerate exactly how he needs to ask. If she did she’d have to explain birds and bees that she is not the best person to explain.

“Come on, kids, let’s save some lives.” Bobby calls as he pulls the parking break.

The fire looks pretty bad, two story house, they’ll have to split up by floor. As they gear up Buck says, privately, off-mic. “Thanks Hen, you’re a good Gay Yoda”

“Do him or do not, there is no try.”

[separatist-apologist]

The Sweetest Con

Summary: Nesta Archeron has been trapped in witness protection for the past five years, hiding a secret no one can ever learn. All she has to do is wait out the criminals back home determined to punish her and her sisters for a lie they told years before.

She can handle anything- even the new agent sent to keep her safe.

Read on AO3

Five years earlier:

She wasn’t used to Georgia’s humidity. 

Nesta never wanted to get used to it. Standing just outside the little white house that now belonged to her, Nesta wiped sweat from the back of her neck. The town was small—no more than a couple thousand people, if that. No big buildings, no major downtown, and worst of all, no Chinese food. Not unless she wanted to creep closer to Atlanta and given that Nesta’s car was a piece of rusting junk built a full decade before she was born, she doubted she’d make it.

So much for being a hot shot lawyer. 

Nesta dumped her bag just inside the white picket fence, ignoring the peeling paint and splintering wood. It was the kind of place Elain would have thrived in. With a sigh, Nesta turned her back entirely on the overgrown yard and began walking along the only road in the town to the center—aptly named Main Street. 

There was practically no one out. A few older woman walked with looped arms down the sidewalks while a harried mother pushing a stroller made her way toward the only grocery store. Nesta made her way toward the marble carved library, taking the steps one at a time despite the unrelenting sun overhead.

The air inside was ice cold and empty save of two women who were quietly talking to each other. One of them—the red head—clearly worked there given she was behind the desk. The other sat perched on the counter, a book in her lap. They had been clearly talking with some animation though now that Nesta had intruded, the pair stared with wary suspicion.

Nesta hadn’t come to make friends. Lifting her chin with all the haughtiness her mother had instilled in her, Nesta marched toward the shelves lined with fantasy and romance and began reading the jackets. 

She needed a distraction. All she could think about lately was what would happen if Rhysand ever found them. Surely he was irate…he’d be out for blood. They’d flat out lied, pointing the finger straight at the notorious mafioso and the feds, in their eagerness to put him away, had overlooked all the evidence suggesting otherwise.

But Rhysand would know.

And Nesta wanted to forget him. Mobsters lived short lives, besides—in a year, he might be dead and the whole thing over. She could keep herself busy for that long. So long as the library kept books on the shelves, Nesta could find something to do.

She brought them to the front desk where the red head and the dark haired woman waited. “Library card?” The woman’s name tag read Gwyn. 

“No,” Nesta said, fishing out her new drivers license. Agnes Smith. Sure. That sounded real. “Here.”

Gwyn eyed it for a moment. “You don’t look like an Agnes.”

“Tell that to my mom.”

Gwyn began typing on her computer, glancing at Nesta’s ID. “Emerie,” the dark skinned, dark haired woman said with a friendlier smile. “I think you look like an Agnes.” Gwyn rolled her eyes. 

“You should come by the general store,” Emerie added, glancing at the ID for Nesta’s address. “You moved into the old Brandon house.”

“Grizzly murder happened there,” Gwyn said seriously.

“Did not. He died of all old age,” Emerie said quickly. “It’s been run down for a while. I’d be happy to help you out.”

“Do you like women?” Gwyn asked suddenly and bluntly. 

Taken aback, Nesta said, “Um…not really—romantically, anyway.”

Emerie sighed. “It was worth a shot.”

Nesta almost blurted out that she’d still take friends before she thought better of it. No need to be defensive or obsessive. “Where is everyone today?”

“It’s ten am,” Gwyn said.

“They’re at church,” Emerie replied when it was clear Nesta didn’t understand. 

“But not you?” Nesta questioned.

Gwyn handed her ID back, along with a white library card bearing her pretend name. “We aren’t welcome.”

“Why?”

Emerie grimaced while Gwyn scanned Nesta’s book. “They think I’m a homewrecker…and Emerie likes women. Openly.” 

“Fuck them,” Nesta said without thinking. It was the first smile she’d seen from Gwyn—a small, half formed thing, but a smile all the same. “We should start our own religion.”

“That sounds like blasphemy,” Emerie teased.

“It sounds like witchcraft,” Gwyn added, pushing Nesta’s stack of books toward her. “I’m in.”

Which was how Nesta found herself hosting brunch that Sunday with two strangers in a house that didn’t belong to her.

PRESENT:

“Who is that?” Emerie asked, sitting on Nesta’s front porch holding a sweating glass of iced tea. 

“He’s not local at all,” Gwyn agreed, lowering her sunglasses to take a look at the tall, muscular man making his way toward Nesta’s gate. Wearing mirrored shades and a suit that was bursting at the seams, he looked like he was playing dress up as a cop.

His dark, wavy hair half pulled in a bun didn’t seem regulation, for one. But something about him seemed off somehow. 

“He one of yours?” Gwyn questioned. Nesta had long since betrayed the secrecy she’d been sworn to, telling her friends everything but the most critical piece of truth in order to protect Feyre. 

Nesta scratched her ear. No, this man was definitely not one of hers. 

“Want us to stay?” Gwyn asked, likely thinking about the shotgun mounted in the back of her pick-up truck.

“I can handle him,” Nesta assured them. Gwyn and Emerie stood, leaving behind their cups to slip from the yard. Gwyn nodded at the man once, lips pressed into a thin line of disapproval. That left Nesta standing at the top of her porch steps wearing a butter yellow sundress, arms crossed over her chest.

“Ma’am,” he the man began as he approached, his expression unreadable. She waited, watching as he took off his sunglasses only for recognition to slam into her. Oh. She knew this man from pictures.  “My name is Cassian.”

Rhysands right hand man. Nesta didn’t move, unwilling to betray she knew who he was. “What can I do for you, Cassian?”

Not even a fake name? Was he that confident she’d never done one google search? He had a mugshot, had appeared in the papers just enough times for Nesta to recognize him. They called him The Lord of Bloodshed thanks to his rumored job of handling the things Rhysand didn’t want staining his hands or his conscience. 

And that man was standing at the bottom of her steps, armed just beneath his suit jacket. 

“I’m here on behalf of your case,” he said like a pretty liar. 

“Oh? Has something happened?”

“An indictment is coming. I’m to escort you back home once Rhysand has been charged.”

Liar.

Still, there was no reason to call him out on it. If Rhysand had found her, he must be still looking for her sisters. She didn’t believe for a minute he’d found Feyre—his bruiser would have pointed his gun at her by way of greeting had he. No, they were monitoring her.

And Nesta could watch them right back. 

So she smiled, hoping she seemed innocent and sweet. “What a relief,” she lied, stepping to the side so he could come up. “I was starting to think I’d be trapped here forever.”

“Can I come inside?” Cassian asked, looking around her immaculate yard with interest. “It’s hot out here.”

“Better get used to that,” Nesta said, pulling open the screen door so Cassian could get the lay of the land. “Are you staying here?”

“If you don’t mind. The hotel is…”

Roach filled, she knew. People still went, content to carry out their clandestine affairs in filth so long as no one ever found out. 

“I have a spare room,” Nesta told him. Cassian turned back for his own car—a brand new jeep  that was laughably out of place in her little neighborhood. He returned with two bags slung over his broad shoulders, eyes hidden behind his glasses. The sun hit the golden brown of his skin, making it seem as if he glowed and tragically, Nesta thought he was a good looking man.

He’d kill her if she wasn’t careful…but attractive, all the same. 

Nesta showed him to the smaller room she kept made up just in case Gwyn or Emerie wanted to stay the night, thinking the full sized bed didn’t seem big enough for this man. He had to duck beneath the doorway, putting him well over six foot three—maybe six six? He made Nesta, who stood tall at five nine, feel dainty by comparison.

“Should I call you Cassian, or…?”

“Cassian is fine,” he replied, sunglasses resting atop his head. “This is perfect, by the way. I promise you’ll barely know I exist.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Nesta said in a flirty voice as she eyed him. “I think it would be hard not to notice you.” He grinned, unaware that a real agent would have shut her down in seconds. “Well, Miss Agnes, I’ll do my best to keep out of your hair.”

Nesta offered him another smile, mind racing. If she survived tonight she assumed she’d survive as long as he wanted her to—and as long as she didn’t admit she knew what he was. That meant keeping it from Gwyn and Emerie, who wouldn’t be able to stop themselves from treating him like a criminal.

He thought she was prey, but Nesta Archeron was a survivor. A predator, just like this man. And she had lived in Georgia for five years—she had guns hidden all over the house. He didn’t need to know any of that, though. Nesta waited while he unpacked some of his things and peeked around her little house, mostly quiet as he cased her. Sitting on her sofa beneath a ceiling fan moving at top speed, Nesta heard him push open the back door and walk through the yard where she assumed he was testing the gate.

He messed with windows when he returned, pushing back curtains to peer out into the street. “You’re wide open out here,” he finally said with a frown on his pretty face. And he was pretty—sculpted and rough in a way that was hard to ignore. Nesta found herself noticing the green in his hazel eyes and the way stubble clung to his strong jaw. A slit cut through his eyebrow while faint scars littered his jaw and hands, betraying a man who knew his way around a fight. 

He was fooling no one but himself. 

“This is where you put me,” she reminded him, wondering if he understood what she was really saying. 

“Maybe we’ll keep the curtains closed,” Cassian said, as if Nesta didn’t do that anyway. The sun was unforgiving and the only way to survive swampy summers was to try and keep things shady and cool. 

“Do you want to take off your jacket?”

“I want to take everything off,” he admitted, shrugging out of what she had to assume was stolen. “Even my own skin.”

“That’s how I felt when I first got here,” she told him. He’d look back on all this and remember—he’d realize she knew the moment he stepped onto her lawn. “You get used to it.”

She was going to kill him, she realized. The knowledge slammed into Nesta’s chest violently, paralyzing her for a moment. She’d never killed anyone…but at some point she’d have to kill this man before he killed her. Cassian, for his part, was unaware of the slant of her thoughts. He must have already known when he came down that he planned to kill her just as soon as he was given the order. She doubted he intended to take her home…and if he did, it would be under duress. 

That was future Nesta’s problem, though. For now, all she had to do was stay one step ahead of him. And that meant pretending like she believed every word coming out of his mouth and ignored all the obvious signs that he was a liar. 

“Hungry?” she asked. 

“Starving,” Cassian agreed. He vanished into the room she’d given him, leaving Nesta enough time to try and steady her nervous hands. By the time Cassian returned, Nesta was slicing up meat for the grill outside. There was absolutely no way she was turning on her oven.

“Can I help you with that?”

Instinct demanded she say no. She didn’t want Cassian anywhere near lighter fluid, for one. He looked so earnest and she was pretending, so Nesta nodded. “I haven’t seasoned it yet.”

“Leave it to me,” Cassian said with an easy smile. And she did, watching him from the corner of her eye while he seasoned her meat and vegetables. He vanished out the back door and when he returned, sweat glistened over his face. Nesta found herself standing there for a moment, staring as he pulled the rest of his hair off his face, biceps straining against the cuff of his t-shirts. 

Cassian was heavily tattooed with black ink that crawled over his arms and up his neck, broken only by the sweaty shirt he wore. 

“Why do people live like this?” Cassian asked, wiping his brow on his sleeve. “It’s horrible.”

“I keep saying it,” she replied honestly. “I would have preferred a colder climate.”

“Next time,” Cassian grumbled. “What are you doing now?”

“Cutting up fruit. Want some?”

Cassian picked a blueberry out of the bowl and popped it into his mouth. “How do you spend your time, anyway?”

“I’m the town lawyer,” Nesta informed him. “I work in a little office down on Main Street.”

“And when you’re not working?”

She shrugged. “I have friends…but I mostly read.”

He glanced toward her shelves of books in the living room, visible from the hall connecting the two. “Anything interesting?”

“Take a look,” was all Nesta could think to respond. Cassian didn’t take her up on her offer, turning instead to go check on the grilling meat. Had she not known who he was, Nesta might have thought the awkward environment was just because a stranger had invaded her space.

It felt almost normal. 

Almost.

Because Nesta couldn’t forget a killer was sitting across from her, his hands soaked in blood. She kept coming back to it as they ate in relative silence. Why had Rhysand sent him here? What did he want with her? Nesta needed to figure it out.

And figure it out fast.

CASSIAN:

Nesta Archeron was beautiful.

Cassian hadn’t expected it. He’d seen a picture of Feyre only once and had kind of imposed her face on all three Archerons. Walking up to her house had been a surreal experience. For one, all Cassian could see was her tits pressed against the neckline of that sundress she wore. Holy fucking Christ, but Nesta’s body was something out of his most depraved fantasies.

But her eyes were something else. Icy blue and calculated, it was no surprise Nesta had survived five years out mostly on her own. Did she even know her sisters were guarded by federal agents while she was left to fend for herself? 

It irked Cassian. Sure, he was grateful he’d been able to gain access to her life so easily, but surely someone was keeping their eyes on this woman? So the likes of him couldn’t just stroll into her home and do whatever he liked with her? 

But after two days living with Nesta, Cassian learned that no one seemed to care if she lived or died. Which was just as well—because he was starting to care. Just a little, he told himself that second night as he laid in bed staring up at the ceiling fan.

His only job was to get her back to Rhysand in one piece once he’d tracked down Feyre and married her. Nesta wouldn’t even know until it was all too late and the feds would lose their pathetic case.

And then Cassian could go back to his regular life in a place that wasn’t drenched in humidity. How did anyone sleep? Even with Nesta’s air conditioner going at full blast, Cassian found himself shucking off his shirt and kicking the sheets to the floor in a desperate attempt at sleep. 

Thinking the living room might be cooler, Cassian dragged his blanket with him to the couch where he found Nesta, half hidden in the dark with a piece of toast in her hand.

Her little night dress was enough to empty out his mind. Why was she so hot? Cassian could see every curve of her perfect body beneath the silken blue fabric and her hair was loose around her shoulders rather than braided in a crown atop her head.

He wanted to lick the salt off her skin.

He wanted to lick a lot of things, actually.

Cassian was fairly certain federal agents weren’t supposed to have sex with their charges—even if Rhysand was certain Vanserra had something going on with the middle Archeron. Cassian wasn’t anything close to a cop and fucking was his favorite thing to do. 

“I ah..” Cassian rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly hyper aware that all he wore was a pair of loose shorts. Nesta was looking only at his face with a grim determination—as if she found it very difficult to do so.

You can look at any part of me you like.

Having sex with her would certainly pass the time. 

“It’s hot,” Nesta said, flipping on a lamp on the side table. “I keep meaning to get someone out here to look at my AC, but…”

“I’ll look at it,” Cassian promised. “Before the sun comes up.”

“You’re handy?”

He was, actually. “I grew up with a single mom,” he said, flashing her a smile before making his way to the sofa. “We didn’t have a lot of money, so I learned how to do repairs.” Nesta tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Unwilling to give her a reason to banish him, Cassian made a show of fluffing the couch cushions before stretching himself out. 

“My shower doesn’t have hot water,” she finally told him.

Cassian grinned in the dark. “I can take a look at that, too.”

“I would appreciate it,” Nesta replied. 

“Why don’t you make me a list? I’ve got nothing else to do all day and I feel like a freeloader sitting on your couch.”

That was true. Cassian was used to staying busy and suddenly he had nothing but downtime. It was tempting to go to the library and find his own books to read and treat the entire thing like a vacation. This would help build trust between them, he rationalized.

And Cassian liked having something to do. He liked being useful to people. 

“I could do that,” Nesta said, still standing in his line of sight. Even in the dark, Cassian could see her nipples pointed through the fabric. He wanted to touch them.

“I’m here to help,” Cassian reminded her.

“Of course,” she said, her tone unreadable to him. 

He nearly asked if she wanted to join him. It was on the tip of his tongue, but Nesta beat him to speaking, adding, “Well. Sleep well, Cassian.”

“You too,” he said, disappointment ribboning through him. It was absurd to think a woman like Nesta Archeron was going to crawl in his dirtbag lap.

Still, Cassian could dream. And he did, waking with a throbbing erection he had to discreetly handle in the freezing cold shower. Cassian hadn’t noticed it wasn’t hot given the air was miserable and he didn’t want to take a boiling shower for once. He could hear Nesta in her room listening to music, up with dawn just like he was. 

He found tools out in her garden shed, unused and rusty. They’d likely belonged to the previous tenant, whoever they’d been. Still, they worked well enough for Cassian’s purposes. What she needed was an entirely new unit. Cassian guessed the old one was over a decade long and judging from the rattling, it was on its final legs.

He had money. A lot of money. Would she believe him if he told her the agency had decided to replace it? Nesta didn’t strike him as particularly stupid—if they’d never helped her before, she might not believe they’d help her now. He couldn’t live the way they had been, though, which was how Cassian found himself on the phone with the local repairman giving out his credit card details over the phone.

Nesta was gone by the time Cassian came back into the house, drenched in sweat and slightly sunburned on the tops of his arms. It was a relief to get into the basement and work on the water heater, and by the time Cassian finished, the service guys were there to replace Nesta’s air conditioner. It required them to turn the air off which was actual hell, though once it was back up, Cassian felt instant relief. 

Nesta returned with a scowl on her face, dressed in a pencil skirt that made Cassian’s mouth dry out. How had Archeron managed to create her? Cassian had met him—he was nothing special. An unremarkable man in every way imaginable, including his appearance.

Nesta could have modeled. Could have had her face on billboards, her body in magazines. Had he met her back home, he knew he’d have dogged her steps hoping for just a look in his direction. 

“Any news?” Nesta asked, sliding her keys and purse onto a side table. Cassian watched her kick off her heels and turn her face upwards toward the vents blowing cold air.

“Nope,” he said. What would Rhys do if he kept her here for a year? Kick his ass, likely. “Rough day?”

Holding up a cloth shopping bag, Nesta nodded her head while Cassian rose to take it from her. Inside he found an assortment of peppers, onions, and a rather nice steak he assumed she wanted to grill. Cassian had never grilled before he met her and found that he rather liked it. In fact, he liked the whole little game he was playing. Pretending to be the sort of man who had a house and a wife and a barbeque suited him.

In another life, Cassian would have thrived.

“I’m working on another divorce and her soon to be ex stopped by to tell me what he thought about me.”

“I hope it was to tell you you’re beautiful,” Cassian replied without thinking as he peeled stickers from the vegetables.

“No it wasn’t,” Nesta replied, her tone uncertain. “It was to tell me what a bitch I am.”

Cassian arched a brow. “Did you tell him to get fucked?”

Nesta chuckled. “Not this time…but I wanted to. He thinks if he digs his heels in, he can avoid this divorce but it’s happening either way.”

“This is why I’m not married,” Cassian said, reaching for a knife.

“Oh?” Nesta asked, an amused smile on her perfect face. “Is that the only reason?”

Cassian couldn’t help his grin. “I’m off-putting to women, of course.”

“There it is,” she said with a pretty laugh. “Want any help?”

“Get out of my kitchen, Nes,” Cassian replied, swatting her away. “Water’s fixed, by the way.”

The whole thing was warm and domestic. Nesta thanked him before sauntering off, hips swaying with each step. The only thing to temper Cassian’s hot blood was the hotter grill outside and a reminder that Nesta was off limits to him.

He was merely a guard meant to get her back home before the feds scooped her and her sisters back up again. Collateral, he supposed, for the game Rhys was playing with Feyre. Cassian was grateful for that, at least—if Rhys called him and told him to kill her, he wasn’t certain he could do it. 

Cassian returned to find Nesta in a pair of tiny little shorts and a pink tank top. He wished she’d pull her hair down, still left in its braided crown, though in truth he could have stood at the backdoor and stared at her for an embarrassing length of time.

“What did I say about the kitchen?” he teased, setting his tray of meat and vegetables on the counter beside her.

“I wanted to make a little salad,” Nesta told him, showing him the bowl. “Do you even eat vegetables?”

“On occasion,” Cassian said with an easy grin. “I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me, though. I’m not picky.”

“Tell me about yourself, Cassian,” Nesta ordered once they were seated at her little wooden table. 

“There’s nothing interesting to tell,” he replied. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself? I’ll bet you’re a lot more interesting than I am.”

“Oh, I doubt that,” Nesta murmured.

“C’mon,” Cassian cajoled. Nesta sighed, eyes narrowed with that suspicious look he was growing so fond of. Was there such a thing as love at first sight, he wondered? Cassian was starting to suspect he was under its spell. Under hers, anyway. Nesta relented, telling him little stories he figured were probably half true. 

Cassian knew the right questions to ask, at any rate. Careful not to mention her family, Cassian asked her about everything else. Nesta spoke about going to law school and living in Georgia, mentioning two friends she’d made—Gwyn the librarian and Emerie the grocer. He’d seen them on his porch when he first arrived. 

He needed to do a little digging on them, but he figured they were likely fine. 

“What about you?” Nesta asked, their meal long concluded. Cassian began gathering up dishes.

“What about me?”

“Are you from Georgia?” she questioned.

Cassian chuckled. “No, I’m not from Georgia. Just got unlucky in my assignment, I guess.”

“Why did you want to do this work?”

Cassian considered that. “I’m good at it,” he replied, drumming his fingers along the edge of the sink. “I kind of fell into it, actually. I guess I succumb easily to peer pressure because when one of my friends suggested I apply, I did it without hesitation.”

That wasn’t entirely true. There had been no application process—he and Rhys had become friends as boys and Rhys’s mother had been like a second mother to Cassian. He’d always wanted to repay them for their kindness and when Rhys asked him to join him as his right hand man, the answer had been obvious.

He couldn’t tell Nesta that, though. She didn’t poke, either, seemingly satisfied with his answer. While Cassian cleaned up, Nesta made her way to the living room, picked up a book, and curled up on the couch. Cassian watched her pull a blanket from the back of the sofa and drape it over her tanned knees.

“Cold, huh?” he joked. 

“You fixed—”

A gunshot silenced both of them. Nesta jumped clean out of her skin, book falling from her trembling hands. Cassian frowned, his own heart racing with excitement. Finally, something interesting was happening.

His own gun was in his hand before Nesta ever stood. “Don’t move,” he whispered, motioning for her to get away from the window.

“Send the bitch outside!” a man’s voice yelled, filling Cassian with cold rage. He was at the door in a moment, flinging it open so it was his large body filling the space. On the lawn, a man stumbled forward, gun pointed at the sky. He pulled the trigger again, clearly trying to intimidate Cassian.

Cassian had been tied up before, a gun pressed against his lips while his cock was threatened with a knife. Some fucking rural drunk with a gun didn’t scare him. In truth, very little scared Cassian. He’d cheated death more times than he could count and he knew, as he stepped onto the lawn in the fading daylight, that he wasn’t going to die today.

This man, on the other hand…well. Cassian supposed it would depend on what he did next.

“Lower your weapon!” Cassian barked, his voice rough and menacing. The man jerked to look at him, eyes wide and watery. “Put your gun down or I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Send out your bitch—”

Cassian didn’t shoot him, but he did hit him in the face. Hard. Maybe too hard given the way the man crumpled at his feet as blood poured from his nose. Only the alcohol kept him from passing out which was lucky for Cassian.

Crouching in the grass, Cassian grabbed the man by his thinning hair and forced his head into an unnatural angle. “What did you say?”

“I called her a bitch,” the man spluttered through the blood. 

Cassian cocked his gun with his free hand and pressed it to the man's cheek. “Try again,” he whispered, fully intending on killing this man on the front lawn. Cassian’s finger pressed against the trigger just as Nesta barked, “Cassian!”

He twisted to look at her, arms crossed over her chest. She was fury incarnate right then, marching toward the pair of them without a care in the world. 

“Get out of her, Brent,” Nesta ordered, pointing her finger toward the gate. “This is embarrassing, even for you.”

“You ruined my life—”

“You ruined your own life by cheating on your wife!” Nesta spat without remorse. “And you’re ruining it by assaulting a federal officer.”

Cassian nearly choked. Did he look like a cop right then? 

“He assaulted me,” Brent protested, shoving out of Cassian’s grip.

“If I see you near her again, you’ll find yourself six feet under before you can utter one fucking word. Do we understand each other?” Cassian asked, rising to his full height. Brent glanced from the gun in Cassian’s hand to Cassian himself before offering a sullen nod. 

“Whatever,” he muttered, clearly trying to save face. Cassian watched him stumble off, forcing himself not to pull the trigger anyway at the man’s retreating back. Nesta came to stand beside Cassian, resting her soft, small hand on his forearm.

“That’s the guy getting the divorce,” she told him, as if Cassian cared who he was. Letting someone who threatened him walk away unscathed felt wrong and Cassian longed to rectify it. Where did he live, he wondered? 

“I can see why,” Cassian muttered, turning back for the house. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”

“He’s not coming back—”

“He pointed a gun at you,” Cassian growled, the memory filling him with rage. 

Nesta only shrugged, proving that she was still part of the life whether she wanted to be or not. Did she know what a liar her younger sister was, he wondered? Did Nesta know it had been Feyre who killed her father? Looking at her in the warm light of the house, Cassian decided that a woman like Nesta wouldn’t allow herself to live this way if she hadn’t known. If she wasn’t protecting someone. 

Who was protecting her? 

“I’m fine,” Nesta reminded him. But Cassian knew all too well how differently things could have gone if he hadn’t been there. Cassian knew how quickly a bullet could end things. 

“I’ll feel better out here,” he said, setting his gun on the glass coffee table. “You won’t change my mind, Nes.”

She hesitated, eyes moving from him to the window. “Fine.”

Cassian had no intention of sleeping, though. He waited until he knew Nesta was asleep, slipping into her bedroom just to check. She was so lovely even in sleep and Cassian had to resist the urge to touch her face. Not tonight. Another night, perhaps—but not this night. 

The thing about small towns he found himself appreciating was how easy it was to find people. Slipping into a local bar, Cassian mentioned what had happened to the bartender, who helpfully told him where Brent lived. 

He didn’t bother to slip in quietly. If he wanted to be unnoticed, he would have called up Azriel. Cassian liked when his marks were scared, for whatever that said about him. Flexing his fingers, Cassian picked through the dirty, mostly empty house. He supposed Nesta was helping to clean him out.

Good for her.

Brent was waiting in a fraying brown chair, a bottle of Jack Daniels held loosely in one hand. “Knew you weren’t no cop,” he muttered. “You got the look of a felon.”

“Have you been talking to my third grade teacher?” Cassian asked, his tone light. “She used to say the same thing.”

“You ain’t foolin’ no one but that girl of yours,” Brent told him, eyeing the gun in Cassian’s hand. 

“She’s the only one I need to fool,” Cassain agreed, coming closer. “I swore an oath to protect her.”

“I didn’t hurt her.”

“But you scared her,” Cassian said in that same friendly tone. “You came to her house and threatened her and I can’t stand for that.”

“Well, I don’t really care if I scared her. Sometimes women ought to be a little afraid.”

Cassian clenched his fingers. “Is that so?”

“Make your threats and get the fuck out,” Brent ordered, taking another swig of whiskey. Cassian saw his gun on a chipped side table. 

“You don’t have much going for you, do you Brent? Wife left you, took all your money…is about to take your house. You’ve got no job, no friends…anyone would lose it.”

“Yeah,” Brent mumbled, eyes glassy. “You get it.”

“If I were you, I’d probably kill myself too,” Cassian added, holding Brent’s gun in his hand. Brent’s eyes found him, big and wide with shock. 

“What did you say?”

Cassian shrugged, making his way closer to the inebriated man. “I don’t think anyone will be surprised when they find you. I’ll bet it takes them days before someone comes checking.”

“Look, you don’t have to do this. I can…I can pay you—”

“No you can’t,” Cassian said with a chuckle. “And even if you could, I wouldn’t take your money. This is about honor, of which you have none because an honorable man wouldn’t try and threaten a woman for doing her job.”

“She fucked me over—”

“You fucked yourself,” Cassian interrupted, reaching for Brent’s hair a second time. “And you made a mistake coming after her.”

“I’m sorry—”

Cassian pressed the barrel of the gun beneath Brent’s jaw.

“I know you are,” he said, holding the man’s gaze. “It’s not enough.”

And then he pulled the trigger. The relief he felt was instantaneous, his blood lust slaked. It took another few seconds to arrange the gun in Brent’s hand, letting both his arm and the weapon fall lifelessly into his lap. The bottle of Jack hit the floor with a thud, spilling over stained wood floors.

The scene was practically a work of art. Textbook suicide—no one would look twice at him or Nesta. That didn’t stop him from wiping his prints on the way out, just in case. He found himself back on the couch, face washed of blood, before two am. 

Cassian had been right about one thing: it took them three days to find Brent.

“Suicide,” Nesta said crisply when she learned, eyes focused on Cassian’s face.

He only smiled. 

[swarvey]

paper rings | harvey x f!reader

Harvey returns to his friends for more advice; you overhear an interesting conversation.

a/n: a.k.a., you two are unbelievably oblivious to each other.

btw, please lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for this fic!

ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch. 4

paper rings masterlist

chapter three: how you get the girl -> "remind her how it used to be."

Elliott nodded slowly after listening to Harvey's recap of his meeting with you. The doctor had called both Shane and Elliott for a "quick meeting" at his apartment as soon as he left your farm — though, Shane, unsurprisingly, did not pick up, so he sent him a quick text to come by when he had time.

"So, what do you see as my plan of action?" Harvey asked, fidgeting with his hands. "Should I be . . . direct with her?"

Elliott hummed. “Well, you’ll have to be more than direct, my friend,” he decided, a thoughtful glint lighting his eyes. “It’s been years since you’ve seen her, yes?”

“Yes, I haven’t seen her since she graduated college.” The singular sentence itself saddened Harvey, deflating in his seat. “I’m a horrible friend, aren’t I?”

“Precisely!” Elliott exclaimed, only making his guilt worsen. “After such a prolonged period of time away from each other, does it feel fitting to simply tell her your feelings? No,” he said, before Harvey could put together an answer. “The time you two spend together now is imperative — you must spoil her, cherish her, show her how much you care before you tell her.” 

Suddenly, three knocks sounded throughout the apartment, and Harvey quickly stood to answer it. He opened the door to reveal Shane, a six-pack of beers in hand.

“I was asleep,” he explained bluntly, walking in and taking off his shoes, “but after I heard Marnie going on about the new farmer, I figured we’d need these.” He lifted the drinks, walking over to Elliott before setting them down on the table. “Anyway, I could hear your spiel the entire way up the stairs, pretty boy,” he huffed to his friend, already starting to open three cans. “Can’t say you’re too far off from what I was thinking, which is a first.”

Harvey returned to his seat, gladly taking the beer offered to him. “So, you agree?”

“Pretty much.” 

“My point stands,” Elliott said proudly, taking a victorious sip of his drink. “Now is not the time to rush your sprouting relationship  — good things come with time, as they say.” Shane grunted in agreement, visibly displeased that he was on the same page as him.

Harvey fidgeted with the tab on the can, brows furrowed in thought. “I should get her gifts, then? Or buy her meals?”

“That may prove to be too much,” Elliott replied, shaking his head. “The last thing you want to do is scare her away, friend.”

“Don’t be a kiss ass,” Shane summarized.

The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “This is helpless — what am I supposed to do, then?”

“Talk to her,” his friends said in unison, though one sounded much more exasperated than the other.

“Recall the past,” Elliott continued, leaning forward. “The good, the bad; the exhilarating, the mundane, remind her of it all! Then, after remembering the wonderful times the two of you had, she will realize what she has been missing all along has been right in front of her.”

Harvey laughed lightly at the thought. “I doubt she’ll think that,” he sighed. “It’s been so long since we’ve spent time together, not to mention I have no idea if she’s seeing anyone or not.”

“And what if she is?” Shane asked, perking a brow. “I mean, honestly, is the world gonna end? You’ll live, bud, believe me — there are plenty of chicks who dig doctors.”

“I guess you don’t understand,” Harvey replied, shaking his head and staring down at the table. “She’s really been the only one I’ve truly seen myself being with.”

“Bull,” his friend replied, leaning forward in his seat. “You went to college in Zuzu City, didn’t you? No way you didn’t find any girls over there.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“So you didn’t date anyone? ”

“Did I not just say that isn’t the point here?” Harvey looked up to meet Shane’s smirk. “No matter who I’ve seen in the past, no matter who I see from this point forward, my mind has and always will return to her. It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.”

“My bad, doc,” Shane apologized amusedly. “Didn’t realize you were such a sap.”

“With the right person,” Elliott started, smiling knowingly, “anyone can be a romantic, dear friend. That, I can guarantee.”

Groaning, Harvey leaned forward and let his head drop in his arms, remaining still as his friend comfortingly patted his back.

What have I gotten myself into?

-

You hummed absentmindedly as you walked back into the heart of Pelican Town, the sun finally starting to feel a little warmer on your skin as it steadily rose. You were amazed at how colorful and lively everything looked — the strikingly blue birds, the merrily pink flowers, and even the townsfolk seemed to be blossoming in the spring. You eyed the clinic as you walked past it, noting the makeshift ‘Closed’ sign taped to the door, smiling slightly at the thought of Harvey closing it just for your arrival.

As you made your way into Pierre’s General Store to look at what’s in stock, you were immediately greeted by Pierre himself, his face lighting up as you stepped through the door.

“Hey, it's the new farmer! I'm Pierre, owner of the local general store,” he introduced, meeting you in the middle of the store to shake your hand firmly. “Though, if you rack your brain a bit, you might remember seeing me from time to time as a kid.”

Mouth agape, you scanned the storeowner up and down before exclaiming, “It’s you! Your girlfriend had short green hair, didn’t she?”

“I guess it was shorter back then, so yes! Once girlfriend, now wife, of course,” he corrected, arms crossed proudly as you quietly applauded him. “Glad to see you back in town. Now, I’m sure you know a great deal more about farming than I do, but I do know that my stuff is the best in town.”

And really the only stuff in town, you wanted to say, though you kept your mouth shut. “Good to know,” you replied instead, starting to slowly make your way around the store. “Oh, wow, these are just beautiful! I didn’t know you sold flowers, too.”

You stopped in front of a stand near the register filled with bouquets. The colors ranged wildly, some being a simple white while others flaunted a flash of red. All of them, though, were equally stunning, not to mention they smelled amazing. You immediately thought of Harvey helping you move in, how he had even been willing to close his beloved clinic for a day to set aside time for you.

“How much are these?” you asked, pointing towards the flower stand.

Pierre’s eyes widened slightly as he glanced between your finger and the flowers. “The bouquets?” he clarified. “You’re wondering about the price of a bouquet?”

Confused, you tiled your head. “Yes. Why, are they expensive? I just thought it would be nice to get Harvey a thank-you gift for this morning—”

“Ah, I see!” Pierre exclaimed, cutting you off and laughing loudly. “You know, I typically don’t do this — and don’t expect any more special deals — but I’ll give you one for half off.”

“Thanks, I guess,” you said, mumbling the latter half of your response as you half expected to get one for free. Still, you picked a bouquet with a good mix of all the colors and handed a few coins to Pierre. “Could you point me towards Harvey’s house?”

“Oh, he lives above the clinic,” Pierre replied, quickly counting the coins in his palm before dropping them in the register. He looked up at you with an odd smile, as if he knew something you didn’t. “There’s a door all the way at the back that leads up to his apartment.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon, Pierre!” With that, you left the store happily. You were slightly worried Harvey might have locked the clinic’s door, but after tugging it open, you wasted no time finding the door Pierre had told you about.

As you walked up, though, an all too familiar voice made you stop mid-step.

“I guess you don’t understand,” you heard Harvey say. “She’s really been the only one I’ve truly seen myself being with.”

She?

“Bull,” another voice said. “You went to college in Zuzu City, didn’t you? No way you didn’t find any girls over there.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“So you didn’t date anyone? ”

“Did I not just say that isn’t the point here?” You couldn’t say you weren’t stunned. You’d never heard Harvey sound so peeved. “No matter who I’ve seen in the past, no matter who I see from this point forward, my mind has and always will return to her. It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.”

“My bad, doc. Didn’t realize you were such a sap.”

“With the right person, anyone can be a romantic, dear friend. That, I can guarantee,” a third voice chimed in.

You were shocked. No, more than shocked — in complete, utter disbelief. Harvey? Feeling that way for a girl? You huffed in annoyance, crossing your arms and looking up at the door. For a moment, you were angry your childhood friend hadn’t mentioned anything about this girl of his, but you could hardly blame him. Why would he, after the two of you stopped keeping up with each other regularly? 

You quietly made your way back down the stairs, trying your hardest not to slam the door. As you started to head back to your farm, you ran into the green-haired woman you recognized as Pierre’s wife.

“Oh, hello!” she said happily, smiling brightly at you. “You must be the new farmer! I remember when you were this tall, you know.” She put a hand on her hip, and you smiled as normally as you possibly could back to her.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you replied, desperately wanting to go home. Before you could make your escape, Caroline gasped, looking directly at the bundle of flowers in your hand. Shit.

“My, a bouquet already? Who—”

“They’re for me!” you quickly explained, cursing yourself as you felt your cheeks begin to warm. “I, uh, needed some decoration for my house, and I thought these would do!”

She nodded slowly. “Of course.” Caroline touched your arm lightly before walking towards the store. “Let me know if you need any help settling in, okay? We live right at the back of the store!”

You yelled a quick thanks and practically bolted to the path toward your house, swearing under your breath. Your heart beat heavily in your chest as Harvey’s words kept ringing in your head, for some reason making you more flustered than you normally get.

It’s like I’m drawn to her, like my body gravitates toward her, it doesn’t make sense.

If something didn’t make sense to Harvey, you knew it had to be bad. As you finally opened the door to your home, you collapsed on your bed, bouquet falling beside you. After a few moments, you sat up abruptly, scowling at yourself. Why’d you care so much anyway? You laughed humorlessly at yourself. Honestly, who knew the thought of him having a crush would be that bewildering? He was a grown man, after all, feelings like that were normal. Perfectly normal.

That night, you hung the flowers upside down beside the wall on your bed, hoping they’d dry nicely and make their beauty last.

[residentevilff]

{Jealous!Carlos x Reader}

Summary: You and Carlos broke up over two months ago. You were at a club with your friends and Carlos comes up telling you how he doesn’t trust your childhood friend. You get annoyed with him which leads to you leaving the club. Carlos follows you apologizing for her earlier actions and asks how he can make it up to you.

There’s no smut in this one maybe in a part 2 if I do a part 2 but in this party it’s just fluff and one make out scene but nothing more.

Word count: 2.7k

You were out with your friends including a friend you had since you were a child. You guys go out for a fun party night at a club, you guys have some drinks but it soons gets interrupted by a jealous Carlos. You were at the bar drinking your drink when Carlos sits next to you grabbing your drink from you making you turn towards him giving him a confused look.

“What the hell?” you say looking at him, “Give it back.”

“No.” Carlos says putting the drink out of your reach, “That guy who has been all over you tonight, I don’t have a good vibe about him. I think he’s up to something or he’s planning on asking you out. I would like you to try to avoid him for the rest of the night.”

Carlos points at your childhood friend which makes you scoff, “Are you crazy? I’ve been friends with him since I was a child. I’m not going to stop hanging out with him because of your so-called ‘bad vibe’ that you are getting from him.”

“Y/n I don’t care, I have a bad feeling about him. He’s been eyeing you up all night like you are some kind of fine steak that he’s ready to devour. He’s obviously into you.”

You look at him in shock and let out a laugh, “Carlos you’re fucking crazy, why are you acting so jealous?”

“I’m not jealous.”

You scoff, “This sounds a lot like jealousy and I don’t understand why because you broke up with me over two months ago.”

“I know, I know but that doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you. I really do feel like he’s going to hurt you.”

You sigh and stand up, “I’m not dealing with this, Carlos you can’t just go around telling me what to do.”

Carlos stands up and grabs her hand, “Please, I just want you to be careful I have a bad feeling about him.”

You turn and look him in the eyes, “Carlos he is one of my best friends. I'm not just going to ignore him all night because of this stupid intuition thing you are having right now.”

Carlos sighs, “Please Y/n I just want you to be careful.”

You look up at him pleading with his eyes for you to listen to him so you give in, “Fine, I’ll be careful but I’m not going to stop being friends with him.”

Carlos nods, “Thank you.” he watches as you grab your purse from the bar and take off your friend's jacket, “Where are you going?”

“Home, I’m tired.” you say as you walk over to your friend and grab him his jacket back. Carlos follows you as you walk out of the club, “Why are you following me Carlos?”

“I just want to make sure you get home safe.” Carlos says bluntly

“You want to walk me home?”

Carlos shrugs and nods, “Yeah basically.”

You laugh slightly and nod, “Okay I guess you can.”

Carlos grins and puts his arm out for you to take, you look your arm around his arm and smile as you two start walking to your house. Carlos notices that you are shivering slightly so he takes off his jacket and hands it to you.

“You look cold so here, I was too warm in that anyway.” Carlos says smiling as you take it, you put it on and get an instant whiff of his cologne which makes you almost faint. You always liked the smell of his cologne, he always had the cologne that wasn’t too strong but smelled so good.

“Thank you.” You say as you snuggle into the jacket as you both continue to walk down the street

“Anytime.” Carlos says, glancing over at you, “Y/n can I ask you a question?”

You nod, “Go ahead, what’s your question?”

“Do you see us getting back together?” Carlos says quietly

You smile softly and stop walking, “I mean I think it could happen, I just would need to make sure you wouldn’t break up with me for a stupid reason again.”

Carlos nods slowly, “If I promise not to break up with you again how about then?”

You laugh a little, “You would have to prove to me that you wouldn’t break up with me.”

Carlos looks at you, “I can do that.”

You smile and continue walking with him trailing behind you like a puppy. Once you get to your house you unlock the door and walk in, you turn around and see Carlos standing there looking at you, “You want to spend the night? I know it’s late and you live like an hour away from here so I don't want your thing to walk home or take public transport because it can be kind of sketchy this late at night.”

Carlos’ face lights up and he nods quickly, “Yes please.”

You smile and move so he can come into the house, “I think I still have a couple of your clothes that you can wear because I wasn’t able to give them back after the break up.”

Carlos smirks slightly, “You still have my clothes? Have you worn them as well?”

You look at him and you start to feel your face heating up, “What..? I.. I would never.”

Carlos chuckles, “Whatever you say.”

You roll your eyes, “I’m going to go grab you some clothes and a blanket or two along with a better pillow.”

Carlos nods as he watches you walk to your room, he sits on the couch waiting for you to come back. He notices how neat your living room looks, he looks around amazed at how much you’ve done since the two of you broke up. You walk back in and hand him the clothes, he takes them and smiles.

“You go change, I'll set up the couch for you.” you say as you place the blankets on the couch

Carlos nods and goes to the bathroom, he remembers where it is of course. He walks into the bathroom and strips out of his clothes, he puts on the clothes you gave him. He folds up his other clothes and walks out of the bathroom, he walks over to the couch and places the clothes right by the side of the couch.

“Thank you Y/n.” he says as you look up at him, “I’m glad you let me sleep here.”

You smile, “Of course, I wouldn’t just leave you to walk like an hour away this late at night.”

Carlos nods as he sits on the couch, “I appreciate it.”

You nod and hand him the t.v remote, “I have netflix if you want to watch something and if huh need anything I’ll be in my room.”

Carlos thanks you as you walk to your room, you go into your room leaving the door open as normal and grab your pajamas. You go into your bathroom and change into them suddenly you hear a gasp. You turn and see Carlos with his back turned away from you.

“Oh my gosh!” You exclaim quickly closing the door fully so you can continue changing your clothes. Once you're done you walk out with a blush on your face, “I'm so sorry Carlos.”

“It’s fine I should have said something first” Carlos says as he turns around with a slight blush on his face.

You smile slightly, “I probably should have closed my door as well.”

Carlos chuckles a bit, “I mean I’m not complaining, it was a nice sight.”

You feel your face heating up more which makes Carlos come closer to you, “What’s wrong?”

You look at him as he says this with a sly grin, “You know what’s wrong.”

“No I don't, maybe you should inform me.” Carlos says smirking

You shake your head, “No I don’t think I should.”

Carlos' eyes widened a little, “Oh really? Maybe I’ll just assume then that you are still attracted to me and get turned on when I say stuff like that.”

Carlos watches as you turn away slightly, “Oh am I right?”

You nod slowly making Carlos chuckle a bit, “Don’t laugh.”

Carlos looks at you and takes a step closer, “Can I kiss you?”

Carlos waits for you to nod and once you do he takes your lips in his. You slowly kiss him back as you wrap your arms around his neck as his hands go to your hip pulling you close to him. He pulls away from the kiss panting and puts hands on your cheeks. You look up at him smiling as you do the same, placing both hands on either side of his face.

“Can we go further?” Carlos asks looking at you, “I know we aren’t dating anymore but-“

“Do you want to be my boyfriend again?” You ask cutting him off

Carlos looks at you in shock but nods, “Yes I would love that.”

He kisses you again and walks over to your bed with his hands on yours. He sits on the bed and looks up at you standing in front of him. You look at him and glance down to his lap and see a growing bulge, “Need some help love?”

Carlos nods which makes you go down on your knees and unbutton his pants, he stands up a little bit so you can get his pants and boxers off. You watch as his cock springs out of his boxers and almost hits you in the face. Carlos sits back down and you quickly get to work, you place a soft kiss on the tip of his cock and then bring your tongue to the base of it making him twitch slightly. You slowly start doing, the kitten licks up his cock until you make your way to the tip and put your mouth around it.

“Oh.. just like that.” Carlos says, throwing his head back, “You’re doing so good, baby.”

Carlos lets out a groan as he watches you bob your head up and down at a faster pace now. You feel him twitch in your mouth which makes you remove your mouth. Carlos looks down at you confused which makes you give him an innocent smile.

“Why’d you do that?” Carlos questions with a slight frown

You smile, “I wanted to tease you.”

Carlos frowns and that makes you laugh, “Beg.”

Carlos looks confused but then his eyes widen slightly and his mouth makes an ‘O’ shape. Carlos saw you grin and urge him on.

“Please, baby I want to cum. Please let me cum.” He says with his eyes pleading, “I’ll be a good boy.”

You look at him smirking slightly, “You’ll be a good boy?”

Carlos nods eagerly, “Yes I’ll be a good boy for you.”

“Oh you’re so sweet.” Carlos looks down at you wanting you to continue, “Oh baby you look so cute, all worked up and needy for me.”

Carlos pleads with his eyes, “Please.. Y/n..”

Carlos watches as you smirk, “Since you asked so nicely I think I can let you cum.. or we could play a little game?”

Carlos’ eyes widened a bit with a curious look, “A game?”

You nod and look up at him smiling, “How many times can I stop you from having an orgasm before you lose your pretty little mind and beg for me. How long will it take before you fall apart in my arms?”

“This sounds a lot like payback from the last time we had sex when I edged you on for hours.” Carlos mutters

You smile, “Maybe it is.. I mean you can just tell me you don’t want to play the game and we can get to it.”

Carlos thanks for a second, “Can we just get to it please..”

You smile softly and nod, “Of course love.”

You place your mouth back on his cock and put your hand on the rest that doesn’t fit in your mouth. You start moving your head up and down while also moving your hand. Carlos lets out a collection of deep moans and shaky breaths as he feels your mouth and hand work on his cock. You start feeling him twitch again making you go a bit faster so he could have his climax. As he cums in your mouth he lets out a loud groan and his legs shake a little due to the climax.

“Fuck..” He says as you remove your mouth from him, “That was.. amazing.”

You smile as you look up at him, “I’m glad you think that.”

Carlos looks at you smirking a bit, his eyes go a bit darker and he pulls you close, “Now it’s my turn to please you.”

You smile as you kiss him, “Go ahead.”

Carlos grins and lays you on the bed, he gets on his knees in front of you and slowly starts to take off your pants. He places kisses on your thighs and slowly starts going up to your panties. He pushes aside your panties and licks your folds, making you gasp.

“Oh my god..” you say letting out a shaky breath

Carlos beans and continues to slowly lick your folds and soon goes to take off your panties fully. Once he takes off your panties he goes right back to where he was and starts to devour you. He doesn’t leave any spot not licked, he starts to suck your cunt which makes you moan loudly grabbing his hair.

“Fuck.. Carlos!” You moan as you throw your head back, “Keep going please..”

Carlos chuckles at your pleas and continues to attack your cunt with his tongue. You feel your stomach begin to knot and you let out a string of moans as he moves his tongue faster.

Carlos pulls away from you just to tell you to cum and then he goes right back to fucking you with his tongue. As if he had a button to press for you to cum you came when he said that. He gives you a few more licks before moving from between your legs and looking at you.

“You look so beautiful.” Carlos says as he stands up and bends down to kiss your lips. You both kiss for a little bit before he pulls away and looks at you, “Want to continue?”

You nod eagerly which makes him chuckle, “Someone’s eager.”

“I haven’t had sex since we broke up so of course I’m going to be eager.”

Carlos smiles as he moves back to your entrance, he moves his tip to your entrance and slowly pushes into you. Both of you let out a gasp as he enters you, he slowly starts to move to get you used to the feeling again.

“Move faster please..” You plead as you hold onto his arm

Carlos nods and slowly starts to pick up pace as he thrust in and out of you, he leans down and pulls your lips onto a kiss. You kiss him back and moan into his mouth as he thrusts into you rougher. The whole room is filled with your collective moans, gasps, and groans as Carlos thrusts into you with a fast pace. You start to feel a knot forming again in your stomach and you start to feel Carlos twitch inside of you.

“Carlos I’m close..” you say pulling him in for a kiss

Carlos kisses you back and once you both pull away from the kiss he smiles, “Let cum together okay? 3…”

“2..”

“1..”

You both moan as you cum Carlos lays his head on your chest as you both pant. You smile as you play with his hair, he looks up at you and grins.

“That was really great.” Carlos says

You nod, “It was.”

You gasp as Carlos pulls himself out of you, he smiles and goes into your bathroom. He comes out with a wet washcloth and starts to clean you up. Once he’s done cleaning you up he goes back into the bathroom and cleans himself up. He comes back out with his boxers on and smiles at you as you are slowly falling asleep.

“You look so beautiful.”

“Thank you and you look very handsome.” You say as you open one eye to look at him, “Sleep with me tonight.”

Carlos nods and walks over to the bed, he lays on the bed with you. You move up the pillows and cuddle with him, you wrap your arms around him and put your head on his chest. He pulls the blanket over you both and you both fall asleep.

[buckysdolls]

Your Archer of Infamy (Priest x You) Series

TW: Kissing, Swearing, Touching

Chapter 2

“No, absolutely not!”

“Oh c’mon Lewis?” You chuckled light heartedly at your brother’s response. He was Lewis to you, but Elton Prince to everyone else. You surprised yourself that you were actually sitting discussing this over breakfast. Potentially going on a date with Waller like you actually cared about it.

“You’re not dad, you can't be the big man and pretend like you know what’s best”

“Errr, actually ever since dad left to go to the shop for milk and surprisingly has never returned, that makes me the man of the house and that makes me the decider of your little escapades.”

“Shut up Lewis!” You glared in disbelief at him letting a little chuckle out.

“Fine! But Everybody hates him” 

“That’s true” Sam (Kit Wilson), your brother’s best friend piped up scoffing his face with scrambled egg, you looked over at him in confusion as to his role in the discussion. The two of them together were known as Pretty Deadly and had debuted on TV a couple weeks ago. It was nice to have your brother on the road, you had the reassurance of family around you but he was also like a beady eyed hawk watching your every move and even though he was the younger one his ‘sister protection’ radar never faulted.

“That’s not what Damain said.” You thought back to what Damian said last night calling Waller ‘fine’

Lewis and Sam looked at each other and laughed. “Damian’s lying then.”

“I thought you wanted to hook up with Damian anyway” Sam asked you, you choked on your water in surprise because there were only two people who knew that and it definitely would not have been Rhea who blabbed about it to Sam.

“You told him?” You looked around the cafeteria frantically to make sure no one was staring or heard what Sam had just said. You leant over the table, your face clearly showing annoyance as you whipped your hand on Lewis’ chest to which he flicked your hand away.

“And I don’t want to hook up, I really like him” The final words of your sentence came out softer and mellow.

“Don’t worry I wont tell anyone” Sam did his little finger wiggle at you, it was one of their character taunts. You raised an eyebrow at him as if to say you weren’t impressed.

“Sorry force of habit” Sam panicked sensing your irritation. 

“Use your big girl words and speak to Damian… about how you really feel.” Lewis scruffed up your hair as he rose from his seat and they left you alone with your thoughts, yourself questioning why Damian would tell you Waller was fine when he didn’t really think it. You found Priest in make-up, having his eyes darkened in preparation for tonight's show he was sat next to Rhea who was having her Judgement Day scales painted onto her face.

“Did you really mean what you said about Waller?” You asked, Mary the make-up artist stopped working sensing there might be some awkwardness in the way you bluntly approached Damian. 

“Oh sorry, Mary, please carry on” You warmly encouraged Mary to continue working on Damian and moving out of her way. Priest couldn't help but adore how pleasant you were even though he was beginning to get rattled by the conversation topic being Waller again.

“What?”

“You said Waller was fine. You didn’t mean it did you?” Your hands were folded over your chest, ready to interrogate him. 

“No. I don’t know”

“But I value your opinion, why lie to me?” 

“I thought it was what you wanted to hear”

“Well it wasn't…” The silence was deafening… the conversation had reached a pit stop like a Formula One car, it was time to regroup and think logically.

“I care about your opinion” You faintly said stepping closer to Priest now Mary had finished, Priest opened his eyes for the first time.

“Look, Waller’s a rat, always will be.” Priest’s tone of voice was snappy.

“Then why did you say he was fine and lie?” 

“Because your love life is irrelevant to me alright, there you go, that’s my opinion ” Your mouth hung open at Damian’s words, you slightly nodded your head in acceptance and frowned at him, narrowing your eyes. You had no words for Priest’s outburst, his reaction shocked you. Embarrassed, confused and ready to burst into tears you turned your back and walked away. Within an instant Priest had stood up from his chair in a desperate attempt to reach out for you before it was too late.

“Shit” he mumbled under his breath, knowing he’d probably gone a step too far and pushed you away.

“You don’t have to be a dick.” Rhea piped up having experienced the rollercoaster of a conversation that it was.

“Why is she asking me about Waller then?” Priest uttered in vexation as he turned to Rhea.

“Men really don’t get women do you?”

“We’re not mind readers Rhea!”

“Everyone can see it between the two of you Priest!”

“See what?” He asked as if he was oblivious but he knew what she was talking about. As he thought about it he was able to understand why he couldn't express his feelings towards you. He'd been with other women before and was able to tell them, but that had been meaningless sex and boring relationships. The excitement and affection he felt towards you was different and something he didn’t want to tamper with incase you didn’t feel the same. He’d rather have a friend in you if it couldn’t be nothing more and now it seemed like he had neither.

“The tension, the way she looks at you, the way you look at her. They way you get mad when another guy is talking to her or when she talks about another guy”

“Yeah cause I think I’m falling in love with her but she’s banging on about Waller.”

“Yeah, to make you jealous you donut.”

“Yeah she’s doing a good job of it then!”

“She wants you to get jealous so you open up about your feelings towards her! She’s into you. She may not be saying it but I am and she’s told me so many times that she’s into you…do with that what you will.. See you in the gorilla.” 

You hadn't spoken to Priest since yesterday's conversation and it was all you could think about whilst you were sitting alone, feeling utterly humiliated. You aimlessly bounced the straw of your drink up and down, flicking the dregs of your drink in your glass. You attempted to look calm and collected with straight posture and one knee crossed over the other but in reality you wanted the world to open up and swallow you whole as you began to realise Waller had stood you up…You couldn't quite believe it, you actually gave the guy a chance…albeit out of spite towards Priest and he was a no show. Waller no showed you. Waller no showed you whilst you looked absolutely fucking incredible, wearing your silver sequined crop top, black leather mini skirt and suede knee high boots. Waller no showed you…and you were pissed! Grabbing your purse from the table you leaped up from your chair ready to ditch your lonely date when a body stood in front of you blocking your way. Looking up you were greeted by Waller, who was wearing a look of disappointment and seemed a little nervous as he rubbed the back of his neck. Your lack of smile and your arms folded over your chest told him you were not impressed.

"Forget about our date?" You asked with a firm tone.

"Erm…shit. Look I'm going to be honest…"

"How thoughtful of you" Your words oozed with sarcasm.

"Priest asked me not go"

"Kinda threatened me not to go" Waller quickly changed his words.

Your eyes squinted, your mouth hung open a jar as you tried to comprehend Waller's words. Priest had told him not to go? 

"If Priest told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"

"Maybe. Look, no girl is worth getting pounded in the face by a six foot five machine like Priest alright."

"That's what he said?" You questioned Waller.

"Yeah and I don't want to have heat backstage, if there's something going on with you and Priest. You could have just told me'' Waller stuffed his hands in his jean pockets before rolling his lips inwards and walking away. You felt as though Waller had knocked the wind out of you, unsure if it was because you'd been turned down or because of the shit Priest had pulled. You frustratedly walked as fast as you could in your boots, taking the elevator up to the second floor of the hotel on a mission to find Priest. Knocking on Balor's door you hoped to see if Priest had been chilling out with him.

"Is he here?" You tried to look over Balor's shoulder to see if you could catch a glimpse of inside. Balor widened his eyes at your abrupt and not so warm welcoming hello.

"Hi to you too…"

"Sorry Balor" You changed your demeanour realising you'd been rude in your approach.

"You look nice…" Balor looked you up and down appreciating your appearance. 

"Thanks…it was for a date… that I got stood up on. Is Priest here?" 

"Erm no… he's three doors down,  227. Look, about what he said the other day, you should talk to him about him. Try to sort it out?"

"Don't worry I'm going over to talk to him" The smile you put on your face was pure mockery.

"Great. He's had a face like a slapped arse recently"  Balor didn't seem to sense the bitterness in your words and he seemed chuffed that you'd decided to talk to Priest.

"Well get used to it…" You announced walking away from Balor's room ready to confront him. He watched as you banged on Priest's door. Priest answered the door, your mouth suddenly began to dry up, your heartbeat increased and you felt your body heat rising to the temperature of a sauna. Priest was standing in just a towel, the drips of water made his body glisten in the light and you couldn't help but let your eyes flutter across his chest.

Standing your ground you shoved past him to allow yourself entry into his room and once you were far enough in the room you stood in the centre with crossed arms over your chest and raised brows ultimately telling Priest something was not right. He observed you, firstly sensing your displeasure at something, your breath hitched as he began to walk towards you… you watched him and noticed how his eyes danced across your body, admiring the stunning view that had graced him. Priest had listened loud and clearly to Rhea's advice.

"Why did you do it?" Instead of sounding powerful the words that left your mouth were whimpers, you tried to hold back the tears that wanted to break free. Priest sensed your change in demeanour and hated seeing you breaking down in front of him, you were now cuddling yourself as if to protect yourself from him. He reached out to put the palm of his hand on your cheek in an attempt to comfort you but your instant reaction was to take a step back to create some separation. You closed your eyes and singular tears leaked, you must have looked helpless to him as you stood staring at the ground.

"It was embarrassing sitting alone, I felt so stupid! I'm wearing this and having nobody show up made me look like an idiot. Why did you do it?" Priest realised you weren't here to talk about your previous falling out,  it was the other thing he’d done and Waller had snaked him out. Priest dumped himself on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his long wet locks, trying to find the right words to say to you. 

"I'm sorry I told him not to show… you do look incredible by the way"

"Don't try to flirt with me right now" you spoke as you sat next to him on the edge. 

Priest turned to look at you "I'm serious. You're far too beautiful and loving and caring for someone like Waller"

"That's for you to decide is it?"

"No but I…"

"You can't ruin my date because you don't think he's good enough. At least he's asked me out… and keeps asking like he knows he wants me. He's got the balls to ask unlike you "

"Is that what you want?"

"What?" You shook your head in confusion.

"Do you want me to ask you out?"

You weren't sure if he was serious or playing games with you. He stood up from the bed and stood in front of you, he took your hands and pulled you up, your body now touching his. He placed your arms around his shoulders and traced his fingers down your arms, you closed your eyes as he learnt his forehead on yours, you enjoyed his fingers now brushing up and down your sides till he finally settled his hands on your hips. 

"Is this what you want?" Priest voice was low and sensual. All that escaped your lips was a groan in pleasure. Priest’s forehead left yours and he slowly worked towards your neck, planting gentle kisses in the crevices of it. He then worked a trail of kisses towards your chest.

"Tell me this is what you want…" He paused his kisses for a moment. Your fingers had tangled up into his hair as you clutched onto him in desperation. Priest had hoisted you up and tenderly placed you down on the bed now hovering over you. 

"Is this what you want?" Priest asked again, his hand pulled your leg up which allowed him to trace his hand up it then stop as he reached the fabric of your underwear.

Yes, absolutely yes it was what you wanted. It was a head versus heart moment. Your head was telling you to stand up for yourself but your heart had wanted this for so long.

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day eighteen!)

(wow these are super short)

“you wanted to see me?”

you walked in the door to your bosses’ office. the couple shared one; the café wasn’t that big, and sharing an office allowed for better uses of the other room that would’ve been used as an office had they not shared.

“yes.” today, only mio, the wife, was in. this wasn’t completely uncommon, but part of you did find yourself preferring her to her husband. “sit down, (y/n).” you hesitantly sit down. you weren’t sure why she wanted you here.

“are you okay, (y/n)?” mio asked gently. you did a double take. this isn’t the sort of thing mio would take you out of work for.

“what?” you replied incredulously.

“you’ve been..” mio groped for words. “.. distracted.”

“distracted?” you repeat. “oh, no, i’ve been fine, really.”

“you’re messing up orders, hon.” mio said gently. you blinked. you didn’t mess up orders. you just didn’t. that’s not who you were.

“i- i’m sorry.” you apologized, shocked at the information. “i must have misheard the customer…”

“you gave mrs. hatsugawa earl grey tea.” mio replied. your brow furrowed at this. everyone in the cafe knows that mrs. hatsugawa orders the same tea, every time. oolong. not earl grey. you felt your frustration growing as your neck flushed in embarrassment.

“i’m sorry. it won’t happen again.” you bow your head slightly.

“i know it won’t.” mio gave you a small smile. “why don’t you go home early today?”

“go home early?” your head snapped back up.

“only if you’d like to.”

“it’s 4:30.” you shook your head. “i’m nearly done anyway, i get off at 6.” you weren’t “nearly done”, it was more so halfway. but how were you supposed to tell her that you had to stay until at least 4:57 in case he came back?

“if you insist,” mio agreed hesitantly. “but if you need anything, talk to someone. talk to me.”

“i will.” you smile and stand up. “thank you. i’m sorry i’ve been out of it, i’ll do better.”

“i know you will.” mio smiled. you nodded before turning and heading back to the main area. takumi glanced up at you briefly as she made a latte (takumi was an absolute prodigy when it came to latte art).

“where were you?” she asked, somewhat absentmindedly as she carefully practiced her craft in the cup.

“mio wanted to talk to me.” you answered, finishing another drink that takumi had seemingly been halfway done making.

“probably because you’ve been distracted.” takumi stated bluntly, as though you didn’t know this.

“you’re right,” you confirmed. “i told her i’d do better.”

“well, don’t let your boyfriend distract you too much.” takumi finished, studying the foamy design for a moment before setting it on the pickup counter, seemingly satisfied.

“are you ever going to not call him that?” you ask playfully.

“i’ll continue to call him your boyfriend, yes,” takumi answered bluntly as you set the second drink next to the latte.

“why do you do that?”

“because i think you two would make a good couple.”

“and what if i don’t want to be a couple?” you raise an eyebrow. “what if i just want to be friends?” takumi only shrugged.

“then it’ll be a code name for him.” she decided. “for when he comes in. i’ll say, ‘(y/n), boyfriend is here’ and you’ll come out to get him his coffee.”

“i see.” you answer slowly, not quite understanding her logic but finding the thought amusing nonetheless.

“it was mrs. hatsugawa who told mio you’re distracted,” takumi blurted out.

“what?” your attention instantly returned to takumi.

“she wasn’t tattling or anything. she looked really worried for you.” takumi reported. “i may joke about your boyfriend, but she really thinks you’re in love.”

“i know.” you sigh. “we’ve discussed it.”

“i think she sees her dead husband and herself in you and your boyfriend.” takumi asserted.

“takumi, don’t be insensitive,” you scold.

“was it insensitive?” takumi didn’t seem to realize.

“i just—“ you sigh and drop the subject. “never mind.”

part of you was relieved. takumi had successfully distracted you from your distraction (which was slightly ironic, but in a funny way). but when 4:56 turned into 4:57, the anxiety came flooding back. he still didn’t come.

“i know you will.”

(don’t forget to comment + give ur thoughts :)

@k0z3me @cherryblossomclarity @jazzafaye5294

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 3: Awkward Fumblings

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 2

September 1985

Julie sits on one of the picnic benches in the community area of the trailer park. She has one of her many notebooks open to a page she’s been working on for weeks. It’s a pencil drawing of the short story she wrote a few weeks ago. An empty field with serene trees and clear skies. The perfect background for the forefront of her story, if she could just figure out how to draw it. 

One of the trailer doors slams and a girl around her age goes around her trailer, heading to the gate with a small food tray. Her name is Max, Julie thinks. She and her mom moved into the trailer down the street from her a month or two ago. 

She shuts her notebook, the ideas of how to depict the scene she was drawing not coming to her anyway. It’s weird how the scenes created in her mind can get twisted when she tries drawing them on paper. 

When Max is walking back to her trailer, now with an empty tray of food, Julie walks up to her. 

“Hey,” she says, interrupting Max’s movement. “I’m Julie, I live two trailers down from you.”

“Cool,” Max replies with a cold glare. “I’m Max.”

“Were you feeding your dog?” Julie was never good at making friends, she doesn’t even know why she’s talking to Max at all. But she knows everyone else in the trailer park and they’re either too old to be friends with or too young. There’s just something about Max that she thinks might click. 

Max rolls her eyes slightly. Julie can’t tell if she’s annoyed with her or something else. “Yeah, he’s out back behind that fence.”

“Oh, I’ve seen him a few times. Wondered when he showed up.” They stand there awkwardly for a moment, Julie slightly swaying with the book held in front of her. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Max says with an attitude that means she probably didn’t mean it. 

Julie gives her a tight-lipped smile before walking back to her trailer. 

She doesn’t talk to Max for a few more weeks. She sees her a lot, just from sitting out on park benches and sometimes at school. But she doesn’t go up to talk to her again, Max clearly didn’t like it the first time. Doesn’t blame her. She caught her at a bad time, probably, and that made her not want to talk to Julie again. It just happens sometimes, most of the time. 

The trailer door slams shut again after a screaming match Julie could hear between Max and her mom. Mainly Max screaming, but about what Julie doesn’t know. After living in a trailer park for so long, she got used to shutting out the noise of the other trailers. They all have the thinnest walls known to man and sound travels fast, but it’s better for everyone if they learn to tune it out. 

It’s bad enough living in a small town where everyone seems to know everything, they don’t need to be hearing what’s going on inside everyone else’s homes. 

Julie expects Max to go behind her trailer to where her dog sits behind the gate. That’s where she normally goes after slamming the door shut. But instead, the table creaks as Max sits across from her on the other bench. 

“What are you doing,” she asks bluntly. 

“Drawing a scene from one of my stories. I can’t seem to get the tone right.” Julie erases the people she had drawn in the foreground, they weren’t right. 

Max nods, looking unsure of why she’s even here. After their last interaction, Julie can’t help but ask the same question. “What is the tone supposed to be?”

“Tense. The story is about a family that seems normal to the reader, but there’s something off that they just can’t place. Until it ends and you find out that the dad was never actually addressed properly because he was a ghost the whole time.”

“Spoilers much,” Max jokes. It’s surprising, but not unwelcome. “That’s a cool concept though.”

“Thanks,” Julie puts her pencil down, deciding to try and figure out how to fix it later. 

“Did you hear anything before, when I was yelling at my mom?” Max blurts out, eyes darting away when asking the question. 

Julie shakes her head. “I try not to listen to what happens in other people’s trailers. You end up hearing things you regret. Like, a lot of sex.”

That makes Max snort. “I get what you mean.” There’s a comfortable silence that falls over them this time, like they bridged a gap that Julie hasn’t ever really before. “Could you show me your drawing, maybe I can help you figure out what to do.”

“Sure,” Julie shrugs. 

. . . 

“What the hell are you doing here, dingus,” Robin scolds him as he walks through the door of Family Video, head throbbing. “You said you had a migraine, get out of here.”

Steve winces when he fully opens his eyes to the bad fluorescents. “I called out last week for an obvious fake sickness, Keith won’t let me do it again, even if it’s real.”

“You look like you can barely stand, Steve. Go home. Actually, no, I’m calling Eddie to come pick you up.”

He waves her off. “No, no. It’s fine. I just need to drink some water and take more painkillers. I’m at the end of my last dose. And I drove over here just fine.”

Robin glares at him, her jaw clenched. “Fine. But if I see you pushing yourself too far across the limit, I am calling Eddie and helping him push you into his car to take you home.”

“I’ll be fine, Rob, promise.” He unscrews the cap of his water bottle and swallows two more pills. 

“And I’m turning off some of the lights, I don’t care.” Robin walks to the light switches by the break room and flips the switch where every other light turns off. Steve hates to admit it, but it did give him a little bit of relief. 

Compared to his other migraines, today’s ranks at about a three. He was able to get out of bed and stand, so that automatically puts it underneath an eighth. And when he takes his pain meds on time and makes sure to stay hydrated, he can make it through one six-hour shift. He probably would have called out if it was any longer, but he can do it today. 

And luckily for him, Thursdays tend to be slow so he’s able to lean on the counter for the majority of his shift while rewinding tapes. A tedious job that Keith would yell at him for not also doing returns while they were rewinding, but he left an hour ago so Steve could do what he wanted. Within reason. 

Halfway through his shift, there is a slight crowd of people as the school day ends always bringing in a few kids on their way home from school. The excess noise from the groups of teens makes Steve’s head throb more, or at least makes him notice it more. He takes a few deep breaths in between customers, trying to keep a less pissed-off face on. It might not work but he tries. 

As the crowd weans down, someone comes up to the counter, dropping a tape on it getting Steve’s attention. 

“Hey, Steve,” a familiar voice he can’t place says. “Don’t take this the wrong way but you look like shit.”

When he lifts his head, he sees Julie, staring at him with more concern than she probably wants to. They haven’t talked since last week when she showed up at his house. Not like he didn’t want to. But he didn’t have a number or an address to go to and waiting to see if he could catch her after school sounded creepy. So, he was waiting for her to come to him, but she didn’t, not yet. Maybe now he could say something, apologize for not trying to get her to stay more. 

“Hey,” he says, perking up a bit. “How are you?”

She shrugs. “As good as I can be. Uh, this might be insanely overdue. I was finally going through some of my old stuff and guess I never returned it.” She slides the tape across the counter. 

Steve picks it up, scans it, and immediately gets rid of the late fees. “You’re good.”

“What,” Julie looks at him confused. “I know I’ve had that tape for at least three weeks, there should be late fees.”

“For most people yeah, but the joys of knowing someone who is willing to cheat the system is no late fees.”

“And risk his job just to let the kids walk over him,” Robin interrupts, coming behind the counter. “Not you, the other kids,” she turns to Steve. “Go take your break, I got it.”

“There still a rush, Rob-.”

“And I can see you struggling from across the store. Go. Take. Your. Break. You absolute dingus.”

Julie looks at them confused. “I know I said you look like shit but are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he brushes off. 

“No, he’s not. He should be home but he’s an idiot who decided it was a good idea to come to work with a migraine.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he goes to grab his lunch from the break room. “I’m going to eat in my car, be back in fifteen.”

“Hey,” Julie calls out to him when he leaves the building. “I don’t mean to take up your break, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean for last week to go like that. It wasn’t fair for me to lash out like that.”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry you couldn’t stay longer.” He sits on the hood of his car, motioning for her to sit next to him.

She does. “Me too. I really hate it at that house.”

“You know you’re not like banned from coming over. I mean you don’t if you don’t want to. But as long as you don’t stay the night and don’t break curfew, Hop said it was ok for you to come over.”

She takes a moment to think about it. “I think I would like that.”

“I would too. I always wanted a sibling,” he adds on, trying to show her that he cares. 

“I did too,” Julie smiles. “I’ll let you get back to your break, hope your head feels better.”

“Thanks. See you around.”

Steve eats his sandwich from his car, taking a moment to lie in the back seat, throwing an arm over his eyes to try and give them a break from the light. When he gets back into the store, it’s a bit better, but still there. It’s one of the many life adjustments he’s had to go through after four years of going through the same thing over and over again, but he’s slowly getting used to it. 

“I saw you talking to Julie on your break, you two good?”

“I think so, she said that she might come over sometimes.”

Robin smiles. “That’s good. She seemed like a good kid. We talked a little bit when you were having your absurdly long talk with Eddie and even though she was kind of reserved, I could tell. Like she just gave me that impression, both in the night before and in that morning. What’s wrong you’re giving me that look when you feel stupid asking a question.”

“I haven’t made a friend under normal circumstances in years, Rob. How do I even go about this?” Steve asks, suddenly hit with the realization that he knows so little about her.

“I don’t know, things. I mean I know you said you didn’t get to talk that much when she was there the last time, so maybe just use what you learned last time and go from there. Also, if you think these are normal circumstances then I hate to break it to you, but it is not. Bond over your shitty father. Get the awkward getting-to-know phase out of the way. Something”

Steve shrugs. “Maybe.”

. . . 

Julie knocks on the door of the Harrington house for the second time in her life, but this time she is supposed to. At least she hopes. All her life she’s felt that wherever her father fucked off, she would never be accepted. Especially when she learned the circumstances of how she came to be, there would be no chance. She half expected that when her case workers finally located her father, he would give up the rights so fast and stick her in the system for two more years until she ages out.

Which in the grand scheme of things, wouldn’t be the worst since she can leave in a few years. But she would do anything to get out of that house and can’t imagine that the next one would be any better.

But there was a small glimpse of hope that she couldn’t help but start to believe in. Steve genuinely seemed interested in knowing her, interested in trying to have some sort of relationship. And he wanted to try too.

It wasn’t surprising really, he was the only family she had that actually seemed interested at all. Someone she didn’t even know about until a month ago, and never met until the previous week. But in the short amount of time that they actually talked, she just had a feeling that this might work out.

“Give him some credit,” Chief Hopper said to her before dropping her off at the foster home. “There was nothing he could do to stop me from bringing you back. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life because God knows that teenagers never listen to me, but just give it some thought.”

As Steve opens the door and invites her back into his house, she can’t help but think that what he told her was right. She wasn’t mad at Steve, and she should give them both a real chance to do something before jumping to conclusions. Both of them deserved that.

“So,” Steve starts, leading her to the living room. “This is going to sound really stupid.”

“Why do I not like the sound of that?”

He snorts. “I don’t really either, but it’s all I got. We don’t know that much about each other, so I figured we could speed run some of those really stupid icebreakers just to get it out there.”

“To get the awkward stuff out of the way and start to find things in common. I get it.”

“Yep, exactly,” he nods. “So, things about me. I just turned twenty back in August. I’m not in college and don’t plan to be. I work at the video store, as you saw. My favorite color is green, I told you some of my hobbies. And that’s all I got right now.”

“Very interesting information,” She says sarcastically. “My turn, I guess. I’m sixteen, my birthday is in January if you didn’t catch that already. Uhm. I don’t have a job, but I wouldn’t mind getting an after-school one soon to start saving up early. I would like to go to college sometime, but I’m not sure if that would be entirely in the cards right now. My favorite color is blue. And like I said, my hobbies are writing and drawing, but I also like to read a good bit too.”

“What do you want to major in, if you did go to college? Do you know yet?”

“Writing, I think. I’ve been doing it for a while now and I really like it, and English is my favorite subject so I definitely want to do something with literature.”

“That’s really cool. I wasn’t the greatest in school, I tried to pay attention but a lot of the subjects just were hard for me. But I always did the best in history for some reason. Or gym if we’re counting that as a real subject.”

Julie laughs. “Wow, you really were a jock.”

“I like sports and for a time, it was the only thing I thought I was good at.”

“And now? What else are you good at?”

Steve sinks back into the couch, taking a second to think. “I like to think I’m a good cook. I’ve been alone really since high school, so I learned how to cook. Probably not the best in the world, but I like doing it, and it’s fun.”

“What do you mean by really alone?” She asks. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I was just curious.”

He laughs, like what he just said wasn’t incredibly sad. “I forget that not everyone knows. My dad always went on a lot of business trips, but for the first few years since I was born, my mom stayed home. Then she found out about his cheating, and went with him. After that there were nannies, none stayed for more than a few years, my mom always found something about them that pissed her off. When I started high school, she stopped hiring them. Both of them agreed that I was old enough to be home alone.”

Not like she’s too shocked, but to hear that her suspicions were right about Steve’s parents never being home hurts. She can’t imagine what it was like living in a home where the two people who are supposed to take care of you are never there.

“When did your mom find out about the cheating?” She’s hit with the sudden thought that it might have been around the time she was born, and she couldn’t help but ask.

“I was four, maybe five.” It takes him a second, but his eyes widen, and he sits forward, mouth agape. “Holy shit.”

“That’s probably not a coincidence, is it?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “It would be insane if it was. I thought she wouldn’t have known, that he kept it from her too. She must have found out somehow.”

Guilt hits her. He lived an empty life because of her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. It’s his fault, always was. He cheated on my mom constantly. On the rare chance that they were home, the screaming matches were intense. She knew of them, of course she knew about you.”

“I’m still sorry. You didn’t deserve to be left alone because your dad is a piece of shit.”

He huffs. “I’m sorry too.”

“How did you meet Robin? I never got to ask the other day.” She changes the subject to something different, hoping that it will bring them out of the weird mood that they landed in. 

“We worked at the same summer job. Scoops Ahoy, the ice cream place that was in the mall before it burned down. The one with the really terrible sailor outfits.”

Julie winces. “I remember those. They were pretty bad. And Eddie, when did you become friends.”

“Spring break, during all of the craziness that happened.”

She nods her head, letting him ask a question about her before they just start talking. It’s weird but nice at the same time. They strangely get along well and the conversations, while slowing at some points, keep picking back up. It’s feels natural, like it’s not forced. 

But then five o’clock hits and she has to head back to the foster home. He offers to drive her, and she accepts, loading her bike into the back of the car. The car ride isn’t awkward, even if they don’t talk the whole time. It’s comfortable, it’s safe. 

In the short amount of time that she’s known Steve, she can tell that he’s safe to be around. It’s just the feeling she gets from him. She’d be lying if she said it wasn’t surprising, but it’s not unwelcome. 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Steve says, rustling in his trunk when he helps get out her bike. “I wanted to give you this,”

She takes the box. “A walkie-talkie?”

“Yeah. I use them to talk to the kids I look after and their range is like unbelievably far. So I figured you could use it to talk to me, if you wanted. Or to shoot a warning that you’re coming over. Just something.”

It’s weird, but she accepts it. “Ok, thanks.”

“Yeah no problem,” he shrugs. “I’ll see you around.”

. . . 

When Steve doesn't know how to feel about something, he tends to just not feel anything about it. Like this whole situation about his father, he doesn’t know how to feel about it. 

His father is a cheater and has been for pretty much Steve’s entire existence. There was no secret about that. He’s made his own opinions about that a long time ago, and just shuffled it all to the part of his mind that he doesn’t like to think about too much. Because it hurts too much to think about it all, so he’d rather not. 

But the truth about it was that Steve was used to how his dad was. He was used to the way he treated Steve. How there were barely any phone calls unless he did something that would affect his dad’s image. No birthday or holiday calls, barely even making an appearance during Christmas or Thanksgiving anymore. Just an empty house that was never really lived in enough to even have memories created, let alone any semblance of a life. 

It was just Steve, and he was fine with that. As long as he was the only person that got hurt. 

Even that logic was flawed as his mom has been hurt for years. But that was different, she was an adult. And even though Steve knows that there would be no way that his mom could leave without her reputation being ruined, she still has some responsibility for how he was treated. He never blamed her, but she wasn’t without blame. 

So Steve didn’t care that he was hurt, as long as he was the only child of Richard Harrington that was. And for the majority of his life, that was true. Except it wasn’t. 

And Steve had no idea how to feel about that. 

When Steve wakes up the day after Julie came over again, it’s like all of the hurt that he has tried so hard not to feel has come back to the surface. All of the hurt that he’s become numb to has festered enough to make his skin crawl again. The hurt that would make him want to act out and seek attention from people who never really cared about him, but he wanted them to. 

He stares at his ceiling, thinking about all of the times that he’s woken up just like this. Empty house, bare walls, not a soul other than himself to talk to. More mornings than anyone should have been able to experience. Where it happens enough that the numbers get so large there’s no point in counting them anymore. 

Steve knows that there are people out there that care about him. Knows that there are people that love him. His friends and the family he’s made through the past experiences of his life loved him and he loved them. But the fact that he had to make a family outside of his own just to be loved the way he wanted hurt. 

Parents are supposed to love their kids. At least that’s what it feels like. From what Steve’s observed through his friends and even in his job, families are supposed to love each other. Fathers are supposed to be there to play catch in the yard, moms are supposed to be there to provide a hug that cures all tears. They are supposed to be home, not shove their kids off on someone else. 

It took a long time for Steve to realize that his family was broken and he couldn’t fix it. That one more party wouldn’t get his dad to notice him, for his mom to come home. Making the team got him a phone call because it looked good on them, not because they were proud of him. Getting rejected from college hurt their image, so they cared. Their son refusing to get a job other than part-time at a video store hurt their image, so they cared. There was a scar on his neck that looked suspicious enough that it made people talk, even if it wasn’t true, but it hurt their image, so they cared. 

Not one time did they ever come to visit him during his many hospital stays. Not once did they even send a card. The birthday gifts stopped after the Beemer, and even then it was rare. They didn’t care about him, just what he could do for them. 

Steve was just so tired of acting how people who didn’t even really care about him wanted him to. So he wasn’t going to anymore. 

He gets up and ready, heading straight to his car without a second thought. Driving with a half-baked plan that is made out of a sense of rebellion and just generally wanting something. Steve wants something with someone for the first time in a long time, and he’s tired of holding himself back from it. Even if his dad would hate it, he’s stopped caring that he would. 

“Steve,” Eddie asks confused when he opens the door. “Everything ok?”

Steve nods, letting himself in. “Yep, everything’s fine. Great even.”

“You sure?” Eddie looks at him with a concerned face. “You seem really jittery.”

He is feeling a bit shaky but that’s not going to stop him. “I’m done doing things just because I think it will get my dad’s approval.”

“I thought you already were, but continue. This is good.”

“So I’m going to things that I want, even if I know my dad will hate it. I’m not going to hold myself back anymore.”

“Good, you shouldn’t.”

Steve walks up to him. “I’m going to do what I want, because I want it without thinking of what could happen if he finds out. He acts without thinking of me, why should I act with him in mind.”

“I really like where this is going, Steve, but you are still scaring me a little.”

He lightly grabs the sides of Eddie’s face, a shocked noise slipping out when he does so. “I’m going to do what I want to.”

Before Eddie gets the chance to say anything else, Steve kisses him. Harder than he should of but he doesn’t care. He’s wanted this for far longer than he’s realized and isn’t going to let that voice in the back of his head tell him that it’s wrong anymore. He already canceled their previous plans because of that, he isn’t going to do that again. 

After the shock, Eddie kisses him back, leaning into Steve’s touch and wrapping his arms around him, pulling Steve in closer. 

. . . 

Julie’s least favorite class is probably gym class. A bunch of kids wearing the same clothes, all of which have shorts that are way too short, playing some dumb sport that her teacher deemed important for them to learn. The only good part about the class is that it’s not co-ed, she can’t imagine the comments that would be made about her if the guys were in the class. 

But she has to do it, so she goes out to the gym, the cold air hitting her as she exits the locker room, clutching her middle and just begging it’s something easy today. She notices a girl in a wheelchair by the bleachers, another girl with short hair sitting next to her animately talking about something. It’s Max, Julie realizes. She hasn’t seen her in school since last year, or at all really. 

Not that they were ever really friends. They talked a few times, but never enough to form something real. And after a while, Max came outside in general less and less, always looking like something else was taking over her mind. Julie wanted to reach out and ask if she was ok, but never felt like it was her place to do so. 

And then something big over spring break happened that no one had a good explanation for, and Julie didn’t see Max again for a long time. 

“Do they really make you come to gym class if you can’t participate?” Julie asks, walking over to Max and her friend. 

Max’s eyes are slightly clouded over and she looks at Julie like she can tell that she’s there, but can’t see it. “Yeah, it’s pretty stupid.” Her friend leans over to tell Max who it is, a face of recognition forming. “Julie this is my friend Jane, she just moved back to Hawkins from California.”

“Nice to meet you. Odd to hear someone moving here instead of away.”

“We are happier here,” Jane supplies, speaking with certainty in her voice. 

“I thought you moved too. I haven’t heard anyone drive to your trailer in a few weeks. Thought you might have gotten out of that shit-hole.”

Julie clams up, debating whether or not to tell her. But she’d rather not get emotional in the middle of gym class. “I moved to a place on Cherry Street, that’s probably why.” 

Their conversation is cut short when the teacher calls everyone to the center of the gym to go over the rules. Her mind is everywhere but the gym. Racing thoughts of what could have happened to Max to cause her to be in a wheelchair and possibly blinded, from what she could tell. Only landing at the same spot all of her thoughts seem to end up for the last few weeks. 

She thought that maybe there would be a time when she could think of her mom without almost breaking down, but she couldn’t. It seems that every time someone mentions anything about her, all she can think about is the fact that she’s dead. That Julie is left alone without her mom, forever. 

All she wants is to remember her mom without crying for once. Think of the happy memories with that sadness old people seem to get when talking about their friends. A form of silent sadness that doesn’t cause her to want to rip her heart out. She seems to continuously wake up with sore, red eyes and a pain she has no way of stopping. 

. . . 

July 1986

A few different cars pull up in front of the Mayfield’s trailer, a bunch of kids around her age pouring out and going up the door. All of them cheering when it opens. She recognizes a few of them from her classes. They must have been Max’s friends. 

She hasn’t seen Max since spring break. The only answer that her mom could ever get from asking neighbors was that she was severely injured from the earthquakes and was hospitalized. For months, apparently. 

Max came home last week in a wheelchair. Some people had come over to help build a ramp to the trailer a few days before and showed up again when Max came home. She wanted to go over and say that she was happy to see her back, but it felt wrong for some reason. 

Julie doesn’t know a lot about earthquakes, but she knows that they don’t happen in the middle of America, let alone Indiana. And they don’t happen in the way that it happened here. The cracks in the ground weren’t on any fault lines, or near them at all. And for all of them to start from one location and hit city hall, wasn’t normal. 

Nothing that happened over spring break was normal. She had seen the same bunch of kids running around the trailer park a few days before the quake. And the string of murders that Eddie Munson was wrongfully accused of happened days before the quake. 

None of it made any sense, and Julie had no way of knowing what really happened. Some said this town was possessed by the devil, but that was evangelical Christian panic shit that claimed a board game was demonic. There was something wrong with Hawkins, and Julie wanted to know. But sometimes questions never get answered, and she had to accept that. 

Part 4

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman

[leo-gold-hotchner]

Silent type

It’s been too long!

Aaron Hotchner X G.N. Reader

You were with your friends. The friendship formed strangely, as you didn’t know Derek until Pen introduced him to you. Since then, the three of you have sometimes shared drinks. Besides, Derek often hit the gym and helped you with training when he had time. Your phone vibrated slightly as you sat at a small round table in a pub with your friends. 

You took out your phone and checked it was from your boyfriend. Aaron wasn’t really happy when you told him one of the friends you were meeting was a guy. He didn’t say much, but you could practically imagine a scowl on his face.

“Someone important?” Derek asked with a knowing grin.

You nodded with a smile. “Boyfriend.”

“Ohhhh,” Pen squealed. “You finally found someone to date!”

“Shut it,” you laughed with your best friend. 

“You can ask him to join us,” Derek suggested as he sipped his beer.

“Unlike you two, his a silent type. He doesn’t talk much.” You shrugged as you read Aaron’s text. “That’s a bit problematic,” you muttered.

It was a short text, as usual. ‘See you after?’ You pondered if you could see Aaron after the friends’ night.

“What is it?” Pen asked giddily. “We’ll help you if you’ve got a problem!”

“It’s no big deal,” you glanced at the blank text box you popped up on the screen. “He’s way too silent. He doesn’t talk. I want him to talk to me, you know. I want him to tell me about his problems and how he thinks. I think he thinks saying those stuff to me would burden me. I want him to rely on me sometimes.”

“Is he like that even on the phone?” Derek asked as he supported his chin.

You gave your phone to your friends without a word.

Y: ‘M busy on Sat night’

Y: ‘So can’t see you :(‘

A: ‘Why?’

Y: ‘Gonna see my friends’

Y: ‘U can join if u could?’

A: ‘Sorry, busy.’

A: ‘Male friends?’

Y: ‘Lol’

Y: ‘Jelly?’

Y: ‘Two friends, one of them is male’

Y: ‘Dont worry’

A: ‘Have fun.’

“He replied to you in less than a minute,” Pen said. “He can’t do that if he doesn’t love you!” She defended your boyfriend heatedly.

“You reckon?” You frowned, and you watched Derek drag the texts all the way down.

“Tell him you can see him after this. It’s not like we gonna bound you to us all night.” Then Derek smirked. “You know, your boyfriend’s name is Aaron, and his texts are way too familiar.”

“Hmm?” 

“Nah, there are so many Aarons out there, and some of them will be silent types as yours and ours.” He waved his hand as if it was nothing.

“Anyway, I can just see he loves you!” Pen grabbed your hands with hers. “You will have to talk to him about being silent, but other than that, he’s ur,” Pen looked at Derek to help find the right word.

“Attracted? Infatuated?” Derek suggested.

“Either’s fine, I guess,” the woman laughed. “Anyway, it’s game over when he asked to see you tonight. Tell him you’re on the way! You must catch this guy!”

“Wait, are you sending me away?”

“As your friend, I must encourage you to see your boyfriend. You can introduce him to us later.”

As you exited the pub -although the two friends pushed your back to get out, you texted Aaron that you were on your way to see him. He told you to go home, and he’d be at your place. So when you arrived at your home, Aaron was standing in front of the door, his hands buried into the coat pockets.

“How long have you been standing here?” You asked worriedly as you saw his ears were bright red from the winter air.

“I just arrived before you did,” he replied as he shrugged. “Did I cut your night short?”

You tilted your head and looked into his eyes. “But you don’t regret that, do you?”

“No,” Aaron answered with a small smile. “I finished my report quickly to see you.”

You turned your back on Aaron so he wouldn’t see your embarrassment and unlocked the door. Aaron followed you naturally and took off his frozen coat. 

“You’re usually so silent, and that frustrates me sometimes,” you said bluntly as you turned on the water boiler. You thought Aaron might frown at you, but his face was expressionless, and he just silently listened to you. “But at the same time, you’re so blunt, which makes me feel happy to know how you feel.”

“Am I?” Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“Yes!” 

“About being silent, I’ll do my best to talk more and make you happy.” His eyes were so soft.

You opened and shut your mouth, not knowing what to say. “You just made me feel like I’m the villain here.”

“Then you’re a villain I love the most,” Aaron smiled gently at you.

“You really have a way with words, aren’t you,” you once again hid your face from him to hide the heat on your face.

Aaron gently grabbed your hand. “Promise me one thing.”

“As long as it’s within my ability.”

“You’re way too smart, aren’t you,” Aaron smiled as he brushed his lips on the back of your neck. “Don’t hold back. You also have to tell me how you feel.”

You squeezed his hand. “I promise.” 

[jennay]

The Set Up (5)

Kieran’s Advice

Master List

An: I have wrote this in like four other scenarios and decided to go with this one. Let me know what you think! Is there anything specific you want to see on their date? Do you want to be tagged in updates?

Spring never made sense to you; one day, it's snowing, and the next day, the sun shines like the snow never happened. You always wondered how flowers and trees could survive such drastic changes in temperature and weather. You parked your car in the city park parking lot, feeling a slight breeze on your face. Hopping out, you stuff your keys, phone, and thin wallet into your pockets. You were never one to carry around a purse. You'd forget it somewhere and have done that before at a subway and had to watch as the employee dug through your bag to find your ID to prove you could tell it was you. You felt embarrassed and annoyed by the ordeal and vowed never to use a purse again. You scan the park looking for Kieran and his kids. You were more excited to see the kids than Kieran, but you'd never tell him.

As you get closer, you hear squealing across the way, and two tiny toddlers rush toward you. "Hi, babies!" You bend down and open your arms, allowing them to come in for a hug. They smell like sunshine and grass.

"Hi." You pull back from them, kissing each of their foreheads. They each latch onto one of your hands, and you start your walk across the park to where Kieran is sitting on a blanket in the grass. He has a picnic basket and a cooler beside him and smiles at you. "I see you made some friends." He says, pointing to the kids.

Kinsey lets go of your hand and plops beside her father, "Sit!" She says, patting the ground next to her. She has her mother's straight brown hair and her father's hazel green eyes; she looks adorable in her pink dress and white sandals.

"Yes, Ma'am." You sit down and pull Wilder into your lap, tickling him to the ground. He giggles uncontrollably, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He has his mother's dimples and looks handsome in his blue shirt and khaki shorts.

You lean back on your hands, "I don't know how you got such cute kids."

Kieran smirks, "Why don't you guys go play? That's what we came for." He shoo's the kids away, "We only have so much daylight left." They don't need to be told twice, "Hey, keep an eye on your brother, please!"

You chuckle at him, making him look at you weirdly. "You know she will be the first to push him in the dirt." You tease, remembering how she used to do that to you when you babysat her.

"As long as it's her and not some jerk kid…I can't beat up a kid." He jokes, but you can tell he's serious. He's very protective of his kids; you don't blame him. They're his world, and he would do anything for them. He looks at you with a friendly smile, changing the topic. "Anyhow, catch me up. What's been going on in your life lately? How's your dad?"

"They discharged him two days ago. Can you believe it? Major surgery and out in two days. My brother's been checking on them, and I'm still gathering the courage to go and sit with them all in the same room." You whisper. "Seeing my dad will be great, but sitting in a room with my mother who desperately wants grandchildren?"

"Ahh, she's just excited. You can't blame her." He says. "Who knows what's going to happen anyway." He grabs water out of the cooler handing you one.

"She told me to invite Rory over for dinner next week." You laugh, shaking your head. "The way my mouth dropped. Like, damn, let me date him first." You watch Kieran's lips curl into a smile. "He's been in town for three days, and you've avoided seeing him." He says bluntly. "So what's really going on? Why are you here with me and not him?"

You take a sip of your water and try to think of a good excuse to get him off your back, but you know that's what he's expecting. He's eyeing you like a hawk.

You sigh softly. “I don’t know. I want to see him. I do. But it’s complicated.” You sigh, rubbing your temples. “My family is a mess, Nick is breathing down my neck about the next season ending and I have this weird feeling that something bad will happen.” You look at Kieran with a pleading expression. “I don’t know what to do.” 

He shakes his head, frustrated. “You’re overthinking it, as usual. You need to relax and enjoy life a little. Filming is your passion, and Rory is your potential boyfriend. Nothing bad will happen unless you keep pushing him away.” He’s blunt, and sometimes you hate it. 

“Fine, fine. I’ll call him.” You give in, knowing he’s right. “I’ll see if he wants to meet up.” You pull out your phone and tap on Rory’s name. “Hey, what are you up to? Because I’m hanging out with your brother at the park… and he’s driving me crazy.” You pause for a second and add before Rory can respond. “I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight and watch that new horror flick, the one with the creepy dolls? I think id feel safer with you there.” You flirt, hoping he’ll say yes. 

Kieran watches curiously, trying to guess what Rory says based on your facial expressions. He sees you widen your eyes and gasp slightly, then grin and nod.

He smiles when he hears you say, “Awesome, see you soon.” and put your phone back in your pocket.

“Well?” He asks eagerly. 

“Well, he’s coming.” You beam, feeling a rush of adrenaline. “I guess I should go get some food and stuff.” You say, realizing you have nothing in your fridge. 

“Or you could order pizza and save yourself the hassle,” Kieran suggests, knowing you’re not much of a planner. “Everyone loves pizza.”

“Nah, maybe I’ll make tacos or something.” You say

“Tacos? That’s random. Do you even have any ingredients?” Kieran asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’ll figure it out. How hard can it be?” You say confidently, ignoring his skeptical look.

“Alright, well, good luck with that. And don’t forget to buy some beer and condoms. Be safe, you know.” Kieran says, winking at you.

“Shut up. We’re just hanging out.” You say, blushing. 

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” Kieran says, smiling. He stands up, and you help pack the picnic basket and the cooler.

“Come on, let’s go get the kids and head out. You have a big night ahead of you.” 

You nod and follow him to the playground, where Kinsey and Wilder play happily. You hug them goodbye and thank Kieran for spending the day with you.

“Have fun.” He hugs you back.

You get in your car and drive to the nearest grocery store, feeling excited and nervous, thankful you haven't completely messed things up.

Part 6

[archive-of-queens]

good luck, babe! ~ jeon heejin

a/n: it's been a while, hasn't it? To be honest, it's totally my fault as I tend to delete the drafts I don't like rather than throwing them on here. I also tend to hold onto drafts that I don't plan on completing if I want to eventually pick up the project again. (glances over at my red velvet criminal minds au) anyways, this is the first draft from my most recent post on my blog, the one with the jeon heejin. I don't have any reason why I threw this draft out other than I didn't like it lol.

tw: reader is kind of a walking cliche, it's a jeon heejin fic without jeon heejin appearing in this snippet (typical Katie behavior iykyk), not grammar checked

“You shouldn’t be here. It’s not your kind of space.”

“How do you know what my space is?”

“I just know that you and I shouldn’t be in the same room, that’s all.”

~

You rip the flier off of the wall with ease before gasps ring out behind you. They’re not surprised by your actions, more so shocked by the time it took for you to react.

Jeon Heejin, Ms. Class President and Royal Pain-in-Your-Ass, was hosting a party. Little Miss Perfect held these extravagant parties after major exams and school events, and you hated it.

The people behind you thought it was because you hated her guts.

You just wanted people to know the real Jeon Heejin.

~

“What would people think if they saw you like this?”

“It’s a good thing no one will know about this, right?”

“Your secret’s safe with me… for now.”

~

You crumple up the flier and toss it into the trash can before entering class.

“Headphones.” 

Like a repeating alarm clock, your professor appears at your side as you attempt to walk to your seat.

“I pay you so I can be in this class. Why do you care if I’m paying attention or not?” You shrug before placing your bag down on the empty chair next to you.

The professor follows you as you sit down and pull out your laptop.

“I’ve seen your writing. You have amazing potential, and it’s being wasted by your inability to take action-”

You cut her off with a roll of your eyes as you pull your headphone off of your ears.

“Happy?”

“I am. It’s good to see that you’re finally willing to apply yourself to this subject. That Heejin girl seems to be rubbing off on you-”

“We’re not friends.” You roughly respond as you glare at the professor in front of you.

“I’ve heard differently, especially during my office hours.” Your professor’s gaze lands on the table behind you, and you don’t have to turn around before the culprits reveal themselves.

“Someone has a crush~” Jinsoul’s voice rings out from behind you, and two other girls start laughing along with her.

“Excuse me, Professor,” You give your professor the fakest smile ever before turning your chair around to face Jinsoul, “Do you enjoy meddling in my life?”

“On occasion, especially when it pisses you off.” You want to rip the cheerful smile off of her face, but you wait until the professor’s out of earshot.

“Shut the fuck up.” You grab a pencil from your bookbag before setting it next to your laptop.

“The bad girl attitude does not suit you.” Jinsoul bluntly says before the girl on her left, Jungeun, elbows her side.

“Hey, that’s my thing!” Jungeun teases you before looking at your laptop. “Hiding something from us? Perhaps a secret girlfriend?”

“It’s my Calc homework, if you’re interested in helping-”

“Hell no.” Jungeun scoffs before playing with the spine of her notebook. “I did my time with my math classes.”

“Me too, so don’t ask me.” Jinsoul looks to her left. “Choerry?”

“I’ll help you if you tell me when you’re seeing Heejin this weekend.” Cheorry absentmindedly says as she messes with the flash drive on her computer.

What the fuck.

You sigh.

“I hate you all.”

~

“Why do you put on this bad girl persona? Is it an act, or is it truly who you are?”

“I’m kind of hurt that you can’t see through my façade.”

“I guess we both don’t know each other as well as we thought, huh?”

~

[thatanimewriter]

BLOOD RUNS COLD.

➳ request:  Hello, may i request a scenario where pyrrha is with a gn waterbending (can control water and turn water to ice and can control ice adn can shape water or ice to whatever they want) s/o who can  bloodbend (controls people's blood which also means body) her s/o keep their bloodbending a secret because of fear that pyrrha eould be disgusted by it until her s/o save her life by bloodbending cinder during the fall of the beacon and then pyrrha start asking questions

➳ character/s: pyrrha nikos

➳ warnings: violence, mentions of death, mild angst, some fluff, mentions of abuse

➳ word count: 0.8k

➳ notes: this is kinda short and has very little dialogue, but have it :))

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭  

you’d never really had a problem with your semblance before. initially it wasn’t much to brag about, plenty of people had something to do with water, so it’s not like you were special in that department. what you didn’t realise until much later was that it could extend beyond water. this was unlocked out of fear when the school bully wouldn’t leave you alone. the bruises along your body were telling of that.

when he froze suddenly, you were greatly confused. instead, it seemed the look of fear was mirrored on his features as he tried to break free of your hold. standing shakily, you stared in horror when you felt overwhelming power course through your veins. the growing crowd had snapped you out of your daze and released him, to which he screamed ‘MONSTER’ at you, pushing through the crowd to flee and leaving you in the centre of it all, petrified and unaware.

nowadays, since learning to master it in hopes you would never have to use it, you kept that part of your semblance silent. the others didn’t need to know that you, the oh-so-kind waterbender was indeed a monster. you could get by just fine without it regardless. that’s what you thought, anyway.

after running up the side of beacon tower thanks to weiss’ help, you found yourself at an impasse. your eyes lingered on the arrow embedded into pyrrha’s heel before settling on cinder, standing tall as if she’d won. you debated using your waterbending to defend pyrrha, but what could you do against cinder? fire and water don’t mix and there is a clear power imbalance if you were to only use waterbending.

the inner conflict abruptly silenced as cinder readied her bow and arrow, aimed at pyrrha’s exposed chest. to be honest, you don’t even remember what happened, but a mix of grimm, clanking weapons and distant battle cries occupied your hearing.

cinder’s body stood frozen, as did pyrrha’s, but not due to your semblance. though you’d fallen back on bloodbending this once, pyrrha’s mind was racing with the thoughts of her life, her friends, her family, but most importantly, you. slowly looking to you, her face fell as she noted the tears that dripped down your face and the outstretched arms in cinder’s direction.

the next thing you remember was waking up in an infirmary. the sterile smell of the room invaded your nostrils and prevented you from returning to your slumber. slowly opening your eyes, you regret it immediately as artificial white lights blinded you. 

though you were in the infirmary, you noticed that no wires or needles were hooked up to your body. no injuries justified you being in a hospital bed aside from the minor cuts and burns you’d suffered prior to finding pyrrha, who had just entered the room with a bouquet of flowers.

‘you’re awake,’ she stated, calmly approaching the bedside and leaving the flowers on the table next to you. ‘how do you feel?’

‘like an idiot.’

she chuckled lightly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. ‘what do you remember of the fight at beacon?’ she wondered.

‘you almost dying,’ you responded bluntly. ‘nothing after that. that’s why i feel stupid. that, and one other thing.’

pyrrha reached for your hand and squeezed it lightly. ‘how did you save me?’ she asked. you weren’t expecting her to go straight for it, but you couldn’t blame her. you pretty much just revealed your trump card that you try your best to never use.

you stared at pyrrha, sitting on the edge of the bed and tried to gauge what her reaction would be to the reveal, but soon after decided that you owed her an explanation. whether or not she stuck around after that was the real question.

‘bloodbending.’

‘excuse me?’

sighing, you looked her in the eye. ‘bloodbending. because i can waterbend, this transfers to blood,’ you explained, tears gradually lining your eyes.

‘why didn’t you tell me about this?’ pyrrha pressed, scooting closer to you but never releasing your hand.

‘i wasn’t going to in the first place. the first time i did it, i was called a monster. i just wanted to keep it secret to avoid all that.’

at your response, she leaned in to press a kiss to your lips, cupping your jaw as she deepened it slightly. pulling away slowly, she stroked your cheek with her thumb. ‘i would never think you’re a monster. you saved my life, i would be dead without you.’

you smiled at her weakly, covering the hand on your cheek with yours and leaning into her touch. ‘let’s not think about that,’ you said, kissing her palm gently. ‘cuddle with me?’

‘i could never say no to that.’

[yusuke-of-valla]

Whumptober Day 2: Good Friends And Good Food

AO3

The second Wednesday of the month usually marks the time where people pack their own lunches and avoid the cafeteria, on account of the head chef having free reign on that day to try her “experimental” dishes.

(To the chef’s credit, she’s been at the school for 50 years and is otherwise a talented cook when she doesn’t get the urge to experiment and is just about the sweetest woman ever, so no one has the heart to tell her everyone’s taken to calling her original concoctions Mystery Food X after a teacher slipped up and called it that.)

There are very few exceptions, one of them being Yusuke, who’s diet of generally anything he can find that’s edible has left him with an iron stomach.

As such, Yusuke’s a little surprised to see someone else there when he gets to the cafeteria.

“Oh, hello! Did I miss something?” A girl with close-cropped white hair asks. “No one else is here.”

“No, most people just avoid the cafeteria on these days,” Yusuke explains. “If you don’t mind me asking, are you one of the Italian exchange students?”

“Yes!” she says, sticking out her hand. “Maria Lucrezia Fiore.”

Yusuke opens his mouth to speak but she keeps going.

“And it’s either Maria Lucrezia or just Lucrezia, I never go by Maria, that’s my oldest sister. She’s Maria Teresa but she goes by Maria, my second oldest is Maria Alessia, my younger sister is Maria Sofia, we’re all Marias, so only Maria Teresa answers to Maria.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Yusuke says. “I’m Yusuke Kitagawa, a third year student in the art department. You?”

“Art as well, though I’m with the second years.”

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Fiore-san.”

“Please, call me Maria Lucrezia at least.” 

“If you insist. Are you in the joint art show?”

While the Italian students were at Kosei, they were challenged to try a painting inspired by a Japanese artist, while the Japanese students were challenged to try a painting inspired by an Italian artist.

The best pieces from each year were going to be on display in a few weeks, along with some cross-cultural music and poetry reading, at a farewell gala the night before the exchange students leave.

“Yes! You as well?” 

Yusuke nods. “I wish I had had more time to touch up the piece, but the professor approved of it anyway so there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Great! I’m excited to see it. Who did you base yours on anyway? I picked Taikan.”

“I decided to go out of my comfort zone and try something inspired by Boccioni.”

“Bella, bella! I’m sure it’s wonderful.”

“Thank you,” Yusuke says. 

“Kitagawa-kun!” The head chef says. “Good to see you! And Fiore-san, I’m so happy you’re here! I’m hoping you two can tell me what you think. I want to try and create some fusion cuisine for the gala, so I was hoping to get student feedback.”

The head chef takes them back to the kitchen and plates them… well it looks like sushi. However instead of rice the chef used spaghetti and made a dip for pasta sauce.

Yusuke takes a bite, and is a little caught off that the spaghetti is warm.

But he never turns down free food, so he gobbles it up.

“Ah! Delicious!” Maria Lucrezia says.

“Yes, thank you for the meal,” Yusuke says.

“I’m glad you think so, but do you think the other students will like it?” The head chef asks.

“Probably not,” Yusuke says bluntly. “The consistency is very strange.”

“I think it’s great! It kind of feels like it’s crawling down my throat on it’s own!” Maria Lucrezia says. Then she thinks for a bit, “though my brother thinks all my favorite foods are gross, so I guess I can’t speak for anyone else.”

“Well, thank you for your honesty. I just can’t stand the thought of making regular hors d'oeuvres for the gala! I mean it’s a celebration of two cultures coming together! That should be included in the food.”

“Well Italy and Japan have to have a lot of culinary staples that overlap,” Yusuke suggests. “I mean they’re both more or less surrounded by the ocean, at the very least they have to fish.”

“Yes! Seabass, cod, swordfish!” Maria Lucrezia says. “So maybe you can do sushi the way they’d make it if it originated in Italy! So use orzo instead of rice or something!” She gasps. “Oh or you can make a Japanese Timpano!”

The head chef nods thoughtfully. “Yes, yes, I must consider this. Both of you, out!”

She shoves them out of the kitchen.

“It’s good to see someone passionate about food!” Maria Lucrezia says. “So many people think of it as just something to eat.”

“Well it is,” Yusuke says. “I do agree that it’s nice to take the time to savor your food, but good food made with care isn’t always available.”

Saying that makes Yusuke miss Leblanc. He hasn’t been in awhile.

Futaba’s busy enjoying her school life to the fullest, and Ren’s back home, so neither of them have invited him over and he can’t go on his own. Otherwise he’d be taking advantage of Boss’s hospitality.

His stomach aches for the warm curry, though.

“That’s such a shame.”

Maria Lucrezia’s words shake Yusuke from his thoughts.

“Getting to enjoy food you like is important! It’s a part of being alive, no?”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Yusuke says.

~

Yusuke stares at the piece he submitted for the Gala. Their teacher is keeping it in her office since too often students will try to edit or touch up already submitted works, but he can see it through the window.

Honestly, he doesn’t know if he wants to touch it up or take the katana he hasn’t touched since February and slice through the canvas.

He’d told his teacher he was inspired by Umberto Boccioni and the Futurist movement, but that was a lie.

In reality futurism happened to be well suited to capturing the spirit of the Phantom Thieves. The futurists had declared: 

 “We shall sing the great masses shaken with work, pleasure, or rebellion; we shall sing the multicolored and polyphonic tidal waves of revolution in the modern metropolis.”

And how could Yusuke resist?

The form, light, and dynamism of Boccioni’s artwork reminded Yusuke of his friends, who, even outside of the Metaverse, are leaping forward into the future.

And here he is. Still doing the same thing he’s always done. 

Everyone’s off trying new things, pushing themselves to grow and be better than they were, and Yusuke doesn’t even know where to start.

He does know he misses them. 

But at the same time, he can’t distract them, clinging to them just because he feels lost.

~

Yusuke doesn’t know how he got volunteered to be on the planning committee for the gala, he just knows he’s here.

Maria Lucrezia’s there too, and she instantly invites him over to sit between her and a boy who must be her brother.

“Ok, so we’ll need to split into groups to do tasks. Since some of you joined late you’ll be assigned, and— Kitagawa and Fiore-san, you’re on flier duty.”

“Huh? But I heard there was an option for arranging the food that was still open!” Maria Lucrezia says.

“You’ll just encourage the chef to get experimental,” her brother says. “Not all of us can eat trash like you two.”

The head of the committee looks sheepish, confirming that it’s exactly as the brother said, and continues on with the assignments.

“I’m sorry for my brother’s rudeness,” Maria Lucrezia whispers. “This is Benito.”

“Hello. Nice to meet you,” Yusuke says, offering his hand.

Benito simply glares at it. “Don’t cause trouble for my sister, alright?”

Maria Lucrezia rolls her eyes. “Yes, yes, very helpful Beni.”

“I’m serious, Lucrezia. I’ve heard about him, he’s the weird one. Think about it, how out there does he have to be to be weird to the eccentrics at this school.”

“I can hear you,” Yusuke says.

“I know.” Benito turns to his sister. “He doesn’t even have any friends despite being about to graduate.”

“I have friends,” Yusuke interjects.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do, they just all go to other schools.”

Benito rolls his eyes. “You can’t come up with a better lie?”

“Why would that be a lie? There are lots of schools in Tokyo.”

“Sure but if every single one of your friends goes to another school, and no one else has heard of them, that’s a lie.”

“Hifumi Togo’s met one of my friends.”

“Oh, the shogi prodigy?” Benito fake gasps. “You mean the one currently at a tournament in Nagoya and thus can’t verify that you have friends?”

Yusuke rolls his eyes and pulls open his sketchbook. “Think what you will.” What does he care if this random exchange student believes Yusuke’s friends exist?

“We can meet them at the gala!” Maria Lucrezia says. “We’re the Flier Squad! So we’ll make sure they know about it!”

Yusuke blinks. “If they can come.”

Benito scoffs. “Oh sure, they’re all going to be busy, right? How convenient.”

Yusuke’s grip on his notebook tightens. “You never know.”

~

Yusuke stares at his phone as people walk past him in the underground passageway. 

There’s no point in asking Ren, Ann, and Ryuji since they can’t make it out to Tokyo. Futaba, Haru, and Makoto will be around, and maybe it’d be worth asking Sumire as well on the off chance she doesn’t have a gymnastics meet?

He sends a picture of the flier to each of them.

Yusuke: My work is going to be on display, would you like to come?

There. That didn’t sound desperate. He’d hate for them to drop plans to come out of pity. 

The task done, he puts his phone in his pocket, and tries to focus on watching the people passing by. Normally he’d work on capturing individual people, but since he’s on a bit of a futurism kick, he tries to capture the movement of the crowd itself, and the leaving, breathing bustling of the subway.

He’s almost in the zone when his phone buzzes, at which point Yusuke practically drops his sketchbook to drop his phone.

4 New Messages.

Yusuke takes a deep breath and checks them

Futaba: Sry, next Friday I’m in a gaming competition. Tell me about it after tho! Is there an award? Kick ass!

Makoto: I’ll be in a study group prepping for a big test, I’m so sorry. Will you send pictures?

Haru: Oh no, I’ll be at a business dinner, you must tell me when the next one is though. I’m sorry!

Sumire : Gah! I’m so sorry Kitagawa-senpai! I’ve got the regional finals that day and I won’t be back until late. I might be able to make it before the end?

Yusuke quickly texts “don’t worry about it” to each of them and leans back against the wall. 

Yusuke turns off his phone and slips it back into his pocket. This is fine. It’s not like it’s a show with anything on the line. He’s just showing off a piece that’s already been recognized.

And it’s not like he needs them there to show up some jerk who’ll be back in Italy the next day.

No, he’s being ridiculous. They all have things on the line, he doesn’t. This won’t affect his grade, or his chances of getting into college, or anything.

They have more important things to do because they’re actually taking risks, Yusuke thinks to himself.

Because they’re putting themselves out there and trying things, while Yusuke remains falling back on what he’s always been good at. On what everyone’s always expected him to do.

He’s in place and they’re flying forward.

Yusuke realizes some people are staring at him, and it’s because he’s shaking. He packs up his bag and goes.

No matter how sorry he feels for himself, it doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t matter his friends can’t come to the gala.

~

“Please come to Kosei High’s first Biennial Cross Cultural Gala! There will be food, music, and artwork on display!” Maria Lucrezia says. 

Every day after school for the last week and a half, Yusuke and Maria Lucrezia have been handing out fliers in different neighborhoods near the school. They really want a large turnout from the local community.

Yusuke’s not sure how many people will actually come, but they have been taking a lot of fliers at least, which is the important part on their end.

“Yo! Inari!” Yusuke turns and spots Futaba running towards him. “Whatcha doing?”

“Handing out fliers,” Yusuke explains, showing her one.

“Oh yeah! The thingie! I’m sure it’ll be cool,” Futaba says. “What’ve you been up to, prepping for this?”

“Yes, pretty much.” We both know I never have anything else to do, is the part Yusuke bites back. He cannot draw his friends into his problems.

“You ok?” Futaba asks. “You eating? Because you’re always welcome at Leblanc.”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” Yusuke says. 

“Sakura-san!” 

A boy and a girl Yusuke doesn’t recognize run up to Futaba. 

“Oh! Hey guys, this is my friend Inari, I told you about him. Inari, this is Aoyagi and Kusanagi, they’re who I’m entering the gaming tournament with. We’re here to practice at the arcade.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Yusuke says. They’re not even wearing Shujin uniforms, so Futaba’s managed to make friends on her own. She never could have done that a year ago.

The swirl of pride in Yusuke’s stomach is weighed down by a tinge of jealousy. Look at how far Futaba’s come, and yet here he is.

“Are you ok?” Futaba asks.

“I’m fine!” He won’t tarnish her moment with his own issues. “I have to keep handing out fliers, I’ll see you around.”

Yusuke runs off before Futaba can say anything, and almost knocks over Maria Lucrezia.

“Oh, there you are, Yusuke-sanpai!”

“Senpai” he corrects her.

“Right, sorry! Senpai. A month in Japan and I’m still not getting it!”

“You speak it fine,” Yusuke says.

“Ah, thanks. I’m… slow at learning things sometimes, you know? I like to take my time.” She sighs, “the next time we come to Japan, I want it to be for longer.”

“Thinking of studying here?” Yusuke asks.

“Perhaps, I don’t know. I’ve lived lots of places, and they’re all so different! I want time to appreciate them all.”

“Oh, you travel around a lot?”

“Yes, though my sisters and I have a bet to see who can go the longest without going to America.”

“Do you travel for your parents' work?” 

Maria Lucrezia’s normally cheery demeanor drops for a second. “No, they died a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Yusuke says. “I understand… my mother passed away a long time ago too, and my previous caretaker is out of the picture.”

“You ever get jealous of people complaining about their parents? Like ‘oh no they make me do homework!’”

“Can’t say I do. I suppose it depends on the parent.”

Maria Lucrezia nods. “Yeah, good answer. Beni’s mom…”

“You have different mothers?”

“Yeah. She was a massive fucking cunt, pardon my French.”

“You’re speaking Japanese.”

Maria Lucrezia laughs. “Kitagawa-senpai, you’re so funny! I seriously don’t get why no one hangs out with you!”

Yusuke tries to keep his face neutral, but Maria Lucrezia seems to catch it. “Oh, I didn’t mean—”

If he wanted he could take her to the arcade and introduce her to Futaba, but all that would do is grant him some satisfaction at the expense of Futaba’s time with her friends.

“It’s fine,” Yusuke says. “Let’s just get back to work.”

~

The gala, at least, is a resounding success. Tons of people from the neighborhood come to visit, including some Yusuke suspects who are just here for the free food, which he respects.

The head chef’s fusion cuisine has come out well from the looks of it, everyone seems to be enjoying it and she’s beaming with pride.

Once the final performance finishes, people begin to trickle out, and the head of the planning committee grabs Yusuke aside and asks him to help put away things.

He’s joined by Maria Lucrezia and Benito.

“Shouldn’t you be preparing for your plane ride?” Yusuke asks. 

“We’ll be fine,” Maria Lucrezia says. 

“I don’t want to leave her alone with you,” Benito adds. “Since your friends didn’t end up showing up after all.”

Yusuke rolls his eyes and pushes past Benito, grabbing several chairs and heading back to the storage closet, Maria Lucrezia following behind.

The door slams shut behind them.

"You'll have to forgive Beni," Maria Lucrezia says. "He's doing his best, even if he can be blunt sometimes."

"I'd like to stop talking about this."

"You know what I think?"

"No,"

"You're a real artist, you know? So many feelings that you're pouring out into the world. And it's killing you that no one can match that. Everything you give you'll never get back because your so-called friends don't care about you as much as you care about them. If you were in their shoes, you'd have noticed if they were upset. You would have been there for them. But then again, they can't. Because you're not their whole world the way they're yours."

"Fiore," Yusuke says sternly. "This is not the time for this conversation."

"You're right, you're right, I need to stop playing with my food."

Suddenly she grabs Yusuke's arm and yanks him downward so they're eye-level. She grabs the back of his head with other hand and to keep him still as she plunges a pair of fangs into his neck.

Yusuke struggles to push her off of him but she's too strong and he's rapidly losing feeling in his arms and legs.

"Senpai," Maria Lucrezia purrs when she stops for a second. "You really are perfect, you know? I mean you could be a bit shorter but your blood's worth the extra effort. Anemics taste so good."

"What... what are you going to do if I die," Yusuke breathes. She's completley supporting his weight right now. 

"Oh don't worry about me, I've done this for a long time. I know how to be patient, even when it was killing me. By the time anyone finds your body, we'll be flying back to Italy, at least. Assuming anyone bothers to notice." She pulls his neck close again. "Now be a good boy and let me eat. There are worse things to be than a good meal, you know." 

Damn it. If he were Fox, he’d be stronger. Faster. Able to fend her off.

If he were Fox he could summon Goemon and have his weapons.

If he were Fox, the rest of the Phantom Thieves would be with him.

But he’s not Fox right now, he’s just Yusuke, and he’s going to die in the back room of a tiny gallery and no one will be any the wiser.

He feels himself fall to the floor with a thud and he can’t even bring himself to move.

So he just closes his eyes and drifts off.

~

“I’m sorry guys,” Futaba says as they exit the gaming tournament.

“It’s not your fault. Who would’ve thought another gaming competition would have a print stickers contest,” Kusanagi says.

“And this time we didn’t have anyone good at it…” Aoyagi adds. “Still, there were about 20 teams and we came fourth. That’s not bad. Let’s grab our seats and watch the finals.”

“...Actually, do you mind if I leave early?” Futaba asks. “I might be able to make my friend’s thing still.”

“No, go ahead!” Aoyagi says. “Tell him hi for us, and remember that thing I said about my partner’s sister?”

“Yeah, we gotta set them up on some kind of art playdate or whatever. Inari’d totally love another artist he can actually nerd out with. See ya guys!”

Futaba heads out to the front of the arcade and opens up her phone, texting the group chat.

Futaba: Hey, any of you guys still at Inari’s art thing?

Ren: ?

Futaba: He’s doing an art show with school. 

Haru: Give him my regards!

Makoto: Me too.

Sumire: Tell him if he doesn’t mind waiting we can swing past and grab some dessert!

Ann: Aww he didn’t tell us he was doing an art show!

Ryuji: Yeah we coulda at least texted him good luck.

Futaba: I don’t think it's a competition, it’s just a display.

Futaba: …wait.

Futaba: So did everyone in the Tokyo group say they couldn’t make it?

Haru: I can’t.

Makoto:  Me neither

Sumire: We’re trying, but we won’t get there before it ends without breaking some traffic laws :(

Futaba: Oh shit… when I saw him last time he looked really bummed about something, is it because none of us could make it?

Ann: When was the last time any of you hung out with him in person?

Haru: That would be, after Sumire-chan’s last meet, right? The victory dinner?

Makoto: That was over a month ago!

Ryuji: Ah shit. I haven’t had a voice chat with him in awhile either.

Ann: Me neither

Ren: Not us.

Futaba: oh noooooo Inari istg if you’ve been all lonely and didn’t want to talk to us.

Futaba: Ok the gallery or whatever isn’t far from here, I’m gonna run over rn.

Makoto: Gonna tell my study group I need a break, I’ll be there ASAP

Ryuji: gl!

Futaba sends a text to Yusuke to say she’s on her way, and sprints/walks over to the gallery.

When she gets there she spots a familiar head of red hair.

“Sumire!” Futaba gasps. “I thought… you’d be…”

“Later?” Sumire finishes. “My aunt was driving and I explained the situation and she, well, broke several traffic laws. But I’m not sure if anyone’s still here.”

“Hold… on…” Futaba says, pulling out her phone. “Yeah… he’s here…”

They follow Futaba’s phone to some storage room, and Futaba pushes it open. “Inari? You– AH!”

There’s a girl with Yusuke’s blood dripping down her chin, and Yusuke slumped over, completely unconscious.

Sumire’s faster than Futaba, and runs over to smack the girl— vampire?!— over the head with her gymnastics bag.

“Hey!” the vampire girl gasps but Sumire keeps going, while Futaba rushes over to check on Yusuke. His pulse is very slow.

The door bursts open again and a dude who looks like the vampire girl runs over and grabs Sumire’s wrist, and she elbows him. Soon the two of them are fighting while vampire girl heads over to Futaba and Yusuke.

Then the door bursts open again.

Makoto’s in the doorway, stares at Futaba holding Yusuke, the vampire girl with blood on her mouth, and the other guy currently wrestling with Sumire, and wastes no time.

She dashes over to the guy wrestling Sumire and throws him off into the path of vampire girl. The dude and the vampire girl look at each other, then turn into bats and fly out the small window.

“What—”

“Vampires! Inari! Hospital!” Futaba gasps, motioning frantically to everything.

Makoto still looks confused, but picks Yusuke up.

“T-take him to my aunt’s car!” Sumire shouts, getting up.

They sprint over, throw Yusuke in the back, and Futaba climbs in while Sumire frantically explains that they have to go to the hospital right now.

~

Well, Yusuke can’t say he was expecting to wake up, but the smell of antiseptic does make sense.

What’s the most surprising are Futaba, Sumire, and Makoto curled up on various chairs around the room.

Then Haru enters with a mug of coffee.

“Oh good, you’re up!” Haru whispers. “I came over as soon as I heard what happened.”

Yuske’s throat is dry. “Is what happened to the Italian exchange student was a vampire?“

“Yes, apparently.”

“Huh.”

“Are you feeling alright?” Haru asks. “You needed an immediate transfusion with all the blood loss.”

“Tired, I suppose.”

“Then do you… have an insatiable thirst for blood?” Haru asks.

“Um… no?”

“Ok, good. You know there are so many different types of vampires it’s hard to tell how real ones work.” Haru explains. “Ren, Ryuji, Mona-chan, and Ann have been texting info all night.”

“Oh, but Ann has class right now?”

“It’s an emergency,” Haru says simply.

Yusuke feels tears start to drip down his face. 

“Huh? Yusuke, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just very happy you all came,” Yusuke says.

“‘Course,” Futaba mutters.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Yusuke asks.

“Stop worrying about us you big lug,” Futaba yawns. “Anyway, totally thinking we should have a Tokyo gang group chat so we can hang out more.”

Haru nods. “Great idea! I do feel awkward making plans in the main chat when the others can’t come.”

“I have a break from meets for a while, I’d love to hang out. I see Futaba at school all the time, but I’d like to see the rest of you more. “

“We should do something that’s not too strenuous when Yusuke gets out of the hospital,” Makoto adds. 

“The arcade? I need to get good at print stickers,” Futaba says. 

“Print stickers?” Yusuke asks.

“Ooh! You take pictures in a photo booth and then doodle on them, you’d be great at it, Yusuke!” Sumire says.

“Also I’ve gotta introduce you to this chick, Ena Shinonome, sometime. She’s an art student like you, you can have art friends.”

Yusuke just starts crying harder. “I’d… I’d love all of that.”

Suddenly he has much less to worry about when he can be with his friends.

[imperator-titus]

Full text under the cut for people who don't use Ao3:

Over the past few days, something crawled up Rowan's throat. It tasted like bile in the back of her throat, a lingering bitterness. A dead vampire’s blood-soaked sanctuary felt like home compared to the persistent chill of the Elfsong rooms.

One more try. One last push to come to an understanding.

While some of them were out, Rowan decided to approach those left behind. Journal in hand, she approached the room Astarion shared with Gale. Putting on her best smile and injecting some cheer into her voice, she started, “Hey, Gale, I was wondering if you could help me-”

“Ah,” Gale breathed, holding up a hand. He didn’t bother looking up from his own tome. “I’m afraid I don’t have time. Maybe later.”

By his tone, she assumed there really wouldn’t be a later. She kept her amiable smile up anyway. Letting them know that it hurt felt like manipulation and that wasn’t how she wanted to reopen the door to their relationship.

“That’s okay, I understand. I’ll let you get to it.” Letting the mask fall, she went back to her bed to put the journal away and went in search of Halsin. He was, of course, whittling away. It made a horrible mess, but Boo started to secret the shavings away to make a nest, so the problem took care of itself. Warm smile back in place, she approached him. “Halsin, if you wanted, I thought maybe you could teach me a bit more about herbs?”

Oh, sweet, honest Halsin. Watching him struggle to not wear his feelings on his sleeve was heartbreaking. Her smile undoubtedly faltered as this rejection stung even more than Gale’s. Not letting the bitterness come past her throat, she spoke before he could find the right words. “It’s okay, nevermind. That one is coming along nicely, by the way.”

Stoically, Rowan sat down on her bed and stared at the floor. Nearby, Lae’zel was using the open space to practice her stances. She stopped and came to stand in front of Rowan, looking down on her with her usual glare. Not long ago, that glare had been open and warm.

“Your presence is disturbing,” Lae’zel told her bluntly, “and your deception makes you untrustworthy.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Rowan thought about arguing, that she’d explained as best she could, but she knew it was no use. Instead, she smiled. “Thank you for telling me.”

“That was not a compliment,” Lae’zel remarked with a tilt of her head, clearly confused about Rowan’s reaction.

“I’m just happy that someone said it clearly instead of lying to me.”

“T’Chk. Humans,” Lae’zel muttered as she went back to her own room.

Alone, Rowan packed her meager belongings into her bag and stuffed whatever didn’t fit into her pockets. She briefly considered leaving Astarion a note, but Gale was still in their room and she had other ways of letting him know where she went. Standing at the door, she looked back at Withers. After giving him a nod, she slipped out before anyone else could notice.

Rowan didn’t have anywhere to go. She had no family, no friends except the ones who were pushing her away. Withers would find her when he needed to, as was his way. She thought about staying at the Szarr Palace, but it felt a little disturbing, staying at the place her beloved was tortured in for 200 years.

Thus, her feet took her to Rolan’s tower, where she was greeted by Cal.

“Ah! Our most valued customer!” he called happily, throwing his arms out wide. This caught the attention of Lia, who wandered over.

“It’s nice to see you enjoying the role of magical item purveyor,” Rowan joked with a smile, happy to be greeted with even a fraction of that mirth. “I was expecting the projection.”

“Well, I was bored. And I’m pretty good at this. Must be the personal touch,” Cal explained with a smug smile.

“What are you doing here? Still the party mule?” Lia asked playfully, looking at her bags. On the way over, Rowan tried to find the words to explain her situation without sounding broken. Or like a freak.

“I’m sorry, I just need to speak with Rolan?” She tried to keep her voice from cracking, but something in her tone gave her away. Lia and Cal’s happy faces faltered into slight worry.

“Y-yeah, he’s at the tower, trying to figure out those magic cannons…” Lia explained and waved her on so that she could show the way. Once there, Lia awkwardly hovered before excusing herself.

At first, Rolan was distracted by what he was doing. Normally, she’d admire how cute he was when deep in thought, but today wasn’t a normal day. His face lit up to see her, only to fall into panicked confusion as Rowan suddenly broke into tears.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what I did?” he said apologetically, approaching like someone might approach a wounded cat on the street.

“It’s not you,” she sobbed and managed to pull herself together before he had to do something very embarrassing, like pat her on the shoulder and say “there, there.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I’d do that.”

“What brought you here?”

“It’s kind of… complicated.” Rowan slipped the pack off her shoulder and dug around in it. Eventually she produced a journal and held it out to him. Rolan hesitated but ultimately took it. “I've tried taking notes.”

He flipped through a few pages before letting out a hesitant chuckle. “Surely Gale is much more knowledgeable than me.”

“Gale…” Rowan looked away. “They don't really want me around now.”

Not knowing what to say, Rolan returned his attention to the journal. Sadness gave way to confusion which turned into excitement. “If I am understanding this correctly… You're not a necromancer so much as an extraplanar balancer? But instead of remaining changed, your body is able to transfer that energy into something else?”

“I have some theories, but not really any way to know if they’re true.”

“This is a very interesting discovery… Likely due to the mysterious nature of your transfer to our plane…” he trailed off with an academic’s hum. “A devil told you that you have no soul? And here you claim that you assumed this to be true in order to… interrupt a vampire lord’s deal with Mephistopheles?”

Rowan let out a small self-satisfied giggle. “Oh, yeah, that was kinda fun. Idiot didn't see it coming.”

“And you’re storing him in a place between planes?”

“That was actually difficult to figure out on my own.” A little confident that Rolan was leaning towards “fascinated” and not “burn the witch at a stake,” Rowan released Cazador’s body from her care with a flick of her hand. Lifelessly, the vampire popped into existence as an expanding black ooze and fell a few inches to the floor with a soft thud. Hesitant, but curious, Rolan stepped closer and nudged the body with his shoe. Demonstration complete, Rowan remanded the body to her extraplanar care once more.

“I can see why the others are hesitant…” Rolan started to say. Rowan’s heart sank.

“It's okay. I can stay at the vampire’s place. Not like he can argue.” Rowan put her pack on her back and held out her hand for the journal. Rolan was lost in thought reading it, but eventually snapped out of it.

“No, stay here, please. Cal and Lia- We would be happy to have you.” Rolan was awkward and nervous, but that usually happened around her. If it was any comfort, he was much more interested in her notes than Gale had ever been.

“I shouldn’t be in your way.”

“There’s plenty of space, it won’t be any trouble.”

“I’ll make dinner to celebrate. If you don’t mind.”

“Like old times!” Rolan said happily with an awkward chuckle. He held up her journal. “Do you mind if I study this some more? This is fascinating.”

“Sure. I can add to it when I think of anything else.” She started to walk back the way she came, but he stopped her.

“I’m sure your friends will come around eventually. When I saw you all, you looked like… a family, of sorts. It reminded me of Cal and Lia.” Rowan crushed him in an embrace, burying her face in his chest. First he gaped in surprise, then laughed and patted her on the back. Cal and Lia came out of hiding from around the corner and turned it into a group hug. Rolan grunted. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“You know you like it,” Cal insisted, teasing. Rolan’s tail briefly wagged back and forth before he subdued it.

----

Upon returning from the day’s adventure, Astarion neither saw nor smelled Rowan. It was a shame, because he really could have used one of her head massages. He looked around their rooms at the Elfsong, even checked the roof, tavern proper, and the sitting area outside. When he came back inside with no luck, he put his hands on his hips and addressed the group. “Has anyone seen Rowan?”

“Mmm… I don’t think so. Maybe she stepped out for some air?” Karlach answered, giving it some serious thought.

“Her things are gone, I don’t think that’s ‘stepping out.’”

“Perhaps she’s staying at the palace? She’s there all the time now anyway,” Shadowheart remarked, chin in hand.

“Am I really the only one worried?” Astarion asked in disbelief.

“She’s practically a small god that we all watched die and come back to life unharmed, I don’t think she’s in much trouble,” Gale remarked in his critical wizardly way.

Astarion let out a low annoyed sound from the back of his throat. “There are villains running around, doing gods know what, like shackling asimar, and you think the little innocent human is safe and sound in Baldur’s Gate?”

“Careful, Astarion, you’re starting to sound concerned, in a lovesick hero sort of way,” Wyll remarked. Astarion huffed as they all laughed and tittered.

“I’m surrounded by idiots,” he muttered as he walked away toward his bed. Changing into more comfortable clothes, he was down to his underwear when Halsin darkened his doorway. As if on instinct, Astarion went from broody to smiley and flirtatious. “What can I do for you, my big snuggly druid? Need something to take your mind off this city of stone and cruelty?”

Halsin made a noise like a short chuckle to acknowledge the question, but not take the bait. His eyes were soft, sympathetic. They sometimes reminded Astarion of the way Rowan would look at him when he said something particularly awful about himself.

“You should find Rowan, wherever she went.” Astarion got to his feet quickly, his posture stiff and hands balled into fists.

“What do you know?”

“That her only place was here, and we drove her out,” Halsin explained, openly ashamed. “I should have helped… but I didn’t. I’m afraid I pushed her away because I didn’t understand.”

“None of you do,” Astarion ground out, raising his arm just slightly with the urge to clock the man, but what would that accomplish?

“I made an effort to accept you, despite being unnatural,” Halsin started after accepting the chastisement, “but I did not extend that courtesy to her. The undead have always been here… but Rowan is a blank page in the druid’s guidebook.”

Astarion was so annoyed. Halsin was being perfectly reasonable and it annoyed him. He was annoyed with all of them, with Rowan, with-

Astarion pushed past Halsin without an explanation. Curious, Halsin and many pairs of eyes followed as the near-naked elf stalked up to Withers, who gave him the most bored look possible.

“You’re responsible for Rowan, are you not?” Astarion asked tersely. Some of the others stopped what they were doing to draw closer and listen in.

“Thou art-” Astarion waved his hand dismissively, brows furrowed in frustration.

“Quit it, I know you’re faking it, any imbecile can tell you use that language incorrectly. Just answer the question.”

“Yes,” Withers replied, drawing out the word.

“How? How did you bring Rowan here?”

“That is not important.”

“Yes, it is. It might not be important to you, but it is important to us.” Withers sighed, a sound like papers sliding against each other.

“The spark that you know as Rowan flitted across my domain, as sparks from their realm sometimes do. This time, I did not watch it pass into oblivion.”

“Why?” Gale asked, surprising Astarion enough to bleed out some of his irritation and lose just a bit of his composure. At least the wizard cared to engage in this conversation. Withers gave him a brief bored glance.

“To see if it would be useful in the conflict to come.”

“You kept Rowan from her afterlife?” Karlach piped in, a mix of anger and sadness.

“There is no afterlife for the denizens of Rowan’s realm. They hold no souls. They are merely electricity. They were on their way to non-existence.”

“That’s how she stopped Cazador’s ritual. She took Astarion’s place and Mephistopheles would have been cheated out of a soul,” Gale remarked more or less to himself, stroking his beard in thought. “Very clever, if I do say so myself.”

“Is she useful enough for you?” Astarion asked forcefully, practically spitting the words like a curse. Karlach put a hand on his shoulder. He let it be for just a moment before shaking it off.

“I believed they would break under the weight of their reality. By sacrificing the memories of their life, Rowan rewrote fate to become stronger for their new companions.” This stunned them. Even Gale, whose stoicism was easily mistaken as indifference. “I did not know what path they would take. Sparks are unpredictable. They scorch and fade. This spark burned bright and refused to fade. It is a thing that suffers, for a price.”

“Memories,” Astarion said quietly to himself, almost understanding. The taste of a grandmother’s fresh cookies. The warmth of a mother’s embrace. Watching fireflies flicker in the darkness of a summer night.

“A fraction of soul,” Withers corrected, just slightly exasperated by Astarion’s romantic interpretation. “Rowan is molding a soul.”

“That’s… awful,” Wyll said with apparent disgust, overlapped by Karlach commenting, “That’s so sad.”

“It is but a grain of a soul in a field of grains. You might as well complain that they have taken your discarded boots in order to walk in your steps.”

“Does she know what she’s doing?” Halsin asked very seriously.

“A question that implies maliciousness. They are merely harvesting energy with pain and sorrow, like a wizard manipulates the Weave or an archer draws a bow. The arrows they are forging now will be most useful.” For Withers, the tone was practically glowing praise. He was satisfied that his little experiment bore fruit.

“So you brought her here to suffer?” Karlach accused.

“They chose to suffer, where so many before them could not reconcile their fate. They were doomed to fade into nothingness.”

Astarion almost chewed through his cheek listening to the sometimes smug, but mostly deadpan, explanations Withers gave. Rather more aggressively than necessary, he asked them all, “There! Are you happy now? Convinced that she’s not some monster come to destroy us from within?”

“If she wants to come back… I will not object,” Gale said magnanimously. Karlach rolled her eyes.

“Come off it, Magic Man. After all that?” Karlach thwacked Gale in the chest out of annoyance. Gale rubbed the pain away.

“What? I never said it wasn’t sad. I have a heart, you know.” Shadowheart and Wyll shook their heads. Gale realized what he said and to whom it was said. “I apologize. Merely a turn of phrase.”

It wasn’t a satisfying answer, but it would have to do. Astarion stalked off toward his room to finish putting on clothes and fail to read a book for the next hour.

Astarion didn’t want to, but he’d go by the Szarr Palace tomorrow to check on Rowan. She might have known much larger cities, but they didn’t have the Gate’s unique dangers. She may have strange powers, but that didn’t make her untouchable.

Karlach followed him. “Fangs.”

“Yes, my fiery friend?” There was a smirk on his lips, but it was a mask he commonly put on to avoid questions.

“That was all… news to you, right?”

“Rowan never spoke of it, but she often hides things that she thinks will hurt me. Perhaps even she doesn’t know the truth. But I had to get it out of him or else I’d have to leave you sorry lot behind.” Karlach went from worried to distressed.

“You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

“Darling, the first thing to ever matter to me in this world ran away while I was gone because, somehow, after coming this far, we’re still just a bunch of judgemental pricks.” Astarion sighed and clicked his tongue. “It’s not your fault. Maybe a little. But not as much as some people.”

Karlach looked down at the floor for a moment, her bulky mass curled forward to appear a little smaller. Then she straightened up and looked him in the eye. “When you see her, tell her I’m sorry. I’d like to see her at least once before we either die to this big brain or my engine explodes.”

Astarion was probably supposed to say something comforting, like they wouldn’t let that happen, but instead he simply said, “I’ll let her know. She likes you. Knowing her, there’s already some massive hero’s feast waiting for you all.”

Karlach laughed and looked like her normal self again. “You’re probably right. She likes feeding people! Some more than others, am I right?”

“Careful, you might make me blush.”

---

Astarion found himself in the streets of Baldur’s Gate, navigating nighttime crowds. It was strange just… being. No Cazador haunting him. No desperate need to find a mark. He was just one of another thousand citizens wandering about, looking for a spot of fun or just some cold air to clear his head.

The people had no faces, but a mix of races and status. He had no real destination, merely walking along the main thoroughfare. It was a bit like window-shopping, inspecting clothing and glancing into tavern windows at jubilant patrons whose chattering made no sense.

A door caught his attention. The home emitted a warm welcoming light, but no one came or went. In fact, the style of it was odd, not matching anything he’d seen in all his years in Baldur’s Gate. But there was a plaque above the handle that stated “all welcome,” so why not?

“Ah,” Astarion said to himself, suddenly understanding where he was. This mess of a home could only belong to one person. Turning around, the streets of Baldur’s Gate were replaced by an elaborate garden. He wandered around, searching for Rowan, and noted that the place felt larger. Not only the size of the home she created, but the impermeable darkness that sat on the horizon looked further away.

He found her sitting at the edge of a field of flowers with a sapling growing in the middle. Her legs were stretched out in front of her, side-by-side, and her hands hung limply in her lap. She seemed… tired. She implied that her work was invigorating, but there was always a good chance that she was lying to spare his feelings. She was correcting his, well, not exactly mistakes. Regrets? He didn’t always regret them; it was to save his own hide and they were simply unlucky enough to meet him and be dumb enough to follow him home.

“I’m surprised to see you as yourself,” he said after watching her in silence, waiting for her to turn or acknowledge his presence in some way. This startled her, which startled him.

“I wasn’t expecting you,” she said, giving their surroundings a confused glance before going back to staring ahead. Astarion lowered himself to sit beside her.

“Where are you?” he asked, earning another confused look. He chuckled and waved a hand towards the starlit sky. “You know. Out there.”

“Oh. Rolan’s.”

“I’m hurt. Here I am, all alone and you’ve got a little friend.” He was, actually, at least a little hurt. The more considerate side of him knew that it was probably hard for her to lose her place in their little band.

“No one can look at me the same now,” Rowan explained sadly. “I get it. I knew that things would change when everyone found out. But it still sucks, being treated like I stabbed a baby in front of them.”

It was easy to understand why they froze her out, but they were idiots. Rowan changed that ghoul back into a Gur like it was nothing. Leon was human and it cost but fleeting discomfort. Of course, the older spawn took a heavier toll, and he had to wheedle that information out of her. She was afraid he'd deny being remade a mortal for her benefit, not because he decided he liked being a vampire spawn.

Until his confrontation with Withers, the others couldn't see that there was potential here. He couldn't figure out what that potential was, but it was surely there.

Well, that was a bit of “Old Astarion” thinking. Always considering usefulness.

“My sweet,” he called to her, not a purr or flirtation. She turned those brilliant eyes to him and he realized that there was no doubt in his mind that this was a two-way relationship. It was mutually-assured destruction in the most beautiful way. “Even in all the exciting bloodshed and hilarious misfortunes of this adventure, I still miss coming back to you.”

Rowan tried to restrain the smile that bloomed on her face and turned away when she couldn’t. Astarion smirked and crawled over to her. She laughed and tried to push his face away when his breath tickled her neck. Unfortunately for her, he could be relentless.

This place always felt like an oasis. It rescued him when memories and nightmares of Cazador threatened to tear him apart. Knowing it was a part of Rowan and not just some tadpole-induced hallucination, it was… safe. Properly safe. It reacted to her moods and needs. It even reacted to him sometimes. Or perhaps that was her anticipating him, which was romantic in its own creepy way.

Astarion had her pinned and was playfully nipping her neck when Rowan told him to stop. But when he dismissed it, claiming she was laughing too much to want him to stop, she cried, “I’m serious!”

He was angry, because the rejection hurt, but more than that, he was scared that he’d done something wrong that meant this was all over. He wrestled with those emotions as Rowan sat up, a pensive look in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Astarion was the first to say. “I don’t know what I did. Please don’t-”

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I have something serious to tell you. I should’ve stopped you sooner,” she explained with a slight waver in her voice, despite trying to appear firm. It didn’t really make him feel any better. She did seem properly apologetic and guilty about it. His jaw clenched and he had to force his hands to lay flat on his thighs. A thousand possibilities raced through his head, pulling him into a death-spiral of negative thoughts. “You’re going to be really angry with me. It’s okay if you are.”

“I’ll decide that,” he said defiantly, finally loosening his jaw before he cracked a tooth. Rowan weighed her words, but by the way she spoke, it was apparent that he wasn’t the only one who practiced conversations.

“I… kept Cazador.” Astarion’s brows drew together. “You know… like Withers can ‘keep’ people?”

He stared at her blankly. Gears started to turn and his eyes sharpened, and he looked as if he would love nothing more than to plunge that dagger over and over into her. “You WHAT?!”

Instinctively, Rowan shrank away. For some time, she imagined all the ways Astarion would react to her confession. He was right to be furious with her and she knew it. That didn’t stop her from flinching, expecting a blow that wouldn’t come. He was angry, but not that angry. Angry enough to hurl a string of Elvish curses at her, stand up and stomp around a bit, bare his fangs and pierce her with a glare.

She was expecting him to leave, but he wore himself out instead.

Rowan was shuddering like a leaf and, drained of his initial outrage, that hurt him. Astarion had dealt with a lot of pain over the years, but this was new. He was hurt that he made her afraid, but also that she took his venom like she deserved it. She did deserve every bit of his rage. Keeping Cazador, when he was so relieved to know he would never see the bastard again? The betrayal stung.

“Why?” he eventually sobbed, hot angry tears stinging his eyes. “Why would you keep him alive? To turn him back? After all he’s done to me?”

“What? No! Why would I do that? He was awful!” she cried, almost like she was shocked that this was the conclusion he’d come to. It was so unexpected that she had trouble with her response. “I’m gonna, well, in a sense, I guess… absorb him?”

“What?!” Despite the nature of their conflict, Rowan got that academic look on her face like when she was talking to Gale or Withers or reading a particularly interesting book.

“I don’t know how yet, but I’m fairly certain that I could… squeeze the power out of him?” She demonstrated this by making a motion like wringing out a wet dish rag. “I thought about eating him. Like just turn him into mush, but that was silly. I also considered turning him into vampire dust and rubbing it on myself but that seems too… sensual.”

“What is the matter with you?” Astarion breathed in disbelief, a light chuckle in his voice as he shook his head. It was so utterly baffling, and a little endearing, that he nearly forgot he was angry with her. “Where is he, anyway? Here?”

“Oh, yeah, he’s under that tree,” she answered dismissively, waving toward the sapling. Then she second-guessed herself. “Or he is the tree? It’s not like how we’re here, it’s not him. He can’t come out and start spouting bullshit. He’s just sort of… around? Like air is around. Or dirt.”

Astarion took a deep breath. In the real world, it would’ve been reflexive, as he didn’t need to breathe. Here, it actually made him feel better to engage in these little acts of mortality. Eventually, he sighed and Rowan snapped back into the moment.

“I’m sorry. I’ll accept it if you never want to see me again. I’ll scatter his atoms to the cosmos if that’s what you want. I just… It wasn’t a good time for you. I’ll only do it if you want me to.”

She was so sincere it was annoying. But she was right. If she’d asked his permission while he was covered in Cazador’s blood, he would’ve refused outright. He wanted that monster burned to ash, never to return again.

“And if you did gain his power? What would it look like?”

“I don’t know. I imagine it would allow me to do more. More fuel for the fire. I was really hoping for shapeshifting.”

Astarion considered it. He laughed.

“Before, I was going to make sweet love to you under the stars with no one around to bother us,” he told her cheerfully, playfully wagging a chastising finger. More darkly, but still sweet, with the threatening sexual allure of a vampire in a romance novel, he went on, “Now, I’m going to fuck you into the dirt. I think that’s more than a fair punishment for you, my sweet little treasure.”

Rowan gaped at him, eyes wide in shock. He was worried he’d gone a little too far, but he had to maintain his cool demeanor or else he’d lose all self-respect. Then he noticed her flush and squirm in that familiar way. She was receptive, but nervous. “Of course, I forgive you, whether I get to ‘punish’ you or not.”

Rowan visibly relaxed. Then she side-eyed the field of flowers surrounding the sapling. “May I suggest the other garden?”

“Oh, yes, haven’t I been through enough?” Hooking his fingers into the collar of her shirt, he led the way a little too quickly. “Come along, lovely!”

Astarion made good on his promise and that promise left them both sweaty and tired on the soft ground. No prying eyes, eavesdropping ears, or pressing matters, he laid his head on her chest and turned into a puddle from the sweet little touches she offered him. Possessively, he weighed her down with leg and arm, so she could only leave when he was done listening to the rhythmic beat of her heart.

“Karlach says she’s sorry,” he eventually said, idly tracing nonsense lines on her skin. Sometimes she shivered from his touch and it filled him with wicked satisfaction. “I made them understand that they’re fools.”

“That so?” Rowan didn’t sound as pleased as he expected.

“I made Withers explain. That made more of an impression than anything I could have said.”

“Withers only says what Withers wants to say.”

“Perhaps, but I made a good show of twisting his arm.” When she had nothing else to say, he asked, “Did you know? How you got here, I mean.”

“I figured it out. Eventually.”

A moment of silence passed. Quietly, almost a whisper, he said, “A thing that suffers, destined to fizzle out.”

“Sounds like a lot of people I know,” Rowan remarked with a small amount of humor. With a ghost of a touch, she stroked the length of his exposed ear. A gasp of pleasure and just a little bit of pain escaped his lips, followed by a growl as he playfully bit her. Any blood drawn on this plane was unsatisfying, but here he felt no hunger. It was just an instinctual delight to sink teeth into her flesh.

“It made me a little sad. Hearing him talk about you like that,” Astarion admitted, twisting what he could get of her hair around his finger. “My little spark. Caught on your way to oblivion. If only I could say something romantic, like… ‘Brought here just to make me love again’ or ‘Destined to drag me away from my own worst self’.”

Rowan had nothing to say, just smiled softly at him.

“Will you live forever, do you think? Since you’re… dead, technically.”

“Why? Are you imagining forever with me?” Astarion scoffed playfully.

“I’m trying to plan for my future, darling. Assuming I have one.”

“You’re not much of a planner.”

“If you must know… I don’t want you to be lonely.” Astarion gagged at the sappy sweetness of his own words. His ears would’ve burned red if there was any blood to spare. “I’m sure someone like Gale could keep you company for a good while, assuming he doesn’t find some way to blow himself up.”

“I can be lonely, it’s okay.”

“Well I’m deciding that, should you be immortal, I will make sure you’re not lonely. Even if it means I will never see the sun again.” Astarion paused, worried about something in the back of his mind. Trying to sound more confident than self-conscious, he added, “If you’ll have me.”

“As long as it’s your choice.”

“Good. Because it is. Besides, if I change my mind, you can just change me back to a mortal. And then, if I change my mind again, I can find a vampire.” Rowan’s face was not humored. “I’m joking. Mostly.”

“I’ll be happy with what time we have together, long or short.”

“Ugh. So sweet you’ll make me sick.”

“You were about to cry thinking about me being alone.”

“I’ll never admit it.” Rowan reached up, hooked her index finger behind his ear, and ran her thumb inside the pointed shell of it, exactly how he liked it. Astarion’s eyes fluttered closed as a groan escaped his throat. Regaining his wits, he smirked and said, “You’ll never get it out of me.”

“I’ll get something out of you.”

It was amazing how these moments felt like they went on forever.

----

With cold, analytical eyes, Rowan looked down at the bloodied corpse at her feet. It shuddered suddenly.

“Bastard,” Leon grumbled, checking his shoe to see if any blood got on it. Despite the emotionally dulling effects of the de-vampirification, they all still had a special amount of disdain for their former sire.

“Are you sure he won’t wake up?” Sebastian asked at her other shoulder, eyeing the dead vampire lord with a mixture of fear and anger.

“No coffin, no gravedirt. Amanita assured me that he’s dead as a doornail,” Rowan answered with a bit of warmth. Cazador’s niece, now cured of her accursed affliction, gave up everything she knew about vampires and her family history. Without the eternal hunger for blood, Amanita was free to be herself once more.

“Have you figured it out yet?” Leon asked as he inspected the corpse more closely. “Vampire dust is always useful. I’ve heard you can make their fangs into some nasty arrows…”

“I thought about drinking his blood… I’d rather not. Seems gross.”

“As long as you don’t bring him back.” Rowan gave Sebastian a look that said “don’t be silly.” The last thing she wanted to do was give Cazador back his humanity. Elf-ity. Whatever.

“But what if you did?” Leon flicked through her notebook, which she got back from Rolan. “Just not all the way?”

“Mmm…” Rowan rubbed her chin in thought. “My… realm probably sits next to others related to death. If I could find the part of him that’s there…”

“Sounds dangerous to do alone,” Sebastian pointed out.

“If I went there, yes. I think Leon’s onto something. He’s a vampire just like you, just a little more dead. Maybe if I was a little more dead…” She took the notebook from Leon and started writing down her considerations. “Could one of you help me out and bring down the keg I brought with me?”

“I should check on Victoria anyway,” Leon said before setting off for the stairs.

“What will this accomplish?” Sebastian asked once they were alone.

“My power isn’t limitless. If a vampire’s spawn gives me a tiny bit, surely a vampire lord would be quite the stockpile.” Sebastian didn’t seem to quite understand, but it wasn’t really encouraging to say “I have no idea.” “You don’t have to stay, you know. I’ve really appreciated all of your help.”

“I… still don’t know what I want to do,” he admitted, shy and sad. Looking at his hand, he said, “Do I want to stay like this? Everyone I knew is gone…”

“You should flip a coin.”

“Ah, leave it to fate?”

“Not really. You don’t even need the coin.” Rowan imitated flipping a coin and said aloud, “Stay a vampire.”

“No!” Sebastian cried out immediately, surprising himself. After a stunned moment, realization came to him. “I see what you mean.”

“Now for another decision.” Once more, Rowan imitated flipping a coin. “Punch Astarion in the face.”

“Was I supposed to argue?” Rowan laughed in response. “I’m expecting some monastic lesson on the power of letting things go.”

“It’s kind of up to you, yeah? He broke your heart, got you killed, turned into a spawn, and your life will never be the same. I’m not gonna convince you to let that go. Besides, it’s not like I’ve given all of these spawn a choice, I’m not unrelentlessly fair.”

“How… do you mean?”

“I’m only a little ashamed to say that I just kill some of them.” Sebastian gaped at her in complete shock. His opinion of her was suddenly under great review. “I know what they did. Not all of them were like you. Some of them set out to hurt Astarion and the others- and did, some quite terribly. I gave those no choice. They’re lucky I didn’t rip them to shreds.”

For the first time, Sebastian was a little scared of her. There was an uncharacteristic sharpness in her words, but with some restraint. She was trying not to relish passing judgment on those who hurt someone dear to her.

“I’m not going to tell you not to, and Astarion will most likely take it without a fight,” she started calmly and matter-of-factly, but with humor added, “although he’ll have a lot of words to say about ruining his pretty face,” before going back to her original tone to finish with, “but you might want to consider that trying to get retribution won’t really help how you feel.”

“Were you, like, a cleric or something?” Sebastian asked after absorbing her words.

“I was somewhere between a wizard and an artificer. This is just, kinda… general life advice. There’s a lot more time for thinking when living isn’t really a day-to-day problem.”

Silently, they stared at Cazador’s body.

“Is the world doomed?” Sebastian asked, obviously afraid, but with a modicum of acceptance. His world had already ended once. Rowan shot him a charming smile that she learned from mirroring Wyll.

“The world is always doomed!”

“That’s not very reassuring…”

----

The sun was set by the time the group got back to the Elfsong. Astarion felt like a dried out sponge, which was ironic considering they were just underwater.

When something in the tavern set off his ‘danger’ senses, he blamed it on this complete and utter exhaustion.

Apparently Karlach, Gale, and Shadowheart still had enough energy to be very animated upon reaching the top of the stairs.

“Who are you?!” Karlach growled, greataxe already in-hand. Gale’s fingers sparked with electricity.

At the door to their rented rooms was a figure. Even when stooping, it was clearly tall. Clad in leathers, armed. It was caught handling a small keg that rested next to the door. Astarion’s hands went to his own swords as he eyed the dagger on the figure’s hip. It seemed… familiar. The figure turned its face slowly towards them and that felt familiar too. Auburn plaited hair, carefully manicured beard, and--

The most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen.

Astarion pushed through his companions with an eagerness he didn’t even think possible after the day’s events. The figure straightened up and caught the elf in its arms as he cried out happily, “Rowan, my love!”

This Rowan was strong enough not to be bowled over by all of Astarion’s weight being thrown at him. Instead, it cradled one arm under his backside, letting the legs wrapped around its waist do most of the work. The others stared, mouths hanging open in shock. The door to their rooms opened, revealing those left behind. They looked ready for a fight, but lowered their weapons as they, too, became confused.

“I was hoping no one would see me,” Rowan muttered bashfully, blushing as Astarion showered attention upon his new physical visage. “I didn’t want to make a big deal of this.”

“What’s… going on?” Wyll asked uncertainly, sheathing his rapier.

“Oh, Wyll, nothing interesting, just my handsome Rowan showing off his favorite outfit!” Astarion told him teasingly, absolutely radiating cheer and bubbles as he traced the length of Rowan’s new nose with a delicate finger. A lot less gracefully than he would’ve liked, he detached himself.

“Is anyone a little… disturbed, right now?” Shadowheart remarked, gesturing towards Astarion as he excitedly flitted around Rowan to inspect every new feature.

“It’s a little cute…” Karlach started as she relaxed, “but also I’m very confused.”

“It’s Rowan. Not that confusing,” Astarion told her with a little laugh. Rowan pulled something out of his bag and held it out to Gale. It looked like any ordinary jar.

“Rolan said vampire dust is useful. I thought you should have it,” he explained like he was making an offering to a god. Gale took it and turned it over in his hands.

“Please tell me he suffered,” Astarion pleaded with sadistic satisfaction, playing with the ring that now fit on one of Rowan’s fingers. Before Rowan could answer, he waved the question away hastily. “Nevermind. I’m past Cazador. New you, new me, hmm?”

“That’s a relief. It wasn’t really an interesting story.”

“I fail to see how that’s possible,” Gale said, putting the jar of dust away in his pack. “I would be most interested in hearing this explanation.”

“Well, you’ll have to wait until I’m done with him,” Astarion rebutted with a wicked grin on his lips. He ran his tongue over a fang and Rowan covered his face so the others couldn’t see the beet-red flush that colored his face. Most everyone went back to what they were doing before, either to avoid further embarrassment or boredom. “I was ready to call it a day, but the night is young.”

“Stoooop,” Rowan whined, a sound that didn’t really suit his new form. Thankfully, Astarion learned a lesson about crossing a line, so he hooked arms with Rowan instead of unleashing another slew of raunchy one-liners.

“Let’s go back downstairs and I’ll buy you a drink,” he purred. Meanwhile, Karlach was inspecting the small barrel Rowan was leaving for them.

“What’s in this? Booze?” Rowan stared at her blankly as he tried to turn his brain back on.

“Vampire booze,” he eventually answered meekly.

“Like… a whole barrel of blood?” Karlach asked nervously, a small uncertain chuckle escaping her throat.

“Yeah. It’s mine,” Rowan clarified quickly, having considered that might come up as a point of concern. Of course, it’d been marked with the same label he’d pasted on the magically-warmed wine bottle, so Astarion would’ve known what it was.

“That’s almost as adorable as it is creepy,” Shadowheart said with a laugh. “Almost.”

“Drink. Now,” Astarion barked, annoyed that he was no longer the center of Rowan’s attention.

“Okay, but Sebastian and Leon were waiting for me.”

“Ah. That was the weird feeling I got.”

“There’s a sixty-percent chance Sebastian’s gonna punch you in the face.”

Gale turned back around on his heel, giving up on going to bed. “I think I could use a small libation before turning in for the night.”

“Go to bed!” Astarion screeched. Gale followed anyway.

Upon seeing Leon and Sebastian in the tavern, Astarion tensed. Rowan patted his shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t tense up.”

“Make sure your thumb is on the outside and the power comes from your hips,” Karlach said to Sebastian, demonstrating the technique for him.

“Who’s side are you on!” Astarion cried angrily. A moment later, he was seeing stars as he was trying to pick himself up off the sicky tavern floor. At first, he shoved Rowan’s helping hands away, angry that he’d brought Sebastian, but eventually he relented.

“You’re right. That didn’t really make me feel better,” Sebastian remarked, flexing his hand. “Well. Maybe a little.”

“I’m glad.” Astarion was, in fact, not glad. Then Sebastian offered him a goblet of wine. Hesitantly, Astarion took it. “I don’t deserve this.”

“I’m not forgiving you,” Sebastian said, understanding that Astarion meant the gesture and not the drink. “I just don’t want to live the rest of my life angry.”

With that, Sebastian left with Leon. Astarion sipped his wine, letting the familiar sour flavor wash over his tongue. Psychologically, it tasted better than usual. Lost in thought, he startled when Rowan’s hair tickled his ear.

“Wanna sneak into that room upstairs?” he whispered in a deep voice Astarion had only heard in dreams. It sent a thrill up his spine.

“Maybe after a few drinks,” Astarion purred in response, voice low. “That’s why I brought you down here, afterall.”

“As long as you don’t make me pay, like last time.”

Astarion clicked his tongue and huffed. “You’re no fun.”

It was late, and they were able to keep one of the secluded tables to themselves. Rowan was about five drinks deep before Astarion felt comfortable broaching a sensitive subject.

“There’s something I’ve been… considering.” Rowan lifted an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. He really bumbled his way through the last thing he said, which made Astarion cackle, but it was embarrassing enough that he wasn’t going to try again unless necessary. “You told me once that you’d help me… relearn what I like. How I want to be treated.”

“Hell yeah, brother,” Rowan answered without thinking. Astarion closed his eyes and covered his face as Rowan profusely apologized for saying something stupid. Then he smiled, putting Rowan at ease.

“I’ve been thinking that, once this is all over, I want to-” With a shake of his head, he laughed at himself. He felt foolish to even suggest this. “I want… to find you. In a tavern, much like this, whatever’s left standing. Maybe as yourself, or like this, or something else entirely. And we’ll play a game, of sorts. Where we don’t know each other. Just two thirsty individuals, finding a moment of peace in a city ravaged by tragedy. I’ll make you feel special, invite you back to my place, get your guard down…”

Rowan nodded. A lot. Way more than necessary. “I get it. Relive a bad memory. But you’re in control and it’s with someone you trust.”

“I don’t know that I thought of it that eloquently.”

“Mmm, is a thing. People do. Heard about it,” Rowan explained rather not eloquently. Astarion chuckled. “You still wanna go upstairs?”

“It wouldn’t have mattered before, but I’m concerned that you’ve had a little too much to drink.”

“I’m more tired than drunk. Being big has its advantages.”

“Don’t worry, I know what to do-” Rowan reached across the table and took Astarion’s face in his hands. They met in the middle with a strong, slightly sloppy, kiss. Astarion groaned in the back of his throat and when they parted, he whispered, “You smell amazing.”

“You smell like fish slime.” Rowan grunted and could only mumble a correction as Astarion pushed him away with a hand over his mouth.

“Have you no sense of romance!” Astarion huffed and acted put-out, arms crossed, face in a pout. Then he laughed. “You’re lucky I like that pathetic look on your face.”

Rowan’s head lowered a few more inches. Quite humbly, he answered, “I’m your pathetic little creature.”

The table shuddered. Neither of them said anything. Then Rowan asked uncertainly, “You okay?”

“My knee hurts,” Astarion mumbled in embarrassment from behind his hand.

“I’ll kiss it better.” Rowan made an exaggerated kissy face. Astarion made a grossed-out noise. More seriously, he said, “Pick the lock on that door and I’ll wait for you while you get a bath.”

“Mmm… Keep you waiting on me while I get pretty? How devilish.”

When Astarion returned to Stelmane’s old room, now a lot less murder-scene-y, he found Rowan passed out on the bed.

“Oh, darling. Whatever am I going to do with you?”