#anyways I deserve a treat for all the fucking times I’ve been told I could magically fix myself with exercise

[raeofgayshine]

Because I’ve been dealing with so much shit late, especially medically, I have decided that I’m going to get my hair cut some time in the next month (have to work around appointments though) so that I officially have dead boy hair. Aka the Jason Todd look. Aka shorter then I have ever gone before.

And I’ve been putting off going really short because I’m afraid of how people will react, especially if it comes out how I want and I wind up looking more masc (more gender also). But like, after all this shit I’ve decided to say Fuck It

And this haircut is my reward for all the pushing I’ve been doing to find answers (and all the war crimes I didn’t do every time someone said I just needed to exercise to fix all my problems). And also kind of a birthday present to myself, because you know that day and the time around it is kind of not great for me and usually I buy myself a game I want but this time I’m going for hair.

[afriendlyblackhottie]

In Between

Description: of course you’d come to them if your boyfriend wasn’t treating you right. They were your best friends after all. You weren’t expecting them to take advantage of the situation though.

Tags: minors dni, smut, oral (female receiving), edging, dubcon (better safe than sorry), if I missed any please let me know 😭

(A/N: Omg I’m finally just gonna put it out I’ve been writing this on and off for so long lmao still not edited though cuz fuck the grammar police hahaha I hope you all like it. Please like, follow, and reblog with a comment 💜✌🏾)

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“He wouldn’t what?” Bucky asked with a look of bewilderment on his face about what you had just told him.

Maybe you were doing the most by spilling things, but what can you say, you were upset. Had just walked in on your boyfriend with someone else after he’d told you over and over again that nothing had been going on. To say you were in your feelings was an understatement.

It wasn’t like things hadn’t been on and off for a long time anyway but this was the final straw. You were so sick of him doing this to you. Of him lying to your face.

Telling you that you’re the only one and that he was serious about you. Honestly you really should have known be would have turned out to be a player. The worst part was that it seemed like you were never the one to get off. Felt like you’d wasted your time. Probably why you were spilling everything to The Winter Solider.

It was almost like things were coming out as word vomit. Secrets spilling from your mouth that you hadn’t even told Natasha as they were too embarrassing.

Except he was sitting there acting like he really cared and clearly you needed that. Even more so when you started to say way too much.

“I know, right!” You scoffed. Thinking about the way he’d treated getting you off like some kind of chore.

Honestly you should have dumped him after the first time he said to you, ‘I don’t eat pussy.’

“So he never?” Bucky asked with a raised eyebrow.

You shook your head, sniffling. He looked so taken aback.

“That’s bullshit,” Bucky said once again with a scoff. Eyes trailing all over your body. Thinking to himself what an idiot your ex was for not appreciating what he had. “Aw, Honey,” he cooed, grabbing your hand when he noticed you tearing up.

As if you should be wasting tears on that asshole.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffled some more. “I don’t even know why I’m upset right now. He’s not even worth it.”

Well, he was happy that you knew that.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “You know I’m right here.”

You nodded as he leaned forward to pull you into a hug. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders. Needing to melt into him as the vulnerability hit you like a freight train.

“Thanks, Bucky,” you managed to say, pulling away so you could look at him. “Steve’s so lucky to have someone like you.”

Bucky glanced down at your lips. Wondering what Steve would say if he even saw the two of you in this position. You needing a shoulder to cry on as he wished he could comfort you in the way he wanted to.

Not like Steve wouldn’t understand. He saw the way his boyfriend looked at you.

“Yeah well, Steve’s stuck with me so…”

You chuckled stopping to wipe your eyes. Bucky gently placed a hand on your cheek so he could do the same. Thumbing away the droplets.

“Wish I could find a great guy like you. Hell like either of you. Seems like I’m only ever getting into relationships with assholes.”

That kind of sparked something in his chest. Hearing you say that. Sitting here spilling his heart out to him.

“Oh yeah?” He asked. “Well you know I think you deserve better.”

You smiled and wiped your eye. “Thanks, James.”

“It’s okay,” he said, finally reaching out to give you a hug. Seeing that you clearly needed it. “You know I’m always here for you.”

“I know,” you whimpered. Honestly you didn’t even know who else to come to besides him and Steve. They’d really done so much for you after they’d moved in. Sure you kind of had to get used to living next door to the superhero couple, but so far they’d kept you pretty safe.

It was super convent. Hadn’t had to walk any groceries up to your place in months either. Seemed like the two of them were always there to take care of whatever you needed. Took such good care of you. Always.

So how did you think Bucky was going to feel when he heard that your ex hadn’t been. As if any man wouldn’t be happy to have a face full of pussy. Especially yours. Honestly what a fucking idiot. Even the idea of getting a taste was making him feel things he normally didn’t.

“I can’t believe he wouldn’t eat you out, though,” he laughed. “What a- why didn’t you say anything.”

“I don’t know!” You laughed too, pulling away. “I just… I don’t know…”

“It’s okay. We’ll just find you someone that’s going to take care of you right.”

Once again you laughed and honestly he was just happy to see it. Hated having to see you cry. Especially over some bullshit like a man that couldn’t even pleasure you properly. Why cry over him when Bucky could be making you smile.

“You’ve got such a cute little laugh,” he complimented. Not like it wasn’t something he did a lot.

Him and Steve both did. Always wanting to let you know how beautiful they thought you were. Thought they’d just been doing it as your friends, but Bucky just couldn’t deny his attraction forever. Look at you.

Even crying you were one of the prettiest girls he’d ever seen. Had gotten all dolled up for an asshole that didn’t deserve it. Makeup creeping down your face. Fuck. You shouldn’t have to waste such a look.

You let another one of those giggles, looking down and using your shoulder to rub away a tear. Bucky leaned forward so he could place his hand underneath your chin. Lifting your head up. “Honestly, Doll,” he started, “you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“You’re just saying that,” you sniffled.

“No, I mean it. You know I do.“

“Bullshit,” you replied.

“I really do,” he said. “Why do you think Steve and I have to take care of you so much. Pretty thing like you shouldn’t have shit to worry about.”

Inside your heart felt like it could stop. He just looked so handsome as he spoke. Had recently gotten a haircut so he looked even better. Fresh faced. Even in a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt he looked hot.

Not like you hadn’t thought about him or Steve before. Knew they were both bisexual so it wasn’t like they wouldn’t ever be interested in you but still it always felt like such a long shot. They were your best friends. You weren’t supposed to be thinking about them at night when you touched yourself. Especially when you had a boyfriend.

And they were from a different time. Actual gentleman back in the day from what you gathered. Wanted their women in the home and spoiled.

Sometimes the idea of it sounded kind of nice. Having a man dote on you. Then you had two of them really, really interested in your well being. Of course you were going to crush a little but you didn’t want to cross any lines.

“I don’t even know what I’d do without you both,” you said.

“Hey, that’s how we feel about you. Who else is going to cook for us and make sure our place is tidy when we’re gone.”

You chuckled. “You make me sound like a housewife.”

Bucky shrugged. “I mean… it’s a good look on you. Could see that.”

“Well, I mean, I’d have to find a guy first.”

“I mean… maybe you already have,” he said.

“What?” You asked with a chuckle. “Bucky, I-,”

“I know,” he cut you off. “But, can I be honest?”

“Okay…”

“You know how much I love having you around and I-,”

“What about Steve?” You asked him. “I can’t just… I can’t just do that to him.”

“We’ll worry about him later,” he replied, stroking your cheek, making you look at him. Finally placing a kiss on your lips.

You quickly pulled away with a gasp. “Bucky, we can’t… he’s my…”

“Shhh, don’t worry about, Steve, Baby,” he tried to assure you, your eyes hitting his. Something about his gaze making you feel warm on the inside.

“I- no we can’t just…”

“Yes we can,” Bucky said. “It’s okay.”

And as bad as you wanted to keep fighting him. For some reason you just couldn’t. As Bucky pulled you close so that he could go back to kissing you.

Fuck his lips did feel good. And everything with your now ex. You were vulnerable. You wanted to feel wanted.

But, Steve…

“Don’t worry about Steve, Baby,” Bucky whispered in your ear again. “Focus on me.”

Bucky’s fingers went under your dress. Gripping your thighs. A curl in his lip. Fuck he was so pretty.

He slowly pushed you down. Climbing on top of you so he could really take control. Pushing your legs up so that he could get in between them. Kissing you more before you could protest.

Bucky was getting his fucking taste. Just because your stupid little boyfriend didn’t want to taste it, didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He was getting it.

“Fuck!” You gasped as he started kissing your collarbone. No longer thinking about your ex or his boyfriend.

Felt good to have you right where he wanted you. Finally. It had taken him this goddamn long.

You laid back as Bucky got on his knees. Placing a kiss on one of your knees first before going up towards your thigh. A breath hitched in your throat. If you were feeling hesitant, he could change your mind.

“Bucky,” you whimpered as he spread your legs, to get a good look at your panty covered pussy.

“So fucking pretty,” he groaned as he looked up at you. His poor girl still obviously shy. That’s okay he’d take care of you. Just needed to-

“Fuck!” You cried as he kissed you through your panties. “We shouldn’t-,” you tried to keep it going.

Not like he cared as he pushed your underwear to the side so he could lick a strip from the bottom up to your clit. Making your words get caught in your throat as you laid back with a moan. Yeah that’s what he fucking thought. He knew you wanted this shit.

You trembled as he feasted on your clitoris. Sinking into the cushions as your hips stuttered. See he knew you liked it. It was so much better when you didn’t fight him. Now he could really give it to you.

He didn’t waste anymore time as he pulled the fabric from your body. Not giving a single fuck as to where it could have possibly been discarded before diving back in. It had been a long time since he’d done this, but it’s not like Steve wasn’t aware that he’d missed a woman’s touch. Maybe more than he realized.

“Fuck me, Bucky,” you sobbed as he got you closer. It had been so long since sex had just been about you that maybe you should take advantage of being a pillow princess. What girl wouldn’t want her hot metal armed best friend to eat her pussy. Can’t believe you tried to turn this down. “Don’t stop!”

Not like he planned too. Especially as he dipped his fingers into your cunt. Twisting them around so he could find your spot.

“Ah!” You cried, as soon as he hit it. That’s his fucking girl. He watched as your face twisted up in pleasure. Could taste how close you were. How yummy you were.

“Buck!” Steve’s voice could be heard from the hallway as the door slammed closed.

You sat up, quickly. Pushing his head away and scooting away from him to smooth out your dress. Shit. Fuck. “Babe, it’s okay,” Bucky whispered.

What the hell does he mean it’s okay. His boyfriend was about to walk in on-

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t know you were here,” Steve said as he came into the room. Placing a quick peck on Bucky’s lips making your mouth drop. He had to have tasted you on his lips. You found yourself feeling stuck as you sat up, making sure you were covered. “Is everything okay?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

Except it was like you couldn’t speak. What the hell were you supposed to even say as if his boyfriends face hadn’t just been close to making you squirt all over it.

“She caught Bryce cheating,” Bucky explained. Funny how that literally had not been on your mind this entire time.

Steve looked taken aback and scoffed. “What? No? Seriously?”

“Y-yeah… with… some girl,” you replied, not wanting to meet his eyes.

The super solider frowned as he grabbed your hand to pull you into a hug. Wrapping his arms around you. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. He’s a fucking idiot,” he said, much like his boyfriend when you’d first told him.

Only making you feel more horrible inside. How the hell could you do this to him. Especially after what Bryce had just done to you.

“It’s okay,” you said. “Maybe I should go.”

“And go where?” Bucky asked. “Not back to that apartment I can tell you that. Just stay here.”

The pair of panties Bucky had taken off of you were practically staring at you from the other side of the room. Steve’s back turned to it. “At least stay for dinner,” he said. “We can get whatever you want.”

Except even the suggestion made you feel more awful. Steve did not deserve this. If anything you should just say it. Not that the words would actually leave your lips. Tongue tied and all you could do was nod.

It was insane how quickly Bucky was able to act totally normal. Or that you were more frustrated that you never actually got the chance to finish. They were right though, you really didn’t have anywhere else to go, but here.

So there you sat right next to Bucky as the three of you ate the dinner Steve had ordered you. Trying to keep your cool as you didn’t want to bring too much attention to yourself. Even as you squirmed in your seat, trying to relieve some of the pressure. Bucky had really done a number on you. Could still feel his mouth on your lapping at your clit.

“So what happened?” Steve had finally asked from his spot across from the two of you. Obviously wanting to know everything. Not like you two weren’t normally close.

Your jaw dropped as you immediately tried to think of a lie. “Um, nothing,” you blurted out.

Bucky put his hand on your thigh, attempting to relax you except you were way too on edge. How could he just be touching you like this.

His boyfriend on the other hand raised an eyebrow at your outburst. “I thought you caught Bryce cheating?” He asked.

You closed your eyes. Duh he was talking about that. “I mean, I did,” you replied with a nervous laugh. “Yeah, he was with some girl.” You sighed.

“Well, what are you going to do now? You know we’re not going to let you go back. We have a perfectly fine guest room,” he said a smile on his face. Looking every bit of nice and sweet as he always did. The guilt already feeling like it was going to eat you up.

Didn’t even pay attention as you felt Bucky’s metal hands going up your thigh more. Getting dangerously close to the intimate place his face had just been buried inside of. You put your hand over it to move him, but he didn’t budge. Not giving a single shit.

You gulped at his fingers found their way up your dress again. Biting your lip as he chuckled. Not taking his eyes off of you as you struggled to answer. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Bullshit.” Bucky laughed. “You’re staying with us, Doll.”

You crinkled your nose which turned into biting the inside of your cheek, trying to hold in a moan. “We won’t take no for an answer.”

Well, that much was obvious.

——————————————————

The two of them helped you get settled in. You wore one of Bucky’s t-shirts since you literally didn’t have anything else. Had finally managed to grab your panties before you hoped Steve had seen them.

Your body still screaming out for release. Before giving you his shirt he’d whispered in your ear. “And you better not make yourself cum when you’re in the shower. Only I’m allowed to do that.” Wanting to prolong your torture.

What kind of shit was that. How did he get you so worked up like this. So easily. Hell that whole time you were with Bryce you can’t remember that happening. Not like you wanted to think about him.

The distraction was pretty nice, you had to admit. Who had time to think about being cheated on when your hot best friend was trying to eat your pussy.

As you opened the door you poked your head out, hesitating to call out to them. Hey, guys?” You called. Poking your head out from the restroom.

“Yeah?” Both of them were quick to chime in.

“Can you bring me some shirts!?” You asked. “I’m a little… exposed.”

You couldn’t see him, but Bucky snickered as Steve tilted his head at him. Both of them standing on either side of their king sized bed. “What?” Bucky said. “Oh come on I’m sure it’s fine,” Bucky tried to say with a straight face, but as soon as he was done he chuckled.

Steve shook his head, but couldn’t help the smirk that came on his face. “It’s really short,” you complained. “And I don’t have clean underwear.”

With that Bucky winked in his boyfriend’s direction. “Be right back.”

The smirk didn’t drop from the super soliders face as his boyfriend left the room. Only to go back to making up the third spot on the bed between them.

“What’s up, Doll?” Bucky asked seeing your head still sticking out.

“It’s too short,” you said, biting your lip.

He raised an eyebrow. Going to push the door open, not caring that you’d been blocking it. “Lemme see.”

“No!” You protested.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh come. You’re acting like I didn’t just eat you out,” he said.

“Steve is right outside,” you whispered harshly.

He rolled his eyes. “Steve’s in the room.”

“Yeah and he has super soldier hearing,” you pressed.

“It’s not all he has,” Bucky said under his breath. “Doll, you’re fine. I can’t even see anything.”

“My ass is out!” You gasped.

The man smirked at that, getting behind you to press your ass into his crotch. “And what a nice ass it is,” he whispered in your ear. Flesh hand landing on your breast to squeeze it and not giving a shit as you tried to swat him away. Going down your body until he was pushing up the shirt.

“We can’t!” You protested as his hand slipped down to your pussy. As bad as you wanted him to touch you, it didn’t seem wise. Fuck your body was practically crying for the release he couldn’t give you earlier.

“Everything okay?” Came the other man’s voice from outside the door.

Bucky scrunched his nose. “Yeah,” he called. Going to open up the door. “Tell her it’s not that bad,” he pressed.

You tried to tug it down so it was a little bit more past your thighs. Face heating up as Steve scanned up and down your body. “You look fine, Doll.”

Ugh. There the both of them go. The two of them were way too handsome to be having you stand here exposed with a dripping wet pussy. You bit your lip. Not like anyone else would see you. Just them. “Well… ok…” you sighed.

“Wanna watch a movie before bed?” Steve asked.

You nodded. Bucky put his hand on your lower back. Going down dangerously close to your ass. Only to finally come down to squeeze it tightly. Making you yelp. “Ah!”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows but laughed. “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” you squeaked, putting your hand over your mouth. Before making a pointed look at his boyfriend.

“Anyway, I was thinking we could watch a movie before bed,” Steve suggested.

“Actually, I’m kinda tired,” you immediately replied. Going to stretch your arms up and yawn until you remember how exposed you were.

“Oh come on, it’ll be fine,” Bucky said, nudging you.

“No. I have to be at work so early,” you replied. “It’s already way too late.”

“Hell no. You’re taking a sick day.” He looked appalled at the notion.

“I can’t.” You sniffled. “Besides, I’m off the next day. I’ll be fine.”

Bucky huffed. “Alright, fine, but what are you going to wear to work then?”

“I’ll just wash my clothes before we go to sleep,” you replied with a sigh. Haven’t exactly thought all of that through.

“So, movie it is?” Steve said.

Of course they’d get their way. Trying to keep your shirt from riding up too much as you went on your tippy toes to put your stuff in the wash. Closing your eyes when you realized your panties were still missing.

You peeked over to where they would have been. Except Steve would have definitely noticed them by now. “Looking for these?” Bucky asked. Holding up the pair. You immediately glanced over at where Steve was in the kitchen before reaching out to snatch them. “Ah, ah, ah,” he held them above his head. “Finders keepers, Doll,” he teased.

You let out a huff, crossing your arms. “Why are you being like this?” You asked. Honestly it was all so shocking. Normally he was such a sweetheart. He eats you out once and this is what he turns into?

Bucky shrugged. “Because I can,” he replied with a wink before leaning into kiss your cheek. “Now wipe that look off your face before I do it for you. You hear me?”

You nodded and sniffled. Wishing you’d gone anywhere else. Natasha’s maybe. Or hell even Sam’s place would have been fine. Not like you didn’t like how Bucky’s mouth had felt on you. It’s just now you were feeling terrible for doing all of this under Steve’s nose.

“Good girl,” he said, placing a chaste kiss on your lips.

You sighed as he went back to the bedroom. Making you raise an eyebrow. Weren’t the three of you supposed to be watching a movie?

“Hey, Doll,” Steve said from his spot on the bed. Going through Netflix. “What movie did you wanna watch?”

“Oh? We’re watching in here?”

“Yeah?” He replied. “That a problem?”

You looked over at Bucky who despite not responding, had a smirk on his face that you wish you could wipe off of him. Sitting there smug with his hand in his pocket. No doubt toying with the pair of panties he’d stolen.

“Actually I think I’m just gonna go to bed after all,” you said. “I’m really tired.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Well, I forgot to set up the guest room.”

You crinkled your nose. Of course he did. “That’s ok. I can just sleep on the couch.”

“What?” Steve chimed in. “We have more than enough room for you, Doll. Come on.”

They had to be fucking with you. No way was Bucky getting what he wanted just like that. “No it’s fine. I’ll just get blankets from the linen closet.”

“Doll,” Bucky’s voice was stern. Commanding even. “Come. Here.”

You hated it when your feet started moving. Whether you wanted them to or not. “What?” You asked, not meeting his eyes as you stood in front of him.

“First of all, drop the attitude. Second, we told you, you’re sleeping in here so get over it.”

Steve watched the two of you, not saying a word. Didn’t he care that his boyfriend was trying to manipulate you? Right in front of him. Your bottom lip quivered, tears prickling at your eyes.

“I just wanna go to bed,” you whispered.

“Fine. There’s a perfectly good spot right between us. Is there a problem with that?” You shook your head. Not wanting to even argue anymore. Didn’t even feel worth it.

It was just too much for one night. All of it was. Can’t believe you hadn’t just started bursting out crying right between them.

Instead you tried to get some sleep. As restless as you were. Trying to keep yourself from tossing and turning since you didn’t want to bother them. Not like you had much room considering you were squeezed between two giant super soliders. “You ok?” Steve asked in a tired voice.

“Hm?” You hummed, not taking your eyes off the ceiling. “Can’t sleep.”

He yawned. “Hey, I know your ex was an ass, but you know Buck and I are going to be with you through this whole thing, right?”

You nodded, not saying out loud what was really on your mind. Fuck this was so wrong. Screwed up on so many levels. Too bad you didn’t kick Bryce out instead of coming over here, but at the time it was the natural thing to do.

Hell there was barely even any room between their giant bodies. Even in this large bed. Felt like if Bucky rolled over he’d end up squishing you. He’d gotten so damn close. Bad enough that the t-shirt they’d given you was sitting above your ass now.

“It’s ok I’ll be out before you guys even know it,” you said.

Steve scoffed. “Don’t be silly. You know you can stay here as long as you want. A city like this is no place for a little girl like you all alone.”

You scrunched up your nose at that. “I’m not a kid, Steve. I can take care of myself,” you assured.

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to. Not as long as Bucky and I are around to do it.”

Speak of the devil, that was when he wrapped his arms around your waist. Pulling you against him. Ass going to his crotch. You let out a gasp and tried to wiggle away, but with Steve so close you were stuck. Not like you could get away from him anyway with the hold he had on you.

Not like you didn’t know that he was a cuddler. Not the first time the two of you had fallen asleep together. Never with your naked ass out though.

“It’s ok, Steve. Really,” you tried to assure him. As you were doing that, Bucky decided it would be a good time to sneak his hand between your legs. Taking advantage of you being bare. You let out a gasp, jumping as soon as his hand made contact.

“You ok?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh huh,” you squeaked out, trying to grab at his hands, but all he did was use one of his to hold yours down as he continued touching you.

“Hold still, little girl,” Bucky whispered in your ear, saying the last words in a mocking tone.

Your face felt hot as you looked forward at the blond. He had to know right. There was no way Bucky was just doing this right in front of him and he had no idea.

He pawed your thighs. Making sure they were nice and spread as his hand hands continued their torture. One going underneath the shirt to cup your breasts. Tweaking your nipples. He was groping you like he didn’t give a fuck about getting caught. Only made worse when his fingers finally touched your clit.

You bit your lip to keep yourself from crying out. Especially as he pushed you back so you were really pressed against him. Hard dick to your ass.

“I’m ok,” you tried to assure Steve. The words on the tip of your tongue. Pressure building in your stomach already as you’d never had the chance to finish earlier.

“When are you going to get your stuff?” Steve asked. “You know we’re going to come with you, right.”

Instead of fighting him you just replied, “T-thanks, Steve.”

“Always,” he said. “You know Bucky and I are always here for you.”

Well, obviously.

“I know we don’t say it a lot, but you mean a lot to us,” he said and all you could do was swallow as you felt his boyfriend’s fingers bringing you closer and closer to what you never got to have earlier. “And Bryce was such an asshole. He never deserved you.”

You swallowed down the moan that was threatening to bubble out of your mouth. Only made worse as you looked into Steve’s bright blue eyes as he sleepily looked over at you. Not like you hadn’t heard that a million times from both of them, but right now he just looked so freaky and-

“Ugh,” came out of your mouth which you quickly covered up with a cough.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Steve asked once again.

“Never better,” you lied through your teeth.

Steve yawned. “We should get some sleep. Goodnight, Doll.”With that he leaned forward pressing a chaste kiss on your lips. Catching you all the way off guard.

“Steve-,” you gasped, putting your hand up to your lips.

“What?” He asked with a chuckle.

“You can’t just-,”

“It’s not big deal,” he assured. “Bucky won’t care. It was just a little goodnight kiss.”

“Yeah, but-,”

He cut you off once more. “Unless you want it be to more,” he said with a wink.

What. The. Fuck.

“Goodnight, Doll,” he said not giving you a chance to say more as he closed his eyes. Smile on his face.

Bucky stopped what he was doing to put his face into your shoulder. Light snores coming from him. Hell his hand was still in your panties. Almost like he was making sure you couldn’t get away from him. The worst part about it was that not once did he let you fall off the edge.

You’d definitely need to start looking for places tomorrow.

[doitforbangchan]

It’s not fair - S.C

Masterlist

Changbin x reader (afab)

Summary: As your best friend, he can't just let you rot away... especially since he's in love with you.

This was an emergency request from my lovey Bumble Bee @ayejaii who I just adore. I hope you enjoy, my dear friend :)

Warnings: Angst, crying, hurt/comfort, fluff, kissing, suggestive, cursing, Bestfriends to lovers trope, Binnie being perfect. Not proofread

WC: 1.6k

There was a distinct melancholy in the air surrounding your apartment.  The curtains have not been drawn in days, making it seem mustier than Changbin had ever seen it. He had been calling you and texting you for days but you hadn’t answered once. Even though he had been your best friend for a few years, never once had you ignored him. He knew something must have happened and in his state of intense worry he sped to your home the second his recording session was over. Good thing he had the spare key you had given him in case of emergencies.

The first thing he did when he entered was scouring the room for you. The living room looked untouched from the last time he was here a few days ago. Right before your latest date with your dickhead fling. When he didn’t find you in the living room or kitchen he shuffled to your bedroom. 

The door was cracked open, a gap big enough for your cat to fit through. Changbin peered inside the dark room, finding a cocooned lump in the middle of your bed. Your fluffy cat was curled next to you but upon his entry into your space got up from her lying position, letting out a little ‘mew’ in greeting to her second favorite human. 

Changbin gave the cat a little scritch on the chin, before he sat on the edge of your bed. “Y/n? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” You didn’t answer, he only heard a quiet sniffle come from the mass of blankets. “I’ve been worried about you, ya know. You haven’t been answering your phone. Not since you went out with Mike.” He said the man's name with a tone of disgust. Changbin had been in love with you since you first became friends all those years ago, and knew your fling didn’t deserve you. “Have you been laying here since then? It’s been 3 days.”

 At the mention of the name, you let out a sob, your body shaking as you did. “Stop, Bin.” You croaked out, voice sounding like you hadn’t spoken words in days. 

His mind immediately went to the worst, panic striking his body, ”Did.. Did he do something to  you, Y/n? Did he hurt you?” 

You peeked your face out of your cocoon just enough to meet his eyes. Your own eyes were puffy and red, as if you had been crying for hours on end. “No Changbin. He didn’t hurt me. Not physically at least.” 

“What do ya mean, sweetheart?” He was confused, he thought things were going well with the dickhead. 

“He..he broke up with me.” You sobbed, reburying your face in your covers. 

“Oh honey, come er’,” he laid on your bed with you and cradled you into him. “He was a fucking dipshit who didn’t deserve you anyway.” 

“I am so tired, Bin.” 

“What are you tired of, y/n?” He tried to keep his voice even and soothing.

“I am so tired of men treating me like trash. Like I’m some toy they can throw away when they’re done playing with me.” Your shaking got worse, hiccuping between words. “ I try so hard to be good for them, be who they want me to be, but it doesn’t matter. None of it fucking matters.”

“Don’t say that. None of it is your fault. You don’t have to change yourself for anyone, let alone some low life.” He had fury in his tone, though he was doing his best not to let it show. 

“But it is my fault!” you flung the blankets off you as you sat up. Your voice was hysterical. “He told me it was! That I- I wasn’t enough for him. That I wasn’t the kind of girl he could see himself with in the long run. Why am I so unlovable?” 

“That’s not true!” Changbin exploded. You were shocked at his outburst. “You are loveable! In fact I know someone who would kill to be with you, and treat you like you deserve!” 

“Who, Binnie? What kind of man would want to be with a mess like me?!” you cried. 

“Me, goddamnit!” Fuck, this is not how he imagined he would confess to you. It's too late now. “I am in love with you!” 

Your tears came harder, “ Don’t say things you don’t mean, Changbin. It’s not fair.” 

He cupped your cheeks, “What’s not fair, is how long I’ve spent pining after you. How long I’ve spent trying to show you how a man is supposed to treat a woman.” He was staring right into your eyes, being the most serious you had ever seen him. “It’s not fair that I have had to watch you go out with dirtbag after dirtbag, while I waited and hoped and prayed that you would finally see who was right here…me.” 

You paused, glassy eyes wide. “Why did you never say anything?” 

“What was I supposed to say? That I was in love with you while you were dating someone else? That I didn’t want you to be with anyone else? I couldn’t be selfish, not with you.” 

“Oh Binnie” You flew at him, burying your face in his muscular chest. Your fingers grasped onto his shirt, trying to bring him as close as possible. “I have seen you there. I’ve always known your worth.” 

“Don’t lie to make me feel better.” He whispered, his anguish showing in his voice. 

“I’m not lying!” you wailed, “I have been in love with you for years, since we first met at Hyunjins birthday party!” 

He remembers it so clearly, he often replays it in his mind. Being enamored with your soft smile and bright personality when Hyunjin introduced you a few years back. The pink dress you wore had hugged your figure just right, and your fluttering lashes had him in a trance. At the time, he was too chicken shit to ask you out for a real date, so instead he settled on being your friend. 

“You were always so good to me, Bin. It’s impossible not to fall for you.” You sniffled, trying to make him see. “You always treat everybody so well, I didn’t think you felt the same way about me. I didn’t want to confess and be turned down by you. I couldn’t bear to be on the receiving end of your polite grimace you always have when rejecting a girl. Or even worse, have you feel bad for me and agree to date me in some self sacrificing way, making yourself miserable.I guess that's me, unable to be selfish with you.” 

You waited with baited breath for his response. What you got instead was him wrapping his thick arms around you, and his face in your hair as he…laughed? 

“You’re telling me, I waited so long for you to see me there. For you to love me like I do you. And you’ve been over here, feeling the exact same way? For years?” His laughing mingled with his now teary cries as he took in the situation. “Maybe it’s us who’s the actual dipshits.” 

You couldn't help the watery giggles that escaped you. “ I think you’re right, Bin. We’re possibly the biggest idiots on earth.” 

You both just held each other for a while, cry-laughing together on your bed. Eventually he was the first to pull away. Changbin wiped his watery eyes as he gazed down at you. Even with a puffy tear stained face you were still the most beautiful woman in the world. 

His rough hands cupped your cheeks again, and he held your eye contact as he slowly leaned in closer. “If this isn’t what you want, I need you to stop me now,” he whispered. 

“It’s all I want, Bin. You’re all I want.”  You were the one to close the gap, your lips smashing into his with a delicate intensity. He reciprocated just as fiercely, almost as if this was a dream he would soon wake from. 

Changbin knew if you’d let him, he could swallow you whole. Make you his in every way possible. Your little whimpers that escaped you when you bit on his lip didn’t go unnoticed. But, as much as he would love to take it further, he understood it wasn’t the right time. Sex wasn’t what you needed right now. 

“Sweetheart,” he started, his words muffled when you wouldn’t let him pull away completely. you hummed, reaching for the hem of his shirt. “Baby, we can’t right now. As much as I’m dying to finally get you naked, there are more pressing matters.” he managed to gently push you off. 

“But Binniiiieeeee.” you whined with a pout. 

“I know, my love, I know” he cooed, patting your hair, before standing from your bed. “ first things first, you gotta eat something and shower.” He scooped you into his arms as you squealed a laugh. “And let’s get this place aired out, huh? It reeks of despair in here.” 

“Ugh fine” you relented, stomach growling at the promise of food. Plus if it meant you could stay in his arms longer, you would do anything he asked. “on one condition.” 

“And what’s that, sweetheart?” he asked amused when you plopped you on your bathroom counter. He then turned on the bathtub tap letting it fill up for you. 

“You have to take a bath with me.” There was a twinkling in your eye as you purred it. 

“Fuck, you can’t say things like that. It’s not fair.” He ran his hand through his hair, looking flustered. 

You pulled your shirt off, flinging it at him.

“Who ever said I was fair?” 

Comments and reblogs are very much appreciated!

©doitforbangchan

[m1ckeyb3rry]

── THE GLASS PRINCESS // THREE

Series Synopsis: You wake up in a strange room with no memories, broken glass at your bedside, and a prince named Zuko as your only chance at figuring out who you really are.

Chapter Synopsis: You have your first day at the Royal Fire Academy, where you meet the other girls, including Kaho.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Zuko x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.1k

Content Warnings: complicated relationships (strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to strangers to lovers to enemies to lovers), amnesia, alternate universe, lots of secrets and lying and mystery

A/N: zuko in his letters (sage, wise, cool and collected) vs zuko irl (SOO fucking awkward)

To His Royal Highness The Prince Zuko,

I apologize for my earlier language. In truth, it feels strange for me to speak to you as if you were my friend. I think that it is because you are my benefactor, and a prince besides, so there is a need for formal and proper conduct. We have that kind of relationship, if you can see it from my perspective.

Your offer of help is greatly appreciated, though I am not quite sure what I have done to deserve it. I shall try to solve my troubles on my own, when I can, but if it should come to it, I will try to remember that I have the prince of the Fire Nation on my side. I wonder how many girls at the academy can claim that, indeed!

Anyways, my roommate is nice. Her name is Jia-Li, and she is self-reportedly average, but all told, we get along well enough. I wish I could say the same for the rest of my classmates — barring, naturally, Ty Lee — but I am afraid to report that we already do not get along. There is this one girl, Kaho, who has a specific grudge against me, despite my attempts at avoiding that outcome…but I should not bore you with the details. Suffice to say that not everyone is as kind as Jia-Li and Ty Lee and Mai and you have been. It is as Jia-Li said, though: two true friends are better than ten false ones. It does not upset me (though it might if I am challenged to an Agni Kai!)

Thank you for feeding Bian. She did seem pleased when she returned to the aviary at the academy. I also gave her a treat. By the way, the falconer said she was supposed to be yours. Is that true? If it is, then I do not think that I deserve such a creature, though of course I thank you for giving her to me anyways. She is very beautiful and possesses a gentle heart, which is a solace in the more trying times.

Ever Your Highness’s humble and obedient servant Sincerely, Ursa

P.S. I am sorry to say that I still do not recall anything about my past. I shall keep you updated if that changes.

You were up before Jia-Li, nervous energy thrumming through you in anticipation for the first day of classes. Ty Lee had stayed late into the night, and then you had spent the candle Jia-Li had lit for you writing to Prince Zuko, so you hadn’t had any time to read or prepare for lessons.

“Ugh,” Jia-Li groaned when you threw open the curtains, the rising sunlight filtering into the room, a beam landing directly on her face, which she promptly covered with a pillow. “What are you doing?”

“You’re a Firebender, aren’t you? Don’t you all rise with the sun anyways?” you said.

“I don’t know who told you that, but they were full of bullshit,” Jia-Li said. “I rise after I’ve had a full night’s rest, which I have not yet.”

“Breakfast is soon,” you said, pulling on your shoes. “You’ll miss it if you don’t get ready now, and then you’ll have to go to class on an empty stomach. I’m sure that doesn’t sound appealing.”

“On second thoughts, I miss not having a roommate,” Jia-Li said, though she did toss aside her pillow and roll out of the bed, thudding to the ground and shoving her feet in a pair of fluffy slippers. Her hair stuck up every which way, and there were bags under her half-lidded eyes as she trudged past you to her vanity table. “You can go ahead and meet Ty Lee in the dining hall now, if you want. I’ll come down later.”

“Do you think she’ll be there already?” you said.

“Yeah,” Jia-Li said. “That girl is the epitome of a morning person. She’s probably been anxiously waiting for you for a while now.”

“Then I shouldn’t keep her waiting any longer,” you said. “See you in class, Jia-Li.”

“See you, Ursa,” she said.

As Jia-Li had predicted, Ty Lee was waiting outside of the door to the dining hall, where all of the girls who boarded at the academy had their meals. She was playing with her fingers nervously, but when she saw you, she bloomed with joy, dancing over to stand beside you.

“Good morning! Are you ready for our first day?” she trilled.

“Not at all,” you said. “I didn’t have any time to read yesterday. I don’t know anything. If the teacher calls on me, I’ll be lost.”

“It’ll be fine,” Ty Lee said, putting a piece of bread on her plate and spreading something on its fluffy surface. “We’re new, so we’ll probably get away with sitting in the back and doing the bare minimum.”

“Let’s hope so,” you said, copying her, trusting her to know what was and wasn’t good to eat at the school. She flounced to the end of the table, and you followed her, sitting across from her so that you two could talk.

“Ty Lee!” a girl said. “Come sit with us!”

“No, sit with us!” another said.

“We asked first!” the first girl said.

“So? She obviously likes us more, we’re way hotter!” the second argued. They began to squabble as you gave Ty Lee a bewildered look.

“What is going on?” you said.

“Besides Kaho, almost everyone at the school liked me…” she said awkwardly. “I guess you could say I was popular! Everyone’s happy I’m back.”

“Looks like it,” you said, baffled at just how many people were trying to claim the spot at Ty Lee’s side. Thankfully, none of them tried to take your space, though you got your own share of dirty glares, which you could only cock your head at in confusion.

“Guys, go away. I’m trying to hang out with my friend from the palace, Ursa,” Ty Lee said.

“What was she there, a servant?” one of the girls said. You glanced down at your clothes, which were the same uniform as everyone else, and then you swallowed. Unlike the other girls, with their expensive hair ribbons and jewelry, you didn’t have anything to your name that marked you as a daughter of nobility — because you weren’t one. It was a safe assumption for the girl to make, and it was even one you’d made about yourself in the past, so why did it hurt your feelings that she had said such a thing?

“Hey!” Ty Lee said. “She’s a friend of the prince — I mean, the princess! Yeah, that’s right, she’s Azula’s friend!”

Immediately, the girls scrambled away from you, and the one who had called you a servant paled. Dropping to her knees before Ty Lee, she bowed her head.

“I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect to a friend of Princess Azula’s!” she said.

“Apologize to Ursa,” Ty Lee said, chipper again now that she had found some kind of justice for you.

“It’s fine, Ty Lee. I can see why she thought that, so I’m not upset,” you said. The girl took the opportunity to leap to her feet and race to the other side of the table, the others following suit at the reminder of the princess.

“Those girls are all jerks,” Ty Lee said once you were alone again. “I’m sorry she was talking about you like that.”

“It’s not something you should say sorry for,” you said. “You didn’t do it. Anyways, I was expecting it; Jia-Li told me that the girls aren’t that nice, so it’s not a surprise. The real question is why you claimed my association to be with the princess instead of the prince.”

“Oh, that’s an easy one to answer,” she said. “They all remember Azula from when she attended, so she’s a more concrete threat in their minds. Only a few of them have met Zuko, and he’s been banished for a while, so his name doesn’t carry as much weight. Besides, if you’re associated with one member of the royal family, you’re associated with all of them, so I wasn’t technically wrong.”

“Alright,” you said, forcing yourself to chew on your food, even though it felt heavy and leaden in your mouth. It wasn’t a question of taste; somewhere, in the back of your mind, you could tell that you would ordinarily like eating this. It was your nerves which were ruining the experience, which made your tongue stiff and your jaw tight. You knew, though, that you needed food in order to have energy for the day, so you made yourself eat it despite your misgivings, despite the mental labor that even the mere act of swallowing took.

The classroom was small, which made sense, considering there were only a few girls in your year. What didn’t make sense was that the two desks in the very front were left open, though you had an inkling that one specific person had something to do with it.

“Ty Lee. Ursa,” a girl said. Her hair was pin straight and dark, half of it tied up with a white-and-gold ribbon, the rest falling around her shoulders, her midnight eyes reflecting the torches hanging around the classroom. “We saved you two seats.”

“Kaho,” Ty Lee said through gritted teeth. “You shouldn’t have.”

“I know,” Kaho said. “You can say I did it out of the goodness of my own heart.”

“Like I said,” Ty Lee said. “You shouldn’t have.”

“Thank you,” you said softly, not wanting to get into an argument with the very girl Jia-Li had warned you about last night.

“See,” Kaho said. “At least one of you has proper manners. Though, to be honest, I would’ve expected the daughter of a nobleman to be raised better than the girl that the prince found in the trash.”

“She wasn’t found in the trash!” Ty Lee said.

“Wasn’t she?” Kaho said.

“You can let it be, Ty Lee. It’s fine,” you said. “Let’s just sit down before the Etiquette Mistress gets here.”

Your first class was on the proper etiquette to have in polite society. Considering the many subtleties of etiquette, this was something you were nervous for, as you had no idea how to behave in polite society, or what any of that meant in the first place. It seemed that the others expected as much, for there was a multitude of snickers as you sat in the very front and waited for the Etiquette Mistress to arrive.

“Wonderful, everyone is on time!” the Etiquette Mistress said as she walked in exactly at the second class had to start. She was a neatly dressed and perfectly put together woman, with not even an eyelash out of place. “Let’s begin promptly with a review from our last class. Who can tell me what the three pillars of etiquette are?” She scanned the room, but only one girl had her hand raised. “Kaho?”

“Respect, consideration, and punctuality,” Kaho said, smirking as she folded her hands in her lap. The Etiquette Mistress did not frown, but the corners of her mouth threatened to tug downwards, and before you could think about it, you were raising your own hand.

“Ursa?” the Etiquette Mistress said. “Do you have something else to add?”

“It’s a common misconception that punctuality is a pillar of etiquette. However, in truth, it is not a pillar unto itself but rather a natural development and extension of the pillars of respect and consideration,” you said, though you had no idea where the words were coming from, only that some long-dormant knowledge of yours was bubbling to the surface. “The third pillar is actually honesty, madam, though of course honesty does not imply brutality but tact, benevolence, and integrity.”

Everyone in the room was silent. You could feel Kaho’s eyes boring holes into your back, but you stared steadily ahead, waiting for the Etiquette Mistress to react.

She smiled slightly. “That is correct. I also appreciate that you addressed me with a title; it demonstrates an elegant sort of etiquette that a lady must be born with or else have studied in depth from a young age.”

“Thank you, madam,” you said. The Etiquette Mistress nodded before turning to the board so that she could continue to teach you a lesson on which utensils to use for which meal.

This, too, you excelled in. You were the only student who knew when to use each utensil, even during the trick questions that the Etiquette Mistress threw out to trip you up. With every subsequent test passed, you felt your approval in the eyes of the Etiquette Mistress rising, though it was rapidly falling amongst your classmates, especially Kaho, who must’ve once been the star of the class.

“I thought you said you didn’t have time to study!” Ty Lee hissed once the Etiquette Mistress had left and you all were given a five minute break before the History Mistress arrived.

“I didn’t,” you said.

“Huh? Then how’d you manage to answer her questions so perfectly?” she said.

“I’m not sure. I just knew it already, somehow,” you said.

“Looks like Prince Zuko has a keen eye,” Kaho said from behind you. “To find the diamond amongst the sludge.”

For some reason, even though she was calling you a diamond, it didn’t feel like much of a compliment. Ty Lee seemed to agree, her kind, open face closing into a dark scowl.

“Kaho, you should just shut up,” she said.

“Is that a challenge?” Kaho said.

“It could be, but don’t forget that I’m one of Azula’s most trusted comrades. Is that a fight you think you could win?” Ty Lee said. Kaho seemed furious, but she had no argument, not when Ty Lee was objectively correct.

“The History Mistress will be here soon,” Jia-Li interjected, trying to break the tension. “Let’s forget about all of this and move on.”

“Sozin’s beard, Jia-Li, nobody cares about history,” Kaho said, rolling her eyes. “Just sit in the back and keep quiet like usual.”

Jia-Li stuck her tongue out at Kaho when the other turned away, but you noticed she did not stand up for herself. Ty Lee was the only one who was brave enough to say anything, and even then, you wondered how much of it was false bravado and how much of it was genuine self-confidence.

“Good morning, class,” the History Mistress said.

“Good morning, History Mistress,” you all chorused in unison.

“Today, we will be learning about an event that occurred relatively recently, but will definitely be written down in the history books in the years to come: Prince Zuko’s defeat of Ba Sing Se,” she said.

Ba Sing Se — it was where the prince had found you. You knew that the city had, at some point, fallen to the Fire Nation, but you didn’t know what had happened or how it had happened. This was definitely a topic of some personal interest to you, and you could not help leaning forward in your seat a bit.

“I thought we might go over this, since we now have a personal connection to it in the class,” the History Mistress said. “Namely, Ursa, who was found by Prince Zuko during the invasion.”

The entire class turned to look at you as the History Mistress began to draw a diagram on the board. The weight of their gazes was a suffocating burden, but you did not afford them the privilege of seeing you crumple, for you knew that you had to, in some way, remain strong, lest they pounce upon your perceived weakness.

“During his hunt for the Avatar, Prince Zuko and his uncle, the former General Iroh, found themselves separated from their ship and amongst Earth Kingdom refugees fleeing to the capital city of Ba Sing Se.

“It seemed to be a damning sentence; after all, what place does Fire Nation royalty have in such a city? But our prince is wise and loyal. He and his uncle opened a tea shop in order to bide their time, blending in with the city and learning its secrets.

“Taking a risk, he wrote to his father, telling him he had found a way into Ba Sing Se. The Fire Lord Ozai, who has always had the utmost of faith in his son to do what must be done, sent him the Soldiers of Agni in aid, promising a larger army if the Soldiers of Agni were not enough.

“For those of you who do not recall our lesson from the beginning of the term about the military structures that Fire Lord Azulon put into place, the Soldiers of Agni are the most elite Firebenders in the nation, excepting, of course, the royal family.

“So these proud men, who were the epitome of Fire itself, donned the muddy browns and greens of the Earth Kingdom on the command of their lord and snuck into Ba Sing Se in the same way that Prince Zuko and former General Iroh had. There, they met the prince, who formed their plan of attack.

“On the agreed-upon date, the Soldiers of Agni and Prince Zuko stormed the palace, beginning by executing all of the guards who tried to fight back. The rest of the guards, knowing they were outnumbered, quickly defected, and when the former General Iroh tried to stop them, they took him prisoner for the royal family, allowing the Soldiers of Agni and Prince Zuko to continue their invasion.

“Their main goal was to get rid of everyone who lived in that palace, in which they were successful. Not even the Earth King’s pet bear was spared. He and the rest of the palace’s inhabitants were destroyed, along with an entire wing of the Earth Palace, which the Soldiers of Agni brought crumbling to the ground with their fire and their might.

“Sadly, all of the Soldiers of Agni that fought to take the Earth Palace lost their lives that day. Most of the palace staff were Earthbenders, and they fought back, outnumbering the Soldiers of Agni ten to one. The Soldiers of Agni possessed superior skills, but those were barely enough against such a large quantity of enemies.

“We cannot forget the sacrifices they made. It is through the bravery, spirit, and courage of the Soldiers of Agni that the Fire Nation finally took Ba Sing Se for good. Even in a confrontation where they were at such an enormous disadvantage, the Soldiers of Agni kept fighting for their country, their home, and for the Fire Lord, eventually emerging victorious, though they were unable to enjoy the fruits of their victory. We must always follow this example of duty and selflessness, ever asking ourselves what we, too, can give up for the welfare of the Fire Nation.”

After her long-winded explanation, the History Mistress exhaled, wiping away a tear from the corner of her left eye and then holding her hands to her heart. You all had a quiet moment, presumably in honor of the Soldiers of Agni, and then, tentatively, Jia-Li raised her hand.

“History Mistress, what does all of that have to do with Ursa?” she said.

“That’s something you should ask her, not me,” the History Mistress said, motioning towards you. “Go on, Ursa. Tell us what part you played in this entire tale.”

You gulped. “To be frank, I don’t remember myself what my role was, but I’ve been filled in by Mai and Prince Zuko. Apparently, I was a Fire Nation soldier on the front lines, but at some point, I was taken prisoner by the Earth Kingdom. They were torturing me in Ba Sing Se for Fire Nation secrets. After invading the city, Prince Zuko found me, and he brought me to the palace to be healed. It was there that I woke up without any memories.”

“You were a soldier?” Kaho said, without even raising her hand. She scoffed. “You look entirely too soft to ever have been fighting on the front lines.”

“Kaho, she was in jail for who knows how long,” Jia-Li said softly. “Of course she’s not in fighting shape anymore. Especially if they were torturing her…poor Ursa. You’re so brave for not giving in.”

“That’s right,” the History Mistress said. “We must all endeavor to be like Ursa, as well, who after all of her ordeals is still set upon nothing but improving herself for her country. She truly is the example of what a Fire Nation citizen should be like. Now, let us thank her for sharing her story.”

“Thank you, Ursa,” everyone said. You sat on your hands and hated every second of it. You didn’t like the attention being called to you once again. You just wanted to fade into the background and be forgotten, but more and more, it seemed like that was impossible.

“The topic of prisoners is a great segue into what we’re going to be talking about in today’s lesson. Who can name one historical Fire Nation figure that was also kept in captivity by the Earth Kingdom?” the History Mistress said.

To no one’s surprise, it was Kaho volunteering once more, but this time, she was unchallenged, as you focused all of your energy on writing notes about the material. After all, you didn’t know any of this, and you figured it was likely important that you pick up such things, considering the entirely blank slate that was your mind at present.

The academy’s aviary was only a short walk from the dormitories, and you found yourself frequenting the path already, both because of your correspondence with Prince Zuko and because Bian was one of the few beings that you could say without question was your friend.

“I don’t understand why they already have decided that I am so worthless,” you sniffed, finally allowing yourself to cry in the solitude of the aviary.

Bian tilted her head at you, nudging you with her cold beak. You wiped away your tears before scratching her on her feathery chest.

“I don’t even know half of their names,” you said. “Yet they are convinced that I am someone less than them. Someone worthless. They think of me as waste, Bian — a rubbish girl who does not deserve to be their peer.”

Of course, your messenger hawk was not intimately acquainted with the subtleties of such politics and divisions, but for the moment, it seemed as if she understood, as she let out a low, rumbling coo. It was the most comfort you could dream of, and you bit your lip to prevent a sob from falling past your lips.

“Maybe it’s true,” you said. “You can decorate trash all you want. At the end of the day, you can’t change what it is. Maybe I don’t belong here. I don’t know what Prince Zuko was thinking, sending me to study with these girls.”

Bian nipped your sleeve, almost like a reprimand. You gave her a warning look, reminding her to keep her beak to herself, but all you earned in response was indifference — your reward for thinking a bird could read your expressions and would care about them, even if she could.

“And for some reason, Kaho has a personal vendetta against me,” you said. “I can’t think of anything I’ve done to deserve it. Is it because I corrected her during our etiquette class? But she hated me even before that.”

Jia-Li had mentioned something about Kaho envying you for your closeness with the royal family, but it wasn’t as if you had chosen that. You hadn’t chosen to be saved by Prince Zuko. You hadn’t chosen to lose your memories. You hadn’t chosen to live like this. None of it was in your control, so why did she blame you for it all?

“I just wish I knew who I was,” you said. “Things would be easier if I knew there was someone who loved me. Someone who was waiting for me to come back. If I was a Fire Nation soldier, then my family — they might be nearby, right? I should…I should be trying to find them, not studying at this school!”

You could feel the judgment rolling off of Bian in waves, which was ridiculous, because she was after all just a messenger hawk and was incapable of judging anyone. Still, if she were a person, you fancied she would be judging you at the moment, and your shoulders slumped as you realized how ridiculous you sounded.

“I’m in a position that many greatly desire, and here I am, complaining. I am in an elite institution, my tutelage sponsored by a prince who is only all-too-eager to help me with whatever I need. It is silly that I am so upset, it’s just that — it’s just that I feel like some part of me is missing. Like I lost who I am when I lost my memories, and not just in the sense of my identity. It was something physical. There is something more to me that is out of my grasp, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot reach it,” you said, extending your hand and closing your fist around empty air.

As per usual, there was nothing. It was a futile exercise. No matter how many times you did it, the result would be the same. You would not be able to find that part of you again, not for some time.

“Who am I, really?” you said to Bian. “That’s what I want to know. Who was Ursa? Who were my parents? Did I have siblings? What about friends? What did I do for fun? I don’t know any of it. I feel like I will only be happy again if I can find out. Even if it’s terrible. Even if it means reliving the torture that the Earth Kingdom put me through. I just want to remember.”

But try as you might, there was still nothing. You still had no idea who you were. Although you had had a full day of instruction at the academy, you were in no better of a position than you had been on the day you started.

Ursa,

You really can just call me Zuko. You don’t have to refer to me as the prince, unless you are completely more comfortable with that. Though it is true that I am your benefactor, I am not someone you should defer to. If you can bring yourself to do it, then I should like if you actually think of me as your friend. I would like to consider you mine, and so I will speak to you as if you are until you tell me otherwise.

I’d expect that none of the girls at the academy can claim that the prince of the Fire Nation is offering them friendship, and will be on their side even if they should reject that offer! Anyways, I have no doubt that you will be able to solve any issues that come your way, but sometimes, it is nice to have support. I want to be that for you. Even if it is not me, I hope there is someone at the academy who you can turn to for that.

It is a relief to hear that your roommate is someone likable. I asked Mai about Jia-Li; though she had nothing favorable to say, there was also nothing unfavorable, which is almost more of a compliment, coming from her. It’s good to know that you do not have to sleep beside someone you detest.

And speaking of, I am angered to hear that they have been treating you that way. Please remember that you are worth ten of them in my eyes. You only need to say the word, and I will have them spoken to harshly. Especially that Kaho, who has always been the horrid type (Mai was a little more explicit in her description, but I will spare you the specifics. Just imagine the most obscene expletives you can think of, and then imagine something even worse — that is probably in the range of what she was saying about her). Do not let her get you down; she is a spoiled, sheltered girl whose father is an Admiral and allows her to get away with doing whatever she wants because of his high status in the military. If you stand up to her, then I am sure she will back down. People like that usually do.

Yes, Bian was supposed to be my hawk, but I already have one and have no need for another, so she would’ve just sat in the aviary once I received her. It is for her own good that I gave her to you. If you do not like such an extravagant creature being yours alone, then you may imagine that you are borrowing her from me for the time being (though I will not accept her return — I think that she is attached to you now).

She is an exemplary bird, is she not? The falconer was very proud of her when she hatched. Although, I don’t know if anyone else would agree that she possesses a gentle heart; it’s not something typically said about messenger hawks, which are frequently ill-tempered. It is further proof that she is fond of you and was always meant to be yours, no matter whose name she was hatched in.

My own life has been dreadfully boring as of late. Meeting after meeting after meeting…it is definitely busy, being the prince of the Fire Nation. It’s like everyone wants to talk to me suddenly! But I’m not complaining. I much prefer being home to living on a ship and constantly wondering when I can go back, even if I had considerably more free time back then. 

I cannot think of anything else to write to you about, but I do not wish to stop quite yet, because once I am done with this letter, I will have to attend to some paperwork that I have been putting off. 

It has been sunny recently. The cooks made my favorite meal yesterday. Mai has been moping a lot more than usual (I think she misses Ty Lee). I gave bread to the turtleducks in the pond, and it seemed to cheer their spirits. My father allows me to sit at his right side for meetings nowadays, though as always, Azula is at his left. 

That’s about it. I guess that, as the heir to the throne, I should not keep procrastinating. It’s not very princely of me. 

Yours, Zuko

P.S. Once again, I am sorry to hear that. 

P.P.S. Please keep writing to me frequently, and with as many boring details as you care to include. I like hearing from you will take any excuse to not fill out these ridiculously tedious forms.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

murphy congrats on 5k!!!! ahhh you deserve it all<3333

for the celebration, if possible could i request a lil blurb with the prompt “it’s always been you.” with dbf!santi?

once again congrats🥳🥳

Cards On The Table.

dads bestfriend!santiago garcia x female reader

warnings - cursing. unspecified age gap.

note - thank you babe!! you’re too sweet <3

written for my 5k celebration - post here, masterlist here, inbox here.

“Why are you being a brat?”

You scoff, shaking your head incredulously.

“Me? I’m being a brat?”

“Yeah. You are. Cut that shit out.”

You’re stood outside your front door, Santi’s fingers wrapped tightly around your wrist. Your family and friends are in the backyard, enjoying the barbecue that your dad is perfecting.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, Santiago.”

He sighs deeply, hunching over and putting his hands on his knees. He looks as done as you feel.

“I didn’t drag you here to argue.”

“Then why did you?”

He’d snapped at you in the kitchen, one of your many comments of the day finally adding up. Snatching at your wrist, he’d pulled you forcefully out the front and onto the porch, shutting the door behind him quietly.

“I- I want to know what’s the matter with you. Why you’ve been so upset with me today.”

Your breath catches in your throat. You weren’t quite prepared for his honesty, or the fact that he’d noticed how unhappy you’ve been. You could tell him the truth, but that’ll open a whole new can of worms. So, you bow your head and sit down, silence engulfing you both.

“Hermosa-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’ve always called you that.”

“Yeah. Exactly.”

He’s quiet again, clearly unwilling to let the issue go. He moves to sit next to you, thigh pressing into yours.

“Please,” he begs. “What have I done, hmm? I don’t like feeling like you’re mad at me.”

You’re tired. Tired of fighting the way you feel, tired of protesting your mind all the time. So, you give up. You tear down your walls and let him in.

“Why did you bring her?” you whisper.

“Emma?”

“Yeah.”

“I- I don’t know. Your dad told me I should bring a date, and I just… I thought it would be alright. I didn’t really think it through.”

You process for a moment, unmoving.

“Is… is that why you’re upset with me, carinõ?”

You blink back tears. You feel stupid, having thought that there was something between the two of you. You know it’d be wrong, you know it’d be forbidden… but the heart wants what it wants. You figured that maybe your little crush would go away, but then… it didn’t. And all of a sudden, it felt like Santiago was looking at you differently. Speaking to you differently. Treating you differently.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.”

“Then yeah. Maybe. Doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“It matters to me.”

You shake your head, biting at your bottom lip nervously. You can hear your parents jokingly shouting at each other in the back, competitive as ever as they play a game by the pool.

“Just leave it, Santi. Look, I’m sorry I was a bitch today. I didn’t mean to take it out on you, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

He grabs your hand, rough skin against your soft palm.

“Look at me. Please.”

You tilt your chin up to meet his big brown eyes, warm and pleading.

“Cards on the table.”

“Cards on the table?”

“Cards on the table… I only invited Emma to try and get over you.”

Your breath catches in your throat as you look at him, mouth slightly agape. You’re trying to work out what this means, processing his words, but your brain keeps coming up empty.

“What?”

“I shouldn’t feel what I feel… but I do. And I knew it just wasn’t realistic, so, finally, I decided I needed to move on. Your dad suggested dating, and I thought fuck it, why not? Can’t hurt, right?”

He squeezes your hand, and continues.

“Wrong. It hurt so bad, sitting there with her and watching you watch me with that look in your eyes. Like I’d betrayed you or something. Which I guess, I kinda did.”

“I don’t- Santi, I… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying…”

He cradles your face in his hands, gazing at you pointedly.

“It’s always been you, hermosa.”

“It- it has?”

“Yeah,” he laughs, resting his forehead against yours. “And I know this is complicated, and confusing, and all sorts of wrong, but… I’m sick of denying what I want.”

“We can figure it out,” you whisper. “It’ll take time, but, we can.”

“I know we can. I know.”

He leans in and presses his lips to yours, gently and tenderly.

“We’ll take it one day at a time,” he reassures against your mouth.

You nod, pulling back to rest your head on his chest.

“You can start by taking Emma home,” you mumble into his t shirt.

He laughs, pulling you in closer.

“You’re something else, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told,” you chuckle, wrapping your arms around his back.

“One day at a time,” he reassures quietly, rubbing patterns into your bare shoulders.

“One day at a time.”

[yankstrash]

Seven Minutes In Heaven ~ Rutger McGroarty (x Fantilli sister)

Warnings: Making out, underage drinking

You felt a rush through your body as you downed your second drink of the night, already feeling slightly tipsy. The hockey team had just won a big game against Penn State, and were throwing a party to celebrate. Of course you were attending, being Luca and Adam Fantilli’s sister, you didn’t really have a choice. Not like you minded though, you loved to party and you loved your brothers teammates. 

Well, most of them anyway. 

Just as you were about to pour yourself another drink, you heard the familiar voice that you despised heavily behind you.

“You sure you can handle that much alcohol, Y/n?” You stopped what you were doing and rolled your eyes as you turned around to be met face to face with the one guy on the team you did not like. 

Rutger. AKA, your brother's best friend.

“From what I’ve seen, you really can’t.” He said, shrugging his shoulders and grinning. “Stop acting like you know me and what I can handle.” You spat back as you turned back around to continue pouring your drink.  

“I’m just saying, being a baby and all, maybe you should slow down.” He said, which caused you to stop what you were doing once again and whip back around. “Stop,” You began, pointing a finger at him. “Calling me that.”

You were over 2 years younger than Luca and 3 months younger than Adam, making you the baby. You hated when people brought it up, because you always felt like you were being compared to your brothers. Sure you weren’t a big time hockey star like them, but you were still your own person and deserved to be treated that way. 

Rutger knew that, which is why he always picked on you for it. 

You can’t even remember when or why you and Rutger started disliking each other, you just know it’s been this way since the start. You met him when you first got to UMich, and ever since the two of you have not gotten along. 

You can’t ever remember a time where he was nice to you. Whether it be teasing you, making fun of you or just flat out being rude to you, you and Rutger have never had a friendly interaction with each other. 

It’s not like you wanted it to be this way. He was best friends with both of your brothers and is with them 90% of the time. According to everyone else, Rutger is a nice guy who’s a lot of fun to be around. However, you are yet to see that side of him. And you’ve known him for almost a year now. 

Along with all that, he is also insanely attractive. Not nice, sure, but hot as hell. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have a little crush on Rutger when you first met, and sometimes you think you still do, but how could you with the way he treats you?

Rutger put his hands up in defense after you told him to stop calling you a baby. “Just looking out for my buddies' baby sister, that’s all.” He replied, smirking. Just as you were about to reboot, Luca walked up to you guys.

“Sup guys!” He said, throwing an arm around your shoulder. 

“I was trying to help Y/n with her alcohol intake, but she doesn’t want my help.” Rutger said, grinning at you.

“You are such a fucking-” You began to say, but your mouth was covered with Luca’s hand. “Okay! Let’s go over here, shall we Y/n?” He said, and ushered you away from Rutger, leaving him laughing at you in your tracks. 

“Can you two ever not be arguing with each other?” Luca asked you once you stopped walking. You crossed your arms and said “It’s him not me.”

Your brother laughed as he shook his head. “Pretty sure you give it back 150%, Y/n/n.” You rolled your eyes and shrugged. 

“You know, if you guys would stop arguing long enough to get to know each other you’d probably really like each other. You’re both a lot more similar than you think.” Luca started. You just rolled your eyes in response. “Plus, Rut’s a really good guy, I think he would actually be really good for you. And you for him.” 

That comment almost made your eyes pop out of your head. Your brothers have always told their friends you were off limits. 

Do the rules not apply to Rutger McGroarty? 

“How many of my friends have I ever said that about?” 

Guess not. 

“It’s not going to happen, Lu.” You said. 

Luca rolled his eyes and said, “You both need to get over yourselves.”

Before you could respond, Mark came over to you guys. “Hey we’re all playing a game in the living room, come on!” He said, and darted towards the living room.

You and Luca made your way over to where everyone was gathering. You all sat in a circle as you took a seat between Luca and Johnny. Rutger was right across from you, and when he caught your eye he sent you his signature smirk. 

You rolled your eyes in response and broke eye contact. “What are we playing?” You asked to no one in particular.

“Truth or dare.” Ethan answered. Your face scrunched up at his answer. “What are we, 10?” You asked sarcastically. 

“Oh c'mon Y/n, it’ll be fun!” Johnny said from next to you, nudging your arm. “Yeah, we play it a different way.” Gavin said from his spot. 

“And what way is that?” You asked. 

“You’re banned if you refuse any of the truths or dares.” Mark said.

“What?!” You asked in disbelief. “You guys aren’t serious.” 

They were serious. Not one of the guys had a joking expression on their face.

“We are. Some freshman a few years ago refused to do his dare and we never let him back to another party again.” Keaton said. 

“That’s ridiculous.” You said.

“Our house, our rules. Now, who wants to start?” Ethan said. 

Multiple rounds of the game went by with the stupidest truths and dares you have ever heard. Finally, someone picked Rutger.

“Rut, truth or dare.” Grano asked him.

“Truth.”

“How many girls have you slept with since getting to UMich?”

There was a chorus of whistles from around the circle as all the boys were curious to know his answer.

For some reason, this question sent a pang to your chest. You didn’t want to hear his answer.

But why? Why did this question bother you?  

“I need a refill.” You said before Rutger could answer the question. You quickly got up and made your way to the kitchen, thankfully missing his answer. 

When you returned, Luca was finishing a dare.

“Okayyyy, hmmmm.” Your brother said as he looked around the circle. His eyes landed on you and he smirked. 

“Y/n, truth or dare.” He asked you.

Fuck.

Your brothers already knew everything about you, besides everything you really didn’t want them knowing. Not trusting the questions they’d ask you, you went the alternate route.

“Dare.”

Luca looked at Adam, then at Johnny, then back at you before a huge smirk took over his face.

“I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with Rutger.” 

His response nearly stopped your heart.

If this was your brother's attempt at getting you and his best friend to get along, it was a low one. And one you did not want to participate in.

“Luca, no.” You said in all seriousness.

“Oh, is someone refusing a dare?” You heard Mark say and you shot him a death glare.

“Luca, that’s not even funny. Pick something else, or at least someone else for me to do that with.”

You truthfully had no interest in playing seven minutes in heaven with any of your brother's teammates, but at this point you were willing to do it with any of them as long as it wasn’t Rutger.

“Nope. You and Rutger. Go, now.” He said as he waved his hands to usher you away.

“What if I don’t agree to this?” Rutger finally spoke up from his spot across from you.

“Then you’re both banned.” Ethan said.

“WHAT?” You both yelled in unison.

“How is that fair? It’s Y/n’s dare, not mine.” Rutger asked, getting annoyed.

“Don’t care, you’re a part of it now. Now both of you get a move on it.” Ethan responded, pointing to the bathroom down the hall.

You turned to your brother and glared at him. “I hate you.”

He just laughed in response as you and Rutger both got up and made your way to the bathroom. 

“See you in seven minutes!” Someone yelled as you closed the door behind you.

You sighed heavily as you and Rutger stood a couple feet away from each other in the tiny half bath. 

“Thanks a lot.” He said.

“Me?! What did I do?! This was all my brother, not me, so don’t even try to put the blame on me.” You responded as you raised your voice. 

You both stood in silence for another minute, but you couldn’t take it anymore. If you were going to be stuck in here with him, you were going to get answers.

“Maybe while we’re stuck in here together you could tell me why you’ve always been such a jerk to me.” You said. 

Rutger looked at you like he didn’t know what you were talking about. “What do you mean?” He asked.

You looked at him in disbelief.

He could not be serious.

“What do you mean what do I mean? Rutger, ever since the day we met you’ve been nothing but mean to me. You always tease me, you always call me a baby, you always try to start an argument, and for WHAT? What did I ever do to you?” You asked, growing frustrated. 

Rutger stayed silent for a moment, getting lost in his thoughts.

You took his silence as a sign that there was no real reason, and he just did not like you. You were over this, you couldn’t care less if the sophs banned you from parties at their house, you were leaving.

Just as you turned to leave, Rutger stopped you.

“Y/n, wait.” He said as he gently grabbed your wrist to turn you back around.

You snatched your wrist out of his grip as you waited for him to say something.

“It’s stupid.” Was all he said.

“I don’t care.” Rutger sighed as he said “You’re not going to believe me.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and looked at him. “Try me.”

Rutger sighed as he looked down at the ground. “It’s because I like you, Y/n.”

Your scowl immediately fell as the words came out of his mouth. 

“What?” You asked.

“I like you, Y/n.” He started, as he looked up at you. “I’ve liked you since Luca and Adam introduced us.” 

What?

“But, they’re my best friends. And you’re their baby sister.” He said, then immediately closed his mouth when he said it and saw the look on your face when he did.

“Sorry.” He said. For the first time ever, Rutger apologized for calling you that.

“I didn’t want Luca and Adam to hate me, so I just started being mean to you in an attempt to get over you.” 

You were very taken aback. With every word that came out of his mouth, you were more and more shocked at his confessions.

“Teasing someone is a pretty shit way to try to get over them.” You said with a hint of sarcasm in your tone.

Rutger nodded and said “Yeah I know, and I am sorry. I never wanted to be mean to you or make you think I didn’t like you, Y/n. I just didn’t know what else to do.” 

“And then Luca started telling me how he wished we got along because he could see us together, but it was already too late at that point. I figured you hated me and there was no coming back from that.” Rutger confessed. 

“I’ve never hated you, Rutger.” You said, causing him to look at you. “Hate is a strong word.”

Rutger smiled at you and you returned the gesture.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a little crush on you too when we met.” You said.

Rutgers eyes widened as you admitted your crush. “Really?” He asked, grinning.

You rolled your eyes and said “Don’t get too excited, you almost ruined it by being mean to me.” “Almost?” He said, as he took a step towards you.

“Yes, almost. I’m forced to see you almost everyday, how could it have just gone away completely?” You said. 

Rutger shook his head as he said, “I know mine didn’t. I never got over you, Y/n.” 

You looked at him confused. “But what about the other girls?” You asked.

Rutger scrunched his eyebrows together as he asked, “What other girls?” 

“The ones you slept with. Remember, Grano’s truth question?” 

Rutger laughed as he shook his head. “Well, if you would’ve stuck around for the answer, you would’ve heard me say none. I haven’t been with any girls, Y/n.” 

His answer shocked you. You figured he was off with a new girl every weekend and after every game. 

“I didn’t think it would be fair to any of them since I was so into you.” He said.

Pardon?

“I am sorry though, about everything. I know it was a shitty way to go about things, and I apologize for that.” 

You nodded as you gently smiled at him. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too, I was never the nicest to you either.” Rutger laughed at your response. “Yeah but I deserved it, you had no reason to be nice to me.”

At least he’s aware.

“So,” He began, as he took another step towards you. “Am I forgiven?” He asked, staring down at you.

You smirked up at him and said “Under one condition.” “Name it.”

“Stop calling me a baby. It really does piss me off.” You said.

Rutger moved one hand to the side of your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb. 

“Deal.” And with that, he closed the gap between the two of you. 

Your lips moved in sync as you wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. 

The kiss deepened and grew more heated as Rutger turned you guys around so your back was against the bathroom counter. He moved his hands so they were under your thighs and lightly tapped them.

“Jump, baby.” He said against your lips as he pulled back slightly.

Out of force of habit from the past almost year, you moved your head back and glared at him.

“What?” Rutger asked, confused, before he caught on.

“Oh. OH! I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean it like that I-” He stumbled over his words in an attempt to apologize. 

You just laughed in response. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Y/n. I swear.” He said.

You laughed at him again and said “I know.” Before pulling him back to you and jumping like he asked so he could place you on the counter.

Your make out continued for a few more minutes before there was a loud bang on the door, causing you two to separate.

“TIME’S UP!” You heard someone yell. 

You rolled your eyes at the loud and unexpected noise that caused you two to break apart.

“So…” Rutger said, smirking at you.

“So….” You said back.

“Are we good?” He asked. 

You smiled widely at him. “We are good.” 

You two connected your lips again before he helped you off the counter.

He turned and opened the bathroom door, signaling for you to walk out first.

“M’lady.” He said as you smiled and walked out.

Once you two returned to the group, there was yet another chorus of whistles and cheering going around.

“So, how was your seven minutes?” Luca asked.

You both looked at each other and glared, trying to hold back smiles.

“Terrible. Worst seven minutes of my life.” Rutger responded as you both went back to your spots in the circle.

You caught onto the sarcasm in his voice, you knew he was joking.

“Oh yeah? Your hair says differently Rut.” Johnny said as he motioned to Rutgers hair.

Rutgers hands immediately flew to the top of his head, fixing his messy hair.

Oops.

“That’s some nice lip gloss you got on too, Rutty. When did you get that?” Luca asked him teasingly.

Rut’s hands went from his hair to his lips as he wiped your lipgloss off of him.

Oops again!

“Gross, that’s my little sister.” Adam said.

Rutger shrugged. “This was your guy's idea.” 

Let’s just say after that night, there was no more arguing between you and Rutger. 

You still scowled at Rutger anytime he called you baby for the first few weeks, but he assured you it was a term of endearment, not a tease, and eventually you grew to love his everyday pet name for you. 

Luca almost regretted his little plan to get the two of you together, seeing as now you two could not keep your hands off each other. 

Oh well, it was his dare. 

[your-queer-dad]

dad! I talked to the princapal and got the right name on some papers and also he said he’d talk to all the staff

later that day a different teacher came up to me and pulled me asided and asked me if she was the one who misgendered me she was really worried and said if she did she’s sorry and she asked if I was ok and stuff she’s alright sometimes I wish it was all the time

anyway back to the shitty teacher she’s just been avoiding me I think I haven’t heard her talk about me or to me the entire while

the principal said that none of this was on purpose but like bro she’s been screaming and misgendering and she’ll be super ableist and visibly homophobic not letting boys sit near eachother and saying how like boys can’t have stuffed animals and we’re to old for itshit whenever we’d bring toys to school but she lets the girls do it! and she’ll go on rants about how boys shouldn’t to this or be this etc and how girls can’t act like this blah blah blah and it’s like hell yeah she meant it the fuck

anyway she’s either lying to him or he’s covering for her either way this is annoying he kept trying to like idk smooth it over and it’s like dude I don’t need to be best friends with her just tell her to stop being a massive pile of shit

also I got my blood drawn and they kept deadnaming me and saying how oh well when you get your name legally changed then we can call you whatever you want. And it’s like sure but you could also call me my name right now motherfucker. My mom made a comment like only a couple more months because I’ll be turning eighteen soon and I called her out cause she does this thing where she pretends to be a good mom and a ally in public but actually she’s been keeping me from transitioning and she sent me terf books and called me a demon spawn and threatens me like all the time etc and then in the car after the appointment in the car I told her she’s making excuses for the nurses and they didn’t have to deadname me and then she got mad like really fucking mad and she went all quiet and started driving crazy like dangerous crazy she does that a lot and it’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten me in a car crash I’m at home now I know she’s not safe not just from the car thing just in general she’s violent and threatens a lot and she does this thing where when she gets mad she’ll grab the back of my neck real hard and drag me around like a damn rubber chicken I started walking behind her to avoid it so it hasn’t happened in a while but idk man everything really pisses me off this is all bullshit and I’m so sick of everyone just excusing it all you feel me also some girl at school keeps coming up behind me and squeezing my neck and it keeps fucking with me cause of what my mom does that girl keeps hitting on me to she won’t leave me alone and this always fucking happens dude she’s like threatening and making jokes about sexually assaulting me and I’m like bro??? The fuck?? My parents don’t care I’ll tell the principal if it gets worse but with the way he is he’ll probably be like oh she didn’t mean it she’s so young she was just joking try to be friends she’s just a little girl blah blah blah I hate how adults justify all this shit I just want someone to call it out or get mad on my behalf for once why won’t anybody ever defend me I’ve been dealing with this for eighteen years the same shit over and over from everyone I’m just a kid to and no one ever stepped in

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry you have all of that shit to deal with, that's awful. I'm really proud of you for telling the principal and that teacher came to check that they were being okay. How your mom treats you is awful and you don't deserve any of that. I am so sorry she has been doing that. You have so much awful things happening to you and it isn't fair, not at all.

- dad x

[codfanficedits]

Don't fall in love - Part four

Summary:

You get warned not to fall in love with Ghost, but you did anyways. Final part!

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!Reader

Wordcount: 901 | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: a healthy conversation.

Part one - two - three here.

“I don’t understand.” How could anyone really want you?

“Why not?”

“I’m just, me? I have too much issues for you to really want me. I’m too damaged to be loved by anyone. You can get any woman you like, you shouldn’t want me.”

“Stop filling in what I want.”

Simple words, yet they’re so effective.

“What do you want?”

“You.”

But what if you hurt him again? What if that is the final strike and he leaves you? What if you let him into your heart, what if you let him become your home and he grows tired of you?

“You’re doing it again.”

“Sorry.”

“Tell me what is going on inside of you.”

You’re amazed he can keep such a calm attitude while you feel a storm brewing inside of you. You’re amazed he can keep driving the car without crashing the both of you.

“I’m worried.” You begin. “Worried you’ll hurt me. Worried we will get into an argument and you’ll leave me. Worried I will let you in, and you see me for what I am and you decide you don’t like it.”

“I can’t promise you we won’t get into an argument.” He starts. “We’re both human, arguments happen, feelings happen. But I can promise you we can communicate about it.”

It was hard to hear this, because all you wanted was for him to promise you empty promises, promises he couldn’t keep, so you could throw it in his face. This was a nice change of pace, but boy was it terrifying. Terrifying yet exciting.

“Would you stay the night if I asked you again?” His voice breaks your inner turmoil.

“Yes.”

“What made you change your mind from last time?”

“Well..” Your voice dies out, and your mind starts to wander again, going into territory you don’t want it to go. And there comes the worry again. Because you had just told him how afraid you were, what must he think of you if his words weren’t enough to calm you down? God it felt as if you were already behind in whatever the fuck it was the two of you were sharing.

“You’re so in your head, you can’t even enjoy where you are.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” His eyes meet yours for a short moment before he focuses on the road again. “You’re so in your head, so worried what I will think of you, so worried what others will think of you. Please try to let that go.” His voice is soft, softer than you’ve ever heard before. “I’ve slept around after I’ve slept with you, and while I’m sure you don’t like it, you don’t bring it up, you don’t judge me for it. So why treat yourself different.”

“Well, you’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.” You protest.

“Neither are you.”

“This is difficult Simon. I can’t see what you see in me. I avoid my gaze in the mirror. I have no interest in learning what it feels like to meet my eyes.”

“But meeting your eyes is beautiful.”

“And all beautiful things come and go.”

“But they come.”

This man had a way with words you had never experienced before, and it brought you a sense of relief.

“Why do you know so well what to say to me?”

Simon is reluctant to answer you, but does so anyway. “Because I am telling you the things I wish someone else would’ve told me.”

“Oh.”

“But that is okay. I found my strength and I can use it to guide you. I can’t do the healing for you, but I can try to understand how it feels and help you.”

“That’s the kindest anyone has ever been to me.”

“And you do deserve so much more of it.” For the first time in ages Simon finally allows himself to have the conversations he has been craving so much. No longer is he Ghost, the man to just have a shallow one night stand with, now he is just Simon and Simon cares.

“Thank you.”

You take a deep breath, excitement and fear dancing together inside of your soul.

“Where do we go from here?” A question you hate to ask.

“I think we need to take it slow. You’re a giver, always pouring out too much love. But you don’t realize yet that watering a rock doesn’t make it soft.” He looks at you again before he continues. “You are yours before you are anyone else’s, and I would like to be next to you while you figure that out.”

You can feel your heart starting to race again, your mind filling again with the insecurities, clouding your happiness, but this time it’s you who breaks the silence.

“But I want us to be inclusive. Seeing you sleep around breaks my heart.”

“I won’t, but you have to actually stay the night if you promise me it.” A little playfulness to ease the mood.

“Do you promise to stay alongside me, even when it get’s difficult?”

“I promise.”

“Even at my worst?”

“Even at your worst.” The words leave his lips without thinking about it, as if staying with you at your worst is so natural for him.

“Ask me to stay, and I will. I will drop everything else if you ask me to stay.” He whispers.

“Then please stay.”

[ashikarin]

Honkai’s Treatment of Fu Hua

What i’ve been seeing in the last couple of chapters - ever since the ending of Elysium Everlasting - has been bothering me, especially in terms of their treatment of Fu Hua, hence the title.

The thing that bothers me the most relating to that is how no one seems to react to anything anymore. When Mei inherits the will of the Flamechasers and returns from the destruction of the Elysian Realm, which included the descending of the Current Era Herrscher of Corruption, by the way, everyone just kind of… brushes it off. Kiana and Bronya don’t react, Theresa seems not to care, and Durandal just doesn’t give a fuck?

I know there’re “more important things” going on, but really? REALLY? Raiden Mei met the warriors at the forefront of the fight against Honkai of the Previous Era, she met PE-thought process Kevin, who is their current Big Enemy, and no one even asked her about it? Kiana and Bronya went “oh cool you spoke to the most powerful warriors of the PE and the Herrscher of Origin? okay anyways” and moved on!

Which leads me to their treatment of Fu Hua. Because no one, not even Mei, who knows about Fu Hua’s memory purge, thought to tell her about the Flamechasers. Even if she didn’t realise the ER was a thing, she knew the Flamechasers. She had relationships with them, and so she’d want to know. She’d have a bigger reaction. All of that buildup where Mei skirts around telling sim Hua about future her and then nothing comes out of it? Seriously?

And i’m not saying HYV should have done this specifically for a reaction, because that’s not good writing either, but it completely brushes off that part of her history like it never happened. She knows and remembers Kevin, Su and Aponia, so by that logic, she should remember everyone else. So why not let her know?

Even on the Moon Base, if they didn’t want it in the Main Story, Klein is on the base. Do you mean to tell me Fu Hua never even asked or wondered why Mobius’s assistant was there?

The thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that this seems to suggest the fact that Hua doesn't deserve to or get the right to know that some of her closest friends just disappeared from reality for the rest of time. As if they never existed.

This doesn’t just apply to the Flamechasers. No one tells her anything! They don’t tell her Finality is running a time loop, or that MEI had no faith in Project Ember. Not only does it make Hua take even more Ls it reduces her character to a pitiable mess who doesn’t and has never been treated well and has only ever been seen as a utility by everyone but Kiana. She doesn’t get anything! She was told a lie and suffered for thousands of years because of that lie, and now that she has the chance to know the truth, they blindside and lie to her again?

Her memory purge at this point is just a plot device to not have to wrap up any loose ends and to not give her any characterisation at all. Like you could take the entire Shattered Samsara arc out and nothing would change because the only thing that it served to do was teach Kiana Edge of Taixuan.

And on that note, WHERE IS GARUDA FU HUA HYV??? offscreen 3 minute Garuda reveal. Where is Garuda Hua battlesuit huh?

[asmobeuses]

𝘽𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙨.

synopsis: Noir wasn't expecting a pretty thing like you drinking your woes away in a bar. Maybe he could keep you company?

Warnings: AFAB!reader (feminine terms such as lady, gal. inherently feminine compliments such as pretty,), infidelity, comfort to angst, drinking, cigarette smoking, obvious one-night stand (not written), suggestive, reader consents before they both continue to drink, probably OOC Noir, NOT PROOF READ. lmk if I missed anything <3

As late as it was, you found yourself wandering into a bar. Something, anything to get your mind off what you walked in on would do. You sat down and ordered some bourbon. Your eyes scanned the bar, seeing if you could find some eye candy to occupy your ever-racing mind. A certain patron in a long, collared coat fumbling around in his pocket caught your gaze.

“Fuck,” the unlit cigarette bobbed in his mouth with every word he spoke, “where’d it go? I swear to god it was just in my pocket.”

The man was conventionally attractive. He wasn't too scrawny, but not too muscular. His black hair in a neat swoop complimented his chiseled face and tall stature perfectly. 

“Lookin’ for something?” You called out in his direction, hoping he’d take notice of you.

Noir glanced at you, a small grin gracing his features. “Yeah, darlin’. I’ve misplaced my lighter.” He says, muffled. He pulls the cigarette out from his mouth before continuing. “You wouldn’t happen to have one on ya? It's been a long day and a smoke would be nice.”

You pulled out a lighter and a cigarette from the bottom of your purse. You motioned for him to come sit down.

He sat down and leaned in. “Well aren’t you a sweetheart?” The smile on his face told you that he wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon. 

You put the cigarette up to your lips and lit it, but instead of simply using the lighter for his, you leaned in closer, touching the end of your cigarette with his own. Your eyes were locked onto his the whole time, catching him off guard.

His eyes widened, your warm breath sending shivers down his spine. He couldn’t help but feel appreciative of the proximity, even if it only lasted a little while. He took a long drag before exhaling the smoke. 

“You sure know how to make a man feel lucky,” the grin on his face was laced with amusement, “what’s your name, darlin’?” He was eager to engage in conversation with you.

You chuckled at his question, deciding to play hard to get. "Ah, but revealing my name soooo soon would spoil all the fun, wouldn't it? You'll have to work a little harder to uncover that secret." Your voice carried a hint of a compelling challenge, inviting him to engage in the game of unraveling your mysteries.

He silently accepted her challenge. “Ah ah, two can play it that game,” he winked, “in that case, you can call me whatever you’d like.” His voice held a hint of suggestion. “Anyway, a pretty lady like yourself shouldn’t be here without some company. ‘S too dangerous. What brings you here? You look like you’re sulkin’.”

“Well handsome,” that was the name you chose for him, considering he was playing the same game you were, “ ‘M here because I don't wanna be at home right now.” Your vague words held a certain weight to them, but Noir looked at the wedding band you were fidgeting with on your finger and was able to put two and two together.

“Infidelity?” He inquired, expression turning soft.

“And with his boss. Now, ain’t that just comical?” You dryly laughed. You spoke with a bitter intonation, causing Noir to frown at your sorrow. He reached out, putting a comforting hand on your arm.

“I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Nobody deserves to be treated that way,” his voice filled with uncut sympathy. “Y’know what? Sometimes a little distraction is okay, even when it's temporary. Hows about I keep you company for the night, help you forget about everything?”

His hand moved from your arm, but the intense eye contact remained. “I can't fix everything, but I can do enough to put that pretty smile back on your face, hm?”

You groaned, frustrated with everything. “Nothing would amount to his entrails being on the lawn right now.”

Despite how gruesome the remark was, he found himself captivated by your dark humor. He chuckled, “Killing may not be the best way to deal with this … tempting as it may sound.” His head rested on the back of his palm. “Let me be your distraction, take your mind off things,” he repeated, “we’ll have a few drinks, talk a little more, and who knows? Maybe we can even make your cheating husband regret putting someone as pretty as you through the betrayal. Pleasure is a wonderful diversion” His mischievous lilt caused your thoughts to dance around the appealing possibilities of this night’s end.

“Now now, I’m not an easy gal. I don't just lay with the first handsome man to say hi t’me. It’ll take a little more convincing than just empty promises.” you challenged his vows of pleasure.

His eyes sparkled as his voice dropped down, low and seductive. “I wouldn't expect anything less from a beauty as alluring as you. I’m not one to make empty promises. That’s something you can learn very quickly. I assure you, the pleasure I offer is far from empty. 

His finger made rounds around the rim of his glass, sending suggestive shivers down your spine.. “I aim to satisfy, in every sense of the word, but it’s no fun if I don't have to work for it.”

“Your confidence alone is almost enough.” You joked.

“My confidence isn’t all I have going for me,” he winked, “but I don't want you to give in too easily. I want to earn every moment. Let us savor the journey, and make tonight one neither of us will forget.”

You were beginning to grow flustered by his words. “Quite the charmer there, aren’t you.” It was more of a statement than a question.

His smile only grew more confident. “Why, thank you, dear. I do aim to please,” he replied, “but there's no need to be nervous. Just relax, allow me to show you a night of indulgence.” He flicked the rim of his glass, meeting your eyes with the sound of the clink. “Let me take care of you tonight. Let me make you feel things never before felt. I can assure you won't regret it.”

Your legs pressed together as you were lost in thought. After a few moments, you gently whispered, “I..may just take you up on that offer.”

His eyes flickered with a mixture of anticipation and satisfaction. He leaned in closer, voice laced with raw desire, “perfect..”

Your Adam's apple bobbed, his eyes following.

“Let’s head somewhere more private, yeah?”

You eagerly nodded and followed him out of the bar. He was making his way to the motel down the street. Once you arrived, he quickly paid for a room and led you to it. 

In a couple swift movements, the door was locked and his lips found purchase on your own, moving in sync. Your heart was beating out of your chest, you could only pray he didn’t hear it. He pulled away and began removing his coat, you could only stare at his body through the well-fitted collared shirt.

His eyes met your own and he looked as if he was in a trance. He grabbed you with a lustful urgency, one hand on your waist and the other in your hair. “It's like.. You have me under a spell. I can't resist those enchanting eyes of yours. I want to fulfill every one of your desires tonight.”

You gave him full control, allowing him to do whatever he wanted. Your voices mixed into a symphony of intimacy, swirling into the air around you, forming the most beautiful song. Noir’s eyes followed your body’s every movement, his intense gaze pushing you over the edge time and time again.

Coming down from your highs, you felt nothing but pure bliss. Though, as Noir held you, your mind began to wander to your husband. You knew what lay in store before you indulged in Noir, but you couldn't help but let the tears fall at his tenderness and attention. You began to crave him beyond sex. You thought about how your husband never looked at you the way Noir did, never took your well-being or satisfaction into account. He only craved what would benefit him and him alone.

Noir’s expression softened, his understanding of your feelings deepening. He gently wiped away the tears, his touch infused with empathy and care. “I see you, sweetheart. I see your needs, your desires, and I'm here to fulfill them. To show you the love and attention you deserve.” 

Noir embraced you as if to shield you from all the pain and neglect you had endured. He wanted to be the one to heal the wounds inflicted upon your heart and soul. He wanted to show you the genuine and unwavering kind of love. He understood the complexity of your emotions, the yearning for more than just physical intimacy. 

It was then, when Noir realized his encounter with you held more weight than just a simple, fleeting fling. The tightening of his hold on your trembling body was instantaneous when the comprehension of his heart’s desire came to fruition.

He fell in love, and it all happened in a single night.

“With me, you will always be prioritized, both in and out of the bedroom.” From that moment, Noir vowed to be the sanctuary you sought, the embodiment of love and passion that would wash away past wounds. He wanted to be the partner you deserved, to protect and cherish you, whether it be in moments of intense passion or tender silence.

"Thank you, Noir." As you sobbed into his chest, your words held some sadness to them, as you believed this would be the first and last time you saw him.

Noir held you tightly in his embrace, his heart aching at the sound of your sobs. He knew how bittersweet this interaction would become, and it only reinforced his determination to make this moment with you as meaningful as possible.

"You don't need to thank me, my dear," he whispered softly, his voice filled with a mixture of sadness and longing. "I'm here for you, and I always will be. No matter what happens, you'll always have a place in my heart."

In that moment, he wished he could offer you more, wish he could mend the brokenness in your life and give you the love and happiness you deserve. But he understood the complexities of the situation, the circumstance that kept you apart.

Noir cradled you gently, his touch offering solace and comfort amidst the turmoil of emotions. He cherished this moment, knowing that it was fleeting, yet forever etched in his heart.

"You deserve so much happiness," he murmured, his voice filled with sincerity. "Don't settle for anythin’ less. No matter where life takes us, always remember the love we shared in this moment."

With a final tender kiss, Noir held you close, silently promising to cherish the memory of your time together and hoping that one day, fate would grant you both the opportunity to find happiness in each other's arms once more.

You fought your drowsiness, not wanting this moment to end. Unfortunately, you lost, succumbing to the wishful embrace of slumber.

Though, the love you felt rivaled that of any other.

Noir woke up the next morning to find himself alone in the bed, his senses immediately alert to the absence of your presence. As he looked around, he noticed the emptiness of the space beside him, the sheets that were devoid of the warmth he somehow grew accustomed to in one night.

A mixture of longing and a bittersweet ache filled his heart, knowing that this encounter was meant to be just a fleeting moment in time. He couldn't help the tinge of sadness that settled in, his thoughts filled with memories of the passionate night you had shared.

As his gaze fell upon his wrist, Noir's lips curled into a tender smile. There, in a sweet and simple gesture, was evidence of your presence, a lipstick mark left behind—brown and distinct. A loving reminder of the connection you had forged.

He gently touched the mark with his fingertips, cherishing the moment captured within its staining color. It spoke volumes, a testament to the intimacy shared, the vulnerability and passion that had filled the night.

Knowing that nothing lasts forever, Noir held onto the memory of your time together, the way you had touched his heart, and the love that had surged between you. He vowed to carry this experience with him always, a cherished chapter in his life.

With the bittersweet taste of farewell lingering in his heart, Noir showed one last smile toward the lipstick mark on his wrist. It was a farewell, but also a silent promise to treasure the mark you left on his soul, forever grateful for the love and connection you shared, even if it was just for one unforgettable night.

ok so. hi!!! this has been in my drafts unfinished since summer so my hyperfixation on the Spiderverse has kinda died, so i wont be writing for the SV for a good while. it'll prob be back with the release of Beyond the Spiderverse. BUTTTTTTT im fixated on blue lock and Jujutsu Kaisen rn so i may write a little for those.

uhh requests open hmm idk what else i should add here

oh also the title is the link to the song i listened to during the making of this

M.list <— if you enjoy my silly works, I have more here!

[sylviesoothsayer22]

Well Matched - Chapter 5

Ranunculus Asiaticus Part II

Summary: Continuation of chapter 4.... Wei Wuxian now has to deal with the fact that he accidentally proposed to Ghost City's king...

Link for chapter 4: https://www.tumblr.com/sylviesoothsayer22/769679996158722048/well-matched-chapter-4?source=share

“That’s a serious accusation you’re making, Zhou.”

Almost every head snapped at the maple-robed youth who seemingly materialized out of nowhere. The only one not surprised was Black Flute, who already sat back down and helped himself to more wine. The uninvited guest was nonchalantly leaning against the betting table with his arms crossed. Giving the crowd a smile that was anything but kind.

“You know how this city treats cheaters, Old Man. Those who are dumb enough to get caught, anyway.” The final comment incited a few snickers here and there around the den.

Before Zhou could argue back, the youth casually grabbed the elder’s wine jar and took a mouthful from the unfinished jug. He sloshed the liquid back and forth in his mouth, swallowed and then shot Zhou a look of disdain.

“It’s not spiked. Lord Wuxian is simply no lightweight.” He snorts derisively. “Your tolerance is not what it used to be, Old Man.” Black Flute let out a laugh disguised as a cough behind his hand.

“And who the hell asked for your opinion?!” Zhou roared at the intruder. Utterly fed up with the situation. The youth raised a brow at the elder’s sheer stupidity.

“Are you a fucking idiot?!” Bái Māo cut in. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?! Look at his sword, you fool!” Old man does so and pales as soon as his eyes landed on the familiar weapon. A scimitar with a glowing red eye glaring back at the lesser ghost. Zhou wasted no time in kowtowing to Hua Chengzhu, tossing the keys of his winery at Wei Wuxian’s feet.

“Mercy, lord! This one did not kno-!”

“Scram.” Crimson Rain uttered in a bored manner. Lazily resting his hand on the pommel of a growling E’ming, immediately stilling it. Zhou did not waste any time and scurried out of there. All of Hua Cheng’s attention had already gone back to the younger ghost before him.

“I could’ve sworn I told you not to make a commotion.” He smirked.

“And I tried my best not to, my lord.” The younger ghost retorted cheekily “Have I already made a nuisance of myself, Chengzhu?”

“On the contrary, I found your antics rather charming.” He stated, not once looking away from those silver eyes. “It seems that I’ve picked quite the entertainer to be my wife.”

You could hear a pin drop from the brief silence that followed. Distantly, Hua Cheng heard the crowd break out into whispers among each other.

So, it is true?!

Black Flute actually gave Chengzhu his ashes?!

How has he not been dispersed yet?

Shhhhh!

Hua Cheng did not pay heed to the surrounding gossip. He was more drawn to how the younger ghost’s eyes widened briefly accompanied by a soft pink flush that started from the tip of his ears all the way down to his pale neck. His fingers twitched. Once more feeling the urge to preserve such a pleasant sight onto paper.

Suddenly, Wei Wuxian’s face split into a grin and he clapped back:

“Who are you calling wife?! Wasn’t it me who proposed?” He stared back at Hua Cheng, eyes twinkling “So, shouldn’t you be the wife, Chengzhu?”

The crowd gasped. Likely expecting their lord to punish the younger ghost for his insolence. Hua Cheng bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

Instead of answering right away, he took a few seconds to leer up and down at Lord Wuxian’s form before replying:

“Hmm. I think you’ll look much better in bridal robes compared to me.”

Feeling all eyes turn back to him, Wei Wuxian scrambled to retort: “…but wouldn’t I have to wear a veil?! How could you ask me to cover up my pretty face?”

“Well, aren’t we self-confident?” He drawled. “We can modify the wedding garb to suit your tastes.”

“How accommodating of you, my lord! I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve it.”

“Whatever you need, I’ll gladly provide.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile was now all teeth. He leaned forward and Hua Cheng got a good look at the tick mark swelling on the younger’s forehead.

“Well, what I need now…” He gritted “…is to take a look at my winnings. I’m afraid Old Man Zhou forgot to give me directions to his winery. Could my betrothed show me the way?”

Hua Cheng snickered under his breath.

“Certainly.” He held out his hand. Carefully gauging the younger man’s irritation as he reluctantly laced his fingers with his. The whispers died down as he led Lord Wuxian out of the den. Hua Cheng knew that they wouldn’t stay quiet for long. The news will have spread all over the city before sunrise.

The wind nipped at their faces as they strolled past the busy market places and vendors. The sound of their booted feet scuffing against gravel echoed louder in their ears as the two men inched further and further away from the hustle and bustle of the main streets of Ghost City into its more secluded alleyways. Hua Cheng glanced at an uncharacteristically quiet Wei Wuxian.

Judging by how angry he was, Hua Cheng thought that the younger ghost would snap at him the moment they were alone. But Lord Wuxian seemed to have lost his fire the moment they stepped out of the den. Eyes glazed over with a slight frown and arms crossed, he appeared to be lost in his own thoughts.

Either he’s the type to quickly cool off after he’s gotten angry or-

Hua Cheng noticed the slight tension in the younger’s shoulders. Indicating that something was weighing on his mind.

Or it’s not me he’s irritated with.

Hua Cheng decided to gently break Wei Wuxian out of his own head and softly uttered:

“Something on your mind?”

“Huh?” The younger quickly glanced at Crimson Rain before focusing on the road ahead.

“…. did you plan on making a public announcement of our little ‘engagement’ or were you hoping to embarrass me?”

“My lord, everyone in Ghost City knows about your little proposal thanks to the courtesan you befriended a few nights ago. I’m only sorry that I didn’t get to see the look on your face when you found out.”

Wei Wuxian let out a pained groan and covered his face.

“If I knew that she was going to gossip about it, I wouldn’t have said anything!” He groused. “What kind of idiot proposes without knowing?!”

“You, apparently.” Hua Cheng retorted without a hint of remorse.

The younger let out a pathetic whine in response. Hua Cheng could only chuckle.

“Hey, Chengzhu…” Wei Wuxian began. Eyeing the red ribbon still firmly wrapped around Crimson Rain’s wrist. There was a hint of vulnerability within his next words “This ‘engagement’ isn’t legally binding, right?”

Ah. There’s the crux of the problem.

“Why are you asking?” He teased “Is the idea of binding yourself to me repulsive?” Feeling wrongfooted, Wei Wuxian could only stutter. Hua Cheng watched the amusing display for a few seconds before looking away.

“My apologies. I didn’t mean to make it awkward between you and your lover.”

“I-I don’t have a lover!”

Hua Cheng tried not to show any outward reaction at this bit of news.

“No? Then continuing this little charade shouldn’t be too hard for you then.”

“But I didn’t actually propose! Why not clear it up with everyone?”

“I’m afraid that’ll only add more fuel to the fire.” Hua Cheng sighed in mock-exasperation “The idea of two Calamities having a passionate love-affair makes for more juicy gossip than one of them making a foolish mistake. They’ll just think you’re being coy.”

“You’re enjoying every second of this, aren’t you?” Wei Wuxian hissed, unable to quell his embarrassment over the situation.

“Yes.” He answered back with a shameless grin.

“Hmph! If I didn’t know any better, Chengzhu, I’d say you’re just using this misunderstanding as an excuse to flirt with me.”

“And what if I am?”

“Huh?!”

“What if I choose to flirt with you for the sole purpose of making you blush like you did back at the den?”

“Then-then I’ll just have to embarrass you back!”

“By all means, go ahead. It’ll take several hundred years for you to reach my level of shamelessness, Lord Wuxian.”

“We’ll see about that!”

Hue Cheng let out a slight laugh. He finally took pity on the younger man and changed the subject.

“How did you manage to get Bái Māo on your side? He’s normally the overly-cautious type.”

“…it wasn’t really that difficult. All I promised him was that he could help me embarrass Zhou and he was ready to follow my lead. Apparently, there’s some bad blood between the two.”

Hua Cheng responded with a thoughtful hum before asking:

“Was it your idea for him to be the first one to sample the wine?”

“People prefer not to do anything out of the norm, unless they see someone else do it first. I wanted to slowly gain the crowd’s trust instead of having them fear me. Bái Māo helped me achieve that.”  

“Clever.” Hua Cheng complimented. “Did you also ask him to rile up Zhou on purpose?”

“I figured that the two of us could annoy the Old Man enough if he started acting stubborn.” Wei Wuxian shrugged. “I didn’t think that you would decide to step in.”

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t jump to my betrothed’s defence?”

Wei Wuxian bit his lip. Refusing to rise to the bait. He couldn’t stop the blush colouring his ears, much to Hua Cheng’s delight.

“Offering everyone at the den a sample of the new wine was a nice touch as well.”

“Is Chengzhu going to give me more business advice?”

“No, you seem to be doing fine. For now.”

It was Wei Wuxian turn to be amused. The younger ghost let out a breathy laugh.

Both men continued walking in silence for a few more minutes until they finally arrived at their destination. The winery was old, rundown and clearly has not been well taken care of. Honestly, how Zhou expected to continue on with his job under these conditions and still make a profit was beyond Hua Cheng. He refused to waste space in his city for failing businesses.

“It’ll take some time to fully remodel the place.” He said, already making the arrangements in his mind. “If you need any help- what are you staring at?”

“You.” Was the quick response.

“I’m aware.” Hua Cheng replied dryly. “Why?”

Instead of answering right away, Wei Wuxian took a step closer in his direction. Silver eyes continued examining the older man’s visage, seemingly taking in every facial feature.

(He could feel E’ming let out a slight tremor in its sheathe. Hua Cheng gave it a warning squeeze.)

“I can’t help but wonder, how come you’re not showing anyone your true face these days?”

“It’s not uncommon for ghosts to take on a different appearance from time-to-time.” Hua Cheng answered nonchalantly.

“Judging by the rumours, I thought that Chengzhu would much prefer to stay in his original form.” A look of interest flickered on the elder ghost’s face.

“And just what did the rumours say about me?”

“Chengzhu, are you deflecting or fishing for compliments?”

Crimson Rain responded with a shrug. Wei Wuxian snickered under his breath and continued:

“ ‘A man with a face that is both handsome and feral, with skin as white as snow, along with a cruel smile and a lone red eye.’ ” He answered, as if he were reciting a line from an old book of fables. “Or something like that.” He deadpanned with a shrug of his own. Now impishly beaming at the elder.

Hua Cheng couldn’t hold back a snort.

“Nothing but over exaggerations. I didn’t take you for the kind of man to take gossip as fact.”

“Oh, don’t act all humble on me now.” The younger teased. Eyes alight with mischief. “What’s it going to take for you to show me?” Hua Cheng stared at the younger ghost for few seconds before slowly leaning into Lord Wuxian’s space until they were practically nose-to-nose, startling the younger ghost.

“If this is your attempt at ‘embarrassing’ me, I’m afraid your gonna have to try harder.” He leaned back and continued smugly “Not that it makes your efforts any less cute.”

“You..!”

At that moment, Hua Cheng felt his communication array open:

Chengzhu….

He held out a hand to stop Wei Wuxian from saying anything else as he listened to what Yin Yu had to say.

It appears that Qi Rong finally decided to express his displeasure over the new addition and has sent some of his lackeys to make a scene at the den. Shall I take care of them?

Hua Cheng let out an annoyed sigh. He could already feel a migraine crawling up his temples. Lord Wuxian was curiously staring at the silent Ghost King.

Leave some of them alive. I’ll send them back in pieces to the brat myself.

“It appears that we have to cut our conversation short.” He remarked and held back a smile as he could see the inquisitive Wei Wuxian barely stopping himself from questioning Hua Cheng’s odd behaviour.

“Leaving so soon? You haven’t even answered my question, yet!”

“Hmmm…. I’ll consider showing you my true face next time we meet.”

Before Wei Wuxian could retort, the alleyway was flooded by a sudden flash of light so blinding that he had to shield his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them again, Chengzhu was gone and there were only a few stray butterflies fluttering around. The younger ghost held out his hand, which prompted a curious butterfly to perch on his fingers.

“What a dramatic bastard...” Wei Ying whispered disbelievingly, biting his bottom lip to hold back the grin from taking over his face.

Not that I’m any better…

It wasn’t until later, when Hua Cheng had turned all of Qi Rong’s minions into a pile of meat and limbs on his -mostly empty- den’s floor did he recall E’ming’s strange reaction around Ghost City’s newest resident. He glared at the purring sword in his hand, satisfied that it had its bloodlust curbed.

“You like him, don’t you?” He accused. The damned thing hardly ever acted out of line until now. E’ming squinted its eye back at him.

As do you. It seemed to say.

Hua Cheng retaliated by flicking his fingers on that damnable eye.

Chapter End.

Omake:

WN: *stares at a spot on WWX’s head* Uhm. Wei-Gongzi…?

WWX: *Doesn’t even lift his head from whatever he’s working on* What is it, Wen Ning?

WN: Th-there’s something in your hair….

WWX: *blinks owlishly before making an oooh! sound* You mean the butterfly? Yeah. I tried to ditch it the other day, but it won't leave. *shrugs* Guess it’s living with us now.

WN: *wondering if Crimson Rain is spying on them as they speak* okaaay…..

Wraith-butterfly: *just chilling in the pretty man’s silky hair. He’s definitely nicer than its other master…*

Hope ya enjoyed! Be sure to leave a like and/or drop a comment!

Many thanks~

[haleyhunwritess]

Hello :) I’ve read some of your stuff and like it a lot 💖

I got a question if you take requests? Is there a possibility you could write something about best friend!Bucky where he comforts reader after her breakup? Maybe something about later finding out about her ex cheating on her towards the end of the relationship and way later Bucky and reader recognizing feelings of each other? I could use some teeth rotting fluff right now (and maybe some mild smut-) 🥲

🤍 drabble for reader confessing their feelings for best friend!bucky

a/n: hi love, thank you!! yes i currently am requests for the celebration, this is the last week to send in requests for the 1k celebration btw! i still have my requests open after this week but i won't be able to reply as quick, i hope you enjoy reading this, i know its a bit different from what you wanted but i hope you still like it <33

𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐲’𝐬 𝟏𝐤 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

"Stop fucking lying to me!" You exclaimed, throwing another one of Mike's shirts into his suitcase, "I don't want any more excuses, just take your shit and leave."

"Hey I pay the rent too, I'm not going anywhere!" He yelled, taking the suitcase away from you.

"Fine, I'll leave! I don't wanna spend another minute in this house anyways." You grabbed your purse and your car keys before walking out of the room, "I'll come get the rest of my stuff later."

You got into your car, before slamming the door shut. The second you closed the door, tears started flowing down your face. You can't believe he would do such a thing to you. You broke down in your car as you kept picturing them together. You caught him cheating on you with his co-worker. In your bedroom. While she was wearing your clothes.

You'd been away this week because of work, and you wanted to surprise your boyfriend by coming home. Instead he surprised you with another girl in your shared bedroom.

You hit the steering wheel with your fist in frustration while continuing to bawl your eyes out. Just then you noticed someone knocking on your window. You lowered the window, telling the person to go away, assuming it was Mike.

"Sweetheart, it's me. Are you okay?" You looked up at the sound of Bucky's voice. You quickly opened the car door and hugged him tightly. He quickly wrapped his arms around and quietly shushed you as began crying on his shoulder.

It took you a minute to calm down before you could tell him what had happened. You had to practically force him into your car after begging him not to go inside your house and beat up Mike. You begged him to just take you back to his place because you weren't ready to see Mike yet.

You decided to let him drive since you were in no condition to drive without crashing right now. The tears still hadn't stopped, even after he took you back to his place and helped you lie down on his bed. He told you to take a nap while he made something for you to eat.

Once Bucky left the room, you started to cry even harder. You wish you never even met Mike. You wish you were with Bucky instead. He would never treat you this way. He would never betray you like this. Most of all, he wouldn't let you go like Mike did.

You knew Bucky didn't feel the same way, however, so you decided to bury your feelings and try harder with Mike. You hoped that maybe one day you'd fall for Mike the way you did for Bucky but unfortunately that never happened. He chose another girl over you, and hell maybe you deserved it. Every time you were with Mike, you fantasized about Bucky. Every touch, every kiss from Mike, you wished it was Bucky instead.

Bucky heard you crying, and rushed in to comfort you. You continued to cry loudly in his arms as he tried to shush your cries. You looked up at him and mumbled, "This is all my fault."

You thought he wouldn't hear you but he did, "Petal, none of this is your fault, he's the one who decided to cheat, you didn't do anything."

You shook your head in response before mumbling, "It is my fault, I deserve this for thinking about you every time he touched me. Every time he kissed me, every time he held me, all I could think about was you. It is my fault, I deserve this. Especially because you don't feel the same way, and I get it, why would you?" You scoffed, pulling away from Bucky's arms.

He stayed quiet for a second before pulling you back into his arms and turning your face to look at him, "What did you just say?"

"N-nothing, I didn't say anything…Just forget about it…" You quickly realized what you had just said, and instantly started panicking. You had been so lost in your feelings, you didn't mean to say any of that. You didn't mean for him to find out.

"Don't slap me for doing this," He mumbled before pulling you in closer and brushing your lips against his. You froze for a second before starting to kiss him back.

You pulled away from the kiss, a bit confused at what just happened. He chuckled lightly at your reaction and pulled in again until you stopped him. For a second he started panicking, thinking he'd completely misread what you said. You did say you thought about him as well, right? The same way he thought about you, regardless of who he was with. You felt the same, right?

"You feel the same way I do?" You mumbled quietly, pulling him out of this thoughts.

Bucky nodded in response before taking your hand in his, "I do, I thought you wouldn't feel the same way because you love Mike…"

"I don't…" You confessed, quietly, "I never have. I was just with him because I thought I could forget about you."

Bucky's face fell as he heard the last bit of your confession. Did that mean you didn't want him anymore?

"But it never worked. I never stopped thinking about you but I didn't wanna say anything because our friendship means so much to me. I just knew you didn't feel the same way." You looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I feel the same way, sweetheart. You're all mine," He pulled you in for another kiss, pushing his soft lips against yours. You kissed him back, moaning slightly against his lips.

He was finally all yours, and you were his.

[tirisghost]

I don’t think I’ve ever really posted my writing on here, or at least not in a while. But I thought I might as well post this because why not?

It doesn’t really have a name or anything yet, it was written in maybe an hour tops because inspiration struck when I was thinking about some stuff in my own life lol.

Tw// abuse/implied abuse

=====================================

Yes, it fucking hurt when I fell from heaven; what did you expect? It’s a really long drop. This place isn’t really that far from hell, and it’s sinking.

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. Just like with humans, angels can have plenty of issues. We aren’t the perfect beings you might think. There’s a lot of really, really bad angels. And I’m probably one of them, at least some of the time. I deserved what happened.

Before I fell, one of my favorite things to do was fly. It was freedom. It was something I could find no other way, with how trapped I felt at home.

I was alone. My home was unsafe and the people didn’t really care about me. I’m sure that was for a reason. I’m sure had I flown away less and done what they wanted more, and better- maybe it would have been okay. I wouldn’t have been so alone.

But flying helped. Sure, it would have been nicer to just have a nice family. Sure, it would have been better to just become a better person. But… I don’t really know. It was nice while I could.

When I was down, I would fly. The wind and the light, so close to the beginning of everything and the furthest I could get from hell far below, where I could almost touch the top of the universe far above it all… it was perfect. It was a refuge.

The one place I could let go of my fears, and the one place I couldn’t go often, because of- things in my family that I won’t go into. I don’t want to add to the pain you must already go through, here on this planet so far from the perfection many strive for.

One day, I couldn’t go anymore at all. My family found out what I had been doing. They discovered how I had been escaping. I was theirs to do with as they wished, I was their offspring. So I did, for a while. They watched me closely, making sure I didn’t leave.

One day I saw a chance again. One day I tried it.

That was the day I lost my wings. Had them ripped from me. They had said I couldn’t. They had already warned me of the consequences. But I didn’t listen. I needed that escape, that moment outside of the pain, too badly.

So I flew. I didn’t even make it out of our home. I didn’t even make it to the door. I didn’t even manage to go even a little way into the sky which I loved so much.

They told me no. I did it anyways. I faced the consequences. I always faced the consequences. Sometimes, for nothing. But they had never hit me where it hurt so much before. They ripped away the part of me that let me be myself.

I couldn’t escape. Now I would have no chance. No choice.

That day, the despair became too much. So I fell. On purpose. I’m here, now. It hurt. To fall. It hurt to see how little they really cared. But now, even so much closer to hell, I have something I didn’t there.

Yes, I miss flying. I miss it like a fish would miss swimming. I miss it like a spider would miss weaving it’s beautiful, delicate web. I miss it like a flower would miss its bright colors. Flight was part of my purpose. A portion of who I am. So yes, I miss it.

But here I have… friends. People who don’t treat me how my family did. How I probably deserved. How I still treat myself. But they care about me.

I don’t know if any of them know I was an angel. I don’t know if any of them have seen the scars on my back, still fresh and painful as if it was yesterday. But they care. Even without the full me. Even with how broken I am. Even though I’ll never fly again. Even though I cannot be fixed. Even though I’m not deserving of any of it. They still are.

I may be so much closer to hell… but it’s almost like I’ve found heaven.

Maybe falling isn’t what hurt so much as giving up on ever receiving love. Maybe flying isn’t what felt good, so much as finding that love for myself. Maybe flying never felt as good as this does. Maybe, finally, I can be happy sometimes. Even if I don’t deserve it.

[wisteria-lodge]

burnt lion primary (modeling bird with badger system) + lion secondary (heavy badger model) (fun bird model)

Attempting to write this on my phone as my laptop charger is broken and the replacement doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I could just wait but I’m impatient and ADHD and I want to do this now. Anyways, I’ve been thinking of myself as a bird primary / snake model for a bit, but today I realized I might be badger, with a wide definition of “group,” and possibly a bird model? I’m sort of lost on secondary, though.

With this opening, I’m kind of thinking an In-the-Moment secondary rather than a Prep-work secondary.

Today I bought a homeless woman some food and sat down with her and gave her my number when she asked. My partner pointed out to me that this was incredibly unsafe. I blocked her but I feel so horribly guilty about it as I told her I’d go see her again in 2 days. Everyone is telling me that I need to prioritize my own safety, and I suppose logically I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from crying. I think I might live with this guilt for the rest of my life- and when I had that thought, it hit me that I could be a badger.

Hmm. There’s a lot to unpack here. I mean breaking a promise just feels shitty on a human level, and my instinct tells me there’s probably some third option - take someone with you when you go maybe. But it’s also totally possible there’s not. That’s not what I’m speculating on here.

In terms of this system, you helped someone out in what sounds like a totally unplanned, spur-of-the-moment kind of thing (which makes me think lion or snake, and I’m leaning lion because the honest directness of handing out your phone number.)

Then, your partner and “everyone” tells you that you went too far, and you go along with them, but feel really REALLY guilty. This tells me that either a) you’re not a Badger primary, and are in all likelihood probably a Lion, or b) you are a (universal) Badger primary in a community that defines “person” more narrowly than you do.

I thought I was able to adapt to new morals based on logic and incorporate them into my system, but it’s always based on what is just and fair for the group- other people.

Could still be Badger, or a Badger-flavored Paragon Lion.

I have a very hard time being able to do things for myself, even basic hygiene, which I know is just a mental illness thing and not necessarily a placement. But the relevant bit here is that it becomes ridiculously easy in comparison when I’m doing it for other people

You’re starting to sound like an Exploded Badger primary, who exists to help the group, and has a very hard time seeing themselves as valuable and worthwhile outside of the context of the group.

including (and tbh mostly) animals, who are ABSOLUTELY people. And I realized that it’s similar to how I feel towards the disenfranchised. Even that feels icky to say, I feel like I’m equating the homeless to animals??

It’s fine to say that animals and disenfranchised people are both groups that you feel strongly about. You keep coming back to doubting your instincts in an anxious way that makes me think semi-Burned Lion, rather than Bird. And even the slightly disconnected causes are pointing me in a Lion direction.

And that goes against my morals, the underprivileged are humans who deserve to be treated as such and often aren’t because rich people are fucking assholes. I feel very, very strongly about helping those in need

Yeah, I can really, really see that. In a way that truly makes me wonder why Lion was the one primary you didn’t consider for yourself.

and those who depend on me.

It’s possibly you might have some loyalist primary model going on. But I don’t think you’re a loyalist.

I am too naive and trusting when it comes to this particular subject, and cynical in almost everything else. This is also why I am strongly against the idea of personally having children. I do not trust myself to do it correctly.

“I do not trust myself” “I am too naive” “I am too cynical” “that feels icky” “I’ve been told logically that I’m wrong but I’m still crying.”

I don’t know what to tell you. You have strong feelings, a lot of them, but do not trust them (are told you can’t tust them.) You’re a Burnt Lion. You’ve probably latched to someone (probably your group or specifically your partner) as an external morality, which is a total Burnt Lion thing. This - ow, it hurts to read. These things you think about yourself, I see no evidence at all that they’re true.

If i am a badger primary, the 1% do not fit into my definition of “people,” though I know logically they are.

Again “logically” makes an appearance. “Logically I should feel this… but I don’t.”

I do not wish violence against anyone as I feel it is morally wrong, but I also wouldn’t be upset of any of them croaked.

This is much more a lion’s “I don’ t feel anything about them” and less a Badger’s “they’re monsters.” The word you used was “assholes” and that’s honestly very humanizing.

I feel like my sense of logic and emotion are at odds sometimes. I often think that things I feel are “wrong” or “unfair” or “unjustified”

burnt, burnt, burnt, burnt

even though years of therapy have told me that’s not true.

Oh good. I’m glad you’ve got somebody to talk to. Good for you.

I feel like my bird and badger tendencies are so wrapped up in each other it gets hard to differentiate.

You’re a Burnt Lion (who often look like stressed out Birds) in a very Badger (probably Exploded Badger) community.

But, more relevant, I often feel like my negative emotions towards other people are unfair and horrible and wrong.

You’re allowed to have negative emotions! They keep you safe! This is true for everyone, but especially true for a Lion primary.

At my core I value others more than myself. It has been a challenge to work through this, and the only motivation I have is that other people get upset when I constantly talk about how guilty I feel for having emotions.

Somebody did a number on you. At this point you couldn’t be more textbook Burnt Lion if you *tried.*

This leads me into possibly a bit of snakiness?

I have no idea where you’re getting Snake. I mean, Snake would be good for you. A Snake model would help you immensely.

“Exploded snake” greatly resonates with me, but this is due to my trauma and BPD. I often have A Person that all of this “I cannot do things for myself but I will do everything for other people” is very concentrated towards. But again this is a mental illness thing so I see it as more of an unhealthy unintended model, not sure though.

My friend, what you have is a coping mechanism. You pour yourself into someone else so you’re not able to worry about yourself, and you have control over (and feel good about) this aspect of your life, at least.

It’s not Exploded Snake. Exploded Snakes, even at their most extreme, might become co-dependent, but they don’t lose themselves in people like this.

I also really resonate with bird in the way that I really value knowledge. The only real positive thing I can consistently muster up to say about myself is that I’m intelligent. I struggled a lot in school due to trauma and untreated ADHD and the works, but I’m aware that I am smart. It still feels sort of wrong to say that, like I’m being too conceited, but I’ve worked on accepting it as fact. I’m a nerd with a large vocabulary, lots of trivia, and some special interests I hoard information on like a bird. (Mainly cats and bugs. If you werr curious. You probably weren’t.

Look. I do these because I like people. I’m interested in people. I like seeing how different they are from each other, and I like seeing how they’re the same, and I like seeing how they tick. You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to be so very self-deprecating.

I appreciate the honestly though, and I appreciate that you are actively taking steps, and doing everything you need to do to get going. If I were to take a guess, it would be that at one point your secondary was a whole lot more burnt than it is now. It’s doing pretty good now. But there’s still some gunk and muscle memory left over from before. That’s how it’s reading to me anyway.

As for the system, definitely at least a fun bird model. That’s the neurodivergent classic.

If I’m wrong about something, it can be embarrassing but I feel I can recover and incorporate it into my system.

That’s honestly human stuff. (But you’re using Bird language to say it. I don’t think you’re a Bird though. I think you *like* birds.)

However this is only the case if it benefits other people / adds to my understanding in a way that makes me a better person towards others. This is why it can be so hard for me to accept that I am wrong about myself on certain things.

You’re perfectly confident in your ability to reason. It just… doesn’t totally make a difference when it really comes down to it, does it? Because what I’m reading about is a system not changing.

I feel that not punishing myself is a disservice to others.

That’s Dobby the House-Elf logic. I know I’m being harsh, but I’ve got pages and pages of old diary entries romanticizing guilt, calling it noble, calling it protective, glorifying making yourself the suffering central sacrifice. And I had to be banged over the head over and over and OVER again, before I realized that… I wasn’t that special. Which was an epiphany of terror, and relief.

I have been told over and over this is not healthy but I really cannot help it. I think I’ve made progress? But only because my partner broke up with me because of it and told me I had to get my shit in order before we got back together. So that core is still there, it’s still entirely externally motivated.

Look, external motivation is still motivation. I’ll take it.

The reason I thought I modeled snake was because I mask my autism and everything else very heavily, and attempt to assimilate very heavily.

Despite the (unfortunately) identical terminology, snake masking and autism masking are completely different things.

I don’t feel like it’s a bird secondary acting, as it feels so natural to me at this point. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation I’ll realize I’m completely mirroring the other participants, saying things I don’t actually believe, etcetera. It is really so natural, it happens almost every conversation.

Snakes do that sort of thing consciously. This sounds like Courtier Badger mirroring (and you do use the word mirroring, so I figure you’ve probably worked that out.)

At the same time though, I do not know what substance there is to mask- it feels empty, like I’m constantly searching for the bottom of an endless ocean. I know that is incredibly cheesy and, God Forbid, bateman-esque. I can assure you I do not kill people. 😋

I think you identify with Patrick Bateman because he is a person that is an externally defined surface. He doesn’t know what business card design he actually likes, it probably never even occurs to him that he should buy something because he likes it. He does things because they’re correct (even if he doesn’t know why they’re correct.) But clearly he does have all this feeling that has been sublimated beneath the surface, and because he’s in a movie it comes out in his murder-sprees.

If I were to sort Patrick Bateman, I would say that he’s an extremely Burnt Lion who is deep inside a very toxic Badger community. And a Lion secondary, with that ax and chainsaw and everything. OBVIOUSLY American Psycho is a hyper-exaggerated, stylized film… but no, I’m not surprised that you see a blown-up version of yourself in him.

I feel it is something I learned as a coping mechanism. But maybe it’s inherent to who I am now and I’m actually a snake secondary? No idea.

I actually don’t think your secondary is burnt. I think is more… drifting, because your primary isn’t pointing it at anything. And just the fact that you are drifting is making me say Lion secondary over Badger secondary (which is the other possibility. But you seem kind of uncomfortable using your Badger, even though it is effective.)

Just work on liking things. That’s your homework. Just little things. Low stakes things. Pick a new phone background. Smell some candles and pick the one you like best. Go to the movie theater alone, and get a ticket to the movie you want to see most.

Small self trivia that may be relevant? I love solving mysteries and puzzles and I avoid media spoilers like the plague. This is because if I have a tiny bit of information I will often overthink it so badly that I end up interpreting the whole damn plot and then the movie isn’t even enjoyable. Especially when people offhandedly mention something I’m not supposed to guess is important, but of course it’s important if they’re telling me about it ?!?! So I can extrapolate from there and ruin the whole thing for myself. I wish to god I could turn this off but I can’t. It’s not something I model, it’s something inherent to how my brain works and it’s ANNOYING.

I’m not allowed to watch Twilight Zone episodes with my family anymore, and they still haven’t forgiven me for guessing the ending of Planet of the Apes ten minutes in. I think this kind of stuff just comes with having a foundation in media analysis and a puzzle-brain.

But at least I have fun when I’m not totally spoiled. Related: if I had to pick any superpower at all, it would be omniscience. I want to understand every universal truth there is. I want to know everything.

Oh come on, you can’t pick “I want to be god,” as your answer to the super power game. At least say that you want to achieve enlightenment or something.

But astrophysics and all that jazz is way too hard.

I have zero doubt that if you were interested in astrophysics, you could get a pretty damn good working knowledge of astrophysics.

On a smaller scale sometimes I fantasize about doing the long con on the US government and becoming a dutiful public worker just to get into the inner circles and get access to all the secrets`. 😂 But morally speaking I could NEVER do what needs to be done to get you there.

I’m going to say that this is a very Lion Badger fantasy in the specifics. Slide under the radar for years and years, get people to trust you… and then when you have the dirt on everyone, BOOM - Lion primary activates. But *overall* - it’s a revolutionary fantasy, and that’s Double Lion.

I’m trying to come up with more information for a possible secondary but I really am coming up blank. I hope there’s some key information up there that’s a secondary placement hiding in wait. Sorry for the long post. I hope you at least have fun with it! I love snappy personality systems like this, it was at least fun to write.

PS - After reading some more I am thinking snake might be less of a model and more of a secondary I simply took some time to grow into and use effectively. I have always struggled with feeling like a bad person for sometimes prioritizing groups over others- I got myself into a lot of middle school drama for trying to climb the social ladder and ditching some good friends in the process. Which, you know, hilarious in retrospect because it was middleschool, not corporate.

Awww. Baby glory hound lion.

I was a compulsive liar when I was younger, trying to get people to like me and to be a part of the group. I used to be convinced I was a master manipulator when I was really just an autistic kid trying to survive and not be othered (which was worse than death at the time.) I still struggle with this, seeing people as social ladder points.

Hmm. You know, this definitely DOES sound like a Badger secondary model.

I don’t know if my mask ever comes off around other people, but after moving out from my (mildly emotionally abusive) parents and living with my aunt I can see myself becoming more blunt and less pandering.

GOOD. That seems like it was 100% the right move for you. And part of that bluntness is you getting to be more comfortable not masking… but you know. I haven’t seen you use it really, but I do suspect you may have some Lion secondary under there.

[lixiebokie]

through his lens

———————————————————————

idol: stray kids hyunjin x reader

photographer!hyunjin x artist!reader

———————————————————————

chapter 3: hyunjin has his eye on someone

📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼

first classes rolled around quicker than expected. the group had took time apart to focus of studies for the first week, well expect hyunjin who found a way to sneak into the art studio to each lunch with y/n every day.

hyunjin was into art just as much as her. but didn’t see it as a career more as a hobby. which is a way he distinguished his love for photography being much heavier.

hyunjin picked up his first camera when he was 8. it was a disposable one his mother brought him while they were at jeju. he wanted to take pictures but wasn’t old enough to have a phone.

the sunset was the first thing that caught his eye. it was a orangey, red swirly pattern. the picture wasn’t the best quality considering he was a child using a shitty disposable camera but it didn’t stop him from hanging it from the bunting in his dorm room just above his bed. he used a small vloging type camera until he was 15, when he finally got a professional camera. he got it for christmas, it was big heavy and expensive. he was sure it costed like 1,000,000 won or something.

his father was against the idea of buying such an expensive camera for a teenager. ‘it would get broken in seconds’ but hyunjin proved him wrong as it is the same camera he used today.

y/n on the other hand had been exposed to art her whloe life. from crappy kids arts sets that would keep her away from her mothers expensive art studio, up to now we’re she wanted to persue it as a career. her mother owned a flower shop in town. it wasn’t the most popular so she spent most her time sketching the items in there. y/n spent her weekends there, if she wasn’t at hyunjins house. her mothers drawing started to get noticed and rather than coming for the flower people would visit the shop to buy portraits of them. her mother long sold the shop but now spends her time as an etsy artist as her job.

of course y/n didn’t want that job. she wanted to be some big artist, maybe like bob ross or something. or she could have her own art exhibition, now that was her dream. or maybe do a collab with a fashion brand, but she was thinking too far ahead.

unlike hyunjin, y/n can’t remember her first drawing probably some one in her family, maybe it was hyunjin. she doesn’t know but who would want to keep some kids shitty drawing anyway, it was probably stashed in her mothers room somewhere.

when the group finally decided to meet up again it was strange.

they met at the school canteen to discuss any plans they had on the weekend. seungmin had brought his roommate, and new friend, felix who fit in straight away. he was australian like chan, so it was nice to have something to remind them of him.

“told you they’d be together.” seungmin pointed to the two of sliding into their seats.

“how many days did you go without seeing each other?” neither of them answered instead taking the drinks, that seungmin had order for them, into their mouths.

“im guessing none then,” he rolled his eyes. “anyway we need to discuss what we’re doing this weekend. the first week of uni coming to an end deserves a treat so maybe we could go to the bar down the street or go out to the bowling alley in town?”

seungmin was the one to organise plans, it use to be chan but after finding out he wouldn’t be with them in uni, he decided to take over the role. and he fucking good at it, he always knew about the best places to eat or found the best hang out spots. they’d only been here less than a week and he already had the city mapped out.

“hm, maybe bar. i need a drink after the week i’ve had.” y/n sighed pushing her head off hyunjins shoulder and into her hands.

“the week you had? you paint all day it’s not stressful.” jiha scoffed placing down her phone. y/n looked up around the table swapping frowns with the others.

“that was so uncalled for.”

“im just saying how stressful could that be? take dress code for example, you get to wear whatever old scraps you have laying around, me on the other hand has to wear a blouse and skirt everyday. meaning i have to get home everyday wash this, dry it, iron it before i even get to relax.” she pointed down to the pink skirt and white blouse under her black blazer.

“jiha it’s not a competition.” hyunjin spoke from across the table.

“yeah you were the one who picked to study law. they aren’t going to force me to wear my best clothes just for them to get ruined.”

“im just saying you have no right to say you had stressful week painting, that doesn’t even make sense.”

seungmin rolled his eyes. “okay, bar it is i think jiha needs a drink down her.”

“hey you alright?” hyunjin asked swinging their hands back and fourth as the group walked back to the dorms.

hyunjin wanted to walk y/n alone so that he ask her what was up with jiha. but he could exactly tell his friends to leave without sounding like a bitch himself.

“yeah, you?” hyunjin hummed.

“yeah! by the way, i don’t think your clothes look like scraps.” y/n smiled. hyunjin always knew what was wrong, and after jihas comment she felt like she looked disgusting.

“thanks jinnie.”

“are they together?” felix whispered to seungmin even though they were further behind the two.

“no!” seungmin made a cross with his arms. “they hate when people say that. i’m warning you never say that infront of them y/n will have a fit.”

“when doesn’t she?” jiha commented.

—

the bar was full but it was a friday night so who would have guessed. they had found their way into getting a booth for felix knowing someone who worked there. and soon as they sat down all were drinking and trying to forget the past week they had.

jiha was trying to find someone to talk to for the night which y/n thought was abit strange. her and jisung had broken up less than a month ago and she was already moved on. but she wasn’t jiha so she had no right to but into her choices.

“seungmo take a picture of me and y/n for insta please.” jiha passed him her phone pulling the other girl in a close but loose hug and posing.

it felt like jiha had gone back to her old self. the happy self she was when she was with jisung, not the sarcastic, rude jiha that had been there all week.

maybe she was just stressed.

“isn’t he cute, maybe you should go talk to him?” jiha suggested to a blonde boy in the corner.

he was cute, but she wasn’t attracted to him.

“looks like hyunjins eyeing someone.” felix snickered pointing to the boy who had his attention taken by some girl in the crowd.

he turned looking back at the others.

“you like blue dress? go talk to her!” y/n shoved her trying to get him to stand and leave the table.

“blue? that’s nessa she’s in class. she’s so sweet and definitely your type!” jiha shouted over to him.

hyunjin stood looking at the others and saluting. “i’ll see you later.” he walked off with a powerful stride to go see her.

hyunjin always had been confident talking to girls because he’d always been noticed by girls. since he hit puberty, he’d never been rejected and constantly asked out. his last girlfriend was a year and a half ago when he was 17. sadly not many of his relationships worked out because they didn’t like how close he was with y/n.

but he wasn’t going to ditch his best friend of 19 years for someone he’s knew for a couple of months.

y/n was the opposite, she wasn’t ever asked out or anything. maybe it was because she was so shy or the fact she was a nerdy looking person until she was 16, when she finally started caring about her appearance. she got rejected by her first crush when she was 14 and who was there to comfort her? hyunjin.

“hey i’m gonna go talk to the blondie i’ll text you what happens.” jiha winked to y/n before walking over to the one who she’d tried to set her up with 5 minutes prior.

somehow throughout the night seungmin had wandered his way into another friend group. he knew some of them from his classes. y/n only knew one of them from her art class, his name jungkook or something.

it was only her and felix left.

felix was really nice, he wasn’t awkward and asked questions that were genuinely interesting.

“so how long have you known hyunjin?”

“my whole life basically, we grew up together.”

felix nodded. “i wish i grew up with someone i was really close to.”

“it’s great, but i guess im lucky he’s stuck with me.” y/n turned looking at hyunjin who was with girl from earlier trying to eat her.

“you’re really nice you know y/n no wonder hyunjin stayed with you. you’re really close.” felix chuckled awkwardly.

“thanks, we get that.. a lot.”

felix grew up in australia so when he moved he left all his friends and had to go out and make more friends in college. but he wasn’t really close to them. he was really glad he met seungmin on the first day. he finally had friends again.

y/n felt like she was talking to chans little brother.

not because they were both australian and definitely not physically as chan was a muscly teddy bear unlike felix but because they both had that comfort in the way they talk. neither of them were loud, would rather sit in slience. they were both the type of people you would go to if you needed advice. y/n hadn’t asked felix for any yet but she knew the day shed needed to he would be there for her.

y/n found out felix was studying IT. he wants to be a game designer, he spent his childhood playing games and would love a job designing them.

felix reminded her so much a chan she couldn’t get his face out of her head while talking to him.

“you’re really pretty you know.” felix played with her hair. she giggled smiling at him, she wasn’t use to getting compliments especially from attractive people so she couldn’t help but blush.

felix leaned in slightly, she could feel his breath on her face. it was happening so fast he was so close to her, and she was panicking. why was she panicking? she found felix attractive and no doubt had been flirting with him for the past hour so why was she so against this?

his lips barley touched hers, it was light she barley felt before she pulled away.

“um sorry.. it’s late, i should.” she moved away making felix scoot back.

“im so sorry.. i didn’t mean.”

“no it’s fine i’m just gonna go find seungmin, i’ll see you around lix.” she smiled rushing off.

she went home that night, throwing off her shoes and climbing into bed. she tried to reach chan over facetime but he must have been busy, chan wasn’t one to sleep and they were still basically in the same time zones.

she cried when chan didn’t pick up, she missed him.

she wanted to see him but lucky she got a text saying he’d call her in the morning.

hyunjin had went home with felix. felix didn’t bring up what happened. he was convinced she’d ran off because she liked hyunjin. he knew seungmin told him not to think they were cute together and how she pushed him to go talk to that girl but something in his mind was telling him different.

hyunjin ended up splitting from that girl, one of her friends had slipped up how she already had a boyfriend and hyunjin would like to keep his beautiful face in one piece.

he didn’t know were y/n ran off to with seungmin but when he asked felix, he said she must of had too much to drink. he wondered if he was being too obvious. should he speak to hyunjin? they were best friends.. but apart of felix told him to stay quiet about what has happened that night.

📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼📸🌼

[fairycosmos]

i’m in pain knowing my family, my mom mostly, loves me but they don’t like me. they don’t see me as anything important, they don’t care to know me, they don’t really care if i’m around or if i’m not, they’d only care if i finally killed myself and even then it breaks my heart to think about how they’d remember me. none of them have ever really had good things to say about me and i wonder if that’d change. i want to hope so, i’ve always hoped i was a good person and i feel like everyone else who’s loved me has reminded me i am, but my family never could. they never saw me that way and my mom hated who i was for as long as i can remember, even as a child. i have 4 siblings so it’s hard too because i know it’s not just who she is, it’s something about who i am, and i know her perception doesn’t define me but it never made it easier to live with that.

it’s been harder lately and yesterday she told me how unpleasant i am to live with, and she thinks i’m living here to make her miserable to make up for my miserable childhood (lol) so i left her alone, i didn’t see her the rest of the day but i just saw she went to the store and bought my favorite fruit )): things like that make it all harder to understand, and i feel guilty because i don’t feel like i deserve anything from anyone, despite knowing it’s not all my fault. i wish i could fix everything. life has seemed sadder than ever the past couple months.

+ i just sent an ask about my mom buying me my favorite fruit n it was just a vent but i kinda wanted your insight on that part of it, it seems like smth you’d understand?? only sending this one to let you know it was “important” (i know you say to do that if you miss it) just in the sense that i’m looking for someone to talk about it a bit i guess idk this is just word vomit now but i love youuu n thank you for reading bby hope you have a good day 💘

hi love, i'm really sorry you have to put up with this sort of thing from your own family. i know that living with this sort of dynamic from those closest to you, esp during your formative years, can genuinely fuck up your sense of self-wroth and your perception of what you deserve, and i don't want to minimize that by offering platitudes or easy solutions. but i did want to say that the way your family treats you is not a reflection of you, and they do not get to dictate whether or not you're a good person or whether or not you're loveable. obviously, it's completely natural to want to be truly seen and appreciated by them, and it's totally understandable that not having access to that bond is incredibly painful. it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to learn to live with, and it often makes adulthood even harder than it already is. but just because they're not able to be a healthy support system for you, doesn't mean you don't deserve one. doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. and it might feel like bullshit for a long time, trying to convince yourself of that, because maybe your self-esteem isn't the highest due to everything you've been through - but it's true. knowing that doesn't make it easier, but grounding yourself in that truth whenever you begin to spiral into self-hatred will keep you from drowning in it. and i'm not trying to diminish how hard this must be for you, because it is absolutely not fair that you've had to live your life feeling like your family wouldn't even care if they lost you - that is incredibly sad to hear, and i'm so sorry. it sounds like your mother has issues that stem back from before you were born, honestly, and the fact that she could raise one of her kids to feel that way is indicative of her emotional immaturity more than anything. i think the people who have loved you how you deserve to be loved were able to do that because you ARE a wonderful person who is worthy and deserving and good.

anyway, i know you wanted my thoughts on the second half of this, i just wanted to be honest with you ab this message. the bit about the fruit - i do understand that, a lot. i think a lot of people who have complex relationships with their mothers do, and that's what makes it all so hard. it would be much easier if we could just say we hate them and move on, wouldn't it? but there's so much between a parent and a child that makes it impossible to do that, in many cases at least. i think it's important to acknowledge that numerous things can be true at once while trying to process your feelings for her. it's true that she hasn't treated you very well, it's true that she cares for you and your wellbeing deeply (though not in a way that you may always understand, and not that that excuses any of the shit shes put you through), it's true that you don't feel like she appreciates you for who you are and you're mad at her for that, it's true that you crave recognition from her at the same time. these emotions might seem contradictory and confusing but they're all just a part of the nuance and of the complicated relationship you have with her. it's entirely possible to be grateful for the fruit and still acknowledge that you deserve better than this. which you do, and it's alright if you can't quite believe that right now, but i hope you get the chance to work on it w a professional at some point so you're able to start viewing the situation from a place of support for yourself, and not from a place of disdain. your brain is partially a product of how you were raised and so you can't always trust what it feeds you, you know? anyway, i'm sorry this got long and i'll quit rambling now, but yeah - i really do get this and you're truly not alone in it. if you ever need a friend or anything, give me a message. love u love angel and please take care of yourself. mwah x