#anyway. not gonna do that. gonna write a bit more then post some christmas presents then buy another then go to work

[ace-malarky]

okies one present down aha

I have not done much writing this last month!! I did not find the balance with dragon age oops

I also have a job app to do this next couple of weeks :((

but the present I still have is the fun bitey Maverick one hehehe so I can take breaks to reward myself

also I'm like two pages off finishing this notebook and ok technically yes there are other pages I'm going to fill before considering it fully finished but like. It's been less than a year! I finished a whole notebook in a year! absolutely ridiculous what is up with that

very funny to me that the first thing in here is dnd and the last thing will also be dnd. cyclical y'know I dig it

[xxswagcorexx]

the swagcore fic archives will become real in 5:

anyways, hi, i write too much fanfic, but a lot of it is on anon. i know a lot of people go to me for fic recs (you can see a post with More fic recs here) and i'm happy enough with my fics to recommend them to people :) also for funsies i'm gonna put small author's notes after each entry!

the stuff with my name on it:

Swap by cherubium and swagcore

[CLICK] [Jaron]: Statement of Ash…Swag, regarding events surrounding his husband, Red Doons. Statement recorded live from subject on April 4th, 2023, recording by Jaron Yeager from the LIFE Insitute, London,...Ohio. Statement begins. [Ash]: Are you seriously gonna be recording on that? or: a fic written for day 2 of roses and smoke week, swap/horror.

A/N: a collab fic I did with the lovely cherny! all i'll say is that we might have lied a little bit in the beginning notes. heh.

the sleep buoyancy investigation by swagcore

While Fundy walks around his street, he notices an odd poster about researching dreams. Having weird dreams all of his life and with nothing else to do, Fundy grabs the contact information and heads to the address. What possibly could go wrong? - "the sleep buoyancy investigation" is an experimental fic made with Twine. This fic is based on the Stargate Project, a now-defunct project by the CIA to study psychics. Word Count: ~3k

A/N: this fic was so so fun to do. my god. it really gave me my first taste of really experimental fics and that is something i've been playing around with! i do have an idea in mind for another fic like this (which is one of the first fic ideas i had when going into the lifesteal fandom) so! i'm excited for when i actually put my head down and write it!!!

from a windowsill by swagcore

It’s a cold night tonight. As Pearl stares out to the moon, feeling the wind through the tower’s rafters and the howls of the hound army roar from below her, she squints her eyes. There’s supposed to be a blood moon tonight. or: it's late at night, and pearl has some thoughts about the blood moon (and herself)

A/N: i'm going to be real, i'm a dl!pearl sleeper agent. i love her so much and her character is sooooo....*dies*.......she makes me ill!

late night break-ins and henna by swagcore

Ash visits Soc Inc. at the very normal hour of 3 AM on Christmas to give Red a Christmas present.

A/N: fun fact, i wrote most of this on an ipad at one of those friend reunions my dad had with his friends 💀 we were like 8 hours away from our house so i couldn't exactly leave so while on vc with my good friend toast we worked on fics together LOL she's actually the one who came up with the water bottle thing. it was awesome

misc collabs i did:

insufferable hand in insufferable hand by Anonymous

ashswag and reddoons get married in a very thought out, entirely sound plan.

A/N: this was a collab wiith np13, who you might know from "all of the roads led to you". it was actually working on this fic at first, i mentioned wanting to write a swagdoons divorce fic, and it brought me on the team to work on this one. this fic was so silly to work on and i had a great time writing it!!!

the various anon fics i have written:

one and a half cups of stout by Anonymous

Bdubs and Etho leave a party and are now burdened with the task of grocery shopping for cake ingredients. - (or: etho drags bdubs to his apartment so they can bake together)

A/N: god this fic was so fun and fluffy to write. i love baking in general, and the amount of detail i managed to put into this fic and how cozy-feeling it is is something i'm really proud of. fun fact, it's my most viewed and kudosed fic of all time, as well as the first fic i felt really, really proud of!

pommes voyage by Anonymous

headcanon that ren started making potatoes like crazy, like to the amount doc started to check up on him - originally a post meant for tumblr

A/N: this fic was really fun to write as well. it was supposed to be a tumblr post, but i got really carried away (and when i sent a screenshot of it into a gc my friend replied with "that is terrifying", and i decided to leave it as a standalone fic instead of a post) and it's a fun fic to read, methinks

and maybe, you'll find peace in the sun by Anonymous

During the time [x] escapes prison for the dozenth time, [s]he takes a quick detour to pick up some supplies. or: [x] finds an unguarded house in the woods, stealing ingredients so [s]he can make some stew

A/N: alright so, as a disclaimer, this was a fic written before ivorycello transitioned, but for archival purposes, i haven't changed it. for this post, i've made it clear what part i've changed. i'm still proud of this fic, in general, and ivory has since said that her past persona doesn't bother her anymore, so that's why i've included it here. once again though, read with those warnings in mind

the sun vanished by Anonymous

The stars revolve around Planet. It's their little secret, and most don't know enough about the stars to be able to notice. That's why, when they got banned, no one noticed that the sun vanished.

A/N: my first lifesteal fic! i really, really like the ideas in this fic and how i've conveyed them. fun fact i wrote most of this while in the car from homecoming--but i'm really proud with what i managed to beat out considering ost of it was written in a car backseat

dust by Anonymous

After winning Double Life, Pearl has some thoughts about the end of the world while looking at the death menu.

A/N: this fic is AWESOME i love minecraft death screens and like i said before, i'm a dl!pearl enjoyer to the MAX. it's also the first fic i ever had translated, and it was such a nice surprise to see it was translated in my email inbox that morning <3

jackalope by Anonymous

have you heard the myth of the jackalope? (of course you have. who am i kidding.) --- or: a character study on rekrap, as told by the myth of the jackalope

A/N: this was originally for a comic that was, looking back, wayyy too ambitious for my art skill level LOL. i've been brewing it in my brain for a while (hell, even my english teacher at the time looked over at it), and i still find it fun to read. once again, experimental fics ftw!

take your time, we've got all night by Anonymous

It’s rare to find quiet moments like this–moments safe enough for Ash and Red to get some sleep without either of them going on looking shifts. It’s a luxury in the apocalypse. And yet Red still couldn’t get his mind to shut up and let him sleep. Great. or: red can't sleep during the apocalypse. he wakes ash up and both of them spend the night talking about their pasts.

A/N: i'm already a huge sap in the notes, but this is, arguably, one of the most important fics i've ever written. for context, i wrote this while i was really down due to my entire family but me getting covid right before my finals and our winter vacation, so that left me alone in my room for 2 weeks. i was really down, especially since i couldn't spend christmas with my family as a result. however, writing this gave me something to pass the time, and the reception on it when i posted during a dark time in my life really helped. it's also the first swagdoons fic i've ever posted, so there's that too :) also, one of the comments of someone going back to read it a few months later also came while i was in a rough patch, so that really helped <3

four of a kind by Anonymous

Ash, Branzy, Clown, and Red close up the casino for the week.

A/N: first of, CASINOQUARTETCASINOQUARTETCASINOQUARTET- and fun fact, this is one of the first fics written after casino quartet first became a Concept (which. considering i first came up w/ the concept in the swagdoons server is. Yeah <- ill) so that's rlly fun to see how big casino quartet has become considering i see it in random places now LOL

l'appel du vide by Anonymous

If there’s anyone that knows Death, it’s him. or: sven escapes death, and still feels the void linger around him. and he has some thoughts about it.

A/N: i loveeeee minecraft death mechanics holy moly....anyways yeah this fic was so fun to write and the concepts are *chefs kiss*. it's also the first fic in the kenadian fandom tag so there's that too!

5 years, eleven months, and seventeen days by Anonymous

It's been 5 years, 11 months, and 17 days since they went missing. or: laurance is still investigating his friends' disappearances. even after all of this time. (he can't seem to move on, can he?)

A/N: this fic was a gift for my bestest friend ever :3 i'm going to be real it's been like, 6+ years since i watched mystreet but my friend reminded me of how fucked it was and i felt really included to write this. i loveeee fucked up implications in fiction!!!

jenga tower by Anonymous

"Dude-" Ash says through a wheezed breath, "Do you think this a little much?" Clown hums, "Mmm, no. I think you're just fineee." "Exactly," Red chimes in, definitely not helping the 'hey wouldn't it be funny if we all laid on Ash?' cause. or: casino quartet turn into a human jenga tower. for roses and smoke week, free day

A/N: once again. casino quartet brainworms strike again. i think this is the only fic i finished in time for the first roses and smoke week LOL. it's very fluffy and i still think it holds up. yeah they'd be Like That

what's the point of living if you can't die with someone else, huh? by Anonymous

"you mentioned about me going back home, right?" ash nods, eyebrow raised with suspicion. "well," red starts, "i think i said this last season: 'what's the point of living if you can't die with someone else?'" red gets up from the floor, "and you haven't used your god powers much," he says as he offers ash a hand to get off the floor. "dude." ash can exactly see what red's asking. or: alternatively titled: who knew killing your bestie with god powers could be so affectionate?

A/N: i love love love sappy swagdoons so much. this fic was so fun to write all of their memories and stuff. i love them so much i want to pinch both of their cheeks so bad!!! <333

a late night conversation about a stolen horse (and a few other things) by Anonymous

Red's going out for a supply run, and runs into Ash. They have a conversation about a stolen horse (and a few other things).

A/N: once again, sappy swagdoons. i love them so much. i'm going to be real a lot of this was inspired by this one survival guide book that i've had for literal years. i've kept it with me for fic purposes but when i was little i did read through it out of boredom so i do have a little bit of knowledge, which inspired this fic LOL

the thing about ash: by Anonymous

A glitch (as defined by Wikipedia) is a short-lived fault in a system, such as a transient fault that corrects itself, making it difficult to troubleshoot. In an article by Alex Pieschel, Pieschel writes that a "'glitch' suggests something more mysterious and unknowable inflicted by surprise inputs or stuff outside the realm of code." (or: ash, as told in the very nature of himself and what makes him, him.

A/N: okay i'm going to be real this is one of those fics that i'm 90% sure i was struck down by god to have a vision for this fic. i'm really proud with how deep i made the metaphor and it's one of the fics i'm most proud of :) it's awesome

mors mihi lucrum by Anonymous

"death to me is reward" is it really? (or: zolister has some thoughts about the trophy room)

A/N: this fic was so so fun to write. if you haven't noticed already, death in minecraft is one of my favorite things to explore and that showtime smp video activated a nueron in my brain when i watched it. i love death in mc so so much <3

Ashswag's 3-step, very simple plan, to survive the Genesis SMP by Anonymous

Exactly what it says on the tin.

A/N: this is another one of my "hcs into a fic" fics, and it's really fun! i'm going to be real, i still don't know much about ultrakill but i fuck with the aesthetic hard. that clair de lune level is so pretty....

in another universe: by Anonymous

things would have ended differently. (an experimental webweave done on ao3)

A/N: this fic was SOOOOO fun to do. i've always wished for webweaving to be more of a thing outside of tumblr, so this is an experiment into other options! it's so awesome i love experimenting with fanfiction...

the best of the best, you'll die like the rest by Anonymous

Agent Rek Rap II, an ex-agent trying to enjoy his life in early retirement. Or well, he was trying too. He gets invited to a concert by a familiar name. (He already knows how this is going to end.)

A/N: this fic turned out so well. i had a general vibe and i RAN with it. it was so fun to write, and hopefully, it's a fun read if you also like spy stuff!!!

homemade comforts by Anonymous

If Red was being honest, he reveled in moments like this. Moments when Ash and he were far away from all of the violence, all of the responsibilities, and away from any prying eyes around them. Just Ash and Red, cooking together in their shitty little kitchenette that only fits two people.

A/N: this fic was so so fun to write. i'm going to be real, it was supposed to be part of another fic where it showed swagdoons across servers but i decided to make it a standalone. i love cooking together with people so much, and hopefully this fic conveys that :)

it’s no big deal (that i love you) by Anonymous

Sometimes Ash understands people when they call him and Red a couple. They are partners, in a sense, but not in that way. After all, when you’ve spent so long as enemies, survivalists, comrades, even, you notice a lot about the other person. From tracking down Red’s movements to stealing that stupid bell from Capital City, to pressing down on wounds and praying it didn’t get infected, they’ve been through everything. Been through the happy, sad, and angry tears together, and everything else in-between. But of course, everything they did had to be a business deal—a private agreement between just both of them. or: ashswag has some thoughts about red while they fall asleep together (ft. swagdoons qpr)

A/N: once again. sappy swagdoons. because i am predictable. this fic is so fluffy, and i'm so proud with how deep the metaphor is and how soft and fluffy everything is. qpr swagdoons ftw!!!

fallin' in love by Anonymous

Ash and Red go to a pumpkin patch on their day off.

A/N: more fluff. i love them so much. i love fall vibes and pumpkin patches so this fic was me putting all of the fall vibes i could into this fic. so glad it's going to get cooler where i live now LOL

...and, scene by Anonymous

kenadian, the train escape, and the fourth wall. ...and all of the horrific implications that come alongside it.

A/N: this was written as a spirtual successor to my prev. fic about sven. it was so fun, and fun fact, it's the first fic in the kenadian character tag! yippee!!!

world is mine! by Anonymous

In a sleep-deprived move, Minecraft player Ashswag decided that making a Hatsune Miku cosplay would compliment his entire God shtick perfectly. or: ash becomes swagsune ashu

A/N: this fic was mostly written for shits and giggles, but although i haven't have much time for it, cosplay is something that's so dear to me <3 i love the craftsmanship that does into it!!! and the community is so kind <3

go to the end with me, my lover by Anonymous

“Hey Ash? I…want you to come here and take a look.” Red says warily. Ash quietly follows Red ahead. He climbs over the rubble Red is looking out on and— Oh. It was their wedding venue.

A/N: fun fact: i first heard of this song in class when someone showed me the mv after school and um. well let's say i shed a few tears. god if you haven't watched the love wins all mv, please do. it's so well done <3 also in general SWAGDOONS WEDDING LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO (ignore the angst)

it takes two to tango, but somebody has to lead by Anonymous

The tango is a dance that requires someone to lead, and a partner willing to follow them. (or, swagdoons through the ages)

A/N: this was so fun. i love writing in different formats!!! also it being experimental is AWESOME i love playing around w/ language :3 also i love acherswan so so much so that was also a bonus!!!

developments by Anonymous

A group photo of the Hemlock family and staff. Absolutely nothing goes wrong.

A/N: i love photography so much, esp as someone with terrible memory. i've been having fun exploring it in fics recently so yeah!!! also the first fic in the whitepine tag #awesome

memento by Anonymous

“You have a pretty face,” Red says out loud without thinking. Ash stops in his tracks, whipping his head back to stare back at Red. “I—What?” “Ah. Um. You look nice when you’re talking,” Red clarifies, “Wait.” Red steps closer and grabs Ash’s jaw. “The fuck—” or: Red is a photography student and takes a picture of Ash.

A/N: listen me and my friend dusty were talking and my brain came up with the most gay scene ever and i HAD to write it. once again, i've only used dslr's in my life, but hopefully the magic of photographing someone was captured in this fic. old people yaoi.../silly

and OH BOY that was a lot of fics. these are the fics i'm really proud of, so i hope y'all enjoy (and please say nice things to me if you have enjoyed them). thank you for making it through this LONG post!!!

[seonghwanotes]

new years eve | jeong yunho

pairing: yunho x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 953

a/n: this was originally a collab but i completed the ending bc the writer i collabed with had closed her acc so yeah, this had me thinking for a lil bit. ALSO THE GIF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im getting bias wrecked big time, i cannot imagine being yunhonotes 😭 (21 Aug 2021)

a/n: as i write this, it is 28th sept 2023 😭 had this in my drafts for a while, did not proofread at all so will just post this up for now x

It was finally the most awaited week of the whole year, Christmas week. It was a family tradition for everyone to start preparing for Christmas when December came by but this year round, you were away from your family and you were spending it with Yunho and his friends. Considering that everyone was busy with their own schedules and you finally got a break till New Years, you began your preparation a little later than usual.

But as usual, Christmas went by in a blink of an eye. Right after you had taken down the Christmas tree all by yourself, you let out a loud sigh, feeling a little sad. It certainly felt a little different since it was something you’d do together with your family members but it didn’t feel as lonely since you were with your loving boyfriend.

You grabbed your phone off the couch and took a picture of the now dismantled tree, sending it to Yunho who was at practice with the boys. Not even a second passed, he had seen your message and immediately called you.

“Oh, hello?”

“Y/N, how can you take down the tree without me helping you out? It must have been hard, especially with the upper part of the tree.” He scolded you, making you chuckle.

“Yunho, it’s fine. I was gonna do it by today anyway and I was free after you left so I just got it done. You would be home later anyway. I used a chair in case you were wondering.” You replied back, earning a sigh from him. You didn’t need to be next to him to see his pout and know that he was upset for not helping you out.

You waited for a bit as you sat down, grabbing your gifts you got for Yunho along with the gift wrapper. You set your call on speaker mode and put your phone down. You could only hear some of the boys whispering to each other but it wasn’t too audible since the background music was blocking their voices out.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry I didn’t wait till you came home but tomorrow’s New Years eve! You know I don’t like keeping the tree up for longer than 3 days. Anyway, I’m going to the supermarket soon to get some stuff for our dinner tomorrow.” You told him, still not getting a response back. “Should I get champagne too?”

You and Yunho spent a homely Christmas together as everyone was with their family except for the two of you. It was not much but work has definitely made your lives much more busier, causing you two to not get presents for each other in time that you were doing it pretty late. Not that it mattered to you at this age but you felt bad for not carrying out a simple task.

You started wrapping your presents, occasionally glancing at your phone to see if he was about to end the call since he wasn’t answering you back. There was some light bickering among the boys but you couldn’t hear what they were talking about. “Jeong Yunho, If you wanted to help me out so badly, do me a favour and ask the boys what they would want for gifts or I’m wrapping vegetables for all 8 of you.”

Your threat seemed to slightly work as you heard Mingi chime at the other side of the call, “Ya, I don’t want vegetables this year. You better ask her for her size or I’m asking her myself!”

Size? Your size for what? You were about to voice out but Yunho cut you to it. “Well, that sounds fine. Go ahead, baby.”

“So you want me to get vegetables for them?” You questioned, earning a yell from Jongho.

“Y/N! Don’t listen to hyung! Get us what you feel like getting us except vegetables… what? Oh, no mint chocolate for Hongjoong hyung and Seonghwa hyung. We love you!” He yelled, making you laugh. These boys were enough to make you feel like you were at home.

“Not sure why I’m on speaker mode but okay.” You answered back, hearing someone getting a hard smack. You were about to end the call but stopped when Yunho called out. “Baby, wait! One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Your hand is almost the same as San’s right?” The question almost came out as a whisper, Yunho knowing you would get agitated at that question since your hands were the size of a child compared to his delicate giant ones.

“You know the answer already. Why are you even asking this? Are you getting me a bracelet from Pandora or what?” You asked him, sealing the gift wrapper with a ribbon on top for Yunho’s gift, which was a Rolex watch and matching rings that you’ve been eyeing for a while now.

A silence was heard initially, then a voice followed along. “Yeah, would rose gold do?”

Your cheeks flushed, “Ah, um, yeah. See you later then. Tell the boys to be early tomorrow. Oh, I’ll get 3 bottles of champagne then, okay?”

“Okay, sure thing. Yes, 3 is fine. I love you.” Yunho replied, sending a kiss through the call.

“Love you too.” You responded and ended the call.

One gift wrapped and there was more to go. You sighed, pushing them away for awhile and opened your laptop to surf the internet, making a list on what to buy for the boys, wanting it to be meaningful as well. Even if Christmas wasn’t as joyful as you wanted it to be, New Years was going to be the most memorable holiday you had in a while and you couldn’t wait for it to arrive.

[iam93percentstardust]

Welp it's been almost an entire year since the last hate comment in my inbox, so I figured I was due for another one (and trust me, dear nonnie, you have nothing on the three months of targeted bullying and hate I went through at the end of 2022/beginning of 2023). But I think this is a good time to spend some time talking about authorial intent. Now, don't get me wrong, I think there are many, many things wrong with this comment, but their complete misunderstanding of what I wanted to accomplish with this fic is indicative of a wider problem that I'm seeing in fandom at the moment, so we're gonna talk a bit about critical thinking and authorial intent.

So I could point out that this comment sucks because the fic they're complaining about is a gift fic and the giftee loved the fic so anyone else's opinion doesn't matter, and thinking that your opinion matters more than the giftee's is the height of entitlement (but let's face it, being called entitled doesn't matter to this person).

Or I could point out that this fic was tagged with "Infidelity" so they had to have known what they were getting into when they first opened the fic and shouldn't be so horrified that the cheating fic contained cheating (but let's face it, we all know that they didn't read the tags, and I'm not even sure they read the fic since both characters were cheating, not just Tony).

But what I really want to focus on is how badly this person misunderstood what I was writing. This is a smut fic masquerading as a breaking up & making up fic. I wrote this fic specifically so I could write 6 sex scenes (which was the original prompt anyway). I didn't really want to focus on the feelings. They're there, they're present, they get mentioned to set the stage for the sex, but I don't spend thousands and thousands of words talking about the feelings and mental states of Steve and Tony.

Which means that for the parts where Steve and Tony are being "toxic" and "shitty," I don't go into a whole lot of detail as to why they're being toxic and shitty. I have a personal headcanon as to why they're acting like this, but it doesn't actually matter. What matters is that I made a deliberate choice not to include the justification for their actions so I could write the smut instead. I knew that I was writing Steve and Tony as toxic and shitty because that was the entire point.

Now, let's be honest here, this commenter doesn't care about any of this. "Disgusting" and "grossness" are a deliberately inflammatory word choice, and as my friend pointed out, they're being puritanical and moralistic. In other words, they're like any other of the growing number of pearl-clutching members of fandom I see these days.

But this post isn't really for them. This post is for everyone who's only reading fic through their own lens and forgetting that the author also had a purpose when they wrote the fic in the first place.

This isn't the first time someone has completely misunderstood what I was trying to do with a fic. It's one of the meanest, but it's not the first time. It happened with the professor/student fic I wrote in 2022 where I argued that just because two people were wrong for each other when they were younger that doesn't mean they're still a mismatch when they're older. The pining Tony/serial one-night stand Steve where almost all of the early comments were about how it should be switched and missed that that was the entire point (that Steve is the obvious choice for pining, and I wanted to explore what would switch that dynamic). The Christmas fic in 2021 where someone straight up told me I tagged it wrong just based on the summary.

So here's the thing: death of the author is only one interpretation of literary criticism, but it's by no means the only. Authorial intent is a perfectly valid way to interpret a fic, and in this case, it's arguably more valid than looking at it through the lens of death of the author because if the reader isn't considering my reasoning behind why I wrote the fic the way I did, then the point of it will go right over their head. Getting so hung up on my intentions, my background, my style of writing not mattering, on only their interpretation mattering, means that they only read the surface level of this fic. And that works just fine in other fics, but it doesn't work here. At all. Because the entire point of this fic is my intentions. I intended to write a smut fic that glossed over the feelings of the two characters involved. I intended for it to look like a toxic relationship from an outsider's perspective. I intended to write the prompt I saw for the person who prompted it.

And if you're not looking at it through what I intended, then all you're going to end up with is dissatisfaction and the belief that I made a mistake somewhere instead of realizing that I achieved exactly what I set out to do.

[something-about-sunflowers]

More modern au CJ (and people related to him) headcanons cause I should be asleep rn but I’m not:

This is a lot of rambling so under a read-more it goes lmao

Pretty much all of this is stuff I've been rotating in my head for a potential fic involving post EdIzzy, present Izzy/Hornigold (yes, be worried for Izzy lmao), and CJIzzy endgame lmao so some of this I'm gonna skim over cause I don't want to spoil it if I do manage to write any of that lol.

Meets Ed in high school. About 2 years older than him, same grade tho cause CJ got held back and one of them has a fucky birthday putting them above/below the average age for their grade (Ed younger probably?).

Didn't go for college but does follow Ed when he goes cause Ed doesn't want to live in a dorm and they could afford a shitty studio if they room together. They fuckin.

Ed meets Izzy in school and introduces them, Jack falls ass over teakettle, man hears wedding bells when Izzy walks thru the door. He can read a room tho and sees the way Izzy looks at Ed like he hung the moon so he doesn't interfere. They all fuck tho. He 'moves on' when they start actually dating, still fuck tho.

He meets Anne and they hit it off, she knows Jack's gone for Izzy but they like each other well enough. He finds out he knocked her up the same day Izzy tells him he wants to ask Ed to marry him. He has a breakdown, goes on a bender, doesn't really come down from it. Anne dumps him and they go no-contact.

Ed gets bored of college and drops out, buys a shitty run down bar and opens up The Queen Anne. Moves out of his and Jack's place into the apartment above the bar with Izzy. Jack keeps the studio but he's at theirs most often anyway. 'Hires' Jack and Izzy and a few friends from college (Fang, Ivan comes a little later). Izzy drops out too so he can 'help' run the bar.

Its obv a gay bar and its very much not the (late) 10s-20s so they get a good bit of trouble from homophobes. Jack picks a fight with a particularly unhinged one (who threatened Izzy). They leave but they follow him home and try and burn his apartment down. His neighbor calls 911 and he's saved (by the hot firefighter I mentioned in my prev CJ headcanon post lol) but he's got some really gnarly burns. He moves in with Ed and Izzy since his place is fucked and he needs help while he recovers anyway. Izzy does most of the 'help', tho Ed is good at 'distract from pain'.

Anne comes back in the picture when she hears about the fire (she kept in contact with Izzy, who told her). They don't get back together, she's dating Mary/Mark (depending on the day) now, but she DOES care and she figures their kid should be able to know their dad. When Jack is recovered enough he moves out of Ed and Izzy's place cause 'an apartment above a bar isn't really a place you can bring your kid, Jack'.

During his recovery his drinking problem gets worse and he develops a drug problem too (pain killers for the burns). He manages 'functional' for the most part for a couple of years but one day he's supposed to be watching Cal at Anne's place and he's way too drunk/high and Cal gets seriously hurt. Mary/Mark comes home just in time to avoid tragedy but Jack is horrified at himself and Anne gives him an ultimatum.

Mary/Mark (a social worker of some sort) helps him find a rehab and he gets better. He gets a new job (can't stay at the bar if he's trying to get sober) as a mechanic (cause that is also a really good job for him). About a year later he runs into the firefighter who saved him and surprises himself by asking if they can help him join up. They do and he does.

He keeps in touch with Ed and Izzy, kinda, mostly thru social media and Christmas cards (and he ALWAYS calls Izzy for his birthday) but they're not really up to date with each other. He knows they're currently 'off-again' cause Izzy is no longer 'in a relationship' on facebook, and he hears thru the grapevine that Ed's not at The Queen anymore. He doesn't realize that Izzy followed him til he gets a call for a fire at The Revenge and Izzy's the only one on shift (at like, 7am, waaaay past close). This is where THEY start in the fic in my head tho so no more beyond this for them lol.

(Re: Jack and Anne's kid: Calico 'Cal'/'Callie' Bonny. They're 5 when they meet Jack. They're about 7-8 when they have their near death experience. At 11 they come out as non binary (like Mary/Mark). They're 13 when the fic takes place. Jack is in their life but is not their caregiver (tho Anne and Mary/Mark give him weekends sometimes and he watches them when they need it).)

(Re: Ed and Izzy: Izzy brings up the idea of marriage to Ed. Ed is cagey about it. They CAN legally marry cause Izzy is legally still 'female' no cis!Izzy jumpscares here but Ed says he wants to wait til its legal 'as like, solidarity man'. Izzy can't tell Ed 'no' and reasons its at least coming from a good place.

They're never really in a good place in their relationship, Jack doesn't notice cause he's a barely functional alcoholic while they're all living together. Things continue to deteriorate between them. Marriage Equality Act passes and when Izzy brings up getting married again Ed says 'I mean, we're practically married already Iz, don't need a piece of paper to tell me you're mine, yeah?' They wind up being pretty off-again-on-again.

Few years later Ed meets Stede (while him and Izzy are ON-again). Ed hands over The Queen to one of the boys and brings himself and Izzy (and Fang and Ivan) over to Stede's bar The Revenge. He's fucking Stede behind Izzy's back for the better part of a year before Izzy confronts him (he knew, he was just in denial). Ed dumps Izzy. Within the year Ed is engaged to Stede.

The aftermath of all that finds Izzy at Hornigold's bar, where Ed and Jack used to work when Ed was in college but Izzy did not (so he doesn’t really know Ben like they do), drunk and being chatted up by Ben aaaand that's about where the fic starts in my head lmao.)

[spadefish]

thank u guys for saying nice things to me... sorry for being a downer the last couple days, i think my new meds might possibly be exacerbating my normal issues. either way i appreciate you for taking the time to say something nice and help dissuade my brain from going "everyone on earth thinks you're evil and wretched". ;_;

ehhh i started rambling so i'm putting a cut here

i'm really hoping that my brain will get used to the chemical change but it's possible that the next couple weeks are gonna be rough bc i have to steadily increase my dose over the course of fifteen days and THEN i can wait and hope that it plateaus out.

it's kind of scary bc i know when i get to That Place mentally my ability to ignore or *~Logic~* my way out of acknowledging that i have feelings dissipates entirely and instead my brain starts doing math to prove how awful i am etc. then that compiles onto circumstantial issues that are tangible and that i cannot fix and things get very bad.

i think the fact that it's been almost a year since i've been able to see my family / FL friends is impacting me really negatively, but every means of getting there is very expensive. :( I'm planning on driving down this december but trying to make sure i have enough money to do so has been very difficult and stressful. i feel rly awful bc i genuinely don't think i'm going to be able to get down there AND get christmas presents for people, i just don't have a way to make that much money.

i spend a lotttt of time isolating when things get bad but every now and then i really do need some kind of physical human comfort and there's only so much oxytocin i can trick my body into making by holding hot cups or petting cats.

i find that i generally don't find it productive to talk to people about problems that i can't fix or mediate in some way... commiserating doesn't feel productive to me and i feel like i'm wasting the time and energy of the person i'm talking to. i like to just figure out solutions to problems but if there isn't a solution then i just get frustrated and sad. posting stuff here is a little bit different at least because i'm not cornering someone into a conversation that they feel obligated to respond to. people are allowed to ignore or block my posts and even if you read them you're never obligated to say anything. i like not putting that pressure on people. even still sometimes i feel like i'm just talking for no reason so i write a post and delete it or go put it on my private vent blog.

anyway sorry to anyone who does read this, that was a lot more talking than i thought i'd do, haha. that's your spadefish von tumblr mental health lore for the year i guess

[multiplayingorg]

Dear Most Trendy Gamer in the World

| Repost: Originally posted by Rer on December 6, 2011

How's it going big man? Its been quite some time since we last had a chat. You know it always amazes me how cutting edge you are given your age, you always seem to have the newest technology or the latest toy craze in stock.

It seems like the holiday chain letters have started back up too, tis the season to be blogging!  So with that in mind, I too, would like to write you a quick little letter.  I know over the past few years I haven’t asked much from you, what with having younger siblings who needed your Christmas cheer much more than myself, so maybe this year I can kind of pool all of that unspent good-will?  Anyways here’s what I’d love to see from you Big Red.

1. To start, could you maybe help out the United States with some of our current woes?  What with the economy not doing so hot, Congress at each other’s throats, and bills like SOPA on the horizon, I think its about time for a refresher on the ideals of empathy, understanding, and all around good nature towards one’s fellow man. Its a tough first pick I know, so just do your best.  Now with that rather less than cheerful bit out of the way lets move onto some more game-centric wishes.

2. Can we please get some fresh blood into the AAA-MMO development cycle?  Surely by now someone must have thought of something awesome, or at least revolutionary (and I mean actually revolutionary not just ‘oh we’re gonna change or add one big feature’), to try out in an MMO.  Can you maybe swoosh by some CEO’s office and just leave him a note (after you’ve eaten his corporate milk and cookies) about how doing something risky and new might be a solid endeavor in 2012?

3.  As an addendum to wish #2, it’d be really awesome if you could make a small sidetrip to CCP’s headquarters when you do your Reykjavik run.  Just give all of developers, artists, programmers, Q&A folk, and other members of the CCP team a big thank you present on my behalf.  If I had to guess what they might want most it’d probably be a break to spend some time with their families, and given all of the hard work they pounded into Crucible I’d say they’ve earned it.  Its a good thing you make your rounds in December because if I was writing this in July I probably would have said to drop a giant mountain of coal on top of their office, but its cool, they’ve got their heads on straight and are finally back on the path of

4.  This one’s a bit more personal.  Do you think you could find a game that’s multiplayer, not time intensive, and is something both my sister and I would love to play?  We don’t hang out as often as I’d like, but looking through my Steam library its hard for me to find a game we can both play and enjoy together in the span of say, 30 minutes.  Not an MMO either, she’s low on funds, and I want to spend time with her.  Not her and one million other people.

5. Mass Effect 3 is going to feature a fully fleshed out Co-Op campaign.  Honestly, this more than anything else excites me for the game.  Could we maybe see other popular titles consider adding Co-Op play to their games as well?  I can only imagine how awesome it would be to have a friend helping me kill Templars in Assassins’ Creed, or having an actual buddy at my side in Skyrim instead of a lifeless NPC (Sorry Lydia but really you have no soul).  Just make it an optional thing, that way no one feels left out if they dig running around worlds unseen on their own.

6. Oh, oh, oh, and could 2012 finally be the year that developers bridge the gap between consoles and PCs?  That way no one feels remorse for buying a game on their PC only to be unable to hang out with friends who have it for the XBox 360 or PS3.  That would be super ballin’ Santa, work that Christmas magic!

That’s all I got Papa Noel, keep warm and be merry this month.  Hell maybe on the 26th you can take a break, sit down, and play some Skyrim, that game kicks ass!

[malereader-inserts]

Greetings from the Avengers’ Base

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Avengers & Male!Reader Summary: How you got close to the original six Avengers Word Count:  1,291 Request:  I saw ur post & thought... maybe how the reader got to know each avenger and how they became friends / a team. Some fluffy friendship shorts :3 Love ur writing, bo <3 A/n: FUCK CANON TIMELINE, WE’RE MAKING OUR OWN.

Being an orphan teenager with nothing better in your life going for you, it’s hard.

It’s strange when you’re a superhero and currently living at Avengers, under the parental care of Nicholas Fury, who has expressed that does not mean you can call him dad. Not that you wanted to anyway. You’ve been an Avenger since you were fourteen, when the first time the Avengers got together, you were part of the original group. 

At first, it was daunting, no one understood why you were there and there were times you wondered why you were there too. You were too young and especially fighting for the world. You proved yourself, immensely, to the team. One by one they took turns to get to know you. They didn’t want to overwhelm you.

Tony took you under his wing, seeing a bright young man with a bright future ahead of him. He helped you with school work, he acted like a father to you. Just because the constant thought that ran through Tony’s mind was that he would be a better father than his father will ever be. He would drop anything, press meetings, conference, anything if you asked him to come play catch with him. 

You looked up to Tony, you saw a side of him not many people see. You enjoyed hanging around his tower, you were fascinated with JARVIS. You watched how Tony would ramble with his robots, you got friendly with Dum-E. 

You would always see Tony as your dad, in fact, Tony has been fighting for your custody, to finally adopt you. It shocked Pepper and Rhodey that he wanted to do this in his own accord.

“I’m gonna make you a Stark, one day kid.”

You smiled, leaning against his lab desk, “Good luck on that, papers are hard to convince even if you’re a billionaire.”

“A challenge worth defeating.”

Steve was the one the came around next, whilst he heavily disapprove you being part of the team, he started to get close to you when you were asking his time back in his era. You were heavily invested in your history class and when the 30s came as a topic, you knew who to ask about the times. It was nice to Steve, it allowed him to think about his days. 

He likes the modern times, but he misses when times were simpler. It’s still hard for him to grasp new concepts. Then, you started to gush about his drawing that you begged him to teach you, you were a blast to be with. Whilst he taught you how to draw, you taught him the new stuff. You kept him young and never left him confused, for that he was eternally grateful for you. In fact, to this day you were still helping him out.

“So, what is tumblr?”

“Hell.”

“Wha-?”

“Just don’t touch it, Steve.”

Bruce was easy to get along when Tony was busy and you needed help on your science homework, Bruce was the next best thing. Whilst you were above average in intelligence, sometimes Bruce can lose you at times. But, once Bruce got over his fear of accidentally hulking out on you, he would talk non stop.

He’s actually a funny guy.

He can help you with Biology and Chemistry, even if you just wanted additional readings to get ahead of your peers, but when you come bouncing into the labs asking about Physics, you’ve never seen Bruce light up brighter than a Christmas tree. He gets way into it, it makes you laugh because, after a long rant - where has most definitely lost you, he looks at you asking if you got that.

To which you blankly stare at him and say no.

“Really?”

“Yeah, sorry, Bruce,” You apologised as he waves you off.

“It’s okay, I’ll go slower this time...”

“Oh god.”

Thor was confused to why a baby is on the team, after all, age is different between the two realms. You had to explain that you weren’t a babe, that you were a pre-teen and that you’re actually grown to an extent. Nevertheless, Thor had to adjust to Midgard life for a bit, that means you would experiment cooking on the poor God. You were alright at cooking at least for someone at your age. 

But, there are days you feel devious where you would cook something that would be horrendous and make Thor taste it, sometimes it backfires on you and you would put together a really delicious meal, other times it becomes successful and you would see Thor’s nice exterior crumble a little bit before nicely saying it tastes good.

“How is it?”

“It’s something...” Thor says before smiling with food in his mouth, “It’s really good, (Y/n)!”

“Thanks!” Turning your back to giggle to yourself as Thor spits it in a napkin, only to give you a thumbs up when you turn back to look at him.

Clint and Natasha were different, they were constantly busy with work that they barely got to know you until they got stuck babysitting you. You had loudly got on the wrong side of Fury causing him to ground you and the two spies to look after you. It was their punishment went a mission almost went wrong. 

You were pissy with them, like any other teenager going through teenage angst. You got on both the spies’ nerves, until one day you sat down and it seems like you calm down, you were easy for Clint and Natasha to handle until you heard swears and shouting coming from Nick’s office. You grin to yourself as you grabbed both the wrist of each spy and bucked it out of the room you were occupying.

Turns out, in your protest of being grounded, you decided to prank Nick. And because you couldn’t alone at the SHIELD base, you dragged both spies around with you. It got to the point that the spies were showing you hiding spaces and even helping you prank their superior. 

At the end of the day, when Nick finds you in the room, he asked what you’ve been doing. You show him that you’ve been doing homework and drawing for Steve. Fury can’t prove you wrong as the two spies back you up.

“He hasn’t done anything wrong, Boss,” Clint says, forcing his mischievous smile to be concealed.

“It’s been a brat, but he’s been doing what we’ve told him to do,” Natasha backs it up.

You looked at him angelic like, “I’ve been good today.”

Nick looked annoyed, “Sure you have.”

So, as the years continued, more people joining the team, no one has gotten close to than the original six of seven members of the team. You’ve made friends with Vision, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Peter, Rhodey, but no one got as close to you as the six of them did. 

So, here you stood with a party hat on your head, smiling to your family. You were living in the new Avengers’ base, it wasn’t the tower anymore, but it’s better to have somewhere to live. There are banners hanging about, saying happy birthday. Confetti and balloons sprawled on the floor, the lights are dimmed down and strobe lights flashing.

There’s a pile of presents, one that contains official adoption papers. Tony is holding the cake, it’s lit up with candles, the team is standing around or behind Tony, facing the celebrant, the kid who was heart and soul of the team.

“Happy Birthday (Y/n)!” They exclaimed.

You’re now eighteen, it’s been four years with the team, nothing can ruin your family, nothing can go any better than his. You’re happy, so they’re happy too.

“Make a wish!”

And so you did.

[reidgraygubler]

last christmas (spencer reid/reader)

Title:  Last Christmas

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/gen-neutral!reader 

Category: mostly fluff, but some angst

Content Warning: cheating, swearing, christmas (tagging bc i know some ppl don’t celebrate and could be a trigger), pregnancy, engagements, verbal arguments, kissing/making out, swearing, post prison/post series (minor spoilers, but idk)

Word Count: 7,864

Summary: last christmas: reader gets proposed to on christmas night. The very next day, they find out their fiance is cheating on them. So they go spend the night with their best friend, Spencer Reid. this year: Reader gets proposed to by someone special.

A/N: being forced to listen to christmas music for 3-6 hours at work can really do something to someone. And that’s either murder or writing a cute one-shot… so I went with the latter… bc that’s so much easier than murder. and, this was hardly edited.... sorry for any grammatical errors... Anyways, happy holidays, thank you all for the love and support! Check out my masterlist! {***}{***}{***}

Last Christmas:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, as the song would say. The lights on the trees and houses around were beautiful. The downtown was always decked out with bizarre lights and statues, as well as people in full 18th-century garb. Loved ones gathering to celebrate the holidays with their friends and family. 

I didn’t know anyone who loved Christmas more than myself. Everyone who knew me, knew that Christmas was my favorite holiday. I tried my hardest to live my best stereotypical Christmas movie life. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend hated it… So, I guess it’s a good thing that all my friends and co-workers loved it. 

“I don’t exactly understand why we have to go to this party,” Jasper looked down at me with a mild annoyance. I smiled before knocking firm on the door. A quick glance at him told him to be quiet. 

“We went to your work party, so it’s only fair we go to mine,” I looked back at the door. A moment later, the door flew open and there stood David Rossi with his wife, Krystall, beside him. “David, Krystall,” I smiled as I pulled my hand from Jasper to hug the couple. “Merry Christmas,” I hummed happily once we parted. I turned to Jasper and took the bottle of wine to give to them.

“And to you. Please, come in. Reid, Penelope, and Emily are all here.” David graciously took the wine from me and invited us in. I grasped Jasper’s hand once again and pulled him inside. 

“Do you need help with anything?” I looked towards David as I took my jacket off. Krystall took it and brought it to a spare room, where I would assume all the other jackets were kept. 

“We’re almost done. Just get yourself a drink and relax,” he smiled and hugged me one last time. I looked up at Jasper and led him to the living room where Spencer, Penelope, and Emily were. I only knew they were there because I could hear their laughter and lively conversations. 

“C’mon, we don’t have to stay for too long,” I looked up at him with a smile. He nodded before pecking my lips, “I promise,” I smiled as I stared at him. 

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded as he glanced at my friends, “I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my lips. I smiled and watched as he walked away. Once he was around the corner, I walked over to the living room.

“Hey you,” Emily looked up at me as I sat next to Spencer, “How are you?” she smiled. I looked at Spencer and smiled.

“I’m good. Jasper’s nieces and nephews woke us up at like 5 in the morning… And we were up late wrapping their presents,” I laughed and shook my head, “But it was exciting watching them rip through everything,” I added and nodded.

“Sounds Henry and Michael,” Spencer dryly laughed as he looked over at me. 

“Or was it because they got to see their Uncle Spencer?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer looked away from me and smiled, a small blush rising on his cheeks. “I’d get that excited too if I saw you first thing in the morning,” I smiled. 

“Could you be any cuter, I swear,” Penelope looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“And on that note, I’m going to the bathroom real quick,” Spencer looked at me before standing up.

“Oh, Jasper’s in there right now, so it could be a minute,” I looked up at him as he started to walk away. “Or you could find one of the other many bathrooms Rossi has,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Spencer waved me off before he walked away. I watched as he walked around the corner, leaving it to be just me, Emily, and Penelope.

“How was your guys’ morning?” I looked back at them with a smile. Emily looked at Penelope before looking at me. The smile she wore made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“It was good. It was pretty lazy. Just Andrew and I,” Emily nodded before taking a sip of her wine. I nodded and watched her sip. “He said he’d be joining us, but he’ll be a little late,” she added once she put her glass down. 

“Oh good! I’d love to see good ole Mendoza,” I laughed. Emily looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “What? Andrew is a great guy,” I shrugged.

“Well, I had a great Christmas! I got to see my Chocolate Thunder and his spawn and Queen,” Penelope cut in before either of us could further a comment. 

“How is Morgan? I wish I got to see him more,” I frowned as I looked over at Penelope. Jasper stepped back in, and Spencer was right in tow. Spencer returned to his seat beside me and Jasper on the other side. There was a certain tension in the room now that those two stepped in.  I knew those two always butted heads, but they tried to get along for me. But at the same time, I hated when they were around each other. There was always something for them to fight about. And, most of the time it was nothing.

“Uh, well,” Penelope started after a moment of very awkward silence. I looked at her and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Derek’s great! Hank’s great! I swear I could just eat him up,” her voice was high pitched as she lifted her hands like she was pinching an imaginary person’s cheeks.

“Derek or Hank?” Emily looked at Penelope with a raised eyebrow. I wanted to listen into the conversation. But it was so hard when I had two bags of testosterone sitting beside me. 

“Are you okay,” I looked over at Jasper and whispered. He tensed as I grasped his hand. He looked at me and smiled lightly. 

“Yeah, yeah, work called,” he nodded and looked down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I could hear Spencer’s scowl from behind me. I wanted to turn back and tell him off, but I refrained.

“But it’s Christmas,” I whispered. 

“Don’t worry. It was an easy fix, over the phone,” he smiled before pecking my lips.

After several minutes of banter with everyone, Jennifer and Will, Matt and Kristy, and Luke arrived, all with various bags or boxes. I instantly got up to help someone or everyone, or anyone who wanted my help (and that happened to be Luke). 

“Merry Christmas,” Jennifer smiled as she embraced me. I squeezed her tight before muttering the words back to her. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, a little bit of concern in her eyes. “Did you have a good day,”

“Of course I did,” I smiled as I looked at her. I sighed deeply before looking over my shoulder at Spencer and Jasper. They were talking to each other and I honestly couldn’t tell if the conversation was a good conversation or not. I was just worried that Jasper and I would be leaving early and having an argument on the way home. 

“Your boys fighting?” Jennifer asked as she followed my gaze to the two men. 

“Honestly, with those two? I never know. I just wish for Christmas they wouldn’t fight,” I rolled my eyes. Jennifer laughed lightly as she looked back at me. 

“I’m sure they’ll get along, someday,” she reassured. I looked back at her, dropping my shoulders. “And, for now, don’t worry about it,” she hummed once she saw my disappointment.

“Anyways, Penelope saw Chocolate Thunder for Christmas,” I looked over at Penelope and smiled. She looked back at me with a childlike excitement once I talked about her forbidden love. 

“Oh? Really? I would love to hear more about that trip,” Jennifer looked over at the people sitting in the living room. I smiled as I watched Penelope recount her trip to the others. 

“Wine,” David appeared beside me with a glass of wine. I smiled before graciously taking it from him.

{***}{***}{***}

I was happy to see that Jasper seemed to join in on the conversations with everyone, instead of sitting and wallowing in whatever emotion he was in. But I knew something was going on, because I could feel a certain annoyance or nervousness coming from him. Being on a team with a bunch of FBI profilers really helps to tell when something is wrong. 

I smiled at Spencer and Jennifer before silently excusing myself to sit beside Jasper. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could feel Spencer’s eyes watching me. No matter what the situation was, he was always protective of me. He was my best friend, so I shouldn’t be too worried. He was more protective over me when it came to Jasper, too. He hated Jasper.

“Is everything okay,” I asked as I sat beside him on the couch. He turned to face me more and grasped both my hands. A certain worry was in his eye, which made me worry. “Is everything okay,” I looked at him, trying to push away all my anxieties. 

“I just wasn’t sure if I would get the chance to ask you a question,” his voice was low. I furrowed my eyebrows as he pulled his hands from mine. I watched as he stood up in front of me. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone else in the room. The room went silent as everyone turned to look at Jasper and I (but mostly Jasper). “Can I have everyone’s attention for just a moment,” he spoked, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Once he was certain he had the floor and everyone’s attention, more specifically mine, he looked back at me. He had a certain gleam in his eye that made me feel happy, and the exact opposite of nervous and worried. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. There is no one I would rather spend my entire life with than you,” his words were smooth like butter and he was as relaxed as ever. He slowly lowered to the ground, kneeling on one knee. I brought my hands to my lips as I gasped. The girls around me were instantly squealing from excitement and the guys were stunned into silence. Spencer just glared from his seat across the room. “Will you marry me?” Jasper asked as he pulled his hand from his pocket. A black velvet box was in his hands, and inside was a diamond ring. I widened my eyes and felt the breath escape my lungs. 

The room fell silent with his proposal. Everyone’s eyes fell on us, and I could feel the cold and mildly judgemental stare from Spencer. Of course, I wanted to say yes. I loved Jasper. And, no one could make me feel otherwise. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, you fool,” I smiled at him as slid to the edge of the couch. A series of applause came from everyone as Jasper slid the ring on my finger. I rested my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. 

“Well, I think it’s time to pop open a bottle of champagne,” David spoke in a cheery tone before standing. I looked up at him with a smile and watched as he walked towards the kitchen. I looked back at Jasper before kissing him once again. 

“I’m going to see if he needs any help,” Spencer spoke cooly before leaving. I looked at him, watching as he left. I looked over at Jennifer with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her to go see what’s wrong. She nodded before chasing after Spencer. 

{***}{***}{***}

“Again, congratulations,” Krystall smiled as she hugged me. I returned the hug. As I pulled away, she grasped my hand. “Merry Christmas,” she looked up at me. I smiled before turning to David.

“Thank you guys so much. I’ll see you on Monday,” I looked at the couple again before turning to leave. Jasper had already gone out to the care to start it, seeing as it was very cold out. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Spencer spoke up from behind David and Krystall. I looked past the couple at Spencer. He was already wearing his jacket and scarf. He wanted to leave the second Jasper proposed. 

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled and nodded. Spencer gave his pardons to David and Krystall before we finally stepped outside. 

“Did you have a good Christmas, Spence,” I looked up at him as we walked down the sidewalk. He kept his eyes low on the ground as we walked, and the silence he gave me was nearly deafening. I glanced at him, half worried because he’s never ever this quiet. Even when a sour police officer was getting annoyed or fed up with him, he wouldn’t even shut up. 

“Yeah, yeah, spent it with my mom and JJ’s family,” he nodded as he kept his eyes low. I smiled and nodded. “What about you,” he finally looked over at me.

“Yeah, yep… Spent it with Jasper and his family and friends,” I nodded as I shoved my hands into my pocket. 

“Not yours?” Spencer stopped walking. He grabbed my wrist, causing me to stop. I turned around and looked up at him. “I mean, it’s not very fair that he forced you to spend the holidays with his friends and family, and he looked like he wanted to jump off a bridge the whole time you were here… And you weren’t even here that long,”

“Spencer!” I looked up at him as I exclaimed. I stared at him with wide eyes. “What the hell is going on with you?” I dropped my shoulders as I looked at him.

“I’m just speaking the truth,” Spencer shrugged before he put his hands in his pockets. I shook my head and let out a laugh of disbelief.

“I gotta go,” I shook my head before turning to leave. I could hear Spencer muttering something to himself as I turned, and I just knew he had more to say.

“He doesn’t even love you!” Spencer shouted as I walked towards the car. I froze, staring at the window and Jasper sitting inside. I’m sure he could hear my argument with my best friend.  My heart was in my throat and I could feel myself starting to get sick. My head started to get a little woozy. “I’ve seen the way he’s looked at you and talked to you! And, he doesn’t…”

“Spencer,” I turned around to look at him, feeling the irritation growing in my head and my heart. He was looking at me, face filled with fury. The expression on his face told me he was telling the truth, but also Spencer would never lie to me. 

His eyes grew watery as he stared at me, and I knew the next thing he would say would probably break my heart. He was already telling the truth, a truth that I didn’t want to believe. 

“Please don’t marry him,” his voice lowered as he spoke. And I swear I heard it crack. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “He was constantly talking to someone tonight, texting someone. I heard him on the phone with someone when I left the bathroom, and I know it wasn’t work,”

“Stop,” I looked at him, trying to get him to stop talking before he said anything more that would embarrass the both of us. “Goodnight, Spencer. I’ll see you Monday,” I nodded at him before slipping into the car.

“Ready?” Jasper asked, looking over at me as he grasped my hand. I looked over at him with a smile before nodding.

“Yeah,” I whispered before looking back out the window at Spencer. He was still standing on the sidewalk, staring at me. He wore a very hurt expression on his face, and I swear a tear was rolling down his cheek. And before anything could happen, Jasper started the car and pulled away from David’s house and my best friend.

{***}{***}{***}

“Have a nice day,” I looked up at Jasper as he slipped from the bed. He pressed his lips to my forehead, wishing me a good day, before leaving to get ready for the day. I was only asleep for a few minutes before my alarm went off, forcing me to get out of bed and get on with my day. And, although I still had a few more days left of no work, I still had my plate full of errands and chores. 

Once my day finally started, I made way towards the dry cleaners. I had to pick up a couple of my blouses and a few slacks. Work had wrinkled and nearly ruined a few of my clothes, and the only place that could fix them was the dry cleaners. After the dry cleaners, I had to get a few groceries, seeing as all we had was some leftovers from Jasper’s parents’ place.

My phone started ringing, almost shocking me because I wasn’t expecting anyone to call me today. But I was more relieved when I saw that it was Jennifer calling. 

“Hey, have you talked to Spence?” Jennifer asked as I pressed my phone between my head and shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows as I readjusted the grip on the bags in hand. 

“No, not since last night. We kind of had an argument before I left,” I muttered as I grabbed my phone. The memories of the argument with Spencer came back, and I tried my hardest not to recount them. I looked up at the sidewalk and people ahead of me and saw Jasper. He wasn’t alone though. Another woman was in his arms.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jennifer spoke, her tone mildly annoyed that I wasn’t answering any of her questions or acknowledging anything she was saying. 

“I’m… I gotta go. I’m sorry,” I muttered before hanging up and shoving my phone in my pocket. I looked at Jasper and the woman and watched as he deeply kissed her. 

I took a deep shaky breath before rushing back to my car. I didn’t even care about my fresh dry cleaning as I shoved it into the back. Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if there was a way I could stop them.

Not wanting to go home, the place that I would be reminded of him, I drove around, trying to figure where to go. Until I found myself standing outside Spencer’s apartment. I wasn’t exactly sure if I had knocked until the door swung open and Spencer was standing in front of me.

“Wh-what are you-Wait, is everything okay?” he asked, reaching a hand out to grasp my arm. I swallowed roughly and allowed him to hold my arm, and then my hand.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know where else to go. I didn’t want to go home because he’s there. And I just didn’t want to be around him,” I looked at Spencer with moisture in my eyes. He looked back at me with confusion settling on his face as he stared. 

“What… What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped out of his apartment and rested his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him before allowing myself to fully break down. Spencer widened his eyes before pulling me into a hug. I pressed my face into his chest and sobbed.

“He cheated on me!” I exclaimed after a moment of crying. Spencer backed away from me to get a better look at me. “I was out doing errands… And I saw him…” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Spencer looked at me as he slowly realized what I had said. I could tell he didn’t really know what to do, so he just hugged me again before pulling me inside. 

“Sit, I’ll get you… I’ll get you tea. You like tea.” Spencer looked at me as he sat me on the couch. I looked up at him before wiping my cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll make you tea,” he nodded before leaving me alone in the living room. I looked towards the direction of his kitchen, listening to the clatter he was making. I could hear him talking to himself, saying stuff about Jasper, and me, and work, and the party last night, and our argument last night. I definitely shouldn’t be hearing him saying these things. It was an obvious thing that should be said to me another time. 

“Can I stay here for the night?” I looked up at Spencer as he reentered the living room with a mug of hot water and teabag. He looked at me as he sat beside me. I graciously took the mug from him and put the teabag in it. 

“Of course. You didn’t even have to ask,” Spencer looked at me as he grabbed a throw blanket. I sighed deeply as he placed it over my shoulders. “You can stay for as long as you need,” he looked at me as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Thanks, Spence,” I looked down at the tea and shrugged, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. All my stuff is over there.” I wiped my eyes again. Tears just wouldn’t stop rolling down my cheeks, I was starting to feel a little ridiculous. 

“Luke, Matt, and I will go over and bring it here. And you can stay for as long as you want," he insisted. I swallowed roughly before wiping my eyes. I looked up at him, trying to smile but it was rather unconvincing for the both of us. “You know that my place is your place,” he added and returned a genuine smile. His smile made me feel a little bit better and turned my unconvincing smile into something more convincing.

“Thank you, Spencer,” I whispered as I looked down at the cup of tea. The steam coming off it was rather soothing. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it! God. I’m so stupid! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” I looked at him, my statement sounding stupid. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered a hand and wiped my cheeks. I could sense that he wanted to say more, because he always as more to say, especially when it’s about proving someone wrong. So, when he stopped at ‘It’s okay’ I was a little confused. “You didn’t want to believe something that should be false. I understand that,” he folded his hands in his lap. 

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger. I wrinkled my nose before taking it off and chucking it at the coffee table. The ring dinged as it bounced on the hard surface. I muttered a few profanities as I stared at the ring. Spencer looked at me with a raised brow. “I guess that means you’re getting what you wanted… I’m not going to marry him,” I dryly laughed as I looked up at him. 

“I didn’t want it like that,” Spencer whispered as he looked back at me. I looked up at him and frowned. “I was being selfish,” he whispered, mostly to himself. I raised an eyebrow before looking down at the ring. 

“You’re allowed to be selfish, Spencer,” I mumbled before looking back at him.

“You’re right. But I want to be selfish for the right reasons,” he looked back at me. I swallowed roughly and shook my head. “He doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to have your heart broken by some guy,” Spencer muttered. I raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have to talk about it now, though, when you’re ready,” he assured. 

I didn’t really want to press why he wanted to wait till I was ready. I was honestly always ready to talk to him, no matter what it was. So, I guess we’ll have to wait till he was good and ready.  Even if that meant a very long time.

{***}{***}{***}

New Year’s Eve:

New Year’s Eve was especially difficult. Usually, I love it, just like Christmas. But this time… This time was different. I supposed being cheated on during such a big holiday can do that to you. My spirit for any exciting holiday was simply diminished and gone now. 

So, that’s why I was sitting at the kitchen counter in Rossi’s house with my third glass of wine. I was really trying not to wallow in self-pity. But it was so easy when my excitement for the new year was just… gone. The others seemed okay with my sadness. Although, Spencer was the most concerned than anyone else. Everyone was off in the living room, laughing in their conversations. I just wanted to be alone for a moment.

“Hey,” Spencer looked at me as he sat beside me at the counter. I looked up from my drink and at him. A lazy and drunk smile grew on my lips as I looked at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m doing great, Spence,” I looked at him as I stood up. He raised an eyebrow as I stumbled a bit. He grasped my arm to steady me a bit. “I’m gonna go outside. I need some fresh air. You stay here,” I patted his chest before leaving.

Spencer allowed me to go outside alone, I was half expecting him to follow me. So, I was happy when I took a seat outside. The air was a little bit chilly and nippy, which was mildly sobering. I kinda wished I had another drink with me.

I heard the back door open and then slam shut, causing me to turn around and look. Spencer was walking towards me with a blanket over his arm. It was only a few minutes since I came out here, he can’t have missed me that much.

“Here, it’s cold,” he offered me the blanket as he sat on the other outdoor chair. I took it and wrapped it around my shoulders like a cape. We sat in an uncomfortable, unnerving silence. I just wished he would say something so we wouldn’t be in the quiet.

“I just needed a few minutes alone. Everyone inside is just a little bit too loud for me,” I shrugged as I looked at the space between us. Spencer’s hum was unconvincing, but I’m sure my excuse was just as unconvincing too. “They’re too happy and I’m, well, not,” I looked up at him.

“I understand,” Spencer nodded, like he knew how I felt. I stared at him, only a little bit annoyed that he said that he understood. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Spencer, I’ve been living with you for the last week, you already know how I feel,” I looked up at him. The previous few nights I was up most of the night sobbing, mostly because I was heartbroken. It was bad and a little embarrassing because Spencer was the one who took care of me. “Thank you, for that… I do appreciate it,”

“You’re my best friend,” he whispered as he looked at me. A friendly smile grew on his lips as our eyes locked. “I care about you. And, I’d do anything to keep you safe,”

I didn’t really have anything to say, because I knew he meant it. He knew I felt the same way about him. There was a reason why I went to his home instead of Jennifer’s, or Emily’s… And, that reason was because he cared about me and he was my best friend. 

I scooched the chair closer to him and threw the blanket over his other shoulder. He looked over at me with a smile and his hair flopped in front of his eyes. I smiled as I brushed the hair away from his face. 

We fell back into our comfortable silence. My head was rested on his shoulder as his fingers slowly entwined with mine. I don’t think I was supposed to notice him holding my hand, but I did. 

“Can I ask something from you, Spence,” I asked, lifting my head from his shoulder. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, like he wasn’t sure if my question was a trick or not.

“Of course,” he nodded and looked at me. I turned to face him more, looking up at his face.

“Kiss me,” I whispered softly. My eyes flicked between his eyes and lips, and it was taking everything within me to not just kiss him. I could easily blame the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed earlier in the evening. Or I could blame the true and exact feelings I had towards Spencer. If I could, I’d wrap them up in a box with a bow and give it to him with a note tag that simply said ‘I love you’, but I wouldn’t. I won’t tell him the real reason why I want him to kiss me. It’s only been a week since my doomed relationship ended. I couldn’t tell him, yet. So I told him a lie. “I’m drunk and heartbroken, Spencer, please just kiss me,” I whispered as I lifted my hand to his tie. 

“I, uh, I... “ Spencer mumbled as he glanced towards the house. I knew no one was watching what I was doing out here, and I knew they wouldn’t care about what Spencer was doing. They were all too busy playing various drinking games and too involved with themselves to care. “Is that a good idea? I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” he muttered as he moved closer to me. And it wasn’t because I was tugging his tie.

“I think it is… I think it’s the greatest idea ever… Why else would I be asking?” I looked up at his eyes before smiling. I dropped my hand from his tie and noted that he wasn’t moving away from me. “Tell me, Spence, would I be a fool if you kissed me?” I looked into his eyes. My reflection was noticeable in his irises and it made me smile knowing I was that close to him.  

“You’d never be a fool,” Spencer whispered, his breath tickling the space above my lips. I smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know about you, but I was pretty foolish last week,” I dryly laughed. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head. “Please, kiss me,” I quietly begged. 

He placed his hands on my cheeks before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed happily as we kissed. I could barely keep myself up and myself breathing as he gently worked his lips against mine. My heart was beating in my chest, but at the same time, it was fluttering. He was so gentle and soft, like if he went any harder he’d break me. But, I’m already broken. The butterflies I was feeling in my stomach grew and caused a heat to work its way up my cheeks. But it wasn’t just a kiss. It never is just a kiss with people. And, Spencer is more than just a person. A kiss with Jasper just felt like eh, it left me feeling nothing. But a kiss with Spencer left me wanting more. I wanted more of my life with him. It was in the few mere moments we were kissing that I realized I really did love him. 

Spencer was the first to move away from me, but only a few inches. Our noses were still touching and our foreheads were still pressed together. I licked my lips and smiled softly.

“That was…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. The smile on my lips grew wider as I looked at him. His eyes scanned my face, looking for any sort of worry or fear I might have had. But I had none. “Amazing,” I whispered as I dropped my shoulders. Spencer visibly relaxed as I finished talking.

“Good,” he laughed softly as he looked back at me. 

“Best kiss I’ve ever had,” I whispered with a smile. Spencer returned the smiles he looked at me. “I know you’d fool me if you kissed me again,” I murmured against his lips. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips back to mine. I hummed as I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him as close as possible. I didn’t want to move from my spot, and I knew Spencer didn’t want to move either. “I’d be okay if you did it again,”

“I love you,” Spencer muttered into my mouth, causing me to freeze in my spot. I kept my eyes closed because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look at him. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he groaned before tilting his head back away from me. I quickly opened my eyes and looked for his face. “Now I’m the fool,” he murmured against my lips. He was clearly embarrassed because I didn’t say anything back. I was mostly shocked because I wasn’t expecting it.

“Don’t say that,” I whispered, bringing my hands to rest gently on his cheeks. He looked at me with furrowed brows, like I was the one who was wrong about our words. “I love you too,” I smiled softly at him. Spencer looked at me, like I was suddenly a light in the darkness. And, I really liked the way it felt when he looked at me like that. “Like, I wished I realized it sooner… And, before I met, you know,” I muttered as I talked about the man who broke my heart a week ago. A look flashed in Spencer’s eyes at the mention of his, I suppose, enemy. I knew he wanted to kill the man. “I’m happy I did realize it though,” I smiled as I looked at him.

“I am too,” he finally said something after a moment of silence. The smile on his lips and in his eyes, and all the previous anger and hatred melted away. “I wish I could have told you sooner,” 

“You told me at a perfect time, Spencer,” I whispered before kissing him again. I nearly fell back in a fit of laughter as he tried deepening the kiss, but I was happy he kept me steady. 

“Don’t worry, I got you now,” he whispered as he held me close.

{***}{***}{***}

This Christmas:

You would have thought that I was going to hate Christmas this year. I mean, considering what happened last year? He basically ruined my week and the whole holiday for me. But it got better, thanks to Spencer. 

I looked up at Spencer as I wrapped my arms around his and rested my head on his shoulder. He looked back down at me with a smile before knocking on the door. 

“I hope everyone had a good Christmas,” I whispered as I looked at the wreath on David’s door. Krystall must be happy about her decor this year.

“Well, this is the first year neither of us really spent it with anyone else from the team,” Spencer replied as he brought his other hand to rest on my arm. I smiled before nuzzling my head more into his shoulder. “Well, This would be the first year I didn’t spend with JJ and Will,” he spoke again, changing his answer.

“Next year,” I smiled softly as I looked up at him, “Who knows, maybe next year we’ll have our own family,” I smiled smugly. Spencer laughed and shook his head, but the happy gleam in his eyes told me otherwise. Of course he wouldn’t actually verbalize that he wants kids, it’s just been known for years that he wanted them. 

“Maybe,” he looked down at me and winked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head lightly. My words were cut off by the front door swinging open. Krystall was standing by the door with a wide smile on her lips. She looked pretty happy to see Spencer and I.

“Merry Christmas, you two,” she smiled as she stepped to the side to allow us in, “Did you have a good morning?” she looked at us as we walked in.

“Wonderful,” I smiled as I looked up at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile as he unbuttoned his jacket. Of course, we wouldn’t exactly talk about what we did this morning, I’ll just say it was a little NSFW to share with people you work with. And, somethings gotta stay between Spencer and I. 

“Is anyone else here?” I looked back at Krystall as I slipped my own jacket off. I don’t really know why I asked if anyone else was here… Spencer and I were the last ones to show up...

“You’re the last ones to arrive,” she smiled at us, “Jennifer and Will brought their boys,” she spoke as childish laughter filled the moment of silence after her words. 

“Oh! We were just talking about we didn’t see them this morning,” I looked up at Spencer as I moved closer to him. He carefully wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me closer to him. “I can’t wait to see them,” I smiled as I looked at Spencer. He returned the look with a loving look in his eye. 

“Well, I know you two know your way around the house, everyone is in the living room. If you need anything just let us know,” Krystall smiled at us before leaving to put our coats somewhere. Once she was out of our sight, I looked back up at Spencer.

“We should probably go see everyone,” I smiled as I looked towards the kitchen. Spencer gently placed a hand on my cheek, guiding my face to face his. “What,” I whispered as I looked up at him. 

“I love you,” he returned the whisper before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed as I melted into his kiss. His hand was firmly placed on my waist and he carefully pulled me closer to his body. 

“God, not in Rossi’s house,” a groan came from behind us. I pulled away from Spencer and looked over my shoulder. Emily was standing in the doorway, looking at us as she lifted her glass to her lips. 

“What, he was just hugging me,” I smiled at her. Spencer’s hands were still firmly on my me. And, it was very clear that he was not just hugging me. Judging by the expression on Emily’s face, she definitely saw more than she bargained for. 

“Sure you were,” she smiled at us, “Spence, David needs you in the kitchen,” she looked at Spencer before pushing herself off the wall and leaving. I pouted and looked up at him. 

“It’ll be just a minute. Save me a seat,” he whispered before quickly pecking my lips and swiftly leaving me in the foyar. More laughter came from the living room, causing me to smile. I instantly knew I wanted to join in the laughter and fun with the others, more specifically the two young boys.

When I stepped into the living room, everyone greeted me with a lot of excitement. It felt like they hadn’t seen me in months, but we just saw each other two days ago. 

“Hey, Merry Christmas,” I smiled as I looked at everyone. Michael and Henry ran up to me and wrapped their arms around my legs, “Hey you two,” I ruffled my hand in their hair. 

“Boys,” Jennifer called from her spot on the couch. I looked up at her and smiled as her two boys let go of me. I smiled before taking a seat at the armchair. “Where’s Spence? Did he come?” Jennifer asked as she watched me sit. Everyone had this weird sort of energy, like they knew something that I didn’t exactly know. I always hated when they did that. They knew that too. Granted, I’m not typically a person who likes surprises or secrets. 

“Yeah, he’s helping Dave with something in the kitchen,” I smiled as I looked at her. Michael ran up to me, holding a toy truck he got this morning. “Whoa! That’s such a cool truck, Michael! What else did you get?” I leaned and braced myself on my knees. He was very quiet as he told me what he got, but he was very enthusiastic about everything. When he finished telling me everything he got, he cautiously climbed onto the chair and sat beside me. 

“You were supposed to save me a seat,” a voice came from behind me. I looked behind me and saw Spencer, looking down at me with a wide smile. “I’ll just have to sit over here,” he faked a pout before going to sit on the other armchair.

“What can I say, the fellas love me,” I smiled as I watched him sit. As much as I loved sitting with Jennifer’s boys, I really wanted to sit with Spencer. Even from across the living room, he knew that too. 

As the night went on, food was eaten, drinks were drunk, presents were exchanged. I still had a 4 year old little boy attached at my hip, and there was no getting rid of him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him… But, there were things that I wanted to do. Like sit with Spencer, and talk about things other than toys and little kid things… 

“Can we talk real quick?” Spencer asked as he squatted beside me and Michael. I looked at him and nodded, feeling my face falter slightly. I looked down at the boy on my knee, silently telling Spencer that my shadow probably won’t leave me alone. Spencer looked over his shoulder at Jennifer, silently telling her something. 

“Hey, Michael, c’mere,” Jennifer spoke to her child. Michael looked up at me before hugging me and leaving me alone. I looked back up at Spencer before standing up. 

“Privately?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer swallowed roughly and nodded before grasping my hand and bringing me outside. The door clicked shut behind us as we walked towards the sitting area. I was instantly hugging myself to keep myself somewhat warm, because it was cold and I wasn’t wearing my coat.

“I’ll be quick, I’m sorry,” he cringed, grasping both my hands to hold them. I furrowed my eyebrows as I warily looked at him. The anxiety that I was feeling was through the roof, and I knew he noticed it too. 

“Is everything okay,” I whispered as I looked at him. I was worried something was wrong. Why else would he want to talk to me alone? But, something couldn’t have been wrong, because he was smiling and laughing and looked happy.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second... And without Michael by your side,” Spencer laughed as he looked back at me. I smiled as I looked up at him. “And I wanted to have a moment with you, alone,” he looked over my shoulder at the house. Something flashed in his eyes as he pulled one hand from me and put it in his pocket. “In fact… I wanted eternity with you,” he whispered as he looked at me. I dropped my shoulders as I slowly realized what he meant. “I know Christmas is your favorite, and last Christmas was ruined… But I wanted to make it mean something to you again…”

“Spen-”

“Will you marry me,” he whispered, pulling out a small grey box and opening it up. The ring was a plain silver band with a diamond embedded in the center. I looked at him and smiled. “I know it’s barely been a year… But,”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” we both said it in unison. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes a little bit moist. Mine were also welling up a little bit. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, Spencer,” I whispered looking at him with a smile. He returned the smile before sliding the ring on my finger. I placed my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. Cheering and applause came from inside, causing me to laugh against his lips. I looked up at him and smiled. “I love you,” I whispered softly.

“I love you too,” Spencer smiled before kissing me again.

{***}{***}{***}

The following morning Spencer and I were downtown. We didn’t have much to do, so we explored downtown while the holiday decorations were still up. Spencer was actually taking me to an after Christmas movie thing at a black and white theater. Our quiet laughter and conversation made me feel happy. Our conversations were mostly filled with the excitement of our new engagement and future wedding.

That was until I was stopped abruptly as we walked into a familiar man and woman. I stared at him, feeling a certain sickness rise in my stomach. Spencer’s arm went back around me in a protective manner. My body went frigid as I stared at the man and the woman, so I was thankful for Spencer’s embrace.

“Jasper,” I spoke, almost breathlessly. I swallowed roughly as I stared at them. Jasper was quiet for a long time. I knew for a fact he was pretending to not know who I was. But he 100% knew who I was, and who Spencer was.

 "I almost didn't recognize you," he laughed as he looked at me. I started back and held back the scoff. "You look so different,"

“Well, it’s been a year, so it doesn’t surprise me,” I looked at him and then at his wife. His pregnant wife. I only knew they were married now because of the ring she was nonchalantly showing off to Spencer and I. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I was wallowing in pity for a full year. They’re probably both surprised by seeing me with Spencer, Jasper more than her. I bounced back from our spilt faster than he probably thought.

I ignored them and looked up at Spencer, who was staring at Jasper with such laser precision I swear he’d kill him. But, to be fair, Jasper was staring at Spencer with the same amount of hatred. I knew his wife was clearly uncomfortable with everything that was happening. I was uncomfortable. 

“Well, it was nice seeing you again,” Jasper looked at me with a smile that was faker than a Kardashian’s ass.

“We best be going now. Spencer and I have an appointment we can’t miss,” I spoke as he opened his mouth. It was obvious he wanted to have the first out, but we just spoke over each other. I looked up at Spencer before grasping his hand and pulling him past the couple. Not another word was spoken between us, and not another word will ever be spoken between us. But, that’s okay. I have all I could ever need or want.

I looked up at Spencer before looking back down at the ring on my finger. The ring that he placed there. This is a lot better than last Christmas, and I can’t wait for the rest of my Christmases to be with Spencer.

spencer taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​

[marvelsdc22]

My Neck, My Back/Santa Tell Me

Intro: Hello, lovelies!! Its been a minute since I’ve posted something that wasn’t a drabble, but now I have quite a lot of time on my hands so I’ll be able to write more!! Anyways, here is my contribution to the song challenge with @imnotasuperhero​​​, once they’re both posted, we’ll have a small poll posted to see who you guys think won!! No feelings will be hurt!! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!! Merry Christmas, you filthy animals🎄🎄(and since you asked to be tagged @frostedfavesmain​​)

Note: Wanda and Y/N spend the night in, celebrating Christmas with one another, things get heated... Fast... This is... Pure filth, oml 🙈(based off of this song I found YEARS ago and happened to share with Vee (my dignity)

Word Count: 2625

SMUT, NO MINORS AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEN PLEASE DON’T READ, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!!

While this was not your first Christmas with Wanda, you did your best to make this as special as the last one, you and Wanda had been together now for three years, engaged for a few months of that third year, you were happy and you wanted to show her just how happy you were with her, practically rolling out the red carpet for her as you set it all up, the house all decorated with your Christmas decorations you guys had set up a few weeks prior, but now you had roses on the floor and all the fairy lights on in the house, trailing the roses to your guys bed, where you were planning to leave quite the surprise for her.

All you ladies, pop your pussy like this Shake your body: Don't stop, don't miss All you ladies, pop your pussy like this Shake your body: Don't stop, don't miss Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now

Checking yourself one last time in the mirror, you heard the door to your guys apartment open, you guys having moved out of the compound about a year ago to get away from work when you guys could “Y/N?” You heard Wanda call, the curiosity in her tone evident as you quickly made your way over to the bed, you in your Christmas lingerie you had gotten the week before resting in the sexiest pose you could think of, hearing her heels clicking on the hardwood floor until she opened the door, her dropping the purse in her hands when she saw you strewn out on the bed “Hey, babe” you said as seductively as possible, you seeing her eyes flash red which you took as a good sign “You gonna open your present?” You teased, gesturing to yourself and having a bow on the top of your head “I’m gonna do more than that” Wanda promised, her voice deep with lust as she approached you.

Lick it good Suck this pussy just like you should Right now, lick it good Suck this pussy just like you should

When she got to you, she immediately captured your lips with hers, the song playing on your phone barely able to be heard as she kissed you, her hands roaming your body as she pinned your wrists down to the bed and straddled your lap, you releasing a groan when she pulled her lips from yours and trailed down to your neck, peppering your face with kisses before she reached her mark and bit down, making you gasp and arch up into her touch “Wanda” you groaned, biting your lip as you closed your eyes, letting yourself get lost in her touches and kisses until she pulled away, pulling a whine from you as you stared up at her like a wounded puppy “Easy, moya lyubov’” she tsked, reaching over and taking the bow out of your hair.

“I need you to move up to the headboard, can you do that, pup?” She asked, looking at you and you nodded, moving yourself back until you were propped back on the mountain of pillows you guys had, her situating them to where you could be most comfortable before she grabbed some fairy lights that were hanging off the side of your headboard, feeling her take one of your wrists before slowly starting to wrap the lights around it, making your heart pound in your ears, her staring at you with lust but also concern, she wanted you comfortable more than anything and you knew she wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with, and when she saw no signs of discomfort, she went on to your other wrist, securing both to the headboard “Comfortable?” She asked, looking at you and you could do nothing but nod, her capturing your lips in a much gentler kiss than before to calm you more, she wouldn’t hurt you and you trusted her with your life.

My neck, my back Lick my pussy and my crack

First you gotta put your neck into it Don't stop, just do it, do it Then, you roll your tongue From the crack back to the front Then you suck it all till I shake and cum, n*gga Make sure I keep busting nuts, n*gga All over your face and stuff Slow head, show me so much love The best head comes from a thug The dick good: Thick, big and long Slow thumping til the crack of dawn On the X, making faces and stuff Through the night, making so much love Dead sleep when the sun comes up

Watching her through half-lidded eyes, you watched as she trailed her lips down your body, pushing whatever part of the lingerie was in her way as she went, stopping at your breasts and taking one pert nipple into her mouth, while she stimulated the other with her hand, making you gasp and pull against your restraints, the not being able to move making you even more wet since you were giving her full control of you, something you had never done with anyone else before, and boy did it feel good “Wanda” you moaned, letting your head fall back against the headboard when she switched her mouth to your other nipple, her teeth gently tugging at it and making you arch into her more “Use your words, pup” she teased, running her free hand down your stomach, to the waistband of your matching underwear you had on.

“Wanda, please” you begged, tugging on the fairy lights wrapped around your wrists “Please what?” She asked, her fingers ghosting over your core “Please fuck me, please” you begged, locking eyes with her and seeing her smirk before she tugged on your legs, you letting them fall to wherever she wanted them, tugging your underwear off and discarding them somewhere on the floor before she threw your legs over her shoulders and got comfortable between your legs “Did you clean up for me?” She asked teasingly, you crying out slightly in aggravation when you felt her breath on your core before she tsked and ran her thumb along your clit, making you shudder and drop your head back against the headboard “Good girl” she hummed, watching your expressions for a moment before diving in, seeming to go along with the song as she did.

My neck, my back Lick my pussy and my crack

After a few moments of using her tongue on you, she focused her mouth on your clit while she inserted two fingers, making you cry out “Wanda! F-Fuck” you cried, trying to arch up into her fingers and mouth, but feeling an invisible force seem to hold you down, you looking down and seeing a red tendril holding you down, meaning she was using her powers on you “N-Not fair” you groaned, gasping when she inserted another finger and did that thing with her tongue, you seeing white before cumming with a gasp of her name, her helping you through it until you went limp in her grasp.

“I’m not done with you yet, pup” Wanda said, pulling her now drenched fingers out of you and cleaning them by putting them in her mouth, making sure you were watching as she did so, effectively turning you on even more as she hummed at the taste, you entranced by her until she leaned down and pressed her lips to yours, you tasting yourself on her lips but you could honestly care less “I love you” you said when she pulled back, bringing a small smile to her face “I love you too, now hush, pet” she said, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips before she fully pulled away and went to dig in your guys closet, you watching with hungry eyes as she stripped down fully and pulled a harness on and attached one of the many dildos onto it before she turned to face you, you biting your lip as you looked her up and down “You ready for a ride?” She asked, looking at you and you nodded, making her smirk before she approached you again “We’re going to need to change your position” she said, starting to untie you from the headboard.

You might roll dubs, you might have G's But fuck that, n*gga: Get on your knees A bitch like me moans and screams Thug Misses know what I mean At the club, so fresh, so clean Hoes hate and n*ggas watching me So high in the line on green With a unit on my face, so mean I got to pick which n*gga I need Cause only thug n*ggas satisfy me You try me, I'll make you see You bitches ain't got shit on me

My neck, my back Lick my pussy and my crack

Once she had you flipped over on your knees, she tied your hands back to the headboard before stepping back to admire her work, her having taken off your lingerie and wrapped your body with some more fairy lights “That’s my girl” she praised, gently running her fingers along your back and making you shiver as she did, taking the dildo in her free hand and angling it to your face “Come on” she urged, watching as you took the dildo in your mouth and bobbed your head up and down on it “You take that cock” she said, her accent coming out more than it had in years as she tangled her fingers in your hair and helped you take the dildo deeper “Good girl” she said, biting her lip and feeling herself start to get slick just from watching you suck her off.

After a moment, she pulled you off the dildo and kissed your cheek before she lifted you up enough to lay underneath you, grasping your hip with one hand while the other angled the dildo up to your entrance before she pushed you down onto it, making you gasp and throw your head back “Wanda” you gasped, letting your head fall forward so it was resting on her shoulder “That’s my girl, come on now, move with me” she said, using her hands to help you move up and down until she was pounding into you, you not able to say anything that sounded anything like a word “W-Wanda, I-“ you said, feeling you getting to that edge and feeling her tighten her grip on your hips “Let it go, Y/N/N” Wanda whispered into your ear, that being all you needed as you felt yourself release for the second time that night, your vision going blurry for a moment from how intense your climax was before you collapsed on top of Wanda, her just holding you for as long as you needed her to.

Santa, tell me if you're really there Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year Santa, tell me if he really cares 'Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year

After a few moments, Wanda reached up and untied your wrists, lightly rubbing the fresh red marks apologetically and kissing both of your wrists “I’m sorry” she murmured, feeling bad for leaving marks on your wrists from the lights “For what? The mind-blowing sex we just had?” You laughed, looking at her and giving her a small smile before you kissed her gently, pushing yourself up and gasping when the dildo slipped out of you.

Scooting down her body, you removed the harness and tossed it onto the bedside table “Y/N” Wanda said when she felt you pushing her legs apart “You don’t have to” she said, knowing you were probably spent from the two orgasms she had just given you “I want to” you assured, pushing her legs apart before slowly running your tongue along her wet center, causing her to gasp and reach down, tangling her fingers in your hair as you fucked her with your tongue, making sure your nose hit her clit every time you pushed your tongue in, making your fingers heat up as you grasped her thighs before you moved your tongue to her clit.

Pushing two warm fingers into her core, you heard her gasp your name, you glancing up and seeing her head back against the pillows, her sweat slicked hair covering the pillows underneath her, nothing looked sexier than a sex induced Wanda Maximoff and nothing could change your mind “Y/N, please” she begged, you knowing just what she needed as you pushed another finger inside her and curved them in a ‘come hither’ motion, only needing a few more thrusts until she cried out your name and your face and fingers were covered in her juices, pulling back with a smirk before you took your fingers in your mouth and cleaned them off with a hum, locking eyes with her just as she did with you.

Feeling Christmas all around And I'm trying to play it cool But it's hard to focus when I see him walking 'cross the room Let It Snow is blasting out But I won't get it in the mood I'm avoiding every mistletoe until I know it's

True love that he thinks of So next Christmas I'm not all alone, boy

Santa, tell me if you're really there Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year Santa, tell me if he really cares 'Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year

After you both cleaned up and had a little more fun in the shower, the two of you were snuggled up in your warm bed with a Christmas movie on, Wanda laying on her back while you were half on top of her laying on your stomach with your arms wrapped around her and hers wrapped around you “I love you” you muttered, resting your chin on her chest and closing your eyes when she pushed your wet hair out of your eyes, her hair tied back in a braid “I love you too, moya lyubov’” she said, pressing a kiss to your forehead while you reached up and took her left hand, gently running your thumb over the engagement ring.

“I can’t wait to marry you” you said, smiling as you looked at the ring on her finger, the smile growing when she laced her fingers with yours “I can’t wait either, just two more months” she said, smiling at you and her having feared no one would ever love her, but then she met you and she wouldn’t change that for the world “Merry Christmas, Wanda” you said, giving her a squeeze as you got comfortable with your head on her chest “Merry Christmas, Y/N” she said, kissing your head as she wrapped her arms more securely around you, glad to have met the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

I've been down this road before Fell in love on Christmas night But on New Year's Day, I woke up and he wasn't by my side Now I need someone to hold Be my fire in the cold But it's hard to tell if this is just a fling or if it's

True love that he thinks of So next Christmas I'm not all alone, boy

Santa, tell me if you're really there Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year Santa, tell me if he really cares 'Cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year

Oh, I wanna have him beside me, like oh-woo-oh On the 25th, by that fireplace, oh-woo-oh

Permanent Taglist: @rianncreates​​​​ / @natasha-danvers​​​​ / @youngandwildx7​​​​ / @hopingforbarnes​​​​ / @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​​​​

Marvel Taglist: @thanossexual​​​​

Female Marvel Characters: @imnotasuperhero​​​​

End Note: I hope you guys enjoyed!! If you’d like to be added to a Taglist, shoot me an Ask or a DM!! Have a good day/night!! And look out for Vee’s entry!! :)

[pleasereadmeok]

A Goode Year? Review of 2020

Can’t believe it’s that time again.  What a weird year.  Despite Covid and Lockdowns we have actually seen quite a lot of Matthew Goode this year - so this is a long post to save for when you are bored of eating over the holidays!    I’m not adding links to vids, etc. like previous years because tumblr doesn’t like them anymore [Grr] but all of them are still available and I’ll signpost them. 

In January Matthew was finishing filming A Discovery of Witches Season 2 in Turin and we had some glimpses of his leather clad bod in some Teresa Palmer instastories - 

...and in Sky’s ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ Excellent sneak peek. 

... and Joshua’s uncle Lee gave us a few gorgeous pics ...

In February we saw Matthew and Sophie having fun at the Pre - BAFTA party 

[Pics - Dave Benett] 

The rest of that month was all about Leap Year’s 10 year anniversary and we drooled over Declan all over again ....

In March Matthew was finishing filming Silent Night with Keira Knightley when the world changed.  We were introduced to ‘social distancing’.    We had to keep a full Matthew Goode length away from other people - a handy reference is below to remind you -

[Pic - Ellen Von Unwerth]   On the upside the news broke that Matthew would be playing Keira’s husband in Silent Night (as we suspected) and that they had finished filming before lockdown in the UK.  

In April Matthew had his 42nd birthday.  Check out all of the fabulous birthday tributes posted on here around 3rd April.  As a special birthday present Sky released ‘Four Kids and It’ on their cinema channel on the same day with Matthew playing the role of slightly harassed parent David.  It was a goode family movie and just what we needed in lockdown. 

[Pics - Sky Cinema] 

In May we got our first glimpse of Matthew in lockdown when he made a poignant contribution to Bletchley Park’s VE Day celebrations - 

[Vid available on Bletchley Park You Tube] 

It was perfectly judged - just Matthew filming himself on his phone, in his garden, complete with birdsong.  

“This is your finest hour.”

According to James Purefoy and Joe Fattorini Matthew shaved off his hair with the dog clippers in lockdown so he looked a bit different the next time we saw him in June!  

Matthew appeared via zoom on ‘Dan Nicholls Really Likes Wine’ show - ‘Drinking the Goode Stuff’.  It was great seeing these old friends bantering away and drinking wine.  Of course Goode fans immediately campaigned to get Matthew on The Wine Show @ Home and we got our wish a few weeks later when Joe and Matthew had a virtual wine tasting on zoom - 

The whole session was hilarious.  Matthew was completely adorable and funny as usual.  Amongst other things Matthew told us that Sophie had gone off pork (not a euphemism) and we got another peek at his beautiful home with Sophie’s interior design skills on show.   This is also still available on The Wine Show @Home You Tube. 

June also gave us the new trailer for ‘The King’s Man’.  We heard Matthew’s unmistakable voice as the Scots bad guy and there were some tantalising peeks of his character’s mysterious alter ego ‘Shepherd’ - 

In July we finally got to see one of Matthew’s Q & A sessions for actors in training at Bow Street Academy in Dublin that he had recorded in May - 

Matthew gave frank, funny and very practical advice on auditions, preparation for roles and demonstrated how to be scary with a knife! 

August was a bit quiet - we got news that A Discovery of Witches Season 2 would now be aired in January 2021 but a new promo image helped soften the blow of that delay. - 

[Pic - Sky]

Kingsman was delayed yet again....  but at least we got some new promo images of Matthew’s character - Captain Maximillian Morton.  (Morton? Hmm - someone on here (not me!)  spotted the relation to Roxy!]

[Pics - Total Film/Empire]

In September Matthew’s new movie ‘The Duke’ received glowing reviews at the Venice Film Festival and we got confirmation of my speculation that he would play barrister Jeremy Hutchinson.  

Tantalisingly goode info about Matthew’s up coming movie Silent Night came from Baz Bamigboye from the Daily Mail as he called it ‘the most astonishing Christmas movie ever made’ - hopefully he meant it in a goode way!  We had fun spotting Matthew’s body parts in the pictures accompanying the article ...  

[Pic Daily Mail] 

Production on A Discovery of Witches season 3 started under strict Covid rules and Matthew was seen filming for ADOW Season 3 in Bristol - 

[Anthony Ward]

October was a very goode month!  

It kicked off with The Wine Show Season 3 teaser - 

Matthew ‘sub-section’ Goode joined in with the ADOW cast Q & A.  He was a funny and engaging as ever including an unforgettable impression of a ‘wafter’ and a hasty exit at the end!  

We had the official ‘first look’ trailer for season 2 of A Discovery of Witches - 

[pic - my edit]

The Wine Show season 3 landed on Amazon Prime in the UK and it is SO goode even tho’ there is less Matthew than usual due to filming clashes with ADOW.  Matthew was still his adorably goofy self and gave us the usual interesting fashion choices and jokes.  

[My Edit] 

October also brought us a new tie in cover for Shadow of Night - 

[Pic - Deborah Harkness Twitter]

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement for October we got the official news that there will be another Downton Abbey movie - starting to film in March 2021. Hopefully we will see more of him in this one! 

[Pic - Carnival]

Matthew usually keeps his charity projects private but in November we saw him donating his ADOW ‘wedding day’ boots to be auctioned for the Small Steps Project ....

...complete with on mud from the set.  Some lucky person is probably stroking that suede as I write this! 

[Pics - Small Steps project] 

Matthew also recorded some charming contributions to the #SaveJenny campaign.  He evicted the dog from her favourite chair by the radiator in the kitchen and sat there to read the opening chapter of Wind in the Willows - 

and later ‘The Night before Christmas’ poem complete with music! 

You can still see these contributions and most importantly DONATE  - links are listed below - 

December has been all about A Discovery of Witches season 2 - with a stunning second trailer and plenty of teasers and pictures from Sky and Bad Wolf - there are too many to include but here’s a few - 

[Pics my edit / sky/badwolf]

So what of next year?  So many goode things to look forward to.  I’ll do ‘Goode Things coming in 2021′ a bit earlier next year because January is gonna be BUSY for Goode fans!   

Thank you SO MUCH for making time to read this blog.  And a big thank you to Goode fans who create content to share with others on here and on matthew-goode.net.  We really appreciate the effort that everyone puts in to sharing the Goode Stuff.  

Lastly I have to thank Matthew Goode who patiently tolerates the fan nonsense while he tries to pretend that he doesn’t actually have any fans anyway!  

Cheers Matthew! 

[riversofmars]

I have an idea for a prompt! How about 13 becomes human again for whatever reason, she meets River, and without either knowing the other still manage to get together?

Thank you for this brilliant prompt! Not gonna lie, I was thinking coffee shop AU initially but I think I’ve come up with something better! 

For River this is set post Manhattan pre Darillium while she’s teaching at Luna U, she hasn't met 13 and obviously doesn't recognise her. 13 - for whatever reason as per the prompt - is under the influence of the Chameleon Arch and human, not remembering who she is.

Hope you like it!

Rating: G

Word Count: 1800

AO3

Stuff of Legends

“What are you doing in here?“

The Doctor jumped when a voice cut through the silence at Luna University Library. It was late, very late, in fact. 2am was fast approaching and the library had been empty apart from her. She had chosen the time deliberately, she had banked on people being asleep or off partying for fresher’s week.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was…“ She looked around anxiously to see a figure approaching along the rows of shelves.

“You know this area is restricted, right?“ A woman came into view, wild curly hair, silky blouse and a keen sparkle in her eyes. There as a sort of amusement in her voice and she tilted her head as she looked her up and down. The Doctor got the sense she wouldn’t tell on her, at least not yet.

“Yeah, well, uhh… my archive request was denied so I thought…“ She didn’t really know what to say. She knew access to this section of the Library was restricted but she had come a long way for it and when her request was denied by the Academy of Time Travel, she had decided to go about it another way.

“You thought you would sneak in here instead?“ The woman concluded with a smirk.

“Well, they didn’t really give an explanation so…“ The Doctor scratched the back of her head. She was anxious about having been caught but so far, the other woman didn’t seem to mind too much. Perhaps she had snuck in here as well.

“Oh there was this incident, quite a long time ago now, a student snuck into the Academy’s archives and took an ancient vortex manipulator to have a sneak peak at her future essay papers… I mean, you can’t plagiarise yourself so they could hardly expel her but they did get a lot pickier with admitting people to their archives.“ The woman explained pleasantly.

“Well, firstly, that’s very clever of the student and secondly, very unreasonable to restrict everyone else’s access to the archives when some of us have actual research to do.“ The Doctor huffed, somewhere between admiration and annoyance. “Surely the student in question has long graduated…“

“And is a professor now. Professor River Song.“ River extended her hand to her with a smirk and the Doctor’s face fell.

“Oh, uhh… you’re a professor? You work here, I…I shouldn’t be here…“ She stammered, realising her mistake. This woman was staff! And she had caught her red handed.

“No, you shouldn’t be and yet you are.“ River observed sounding surprisingly unbothered about it which sort of made sense if she had been the student in question. The Doctor wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or worried. “What are you doing?“ River asked curiously and looked to the books the Doctor had gathered on a desk.

“Uh… just some research…“ The Doctor answered nervously.

“What are you studying?“ River picked up a book that she knew well. It was one of the more comprehensive guides on supposed Timelord meddling through time.

“Well, not technically a student…“ The Doctor admitted. She wasn’t sure what to say. This woman was thoroughly confusing. She was a professor here but also seemed to have an affinity for bending the rules. Could she trust her not to rat her out?

“So you didn’t just sneak into the Academy’s library section but into the university in general?“ River sounded impressed.

“No, I mean, I’m not a student, I’m a doctor, visiting lecturer… Luna University is meant to have the greatest collection of Timelord artefacts so…“ The Doctor felt the need to set the record straight.

“A doctor, huh? You sure you’re old enough?“ River smirked and the Doctor found herself blushing under her appraising gaze. Was she flirting with her?

“You don’t exactly strike me as a stuffy old professor either.“ She retorted before she could think better of it.

“Touché.“ River laughed lightly and looked back at the collection of books, scriptures and star charts. “Why the interests in the Timelords? Most people don’t even believe them to be real.“ She observed picking up another book to read the back of it.

“I don’t know, I just… personal interest, I guess. Something about them just intrigues me.“ The Doctor replied growing more self conscious. She felt a little silly. A lot of academics looked down on those paddling theories that the Timelords actually existed. Most people believed them to be the stuff of legends. While time travel was certainly real, the idea of almost celestial beings able to live forever seemed too fantastical to be true. While there was certainly something the legends were based on, there was no way of knowing which bits were fact and which were fiction.

“What’s your field?“ River asked curiously putting the book down.

“Astrophysics.“ The Doctor answered slowly. “Yours?“

“Archeology.“ River replied in amusement. “I’m much more likely to take an interest in this sort of thing than you, how do the Timelords relate to your research?“ It was a fair question.

“Star charts… well, that’s where I started. Everything else doesn’t really relate. I’m just… curious, they’re fascinating.“ The Doctor admitted, sticking her hands in the pockets of her coat before shrugging.

“Well, the stuff of legends always is.“ River chuckled.

“Unfortunately, I’m not likely to getting any answers here.“ The Doctor sighed feeling a little bit more comfortable now. It didn’t look like this woman would tell on her but it seemed to have been a wasted trip regardless.

“Answers to what?“ River asked and the Doctor shrugged again, with a little laugh this time:

“You know, I don’t even know… I can’t really explain it… never mind.“ She waved it off. “I can’t read it anyway, whatever this language is, I don’t understand it.“ She opened one of the books and held it out to River, pointing out the circular writing.

“It’s High Gallifreyan.“ River answered as she took the book off her. “The language of the Timelords, that’s what it’s called.“ Her eyes skimmed the page.

“You make it sound like they actually existed.“ The Doctor chuckled. “Is that your field of archeology? Mystical civilisations?“

“Perhaps.“ River winked. “Would you like some help?“ She handed the book back over with a smile.

“You can… you can read this?“ The Doctor exclaimed in shock, surprise and delight all at once.

“Don’t tell anyone.“ River chuckled and looked around to check no-one had heard her.

“How?!“ The Doctor didn’t know what to say. “How do you know how to read this? It’s not like you can just take language classes in this, can you?“ She was in awe.

“My husband taught me.“ River revealed with a sly sort of smile.

“Your husband?“ The Doctor’s face fell, she didn’t even know why she felt disappointed but she did. She had only just met this woman.

“Is that disappointment I hear in your voice?“ River had picked up on it right away and the Doctor blushed scarlet.

“What? No, I mean…“ She stuttered. “Uhm, your husband… does that mean, are you telling me you’re married to a… Timelord?“ The Doctor tried to deflect.

“If you presume that to be his one defining feature, I suppose so.“ River shrugged.

“So they are real? Timelords are actually…“ The Doctor didn’t know what to say.

“He is also the last Timelord. Or was… I’m not actually sure where he is these days, we haven’t seen each other in a while.“ River sighed with another shrug.

“But you just said he’s your husband.“ The Doctor frowned, she wasn’t making a whole lot of sense.

“He’s not the type to allow himself to be held too tightly.“ River smiled though the Doctor was sure there was a sadness behind her eyes. “We… things are complicated, when you’re married to a time traveller. For all I know I might never see him again.“

“And you’re just fine with that?“ The Doctor asked softly.

“Like you say, if he’s really a Timelord, he’s the stuff of legends. An ageless god. You don’t expect the sunset to admire you back.“ River retorted returning her attention to the books on the table, she ran her fingers over one of the ancient star charts absentmindedly.

“That sounds painful.“ The Doctor mused sharing in her sadness.

“Makes you appreciate the shared times all the more.“ River grinned as her wistfulness passed and the Doctor smiled and nodded, she understood. “To be honest, I don’t like being tied down either so we suit each other very well.“ River smirked gaining her swagger back.

“I see.“ The Doctor chuckled.

“That means if you would like to get a drink sometime, or if you would like some help translating these, I’m available.“ River elaborated when her initial statement didn’t have the desired effect of flustering the blonde. She looked up from the star charts to the Doctor waiting for the penny to drop. Her explanation did the trick as the Doctor went red in the face again.

“Really? I mean… you’re not… he’s not gonna…“ She stammered.

“Every time could be the last time, every Christmas could be last Christmas, that’s the thing about time, something you learn as a time traveller, you have to learn to live in the present.“ River winked and reached out and ran her fingers along the yellow braces the Doctor was wearing. “You do remind me a lot of him, you know, I don’t know… probably just my imagination. Or the fact that I’m really very attracted to you.“ She smirked.

“You’re uhh… very forward…“ The Doctor swallowed nervously.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.“ River’s confidence faltered for a moment, genuine concern came over her. “If I misread the situations, I…“

“No, no, it’s fine, I mean… I’d like a drink. With you.“ The Doctor burst out quickly, she didn’t want her to change her mind. “I’d like to go for a drink with you and spend some time together…“

“Good. I mean, great!“ River grinned, relieved. “There is this nice little bar across campus… You don’t need these books, I can tell you everything you could possibly want to know.“

“Lead the way, Professor.“ The Doctor nodded, a grin spreading across her face.

“I don’t think you ever told me your name, what do I call you, Doctor?“ River asked mirroring her expression.

“Maybe just that. I know it probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but I never really… felt comfortable with my name… Jane Smith… just doesn’t mean anything to me. Most people just call me Doctor.“ The Doctor shrugged with an apologetic smile. She wasn’t sure if River would understand but she thought it best to be honest.

“Is that so…“ River gave her a smile, her expression incredibly hard to read. “It’s a funny old universe, isn’t it.“ She held out her hand to the Doctor. “You never know what the future holds, you just live it.“

[himbo-the-clown]

Okay yes I’m Jewish Father Brown posting again but I don’t yet have the time/energy to write my Jewish Inspectors fic and I want to project my Jewish Feelings onto these men so hear me out

Not only are all the inspectors Jewish, but they all deal with being Jewish in a heavily Catholic post-war small village in a different way

Valentine:

He’s kind of come to terms with the fact that antisemitism is just... part of his life. It’s gonna happen. He won’t actively antagonise anyone or flaunt that he’s Jewish, but he’s also not about to pretend to be xtian either

Yes he’s an atheist, yes he’s Jewish, no those two aren’t incompatible and he will be pissy about it if you ask him how he can be both. He’ll answer you, sure, but he’ll make it Very Clear he doesn’t appreciate it

Generally, he’s Not Here To Educate the xtians about Judaism

When he first meets Sullivan there’s a sort of moment of Recognition. He makes sure as he’s leaving to drop a hint that he’s also Jewish. Just so Sullivan knows that he’ll at least mostly be safe there

Okay so side tangent Sid headcanon that will become relevant: Sid’s Jewish. He was sent away during the Blitz (I’m estimating based on vague calculations that he was about 15 or so at the time) to an xtian family, and when his parents died he just sort of had to stay. So he was raised xtian and was never allowed to acknowledge that he was Jewish. I mean, most people can sort of tell and he gets stereotyped a lot for it, but he doesn’t know why because he’s just totally oblivious and the family he stayed with were Very Insistent that he was a good xtian boy and not a Jew and he ended up pretty much forgetting. He’s kind of heard hints of it from his grandmother when he gets to see her, but she wasn’t in a position to raise him and she thinks he’s probably safer not knowing

Anyway Valentine is very protective over Sid cause he sees this young Jewish guy who doesn’t even know that he has a whole culture, a whole family of people all over the country. A family who are collectively grieving. Sid doesn’t know what horrors have befallen his people (he knows what happened, but not that they’re His People). Valentine’s heart aches a bit whenever he thinks about it and he sort of vows to protect Sid in his own gruff way.

Valentine is proud of being Jewish but in a very quiet way. He’s not going to change himself to fit xtian society but also he’s sensible enough to know it’s a pretty bad idea for him to be Too Loud about it in Kembleford

Sullivan:

Oh this man fakes everything. He has never been authentic a day in his life. He pretends to be xtian, he pretends to be cishet, he pretends to be neurotypical. Nothing about how this man presents himself is authentic

He’s valid though, he knows the dangers of being different and he’s not about to give people a reason to hurt him

He’s from the East End of London, so he’s actually not used to hiding his Judaism as much. He’s from a heavily Jewish community and he was terrified when he got transferred to a small village

Why does he wear so much hair gel? Curls. Big springy Jewish curls. He can’t let people see them. He’s very very very strict about having hair gel in any time he leaves the house. Enough hair gel to keep his hair straight, which is a lot

He’s sort of... trying. To pretend to be xtian. But he’s really not very good at it. Like I said, he grew up in a heavily Jewish neighbourhood, he doesn’t know much about xtians other than, y’know, all the times they’ve oppressed the Jews. So he sort of goes to church when he remembers and tries to copy everyone else, but it doesn’t work very well. And he’ll pretend to celebrate Christmas but it doesn’t make much sense to him and he’s very uncomfortable

Most of his hostility towards Father Brown is because of the big alarm bells that go off in his head when he sees a priest in general. At all times he’s half expecting the Father to start talking about the “hypocrites in the synagogue” or some other equally thinly veiled antisemitism. He’s had Bad Experiences, he’s traumatised, and he’s having a Very Bad Time

He’s half envious of Sid and half pities him. Part of him wishes he was as ignorant of antisemitism and Judaism as Sid is, part of him wishes that Sid was as painfully aware of it as he is. But all of him feels a weird attachment to Sid because they’re both queer nd Jews, even if Sid doesn’t know it

He also sort of hates the Father for hanging out with Sid because he’s heard all the stories of priests stealing Jewish children to raise them xtian and while it’s not Quite the same situation with Sid, it’s a painful sort of echo of it, and he just desperately wants to save Sid, to teach him about who he is. And because of this mental association, seeing Sid do anything xtian feels like a punch to the stomach for him because it reminds him that Sid doesn’t know he’s Jewish

He got this sort of painful gut wrenching feeling when he saw Sid dressed as a priest. Like he felt physically sick even once he realised it was just an undercover job. It just hit way too close to home, especially with Sid not even knowing he’s not xtian

He’s calmed down a lot and is less jumpy by the time he leaves. He even thinks it’s a little funny when he finds out that the man taking over for him is also Jewish. He thinks about Valentine, he thinks about himself, he thinks about Mallory, and he thinks about how they’re sort of like a family. Almost like three generations, like being the Inspector is a family business. It makes him feel kind of warm and fuzzy in a way he hasn’t felt since his last Passover back in London with his whole family sitting around the seder table, and he can’t wait to have Passover with them again soon

Mallory (beloved bastard man):

He leans into it hard

Yeah, he’s Jewish, and what the fuck do you plan to do about it?

Durham has never really been known for it’s Jewish community, so he’s more than used to being the only Jew around

Part of why he’s such a horrible little bastard man is that he’s come to just accept Jewish stereotypes. His thought process is a little something like “if you’re going to accuse me of it anyway, I might as well do it”

He’s a stubborn guy, so he just decides to embody all the stuff people think he should be. Sure he’ll be annoying and rude and immoral and promiscuous and weak and all the other horrible things xtians think a Jewish man is

No he will not participate in xtian things if he can help it. He will not go to church, he will not celebrate Christmas unless he has to, he will not call Father Brown “Father”

He calls him “padre” because he refuses to call a priest “Father” it’s just too weird and xtian to him

He does NOT like Sid. He hates Sid a lot. He kinda blames Sid for not working harder to hold on to his Judaism (he’s Not valid for this, but it’s how he feels)

Anyway I’m not saying any of this is Good, but like.......let me have my Bad Jewish Representation

Also I like to think he speaks Yiddish :3

Anyway, one day I’ll write my Jewish Inspectors fic

[fangirlovestuff]

A Very Colin Christmas - Colin Shea x reader

Ch. 2 - The Proposal

a/n - hey lovely people!! here goes chapter 2, and this is where things really start to get interesting... enjoy;)

read ch.1

Summary: You help Colin with some Christmas decorations, but it turns out he does have one more thing to ask you...

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: curse words, innuendos

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After Colin left to try and get a tree, you went back to your apartment to tidy up a little and write cards to give out. You wrote all the big ones first, for your family and close friends, and then wrote the ones for coworkers and other people for whom a simple "Merry Christmas" would suffice. It was a little extra to write cards for all the presents you gave out, but it wasn't too much of a bother.

You were just putting the cards in place when you heard a knock on your door. "Just a second!" you yelled out and finished with the cards.

You opened the door to reveal Colin, smiling. "Let's go," you said, locking the door behind you and going with him to his apartment across the hall.

When you entered you were greeted by the sight of a little tree in the living room, but more importantly with the delicious smell of takeout. You were painfully reminded you hadn't had dinner yet when your mouth watered at the smell.

"I got some takeout on my way as well," said Colin and made his way to the kitchen. "You want some?" he yelled.

"Yeah, I'd love some," you said, grateful. You started to look at the pile of decorations on the couch, wondering where it would be best to put each one.

Colin came back with two very delicious smelling plates, one of them you accepted before sitting down on the couch beside him. You ate and chatted a bit. He asked you a little about your job and you ranted about your shitty boss for a bit.

"Well, lucky for me I'm the boss of me. And I gotta say, I'm a pretty great one," Colin replied, smirking.

"Oh yeah, how's that going for you?" you asked. A week ago, you had seen him in the park with some kid and he tried to hide from you. "The babysitting business must be thriving with you in it," you grinned.

"Ha ha," he replied dryly. "For your information, that was my nephew, and I definitely did not get paid for that," he grimaced slightly. "But my actual work, which is music, is going great, thanks for asking."

"I'm glad," you chuckled.

When you finished your dinner, it was time for decorating. At first you were hesitant, asking Colin if the place was okay for every single ornament you hung, but you quickly realized he didn't really care, and started getting more and more confident. Eventually, you were telling Colin where he should put the stuff he was hanging.

At some point Colin started to put on some music from his phone, blasting a cheesy Christmas playlist. You started mindlessly humming along, and so did Colin. Gradually, you both started swaying to the beat, until eventually you were both just dancing around, singing at the top of your lungs. You grabbed a candy cane and started using it as a mic, offering it to Colin every other line, and he gladly sang into it, laughter dancing in his eyes.

When the song ended you both collapsed on the couch, side by side, each breathless to some extent. You looked at him and started laughing, and soon he joined you, your laughter booming through the apartment. Another song was playing now, but he lowered the volume so you could speak comfortably.

"Wow, you really are musically talented," you said once your laughter had died down, "I'm impressed."

"Thank you, thank you!" he got up and bowed with a flourish, waving at an invisible crowd. "You're not too bad yourself," he said once he sat back down.

"Thank you!" you said, your hand on your heart, feigning deep gratitude. "It means so much when an expert like you says that," you rolled your eyes.

"You sound like my mom," he raised his eyebrow and reached for his beer on the table, taking a large gulp.

"I can't tell if that's good or bad," you chuckled.

"Definitely bad. She's still waiting for me to give it up, and so is my entire family. They seem to forget I've been doing this for years now. My mom is very adamant that it's a phase. She is, of course, forgetting my expertise, as you framed so nicely," he said with a bitter smile.

"Sounds like a lovely lady," you smiled.

"Yeah. I love them but loving them from afar is easier. Soon they're gonna be here, so don't be surprised if you hear some shouting," he smiled.

"Why would you shout? It's the holidays!"

"Exactly. It's gonna be all 'Colin, why don't you have a job?' and 'Colin, when are you gonna settle down with a nice girl?' like I'm a fucking baby," he took another swig of his beer. "And because I do have a job, and I tell them that, that's when the shouting begins," he said with a shrug.

"What about the nice girl?" you smirked, and Colin just looked at you with a puzzled expression. "I mean, you just told me your answer for the first question, but why don't you settle down with a nice girl?" you raised your eyebrow at him.

"Well, it's simple," he leaned closer, putting his hand on the couch beside you, "I like 'em naughty," he murmured and smirked.

"Okay," you rolled your eyes and pushed him away playfully. "I hope that's not what you're gonna tell your mom."

"No," he sighed in defeat, "but it's sure as hell what I'm gonna tell Andy," he smirked, "that jerk doesn't know what fun is. He was like that even before he got married. Pity," he shrugged.

"Andy?"

"My perfect big brother. Perfect idiot if you ask me."

"You don't actually hate him that much," you said, convinced you were right.

"Not really," he admitted. "But he's a lawyer with a wife and a kid. You can do the math as to what expectations that sets for me."

"So you're jealous of him."

"God no, I wouldn't be a lawyer if you paid me in gold," Colin chuckled. "It looks so fucking boring."

"But you're jealous that he's getting your parents' approval," you remarked.

He stayed silent for a moment. "Maybe," he shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like that's going to change anytime soon."

"What, like you want it to? Colin, you've come to hide out in my apartment three times in the last week. I know enough to say you're not really looking for a girlfriend," you chuckled.

"I know, I know," he said, "but I kinda wish I'd have like, a girlfriend for the weekend, you know? Like a fake girlfriend to prove my family wrong, and then I'd go back to normal," he shrugged.

"Why not post an ad? People will do anything for money."

"I'm not buying a girlfriend!" he scrunched up his nose, "even I don't stoop that low. That's really fucking pathetic."

"Okay then," you chuckled, "how about ask one of your hookups?"

"Something tells me they wouldn't be up for it," he grimaced, taking another sip from his beer.

"Really? What about Stella from a couple of days ago? Two days isn't that long to ghost a girl," you shrugged.

"Oh, is that what I said her name was?" he furrowed his brows.

"Okay, I see your point," you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I do have an idea… but you have to promise not to hit me if I tell you," he grinned. You contemplated it with a smile before motioning for him to go ahead. "Maybe… you could pretend to be my girlfriend for the weekend?"

You reached out to swat him but he dodged your blow quickly, "You said you wouldn't hit me!" he pouted.

"That's before I knew you were going to say something stupid! Besides, I didn't actually say anything," you objected, but crossed your hands on your chest nonetheless.

"C'mon, it'll be fun!" he smiled hesitantly. "What are your plans anyway?"

"Sit in my apartment and watch Christmas movies," you grumbled. "My family usually meets after Christmas, because 'roads are always jammed on the holidays', so I stay in."

"See? Your family's weird, so you can help me get my annoying one off my back!"

"Hey! Only I can call my family weird," you bumped your elbow into his side. "But I guess I don't have anything that much better to do," you said after a few seconds.

"Yes!" he pumped his fist in celebration, "I promise you won't regret it, baby," he leaned in and you rolled your eyes and pushed him away.

"Okay, Casanova," you chuckled, "but I do have some ground rules. First of all, PDA to a minimum, okay? No kisses," you raised your eyebrows at him and he pouted in response.

"Cheek kisses?" he asked.

"Maybe," you sighed. "Rule number two – no funny business," you gestured vaguely.

"What does that mean?" he chuckled.

"I don't know," you said, "just… be normal?"

"I thought the entire point of this was that I didn't seem like my normal self," he scratched his chin as if in deep thought.

"Well, I meant be a normal person in normal people standards."

"You got it," he grinned.

When you got back to your apartment, he escorted you to your door.

"See you, Colin. Goodnight," you smiled.

"Goodnight. And… thank you," he smiled back, "for saving my ass. Today and hopefully over the weekend."

"Don't thank me yet," you smirked, prompting him to chuckle. "Bye," you said as you closed your door behind you.

So… looks like you're going to have a very interesting weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tell me your thoughts!! honestly i have mixed feelings about some of the dialogue in this one, because i really like it but at the same time idk... anyways i hope that you enjoyed and have a wonderful rest of your day<3

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A Very Colin Christmas Taglist: @janaygrant

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[britishsass]

7 or 8 or both ;)

Heh, I kept you waiting for awhile, didn't I. Sorry 'bout that-- Computer decided to fail me after I saw your ask, and I've been procrastinating.

Anyways, anyone curious, this is from this ask meme.

I'm putting it under a cut because... uh... I didn't shut up.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This one is hard, since I don't tend to like my prose as much. Though I will say, I do kinda like how I wrote Fallen Down. Especially the switch between the jovial talk of making coffee and a little bit of playful ribbing at Fred to suddenly "...And then it all stopped being funny."

Warning for death here! Big time.

"He could even hear the loud noise when it slammed into the ground. Shattering and splatting and cracking. Dirt, hard as concrete in the frozen winter air, meeting something it was never meant to meet. Fred stared through the window at the body, still twitching for just a moment, as flakes of snow and dusty concrete fall around it, taunting the man who beat them there. Someone walked past, greeting him, but Fred only stared outside. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to work like nothing was going on? Was he supposed to go talk to others? Call an ambulance, call for help, anything? He was a senior-ranking orderly, after all. He was supposed to know what to do. He dropped his mug, just to watch it too shatter on the ground. Its fall was much shorter. "

The writing here is something I actually kinda like. I really feel like it slows down enough to fully take in that feeling of "Oh my god oh my god what the heck just happened what the HECK" that Fred's feeling in that moment. It's a bit dreamlike, in that feeling like you're gonna wake up now, and it'll be over. As well, the juxtaposition between the coffee mug and Thorney was something I liked, because the coffee mug was from just a little bit ago, where I was joking around and talking about Fred bumping his head on the fridge. And suddenly it's gone.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Okay, let's see here. Dialogue is definitely my strong suit, and I think my favorite parts are the banter bits. I have so many of those, though, so here's some highlights from four stories.

From you set sail alone, there is no crew:

“Water… My family has a curse where if we touch it, then we die.” “Huh. Sucks to be you.”

“It wasn’t. I’ve not even seen Mullet Man yet. Does he still have that dumb mullet--” “Yep.” “Heh. I don’t know how I’d insult him if he ever got a fashion sense.” “Oh, y’know. You’d find something.” “I’ve been trying to come up with something he can’t use on me when I get my body back-- Wanna hear?” “Not really.”

From Mentallis's Museum Mayhem:

“...No, really, you guys are allowed to ask questions. I’m not a lecturer.” “If you sound like Crully talking about the final frontier, I’m going to sleep through it,” Lucy warned.

“Yeah. But we don’t need to go there, if you don’t want. I tried to keep it more to the, ah… Post-insanity segment.” “...no giant goat puppets?” “No giant goat puppets, I promise.”

Cocoa and Cuddles, a short story I wrote as a Christmas present for-- you, heh.

“Put that in human terms, Otto.” “It’s still freezing. I put my thermometer in Kelvin, don’t expect me to know things like ‘celciheit’ or ‘farenius’ or whatever.” “I’m going to get brain freeze just listening to you one of these days. You’ll go into my head and find a godd-mn grave, marked with ‘here lies Ford, Otto finally did it’ or something.”

“What if you died because of a new type of flu, Otto? That’d be the worst way to die.” “I think the worst way to die would be right now because you two decided talking about this was more important than getting inside. Are you coming?”

"“One of these days, I’m going to get you to braid that,” Lucy said. “Someday. But you’ll need to ask very nicely first.” “Then it won’t happen today, for sure.”

And, of course... Otto's Ordeal wouldn't be complete without the fun lines in the midst of the angst.

Helmut bringing back "Is this a bus" always gets me--"“...Compton? Uh, what are these things? Are those busses?” He pointed to the vehicles pulling in on rails. “They don’t look like trains…”"

“Now, now. There’s bound to be a point to it. Has Otto ever made anything that doesn’t have a point?” “Yes.”

“I’ll have you know that Alan Turing absolutely was a great man, and--” “I know, you’ve told me a hundred times before. He was a gay computer scientist and one of your first crushes. I know, Otto.” “Wh-- I did not have a crush on Alan Turing--”

However, I've also got a few lines that are less funny that get me every time. Here's a few of those as well, from the same stories.

From you set sail alone, there is no crew:

“Got so used to falling that I stopped trying to get back up again.” “Well, at least others can help you get back up, right?” “I… don’t know.”

"For a forget-me-not, he was pretty forgetful when it came to me.”

I didn't have any from MMM or Cocoa, but Otto's Ordeal is full of that.

“F-ck the code names! I don’t know where my husband is, again. He could be in danger, again. And I could never see him again AGAIN!”

“...Looks like rain,” Bob quietly stated. She turned to him, close to yelling, but she could see the look in his eyes that said it wasn’t meant as a rude comment at all. “I-- I mean, since you work with water, and you look like you’re going to cry, so-- You know what, how about we just forget I said anything. Do you want a hug?”

Anyways, that's all I have at the moment. I likely show my bias towards Bob dialogue a lot when it comes to the sad stuff, but... it just sticks out to me.

[anextraordinarymuse]

LOVED your last post. Could have read more—ALL you wanted to write. Thank you!

You know what, anon? I just saw the new sneak peek from Parade of 8x09, and I am feeling exhausted. I am so tired of this game. So you know what? We’re gonna take another little ride on the “We’re not crazy, here’s all the proof” train re: Nathan is endgame. I hope you’re ready to read!  =)

The cast, writers, and characters themselves have already told us that Lucas isn’t endgame. I’ll start with an interview from Erin Krakow (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98IN4aE0LYE) where she’s asked what she would like to see in season 9. Erin says that she’d like to see how the chosen man fits into life with little Jack - and she says she wants to see Elizabeth and said man “without the complication of the other man. Getting to have real dates, and see what that romance and courtship is like ...” At this point in season 8, I don’t think that comment makes any real sense as far as Lucas is concerned. We’ve seen nothing but their dates and their courtship this season. There is still the complication of the other man, because we know that Nathan is still very much in the picture, but I would argue that he’s not really that much of a complication since it hasn’t stopped Elizabeth and Lucas from going on dates or courting. We’ve seen them go to dinner, go on picnics, hold hands, almost kiss ... season 8 has basically been all about their dating and courtship. You know who hasn’t been on a real date? Elizabeth and Nathan. We have no idea what a romance or courtship between them is like, so I would point out that Erin’s answer only makes sense if Nathan is the endgame. 

But we also know that there’s usually always a theme to each season. Would anyone disagree at this point if I said that the theme of season 8 is fighting and conflict? Because come on. This whole season has been about conflict for pretty much every character: the conflict between Rachel and her mom (and then Rachel and Rosemary and Lee); the conflict between Carson and what he wants, and between Carson and Faith; the conflict between Henry and Christopher; between Christopher and Lucas; between Lucas and Nathan; between Nathan and Elizabeth ... etc. This season is about conflict and fighting. More specifically, it’s about fighting for love (and fighting against it). Considering that, it’s very telling that we’ve been told outright by Chris McNally and by Lucas that Lucas has no intention of fighting for Elizabeth. Like, straight up. Chris McNally has said that Lucas only wants what’s best for Elizabeth, whatever that may be. Which isn’t too crazy on its own. But, look at it in the context of the characters. Elizabeth says early on in the season, to Lucas, that love needs to be fought for. And what does Lucas do? He spits out a retort and walks away. Later in the season, when Nathan tells Lucas that he hasn’t given up on Elizabeth Lucas responds by telling him to do whatever he wants. These are both very telling moments. We’ve got Elizabeth who believes that love is worth fighting for, and Nathan who also believes that, and Lucas, who ... apparently doesn’t. They have given Lucas several chances to meet Elizabeth on this, and he pointedly does not. It’s no accident that it’s Nathan who says the same thing to Elizabeth like half a season later, unprompted, without knowing that she has previously said the same words to Lucas. When Jack and Elizabeth were courting they had their shared phrase: “Love is patient, love is kind.” Now we’re being shown that Nathan and Elizabeth have their shared phrase (although they don’t know/haven’t accepted yet that it’s shared): “Love is worth fighting for.” Lucas and Elizabeth don’t share anything like that. They have some similar talents (speaking French, worldliness, love of writing and reading, etc.) but they don’t seem to share the same views on what’s really important. Also, it’s been pointed out that Lucas isn’t the type to stay in one place for long and that he’s really only in Hope Valley because of Elizabeth. Why point that out unless it’s important? If Lucas and Elizabeth were endgame, how would that work? Because Elizabeth would never leave Hope Valley, and teaching is too pivotal to who she is as a person to give it up - but Lucas has more of a vagabond spirit. Would he be willing to stay in HV permanently? I find that hard to believe.

Juxtapose that with Nathan, who has put down roots in Hope Valley and wants to keep doing so. He’s already talked about building a house, and Allie is pretty settled in their life. Nathan is a family man who likes the simple things, by his own admission. Which of those two men seems to align more with what’s important to Elizabeth? That’s a deliberate difference. 

On a bit of a side note, I’d also like to point out that the phrases that have presented themselves for the Jack/Elizabeth and Nathan/Elizabeth pairings are just another example of how different Jack and Nathan are, and the differences in their relationships. Jack and Elizabeth’s phrase is passive, and gentle, and easy: “Love is patient, love is kind.” Whereas Nathan and Elizabeth’s phrase is active, and speaks of turmoil and difficulty and effort: “Love is worth fighting for.” This is a clever way of highlighting the differences through lexical clues. Jack and Elizabeth’s romance came relatively easy - they had the usual challenges of backgrounds, youth, and self-discovery to face and overcome. Nathan and Elizabeth’s romance is going to come relatively difficulty (as I’m sure all of us exhausted Nathan fans can attest): they have to overcome so much more than Jack and Elizabeth did because they are at different places in their lives and have a lot more baggage. This isn’t the ease of a first romance; this is the tribulation and tumult of a second romance on one side, and a first romance on the other. Think of how difficult that would be on its own, without the added complication of Elizabeth being a widow (and both Nathan and Elizabeth being single parents!). This isn’t a relationship that will come easily: it will be earned, and actively chosen, and fought for. No one has ever fought as hard for Elizabeth as Nathan has - including Jack, because Jack didn’t have to fight as hard. 

Also on that note, you know who doesn’t have to fight for Elizabeth? Lucas. He pursues her, as I touched on in my previous answer, but he doesn’t fight for her. She willingly steps into a romance with him, and they never have to confront her fears or worries, and nothing of note ever happens between them. Everything comes easily to Elizabeth and Lucas. Their only real spot of conflict is ... Nathan. Does that sound at all like Elizabeth’s “next great love?” No. 

Keep in mind, the writers aren’t just convincing Elizabeth and Nathan that they’re in love - they have to convince the audience as well. That’s true of any romance. You have to make people want it - you have to give them something to root for and invest in, otherwise there’s no payoff. The end result will feel hollow. Granted, I would say that the writers took that a little far with all of this. This fight has felt all uphill and ridiculously one sided all season. I have no idea how they’re going to change that or even it out in like two or three episodes (since I think Lucas and Elizabeth will still be a thing in episode 9 and probably at least part of 10).

Anyway, continuing on. If we go back to season 7, it’s clear that Elizabeth wants Nathan’s attention, time, trust, confidence, etc. She accepts those things from Lucas, but she actively seeks them out from Nathan. In the Christmas episode, Elizabeth offers to take Nathan and Allie to find a tree; she offers them the use of her decorations, helps them place it in the house, and then stays to help them decorate it. We also get our first moment of physical closeness and suggestion of a kiss here between Elizabeth and either man, in the quiet intimacy of an evening spent decorating said tree. Elizabeth is damn near against Nathan’s chest and in his arms, and she’s the one to turn and look up into his face. I’ll also point out that it’s Elizabeth who first looks shyly at Nathan when she says “when it’s right, you can just feel it.” Elizabeth immediately looks at Nathan as if she’s suddenly aware of having said something that she maybe didn’t mean to, and then Nathan looks at her - but his expression is not the same. Elizabeth almost looks like she’s been caught out, but Nathan just looks attentive. Anyway, twice in this episode Elizabeth tries to gain Nathan’s confidence (here I mean this definition of confidence: “a secret or private matter told to someone under a condition of trust.”) when she keeps asking him what’s wrong. Oh, and her smile when Nathan tells her there’s no place else he’d rather be? Yeah. She smiles at him like that a lot in season 7.

These themes are repeated everywhere in season 7. Every time Elizabeth and Nathan get closer, Lucas inserts himself in the situation. Elizabeth stops Nathan in the street to talk about Allie’s book report, and Lucas suddenly appears and butts in; Elizabeth makes eye contact with Nathan from across the saloon at the bachelor/bachelorette parties and gives him a sweet smile, and then she sees Lucas/he smiles or however that plays out; Elizabeth looks at Nathan when she says the mystery flowers really made her day because that’s who she thinks they’re from. Also, when Elizabeth is telling Rosemary about her argument with Nathan after the windstorm, and about how Lucas sent his mother her manuscript without asking, she says something about how she’s left wondering how much she can trust Lucas, and how the irony is that Nathan seems to be wondering how much he can trust her. Even though Elizabeth forgives Lucas and it ends up working out in her favor, it’s still very telling that Lucas knew that Elizabeth would probably say no to letting him send the chapters to his mother, so he just didn’t ask and did it anyway. So Lucas has momentarily lost Elizabeth’s trust, which upsets her, but she’s also concerned that she’s lost Nathan’s trust - which she’s been working for all season. 

In fact, season 7 establishes a pattern: in almost every instance in which she has a choice, Elizabeth seeks out Nathan first - as in, before Nathan seeks her out, and before she seeks out Lucas. There are a few exceptions to this, like in the finale of season 6 when she asks Lucas to dance, although if you go back and watch that scene I’m not sure she actually makes a choice. Elizabeth and Nathan do not interact in that scene at all, and she doesn’t actually see him until the moment she sees him walking out the door. So, it’s safe to assume that she probably didn’t even know he was there, in which case it wasn’t really a choice between them. 

In light of season 8, I think we can say that Season 7 was about Elizabeth pursuing Nathan, and season 8 is about Nathan pursuing Elizabeth. We’ve essentially flipped. Lucas has been pursuing Elizabeth since season 6, but she’s more given in to him than she has pursued him. 

And that’s interesting on its own. We find out in season 7 that Lucas’s father pursued his mother for like five years, or some insanely long time, and that she finally gave in to him. If I’m not mistaken, that’s the exact wording that Lucas uses. He then goes on to say that he plans to be as patient as his father was. But then in season 8, we find out that Lucas’s parents are separated and their relationship hasn’t been good for awhile according to Helen. This is clearly an allusion to what the future holds for Lucas and Elizabeth if they were to get that far. Elizabeth asks Helen if she has shown her true self and true heart to her husband, and Helen says no; when Lucas asks Elizabeth “how do you lose that?” in regards to his parents’ love, she says something about how maybe they loved each other at one time, and maybe still did, but it’s clear that it’s uncertain if either of those things are true. So, we find out that the relationship that Lucas has basically used as his basis for chasing Elizabeth is not stable or honest. And of course, we know now that Lucas and Elizabeth’s relationship is neither of those things either. Elizabeth is not showing Lucas her true self or her true heart. 

Also, if you’ve seen the new sneak peek for 8x09, there’s an interesting exchange in that. Basically, Lucas tells Elizabeth that he wasn’t hurt when Elizabeth took Nathan’s hands instead of his, and that she didn’t need to be mortified on his behalf. I’m sorry ... what? This is the woman you have now been courting for some time, and definitely chasing for years, and you ... aren’t at all bothered by the fact that she claimed another man’s hands in a game of “find your true love?” I find that ... odd. Especially considering that this isn’t just some funny, haha accident between, like, Elizabeth and Hickam. This is Elizabeth and Nathan, the man Lucas has been competing with for literal years for Elizabeth’s time and attention and affection. And you just ... don’t mind? Because you should mind. Honestly. If you cared deeply for Elizabeth you should be upset, at least on some level. Unless it was more about the chase for Lucas, and his feelings for her are not on the same level as Nathan’s, and he’s already begun to suspect that Elizabeth’s heart is really with Nathan. 

Because I think that Lucas cares about Elizabeth, and I think that he would be happy with her (at least for a while), but I don’t think that Lucas is in love with Elizabeth. I think he liked the challenge she presented, and he likes trying to sweep her off her feet, but I don’t think it goes much further than that. Here’s Nathan, who stands as sure and as concretely as a lighthouse in a storm, and will not be swayed. Elizabeth runs from him, it looks like Rosemary is going to try to discourage him, he has to watch Elizabeth and Lucas together all over town, has to tell Elizabeth something that will hurt her ... here is Nathan, who has been given basically zero encouragement or support in his efforts, and he still won’t give up. He believes so completely that Elizabeth is in love with him that he’s the freaking man who can’t be moved. Compare that to Lucas, who has finally gotten what he’s wanted for like two years, and he just ... has no intention of fighting for it. Easy come, easy go, I guess.

And that, too, tells us that Lucas and Elizabeth’s story is coming to a close. Relationships take effort - so much effort, even when things are good. They’re not passive: you have to actively build and maintain them. Not necessarily every day, but the longer you remain passive the more they degrade. So, where has all of Lucas’s effort gone? Because Nathan still has effort and try and fight in spades, and that man has been beaten down at every turn for like 90% of the season.

And still - despite how hard it is, and how alone he must feel, and how discouraging this all has to be - Nathan still won’t give up because he knows Elizabeth’s heart so well and loves her so completely that he can’t give up. Which is exactly what he tells Rosemary. 

So, I say it again: this has never been Lucas and Elizabeth’s love story. It’s always been Nathan and Elizabeth, and we’ve always been headed down this road. We’ve just taken a few sharp turns and hit a detour or two on the way.