#anyway. i want to die 👍
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ugly sobbing
#tw tw tw tw!!!!#tw like. depression or sm idk 💀#anyway.#these are just for filling up space bc i dont want this to be visible without pressing see more or whatever#dshuijkdsfgkhtrjyk#fvbuijkwegewkfgrthjku#l#fghyuiwdehjkfwlfegiuewfojkhnj4#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa\\#anyway. i want to die 👍#i am failing all my subjects#i am gaining weight#i am getting angrier#and i dont like any of this#and my fucking god my mother is turning into such a shit person. where is the mother that loved me.#its always oh im gonna tell your father about this im gonna tell your father about that#fucking do it then#get me killed 👍👍#i want to die haha#because everything is getting worse and i dont know what to do about it.#SO#yeah#anyway if you've read this far how was your day lmao
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff
also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop
#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u#pokemon#trainer lyra#trainer kris#trainer dawn#trainer lucas#rival barry#rival silver#ayalumi#hisuian zorua#luxio#timeskip tag#rkgk#anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now#god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying#dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion#distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man#the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN#and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else#design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy#btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh
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#art#fanart#drawing#sketch#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl shamura#cotl heket#my hand is starting to die out#anyway i totally think shamura is its favorite sibling and it would constantly give them longing looks behind their back#i hc that theres only a 1-3 year difference between heket and narinder so there's constant fighting when they're around each other#i didnt want to add a thousand dots so just imagine she's signing#i actually dont have shamura yet im a bit sad about that#very shoddy sketch i couldnt go over it again cause my hand started killing me midway through#a crown for shamura too because both the death cat and war spider have lost their minds in some form of way 😁👍
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ficrec this fucked me up
#i thought i'd read all the universe jumping metafics but i think i missed this one#or rather i think i did see it but it wasn't finished yet so i never read it#anyway 👍 kills myself#its happy don't worry it just made me want to die for ten different reasons#dnp coming out in the middle of it being posted is funny though. like lol#but also made me feel worse for fic dan like ow dude u could have had it all huh#this really drives home how dnp's real life is more fanfic than any actual fanfic could ever be
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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I will forever maintain that Jason would've been fine and Not a vigilante without Bruce making him Robin
#''bruce never recruited any kids for his mission/war'' falls apart immediately when u consider jason's backstory im ngl#jason todd#my dc posting#his whole character to me is breaking the conventions of the medium#batman#like i hate how ppl treat others like theyre ridiculous when they even dare to critique bruce in any way#i am capable of suspending my disbelief and accepting some things in fiction as okay even if they wouldnt be irl#its the viewers responsibility to meet stories whre theyre at#but its also the story's responsibility to upkeep that yknow?#''child/teen sidekicks are okay n not morally dubious'' okay :D yay :3#then one of them gets brutally murdered by a villain and im like. yeah uhh no. cant do that anymore 👍sorry#''they all became vigilantes on their own bruce couldnt have stopped them'' yall under the impression bruce hates kid heroes n wants them#properly safe n is just doing damage control/harm prevention#when hes more the lines of encouraging them#difference between ''i cant stop u from doing this so ill make it as safe as i can'' and#''im actively going to encourage you to do this dangerous thing''#i have many opinions n im ngl theyre constantly shifting n they depend on a lot#im not gonna hate on lego batman for robin thats a goddamn childrens movie who tf gives a shit#comics are fair game tho. have u seen what gows on in there.#bruce couldve stopped jason from being a vigilante n instead encouraged him is the hill i will fucking die on#the victim blaming of jason has Got to stoppp its the worst thing ever#also just to remind everyone. ''a good soldier''.#wow a character blames themselves for the death of their child and to torture themselves they put the words 'good soldier' on their memorial#anyway if you even dare to think abt the implications ure stupid n#like do u hear urself whattt
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im sorryyyyy i dont wanna be a mean bitch but genuinely i feel like im the one of only ppl who are actually alone bc i keep seeing all of these ppl complain abt how alone they are then they post a bunch of pics with their friend groups and they go on trips and celebrate their birthdays with friends and im like 😦?????????? im ngl i lowkey feel betrayed bc like yes sure we can relate on "feeling lonely" but ig at the end of they day im so sorry im not saying this to gatekeep loneliness or whatever but like u just cannot relate to what it feels like to not only feel lonely but also be alone and not even have people who want to spend moments with u. and feel and be like on your birthday you're alone. on your insta you're alone. irl u dont have ppl who even want to make plans with u. i know i know that everyone's loneliness is valid and you can still have partners and friends and feel lonely and that is valid i really do think so. idk i just feel so fkn alienated from everyone, including people who say theyre lonely - bc they still have ppl to talk to and ppl to be with and ppl who wants to be with them and consider them their friend lol.... i dont have anyone to take pics with or have groupchats with or go to concerts with or go for walks with and i dont have anyone to message abt stupid things or blah lahblahblah it doesnt even matter atp
#and like i am really really lucky that i have one person i talk to on a regular basis and have been for almost two years#and that he stills wanna be friend even if hes seen my insane person rants abt him on here#like genuinely i'd prob slowly wither and die without having had experienced talking to him#ig its not even only other ppl it is my avpd#if i just send a message thats like casual everyday talk between friends#im first freaking out abt it for hours bc i obviously deserve to DIE for even bothering them with a message#so even if i long for certain things its like well yeah i cant do that bc i deserve to die and im worthless useless and a bother and burden#and why would i force someone to waste time on me when they have ppl out there who are actually worth their time#i dont know#i just feel sad bc i checked insta and someone who talks abt being alone often posted pics of them celebrating their bday with friends 😭#and ofc everyone are valid to feel what they feel!!!! i know that!!!!!! it just hurts selfishly lmaooo#bc i am lonely but i will spend my bday crying in my room alone#like i have been for the past years#not even my own family wants to spend it with me#i talk a little abt plans w my mom and she acts like im holding her hostage 😭😭😭#so idk she'll prob agree but it wont feel great bc i know she doesnt really wanna spend time w me#anyway...... we're all alone as i get to hear all thw time#its just that most ppl who are alone also have partners and friends and family members or even a therapist haha 👍#i dont care tho its all good ^-^#also one of my old bully friends is marrid and just got her baby and she messaged me like hii how are u?#like what do u even want me to say.... cool... u have traveled the world u have found love u have made a ton of new friends#while still having your old friend group (that i got dumped by) and u even have your own kid#i am a fkn loser who should just die tbh#so yeah im doing great hahahha just gonna kms real quick 😸🙌🏻#but idc tho 😁
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more oc stuff 🎉 i love divorce
#duck ocs#duck scribbles#doodles#i love toxic yuri 👍#suddenly wanted a last min addition to my art fight chara list so i scrambled to put these together some time ago jkdsjkgdhsgd#its a mess but. its legible i hope#anyways theyre in their what. mid/late 30s. theyre in love they hate each other they know each other better than anyone else they tried to#kill each other several times theyre childhood friends they both want to fix things they both cant forgive the other theyve been in and#still are in love with the other theyd rather die than say it out loud. the usual#nikolai on the left is a questionable mentor figure !! olivia on the right one of the guys trying to take the main 5's powers for this#evil (?) group shes part of and joining it being the cause of how the two drifted apart in the first place#well their relationship is irreparable. probably. who knows i havent thoguht that far (lie) (i have) (theyre fine now. no theyre not)
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anyway i just wanted to practice
#mangomoments#oc x canon#shiver#etc etc#my inconsistent ass art style coming out rn#anyway my hand hurts so much this was hell to draw#anatomy is so hard#i will sooner die than learn proper paneling btw#in the end tumblr did make me censor it again sadge#god forbid women do anything#oh i still have the uncensored version! if you want it 👍#late night mango
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#first unemployment panic attack 👍#got rejected by 4 employers in a row today#i genuinely don't know what more i can do. i have a year experience. low standards. 5 years uni.#what do you WANT from me.#anyway. guess im not good enough. guess ill go be a cashier and die#wah#i should have a whine tag
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therapy (alternate title: talking about white boy for 50 minutes straight)
#my therapist proposed the idea that i may be asexual.#like thanks i know. but also thanks for validating me because i still feel like a late bloomer sometimes#the question of the ages: am i an ace lesbian or am i just afraid of men? (or am i aro too)#because i can only imagine myself feeling comfortable romantically around women#but attraction isn’t a factor either way…#and i only feel comfortable with women in general .#touch starved hopeless romantic boy meets touch repulsed full of platonic love and nothing else girl. they both die#THIS IS WHY I THOUGHT I WAS TRANS TOO i felt so ill being in a female body but that was not because#i was trans it was because i felt sexualized and i wanted to be seen as a person before a body#and i felt like if i was a boy that would be the case#but i never felt any better viewing myself that way. i felt worse.#thanks misogyny 👍👍👍#anyway i love you trans people you are so cool it was just not me do not take this the wrong way#🙏🙏🙏#i will just be unlabeled and only date girls. forever#you will never catch me with a cishet dude SORRYYYY 🤞🤞🤞#i like fictional men and that is IT the moment i imagine them with an actual face i get disgusted#whateverrrr#i will stay in my little fictional bubble#pink haired foxian man hmu
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As an adult I’ve yet to find anything that gives me the same sense of sheer unadulterated joy that I felt as an annoying 13 year old using the computers in my local public library to read homestuck
#anyway protect your libraries folks#like seriously#this is a lighthearted post but also no it’s not bc PLEASE protect your local libraries holy shit#too many freak republicans in the US are trying to undermine our access to them and I think they should die for that 👍#anywya if I told you. I wanted to read HOMESTUCK again would you guys still love me
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love this shot. it's like mike is inviting them into his mind/game ("alright, wheeler, i think we found your hub") + max and dustin are the ones who step into frame. i am staring at the implications
#with the dustin death foreshadowing#possibly the two party members who dived in recklessly despite the risk and proceeded to pay the price#lucas was wary#el came in pre-traumatised from how dangerous it is#will obviously went through All That and became traumatised about it#dustin was like HEY I'LL PLAY and max was like WHY WON'T YOU LET ME PLAY#and then they die#because it's not a game which is what mike is constantly talking about in s2#it's not dnd it's real life he's from the upside down maybe he should be dead it's the brain if we kill it we kill everything it controls#brings it full circle to mike being willing to sacrifice himself for dustin too#he'd choose any of them over himself#these two are the ones reckless enough to show why it's a reasonable choice to make#it could be viewed as a necessity when you're inherently dangerous and you're friends with blind risk takers like max and dustin#who get themselves killed because you failed in all attempts to do the same#if you make the audience love these characters and then kill them#then asking if killing mike is worth it becomes a weighted question#because we love max and dustin. we don't want them to die. neither does mike#nancy didn't want barb to die#joyce didn't want bob to die#max DID want billy to die which is a whole other beast#but his dad sure didn't#everyone matters to someone and mike has decided that everyone else matters more than him#as long as you ignore max and dustin and karen all losing their minds when he's in mortal danger and possibly dead#it's all so complex and yummy i want to EAT it#anyway#cool shot 👍#st posting#manifestation theory
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FUCK man the quencies……….
#just connected how im feeling with me missing my antidepressants over the weekend goddamn it#honestly not a big fan of the reminder that without it i DO want to die just a bit but it’s fiiiiine#frankly just more proof high school me is stronger than any us marine she was undiagnosed unmedicated AND in high school like pick a struggl#anyway. fuck I don’t Feel Good HFKSNDNJD#i’ll BE fine in time I just gotta get thru the suck and I think that’s gonna be the rest of the night#by tomorrow we’ll have a vibe reset and another round of my lexapro/wellbutrin in the system and also amphetamines#so we’ll be all good 👍#assuming the uh. The Event doesn’t go very badly overnight
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my weirdest/most niche genshin flex is that my bennett has 344.4% energy recharge lmaoo
#most of the time i dont even use his skill At All in a rotation hsfjfkdhsjsks#like genuinely when i play him its fuckin press q and swap out and i think its the funniest and most oddly satisfying thing in the world#ITS SO COMFY any time ive ever been forced to use a trial bennett i shrivel up and die bc what do u mean my burst isnt just magically ready#for me immediately when i want it what the hell is this nonsense#4p noblesse btwww er/hp/hb like these are not broken pieces this is a legit set hskdhdjsjs#this is literally the stupidest silliest most trivial flex hshfjhs but like it genuinely improves the qol of my gameplay!#like. do u know how nice it feels to be able to freely burst AWAY from the enemy to Properly and Truly take advantage of the fact that#wanderer is a ranged character? do u know how nice it feels to not have to run into melee range to tap bennetts skill so he can get some#fucking particles do u understand how good it feels to take THE circle impact character and make him even slightly less circle impact????#anyway. 👍#.txt
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