#anyway. i stopped playing this fuckin game like an hour ago bc i have to wake up early and yet im still awake and being a freak

[glassphinix]

i've been a busy boy (spoken w the same vibe as that one garfield 9/11 comic)

[kinki-cami]

Nah because i would FLORISH being an independent in affini society

Like first off, im not isolated immediately that brings me up by like 45% like i can go see that forest, hang out with the (hopefully not going to bite me or give me rabies) animals pet some squirrels say hi to the hummingbirds, i can go into public and walk around, id honestly probably start skipping bc thats what ive imagined so far considering i wouldnt be as depressed as i am now

Secondly, FULL customization of what i wear just be able to look how i want without fear, probably wear my denim look but with some extra like, an ACTUAL denim skirt that looks nice, maybe makeup if i was feeling up to it

Thirdly, just exploration. This is pretty much the miscellaneous second of this post. Because theres probably no money (i assume i need to do more research) before i get to that i fuckin love research i would know every fuckin affini custom by year 5, anyway because of presumeably no money, fake shop at the mall bc hell yeah fuckin love the mall its like a mini city, youd go in like you were going to the mall and like fake "check out" with like a fake credit card or something and yahh fun but also id just like go get coffee, possibly some matcha, skip around town wearing heels WITH my denim outfit, looking all fuckin cute, go see the plants (not affini like houseplants like mint) fuck id grow some bleeding hearts, some mint, make sure to pick up plant food, bc even tho i CAN do it in the hab unit, its more fun leaving to pick stuff up, it gives you a sense of accomplishment like "yahhhh i did something today 🥰 (its a crime theres no 'fist pump' emoji, i swear there are more useless emojis than practical ones)" and because i wouldnt be in one location for 6+ hours a day (excluding sleep) i would have time to do things that i WANNA do, like finish that pokemon book that im only on kakuna out of pecharunt. And i could drink my coffee/tea and go to the game store and play magic with peoples or pokemon, i could go play some dnd, write my damn books, skip around in heels bc skipping is happy but i wanna wear heels soo yahhhh

Yeah i may occassionally get harrassed but like if im polite and express boundries im sure theyll leave me alone or at least relatively along

By the way im going based off of the two stories ive read so far aight, so if this is very biased aight. Too bad i need to read more. But also like, i can express myself two 2 stories ok? Like a girl can fantasize anyway back my fantasy

Eventually id want an affini to adopt me but like, god id be pretty happy without drugs theyd need to actively make my life miserable to make me want the drugs, like, damn. Also with the number of times im cursing in this post any and all affini rp blogs are gonna be like "stop fucking cursing little indie" and to be fair i dont like cursing at people the only time i do is when im expressing myself or am pissed off i never call anyone curse words because its mean and i dont like being mean 🥺

Uhh and i think thats all my thoughts god i had Sadistic glee read the bonus chapters of hdg a bit ago anyway gotta gp finish those, then go finish the other one that im halfway through then go read more, if anyone has any not emotionally wrecking stories feel free to send them via asks or something like i dont wanna see characters despairing but i dont mind seeing their personality erased, as long as the struggle isnt super visible or is minimal

[fagcrush]

I honestly don't know if therapy would help you at this point. You are so closed off from personal responsibility and realizing you need to change your mindset. Therapy isn't an easy fix, it's a tremendous amount of work and it's uncomfortable. You say you can't think of any other hobbies and you'd be bad at them forever anyways?

You've given up before even trying if thats your mentality. Nobody picks up a hobby because they want to be amazing at it. They pick it up because it might be fun. I recently picked up guitar (I've never been in music classes) so I could play some real simple stuff at the camp fire and I'm NOT good. But it's nice to just play a simple song next to the fire. If someone told me I was good at it I'd be insulted cus I know it's a lie.

It really doesn't matter if your brother was good at football in high school. You were in highschool a full decade ago it's time to move past the jealousy of the 'gifted' sibling. He's not worrying about being good at something he enjoys because it doesn't matter in adulthood unless it's your literal job.

You beg for strangers online to tell you you are good at something and then when people come up with things you are good at you shoot them down. Nobody responded to your writing because the vast majority of people following you are in similar timezones to you and you buried your writing reblogs with 1 million other posts so how is anyone to even see them? You victimize victimize victimize and never entertain changing your personal mindset which is the only way to stop your spirals.

Most people don't even post about their hobbies online because they are just doing it for fun not for praise.

I mean like. There's seriously nothing new I can think of that doesn't cost insane amounts of money that I don't have rn??? Like. If people have suggestions cool!!! I'd love that!!!

And it's funny bc I had an excellent therapist that was helping in 2019 but she retired when lockdown happened bc she did not want to do virtual appointments and was pretty fuckin old. I just haven't found the right therapist since.

And sorry but i cannot be content being bad and everything I try. I can have hobbies just for fun. I do Kandi just for fun. I play games just for fun (for the most part). Hell one of the games I was the worst about years ago (overwatch) I now just play and am like PROUDLY shit at. I know I'm garbage but tbh being garbage at overwatch feels more fun than trying to be some stupid pro to me. I love being garbage at fighting games to. My brother MELTS me anytime we play ANY fighting game bc hes a decently ranked comp player and im a button masher. And I'm cackling the whole time.

My problem is there not ONE THING I am good at to me. Nothing. And having a relative that can pick up anything and ace it gets frustrating and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that I struggle to be good at anything after YEARS, let alone instantly.

No one in the past 24 hours has told me I'm good at anything but being a friend which... if that's the case. Why do i have zero irls. Why can't I connect with others at all.

And I refuse to believe NO ONE AT ALL saw that writing I posted. It's not possible. I have 150 followers and I don't think I posted much that day until I got upset that it was being so overlooked.

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 4 RECAP

i’ve had a very emotionally draining day even before playing this so we’ll see what awaits me beyond the start screen this time HAHA

as always, spoilers for both games and the hbo series below!! (this one is L O N G)

i want to play today but i’m also going through it so we’ll see how this plays out lmao

hours played: 8 or 9 hours?? somewhere around there idk when i started

KICKIN IT OFF:

so i’m kinda scared bc joel and ellie are in the same clothes that they’re in during the winter section which i’ve seen some clips of. which means hurt/sick joel soon? and uhhh DAVID. so yknow. kinda nervous about that.

excited to see nolan and troy in another project together tho. a dynamic duo in the gaming industry truly.

omg this section is called go big horns. CUTE

i don’t remember what i did last haha but i’m in a dorm hall? we’ll see what happens

OH i’m supposed to get a gate open. slay

i love when joel gets on the horse he says “scoot.” LIKE HE DID W SARAH ON THE COUCH🥲😭

god i wish fall would fucking GET HERE

sorry the jacket on joel looks so cozy

i’m so on edge rn it’s too quiet

uh ooohhhh muthafuckin spores

i knew it was too quiet i’m so scared bro

if there’s a bloater here i will exit the game LMAO

okay in this one room there’s a melee weapon, a bomb, and arrows. not liking the looks of this so far

do i really have to drop down tho?? do i??

FUCKIN HELL I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL

i’m gonna try to coax my dog to sit in here w me HAHAHA

okay well they’re both not having it

ANYWAY

I FUCKING HEAR A BLOATER UR JOKING

i threw a bottle down the hall and was SPAMMING square to open this door holy fuck

that was so close i was literally like “pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease” holy fuck dude

i feel like every infected known to man is gonna seep through the walls of this campus when i turn this generator on

i was wondering if joel went to college

him being more open w ellie🥺

“ok.” “too much?” “too much.” i’m gonna fucking cry again. i love seeing the more sensitive side of joel, because he clearly is quite sensitive. he doesn’t like bringing up sarah that often, he doesn’t want to talk about what happened with his wife. he’s clearly still affected by these things. he’s just had to shove those feelings down and become hardened by the apocalypse. he still cares under his grizzled and weathered surface.🥺

i also love the development of how ellie respects his boundaries and doesn’t push too much further into his past after the ranch house conversation. after he says it’s too much, she doesn’t say anything else. GOD the writing is so so good

OMG WAIT i forgot to mention the duct tape on joel’s boots like forever ago. i like that they added that detail in the show too :)

if anything happens to callus while i’m in here, i will simply cry

“c’mon kiddo, give me your hand” 🥺

dude bros i’m so scared for when joel is gonna get hurt bc i most definitely remember it being near brick buildings? and all of these buildings fall into that category? and joel is in the same clothes? i am uhh how you say…SCARED

max health let’s gooooooo

so whoever is here has definitely been watching us. they made a sound RIGHT upstairs and they cleared out that fast?? they’ve absolutely been watching us and i’m scared that they heard ellie say that we have the cure to mankind🫠

sure are a lot of bottles and bricks up here 👀

dog break bc they needed to get some energy out

BACK TO THE GAME

BRO THAT’S SO SCARY THAT PEOPLE CAN MOVE THIS FAST

so we’re not gonna investigate that??

just pushin’ on?? this is not looking good bros

yoooooo this xray looks DOPE

i really don’t wanna open this door

IT WAS MONKEYS THE TIME

THE MONKEYS ARE A FALSE ALARM I KNOW IT DEEP IN MY BONES WHY ELSE WOULD THERE BE 500 BRICKS AND BOTTLES

THEY INJECTED THE MONKEYS????

broooooo

uh oh cutscene i am scared

to utah!! right?

why did he stop? joel please not now

uh oh spaghetti-o’s!

do i have to go back the way i came???? that was SO FAR BRO

fuuuuck

OH NO JOEL PLZ NOT OVER THE RAILS PLEASE

ELLIE??? NO HELP??? WH-?????

oh fuck goddamnit the railing BROKE

IMPALED????????? WHAT????????

FUCKING IMPALED?????

I’M GONNA START CRYING NO

THE STRUGGLED BREATHS??

HIM REACHING OUT TO ELLIE??????

STILL PROTECTING HER AS HE’S LITERALLY IMPALED STOP

THE TEARING SOUNDS???

JOEL YELLING???

I’M GONNA CRY BRO

STOP I HATE THIS

ELLIE IS SO SCARED

UUUUGH DUDE

SAYING HE’S FINE?? TO NOT SCARE HER?? OR TO TRICK HIS OWN BRAIN?? PROBABLY BOTH?

i know he’s gonna be okay but i am still very much in distress

his hands are COVERED in blood :(

this hurts my soul

oh my god she’s covered in blood too :((

ELLIE’S BEING SUCH A HELP ASSURING HIM I-

he doesn’t wanna put his weight on her and slow them down further :(

“then fucking walk” LMAO

the trail of blood 🥲

HER HELPING HIM I CAN’T DO THIS

HEY FUCKER LET GO OF THE HORSE

omg ellie is badass bro

i mean i knew that already but goddamn she’s really steppin up

oh my god please don’t fall of the horse joel

…he fell off the fucking horse

HE LOOKS SO PALE :(

I’M GETTING FLASHBACKS TO HER SAYING GET UP TO HIM 😭

WINTER?? we must’ve been in mid-late november just now then

THE ICONIC RABBIT

SLAY ELLIE

this feels so fucking weird playing ellie

i bet anyone playing this without spoilers for the first time was panicking thinking joel was dead

oh it takes her a hot minute to climb

DETAILS

gotta take that into account tho i’m so used to big grumpy texas man

“what is this place?” GIRL DON’T GO

NOLAN NORTH IS IN THERE

talking to herself in reassurance :(

took a food break

OH MY GOD OKAY UHHHH WAS NOT EXPECTING DAVID THIS EARLY

YES ELLIE

ellie i don’t think they have antibiotics

i fucking love ellie dude

“i’ve had some practice” i love how even when it’s ellie’s there’s essences of joel here

like he literally taught her how to use the rifle🥲

bro am i playing COD zombies or??

i do not trust david at all. i know he’s helping me to build trust but he’ll totally fuck me over later

i only trust joel to boost me bro

BLOATER??

i just started nailing that motherfucker with molotovs and bombs. that seems to work well :)

DO NOT touch ellie bro

“we make a pretty good team” don’t get ahead of yourself here dAvId. i’ve known you for like 10 minutes

I REMEMBER SEEING MOCAP VIDEO OF THIS SCENE

crazy man traveling with a little girl? uh sir, i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is no man with ellie. and she covered up saying she has a group as well.

what man? ellie is alone. LEAVE HER ALONE DAVID.

“you’re just a kid.” with YOUR RIFLE pointed at YOUR FACE bro shut the hell up

oh well… now that’s not fair james can fuck off

are we sure this is medicine??? this could be fucking poison dawg

“i can protect you” nah i’m good there’s a grumpy texas man waiting for me

bro they’re gonna follow ellie and she’s gonna lead them right to joel and shit’s gonna go down i feel it in my bones

JOELLLLLLL

he’s looking worse for wear

my heart w this music UGH

STOP. HIM SHIVERING AND HER CHECKING HIS TEMP ON HIS HEAD

AND THEN LAYING NEXT TO HIM

AND HE’S LOOKING OVER AT HER

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THEY’VE COME SO FARRRRRRR

what THE FUCK did i say

GODDAMNIT

YEA THEY TRACKED YOU

KINDA EASY TO DO THAT IN THE SNOW

ELLIE I’M NOT MAD AT YOU I’M JUST STRESSED

HER KEEPING HIM UPDATED EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT BE SO OUT OF IT I CANNOT

THE WAY HE STIRRED WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS GONNA DRAW THEM AWAY HE WANTS TO GET UP AND FIGHT FOR HERRRRRRRR AAAHHHHHHH

NOOO CALLUS NO BRO NOOOOOOO

I’M HAVING RDR2 FLASHBACKS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHY DO I STILL GET ATTACHED WHEN I KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN EVERY. FUCKING. TIME

okay stealth with ellie is kinda fun

the bow is the way to go apparently lmao

i’m so pissed i missed possible loot bc i decided to go the way that looked like it had loot. FUCK

SECRET TUNNELLLLLLL! SECRET TUNNEL! THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN! haha

she’s so worried about joel🥺

me too tho i get it

the way that i’m naming every voice actor of these npc’s the whole time i’ve been playing this game💀

i’m like “oh my god yuri! laur! travis! nolan!” i do this with every game tho LMAO

the fucking music in the background is hauntingly beautiful

this lodge goes hard dude i wanna live here

ELLIE

FUUUUCK DAVID DUDE

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW

THE SOUND EFFECTS OF THE CUTTING BLEH

“it’s deer” BULLSHIT GUY I JUST SAW A MOTHERFUCKER CHOPPING UP A WHOLE P E R S O N

“you’re a fucking animal” *continues to eat like an animal*

this is something that i do think about when it comes to apocalypse situations like how fast would some people resort to… other forms of sustenance…

dude nolan killed it being creepy as fuck haha

how long until he snaps dude i’m scared. he’s too calm

“and you’re special” NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOPE

YA’LL HAVE FUN

I’M NOT GONNA DO THAT HAHA

why tf is she letting him touch her hand bro i would’ve broken his goddamn fingers by now

wait she has to be acting so they’ll let her go nvm she’s clever lmao

OH MY GOD I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW SHE FUCKING BREAKS HIS FINGER

HOLY SHIT YEEES

“tell them that ellie is the little girl that broke your fucking finger.” OH MY GOD?? F E R A L

“how did you put it? hmm? tiny pieces?” IT’S THE LINE!! AH

also G R O S S

JOOOEEEELLLLLL

joel ur gonna rip those fuckin stitches man

woooaaah the controller light went from green to yellow? OHHHHH IT’S BASED ON MY HEALTH

why did that take me so long to notice? LMAOOOOO

the way that i’m walking slow as if that’ll put him through less pain💀

i take back what i said before about being able to hear him breathe bc this is so fucking sad hearing him grunting and struggling and shivering

i audibly shushed joel when he yelled for ellie like it was gonna do anything HAHA

having an injury in the cold fucking suuuuucks dude ur so sensitive to the weather

JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. even when joel is in extreme pain he’s taking not one, but TWO hostages. and they’re not overpowering him. jesus

HOLY FUCK JOEL. HE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN. AND JUST WAILIN ON THESE GUYS

jesus fucking christ

“focus right here.”

i- this is doing something to me🫢

ANYWAYYYY

PUTTING THE KNIFE IN HIS MOUTH AND MAKING HIM MARK THE MAP IN HIS OWN BLOOD IS C O L D AS HELL

“and it better be the same spot your buddy points to” OH MY GOD JOEL

“that’s alright. i believe him.”

i’m sittin here like 😳🫢😮

bro do not FUCK with joel miller goddamn

ellie you better wake the fuck up the terminator is coming to pick you up

oh shit oh fuck oh shit

YEA FUCK YOU DAVID LOOK AT HER ARM FUCKER

SLAAYYYYY ELLIE

oh this is a blizzard alright

sorry my midwesterner came out there for a sec

dude nolan is scary in this role he’s doin great

i’m waiting to hear joel absolutely fucking shit up in the distance

hearing ellie shiver :(

DUDE BURNING BUILDING BOSS FIGHT? slay

DAVID IS SO SCARY

JOOOOOEEEELLLLLL

i’m the one that will be fucking shit up? EXCELLENT👹

THERE’S LIKE 12 GUYS FOR ME TO HANDLE?? I HAD LIKE 5 or 6 FOR ELLIE TOTAL GODDAMN

ellie’s bag!!

when he walks into the butcher and sees what’s hanging then is like “i gotta find her. i gotta find her” in a slightly panicked tone? NO ONE TALK TO ME

oh shit indeed joel

ELLIE WAKE UUUUP I DON’T LIKE THIS ELLIE WAKE UUUUUUPPPP

i’m waiting for joel to come in and fuck shit up part 2 electric boogaloo

david is pathetic bro fighting a 14 yr old. watching her crawl for a weapon desperately, only to laugh and kick her when she gets close

holy fuck dude. no one talk to me. no one perceive me rn.

the first time he’s called her babygirl😭

oh my god. i’m fucking C R Y I N G rn

super traumatic things happen right before the seasons change i should know this by now

we’re in spring now oh boy

AHH THE OUTFITS!!! THE ONES THAT PEDRO AND BELLA WERE WEARING ON SET!!! AHHH

“let’s go kiddo” i- i need a minute after what just went down dude

i feel like i should stop now but i know i’m close to the ending

we’ve made it to utah!

“i’m gonna teach you how to play guitar” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ellie’s spacing out bc she’s scared :(

this is so crazy bc this literally looks like pedro and bella from behind

i love the fits that are goin on these might be my favorite so far

the rv :(

i’m literally crying just thinking about how full circle it is that joel lost his daughter, but has now gained a daughter. he tried so hard to fight it off. he even told her straight to her face that he’s not her father. now jump to him calling her babygirl and kiddo, and how they’re just chatting away about ellie’s dreams. how joel’s voice sounds warmer and softer, and so does ellie’s. i can’t fuckin do this bro

also not only the evolution from the beginning where he was like ugh a child🙄, but just from wyoming to now is so fucking wholesome. “i sure as hell ain’t your dad.” to now??? FUCK dude. i’m emotional

i’m not jazzed about being back in a city

if he calls her kiddo or babygirl one more time it will be my undoing

WAIT GIRAFFE SOON??? I FUCKIN HOPE SO

joel checking on her and not wanting to push her so he’s just like “it’s fine” so she doesn’t feel like she needs to be as talkative as she usually is🥲

my heart… HURTS bro

BZKSBSKDVSKSVDLWVDOEGSKSV THIS HURTS BRO HE WAS READY TO BOOST HER AND HE JUST SAW THAT SHE WAS STILL THERE AND SPACED OUT AGAIN AND I-😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I AM A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION RIGHT NOW

STOP HE GOT SO SCARED

GIRAFFE TIME???

“what in the sam hell?” ASDFGHKLBDKS

GIRAFFE TIME!!!!!🥳🥳🥳🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

THERE’S TWO???

THE MUSIC? STOP IT

THERE’S THREE?!!

“don’t scare it” “i won’t, i won’t” IN THE SOFTEST VOICE I- MMMMMMMMM

WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT 2 PEOPLE PETTING A GIRAFFE

WAIT I KNOW THIS SONG

VANISHING GRACE!

ellie instantly perked up. it’s like a father and daughter at the zoo🥹 she’s like “hurry up! come on!” I CANNOT TAKE THIS

EIGHT GIRAFFES???

is a heart to heart about to happen bc i can’t take it rn i’m a mess

“is it everything you were hopin’ for?” “it’s got it’s ups and downs. can’t deny the view though”😭

i hope the game knows that i will literally fucking stand here for eternity. and this is what joel and ellie are gonna do for the rest of their lives. giraffe watch. no more trauma. just giraffes bein dudes.

and this is all before the ending??? CURSE YOU NAUGHTY DOG

i don’t want to progress bc they’re both so content and peaceful rn. UGH i’m sorry ya’ll we have to continue. JOEL. ELLIE. I’M SORRY

oh god i wasn’t expecting a cutscene am i about to get my heart broken? again?

“we don’t have to do this” ONE LINE IN AND I’M ALREADY UUUGH

they don’t want to let go of each other… bc they need each other at this point.

“it can’t be for nothing” THERE IT IS

uh ooohhhhh joel’s feeling differently mefinks

i want to hug both of them so fucking tight dudebros. so fucking tight.

i think i am gonna stop here bc i am tired and in pain from this fucking chair haha

yea this one was super ultra mega long. i’m sorry. i just got a lot to say and analyze sometimes yknow?? lots of story this time! maybe that’s why it’s longer haha

i just know that i am literally never going to be the same after playing this game. i’m so fucking happy that i finally did.

we finish(?) tomorrow! and i’ll probably do a seperate post from the next recap about what i thought of the game as a whole, and oh boy is that gonna be long too haha

but yea i’m so fucking excited but also scared to finish this!! until tomorrow!!🤎

[mouseclub]

hi! i took your quiz and got "i hear a symphony" and i'm curious about the other results, but taking the quiz repeatedly is a hassle. could you post them or something? idk man

if you’d like me to, then sure!! fair warning though, i can’t remember if i mentioned it in the results page but the rest are nowhere near as pretty and are mostly kindof silly stories and memories about weird things that have gotten me disproportionately emotional lol. either way, i’ll put them all under the cut :)

claire de lune (but specifically from the danganronpa v3 ost)

CONTEXT: i'm the type that can listen to a song on repeat for literal hours while drawing/writing but one time i listened to this for around 40 minutes while making a drv3 animatic and it ended up throwing me into an existential crisis so fuckin hard i started questioning what i was doing with my life and why i was drawing and i had to turn everything off and go to bed. what this says about you is up for interpretation. godspeed

fuyunohanashi - given

CONTEXT: the last few episodes of given were coming out when the 19-20 school year started and the episode with this song in it came out while i was in class. naturally, i sat there in my 7th period AP lang class and watched it on my phone. problem is, the scene when this song is played shatters me like 50 stacked panes of glass under a hydraulic press and i needed to cry but couldn't because the room was PIN-DROP SILENT. needless to say the moment class was over i made a run for it and cried like a little baby to my confused but ultimately supportive friends. you're a core high school memory and an Emotionally Taxing Bop and you remind me both of wintery cool tones and the silly school memories i wish i hadn't taken for granted. like a snow day except i'm from california so i've never had that sauce. i respect it regardless

everything she wants - wham

oh god the memories. this one was from when i was really head over heels obsessed w this dude and at my peak yearning hours i wrote a wattpad journal entry saying i was gonna listen to this song on repeat until i "fell out of love with him." i forget the details but i guess i did? what this says about you i have absolutely no idea but the song is still a whole vibe and you remind me of funky shades of pink and purple so i respect u immensely

unforgettable - natalie & nat king cole

this ones SUPER fuzzy in my brain but the weird nostalgia from my childhood combined with the weird movie end-credits vibes of this song make me forget that i'm a person when i'm listening. plus the weird calmness but sense of Oh God This Feels Like It Belongs At The End Of A Movie makes me feel like im about to get game-ended which is unnerving. probably the most subtle yet deeply cursed entry in this quiz. i see you

this side of paradise - coyote theory

CONTEXT: this song reminds me very specifically of a few of my comfort characters/ocs and when i heard it the first time it shattered me like glass (but in the good way). im telling you right now youre a BEAUTIFUL soul this is the one entry that's in here not because i was overwhelmingly sad but rather overwhelmingly Oh God Im So Fucking Soft And I Need To Cry About It For Twenty Minutes. anyways i care you thanks for quizzing

jet lag - nct 127

CONTEXT: last summer i got on a flight for the first time since i was a small child and i was STUPID scared but i listened to this during takeoff all 4 flights and let me tell you. did not help. the song itself is chill and you probably are too, but there's always a lingering sense of dread underneath i simply can't shake. do with all this information what you will.

verbatim - mother mother

i used to listen to this song to cheer up bc the lyrics are Haha Funny and it fucking bops but then i got evicted from my childhood home and it... stopped working. this breakdown is one of my core memories so congrats! ur one of the only motherfuckers in this joint that can handle me. if you take anything away from this know your vibes are IMMACULATE and i appreciate you

heaven - exo

CONTEXT: my synesthesia used to go absolutely bananas to this song bc its so YELLOW and the shapes that bounce around in my brain are very pleasant, but a few years ago i was writing fanfic and i wrote the scene where i killed off a character to this song on repeat for an hour and it has never been the same since. it's like when you look at something's surface and it looks pristine but you just Know there's something writhing underneath... but a less intense version of that feeling, because i know it's just the memory i tie to it that makes me feel this way and the yellow vibes cancel it out yknow

scrawny - wallows

this one's pretty short and stupid. i started thinking about a stupid anime boy that i thought had basically died while listening to this song and fuck bro. he really was a scrawny motherfucker w a cool hair style. cue the waterworks. but then after an entire day of on and off mourning i found out he turned out ok and stopped. no i will not elaborate on which boy i am holding onto my last shred of dignity here. what this says about you i'm not sure BUT youre probably cooler than me and your vibes are immaculate i know it in my heart

i hear a symphony - cody fry

this breakdown was yesterday! i was reccommended this song by a friend and immediately fell in love, but it didn't fully hit until the song's climax. and let me tell you. it BROKE me. the a capella beginning, with the piano slowly coming in, then the strings, and suddenly it's growing and crescendoing and-- there it is. my synesthesia goes wild and i lack the language to describe what it looks like other than absolutely grandiose and gold and christ i'm rambling but despite it's simplicity-- or maybe BECAUSE of its simplicity-- if love were a song, it'd be this one. almost all of the other entries are funny anecdotes where i seem to cry about the silliest things but this one i genuinely cannot come up with a joke for and i'm probably biased right now because i'm listening to it on repeat again but damn. you won. you're golden.

[johnshelbysbabygirll]

Russian Roulette I - JOHN SHELBY X READER

Words: 2361

Warnings: a lot of cursing, drugs, a little smut maybe idk

hello my loves!!

there is another imagine and this one it’s probably my favorite i’ve ever wrote bcs i’m a sucker for drama and angry John

and also for the same reason, there is a part II with smut and i’ll post it soon.

thank you and love you xx

"I can't believe I agreed with this fuckin stupid idea" John muttered again and you rolled your eyes in anger, looking on the window so you don't have to look at him.

"Would you shut the fuck up already, Johnny boy? You are bloody annoying." Arthur speaks loudly from the front seat, doing some lines and being annoyed at Tommy's driving.

He was true, John was a pain in your ass. You are in a car ride with them to the Russians house and it was the most awful car ride you ever had. You can cut the tension with a fucking knife. All of this only because you came with them at the party the Russians are organized tonight. Right, it was Polly's idea because she couldn’t make it, but then you became really excited about it and really wanted to. Thomas was unsure at first, but now he looked really fine with it, knowing it will be just a crazy party. On the other hand, John was a bomb who can explode anytime.

"Yeah, it will be fine." Tommy said and he was in a really good mood; grinning when he got into a hole, the snow almost spilling on Arthur's pants as he cursed his brother.

"Fuck off. All of you." He speaks again and you couldn't help it.

"You fuck off, John. What the fuck are you hiding? Why are you so angry with me being there?"

His glare could burn your skin to bone. Same as yours.

"This will be bloody fun" Arthur muttered to himself as he snorted all the line.

Half hour later you finally arrived, but they stopped you from getting out of the car. Again, Arthur was doing lines and he raised his eyebrows at you in the mirror, you nodded and you lifted up from the backseat, snorting a little. John sniffed and he lights up a cigar; he didn't told you a single word all the road and this upset you, that's why you accepted Arthur's offer.

"Okay [Y/N], I feel like if I'm not tellin you this again, John would shut me in my fuckin eyes, so listen. They will have girls, so you.."

"What about you, Tom?" Arthur smirked.

"Unfortunately, I have Tatiana."

"She's something else" John chuckled and Arthur did the same, as you and Tommy rolls your eyes. You did that the whole fucking time, but it was his fault. You don't wanna be jealous, what the hell that means?

"Yes, she's out of her bloody mind. Anyway, as I was saying, [Y/N] you are not..."

"I'm his whore, I know. And I won't say a single word." You repeated the things you've been hearing for two days straight and John glared at you.

"Good."

You all get out of the car and took a look at the big house in front of you.

"Remember lads, they are fucking insane. Fuck them."

You didn't believed back then. But now, you truly did.

The living room and the party was a orgy in it truest form and you never saw something like this before. Men kissing and pleasing other men, women tasting each other and others fucking right there without a shame. You wanted so bad to avoid seeing another man's cock, but it was hard and John looked at you; this time his face alarmed for a bit as he wanted so bad to protect your innocence, yet he was still mad and he can't show affection to his "whore". The music was so loud as Thomas was talking to the Russians, so John took the chance to talk into your ear, slowly touching your ass for the public.

"If something happens to you, I will lose my shit, so you better..."

"It won't."

He nodded and Thomas guided you all to a office you guessed. There was two other curvy and almost naked women, probably for Arthur.  Leon, as the boys called him, looked at Arthur, then at John, but his eyes slowly faded on you.

"This one was for you, John." He speaks with a strong accent and you tried your best not to frown. John grinned at her, but then he smacked your ass hard so everyone saw it and for the show, you bit on your lower lip while looking at him.

"Thank you, but this one is fo’ me. She's the best in Small Heath."

"And you couldn't leave her back at home, ey?"

"She can't resist without my filling her."

The Romanov family are laughing and Thomas and Arthur did the same, but they looked concerned about your reaction. You just looked at John like you wanted to fuck him right there. Even if you just wanted to rip his head off. Both of them. You know that this is his revenge for you wanting to come here, but you're not going to fed up.

"So women you are both mine tonight" Arthur smirked as he made himself comfortable on the sofa with both women on his each side, making him relax a little.

Tommy sat with Tatiana in his lap on another lounge, Leon on the chair behind his desk. John lays down on another lounge and you comfy sat on his lap; he puffed on his cigar as you are watching him in awe. Him not sure if you are truly or just playing your role. He wink at you and he let out all the smoke in your face, making you grin a little.

Soon they started talking business and you started talking with a lower voice with Tatiana, Isabella and the other two women. Tatiana doesn't seem so bad, she was quite funny actually, but you started to get bored soon. Also a bit tipsy, just like everyone else. They don't drink that much whisky or rum, they drink vodka and that's what you also drink tonight. Arthur is drunk as hell already and he is kissing with both women, Tommy started to kiss Tatiana a little too passionate for the public and John...Well, his hand was resting for a while on your leg under your dress, but now he was playing with his fingers on your stomach area. You started to feel hot and you heavy breathed, just like he did watching you on his lap, almost straddling him.

"I want to fuck you so bad" he speaks with a not so low tone, but no one payed attention anyway. "You are beautiful."

You wanted to kiss him, but you are not sure if that's alright, so you let him do it when he feel it to.

"You are not mad at me anymore?"

"Oh, I am. And ya will get your punishment for that."

He pressed his lips on yours, his tongue quickly dominate yours. It was a rough and desperate kiss and you feel it right between your legs; your clit pulsing in lust. Unfortunately, John was pulled into another boring conversation about extending the business and drink a few more glasses of vodka in the meantime, just like you did but stopped when you reached your limit.

"I'm bored" Tatiana said as she finished her cigarette and she stands up quickly, lifting her dress up a little as she pulled out a revolver. "Let's play."

A devilish smirk was on her face as she checked the bullets; she keep one bullet in while the others falls on the floor.

"Play what?" You asked and you regret it immediately. Speak before you think.

"You'll see, doll." Thomas pulled her back into the lounge, but he couldn't control her. Leon watched careful what happened in front of his eyes.

"She's not playing. She's here to give me attention and pleasure, not to play a bloody game."

"Oh, John." She smiled at him, up on her feet again. "You all gonna be playing."

You heard Thomas cursing under his breath and everyone moved at the table, you still not knowing what his happening. John was tensed and he tightly grabbed your thigh before you two stand up and moved on the chairs.

"What the fuck is happenin'?" Arthur asked in a clearly drunken voice, with his up buttons ripped off, revealing his chest. Just like you weakened John's tie an hour ago.

"It's a stupid idea, Tatiana." Thomas said as he lights up a cigarette, Leon grinned.

"The night was quite boring actually. So...Why not?"

"Why not?" John raised an eyebrow, you confused between him and Arthur with his bitches still kissing his neck and chest. John clenched his jaw and shot down his glass of vodka. Thomas took him a glare, telling him to shut up.

"Yeah, why not?" Arthur talked again and you are a little concerned right now.

"I'm starting" Tatiana said and she lifted the gun to her temple with a big grin on her face.

John cursed under his breath again and he grabbed your hand under the table, but it didn't feel like an affection gesture, more like he was trying to make you watchful. But you already are, guessing what could happen next.

Tatiana pulled the trigger and you almost screamed under the music from the living room, scared as fuck, but nothing happened.

"Exciting as always" she says and she lights up another cigarette, watching now everyone from her chair. You can't help, but wonder how many times she played this game before and won every damn time.

"Russian roulette, it's been a while." Arthur speaks but he didn't seem too impressed, more concerned about the empty vodka bottle. The maid quickly replacing it with another one.

Thomas was next and he just finished his cigarette as he took the gun from Tatiana, he don't look happy at all. Neither scared. You can feel John tensed body next to you as he looked at his brothers, eye talking with them, Thomas mostly. He wasn't scared of his turn, he was scared of yours and the fact that you were before him. You, the woman he loves, can die right in front of his eyes because of a stupid fuckin game and he has to be not too interested about it since you are just a whore in front of the Russians. John and his brothers decided that it's better this way, if they will become enemies, they won't know John's weak spot that is clearly you. He hated himself for brought you here, in the middle of dangerous and crazy people. He knew right from the start that this it's a bad idea.

Thomas pulled the trigger and your heart skipped a beat, but nothing happened. He looked at you, his eyes full of concern, but you smiled a little to tell him that you are fine, but you are not.

It was Arthur's turn. You only hear the music from the living room, sometimes the moans and until now the giggles that came from Arthur's women, but right now they shouted it down because it is his turn.

It was a painful thing to watch your brothers in law with a gun at their heads; in fact, you see them as your brothers and you love them as much.

"I knew it from the first...I knew it was a fuckin bad idea, [Y/N]." John whispered in your hair; he made a pause, licking his lips then he continued. "You're fuckin stubbornness it's going to kill you tonight."

You didn't have the time to react cause Arthur pulled the trigger. You were glad nothing happened, but now it was your turn and you and John's hearts are beating so loud, that you think that the others can see it in your chests.

"Come on, doll. You can do it." Tatiana said with a smirk and Arthur gave you the gun, not wanting to. He looked at you with big eyes and even in his drunk state, he realized what would mean for his brother if his woman would die. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't, just as Tommy. All eyes are on you.

You took a gun in your hand for the first time ever and it also may be the one that kills you.

Under the table, you grabbed John's hand with yours and you looked right into his eyes for a short moment. Your eyes say "i love you" and you try your best to hide your terrified face, but you don't know if you can.

John whispered back, closing his eyes in pain of regret. It didn't happen, but he already regret accepting it.

You slowly closed your eyes like the others did, but your hand is shaking on the gun. You took a gasp of air cause it may be your last and you thought at John and at his beautiful deep blue eyes, that always melts you on your feet.

And you pulled the trigger.

The time froze and you can't realized what happened in just one second.

Right after you pulled the trigger, John couldn't accept it and lifted up from his chair, throwing it away as he hit your hand. The bullet stopped into the wall when it should be in your head. The realization made your body shacking and you can feel the tears in your eyes as you try your best to keep your calm in front of the Russians.

Thomas and Arthur exhaled the air they kept in and John did the same so loudly that everyone in the room looked at him. Tatiana and Leon were confused, but they didn't say anything at all about this.

John shot it down another full glass of vodka to calm him down and kissed your hand under the table, whispering with his lips pressing against your smooth skin.

"You are gonna be so fuckin punished for this."

He bit hard on your skin and you bit on your lower lip at his words; excited, yet a little bit scared.

[gotatext]

TASK OO1 / OOC SURVEY.

[kermit voice] hallo.... its me 

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — nora

AGE — 23

TIMEZONE — gmt

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/her

MBTI — enfp-infp border cos im an introvert who Masquerades as an extrovert :)

HP HOUSE — i spent 10 yrs of my life thinkin i was gryffindor.... to find out.... huffle....puff...... 

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — i fuckin wish! being a student was dope af i got stressed about essays like once a month and apart from that i was just chillin, surrounded by really intelligent people every day n livin it up on the party scene. adult life fucking sucks no one wants to have fun cos we all work fuckin tonnes of hours so we can afford to eat and get paid peanuts xx

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — im really afraid of bein one of those jock types who peaked in high school but i deff peaked in uni like 100% i was way more interesting 2 years ago

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — im not showin u my instagram bc im a fuckin embarassment but this is pinterest , this is my personal blog, this is my writing / 1x1 blog i never use any more n this is my trash talking twitter where i mostly just cry about timothee chalamet and bash the tories. 

DISCORD USER — kristine’s forehead vein#8664

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i dont read fanfiction much but when i do u can be sure it’s slow burn angsty enemies to lovers mutual pining heart attack every time one of them accidentally brushes the other’s hand

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — suspiria (2018 luca guadagnino version rogue i kno but i prefer the remake), the lobster, before sunrise, baz luhrmann romeo + juliet, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,  thoroughbreds (REC!! so underwatched pls watch it. compelling female characters), hunt for the wilderpeople (also so underwatched), swiss army man, call me by your name, atonement, moonrise kingdom, trainspotting, the florida project. i rlly like films ok

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — the song of achilles by madeline miller n also fen by daisy johnson

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — booksmart cos its fuckin dope

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — libra

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? —  i like to pretend im super invested in it mostly to anger my friends but tbh.... i just use it as a rough guide for character creation.... its fun but i dnt .... fully invest in what it has to say..... altho i am the most unbalanced n indecisive bitch on earth so i guess they got that right !! i just live to please baybeyy!

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — tumblr for about 8 year (omg) n before tht facebook..... i was very embarassingly in a twilight rp..... i wrote jane..... i also rped as a scene kid oc n when i was like 12 i was on some weird forum harry potter roleplay where i basically played a self insert with georgie henley as the fc......

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? — i used to have so many hobbies but now i jst lie in my bed staring at the ceiling. but before i was workin like a dog i loved reading, writing, acting in theatre productions..... going out on the town getting bevved..... big druggy EDM nights in warehouses tht probably weren’t liscenced for tht many ppl..... gigs... costume-design and making, spoken word poetry, acrylic painting n rollerskating but my sister broke my skates abt two years ago in vengeance and i’ll never forgive her that fuckin bitch

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — no my landlord is a fascist

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i’ll never stop reccing euphoria!! also i was pleasantly surprised by looking for alaska!! but i also rlly like bob’s burgers, parks and rec, good omens.... black mirror, n sharp objects. lovesick on bbciplayer (n netflix i think) is also rlly fun

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — maybe love island, idk if i talk abt that much bc i am ashamed but i am so obsessed with it. i even got the love island game n got so invested in my fictional relationship w bobby tht i had to delete it

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — god god... i haven’t finished a book in ages.... i recently started reading milkman by anna burns, the bees by laline paull and everything under by daisy johnson.... bt the last book i read cover to cover was probs circe. defs read it. feminist and witchy

CURRENTLY READING? — i jst said this but the bees, everything under and less so milkman cos im finding milkman a bit tough

LAST FILM? REC IT? — i watched ladyworld the lord of the flies all-female remake n even maya hawke could not save it.... dnt get me wrong from an art film point of view i loved it but it felt a bit underdeveloped n a level media studies for me..... apart from tht?? the runaways (yorkshire film not released yet at a preview screening) and threads (also a yorkshire film from the 80s about nuclear apocalypse)

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — portrait of a lady on fire, i work at an independent cinema n we recently had a preview screening and everyone said it was SICK, uhhhh short term 12, n the new eliza scanlen movie babyteeth

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — madagascar because when i was 12 my parents bought me a little television with a dvd player in it for my birthday and madagascar was the only dvd i owned for like..... the first two years of havin the absolute luxury of a tv in my room so i just used to watch it all the time n i now basically know the script inside out

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — nothing, life is pointless n i hate fun, let me rot in peace

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — ughhh god probably lcd soundsystem. gorillaz, the streets, tame impala, talking heads, soft hair, i also love lizz tho n also angry twangy guitar girl bands like girlpool, courtney barnett, best coast, cherry glazerr,

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — quiet night in my party days are over i cant even be bothered to go to the shops if its past 4.30pm and dark these days

ANY PHOBIAS? — clowns n rats

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — absolutely not

BIRDS? — yes but not if they fly in my face

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — i love both i want one 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — tory middle aged boomers who treat me like actual shit on their shoe because i work in the service industry like thats my choice and their poor economic decisions didnt mean i have to do a shitty job to afford to live bcos of austerity n cuts to arts funding meaning i cant get a job writing unless i self-fund :)))

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — that everyone ive met through rp is a fuckin LAFF

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — god .... diana silvers, timothee chalamet, margaret qualley, kristine froseth, froy gutierrez, zendaya, elle fanning, astrid berges frisbey, hunter schafer, leonardo dicaprio

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — herman tomeraas, hunter schafer, saoirse ronan, timothee chalamet, froy gutierrez

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — linda mccartney 1/2pounder mozzarella veggie burgers, sweet potato wedges, tomato soup, mozzarella sticks, brownies

WORST FOOD? — green things like broccoli n sprouts gross. baked beans cos as a kid ppl used to do baked bean baths for comic relief / red nosed day a lot n i thought when they were finished in the baked bean bath they just put all the cold beans back in the tin. actually anything small that moves around on your plate. peas. spaghetti. sweetcorn. i dont like small things i cant control.

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — last year my housemate had an xbox n i went through a phase of obsessively playin fable 3 it was amazing. i had like 5 husbands and 3 wives and loads of kids but they all ended up leavin me cos i spent so much time out doing quests neglecting them

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — this

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — im one of those bitches who was in this grp all the way back when it was swipe... so quirky and original!! i knew the band before u! anyway im goin now this has been sufficiently embarassing..... i am lame

[kae-karo]

Can you do an analysis on the last dan vs phil video?

hell yeah i can in the beginning…

nerds nerds nerds ‘in the beginning…..there was a tree…..’ cue phil’s lil laugh smh cowards release the footage of y’all recording this bit i would Die for it i wanna see y’all being cute-ass dorks together thanks

dan’s voice cracking tone when he’s trying to stop phil

‘n they didn’t tell anybody’ dumbasses u told three million people smh

the fucking dvp montage god this whole intro is just a testament to what dorks they are

‘emotional stability’ what the Fuck

we’re the only ones fighting for emotional stability here jfc

‘after,,,,,d- after da long ass time’ dan u spork

they pulled up the first clip of the dvp board i’m not sobbing ur sobbing

phil recognizing he’s doing the same intro voice i’m Soft

cute

dan forgetting what he was gonna say after his big ol dramatic ‘that is right everybody’ we stan a mess

“bitch there’s no space” did u mean

ahem anyway

phil ruining all dan’s dramatic storytelling gives me Life

how did i not know just dance 2 was one of their most popular vids???? it has 7.4m views??? (for anyone as curious as me, sims #1 has 8.2m and is the most popular, followed by just dance, then fnaf #1 with 7.2m then akinator of all things with 6.4m?)

phil liked yasuhati???? i stan immensely i loved yasuhati as y’all know

it’s a grand finale u spoons stop saying grand ‘final’ that just. sounds wrong lmao

dan spent an hour making that crown i’m crying he’s so cute as is phil’s reaction giggling at him 

they ran out of kitchen foil why did i need to know this

they literally fucking kept the present they crushed what’s wrong with them

‘look at what his ass did to this’ as if we don’t know what that ass do

dan keeping up the ‘i’ll ebay this’ joke i think someone’s catching the capita£ester

i love their adorable editing making each other disappear n phil chopping dan’s head off it’s endearing

cereal eating contest at least dan knows he’s lost (dan is the Actual psychic)

‘y’all fricken want us touching each other??? do you????? here ya fuckin go u animals enjoy’

me when dan makes bad innuendo puns

why does phil look so pleased with himself????

hi i know i say it every video but there is nothing more beautiful than phil looking at dan while he’s talking it just makes me weak????

he tongue

also important dan eye roll content

dnp each picking a game they think they can win and then they do win amazing

dan’s confused ‘should’ve put some in??? oh yeah i should’ve cheated’ immediately followed by his oh fuck yeah i probably should’ve

i would just like to point out that at this point we’re literally watching two dorks with their eyes shut psyching each other out for an entire thirty seconds

‘i’m getting so moist right now’ dan we already know ur kink is staring at phil okay we got it

phil looks like he knows he’s gonna win and i love him

why are they such dorks phil trying to make dan lose i’m being thrown violently back to pinof 4

also ofc dan has a strategy to win this of course he does of course i expect nothing less

i think dan,,,,,,broke the sound barrier there ;)

oi hi there lil rosy patch welcome back

caption this

‘it was the longest i’ve ever had my eyes open in my entire life’ dan is such a dramatic gay i love him like babe,,,,,,,u don’t have to hyperbolize everything okay

‘i don’t know why but i stared at u for like a minute’ ‘yeah’ 

dan screaming when phil touched the crown dan,,,,,,,do u have even one (1) ounce of chill

look i’ve never seen dan fixate so much on anything except phil

‘stop enjoying these rolling chairs so much’ hi daniel do u recall not a month ago when u wheeled ur bf around the flat bc i do recall u having a bit of fun there 

phil knowing he has noodly arms and dan immediately going ‘don’t u dare say that abt my husband’ is a mood

buster howell

dnp being terrified of snapping their arms in an arm wrestling contest is such a mood literally that’s like my reason for never ever wanting to arm wrestle

‘when i literally snap phil in half’ try not to look so pleased abt that dan

‘i’m not very good at fighting talk am i’ why did this immediately translate in my head to dirty talk katie u need to Stop with the phanfiction

oh my god they put the board down and my first concern was all the stickers were gonna get moved off or fall off or w.e

disappearing chins

sorry ik it’s been there but the cactus has fairy lights on it

nerds fighting over who moved who’s limbs

dan u can’t call phil out for leaning when ur leaning urself okay 

he looks exactly like he did in the dk vid

rosy patch, rosy patch, we love u lil rosy patch

hi phil’s lips look particularly pretty here

what’s wrong with them who gave them permission to be this cute n domestic

dan u can’t look that offended when u offered to play that game

(offended but fond is dan’s only mood toward phil)

doesn’t count what bloody doesn’t count daniel u dork

hi why are u so giggly looking at phil okay that’s not Legal

very dry eyes and an aching left arm, that’s how you know you’ve had a good time thanks dan thanks didn’t want that didn’t need it goodbye

the way he trails off into a laugh though that’s some good shit right there

“we said it at the same time” of course u did 

okay so pika @wlwphil​ said that dnp exist in a feedback loop of stupid bc they don’t talk to anyone but themselves i think this vid exemplifies that idea quite well tbh especially the rock paper scissors bit these nerds are so isolated in this lil loop that they massively psyche each other out over rock paper scissors i’m crying

“we know each other so well” hi yeah we know

i think it’s quite interesting that dan’s not interrupting phil like he usually would n talking over him? he’s letting phil talk? & waiting for a moment to interject?

dan puts in lil mind sneks does he phil does he really

dan having no plan which is his plan while phil’s got his first eight moves planned out 

dan’s lil shut up

okay okay okay hold up here i wanna talk abt this (hi anon who said i just like to talk abt everything u right son u right) these idiots are staring at each other n dan says ‘you should admit to them right now that i win most rock paper scissors’ and phil, whilst still staring at dan, says ‘he does’

phil. phil ur talking to ur audience. but ur staring at ur man. i’m just. this shook me. this truly genuinely shook me and idk i don’t even have a good explanation it’s just so,,,,,,,unlike them???? i guess??

phil nobody consented to this stop

i’m living for dan not realizing this

what,,,,,what

phil wins: face #1

face #2

break for the weird heartbeat in the background

phil trying to psyche dan out i love him

face #3:

if u notice we have a careful progression of dan going from slightly fond to more fond (but offended) to horrified but fond. phil goes from victorious to massively victorious to ‘i think the universe is about to explode from how victorious he is’

dan shouldn’t be allowed to sound so fond abt losing that’s illegal people can’t do that

the return of cannot believe

bow to me biatch

jiggly camera

i’ve invited ur mum ‘no u haven’t’ i find it super cute that literally every time there’s a ur mum joke directed at kath phil has to deny it?

dan’s sweatpants n slippers

dan pulling out the catti/bratty voices from undertale i love it

philip michael lester, with this…

oi don’t touch it!

now prance, king

dan’s cheeky lil grin

this guy

dan waiting patiently to be thanked

excuse me daniel and philip what did u cut out we went from y’all’s hands being down below shot and then they’re up next to ur face???? excuse me

hi we missed a lot that’s not allowed

cutes

sorry i love when dan does this with his lips it cute

phil has this incredible ability to deliver jokes with such seriousness i mean honestly it’s a genuine skill like???? when dan delivers jokes u Know it’s a joke but phil man,,,,,he could be completely serious if taken out of context

hi i just like that dnp called each other philip and daniel in this vid good content

yes phil all or nothings are valid

i’m here for them like indicating the other has to say some Significant thing at the end of the vids it’s real cute

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2566

i set my alarm for noon today. i woke up. and i didn't feel like going back to sleep immediately. it was ten hours of sleep i got. i'm gonna try to see what happens with 11, to see if that works better, because i ended up needing a nap today. so i'll try 11. maybe not tonight on second thought, because i have a meeting tomorrow morning in derry for the con.

anyway, i'm off to bed, but in a moment.

today i got up at noon and read a little bit and hung around in my room because it was hot outside and cool inside my room because i keep my air conditioner on all the time.

i came downstairs upon request to go with my mom to get lunch, which was nice. we got wendy's and came home and sat and watched tv for a bit, and then i went back upstairs intending to take a shower, but it was so early i decided to sit and read for a bit, and that turned into a nap. when i woke up a little after 5, i took a shower and i got dressed and left soon after that, because nathon and i had planned last week to bring kimmy out for dinner at texas roadhouse. i got there first and put our names in and i went back and sat in the car because it was crowded inside and hot outside and i wanted Cold. so, back to the car i went.

-> by the way, i'm still using mom's car because james is fixing mine. the problem it's having is with a sensor in the transmission. that's all. so not the transmission itself, which is nice, because it won't be three grand to fix it. rip.

anyway.

nathon and kimberly arrived and i got the text message ten minutes later and we went in and i surprised kimmy, like nathon and i tend to do lol. we're good at keeping surprises secret. it was like, two weeks ago when nathon was like "hey when are you free to celebrate kimmy's birthday" so we've literally had this planned for two weeks, even though kimmy said today "let's go to TR for dinner" but nathon and i had already planned for it huehuehuehuehue

i guess it's just predictable. it's funny. and fun. i love them.

they're buying a house!! they showed me some listings that they'd looked at or were going to look at, and they're really nice houses. i'm excited for them.

after dinner, we stopped at the dragon to get a few things and then went back to their apartment and hung out for a couple hours. nathon built a new 40k set he got, kimmy played skyward sword that nathon got her for her birthday, and i finished reading a fic i had started earlier, and i watched kimmy play. i've never played a zelda game before, so it was fun to watch, especially since it's a game i've never seen played, either.

anyway, i headed out a little after 10 to come home, and i stopped at a gas station to grab some ice cream bc it was, by that point, quarter of 11, so i grabbed some stuff and came home. i turned on some lights, plopped the ice cream in the freezer, grabbed a few things from the fridge, and plopped myself down in the yonder to watch a couple episodes of murder she wrote. i should really get up earlier so i can watch the morning episodes. those start at 9am. maybe i'll try that.

anyway, it's now time for bed. i'll be happy to sleep.

i didn't hear from joel today, although i expect he's with the idiot squad at the moment, or has just gotten home from spending time with them. and FF posted some pictures earlier of the evening last night out on the pier. they're so fuckin pretty it makes me mad.

anyway, bedtime. hi hawks 👋

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 2: “I’m Trying To Lay Low” - Jake

JENNET

plan worked fabulously purrrrrrrrr

(a little later)

maybe its me being paranoid but why are jake,jones, and lindsay always the last three to leave calls............ when i have a f2 with all of em....

JESSICA

Song of the day is ELVIS by AOA. My favourite workout bop. Silver got voted out! So sad, I wanted to play with him. But also, kinda cool! This is the only game I have played where I truly didn't know anyone (except my very first ORG). What an experience. I know last confessional I said Sam and Shane were both kinda on the fence for me in terms of if I wanted to maybe work with them or not. An update: I think I want to work with both! Both of them, unprompted, told me they wanted to work with me if we lost immunity, and I have actually been getting along well with both of them I feel now that our conversations are moving past the sort of awkward beginning stages. I still like Sammy even though I probably should talk to him more oops... and Daisy/Lovelis/Ethan are also still in my good books. I kind of keep forgetting Pete and Cloud are on this tribe but when I remember, I am happy they are here. That being said, I think Cloud or Madison will be the first to go if we lose. Cloud is very inactive. Madison is too but she was at least on the call tonight. It might come down to how immunity goes. I want to participate because it will bond us as a team. That way even if we lose, I was a part of the team effort and won't stand out as someone who people don't know or want to work with. Also while I personally want Cloud or Madison out as I know them the least, I am not going to push it. I'll let somebody else throw out a name and as long as that name isn't Jessica then I will consider it. I sort of chilled today with the social game and only messaged people as they messaged me. The vibe of this team is very relaxed from what I can tell and I didn't want to overdo it with conversations and come across as too much. Tomorrow, my goal is to talk to every single person for at least 1 (one) whole real conversation. I might have to start using my good ol' tactic of sending people random youtube links and saying "what do you think of this" to get something going.... Honestly nothing starts a conversation like David Hasselhoff and his cinematic masterpieces that we call music videos. I hope the other tribe is full of problems so that when we eventually swap, I have a very easy time in this game.

LINDSAY

no recording tonight because i have a headache:( anyways i'm apparently not in as good of a position in the tribe as I was hoping. got left out of a six person group chat bc I was associated w Silver and people were nervous abt this vote w me. Jake luckily looped me in but I'm kind of bummed out people didn't trust me enough to let me in on this. I know it's probably just cuz Silver and I had been getting along alright the past two days but that means I'm in kind of a yucky position in the tribe that is starting to gear me up to a S6 type deal from survivor umich and I'm not fuckin' vibin. I'm gonna try to reach out (Nash appears to be ignoring me currently tho so lol) and try to fix that. I still want to work tight w Jones and Jake but I don't want them to be my only options. I need some more connections than that. ALSO WHEN SILVER DID THE THING MY HEART STOPPED LOL SO THAT MIGHT BE WHY IM BEING IGNORED also "you kept laughing at silver's jokes" was a comment someone leveled at me today and i couldn't find a good way to level and say i laugh at everything because that's how my brain is trained to react to everything. monkey brain cannot comprehend emotions so i laugh everything off. anyways i guess this is my clue i've got to step up. i mean, it's fine if i'm under the radar some because it's not merge yet so like it's fine, but i'm... worried. if nothing else we're even tho bc the galaghers got revealed as well as the six person alliance so we're all even here. bottom line is, i'm winning this fucking scavenger hunt this shit aint happening next week

JAKE

https://youtu.be/amXasrOidh0

y'all I'm still shaking from tonight tbh....

PENNINO

https://youtu.be/_26B1wn1pDw

JONES

https://youtu.be/7FngYQfYMB0

PETE

Nobody will want to vote me out if I have kittens and share pictures of them muahahahahahahahahahaha

JESSICA

Oh no, we lost! I hope that Shane and Daisy want to be a final 3 because that is what I am envisioning in my hopes, dreams, and mood board.

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mNEOfPVwOp-ltGoNTdEq59su-9Vl_Adm/view?usp=drivesdk

ETHAN

AHH TRIBAL IS SCARY MORE TO COME SOON BUT EVERYONE IS SO QUIET AND I DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM THE TARGET BUT IF I AM I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT IS JUST WEIRDLY QUIET AND MY PARANOIA IS EATING ME ALIVEEE

DAISY

https://youtu.be/tBDHsLvF8W8

NICOLE

WE ARE IMMUNE!!! I’m so excited to have flipped the vote on Silver AND got us immunity but, I’m gonna have to be more careful if I’m gonna go far in this game. I know I can be strategic, I can be a comp threat but I really have to work on making myself a little dimmer in the social department. If we swap or merge obviously down the line, I feel like I’m gonna have a LOT of different potential paths to the end but, it won’t matter if they all realize that. So I really really have to be careful here. I am playing this game with a level head so far and really trying to make my rounds daily to talk to people. I am close with Jake, close with Jones and close with Nash. I am working on forming better bonds with Jabari, Lindsay and Jennet right now and honestly to me, Pennino is a non factor as well as Mikey but I am obviously going to try to maintain being on their good side. So that’s all I got for this round it’s been pretty tame except for Jennet immediately leaking our alliance by accident. At this point I really don’t think it matters.

MADISON

Okay so our tribe is not superhuman and we finally lost a challenge so we will be attending tribal tonight. Nobody is really saying much in terms of what will happen which is extremely worrisome, however, I did hear Sam on call very subtly throw Cloud out there and I'm kinda hoping that Jessica and Shane heard that too and will kind of run with it. Daisy wants both of us to be safe and I feel the same way so I'm hoping that's what will happen. In other news!!! I have officially begun the idol hunt one round too late but perhaps that works out better because if something is found, I'll know it. So because of the way things were worded during the hunt, the idol has either been found already or whoever wrote this system wanted to through a red herring in there to trick us. I'm going with the latter because I feel like Jarod would do that. That's all from this neck of the woods for now, hopefully will be writing another one of these bad bois next round :*

SAM

https://youtu.be/liGOEuFKiFo

JENNET

I WILL die for jones btw...

(a little later)

Survived the immunity challenge... at what cost

(after falling asleep on the beach)

The way we accidentally won that comp is literally a joke.... period i guess?

PETE

so we lost cus we’re the beauty tribe not the brains tribe fuck math dude anyways, it’s been hella fuckin quiet like not a lot of people are on and aren’t really talking. Up until about, 4 hours before tribal Sam comes to me and says the vote is gonna be Cloud and i’m like what who why. All he said is “that’s what he’s heard” honestly i think it’s just his own idea but whatever. I don’t know Cloud at all so it’s fine with me. Sam, myself, Jessica, and Shane apparently are all agreed to vote Cloud and with Ethan’s vote that’ll be 5.

CLOUD

i have nithing to say other than i might just be the stupidest person on the planet. absolutley nothing is happening in my head ever. if i stay its pure luck HSKSHSNSKBSKS

NASH

smiles at immunity... this is cute it feels good to not be in danger for once! i’m honestly still worried my tribe might want to cut me at next tribal but at least tonight can be chill! i hope kiki is first brookeisa boot xoxo

SAMMY

honestly there is no tea, daisy found an idol and gambles her vote but she lost her vote early so no worries w that! I love her so much and i hope she doesn’t snake me...but daisy if ur reading this, in this moment i love dont snake me mwah!! I love Jess and I love Cloud but everyone’s telling me Cloud is the vote but I’m so sad because I had such a good time with them and they are one of the few funny ones in the game!! Anyways not much is happening we lost the challenge cause we are just bad at math...blinks...I don’t think I’m in any danger and this vote should be unanimous. I was also told someone said I was one of the few active people so that’s a check in my book!

JAKE

https://youtu.be/HmtSAjyQoJI

I'm trying to lay low so if I'm not very present on Discord the next day or so that's why hehe

PETE

so ethan is down for voting Cloud, sammy too. Cool great awesome hot. i’m just sitting here vibing and suddenly Sammy tells me that my (and Madison’s) name came up for a second. He said it went away and it’s Cloud for the vote but like jskdhd why do i aaalways get targeted bitch i’m literally just sitting here whYY can’t i relax for once?! Frfr every survivor game it’s always this person or me. I’m always the other option and i just don’t get why lmao

LOVELIS

This tribes been kinda dead until like an hour ago plss, a new alliance of 5 has been organised and somehow me and Shane managed to make it seem like it was Jessica’s idea? Don’t really know how that happened in all honesty but a vibe. Then Daisy also leaked that she’s in another alliance who’s actively idol hunting so that was a lovely bit of beef that I love to see - my guess is she’s in a duo chat with Jess and they’ve tried to get this group formed with people who they think are unconnected, unbeknownst to them that me and Shane have a final two deal and I kinda have one with Sammy as well that happened on day one but it’s not really developed as of yet, he’s not really tried to talk game with me as of yet, but all in due time I suppose there’s plenty of time for more shenanigans 😂

MIKEY

HONESTLY Chile. Not much tea going around since this round we won. Im very proud of Nicole as she literally carried us and I pray she'll do it again dhbhsfg. Ive started getting really close with Jones and she's so fun to talk to, im hoping me her and nash can form a little trio and work together but who knows. Jennet STILL hasn't replied back after like a week so idk what's up w them LMAO

JABARI

So our tribe loved it when we blindsided silver, it puts me in a much better position than before. Now I have to talk more to people and take time to realize what's gonna happen. As of right now I have 2 alliances. The big majority one and the one where its just me and Jake and Jennet.

JENNET

exactly.... 

https://open.spotify.com/album/0pWu9s2gPdVgqHpMR2LDEx?si=uOqh6Ar9RiqNLUfaBZEkvw

TRIBAL COUNCIL

[goodestboyryuji]

whaddup i’m still alive and still very dead

life update i gues???? since it’s been fuckin forever and i’m sporadic at best these days

boyf and i are are OFFICIALLY dunzo. near the end we had a couple fights where i called him on his shit and he was like ‘i didn’t know that was bad to do’ and i’m like ‘you didn’t fuckin know you’re not supposed to pinch people until they bruise??? wtf did you think i was doing when i said it hurt?”

he stopped pinching me after that but jesus. it was almost harder to trust him after that bc if he didn’t understand THAT what else was he not gonna understand???? the sad part is i actually don’t think he knew what he was doing was wrong. fucked up in so many different ways.

he also started reading “dead bedroom” subreddit and was coming to me with all this BS about how i needed to fix my low libido bc he had high libido and what i was doing to him wasn’t fair. never once considering WHY i don’t want sex with him anymore. the conversations got so maddening i just couldn’t take it

so i guess now he can take his high libido ass to someone who can deal /shrug

i mean it sucks, it definitely sucks. he was my best friend, and while the romance died long ago, he was still the person i wanted to hangout with. we streamed games together i won’t get to finish now (*SOB* PERSONA ((jk my brother’s getting it and imma play with him but it’s gonna be another fuckin 100 hours before i get to where i was lol))) our friends are having a halloween party i won’t get to go to. we’re figuring out a schedule with our dog. it’s shitty stuff but it’s a part of life and i’m very, very excited to indulge in some self-care. i need it.

work crush is A PROBLEM. now that i’m single i have less morality issues with my giant ass crush on him, tho he’s still very much NOT single so i will continue to live in this hELL. i straightened my hair the other day and his jaw literally dropped tho and he stuttered and was like ‘y-you..what did...there’s...your hair???” and i was like “ya i straightened it lol” and then he ran his fingers through it SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS

figuring out my living situation is kind of a nightmare. it’s part of why i’ve been so sporadic in my visits here and 300% behind on my writing. i don’t have consistent access to a laptop--or, for that matter, the same bed--so it’s just been a lot of suitcase living. it’s not bad and i’ve got places to sleep, but nothing feels like home. 

anyway, that’s kinda all i have to say for now. been a bit down lately. change is hard. good, but hard. thank you to all of you who have stuck by me; i genuinely believe i wouldn’t have found the strength to leave this situation if it weren’t for you. just a few months ago i was scared, hurt, and living in a warped world of self-doubt and hesitation. i remember the fear i felt the first time i posted about boyf, bc saying it meant it was real, and how i hedged around what was happening. i remember the self-blaming i did every day, but here we are now. i'm still scared and hurt but i know who i am and i know i’m not what he said or says. i truly, genuinely owe that entirely to you. so thank you.

[briteboy]

stealing @bratsims format because i need a less ugly way to mass answer your messages which will hopefully motivate me to stay on top of this! at least i can say i tried

so if you sent me an anon message in the past...idk MONTH (i’m bad i know) it might be here. (older ones are near the bottom) if not, check my faq because it’s probably answered there. (and if you’re the person/people who sent the twin flame & 7th house asks, i plan to answer those separately because i have a LOT to say. get ready)

game of thrones, nuclear war, real life santis, lou theories, i’m evil, HERE WE GO!! i literally had to cut it off at the last one because it was just too much for now. i’ll try to answer some more later ok

we’re starting off on a great note

Anonymous said: gaddamn rooney's tiddies lookin' hella ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STOP!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S MY CHILD soaidfnjds she’s supposed to have like b/c cups (goals for me tbh, the big boob life is not fun) and sims 4 pregnancies just fuckin make them...NYOOM i’m mad you can’t edit sims’ bodies during pregnancy even with cas.fulleditmode on -___- so i let her live with her giant preggo tiddies for now

Ngl I want a kiss between Santi and Gianni (I'm sorry I'm literally trash)

then i’m here to satisfy your desires: they do kiss periodically because gianni is one of those people who’s like “why shouldn’t you kiss your friends?” free love 4 everyone

IM SCREAING AT UR YOUTUBE CHANNEL OK!!!! I LOVEEE IT, WOW

DON’T IT’S UGLY EXCEPT FOR LIKE TWO VIDEOS

hey this is kinda random but i thought joe seaward from glass animals looked kinda like santi? he has quite a weird face too lmao

oMG i actually love that, i know what you mean. that dude reminds me of a bull terrier lmao i actually saw glass animals like two weeks ago!! i didn’t really get a good look at the drummer but now i wish i did. missed connection

i just finished reading santi's story and ugh it almost had me in tears! beautiful, your story telling skills and editing skills are perfection!

ahhhhsdkgkds thank you so much ;____; that means the world to me <333

Unpopular opinion: im so done with game of thrones tbh. It's not even good anymore :/ I liked the first season but since then i've skipped through episodes because they are just sooo fucking boring and dragged out!

see like the first three seasons were pretty good because they stayed true to the books. (actually that’s a lie, littlefinger’s chaos speech in the s3 finale was real fuckin bad because guess what: it was original material LMAO) the fourth season was where it started to get messy and then the fifth season was a fucking shitshow because they completely IGNORED the fourth book and cherrypicked all the “good” parts out of it (read: the most action-y parts, while ignoring all the most important pieces of character development) and they botched the dorne storyline, oh and who could forget the iconic moment of throwing in a rape (THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS) just for fun :) love it! but anyway if you think the show is boring i probably wouldn’t recommend the books, they’re even slower getting through them lmao. but it’s worth it in my opinion. there’s so much they don’t include in the show and it makes me Angery

Okay, game of thrones fan here, I haven't read the books (yet at least, I bought book 1) but I feel like dany is going to practically turn into her father, this season she is already showing traits like his.......

OH YEAH i definitely feel like they’re moving in that direction in the process of revealing jon as the “true” king of westeros and it’s so bad lmfao. the thing is, like...cersei is already mad king 2.0? why do we need another one?????? the entire point of dany’s arc is that she’s constantly trying to deviate AWAY from the way her father ruled, demonstrated by the fact that she freed the slaves (whereas all the targaryens before were slave owners), the fact that she’s not perpetuating the whole incest thing (LMAO GUESS AGAIN BECAUSE JONERYS HAS TO HAPPEN FOR SOME FCKING REASON), the fact that she has dragons which haven’t existed in how many years...like, if she ever ends up being like her father in the books, it’s NOT gonna fucking happen like this. but i don’t think she will anyway, george rr martin has been pretty clear about her trajectory thus far. anyway this show is so ugly, next question

rooney's eye are so BIG

just like her tiddies lmao i kno sometimes i forget how big they are and then she does one of those silly endearing animations and i’m like o ;-; hello big dumb baby cow eyes

Cows? Are you secretly Matthew Daddario?

WHO i had to google him lmao i was about to say “oh the teen wolf guy” but jk @ myself u idiot it’s shadowhunters damn i literally googled “matthew daddario cows” and

tru

I love how fragile Lou looks like but the truth is that she is strong af and you can't play with her bruh

SHE IS ;-; and that’s a huge theme in her story, i’m excited <3

ima leave ur blog and come bk and spam you so you will finally notice me

im part of this online forum of girls that talks about our period and weather or not one of us might be pregnant and once this girl posted saying that her husband invited his mom without telling her to thier honeymoon and she didnt find out until they arrived at the hotel and she was already there. the most recent part reminded me of it. but long story short, her dad moved all her stuff out of his house and her friend came to pick her up and they got a divorce.

OISOJDFAKNLJSD WHAT!!! i’m guessing you sent this because of that thing i said about the reddit post lmfaooo imagine your mom on your honeymoon. why. that’s soooooooooo good 4 her u know. u don’t need to be married to his mom as well

thanks 4 trusting my love santi. he's beautiful

thank u he thinks ur beautiful too 💘

do you have any tips for runing game in good quality and fast?

euhhhhh the only tips i have for you are to merge your cc, close all other programs while you play your game, maybe invest in a cooling pad uhhhhhh yeah idk any other tips you can probably find on google

You told that thing about unfollowing people and I thought you unfollowed me, but then I checked and you didn't and I'm crying omg

lmao omg ;-; i literally cut my following list in half, it was so chaotic and it was making me anxious. so if ever unfollow any of you please don’t take it personally (i know it’s a stupid thing to say, and it’s a lot easier said than done) it’s just my brain explodes when there’s too much going on at once and some content blends into others, i’m trying to only follow people who i’m genuinely interested in enough to keep up with their posts from now on

I haven't been able to sleep in over 72 hours thanks to the constant fear over the looming world war. I'm fine. Completely fine

Oh shit, have you noticed that the media has been putting out more 'what to do during a nuclear attack' kinda articles? This world is slowly going to shit, for real. I'm not even near any of the danger really, but it still absolutely terrifies me to see all of that bc it could very well go wrong and hit my place as well yknow? I have no idea why i send this to you but you seem chill and calm so thanks for reading my freakout askfjsls

YEP it’s pretty terrifying. but at the same time don’t let fear overwhelm you, fearmongering is an ugly, ugly thing and you don’t want to live your life constantly worrying. so just prepare yourself for what might come, but at the same time, just spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, and then if it doesn’t turn out as bad as we thought it would, you *tim mcgraw voice* lived like u were dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyin’

@ Jesus anon: I really don't think it's the right time to complain about "using the lord name in vain" when there are people terrified of leaving their homes bc they are afraid to get killed (aka that poor, poor Jewish anon in charlottesville)

yeah idk like i want to respect everyone but it seemed to be in poor taste to bring that up at a time like that lmao. and also i’ve literally never in my entire life met someone who actually takes “don’t say the lord’s name in vain” seriously. 

I asked about the poses and HOLY CRAP THANK YOU SO MUCH! I finally have good poses to use for story telling. Thank you soo so so so sooooo much!

YAY i’m glad you found some good stuff <3 and honestly just going through lana’s blog you’ll find a ton of good poses, it’s a gold mine

Idk how much tv you watch, but have you've ever come across a tv show that used music from The Sim? Because once in a while I'll hear Sims 3 build/buy music on some random show and I'll get a lil shook because I find it so weird that the generic music they're using comes from a major game title.

OMG LMAO NO what i wish i’d come across that tho. one time i used sims 1 music in a video i made for school and someone recognized it

I love your stories gosh I check your page "it's everyday bro with femmesim flow" Lol sorry for that awkward Jake Paul "poop" ❤️

lmao thank u i had no idea who jake paul was until my friends started talking about him

yo, I also remember once in french class real life santi asked me what videos games I like to play. When I told him the sims, he looked at me for a while and shaked his head. He was like, "why do you want to watch your sims use the toilet?"

WHY DO YOU WANT TO WATCH YOUR SIMS USE THE TOILET SAME that’s all i care about when i play

that rooney face in the 5 facts is so iconic, its my fave picture of her. You should blow it up and frame it

i should tbh. i should print it out and put it in my wallet to show everyone because she is my child

sorry the bother you, merging cc makes your game smoother? can you explain to me please?

boop

hi i love you ♡ pass it on

I LOVE U

Can I say that hearing a MacBooks fans screaming for dear life as they try to cool down when playing the sims has actually started to haunt my nightmares

SAME my macbook is actually doing it right now for no reason. thanks laptop

Maybe Santi should go to therapy to talk out his issues.

maybe he should 🤔  but tbh he’s already talked out everything, there’s nothing really more to talk out. he just has to cope with it. he’s treated lou like his therapist thus far and that’s not okay

i love ur story and omg i totally get where lou is coming from with being tired of being compared to molly by santi, thatd hurt so much esp with how much she cares about him

thank youuu ;-; i’m glad you understand, this was a part i’d wanted to get out for a loooong time now, and i know you guys were always like “um why does she put up with this” lmao. she just loves him, that’s why. but you’re right, it does hurt.

My theory is very similar to the other anons in that Fiona's dad/Lou's ex had a mental illness (schizophrenia, depression, what have you) but he actually did kill himself and that's why she's not completely losing it on Santi because I feel like most people in that situation would have not handled it as well as Lou did

🤔 you’re right about the last part, and there’s a reason she has so much patience, das all i’m sayin

i started your story from the beginning last night and i am in awe. Its amazing. It inspired me to put a little more effort in learning to edit and write. It was like reading screen caps from a movie! I didn't want to stop reading. Anyway thing was a super sappy ask, but i appreciate your stuff. And i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words.

omg ;__________; when people tell me i inspired them it means the most to me, my brain just can’t process it lmao. so thank you so so much ;-; <333 THE MOVIE THING ESPECIALLY GOT ME IN THE HEART because i feel like that’s my aesthetic with most things i create because i’m such a film person lol. don’t worry i love super sappy, and you did a good job of wording everything because it got me right in the feels <33

Okay I've been snickering for about 43 minutes bc SANTI GOT THAT GRU CHINNN

WOT is that i googled it and the only thing that came up was the dad from despicable me lmfaosdkjfs but ok

Please, please do punk edits of your some of your characters! I'd die.

WHAT DOES THIS MEANNN do you mean like. those 2010 tumblr edits of punk disney characters and then the joker from suicide squad looked like one of them. do u want santi to be the joker. because my boyfriend already relates him to suicide squad joker because of his face tatt lmao

You love to make me cry

i do i’m sorry. if it makes you feel any better i love to make myself cry too. but my biceps grow stronger with every tear

I reeeally dont think those chancla comments were offensive??? Why would they be?? I'm hispanic (born and raised in the sunny Dominican Republic, received a fair amount of chancletazos myself) and I laughed out loud when i read them 😂😂

I JUST WANT U TO KNOW I SHOWED @ichosim THIS MESSAGE AND SHE LAUGHED FOR 12 HOURS AT “CHANCLETAZOS”

whATT my little brothers name is santiago n we call him santi for short!! guess it's not rly that uncommon but we live in a small country and he's also 4 so like,, no other santiagos!! idk why im saying this its completely irrelevant just kinda surprised me :'))

OMG wow hell yeah another real life santi...santi acts like a 4 yr old so he might as well be your brother

Just curious.. Do you play sims or just use it for storytelling? Sorry if thats weird haha

well my recent gameplay pics should answer your question lmao. i do like to play but i don’t have enough time to both play and pose scenes so i mostly just pose scenes for now. :[ i am gonna be off work for like two weeks tho so hell yeah gameplay here i come!!

I'm starting a Fiona appreciation movement because she is the real star of santis story RT and i love her and she is way underappreciated and I love her KThxBi

SHE IS THE REAL STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve said this before but santi’s relationship with her is the most important to me, out of every relationship he has in this story. i’m so glad you love her so much, sorry about what’s about to come in the next few scenes tho

Oh my heart, Santi is alive, god exist

I have a pretty hard time understanding Santi's story mostly because I'm not English but I'm sure I'll figure it out:)

ahh oh no D: i’m sorry i wish i spoke every language in the world lmao. if you want, you can message me off anon and i’ll help you understand it!!

Lou is an angel honestly

“there are worse things than seeing an angel before you die”

what tablet do you use? or how do you draw hair? it looks so pretty.

omg haha i don’t have one! i wish i did tho. all of the brushes i got from deviantart, i’m trying to find the specific ones but they’re all elusive wtf. i’ll post them when i find them! for now, here’s a good guide to drawing hair, by airi <3

Nah nah I always knew you'd save him.....eheheeh.....THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING BABBY SANTEEEEEEEEE DNDDNSKANW YOU WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BLOOD ON UR HANDS AS ALL UR FOLLOWERS COLLECTIVELY DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART BUT DW WE DIDNT BECAUSE UR QN ANGEL....but I toooootally knew you'd save him... /sweats/

I’M GLAD U HAD FAITH <3 i know omfg i would’ve expected a mob at my house if i’d actually killed him. if i ever killed him i would just lay down somewhere and die. that’s it for me

Lou & molly almost always have teeth showing, do you draw them on each pic?x

no, only sometimes i’ve drawn them when i felt like their mouths weren’t matching the expression i wanted. but most of the time it’s just the pose.

is it too late to send 16k dollars to guarantee santi's inclusion in a loving home with loving friends

it is absolutely never too late to send me 16k i promise you that

I just bought school books for $550 who knew studying marine biology could be so fuckING EXPENSIVE

EWW WTF...i’ve been lucky and haven’t had to spend a ton on books in my college career (one time i even went to such lengths that i got access to free trial version of one of my school books in a pdf, screencapped EVERY SINGLE PAGE, which was more than 400 pages, just so i wouldn’t have to spend $70 on it. i love cheating the system)

waIT i never saw ur selfie where is it, must see

u could probably just search “selfie” on my blog and find it, or enjoy the ugly closeup drunk snap i posted last night

Hey guys I'm a happy trans man that has no mental illnesses. I'm fucking pissed about Trump's ban. And to any one that says it's logical FUCK YOU! I'm having flashbacks to don't ask, don't tell because this is the same fucking wacked up logic. I'm so angry, like I'm a human, yes I may require testosterone shots once a month but that's it, I even administer them to myself. I pay for them with my own god damn money so fuck you transphobic bigots who say this law is fair. It's not. WE ARE HUMAN TOO Also same anon that ranted. Sorry about that I'm just really pissed and I love and thank you for sticking up for the community. We love you and I love you. And you're right not all trans people transition. We all do what we want to. Some start on T or E and have the full surgery. Some just have top surgery. Some just do testosterone or estrogen. Some never do anything. We're all still trans and we're all valid.

YES ALL OF THIS, sorry i didn’t answer this when it was all happening. but askdkjfas thank you for this message, I LOVE YOU TOO, SO MUCH <333 and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough to voice this in my inbox. yes every trans person is valid no matter what they decide to do with their bodies <3

One of those old hot topic shirts that said " if Darryl dies we riot " but with santi instead of Darryl.

OMG LMAOOOOO NOW THAT’S A CONCEPT who’s making these i want one

your use of references and reaction pics and gifs fucken KILLS ME

Crystal anon here. I googled around my area to find there are none of those y'know, crystal, candle, incense, magic type shops. I have panic attacks when I go outside and I wanted to look into alternative stuff since I'm on meds and w/e. I wanted to know if you or friends had any experience or recommendations for buying crystals online like on etsy or amazon. How can you tell if they're real?x

ooooh ok. usually there are shops like those in cities or even in towns with like kitschy little promenades with independent shops. (i know there’s one around the town over from mine, which is so random lmao) i do have friends that have crystals but i think they mostly just collect them for the ~good vibez~ and don’t really look too far into the healing aspects of them. i would say first go with the one that coincides with your birth because those are the ones that are like specifically catered to you and strengthen your being. as for buying online, hmmmmm i mean i don’t really know any specific trustworthy sellers because i don’t have much experience with this, but definitely read the reviews! those will help you a lot <3

Hello could you please tell us how you edited the pic of rooney in that one post that the anon asked for the unedited version?

i honestly didn’t do much of anything that differs from my usual editing process! i made her eyes a bit bigger by using the clone tool, cloning the top of her eye and applying it a little bit farther up...if that makes sense. it’s hard to explain how to use that tool lmao. and i think i used the liquify tool to bring part of her eyebrow down to look more worried.

there's still a part of me that says she ain't dead and molly is just in a coma lmao end mE

OMFLDKGKJS yeah she’s not dead surprise. i WILL say there is still flashback stuff that will be revealed. well not “revealed” like molly’s death was revealed, like i just still have to showcase some things that happened afterward. because it doesn’t just end with molly’s death, there’s stuff after that as well :~}

I'm Mexican, have lived around Mexicans, have been to Mexico multiple times growing up, just came back from a family trip at practically the border between Mexico and Guatemala and never in my life have I ever heard the word "joder" i had to look it up xD (not hating or anything I just thought I'd mention it cuz I found it funny...lol) k bye...

OK NOT SURE IF the ppl you’ve been around just don’t curse or whatever but...joder is DEFINITELY something i’ve heard mexican people say before lmao

Okay so this is random, but i was telling my sister the name of one your characters in ur story (santi) and she kinda just starts singing his name, and she said "santi high, santi low, santi go." And im just sitting there, like woah.

LMFAO WHATKNJDSKJGD “woah” same

u gonna incorporate fis hat into a really like emotional sad thing in her story huh

oMG i wasn’t planning on it but hmm 🤔

Why no el chingo? NO ME GUSTA (I'm joking btw ily)

LMFAOOOO because i didn’t wanna have to defile my son by downloading the penis mod RIP

let santi grow out dem eyebrows 2kforever

omg he does let them grow out except for the little line he shaved in when he was 14 that never grew back RIP

in ur bio it says "kt" and i know why,, it means killing them as in killing off ur characters slowly i see u gurl

i bet this story was just an excuse for you to see the world burn. well done.

OMG i mean, that was definitely one of the side effects of it all. but really it was just that i NEEDED to get this story out after it had lived in my brain for so long.

ur dead 2 me

I... just.... can't... too much pain Y U DO DIS 2 UZ?!?!!!

[patchworktail]

ITS 4:30 AM AND I DONT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING so I’m gonna do this meme that i got tagged for twiCE and totally forgot to do til now!!!! (i had 2 dig through your blogs to find them omg)

ANYWAY i was tagged by both @mooitstimdrake​ and @cynessie​ (I MISS U BOTH BTW ❤)

RULES: Share 11 facts about yourself, answer 11 questions provided by the tagger, tag 11 awesome people and leave 11 questions for them to answer!

(I’m gonna skip tagging people/asking 11 questions - 1) because I’m lazy 2) because a lot of people who I would tag either have already been tagged or woN’T DO IT and 3) I have to answer two sets of 11 questions anyway so I’ll let one of those sets take the place of my 11 questions!!)

11 Facts

I was supposed to leave to move into my college 3 days ago but since my college is in Savannah they pushed off move-in/orientation for a weEK BECAUSE OF HURRICANE IRMA AND I’M STILL UPSET/DISAPPOINTED

That being said I’m about to start as a college freshman at art school, planning on majoring in animation! :D

I binged all of Buzzfeed Unsolved in like 2 days and I fuckin LOVE IT

Also BNHA is like my current main obsession???? I fell in love w that anime and uhhhh I’d Die For My Kids

I almost never use skype anymore - I’m always on Discord now (mutuals may add me just message me if you want my tag :3c)

I loooove creating OCs and my main OC is a forest elf named Rally and he’s precious and I LOVE HIM AND COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS (also my best friend @/harpxer and I have a huge ongoing rp with him and her mountain elf oc, Kahl!! they’re really gay)

Hmmm fun fact I guess I’ve been involved with internet communities since I was 10 years old and I made my very first internet friend when I was 10 and we’re still great friends and talk p much every day to this day (hi @/fiishr)

I want a tattoo super bad but idk what I’d geT

I worked at a jewelry engraving stand at an amusement park this summer and one night I accidentally gave myself a 1st degree burn on my finger from the hot glue gun and it hurt So Bad

I had my graduation party this July and it was really fun but the best part was when 14 of us played this giant game of spoons and it got really intense, made worse by people randomly screaming during it, and then we collectively decided to blast hardcore rap music from the speakers and Let Me Tell You i have not been involved in a more stressful card game in my LIFE

I’ll always always always fall for the hero/happy character/protagonist basically....idk what it is about me but I’m so Predictable...I love cute optimistic brave characters who just wanna do Right.....I don’t cARE IF PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BORING I THINK THEY’RE PERFECT AND AMAZIGN AND I LOVE THEM

AS FOR AN EXTRA 12TH FACT ABOUT ME AS U CAN SEE I WRITE WAY TOO MUCH AND ALSO I’M THE BIGGEST OVERSHARER E V E R IT’S SO BAD SOMEONE STOP ME

ANYWAY ONTO THE QUESTIONS :3c

@mooitstimdrake​‘s Questions:

If you were to make a new blog dedicated to one single thing (fandom, hobby/activity, etc) what would it be? Honestly, right at the moment probably BNHA!!!! it’s legit my most recent big obsession and I love it?? so much???

If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you have? A RACCOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH and some people actually do have them as pets! They can be difficult though but WORTH IT

Who was your favorite teacher and why were they your favorite? OH BOY......I’m gonna say it’s a tie between my AP studio art teacher and my AP US government teacher from this past year, my senior year! My AP art teacher because our class was super tiny, 12 kids, and it really felt like a family?? She was a-okay with letting us all goof around and say weird shit, she was really chill and funny and like. part teacher, part friend, which was always nice. As for my AP gov teacher, he was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY. OH MAN. NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE he just like? put up with SO MUCH? we had some real character kids in that class and my teacher’s reactions were HILARIOUS. he had a sarcastic streak too so his responses were equally as funny when someone did something weird. He would say the funniest stuff just ask @/harpxer I would tell her so many stories from that class sohboshrb. Aside from the humor that class was really interesting, and he’s a really good, invested teacher - he wanted us to learn, he’s super passionate about government and history, and he always started off each class with 2 current events which was really nice and helped me learn more about things happening in the world too!!! overall that was like my fav non-art class I’ve ever taken!!!!

What’s your guilty pleasure (and I’m challenging you not to say some kind of food)? HMMMMM. Honestly I’m gonna go ahead and say really cheesy or lame movies/shows (like, Disney channel movies, dumb shows - like the one summer I watched all of Glee LOL, stuff like that). Like yeah I know 90% of it is terRIBLE but it’s still amusing/lighthearted stuff that makes me happy KLSDJVLSDHB

Favorite pizza topping? EXTRA CHEESE IF THAT COUNTS, if not then pepperoni!!

What’s the last thing you bought (that wasn’t food)? I’ve actually been buying a lot the past few weeks in prep for college/spending a little money for ONCE since I worked all summer. I got a bunch of boring stuff but the things I’m most excited about are: two posters I got for my dorm (The Office is one and one is Lord Huron), a giant wall tapestry (it’s Up themed!!!), tWO BNHA/POKEMON CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM I START CRYING BC THEYRE SO CUTE, and oh my GOD I BOUGHT THIS GIANT PILLOW FROM TARGET AND IT IS THE SINGLE SOFTEST THING I’VE EVER FELT AND IT’S HUGE AND IT IMMEDIATELY BECAME MY #1 COMFORT OBJECT AND TOP FIVE FAV THINGS IVE EVER BOUGHT!!!!!! I guess MOST recently though I just bought Clip Studio Paint online today (art program) since it’s on sale for 50% off and I’ve heard great things about it!

What upcoming movies/tv shows are you looking forward to? UHHHHH as for movies... justice league part 1, the incredibles 2, kingsman 2, the neW POKEMON MOVIE I CHOOSE YOU, probably a lot more I can’t remember rn. AS FOR SHOWS HMMM I’m...excited for the next season of the good place and izombie, and oh I’m excited for the punisher netflix show!! and the next season of voltron of COURSE!!! and next season of stranger things!! probably more I’m forgetting too tbh

Any recommendations (this could be anything just throw your best pitch at me)? JFISDJKLBJ I DON’T KNOW OMG tbh rachel you watch a lot of the same things I do already LMAOOO

What’s your favorite thing to wear that you own? OH FUCK I DUNNO HMMM I really like wearing my various leggings and scarves, but as like a Single Item....I like wearing....uhhhh I have this giANT sweater like it’s WAY too big for me but it’s so COMFY and I love it. I also love wearing my Star Labs sweatshirt bc it’s soft and comfortable

What was your first pet? my cat!!! we took her in as a stray kitten living in our backyard when I was like. 2 or 3 and so we’ve basically had her my whole life!!

If you could learn any language, what would it be? UHHHHHH honestly probably spanish - I took it 4 straight years and was okay at it in class but one year went by with me not taking it and I forgot everything LOOOL I’m...bad....at languages....

@cynessie‘s Questions:

Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been? I haven’t been many cool places :( I guess the coolest isssss I dunno it depends? Lake George is where I go on vacation every year, I LOVE NYC, I love Savannah too and it’s where I’m gonna be for college so?? ?? ?  ? I’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND I’M SAD BUT I’M POOR AND CAN’T AFFORD IT

What was the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? veterinarian!! 

Look to your right. What do you see? a dirty plate on my desk, my bed just past that, and my CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY THAT ARE SO CUTE I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE THEM

What are you procrastinating on? ajkldjboidj lik e 4 art commissions,,,, and 7 MAP parts,,,, and my pre-work for 2 of my classes,,,,,,,and cleaning my room,,,, and sending thank-you notes to relatives,,, SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND MAKE ME DO SHIT

Which family member are you closest too and what is their name? UHHHH.... I guess my younger brother Luke? or maybe my mom? I’m not on bad terms with anyone though, I love both my older brothers too and we all have a good sibling relationship I just talk more with my younger bro I think - second closest would be with my second older brother Connor!

What’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to Ultralife by Oh Wonder right now :3c I’ve been on a huUUGE Oh Wonder kick lately!!

What do you generally carry in your bag/pockets when you go out? my wallet (w my license and money and debit card and all), travel size lotion, phone, and chap stick!!

What is one thing you are excited for? FINALLY GETTING TO COLLEGE NEXT WEEK AND STARTING CLASSES FJIODFHINBDFHBNSBO

Do you believe in ghosts? I’m gonna hesitantly say YES but I’m not 100% convinced I don’t think

What is a skill you want to learn? MAYBE THIS IS WEIRD but I think learning how to act would be kinda neat. On a more realistic note I wish I could learn to exercise without dying

Tell me a joke. I’M BAD AT JOKES DON’T DO THIS TO ME NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH THAT’S ALL FOLKS it’s 5am now...Nice..... :’) I love my ability to stay up obscenely late while also getting Nothing Done JLSDNVDHAGHVDLAK

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

HERE IT IS!!! i’ve been waiting 700 fuckin pages for this omg; i have such fuckin Collector’s Pride about this passage in proust bc i think it is. the only instance in anything i have ever read??? where an author describes how the interaction btwn feeling compelled to hide vs. to draw attention to their being sick[bats] plays out--and where they get it right, bc proust speaks 1. from personal experience and 2. without either undue self-defensiveness or -mockery. SO I AM GOING TO QUOTE IT AT LENGTH, w/ regrets if ur on mobile.

Neurotic subjects are perhaps less addicted than any ... to “listening to their insides”: they hear so many things going on by which they realise later that they were wrong to let themselves be alarmed, that they end by paying no attention to any of them. Their nervous systems have so often cried out to them for help, as though with some serious malady, when it was simply going to start snowing or they were going to move house, that they have acquired the habit of paying no more heed to these warnings than a soldier who in the heat of battle perceives them so little that he is capable, although dying, of carrying on for some days still the life of a man in perfect health. One morning, bearing within me all my habitual ailments, from whose constant internal circulation I kept my mind turned as resolutely away as from the circulation of my blood, I came running blithely into the dining-room where my parents were already at table, and--having assured myself, as usual, that to feel cold may mean not that one ought to warm oneself but that, for instance, one has received a scolding, and not to feel hungry may mean that it is going to rain and not that one ought to fast--had taken my place between them when in the act of swallowing the first mouthful of a particularly tempting cutlet, a nausea and dizziness brought me to a halt, the feverish reaction of an illness that had already begun, the symptoms of which had been masked ... by the ice of my indifference, but which obstinately refused the nourishment that I was not in a fit state to absorb. Then, at the same moment, the thought that I would be prevented from going out if I was seen to be unwell gave me, as the instinct of self-preservation gives a wounded man, the strength to crawl to my own room, where I found that I had a temperature of 104, and then to get ready to go to the Champs-Elysées. Through the languid and vulnerable shell which encased them, my eager thoughts were urging me towards, were clamouring for the soothing delight of a game of prisoner’s base with Gilberte, and an hour later, barely able to keep on my feet, but happy in being by her side, I had still the strength to enjoy it. (2.92-3)

fjslahgsdf i love that (in addition to being complete nonsense in context) his rationalization re feeling cold teaches him to associate illness w/ punishment and thus w/ bad behavior??? and how he slides right from there to the more obvious connection btwn these phenomena, i.e. that as a child u feel compelled to hide both so as not to let ur parents deprive you of a privilege. also haha notice that in spite of his habitual lack of interest in food the narrator describes the cutlet as “particularly tempting,” vs. his later description of “eager thoughts” inside a “languid and vulnerable shell” holy... shit... yes??? i. get maybe unnecessarily excited, when i see depicted this, like. necessary cognitive dissonance. that comes w/ chronic illness; i often see that phenomenon reduced to “we fake being well, not being sick” but that never quite feels accurate to my experience. like it’s true that’s what ur doing when you go out n try to look nice and have fun, do school &c. w/out mentioning to anyone that ur not well, yeah, but. qua sensation it’s more like a disconnect btwn the state of the fleshcase and the standard by which u judge external phenomena. like? the threshold past which you lose the ability to do that--to aesthetically appreciate or even feel tempted by food you intellectually know would nauseate you, for example--gets way higher; you develop a tolerance to the altered state, i guess, as you would to an actual drug.

anyway, also this:

For some time now I had been liable to fits of breathlessness, and our doctor, braving the disapproval of my grandmother, who saw me already dying a drunkard’s death, had recommended me to take ... beer, champagne or brandy when I felt an attack coming. ... I was often obliged, so that my grandmother should allow it to be given to me, instead of disguising, almost to make a display of my state of suffocation. On the other hand, as soon as I felt it coming, ... I would grow distressed at the thought of my grandmother’s anxiety, of which I was far more afraid than of my own sufferings. But at the same time my body, either because it was too weak to keep those sufferings secret, or because it feared lest, in their ignorance of the imminent attack, people might demand of me some exertion which it would have found impossible or dangerous, gave me the need to warn my grandmother of my symptoms with a precision into which I put a sort of physiological punctiliousness. If I observed in myself a disturbing symptom which I had not previously discerned, my body was in distress so long as I had not communicated it to my grandmother. If she pretended to take no notice, it made me insist. Sometimes I went too far; and that beloved face, which was no longer able always to control its emotion as in the past, would betray an expression of pity, a painful contraction. ... And its scruples being at the same time calmed by the certainty that she was now aware of the discomfort that I felt, my body offered no opposition to my reassuring her. I protested that this discomfort was not really painful, that I was in no sense to be pitied, that she might be quite sure that I was now happy; my body had wished to secure exactly the amount of pity that it deserved, and, provided that someone knew that it had a pain in its right side, it could see no harm in my declaring that this pain was of no consequence and was not an obstacle to my happiness (93-4)

i just?? yes? exactly!!! that is exactly how it works like it feels fucking horrible not to tell anyone but also u. don’t want to, because it will inevitably sound like a Big Deal, and sort of is a big deal In The Grand Scheme Of Things re how much it affects your life, but in order to admit that (and thus not have to worry about how to Break The News when and if it becomes relevant) you risk making it sound Tragic or Scary, which it isn’t, because it’s. normal. i like that the only role he gives to fear, here, is worry about how to navigate social situations while ill; i’ve been so indignant lately about all the time i spent accepting other people’s perception that i was afraid of being or becoming ill when... no? he’s right; that stopped being scary ages ago. what u have is a constant quiet knowledge that u are Weak and Ailing--in a way/to an extent that it may or may not be safe or plausible to hide--and a fear of how that might affect ur social existence and ability to function. and it’s so fucking nice to see that mentality figure in a story!!!

[survivorhogsmeade]

Episode #7: Little Ol Alex Tried To Play A Game That I Can Play So Much Better. -Anna

I LOVE this challege, I either do really good or really bad at it, once I WON this in something so I'm really hoping I can win it now, I live for this kind of challenge.  FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Flawless vote out. Not i gotta solve a word puzzle......... I am bad at words

After a long week I've decided to get voted out next tribal I'm too busy to do challenges but I'm still going on the jury

Okay, so Olivia just had a crazy idea. Kevin approached her and Elmo saying that he wanted to be voted out next.  But Olivia was like "hey what if we don't vote Kevin and vote Alex C and then get out 2 birds with one stone, cause Kevin may drop out or strike out". So crazy plan that might just work. Don't know if we are going to go through with it, still have people to talk to, but this might be the best move.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0XxTJveWxHT

thoughts about kevin wanting to get voted out + what do i need to do

I’m sad that Kevin walked but I mean I should be happy that makes it easier for ME! Also Anna and I can’t  wait to see the Alex’s go after one another, heh heh JoannaI am bad at anagrams. This is what I have learned. So, not shocked, tbh. I can't see words in letters. 

I WON IMMUNITY! OMG I'm so happy, I worked pretty hard on this challenge because I find challenges like this really fun.. May I just say, my darling hosts I know people aren't giving you the effort you deserve BUT I am having sooo much fun playing this game. Every challenge I've enjoyed and have CHALLENGED me which I love, ya'll are a dream come true and 2 amazing people that I'm happy to call my friends after this game!! 

I'm just really proud of myself for winning this immunity because idk I always doubt myself with how "smart" I am and this was a puzzle challenge with letters and numbers and I usually lose those against someone "smarter" then me on Epicmafia. It's just really nice to try hard for something and win it!! I'm def patting myself on the back right now and I'm sooo elated that I won!!!!

this vote makes me uncomfortable

why did u leave kevin i miss u :(

stephen has to go

i want him to go 

but other ppl want alex c, that's fine too

but i'd rather have stephen gone!! 

im gonna pitch it with joanna tbh and see what happens

also create a 5 man alliance between ruthie, alex  s, myself, joanna and olivia

i do love a great majority (-:

Well I had a genius plan of not voting Kevin and voting alex c instead bc everyone would expect Kevin and then Kevin went ahead and quit anyways  after telling us all to vote him and somehow gets to stay on the jury so that plan is fucked. Ruthie, alex s, Joanna, Elmo, and myself are all voting together and that’s a majority right there. The problem is Anna because I don’t trust her but Joanna wants to and she so clearly wants to be trusted but I have a really bad feeling that if we tell her the plan she will run straight to the others and an idol will be played. 

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0jfnFvVjiiY

this conff is such a mess omg

Wtf Anna 

I am orchestrating this vote since everyone is being quiet and wishy washy. The names going around were Madison, Stephen and Alex C. So I took Alex C's name and ran with it. Everyone is on board and we will be splitting it 5-2, Elmo and Joanna will vote Madison and everyone else is on Alex C. Hopefully this works out!!!

Wtf Anna 

Anna in her big swively chair:

This is just too fucking easy look at all these sheeple muahhahahahahahhaha

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0kVWEqJenxO

THIS VOTE IS A MESS YALL

So I go to bed with having no ideas about what the vote would be, but a sneaking suspicion that Alex and Madison weren’t being decisive or smart enough to keep control of the game. And I was right. I wake up to Anna telling me she’s heard Madisons name, Alex Cs name, and even my name. We eventually agreed that we should be voting out Alex C, and then she talking about splitting votes and now thats ringing alarm bells. If she’s trying to get Alex C to vote Madison, how do I know this isn’t a ploy to get my to vote against my one chance of surviving. I was content to play loyally and with alliances but now Annas poked the bear (haha I managed to fit a quasi-gay joke into a dramatic confessional) and whether or not she is being legitimate I’m ready to do something...potentially game destroying.

Okay so I keep feeling bad for not being super active but then when I try to step up my game I realize no one responds or gives a single fuck about it either so like. I guess I feel a little better? But also no one else seems to have much of an excuse so like...go off I guess? 

I will recount the tale of the fall of Rainbow Rumpus Partytown: Anna betrayed the Madison Alex C and I by trying to vote someone out. I betrayed Anna by telling Alex C and Madison. Now Alex C has betrayed me and Madison by saying he’ll vote Madison to save his ass. Geez that was a lot of betrayal for one morning.

THE HECK IS GOING ON. I don't trust anyone they are all SUPER shady, I'm debating whether I should go search for the idol for fun or not. 

Listen I'm just getting home only to find that Anna is a lyin' bitch. Like she's acting like Madison's going home when I'm being told it 's 5-2-2 me. Like ??????? just because you have immunity doesn't mean your safe for 5 years hunny.

So now I gotta panic and that's just another stress to add on woo

So Alex C willed me the Marauders Map in case he doesn’t survive tribal. Which he won’t because I’m going to vote him out. Oops. But he said it was “worthless” but it lets me see how many alliances someone is in!!! That is so useful! And of course the first thing I did was look at Anna, and it said she is in only one alliance, meaning she isn’t backstabbing us as badly as I thought. I feel a lot better about voting Alex C out now than I did a few minutes ago. Thanks Alex!

Help me I can't stop my cracked side from coming out and it's killing me

Okay so somehow, the foursome finally managed to agree on finally targeting Alex C.  Even with having lost Kevin, we're doing okay.  And, even better, Joanna and Anna are on board.

So, uh...what if that didn't happen?

Here is the thing: I don't know if my ideal F7 includes the foursome and Anna/Joanna/Stephen.  Because I might be the biggest target there, and I don't want to go to the finals with two of Ruthie/Elmo/Olivia.  One, at best, preferrably.  But I also don't know if I have the votes right now at that 7 to do what I want.

So..what if I pulled in two votes from the two people on the outs?  Wouldn't be the first time I've done it.  But is it worth it?  Who knows!  We might find out, I honestly haven't decided and it's only an hour until tribal!

It’ll probably be me tonight because someone will play an idol on alex c rip

If they do I’m gonna be so angry 

GAAAA this is literally last minute but I just can't be the only one who flips, I'm sorry other Alex

If I thought anybody else would join me; Anna, Joanna, Ruthie, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I'm too well set up to burn it all to the ground this early in the merge.

SOSOSOSSO, little ol Alex C tried to play a game that I can play so much better. We have that alliance still from swap Rosemerta and obv everyone is trying to get Alex C out so I was just giving them what they wanted and they basically baited me to say I'd vote Olivia. Alex C went to Olivia and told her I threw her name out, Stephen told me that he did that. I then went to Olivia and told her what really happened and hopefully worked that out with her.

ALEX C WHO U THINK U FUCKIN WITHHHHHHHH?!?!?!!?!? 

ALEX S. DON'T FAIL THE ALEXS I SWEAR

PLEASE ACTUALLY PULL OFF A 4-3-2 VOTE

IF THIS HAPPENS I WILL CRY TEARS OF HAPPINESS

[idunlikegirilikebah]

Blez: Zen, but then she falls in love with V and kinda forgets about him a little when the V route is released. She’s kinda lazy when it comes to the four days before each route, missing a bunch of chatrooms. Before she branches the path she usually replays a few to get the person she wants. Her first party she didn’t invite any guests (she was gonna wait until right before the party to answer all the emails but accidentally entered the party anyway). Was PISSED about the secret ends. She fell even more in love with V at that time.

Blee: She gained interest in Mystic Messenger from Tuesday and Cecilia through osmosis. She probably got a lot of bad endings for neglecting the chat rooms. (Stupid Blee, not adjusting her sleeping schedule for the RFA.) But once she started taking the game seriously, she tried to romance 707 even though she was in casual mode. She ended up going on Jaehee’s route instead, and she fell in lurv. Later on, when she FINALLY unlocked deep story mode, she went on 707’s route and fell in lurv with him too. She’s so conflicted about this. Help her.

Tuesday: She was the first among the Gen1 gang to play Mystic Messenger. She literally only downloaded it to romance Jaehee, but she ended up becoming Mystic Messenger trash instead. She sets alarms so she can get all the chat rooms without spending hourglasses. Whenever a chat room is unlocked, she drops EVERYTHING she’s doing to complete it. She cried like a bitch when V’s route was revealed. Also, Jumin is her husbando. (existential crisis intensifies)

Cecilia: Of course, Cecilia was the first to hear about Mystic Messenger from Tuesday. She was constantly bombarded with screenshot and fan art, but mostly, she only pretended to care cause that’s what good girlfriends do? Tuesday finally convinced Celie to download the game. However, the fILE WAS TOO BIG. “Just delete some stuff from your phone,” Tuesday insisted. Once Cecilia finally got it downloaded she skipped through the prologue without much thought, telling Tues it was okay. As she completed more chat rooms, though, she came to realize that it was pretty interesting. She didn’t give much thought to her choices in the game, and ended up getting Yoosung. She considered deleting the game at this point, because Yoosung definitely wasn’t her first choice. Then she got the feelins for him. How could she not? He’s such a sweet little gaming college student. She missed chat rooms sometimes, but never spent her hearts or hourglasses. She’s a HOARDER. As time went on, she began to fall in love with the one character without a route: Unknown.

Clay: “uuuuuuuu mystic messenger is GHEY”

Zenn: It was love at first sight for him. Yoosung was just so precious, he told himself that he would never love any other character more than him. (Especially not Seven. I mean, he’s the most popular character. Seven was too mainstream for him.) However, when he did Seven’s route he was completely and totally in love. He loved how energetic and happy he was, his depth of character later on in the route. Honestly, he found that out of all the characters, Seven was the most relatable. He replays Seven’s Christmas and Valentine’s Day content a lot. When he plays another route, he can’t help but get hearts from Seven. (“ugh i need to play his route again after this”) He spends a fuckton of money on hourglasses because he HAS to be in every single chat room no matter what. Has the after endings, Valentine’s Day content, and all the dlc for every character. Tried doing the bad endings but couldn’t bring himself to go through with them. (except for the bad ending in the christmas dlc)

Jase: Jase don't have a favorite he doesn't like the game. He got like two bad endings before he decided that he didn’t like it. “Why don’t you like the game, jase?” “i keep getting bad endings, therefore it’s trash” “did you play at least half of the chat rooms?” “nah” “did you get a lot of hearts from the character you were trying to get?” “nah, i kept breaking them” “did you get at least 10 people to come to the party?” “nah” “well, maybe if you gave it another chance--” “NAH”

Jess: She enjoys talking to Jumin a lot (are we sure the people in this app are fake? She cries) She wastes no time in finishing Zen’ route (which was who she got first), stashing her hourglasses and buying the deep route stories to see her husband. She finishes Jumin’s and feels empty inside. Literally cries to Sacra about her fake husband. “It’s not fair,” she sniffles, “he just needed someone to be there for him and understand. HE’S NOT A ROBOT HE HAS EMOTIONS TO-” “jess…. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP” She decides to take her mind off of Jumin and plays Seven’s route. She’s not too interested in him, thinks he’s a little annoying. She becomes interested in Vanderwood, however. Even more so during the Secret endings. By the end of it she’s left clutching her phone, emailing cheritz the same sentence over and over. “I NEED A VANDERWOOD ROUTE”

Danny: Danny does not wish to play because “that would make him gaayyy”

Sacra: Started playing way later than everyone else. His goal is to get all the endings. (WOO!) Wonders if he’s technically catfishing the RFA, and is amused by the thought. He didn’t aim for anyone’s route in particular, and ended up getting Zen. Hasn’t even played the other routes yet, but he’s already claimed Zen as his husbando. Gets really invested in the plot line for Zen’s route, literally cries to Jess when Zen gets depressed after Echo Girl’s false accusations. “I’m just so worried about him, you know? HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS.” And Jess just pats him on the head. Poor Saccles.

Kael: Jumin, because he’s hot and likes cats. What more could he possibly want?

Atlas: (shrug emoji) He don't play the vidya.

Blythe: Yoosung’s her fave, but she wishes he’d stop talking about Rika. Every time Yoosung does that, she’s like “(grumbles) if you miss her so much why don’t you just marry her?? fuckin Yoosung (picks the nice and supportive option)”. Gets extremely upset if she breaks anyone’s heart, even if she doesn’t like the character. “YOOSUNG NO. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT ABOUT RIKA (dies)” Selected the wrong options for most of the emails on her first run and barely got ten before the party.

Sparrow: Sparrow loves Yoosung because she's creepy and she always goes for the young, innocent ones. She completed every route in a week because she bought hourglasses for the 24 hour thing. She obviously completes the emails quickly, but she usually only just barely gets about ten guests.

Jax: Team Honey Buddha and PhD Pepper? *sits in a corner staring into seven's eyes* He loves both Seven and Unknown by the time he finishes the game, however. Frequently checks to see if there's a new chatroom when he's awake, and when one opens, he drops what he's doing to complete it. Sometimes uses hourglasses to unlock them for the next 24 hours. Sleeps with a 707 body pillow.

Kiro: Zen. Hottest Hari plus hottest RFA member equals… happiness? YES. Answers emails immediately after getting them, and never needs to look up walkthroughs to get those guests to come to the party. (Except for monogamy. He didn’t suggest they buy handcuffs for their girlfriend. WHO DOES THAT???) Gets THE FEELS like nobody’s business when he gets that phone call from Zen on day 9, where Zen talks about marriage and how Zen had imagined what their child would look like.

Enzo: fuck I don't want enzo to like any of them. It's like… he contaminates them with his… enzo… ness. I can't see him liking Jaehee, Jumin or seven. *sobs* he's a V man. He also has a thing for Jumin’s father, Chairman Han.

Armelle: She didn't like any of those fucks. She wishes there was a Glam Choi route.

Elodie: She starts the game and thinks Zen is super cute. However, as she’s playing, she feels bad for Jaehee and how hard she works, and ends up getting her route first. Hates Jumin with an undying passion because of it. She also gets more feelings for Zen because of Jaehee’s route, and plays his next. Literally apologizes to Jaehee out loud when she gets close to Zen. She tries really hard to save hourglasses but when she sees she missed a chat that Zen or Jaehee was in, she can’t control herself.

Bodford: His fave does not have a route. It’s the omelette Yoosung made. And omelette Yoosung too. He plays the April Fools dlc over and over so he can see his love and protect him from pigeons. Now, if only there was porridge in the game…

Dex: “ECHO GIRL ROUTE WHEN?” Doesn’t like the game, but he’s petty as fuck. He went on a campaign and sent spoilers to the rest of the cast until he got blocked by everyone. Except Tuesday. “Hey Tuesday, [SPOILER]” “wut. I already know that lolol.” “But what about [SPOILER]” “I completed Seven’s route four months ago” “V gets a route in august” “wtf that’s not a spoiler. That’s official news. You’re annoying, i’m blocking you”

Michael: *cries late at night bc Yoosung and Jumin aren't real* *i mean I lOVE YOU ZENN* Nah but for real if Jumin or Yoosung were real he would leave Zenn. Was one of the first to buy the newly released body pillow covers (Jumin’s of course), and bought Zenn the 707 one as a gift. They share custody of the emoji pillows. Michael keeps up with the chats. He barely ever misses any of them

Ursa: (squees about Yoosung with her girlfriend Blythe)

Johnny: Only downloaded Mystic Messenger because Tuesday kept crying over these fictional Korean men and wanted to see what the deal was. Oh boy. He loves the April Fools dlc okay. Tells everyone Jaehee is his favorite, but it’s really Unknown. He got the prologue bad ending right off the bat, and it was love at first sight. Made a squee of joy when Unknown called him cute. Got Unknown’s phone call in the Christmas dlc, and was like “wow I love Christmas now”. Johnny is a gayboy