#anyway. fml why does this happen every time

[uitzinnigmp3]

lmao i hate new years so much

[penguin0104]

A lot has happened since I last posted anything, so since the hospital night. Actually same night I find out she’s “moved on” and already seeing someone? Who was also there that night, which is the reason why I didn’t get to see much of her since she was too busy with him. I found out after she came back from being with him, they went and spoke alike in the car for 2 hours and I sat next to her begging like a dog, because that’s where I am at right now and then her phone rings and it’s a guy. She doesn’t call guys at night, I insist on asking who that is. She lied to me at first then eventually told me, she’s known him for a month now and they have been talking and have surprisingly seen each other more in a week alone then I have over the course of 9 months! Anyways I balled my eyes out that night and many nights following that night, I’m balling my eyes out as I write this. Anyways I walked home that night from the hospital, an hour walk until she was “worried” as told me to take a taxi. She says she doesn’t love me at all anymore and wants nothing to do with me. Can that be true? You don’t love someone anymore who you planned your future with? Can it be true?

Anyways, I’ve never cried so much for anything in my life, not a death nothing. And here I am crying like a baby every night and throughout the day, more stuff happened but no need details. My mum and sister found out, and I got her a promise ring with a note (which she got today but was too busy since she was out on a date with whoever that guy is). Yes, she was out on a date! While I was balling my eyes out at home, mind you she promised me to take it slow. If this is slow then what was the initial plan???? I begged her for 9 months to go out, we only went out alone 3 times! “Someone might see”, “I can’t lie to my parents”, “I don’t have time” always had an excuse! Always! And honestly I respected that excuse. But what changed now? Was no one gonna see? Did you tell your parents you’re going on a date or you lied? And you are the busiest now then you have ever been with everything going on with your family.

I just hate to see that there is more effort and attention being put with this new guy then there was with me. It hurts so bad 😭.

I know she cares about me, she says she does, but every time I try to mention something she says I have a lot going on right now and I don’t know what I’m doing. Yet she has the time to go out on a date and know what she’s doing there. Back to the promise ring with a note, she still hasn’t read the note, why? Because she was busy, I thought busy with family which I fully understand, but nope more like busy with dates and “getting to know him”.

Holy fuck my chest burns, my heart aches, my mouth is dry, I don’t know whether to cry or laugh or scream. I wanna punch the wall, I wanna punch someone, I’ll punch myself. I’ve never been this vulnerable and just plain pathetic. I cry uncontrollably, like someone’s died (I haven’t even cried like this when people I know died). I want her back, I need her back, I love her so much.

She told me to focus on myself and work harder and all that shit, give her time and space and “maybe” we’ll work out. And trust me I’m more than willing to give her all that, I’ll do anything for her, but how can I give her space and time while she’s out there consciously going out and getting to know a guy and talking to him and seeing him and everything? How can I sit by and watch all that? Please tell me how? Just how? I’m in love with this girl, I can’t stop thinking about her, I can’t!

It’s hard as fuck, but it would have been a little easier if there wasn’t a guy involved. She says she needs to focus on herself, then why is she already having someone in her life? Does she really need someone in her life right now? It just doesn’t make sense, nothing makes sense. I wanna fucking kill myself, fuck my fucking life, I hate it so much, FML 😭😭😭

Also also also, the day I found out she was already talking to someone I told her that I write about her everyday and I showed her, she read it…guess what, nothing, she said nothing, she said move on. I’m pouring my heart out here and nothing, why does this hurt so much 😭

I miss her so fucking much and I’m so insanely in love with her. But she’s already going out on dates and meeting up with this dude and getting to know him and everything 😭

[1111jenx]

spicy astro placements &

their culture 🪁💙🪁

(part I)

Hey loveee welcome to the second series following up my first astro culture series!! keep coming back to my pinned masterlist for the next parts🥳

If you missed by first astro culture series, check out my masterlist <3

🪁 leo moon culture is getting upset randomly and post on your instagram story something along the line of "Guys am I a good friend? Just wondering if y'all still wanna be my friends cause like sometimes I don't really know.." as you ignore 99+ group messages k😀

🪁 cancer rising culture is wondering wtf do people like you so much for absolutely no reason its like they just start circling you and start pouring their heart our tf💀 idc what y'all say cancer risings have hella vibes when they're happy

🪁pisces moon culture is using sense of humour to cope like y'all don't process emotions normally someone would literally amost die and you guys go "isn't it kinda funny, no lowkey?"💀💀💀

🪁 aquarius moon culture is being the absolute best at gift-gifting like watch y'all pull up with an heirloom and say smth like "what do you mean how do i know you wanted this? you told me like 9 years ago in a bar underground at 4:55 that you wanted this so i just did my best to find it anyways happy birthday where are the drinks" 💀💀

🪁 sagittarius mercury culture is thinking "fuck dawg i overshared again are they gonna use it against me yes or no fml "

🪁 moon-venus culture is planning a wholeass trip to mexico just so you end up falling asleep for 3 days straight rip

🪁libra moon culture is falling in love with leo moon.

🪁sagittarius rising culture is laughing out loud when you think of something so funny but you know you can't say it out loud cause its hella inappropriate so you start pinching yourself you can shut up😁

🪁 sagittarius placements culture is going in and out of consciousness every time they drink. bruh they're the type to be passing out on the couch for 5 minutes then wake up and act like nothing happen whatsoever light-weight who?💞

🪁 virgo moon culture is disappearing every 3-5 business days and your friends would have to call you to make sure you're still alive

🪁taurus moon culture is never having bad beef with someone upfront. if you cross them, they'll stay away from you and become acquaintances with you love, good vibes only💅🏼

🪁sagittarius moon culture is casual confrontation. would ask you to go out and get juices with them and while y'all are at it they'll be like 😀this drink is so good oh btw did you sleep with my ex the other night?😄

🪁 Mars & Sun dominant culture is your friend telling you to "behave" whenever you see a bitch that has bad blood with your bestie.

🪁 Pluto dominant culture is giving someones that nastiest most degrading look without saying a word after they lose it on you for no reason and then you walk away✨

🪁virgo rising culture is SEVERE ANGER ISSUE. they always suppress it so deep but when its bad its baaaad.

🪁moon in 2H culture is setting a timer at 2 am so you can wake up and kick your one night stand out of your place🤠

🪁taurus mars culture is constantly fighting between whether or not you want to be a hot girl summer and hoe around or celibacy. like its so bad but it feels so good energy amiright

🪁3H stellium culture is getting mad when your original ideas get stolen like thats my intellectual properties bitch

🪁venus-chiron aspects culture is falling for the most difficult people on earth like they would literally always get hurt so so bad in relationships like wtf

🪁saturn in the 10H culture is lowkey being hella nostalgic like they love seeing babies pictures of themselves so much like oh i was innocent once too😌

🪁venus in the 10H culture is getting turned off by the smallest stuff like uh why are you walking weird or why does you keep staring at me weird can you not 😐

🪁cancer rising culture is mastering the art of eye contact;)

🪁 mars in 5H culture is saying something EXTREMELY sexual to get a reaction out of people why are yall like this💀

🪁lilith in 3h culture is not being able to shut up. your stories go on and on and people get lowkey so hooked on it🤣

🪁libra mars culture is throwing rose petals around your place for a d appointment.

🪁libra mars culture is also ✨intense moodswings✨ omg cancer mars can't even compare

🪁libra stellium culture is backing down for mutual peace but if you keep their buttons watch them start throwing shits around bruh its always the one you didn't expect💀💀

🪁moon in 6H culture is having the worst sleep schedule on earth and if they push themselves hard enough they cant still be hella high functional.

🪁jupiter in the 1H culture is being blessed with such gorgeous eyes omg y'all look so mesmerizing stop it

🪁saturn in the 7H culture is being so experimental lowkey??? are open to so many options cause their ability to detach is scary. the type to pick their shits up and dip and tell their hookup that you can walk yourself out don't worry💀

🪁venus in 2H culture is having GENEROUS people coming up to you offering to pay all the time like ??duh yall are the ultimate sugar babies

🪁fixed moon culture is being very forgiving. but they know it will never be the same and the room they once let you in will never be opened for you again.

🪁pisces rising culture is looking like they're always gonna cry or high its never in between

🪁taurus rising culture is people telling you randomly you take really nice picture and you're so aesthetically pleasing

🪁capricorn rising culture is smiling on the outside while you're having a breakdown inside like hold it together rachael you got this not in public energy

🪁sagittarius sun culture is everyone liking you. especially if you have water moon people just tell you everything like you can be doing drugs and people would tell you randomly that they think they're bipolar. sag sun bring people out of their shells fr.

🪁leo rising culture is having a serious conversation and you start to get distracted by your own reflection in the nearby mirror.

🪁 air mercury culture is looking like they can yell😀

🪁 libra rising culture is telling your friend something like "bro if i ever try to beat someone up because they flirt with my man make sure i win if it looks like im losing start to pull me back and say smth like no its not worth it okay i cant lose a fight💀💀"

🪁 gemini rising culture is listening to sad music and cry randomly omfg

🪁scorpio venus culture is getting turned on when someone raises their voice at you like...are you guys okay😄

🪁air moon culture is being lowkey hella possessive lol whoever said they don't have feels is painfully wrong

🪁 leo placements culture is complimenting themselves infront of a mirror and stare at your friends until they agree😄

🪁aquarius placements culture is having secret crushes but they think they're so upfront about it

🪁aries mars culture is wondering if you should get diagnosed for ADHD😀 like please seek help y'all im concern

🪁10H lilith culture is lowkey hating the fact that people think you're a player like bro. my bad let me just celibate then

🪁leo venus culture is having a full on RAGE and shut up immediately when your friends tell you to calm down because you're beautiful. we do be shallow✨

🪁mars-jupiter culture is contemplating on their sense of humour every 2 days like right time right place guys you can't make a joke like that in public ok🤠

🪁 libra placements culture is buying rose quartz because its "pretty" and give you "hella vibes"

🪁 mercury 7H is thinking you're really straightforward but you're not. like yes but also no. amazing at connecting tho

🪁 capricorn venus culture is never getting into a relationship with someone who can't give you security and long term plans like you're 36 matthew, pack it up.

🪁 venus dominant culture is always cutting off people because your so called "friends" keep getting jealous of you like ummm💀

🪁 cancer/pisces placements culture is telling people " no i understand how you feel" and genuinely mean it cause yall have the ability to rly put yourself in others shoes 👠

🪁 leo moon culture is falling in love with seemingly cold and detached people. yup they will EARN that attention they need.

🪁 sagittarius mercury and gemini mercury culture is continuing to yell even louder when someone starts to cry in the middle of confrontation like excuse weren't i the victim😀

🪁 8H/1H placements culture is working out 24/7 but telling your friends you have no energy

🪁 fire rising culture is ordering roses for your friend and send a card with "thinking abt you baddie:)" on her birthday party so her crazyass ex can see it and get jealous muahahaha

🪁 libra rising/venus in 1h culture is telling the group chat not to be mean to your man cause they're meeting for the first time but you know thats gonna take a lot of efforts cause after everything they heard, your psychopaths friends are not gonna be chillin💀

🪁 libra rising culture is hating violence and cruelty but thinks that their soulmate is that one stoner who has a severe mommy issues and dealt drug on the side😄

🪁 cancer mars culture is oversharing or staying quiet no in between never catch them slacking

🪁 taurus placements culture is loving people who are passionate and are dared to have dreams. they're so realistic sometimes its hard for them to dream big:(

🪁 fire rising culture worst fear is waking up one day and you no longer have any passion for anything.

🪁 air rising culture is making heads turn every time you enter a room like your style is so on point

🪁 virgo placements culture is being suspicious of everyone and everything but are blind when it comes to scorpio/cancer placement prove me wrong😎

omg this one was soooooo long istg but i promise to make the next one longer🥳 AS USUAL GIMME A OWA OWA IF U GUYS MAKE THIS FAR PLS TELL ME HOW I RESONATE LUVVV<3

ove,

saint jenx🪐

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep5: Female Friends

So I was up hella late because of Daylight Savings screwing my sleep schedule, and I was on Twitch and one of the people I follow was speedrunning a Yugioh game (I think it was called Forbidden Memories like it was some Romance YA novel) and I was like “that’s a thing?” And I watched about 15 minutes of just complete nonsense. Like this game makes no sense when your scrubbing through 30 minutes of gameplay, but when a whole game takes 45 seconds and they have mechanics using like planets and astrology symbols? What?

What?

Y’all, I’m a little concerned your card game ain’t real. Like this is some ploy by knowing adults and this is some sort of Santa Claus situation where everyone else knows that this game ain’t real, but I’m the last person alive who’s like... “it is real though, right?” Hoping that I haven’t been played all of these years, despite having literally no empirical evidence that it is.

Just saying, I’m on to you, Yugioh.

Thanks dub.

I am pretty convinced (could be wrong) but pretty convinced that Grandpa was probably just normal horny in this scene. Like it just kinda matches what I know about horny grandpa tropes (that and Vivian is really talked up to be this hot stuff although she’s just youknow...some girl who exists.)

He immediately falls over. Like immediately, and I don’t know what’s up with Grandpa’s weird slipped disc, but luckily this is the one thing that Mokuba is prepared to deal with as a park manager.

Or what was his job again, Master of Ceremonies? That was the name of Mokuba’s actual chosen job that a 12-13 yo would choose?

Only Mokuba would have the choice to choose “a literal astronaut” and not choose an astronaut. This kid probably hates space though, with his family’s countless war machines now currently flying through the void.

The amount of times that the Kaibas have had to call a doctor for these guys.

(read more under the cut)

Bro was like “So Hawkins paid Grandpa to pretend to fall down so they could ditch Rebecca’s duel, right?” and youknow...probably. It was a pretty boring duel. They got off scott free.

Rex and Weevil do cartoon antics that actually feel like cartoon antics--which feels so weird for this show. Of course, it also has this Vivian plotline that is a little sus for a children’s show?

OK, show. You keep throwing women at Yugi Muto, and I get it’s a joke because he’s the world’s most undateable boy but there is a line of plausibility that even for a kid’s cartoon show it’s like “eh, probably not.”

Anyway, Vivian has Cho Chang energy of “I’m here for a problematic romantic conflict that never needed to happen and hamfisted diversity and uhhhhhh that’s it! I won’t exist after book 5!”

What a step down from dueling on top of the train, right? Like this whole time you could have just dueled next to it? What? In this show?

The rest of the party show up to the train station, where there’s really no other audience watching. Like where are Rebecca’s adoring fans who were asking for her autograph like 3 episodes back?

Card culture is brutal, y’all.

Vivian is not drawn like a 16 yo, being real. I was pretty surprised that she was under 25 according to a cursory Google search. Course, Joey Wheeler is drawn like a built adult, too, so I think the only convincing teenage child on this show is Pharaoh because at least he’s short. Just ignore how sometimes he’s got muscles on his arms that have no right to be there at the age of 16. (17?)

Then we had like a little Season Zero vibes where everyone just picks on Yugi for a hot minute.

And so Tea’s character development comes full circle as she realizes that this whole time, the Female Friend she needed was already here in the form of that small child who has a crush on her kinda boyfriend.

This was such an episode written by a bunch of dudes.

But at least Rebecca and Tea found something in common, although I really wish it wasn’t Yugi, considering how little on screen development he has with either of them. Where’s the reward for me as the viewer? If I cared about either of this love pentagon at all (well, hexagon...Bakura’s still in there.) there will never be a payout. You very well may be waiting forever for a relationship the writers clearly had never any intention to ever write except to act as a foil for our protagonists instead of like...a relationship.

And the show seems a little inconsistent with the relationship between Rebecca and Tea, too. They hang out a lot as the girls on the sideline, and appear to get along a lot of the time--but then they hate eachother a lot of the time as well because of jealousy? It’s just so weird.

I feel like TV shows in general have a really hard time approaching girl friendships, and speaking as a girl, I wish TV and books recognized more that our female friendships don’t have to be so freakin serious. We just act friendly and that’s freakin it.

That and these girls are going to go right back to hating eachother half the time after this is over because the main problem--Yugi not piping up and telling one of them to back the hell off--has never been addressed and never will be because Yugi is a broken, broken wet blanket.

Back at the base, Seto is also making up his own problems to be upset about in the absence of any apocalypses happening on screen.

Unless that hacker is Noah Kaiba, you’re probably fine. I really haven’t had too much of a reason to feel any fear over Zigfried von Schroeder. And maybe it’s because his character design was pretty complicated so no one wanted to draw it.

This was a ‘who’s on first’ joke but still.

...why do cards have to be like this?

Also, I didn’t see anything about this nonsense in the speedrun I watched the other night so, guys, this game ain’t real.

Anyway, Rebecca won.

We find out a little more of what happens to other duelists. Our Cowboy lost to a Sherlock Holmes boy, and I was very happy that I don’t have to come up with jokes about country music because I have none other than like...Taylor Swift jokes? Does she still count as country? I have no idea what’s going on in the country music scene.

On other side of the park, Yugioh decide to pay another tribute to the creative crotch shot with one of these:

Rex and Weevil are off to fight the big bad, and when you think “OK, we’re gonna get a wacky duel battle with these two balancing on top of eachother,” they kinda whiffed it before they made it to the stage.

And then I kind of whiffed it when I realized that Mokuba and Weevil have never spoken in the same place before and they have the same exact font color so fml.

The fact that Mokuba didn’t realize anything was wrong until they fell and revealed they were two small adults in a trench coat says a lot about most of the competitors in this duel.

It is incredible how both the Battle City Tournament and the Kaiba Corp Tourney (s that it’s name?) are both poorly managed, but in a different way. The Battle City Tourney unfortunately had a bunch of murderers in it. This tournament, no one is killing eachother, but they are still kind of sneaking in through the back door and being chronically late to everything.

(and I just want to point out that after the last match Mokuba oversaw that had Joey nearly miss the appointment, Mokuba decided to set this one in front of a Giant Clock just to get his point across)

So Zigfried has some sort of flying horse card that wiped them out right away, which makes you wonder........

.............why use any other cards?

Kaiba makes these cards, right????

Like he should be the last person who’s surprised????

Anyway, Zigfried top-decked a horse, and the guy who spends about 15 minutes getting ready his big ol blue eyes dragons every match he’s ever played was like “Yo I have GOT to get into speedrunning!”

And yes, the speedrun I was watching did not use Blue Eyes White Dragons. They were using a bunch of other stuff that I tried to look up just now and the art is completely different from what I recall so...unfortunately that means that your game is fake. Pretty sure it’s fake and you have no way to prove to me this is real.

Anyway, that’s it for now, not much to say since we’re still at the beginning of the arc. Next week I guess we’ll find out if Seto ever removes his ass from this chair.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[tattooedsiren]

I posted 3,749 times in 2021

51 posts created (1%)

3698 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 72.5 posts.

I added 5,169 tags in 2021

#0 - 321 posts

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#film - 1119 posts

#i ship therefore i am - 612 posts

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Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like i can understand watching something you used to love because it's hard to give it up and you hold out hope that it'll become good again

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

was supposed to go to Sydney on Wednesday for a 6 day holiday to see Hamilton (second attempt after my 2020 trip to America was cancelled). Sydney trip was cancelled when they went into lockdown and the border closed.

so we decided to staycation at home. had a bunch of fun things planned. as of 8pm last night we are now in lockdown until at least Thursday - and if history shows us anything there is a 99% chance of it being extended.

FML

7 notes • Posted 2021-08-05 23:01:18 GMT

#4

hiatus

heading off on a mini break with the fam (luckily we are holidaying in-state since state borders are almost constantly closed ugh) so i’ll catch you next weekend. :)

9 notes • Posted 2021-07-05 01:34:42 GMT

#3

What did you think of Promising Young Woman?

I thought it was really good. It was intense and difficult to watch at times and 100% won’t be for everyone. The main character does some pretty drastic and problematic things but you totally get why she’s doing them. The ending was pretty shocking (to me anyway, both in terms of what happens and how I didn’t see it coming) and I think a lot of people will have problems with it which is completely valid. But I guess for me, it’s not that I liked the ending, but it made sense in a twisted way. (i don’t want to say too much coz spoilers lol.) So yeah, it was one of those intense movies that won’t be for everyone but I was still glad I watched it.

9 notes • Posted 2021-01-11 10:06:59 GMT

#2

hey remember when suits was literally just good mike x harvey vibes. god those were the days. I remember the pizza boy delivery au. oh my god

oh man suits fandom in the early days was amazing. everyone was super friendly. amazing fic was dropping on a regular basis. no drama or ship wars. good times.

10 notes • Posted 2021-04-21 09:10:39 GMT

#1

listen to silence (buck/eddie)

Buck was quiet. Too quiet.

The whole drive out to Texas he’d been talkative, bubbly, practically bouncing in his seat and driving Eddie and Hen to distraction. Even when they were trying to rest up Buck just kept going. Eddie couldn’t be annoyed by it though. That’s just who Buck was. And Eddie loved who Buck was.

The return trip was something entirely different. Buck was dead quiet, just sitting there silently staring out the window. A few times Eddie tried to coax conversation out of him, but Buck never took the openings offered. He didn’t press too hard – it had been a long and rough couple of days. But as they drew closer to home Eddie decided he couldn’t let this go. Something was clearly wrong, and he was going to make sure Buck knew he could talk to him about it.

So when they arrived back at the firehouse Eddie turned to Buck and said, “I’m kinda beat, would you mind dropping me off at home?”

Buck, of course, agreed without hesitation, despite the fact it would considerably add to his journey home. They climbed in his car and enjoyed another silent drive.

When they pulled up to Eddie’s house he didn’t get out of the car, instead he turned his body and full attention towards Buck and simply said, “Talk to me.”

It took a minute or so, but finally Buck did.

“You know, my whole life, I’ve had people take one look at me and think they know who I am. Evan Buckley: the dumb, straight, superficial, careless jock. And if I’m honest, I didn’t fight it. I let them think whatever they wanted. I don’t know why. Maybe because it was what my parents thought I was too so I thought, hey, if that’s what my own parents think maybe it’s actually true. Even though I knew inside that that person wasn’t me.”

Whatever Eddie had been expecting it wasn’t this. He’d never met Buck’s parents, and to be honest, the more he heard the less he wanted to meet them. Mostly because he wasn’t sure he could refrain from telling them what fucking idiots they were.

“But I’ve been noticing, for the last year or two, that when people meet me now they don’t necessarily assume those things. And you know what,” Buck started to smile, finally, the first one he’d seen in a day. “It makes me really fucking happy.”

Eddie grinned at that. How could he not?

Buck chuckled lightly. “TK thought I was hitting on him.”

Eddie’s smile instantly fell from his face.

“I wasn’t, obviously. I mean, he’s an awesome dude, but not at all my type. But it got me to thinking…”

Buck trailed off, and Eddie wondered if it was because he wasn’t yet ready to share his thoughts. And if that was the case, then Eddie wouldn’t push. Nothing pissed him off more than people who assumed they had the right to your inner thoughts whenever they wanted. So he reached out and put a hand on Buck’s forearm, hoping to offer a modicum of support. He noticed Buck’s other hand move slightly, as though he wanted to cover Eddie’s hand with his own but changed his mind at the last second. Before he realized what he was doing Eddie trailed his hand down to Buck’s exposed wrist, needing the skin on skin contact, and he wrapped his fingers around Buck’s wrist and squeezed slightly.

“You can tell me if you want. But if you’re not ready I can get out of this car right now and we can talk about it when you are.”

Buck took in a deep breath. “He was so nonchalant about it, you know. So comfortable with who he was. I might have stalked him online afterwards. There are so many pictures of him and his boyfriend with everyone from the 126. it’s just so not a big deal.”

“Nor should it be.”

“I agree. But there is a part of me I’ve always hidden from people because I was worried how it would affect my job. Which I know sounds stupid because it’s 2020 and we have Hen and there’s no reason my bisexuality should be an issue. But like I said: dumb, straight, superficial, careless jock. So I just hid it.”

“And now you don’t want to?”

Buck nodded. “I mean, there have been comments over the last year or so. And I was thinking about it on the drive, and I realized,” Buck looked at him then, for the first time since this conversation began, “that those comments have mostly been about you. Because when I’m with you, it’s like … it’s like I get to be my real self.”

Eddie swallowed thickly. He didn’t know what this was. Was it a declaration? A statement of fact just told to clear the air? Eddie knew what he wanted it to be, and he thought Buck had been so brave in telling him all this that now it was his turn.

“Did you want to come in? Chris would love to have you over for breakfast.”

A look of confusion swept over Bucks’ face. “But it’s the middle of the night, he won’t be up for hours.”

Eddie looked right at Buck, a small smile tugging at his lips when he said with great significance, “I know.”

Buck’s smile lit up his whole face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

So they got out of the car and walked side by side down the path towards the porch, so close their shoulders were knocking together. Eddie let the back of his hand brush against Buck’s once, twice, and then on the third go Buck reached out and tangled their fingers together as they walked inside.

391 notes • Posted 2021-02-07 01:28:46 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[shreddedparchment]

Shattered Glass Pt.01

Team Building

07/09/2019

Pairing: Tony x Reader, Steve x Reader          Word Count: 5,750

Prompt: “Agh I’ve been hit!” “Calm down Meryl Streep, it’s just a paintball.”

Masterpost          Warnings: Language, suggestive themes, angst, violent imagery, blood, graphic violence

A/N: I fail. This was SUPPOSED to be a one shot. FML. I can’t do it. It’ll be only two parts. Maybe three if there’s enough content? But probably just two. Don’t hold me to that though. This is my very first Tony-centric fic so hopefully it comes out well. Steve wasn’t supposed to have the part that he has in this one but it kinda just worked itself out this way. This is for @moonbeambucky ‘s #5KWritingChallenge ! When I saw this prompt it screamed Tony. Anyway, I hope you like it! If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work. xoxo

You’re wounded!

It hurts!

“Ah! I’ve been hit!” You cry, an earth-shattering shout of agony.

You fall to your knees and clutch at the piercing in the center of your chest. Head thrown back in a silent shriek as you die.

“Calm down, Meryl Streep, it’s just a paintball.” Tony moves up beside you, carefully hidden behind a tall tower of tires. His snark is layered.

The topmost bit is all annoyance and exasperation with your over the top antics. Probably doesn’t like the competition.

The rest has to be amusement. Affection. Fondness. It’s there, though it’s hidden and carefully smothered.

You fall back, laying on the mulch and dirt of the paintball field, relaxed as you breathe in and out. There’s a large splatter of red paint on the front of your vest. You’re shot and the bright light of the setting sun dips between the swaying branches of the tall and aged poplar and spruce.

You give Tony a pout, eyes skillfully pooling. You can fake a good cry if it'll get you what you want.

“It hurts. I’m dead, Tony.” You inhale a deliberate shuddering breath as he moves to kneel beside you, yearning for his sympathy. “Nat killed me.”

He traces the still wet splatter, coating his index finger in the crimson paint as he essentially runs it down between your breasts. What you wouldn’t give for your vest to be gone.

With hazy eyes, the paint might really be blood.

“Maybe you should be paying attention then, instead of flirting with Rogers?” He counters and though usually his voice would be laced with sarcasm, the stern and serious note in it gives you pause.

Everything, every instance of flirtation with Tony has been one-sided. You throw out the bait but he never bites. He never gives away any interest.

Your shallow playfulness subsides as you consider his shift in voice.

You swallow your spit and taste the chemical flavor of paint and gritty earth. It’s acerbic and normally you’d be spitting and gagging but your heart is suddenly racing.

With a lick to your lips you narrow your eyes, taking in the strong set of his sharp bearded jaw, deep brown eyes, full peach lips, “Jealous?”

Your accusation draws his hand away from your chest but you catch it, tracing the length of his finger so slow there can be no question of your intent.

The flex of his arms, tight, lithe biceps straining against the black and gray thermal. The bright shine of his Nano housing keeps it from clinging to his hard chest. He’s ripped though Steve and Sam and everyone else keeps focus away from Tony’s almost obsessive fixation on fitness.

He holds his gun with the barrel pointed up into the air so that he won’t chance accidentally shooting you.

His eyes watch the clean pink painted nail of your middle finger as you continue to stroke his.

Time seems to stop. Not around you.

Around you, everyone is still very much diving and running, swerving and shooting. You hear the peppered cries of those being shot and those doing the shooting.

You can hear Sam swear and Clint laugh. Steve's playful battle cry and Nat's returning shout of surprise. But here in your little bubble with Tony’s hand in your grasp, things flow like molasses.

Fluid and thick, ripe with unsaid desires and forbidden pleasures that until this moment you’d assumed were only yours. You’re too young. You’re the troublemaker. You give him headaches not hardons.

“Why would I be jealous?” He asks, brow twitching as he queries. “You’re not my type.”

That doesn’t hurt. It’s not the first time he’s told you this. His gentle push to keep you at a distance. It hasn’t worked in a long time and it’s not working now. Not with the slip you just saw.

You smile wide, amused by his words. “Too damaged?”

His eyes darken, your past probably flaring into technicolor flashes in his brain, like the violent images of a snuff film and he forcefully takes his finger back.

He clenches his hand, trying to maybe erase the way it felt to have you touch him?

“Too needy.” He corrects then gets to his feet.

Well, damn.

Ouch. That one does hurt.

You push yourself up onto your elbows and watch him sneak away.

“Guess I’ll just have to find someone willing to fill my needs then.” You throw at him, hoping for some type of reaction, not giving two shits about who might hear you.

Your callous behavior pays off. He turns, fixes those chocolate browns on you and you see the shift. It makes your heart race again. There are flutters in your stomach as the fire blazes in his eyes.

It’s a wild chaotic flame that lasts for only a second before it’s calmed and left to smolder behind his shield.

He turns away and keeps going, gun raised.

He only gets to the next cover before he’s shot.

“Eyes up, Tony.” Steve teases and he looks at you then winks.

Tony drops his arms, staring at the splash of patriotic blue on his vest, then sighs. His suit is deemed illegal and he isn’t exactly great without some piece of his tech around, but damn if that brain of his isn’t sexy.

You smile at Steve, chuckling at his sweet flirting. It’s only playful and you know Steve doesn’t want you but it’s nice to be noticed as a woman instead of the kid.

"That’s the game.” Nat calls, and those left standing move towards the picnic tables where food has been laid out.

Wanda and Vision, first out as they really weren’t as competitive as the other idiots on the team, move about laying out plates and drinks.

Tony marches past where you’re still laying on the ground and doesn’t spare you a glance.

Steve’s boots draw your eyes up and you smile, squinting against the bright orange of the setting sun behind him. If flits through the trees again, gilding his already golden hair.

He offers you his hand and you take it.

“Guess we won.” He says, and you hop as you find your feet.

“Guess we did.” You agree and begin to lead the way back to the rest of the group.

“I was the last man standing.” He tells you, voice not proud, but rather curious.

“Yeah.” You nod, looking back at him with a small knowing smirk. “I know."

You stop a few feet from the group as you turn back towards them and spot Tony’s brightening expression.

It’s that look. The look he only give that one person. The most important person. The one person that he can’t live without. That person that you can never measure up to.

Her perfection. Her politeness. Her sweetness. A sweetness that you will never posses because like you told him, you’re too damaged. Too needy, like he said.

You follow his gaze, already knowing what you’ll find.

A happy Pepper wearing a cute set of work out sweats in teal and blue. She stops and holds out her hands, a look of amused disappointment on her pretty face as she lets them drop to slap against her thighs.

“Did I miss it?” She asks, her easy voice full of love for him. For Tony.

“You missed it. You’re late.” He tells her, adoration pouring from his chocolate browns.

All you ever get is his disenchantment. Disappointment that you aren’t better. That you aren’t more. Not her.

Always to be scolded and corrected.

With a drop of your heart, you stare as Tony marches right up to her and pulls her in for a kiss.

It hurts more than you’ll ever admit. Jealousy is not a good color on you. It makes you reckless and lash out.

“Don’t I get a reward?” Steve asks, again, curious, pulling your attention back to him.

He’s testing the boundaries between the two of you and if he’d done it any other time than right now when Tony’s moving towards you with his arm wrapped around Pepper’s waist, you might not have taken Steve’s bait.

You force your eyes away from the couple and look up into Steve’s storm blue twinkle.

“A hero deserves a prize.” You tell him, then wrap your arms up underneath his to stroke the muscular planes of his vested back.

You push yourself up, getting as close as your paintball gear will let you and kiss him.

It isn’t a chaste kiss either. You tilt your head to the right and suck on his lower lip until he opens up for you and you give his mouth a taste.

Spearmint and the slightest chocolate sugar of his mocha. It’s delicious but all wrong.

When you pull back, his lips remained puckered in shock.

“Thanks for winning the game for us, Cap.” You boop his nose then move to settle into a seat at the edge of the nearest picnic table and lean forward onto your elbows as you spare Tony a glance.

Beside him, Pepper is happily in shock at your display. As is almost everyone else on the team.

“When did that happen?” Pepper asks quietly in Tony’s ear and he gives his head a minute shake.

Your eyes meet his and for one long moment, you silently dare him to say something. As much as he may try to hide it, you can see the flame in his eyes, the jealous edge that cuts at your poor hopeful heart.

More than the snark, the cold fire in his eyes, and the forced calm of his form tells you all you need to know about how Tony really feels about you.

Steve comes to sit by you, leaning in to whisper happy praise for your chosen reward in your ear, and you tear your eyes away from Tony to give Steve your undivided attention.

It doesn’t stop. It never stops. The wanting and the yearning. The need to fill that hole that can never really be filled.

That incessant need to be cared for. To be given affection. That desire to feel desired and wanted.

It’s always there and it’s always been easily met with an invitation to get a cup of coffee with Wanda or Nat. Thor inviting you out for a walk. Sam reaching out for a sparring partner, or Clint needing a live target for practice.

A small gesture of inclusion and your deepest of stirrings is quelled.

You don’t like to think about why you feel this way. You dream about it enough.

Sometimes it’s a small flicker of an image here or the fading memory of something there but lately, it’s coming back vivid and violent.

It always starts out the same.

You’re small. Tiny compared to the two large bodies beside you. One to your left. One to your right.

You lean towards the one on your right at first, clinging to that person’s arm, stroking the soft satin of a fancy dress. It feels nice. It reminds you of that cat from the summer house before it went missing.

You miss that cat and its smooth fluffy fur.

Vermillion. The dress is like a blood-orange, bright and eye-catching but she smells like Chanel. The musk is thick but good, it invades your senses.

You shift on your bed, tossing onto your right.

Images of a beautiful face fill your mind like sudden bursts of color. Twinkling eyes. Full curving lips. Soft skin. An elegant neck. Austere pearls.

She caresses the side of your head then you giggle and lean onto the body on your left.

This one is large. Thick. Heavy. Fat? No. Sturdy. Stocky. Tall and built like a rhino with a rounded belly but he’s not fat.

He chuckles and wraps you up in his large, black tuxedo clad arm. You fist the side of his jacket, stroking this material too but the red satin is far softer. This musky scent is better though.

He smells like wood, with the bitter tang of pepper creosote from his cigar. You don’t mind. It smells like home. He smells safe. He smells like you’re shielded, and nothing can ever harm you.

You toss onto your back, groaning as you frown. Daddy. Your mind thinks.

The ambient whoosh draws you closer and closer to sleep.

You pass out, clinging to him, a tiny smile on your lips.

Life is perfect. The soft babble of their words helps lull you. Her tinkling laugh sounds far away but it’s beautiful and you wish you could laugh like she does.

It makes him chuckle and you can feel the love between them.

They fade away and you’re in darkness. You’re standing alone with nothing and no one around you.

Only, it’s not you. The girl is older. Much older. Like Mommy. Who is she? She looks like mommy too but not exactly. She looks like a cheap imitation. Not as beautiful. Not as sweet.

“Daddy?” You open your mouth to speak and the girl in the darkness opens her mouth to speak too.

You freeze as your young mind catches up with your dream. You’re the cheap imitation.

She takes a step forward, that mock-mommy. She splits into two. The other one turns to look at you and you’re staring at yourself, confused.

“Who-?” You begin to ask but the other one opens her mouth to ask too. “Who are-?”

She cuts you off again. You sigh.

The other you smiles, too wide. It’s scary. Your little child heart thrums wildly as fear and panic bubble up in your tiny guts.

You shift uncomfortably, fighting the terror that begins to spread through you.

She presses her hand to her chest, laying it flat against her breasts before she begins to cup it until only her fingertips are touching your shirt.

You stare at her movements, unsure of what you’re looking at.

It takes every bit of courage not to run.

She pulls her hand away from her chest and then lays it flat out in front of you.

You look down and at the very center of her palm is a small silver gleam, the brightest bit of teal at the very edges. It shimmers and shakes chaotically while the silver sits still, stretching and constricting back into place.

For a moment all you can do is stare at the silver and teal. This light is scary.

You groan, kicking your legs as your hands fist your sheets.

When you look back up at her, her eyes are gone. They are black pools of threat and your little heart panics.

The silver and teal light releases a pulse and you’re blind.

You hear panicked cries. Mommy…she’s scared.

“No.” You whimper.

Daddy’s arm is gone from you and you open your eyes to see that same silver pulsing around you.

“What’s happening?” Mommy asks, “What is that? What’s she doing?”

It takes you a moment to realize she’s talking about you.

Daddy is forcing the steering wheel to the left and the right. The sounds of the tires squealing against the asphalt of the road is loud and nearly drowns out their screams. Almost.

“Hold on!” Daddy shouts, but the light flashes once more and the car is suddenly up in the air.

You can see Mommy and Daddy floating around you. They’re not moving and you’re safe beside them.

It’s all over in one violent tumble.

The car lands with a loud metallic clatter. It rolls and rolls, tossing them around with abandon. You hear their bones crack and break. Femur, humerus, ribs, neck; one sickening crunch after the other.

Crimson paints the air, it paints the car and the pavement beneath.

As the shatter of glass dies and your body falls painfully onto the street between them, you look around, searching for that safety from before. Searching for Daddy. For Mommy.

“Mom…” You cry.

Your eyes meet hers. Dead eyes. Unmoving eyes. She’s gone.

Your own small body feels twisted and battered but not broken. Not like them.

There is no crimson on you that is yours and something in you tells you that it’s you. You did this.

Even as a baby, a little one, you know that you did this. You killed your parents.

“Mom!” You gasp, sitting up with spasms of fear shaking your hands.

They tremble, clutching the thin sheet you’re covering yourself with in tight fists. It all feels so…present.

“Y/N? Your heartrate is elevated. You seem to be having an episode. Shall I alert the infirmary?” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s accented voice fills your room with a soft worried whisper.

It always astonishes you, how concerned she seems. Like she’s really genuinely worried about you. Like she can really feel it. Like she’s not just a bunch of ones and zeroes programmed to have just the exact right responses.

“No.” You tell her, and she turns up your lights for you, dimming them up slightly as you throw your blanket off and place your feet on the soft black carpet of your bedroom.

You’re still reeling, trying to come to grips with the here and now and not the lifeless bodies of your parents floating around your head. Instead of your parents, in your room there are several small objects floating above their designated spots.

Your glass jewelry box on your nightstand. Your laptop. Several books on your desk. The picture of you and the team on your nightstand. Your shoes by the end of your bed.

“Are you sure?” F.R.I.D.A.Y. persists. “You seem to be having a fit.”

You scoff. Only one person would call what’s happening that.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

Shutting your eyes, you sigh, heartbeat finally leveling out.

“Would you like me to tell Tony-?”

“No!” You nearly scream, rising to your feet and looking for a face though you know there’s none to look at. “No. I’m fine. I just…give me a minute.”

Your stuff falls, crashing back into place. You hear the glass of your jewelry box shatter. You’ll have to buy a new one.

You stumble to the bathroom and switch the light on. Your bare feet slap gently as you cross the cold beige and gold marble tile to the sink with a quiet plap, plap, plap.

The counter becomes your center. You cling to the white concrete desperately as you stare at your reflection in the large backlit mirror.

You’re pale and sweaty. Clammy. Cold trickles of perspiration along your temples and above your lip. With trembling hands, you wipe it away.

This hasn’t happened for so long that it’s caught you off guard. Normally, there’s a build-up. The memories start slowly during waking hours. Small images of lovely people, loving and caring. Over time it all leads up to that night.

The night you killed them.

You shut your eyes tight, wishing the images away. All you can see are your mom’s eyes. Once brilliant with life not dead and staring. Daddy’s body twisted in strange and impossible angles.

You dip down into your sink and down as much water as your belly will let you drink.

It doesn’t help. Maybe a real drink? You have one so rarely. Drunk you is not good with your abilities.

Mistakes have been made. Bail has been paid. It’s how you ended up here. On the team.

Tony should have left me where I was.

The bitter thought falls away as you wander down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Thankfully, it’s empty.

You go straight for the whiskey. You pour yourself too much. You drink it. Then pour another glass before moving to sit at the island.

The brown slosh hurts your throat as it goes down. It burns, but it burns so good. Because you don’t drink very often, just one glass makes you lightheaded. The second pushes you towards unconsciousness.

Not fast enough. You start with it held between your carefully folded left arm, right hand clutching the small old-fashioned crystal glass tight as if you’re afraid it might get snatched away. As you drink, you drift forward until your heated cheek is pressed against the cool counter.

You kick your legs, swinging them casually as you stare across the kitchen at the fine, black modern cabinet. Not really seeing it but playing the moment you killed your parents over and over and over.

You see other moments too. The moment your godparents saw you use your abilities. They watched you with terror in their eyes. The next thing you knew you were in a home for girls.

You see the nice couple who took you next. Then the girl’s home again when they too became terrified of you. Then the next. A faceless couple that you were with for only two days. Then the next two were also faceless.

You lived your adolescent life out in the home.

You see yourself on your eighteenth birthday. You’re excited, dancing with the prospect of becoming a “real” woman. Or so you’d thought at the time.

You come home, smiling at the promise of the cheap birthday cake that you know you’ll get. You see your smile waver as you approach the fence of the home and two boxes full of your things are piled on the sidewalk.

Two homeless women are rifling through the clothes. Fighting over your favorite pair of jeans.

You scamper towards them, hold out your hand and you don’t mean to slip up. You don’t.

Stunning silver-teal burns them. They fly back several feet and crash against the sidewalk painfully as you hold your hand out towards them, palm open.

You shut it quickly and turn away from them as they stare at you with hate and fear. You hurry and shove your clothes back into the box they’d been looking through and shut it.

With both boxes carefully piled into your arms, you look up at the doorway to the home. Your home…Mrs. Meyerson watches you through a split in the blinds of the front window and when she sees you spot her; she shuts them and ignores you.

“Y/N?” His voice is like the hymn of angels.

It’s hot. It burns like your whiskey and tastes just as rich.

“Tony.” You whisper, a sad whimper.

You don’t lift your head because you’re crying. You don’t want him to see.

“Hey.” His voice is so soft. So gentle. F.R.I.D.A.Y. must have told him something was wrong.

He moves around you and comes into view, leaning forward a bit so that he can be more on your level as he looks at your face, still pressed against the cool counter.

“Hi.” You cry.

“Busted out the big guns, huh?” He reaches out and takes your drink from you.

You don’t fight him. The only one who you wouldn’t.

“They didn’t want me.” You sigh, sniffling as you struggle to keep from sobbing. That hole, the one that never fills right at the center of your chest aches. “None of them wanted me. They…they were afraid of me.”

Tony puts the whiskey aside and leans his elbows against the counter, getting close so that he can speak quietly. Just to you.

“Having a little pity party?” He asks, a small smile offered. “You’re drunk.”

“Yes.” You agree, reaching up to wipe at your dripping nose.

“That’s sexy.” He rattles, moving closer to stand beside you.

He’s close. You can feel the heat from his body. Dark gray t-shirt. Black sleep pants. He smells so good. Like aftershave and coconut shampoo. Despite his close proximity, he folds his arms onto the counter, shoving his hands underneath his arms as if he’s determined to keep his hands to himself.

You lean towards him but don’t touch him. He doesn’t want your touch. You know that. It makes you sob once.

“Tony?” You sigh, staring down at your hands in your lap, lower lip quivering helplessly as you’re that little girl again. Wrapped in her daddy’s safe arms. Loved by her mom. Peacefully sleeping when that nightmare awakens something within you and then the car is sent flying.

“Yeah?” He knows what he’s doing. He’s being so careful with you.

His tone is softer than it’s been in a long time. You know that it’s your fault. You’re always so forward. Throwing yourself at him. Making suggestive comments and just being a downright dumbass. You should stop it.

You look at him, blubbering still and the way that his soft brown hair sticks up at odd angles because he’s just freshly showered and was actually probably still bathing when F.R.I.D.A.Y. told him you were having a fit.

You want him. Damn it all.

With a lick to your lips, you shake your head. “I killed them, Tony.”

You sob, hating yourself. Hating your gifts. Hating your life.

“I killed them. I did. I did that. I killed them.” You repeat, as if saying it any other way will possibly make it stick any harder than it’s already sticking.

It startles you into silence when Tony pulls his left arm out and then slides his hand back behind your neck, up into your hair to hold the back of your head. He caresses you, comforting you. Loving you?

That isn’t platonic in his eyes. There’s that fire from the day on the paintball field in his eyes again. When you told him you’d go find someone else to fill your needs. When you kissed Steve.

It’s there. You can see it. Up close. He wants you. Like you want him. Why won’t he—oh, right, Pepper.

With his hand on you though, you can’t focus on her enough to care.

You lean in more towards him, burrowing into the crook of his arm. For one whole second he holds you tight. He wraps you up and pulls your head against his chest and you’re right where you want to be.

Then there’s the sound of feet from the hallway and he’s leaning against the far counter while you catch yourself on the edge of the island.

You stare up at him, still crying and now confused.

“Tony?” You ask, searching his face but he’s got his back to you now as he dumps out your whiskey.

“No more alcohol. We don’t need you lifting cars onto the roof again.” He throws at you, back tense through his t-shirt.

“Tony?” You check again, wanting to see his eyes, to have him look at you with that fire again.

Had you imagined it? Is it all in your head?

“Look, kid, just take a shower and get to bed, alright? Stop thinking about this stuff.” He orders.

Does he think you started to think about your parents on a whim? You’d dreamt about them! Bastard.

“Tony?” Another voice, deep, smooth, almost monotone in its calm nature.

You can hear the inflection of emotion because you’re so used to his voice. Steve.

“What’s going on?” He asks, looking from Tony to you.

“I…I had-” You begin but Tony cuts you off.

“A few too many. I was just sending her to bed before she puts my cars on the roof again.” He finally turns around and his face is back in its detached control.

When he looks at you, there is no fire anymore. Just stern disapproval.

Jerk.

Your shoulders slump and you make a point of sitting quiet as Steve continues to stare at you.

Clearly, you’re still upset about something. You’re still crying. Your cheeks are stained in tear tracks. You worry your lip as you wait for Tony to leave. You don’t want to be around him when he’s like this with you.

Not right now. Not when you already have all of those other people in your memory pushing you away.

“What’s the matter with Y/N? Why is she crying?” Steve wonders, genuine concern in his voice.

Tony’s had been just as worried if not more so a second ago.

“I don’t know.” Tony lies. “I’m going to bed. Pepper’s waiting.”

He says this for you, and you know that he’s drawing that line again. The line that he crossed. Continues to cross. You hate him.

You look at him.

You love him.

“Night.” Steve tells him but when Tony speaks, it’s for you.

“Go to bed. Stop drinking.” He says but you don’t respond.

He leaves and Steve settles into the seat beside you.

“You smell like the bottom of a bottle.” He observes. “How much did you have?”

You shrug.

“Not talking to me now?”

You shrug again.

“Y/N?” It’s his tone that pulls your gaze up to meet his own storm blue eyes.

His blonde hair looks soft and brushed out. His beard is full but neatly trimmed. He looks good for Steve.

Okay…he looks good for anyone. He’s a hunk. But he’s not your hunk.

“What’s going on?” He asks, reaching out to place his hand on the back of your shoulder.

“I had a nightmare.” You admit, licking your lips once more. “About my parents.”

Steve already knows what happened with your parents. He doesn’t need an explanation.

Tony had consulted him before you were allowed on the team after all.

He nods, understanding you in an instant. For a long moment he thinks.

You can see the idea forming in his head and only after you’re stuck staring at him with unbridled curiosity does he turn to sit facing you. One hand on the back of your chair, the other placed on the counter in front of you.

“I like you.” He says, just like that.

You’re drunk. Hearing him say that, throws you.

“What?” You ask, narrowing your eyes at him confused. You must be hearing things.

“You heard me.” He says, stern, hard. No games.

“Steve…” You start, blinking hard to clear the buzz from your head.

“I know…” He sighs, scooting in closer as he grabs hold of your seat and turns you to face him. “I know where your head is. And your heart.”

Your cheeks flare. They flame and burn, and your neck burns too. You haven’t exactly tried to hide how you feel about Tony but to be called out on it?

“I can’t speak as to where his head is at, but I know that he’s not going to look your way with Pepper there.”

You hate Steve too. You look down at his chest, hating the knowing glint in his eyes.

His thumb and forefinger close around the tip of your chin and tilt your head back until you can look into his eyes again.

“What I can tell you is that I’m interested. I wasn’t playing when I said and did all those things. I don’t know if maybe you thought I was just flirting, but I wasn’t. I like you.” He confesses.

You’re so startled that your heart pounds. You shake your head, but he doesn’t release you. If anything, he leans in closer.

“I can’t give you what you want.” You tell him, knowing that all deep affection is diverted to the jerk that just left the room.

“I know.” He acknowledges. “What can you give me?”

Is he seriously asking?

“I-”

“It doesn’t have to be detailed, Y/N. I just…I’m not exactly in a place to make commitments either. This job we have, it’s tough. I’ve left love behind for it before and odds are, I’ll have to do it again. I’m not going into this with any illusions. I just want to pass the time with you.

“You’re funny and you never do what I expect you to do. You’re easy to talk to and you’re sexy as hell.” He smiles and you’re suddenly very aware of your stupid blubbering face and how much of a mess it actually is.

“Yeah, right.” You gasp, yanking your chin out of his grip.

“You are.” He insists. “You’re not like other people and I like that. So, what can you give me?”

You think. You think hard and as fast as you can.

He’s right. Tony is never going to give in. He’s never going to look at you the way you see him. You’re tired of feeling alone and unwanted. Steve is offering you a little bit of companionship. It’s not love but it’s not being alone.

Maybe you should know better but it’s too tempting. And it’s been a while. Your libido is going to go dormant if you don’t get under someone soon.

That’s what you decide you can give him.

“I can’t love you.” You tell him.

“That’s…that’s okay.” He says.

“I think I can like you.” You sigh. “Kissing you wasn’t bad.”

“Oh,” He chuckles. “That’s good to know. Thanks.”

You smile, eased by his amusement. He’s right. He’s easy to talk to as well.

With trembling hands, you reach up to trace the outline of his chest through his t-shirt. He’s so hard. Super Soldier perfection. It doesn’t mean as much like Tony’s physique does because Steve gets this on default, but you’d be lying if you said it isn’t nice.

He puts his hand over yours and holds it against his chest.

“Is this a yes? You’ll be with me?” He asks, hopeful.

After a second, you nod. He leans in towards you, excitement in his eyes.

“We’re not a couple.” Your clarification stops him in his tracks. “But we’re also not, not a couple. I want you. I do. It’s been such a long time and I…are you a virgin?”

You suddenly ask him this, wondering because of his past with Peggy. You’re not sure he would have had the time to be with her back then.

Steve laughs genuinely amused by your question before he hops off of his stool. He grabs you, one arm underneath your legs, the other your back as he lifts you up into his arms and begins to walk with you towards his bedroom.

“Guess that rumor’s still floating around. Nat?” He asks.

You nod, reaching up to hold him around his neck.

“Don’t worry, doll-face. We’ll get that rumor cleared up.”

“Right now?” You ask, slightly startled at the prospect of sleeping with Steve so quickly.

“Unless you wanna wait?” He asks, stopping just outside your doorway.

You bite your lips, considering for a moment the prospect of sleeping in that bed again, your dreams fresh and vivid.

“No.” You protest. “Kiss me, Steve.”

He dips his head and continues on, kissing the whiskey away.

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[klanced]

soooooo i was late on asking for the second movie but i call dibs for whenever ur organized enough to infodump it: What Happens In The /Third/ Movie Katie Klanced?

I meant to post this last year but then I got suspended and forgot smh -_-

Anyway it’s been almost a year, so here are a few links to refresh your memory on the masterpiece that is my Despicable Me au. In fact, here’s the tag because I love this au.

In my correct opinion, the third DM movie is definitely the weakest in the franchise, and I pretty much ignored its canon plot and wrote my own. So sorry if there’s a few loose-ends/plot-holes. But this is a Despicable Me au, I am beholden to no gods, no rules.

Roughly a year has passed since the events of the second movie. Coran and Alfor have finally gotten together (they’re either dating or married, I haven’t decided yet). Allura is away at college because I have way too many characters on my hands and I have to sideline out of necessity. Sorry, Allura.

The movie opens up with the entire family getting ready for an award ceremony at the AVL happening that night. It’s about as hectic a scene as you can imagine. Lance is running around without a shirt on. Pidge is wearing three shirts. One is her pajama top, the second is Lance’s aforementioned missing shirt. No one has any idea where the third shirt came from.

When suddenly, the phone rings!

Krolia picks it up, paying only 1/3 attention to the person on the line before she yells that it’s for Coran. Coran limps over, half a chewed shoe in his hand, the other half still on his foot. His right eyebrow is smoking. He is, understandably, a little terse when he shouts to be heard over the background din into the phone.

The screen diagonally bisects, to show Coran on the phone and… Shiro on the other side of the line!

Shiro introduces himself as the new CPS worker assigned to Lance/Hunk/Pidge’s case. Coran immediately has a heart attack and runs to his soundproofed study, slamming the door behind him as Shiro continues to just. Awkwardly talk on the phone lol.

Coran, internally: oh shit oh shit oh FUCK oh shit why now why nowwww oh lord is he calling to take away the kids? is he going to take away my BABIES??

Shiro: sorry for the late phone call sir, i meant to call earlier but i dropped my phone in a puddle and- i mean! the life of a cps worker is just packed hahahahahahahahahaah (WHY are you still laughing you IDIOT) ha-ahem! anyway. i’m the new cps worker, have i mentioned that yet? because i am. it’s just that, after we realized that the kids’ last foster home and agent let a supervillain just walk out with them - uh, no offense, sir! i just meant that, well, supervillains are generally understood to be bad- not to imply that you’re evil of course! Haha of Course Not, even though you were Literally voted the world’s most evil and accomplished supervillain several years in a row, but! That’s neither here nor there. Of course. :)

DM!Verse Shiro is a bit of a nervous doof but he also has a spine of steel when it comes to kids and making sure their living situations are safe. And he is very skeptical of Coran and his parenting skills, which is honestly pretty reasonable considering he’s an outsider looking in. 

I mean, someone who was arguably the world’s greatest villain suddenly deciding to move to suburbia with his three (stolen) adopted kids does… seem like a bit of a stretch. And pretty sus lmfao.

Coran and Shiro eventually stutter their way into a productive conversation and arrange for Shiro to conduct a home visit/other CPS survey stuff very soon. Coran politely bids Shiro farewell, hangs up the phone, and has a panic attack because suddenly it feels like all his worse fears are coming true. Because the other shoe has finally dropped.

Life has been so kind to Coran lately, between his loving marriage and his lovable kids. It’s sad to say, but he’d half-expected something like this to happen for a while. Because people like him don’t deserve this kind of uninterrupted happiness.

Alfor quietly knocks on the door and takes in the scene before him. Coran reaches out, and he immediately rolls to his husband’s side.

Coran collapses against him and catches him up to speed. There’s a pause as Alfor pauses, absorbs, and digest the information, before he starts making calming shushing noises.

Insert Supportive Spouse Speech. Alfor reminds Coran that, for all he’s done in the past, he has damn well earned his present life. Alfor can attest to that, as can Krolia and, most importantly, their children. 

It also doesn’t hurt that the internationally recognized Anti-Villain League is both a sponsor of and willing to provide a character reference for Coran. That counts for something, and Coran finally calms down.

This is what we in the writing business like to call “foreshadowing” :)

Scene cut to the AVL award ceremony. Krolia and Coran are both being recognized for their incredible heroics from the past year, etc etc, blah blah blah. Their speeches are very true to their character.

At the end of it, Kolivan goes up and stage and announces he’s retiring. Krolia, who knew this was happening in advance and fully expects to be named as his replacement, starts checking her lipstick in her hand mirror- only for Kolivan to introduce a ‘Commander Hira’ to the crowds.

FML, this is exactly the plot to the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

The entire Wimbleton Smythe-Altea Family freeze, mid-applause. Hunk awkwardly puts away his ‘CONGRATULATIONS KROLIA!!!!!!!!’ banner. Krolia shatters her hand mirror in her fist.

Within her first month, Hira makes some dramatic changes to the AVL. One of which is the agency’s complete separation from anything having to do with villains, including its rehabilitation program.

“Once a villain always a villain” essentially. Hira insists that villains are simply too evil to ever truly become good again, and that so-called “former” criminals are simply biding their time until they can enact their revenge.

As a result, Coran is fired. Alfor protests Hira’s decision, and resigns out of solidarity. Krolia calls Hira a bitch and is also fired.

The kids are ecstatic that their dads + aunt are home 24/7 now. Krolia is less pleased. She’s been an active agent for more than half her life, so this sudden and forced turn for domesticity has her clawing at the walls.

One of the sub-plots is Alfor trying to convince Coran to become a superhero, “just like the old times.” (Coran: Love, I was literally your supervillain arch-nemesis).

Coran is hesitant, because 1) He still has low self-value and doesn’t see himself as a hero, and 2) He’s perfectly content to mooch off his billionaire boyfriend and spend his time as a stay-at-home dad.

To take their mind off their sudden unemployedness, Coran and Alfor throw themselves into preparing for Shiro’s house visit. This mainly entails Alfor calming Coran down from an anxiety attack every other hour. 

There is a lot of tension in the house.

And then, like magic! An invitation to the biggest supervillain symposium of the year appears, because villain mailing lists are especially evil and refuse to take Coran off their register even though he literally arrests villains for a living.

“So you’re telling me,” Krolia says, and Coran instinctively inches for the door. “That you’ve had an opening into the world’s biggest villain convention, this entire time, and you didn’t tell anyone?”

“W-e-ll,” Coran stutters, slapping blindly behind him for the doorknob, “It just didn’t seem very fair, you know? To ambush them like that, all because of their lazy office workers. That’s not very good sport.”

Krolia and Alfor try to convince Coran that he should go. Krolia is convinced this is the in they need to reclaim their jobs; they’ll infiltrate the Supervillain Symposium, arrest all the biggest bads, call the AVL, rub it in Hira’s face, take a selfie while she’s sobbing in the background, celebrate as the masses drag Hira to the guillotine-

Coran: Krolia I love you, I really do. But you have issues.

Krolia: I happen to be perfectly adjusted for someone in my situation.

Coran is still hmming and hawwing because, now that he doesn’t have to fight villains for a living, he quite likes Not Being In Constant Danger. But then Krolia reminds him that he is both unemployed AND now blacklisted by the AVL, two things which might very well doom him in the eyes of Shiro (and the rest of CPS). He needs to do this if he wants his job back and, therefore, keep his kids.

(…. At some point, Coran shaves off his mustache in a stress-filled attempt at appearing as a better guardian, but no one recognizes him so he has to wear a fake mustache for the rest of the movie)

Coran of course is immediately super gung-ho for this plan and declares they’re leaving ASAP.

The kids of course are raring to go, the adults are vehemently hell no to that idea, and in the ensuing argument everyone forgets that Shiro is coming today. 

A series of events thus follows, which can be summarized as:

The adults say that the kids can’t come.

The kids decide that yes, in fact, kids can come and plan accordingly.

The kids are preparing to tail after the adults (after waiting a reasonable amount of time of course (this isn’t their first rodeo) in their own modified plane when they hear what sounds like their babysitter, the Reformed Lotor, coming around the corner.

The kids immediately go into attack mode only to realize, after the dust has settled, that they’ve actually knocked out Shiro.

In their infinite pre-teen wisdom, the kids decide to stick with the plan and load Shiro into their equivalent trunk and take off.

A few moments later, Lotor finally arrives, looks up from his phone, realizes there are no kids to be watched, and shrugs and goes home.

The scene cuts to Shiro groggily stumbling out of the corner the kids have stashed the plane in, only to realize, to his absolute horror, that he’s on an island filled with Supervillains attending a Supervillain Convention.

Hunk: Man… I feel like we forgot something.

*Shiro screaming in the distance*

For brevity’s sake I’ll cut off here, but just know that this is only the FIRST THIRD (IF EVEN THAT) of the movie. I am absolutely off the CHAINS. I still haven’t even introduced Keith yet. I love this au.

[harryfeatgaga]

I’m am genuinely really sorry you got waitlisted, I’m sending a lot of positive vibes that you get to be a part of the presale tomorrow or get tickets on Friday! Hell half the presale people will probs have to get tickets in the general sale anyway lol

thank you angel 💖

Anonymous said: OH no Paige! I'm so sorry! i'm so confused by this whole process i wasn't apart of it last time and i'm so confused by why everyone i follow on here is being wait listed. It makes no sense at all and i didn't even know that was a thing. sending you positive vibes and hoping your moms account gets one!

yeah me either I think its a new thing cause this didnt happen last time :(

Anonymous said: I got waitlisted too 😞 Harry is the only artist that I’m willing to spend money for and it sucks that Ticketmaster does this. I get that it’s to keep bots and stuff from buying tickets, but it still doesn’t seem fair

I know same lmao im so sad rn

Anonymous said: I also got waitlisted 😔 I’m hoping I can get tickets during general sales or that someone will eventually sell theirs at a reasonable price. I’ve never seen solo Harry and I’ve been trying since he started touring 🤧

I hope you get to see him!

Anonymous said: Paige I’m sad too because I got waitlisted 😞😭 I had already planned on going by myself because none of my friends want to go and now idk if I’ll even be able to get good tickets

we gotta stay positive!!!!!! im sorry you got waitlisted too :(

Anonymous said: Also to spread good luck, my dad got a code for the presale!! -m

my moms account got wait listed too...........fml

Anonymous said: really wish i was friends with harry styles so i didn’t have to stress about getting tickets to see said harry styles

mood

Anonymous said: I didn’t get any new email about a code at all what does that mean 🥺 I might just buy a ticket with an American Express card . I just got an email Friday about my registration for fan presale is complete but nothing yesterday or today

yeah I might try the amex thing......I need to check the balance on my card tho okjnfbhuvjikl

Anonymous said: i got waitlisted too this stinks 😖

yes it does

Anonymous said: I feel like a total assole asking this beaut does anyone know when they text you the code? I’ve never done this before so idk what I’m doing, I feel bad sending this 😔

last time it was like two hours before the pre sale started

Anonymous said: I’m sending you every positive vibe I hope you get the code in your moms account 🙏🏼🤞🏼

unfortunately no luck but ty :(

Anonymous said: Fingers crossed that you get off the waitlist soon! Are you planing to go to the Boston show?

yeah I am and my moms account was for nyc but alas lmao :( ty tho I hope so too

Anonymous said: i got an email from ticketmaster saying i’m on the waitlist 🥺 no code for me 🥺

emo hours are upon us

Anonymous said: ill jump into traffic with you, i got waitlisted too👋- septum anon

lets go girls!

Anonymous said: i got waitlisted too... and i live in new york (about an hour away from the city) and i know how so many out of state harries want to go to his new york shows and seeing the ones i follow on twit post about getting codes literally infuriates me lollll

it sucks lmao and meanwhile some people got multiple codes like....lmao okay

[icedteaandoldlace]

Y'ALL. Wild work story time!

So early in the evening, I get a call from this woman who has already ordered, but wants to add something to her order. Her original order was 18 wings and two salads, and her total was under $2.00 because she had store credit. So she adds 6 more wings and another salad and that's it, and she double checked with me to make sure it was all on the same ticket, because her husband was gonna be picking it up, and she didn't want him thinking he got everything and leaving something behind, which is a thing that happens sometimes. So anyways, it's a very run-of-the-mill conversation, I update the order, we hang up, and I go about my business. Very shortly afterwards, her husband comes in to pick up the order. I give him his total, which is now $13-something, and he makes this face, and it's not the confused kind of face people normally make when someone adds something to their order without notifying them of the change, but more like he ate something sour or smells something bad, and he says, "No..." and just kinda leaves it at that for a second (waiting for me to magically go "Whoops! Wrong number!" I suppose), but when I do my standard reply instead (confirming the name and the contents of the order), this guy, instead of being like, "Yeah, that's the right order" and letting me explain what happened, he just says, "My total was two dollars."

Which is confirmation enough for me that it's the right order, so I try again: "The wings and the salads, for Rose? Your wife called just a minute ago and added more to the order." And right in the middle of my sentence, he asks to speak to a manager. And since I'm not 100% certain I heard him correctly (because I WAS TALKING when he said it), I'm like, "What? Did you say you want to see a manager?" No reply. Awkward pause. I ask again. Same thing. And this is not the first time he's started to talk while I was talking, either, nor was it the last. This conversation has a lot of awkward starts and stops, like the verbal equivalent of riding with someone learning how to drive a stick shift, and every single time I ask him to either repeat what he said or just confirm that I heard him right, it's like talking to a brick wall. And at no point at all does he act like he's having trouble hearing me, or like he doesn't understand what's going on, but he doesn't acknowledge a single thing I say, so while I am getting very flustered because I'm having trouble discerning what he wants or what I need to explain, and because nothing I say is having any kind of effect on him whatsoever, he is just weirdly interacting with me yet also acting as if I don't exist at the same time. He did ask me to repeat the total once because he had forgotten what it was, but again didn't react when I repeated it, just another weird pause, even though he can hear me talking and see my lips moving. At one point he brought up his wife's credit, as though still convinced I had the wrong order or something had just been entered incorrectly, and he asked how much the individual items cost. So I printed out his ticket, read the individual prices and the original subtotal ($38-something) AND the amount of the credit, AND the final total, and concluded that it was correct, even making sure to add that "...so with the third salad and the other wings that she just added, that puts the total at [whatever it was]," JUST IN CASE he somehow missed that detail the first time. And yet again, there is no acknowledgement toward me or anything I'm saying, and he didn't even glance at the ticket when I printed it out, not even in an, "Oh, movement out of the corner of my eye, what is this?" kind of way. Just...nothing. And this all happens in a very short frame of time--like, probably just a little over a minute, possibly even less--but apparently his majesty thinks I was taking too long to get the issue sorted out (even though I had explained it repeatedly and in detail), so he goes, "Well, I'm tired of waiting," and says it in this conceding manner, as if he Knows he's being overcharged and it's some strange mystery as to WHY, but he's going to let it slide and just pay the full total I gave him because he's Such A Swell Guy Giving The Mixed-Up Cashier A Break. And so as he starts to open his wallet, since it's the first time I've had the opportune moment to bring it up, I say, "And some of the wings are still cooking, so it'll be a few minutes before they're ready," because letting someone know their food isn't ready yet is crucial information when they're there to pick it up. It should have already been obvious that it wasn't ready given that I'd already told him his wife JUST CALLED to add more to the order, yet he just makes one of those "this might as well happen" faces, the kind that's like so annoyed it's almost amused, and this is something I see quite a bit whenever someone just has one thing after the next going wrong with their order (usually something that can't be helped, like we ran out of several things they wanted to order), and sometimes the person making that face does actually get annoyed with me or with the restaurant over it, but a good bit of the time they just have a little personal #FML moment at the universe in general, and then they gather their composure and they're like, "okay, yeah, that's fine" and let me know they don't blame me. But with this guy, I couldn't tell which it was gonna be. So anyway, he puts his wallet away and goes to the bench to wait. It's not out of the ordinary for someone to want to wait until their food is ready before they pay, especially if they have reason to suspect something might go wrong with it, and it's usually a very chill situation and they're not dicks about it or anything, and I figure this is just one of those situations, so I just make a mental note to remember he hasn't paid yet in case I need to remind him. So I move on to the next customer, and after I've taken care of them right quick, I go to make the guy's third salad, and ended up having to make all three of them, because no one had made the original two. Since there are no interruptions, this takes only a couple of minutes. Then once I have all three of his salads finished and put in the fridge, there's another customer who needs a salad made, so I start on that one. Right in the middle of working on the other person's salad, this guy shows up at my side and says, "What the fuck is the holdup?!" As if he had been waiting for thirty minutes as opposed to like, five, give or take. Like, I wasn't even sure his wings had had time to finish cooking yet, since 15 minutes is our standard wait time. But the man is enraged and acting like he's being treated horribly, and he's steady ranting and cussing for the whole world to hear (he had the nerve to make some sort of complaint about bad manners?), and I just say calmly, deliberately not acknowledging his bad attitude, "I'll check on your wings for you." So I check on his wings, leaving the salad half-made, and sure enough, his wings are now ready, and they can't have been sitting for more than a few seconds, given how little time has elapsed. So I bag them up, functioning on autopilot, because he's reached the level of angry that I don't engage with, because when someone's that angry, your only options are A) try to reason with them, which is guaranteed to fail, B) get snippy, thus escalating the situation and getting fired, or C) letting your body register how overwhelmed you suddenly feel and bursting into tears. None of those are good ideas, so I just act as though he's any normal customer who's not making a scene, and bring him his stuff, making sure to check the screen as I go to hand it to him to see if someone else has cashed him out yet. I can see that he still hasn't paid, but as soon as everything on his order is present, he snatches it up, whirls around, and swiftly storms out. Before he can get away, I call loudly, knowing good and well that he can hear me, "You haven't paid yet," not bothering to sugarcoat it with my customer service voice. He deliberately ignores me. I make no further effort to stop him, because while I have reminded irate customers that they still had to pay for their orders, and I have gone after people who simply forgot to pay before, there's no way in hell I'm about to chase down someone who flat out refused to pay for their food, because anyone that brazen and unpredictable is not someone I'm going to force a confrontation with. And since the whole thing was so surreal, I didn't actually register what happened enough to do anything else about it, so I just went back to making the other person's salad. But the other server on duty fortunately had the presence of mind to tell the shift manager what happened, then he asked me about it, I filled in the blanks for him, and then he made a call, either to someone higher up or to the police. And he tried to call the customer, too, because duh, we have his phone number from the order. Dummy didn't think that through when he made his grand exodus.

It was insane. All the other customers in the building were side-eyeing the guy and giving their own commentary on the situation. One guy who had dined in said as he was paying for his meal that he had been able to see the guy pull out from his table, and that he'd been in such a hurry that he almost hit another car pulling in on his way out. And I know someone called the police at some point, because they showed up shortly after this all went down, but once they did, the manager had finally gotten a hold of the man's wife, and she agreed to pay for their food over the phone, so there were no charges pressed in the end. The wife has been quoted as saying, "My husband can get a bit impatient," much to the incredulity of the entire staff. Then once everything was taken care of, the police decided to have dinner there, in part to keep an eye out in case the guy came back to cause more trouble, which he fortunately did not.

And all this before the sun had even gone down.

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 - Revisionist History, Pre-Accusation (2)

AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!

Trial: 1

So last time on YGO I was getting a bit full of myself because everything was pointing to me being right about the mastermind, and then I proceeded to get clothes-lined by Shuichi’s conclusion about the first trial:

Sweetcheeks is taking revenge on me for all the times I got ahead of him in the trials. It’s okay I’m here for it -

TFW you’re called on in class and you were barely paying attention to what was going on -

Also yes any excuse to beat down on the Monokubs I will welcome with open arms THANK YOU DRV3

“Also hey, player controlling me right now? Fuckin’ duh.”

It’s okay Shuichi, I’m more than happy to have been wrong on this one.

... which also could have doubled as planted evidence to frame Kaede as the mastermind I-I’M JUST SAYING okay maybe not 100% over it -

But okay, ‘I’m getting carried away. The important thing is that there is no doubt that this shot should be associated with Kaede. She and Miu rocked that pink look, after all.

whispers I miss you Kaede; I’d like to think you’re with us in spirit right now

MAN Sweetcheeks is making this look so easy in hindsight! When I originally thought it was just part of the frame job, I didn’t consider the implications of having a clean shotput there with the fiber. After all, if it existed, the bloody version complete with the fiber would have worked just as well!

I’M SHOOK

But... but Kaede didn’t know that, did she? That’s why things went the way they did. She believed she was the killer the whole time. And that’s part of the genius of the plan...

And what, she - they got away with it? With all the groundwork and clues pointing to Kaede, it was just fine for Monokuma to accept that wrong conclusion? Does that mean if they had ever come to a wrong conclusion in any of the other trials - well, wait. No, the actual killer would know that they had gotten away with murder....

....

What..... if Monokuma had pulled a similar stunt in a different trial, but executed an innocent person anyway? I wonder how the killer would react to the idea that they wouldn’t be freed after all - and how they would continue living with everyone with that hanging over their heads. Well, I guess we know how Korekiyo would probably deal with it, but what about Kirumi or Miu, for example? Would they kick up a fuss or accept it quietly and bide their time with the knowledge that there wasn’t any way to truly graduate? Hell, what if they had chosen Kokichi for the 4th blackened and Monokuma accepted the ruling, and a totally oblivious Gonta survived with the rest of the cast to Chapter 5?

sorry don’t mind me just speculating...

Tsumugi adored Kaede, but she just couldn’t bring herself to trust her, huh. Did she have back-up plans for all of the murder plans or just this one?

STOP KILLING THE ONLY TOLERABLE MONOKUB!!!!

BLOW YOURSELF UP NEXT TIME SMH

because he made a great play to steal her potential girlfriend in a super cute nail-painting scen - I-I mean -

yeah that seems more likely somehow

But Kaede folded first...

Are you telling me that after all that planning, all that work, all that effort, all that agonizing -

she....

SHE MISSED?!

The goal wasn’t to kill them off.... well, of course it wasn’t. Rantaro even aid at the beginning that if they wanted them dead they could have killed them off with the exisals. It was always about the game.

So the plan fails, and because Tsu - the mastermind was keeping tabs on Kaede and Shuichi’s plan (for obvious reasons! I wonder if she was ready to deal with someone else finding the door aside from Rantaro?) she was able to prepare a second backup shotput and take things into her own hands... with Kaede none the wiser that she had failed.

Attempted murder and murder by proxy aren’t considered equal - Chapter 4 was proof enough of that. And yet...

‘Played along’ - again, talking about him like he’s a completely separate entity and that he should be treated as such.

“The moment you let murder into your heart, you lost.”

Again, what if Kokichi had ended up taking the fall for Gonta’s murder and Monokuma let him??? What would have happened? Would Monokuma have executed him? Would Kokichi have protested at the last minute??? And Gonta wouldn’t know better - !

It was always just killing.

The wound he got when Kaede died healed, but it was never truly gone. It’s been a few weeks at most, and it got ripped open again during the investigation. I’ll probably end up making a few small asides about how he’s only bringing up Kaede over everyone else (including Kaito who! just! literally! died!) but at the same time, he’s probably reeling at the idea that he was tricked into sending her to die. It’s not surprising that she in particular is monopolizing his thoughts right now.

“AND UH EVERYONE ELSE TOO BUT I’M REALLY OVERCOME BY FEELINGS OF SUNK SHIPS’ PAST!” okay I see like I really couldn’t resist

You know what’s really awesome to see amidst all of Shuichi’s speculation? How helpful the rest of the class is being. They’re contributing now just like they were in the investigation, in big ways! Even Himiko, who is definitely out of her element, isn’t letting herself get distracted and is trying to keep everyone’s spirits up!

With that said... hehe ~

fml that was cute

I didn’t need to keep this screenshot but I love Himiko’s spell names lmao

GRHGRKGHK

Shuichi literally blocked out the Kaede twin!theory from his mind.

“Tsumugi please - We’re not actually doing this, right? Right???”

My cousins are twins too! CLEARLY ONE OR BOTH OF THEM MUST BE MASTERMINDING A KILLING GAME SOMEWHERE -

“And all twins have at least one evil person in the set! That’s, like, science or something!”

“Well crap - I’d refute that but without the solid backing of the Ultimate Genetist, can we really say that’s not true?”

The ellipses better be leading to a ‘fuck no’, Sweetcheeks.

To think that all of those awkward ‘Himiko has a small bladder’ jokes have l had to suffer through were leading to this grand pay-off.

‘Please tell me this isn’t the answer. Damn you Tsumugi, I’ll give it 5 minutes of my time at maximum, but I will be so mad if it’s the answer.’

That noise is totally Shuichi’s inner voice, master of deadpan and silent sassy killer, breaking free from the confines of his mind to dunk on Kaede!mastermind theory one last time.

AND DUNK ON IT HE DOES. And oh boy did Motherkuma really screw Miss Mastermind over, because that line about ‘visiting the room often’ knocks that 17th person theory straight out of the park.

And honestly? That rules out a ‘faked their death’ student scenario too, for the same reason.

.... Which, just like the above, rules out a hidden student theory for a fantastic reason that didn’t really occur to me as a fully-formed thought apparently because I was nodding along with Shuichi’s reasoning, lol. There’s no use for a classroom that hides its contents for someone who could have easily set up a hidden room for exclusive use in their hiding spot. Though with that said... why not have it in the mastermind’s lab? What was the point of keeping them separate?

“Crap, you weren’t supposed to see that. Why didn’t anyone tell me he saw that???”

.......... This....... really does make it sound like he hasn’t realized who the mastermind is................

What a totally unbiased bit of speculation, Tsumugi!

I would kill to know her thoughts right now. There are moments like this where she helps out, but only with information that seems to be inevitable or easy to speculate. She needs to maintain the image of helping out. And then, of course, there are her wilder diversions offered under the guise of speculation that she’s able to throw out with that same tone of voice! What is your thought process, girl???

I think there’s a deep part of himself that’s known this from the beginning. Even if he didn’t know it was specifically Tsumugi, he knew that one of the last four people here was the mastermind. And ruling Maki (who got tricked and almost became the blackened) and K1-b0 (who literally just went berserk and had to be talked down from destroying the whole school) out, well...

The fact that Himiko is trying so hard to keep them all together and cheerful, even ending her speech like this:

... is, uh, darkly hilarious.

A WITCH!!! wait wrong series -

AND SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T PLAN ON ‘DYING’... just sayin’

I mean, the rest of them can be friends right??? Just because one of them trapped the others in a strange place, stole/potentially overwrote all of their memories and made them kill each other - wait, this is coming out wrong -

“Seriously, I’ll take any leeway I can get here.”

“Well now that you bring it up, we never actually saw Kokichi’s body and he’s absolutely, totally, 100% a Remnant of Des -”

..... Oh thank god no one actually said this. I was kinda expecting Tsumugi to try this tbh. 8′D So, um, when exactly are we going to use his motive video then?

WE’RE NOT PLAYING DR1 DAMN IT NOT AGAIN

Which Shuichi knows. Oh, Sweetcheeks definitely knows. And he remembers....

Ooooooh this is it. This is it!!! We’re finally going to the trial 1 alibis! And I know a certain someone’s alibi that isn’t going to stand up to scrutiny this time... ~

“A nice hole that we can just thrust our big, hard truth into. That was for you Miu, RII (Rest In Innuendos).”

can you imagine if we just had a little tribute to every character we lost along the way in this trial GET ON THIS SWEETCHEEKS

I cannot impress upon you all how desperately I have been waiting for this moment - !

So I let all the dialogue play. Every little bit of it. And oooooh boy, seeing Shuichi react to seeing that certain obvious part stick out....... well.

You can tell I was looking forward to this part because I was literally screencapping every bit of her dialogue lmao while also trying to maintain proper, y’know, control of the reticle.

Yup...

How very ~convenient~.

WHICH KOREKIYO BROUGHT UP SPECIFICALLY.........

WHERE IS THE GOLD TEXT

V

FUCKING

COUNTER

BABY!!!!

If he wasn’t sure before... if he even had a hint of a possibility in his mind before... there is no way he doesn’t know now. There’s no way he isn’t sure now.

HIMIKO YOU CREATED THIS CHANCE FOR US!!!

“Wow, I’m really glad I didn’t go through with murdering you after all!”

Tsumugi is absolutely standing there sweating bullets, just wondering when the hell this was discovered under her nose. You really should have tried to stick with Shuichi to mislead him further!

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS.

“No seriously, when the hell did you find the bathroom secret passage?!”

FML okay the fact that Himiko is still hoping she could find a way to defend Tsumugi is.... incredibly sad....

he placed a receipt in the doorway

he put tape on the windows

the entrance was sealed via detective’s authority

I wonder how she knew the right timing to go to the girl’s bathroom... maybe she had a similar alert set up for when Rantaro went into the library? She was only gone for five minutes - any longer would have been suspicious. Does she have a way of accessing the cameras outside of the lab, or am I just nitpicking something that has an explanation I’ve forgotten?

.... WHELP ANYWAY -

Come on, you’ve been so creative up until now - there’s no way you don’t have something else up your sleeve!

OI -

OI!!!! HAVE SOME PRIDE!

wait why am I getting defensive about this -

The ability to navigate truth and lies and know when to be relentless in pursuit of truth... is this the new Shuichi we’ve been building up to? It’s interesting, because there are similarities to the last trial where he wouldn’t be shaken off the path to the truth - but taking after Kokichi, he won’t let emotions sway him this time. Where he was gentle and tentative in Chapter 4, he won’t give an inch here.

DAMN BOY! HE’S COMING OUT SWINGING!

Neither of these two are clamouring to come to her defense, I notice.

speaking of people who can’t deal with much more heartbreak and betrayal, how about that ‘slowly slipping back into depression’ Himiko here -

“HEY DON’T INTERRUPT MY DEFENSE YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK WAY MORE SUSPICIOUS!!!”

Er, well, about that next chapter...

What proceeded was probably Shuichi’s most aggressive, brutal and merciless Rebuttal Showdown of the entire game. Damn, Sweetcheeks!

....... yeah, they didn’t stand a chance.

“.... and it will require you all to test me and yourselves by finding ways to slip the word ‘birth’ in casual conversation around me. Or really awkward sentences! That’ll work too, I’m actually not that picky.”

LMAO WAY TO THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS

“EVEN NOW, IN THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE GAME, ROBOPHOBIA PERSISTS - “

let tsumugi say fuck

Maki gives NO FUCKS

Actually, you gotta appreciate how Maki isn’t swayed at all. Right now Shuichi really needs that steady support by his side and, with so few options left, it looks like Maki is ready to act that way for him. 

NO THIS IS TOO SAD, EVEN WHEN HE’S CREATED AN AIRTIGHT ARGUMENT HE STILL HAS A SHRED OF DOUBT IN HIS ABILITIES AND DEDUCTIONS...

But... more importantly, he’s okay with being wrong. He’s not afraid of being proven wrong and being potentially embarrassed in front of everyone the way he was before. That.... takes a lot of guts, for someone as perpetually anxious as him. Good on you, Shuichi.

And Maki is with him 100%. I think she may have already accepted Shuichi’s deduction as the real deal, tbh.

but what is there left for her to defend herself with at this point

What is going on in your head right now -

quietly skips over the random interlude where Monosuke attempts to conspicuously disrupt the proceedings and gets blown up for his trouble -

Thanks, dude.

GREEN PUKE

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS thank atua

Also it’s interesting - they have a bit of a back and forth about Monokuma ‘loving’ the kids which, you know, has been of a running joke. But unlike during the rest of the game, he’s never actively destroyed them before... but he is now. Why? He brought them back to man the exisals and attempt to take the fight out of the students after the fifth trial, so why is he knocking them off one after the other like this? Sure they’ve been shown to be replaceable but...

Two different entities with different goals, I’m telling ya!

The moment of truth..... it’s finally here.

It’s. It’s finally here.

Well then.........................

here we go.

Looking like she would rather be anywhere but here...

How strange.... to see the accused so rattled like this. Not crying like Gonta, not angry or upset like Kirumi and Korekiyo - and just think of the last game too, where they were resigned, resolute or just accepting - she just looks.... scared in a different way. And decidedly not ‘mastermind’-like. So where are we going to go from here?

“Any last words?”

“Goku didn’t die for this.”

[matronaa]

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz  e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it  and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is  l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i  d i e  for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das  a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur  like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

[grimelords]

My May playlist is finished and it’s got everything from Rachmaninoff to Peaches across 3 and a half hours, I hope you enjoy it.

If The Car Beside You Moves Ahead - James Blake: James Blake has got such a big brain and this song is unbelievable. He has such a way of taking things that could be gimmicky like this vocal stuttering, or looping vocals and making them totally heartrending.

The Boxer - The Chemical Brothers: The central melody of this song is constantly stuck in my head and complete proof that you can make an incredibly catchy hook with just three notes if you need to.

known(1) - Autechre: I think this is maybe Autechre's most straightforward song but it still sounds like a harpsichord concerto getting sucked into a black hole. The way the violin-ish part swoops around throughout the whole thing, disintegrating and reforming before your eyes is hypnotising.

Sundown - Boards Of Canada: Guess who started crying this month listening to an ambient Boards Of Canada song thinking about how the end of soil is within my lifetime and we have destroyed our only home the earth!!

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys: With their new album coming out I went back and listened to AM for the first time in a while and it's still really astonishing what they pulled off. This and R U Mine? completely blew me away when they came out. Having the audacity to completely change your sound and style and have it work perfectly is amazing, and then disappearing for five years and trying to do it again? Bold.

FML - Kanye West: I was listening to this a lot when Kanye was off his lexapro and fucking his whole life up. And now there's a sequel to this on the new album where Kim's begging him not to fuck the money up, which I think is a very good kind of storytelling.

United P92 - Venetian Snares & Daniel Lanois: I love the idea of ambient Venetian Snares and this is the song on the album where their two ideas meet in the middle the best I think. Also the way this builds and builds into total chaos I always forget that it's coming and get surprised when it says 'the machine can cum', what a funny song.

Turnstile Blues - Autolux: I saw Autolux's drummer in Jack White's band when he played on SNL a couple of weeks ago and suddenly remembered how perfect this song is. A true testament to the power of a simple groove that sounds like it was recorded in a concrete garage.

Young For Eternity - The Subways: Yet another great song about being a vampire and all the benefits that vampirism can bring to your life! Thank god for Dracula! He sucked the shit out of me, now I can leave my work for nights and leave my days for sleeping! Young for eternity!

Oh Yeah - The Subways: I bought a 7" of this song a couple of weeks ago in honour of the time it inexplicably caused me a mental breakdown and made me sprint out of my house to drive around town crying and listening to it on repeat for some hours about 5 years ago. Not sure what that was about!

The Blues - Defeater: As far as songs that go for less than a minute go, I really can't fault this one. Pure power, it does absolutely everything it sets out to do and still manages to get two choruses in under the wire.

Bombay - El Guincho: I saw Holy Mountain this month in a double feature with El Topo, and although El Topo kind of sucked I loved The Holy Mountain a lot. There's a part where there's been a battle and a whole lot of protesters are dying on the ground bleeding, except you can see that the blood and guts are obviously special effects, you can see the hose that she's using to pretend to cry and the guts are green balloons and things like that. Hold on I found it on youtube anyway I know I've seen it before and I thought it was in the video to this song or another one of CANADA's videos but I watched them all and can't find it! If anyone can tell me the music video I'm thinking of, thankyou. This song is also, of course, good.

Swim Good - Frank Ocean: Honestly has there ever been a better song about wearing a cool suit and driving your car into the ocean?? Never. This is perhaps the best sing along song ever because you've got to do your smoothest voice ever until he does his little emo yells of 'I'm goin out!' near the end.

Batphone - Arctic Monkeys: I think this is my favourite song off the new Arctive Monkeys, it's the most '3am slamming away at a club piano' type vibe of them all, but most of all I love the little spiralling into space guitar noise that keeps happening whenever he finishes a line.

An Open Letter To NYC - Beastie Boys: I'm almost always thinking about the time Beastie Boys made a very serious song about how good New York is after 9/11 and they said 'dear New York I know a lot has changed, we're two towers down but we're still in the game'.

Black Car - Beach House: I can't get enough of the new Beach House album, and this song in particular. It's some of my favourite lyrics of theirs ever, a good song for when you're trapped in a dark labyrinth of your own creation.

Midnight Radio 1 - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: Got quite heavily into Bohren & Der Club Of Gore again this month. This is from the album before they got rid of their guitarist and replaced him with a saxophonist, which pretty dramatically changed their sound from 'extremely brooding night music' to 'film noir soundtrack', which is still very good but really not the same. Anyway this song goes for 20 minutes and it feels illegal to listen to it any time before 2am.

House In LA - Jungle: I am so excited that Jungle are finally back and with such an amazing song too. I love how spacious this is, it feels very different to their first - a lot more grown up and I really can't wait for the album.

Lemonworld - The National: Someone had a tweet a while ago that was like 'the guy from the national sounds like he's been going through a divorce for ten years now' which is very true, but this song feels like it's from happier times when he went to see his sister in law and had an morosely horny time. This song feels like the entire experience of reading a literary novel condensed into 4 minutes: a depressed older man in New York having a sort of backwards, confusing sexual thought. This is a song I regularly listen to on repeat and sing along to, it's a very specific feeling and I think "it'll take a better war to kill a college man like me" is one of the best lines he's ever written.

Rigamortis - Zomby: I put off listening to the new Zomby album for so long because his last one was just so boring but he's completely redeemed himself on this, it's really something. It feels like one long piece, which is amazing when any sort of thematic coherence is a rarity for Zomby albums. There's a lot of recurring sounds and motifs, and almost zero drums in the traditional sense. It feels like a really mature reflection on grime that he's been building up to for years.

Indoors - Burial: Whereas this song sounds like you're waiting outside a club in hell.

Segeln Ohne Wind - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: Another Bohren song but from much, much later. I love the way the brass sounds in this when it finally comes in, it's so rich and overpowering.

Isle Of The Dead - Segei Rachmaninoff: Wikipedia says "The piece was inspired by a black and white reproduction of Arnold Böcklin's painting, Isle of the Dead, which Rachmaninoff saw in Paris in 1907. Rachmaninoff was disappointed by the original painting when he later saw it, saying, "If I had seen first the original, I, probably, would have not written my Isle of the Dead. I like it in black and white." and it also says "Prints were very popular in central Europe in the early 20th century—Vladimir Nabokov observed in his novel Despair that they could be "found in every Berlin home". Folks what is going on with this spooky painting.

Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction: For a long time this was the emergency dead air song on Triple J, which is an inspired choice in my opinion because there'd be ten seconds of eerie silence because something's gone wrong at the station and then suddenly two huge loud chords! and dogs barking! A BEEN CAUGHT STEEL IN! ONCE!

Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel: I was sitting on the toilet when I saw a news article that said Peter Gabriel has finally made his music available on Spotify and I said 'yessssssss' loudly myself and then played Sledgehammer. Honorable mention to the best ever sample of this song in Contemporary Man by Action Bronson, which is unfortunately still unavailable on Spotify.

Reaching The Gulf - Dylan Carlson: I saw a review of this album saying Dylan Carlson is the only choice for soundtrack if they ver make a movie of Blood Meridian and they're completely right. I'm also so glad that he collaborated with Emma Ruth Rundle on this, it feels like the closest I'll get to bonus tracks to her Electric Guitar One album.

T-1000 - Swarms: I have no idea where or why I first heard this album but it's been in my rotation for a long time. It's in the general canon of post-Burial dubstep before dubstep got americanized and it's just very nice. When the vocals finally come in on this it's a very emotional moment for me.

Casino Trem - Tyondai Braxton: It's really surprising listening to Tyondai Braxton's work after Battles because he has such a distinct melodic style it's shocking to realise how much he brought to that first album. After listening to a lot of his solo stuff it becomes so recognisable it almost feels like you can go back through Mirroroed and pick out every single guitar line of his making. Anyway this song is great. Starts out sounding like what it feels like to be trapped in a pokie and ends up like you're trapped in a databent Banjo Kazooie cartridge.

Kick It - Peaches & Iggy Pop: The first time I ever heard this song, and the first time I ever heard of Peaches or Iggy Pop was on the soundtrack to Midnight Club 3 so I didn't really know what the fuck was going on. I still don't really. I love that this is supposed to be like a dangerous sexy song but the whole time Iggy Pop is just rebuffing her advances and bullying her. Then she's like 'go to berlin' and then the song ends. Still not sure what this one's about still!

If You Know You Know - Pusha T: GOD this song is good, I've been listening to it on repeat. What I love about Pusha T is where a lot of other rappers talk sort of frivolously about drug dealing and everything, he often feels like he's putting his hand on your shoulder and looking you straight in the eyes saying 'I am not fucking around. If you need drugs of any calibre or kind I can get them for you in massive quantities.' The impish way he's saying 'if you know you know', absolutely kills me, like he's a cartoon man winking at me while hiding drugs inside a tennis ball.

Hacker - Death Grips: I think I put this on my playlist last month but I'm still on it so. My new favourite part of this song is when he says "The table's flipped now we got all the coconuts bitch / Burmese babies under each arm / Screaming beautiful songs".

Cavity - Hundred Waters: Hundred Waters feel like a really underrated band to me, I've been listening to their last two album a lot this month and they're just stunning. The long build up towards the end before the two note melody comes back and kills me? What a moment.

Music For The Long Emergency - Polica: I didn't love this album when it came out but I've been listening to it more and more and it's really growing on me. I think I put this song on a playlist a month or two ago so I won't write more but let me say this: Polica rules.

On The Grid - Lime: tfw you turn the knob and you do a good job and you wind up on the grid :/

Elephants - Them Crooked Vultures: I feel like Them Crooked Vultures gets forgotten when people talk about Queens Of The Stone Age albums. People bring up Desert Sessions and Kyuss but somehow forget that this giant album happened. Anyway this is far and away the best song on it because it just keeps on giving and giving. It's just a huge jam about riding an elephant and having cool hair(?).

Particle - Hundred Waters: This song feels like it could be the EDM hit of the summer if it was structured slightly differently, but instead it's the biggest brain pop song I've heard in a long time. I love how much power the bass has in this, it really feels impactful when it comes and goes. The vocal performance is obviously incredible as always but I really love the distorted vocal line that sort of tears itself apart now and then, against how clean everything else in this song sounds it really makes it.

Me Or Us - Young Thug: Thinking hard about when Young Thug sampled First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes and made it into a really really good song.

Because I Love You - Montaigne: God this song is good. All the time the lyric 'I ate a salad today, I ate one yesterday too' pops into my head and makes me laugh. She tweeted about this song a couple of days ago and it really made me laugh: "My ex-boyfriend & I once watched BBC Sherlock & during the ep he paused & basically soliloquised about how he’s a tortured genius just like Sherlock & I’m his Watson in as condescending a way as you’re probably imagining then poured a shot of whiskey & now you know the story"​

listen here

[pharmacyprobz]

Over it.

I had this woman in the drive-thru today. She was there to pick up a prescription for her infant daughter that we had gotten probably like 10 minutes prior. Yeah, it’s not ready. But whatever. I have to ask for insurance first anyway and it’s for a baby so whatever, I’ll just rush it through.

So I ask, is there insurance? Because we obviously aren’t going to have insurance on file for a 5-month-old. This is the first time your 5-month-old is getting a prescription. 

“You don’t have it?”

No. We don’t have it. For your baby. Every person has a separate profile. How would we have your baby’s fucking insurance?

She passes me a card in the drawer, and I go to the computer. I get momentarily tangled in the wires for the keyboard, the telephone, and the scanner. Fml. It takes another minute for me to get untangled and then get to the patient profile. Then I actually look at the card. Wait, what the fuck. Oh, goddammit. This is not fucking prescription insurance.

I’m already exhausted with this woman and her ‘you don’t have it?’

So I go back and I slide the card back and I say, this isn’t actually the correct insurance, do you have prescription insurance?

“No??? This is our only card?”

I try not to kill myself right then and there.

“Okay, this isn’t prescription insurance though. Does anyone else in the family fill prescriptions at this pharmacy?”

“Yeah. My name is [Idiot McStupid].”

I look up Idiot McStupid. Oh look it’s [ConcernBlemish]. The same insurance that this exact situation always happens with because it requires a separate card for prescription benefits and this is just TOO MUCH!!! for the common-denominator brain to handle.

“Yes, okay, looks like the insurance is [CONCERNBLEMISH], so I can copy that over to [your poor poor child]’s profile.”

Mind you, she’s also rolling her window up after every sentence. Shoot me.

I copy it over. It all goes through so she only has to pay $2 instead of $20. I do everything for her. She’s clueless and clearly thinks I have an attitude when really I contained myself pretty well for how much I hated her guts. We get the prescription done in 60 seconds. I have someone else ring her out because... ugh.

A lot of the goings-on at my pharmacy lately have been pushing me towards the edge. We’re in horrible shape. We used to be a “sure come on over it’ll be 15 minutes” kinda place. Now 1 hour wait times are a daily occurrence. 2 hours sometimes. Everyone’s miserable. Everyone hates their life. Everyone wants to quit. I’m surprised only 1 person (thankfully a part-timer) has. I don’t want to get into it because I’ll be here for the next few days just trying to list off all the problems. But this story exemplifies why I’m so over retail pharmacy lately. People coming over from the doctor’s office immediately and expecting things to be ready. People not having a fucking clue about their own insurance. People expecting us to hold their hand and wipe their ass for them. I’m so over it. This job would be fine if human beings just had reasonable expectations for what we, the pharmacy, can and should do for them. But they don’t. And they’re terrible. And I don’t like them.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 25: Oh Hai Mai

Heyyy we’re back. Thank for bearing with me, it’s been kind of chaos over here. Everything from a pandemic (we are very sloooowly reopening over here but I’ve been quarantined so long I can french braid my damn leg hair.) to important political protests, to getting an evacuation order because an arsonist burned down 90 acres in the heat of summer (luckily we’re all fine), to a vole that ate everything in my pandemic self-care garden so I lost my entire mind and waged war and dug so many holes and put out 17 mouse traps and set off so many critter bombs under the ground trying to kill the little bastard like it was Caddyshack (It’s still alive, ps, I lost that war). These last 3 months have been the longest decades of my life. The only month longer was the one where I’m pretty sure I had mono and it made me positive that my basement was haunted.

Man, bring back my haunted basement, Sorry if this comes through in my writing, I tried but, I can’t edit it out. You get FML-Rachel today.

Lets get back to a good, mindless distraction, lets turn on Yugioh.

BUT------->it just so happens that this episode of Yugioh has cop stuff in it, I’m just going to be blunt. We’re going into Valon’s backstory, he’s very much a victim of problems within the bizarre Yugioh legal system, and much like a Gotham supervillain, he is a symptom of the problem more than the cause.

I’m not going to ignore that, but in case you are overwhelmed about that right now, if you want to like...save this for later--I have another FMA recap coming out soon that I wrote in a simpler time before....the corona freakin ruined us all.

Last we left off, we were on the heels of Joey Wheeler, who decided to book it down the street because he wants to murder the hell out of Valon.

Youknow...Joey is one hell of a protagonist. He just does...so MANY antagonistic things.

Joey has decided that although the world is ending, and everyone left alive will be absorbed into the Great Leviathon’s big yummy tummy, which can only be prevented by three people, of which he is one of--he’s going to go sprint in completely the other direction.

We even managed to get Kaiba on board. We were ready. We were done, but then Joey had to lose his freakin mind because that’s just what Joey Wheeler does sometimes.

Normally heroes avoid the call to duty because of a severe lack of self confidence, but this is Joey, and he’s going to avoid the call to duty because of too much self confidence.

And so Joey and his Chaperone turn a corner and walk into this random orc who’s just casually living his best life and touring SF.

One of my worst fears walking through SF, tbh. Running into high school people. Not so much the orcs.

Yo, I wonder what the bushman was doing through all of this? So IRL, we have this guy who just...hides in a bush and jump-scares tourists. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in a bush and then just...all these orcs show up and you’re all.

...oh no, now I’m the fool...

I just want to know if bushman made it, or if he’s in a paper card that’s just a picture of foliage.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Joey was already in the process of running, so they just turned around on this street of...so much parking.

Like y’all there is SO MUCH PARKING this episode. I was trying to pay attention to anything else, but like...do you see this!? It takes nearly half an hour usually to get a spot but this--this right here?

And the crazy thing is, recently my bro had to go pick up some old guy from a cruise that...got quarantined...and so bro had to go the Pier and like--this is what the city looked like. This is a pandemic, it’s just lots of parking, so I want to criticize Yugioh, and I normally would, but I can’t. I’ve seen the receipts. They called it. This is what the endtimes look like and it’s so much parking.

Also, they were too lazy to draw cars but damn, they called it.

So, left with no other option, Joey decides to...be Joey, and punches a huge orc covered in armor.

So Valon’s here, because apparently SF has just...no one left alive in it except for these few kids and that one Uber Eats driver. I imagine it’s a lot easier to find Joey if you just follow the only one screaming in Japanese in a Brooklyn accent at the top of his lungs.

And Valon decides that this one way street isn’t good enough, and that they must duel somewhere else.

I assumed it would be a tall structure, but considering Kaiba just blew up the tallest structures in the Financial District...I was like...what else is tall? And bear in mind, I’m a mess, so I was like...OMG I wish it were Macy’s!!!

Now I hear you saying that’s weird, and we shouldn’t have a very fancy Macy’s in 2020, and you’re correct. but we still have one, and the top floor is just...a massive Cheesecake factory, and I can’t think of anything more 00′s than a Yugioh duel on top of that specific Cheesecake Factory.

And I’ve never really thought before about where the best Yugioh duel would be, and it’s there. It’s at the high rise Cheesecake. Listen Yugioh, if you need an insider to choose locations for your Netflix remake of S4--call me.

So anyways, instead of doing the right thing and going to the Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy’s like any other self respecting 00′s teenager, Valon and Joey are going to drive through the most boring parts of town.

They had an opportunity to go chase eachother through any tourist attraction, Lombard street, Ghirardelli Square, the Palace of Fine Arts, China town, reuse some assets and drive through Japan town, that fountain that looks like Yoda--but no...they decided to drive through literal trash.

Just...a missed opportunity, and it should have been a Cheesecake Factory.

Also, I totally and fully acknowledge that a strange nostalgic affection for the Cheesecake Factory is a weird Millennial thing (much like our weird encyclopedic knowledge of Sailor Moon) but listen. You have your thing, too. You go do you, I’m gonna soak my sorrows in a bowl of Chinese chicken salad so wide, it’ll last me 3 days.

Anyways, Joey’s gonna steal that guy’s bike.

Yugioh just predicting the future in 2003. We actually have a HUGE problem right now with vehicle theft in the city to an almost comedic degree, which is partly why the parking situation has gotten so incredibly dire. It’s kind of incredible that this guy left his bike out because after about 1 day in the city you learn pretty fast that you need to be constantly checking on your street parked vehicle--I mean, that guy was just asking for it, honestly. If Joey hadn’t taken it, some other guy would have absolutely taken it, (even that orc would’ve taken it, the city has no consideration for cars.)

Sorry --one sec-- that was an earthquake just now. As I’m typing this. Just a little guy. Just a little treat for me...

...but still like...c’mon. I’m also getting this weird issue where Tumblr doesn’t save my drafts so like...this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to write this like...I just want to make a Yugioh post for my tiny funtime tv blog, Universe. Don’t @ me right now, Universe.

SO MUCH FREAKIN PARKING.

...is it the space between two piers? What is this? We don’t have rivers in SF, it is a peninsula covered in very steep hills. Like very VERY steep hills. All water just rolls into the ocean and there’s a couple of lake thingies but...no rivers that I know of (And like maybe this is a thing, and I just haven’t seen it? Learn something new every day.)

*loud, audible sigh* home. Where we belong. At the warehousssssssse.

Back at the RV base, Duke Devlin is still babysitting. Maybe this is to make up for the two seasons he spent trying to date a girl Rebecca’s age, that they felt like going out of their way to show that he has indeed no longer horny now. Got to hand it to them, that’s a lot of character development right there. Although at the same time, it has made Duke Devlin a very non-character.

But imagine how insanely complicated would it have been if Duke got involved in that bizarre love-square that is Yugi, Tea, and the Ghost that killed Yugi by accident.

PS that’s either a freeway onramp (which is too far South from where they were, I think) or it sure does look like old Embarcadero behind them. Youknow, that lifted street from the 80′s that fell down in Loma Prieta and was never rebuilt? I just freakin love that it’s still here in 2003. This bizarre Yugioh alternate California.

Anyway, because this is alternate California, Seto set a massive fire and the entire city didn’t immediately go up in flames. Apparently they just kinda ran away from the explosion and damage before anyone noticed.

Probably because most people on Earth are dead anyway, so what more can these two actually do?

And so Yami ends up getting lectured by the wife.

And justifiably, the wife seems to have absolutely no confidence that Yami will be able to do a damn thing right.

Wifes all around this episode.

Speaking of,

At this point, Arthur Hawkins senses that Yami’s nearby, so he opens the door just to freakin dump some guilt on him.

...Rebecca seems to be a character that’s mostly there to recap the lore and also to dump on Yami. I don’t mind that. Yami needs to get dunked more often, and I’m saying that in S4, where the entire season’s tagline is “how many times can we dunk on Yami?”

So lets check on Yugi, how’s that kid doing? It’s been quite a number of episodes since we last saw him.

Yep, still hanging out in the Han Solo cosplay room.

And then, because I guess everyone is just hanging out in the same 4 blocks, Mai and Tristan have a heart-to-heart.

In the show, this conversation was Mai (who is now a serial killer) saying “Oh hey, Tristan, where’s Joey?” and Tristan saying “It’s ALL YOUR FAULT he wants to kill Valon--thanks a lot, Mai! GODS!” all indignant like.

Not how you would ordinarily talk to a serial killer, just saying. No one from the Yugi crew fears this woman...at all...and she has killed over 20 people in front of them and is trying very hard to kill Joey Wheeler all the time.

Like what would it actually take for them to fear this woman? They can’t, right?

Meanwhile, Valon is trying to explain to Joey that his obsession with Mai is in fact damaging any relationship they could have had.

So then when you’re like OK...this is actually very valid points on Valon’s part, and Joey really does need to step back and let people make their mistakes considering Joey was barely a part of her life to begin with. But then, Valon just turns a 180 and...it becomes a catty love triangle where only one person in the triangle even feels romantic emotions.

I just...so Valon is doing this fight because he thinks Mai is in love with Joey.

This whole time I was like “well maybe it’s more that Valon is trying to defend Mai’s right to make her own choices” but no...he just straight up thinks Mai is in love with Joey. And, in fighting Joey, Valon himself is ignoring Mai’s life choices

Just a whole lot of misunderstanding that would have been fixed with better ways than dueling with cards. At least that one guy in S2 who tried to marry Mai actually dueled HER instead of some random guy.

It just really feels like these boys are having a pissing contest and Mai was never let in on the deets that this was even happening.

Mai needs to hang out with older men. Set her up with Roland, this is ridiculous.

Back at the RV, which got very, very big in this shot, Seto has an odd convo with Mokuba about how they are probably not going to get Kaiba Corp back. And then no one really argued with him about that.

He’s taking it really well. Maybe because this isn’t even the first time or the second time or even really the third time Seto’s lost everything. Kid’s really freakin great at failure. At least this time Mokuba isn’t currently abducted, which is really good improvement for these two.

Outside the RV, Tristan has decided to...give up as well, just right here, in the middle of traffic. Then he gets Orc’d...these orcs are kind of like Slenderman, in that they kinda...show up...but then that’s all they do because the designers didn’t actually want to animate anything.

And then this happens.

God bless this story boarder for this random series of events presented in just this way.

Also here’s yet another example where Tea just has...no fear. She’s actually only out here because she was like “that’s it, we’re getting another driver” and was going to chew out Duke Devlin. The Orc being in the middle of the road was not the reason she walked out here.

Anyways, Yami killed it because everyone here can just throw cards forever, these things are not threatening.

The subplot of everyone refusing to drive with Duke Devlin after he busted his car in Death Valley is still ongoing, and it’s still low key hilarious that no one will outright say “Duke, your driving is just so bad” and instead, Duke just has to sit there and watch Joey STEAL A MOTORCYCLE just so he won’t have to drive shotgun with Duke Devlin.

Rebecca, our plot-dump device, then informs us that Valon has Special Rules.

Because Valon, if you’ve forgotten, has a card that allows him to physically punch his opponent in the face.

They should have invented that card a long time ago TBH.

SO, lets get into Valons tragic backstory. First off, go turn on your Les Mis Soundtrack, because this is some old school cop stuff.

So apparently Valon, as a child just...stayed in the system forever. We don’t know why yet, but lets just assume that it’s tragic and heavy handed. If he steals a loaf of bread and ends up in 12 Juvies (which is a line from the show and not an exaggeration--12 Juvies) then I will expect him to be singing by the end of this and I will be very disappointed if he does not.

Anyways, he was such an asshole, that he caught the attention of some very illegal rich bastard who was trying to turn prisoners into...card murders. (it was Dartz.) because apparently...Dartz also funds prisons and that is...that is some deep lore.

And so probably about the same time that Yugi was Dueling to the death on Pegasus’ Island, and about the same time that Marik was hanging out in the ocean next to Pegasus’ Island with a pair of binoculars, and about the same time that Noah was underneath Pegasus’ Island just watching Pegasus steal KaibaCorp, Dartz decided to make his OWN murder island--because I guess he got jealous.

Anyway, Valon won, and didn’t even need to set anyone on fire.

Those little green things there--those are all souls of prison inmates.

YUGIOH.

Millennials got DARK, OK? Freakin...we had a show for 9 year olds that went deep into the school-to-prison pipeline and didn’t even try to hide it under any layers of symbolism. Like Hunger Games at least had two people survive.

This was a show to sell PAPER CARDS.

+++++++++++THIS IS A RANT WHERE I WENT OFF ABOUT PRISON TALK IN KID’S SHOWS FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++++++++

Now, there’s a lot of good conversation going on right now about errors in the modern justice system on not just a local scale, but on a global scale, especially regarding racial profiling and criminalization of poor, sick, and young, and we better keep pushing it. But it’s surprising when people pretend like this hasn’t been talked about for a long time. Because...we’ve been talking about it in kids and YA shows for a long time. This is not something that just popped up in 2020.

Like millennials didn’t invent this obsession with dark and gritty stories with uncomfortable themes. It’s been around for thousands of years, but back in the 90′s and 00′s, a lot of shows for YA and younger enjoyed talking about the problems with prisons and abuse of power with our justice systems--a lot. Batman, X-men, Death Note, so so many, hell, even the OC.

And like, don’t get me wrong, we still have these shows running around, but I’ve been there’s been a trend of stories (not saying names) where just...nothing bad happens. And, that’s kind of sad because...they CAN have small elements that are more progressive in them, but only brought forth with a very risk-free cotton candy fluffy coating to make the majority of the population happy.

I could go long about this, and I’m getting very cryptic. If a kid escapes to more colorful worlds where nothing bad ever happens, that’s OK--sometimes you need that, but when nothing bad ever happens surrounding certain experiences where bad things normally happen--the meaning of the story changes because it isn’t a real experience anymore.

Like I don’t want to tangent too much, and I just had to delete a lot of examples, but I know a lot of people want to write stories about misrepresented minorities and about real deal serious situations and are just so afraid of misrepresentation that they go in completely the wrong direction by not putting in anything uncomfortable at all. I think it’s important to look at the work and ask yourself is this about the minority the work should be about--or is this work about patting the majority of the population on the back and saying neat, we’ve achieved utopia without having to even do anything?

...anyway, obvi I’m ranting, but I feel like we’re taking a step backwards when it comes to the importance of kids programming and that we do need to talk to kids about prison again. This is a show about paper cards, and they don’t do a great job at talking about...the reality of prison, this was exaggerated with genre stereotypes, but at least they didn’t cover it with rainbows and unicorns, because this isn’t about how great Joey and the “normal” people are at saving Valon, this is about how society screwed Valon beyond repair, and I am 99% certain we will see this guy’s soul stuffed in a brick above Dartz’ snake fireplace.

Like, yeah he duels to the death on an island, but that’s imagery that is very close to real life prison issues. We don’t talk to kids a lot about how a lot of inmates get enlisted into the military during war times (and quite literally...duel to their death...on islands). We don’t talk about how we use inmates to betray eachother for a chance at maybe getting amnesty. We don’t talk about how a lot of the victims of this system are essentially children, and have been caught in a system of endless prison for what will probably be the rest of their lives. We don’t talk about how we’re systematically turning kids into criminals so much in kid’s shows of late...and Freakin Yugioh just did in a filler season. 

....................I think our standard for modern kids programming to talk about serious issues is way too low if Yugioh just threw this out there in a filler season, is all I’m saying.

++++++++++++++++++END OF PRISON RANT++++++++++++++++++++++

 So, Valon is free but...is he?

Not really, he’s just gone from one jailer to another, but at least this time he gets his own room. Don’t blame him for latching onto Dartz’ dream to end the world, because the world for him has been one behind bars. He doesn’t know it. Never been there.

It’s just interesting juxtaposed to Joey because Joey had some sort of Season Zero history with a gang and I haven’t watched that episode yet.

So that’s it for now, again, I’m very slooow lately. I slept for 3 hours today...and I don’t know why. But hey--we all got through three (four???) months of this...we just gotta go...one month at a time.

That and I accidentally did my taxes early so there’s that. See? Good things still happen.

Also, because I only slightly referenced the most incredible movie ever made on San Fransisco soil, I’ll just leave this here. The true hallmark of our city.

Anyway you know the drill, here’s the link

[commander-yinello]

The Day before Christmas

Tis the season to be late with Christmas falalalalala~ This took a little longer than we anticipated. xD I got the massive honor to team up with the talented @cheebsrtd​ to create a fic with 5 gorgeous pieces of art! ♥‿♥ You will find them in between the story, to see them separately check out @cheebsrtd​ blog! This chatroom has juzen in it (duh) but also a whole bunch of other ships ;) All under the cut because this fic is really long. We hope you enjoy! Merry late Christmas and happy holidays <3333

10:04 - Yoosung★, ZEN, 707, Jaehee Kang, MC, Jumin Han, Saeran, Mary Vanderwood

Jumin Han: Hmm, V is late. Assistant Kang, you were certain he was on his way? Jaehee Kang: You asked me 5 minutes ago Mr. Han ;;; ZEN: Lay off jerkwad! (ಠ_ಠ) ZEN: Can’t believe you’re making her work on Christmas day -.- Jumin Han: That is why I pay her, Zen, you would understand if you weren’t so dramatic. Yoosung★: Aren’t we all working today actually? Mary Vanderwood: If a party can be called work. Yoosung★: It definitely can Jaehee Kang: Agreed... MC: Remember, it’s for a good cause ;;;; 707: Ah a bickering family, it’s truly like Christmas <3 Right Saeran? Saeran: I thought you said you wanted to stay at home buried under Honey Buddha Chips 707: Don’t reveal my secret after-party plans!

- V has entered the chatroom -

ZEN: See, there he is! V: Sorry for being late - had to figure out how to use our own RFA cloud storage V: As requested, I sent everyone a copy of all the pictures I made yesterday. ZEN: Opening my inbox as I type ~_^ V: Thanks for helping me sort them out. Jumin Han: Of course V, we know you’re just as busy as we are. Yoosung★: Wow there are a lot of pictures of the same thing V: Yes, I wanted to capture just the right moment. Jumin Han: Every moment would have been perfect if Elizabeth the 3rd had been there. ZEN: Urgh!!! Not the fleaball! Jumin Han: Elizabeth, get it right. MC: I hope we can find a few good ones to put on the site! Jaehee Kang: I would like to remind everyone the RFA has an image to uphold so nothing odd please. Looking at you Seven. (¬_¬) 707: What in the world do you meannnnnnnnnn Saeran: I’ll keep an eye on him, don’t worry Yoosung★: There are a lot of interesting ones! Yoosung★: I’m at the part where Vanderwood and Zen brought in the tree! ZEN: Man, that thing was heavy af. My beautiful nose nearly fell off from the cold while carrying it T_T Jaehee Kang: I’m still impressed you two managed to bring it in ZEN: Thanks Jaehee! No thanks to trust fund jerk Jumin Han: You never asked my help. ZEN: You could have offered! -.- Yoosung★: Oh, Vanderwood is in this picture! V: Haha, I asked him to pose because we have no photos of our newest member. Mary Vanderwood: Ah, that was embarrassing 707: Eyyyyyyy Mary looking good!~!~!*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: * Mary Vanderwood: Please stop ;;; Yoosung★: Oh right, this will be your first RFA party! Saeran: Don’t worry, you will never get used to the weirdness Mary Vanderwood: Didn’t expect to 707: WAIT HOLD THE PHONE MC: ?

707: ZOOM IN 707: ENHANCE Saeran: Can you not 707: BOOM

Jaehee Kang: Oh MC: OH Saeran: Huh V: Heh ZEN: SHIT Yoosung★: AH I THOUGHT I SAW THAT YESTERDAY Saeran: You did? Why didn’t you tell us? Yoosung★: I thought I was imagining it ;; 707: Awww you guys are so kyuuuuute~ (◕‿◕✿) ZEN: IT ISNT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ASSHOLE Jaehee Kang: So this isn’t Mr. Han giving you a kiss on the nose? ZEN: HE ZEN: WAS JUST ZEN: ... Jumin Han: Zen was complaining about his face burning from the winter chill. Jumin Han: So I was helping him warm up. Mary Vanderwood: With your face? Jumin Han: Well Jumin Han: … ZEN: Oh FML Yoosung★: lol and no reply followed for 2 minutes Saeran: For an actor and a CEO, you both are terrible at lying Saeran: In a chatroom of all places 707: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) V: Come now Zen, we all pretty much knew about you two already. Yoosung★: We did? MC: You did? Jumin Han: V, how did you…? V: I know you two longer than today. ZEN: Seriously? Jaehee Kang: I suspected from the increasing office visits. One can only claim to work for a commercial so many times when there’s no contract on my desk. Jaehee Kang: I respect your privacy Zen, but you are going to need to work on subtlety. You have a public reputation to uphold. Saeran: Yeah I give them two weeks tops before all of Seoul knows MC: Aww have a bit more faith Saeran ;;; Mary Vanderwood: Tbh I’m not shocked. ZEN: What?! At least pretend to be!! Jumin Han: Hm. ZEN: Damn it Jumin, doesn’t it bother you a little bit?! ZEN: All this time acting like I hate you for nothing -.- Jumin Han: Isn’t this better Zen? Everyone is allowed to see that I love you. ZEN: Gah!! MC: Awww!! Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han, calm down!! Yoosung★: Ewww get a room ZEN: I’m blushing and that jerk knows it Jumin Han: (ᵔᴥᵔ) 707: Only blushing? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ZEN: Fuck off into the sun Saeyoung! Saeran: ...let’s go back to the photos 707: But this is fun!!! ZEN: Oh, is it now? ZEN: Because I’ve been scrolling ahead and I found something much more fun~ V: ?? MC: Uh oh MC: Zen, wait ZEN: See, it would be a crime to deprive the world of my beauty ZEN: But someone needs to be taught a lesson in humility Saeran: Is he talking about a selfie?

Jumin Han: Zen, I did not realize my actions would cause you to mess up a photo like this ZEN: No you weirdo, I cropped it on purpose (as much as it hurt to do so). Look at the side! Jaehee Kang: Wait, is that Saeyoung? Saeran: Pfffff Yoosung★: ?? wasn’t there a picture just now? 707: HA 707: NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS 707: GOOD JOKE ZEN Saeran: You know there’s no point in deleting the photo right? Saeran: And I know you - don’t go hacking into everyone’s phone to erase every copy 707: Saeran nooooooooooooo why do you betray me like this T____T Saeran: I’m just being realistic V: You do realize I have back ups on the camera itself. Mary Vanderwood: Did… you get yourself entangled in lights? 707: DAMN IT MARY I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING 707: GO BACK TO YOUR MOP Yoosung★: Ahahaha OMG Saeyoung V: Saeyoung, MC, what happened? MC: Ah ;;;; MC: Well, somehow he got trapped and I cut him free 707: MC is my savior! <3 Jumin Han: You mean he wanted to prank someone, failed, and asked you to cut him down quick so no one would notice 707: That’s grossly wrong and mean of you to assume! Mary Vanderwood: Something tells me Jumin’s right. ZEN: Too bad for you I’m fantastic with the camera and picking up on your shit 707: Aaargh, go back to hating each other! 707: All versus one is not fair!! MC: Sorry Saeyoung, I wasn’t fast enough x.x Mary Vanderwood: Payback is an inappropriate 5-letter word Yoosung★: Get rekt bro 707: ;__; Yoosung★: Who was the prank for anyway? V: Whoever would fall for it I guess. Saeran: in other words, Yoosung Yoosung★: Me????? (!!˚☐˚) Saeran: Saeyoung, this wouldn’t have happened if I helped 707: Good point! Next one we can do together! Saeran: ^_^ ZEN: wait what next one Saeran: Just not Yoosung, he deserves a break Yoosung★: Saeran T_T <3 thank youuuuu ZEN: what next one???? Jaehee Kang: Can we please get back to the normal photos =.= Jumin Han: Yoosung, you do often fall for his obvious pranks Yoosung★: Oh come onnnnn Yoosung★: Lately I’ve been doing better Jumin Han: Lately Saeyoung’s been pranking you less Yoosung★: ;_; You guys are mean V: For what it’s worth, I believe you Yoosung Jaehee Kang: And really Saeyoung, you’re too old to keep doing this 707: Don’t tell me what to do mom! Jaehee Kang: M-mom?? Mary Vanderwood: Does that mean V is dad? Yoosung★: Wait, what??? (!!!!˚☐˚) Jaehee Kang: Excuse me?? ZEN: Vanderwood, what...

Mary Vanderwood: I’m talking about this. Yoosung★: Hey that’s me! Yoosung★: I remember this -.- Jaehee and V wouldn’t leave me alone because I spilled some mustard ZEN: Oh so that’s what Vanderwood meant ZEN: For a moment I thought he had gone mad ZEN: Wait. Did Vanderwood just make a joke? Mary Vanderwood: I do have a sense of humor, even if Saeyoung denies it. Saeran: Well you are kinda my brother’s mom sometimes Mary Vanderwood: Hey! Jaehee Kang: Am… Am I a mom? V: I was only trying to help. I’m sorry if that upset you, Yoosung. Yoosung★: To be honest, it didn’t upset me *that* much Yoosung★: I just don’t like the insinuation that I’m a kid >.< V: Of course not V: And Jaehee - you’re more a friend to all in the RFA. MC: V speaks the truth! You truly are the best Jaehee! <3 Jaehee Kang: Ah, that’s kinds of you V,  and MC, th-thank you (〃∀〃)ゞ 707: What are you all talking about? All I see is an adorable brother who got wrongfully cut off! <3 Saeran: … Saeyoung, stop… MC: So cute ZEN: No guesses who took the photo Jumin Han: V, please warn me if you plan to marry my assistant or future intern so I can plan ahead. Jaehee Kang: what V: what ZEN: OMG Jumin what. the. Hell. Yoosung★: WHAT?! Intenr!?? ZEN: Oi, typos Saeran: Really, that’s the thing that bothers you more? 707: BWAHAHAHA 707: I’m cackling Jumin out-trolled everyone Mary Vanderwood: And now things just got too weird Mary Vanderwood: I have regrets Jaehee Kang: You’ll never get used to it. ZEN: Jumin, I told you, your humor is too weird 707: Admit it Zen, you laughed 707: Jumin, did Zen laugh? ZEN: What makes you think I’m with him right now? Jumin Han: Why does everyone think I’m joking? Jumin Han: And he did ZEN: Jumin!!! V: Haha Jaehee Kang: Saeyoung, at this rate Zen is going to try to find more embarrassing photos of you to take revenge 707: Too bad, I’ve become immune now! 707: Bring on the embarrassing photos! Wanna see me in a virgin killing sweater? MC: OMG YES ♥‿♥ Yoosung★: Aaaah not here! Mary Vanderwood: See this is why no one takes you seriously. Saeran: Bro no please ಠ╭╮ಠ 707: ~(˘▾˘~) ZEN: Riiiiight, I’m going to ignore that and carry on Yoosung★: Also I don’t have time to be an intern, I’m studying to be a vet! Hmpf! 707: Study hard Yoosungie, you’ll escape Jumin’s clutches for sure!! Yoosung★: Thank you Saeyoung… I think Jumin Han: It’s an opportunity, not a requirement. ZEN: What Jumin means is that Yoosung can choose to take it, but he doesn't have to MC: This is the first time you’ve defended Jumin, Zen ZEN: It’s weird, I admit 707: Aaaand I’ve seen them all! Good job V and co~ V: Already? 707: I can easily multitask /╲/\╭( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )╮/\╱\ ZEN: V, it’s so hard to choose - I want all of them with my beautiful visage in it! Jumin Han: Same. Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han, we really need to have a meeting to discuss subtlety… Yoosung★: I’ve always been bad in multiple choice Mary Vanderwood: I’m not really sure how valuable my opinion is seeing I don’t know what image the RFA seeks to put up V: You used to be a professional bodyguard, right? I’m sure you know what feels right. Mary Vanderwood: Bodyguard? V: That’s what Saeran and Saeyoung told me? Mary Vanderwood: Oh, right. Yes. Yes, I used to be. Saeran: And now he’s a security guard. Jumin Han: That’s an odd response, Vanderwood. 707: Of course 707: he wasn’t a bodyguard 707: He was my maid (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: * lololololol Mary Vanderwood: The worst part is I can’t even deny it. Jaehee Kang: I can relate Yoosung★: Oh I accidentally made a photo as well Yoosung★: V, remember when you asked me to switch off your camera just before we all left to go home? V: Yes?

Yoosung★: I can’t believe Saeyoung missed this hehe Jaehee Kang: Vanderwood? Jumin Han: Saeran? 707: OMG Mary Vanderwood: What? It isn’t what it looks like! ZEN: Isn’t that literally what I said earlier? 707: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU TWO WERE DATINGGGG Mary Vanderwood: ajkdjkhkjs we’re not!! MC: Then what were you doing? Mary Vanderwood: He was only wearing a skimpy jacket! If he were to walk out into the snowfall, he’d catch a horrible cold. Mary Vanderwood: So I gave him my scarf. V: I thought it was odd he had a leopard-printed scarf out of nowhere ZEN: That *is* rather romantic, Vandy Mary Vanderwood: It is? Jumin Han: Even I knew this. Saeran: I simply forgot my winter coat. But I liked it, it was warm Saeran: I’ll give it back to you at the party Vanderwood Mary Vanderwood: You… can keep it if you want. Saeran: Ah… thanks MC: This is so adorable I’m dying 707: Hehehe I know Mary’s blushing like crazy 707: You two have my blessing (◕‿◕✿) Yoosung★: And mine too! (⌒▽⌒) Mary Vanderwood: >.< The fact that I’m communicating here instead of real life because the twins are up to God knows what is bad enough Mary Vanderwood: I’m not Zen, stop prying into my private affairs. ZEN: Hey! But touché Jaehee Kang: This is a mess, we haven’t even selected our favorites yet. ZEN: If it wasn’t for Saeyoung, we would have - damn trickster! 707: The camera was the one who caught it all, someone else would have pointed it out anyway~! Jumin Han: Some people have the decency to do that discreet. Yoosung★: Well I don’t blame Saeyoung or the camera, you all are easily riled up Saeran: Yoosung, so are you! MC: Is it really that bad though? Who cares if we know of current and/or upcoming relationships MC: Let’s all focus now V: I’m sorry for causing such chaos, but I did find one picture that I thought was the best.

Jaehee Kang: Oh yes, the group picture! ♥‿♥ MC: Aaaah look at all of us! ZEN: Ah I’m radiant as always~ Mary Vanderwood: Posing twice for a photo in a day, what is this life Saeran: Welcome to the RFA. Yoosung★: We hope you will enjoy your stay! 707: And if you are in trouble you can call us night and day! ~_^ Jaehee Kang: Rhyming? V: Heh, they have impeccable timing. MC: Pfff you guys. This is definitely one to put on the site ZEN: Agreed! And if you think that was good, wait till you hear me sing! Yoosung★: How often have you sung for Jumin already? Jumin Han: Plenty. ZEN: Why are you so dreadfully honest?! Jaehee Kang: I give up. Saeran: Two weeks was too generous MC: Knowing you Saeran, you wouldn’t even hide two minutes Saeran: Of course not, I’ve wasted too much time to hide now Jumin Han: I’ll be off, time to get ready for tonight’s party. 707: Tonight will definitely be interesting Mary Vanderwood: Why does that worry me when you say that? V: ^_^ With you guys, it will be awesome. Jaehee Kang: Until tonight!

- V has left the chatroom - - Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom - - ZEN has left the chatroom - - Jumin Han has left the chatroom - - 707 has left the chatroom - - Yoosung★ has left the chatroom - - MC has left the chatroom -

Saeran: Wait, I wanted to say Saeran: … Saeran: Ah well, it doesn’t matter, we’ll see each other soon Saeran: ...Thank you all for your support <3 Saeran: Merry Christmas!

- Saeran has left the chatroom -

Mary Vanderwood: And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, happy holidays~

This conversation will be archived in the RFA records.

[deadmow]

FML

lmao i told y’all i’d be back

~2500 words

some nights, joel’s mind wanders and he can’t stop it. nights like this. it’s 2014 and it’s dark in toronto. and he’s thinking about sonny.

he can’t help himself. earlier today he took sonny and dillon on a coffee run in the new ‘rari. he hadn’t seen sonny in months, years, however long it really was; it felt like forever. before they picked him up from his hotel dillon had asked joel if he was excited to see sonny. he said it in this voice like he knew something that he couldn’t say out loud. almost like he was teasing joel. all he could think was what the fuck does this kid know?

when he gets home he gets to work on the video straightaway. he watches the footage in a haze, with his eyes hanging on to sonny’s every move. he almost can’t finish editing because he’s so out of it. ok, yeah, he was excited to see sonny, but it was completely innocent! it’s nothing but innocent these days. or at least it’s supposed to be, fucking dillon-- why’d he have to make it weird?

he watches the footage roll on his computer monitor. in the video, joel hits the accelerator to show off for his friends. dillon and sonny both cheer! or at least he sees that now-- in the moment he was only hearing sonny’s reaction. he can’t lie to himself-- it was all he was listening for in that moment. when joel hits the gas sonny lets out this brilliant gasp, he laughs with joy, and his hair flies around like wild from the back seat of the drop-top. watching it over again makes joel wince. but it’s not really like he needed to see it over again: joel watched it in the rearview mirror as it happened, and sonny’s sweet exclamation stuck in his head for the rest of the ride-- playing over and over again until joel just couldn’t stand it.

god, that kid is adorable. he’s just as sweet as he was in 2010 when joel met him. that’s not all, though. joel bites his lip thinking about the line of thought he’s about to go down. he knows it well and he warns himself not to do this to himself. it’s pointless and he knows that, too, so he leans back in his desk chair and lets it happen.

sonny and joel both had drinking problems, back when they ran the same circuits. it was just a coincidence-- a sign of the times, maybe. joel has since sobered up (mostly), but maybe sonny hasn’t. he doesn’t know. 2011, 2012-- a different story. there they’d be, both stuck in some loud, crowded place for the weekend, full of idiots rolling so hard their eyes are bulging out of their skulls and bad music and people joel avoids like the plague. and sonny would be there, sloppy drunk, and if joel wasn’t already drunk, too he’d really need to be now.

in 2010 when they met, joel knew skrillex was going to blow up. he knows talent. he knew it from the first 30 seconds of scary monsters and nice sprites.

but when he met sonny-- the real person sonny, not skrillex --he almost couldn’t control himself. sonny was-- is-- just so fucking sweet. the way he’d approach joel in a crowd and hug him and somehow manage to pull joel out of his own thoughts and into some genuine conversation. it was too much. the way he would dance so wildly, on stage and off, too, so full of energy, and the way he would bawl at every little thing. the way joel could make sonny laugh so hard he’d be in tears-- it was too easy. sonny charmed joel so quickly that joel didn’t even try to stop it from happening, and the worst part was that everyone around them could tell.

joel made up a nickname for sonny, even, and at that point any discretion he was trying to show went out the window. his little goblin. it was easy to play off in theory, but no matter how handsy sonny was with his other friends and no matter how obviously drunk either of them was it was plain just how badly joel wanted him.

here is the part where joel usually tries so hard to stop himself. this is the point of no return. sometimes he starts at this point. sometimes he’s already in the middle of jerking off-- watching porn, thinking about nothing --and suddenly he’s thinking about sonny’s fingers in his mouth and running rough hands through the kid’s dirty hair and sonny begging for it harder, please, fuck, fuck, joel--! and suddenly his orgasm hits him-- so good so fucking good-- and he’s clawing at his own skin and swearing as he listens to his heart in his ears, slowly returning to a normal pace.

it’s true what everyone was thinking. it got to the point where they were calling each other across oceans and time zones to listen to each other breathe. every time they were together joel couldn’t stop smiling. he was so much easier than usual around sonny-- less on edge, laughing hysterically at the littlest things.

joel groans. he replays that moment in the coffee run footage where sonny jumps out of his skin. sonny’s so… sensitive, joel thinks. for how touchy-feely sonny is he sure is a jumpy guy. so easily startled. so easy to tease.

joel can’t help the hitch in his breath as he begins to remember the way sonny’s lips felt when they used to kiss, the way he’d gasp at the first contact. they’d kiss so much, more than joel kissed his girlfriends sometimes. he’d seem to tower over the kid but he’d jump at any chance to lean down and reciprocate all that unrelenting sugary-sweet affection sonny piled on joel like it was his life’s fucking work. sonny liked him, he really liked him! it made joel’s heart skip a little.

he remembers sonny’s text messages:

‘imiss u leoj’

‘r u in town?’

‘i wanna see uu’

‘can u come meet me??’

joel’s pulse is picking up a little. all these thoughts swimming around-- he can’t finish this video tonight. fuck no. he gets up to lie down in bed. he knows he’s not gonna fall asleep but he knows he can’t stay in the studio right now.

he’s alone in bed, mind still racing, still thinking-- he feels a little warm. he pulls off his clothes to get ready for bed.

joel closes his eyes. he still wants sonny sometimes-- even to this day. the kid entrances him, always has. he turns joel on so much. he couldn’t count on his fingers the times he’d dragged sonny away from a crowd of friends in some public place and into his parked car, a bathroom or some dark and secluded corridor, just so he could put his hands on him.

he still wants sonny now. that’s really the sad part. to this day whenever his friends talk about sonny to joel they do it in this teasing way, just like the way dillon had. joel had never talked about it, really, to anyone, but did he even have to? he runs his shaking hands over his head. ok, he’s getting too worked up now-- just like he thought he would. what will his sadistic conscious use against him tonight?

god, he thinks, if he had sonny here right now he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. what a gorgeous creature sonny is. maybe he’d be laughing or telling some hyperactive anecdote that goes nowhere (it’d make joel smile anyway) but joel would be slipping his hands under sonny’s black shirt to feel the skin of his chest and stomach, sliding his own long fingers just underneath the low waistband of sonny’s tight skinny jeans, so fucking tight. he’d be letting himself be suffocated under the sweetest open-mouthed kisses and letting sonny crawl all over him like a kitten.

he wants to see him naked again. sonny’s got an ass like a girl and these soft, gentle shoulders and the most gorgeous, sweet, thick, creamy thighs. his hips were always so fleshy and joel would just grab them, savoring the feeling. joel moans.

they used to play this game-- back when they did things like that. the game was to see the craziest spot they could hook up in. sonny loved it. he would giggle so much sometimes that joel would have to cover the kid’s mouth with a free hand.

joel slides a hand over the growing tent in his underwear. he isn’t sure he wants to do this-- why can’t he let sonny go?-- but he’s come this far. he rubs his cock through the fabric and shuts his eyes hard so he can think.

the last time he and sonny had really hooked up was almost 2 years ago. that was the first, maybe, time that sonny had absolutely fucking taken joel. he was coming into his own, he’s skrillex for fuck’s sake, and though he was and is and will always be the same kid who would drop everything to be at fucking disney world at any given moment, he was like, this big shot now, too, joel guesses. he’d probably had a lot of raver girls at ultra by then and he even heard sonny had fucked kavinsky of all people. 

that time, sonny had breathed into his mouth, ‘do you want me to fuck you?’ and joel felt it in his gut, felt all the oxygen escape the room. ‘fuck yes’ he told sonny, ‘do you even have to fucking ask?’

sonny had bent joel over a table or a counter-- joel can’t remember now --and used this force joel had never felt before. he was propped up on his elbows and burying his head in the space there and cursing, ‘fuck, oh my god, sonny--’ almost whimpering, with sonny using his, apparently, huge arms to hold joel down and flush against the table. sonny curled his own body to be pressed against joel’s back. he figured sonny probably wanted to say some filthy things into joel’s ear as he fucked him but sonny, being sonny, was using all of his energy just doing what he was doing, so he just softly moaned and panted, hot, in joel’s ear. joel reached up to hold one of sonny’s hands and they both squeezed hard, harder as they got closer and closer. (joel swears he almost came when their fingers touched.)

but that was just the last time they had sex sex, if that’s a distinction you could make. that was a long time ago. they’ve seen each other a handful of times since then.  joel searches his mind for the true last time he’d hooked up with skrillex as he slowly starts to stroke himself in earnest.

it was about a year ago. maybe less than that. joel’s mind is blanking on the details right now. he squirms in the bed as the memory comes to him. he’s shaking a little, and something feels wrong in his chest. he remembers sonny being uncharacteristically sober. they were together at… joel’s house? a hotel room? whatever, he can’t remember. he wants this to get over with now, please, god, before it starts getting fucking depressing.

sonny had dropped to his knees in front of joel-- he feels like it was somewhere public, because when was it not? --and peeled away joel’s pants with so much perfect precision and grace that joel just had to laugh. the kid’s insane. but joel remembers how much he was shaking just watching sonny before him like that and it humbles him a little, the embarrassment at the memory. this is no time to revel. pathetic. just get yourself off, zimmerman.

he’d seen sonny on his knees like this a million times but this time felt like the first time. they hadn’t been on the best terms the last few months. they were hardly speaking. there was a strange kind of light in sonny’s eyes when he looked up at joel through his eyelashes. his glasses were pushed up on top of his head and out of the way. (joel pauses the memory, starting to stroke a little faster, breathe a little heavier.) the love that had always been there was still there, it was just so much further away-- fuck, fuck, he’s breathing out of control now. he squeezes the base of his cock and takes a second to steady himself.

sonny takes joel’s dick (already hard and leaking) into his mouth and he can’t control the shocked sound that his mouth makes, and a hand flies up to shove fingers between teeth because you’re gonna melt, joel. nobody unravels him like this.

sonny takes it all in his mouth, all the way to the base, nose meeting joel’s body. sonny’s moaning like a whore as he bobs up and down, mouth so wet he’s drooling. joel’s almost drooling too, fuck--

he’s so close. he’s bucking into his own hand at irregular intervals and biting hard on his knuckles. he might have a fucking panic attack if he doesn’t--

joel’s fingers are shaking, watching sonny suck his dick. they’re pulling gently on sonny’s hair. he’s watching how easily sonny takes his cock down his throat, wonders could he fuck sonny’s face-- could he take it? when did sonny learn how to deep throat like this, anyway? he didn’t use to do this. when did-- when did that happen? who taught him? his legs are still shaking.

‘s-sonny, shit--’

his mind is short-circuiting mulling over the details. did someone teach him to do that in the time they’d been apart? who did sonny belong to now? does joel-- does joel wish it was still him? was it ever him?

in the memory, joel moans, ‘sonny, i’m--’

and in his bed in toronto he’s so close, so close, he’s gonna cum, oh my god--

sonny says, ‘i love you so much joel--’ and joel’s eyes start to roll back in his head and wait a minute, did he just make that part up or did sonny really-- oh god, he’s coming down sonny’s throat--

“oh my god, fuck--!” joel bites his knuckle even harder and he breaks the skin a little this time. fuck, he’s coming, shit-- he’s trembling, coming all over his hand and his stomach. fuck.

he collects himself after a minute and begins the process of pushing sonny out of his mind again. he examines the hand that he bit and it’s bleeding more than he thought. that’s gonna leave a scar, he thinks. he gets up to take a shower.