#anyway yeah. i know the person I'm talking to isnt reading this. so for everyone who IS here. i need you to know

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

[discodummy]

I'm gonna rant about my body image issues and dysmorphia for a second so watch out. I'll put it under a read more if i can figure out how

slay i think i did it. anyway, going to the gym as much as i have and getting into shape and stuff has been lovely, dont get me wrong, but it also makes some things very strange for me. Like, I was raised by a an who had a manual job and was a bodybuilder in his 20's. My perspective of what a "dad bod" was was SO skewed by my dad that i though it meant a buff guy who puffs his chest out when he stands stil to look bigger. My older brother (by three years) was chubby in middle school and then did swimming and lacrosse and had an insane dorito shaped body by 17 and still has it now. I was 6'3 when i started high school and i looked like a lollipop: just a big head on a tiny body. And i stayed that way all through high school. I assumed that getting beefy and filling out like my dad and brother did just want going to happen for me. I spent all of my early and mid 20's weighing like 145 (150 on a good day) and having to buy 28x34's for pants and medium shirts. The pandemic happened and i started working from home and after a few years i was about 210 or so. I stayed around that weight for bit and assumed it was my adult weight and what my body liked and spent over a year coming to terms with it. wel NOW after going to the gym and eating better for the last 10 months, im down to a toned 180 and im all sorts of jumbled up. I hit my shoulders on doorframes bc even though i measured and know my shoulders got at least 4 inches broader, i still dont believe it or feel it. My mediums got too tight, and my XL's from being 210 fit my shoulders and chest but hang off of me. Like im surrounded by evidence of the shape my body is in now, and i can see in the mirror how i look, i just dont think its clicking for me. I'm right about 6'4 and until the last year or so i wouold just say i was "medium tall" bc i didnt think i was TALL tall, just tallER. Like thats how deep this weird disconnect from the objective truths of my body goes. And now im at the point where people compliment my arms or chest or butt or something and i cant shake the nagging feeling that its just flattery and they dont mean it and isnt true. Someone said my arms were big and i was like "i mean theyre long, but i wouldnt say big" and it took me seeing several people with smaller arms over the course of a while for me to be like "oh yeah i guess so". Like, i always felt like the most average and unremarkable of my family and thats SUPER bleeding into things now. Maybe i dont think i can be extraordinary or above average or something?? All i know is im CLEARLY not seeing what everyone else is, and poeple are getting frustrated with me about it and taking it as me being fake-humble or just plain oblivious. And i feel insane talking about it bc one of my friends says it makes him feel awful to see someone who "looks like me" doubt myself so much, because that means that HE must be so much worse then. I also know that a 6'4 in shape white guy having body image issues isnt exactly the easiest thing to sympathize or empathize with, but it sucks that I feel like i cant really talk about it with anyone bc it just gets too personally hard for anyone to go in depth about. Its like my issues are too triggering for others and i just need to get a grip or something. IDK, i just needed to vent about this bc i dont know what else to do. if you read all of this, let me know what you think or something lol

[vorecommunitywoes]

Slowly began to read your blog, and I have to admit. I'm starting to realize your right. I have been gr--med by a vore lover before, and Yeah. You literally can not stop Vore from being a kink or a fetish. It's literally impossible. The name itself is sexual and no matter how hard you try to seperate it, in the end its just something adults made and that children clearly should have NEVER been near before.

I am sorry you've had to witness the immaturity of the community, and I'm so sorry you're getting harassed over this. I wish you so many good things, and I'm sorry.

oh my god yeah i am so sorry youve been exploited before, no one ever fucking deserves that. if no one has told u already it is not ur fault, it was entirely on the other person who did that to u.

on the other points, i do want to point out that u can like vore in a completely nonsexual way, just that it isnt something u should trust an adult with if u are a child. if u have groups of peers around ur age that u can talk to about vore with, sexual or nonsexual, that are private groups, those are safer spaces to explore vore. and if u feel uncomfortable in those groups, u should absolutely 100% also leave and make sure u dont give ppl ur personal information

there is nothing that u need to apologize for, i think a lot of ppl here are willfully misinformed and that talking ab this "politely" is not going to bring any change to how ppl approach nonsexual kinks. that under the surface there r a LOT of bad actors and that u cant just trust anyone who puts up a cuddley soft safe facade where they want to be intimate with u or other children. vore/EAT/swwh is an INTIMATE concept. it doesnt have to b sexual at all, but its a form of power play where u dominate someone else with ur body, which can very quickly turn into unsafe situations.

its not bad or shameful to be into things like this, whether its just a nonsexual interest or if its a sexual fetish. just if u are a child u have to realize this is a different nuance than being into like geology or dinosaurs n stuff because of the intimacy, and that its going to b more safe for you to explore this without the world watching u until ur an adult. its hard to realize how many people see ur stuff since not everyone who does will comment on it. and u dont know if the wider world will see ur work, repost it, make sexual comments about it, and there is much less u can do about that than if u were to post this in a much more private setting where u have more control over WHO sees ur work. (when i was a kid my vore art was reposted onto other websites too for ppl to use as fetish rp characters... it felt horrible and violating and i wish i only put it in private groups so its not out there like that)

i wish u good things too, and to take a break from the internet for a bit if u need. if u have any other peers ur age that have private groups to talk about this sort of thing with (and if they have separate categories for nsx and kink areas (again no adults. i just know how the internet is and the safest way for a minor to explore ANY sexual interests (since they will tend to anyway) is with ppl around their age, NOT adults.)), maybe u could ask to join or make one. just, again, be careful and take care of urself, ok?

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hey Reid, really random question, but what do you discuss in office hours generally?

For context, I'm a new undergrad student (on a joint English, drama, and creative studies course, I know this isnt your department but it's not too relevant) and we've been sent forms to fill in about what we want to discuss with our personal tutor in our first meeting with them. I have no idea what you're supposed to talk about in these sessions and as the semester's only just started we're not yet doing assessments, coursework or big projects at all. Plus, as a joint honours student I don't know whether I can talk about my other subject well with her or not as she's only from one subject's department.

The only thing I was thinking I could talk about would be the fact that it's become clear already that my passion in the subjects is completely different to everyone else's on my course (there's only about a dozen of us in the classes for one of my departments) and I guess that leaves me a little directionless so maybe something about careers to do with that but I feel like it's such early doors to start discussing careers.

Anyway yeah, as someone who has already been there and who I believe is now doing it too (if wrong, sorry!) do you have any general recommendations of what students can talk about in office hours with their personal tutors or other teachers? Thank you!

Psst, I'm going to tell you a secret: the vast majority of students do not actually come to office hours. Even though they should! It literally cannot hurt! And coming to office hours is a great opportunity to build rapport with your instructor/TA and get academic help! But out of the approximately 300 student's I've had, I've met with maybe 10 of them.

I say this not to be cynical, but to drive home the point that you are winning by just showing up. You don't have to come with a list of perfectly prepared questions—you're a student, and you are, by definition, learning! Do the readings and assignments, and engage with your instructor.

Now, I'm not sure how your program works, and you say tutor rather than TA, so the etiquette might be a little different. A tutor is there to help you academically, while a TA is there to answer some questions, but by and large you are expected to be in charge of your own learning experience.

As a TA, I'm generally happy to meet with students by appointment, but I also really appreciate it when students are able to understand that I am 1) a human being with a finite amount of time and energy, and 2) my job is to support you but not hold your hand. Your section may not be the only one your TA is responsible for, and they also have their own studies to attend to.

Here are some things that are appropriate to ask from your TA:

To look over a paper draft and offer feedback (provided this is something they have offered to do as part of their job)

Request feedback on an assignment after your grade to know what you could do better next time

Schedule a meeting to discuss topics you are struggling with

And some things that are not appropriate to ask your TA:

Questions where the answers can be found on the syllabus (due dates, percentage of grades for certain assignments, the readings for a given week)

When will I get my grade? (See my above point about being only human. If assignments have been turned in, assume your TA is working on getting them back to you, and that they cannot do so immediately. Give it at least two weeks before checking in)

Asking for a particular grade on an assignment

As for your first meeting with your tutor/instructor/TA, I'll reiterate: just show up! Introduce yourself, say hi, and don't feel too much pressure to hit the ground running.

Here are some posts I've made that you might find relevant:

Tips to make your professors love you

Student conduct

Citation how-to

Thank your professors

Take a deep breath. I sense that you might be someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect. Nobody else is expecting that from you. You're learning, and it's okay to be unsure and make mistakes! Trust in yourself to do your best in the moment; that's all you can do.

-Reid

[cryoriku]

hey you know it's really awesome and cool when ur a grown adult and after getting in a fight with ur mother who still insists on disrespecting and mocking you at any chance, ur adoptive father who has only ever been a source of fear since you were very little calls and instead of screaming at you he's very level and is legitimately concerned about my mental state.

some of his takes are still very shitty. even tho i routinely try the pacifist approach with her she can't stop mocking me and disregarding my boundaries and he acknowledges how aggressive she can be, he still puts the burden on me to be better and suck it up for the sake of maintaining a relationship (which is bs. both sides need to work or i shouldnt have to put up with it after all the abuse i dealt with as a child). and he thinks i need to just get back on meds which is such a backwards stereotype way of thinking that isnt accurate bc i stopped my last new meds bc they didnt really do much for me and gave me bad side effects.

it makes me feel like shit and embarassed now for being depressed and like all the efforts i have been making on getting out of my apartment more often and eating healthier and stuff arent being seen and just the worst of me is. it sucks too bc our mental health took a new redive after one of our ex's told us how we seem to not want to get better. which is an insanely fucked up thing to say and not worth listening to so we have tried to just ignore it but it haunts us still along with toxic ex friends whove talked about how pathetic and disgusting we are for being mentally/emotionally weak. which is wrong and bullshit and hirrible and WE HAVE gotten better before we want to be better again we're sick of living in a rollercoaster we want to be ourselves again 100% of the time and not just some of it, but believe it or not it's hard to keep your head above water much less swim to shore when people are constantly shoving you back down and wondering why youre not succeeding in breathing. dont you see how hard I'm trying?

plus with our dad it just gives us a fucked up moral dilemma of ik how estranged and distant his family is like theyre allergic to showing courtesy or affection and he was raised to be a good mannered cowboy and just sit and take when his mother does him wrong because it's family and he doesn't wanna lose it, so the same is true here, but I've already had it in my head for years that at some point i may have to cut ties. I'm just fucking caught. I'm trapped by the good moments we have, the good aspects of my parents and my sister. I'm caught by the fact my dad doesnt have a close family and everybody in my moms family has that same genetic ego that makes everyone think theyre better than everyone else or made them isolate and hide and die from drug overdoses alone in their bathroom. I'm caught by my baby niece who i don't want to leave alone with these people. I'm caught by my dog and grandma, until they pass, anyway. I'm caught by the stupid child in me who still *craves* a mother, *craves* a father, craves this idea of a family i never really had except in blurry photos if you dont look too close.

any fucking ways..... if anybody is able to get a therapist who can actually help me and not waste a year of my time trying to put me on drugs because they dont know how to do shit with systems and trauma to actually email me back, that would be epic.

i also want everyone reading this to stop seeing people as only their struggles or their trauma or their disability and start seeing them as PEOPLE with personalities and likes and interests first. believe it or not we don't think about our trauma or hardship a lot of the fucking time and it's real weird and a total fuckin bummer if thats all you seem to see. so, yeah.

have a happy sexy naughty bitchy sephiroth labor day guys

[strangerstilinski]

You may have received this message 3x because I typed it out the first time and RIP computer crashed then the second I clicked send and by God Tumblr crashed and so if it crashes a 3rd time you will never see this message but maybe you have it in your inbox like a bazillion times.

Basically the first part is yea I get small towns but a lot of the urban legend and crimes weren't talked about openly because a lot of churches in small towns Indiana. Also because people were superstitious as fuck and like there's a lot of Masons near my small town Indiana so you didn't want to say anything that could somehow be related to them...

Anyways more lore and infodump about Indiana because I already said some things and now my brain is itching to tell more: which also the majority of these was read in a book when I was a preteen about weird and creepy things in Indiana (and again this is the 3rd time trying to send this message so things aren't in the same order)

There's The Fox Hollow Farm murders about another SK like Eyler. I have seen podcasts do an ep on this but briefly listened and never finished.

Claypool murders. It was a hotel and in 1940s a woman got murdered never found the killer. Another woman got murdered in the 1950s, but they did find their murderer. Place may or may not have been haunted but it is torn down today. I've heard this one on a podcast somewhere idk where...

The ghost Diana at the Dunes. Dont ask me the lore because my family had more interesting urban legend. Because its common for people to go missing or fall into the dunes, well my dad told me the rumor he heard was that the dunes moved creating air pockets- but WHY did they move? And some people who "fell" into these air pockets said it felt like something grabbed them...there's something living in the dunes that causes the sand to shift.

There's 100 steps cemetery i think in southwest Indiana. There are so many different legends the one I remember is you have to count each step, or you'll die in so many days. But also you'll see a premonition of your death?

Vincennes is just a haunted town, everyone i know who isnt local who has gone there has seen or heard something especially on some of those bridges.

There's catacombs under Indy that may or may not be haunted.

Bigfoot. So many stories and legends about Bigfoot in the state park. Speaking of state parks, one is called Shades state park. I went one time because I had a goal to hit as many different state parks in Indiana...never again because there were ladders you had to climb. But it was called Shades of Death in like the 70s or 80s because of people going missing.

There's some small town that had a Wolfman. He like defected from a war or something and then got adopted by a pack of wolves and lost his humanity and became like them. I only remember reading this one because the townsfolk turned on him and locked him in the cave by blowing up the exits and left him to die and I thought that was horrific because I'm terrified of caves.

Which there is the Indiana caverns. Thats its own thing snd there are rumors im sure

One of the bigger cities near me has a lot where a murder took place and the house was insanely haunted. Like every person who lived there after saw things and went insane or got killed there. They tore the house down and rebuilt on that lot and it continued to happen. Now its just an empty lot.

Mermaids. Don't ask me how or why a landlocked state has mermaids in the few ponds and lakes it has. I say mermaids loosely because yeah there's the river creature sea serpent loch ness monster type of creature in one of the lakes but there is also the mermaids as the town called it that were a mix between actual mythology of Selkies and Sirens.

Also there's supposedly a turtle cryptid somewhere in Indiana and I just think that's funny compared to the rest

this was wild from start to finish 🤯 thank you endlessly for fighting tumblr by sending this in a third time, because this was the only version of this message that i received and i am soooo grateful (i was not joking when i said i wanted to search for creepy podcasts hehehehe)

also u easily saved the best for last bc a turtle cryptid???

[neodreamcinema]

not reblogging it myself, i dont have the spoons to deal w it, but op literally goes on in a reblog that they "know this because theyve talked to disabled people!" which reads to me as "i'm not disabled and am not using it as a helpful tool myself, but i'm going to speak for them anyways instead of boosting their actual posts and opinions about it", which makes me raise an eyebrow

obviously theres a chance im misunderstanding things here, in which case ill own up to it, but. as a disabled person, dont use us as a scapegoat to try to justify AI image generation as "accessible art" bc thats really not a great look

the notes and replies are all saying "yeah you guys are just reactionaries who are misunderstanding how AI training and dataset works its not ACTUALLY stealing, you see the word AI and start frothing at the mouth" and like. genuinely. if thats the case. then please explain it instead of just saying "you people dont understand". educate me. i love to learn and i will gladly listen.

like, i understand that art is not accessible to everyone. and i think the original screenshotted post, while likely unintentionally, fails to consider this. as many posts that blow up on tumblr do. but i also dont think AI is, in any way shape or form, an ethical solution in its current state. and especially NOT with the current climate re: companies trying to replace artists, writers, and voice actors with AI

also "style-biting" or copying/tracing/whatever someones style =/= AI literally being trained to replicate peoples art without consent, and is a much LESS common phenomenon among actual human artists. like. its happening on so much of a smaller scale there, and it still sucks, but this isnt the sound argument this person thinks it is, and you should really just. yknow. let disabled ppl speak for themselves + just boost their voices if theyre really saying these things.

[babelrevived]

"The show wasn’t about classism or a colonial divide it was about magic" first of all, those things are not mutually exclusive. Second of all, if you really watched that first season and thought "yeah this has got nothing todo with classism, this is just aaallllllll about magic :D" then... idk what to tell you girl lmao. You also keep mentioning league and leaague fans and i just gotta say that i dont give a single fuckwhat league fans think lmaoooooo (????). I watched the show because it was popular (and, admittedly, because my friend had compared Silco to Sayyed Hasan Nasrallah lmao). I didn't know shit about league of legends and i dstill dont care about it. Again, you can ignore all the (glaringly obvious) themes of oppression present in the show and focus on the magic if you want. I dont give a shit. The point of art is that everyone can have different interpretations of it, and all those interpretations are valid. Again, my post was directed to those who see the show through the same lens that I do, that's why I tagged it Anti Mel Medarda. I do suggest you block that tag if it pisses you off so much. I actually agree with your point about Silco not building a community, and actually i have already talked about that in the very first post i made on this blog. It still doesn't change the fact that he and Sevika are the only anti-colonialists on the show. I have also made very long posts on what I think of Vander and Silco and their ideologies so I'm not gonna repeat myself. If you really wanna know how I feel, you can look through my posts.

Back to Mel, I am aware she said that out of insecurity, thats literally why I put it there, to further my point. It doesn't change the fact that she IS a billionare, and she IS the richest person in Piltover, and she IS trying to expand her wealth. That's literally how we are introduced to her. You can ignore these very canon facts if you dont like them if you want, idgaf. I personally decided to ignore most of s2 because i dont like it. This is a stupid TV show, we can do whatever we want with it. Also the Ambessa novel and the comic and whatever are all not part of the show, I am not required to read them to form an opinion lmao. I am talking about Arcane and Arcane only.

Your point about Mel wanting weapons because Zaun has weapons falls flat (and reveals a lot about your views of colonialism) because after Jinx bombs the council, Mel has suddenly changed her mind about the weapons. She suddenly doesnt see it as necessary. Isnt that crazy???? Of course, we as the audience know she had changed her mind about the weapons beforehand but the fact that she stuck with that decision reveals a lot. And I think it could have been a good way to start her redemption arc (but they didn't follow through with it in favor of that mage bullshit lol)

"She has lived through a pretty violent and personal civil war before she got banished. She knows what’s coming. The soft spined idealism is her thinking that diplomacy can still win out and that the presence of weapons is enough of a deterrent." ok but you see how that's still bad right?

Anyway, its clear that neither of us are going to change our minds because, again, we are looking at the show through different lenses, both of which are valid. I'm really not interested in continuing this discussion any further so if you continue to annoy me, I will kill you. This discussion is over.

People who say that all the councilors had it coming except Mel are pussies. Mel absolutely had it coming lol literally the richest person in Piltover and that was before the hexgates, so really there was only one way for her to get that kind of money. I think she had the potential to be a really good character but everything that was interesting about her was completely sidelined and at the end she was just boring. Like show me her backstory, show me her corruptness, her prejudice, don’t act like she was simply ignorant of the oppression when she was literally a part of the government.

[bitchapalooza]

Piers being actually kind of weird is one of my fav things to think about tho and I'm gonna spew about.

Like Piers is adhd-autistic. He takes medicine for his adhd so he can actually function right enough to survive in a world of too much going on, even tho it kind of makes him seem a little too low on energy. And when he's off his meds, it's like a free comedy show. Like he's not the best when it comes to calling in his refills. He doesn't hate talking on the phone, he just doesn't know how to carry a conversation on it because he cannot see the person in front of him. Anyway, there can be like a week at most before he finally gets back on them sometimes, but most times it isnt really that long. And in that week it's always a treat. Because he unmasks at home. So it's all out there. He has breached containment. No one can tame him now.

I think he vocal stims a lot, mostly with thinking outloud but also word repetition.

Piers: Squirtle are like mobile homes but alive. They have houses on their backs. Why didnt WE evolve to be like? I wouldn't have to pay rent because I would have been born with my house! Could you figure that? Not paying rent. Never having to worry about homelessness. ...anyway, itS FUN TO STAY AT THE Y M C A! *continues the song in a mumble as he continues washing dishes with a little dance*

Gordie, to his phone, which is live streaming: This is what I live with. All you Piers simps are attracted to this. And I live with it. Yeah, I am dating that. We share a bed. Imagine waking up to this everyday—

Piers: What up, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read!

Gordie: I know why I'M attracted to it, but why are YOU GUYS attracted to it?

And also

Piers: Hey, babe, look at the new lamp I bought today put of pure impulse.

Gordie: Its a mermaid with her tits hanging out. I love it actually.

Piers: I know right! It's fucking gorgeous! We can use her nipples as a key hook. I mean look at how wrong they sculpted them. It's so bad. I want twenty more of them.

Gordie: Okay but we have to put it away when my mom visits.

Piers: But I want to show off my mertitties! Gordie, it's imperative I show everyone my fishy-tits. Like it super important people see my boobie-buoies. My—

Gordie: Okay! Okay, Piers, I get it. You want everyone to see your pornographic lamp. I understand.

[nonclassyparty]

Okay so I just stayed up till 3am reading starring role and after putting it off for a while and honestly I can’t believe I ever did that?!?! Something wrong with me fr but this fic is just 🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽

Okay let’s start of with our main girl!! I just want to hug her so bad. Although nothing excuses her behaviour towards Boyoung, I get why she’s the way she is especially to someone like yeosang. I hate how everyone seas as this ditzy, rich girl with no brain. But the worst has got to be her parents - her mum and me will throw hands I swear. And what’s even more heartbreaking is how you can tell she clearly misses her brother but like wtf happened? I can’t wait for the reveal for that? I can only imagine it’s drugs related but knowing her I’m sure she took it up a notch. In a time where she probably needs her brother the most he’s not there and I’m sad about it.

Okay Choi fking San, like you warned us, but honestly makes my blood boil ESPECIALLY after he had the absolute gall to come BACK to her after his failed relationship. Again nothing excuses the reader to say what she said to Boyoung but nothing excuses San to say what he did either. And his friends are so mean and for what? But now with the reveal of why Yeonsang is the way he is I’m excited to see what he does or says to her now. I just saw someone ask if San will leak her secrets after she confronted Yeosang and omg??? That will be honestly the worst thing he could ever do 💔 also when she realised that San is just some guy ™️ was actually so funny to me

I love Wooyoung and I just adore how close they became, he deserves the words and a sweet boyfriend!

Joonie is also another sweetheart, I love that he wants to progress her art work and just be her friend!!

Also not the stray kidz cameos 👀🫰🏽

Okay so now Mingi!!!!!!!!! This guy had my heart flip flopping all over the place it was unreal! Get why your pissed at her when she was mean to your bestie but then???????? Treating her like she a dumbass then being all sweet and generally making her seem like a better person and her valentines gift 😭😭😭 all for him to just spew out all that shit? Almost in tears 😔 He honestly needs to get his head out of his ass.

This fic is a rollercoaster and I really can’t wait to see what happens next and things getting revealed etc!! You’re amazing and have great day!

omggggggggg thank you so much!!!!

well yn isnt the nicest person in general😭 she's pretty mean and self-centered but that's her character so yeah she was pretty shitty to boyoung. she'll talk about seonghwa more in the next chapter and he'll have a pretty interesting arc by the end lmfao

i thought of writing a chapter from san's pov which wouldn't be really a chapter but something in the form of e-mails i guess?? but i decided against it bc my life is kind of a mess rn and i just want this story to successfully reach its end. but later on when i'm better and if i'm in the mood for it, i might post that chapter as an additional part bc i already have a good chunk of it written out...we'll see. i think it would be interesting to write from his perspective bc i know a lot of people wonder about him and it was pretty fun to write the bonus part

there will be so much of wooyoung in the next chp and it will be mostly sad but he's my baby so..

also in the last couple of chapters i've completely neglected joong but thats bc he was mostly linked to yn by mingi and professor ahn so when everything went to shit between them i kinda lost how to include joong in the story BUT i think he will also appear in the next chapter.

and mingi omggggggggggg i cant wait for him to come back, he'll be so pathetic and there's nothing i love writing more than men being pathetic and grovelling so i'm excited for that!

anyways thank you for reading once again and for this lengthy message!! have a nice day

[blushstories]

hi! hope you're okay! :)

i just wanted to maybe explain a bit of the perspective of people who don't reblog stuff on here, not trying to justify anything because i'm aware that writers deserve to be recognized for their work and people should share it when they're able, but there are a lot of reasons why people don't reblog anything!

in my case i used to not reblog a lot if not at all because i read like 50 things a day and i felt like it would be annoying for the people that follows me to have their timeline full of my reblogs, especially because most of them were from different fandoms and had completely opposite interests, also it made me feel so anxious because there's stuff i don't want people to know about me that's maybe visible on the things i read (or at least it felt like that in my anxious brain) and i'm sure other people have other reasons and again, i know it's not fair and it doesn't justify anything, but everyone is different! as for me, now i reblog everything i read/enjoy, but it was really hard to let my anxiety about it go!

anyway, maybe this won't help at all and i'm sorry if it's inconvenient or upsetting!

i absolutely love everything you write and i hope i can read more of your work soon! :)

hello! thank you!

i do understand that perspective, and i absolutely can see those fears but i think it’s more than just being ‘recognised’, and i’ll explain why!

firstly, yeah being conscious of your followers is totally fair, however the beauty of tumblr is that you can make sideblogs, or tell your followers to blacklist/filter a specific tag so that their timelines arent clogged! even just queuing the posts gives a chance for them to scroll by if they want. ofc certain tws make sense to not share with followers who know you tho.

sometimes it isnt even about reblogs specifically; if someone left a comment or ask instead of a reblog that’s more than enough! the problem with just liking posts is that it creates a really consumerist experience on tumblr, which is first and foremost a blogging platform: so when i see empty blogs and their like pages are just full of fics i bluescreen a bit. these days, the like to reblog ratio of literally every artist (writer, fanart) is really really sad to see, their audiences just consume it without even sending a kind thought to the creator!!! doesnt that make your heart ache??

imagine a small town. everybody knows everybody, small businesses everywhere trading their own products to share the love and hyping up each other’s babies (their passions). that’s how i imagine blogs, and so when i see spam likes without reblogs, or a “part 2 when??!” when said person hasnt even commented before or reblogged, it transforms my blog from a community space where we share thoughts about blorbos into a product that only serves to entertain.

i really dont care about followers or note counts; i do care about having conversations with anyone who decides to hang around, if that’s a reblog chain or an ask or a comment thread then that’s how it is! we can talk headcanons or daydreams (within reason) or just generally chat!

i just cannot describe how crushing it feels when i open my notifs and only see likes. it makes me close the app straight away because there’s no one to interact with. also, it gives the message that someone read my fic, and liked it, but not enough to share it with their friends.

i hope that clears it up a bit more! it’s not a vanity or note count thing, if you comment or send an ask about a fic that’s exactly the same thing! thank you for reading and let me tell you i say this with nothing but love.

[just-a-leech-boy]

This isnt the essay tbh. I'm just thinking out loud. Idek man. End of the fucking world. We're all doomed

I am very hung up on the fact that two main modes of human expression: language and visual art, have been automated, and more importantly commodified.

I go to university. From personal observation of my fellow students, the use of chatgpt to do incredibly simple essay work is endemic. Literally every single person in my history class last term used it to write summaries of the reading. Even people who I know are smart, have said they used chatgpt to create outlines for essays. I don't understand the purpose of this; surely you are able to think through an outline for an essay? Surely this does not need to be automated. Chatgpt is cheating, to me. You cheated. You didn't have the thoughts you were meant to have. You let a computer do the thinking. Why are we here?

I think there is essentially a move away from thinking itself, especially with the fact that addiction to short form video content is completely real. I think people my age, but especially people younger than me, are mostly unaware of its addictive nature, and essentially everyone has no means to break free from it. I remember when I was a kid, and how my brain worked then, how thinking felt before I was addicted to my phone. Do the children now, who were given the internet as babies, even know that it is different?

I think it's the end of thought. No one wants to think. No one wants to read, no one wants to write. No one cares if things are good, they care if it's fast, or if it makes money. I think now with AI we are set on a path towards the degeneration of human intelligence and creation, all in the name of capital.

...

Okay next bit is gonna be like, shittily written cuz it's less clear in my mind.

People always say that AI lets them have a "more efficient workflow". Id be interested to hear if these people actually work less than they did before they started using AI. Or do they just do more work for the same amount of time and the same amount of money? Or is it just that they're able to do more work for more money, for the same amount of time? I never hear anyone say, "ai has given me more free time". Wasn't AI supposed to free us for more important things? Like writing, and art, and talking to people?

A lot of stuff people are using chatgpt for is just insane dystopian shit that makes my head explode. On Reddit one of the top uses was making up bedtime stories for their children, praised for its "novelty". The fuck??? You have allowed the connection to your child be automated by a machine. That machine does not love your child. It did not choose those words to make them smile or laugh. You could not, out of love for your child, spend 5 minutes, pondering a bedtime story?

One major reason there was backlash against the Vietnam war was the fact that it was being photographed. The photos of the horror of war were enough to move a generation. Now, photos of war and of atrocities are just part of doomscrolling. Our awful little habit. We basically see children dying every day, multiple times a day even. I think this in itself is unnatural. I don't think it's possible for a person to feel empathy for anyone on their screen anymore. There is just an oversaturation of images. I do not think we were meant to live in this way.

This is what I mean when I say it is the end of any meaningful human connection. There will be no exchanging of thoughts, of empathy. We will not have thoughts, we will not have creativity. We are slaves to the machine and to techno capital and putting things on the Internet so ads can be put beside them. That is the only reason we are here. Is to look at our screens and make money for other people. Not to think, not to love, not to make anything at all.

...

Anyway yeah uhhh. I think. It's the end of the world. But in a slow and pathetic sort of way, where it's fine really, but I just think. Maybe nothing will ever be real or beautiful ever again.

Okay that was a lot of words sorry.

If you think otherwise, please tell me your thoughts because i do not think there is much hope for this.

There's a big essay in my head about the perception of reality, social media as it is today, ai, and something about nihilism and empathy. I think uhhh. The end culture and human connection. Idk

[mittensmorgul]

Hello! I remember reading some meta a while back about how John wasn't actually tortured in Hell, and that Dean was the only one tortured. And also, Dean was the only one who got the 1 month = 10 years time manipulation, and that's not how time in Hell typically works. I can't remember if that was you or not?? But if it was, do you know what you would have tagged it? I'm looking for it cuz I really like it and want to reference it 😬

Hi there! I have written about this quite a bit, yes. I thought maybe some of it was in the 2.22 tag, or else in the "heaven hell purgatory and the empty" tag, since it was semi-confirmed that Hell Time (and even Cage Time) does run parallel to Earth Time in 15.08. Dean mentions the "10 years" in a cage thing as possibly a reason Adam/Michael would not want to help them, and then Adam himself tells Michael that it's been 10 years since he'd seen a burger before taking a bite of it. So to them, who were in the cage for a decade, it actually felt like a decade.

So... it feels like it's been confirmed in canon that everyone else experiences time flowing at a normal Earth rate in Hell now. I went through my tags and found a series of posts you may find interesting, but obviously these are just my personal thoughts about it. It's never been stated in dialogue, for example, that Dean specifically experienced a time dilation in order to rush him through the process of breaking him from torture in time to bring about the destined apocalypse. Other demons have confirmed it can take CENTURIES to break down a human soul and rebuild them into demons in Hell. Like Ruby in 3.09:

Ruby: Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later Hell will burn away your humanity. Every Hell-bound soul, every one, turns into something else. Turns you into us. So yeah. Yeah, you can count on it.

They were on a timetable. They didn't have centuries (for one thing, Sam wouldn't live that long to fulfill his end of the fated apocalypse deal...). They needed to speed run him through breaking in the very specific way Chuck's narrative needed him to. They did NOT need John to break in this specific way. He wasn't the fated vessel of Michael, you know? DEAN was. And they needed him-- The Righteous Man-- to shed blood in Hell. I.e., to pick up the implements of torture and fall, essentially. And it still took him 30 years of brutal, directed torture to give in to that destiny. Can you imagine him being saved after 40 earth years before being returned to battle it out with 65-year-old Sam? LOLOL no.

anyway, here's some things I've written on the subject over the years. I hope some of this clarifies my personal thinking on the matter. And okay, now that I've pasted all those here, I think I'd recommend starting at the bottom of this list and working your way up, since I pulled them in reverse chronological order from my blog, and the last linked post is actually the origin of this convo on my blog >.>

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/618379181478248448/hi-im-the-wiki-anon-i-was-just-reading-a

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/189903073925/michael-and-adam-talk-about-only-spending-10-years

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/189647525560/if-deans-hell-time-isnt-indicative-of-overall

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/188516632740/re-demons-so-im-thinking-its-invite-only-most

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186982506615/this-talk-of-the-early-seasons-gives-me-another

I hope that at least clarifies how I think about this!

[lazarus-harp]

I hope this isnt strange, but do u have any etn fanfic recommendations? Been trying to read more hehe and you seem p active here in the fandom so I figured u might know of the good ones that are out there. Dont really care about format, like it could be either here on tumblr or on something else like ao3 idc. I like seasons 2 3 and 4 and dont have any triggers or whatever so I'm pretty much good with whatever you think deserves a read!! love your blog by the way, also if you wanted to recommend any other blogs to also follow that would be pretty nice, no pressure tho. Thanks in advance 😊

this isn't strange at all! i'm super honored to have someone ask me for recommendations on anything, so thanks so much for this ask! love engaging with people so, ya know! i'll go ahead and start with blogs to follow because that'll be a nice start to this, and then the fanfiction recs will be under read more.

some etn blogs to follow are :

@escapethenightcrack : i think this blog is a given! before i even started this blog, this one has always been floating around. there's all kinds of different content out there from varying seasons. not to mention the person running the blog is super nice and open to having conversations about the characters! highly recommend them for anyone looking for etn blogs to follow. you always get what you come for and they occasionally post questions you can respond to! fun time overall and i admire them a lot. please go check them out and follow if you haven't already! <3

@poeticpains : a newer blog on the scene but one of my favorites already, personally. they make a variety of things from embroidery to playlists which you don't often see in this fandom ; so following them is worth it because you never know what art form you might get for etn! and thanks to the abundance of reblogs, this fan blog helps you find other accounts if you haven't seen them already. overall a new blog that kinda has it's own unique style! they also reblog quotes and tag etn characters which i personally really enjoy and, again, haven't really seen done before. the person running it is also someone i highly respect! so yeah, go follow!

just realized that me singing praise to every blog tagged could get very tiring to read, so lemme just. finish up recommending blogs without all the theatrics. but every single one im @-ing deserves praise and they all post some intriguing etn content that either makes you laugh, makes you think, is simply just fanart/writing, or they have some sort of creative ideas for it they wish to talk about! and all of those things are cool to see! ahem so : @fishyspider, @thatotherothersideblog, @lydiais-dead, @elfie-loves-you, @remaking-machine , and @warning-rune !

obviously there's more blogs out there but these are the ones i would personally recommend for branching out. you'll probably find more blogs from these ones alone! for starters, i will immediately say that i have my own ao3 account! WitchyTwitchy! and anything in my bookmarks is highly, highly recommended. there's also my stories which are a tad old, honestly, but they're not the worst ever! but besides that, let's get into the nitty gritty fanfic recommendations!

then they kill you ( and then they love you again ) - the moment you asked for fic recs for etn, this was actually the first fic i thought of. it's a s4 fic that focuses heavily on rosanna and the trials she endures mentally in purgatory. this is a work that has stuck with me since it's original posting and always puts me in this weird grief-stricken mood due to how vivid ro's emotions are. the format could be a bit confusing to read given the long paragraphs and lack of dialogue marks ( " ) but since you don't mind that, i highly recommend! whenever i want to get in my s4 feels or even get inspired to write something heartwrenching, this is the fic i always go to.

how the story goes - another s4 fic that's just a nice, quick read. it mainly follows destorm and how his dynamic with alex changed over the course of the season, while adding a layer of depth to it. though this isn't a big fave of mine, i adore it nonetheless and believe it's one of the few etn fics that focus on alex/destorm in that season anyway, so! but that leads me to the next fic rec, which is from the very same author who wrote this -

love, and how to kick it - honestly, this is one of the first fics i ever read in the etn tag ever and it was a pretty solid introduction. if you're a fan of soulmate aus and hopeless situations, this one is for you! it's s3 and the main character is nikita, who goes through the story torn between her love for manny vs her soulmate-love for mat. which is handled extremely well and pulls at your heart, just how nikita's being tugged around by hers. there's some good ro/mat moments as well! genuinely a good fic all around and makes you want to see more soulmate aus in etn in the same vein as this!

if i fall - a s3 fic that's an au, but instead of changing the outcome of a death ( as you typically see ) it's making up a new challenge entirely and forcing the final five to endure it! this one is a refreshing fic to me and elaborates on dynamics in the current setting of the show in a very intriguing way. there's angst galore and everyone who has to do the challenge has thoughts that feel extremely in character for them to have, causing you to feel awful and torn between both teams. it's a decently long read, which the fandom definitely needs more of, so that's a plus as well! there isn't much more to say without spoiling it, but the creativity taken and the twists and turns are excellent. also, fyi, if you want to read more etn fics, this person is chalk full of them on their ao3 account! so check them out in general.

right down to the second ( i can feel my breath unfold ) - another s3 fic ( sorry! they just have the most fics ) but this time it's a nicely wrapped up 'how the final six can potentially live' au. the main reason im placing this down is because of how recent it is in the fandom, and i think it's very important to support works that have been posted recently. especially since writers ( and editors ) are the only ones keeping this fandom afloat! however, besides that, this fic is one of the better ones ive seen recently. i was not expecting the plot nor the friendship development this fic expertly dishes out. you can tell they really adored each member of the final six, and you'd be surprised how rare that is in the fandom. it's heartwarming and follows matthew caring deeply for everyone there and it deals with amazing trauma in the second work. definitely recommend

okay! to be brutally honest, besides the fics listed here and the fics you can find in my bookmarks, i can't really think of any other fanfics to recommend you? this took a while to come out, seeing as i looked through the ao3 tag a couple times and tried to pick my favorite ones. or the ones off the top of my head! while the fics here isn't a lot, every author on this list has at least one more etn work attached to them ; so feel free to gather more that way! i really hope this helped, and im beyond honored to be asked for fic and blog recs! makes me feel like im doing something in the fandom, if that makes sense? either way, thanks so much for this ask and for enjoying my blog ---- feel free to message/ask me things at any time! this was fun 🧡

[janiedean]

First off, I'm a HUGE fan of I'll be the frosting to your cupcake, one of the first fics I reread and a comfort fic staple of mine from the on.

Having said that, I recently learned English isnt your first language, and I'm shook. How do you write in such a flowy ample vocabulary precise english? Are you half British or sth? Have you live outside of Italy? What's your secret? What are your tips, please help a sister in need!

first of all thank you so much you're too kind ;v; and I'm really happy that it's been... ALMOST TEN YEARS and it still holds up ;v;

that said hahaha well I'M VERY HAPPY I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY MASTERED THE POWER OF NOT MAKING IT KNOWN ENGLISH IS NOT MY MOTHER TONGUE MUAHAHAH but in all seriousness:

no I'm not half british, my aunt was a high school english teacher but that was it and she definitely didn't speak english to me growing up beyond giving me the basics

no I haven't lived outside Italy just been on vacation in english speaking places so those two guesses aren't correct but

take into account that I'm 33 and I started learning english srsly when I was like twelve and I started writing in english when I was.... nineteen going on twenty so the way I write now is because I pretty much wrote in english nonstop since then, obviously whatever I wrote in 2007 had a worse vocabular/wasn't as good as it is now so count that a lot of that is practice

now basically i know it'll sound like ARE YOU SERIOUS but: I learned first translating songs by hand which meant I spent two years with a vocabulary translating bruce springsteen's and bon jovi's opera omnia that I had booklets for (YES THE INTERNET WAS ON 56K I HAD THE DAMNED LYRIC BOOKLETS RIP) and that.. I mean it didn't give me the widest vocab ever but it got me started, and then I jumped the bridge and started reading in english at.... eh I was 15 but like I got into stephen king, read a few of his books in italian, then got one I already had in italian in english for kicks and realized it... was better not translated so I swallowed the whole OH GOD I WON'T UNDERSTAND 1/5TH OF THE WORDS thing and went for it and like I can 100% assure you that if you get through the dark tower's second book and the indecent level of nyc slang in it you won't ever go back

(then being a masochist I went straight for steinbeck and if you manage the grapes of wrath at the level I was you're good X°D)

now like... that shows because every single time I take english tests like HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE WORDS/WHAT IS YOUR WORDING CHOICE/WHAT DOES YOUR WRITING SOUND LIKE I without fail get as results that I pronounce like someone from new jersey/pennsylvania and I use words like someone from maine and that I read like king which... LIKE I LEARNED 95% OF MY ENGLISH on all of that so that makes sense

now the thing is after king I basically went like okay if that writer's english or writes in english I'm not checking the translations so basically I've read in english for twenty years and like... if you want to write you have to read and like I swear that when I was in high school I didn't need to open grammar books beyond the basics or actually study english at all bc having actually read stuff I like... having seen the word/expressions used on paper meant I knew how to use them so there was that but like the point is that if you read a lot your vocabulary automatically gets wider and if you see how published people you like write that helps you too because it gives you the background, makes you see how people break the rules etc

with this I mean... like you know everyone is like YOU HAVE TO WRITE SHORT SENTENCES IN ENGLISH UNLESS YOU'RE A CLASSICAL AUTHOR OR YOU'RE WRONG? okay like I always struggled with it bc I tend to be long-winded, then one day I ran into michael chabon who not only has the kind of refined vocab I can only dream of, but he also has no issue dropping six-lines long sentences (or a 12 pages stream of consciousness of a parrot without a dot bless him) and he won a pulitzer prize and while I am certainly not michael chabon and I can only dream of being 10% as good when it comes to that mix of craft, if he can do that then who stops me from six-lines sentences? yeah, no one XD

and I mean like... just to say one re how you re-elaborate things, the whole thing I do with using parentheses on another new line to say how characters are feeling or switch pov for a moment etc etc is a thing I absolutely lifted from king bc when I read him doing it I decided it was genius, but like at some point I started doubling or tripling the parentheses if I wanted to show what someone was thinking superficially and subconsciously which is a thing king doesn't do but at some point it happened and I liked it so I did it, and that's like the only conscious example I can give you but like you develop your style also based on what you like reading and what comes easy to you but that's things you find out through practice and again... if you like specific writers most likely it'll show up in your writing but that's fine everyone has their role models

also like... I personally don't gaf if supposed english tradition says I can't do something I'd do writing in italian ie abusing semicolons and long-winded sentences, like... if you're good at specific thing that your language allows and english doesn't don't gaf and write it in english anyway who cares

tldr the tips are: read a lot in english, consume a lot of media in english, practice a lot because you get better/get the hand of it with time (again if you read my lost fanfic on lj written in 2008-2011 it's nowhere near the same level as what I write now but not even the stuff I wrote in my spn days is at the level I am now etc), read a lot also in your own language or in any other you know, write as much as you can, if you feel like you're copying your favorite writer don't gaf and go ahead anyway at some point you'll sound like you and not like whoever your fave writer is and be constant because again 50% is reading a lot and 50% is practice, I know it sounds like the discovery of hot water but I swear I managed that without living anywhere else and only reading/writing/talking to people on the internet so... it does work X°D

<3

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

this post is going to flop so hard BUT BETTTT

Okay, so like I forget what exactly incited it, but I've been thinking a lot about being in high school- More specifically, like back when we would put on plays and shit- Yk- theater shit. (BUT I wasn't a theater kid, unfortunately :(. I was a stinky smelly band kid [Joking, but everyone ik shits on band 🥺 AND IT HAS SO MANY CORE MEMORIES FOR ME])

So like my school way back when in my sophomore year (this is such a fucking cannon event for me) put on this play. And I know its so like random but I've been thinking about it a lot again. That play was such a core memory because literally like- Idk how to explain but trying to find lgbtq+ individuals in media was SO fucking hard. Like- me being in the pitch perfect fandom. Bechloe wasn't ever cannonized the way Lumity is, but it was still so much hinted and queerbaited to the extent the fandom and actors didnt shy away from throwing a bone to them.

So when my school went and put on this play- My drama teacher (I love her sm. Still convinced her and the geometry teacher were lesbians but its okay. They were roomates. THEY GAVE A VIBE. also geometry teacher was so cool and we talked abt writing bc she saw me reading Twilight and I then was like "Yeah I'm trying to read a bunch of famous/wrll known books to like then see what those authors did and WHY they became famous to then take that for my book that I wanna write!!" Anyway, I ripped into Harry Potter so hard). Put on a production of a play that she then opened with to the students (before it was shown to the public) and was like "if your gonna be homophobic you can leave now because this play is mature" blah blah. I forget. BUT it was like "Oh????"

THUS ISTG IS A CANNON EVENT!!! Because the play literally has a cannon lesbian character and I was like- foaming at the mouth like. GOD I loved it sm.

My dad didnt want to take me to see it cause he was really offensive back then. Cue me asking my mom instead :). ANYWAY.

LESBIAN STAGE KISS. LESBIAN STAGE KISS. GRAHHHH. Anyway, cannon event.

BUT THE THING IS. I don't ever fucking hear anyone talk about this play. And yeah its old and isnt like yk... Great?? Least compared to modern portrayal). I WAS SO INTO IT BECAUSE LIKE!!! HELLO?? LESBIAN PERSON RIGHT THERE!!!

SHE IS ME FR. (I wasnt out as nonbinary back then and I was only identifying as Bi iirc.)

BUT BUT

SHE KILLS MONSTERS!!!

I just recently watched it last month again cause they've got versions on YT of it, not of my schools :(. And I was remembering like "damn this IS still cool asf." Like- I miss theater and seeing shit like that. Plays are so fun, and I need to go look around the area to see if any schools put any on this year BECAUSE THEYRE SO FUN.

Unfortunately unhinged me was also trying to insert toh as each character and was trying to figure out who could be who from toh. IF IT COULD FIT W LUMITY. Kinda but not rlly. The male character thats dating the protagonist needs to not exist. Thank you.

If I remember I'll take a picture of the playbill cause I still got it somewhere. Idk I'm just thinking about that play a lot and I have just never seen anyone else talk about it.

I'm not really into D&D, but that's a main component of it.

nope, nope, we are NOT going to ramble about some obscure thing that no one else understands. NOPE. I'm not gonna. Go away intrusive thoughts to talk about it!!! 🙄🙄. I HAVE TO BE NORMAL!! I SWEAR!!