#anyway yeah like I said in the tags of the og post my friends and I came up with a ton of silly ideas for this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

borom1r · 5 months ago

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The OG post seems dead but the full meme is in dm because Link so uhhh for both brothers ig?? Hope things get less shitty soon friend 😭🤞🏽🫂

THANK UUUUU there has been so much personal stuff going on that im not gonna get into on Tumblr Dot Com but im ready for it all to be done + today is gonna be. HRM. interesting at best

edit: forgot to link the fuckin meme like a gremlin. anyways, link

Boromir time 🩵🤍

🏳️‍🌈lgbt+ headcanon

gay gay homosexual gay

💌fluffy headcanon

THAT MAN GIVES THE BEST HUGS IN THE WORLD. back-cracking fuckin hugs. not afraid to show his love thru physical touch either. picks Faramir up + spins him around in a hug whenever he gets the chance. either of them might die any fucking day so goddamn it he's going to hug his little brother like crazy

💔angsty headcanon

emotionally stunted king. raised w/ the knowledge he would die for Gondor. as a soldier or as steward, he's dying for this fucking country. so his own wants? his desires? emotions? needs? those don't matter :) haha what do you mean they uh. they should matter? what??? nahhh....

🧸 hurt/comfort headcanon

Boromir Lives i do think he loses significant feeling/range of motion in his arm after gettin turned into a fuckin Gondorian pincushion. thankfully Aragorn's hands are the hands of a healer + he's happy to help massage away any aches/tightness

🪀silly headcanon

Théodred is endlessly frustrated that Boromir's hair is not long enough to braid properly. Boromir refuses to grow his hair any longer. this is a constant (joking) argument between them <3 (Théodred fully "your hair is literally the only way anyone would know you're not a true Rohir. grow it out!!" + Boromir "mm.. tempting")

💤sleep headcanon

used to sleeping lightly + functioning on the bare minimum as a soldier but in a Boromir Lives scenario i do think he sleeps like a fucking LOG when he finally adjusts to not being in constant danger lol

✨a ship i like with this character

Aragorn/Boromir for Painfully Obvious Reasons, methinks. also partial to Boromir/Théodred

🔪a ship i Don't like with this character

look, man. the amount of Boromir/Faramir fics I’ve seen. that’s his whole ass entire biological brother. 😒

🎃something i think they're afraid of

i mean painfully obvious but the loss of all the loves to the forces of Mordor

📦overall feelings about them

BITING HIM BITING HIM BITING HIM BITES HIM BITES HIM BITES HIM CHOMPS HIM SHAKING HIM AROUND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES MY GUY THATS MY GUY FUCKING BITES HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

📢favorite thing about them in canon

HES SO. LOVING. i have waxed poetic abt Boromir + how deeply he loves + cares for things i don’t have it in me to do it again rn but that man is 90% love and i love him for it

🧨least favorite thing about them in canon

NONE? that’s my Special Guy? like yeah ig i cld be like ‘ooooouuuu his fall to the ring’ but that’s stupid bullshit and completely ignores the point that no one is above the temptation of the ring < which is why i prefer movie!Faramir + his temptation. stupid that he wasn’t tempted in the books like ily Fara but that’s bullshit

💬favorite line they've said

HRM well “have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets” ofc. my url for my Aragorn blog is “clear ringing” in Sindarin :3 (nellad ‘laen)

🔔unpopular opinion

do i have any unpopular boromir opinions??!? i think if u think he’s a villain ur wrong + will ignore any further takes. maybe “Boromir Is good” is unpopular in the broader fandom but I just don’t go there. I do not see it

🔊a song that reminds me of them

OAGH. asking me to pick just one. foolish. i have a ton of music in my tag for him on @nelladlaen so here r a choice few:

Magnolia — Baroness (heavy weight, one more soul / leaving flaming arrows / hold on, eyes open wide / it’s the curtain falling)

When Will The Wounds Ever Heal — Crom (my shoulders ache from the burden of the past / I thought that I could bear, yes I swear / it’s so hard to find the path that leads me through / the darkness that you left behind)

Shock Me — Baroness (this is an Aramir song to me. “in a dream / a great calamity / to stone my heart and firm resolve / and render nerves to steel” “a deep well of despair I found / the day my dreams came true” Aramir song.)

Eventide — Kamelot (we did not go quietly into the night / old friend, now it’s time for you and I / to wave our goodbye / I will be there waiting with a smile / when you arrive)

also does it fit his vibe specifically? no. but do I think a man groomed from youth to essentially sacrifice himself on the battlefield for his people, to be a Figurehead on a pedestal rather than a whole person with his own desires, deserves to listen to angry thrash metal way too loud for catharsis? Yes. so Hanged Man’s Revenge by Spirit Adrift

📝misc thoughts/headcanons (you can specify something not on this list or i can say whatever comes to mind first!)

i do need him carnally. me every time i think too hard abt Boromir son of Denethor, Steward-Prince + Captain of the Tower Guard

Faramir time!! 🪶🌲

🏳️‍🌈lgbt+ headcanon

gay trans man ^_^

💌fluffy headcanon

cat-bonks his forehead against Boromir when he's happy but nonverbal. autistic ass man to me

💔angsty headcanon

the man was covered in fuel and engulfed in flames he fully has burns at BARE minimum on his limbs/extremities…

🧸 hurt/comfort headcanon

look man i used to make back-alley top surgery jokes before i had my surgery + was gettin sick n fuckin tired with dysphoria. Faramir has absolutely made some miserable joke abt Boromir taking him out back + just lopping them off w/ a sword.

Boromir at least ran with it until he got Faramir actually laughing + distracted from the fuckin Horrors

🪀silly headcanon

he + Aragorn feed into each other's echolalia. its so bad. one of them picks up a phrase/noise + its never long before the other picks it up too

💤sleep headcanon

sleeps EXTREMELY lightly + wakes with the first light. even in times of peace, never gets out of this rhythm

✨a ship i like with this character

veryvery partial to Éomer/Faramir

🔪a ship i Don't like with this character

same answer as Boromir

🎃something i think they're afraid of

ahh.. thats an interesting question actually. i think there's a lot of sadness abt Faramir but not necessarily.. fear. perhaps losing Boromir? whatever he fears, he does not show it < he's already a better leader than his father lmao.

I do think he has nightmares about the pyre after. all of that.

📦overall feelings about them

honeg!!!!!!!! that’s my little brother!!!!!! < Aragorn kinnie voice

📢favorite thing about them in canon

HES SO DEEPLY GENTLE AND KIND WHEN OF ANYONE HE HAS THE MOST RIGHT TO BE BITTER AND COLD. HE IS A WISE MAN AND A STRONG LEADER AND MOST OF ALL HE CARES!!!!

🧨least favorite thing about them in canon

book!Faramir my worstie. u and ur middlemen shtick and the whole I’m Above The Ring beloved u are an entire Man don’t give me that BS. also unpack ur biases towards other races of men the Rohirrim don’t deserve this. least of all if ur gonna marry one 🙄

💬favorite line they've said

movie!Fara quotes bc i do love movie!Fara he's a special lil guy. two bc i can't rlly choose between them

His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is... where he came from. And if he was really evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home. If he would not rather have stayed there... in peace. War will make corpses of us all. — i feel like i love this quote for obvious reasons. ik this was expanded from Sam's internal monologue in the books but i do like Faramir having this line instead, showing again his compassion even in the face of such violence

Where does my allegiance lie if not here? This is the city of the men of Númenor. I would gladly give my life to defend her beauty, her memory… her wisdom… — this is my 2nd choice bc its such a like. such a good parallel of Boromir. or maybe not a parallel, but it ties so nicely into the idea that Faramir is trying to be Boromir for his father. so of course he'd give his life for Minas Tirith, because wouldn't Boromir do the same?

🔔unpopular opinion

again do I have one??? idk??? maybe that movie!Faramir is better than book!Faramir, that feels blasphemous lol

🔊a song that reminds me of them

Living Pyre — Khemmis (look is it ultimately a depressing song? yes. but it is a Faramir song to me.)

also Blacksmith and Ride On by Cruachan bc I think he’d genuinely enjoy Cruachan

📝misc thoughts/headcanons (you can specify something not on this list or i can say whatever comes to mind first!)

AUTISM CREATURE. WE ARE AUTISM CREATURES TOGETHER

autism2autism communication we r both staring into the distnce over each other's shoulders so we dont have to actually make eye contact

#ask #TYSM TAM!!!!!!!!!#i needed this 2day;;;;;;;;;

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tittyblade · 3 years ago

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update on this: went to two diff hospitals about it as a final attempt, went to the same place again yesterday to talk with the staff and learn what was up, then today asked a friend that got the same docs how they did it +which hospital they got it from, visited there today, n yeah i have no problems getting the doc myself but since the system requires me to get an appointment first (soonest would be in a month) i can’t get the right doc on time 😔✊

with the certain doc i already have i’m able to take the test alone in a room by myself so that’s still v good. gonna see how it is, hopefully, MAYBE i won’t need to retake depending on ig how easy to exam is lmao

hey babes guess who’s probably gonna need to repeat the whole year cause they gave us the wrong documentation <3

#for context i was trying to get this one doc showing my adhd #so i could get extra time on my uni entrance exam thats in 7 days #and we went and asked for it #but they said ‘yeah no we dont give that to adhd ppl’#turns out they do and that is the one govt needed 🤡🤡#<- the tags i had on my og post #so now my exams in 4 days instead of a week #v stupid process #like. the staff is at fault to some extent (arguably less than what i initially thought)#but yk wish they informed us properly #so the blame falls on the govt for not making sure the docs staff etc are fully informed abt these things #doctors*#i feel better abt it cause my friend say even being alone in the rooms helps a ton #said*#and the past exams dont seem that hard?#so yk gonna try to do good on it and if not the blame isnt on me anyways #personal

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poppyseed799 · 3 years ago

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Okay fellow 3rd life fans I think it’s time I come clean. I have been silent about this the entire time, thinking about staying quiet cuz it seemed the whole fandom disagrees with what I’m about to say but I will stay silent no longer.

I don’t get why people say the Desert was “clearly the bad guys”.

Let’s get this out of the way: I mainly watched Scar’s POV along with Grian’s. I watched a fair amount of Martyn’s episodes as well, a couple from Scott and then random episodes from Skizz, Cleo, Impulse, Jimmy, and probably more. Definitely plot important ones I watched from more POVs than just my main guys Scar and Grian.

I just don’t get why, when people look at all of the different factions, they look at the Desert and go “yes they are clearly in the wrong and the only ones I can easily label as the villains in the overall story” what??? Don’t even get me started on “it’s interesting that the villains won in 3rd life” what??? I always viewed them as the more innocent ones, although the story is very morally grey so it doesn’t say TOO much lmao.

So let me explain why! Well, honestly, I’m more confused as to why y’all say they’re so obviously the villains, so I’m just explaining why I’m confused here lol.

So first of all let’s get the scamming and monopolies out of the way. I have less to say about the monopoly so let’s start with that. THEY NEVER HAD A MONOPOLY… if the idea of making a monopoly is bad enough for you guys, then might I remind y’all of the cow monopoly that was attempted? Everyone was looking for ways to make business… and a SAND monopoly was CLEARLY doomed to fail!! Not to bring Dream SMP into this but if y’all are gonna say OG L’Manberg was innocent because they didn’t succeed in the potion monopoly at all then let’s have that same energy for the Sand People!!!

Now for the scams. “Oooh poppy how are you gonna defend the scamming” BECAUSE IT WASN’T SCAMMING??? Scar made it clear what he wanted and what the person would receive in return. They were told they were going to receive a piece of paper and they agreed to it! Don’t listen to Grian “don’t listen to Scar it’s a scam the papers don’t mean anything” because he was LYING. Not purposely, but he was lying. Scar NEVER said “hey Grian let’s scam people with fRiEnDsHiP” instead he always told Grian that it WAS real and that he WOULD go through with all of the papers. And he did! There were a couple of mishaps but obviously it’s really difficult to control every situation. Plus Scar had a hard time remembering all of the friendship passes lmao. But he really did try, he really did value these trades, it wasn’t scamming just because Grian thought there was no way it was worth it.

The only Scar hater I stan is Skizzleman he had all right to be mad at Scar but that doesn’t mean Scar was the enemy of the whole story lol

Now onto something that I don’t know how to start explaining but is a very big reason why I’m confused about the fandom calling the Desert the bad guys. NOBODY IN THE SMP TOOK THEM SERIOUSLY. I saw SO many posts about how “Scar and Grian seem like fun guys in THEIR POV but in others POV they’re really scary!” Like no? I always thought it was the opposite. Like watching Scar’s POV I was like “ah man they have to kill people cuz red life this is so dramatic they are feared by the server…” BUT THEN I WATCH SOMEONE ELSE’S POV AND THEY LITERALLY SAY STUFF LIKE “lol we don’t have to worry about Scar” “dang all those people just exploded. Anyways Scar is the weakest red life and we have nothing to worry about when it comes to him it’s all the other red lifers that are a problem” “lol there goes those idiots trying to make a monopoly on sand so silly” and I’m like. Oh. The entire server treats them like silly cartoon villains that never achieve anything. And yes they say these things WHILE hunting the Desert People down like what. Basically the server treating the villainous things the Desert did as not very serious made me think the same, which is why I’m so confused that people think they’re the Big Bad Guys.

ANOTHER THING relating to how the server treats the Desert: alliances!! The Desert was very loyal. Scott and Jimmy trusted the Desert, which shocked many people on the server but were they wrong? No! The Desert trusted the Hobbits back fully as well. They were the only alliance they fully trusted, but they didn’t go behind their other allies’ backs just cuz they weren’t so sure about the alliance. Sure there were comments about Impulse, but that idea was fed to them by Impulse’s allies, they had no other information. And yet they STILL gave him stuff and didn’t flinch when alone with him above Dogwarts, because even with him being suspicious he was still their ally and they are loyal as heck!!! Sure there was Impulse’s demise but like. That was endgame, everyone was looking for a reason to kill someone, and the Desert was told that Impulse was sus af and his own allies didn’t trust him so it was an easy pick. Bdubs coulda said no. And yeah Scar betrayed Bdubs in the end but like. Once again, endgame, and also it was “kill the person who stuck with you since the beginning” or “kill the person who is only on your side cuz you gave him a clock a while ago and lied to you about liking watches”. What do you expect? Plus the ending showed how loyal Scar was to Grian, the guy who owed him his first life and stuck with him till the end. Beautiful.

ANYWAYS EVEN MEMBERS OF DOGWARTS WERE LIKE “I have a hard time killing Scar because he hasn’t really wronged me personally in any way, he’s fairly reliable as well” LIKE… bro they were ENEMIES. Scar also didn’t really want to hurt them!!! Also can I just say that the only reason Scar was as bad as he was was because he was the first person to go red? Red lifers are supposed to be like the villains, so I don’t disagree with people saying that at FIRST Scar was a villain cuz he was red (although wtf were some of these guys up to using excuses to kill people while green (not talking about Grian)) but he wasn’t even that bad while he was red. He was just the worst by default since he was red lol. Which was entirely not his fault, and he only wanted to kill Ren pretty much lol. So I guess Scar being the villain depends on if you consider Ren to be the main character of the entire server.

Which is another thing I don’t get… why people see Dogwarts as the good guys. There was a CLEAR corruption arc people. Dogwarts had loyalty, but it was very ride or die, as in “if you don’t ride with us you will die”. You watch these guys call everyone (not just the desert people) “filthy peasants” and not realize they are acting like villains??? Plus the ominous “red winter is coming” like what. Not saying they weren’t good at the start, nor that they were completely and totally bad, just that if you were to frame ANYONE in this MORALLY GREY SERVER as “The Bad Guys” why not the ones that made it their entire thing????? YES they were good at first, they had regrets and cared so much about their people (just not anyone else lololol). It’s a tragic story, and you’re gonna write it off like “no even when they started doing bad things to people who never hurt them it was justified” even when they regret those things towards the end or after death so clearly it was wrong??? Guys.

I don’t want to call anyone the Bad Guys in 3rd life tho. They all did bad things, they all had valid reasons, they all had people they cared about. I just don’t get why people pick the Desert when they try to pick villains. They weren’t totally innocent but I never saw them as THE villains. For me, even while watching Martyn, that was always Dogwarts, and even then I don’t consider them Total Villains because the server is so grey! I loved them I just think that if anyone is the bad guys maybe it’s the self-imposed king that threatens to take ALL of your lives if you don’t show complete and total loyalty to them and wave their banner above your house to show it. Even if that king started out innocent and only went red to protect his friends. Once again tho I don’t like picking Bad Guys for this server. It was a very good story without having a clear right or wrong.

Just wanted to confess that, don’t really feel like arguing about it cuz I see enough people calling the Desert the Villains just scrolling thru the main tag lmao.

#3rd life smp #third life smp #3rd life spoilers #dsmp WISHES it could achieve the moral greyness 3rd life has #long post #I had more I wanted to say but I didn’t know how to fit it in I’m bad at writing rants

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theonetheycallhannah · 4 years ago

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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 20: Second Assist

Characters: Captain Logan “Sy” Syverson, Shane Benton (OFC), various other original supporting/secondary characters

Summary: Shane reunites with friends and family, hashes out some feelings, and gets real with Sy. Can their relationship survive her trauma? And the threat that still looms above them?

Romance and Smut Abound HERE!

Word Count: 4500

Warnings: Mention of rape, alcoholic beverages, violent imagery…feels out the butt.

Author’s Note: You guys are so splendid and beautiful! I can’t thank you enough for your support and encouragement to finish this piece. First, welcome to new readers! I know poor Henry’s injury and subsequent physiotherapy has driven some of you here, and while I’m sorry for him, I’m glad I can consider myself something of a pioneer in this particular genre and provide you some help for your newfound thirst. To my OG readers, it is to you I owe this entire work, parts written and incomplete, and I hope an eventual book deal. I mean to mention you in my acknowledgements, should this ever reach a willing publisher. You’ve inspired me so supremely that I cannot quantify it, even with the words I hold so dear.

Since my last chapter was posted, we’ve said a relieved goodbye to 2020 and a tentative hello to 2021. To be honest, this year has started out worse than last year. Lots of bad weather in my area this winter, my sister is currently on her way to a new life in another state, and my grandmother, the last grandparent I had, passed away in February. Those last two things have been especially difficult to shake off and recover from, both coming to fruition pretty suddenly. Amongst all that, I’ve been pretty distracted by my other fandoms, especially Marvel, and I’ve been reading a killer book series that I’m utterly in love with. (The Throne of Glass novels by Sarah J. Maas. 10/10 recommend.) But I knew I needed to get back into Shane and Sy’s story, especially given the new and rekindled interest in the subject matter. In all honesty, I’ve had most of it written for months. It’s just been a matter of finishing it off to set up the rest of the story.

I really hope you all enjoy Chapter 20, Second Assist, and would love your feedback and notes. You are all so important to this story, and your notes, reblogs, and comments are cherished. Thank you so much for reading! Love from Hannah!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. This is an original work by me, Hannah. Please reblog if you wish to share. Please do not repost either in whole or part, as the work of anyone but myself. Thanks so much for reading!

Tags:

@onlyhenrys @cavillryarchive @summersong69 @titty-teetee @bloodyinspiredfuck @agniavateira@oddsnendsfanfics @omgkatinka @thisismysecretthirstblog @speakerforthedead0 @tumblnewby @suavechops @radkesgirl83 @wheretheriversrunintothesea @heartfelt-pen @auds24 @geekycanuck @lunarstarknight @wilma-g @coldmuffinbanditshoe @feralrunaway @sugarpenchant @bichibibi @mzchievous-blog @shesakillerkween @madbadidc7ed @foodieforthoughts @toomanyfandomsshreya @oqueequesentes-borboletas @kebabgirl67 @indigosaurus (some of you new readers didn’t ask, but I took the liberty. If you want me to remove you, I totally will without hard feelings.)

If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Shane woke in her warm bed, late morning sun streaming in through her sheer curtains, the heavier drapes parted to let in the light. She wished she'd remembered to close them before now. She really was not ready to be awake.

She was sore. Achy. Her sleep had been fitful and full of shadowy nightmares and muffled screams. Beyond that, she didn't try to remember images or events. She knew the general premise of the dreams. It would take a lot of time, effort, or a miracle to make her forget those traumas she'd been through in the last week. Not even forget. She knew she never would. But move on from them. Accept them. And heal from them…even that seemed a mighty obstacle. One she was not sure she could surmount.

Through the open bedroom door, she could hear Lynyrd Skynyrd and the clanging and sizzling of pans, and she could smell bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Sy had left the room, but had not, it seemed, gone far. She gingerly sat up, stood from the bed, and donned her robe as she walked out into the hall and down the corridor to the kitchen.

The sight before her warmed her heart. There was Sy. In only his boxers, daringly frying the notoriously dangerous breakfast meat. Upon her entry to the kitchen, she could also smell pancakes, and she thought syrup, as well. He seemed to be warming a bottle of the maple unction in a pot of hot water. He turned as she stepped on a squeaky floorboard, and grinned widely at her.

"Mornin' sunshine." And she was struck by the irony of someone with such a radiant smile calling her sunshine. Especially when she didn't feel much like beaming. But she couldn't help return the expression, even through her pain.

"Mornin' bear. Did you go to the store?" She knew she couldn't have any bacon in her fridge, and she doubted her eggs and milk were still good at this point. But she also couldn't think that he would leave her for any reason.

"Nah, some of the guys brought over some provisions. Matt worked on your car all night, too, and filled up the tank. It's as good as new. He and Nate brought ‘er over as well as the groceries. I just had ‘em get stuff I knew your family wouldn't be bringing later. They've had tons of food given to them this week, and they're ready to share. You should have seen your mom loading me down with sandwiches and chips and whatnot when I visited them."

"I still can't believe you met them. I really wanted to introduce you personally." Shane's face fell. She would never be able to get that back. She wanted to cry. Sy had poured her a cup of coffee and sat it in front of her with her favorite creamer.

"Darlin' I’m so sorry. I had to talk to them."

"I know." she sniffed. "I'm not mad. Not at you. Just…"she didn't want to say Elliott's name. "I'm disappointed that the experience was stolen from me." That so many things had been stolen from her. By that monster. There was no other way to describe him. Sy growled. As if he could read her mind. He really just knew her well enough and shared her thoughts.

"Well, don't worry, we'll have a nice dinner with them one of these days, and we can pretend. Sound good?"

"Yeah, and I can feign nervousness." she laughed.

"And I'll pretend too. That I'm scared to meet your dad." he chuckled. "What if he threatens me with his shotgun?"

"I'll pull the ol' 'Daddy, no, I loooooove him!' line, as I throw myself between you!"

"That oughta work." he laughed and kissed her on the forehead as he stepped toward the stove and flipped a pancake.

As they sat eating their late breakfast, Shane's mind wandered. Nothing had changed on the surface, but everything was different now. This cozily mundane breakfast with her boyfriend felt like an out of body experience. As delicious as it was, as wonderful and comforting as it should feel, her guard was up. Even through her amiable façade. She was not the person she was two weeks ago. She was not the same woman who said goodbye to Sy at the base. Maybe that was the real transformation. Maybe that was why nothing felt normal. It wasn't the world, but her own self coming back into it.

"Shane?" Sy asked, gently, but it felt like he was speaking through a megaphone directly into her ear. She was so startled, she nearly dropped the half full mug of coffee that was paused midway to her lips. A bit sloshed out onto the table and splashed her shirt.

"Shit!" she chided herself. It wasn't a big deal, but she felt stupid jumping at the sound of her own name.

Sy reached for the closest towel, hanging from the oven handle, grabbed it and started for her clothes with it. She stopped him. But she couldn't think about why the intimate act made her uncomfortable.

"No, don't, it's fine. These clothes have seen better days, anyway." She pulled the towel from him and began to mop up the small puddles of coffee around her plate.

Sy seemed to note the stains already present on the shirt, as if trying to divine their history. She was something of a messy eater, so the battle wounds of many a barbecue, spaghetti dinner, and hurried breakfast peppered the now off-white SATB club tee she'd gotten her second or third year in college choir. She thought back to a huge room with high ceilings. White, cinder block walls, flecked tile floors, a beautiful, glossy, black baby grand in front of a long whiteboard with black lines to resemble sheet music. She thought about the mnemonic device she'd learned to help her remember what notes appeared on each line, and in the spaces between them. She pondered the deeper meanings and implications of these devices. EGBDF…every good boy does fine. She thought about the "good boys" in her life. She knew many. Her dad, her brother Ethan, Sy, obviously, her many male coworkers and friends…and honestly they did far better than "fine." They were wonderful. But she was letting the "bad boys" she'd encountered dictate her mood. Permeate her psyche. Tear her down. She didn't want to be like this. Then FACE came to mind, and above their purpose of indicating the notes between the lines on the staff, they called her to action. To face these newly minted demons with all the strength she knew she possessed, and she too would "do fine." But as with almost all actions, this was easier said than done.

She felt a warm presence on her left hand which had paused it's torture of the now coffee-infused kitchen towel. Sy's hand was squeezing hers gently.

"Shane." he uttered, barely above a whisper this time. She looked at him through tears that she had not realized had formed. He continued.

"Shane, what can I do, darlin'? I'll do anything."

"Babe, you're doing everything you can, and more. This…this is all going to have to come from me. I…don't know when I'll be myself again…" she paused, tears streaming now. "I'm…I'm different."

"You're not though." he reached for her face, but she pulled away.

"I am, damn it! Sy, I was…" Words had power. And the one she was thinking of had more power than she thought was warranted. She knew that uttering it would take away it's power…and yet mustering the courage and strength to actually do so…seemed impossible. She took a deep breath, and disassociated herself from the statement, even though it was about her own past.

"I was raped." She refused to cry. She felt it all again. She had never said the words. She had never thought it necessary. Everyone understood. Sy, his friends, and she was sure her own loved ones had made the connection. But she knew she needed to say it now to drive home the points she was about to make.

Sy, looked at the table, nodding, not needing to be told in so many words something he already had surmised from the clear evidence. He remained silent. She went on.

"I love you, Sy. I have since the day we met, on one level or another, and I believe that I always will. But I…right now I can't be a proper girlfriend to you. I can't…be with you, touch you, be touched by you, in the way we used to be. In the way you deserve…and I don't know when…or even if…I ever will. Not that I don't want to. That's ALL I want in the world. To go back. To be the woman who fell in love with this…incredible man. To make love with you, but…I can't."

Sy's eyes were full of tears, their predecessors already descending his round cheeks and disappearing into his thick, dark beard.

"Sy, I don't want to lead you on and keep you tied to a relationship with no life in it. You deserve someone who's whole. Someone who can be a fully invested partner for you, and not this broken, damaged--"

"You stop that, Shane. I won't hear no more of this kinda talk. Y'hear? You're my girl. My woman. My person. No matter what. You gotta know I'd never leave ya just cuz you aren't ready for sex again. You don't think that I would, do ya?"

"Well, you went to Virginia…you took that job…knowing the distance it would put between us. Literally and figuratively."

"Biggest mistake of my life." Shane raised her eyebrows in surprise as Sy elaborated. "I couldn't focus on my classes without wishing you were there. Wishing I could team up with you for discussions and hand to hand combat training…that thought got me a little too excited, if you catch my drift." He smirked, pulling a sheepish smile from Shane. "Then in that forest. I dreamt about you every night. I thought of you constantly. I could barely breath sometimes, I missed ya so damned much. I was an idiot. I was insane to think that I needed anything other than you. Any MORE. There IS no more. You're it. You're the MOST! The most important thing in my life."

The declaration hung like vapors in the air, more felt than seen. Tangible yet ethereal.

"And when I found out that you were missing…I was…well, I think I looked like death…and not warmed over. You can ask the program director I met with after I got the news. She could tell I was just sick over it. And as I thought about it on the way home, pieced things together, started thinking about who'd taken you, I got murderous. Shane, I have been in dozens of battles, skirmishes, firefights, you name it. War. But…the sheer bloodlust I felt thinking about what you could be going through…I've never experienced anything like it. Everything was red. Everything. For days. Until I saw you, alive. And then it went red again when I saw the fear and damage on your face." she could tell he was doing his best not to talk about the farmhouse and that basement, but she still flashed back to the moments before and after his appearance there. The moments when she simultaneously prayed to live and hoped to die.

"You don't owe me anything, Shane. I just want you in my life, and I don't care what your presence looks like. Romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between. I'm here for you. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Shane felt the urge to wrap her arms around her boyfriend, but could not seem to move more than one arm to place her other hand on top of his. She hoped the gratitude and love behind the small, but heartfelt gesture landed. It was all she had in that moment, no matter how abundant her affection.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shane's family's arrival was a complete blur to her. It was joyous, tearful, and the happiest she'd been in a long time. The moment she opened the front door for them, she was surrounded, engulfed with hugs from her parents and siblings. They stood in their affectionate huddle for several moments before Peg waved Sy over with marked insistence. He'd been standing by, observing happily, but not wanting to intrude on the familial reunion.

When they finally dispersed, John asked the two younger men to help him bring in groceries. The women headed into Shane's bedroom for a more private setting in which to talk. Shane filled her mother and sister in the best she could given the rawness of the wounds left on her mind by the events.

She leaned against the headboard cuddling with Gabby while her mom rubbed her feet. She had insisted on doing this thing that had always comforted her children, and made them feel much better when they were younger.

"Well, I'm very proud of you, pumpkin." The girls both looked at their mother, who rather uncharacteristically hadn't spoken in some time. Shane was nonplussed. Peg elaborated.

"You survived something that many women don't. You're talking about it now, which even more women don't. You may think you're broken, but you're just a tree damaged by a storm, but standing stronger than ever." Trust her mom to lay such wisdom on her. When she felt like giving up. When she just wanted pity. When she could only see defeat. Her mother had always found a way to encourage and buoy her and show her the victory.

"Mom's right." Gabby affirmed, and it was Peg's turn to be nonplussed, as the two women, though similar in so many ways, never seemed to see eye to eye. "It's true. Shane I've seen a lot of women come into the clinic in shoes very much like yours. And trust me…some of them…they don't make it to this point. You've got a long way to go before you're fully recovered, don't get me wrong, but you'll get there. You have us. And you have Sy."

"And then there's Sy." She diverted. "How am I supposed to plan any sort of future with him when…" She looked at her mom, and hesitated. Peg rolled her eyes.

"Shane, I know what the two of you get up to when you're alone. You don't have to be shy with me."

"Still…" she took a breath and spoke. "When I can't bring myself to…sleep with him?"

"Look at him, you're kidding, right?" Gabby chided, insensitively, but recanted at the pained expression on Shane's face. "Sorry, sis. Trying to lighten the mood a touch. Too soon. But seriously, I don't think this reluctance you feel will be permanent."

"And even if it is," Peg took over, "that man is out-of-his-mind in love with you, Shaney." She kissed Shane's toe before putting a sock on her foot. "He almost seems to worship you. Now, you know how I feel about using that term outside of religious context, but that is exactly the kind of love I want for you. Devout, and unconditional."

"But, mom, I can't--"

"Did you hear me? I said 'unconditional,' sweetie." Peg interrupted. "No matter what. No matter the obstacle. No matter the distance. No matter the circumstances. Love unwavering. That's what Sy has for you. I've seen it in him. Trust the momma."

The insistence her mother placed on trust had always ruffled Shane's feathers. Gabby's too, who she could feel stiffen slightly beside her. But Shane, for once, really wanted to trust her mother, hoping against hope that she was right. And that she, herself wouldn't screw up the best relationship she had ever been in or was likely to ever be in again.

The girls had begun talking about some of the coworkers who'd brought food in the past week, and Peg couldn't resist remarking on the character of her favorites and judging the ones she didn't care for…oddly enough, getting more or less, the correct measure of them, as Shane saw it.

After what must have been an hour from the time they'd arrived, they heard a knock on the slightly ajar bedroom door. John poked his head in.

"Ladies, we've put a casserole in the oven, and completed various manly projects around the house--"

"Oh, daddy, what projects?" She cringed. She hated that the men had felt the need to "fix" things.

"Babe, your guest bathroom had not one, but two leaky faucets, your kitchen table seemed to be more of a teeter-totter, and half the light bulbs in the living room were out. Among other tiny things. You're welcome." he smirked his crooked smirk so similar to her own, and she returned it as if he was looking in a mirror.

"Thanks, dad."

"Anyway, lunch is almost ready. So, when you've finished your confab, let's eat."

Dinner passed amiably, Shane found a reserve within herself to allow some quasi-normal behavior, as long as you didn’t look too closely. She was talking animatedly with her siblings, making their parents and Sy laugh riotously. Shane noticed some odd looks passing between Sy and her father, but chalked it up to paranoia. She wished at least Gabby and Ethan could stay, but Heather would be over soon, and she deserved her own dedicated time. Shane wanted to give that to her.

She said her farewells to her family with promises to visit them the next day, and at least one more time before her siblings went back home, if she could work it out.

Sy was so wonderful the whole time. Standing by her, a hand resting lightly on her shoulder as they waved goodbye to the departing vehicle. He made her feel so safe. They went into the kitchen and cleaned up from lunch. Well, Sy cleaned. Shane was texting Heather about when she'd be over.

"Heather says she'll be here in about a half hour. She's picking up wine and pizza." Shane told Sy without looking up from her phone. She could see out of the corner of her eye, though, that he had just closed the dishwasher and was selecting a cycle.

"Sounds great. Do you want me to get out of here? Give you guys some time, one on one?" He asked as he dried his hands, wet from preparing dishes for the machine.

She thought about it, and shuddered. She played a scene in her head that startled her. In her mind's eye, she saw Sy leave and then moments later heard a knock on the door. Presuming it was Heather, she opened the door with abandon, only to see Elliott standing there under a flickering porch light, smirking maliciously at her and ready to overpower and abduct her again. She shook the thought from her head, but remained uneasy as she answered his question.

"Uh, no. Thanks. I'm sure she'll want to talk to both of us. She likes you." Shane grinned softly at Sy in an attempt to mask her trepidation over the thought of him leaving her alone for any period of time. She thought it had worked.

"Okay, well, whatever you think, sunshine. I don't wanna get in the way." He was wiping down the countertops. She felt so impossibly full of love for him, she was starting to wonder how she hadn't yet burst with it. She couldn't bear the thought of holding him back from a fulfilling relationship. He deserved everything she couldn't give him right now. And she knew she should make him leave her. Cut him loose. But she was, as she'd been since she'd met him, a weak woman. She couldn't stand the thought of being without him. Of him no longer being hers. And somehow worse, of not being his, herself. She would always need him for so many reasons, not least of which being her love for him. Maybe one day, she'd recover from this trauma, and be able to be who he deserved. To give him what he needed.

"You're never in the way, bear." She walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed him as tight as she could. He placed a loving hand over hers, sighing and smiling, though she had no visual proof of the latter. It was just a feeling.

Heather's greeting was no less exuberant than that of Shane's family, but it was more joyful and less emotional, even though she was immensely relieved to see her best friend after so long. They talked as if no time had passed, and Shane mustered up the dregs of her former self to have one more interaction for the day. Thank God it was Heather and not someone who would require more. She wouldn't have it to give.

"I am so glad you're okay, Shane! Things around the clinic have been bleak as fuck. Susan is loosing her mind, Anita is beside herself with concern, and the rest of us just plain ol' miss the hell out of you. And not just because of all of the overtime everyone has been pulling to get your patients seen."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize…wow, I'm awful. I didn't even think---"

"That you'd be missed? Think again, sister. The place would fall apart if you ever really left. But don't feel guilty. It's the least everyone can do, and they've all said it themselves. We all love you, and know that you'd do the same for any of us if you could at all. Hopefully you won't have to, though!"

Shane nodded, eyes wide in agreement. She wouldn't wish the last week of her life on her worst enemy. On the worst person in the world. Except maybe the people responsible. Tit for tat.

"Well, I'm sorry my absence has caused extra work for all of you." Shane looked into the deep glass of Chardonnay Sy had poured her from the bottle Heather had brought. She felt about as small as the air bubble making it's way up the sloping curve of the stemless vessel. She felt a guilt that she knew was fully void of logic. It made no sense for her to feel guilt for being kidnapped. But she had always had this notion, this nagging voice in her head that told her that her misfortunes were a direct result of her decisions. That she'd inadvertently stepped on the butterfly that resulted in the monsoon she was currently experiencing, and whatever cataclysmic events she would face next.

"Why in God's name are you apologizing for this, Shay?" Heather's tone was kind, but still mildly scolding.

"If I'd never been with Elliott, none of this would have--"

"Bitch, are you a fortune teller?"

"No, but--"

"Soothsayer?"

"No."

"Time traveler?"

"I wish!" Shane chuckled. But she really did wish.

"Have you any real and proven success at consistently predicting the future?"

"I don't, but--"

"No. No buts. No howevers. You had no idea what becoming involved with Elliott could have done. Were there signs, sure. But you can't look on the past as a rubric to judge the quality of your decisions. You know that. You can only learn from your mistakes. And you have."

"Heather's right, sunshine. You really have learned. You look for Elliott's behaviors in mine and shut me down quick if you see 'em. You're not going to let yourself go down that road again. And I'm proud of you for it."

Shane silently worried her wine glass. It was hard to argue with such truth. But it was hard to agree when her own feelings were in such stark opposition. So she did neither.

"Well, I've preached my sermon for the day." she laughed. "I've taken up enough of your time. Oh, your phone. It's in my purse. I think it's fully charged, but I turned it off."

Shane thanked her friend, then Heather hugged them both and took her leave.

"Y'okay, bug?" Sy asked her after what she surmised was several minutes of silence. Minutes she didn't notice as they passed.

"Mmm…" she trailed off.

"Can I do something for ya?" And she really thought about the question. He could probably do a lot of things for her. He could make love to her until she felt whole again, even if it hurt her at first. Not an ideal option. He could probably get them both some new identities and enough money to spirit her away to somewhere her past wouldn't follow. If she became someone new, literally, would she have to bring that old baggage, those old scars, with her? Again, suboptimal. But he could definitely take the source of all grief and turmoil in her life far into the Missouri back country, somewhere not even the hunters would venture, some fallow field or forgotten cistern, and end him. Snuff out his spark of life like a candle caught in a tornado. Spill a fatal amount of his monstrous blood onto the unforgiving earth and send him to the Hell to which he was undoubtedly destined. But did she want that? Did she want another soul as a scar on that of the man she so deeply cherished? He'd say it was worth it. He'd say he'd take a thousand more for her. A million. That was Sy.

"Nothing comes to mind." She lied. And he knew it was a lie, but didn't push it. She was so grateful that he respected her, not for the lie itself, but for the reason she wasn't giving him the whole truth just now.

His phone went off and he picked it up as he stood from his seat at the table. She could only hear that it was Matt, the guy she thought she understood had the car place, before she heard tension in Sy's voice. Even from the next room, she could tell something was wrong, though he was talking too quietly for her to make out words.

She heard him suddenly shout a stream of profanities that he rarely said at all around her, at least, let alone together. There was a bang, and the walls of her kitchen quaked like the tectonic plates beneath them were shifting.

Sy walked back in, his face was red, as were his knuckles. He was shaking an injury out of his hand.

"What's wrong?" she asked, deep concern at his appearance and demeanor, suddenly ominous.

"I need to fix your wall in there." he grumbled, evading, without success. She'd be doing therapy on his hand, next.

"What's really wrong?" she repeated, sternly.

"That was Matt. Elliott's…escaped, somehow. He's in the wind."

Shane's heart became so heavy, she could almost feel it smashing through the kitchen floor and burying itself deep in the cement floor of her basement.

"Oh, God! No! What if he goes to the police!?"

"Fuck that, I'm more concerned about him coming after you!"

The two stared, faces full of equal measures of concern for the other.

Up Next: Chapter 21-Patient Education

#netflix #netflix sand castle #captain syverson #Captain Syverson x OFC #captain syverson fanfic #sigh for sy #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x reader

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nyxocity · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Questions!

Thanks to @redmyeyes for the tag!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

82, although that's not even close to my actual total. There's a bunch on LJ that have never been transferred (all shorter works)

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,780,805 (over 2mil on LJ)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly three, plus a couple dips into a few other pools. X-Men Comic Book fandom, Buffy & Angel fandom (they kinda count as one since it's the same universe), and Supernatural & SPN RPF. Dips have included Dragon Age, Firefly, a tiny bit of TVD, a Sons of Anarchy crossover.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is tough if I go by numbering. Homework Verse has the most kudos scattered across all parts, but Stranger Than Fiction has the most as a single story. Anyway...

Homework Verse (J2 RPF, 200k+ words) - My very first RPF fic, Supernatural or otherwise. Two of my online fandom friends basically TOLD me I was going to write Teacher/Student J2, and I kept protesting that I drew the line at RPF. They didn't care. 200k later, here we are. This story was a game changer for me; it made me fandom famous. I still love those boys with my whole heart, and they still talk to me sometimes.

Stranger Than Fiction (Sam/Dean, 50644 words) - This story idea took root immediately following the episode The Monster at the End of This Book. I quit the Big Bang I'd already begun writing for that year (which was Who Watches Over Me, which I finished and posted for BB the following year) to write this story. It just took hold hold of me and took over. I wrote it in 6 weeks and it was easily the most fun I ever had writing anything--I cackled like a madwoman most of the time.

Who Watches Over Me (J2 RPF, 96591 words) - This story was, at the time, the toughest thing I'd ever written. Little did I know that would become the norm and not the exception, as I began to write more complex stories. It was by far the longest story I had ever posted all at once in its entirety (rather than chapter by chapter) and I had no idea if people would like it. Fortunately a lot of people did.

Like Staring Into the Sun (Sam/Dean, 23243 words) - Ah, my very first hardcore Wincest fic. I remember writing the first chapter of the story (meant to be a one shot honestly), and just sitting there, at 5am, being terrified to post it. It was twisted, dark and intense and SO porny I was scared people might think I was weird. There wasn't anything like it out there at the time. As it turns out, people loved it so much I ended up writing eight more parts.

Like a Fish Out of Water (Sam/Dean, 59498 words) - I have a lot of love for this story. It didn't come to me easily, but it was fun to write. I remember smiling a lot and just having a nice, warm cozy feeling the whole time. I had no idea if anyone was interested in reading this many words of what amounted to a dramedy curtain fic

Of course there are other stories that I feel deserve love, but I can't argue with these.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do. And by that, I mean I try. I don't always succeed in answering them all, but I answer as many as I have time and energy for. Life is busy and there is writing to do as well. I read every comment I get (multiple times) and I feel guilty for all the ones I don't answer, because they mean SO MUCH TO ME. Like you took time to leave this beautiful, well thought out comment, or even a keysmash, or a heart, in response to something I wrote. That means the world.

I WISH there was a reaction function for comments on Ao3, so I could heart things, or laugh in response. Replying with emojis without words feels weird. So yeah, a reaction function would be amazing. But in the meantime, I do my best.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. Probably A Touch of Evil. Interestingly, it's also a HAPPY ending, so there you go lol. It's a serial killer love story with a happy ending that comes at an exorbitant price.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not sure why the OG post skips from 6 to 8 lol . So, yes, I have written a few minors crossovers. Mostly Faith in the SPN verse with the boys, nothing too crazy, because she fits right in. But for long stories, I have written all of ONE crossover. It's Dean Winchester/Jax Teller (SPN / Sons of Anarchy). My crossovers so far have tended to make sense to crossover, so I don't think any of them are crazy.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got some hate on a Buffy/Xander fic back in the day. I got really excited and had fun with it. Like yeah, now I'm SOMEBODY! You're no one til someone hates you lol Most of that was people who were haters of the ship, or were like, gross, they're like brother and sister (they weren't, they were FRIENDS). I've gotten nasty comments here and there on some of my SPN fic. My favorite was the person who accused me of having a "Top Dean Agenda". I STILL laugh about that one. I don't respond to that crap.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Have you MET ME? LOL If I ever post a story without smut just put me out to pasture, because I'm done. And all kinds. Het, Gay, PWP, Plotty porn, mostly super kinky but some vanilla (but intense). I used to challenge myself regularly to see if I could up my kink game--like hmm, but could I write THIS? I haven't written really kinky sex in a long time, though. Might be time to do that.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several times. Who Watches Over me was stolen by someone and converted to One Direction Lourry fic. Literally just did a name change. Someone else stole a bunch of my one shots and passed them off as their own. I know there were a couple other instances but I only vaguely remember. I never got too deep into it, most of the time the people who discovered the theft already told everyone else too, and the plagiarist had been hammered by them so hard that I didn't have to step in before they took it down.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. I used to get requests so often that I just posted my usual response in my profile for people to read instead of replying. Definitely into Russian and Chinese for most of the stories listed with most kudos above.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A few times on one shot fics. SO MUCH FUN. I love co-writing with people.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Sam/Dean. Easily. Hands down. I just love their unique relationship, bond and love so much.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well I finally finished A Touch of Evil after posting 3 chapters in 2009 and never touching it again until 2017. And I never thought I'd finish that. So never say never, I say. That said, there's the third and final part of my X-Men comic book epic that remains unfinished by about five (shorter) chapters, and it HAUNTS ME. But I don't think I'll ever finish it.

16) What are your writing strengths?

NOW we get to the hard questions. I'm really good at dialogue, bouncing banter back and forth between characters, and I have a sense for how long a scene should be. I just KNOW when it's going on too long, even if there's more that needs to be said, and I try to tighten it up in that case.

A friend of mine once told me "Porn is my gift". I don't write as much of it as I used to, but yeah, I shine in that area.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

So I always reach a point after writing so many words in an unpublished fic where I'm like, I have no idea if this is even any good/makes sense/hangs together etc. Beyond that, I've been writing for so long that I've had so much practice that I've strengthened a lot of my weaknesses. I'm sure I still have some, but I don't FEEL them like I used to anymore. That said, there are things I simply will not write. Like historical pieces. Because I would research the fuck out of every detail trying to get it perfect and then I would still doubt myself completely.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I mostly try to avoid it, because there's no way I would ever get the language correct. I usually write it in English and then explain that they're saying it in another language. Like, "What are you doing?" the man asks, speaking in Chinese. Then reiterate in the continuing dialogue in various ways that they're speaking in Chinese.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

X-Men Comic Book fandom. I was reading a lot of Remy/Rogue fic back in 1996-1997, and one day I was like, you know what? This person did a pretty good job on this story. It's not great, but it's pretty good, and if they can have the guts to put it out there, then I can do it, too.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is a tough question. I don't love all my children equally, but I love them all a lot in different ways lol

Remembering favorite is different than which one I think is BEST... Homework Verse is probably my favorite. I was learning so much about writing then, I was really growing, and discovering, and pushing my limits. Those characters lived and breathed in me, I swear they spoke through me from some alternate universe. They feel so REAL to me. There's so much of what I've learned in life in that story, like really, big, life changing ideas and understandings that happened to me that I put into that story. There's so much of me in that story, and yet there's so much of THEM, too. It's their story, but it's also mine. It's raw and not entirely perfect and it feels like home to me.

So that's it, that's my piece. I feel like EVERYONE has been tagged since it took me 3 days to have time to do this, but I'm basically tagging any of you writers out there who haven't done this yet!

#my stories #about me #writing #on writing

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goodwriterwithbadhabits · 3 years ago

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Smooth as Crunchy Peanut Butter

Okay, fun fact, I'm currently learning German, and immediately thought of this. My German sucks, but I don’t hate this. Please tell me if I’m wrong. Anyway, enjoy.

Master List

Liu Yangyang was not a shy person, in fact, most of his friends would say he talked too much. However, from the moment he walked downstairs, this was not the case. He had come down to the lobby with the intention of heading to the pool, but upon seeing you, his whole brain had stopped working. You had smiled brightly at him as you walked by, and Ten had managed to at least wave. Yangyang, on the other hand, had gone full stupid, no thoughts, head empty.

Ten, of course, was the first to notice, seeing as he had to shove the younger boy to get him moving again. Shockingly, it was Lucas who noticed next, although, in hindsight, Yangyang was pretty sure everyone knew. It may have been Yangyang’s idea to go swimming, but he was the only one out of the water, instead just sitting on the edge with his feet in.

"Yangyangie!" He almost falls in the pool when Lucas shouts his name.

"What?"

“What has you so distracted?” Lucas teases, swimming over to his younger brother. The moment he says something, everyone else’s attention is on the pair.

“Huh? No one.”

“No one?” Xiaojun catches on immediately, bobbing over.

"What's their name?" Lucas has a hug grin on his face, which lets Yangyang know there’s no getting out of this conversation.

"Who?" Kun asks, immediately getting motherly.

"Probably, the person at the front desk.” Ten exposes, examining his nails nonchalantly, “Baby brother here got all shy when they smiled at him."

"Ten." Yangyang whines, kicking water at him. "You didn't have to tell everyone."

"You should talk to them."

"Not a chance." He immediately shoots down Winwin's suggestion, shaking his head frantically, "I don't even know what I would say. I can't talk to people and what if they weren't interested?"

"I have a solution." Ten has a wicked smile on his face, which makes Yangyang immediately nervous.

"I don't like that."

"It's simple, I dare you to talk to the front desk person-"

"No, hey-"

"In German." Yangyang’s mouth hangs open as he tries to figure out a way to continue his protest, but he suddenly can’t find a reason to. That wasn't a bad idea, he was a much smoother talker in German than he was in English.

“Alright fine, but if it works, you’re buying everyone dinner.”

“Deal.”

And that's how he ended up here, nervously walking up to you as you typed away on the computer. Ten, Lucas and the others had taken a seat in the lobby’s lounge area, and he was thankful no one else is around. You can do this, you’re smooth, smooth as peanut butter. He lets out a quick breath, leaning on the counter to look cooler.

"Hallo, wie geht's dir, schöne?" Oh yeah, super smooth.

"Mir geht's gut. Du?" You don't even look up from the computer when you reply, making Yangyangs brain revert back to idiot mode. His mouth hangs open as he computes what you just said.

"What?" Smooth as crunchy peanut butter. You look up at him with a raised eyebrow, and he snaps his mouth shut.

"Entschuldigung, du sprichst Deutsch, ja?" Your head tilts sideways slightly, and he has to hope his face isn’t super red.

"Ja.” He replies, nodding slowly, “I just wasn't expecting you to reply." You giggle at his comment, which has his heart fluttering.

"I like to surprise people." You shrug, offering him a genuine smile. When you glance back down at the computer, he looks over at his brother, eyes wide and begging for help. All the boys are making variations of the ‘call me’ sign, trying to encourage him.

"Uh hey, I was wondering, if it's not too personal-"

"I get off at 7am, should be free around around two or three." You don’t let him finish, or even look up at him as you slide a small piece of paper his way.

"Uh, yeah. For sure.” How is this working? “Can I text you?"

"Well I'd hope so." You giggle again, and Yangyang’s legs almost buckle.

"Okay, cool." Genius. With that very intelligent comment, he walks away. The boys play it cool as they congratulate him, patting him on the back and guiding him to their rooms. When Ten glances back to see your reaction, he has to physically stop himself from laughing. He watched you silently scream, and duck down behind the counter with wide eyes, and red cheeks.

Oh yeah, you two were a match made in heaven.

Taglist: (cause yall liked my og post, if i didn’t tag you, its cause Tumblr wouldn’t let me)

@jaeismytamtation

@junglewoos

@got7teenexoticup10tionboys

@lutentrash21

#goodwriterwithbadhabits #liu yangyang #yangyang #yangyang imagines #yangyang imagine #wayv yangyang #wayv imagine #wayv imagines #wayv

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spade-snax · 4 years ago

Text

Alright, follow-up post to the "ooooo serious post" I made earlier. You can tell I wasn't really feeling too well when I made it appear ten times more serious than it really is. My apologies, I was overthinking things again.

But my point stands, it is more serious than more things and I need to step my foot down and listen to my needs. (And all the other things around me. Oh, here's a quick sorry again if this is written way worse than my previous post, I woke up a while ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I went to sleep.)

What I want to talk about first is the name for the AU, being "Cingesnax". I haven't chosen the name myself, it popped up suddenly and people began using it/recognizing the AU as such and so I began tagging my reblogs and posts using the name. However to myself I still just call it "Shadow Filbo AU"

I'm not naming names, and you probably know who I am talking about but for a while there was an user who felt quite hurt by the use of "Cringe" in the name. I don't really like the name either, but I don't mind it as much.

I hammer it in often, which I am sure everyone knows and respects but - this AU is NOT meant for any harassment or making fun out of things. It's purely lighthearted fun and shitposting. It's tributing those things. To me these characters are based on me and my childhood which I poke fun at.

I can see why someone would feel hurt or targeted by the use of the word cringe around these things, considering how it's been used/overused to harm people.

I feel like I had to address this because I do not want to feel like anyone is targeted because of my creation. There won't always be people who like it, yes - but as the creator I feel liek I need to take some respolsibility here. And seeing people ahrmed is the last thing I want, really.

(The person does understand now though, they've replied to me and they're fine, so that's good, but I wonder if there's people who feel upset and haven't spoken up. I mean, that's their thing, they can just block the tag, which is why I overtag my things wich character names and such if you just don't want to see them for any reasons, especially triggers.)

I am still overthinking this and making this more serious, sure. And I KNOW not everyone will read and agree to this, but a simple solution to stop people from coming to conclusions would be figuring out a new name, or just me hammering it in even more as the og creator of this whole thing that it is lighthearted fun.

(Hell, a lot of the things being "made fun of" in this AU I genuinely like or are still a part of. Like Furry Gramble - I am a furry myself, and as I've said many times before he is heavily based on me when I was a younger, way more edgy furry kid.)

But that isn't the main and only reason why I am here and I am just overexplaining myself and making things appear way worse than they are. It's just me overthinking, really - but I still feel like letting everyone know and be responsible is important. Just a lil' reminder, a bop on the head if you will. Nothing too bad, but I fear nobody will read it if I'm not serious in the slightest.

Anyways, onto the other thing, being how this affected me as a peson. I absolutely LOVE seeing everyone's involvement and creations! I'm so very glad my creation brings joy to so many people, not only me and my friends. That it brings us together to just have fun, bond, and create. As said to me before, the fandom hasn't had anything like this before so I believe Shadow Filbo is important in that regard.

I'm still just a person and I want to talk about my work and interests to other people. Like people, you know. But I've also made it as an effort as a creator of a thing to respond to all the fanart I get, and just help people's work get out there. Same with OCs and all other creations within the AU. It all deserves to be seen, you're a great artist. And it makes me really happy to see people happy themselves when I respond to their work.

And even if the amount of stuff I've been getting daily has slowed down, it's still quite overwhelming to me sometimes. It feels like a chore sometimes and I don't wanna force a "YOOO ADSJDFEWRGREWGBRSTH" reaction onto everything because it's not always so genuine. I love seeing all the work but I won't have the excitement if reblogging it and putting in all the tags feels like a chore to me.

I want all this to be genuine and I've been feeling drained. It's absolutely amazing and I am glad that I had the chance and luck to have my work well-knowna nd noticed within a small community to be recognized even by the CREATORS of the thing I am hyperfixating on. But at the same time I feel responsible for a lot of stuff, and the effort I've made to be interactive is quite draining, as I've stated before.

It's taking a bit of a toll on me, and getting more stuff to respond to is like - dishes in the sink piling up into a bigger pile. I genuinely love all of this, but I'm just tired. I need a little break from responding to all of this... Just all the attention and stuff is making me socially exhausted. Definitely the fact I'm a massive introvert and my ADHD kicking in veery nicely. /s

I'm probably going to only reblog stuff involving my characters for the AU and Shadow Filbo himself - and any discussion in regards to the AU. Not someone else's art and OCs for the AU. There's a lot of it. Anyways, I'm starting to lag a little bit with how long this is getting. Yes, my computer is just that weak.

I'm already loosing track of what I've said but, yeah.

This AU has been great, I love it. I love you guys. I am happy for all the cool new people I've met, even if we aren't exactly friends. It's taken a bit of a toll on me and I'll do my best to take care of myself and just - not let it take effect on me. And I hope we can keep this place as accepting and inviting as it can be. Even if it takes changing the name etc. Though i know I cannot change individual folk's opinions.

Yeah, this is realy long now and I am getting double thoughts on this - and I have a test in 20 minutes so I am not sure how active I can be with this, but I doubt I'll be getting many responses yet considering it's 3 or so AM in the US. (9:50 AM here)

Cya guys, take care too. I'll upload a doodle I did yesterday as a little comfort thing after this :)

I hope I can get back onto working on OCs too, and just kinda sit down without artblock or executive dysfunction. Buh-bye now

(Also, sorry this is written in weird blocks/paragraphs, I'm doing this so it's easy on *my* eyes.)

#ramble #rambles #long #longpost #txt #shadow filbo #shadow filbo au #cringesnax #keeping that tag for now #I'm gonna have regrets once I'm less tired #The second I have slight regrets while typing or doing something I WILL regret it more later #I've made that observation well enough #But I hope what I mean comes across well enough...#bugsnax

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universal-kitty · 3 years ago

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1 for the AU meme for your ship with REGGIE I MEAN WRENCH

Reverse Self-Ship AU Meme

[ referencing This Post ]

What kind of blog does your f/o have?

A general self-ship blog! It's largely focused on the game and pictures of the MC- me!- but he also ship-posts a LOT in reference to his self-ship. Like... As far as "balance" goes, the blog is probably structured about...70% game posts (with majority being his own screenshots), 30% his self-ship content (commissioned art, fanfic [his and comm'd], etc.)

Do they selfship on main?

Yes and no. His main blog has largely been abandoned after he started self-shipping. Said sideblog used to also be a "gaming" sideblog, before he got neck-deep in the game and decided to just give in.

So the blog isn't a main blog, but it might as well be, since it gets more love than most of his accounts. (His Twitter is second-most used. He still retweets pics from the game or fanart, tho.)

Do they look like a regular fan?

More or less, yeah! He still dresses as he did in his OG canon (so very punk, wears his full, electronic mask OR a "face mask" that's all deco'd up), but when lazing around at home or going to a convention, he'll start wearing merch. Maybe on bad/need-comfort days, too.

Otherwise, you'd be hard-pressed to know the shit-talking punk at the local gig is a huge self-ship nerd in love with a video game character.

Quiet reblogs or lots of gushing?

SO much gushing. It's why he made the blog! His friends were sick of him filling up the group chat with his gush-posts, so he understood...and made a blog about it, instead. (Marcus follows it and cheers him on; it was sorta his "fault" that this happened, anyways.)

He's shy to gush on other people's posts/art/etc., so you'll see him get quieter there...but it's very not uncommon for him to make a post after the reblog and gush there, instead. So he doesn't embarrass himself with far more public gushing.

Lots of analyses of your character and your source or incoherent blabbering?

Both! Incoherent blabbering is what most people get after the content runs dry or he doesn't have energy/time that day to get more content... Though he uses his rudimentary people skills (of which he admits to having little) to analyze the game and my character.

...He's also the Fandom Troublemaker as he sometimes posts hot takes in the tags. Largely that he fully believes none of my romance interests are good enough for me and I deserve better, etc. etc. He's a little shit and doesn't pretend otherwise, but there are DEFINITELY people in the fandom who are sick of hearing him, LMAO. (Those who don't have him blocked at this point try to troll... Only to typically get hacked. Bigger "crimes" get worse off, too; Wrench and Co. don't hold back. He's a nuisance, but he's THEIR nuisance and they'll help him shoot back when someone gets really bad.)

Do they have a headcanon blog?

He's considered it, but ended up just following HC blogs, instead. He's admittedly pretty jealous and very picky on what ships he likes (which are few and far between, especially in-canon), so... He'd rather separate himself from that side of things.

Do they try to roleplay as you?

Also no! 😂 Again with the jealousy/clingy thing... However, he does do F/O Takeovers! He loves those and getting to write out his ideas of how I act, how our relationship is, etc.

(He is definitely the type to icon collect, tho. Another reason why he loves Takeovers! Finally, his screenshotting and editing skills are put to use...!)

#d0nna ake #Aki answers #otp; purrfect anarchy #I LOVE REVERSE AU SM!!!!!#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK #this brainrot will let me live forever

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brawn-gp · 3 years ago

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about this if you use the name in the post (sometimes) IT DOES show up in the search, so let's say you're anti lewis right? if you make a post that has his written name ON the post it doesnt matter if you put an anti tag in the end it will show up, also sometimes people have real criticism about some drivers/teams/people yknow? is not only about if they hate them or not, still you don't want that shit showing up in the drivers tag cuz some fans may see it and take it personally

As far as i'm aware, there's no way a post that doesn't contain mentions of said word in the tags, will show up. The official tumblr statement says:

"Tag pages will show you only posts that have been tagged with the specific term or phrase you're using. If you're on web, you'll also see top blogs in that tag, as well as related tags to check out."

Is the tag system broken? Absolutely. For example, let's say you want to criticise Ayrton Senna while praising Alain Prost (to avoid using current drivers), then you would use "#anti senna #alain prost" right? HOWEVER, if someone searches for "anti prost", they will find your post because you used the words anti and prost. So that's when the ayrton fans come to your throat and confusion happens.

(Again this is to my knowledge) post that aren't tagged won't show up in the searches, but they can appear in google search if someone knows the specific phrases you used and if they know how to search by site. Which, uhh, ain't nobody got time for that methinks.

In an ideal world, the anti tag should work wonders, but between what i said and the fact that fans purposely search for their favorites' anti tags to create drama, everything goes to shit. So yeah, I'm obviously pro-censoring driver's names in the tags (like i explicitly stated in my og post), but I'm still against using asterisks written inside the posts. It means that people who want to filter out a drivers name to not read anything about them, will have to read something about them regardless.

Let's put Nikita Mazepin as an example. Many people had a hard time reading anything regarding him, and it's 100% understandable. So they most likely filtered out his name, so tumblr's filter could catch both the written text and the tags. If they have him filtered they won't even see this particular post, because i put his name fully. But if someone writes his name with asterisks, then that filter won't work.

As regards to your point of people having real criticism, I'm honestly all for it. I think too much is used as "anti" when it shouldn't. It can lead to bubble spaces with 0 awareness and twisted realities [which some people like and i'm not here to judge how each person consumes watching sports because at the end of the day we're all just trying to have a good time] but that's a debate for another time my friend

Also shocker... tumblr changed once again their search system so I don't know how much it will impact what I tried to say lmao

Oof this was long and I'm sorry you had to read all of that haha, anyways I hope you're having a nice day<3

#i'm out of it honestly so i hope this made sense :/#.ask #.longpost

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

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i was wondering, since you were here(tumblr) when s4 happened...how was it? i’ve read it was a disaster and everyone was blind mad and disappointed and many deleted on here and never came back :( so sad to see all that and the wasted hope and opportunities!! Steph, do you still think we’ll get a special? even if it’s a short one? our, and most specially their’s, deserved ending?

it just seems so surreal that you and some others are still so dedicated to the fandom and the motives, theories and contributing. I entered tumblr only a month ago and discovered it all and i just have this fear that everyone is going to vanish away

i’m so sorry for sending the most depressing message ever, i just needed to let it out and for some kind of reason i feel close to you? it must be because you are soo dedicated and i absolutely love that about you! it just blows my mind

Hey Nonny!

I THINK all of these are meant to be together since they were all sent in at the same time and seem to stack properly but if y’all are different Nonnies, I apologize!

So, the aftermath of S4 was a shitstorm, absolutely, because we did expect something so great from a show that, previously, only gave us high-quality content. So when we got what we got, initially it was “how to I theorize from this that makes no sense?” and then it progressively got worse as each episode aired. Once TFP did, a lot of us did just say fuck it and left, and a lot of others tried to make sense of things.

Some great theories eventually did come out of it if only so that S4 makes some sort of sense. I’m with the lot that thinks S4 was fucking garbage and the only way it makes sense to the narrative is if it was fake somehow (I genuinely don’t understand people who think that S4 was great and it’s some sort of mirror series that actually happened and isn’t fake, but not my place to gatekeep), so John’s Alibi / TAB / some blog theory makes the most sense to me logically.

I’m gonna be frank and honest here, and will probably lose friends and followers because of this; I think a lot of people left because of the toxicity from the hardcores. There were a lot of people who were genuinely hurt and didn’t want anything to do with the show but wanted to still interact with fandom, but the hardcores essentially shunned them like some weird cult and proclaimed those that “didn’t believe” weren’t “real fans” and the gatekeeping began anew. It was so fucking ridiculous. Fence-sitters like myself (there were quite a few of us after S4) also got criticized because we didn’t like S4 and had different reading on the show, and eventually a lot of them left too. It even drove out new fans who joined after S4. Eventually, the hardcores quieted down a bit and kept to their own spaces but they won’t let anyone have any dissenting opinions, which is rather sad and not conducive to creativity in my opinion.

The writers and artist now mostly make up the core fandom, because BOY after S4, people were DYING for anything to make S4 better, and the authors just surged in their popularity and creativity. So I’m actually really happy about that. These days most of the fandom oldies are here (the OG authors and artists and old-schoolers) who keep the fandom alive with their theories and stories and works, and I’m just a curator of fandom, nowadays. I still like to write meta and theorize, but a lot of meta writers are now authors, or have moved on from Tumblr to Twitter, (”why?” is the question... the format and timeline are terrible) which is a shitstorm all its own... I don’t like the format of Twitter so I never committed to it, I just use it to promote my lists and art.

Anyway, so yeah, that’s a bit of the fandom history from MY perspective. It’s different for everyone. I know some old-schoolers who are only recently coming back because the toxicity has died down and it’s mostly creative content nowadays. And new fans like yourself who come and get to soak in all of the past content. I envy you for missing out on the drama, really, and I hope you never have to experience it. Tumblr fandoms are a hellscape once shipping slash theory slash blogger wars break out.

That said, with regards to the special, this is a question that’s been asked for years, honestly. A lot of us have various theories, which you can read in my “secret episode” tag, and there’s some in my “twin theory” tag. My current thoughts on it is that they lost their opportunity to air a secret episode years ago, but I do hold out hope for a small nugget on August 8, the same day that TGG aired 10 years ago and officially marks the end of the 10 year anniversary, but I’m not holding my breath.

My thoughts are still generally the same as this post I did a few months ago. I really REALLY want to give Mofftiss the benefit of the doubt and say something happened behind the scenes that prevented a Johnlock ending, but it doesn’t make sense since it’s BBC and BBC Three was all over the “Johnlock 5evah” thing, so... yeah. And I know how Mofftiss are. So. Yeah, I’d love for it to be BBC Sherlock that confirms them as a couple, but I fear it’s not going to ever happen. We’ve got Furtive Festivity, and it’s gross-cute, and I’m happy with that. <3 Maybe Ritchie Holmes will be the ones to do it, but with Warner Bros the ones who get their fingers all over shit, and given their history-similar-to-Disney, don’t think it’s gonna happen either, even though all parties are open to it. :./

Anyway, Nonny, don’t apologize for the content of your ask; it’s my schtick to be approachable. I know a lot of people believe I’m faking it, but I’m really not. I’m lonely and you guys are all I’ve really got in my life, which is sad, but there it is. Helping you guys makes me feel better, though occasionally I do need the words of comfort directed at me too <3

And I’m sorry if anyone was offended by anything I said, because I know I do have a few followers who are people who liked S4 and who do tinhat still more than I, and I just want you to know I have NOTHING against y’all at all. Y’all ain’t going around shitting on people who didn’t like S4. I’m talking specifically people who drove others out of the fandom and didn’t make them feel like part of the family anymore.

We’re all entitled to our opinions, and it’s no one’s place to gatekeep.

#steph replies #chatting with nonnies #fandom history #shitposting steph #s4 shitposting #fandom life #Anonymous

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silver-wield · 5 years ago

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What's your thoughts on when the plate falls and Cloud went to go help Tifa?

My thoughts or my analysis? Cause you’re getting the latter anyway lol I love doing action analysis, there’s so much happening and getting the chance to slow it down is great for getting a fuller picture.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)

Tifa character analysis

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then)

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis

Cloti reunion analysis

The Promise Analysis

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response)

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read)

Cloti action touching

Aerti friendship analysis

Cloti body language chapter 3

Cloti healthy disagreement

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15)

Clerith playground scene

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

This is a 6m scene I'm going over, so I'm gonna skip anything not directly relevant or I'll be here all night lol

So despite our brave heroes best efforts the plate is coming down. We get a power slide from Rude, a call from Tseng (who times it so perfectly was he watching?) and some cloti.

First thing we see if Tifa looking distraught. She has no idea how to stop the plate from coming apart and from the way she's looking at this consol wouldn't know what to do even if she could work the computer. They were so close to winning and now defeat is about to stomp all over them and kill everyone she loves. Tifa is someone whose driven by the desire for those she loves to be safe no matter what. This is a crushing moment for her.

Murderous Cloud is murderous (and kinda hot). I mean, we know he's got very little reservations about killing people in cold blood because he's SOLDIER!Cloud when it comes to a fight, but I do like the deadly intent we see on his face at different points in the game. He looked at Johnny a bit like this back in chapter 3 and now he's looking at Reno the same way. He means business.

And then he doesn't because Tifa's in trouble and we all know Real!Cloud prioritises Tifa's safety above everything else. That's not me saying he's no longer SOLDIER!Cloud, but the difference between the last screen and this is that he was fully in that badass merc mode about to kill Reno because it's what badass mercs do, whereas this is Real!Cloud urging him to refocus all that skill he's got into protective ability and go save the woman he loves.

I get some people might not see the distinction between the two personas, but it's actually really easy when you break it down. If it's about Tifa then Real!Cloud is gonna push for dominant action to keep her safe. If it's any other situation then he's just gonna let SOLDIER!Cloud do what he needs to. Sometimes it's a more conscious battle between the two and sometimes they co-operate. That's how a fractured psyche works within the context of Cloud's character. Don't believe me? You see both of them on screen at the start of chapter 8 in the church. Real!Cloud is the one saying “You okay, buddy?”

How many times can you count that we get an 1st person pov with Cloud in the whole game? Like literally looking through his eyes? Because this is 1st person pov. We are Cloud at this moment in time and he's rushing Rude, but still takes a glance at Tifa. I don't think this happens at any other point. This game is a 3rd person game. We're over everyone's shoulder. We don't get in their head to see through their eyes. This is deliberate framing. We obviously can't see his face or his reaction, but the fact we're seeing this moment as Cloud and he's chosen to look at Tifa is a big thing.

So Rude's pushed the button and Barret's yelling. Cloud actually looks more halfhearted in this swing than I expected. It's like Barret's fury just isn't enough to get his blood boiling lol

He's about to go after him anyway, when Tifa's voice stops him dead. I can't think of a moment in the game where someone else calling for him to stop actually makes him stop.

AH! Honestly this is such a move! Romantic hero hello! I know it's a classic move from Cloud – which is kindly weirdly implemented since we first saw it after OG, but it's been retconned as one of his signature moves with Tifa and only Tifa.

Also! EYE CONTACT! I'm gonna scream about Cloti eye contact until my own eyes cross lol they do eye contact so damn well! The only other person who got Cloud to look him in the eye was Andrea Rhodea lol Everyone else it's either confrontational eye contact or total avoidance. Cloud and Tifa have good eye contact. This highlights how much they trust each other. Even though Real!Cloud is afraid of letting Tifa know how weak he really is, he's ok with her looking him in the eye. He wants her to see the real him.

Now, I know some people go on about Tifa's chapter 3 comment of “Cloud, you're scaring me/your eyes didn't used to look so” as a negative thing. I've already explained why this is fucking bullshit, and I'd like to add that if Tifa wasn't comfortable with him in combat situations or otherwise she wouldn't make eye contact with him. Eye contact is fucking terrifying! You're able to see so much. These two aren't afraid to look in each other's eyes, even with their “I don't think he/she likes me” misunderstandings.

And just to cap it. They both smile to reassure each other they're ok.

Ok, so Reno and Rude are making their exit. Barret tries the FF7 boomer version of turning a computer off and on again by shooting it. Then Tseng proves he's either psychic, a stalker or just dramatic af by appearing on screen at just the right point to answer Tifa's question.

And look at her face! Whoever said she's a heartless bitch can stfu forever! This is the face of a woman who is broken by what's about to happen! She's lived in that slum for five years. She probably knows every local by name, and takes time to actually get to know them too. She cares. So much. She doesn't want anyone hurt. She's pleading for their lives. Pleading with her enemy. Who literally smirked when he said “there's nothing you can do now”. Tseng has no conscience.

Just adding this to be a butt. This is Cloud's reaction to Aerith when he sees her....what reaction? Yeah...

Then he asks where she is in his SOLDIER!Cloud way.

So Aerith gets dragged away and explosions start happening. A siren goes off. Barret and Cloud turn away from the computer. Tifa turns and says, “No no no no no” and Cloud immediately turns back. His eyes widen and he looks a bit lost for a moment. There's nothing he can do for her and he's not got the first clue anyhow, and there's no time. It's hitting him just how much she cares. I mean, he knew, but he didn't know, you know?

Notice the awkward hand there? Yeah, that's an “I don't know how to comfort you, what do I do?” hand gesture. Cloud's literally never seen Tifa like this. She's always trying her best to remain optimistic. She fights hard to protect what she loves. She doesn't fall to her knees defeated.

I'm actually loving all the extra insight all these analyses are giving me into just how reserved, how introverted, how determined Tifa is. She's had a hard fucking life. Born in a dust bowl, lost all her friends to the big city, saw her father murdered, almost died, her town got burnt to the ground but she still somehow managed to pick herself up and build a new life. She did that on her own. Nobody got her to Midgar. When she arrived she was lucky Marle took care of her. She could've been left alone with no support system. She got in with Avalanche and built a new family – even though they don't always see eye to eye on method, she also believes in their goal to stop Shinra and save the planet. She's principled and brave, focused af. But she's not unbeatable. Stuff gets her down. She tries her best to be cheerful, but doesn't always succeed. She keeps her problems to herself. But this? This is too big. This has broken her. She can't stay up and Cloud doesn't know how to help. Not emotionally, anyway.

OMG HE OFFERED HIS HAND!! I didn't see that before!! (Check the spot where his name is, his hand is between Tifa’s hair and arm, palm open.) I knew he grabbed her by the arm and hauled her up when she didn't move, but he's actually holding his hand out for her before that!! She's too in her head to do anything, though, and I don't think Cloud really understands that. Any devastating feelings he had about personal tragedy he's locked away because they literally broke him. It must be distressing on some level for him to see his own emotions mirrored in Tifa. I said before the urge to comfort her starts at the beginning of chapter 13, but maybe the first spark of that is this moment here, when he can't do a thing for her, except pull her along behind him and hope he can keep her alive.

There's some really nice still shots in this game and this is one of them. I don't really have anything to say about it. I mean, we knew Cloud had both hands on Tifa's shoulders so he could direct her where to go and she's not really with it until the moment the debris falls in front of her and shocks her out of her stupor. Cloud's focused on the job at hand, no time to worry about anything but the next obstacle. By keeping both hands on Tifa's shoulders he's ensured he doesn't have to keep checking on her to make sure she's with him. He's basically piloting her because she's not capable of decision making for the moment.

Someone tell me, do action backhugs count? That's non-optional embracing right there. How many of you have seen this exact moment? Because I have literally been replaying the same 4s clip to get the screen for this bit and this is the first time in about 10 replays that I stopped it here. This is the between 1 second frames when the debris falls.

I mean, this is what a bodyguard actually looks like. Cloud's focus is all on keeping Tifa safe. He pulls her close to him, offers strength while she's feeling weak. He is literally using himself as a shield for her. They're such a balanced couple. When one is weak the other is strong for them, and whatever flaws they have they accept. They really are just a great couple!

Probably the worst screen I've ever grabbed lol

I was trying to figure out the moment he took her hand but I can't quite stop on it and it's just a touch too much out of frame. Instead, I got this. EYE CONTACT. I don't need to explain it again, right? We get the whole Cloud/Tifa eye contact deal by now.

Although, at the same time, that's a fucking scary shot of Cloud lol reminds me of that meme with Rinoa and Squall where she says he's the best looking guy there and it's all pixellated lol

Ah! I remembered why I was trying to get their hands, to see if Tifa grabbed his first or he took hers. But I could see through the playback that he took her hand. He initiated contact.

Yknow, I know people often compare the whole one half is always the summoner or mage and the other half is the warrior, but this screen right here looks a lot like another FF couple.

Tidus and Yuna.

I mean...do I have to say more?

Cloud looks behind to check Tifa's ok – I mean she's not but you get the point. Still getting Tidus and Yuna vibes from this moment tbf. This is the exact same type of sequence they had of them in FFX-2 when Yuna's dreaming Lenne's past and she and Tidus replace Lenne and Shuyin. They're running down a corridor and Tidus looks back at her. I mean, seeing how this type of comparison is usually only reserved for the whole mage/warrior pairing, it's strange that their body language here mirrors Square’s first fully voice acted installment. At the time the graphics were cutting edge and the cut scenes are still lauded as some of the most beautiful storytelling. Strange that Tifa and Cloud could have this comparison to Tidus and Yuna, especially with the whole Suteki da ne always being used to prop up a certain ship.

Anyway, Cloud’s checking on Tifa cause he’s totally not in love with her and wants to make sure she’s safe. You get the idea lol

I'd like to point out that Cloud doesn't – despite popular opinion – have hold of Tifa's jubblies. His arm is under them, wrapped around her ribs, which is actually a very secure hold for him since he's trying to hang onto Barret and keep hold of Tifa too. You'll notice she's not exactly paying attention to her own safety – which makes sense since Cloud literally had to haul her up when she wouldn't move. She's not in a good headspace during the end of this scene, so he's being very protective towards her.

Conclusion

Another great piece of action! I mean, does it really matter if these two are in the trenches or just hanging out? They have a synchronicity that's impossible to deny. They balance each other in pretty much every single way there is for a couple of be two halves of a whole. The FF10 comparison is a new one on me, especially since I don't look at two titles and try to see what about each one is like the other. They're both different and unique with their own charm. But, the second I caught that screen of Cloud pulling Tifa along I was immediately hit by the thought of “That's what Tidus and Yuna do”, so I couldn't not mention it.

We get a clear look at how devastated Tifa is immediately after the realisation hits that sector 7 is about to get crushed. She's just gone. Checked out. If Cloud hadn't stepped up to save her she'd have died. She wouldn't have got herself over to Barret in time and he would've died going to get her and get them back to the zip line. This is why it's so important that Cloud picks up the slack. He was strong when she needed him to be. She's strong for him later when he becomes weak. They really are two halves of one whole.

I love that Tifa gets her own character development. She’s not just “the love interest”. Barret is basically a supporting character here, but we know he’ll get his turn in Corel and he does get his own moments to shine in Midgar, but this is cloti, so sorry dude, next time.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #cloti #more action touching #more eye contact #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #I knew I missed a tag

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scalproie · 4 years ago

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One of the things I don’t understand about the pmd fandom is that people legit hate dusknoir even after getting both sides (kinda) of the story yet are chill with gengar who as far as I remember was a dick just because. I’m lukewarm on the chonky (purple) ghost but I WILL fight someone for dusknoir. I mean have you seen him? Friend shaped and equipped with spine snapping huggy arms. And he looks very polite.

I can’t fault anyone for wanting to survive no matter what because they’re afraid. That’s such a human concept and it wouldn’t make sense to not empathize or at least sympathize with it. Not saying what he did was okay, but before he tried to kill you and your partner, he saved your life out of instinct. He was already hailed as a great guy before that and honestly wouldn’t have been blamed if he didn’t save the protagonists. So it was all a good deed just to be good.

Dusknoir is a complex character and it’s okay to dislike him, but you can’t ignore that boiled down he’s one of the more real characters in this 2D Pokémon spinoff.

Sorry for the long post! I just had to go of, and reading your tags fueled that fire. 🐈

For starters I'm gonna say that I very much agree and overall feel the same way.

I think people are more chill with Gengar because there was no real "betrayal" in rescue team, like you said, Gengar was an antagonistic force since the very beginning as you met him, so him being a snitch was almost... expected? And yeah you hate him but it doesn't have the same impact, when he get a "reveal" as the human who left Gardevoir you're more like "of course he is that son of a-". He does get... well I can't excatly called it a redemption, but he gets character development at the end of the game if you read the subtext and far into the post game. I know Gengar gets thrown with the four others of the "betrayal gang" (and its true!), but if if we draw a direct comparaison, Skuntank is the Gengar of eot/d/s (could you IMAGINE THO, If SKUNTANK was the agent sent by Primal Dialga? I'm losing it just thinking about it)

Dusknoir on other hand. They did a wonderful job at mixing the formula this time around because YEAH. Like you said, he does help you at Amp Plains just because and I'll never shut up about it.

(Even if we do consider the alternative, that he only did it to keep a good image, like yeah he's probably like 25 levels too high for Amp Plais and co to be worrying for him but still, he's already super respected and when you look at his dialogue when he remember what happens at this time of year in Amp Plains, it reads as 100% genuine.)

Anyway, I can't speak for everyone, but I feel that Dusknoir is so well remembered and lowkey hated because there's this deep sense of betrayal, that other games have tried to replicate ever since? As the og, He IS the reason "pmd makes you have trust issues" is a meme. He was your ally for 3 or 4 whole chapters? And then does a 180° and is responsible (not really but when you first play you don't put two and two together) for one of the darkest part of the game you experience, I mean he's the one who takes you there, and the whole Future Of Darkness deal was really heavy on me as a kid. The betrayal doesn't really come out of nowhere but the "smirk" scene was a pretty long time ago, and some people say it's obvious he's a bad guy cause "just look at him" but I personally didn't saw it then.

He also was really easy to hate in time and darkness, I know I sure did, when you didn't have the whole story, and if you played those games before, the special episode you experience some years later comes off as a nice reveal, but I personally only started to think about his character years after in my second playthrough when I was capable of thinking about it more deeply. And now at this point it's genuine fondness and nostalgia for one of the first complex villain/character of my childhood.

But also he's really easy to make fun of.

#kinda poetic that the guy who go ''will I be remembered?'' give like. a fourth of the pokemon fanbase as a whole a fight of flight response #(or friend response)#anyway sorry cat anon I see you ''sorry for the long post'' I raise you an even longer one #Love this ghost as well. hes FASCINATING to think about #anon #cat anon #long post

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shangyang · 4 years ago

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quick note: i actually posted this entire thing on twitter originally, but i felt it was pretty relevant as of late, so that’s why it’s on my tumblr! sorry, this is fairly long, but i think a lot of it does need to be said, especially since i’ve done a lot of looking back on fandom as of late. quarantine makes me a little more thoughtful than i need to be, what can i say?

since it won't leave my mind: more in-depth thoughts on kudos v. quality. i think sorting by kudos is a good way to dip your toes into a fandom. you're starting with a fandom's bread and butter - it's a way to figure out what you like w/these characters, and what you don't like. but, y'know, kudos really DOESN'T equal quality OR enjoyment. i've been around long enough to be able to say that some of the works with the most kudos in the fandom kind of suck, for me, personally. you also just might not enjoy what's considered the "most popular". this thread says it best: https://twitter.com/nikiforcvs/status/1275865055318310912

i won't restate what they said, since i don't think i can say it any better/i don't need to restate it. just read their thread before continuing with this, i guess? it’s not necessary, though! just like, supplemental reading, i suppose.

speaking as a pseudo fandom-grandma (fandom aunt? what wld you call that? i've been around fanspaces for almost 10 years now?) i can say as a writer and a fan that some of my favorite works of all time have been ones will absolutely NO kudos. and i can also say that as a writer, it's super discouraging to realize that the reason i don't get a level of interaction i'd like is because a lot of readers tend to just sort by kudos and ignore new fics that pop up in the tag!

your fandom's writers put in SO MUCH time, effort, and love into these fics they provide you with. there's no such thing as a heartless fic. but it's not UNTRUE to say that sometimes, the fics with the most kudos are the most unsatisfying.

the whole reason i say kudos doesn't equal quality, isn't because i think the most popular fanworks are bad, or anything. the quality i'm talking about is quality of experience. fandom is, and really always has been about finding a niche for yourself. you can't do that if you shackle yourself to what other people have judged is "the best." certainly, the fics with the most kudos gained that kind of praise for a reason. but, other works will never have the chance to earn similar kinds of praise if you just blindly adhere to some inane popularity metric. it's a bit of a double edged sword, to be completely honest.

fandom is, in all honesty, more popular than it's ever been. anime, comics, all the things that traditionally gained the kinds of followings that morph into fandoms are becoming mainstream, in a way. but while this means you might be getting more works, it also means that we're seeing a kind of sanitation of said works that didn't really exist, 20, 40, even 5, years ago. i won't get super into the effect of antis on fan spaces, since this really isn't what this thread is about, but that and doxxing definitely has an effect on the fics you see become more and more popular. but i’m NOT talking about the steadily growing “fandom purity” movement right now. that’s a bear i’m not going to poke for a while.

sorting by kudos means that you'll never get to indulge in problematic content you may enjoy. it can also mean you may never see darker takes on your favorite characters that you may end up loving! it may mean you never get to read that strip club au you might've loved, or that deep dive into two character's unhealthy relationship you may have found extremely compelling. sorting by kudos can really only diminish the quality of your experience within fandom.

so much of fandom has always been about taking things considered "unacceptable" and making it a place for yourself - star trek and the original “trekkies” (the OG fandom grandmas, basically) are the best example of this, and as a matter of fact, can be considered the beginning of modern fandom as we know it! if we applied the same logic of sorting by kudos/popularity to star trek's fandom, then we would likely never have the kind of fandoms we have today. you have to realize that while popular fics are popular for a reason, limiting your experience to those fics alone is akin to shooting yourself in the foot before running a relay. you cripple yourself, and you cripple everyone around you. it ripples outwards.

i can't even begin to imagine how many authors may have been discouraged by lack of interaction with their fics, and as a result, cut something that someone else might have loved short! this is the kind of quality we're talking about - not just your enjoyment of fandom, but the quality and richness of a fandom as a whole.

popular fics may form a fandom's culture and language, but you've got to remember that without the more obscure, niche fics, fandom doesn't actually exist. it's a collective, not a focus.

so....yeah! my thoughts on why kudos doesn't equal quality, and why you really just ought to step away from sorting by kudos. but...as a little treat, say you're wondering how to find fics, then, since sometimes, scrolling through "sorted by date updated" can be really, really tedious.

here’s my recommendation: take one of your favorite fic writers, and go onto their ao3 profile. take a look at their bookmarks! a lot of times, fic writers you love will have similar tastes to yours, and bookmark fics within that taste that you might love! it's an easy way to start branching out.

some of your favorite writers may even maintain blogs, and if you're SUPER lucky, some of them may post fic rec master lists, or have "my favorite fic" pages on their tumblr. (ive been told that's a more 2000's fandom thing, apparently? but still.) and if that doesn't work for you, you can try sorting via tag. personally, if i know i enjoy seeing a certain trope with certain characters, i'll go into that specific character's ao3 tag and search by that trope's specific tag while in there!

this won't work on sites like ffn or LJ, but honestly, ao3 has so many great fics that it'll keep you very busy for as long as you love the fandom you're in. plus, ffn and LJ don't really have a lot of fics for newer fandoms anyways...

and if you're STILL searching for fics to read, sometimes it can help to ask a friend, too! i know some of the fics i love the most & keep returning to were recommended to me by friends, or subtly slipped into the comments sections of my fics.

TLDR; fandom is a community - you shouldn't be afraid to branch out, or reach out. it's just a matter of doing so.

#shut up ren #fandom #just some 2 am ramblings lmao #feel free to knock me clean off my soapbox

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