#anyway yeah dont worry if you dont know about whatever im talking about all the time. ur not unknowledgeable im just insane

[kimmkitsuragi]

me as im actively ignoring my exam on sunday, a deadline on monday, a deadline-less project i took like 2 weeks ago, a few applications i should be working on (but dw i got plenty of time 🤓) all while i have to also go to another city on monday (+ some other personal projects that i promised to myself but :'>)

[demonic0angel]

Celestial Bodies AU (7/?)

(Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6. Also on AO3)

Sometimes, it felt like the whole world was against her.

It was especially evident in Batman's pissy attitude and his insistence on her quitting her night job, despite how he allowed Tim and Dick to do whatever they wanted.

She may not have been trained like those two, but it didn't mean that he couldn't step up and teach her, right? She had to rely on her own wits and Tim's sporadic (and admittedly rather lackluster) moments of teaching in order to know how to defend herself without a weapon.

So yeah, now that she had an opportunity to rub it in Bruce's face that he was wrong to dismiss her, she wouldn't let this opportunity go!

At least, that was what she was thinking before the harsh reality of being stuck to Batman all the time hit her.

Quite literally.

Robin groaned, rubbing her sore shoulders after another day of patrol with Batman. She messaged Tim with one hand while the other started taking off her cape and belt. She started peeling off her mask as Tim responded back.

Girl Wonder: tim

Girl Wonder: howas ur day

Boy Loser: Fine

Boy Loser: How was yours

Girl Wonder: pandil

Girl Wonder: painful*

Boy Loser: Lmaoaoaoao

Stephanie sighed again, as Tim started teasing her about the spelling mistake. Sometimes, he would let it go and sometimes, he had to rub it in her face. Usually, she would just roll her eyes fondly and take the ribbing, but today, she just wanted comfort.

After Tim had been forced to shelve Robin after his dad found out about his secret identity, he has given her the role of becoming Robin. She had taken it with great reverence, but Batman clearly wasn’t ready to let go of Tim yet, because he was an absolute asshole while training her.

She felt like perhaps he was seeing someone else through her (either Tim or someone else…?) but it was so tiring and infuriating that she didn’t mention it, only wanting to quit Robin after a few weeks of this near-torture.

Batman was oddly petty for a man who spent his life fighting crime.

… wait a minute.

Stephanie sighed again.

Boy Loser: ... Steph? You alright?

Stephanie pursed her lips as she realized her uncharacteristic lack of reply was now worrying Tim.

Girl Wonder: yea

Girl Wonder: B is being a dick

Boy Loser: ... I wish I could make some sort of Dick joke but I feel like it won't be appreciated rn

Boy Loser: What happened?

Stephanie chuckled a little and continued to reply.

Girl Wonder: nthing but he keeps putting me down

Girl Wonder: it pisses me off

Girl Robin: im robin now! i dont deserve this

The three talking dots popped up as Tim began typing out his reply and Stephanie waited, suddenly wondering if she had been too whiny and he was annoyed. After all, how many people got to say that they were handed the Robin costume by an actual Robin and then allowed to be Batman's sidekick? She needed to be grateful, but it was difficult when Batman was being a little bi—

Okay, deep breaths.

Stephanie shook off her thoughts, just as Tim finally replied.

Boy Loser: How about going to meet the cluster?

She blinked.

Girl Wonder: the wut?

Boy Loser: The Phantom Cluster? All Robins got a star bonded to them. Like mine, remember?

She paused again.

She didn't know much about the Phantom Cluster. All she knew were that they were a group of cursed children who were forced into becoming sentient stars. They were considered all-knowing, but relied on a Robin in order to exploit some unknown loophole in their curse and grow up past their frozen ages.

At least, that was what Tim had explained to her.

Girl Wonder: ... can i do that?

Boy Loser: I'll come and bring you to them?

Boy Loser: I want to see my star anyways.

Wow, she almost wanted to feel jealous, but she had already been long aware of his obsession with his star and now it was just funny to see how close he was to them.

Girl Wonder: ok

Boy Loser: Sweet. Stay there

Her eyes widened.

Girl Wonder: right now??

He didn't respond. Only 10 minutes later, as Stephanie debated between taking off her uniform or leaving it on to leave a more professional impression on the stars, did Tim scurry into the Batcave with a breathless smile.

"Let's go!" He said. "I snuck past my dad and Bruce for this."

Stephanie laughed, "You're so excited! Don't you have camera feed of your star? It's not like you haven't seen her in a while."

"Nothing beats seeing her in person," Tim grinned. "C'mon, I'll show you how to get to the cluster."

He directed her towards the tube and began explaining its mechanisms and codes for various locations. Stephanie listened carefully, although there were butterflies in her stomach as she thought about meeting the cluster.

Would they hate her?

After all, no matter how much she wished she was, she wasn't like the other Robins. If all of the previous Robins had a star, would she be considered different if she didn’t have one herself?

Suddenly, she felt nauseous. What if she wasn’t chosen? Would it be further proof that she wasn’t meant to be a hero?

She suddenly felt a hand slide into hers. She blinked and looked up as Tim gave her a small, reassuring smile.

“It’ll be okay, I promise. They’re nice.”

Stephanie returned his look with a shaky smile and then the two of them went into the tube, and off they went.

When they landed, Stephanie barely had a moment to bounce back before Tim was pulling her through the metal halls. They walked for a while, and Tim finally burst from the silence.

“Did you read the files about the Phantom Cluster?”

“They’re locked to me,” Stephanie replied. “I only know what you and Dick told me and that they’re a group of sentient stars.”

“That’s because Bruce can get… irritated and try to delete or edit the information. We locked it so only Robins know the passwords,” Tim explained. “But the Phantom Cluster is a group of sentient astronomical bodies, such as several stars and planets. There’s six of the main ones, but there are also a few other planets that can occasionally communicate with them. However, they’re not as sentient and only the six in the middle is— actually, I’ll just let you see for yourself.”

Stephanie followed him and when he finally opened the doors to the command room, she stopped in place and stared.

The room they were in was shaped like a half circle, and all of the walls were covered in glass, allowing ample view of the stars outside. In front of the glass were several machines and computers, silent as they flashed with notifications and alerts about the readings of the stars.

A soft song was playing, one made entirely by voices. It was angelic, like that of a choir and it sent a shiver down Stephanie’s spine as the chilling and seductive music wrapped around her like a siren’s call.

But she wasn’t too focused on the singing.

No, she was focused on the stars.

They were beautiful.

Dick had mentioned it once, how much he loved looking at them. Tim had also mentioned it several times, of how he visited them just to watch them and to see his star.

With the way they spoke of them at times, Stephanie sometimes wondered if they were brainwashed.

But now, she could understand.

Humans had always been fascinated by the stars. It was what created astronomy, telescopes, stories of constellations and space travel and aliens, it was what created NASA and the moon landing and astrology and rocket ships.

She could understand it now.

In the middle of space was a cluster of stars. Four of them whirled and twirled around each other with various degrees of energy. One in particular spun and slowed down in intervals, like doing a skip during a walk because it was so excited that it had to jump a little, but it still wanted to keep pace with the group.

There were also two planets, one covered in clouds and the other was a red and yellow sandy looking planet with wide rings surrounding it. They circled the stars quickly, but carefully, like trying to keep close but also not wanting to bump into the hot balls of gasses. A variety of asteroids and other smaller planets then circled them at a distance, as if not wanting to get closer.

Stephanie could quite literally see the personality within all of them, as they orbited one another.

Tim grinned. “They’re amazing, right?”

“You weren’t kidding,” she breathed.

Tim pulled her to the window and then pointed at a large, bluish star. “That’s Dick’s. We call it Nightwing’s star or Dick’s star. He’s one of the oldest and also the largest. He can be kinda mean, but he protects Dick a lot.”

“How can a star be mean?” Stephanie wondered. She watched as Dick’s star spun and then directed the pretty pink and purple clouds towards two other astronomical bodies.

“You’ll know what I mean,” Timothy said, before pointing to another celestial body. This time, it was a swirling, bow-tie shaped thing that was funneling gas and dust. There were two of them, but this one was distinctly colored blue and was smaller than the other.

“Is that…?”

“Yeah. That one is my star. Well, she’s actually a baby star— a protostar,” Timothy proclaimed proudly. “Isn’t she beautiful? I call her partner.”

Stephanie stared with a mixture of amazement and endearment. “She’s pretty cute. She’s smaller than all of the others!”

“Yeah. She’s the baby of the cluster.” He pointed to the other protostar. “And that one is… Jason’s.”

Stephanie stared at its enormous, funneling body and nodded slowly. “… it shows that he’s alive, huh?”

“Yeah. That’s the big sister of the cluster. She’s Jason’s star, and we don’t know how but… they’re back.”

Stephanie nodded again. She knew of this. Before Tim quit and while she was still Spoiler, she would occasionally babysit Gotham whenever he left with Nightwing in order to search for Jason.

“…. At least they’re both back?” She offered awkwardly.

Tim nodded. “At least they’re back.” He pointed to a small, faintly glowing blue and green ball that was following Tim’s star. “That one is the King. He takes care of the other stars and he’s a neutron star. He also used to be a hero, like us, before he died.”

“How young was he? Do we know?”

Tim met eyes with her.

“He was fourteen when he died,” he said softly, and Stephanie pursed her lips.

The amount of child heroes who died before 16 was quite uncomfortable.

The atmosphere was suddenly awkward, but Tim forcibly changed the subject and pointed to the two planets. “And lastly, these are the other two planets. They’re part of the ones singing as well as the main six of the cluster. That one is a rocky planet and that one has life on it, but we haven’t been able to touch down on either of them.”

Stephanie blinked and leaned closer to the glass in awe, squinting to try and see past the thick clouds. “Life? Like Earth? Why can’t we land?”

“They won’t let us. Sometimes, we can fly along their orbit, but when they get mad or want to stop us, they’ll push us back. The stars will help and send out solar flares and if they get really pissed, well, it’s not pretty.”

Interested, Stephanie asked, “What happens?”

Tim shrugged. “I'm not sure. But there were some people who betrayed the Justice League and tried to come here to take over. The stars took them out.”

Stephanie’s eyebrows rose.

She looked around for an invisible camera.

Did Timothy Drake, once Robin, just tell her that the stars killed people?

“Wait, what? How?”

“One ship got pulled in via the gravitational pull and then exploded on Dick’s star, and another ship had an asteroid hit them and a hole appeared in the hull. They all died.”

Stephanie recoiled. “Wait, seriously? They all died?”

Tim nodded. “Yeah. The Justice League was pissed. Dick argued that the stars were just defending themselves and—“

“The Justice League was mad at the stars??”

Stephanie felt like she was learning too many things at once. She was almost dizzy from the confusion.

Timothy gave her a light glare for interrupting him again but said, “The Justice League was angry since they had deliberately killed people. Even the asteroid was intentional.” He shrugged then. “But what can they do? Punish the Cluster? Dick fought for them and they’re still here as allies to the Justice League and to the Robins. But that’s also why you don’t see any other heroes here. They kinda stopped coming after that, though Superman does visit sometimes.”

“… wow. That’s so messed up on so many levels.”

Tim grinned.

“So, ready to introduce yourself? They’re waiting.”

Well, that wasn’t ominous at all. Especially with all of the very nice, normal things he just told her about the stars.

Stephanie told him that and he laughed. She took that brief moment to allow the panic to sink in and then flow out of her as she took a deep breath.

“Okay,” she said, facing the main communicator, “I’m ready.”

“I’ll introduce you,” Tim said. He tapped the glass softly and then said, "Hello, everyone."

There was a pause as the hair rose on the back of Stephanie's neck, and she listened as the sound of angelic song slowed to a halt, allowing only ocean waves and TV static to fill the room with an energy that she could not place.

The crackle of static and burbling of water was the only sound for awhile.

And then—

"Hey, partner."

Tim beamed. "Hey, partner. It's good to see you. You're getting bigger, huh?"

The protostar gave a deliberate whirl, sparkling as gas and dust rubbed against each other within its accretion disks.

There was suddenly an angry, high pitched noise on the communicator.

Both Stephanie and Tim winced, although Tim also looked exasperated.

Dick's star, which had been silently following the orbital path suddenly froze in place. It turned slowly, seemingly facing in one spot before stopping completely, its edges flaring with bursts of light.

“Is… is that Dick's star glaring at you?” She said, bordering on a laugh. Tim’s star did a cycle around the other protostar and then did a loop around Dick’s star, as if trying to poke it into reacting. Dick’s star was still for a moment longer, before inching along their orbital path again without spinning, as if still trying to keep its eyes on Tim through the glass.

She burst into giggles, absolutely delighted in the way Tim looked exasperated and resigned of a star seemingly trying to antagonize him.

“Yeah. He’s like that a lot whenever I’m around,” Tim sighed exaggeratedly.

“That’s so cute! To be honest, I didn’t expect them to have so much personality.”

“Yeah, me too. But once you get to know them, they’re really fun. Even if Dick’s star hates my guts.”

Stephanie giggled again. “He’s like an overprotective dad.”

“Yeah, but at least I'm not the only one he hates. He also really— uhm.” Timothy paused in the middle of his tirade.

Stephanie blinked and turned to stare at him.

Timothy looked uncomfortable, but soldiered on and continued, “But I also heard that he disliked Jason too. Apparently, he was pissed when Jason got his star. He has a real complex about his sisters from what we know.”

Stephanie tried to imagine the image of a big blue ball throwing a hissy fit because his sisters were being taken away by human boys, and the absurdity made her laugh.

“Aww, poor guy!” She snickered. “He just wants you stinky boys away from his sisters.”

“Hey!” Timothy exclaimed with a playful glare. “I take showers!”

"Coulda fooled me!"

Tim huffed a laugh and then addressed the Cluster again. "Everyone, this is Robin."

There was a pause, and then the Cluster spoke in unison, a whispery coo, "Hello, Robin."

Stephanie breathed out a sigh of relief as Tim perked up, smiling broadly.

One voice in particular spoke up over the rest.

"Robin, I have someone who'd like to make a deal with you."

Its voice was soft and light, but there was a quality within that made her want to relax within its soothing reverb.

Stephanie couldn't help grabbing at Tim in excitement, who patted her hand with a wide grin.

"Would you like to accept?"

She coughed to calm herself down. "... who is asking?"

The communicator crackled and then the cluster spoke again, with the one voice leading in front, "Come into the space pod and you will be taken to him."

Stephanie met eyes with Tim. Timothy raised an eyebrow and then shrugged.

"Now what?"

"... I guess you go?"

She gulped. She looked at Tim for reassurances, for him to tell her— something, but he didn't.

He just stared at her and then smiled, a glint in his eyes that she knew was him knowing something that he didn't want to share.

Stephanie sighed.

She went into the space pod that was attached to the station with instructions to just stay still and let the Cluster's solar winds lead her to where she needed to go, and off she sent.

Stephanie sat in the space pod, watching the distant stars and galaxies while she was slowly led deeper and deeper into the Phantom Cluster. The communicator crackled with no words as she sat there in a drifting metal ship within the vacuum of space.

For a moment, she wondered if she was going to die.

She wondered if they were rejecting her and would then kill her via asteroid smashing into the pod or fire as they guided her straight into a star's surface.

She wondered if this was going to be the last thing she ever saw, stars and planets and galaxies in her eyes before her life ended, but when she blinked, she was sailing straight into the golden planet with rings.

Her eyes widened and she held on as the pod began to shake with its descent into a planet's atmosphere.

She yelped as the pod sank past the deep yellow clouds and then she was falling.

"Oh fuck!" She screamed, as she immediately tried steadying the pod.

But there was nothing. The buttons on the pod were not meant to let the driver steer, since it was merely an extension of the space shuttle that the stars were meant to guide themselves.

For a moment, she cursed Tim and Dick and all of the Robins and their insane trust in the stars for creating a death trap of a machine, and as her heart lurched into her throat, she was suddenly caught and the pod stilled.

She looked out the window and gaped.

Metal contraptions were floating in the air, attaching to the pod to slowly bring it down to the ground.

No, wait, it wasn't floating. The metal contraptions were part of the ground too. They looked like long tentacles that drifted from the ground to bring her down.

A shudder ran down Stephanie's spine.

What did this mean?

Had someone landed on the planet before the Justice League or the Robins had?

When she was guided down onto the ground, she hesitated.

She was not like Tim or Dick. Hell, she didn't even become Robin because she particularly wanted to or because Bruce offered. She became Robin only because Tim asked her to take care of Gotham while he was a civilian.

She was Spoiler before she was Robin. She was not like the others.

(She wasn't even a boy, or a particularly good Robin. Batman had never treated the other Robins like he treated her: carelessly, callously, coldly.)

But the thought of getting Batman's approval, of being a real Robin made her move. She pressed the button and the door opened.

For a moment, she worried that she wouldn't have been able to breathe, but before she could worry about lack of oxygen, something sand colored began crawling towards her at high speeds.

She screamed and immediately flew back to the pod, trying to close the door to no avail.

Looking closer, it was like some bizarre mix between a gold colored android and a mummy. It was the size of an adult man and looked half broken, like it needed repairing. It didn't matter though, because it was approaching the space pod rapidly and Stephanie was weaponless.

She shrieked again when the android climbed into the pod and started crawling after her. She kicked at it and it stopped moving when she started screaming and cried out, “What the hell!”

It twitched and then crept towards her again.

Stephanie waved a hand hurriedly. “No, no! Don’t get closer!”

It paused.

Stephanie almost could've cried.

Just what was going on?

The android twitched and then it pulled out something from a pouch on its waist.

It clicked and then laid the thing on the ground at her feet.

Stephanie flinched and moved away.

"What is that?" She asked, thankful that she did not stutter.

The communicator finally spoke then, and a voice called out, "That's a mask to help you breathe. If you don't want sand or glass in your lungs, wear it."

Stephanie blinked and turned her head, though she didn't take her eyes off of the android thing.

"Are you... the planet?"

The echoey voice of a planetary body made him sound wistful as he hummed, "Mhm. You should leave the ship."

"What about..." she did a vague gesture towards the mummy-android thing.

"He's a helper. He won't hurt you."

Stephanie hesitated for only a second before she moved. She took the mask and fit it onto her face. Then she carefully followed the helper. It crawled away and led her to their destination, but as Stephanie stared at it, she realized that its legs were broken off.

Was it damaged?

She didn’t ask, a little too weirded out by the entire situation. Instead, she observed the world around her.

The ground was dry with dirt and sand. A light wind blew the sand in billowing, gold swirls. She noticed that the mask seemed to protect her from the sand, since she felt none of the wind against her skin, and she narrowed her eyes before looking up at the red sky. Slightly visible above the yellow clouds, was the bright figures of the other stars, glowing brightly like white circles.

The air was thick, like she was breathing through a heavy, dry soup. The temperature was hot, almost scorching, but Stephanie persisted as the robot continued.

She swallowed, trudging carefully past the thick sand, and the robot thing led her to a blocky mobile home-looking machine. It stopped by the door and tilted its head.

Stephanie shivered. “Am I… supposed to go inside?”

It creaked and then nodded.

Stephanie cursed out Tim again and then stepped inside, pushing the heavy door with a grunt. Piles of sand covered the floor, making her feet sink as she walked through.

It was like a small cabin made of metal. Inside were tables and a bed, all crowded in unreadable papers and books. Wires and metal tubes covered the ceiling in a tangled mess, and a large supercomputer was attached to the wall at the end of the room.

The screen buzzed with static.

Stephanie stared, watching the faint light of the computer sparkle across the dark room, lighting everything with dark shadows before she stepped through the sand and approached like a mindless puppet.

When she was close enough to the computer screen, it flickered with a spark before turning black. Stephanie tensed.

The air began to feel heavy, like a pressure was being put on her, like eyes were beginning to watch her.

There was a hum, and then the screen crackled.

It turned black, and then pale bronze words began to type, one by one in quick succession.

“Hello, Robin.”

There was no sound, beyond the hum of machinery and the faint back-and-forth of rising tides, despite this place clearly being a desert planet.

Stephanie swallowed again.

“Hello,” she said carefully. She laughed a little, trying to shake off the jitters. “This whole thing is very creepy, y’know?”

“LOL, sorry about that. I’m glad you’re here, Robin.”

She laughed at the first statement, finding it surreal as to how a planet knew how to use words like “LOL”. At the second sentence, she bowed her head, a weird flare of happiness appearing within her, the humor quickly dying and being replaced by a sense of pride. “Glad to be here,” she mumbled. “Are you… are you the planet?”

The silence was brief, but oddly, she could tell that its personality was pleasant.

“Yes.”

Her mouth felt dry. She just wanted to confirm that the same being who spoke to her on the communicator was the one on the computer, but she still couldn't help but feel a sense of cold going down her spine.

So this was the strength and power of a celestial entity?

“… what is all of this? If you’re a planet, then… who created all of this stuff?”

The pressure grew heavier, like a hand was being pressed down on her. Stephanie tried to straighten underneath it, but it felt gentle and firm, like the hand of her mother when she wanted to scold her but didn’t have the heart to do so.

It made her feel cold and sleepy, but she was awake as the planet then spoke.

"Would you like to make a deal with me?"

The planet asked, and Stephanie hesitated.

Why did it not answer her question? Should she continue to press for answers?

She did not feel the same devotion and love that the other Robins did. She did not know if it was because she was not a real Robin or if it was because she was different from the others, but she just didn't feel the same blind trust for the stars.

(But…

She wanted the approval of Batman. Of Gotham. Of the other Robins. Of the stars.)

She decided not to ask again.

"What... what would it mean? To make a deal with you?"

"You'll be my host,"

Was the patient reply.

"How am I supposed to be a host? What does it do?"

"Just live. And be your true self."

She bit her lip.

But then she thought, what was she supposed to lose?

Every other Robin had a star. Only she didn't have one, and this was her chance.

She wanted to do good. To be good.

"Deal," she said, and the machine crackled. “I’ll be your host.”

“So be it.”

Stephanie had placed her hand carelessly on the machine’s surface, and in the next moment, her palms began to burn. She yelped, but it hadn’t actually hurt. The surprise of the heat made her pull back and she raised her hand to look at her right palm, where a four pointed star now bloomed into existence.

The highest point touched past the second knuckle of her middle finger, while the lowest point reached her wrist. Bronze yellow and wine purple blended together into something unique and beautiful and a flare of warmth spread throughout Stephanie’s body and into her chest.

No wonder the Boy Wonders were so devoted to the stars.

So this is what it felt like to become a host of the stars.

Cheerfully, Stephanie asked, “What do I call you? Is there anything you want me to do for you?”

“Call me whatever you like. And I’ll tell you if I need something.”

Another line appeared below that one.

“Thank you, Robin. For saving me.”

Stephanie blushed. “Okay! Uh, bro!”

“LOL. OK, buddy.”

Later, when her ship was guided back to the sky with the unexplained metal tubes, she was met back into the Phantom Space Station with a pacing Tim, who beamed when he saw her.

“How was it! Did you get it!? Who were they?! What did you call them?!”

Stephanie grinned and presented her palm to him.

Tim squealed.

————

Batman was not as thrilled, but nothing she could do satisfied him much anyways. Nightwing and Oracle were delighted to hear about her new celestial body, while Batgirl looked interested and curious.

Robin was just happy that she had her own celestial body to herself.

At first, it was awkward as Robin didn't understand the signs or signals that were given to her by her astronomical object, but Nightwing and Tim had no problem helping her understand how to interpret them. As time continued, they began to work together in amazing ways.

Whenever she dealt with any machinery (which was unfortunately a lot as too many people had access to bombs for some reason), it was always handled easier than before. She also felt no more fatigue or exhaustion from traveling in hot, dry weather, and had a minor immunity to heat and electricity.

Her abilities were not entirely unique, as she discovered that the other Robins also had shared abilities, but only she could communicate with her celestial body through her phone or computer.

She learned that he was a funny, easy-going individual who loved food and meat dishes and technology.

In many ways, he was so human that she often forgot that he wasn’t actually one.

It made her feel complicated, remembering how he was once a child, just like her, before whatever happened to him and the other astronomical objects.

But no matter how she asked or cajoled or coaxed, it was useless because he shut down every single time.

In the end, all she knew was this.

Whatever curse was placed upon the stars, only the Robins could save them.

So she just shrugged it off and continued to chat and use her planet’s help in being a better vigilante. With his technological help and his aid in guiding her, she was slowly learning new hobbies, better techniques, and more knowledge.

Robin was relearning her place in the hero scene as the partner of Batman, and with her celestial body by her side, she knew that she could do anything.

But all good things must come to an end. Like how great TV shows got canceled, like how the last day of childhood ended, like how everyone died eventually, like how the sea pulled back, like how stars evaporated from going supernova.

It had happened so suddenly.

She had thought she was doing well.

Robin— no, Stephanie bit her lip.

She wasn't Robin anymore.

Batman had fired her.

She fought back the tears in her eyes at the injustice of it all. She knew she made mistakes. She knew she wasn't perfect. But she just wanted to feel like she belonged, like she was doing good.

It wasn't fair how everyone else made mistakes, but she wasn't allowed. So that was why she decided that she had to prove herself.

She had thought that she was doing so well, but Batman had not thought the same.

It had not even taken him a second thought before he fired her.

He would have never treated any of the other Robins this way.

(Somewhere in the sky, the stars murmured to themselves, tending to their comatose sister.)

She was about to look into the files of the Batcomputer for a plan to implement and prove herself as a hero, when the keyboards sparked as she pressed her fingers down.

She paused.

The spark crackled and then flew into the computer with a fizzle. The screen glitched and then turned black and Stephanie froze as an intense wave of fear entered her, quickening her breath and heartbeat until she was frozen with terror, almost unable to breathe.

The feeling of being watched by an otherworldly being washed over her again, more pervasive than ever before.

The screen flickered and then coppery yellow words appeared. The fear began to fade like a lowering tide and Stephanie finally breathed as she read the words that began to type.

"Stop what you're doing."

The sound of space filled the Batcave with a hiss, the familiar crackle of technology struggling to understand the words of celestial objects and the ocean waves of outer space, washing over her like the unforgiving sea.

"... buddy?"

The keyboard moved without her input. Words were typed onto the screen by unseen hands.

"I'm here."

His words were reassuring, but the next sentences that appeared were anything but.

"Stop what you're doing, Robin. You'll kill yourself."

The stars could see the future. They often warned the Justice League of future events and dangers, and even the Robins were often given prophetic dreams when the stars could offer them. Jason was the best example, as the only Robin so far who could communicate with his star in dreams. Everything he had known from the stars were foretold as true.

This fact popped into Stephanie's mind.

Her vision began to blur from an onslaught of tears. Her breath hitched and then she sobbed.

Oh stars.

Nothing she did was right.

She covered her face and whimpered. Tears involuntarily flowed down her face and her cheeks felt hot with humiliation and shame. Humiliation for being caught at trying to hack the Batcomputer to come back as Robin, and shame as she realized that she would've inconvenienced everyone by dying doing so.

Was this a sign that she was actually supposed to abandon her life as a vigilante?

The keyboard tapped away again. She blinked the tears from her eyes and looked up through blurry vision.

"Don't cry. You're still my Robin."

Stephanie sniffed. Finally, she croaked, "What?"

"You were Robin once. But that's not your future. You have another identity, don't you?"

Spoiler.

Stephanie straightened her back as she realized what he was trying to imply. After a moment, as the realization set in, she reached up to wipe her eyes. She breathed in deeply and calmed herself down forcibly.

"Are you saying that... I should go back to being Spoiler?"

"You were never meant to stay as a Robin, bro."

The casual, flippant "bro" was so absurd that she giggled wetly.

She stood up from the chair and nodded, blinking the sting from her eyes.

But she felt better.

Sharp relief filled her and she shuddered at the swell of emotion that got rid of the dark negativity within her.

Suddenly, she knew who she was.

Like Nightwing, she had found her true calling. But unlike the others, unlike any other Robin, she was returning to her true identity.

A Spoiler of secrets and evil plans.

She wore purple far before she wore red, yellow, and green. She was a vigilante far before Batman. She was a Spoiler far before she was a Robin.

And just because she had changed her identity, just because Batman fired her, just because she had failed in one thing did not mean she had failed entirely.

Now she was almost embarrassed, but she just felt relieved more than anything. It made her want to go slack, but she took another deep breath to calm down.

"Okay," she said softly. "Okay. You'll be with me, right, buddy?"

She looked up as the keyboard clacks continued and golden letters started to appear on the screen again. Even though there was nothing spoken aloud, she could sense the affection in each word as her celestial body typed a response for her.

"Of course. I'll always be here for you."

Stephanie beamed and tidied up the Batcomputer before leaving the cave.

She did not need Batman to be a hero.

Just like she didn't need to be Robin to do something more with her life either.

The next day, as she put on her old uniform, dark purples and magentas and blacks, she checked up on her astronomical body with the tablet given to her by Tim and laughed.

A pale yellow moon was following her planet.

A gentle song came from the screen, soft and soothing, a sign of change and revival, like the rain after a period of drought, like the peeking flower buds underneath snow, like the moon's reappearance after a dark night.

In it, she could hear a third voice, a male voice that was lighter than Dick's star, one with a hint of teenage youthfulness and strength.

Stephanie smiled, touching the screen with her right palm.

“Is that yours? Are you in your final form?" She asked with a small smile. “Did that appear because I’m Spoiler again?”

The moon gave a little deliberate twirl and Stephanie grinned.

She pulled out her grappling gun and then opened the window to her apartment. She jumped out onto the roof and aimed the grappling hook. With a single shot, she hit a building and then jumped, flying through the air with a loud whoop.

The Spoiler was back.

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Soooo much lore. I’m not sure who would’ve betrayed the Justice League, but knowing DC’s long history, there’s probably someone, right??

Nothing makes me lmao more than having Dan hate on Jason and Tim bc they’re too close to his sisters.

Tucker with the ability to communicate with Steph through tech!!

Him guiding her through becoming a hero on her own right without Batman 🥹 the reason why she feels different from the other Robins is bc she actually doesn’t feel different, she’s just doesn’t understand the feeling.

Also, has anyone noticed that a lot of the events that make a Robin who they are is basically Bruce being a jerk or an uncommunicative asshole? Like seriously, I'm struggling to make him a good dad sometimes.

Planet classification is not as fun as stellar classification… but Tucker is an extragalactic, chthonian, and desert or terrestrial giant exoplanet. Extragalactic = outside of the Milky Way, chthonian = a gas giant that’s been stripped of its gas layers and circles really close to its star, terrestrial = made of rocks or metals, exoplanet = a planet that orbits another star from the Sun.

…. Ik it’s a lot, but I had to get specific. In essence however, he’s just a terrestrial giant exoplanet. He’s big, but only around the size of Neptune or Uranus.

Why does Stephanie get saved but not Jason? You will find out :) writing these as one-shots mean that they take time, also bc I’m close to finals and my classes are getting harder.

[hearts4golbach]

could you write something about reader and johnnie related to the line 'he love me but he fucks me like he hates my guts' from the song yummy? ty 💕💕

Tease.

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

warnings: use of ma, baby, mama, love, babe, slut, cheating, rough sex, unprotected sex (please use protection lol), overstimulation, implied hair pulling.

third person.

Johnnie had never thought of you as anything more than his best friend. maybe he had thought about you late at night, biting his tongue so as not to wake up jake in the room over, but never past that. he had always shooed away the thought, anyway.

ever since his past girlfriend, he had refused to ever think of another person romantically. although, he had acknowledged from time to time how funny, kind, and beautiful you were. he admired you in a friend way, he told himself.

although, whenever you had posted a selfie laying in your bed in the cutest outfit he had ever seen, it made him rethink your relationship.

he thought about the way your face lit up brighter than the sun when you saw him and the way your hand would purposefully graze him every chance you got. how could he be so oblivious? he began to think as his feelings for you grew.

you never seemed to mention other guys until you did. it was late at night whenever you had walked into johnnies room and asked him for advice. you wanted to know how to respond to a flirty text some random guy on instagram had sent, you explained. You thought he was cute and lived just a city over. this infuriated johnnie, as his feelings had been brewing for about 3 months now.

it didn't help that he got to see you every day, not that he was complaining, but it was torture. he frequently thought of you in your booty shorts and oversized band t-shirt early in the morning, making breakfast. or the slutty dresses youd wear to parties every other weekend. dont even get him started on the rhinestone belts you incorporated into every outfit. you had one in every different color, and he believed it was the cutest thing, your little addiction to them. it became too much to bear, and he frequently considered pouring his heart out to you. but he never did. things were going well with the other guy, and all he wanted was for you to be happy.

first person.

"Why are we even hanging all of this up? everyone is gonna be too drunk to notice, anyway." i complained, my arms beginning to ache as i held the decorations of choice to the wall while johnnie pinned them.

he shrugged, his eyes trailing down my body as i stretched. "cause were cool."

"i guess," i sighed, "im so worried, the guy I've been talking to is coming tonight." truth was, i could give a fuck less about that guy. yeah, he was sweet, but he wasn't johnnie. he wasn't anywhere close to being as prefect as johnnie was.

i looked into his eyes, praying he would beg me to uninvite him and be his, but that didn't happen. "Don't be, you'll be good," he responded nonchalantly before turning away to go put up valuables in the house that could be broken.

i stared at him for a moment before turning around and tending to my own work.

"Do you think this dress is okay?" i asked frantically.

"y/n, people are about to start showing up, and you're still trying to get dressed -" johnnie began to scold as he turned around.

his face flushed as he admired me in the dress. his eyes hesitated, staring at the slit in the dress that revealed my thigh and how the cut of the dress complimented my cleavage. he stayed silent.

"...so?" i asked, putting my hands on my hips.

"yeah, its whatever. its good." he brushed me off, going to unlock the door.

i hated how much he acted like he didn't care. i rolled my eyes and walked back to my room to put my shoes on. even though it was my own house, i didn't want anyone looking at my feet, of course. i put on my comfiest pair of heels and went to grab the drinks from the kitchen. i organized them on the table, setting out the plastic cups. i felt an arm wrap around my waist as a presence moved next to me.

"hey, its good to see you." the guy from instagram whispered in my ear. i leaned into his touch, ignoring the growing ache in my heart. "you look stunning."

"Thank you," i smile, "it's good to see you, too." This was only the second time we had ever seen each other in person.

i heard johnnie laughing behind me, presumably speaking to jake. i glanced behind me to see him leaning on the counter. he looked at me at the exact same time. He held his breath as his eyes ran over every part of me before turning his attention back to jake.

i sighed, "you wanna go dance?" i asked, hoping he'd say yes and hoping johnnie would hate it.

his eyes shined with lust, "Of course."

i grabbed his hand and dragged him into the other room, making sure we were still in johnnies vision. the guys hands moved to my hips immediately, pulling me onto him. my eye twitched with anger. i hoped it would work. i hoped and prayed johnnie would give in and make me his, so i had a reason to end this situationship. distractions weren't working anymore.

i kept my eyes on johnnie as he turned to watch. his eyebrows scrunched together whenever he saw the way i was pressed into the guy. his hand gripped the cup tighter, his knuckles turning white. i held eye contact the whole time, my gaze never leaving his as our movements became more sexual.

johnnie turned back to jake, saying something before setting his cup down and walking over to me. "can i steal you for a second?"

"Sure, bro," the guy said, taking his hands off of me and letting me walk away with johnnie.

"what, johnnie?" i groan, "im just trying to have fun."

he pushed me into my room and shut the door behind us and locked it. "what the fuck do you think youre doing?"

"what do you mean?" my heart raced.

"You know exactly what you're doing." he whispered in my ear, his pale arms snaked around me and grabbed my hips. "You've been teasing me for so long."

he pulled me closer. i pressed my hands against his chest. "really? what makes you say that?" i taunted.

"Those tiny jean shorts you wear around the house. you never wear them out, so i know they're for me. and those studded belts you always wear that somehow make your body even sexier than it already is." his hands slid down my thighs and pulled up my dress. it bunched around my waist as he squeezed my ass. "you really think i dont notice all the slutty little things you do?"

i bit my lip, feeling his nails digging into my flesh. "i was hoping you did. ive wanted you for so long."

"me too, mama." he replied before crashing his lips onto mine.

the kiss was rough and needy. he pressed me against the wall, his hands dragging up my body to my tits. he squeezed and pawed at them, not bothering to be gentle. i let out a soft moan on his lips. i felt him grow harder through his jeans as he pressed into me. i began to pull off of his shirt, immediately returning to the kiss as it landed on the floor. he wrapped his hand around my neck, squeezing gently. our teeth occasionally clashed as we tried to take as much of each other as possible.

he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist before bringing me to the bed. he tossed me down on my back before crawling on top of me. his mouth found the soft spot on my neck, biting and sucking until dark hickeys covered my neck and chest. he pulled the top of my dress down, revealing my bare chest.

he hummed, "god, you're so beautiful." he murmured before taking my nipple into his mouth. his tongue swirled over the bud, sucking gently. i moaned and arched my back, grinding onto his buldge.

"fuck, johnnie, let me have you." i pleaded, beginning to unbuckle his pants.

"Yes, ma'am." he complied, pulling his pants and boxers down around his ankles. his hard dick sprung out of his jeans.

i hissed, "shit."

johnnie slipped his middle and ring finger in my mouth. "Spit, baby." i did as he told, licking his fingers before spitting on them. my gaze never left his. i watched as lust overtook his eyes. "Good girl."

he rubbed my spit on his cock, wincing slightly as the friction. his slender fingers slipped through the lace strap of my underwear, pulling them down. i choked out curses as the cold air hit my pussy.

"god, youre fucking soaked." he smriked, "youre going to do so good for me, ma."

he gripped my hips, aligning his tip with my entrance before slowly sliding his cock inside of me. my mouth fell ajar as a soft moan escaped my lips. he bottomed out, giving me a moment to adjust to his size. my walls squeezed his cock, sending shivers through my body.

"fuck," he choked out, "are you okay?" he checked, running his hand over my cheek and pulling on my bottom lip.

i nodded quickly, wrapping my legs around his waist. his fingers intertwined with mine, putting one hand above my head. his other stayed on my hip, gripping so tightly i figured there'd be bruises in the morning. he began to thrust slowly, taking his time with me.

"I've wanted to feel you for so long," he muttered on my lips before kissing me softly. "god, youre so perfect. do you think you can take me, babe?"

i hesitated before nodding. "yes, oh my- please."

he moved his hand, so he had a firm hold on my hips. speeding up his pace, he whispered sweet nothings under his breath. "That's it, baby." his hand flew to my clit, rubbing circles.

my back arched slightly as i threw my head back. he took that to his advantage, his cock driving further into me. "Oh, shit." i moaned, placing my hand on his chest. "johnnie, i-i can't.."

"Yes, you can, love. i believe in you." his eyebrows furrowed. "im not done with you, yet."

i nodded, letting pleasure take over my body. moans and curses flowed out of my mouth. his pace was relentless. my mind was fuzzy, and i couldn't form any words besides his name. i moaned his name loud, forgetting other people could hear.

"you arent worried about your little boyfriend hearing you?" he chuckled in between pants, "youre such a slut, i love it."

"only you," i repeated, "only for you."

"That's my girl," he slammed my g-spot over and over as a knot began to form in my stomach. "youre mine."

i nodded eagerly, "'m gonna cum, baby."

"Me too, where do you want me?" he asked breathlessly. his thrusts became sloppy.

"inside. im on the pill," i moaned out, louder than i was expecting.

"i fucking love you." his raspy voice responded. "cum with me, mama."

his thumb met my clit again as my walls milked his cock, taking every last drop of his cum inside. my orgasm took over my body, making me go limp.

he kissed my forehead. "god, you're amazing," he flipped me over so i was bending over the bed, "give me one more."

all i could do was nod as i was still recovering from my previous orgasm. without warning, he was inside of me again, his quick pace never faltering.

my moans became high-pitched. the overstimulation was a mix of pain and pleasure. his fingers tangled in my hair, pushing my head down into the bed as he hit a different angle inside of me. his other hand gripped my ass as low whimpers slipped from his lips.

"fuck, i love you so much." his sweet words contradicting his actions. i tried to say it back, but it came out unintelligible. he stopped thrusting, balls deep inside of me. "use your words, baby."

"fuck, i love you." i grinded my ass into his hips, "i love you so much."

his cock began to drill into me again as i felt the knot in my stomach tighten again. "You close?" i moaned out in agreement. "Me too,"

my second orgasm hit me like a truck at the same time his did. johnnie collapsed onto the bed next to me. "we'll go shower when everyone leaves." he said breathlessly. i nodded in agreement. i laid my head on his chest and knocked the fuck out.

[stealingpotatoes]

Invitation to talk about Sayuri and Nymie?

:D CAN OF WORMS: OPENED!! i'll tell u abt how they got found as Jedi

ok so Sayuri is one of the students that doesn't rlly go home bc there isn't much to go back to. Basically her parents were Rebellion pilots (or one was a pilot the other a mechanic. kinda unsure) but were both killed in action against the Empire abt 3-4ABY ish. obvs the Rebellion couldn't look after a 7-8yo while fighting the Empire

so the remainder of the squad manage to get her back to her parents' home village/ where she was born. so having like Everything change all at once leaves her pretty ?? and gives her some serious trusting-her-environment issues. her coolgirl "i dont care" persona is very much a result of this bc she's worried abt getting too comfy in smthn. (which is at odds w the OTHER issue she got from this event which is "deathly afraid of flying" an issue not helped if Master "traffic laws are just guidelines" Skywalker is piloting. but she tries 2 act like shes fine)

this is gonna get kinda long so im gonna smack some unposted art here and then go into a readmore

anyway fast forwarding to when Sayuri's abt 13 (roughly 9aby) she's visiting her parent's old squadron on a New Republic bc they'd all come visit whenever she could and after the Empire's fall they did a lot more pick her up and fly her to a base to ALL see her. and they're like omg Sayuri you came at the PERFECT time bc this rlly amazing pilot war hero who's also some like. mystical whatever is here!! he's on his way to some magic place we heard. maybe u can meet him!! which sayuri meets w her usual whatever bc she's not that gassed abt war heroes.

very worth noting that the squad's probably all seen her move shit with her mind, but theyre like oh you know how it is with teenage girls. the "nobody knows what a jedi is" + "the empire existed for a decent bit of her childhood" thing has kept anyone from being like yeahh sayuri should like. talk to someone abt this.

anyway she goes along when the squad are like c'mon let's see if we can see him. ok the only way i can describe this is you know the spiderverse like... spidey-sense recognition thing? that's basically what happens LOL Luke and Sayuri both have a FORCE USER RECOGNISED?? moment and Luke then makes a beeline for her then realises oh shit tiny teenager not jedi. would you LIKE to be a jedi?? and sayuri who hates her village and is feeling the strongest emotional connection she's felt in forever w this stranger she met 2 seconds ago is like okay fuckin sure yeah. and woo jedi!!

i posted my unposted nymie art yesterday but likkeeee pretend theres some here <3

So Sayuri falls into the "one of the Jedi found them thru the force or by chance" category of students who get found. However Nymie very much falls into the second category, which is "CAN SOMEONE DEAL WITH THIS WEIRD SUPERPOWERED CHILD FOR US????"

So 2 things about Nymie: 1. like i've said before, she's from a very rich high class pantoran family. super stuck up, mostly raised by nannies & tutors, but somehow Nymie just didn't get the stuck-up genes like all her (4!!) siblings who are just obsessed w their social standing etc and is instead just :D all the time. 2. her proficiency ig is the living force esp in the 'good at connecting to animals' way (which I think means I legally need to draw her w Ezra).

so the former often led her to escaping her family's stuffy parties and galas or whatever (usually to whoever's house it is' garden or somewhere she wasnt meant to be) to find something interesting. usually a pet <3 one particular time when she was 9 she was following her Pet Sense but couldnt find anything in the house. so she kinda just reached out more and long story short thats how Nymie managed to call this hugemassive beast (i'd tell u what it was if i knew pantoran animals LOL) out of the nearby countryside to her. massively distressing for everyone, all these rich ppl were like "OH MY GOD I NEARLY DIED" (it didnt attack anyone). very funny exciting time for Nymie who was enjoying this new beastie friend til animal control showed up. saddening. everyone is confused bc HOW did that happen

a dude old (and cool) enough to have seen more than one jedi in their heyday (+ idk uni researcher knows his shit) noticed what happened w it going straight to Nymie and overheard her account and realised what happened and was like hi nymie's parents. i think u need to get into contact w the new republic bc thats a jedi right there (which they take and go oo social climbing. we have a jedi child people will think we're cooler. bc theyre assholes)

and yeah im losing steam now but luke shows up and she joins the academyyay!

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

restricting myself to only do 5 snippets lol i love them all so much

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (OH!!!!!! @ that last snippet more pls)

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰(this one has me on the edge of my seat!)(i say as if the others dont lol)

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖(its new so im requesting more :))

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷(this one i need a totally normal amount! diaz boys Talking ;-;)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(i just love them so much)

You can do as many as you want! Tanis submits 800 million every week.

I'm gonna put Gentle On My Mind at the bottom bc the snippet is sort of smutty, so I'll hide it under the cut.

That being said, 30 for ➰:

Tagging @steadfastsaturnsrings

---

His fault. Sure. The naproxen? He shouldn’t have taken it from Rachel. That’s on him, too. Rachel’s kid cracking his skull open? Dumb bad luck. Not on him. But, fair enough… Three out of four. 

“That makes sense,” he tells Eddie weakly. 

“Why?” Eddie asks. 

“Just curious,” Buck mumbles. 

“Well, don’t worry,” Eddie replies. “Not like you’ve had to watch them, right?”

Yeah… He supposes that’s true…

“It doesn’t matter,” Buck says quickly. “Sorry.”

Something sad flashes across Eddie’s expression. He cups Buck’s face and pulls him in for a kiss. Buck allows it to happen, although he’s not sure he’s in the mood for their usual morning activities. 

“We should get going,” Buck says, breaking the kiss. “Don’t want to be late for kayaking today.”

Eddie nods. “Right. No. No, we don’t.”

---

45 for 📖:

---

“Hi,” the woman greets him with a nervous little wave. 

She’s beautiful, Buck thinks. Bright smile. Gorgeous eyes. Eddie is holding her hand.

Buck feels strange. He thought she was out of the picture. Are they back together?

“Shannon,” she adds. “My name is Shannon.” 

“Nice to meet you, Shannon.” Buck says, smiling. He feels a little muted and he doesn’t know why. 

“Nice to meet you, too, best librarian in the world.” 

They chat some more. She’s really nice. Buck can see Christopher in her. Whatever happened there, Buck resolves himself to be happy for the three of them. 

Not that it’s any of his business, anyway. 

vii. 

Life gets busy for a bit. He dates and subsequently breaks up with an interior designer named Ali. In Maddie’s life, there’s a stalking incident. A near kidnapping. Chimney gets hurt. Maddie’s ex ends up in jail. Buck lives in a state of shaky adrenaline for weeks. He takes some time off work to help his sister move apartments again and fight with her new landlord about breaking her lease. Even when he’s back, he doesn’t have as much energy for the job as usual. He feels bad about it, but he just can’t give his all. 

All this to say, he doesn’t get to know Shannon Diaz very well. Even though she’s the one picking Christopher up more and more these days. Even though she’s kind and talkative. Even though Chris lights up when he sees her and it’s clear having her back in his life has been good for him. 

It’s nothing against her, really. He’s just busy. He’s got a lot going on personally. He doesn’t have the same energy for the parents as he did six months ago. No other reason. 

But then… 

Well, then she dies. 

He only finds out about it through Carla. Christopher stops showing up to after school programming. One day. Two. By the third, Buck starts to worry. 

---

60 for 🦷 (YEAH TALKING!):

---

Eddie doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know what he’s said wrong. 

“What about when you got back from Afghanistan and you were hurt?” Chris asks. He seems insistent. 

“Uh,” Eddie furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t think I had any ice cream then, Chris. I can’t remember.”

“No, comfort. Who comforted you?” 

Eddie’s chest feels tight. 

“I mean… I think your mom tried,” Eddie replies weakly. “She had, uh… She had a little kid to think about, though. You. And her mom was sick…”

“So no one?” Chris fills in.

“That doesn’t mean she didn’t try,” Eddie defends Shannon. 

“What about…” Christiopher’s eyes dart around. He’s upset. He’s upset and Eddie can’t tell why. “What about when you were shot?”

Eddie nods. Okay, yes. Yes, he can give a satisfactory answer. 

“Yeah, buddy. Buck was there for me. Comforted me all the time.”

“Just Buck?” Chris asks.

“I mean, other people were there. You were there. You being there helped.”

“What about Ana?” Chris asks. 

“Right, yes. Ana.”

Chris narrows his eyes. 

“What is this about?” Eddie asks. “Why all the interest in my own surgeries, Chris? Yours won’t be that bad, I promise.”

“It’s not that,” Christopher sighs. 

“Then what?” Eddie tries to temper the edge in his voice. He doesn’t know why he is getting frustrated, too. Maybe it’s just the confusion of it all. 

Christopher looks down at his tub of ice cream, then back up at Eddie. He looks like he’s going to cry. It makes Eddie want to cry. 

“I… I thought going to Texas would make me feel better,” Chris says. His voice is wavering. Like it’s about to crack. 

Eddie freezes. The ice cream is probably warmer than the blood in his veins right now. 

“I thought… I thought I’d feel better because you’d feel worse. I thought I’d feel better because I wouldn’t be in your way.”

---

45 for 🚨:

---

“So, uh… So, where is Christopher today?”

Eddie feels a little thrum of apprehension. 

“He’s at the zoo,” Eddie answers. “With his stepfather.”

Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever phrased it quite like this before. To anyone who doesn’t know Buck’s role in his life, Eddie might phrase it like… My partner. My boyfriend. Something like that. There’s a different sort of implication behind my son’s stepfather. A permanence. A finality. One Eddie knows is valid and true. But one that catches Ramon off guard, clearly, from the way he raises his eyebrows. 

“Stepfather?” Ramon asks. 

“Yes,” Eddie replies tightly. Maybe he’s testing him a little. “You saw him. At the funeral. Buck.”

Ramon nods. “My memory of the day is a little fuzzy.”

“Right,” Eddie replies. 

“You’ve been together a long time?” Ramon asks. 

“A year,” Eddie replies. “Friends for longer, before then. He’s a firefighter, too.”

“That’s good. It’s good to… Well, to really know a person.”

Something in his tone says he’s speaking from experience. Like maybe he hadn’t, so well. Or maybe he feels like he doesn’t anymore? 

Eddie nods. “We’re happy.”

He doesn’t know why he feels the need to say this. Perhaps because the implication, when he came out to them all those years ago, was that he could never really be. That he was taking his life in the wrong direction. Well… Here’s the truth. He did right by himself.

---

30 for 🔼:

⚠️NSFW CONTENT AHEAD READ WITH CAUTION⚠️

---

Eddie kisses Shannon as he undresses her. Her mouth. Her cheeks. Down her neck. Her collarbone. Kissing along a line of freckles he has memorized. He knows every inch of her. 

He removes her bra and moves his mouth to her breasts, brain short-circuiting at the fullness of them right now. 

“God, Shannon,” he mutters uselessly. He thinks she says something back but it’s muffled and a little incoherent. 

She’s so beautiful. She’s always been so beautiful. He’ll never stop being amazed by it. 

Her chest has always been sensitive. She’s always liked him kissing her here. Applying a bit of pressure. Today, she’s more sensitive than ever. He obviously understands why. But her reaction takes him by surprise. The volume of her gasping. The sharp digging on her fingernails into his back. It drives Eddie forward with confident resolve. 

He keeps moving. Kissing further and further down her body. Her sternum. He kisses the firm swell of her stomach. Peppers it with the affection he hasn’t been able to give. He kisses her thighs. Another freckle on her hip. He kisses her everywhere he can, and then he gives her exactly what she needs. 

[antoncyng]

small heeseung drabble because ive been thinking of this plot lately and heeseung fits it so well..

notes: gamer!idol!heeseung x gamer!fem!reader, cyber(semi) love, online friends to lovers

wc: 534

after a long day of work, you made your way back home in a taxi, tired but energy saved for at least a few rounds of whatever game your online bestfriend feels like playing today. that friend was named lee heeseung, you two have been friends for around 2 years now, and in the past year you found out a secret that he’s been trying his best to hide from you.

heeseung was a pretty famous kpop idol, not only pretty famous, but his group (ENHYPEN) was a huge recent hit globally and in korea. you only found out about him when your bestfriend dragged you to their concert, recognizing his face as you enjoyed the concert.

even after the argument you two went through after you found out, you realized theres no reason for you to be mad at him, you understood why he didn’t want to tell you and you slowly but surely understood that. but today, you didn’t expect the surprise you would be getting when you got home.

you got home, turning on your pc and connecting your headphones, noticing heeseung was already online so you called him, his face that held his signature bright smile that popped up on your screen when he answered your call, but he wasn’t in his normal dorm set up? you can’t lie, heeseung was really, and i mean really attractive, to the point where you’re 99% sure you had feelings for him, but of course you couldn’t admit that. i mean, doesn’t that seem kinda pathetic? falling for your online bestfriend of 2 years, whos a kpop idol as well.. what would he think? “hey yn, you look tired. you just got off from work didn’t you?” heeseung spoke, his english getting better day by day. “yeah, is it that obvious?” you said with a slight laugh. “where are you? i dont hear sunoo screaming in the back, and your background looks different” you said, half joking about the sunoo part.. “oh im just, somewhere else right now.. sorry if my quality might be bad, im on my phone right now. i was wondering if you just wanna sit and talk today, no games, just us” he said, slightly struggling with some of his words but you thought it was cute and nodded. “sure, im too tired to play anything right now anyways.” you responded, and started your guys conversation.

you soon got so tired while talking to him about your week, you didn’t even notice the way he turned off his camera and just listened to you talk, not knowing what he was doing, until you were interrupted by a doorbell ringing. “oh heeseung, someones at my door ill be back” you told him, getting up from your chair and putting on your slippers, sliding off the headphones from your ears as you make your way to the front door, opening it and your jaw dropping.

there he was, heeseung with the widest grin on his face ever as he hung up the call on his phone, his arms wide open as you stood in the doorway, trying to process what was even going on. “what? are you gonna stand there or come hug me?” he said, laughing a little as your basically jumped into his arms. “what are you doing here?!” you said, pulling away from the hug as his arms were still wrapped around your waist and lower back, still holding you close. “i wanted to surprise you, i also had something i wanted to say in person,” he said as you looked at him waiting to continue. “i like you yn, we’ve been friends for all this time and i couldn’t help but fall for you. you’ve always been there to make me happy even if we were thousands of miles away, when i was tired from practices and comebacks, even just your voice boosted my energy. i told my members about you non stop, they’re actually here in nyc with me ince we’re on vacation. and before you say anything! don’t worry about my idol career, i talked to my company and staff about everything so we have it under control, just please say yes yn..” he said, making eye contact that soon got cut off by your lips connecting. you pulled away with a big smile on your face. “of course heeseung, you dont understand how long i’ve been waiting for this.”

“you’re finally in my arms, and finally mine.”

[bluesworldd]

𐀶 ՙ 🎸 · FOREVER SOULMATE

↳ pairing: hobie brown x reader

↳ cw/tw: mild death, mild cursing, intentional lowercase letters, and barely proofread.

↳ genre: angst.

↳ synopsis: hobie has a chat with his forever soulmate

↳ blue says: enjoy (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)

spoilers ahead !

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

the night sky began to rise as the bright burning star lowered. hobie was finally free to visit you again, although he was here previously he had to leave. but now you have his undivided attention unlike last time.

sighing he took his seat next to you. hobie knew this was bad for him but he couldn’t help himself. he knew that you would be pissed if you were to find out about his constant visits. although could you blame him? you knew how clingy hobie was, it would be impossible for him to go all day without visiting you.

��dont be upset yeah? i know i said once every other month but i couldn’t help myself, i’ve missed you so much” he was met with silence, its been months since you talked to him but thats ok. hobie understood how quiet you could be. “but ive been busy recently..” he trailed on “would u believe me if i said there were more spider-people like me?” silence again “i was left speechless too dont worry” awful joke he knows but you always loved his corny dark jokes.

“anyways they call it a spider society…whatever the fuck that means” he chuckles “i dont know how to feel about it yet but i know for sure that i dont like the ‘leader’ of the place. the fucker thinks he can be some ass because he lost someone he loved…as if most of us haven’t” he could feel a lump in his throat form. you couldn’t imagine how he felt when he learned about canon events..what complete bullshit. sighing he tried to regain his self. you hated when he cried.

“but let me not get too distracted, to sum it all up i met this girl she had some fall out with her pops so i let her crash at our place..” he trailed on “are you jealous [name]?” he knew you wouldn’t but even if you did it wouldn’t matter, you had his heart. how selfish of you but honestly he didn’t mind. “im sure you would like her she seems like a good kid” there was a long silence after that, it always is these days. hobie could feel his cheeks become wet, maybe it was beginning to pour. a terrible excuse he knows..but he missed you so much.

“i should um get going…until next time [name]” silence again. hobie hated silence.

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

©️bluesworldd 2023 || All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, copy, or claim my work as your own.

[nanaminsonyfans]

╚»★«╝ Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire ╚»★«╝

a/n; the lack of cyberpunk x reader fics is appalling. anyways gay kerry eurodyne for christmas ur welcome. also this is post after giving up johnny specifically the sun ending. sorry of its shitty, i rarely write as a male reader and i hope i did okay! requests are open!!!

pairing: male!reader x kerry eurodyne (cyberpunk)

warnings; anal, male oral receiving, slight exhibition?, cursing, spoilers for end of cyberpunk.

—

The Kerry Eurodyne was making a Christmas album with US Cracks, him being main vocals and the girls being background vocals. You were there as Kerry's loving boyfriend and supporter but also because you had nothing else to do. Being the famous V merc has run its course and after everything with Johnny and Arasaka....you just wanted to be you, Y/n L/n. Of course you still talked to some old friends, Claire being one of them. Truth be told....You missed Johnny. A piece of you was gone.

"Y/n? Babe? You there?" Kerry's voice brought you back. The girls were gone leaving the two of you there. "You having one of those episodes again?" He asks softly, obviously worried. "Oh, no i'm fine. Was just thinking is all. The music was pretty soothing." You joke and stood up. "Was it? Didn't want to put you to sleep." "You didn't. Just started to remind me of stuff." Kerry nods and cupped your cheek. "This past year has been hard for you. I understand." You nod and leaned against his touch. His hands were always so warm.

"I gotta finish some vocals. Go get a drink." He hums softly. You nod, leaving and came back. Kerry was singing, however his vocals sounded almost angelic as he sang The Christmas Song. "Jack nipping at your nose~" He looked at you. He looked at you with those fucking icy blue eyes that just sucked you in every single time. You know what he wants. How'd he get so horny so easily? Sentimental one second...

You stared at him, watching his movement. He swayed his hips as he practically made out with the mic. You felt your jeans tightened as you wanted him until you couldnt take anymore and went in. "You're such a little shit sometimes...." You growl slightly in his ear, griping his hips as you pulled him against your growing bulge. "Yeah...?" Kerry hums, adding more pressure against you. You let out a guttural moan in his ear as he started to grind against you.

"You keep doing that and im going to cum in these fuckin' pants." "We can't have that." He hums and gets down on his knees. "Not when i have a perfectly good face." "Oh youre fucking bad Ker..." You groan as he undid your pants, your cock springing free seconds before he wrapped his mouth around you. His tongue was so soft and warm...and fuck the way he sucked you off was like his life depended in it. He was so eager to please and it was working.

Kerry's eyes were half lidded and staring up at you as if he was trying to be innocent. His hand took over whatever he couldn't reach. Drool slipped down his chin as he continued to suck. "Oh fuck ker...." You thrusted slightly in his mouth causing him to gag but he didnt want you to stop. You continued to face fuck him until you felt yourself getting close.

"Fuck..Fuck ker-" You pulled out and came on his face exactly as he wanted. "Mm...amazing as usual." He smirks and licked the cum up and cleaned himself up. "Now bend over." "Really? Here?" "Yes here its your fault." You tell him annoyed and Kerry did so, happily stripping down to give you a show. "Oh you fucking slut." You slapped his ass as he bent over on the couch in the studio.

You didnt even bother prepping and just thrusted in which earned a high pitched mewl from him. "Oh fuck- dont stop please." He begs and pushed his hips back to match the rhythm of your thrusts. His moans were so whiny it was pitiful, the sadistic side wanted to taunt him about it but another side of you loved his noises. Only you could bring these noises out if him, only you, only your cock.

You let out a few grunts as his ass milked you, and suddenly he let out a loud moan arching his back as you hit his prostate. He loved how the head of cock hit it just right. "Fill me up y/n please, please!" Kerry begs and he started to fist himself. "No one can say no to you." You smirk and started to rail him a few more times before you came together. "Fuuuck!" You groaned as you filled his ass making him whine at the feeling as he made a mess on the couch.

"You made a mess." You tease and kissed him which he happily returned. Out of the corner of you eye you noticed a blinking red light. "Did...did it record all of that?" You ask him and kerry took notice as well. "Yeah...maybe i should put it on the bonus track."

[jayjayr]

Yandere Whit Young x GN Reader

no one else would do it so im doing it

this is my first time writing so yeahh...sorry if i mess up

TW for...yandere and uhh...description of blood ig

A normal day in the killing game....waking up, eating, and at least TRYING to start conversation with others. Ace yelling as usual, you grab your breakfast and sit down in the dining room with almost everyone else. At least David sat next to you and spoke like a normal person.

"Hey, y/n. How are you today?" He said, smiling and fixing his hairpins.

"Fine i guess....tired."

He nodded, taking a bite of his food. You two continued talking for a bit, quietly since everyone else was talking already. You were completely unaware that a certain matchmaker was watching the two of you like a HAWK. Whit.

Whit was sitting with Charles, Charles talking about chemistry not knowing that Whit wasn't even listening. Whit stared at you, then David, then you again. He had been in love with you ever since the game started, you were the most beautiful, mesmerizing person he had ever layed eyes on. If he could, he would run up to you and kiss your cute little face until he cant breathe. But he couldn't. He felt David was in the way of his plan. His plan to make you his. Charles snapped him out of his trance.

"Whit, are you even listening?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah im listening. something about ...Calcium..?" He responded nervously, very bad at putting an act up.

"Whatever, Whit. Teruko has to talk to me anyways. see you later."

Whit watched as he walked away, slightly not caring at all. He saw David get up from his seat as well.

"Well, i want to go check up on he others. i think Hu wants to see me. Bye, y/n!" You waved at him as he left, staying in your seat and minding your own business. Whit got up and followed David out. As soon as David got to a secluded space where no one else was, Whit grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall.

"DAVID." Whit said sternly and threateningly. David jumped in surprise.

"Y-Yes..?"

Before David could say anything, Whit grabbed a tiny pen/knife out of his pocket and held into his neck firmly. David trembled and grabbed Whits hand to try to get him off.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He yelled.

"Y/n. is. MINE. Either stop speaking to them or i slit your throat right here and now. Understand?"

"I-Im not just going to stop speaking to them. They're my best friend, i cant just--"

Before he could finish, Whit dragged the knife across his throat harshly. Blood was all over the wall and floor by the time he was done. He didn't stop slicing his neck until there was enough blood all over him and the room. He licked the blood of his knife, the metallic taste burning his throat and stinging his tongue. He giggle a little bit before hearing footsteps coming towards the room they were in. The door handle twisted and opened slowly

Whits eyes widened at the sight of you standing at the doorway. He was covered almost completely in Davids blood, staring love sickly at you. You gasped, taking a step back.

"Wha-What the fuck?!? Whit?! David!?"

Whit stepped towards you, pulling you into the room and shutting the door behind you. He turned the light off, pinning you to he wall roughly. He got closer and laughed at your trembling and fearful expression.

"Ohh my sweet, sweet y/n~ What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost..." He cupped your cheek and looked down at you. He turned your head to look up at him instead of the scene behind him. "You're so precious..."

You were panting in fear at that point, slightly calmed by the feeling of his hands on you and his reassuring words...

"Whit why would you..."

"Shhhhhhh....its just the two of us now. Dont worry about him... you're all mine now darling~" He gave you a light kiss on the cheek before wrapping his arms around you gently. "My cute little y/n....forever."

You two stood there for a bit. Hopefully no one would notice that there was a body.

A/N: i physically cringed while writing this i hope you all are happy because this is ye worst thing i think i have ever seen or writen in my life. Whit also may have been ooc my bad.

[toyfii]

just to be safe, cw: ed-related talk, kinda (but i dont have eds)

i hate this paternal biological parent creature thing person zo much. he keeps throwing away food thats perfectly fine. just bc its a day old, or a few days old, doesnt mean its going to kill us or make us sick or give us chronic illness. he also throws away food thats in the refrigerator for a few days, too. its always good food, it looks good smells good tastss good, but no there must be some invisible health monster that will kill me if i eat it. the feeling of... empty sadness and anger.. when i see the trash and see good food thrown in there. it makes me so upset so so so so ooooooo. he keeps listening to facebook or something. or asian health experts or something. hes so strict with what we can eat and whats "good" for us. it doesnt matter if it tastes horrendous and makes me gag and vomit, he thinks. as long as its good for you.

and all the good food, yeah if its a few days old, ummm that's too old and its not good for you, lets just throw it away.

i used to hide food in my room when i wanted to eat it. or, hide it in the refrigerator if it had to stay there. hide it behind other stuff. just so he wouldnt throw it away. i had to eat in secret, so he wouldnt lecture me about how i was going to destroy my digestive system or some nonsense like that. and i had to lie to him about what i ate, so he doesnt ask questions.

but ever since my dad remarried another family, ofc its impossible to hide anything. im so lucky that my room is safe still, but fridge is no longer safe. i have to basically force myself to eat whatever's perishable and whatever my dad plans on throwing out after i go to bed.

its very pleasant /s, having to force yourself to eat a lot, when youre already getting self conscious about your own weight and body. like i wish i could just save the food for tomorrow, and then nobody has to worry about cooking new stuff anyways. and i dont have to overeat. but noooono. my health is important or something. like if eatin day old food is going to shave years off my life, give me life-long stomach problems anf shit. no it won't. the Facebook people are lying to you. but he'll never believe that. he'll keep throwing more and more food away. get more strict. eventually all ill be eating is grass and water every day. or maybe the grass will be switched with fucking rocks. eating pebbles eating sand.

makes it worse when i already despise overconsumption and waste so much. i know how much hard work goes into everything we eat and use every day. all that hard work down the trash. for no reason at all.

makes me want to cry. hurt myself. try to erase all my thoughts and memories. every day i hav to choose,

force myself to eat n get fat (or vomit it all out 15 mins later) or waste food. either way, im making a bad decision and have no power to change it.

[sunnnfish]

Due to the mental anguish I am rambling about tbhk. I WAS going to put this under a readmore but that keeps breaking the post on mobile so. Im sorry. Tons of spoilers for chapter 99. And like the whole series. You know how it is.

I feel like I need to make an itemized list because there’s so fucking much I need to talk about right now

The violence and parallels to tsukasa. I mean who can forget tsukasa prying mitsubas mouth open to feed him number 3s heart. Who knows what tsukasa’s intentions were but they weren’t necessarily bad— as we know now mitsuba needs to eat to survive plus number 3 was like a pretty big power boost that would keep him together for a longer time. So he likely just wanted mitsuba to live comfortably. BUT ALSO there’s the beginning of the chapter where tsukasa tells mitsuba to dig the heart out himself vs kou who gets it for him. Anyways. With kou here it clearly came from a similar place of wanting mitsuba to not disappear. There’s a desperation to it and fear and it’s one I personally actually know quite well. I’ve dealt with friends refusing to eat and take care of themselves and it is a violent frustrating feeling that just ends with crying after the anger fades. There’s a lot of confusion like. Why do you not care about yourself as much as I care about you. Anyways. His actions make a lot of sense to me bc I have felt and done the exact same things.

Me core ^

and THEN there’s mitsubas feelings of wanting to be fucking exorcised and going to the fucking minamoto household to do it there’s so much here hang on. Like. I think he went to the minamoto house for some sliver of hope. If he wanted to for sure disappear he probably could’ve waited it out or something better but he went to the place where, depending on who answered the door, he’d either die or be faced with fucking. Kou minamoto. And the fact the he chose to reveal himself to kou it’s like. Did you really want to disappear. Did you really. And then taking him out on a fucking date basically like. You don’t want to disappear do you. You just don’t want to be. This. He wants to be human. He wants someone who will understand him and. And. Kou so readily accepts and understands him. Even the parts he thinks are ugly or unworthy. Fuck.

AND THEN. Kous feeling of inadequacy and fearing that mitsuba trusts tsukasa more than him and connecting to the vision he saw in the red house. Whether he accepts it or not he wants mitsuba to need him. The red house showed him a mitsuba who told him that he needs kou that he wants kou to be a supernatural with him and he brushes it away knowing mitsuba would never say that to him. He tells himself that mitsuba would never trust him or want him like that but he wants it to be real and he’s still hurt when the real mitsuba won’t open up to him. And it all comes back to his overall self worth issues of wanting to be strong and dependable and worthy.

AND this is all under the context of Teru finally letting kou have some responsibility and telling him to go exorcise the low level spirit that came near their home and AaaaaAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU. KOU MINAMOTO……..

God its just. Kou minamoto cares about mitsuba so so so much and neither of them completely understand the gravity of it all. Also at this point hes said like 3 times that mitsuba is the root of all his worries. ALSO dont even get me started on the art and expressions this chapter. It’s so gorgeous like as always but. God. Also the keychains. Im gonna[blaring truck horn]

ALSO the way mitsuba says at the end like ‘you’d be lonely without me’ or whatever and kou almost looks shocked for a second like. Oh. And its like he thinks about it more and cries more because yeah, he would be lonely. He’s been lonely. Mitsuba somehow inexplicably became like his closest friend that knows everything about him and god he was lonely when mitsuba disappeared. The first time and the second. And he’s barely had time to process any of it because to everyone else around him mitsuba doesnt really. Matter. And because kou is so kind he is always putting everyone else’s problems in front of his own. The severance happens and it becomes a journey to help nene bring hanako and aoi back—next to no mention mitsuba aside from the leads to the red house, much less trying to find and save him too. The whole time theyre in the boundary to the far shore its all about hanako and nene and number 6. And there’s STILL the conversation about how to become a supernatural that he brought up with nene but noooooo we cant ever know anything about what kou wants. And like. It all comes back around this chapter because he so so selfishly wants mitsuba to live. One of the only things he lets himself want. And it aches. God. I wish i was any good or natural at prose writing because god the things i would write about minamoto kou. AND TO TOP IT OFF HES LIKE FUCKING 14 YEARS OLD…. Okay. Okay im done.

[princesstokyom]

so I had a thought and wanted to ask, since you are both a boy and a girl at the same time, how would you feel about someone using he/she as pronouns for you? very specifically the combination "he/she" not he or she.

example sentence, "yeah I know princess, he/she is super cool!"

(this is just a hypothetical based off of a random ass thought I had, if it upsets you in anyway shape or form I'm sorry that's absolutely not my intention)

im not upset at all, dont worry!

this is a FASCINATING question, id never considered this as an option before and truthfully, i think its Hysterical, and i mean that in the best possible way.

ive always had the mindset of "i dont really care what pronouns people use as long as theyre respectful". for example, i do really hate "they" pronouns being used on me, but, if its someone trying to be kind to me by using them. for example, my therapist used "they" in a letter to the disbility benefits people because she didnt "want to misgender me" but also didnt want to out me to my mum (which is so fuckin funny to me when i DO use "she" pronouns so she could have just used those with no issue).

in turn, my attitude towards my preferred pronouns has always been "whatever is easiest" for the other person. if they want to mix it up, they can mix it up. if they want to stick to just one, then they can stick to just one. except for people who think "it/its" pronouns are transphobic, theyre ONLY allowed to use "it/its" on me because fuck em.

never in my life had i considered someone using multiple of them simultaneously, but ultimately, if someone was comfortable doing that, i'd be MORE than happy with that. because they idea that that would confuse the shit out of anyone they were talking to by doing so is SO damn funny to me, in the same way that my girlfriend saying she would alternate calling me her boyfriend or girlfriend to her parents just to confuse them is funny to me.

my gender is CHAOS, and if you can confuse people with my pronouns, then i MORE than encourage that, and i love you for bringing this idea to mind, its amazing 100000/10

[andromerot]

my pedro almodóvar marathon. thoughts, feelings, tier list

or, i spent like 50 hours on this so i better get to post about it

well, i'd be lying if i said i set out to do this with any clear goals in mind. i sort of just wanted to watch movies. this year i set out to watch through a couple of directors entire works, but ran into complications or got bored. so anyway when i finished my term i decided id try a third time with my best friend pedro. i had watched five of his films already but was mostly unaware of other things he had made. on the 22nd of november i started with matador, then went on and in exactly a month i had watched all of his feature films yayyy

so this is how i ranked them on letterboxd and this is a tier list. this doesnt really sum up my thoughts though so im leaving a little review for each below the cut, in the order i watched them in this month hope someone cares :) thank you

matador (1986): ohhhhhh my god. absolutely unexpected how insane this movie made me. many people say its not very good, i dont think that's true. transgressive, erotic, camp, necrosexual, implicit faggot tension, beautiful costuming, insanely talented cast of so many characters sick in the head. watching this one first really hyped me up to keep at it and to close out the month i rewatched it the other day and though it was less surprising than the first time i watched it its maybe my favorite now :) it has structural flaws i suppose. but i love it

¿que he hecho yo para merecer esto? (1984): pretty funny! not bad at all, i remember enjoying it as i watched it, it just wasnt very memorable. i enjoy every performance by carmen maura, chus was stellar as always and forqué was really sweet in this one too, i liked it. i literally forgot half of the plot though. did anyone remember the telepathic child or the faked hitler diaries? i didnt until i looked it up.

la ley del deseo (1987) (rewatched): showed this one to my friend, god its iconic. some of my favorite chiques almodovar. so fun to watch and so silly even though its not quite a comedy. the fact that antonio is just called antonio in this one makes me unwarrantedly happy. MAURA THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!! very hot all around. i think i liked it better this time than the other two i had watched it.

pepi, luci, bom y otras chicas del montón (1980): everyone talks about how sexually transgressive 80s almodovar is and i was like yeah whatever until i watched this one. straight up trilogy of trash shit. so beautiful. i wish every movie was like this. no one likes it but i adored it. erecciones generales will stay in my mind forever and i loved the musical numbers. and the piss, of course.

entre tinieblas (1983): also somewhat forgettable, though i watched it while pretty worried about something else so maybe i didnt give it the attention it deserved. its not a bad time but i wouldn't rewatch it. based on the premise you think it'd be better.

la flor de mi secreto (1995) (rewatched): OH GOD. until last month my favorite almodóvar, its been outdone but it still destroys me. its terribly underrated. i dont even know what i can say about it... marisa paredes is stunning at doing desperation. the boots, the scene at the protest, the initial meeting with ángel, the poem in the car, that moment in the hall. it's beautiful and breathtaking. lesbian film history, i promise.

todo sobre mi madre (1999): like, its good, but i dont get what people see in it that makes it so acclaimed. again paredes is great in this, but penélope is somewhat tame compared to what she does later, and this is the point in the list where i have to admit cecilia roth is not very good to me and all my compatriots start throwing rocks at me. listen i just wish she'd stop doing that stupid accent its so fucking bad cecilia sincerate seguro sos de villa crespo. anyway its fine if a bit weird about trans women, but hes always a hit or miss w that

átame (1989): took a big break between the last one and this one for some reason. anyway, pretty funny, except it really drags in the middle. shouldnt have been that long, but victoria abril always slays and the last scene is wonderful.

tacones lejanos (1991): WOAHHHHH! really cool i liked it. i love a mother daughter thing especially this mother and this daughter. really fun doppelganger story and i love how it was told, i found it both melodramatic and subtle? miguel bosé makes a really pretty girl, this will inform my every subsequent rewatch of suspiria. big fan of his gender. dance number fucked obvs

kika (1993) (rewatch): ok, i know why people don't like this one, but its so silly... cmon. it sillay. once again incredible abril performance, the costuming my god.... her character makes the whole movie i wish i was her. lesbian rossy de palma was wonderful and every forqué performance is a delight. pedro getting hitchcockian with it to slightly trick the audience is a staple of his 90s filmography, fucks.

carne trémula (1997): the title made me think it would be better! there was barely any carne. i didn't really see the point of most of it tbh, though based on how the movie starts and ends there might be some spanish historical context that im missing that makes it more interesting. strangely reminiscing of the buenos aires affair to me, but puig is better. yeah it was just pretty boring.

laberinto de pasiones (1982): YAYYYYYY i had some trouble torrenting so i watched it really out of order this but its SO FUN. obviously in the same vein as pepi luci bom but i liked it slightly more just for how unnecessarily elaborate it was. the one major role i dont mind roth being in and im a big fan of antonios gay terrorist with an ultradeveloped sense of smell character and arias is really into his very silly character too – he works well in secreto as well, i wish hed been on more almodovares, i should finally watch camila. liné was hilarious too. the problematic incest storyline was really funny to me sorryyyyy and i got a lot of gender out of the musical performances. hey can you believe that beautiful fag covered in blood is a franquista now. i can

hable con ella (2002): ehhhhhhh. some people really hate this one for the couple scenes i found most interesting, others love it for reasons i cant parse. its got parts that caught my attention a lot, but mostly it was eerie in an unenjoyable and uninteresting way and the backstories dragged on too long, especially grandinetti's. like i just don't care sorry. THE scene is quite disturbing though. i appreciated he decided to show rape in a more subtle light for once, it made it a lot more cruel and a lot more interesting.

la mala educación (2004) (rewatch): sighhhh. i really wish i liked this one. its got so many elements i am into – the colours are obviously spectacular, the unreliable multiple narrations and the disassembled timelines are always enjoyable to me, the attempt at social commentary is appreciated, some scenes are stunning (fictional ignacios head split in half is unforgettable) but quite honestly the characterization is so bad it bores me. i liked it more the first time i watched it just because of how confused i was, once i wasnt it lost its magic. maybe the worst in what is considered the "somewhat autobiographical movies about directors" trilogy (i think there's four of them but we'll discuss that later) probably because the character of enrique is so bland. i know its more but it feels that you only spend like five minutes with him. ángel/juan's motivations for anything are so puzzling, ignacio is just a caricature at this point and probably the character with the most depth is berenguer, which is ironic, i guess

volver (2006): WAHHH. its hard to talk about it honestly. it was so unexpectedly beautiful. the acting is so on point – penélope cruz and that beautiful carmen maura comeback are self evident, but blanca portillo is also stellar. it was fascinating from minute one and i couldnt keep my eyes off it. its written with such care and love. i suppose the plot itself is nothing out of this world, but the way it is handled is explosive. i really adored it.

los abrazos rotos (2009): the fourth bastard on the self insert series! cmon, its way more about himself than la mala educación. anyway, its good at some points, not very in others. the strong point is obviously the relationship between mateo, judit and diego, their refusal to be tied as a family and their desire to be tied by love is reaaaally interesting. the scene at the sea... but penélope and her millionaire and her millionaires son do nothing interesting at any point, im afraid to say. sad! surprisingly not very memorable, even though i didnt dislike it as i watched it. like i remember i liked some things but if a couple weeks later i dont remember what they were its probably the movies fault

la piel que habito (2011): AUGHHH OK. fuck. THIS ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD. it wasnt it was really mid. when it started i was like oh is pedro trying out his hand at cronenberg and i was really excited because im SURE he can do cronenberg better than cronenberg but he didnt. it was worse. how are you giving your women less agency than that guy??? honestly probably the first ever film of his where this is a noticeable problem, though penélope in the last one should give us a hint. ughh it should have been good. im mad about that. no desire to question gender or power and the unchronological storytelling does nothing for me. BAD! if anything i recognized its sexual power for if banderas character was a woman i would be throwing up and convulsing on the floor. i hope vicente and his lesbian coworker had a beautiful romance i guess. i cant believe some people call this one one of the most controversial of his work....

los amantes pasajeros (2013): hm well everyone was like THIS is the bad one and i was like i bet you guys are just being mean but no yeah this is the bad one. its not funny and it drags on so long...i can usually defend the rape scenes in his movies, even in kika or hable con ella, but this one just sucks so bad. i was prepared to defend this movie but i cant. as soon as the movie started i was trying to guess where all the threads would connect, how all the characters would be linked and they mostly... weren't? also the reference to the gazpacho scene in mujeres made me groan out loud.

julieta (2016): well i dont really know what this was supposed to be....it feels on the surface it could have been really good but something about it felt so emotionless. it was an odd experience, watching it, because i expected to be moved by so many scenes and i never was. i dont know what the point of it was.

dolor y gloria (2019): ok yeah this one was sweet! didn't blow my mind or anything but it was very cleverly made...a really more beautiful way to do the childhood-as-movie thing than in mala educación, i really enjoyed it. nostalgia bores me sometimes but i feel hes not being annoying about it. long live old man yaoi (and finally an argentinian actor i DONT hate...) and that beautiful beautiful cave and that mind gripping apartment bringing in the characteristic insane set design but in a new way...i had a good time

madres paralelas (2021): oh this could have been so good! it wasnt but honestly i dont remember exactly why i disliked it. i suppose i didnt connect to the characters and that it is a story that requires that to engage you – their motivations were really out of place and unlike other movies that bothered me. really interesting premise, didnt work out. im sad about it. could have been cool.

yeah so that's it i only realized while writing this that i forgot to rewatch mujeres but obvs that ones very good, proper classic, quote it every time i eat gazpacho and such. also extraña forma de vida is a snore i refuse to watch it again. i hope this works as a rec list for someone. and i am ready to be stoned by my wrong opinions by the rest of you

[cogbreath]

if i live i gotta make life changes let me be honest with u guys ive not been drinking alcohol meant for humans consumption ive been drinking dilluted cleaning alcohol because i really do need substances to ease my pains in life but i cant drive no license and i ran out of the shared weed supply me and my mom use and im really too shy to confide in her like "yeah so basically i cwnt live without drugs" which IS stupid because she is a former addict herself she would understand and not be mad at me but tbh im a very private person irl i dont like to verbally talk to people about things at all because it causes me a lot of struggle and distress to and irl im not really a verbal person. im not NONVERBAL entirely but i genuinely do struggle with speaking as an act so yeah. its a lot of shit. anyway cuz of all that i resorted to drinking dilluted fucking chemicals sbout it. fuckigng stupid i promise you guys if i survive this i wont do it again or if i do out of desperation it wil be because i tried rlly elly hard not to but needed an escape. idk if u guys entirely understand these sorts of circumstances i feel like the wider tumblr userbase isnt intimate with this kind of thing but i also know you guys generally want to be good ppl and i understand your lack of familiarity with this topic doesnt mean u hate me. nd we all have been taught awful things about drug use and addicts. pls kno that when shit like this happens it's not cuz we r selfish or stupid or anything like that its because we are fuckin desperate and whatever it is in our life be it mental illness physical illness etc, is hurting us to make us resort to this shit. yes it was a stupid act i i feel bad as fuck right now for what ive done to myself and my body and i worry also that if i survive it , that it migut fuck up my future, cuz the liver damage may jeapordize my ability to transition. and idk maybe this is sxary for you guys too maybe you feel uncomfortable hearing about it at all but honestly i dotn have anyone else you guys mean a lot to me and im including you guys because i care about you and i feel you care about me.

[chaos-shifts-111]

ask game — 🐞

also tell me absolutely everything u can about ur dr(s) i love listening

🐞; name three oddly specific things you’re excited to witness in your dr.

a thunderstorm - we rarely get thunderstorms where i live, and i'm so excited to see a actual big one!!!

the stars - the night sky is wayyyy clearer there, and we can see pretty much everything

all the creatures!!! - our world is filled with things like hippogriffs and dragons and all sorts of things and i cant wait honestly

everything else below the cut because there's going to be A Lot

thank you sm for asking that because i could talk about it for YEARS

a little bit of backstory first: the dr ive been talking about is my home, and it's a bit complicated. I used to live there as an immortal with Order (my name's Chaos) until i decided "hey, ive got an amazing idea! i'll be a human and wipe all my memories! dont worry though because if everything goes to shit all my memories will come back and i'll go home :3" and then all (most) of my memories came back about 8 or so months ago, but i'm fuckn stuck here??? so. thats fun ig. but anyway i brought Order here too he's currently living in my head (i'm plural temporarily sort of) so we're here together working to get out :3

so thats my backstory!!! im a master shifter who is completely stupid lmao

anyway on to my dr!!!! my name's Chaos, and i'm immortal!! i usually look aroud 22-26 (so like early 20s) and have super fluffy black hair and gold eyes that i miss a lot. Order's blond (like a loserrr) with bluish-grey eyes and hes always mad at me for something (not really lmao he loves me) and we're complete opposites. we're both shapeshifters and i can see the future, but i choose not to most of the time because i love being surprised!!! we live in this biggggg house full of plants and old books and it always smells like pastries because i love baking lmao (Order has me bake maple bars all the time he loves them) i absolutely love all the creatures there, and i have 10+ notebooks studying them. we've also got a hugeeeee old growth forest (that i planted!) in our backyard (i guess you can't really call it a backyard, it's way too big) sometimes ill go out there and sleep because it's so comefy??? have you ever tried sleeping on a moss bed??? my room changes constantly because i cant choose what i want it to look like lmao. but it's always full of plants and books!!! (i should make a post with images from pinterest with images of what our house sorta looks like, ill do that later) we also have the beach, you can see it from the balcony in Order's room, the sun rises over it and golden hour is beautiful with the ocean (look it up its incredible) also i just realized theres no paragraph breaks in this and i am so sorry guys i dont know how to format D: but anyways!! everything like the grocery store and bakery and park and stuff are all within walking distance from our house, and me and Order would go on walks all the time and it was super amazing!! and we knew most people in our neighborhood, and they knew we were immortal because yk it's a bit hard to hide if you don't age, and it's fine, sometimes a dragon flies over the town, sometimes 2 immortals live in your neighborhood, whatever.

thats all i have for you guys rn but feel free to ask questions, because its really hard to go into detail without specific guidelines lmao. but yeah!!! ily all <3

[hellishvxbes]

𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐀 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒

Under a read more cuz its gonna get long. anyways, spoilers blah blah blah dont read if you wanna be spoiled

ALRIGHT.

First thing I'mma talk about is Millie and how I am afraid for Moxxie and Millie's marriage.

The fact that she is not excited about this pregnancy can be for a multitude of reasons. For every sad fuck who wants to project homophobia on her cuz she wanted to off two gay guys, so fuck yourself. Not only is she moody, everyone is seeing a family. A FAMILY. KIDS. Moxxie making his stance very clear that this was something he would step aside from if they went through with it. Moxxie already seems like he would LOVE to have kids.

She talked to her sister about it, and while she said she feels a little better, she still seems to have your doubts. Kids is so important to bring up to your parent BEFORE you get married. not everyone wants them. the reason me and this dude i knew from the beginning weren't gonna get along was cuz he wanted kids and I did not. for my own reasons. none of which are anyone's business. if the case that millie and moxxie did not have this conversation, it could rock their relationship pretty hard if Millie doesn't want to keep it. and there's a billion ways she could go about it. and not telling Moxxie right away, kind of scares me. but whatever her choice is, its her choice. it could be just, shes worried about how they will afford to raise a child, bringing a child into this world, maybe she isnt sure she'd be a good mother. maybe shes not ready to surrender what she has right now to take care of a child. there's so much that goes into it. but one way or another, i feel like moxxie might push a little too hard and it comes out in all the wrong ways. I just. they are so wholesome to me, they aren't perfect but they work on things so well SO LIKE IM SUPER WORRIED FOR MY BABIES.

SECONDLY. OCTAVIA

Now we've only really seen snippets and shes been the total cliches of a teenage daughter. Im really happy to see more and god I felt her pain so much. my situation is different, i want my parents to get fucking divorced, my father is an asshole and I tell my mom everyday how I would back her if she really wanted to leave my dad. it never happens tho. because they are looked up to members of the church, because divorce is against their religion. its just so infuriating seeing how much they dont like each other and they staying together. i hate hearing them fight. or when they bring me into their fights. each one talking about the other to me while i keep saying their marriage isn't mine to fix.

a lot of things octavia sang about were things I feel about my mom. I have a lot of anger and resentment for her, how she always chooses everyone else over me. and how everything just turns out a disappoint or a lie. so I see where her anger lies when she said Stolas choose 'him' over her. Her 'yeah I'll be okay but I'll never be the same' and honestly, stolas is a lot to blame for this. its hard being in a loveless relationship. especially when a child is involved, but all this, had he done it sooner when she was a child, it would still have some effects but i think it wouldn't have been as bad. Idk honestly if Octavia can see what a piling of shit her mother is BUT I DIGRESS. shes taking a decision, shes choosing to cut him out. maybe it will change but for now, that is where her mind and heart are at. shes protecting herself from more heart and disappointment despite how we all know she still loves and misses her dad. that will never change.

i love this bit of symbolism at looking at parts of his garden are already dying. plants need neutering, they need proper attention for them to grow, the same way every child needs their parent. it really shows how stolas's absence will change her.

2 points here. who the fuck is she talking to on the phone

and WHY ARE THEY ONLY RESORTED TO EVIL LAUGHTER. like okay i get you won. but is that honestly it from these two?? i want more from them, I know andre is more the brains here, but like, there needs to be more.

NEXT IS STOLAS

baby was having such a hard time, and he will still struggle. people being like 'he JUST now realizing he's poor' no he's been noticed, hes been in shock. like hes' literally just been holding it in, trying not to make a fuss about it cuz theres not much either him or stolas can do. the moment blitz is like 'you're gonna need to start making money come in now too right' he loses it cuz hes never had to work for anything in his life. it was inherited to him. the thought of actually being in the working class, working on a holiday , yeah like allll us bitches already know the struggle. hes brand baby new. so he has a breakdown. he says he was stupid, cuz at this point?? he doesn't think blitz would do the same for him. giving his life up for someone who doesnt see him the same way he does.

stolas punching him was a much needed thing to do, cuz everything else aside this motherfucker was fucking cheering for him to lose everything. fabricated everything. its really this guys fault for taking it this far. he absolutely deserved that. I also love the way andre was like fuck the goetia i'm gonna fucking kill you. also stolas's 'do it, pussy' WAS SO GOOD. HOW DEEP HIS VOICE GOT.

the way i snorted at this

the ending was sweet, the dance between stolas and blitz was cuteee but its gonna take time before these two can officially be happy. stolas is probably not gonna be with him fully until he has octavia. gets a chance to really explain himself to her. cuz right now, it would look like shes right if he allowed them to be together. and i know its what stolas wants deep down, but for him, his child comes first. and its cause some riffs, cuz blitz seems to finally come to terms with his feelings for him but stolas is now unsure. theres a lot more to consider now. and as a parent? its so hard to want to have things for yourself, when it will affect your child. and we know stolas feels the same, he wasn't upset anymore when he saw blitz risking his life to save his. his attitude toward that bit did change, now its other things that will keep them from being happy rn.

blitz bring up his sister hit a very hard place for me. one I can't even fully talk about for reasons I can't explain either. i just know how hard it is to, lose a sibling you were close to, and suddenly youre strangers. you learn to move on and adapt, but theres still that feeling. and soooo much shit that goes into it but yeah. emotions are abound yall