#anyway yeah doc 3 has been pretty solid so far

[reborn--maggot]

One day I will be able to keep each of my works in a single document but I don’t expect it to happen any time soon so I’ve been playing a sort of game with the docs that are holding TTWSD, which is currently spread across three different docs because they all kept crashing after a certain number of pages. So, right now, i have: 

Trial (Doc) One: 29 pages  Trial Two: 25 pages  Trial Three: 31 pages (and counting)

I’m still working on Three, and it’s behaved surprisingly well, all things considered. Has not crashed once!

 Will update either when it crashes or gets to like 40 pages or something. 

[firelxdykatara]

You’re doing a LoK rewrite, correct? Would be really interested in hearing how you plan on fixing Suyin’s character and the Lin-Suyin conflict because……. oh boy. Man there’s a lot to unpack there. This is what happens when we don’t let Toph just raise her fucking kids for the sake of pushing a stupid as hell narrative about working women and single motherhood.

I am indeed!

In... you know, the way I'm doing most of my big potential projects, in that I have a folder with some documents that have plot notes and... some day I may actually get full, finished fics out of them (h2o AU is in there, as is my voltron!atla fusion AU, and uhhhh my book 3 atla rewrite, and a few other things), so... but I will say that the docs I have for my LoK rewrite so far amount to roughly 4.2k words of just Plot and Character Notes, which may some day turn into words of Story, hopefully.

ANYWAY, POINT IS: yes, this exists, and I have Many Many Thoughts.

Including how the Gaang kids would shake out! Cause I know I'm doing Zutara, and maybe Tokka???? Although I don't wanna just leave Suki out either... maybe a throuple??? Or Sukka having an amicable breakup before Sokka and Toph get together--maybe she already has Lin by then, and Sokka helps support her through the grief of losing Kanto???? Idk honestly, I haven't actually figured any of that out definitively yet except that Aang was perfectly happy to settle down with an Air Acolyte from one of the rebuilt temples because he grew up and out of his crush on Katara pretty easily once he hit puberty and matured a bit.

UHHH none of which is actually an answer to your question, because it's a valid one! Which is why I've been sitting on this a while (10 days I'm so sorry) bc I haven't made any solid decisions but I've been letting it percolate around my head a bit. And the more I think about it, the more I really like the Sukka -> Tokka idea (and I don't want to kill off Suki since the kids all deserve their awesome Kyoshi warrior auntie in their lives, and also I want a Sukka kid to be besties with Iara [zuko and katara's youngest] so maybe she gets with someone else after she and Sokka split? I could be talked into Ty Lee/Suki actually, the more I think about it....), but obviously having a stable father figure and a Toph who is... not what LoK made her out to be will dramatically change the Beifong family dynamic.

That said, I think I actually have a solution. (I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do.) Toph has Lin with Kanto--and he passes away when Lin is two or three, which is why she has very few memories of her father. (Although none of this 'she doesn't even know his name until she's 50+ cause Toph didn't tell her daughters about their fathers' bullshit.) Sokka is there for her through it all (all of the gaang is, of course, but you know that it sometimes just hits different when it's someone you're also starting to fall in love with, especially when there are older and much more deeply buried feelings there that are now resurfacing, because at least in my version Toph was deeply in love with Sokka when they were teenagers, but he was in love with Suki and she also loved Suki so she didn't want to mess up anything about their family or the group dynamics by making her feelings anyone else's problem), they fall in love, get married and have Suyin.

(Sokka may jokingly refer to it as a shotgun wedding, but the truth is he wanted to propose well before he found out she was pregnant, his attempts just kept getting messed up in increasingly comedic fashion.)

Throughout all of this, Republic City has been established, Sokka is Chancellor, Toph is something of a defacto police chief--mostly because, at the time, no one else was willing to volunteer, and she jokingly offered to whip the law enforcement, but unfortunately everyone else at the meeting took her seriously. However, she is also the founder of the probending league, and basically her feelings about law enforcement are complicated and she actively discouraged her kids from joining the force which is part of why Lin did. How else do you have a teen rebel phase with a parent like Toph? (Which, in this instance, means tough and firm but fair, with a 'you break it, it's up to you to fix it' attitude and very little desire to actually control her daughters and their behavior.)

Ah, but here's the rub.

Suyin is ten years old when Sokka dies, and Lin is sixteen. I'm not sure how he's killed--maybe by Yakone, to tie it into my plans for Amon and book 1. (Note that I'm not sure when the Yakone bloodbending trial happened in canon, but it doesn't matter. The timeline I'm gonna build will be completely different post-comet, and I'll eventually write it all down so that I can keep things straight.) Which would incidentally provide excellent means of having Katara have a very personal stake in the Amon conflict, and perhaps color the fight between him and Iara, but I'm getting off track. And I think Sokka being killed by Yakone, and Toph being unable to protect or save him, or deliver her own brand of justice to avenge him (because Aang is there to stop her and.... shit probably got ugly, I suspect she didn't talk to Aang for at least twenty years after Sokka's death--and this isn't to say I think Toph is particularly violent or murderous, but in that moment, she absolutely wanted to kill the man with her bare hands, and however much she may have regretted it afterwards, she took a very long time to forgive Aang for stopping her in the first place), is what results in Toph stepping down as police chief.

She didn't withdraw from her daughters or fuck off into the swamp or anything (words cannot express how much I hate that part of her canon history), but she did grieve for a very long time. Lin, meanwhile, felt like it was up to her to keep her family together, while also feeling a desperate need to... prove herself, I think. And because her mother was so adamant that she not join the police force, that's exactly what she does. I think Lin completely misread Toph's intentions, too, and believed that the discouragement was because her mother didn't think she had what it takes, when in reality I think Toph was scared of Lin losing herself in the job like she herself had begun to, and eventually coming up on something she couldn't change or fix and making the same mistakes she had.

(I think Toph and Lin have communication issues largely because they are both headstrong and willful, but where Toph thought she was giving her daughters the room they would need to make their own way, what Lin desperately craved was direction and she felt like that was something her mother simply couldn't understand.)

Suyin, on the other hand, fell in with a bad crowd like in canon. I think that what she desperately needed was attention, similar to Lin craving direction, and Toph was trying so hard not to be her own parents that she went a little too far in the other direction and Suyin began to feel like it didn't matter what she did, her mom wouldn't care, or get angry, or discipline her, or anything. Lin and Suyin butted heads a lot growing up, too, especially after Sokka's death, because Lin tried to rein in her sister's behavior and this was met with resistance and derision because Suyin felt like Lin was trying to be both mom and dad and she was neither but her big sister would never admit to being just as lost as she was and it made her furious.

So when Suyin is sixteen, and Lin is twenty-two and new to the force, The Big Rift happens. Lin catches Suyin and her gang, tries to apprehend her, gets a scar on her face in the ensuing conflict. But instead of abusing her power and sending her problem child off to her mother before fucking off to the swamp to avoid the consequences of her actions, Toph tries to actually fix things. Suyin cools her heels in prison for a while, because she was paralyzed by guilt at the time when she hurt her sister (a few inches lower and she could have slit her throat), and was still there when Lin's backup arrived.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm so sorry I rambled for so long, BUT THE UPSHOT IS: I think Suyin learned a bit about culpability and taking responsibility for her own actions, Toph realized that her daughters had different needs than she did at their age (and I think a lot of the problem was that grief clouded her own ability to connect with her daughters, and in trying to not be her own parents she lost sight of how to be the parent her own daughters needed), and Lin, I think, had to realize that she had never fully processed the loss of not one but two fathers and had turned to her job in order to avoid actually confronting the grief that had overshadowed her childhood.

However, she did not forgive Suyin, at least not right away--and she wasn't forced or expected to. Suyin understood that she crossed a serious line, she took her lumps and did her time, and no one shamed Lin for her anger. I think, as a result, she had less reason to hold onto that bitterness, and perhaps by the time the story actually begins, she and Suyin are on much better terms, though I haven't worked it out exactly yet.

UHHH yeah I went on for days lmao. All of this is subject to change, too, depending on the needs of the story whenever I get around to actually writing it all down, BUT these are my initial thoughts, at least.

[vtforpedro]

health update - long post

hi everyone! I think it's been a month and a half or so since my last update I saw a rheumatologist, had MRIs done, and got my results back from my hematologist SO cancer: still undetectable in my blood, check every 3 months and hope it doesn't show up for a long time lol \o/ I don't think I can say I'm in remission until a certain amount of time has passed but I hope I can say that one day MRIs: actually show some possible improvement with the chiari and spinal fluid flow? and if there IS improvement (like the radiologist who wrote the report had the MRI from a year ago as reference and his findings were all 'normal' compared to april 2020, but it was hard to get an answer out of my neurologist and neurosurgeon if there was solid evidence of physical improvement). but yeah IF there's improvement, that is highly indicative of IIH because my neurosurgeon told me when people with IIH lose weight, the chiari often corrects itself because there's less pressure and more room in the skull for the cerebellar tonsils to be in a normal position. regular chiari that you're born with doesn't do that lol so if there IS improvement with weight loss, then yeah, IIH. even if they don't wanna put in the diagnostic code for it without a lumbar puncture sigh lol I hate typing this because I'm so paranoid it'll all go to shit if I talk about it, but there have been improvements as I've lost weight. I seem to have a couple weeks where my head isn't so severe, mostly manageable with a few awful days. then I'll have a few weeks of it being Really Really bad with a few not-so-awful days. which IIH can do this sort of 'remission' thing but considering it was like 24/7 with no breaks for a year I'd say this is moving in the direction I want it to completely changed my diet a handful of months ago and adjusting it still to be even healthier/more fulfilling. I started using the Noom app (paid sub version) cause it's so focused on psychology instead of 'dieting' and building habits that are sustainable in the long, long-term. I really love it so far. the routine of doing it at the same time every day has already made me feel better mentally about my weight loss journey despite my struggles with losing weight, I am officially down 20lbs \o/ they say for improving/curing IIH, you need to lose 10-20% of your body weight. well, 10% down! time to lose another 20, but I don't find it intimidating and I'm not dreading it. it's hard to have hope, especially on really bad weeks, but I'm taking it one day at a time. definitely not cured but I'm aiming for 40lbs more (so 60 altogether) and by then, maybe, just maybe.... rheumatologist/autoimmune disorder results: so I went to a rheum cause I got that positive autoimmune disorder blood test with the possibility of lupus or scleroderma. she said that she gets so many hematology patients because leukemia and lymphoma have blood antibodies, so it will almost always show up as positive on this antibody test and most people actually won't have an additional autoimmune disorder. I don't have a lot of symptoms of lupus or scleroderma according to her, so she told me don't worry about autoimmune disorders for three months. don't think about them. we'll repeat labs then and see what they say. so that's good news so far and I hope it remains that way 15%+ of the population will test positive on the same test without having any health issues, which I found interesting. and I asked since I already have an autoimmune disorder, tho it's endocrine versus rheumatic, if that would also trigger a positive result and she said yes it would! so yeah... I hope by late July I can still say I don't have an additional autoimmune disorder I see a gastroenterologist tomorrow for the bloating/abdominal pain and other stuff I've been having. I have a feeling I'll be given some antacids (or w/e they're called when it's prescription strength) and that will improve. but jfc I'm up to eight specialists now lol NINE doctors are following my health god it's such a shitty feeling especially when I can barely trust any of them. at

least they all believe me now, but it cost me my quality of life and mental health to even get to this point so I'm still feeling pretty fucking bitter and angry about it all you know what's really hard about completely changing my diet + starting new medications/supplements? for some reason at the beginning of all of this when I was experiencing repeated trauma at the ER, my brain developed a phobia of allergic reactions, despite the fact that I've never had one for food/medicine (I'm talking anaphylactic reactions). so now every single new thing I eat, every new med or supplement, I go through panic attacks for days on end thinking I'm going to die before it starts easing. also, anxiety makes your throat feel like it's closing up and that it's harder to breathe already so lmao fun times. I literally never thought about this in all my life and I never even experienced an allergic reaction to develop this intense fear, so you know. fuck doctors for putting me through this when it was all so unnecessary sigh anyway. still can't watch videos, tv, movies, read, bend over, walk for longer than 5 minutes, and can't talk for long either because it'll trigger a head episode. I'm terrified I won't be able to do these things ever again, but I'm still aiming for my goal weight no matter what and I know I can get there bouncing between misery and hopelessness, and slightly less misery and some hope right now, but I guess that's better than it's been for a year, right? sorry for rambling. I feel like a lot has gone on but I've also had the biggest gaps between doc appts in a while which is a relief just because I can't stand being in medical buildings or around doctors anymore completely vaccinated too, so that's another relief, but I'm wearing masks until americans get their heads out of their asses and we start seeing little to no community spread cause I am still immunocompromised. wouldn't it be nice if people like, idk, cared about each other ok sorry! I hope you're all well and healthy and safe. I love you very much and I'm grateful for your support, forever and always! <3

[pindaleng]

Title: But I Knew You

Pairing: Avatrice

Chapters: 1/1

Wordcount: 2270

Summary: College AU. Beatrice is Ava’s favorite person. Ava loves being around her in a way she can’t explain. She wants to do everything with her, from studying to partying to walks outside. Which is completely normal for best friends.

Getting flustered by close contact and fake flirting is also definitely a super normal friendship thing.

Read on AO3 or below.

“I don’t get it.”

Beatrice sighed from her desk. “You don’t have to, it’s organic chemistry.”

“But I feel like I should. Like, this is the structure of living things right? I’m living, so I should understand how it works.”

“You use the internet, but you don’t know how that works.”

“Good point.” Ava shut the thick textbook in front of her. She didn’t really want to learn anyways. “You done yet?”

Beatrice sighed again, turning in her chair to face Ava, who was sitting on her bed. “We’ve only been working half an hour, and I specifically said I was spending the entire day studying. Which you should be doing too, since I know you said you have an exam Monday.”

“Fine Ms. Studious.” Ava made a big show of loudly unzipping her backpack and finally pulling out her laptop and notebooks. “I’ll…study,” she said, punctuating her last word with air quotes.

Beatrice narrowed her eyes, definitely looking skeptical, but turned back to her own pile of schoolwork.

Ava opened up her Google doc notes on her laptop, and simultaneously picked up her phone to check Twitter. Beatrice was right to doubt her; she practically never did any work on Saturdays. That’s what Sundays were for.

And yet, every Saturday, she showed up at Beatrice’s room under the guise of studying, just so she could hang out with her favorite person. Beatrice was one of the few people Ava felt comfortable in silence with, maybe due to all the death glares she’s received from Beatrice when she’s being too distracting.

Either way, she found comfort in it, even if they’re just sitting in the same room together, focused on their own activities. Beatrice studying, and Ava scrolling through social media on her phone, occasionally typing a paragraph or two for a paper due the following week.

They’re pretty much polar opposites, and Ava often wondered how they stuck as friends. Probably due to the weird crucible of living on the same freshman year dorm floor. People got to know everyone really quickly, for better or worse.

Luckily, it turned out for the better with everyone Ava met. A few of them with rooms in the north wing bonded fast, and they rented a house together for their sophomore year. She loved them all: Mary, Lilith, Camila, and Beatrice.

But especially Beatrice.

Beatrice was smart, kind, and witty, and honestly the best listener Ava’s ever met. Ava unabashedly talks a lot. Like, a lot. And being like that, people can lose interest as conversation and friendships progress.

But Beatrice still gave Ava her full attention after a year of Ava talking her ear off. Which was still impressive every time.

It’s cool.

It’s cool that she has a solid group of friends when there was no one back home to keep in touch with.

She really loved it here.

There were so many things to do and people to meet, sometimes she still got overwhelmed by it all.

And the best place to get the full experience? College parties.

It was the midst of midterm season, but honestly all the more necessary to have something to blow off stress. And to be real, midterm season lasted from the second month of school to the end of the semester. So, no better time than the present.

After Ava got kicked out of Beatrice’s room for being too distracting, she spent most of that evening helping the rest of her housemates set up their party. Mary was in charge of getting alcohol, having the most connection with older students. Lilith put Ava and Camila in charge of cleaning and setting up, which basically meant that Lilith didn’t trust Ava to actually do the work well. Ava would have been offended if she didn’t enjoy spending time with Camila so much. The girl was a ball of literal sunshine, yet also unexpectedly, full of dirty jokes.

So, setting up the apartment with Camila was a party in itself, full of fun banter and deep life discussions.

Ava just finished putting out the snacks and booze, when the first people arrived. She cracked open a bottle of Fireball, and downed a double shot.

Ava happily shook out her body as the the liquid warmed her up. It was going to be a good night.

———

Ava’s in the middle of laughing at some stranger’s story when she caught sight of a figure coming down the stairs. She grinned.

“Woo! Life of the party’s here!!!” She yelled across the room, startling the people around her, and drawing Beatrice’s attention towards her. If Ava was sober, maybe she would have cared more that Beatrice looked slightly (very) embarrassed, but Ava definitely wasn’t sober. She half skipped and half jogged across the room, undoubtedly spilling her drink on herself and several bystanders.

She hugged Beatrice tightly when she reached her. God it felt nice. Like sinking into a bed of clouds. Or something similarly soft and fluffy and comforting. “I missed you.”

Beatrice laughed softly, close to Ava’s ear. The best sound in the world. “You just saw me a couple of hours ago.”

Ava pulled away and pouted. “Still.”

Beatrice smiled, in a perfect way that made her entire face brighter. Holy hell she was beautiful. “Well, I finished up for the day and I’m here now. Any chance you can show me where the party is?” Her eyes sparkled with playfulness.

Ava looked at her in disbelief. “Wait seriously? You wanna join?”

“I can’t be a dud at a party in my own house, can I?”

Beatrice had definitely sat out on many parties they’ve hosted, but Ava ignored that. For now, she was going to enjoy this win. She led her to the kitchen, where various bottles of alcohol and sodas crowded their dining table. Beatrice shrugged when Ava asked what she wanted, so she just made a vodka cranberry. It was a crowd pleaser drink in her opinion. Plus, some rich kid brought Grey Goose, which was probably double or triple the price of everything else on the table.

Beatrice took a sip. “Not bad.”

“I may not know much,” Ava tapped her index finger a couple times to her temple, “but I do know my liquor.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, you also know how to get on my nerves.” Beatrice said teasingly, voice devoid of any malice.

Ava took a overdramatic bow. “Thank you, m’lady.” She refilled her own cup with a mixture of vodka and sprite. “Shall we?” Ava offered her hand to the other girl.

Beatrice rolled her eyes, but put her hand in Ava’s.

Ava led them back to the main room, navigating through groups of bodies to eventually land them at a couch, which was miraculously unclaimed.

From there, Ava launched into basically non-stop talking, wanting to entertain Beatrice in the best way she knew how. She shared stories of all the people she met during the night so far, with Beatrice supplementing the conversation with appropriate reactions and commentary. Ava recounted one guy that recklessly challenged her to shotgunning a beer against him. Spoiler alert, he lost miserably. Ava watched Beatrice’s eyes as much as she could while she was talking, entranced with their intenseness, openness, and expression. Did they always look like that?

The eye contact felt so personal, like it took away everyone else in the room, ignoring the raging party and loud music around them.

And the music was definitely loud, though the song choices were good. Mary knew how to set up a playlist. Ava got banned from music duty when she un-ironically added in Friday by Rebecca Black.

No regrets.

After exhausting all the tales from that night, she moved to discussing and speculating with Beatrice on the backstories of all the partygoers. People watching with Beatrice was always fun. As strait-laced as she appeared, Beatrice was also incredibly creative. Whatever wild stuff Ava theorized, Beatrice could match or do better.

At one point, a couple joined them on the couch, pushing Ava into Beatrice, pressing their sides together. The couch was much too small to comfortably fit 3 people, much less four.

“Shit, sorry.” Ava tried her best to back up and give Beatrice space, but there was nowhere to go.

Beatrice put a hand on her thigh and smiled. “Ava, it’s fine.”

Ava suddenly found it hard to breathe. Probably due to being surrounded by two more people.

“You okay?” Beatrice furrowed her eyebrows.

“Yeah, think I just need to get out here for a bit. Wanna take a walk?”

“Sure.”

There was a nice, cool breeze outside, a welcome relief from the humid air inside. It was also much quieter.

Beatrice suggested getting ice cream from Mcdonald’s and Ava emphatically agreed. Beatrice really knew her.

Fifteen minutes later she was contently humming to herself as they walked back to the house. This was the best party ever. She had an ice cream cone in one hand and somehow Beatrice’s hand in the other. A perfect night. Ava’s pretty sure this is the happiest she’s ever been in her entire life.

———

Ava groaned as she slid back into consciousness. She felt grimy, which was not unusual for her after a night of drinking.

She did a quick self inventory to assess the damage.

She was in her own bed, which was good. Boxers? On. Shirt? Also on, but in her sleep shirt instead of the button up she was wearing last night. Interesting. No bra. Also interesting.

She felt around to her right and left. No body in the bed with her. Good to know.

Minimal pounding in her head. She sat up, breathing a sigh of relief that she didn’t feel like throwing up.

She noticed a glass of water and a couple of Advils on her nightstand. Definitely Beatrice. No one else would be nice enough. Okay maybe Camila, but she still had bets on Beatrice.

She quickly washed down the pills with water and slipped on shorts and a pullover before making her way downstairs to the kitchen.

Mary was sitting at the table eating, and Beatrice at the stove pouring batter into a pan.

“Pancakes, oh my god. Bea you’re the best.” Ava gave Beatrice a tight hug and overdramatic sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Beatrice playfully pushed Ava away and made a show of wiping the kiss off her face. “Yeah yeah I know, now eat it while it’s still hot.”

Ava saluted. “Got it chef.”

“Dork.”

“You love it.”

“No comment.”

Ava’s in the middle of inhaling her fifth pancake when Mary said something. Beatrice left the room about a pancake ago, so it could only have been directed at Ava.

“What?” Ava momentarily stopped chewing.

Mary got up and started rinsing her dishes in the sink. “I said, you should really tell her how you feel.”

Ava knitted her eyebrows together. “About what?”

Mary stared at her for a while, long enough to make Ava to feel uncomfortable. Her mouth was still full, and Mary has perfected the gaze that made her feel like a kid in trouble.

“Never mind,” she said, as she put her dishes in the dishwasher.

“About what??” She repeated. Mary ignored her and walked out the kitchen. Ava swallowed the rest of the food in her mouth. “Asshole!” Ava yelled after her, eliciting a middle finger response.

Beatrice appeared in the doorway. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just Mary being cryptic and messing with me.”

“Sounds about right.”

Beatrice sat down at the table. “How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly… not bad. Seriously thank you for the food and Advils,” Ava remembered her state of dress when she woke up. “And…probably also for helping me out of my clothes.”

“Oh um, right, it was nothing. Didn’t want you sleeping in an uncomfortable, sweaty shirt.” Ava noticed Beatrice’s cheeks turn a little pink. Shit, she didn’t mean to embarrass her. She could fix this.

“Did you see something you like?” Ava wiggled her eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood, but it only made Beatrice blush harder. Oh my god Ava you’re so bad at this. She felt herself digging herself into a hole. Of course fake flirting with her is going to make it worse.

Ava was about to say something (probably dumb) to attempt again to save the situation, before Beatrice spoke.

“How could I not? You’re beautiful.”

For once, Ava was speechless. The incredibly reverent but casual way Beatrice said it completely took her breath away. There was something magical about how soft Beatrice’s eyes were, and how vulnerable it felt. Half of Ava felt calmed, while the other half of her was a raging mess. Ava felt the need to do something. She wasn’t sure what, but she needed to do something. She started racking her garbled brain for any ideas.

Beatrice’s smile slowly slid into a smirk, “Got you.”

The spell of the moment was broken. Ava laughed to dust off any lingering weird feelings. “Wow, got a taste of my own medicine. I’m impressed.”

“I had a good teacher. You should have seen your face.” Beatrice mimicked a “deer in the headlights” look for a brief moment before grinning again. She got up from the table. “Now hurry up and finish your food so we can get to the library. I’m not going to let you forget about studying for your midterm tomorrow.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“Cool.” Beatrice slapped Ava’s arm playfully before leaving the room.

Ava watched her go, wondering what in the living hell just happened. Fuck. Was she about to kiss her best friend?

[ckret2]

what are ichi, ni, and san attracted to individually?

Oh man I found my draft of this buried way deep in my docs, I meant to finish answering this ask weeks ago. How long have I been not working on this? Dang.

Anyway.

I've made some posts about who each of them are individually attracted to, but I haven't done one yet on what each of them individually finds attractive, so sure! A lot of the below will also discuss the love interests each of them has expressed attraction to, to the extent that each of their individual love interests reflect their individual tastes.

This post is 2700 words, buckle up.

Let's start off with what they've got in common—because what they've got in common vastly overwhelms their differences. All of their personal tastes have been heavily shaped by the trauma they went through, so both their collective tastes and individual tastes reflect that. Most prominently: they're all attracted to skilled/strong warriors, because 1) under the Xilien military they had it beaten into their heads that the only thing of worth about them is their ability to destroy, 2) at this point nearly all their hobbies and interests besides fighting have atrophied to nothing so fighting is the only couple bonding activity left to them, and 3) they live under constant terror that if they care about something, it will be destroyed/killed, because they ARE an instrument of destruction/death and that's the framework through which they see the universe—so a partner who can defend themself against anything that might try to destroy them is very appealing.

So you get a powerful warrior, that's gonna put a check mark on all three of their "ideal partner" wish lists.

They're also going to be collectively more attracted to people with dorat-esque physical traits. Scales, coloration in the yellow range, long flexible bodies, articulated wings, a one-head-and-four-limbs symmetrical body layout, snoutlike face with one mouth and two eyes... (When you've been around enough aliens, things like "symmetrical bodies with four limbs" and "one mouth and two eyes" are no longer a given.) Not that EVERYTHING is necessary for them to be attracted, of course, but little things add up. For example, if they were forced to choose and if he wasn't their Hated Nemesis, they'd find Godzilla more attractive than Kong on the basis of the fact that he's reptilian, he's got a tail, and he's got a row of spines down his back, and therefore he's more doratlike than Kong. However, Godzilla loses out to Manda, who's snakey, has horns, and is close to a color that dorats actually come in.

This isn't a conscious thing on their part—they don't, like, mentally tally up dorat-like traits. But if you went up to them and asked "hey, what traits do you consider hot?" and for some reason they decided to answer instead of incinerate you, the list of features they'd provide would end up pretty well describing a very handsome dorat. They don't REALIZE they're looking for dorat traits, but if you pointed it out to them they'd be like "Oh, huh. Well, yeah, basically. But a good looking dorat."

Plus some variations based on their original Dorat Sexualities; like, Ichi and Ni are both more attracted to smaller wings and longer/spiny tails, while San is the opposite. (Not that this is necessary. San looked at Gigan's itty mainly-for-decoration wings and went "yeah these are fine" and Ichi looked at Rodan's little nubby tail and went "sure, still cute.")

Other traits they've got a shared interest in: positivity, optimism, upbeat attitudes, all that, because they've got none themselves; self-confidence, courage, bravery; people who understand the war machine life—they don't feel wholly relaxed around people who don't have a kill count that can be measured in planets, they feel like they've got to keep up an artificially harmless façade not to be cast out by people who Don't Get It; someone they can see more as a "beast" than as a "person" because they feel like "people" are out of their league but "beasts" are their equals (which is an artificial divide that they absorbed from Xiliens, based on arbitrary measures of personhood like "does their culture wear clothes" or "did they invent their own technology or inherit someone else's").

Okay, so, on to their individual preferences. In order!!

Starting with Ichi! A.K.A. The Only One That Actually Has A Crush On Rodan. Most of the reasons he likes Rodan are because he hits a lot of the traits that all of them find attractive: great warrior;  he's pretty upbeat; he's brave; he gives them "oh this is definitely A Fellow Animal and not a Person" vibes; they think that he's totally down with destroying the world (because they don't realize that he didn't understand that that was what they were up to); and he makes them go "oh, he's like, 60% dorat? 65%?"—because of his appearance, because he (like them) survived the oxygen destroyer unscathed, and because he could break out of their siren song mind control. So those are all reasons for Ghidorah to like Rodan.

But it doesn't explain why Ichi likes him so much more than the other two.

And deep down... deep, deep down... I think Ichi just wants to get dicked down and Rodan looks like he can do the job.

But seriously though—Ghidorah, as a whole, has been suppressing a broad swath of their emotions for an extremely long time, ESPECIALLY their capacity to form emotional connections with anyone else. Ni and San have both cracked on that front—Ni's got an ongoing crush that he deals with by burying it alive, and San's got a star-crossed love half a galaxy away that he left behind kicking and screaming—but Ichi's never cracked. He's never let himself fall for anyone. Ni and San see "keep Ghidorah isolated, independent, self-contained" as an obligation; Ichi sees it as a duty—his duty to his other two parts.

None of the three is officially the leader/in charge, but Ichi ended up the de facto leader because back when they were even worse of a psychological wreck than they are now he was the one who just barely held it together enough to corral them and keep them going. He's the team Mom Friend, assuming that the mom in question is also a hardened drill sergeant without an ounce of natural maternal instinct, and the friends the drill sergeant mom friend is mothering are two traumatized soldiers trying to escape a postapocalyptic hellscape so they can forage for food. He's done a better job of not getting attached than the other two because he's felt most strongly that that's absolutely not an option.

But then they're on Earth, one of the worlds they've struggled the hardest to try to conquer, one of the most frustrating experiences of their post-Xilien-escape life; and they've just woken up from several millennia in ice, pissed the fuck off but also disoriented as hell and keenly aware of the fact that they lost a HELL of a fight in order to have been frozen; and mentally, they're somewhat rattled apart, they're still rebooting their usual emotional shields and defenses, they're still trying to get the mental pieces put back together, and Godzilla attacks them like a minute after they wake up and their brains are definitely not put back together—

There are holes in Ichi's mental defenses that have never been there before. He's vulnerable in a way he hasn't been before. It's not that something about Rodan is more attractive to him than it is to the other two—it's that the other two keep a good solid inch of iron around their capacity for affection, but Ichi keeps a nice fat five-foot-thick steel wall around his; and right now that wall is missing. He is completely exposed to the possibility of someone swooping in and seizing his heart—and Rodan went right for his chest with talons extended. And because just that one time, that one day, he's already shaken up, he's already vulnerable, Rodan gets through when the next day he might not.

And so even though the other two can also look at Rodan and agree, yes, the things Ichi is attracted to him for are indeed attractive, Ichi falls hard and fast when the other two don't.

Or, the tl;dr version:

Ichi has been suppressing his sexuality for several times longer than the human race has existed. For a moment—just a moment—all that suppression is gone; and so he's at risk of latching on to anyone that struck him as attractive. On this day, at this moment, he wants to get dicked down, and by god, Rodan looks like he can do the job.

And with all that written... because everything we've seen that Ichi is attracted to so far fits in with what Ghidorah-as-a-whole is into, I'm not sure that I've got anything specific to list that sets his tastes apart from the collective's. I might come up with some later, but since thus far they haven't been relevant in what I've been writing, I haven't come up with any in particular. Maybe it's just the case that all the things he's attracted to also happen to be things that The Whole is attracted to. Y'all wanna suggest specifics, I'll see if I like any that I can work in?

Ni's romantic tastes are best covered here, with the explanation of why he's into San:

https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/187039340467/anonymous-said-why-did-redacted-fall-for

And honestly... that's it. That's his taste. San is his taste. His taste is San. He had a babycrush on San since back when they were three individual dorats that barely knew each other, long before they were picked up for Highly Unethical Animal Experimentation, mutated, combined, and turned into Ghidorah; and realizing that one of the two people he was stitched together to and sharing brainspace with was the dude he had a crush on was one of the primary things that galvanized him to, like, survive. And since then having a secret limerent obsession with one of the two dudes he's fused to has determined almost everything about his romantic preferences, sexuality, and entire mental/emotional landscape.

What he liked San for originally can basically be boiled down to:

1) He was less "hivemindy" than other dorats, particularly dorats of his sex—San's sex is the one that's got less control over their empathic abilities, and so it's easy for a bunch of them to get together and catch the same emotion from each other like a fast-moving contagion. San had a tendency to go less "tunnel vision" on whatever The Group was thinking about and notice things going on outside their current activity—often with such great interest and attention that it broke The Group out of the zone as well, to their consternation—but Ni, who was uncomfortable in hiveminds, appreciated that about him.

2) Ni's of the dorat sex that's got stronger empathic abilities, but also a better ability to dim the degree to which they're active—and Ni liked to not just dim his ambient empathic field but also turn it off completely, because he didn't like others reading his feelings at all times. This is uncommon enough in dorats that it actually drove their owner to take him to the vet to make sure his head was okay. (And it was okay; he was just Extremely, Extremely Introverted by dorat standards.) Most dorats thought that this made Ni super weird/uncomfortable/off-putting. San thought it made him interesting, a unique novelty worth investigating. Ni appreciated that San didn't radiate Wild Discomfort in his presence.

3) San was, like, pretty hot. For a dorat. To other dorats. Adolescent dorats. Basically he was the cutest preteen snake in the room because he looked like a 14-year-old snake instead of a 12-year-old snake.

But that... was an extremely long time ago. And basically none of it applies anymore. What's being hivemindy or not matter when there's only three of you and you're always in and out of each other's heads? What's it matter that once upon a time long long ago San thought Ni was okay for shutting off access to his emotions when now there are only two people who CAN feel Ni's emotions/thoughts and both of them are equally chill & used to him keeping his mind closed/filtered to them? What's it matter that San was a cute baby snake when they're now three terrifyingly ancient monster snakes that were mutated to look almost identical?

So, by this point? What he's attracted to is, legitimately, "whatever San is like." His preferences shift so that they're always San-centric. San is the emotional rock Ni is clinging to.

... It's honestly kind of terribly unhealthy.

So if you asked him what he's attracted to, he'd say, like, "Oh, you know... someone who's observant, attentive... someone who's curious about his environment, likes learning... someone who appreciates the little things... uhh...... someone who's closer to the left shoulder than the right shoulder........." and then he'd peter out of traits to list because at this point Ichi, Ni, and San's identities are like 75% overlapped and there's not much room left in them for their individual differences.

But he wouldn't be interested in any of those listed traits if they were in somebody other than San.

(Ni is capable of being "interested" in other people—but it's 50% "I'm interested in you as a friend" and 50% "We, Ghidorah, currently in a mood to feel like an individual instead of like three people, are together interested in you romantically." Ghidorah slides back and forth between being "three-in-one" and being "one-from-three."

San's tastes are covered pretty thoroughly in the post about why he (and the rest of Ghidorah) is into Gigan:

https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/186622638902/more-on-the-relationship-between-gigan-and

Beyond all the reasons San likes Gigan that Ichi & Ni share—his skill in & passion for violence, his familiarity with what it's like to be an unwilling war weapon—he also likes his sense of humor, his ability to appreciate and revel in little details the way San does... and, probably more importantly than anything else, Gigan represented a way out.

All this time, Ghidorah has kept together and remained... if not "stable" in the sense of "emotionally healthy," then "stable" in the sense of "maintaining a mental balance well enough not to fall over"—but they're stable like a tightrope walker who's gotten really good at maintaining that balance on their tightrope, not like somebody who's standing on solid ground. And they maintain that balance through isolating themselves, never letting themselves get attached to any place or any thing or any one, never letting themselves linger in one spot for long, always moving on, on, on, on, back into space. They're that meme "If I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair."

Which is all well and good, except "avoiding connecting with anything" does not adequately keep San's mind occupied, and the only reason he hasn't fallen into a bottomless pit of despair is because he's got two other people in his head just barely tugging him back from toppling in. But he's desperate for... a sense of continuity, a sense that he can invest something in life that won't vanish in three days, a sense that anything matters. He wants desperately to connect to something else—or someone else.

Gigan offers that connection—Gigan is someone safe they can connect to, because he has the same lifestyle as them. He's someone that San can let in... without them having to change their life at all.

So, that's what he's attracted to that sets him apart from the other two: he's attracted to escape routes. He falls for someone who can anchor them so they don't keep tumbling off into space, from world to world and apocalypse to apocalypse. He wants someone who can be an excuse for them to stop and hold still. Someone who's compatible with them, someone who's just like them, someone who burns worlds the same way they do, but is capable of wrapping their arms (wings? tails? whatever) around Ghidorah and holding them in one place—whether that's "one place" physically or emotionally.

He's just tired of floating through outer space in asteroids.

[calliecat93]

Red vs Blue Season 17 Review, Part One

On March 9th, 2019, Red vs Blue: Singularity premiered at last. After the monster cliffhanger of S16, to say that many of us had been anxious would be an understatement. Well, it’s several months later and the season has concluded it’s 12 episode run. So, was it good? Was it bad? Well… that’s a hard question to answer. But however we feel, we’re going to be going over it today in my Season 17 Review~!

This baby got a Hell of a lot longer than intended, so hopefully, it’s coherent. I tried to be firm, but honest. No matter what I think though, there is no arguing that these people put in a lot of work to make this season a reality. I never want that fact to be ignored. So thank you Jason, Miles, Josh, Austin, Greg, Joe, RT Animation, and everyone else for all the hard work. Couldn’t have been easy, but we appreciate it all the same~!

So with that said, for the final time, let us talk about Red vs Blue Season 17.

Visuals/Machinima

This season was unique in that not only was Halo 5 still being us, but they had to go back and use all the past renditions as well. It looked like they were going to use Halo 2 Anniversary for the paradox stuff, a familiar yet different design, but I guess someone decided it was better to just reuse the older games. Which I think was probably the right choice. Halo 2 Anniversary I think would have helped add this feeling of everything being off, but at the same time seeing the previous versions helps connect to the moments more. It adds more emotional investment since we’re seeing something that we recognize being fucked with. It meant more work for the Machinima team, and I hope that they’re all still alive and had a nice vacation after it was all over cause yikes. Their efforts are greatly appreciated~

The machinima was overall very good. Josh Ornelas has been with the show for six years as a machinimator and directed at least a few episodes of S14. So he was more than fit to be a co-director for this season. Austin Clark is newer and IDK when he started (my guess is around 14 or 15), but I think he’s shown that he’s perfectly capable both as a machinimator and as a director. I never noticed any issues with the machinima that threw me off… but as usual, it’s hard to critique what are essentially video game movements/defaults. Very least whenever the characters were emotional or something, I got the feeling from how the scene was framed. Even though you can’t see the faces, the machinimators know how to frame it to make you feel the intended emotion. Episode 9 with Carolina and Wash’s talk I think demonstrated that. Yeah, the VA-ing helped, but you can see the emotion, even though there’s no emotion to display. And while Austin handled the even-numbered episodes and Josh the odd ones, everything felt like they were on the same page, which is essential when co-directing. They both did an excellent job directing.

Animation was sadly sparse compared to the last season. Wasn’t bad though. There were some good bits, like the opening credits and Wash directing his gun at Genkins in Episode 3. Oh. and Genkins getting stabbed with his own golf club was pretty gruesome, especially with his writhing around, but seeing the original Halo animated was nice. We only got one fight scene, but it was Carolina vs Carolina and it was badass. Not as creative as the Donut vs O’Malley fight, but still really good and impactful. Loved it!. The sets and effects were all very good. Just look at the opening. The effects used for The Everwhen looked really cool and other-worldly. The Labyrinth looked pretty creepy, as it should be considering its true nature. And of course, all the previous Halo’s still looked good… maybe a little dated with Halo: CE but still as good as it did in the remaster.

Overall, visually speaking, the season was really good. The machinima looked great and was directed competently. I felt engaged, and that’s what’s important. Definitely one of the season high points.

Voice Acting/Music

We’re mainly going to be discussing Dan Godwin, Shannon McCormick, Jen Brown, Ricco Fajardo, and Lee Eddy. Everyone else in the main cast was pretty much at the expected level of quality. There’s sadly not much to talk about specifically, which we’ll go more into during the character section. But Joel, Matt, Gus, Geoff, Becca, and Jason Saldana all did well and gave the quality that I expect from them, just nothing that stands out really. I’ll say this, Geoff and Becca’s performance in the finale was very strong and emotional and I loved it. Matt he both got to do Wyoming again and had to do Doc and O’Malley at the same time, which he nailed perfectly. And hearing Burnie as Church again was really nice… but never let him do English Lopez again. Ever.

Let's talk about villains first. Ricco Fajardo as Genkins is freakin’ fantastic. While we got glimpses of it last season, Genkins fun but truly shitty self is on full display this season. And Ricco is clearly having the time of his life recording it. He’s just always so cheerful and having fun, but it feels so messed up and sadistic due to the circumstances. But he owns it. Sometimes having a villain who is just shitty can be fun, especially if you have a competent actor doing it. And Ricco absolutely nailed it. We also have Lee Eddy, who voiced 479er, make her return to RvB as Chrovos. She too is clearly having a fun time. She goes full-on Large Ham with Chrovos’ theatrics and basting but also portrays her getting fed up very well. It’s the Gwen in her showing, haha. But yeah, these are two fun villain characters, and the performances very much reflected that. Loved it~

Next, we have our Freelancers, Shannon and Jen. They both got the emotions hard this season. Which considering how their plot ended last season, is no surprise. It’s no shock that these two did very well, but… man… Jen had to express a lot of guilt, but also a lot of tears and pain. Which she did very well. Carolina feels terrible and has to accept that her efforts were in vain, and Jen conveyed that very well. The second that Carolina breaks down in Episode 9… God, I just wanted to hug her. Then there’s Episode 11 where Carolina is confronting her past self, and it truly does feel like two different characters, even though it’s the same actress. It was a very strong performance this season, arguably her best one yet.

Then we have Shannon. Oh golly, Shannon. How long has he been doing Wash now? Over a decade, right? He knows this character in and out… and he perfectly shows that this season. Wash has a lot to get through this season. His anger at Carolina, him having to accept what happened, accept what has to happen, it’s a lot. Shannon nails it. From going back and forth between normal and crazy in Episode 3 to any time his anger at Carolina showed, to his talk with Carolina in Episode 5, his acceptance of his fate and prepping for it in Episode 9, and his horror to seeing everyone die in 11. And he still got lighter moments, like his interactions with Donut, which were super enjoyable. Shannon just knocked it out of the park this season, and I loved it.

But of course, the one I have to give the biggest kudos to is Dan Godwin. While he has performed Donut since the very beginning… well, he only got to do so much since Donut only got to do so much. He never did a bad job, or he was on par with everyone else, but he simply wasn’t really allowed to go beyond ‘optimistic, innuendo-spouting moron’. That is, until now. Dan got to do so much this season. He got a full range to do with Donut that he really never got, or only got so briefly. He got to be emotional, he got to be angry, he got to be frustrated, he got to be utterly done with absolutely everything. And he conveyed all of that very well. Heck, I think the pitch even lowered a little bit compared to before, or it felt less squeaky as the season went on. It feels more like an in-between of Blood Gulch Donut and pre-Paradox Donut, which I think works. Overall, Dan got to show how much experience with the character he really has after so many years of not getting to, and he was by far the best performer due to it.

Everyone in the cast did great. Even for brief returns like Miles and Gray with the Mercs, Arryn Zech with Dr. Grey, and the Freelancers all did a great job. Jason Weight as Grif’s coach was also simultaneously hilarious and scary. He clearly put his all into it, anyways. As for the music… what? Ae we surprised that it was good? David Levy and Trocadero again delivered a solid soundtrack. The fact that we have to wait for both this soundtrack and still for the S16 soundtrack continues to upset me. But at least it means a lot of quality tracks whenever they do come out. Solid job overall from the music team.

Characters

So one of the problems with these reviews is I have to remember to look at things two ways: as a fan and as a critic. We had a lot of really good character stuff with some characters… and not so much with others. And looking at it as a fan and then as a critic causes two widely different perspectives regarding this section. Normally I’d rather get the negative out of the way, but to explain the negative I have to talk about the positives first. Hopefully, I don’t come off as too harsh, but I want to be honest in this review as well. So.. here we go.

Okay, happy first. The two main focuses of this season are Donut and Wash. Let's do Wash, and in turn Carolina, first. Wash… well, got put to the side last season for the most part. His plot was mainly focused on his brain damage that he didn’t know about and ended with his blow up at Carolina. Which we all know what that leads to. Here, Wash has to deal with the fallout of it. He gets to stabilize and be back to pre-brain damage and is determined to save the others… but his anger at Carolina is lingering. His arc this season is about him forgiving Carolina, helping Donut, and accepting his own fate. I think, overall, Wash had a very good arc. And this is coming from someone who is not that big of a Wash fan.

Wash’s anger at Carolina is understandable, but he realizes that she did it out of concern for him and never meant to hurt him, and especially after talking to her in Episode 5 and how even when paradox’d she still trusts him, he forgives her. Carolina, in turn, has to deal with the immense guilt of her actions… again. Yeah, the fact that we got another ‘Carolina is guilty’ story after Freelancer, S13, and S15, it’s feeling a little repetitive. But her emotions regarding it were very well written. You do really feel the remorse and understand why she did what she did. It makes it even worse when in Episode 9, Wash accepts what has to happen and Carolina has to accept it. It was one of the toughest scenes in the season but was such a beautiful, poignant moment for both. They still have problems, like Wash fears of losing everyone and Carolina has past issues lingering still over Freelancer and her family. But it’s safe to say that they’ve both become closer and stronger.

The biggest character of this season is, of course, Donut. This was a long time coming. Up until the end of the last season, Donut was probably the most underutilized character in the show aside from maybe Lopez and Doc. He went from a dumb but semi-competent rookie to a flamboyant, one-note joke character. Like after Blood Gulch I can't think of anything significant that he contributed. Recollection more or less wrote him out/killed him off, Chorus did nothing with him, and S15 also did nothing with him and even forgot him in certain scenes. S16 began to fix that, having Donut get annoyed at being ignored, nearly betray everyone, and then get into one of the shows best fight scenes by far. So we were building up for something for this season, and sure enough, it came and it came hard… was that at innuendo? Dang it Donut, you’ve influenced me too much!

This was developed for Donut that was loooong overdue. He further got frustrated with being ignored and belittled by everyone around him. He recognized his innuendo problem and tried to actively improve it. He showed some of that competence he had in Blood Gulch, piecing things together and actively taking charge since he understood things the most. When he told everyone off in Episode 7, it felt so satisfying because of how long he’s been treated like a nuisance when he was at worst a little annoying and TMI. He was willing, tried his best, and it really felt like he was finally allowed to be more than just a joke. It really made me like and appreciate Donut a LOT more than I did before. Like he used to not just be my least favorite Red, but my least favorite of the BGC. Now? He’s right below Grif and Simmons on the Overall Favorites List. Yeah, that’s a LOT of places.

Donut was great and I wouldn't change him getting him this development… but this development did come at a cost. That being development for everyone else. The other Reds and the Blues were shafted and shafted pretty badly. The first half of the season, they are trapped with no memory and go about how they would in that time period. Which okay, it’s necessary for the plot so we can overlook that one. They get restored in Episode 6… and they are STILL badly shafted. They are all joke characters, which does NOT work when we’re this deep in the plot. I mean we get some moments, like Tucker reliving his failure on Crash Site  Bravo and recognizing his fault over the past few seasons, Sarge has his scenario in Episode 11 that I thought was very insightful, but those are small moments. Sadly, Donut got too much attention. Even with Wash, him realizing how he was the Donut of Freelancer was more or less contributing to making Donut look good, as did Tucker’s moment. I like those scenes and I love Donut… but not everything had to be about him. He’s the main character, not the only one.

Let's do the Blues first. As I said, there were more or less just there and had no real major character development or effect on the plot. But that being said, they were given some legit good stuff. Tucker got it the best as he re-lived Crash Site Bravo and finally realized true leadership was. It was about stepping up when no one else would and when things were at their bleakest, not being the cool, macho guy like he kept acting like it was. Which after these past two seasons, was nice to see. I was one of the people who were perfectly fine with how Tucker was written the past two seasons because I could see why he had regressed. But I do know that a lot of people didn’t like it, and this feels like a good way to bring it all around. Have Tucker relive his worst moment, this time having to let it go through, and therefore truly remember what caused him to step up on Chorus: because he had to. It’s short, but it does its job and this along with his Labyrinth vision I think has really helped Tucker’s character immensely.

Caboose is overall pretty minor but had some good scenes like beating the shit out of Genkins in Episode 6 and figuring out how time travel worked before the others. It helps show that he’s an idiot, but he’s a smart idiot (if that makes any sense) and was a step up from his limited screentime last season. He also had my favorite line in the entire season (“These graphics look horrible!”). Sister was overall minor, but I’ll go into her later. You’ll see why when I get there. Doc was overall also minor and how the Hell he was in the Everwhen I’ll never know, but I do like him in the finale and finally getting a grip on O’Malley. He more or less is a combo of the two now and seems much more capable due to it, so that’s good. So yeah, while it may not have been a lot, the Blues and Doc were at least given something, which is better than nothing at all.

The Reds though… so you know how these past two seasons started giving them more development? You would think that since Donut is the main character, that would continue, right? Haha… nope! They went right back to ‘the comedy relief team who do absolutely nothing!’! Which after the past two seasons started to do more with them… yeah, this felt like a slap in the face. Sarge annoyed me this season. Mainly in Episode 7 where he was a hypocritical asshole about Donut’s betrayal, ignoring how he not that long ago betrayed everyone and was still feeling guilty about it. He was also the one primarily being a jerk to Donut, which did not do him any favors. I know it’s Sarge and he’s an asshole, so it’s not 100% unexpected… but I felt like it was pushed too much just to contribute to the ‘Donut is so unappreciated!’ arc. His speech in Episode 6 was hilarious though and I did like his Labyrinth vision showing that he can't handle both civilian or army life. It was surprisingly insightful in a way that I’m not used to with Sarge. So yeah, I feel his screentime was on par with Sister and Caboose at least.

Simmons… got nothing. Absolutely nothing. I mean the running gag where he kept seeing Donut shot was really funny, and it also meant he wasn't an asshole like Sarge. Heck, he seemed to be the only one willing to hear Donut out about saving them in Episode 7. And he did more or less point out how they could launch the gold club through the portal to stop Genkind from reigniting the paradox, which was minor but nice to see for him. Him not being a kissass anymore is also sticking, which seeing him back when he was pettier in Episode 2 did make me appreciate where he is now. The way that he was legit concerned for Donut during the ‘Wash shoots Donut’ gag also helps make it look like he at least cared about him in contrast to Sarge’s jackassery. But he was otherwise just there. Very least, it also means he was the only Red that I didn’t get frustrated about since his character remained consistent… until the finale with the utter bullshit that was his nightmare. Seriously guys, what the fuck?!

But at least with Sarge and Simmons, they weren’t exactly in the spotlight last season, so I don’t feel like I got cheated with them. I cannot say the same about Grif, however. Which we will cover that, as well as the Story section, in Part Two.

(Part Two)

[wakabond-blog]

PyeongChang Men’s SP Reaction

FOREWARNING: someone remind me to never do this again I literally sweat through my shorts going through this emotional earthquake

I had reservations about doing this reaction post but I’m watching the NBC mini-promos for everyone (cue lil’ kid saying that Javi is his ONLY hero <3) competing tonight and all the feels flooding in.

Also gonna put my dream podium out there in advance so I can lay claim to my fantasies before they possibly flop: Yuzu, Nathan, Javi (in that order for Gold, Silver, and Bronze), but ofc the best scenario is that everyone skates well and leaves the ice happy and the gremlin judges can do whatever. I haven’t watched a lot of the earlier-group men this season, but looking at their music choices I’m pretty excited for Julian Zhi Jie Yee’s Build a Home program (P/C’s 2016 FS from Euros that year still sticks with me) and hopefully Yaroslav hits his 4F. Just writing out everyone’s name is getting me hella nervous

THIRTY ONE GUYS UP 4 HOURS FML LET’S GIT TO IT, first group up on warmup ice: ayyy Vincent hitting a nice 4Lz-3T

AHHH NBC dropping me randomly into Felipe Montoya’s program right into a botched 3F-2T; c’mon man AISH U TOOK AWAY JAVIER RAYA’S SPOT FOR THIS uwu I kinda dig the all white costume tho but must be a binch to find from the audience viewpoint

Chafik Besseghier actually into taximan more than during the Team SP like yeah sure NBC say it’s part of “French creativity” but that taxi look is wonky...points for commitment though, right? 77.01 with all those lil’ green boxes gouda job Chafik; also a note on that French quirky creativity comment anyone else remember Brian Joubert trying to “disprove” people calling him gay by doing a nude photoshoot

MY BOI Vincent Zhou HITS DAT 4Lz-3T first at the Olympics with that 4Lz-3T combo!!! gah other two jumps off-axis but damn he has the hardest technical content but man you gotta deliver all of it including rotations and GOE; also *pushes glasses up* Vincent ~almost~ got a perfect ACT score wat u doing get that 36 (LOL AT THE COMMENTATORS SAYING HIS SIS GOT A PERFECT SCORE); BANG 84.53 with some stubby GOEs I can live with that new season’s best YAAAS u chase those cars

Okay so the announcement for Denis Ten is in English over the loudspeakers but there’s like a little interruption when they just repeat the word “Kazakhstan” but in Korean phonetics; REIGNING BRONZE MEDALIST LET’S GO nope there goes the 4S-->2S, NICE triple axel though!, also loving the royal blue shirt, triple lutz triple NO (sorry had to say that), but the music is great kinda operatic but not like a loud Bocelli; considering his injuries and other hurdles this is alright, his entire season had a rough start ALSO the flower girls have dresses that match the rink so QUTE also Frank Carroll is still not retired mkay

Matteo Rizzo NICE 3A also considering that this is choreo’d by his mom this is great, strong Italian vibes, really good lines, straight camel with the leg position above the hip, good rotation; love the arms out of the 3Lz this would be a program I would want to do OKAY NBC WE GET THAT U NEED A QUAD TO GET ON THE PODIUM but friggin Matteo’s job is to make his mom choreo proud also considering how this is by far the biggest stage he’s been on after dethroning Ivan Righini, dis is gr8

Michael Christian Martinez honestly still love his taking YOI in stride basically Phichit IRL, not a great performance by any means, really low score in the 50s sheesh but hey that signature Biellmann though! this first group was alright still looking ahead

Yaroslav Paniot that was rough :/// also he took out the 4F and fell on all 3 passes (I mean he landed on his knee on the axel but like...what do you even call that?) damn Tammy Gambill coaches him too, into last place :(( it’s okay Yaroslav

Yan Han going for that hard nose blow and tissue grab looks intense LOVE THAT HARD SLAP ON THE BARRIER you got this my man, AHHH yas more Twilight, NICE TRIPLE AXEL BEST SO FAR man was that rotation fast, crap that 4T still looking for a clean toe in this comp; also these SPs are passing really quickly, Vincent still in the lead after Han’s 80.63

Julian Zhi Jie Yee OMGOMGOMG okay excited for this, awww love the shot back to the opening ceremony; love his shirt with the slight slit V not intrusive but modern and sleek LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE it; AHHH THE BEATS OF BUILD A HOME ready for this show off for Malaysia, NICE TRIPLE AXEL he had so much space coming down, maintaining composure, come on GREAT LUTZ halfway mark here come the lyrics and ahhh slipping on the 3F-3T, I think that content should be enough for him to make the FS, lines could be a bit better but his spin levels seem there good for him! Man he really floated on the 3A I’m hoping this’ll go into the low 70s yep 73.58 good score for him

And cue more ice-less places Brendan Kerry kinda attractive in that down-under way, used to be really smol but then hit that caucasian puberty WHOOO first clean 4T of the comp, like the shimmery dark blue shirt, nice 3Lz-3T who needs a quad sal if there’s anything the pairs comp taught us it’s that going clean leaves a greater impression than hard tricks, saved that 3A, this cut of Everybody Wants to Rule the World is so #inspirational someone get me my book of self-affirmations also getting all these coach-skater revelations Nikolai Morozov coaches Kerry?? dang, whoa slots right in behind Vincent with an 83 and change

Moris Kvitelashvili okay who tf put his name as Morisi on the official docs they actually announced his names as that ETERI U ONLY HAVE ONE BOY, bring on the Buble, smooth 3A that flow, def on feelin good on that 4S, after Boyangman’s Spiderman program I’ve grown to have a deeper appreciation for Michael Buble, he’s really tall but one of those lanky awkward guys but eh I give him props for having the gumption to compete for Georgia and getting to compete on Olympic ice

Keegan Messing LOL his intro “actually born in Alaska, proficient Yo-Yo master” aww singin in the rain WOW nice 4T-3T I’m laughin at clouds too Keegan, oof that 3A fall though, very fast spinner no travelling either...okay but seriously can we get RIka Kihira here to give these guys a 3A clinic or something, for a second this really feels like a Javi program, nice 3Lz to finish out the jumps my god I thought his coach was either Eteri/Shawn White c.2010 hair wow 85 taking away the lead from Vincent; 12 men done, 18 left!

This next warmup group Danny wit dat fresh haircut, NBC hyping up the final group omg chill ur horses, Michal with those sleeve ribbons!

Michal Brezina those bedazzled dragons, WOW QUAD sal (okay I thought it was a flip at first), good 3A nothing under review, not to compare but to compare this is like Seimei beta ver., beautiful delayed 3F, also I feel like I hear people clapping along to the drums but I don’t see anyone...it’s prolly the NK cheer squad, this skate should just sneak into 1st, damn his profile sideshot looks like a dinosaur, AWWW RAF lol still surprised by these coaching situations OH BOI lol just into 1st by 0.04 over Keegan

Cha Junhwan c’mon get that gypsy dance on bring the soul of Wakaba to the games (I expect shoulder shimmies), TAKE A DEEEEP breath Brian, wow dicey moment with the 3F-3T but landed flawlessly, even better 3A crowd goes WILDDDD, quick interjection these scores that are starting to pile into the mid-80s are seriously reminding me of the bronze-medal battle in Sochi I mean yeah now there’s a pretty solid list of 5/6 guys for the podium but still..chills..., might have urs but really bringing the energy otherwisein the stsq arms flairs right on the beat of the music (I’ll count those as shimmies) wow first standing O very well deserved all the korean flags!!

Other sidenote you know who’s gonna get more cool team jackets than Marina Zueva? Brian friggin Orser: Canada, Korea, Japan, Spain, Kazakhstan! all those colors!! gotta catch ‘em all and with a score of 83+ Junhwan goes into that pack of mid-80s

Paul Fentz jacksepticeye doppleganger back on the ice, honestly great 3T-3T screw the squad his air position is really good, wow wild like on the 3A but again great air position (honestly this plus straight legs on camel spins are like the must-haves), also loving this jazzy music it works for him, Wonderwall was WUNDERFUL

Interjection of hockey testosterone jeez being a referee in that would be terrifying you’re wearing no padding sheesh

Misha Ge okay srsly what is the point of saying “Uzbekistan” in English and then again in Korean phonetics? not into the brown ombre, good 3A, getting gypsy pirate vibes gawd that spin extension though ta die fo

Cutaway to Yuzu absolutely DESTROYIN that EZ applesauce pouch (okay it’s not applesauce but man is he twistin every last drop out)

And since I’m already doing this huge ass shitpost I might as well comment on some of the commercials, the 23andme thing where Warren Buffett narrates “ill let u choose any car but u only get one you’d take care of it so well right WELL THAT’s UR BODY”...kinda hypocritical coming from a dude who only eats McDs, See’s Candies, Coke and steak...

Jorik Hendrickx awww I actually had no idea his sis Loena made it too, gosh Je Suis Malade reminds me of Adelina’s failed comeback...anyway good 3A to start; I remember how emotional his qualifying through Nebelhorn was enjoy this bb, wow he’s gonna join the mid-80s pack too judges panicking how tf do we separate them AWW Loena clapping so cute and Jorik smiling!! love this

Also screaming about how I can see the final group on my shitpost list getting closer to my cursor *bites nails*

Literally the biggest actual fuqboi of this comp Daniel Samohin is up with a new ‘do that fresh fade also doesn’t he have that company/group thing black wolf white wolf WELL DAMN BLACK WOLF JUST HIT HIS 4T-3T god remember when he destroyed his shoulder at Skate America, whoa first two clean quads of the comp so far who knew flopchild would it get together at the Olympics also classic Daniel guitar solo ay fuq down on the 3A gdi this is why we can’t have nice things LOL also the first skater to finish in the wrong direction, cute lil’ smile at the end though! Also gonna hit the low-80s aww happy tears!!! omg is that Nikolai Morozov yup 80 points and change jeez top 6 all separated by less than 2 points lol

Group 4 on the ice jeez those short sleeves SLAY BOI LOL THESE ADAM PROMOS literally all of the vernacular “fierce, I’m a full prone monster” *smizes* okay I’m going for a walk and hope to be back by Deniss see ya’ll in a quick sec and good luck to the first five in this group...but srsly I gotta get up or else risk carpal tunnel at this point </3

Adam Rippon, Dmitri Aliev

Okay jk I made it back for Patrick Chan midway through his performacne looks like his first couple jump elements were good supposedly missed his 3A he looks really tense damn PChiddy it’s alright (sidenote his chest looks bigger than I remember), also ofc Dimi is in the lead now with a tech score over 50

Keiji Tanaka, Alexei Bychenko both happened but I took a shower to be clean for some clean skates

Also isn’t it crazy how Deniss is literally skating right before Yuzu man those world standings were a bit of a surprise at first Deniss Vasiljevs (jk my shower also overran his performance so I’m looking at the protocols rn but hey, good thing is my energy’s now conserved for GROUP 6!)

YESS NBC showing (at least part of) the warmup; Javi hits a BOSS 4S so smooth; Nathan’s smiling, Yuzu looks healthy! my god seeing all the faves on ice together warming up at the OLYMPIC stage is just *clutches chest* a lil’ too much for a casual Thursday evening; okay one more set of commercials and we are off to the RACES!!!

Yuzuru Hanyu TAKES THE ICE the first bars of Ballade a personal fave piece, breatheee, head roll, sway,ohmigod you could hear the sound of a pin dropping, come one quad sal to open...YES OH MY GOD NICE 13 POINTS!!! for that one element, great donut spin, 1 2 3 1 2 3 getting all of his levels ofc great character in spins timed to music, love the sound of his blades BLIND MOHAWK INTO 3A TRADEMARK HIT IT’S HAPPENING ONLY THE COMBO LEFT IS HE GONNA DO THE RIPPON ON THE END YES NICE HE HIT IT OH MY FUQQIN GOD THE POOHS THE OBAACHANS IN THE AUDIENCE THIS IS SERIOUSLY MAGICAL BEAT THAT WOWOWOW THE POOH BEARS RAIN DOWN AGAIN I have never seen so many thrown down at once at him DAMN; this is a true champion, my god yes yes YES!!!! my god I don’t know how get got that 3T WITH RIPPON out at the end lol Ghislain Briand and B Orser jumping; WORLD RECORD GIVE IT TO HIM NEVER DOUBT YU.ZU.RU. HAN.YU; BAM 111 triple ONES BEAT THAT YESS AND HE’S SMILING

OKay okay I gotta calm down for Nathan Chen the Poohs are cleared, yes this is a POTO costume but he looks good; GOD DAMN IT CAMERAMAN YOU MISSED THE FUQQIN DIP YOU HAD ONE JOB ARGHHHH, blade sounds are louder than YUZUS BUT HERE COMES THE 4LZ...OH SHIT MY GOD AND THE QUAD TOE JESUS FUCKING HELL IT WASN’T A COMBO either wow...I’m speechless..come one Nate finish it out finish it out OH FUCKING...33 TECHSCoRE?!?!?!?!?!? He’s still breathing though, looks alright, okay he’s still honestly so young and I understand he exudes this chill outlook which is great but all the pressure had to have gotten him (or he just got unlucky with this bad day :///) nerves?? I know there’s still the free skate left but I want him to walk away from all this feeling okay, not hating skating or anything and making a comeback (hopefully??) in Beijing and maybe having a Chloe Kim kind of moment OH FUQ 13th place 82+...my god

Mikhail Kolyada actually shaking his head after seeing Nathan’s scores we’re all shocked buddy; but skate well hit that sky-high lutz loving your mozart, come on come one; okay triple honestly I just don’t want to see any more thuds on the ice that’s good oh fuck...4T a goner out of the four disciplines this is the one that has the least assured gold medalist and maybe that’s contributing to the nerves? It’s okay Mikhail, your 3A was pretty, and YAY GOT A SMILEY SPASIBO y’know at the Olympics all I can hope for as a spectator is that everyone skates happy and goes as big and clean as possible and leaves happy or at least not too hard on themselves and I know that’s easy to say but so much of sports/life in general is psychological and it just pains me to think of how these guys might react to this under-delivered performances

Shoma Uno smolma please whisk us away with Winter, literally gonna bounce the fuq off of Shrooma if he lands everything please save this; NICE 4F, lines ofc can’t compete with Hanyu but you know...World Silver...he’s got the goods, get those clean edges, skating skills, stsq levels, okay 4T YES YES YES 3T great my god SHOMA SAVES THE TRIPLE AXEL PRAISE AWWWW THE SMILE!!!!! FUCKING MELTING FOR THIS DARK HORSE WHO BTW IS WORLD SILVER REIGNING, MY GOD THIS IS CLUTCH; AND HE HAS HIGHLIGHTS TAKE THAT BINCH, ugh I’m so conflicted right now with all of these flops and clean skates and my head is muddled guessing 106 okay okay lowballed the components gets a 104 also had to save a couple landings I get it but THOSE THUNDERTHIGHS SAVING THE DAY

Javier Fernandez oh please please please all I want is for you to bring home a medal GIVE US CHAPLIN GIVE US 4S AND 4T3T THIS IS YOUR CHANCE GO FOR IT, NICE ON THE COMBO, NICE 4S HOLY HELL ALSO SHOUTOUT TO MY MOM FOR RECOGNIZING THIS AS CHAPLIN U KNOW HE’S DOING HIS JOB and that AMAZING TRIPLE AXEL; so lovely oh my god this is beautiful, tbh I think my mom is actually falling in love with him “his costume looks so good on him O.O” she’s predicting he’ll win and my mom is like...never wrong so...okay tech score just exactly 60, I’m hoping 109 range oh my god GIVE HIM THE PCS IF NOT FOR HIM FOR MY MOM OH MY GOD

HYPING UP Jin Boyang for my mom okay come on GIVE US THAT CROUCHING TIGER MAGIC, LORI CHOREO DO UR FUQQIN $10K MAGIC, AMAZING 4LZ-3T, ONE OF THE BEST 4T, OG QUAD KING TARA MENTION THAT YES YES *DOES MERYL MEME POINTING FINGERS*, BEAT DRUM DROP, ERHU  YES THAT 3A OH MY GOD YES YES YES JIN GO GO GO YES THE KARATE HANDS IN THE SIT SPIN, WORD THE STSQ YOU’RE GETTING ALL OF THE LEVELS GO GO GO THIS IS YOUR LAST ELEMENT HIT THE POSES GET THE EDGES GET THE TURNS KICK TWIZZLES BUTTERFLY KICK YES FIST PUMP YES YES YES YES YESSSSSS MY GOD YES GIVE HIM A SCORE TO COMPETE WITH SHOMA 104+, okay okay I can work with 103.32

Okay wow so heading into the FS tomorrow:

-Nathan, get that redemption skate, go big, go clean, love it, love yourself

-Yuzuru: bring that Seimei power, work your natural magic, be yourself, keep the intensity, and just let it flow

-Javi: VAMOS VAMOS VAMOS BE QUIXOTE, get your own redemption from Sochi (also lol I don’t think it matters what happens in the end but you’ve already won in my mother’s heart)

-Shoma: SHOOM SHOOM INTO OUR HEARTS EVEN MORE, channel your 2017 Worlds Diva moment, do it do it DO IT

-Boyang: BRING THE STAR WARS HIT US WITH THAT ANGELIC SAUCE

[robininthelabyrinth]

Countless Roads - Chapter 3

Fic: Countless Roads - Chapter 3 - Ao3

Fandom: Flash, Legends Pairing: Gen, Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, others

Summary: Due to a family curse (which some call a gift), Leonard Snart has more life than he knows what to do with – and that gives him the ability to see, speak to, and even share with the various ghosts that are always surrounding him.

Sure, said curse also means he’s going to die sooner rather than later, just like his mother, but in the meantime Len has no intention of letting superheroes, time travelers, a surprisingly charming pyromaniac, and a lot of ghosts get in the way of him having a nice, successful career as a professional thief.

A/N: This is a new chapter (chapter 4 on Ao3) - the first chapter was a prologue, so I changed the numbering.

———————————————————————————-

"Len, shit – Len – Lenny - look at me, Len – "

Len blinks.

Everything's blurry.

"Len? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah," Len says, but even he can hear that it comes out slurred and wrong. "Lisey?"

"She's safe. God. What happened?"

Len can't seem to see Mick. "Mick? Where are you?"

"Can't you see me?"

"Uh-uh."

"Shit. Okay. Len, do you think you can get up?"

Len shakes his head, which turns out to be a mistake because now he's super nauseous. And his head hurts, a dull throb of pain that he's distantly aware of but feels somehow removed from.

"Okay. Okay. We can deal with this. We can – goddamnit! Len. Len. I'm – I'm not solid enough to grab the phone; I used up too much earlier."

"Oh," Len says. He's not sure why that's important. He can give Mick more later, can't he? "Okay?"

"No! No, it's not okay! You're going to bleed to death on the goddamn kitchen floor because I can't call for help!"

Bleed to - is Len bleeding?

Is that why everything is so blurry?

He tries to look at his hands, but there's a lurch of nausea and his eyes slip closed.

"Len!"

Why is he bleeding?

Len tries to remember. There was – his dad, yes, and –

The Santinis. Len's dad had invited them over, a whole group of them; they were financing one of his jobs, something complicated that Len can't remember now. He'd wanted to make a good impression, make it out like he was worth respecting, so he'd invited them home, gotten Len to serve them beer. It'd been Don Tomio Santini, the scary big boss of Central City, though he's been getting older and in declining health so that the other Families were starting to try to start testing his borders. Yes, Len remembers now, he’d been there, and his sons - future Dons, if Tomio had anything to say about it - had been there, too.

It’d been one of his sons that had put his hands on Len as he came through the room. Len had automatically recoiled, more instinct than thought, and then that one had smashed the beer bottle over Len's head.

The Don had laughed.

They'd all laughed.

Now that he thinks about it, that may be why everything hurts. He's gotten hurt before, so he knows something of what it's like, but this is different. This pain is everywhere, in his head, in his stomach, making him sick. His ears are ringing, everything is muted – shock, he guesses –

He can't see Mick.

Shit, if Mick's visible and he can't see him – has he lost the ability? Is that even possible? It shouldn't be possible, it's his family curse, but he still can't see Mick.

He hasn't heard him for the last few minutes, either. What if he's wrong? What if it goes away, if he loses it? What if he loses the ability entirely? Loses Mick entirely?

"Mick?" Len says, and he can hear how high and wavering his voice is. Like a child. His dad would call it pathetic. "Mick! Mick!"

"Lenny!" he hears, but it's not Mick. It's Lisa, and she sounds upset, and he should stop shouting and care for her like the good big brother he always tries to be but he can't. He can't. Not when Mick - when -

"Mick!" he tries to shout, but he's slurring, he's not loud enough – he can't draw enough breath for a proper shout, his lungs burning even on shallow pulls of air. But he has to shout. He can't lose Mick – he can't, he can't, he can't – Mick – If he loses Mick, he loses everything – no support, no help, no Mick – he'll be all alone again, just him and the ghosts – he can't do it, he can't go back to how it was - he can't lose him, he can't lose - "Mick!"

"Lenny, oh god - let me call the hospital - "

He doesn't want Lisey right now. He wants Mick.

"Mick!"

"Len?"

Len has never been so happy to hear his friend's gruff, low voice. "Mick," he whispers. "You're still here."

"Of course I'm still here," Mick says, even though Len can't see him. Maybe it's because his eyes keep closing? "I'd never leave you – god – if we make it through this, this is never going to happen again, I swear, even if I have to grab parts of your life myself – I swear –"

"I thought you were gone," Len says, and he knows he sounds like a child, needy and overwhelmed, but he can't seem to stop himself. "You were gone."

"I was getting Lisa," Mick says. His voice sounds distant, blurry, just like everything is blurry. Maybe it’s the shock. "She's calling for an ambulance."

"Dad doesn't like it when we go to the hospital..."

"Fuck your dad," Mick snarls. "If he'd been even a bit of the father he ought to be, you wouldn't be bleeding out on the goddamn kitchen floor – "

Mick sounds upset.

"Am I dying?"

"No!" Mick exclaims, but there's fear in his voice.

"It's okay if I am," Len tries to comfort him. Sure, it's early for it, far too early for it, but he knew he'd have to go eventually. "I got to meet you, so it's okay."

"It is not okay! It's not okay at all!"

"Mick," Len says, and he feels everything going black, and that's – that's not good – he has to – he never told Mick – Mick doesn’t know, and he deserves to know - deserves to find out – "Mick, I – I – I've got – gotta tell you - got feelings – I mean - I've got 'em – about you – "

"Don't you dare," Mick says, and his voice is low and tight and harsh. "You can't say it now, Len; you have to wait till you wake up. You can’t spit out shit like that right before you go. You have to tell me good and proper, Lenny, but you can only do that when you’re all woken up and okay again, and if you don’t wake up, you’re gonna regret not telling me real big. You’ve got things you need to do. You’ve gotta tell me whatever it is you want to tell me. You’ve gotta take care of Lisa. Okay? I need you to think about all the things you have left to do, all the things you regret not doing. Okay? Can you think of that?"

"Okay," Len says, because Mick sounds so serious. Mick never thinks anyone takes him seriously, unless he's using his fists, but Len does. Len listens to him.

Len can listen now.

But everything is so dark...

He wakes up in a hospital bed. Mick’s in the bed right beside him.

This is becoming a pattern.

Well, it worked out pretty well for them once.

“Mick,” he croaks. “Why’ve I got an IV?”

“I’m gonna kill you, you little fuckhead,” Mick replies, but he sounds distinctly relieved instead of wrathful.

Oh, good. Len’s going to be fine.

“Should I have said ‘how are you’ first?” Len continues, then has to stop, because his throat hurts.

“Fuck, Len,” Mick says, floating over to the hospital bed and putting his face down on Len’s belly. His shoulders are shaking. “I was so scared. They said you had shards of glass in your skull.”

“Sorry,” Len says, humor disappearing. “I must’ve given you a hell of a scare.”

“Like you wouldn’t imagine.”

“Oh, I think I can imagine,” Len says grimly. He remembers how horrified he was at the thought of Mick disappearing on him, at not being able to see or hear him, or worse, never being able to tell him –

Wait.

“Hey!” Len exclaims, brain finally revving up enough to put two and two together. “You were trying to ghost me!”

“Better than you dying all the way,” Mick says unapologetically. “If you’d got some regrets, you’d be able to stick around longer. I’d be able to pass along any words you needed to for Lisa and stuff, at least until the juice you gave me ran out entirely.”

“And then what?” Len says skeptically. As nice as the idea of hanging around all ghostly with Mick is, Len's family doesn’t ever actually turn into ghosts. Len knows his mom would've stuck around for him if she could, and she couldn't, so that probably means they never go ghost. He's pretty sure Mick didn't know about that, or he would've been even more panicky than he was already, if that's even possible.

Besides, Len doesn't actually much fancy the idea of being stuck as a ghost. Ghosts are supposed to move on, not stick around.

“Then we’d pass on together,” Mick says, as if it’s that simple.

Len swallows. “Together?”

“I guess I haven’t made it clear enough these last couple of years,” Mick says, wrinkling his nose. “Though I don’t know how. I’m here for the long run, Lenny. I’ll be at your side if you want me there, and I’ll follow you like a dog even if you don’t.”

“I’ll always want you there,” Len says, because he’s still woozy on pain-killers and near-death.

That’s the only reason. Really.

Mick grins crookedly. “You say that now –”

Oh for the love of God. Fuck the excuses.

“I say that always,” Len says fiercely. “Always and forever. You know perfectly well what I was trying to say before I nearly died –”

“You just passed out again because of the concussion. Doc says it wasn’t that serious; it’s just that head wounds bleed like a stuck pig –”

“Nearly died –”

“And I’m not going to hold you to that anyway –”

“I ain’t never letting you go, Mick,” Len finally exclaims. “Never and ever, not at all, even if I have to open the black book and pull you out of Heaven myself. You get me?”

Mick blinks. “Black book?”

Oops.

“I’m not supposed to talk about it,” Len says, but Mick’s looking curious and wondering and if Len doesn’t tell him, well, maybe he’ll get his feelings hurt and, sure, Len believes him when he says he’ll stick around – maybe – but, well, when Len’s mom told him never to tell a ghost, she surely didn’t mean Mick. Mick's different. “It’s a book of dead things.”

“Like, a bad book?”

“No, no, it ain’t bad. It’s – okay. God’s got three books, right? The book of life and the book of death and the book of in-between, and each living person’s name is in there, at least until they get blotted out," Len says. "Blotted out meaning death."

Mick nods, looking fascinated.

"Anyway, so all the good guys go in the book of life, right and if they get blotted out they go straight up to Heaven like whoosh." Len demonstrates with a gesture. "Now, the bad guys – real bad guys, the awful, unforgivable ones, not people like you and me – they go in the book of death, and when they're blotted out, they're just blotted right out. And the book of in-between’s the rest of us poor bastards, and God’ll make a call about how much time we spend kicking our heels feeling sorry for ourselves after we pass on before we get to go join him. You follow me okay?”

“Think so. God makes a call about where we go when we die?”

“No, no, it’s a new list every year, y’see – he opens the book on New Years and he closes it on Atonement Day, that's Yom Kippur, and you’ve got the time in between to be as good as you can be, you know, to try to push yourself into the book of life. Nudge yourself over the line. You got until Atonement Day to do it; s'why you ask forgiveness from everyone and be all good and shit right around then. The goal's to get in God’s good graces in case you die later that year, y’know?”

“Huh. Okay. So basically what you're saying is, you and your mom, your God’s like an accountant or something, except for life and death? Gotta admit I wouldn’t have called that one."

Len rolls his eyes at Mick, who grins.

"So the black book," Mick continues. "That’s the book of the dead?”

“No," Len says, because that's ridiculous. As if Mick would ever be put in the book of the dead. "The black book’s the shadow.”

“What?”

“It’s something my mom told me,” Len says, shrugging. “She says – she said – that it ain’t in the Talmud or the Mishnah proper, the black book, it's not like something regular Jews believe in or know about. That's ‘cause it’s a special story, just for our family. We ain't supposed to tell no one else.”

“And you’re telling me?”

“You’re family, Mick,” Len says firmly. If there's one thing he's sure of, it's that. “The black book – okay, so I told you the name of all the living is in one of God’s three books, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, the black book’s where all the dead names go.”

"Thought they got blotted out?"

"Yeah, blotted out of the three other books, and then they go in the black book."

“Why’s there only one?”

“Because the dead are the dead, Mick. They’re in God’s hands and in his presence; he don’t need separate books to remember ‘em all.”

“But if he’s omniscient –”

“Just go with it, Mick," Len groans. "Some things are just how the story goes, okay?"

“Fine, fine. So if you pull someone out of the black book –”

“You’re not supposed to do that,” Len says. “Not ever. Ghosts want you to, if they know about it, but you don’t. It’s – it’s taking someone what’s passed on, and bringing them back.”

“You can do that?”

“No, Mick, ain’t you listening? I can’t. I don’t know how. I mean, not really, I got the idea, but I think it’s a life-for-a-life sort of deal, or at least a soul-for-a-life sorta deal, and even then it don’t usually work, anyway – ghosts are what we really work with best, my mom and my family and me. Either way, that’d be necromancy and that’s bad as shit gets when it comes to 'don’t do it' sorta rules, and we got a lot of 'don't do it' sorta rules, so when I say it's the worst, it really means something. Doing shit like that's right out, at least unless you’re some sort of prophet.”

“But you’d try,” Mick says, understanding at last. “If it was me.”

“Yeah,” Len says. His mouth is dry and his throat hurts and he’d really like this conversation to be over. “If it were you. Because I need you by my side, Mick. I need you. I –”

Shit, he can’t say it. Three stupid words, and his throat just won’t do it.

Mick reaches over and grabs Len’s hand. “Same for me,” he says roughly. “Same for me. I was raised a good Catholic boy, but I’d walk into Hell to bring you back if I had to, Lenny, and I wouldn’t blink twice.”

Len swallows hard, again, and smiles.

Can’t seem to stop smiling, in fact.

“But one thing I wanna be clear on,” Mick says. “This shit ain’t never happening again.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll never get hit on the head or –”

“No, not that. The bit where I couldn’t do anything ‘cause I’d used up all my juice,” Mick says. “I hate to ask it, and you know I hate it, but we’ve gotta find a way to keep me solid more of the time.”

Len nods. It’s something he’s been thinking about, actually – when he realized he felt stupid things about Mick, real stupid things that his dad would kick his ass for even thinking about another boy, he started thinking about how he might be able to get Mick some freedom. He can’t bring Mick back for real – references to the black book or not – but if there was ever going to be any chance of having something with Mick, it was going to have to be the sort of thing where they could split off from each other and be angry separately for a while. It’s just how relationships worked.

“Okay,” Len says. “I’ll find something.”

“Good,” Mick says. “Oh, and one more thing.”

“What?”

“About those feelings –”

“Mick!” Len yelps. He’d thought they’d implicitly agreed not to actually ever talk about it. They don't talk about feelings; it's not their style.

Mick laughs, and leans forward to press his lips to Len’s.

Never mind. Len’s all for this type of talking, or any type of talking at all if this is what talking leads to. Brand new convert to talking, Len is.

“I can hear you thinking,” Mick says. “Stop it and kiss me instead.”

Len is more than happy to obey.

[geniuscloud]

Bad Liar- Chapter Three

I kinda went a little long on this chapter so enjoy! ALSO PLEASE DON’T BE MAD. I don’t know how to collapse the story so it doesn’t show up as long. I apologize! If anyone knows, PLEASE TELL ME!! Please let me know what you guys think, or if you have anything to say at all. I love hearing feedback! Thank you to everyone who has been reading this series. It means a lot to me. Xx

Genre: Fluff, Angst, and a little suggestive.

Jaebum/JB (GOT7) X Orginal Character

Collage/University AU

Warrnings: May cause slight heart break, and rage towards characters.

May contain: Brief mentions of BTS members.

Groggily I moved my arm, swinging it around, trying to blindly feel for my phone which wouldn’t stop beeping. The new semester meant waking up at 6am every morning for a 7:30am class; though luckily my classes ended by noon. Every ‘day one’ my first class was at 11am, and classes only lasted until 3:15pm. The only problem, I’m not a morning person. I get grumpy and agitated really easily until about 9am, then I start to properly wake up and join society as a happy person.

I got up after about 10 minutes of pep talking myself, chanting things like “if you get up today, you can see that cute Barista Jimin before class” and “If you don’t try to attempt murder, you can let yourself get ice cream from the convenience store after class.” After that I jumped in the shower, got dressed in some comfortable clothes, and did a little bit of makeup. I made a deal with myself to start letting my skin have a break on the days that I have class early. No more early morning cake-face, because once you get to university you start to realize sleep is extremely important and no one actually cares how you look early in the morning because everyone is just trying to stay awake to get their money’s worth out of the classes.

Around 6:45 I was almost ready to leave to the coffee shop; slipping on my black doc boots, when I notice I was basically monochrome dressed. Black skinny jeans and a grey shirt. Maybe I should try adding some color to wardrobe like Amie? She always wears such cute and colorful clothes. Maybe I could get more attention from boys if I was always cute like her and… What am I saying? Oh God maybe I’m getting jealous of her? Ugh, stop it. I’m fine the way I am, but… Okay, maybe some color in my wardrobe wouldn’t hurt. It would be better than looking like I’m going to a funeral all the time. I switch out the black jacket for an army green one, hoping that maybe I would look a little more approachable.

I slipped my contacts in last minute, and then grabbed my stuff before locking up. I was lucky now because this semester I have more time in the morning to get to my class. Living a little far away from school meant I got up around 6am for my 8:30am class, so this time it was nice having about half an hour to walk the equivalence of 2 parking lots. I could stop by the coffee shop, chat up the cute guy Jimin, and then head to class without worrying.

The little bell over the door rang as I walked in, a big smile on my face when I saw Jimin. I had gotten to know him a little better once he started working here 3 semesters ago. His dad owned the local coffee shop on campus, and he worked here almost every morning before his classes. He, unlike myself, was a morning person and didn’t mind waking up at 5am to open the shop at 6am. I would rather bathe in boiling water.

“Good morning Jimin!”

“Good morning Micah, you’re here early?” He smiled brightly.

“I moved on campus so I’ll probably be here a little more often, and a lot earlier than usual.”

“That’s cool. I’m glad to see you not as rushed and panicky like last semester.”

“Don’t remind me. Anyways, can I just get a Caramel Latte?” I said, biting my lip while thinking.

“Are you going to drink the whole menu this year as well?”

“We’ll see… Oh can I get a bagel too?”

Jimin ended up giving me the bagel for free as a little gift for being a very frequent customer. He wrote my name on the cup before tucking his light brown hair out of the way, and then resting the marker behind his ear. I sat down at the bar stool beside Jimin’s station munching away on the bagel as we continued to talk. “There sure are quite a few customers in here already and it’s only ten minutes after seven…”

“Yup, we get some really interesting people here when we open and when we close. Like that guy in the right corner hiding under his duvet with his laptop? His name is Taehyung, his friends call him V. He’s been in here every morning for the past 2 weeks right when we open. Even before campus properly opened for classes. That’s his third cup of espresso in two hours, and if you watch closely… He only blinks every 20 to 30 seconds. Apparently, he’s retaking a class and is trying to prepare so he does well. I don’t think he’s slept in a few days. He keeps mumbling something about plants.”

“Maybe he’s doing something to do with plants?”

“He’s a visual art’s major…”

“Uh oh.”

“Yeah, I hope he’s okay though. He’s the reason I put emergency services on speed dial on the business phone,” Jimin laughed pointing to the phone by the register. I finished up my food before grabbing my bag and I was just about to head out the door when I heard Jimin call out, “Hey Micah, are you free this weekend?”

“Uh I think so?”

“Want to go see a movie or something?”

“Yeah, sure! Are you working tomorrow, I can give you my number then? I’ve got to go to class right now” I yelled.

“I’m always here, of course. If you show up, coffee is on me.”

“I’ll be there, bye Jimin!” I darted out the door and started rushing towards my class. I was a language major, my strongest second language being English. My first class on day two was advanced English language and grammar. Which I felt would be a little easier for me, but boy was I wrong. Who knew that American’s were so weird dropping the u in words like colour and neighbour? As well as having words that are spelt the same, but sound different? Live and live, read and read? What is this?! We also established partners for any class activities, which I went to my usual partner throughout the first few semesters we had together. Thank goodness Namjoon was in another one of my classes, because he was really good with English. Where he excelled, I didn’t… though where I excelled cough pronunciation cough he wasn’t AS great. I was better at pronouncing words, and talking without an extremely distinct accent.

After what felt like forever, my classes were finally over. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep but I guess the universe had a different plan because as soon as I got home Amie was hosting what looked like a party. Though it wasn’t any of her new friends, it was JB and the guys. Mark, Jackson, Jinyoung, Youngjae, Yugyeom, and BamBam. All 6 of JB’s close guy friends were in the living room packed around the built coffee table eating. It was a typical sight for me, just usually it took place at JB’s house. Youngjae was kicking everyone’s ass at video games like usual, while the others cheered him on. I saw Amie sat on the couch, pressed between JB and Yugyeom, with a bowl of chips in her hand.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” I yelled over the TV. The game paused in an instant, all their eyes darting over to my position by the front door. No one had even noticed me coming in.

“Micah! You’re home, how are you?” Jackson smiled getting up from the floor and coming to give me a hug. He was the only one who really made an effort to come and greet me, which was a little unusual. Normally the guys were pretty excited to see me since I don’t get to see them often.

“I’m doing good. Class was boring… Amie how was your first day on campus?”

“It was fun. I went to that little café and got a coffee. The barista says he knows you!”

“Ah that’s Jimin, yeah he’s my friend. Oh by the way, we’re going to catch a movie this weekend. Do you want to come too?”

“Micah, that sounds like a date. Did you seriously just ask me to third wheel your date?” Amie smirked, raising her eyebrow.

“Micah has a date? With someone other than Jae…” Yugyeom announced before Jinyoung gave him a solid elbow to the ribs.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not a date. Anyways, can you guys explain why you are all here?”

“You didn’t tell us you had a cute roommate who could cook!” BamBam, placing the controller down.

“I just got her yesterday, and I didn’t know she could cook.” “Well she’s great, you’re going to be seeing a lot of us if she’s here and making food. Try the pork buns!”

I sighed, walking over to the rest of the guys. I was going to sit down with them but with the 8 of them taking all the chairs and carpet space, it really didn’t seem like a welcoming environment. Amie shot me a small apologetic smile before answering the question in my head. “JB brought them over to surprise us. He said they are your friends too, and also thought it would nice to introduce them to me in the meantime.”

“It sure was a surprise…” I huffed. I threw my bag in my room, laying down on my bed for comfort. I just wanted sleep, or death at this point. This was starting to get a little annoying. I’m the kind of girl who likes a plan, and I don’t like drastic changes. When things don’t go the way as planned, I start to get agitated. My theoretical plan would be moving in with my childhood best friend, going to school, having this place as my relaxing safe space, and then JB’s place would be where I go for socializing. Now JB is here and brought the looney toon bunch with him…Plus my roommate is too much of a socializer to say no and turn them away.

“Micah? Are you coming back? Youngjae wants to verse you too!” Mark called from the doorway.

“I don’t have anywhere to sit” I exclaimed as I paced over to the group.

“Just sit on my lap, I don’t mind. I have strong thighs. Though I can stand if you want to sit down,” Jackson smiled sweetly. Some people would take that as a dirty suggestion, but Jackson was actually just a genuinely sweet guy.

“That’s not happening, Micah can sit here. I’ll stand…” JB interrupted, getting off the couch and moving to the side. I slid beside Amie, who still looked a little uncomfortable.

“So, what are we playing?”

“It’s a Grand Theft Auto death match,” Yugyeom replied passing BamBam’s controller over.

“Oh, you’re back playing this old game? I thought you guys would have been playing something new like Overwatch or something.”

“Hey why doesn’t Amie verse Micah?” JB asked. All the guys seemed to really like the idea of us playing.

“Okay, but just so you know I’m great at playing games” Amie replied, grabbing Youngjae’s remote.

“Getting cocky, are we? Care to make it a bet?”

“The winner gets something that belongs to the loser. Winner’s choice.”

“Deal.”

“I should warn you Micah, I never lose.”

“Neither do I” I smirked.

Saturday rolled around faster than I anticipated. Even though the guys said they would be over frequently, I hadn’t seen them since Monday. Which was a good break I guess… At least I was able to focus on school more, and I even got to hang out with Amie. We went shopping together a little bit, she got her nails done while I watched. We just had some free time to reconnect and get back on the same page as before. We both had changed a lot, but the chemistry was still there for the most part. She told me stories about living in the UK, and in Sweden. Apparently, she felt kind of lonely and awkward being part of the minority compared to when she’s home in Korea. The world has differently beauty standards, and here… She’s considered model gorgeous, like one of the most glamourous looking idols.

I woke up a little late on Saturday morning to the sounds of Amie making breakfast. She was busy trying to make crepes, but she dropped the pan before it made its way to the stove top. I ran in to check on her, reassuring myself that she was okay.

“What the hell happened?”

“I was holding my phone and the pan in one hand, and then it buzzed which startled me and I dropped the pan” she said, lifting the pan off the floor, “thank goodness there was no crepe batter in there yet.”

I picked up her phone off the floor, the screen lighting up with a message, “Who’s Jae emoji peach?”

“Oh, it’s JB. Get it Jaebum? Jae-bum. As in peach emoji, because it looks like a booty.”

“Yeah, I-uh… I get it. So, what’s going on with him?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you guys like…?”

“We’re just friends for now. He is going to come over soon though, he said since you’re busy maybe we could hang out and go for dinner” she smiled into her phone, “You’re okay with that right?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be? I have a date with Jimin anyways.”

“Thank you again for being super cool with all of this. I really like JB, and I think he likes me too. I hope you don’t feel awkward about this…”

“Me? Awkward? Psssh. We’re history, done, the past is the past. I have absolutely no romantic feelings for him whatsoever.” Amie put a crepe on my plate, decorated with strawberries and crème. I instantly shoved it in my face, trying to keep myself from talking because this could go really bad, really fast.

“Hey do you want help getting ready for your date with Jimin? I obviously love doing makeup and hair for other people. I could help with an outfit too?” Amie suggested.

“Oh, I don’t want to burden you…”

“It’s not a problem at all. I mean I saw Jimin, that guy is the most aesthetically pleasing guy I’ve seen in a very long time. He’s super attractive and would look really cute with you. You should doll it up a little an impress him.”

“If you want to… Please don’t make me look too uncomfortable though. I still want to look like me” I begged.

At first, she tried to dress me like her. A white crop top with a floral skater skirt, and sandals. Which was a huge “nope” in my books. We argued a little bit over my outfit, and then she finally went to MY closet to look for clothes. We settled on a black tank top, light high-waisted shorts, and my army green jacket. Once the clothes were settled she finally submitted to making me, still look like me. The makeup was neutral colored, and she added more body into my hair.

“Now you have that more intense beach wave look. It suits you, and it’s cute” she smiled, letting me finally look at myself. I’m not going to lie, I was feeling pretty damn confident in myself right now. The best part was that I still looked like me, just a little cuter. “You’re a work of art, now hurry up Jimin is going to be here in a little bit. JB should be here in a few minutes as well.”

I texted Jimin, letting him know I was ready. He replied that he was almost at the campus, and that he’ll be here soon. A knock at the door brought me to my feet, rushing to the door with excitement. I was really hoping for a good reaction from Jimin, since he usually sees me sleep deprived and not at my best. “Hey Jimi… Oh it’s you.” “Well nice to see you too ‘Best Friend” JB mocked, giving me a slight hug while entering.

“Sorry I’m just waiting for Jimin and he said he’d be here soon so I assumed it was him.”

“Wow, I’m hurt. You’re not even excited to see me anymore. What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment?”

“You keep coming over uninvited?”

“That’s not the point,” he laughed. He gave me a quick scan before returning his eyes back to mine, “You look good. Trying to impress a guy I assume?”

“Well now that I’m back in the dating game, I guess I better put some effort into it.”

“Admit it, I ruined you” Jaebum laughed, shaking his head side to side in a joking matter.

“You completely destroyed me, I’ll never be the same now” I rolled my eyes, cracking a huge smile.

“Seriously though Micah, you look good. I’m happy for you.” I felt a blush creep over my cheeks before adverting my eyes to the front door as the knocking sound protruded from it.

“Well I better go, I’ll see you later. Have fun with Amie, not too much fun though!”

“Same with you!” He called after me, as I closed the door behind him. He only caught a glimpse of Jimin’s face, the two of them sending each other a small smile.

Jimin was a kind guy, and was super sweet. You could tell by his little actions that he was super careful with every move, and he was also very caring and adorable. We saw a puppy running around in the parking lot after it escape from its owner, and oh my Lord, I’ve never seen a man act cuter with a puppy before. It made me want to plant a huge kiss on his plump lips, and squeeze him to death. Jimin was so kind to every person we met, making sure to say thank you and respectfully greet the people we came in contact with.

I got to know the little details about him and his life. His family had been running the little coffee shop his grandmother opened, on the side of their everyday jobs. Jimin had offered to basically take over as manager for the mornings because of his classes, and the pay was really good because of number of “hangry” students that stopped by. The most interesting thing I had learned about him was that he was actually a contemporary dancer, and could sing as well. Though he was too shy to sing in public, and promised to sing for me another time.

The date as a whole was really good, I enjoyed myself. Though there was a tiny piece of me who also couldn’t deny that we didn’t really have the relationship chemistry. He was an amazing guy, and he was really attractive, but we were also, really different. He was a morning person who cared so much about other, and was this bubbly ray of sunshine. Myself on the other hand, was a night owl who would cause murder if I was awoken too early for my own liking. I also had the tendency to be a little bit of a moody person and sometimes I can act like a total jerk. That was kind of the reason JB and I worked well together. We were always watching out for each other when our personalities were at their worst. We also understood how each other felt because we both know how it feels.

Maybe I wasn’t acting being sarcastic when I said JB ruined me, because there was a little bit of truth to that. I was always kind of comparing guys to JB. I realize now that maybe I just need to talk to JB about it. We never really had a proper conversation after the break up. We just instantly went back to friends, and just swept the feelings under the rug. Maybe it was time that we talk about things, especially if the two of us feel it’s time to properly start moving on. I couldn’t do that to Jimin anyways. That’s the worst thing I could probably do; starting a relationship with him before I even properly figure out my feelings for my best friend.

Jimin dropped me off at my dorm, which was still empty at the time. I invited him in for a little bit to thank him for taking me out and share some of the cake we bought from the bakery before we arrived. In the end, the evening was really nice. I had fun, and promised that we’d hang out a little more… as friends. I gave him a big hug before saying goodbye. It hadn’t been more than a minute or two when I noticed he had left his headphone on the counter. I grabbed them, slipping on my shoes and swung open the door. As soon as I lifted my head I was stunned to see two bodies in front of me. JB and Amie, planting a deep kiss on each other.

[solarbird]

and just like that, she was down, chapter 2: i sure hope you remember me

Surprise! Guess what has a Chapter 2. And a Chapter 3, already a complete first draft. I did not know about any of this until the most words I have ever written in a single day (I think) came pouring out of my brain yesterday.

Is there even a ship name for Emily and Widowmaker? [eta: there is now! gingerspider]

[AO3 link]

[Two months later. Watchpoint Gibraltar.]

With a tooth-shatteringly loud screech, the outer wall of the medical bay peeled away and fell towards the ocean, just as Dr. Ziegler's nurse assistants finished prepping the Widowmaker's first treatment.

"Sorry, luv," Tracer shouted, appearing in the void, one pistol aimed straight at the doctor, as the ringing, clanging metal fell, its sounds fading in the distance. "Can't let y'do that. We made a promise. Back off."

"Lena," said Angela, half-deafened, clinging to her composure, thinking, this shouldn't be happening, but backing away carefully towards her staff. "You lost this argument. I know how you feel about what's going on, but it's better than a death sentence. Do not do this."

"Can't not. I keep my promises, you know that." She fired a shot over the doctor's shoulder. "And stop moving towards your staff. Can't have that, either. What's she on?"

"A twilight sleep sedative, voluntary muscle paralysis, and saline I.V., that's all. We wanted her partially responsive and were about to administer the first dose of treatment. Lena, you do not know what you're doing, this is not a..."

"Stow it. I know she didn't consent and I know this ain't right." Tracer glanced at the closer nurse assistant. "Pull her off the drip. Right now." The assistant looked nervously at Dr. Ziegler, and Tracer decided to make it less optional by shooting the saline unit with her other pistol. "I said now, luv," and the nurse moved to work.

"She can't consent," said the combat medic. "She will murder you in your sleep, and that's if you are very, very lucky."

Kestrel swooped in, a wary eye still attentive to the skies outside. "What's the hold up? We don't have time for chats."

"I have this under control, can you get her up off the table?"

Kestrel waved her gravity blade at the nurse assistant - Odion, she thought - who moved away quite rapidly. Stepping forward, she snapped her fingers in front of Widowmaker's half-closed eyes, and saw those eyes track her fingers, just a little - somebody was in there. "Widowmaker, I'm Kestrel, I sure hope you remember me, we're getting you out of here, just like we said we would, back in London." She pulled the blue woman off the scanning bed, and onto her back. "Let's go, while we still can."

"Emily," warned the doctor, as the flying agent carried the Talon assassin towards the light transport hovering outside, "reconsider. You can't come back from this."

The flying agent paused at the gap, and nodded grimly in return, watching as Tracer backed slowly towards her, one pistol still aimed at the doctor, the other at the two assistants. "Neither can you."

Buggery hell, this isn't how I wanted this to go, thought Lena. "Sorry, doc. Just how it has to be, I guess."

The flyer's loading door closed in front of her as she stepped onto the main deck. She could see Angela diving for the alarms before it sealed, and teleported to the pilot's seat as Kestrel got Widowmaker into the crash couch. "CLEAR!" the flying agent shouted, bracing herself for evac - and Tracer lit the engines up bright.

-----

Widowmaker opened her eyes, but not too much, examining the ceiling. Another Overwatch transport, she thought. Not the same one back from Egypt. Smaller. I am no longer at Gibraltar. How long have I been unconscious? Other than a deep legsrthy, she did not feel different - but then, how would she know? She compared her thoughts, and how they felt, to memories of previous thoughts, and how they felt, and they seemed very much the same, very much unlike Amélie's, her only other reference. It would have to do, for now.

She struggled with half-aware half-memories of being in a... medical unit? And being prepped for something. And voices, some unfamiliar, some... not.

"We've lost the last of 'em," she heard Tracer say. Tracer, who had not been in Egypt, who had not been at Gibraltar... or had she been, at the end? "I'm gonna keep us in the soup, but it should be smooth enough 'till we change ships at Iwik."

Change ships? Iwik? Why would they need to...

"I'm going to check on Widowmaker." Another voice, the flying one, Kestrel, who had also been missing when she'd been taken, taken again, this time, by Overwatch, no doubt to be remade yet again, if not just killed, but whose voice she knew...

"Widowmaker, can you hear me?" The assassin heard the voice, but could not see its source - keeping some distance, perhaps. She let herself smirk, internally. Even sedated, she invoked fear. Good. "You're safe, and you're unchanged. We kept our promise. We broke you out before Ziegler could do anything. You're safe."

What?! The assassin's eyes popped open, all the way open, all at once acutely aware of her situation, before her mind snapped back to promises made some weeks ago in London, promises she did not want to believe, but couldn't quite not. Then Kestrel's face appeared over her, and she was talking, saying, "Hi. We've kept our word. Do you remember being captured in Egypt? We got you out of the Watchpoint. You're safe. Well, as safe as any of us are, now - we're all in real trouble, but since when's that new?"

The words confused her, memory of promises or not. Is it a... no, it makes no sense, this cannot be a trap, they already have me, why would they... She did her best to move, but her arms, so heavy, why...

"Oh," Kestrel breathed, "you're definitely awake now, aren't you? Probably a little panicky, too. I'm sorry, it's the muscle relaxant. They had you pretty well sedated before we reached you, but that's all, as far as we know - they were still prepping the first course of reconditioning meds when I ripped the medbay's walls open."

Widowmaker's eyes locked on Kestrel's, and she shivered, an involuntary action, and the flying agent saw it, and reached to touch, to comfort - but thought better of it. "I... wish I knew whether you found touch comforting."

I wish I did too, thought the spider, a little dismayed by her own reactions as they span round and round in her head. You... kept... your... you... kept your... you kept your... you...

"We've just got away from pursuit craft, and we're heading towards a little nature reserve in Mauritania, where we'll be swapping ships."

"...ah..." Widowmaker managed, and she remained locked on Kestrel, Kestrel, who she barely knew, Kestrel, who'd kept her word, Kestrel, who had... saved... her...

"You're tearing up a bit, can you blink for... oh, good, there y'go. Can you follow my fingers with your eyes?" Widowmaker looked at the Kestrel's fingertips and watched them trace a rectangle, slowly, around her field of vision. They were strong hands, solid, a little square, chunky, much like the rest of the hawk. Strong, and unexpectedly beautiful. Well, I suppose I know who is more butch in their arrangement, she thought, and a "heh" popped out, to as much her surprise as Kestrel's.

"She just laugh?" she heard Tracer say from outside her field of vision. "Hey, luv, you just laugh a little?"

"I think she did, yeah."

"Well, tell her after this, we're headed towards... oh, bugger..."

"What?"

"It's official. Bulletin just went out. We're listed."

"Surprised it took this long. Can they shut down the transport?"

"Nah, I changed the codes and blew the interlock, we'll be fine."

Widowmaker grimaced. Intentionally. And it worked. She tried moving her mouth, and managed, focus back on Kestrel's face, "...liffsted?"

Kestrel sighed, and sat, next to Widow's bunk, leaning close. "Word's gone out. Our personal IFF codes have been invalidated. Overwatch may be illegal, but we had a few privileges within it to revoke... we're now 'foe', not 'friend'."

"Ah." said the blue assassin. Slowly, carefully, she looked into Kestrel's eyes, and whispered, "Je... regrette."

"Don't," replied the hawk. "If Overwatch is gonna start doing things like this, I can't be a part of it anymore anyway."

"And just so y'know," called Tracer, "Talon put a termination order out on your head once Overwatch got y'to Gibraltar. No goin' back there, either."

"...how?"

"Friend of yours let us know. We'll be seein' her in a bit."

"...big mouth...?"

Tracer laughed. "Yeah, she said you called her that."

The spider tested her arms. A little movement at the shoulder, not much yet. But fingers - yes, those, those were free. She tapped at the bed, experimentally, and saw Kestrel smile when she noticed, bright like cloudbreak. "It is, then..." managed the spider, "...us, against the world?" She tried her wrists. Yes. Wrists. More quickly, now. Almost to the elbow.

Us, Kestrel thought. Already? "Sounds like."

A louder heh, and the spider found she could move her head. "Then... a challenge. Good." She gave Kestrel a fierce look; it excited the flying agent in ways she did not expect, as did the spider unexpectedly - if weakly - taking her hand in her own. "We will destroy them both, cherie," the assassin said, with utter conviction. "We cannot lose."

-----

"As far as she knew," said the Swiss doctor, some hours later, "it was just sedation." Power had not yet been restored to the medbay, but the wall had, at least, been braced and covered, and structural stability insured. She sat at a small table in medbay's small consultation room.

"So you told her nothing about the enhanced receptivity effects?" asked the hirsute scientist sitting opposite and to her right, snacking on his favourite peanut butter, with oatmeal cookies and lactose-free milk. Hoisting girders about - that was heavy labour. He deserved a treat.

"Of course not," said the doctor, sipping her coffee. "But I didn't lie, we hadn't undone anything Talon did - and it really was a sedative, just one that leaves patients a little more..." she waved one hand back and forth, "...open to ideas, while under its influence. It would've helped with our treatments of her, helped her return to who she really was."

"Nicely played," said Jack Morrison, nursing a judicious amount of Tennessee bourbon. "Hope this doesn't come back to bite us on the ass any more than it already has."

Dr. Ziegler smiled warmly at her old friend, sitting opposite and to her left. "I'd suspected Lena might do something she'd come to regret. I'd hoped she wouldn't, or if she did, I'd hoped I could talk her down. But if push came to shove... she might as well have that thin chance." She shuddered. "I think she has made a grave mistake. I do not think that... construct... is a person or can be reformed, and I wasn't lying about being killed in her sleep, either."

"You did what you could," said the soldier. He put down his glass and rubbed at his eyes. "She's always been impulsive, but this is another level. If they come at us... we'll have to assume the worst. They might as well be Talon." He put the drink down, and rubbed his eyes.

"That will not be difficult," smirked Angela. "I am quite angry, both about being held at gunpoint, and at losing my best chance to recover Amélie. And Kestrel," the doctor snorted, "she made a strongly negative impression on Gina and Odion. Gossip will insure everyone knows."

"I know their hearts are in the right place," Winston insisted. "Particularly Lena's. I think they're both being extremely foolish - but do not doubt their hearts."

"Just their judgements. And maybe their sanity," said the soldier.

The three sat quietly, for some moments, letting what happened today finally settle in as the sun went down. Morrison, thinking maybe they should've just handed the Widowmaker over to legal authorities; Winston, wishing he'd found a middle way, something to keep everyone happy, while knowing no such path existed; and Ziegler, angry, but still afraid for the two women who had, to her mind, made such a terrible mistake.

"To absent friends," Winston lifted his glass of water. "May they not become present enemies."

"I'll drink to that," said Morrison, raising the last of his bourbon.

Angela lifted her coffee cup, touching it against her friends' drinks. "To absent friends," she echoed. May they not be dead come morning.

[thesundanceghost]

Right Before My Eyes

For the Writer’s Guild AU Day!!!

Part One.

“Hey Harrington, 3:30.  Break time.”  Steve looked up to see his coworker Dave slip back into the CCTV room.  Steve sighed a breath of relief, grabbing his keys and his I.D. as he got to his feet.  “Anything interesting happen on the screens?”

Steve laughed at the question.  “It’s Hawkins Lab, Dave.  When has anything interesting ever happened in this godforsaken building?”

Dave laughed, taking a seat on the other chair and Steve slipped out the door.

Steve slipped outside, heading to his usual spot along the brick wall as he pulled out the pack of smokes from his back pocket.  He slipped one in between his lips and fished out a lighter.  He glanced up and immediately slowed down, surprised to see someone already around the corner.

“Hey,” he greeted the woman as he got closer.  He recognized her faintly-- she was a scientist, but she’d only started working at Hawkins Lab about two weeks earlier.  He tried to remember her name, but he’d never been good at shit like that.

The woman glanced over at him and smiled unsurely.  “Sorry, is this your spot?”

Steve slipped on his charming smile as he stopped beside her.  “Not exclusively,” he threw back.  “As long as you don’t mind a bit of company.”

“No, not at all.” She said, shaking her head.

“You’re new here, right?”  Steve asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

“Yeah, I got hired about two weeks ago,” she explained, giving a small smile.

“So Doc, you got a name?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at her.  She studied him for a second before switching her cigarette to her left hand and holding her right one out to shake.

“Ann Russell,” she introduced, and he shook her hand, impressed by her grip.

“Steve Harrington,” he answered back, throwing in a wink for good measure.  She didn’t seem fazed, just smiling as she raised her cigarette back up to her lips.

“How long have you been working here, Steve?” She asked.  Steve blinked.  He’d never been the biggest fan of his name, but he could get used to hearing her say it.

“Not too long.  About eight months,” he answered with a shrug.

“You, um, work in the CCTV room right?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.  She looked him up and down.  “Are you a security guard?”

Steve grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Actually closer to an IT guy,” he admitted bashfully.  She blinked at him, clearly surprised, before a smile crept onto her face again.  “I sort of just watch the screens and fix the cameras if something’s wrong.”

“Sounds exciting,” she teased with a small laugh, and he chuckled.

“Oh yeah, for sure.  Much more exciting than building lasers or robots or whatever the hell it is you guys do downstairs,” he drawled sarcastically, bringing his cigarette back up to his lips.  It wasn’t like Steve actually knew what those scientists got up to.  He never saw the CCTV tapes from the actual labs, and didn’t have clearance to go down there in person.  It was more fun anyway to imagine what it was they were doing.

She shrugged, still smiling.  “I wouldn’t be surprised.  Robots aren’t exactly thrilling conversationalists.”

Steve let out a surprised laugh at that.  Most of the scientists he’d encountered in this place so far had never willingly joked back about their research.  It was refreshing.

He leaned against the brick, trying his best to look suave.  “You seem pretty young to be a doctor.  You must be a genius or something.”

Ann blinked, appearing caught off guard by the words.  “Not really,” she said with a slight blush.  “I just work hard.”

“Okay,” he said, rolling his eyes, knowing she was just being humble.  “Where are you from?”

“Uh, Dayton. Ohio.” She smiled, but it looked false.  “Are you from Hawkins?”

“No, Indianapolis.  I went to private school up there.  My parents live here though, and I just moved back with them,” he finished lamely, wondering why he needed to include that.  “Why’d you move here?”

She shrugged, and he grinned.

“You don’t like talking about yourself, do you?” He asked, smirking slightly.  She blinked in surprise, her cheeks reddening before she chuckled.

“Not really, no,” she admitted with a shrug.

He smiled at her, pushing himself off the wall.  “Well, luckily for you, I love talking about myself.”  He grinned, making sure she knew he was teasing.

She chuckled at that.  “Okay, tell me about yourself.”

“Not sure if I have enough time right now,” he mused.  “How about I tell you tonight?  Over dinner?”

She blinked at that, clearly caught off guard, but he held firm, continuing to just smile at her.  Steve was never one to turn down an opportunity to make a woman blush.

“I actually already plans tonight,” she said back after a second, and he was happy to see she didn’t actually seem offended by the proposition.  In fact, she was smiling.

“Boyfriend?” he asked, only slightly disappointed.

“Ex-fiance, actually,” she explained, shaking her head, a serious look on her face.  “I left him at the alter, now he’s marrying my sister to get back at me, it’s a whole big thing.”

He blinked at her, not even sure where to begin to process that, when the look in her eyes made him pause.  He tilted his head at her.  “You’re joking,” he said slowly, not completely sure.

She broke into a laugh, shrugging.  “Absolutely.  That was a bit too easy though.”

He grinned back at her, shaking his head.  “That was cruel.”

Ann laughed, stubbing her cigarette out against the brick.  “You’ll have to lecture me another time.  My break’s over.”

Steve could only watch as she walked away, shaking his head in disbelief.  “I’ll see you around?” He called after her, and she glanced back.

“Maybe!” she called back with a laugh, swiping her I.D. to get back into the building.

As the door swung shut behind her, all Steve could think was, I’m screwed.

--- 

After that day, he saw Ann Russell constantly.  He wasn’t sure if it was because she was around more, or just because he noticed every time she walked by.  There was just something about her that he wanted to figure out.  She was short, small, and younger than basically all the other scientists in there, but she held herself like she deserved to be there.  Sometimes he’d see her fading into the background, lingering at the back of a larger group of lab coats, but to him she stood out like neon in the dark.  He’d find himself watching her on the CCTV screens, and from time to time, he’d catch her glancing up at the cameras with a small smile.

It became a routine with them.  He’d always join her in the afternoon for a smoke break and they’d talk until Ann decided she needed to get back to work.  She never seemed to want to talk about herself no matter how many questions he asked, but like he’d joked before, Steve had never avoided talking about his own life, so it wasn’t much of a problem.

In fact, the more she held back about herself, the more he wanted to know.  Pretty much all of Steve’s friends had been open books, all too eager to share their dirtiest secret.  But Ann… Anna was different.  She was a mystery that Steve couldn’t stay away from.

The only thing Steve knew for certain was that she was out of his league.  There was no doubt in his mind about that.  He was a 30-year-old English major who had moved back to live with his parents, and she was a 27-year-old Yale graduate who already had a PhD and a steady career.  Hell, he couldn’t even figure out why she was talking to him, let alone letting him flirt with her, but hell if he was going to let that stop him. 

---

Friday was supposed to be just another ordinary day.  He’d arrived to work on time, watched people walk around doing nothing for a solid afternoon before he was able to slip outside and meet Ann.

She was waiting for him as usual, and they fell into conversation easily, but there was something off about her.  She seemed tense, and kept looking around like she was expecting something to jump out at her.

“You okay, Ann?” He asked her at one point, using her name to show he was being serious.

She had frowned at that, blinking like she didn’t understand the question before finally shaking her head.  “Yeah, I’m fine, sorry.  It’s been a long day.”

She’d smiled more after that, and he decided he wouldn’t push it.  She changed the subject before she knew it, and he got distracted immediately by her jokes.

At one point, she even reached into his back pocket to grab his lighter, staring at him with an intense look in her eyes, and he felt his mouth go dry as he watched her light her cigarette again.  He didn’t know what was so hypnotizing about her, but he knew this couldn’t end well.

They ended the conversation they way they usually did.

“Hey, Doc!” He called as she walked away.  Ann stopped, turning to look at him with a small smile.  “This Friday, you and me, Mission: Impossible at the Hawk.”

Ann paused, turning to look at him with a strange look in her eyes, and for a long moment, Steve thought maybe she’d finally say yes.

But then she grinned, saying “I would, but I actually have to work late that night containing the robots.  They’ve become sentient.”

He laughed and she grinned back, already walking towards the door.

“Maybe next week?” He called after her, not one to lose hope.

“Maybe,” she called back in a sing-song voice.

---

Thirty minutes after he’d returned to the room, he’d been in the middle of a game of cards with Dave when a sudden siren rang out around them, making them both jump and drop the deck.

“Shit, what the hell?” Steve muttered, eyes searching all the screens wildly.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, although everyone had stopped and looked up at the alarms.

“This is not a drill,” a voice on the intercom suddenly rang out.  “All personnel need to immediately find the nearest exit and evacuate the building.  This is not a drill.”

Steve shared a look with his coworker before shrugging and exiting the room.  Everyone outside seemed to be equally confused as they followed the crowds towards the door.

As he walked Steve frowned as he saw several of the military guards running the opposite way.  “Aren’t they supposed to be evacuating?” He muttered to Dave.

Dave just shrugged, seeming more concerned on getting to safety.  “Who the hell knows?”

Things were a bit less chaotic once they reached the outside of the building, though everyone still seemed increasingly confused.  Steve’s eyes landed on a group of scientists in white lab coats and quickly searched for Ann, eager to joke about the strange happenings, but he didn’t see her anywhere.  Weird.

After getting increasingly bored with waiting around, Steve checked his pockets for his cigarettes, groaning in frustration when he realized he’d left them behind.  He scrambled around more, freezing when he realized they weren’t the only things he’d left behind.  His keys.

“Shit,” he whispered to himself.  The people here were crazy about keys, mainly since everything was so dependent on security.  Employees basically got two opportunities to lose their keys before being fired or suspended, and he’d already lost them once five months earlier.

He cursed again under his breath.  He glanced at Dave, who looked bored out of his mind.  “Hey man, I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Going to chat with your doctor friend?” Dave asked with a smirk, and Steve didn’t correct him, just slipping through the crowd.

He waited until he didn’t see anyone looking to swipe his I.D. and slip back inside the building.  There was nobody around, which made Steve sigh in relief.  He really didn’t want to explain to someone that he had to retrieve his keys before lock-up or he was going to risk suspension.

He moved quickly through the crowds, staying as quiet as possible.  He made it back to the CCTV room without running into anyone, and breathed a sigh of relief once he was inside.  He rushed towards the desk, but frowned when he saw nothing but the deck of cards.

“Fuck,” he cursed, kicking a chair.  He really had lost his keys.  This wasn’t good.

Another alarm went off above his heads, and Steve decided that there was really nothing to do but cut his losses and get back outside.  He could search for his keys later. 

He slipped out the door again, muttering under his breath angrily as he stormed down the main hallway.

Suddenly, a scream sounded from down a hallway, and Steve froze immediately, the sound turning his blood to ice.  There was a loud crash, followed quickly by two gunshots and some yelling.  Steve stared down the corridor.

The scream had sounded like a child’s.

That thought alone had Steve reaching out for the door, pushing it open more so he could slip down the dark hallway.

He didn’t know what the hell he was doing.  He wasn’t supposed to be here.  He didn’t have clearance for this, not even close.  He should turn around, close the door behind him, and go straight back outside and hightail it home.

Instead, he walked quickly but quietly down the hallway, keeping his eyes peeled for any signs of movement.  He would just take a quick peek, make sure nobody was hurt, and then he’d get out.  If there was a child in here, there was no way in hell he could just walk away.

He’d never been down these hallways before, and he wondered if they were always this creepy, or if it was just because of the red lights from the alarms.  As he walked, Steve began to think about all the things he didn’t know about Hawkins Lab.  Working there, everyone seemed to understand the unspoken “don’t ask” policy, and Steve had always accepted it without question.  But now, glancing into the glass windows into rooms that looked like jail cells and bedrooms… he began to feel very nervous.

He glanced inside the rooms, his curiosity overtaking every other instinct in his body that was telling him to turn around and run.  All the rooms seemed to be empty, and he’d almost decided that he’d been imagining things when something in one of the rooms stopped him cold, and he felt like he might pass out.

It was a child.  Or at least, Steve thought it was a child. The room was so dark he could barely see.  But from what he could tell, there was a boy, sitting on a bed, staring at him in fear.

“They went that way!” A voice cried out, and that was way too close.  Forgetting all about the boy, Steve threw open one of the doors and slipped inside, slamming it shut before anyone showed up.  He heard a group of people run past him, and he stayed perfectly still, barely even breathing.  He heard the sound of more gunshots and shouts, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

After what felt like two hours but was probably two minutes, the hallway was silent.

“Shit,” he hissed under his breath.  He didn’t know what he’d gotten himself into, but it ended here.  Tomorrow he was going to forget about this entire day, and he was never going to step outside of line again.  He was going to be a good employee, a great employee, fuck, he was going to be Employee of the Year for all the good and obedient behavior he was going to display.

The noise around the corner quieted, and he waited for sound of doors slamming before poking his head out. The hallway was dark, still bathed in nothing but the red light from the alarms, but it was blissfully empty.

Not taking any risks, he began to run back to where he’d came from, nothing on his mind but getting out of there.

He turned the corner and immediately came face to face with a gun.  He yelped, jumping back and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Don’t move!” A women’s voice shouted..  Steve froze immediately, feeling the blood rush from his face.  “Just-- Steve?”

Confusion clouded his sentences, taking precedence over his fear.  He turned before he knew what he was doing, only to come face to face with Ann Russell.  Who was pointing a pistol directly towards him.

“Steve!” Ann exclaimed again.  She wasn’t in her lab coat, and her hair was messy like she’d been running.  She was holding a bag under her arm, but Steve couldn’t take his eyes off the pistol she was still holding at him.

“Ann?” He blinked at her rapidly.  What the hell was going on here?

“Nancy!” Both of them whipped their heads towards a new voice, coming from another man who was sprinting down the hallway towards them.  He stopped immediately upon seeing Steve, bringing his own gun up.

“Jonathan, don’t!” Ann exclaimed, raising a hand to stop him.  “It’s just Steve.”

The new guy looked at him warily, not lowering the weapon.  “What the hell is he doing here?”  He asked Ann despite not taking his eyes off Steve.  Steve couldn’t breathe.

Ann didn’t answer, just raised her eyebrows at him, and Steve realized she was waiting for an answer.  “I wasn’t… I just--” he tripped over his words desperately.  He really wasn’t used to explaining himself with firearms pointed towards him, and something about it seemed to mess with his charm.

Thankfully he was saved from answering by a yell from another set of double doors.

“Shit Nancy, we need to go,” the blond said, already moving towards the door.  He kept his gun in his hand, and Steve frowned as he ripped his eyes away.

“Who the hell is Nancy?”  Steve asked them both loudly, but neither of them responded, simply beginning to run down the hallway towards the door.  He tripped over himself to keep up, reading to press for more questions when the door behind them was slammed open, and a man yelled out for them to stop.

“Shit, run!”  The blond man grabbed his hand, yanking him down the hallway before turning around and firing a couple of shots back.  Steve didn’t dare look behind him, instead sprinting towards the door, the other two right beside him.

There was more yelling and the sound of a struggle behind him before shots rang out.  Steve yelped, jumping out of fear, before running even faster.  He felt the sunglasses slip off his head and clatter to the floor, but he didn’t spare them a thought, instead muttering a litany of curses under his breath.

They made it out the double door, slamming them shut behind them.  The shots didn’t cease, instead switching to a rapid fire sequence of sounds that Steve immediately recognized as a machine guns.  The window in the middle of the doors both shattered, spraying the three of them in glass, and Steve brought his hands up to protect his face.

“Come on, don’t stop!” Ann grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the doors.  She didn’t let go as the three of them continued to sprint down the corridors.

They burst out of the building through a back door that Steve had never been through before.  There weren’t any people around, but Steve was still terrified, unable to do anything but continue running after them.  They ran through the woods, losing their footing a few times, but ultimately made it back to the town.

“I think we lost them,” Ann exclaimed after a second, slowing to a quick walk.  Steve was breathing heavily, mind ablaze with terror and questions, but he followed them blindly as they slipped into a diner, heads ducked.  Steve tried his best to copy them as they exited towards the back and stopped at a table. There was nobody eating outside, luckily, and they all collapsed in relief.  

For a long minute, they were all silent, catching their breath.

With a groan, Ann threw a couple of files onto the table, along with her keycard and another ring of keys that looked suspiciously familiar.  Steve stared at them in shock.

“Are those my keys?” He asked suddenly, still staring at them, but they didn’t seem to hear him.

“Nancy, you okay?” the blond--what had she called him?  John?-- asked as he leaned over Ann-or-Nancy-he-wasn’t-quite-sure-anymore, inspecting her closely.  She nodded, though she looked sick.  She ran a hand through her hair, pulling impatiently when her fingers got stuck in knots.  

“I’m fine, I just… God, I can’t believe we fucked this up so much.  We only got two of the four files, that’s not near enough, and I blew my cover.  What the hell are we supposed to do now, Jonathan?” She asked, pacing back and forth wildly.

Jonathan exhaled slowly, shaking his head.  “I don’t know.”

He reached up to his ear, twisting his hand until he drew it away, holding something small in between his fingers.  Some sort of earpiece?  He studied it intently, a look of immense displeasure crossing over his features.  “This is definitely broken.  What about you?”

Ann/Nancy paused, reaching up her own ear and removing a similar device.  “Yeah same.  Must’ve broken when I fell.  We need to get back before they freak out.”

Jonathan nodded, pushing himself to his feet and grabbing his gun from the table.  The sight of it made Steve flinch wildly.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?!” Steve exclaimed, drawing the other two pairs of eyes to him.  They blinked at him, and Steve got the feeling they’d completely forgotten he was there.   

Ann/Nancy ran a hand through her hair again, swallowing as she looked at him. “Steve, look, it’s complicated--”

“Yeah, I got that part,” he shot back loudly, still shaking with nerves.  “But someone needs to tell me what the fuck is happening here or I swear to god I’m calling 911.”

“We don’t have time for this,” the other man grumbled under his breath, but Steve didn’t care.  He pointed harshly towards Ann/Nancy.

“You are not a scientist.  And what, Ann, Nancy? Who the hell are you?”  He was all but yelling at her now, but she didn’t seem offended.

Ann/Nancy sighed again, closing her eyes as if to gather her patience.  “Okay, look, no I’m not a scientist.  My name’s Nancy Wheeler.  This is Jonathan Byers.  We’re... we’re investigating Hawkins Lab.”

Steve blinked back and forth between them.  “What, like spies?”

“No, like concerned citizens,” Jonathan replied sarcastically.

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding quickly as he tried to piece it all together.  “Okay, so then-- then what are you detectiving… you know like-- investigating! What are you investigating?”

He sounded like an idiot, but he was too frazzled to speak straight.  Nancy shook her head.  “We can’t tell you that.”

“I deserve to know,” he shot back without hesitation.

“Telling you would only put your life at risk--”

“Bullshit!” Steve exclaimed.  “That’s bullshit because I was just shot at.  By machine guns.”

Jonathan and Nancy traded a look, clearly communicating silently, which only put Steve more on edge.

“This isn’t the place,” Nancy muttered quietly to Jonathan.

“Yeah, well we can’t just take him back with us, that’s too dangerous--”

“He’s not part of it Jon--”

“You don’t know that!”

“Will you guys stop talking about me like I’m not right here?!” Steve exclaimed.  They both quieted down and looked at him.

“Look Steve,” Nancy started, looking at him seriously.  “Weird stuff happens in this town.  You know that.  We’re just trying to get to the bottom of it.”

“Why the lab?” He shot back, not backing down.  He wanted real answers.

“Because when there’s an undercover government-funded lab in the middle of one of the most ordinary, tiny towns in America, that seems like a good place to start.” Jonathan shot back.  Steve frowned at him, wondering if this guy was ever not sarcastic.

“Who even are you?” Steve asked him, unable to keep his voice from sounding irritated.

Jonathan narrowed his eyes at him.  “Nobody, just the guy who saved your ass this evening.”

“You know what man--” Steve started, leaning forward.  He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with this guy’s attitude right now.

“Can you two please keep it civil?  This really isn’t the time.” Nancy inserted sharply into the conversation.  Steve and Jonathan kept glaring at each other, but obediently quieted down.

After a second of tense silence, something occurred to Steve.  “Jonathan Byers, was it?  Why does that sound familiar?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes, not responding.  Steve felt his irritation rise again.  “What, are you a criminal or something?  Wanted felon?”

Jonathan opened his mouth, no doubt to shoot back some snarky response, but Nancy was already cutting in again, giving Jonathan a stern look.  “No, he’s not.  His brother, Will… he was in the paper a while ago.  It was a big deal, you would’ve heard the name.”

“Will Byers,” Steve muttered, racking his brain.  “Wait, wasn’t the kid?  The, um… The Boy Who Came Back to Life?”

He remembered those newsstories.  There’d been a bit of coverage when the kid had disappeared and then been found dead, but the disturbance that had come with his reappearance was enough to reach all of Indiana.  Steve had heard plenty about it, but it was never fully explained.

Jonathan gave a curt nod.  “That’s him.”

Steve barely heard the response.  He was thinking too quickly, putting the pieces together.  He was no longer pissed or irritated.  Instead, he felt a wave of nauseau overcome him. “Wait, so when you said you’re investigating weird stuff in Hawkins… you meant the kids, right?  The missing kids?”

Nancy sighed sadly, giving a short nod in response.

Steve sat down opposite of them in the booth, breath speeding up as he thought back to the hallway, the sound of the scream, the face in the window…

“Steve?” Nancy asked quietly, reaching out for his hand, which Steve realized was shaking badly.  She was frowning at him, looking worried, and even Jonathan looked a bit concerned.  “Steve, do you know something?”

Steve shook his head.  “No, no, I just… I think I might’ve seen something.”

“Did you see a kid?” Jonathan asked, leaning forward to talk quieter.  

This made Steve falter.  He’d expected them to know the answers, but they were staring him like their lives depended on his response.  “Well, yeah, I mean, I think so.  In one of the rooms, before I ran into you.” He was stumbling again. “Not for long, he disappeared, but--”

“What did he looked like?” Jonathan asked sharply.  “Did he have a shaved head?”

“What?” Steve asked.  What kind of question was that?

“His hair, was it cut really short?” Nancy asked, eyes wide and searching.

“Um, yeah, I think so,” Steve racked his brain for the details.  “I didn’t get a good look, but yeah.  His hair was short.”

Nancy let out a shaky breath, sitting back down on the booth like she couldn’t stand any longer.  Jonathan was staring into space, eyes wide like he couldn’t stop thinking.

“You know what this means,” Jonathan breathed out, looking at Nancy suddenly.

Nancy nodded dumbly.  “We were right.  Hopper was right.”

“Right about what?” Steve asked nervously, looking at them both.  He felt anxious all over, and he was shaking slightly.  “What does it mean?”

Nancy let out another breath, and when she responded, her voice was bitter and cold.

“It’s happening again.  Hawkins Lab is experimenting.”

Author Notes: Sorry I’m late!!!! This is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to write wow and it’s not edited, so it’ll probably be very different later.  Things will be explained in future parts!!!!

[daniellereviews]

Danielle Watches Fraggle Rock Season 3 - Episode 22 : Sprocket’s Big Adventure

Guess who’s back.  Back again.  Where the hell is paint.  It’s not under P...it’s not under M for Microsoft Paint...it’s under W for WHAT THE FUCK?

Oh, I do know this should be episode 401, but I go in DVD set order, so.....

Anyway.  Today’s episode opens with Gobo having a bit of a special effect fail as he tries to dig a postcard out of the trash but we see it’s already attached to his hand.  Then he runs into Sprocket.

Gobo tries to be friends with Sprocket and is all “Say my name!”  

When Doc comes back up from fixing pipes in the floor we can see that he’s working quite the combover.

Let it go, seriously.

Doc doesn’t quite believe in the furry creatures in the walls, and Gobo’s left, and Doc is rather preoccupied with his repairs.  And with his monkey wrench.  He says that Sprocket will just have to prove the existence of furry creatures, so when Doc leaves Sprocket “falls” down the hole and starts to dig.

Meanwhile, down in Fraggle Rock...

We got Boober cooking some stew.  Apparently they’re going with a “Boober’s cooking is bad” gag again this episode.  I’m really not sure why they go that direction.  Bad chefs must be hilarious to someone.

Red and Mokey have failed to get radishes since the Gorgs have been chilling in the garden.  But they also do not want to eat stew, and Red threatens to throw it out. They scuffle a bit over the pot when Gobo comes and suggests going to pick mush melons. 

In another part of The Rock Sprocket has finally dug through and I think he’s actually shrunk a bit.

I mean, Sprocket’s size next to this hole was awful when he was “stuck” in it.  But there’s a little “magic” chord going on when he comes out and things get kind of weird.  I think The Rock is shrinking him so that he can go on this adventure.  

Like, sometimes I think that The Rock is the living organism and that the creatures within it are like symbiotic bacteria or cells or something.  Because the next sequence is super weird.

 Voices call “this way” as Sprocket goes deeper and deeper into the rock.  Sometimes we can see the creatures that are calling.

They sing kind of a song but it’s almost creepy.  Sometimes the voices almost seem to come from nowhere.

He finally ends up around some Doozer constructions.

Meanwhile, the Fraggles found one under-ripe mushmelon.  Mokey, helpfully, suggests that they could possibly transcend their hunger if they think of something besides food.

Seems legit.

Sprocket continues to call for Gobo but finds the stew.  He knocks over the stew and a whole lot of Doozer constructions while Cotterpin and friend look on.  She says that next time they’ll be ready for him.  Uh oh.

The Fraggles come and Boober is dismayed that his stew is spilled, as Red had finally become desperate enough to eat it.  Gobo and Wembley are more interested in all the destroyed Doozer towers.  Red points out that Fraggles would have eaten the constructions.

Which makes one wonder WHY they didn’t just eat a bunch of the constructions instead of relying on STEW and unripe melons?  Huh?  Geez way to be a bunch of drama llamas.

Of course, as soon as they all leave the scene Sprocket comes up looking for Gobo again.  

Wembley and Boober have found each other and Boober drags Wembley off far away from The Great Hall - all the way to the Workshop entrance - so that he can cop some feels in peace  so that they can be far away from whatever danger had broken everything.  Boober claims to be practicing Fear.  He also falls in a hole.  

The Doozers find Sprocket and know just what to do.

Boober realizes the hole is from Outer Space and that what broke stuff must have been from there, too.  He and Wembley flee.

Apparently what the Doozers did was go all Gulliver’s Travels on poor Sprocket.  Cotterpin mentions that they work VERY hard on their constructions that he broke.  And they don’t want an apology - they want YOU, Sprocket.  

Meanwhile, Doc has a plumbing emergency and mentions Monkey Wrench a stilted number of times until the Fraggles think that’s what must be attacking them.  That’s some season one BS right there.

Wembley and Boober run off together.

Here’s the switch of the Bait and Switch building up with the Doozers - see they WANT Sprocket to break everything.

They sing about it.  There are worse songs.

Me: Where are all the OTHER Fraggles?  Like, this is The Great Hall and it’s full of doozers.

Husband: They ate them.

Me: ?

Husband: That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Me: DOOZER STICKS ARE MADE OF PEOPLE!

Well after the song, they let Sprocket go and he promptly breaks tons of stuff. The doozers consider  Sprocket a natural resource.

The Fraggles discuss what to do, with Wembley gamely agreeing with everyone’s ideas until they snap at him for it.  He insists they need to find the creature before they can really know what idea is best.  Meanwhile Boober is getting super sneezy, he’s been sneezing off and on all episode, so he goes off to rest.

On his way home he runs into Sprocket and faints.

Sprocket tries to go under a Doozer bridge carefully, but ends up shattering it.  Cotterpin finds him and tries to assure him, again, that it’s fine, they like the destruction.  She realizes that Sprocket probably doesn’t belong here, and takes him to “that other place.”

Boober explains to the others that he saw the hairy monster from Outer Space.  Gobo decides to use Boober’s allergies to track Sprocket.  It’s a little funny when Red says that Boober has to be a hero and Boober retorts that he’d rather just be alive.

Well, as one might have guessed, the “other place” is The Universe.  Junior is intrigued by Sprocket but distracted by Pa.

Philo and Gunge are very unamused and Sprocket is awfully afraid of Marjory until she proves able to speak Dog.  

The Fraggles track Sprocket to The Universe.

These two are doing their usual stupid stuff that no one cares about.

Until Junior captures Gobo.

There’s a cute joke with Philo and Gunge using a “cheap phrasebook” to translate Sprocket’s speech.  Marjory, however, understands just fine and has calmed Sprocket down.

Until he hears Gobo calling for help.  Well, Junior doesn’t want to wake Pa, so Gobo and Sprocket make as much noise as possible and Junior trips over a clock which I think ends in a dick joke with the Cuckoo popping up roughly from between Junior’s legs.

Anyway, noise noise noise and then Junior let’s Gobo go and he and Sprocket retreat.  And Junior uhm...chokes the chicken.

Well, Gobo talks it over with Sprocket at the entrance to Outer Space.  He says that the Trash Heap told him (when????) what Sprocket wanted.  Gobo gives Sprocket a bracelet saying that will mean that Doc “has to” believe in Fraggles.

Yeah, that’s stupid, Gobo.

They part ways.

And of course Doc mistakes the bracelet that Gobo never really wears for a washer and the status quo is preserved.

Episode : 6/10

This is a good episode to start a season, which is what it really is.  It reintroduces the Fraggles, the Doozers and their society and values, and the Gorgs, and the Trash Heap.  Unlike some other episodes that have a lot going on this one feels pretty natural - except for the initial “what are we going to eat there’s only food everywhere” conflict.  It’s pretty solid but some poor puppetsmanship drives it down a bit.  Gobo’s pre-stuck postcard, Wembley’s poor arm motions, and other bits and pieces aren’t the best work.  Also, we don’t get to spend a lot of time with any one group so it feels rushed.  Better to be rushed than slow.  A good experience, an average Fraggle Rock episode.

Message : 4/10

"It always helps to learn a second language” is a message I can get behind.  

Heh. No. It’s not really a messages as much as it’s a “myth arc” episode about the connected nature of everything.  The Fraggles work together to find an answer and help Sprocket - who they have come to consider a friend.  It’s nice to see them not being as terrified or antagonistic with Junior.  Wembley doesn’t exactly stand up for himself, but he doesn’t exactly fold completely either.  Subtle changes but there’s some definite progression here, but it doesn’t form a single cohesive point.

Songs: 4/10

The songs aren’t really good this time.  “This Way” serves a purpose though it’s an odd purpose.  Does The Rock will this to happen?  Both are kind of forgettable as songs though, to me.

Random Observations:

This follows “Bells of Fraggle Rock” on the disc and boy is THAT a hard act to follow.

It’s one more episode on the disc after this.

More stuff for Boober X Wembley as they spend a lot of time together this episode even when it might have made sense for Wembley to follow Gobo.

Less of Mokey and Red this episode.

[cutepresea]

XD0-3 Gjallarhorn Prologue: Fighting Alongside the Adults

Sorry again for the spam.

If you want to blacklist these, you can use either the tag #gjallarhorn prologue or #xdu scripts

Reminder that these are copied straight from XD Unlimited itself, so any grammatical weirdness, mistranslations, and/or mischaracterizations are not my doing.

Genjuro Kazanari: "Hmph!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Haah... Haah... Haah..."

Genjuro Kazanari: (This has been the longest five minutes of my life.)

Genjuro Kazanari: "Have the civilians been evacuated yet?!"

Ver Squad Member A: "Not yet!"

Ver Squad Member B: "The civilians who came into contact with the miasma are going berserk! We need more time!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Agh! So they got covered in the stuff before we got here..."

Genjuro Kazanari: (Average people won't last a minute in that miasma...)

Genjuro Kazanari: "The battlefront being so close to the evac route is a problem too... I need to get this thing out of here."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Dr. Ver, help me out!"

Dr. Ver: "That's easier said than done. Don't forget, I can't get near it, either."

Dr. Ver: "Unlike full-body relics, only my arm is protected. Touching that stuff wouldn't end well for me."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Yeah, that's right. If you were to touch the miasma--"

Dr. Ver: "Exactly! They say the miasma robs you of your sanity! That would be devastating for a noble hero like me!"

Ver Squad Member A: "Was he ever sane in the first place?"

Ver Squad Member B: "Now that you mention it, maybe the miasma would turn him back to normal."

Dr. Ver: "What was that?!"

Ver Squad Member A: "N-Nothing!"

Ver Squad Member B: "We didn't say a thing!"

Dr. Ver: "In any case, a hero isn't a hero without a weak spot. Achilles had his heel, and Siegfried had his back."

Genjuro Kazanari: (It'll be a pain if the miasma turns him against me, but there's not much else I can do.)

Dr. Ver: "Well, be that as it may, a hero must help out when needed. I shall do what I can."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Thanks!"

Dr. Ver: "Hyaaah!"

Dr. Ver: "Hey, hey, hey! How hard are you going to fight back?! Stop trying to steal the show!"

Genjuro Kazanari: (Hm. It's totally focused on Dr. Ver...)

Genjuro Kazanari: (This is my chance to do some real damage!)

Genjuro Kazanari: "Raaaaagh!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "You like that?!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Damn! Even that wasn't enough?!"

Finé: "The power of your attack was impressive, but it appears it wasn't enough to suppress its regeneration."

Finé: "You targeted such a small area that the surrounding undamaged tissue immediately took care of it."

Genjuro Kazanari: "So we don't just need to hit it hard, we need to hit a larger portion of its body?"

Finé: "You seem to need a little help. Shall I assist you?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "No, don't bother. This is a job for men."

Finé: "Oh, Genjuro-kun. Always so uncouth."

Dr. Ver: "He's right, we don't need you! With you here, everything I do will be far less impressive!"

Ver Squad Member A: "Shouldn't he do something impressive before saying things like that?"

Ver Squad Member B: "Give it a rest, Doc..."

Finé: "Act tough all you want, but don't come crying to me when you lose. Your Gear's time limit is running out."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Rrraaaaaaah!"

Genjuro Kazanari: (Guh... She's right. My RN Tactical Advantage Gear is running out of steam.)

Genjuro Kazanari: (Can I last until the civilians have been evacuated at least?) Genjuro Kazanari: "No, I have to hold out, no matter what!"

???: "Need some help, old man?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "That's--!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We came to save the day!"

Chris Yukine: "Looks like you're having a pretty rough go of it."

Genjuro Kazanari: "It's you two!"

Dr. Ver: "Ah, to receive aid at the most dire moment! What a gift! This must be thanks to my virtuous heart!"

Chris Yukine: "Err, you're welcome, I guess..."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Thanks for the help, you two."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Don't mention it. Now, what are our orders?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Well, we need to kill the Karma Noise, or at least engage it so the civilians can evacuate. Can you do that?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Of course."

Chris Yukine: "Leave the firepower to me!"

Dr. Ver: "It's all yours! Now, give it hell!"

Chris Yukine: "Why do I have to take orders from you, huh?! Dammit, just stay out of my way!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "As a guardian, I'm sworn to wield this blade in defense of the innocent..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Now it's my turn to fight!"

Chris Yukine: "Get lost!"

Dr. Ver: "Take that, and that!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Hmph!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Hyaaah!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes! It's working!"

Chris Yukine: "All together, now!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Yeah!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Raaagh!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Wha--?! What's happening?!"

Finé: "Time's up! Get out of there!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Ngh. But I was so close..."

Chris Yukine: "You heard her! Beat it, old man!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Facing Karma Noise without protection is suicide!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Sorry, girls!"

Dr. Ver: "Hahaha! Is he done already? Of course, the end of every story requires a hero to--"

Dr. Ver: "Agh?!"

Ver Squad Member A: "Oh no! Doctor?!"

Ver Squad Member B: "Doc, pull yourself together!"

Ver Squad Member A: "We at least need you to survive until pay day!"

Chris Yukine: "What are you doing?!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We have no choice. We're going to have to finish this ourselves!"

Chris Yukine: "Yeah!"

Finé: "No, it looks like you've run out of time."

Chris Yukine: "What?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "What? The Karma Noise--!"

Chris Yukine: "Crap. It got away."

Chris Yukine: "We were so close to finishing it off!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes, but this is Karma Noise we're dealing with. Keeping it under control with just us two is a victory."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Sorry. If I had been able to keep fighting..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "No, if we had come a little earlier, we could have taken it down as a team."

Finé: "Why don't you save the performance review for later, and make your return for now?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "She's right. Can you two come back to Section 2 HQ with me?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Okay. While we're there, it might be useful to discuss what's been going on recently."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Of course."

Chris Yukine: "So, what should we do with this guy?"

Ver Squad Member A: "Oh, don't trouble yourselves with him."

Ver Squad Member B: "We'll take him back to base with us once he comes to."

Genjuro Kazanari: "I see. We'll leave him to you, then."

Ver Squad Member A: "If he doesn't wake up, we can just drag him there, I guess."

Ver Squad Member B: "That sounds like way less trouble to be honest."

Chris Yukine: "I can't actually tell if he's the master, or the puppet..."

Genjuro Kazanari: "So, there were multiple Gjallarhorn alerts..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes. As far as we know, there are abnormalities in three worlds, including this one."

Chris Yukine: "That means this world, our own world, and one more?"

Finé: "Hmm... And the third world? What sort of situation are we looking at?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "F.I.S. runs things there rather than Section 2, with only one wielder. We sent Maria's group to investigate."

Finé: "F.I.S. huh? So brash, those Americans. Still, that world sounds oddly specific."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Well, I suppose there are lots of different worlds out there..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Anyway, what about this world? Have there been any abnormalities other than that Karma Noise?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "None as far as we know. That's the first time we've seen that thing."

Finé: "It seems that was the only specimen responsible for the Karma Noise signal."

Chris Yukine: "Then all we have to do is kill it?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes, that should bring things back under control."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Sorry girls, but we're actually going to need your help agan."

Finé: "Their help? Ugh..."

Chris Yukine: "What? Why are you mad at us?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "What's wrong?"

Finé: "What do we need them for? Don't you have faith in my abilities?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "It's not that I don't have faith in your abilities. I trust your abilties more than anyone else's."

Genjuro Kazanari: "But..."

Finé: "But what, exactly?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "N-No, it's nothing... Anyway, of course I have faith in you."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "What's going on here?"

Chris Yukine: "He's totally getting bossed around..."

Dr. Ver: "It's now time for the main event... Me!"

Chris Yukine: "Ugh, not this crackpot again."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "At least this time it feels like we've got a whole army to back us up if needs be."

Chris Yukine: "I guess you're right there."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Ahem! Anyway, on to our strategy for dealing with the Karma Noise..."

Genjuro Kazanari: "I think the fight earlier actually went pretty smooth once you two showed up."

Chris Yukine: "That's for sure."

Genjuro Kazanari: "This time, Chris-kun and Dr. Ver should take the rear, drawing its attention using mid-range cover fire."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Me and Tsubasa will then close in from the front to deal serious damage with our most powerful attacks."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Okay."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Once weakened, the rear will continue to deal damage while we all go in together to finish it."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "That sounds like it should work."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "If we're working together from the start, the RN Tactical Advantage Gear's time limit won't be an issue."

Finé: "I see I don't play a part in this plan of yours."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Well, that's not quite true. We'll need your strategic eye overlooking the battle from afar."

Finé: "All right, whatever you say."

Chris Yukine: "That sounds like a good plan, but did you really have to stick me with him?"

Dr. Ver: "I am as strong as one hundred--no, one thousand men! I will be a stone foundation to your pillar of strength!"

Chris Yukine: "You sure that foundation isn't made of sand?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "You have to admit, though, it's a solid plan."

Genjuro Kazanari: "I understand your reservations, but we'll need you to cooperate if this is going to work."

Chris Yukine: "Fine."

Finé: "Well, then. It's getting late. You should all get some rest."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Oh yeah. We have rooms prepared. They're yours for the night."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Thank you for your consideration."

Chris Yukine: "All right then, shall we?"

Chris Yukine: "I just don't get why he won't let Finé fight."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "You must consider Finé's history of erratic behavior. He's right to worry about her fighting Karma Noise."

Chris Yukine: "Then why doesn't he just say that?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Well, I would imagine he probably doesn't want to wound her pride."

Chris Yukine: "I guess..."

Chris Yukine: "Hm? Speak of the devil..."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Yes? This is Tsubasa Kazanari."

Finé: "Are you both together?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Of course. What can we do for you?"

Finé: "The Karma Noise has suddenly materialized. Genjuro-kun and Dr. Ver are already en route."

Finé: "I've arranged helicopter transport for you. Can you rendezvous with them at the agreed location?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We can. Once we get to them, we're to carry out the plan discussed last night, yes?"

Finé: "Yes. And please... bring him back in one piece."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We'll do all we can."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Looks like they made it."

Dr. Ver: "Late! You two are so, so late! The nerve of you, keeping me, a HERO, waiting like this!"

Dr. Ver: "A late entrance is reserved for heroes! Sidekicks like you are supposed to wait desperately for my arrival!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Why don't you just show up later next time, then..."

Chris Yukine: "Personally, I'd rather he just not show up at all."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Where is the Karma Noise?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Over there."

Chris Yukine: "All right. We'll finish it off before it can get away this time!"

Dr. Ver: "Hehe... We're off, then, are we? Time to make me and my loyal sidekicks' heroic deeds famous the world over!"

Chris Yukine: "...You don't suppose he means us when he says sidekicks?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I'm not sure I want to give it that much thought."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Now, let's commence the strategy!"

Chris Yukine: "All right, let's get this party started!"

Dr. Ver: "Allow me to take the stage!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Haaah!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "Hmph!"

Finé: "You've wounded it deep in its core! Now's your chance!"

Chris Yukine: "Yeah! It's time to bring out the big guns!"

Dr. Ver: "Bwahahaha! A hero never passes up an opportunity like this!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "Now!"

Genjuro Kazanari: "This is it!"

Chris Yukine: "Did we get it?!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I think so."

Chris Yukine: "Thank goodness for that... That thing was starting to become a real pain."

Genjuro Kazanari: "We couldn't have taken down that Karma Noise without your help. You have my sincerest gratitude."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "No, we were simply doing our duty."

Chris Yukine: "I doubt we'd have made it without you guys, either."

Genjuro Kazanari: "I didn't have the chance to watch you in action yesterday, but you two have really improved."

Genjuro Kazanari: "As they say, a girl unmet three days grows in surprising ways."

Tsubasa Kazanari: "You're too kind. We still have an awfully long way to go."

Finé: "Now that you mention it, do I notice a difference in your Gear? My readings show increased power levels."

Chris Yukine: "Well, we've kind of been through a lot lately."

Dr. Ver: "I see, you've gotten stronger, have you? Well, I think that's just wonderful..."

Dr. Ver: "How about putting that power to use in my Hero Unit? I could throw in some photos of myself as a gift."

Chris Yukine: "Can it, the answer is no!"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "I'm afraid we must decline."

Dr. Ver: "Hmm... Perhaps it is not yet the time. Then I shall wait until the time is right."

Chris Yukine: (Not in your lifetime, Doc...)

Finé: "Anyway, the Karma Noise signal is gone now. We are truly grateful for your aid."

Genjuro Kazanari: "All right, shall we make our way back to HQ?"

Genjuro Kazanari: "We don't have much, but how about a little celebration dinner?"

Tsubasa Kazanari: "We are grateful for the offer, but I'm afraid we must return."

Chris Yukine: "Yeah, we've got problems to solve in other worlds."

Genjuro Kazanari: "That's right, I forgot about that."

Chris Yukine: "We'll have to take a rain check on that dinner."

Genjuro Kazanari: "Sure. Anyway, thanks for your help."

Finé: "Phew... It looks like everything worked out in the end."

Finé: "Things could have been much worse if those two wielders hadn't showed up..."

Finé: "But even so..."

Finé: "Abnormalities in parallel worlds, simultaneous outbreaks, Gjallarhorn..."

Finé: "All are events that occur in this world of possibility..."

Finé: "But why am I being treated as a bystander when I should be involved? This is extremely troubling."

Finé: "......"

Finé: "No, perhaps that's not it."

Finé: "What is truly the extent of possibility in this world of possibility?"

Finé: "If it includes all of recorded history, then these changes could reach as far back as prehistoric times."

Finé: "Which means I'm not simply a bystander--"

[assholemurphy]

so, i’m dying.

lol, not rly. except, yeah, kinda.

my gallbladder has finally fucked itself into a coma and only wakes up to force me to projectile vomit myself into oblivion whenever i consume solids. and on occasions, liquids, if it’s rly cranky. that’s my life now.

i have managed to eat 2 hot pockets, some chips, abt 8 jalepeno poppers, and three eggrolls (and keep them down) in the past 2 weeks. all that i’ve been able to keep down has happened in the past 24hrs. i’m not sure how i managed it, tbh, but it wasn’t without a fight. other than that, i have not digested anything but liquids in the past 2 weeks. i cannot think straight, i can barely form words in my head, let alone say them out loud. this is not fun and i don’t like it. it was one thing to choose not to eat (tho, rly, with an ed, it wasn’t exactly a choice, ya feel?) and to choose to purge, but now that i have no choice at all, i’m so fucking pissed off. like, part of me is happy bc i’ve lost 5lbs already, even with being bloated from constant puking, but like, more of me just wants to survive so i can work on my goddamn finals. which are all due this week. and none of them are done. (except the one that was due last week, managed to do that one, luckily).

pretty boy took me to the er on sun night bc i can’t keep anything down and it’s only gotten worse since they released me. we got there right as the docs were changing shifts, so the first doc was rly narcissistic and full of himself and the second he heard me say ‘i’ve got atypical anorexia b/p subtype’ he was like, ‘ah, yes, it’s all in your head, this is your fault’ which even made pb annoyed bc he apparently can tell the difference between what’s currently going on and my (his words, not mine) ‘crash diets’. but he was p sure the doc didn’t like me bc i called my primary doc (who was supposed to get me scheduled for an ultrasound to get this taken care of almost 2 months ago but didn’t bc he didn’t believe me when i said (having opinions from 2 previous docs) i had gallbladder issues, so he ignored it) an idiot for, ya know, ignoring me when i told him something was wrong. but docs are assholes, they don’t like it when you’re right abt something they can’t see themselves. so i’m switching primary docs asap. this guy’s a fucking joke.

(it’s also been almost three weeks since the pharmacy faxed him paperwork abt the insurance company not wanting to pay for my adderall prescript bc i take 3 pills a day and they only wanna pay for 90 in 75 days (yeah, not even 2 pills a day, like this shit doesn’t work for five hours max). he still hasn’t filled it out. it’s fucking finals week and i’ve got maybe 6 pills left. how fucking grand. so that’s gotta be sorted at the same time he gets me a surgeon’s appt.)

so the guy had me pee in a cup and gave me fluids/anti nausea meds (which were nice, helped me keep down a bit of food sun night). then he basically told me ‘it’s just cyclic vomiting, you’ve just got to break the cycle’ but he was leaving so he was going to let the next guy discharge me. thank fucking god, bc otherwise, i’d probably be dead in a couple weeks.

so this next guy is eccentric af, this whole hospital is a circus, it’s fucking great (no sarcasm, i love quirky ppl). he checks out my cup of pee and orders some blood tests (that the other guy didn’t even care to do), then he comes in and talks to me and he’s fucking great, a+ doctoring, love this guy, sadly, he doesn’t have a private practice, but apparently the nurses get asked if he does all the time. how do i know? my mother asked, bc she liked him. i trusted him. i trust no docs, ever. but this one is good. he says there’s def something wrong, def not just my ed, and orders me an ultrasound for the next morning. good, great, getting this show on the road. he understands my concerns abt my primary doc and offers to explain the results of the ultrasound to my mother via phone mon night. so she calls, he tells her i’ve got ‘sludge and wall thickening’ which are Bad(tm) esp in combination with me not being able to eat anything for over a week and a half.

so, now i’ve got to talk to a surgeon and get my gallbladder removed. as i fucking figured i’d need months ago (during the summer, with my pain and stuff). now this vomiting thing has been happening at least once a semester for abt 2 years now. no one has known what is wrong. ‘it’s acid reflux, take these pills’ ‘these pills don’t work’ ‘welp, idk ^.^’ and so forth for 2. fucking. years. now i’ve got confirmation that my gallbladder is bad. like ‘could explode and kill me’ bad. this is great, i can finally get something done abt this.

except.

except it’s finals week and no only am i running v low on adderall (i just took a pill for the first time since fri morning just a few hours ago) and i’m now fatigued and unable to eat with 4 projects left to do. all of which require a fuckton of concentration. concentration i just don’t have even with the adderall bc i haven’t actually eaten much food lately and can’t fucking think at all. like, every time i eat, it comes right back up.

so, i’ve been sleeping a lot. great, right? except for ya know, all the work i’ve got? nope. i can’t sleep for longer than 4 hours without having night terrors. like BAD ones. i’d tell you abt the one i had when i slept last (from 5:30p to 8:30p) but it would require a whole host of trigger warnings just to give a summary. but it fucked me up badly. and they’ve been getting progressively worse. i dreamed my dog died. i dreamed my apartment was possessed and the demon was trying to kill me. i’ve dreamed of animal abuse and murder and even worse things that leave me fucking shaking when i wake up. but i’m so tired that i keep falling asleep anyway, no matter how scared i am. and i stay asleep, until my alarm goes off, then i shut it off and fall asleep again (into a different night terror). there is no stopping this. my body is dying and it’s telling my brain i’m in danger so my brain is trying to scare me. it’s working. i’m well aware i’m in danger but there’s nothing i can do until my mom sets up a surgeon’s appt for me. i’ve got to remind her to do that tomorrow. i’d do it myself, but i’m far to fucking out of it currently to talk to a medical professional in any capacity.

but throughout all of this, i’m falling further and further behind on my final projects. i’ve got a 10min play analysis due tomorrow at 10:30a (which i’ve got to work on tonight). then i’ve got to finish my stagecraft project (which requires that i go to the shop 3 more times so i’ve got to do that at like 11a tomorrow, then 12p thurs, then like 7p thurs, but i’ve got to find a shop employee to go with me, apparently, and i’d take goldilocks, but she obvs doesn’t want to do it, so i might ask pb or mary, if i have to). then i’ve got to do my monologue assignments for acting i (i’ve got one almost fully memorized, i just need to refresh, but i’ve got to memorize another one, read the play it’s from (i’ve got to buy the ebook), and do an analysis over it before thurs at 10:30a). then my intro to theatre final is due last, but it’s p big and i’ve got to do a lot for it. like 7pg paper plus a ‘previous action’ script (i’ve got to write up a script showing what happened before the play itself starts). i’ve got a SHITTON of work to do and only 9 hours for the sa final, then 24 hrs for the acting i final, then 26 hrs for the itt final, and somehow i’ve got to find at least 3 hours for my sc final. all while trying to get sleep and not eating anything.

plus i’ve still got to do some loan stuff with finaid this week.

i emailed my profs telling them what’s going on, but they’re not going to accept any late finals, so idk why i bothered. (i haven’t heard back bc i just emailed them like, an hour ago and it’s 1a). i CANNOT fuck up this semester bc i won’t get finaid anymore if i do and i can’t drop out. so like, i’ve got to get everything together, but i’m just so fucking sick and everything is overwhelming. i’m going to do my damnedest to get everything done, but idk if i’ll be able to. i rly don’t know.

i’m so fucking stressed over this shit, which is only making my gallbladder issues worse, so it’s a losing battle all around and i’m drowning. honestly, if i had the money, i’d pay for someone to do this for me, but i can’t and i wouldn’t anyway bc like, i’m not putting my name on anything i didn’t do myself out of some bullshit pride thing i’ve got going on. my pride’s gonna get me killed one day, i just know it.

but, tonight, i’m gonna work on my script analysis final and pray to god i can get it done in time. i’ve got like 2 hours left on my adderall, maybe 3 if i push it. i need to make a plan of attack for everything and get to work.

i’m not going to fail this semester if it fucking kills me. and it actually might.

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

Right, let’s not procrastinate this any longer.  It’s time for the feces to strike the rapidly rotating flat blades with episode 16, “That Day, Section 6 (part 1)”.

* The pre-episode narration is given this time in the form of an email from Subaru to her dad.  It’s a nice touch.

* The episode itself starts the night of September 11.  Or whatever the nearest Midchildian equivalent is.  Also, nice date to use for when the characters are trying to prep for a terrorist attack, even if the conference isn’t until tomorrow.  I don’t know if that was on purpose or not.

* Actually, come to think of it how much time has passed in this season thus far?  I could have sworn I rambled about the date earlier so let me see my previous reactions for a second… Ah, back in episode 3 it was April, meaning the kids have been training with Nanoha for about 5 or 6 months.

* Nanoha is about to head out with the others to start the night patrol to make sure the not-so-good doctor doesn’t start the fun early, but Vivio has been escorted up to Storm Raider as well by Aina to see her mommy off.  But then it’s the first time Nanoha’s had to stay somewhere else overnight since taking Vivio in so the kid’s a little anxious.

* On Storm Raider Rein asks Nanoha why she hasn’t made the adoption official yet.  Nanoha claims there’s still a chance of finding a family for Vivio, but nobody else on the copter thinks that Vivio is going to go along with having anybody else as her mommy at this point.  I’m surprised Storm Raider herself didn’t call BS on that one, but then I don’t think she’s had much time to get to know Vivio aside from that one extraction mission when she was still out cold.

* Elsewhere Fate finishes getting Vivio changed into her PJs for the night with Lindy calls her up on the vid-phone.  Say hi to Grandma, Vivio!  Granny Lindy wants to head over to the press conference as well as an excuse to see Fate and officially meet Vivio, but Fate reminds her that it’s kind of a serious situation where there won’t be any time for social calls.  And she’s not letting Vivio get anywhere even close to the action.

* Vivio looks at the two photos of Fate’s families and tries to figure out why one of her mama’s has two mama’s too.  Fate puts it in a way that doesn’t bring up the whole tragic backstory.

* Also, Chrono and Amy’s kids look cute, though it seems like Arf might be rubbing off on the boy. Assuming the one in shorts is a boy. For all I know they’re just a bit more tomboyish.  Or Chrono’s twins like to do the occasional Phil-Lil swap thing just because they can.

* I get the feeling RH’s design has become popular after seeing what Nanoha’s been able to do with it.

* Tea brings Vice some tea… and then awkwardly brings up the fact that she looked into his records. Apparently the guy used to be a highly regarded sniper.  But Vice emphatically does not want to talk about it.

* As dawn rises Nanoha tells Subaru she’s heading inside, and as they aren’t allowed to bring their devices in there hands RH over to Subaru for safe keeping.  Um, WHY?!  Yeah, I get wanting to limit access to weapons in there, but I’d assume that wouldn’t mean disarming the people in charge of protecting the place too.  I swear Regius is going to get himself killed by being paranoid about the wrong people.  But then he probably has a reason to be worried considering the incredibly illegal crap he’s up to.

* As the time for the conference approaches Vita confers with Nanoha via mindspeech.  Vita is of the opinion that this whole situation doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.  The way the prophecy is worded makes an internal coup unlikely, but at the same time the most likely person to attack is Jail, and there’s seemingly no motive behind that. Even if it’s to demonstrate how powerful his weapons are for potential buyers on the black market, there are far less risky targets that would do just as well.

* Evening has come, the conference is almost over, and still no sign of trouble.  It’s quiet.  Too quiet.

* Elsewhere Agito and Zest are looking at the tower from afar.  Agito is worried about Lutecia, but far more worried about Zest tonight. And apparently Zest is planning on making a move to take down Regius. Well, won’t be sorry to see that happen, but I have no idea what his beef is with the guy.

* Down in the Numbers cave Uno clicks on buttons and says that Tre (III) and Deed (XII) are in position, as are Lutecia and Zest.  Quattro pops up on monitor to say everything is ready and they’re just waiting for the signal.  Jail indulges in an evil laugh, and Uno is happy to see he’s enjoying himself.  And he very much is.  And apparently has a sponsor.  Wonder who it is?

* Jail gives the order and Uno starts playing those computer keys like an organ.  With matching music, naturally.

* Lutecia tells her device to remove the limiters, while Quattro hacks into the security system, shutting down everything she can.  The order is given to quickly bring the backup online, but one of the Numbers (um… Sein) phases her hand through the ceiling to drop in a couple of gas grenades to knock them all out.  Meanwhile Number V (don’t know her name) blows up the power source for the defensive systems.  Lutecia then summons a bunch of Gadgets into the midst of the security forces, who panic at the sudden attack.  And finally Number X fires her huge cannon directly at the tower.

* Regius is informed of the attack, but refuses to stop the conference, claiming that Ground HQ is impenetrable.  Dude, even if you have confidence in your men, YOU DON’T TAKE CHANCES LIKE THAT!  HOW DID THIS IDIOT GET TO BE IN COMMAND?!

* Apparently penetration wasn’t the plan.  Instead the Gadgets surround the tower and activate their anti-magic fields.  Now the people inside are trapped behind no-longer functioning metal blast doors with no power, no weapons, and no communications. *slow clap* Very good job Regius, you sure showed them.

* Outside Tre is talking to Sette (VII).  Apparently this is going to be Sette’s first battle, but she isn’t worried, claiming she was “born late” for a reason.  So wait, how old is she anyway?  I don’t think she was out of her tube in the start of the series, so that would only make her a few months old at most.  Geez, Jail, I know age has little to do with power in this setting but at least let the kids get old enough for toilet training first.

* Anyway, the teenage baby and Tre fly off to slaughter the Ground HQs aerial forces.  In the meantime Subaru and the other head to try and break inside of the HQ to give them backup.  Long Arch is having trouble picking up anything through Quattro’s interference, but eventually pick up a couple of S+ signals flying towards the tower at high speed, Zest and Agito.

* Vita passes the Captain’s devices off to Subaru before she and Rein fly off, with Rein doing a combined transformation with Vita, turning the eternal loli’s hair orange and costume white.

* A few of the troops with Nanoha and Fate manage to pry open one of the elevator doors, and the Captains of Riot Force 6 reinforce their hands with protective magic (they can still at least manage that) before grabbing a cable and sliding down to the underground escape routes.

* Zest and Agito barely repel Reinforced Vita’s first attack, and then out of necessity Agito performs her own Unison with Zest, giving him a Super Saiyan aura. Reinforced Vita and Zesito make their introductions.

* The kids race through some tunnels to try and get inside but end up getting stopped by a couple of more numbers, one of whom is also going for the roller blade gimmick.  Was there some popularity boom of those things in Japan around this time?

* Lutecia’s job at this particular fight is done, so she’s heading off to her other objective, reclaiming the Relic the heroes managed to claim, as well as “the Vessel of the Saints”, likely Vivio.  The alert is sounded at the Long Arch as they detect two powerful signatures heading right for them.  Aina and Zefira race to get Vivio out of there.

* The episode ends with Uno and Jail watching the chaos on the monitors, and the doc laughing at all the panicked cries.

 Well, that’s a pretty good showing on the villains’ part.  Their plan was well thought out and executed.  They might have had a bit more trouble though if Regius wasn’t such an idiot regarding his own defenses.  Oh sure, I doubt that much could have been done to prevent some of it, Jail was doing a pretty good job here after all, but if Regius hadn’t of insisted on disarming the heroes they’d be in a better condition to do something about it, nor was it a good idea to insist on continuing despite the dangerous situation.  Heck, if nothing else if you have known terrorists planning a known attack you’d think you’d allow for better sweeps at least. Especially when one of them is known to be able to phase through solid objects.  Though if I’m being entirely fair I’m not sure what you can do to prevent something like that, but then the way the episode is framed doesn’t lead one to be fair in their assessment.  Which might be part of the problem.  Thinking about it rationally there was practically zero time between Regius’ bad decision and the total shutdown, but the way it was framed still made it seem like a case of a bad decision leading to being hoist by his petard, not something that couldn’t have been prevented.

[canaryatlaw]

So I'm kind of tired, but it's more of a you woke up at 7 am and are still awake at 1 am go to bed tired rather than a complete and total state of exhaustion. This has also been the first week when I've gotten out of bed on time every morning since at least the beginning of February. I'm very happy about that. Anyway, today was pretty good, busy but good. I did wake up at 7, got ready and went to work, where I continued to work on the huge stack of trial prep papers I have, which I am slowly but surely making progress on. After spending another 8 hours on it I'd say I'm probably a third of the way through. The document I'm writing up is around 30 pages. Sigh. This is gonna take a while. But yeah, I worked on that pretty much all day, which is fine, it's boring but it's not terrible, at least it requires some brain power in summarizing and formulating what to write, so it's better than just flipping through files aimlessly. Over my lunch hour I traded between reading my oral argument outline and catching up on fanfiction, lol. I feel like I'm not making a dent into the massive back up in my inbox, but I am steadily reading and deleting emails, so it's gotta add up at some point. Hopefully over break I'll have time to really address that. The highlight of the day came around 4:40 shortly before I had to go. I had given my supervisor the affiliation agreement and first report we needed to do for field placement for him to sign off on, and the office has the supervisors do a mid-point and end-point evaluation that they keep on file in case you want to work there (since pretty much everyone they hire has clerked for them) so he had me look it over at the same time and omg you guys, it was so nice I wanted to start crying. I was a little nervous about it because I did miss a lot of days because I was so fucking exhausted for an entire month, and there was that whole incident with the crazy attorney saying I lied to her (which I knew he knew wasn't true, but still) but it was nothing but compliments and it really made me so happy. I actually wrote it down on my computer to put in my "cheer up notes" doc and I wanted to share with you guys what it was because it made me so happy, so here it is: “Rachel is hard-working, intelligent and has an incredible ability to learn the mission statement of the Office of the Public Guardian. She is an excellent legal writer and is very open to receiving comments. She has good courtroom presence and is a pleasure to work with in the office. She has all the elements in her to become a remarkable attorney and guardian ad litem.” Like......I don't think I could ask for a more glowing recommendation. And like, I do work hard. I work really hard, but I don't necessarily expect it to be noticed, I've kind of been conditioned to think it's the way it HAS to be if you want any chance of surviving in the real world, and maybe it is, but to see it really noticed like that just made me really, really happy. So that left me on a good note, though I then proceeded to leave my lunchbox in the refrigerator, where it'll hopefully stay for the next week since I'll be on spring break. Whoops, lol. So I had to do my oral argument at school at 5:30, and I did not trust public transportation to get me there on time because I've been burned way too many times by it. I knew getting an uber would mean having to deal with traffic, but I figured it still gave me a better shot. Except my uber app crashed like 3 times before I could even get one, so I ended up saying fuck it and used Lyft (not that it really matters, since most drivers are on both). Got a nice driver, had a pleasant conversation with her, traded stories of crazy funny things her kids have done and my siblings have done. It was nice. I ended up getting to school around 5:25, a little later than I would've liked but it worked. Our prof wanted us to go in pairs, one for each side, so we could argue against each other basically. So the girl I'm against is already there, we're friends so it's not a big deal, but we sit and talk for a few before our prof shows up and we get started. Overall it went pretty well, there were a few times I kind of got stuck cuz she like brought up a case I hadn't read and I just had to admit that which kind of sucked (but at the end she said in real life that wouldn't happen because you'd get your opponent's brief in advance so you'd know what to argue). But she said we both did really well, and I can deal with that. So I was happy with that. By the time we finished it was like 5:55, and I had small group at 7:30 so I had some time to kill. I went down to the lounge but it was like, completely and totally deserted so I didn't feel like sticking around there, so I went to the subway down the street and got some food since my dinner was in my lunchbox in the fridge at the office. I still had some time to kill after that, so I went across the street and got some tea from Starbucks and sat in there for a while, reading the law review article we're supposed to read for LARC tomorrow. By 7 I started heading over to the church and made it right on time. Small group was good, it was focused a lot on loving your neighbor, which if you've been following me for any length of time you know is a subject I can wax poetic on for hours on end because I have so very many feelings on the topic. It's one of the reasons I picked this small group over the others that fit into my schedule, because it's called "knowing God and loving others" and I liked that a lot. So we read the story of the Good Samaritan which of course I could recite to you by heart at this point. Then they had us break up into pies to discuss our thoughts on it and I got paired with this kind of awkward guy who was sitting next to me, he's probably at least 30 and balding quite a bit and just generally quiet, but I'm good at talking, especially on a subject like this, so we were able to keep a decent discussion going. When we reconvened as a group and they wanted to know what we talked about I of course brought up my distaste for how just about everyone walks by the homeless without so much as a second thought, as if they're not even human, and how Christians have become so good at limiting our compassion to those we think deserve it, which goes exactly against the lesson the bible is teaching here. I also talked about how love is essentially the central tenet of Christianity (1 John 4:8- "God is love" "all the commandments come down to this- love the Lord you God with all your heart soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself") and yet we've become so good at getting stuck in the complex pieces and tangential issues of religion without first applying love as an overriding principle, which is how you get the strict religious types like the Pharisees and their modern day equivalents (I don't need to name names, you know who I'm talking about). I then also brought up the les mis quote I'm quite fond of, "to love another person is to see the face of God," meaning God is the definition of pure love, his very character is reflected in you loving the people around you in the most selfless way. And I just think that's such a perfect way to put it, really. So yeah, as evidenced by the last several hundred words, this is obviously an issue I could go on about at length, so it was nice to get some of that out tonight. I've been enjoying small group a lot, though getting home afterwards has been a pain. I took the bus to the normal train stop I've been using for the route to church, but the bus was still 20 minutes away. Boo. It was 9:30 at that point, and the donut shop I tried the other day is right there and doesn't close till 10, so I figured if I have to wait 20 minutes for a bus I at least want to do it with a donut. I feel like actually trying one of their donuts on Sunday was a bad idea because now whenever I'm waiting I'm gonna be like "mmmm, donuts" because now I know how good they are. They obviously only had a limited selection left, but I ended up picking a captain crunch Bismarck donut, which ended up being like the exact type of donut I always want haha, it was a glazed donut stuffed with captain crunch infused vanilla custard with a few pieces of captain crunch on top, and it was just heaven. Eventually the bus did come, and eventually I did get home. I wasn't ready for bed yet so I turned on Training Day, which was a pretty solid episode. I need to know how many more episodes we're getting though, and how they're gonna wrap it up. As far as I can tell they haven't released any press beyond episode 1x07, but that may not mean anything left. It stinks because the show did have a lot of potential, but you really can't continue on when you lose the actor who is legit the main character and heart of the show. Sigh. It was good though, plenty of good action for Rebecca which I always appreciate. Then I watched Powerless quickly, which was hilarious as always, and I loved the captain cold shoutout, very funny episode. Then I spent like 15 minutes facing my damn affiliation agreement and evaluation to the field placement lady, though I probably shouldn't complain because she's been exceedingly patient with my quite late submission of these documents, probably because it's a pass/fail situation, but I still appreciate it. And yeah, then I packed my bag quickly because tomorrow is the start of the church kids team retreat a bit outside of the city, just for one night. Should be fun though! I'm looking forward to it, even if I may be the youngest person there 😂 we'll see. And then I got ready for bed and hear we are. I am tired though so I'll sign off here. Goodnight ladies and gents. Happy Friday.