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yaesnovels · 2 years ago

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. THE KAVEH WAY !

synopsis: after being married for quite some time, you and alhaitham decide to expand your family and try for a baby – unfortunately, things don’t work out as you imagine for a bit. after a short chat with kaveh, alhaitham decides to try switching up things a little and try the kaveh way while trying to get you pregnant – letting loose completely and making you feel absolutely loved and cherished.

cw: fem!reader, she/her pronouns used but only in the beginning; mentions of pregnancy, trying for a baby, breeding kink, unprotected sex, creampies, overstimulation, oral (fem receiving), pet names (god there’s so many; baby, babe, sweetheart, good girl, my queen, honey, princess), slight degradation (he calls you his pretty slut once or twice lol), aftercare

minors, please do not interact. i‘m okay with likes because i don‘t go through those but do not interact with my blog via reblogs or comments.

wc; 2.6k

alhaitham was rolling his eyes when he heard kaveh’s laugh, the blond architect acting to be wiping tears off his cheeks. “so, you’re actually telling me that you were completely relying on logic with this whole thing?”

“yeah, so? what’s so wrong about it?”, alhaitham argued back, it simply just made so much more sense for him to get real with facts and logic about your mutual decision to try for a baby, after being married for quite some time and being absolutely ready and sure about it. “it doesn’t really make sense to try when she isn’t even able to get pregnant, so what’s the problem here?”

“alhaitham, you’re such an idiot, oh god”, kaveh laughed. “so, you guys have only been having regular fucks whenever she was ovulating and didn’t even pay attention on how you were feeling at all? of course things wouldn’t work out like that!”

that made the scribe think – no, neither of you had really considered that your emotions and the intimacy throughout the process of trying. the more kaveh spoke on what to pay attention to, alhaitham was absolutely sure on what to do – well, luckily, you were ovulating anyway. he couldn’t totally let go of relying on logic with this.

he might as well make things up to you for not paying attention to you as much as he should have as your husband. and he might as well try the kaveh way of things to get your mutual dream come true.

–

the moment you were back home, alhaitham pulled you inside the house, close to himself and lifting up your chin as he kissed you. he kissed you, oh, so softly, he hadn’t been this gentle with you in such a long time.

you knew that he had been absolutely busy with the akademiya falling apart so he was insanely stressed out with the sudden workload. so, the whole baby making thing you were both excited about had been a complete disappointment so far – he probably didn’t even realize how much the stress affected his mood and you didn’t really want to talk to him about it either.

he was going to realize it sooner or later and it appeared that just now, he did realize it. “i’m so sorry for neglecting you recently”, he mumbled, burying his face against your neck. “i’ve been a terrible husband, haven’t i?”

“well, i wouldn’t say terrible because either way, i love you, but yeah, the last couple of weeks were somewhat lonely for me”, you replied, voice soft as you wrapped your arms around his neck, trying your best not to sound too sad about the whole situation.

“i love you”, alhaitham said, planting yet another kiss on your lips before he pulled you inside to the kitchen where you were met with an already prepared, candlelit dinner that had you look at him with so much love in your eyes.

“this all looks so great, thank you, my love”, you smiled, sitting down, as you immediately dived in, groaning at how good it all tasted. “this is amazing.”

“of course, love. you deserve all the best.”

–

“going all out tonight, aren’t you?”, you teased, “well, it wouldn’t be fair if i were to let you do everything right?”

you finally returned from the bedroom you had buried yourself in after dinner, wearing one of the sets of dark red lingerie your friends had jokingly gifted you for your wedding. alhaitham gulped at the sight, you were looking so gorgeous in that soft silk, it was so hard for him not to pull you on his lap and rip that fabric off.

you grabbed the glass of wine alhaitham had already poured as you sat on the couch next to him, drinking a sip to calm your nerves – it had been so long since alhaitham truly paid attention to you, which you didn’t blame him for. it just simply affected how easily shy you got around him; something you had gotten over with after a while of being with him.

“you’re so beautiful, baby”, he mumbled, “i missed you so much the last couple of weeks. everything was just so stressful, i’m sorry for not paying attention to you more.”

“it’s alright”, you replied, placing the glass on the table, pulling him on top of you, giggling as you noticed how taken aback he was about that. you had your legs wrapped around his hips, laying down on the couch before you kissed him. you only realized in that moment how much you had missed your gentle and doting husband.

though, the only thing you did not realize was that this piece of lingerie that didn’t really cover anything of your skin and beautiful body was letting out the pussydrunk beast he tried so hard to push away from coming out.

he deepened the kiss, one hand softly lingering over your legs, as the other one was pulling down the fabric to reveal your nipples which he just started to play around with, pinching, sucking, biting on them, having you writhe around. the more he went down on you, he noticed the beautiful scent coming from your body, he assumed a perfume that had an undertone of some sort of aphrodisiac because it made him go so feral out of nowhere, pulling off the panties covered by the short dress.

“you’re so gorgeous, baby”, he mumbled against your thighs, and leaving a soft kiss on your clit. “i can’t wait to pamper you like you deserve, my queen.”

alhaitham didn’t care how messy he was when he was fucking you with his tongue, thumb circling your clit and he was holding your thighs apart with his tight grip, already so pussydrunk with your taste and he was unsure if he would be able to stop.

“feels good, honey? i can tell by your cute noises, baby, oh you sound so good. it’s been so long since i last got to taste you, hasn’t it? i missed the way you taste and the way you pull my hair when you get so needy, baby”, he talked you through your first orgasm of the night, you were shaking and your eyes had gotten all teary.

“alhaitham”, you whimpered out his name, body relaxing as you calmed down. “please.”

“please, what, lovely?”, he questioned, teasing you with a soft giggle. “just kidding, honey. let’s move to our bedroom, shall we?”

he had you thrown over his shoulder, having you laugh as he tickled you and then put you down on the bed, before he laid down on top of you, caressing your cheek. “i keep on repeating this but archons, i’m so in love with you, baby”, he whispered, “i can’t imagine spending my life without you anymore.”

“i love you, too”, you replied, kissing him so passionately when you were turning you both around, sitting down on your husband’s lap as you pulled the silk over your body, all naked on top of him and you couldn’t help the heat rushing up your cheeks as you realized that alhaitham was still in his clothes.

“not fair”, you mumbled, unbuttoning his dress shirt, before he sat up to pull the fabric off his body. you leaned down to press soft kisses over his skin, down to his abs, still so mesmerized by how toned his body was despite being a researcher and mostly sitting in his office doing paperwork.

“you know what’s not fair, love? the fact that you try to pamper me when tonight was supposed to be all about you. and since i know you love me being rough”, he interrupted himself as he pushed you back down on the bed, keeping your wrists pinned against the soft mattress, “i will just use you until i fuck a baby into you.”

you rolled your eyes back as he spoke, the thought of you finally getting pregnant after trying for so long had you whine in need; you just wanted him to fill you up over and over until you couldn’t take anything anymore.

alhaitham pulled his pants down and threw them off the bed, grabbing your hips to lift you up and thrust deep inside of you, having you cry out as you pulled him closer to you. “please, fuck me”, you whimpered, the needy gaze you had in your eyes were simply making him go feral on you, rough and hard thrusts, the sound of skin slapping against skin had you so weak in the knees.

“archons, you feel so good around me, honey”, he groaned, keeping up his relentless pace as you buried your nails into his back. “go on, babe, leave your marks on my back. go crazy, i don’t mind. i love the sweet pain you make me feel. beg for me to make you come and cream on my cock. beg for me to come deep inside you, to get you pregnant with my baby. you want that so bad don’t you, baby? you want me to fill you up, don’t you?”

“oh, honey, you will. don’t worry, you definitely will. even if it doesn’t work out this time, i promise you, i won’t give it a break until we make our dream come true”, he calmed you down, slowing down with his thrusts to give you his full attention again. “shh, baby, don’t cry, love.” his voice was so soft and he stopped his movements for a moment, pulling out as he realized you were actually crying and those weren’t tears coming solely from pleasure.

“need me to stop?”, he asked then, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. you shook your head no. “shh, what happened, love?”

“the thought… of not being able to get pregnant and giving you what you want”, you mumbled, “you wouldn’t leave me if i weren’t able to get–”

“hey, hey, no. stop right there, love. there is nothing in this world that could make me love you less, especially just because this didn’t work out. i would never leave you for something as simple as this. i love you too much to do something like that. i��d rather get old with you alone instead of leaving you because i couldn’t get you pregnant.”

he left soft kisses on your face, making you giggle while your sobs stopped and you calmed down again. “archons, that must’ve ruined the mood now”, you mumbled.

“what are you talking about, babe?”, he smirked, leaning down to kiss you on your lips. “i recall promising you to pamper you like you deserve, didn’t i? and believe me, i intend to keep that promise.”

–

he was manhandling you like it was no struggle for him at all – lifting your legs to get you into a mating press, your hips up as you were laying on you stomach as he fucked you from behind. alhaitham was not hesitant to let you know who‘s in control in this situation, having you at his complete mercy as he made you gush around him over and over again.

“oh, you feel so good, princess. take it like the good girl you are, sweetheart”, he moaned, “mhm, good job, honey. you‘re doing so amazing for me, taking your husband‘s cock like the good and pretty little slut you are. you’re my good little slut, aren‘t you, baby?” he chuckled as you nodded in agreement, brain totally empty from all sort of thoughts.

“good girl”, he groaned, intertwining your hands as he leaned down to kiss you on your soft, yet somewhat swollen lips from all the kissing sessions you had in your breaks. “oh, archons, i’m so obsessed with kissing you, honey.”

you were pretty much unable to reply at this point – brain totally clouded from how good and exhausted you were feeling.

“look at how much you’re coming for me, honey. look how much of a mess we made here”, he mumbled against your neck, watching how his cum leak out your cunt, before he scooped up some of it with his fingers and pushed them inside of you. you had lost all track of time and you were sure it had been a couple of hours since he had started ravaging you.

“sensitive”, you whimpered out, brain unable to process anything else. it had been a bit since all power had left your body and you were just laying there, taking it like his good girl he loved to praise you as.

“oh, love, did you think i was done? that’s cute”, alhaitham giggled before he thrusted his cock back inside, “i’m not going to stop.”

your eyes widened, the overstimulation had you look at him somewhat in fear of what to expect. you couldn’t remember the last time he had made you shake so intensely, make you come over and over until you were nothing but his good girl, his good little slut, clenching around him so tightly as he had you at his mercy.

“what is it, sweetheart? am i scaring you, baby? good. you’re all mine. you deserve such a good fuck for being such a good girl for me, lovely.” he let our a groan as he - once again - buried his cock deep inside of you, painting your walls white. “come for me, baby, just take it all and come for me.”

the moment you gushed around his cock, crying out his name and sobbing in pleasure, he just watched you unfold, losing all control of yourself as you submitted to the way he made you feel so good.

“you took my cock so good, honey. i’m so proud of you”, he mumbled, pulling out. “and if you this time did not work out, we‘ll try again. it‘s alright, sweetheart. it will happen eventually.”

he placed a hand on your tummy, thumb softly caressing the naked skin. “one day it will work out.”

–

“relax, sweetheart. i know this was a lot to take in, i don‘t really know what came over me tonight”, alhaitham calmed you down as he hugged you tight from behind as you both sank into the bath. “feel good honey?”

you nodded, closing your eyes as you relaxed against him, your tense muscles turning into mush as he simply made you feel so giggly and happy. “i have a good feeling about tonight, y‘know? i feel like this time it will have worked out”, you said.

“we‘ll see, honey. and even if not, it‘s perfectly fine”, he whispered, making you shiver at how deep his voice was. it was a reminder of all the promises he made; how they were always kept and came true eventually. and you knew that this one, no matter how long it’ll take, wouldn’t be broken either.

a/n: inspired by jake and amy from b99 trying to get pregnant. i have no idea what came over me with this one. it just happened.

#. flowers for : alhaitham !#genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin alhaitham #alhaitham smut #genshin fanfiction #alhaitham fanfiction #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you

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writing-zelda-brainrots · 4 months ago

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Title: || Lament of the Fallen ||

CW(s): yandere content, angst, reader briefly contemplates murder

Prequel to this. You can honestly read these two in whichever order you want.

I think I cooked with this one. Can you tell that corruption arcs are one of my favourite tropes? It’s part of why I like writing yanderes so much.

If you were to describe your existence in this world with one word, it’d be “anomaly.” It sounded strange, but it just felt like the only right word to use.

You were an anomaly; someone who couldn’t exist, one who shouldn’t exist by the laws of the world, and yet, you did anyway. A real Schrödinger’s Cat – that's what you were. Maybe that’s why you reacted the way you did.

“Oh, hello.” The woman said surprised as she turned her gaze to you. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met.”

You let out a nervous laugh, hiding the disappointment in your voice. “Yeah, I suppose not. I’m [Name]. I’ve been traveling with the heroes for some time.”

She smiled. “Well, any friend of Time’s is a friend of mine. I’m Malon. Nice to meet you.” You shook her hand. It was calloused from hard labour, yet it was still as warm and gentle as you remembered.

Of course she wouldn’t remember you. You were an anomaly in her– no, in everyone’s lives. This was your fourth time “meeting” her, yet she looked just as clueless about your existence as the last. It saddened you. But what did you expect? Did you think that she would retain her memories of you and jump out to greet you, like she did with her friends, even just once? That she’d happily tell jokes and stories with you over tea?

It was in these moments when it became all the more obvious that you did not belong here. Not in this house, alongside the Chain, this whole world.

But maybe it’s because of this fact that you were the one most likely to be able to change this world.

Raindrops weighed down your hair, the locks sticking to your unfeeling face. You tried to not let any emotions show, but there was still a slight tinge of sadness in your eyes as you faced the people you once considered friends.

“Tell them what you want to say, but don’t take too long. I don’t want to be kept waiting. Not in weather like this.”

You said nothing, just faced away from Dark Link as he left the scene.

“Welcome to the other side, [Full name].” And with that, he was gone, leaving you alone with a rather stunned group of your so-called heroes.

“[Name], what is this? What is he talking about?”

It’s ironic. For so long you’ve waited for a moment like this; where you could finally tell them off for everything they’ve done, the crimes you’ve seen them commit in the name of ‘protecting’ you, tell them how you’ve grown to hate them. Yet words failed you in this critical, seemingly once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Somewhere deep down you knew that nothing you could say would satisfy them. They would never accept any of this.

Still, you should probably say something as your final words for them before you disappear from their live forever. So you steeled your gaze and with a sigh you opened your mouth.

“There is no point in you continuing your quest. Go home. Live long, peaceful lives.” You spoke clearly. “From now on, this fight is mine.”

Confusion was clear in all of their faces and your words did nothing to alleviate it. If anything, it just made things worse. A hand grabs your shoulder as you try to turn away. It takes all your inner strength to not shudder at the contact. “[Name], what did he do to you?”

“Don’t you dare touch me.” You spat venom at Time as lightning struck nearby, as if perfectly timed to highlight the harsh look on your face. That was seemingly enough to get him to back up a little.

“This has to be a possession, right?” Wars muttered to himself as he looked into your cold eyes. You weren’t like this just a few hours ago. Sure, you looked tired a lot more often recently, but he had hoped that going to bed early would help. There was no other explanation. There couldn’t be.

“[Name], you’re talking nonsense.” Twilight stepped forward to try and mediate. “You’re upset and tired, I get it. Let’s get you out of the rain, dry you off and we can talk this thr-”

“I’ve made my choice. This journey ends here.” You shot back, silencing them all. “Leave. You’ve done enough.”

What the hell had that bastard done to you? What lies did he feed you? Everything was just fine this morning, yet now that time felt like it was eons ago. Yet as they looked closer at you, they began seeing things they hadn’t noticed before.

Had you always had bags under your eyes? When had you began to smile less? Was your posture always this stiff? When was the last time you gladly embraced any of them? Talked to them? They always kept a close eye on you, they should know the answers to these questions. Why couldn’t they remember?

When did this aura of dark magic around you appear?

Wind’s voice broke though the silence. “Give [Name] back!” The boy dashed forward, ignoring the orders to stop. Frustration and recklessness clouded his thought process, making it easy for you to deflect his attempted punches. So much like a petulant child; crying and resorting to anger when a toy is taken from them.

Finally having had enough of him, you gathered energy into your leg. Might as well test out these new powers. With all the strength you could muster, you kicked the boy away from you. Fortunately for Wind, Hyrule was there to catch him before he could crash headfirst into a tree.

“Let go of them! [Name] would never do this – any of this! They wouldn’t team up with that monster! They wouldn’t leave us! So give them their body back, you nasty witch!” Wind managed to speak despite having the air knocked out of him.

“Maybe you just don’t know me as well as you seem to think you do.”

Immediately a sword was pointed at your throat, kept just a hair’s breath away from cutting the skin. Clearly, you’ve managed to touch a nerve, given Legend’s reaction. “Enough. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I’m not letting you leave with our enemy.”

“You’re always like this.” You couldn’t hide the frustration in your voice. “Even when I beg you, you never loosen your grip. You’ve completely isolated me from everyone who isn’t you. Despite everything, you still act like you’re in the right.”

Sky spoke up after making sure that Wind was alright. “We’re just trying to keep you safe.”

Oh, that’s the final straw. You grit your teeth.

“Maybe you are trying to protect me. BUT HOW CAN I PRETEND THAT IT’S RIGHT?” You grabbed the sword’s blade with your hand, the tip scratching open a shallow, but long, cut on your neck as you tried to move the weapon away from you.

“[Name], don’t-”

“All I know is that deep down inside, nothing about my fate will change BECAUSE OF YOU!”

Dark energy overflowing, despite your bleeding and hurting hand, you grip Legend’s sword so hard that it breaks. Rain began to swirl in the howling winds as thunder bellowed and lightning flashed all around.

There was no avoiding this fight, either for you or them. It was obvious that they were a lot more apprehensive about this, but they still took out their weapons. In turn, you waved your hand and pulled a sword out of the aether.

In a way, you had the advantage. Sure, they had numbers on their side, but their objective in this fight was to capture you, and yours was to escape. Meaning, they had to hold back, while you could be as lethal as you wanted to. Moreover, they were not aware of what new powers you possessed, and you knew all of theirs from watching them fight so many times.

Blows were traded, arrows dodged, magic fired. All the while, each member of the Chain tried to “talk sense into you,” but you stayed silent and continued your attack. You knew that if you hesitated here – even for a moment – they would win.

You were beginning to get tired, and the boys looked a little winded too. It was time to end this once and for all. Using the surrounding trees as makeshift stairs, you leapt high into the air, where none of their non-lethal attacks could get to you. The sword in your hands began to glow with dark magic.

You could do it. You had the power. You had the advantage. They couldn’t dodge this, they couldn’t block this. You could do it right now.

Make them pay for the suffering they caused.

You didn’t know if these thoughts were your own or if you were being influenced by the Shadow. And that scared you.

You weren’t a violent person; you always wanted the best outcome, you never wanted to assume the worst in people, you didn’t like fighting or getting hurt or hurting others. Has your time with these people fundamentally broken you? Has their twisted love for you changed you into someone you would hate? Would you even be able to recognise yourself in a mirror?

You saw their eyes widen in horror as you took hold of your sword, ready to attack. Your iron grip on the sword faltered subconsciously. Still, you took a swing, sending a wave of dark energy towards your targets.

By the time that the dust had settled, it had stopped raining. The Chain laid on the ground, unconscious, but still breathing. The least you could do was position their bodies so that they don’t wake up in unnatural positions. With effort you dragged them all into a pile, all of them holding each other up.

You took one last sorrowful look at the people you once held so close. “Live. That is my final message to you.”

“Farewell, Heroes of Courage.”

And with a wave of your sword, you cut a tear through reality and disappeared into the portal. Anomalies shouldn’t exist. They couldn’t exist. And soon, they would believe so too.

#linked universe x reader #lu x reader #linked universe imagines #lu imagines #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe #yandere lu

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caelisblade · 1 year ago

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¡! the kaveh way | alhaitham

synopsis: after being married for quite some time, you and alhaitham decide to expand your new little family and try for a baby – unfortunately, things don’t work out as you imagine for a bit. after a short chat with kaveh, alhaitham decides to try switching up things a little and try the kaveh way while trying to get you pregnant – letting loose completely for once and making you feel absolutely loved and cherished. and of course, completely drunk on ecstasy from all the mind-numbing pleasure he was intending to make you feel.

cw: fem!reader, she/her pronouns used but only once; mentions of pregnancy, trying for a baby, breeding kink, unprotected sex, creampies, overstimulation, oral (fem receiving), pet names (god there’s so many; baby, babe, sweetheart, good girl, my queen, honey, princess), slight degradation (he calls you his pretty slut once or twice lol)

this is a repost from my previous blog yaesnovels.

alhaitham was rolling his eyes when he heard kaveh’s laugh, the blond architect pretending to wipe tears off his cheeks in exaggeration. “so, you’re actually telling me that you were completely relying on logic with this whole thing?”

that made the scribe think – no, neither of you had really considered that your emotions and the intimacy throughout the process of trying. the more kaveh spoke on what to pay attention to, speaking from a more emotional perspective, alhaitham was absolutely sure on what to do – well, luckily, you were ovulating anyway. he couldn’t totally let go of relying on logic, after all.

he might as well make things up to you for not paying attention to you as much as he should have as your husband. and he might as well try the kaveh way of things to get your mutual dream come true.

–

the moment you were back home, alhaitham pulled you inside the house, close to himself and lifting up your chin as he kissed you. he kissed you, oh, so softly; he hadn’t been this gentle with you in such a long time.

you knew that he had been busy with the akademiya falling apart so he was insanely stressed out with the sudden new workload. so, the whole baby making thing you were both excited about had been a complete disappointment so far – he probably didn’t even realize how much the stress affected his mood and you didn’t really want to talk to him about it either.

“this all looks so great, thank you, my love”, you smiled, sitting down, as you immediately dived in, groaning at how good it all tasted. “this is amazing.”

“of course, love. you deserve all the best.”

–

after dinner, he pulled out some wine as he put on some of the sensual music he got from kaveh (which he only accepted reluctantly, after deciding it was time to pamper you since he didn’t get to do that for so long now). “going all out tonight, aren’t you?”, you teased, “well, it wouldn’t be fair if i were to let you do everything right?”

“you’re so beautiful, baby”, he mumbled, “i missed you so much the last couple of weeks. everything was just so stressful, i’m sorry for not paying attention to you more.”

though, the only thing you did not realize was that this piece of lingerie – which didn’t really cover anything of your skin and beautiful body – was the reason for the pussydrunk beast he tried so hard to push away from coming out.

he deepened the kiss, one hand softly lingering over your legs, as the other one was pulling down the fabric to reveal your nipples which he just started to play around with, pinching, sucking, biting on them, having you writhe around. the more he went down on you, he noticed the beautiful scent coming from your body — he assumed a perfume that had an undertone of some sort of aphrodisiac because it made him go so feral out of nowhere — as he was pulling off the panties covered by the short dress.

“you’re so gorgeous, baby”, he mumbled against your thighs, and leaving a soft kiss on your clit. “i can’t wait to pamper you like you deserve, my queen.”

“alhaitham”, you whimpered out his name, body relaxing as you calmed down. “please.”

“please, what, lovely?”, he questioned, teasing you with a soft giggle. “just kidding, honey. let’s move to our bedroom, shall we?”

“you know what’s not fair, love? the fact that you try to be on top of me when tonight was supposed to be all about you. and since i know you love me being rough”, he interrupted himself as he pushed you back down on the bed, keeping your wrists pinned against the soft mattress, hips pressing against yours as he kept you on your spot, “i will just use you until i fuck a baby into you.”

alhaitham pulled his pants down and threw them off the bed, grabbing your hips to lift you up and thrust deep inside of you, having you cry out as you pulled him closer to you. “please, fuck me”, you whimpered, the needy gaze you had in your eyes were simply making him go feral on you, rough and hard thrusts almost immediately, the sound of skin slapping against skin had you so weak in the knees.

“please, i need it so bad. wanna make you- make you a daddy”, you babbled, your brain no longer properly functioning as the attention he gave you and your pleasure was making you feel dizzy, tears rolling down your eyes and it was obvious that those tears were not primarily from the stimulation he put your body through. they were mainly tears of genuine disappointment coming from the failure from the constant negative pregnancy tests.

“oh, honey, you will. don’t worry, you definitely will. even if it doesn’t work out this time, i promise you, i won’t give it a break until we make our dream come true”, he calmed you down, slowing down with his thrusts to give you his full attention again. “shh, baby, don’t cry, love.” his voice was so soft and he stopped his movements for a moment, pulling out as he finally realized you were actually crying and those weren’t tears coming solely from pleasure.

“need me to stop?”, he asked then, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. you shook your head no. “shh, what happened, love?”

“the thought… of not being able to get pregnant and giving you what you want”, you mumbled, “you wouldn’t leave me if i weren’t able to get–”

“hey, hey, no. stop right there, love. there is nothing in this world that could make me love you less, especially just because this didn’t work out. i would never leave you for something as simple as this; for something we both couldn‘t have any control in. i love you too much to do something like that. i’d rather get old with you alone instead of leaving you because i couldn’t get you pregnant.”

he left soft kisses on your face, making you giggle while your sobs stopped and you calmed down again. “archons, that must’ve ruined the mood now”, you mumbled.

–

he was manhandling you like it was no struggle for him at all – lifting your legs to get you into a mating press, your hips up as you were laying on you stomach as he fucked you from behind. alhaitham was not hesitant to make sure you knew who‘s in control, having you at his complete mercy as he made you gush around him over and over again.

“oh, you feel so good, princess. take it like the good girl you are, sweetheart”, he groaned, “mhm, good job, honey. you‘re doing so amazing for me, taking your husband‘s cock like the good and pretty little slut you are. you’re my good little slut, aren‘t you, baby?”

he chuckled as you nodded in agreement, brain totally empty from all sort of thoughts, eyes glassy and full of tears from the overstimulation.

“that’s a good girl”, he groaned, intertwining your hands as he leaned down to kiss you on your soft, yet somewhat swollen lips from all the kissing sessions you had in your breaks. “oh, archons, i’m so obsessed with kissing you, honey.”

you were pretty much unable to reply at this point – brain totally clouded and blurry from how good and exhausted you were feeling.

“oh, love, did you think i was done? that’s cute”, alhaitham giggled before he thrusted his cock back inside, “i’m not going to stop.”

your eyes widened, the realization of what was to be expected of your insatiable husband had you look at him somewhat in fear. you couldn’t remember the last time he had made you shake so intensely, make you come over and over until you were nothing but his good girl, his good little slut, clenching around him so tightly as he had you underneath himself at his mercy.

“what is it, sweetheart? am i scaring you, baby? good. you’re all mine. you deserve such a good fuck for being such a good girl for me, lovely. you deserve everything i could possibly give you just for wanting to create a new life with me.” he let out a groan as he – once again – buried his cock deep inside of you, painting your walls white. “come for me, baby, just take it all and come for me.”

the moment you gushed around his cock, crying out his name and sobbing in pleasure, he just watched you unfold, losing all control of yourself as you submitted to the way he made you feel so good.

“you took my cock so good, honey. i’m so proud of you”, he mumbled, pulling out. “and if this time did not work out, we‘ll try again. it‘s alright, sweetheart. it will happen eventually.”

he placed a hand on your tummy, thumb softly caressing the naked skin. “one day it will work out.”

–

“relax, sweetheart. i know this was a lot to take in, i don‘t really know what came over me tonight”, alhaitham calmed you down. he hugged you tightly from behind as you both sank into the bath. “feel good honey?”

you nodded, closing your eyes as you relaxed against him, your tense muscles turning into mush as he simply made you feel so giggly and happy as he playfully started tracing random shapes over your tummy. “i have a good feeling about tonight, y‘know? i feel like this time it will have worked out”, you said.

#(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟalhaitham #genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin alhaitham #alhaitham smut #genshin fanfiction #alhaitham fanfiction #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x reader #genshin x you #genshin x reader

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pansy-picnics · 11 months ago

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Sorry but your recent artwork has me thinking about parent Varigo and I have to dump my thoughts somewhere. I feel like, if they actually had a kid it would be really emotional for them but in different ways. Varian finds out he’s pregnant and is a little scared at first, but he actually adjusts to the idea pretty fast and is excited about it, because he’s in a good place now and has a good support system. He doesn’t have to worry about his family judging him, he knows they’ll still see him for who he is. Hugo on the other hand is terrified. But not because he doesn’t wanna be a dad, he’s pretty excited about that, he’s just really scared that Varian is going to get sick from the pregnancy, or that the whole experience is gonna be too much for him. He feels like this is just another thing he’s “putting Varian through” because he’s still not quite over the guilt of his betrayal years ago, and now it’s coming back to haunt him. They work it out of course and Hugo realizes that it’s gonna be okay and that he also can depend on Varian’s family for support because they’re his family too. Now I’m emotional. Anyway I love your art <3

AUGHHHH YEAH YEAH THIS IS SO REAL!!!!! i love plots like that fr, their characters are so fun to explore😭😭😭 Honestly? i think in the right circumstances hugo could be a deadbeat dad. like he could just straight up leave bc he’s paranoid varian or the kid would get hurt or he’d put them in danger or something. he’s the kind of guy who’s always Running! like i could think of scenarios where he’d run away on their wedding day too. those are both horrible extremes SORRY FOR THE ANGST I JUST THINK IT’S NEAT.

i think hugo’s always WANTED a family but its something she’s always viewed as unachievable, mostly bc of the shitty living situation hes been in for most of his life. she could barely survive on her own and she’d never want to drag someone else into that yk? and she’s still scared of that commitment even after she moves into the castle, bc what if she DID have a kid and then something happened and she couldn’t take care of them anymore, or she ends up on the streets again….and what if she just ends up abandoning them? what if she’s no better than the parents she never even knew? it’s like, obviously she wouldn’t do any of those things or be in those situations but she has….a Lot of anxiety around it for sure. but i also think that she tries to adopt literally every orphan she and varian see. she LOVES kids as much as she pretends she doesn’t and its very obvious….she just hasn’t really had the privilege to be able to think about it until now.

varian…i think he goes either way, he doesn’t really plan to have kids but he’ll kinda learn to adjust to whatever, he’s also just a very family oriented guy so he’s definitely not opposed to that kind of role. in my head they usually adopt bc i think varian like, Hates anything related to the human body at all so even disregarding the gender dysphoria pregnancy is SO gross to him. idk why i just think he’s silly like that. hell make bombs and poisonous chemicals but he remembers people have organs and he wants to throw up. i’m not opposed to the idea of them having biological kids at all though…especially considering all the art i’ve already drawn for it’s us against the world LOL. personally i think even if he weren’t opposed to the idea he’d be miserable the entire time, and not even like in a serious way necessarily he’s just REALLY mad that he can’t work in the lab anymore. he’s pissed about EVERYTHING, actually. he’s bored and he’s tired and he can’t work and he feels like shit and he doesn’t really have any other hobbies either. his whole life and routine has been completely fucked over for nine months and SURE he loves the kid and he’s excited but like why does it need to be in there that long. why can’t it just come from the stork or something. 🙄/j

i think he might pick a few fights with hugo bc of it, just because he’s so overwhelmed and emotional and doesn’t know how to handle it, but hugo’s really understanding; also they’ll honestly take any kind of treatment from him because they’re like, “Yeah i probably deserved that”. which varian does NOT like btw and always gets on his ass later to stick up for himself more while also in tears apologizing for yelling at him

idk i just think them as parents would be Sooo silly. neither of them have any clue what they’re doing. dude if those two had a baby? Dude can you imagine? varian’s sooo fucking sheltered i think he’s only interacted with like, 2 babies in his entire life. quirin stays with them for tje first few weeks bc varian literally just has NO clue what he’s doing and is crying to him all the time. and hugo like, has an idea of what to do but he’s also SUPER paranoid. they’re both just staring at the kid while they sleep not so much out of adoration but because they’re just terrified they’ll stop breathing at any moment. you cant convince me that either of them know how to change a diaper. They’re gonna bring out like full lab gear. like the gag where the dads will pull out full hazmat suits for the diaper change. That’s them idc

ruddiger is also SO protective of their kids from the moment they’re born, like he jumps up into the crib and snuggles up with them and they always IMMEDIATELY stop crying. olivia is the opposite. she’s kinda like a toddler who just got a new sibling she didn’t want. shes pissed that she isn’t getting hugo’s full attention and keeps being a brat about it. hugo’s just trying to calm down his baby and olivias glaring at him while she’s about to push a glass off the table

yeah idk i. have a lot of thoughts abt them too they’re so beloved to me

#tangled the series #rapunzels tangled adventure #vat7k #varian and the seven kingdoms #varian and the 7 kingdoms #varigo #tts headcanons #varian #vat7k hugo #pansy rambling again #ask #tangled ask #hugo rottewange

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infiniteeight8 · 6 months ago

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Would love to see more of the 'can't let him find out' Alpha/Omega IronStrange series!

Edit: The first two stories can be found here.

Tony can’t stop thinking about Stephen.

The omega is usually so poised, so self-possessed. Seeing him so bedraggled after his heat had been a shock. It had been more than two weeks before Stephen had shown up at another Avengers meeting, and he’d still looked just a little too thin. Tony was certain that he’d needed every minute of that time to recover.

Is it even possible for him to recover completely from a heat that bad? Wouldn’t the wear and tear accumulate over time? It’s been five months since Titan, which means that that would have only been Stephen’s second heat since viewing all those futures. Had the first one been easier? Harder?

When he finds himself researching heat disorders, Tony knows he has to talk to Pepper.

He brings it up after dinner, when they’re sipping an evening coffee. Or, well, he starts, but all he manages is, “Pep, I’ve been…” Been what? Thinking about another omega? Technically true, but misleading.

“Is this about all the research you’ve been doing on heat disorders?” Pepper asks.

Of course she always simplifies things for him. “Yeah,” Tony says. “I found out recently that someone I know is having really difficult heats, and he swears there’s nothing to be done, and I—” Tony cuts himself off and makes a frustrated noise. “I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t understand why.”

“It’s normal to worry about a friend,” Pepper begins, but Tony shakes his head.

“I don’t actually know him that well. Not that he’s not a friend, but it’s not that kind of worry. I get that kind of worry.”

Pepper gives him a thoughtful look. “Did you see him? Just after his heat, I mean. Is that how you found out how hard they are?” Tony nods. “It’s probably a compatibility thing, then.”

“Compatibility?” Tony says blankly. He knows the theory, but… “Shouldn’t our bond cancel that out?”

Pepper laughs. “Tony,” she says fondly, “our bond is about as shallow as it’s possible for a bond to get. We don’t even sleep in the same bed regularly. It’s not capable of canceling out much of anything.”

“You can’t blame me for assuming!” Tony protests. “The whole point of us getting mated was to fend off criticism! Doesn’t it need to send out, you know, ‘taken’ signals to do that?”

Pepper shakes her head. “The rings and the paperwork do that. Pheromones are weak enough outside of heat that no one really uses them for signaling. Perfume and cologne generally mask them, anyway.”

“Huh. So because I saw him right after his heat—”

“—his pheromones were strong enough to register with you,” Pepper finishes.

“Not to be crass,” Tony says carefully, “but… he smelled terrible.”

“Tony, that probably means you’re more compatible, not less,” Pepper says, fighting down a smile. “He’d just come out of a heat so traumatic that it had you looking up heat disorders. His pheromones were obviously signaling intense distress. The more compatible you are, the stronger that signal is, and the more unpleasant you’d have found it.”

“Right.” Tony makes a face. “Biology is not my strong point.”

“I promise not to tell,” Pepper teases.

Tony turns the idea over in his head a few times. Compatibility isn’t the be-all and end-all of bonding, he knows, but there are still stories. The intensity of the sex is the stuff of pornos, but the depth of the mating bond… that’s the real fairy tale. Perfectly matched pairs came damn close to sharing emotions. To have something like that…

“If you want to pursue something with him,” Pepper says softly, “you know I’d never stand in your way.”

Tony shakes his head. “He said he wasn’t capable of bonding.”

“Don’t assume it’s that simple,” Pepper says. “Technically, you’re not capable of bonding, because you’re already mated, but mating bonds can be broken. Whatever’s going on with him, it hasn’t stopped him from producing pheromones you can react to. Besides, bonding isn’t all there is to compatibility, or to relationships. Just…” she waved a hand, “keep an open mind.”

This is a side effect of my viewing our possible futures, Stephen had said. And then there was the moment of grief Tony had seen in his eyes.

“I get the feeling that nothing about this is simple,” Tony says slowly.

Pepper gives him a small smile. “Well. You always do find things more interesting the more complicated they are.”

#IronStrange #ficlet

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thiswaytwoinfinity · 1 year ago

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Emma’s Epic Bday Multi-Fandom Rec List: Stranger Things Edition

(yes, there will be many parts because oh my god I read waaaay too much fic)

Since it was my birthday recently (and around the 1-year anniversary of when I started actually using Tumblr again after a years-long break) I figured it was only fitting to do a giant master list of all of the amazing fanfics that I have read (and reread) in the past year.

I do my best to reblog as much as possible but sometimes with work and life I miss it so this is my attempt to make up for that and give all of the amazing creators on here the credit they deserve. Thank you all so much for sharing all of your work with us. This year has been a long and difficult one for me, especially mental health wise, and being able to escape into these stories has been so valuable and important to me.

If you read anything on here that you like, please reblog and/or comment on these fics to show the creators some love!

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: While not everything listed here will include smut, many of these authors have 18+ blogs. Please, please, please respect their boundaries and DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM/THEIR CONTENT IF YOU ARE A MINOR.

Stories marked with ❤️‍🔥 contain NSFW content

Stranger Things:

colors (series) ❤️‍🔥by @loveshotzz — this was my introduction to ST fanfic and hooooo boy what an intro it was. what i wouldn’t give for a steamy, forbidden romance with best friend’s dad!Steve ��sorry, Jenny, but he was just too hot to resist — it’s hot and emotional and basically the stuff that fantasies are made of. loveshotzzz is also the creator of the Foxy Lounge series, featuring flirty bartender Eddie and bad-at-fighting bouncer Steve which is also *chef’s kiss*

Time to giddy up, yeah? ❤️‍🔥by @loveshotzz — two words: pornstache Steve. Two more words: mustache ride. Two more? You’re welcome.

As You Wish (series) ❤️‍🔥 by @corroded-hellfire — my all time favorite Eddie series! Ryan and Luke are the most adorable, hilarious kids (i loved their little “scheme” to set their dad up with their babysitter) and the little family that Eddie and his sons form with the reader has just been so delightful to read. (also, for the record, it’s on sight with brittany)

put me through it, baby ❤️‍🔥 by @agentmarvel — PINING EDDIE MY BELOVED! Ugh I loved the slow building of the friendship between Eddie and reader, the angst of him knowing that her boyfriend was trash but not wanting to cross a line, the passion between them. As i wrote when i reblogged it, “Screaming, crying, laughing, smiling, CRYING 😍🥹😭🥵 “

take me higher ❤️‍🔥 by @munson-blurbs — i will never get enough Argyle stories, and bug has written some of my favorites. this is one i reread all the time (i’m clearly a sucker for a good babysitter fic) because i love the way Argyle feels so real in it. The flirtation, the banter, those sweet little moments of awkwardness, it’s all truly 10/10. A special runner-up mention goes to this blurb which features best friend! Argyle and hair pulling and is just … just a dream.

bad idea ❤️‍🔥 by @abibliophobiaa — if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: Steve Harrington is a menace. Best friend!Steve gets his hands on the romance novel you’re reading and decides to tease you with all of the flirty things he picked up from it. Steve is at peak menace in this, which means i fell hard and fast.

this is gonna sting by @lovebugism — this one was written so, so beautifully. Sweet, lovestruck Eddie afraid to open up and confess his feelings always hits me hard and the imagery in this was just so stunning that i think about it a lot. I aspire to write a sentence as beautiful as “he leaks a bright red truth right across from you and carries everything he feels about you in raging scarlet scrapes.”

Steve Harrington Boat Smut ❤️‍🔥 by @lovebugism — God, what a glorious day it was when those pictures of Joe Keery on a boat in Italy made their way online. Anyway, this is exactly what is says on the tin and exactly what we all needed in that moment.

This story by @pouringmyheartoutforpaper — sweet, sweet lovesick Stevie who is determined that things will be different in this relationship meets reader who has some insecurities about how slow their relationship is progressing. Gorgeous, sweet, fluff that will give you the warm fuzzies.

The Tune-Up ❤️‍🔥 by @roanniom — Issa, queen of smut! This mechanic Eddie story is so hot that it will have you contemplating whether or not you should mess with a few things on your car, just for an excuse to come visit him in the shop. (Also just read all of her stuff. It’s so, so good.)

Happy Mother’s Day, Steve Harrington ❤️‍🔥 by @roanniom — STEVE. HARRINGTON. BREEDING. KINK. WILL MAKE BRAIN GO BRRRRRRR. I rest my case.

The Riddles Three ❤️‍🔥by @blueywrites — You cannot convince me that Eddie “Dungeon Master” “Lord of the Rings nerd” Munson would not try and do a Gollum impression in bed. As a firm believer in goofy, weird bedroom antics, this story is canon and I will hear nothing else about it.

Smoke and Cherry Pop Rocks ❤️‍🔥 by @somnambulic-thing — want to have your heart broken in the best way possible? HERE YOU GO. A gorgeous, tender, emotional story about regrets and moving on and finding the courage to open up, even if it’s a little too late.

Classified ❤️‍🔥by @pullhisteeth — considering the slightly absurd premise — putting an ad in the paper to lose your virginity — this was gorgeously grounded and real. Eddie is so lovely and gentle in this and it was just a treat to read.

monster under the bed ❤️‍🔥by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple — i’m going to be honest: this is monsterfucking. But if that’s something you’re into, you *need* to read this. It will make you go feral.

River Monster! Eddie ❤️‍🔥by @courtingchaos — brb, wandering along the banks of all the rivers near me in an attempt to lure River Monster!Eddie to come out and mate with me. Again, it is monsterfucking, but … come on. It’s so good. (Meg also has some of the best Gator Tillman fics out there. They’re hot and weird and wild in all of the best ways.

My Goyle Fiend ❤️‍🔥by @bettyfrommars — You want monsters? You go to Betty. Trust me on this. Her gargoyle series was the first that I read from her and I was hooked instantly. She’s written werewolves, vampires and is currently working on a brilliant series where Eddie works at the Nightmare Factory and appears in your dreams as all kinds of different ghosts and ghouls. If things that go bump in the night aren’t your taste, her biker! Eddie and Steve series are also great, as well as her beautiful gigalo!Eddie story.

I Can See You ❤️‍🔥by @fairyysoup — I don’t know that there are enough words to express how much I loved this story, The not-so-unrequited affection, the building tension, the way Steve and the reader keep coming together over the years, Steve’s big grand gesture at the end … just so beautiful and moving and steamy. I’ve already reread it like 4 times.

Stranger Things Adjacent a.k.a. Joseph Quinn characters

The Hat Shop Girl (Ralph from Timewasters) ❤️‍🔥by @rehfan — Y’all this story is *so* good. It packs so much into this love story — issues of class, grief, sexuality, power dynamics — in a way that just makes their journey so much richer and more interesting. This version of Ralph is perfect, soft and sweet and well-meaning but also the way his confidence builds throughout the story is delightful and the smut between them is so delicious and delightful. 10/10.

Knight in Shining Armor (Billy Knight) ❤️‍🔥by @rehfan — I’m gonna say it: This is my favorite Billy Knight fanfic of all time. So soft and tender, it handles Billy’s mental health in a way that feels really empathetic and realistic while also letting the audience indulge in the thing everyone really wants: to give sweet Billy all the love in the world.

This Billy Knight Masterlist ❤️‍🔥by @pollenallergie — I could not pick just one of these amazing Billy fics. pollenallergie is, in my mind, *the* authority on all things Billy Knight and she’s got it all. Her writing is soft and steamy and touching all at the same time and I love it all.

Worth It (Ralph from Timewasters) by @wheels-of-despair — Do you want to feel *all* of the delightful warm fuzzies as you daydream about the perfect life with sweet Ralph? This is the story for you. Every chapter is delightful and touching and will make you feel *all* of the feelings. I love it so much.

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squish36-writes-and-draws · 8 days ago

Text

16 November: Unraveling

(sorry there wasn't anything yesterday or at a reasonable time today but I simply could not figure out how to make myself write)

Word count: 559

General Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously

@poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @corruption-exe @rusted-phone-calls

@when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes

@callum-hunt-is-bisexual @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sillyguy-supreme

@void-kill @thefoxysnake

Unraveling Project Specific Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed/upgraded): @cutebisexualmess @crippling-pages @daizythegreat @sophiefostersno1stan @iggydancebreak

@theleopardstalker @you-will-meet-your-downfall @multi-fandom-lunatic

TW: the usual Swearing and mild Keefe angst

On Ao3 or below the cut!

First (3 November) / Previous / Next

Keefe Sencen's Journal

Ignore the fact that I haven’t written in this thing recently because I was too lazy to write the past couple of days. Honestly I don’t really know why I bother with it. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to want to go back and relive some of the shit from the past two…? Weeks. Yeah. I think it’s been two weeks now. It feels like it should be more than that. I feel like it would’ve been funny to make a bingo card predicting the wild shit I’d get myself into while I’m here in the Forbidden Cities.

It would also be funny if mother dearest found this thing and immediately regretted all of her life decisions after having to experience my thought patterns about Florent. I also want to take the time to mention that I have had many, many more objectively worse thoughts that I have not given the dignity of being written down. You’re welcome.

So, what’s happened since the last time I bothered to put effort into recording history for the future generations that would surely be interested in my recordings? Uh, well, I accidentally have a boyfriend now. He’s so fucking hot. I can’t even put it into words. I look at him and my brain juices just evaporate. It’s great. I never needed those brain juices anyway.

Ninety percent of our conversation is him infodumping about whatever plant is nearest, and being that I don’t know jack fucking shit about plants so I’m just left grasping for straws with whatever basic facts I have on hand about plants. It turns out, most of those plants do not live in the Forbidden Cities.

This would be fine, except it means Florent thinks that I’m writing my own Lord of the Rings Part 2: Electric Boogaloo with even more worldbuilding than the original. I don’t think I knew any of the words in the previous sentence last week. This is heavily concerning on many levels. I am concerned.

Anyway that means I’ve been drafted to play DnD. I do not know what that implies but apparently I would be good at it. I mean, if it requires making up random bullshit, then maybe I’ve got a chance. I’m very good at spouting nonsense, if I do say so myself.

In other news, the real reason why I sat down to write today, Florent snuck up behind me today. That would not normally be a remarkable event, and normally I would just have the shit scared out of me and then move on with my life, but it made me realise something that I do not want to consciously acknowledge. There’s a reason I’ve been rambling about other shit to avoid talking about this. A week ago, I would’ve felt his emotions behind me, even several meters away. I’m sitting here, staring at people across the street, and even when I try, I can barely feel anything.

I’m going to be real with you, I do not like the implications there. Nerfing my abilities was kind of the whole point, but I’m afraid of being numb. It’s just another way to hurt the people that I care about, and there are already so many ways. I don’t need more, but it’s what has to be done. At least I can still feel for now.

#kotlc keefe #kotlc #keefe sencen #kotlc fanfic #character: keefe #series: unraveling

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whoslaurapalmer · 6 months ago

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hopefully you don’t still have a sinus headache!

recently, i’ve been thinking about baby bea getting to go to normal school and making non-vfd friends her own age, and violet, klaus and sunny having messy complicated feelings and fears about this but mostly being very happy for her.

yes!! thankfully i am now sinus headache FREEEEE

and!!!! AAAAAAAA YES..........

i think sunny and babybea both get to go to normal school and they have like, similar but, different struggles re: interacting with people at school. sunny purposely distances herself from her classmates for a long time bc she's Going Through It when she and her siblings come back from the island and before they find babybea, like there's a lot of mystery around this girl who just showed up and she heavily encourages the mystery bc she doesn't have the patience to deal with anybody while she's trying to fit back into the world, her life, trying to find her sister, trying to figure out what she remembers of the past and what she doesn't. (i am team 'sunny remembers the events of canon physically more than she actually truly remember-remembers them, but remembers the island the best.' do we have metaphorical teams for how much sunny remembers of canon?) i think she.......feels like she has to contend with the legacy of not only lemony's books but geraldine's punctilio articles, more than violet and klaus. ANYWAY. all this to say, in the nature of children, certain kids have a real laser focus on kids they think are Weird Or Different and sunny fits both of those things and she's definitely 1) been in a few fights bc she reacts physically 2) grabbed a kid's arm and bit him. it was not a pleasant parent-teacher conference for violet. by high school she's probably a little better. they have babybea back and have created the extended baudelaire family unit and i think she feels a little more secure in the world. as secure as a fourteen year old can feel...........................she gets encouraged to take the culinary elective in high school.

sunny, with deep-seated certainty, while using a ruler and an enormous knife to cut petit fours in the kitchen: can't teach me anything i don't know.

but she takes it anyway. she enjoys it greatly and does, in fact, learn new things. she makes some friends.

ANYWAY. YES. BABYBEA. she's spent so much time alone, and she's good at it. she enjoys it. but she really wants friends she just doesn't quite know how to do it. she's very close to her family, and she loves them more than anyone else, but she'd like to be close to other people her own age too, it's just not something that comes very naturally to her. but she LOVES school and she really likes being around people. her interests are just. not. necessarily. aligned. with her classmates. babybea herself has been in a vfd school, after all, along with all the Lemony Snicket Was Briefly Her Guardian While Helping Her Find Her Family And I Am Sure That Was A Real Time shenanigans. she does find it easier to talk to the adults (plus sunny) in her life and it's hard for her. clearly they encourage it bc As Adults they are aware, theoretically, It Is Good For A Child To Have A Super Normal Upbringing That DOESN'T Involve, Say, Scaling A Mountain For Reasons (even though literally every single one of them has scaled a fucking mountain. babybea included.), but yeah, there ARE complicated messy feelings!!!! violet and klaus didn't really get to finish their education the way they should've. lemony and the sbg were entrenched in vfd. sunny is, see previous paragraphs. i guess it's a lot of heightened parenting emotions. is your child safe at school vs is the small child you have guardianship over safe at school and TOTALLY not going to be, say, kidnapped by the ankle one random day. are the people your children knows people they're going to be safe with? normal parenting fears vs a vfd fear. sigh. and it's not like violet and klaus easily get along with the parents of babybea's classmates bc they aren't her parents. they're siblings and they're babybea's Family. there's things they can talk about but there's still a real disconnect, you know?

meanwhile babybea is just going 'have you seen [black and white movie of your choice]??' and her classmates are going '............no??' sigh, again.

but i think she wants to join band!!!!!!! oh.....babybea as a little band kid.................so i think she learns the accordion from lemony, and either the school system she's in is That Weird (as some are) that they need an accordion or, she plays the clarinet. god she's probably drum major in high school i'm sobbing. that's precious. also babybea is like permanently 10-13ish in my head bc otherwise i get upset about the passage of time bc she's BABY goddammit so it hurts to think about her as any older than that but let's think of her as drum major in the far, far distant future.

anyway anyway band is great for her!! a lot of the other kids in her year look up to her bc she develops a wide music (and music theory) knowledge and they go to her for help a lot and she's so thrilled and so pleased and that's how she really starts interacting with other kids. eventually they talk about more than just music, but one must start somewhere. the first time she goes over a friend's house is Harrowing for the adults, but they survive. but babybea's friends LOVE going to her house bc the baudelaire household feels very comforting and homey. nothing beats a friend's homey house and violet and klaus' spirited (if minorly overbearing bc they love babybea) hospitality. they also think sunny is super cool. (everybody has a crush on sunny. she almost gets concerned about it, but she is the coolest.)

babybea's friends: your sister is THE COOLEST babybea: she's not my sister, she's my family? babybea's friends: so, like, your sister babybea: no! just. family. babybea's friends: then who's that guy lemony: ? babybea: that's my uncle. babybea's friends: so why is sunny not your sister? babybea: because!

oh! so babybea starts a book club. her friends suggest it bc the baudelaire family library is so big and has so many books and so many fun places to read, that she and her friends have a lot of fun hanging out and reading books. lemony takes the news with deep horror and trepidation. but it all works out okay. the worst the book club gets is like, a bunch of kids arguing about who gets to be which character in each book they get obsessed with. which can be vicious enough, you know. sometimes babybea gets them to sit down and watch an old movie. occasionally, in the spirit of all good book clubs, they get pizza.

#lulu talks about the sad lemon man #YOU ALWAYS GET ME WITH A GOOD ASK MAYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i think i addressed everything in here. almost everything. so many things to think about.........so many roads to take..............#i love post-canon thoughts bc i can just let my brain wander through them without TOO much overthinking. like SOME fics #/stares at my own wips as if i am not the one responsible for them OR their long notes and plot charts #i.................................don't necessarily mean to write so much every time the post-canon thoughts just get away from me.#bc it IS so nice to wander through them

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celice-13 · 5 months ago

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Cycle

Tw: Writing about social axiety, trust and abandonment issues

September 2

I met new friends online recently. It happened just like that, on a random social media. You probably think it’s stupid, that it won’t last more than a month. Yet it’s been forever since I’ve been so happy. For once, I want to believe it’s real. Not that you care anyway. I won’t even bother presenting them to you. I’ll just leave you in peace, since that’s what you’ve obviously always wanted. I don’t need you anymore anyway.

Kind regards,

The sock you threw away

September 3

I told you yesterday I wouldn’t tell you about my new friend group. You know what? I lied. I guess I just really want to talk about them. So, here goes.

First, there’s Malicia. She’s very kind, and caring. She’s always the first one to ask “how are you” and to notice if something’s off. She loves drawing animals, so she often goes on walks in the forest to practice on those she sees. She’s very good at it.

Then, there’s Theo. He’s very funny. He sends a lot of good memes on random topics, and always knows how to make people laugh, even when they’re feeling down. He loves cartoons. Apparently his parents are constantly looking down on him because of that, but he doesn’t care. I admire that a bit, to be honest.

Finally, there’s Ray. Just like their name implies, they’re a true ray of sunshine. They always use a lot of emotes in their messages, and show a lot of interest in what we say or experience. They love singing and even write their own songs from time to time. It’s nice to have someone who shares my love for writing, if only a little bit.

Maybe you think it’s creepy to know so much about people I’ve only just met. And I’ve not even told you a quarter of what I know. I’m just really eager to know as much about them as possible, so I can be a good friend. Unlike you.

Kind regards,

The book you never finished

September 7

Yesterday Malicia asked if we wanted to play Uno online with her. I couldn’t come, and they all seemed sad about it. And yet they still spent a great time together, without me. I should be happy for them, right? Yeah, I should. So why does it feel like they don’t actually need me? I hate when I think like that. And it’s all because of you.

Kind regards,

The song you stopped listening to

September 20

I messed up. Theo asked about our opinion on his favorite character from a cartoon, and I said something dumb in response. He seemed really upset that I didn’t understand his favorite character right. It made me so sad I almost felt like crying. Of course, I didn’t. Seems like you took my ability to cry away with you when you left. The other day I talked about wanting to know my friends as much as possible, but in the end it looks like it doesn’t prevent me from being a terrible friend. Why am I like this?

Kind regards,

The pen you lent and never asked back

October 3

Alright, that’s enough complaining. In case you haven’t noticed - wait, who am I kidding? Of course you didn’t - I haven’t talked to you these past few days. That’s because everything’s going well. I really got worried over nothing. Sure, Theo was a bit upset at the moment, but he didn’t mean to make me feel bad. He’s just that passionate about his interests. And a week ago Malicia offered to play Uno again, and this time I was able to join. We laughed so much the neighbors knocked on the wall to tell me to shut up (I didn’t).

I guess I really have a tendency to freak out about the smallest things. But it’s fine. Now that I’m aware of it, I’ll be more careful. I won’t lose my friends again.

Kind regards,

The old phone you discarded for the newest one

October 25

I guess I’m a big liar, huh? Being aware of my problems won’t solve them. Who was I kidding? I was away for one day and no one noticed. Of course, there were other times where I wouldn’t reply for that long because I was busy doing something else, and would get angry at anyone who’d disturb me. They probably thought I was too busy to talk again. So why does it feel so different? Why does it feel like my absence doesn’t change anything?

Sometimes I dream of disappearing for a few days, and coming back to see who noticed. But I’d be too scared to discover no one cared.

Kind regards,

The old toy you got tired of

November 6

Why can’t I be normal about friendship? Why do I always have to doubt everything? Why does the smallest message seem to imply “we don’t actually need you here, you’re not important”? I hate thinking like that, but I can’t help it. I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done, because this is all your fault.

Kind regards,

The ripped-up plush abandoned in the corner

November 15

Malicia asked me if I was doing alright. I once said she was very attentive, and yet she’s never asked before. I guess that’s because she only cares about her true friends. So I lied, and said I was alright even though each message exchanged with them feels more and more like I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not. After all, if they already don’t care much about the happy, I’m sure to be left behind if they ever meet the fucked-up me. Isn’t that what you did anyway? I guess I’ll never know. You didn’t even bother to tell me.

Kind regards,

The broken glass waiting to be dumped

November 24

It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts It

IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS ITHURTS

ITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS

I hate you.

December 1

I couldn’t talk. It’s a strange feeling, not being able to talk anymore. There are so many words stuck in your throats, so many that want to come out that they get stuck. You can’t say anything, you can’t write anything. My friends probably thought I was just being rude and ignoring them. We’re drifting apart, I can feel it. I don’t feel included in their conversation anymore, because there are less and less days where I can talk normally without feeling like I don’t deserve to be part of their group. At this point I’m just a number in the group’s stats.

Maybe I should leave. Wouldn’t that be for the best? You probably hoped I’d do that, and, when you realized I wouldn’t, you did it yourself. If I’d known, I’d have left first.

Kind regards,

The dry plant you forgot to water

December 3

I’m sorry. All this time I’ve been blaming you for my problems, but maybe I should finally admit it. It’s my fault. I was annoying, I was asking for too much attention. It became so overwhelming you had no other choice but to leave to protect yourself. You were the first person I truly felt close to, the first to truly listen to me. But I took advantage of your kindness and asked too much from you. Yeah, it really was my fault if you left in the end. So maybe it would hurt less if this time, I’m the one to leave.

Kind regards,

I’m sorry

December 5

I left. I left my friend group. Well, I guess I shouldn’t call them friends anymore, should I? I lost that right now.

It’s funny how simple it was. Just one click, and it was all over. No more doubt. No more pretending, from me and from them. Now the only thing I have left is my loneliness. But it’s fine, I’ll get used to it. I have to.

People say human beings can’t stand loneliness. But what about those who aren’t meant for relationships of any kind? I’ve destroyed every friendship I’ve ever created. I poison them. Yes, poison. I like that word. I’m toxic. I look for new friends, I get invested hoping this time it will go better, and then I start being a hindrance until I drag the ones I’m supposed to love with me. And then I leave, and the cycle restarts. I’m toxic. And it all started with you. I won’t start blaming you again. As I said, it’s my fault you left. But ever since, I’m always destroying the new bonds I forge.

So, yeah, I should probably just give up on friendship, and get used to loneliness. That way, I won’t destroy anyone again. About time I realized it, you’d say. And you’re right. I’ve caused enough damage already. It’s time to stop.

Kind regards,

The friend you left behind

July 30

Kind regards,

The one who can’t forget you

#writing #anxiety #social anxiety #trust issues #abandoment issues

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dreamcrush · 9 months ago

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for the idol identity ask game: 5 + 8 + 10. questions go to both mods + for any/as many of your kins as you want :]

5. Is there anyway your timeline differed from source? It could be a small or big thing.

erm im miker . my mika canon is rather divergent just because im uhh worse maybe. im very reclusive and not good at friends at all and really don’t have. any friends for the most part until i get put in the dorm system with ritsu. that’s because naru ended up dropping me, she got real mad at how bpd i was basically and said i was hurting her and a terrible friend and she just stopped talking to me around the same time nazunii left valkyrie too. so my whole first n second year pretty much im just all alone, and im real scared of people so i don’t really wanna make too many friends anyways. i just stay real close with oshisan and madonee and latch on to them for dear life. eventually i am real good friends with ritsu, i love him a whole lot. we might have been more than friends but i don’t super understand emotions like that so im no good at telling. i love him though i know that for truth. and i love oshi san and madonee. i don’t end up being able to forgive nazunii ever really i don’t think… like i’ve read human comedy and it’s just not quite right. there’s too much hurt there still i think for me let go of. maybe more stuff i don’t remember rn - 🏹

I just recently discovered I kin Tsumugi and it's quite a bit divergent. I think I was actually in Eden possibly? Or just another unit entirely as things with Natsume didn't go as well as hoped. I'm still remembering things and working out the issues / gaps of recollection but yeah! - 🪽

8. Who was your closest friend? Tell me about them.

as izumi my best friends are chiaki and kaoru. this is constant across a Lot of my canons and i have some rather divergent ones too. chiaki is energetic and loud and kind of gross and sweaty but as long as he doesn’t touch me i don’t give him As much of a hard time about it. he smells like boys and jumps all over people and is always eager to help and be praised and always willing to offer a listening ear or to dish out attention, which is much appreciated. he’s very emotional and not super great at thinking things through and he harbors a lot of anxiety he doesn’t like to let others know about, but i do, and kaoru does too, and we’re his friends and we help where we can. kaoru is closed off like i am, pretty faces and teasing and sweet cologne to hopefully distract you from picking out whatever is hurting in his heart. not me though, im not into him, but i see the pain settling the surface tension there, and i don’t ignore it. they take care of me more than perhaps id ever want to admit, but i take care of those two losers too. chiaki was probably one of the biggest reasons i didn’t end up offing myself or doing something otherwise seriously bad after leo left so genuinely in a way i owe him and his comfort and genuine care for me my life. and kaoru is so unsure about himself, has so much disgust and hatred built up in his heart towards his own person and i help him figure things out as best i can. i help with feelings and love in a way his family never cared to teach him, i help him figure out he likes boys, figure out he likes kanata and chiaki, figure out that it’s okay to be a little open, a little vulnerable every once in a while, that it can feel good to be close with another guy even if just as a friend, because community is good and closeness feels terrifying but healing. they’re my best friends. i love them a lot. - 🏹

Leo time- I kinda want to take this to talk a little about Mama? I don't remember him as well as I kinda wish I did? And I don't know if i'd even call him my closest friend but I do know I cared about him and things were really hard with things revolving around him but I'm starting to slowly remember a few things and he was just. very protective of me? he was protective of anyone he cared about of course but i just remember he was there to help with a lot of things. not that sena wasn't enough for me and didn't help enough but with how much i split on him and was clashed it was nice to have a friend to bounce that energy off of and that's what mama was for me. he's just a really good person deep down i think. - 🪽

10. Was there a relationship (doesn't need to be romantic) in your canon you find funny looking back on?

jun and nagisa for real. we were pretty good friends especially because of how ohiisan is, but we are from very different worlds and are very different personalities. i like video games and working out and a ton of typical boy stuff i don’t think nagisenpai was ever exposed to at all. but he likes animals and archeology and reading and quiet the likes that i’ve never really engaged with before either. i play games with him, hang out with him on downtime, practice together, rest together. ohiisans always happy to see us getting along well too, so that’s a bonus, even if he’s got his jealous streak. it’s funny though in that i expose him to a lot of internet stuff for the first time really, stuff like shooter games and memes / stupid funny shit and a bunch of new things that his autism gets kinda hung up on, i think he has fun though. and i even cater stuff to try and be more inclusive with him, or pick things i think he might like more. he likes watching me play shooters more than playing them himself, but i hear about games that have archeology functions or emphasis on different gems or bones or any of these things he’s into and im like hey let’s check it out. it’s just fun - 🏹

literally as mao my relationship with ritsu LMAO because i do not have a canon so far where i was ever with him romantically but he would always tell everyone we were or somehow convince them we were, despite me usually being with someone else romantically. i loved him obviously and sometimes it did feel like more than friendship but i wouldnt say anything deeply romantic. it just always makes me laugh how we were never romantically together to my recollection. - 🪽

#🏹 ; cherubim arrows #🪽 ; seraphim feathers #✨ ; ask game

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foxymoxynoona · 1 year ago

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Oh my god hi foxy sooo I just finished MM chapter 4 and well what can I say this is going to make me sound a little crazy but Sasha is so much better than me? I would’ve pulled a Beyoncé in Hold up, a Taylor Swift in Blank Space. In the tattoo shop. Make Naoko and JK be my number one priority. That is, in terms of hiding their bodies.

When he goes “she’s controlling, she’s jealous and she doesn’t trust me”. Okay. Sir. My guy. On behalf of all the women in the world, or at least on this blog: fuck you🫶🏻

Okay no I love jk but yeah I would’ve dumped his ass without second thoughts. And NO not because “they were on a break!!” (Sorry I rewatched friends recently lol) but you’ve been in this relationship for quite a while now, made mistakes, gone through hell and back AND STILL YOU PULL THIS BULLSHIT? Nah ah, not on my watch. I’m so happy he has more emotionally mature friends that make him realize how much of a fucking red flag he is sometimes. When he goes “she was a bitch first!!” Ugh… my boy. I honestly get his point of view. He has always felt babied and like he couldn’t make one decision on his own, so when even this grown up decision has opposition he probably feels so mad. But, in all honesty: you were lucky she was not ACTUALLY a bitch☠️. could’ve gone a lot worse. Broken some noses and shit.

I’m happy she eventually decided to be the bigger person and call him to take back what she said. “Happy” as in: jk shouldn’t be relieved, she just showed him how much more mature she is than him.

Okay now I get why 🌚 tells me I’m too attached to Sasha and that I defend her no matter what. 🤭

I’m sorry I’ve had an awful week with men that treat you like you’re shit under their shoe. JK you chose the wrong time to make be objective about this… you better run!🔪🔪🔪

🌸

One thing I find really interesting about writing Sasha is that she blows up at different times than people necessarily expect, and also that she is sometimes SO defensive and strong and other times badly in need of shelter and protection. Poor girl is building identity and emotional maturity before our very eyes, but it means we get both more explosive anger towards JK and ALSO more submissiveness in situations she might have walked away from before. Although she doesn't tend to be the one who ends relationships in her life..... 😎

I am secretly SOOOO happy when readers have a strong response and insist they wouldn't stand for bad treatment when it comes out in characters. I don't just mean here but in many of my stories. I think there's a big difference between glorifying problems or bad behavior and just showing them, and that it's a way we grow our own sense of what we will or won't stand for in our real life relationships. I definitely stayed in relationships i shouldn't have for longer than I should have, and I think it's wonderful to see strength not to do that in others. I'm not saying throw the towel in over every minor mistake, but not staying in a bad situation for whatever excuse is just such an important value lesson to learn, especially for women...

Anyway :) I'm introspective because I'm working on the next chapter LOL Always a pleasure to hear from you. Looks like you're on Michele's "gut him" team.

#🌸anon #my matryoshka #asks

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sheepisreading · 2 years ago

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Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.

#david sedaris #natasha brown #maggie nelson #james tynion iv #hermann hesse #book community #bookblr #bookish #books #book review #book isnt a word anymore

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rainbow-fairylandsystem · 2 years ago

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Hi everyone! I don’t know if anyone still reads my blog, but here’s a little life update. I’m writing this while watching my upstairs neighbors talk to the cops on the street outside my window; they fight a lot, but I guess tonight someone decided it was too much. Anyway, this is gonna be a long one, so strap in.

The last few months have been pretty rough for me. On top of seasonal depression and the trauma memories that come with seasonal shifts, a close family friend of ours died. He had ALS for around 15 years, and decided a few weeks ago that he was ready to go. It’s been extra hard because I logically know that he and I were very close when I was in my elementary and middle school years. I’ve been told this by family members, and by other system members. He was a good man, and he cared about me.

But that’s the thing about DID. I don’t get to choose what I remember. I have very, very few memories of him that hold any real emotional meaning, and I feel so guilty about it. One of our system littles, Sophie, knew him. She loved him. I discovered recently that it was always her job to care for the sick adults in my life when I was a kid. It scared me and I couldn’t cope, so Sophie did it for me. My nana was extremely sick for a long time, as was this family friend, as was my mother. Sophie was there for all of them when I couldn’t be, and now all of those memories are gone. Good and bad.

His celebration of life is coming up on the 16th, and I’ve decided not to go. The unfortunate thing about this wonderful man is that he was best friends with the man that ruined my life. I don’t think he had any idea that his best friend was a predator, just like my parents don’t. He and his wife will probably be at the celebration of life, so I won’t be going. I’m pretty sure he still thinks that I don’t remember what he did to me.

I’ve also been having a hard time with friends. A lot of my immediate memories of friends that I knew when I was in college are gone. I remember them as classmates that I sometimes hung out with. Their behavior towards me seems to suggest that we were once close friends, but I feel no real connection to them. They actually make me very uncomfortable, because they seem to know a lot more about me than I know about them. My therapist says it’s amnesia. I think I might just be an asshole.

On a more positive note, I finally quit my customer service job. I now work in an at-home administrative position for one of the music studios I teach at. I also officially have 2 students in my own private studio, which is great for my income. Since I have a degree, I get to charge $65/hour. That, along with my admin job and two other teaching jobs, adds up nicely.

So yeah, that’s the update. I have work in the morning, I gotta go to bed.

-Nimm

#dissociative identity disorder #did #actuallydid #actuallydissociati #system

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teamfortresstwo · 2 years ago

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OKAY SO!

Jonathan Sims is Viola, of course. Which would make her brother, Sebastian be Martin. (Though they aren’t siblings in this au, cause that would be odd. They’re more just close friends.)

Then, Jonah Magnus is Olivia, mourning for his dearest friend, Barnabas Bennet. (Very ooc, I know.) This causes her to reject Orsinov, in this au replaced by Robert Smirke. (Whomst I recently learned is a real person but I’m going to ignore that and say the character just has a similar name by coincidence. I’m not repeating my hamilton phase I swear-)

Anyways, that’s the main cast (at least the ones mentioned in “Play On” which is the only thing that’s important ever fr.)

So, I am a little bit torn on whether I want Martin & Jon to be from the regular TMA universe because on one hand it could lead to some fun moments and I’m a sucker for a good Jonelias Time travel au, but on the other I’m not entirely sure how it would mesh with the rest of the Twelfth Night story. Then again, it already doesn’t mesh too well considering Jon & Martin don’t look alike. In the slightest. Soooo,,,,

But that’s besides the point! This au isn’t actually about the cross dressing misidentification hijinx (which would actually be pretty fun and now I’m considering a different spin in which Jonah Magnus & Elias Bouchard play Viola and Sebastian…. But no, this is the au I’ve made and I’m going to stick to it-) this au is about my self indulgence when it comes to loving Jonah Magnus so much <333 baby girl #1 poor little meow meow deserves to end the world-

And basically, as with I’m pretty sure the original story, Jon relates to Jonah’s situation and it makes him want to grow closer. Still, Jonah is far too grief stricken to talk to anyone, so his best bet would be to be hired by Robert Smirke (which he needed to anyways cause. Poor and homeless and need money to find Martin.) But the thing is, Smirke’s only hiring Women because of old misogyny about how they’re good with emotions and men aren’t because emotions are for losers or something. (Even though Smirke spends like 75% of this au writing emotional gay poetry but shhh it doesn’t have to make sense-)

So Jon pretends to be a woman for the sake of getting the job, and is let in by one of Jonah’s servants. They grow closer and Jonah feels seen and understood as they can relate to eachother by having lost a loved one. And then Jonah starts falling in love with Jon, but Jon is far too worried about where Martin could be to notice. (And also he’s just bad at social cues, he’s just like me fr.)

But uh yeah. After that, I’m not actually sure what happens in twelfth night nor do I think it would make sense for the same to happen in this au… but. It’s an au and I love it and I’ve been thinking about it for the past 2 hours now.

Listened to “Play On” by Shaina Tub a lil too hard and now I have a TMA twelfth Night Au. Yes I do have severe brainrot for it, no it does not make sense, yes this ask is a thinly veiled ploy to get you to listen to it as well

tell me your secrets so I can join as your fandom-in-law

#this doesn’t count as a twelfth night au #I don’t think. at this point it’s more like a regancy era time travel no fears au #but whatever! that’s good enough for me

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fandom-smut-shots · 3 years ago

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Keith Kogane - I’m Not Going Anywhere

Not Going Anywhere

A/N: Modern life AU.

Also, any genders and pronouns are acceptable to request. If not specified, I default to female, because that’s the majority of reader inserts in my experience.

Summary: You’ve been dating Keith for about six months, but you’ve only recently met his group of friends. He’s worried that they each have more to offer you than he does, and his insecurities eat away at him until you calm him down.

Words: 2,063

“Your girlfriend is coming to the party, right?”

Keith froze, glancing up at Shiro where the older man stood beside the stove, preparing a pot of spinach artichoke dip. He was a disaster at cooking actual food, but he’d managed to learn to prepare dips like a boss.

“Uh…” was all the black-haired boy managed in response, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

“Come on, Keith,” Shiro chided gently, employing his best Older Brother voice. “You’ve been seeing this girl for, what, six months now? I think it’s time I met her. And what better time to introduce her to the gang than at your birthday party?”

“Do I have to introduce her to everyone?” Keith whined, glaring down at his breakfast. “Can’t she just meet you and be done with it?”

Shiro sighed, turning to argue when he caught sight of his brother’s expression. Keith wasn’t one for expressing his emotions, so Shiro had learned early on how to read the arch of his brow and the shine of his eyes. Keith currently looked crestfallen, which given the circumstances meant that insecurities were buzzing around inside his head.

“It’s going to be fine, Keith,” the older boy commented, taking a seat across from Keith at the table. “Everyone is going to love her, and she’s going to love your friends.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” was all Keith murmured before he stood, setting his cereal bowl in the sink before turning to skulk down the hallway towards his room.

“I’d love to go to his birthday party!” you squealed into the phone, balancing it between your ear and your shoulder so you had free use of your hands. “I’m almost done decorating his cake. I could bring it with me!”

“He’d love that,” Shiro chuckled on the other end. “We’re not a baking-inclined family, so it’s always store-bought cakes for us.”

“He told me he just wanted to do something simple to celebrate with me,” you returned, swirling icing atop the cake to add calligraphic decoration to Keith’s name. “I wonder why he didn’t tell me you were throwing him a party.”

“He doesn’t like being the center of attention,” Shiro reasoned.

You hummed in agreement. “That’s true.” Setting the piping bag on the counter, you paused, a frown forming on your lips. “It’s not… He wants me to come, right? He won’t be mad that you invited me?”

Shiro sighed into the receiver, and you bit your lip nervously. “He’ll be upset that I went behind his back, but I know him very well, and I think he’d enjoy the party a lot more if you were there. He’s just nervous about you meeting his friends. They can be a handful.”

“If you’re sure,” you replied. The last thing you wanted to do was upset your boyfriend while trying to celebrate his birthday. “I’ll be there. With a cake.”

“Perfect,” the man on the phone replied. “I’ll see you tonight. It’ll be great, I promise.”

You hung up the phone and set it on the counter, admiring your handiwork on your boyfriend’s cake. Exhaling softly, you tried to believe Shiro’s words. Everything would be fine.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you approached the front door of Shiro and Keith’s shared house. Carefully balancing the cake with one hand, you raised the other to knock on the door, waiting patiently but anxiously for someone to answer. The door opened to reveal Shiro, smiling widely upon seeing you on the other side.

“(y/n)! It’s so great to meet you!” he greeted enthusiastically. “I’m Shiro, Keith’s older brother. I apologize if I startled you with that phone call earlier – I wasn’t sure Keith would actually follow through and invite you.”

“He didn’t,” you giggled. “I don’t mind at all. I’ve been wanting to meet you for months.”

“Let me take that for you,” he offered, easing the cake out of your hold. He headed inside, nodding for you to follow him. You closed the door behind you, following the tall man- like seriously, how was he that tall?- into the kitchen. There stood a thicker boy, nearly as tall as Shiro, stirring and chopping like a professional chef.

“That cheese sauce smells amazing, Hunk,” Shiro complimented the cook, placing the cake on the counter.

“It’s almost done- ooh, where’d the cake come from?” the cook inquired.

“Keith’s girlfriend.”

The spoon being used to stir the cheese sauce fell to the floor with a clink, gooey cheese splashing all over the tile.

“Keith’s what?!”

The tall, tanned cook spun on his heel, a grin splitting his lips as he caught sight of you. “She’s real!”

Shiro laughed softly, stepping closer to you. “Hunk, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is Hunk, our resident chef. He shares a few classes with Keith.”

“I’m an engineering major,” Hunk explained, offering his hand. You placed your comparably tiny hand in his, giggling softly.

“It’s nice to meet you. Keith has mentioned your cooking.”

Hunk’s eyes sparkled at the confirmation that the emotionally constipated raven appreciated his food before he turned back to the stove.

“Hey, Shiro, what-“ Keith stopped in his tracks as he entered the kitchen, his eyes widening as he stared at you. “(y/n)? What are you doing here?”

“I invited her because I knew you wouldn’t,” Shiro explained.

“It’s okay that I’m here, right, babe?” you questioned, brows furrowing with worry as you took Keith’s hands in yours.

“Babe?” teased an unfamiliar voice. “Keith lets someone call him babe?” A tall, thin brunet sauntered into view, resting his elbow on your boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey, who’s the hottie? She’s- ow!”

Keith’s elbow collided with the brunet’s rib, and he stepped away.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Keith murmured, lacing his fingers with yours, but you could hear the uncertainty in his voice. You stood up on your toes, pressing your lips to his, and he melted into the gesture despite having an audience. The brunet from before whistled at the sight, and Keith pulled back with a glare in his eyes and a blush on his cheeks.

“I’m (y/n,” you introduced, offering your hand.

“The name’s Lance,” the tan brunet grinned, taking your hand in his and lightly kissing your knuckles. You simply raised a brow in response, unsurprised when Keith ripped Lance’s hand away from yours.

“She’s taken,” he growled, wrapping an arm around your waist. You giggled softly, resting your head on Keith’s shoulder.

“Is that everyone?” you inquired, looking towards Shiro.

“Hunk!” another voice called from the hallway. “Are the nachos done? I’m starving- oh, hey.”

Finally, someone not insanely tall.

“I’m Pidge,” they offered, lifting their hand to their head in a salute. “You must be Keith’s girlfriend.”

“(y/n),” you countered. “Are you another friend of his?”

Pidge stole a chip from the bowl on the table, popping it into their mouth. “If that’s what we’re calling it. I’m friends with Lance and Hunk, and they kinda forced Keith to join the group.”

“I encouraged it,” Shiro replied. “My brother needs social skills.”

“I have plenty of social skills,” Keith grumbled in response.

Lance snickered loudly, Pidge choked on a ship, and Hunk chuckled from his place at the stove.

“I got myself a girlfriend without your interference, didn’t I?” your boyfriend defended, his grip around your wait tightening.

“How did you two meet, anyway?” Pidge questioned.

“I’m an art major,” you replied. “We met in Interpretive Painting.”

“Keith takes art classes?” Lance gasped, his voice raising several octaves.

“Makes sense,” Pidge shrugged.

“Interpretive Painting?” Hunk repeated. “That sounds like fun.”

“Ah, someone who will encourage my brother to keep working on his art,” Shiro smiled. “I already love her.”

Keith used his hand on your waist to guide you away from the others, leading you to the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling you onto his lap, securing his arms around you. Your own arms wrapped around his neck, your fingers toying with his thick raven hair. His nose nuzzled into your neck as he inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of your body wash.

“Why didn’t you want me to meet them?” you inquired softly. “They seem nice.”

“Too nice,” he murmured against your skin. “They’ll take you away from me.”

You pulled away from Keith just enough to lift his head, caressing his jaw with your hand, gazing softly into his violet eyes. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

His gaze dropped somewhere behind you – a tell that the current situation made him vulnerable and insecure.

“You heard them in there. I’m not social. How many times have you told me I suck at texting back? If you hadn’t been so friendly, I wouldn’t have even been able to ask you out.”

“So?” you questioned, brushing your thumb across is cheekbone. “I’m dating you, aren’t I? If you being anti-social was an issue, I wouldn’t have said yes.”

He sighed, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “Lance is better at romance and dating. Pidge is smart, and you like a lot of the same games. Hunk can cook actual meals. They have more to offer you.”

Your heart broke at his honesty. You knew how hard it was for Keith to be so open, even with you. He must have been dreading the day you met his friends if he was this concerned about it.

Taking his face in your hands, you lifted his head until you can access his mouth. You gently pressed your lips to his, pouring your emotions into the kiss. He sighed softly against your lips, his arms tightening around your waist. You let one hand slide back to tangle in his hair, gently tugging on the strands.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised between kisses. “I love you, Keith. Befriending your friends means I get to spend more time with you and learn more about you. They’re not going to take me from you, I promise.”

“Dinner is done!” Hunk’s voice called from the kitchen.

You slid off of Keith’s lap, much to his dismay, and offered him a hand. “Come on, babe. Let’s go eat.”

He took your hand, lacing your fingers and squeezing softly as he followed you into the kitchen. Chips, cheese, meat, and vegetables decorated the table as a homemade nacho bar for everyone to dig into. Keith’s amethyst eyes danced around the kitchen, landing on an unfamiliar container on the counter.

“What’s that?” he inquired, turning his gaze to Hunk.

Hunk grinned. “(y/n) brought it.”

“It’s your cake,” you replied, shoving a fully-coated nacho into your mouth.

“You made me a cake?” Keith questioned, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

“The plan was for us to have a private party after you were done here,” you shrugged. “When Shiro invited me, I figured I might as well bring the cake.”

Keith dipped his head, pressing a loving kiss to your lips. Lance and Pidge cat-called from somewhere behind you, but Keith didn’t seem to mind. Shiro smiled from behind Keith, shaking his head softly.

After dinner and cake were thoroughly enjoyed, you followed Keith and his friends to the living room to watch movies. He sat on the couch and you reclaimed your place on his lap, snuggling into his chest. His hands intertwined with yours, his fingertips brushing your knuckles, and you peppered soft kisses to his jaw, reminding him that you were his.

While everyone was enthralled in the movie, you turned to face your boyfriend. You untangled a hand from his in order to lift it to his face, cupping his cheek. He turned his gaze from the movie to look at you, a soft expression in his eyes that only you were allowed to see. You shifted in his lap, pulling his lips down to yours. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, gently nipping at your lower lip with his teeth. You were tempted to give in until you recalled your company, reluctantly breaking the kiss and settling back against his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you murmured softly, squeezing his hand as you watched the movie. The kiss he pressed to the side of your head told you that he understood, and while you knew his insecurities wouldn’t be magically washed away, you also knew that he was trying and that was more than enough for you.

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #voltorn x reader #keith kogane #keith x reader #keith kogane x reader #reader insert #fluff

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