#anyway wanna vent about physics rn

[o0o0thorn0o0o]

I wish I could have but even a fraction of Orihime’s imagination… Couldn’t think of anything better than Ichigo being a secret agent, haha.

Wanted to post one final thing before my break, and I guess I wanted a soft sketch or something which then turned into a mini-comic of sorts. Speaking of break…:

It’s time for my (planned ^^;) annual month-long break. Feels so soon since my three-month…hiatus, but ah, what can I do?

I’ll still be here, like last year, but not as frequently and won’t be posting much of my own work if at all. Nothing digital, that’s for sure. Again, tryna take a break from my iPad for better habits and focus on other stuff rn. Maybe traditional sketches, but I said that last year, and how’d that turn out? Eheh…

[hiodoshi-ao]

.

[chibishortdeath]

So much happening in the world and in my personal life at once and I am completely unable to do anything about any of it. I am completely exhausted. I need to move out, but I can’t.

I’ve been stuck with a headache for a few months.

[thenumber-e]

Wifeyyyyy! Tell me about Craig's sports Hobbies? Or Hobbies in general:3

ok feeling shitty rn so this’ll (hopefully) get my mind off of stuff

anyways oh boy there are SO many of these that i have this is gonna get long i think

starting off with sports, i feel like he’d be an active guy. not like gym bro buff craig kinda stuff you see, he’s definitely a lanky beanpole. but i feel like he does a few sports so has a bit of muscle

first off, basketball. i’m a truther for this one, i don’t see it a lot tho. like, i hc him as being pretty tall, and i don’t have much like canon advice to back this up but that and the fact that there’s a basketball in his garage in tsot- but i think it jus fits him tbh. and also because it’s funny, he’s a total fucking loser nerd, but since yk i’ve gotta stick to canon sometimes, he’s technically popular and attractive, he definitely has like a jock alter-ego or smth stupid like that LMAO

he definitely seems like a hockey guy. like- the enforcer is so him. he’d totally wanna beat people up just cus he can. also i think he’d be a really good skater- i think he’s a pretty well balanced person physically. also, i see kyle as doing hockey, and they’re definitely close. i just see them being friends making sense, so now theyll have a sport together. also- because im insane, ike does hockey too and kyle and craig help him practice

i believe i’ve seen this once, but yk. i always see boxer tweek and don’t get me wrong i love that, but i feel like craig would continue doing martial arts afterwards too. like he’s canonically a violent and angry guy, but he’s kinda mellowed out, and i feel like that’s him just holding it back or smth cus he gets in trouble alllll the time. tweek also probably scolds him for it. but i feel like it would be a good way for him to get out any extra emotions, because he is NOT good at expressing those. also, back onto lanky criag, he’s got long limbs, and i feel like that’s good for someone to do martial arts (trust me im projecting) also, that’s also why he has good balance i feel.

alright, done with sports, just normal hobbies.

starting off, he’s 100% a music guy. i see stuff about him preferring podcasts over music, but i see him as a total music guy. in @panicatthecourtx more recent posts, she kinda went over that stuff, but because yk, im the craig ceo i’ll go over it too. i call it dad rock cus thats what my dad listens to, but he definitely listens to nirvana, ac/dc, weezer, that kinda stuff. he’s just a nerd. but i feel like he’d also have music as a way to vent in some sort of way? idk if it makes sense this is just how my brain works, but when he’s stressed, overstimulated, or just down in the dumps he zones out and just listens to music. he’s also just a nerd

space, duh. he could go on and on about that shit for hours. he can make every constellation, am every galaxy, all the nebulas, and basically anything. especially black holes. they fascinate him, he finds them so interesting and yk. is a nerd about em. ik it doesn’t really tie in with space stuff but i’ll put it here, he definitely loves conspiracy theories, especially ones about aliens and stuff. he thinks of his own all the time. especially about other space related things. also, back to conspiracy, death absolutely fascinates him. he just want to know what happens after that.

this is a basic one, but sleeping. he’s the heaviest sleeper ever, literally sleeps 24 fuckin 7

he’ll never admit it, but he kinda likes school. not because he likes sitting around all day or listening to teachers drone on and on, it’s because usually he can talk about things. in classes he enjoys, it’s his favorite thing ever. i also see him as that one kid who literally never studies or pays attention and yet has all A’s in every class.

he’s 100% a reader. he can zone out and not lay attention to anything. he gets lost in books all the time and it’s so nerdy but he loves it. it’s almost like an escape from reality which he likes. he’d never admit it, but he frets stressed pretty easily so he enjoys the way to just be alone in his own world. this also ties in with the music hc- he probably listens to music while reading. he also just zones out a lot in general

this also kinda feeds into music headcanons but he skateboards. he just gives me 90s grunge/kurt cobain vibes and youll never change my mind on this. he thinks he’s so fuckin cool but he’s just some random ass lame kid but he gets away with it cus he’s mildly popular or whatever. but he definitely has a little mini skateboard for stripe

why do these headcanons keep feeding off of each other? i dont know but yk its ok. craig fucking loves mini things. it’s definitely iconic, cus my craig is really tall and has big ass hands. but small things remind him of tweek (my tweek is like 5’8 so compared to him yeah kinda short) but he’s just gay and loves anything and everything that reminds him of tweek

i’ve also realized i don’t need a really detailed description for everything so yeah uhh (don’t mind this it’s my train of thought)

he collects shit he has the most random stuff in his room. random lego pieces he found that he thought were cool, a shit tom of rocks, different leaves, little trinkets, anything space related, stickers, just stupid stuff. those are just the basics, but he has soooo much stuff

he loves making detailed lists and ordering them and stuff

going on hikes he loves hiking he just loves the outdoors tho

stargazing is a must. he loves it and has specific times and places for them

from like a singular scene in like on episode, he plays the fuckin violin cus he’s cool like that yk. because friends, he and wendy practice together- a friend headcanons that she plays the flute, so yk it works.

hanging out with friends is a must. especially clyde they have the bromance ever they’re so lovey dovey best friends

it’s like 2am and i’m getting lazy so here ya go this isn’t even half but alas it’s ok so have fun with my stupid ass spews ty for ur time

[herri-writes]

Unfortunate for Love

Hiiro Amagi x Reader

Note: I can imagine Aira fake vomiting whenever the reader saw Hiiro with their non-existent 20/20 vision and vice versa. This was inspired from the shenanigans that me and my friends had done in real life. I am a stupid dumbass whose eyesight is literally a 10/10 and 15/15 when I saw my ex-crush from the distance lmfao. Anyways, I can be Aira or the reader and he's a literal mood. I tried making this as a comedy but somehow failed. I'm bad at making things really funny to be honest but atleast I'm trying through writing. Curse this writer's block for making my imagination limited and classes for taking me too long to finish this. Because of this, most of them are ooc and I wanna die. Let me finish this in peace....

btw, happy belated valentines. Warning: Swearing. I swear I rally need to write "No swearing at my written works" at my new year's resolution.

"Seriously, (Name)? You have a crush on that caveman idol senior of mine?" You hesitantly nodded at your underclassman's question and you shushed him, "Don't call your upperclassman and leader like that, Shiratori. It's not nice." "I know but that's when I didn't know that he's a year older than me. It's a habit." You sighed at his retort. Well, he's not wrong though. He never knew anything about idols before but he's a fast learner when it comes to things— physically and academically but sometimes logically. He is a child who is stuck in a body of a 17 year-old. Currently, you're here in the Idol Course and outside Aira's classroom, talking the day away. The reason why you're here it's because you're currently producing for ALKALOID today in Yumenosaki and later at Ensemble Square until their live ends. Instead of asking the unit about what kind of performance they'll have for their live, you're here asking Aira about their leader, Hiiro Amagi, which that made Aira nearly fake vomit in front of you while swooning over their leader. (W/N: The better, the cutest, the most precious, the scrunkliest, my beloved, and my favorite Amagi.) "Anyways, why did you talk to me when there's Senior Arashi to talk to when it comes to topic about love? You're telling me almost everything you like about him." Aira asked you and leaned on the wall, facepalming while mentioning one of the members of Pretty 5, the circle he is in at Ensemble Square. You deadpanned, "Is there anyone else who is close to Amagi that I can talk to here in Yumenosaki?" "There is... one or two. Senior Tetora is in the dojo at this time of hour, as what Hiiro had told me or either with Ryuseitai at Ensemble Square practicing and Senior Mayoi is in the walls or in the vents, listening to us right now." Aira pointed the ceiling. You look up and blinked. There is a vent above you two. As if on cue, the vent on the ceiling popped up open and someone fell from it and landed on you. Aira, for who is really unfortunate since the beginning, finally smiled because the lady luck is on his side. Unfortunately for you, you forgot to bring the lucky charm Tsumugi gave you and lady luck is avoiding you ever since the gods know when. Coincidentally, your favorite astrology tv show just announced that your sign will be unfortunate for the month and your lucky charm to avoid misfortune is a significant other, which you considered bullshit. (W/N: life isn't rabu~i for me rn. Leave me alone.) Feeling the weight on your back, you felt the same feeling of deja vú where you couldn't leave the floor and get attatched to it. Your life flashed before your eyes when you were so sure you can see stars in front of you or the stars from Trickstar's live, sparkly and it's everywhere in sight. You lost consciousness as you heard panicked noises coming from someone on top of you. "M-M-M-My apologies, (Name). I fell on top of you. How cruel of me..." Mayoi said as he got off of you. You remaind lying on the floor and didn't move. Your soul left your body long ago. The heart and the clover began to panic because a producer lied on the floor, making it seem like a crime scene. Your hand left a message from your hand and it was written, "Mayoi". The moment the two heard footsteps from afar, they became pale. They don't want to be caught by anyone and be reported to the student council. Aira feared that ALKALOID will be having a field day after this that he panicked. "Eek! Senior Mayoi, help me carry (Name) to the infirmary and quick!" "I-I couldn't let my filthy hands touch (Name)! They're too pure to be stained by someone so filthy like me...!" "Stop degrading yourself and help me! We're going to have a field day with this—" "What's going on here?" They hesitatntly turn to where the voice came from and prepare to meet their doom. A wave of relief washed onto them when they saw a certain redhead that they knew all to well before their debut. Aira nearly bawled his eyes out in desperation and he could see the angels blowing their trumpets around him. A savior from the heavens above, he thought. "Hiiro, please help us! (Name) died when Senior Mayoi fell on top of them!" Aira panicked as he stood there and pointed on your lying body on the ground. Mayoi stuttered and began to degrade himself and mentioning on not to forgive him. It was indeed incoherent to others but his fellow unitmates understand him well. "Wha—?! (Name)-dono died?! How?!" Someone popped up from the corner of the hallway, scaring the blonde soldier. Poor Aira is going to have a field day the moment he saw Shinobu and boy, he is so scared when he knew that the ninja will be reporting this incident to the student council president. "No more questions! Let's take them to the infirmary, immediately!" Aira exclaimed but Hiiro went to a head start as he carried you in his arms and ran away from the crime scene. "I don't think you need to do it..." Shinobu dropped a sweat and pointed to something behind Aira. Aira turned around and deadpanned as he watched his leader running away with you in his arms. "Never mind. That caveman left before we get a stretcher for (Name)."

You open your eyes to see the all-familiar ceiling above of you. You were sensing a familiar feeling of deja vú right now and is following Anzu's footsteps. How unlucky you were this year unlike the last year when luck gave you a chance to do live peacefully. Where is the lucky four-leaf clover when you need one? Your back pained from the impact Mayoi gave you. 'Is this what Senior Anzu felt when Senior Ogami landed on her back after he jumped off the stage back then?' You thought and let out a long, heavy sigh. "Oh, you're finally awake." You turn your head to see those azure eyes staring at you, innocently. You blinked to see if it was one of the side effects of the impact— that was until you pinched his cheek and unfortunately, the answer is no. You're not hallucinating or dreaming. It's real. It's all real. Realizing this, your natural, pale skin became pink as Tori's hair and turned into a bright shade of red— as red as the Amagi brothers' hair. "(Name), are you alright? Do you have a fever?" Your words couldn't come out and remained stuck in your throat as he laid his hand on your forehead. It was soft and warm, you thought. You wanted to slap yourself for spacing out right in front of your crush but you couldn't. You froze on the spot and waited for him to leave. "Hm, seems like you're not. Are you alright? Are you still hurt?" He bombarded you with questions to make sure you're okay. You wanted to nod but you're remained frozen. "I'll call Mr. Sagami to check on you again. I'll be right back." And he left. Congratulations, you made your crush leave the infirmary and look for the teacher clad in a doctor's coat, smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. You immediately rise up from your lying position and gripped the sheets in fear. You began to process everything from what happened outside Aira's classroom to the present. Starting from the part where you tell Aira on what you felt about Hiiro, Mayoi falling from the vents at the ceiling, you fainting and became unconscious, someone carrying you to the infirmary, and Hiiro waiting for you to wake up as he looked at you like a child waiting for the plant to grow after their first time planting one on a flower pot. 'Amagi carried me here?!' You mentally screamed and panicked. You hastily left the bed and made a mad dash out of the infirmary. The way you left made it seem like a classic horror movie when you screamed and nearly bumped into someone. You thought it's Death coming to get you but nearly fainted when you finally know who. "Whoa, slow down (Name). What's the rush?" It's Mao. You grabbed Mao's shoulders and gripped it tight and looked at him, desperately trying to run away from something— or someone. Mao sweat dropped and looked at you, confused. "You just got out of the infirmary and heard about it from Sengoku, Shiratori, and Ayase. Is something else the matter?" You surrender and release him from your otherworldly grip you gave to Mao's shoulders. You felt like crawling into a hole and die there as you walk back to the infirmary and return to the bed you just lied on and sulked. Mao seemed concerned of you as a senior. He wasn't sure on how to tell Anzu about your current predicament. Yes, she is your fellow producer and your senior but wasn't sure on what kind of situation you are in. He tried to guess everything until he heard you muttering under the sheets. "I acted stupidly..." You muttered. He wasn't sure if he heard it right. "President... what would you do if you have a crush on someone?" Well, that wasn't expected. Mao felt the blush creeping up this face to that question you asked him. He tried to look for an answer but instead, he gulped it all in and breathed heavily. "To be honest, I don't know." He hesitantly replied as he scratched the back of his neck. It was quite confusing indeed when the topic is about crushes unless you understand and relate to them. You revealed yourself under the blanket and sat there, looking away from Mao. You inhaled deeply and exhaled to calm yourself down. "Actually—" Your words cut off when you heard someone entering the room. You turn your head to see Mr. Sagami walking his way towards you and checked on you. "You're quite lucky you're alright. I can clearly remember what happened to Anzu the first day she got here." He chuckled. Mao chuckled nervously at the memory. Well, that was the time before she signed herself to become Trickstar's producer and help them rise up to form a revolution and defeat fine, which led them to step up to the shining stage at DDD.” Mr. Sagami continued and teased, "Who knows, maybe it's your turn to follow her footsteps and make ALKALOID shine like how Trickstar did last year." "Mr. Sagami..." You look down in embarrassment. Hiiro popped up from behind the teacher and looked at you. Mao saw that and he was so sure he is like a child in a teenager's body. '(Name) is quite lucky to be ALKALOID's producer. ALKALOID is also lucky to have them.' "Anyways, it seemed like you're fine and recovered fast. Rest here and you can leave after school hours." Mr. Sagami said and turned to Hiiro and Mao. "Watch over them and don't let them leave." He left the room and excused himself to leave. He is a busy teacher, after all. "Well, I better get going. I have work to do in the office. Watch over her, Amagi." Mao said and left the infirmary. He is a busy student council president, after all. Your eyes widen in sudden realization. With Mr. Sagami and Mao left the room and gone, it's just you and Hiiro in the infirmary. You and Hiiro Amagi. The silence suffocated you after Mao left. You broke the ice and asked him, "Hiiro, don't you have practice after this?" He shook his head and answered, "Practice is cancelled today because Mayoi hid somewhere and Aira is looking for him and Tatsumi is having a check-up right now." "...I see..." Your hopes went downhill, much to your chagrin. You lied down on the bed and waited for the day to end. You're all alone with your crush, sitting on the chair beside the bed and watched over you. You know how he looked at you. Those are nothing but pure innocence unlike those eyes his brother has. All of a sudden, you felt safe now that Hiiro is here. You mentally facepalmed yourself and waited for the day to end like nothing had happened.

"It's a good thing that you're alright, (Name)." Anzu comforted you the next day at the staff dining room. It's a bright Saturday morning so you had time to work with Anzu as a producer at Ensemble Square. "Somehow, it reminded me of the day before I met the others and knew about what fine had done in the past. Stars who are revolutionarists fighting the heavenly orchestra. Now, this time, card soldiers battling the buzzing bees who are complete misfits." She chuckled, making you blush. History repeats itself, they say. "Not to mention, you began to fall for one of them. You better be lucky that it's not an ex-flirt or a parental figure wannabe or a buzzing gambler you're falling for." She sighed. You nearly choke and spat your hot mocha when you knew who it is. You raised your brow in annoyance and she wasn't wrong. It's your first year as a student of Yumenosaki Academy and a fortunate one to work as a producer in Ensemble Square and you're glad you knew almost everything about the rest of the units from your upperclassman and senior, Anzu. "Anyways, I have to go. 2wink is calling for me." Anzu stood up from her seat and left. You waved her goodbye and watched her leave until someone kidnapped her and brought her somewhere to god knows where. In a panic, you stood up from your seat and chased them. You stopped when the doors of the elevator closed and saw it going up. You rushed to the flight of stairs nearby and stopped in front of the elevator to check where the lift will stop. Surprisingly, it stopped at the 18th floor. Tired from all of the running, you heard a ding from the elevator. What revealed is a pair of familiar ginger-haired twins exiting the lift. You deadpanned when you realize that it's 2wink who kidnapped her. 'Seriously?' You deadpanned at the sight of the twins carrying her with most ease. You look at Anzu and her face was completely written in "A deja vú, indeed". The twins still carried Anzu all the way inside to CosPro office, making you offer your condolences and hoped that she won't receive the same fate as you do few days ago at StarPro— to which you tried to ignore and forget it out of embarrassment. You entered the elevator and pressed the 20th floor button. Just as before the doors close, a foot stopped it from closing and automatically opened to reveal the older Amagi. You held your breath in absolute fear that you felt like you're turning blue from the loss of oxygen. You can see that snarky smirk etched on his face, a face that you wanted to punch so badly. You pressed the stop button on the controls because you are so sure that he's not going inside the lift when you saw a smirk that is so perfectly drawn on his punchable face. "Heh, what do we have here? It's the lil' producer. Nice to meet ya lil' sibling-in-law." Heh...? Little... sibling-in-law...? "You have two options Mr. Amagi. Enter the lift if you wanted to go up and see your brother or step back and leave me alone because I'm not in the mood to entertain you and I'm late for the meeting with Trickstar." You blankly glared at him. The wave of fear that washed over you a moment suddenly returned back to the ocean in your conscience. Hearing his signature hyena laugh after your retort made you glare at him even more. You wanted to kick him but you don't want to lose your dignity as a student and a producer. Him being a leader of a unit makes it even worse. What if you'll be reported to the deputy leader of CosPro? What if you'll be banned from working in Ensemble Square. You shook your head to remove the negative thoughts and calmed yourself down. "Er, I just show up to greet my brother's future partner and to warn ya 'bout his relationship with his little girlfriend." He remembered what he was supposed to tell you and your heart sank when you heard the word girlfriend. "For the last time, I'm not his girlfriend!" You heard Aira outside and that made Rinne snicker in amusement. "Welcome to my brother's harem, (Name)." He grinned at you again as he stepped away from the lift. He waved goodbye as he entered the office while letting out his hyena-like laugh and cackled. You gave him mental insults in return while you saw his figure disappear in the distance. You sighed as you exited the lift and you bumped onto someone, which made the other alarmed. "Whoa, (Name). We're heading to the same location." You look up to see the last person you wanted to see. "Why are you leaving the elevator?" Those cyan eyes, those innocent-looking cyan eyes made you stare at him. You are trying to hold the urge not to blush right in front of the younger Amagi. You are aware that the older Amagi is watching from the office and witnessed everything that unfolded. You cleared your throat to look away from him. "R-Right," you stuttered. "Amagi, Shiratori, please enter the lift first." They did as you said and you followed them. As the three of you are inside the lift, you pressed the button to close the doors and pressed the button with the number 20 on it to go up. The silence is completely deafening to you in the lift. You fiddled your thumbs to not to lose your patience and prayed to the gods to save the remaining amount of your sanity— which is an ounce. You prayed for an ounce before. Why not a few grams or a pound? Those seconds felt like an eternity and you are getting impatient. You closed your eyes and slowly breathed to calm yourself down until the lift stopped. Your body felt light that when it shook, you lost your balance that you tumbled down. Your back didn't felt the impact to the floor but you felt a pair of arms holding you with ease. Aira fake vomited because he saw a potential love story incoming. He is so going to see this happening in Hold Hands when someone caught these soon-to-be-lovebirds flirting in front of the heart soldier. Life is so not lovely for Aira right now. An irritated look was etched on the blonde's face. He is giving judgemental quarter French stares behind you two. "Are you alright, (Name)?" Hiiro asked you as he helped you up. You nodded and briskly walked out of the elevator to avoid him. Hiiro tilted his head in confusion and walked out of the elevator and Aira followed him all the way to the office. That irritated look was still evident on Aira's adorable features. He's going to get wrinkles at this rate and for sure Arashi and Hiyori will point that out once they have a circle meeting. Your meeting with Trickstar went well in the meeting room but you are too shy to talk normally like you always do to your friends who are in the same age and year as you. These upperclassmen are the revolutionarists who took down the angels of the heavenly orchestra at the finals of the first DDD in Yumenosaki last year. You were expecting that they are serious but YOU ARE COMPLETELY WRONG. You began to wonder how the hell did Anzu tolerate this unit which it contains of two idiots and two brains— one is obsessed with anything sparkly and shiny and one is who seemed cool and smart but is an actual idiot whose brain is a size of a plankton and both are sons of solo idols— one is at six feet under and one is going strong, an ex-model that was always obsessed by his senior from Knights and a gamer, and an overworking StuCo president with natural talent that was always attached by someone also from Knights. You are literally selling your body, mind, and soul to this job. You're expecting hell but this... is a circus, which you heard from her.

But seeing them on stage is literally making the whole venue sparkling and shining. Was it because of the son of "that" Akehoshi? Because of Seiya Hidaka's son? Because of the current StuCo president who took the title and responsibility from the current manager of Ensemble Square and Starmaker Production? Or was it because of that gamer/ex-model that was an actual beauty behind those blue frames of his glasses? Turns out, it was because of their growth from this past year with a help of a producer and their growth as a unit. It was all proven that BIGBANG and it made your eyes sparkle in delight. "(Name), can we talk for a moment?" It's Mao. You nodded and he sat down beside you. You remember the question you let out to that said StuCo president and you always avert your gaze whenever he talked to you. If only, if only you didn't ask him that question back then, none of this had happened. 'Gods... why am I so unfortunate since yesterday?' "To answer your question from yesterday, I think it depends on the person. Most of the answer you'll get from me is coming from cliché romance mangas." He chuckled awkwardly and apologized. You told him that it's alright and sighed but it was cut short when a certain ginger caught its attention to this and asked Mao. "(Name)'s asking for an advice? About what?" Your eyes met with his reef blue ones. Mao hesitantly answered, "Love advice... I have no experience to that or to any of us here. Why not ask someone from UNDEAD, Eve, Knights, or Switch?" Makoto shuddered at the mention of the unit name where his senior who was completely obessed with him as long as he could remember. "Hardly doubt for those. What about Crazy:B or fine?" Hokuto chimed in and everyone except him shrugged at the names of the units he mentioned. "What? That masked perv— I mean Hibiki of fine has experience to that." Hokuto internally grimaced as he mentioned the name of his senior from Dramatica. "What about ALKALOID?" Mao asked you and you felt like imploding as you heard that name. Just as you're about to tell them to drop that conversation down, someone fell from the ceiling and landed on the floor outside of the meeting room. You saw who it was because the door is wide open and it was forgotten to close by either Subaru or Hokuto who arrived a little later after Mao and Makoto that you banged your forehead to the table and that scared Trickstar. You weren't surprised who fell from the ceiling and you knew who it was. "Huh? Isn't that Mayoi Ayase from ALKALOID?" Subaru looked at the violet-haired clover soldier lying on the floor outside of the room. "Mayoi? Are you here?" A voice outside of the meeting room called for Mayoi. It was then revealed a certain red head that you wished to see last. Luckily for you right now, your soul flew away from your body the moment Mayoi "showed up" outside the room in the most surprising way possible. Aira showed up behind Hiiro and apologized profusely and dragged Mayoi away from them. 'Well, damn, I hope he didn't hear everything...' Actually, Mayoi heard all of those since the beginning.

Your next schedule is meeting with ALKALOID and it dreaded you. You felt like diving into the depths of hell the moment you saw that unit's name on your schedule. Seems like your luck washed away the moment you saw that TV show about your zodiac sign being unlucky for a month. Now, all you need is a partner for life, the one who could make your unluckiness wash away for life, which you let out a loud groan as you chided in your thoughts. Luckily, this isn't about work so you're rest assured. Well, you don't need one right now now that you brought one of the lucky charms that Tsumugi gave you when you produce for Switch few months ago. You forgot that you have it in your pocket for the whole time today due to work. At least the bad luck won't come to you right now. "(Name)! It's been a while!" Just as you jinxed it... "Uchuu~" Someone pounced on you from behind with full force that you both fell to the cold floor. You made sure to protect your face from the fall or you'll have a broken nose and unconscious when it hits your head. With a loud thud from the fall, all of the papers spread around you. "U-Uchuu..." You felt someone straddled on your back and smacked your back a few times as if he's patting your back and forgot to control his strength. "Mr. Tsukinaga, why are you here outside Café Cinnamon? Aren't you supposed to be with the others? " You groaned out and asked the person on your back. "Whahahahaha! I came here to visit my favorite junior producer." Leo laughed and smacked your back multiple times. You could feel the oxygen in your system flying away at a single smack you received from him. "You look like a pancake right now! Inspiration! Inspiration is flowing— No! Overflowing! Whahahahaha!" "Mr. Tsukinaga, before you could—" You could feel the weight on your back lifted away from you and followed by nagging. "Leo, didn't I tell you not to disturb your underclassman? Look at what you did to them. Soooo annoying~" 'So, I guess I'm saved...?' You thought but you could see the sly smirk drawn on his face even without seeing it. 'I guess I'm not...' You wanted to punch, slap, or scratch his face but you'll get sued for that so you let him do what he wants. You slowly stood up and picked the papers on the floor. You saw two other hands helping you picking them up. It's Arashi and Tsukasa. What is Knights doing here, you asked. Well, they're looking for a certain ginger-haired composer who is wandering around ES to look for inspiration and somehow fate dragged him closer to you. "Senaaaa~ let go of me!" Leo flailed his arms and struggled to leave Izumi's hold on his collar. "I just found a perfect inspiration! Let me compose it!" "Not until we return to the practice room, Leo. Leave (Name) alone so they could work properly." Izumi said and dragged Leo as he walked away. What is it with you and gingers today? You heard Leo scoffed from the distance and pouted, "Pretty sure that (Name) could help me in this one for Valentines' Day live. I mean, isn't crushing on someone could be useful for Knights' next song? It's about a young maiden who fell in love with a soldier— Aha! I can see it coming! Inspiration! Inspiration is overflowing! Senaaaaa! Let me compose it~!" Oh you were in for a punch. You exhaled and thanked the other two knights for helping you picking up the papers. Now you're going to sort this out... again, much to your dismay. Before you could charge towards Leo, a door in front of you opened. You just remembered that you're right in front of Café Cinnamon's entrance. What revealed behind the door is the saint, the missionary, the priest himself, Tatsumi Kazehaya, the diamond card soldier of ALKALOID. You could recognize him well because of his teal hair, violet eyes, and two moles lined up perfectly under his left eye. "My, (Name), you're right on time. Come inside." He gestured you to come inside the practice room and you excused yourself to enter. The moment you entered the café, you felt the dread hitting you once again but this time, it felt like a storm surge the moment your eyes met his again. You felt like a meltdown is coming to a close and breaking down on the moment you saw that bright red clump of hair and shining azure orbs behind its innocent frames from the windows of his soul. As if you're trying to look away, a song automatically played in your mind in random. Those ocean blue eyes looking at yours made you felt that you might sink and drown and die. Your right eye twitched the moment you both locked gazes in silence and your brows burrowed in annoyance. How many times have you locked gazes with him? One? Ten? Fifty? Only the gods knows how many times you've done that with him. Bestie, he didn't do anything to you and he's sitting on the sofa right beside Aira. Boy, you could've seen his brows burrowing and eyes twitching because you are literally in the same room with ALKALOID's leader. You broke the staring contest with Hiiro and cleared your throat. You took a seat and began to have a conversation with them, which was quite rare for you because you've spent a lot of time being trained by your upperclassmen at the producer course and guided by the other units for most of the time. "Heya, (Name)! Here, have some tea." Niki placed a teacup on a saucer on the table. Before you could say a word, he interrupted you with a grin. "Doncha worry. Someone paid it for ya~" He waved as he walked away and returned to the counter. Strange, for someone to mysteriously buy you tea before you arrived here. Whoever this is, you're so going to repay them something in return as a mark of gratitude. "Before I could say something about your next live, do you have any questions you wanted me to answer?" You asked them and Hiiro raised his hand like a good student. "What is your question, Amagi?" You picked up the cup from the handle and sipped meekly. "It's actually everyone's question for you but... Are you alright? You seemed down since yesterday?" You accidentally choked and spat your tea at his question. "Whoa— (Name), are you okay?" Aira worriedly asked you and sat beside you. He patted your back to calm yourself down while you coughed up to subside the pain in your throat. "My apologies, everyone... No need to worry. I am alright." You said to reassure them but instead of seeing their relieved expressions, it was full of worry. "A-Are you sure, (Name)? Was it because of me falling on top of you yesterday?" Your eyes widen at Mayoi's question and he saw it. "M-My apologies, (Name)! I didn't get to apologize to you yesterday because I was scared that you'll hate me...! You're our producer until after ALKALOID's live and I hurt you... I'm sorry. I'm sorry...!" He began to panic and frantically apologized. "No, no! None of this is your fault, Mayoi. None of this is your mistake in the first place—" You tried to calm him down by telling him that none of this is his fault but he kept apologizing. "But I hurt you..." "Mayoi, I forgive you so please, calm down..." You sighed in defeat. You tried to reassure him but nothing worked. So, to prove that none of it is his fault, you told them about your worries yesterday. "Actually, it's because of my luck decreasing year by year. Now, it happened every month and it lessened it to a week. It bothered me ever since the month started that I have no other choice but to carry a lucky charm with me— which I forgot almost every day and finally have an ounce of luck when it's always in my blazer's pocket." You confessed. Everyone at the whole table went quiet and listened to you. "Yesterday morning, there is this tv show that it said that my zodiac sign is going to be unlucky until I have the lucky charm— which is a significant other. I didn't even believe at that kind of stuff but somehow, I ended up having the same amount of luck with someone I knew." In New Dimension's office, a sneeze was heard. "Bless me..." He chuckled afterwards and continued his work. Silence. There was mere silence. You broke the ice. "So, now I've answered your question and you've heard all of my worries, any more questions?" "(Name), it's nice to know about your worries and let the weight in you released. It's alright to tell us about your problems. We'll help you." Tatsumi said and you shook your head. "I didn't want anyone else to be bothered by my problems, Mr. Kazehaya. You can forget what I had just said and move on to our discussion for the next live." You began to discuss about the stage setting, their outfits, and the number of people coming to see their performance. Hiiro listened like a child listening to its parent's wonderful and interesting story but his mind wandered to such places. His braincells rubbed on to each other as he began to contemplate on how to protect you from every worst case scenario possible that will occur to you because of your bad luck. Unfortunately for him, you're at the different building and at the different course. You could only visit them after school hours once you have the time or to have a meeting with any unit on campus. But in ES, you could only see the whole unit if you're producing for them full-time or past-time. Mostly, you would be focused on work and rarely had the time for a leisure. He knows that. He knows he couldn't protect you if he wanted to. Gladly, Anzu and Kurone is there with you at the Producer Course to that's a good one for you. But sadly, you're a year apart with Anzu and you're in a different class from Kurone. So that's a cross mark on his list. If there's only a way to protect you, then it'll be just being with you anywhere you go— when he have free time of course. The other braincells of his thought on how to shoo that bad luck away from you. If he's going to use one of the rituals his hometown did to remove the bad luck away from you, it'll be good for you but isn't sure if it's actually that good for you. It's an another cross mark on his list. Another one is him telling you to follow the instructions given to you from what the text on the TV told you. He knows that you don't believe at that but it's worth giving a try, right? "...gi... Amagi? Are you listening to me?" Hiiro was deep in his thoughts that he could barely hear anything around him. He kept thinking and thinking but nothing good came into his mind. "Amagi? Amagi, the meeting is over." You waved your hand in front of his face to check if he's awake. But no, he spaced out and his mind wandered to the gods knows where. You look at Aira who rested his head on the table, tired for today's work and sighed all of his problems away. You felt his tiredness from here and somehow, it added to yours. "I knew I shouldn't stayed up late last night researching..." He quietly muttered. 'I think it's better not to disturb him...' "Hm? Hiiro seemed to be deep in thought. I have a feeling it's not about the discussion but it seemed like it's something else." Tatsumi pondered and you look at him. "I wonder what was this one about this time...?" You sighed again. You wanted to wake him up from his trance but he suddenly stood up and shouted from the top of his lungs. "I got it!" His eyes sparkled and huffed out of determination. Aira jolted up from his resting position and sleepily panicked. "Wh-What's going on...?" "Aira, I finally thought of something! Come with me!" Without hesitation, Hiiro took Aira's hand and dragged him out of the café, leaving their seniors stunned from the sudden burst of excitement from their leader. "Oh dear... Amagi, please give Shiratori a break from your shenanigans... You're just like your brother." You uttered with a sigh and facepalmed. Poor Aira's going to have a field day after this. "I'll be heading off. It's getting dark out here and I have to catch up with Anzu." You pack up your things and excused yourself to leave the café. Just as the two seniors heard the bell ring and the door closed shut, Mayoi chuckled which that concered the teal-haired saint. "Fufu... Ah, youth~ Seems like the innocent, little producer doesn't know what was running inside Hiiro's mind. It better not be known to them on this little game of theirs~" Mayoi smirked and his smirk widen when he knew everything— almost everything on what was going on between you and Hiiro.

You spent your entire night sleeping like a log until the morning that you are late after your second alarm rang. You are completely tired that you didn't hear the snooze on your alarm because of your heavy and blank mind. You began to blame everything on your bad luck and it horrified you to the core. You. are. late. You thought. And you wanted to bury yourself six feet below the ground. You are sprinting towards the school gate like your life depends on it. You are not blaming your bad luck but you are blaming your carelessness that you tripped on one of the cracks on the stone-paved path on the side of the road. You could feel the time ticking slowly as your body fell down to the ground. Gravity loves you suffering. You closed your eyes and waited for the impact but you felt like you were swept off from your feet by someone who has the strength to carry you so easily. You could feel the wind brushing past your hair and a tight embrace on you. You opened one eye and you realized that someone carried you in a princess carry. That was when both of your eyes look up to see who carried you and your heart fell to the pits of your stomach when you recognized those familiar blue eyes and red hair. "Amagi?" "(Name), are you okay? Are you hurt?" Hiiro looked at you full of concern and worry while running. You nodded in response. You could see the faint black circles around his eyes. You were about to question him where did he get those but someone from behind stopped you from doing so. "Hiiro, you idiot! We're late because of you planning and go for an all-nighters!" A cry from the heart soldier was heard behind Hiiro. "We're going to have a field day after this!" "Relax, Aira. There's thirty minutes before the first period starts." Hiiro shouted back at Aira and still made a mad dash even after entering the school gates. Aira huffed and puffed for air but failed that he fell to the ground, tired. "At least... let me breathe..." Hiiro didn't let you go and yet he still carried you. For someone whose body is like a teenager, he has a strength of an adult. "Aira, I'm taking (Name) to the infirmary. See you later." And there he left with you in his arms. Aira felt like puking that he saw him with you but seems like Hiiro's plan is working earlier than expected. Poor blonde lied on the spot and the other students feared that a dead body was seen at Yumenosaki entrance when it was actually just Aira tired from the sudden vigorous physical activity. You were taken aback for what was going on at this whole Hiiro-carrying-you-while-you're-running-late-on-the-way thing. You felt embarrassed because this caught the attention of the students at the hallway. You covered your face out of shame using your bag. You are hoping that no one you know will see this. You are praying that anyone at the student council won't see this. You know that Shinobu is a chuuninja and Mayoi is always hiding at the vents and you are not going to be able to hear the end of it once it reached the StuCo President's ears. It'll be worse is anyone in Trickstar will talk about this and passed on to anyone in Knights— especially Arashi and Ritsu. Your head is spinning at every single possibility that will occur once the word is spread. As scandalous as it seems, you are not going to see the light of day once it was spread around Yumenosaki and ES. Hiiro opened the door to the infirmary and said, "Excuse me! Is Mr. Sagami in here?" "Lower your voice, Amagi. You're too loud." Jin stood up from his seat behind the desk and pointed one of the beds have you seated there. "What happened to (Name) this time?" "(Name) sprained their ankle on their way here—" "Nononononono I'm completely fine, Amagi. Thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse me I must head straight to class and good morning, Mr. Sagami. I want to apologize for the sudden disturbance Amagi and I had caused." You immediately left the bed and stood up but you felt a stinging pain on your ankle that you hissed in pain and fall down. Luckily, Hiiro caught you in time and put you back to the bed. Hiiro looked at you out of concern and you are not immune to those unintentional puppy eyes he just did. You quietly groan and facepalmed. "I give up..." You mentally slapped yourself and spoke. "Amagi, return to your classroom. I'll be fine here." He only shook his head and replied, "I'll stay here."

'What is he? A loyal puppy?!' You thought and you are so sure that your face became redder at any second. 'Goddamn! He's too cute!' You could hear Jun's voice the moment you mentally swore. 'Is this what one felt like when they have an adorable puppy-sized pet?! He's just like one!' Your mind automatically visualized Eve's little princess, Bloody Mary. "But you have classes to attend to. I don't want you to hold back from your studies. "I'll be fine, I promise." You tried to make him leave the infirmary but he only replied; "Big Brother told me I'll stay beside the person I care the most. I'm staying here and that's final." You internally screamed when he said that and looked at you with the most innocent-looking child-like eyes out of determination. 'Okay Rinne Amagi, I want to thank you for this adorable sight right in front of me and I want to punch you in the face for saying such things to your brother. That's what a couple should do when one of them need the other when they needed them the most!' "I..." You wanted to say something but you failed. You mentally raised and waved the white flag and let out a distressed sigh. "You're too stubborn. I want to hit you in the head for some sense of reality and common sense." You muttered, guilty and stressed. "Fine... I'll let you stay here but you have to return to class once I'm out of the infirmary. I'll be in your care, Hiiro Amagi." His eyes widen at your words and he seemed like a child who caught its interest. Inside Hiiro's mind is him cheering at hismself at his own progress. Meanwhile your mind repeated the words Hiiro just said like a broken recorder. 'The person I care the most... The person I care the most... The person I care the most... The person I care the most... The person I care the most... goddamnit, Hiiro Amagi.' You didn't care about the fact that this is the second time he brought you to the school infirmary.

Hiiro became protective and followed you almost everyday. It concerned you and your fellow producers on why in the world Hiiro Amagi, the leader of ALKALOID, followed you like a lost puppy. He knows almost all of the entrances and exits, lefts and rights, and almost every room in the school because of you and he kept following you. This made you felt paranoid but that innocent gaze of his made your mind remove all of those worry in you when he was there before your situation got more worse. Whenever you trip, he was always there to catch you on time. Holding a stack of documents that was supposed to be the paperworks for the student council but was mistaken as a stack of proposals. You were told by your seniors at the producer course to return the papers to the student council— which it was at the idol course and the last person you wanted to meet is seated at the seat of the student council president, Mao Isara. All of the embarrassing encounters you made with him made you quiver. You wanted to decline but the other producers there is busy so you had no choice but to accept it. You're currently at the hallway and headed towards the student council office. Like a klutz you are, you tripped on something from the floor and tumbled down. Gravity loves you and you loathed it back. You waited for the painful impact but you were caught by someone. The papers dramatically fell from your hands which that made you reveal the person who caught you in their arms. "Good afternoon, Amagi..." You slightly grimaced the moment you recognized that bushy vermilion hair and azure eyes. "Before you could ask if I'm fine or whatsoever, let me answer it right away. I'm fine. So no need to ask or worry about me." You pushed yourself away from him but his hold on you is too firm. 'Cursed these Amagi genes...' "Mind if you let go? I have papers to pick up." Which you internally cried because you have to organize them... again. When you left something somewhere in the campus or at the workplace and began to look for it, the item you've been searching for was found and given to you by Hiiro himself. "Shoot! Where's my phone?" You frantically rummaged the contents of your bag. "Mr. Sena's going to skin me alive if I'm not on the studio on time..." Dread began to spread across your system. You wanted to forget the last time where you are beautifully late and got scolded by Izumi. Succumbing yourself in despair, you knelt on the floor and prepared yourself to face the wrath of Izumi Sena and feel the glare from his frosty blue eyes. Before the dread invades your mind, the sight of an item made out of modern technology was seen from the corner of your eye. "Is this yours?" He asked. You nodded and tears began to come out from your eyes. "Thank you very much—" You froze when you saw the same person who's been following you back at Yumenosaki and the same person who hid from every corner of ES. "Ah, it's you, Amagi..." Your voice faltered from the sudden realization. "Now if you'll excuse me. I have to meet up with Knights at the studio." And you left without an another word. When you're rushing and was late for something like a meeting or class, he would be there to carry you and bring you to your next destination. Or other times, he'll remind you that you're early when he knows that you thought you're late. 'Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! I'm late!' You made a mad dash on your way to the entrance of Ensemble Square. You are so sure that the gods forbade you to be early and leave your home late. And that late in context is you arriving the place thirty minutes before work hours. You panted for air and sat on the seats on the lobby. You've really had enough of running for your life and arrive later than your desired time. "Goddamn... I'm late... again..." "(Name)? You're quite early today." Hiiro walked towards to the seats and sat beside you. "Actually, I'm late. My feet ache because of these most uncomfortable shoes I wore after all of the running. I picked the wrong pair for today... Not to mention, I have a meeting with fine on 8'o clock sharp and Tenshouin will behead me if I arrived at ES like a huge mess." Without a word from Hiiro, he immediately carried you and entered the elevator. "I'll take you there. That's where I'm also heading to." You arrived at StarPro office fifteen minutes before work hours thanks to Hiiro. It still lasted after ALKALOID's previous live and it concerns you that he was always there before an unfortunate scenario will occur. He is also attentive to anything important and yet it worried you that he used most of his time on you. He should use his time for himself, for school, and his unit. If there is a way to avoid Hiiro, and that is to stay at the producer course's area or not having ALKALOID at your schedule. You don't want him to hear your heart beating loudly when he's near or close to you. Because of this, you wanted to ask for an advice on how to make a certain redhead leave your radar. Getting a ton of luck will work but it's impossible. Another one is your big fat crush towards him developed even more that it made you faint. The cold wind brought you back to reality and realized something when you asked yourself this question. 'Why am I here and why at the rooftop of all places...?' Asking for an advice from a senior who have no love experience is really hard to talk to. You're not close to almost everyone at the producer course so you decided to ask someone at the idol course. Since Valentine's day is coming to a close, you had to prepare since love is going to spread all around Yumenosaki. For sure, you're going to see your fellow producers have a mountain of gifts on their desk. "Senior Narukami..." You weakly called the girl who is applying make-up in class 3-B classroom. "I need your help..." You were practically crying anime tears at this point as you clapped your hands and begged. This caught her attention and she saw the way you begged for her help and to her, it's an adorable sight to see for her to see her adorable junior producer at this time of hour. "If it's about your crush on Aira's unit leader, I'd be happy to talk to you about it." Said the knight and it left you in shock. 'I almost forgot that rabu~i shortie is in the circle Narukami is in...' "Little Aira told me about that yesterday when our circle had a little meeting at Café Cinnamon. When I heard that you'll meet with ALKALOID, I couldn't hold the urge to buy tea for you~♡" Your mouth open agape. She really did buy you tea few days ago— one of the person who is most likely to treat you something on the spot. You rarely met her due to work and school purposes that you heard news from her very later than the said date of event. Arashi put her cosmetics on the desk and stood up from her seat. "Come inside and take a seat. I need you to answer my questions while I make you pretty." Arashi pulled you in the classroom but you were too stunned to notice everything around you and have you sat down on one of the chairs nearby her desk. The moment she raised her brushes and palettes, you shook your head and covered your face. "Senior Narukami, I'm not here for a make-up session. I'm actually asking for an advice—" "Alright, first question, is it really infatuation you are feeling towards him or was it something else?" You gave up. She asked you while she carefully apply sunscreen on your face. "Infatuation... perhaps?" "Perhaps? You didn't know about your feelings? My, what an innocent one you are." Well it's your first time so it can't be helped. "Unlike Anzu who is at an all-boys school and never had any romantic relationships or interests, this is the first time a girl in Yumenosaki— also a producer, had a romantic interest with someone. It seems like this is your first time feeling like this so it seems like it." As if she read your mind, Arashi applied foundation on your face and blush on your cheeks. She proceeds to grab an eyeshadow palette and applied the right color to her liking. "Natural skin tone colors are right for you and a little color that matches your eyes. Now, close your eyes." "Naru—" "Just call me Arashi." "Okay, Senior Arashi, why are you applying make-up on my face? I don't even need a makeover." "That's because you're meeting someone." You could feel her soft hands cupping your cheek firmly and gently. "Aira and I agreed to have you meet a certain someone and give you both an alone time. Thankfully, Tori told me that you have a vacant schedule thanks to the president's kindness. It seems like he knows what we're planning since it's closely related to you. Now open your eyes and look up. Your eyelashes are next." You did as she said and applied the liquid mascara on your eyelashes and brushed it carefully. 'Goshdarnit, Isara. I hope Senior Ritsu will hog up your time alone.' You cursed and mentally threaten Mao that he sneezed in the student council room. "Bless me..." "Actually, what I'm trying to say is—" "Now, hush. It's time for the lip balm." "Arashi..." "This is the first time you said my name," Arashi began to apply lip gloss on your lips carefully. "Almost done... and there!" She said as she closed the container and gave you a mirror. You looked different from your usual self. Arashi did a perfect work of art on using make-up on you. "Fufu, you look like a model (Name)." Arashi said as she placed her hands on your shoulders. "Now, you wouldn't mind if I make a few changes on your outfit..." Arashi did grabby hand gestures over your shoulders and you know that you won't last a day there. "A-Arashi?! I mean, Senior Arashi, I'm fine with this!" "Tut tut, I promised Aira you'll look pretty, Little (Name)~ Now, behave and let me make you look beautiful in his eyes~♡" "I don't think you need to do it..." "Mika~ Mind lending me and (Name) a hand?" She still did anyway. Aira and Arashi (+Mika and Mayoi) planned this. It was unexpected but all you could think is leaving but Arashi and Mika watched you from the rooftop's entrance. You wanted to jump down from the building and it seemed so tempting that you held the railing. But the gods know that the lady is watching you so you stayed there near at the bench under the tree and sighed in defeat. Speaking of Arashi, she suddenly went out of the door and hid behind the wall on the far end of the rooftop entrance and followed by Mika who was frantically dashing his way where Arashi is. You could guess that it's a sign that the person they've wanted you to expect to see is closer for this arranged date they've prepared. You are not mentally prepared for this. You have a great feeling that they're tired of seeing you pining over him. They wouldn't admit but it was clearly evident. And for some reason... "Why did they prepare for this three days before Valentine's day...?" To cut this short, someone carried you here out of your will and definitely it's not Arashi who bridal carried you all the way here and ran to hide from your view and not Mika fussing over you not wearing a coat and scarf to keep yourself warm. "If this happens at work, then I won't let myself see the light of day." The door opened with a loud bang. You stood up to see who's at the door. "Speaking of, he's here with..." your voice faltered when you only saw just him walking his way to you and you could only look at Aira and Mayoi discreetly walking away to the corner and hid there. "Only him..." "Hi (Name)," Hiiro greeted you and you returned his greeting with a small hello. "Aira told me to meet you here. Do you have something to tell me about?" Ah, yes. "Well, it's about you." Hiiro's listened carefully and closely. "These past days, you're following me. Not to mention, you saved me multiple times whenever my clumsy self showed up. Another thing is you spent your whole time these past days doing these on your free time and all both on work and school." "Is there a problem with that?" He innocently asked. "Yes and no. Yes, because you're always there when I don't need help or anything and no, because it's my problem and not yours. So why bother wasting your precious time saving me and having yourself occupied by following me?" "Well..." "Another reason is because of you giving me multiple heart attacks when you're close that I'm close to fainting because of me having this stupid crush on you. Because of this... you saving me a lot of times that I couldn't count, I began to think to myself and began to pine over you that I talked about this whenever I wanted to have a conversation with Senior Narukami and Senior Anzu—" You went on and on until you realized what you had just said. You covered your mouth and apologized when you saw his stunned reaction. Little did you know, he felt the same. Oblivious as he was and followed the culture of courtship in his hometown, he hardly noticed about his feelings that when he talked about once with Aira, the blonde immediately pointed out that he's infatuated deeply for you. He also pined for you. It wasn't obvious that he earned for your attention because he made it seem platonic when he had no romantic cell in his body in his seventeen years of his existence. The way his heart jumped at your words and a small blush with a shade of rosy pink dusted on his cheeks. Currently, he brought Kohaku's hair to shame. Aira always mention whenever Hiiro blushed and it never fazed him in the slightest. You cleared your throat and look away. "Apologies, Amagi. If you'll excuse me." And you left, leaving him stunned under the tree. Arashi and Aira sighed, Mayoi froze, and Mika weakly groaned. A fail but there's progress. "Oh dear. Should we arrange for an another date this Chocolate DreFes?" Arashi asked and the rest nodded in agreement.

Valentines Day— or in Yumenosaki, Chocolate DreFes arrived like a truck crashing on you and transported you to an another world. You arrived at the school building and entered the hallway and the first thing you see is an arch decorated with roses and red and pink hearts. You are literally thinking if it's Aira day or what. Your day will be so not rabu~i. Wandering at the halls seemed like a bad idea. Why? It's because there is a group of student idols following you and watching every move you'd done. Violet orbs are watching you worriedly and bit her fingernail thumb because you are too aware of your surroundings. Her gaze bore holes in yout back and it sends you shivers on your spine. "It's no use. (Name) knows we're here." Arashi uttered. "We'll add a little distance and we'll be at the far end of her radar." "But that also means one thing if we add a little distance— we'll lose sight of them." Aira gritted his teeth. "Where is Hiiro when he need him?" "Didn't Lord Ayase brought him to their meeting spot?" Shinobu asked the two blondes and Aira grimaced. His emerald orbs bore holes into the chuuninja's soul. He glared and asked him, "And why the school farm of all places?" "(Name) likes animals, you know? So why not?" Ritsu looked at you and stealthily followed for a moment "I—" Aira calmed down for a moment and sighed. "Wasn't it supposed to be the school garden...?" Ritsu stopped in his tracks. They both realized their mistake. "Oh..." Ritsu then ran towards you and carried you like a sack of potatoes. It startled you that you panicked. Aira and Shinobu saw this and it frightened them. Knights are obviously known for kidnapping a fellow student in the past and it was obviously started by a model slash idol. "Wait— who?!" "Sorry dear... we really need to do this." Someone covered your eyes with a blindfold and you are so sure that it's the same unit who was known for kidnapping fellow Yumenosaki students. You felt the person carrying you moved and you paled. "So, I'm an another victim of kidnapping that was done by Knights? Seriously! Who taught you? Mr. Sena?" ‘Glad they didn't mention Tsukasa...' The two internally sighed in relief. "Hush down, (Name)." You heard Arashi. "It's better if you don't ask what will happen to you after this." Shinobu and Aira looked at the two knights and looked at each other and back to them. A question popped in to their mind. 'Should we tell this to the president...?' A red streak flashed all the way past the two confused juniors that left them being surrounded by question marks. And they realized it's the young leader of Knights, Tsukasa Suou. "Senior Narukami, Senior Ritsu, put (Name) down! That's KIDNAPPING." Tsukasa's voice was heard from the other end of the hall and ran towards the two third years carrying you. Arashi yelled back, "Says you, Tsukasa~ Ritsu's the one who started this." "Says the one who blindfolded them," Ritsu retorted and didn't look back. He could see the eyes staring at them and it literally says, "Knights are kidnapping someone again..." and it was obvious to the ravenette. "It'll be better if we surprise (Name) on their precious Valentines' date with a certain someone~ Someone like..." "Naru, don't. You'll spoil the surprise." Ritsu chuckled and pinched your thighs, making you squeak. He wants to know if you're still alive from all of the running. He immediately stopped and followed by Arashi and Tsukasa who nearly tripped. "Okay, change positions. Naru, help me put (Name) on my back. My shoulders got stiff." "Rest well, Ritsu," Arashi carried you away from Ritsu and held you in her arms. "I'll take her to the dating spot in your place." Arashi left and squealed as she ran. "See you later~" Tsukasa felt something like plastic held on his hand and saw that it's a bag of chocolates. He saw this and yelled, "Senior Narukami, wait!" The red haired knight followed Arashi and left the tired vampire on the floor.

He groaned, "At least help me up... wha?" Mauve streaks dashed through the halls and picked up the vampire on the floor out of habit. Ritsu sloppily greeted him. "Hey, Maa-kun~" "Hey, Ritsu..." Mao greeted back and nervously looked at Ritsu who is looking at him with that lovestruck look and it was clearly evident that there are hearts forming on his vermilion irises. Two students saw this and followed the srudent council president on the pursuit. 'Seems gay, amirite?' Shinobu and Aira thought as they ran. 'The power of love/The power of Valentines.' Aira mentally grumbled to himself and contacted Mayoi to take Hiiro to the garden. 'Today is not so lovely~ at all!' Airabui: mayoi pls take hiiro to the garden asap Mayoi: what happened? did they change the location? Airabui: yes and they're heading to the garden PLS HURRY Airabui: arashi said that they'll wait for him at the gazebo NOW PLS HURRY BC PRES IS WITH THEM Arashi placed you on a bench near the gazebo of the garden. She carefully took off the blindfold and you were blinded by the morning winter light shining down on the cold land. You raised your brow the moment you laid eyes on her violet irises. She chuckled at your reaction and sat beside you. "Now, now, don't be mad. I have to make you pretty like last time." Arashi took out her make-up kit out of her bag and revealed various brushes on her hands. You dropped a sweat even the weather is cold but you are pretty sure nothing goes well after all of this. After a swift makeover thanks to Arashi Narukami, the most beautiful Knight known in Yumenosaki Academy (Cue Izumi probably shed crocodile tears because he graduated. Sucks to be him.), you look even more prettier than last time, as what she had told you after that. You could hear her happy sigh when she saw someone from the distance coming closer to where you two are. "I did say you have a date right?" You were about to answer but she just squealed and became jittery. "He's already here so that's my cue to leave. Good luck, dear♡" And she left... again. You sighed when you heard Mayoi telling someone that they'll head somewhere and look for someone near the gazebo. It was faint but you felt glad for your good hearing. You look around to see what part of the garden you are and to your surprise and dismay, you are close to the gazebo. "What a cliché plan. It was inevitable is not an overstatement." You muttered and turn around. Your eyes widen when you saw those same eyes that you've admired to see as long as you remembered. "Amagi..." You whispered his name. A tone that only you two could hear. "Hi, (Name)." He greeted you and looked at your eyes, which you look away because you wanted to avoid any eye contact. You cleared your throat to break the short silence. "What brings you here...?" He answered, "Mayoi told me I'll look for someone near the gazebo but it turns out he wanted me to see you. Do you need me for something." "I..." You just had a mental block but you suddenly recovered. " Actually, Senior Narukami— No, I mean, Knights brought me here out of my will because of this certain day." "I see..." He uttered quietly. "Do you want to hang out with me today? You seem like you have no plans this whole day." You began to contemplate if you want to spend time with him today or not. A part of you wants to run away and another part of you wanted him to be with you here. "I..." Suddenly, a memory of you came into your mind. You made chocolates last night and brought it here to school to give it to him. One is obligatory and one is a Valentines' Day chocolate. You opened the zipper of your bag and rummaged through the contents. You internally sighed in relief to see that they aren't damaged after all of this kidnapping shenanigan that Knights had done. Hiiro was surrounded by question marks that he was wondering what got you so relieved after looking what inside your bag. "Amagi... No, Hiiro..." He stood straight when you said his name. This is the first time you said his name. "This is the first time I called you by your name..." He looked at you as if you're saying his thoughts. "I wanted to give you something..." You let out a bag of chocolates. It was wrapped in red plastic and sealed with a gold ribbon. You thought it was the obligatory one and you didn't know which bag did you let out. You closed your eyes and bowed while holding out the bag on your hand. "I like you, Hiiro Amagi! Please accept this chocolate and please be my...?" You opened your eye and it twitched when you saw your Valentine chocolate on your hands and continued. "my Valentine date..." Arashi saw this and she was so sure you didn't expect to take the Valentine chocolate instead of the obligatory one. Arashi told you to pour all of your love on the Valentine chocolate and make the obligatory one simple. Another thing she said is to put it in different colored bags and seal it with diffrent colored ribbons. If the bag is red, then it's a Valentine chocolate. If the color is beige, then it's obligatory. Unknown to you, she took your bag and took out the obligatory chocolate and threw it to Tsukasa when he nearly tripped. She got a bit impatient at the whole scene they had caused but she is so sure that it'll be worth it. She mentally facepalmed at what she had done but she became even more jittery and bit her lip while enjoying the scene behind the bushes. "Valentine date...?" Hiiro tilted his head in confusion. Then he remembered what Aira had told him yesterday. "Okay, Hiiro. Here's a small lesson about the difference of Valentine choclates and obligatory chocolates." Aira pointed at the cardboard of his presentation which Hiiro listened. "Obligatory chocolates are mostly accepted when someone told you that it's obligatory— meaning it's required to give it to the receiver. If someone give you an obligatory choclate, accept it whether you like it or not." "Aira, what if it's a Valentine chocolate?" Hiiro asked and Aira didn't hesitate to answer. "Hiiro, if someone give you a Valentine chocolate and confess to you, it's either you accept it or not. But if it's someone you like, accept it or not. It depends on you." "Even if it's (Name)'s choclate?" Hiiro asked. "Even (Name)'s chocolate." Aira answered. "Even if it's (Name)'s Valentine chocolate?" "Even (Name)'s Valentine cho— wait..." Aira paused and looked at Hiiro. He could probably see a tail wagging real fast behind his back. "Pardon?!" "I know it's illegal for a producer and an idol to be in a relationship but please accept this as (Name) and not as a producer." "I'd be happy to accept as your date, (Name)." That only answer can make everyone's jaw drop, including yours. "W-Wait! I—" You rummaged your bag again and the obligatory chocolate wasn't seen in your bag.  You paled and began to regret your actions. "Something wrong?" Hiiro asked you and you shook your head. "N-Nothing's wrong. Something just slipped out of my mind and forgot. Haha..." 'Arashi... you took the obligatory chocolate out of my bag, right...?' "Yes I did." As if she read your mind, she smirked devilishly and that scared the young knight, which that made him look at the bag of chocolates he held. Hiiro smiled and chuckled, "I wouldn't mind becoming your Valentine date, (Name)." "But it's only today and—" "Hm? I thought we'll be a couple after this." And he remembered what his brother told him. "Hiiro, if ya accept someone's Valentine chocolate, savour it. If there is a certain someone in your mind givin' ya that kind of chocolate, accept it. Maybe they want to date ya and become yer partner for life." Rinne snickered at his own answer when he knows that it's you who he's thinking of. "Then what if I accept (Name)'s Valentine chocolate and have them as your sibling-in-law?" "Heh, that's something the first thing I'll hear before you date someone like— huh?" Rinne's mouth was open agape and the lollipop he savoured fell from his mouth after hearing his brother's words. He didn't expect that. Talk about hearts jumping and sprinting a marathon. "It's— It doesn't work that way...!" You yelped. Your face became redder than before, making you putting Hiiro's hair to shame. "You're supposed to reciprocate their feelings after they confess! Not just accepting a confession like that if you actually want to accept it." "Then what if I felt the same as you do?" Hiiro innocently asked and you felt like fainting. "Then that was a little enough for the receiver to accept it." "Then what will you say when I remove the what if and tell you directly?" You could feel your heart skipping multiple beats and had an another mental block. "I—" Hiiro held your hands and smiled. You could see an another Subaru right in front of you because it was too bright for you to see. "I like you too, (Name). I felt the same way. I accept you, your confession, and your chocolate. I wouldn't mind becoming your Valentine date and please accept as my partner for life. I wanted to tell you this as Hiiro Amagi, not Hiiro Amagi of ALKALOID." He said and you felt your knees weak and wobbly like a tubeman dancing outside of stores. "I... accept your confession, Hiiro Amagi..." "They did it! (Name) finally confessed!" Arashi cheered first and jumped out of the bush but Ritsu and Tsukasa stopped her before your situation takes a wild turn. You and Hiiro look around to see who screamed but saw no one. He looked at you and held out his hand and said, "Mind if I escort you to your classroom?" "I can go there by myself, Amagi." You said and you could see puppy ears folded down. "I insist." He said as he let out a small pout. You scratched the back of your head and surrendered. "Alright, fine." You could see him brighten up like the sun. His aura can be mistaken as an another Subaru, indeed.

The next day, you met Anzu at the main entrance of Ensemble Square and told her everything what had happened yesterday at campus until you both reached the lobby. She listened while seeing you smile like a child finally appreciating something they cherished deeply. Little did you know is that she was at the other side of the garden, away from where Arashi and the others are. It was all fine but the two of you got interrupted when your names are called by a certain someone. "(Name)! Anzuuuuu! Uchuu~" An eccentric ginger dashed towards you two and you both managed to dodge him. He tripped on his feet and fell to the floor. He sputtered and turned to face you two. "How mean! I wanted to hug you both and this is what I get?" He pouted. "Leo, you can lower it down if you like. It's morning." You held out your hand and Leo accepted it and helped him up. Leo noticed something and it clicked in his mind. "Everytime I'm a few seconds close to hug you, you always fall down. This time, you dodged it. How come?" "Pure instinct." You plainly answered. "Dunno. This morning, I felt a wave crashing onto me and everything went well. I was completely wondering  how did that happen, to be honest." Anzu knows and she preferred not to say it. "Hm, I see—" "Tsukippi... Time to practice. Secchan is waiting for us." Ritsu grabbed Leo by the collar and dragged him away. "Ritsuuuuu... I want to talk to (Name) and Anzu." "Talk to them later." Ritsu yawned and left the area with Leo in tow. Anzu looked at you and asked you something that made your cheeks red. "I heard that you confessed to someone. Is it true?" "Wait— does anyone in Yumenosaki know?" You covered your face to hide the blush. She answered, "Not everyone... I think I saw Knights yesterday at the garden. I was just passing by and went there for air until I saw them. It caught my attention because of those suspicious bushes  near Trickstar." 'Knights and Trickstar?!' "Please kill me..." "Good morning, Anzu. Good morning, (Name)." A voice from the entrance of Ensemble Square was heard from where you are and the first thing your eyes had seen is red. And it's your boyfriend, Hiiro Amagi. "You're pretty early today, ALKALOID." Anzu said You calmed yourself down and checked your schedule. "Seems like your unit is the first on my schedule, Hiiro." "Mhm, Tenshouin told me that yesterday at Starmony Dorm." Hiiro responded and smiled. "Looking forward to work with you, (Name)." "Same here, Hiiro." Tatsumi, who isn't aware of yesterday's incident was left confused and curious at the same time. He looked at Mayoi who acted like a proud parent and Aira just sighed. You and Anzu excused to leave and went to StarPro office to meet with Eichi. As you two left and out of the radar, Tatsumi asked his fellow unitmates. "Did something happen at Yumenosaki?" "Hiiro... he..." "Hiiro..." Mayoi and Aira hesitatntly answered at the same time. "He's dating someone." They said it at the same time again but lower in volume. "Did (Name) helped Hiiro confess to someone?" Mayoi nodded and Aira shooked his head. Tatsumi asked again and pondered, "I don't see him as someone who will date anyone..." "That's because he's courting someone and you didn't notice." Aira said and looked at his leader. "Care to elaborate this, Hiiro?" Hiiro was about to answer but Aira covered his mouth. "W-We're at a public area so why not talk about this somewhere private." Then it all connected to the teal-haired senior's head. Hiiro can only just nod because Aira still covered his mouth. "And since when did it happen?" Tatsumi asked again. "Since the day when Hiiro dragged me out of Café Cinnamon..." Aira only answered for Hiiro. He feared that his loud voice can spread rumors and scandals. "And who is it?" "Ithwathmmhmm" Hiiro tried to say something but all the three could hear is muffling noises from Hiiro and Aira pressed his hand harder on Hiiro's mouth. But Aira paled when he saw Mayoi whispering to Tatsumi's and the teal-haired nodded. "I see..." He chuckled. "Good luck on your relationship with them, Hiiro." "Aihwul" He still answered but Aira couldn't just let him say it out. He gritted his teeth and told him, "Don't say this out loud or rumors will spread like wildfire. Understand?" Hiiro can only nod. "Ah, young love..." "Tatsumi, you only graduated..." "I feel like an old man when you're feeling the youth, you two."

W/N:

*Googles on how to get a Hiiro irl* and realizes that that kind of person doesn't exist.

[teadreamsims]

Putting non sims stuff below the cut. TW for complicated family stuff, brief discussion of abuse, and health scares (not me, dw I've not had a health scare)

So, my dad and I have a complicated relationship. He was really awful to my mum behind closed doors growing up. Not physically abusive, but emotionally abusive I guess you could say. He'd say the most awful stuff to her, treat her badly, he even refused to be around my you ger brother when he was born bc he was born with a cleft lip and palate. My dad also would accuse my mum of cheating with his brother (who passed away 17 years ago) and say that my brother had to be his kid bc she "used the toilet after he did and that must be how she got pregnant". Suffice to say he wasn't a nice person to her. But he was always good to me and I just never knew what he was like until I got older and they separated then divorced years after.

Anyway, all that to say he moved to Germany a few years ago and he rarely ever messages me or talks to me. And whenever he does he never asks about me or my life, only about himself. This year he even forgot my birthday and that really broke me.

Well, he just sent me a text message to let me know he had a stroke BACK IN MARCH and never thought to tell me. Despite everything, I'm devastated. I feel horrible for how hurt and angry he's made me in the past and especially the past few months with how silent he's been. And he's just dismissing all my worries and upset with "calm down I'm fine now I don't burden people" and I just. It's all a mess in my head bc I struggle processing emotions and grief and stuff. Her could've died and I wouldn't have known, you know? He says I'd have known but I feel like I wouldn't and that's what really hurts me. He didn't think I needed to know that my own dad could've died.

Sorry for the long post and vent. I don't want any sympathy or pity or anything yall, that's not what this post is for. I guess I just. Idk. I meed to get it out there bc none of my friends are really responding to me rn and I don't feel comfortable talking about it to my mum or younger brother bc their view of him is more negative than mine and I don't wanna put them in an awkward position. They know he's had a stroke bc I've just told them but they don't know any of what I'm feeling or thinking rn.

But um yeah. Stuff is weird and complicated rn and idk how I'm gonna get through work tomorrow bc this is all I'm gonna be thinking about and I don't wanna call out of work bc I really really need the money so I can save up for driving lessons and a car.

Thank you everyone who read this far and took the time to listen to me vent. I appreciate all of you and thank you in advance for understanding if I'm out of sorts the next few days

[spaceastridxx]

Tw: Vent (beware of my rant)

Hi, me again- I’m going through a lot rn..- like I’m just so close to giving up. It doesn’t feel like anyone wants to be around me, my best friend is my last hope of ppl talking to me but he won’t even do so- idk I wanna talk about my boundaries but it doesn’t feel like there’s a time where I’m physically able to do it myself and when ppl aren’t in a current breakdown. I don’t know what to do, I just want to feel important, like is it too much to ask for more than this? Ik some ppl can’t do more than this currently but idk, I don’t feel loved, I feel lonely and unappreciated. It’s not even that I’m not trying to improve but I can’t set my boundaries without putting someone in the shit place of “so it’s my fault” so I’ve settled for a endless loop of breakdowns on my side, it feels as I’m disintegrating slowly, I’m trying so hard to be this person these people need me to be but no one will tell me how to do that. I just wanna be happy, yet that feeling is only a fever dream. I want to feel like special to someone, I wanna feel like I have a reason other than my best friends weird fucked up friend, I don’t know what’s wrong with me that makes people including these people that I trusted with my life to slowly leave. No one will talk to me and I feel as I did something. I keep trying to become this person so people like me, also because I haven’t really been myself for years now, I don’t know what parts are *me* anymore. I’m so done honestly, I feel as a second option to everyone, I crave the feeling of finally being as important as they are to me, yet it’ll never happen, because life hates my guts and I’m not a good enough person, even when I’m pulling myself apart to be able to be even close to it. Anyways- I’m finnneee- right?

(No tags bc I don’t wanna have this out in the damn open but want to feel as I’m not alone soooo- PUBLIC RANNNTSSS-)))

[rhythmgamer]

roommate is not in room rn i feel semi-safe hallelujah

(kind of a rant follows beneath Keep Reading)

(btw it's not like i feel she's physically dangerous to me but she hurt me a lot emotionally and basically has a very dominating personality in general like AFTER apologising she set down new "boundaries" cutting off any talk of academics, colleagues, department, batchmates, marks, internships etc. cus she said it'd be better if we put our academic lives and personal lives separate (which doesn't make sense HERE cus i live in a residential college where there's no clear boundary between academic and personal life??? and that automatically cuts off talking about 90% of the things here???) AND she also said to not share each other's problems even casually like??? girl what can i talk about then? the shitty food from the canteens?)

(also. she thinks i have a "bad" habit. what's the "bad" habit? asking her how her classes went or how her day went when she returns to the room. or maybe sharing a random tidbit about my own day or anything else while she happens to be doing an assignment or a quiz (mind you, it isn't really possible for me to know she has an assignment or a quiz unless she tells me) so yeah. no chitchat unless she's idle or on the phone. yeah. honestly not all people like talking about their day and i understand that. but why call it a bad habit. you consider me to be "close" to you (in her own words). is it not normal for someone "close" to you to want to talk about daily life? why do you harshly go "don't talk to me I do not want to talk rn" EVERYDAY when i just wanna know how are you? why act as if I've been doing something horrible?) (funny part is initially she used to complain that her ex-roommate would never talk to her and she finds it nice that i talk to her. but now she herself cut off 95% of the things i can talk with her. like girl what do you want???)

(but yeah this is a person who coaims that they believe they can live independently without anyone's support in the world, no friends, no family. even told me "you may be my roommate and i may consider you close but i don't expect you to be there for me when i support, nO oFfEnSe". told this to my face. and in her words she considers me "close". and this same person has a laptop AND an ipad AND a standing fan bought for her by her father and regularly vents to a senior about her ex. suuuure you can live on your own without your father's money and the senior's emotional support. suuuure. should've seen the red flag already tbh)

(anyway I haven't even talked about what was the actual situation due to which i took shelter in a friend's room temporarily. and it's too long and too trivial to talk of here (unless someone wants to hear of that pile of dogshit). and there are other red flags about her too like how she constantly lumps me in with the "girls" despite knowing im nonbinary and misgenders me and once made a comment about the shape of my boobs as a compliment(???) and asked why don't i wear a binder if I'm uncomfortable with my boobs. but yeah. it's like at this point i feel scared and on my guard whenever she's in the room. i cannot relax or feel safe. and i still have an entire third year to go. idk how I'll manage. maybe I won't)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for csa, nightmares and flashbacks, csa detail

I just wanna vent

Last night I had a horrible nightmare of getting raped. It lasted for a long time and I'm still shaken from it. It brought back many flashbacks when I woke up. Idk why but even tho it was my mom who sa me, whenever I have a nightmare of sa (which happens a lot) my mom is never the rapist? Like its either my dad or a random person. Which is weird cuz my dad never sa'ed me. Sure he did constantly commented on my body ("your ass is growing, you're growing up!") Which make me feel uncomfortable. And one time he peeked through the toilet when i was using it to see if im on my phone, which was also weird but like he ddint mean to be inapp he just wanted to make sure i wasnt on my phone. But he never really did anything physical. Anyways the nightmare brought back shitty memories. I can still feel her lips and hands on me. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself, I feel like im dirty and gross for it. Ik it's not my fault but I just can't help feeling ashamed. My mom doesn't sa me anymore but she kinda does like.lower forms of it. Like slapping my ass or touching it, but that's normal right? I mean, I don't think she really means it in an inappropriate way, like she might just think it's a cute way of showing affection. My family is really physically affectionate after all, even my dad do that. Idk man I just feel so weird rn. I feel like I wanna get away from my body, like I don't belong in this thing. I wanna rip my skin off just to feel like she's never touched me. I wish she never did this to me, I wish we were a perfect family like how other ppl think we are. Worst part is they act so nice, they're good parents. It's just when I think of my childhood it's pretty messed up. I just keep trying to push down these feelings and ignore them so I can live in this fantasy of having perfect parents, but lately it's been becoming harder to do it. Thanks for listening, I hope u guys have a great day <3

- 💛

Hi 💛,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through, as well as the dream you had. While you said your dad didn't outright SA you like your mom did, it sounds like he's still made inappropriate comments towards you and touches your butt. Please know that these things are unacceptable and you don't deserve to be treated this way.

It can be confusing when we dream of scenarios that are a bit different from our actual trauma, and it's natural to wonder why these details are changed in the dream. Sometimes our brains experiment with different dynamics to see how that changes the situation. Because for example there is quite a big difference between being raped by a stranger and being raped by your mom, and perhaps entertaining the idea of it being a stranger is a way to navigate and understand the dynamic between you and your mom. But sometimes its more symbolic or metaphorical. For example, if you dream about your dad being the perpetrator, perhaps it could symbolize the ways he makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body. Especially with trauma, it's natural for dreams to be a way to process and make sense of your experiences.

While it's okay for families to be physically affectionate, it must come with a certain level of care and respect for others' boundaries, which sounds absent in your family dynamic. It sounds like your family crosses physical and sexual boundaries under the guise of "normal" affection. Normalizing this behavior is what enables the abuse to continue. Please know that your body is yours and you deserve the right to say who can or cannot interact with it.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can best help you process your trauma, the dreams you've been having, and equip you with useful coping tools that you can take with you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[festivalofspirits]

Little Intro post ig!

Hi! Im extremely blurry, and we are a system! We are a traumagenic system, n honestly have run out of patience to fight with endos. do whatever, just dont be dicks about it on this blog. We use It/They collectively, n just kinda vibe! To the 12 or so (sys, you know who you are), if you find this blog, please fuck off, let us have something for once without you. ANYWAYS.

Asks r always open, esp for system stuff (tho i cant promise ill answer everything) same with submissions! This blog is probably gonna be run by me (i might not be blurry n might be an alter but im ignoring that rn bcs i dont wanna be a person), n our kangel fictive (it was more designed for her ngl).

We r white, jewish, disabled (physically and mentally) n have a whole lot of issues, so any vents here will be tagged as vents dw. Uhh dni creepy ppl, basic dni, NPD abuse truthers, n ppl just here to call us cringe n fake. This might get updated if i turn out to be real!

Welcome to the chaos :3

[dedfandom-xwx]

Hey this is me rambling at 4am so if you don’t wanna hear my random stuff then just skip over this post, but if you do then read under the cut. Idk what this is gonna contain and it might turn into a vent or get very opinionated so please so hate on me I just wanna ramble 😭👍

Okay but like can we just talk about Noel Gruber and Mischa for a second? Or like, Eddie Dear and Frank Frankly? I just realized Eddie and drink don’t have the same last name even though they’re married. I know some people like don’t change their name and that’s like totally cool and everything like no shame but I had no clue at first that they were married. Do they even have rings…? Idc if they do or not their designs are so friggin cute. I wanna hurdle a specific VR skin of Eddie into a wall though.

ANYWAYS, Noel and Mischa, am I right? That is true best friend energy right there. So silly goofy. A angry SoundCloud rapper and a romantic gay being. I never thought better energy would come from two characters.

i started to try animating. I made a little Home animation and I’m hoping to post it soon. Took me about 2 hours. It’s my first ever animation I’m actually a little proud of so please no throwin shame 🥲

ALSO I also wanna talk about how funny some of the word in the English language are. I know we kinda steal a lot of words from other places and like a lot of Latin words and stuff like that. But tell me, how in the fresh heck did we come up with words like the ones in science on the table thingy that I can’t spell correctly the one with all the boxes and colors and stuff?? (I know what it’s called but i just can’t spell it.)

Oaiajekeowowiwiwiwhwhwhwjskaopworurhrnxnxnxncgdbsjslalwiw

the current worm in my brain: Tick, Frank Frankly, and Sam Winchester for some reason??

man do I love supernatural. I also really like Friends and Big Bang Theory and Good Omens and Unsolved Mysteries and stuff like that. THATS what you call quality content.

i wish people would ask me more questions. Random Ik. I hate talking about myself but I like to answer peoples questions. Is there something wrong with me for that??

i really should log off and get some sleep but I don’t feel like it. This is a loooooooong ramble. I should probably shut up or som.

OKAY but physical pain. Like why. I just want to ride roller coasters and not feel like I’m gonna cry every two seconds when I’m trying to sleep.

when you meet a buisness man you must stake him by the hand

I wanna lick a book. Like one of the really old ones with canvas covers. Feel like it’s taste good.

I feel like Sundrops pants would be such a bad texture. Probably grimy and yucky and like a potato sack.

YUPPEE

In my life, I was Noel Gruber who worked at Taco Bell in Uranium City, Saskatchewan. But in my dreams I played a different role. I was Monique Gibeau in post-war France!

not gonna say the next line cause it’s a bit SuGeStIvE I guess

why are suggestive songs such a bop. Like you take away the lyrics or listen to piano versions and I’m head banging like I’m at a rock concert like it’s that good. For example, Say No To This from Hamilton. Or ofc, Noel’s Lament from RTC. BANGERS BRO. As an ace person, yeah a little uncomfy BUT THEYRE SO GOOD WKSGSISNWBSOSK

I wanna eat fries

I need sleep

WE ALLLLL HAVE A WOOOOORM IN OUT BRAAAAAAAAAAIN

I’m legit crying over SIOB rn why am I like this if didn’t even watch the episode kasoajwosgsiswdns

imma try to end this ramble here. If you make it this far, you’re amazing. Hope you’re having a nice day/night/evening/afternoon! 🫀🫀

and an apple for Wally 🍎

🚪🏃

[phantomswolf]

here, i answered the art questions

1. Art programs you have but don't use

aseprite, krita (nightmare to draw in), i used to have a totally 100% absolutely-not-pirated copy of photoshop but not anymore

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

depends on the day, but usually the left. i hate doing side profiles tho

3. What ideas come from when you were little

A LOT. but my story Nightfall has been a work in progress since I was 11

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

GORO AKECHI PERSONA 5

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

i hardly post most of my art on Tumblr atm, but that’s because almost all of it regards the Kirby Gemini AU and my partner and i are making a blog for that. so, as a percentage for the last few years, i’ve probably only posted maybe. less than 1% of my work?

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

honestly a lot of old emo art fksbfjfbd jhonen vasquez was a huge inspo to me for a while

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

PLUSH MAKING AND FURSUIT MAKING god i wanna learn but i don’t think sewing is my thing

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

i’ve had a lot, but i wanna keep them to myself in case I wanna salvage bits and pieces

9. What are your file name conventions

Depends on the day and the art piece but usually shit like “sorry if this looks gay”, variations of AWOO, “normal”, “k i l l”, “straight people”, etc

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

Uhhhh armor (i say like a fucking freak)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

this nightmare of a playlist

12. Easiest part of body to draw

Uhhhhhhh depends on the day, usually the face

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

iunno, i don’t think abt that

14. Any favorite motifs

A LOT. i cant think of any specific ones rn but i guess. religious imagery is pretty baller. that and super dark palettes with bright neon highlights and accents

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

my room for digital stuff, but i usually bring a sketchbook with me if i’m going out

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

oughhh coloring and shading

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

usually water. hydration is important 👍

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

traditional, i have no clue. too many. digital supplies uhhh i didn’t break per se, but two art tablets have given out (my first one lasted years, but the second only lasted a few months coz it sucked booty hole)

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

TREES.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

expression work!

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

my partner’s style!! i love it so fucking much

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

i do a lot of hand stretches. carpal tunnel was too much of a bitch not to

23. Do you use different layer modes

all the time! always for shading and for glowing bits. multiply and add glow layers my beloved

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes yea lol. i don’t use refs as much as i should tho

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

Too much for me to be happy about it.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i drew a vent piece and people took it as me just being edgy. wild times

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

somedays i do. usually just shitposts or my sona

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i have participated in 1 (one) collab

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

uhh ace attorney and persona

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

is it weird to say a lot of my works? like the finished ones. iunno, i feel like i get overlooked a lot and it’s a cowabummer

[megarabane]

vent post abt work incoming sorry in advance i just need to scream into the void for a mo.

can i just. i'm just so sick of the 'in order to have value you have to work yourself to the bone' mindset.

i'm working two jobs rn, one is monday-friday and the other is pretty much sundays exclusively. because neither of these jobs pay me well enough to sustain me on their own.

m-f is a research job in my degree-chosen career field that i love to do, i love the people i work with, and i willingly work 50 hour weeks (5 tens) on a regular basis. they don't make me, but i like the work and the grad student i'm working with is super reasonable when i say "hey i need the day off" and his response is "great have at it! see you later!"

and the sunday is at a restaurant. and don't get me wrong alright i love foodservice. if it weren't for the physical and emotional and mental demand of waiting tables and dealing with customers for just barely enough wages to live on, i'd willingly do that shit. i love waiting tables.

and i've told my scheduling manager 'hey i don't wanna work doubles on sundays (my only day), i'm available for either a morning or an evening but not both.' and she scheduled me three doubles three weeks in a row. and i got the first two covered by coworkers but i worked the third, and i told her 'hey i told you i can't do this, i'm already working 50 hours a week'

and her response was. 'aw. only fifty? i'll let you know when i get down to that much.'

OKAY. FIRST. that's YOUR choice and I GUARANTEE you're compensated with time and a half at LEAST, not to mention your PTO that i KNOW you have bc you talk about it all the time.

my research job does not pay time and a half for OT, and i CHOOSE to do it bc i love the work, but it's physically demanding and exhausting, it's wildlife research, it's hiking miles a day in the mid-drought heat and half the fucking time it's for naught anyway, and the stuff that isn't hikes is driving two hours to and from research sites.

SECOND. THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. i only have ONE HUMAN LIFE and ONE day off a week is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. i'm wearing knee braces again, which i haven't done since high school eight years ago, and i've not written anything in WEEKS. it's raw LUCK that i've had the energy to play any games at all in the last few weeks. most of the time i come home and collapse bc i'm exhausted and i just wanna rest before i get up and go work again. my one day off a week is spent doing laundry and cleaning and running errands that don't get done during the week.

i fell apart on my therapist when we were in the middle of a different conversation bc i'm so tired, and now i have a sticky note on my monitor that says 'it's not selfish to take days off if it keeps you from death' right next to 'remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you'.

and i call off work tomorrow. because i'm so tired. and i get my scheduling manager. and her response is 'the schedule's been out for like a week. have you tried to get it covered.' and i say 'yes' and she says 'well the schedule's been out for a week." and i just...sit there in silence. because like. you're not going to guilt me out of this. bc i know if you know you can guilt me out of this once you'll never fucking stop and i'll never have a moment of peace again.

does it almost work? yeah. i've got a fucking anxiety disorder. ofc it does.

but i have one human life. only one. i need a break. they will survive without me. fuck, business has been so slow recently, having one less server on the floor will mean my coworkers will get more business and more money. even if management is mad (and my gm won't be he's reasonable ik this) my coworkers might actually thank me for it. (this is me speaking it into existence can you tell.)

anyway i'm just. tired. i'm so tired. i'm so over capitalism. this is the start (well more really a midpoint) of my anti-capitalist arc.

anyway thanks for reading lol. remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you. you are worth days off. your management will forget about the guilt trip they took you on in less than a day. so call off. quit. they survived before you and will survive without you. you're worth more than the blood you pour into a work week.

[solsticejrnl]

Quarter :P

Trying to account for 366 days is doable, but I wanna break it into more feasible quarterly stuff. I've had 2 weeks to just be, and I started spring semester a week ago so I've found my footing and groove in my schoolwork. Now, I wanna actually consider the goals I want to achieve by March. I'm thinking off the top of my head about what I want that is feasible if I put the excuses aside and work for it by then.

The first thing that came to mind is fitness. Today I did yoga, which was good. I did it for an hour before my first class. After rotting in bed, I got out of bed, and that's what matters. No gym because I didn't wake up early enough and the machines were taken when I got back to my dorm. That's an excuse. I need to start 3x a week gym and daily yoga and stretching until I have enough endurance to add in pilates exercises. I KNOW what I want to look like and I don't think I truly have it in me to keep being the one staring and wishing I were someone else. we gotta switch the roles, and quickly. my goal is temi ojora. yes I have an unhealthy fixation on her, but she's just so aspirational. she runs track so maybe its her, maybe its track body but I need to get my ass up rn if this is my goal.

Like I don't even want to compare, but she stands out physically among people, and I wanna do the same! I have the platform: long limbs, long torso, long legs, straight shoulders etc etc etc I just need to get to work.

The next is nutrition. Now, today I ate one meal bc I'm busy and I'm trying to downsize my appetite forreal. I'm trying the whole 80% health and nutrition and 20% indulgence thing rn and honestly just thugging out my cravings. no liquid cals, no crazy sweet treats, no greasy fast food, no junk snacks. my chest hurt writing that bc i ate a burger and 2 cookies yesterday, and i could honestly conquer the world at that point ughhh. but today the dining served literal slop so i ate white rice with spinach and pulled pork just so i could have flavor on the rice and I intentionally didn't finish. but I'm doing better with nutrition lowkey. I'm tall asf I burn mad calories anyways.

SCHOOL. I'm doing this project, and it's lowkey crushing me. I have a civil engineering class and architecture ones. I just want to chillllll bro. But I want the life any way I might as well be willing to think. I'm on the dean's list already. I wanna get on the president's list this semester, so I'm trying to get there by all means.

I'm tired of being broke so I'm getting a job. I already applied and got a callback so I'm actually bringing them my documents tmr. i just want my first-ever paycheck bro. I feel soooo bad spending bc I have no money ever bc I only get an allowance. if I had a job I could get credit and do things and actually feel grown.

I've been feeling things and the things are feeling like I'm missing something. I feel like I need to do more inner work. I place too much value on people outside of me and look for attention in all the wrong places, I stay in situations due to attachment, I'm not self-aware, and I need to get myself together and find motivation out of mediocrity. I'm gonna go back to therapy and have actual goals for it instead of just venting and leaving.

So yeah this quarter is about me: my mind, my body, my money, and my relationship to myself and to work and to my situation.

if it is a situation i can correct, then wtf am I waiting for. My actions simply must align with my goals.

[carbonateds-oda]

🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇 Trick or treat!!! 🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇

(it's funny cause your name is candy lol 🤭)

anyways..so in this game, we can give anything..

I give you..

the nosy anon asks you reblogged! 🤭🦇 (and some more)

[disclaimer: I edited it a bit]

[only answer the ones you want to tho!]

[feel free to vent]

[it's not me, it's the post that's being nosy]

[I added/removed some questions too tho]

*** okay let's start! 🤭🎃***

Do you smoke/drink/take drugs? (don't look at me, it was from the post TT - but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested HELP TT )

Age you get mistaken for?

Have tattoos/Want any tattoos?

Got any piercings/Want any piercings?

Best friend/close friends?

Biggest turn ons?

Biggest turn offs?

Favorite movie?

Favorite show?

Someone you miss? (honestly, I think I alr know the answer but I'm still going to ask) TT

Most traumatic experience?

A fact about your personality?

What you hate most about yourself? (I'm going to virtually dazai-slap you if you say 'everything')

What you love most about yourself?

What you want to be when you get older?

Your relationship with your sibling(s)?

Your relationship with your parent(s)?

Your idea of a perfect date?

Your biggest pet peeves?

A description of the girl/boy you like?

A description of the person you dislike the most?

Type of people you dislike? (for no particular reason, just personal bias)?

A reason you've lied to a friend?

Do you prefer white lies or harsh truth?

What you hate the most about work/school?

What makes you happy when you're at work/school?

What words upset you the most?

What words are you dying to hear from someone else?

What words make you happy when you hear them?

Are you into girls, guys, or both? 👀

What makes a person attractive to you? (/what's your ideal type)?

Where would you like to live?

One of your insecurities?

Your childhood career choice?

Your favorite ice cream flavor?

Who you wish you could be?

What's the nicest thing someone has done for you?

What's the nicest thing you've done for someone?

Where would you want to be right now?

Sexiest person that comes to your mind immediately? (back off. Oda's mine /j).

What's one phrase you say often? (can be either in English or Spanish)

How many languages can you speak? Enumerate them based on how fluent you are (ex: 1. English; 2. Japanese, etc)

Are you a math or arts girlie?

Have you ever played candy crush? (sorry that's kind of a bad pun 😅🤭)

When a friend wrongs you, do you confront them about it or silently grow distant?

would you rather initiate physical affection or have someone else suddenly give you physical affection?

What's your love language/how do you show love to your loved ones?

and last but not the least

share one random fact you want to share <3

(just make sure its not private info lol)

🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇 Happy Halloween, Candy!! 🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇

my fellow Oda simp who's quite insane and funny 🥰🤭🤭

[pls pls pls i hope i don't come across as nosy TT just answer the ones you want :") ]

🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇 Happy Halloween, again!! 🎃🦇🦇🦇🦇

<333

xoxo

Do you smoke/drink/take drugs?

-I do not do any of those :) but I’d b lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to start

Age you get mistaken for?

-I’ve nvr been mistaken for a diff age so none ig

Have tattoos/Want any tattoos?

-do not but I do plan on getting at least one sometime, prob zelda related

Got any piercings/Want any piercings?

-just my ears rn but I rlly wanna get my nose re-pierced and maybe an eyebrow one too

Favorite movie?

-shrek 2 that movie is just rlly funny in spanish and I grew up watching it a lot

Someone you miss?

-…maybe my brother. but only a rice grains worth. oh and def my cousins I haven’t seen them in a while but I’d die before admitting that out loud

Most traumatic experience?

-every first day of school Ive had ever

A fact about your personality?

-well i have the same personality type as saiki and according to multiple sources, it def checks out

What you hate most about yourself?

-I’ll just take that slap then thank you.

What you love most about yourself?

-im occasionally funny w is nice ig

What you want to be when you get older?

-hopefully a writer

Your relationship with your sibling(s)?

-oof idk anymore but we were pretty close I’d say, we have a lot of similar interests but he’s like way older so he had too much other shit going on for us to b super close

Your idea of a perfect date?

-if we manage to make each other laugh that’s an automatic win for me idrc what we do

Your biggest pet peeves?

-when ppl ask me stupid questions that they could easily answer themselves I rlly don’t like talking more than I have to

Type of people you dislike?

-anyone who knows anatomy bc I’m bitter and envious of them

Do you prefer white lies or harsh truth?

-harsh truth

What you hate the most about work/ school?

-being expected to talk to ppl

What makes you happy when you're at work/school?

-I like having structure and being told exactly what I need to do and when so that

What word's upset you the most?

-“you have to order ur own food” <\3 😔

What words are you dying to hear from someone else?

-an explanation abt sm that happened yrs ago I still have yet to hear their side of things

What words make you happy when you hear them?

-my mom told me it was cold outside and i nearly exploded from joy I’ve been waiting so long to b able to wear sweaters again

Are you into girls, guys, or both?

-both, i am bi (mysel- I’m sorry.)

What makes a person attractive to you? (/what's your ideal type)?

-just someone funny and well read. and if they have a nice voice

Where would you like to live?

-somewhere where it isn’t always hot as fuck

One of your insecurities?

-rlly living up to the pfp, I get hair on my chin w I forget to shave sometimes and it’s dark so ppl close to me can def see it w is embarrassing

Your childhood career choice?

-artist

Your favorite ice cream flavor?

-vanilla, but specifically the blue bell one

What's the nicest thing someone has done for you?

-my six yr old cousin threatened to call the police on my mom cuz she thought she was hitting me and then used herself as a shield to “protect” me😭

What's the nicest thing you've done for someone?

-just lending an ear to sm who rlly needed it ig

Where would you want to be right now?

-can’t believe I’m saying this but school, I can’t function w out the constant over looming threat of deadlines, they keep me in check

Sexiest person that comes to your mind immediately? (back off. Oda's mine /j).

-^ I’m gonna have to ask u to step tf away from my wife please. ok but fr no one rlly comes to mind rn

What's one phrase you say often?

-“no thanks” and man does my fam hate it

How many languages can you speak?

-two, English and Spanish

Are you a math or arts girlie?

-ARTS. I fucking hate math sm

Have you ever played candy crush? (it’s ok lol)

-a few times, on my moms phone though cuz ofc that lady was obsessed w it

When a friend wrongs you, do you confront them about it or silently grow distant?

-silently grow distant I need to fix that fr

would you rather initiate physical affection or have someone else suddenly give you physical affection?

-neither tbh

What's your love language/how do you show love to your loved ones?

-acts of service ig

share one random fact you want to share <3

-my fav soda is Pepsi (idk there’s like three bottles rt in front of me and I can’t think of anything else)

ty for the trick or treat asks 🫶

and Happy Halloween to you too 🎃🍬

[bolivia-newton-john2]

i’m venting below the cut

my brother is also disabled and he’s got schizoaffective disorder and he’s really disconnected from reality but convinced he’s fine, anyway when i moved back in with mom at the start of the summer i was looking forward to being able to build a community with him as two disabled sufferers of neuropathic pain. the issue is that he’s had cerebral palsy his whole life (he’s 11 months older than me) and he’s so adamantly convinced that because i’ve been suffering from crps for “only” 3 years and not my whole life that i cannot and will not ever understand what he goes through, even though crps is objectively more painful and disabling than cp, and he throws it in my face all the time saying that i don’t understand his pain and acts like whatever i’m going through is dwarfed by his shit, even though i have two (2) multimillion dollar lawsuits that i’m navigating and am trying to figure out what kind of long term care and treatment i’ll need for the next seventy years so i can adequately negotiate and sue these insurance companies that really just want me to kill myself so they don’t have to pay out. he almost physically attacked me tonight but i threatened to push him down the stairs if he laid a finger on me and then he called me ableist for doing that and said he was gonna call the cops so they would put me in a headlock, which he alleges a security guard did to him when he was institutionalized last year, although nobody at the facility says that actually happened to him and obv they wouldn’t but he also is delusional and ended up institutionalized because he was convinced his neighbors were stalking him and trying to kill him so he started screaming at their 14 year old kid that he was a fascist and told him he would kill the kid if he looked at his house again, which is actually my sister’s house that she bought so he would have a place to live because he had been kicked out of his previous apartment for threatening to rape and impregnate his roommate to have a child that he was convinced would be the second coming of jesus. he’s basically burned every bridge and keeps doing it and his care team thinks our mom (his legal guardian) is overreacting bc they only ever listen to him talk about what’s going on these days and all he does is tell them how our mom is a horrible person who just wants to steal his disability checks and lock him up forever, despite the fact that my mom has been letting him live in her house while he’s on a waiting list for assisted housing and if she didn’t he would be in an institution, in a shelter, or homeless. he’s also recently become convinced that our mom took money from strangers when he was like 5 so they could come to the house and sexually abuse him and keeps telling her that she “prostituted” him when he was a kid every time she asks him to take his recycling bags full of beer cans out. there’s just so much violence in the house rn and it’s making me so scared because i don’t have anywhere else to go because work comp is literally giving me less than $100 a week until we go to hearing in jan or feb and i would also be homeless if i wasn’t living here. i just wanna fuckin die but also not because i’m living spitefully to get a fat check from these bastard insurance companies, but i hate how things are right now. i’m really sad and feeling so small and infuriated and powerless. anyway send vibes.