#anyway uh. I've been working on one of my original books lately and uh. just realized the main villain looks kind of

[transmasc-tabris]

Oh no

[bamber344]

New Beginnings

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man this one gave me a lot of trouble. Sorry for the delay. in my defence I have discovered that there is a decent chance I may be depressed. Which. Makes a lot of sense with the things I've been struggling with lately.

HAH

anyways. Chapter time! Shoutout to my classes for actually putting me in a focused mood for long enough to get this shit done. all things considered I'm pretty damn proud of it. Enjoy!

CWs: discussions of child abuse, transphobia mention, implied sexual content, references to previous oofies (everything that happened with Steve, Jordyn's ongoing abuse, ect)

New Beginnings

Madeline scratched her head, looking at the back of Jordyn’s metal dome as she took in her new living space. Viv had called her yesterday evening, letting her know the whole situation, and that Maddie would be helping out. It made sense. This was generally what Maddie did as co-leader – when she was actually working, anyway – and she was wrapped up in this whole Jordyn business as well. It was just… awkward. She had no idea how to speak to the other woman. Every time they’d interacted, it had either been fleeting or Maddie’d had a specific goal in mind. Now she just… had to talk to her. Eugh.

“You like it?” she forced herself to ask, brushing her fringe out of her eyes. She’d been letting her hair grow out a bit more, though she was keeping the sides shaved. She even had a tiny ponytail going on at the back.

Jordyn shrugged. “It’s pretty similar to where I was living before. Only, I had a toilet and a shower in my room.”

Maddie frowned. “Must have been cramped.”

Jordyn stepped inside, tugging her suitcase along behind her. It didn’t look very full. “What have you got packed in there?” Maddie asked. Maybe there was something she could help her get; actually do her job, and all that.

She put her suitcase down and sat on the bed. “Uh, sleepwear, underwear… my armour cleaning supplies. Some books.”

Madeline cocked her head to the side. “No casual clothes?”

Jordyn shook her head. “I’m not allowed to leave my room without my armour on anyway, so… there wouldn’t be much point.”

Madeline detected a hint of longing in her tone. And fair enough. She knew exactly what it was like to be forced to wear clothes you didn’t want to wear; to long for a certain style, all the while knowing that indulging yourself would be met with brutal punishment. Maybe she and Jordyn had more in common than she originally thought.

She hummed, joining Jordyn on the bed. She still had more specific stuff to go over with Jordyn’s whole orientation – like where the kitchen was, the rules on food, laundry, etcetera – but she wanted to give the woman some time to acclimate to the new space first. Either that meant more awkward silence, or… talking.

“You, uh… You look good,” Jordyn said, staring at the floor.

“Hm?” Maddie questioned. If this was that old crush flaring up, she really didn’t want to stick around. Jordyn was probably a lovely gal, but Madeline had far too much of her own baggage to even consider doing anything with a trauma-case of Jordyn’s calibre.

“Healthy, I mean,” she clarified. “You’ve put on a bit of weight since I last saw you, and you have a bit of a tan.”

Oh. Well, that wasn’t too surprising. Madeline had finally found herself a job, working in a warehouse. It was good exercise for her lethargic body, and exercising more meant eating more as well. She was actually starting to fit into her costume again. The tan was probably just from walking to and from the workplace in the sun, though personally she hadn’t really noticed it. Apparently, Jordyn was keeping a pretty close eye on her. It made sense with the ‘crush’ theory.

“Thanks,” she replied. “I’ve been keeping busy. Uh, more than usual, anyway.”

Jordyn nodded, and silence returned, hanging over them like a thick cloud. Madeline swallowed. She needed to keep this conversation going before she lost her mind.

“So, how do you feel about everything? Moving to the Union and all that?”

“Excited,” Jordyn replied. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been in the facility, with Father or the scientists always looking over my shoulder, coming into my room whenever they want. I still have my duties, and I still have to go in for reports, but… I’m excited to have my own space, y’know?”

Maddie smiled. “I hear you, there. When I was a kid, I wasn’t even allowed to have a door in my room. I had no privacy whatsoever, and with parents as strict as mine were, that made growing up… pretty difficult. Especially considering they were transphobic assholes.”

Jordyn cocked her head to the side, and Madeline predicted her question before she even asked it. She doubted de Vygon gave his test-tube baby a thorough education on queer culture. “What does that mean?”

She took a deep breath. This was not the turn she wanted this conversation to take, but that was just what she got for trying to share a personal anecdote. “Well, ‘trans’ is short for ‘transgender.’ It means I was born anatomically male, but I found out that doesn’t work for me, and decided to become a girl. ‘Transphobic’ means people who don’t like that very much, and would prefer that I stay as a boy, even though it was killing me.”

“...Does that mean you have a penis even though you’re a girl?”

The bluntness of Jordyn’s question made Madeline snort. She couldn’t even get mad; the girl was too damn innocent. “Yes. Anatomy is just anatomy. Gender is social, and doesn’t necessarily have to match up. You could be a man if you wanted to.”

“I don’t want to,” she answered surprisingly quickly.

Madeline smiled. “Me neither.”

“But… How was it killing you?”

Oh boy, they were really getting into it. Oh well, it was probably good for Jordyn to learn. “It’s… hard to describe to people who don’t know the feeling. But, it’s like, looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing someone who isn’t you, but not knowing why. You instinctively expect to see certain features, but they’re not there, and that discrepancy hurts. It’s being drawn to certain styles associated with the opposite gender, seeking out any way you can associate yourself more with the person you feel like inside. And the more you begin to notice the discrepancy, the worse it gets. Once you notice it’s there, you can never ignore it again. The only solace, aside from changing your identity to match your feelings, is total dissociation. And that’s no way to live.

“My parents wouldn’t let me dress in women’s clothes, or change my name or my pronouns, and if they caught me doing something like that, they would withhold food and… and beat me. It got to the point where I decided I would rather die than have to continue living as a boy, the pain was that bad. And the only way I’d get to live as a girl, as my true self, was if I did something drastic. So, I gave my parents an ultimatum. Either they accept me for who I am, or they never see me again. You can probably guess what they picked. I packed a bag full of the only feminine shit I could get my hands on, and I left and never looked back. It was the second-best decision I ever made.”

“Wow…” Jordyn muttered. “That’s… really brave of you. My dad does stuff like that too, but only when I do stuff to deserve it, so it’s not as bad. I can’t imagine ever running away like that. I don’t know how I’d survive.”

Madeline sighed, shaking her head. Try as she might to be apathetic, her heart fucking hurt for this girl. What a shit situation. “That’s the thing, Jordyn. No one deserves to be treated like that, no matter what they do.” She reached out and patted Jordyn on the back of her metal chestplate. “But you don’t have to worry about that anymore. You’ll be safe here. And you can see your dad as much or as little as you like.”

“Well, that’s not strictly true. I still have to see him every day for reports. But it’s okay. He’s my dad; I love him. Even… Even if he hurts me sometimes. I don’t just want to… disappear, you know?”

Madeline’s gut clenched. She rubbed her upper arm, over an old scar from a cigarette burn. It had been over 12 years since she last saw her birth parents. She couldn’t help but wonder what they’d been up to.

She cleared her throat. This conversation was getting a little too real for her. “Should we move on? I’ve still gotta go over some housekeeping stuff with you.”

Jordyn nodded. “Let’s do it.”

—

I sighed, staring across the kitchen longingly at the piece of toast Brianna was eating while I sipped my soup up through a straw. It had barely even been a week and I already couldn’t stand this liquid-only diet. It didn’t help that I was starved for two days before I could even start it. According to the medical team, I’d be allowed some softer foods in the coming weeks, but I wouldn’t be back to my normal diet for at least six. Hopefully, chilli and rice counted as a softer food. I was just lucky the break wasn’t bad enough that my jaw had to be surgically wired shut. Then I’d be screwed for months. 

Living at the Union was… weird, for lack of a better word. I thought it wouldn’t be any different from back at the facility, but clearly I was mistaken. I had to source my own food, for one. No one was cooking meals like back home. I asked Brianna, and she said that she mostly lived off of takeaway, and whatever ‘instant noodles’ were. That didn’t really seem sufficient to me. Father had provided me with a bunch of pre-packaged broths and soups for the duration of my recovery, but once that was over, I wasn’t really sure what I was gonna do.

At least the beds were comfortable. The sleep I’d had after Madeline had finished briefing me was the best sleep of my entire life. It was like lying on a cloud. The privacy was nice, too; knowing there was never any chance that Father could walk into my room without warning.

I was mostly passing the time reading, or drawing, or talking to Brianna, or trying out that ‘painting’ thing Vivienne had shown me. I wasn’t quite as good at it as I was with drawing yet, but I was confident I could get there with some practice. It was really relaxing, and it felt good when an idea started to actually form into a finished product. It would be nice to get to work out as well, but I still wasn’t cleared for strenuous activity yet. Thanks again, Mr. Beaumond…

Someone just entered the conference room. No, a group of people. Vivienne, Madeline, Ashley, and… someone else who I couldn’t identify with just my shadows.

Inspired by the way Brianna used her smoke powers, for the past week I’d been laying down a very thin cloud of shadows, spread out around all the main parts of the Union HQ. Anytime someone moved through it, the cloud sent a ripple all the way back to me, and I’d be able to tell where everyone was and roughly what they were doing. It took a bit of concentration to use, but with all of this free time, I was quickly getting the hang of it. It was just… a little overwhelming, being in this unfamiliar new environment, and having an eye on everything helped me feel more secure.

I got up, wandering over to the conference room to see what was going on. It must have been something important if Ashley, Madeline, and Vivienne were all there.

“So, the plan is to get you set up in one of our rooms for now. We might need to make some modifications to accommodate for your injuries, but it shouldn’t take longer than a few hours to do that,” came Madeline’s voice, echoing down the hall as I approached.

“Until then, you and I can go and grab lunch or something,” Vivienne said. “After you’ve put your stuff away, of course.”

“Thank you both,” said a familiar, husky voice. I froze right at the corner of the entrance, my heart pounding in my chest. “Seriously, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Well, if it wasn’t for what you did, we’d still be pretty much completely in the dark about this whole situation,” Ashley said. “This is the least we can do to pay you back.”

“How… is that whole situation going, by the way?” the newcomer asked. “Vivienne’s been keeping me mostly in the loop, but I heard-”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that out in the open,” Madeline interrupted. 

My whole body flushed with adrenaline; sweat pricking at the back of my neck. I wanted to throw up. There was no way I could mistake that voice, not after all of the sleepless nights I spent hearing him scream in my memories.

Steve Matthews was at the Union.

“Right, sorry,” he said. “So, can I check out my room?”

“Sure thing, uncle,” Vivienne chirped.

They were coming this way. In a few seconds, Steve and Vivienne would be rounding that corner, and I’d come face-to-face with him again for the first time since that night. What was I supposed to do? What could I possibly say to him after what I did?

I turned and ran back to my room as fast as I could.

—

Brianna gently ran her fingers along my belly, tracing the indented scar Father gave me after I lost the sniper team all those months ago. My body buzzed with the remnants of our previous activities; relaxation and fatigue clawing at me and dragging me into a restful nap with Brianna at my back.

I’d finally been cleared for strenuous activity again, which meant exercise and patrols and reporting to Father, but it also meant getting to work off my anxieties with Brianna. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been waiting for this. My jaw still hurt, so we couldn’t really kiss as much as I wanted to or try any of that other stuff with my mouth, but it was okay. Brianna could easily make up for it, and she said that my hands were more than sufficient. Honestly, I was mostly here just for this; being held, feeling her warm, soft body pressing against my back. It didn’t make the ache from my whip scars go away entirely, but it was much easier to ignore them with her arms surrounding me. It was easier to forget about everything eating away at the back of my mind.

My half-lidded eyes caught on something, breaking the monotony of the brown bed sheets we were lying on. A single red hair, resting peacefully on the pillow. There was only one person I knew in the Union with hair that colour. Come to think of it, Brianna had mentioned that she did stuff like this with Vivienne too, didn’t she? Imagining that made my lower abdomen tingle. I wanted to do this stuff with Vivienne, too. If only I didn’t have this stupid rule about not showing my face. Maybe I could ask Vivienne to wear a blindfold?

It was a funny idea, but not one I was ever going to follow up on. The only reason this happened was because Brianna initiated it. I was still far too nervous around Vivienne to make the first move.

Inevitably, thinking about Vivienne led to thinking about her uncle. Steve had now been living at the Union for a full week, and I’d been doing my utmost to avoid ever running into him. My cloud of shadows made it easy to keep track of where he was, but it didn’t stop him from spending time in the places I wanted to be, forcing me to hide away in my room, bored out of my mind.

I really shouldn’t blame him; it wasn’t his fault I was too afraid to go anywhere near him. On the contrary, it was entirely my fault. It was my fault he was wheelchair-bound, attending painful physical therapy appointments almost daily. It was my fault he needed help to get into bed, and onto the toilet, and with making food. It was my fault he woke up nearly every night, gasping and sweating from nightmares. It was my fault his life and body were irreparably broken, and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I could barely even look Vivienne in the eye anymore; not after I overheard her explain all of that to Brianna, voice tired and heartbroken.

“Hey,” Brianna said, squeezing me tighter for a second. “What’s wrong?”

I blinked, and realised I was crying. I hurriedly wiped the tears away, sniffling. “N-nothing.”

Brianna softly kissed the back of my head. “Come on, you can tell me. I promise I’ll keep it a secret.”

As much as my immediate instinct was to deny, deny, deny, my helmet was in the corner right now, facing the wall. If I whispered, I could tell Brianna anything I wanted, and Father would never find out. Obviously, I couldn’t just… tell her what happened between Steve and me, but maybe I could… dance around it a little. Present a vague, similar situation to my own, and see if maybe she could give me any advice. If things kept going the way they were, I was either going to lose my friends or lose my mind; I needed some help.

I took a deep breath, trying to formulate my thoughts in a way that wouldn’t reveal too much. “What would you do if… if you were forced to do something against your will that really really hurt someone you care about, but they didn’t know about it? Like… they didn’t know it was you that did it. But the guilt is still eating you up even months afterward?”

A long silence passed, and my anxiety steadily grew until Brianna replied. “Damn, that’s a tough one,” she said. “I… well, I think an important thing to consider is the fact that, if you were forced, it isn’t your fault, even if it really feels like it is.”

“Yeah, but… I could’ve chosen not to…” I muttered.

“That kinda defeats the purpose of ‘forced,’ don’t you think? If someone told me that they would kill my family unless I did a bunch of horrible shit, it would be really fucking hard for me to say no to that, you get me?”

“I guess…”

“Either way, I think you should fess up and apologise to the person if you ever get the opportunity. I know it’s probably pretty scary to think about, but don’t you think that person deserves – if not amendments – at least an apology? Who knows, maybe they’ll understand and forgive you. And even if they don’t, at least you’ll have finally gotten it off your chest.”

I hummed, trying to take her words to heart. She was probably right, but even thinking about finding Steve and apologising right now made me want to curl into a ball and disappear.

Brianna sensed my discomfort. She wrapped herself around me even tighter. “You don’t have to do anything right now, Jean Shorts. You can just stay here with me tonight.”

I let out a breath, letting that comforting idea wash over me as I turned and buried my face against her warm skin.

Wait… what?

“Jean shorts?” I questioned.

“You know. Jordyn. Jordy. Jords. Jorts. Jean Shorts. It’s a nickname.”

If Brianna could see, I would have been staring at her in confused disbelief. As it was, I just chuckled and closed my eyes.

Jean Shorts.

She was so silly.

—

I found him in a common room, late at night when there was no risk of anyone else intruding. My armour and helmet were still back in my dorm, stuffed into the corner with the lights off so that Father wouldn’t see me leave, assuming I was sleeping. My shadows covered the light from the hallway when I opened the door, and from there I wrapped a mask of darkness around my face and crept through the corridors. I was dressed in nothing but my sleepwear; a tanktop and briefs. It was as vulnerable as I could possibly make myself without stripping entirely. I wanted this interaction to be on as even ground as possible, and I couldn’t do that if I was still in that horrible black cage, with Father listening to every word I said.

Steve had his wheelchair rolled up against the wall, watching a movie on the TV. He looked calm. Relaxed. I didn’t want to ruin it. My gut screamed at me to just turn and go back to bed. I grit my teeth, trying to resist. This needed to happen, whether either of us wanted it or not.

I cleared my throat, stepping out of the shadows in the hallway. Steve looked up, his brows furrowing when he saw my exposed form.

“Is… Is that you, Jordyn?”

Part of me expected him to still sound the way he did that night; raspy and weak. Instead, his voice was as strong and clear as it had ever been.

I nodded, the shadows around my head bobbing along with me. “Y-yeah.”

His brow unfurrowed, but his face remained unparseable and blank. “I heard you were staying here too. Though, you’re so elusive I was starting to think I imagined Vivienne telling me.”

I swallowed nervously. “You were… looking for me?”

He shrugged. “Well, I haven’t seen you since I was hospitalised. I wanted to see how you were.”

I ignored the implied question in his words, letting the silence between us fester. My feelings didn’t matter. I just needed to rip the bandaid off. “Listen, detective. It… I… I don’t really know how to say this, but…”

“I know it was you,” he calmly said, interrupting me. “It’s pretty hard to mistake that voice when you’ve got your helmet on.”

It took me a second to process his words, but when they finally hit, my stomach dropped. “What? Y-you… you knew the whole time?”

He nodded. “Don’t worry. I didn’t tell anyone. As far as Vivienne and the Union know, I was attacked by one of de Vygon’s agents.”

That made no sense. I could barely wrap my head around the concept. “I… why?” 

“I don’t know. I guess, I didn’t want to alienate you further from everyone else. What happened wasn’t your fault. It was de Vygon’s. It’s not like you did all that out of your own desire to hurt me.” He looked away, staring back at the TV screen.

“But… But, I crippled you! B-because of me, you’ll never walk straight again!”

“Because of de Vygon,” Steve corrected, though there was pain in his eyes at my words. “You don’t blame the gun for shooting someone; you blame the person who pulled the trigger.”

“I-!” I paused, absorbing his meaning. Something in the core of my being shivered; an uncomfortable idea starting to form in the bottom of my mind. “I… I’m not a gun, though. I’m a person. I’m his daughter.”

Steve sighed, glancing back over with his eyes pinching at the edges. The pity in his gaze made me want to throw up. “As far as he’s concerned, you might as well be. The way he treats you; it’s not how any parent should treat their kid. He uses you as a weapon, pointing you at his enemies and pulling the trigger.”

A gun. A weapon. Just some… thing to bolster his police force and do his bidding. Was that really how Father saw me? No, it couldn’t be.

I looked down. “I… I know he doesn’t treat me right. I know that I have… so much less freedom than everyone else. But, he’s still my father, and I owe him my life. Nothing will change that. Regardless of who gave the order, it was still me that hurt you. I could have decided not to, but I did it anyway, because he asked. B-because… I can choose. You can’t say it wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Steve insisted.

“But-!”

“What would he have done to you if you hadn’t complied?” he asked. “No one else is listening. You aren’t wearing your helmet. You can tell me.”

…He was right. I could tell him. I could finally get the crushing fear of Father’s exact retribution off of my chest, and there was no way it could get back to him. But was that a good idea? I didn’t know.

But I’d come too far to stop now.

I took a deep breath, centering myself. “Th-there’s this… thing he does. I don’t know how he does it, but when he’s mad, he can make it so that it feels like my whole body is on fire, a-and I can’t move. B-but that’s usually for small things. If I refused to do what… what I did, I’d probably be banned from eating, and have to spend a few days in the penalisation room. He, um… He chains me up against the wall in uncomfortable positions, a-and then leaves me there for hours. O-or, he could beat me, or cut me. I- I know now that it isn’t normal, o-or good, but it’s just… how we are. It’s how we work. When I disobey him, Father hurts me. That’s just the way it is. If I really didn’t want to do it, I could’ve said so, and dealt with the consequences. I’ve been through them before.”

The anguished look on Steve’s face was like a knife in the gut. It wasn’t that bad, was it?

He rubbed his face, looking away. “Shit, kid. I’m so sorry.”

I sighed, trying not to think about that too much. “See? It’s my fault.”

He chuckled humourlessly, squeezing his eyes shut. “Jordyn. You were coerced into it under threat of fucking torture. There is no conceivable way it was your fault and not his. You wouldn’t have even thought about doing it if he hadn’t ordered you to in the first place. And it’s clear it’s been eating you up ever since. I don’t know what I can say to convince you that it wasn’t your fault, but clearly you came to me looking for something. What? Forgiveness? Absolution? You can have it! I know… I know the hurt isn’t gonna go away just like that, but I don’t blame you for what happened. I never did. It wasn’t your fault. You were just… a scared, abused little girl doing whatever she could to avoid getting hurt again. You’re still doing it. Because, if you think that it wasn’t your fault, then it’s his fault, and that’s a dangerous train of thought for you. So you’re taking the blame as much as possible to protect yourself from retribution.”

It felt like I could barely breathe. My cheeks were wet. “I… I don’t…” I trailed off. I didn’t know what to say.

Steve pursed his lips, looking at me like he could see right through the shadows and to the heart of my being. He sighed. “Let’s just… forget about everything, just for tonight. There’s no reason to hash it all out right now. Come on, sit down. We can watch this movie together.” He forced a shaky smile. “It’s good, I promise.”

I blankly nodded, stumbling over to the couch and pulling a blanket over my exposed form. It was weird to be out here without anything on.

He was right, though. Everything he said made too much sense. I just… didn’t know what to do with it all, crushing me from the inside until my lungs collapsed. But, in the meantime, the movie was pretty good. Distraction would have to do for now.

Taglist: @steelandblood @sapphicwhump @urnumber1star @alsolucakairomi @thataquaticwhumper

@iamheretohurt @anoyedartist @dontyoubleedoutonme @seastarblue @lettherebepain

@bacillusinfection

For a second I thought i'd actually written Maddie POV where she doesn't mention Rosie even once but then I remembered how Rosie is implied in the line 'it was the second-best decision i ever made' (the first-best being proposing to Rosie lol) She really never leaves Maddie's mind even for a second.

Hope y'all enjoyed! let me know what you thought in a comment or reblog! see y'all next time for one I'm very excited for ;)

Seriously I've been planning this next chapter for fucking months. be there or be square

[kiwi-luminaryofthestars]

02/18/2025 "Fiction and Feast" Progress Update:

God dammit. I wrote like a whole four paragraphs for a progress update and tumblr crashed and completely deleted it. So you're going to get the bits and pieces I remember lol.

I edited one whole page today, look at me go. Yeah, my brain was too mushy for anything more, but I think it's because I'm getting sick. Haven't been able to focus at all (I compared it to Artrax drowning in the Swamp of Sadness in the Neverending Story in my original draft, but I'm too annoyed that it got deleted to try again so just imagine I had a really funny metaphor about a depressed horse.)

I'm admittedly a little stuck on the mudslide scene. Why is there anything having to do with a mudslide in a vampire fic? Your guess is as good as mine, friend.

I've never written anything about natural disasters or even inclement weather at all, so this is interesting new territory for me. Action in general I have a hard time with, which frustrates me because I really, really like writing action. It's some of the funnest stuff to experiment with.

(This is nerdy so sorry in advance) One of my favorite books of all time, "The Knife of Never Letting Go" by Patrick Ness, was a huge inspiration to me growing up for action scenes. If you've never read it, highly recommend, but the way he writes action (or at least suspenseful scenes) is he ignores pretty much all rules of writing. It turns into pages of frantic chaos-- experimenting with where the words are positioned on the page; forgoing punctuation; bolding, italicizing, and even changing the fonts of some words-- and I take MASSIVE inspiration from him when I write (though dammit I couldn't ever do it justice.) I don't really go as crazy as he does (mostly because I'm sure that would turn some people off lol), but I do still very much toy with where paragraphs end and begin, which is something he places a lot of importance on in that book. And I thought it might be interesting, considering one of this fic's subjects is books (hence the "fiction"), to step outside of my comfort zone with this scene and style it differently. But, clearly I'm having some troubles with it. Surely that's to be expected, though, if I'm trying something new out.

You still here? Great, here's more rambling about other shit. Void journal, like I said.

Since I didn't have any energy/brain power to write, I did a lot of reading during my breaks at work (only self-indulgent reading, we're greedy here). I read through a lot of my komahina fic I have four chapters of posted. Uh, don't read that one, 'cause I'm probably going to delete it and either just never let it see the light of day or redo it at some point in the late future. I have a whole fucking 72K words I've not released but it's because I've realized how much I hate it (or at least parts of it, I still really like a lot of the dialogue I've written, which I guess just makes it more tragic.) Sad it took me SO MANY WORDS to realize that, but I digress. And I've learned from a small stint on ao3 years ago with another fandom that I will not and should not continue to release something that I hate or I'm going to stop writing for two years and leave a bunch of people hanging on a huge fic with only 4 chapters left with no intention of finishing it. So now it's just a for-me thing that I can make fun of.

I fucking love komahina btw; that was THE ship for me when I first played Danganronpa.

Anyway, incoherent rambling finished. If you've made it this far, I hope you have a good night. I'm falling asleep listening to this. So pretty, so very sleepy.

[erstwhilesparrow]

sparrow!! 15 and or 37 for the writer asks? 🥺❣️

quinn!! :D hello :] talking about my wips got long ^^;

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

GREAT questions. jesus fuck. saying two trout gasping on a june shore feels like cheating because that's just the longest fic i've written in the past two years, but. it's fun! there's lots of characters having dramatic conversations! there's a fight scene! there's cartography! could do some really upsetting cgi wings, even.

37. Talk about your current wips.

hehehe >:3 uh. okay. there's a lot of them. list:

original work about a professor slash hagiographer and the IT support worker she's roped into her wild dreams of writing a completely comprehensive book on the mechs that they call saints. this one's for something that might get submitted to contests / journals, which is why i haven't really talked about it anywhere. i'm putting off working on it right now to answer this ^^; i've been on a real mech kick lately.

limited life mean gills selkie au, inspired by / set in the same universe as a fic by the inimitable soapflowers! i know several of those words don't mean anything to you, but listen. what if you were a selkie and the pretty fisherman who showed up on the edge of your waters sometimes was charming and quick-witted and lured you into his house, and then he locked your pelt in a chest in his basement and kept you like a trophy. what if you got sick and all the food he offered you smelled like poison and he wore the key to the chest around his neck like a taunt, but he also stroked your hair and called you perfect and picked you up when your unsteady legs gave out on you. you're not kidnapped, you're fine, you're just not feeling very well right now, so of course you'll do what he says. he's taking care of you; seals are solitary creatures, and here is the first person in a long time who will look out for you. the food is fine. the knife on his belt has nothing to do with you.

secret life pearl/lizzie. i've been trying to write this one for MONTHS. it should only really be 2k at most once i've actually got it on the page but i keep! not doing it!! from one point of view, it's about recognizing your past self in someone who may well be past the point of no return on their path to self-destruction, but wanting to reach out anyway, to have proof that you could have been seen and known and cared for even then. from another point of view, it's about being patronized to and invisible and always caught up in the stories of people who shine more brightly than you. it's about weighing your secrets and it's also about secrets you didn't mean to share but that the other person has anyway.

third life flower husbands mech au. remember how i said i've been on a mech kick lately. i've been thinking about how... okay, mechs are about bodies. they're about bodies in a lot of ways. what does that look like when you translate it to minecraft, or even more broadly to video games? what's a body in a game? my feeling is they stop being about physical needs and space so much and start being more about reputation and performance. a body in a game like minecraft is hard to touch in non-violent ways, but very easy to see. a mech towers over the average human -- it draws your eye, it tells you something about its pilot and/or its creator via its design, its weaponry, the way it moves through space. a mech battle can be an actual battle but it can also be an ideological disagreement, in which someone's particular worldview is embodied in steel and bullets. a mech as a way of communicating a message. a mech as the clearest form of communication you have available to you, in a world where the commands you give to a pilot are the strongest and most physical tether you have to each other, because the game doesn't even let you hug.

there's lots of other stuff sort of floating in the background that might happen at some point: some kind of meditation on timekeeping and how time is a way that people can be brought into or out of a community (wra pix au?); something about histories that won't be laid to rest and people who lash out when cornered, even/especially with people they care about (shadowrot secret life relationship study); classic triangulation of desire in which you fuck someone while desperately imagining a different person in their place (fwhip/pix two trout smutfic)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Hakuo Gakuen Story Vol 3. Saito·Kaoru-hen

...have i mentioned that i hate summer? because i hate summer.

Anyway, this was originally published in GS杂志2014年5月号. I've realized that these stories were re-published in one of the SSL books because I sorta remember graphics for these stories... and while I'm pretty sure I've uploaded them before, I am waaaay too lazy to go look them up right now.

Hakuoki SSL Hakuo Gakuen Story Vol 3. Saito·Kaoru-hen

Translation by KumoriYami

This is what happened the day after the entrance ceremony in April.

"Although you haven't been enrolled for a long time, since you've become a member of the Disciplinary Committee, you will confirming which students are late from the list of names with me every morning.."

“That's fine."

"Your name is Nagumo, right? Why do you want to join the Disciplinary Committee?

"It doesn't matter... I guess I don't have a reason.

"Ah, my apologies. I didn't intend to be so intrusive, but with the work the Disciplinary Committee does, it's easy to attract the envy of the other students. That's why, very few students are willing to take on this role. It can even be said that there are very students who would volunteer to become a member of the Disciplinary Committee."

"...Then, why did you join the Disciplinary Committee."

"Me? That… I thought that in order have the ideal campus life, it's necessary to have disciplinary standards adhered to. After becoming high schoolers, many students mistakenly believe that they've become adults, and they shout about the need for freedom. However, by being punctual… only by complying with these rules can we be strict with ourselves, compete with others, and improve the lives of those around us. I think that's the attitude that a real high school student should have."

“How can you speak so rigidly/inflexibly, or talk about such old-fashioned concepts."

"It's true, perhaps the concepts are old-fashioned. However, I believe that it's one of the ways to put the basic idea of "becoming a samurai" at Hakuo Gakuen into practice."

"It doesn't matter what other people think of me. Because my goal as a member of the Disciplinary Commiittee is to be able to stand here every morning, just like I'm doing now."

"I see… with a member of the Disciplinary Committee standing here, it's possible that the students will realize that they are late. Well, I didn't expect to learn this from you as a first year. Nagumo, you'll become a splendid member of the Disciplinary Committee. Please look after me in the future."

"…….It doesn't matter. I'm saying that this wasn't for the sake of becoming a member of the Disciplinary Committe."

"In any case, what's with the notebook that you've been holding in your hand just now?"

"Ah, this? This is… I use it to keep a list of the students' names who aren't suitable (for Chizuru). If I don't record their names and they do their bad points beforehand, it will cause problems later (when thinking about revenge). Then, Ill be able to get a firm handle on their attitudes (towards Chizuru). (As an older brother) this is what i whould be doing."

"So that's how it is. To get those students who are not suitable to Hakuo Gakuen to make fresh starts… how reliable."

"I always feel… that we're never on the same page."

"No, I feel that I've been able to adequately understand your thoughts. Alright, let's start our work as members of the Disciplinary Committee!"

"Oh, oohh."

"Good morning, Saito-senpai!"

"Morning, Yukimura... Nn, there' still quite a lot of time before homeroon. You need to remember to be like this in the future and ensure that you hvae plenty of time to spare before getting here."

"Yes, I'll try to do that!"

"Speaking of which, whre is Heisuke? You didn't go to school together today?"

"He apparently has morning practice today, so he left for school very early..."

"No, I didn't seem him… maybe I just didn't notice him. You don't need to worry about it, just head to your classroom."

"Yes... uh, by the way, why is Kaoru standing here?"

"Hmph, you'd actually question someone like this as soon as you see them. Can't you even say hello in the morning?"

"Ah... um, I'm sorry. Good morning, Kaoru."

"……Morning."

"Uh, Kaoru, you... what are you doing here?"

"It appears that my slow-witted younger sister didn't notice that I was wearing this armband, so I'll be merciful and tell you. I became a member of the Disciplinary Committee."

"Kaoru became a member of the Disciplinary Committee!?"

"Indeed. Nagumo is a very reliable member of the Disciplinary Committee. I hope that you'll continue to support him in the future.."

"Ha... yes."

"...That's how it is."

"Ye-Yes. Please look after me."

"Good, then let's start the day at Hakuo Gakuen, Yukimura."

"……Yes!"

---to be continued---

Just in case: Kaoru vs Chizuru for colours.

[ladytauria]

hey liv sorry in advance i am nosy

🍓🐇🧃🪐🍬🦷🦋🦴🪲

dont be sorry! i enjoy nosy uwu

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

hmm

i was 12. my favorite tv show at the time was this old disney cartoon, "super robot monkey team hyper force go" (abbreviated as SRMTHFG or SRMTHG. i prefer the first but plenty of people use the second.) it was canceled after its 4th season and, uh. the ending was SO bad. like, major major cliffhanger.

anyway, i was looking up... i don't even remember at the time. and i discovered deviantart, and i discovered this person's OCs. read a lot about them, including some fanfic, and then eventually discovered fanfiction.net

i didn't realize what it was at first; i thought it was just a writing in general site? and i was like oh! i can share the book i'm working on! (i have been trying to write a novel since i was 10). and then as i was looking into where i would post it, i realized what it actually was. (no, the title didn't give it away. idk why.)

so then i was like oh!!! this is really cool actually!!! and i wrote my first fanfic xD

that was in 2011? so i was 12, almost 13.

and i've been reading & writing fic ever since~

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?

okay so this is a tough question

bc like

i love love love love love second person.

like.

*adore* it.

second person, present tense is my absolute fave, but past tense is good too. (i have written an entire sapphic little mermaid retelling [12k words i think] in second person. uh, it needs revisions but it's a full draft. i opened it it the other day and im still so proud of it uwu)

howEVER. outside of writing second person w/o ever explicitly naming the pov character i have not actually written a reader-insert? so for that reason alone i will have to say 'prefer writing oc's'

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

uhh

hm

i'm a chronic oversharer (mostly in the tags) so that's kind of tough!

ah! since my grandmother's memory issues started, i've been doing about half of the cooking (it's been a bit of a battle, as she keeps trying to do everything xD) and i've cooked a lot of new things this year!! i've gotten very good at cooking pork chops. which 🤔 now that i bring that up, i might make friday! or tonight, but they're still in the freezer, so...

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

my grandmother's memory situation has improved a lot!! it's still not great, but like. strides ahead of where we were 7-8 months ago!

my anxiety has been much kinder to me this year <3 i've made some very lovely friends this year~

mmm, oH, my energy levels have been fantastic this year. i didn't realize just how bad they had gotten until i started these new meds, and now i'm just. <333 much better.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

hm

idk if i have any unpopular opinions...? i mean. i'm sure i must, but... nothing immediately comes to mind ^^;

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

hmmm

recently been trying to get in the habit of summarizing what i want to do before i start writing. it makes the process much easier, if ik a bit about what i want to do before going in?

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i am much better at being patient than i ever gave myself credit for in the past <3

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

i can't think of one piece in particular, as the places i find inspiration are. all over the board?

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

picked a wip from my open tabs at random! funnily enough this is also the one i ended up doing for the emoji ask xD

it's also almost triple what this asked for but once i started writing i couldn't stop <3

He swallows, staring up at Tim. Jason has had plenty of practice reading people through a domino, but. He has no reference for the look Tim is giving him now. Only that it— That the feeling it gives him is… is new and strange. He has no name for it, the way his stomach feels fluttery and tight, his scalp and fingers tingling. His mouth opens—but all that escapes is a stuttery puff of air. That’s okay. He doesn’t know what he was going to say anyway. Tim hooks a gloved finger under his chin; tipping his face up. He leans in, slowly—so slow that Jason— There’s nothing keeping him there. He could run. Turn away. But he feels caught, feet anchored in place. Tim’s mouth touches his, and all thought leaves him. Jason has never been kissed before.

[ writers truth or dare ask game ]

[aprillikesthings]

YAY I'M OFF WORK until Monday

IT'S TIME FOR MORE SHE-RA REWATCH

s2 ep6 Light Spinner

just read the synopsis on the wikipedia episode list and Oof this one is going to be hard

Edit: oof I jumped around a lot, including mentions of the bible, my fave art, other cartoons and (predictably, for an episode about Shadow Weaver) my own history as a child abuse survivor and my dad dying. So, uh, you've been warned?

okay

let's do this

do they mention why she covers her face at this point? I forget

okay so true story and totally off topic but I get distracted every time Micah's name is mentioned because my favorite verse of the Bible is from the book of Micah. It's the fave verse of a lot of people lol I'm not unique. But yeah, Micah 6:8:

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord ask of you, But to do justice, and to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?

I've half-joked for years now that if enough of your childhood report cards say any variation on "They have so much potential if they'd only apply themselves" you should get diagnosed with ADHD without further questions.

Hordak: why is Shadow Weaver still fucking HERE Catra: bc I like getting a chance to taunt her >:3 I MEAN, uh, she's a good source of information? Hordak: she needs to get to Beast Island, I don't like having her around she knows too damn much Catra: but she can't actually do anything without her fancy-ass magic rock

*power goes out*

Entrapta: ha ha WHOOPSIE Catra: wtf are you DOING

Hordak: stop bothering my girlfriend Catra: wtf??? Entrapta: Entrapta: uhhhhh did I interrupt something Hordak: no it's fine bb don't worry about it <3 Hordak: ANYWAY Catra get that witch to tell you shit and then GET RID OF HER or I'LL GET RID OF YOU Catra: >:(

In all seriousness I remember watching this episode and thinking: lol omg are they ship-baiting this???

And then the usual culprits did the "yOu cAnT sHiP tHaT" and I started reblogging content of it out of sheer fucking spite. Also at least one writer for the show is like "y'all Entrapta is in her late 20's/early 30's" and--wait hold on I know there's screenshots from twitter of the same person:

But yeah stuff in later seasons made me cackle with laughter because it's not even subtle. At all.

Anyway you gotta be careful about spite-shipping. That's how I ended up having a lot of feelings about Jaspis from SU, ha ha WHOOPS

jfc this and a previous line (talking about "gifted students") and it's like...why are y'all having her quote all the shit my teachers said trying to encourage me and only traumatizing me.

mmmm don't like that

I know I keep harping on how textbook of an abuser she is, but I love that the clues were there already. This is the kind of shit abusers do! Look at how controlling and possessive she is, but in a way that outsiders will just see as "she's a very invested/involved teacher."

gahhhhhh

plot plot plot the Horde is already invading, the Princesses are useless against them, our leaders aren't doing SHIT, anyway the sorcerers are meeting tomorrow and I hope they let me boss them around into agreeing with me

this shot of the moons over Etheria reminds me of one of my fave artists--these pieces are layered resin, and I keep meaning to buy some prints of theirs. (One day I want to own an original. ;_; I love the way they use colors and the layers and just the daydreamy vibes of so much of their work.)

(More of their stuff here)

plot plot Scorpia and Catra talk about how Catra doesn't want to send Shadow Weaver to Beast Island and Scorpia is surprised Beast Island is real and not a scary story they tell kids

Catra: but but but Shadow Weaver can tell us shit!

Scorpia: anyway I thought you hated her??? Catra: you wouldn't understand >:(

I understand. I hate that I understand it. UGH.

plot plot Light Spinner tries to convince the sorcerers that the Horde is a threat, and points out they've taken the Black Garnet, and says let's cast a big spell together and GET SOME POWERRRR

Sorcerer dude: that spell is FUCKED, absolutely not [for real the way he talks about it sounds kiiiinda like The One Ring] Light Spinner: fuck yOU

OH so I didn't quote it but Catra says the same line earlier, about Hordak: "After everything I've done he still doesn't trust me"

Catra is trying to save Shadow Weaver's life and Shadow Weaver is like...meh. But hey can you bring me an old trinket that's of sentimental value? I will never ask you to do anything else.

[I am Suspicious.]

back in time, Light Spinner manipulates Micah into doing the Big Scary Spell with her, they accidentally unleash a hORRIFYING MONSTER

(I'm suddenly reminded of the last two episodes of Gravity Falls. It never ceases to amuse me that Alex Hirsch was told he couldn't do all kinds of totally innocent things, but he could have, well, the shit in the last two episodes. I remember telling my then-boyfriend that the intro of those last episodes had shots that looks like actual nightmares I've had)

Oh also the flailing disembodied hands remind me of some of the early episodes about the Cluster in Steven Universe. Remember Garnet finding some of the early fusion experiments made with broken bits of gems?

Aaugh.

(Also remember when Peridot was still kinda spooky and scary?)

OKAY SORRy wow I'm distracted tonight.

yeah that didn't work so great

And that's what messed up Shadow Weaver's face, and she throws a fit at everyone and calls them "weak" and uhhh murders at least one of them?

face-touching! the only way she's able to show any affection at all...but only ever to manipulate people in her charge. anyway she disappears after that.

Catra is not going to get a satisfying answer. One of the reasons it was a relief when my dad died was that I could let go of ever having any hope of him explaining to any kind of satisfaction why he did what he did. (He did apologize, once; in the most manipulative and self-serving way possible, when I was 35--at the time I thought maybe it meant something, but eventually I realized he'd actually made things worse, because he'd taken away any belief I might've clung to that he didn't know any better at the time.)

In any case, Shadow Weaver's answer is basically "You're just like me, and my life was hard, so why should yours be easy?" Like that old line about how people who suffer through hard things have one of two reactions: Either "why shouldn't you also suffer, you're not better than me," and "nobody should have to suffer like I did."

;_;

I understand Catra so much. You still want that love. You can't not. You know you won't get it, not the way you need it, and you settle for a facsimile.

I'm gonna throw myself into the sun

And then we go back in time to see the arrival of baby!Adora, like as an actual infant. They don't say where she got her.

Hordak: "I arrived too late. I found something but it's useless. Put it with the other infants in the infirmary."

"It." bleh.

Shadow Weaver: hmmm that's one powerful baby. Hordak: ugh, weirdo. You can have it. But ffs it's being noisy take it somewhere else.

Shadow Weaver's just like: oh sweet I get to start from scratch with this one.

Anyway under her tray of food that Catra brought her was her sorcerer's guild...thing. That she asked for earlier in the episode. Which means Catra did bring it to her.

And Shadow Weaver's gone.

This explains part of why Catra gets worse for the next like two seasons. She tried to extend a kindness to Shadow Weaver--keeping her from being sent to Beast Island, giving her the trinket thing, offering to work together since Shadow Weaver thinks they have so much in common, right? But it bites her in the ass so bad.

So why should she be kind to anyone? When has anyone been kind to her? When has Catra being kind to anyone ever improved her life or made it easier?

But yeah the trinket had some kinda magic dust in it and Shadow Weaver escaped, and Catra had a (very understandable) meltdown about it.

Back in Bright Moon, the Best Friends Squad is using the moon alignment to get a clearer signal on Bow's track pad: "Serenia. Portal. Mara." AAAAND end of episode.

Yeah I was right. That was a rough one.

[l-e-morgan-author]

Writing Newsletter #3: May 2024

Still not figured out website hosting, so this is still on here. I also haven't edited the two stories I plan to provide as a signup gift, so that's not ready yet. Anyway, if you want to be on the taglist for this monthly newsletter, say the word and I'll add you.

Writing update

As of yesterday, I finished drafting Patience, Changing. I wrote Hannah's death and it was hard, but I think what I have, while not particularly good, is a building block for the next draft. It's been a lot of fun, and now I'm putting away the project as a whole, ideally for at least a month. I have a lot of fragments as well as the main draft and novellas; they'll need some tidying, and various bits will probably be worked into longer pieces, but I want to give myself a break from the whole project. Word count wise, the novel itself clocks in at 84k (was planned to be 81k), and the total word count is 144k, having added around 29k since last month.

I had originally intended to go back to Metamorphosis of a Girl (Hadassah's story) once I was done with this, but there's a whump challenge I want to write for and the only one that will satisfy that is Hands Made for Gentleness. I'm considering making that my main project, at least for now, and also starting to work on To Kindle a Flame in the background again. I had conversations the other day that made me reread a scene; I unexpectedly really liked what I had, and the writing wasn't as clunky as I'd expected. I'm considering scrapping the 2020 draft completely and working solely from the 2021 draft and the notes I've made since.

I have worked a little (to the tune of 3k) on Hands Made for Gentleness this month. Looking back at my statistics, I actually wrote the most I've written for it so far in February 2023, when I wrote just shy of 10k. I always think I've written more for it than I have, partly because of how important every single word is to it. I need to write more downtime between them, I think; it's always so intense, and while that's kind of necessary to the kind of book it is, it's in its present state not something I personally would sit down and read in one sitting. I think I need to dial the intensity back just a little, so that the moments that are intense can really hit the spot. That's probably a revising-me point, though. I'm missing so much from this draft that will need to be added in later drafts; indeed I'm starting to be slightly nervous about the idea of tackling it, because of the sheer number of notes I've left for myself already, and I'm only 33k into the draft (plus a few thousand of assorted other stuff, including the prequel I want to revise at some point.... it takes it up to a combined total of 41k).

Reading update

I've been reading a handful of memoirs this month. First I read A Grief Observed (reread, specifically for handling Hannah's death in Patience, Changing), then Bones: Anorexia, OCD and Me (first time read, and I won't be rereading it: I don't recommend it), Girl, Interrupted (not as good as its popularity would suggest to me), and As I Disappear... (a very short poetry thing). There were also a few that didn't get onto my goodreads because I gave up on reading them before I actually bought them (all ED focused). I'm currently reading the same books as I was reading last month (Cry of the Raven, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, and Walking on Water) as well as starting a reread of Pat of Silver Bush. Thinking of rereading Pride and Prejudice presently.

Ramble

Oh uh. I note that last time I wrote that my mental health has been comparatively amazing lately, which is... still true? Which is Impressive? I still need to work out motivation and that kind of thing which I'm not very good at still, but oh well. I guess I'm still as forgetful as I was. I realised recently I haven't been posting on my website all year. I need to do that more.

Drabble

As We Sail Into Hell

“I’ll go anywhere you go, so that makes us equal.”

“‘You are a gentleman, I am a gentleman’s daughter, so far we are equal,’” she misquoted cheerfully. “The fact that we’ll follow each other into—well, anywhere—doesn’t negate the fact that you have to choose where we’re walking right now.”

Nathan sighed. “I wanted you to make a decision,” he complained.

“I know. I shan’t. I know your tricks.”

“At this rate we’ll never get married because neither of us will ask the other.”

She grinned. “That’s your job. If you really want it.” But her expression was merry.

Photo

A collage from yesterday's walk. Ignore that I shared it on my main yesterday. The weird beastie in the bottom left is a wombat.

Fun fact

I title all my drabbles by either writing them off a song directly or by thinking of a lyric from a song. This one's from Durham Town, by Roger Whittaker.

[ssj2hindudude]

with people going back to school as holiday breaks end… u got any headcanons on the potatoes including Kara reaction as they prepared for the new semester?

It's been five years since I started higher education and those back to school ads still bringing the flashbacks. Lemme see what I can do:

House 1: Mindy

Mini: Ok, checklist. New pack of fully sharpened #2 pencils and pens?

Rudy: Check!

Mini: Six composition notebooks and folders color coded for our subjects?

Rudy: Check!

Mini: Emergency Aru Kit?

Rudy: Check!

Mini: Ok, we've got everything we need for school! Go get the backpacks.

*Rudy brings the backpacks*

Mini: Uh, Rudy...

Rudy: Yeah?

Mini: Did you label these backpacks yourself?

Rudy: Yeah, why?

*Backpacks labeled "Her King" in neon letters and "His Queen" in heavy metal*

Mini *blushing quietly*: No reason...

House 2: Hirynne

Brynne: Ok, that's my breakfast, my first in-between, my lunch, my second in-between, my after-school nosh, and my water. Am I missing anything?

Hira: It would help if you actually had something school-related?

Brynne: Oh duh!

Brynne: I forgot the apple for the teacher!

Hira: ...Just make sure you don't forget the Emergency Aru Kit...

House 3: Kara

Kara: Ok, that's my pencil case, my notebooks, my recreational books, and...darn it, where is it?

*Looks under her bed*

Kara: Oh there it is! Mini would be so upset if I lost it!

*Puts in her Emergency Aru Kit*

Kara: I can't wait for school to start again! I don't know if I'll be able to sleep *squeal*

House 4: Twins

Sheela: Nikita, do you really have to do that now? It's late!

Nikita: There is no way I'm starting the year with last year's wardrobe!

*Continues creating an entire new line*

Nikita: Anyway, don't put anymore pillows in your backpack. You got in trouble last time, remember?

Sheela: How is it my fault that the school system doesn't account for the developing adolescent brain's sleep schedule?

Nikita: Whatever, just don't forget the Emergency Aru Kit like last time.

Sheela: How could I? Mini gave each of us two of them!

Nikita: Didn't you lose one?

Sheela: Not important. Just hurry up and get to bed.

House 5: Aruden

Aiden: You've seriously gotta start getting your stuff together.

Aru: Why? I've got plenty of time and I made progress!

Aiden: It's the night before classes start and you've got one old pencil about a quarter its original size, no notebooks, and several candy wrappers in your backpack! What progress???

Aru: Well it got you to come over, didn't it Wifey?

Aiden: You can't seriously be trying to make your incompetence romantic right now...

Aru: Is it working?

Aiden: Why are you like this, Shah?

Aru: Because you love it, Acharya!

*Leans in for a kiss*

*Aiden stops her mouth with a wrapper*

Aiden: We may kiss when we get your backpack ready for school tomorrow.

Aru *pouting*: Aww, you're no fun.

Aiden: Do you wanna use up everyone's Emergency Aru Kit in one week again?

Aru: No...

Aiden: Alright then. Let's get you ready for school...

[kravkalackin]

Hi, it’s 3am and i just finished binge reading one of your fics after starting it Years ago while i was still actively hyperfixating on taz and picking it back up just a couple days ago when i realized how much i missed your writing and noticed that it had been completed while i was gone (love is a construct). I read So many taz fics back then and even after i moved on from the fandom (although balance will always be really special to me) your fics always sort of stuck around in my mind cause they always sucked me in without fail so when i was craving something to binge read it was surprisingly easy to pull up your ao3 and dive back in. Anyway, i was experiencing the usual emotional rollercoaster of getting to the end of a fic when i got Super curious about what you were up to now. Do you still write taz stuff? Have you moved on to other things (totally understandable if you have)? If you do still do fanfics, are you still planning to write some sort of sequel for Love is a Construct? You mentioned that in some of your notes towards the end of the end of the fic, but it’s been a while so it would make sense if plans have changed since then. Sorry for the sudden word vomit in your asks, i think god cursed me to never be able to be concise about anything ever, but it’s good to know you’re still around regardless of what you’re up to now. Your fics stuck with me through some stuff so they’ll always have a special place right along with taz balance for me. I’m not really sure how to end an unnecessarily long ask so, best wishes i guess?

look, in this case we have both been cursed with the inability to ever say a single goddamn thing succinctly, so I can't fault you on the long ask. It's honestly really nice to hear that people are still reading and enjoying my fics, even tho it has been an extremely long time since i've updated anything at all. (i still read all comments on my fics, if that was ever in any doubt)

I was writing infinity train fics for a little while there, but uuuuh haven't really updated any of them since may of last year? So nearly coming up on a year now.

I'm actually trying to get into original writing, which is to say i keep making a lot of plans that haven't come to much fruition yet because my job is slowly killing me. I have made it a goal to write the first draft over this coming summer and do editing and revising over the next academic year.

so uh, yeah? i still have no idea how many people would be interested in my original work, but I wanna give it the go ahead, so that's been my focus. I absolutely do want to continuing writing fanfic, but original stuff is gonna be my major goal for the next year or so.

so yeah, hopefully maybe sometime late 2024 i'll be dropping a book about ice zombies aristocrats or scavengers at the end of the universe or some third idea i haven't thought of yet. we'll see

[mxtcha-tea]

domestic shiratorizawa

⊹summary; the life inside the dorms of shiratorizawa

⊹pilots; gn![y/n], ushijima, tendou, semi, yamagata, reon, kawanishi, shirabu, goshiki (pairings showed; yamagata x reader, goshiki x reader)

⊹genre; fluff, crack and some cursings (no proofread)

⊹flight details; i've once made a domestic imagines in my old blog so imma make a small reboot of it <3

random shopping

normal day, normal life. you could've seen yourself laying or even napping in your room while a compilation of minecraft songs plays in the background. but no. instead, you're inside an antique shop with Yamagata, Ushijima and Tendou.

you have no idea when, or how did the process happened but you surely is done with getting dragged inside the shop by Tendou and Yamagata.

while Ushijima's stuck on a section, you don't know where, but he's definitely stuck there, "[y/n]! look at what i found,"

Yamagata called you as you turned around to see him holding up a pretty heavy doll. you raise your brow, "what the hell is that?" walking towards him and taking a closer look at the object in hand,

"i think it's a, um, i think a matryoska doll? matroyska? is that how you say it?" "why're you asking me, i don't know jack shit about russian stuff,"

"ah you mean, matryoshka doll?" Tendou butted in, startling you two, "it's also called a 'nesting doll' and did you actually know that it was actually originated from china?"

Yamagata's eyes practically sparkled at that with a surprised look, "from china? really?"

you can only roll your eyes, "and how can you even know all that?" Tendou snickered and put on a smug face, "i'm actually very smart, y'know. ya'll just don't know about it," "says the person in class 2,"

"i blame the mathematic old hags for adding letters in math, and the apple that fucking hit my man Isaac," you tsk'ed and walk towards the next section. Yamagata passive aggressively put the matryoshka doll down and follow after you along with Tendou,

"also, we need to find ushijima, i think he's stuck in some section between here...ah there," you stopped walking and turn to your right where you find Ushijima reading a book.

Tendou skipped towards him and smack his shoulder, "you okay, wakatoshi-kun? you sure did took longer to look at the stuff here," while Tendou chats with Ushijima, Yamagata look up at the shelves as something caught his eyes.

he tried to reach it while tip toing but due to his height, he can't reach it. then, he jumped from his spot to grab the object but end up hitting his head onto the board, "AGH, FUCK!" which causes you all to look at him, watching him hold his head while shivering from the pain,

"are you okay, yamagata?" ushijima ask, putting back the book on the shelves, "yeah, yeah, i'm just tryna get that," he shakes his head before pointing up.

you followed his finger and caught a glimpse of an old polaroid. it's a little bit dusty but other than that, it looks new. Ushijima reached it from his spot and managed to grab it, "here,"

he hands it to Yamagata as he instantly recovered from his recent pain and snatch it from Ushijima's hand, subtly thanking him with a grin, "why do you even need a polaroid?" Tendou asked, leaning his arm over Ushijima's shoulder with one brow up,

"pfft, for journaling of course,"

a gust of wind went through you while staring at him with a poker face, the same with Tendou with a small cat like smile. Ushijima just looked the same,

"okay," "WHAT'S WITH THE TONE??" you blinked and just knit your eyebrows, "i mean, since when you started journaling? you're not even the type of person to do something aesthetic,"

he pouted and just crosses his arms, "so what? that doesn't mean i can't do it, right? have faith in me god darn it. and honestly, my journal looks good so far," "well, fine,"

you waved your hand at him and continue going through the other section. and just like that, "hey wait!" Yamagata tailed after you.

Tendou snickered at the two and focus back on Ushijima, who's still watching the display yet again, "have you thought of what to buy wakatoshi-kun?" "i'm not sure, there's a lot of interesting stuff here," "well, you've only been in this section but okay~"

studying

"agh, why did those idiots really have to call me at this time...?"

you groaned, slowly walking through the halls with a slouched figure. tracing your fingers along the wall with a dejected look. you're suppose to sleep today.

an hour or two long sleep. it's finally the weekend which means the time for you to sleep all of your problems away. drifting into slumber with fluffy pillows and warm blankets, enjoying your dream as long as you can.

until your ringtone annoyingly rings next to your ear. you answer the call, and again greeted by the most annoying human in the planet,

"[y/n], we need you at the gym right now!"

"huh? oh fuck off Tendou, i need to sleep right now,"

"nuh uh, you can sleep later after you go to the gym,"

"why? are you, i don't know, practicing or something?"

"you have to find out. if you don't move your ass from that bed, we'll send Hayato to wake you up~"

". . ."

and now, you find yourself standing in front of the door of shiratorizawa's volleyball gym. not only that Tendou wakes you up from your sleep, you also had to WALK all the way from your dorm to the gym,

"i'm gonna add more time to their practices after this..."

sliding the door open, you expect them to be doing serves or maybe spikes.

but instead, you're seeing them—as in the 3rd years—all sitting down at the middle of the court, with books around them.

and what's even more confusing is that they somehow managed to bring a table inside. no, not the flip-able table.

literally a whole ass table.

Reon looks up from his book and notices your figure standing on the door way. he waves his hand at you, you did the same but still with a confused look.

Yamagata was next to see you as he abruptly stand up from his spot, shaking the table in the process,

"Hayato! stop shaking the table," "oops, sorry. ah, wait, [y/n]!"

that caught all of the boys attention as they look at you, "what taking you so long to arrive?" Tendou asked, a pen rested in between his upper lip and nose.

Semi smacked him in the face—earning an 'ow'—before shaking his head,

"their dorm is literally far from the gym, and why do you even proposed your idea of studying at the gym anyway?"

you make your way towards them, Reon patting the empty spot next to him. you sat down on your spot as Yamagata did the same. seemed like he was waiting for you.

Tendou rubbed his nose and pouted at Semi, "this was the best place to study anyway! it have much more room,"

"we should've gone to the cafeteria OR the LIBRARY," Semi groaned, looking back at his book before writing on it,

"pfft, the cafeteria's no fun. and i got banned from the library," Reon looks at Tendou with confusion, "well, it's not surprising,"

Tendou shrugged, "i was also banned from the library," Ushijima said, not looking up from his notes as you knit your eyebrows at that,

"you're also banned from the library? Satori, what did you and Ushijima did—" "anyways, um,"

he cut you off, fidgeting with his pen before pointing it at you, "right, you need to tutor us on this subject~!"

you blinked, looking down at the book they're studying about, "haven't the teacher covered this already?"

"well, i'm sorry, class 6. but we have no idea how this thing works. maybe only Reon, but look at Semi,"

Tendou wrapped his arm around Semi's neck, practically head locking him, "he's from class 1 and i think you should teach him about this the most," "I'll rip your fucking head off, Tendou!"

while both of them tried to strangle each other, Yamagata caught your attention next,

"and also, it won't be fun without you, y'know," Reon nodded, "and don't forget that you can't leave me alone in this,"

"oh right," "hm? what was that?" Yamagata asked. you just shake your head with a defeated smile, "nothing..."

after clearing your throat, you snatched Semi's book away before flipping through the pages,

"okay you scumbags, it's time to learn,"

oblivious enough

the birds chirped from the tree, the hallway's as loud as ever. Semi and Tendou's leaning against the window, each of them drinking apple juice and eating yakisoba bread.

it was silence between them before Semi spoke, "hey, Tendou," "yes Semi-Semi?" "y'know,"

Semi turned his head to look at Tendou as the redhead did the same, "have you, noticed the relationship between [y/n] and Yamagata lately?"

the latter made a thinking face, before nodding, "hm, seems so,"

"do you think, either one of them ever noticed about it?" Tendou shakes his head at the question, "nope, i don't think they do. in fact, they might be completely oblivious to it,"

Semi snickered, "right, like that one time..."

"[y/n], do you think my lips are dry right now?"

you look up from your clipboard, seeing Yamagata pointing his lips, "hm, nah. they're fine, but if you want, i can but on some lip balm,"

his eyes sparkled at that as he nodded his head with excitement, "sure!" you walk towards your bag with Yamagata following you. opening the zipper and search inside it, you pull out your lip balm,

"here, hold still," you put a hand on his cheek while the other applies lip balm onto his lips. it was a slow process but he managed to not move at all while making eye contact with you.

once you finished applying, he pop his lips before humming, "mn, cherry," "let me know if you need anything else,"

he nodded with now flushed cheeks as he smile at you. you did the same, gently patting his arm.

from a distance, Shirabu looks at them with a disgusted look, "ugh, can't they be more subtle about it,"

Kawanishi shrugged, "just let them be,"

"how can i redo my memory? i don't need to see that this early," "well, what if it was us?" "i would be twice as grossed, i can put my own lip balm," "hm yeah, you're right, i honestly would be like that too," "good,"

"haha yeah, now that i think about it, they do it all the time right?" Tendou nodded at Semi's statement before hearing the all too familiar voice just a few meters away from them,

"[y/n]!"

you turned your head around while still sipping your drink. Yamagata stood in front of you, holding out his visibly crumpled necktie with a small smile,

"my necktie!" "ah again? whatever," you give your drink to him as he hold it for you.

grabbing the necktie from his hand, looping it around his collar shirt and started tying it with a concentrated look,

"i can't say that it'll be clean when i finished tying it," "it's okay! that's why i'm asking you to do it, messy or not, at least i have it on," "hm, yeah,"

after you finished tying it and patting it a little, Yamagata hugged you, "thank you!" "yeah, you're welcome,"

the aura literally radiates on the slightly crowded hallway as some of the students who passed you talked among themselves.

Semi and Tendou stared at you two, expressionless eyes but with a small smile,

'ah, right,'

Tendou sighed, intertwining his fingers together and lifting it up to his cheeks, "ah, young love~"

"we're all the same age,"

"young love~"

bonus; reliable kouhai

lifeless.

is what goshiki would say when he took a few glances at you from his book. you promised to tutor him about this subject he's struggling on. but didn't really expect to see your slouched form walking inside the library.

he's not even sure if you even hear anything you're saying right now, "get a shovel and two-" your head hit the table, creating a loud sound and catching the attention of almost everyone inside the library,

"[y/n]-senpai, um, are you okay??" you groaned and rapidly blink your eyes, covering your forehead, "yeah, 'm just..."

a yawn escaped from your mouth before you can even finish your sentence, "...tired. those stupid senpais of yours need help tutoring too even tho being grown ass men,"

goshiki closes his book and creating a small 'thump', snapping you out from your mind,

"well, if that so then you didn't have to come, you could've just tell me and i would be fine with it!" your hoarse laugh caught him off guard as a shade of red ran across his cheeks, "i can't break a promise, tsutomu. why do you even think i agree on tutoring you?"

"uh, cause you want to help me with my studies?" "one of it, and cause i enjoy tutoring you," he can feel his cheeks heating up more when you made eye contact with him, a small smile laced upon your face,

"and honestly, you're smarter than i thought. class 4 right? that's cool," he looked away, trying to calm his nerves down, "t-thanks! a lot of people thought i was in a lower class, so i, i appreciate it,"

goshiki took a peek at you, now burying your face onto your face, "also, senpai," "hm?"

"you should take a nap for now, i think i can start understanding this formula," you slightly look up at him, "you sure? i was prolly talking craps just now," "yeah! your health is more important anyway,"

you hum, offering him a warm smile, "thanks, i know i can count on you," you rested onto your side and close your eyes. lips slightly parted and just like that, you're deep in your dreams.

he pursed his lips, slowly leaning against the table to look at your face. it's calm, peaceful and beautiful, kissable lips. he wonder if he could lean in a little closer until you two-

goshiki instantly jolted up and hit himself on the head, face's covered in the color red, 'no! don't think about that, curse you Tendou-San for introducing me to those mangas...'

Tendou's faces ran across his mind as he grunted,

'why're they so pretty??'

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Unraveling in the Sheets

Genre: Fan Fiction

Pairing: Henry Cavill/OFC

Warnings: Language, Sexual Content, NSFW

Rating: M

Length: Short Story

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

A/N: Spoiler Alert, there is smut. Be warned. It's there.

Also, I am no longer doing tags on posts. Since my list exceeds the tag limit. Please feel free to join the chat in place of the tag list.

Henry Cavill Master List

“How did you do it though?” Gliding the car into a free parking space, Henry glanced at Nell in the passenger's seat.

“How did I do what?” Eyeing him curiously, she tried to hide her gloating smile. She could be a terrible winner, even if she wasn't the winner, she had came ahead of Henry.

“You know what I mean, Nelly.”

He looked so silly, his new mustache curling when he laughed or smiled. Nell had to admit, if any man could wear the 'stache Henry did it well.

“Oh, you mean how did I suddenly leave your ass behind and finish nearly 50 positions ahead?” She laughed, crinkling her nose. “I told you, I've been working hard for this. Besides, you're too big. You move slower than I do. It's that simple. Maybe next year, you will finish ahead of me.”

“You're impossible.” Unbuckling his seat belt, Henry hurried to get out of the car and around to the other side, before Nell could open her own door. Nearly there, he frowned when she opened the door, stepping out of the Aston Martin. “You were supposed to let me open that.”

“I am supposed to do a lot of things that I do not.” Nell grabbed her hand bag. “I'll let you open the door, next time. You big dork.”

Henry was always the gentleman, even when Nell would rather rip his eyes out than speak to him in a civil manner. Not that she ever felt the former much, but on the rare occasion. Sometimes that's how things went for ex-lovers. The mid May air was growing cool, leaving a few goosebumps on Nell's exposed arms. She had expected to be back before now, which is why she'd left her sweater in the hotel.

“Well, happy late birthday. It was nice having dinner with your family. I've missed them.”

“They've missed you, too. I could tell that dad was happy you came along. He hasn't talked that much during a dinner since the last time you came over.” Henry smiled fondly. "I'm glad that you came, Nelly." Hands in his pockets, Henry sauntered along beside Nell. Approaching the main entrance, he held the door allowing her to enter. 

When he'd invited her for the weekend, he wasn't confident that she would come. Wrapped up in work, Nell didn't take too much time away from Dublin these days.

"It was a nice break from work." Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Nell bit her bottom lip. "I know that you are busy, but do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"I always have time to talk with you." Scanning the hotel lobby, Henry tried to find a spot for them to sit and chat privately. "Should we have a seat at the bar?"

"We could, but I would really like to change. Do you mind coming up with me? We can just talk in the room. It's probably more comfortable anyway."

"Is this about the wild boy?"

"Isn't it always?" 

Laughing, Henry pushed the call button for the elevator. Their son was truly something else. One day he would surely take over the world; Henry could see that coming from the day he was born.  To say Ivan was Henry's pride and joy would be a massive understatement. He lived for their son. This weekend having Ivan, and Nell, in Jersey had been fantastic. A short glimpse of what life could have been. The ding of the elevator brought Henry back from his brief fantasy.

He and Nell had split up several years ago, there wasn't much chance she would feel the same as he did. Lost in the thoughts of happy little family. Allowing Nell to step onto the elevator first, Henry stood silently with his hands clasped in front of him.

“So, Ivan has been doing well in school?” He may as well get this under way.

“Define doing well,” Nell snickered. “I get a call nearly every day from his teacher. The woman is impossible, but knowing our son, he isn't making it easy for her.”

“I was like that in school. Right up until the day I left.” Henry shrugged. The elevator gently bumping to a stop, he stepped forward to hold the door for Nell.

Muttering a thank you, Nell dug for her key card, leading the way down the hall. She loved this hotel, it was the only one she stayed in, if she could help it, while visiting the Island. A great view of the water on one side, the other dazzling with a fantastic look out into the city. The first time she'd ever been to Jersey, she had stayed in the hotel and fell in love with the charm. There were days when that felt like a life time ago.

Opening the door, Nell paused to allow Henry in. “Have a seat. Anywhere you'd like. Sorry it's kind of a mess. I'm going to change.”

The hotel room was anything but a mess, minus the few sketch books that Nell had dropped on the bed. Always working. Henry took a seat on the edge of the king sized bed, casually glancing at the colour coded notes and designs that Nell had in one of the open sketch books. Costumes. A few notes detailed leather armor and Viking era clothing. She'd done well for herself, since he'd met her. The same shy costume apprentice hiding out on set of The Tudors, was now helping drive forward the details of Vikings.

In the bathroom, Nell pulled off her dress. The fabric had became clingy after a while and she needed to be more relaxed. Running shorts and a tshirt would do the trick. Sighing at her reflection, she bit her bottom lip glancing down at her top. The worn coral Nike tshirt was her favourite, it was showing the love and wear in a few spots. Perhaps she should have picked something less frumpy? She was a busy, single mom she didn't have to look the part. Ah fuck, who cared. Henry certainly wouldn't.

He was here to discuss their son, not flirt with her until she gave in to that smile. Or got lost in his eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes – the left with the flecks of brown. His charm alone was enough to make anyone weak in the knees. Damn it, she needed to get over it. He had moved on. She needed to do the same.

Blowing out a breath, Nell reached for the door, pausing when she heard Henry talking. His tone told her that he was speaking to Ivan. Quietly slipping out of the bathroom, she smiled.

“Hold on, just a sec.” He pushed the screen of his phone, allowing the speaker to connect. “Alright, wild boy. Say goodnight to your mum.”

“Mum, momma, mum.” Ivan's voice filled the room. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Ivan. Are you being a good boy?”

“Uh huh. I love you. Good night.”

“Good night, wild boy. I love you.”

“Night dad.”

“Good night, I love you. I'm going to be back soon, you go to bed and I will see you first thing in the morning.”

“Okay. Oh, dad, can Kal sleep in my room tonight?” Ivan was fond of the large black and white American Akita. Henry laughed.

“Of course he can. You and Kal go to bed, now.”

“Okay, bye.” A little too quickly, Ivan hung up the phone. Henry laughed at the eagerness, he would talk to his mother when he got back to the house. Making sure that Ivan and his dog had gone to bed as they were told, with no fuss.

"Can you believe he is growing this fast? My god where has that time gone?" Henry rubbed his hands against his face. His mustache and subtle stubble scratching his palms. 

"Time is a cruel mistress." Rubbing her hands on her shorts, Nell stood. "Drink? I have a bottle of Johnnie Walker." 

"Of course you do." Smirking, Henry shifted on the side of the bed. “I had a look at some of these designs, by the way. They're magnificent. My god, Nell, you are so talented.”

“You're saying that to be nice,”

Shaking his head, Henry accepted the glass, resting it on his knee. “No, I am saying it because its true. You are one of the most talented costumers that I had ever met. Are you enjoying the job?”

“I love it.” Nell smiled, leaning against the large wooden desk in the corner. “The work is great, the people are amazing, and Ivan is really enjoying it. I'm glad we went.”

“Good, that's good. He talks about it, a lot. He really seems to love being there. I'm glad. Once things settle, I am going to try and come visit. I kind of miss it, Dublin.”

“You should.” She smiled fighting the urge to scoff and roll her eyes. Henry was always busy. He'd make it to Dublin, when Hell froze over. “So, how is work coming on this new character.”

“I can't say much, but I can say that I will be happy when I can shave.” He rubbed the mustache expertly. “It's not as bad as some of the beards that I've had to grow, but it's not my favourite look.”

“You look good with a beard. I know you hate them, but you do.”

Leaning forward to set his glass on the bedside table, Henry licked the whiskey off of his lips. “I'm glad to have that compliment.”

“Sure.” Nell nodded, tipping her glass to finish the drink. “Another?”

“Uh, I'm good.” Henry motioned to his glass. Rubbing his hands across his jeans, he furrowed his brow. “I've been thinking, since I am fairly busy the next few months, what if I keep Ivan for a few extra days? Once you leave, I will take him back to London with me, until I have to go.”

Shifting on the bed, her face warm from the second glass of whiskey, Nell sniffled and cleared her throat. “What about school?”

“What about it? He isn't going to miss much, is he? They're nearly finished up and I don't know how long it will be, until I see him. Possibly not until Christmas.”

All he wanted was to spend a little time with his son, was that so hard? His next move would have to be calculated, Nell had been known to stat arguments over less. If Henry wanted to avoid a shouting match, he would have to go about this carefully. Reaching for his glass, he downed the remaining contents in one large gulp. Sighing.

“I want to hang out with him a little. It wouldn't be more than three days extra. Then you get some time alone, as well. Nell, I know that you need a bit of a break. You work so hard and take care of Ivan, please.”

“If you want to, then I suppose I can't really say no. What kind of mother would I be, if I didn't let you see him?”

“Don't say things like that, please.” Henry reached out, his hand taking hers. Gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “You are a wonderful mum. You know that.”

“Sometimes, I feel like I could do better. I really do.” Nell shrugged, allowing Henry to continue holding her hand.

“All parents feel that way, I am sure. I know that I feel like that, all the time. I guess it's natural, always wanting to do better, to be better, for our children.”

There he went again. There were times when Nell could not stand to be near him, other times she wanted to be as close as possible. Damn it. Watching him talk about Ivan and the few extras days they would be together, Henry's eyes lit up. His smile broad and the enthusiasm in his voice was one that dictated proud father. Nell nodded, only because she felt it was appropriate to the conversation.

Henry continued to chatter about how he wanted to take Ivan to a new exhibit at the Natural History Museum, in London. Leave it to the father and son, finding a day at the museum to be high on the list of fun. Nell sighed, continuing to half listen, half gaze at Henry in awe. One thing she loved – well love could be a strong word – adored? Enjoyed? About Henry was how much he loved Ivan.

Mid sentence about some Sir David Attenborough documentary that he'd watched with Ivan; Nell couldn't help it any longer. Leaning in, without warning, she grabbed Henry's face turning it to her and kissing him. Lips connecting, she stopped and jumped back as if hit by an electric shock.

Clearing his throat, Henry rubbed the back of his neck, but not pulling back. “I didn't know that the National Geographic was that exciting.”

“I'm sorry.” Hiding her face in her hands, Nell shook her head. Oh that had been a mistake. She had absolutely no right. None. Henry was crazy, if he didn't get up right now and walk out. If he was angry, then she deserved that.

Blushing, Nell shook her head. “Henry, I shouldn't have.”

“I'm certainly not going to complain.” He shrugged, leaning in his arm sliding around her shoulder. Nell glanced up, getting the nerves to look at him. Oh she had fucked up. “Next time, I would like some warning though.”

“Warning? Next time?”

“Hmm, yes. Kind of like this, close your eyes.” Henry instructed pulling her closer and kissing her. Nell sighed her body melting against him. She loved the way his lips felt on hers. Soft, with a slight force.

Straddling his waist, her arms wrapped around his neck, Nell's fingers laced together. Her lips leaving his, tracing along his jaw, nearing the sweet spot below his ear. A slight nip and he was an unraveling mess. Henry nuzzled his face into her hair, she smelled amazing. Comforting and warm. A groan erupted from deep in his throat, as predicted she had gone straight for that spot.

“Nell, Nell,” Henry cleared his throat, holding her at arm's length, “Janelle, stop.” Looking for any sort of sign that she truly felt that this wasn't a good idea, he sucked in a breath. “Are you sure about this? Because if we continue, I won't stop until...”

“I am.” She nodded firmly, “I don't want you to stop. I don't want to stop. Oh god, Henry. Please.”

“I need to know that you truly, absolutely want to do this.”

“If you don't stop talking and bend me over, I am going to kick you out and do this myself. Please, stop talking. If I didn't want this, I wouldn't have started it.”

A deep rumbling laugh followed, Henry rolled his eyes. God, she was something else. Who was he to deny a gorgeous woman what she wanted? Would this come back to haunt him? Probably. Did he care? Not much. Come morning they would once again go their separate ways, but that didn't matter right now. Right now, he could pretend that he had everything he wanted. And what he wanted was her.

Pulling her to him, Henry kissed her hard. Nell moaned, the force of the kiss was nearly dizzying. Arms around his neck, she rubbed her body against his, trying to grasp the friction that was created when she started to grind herself against his thighs.

“Henry,”

“Hold on, you need patience.” He brushed a bit of hair out of her face, “all in good time.”

Nell squealed when he stood, her legs desperately scrambling to hold onto him. In a futile attempt she huffed, when he let her go, standing in front of him pouting. Unbuttoning his shirt, Henry smirked giving her a heated stare. “Well, are you going to get on the bed or make me do all the work? Shorts off.”

Sliding the mesh shorts down her ass and along her legs, Nell made a bit of a show letting them pool at her feet. Stepping out, as slowly as possible, while lifting the old tshirt from her body. Allowing it to go where it would, as she dropped it. Sitting back on the bed, she could feel her heart in her throat and her stomach where her heart should be.

“Lie back.” Henry instructed, kneeling at the edge of the bed. Arms around her thighs, guiding her to him, he studied her for a moment. She was trembling as his fingers slid across her thighs, positioning her in just the right way.

“Oh god, Hen-Henry.” Nell's mouth was suddenly dry and her voice hoarse. His hot breath between her legs was tormenting her, in unimaginable ways. In anticipation she bucked her hips forward, trying to clench her thighs. Holding her knees with his shoulders, Henry chuckled.

“Eager.”

“Please.”

“You are...” He lingered, kissing the inside of her leg. “Gorgeous. Look at you.” He brushed his thumb against her. Nell whimpered trying to push further. “Hold on, hold on.”

“Why are you teasing me?”

“Because I want to enjoy the view, for a moment.” He shrugged, her legs lifting gently. A hand on her lower abdomen, as if holding her in place, he used the other to gently tease and trace along her calf. Without warning, his lips attached to the most sensitive part of her body with his mustache adding an extra sensation, Nell bucked her hips hard, shoving his face further between her thighs.

Nell's head was swimming, it had been a while since she'd felt this good from such an act. Sure, she'd had the odd date here and there, semi-serious relationships, but nobody could do this the way Henry could. He was a fucking magician, she was certain of it. Humming against her mound, Henry couldn't hide the laughter in his eyes, when she began to squirm and wiggle against his face. She was desperate and he was going to prolong this as much as he could.

Sucking her clit, his tongue generously lapping at her, he thoroughly enjoyed the show. Pushing his head as far down as she could, Nell was nearly in tears each time he leaned in, his mustache tickling in just the right way. Oh god, she gasped trying hard to find release. Henry was cunning, backing off at the right moments.

“Henry,” She whined, threading her fingers through his hair. “Don't tease me, I really need you to finish.”

“Stop being so impatient.” He was teasingly stern. Pushing her hands away, he locked his fingers with hers, holding them at her side. Lifting his head, he smirked, kissing up her body ending with another dizzying kiss. Nell sucked on his tongue, freeing her hands from his, she tugged him closer, pulling at fistfuls of hair.

Cleaning herself from his tongue and lips, she sighed. “I'm going to need more than that.”

“You're sure?” Henry paused, holding his weight on his forearms, resting above her. His jeans still on, he could feel the strain against the denim.

“Jeans, off.” She demanded, sitting up to watch. Shivering against the slight chill, her breasts on display giving him the perfect view of her erect nipples. Nell blushed under his gaze. She was not the tight, toned, and perky body she once was. She wasn't out of shape, by any means, but compared to Henry...

“You are gorgeous.” Henry complimented, his jeans on the floor, boxers being pushed down to join them. Stepping out of his pants, he stood at the side of the bed, in all his glory.

Nell licked her lips, reaching out to take him in her hand. Hissing under her touch, Henry involuntarily bucked his hips forward into her hand. Rubbing the head, Nell intently watched Henry while she leaned in taking him fully in her mouth.

“Fuck, Nelly.”

“Hmm,” She hummed, sliding her head back along his length. Hand wrapped around him, stroking in place of her mouth. Bobbing her head back down, she swirled her tongue around the base. He nearly choked her the first time she'd ever gone down on him. Oh how long ago that felt.

Dragging her tongue against his length, she felt her core tighten, with each moan Henry gave. His slight salty taste mixed with the aftertaste of the Johnnie Walker, Nell inhaled deeply through her nose, hollowing her cheeks around him. Gripping the back of her head, Henry tried to not force her too hard, as he began to guide her movement.

Happy to go along with what he needed to feel good, Nell allowed him control over her guidance. Her finger nails grazing the back of his thighs, she mentally checked the small victory when he threw his hips forward at the sensation of her wrapped around him and her nails on his skin.

“Good girl,” Henry mumbled, his head lulling back, his chest rising rapidly. “Keep it up, just like that. Oh shit,”

Nell's chest swelled a little, she could still make him feel good, even after all of this time apart. That was not something she would take lightly, even if this shouldn't be happening. Oh fuck, who cared? They were two consenting adults. Henry's legs quivered, his hands unsteady stroking the back of her head.

“Nell,”

“Hmm?” She glanced up at him. His face soft and his jaw slack, she could feel him tightening. The perfect time to stop her actions. “Not yet,” She smirked, wiping her hand across her chin, drool gone. “Fair is fair.”

“Jesus,” Henry grumbled. He had been so fucking close, the knot in the pit of his stomach clenched Slowing his breathing, he took a moment to think of anything else. Laundry? Running? How much longer until he had to renew his passport?

“Henry?”

“Yeah?” He snapped his head to look at Nell.

“Are we going to stand here all night, or...” She shrugged, a devious smirk on her face. Laying back on the bed, she curled her finger beckoning him to her.

“You're still sure about this?” Henry asked. His eyes on her, waiting to see if she had any hint of doubt or hesitation.

“I don't have a condom, but I'm clean. It's not like I'm getting pregnant, so....” If she were to get pregnant, there was going to be on hell of a hefty lawsuit against that surgeon.

“You're sure? I know that I'm...but I don't have.”

“if you don't want to, then I understand.”

“I do, though, but...”

Nell shook her head. “No buts. If you want me, then I'm yours.”

“Fuck, you're making this hard.”

Giggling, Nell glance down. “I think we're beyond things being hard.”

His body betraying him, Henry cleared his throat, she certainly had a point. Fuck it. What did they have to lose? Unless this, some how, came back to bite them. No, no he had to stop that. Give in, enjoy what was happening. It had been too long since he'd been able to watch her in such bliss. Bliss that he was responsible for.

“You're sure?”

Nell nodded siting up, opening her arms, “Come here.”

On the edge of the bed, Henry sighed, his large frame leaning into her. Nell held him for a moment, stroking his hair, the feel of his warmth against her sent shivers through her spine. Pushing him back on the bed, she bit her bottom lip, waiting for the go ahead. Henry gave her a slight nod, adjusting himself on the bed to get comfortable. Straddling his hips, Nell lifted herself to slowly take him.

Sheathing him inch by inch, Nell groaned at the fullness. This was her favourite part, taking him to the end, feeling him stretch her. Rocking her hips forward, she countered the motion sliding them back in the same tantalizing pace. Henry held her hips, pushing his up to meet her. Nell squeaked and giggled. She loved the way he hit all the right spots.

“You can touch me, don't be shy.” Nell winked, lifting her arms and crossing them above her head, allowing him a full view of her breasts. “Go on.” She encouraged.

His large hands cupping her breasts, Henry softly rolled her hardening nipples between his fingers, giving on a slight flick when she moved herself up on his length. Close to letting him slide out, she moved back down, her ass grinding against him.

The way her body moved against his was mesmerizing. Massaging her supple skin, from her breasts down her sides, one hand settling on her ass and the other on her hip. Henry loved the shape, even if she had changed a little since having Ivan. God she was stunning.

Hastening her pace, Nell rocked back and forth, up and down. Henry closed his eyes feeling every bit of movement, each clench. Taking in the sounds of her breathing, mixed with his, her small moans not going unnoticed.

“Henry,” She whispered, biting her bottom lip, leaning forward to touch her lips against his. “Please,”

Without having to be asked twice, he moved swiftly, turning them over to pin her beneath him. Nell sighed and stretched her arms over her head, the pull of her muscles caused another shiver. Her head now against the pillow, she reached, tracing the lines of his face with her fingertip.

“I don't know that I can be as slow as you were.” Henry nipped her finger. Holding back on his desire to pound her into the bed.

“Then don't.” Nell batted her eye lashes at him.

Somehow that was all he needed, that tiny bit of permission. Picking up the pace, Henry grunted. Nell moaned drawing her knees upward, allowing him an even better vantage to this position. As if the pent up emotions from the last few years, hours, minutes had been released the couple were lost in the sensation of skin on skin. The feeling of sparks and electricity coursing through them. Connecting them.

“Fuck, Janelle.” Henry hissed, his arm locked into position on either side of her head, keeping him from tumbling on top of her.

“Henry,” She squealed splaying her hands against his chest, tugging at the soft hairs. “Oh god. Please, don't stop. My god, oh fuck.”

“You are fucking amazing. Fuck, look at you.” Kissing her roughly, he sighed, steadying his pace. His hips slapping hers, Nell shook slightly her soft sobs of pleasure were enough to send him to an end.

Shaking with pleasure, Nell gasped trying to bring herself down from the high. Henry moaned, his head back and chest heaving. It had been a while since he had felt that good. Nell laid with her legs hooked around his thighs, no desire to move. Collapsing with his head on her chest, Henry allowed his body to rest. Sweaty and sticky, they laid tangled together. Neither one wanting to break the feeling.

Dosing in and out, Nell was the first to move. Her body growing heavy with Henry still on top of her. She needed to move, before seizing up. Pushing his head to the side, she giggled and kissed the tip of her nose when he lazily looked up.

“I need to pee,”

“Hmph.” Henry nodded, slowly rolling over. Allowing her to escape. Laying flat on the bed, while she scurried off to the bathroom, Henry pushed himself up off of the bed. He should be getting back to his parents, back to Ivan.

All thoughts of moving were squashed, when Nell came back, climbing in beside him. Her clothes still on the floor. Her body was comforting against his. “Hi,” she whispered, sliding in under his arm.

“Nell?” Henry laid with his arm around her shoulder.

“Huh?” Nell grunted, her face buried in his chest.

“I should head back.”

“If you want to. You can stay, I don't mind.” Nell yawned. Her eyes closing.

“Okay, but only for a little while.” Henry agreed, closing his eyes. In a few minutes, he would get up, shower, and head back.

With a start, Henry woke, a loud banging noise rattling him. Looking around the dark room, he squinted to find the source of the noise. Hearing someone whispering at a distance, Henry laid in bed, listening. Against him, Nell stirred, but didn't wake. Someone in the hall was talking, no doubt they had been the source of the banging. He had fell asleep, Nell wrapped against him.

Looking at his watch, Henry frowned. 4am. If he left right now, he could be back before anybody woke. If he left now, he risked Kal barking and waking the house. If he waited, he would risk walking in and having to explain himself to one or more person. Of course he could tell them that he'd ran into some old friends, had some drinks and stayed on a sofa somewhere. Too drunk to drive.

Shifting in bed, Nell sighed, her arm around his waist she snuggled in closer. She was content, who was Henry to try and disturb her sleep? He would wait an hour or two, before he made his departure. So what if he waltzed in, being faced by one of his brothers, or even his mother. He was an adult, if he wanted to stay out all night enjoying the company of a fantastic woman, then he would do just that.

Kissing the top of Nell's head, Henry smiled, sinking down further into the covers, closing his eyes.

Tag List Chat

[benevadeca]

SAW the new cyrano movie and wow i liked it! anyway thoughts about it under the cut as it's like the 4th adaptation i've seen of cyrano lol.

so yeah in a lot of respects i do still prefer the national theater live's version in its rap translation thing. very obvious that these are two different adaptations that focused on different aspects of the source material made for different intents.

overall it was fun, i liked it! very artsy. one of roxane's songs was like kinda weird horny but it's the u know. romantic period drama sensuality and it was like at least tastefully done so eh! makes her a more understandable character than how she appears in most versions where it just feels like she wants to be in a better book club lmao

i DO think the musical adaptation of it was like, a good translation of a historical work for a modern non-french audience. but the songs, while fun and good and artsy, were kind of still at the same time sorta? idk generically...not Hollywood but idk. like songs u hear and go "yeah this is part of a musical"

[spoilers after this]

like cyrano the movie focusing on the romance plotline and the whole societal expectations/body image thing. loved the leitmotif of like, i forget the wording but "everyone wants to be loved for who they are" basically. the parallels betw christian and cyrano's deaths were rly good!

kind of mixed feelings on both of their death's honestly? but to focus on positives the parallel between christian sort of. giving up on roxane "i only want to be loved if it's for myself, and what roxane loves isn't me" and uhhh running into bullets basically. that paralleled with cyrano's "i have given up and am dying today". like it is the extreme lack of faith and emotional low that makes them easy pickings. i def had other thoughts but they are eluding me i need to marinate them a bit more maybe

but yeah on the cons side, i do think w/ the changes they made to cyrano's death scene (him getting his epic 10 seconds of mutual love and mouth on mouth), while more uh "positive" than other versions sort of undercuts the "tragedy" title of it. missed connections, too much has happened between the beginning and where we are now, cyrano's refusal to let go of his own pride and penchant for drama to fully accept its reciprocacy.

tho on that not his "and i loved...my pride" line was raw and epic it's like yes the realization all too late that you are your own worst enemy, you might've said you loved her but it was your inability to love yourself that affected your relationships with others, made it so you could never actually have any real faith in the person you love, that it was your simultaneous idolization and denegration of her image that got in the way. etc etc etc.

but yeah ANYWAY like it's bc the focus of the movie was fully on the romance and not any of the other themes that christian kind of got a worse deal than he usually does it almost feels like. like, the scenes he got were good ofc, but how he was fully cut out of the entire finale almost and basically just a prop for said 10 seconds of happiness that don't usually occur. also im still confused on that sequencing from christian's dead body to jesus i still don't get it but another thing marinating in my mind.

this is all to say ig that nothing goes as raw as national theater live having his dead body on the floor and then his actor physically between them in the entire end scene. also like idk there could've been just a little more of a focus on the "war is hell and it is the boys who never got to grow to be anything more than boys" bit

List of things cut:

OK so they cut a LOT from the original bc the original has that "art is controlled and censored by the people in power when it should be used to fight for the people" subplot, so basically everything from that is cut. which i get bc of time constrains w/ movies compared to theater productions, and like the director being the pride and prejudice director and the entire marketing of the movie being on the romance aspect of it and not that. so yeah i get the rationale! but sad tho

tbh i dont think it even explained specifically WHY cyrano said fuck that guy to montfleury in the beginning the whole convo cyrano had w his bro abt it just centered on roxane, and the "cyrano getting into a fight in the night to save his bro" scene was also subsequently refitted

cyrano's boyz night scene where he's dramatically reinacting his fight the previous night :( like instead it just has him angstily boxing in the corner which doesn't showcase his extreme chadness. also christian's introduction as just being kind of a mouthy brat lol

degich? i can never remember or spell his name but bitchy rich, they cut out his "war is bad and it's made me a better person" redemption arc but who cares so lol. moving on <3

roxane's epic girlboss moment was cut out. SAD. and subsequently the scene w/ the baker being a recurring character was ALSO cut out. quite the loss but ig they at least showcase roxane's ability to be an active character in other scenes so not a total loss

both of cyrano's moon monologues :( sad! also the timeskip being dramatically shorter and only three years. i do think switching his gradual health decline to be A-actualy consequences from the war and B-less him refusing to stop pissing people off without accepting help from others to just full inability to take care of himself. like yes really showcase his issues and also that poverty and its consequences exists outside of an aesthetic backdrop

Favorite changes things:

there was a musical/dance number in the bakery :) we only got to see the baker in that initial scene but love him

boyz night did get cut but the christian musical number kind of fucked hard so all is forgiven actually

OK depending on the variation the way cyrano dies changes, like he gets assassinated in diff ways so in one they drop bricks on him or smth and in another a carriage runs him over. (im p sure it's the 1990?) i think they referenced the carriage running him over version bc they had post-timeskip him walking and a carriage barrel pass and him collapse as it does (like. not it running him over just these two seperate events framed together) and i was like haha...i get the reference. kinda mean but i did laugh in the theater a little i was like brooooo

OH the movie starts not w in the theater but w roxane getting ready for it! so yeah epic girlboss moments. she didn't get to be angry at the very end like she was in the national theater live modern rap version but she did get a "im angry" song around the middle of the plot so u kno. girls who get to be angry

i do admit i cried at the scene where the ensemble cast of soldier's got to sing about their loved ones and accepting that they're being sent off to die. anyway

anyway yeah! i liked it it was good but i DO think if they were gonna strip it down to its bare romance they should've had cyrano and chris kiss also tho like it's simply only fair

[strange-destinations]

Hey Kitty, due to your stories I've started to seek out Benny & Brax stories. So far, I've simply picked a few boxsets (Legion and New Frontiers) where I spotted the fabulous Miles Richardson on the cover. I was wondering, is there a better way to go about this? Do you have any recommendations and/or a listening order you would suggest? Thanks in advance and I hope your wrist is getting better :)

Legion is... a bit of a tricky place to start in, all things considered. It’s kind of like throwing yourself in at the deep end, because it somewhat relies on knowledge of the previous few box sets (Epoch and Road Trip) and the characters that were introduced in those. Those, in turn, follow off the end of the Collection stories, but to be honest if you just want to jump in at the box sets that’s perfectly fine - Epoch’s made to kind of be the ‘jumping-on’ point. All you have to know is that at the beginning of Epoch, the universe has been sort of ‘reset’ and Benny’s looking for her son, Peter, who was lost in the resulting chaos. The rest kind of explains itself.

Brax isn’t in Epoch or Road Trip, but Ruth is and Ruth’s a darling, and there’s some pretty good stories in both of them all things considered, so!

EDIT: OH OH GOSH PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS BIT IT’S SO IMPORTANT all of the Benny stories from Epoch to Missing Persons are available for free on Spotify!!! like, completely free, no strings attached and in fact there’s a lot of Big Finish stories legally free to stream via Spotify, here’s a full list

Two alternate points to jump into the Benny stories, since you’re looking for benny-brax dynamics:

1) The Virgin books. There’s plenty of places to find these online (since the original publishers don’t get revenue from it, it’s generally considered Okay to download them, although I’m sure you can find physical copies if you searched for a while).

Benny and Brax first meet in Theatre of War, which is part of the VNA Doctor Who books (Benny’s still Seven’s companion, Ace is also there) and also is honestly a really really great book. There’s also a Big Finish adaptation of this story if you prefer that!! it’s a bit different to the book but still a really good spin on it. This one’s pretty much standalone.

Brax’s next cameo is in Happy Endings, and it’s very very brief although rather sweet. Happy Endings is the Benny Gets Married To Jason book and it’s honestly genuinely just a lot of pointless fluff.

...and then he comes back in the Benny solo books! These are a mixed bag but Dellah!Era Benny is a lot of fun and a particular favorite of mine. All you need to know (if you skipped the rest of the VNAs) is that Benny has retired as the Doctor’s companion, got a depressing divorce with Jason (f in the chat) and is now working as a Professor of Archaeology at St Oscar’s University.

Dragon’s Wrath is where they meet for the first time - good good book! Their dynamic is peak here. 

Brax does show up in a few other books but I can’t for the life of me recall a lot of them. I’ve still got to sit down and read through all of them in order some day, there’s a coherent overarching plot and everything. Where Angels Fear is definitely one where Brax shows up, uh. someone else help. it’s so late

anyway anyway Tears of the Oracle - best book. i first read it way WAY out of context and i still loved it. they’re best friends and it makes me sob every time. ‘she’s like family’

anyway yeah, Bernice Summerfield New Adventures - find a zip file of them somewhere and read them, they’re p good! and this is the era that Sepelio is set in, in case you didn’t realize this (i know at least one person didn’t)

2) The Collection-era audios (and tie-in books). Okay, I’ll be honest, I haven’t listened to this particular era in... nearly five years. And it’s a headache to get your head around, because some of the audios are closely interlinked with the books, and the books are hell to find, and there’s some Very Iffy Content for some of the stories and. I know y’all come to me for Benny Advice a lot but my memory’s so dreadful. half the time when writing i just operate on gut instinct for canon events and rely on the fact that this fandom’s so small nobody’s going to call me out on being ridiculous. Or I can also blame it on timeline shenanigans.

can... can someone jump in and give a guide to the collection-era stories and which ones to listen to/read for Plot Purposes? I know someone with knowledge is out there. it’s honestly an amazing story arc, I just wish I had the time to lay everything out properly.

The following, however, are pretty standalone and feature Brax heavily.

The Extinction Event - first audio ft. Brax. nothing especially special but it does establish some of the basework for some of his later Questionable Stuff.

The Mirror Effect - delightfully creepy, beautifully effective characterization, benny & brax & adrien & jason trapped in a creepy haunted mirror location and trying to get out. 

The Crystal of Cantus - maybe not entirely standalone BUT how can i not put this one down. very funny and very horrifying. benny and jason and brax go on a fun field trip and find out the True Meaning Of Cybermen. benny gains a fuckton of trauma.

...and then after Crystal everything gets plotty and complicated. not that it wasn’t before, but... oh well.

There’s also some books/short story anthologies in this era that are standalone/don’t require much context. Their names all escape me. Once again, help?

BONUS: Many Happy Returns - the Benny anniversary story which is more like a framing device for a fuckton of other stories set within pretty much every era. Cameos from everyone. Delightful and heartwrenching. Really really good, but maybe get some basis in various parts of canon before you check it out. Or maybe check it out and then start jumping around to find bits that interest you? I don’t know. I went through everything in painstaking chronological order from the tender age of 14 and now here I am, writing gory cannibal fanfiction about an emotionally repressed theatre professor and his disaster archaeology best friend.

...anyway, hopefully this helps at least somewhat! It’s past midnight and i’m wracking my brains as I try to remember what bits of an extremely extensive canon I enjoyed the most. let me know if there’s anything you need clarification on, I’m aware this is a bit of a disaster post.

[recurring-polynya]

I was wondering: what do you think Kazui and Ichika's powers would be? Their parents are super powerful, so would their powers reflect their parents' powers, or would it be something more original? I've heard theories that Ichika is some sort of genius or something, because she had on the Soul Reaper outfit instead of the school clothes. And Kazui is probably strong too, considering he knows how to become a Soul Reaper. And they're both just kids!! (It's a random question, but I'm curious.)

It’s funny that anyone would ask me this, because to be honest, I am Not That Into Ichika and Kazui. Part of it is that what is so enchanting about Bleach to me is everyone’s rich and layered backstories, and “kid of existing characters” is about as uninteresting as you can get. I mean, epilogue children are fine, I have no problem with that, but I’m not sure I care that much about them. Two, I have my own kids, I am on Tumblr to *get a break from* children. Three, I find it vaguely upsetting that Renji and Rukia had a kid so soon after getting married, I wish they had more time to have gonzo sex on every flat surface in their house, you know both of them are ~bananas~ in bed. (I mean, they probably had sex before they got married, but I tend to assume they got together fairly late in the game, also newly married sex is its Own Thing) My only explanation there is that they got married *because* they were ready to have a kid, I am sticking with that. I also would have accepted Ichika being conceived in the Royal Realm, but the timing doesn’t work out. I am generally against accidental pregnancies, but that would have been lit as f. I am not even all that sure that Rukia would want kids, although Renji is Extremely a Dad, and I think she would enjoy raising a family with him (I legit think he does most of the work and it works out very well for everyone).

Back to the business at hand. Uh, so I have seen several people give Ichika lightning powers (I am specifically thinking of @gizkasparadise, see here or @acompletenonentity ‘s very cool bankai design) and I generally approve. The tsuba of her zanpakutou is lightning shaped, which picks up the lightning designs on Renji’s. Also, Rukia’s powers are wintery and Byakuya’s are spring, so having some summer thunderstorm powers would be cool. In battle, I want her to have Big Renji energy. I love Renji in a fight, and I especially love him in a group fight, picking off a hundred low-level dudes so that Rukia or Ichigo can get to the boss. To that end, I’d like Ichika to have something with some reach, maybe a kusarigama or a naginata? 

Kazui is baby, I have never given a second of thought to his powers.

That being said, you asked ME this question, and you’re gonna get a Polynya Answer, whether you wanted one or not, and that means I am only capable of thinking about this in the context of The Narrative.

So, if I were charged with writing a Bleach Continuation, the premise would be this: Yamamoto died in the Quincy War, which means he gets reborn in the World of the Living and is a only few years older than Our Kids. My manga would revolve around Shitty Teen Yamamoto getting attacked by 1,000,000 very powerful people he does not remember doing dirty. Furthermore, there’s something that Yamamoto sealed up or whatever he’s the key to unlocking again, so Soul Society can’t just let him get killed like a bitch, he needs to regain some powers and learn the power of friendship, blah blah blah. For Reasons, he ends up in the protectorship of the Disaster Duo of Ichika and Kazui.

During one of my first watches of Bleach, I had the idea that the zanpakutou spirits were either “reincarnated” Soul Reapers, or that they were re-used, as in when a Soul Reaper dies, their zanpakutou spirit will, at some point, attach themselves to a new one. I still like this idea (I think Hyourinmaru is canonically like this, actually?) To that end, Ichika, who fancies herself a rough-and-ready dirtbag like her folks, Big Squad 11 energy, ends up with the Extremely Venerable zanpakutou spirit of some famous Kuchiki hero who died 900 years ago. I’m thinking some ancient dragon-spirit/world turtle thing who with long mustaches who is just So Extra and Ichika is like “uhhhh” and Renji and Rukia are like “uhhhhh” and the Kuchiki are like “NO PLEASE” and Byakuya, who has still not managed to get remarried and have heirs is like “THIS IS MY TIME.” Anyway, her zanpakutou is a Chinese long chuan sword like Green Destiny from Crouching Tiger. She’s primarily a physical fighter like her dad, but she’s also a very skilled kidou user, and is a well-rounded fighter overall. She’s not exactly by-the-book, but she knows the Correct Way to Do Everything.

Kazui’s powers are just batshit chaos, he does what he wants. Half the time, he’s like “I’m just gonna reverse the flow of time which will suck us into another dimension” and Ichika’s like “that’s not a thing, you can’t–” and then he does it. “I’m just gonna go into my Resurrection.” “You don’t– oh dang, you do.” And then, the other half of the time, he can’t even do simple normal things, like he can’t sense other peoples’ reiatsu or something. He absolutely cannot do kidou. His zanpakutou spirit is straight up teen Masaki. 

I LOVE Everything But the Rain, and the first time I read it, when Masaki and Isshin throw their lives away for 0 dollars in order to save each other, my first reaction was “These people are 100% Ichigo’s parents, this is perfect” and then being Orihime’s son on top of that, Kazui is just an elemental force of rescuing his precious friends and having Masaki riding shotgun Does Not Help. Ichika likes to think she’s a wild improvisor, but she’s been a shinigami since the day she was conceived. Like her father before her, she is actually the counterintuitive order muppet of the relationship.

Finally, I will not accept a fully grown Ichika who is less than 5’11” with her hair down. You bet your ass she’s covered in tattoos and owns 800 pairs of sunglasses.

Kazui is 5’5”.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[bri-rog-deak-fred]

The Night Comes Down

@mirkwoodshewolf said to bri-rog-deak-fred:

Hi-hi! So I've been binging your series love it btw. And I can't wait for more. So I noticed you have requests open so I thought I might give you a prompt. How about reader is the 5th member of Queen, it's during their first tour and while she does like seeing new places, she can't help but feel homesick while on the road. She tries to put on a brave face but our guitarist sees right through her (she could've been with Smile b4 Fred joined) and he goes to talk to her. And since he's been in(love with her from the beginning, he tries to help her out as best as he can with comforting her. Even tells her that there is one thing from home that she'll always have which ends up being his way of confessing his love (cheesy and kinda stupid I know but call me cliche) and reader (who has loved Bri as well but never though he'd go for her) admits her feelings for him. Hope you can do this my darling, if not it's fine. Keep up the good work and can't wait for the next update of good company

 Note: I loved this!! Thank you for the brilliant request! I hope I did it justice! I just love love confessions so badly ugh. Anyways, enjoy! There’s some smoking mentioned and swearing but eh, it was the 70’s! 

The tour was fantastic. New cities and faces every night, loads of fans and crazy after parties. Wild wasn’t even close to explaining it for you. It was a dream, touring with your band, Queen. Even before Freddie had joined and taken over, it was just you, your friend Brian and his close friend Roger.

You had met Brian through auditioning for his band, Smile. One night while you were trudging back to your dorm room after studying all day, you noticed a paper stapled to the wall outside the dormitory door. It was a band audition slip, saying they had a good sound and wanted like-minded people to play some rock and roll for fun. You stopped and bit your lip, thinking about your guitar back in your dorm. You quickly yanked the paper off the wall and shoved it into your bag. Though Smile had a guitarist already it said, you thought maybe you had a chance. Music came easily to you, so maybe you could easily transfer to another instrument if need be.

The day came, and you were quite nervous, not knowing a thing about who would be there or about the band. You gathered your guitar case and your song book and made your way across campus to a building you hadn’t been to before, and found the room that auditions were being held in. A boy with shaggy blond hair stood outside the door of the empty conference room, holding a pair of drumsticks. You swallow hard, suddenly more nervous than before. You crack your knuckles, hearing a quiet laugh and a “Tsk” You look up and see the boy looking at you and your guitar case. “Nervous?” He asked, voice a little gruff but higher than you expected. His baby blue eyes were entrancing and you had to literally shake yourself out of staring.

“Oh… uh, a little.” You say sheepishly, readjusting your guitar case, clearing your throat.

“I heard he already has someone playing guitar.” He said, eyes looking to your case.

You shrug, feeling more anxious by the moment. “I sing too.”

The boy seemed satisfied with your answer before sticking out his hand, free of drum sticks. “I’m Roger. Roger Taylor.” He introduced himself with a wink and a devilish smile.

You couldn’t help but feel your heart lurch a little. “Y/N L/N.” you took his hand and shook it, before the door to the auditioning space opened. A kid with a wearable piano left with a rather upset face. A very tall boy with dark curly hair that you could tell was partially straightened, followed after him with a little clipboard. You watched as the piano boy left, huffing as he scuffled passed. You felt your mouth open a little, forgetting why you were there or who the beautiful boy with the wave brown hair was. He looked up and his hazel eyes found yours, before he looked to the boy known as Roger with the drum sticks.

“Roger… Meddows Taylor? You’re next.” He gave him a kind smile, before he looked to you. “You’re up after Roger.” He said politely, before both of them had gone into the room, closing the door. You let out a slow sigh and felt yourself sit against the wall, practicing some vocal warm ups, heart panging wildly in your chest.

 -

 You nailed the audition, of course. When you met Brian May, you felt nervous at first, unable to get over his charming crooked smile and how kind his voice was. After you introduced yourself and joked with him for a moment, you relaxed completely. He was a little worried, since you also played guitar and he was the original guitarist, but once you sang for him and told him you could also play some piano, he didn’t seem all too worried. He even had you harmonize with him, and found that your voices sounded great, almost ethereal together.

 From then on, you, Brian, Tim, and Roger were the faces of the band Smile. After sometime, Tim left, leaving you all bass less and without a lead singer, which is when your friend Freddie had come along and upturned everything. You had also found John Deacon, a shy boy who was at least a year or two younger than you, playing a very funky bass, leading to the birth of Queen.

 Now here you all were, a major success and touring across the country, heading to reaches of the world you never thought you’d be able to see. Thrilling, to say the least. But it was a long journey and you had longed for your quiet room and your own blankets and some alone time. You missed being able to take a break and sit back and breathe, but the tour was so fast pace, your feet could barely touch the ground.

 -

 It was late, the road seemed never ending. You couldn’t seem to sleep, feelings of home lingered in your mind and wouldn’t let you rest. You got up from the side couch you were trying to sleep on and began to pace quietly, mind over thinking. You rub your eyes and decide to grab your journal to write and doodle, hopefully getting your mind off of it all.

 You sat and began to write your feelings out on the page, feeling your demeanor slip. Tears filled your eyes as you wrote “I just want to go home” on the page. You bury your head in your arms, being as quiet as you could so you didn’t wake the four sleeping boys who were mere feet away from you. You fell asleep at the table, tears drying to your cheeks.

You suddenly felt a hand touch your shoulder and you jumped, quickly slamming your notebook closed. You looked around, seeing that it was dawn and the sky outside the window was a light purple, graduating down to a warm tangerine orange as the sun began to make its presence known. You felt your back ache and you yawn, looking up to see who had woken you. You look up and see a very sleepy Brian, eyes droopy and hair a wild mess. The longer you all were on tour, the longer his hair got and the more curly it seemed to get as well. You thought that maybe it was where he hid all of his creativity.

“Y/n, what are you doing over here?” He asked, yawning. You look up to him and wipe your swollen eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, thought maybe I would try to work on a few songs but I guess I fell asleep.” You let out a soft giggle. Brian smiled to you, noting your red rimmed eyes. Even now, half asleep and startled did he think you were beautiful as ever. “Why are you up so early?” You ask. “Road got bumpy and Roger was snoring too loud.” He shrugged and yawned himself. He sat down across from you at the table. “Excited for tonight?” He asked. You had forgotten that you were all still touring and playing your music for a moment. Your heart jolted at the idea of playing on stage, reminding you why you had begun all of this in the first place.

“Yeah, as always.” You answer honestly, but your voice sounded not so enthusiastic.

Brian bit his lip, hoping you were just tired. “You okay, love?” He asked. He could sense your uneasiness and hoped to pry an answer from you. He hated seeing you so melancholy. Lately, it seemed that’s all you ever were when you thought he wasn’t looking.

You meet his eyes and then you look back out of the window. “I’m fine, Bri. Sleeping on this bloody bus is going to be the death of me though.” You say, rolling your eyes. You didn’t want Brian to get worried about you for anything. Brian quirked an eyebrow and played with his white painted nails, seeing right through your lie. He didn’t want to pick an argument though. Not this early. “I know what you mean.” He let out a hollow sigh. “It’ll be over soon. I hope you’re having fun with us though. I know I’m really happy to have you along. We couldn’t have done this without you.” Brian admitted. “Sorry we haven’t been able to talk, just us.”

“We’re talking now, Bri. Besides, I’d much rather talk to you alone at my flat or at that book shop you like. Some place other than here. Right now, we’re ‘Working’. It’s hard to get a minute to yourself even.” You look to your note book, secretly wishing you were alone with Brian back at home, and not on a crowded, semi-over heated tour bus full of stinky boys and the occasional groupie or two.

You shake your head. “You’d all be fine without me here.” You chuckle and roll your eyes,

“Not true.” Brian shot you a glare and you stick your tongue out at him, before laughing quietly.

“SHUT UP YOU WANKS!” You hear Roger shout from under the blankets he was currently pulling over his head. 

You snort a little, looking over your shoulder, watching John stir a little, his face contorted from Roger’s yelling. Freddie was still dead asleep, leg sticking out in the middle of the aisle. You watch as Brian gets up and stretches his arms above his head. “Since we have down time, I’m going to read that book you gave me. You know, you can always talk to me…about anything. Right?” Brian’s face was solemn but his eyes were kind and inviting. You almost wanted to break down and cry right then and there, but you smiled greatly instead. “I know, you dork.” Your cheeks find the peachy color of a blush and you look away, butterflies churning in your stomach from Brian’s friendly kindness.  He ruffled your already messy hair as he stiffly walked back to where he had been sleeping. You look to your journal and feel the longing feeling pull at your chest.

For a moment, you look to where Brian was laying, watching him as he lazily turned the pages of a book you gave him right before you had left on tour. A warm sense of home came over you as you watched Brian and yet again, you felt sad. You wished it could be just you and Brian in that bed, talking nonsense for hours like you had at home.

 Domestic, you thought and scoffed. Besides, you knew Brian only liked you as a friend and band mate. And he had a girlfriend, you only had to assume. How could he not? You shuffled back to your little bed area and laid down, pulling the blanket up to your nose and you watched the sunrise as the dull movements of the bus rocked you back to sleep.

 -

 The show that night was fantastic. Everyone was dazzling as always. You had even found a few peanuts in your hair from Deaky throwing them at you and Brian from across the stage. While the boys hung around back stage, talking to groupies and fans, you sighed and quickly got your own things packed up, feeling rather drained and exhausted.

 You were in the middle of brushing out your hair inside your shared dressing room, when a knock came from the door. You turn and saw Roger with a girl in short blue jeans and a bikini top hanging around him. “Y/N, love. We’re heading out. Get your jacket on, let’s go.” He said, closing the door before you could even tell him no. You wished you could rub your eyes, but now that you were all covered in stage makeup, you couldn’t. You tossed your hair back, plastering a fake smile on your face and decided to go with them. 

In the smoke filled room of some club Freddie had gathered everyone at, you sat, jacket still wrapped around your frame. God, how you wanted to be at home sleeping. You sat in a booth with all of your bandmates, watching as they all had their drinks and slowly got more and more drunk, laughing and smiling with each other. You sat quietly, nursing a beer.

 You played with the rim of the bottle, resting your head back and closing your eyes, feeling your lip quiver.

“Fuck this.” You whisper and suddenly get up, feeling a tug to your hand. You shot a nasty look to whomever was touching you, before your gaze softened. Brian looked to you, confused and worried.

“Sorry, I thought you were some random person… I’m getting something stronger. Want anything?” You lie, wishing to shake him off so he would have fun.

“What? No, I’m good. Are you alright? Is something wrong?” He asked, getting ready to stand.

“Yeah, I’m great Bri!” You smile a little too hard. He noticed and began standing even more. You pushed his shoulder down, causing his tipsy self to sit back down. He furrowed his brow at you, but you ignored the look. “I’ll be right back! Promise!” You smiled to him, squeezing his hand before you let it go and walked towards the bar.

 After you knew he wasn’t watching you, you made a b-line for the back door. You walked out into the alley way behind the bar, smelling foul garbage and vomit and maybe a splash of gasoline. You pull your jacket tight around you, thankful no one else was out there. Once the door fully closed, all you heard was the pulsing beat of whatever music was playing inside mixed with the sweet atmospheric silence of a chilly night.

Your hand shook as you dug around in your pocket, finding a box of cigarettes and your lighter, pulling the white fiend from the box and holding it with your teeth as you flicked the flame and inhaled until it was lit. You took a few puffs before you lost your composure, feeling your walls crumble to the ground as tears and absolute dread came from within. 

You try to stay as quiet as possible, leaning back against the wall, hand covering your eyes as you cry and hit your cigarette. Suddenly the door you were standing next to opened and you jumped, almost dropping your cigarette. Brian had followed you to the back-alley and now here he was, watching you sob.

“Y/n?” He asked, rushing to your side. You knew you couldn’t lie now. “Oh, love. What happened? Did someone hurt you? Are you okay?” He asked, checking you over for any injuries or cuts before pulling you into his chest, hugging you tightly. You cried for what seemed like ages, unable to find the words in your throat.

“I’m just a little tired.” You say softly, voice breaking a little. You take a long drawn of your cigarette and extinguished it on the side of the building, before you out int back in your pocket.

“Y/N, I know you better than that.” Brian said, furrowing his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?” He asked again, voice gentle. The silence of the world around you was enough to suffocate you.

“I’m just… I-I wanna go home. I want to go back home.” You began, feeling your breathing grow heavy as more tears flowed from your eyes. “I’m done with the tour… I can’t do this anymore, Brian I have to go home.” You say against the fabric of his shirt, face pressed to his chest. You felt bad for getting it wet with your tears.

“The tour will be over before you know it, and then we’ll be at home. I know how you’re feeling.” Brian tried to comfort you, his skilled fingers rubbing your back gently as you slowed your breathing.

“I sound so selfish.” You laugh a little. “This is our dream. My dream. Why do I hate it so much?” You hiss.

Brian let out a sigh, feeling sorry for you, wishing he could take away all that was troubling you.  Minutes passed before you settled to a point where you couldn’t cry anymore but you still felt so lonesome and homesick.

“Think of it like this.” He began, standing you straight in front of him. His thumbs gently rubbed the tears and makeup running down your cheeks. “You are home. With me and Fred and Rog… Deaky. We’re doing what we normally do, right? Play music, goof around, talk nonsense. Just all in new places.” Brian smiled a little, causing you to do the same.

“I do like the change of scenery, sure. I just… I don’t know why I feel so anxious.” You shake your head.

Brian’s eyes look over your face again and again trying to take away all the hurt. “As long as you’re with me, you’re home, alright? You’ll always have one thing from home, no matter where you go and that’s me. I’ll always be here for you, sweetheart.”

You felt a rush of relief, not noticing how much Brian had actually cared for you. I could be anywhere in the world, millions of miles away from my flat, but as long as I’m with you, I feel at home, Y/N. You’re a great comfort to me and your company is truly the best I’ve had.” Brian began to blush and your hands shook. Maybe you were dreaming.

“Truth is… I fancy you, quite a lot actually. But you’re also my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be so forward as to say I love you, but Y/N, I love you. When I’m with you, I’m home.” Brian says, gaining all the courage of a lion, perhaps.

You felt your cheeks burn and your eyes tear up again. “Oh… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean… I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to upset you even more. A complete idiot I am.” Brian began to panic, seeing your tears again.

You chuckle, wiping the underneath of your eyes. “No Bri, shush.” You pull him into a hug again. You could feel his hesitation, so you grabbed his arms and wrapped them around your waist for him. You held him so tightly, closing your eyes. “I love you too, Brian May. So so much.” You say, fingers gripping his shirt. You sniffle and smile up to him.

“Oh god… You don’t have to say it because you feel bad or-“ He began before you tugged on his shirt collar, pulling him down until his lips crashed into yours. For years you had wondered what it would be like to kiss him, but never had you thought it would be as amazing as it was.

 Even the Big Bang was small compared to the feeling of kissing Brian. You pull away after a few moments, cheeks burning bright. Your hand found Brian’s cheek, holding his face for a moment. “Thank you.” You whispered and hugged him greatly again. You felt him laugh under your head as he rested his face on the top of your hair.

“I’m always here for you, my love.” He said sweetly and held you tightly as the night fell down around you, feeling more at home than you had all tour long.