#anyway this thought is how I'll cope with this month

[jbbuckybarnes]

We're in the month that Avengers: Endgame is set in and at this point I would welcome it if the multiverse would suddenly break a bit. Bring it on!

[sleepyjupz]

i dont think i've (intentionally) spoken on this tumblr in a bit and i, like basically everyone else, am so so tired and so so sad

[sturniholo]

when you know you know - matt sturniolo

in which seeing matt interact with your little cousin tugs on your heartstrings

┊ ✫ ┊ ┊ ☾⋆ ┊ ⊹ ┊ ✯ ⋆ ┊

Nerves were running rampant through Matt's body. You could practically feel it. Most of the car ride had been silent, which was unusual. The two of you would normally talk the whole time, talking about your day or anything that was on your mind.

However, Matt was too uneasy to speak. Today he was finally going to be meeting the rest of your family. He had met your parents a few months earlier, and of course, he was nervous, but this was a whole different level of anxiousness.

You two had been together for almost a year. He had met your parents a few months in, and they absolutely adored him. It was the same way when you met his. But, meeting the rest of your family was an even bigger deal to him.

Every year, your family would host a big cookout in the summer. It was a way for everyone to see each other and catch up. And you thought it would be the perfect idea to bring Matt.

"It's okay, baby." Your hand found his arm, gently grabbing onto the tattooed skin. You began to rub patterns onto the skin, trying to calm him down. His eyes left the road for a split second, locking onto yours. You gave him a small smile as you looked into his eyes. They were slightly widened, which told you just how anxious he was. "I'll be with you the whole time."

After about twenty more minutes of driving, Matt pulled his car into your aunt's driveway. You watched his fingers slightly tremble as he took the key out of the ignition, which made you frown to yourself. "You ready, babe?" you asked as you unbuckled your seatbelt. He gave a short nod before the both of you exited the car.

You stood hand in hand at the front door, waiting for someone to open it. Matt occasionally gave your hand a squeeze, which you learned was a way he coped with his anxiety. Soon enough, the door opened to reveal your little cousin. "Y/n!" she squealed. She ran up to you, wrapping herself around your body. Her head rested on your stomach as she looked up at you, making you laugh.

"Hi, Julie." Julie was your little cousin and was only six years old. Over the years, the two of you had grown quite close. At every family event, she stayed attached to your hip. "How have you been, pretty girl?"

"Good."

You turned to look at Matt. He had a big smile on his face as he looked down at Julie. "She's the cutest isn't she?" He nodded at you. "Julie, this is Matt." She looked up at him, shyly waving at him.

"Hi, Julie." He held his hand out for a high five, which she hesitantly accepted.

"Y/n, it's so good to see you." Your aunt came around the corner, wiping her hands on her pants. Based on that, you could tell she had been cooking. She loved to cook and you always enjoyed her food. Her arms wrapped around you, pulling you into her chest for a hug. As she pulled away, she looked you up and down. "Don't you look awful pretty?"

"You know I get it from my mama," you replied with a laugh.

Her eyes wandered from you and over to Matt. She gave him a quick look before looking back to you. "Oh, this is Matt."

"It's nice to meet you, Matt." She pulled him in for a quick hug, which he stiffly accepted. "I'm Y/n's aunt Veronica."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. L/N."

"Oh, please call me Veronica. Calling me Mrs. sounds so old," she said with a laugh. A nervous chuckle left his mouth as he nodded. "Well, I'll let y'all get out there. I gotta get back to the kitchen anyway."

You grabbed Matt's hand and led him out to the backyard. Your parents were sitting at a table, talking to your grandparents. You walked over towards them, Matt following close behind you.

You wrapped your arms around your mom, resting your head on her shoulder. "Hi, my girl." Your mom grabbed onto your arms, giving them a loving squeeze.

You pulled away, making her turn around in her seat. Her eyes landed on Matt, immediately lighting up. "Matt, it's good to see you, honey." He walked over to her, giving her a quick hug.

After your father hugged you, he walked over to Matt, giving him a pat on the back. "It's good to see you. Don't be too nervous, I was in your position not too long ago," he joked. Matt let out a laugh, which made you smile to yourself.

For the next few hours, you spent your time stuffing your face and introducing Matt to the rest of your family. It was safe to say they liked him already. And you could see every ounce of nervousness leave his body.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, you made your way back outside. From across the yard, you could see Matt and Julie. She was on her swing and Matt stood behind her, gently pushing her forward. The sight alone made your heart burst.

You walked back to the table, taking a seat beside your aunt. Your eyes were still glued onto Matt, smiling as you saw how he interacted with Julie. How he made sure he was gentle and the big, toothy grin he had on his face. The sound of Julie's precious giggles filled your ears, making you clutch onto your heart.

"You picked a good one." You turned your attention to your aunt, who nudged your shoulder. "I've never seen her be so comfortable with someone so quick before."

"I know." The two of you sat side by side, watching as Matt played with Julie.

As the night came to an end, the sun started to set, making the air around you get chilly. After telling all of your aunts and uncles goodbye, you made your way over to Matt. He was still playing with Julie, only they had moved to her little table in the grass.

As you got closer, you saw Julie asleep on Matt's lap, her head resting on his chest. A little bit of drool shined from the corner of her mouth making you laugh to yourself. But the way Matt held onto her made butterflies erupt in your stomach. It's almost like he was made for this. Just seeing how good he was with kids made your heart stop.

"You ready to go?"

He placed his finger to his lips, making a shushing sound. "We gotta put to her bed first," he whispered. He carefully stood up, making sure not to wake her. His hand found the back of her head, holding her against his chest. You led him up into her room, tucking her in for bed.

When the two of you were back in the car, you couldn't help but sigh to yourself. It was such a good day for both of you. "What?"

You turned to look at him. "They loved you, Matt. They really did." You grabbed onto his hand, interlocking his fingers with yours. "Seeing you with Julie really made me happy. You don't understand how cute you looked." He softly laughed, squeezing your fingers.

No one in the world could be better for you.

┊ ✫ ┊ ┊ ☾⋆ ┊ ⊹ ┊ ✯ ⋆ ┊

a/n: had to take a break from writing smut, was getting kinda tired of writing it 😭😭 but i just know matt would make an amazing girl dad ☹️

[everyonewooeverywhere]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ bf!jongho x f!reader

synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.

content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, slightly angsty, relatively fluffy (certainly the fluffiest thing i've ever written here)

word count ✭ 2.5k

note ✭ so this was something i really needed to write for myself, i think. for those who don't know (which is all of you lol) i have adhd. where i see it the most in my own life is chronic procrastination. it's something i've had to learn to cope with a lot throughout my life. a lot of times, when i feel the need to avoid feeling the stress of my personal life, i'll scroll on instagram or tumblr forever. which then leads to a heaping ton of guilt in the following hours as i try to make up for lost time. it's a wonderful cycle.

anyway, this is to say, that coping alone can be incredibly difficult. don't get me wrong, i have a handful of wonderful friends (who go to school across the country) and an angel of a therapist, but i often romanticize having someone there to help drag me out of those hopeless cycles. and not because i think i need someone to do it for me, but having that person is a really comforting thought. and, today, that is jongho i guess 😀

that being said, this mc doesn't necessarily have adhd, but they are certainly experiencing something that i experience very frequently as a byproduct of it.

like, is this smut? yeah, but im allowed to be emotional 😗

warnings ✭ mc is stressed af, protected sex, really soft sex (they're in love 😤)

✭✭✭✭

It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.

So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 

You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.

Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 

Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Jongho months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Jongho had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.

But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 

Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.

| jongho 🐻🤎: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.

| jongho 🐻🤎: that ok?

God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.

| jongho 🐻🤎: y/n? 

| jongho 🐻🤎: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?

Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.

“Hi,” you picked up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 

You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”

“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."

You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.

“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.

You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”

“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”

“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”

When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 

✭✭✭✭

By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Jongho had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 

When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 

“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”

You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”

The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Jongho had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.

And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.

“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 

That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.

“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“How could I ever forget? I love you, too, y/n.”

✭✭✭✭

After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Jongho had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.

You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.

He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Jongho would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 

When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.

Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.

He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.

Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 

Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.

He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.

He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 

Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 

With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 

Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.

“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.

You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”

When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.

He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 

“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.

You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 

He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 

You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.

Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”

“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”

“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.

He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”

You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”

He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.

For him, though, that was more than enough.

✭✭✭✭

note ✭ ok this shit got really personal 💀 but i did really enjoy writing it. it's not often that i write a whole oneshot in one sitting but i did today (other than my minor break to eat dinner).

also, i was actually between writing this for vernon or jongho because i felt like they both kinda fit the vibe (sorry if the knowledge that this could have been a hansol fic makes anyone sad), but maybe i'll write something similar for him next time i'm feeling it

again, i hope you enjoyed this! thank you so much for reading 💗

mwah~

[agentstarkid]

NEPENTHE ✦ DR3

NEPENTHE, a term rooted in Greek mythology, refers to a legendary potion believed to dispel sorrow and induce forgetfulness of pain. This concept has evolved to symbolize anything that eases suffering and promotes emotional healing. When applied to love and post-heartbreak, nepenthe can be seen as a metaphor for the various ways people cope with the pain of lost love. This could include time, new relationships, self-discovery, or therapeutic activities that help one heal. Just as nepenthe provided mythical relief, these modern "potions" help individuals gradually let go of their heartache and find happiness again.

✦ PAIRING: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader

✦ PIT BOARD: social media au | ✦ FC: becky g

✦ TRACK LIMITS: female!reader, latina!reader, age gap, language, drama, internet meanies.

✦ MAY'S RADIO: holi, loves! sorry for the long wait, adult life is a bitch. Hope y'all like this chapter because I'm not fully convinced I like it yet lol if there's any mistake...it's 02:21 a.m. and I'm dead on my feet but I was set on posting this today. If you've been playing attention to my easter eggs, you'd have seen this coming 😜 Pretty please tell me your thoughts!! I’ve been stewing on this for like two months so I beg of you to reply/reblog/send me an ask (anon or not!!) telling me what you thought!! Feeds me!! Also, shoutout to Nonnie!!! can't wait to read what you think of this 🙊❤️ Anyways, eat up, babes.

< previous chapter | series masterlist | general masterlist

JULY 1, 2022

⇥ tiktok search: y/n l/n sings devuélveme el corazón

────────────────────────

JULY 15, 2022

⥂ translation:

- Hey, friend! How are you? + Kuniii! What a surprise! I'm good, and you? What have you been up to? - Everything is fine here in Miami, enjoying a little bit of the sun. Listen, we haven't seen each other in a while. Aug 7 is City's first game of the season at the Etihad and I was invited. With Sofi we thought about taking you with us, so are you in? + Sounds great, Kuni! I've never been to the Etihad. But I don't know. Lately, things hasn't been going well for me with all the negative attention. I'm not sure if being in the public eye would be for the best. - I get it, Y/N. But c'mon, you should come! We'll be in a private box, far away from the paparazzis. No one is gonna bother you there, I promise. Besides, Sofi and I are gonna make you have a great time! + I don't know, Kun. To be honest, more drama is the last thing I want. - That's why I'm telling you this. It will be good for you to have a change of scenery, enjoy a good game and be with friends! And, we miss you. Sofi is already planning a great day for you. You can't let people's opinions to affect you like that. You have to live your life and enjoy it. Come with us, it will do you good. + To be fair, I do need a break. I'm gonna think about it and I'll give you my answer soon! - There's nothing to think about, Y/N! Come with us and let's have a spectacular weekend. Sofi and I are gonna take care of you and make sure you have a great time! + Ok ok, alright. I'm going! It's gonna be great seeing you and Sofi again. What should I bring? - Awesome! Just bring good vibes, a crazy desire to have a good time and something blue to support City. You come to Miami and and we leave in the jet, is that alright? We will coordinate better later. + Oki! I'm already excited! Thank you, Kuni. I really needed this! - That's what friends are for! I promise you that it will be very good for you! See you soon! + See you soon! Thank you for everything!

────────────────────────

JULY 29, 2022

liked by lewishamilton, daddyyankee, thalia and 2,145,873 others

yourinstagram que digan lo que sea, yo subo y bajo como la marea 🌊✨🧿

⥂ translation: let them say whatever, I rise and fall like the tide 🌊✨🧿

───

View all 2.952.512 comments

───

fioamato Se tratan de montar y tambalean 🎶🐸☕

itsvittoriasousa Muchos la critican sin conocerla 💅🏼 iamdannaschwarz Se merece tanto y recibe tan poco 😤 andrew_allen Calle como un Civic, inteligente como un Tesla 🚗 sebastianyatra Mírala cómo camina, lo que le falta es la tarima 👀 yourinstagram No pidas rosas si no aguantas espinas!! 🥀

sebastianyatra q hdptaaa fiesta con la familyyyy 🫠🩵

llane ah con que así son las cosas, acá ya a uno no lo invitan 🙄 (⥂ translation: ah so that's how it is, here's someone who doesn't get invited)

rickymontaner brother somos dos 🙄 (⥂ translation: brother same) sebastianyatra conozco unos manes que no contestan el gc 🙄 (⥂ translation: i know some guys who don't answer the gc) ricardomontaner mau y ricky + llane + sebas + y/n = peligro por donde lo mires 😂❤️ (⥂ translation: danger wherever you look at it) yourinstagram ricardomontaner pero like in the best way, tío 😝❤️

user i absolutely love how her friends are singing the lyrics of bad bunny's song in the comments 😂

userA user even Vitto's bf commented too 😂 userB user they are really specific lyrics tho 🙊

user2 Daniel can't really outrun her, can he? 😂

soficalzetti divina! te extraño 💕

user3 is that HamilGOAT???

badbunnypr Y/N, sé tú y que se mame' un bicho las personas ❤️

yourinstagram ❤️🤘🏽

user4 Andrea is honestly my fav BB song 😭

user5 not me trying to zoom in to read those 🔥 lyrics bc ya know my girl is cooking the baddest album in history 😎

user7 I tried to like this twice once I saw that first photo DAMN 😮

user8 first pic is giving mermaid baddie/H2O vibes

user9 my boy DR fumbled hard 😵‍💫 wdym he just woke up one day next to this woman and decided he wanted smth else??? like ??? bro u ok????? 🤯

lewishamilton surfing ✅📋 next time we are sky diving sis 🪂

yourintagram time and place I'll be there brother 😛 roscoelovescoco can you's take me's with you's?

────────────────────────

AUGUST 7, 2022

Instagram

yourinstagram has added to their story!

⥂ translation 1: Going to a game with Kun is having a sports commentator explaining every play and probability, and who is who on the field.

⥂ translation 2: The boy is happy with the result of the match.

──────

yourinstagram has followed rubendias!

──────

────────────────────────

AUGUST 18, 2022

liked by honeymoon, danielricciardo, rubendias and 3,145,873 others

yourinstagram Happi happi ⭐️ note to self: you da bidi bidi bom bom ✨

───

View all 1.962.314 comments

───

user DANIEL LIKED!!!!!! MY DAN-YN HEART ❤️😭

userA Mom and Dad; Divorced but never forgotten 😭🖐 userB girl don't, he's not welcome here 😤 userC does this means he agrees she was too much of a bad bitch for his weak ass to handle? 🤣

user2 stay 🤺 the fuck 🤺 away 🤺 you 🤺 unemployed driver 🤺

userA unemployed driver is cold. it's not even official yet buddy userB lmao her replacement better not see his like on our queen's photos 😂 userC homie must be hiding somewhere and crying staring at these photos because she looks 🔥🔥🔥

user3 Literally the love of my life. She's so cute and energetic

user4 you deserve real happiness and loyalty...Don't you ever settle!

juliamichaels hot DAMN

camila_cabello hot DIGGITY DAMN

user5 I'm so glad Daniel dumped her 🗿

beberexha ok hottie!! ❤️🔥

lizzo Everyone STOP TALKING I'm trying to stare at Y/N

blakelively Absolutely fking stunning wowowow

yourinstagram let me hit u with the uno reverse card

user6 this may sound cheesy but you're literally one of the prettiest women I've ever seen 💕

yourinstagram user5 that's so unbelievably kind

sza FACE CARD NEVER DECLINES

user7 i'm single you single... let's make it happen 😍

iamdannaschwarz we live for that smile

user8 such an attention seeker 🤡 because she ain't getting that man back in this life lol

user she is so obsessed with him i swear she's pathetic yourinstagram I don't really care what you think of me because first of all, if you really don't like me, what are you guys doing wasting your time on my page? tell me who's obsessed with who?

user9 Why not? 😭

userA i think when mfs bag a baddie they dont kno how to act right 😭 im not sure sum like that userB userA correct and when they do get a girl like that they leave her for way less userC Lmaoooo frr

user queen is in her idgaf era and I'm fucking here for it!!!

──────

──────

────────────────────────

AUGUST 22, 2022

Instagram

yourinstagram has added to their story!

rubendias has added to their story!

──────

────────────────────────

AUGUST 24, 2022

liked by fioamato and 1,147,693 others

f1 BREAKING: Daniel Ricciardo will leave McLaren at the end of the 2022 season

#F1 #Formula1 mclaren

───

View all 856,548 comments

───

user See you later 👏👏

user2 that's called karma

user3 Only McLaren? Why not f1? The queu of young talented drivers is long

user4 So sad that they decided only bet to Lando. All best to Daniel I wish you find better place.

user5 I’m glad I never bought an orange shirt… where are we off to next Dan?

user6 LMAO NOT FIO LIKING THIS POST 🤣

userA that's iconic behavior ngl

user7 and you all were calling y/n a flop, oh how the tables have turned lmaooooo

user8 man lost the greatest woman he could've pulled and now he lost his seat and all in the same year 🤡

user9 mclaren you know this is the best guy you have right? It's not his fault your car is inconsistent. This is not 2021 where you had your car figured out.....this is a bad pr piece for you as well as a bad marketing look since danielricciardo has a look far beyond what your brand reach is. Fire your marketing team as they have failed you...

user10 $21 million going away present?

user11 Honestly Vettel said it best “mclaren didn’t bring the best out of him” I just hope he gets a place in 2023 and does well

────────────────────────

SEPTEMBER 11, 2022

Instagram

yourinstagram has added to their story!

rubendias has added to their story!

──────

──────

────────────────────────

SEPTEMBER 21, 2022

──────

────────────────────────

OCTOBER 6, 2022

⥂ translation:

— salmahayek Happy birthday, my precious girl! You are a light in the lives of everyone who knows you. I'm here for you always! — jbalvin Happy birthday, lil sis. Many blessings to you always! — sebastianyatra Happy birthday, Penguin! I keep your friendship like a treasure that will always be with me. I feel lucky to know that big heart you have. I love you a lot, Pulga (Flea)!

──────

liked by rubendias, aliciakeys, alejandrosanz and 2,756,378 others

yourinstagram Thank you 23, you taught me so much. You brought me so much courage, inspiration, & healing. You reminded me that life is too short. You have brought me even closer to my true self & made me realize just how strong I am. I will remember you as the year that reminded me that living life on anyone else’s terms isn’t living… You taught me to do ME, with grace, love, and kindness. Thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday, I love you all. And, of course, a very special thank you to my favorite people in the 🌍 for going above and beyond to make me feel so loved, appreciated, & cared for. Bienvenido 24, un placer conocerte 🥳 ps: had lots of cakes this year, I couldn't be happier!! 😍

───

natalie_pinkham Happiest of birthdays to the most gorgeous of gals ❤️🥳🥂🎉

yourinstagram natalie_pinkham thank you Nat! Lots of love ❤️❤️

nina ❤️❤️❤️

parishilton happy birthday angel girl ❤️

bohnes happy birthday rockstar 🎉

markhoppus HDB kid 💥

annemarie Make a wish! 🎂✨ Hope all your birthday dreams come true ❤️

lilymhe You are such a beautiful soul, inside and out, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life ❤️

luisfonsi Wishing you an amazing day and a year full of blessings. ¡Un fuerte abrazo!

keleighteller You bring so much joy and light into the lives of everyone around you ✨

anitta feliz aniversário, meu amor! Beijos! 💖

shawnmendes Hope your day is as incredible as you are ❤️ Keep shining! 🌟

daddyyankee ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Y/N! Espero que tengas un día espectacular y un año lleno de éxitos

jenniferaniston Wishing you a day filled with joy, love, and all your favorite things. Have an amazing year ahead! 💖✨

tomholland2013 Happy Birthday, Y/N! 🎉🎂

sofiavergara ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Y/N! Que tengas un día maravilloso lleno de amor y alegría 💃🏻✨

zacefron Have a fantastic day and an even better year. Enjoy every moment! 💫

niallhoran happy birthday 🍻

selenagomez Happy Birthday angel! 🎉 Sending you lots of love and positive vibes on your special day ❤️

kellinquinn Happy Birthday, Y/N! Rock on and have an amazing day!

kellyclarkson May your day be filled with love, laughter, and everything you desire. Cheers to you! 💖✨

───

Comments on this post have been limited.

────────────────────────

NOVEMBER 3, 2022

liked by rubendias, landonorris, juliaanalvarez and 2,145,873 others

yourinstagram He(art)

───

View all 6,856,548 comments

───

sasha__rebecca 💙

itsvittoriasousa i like it, picasso

chloestroll what a gorgeous piece of art and the picasso is cute ig

user NOOOOOO WE CANT LOSE OUR MOTHER TO ANOTHER FOOTBALLER

juliaanalvarez 😎🆒

user2 I admire Y/N’s faith in love, no matter how many times she’s heartbroken and let down she still falls in love like it’s the very first time and I think this is how it should be because every single love and relationship is different and unique and should be approached as such

user agree. especially because she's not actually the crazy, guy obsessed girl the media and haters paint her as. she's falling in love when it makes sense, she's not out searching for whirlwind romances and toxic guys. she writes about it bc it's REAL anyway i hope she finds her person one day. first loves lasting forever is nice but isn't possible for most people and that's fine. i think her healthy approach is a great influence on her younger fans who fantasise about love and life just like she did

user3 girlie sure loves her athletes lmao

userA she sure loves the number 3 🤪 userB she once said it was her lucky number and apparently she was really serious about that 🤣

user4 alexa play you belong with me (taylor's version) by taylor swift 😠

user5 watch her ruin him like she ruined daniel

user6 this girl is trying so hard to stay relevant lmao bitch you are a gold digging whore and a massive flop, doesn't matter whose dick you're riding now 🤣

user7 when do we think they're hard launching we already know it's rúben 😂

userA she played the same game with mr. perfectly fine the last time userB MR PERFECTLY FINE OMG YOU'RE SO RIGHT "Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl. I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her" IS SO DANIEL CODED userC ruben literally posted the same picture on his ig 😂 inconspicuousness left the chat with these two

user8 babygirl decided to stop playing in little league, she's on the big leagues now as she fucking should

──────

liked by johnstones5, joaofelix79, nathanake and 322,873 others

rubendias life's been good lately 😊

───

View all 1,548 comments

───

user who got my boy listening to sleeping at last?

user2 Bro is winning on and off pitch

user3 i still can't believe rúben dias liked every picture she posted for years and also admitted his massive crush for her with his whole chest in a team video and ended up being y/n l/n's boyfriend a few months later

userA bro is the picture of perseverance. He played the long game and at the end, he got the girl 😎 userB he's my GOAT for a reason userC they don't make 'em like him anymore (a total simp for his girl)

jackgrealish alright romeo 🙄😂🩵

johnstones5 kunaguero 🤝🏻

kunaguero johnstones5 🤝🏻

user4 best defender in the world only deserves the best! 🧱

nathanake 🩵

user5 they are not even trying to hide it anymore

user6 Ru we are on the doorstep of the world cup you can't lose your focus with another pop star

userA she's definitely gonna bring him bad luck, everything she touches turns to ashes

user7 "But your heart is your masterpiece, and I'll keep it safe" THIS MOTHERFUCKER BETTER BE SERIOUS 😭

user "Your darkness will be rewritten into a work of fiction, you'll see" 😭😭 userA I'm really wishing that he's the one for her. She deserves a happy ending

user8 YOU WERE BLESSED WITH MOTHER'S HEART SO YOU BETTER PROTECT IT THROUGH THICK AND THIN, VOCÊ ENTENDE? 🤨🤺

♥ rubendias has liked this comment

user9 Mofo better keep his focus we need that 🏆!!!!

────────────────────────

DECEMBER 31, 2022

liked by rubendias, natalie_pinkham, shawnmendes and 2,145,873 others

yourinstagram A student of life I am. Damn it’s humbling as hell when you surrender to the fact that only thing you can control is YOURSELF. Not a person, thing or situation beyond that. Who you become in this life is 100% on you. Letting go of all that doesn’t serve you is self-care. Remember that.

2022 is a year that really marked me… It was filled with moments of all kinds. Wanted to share the ones that made me smile even in the hardest of times. Beyond thankful for the good, the bad and the ugly ❤️‍🩹

───

View all 6,856,548 comments

───

marcusstoinis was the paint supposed to go on the wall or on yourself? 😂 scottyjames31

scottyjames31 don't talk if you don't know about art bro 🤫👨🏼‍🎨 yourinstagram marcusstoinis the technique was questionable but the painter did a good job. His partner on the other hand did a marvelous job ❤️ would recommend their job if you are moving into a new house too 👍🏽 cholestroll 😂❤️

lewishamilton see you soon for the next aventure sis 😎🪂

tinistoessel te adoro muñeca 💖

andrew_allen we might have the next Alex Morgan in our hands 😮‍💨

itsvittoriasousa she said she wants to be a champ like "unca benny" 😅 yourinstagram itsvittoriasousa nah I think she said she /wants/ unca benny, little trouble gave me the stink eye whenever I got too close and didn't let me play 😂 andrew_allen 😅

user i guess it is official official now so welcome to the family dad rubendias

user2 pics 5, 6 & 9 called me single in too many different languages 😭

user3 IZA IS GETTING SO BIG!!!!

user4 sunglasses on, hand behing her back... baby iza means business

user5 OMG IT'S ED!!! ARE U GUYS COLLABING AGAIN???!!! 😭😍

user6 I really hope next year she is as active on sm as she was before, I miss her too much 🥺

user7 shut up they are the fucking cutest couple already 😍

user8 this is what she deserves!! looots of love and someone who knows how to treat a queen right

rubendias Mô ❤️

userA EEEEEEEEEEKKK!!! 😍😭😍😭 userB any portuguese or brazilian kind enough to tell us what he means? 😩 userC It's an informal abbreviation of "amor" (love), he is calling her love ❤️

──────

─── Please don't forget to reblog and/or comment! ♡

[rotting-butterscotch]

so uh i just rewatched community for the 3rd, and possibly the last, time, and I'm gonna rant about it, especially because it's being taken off Netflix this month.

Community is literally the #1 best fucking show on this planet (with Brooklyn 99 and The Good Place being a 2 and 3), and no one can tell me otherwise. The writing is so fucking beautiful (except the writing of the romantic entanglements within the group, but im sure the fandom knows that already), and can be so funny yet heartbreaking at the same time.

Let's take "Geothermal Escapism" for an example (which to point out how amazing the writing is, has never failed to make me cry at the end of it). The symbolism of the hot lava game, the fact that Troy had to play into the whole "clone" thing just for Abed to be able to cope with him leaving (which proves yet again how much Troy and Abed do for eachother, and yes that *is* one of the reasons I ship trobed, but let's not get off-track more than we already have lol), the group saying all their good-byes at the end, and the way those good-byes characterize them so perfectly, it's literally a masterpiece of an episode.

And the fact that the viewers as a whole were supposed to just forget all of that the next episode baffles me, like make up your mind Dan Harmon, are you gonna make the best show of all time or ruin it by shoving jeffannie down our throats at the last episode???? (sorry, went off track)

Anyways, back to the writing: it's beautiful, but can be so dumb at the same time. Like, another example: "Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television", a.k.a. the finale, which not only kind of does a call-back to s1 Jeff and Abed (Abed being ready to let go and embrace the future, and Jeff being so against it), but omggg the symbolism towards the end, where Jeff has driven Abed and Annie to the airport, and he's hugging them good-bye, and Jeff goes in for a second hug, because yet again he's afraid of change, and you can tell Abed is confused, but he goes with it anyways, because he gets it (actually I'm making this point based off of a comment under a compilation of Jeff and Abed, but whatever).

Jeff and Abed in s6 is literally Abed and Jeff in s1, and not only then, but literally everywhere in the series, you can tell how alike they are, how their traumas and troubles are so alike, yet they dealt with it differently, one with acceptance and one with denial.

And another point about how the writing can be so dumb sometimes: how can you literally point to jeffannie being an illogical and impossible ship, and literally have both members of this ship finally realize how unhealthy it in the *same* episode as is that ship's kiss scene?!?! Like, how does that make sense.

Anyways, my conclusion to this rant is: there's no conclusion lol, I just wanted to barf out all of my thoughts on this show onto here (and these aren't even all my thoughts on this show lol), as incoherent as they are. I'll miss this show so bad😭😭.

[madomkasak]

We cope how we can - reckless thoughts verse is expanding and we'll get to see maxiel farm retirement more. Here's a bit. We don't even mention Maximillian the baby cow. (she's doing fine).

c. 600 words. Cute moment with Max and Grace, before Max arrives at the farm. He's still not quite done travelling. He's retired, though.

So. Daniel doesn’t watch the races. Tells Max it hurts too much still. Even if the VCARB car doesn’t want to race well without her driver. Max feels good about it. Daniel doesn't watch the races but knows when Max wins. His are the first messages Max opens now. Won’t receive anymore.  He has wondered if Grace sends Daniel some Max-shaped messages during races. If the Max-shaped hole that follows Daniel seeped into all of the Ricciardos. 

Max can't win this one. Can't give Grace love notes from Nike’s wings to deliver to Daniel. But he can give her himself to deliver. Hopes Daniel remembers his mythologies.

“Las Vegas treating you this bad, Max? You know he would be there if you asked.” Max swallows. Hasn't asked Daniel either. Just wants him to ask Max to stay. Max doesn’t want Daniel at the races, he wants to be with Daniel here. Home. Or something. “It isn't too different from Australia, there.”

It is. There is no Daniel. Everyone, not only Max, will feel the Daniel hole this weekend. It will suck. Max’s weekend won't. He smiles. 

“I'm not in Las Vegas, Grace.” he admits, when there’s a lull. When Grace doesn't ask what Max wants because she too knows to let Max speak first. Lets him fight phantoms around his lungs and voices and Max is better now, when it comes to Daniel. “I’m. I am in Perth. At the airport. I can't rent a car to Daniel's farm “

Because his team usually handles his aliases and bookings and Max hasn't told anyone he is going to Perth. Is in Perth. Grace is silent for a moment. Two. Max feels a flush on his neck. Is embarrassed and needy and wants her to approve.

“Oh, Max.” She sighs. He thinks the sound is lovely. Hopes Daniel says it like this too. Hums. Max hears the shuffle of keys, soft footsteps. “I think Daniel can wait a couple more hours to see you. He has been a bit antsy not to hear from you during your flight to Vegas.”

“I’m sure he looked at the Jet twitter account.” She says and Max looks downward, mouthes about his own Jet having a twitter account. Spares a second to think about George who promised to win all the monopoly games against Lando for Max.

Max thinks George knows. As part of the union. Or just because he loves Daniel too, tangentially different from Max. Otherwise Max will punch him next. No hard feelings. Just like how Lewis’ texts are unanswered - a bit of hard feelings there, truly.

“Sit tight, honey, ok? Traffic will be bad, but I'll be there in a couple of hours.”

Max has a joke about Grace making the fastest lap too. That she does it for Max as well, always. Counts to ten. Says it in rushed words that graze his teeth, feels sharp and tender against his flesh. Thank you, Daniel. Thank you, Grace. Smiles into his shoulder when she laughs. He will tell Daniel this, that he made his mother laugh on the phone.

That he made his mother pick him up at the airport. So Max could be here with him finally. It's evening already, Max feels a little bad that Grace offered immediately. Doesn’t let it linger because he will be with Daniel finally, when he left so many hours ago. Didn’t even take a shower in the plane because it is not his plane shower.

He thinks about many things. About Daniel, mostly. Because there is nothing to do at the arrival part of the building. Max’s phone teeters at 5%. He finds a shop to buy a charger with the correct plugs. Sees Daniel’s face in the newspapers anyway. It's been months now, but no one is free of the Daniel-shaped hole.

[warvariations]

Can I ask why you are soon to go through menopause?

And with respect of someone who doesn’t understand anything in the realm of trans/ hormonal dysphoria would you share a little bit of your struggle with it? I hope ultimately that you can be happy, full of rage or full of testosterone xx

Thank you for the good wishes, such a sweet way to put it!

I meant 'soon' as in my future, I'm not that close to menopause but I'm not that far from it either.

Most of my dysphoria has to do with how impaired my body/mind feel during 90% of my hormonal cycle, which is the part that aligns with testosterone decreasing. Basically I feel like I can only be fully functional for a very limited number of days a month, the rest of the time I'm fighting against what feels like having been injected with a drug against my will. I also know for sure that my (a)sexuality is deeply affected by being perceived as a woman / feeling dissociated from my own body, despite not really having any interest in sex beyond the way it facilitates romantic relationships due to the closeness it can foster, which I've always enjoyed. But it feels absurd to believe that I would be feeling better as a man, cause I actually don't know what it feels like to be a man – I cannot say I am a man personally, if anything I feel like a walking vagina bc I feel absolutely subjugated by the reproductive organs it represents, so the uncertainty of what's on 'the other side' makes it feel like a silly decision to make. Yet gender is very much at the core of one's subjectivity in the world we live in, and it's one of the few ways in which a poor person can shift others' perception of them, so it feels like a valuable option despite me not feeling that strongly about either genders (I do really identify with being non-binary but telling people I'm nb is not enough). Anyway the hormonal discomfort is starting to become really unmanageable, which is what's pushing me to consider testosterone again. I'm happy I waited (the first time I thought about it was in 2019) because now I know I've tried everything, and I don't even care about the physical changes I used to worry about anymore, like losing my hair or bottom growth (which used to freak me out cause I already hate my genitals as they are), I'm just SO TIRED of estrogen and progesterone fucking with me. I didn't get on T in 2019 because I was worried that I was just looking for a 'quick way out' of dealing with my trauma, and since then I've tried everything to heal or cope with my trauma and my dysphoria has only increased, and on top of that I'm exhausted and furious due to being forced to exist in what feels like a mutilated body, in the sense that I feel incapable of doing the things I want to do because of my dysphoria / what my hormones do to me every month. The other thing is that I used to feel like by 'giving up' on living as a woman I was giving up on believing that there is hope for a world where women can be happy, but at this point my survival feels more important than ideology. Also I do identify with having grown up as a woman on the internet and I wouldn't wanna go back and change that, same with being a girl child, which has kinda kept me from transitioning too. I was like if I relate to that it means I'm a woman, ain't I? But I'm not a girl child anymore, I'm an adult who is making the life of everybody around me hell cause I'm so dysphoric for 3/4 of every month I'm literally rolling on the floor growling and screaming at the top of my lungs (like actually).

But I want to have a baby and that to me is more important than my hormonal discomfort, I would never want to jeopardize my chance to get pregnant and carry a child, therefore I cannot go on testosterone now.

Hope that makes sense..... I've replied very quickly so I'll probably come back to edit it later

[quigzahhutt]

📓

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about

another sargebon adjacent one (I fear these will all be sargebon or sargebon adjacent. I'm not sorry. they r my brand) and also. somehow another threesome? authors polyness is becoming extremely evident

this one is an idea I've talked about a bit before actually and it's a Kyle (Kirkwood)/Logan/Alex threesome that's like, less about the threesome and more about just... how Alex and Kyle would get along and cope with (possible) jealousy there :) Logan is just kinda there for a good time

BASICALLY. Logan is back home and he's been back home a while; he's resettled into his skin and is generally back to normal, seeming comfortable and generally healthy again, and so him and Kyle start hooking up again

they've never been anything concrete; just kinda childhood friends who like having a good fuck every now and again, and especially bcuz Logan was sooo anxious and fucked up for the last few months he was in Williams, they're hooking up A LOT, because Logan has an awful lot of steam to blow off

now Kyle knew that Logan and Alex had messed around a bit. it kind of comes with the territory of being teammates; there's only one other person on the planet who understands your situation right now, and that other person also happens to be very hot and competent in bed, so things just kind of happen. Kyle isn't necessarily upset about this- because, again, him and Logan have never and will never be an official thing. they established that those feelings weren't here a while ago, so it's mostly a chill thing

but then one night, Logan accidentally moans Alex's name instead of Kyle's. thankfully, they were only making out by then, so it's less abrupt when Kyle pulls away, immediately questioning what Logan just said and why he just said it. it's not an aggressive thing, definitely not, Kyle is just more bewildered by the thought that like. well. that Logan would miss Alex, which is honestly kind of a silly thought in hindsight, because of course Logan would miss Alex; they were teammates for almost 2 years, and that's almost 2 years of seeing someone every day. of course Logan is gonna miss the guy. especially if Alex was good in bed– which Kyle assumes he is if Logan is moaning his name

it's obviously kind of an ordeal, one that Logan feels pretty embarrassed about, even when Kyle reassures him that he's not mad or upset at all. and then, you know, one thing happens and then another and then suddenly Kyle is texting Alex a few days later asking if he's interested in a threesom. when Alex responds with affirmation but also confusion, Kyle assures him that Logan consents and is currently lying in bed, basically naked and waiting for him

don't think about the logistics of how Alex gets there but anyways, Alex is here now, and it's like... it's a lot. Kyle is feeling a lot. because Alex is here and sitting in a chair off to the side, watching as Kyle fingers Logan's prostate into oblivion, and Logan is just looking at him the entire time, like Kyle isn't even there at all and it's kind of doing something for him. maybe negative maybe not, who knows

but what Kyle does now is that he should probably invite Alex into the bed and not just let him sit in the cuck chair all night because, you know, manners or whatever

and then once Alex is in bed, Kyle realizes that he is HEAVILY out of his depth, because Alex already knows how to handle Logan so well that it makes Kyle feel a little cross eyed. and also a little jealous. a lot jealous

because Alex was there throughout all of Logan's lowest moments in formula 1, and he saw sides of him that it took Kyle years to see, to earn, really. and it feels really bad because Alex is such a nice guy, and Logan and Kyle arent even dating so why does he feel so agitated all of the sudden

and this jealousy isn't one-sided, no way. Alex is also a little envious of Kyle, of the relationship he has with Logan, and the fact that, no matter what, Kyle is still the one who has been here longer, who has seen Logan's shadows and his highest peaks all in one lifetime, firsthand, as his best friend

and Alex is smart. he's all too aware of how Kyle is feeling, and so he starts including Kyle, asking questions and requesting guidance for things even though he already knows the answers. he wants Kyle to feel comfortable, to realize that Alex isn't a threat in all of this

and it really starts working too. Kyle isn't like... the most dominant tops ever, even he bottoms sometimes, but Alex is like.. the dommiest top, and so Kyle starts to feel a little weak in the knees, and after a relationship and a safety net is established between him and Alex, he starts to let himself be taken care of more, follows Alex's lead and, most of all, enjoys it

there's definitely a lot in this that I forgot to include, but this is the general idea and my fingers are really starting to hurt from typing for so long😭😭 I'm sad I'll probably never get around to writing this bcuz it really is SUCH a good idea and I really do love it to death, but I just don't really have the drive to flesh it out any more than i already have

[writingsforwhatever]

Part 2: Love letters to Matthew (m.s.)

Part 1

Please read the author's note in part 1!

Anyway, enjoy.

Her world seemed to halt as Matt's confession hung in the air. Shock rippled through her, rendering her momentarily speechless. It was a revelation she had never anticipated, and it left her grappling for words.

"Matt," she finally managed to utter, her voice quivering. "I... I don't know what to say."

Matt's gaze remained fixed on her. He wore an expression of vulnerability that was entirely new to her. The weight of his confession bore down on her shoulders, and she could feel her own emotions swelling within her. She had spent years wondering about his feelings, longing for some indication that he shared her sentiments. And now, in this unexpected moment, he had laid bare his heart.

Her voice quivering, with tears already forming in her eyes. "I never knew," she spoke softly, breaking the silence again. "I never knew you felt this way."

The unfairness of the situation overwhelmed her. How could he do this, especially when she had already found a home in another person's arms? It just didn't seem fair. Unfairness and dissatisfaction had always seemed to define her relationship with Matt. It had never been enough.

Seeing him in pain like this, knowing that she had felt the same way for so long, tore at her heart. All those years of hurt, of watching him leave and return, had led up to this very moment. Yet, inexplicably, it still felt like it wasn't enough for either of them.

Matt responded, his tone filled with frustration, "Forget it, it doesn't matter. I'll get over it. I just can't be near you right now; I can't even look at you. It hurts too much. Please, just go."

"Matt, don't do this. Please, just hear me out first." She tried to hold back her emotions, but the tears were already falling. However, he was already on his way to the living room, walking away from her.

He turned around once more, his expression marked by a deep frown. "What could you possibly say? You're going to Europe for two and a half months with Luke! Spare me your pity. I don't need it. Please, leave. Just leave me alone." Matt's words were filled with a mix of pain and exasperation, as he struggled to cope with the situation. Unable to bear the weight of the emotions any longer, she ran past him and out of the house, tears streaming down her face. Matt heard the front door slam shut, and he could hear Chris and Nick calling her name.

~

Europe was different from any place she'd ever been, olive groves stretched out before her, their silvery leaves shimmering in the sunlight. The gentle breeze carried the scent of blooming flowers, adding to the idyllic atmosphere yet her thoughts often wander off to the boy who was thousands of miles away from her.

Matthew is in love with her. This in fact didn't make things better as much as she thought it would. For years, she had secretly yearned to hear those three little words spill from his lips, believing that it would bring clarity, but it only added a layer of complexity to their relationship.

Matt’s confession had been long-awaited, but she couldn't help but think and feel that distance and time had definitely changed things; he lived on one coast, she was in college meeting new people on the other. No matter how hard she tried, he was drifting away. His love arrived too late. Matt needed to accept this, just as she had quietly done over the years.

She has Luke now. Luke, who loves and cares for her deeply. Their love is quiet and simple but it's sure. Unlike her relationship with Matt, which always felt intricately complicated, Luke's love was a beacon of simplicity and warmth.

The night Matt confessed his feelings, she cried under her covers while Luke, slept soundly beside her, oblivious to the emotional storm that had raged within her. It wasn't how she imagined their friendship would end, but it was inevitable.

Someone always gets hurt.

She knows this.

And it's both of them.

When Luke asked about the stains on her cheeks when she got home, she brushed him off, saying she was emotional about leaving her parents and friends for a few months. As they landed in New York, Luke remained unaware of her hidden sadness and when the plane took off for France, Luke held her hand firmly. Below them, the vibrant city lights of New York City shone brightly, yet her thoughts remained to the boy back in Boston.

She watched Luke's friends, Fiona and Andrew, their laughter echoing in the warm air. The warmth of the sun making everyone's cheeks pink, but her mind was still elsewhere. His words that day lingered like shadows in the sun's gentle glow, reminding her that their friendship could end for good.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, taking a seat beside her with a freshly made mango shake in hand.

She offered a small smile in response. "Yeah, just feeling a bit homesick. I can't wait to get back home."

Luke returned her smile. "I get it. Home is home, but I'll miss this place for sure. Italy is amazing."

"It really is," she said, her eyes drifting over the scenery in front of them.

Luke shifted the conversation. "Have you talked to your parents yet?"

She nodded. "Yeah, they're doing well. My dad mentioned that Haley has a crush on our neighbor, Josh," she shared, rolling her eyes playfully and letting out a chuckle.

Luke almost choked on his drink, chuckling too. "Oh boy, Josh better watch out."

She nodded, acknowledging that her little sister could be quite a handful at times, but she loved her, nonetheless.

Luke's curiosity turned to her friends. "What about your friends? Chris and his brothers? How are they?"

Her thoughts briefly wandered to a recent text from Alahna. "Alahna visited them in L.A. 2 days ago."

Luke, unaware of her feelings of not wanting to talk about them, continued the conversation. "Nice. How are they?"

"Who?" she asked, momentarily confused, her gaze shifting to the side.

"Chris, Nick, and Matt?" Luke clarified, his eyes lingering on her profile to gauge her reactions. "And Alahna?"

"They're doing great," she replied. "Alahna mentioned they're planning to take her to Beverly Hills before she heads back to Boston."

Luke nodded in understanding. Sensing her desire to change the subject. "You want to swim later?"

Her eyes lit up with excitement as she replied, "Absolutely! Let's do it." Grateful for the subject change she pushed the Matt thoughts in the back of her head.

~

"You suck at cooking eggs, Alahna." Chris teased, a playful tone in his voice. It was the first week of September 2023, and the late morning sunlight of Los Angeles shone through the kitchen, making the room bright and warm.

"It's not my fault that you scared me. I thought you'd be up later." Alahna defended, grinning.

"I couldn't sleep anymore; you woke me up with all your ruckus here." Chris said lightheartedly. "I'm surprised you didn't wake up Matt over there."

Alahna set up the plates for her and Chris, the newly cooked eggs now a little bit saggy and one slightly burnt. "You know he was up all night?" she whispered, a hint of concern in her voice.

"He was?" Chris asked, sitting down.

"Yeah, I came downstairs to grab a glass of water, and apparently, he saw Luke's post on Snapchat."

"How did you know?"

"He was sitting here. I could see his phone. I recognized that picture because I saw it too just minutes before."

"The... him and?" Chris trailed off, understanding dawning on him. It was a photo of Luke and her kissing at the pool. A sweet, innocent kiss, but it was enough to shatter Matt's heart into pieces.

Alahna sat down and looked Chris in the eyes. "Chris, I forgot to tell you, but remember the time Matt had a girlfriend?"

Chris's eyes locked onto Alahna's, urging her to continue. He remembered those days with the girl from Florida.

"Well, about a month after, I think? I forgot exactly when. It was a long time ago. But Chloe and I met with her, and she admitted that she has been in love with Matt for years. We told her we already knew—" Alahna chuckled, and Chris nodded in agreement.

"What?" Matt's voice echoed from the wall beside his bedroom doorway, leaving Chris and Alahna exchanging shocked expressions.

Matt's voice hung in the air. "Matt," Chris began cautiously, stepping closer to him, "we didn't mean for you to hear that. It's just that Alahna and I were talking, and..."

Matt interrupted, his voice tinged with a mixture of disbelief and pain, "She said that?"

Alahna nodded solemnly, her concern deepening. "Yes, Matt."

Matt's expression tightened, his fists clenching at his sides. "How long have you known, Chris?"

Chris sighed sadly, choosing his words carefully. "She didn't admit it to me, but I've always known, you know? Bro, anyone could see it in her face. She's always been about you. For years."

Matt turned away; frustration evident as he ran his hand through his messy hair while he processed what he had just heard. "I can't believe this… I was so blind, and now it's too late," he muttered.

Alahna stood up and walked over to Matt, her voice gentle. "Matt, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way. It wasn't our place to tell you because we know how much it would mean coming from her. She loves you a lot. I hope you know that."

Matt stayed quiet for a moment, lost in thought. It all started to make sense now—the times she turned away or seemed distant when he had a girlfriend back in 9th grade, the fake smiles she wore when he talked about his high school crushes. He felt incredibly stupid, realizing that Nick had been right all along. He was beginning to think he was the most oblivious person on the planet, especially remembering how she had gotten sad when he didn't mention having a girlfriend from Florida. He had misinterpreted her feelings as mere sensitivity.

She had been in love with him for years, and he had been too oblivious to see it. And now, she's with someone else.

"What are you gonna do?" Chris asked, his eyes filled with sympathy as he observed his brother processing the revelation.

Matt sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping. "I don't know, Chris," he admitted, uncertainty clouding his thoughts.

"He's not going to do anything, Chris," Nick chimed in, his voice carrying the grogginess of just waking up. His tousled hair and half-asleep appearance drew everyone's attention.

"Nick," Alahna cautioned, her tone barely above a whisper.

Nick shrugged, unfiltered as ever. "What? Matt had his chance, and he missed it. She's happy now. Why would he want to ruin that for her?" he bluntly stated, embodying the frank and opinionated brother he had always been.

Chris, torn between his desire to see them together and the undeniable truth in Nick's words, couldn't help but nod in agreement. Matt had indeed let his opportunity slip away long ago, and now he had to face the consequences of it.

Matt sat down and lowered his head, absorbing his brother's words like a heavy truth he couldn't deny. The weight of missed chances and regret hung in the air.

Alahna exchanged a meaningful glance with Nick, understanding his perspective, even if it stung.

As the morning light crept into the room, the silence continued.

Nick sighed deeply, closing his eyes as to calm himself. This time he spoke with gentleness in his tone, "Look, Matt. I'm not trying to be negative or anything... But I've seen her get hurt over and over again by you. I just- She's with Luke. It would be unfair."

Nick’s straightforwardness, as abrasive as it might have sounded, held an undeniable truth. He was the voice of reason in the room. His message was clear: it would not be fair to all of them.

Matt grumbled, his hands pressing against his forehead in frustration. "I had no idea she loved me, Nick," he admitted with frustration.

Nick looked at him with a sad expression. "We know, and funnily, even your ex could see it," he said softly.

Matt let out a deep sigh remembering the fight he and his ex-girlfriend had when he admitted that he kissed his best friend. "If she's happy, then I'm happy. It's okay. I'll be okay." He stood up, trying to put on a brave face.

The three of them shared knowing looks, aware of the emotions in the room. Chris decided to bring up a painful topic. "Matt, you also need to apologize for what happened back home when you told her to leave."

Matt's cheerful demeanor faltered briefly. "I'll apologize when she gets back from Europe," he replied, not wanting to dwell on the day she had left his house, when he had wanted to chase after her but didn't. He had spent nights crying and regretting what he did, ignoring Chris and Nick's knocks on his door.

As Matt walked toward his room, he added, "I'm going to be okay. Trust me."

Understanding that Matt was only lying to himself, they let it go.

‘Be there in 10 😊 see ya’

She looked at Matt’s text for a few seconds before sighing, a heavy sadness enveloping her. It's the first day of Senior year the final chapter of high school, and here she was, trying to mend her broken heart.

"Are you okay, honey?" Her mother's green eyes full of concern. Beside her mom is Haley's school clothes all folded neatly ready to be worn.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Just not feeling like going to school, that's all," she replied, her gaze fixed on her worn-out Converse.

"Why? Talk to me about it," her mother urged, taking a seat beside her. "Is it about your subjects? Your teachers?"

She sighed again, glancing at the time on her phone. "It's Matt."

Her mother furrowed her eyebrows, clearly lost and confused. "Matt? Did you guys have a fight?"

Since when had Matthew upset her daughter?

"No, Mom. We didn't fight," she replied, impatient. She kept looking out the window, feeling nervous.

"Then why..."

"It's just..." She paused, aware of the curious looks her mom is giving her. "He has a girlfriend, Emily, and she's been with us all summer. He said it's not serious, but I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling like this." Her shoulders slumped at the little confession, but her mother knew.

Matt was a constant presence in her daughter's life, just as much as his own brothers. They grew up together, celebrated Christmases, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Halloween — every occasion imaginable.

Her mother, Elizabeth always had a hunch, but she believed they were probably too young to comprehend or understand.

As for Matt, he was bound to break a few hearts, even though Elizabeth hoped her daughter wouldn't be one of them, yet she understood that it was inevitable. Her daughter and the blue-eyed boy were as thick as thieves. They were inseparable. And so now that she has confessed without really saying it, she knew.

And she just hopes the fall wouldn't be too high and prays that she'll find the strength to weather the heartbreak that comes with it.

"Why? What are you feeling?" She asked gently, hoping but not pushing her to open up.

"I don't know. I'm confused and I'm hurt. I'm hurt that he has a girlfriend," she said with a sad smile.

Bingo.

"Oh, honey." Elizabeth enveloped her into a hug, soothingly rubbing her back. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Months."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Of course not," she replied, standing up and shaking her head. "I'd never. He's going to want to not be friends with me, Mom. I know Matt."

"If it's bothering you so much, just try. I'm sure he'll understand, sweetheart." Her mom stood up too, trying to catch her eyes. "This is Matt we're talking about, aren't we? He cares about you. He'll unders-"

"No, no way!" She argued, already walking towards the front door. "Just forget I said this, mom. I'll get over it."

Elizabeth could only watch her daughter walk away before she could say goodbye, anxiously waiting for the familiar car that had been arriving at their house like clockwork ever since Matt had learned to drive.

Chris runs down the stairs at 7 am in the morning. "Matt, let's go we're gonna be late."

Nick was already in the car, grumbling. "What took you so long? And who are you texting?"

Matt rolled his eyes, inserting the key into the ignition and starting the car. "Can you shut your mouth Nick? It's too early for you to be talking this loud."

It was clear that Matt's feeling anxious by going back to school again. People just never made sense to him, especially people from high school. He hated it. Hated them.

As they made a stop to pick up Alahna and Emily, the road is still slightly damp from last night's rain. Gradually, a sense of realization began to dawn upon Matt - It was their finaly year in high school, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for it.

Meanwhile, she watched as Matt's car approached her driveway. She couldn't deny the sinking feeling in her chest as she saw Emily sitting in the back with Alahna. Of course, she's here. As the car pulled up, she took a deep breath and mirrored Nick's cheerful laughing smile and mood.

"Hey youuuu." Nick teased as she climbed to sit beside him. "Missed you."

"You literally just saw me last week, Nick." She chuckled, glancing at Matt from the corner of her eyes, not fully acknowledging him. "Hi Chris."

"Hi bestie, long time no see." Chris turned his whole body to look and flash a playful smile at her.

"Shut up."

She exchanged waves with Emily and Alahna. From the driver's seat, Matt felt a sense of confusion wash over him. He couldn't help but wonder why she didn't even greet him.

In November 2023, she saw Matthew again.

When Chris mentioned that they were coming home back in October, she remained resolute in her decision to remain confined within her school dorm. She didn't want to meet them and see Matt. Just the thought of last June, when he confessed his love right before she left for Europe with Luke, still haunted her.

She sometimes wonders if he did it because he was being mean, or he just doesn't want to see her happy. Cause why now? Why now that she has already found someone that truly loves her?

He was unfair, she thought. The bad timing of his love just broke her heart over again.

The kiss last year, Matt's girlfriend and now this - It was all cruel and she couldn't endure it any longer, especially when she has spent her entire life loving him. She deserved to be happy.

And so, she ignored their texts. She knew she was being a bad friend by not replying. Matt made several attempts to reach out, offering apologies in the weeks following her return from Italy, but she ignored them still. They stopped eventually and she couldn't deny, it made her a little sad.

Her plan to distance herself from Matt and anyone connected to him was successful until Thanksgiving in November arrived.

In all her mother's holiday spirit, Elizabeth had extended yet another invitation to the boys' family for the upcoming occasion after seeing Marylou at the grocery store two weeks ago. This had been their tradition for years as family friends and Elizabeth was completely oblivious to the inner turmoil her daughter had been wrestling within for months.

However, everything changed when she heard Nick's familiar laughter emanating from downstairs, causing her to freeze in her tracks, despite being already halfway down the staircase. She stood there, frozen, her eyes locked with the boy she had painstakingly avoided for the past few months. Matt held her gaze and for a moment, it was like they're the only people in the room. 

One thing stood out - Matt looked different and she couldn't help but notice it. He was clad in a blue flannel shirt and jeans, a combination that remarkably complemented his features. It seemed almost impossible, but the outfit made his blue eyes even bluer. On that chilly Thanksgiving night in Boston, Matthew Sturniolo appeared almost angelic, emitting an air of maturity that was a far cry from the Matt she remembered from their high school days. The years had been kind to him, and her heart ached with the realization of just how much she had missed him even though it had only been a few months. She realized that, deep down, she still cared about him, and it will never change. Matt will always have place in her heart that he owns.

Walking down the stairs, she couldn't help but feel like a girl going to prom, with her date waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Only, in this case, her date was a handsome, blue-eyed boy wearing a pair of New Balance sneakers.

The room’s silence was broken only by the soft murmur of the exchanged how are yous and the pounding of her heart. Chris, ever the mediator, exchanged a quick glance with Nick, and then he cleared his throat, attempting to ease the tension in the room.

She took a deep breath and smiled when he was inches away from her, she couldn’t help but think that this Thanksgiving might be different from all the others, and it had nothing to do with the Roast Chicken with Maple Butter on the table and Chris’s smirk.

As everyone in the room felt the awkwardness, they all retreated to the cozy living room, leaving her and Matt alone. Nick and Chris gave her comforting hugs before following their own parents, Nick shot her a look that said, "We'll discuss this later," while Chris wore a sly grin that she couldn't resist rolling her eyes at. Oh, how she missed them terribly.

Finally, Matt broke the silence, keeping a safe distance from her. "Hi," he said, his voice carrying a mixture of longing and regret, "It's been too long."

Her throat felt dry, but she managed a small smile in return. "Yeah, it has," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "You look... good."

She couldn’t believe that after all this time, Matt still had that effect on her.

Matt chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving her face. "I could say the same about you," he said, his gaze softening. "Different but still the same you I knew."

The silence after Matt spoke hung in the air, both of them seemingly lost. The other room beside them remained hushed, everyone subtly listening to their conversation.

Before she could respond, Matt cleared his throat, mentally scolding himself for making her uncomfortable with his feelings. "How was Europe?"

"Europe was incredible," she replied, briefly breaking eye contact with him. "It was beautiful."

"I'm sure it was," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

The way he said it, so softly, made her glance up at him again only to find him looking at her still. Matt smiled, a hint of resignation in his expression as he nodded and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. It was now his turn to break eye contact. "I'm sure it was," he repeated, the realization dawning on her.

Europe. Matt. Their plan. She cringed.

Just as she was about to say something again, Chris interrupted, his voice carrying a teasing tone, “Hey, you two, hate to break up the reunion, but dinner’s ready.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, her cheeks turning a shade of pink. “Alright, Chris, we’re coming,” she replied, grateful for the interruption.

Matt shot his brother a knowing look and smiled.

After the lively dinner, with Matt and Chris by her side, making jokes about missing each other, and her dad sharing a funny memory, the tension faded away quickly and like always, the usual routine after such gatherings – they all gathered in the living room to play different board games. She glanced around, seeing Nick and Justin on the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Chris was engrossed in conversation with both her dad and his, laughter filled the room.

However, even amid the happy ambiance, a sad thought worked its way to her mind – how much longer would these gatherings remain a constant in their lives? They were like a lifeline to her memories of childhood. She could come to terms with not ending up with Matt but the notion that this might never happen again bothered her.

Nick's voice abruptly pulled her from her thoughts. "Matt wants to talk to you," he whispered.

"Huh? Where is he?" She scanned the room, her confusion growing.

Nick couldn't help but chuckle at her bewildered state as he patted her shoulder. "You're zoning out, girl."

"I'm sorry. Where is he, Nick?"

"He's in the car, waiting for you," Nick pointed at the front door.

"What? Why? Is he crazy? It's freezing out!" She hurriedly searched for her coat from the other room, ready to rush out, but Nick stopped her before she could leave. "Just talk to Matt, okay? Sort things out. Be patient with him. You mean a lot to him, and I know you still care. If I'm really wrong and you're not into him anymore, please, just let him down gently."

Speechless, her throat went dry. In the background, she could hear their families talking, soft chatters filling the room with warmth. She met Nick's eyes once more, nodding in understanding. "I love him, Nick."

This time, it was her response that made Nick hug her. "I know."

He eventually released her, "Just be honest with Matt, he can take it."

"And be honest with yourself." Nick added, his gaze gentle but knowing.

It was clear that Nick could see thru her facade. She had never stopped loving Matt, and she couldn't even imagine the day she won't. With a final glance to her friend she had known her whole life, she stepped outside, finding Matt in his phone as he sat inside the car.

"Matthew Bernard Sturniolo, I swear to God, I'm going to kill you," she exclaimed, her voice echoing through the house. Her furious footsteps reverberated as she chased Matt around, her sock-clad feet making a soft padding sound against the wooden floor. She could already sense Nick's growing frustration and annoyance about what could be causing this commotion on a quiet afternoon.

As she watched Matt's mop of brown hair rushing down the stairs, she couldn't help but burst into laughter at how silly he looked. She knew she couldn't compete with Matt's long strides.

"Matt, I'm dead serious," she called out, following him to the kitchen and towards his brother's room. However, it was too late; he was already halfway to Nick's, his laughter filling the room as he locked the door behind him.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nick stood up, clearly taken aback by the noise. He walked towards his door to unlock it, allowing her to come in.

It had been a warm Saturday afternoon when Matt had invited her to hang out at his house. The day had started off peacefully, with the two of them lying on his bed but then Matt had snatched her phone from her hand after noticing she had been on Snapchat for 10 minutes, giggling.

"Seriously, Matt, this isn't funny. Give me my phone!" Her voice pleading.

Matt chuckled, raising his hand to signal "wait" when Nick made an attempt to snatch the phone from his grasp. His eyes darted over the Snapchat conversation at lightning speed, a glint of mischief in his eyes when he glanced back at her.

"Come on, Matt, give her the phone back," Nick groaned, evidently tired. "What are you even looking at?"

"She has a crush on that football guy, Daniel," Matt chuckled again.

"The senior?" Nick asked, an amused and surprised expression forming as he turned to look at her.

She protested, "No, I don't!" Taking a step closer to Matt, she added, "Give it back, Matt!"

"Just a sec," he hushed her once more, retreating against the wall, eyes fixed on her phone screen. He finally looked back at her, his smile fading. "He asked you out to Homecoming?"

Nick smirked at her. "He did? Oh my goodness."

She sighed, embarrassment washing over her. "Well, I'm not even sure if I'm going."

"Why not? Daniel Thompson is hot." Nick replied.

She blushed, her face turning hot. Once again, Matt shifted his attention from the phone to her, locking eyes with her. He held her gaze and with a shrug, tossed her phone onto Nick's bed. "He's a jerk."

With a groan, she reached for her phone. "Ugh. I hate you so much."

She walked out of the room, leaving the two of them behind.

Matt swiftly followed her to the living room and back upstairs to his room, where they had been hanging out just five minutes earlier. "You never told me you'd been talking to him."

Rolling her eyes, she started going up the stairs. Her back to him. "I don't have to tell you everything, you know."

"So what? Are you guys a thing now?" Matt asked, his brows furrowed. A subtle hint of jealousy in his expression.

She continued walking towards his room, yearning for the comfort of his bed. Ready to be swallowed whole by his comforters. "No, we're not."

With a frown, she turned to face him. "God, you're so annoying, Matt. Why do you care? And he's not a jerk, for your information. You don't even know him."

Upon arriving in Matt's room, he closed the door and watched her climb back into his bed, grabbing her phone. With a dismissive roll of his eyes, he joined her on the bed. "Yes, he is. Oh my God. Did you not hear what he did to Stacy Martin last year?"

"They'd broken up when he did that."

"Whatever, I'm just saying he's not a good guy," he frowned, his eyes fixed on her face.

"What's your issue with Daniel? Can't I have a date? He's the only one who asked me out, you know," she stated matter-of-factly, sounding a bit sad. Matt could see her turn away from him, wounded by her own confession.

"Are you kidding me? I'm sure someone else would. Just not Daniel fucking Thompson, jesus," Matt muttered. He knew he was being unreasonably harsh, but he couldn't fathom why she chose Daniel Thompson as her date. Of all people!

"Enough, Matt. You don't know anything."

"I don't know anything? You don't even know he threw his chips at me in 3rd grade!"

"Oh my God. So this is about what happened in 3rd grade? You guys were 8 years old! Holy crap," she stood up, leaving. "I'm going to Nick's room. You're so annoying."

Matt was left momentarily speechless as he watched her walked out of the room. "I'm just trying to look out for you," he called after her.

Turning around to face him, arms crossed. "You don't have to. I can handle it myself."

"You're my best friend, I just care about you." Matt whispered.

Feeling her heart break at his words, she replied, "If I'm your best friend, then why did you ask Nicole out?"

Matt groaned, pinching his forehead in frustration. "It's not the same. Nicole is different."

A heavy silence enveloped them. She regretted opening this can of worms. Matt had no idea how deeply it had hurt her when she found out that he asked this girl out for homecoming. He could ask anyone, doesn’t matter if it’s not her, just not Nicole, but he still did.

"She hates me, Matt," she shot back, a mixture of anger and frustration on her face.

"No, she doesn't!" Matt whispered loudly, his eyes pleading as he defended.

"Fuck you. I'm leaving."

Matt watched her rush down the stairs, slamming his front door. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. Chris came out of his own room, hearing everything.

"Is your girlfriend mad at you again?" he teased.

"Shut up, Chris."

"I told you, Matt. She likes you."

"Shut the fuck up, Chris!”

Meanwhile, Nick watched the exchange from the sidelines, a knowing smile playing on his lips. As the door closed behind Matt, he couldn't help but think that perhaps there was more to their friendship than meets the eye. But he decided to keep that to himself for now and let them figure it out on their own.

As she walked down her steps, thoughts of Luke consumed her. Luke, who was now her ex-boyfriend, remained blissfully oblivious of the ongoing chaos, primarily centered around her and Matt.

When she was about to open the passenger door, she found Matt already extending his arms to open it for her.

"Hey."

"Hi," she replied offering a small smile as she settled into her seat. She watched Matt attentively as he took a moment to collect himself, fully aware that this night could either make or break her. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah," Matt whispered, nodding. His fingers restlessly fidgeting.

She nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"I wanted to apologize for last time. What I did was uncalled for. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I'm truly, deeply sorry."

"Matt—"

"Let me finish because if I don't say this now, I'll never get the chance to say it again," he cut her off, lowering his gaze to his knuckles. Slowly, he turned to face her entirely, and she couldn't help but notice the scent of his shampoo and the faint flush on his cheeks and lips from the cold.

"I'm sure you already know where I'm going with this, right?" He asked, his eyes locking onto hers through his lashes. She didn't know if it was the way he's looking at her or the nervous fidgeting of his fingers, but she swore her heart never beat this fast.

"Listen, it all came crashing down on me. All those years of stalling, all this denial. It's like my eyes were closed and when I opened it, you're all I could see. God, this is so weird, but I love you, okay?" Matt rambled and took a deep breath. "You're my best friend and I'm in love with you. How crazy is that? I thought that only happens in movies."

"Matt—"

"And I hate myself for it. I swear I'm not saying this because I'm expecting you to feel the same way. I'll get over this, alright? Just give me time."

"Matt—"

"...because I can't lose you. You mean so much to me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself—"

She replied with an eye roll, her fingers clutching the collar of his flannel shirt. At that very moment, it was as though the entire world had faded away,

The kiss was a culmination of all the pent-up longing they had held onto. For Matt, this moment had been a year in the making since that unforgettable night in L.A. The soft pressure of their lips meeting perfectly is making her go crazy. He was initially taken aback, but his hands instinctively found their place on her neck. His fingers caressing her cheeks, making her stomach tingly from the warm she's feeling all over her body. She had to break the kiss off to breathe, but Matt pulled her back. "The second time's even better," he whispered to himself causing her to blush.

Matthew Sturniolo, in his awkward nature, didn't know why he was so natural at kissing her and how easy it felt. The kiss was tender and heated, leaving them both breathless. She rested her right hand on his shoulder, feeling the soft fabric of his shirt.

And then, as if Matt couldn't make her melt any further, he spoke in the softest, most loving voice she had ever heard from him. "Come closer.”

Matt traced her bottom lip, eyes never leaving her parted lips. “You have no idea how much I love you. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I regret kissing you last year because I don’t.”

He kissed her once more, this time with a slow, gentle tenderness that made her feel like she might dissolve into a puddle from the softness of it. “I could never.”

“You’re driving me crazy, Matthew,” she murmured foolishly, her mouth still entwined with his.

With a gentle chuckle, he broke off their kiss and locked his gaze onto her, making her feel a bit shy. "So does this mean you feel the same..."

"Oh my god, Matt." She shook her head, smiling. "I've been waiting for you to say these things since high school."

"Wait, what?"

“You really think I’m not head over heels in love with your dumb fucking ass?” She playfully rolled her eyes, enjoying his reactions.

“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?”

"Matt, first of all, you're incredibly dense and second, even your grandma knows it."

He sighed, remembering the times he had talked with his brothers, even his mom. "Even grammie?!"

She groaned, covering her face. "Maaatttt," she muttered.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Matt smiled softly, his cheeks matching the blush that was forming on her face. He reached for her hands, intertwining his fingers with her. "For everything. I was so blind..."

Before he could continue, she interrupted him with another kiss, and just as it was about to deepen, she pulled away, whispering and giggling, "Took you long enough."

Matt was the first one through the door, leading the way with her hand tightly held in his. A heartwarming scene unfolded before them as their entire family stood there, all sharing knowing smiles, and watching in hushed anticipation. It was Matt's father who couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Finally!" which was met with a chorus of cheers and clapping.

Chris approached them first with open arms, enveloping Matt in a bear hug and then her, a big grin on his face as he playfully teased, "Fucking finally."

"It's about time!" Her dad chimed in with a whistle. "Woohoo! I knew it!"

Her cheeks turned a shade of pink, and she buried her face in Matt's arms, muttering. "Oh my god, dad."

"aww" and "finally" echoed around them making the atmosphere more joyful than ever.

As Matt held her close, she couldn't help but think about the letters she'd show him later.

On that cold November night in 2023, Matthew Sturniolo officially became hers.

[ophernelia]

hey! random question and honestly if it's too personal feel free to ignore me, but I was wondering how do you get pass some bad depression and anxiety? this is such a chaotic ask dude im sorry im having a shitty day tryna calm myself down before I go into a full anxiety attack it's a shot in the dark like how do you even answer that question especially when you're actively trying to get thru it and live yourself? dumb question girl im depeserate and this is cringey as hell,thank you if you do take the time to answer it. it'll help me more than you know

It's not dumb at all! I don't mind answering! I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I've been there a few times over the last month, so I understand completely. Recent world and personal events aside- it's that time of year when depression and anxiety kick up again. It's been a doozy this time. As someone in the medical field I will say GET SOME SUNLIGHT! Get some good rest. Eat foods that make you feel good. Try to do whatever light activity you can. Unfortunately they were not lying when they said that stuff helps. I thought it was a gimmick. (Also, this will look different for everyone so don't feel bad about sticking to a certain thing. I have disabled loved ones, so walking around isn't something they can really do. Instead I try to get them to do what they can. Lift their feet, rotate their wrists, open up the windows to let in some fresh air. Whatever you can do, try it. And whatever you can't do, to hell with it anyway.)

I use the same coping skills year round. Though they may pick up in frequency around this time or I'll add in something new. I typically manage my depression and anxiety the same way. Most times they go hand in hand for me. I'm big on nervous system regulation. For me that looks like going for a walk, tapping/patting my body, deep breathing exercises, or just getting some good rest. If all else fails- one thing Ima do is take a nap. For me lately, the bodily sensations are what bother me the most, so I do that to combat it. I try to calm myself down physically first. There's a game I like to play on my phone called "Kinder World". They have you do exercises like deep breathing and emotion naming to be able to grow and water plants. It's a fun and calming distraction. I need to look into it more, but I feel like they had mental health professionals work on or contribute to the app. It's in line with a lot of things I learned while getting my degrees.

I'm also very big on self talk, self compassion, etc. Especially when I'm having a depressive episode. I've gotten good at understanding my feelings are just feelings. I can respect them, they're valid, but that's about it. They aren't destiny markers, they aren't indicators that I'll always feel bad. I like to think about times where I thought I was dealing with something I could never get through. Something I could never get over. I got over all of that and then some. My future views were just skewed at the time. I try to remember that I feel rough now, but I won't always feel this bad. It helps me to not slip deeper into it. I also try to care for myself as if I was caring for someone I love. "How do I help Brook?" She needs to eat, so I'll get her something she'll enjoy. She needs to bathe, so I'll drag myself into the shower and get it done with. Even if I feel like I need a hug, I will hug myself. The only person who can understand how I feel right now is myself. I try to be nice to her. I try to give her grace. I will still hold myself accountable for missteps, but I try to do it all with love and compassion. That's not to say I am a "love and light" girl. I'm rough with my words. I will argue with people if I feel like it. I curse like a mf sailor, irl. In front of my momma and everything. (Uh huh, al the black folks is clutching their pearls right now. I do it and don't feel a way about it LMAO) But it makes no sense in being rough with yourself if you know it won't help improve your well-being.

I've been working on myself for years though. I've had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It's something that has grown with me, if that makes sense. That monster is always there, but I've gotten to the point where it's like "well, bitch you're here so let's figure out how to make this work." It's tough. Managing it is tough, sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. The way I handle this is to just push through. I try to improve my situation where I can and where I can't? It is what it is. I've got a lot of faith in myself and the belief that I will always live well. I take my moments of happiness and I take my gratitude and make em' stretch.

[whumping-valentine]

Hey, whumplr

Yeah, you. Do you need a quick and easy way to temporarily immobilize your whumpees, that doesn't cause serious injury, but is also painful? Then look no further than the wonderful thing that my brother accidentally did to me a few years ago! Which is hit a GOLFBALL DIRECTLY ONTO MY KNEE.

So there I am, minding my own business at my grandma's house next door, on my phone, sitting on a swing while my brother hits a golfball around in the yard. When out of fucking NOWHERE pain just SHOOTS through my leg because this IMBECILE decided to hit the ball TOWARDS THE PORCH.

DIRECTLY ONTO MY RIGHT KNEE.

It hurt SO BAD. I literally fell to the floor clutching my knee, being all dramatic and woe-is-me because it's how I cope with pain. Meanwhile my brother was just impressed he managed to hit a target that small. I thought it was just gonna be temporary. Just ride it out and I'll be fine. And it was. AT FIRST.

I went home laughing with my brother like, "hey mom, guess what happened" but soon after a few hours the pain came back and it didn't leave. I couldn't even move my leg without it hurting. I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance, yet this had me fighting for my life, man. I never take pain meds unless I feel like I'm dying and I had those bitches on speed dial. It was a journey just to hobble across the hall to go to the bathroom. I was duel wielding canes like a soldier in battle. A few days later before deciding I needed to go to the doctors I was crying in pain and my brother felt so bad he started crying, too.

I had to go and get the most painful X-rays ever to make sure my knee was fucking okay. I was FORCED to stretch it out straight and I was fucking crying on the table like a baby and it was embarrassing. To make it even worse I have mild cerebral palsy that mostly affects my right side, and an exercise I'm supposed to do is stretch out my legs; WHICH HURTS ENOUGH AS IT IS. BECAUSE IT ISN'T SOMETHING I REALLY EVEN CAN DO. I had my leg in like a permanent bent position, man, it hurt so bad to force it out straight. I was shaking and the lady was all "I can't do the X-ray unless your leg is straight" and I was all like "I CAN'T DO IT *CRYING*"

Turns out it was mostly swelling, and I had to take antibiotics to get it to go down, which took like a fucken week.

And actually, a month later, I went out into the city with my family to see a concert. I love the city because I live in a rural place and don't get to see stuff like that too often. I was excited to walk around when all of a sudden my ENTIRE LEG decided it wanted to be a demon. It felt like the joint contecting my leg to my pelvis had a knife sticking through it, and it went all the way down my thigh to my knee. I KNEW it was from the golfball. I was so upset. Though still I persisted on. I walked through that damn city with a limp in my step, getting pizza and cheesecake BY WALKING what a miracle. Unheard of in my rural brain. Amazing.

But damn, man, if you want your whumpees to be crying in pain and unable to move without it hurting like a bitch, just take a golf club and wack them in the knees. Not a serious injury, but it HURTS. Hell, go ahead and take out their elbows too, while you're at it.

Anyways! Yeah. There's your inspo. Golf club to the knees. 10/10.

[justsomerandomplanet]

[ jjk 261 spoilers ]

just rambling thoughts about the chapter now that ive Actually read it (thank u tcb and also i wish ppl who post about leaks without tags a very can you Stop and tag thanks)

tldr; i dont hate the chapter, its an interesting one! feel free to discuss with me if u would like

I don't actually hate the chapter conceptually

Ideologically, Uraume has brought up the topic of being human and the fact to be strong/to defeat sukuna you must disregard that obsession of loneliness/humanity. I also think at the end of the day, it speaks a lot about how jujutsu society functions (in that it uses people regardless of respecting them as people, i.e. the star plasma vessels, children as sorcerers facing death constantly, etcetc).

Nevertheless, I do wonder why Yuta had to do it. At the end of the day I still believe Yuji will be the one to defeat Sukuna, you cannot tell me all that build up to him is for Nothing, but what point is there in bringing Yuta in that case? If he just does more damage and then dies (lol), like. What is there to it. Like in the perspective of the characters i get it, they don't know if they'll win or lose and they're gonna have to use every option they have, but simply on a readers perspective, it feels a bit redundant. I just feel there should be a way to incorporate this idea without it feeling like we'll get gojo v sukuna 2.0. Idk i just want yuji to beat sukuna like that first page was so cool :(!!!!

Anyway, the idea of bringing back Gojo similar to how "Toji" was revived in shibuya is also unbelievable bc Gojo himself is shown to still want to protect the kids. His ideology derives from making sure They Are Alive And Changing The System. Yes, I get it he is battle obsessed too (see the shinjuku battle) but it doesn't change he went out of his way to tell them not to look/follow him for what he's about to do with the higher ups. Theory wise, gojo being brought back like this is dull (but plausible i suppose) (also thinking about it would that Really be gojo? We saw that toji still didnt come back normal, and wasnt it stated that the toji that did come back was more of just the memories of the body rather than the person himself? Idk. Anyway)

Additionally, Yuta, altho caring for Gojo, is still falling back to the mentality that made Gojo alone (the "Strongest" vs Gojo Satoru). Yuta himself wanting to sacrifice his humanity so everything Gojo did wouldn't be moot while still using his body, which inherently disrespects him as a person, is a hyprocritical and flawed way of thinking that makes him interesting for me now lmao. He cares for him a lot, but he has to resort to it as a means to an end. Also I don't care if he dies, in fact the idea of him living while still in gojo is just weird tbh so i really dont see a way put of that? Im kinda just interested to see what happens tbh

I'll be real; I can see both points in how ppl think this is a cool chapter vs ppl thinking it sucks. It is surprising how very Neutral I am on this bc I personally feel like the explanations given made sense to me in the chapter.

I don't think this took away from Yuta's character, nor did it take away from what we've seen before; Yuta is not Yuuji. Yuta has shown that he can kill people. He only sparred Uro and Ryu bc of the rule to be able to transfer points. He admits that he "cheated" in the past month. Yuta is very aware of what decisions are wrong but still does them bc its for the best outcome, even if it means losing his own humanity. Yuta wants the best for Gojo but still looks at it in a flawed way. Yuta is unknowingly falling into Sukuna's/Uraume's ideology.

Yuuji is the only one so far in the series that continues to be filled with regret from killing and still wants to do better. He is forced to dissociate his self-identity to cope with his actions. He has said he would eat anything to defeat Sukuna, effectively throwing his humanity, but does not do so at the expense of other ppl (see Yuji's conversation with Higuruma before shinjuku). Yuji looked past Gojo's infinity so he could give encouragement, even tho everyone else was afraid. Yuji is the antithesis to Sukuna's view of the world

Yuta is not Yuji, and I think that's the point.

I don't think one is better than the other, I simply find this contrast to be interesting when u look at it in the grander theme of change and tradition within jujutsu society.

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

HELLO rae it is me again !!!💞💞💞

Theres something that gets me thinking when im reading about Jason which is the differences between Jason and AK!Jason

Its kinda similar to that post you made a while ago about how they are different people and therefore will act differently and that is sooo true

Like first of all, the part of his death

I like how its that thing that completely changes Jason because while Jason's rage was [intensified] from the Lazarus Pit — hallucinations, physical and mental modification and just an overall change in youre whole being, he never really changed being the way he is

But AK!Jason is driven completely by emotions, its ten times more raw and fragile since he never died in the first place, so there was no mysterious magic soup that changed his brain chemistry, he got instead (by his words) filled with rage and pain that he cant take it out of him, since basically he grew up with all the torture from his teens to adult life basically (When the human brain is developing!! How nice!!)

AND THEN MY DEAR I SAY HOW whilst Jason did die, he came back to life, he was given a second chance to live again, whereas AK!Jason cant, because he never died, yet he was killed in the most brutal way known to man, so he was killed and left like that, like something hollow sent out to the world to survive.

Jason chose his path by himself, although it'd be hard, he could (and did in a way) go back to his family, but he doesnt agree with Bruce's methods of doing things so he decided to do it the way he deems effective.

On the other hand, AK!Jason never wanted to be in that cell confined for years knowing nothing else but pain, and no one knew that AK!Jason was alive either but he believed people just thought so because they abandoned him. He was completely on his own and saw no other choice but to do what he had to do.

I guess its also why i like AK!Jason x reader fanfics a lot, i think its interesting how people insert a character into the life of someone who feels so beyond help. Thats also why youre my fav AK!jason writter honestly

ANYWAY THATS JUST RAMBLES BEFORE BED BYE RAE TAKE CARE OF URSELF 🥰🥰💋💋💋

Hello, nonnie! I always love seeing your thoughts! oo, okay, I'll have to do a whole other post on my thoughts on pit madness and fandom vs canon, cause I could go on for ages. But that's besides the point. (idk if it'll be an popular opinion so I'll just keep that to myself for now lol)

I could talk about AK vs Jason for hours too. (I have and will again) I looove what you said about how AK never got to live again, because he never really died!! It's so visceral.

Here's this boy who everyone thinks is dead. They moved on, found ways to cope and 'honor' his memory. But he's not dead. He's not dead and every piece of vile trash Gotham has ever spit it out is taking out their aggression on him for months and months.

Even with all the awful and the abuse and things that make you sick to think about, he has hope. He believes Batman is going to come from him, that if he's brave enough and holds out for long enough, he'll be saved. Until he doesn't. Until there's a new Robin.

And if Jason isn't Robin? If he isn't struggling and fighting to withstand torture as Robin? Then what is he doing? What's the point? Is he even anything now other than what Joker says he is?

Both Jasons had hope. But AK is the one that had it wrenched away from his hands one broken finger after another. Truly, he was broken down until he had nothing left and all there was what Joker made of him.

Except that's not quite true. He still had the strength to escape, still was able to make a deal with Deathstroke, still was able to claw and scratch and turn himself into something new.

It's why I adore him. There's something about the indominable human spirit he portrays and continues to portray. He could have won, during Arkham Knight, he could have let Scarecrow torment Batman on live TV and he could have used every skill and coin and connection he had to take over Gotham. But at the core of who he is, Jason Todd is good.

So, he helps, both Jasons do. It doesn't matter if you agree if what he does is right or how he does it is moral. He saves people, he cleans up the streets, and he does it all from the view of a victim who doesn't want anyone to be able to commit the horrors that were committed to them.

And now if you add the reader into the mix of all of that? Someone he loves? Somewhere between that cell in Arkham and him donning the suit, I think those feelings are going to get twisted. It's not that he loves you any less, it's just that it feels different. Love turns into a desire to possess, and not out of a need to stifle who you are, but out of a need to keep you safe.

He's seen the worst of Gotham, god forbid that ever comes near you. He's going to do whatever it takes to ensure you remain untouched, and untainted, even by him.

[biolizardboils]

Sorry to do this so suddenly, but I'm putting all my blogs on hold until further notice. I might log in to like or private-reblog some posts for reference, but that'll be it.

The short reason is that I wanna work on myself. Mostly personally, but with a side of visual art skills.

The long version is under the cut. Content Warnings: current geopolitical events, mental health.

So I'm writing this part for two reasons: so I can send it to friends and others when they ask what I'm doing; and to remind myself why I'm doing it, in case I'm compelled to come back too early. This is gonna be a ramble; I'm writing this after midnight, cus I'll forget or lose the nerve in the morning.

You likely already know what this is about from the emoji tag. You'll also notice that I won't mention any proper names in this post. That's one of the issues I'm stepping away to work on.

I've been quiet about it ever since it started, for a few reasons. Unfamiliarity with the history behind it, fear of spreading misinfo or propaganda, doomscrolling tendencies. For months, I've done the daily click and left it at that.

(Speaking of, last month I found out that the site doesn't track cookies or whatever its called? TL;DR: you can click as many times as devices you have. That's 3 for me.)

But anyway, this week it stopped feeling like enough. From this post's date and what I usually post about, you can probably guess what broke the camel's back.

And... I feel guilty that this is what broke it. And I feel guilty that I feel guilty. It's not my struggle; I'm a bystander. But I chose to be, and I can't tell how much of it was for my own mental health, and how much was denial, selfishness, misplaced optimism.

I want to believe people aren't so cartoonishly cruel. I want to believe people do their research before acting on or speaking about these things. I want to believe people can treat these things with the delicate nuance they deserve. I want to believe that one side destroying innocents on the other is inexcusable, no matter the historical context, and that the rest of the world's powers will act to stop it.

I'm scared of how much I still want to believe it, despite reality. I'm scared of how long it took me to feel the appropriate horror. I've had intrusive thoughts and pits in my stomach all week, and it's compounded by the guilt that I'm only having them now.

I still want to believe some things were misguided, or made before the situation, or will be fixed later. And I can't tell anymore what's a coping mechanism, and what's just a selfish hope that it'll all be fine.

So... I'm gonna get better coping mechanisms.

I'm looking for therapists. Not just for this, but some other things that happened to stack up this week. It doesn't take much to throw off my daily functioning, and I've been holding off addressing that. Again, it's horrible that it took something like this to make me realize that.

To fill up the spare time, I'm gonna put more work into my art skills. I can finally afford better tools, so it's time I practice more professional techniques.

So, yeah. I'm leaving because I feel I can't address things like an adult, and I hope to learn how before I come back.

Thanks for reading, and goodbye for now.

[janiedean]

god hello some news ig?

... yeah HI *waves*

so, I've been crap at keeping up with social media lately and I miss hanging out on here and I'm planning to keep up at least this month but i'mma just give a small update here sooo

dunno if it was obvious from my last post but I moved out of parents' and going in between feeling proud of myself for not fucking up dinner to crying over how much I suck when I manage to burn pre-made soup but hey the place is still not a complete mess so that's a win

I worked two jobs last year which completely sapped 90% of my force of will to do anything

rn I'm sticking with one which is sadly not exactly earning me atm so I'm trying to get the whole thing going decently but I have to hang on a bit more and then it might hopefully meanwhile I'll settle for scraping by but I could do worse

(I can't say what it is specifically as much as I'd like because it's a thing I actually enjoy doing but it's extremely niche and if I said what it is I'd end up giving doxxing fodder and I'm still paranoid but I can share on dm) (let's just say it's the good kind of retail)

the highlight of my last month for good or bad was watching all of attack on titan in one week and let's just say it was a decision™️

let's say that I'm mentally in a very bleh place but not being with the parents all the time has tbf helped some so hopefully I'll dig myself out asap also because I'd like to y'know be active again

(tbf there was a thing that has happened... entirely too long ago at this point and don't I wish I could get over it but a hello of a long time later I came to terms with the fact that it yeeted me straight into crap coping mechanisms that I thought I had gotten over ten years ago (thought being the key word) and I really don't wanna air dirty laundry also bc I really should move on but when I'm like this I feel like I'm bothering most people with my mere presence and I tend to self-isolate and tbh right now is worse than it was fifteen years ago but eh I'll get over it but like if I show up then I disappear for three weeks then show up again it's... that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

anyway hello people I missed you all I swear I'll be more present this next year hoping it's not 90% crap as this one was T_T