#anyway this play through was mostly me shitting myself

[thederpiverse]

Dilophosaurus and the wow that's a lot of fog

[pink-vulpix]

.

[lbhslefttiddie]

I haven’t seen you around much here lately, so I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing well ^^ . If you have any life challenges going on right now, I believe in you to conquer them!!!

thank you!!! the life challenges is my phone and computer both had a stroke and died within a month of each other 😔 it was super cursed but im cool im being very brave about it

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

I'm clearing out my draft folder again.

Steve and Robin were running through Starcourt, high as fuck when Steve skidded to a stop in front of Eddie Munson.

"You look like Eddie Munson," Steve giggled.

"Steve!" Robin said with wide eyes. "I think that is - "

"Man, what happened to your face?" Eddie asked.

"Funny story, can you keep a secret from Eddie?" Steve said seriously.

"Sure," Eddie grinned.

"No, Steve, that's - ,"

"ANYWAY," Steve rolled his eyes at Robin. "I had this crush on him in freshman year. Do you think I should tell him?"

"Uh - are you guys on drugs?" Eddie asked.

"YES! But we didn't want to," Robin said. "They wanted information."

"Aw, fuck, there's this guy that works with Rick. Real sketchy. I told him he needs to let him go before he gets Rick into trouble, but does Rick listen to me? Nah!" Eddie exclaimed. "Look, whatever the hell he gave you should wear off. Not all drug dealers are like that. What we pitch to you is what you get. What you want is what you get. Okay, let's get you guys to the bathroom and try to get it out of your system. Come on."

"I'm going to tell Eddie," Steve said with a grin. "Shh! Wait here. I'll tell you how it goes."

Steve ran off with Robin on his tail. Eddie cursed and chased after them. They got distracted by the lights hanging overhead and started spinning around, gazing at them in awe.

"You guys do not want to do that," Eddie said, and they started heaving before they ran off in the direction of the bathrooms. "And that's why."

He ran off after them and into the bathroom room, where they vomited into the toilets. Eddie knelt down next to him and stroked Steve’s hair as he emptied the contents of his stomach. Once Steve was done, he leaned his head into Eddie's touch and closed his eyes, letting Eddie stroke his hair. He whined when Eddie moved away and saw him go to the sink. He came back with a wet, soapy paper towel and started cleaning Steve’s face.

"I guess I'm chopped liver," Robin said. "It's okay, I'll get it myself."

Steve laughed and made a face at the taste in his mouth. Eddie clapped a hand on his back.

"I'll be right back," Eddie said.

He rushed off to buy a couple of toothbrushes and toothpaste. He also picked up what he thought was lip balm. When he returned, he he heard them talking. They were clearly bonding, solidifying their working relationship into a friendship. Or maybe something more considering how Robin was talking about watching Steve. Shit, maybe Eddie should leave. They were talking about someone else now.

"But Tammy Thompson's a girl," Steve said.

"Yeah," Robin said.

"Oh."

Or maybe not. Oh God, Robin was coming out to Steve, and Eddie was overhearing it. Oh God, what should he do? He was frozen to the spot. Steve was going on about how Tammy Thompson was a total dud and how she sounded like a Muppet. Eddie snorted. Yeah, that was true.

"I can't believe you're making fun of my crush," Robin laughed. "What about yours?"

"Hey, at least Eddie can sing," Steve replied.

Fuck! Okay, so he had been telling the truth then.

"How do you know he can sing?" Robin asked.

"My car broke down near the Hideout one night, and I heard him singing. He was playing with his band, Corroded Coffin," Steve said. "They were really good. I was going to go talk to him, but I kind of thought that the drummer was his girlfriend, but that's crazy. I mean, guys and girls can just be friends, right?"

"I like to think so," Robin replied.

There was a long pause in their conversation, which gave Eddie plenty of opportunity to burst through the door.

"Okay, so I have a green toothbrush and a pink one," Eddie said. "Which one do you guys want?"

"Ooh, pink," Steve said and they stared at him. "What?"

"Nothing," Eddie said in amusement.

He watched as they brushed their teeth. Well, he mostly watched Steve.

"So, how much of our conversation did you hear?" Steve asked, setting his toothbrush on the sink.

"What? I didn't hear anything. Were you guys talking about something?" He asked.

"Seriously?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't hear anything that you guys didn't want me to hear," Eddie said.

"I don't think you're the kind of guy who would spill the beans on us," Robin said. "At least, I hope not so you don't have to deny anything."

"Ooh, lip gloss," Steve plucked it out of Eddie's hand. "May I?"

"Yeah, I thought it was lip balm," Eddie frowned. "So, have you always known that you liked guys?"

"Not just guys, girls too," Steve said as he started applying the lip gloss to his pouty lips. "I'm bisexual."

"Did you always know you were bisexual?" Eddie asked as he watched Steve’s lips intently.

"Well, yes and no," Steve said. "It was more like a slow build-up to my realization. Like more and more evidence started piling up that I could no longer deny."

"So, it wasn't like you looked at someone one day and realized 'shit, I'm into dudes, now?" Eddie asked as his eyes raked over the swell of his ass.

"It's always kind of been there. Why?" Steve asked as he closed the lip gloss.

"No reason," Eddie blushed, looking at his shoes.

"Oh my god!" Robin exclaimed. "You woke him up."

"What?" Steve asked.

"You woke him up!" Robin exclaimed, and Eddie quickly hid behind his hair.

"It's the outfit!" Eddie shrieked.

"So, what is it about the outfit that does it for you?" Steve asked.

"It's everything! The socks! The shorts that fill out your ass fantastically, by the way! And the shirt with the red bow tie in front," Eddie said. "It's just the whole fucking outfit."

"You should see me in the hat," Steve said in amusement.

Suddenly, Dustin and Erica burst into the bathroom before Steve could say anything else.

"There you are!" Dustin shrieked.

"Hey, could you give us a minute?" Steve asked Robin.

Robin quickly started ushering the kids out of the bathroom.

"But, Steve?!" Dustin asked.

"Out!" Robin yelled and shut the door behind them.

"I like you and as badly as I want to kiss you right now. . . I don't want it to be after I vomited in a bathroom. Plus, you still need to figure things out. If you still want me a few days from now. Call me. I have to deal with these kids I babysit. So go home and think things over," Steve said softly.

There was something that Steve wasn't telling him, but Eddie knew that he was also right. Besides, it was late. Steve placed his hands on Eddie's shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek, close to the corner of his mouth. It felt much like Steve was promising him something. Steve pulled away and started moving toward the door.

"Hey, Steve?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm definitely going to call you," Eddie said.

Steve laughed and walked out of the bathroom, leaving them both with hope for the future.

[tgcg]

this is my element (+ album)

asking me to pick my fave album is like asking an orphan matron to pick her favorite baby boy

thats some weird and cruel circumstances to put upon me i feel like it changes every damn week like a rota

i mean what if my beats misbehave and i gotta put 'em in time out i cant play permanent on that theyre too cute

but yknow what i can show you one thing thats been on my mind lately

===

so when i was a kid we had this skateboard vid by "element skateboards" on DVD

they were this skateboard kit slash apparel company that was all about progressivism and shit and they did these much lauded comp tapes of dudes riding around on their boards and doing the dopest of macho tricks on the shit

flipping it turnways

putting the rock in the house like a big man

we had some of their merch actually

===

so anyways the one we had back then was This Is My Element

released 2007

mostly clips from cali i think and i mean the camerawork is fucking insane on some of those shots

this is gonna sound lame as fuck but i prob spent so many cumulative hours just peelin through the footage and ogling the shit outta it

that framing was tight

===

so you may be asking yourself or me

dave you genuine dicksucker i asked about your fav album not your favorite sordid ass display of smooth dudes hardcore riding and grinding them boards in public dude you have a problem

ok well that wasnt a question first of all so jot that down

but anyways to THAT i say

listen to the music

the whole thing has an original soundtrack of ambient beats

got some abstract hip hop jams, got some more indie stuff, lots of acoustic sampling

HELLA underground

and basically every track minus one is done by sampler beast david p. madson AKA "odd nosdam"

dude is my hero seriously

he is the master of the beat machine i shit you not hes always been kinda my idol on this stuff

aside from bro obviously

===

obviously.

===

anyways he had an E-mu SP-1200 which is a really oldschool sampler invented by dave rossum in the late 80s

revolutionary to the hip hop scene

nosdam had this mega distinct sound to his music that i always wanted to replicate on my own beats

still do

i dont know for sure if he used it on T.I.M.E. but he uses some of the same samples from "vol. 9" which was exclusively SP-1200 so im gonna get a lil j’accuzi on that

it couldve been a boss dr sampler SP-202 though idk

he had one of those

===

so aside from beating the shit out of the pause/resume button to flip my whole cranium at the cinematography or whatever i would also kinda play it on loop to listen to the soundtrack and space out at 2am

the lonely broner seemed to free his mind at night

ok shit broner is good but i didnt mean it like that

that was goofy lets just keep movin

it was the only way i had to listen to it back then but i mean the video is 50 mins long so its basically just an odd nosdam album with accompanying ambient skater sounds and random expletives and whatever

random car sequence

yknow what i dont think people respect enough?

the dude who catches all the "mad stunts yo" on camera

i swear to god at least half the time hes ALSO on a board and that shit is bananas to me

bros gotta be on some whole other level of zen to skate good AND catch all them glamor shots of his fellow skater

thats like an express ticket to the ER imo

the ambulance is already on the scene watching you like an eager crow watches a half dead dog

===

ok gonna go ahead and lay it out flat

not great on a board myself

kinda dogshit at it actually

so maybe im not exactly an arbitrator of skateboard heinousness

but i always kinda liked watching THEM do it i mean who doesnt?

whats an even crazier layer to stack on the "dave" cake is

and dirk told me this because unfortunately it kinda happened post-2009

he would do all these collabs with one of my childhood favorite underground rappers david cohn aka serengeti

surrounded by daves left and right dude even before all the time travel horseshit

thats like

serendipitous as fuck i think!

===

if sburb was just a revolving door of artists called dave that i could bump fists with

instead of other mes in various states of aliveness tending toward extremely dead

i wouldve probably given it something higher than 2 stars on my TGN review

===

so yeah you ask me my favorite album its T.I.M.E. by odd nosdam i guess

bump that shit on a walk your mind will go places unknown to man

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate Chapter 21

Trigger Warnings: Smut, orgasm, cunnilingus, oral play, reader squirts, threesome, trichophilia, salirophilia

"You are such an annoying shit!" Y/N growled as she smacked the wolf with the towel. "Did you have to call him out?" "Hey. Hey. Stop. Omega." Seungmin growled as he tried to catch the towel that was repeatedly smacking him. "I'm sure you're not the best pleaser anyway. Minho might be better." The wolf growled, baring her teeth at the beta. Seungmin smirked and grabbed the towel, dragging her body towards his so he could grab her legs. The female squealed in shock as he grabbed her and pushed her body against the backdoor, his hands resting underneath her ass. "Shall we find out little puppy?" Seungmin taunted. "If you were so desperate for my attention you could have asked." Y/N mimicked his tone, testing the wolf's patience. Seungmin chuckled at her attitude before kissing her harshly. His teeth smacked against hers as he shoved his tongue into her mouth. Seungmin was relentless as he kissed up her neck, biting every so often he fancied before returning to her lips. Y/N could feel her arousal creeping up on her and she knew Seungmin could smell it. It was almost hard not to feel the way she did. His mouth was hot and wet. His fangs were sharp they made her shiver in delight. "Hold on to me. I'm not taking you to the garden. I'm not that cruel." Seungmin breathed out as he opened the door to take her to the living room. "Are you not?" Y/N challenged and Seungmin gave her a wink before throwing her onto the sofa with a growl.

Seungmin pulled her down with another growl before he leaned to kiss her, yet he didn't. His lips ghosted over hers, making her whine out in frustration, but Seungmin ignored her. Instead, he grabbed the hem of Minho's jogging bottoms and ripped them. Not caring about the item of clothing in front of him. "What? I'm an impatient man." Seungmin answered with a grin. As soon as the bottoms were desgarded he snapped the band of her underwear clean off before quickly spreading her legs, not wasting any time to prove he could definitely please her. To her surprise Seungmin was slow and attentive as he licked through her folds to her clit. The padding of his tongue laid flat against her. His rhythm started off slow as he built her up, carefully he flicked over clit. Occasionally he would suck before he came back down to her opening, teasing her entrance with his tongue. Her soft little breathy moans hardened Seungmins cock but he did not care. He wanted her to cum. He wanted to see her release. Seungmin sped up and paid extra detail to her hardened bud, edging her closer and closer until she came. "I mean. You tried." Y/N breathed out causing the wolf to glare at her, ready to start again when Felix walked passed. Y/N threw the wolf off and wrapped the blanket around her so she could mostly check on the wolf. "Felix. Felix." Y/N called out.

Felix turned around and looked at the sweaty female wolf curiously. He could see the frustrated beta behind him. "Are you okay?" Y/N breathed out. "I am alright. Come here." Felix pulled her hand and took her to the kitchen so she was away from Seungmins glares. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and I didn't want you to blame yourself. Honestly, I never wanted to kill anyone. I don't like fighting. I mean I don't like it when Chan argues with me so killing someone was hard. I felt sick and it made me hate myself. I hated myself more when I saw your face. Wooyoung was your alpha and you loved him and then I killed him. I didn't even know what to say because despite being angry at you, I never wanted you to ever think it was your fault or feel bad. I am sorry. I will always talk to you about anything baby, but this was hard." Felix's confession made Y/N's head swell. She appreciated his honesty and recognised how valid his feelings were. No one was meant to like killing. It should always be a last resort or an impossible resort. "I wasn't angry at you, ever. It was hard because I watched the person who abused me die. It was weird. I felt felt relief, but sadness, but I never held it against you. Your feelings are valid. No one is supposed to kill. But anyway it's fine. I want us to be fine." Felix appreciated her words. He was grateful for her being so understanding. "Come here, my love," Felix whispered as he pulled her closer, careful of her blanket as he kissed her softly. Felix's mouth was salty. She could taste the sweat on his tongue as she pushed harder, causing Felix to grip the towel. "Did Seungmin not please you," Felix murmured as he pulled her head back to deepen his tongue. "Need Lixie to make it better," Y/N whined. Felix smirked and put Y/N onto the counter, dismissing the blanket that was wrapped around her. "Mmm. Lixie make it better baby." Felix whispered as he planted his forehead against her, his fingers teasing her opening, while his thumb massages her clit. "Felix is sorry baby. Felix loves you so much. Gonna make you cum baby." Felix whispered as he teased her opening before sliding two fingers into her wet hole, causing her to gasp. Felix slowly slid in and out of her causing her to whine, her hips thrusting forward. "Can I taste you, baby? Hmm, let me taste you?" Felix whined, his soft pouty face aroused her. He was teasing her. She knew he had another face but he wasn't showing it. "Baby?" He cooed. "Yes. Yes." Y/N answered and gasped when she felt his mouth on her clit. His rough sucks sent a wave of emotions causing her to cum all over Minho's counter, but Felix didn't stop. Felix brought his head up to watch her as he slowly entered a third. "You gonna cum for me again baby?" Felix teased as he pressed harder into her, causing her to let out a panicked groan as he pulled out slowly only to slam into her harder. "Felix." Y/N gasped as he watched her, flicking his wrist slowly but harsher before thrusting faster into her. The sound of her wet pussy being fucked by Felix's hand sounded dirty. Her slick was seeping out as slid down Felix's hand. "Such a pretty wolf, aren't you." Felix cooed as he nuzzled her face. "Has your Felix been forgiven?" "Yes. Yes." Y/N reached out to pull the wolf towards her, her hands pulling Felix's hair as she kissed him. Felix growled at her actions, it was turning him on.

"Can I have her back now." Seungmin called out, causing Y/N to glare at the wall. "Go on before he gets grumpy. I'll clean up." Felix answered as he kissed her lips, before she headed into the living room to see a dangerous Seungmin who patted his lap. Y/N rolled her eyes and sat on his lap with her arms crossed. "Such a sulky puppy." Seungmin chided. "Such a sulky puppy." Y/N mimicked sticking out her tongue for him to catch, his nails digging into her tongue, causing the female wolf to look dumbfounded. Seungmin smirked and spat on her tongue, his saliva sliding down the side of her mouth. "Does puppy like being spat on?" Seungmin growled, letting go of her tongue before flipping them over, his hands pushing her into the sofa with a glare. Seungmin winked at her, his amber eyes glowed and his fangs appeared, making her nervous at his animalistic presence. Seungmin lowered his head down to her wet glistening pussy that was already leaking her silky slick all over again. Seungmin gave her one flick of his tongue before grazing her sensitive bud with his fangs causing her to grip the sofa. She had never experienced anything so primal in her life. She was scared but so excited at the same time. Seungmin growled and flicked her clit with his fang again causing her to whimper. He had her right where he wanted her. The wolf grazed his mouth harshly over her pussy before he meticulously fucked her with his tongue. His sharp fangs scraped away at her causing her to let out an orgasmic scream. Her panicked scream caused Felix to burst through the door in worry as he heard her. He was unsure if she was enjoying it or petrified at Seungmin's wolf, but seeing her flushed skin and blurry eyes, she seemed fine, until he stopped. She was so close to the edge and he stopped.

Seungmin laughed at her, as he patted her wet pussy. He could see she was annoyed. Her blue eyes glared at him. She was so undeniably desperate. "What is it puppy? Hmm. Do you need to release it? Too bad." Seungmin answered. "You're so mean. Let her come." Felix stated as he walked over to kiss the sweaty female wolf. The female wolf grabbed and pulled him down to her, desperately latching on to his mouth. Felix obliged, kissing her softly as his hands reached under Minho's jumper to play with her hardened breast. "Why don't you order him to make you come," Felix whispered. "He has to listen. Alpha Hyunjin ordered him to." "Seungmin. Don't be so mean. You have to let me come. Please." Y/N whined as she watched the wolf's hardened eyes. "Alright puppy, but only because I have to. Once tomorrow hits I'm gonna punish you." Seungmin warned as he dived into her pussy, his fangs almost piercing her skin. Felix lifted her jumper so he could suck on her breasts. The sensation of both betas hand sent her into an overdrive causing her to pull at their hair. Felix didn't seem to mind and almost orgasmed every time she yanked him but Seungmin seemed to get more pissed off, that every time she did it, he would nip her thighs.

Seungmin and Felix continued to please her all afternoon, sending her into several orgasms, one after the other, each taking it in turns. They expected her to stop so they could cuddle and eat but her drive kept going and going to the point the two betas got worried. They had made her orgasm seven times and she still begged and cried, to the point she wanted them in here. They had her on the sofa, over their laps, at the coffee table even in the kitchen. It would not stop. They were afraid they might have triggered her heat accidentally, which was a good thing, but they needed Chan back. Technically they didn't need him, she could have anyone of the wolves she felt comfortable with but it was mainly the fact that Seungmin was getting tired. The obnoxious male had started to regret antagonising her and his hand was beginning to ache. He even joked about getting a dildo from the shop to help since they were not allowed to fuck her yet but Felix warned it was still a bad idea because she was healing, even though they both had slammed their fingers into her. Still, she was still begging and crying at the beta's for more release and Felix couldn't even get hold of one wolf. Felix tried Chan but his phone was off. He called Hyunjin twenty-four times but it went to answer machine. Seungmin in the end had to send an SOS message to their group chat in hopes one of them would see it: "HELP! I think Y/N's gone into heat! We need backup." Felix even responded with a light-hearted message in case the wolves panicked, "We can do it but I think our little wolf may need an alpha because Seungmin hasn't gotten the alpha stamina." And yet the two beta's had no response. They were left all alone with an incredibly feral female.

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @ihttinniee @kingdomofpentagon @pixie0627 @tsunderelino @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @hyunmikim

[sexilene]

can i request a boynextdoor!jj x girlnextdoor!reader? anything you wanna do with that! thanks youuu!!!

(sorry about any spelling mistakes lol) #yummmmmm!!!! just a little boynextdoor!jj x girlnextdoor!reader thought ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

messing around with the boy next door is nothing short of amazing, messing around while your parents weren’t home, watching him get all sweaty doing yard work from your window, playing footsies under the table when your family invites the neighborhood for a big ol’ dinner, and, sneaking him in through your window at night just to sleep in each other’s arms…

jj was pretty sure, no, 100% sure that he loved you and felt like a lucky son of bitch to have you even more so because you were so close by. you too would call on the phone when you couldn’t have him climbing through the window at night but sometimes his phone just wouldn’t work or would get shut off due to his dad not paying the bill. at some point, he couldn't rely on technology to communicate with you so he spent one afternoon making a little basket string pulley system that connected both windows. this way you were able to send each other little notes that were mostly just a bunch of i love you’s, horny thoughts, and promises of running away together.

jj had also convinced you to learn the flashlight morse code as well as his own “flashlight code” which sort of heals his inner child, acting like spies that could only communicate through light code.

“two flashes means yes and one means no…flash then stop and then long flash means i’m hard.” he points to the page, gesturing for you to write it down in your notebook to help you remember.

“uh huh…” you don’t even question it and write it down.

there are times when your parents find out you've been “messing around with that no good maybank boy” and ground you, forbidding you to see him, so in times like those you are grateful for your little notes system, sending him lipstick kiss marks, your clothes doused in your perfume or what you call little “treats”.

dear jayjay,

sometimes when i miss you and can’t sneak you in, i put the t-shirt you left here on and dream of you being here with me and re-read your little notes. i know you still have trouble expressing your feelings but i love you anyways

sometimes when i can see your light still on i sit on my bed and play with myself, rub my pussy through my panties thinking of you…wishing it was you, rubbing my clit like you showed me and kissing me.

since im grounded and can’t risk seeing you right now i wanted to give you my panties to help you out with my absence, i wrote your name on them and i came thinking of you (that’s why it's all sticky lol) so it's yours now! i love you jay! ﾒ𝟶ﾒ𝟶!!

and jj very much appreciates the little gift because that night he’s licking and smelling the little watch patch on the fabric like a perv, using them to fist his throbbing hard cock thinking of you.

“fuck- shit baby…smell so fuckin’ good,” he grits through his teeth, eyes closed imagining you bouncing up and down on his cock whining with tears streaming down your face.

“love you s-so much,” jj’s eyes open to look out his window over to watch your silhouette move around in your dimly lit room, he’s grunting out a “fuck fuck fuck!” and fisting his dick faster leading him to spill out globs of hot cum all over your ruined panties.

[bu-blegh-ost]

The time has finally come, @girlsonlytreehouse !!!

Today I shall share with you the fruits of my work. But first, allow me to take you on a journey I myself have been through while counting all of this shit down.

First things first, I decided to count the rolls in the context of the characters rather than the people playing them, simply because the luck of the actual people could not be measured accurately if I only take Riptide into consideration (and also I thought it would be more fun). The guys have several different campaigns, some that I do not have access to, so I've decided to seperate all their Riptide rolls into characters they play instead, cause then we can clearly see which character is the luckiest. But ofc if you want this to be attributed differently, the data remains unchanged, so that way you all can interpret the results however you wanted and still have all the info you need on hand.

Another issue were the advantage/disadvantage rolls. When a character rolls at advantage, they roll twice and the only roll that counts is the one that was higher, while the other is discarded and the opposite goes for disadvantage. So for example if you roll at Disadvantage and you roll a nat 20 and a 2, that nat 20 technically doesn't matter. Despite that I decided to count each adv/disadv roll anyway, because despite the fact that it does not count, it was still physically ROLLED, which means it contributes to the character's overall pool of luck. I tried to separate them at first so you guys can make your own decision whether to add them or not, but in the end I decided against it cause it was insanely hard to keep up with. There were just too many and too often, which led me to believe that it was fair enough to count everything as long as they actually rolled a dice.

Which brings me to the last complication, which is of course Gillion's Prophetic Screwup. At the beginning of the campaign Gillion was able to exchange anything that he actually rolled into a nat 20, and in return the DM can change any roll he does afterwards into a nat 1. That way there was supposed to be an equal number of wild unrolled nat 20's and nat 1's to balance Gillion out back to 0, but it didn't turn out this way. In more cases than not, Grizzly would either forget or fail to find a good place to screw Gillion over, so the ability bacame much too unbalanced. So they changed it somwhere in the middle of Edison Kingdom Arc. From then on, if Gill rolled anything from 1-10 it would automatically become a nat 1, and if he rolled from 11-20, that'd be a nat 20 instead. Either way these rolls had nothing to do with luck, as he wasn't actually rolling anything, thus I decided not to count these 'artificial' nat 20's/1's. However I did keep track of them nonetheless and I'll still give you the number of those, just separately, and from then on you guys can make your own decision on whether or not you wish to count it.

OOOFFF ALRIGHT.

Without further ado, here are the nat 20's results (up to ep106):

Gillion: 52

Chip: 58

Jay: 55

Goobleck: 8

Surprised? Yeah I was as well. First things first I never expected this to be this close. And never in my right mind could I possibly predict that it would he CHIP of all people to have the highest score here. But I've seen it with my own eyes. And tell you what. Jay had this in the bag for most of the damn series. She would consistently roll good and always when you need a good roll the most. There were times when she would have such a massive lead it was unthinkable she could loose it. But then she would just kinda...stop rolling good for a bit and allow the other two to catch up. It just wasn't as visble if you don't pay much attention, but I thought it to be cute. It's as she was waiting for them <3 But she was still mostly leading. It was only the current arc that made Chip surpass her. After his terrible luck in Feywilde, he bounced back so strongly right after, that he managed to jump in front of the luck queen herself.

And now I bet you're curious about the other side of the coin. Give it up for natural 1's!:

Gillion: 55

Chip: 53

Jay: 52

Goobleck: 1

You see, I kind of expected it to be Gill, but I need you guys to know that this wasn't the case at all times. Jay? Yes. If there is one thing that's consistent is that she had the lowest amount of natural 1s at all times almost, but the person that was suffering from nat 1 curse for a long while was Chip. In the Feywilde Arc he would be so far ahead of everyone, that I was genuinely sure that there is no way anyone catches up to him. But then he popped off in the next arc with nat 20's and Gillion? Oh my gosh, Gillion didn't disappoint. I've never seen a man fail this much let me tell you XD He ended up with the least nat 20's as well, but I thought the difference would be much higher until he didn't roll 4 fucking nat 20s in ep 100 and then this double nat 20 attack roll in the Black Sea whduihdius AND HE CAUGHT UP AS WELL, more or less.

Idunno, maybe this is just how luck works, but it truly seems that the trio shares their successes and burdens almost equally. They support each other and in return fate has their backs as well. Honestly I couldn't have hoped for better results. Also can we give shout out to Goobleck, the true MVP? He's been on the show only for a while but look at this nat1 - nat20 ratio!!! Go goop man goo!!!

So now for the additional stuff that I also counted just for fun:

*Prophethic screwup nats:

Before the rules changed Gillion replaced 8 of his rolls into natural 20s, and in return Grizzly replaced 3 of his rolls into natural 1s.

After the rules changed he only got high enough number for 4 nat 20s, and a low enough number for 7 nat 1s.

So that together makes additional 12 nat 20s and 10 nat 1s from the prophetic screwup alone. I don't think they should be added, but the numbers are there so feel free to do whatever you want with them :)

Downs and death saves:

Throughout the campaign Gillion went down 14 times and rolled 8 death saves.

Chip went down 6 times and rolled 4 death saves.

Jay went down 4 times and rolled 3 death saves.

No shocker here, Gillion dies a lot XD

Knights:

In their journey Gillion knighted 4 people: Julien Booker, Clorton, Garrieth and Duke.

Corruption score:

Thus far each character has the following amount of corruption points (Black Sea):

Gillion: 0

Chip: 2

Jay: 3

Queen: 1

Gryffon: 2 (i think, unsure abt that one, may edit later XD)

Earl: 1

That is all I have for now. I may be clinically insane :)

Good day to everyone and I hope you found this data interesting. Take care <3

[berylcups]

La Squadra x Reader: What makes them laugh

CW: suggestive behavior (Melone being Melone), getting scared, food, spicy food, annoyed pets( no pets real or imaginary were harmed in this post), gamer rage, language barriers, minor DNI

Notes: some of the videos suggest may or may not be offensive to you or your morals (mostly referring to cart narcs and some Gi Joe PSAs) so please view at your own discretion and mental health in mind! This is a post made for funsies and not meant to harm in anyway. Humor is subjective and as someone with privilege but also is AuDHD there maybe somethings I overlooked. Just know that Beryl loves you all and cares about you all 💜 Also regarding Prosciutto…he might be a little OOC. The only real humor I could see him having is like boomer humor or political humor but that is such a gross yucky subject and I want to keep this post as positive as possible. I hope I did him justice! I hope you enjoy either way! 💜 Beryl

Risotto

What type of humor do they have?: dark humor/ jump scare reactions

How do they laugh?: he has a low deep rumble of a chuckle when he does laugh it almost sounds like an evil villain’s laughter. It’s a little intimidating! But don’t tell him that we want him to laugh more! 🖤

Anything you do make them laugh?: anytime something makes you jump he can’t help but let out a chuckle. Whether someone shows up in your line of sight suddenly and it startles you, or a loud noise makes you scream like a crack of lightning.

You were in the kitchen of the base sneaking a piece of a cake, you knew nobody else was home so you could easily steal the last piece of strawberry cake. You felt so evil, you couldn’t help but giggle to yourself!

As soon as you took a forkful and put it near your mouth, a flash of lightning struck and you felt a massive hand on your shoulder with hot breath on your neck.

“…that’s the last piece…I hope you plan on sharing it Y/N…” you heard a deep voice rumble.

The pure rush of adrenaline jolted through you like the lightning outside and you jumped up, dropping the plate and letting out the most high pitched pathetic screech. The plate shattered all over the kitchen floor completely ruining the cake.

“Damn it Risotto! Don’t scare me like that!” You whined. “Stop being invisible and show yourself!”

He chuckled as he revealed himself, he had a rare shit eating grin on his face.

“Sorry… I really couldn’t help myself. It was the perfect opportunity to get you like that.” He snickered as rubbed your head.

“Sigh…I’m happy that you are enjoying yourself. But I almost peed myself and I dropped a perfectly good piece of cake.” You whined.

“Well I hate to say it but karma is a bitch. That’s what happens when you try to sneak off with the last piece.” He smirked as he got out the broom and dust pan.

“And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you being a creeper.” You huffed.

What types of videos make them laugh?: jumpscare reactions- especially if it’s older people playing the scary maze. He thinks it’s hilarious! But he feels bad when he sees little kids get scared, that’s not funny to him 😞 any kid age 12+ though is fine with him- it’s time for them to grow up 😈

Any examples?: nothing specific- look for videos of people getting tricked into getting jump scared 😅 like scary maze, the video of the car driving down through the hills, FNAF, etc.

Formaggio

What type of humor do they have?: funny memes/ voice over parodies

How do they laugh?: he starts off with a goofy low deep chuckle then as it progresses it turns into a roaring laughter where he’s gasping and holding his stomach. Very infectious 🤭

Anything you do make them laugh?: This guy is all giggles! It’s never hard to make him laugh. But his favorite thing is when you reference his favorite videos.

“Hey hey hey~! Get off the counter Asiago!” You scolded the cat. The grey furball turned its butt at you and continued to prance across the counter. “Oh? We’re playing this game huh? Don’t make me give you a body massage~…”

“Who wants a body massage?”you asked in a deep voice, picking up the cat off the counter before she could escape.

“Mister body massage machine GO” you aggressively rubbed the cats belly.

“Pfft hey~! Where’s my body massage?” He laughed watching you playfully manhandle the cat.

“Make me some pork chop sandwiches and maybe zaddy will give ya a body massage!” You struggled to say through your giggling.

The cat was fed up with both of your guys bullshit and jumped out of your arms and ran off hissing.

What types of videos make them laugh?: GI Joe PSAs, Jaboody Dubs- he loves silly voice overs of his favorite American cartoons. Taking them out of context and rewriting the dialogue makes him want to piss himself from laughter.

Any examples?: Pork Chop Sandwiches! I’m a computer, stop all the downloading!

Illuso

What type of humor do they have?: “nailed it “ humor

How do they laugh?: He laughs just as obnoxiously as he does in the dub. Its very unflattering and he sounds like a hyena. Despite that, it’s very contagious!

Anything you do make them laugh?: when you tried to make cute rainbow cupcakes and all the colors bled together making it look like an absolute disaster. The icing melted and the rainbow candy wouldn’t retain its rainbow shape...Its just a sugary sticky mess.

“Ha-Nice job. Very well done.” Illuso snickered. “It looks like a leprechaun vomited all over your cake pan!” he howled.

“It looks so fucking miserable! Did you even try???” he cackled. “Next time, leave the baking to me!”

“Oh fuck off Lulu.”you groaned, rubbing your temples in frustration. “Anytime I pintrest anything, it always-ALWAYS goes wrong.”

He wiped the tears from his face as he tried to calm himself down from his high.

“Hey, hey… Calm down Y/N. Baking is very fickle. I’ll help you out next time. You did the best you could. Trial and error is unfortunately part of the baking process” he said rubbing your back.

“I just really wanted some cute tasty cupcakes…”you pouted.

“I could tell. You didn’t let the cupcakes cool long enough before you put the icing on them. That's why it melted right off.” he stuck a finger in one of the cakes and tasted the frosting. “Mmm…still tastes good though. Lets just eat them anyway. Ugly cake is still good cake.”

.

What types of videos make them laugh?: “Nailed it” show, parkour/stunt fails, live tv bloopers/ fails, makeup fails

Any examples?: grape lady falls

Pesci

What type of humor do they have?: cute animal humor

How do they laugh?: he tries to hold back his laughs but fails with an adorable snort. He has a giggle that sounds like pure joy from an angel. 😇 It’s a big belly laugh and it’s hard not to laugh along with him. Hearing his laugh is always going to put you in a good mood! 😁

Anything you do make them laugh?: when you panic and freak out holding an upset octopus that you accidentally caught while fishing.

“lil guppy~! Put down the camera and help me~! Ow ow ow!” You squealed trying to pry to the angry octopuses suction cups off of you.

“My poor precious pearl! Don’t worry! I’ll help you!” He quickly took a few more pictures of your scuffle with the cephalopod and walked over to gently but firmly pull the tentacles off your face and chest.

He wrangled the fuming octopus and gently but swiftly removed the hook from it. He then he quickly dropped it back into its home in the sea.

“Oh thank god… Thank you Pesci. You’re my hero!” You sighed in relief and rubbed the sore spots the suction cups left.

. “You’re very welcome Y/N. I’m just thankful you’re okay. You weren’t in any real danger. Octopus encounters are just really uncomfortable.” Pesci looks at you and your red splotches, making a gentle giggle.

“What’s so funny??” You whined, putting hands on your hips. You were annoyed he was laughing after a moment like this but knowing how kind he was you’d give him a moment to explain himself.

“The octopus gave you a bunch of welts making it look like you have polka dots!” He laughed light-heartedly. “ you poor thing, I’ll have to give you some cream to help your irritated skin.”

“Sigh… I’m so accident prone. Maybe it was a bad idea to join you on your fishing trips.” You pouted.

“No! Not at all!” He said, giving you a big reassuring hug . “ I love having you with me! I want you to come with me all the time!…only if you want to of course.”

“I’d love too.” You smiled. “As long as I don’t catch anymore angry octopi.” You softly giggled.

What types of videos make them laugh?: he loves watching cat and dog videos of them being silly and doing goofy things! He has a wholesome sense of humor.

Any examples?: Today I groomed a new species | the weirdest cat ever. Cat barking like dog. Dog of wisdom

Prosciutto

What type of humor do they have?: instant karma

How do they laugh?: he has a deep, rich laughter. It sounds very indulgent. It starts out with a mild wheeze then a chuckle that rumbles out of his chest. He has a habit to put a hand to his forehead and shake his head before he really starts laughing. If you have a voice kink his laughter might make you start acting unwise 😳

Anything you do make them laugh?: it has nothing to do with his type of humor but you underestimate something. You were weak to heat but you thought you could handle some of Prosciuttos pasta arrabiata. You… couldn’t handle it at all.

You were having lunch with your beloved partner. You were eating Gnocchi Sorrentina and he had Pasta Arrabiata. It looked so good and smelled good too. You wanted a taste.

“Hey Prosci, let me have a bite of your pasta pretty please? It looks sooo good!” You said trying not to drool.

“Hmm?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m more than happy to share amore, but it’s very spicy. I know you don’t do well with spicy foods… are you sure you want to try it?” He asked.

“I know I’m weak to spice but it can’t be THAT spicy. Your nose isn’t even running and you're not sweating! I can handle it!” You reassured him. “May I have just a bite please?”

He seemed a little wary but he took a forkful and guided it towards your mouth.

“Okay amore. Here you go. Open up.” He said bring the fork closer to your lips.

You opened your mouth happily inviting the food into your mouth. You chewed as you felt your senses overcome you. Perfectly al dente pasta and a delicious tomato sauce tantalizing your taste buds.

“Oh my~! Prosci it’s so goo-“an unsettling sensation overcame your mouth. You felt your nose get runny and the sweat begin to form on your skin. The heat in your mouth has made itself known. You could feel it in all your soft tissues, your throat, and even your teeth!

“So..so hot!” You panicked. You jump up from your chair and scramble to the sink to drink water directly from the tap.

Prosciutto wheezed and let a hearty laugh out of his chest.

“I told you it was going to be spicy Y/N!” He wheezed.

“I didn’t think it was going to be THAT spicy!” You gargled. “Ahh~ the pain won’t stop!”

“Drink milk amore. Fats neutralize the capsaicin.” He chucked as watched.

You slammed open the fridge and grabbed the milk and drank straight from it, not caring it was for Pesci. You’d buy him a new one. You drank the rest of the leftover milk panting hard.

“Feel better?” He asked.

“ Yeah… the pain is gone. But now I’m going to have to worry about my lactose intolerance later…” you panted. “I owe Pesci a new milk jug.”

“We’ll worry about that when we come to it.” He said kissing your forehead.

What types of videos make them laugh?: anything to do with instant karma or people getting what they deserve… he looks like he’d enjoy public freakouts/karens getting what they deserve 😂

Any examples?: nothing specific, maybe CartNarcs? He’d like watching people messing with others and then they end up failing at their pranks or they end up getting served 😅

Melone

What type of humor do they have?: “That’s what she said “/ dirty minded humor & video game humor

How do they laugh?: he starts with a giggle and has a somewhat feminine light laugh. It’s very attractive

Anything you do make them laugh?: when you get frustrated playing video games and falling at them. 😅

You were sitting in front of the tv frustrated. You KNOW if you did enough backwards long jumps in rapid succession you could get through the endless stairs and to the final fight with bowser.

“Ugh… come on! It’s soooo hard!” You moaned in frustration.

“That’s what she said.” Melone snickered as he watched you helplessly try to glitch your way up the stairs.

“Ugh shut it Mel.” You hissed.

You kept trying and trying… no success. Your hands were beginning to cramp up.

“Aaah~! My hands! They’re cramping! Finish already!” You bitched.

“That’s what she said~.” He giggled louder.

“Melone! Not right now!” You barked.

“Now now Y/N… it’s just a game ~” he waved his finger at you.

You got so close, but your hands cramped up and spasmed. You had enough and threw your controller to the side.

“WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!” You screeched. “ I give up!”

“That can be arranged ~” he purred while rubbing your shoulders. “ Calm down Y/N, it’s just a game… if you want you can take frustration out on me if you know what I mean ~.” He said kissing the shell of your ear.

“Sigh. ok, fine.” You giggled. “ You always know how to put me in a better mood.”

What types of videos make them laugh?: video game glitches, bad video game hacks

Any examples?: streamers or lets-players: ex: Vargskelethor, Vinesauce, Jerma, (my top 3 personally!) or overly popular YTubers like Pewdiepie, Markiplier, etc…

Ghiaccio

What type of humor do they have?: typos/ illiteracy/ misheard words

How do they laugh?: he always tries to hold his laughs in a “Pffft” if it’s really funny he wheezes before he laughs hard holding his ribs. It’s rare but he does laugh!

Anything you do make them laugh?: when you struggle to roll your R’s and say an Italian word but in the wrong way.

“Ghia~ can you bring me the pene for the pasta salad?” You asked, chopping the vegetables.

“Pffft what did you say?” He asked holding back a chuckle.

“You know! The pene pasta! The tube shaped pasta with the tip at the ends!” You said trying to be more specific.

“I have a pene but not pene PASTA.” He wheezed. “We have PENNE pasta.”

“Uh duh! That’s what I just said! What’s gotten into you today?” You huffed grabbing the bowl of pasta out of his hands.

“Y/N… Pene and Penne are two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT things.” He chuckled while wiping a tear from his eye.

“They sound the same! You just say the N a microsecond longer. It can’t be THAT funny! So tell me what I’ve been saying!” You whined

“Cock pasta. You said you were making cock pasta. Not very appetizing if you ask me. Penne is what you want to say- that means pen. Hence the pen shape of the pasta.” He snickered.

“So that’s why all the guys were laughing at me when I was raving about pasta arrabiata with penne?! And you didn’t fucking tell me???” You screeched.

The blue haired man crumpled into a laughing mess gripping his sides. “You can’t blame me for that fuck up! It was a perfect Language barrier!”

What types of videos make them laugh?: misheard lyrics and song parodies, Bone-app-the-teeth type compilations

Any examples?: how is prangent formed? Curse of the weggy board

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Don't Blame Me (Smut)

Summary: if there's one thing that makes Hannibal Lecter lose control, is rudeness.

Pairing: Hannibal Lecter x reader, past Alana Bloom x reader (mentioned)

Warnings: Smut!

English is not my first language, if you see any mistake, let me know! It came out a little different than the ask cause I just don't see Hannibal losing his shit like that hahahahah I hope you like it anyway, anon!

Word Count: 2277

It's common knowledge that one must never miss a Lecter soiree. 

Always one of the most expected events of the year, I was lucky and even grateful to be invited. I've known Hannibal since the years on Hopkins, he'd always been Alana's interesting acquaintance, one I never thought I'd catch the attention of. 

Turns out we have more interests in common than I originally thought. He's a skilled artist, so am I. We both enjoy opera, and love to play instruments, mine being mostly flute and oboe. I could still hear the angelic sound of the harpsichord being played half an hour earlier. Impressive how his fingers glided through the keys, how effortlessly he recorded complex tunes to entertain his guests.

"I missed the days that sparkle in your eyes were directed to me" Alana's jest ringed in my ears, making me jump a little. She chuckled. "Look at you all jumpy. Relax, Y/n. He didn't catch you staring."

"Shut up, Lana" I shoved her playfully, sipping the red wine. "Do not get me started on Will Graham and those puppy eyes. He's staring right now, you know. You should give the poor man a chance."

"Okay, I got it. I won't meddle in your affairs anymore."

"There is no affair." I wish there was, I thought to myself, taking another sip of the wine while I eyed Hannibal from afar, talking to an older woman dressed like a peacock. "I…"

"I noticed your glass is nearly empty, so I fetched you another one" a familiar voice came from behind me, and the glass was abruptly removed from my hand and replaced with a fuller one. I contained my desire to roll my eyes once I saw who the intruder was.

"Frederick. Were you also invited or just crashed the party to feast on good things for once?" I teased, narrowing my eyes while looking at the director of the general administrator for Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane. 

"My dear Y/n, I wouldn't dream of it. Of course I was invited. Moreover, I would avoid all this meat if I were you. You never know the provenance, if you know what I mean." He lowered his voice, coming closer and almost whispering in my ear. I could not help to actually roll my eyes this time, turning to face him. "I am, after all, restrained to low protein meat, that is."

"You still believe that silly theory that Hannibal is the Chesapeake Ripper? Please, Chilton. I never deemed you to be clever, but this is plain stupidity." I allowed the alcohol to make me more straightforward, chuckling on my words.

"Sticks and stones, little Y/n. Sticks and stones." Chilton teased, stepping away and going to bother someone else with his presence.

"For god's sake, the man is a burden" I whispered to Alana, who cracked at the comment.

"He has always been like this, you know that. I don't fathom why you always allow him to get under your skin."

"I've known Frederick for longer than you, Lana. Believe me, if you give that man a hand, he will most certainly grab your arm, shoulder and everything else you have to offer. Now, if you excuse me, I shall mingle a little bit more before the dinner actually begins. His interaction gave me a sour taste on my tongue."

I clicked my glass to Alana's, walking around the room and chatting to some people. Uninteresting conversations filled my ears and fake smiles made my lips start to tire out, but as soon as Hannibal's chocolate eyes were on me, I felt my entire demeanour change. 

An idea occurred to me as I walked straight to the balcony, hoping he would join me. The night breeze engulfed me and I realized how trapped I was feeling inside that house, with those judgy stares and meaningless conversations. My wine glass remained untouched as I placed it on the strong wood porch, contemplating the cloudless sky.

"Tired of the good old socialization already?" I grunted when I realized that was not the voice I longed to hear, turning back to face Frederick.

"Careful, Chilton. One might say you are stalking me. As far as I remember, that's still a crime." I crossed my arms to show how much I unappreciated his presence, stepping away until my back was against the balcony.

"Come now, what have I done to deserve so much animosity? We used to be colleagues, friends if I dare to be so bold."

"An old dog with difficulty dropping the dry bone he was once given. Are you really that starved, Frederick? That's pitiful." I was aware of how indelicate I was getting, but he was starting to bother me immensely. "If there's one thing you are not, it's bold. Arrogant and extremely annoying, yes. Can't stand to hear a loud no? That checks, too. One must always let go of the past if we wish to evolve. God knows I have."

He dismissed everything I said with a slight wave of his hand, getting closer. I could smell the faint scent of whiskey, imagining that, after the loss of some of his organs, he probably would get drunk much easier. He tried to reach me with his free hand, but awkwardly dropped my glass, causing it to crash a few meters down. 

We were alone and a little far from the other guests. The balcony's door was closed shut. I felt my hands start to tremble a bit, and realized I had to get out of there before things could get out of hand.

"Seriously, Frederick?" I snarled, rolling my eyes. "Playtime is over. Let me through, I'm getting out of here."

"Y/n, I…" he held my wrist with considerable strength, making me gasp. I tried to pull away but he was strong, and before I could snap and finally throw the punch he deserved, a low, deep voice echoed.

"I believe you heard the lady clearly, Dr. Chilton." There was a different gleam in Hannibal's eyes, and I wasn't the only one to notice. Frederick turned paler, letting go of my wrist with haste. "I think you should go. You've had too much wine, I see."

He hesitated, but agreed with a nod, leaving the balcony without looking back. Hannibal stared at him through his shoulder darkly and I released the breath I was holding, my knees would have given out if Hannibal had not held me discreetly, supporting my weight with an arm around my waist.

"Are you okay, Y/n?" He inquired, one hand lifting my face so I could look at him. I was so embarrassed. "Do you need a place to rest?"

"Not at all, Hannibal. Do not worry about me, it was just a fright and the wine. I cannot steal the host of his guests."

"Nonsense. Come, I will take you to the guest bedroom. We can enter through the kitchen, so no one will see your state. Please" he pointed to the other door, showing that there was no space to argue, and I just surrendered, allowing him to guide me through the vast kitchen filled with employees working to the elegant guest bedroom, shutting the door behind us. 

I sat on the comfortable mattress, appreciating the shades of cream and white, and the beautiful vintage-like furniture that seemed to complement the place perfectly. I realized then that Hannibal had fallen silent, and I stared at him with worry. He had turned his back to me, leaning on the dresser, breathing a little heavier.

"Hannibal?" I called, getting up and walking towards him, reaching out with my hand on his shoulder. His face was impassive, but he had that same look in his eyes again, something ancient and darker that wides his pupils and pierces his lips tightly.  I allow myself to reach deeper, caressing his strong arm and feeling the muscles tense under his suit. "What is it?"

"He dared to touch you like that" he pointed in a cold tone. "Like you are someone else's property."

My eyes softened as I felt some butterflies in my stomach, and I took the liberty to grab his chin, kissing his cheek tenderly in appreciation.

"Forget about Frederick, he is immature and arrogant. I will call him tomorrow to address this matter."

He still had that predatorial look in his eyes that gave me shivers, though not the way it should. Something in being that much protected by him made me feel dear and precious like an exotic pearl. 

He would not give in, and I felt bold enough to once more kiss his handsome face, this time on his jawline, near his left ear. That caught his attention, and he towered over me, cradling my face with his enormous hands, making my eyes tremble with the feeling of electricity that flowed through my veins. With no hesitation, his lips crashed against mine, and I moaned into his mouth, the hunger for him making my loins combust. 

"I have wanted this for so long…" I murmured against his neck, his fancy perfume invading my nostrils. He smelled so good. 

"As did I, Y/n. You have been in my thoughts a great deal lately" he confessed, making me blush. Impostor syndrome trying to kick in, I avoid the self-degrading thoughts as I delight in his open mouthed kisses in my skin, gasping in pleasure when he lightly bites my shoulder, enjoying it more than I ever thought I would.

"Your guests…" I tried to be reasonable, a dirty smile playing on my lips.

"The dinner will take a little while longer, I'm afraid" he whispered in my ear, nibbling on the lobe with a mischievous deep chuckle. He lifted my dress to my waist, since we didn't really have that much time to spare, and I got rid of my panties, almost tripping on them with my heels and the rush. 

His hand went to my core, testing how wet I was, and he smiled with how soaked I felt. A loud moan echoed through the room and he removed his hand at once, lifting one finger at me as he would chastise a child. I frowned with frustration, lifting my chin to face him.

"We are not supposed to be too loud, Y/n. You do not want the guests to hear us, do you? Imagine the scandal" that made me laugh with pure bliss, nodding in agreement. "Are you going to be a good girl?"

Oh, fuck. Is this really happening?

"Yes. Yes, I will" I agreed in haste, and he effortlessly lifted me up, sitting me on the dresser and starting to unzip his pants. I tried to control my breathing and anticipation, pleasuring myself with the vision of his hard cock, precum glistening at the tip. He massaged it with his hand for a few seconds before he towered over me, holding my hips in place while he entered me so painfully slowly I nearly sobbed.

To avoid the loud moans, I bit my left fist, suppressing the sounds as my insides clenched to accommodate him. A joyful smile illustrated his lips, his hair falling over his eyes due to the sweat, and he looked like a Greek statue. I could not avoid the mesmerized stare, melting in admiration, as he leaned to cover my lips with his own one more time, his tongue exploring my mouth like he was famished. Still slowly, he started to move his hips, almost both torturing and indulging me at the same time. I entangled my legs around him, pulling him closer to the point one could swear we were one. He moaned my name, followed by an almost savage growl that sent vibrations through my entire body and, for a while, I regretted how little time we had. He seemed to sense that, rushing his movements until the dresser started to hit the wall and, for a moment, I was certain everyone outside could hear us. 

So much for discretion, I thought, grabbing his broad shoulders while he inserted himself deeper and deeper inside of me. His thumb began to stimulate my clit and, sensing I would begin to cry out at any moment, Hannibal silenced me with his lips, allowing me to moan against his mouth as I felt the tension start to build up in my lower abdomen.

I felt him pull out his cock, replacing it with his skilled fingers, finishing on my thighs. I followed him right after, covering my mouth until my moans were unsteady breaths. 

I hadn't even realized Hannibal had left until he came back from the suite with a hot towel, starting to clean me up. I thanked him with a sweet kiss, doing my best to fix his clothes and hair. We both knew it wouldn't do any good, but he enjoyed my caresses and how I took care of him as well. He took one of my hands — the one Chilton grabbed like a brute earlier — and kissed my wrist, right where small purple bruises began to form. 

"We should go back. Who is going to serve dinner? We're being unforgivably selfish" I taunted, chuckling lightly.

"Perhaps you should be my dinner, then" he jested, and I openly laughed, shoving him playfully.

"Later. If you'll have me, that is." I lifted my eyebrows with expectation, staring at his brown irises.

"It would be my pleasure, Y/n" with a last kiss, he went to the bathroom suite to fix his appearance, leaving me with a silly smile and a warm feeling in my chest.

[babybluebex]

Ryd and N Side by Steve Lacy make me think of Dom (specifically in college)

oh college!dom is a continuous thought, like meeting him at a frat party (bc i can only imagine what greek life at cmu is like, bc my small tiny university's greek life is WILD) and like maybe he's in your bio lecture or something so you know he's around and you think he's super cute but you've never actually spoken bc there's like 60 people in your bio lecture but anyway, you see him at this frat party and you lock eyes from across the room and you hold his gaze for longer than you might've usually, but you had a beer in your hand and you were feeling pretty good so your confidence was somewhere else

and he starts to cross the room, obviously coming over to you, and your friend grabs your arm "holy shit!" and you're like "wuh??" and she goes "is that dominic sessa?" "who?" you ask, like doubly like who are you talking about? and who is dominic sessa? and your friend goes "the guy in the flannel shirt walking this way, he's an actor, and he's really good, and he's super hot, but i didn't think he was back on campus yet—" "oh, a theater student, whatever" you scoff and your friend is QUICK to correct you "no, dude, he was in a movie that was nominated for an oscar. he's got like a bafta or something, he's famous!" and at about that moment, dom approaches you, and you see that he has his own red plastic cup in his hand, his dab pen in the other, flannel and wolf tshirt and dirty white sneakers and messy hair, and he's so smooth and easy "you're in my bio lecture, right?" he asks and your friend about dies "uh, yeah" you nod, aware of your friend's heart attack happening as she grips your arm "you're... i know your name, i swear, you sit towards the back of the hall..." "i do" he says "you sit in the front row" "i do" you echo "sorry, it's, ah, not coming to me... i've had a little bit to drink" "no sweat" he chuckles easily "i'm dom" "that's right" you nod and you quickly tell him your name and introduce your friend, and dom nods and smiles at her, but he's focused on you the whole time (specifically your lips, and you're so glad your friend talked you into wearing lipstick and actually dressing up for the party) "you wanna go outside?" dom asks "i wanna smoke, and i can't really hear myself think in here" "sure" you nod, and your friend smiles at you and takes the hint "oh, i think see my friend over there! i'm gonna go say hi!" and leaves you and dom to navigate through the cramped house party and out to the front porch of the frat house, where it's significantly quieter and cooler than inside

"that's better" and he sinks into one of the fabric patio chairs, taking a pull on his pen, and when he speaks, the smoke curls off his lips in a way that makes your back stiffen "nothing against kid cudi, but..." and you laugh and occupy the chair across from him "do you live on campus?" and you nod "barton hall" (listen i KNOW cmu doesn't have a dorm called barton, dON'T YELL AT ME) and dom scoffs "what?! i'm not a freshman, barton isn't just a freshman dorm, it's just mostly a freshman dorm" "no, no, that's not why i'm laughing" dom chuckles "i, uh... the high school i went to was a boarding school, and the dorm i lived in senior year was called barton" "oh wow" and you lean forward with the intention of hearing him better, but he starts to pass you his pen "oh, no thanks" "cool" he mumbles "what's your major?" and you tell him, trying to reel in your geeky overexplanation of your field of study, whatever it may be, and he laughs his goofy little gasping laugh "wow, that's awesome" "what about you?" you ask, and he sorta goes a little red "acting" he says "theater, performance art, whatever you wanna call it..." "wow" you breath, and your friend's words circle in your head, how he allegedly won a bafta ("or something") and you decide to play it cool— you're sure millions of girls fawn over him every day for his work, and even though your ignorance is real, you don't want to give him the impression that you're only talking to him because of that (even though you're not) "what do you wanna do with that?" "see, that's the question" dom says "my granddad asks me that every time i see him, he doesn't get it, yknow? but that's what i wanna do— that's what i currently do, i just wanna understand the technique better and how to be a better actor" "currently?" you ask with confusion and dom bites his lip and lets it slowly release, obviously mulling over something in his head, but he doesn't answer you "you hungry?" he asks suddenly "i'm starving" and you shrug "i could eat" but his avoidance sets the mood for the rest of the night: he doesn't wanna talk about his job, so you won't

and you decide to walk to a nearby little joint, neither of you are in much state to drive and the buses stopped running for the night, and it's nice, just the two of you, sharing stories and getting to know each other, and he's a genuinely really great guy, pays attention to you when you talk and expresses excitement in stuff you're obviously interested in, he asks a question about your major and you're like "oh, that's like complicated, it gets into the technical weeds and shit of the field" and he shrugs "i'm an acting major. i'll never know that sorta stuff if you don't tell me. weed away" and like his hands are all over you, but in a nice way, hand pushed into your back pocket or arm around your shoulders, subtle signs to the guys you pass on the sidewalk there that, at least for that moment, you're his and when you get to the place, it's essentially a little hole in the wall, buzzy fluorescent lights and high tables and some tinny radio from the back playing rap music, and you order first, just a cheeseburger and fries and a coke, and dom gently pushes you aside before you can dig your card out of your pocket to pay and goes on with his order, looking at the menu sign, and he sorta scoffs "yeah, cheeseburger, fries... shit, why not, and a miller high life" and you get seated and you're playfully frowning at him "you didn't have to do that" "do what?" "pay for my food" and he shrugs "a gentleman can't just sit idly by and watch a pretty girl pay" "oh, is that what you are? a gentleman?" and you ball up the paper straw wrapper and lob it at him and he laughs "aren't i?" he asks "i suppose so" and you roll your eyes "but i doubt your judgement" "on what possible grounds?" and you eye the glass bottle of beer he's got in his grip "really??" "ok, y'know what, i have a valid argument" he starts and you playfully chastise him that no argument makes it ok to drink that shitty beer, and he goes "baby, they call it the champagne of beers for a reason!" and you register that he called you baby, but you don't comment on it "not valid, try again" and he sighs playfully "it's a joke i have with my-my uncle" and you notice the tripping over his words, but again you say nothing "do you have insta?" you ask, changing the subject, and dom swallows down a mouthful of miller "nah" he says quickly, and you get that sense of avoidance again, shaking his head "i've got snap, though" "well, let's get that, then" you tell him and start to grab your phone from your pocket "why? you wanna text me after tonight?" he asks with a smarmy little crooked smile "only to ask about our work for bio" you tease him

and you think the night's gonna be over after you eat, it's getting to be a little late, and he sorta takes your fingers in his as you leave the little joint, and he asks "you live on campus?" "you already asked me that" you say "i live in barton, remember?" "fuck, right" dom nods "got a roommate?" "yes" you nod, sensing what his next few questions will be "and she's part of the, like, catholic students association, so... might be best to go to your place" "oh, what?" dom asks "what would we do at your dorm that your catholic roommate wouldn't approve of?" and somehow his awkward big eyes and wolf tshirt and all sharp angles of the elbows and knees have totally disrupted your state of mind, because for once in your life, you're bold "i can think of a few things" you tell him, and dom tilts his head at you, that same crooked smile crossing his plush lips "name one" he says, and his finger touches your chin, keeping you from averting your gaze "alright" you say "i'd really really like your dick inside me, and i sorta don't think she'd appreciate that" "my place is good" dom says quickly, and you laugh as he whips an arm around your shoulders

and you get back to his place, a small apartment where he assures you that his flatmates are either gone or won't hear you, and you can hardly take in the sparse, college-boy decorating job in the front room before he's tugging you down the hall to a room with a little nametag taped to the door that says ANGUS TULLY in big, bold letters, and you start to comment that like?? is that his room?? that's not his name on the door?? but he's closing the door with his foot and kissing up on your neck before you can say anything, and you let yourself melt into his arms

he gently situates you on his bed and shucks off his flannel, and your hands fumble at his belt, and you groan a little "too dark, i can't see shit" and dom chuckles and leans over and flicks on his lamp, and your gaze follows his hand as it retracts from the nightstand, and you're met with the imposing feature of a large, silver, metal thing tucked behind his lamp, it's difficult to see from the angle you're at, but it's certainly there, and you furrow your eyebrows at it

and dom follows your eyes, and he sorta deflates, it's very obvious he had hoped that you wouldn't see the trophy, and he swallows hard "oh, um—" and you sit up a little to get a better look at the engraving on the base: DOMINIC SESSA - BEST YOUNG ACTOR, and in smaller font below it, CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS 2024

or something, as your friend had said. he didn't have a bafta, but he certainly had an award. you can tell that he's a little uncomfortable, his hands suddenly more fidgety than before, and you look back at him before you cup the back of his neck and pull him into a kiss, and he doesn't do anything weird, he kisses you completely normally, his hands smoothing down your hips and thighs to wrap your legs around his waist, and he breaks the kiss "fuck, m'sorry... i have to know what you're thinking about after you just saw that fucking thing"

and you sorta laugh "i'm thinking that i don't really care too much" you tell him "you're a cool guy, and i don't— i didn't recognize you when we first started talking, so... whatever, y'know? so what if my friend has an oscar?"

"first of all" and he steals a kiss and his hand slinks down to rub at you through your jeans "friend? i'm wounded, baby. and also, that's not an oscar, it's a critics choice award, they're two very different things—"

"whatever! i'm not a movie person!" you giggle "but why do you keep it on your bedside table? to impress all the girls you bring home?"

"well, you're the first" he says "are you impressed?"

"it's kinda freaking me out, to be honest" you tell him, and he huffs out a laugh

"we can put it away" he says and he gets up and grabs it like it's no big, and moves to his closet and puts it on a shelf before closing the door back "and it was there because my mom facetimed me last night and asked to see it, and i just didn't put it back"

and he comes back to you and starts to tug down your jeans while he kisses you, and he playfully whispers "you're all quiet now. want me to fix that for you?" "can you?" you ask him, and he smiles "i will" he says "if you tell me one thing" "which is?" and a flicker of something hints behind his eyes "you really didn't know who i was when i came up to you?" and you shake your head "you haven't seen the movie? or, like, even heard about me?" "wow, someone's got an ego suddenly" you scoff "i told you, i'm not a movie person. i haven't even seen that barbie movie that was really big last year" "oh, ok, hold on" he starts "i get not seeing my pretentious movie about grief and shit like that, it's not everyone's first choice, but barbie?! you haven't seen barbie?!" "dude, fuck off!" you giggle "do you wanna have sex or not?" "i do!" dom says quickly "but hand me my phone first" "why?" you ask, and feel around underneath you to where dom had discarded the stuff from his pockets, and you pass him his phone "i..." he starts, using both hands to type quickly, and your hands go to his belt, resuming the job you had started "am texting... ryan... and telling him about this..." "ryan...?" you ask "gosling" dom says casually and you look at him in confusion "he played ken?" and at your blank stare, he playfully sighs "you're killing me here, baby" "what're you telling him?" you ask, and dom tosses his phone aside "that i've got an absolute hottie in my bed right now" he says, going for your neck "and that she doesn't know who the fuck he is. you think i've got a big ego?" "well" you start, and his jeans come loose, and you push your hand in, past the band of his boxers, and you gently bite his bottom lip "guess you've got a reason, don't you?"

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[sorensolsikke]

it's pretty hard to accept as a kind of spiritual otherkin, but my mental view of my dragonkin's look is strongly affected by the media i was exposed to when i was a child, and my dragon fan phase was emerging.

so this is how i look. i drew this reference sheet recently, giving it many thoughts.

but the longer i look, the more similarities i find.

my scales are definitely blue with white belly because of saphira from the eragon movie – and books that i read as soon as i knew how to read. not even talking about the form of her neck and ratios of her body. i wanted to be like saphira more than anything, tho i hated her feathery wings in the movie (which was crap anyways. don't tell that to my five year old self tho.)

the form/colour of my wings, the narrowness of my face, my thorns and especially, the thorn under my chin seem to come from drago from bakugan (which series had been playing on cartoon network when i was very little, and needless to say, was my absolute favourite as a kid.) drago had been the comfort character through the first half of my life. i have so many drawings of him from kindergarten btw.

i was way too small when my favourite movie was the chamber of secrets (any harry potter movie is terrifying when you watch it as a three years old tbh.) anyways, the basilisk was my very first obsession. i got its teeth and form of mouth, i am just not good at drawing it. also, the lump of it's neck under the chin. this is the only harry potter part that i like. would have been even better if the basilisk were to survive.

lastly, the general outlook of myself was mostly formed by the book dragonology and the httyd books. i read through those again and again, like it was my religion. i am sure these gave me my round scales and and spikes.

i know definitely that since i can remember, i looked exactly like this. and somehow, i am still not certain if i were to watch other movies and read other books, i could have looked different, and that messes up my mind. sometimes i question myself with so unnecessary questions: was i really born like this? if not, why did i create this image? am i just a very enthusiastic fan? and even tho i know the answers don't even matter to me, the doubt still is my loyal company. something something i am just a gallery of all the things i have ever loved and shit

[oh-no-its-bird]

after reading your izuna tobi time travel rambles I can't help but think about them just crashing the middle of a council meeting 😭 everyone is shook, and absolutely flabbergasted and ngl they kind of just.. Want the two to stay? (Well, mostly Tobi's old subordinates/students because they feel partially sad and sentimental and OH MY GOD IS THAT FOURTEEN YEAR OLD TOBIRAMA?!?) And then the psycho Hashirama timeline is just amazinggg I can't stop thinking about it you're actually infecting my brain bro

NO BC IVE BEEN THINKING NONSTOP ABOUT THAT EXACT SCENARIO LATLEY MYSELF !! The brain worms are spreading...

(Cont. From this post for those without context)

Every other time Tobirama and Izuna enter a world where it's modern Konoha, they start taking bets about which one of them died there. Funny bit where Izuna says smthn about how there quote, "aren't nearly enough crazy nightmare trees and brainwashed people for you to have died here" (bc 9 times out of 10 in worlds where Tobirama dies Hashirama loses it to a spectacular degree that leaves a VERY visable mark on Konoha)

Actually, taking that thought, it could be fun if they got dropped into a seemingly normal Konoha only to find out that hey Tobirama did die in this one, but it seems to be the 1 out of 10 that Hashi was able to stay sane

Only nope!! Surprise attack!! He's just really really good at pretending to be normal and when they try to leave he plays his hand, lots of fire and explosions ensue and they just barley escape

Izuna and Tobirama are SO tired of people trying to force them to stay in places, theyve had Madara do it they've had Hashirama do it, maybe they even had alternate versions of eachother do it. They !! Want !! To go !! Home !!!!

Also you can't tell me that seeing a young version of them specifically would hit Madara/Hashi harder than any revived adult version could. They're lowkey the "idealized" versions of their brothers, still small and in need of being protected, not consumed with anger and burdened by the things they've done and seen in the war. They're silly little guys!! And they're slamming on ALL the "Oh god I need to protect my little brother" buttons, it's sooo bad

Anyways, them crashing into a council meeting after quite a few different rounds of dimension hopping. Meaning they really don't give a shit ab destroying anything bc they've already come to the conclusion that it's too late to be worrying ab any potential side effects of fucking with possible time lines.

They're immediatley diving across the table making grabby hands at their friendly ball of interdimensional light as it floats off, trying to go for it as soon as they land before it wanders off and they're left having to hunt for it.

I need you to picture these 2 kids just DIVING across a table of important clan people shouting smthn ab DO NOT TOUCH THAT FUCKING LIGHT

They miss it and it dissapears through a wall rip

Maybe they end up slamming into it trying to catch it for comedy effect actually

Other than just sentimentality there's also definatley a tactical standpoint of trying to get them to stay

That's THE Senju Tobirama, second Hokage, white demon and inventor of a fuck ton of jutsus. And also Izuna, who is much less known here to his (by now used to it in these kinds of world) displeasure

All young and untrained and perfect for grooming into a loyal konoha shinobi, ready to grow into his prime by careful hands who knows exactly what he could become

How much more terrifying could he be, if trained specifically by someone who knows his talents, shown his own research to build off of and given all sorts of modern tools he never had before

And also Izuna is still there and he's so fucking sick of being underestimated rn guys what the fuck he's cool too

Anyways the second Tobirama and Izuna hear "hahaha maybe you should stay a little longer..." they're BOLTING

They've heard that song and dance like 20 times now they know the warning signs and you seem nice but they are NOT risking another 'secret yandere' situation again, goodbye.

Their only saving grace is that respect and sentimentality does win out here in letting them go without too much arguing, no matter how valuable they might be. Got lucky this time around, might not be so lucky the next

[imsobadatnicknames2]

Not following you for ttrpg opinions myself, but your last reblog has got me curious, what do you mean with "roll playing vs role playing"?

A lot of people like to use the term "role-players" to refer to players and GMs who favor ignoring game mechanics for the sake of narrative, and use (often derisively) the term "roll-players" to refer to people who Don't Do That, with the implicit or (more often than not) explicit value judgement that "roll-playing" is an inherently inferior playstyle for dumb grognards who can't appreciate the depth of storytelling.

I think the distinction is silly. I've seen people ciriticize "rollplayers" for "thinking mechanics should trump roleplaying" but like. Engaging with the mechanics is ALSO roleplaying. These people seem to have a narrow view of "roleplaying" that exclusively includes playing out social encounters through improv. (E.g. a lot of people say shit like "Oh in my game we rarely do combat, we mostly roleplay, there are sessions where we don't touch the dice at all!")

Ultimately I think this belief comes from the way a lot of people seem to uncritically accept the idea that roleplaying and mechanics are mutually exclusive because mechanics "get in the way of the story" and that this is a normal and expected part of RPGs (and not a clear sign that you're playing the wrong game for the kind of story you want to experience).

Anyway my point is that the word "roll-player" was probably a pretty witty zinger the first time someone said it forty-something years ago and it should have stayed that instead of becoming part of some people's entire philosophy for how ttrpgs should be played.

[dumb-hat]

alternate: What would your OC's alternate universe look be? If they're a fantasy character, what's their modern look? If they're sci-fi, what's their fantasy look? What AU would you want to see your OC in, and how would they dress themself? Bonus: Prompt an AU! (Really expecting an Exalted answer here...)

Okay, goddammit. I'll do it. I'll do the damn thing.

So here's the issue, right: I love Exalted. I really, really love Exalted. Some of my best friendships have been made across a table where we played that game. A lot of the ones that weren't made by Exalted were made better by Exalted. Aside from a few breaks here and there, the game's been a big part of my life ever since it came out in 2001. I'm running an Exalted game right now, and I'll be running more soon.

So of course I've spent a lot of time figuring out where Evander could fit into all of that. Hell, I've done that across multiple editions, at this point. I'm going to stop myself short of doing an entire Exalted-focused rewrite of his character history, but trust me, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it.

(Okay, okay... Fine. tl;dr: Replace Limsa Lominsa with Wu-Jian, you should probably replace Ishgard with a Northern satrapy to the Scarlet Empire, but I'm gonna swap it with Whitewall because I love Whitewall, then replace Ul'dah with Chiaroscuro... again, mostly because I love Chiaroscuro. If none of that makes sense, feel free to ask me about it and I will give entirely too much context. I will give so much context that you will hate me.)

Anyway... The quickest question to ask and answer regarding an Exalted AU Evander is "What kind of Exalted is he, anyway?"

Okay, quickest isn't the right word, or we wouldn't be here. But it's the question that people would ask if we were actually talking about it, so it's the question we're going to answer. There's... There's a lot of places to go with this. Depending on which edition you're going with and how you want to slice things up, there's like... anywhere from 5 to 10 different playable kinds of Exalted, and even then, you can break some of those down into like... subgroups and stuff. My point here is... I'm going to exercise some restraint and not go into each one.

I'm going to do three and whittle it down to one.

So, maybe the most obvious option would be to say he's a Solar Exalted. Solars are the chosen of the Unconquered Sun, the King of Heaven, the god of virtue and excellence. His chosen are champions and exemplars among humanity, and their legendary deeds are backed up by ambition and limitless potential. They're just fucking good at stuff. Given how much Evander likes to design and tinker with shit, and how much he loves just knowing stuff, it'd be tempting to go a bit against type and call him a Twilight Caste, the Solars who are chosen to be sages and scholars among their peers... But nah, he's an obvious Night Caste. Night Caste Solars are the shadowy left hand of the Unconquered Sun, acting decisively from the shadows. They're your superspies, superthieves and superassassins... And if we wanted to take the easy route, your SuperEvanders.

The Solar Exalted are my favorites, but I think it might be more fun to imagine him as one of the Dragon-Blooded, whose family lines have been chosen by the Elemental Dragons to wield their elemental gifts. They differ from Celestial Exalted (like the Solars, and another type that we'll get into soon) in that their power is not passed down through reincarnation, but through bloodlines and dynasties. Individually, the average Dragon-Blooded will be less powerful than your average Celestial Exalted (if either could be said to exist), but they're way more numerous. Exalted traditionally recognizes five elements within the setting of Creation: Air, Earth, Fire, Water and Wood. It wouldn't be a stretch to make him out to be an idealistic, innovative Air Aspect, a quick-witted and passionate Fire Aspect, or a hedonistic, thrill-seeking Wood Aspect, but I don't think any of those are a perfect fit. Personally, I think if we're making a Dragon-Blooded Evander, he works best as a Water Aspect: Like water, capable of calm stillness, or relentless, torrential waves; able to adapt to any circumstances, able to find weaknesses in the tiniest gaps.

Solars and Dragon-Blooded are both pretty easy, though. Lets get a little weird. We're not going to go full weird; like, we're not making him a communist war robot hero who will eventually become a city, and we're not making him a weird hero-from-another-world-that-doesn't-exist-because-his-strand-of-destiny-was-cut-from-the-loom-of-fate, heck, we won't even make him a spite-and-fury-powered punk rock prince of Hell. We're only gonna go, like, half-weird in Exalted terms.

We're gonna make him a Sidereal Exalted.

The Sidereal Exalted are chosen by one of the five Maidens of Fate: Mercury (The Maiden of Journeys), Venus (The Maiden of Serenity), Mars (The Maiden of Battles), Jupiter (The Maiden of Secrets) and Saturn (The Maiden of Endings). The Sidereal Exalted operate out of the heavenly city of Yu-Shan, where they work as a part of the Bureau of Destiny, a division within the Celestial Bureaucracy tasked with making sure that the destinies planned by Heaven come to pass to ensure safety and stability for all who dwell within Creation.

It's like the 36th Chamber of Shaolin meets the Adjustment Bureau. It's like Journey to the West meets Office Space.

It's amazing.

And it feels like a weird fit for Evander! As far as FFXIV characters go, he's pretty down-to-earth. He's not a god-killer; hell, he's barely a people killer! He doesn't channel the vast power of Hydaelyn, he doesn't roam other reflections; he's... he's just a little guy, who mostly gets in trouble and cares way too much about stuff while trying to pretend he doesn't. He's defined more by his connections to the people and the world around him (and his desire for those connections) than he is anything else, which is why he's the perfect candidate to be a Chosen of Serenity.

Also, I apparently love making him miserable, which is why he's the absolute perfect candidate for Sidereal Exaltation, because... well, the Sidereals are kinda fucked as far as that whole connection thing goes. The Sidereal Exalted are subject to arcane fate, a curse which dooms them to be forgotten by most, as it conspires to erase memories and records of the Sidereals alike. Sure, other Sidereals, many gods, and the occasional other Exalt (or rare exceptionally tricky mortal) might remember you, but the rank and file? Nah, you'll be forever forgotten. Trying to forge those connections that are oh-so-important to him would be like swimming upstream against the current of inevitable loneliness.

Venus, the Maiden of Serenity, oversees relationships of all kinds... And it's worth pointing out that societies, in this case, are kinda just like really, really big relationships, aren't they? Venus' chosen are entrusted with making sure that things under her eye unfold according to Heaven's will. They struggle to bring joy, peace, prosperity and (of course) serenity to a world drowning in chaos.

...

So, I was originally going to actually fill out a character sheet and out that here, but then I looked and realized that it's almost 4 AM, and, like... I have to work in the morning and then actually run some Exalted in the evening, so... I'm gonna pass on that, actually.

For now.

But, uh, yeah. So, Exalted AU: Evander's a Chosen of Serenity, I guess.

Ask me stuff! oc asks: character design edition

(If anyone ever wants to talk Exalted, omg please please, I'm right here, I'll do it. I love this shit)