#jjba melone x reader

[berylcups]

La Squadra x Reader - How they act when they get a crush 💕

CW: dirty internet search history, gossip, wound mention

Notes: Hey~ I’m finally back making content! I’m probably not gonna make them as frequently as I used to but that’s because I want to really focus on quality. I missed yall! I hope this one works out well! I hope you have a happy Valentine day weekend 💜 even if you’re single like me, at least you can be delulu like me and pretend that you’re in a committed relationship with one of these guys! Enjoy- 💜 Beryl

Risotto

He’s emotionally stunted but he feels a strong connection to you. He tries his damn hardest to get in your good graces just so he can be in your thoughts for at least a second. So he tries to get your attention any time he can.

“Y/N…Can I get your thoughts on this? Who do you think would be a good fit for this target? You have a good sense on the men’s abilities and how compatible they are together.” He guided you to his chair and looked over the information on his laptop.

“Hmm… I think Pesci and Formaggio might be best for this mission. With how laidback he is he probably would keep Pesci from getting nervous and botching the mission. I also think Pesci would be a good distraction while Formaggio sneaks up and...” You explained.

“That’s a very good idea. I think I will try your idea. Even if the target is a stand user, they’re both crafty enough to get the job done and get out in one piece.” He calmly praised your suggestion.

In addition to seeking out your advice, he would show some slight favoritism. He’d make sure you’d have a spot at the couch or get an extra seat for you, open the door for you, hold the umbrella when your both walking when it rains… he’s subtle, but it should be obvious to even the most oblivious teammate that he’s fallen for them.

Also…if you have a keen eye, you might see an appearance from Metallica themselves. If you get a knick when shaving, or accidentally cut yourself while prepping food, you might see them show up in your wound trying to sew you back up. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt ❤️

Formaggio

This guy tries to make an effort to get to know you once he has a crush on you. He’ll stop using meaningless pet names and call you by your real name.

“It’s Y/N right? Why don’t you come over and sit with us? There’s a beer with your name on it! You gotta tell the guys how you got rid of that target, it’s hilarious!”

He uses your name and learns what your favorite drinks and songs are but what doesn’t change are the cheesy pick up lines. That’s his bread and butter, he’s very transparent with how he feels about you!

“Did it hurt?” He asked slyly.

“Did what hurt Maggio?” You raised your eyebrow in confusion.

“Y’know—did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” He purred.

“Pfft—stop. Not again with the shitty pick ups!” You giggled.

Illuso

When he realizes he likes you he stops teasing you… maliciously. He still going to tease because he refuses to address his own feelings but he slowly opens up…through his teasing.

“Aww poor Y/N, still so tired? Didn’t get enough sleep? Well luckily for you I took the liberty of getting you vitamin B12 supplements and your favorite energy drink. I’m not such a bad guy aren’t I?” He said smugly, pushing the items in your arms.

“Thank you..?” You aren’t sure if he’s being nice or being rude but he gave you exactly what you needed. Is this how he teases you now?

He also will gossip with you to try to get a little closer to you. “Keep it between us but… I took a look at Pesci’s internet history. You’ll never guess what the little sicko looked up.” He whispered in you ear as you both looked at him being berated by Prosciutto. “He’s into ________ and ________ with ________.” He snickered in your ear.

“Ugh.” You grimaced and hit Illusos shoulder. “You ruined my entire image of the boy! …you’d think he’d know how to clear his browser history.” You whispered back.

Pesci

You think he would get nervous once he realizes he likes you but surprisingly he doesn’t. Not when he seeks his big bro for guidance. He does whatever he can to show off his talents to you! Regardless of your size he’ll pick you up and carry you during missions and do tricks with Beachboy to show how he can take out 2 targets at once.

He’ll even be eager to help you out with tasks that take some extra strength. It was your turn to vacuum clean the base.(lucky you) thankfully, Pesci was around and happy to help.

“Hey Y/N! Watch this!” He excitedly picked up the couch with one arm.

“Jesus Pesci! That’s amazing! But use both hands please. I don’t want to have to explain to Risotto why there’s a huge hole in the wall in case you lose grip on it.” You slightly panicked as you quickly swept the area where the couch was.

“Don’t worry, if anything happens I’ll take the blame for it.” He reassured you. “I’m used to get getting yelled out by big bro.” He lightly joked as he put the couch down.

“Now time to get the cobwebs off the ceiling…” you barely had time to finish your sentence before you felt a big pair of arms around you pick you up and bring you close enough to the ceiling. “Pesci~” you whined. “ I don’t need help with everything~”

“I know. But I want to.” He beamed.

Prosciutto

Regardless whether he has feelings for you or not it’s a little hard to tell with the way he treats you. He goes from scolding you for doing something he deems dangerous or tells you how he thinks you should do something. He does this because he cares and wants the best for you! The only way you can tell he feels soft on you is that he’s a little bit gentler when he’s giving you a speech.

“Look Y/N… I don’t want to come off as harsh but you NEED to stop staying up so damn late. I can tell you aren’t getting enough sleep because you are getting dark circles under your eyes and you are yawning all the time. We need to make some changes.” He began.

“Aww come on… you know I hate going to bed early.” You whined.

“Hey…no whining. This is for your health. And you have such a pretty/attractive face, we don’t want it to be sullied by those dark circles. So from now on, you’re going to go by my schedule and I’m going to supervise you on missions…and…” it went through one ear and out the other as you stared into those big intense blue eyes of his.

“Oh ok…” you muttered, still hypnotized by his eyes.

“Great! Now repeat back everything I said.” He said pleased.

“Uh…um…”

“Sigh…god damn it Y/N.” His rare smile turned into a disappointed frown.

Melone

Mel is still a perv but when he realizes he genuinely loves you he actively tries to treat you respectfully. He actually looks you in the eyes when you have conversations and they don’t drift down to your chest/crotch.

“Ah, sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to look at you that way. But you are wearing a nice shirt. Is that (brand name)?” He asked bashfully.

“It’s okay Mel. You’ve been doing such a good job with the staring problem. A passing glance to look at my clothes isn’t a crime. Yeah, it is (brand name). I’m surprised you noticed.”

“I’ve been paying attention to your fashion tastes and seeing how they relate to your horoscope… and according to my findings it’s on point! To further test my theory, I want to go clothes shopping with you. Actual clothes shopping…”

Ghiaccio

When he starts developing feelings for you and wants to win you over he tries his hardest not to yell in your presence or at you if you mess a word up.

“This mission will be easy as pie!” You said confidently forgetting that Ghiaccio hated those meaningless idioms. “Oh shit-sorry Ghia ignore that please.”

“No no it’s okay. I’m not mad. But you know I never did understand that saying…” he pondered. “What does easy as pie even mean? Is it because it’s easy to eat desserts?”

This caused you to really think hard about the things you and others say on a daily basis. “Yeah… that’s actually a good question. I guess so, dessert is easy to eat because it’s tasty.”

“Hmm maybe to most people but I take resentment to that saying. I’m not a fan of sweets. So easy as pie isn’t easy for me. It would be as easy as arrabbiata for me personally.” He said.

“I don’t think easy as arrabbiata rolls off the tongue as easily as pie.” You giggled.

“Ok…Now I do have a problem with that idiom. What the hell rolls off a tongue?”

[twiixr4kidz]

had a specific vision of giving the members of la squadra hugs......... have me being sappy over my boys

shoutout to those of you who followed during my naranchuu days when i was just a jjba blog LMAO (when my requests open back up please send me jojo asks i miss writing for jjba) (also assume that sorbet and gelato are still together in this i just wrote them seperately for the sake of giving them personalities outside of each other)

risotto nero:

a hug from the capo is a special thing to get.

they're suffocating in the best way from just how tall and strong he is

he'll let you bury your face into his chest as his fingers run through your hair

he always smells so comforting; he smells like home

some of his hugs will be coupled with a kiss on the forehead

others will be coupled with a "you're alright, i've got you"

prosciutto:

he says he's not a hugger, but the fact that he indulges so often says otherwise

prosciu's hugs are tender; so impossibly calming, you could melt in his arms

he keeps a hand resting on your lower back, the other running through your hair

he smells like fancy wine, expensive cologne, and cigarettes

he rocks you back and forth, telling you how much he loves you and appreciates you

pesci:

although nervous about them, he's such a huge hugger

he's big, warm, and so fucking cozy

pesci truly gives some of the best hugs imaginable

he hugs you to make sure you know you're safe with him; he'd never let anything bad happen to you, and if something bad DID happen, he'd make sure it'll never happen again

his fuzzy coat is just a plus!! take advantage of it and nuzzle your face into it, he thinks it's adorable

formaggio:

he's a big hugger, and all of his hugs feel almost playful

he likes to jump out at you and tackle you to the floor, peppering your face with kisses as he tickles your sides

formaggio hugs you a lot for his own comfort

he likes to shrink you down when he hugs you - it's like he's trying to swallow you whole

he's always so warm and cozy, and you if you aren't standing up, you'll be able to fall asleep on him

illuso:

believe it or not, he's shockingly clingy.

yes, he's a giant, cocky asshole who thinks he's better than everybody else. no, he can't get enough of your touch. those concepts can coexist...................

he likes to pop out from behind dark corners and wrap his arms around you tightly

illuso will bury his face in your hair, mumbling what you can only assume are compliments that he's too embarrassed to say out loud

his hands press tight against your sides, thumbs rubbing small circles on your waist

melone:

he gives some of the most comforting, genuine feeling hugs

sure, he might seem a little creepy on the outside, but he can read you like a book

he'll come up from behind you and wrap his arms lazily around your neck

"come here, tesoro. i know you need it."

and he's right damn near every time

sometimes he'll give you a gentle kiss on the cheek before wandering elsewhere

other times, he'll drag you to the couch and force you to cuddle with him

ghiaccio:

he's not good at hugs; he gets nervous and then he stiffens up and freezes

ghiaccio gives you the biggest hugs when you come back home from rough missions, though

his arms wrap around you tightly, face buried in your neck as angry worries pour from his lips - he thought you were a goner

he's scared that you're going to disappear on him, but hugging you makes him feel better

he's nice to hug in the summer months when the heat's getting to you

he's always nice and chilly and if it's you asking, he's happy to oblige (but he'll never say it)

sorbet:

similar to risotto, sorbet's hugs feel like he's suffocating you

he's built like a fucking wall; tall, broad shoulders, wide chest, very muscular

his hugs are few and far between, but he always hugs you like he's trying to kill you

he likes when you're giggling over being stuck in his arms, playfully scratching him and begging him to let go

he gives you a tight squeeze before letting you go, ruffling your hair before wandering off

gelato:

he gives some of the most playful, gentle, warm hugs you could ask for - ironic for such a cold-hearted killer

he likes picking you up and spinning you around before pulling you into his chest

he'll tickle you side with one hand while the other arm stays wrapped around your body so you can't escape his torture

he also likes to bite :3 every hug comes with a little nip on your neck just to hear your squeal

he drags you to cuddle with him after every hug though - you're just sooooo cute and cozy, he can't help it

[thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli]

Sleeping habits and headcanons…La Squadra edition (x reader)

Dating/married depending on character

Content: smoking, drinking, overall pretty fluffy but Prosciutto is kinda a jerk, includes most of La Squadra (-Sorbet and Gelato)

Formaggio: He kinda just does whatever he wants in the evenings, as long as it’s fun or relaxing. If he decides to go out, you’ve gotten used to him coming back early in the morning (think 1-2 a.m. when the bars usually close) and just collapses next to you in bed, passing out pretty much immediately like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

Don’t bother trying to wake him up to make him change into something more comfortable, he’s completely out. And he snores loud too.

If he stays in, he likes spending some quality time with you. But nothing too emotionally engaging, something like turning on a movie and cuddling on the couch, or enjoying a drink with you before turning in for the night.

He’s a bit clingy when he shares a bed with you, an arm around your waist and his face against the back of your neck. It’s just because it’s most comfortable for him to use you as a pillow, but it feels kinda romantic sometimes.

He doesn’t wake up at any particular time, sometimes a reasonable hour, sometimes sleeping well into the morning. If he wants to keep sleeping and you try to wake him up, he’ll get a bit grumpy with you and just shoo you away until he’s ready to get up.

Illuso: Has a whole nighttime routine for his hair and skin, and he’s particular about it, so don’t interrupt him or he’ll get annoyed.

It doesn’t take him too long, and it’s kinda amusing to see how much effort he puts into his appearance but then sleeps with little elegance. He sleeps with a sleep mask, and tends to be a blanket hog, also particular about the room he’s sleeping in too. Despite using a sleep mask he’s insistent on the room being completely dark, and he’ll complain if he thinks you’re moving around too much. At least when he’s out he’s a pretty heavy sleeper.

He sleeps in, and wakes up slowly. If you try to talk to him when he first wakes up you’ll just get some incomprehensible mumbling in reply.

Prosciutto: He smokes a lot, smokes to wind down in the evening too. You’ve had to tell him “don’t do that in the bedroom, darling,” more times than you can count. You don’t really think there needs to be a compromise…he should just go outside…but you know it’s not worth arguing with him. Fine. He can just open the bedroom window. You’ve gotten used to it by now.

You regret giving him a shoulder massage one evening early in your marriage when you thought he seemed a little tense. Now he expects it every night, and will get a bit annoyed with you if you don’t do it.

For how much of a hardened gangster he was, he sure was needy when it was just you and him alone.

He’s not really cuddly, and typically only tolerates it when he initiates. If you really want some physical contact, then he’ll let you snuggle against his chest, and that’s only sometimes.

He naturally wakes up early, around 5:30ish, and makes you wake up when he does because he’s just the WORST ugh.

Pesci: He goes to bed so much earlier than the others, Prosciutto makes fun of him for it but who’s laughing when Pesci is the only member of the team with any energy left in the evening?

He’ll go to bed without you if you stay up late, and when you do join him he’s a fairly heavy sleeper, so you usually don’t accidentally wake him up.

He moves around a lot in his sleep, you tend to get nudged during the night.

You get used to it, eventually. And it’s okay because he wakes up earlier than you so you get some guaranteed peace in the morning.

He’s aware of when you typically wake up, so if you drink coffee he’ll have one ready for you before you climb out of bed.

Melone: You imagine he’d stay up all night if you weren’t there to encourage him to go to sleep. He goes to bed when you do. Because he loves you Soooo much and is Very clingy so all of his wind down time is spent within your vicinity if you happen to be home at the same time as him. He’s usually staring at screens, typing away on his computer doing who knows what. If he’s not being super touchy and cuddly with you, he likes just existing in your presence, you doing your thing while he does his.

He has a bit of a nighttime routine, skincare specifically, but mostly he just likes watching you go through your routine.

He is super clingy in the bed with you, his hands slipping under your shirt so he can feel your skin, and his legs wrapped around yours. You can barely move once Melone starts snuggling you, but you’re used to it at this point.

A pretty light sleeper, if you get up in the middle of the night for any reason he’ll probably wake up too.

He wakes up in the morning when you wake up. If you choose to sleep in, even if he wakes up he’ll stay in bed with you until you’re ready to start the day. If you ask him he’ll get up and make you a coffee.

Ghiaccio: It doesn’t matter what time he goes to bed at, because his alarm is always set to go off at an ungodly hour.

It drives you crazy to hear that beeping at like 3:30 in the morning, but he really needs his alone time in the morning so you just let it be. He turns it off and disappears in just a few minutes, and by the time you wake up he’s usually back from whatever he had left the apartment to do.

He’s on edge most of the time, so he has a hard time winding down at night. There’s a decent chance that spending time even with you might frustrate him, so before bed he gets some exercise and then takes a shower while you get ready for bed separately.

Unless you have something you need to discuss with him you both tend to keep to yourselves in the evening. He doesn’t cuddle, and his body runs cold, so you tend to scoot closer to him only when you’re feeling warm at night.

He twitches and yells in his sleep sometimes. You’ve gotten used to it to an extent, but occasionally you can’t take it and have to wake him up.

Risotto Nero: He’s so quiet and still when he sleeps that sometimes it’s like he’s not even in the bed anymore. He’s so light a sleeper that he wakes up immediately whenever you stir in any way. He asks you why you’re touching his arm, but you were just seeing if he was still with you.

He’s not cuddly at night. If you really want to cling to him he won’t object, but it does make sleeping a bit harder for him.

He doesn’t need a lot of sleep. He gets up really early in the morning, always careful to not disturb you, and immediately gets to work; managing an assassination squad requires a lot of his attention.

You tell him he really should get more sleep, but he’s so used to his routine that it would be difficult to change at this point. He appreciates the concern, but really, he’s fine.

[vixensmart]

La Squadra x Reader: Watching Your Drink

A/N: CW for drugging/slipping things into your drink.

Context: You and your S/O decide to go out for the night to a bar. For a moment, you excuse yourself and ask them to watch your drink while you're gone.

Risotto Nero

Risotto places his hand over your drink and pulls it closer to him. He knows he looks scary enough to deter any potential creeps from even thinking about slipping anything into your drink, but he's still vigilant. He's got a deadly stare going on, ensuring he intimidates anybody with ill intent from an attempt.

If anybody has the balls to try and slip anything into your drink, they're dead. You'll know it was Risotto's doing, too. The person will have razor-blades growing out of their eyes, or a pair of scissors stuck in their throat, or something of the sort. He commits these acts quite coldly and calmly, which frightens the other patrons at the bar. However, no one really has sympathy for someone who was trying to spike a drink, so the creep is quickly forgotten about.

When you return to your seat, Risotto will pass your drink back to you. It was well protected. But the rim of your glass is warm.

Prosciutto

Prosciutto takes your drink and places a napkin on top of it, keeping a watchful eye over it. He neglects his own drink for a while, feeling as though he might forget about yours if he indulges too much. Anyone who seems suspicious, he keeps an eye on.

If he finds someone trying to get to your drink, he'll use Grateful Dead to age them to death. And not quickly. Prosciutto is not one to throw any punches at the creep. He much prefers to make them suffer for ever thinking they could drug his S/O and try to harm them.

Prosciutto removes the napkin only after you've sat down again. He reassures you nothing happened to your drink while he kicks some dust under the bar.

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio takes your drink into his hands after you excuse yourself. He thinks about freezing it, but remembers alcohol can't exactly freeze. Instead, he freezes the condensation on your glass and turns it into a protective barrier. Nobody is getting past that. Not on his watch, at least. Anyone whose eyes linger on your drink is getting the signature Ghiaccio death stare, which is usually enough to deter any creeps.

If someone is desperate enough to bring a heat gun or a hair dryer to try and spike your drink, Ghiaccio still has the situation under control. Unlike Prosciutto and Risotto, he won't kill them. Rather, this hot-head will scream at the top of his lungs and bring all the attention in the room towards the offender. Most likely, no hands will be thrown. The offender is usually so startled and embarassed, they get the hell out of dodge.

Once you return, Ghiaccio unfreezes the ice around your drink so you can continue enjoying it. You're astonished at the fact that your drink feels a lot colder than when the bartender served it to you.

Illuso

Like this asshole wouldn't just let your drink get spiked on purpose

Illuso is quite nonchalant about the whole thing. He doesn't cover your drink with anything, or make any moves to pull it closer to him. You worry he might not be paying attention, but he is. Illuso is confident he can keep your drink from being messed with without much stress. He's using the mirrors around the bar to watch any person who might be eyeing your drink a little too hard.

If someone should attempt to put anything in your drink, Illuso will catch them and pull them into the mirror world with him. He won't kill them, but he will rough them up a bit and frighten them. He's a big man, and he knows he can handle it if they should fight back. After a little beat down and a couple threats on their lives and families, he'll toss them out of the bar himself.

Illuso will proudly tell you about the poor excuse of a human he just tore a new one. All while he has a new drink for you, instead of the one you had been drinking. He won't admit he took his eyes off of it to beat the hell out of the person who tried to spike it, and forgot someone else could have tried to spike it while he was busy.

Pesci

Pesci goes all out when protecting your drink. He keeps it with him at all times, and never takes his eyes off of it. He places a coaster over the top, and covers it with his hand for good measure. Even given all the protection he's given your drink, he's still nervous about someone trying anything. He doesn't want you to get sick, or hurt. Anybody who looks suspicious gets watched like a hawk.

If someone does try to distract him to get something in your drink, he won't let go of the damn thing. You entrusted him with the safety of not only your beverage, but you as well. He's not going to start a fight, but he will tell the bartender (and maybe Prosciutto) what they're doing. He'll get them kicked out so you won't have to deal with them. Even after the creep is gone, he's still apprehensive that he might have taken his eyes off your drink for only a second. He asks the bartender to get you a new drink, just in case.

You'll return to the bar with a brand new drink waiting for you, and a nervous and flustered Pesci explaining the events that just transpired.

Formaggio

Formaggio places a relaxed hand over your drink and won't stress over it being tampered with. He doesn't think anyone will mess with it if he's got it. Plus, his hand is over it, so he thinks he'll feel it if someone tries to put something in it.

If someone does try to mess with your drink, they'll be caught by Formaggio. At first, he'll tell them to fuck off and shove them away, still remaining quite pleasant. If they don't take the hint, he'll get a bit more aggressive. If they still insist, he'll shrink them down and, quite hilariously, drown them in your drink. He can't contain himself. He's laughing like a maniac, but everyone around him can't really tell what he's laughing at. The patrons and the bartender are a bit weirded out, but they resume their own business, thinking he's just drunk.

You'll come back to a new drink. When you ask Formaggio why you have a new one, he'll brush it off by saying it spilled when some guy tried to mess with it. He won't tell you

Melone (the reason you need to cover your drink)

All jokes aside, Melone, as lascivious as he might be, will take your drink and place it next to his. He might take a curious sip of it to sample the taste, but that's the extent of his tampering with your drink. He keeps the glass close and watches it. Any suspicious faces at the bar are noted, but he doesn't watch them intently.

If someone tries to spike your drink under his watch, they can expect Baby Face to visit them later. Melone doesn't usually opt towards physical confrontation, but he won't sit idly by while someone tries to take advantage of you. He'll find a way to injure them after confronting them for their act. Once he's got a bit of their blood, they're history.

You come back to a very relaxed Melone, who passes your drink to you. He'll tell you that someone tried to spike your drink, but that they're nothing to worry about anymore. With a sly smirk, he'll admit to taking a sip of your drink, and offers you a taste of his to make it even.

[naomijoestar]

Hello! Can you do headcanons for La Squadra (including Sorbet and Gelato if you’re able) trying a period pain simulator with their S/O or female teammate they’re either crushing on or friends with? I can imagine Risotto with the simulator attached to his abs keeping a blank, stoic face and when it gets to level 10, just one lone tear falls from his eye lol 😆

Masterlist here <3

This is so cute, I hope you enjoy shat I wrote and feel it was worth the wait!

La squadra try a period simulator

Risotto Nero

• When the simulator starts, he doesn’t even blink, calmly staring ahead like he’s meditating. You swear he might actually be meditating

• You crank it up to level 6, and he still sits there, arms crossed, occasionally asking questions like, “Is this supposed to hurt?” as if he’s genuinely curious

• At level 10, his breath hitches slightly, and you catch him gripping the chair just a little tighter. Then, without a word, a single tear escapes his eye and slides down his cheek. He still doesn’t say a thing

• After it’s over, he stands up, brushes himself off, and calmly tells you, “Let me know when you need me to pick up your painkillers.” He’s already adding them to his shopping list before you can respond

Prosciutto

• He starts off lecturing you about how he’s endured worse, talking about “the art of mental toughness” like he’s running a motivational seminar

• At level 3, his breathing grows shallow, but he pretends nothing’s wrong. At level 5, he stiffens and tries to brush it off with a strained, “It’s… manageable.”

• By level 7, his whole façade crumbles, and he’s gripping the edge of the table with both hands, muttering curses under his breath. He taps out at level 8, muttering, “This is ridiculous.”

• Later, he’s unusually sweet, bringing you your favorite snacks during your next period and grumbling, “You should’ve told me it was this bad.”

Pesci

• Pesci nervously agrees to try it, stammering, “Uh… sure, why not?” The moment the simulator starts, his eyes widen like he’s just been stabbed

• At level 3, he’s already squirming, grabbing his stomach and whining, “Is this normal? How do you deal with this?!”

• By level 5, he’s almost in tears and keeps asking if you’re messing with the settings. When it hits level 6, he yelps, “TURN IT OFF!” and rips the simulator off like it’s a venomous snake

• Afterward, he’s so apologetic, constantly asking how he can help you during your periods. He starts keeping chocolate in his pocket just in case

Formaggio

• Formaggio can’t stop laughing when the simulator is strapped on, teasing you with, “Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.”

• At level 4, his cocky smirk falters as he mutters, “Okay, that’s… different.” At level 6, he’s leaning forward, clutching his stomach and swearing like a sailor

• When you crank it up to level 8, he dramatically flops onto the floor, groaning, “I’m dying! Call the boss! Tell him I loved him!”

• Once he’s recovered, he can’t stop laughing at himself but will quietly sneak a heating pad and snacks into your room the next time he knows you’re struggling

Illuso

• Illuso rolls his eyes and mutters, “Fine, I’ll do it, but only because I’m bored.” The simulator barely starts, and he’s already wincing, muttering, “This is stupid.”

• By level 5, he’s gripping his sides, growling, “This is some kind of torture device, isn’t it?” At level 6, he rips the device off, glaring at you. “Who even invented this?!”

• He spends the rest of the day grumbling about how unfair it is that anyone has to experience that, but later, he brings you a blanket and awkwardly mutters, “In case you need it or whatever.”

Melone

• Melone is way too excited to try it, peppering you with questions about your experience before it even starts. “Do you get sharp pains or dull ones? Both? Fascinating!”

• When the simulator starts, he tries to keep a cool demeanor but is already grimacing by level 4. By level 7, he’s gripping his stomach and groaning, “My beautiful insides!”

• At level 10, he’s dramatically slumped over, whining, “You poor, delicate creature! How do you live like this?”

• Later, he insists on designing a high-tech gadget to relieve your cramps. He won’t stop until he’s built something out of both love and guilt

Ghiaccio

• Ghiaccio is already ranting before the simulator is even turned on. “This is so dumb! Why do people keep inventing useless things like this?!”

• At level 3, he pauses mid-rant, his eyes widening. At level 5, he’s clutching his stomach and snapping, “WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE SOMEONE IS STABBING ME?!”

• By level 7, he’s rolling on the floor, yelling at no one in particular. “THIS MACHINE IS EVIL! TURN IT OFF!”

• Once it’s over, he storms off but later shows up with a bag of your favorite snacks, grumbling, “I still think this whole thing is stupid, but… whatever. Take it.”

Sorbet & Gelato

• Gelato immediately volunteers to go first, giggling, “This is gonna be fun!” He’s laughing at level 3 but starts squirming at level 5. By level 6, he’s doubled over, gasping, “It feels like my intestines are on fire!”

• Sorbet calmly takes the simulator next and makes it all the way to level 7 before quietly saying, “I’ve had enough.” He doesn’t even flinch as he takes it off. Gelato accuses him of cheating

• They both agree it’s insane that you deal with this regularly, and from then on, they tag team taking care of you—Gelato bringing snacks and Sorbet making sure you rest

Let me know of you’d like anything tweaked!

If you enjoyed this make sure to check out my other posts, and if you’d like anything specific written for a jjba character/squad you can request it if my requests are open!

[lady-of-endless]

Things you do that make their heart melt

(La Squadra x reader)

Author's Note: Those are random but that's the point. I tried to be a bit explicit for those who are at the start of Jojo part 5 and maybe don't remember each character's Stand name or ability. I couldn't write this only for my 3 darlings from La Squadra as I started it because I love them all too much. Proud La Squadra stan. Excuse any grammar mistakes. Enjoy!

Risotto Nero

- How you can balance being serious and being affectionate so easily. This is something he admires a lot and wishes to be capable of too sometimes. Yes, he's a serious and stoic man but the whole La Squadra knows just how big his heart is. Sometimes Risotto wishes he could show a bit of affection to the ones dear to him. Risotto is a softie inside but the nature of his occupation forces him to be as reserved and stern as he is now.

- How you can protect yourself. Being a hitman is tough, nothing new under the sun, but being the leader of the team is even worse. It's hard to watch out for others when he also must make sure that everything is working out smoothly. But he cares about you and your safety so damn much it's almost dangerous. So seeing you handle enemies alone helps him fall asleep at night with fewer worries. Also, watching you fight and come up with strategies makes him smile slightly and so subtly that of course, no one can notice it.

- How you look dressed in black with silver accessories. Aesthetically wise, black is one of his favorite colors and no one can tell otherwise. When you decide to match him with a dark outfit, his gaze will follow you more than usual. Be sure of the fact that he'll use his Stand, Metallica, to give you subtle signals, or not so subtle, by pulling onto your belt or necklace.

(it's loving Risotto hours)

Prosciutto

- How you calm yourself down after an intense moment. Prosciutto himself is not proud of when he snaps at people, thinking that it's not graceful behavior so he starts studying you from afar while calming down. He analyzes your soft tone, your calm face but alert eyes after being harsh, to learn from you but he finds himself falling for it. Like his brother, he also craves a bit of softness in his life but will never admit it, not even to himself so seeing you simmer down and transform into someone calm and understanding makes him want your presence more.

- How you counter him when he is too cruel to his brother. He is harsh with Pesci and he knows it, but he thinks it's only for good. It's not about how you're stubborn enough to argue with him but about how it reminds him that if something ever goes wrong with him on a mission, someone else will make sure that his brother is still alright and progressing. Also, as you two are arguing, things get pretty heated in no time and as the distance between you closes in, everyone knows that it's better to leave you two alone.

- How focused you look when deciding on an outfit. That and how you ask him for an opinion. You can see him leaning back in an armchair just looking at you searching through your clothes with an amused but admirative look on his face. Prosciutto likes to make himself look presentable and if you do the same, he can't help but find that fact attractive. Plus he can play dress up with you without you even suspecting it and he can't get enough of it.

(why is he like that? Love him though)

Ghiaccio

- How you let yourself be angry sometimes. To him, almost anyone seems calmer than him, but seeing someone being as furious as him from time to time and that someone being you? That's new. It doesn't happen often and in some odd way, he finds it fascinating. As much as he enjoys teasing you, he'll never be the type to say "Just calm down" or "You're exaggerating" because he knows how much it enrages someone already angry to hear this. He will be very understanding when you're like that. Plus, if someone or something gets you angry, he gets angry too so it will end up with the two of you being a scary couple.

- How your eyes shine when you smile and your smile in general. He is baffled by how when your lips are curved into a smile, your eyes are radiant too. Usually, he uses this expressiveness of yours against you, teasing you about it but when you smile so warmly, he feels like he's looking at the sun and that's unnerving because it makes him blush. He can't understand it.

- How your nose scrunches when you get a brain freeze from consuming something cold. This along with how your cheeks and nose redden when you're cold. He rolls his eyes at himself for like such a shallow and obvious thing but can't help it. It's not how adorable you look it's more how no one notices such details but him. It's his guilty pleasure. He has a kink when it comes to your reactions to cold temperatures.

(ugh I love him so much it's pathetic)

Pesci

- How you encourage him randomly sometimes. Pesci's already having a hard time adjusting to hitman life and constantly being scolded by his brother. At first, when you encourage him, he's stunned, flustered, embarrassed even but in time he starts to feel so much better overall because of it. His stress goes down and he gets more confident and sure of his actions because of your praise.

- How you're kind to the innocent - animals, kids, etc. Since he followed his brother and joined the team, the shock from seeing so much violence in his life all of a sudden left a mark on him. When he notices you being soft to the innocent and helpless while still being a hitman, he starts to heal. His only wish is for you to keep this side of yours so he can keep his too.

- How peaceful you look while sleeping. Again, being in an Italian hitman team is not easy, it distorted any perspective on peacefulness he had before. Seeing you rest without a frown on your face reminds him that there still is peacefulness in this way of living.

Melone

- How you're intelligent enough but don't flaunt it. Sure, he likes good looks but that's not as important as intelligence, any type. Melone is a bit of a sapiosexual, he knows it. If you come up with smart questions during meetings, his attention is immediately on you from that point on until the end of the meeting. Also, if you're genuinely curious about how his stand, Baby Face, works, it only adds to your charm.

- How you pick up on his "di molto" catchphrase. Melone works a lot. I mean A LOT. Besides progenation, he's skilled at finding out hidden info about the target, too. But usually, he does it alone, no one accompanies him and sometimes he can't help but feel slightly ignored. So when you start spending enough time with him to start using his phrases, he starts to feel less alone.

- How you walk. Simple as that. He has been caught many times staring at how some people walk, it's a well-known fact. So if you walk a bit slower and move your hips a bit more intentionally, making it look natural, he's dead. To hell with the mission for a few moments of pure admiration.

Illuso

- How confident you are. You don't need him to hype you up and he won't, but you'll always catch him looking at you with a proud look on his face. However, not everyone can be confident all the time and Illuso knows it very well. When he finds you letting your guard down and looking disappointed with yourself, he'll act right away. He hates seeing you struggle with shallow insecurities as you are just so wonderful in his eyes...

- How you take time to relax. He always insists on you taking everything a bit more slowly, so when you finally do it, he's more than pleased. He likes to see your facial muscles loosen up, causing a relaxed expression. He wishes to see it more often and he wishes for you to prioritise taking care of yourself.

- How you study yourself in the mirror while getting ready. He will use his Stand's ability to enter that mirror's dimension just to look at you from that perspective. This applies to intimate moments as well, just a heads-up. However, his favorite moment to do that is when you're fixing your hair, there's something about it that he finds so damn attractive.

Formaggio

- How you focus on the mission at hand. That, and how serious you look while doing it. Don't get it wrong, he's also focused on the missions but he looks more laid-back, like a natural. He finds it funny and adorable how you look so stern and even suggest him to pay more attention.

- How you always mention Sorbet and Gelato after their death. Everyone knows that Risotto said to forget about it after the funeral to focus on getting back on track as fast as possible and avenging them afterward but to Formaggio, this never felt right. So when you mention a memory from time to time to everyone, his heart feels a little bit lighter.

- How you dance to your favorite songs. He thinks that the majority of members of La Squadra are too stiff and grim sometimes so catching you dancing around alone to your playlist makes him smile. For him, it's like a breath of fresh air. Expect him to join you.

[nicherayyy]

Imagine La Squadra with Teammate Reader who speaks Italian really poorly

Like, the team needs to speak to them super slowly with the most basic vocabulary ever (It makes Ghiaccio mad af because “IT’S JUST A SIMPLE PHRASE HOW CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT???”)

And when the teammate tries to explain anything it mostly consists of “Uhhhhh… you know….. the thing……. this thing……”😭😭

[abbacchiosbelt]

Headcanons for how each yandere La Squadra member would care for a captive darling?

hi i haven't written for la squadra in... forever. have these. i got kind of lazy at the end, lmao, but i hope they are enjoyable nonetheless.

cw for generel yandere nastiness.

Risotto

Honestly, one of the best choices from this list if you're going be under the care of a yandere. Basic necessities are taken care of in the form of a nice apartment (you'll be locked down and completely isolated, of course) that always has a stocked fridge and pantry. He prefers that his darling be comfortable in the hopes that it will endear them to him.

Risotto is the type of yandere that prefers his darling to reciprocate his feelings, no matter how long it takes to get there. Hence: the nice apartment. His patience does have a limit, though.

If his darling upsets him enough, Risotto retaliates by making your living conditions worse and worse until you break and beg him for forgiveness.

Continued under the cut!

Formaggio

Forces his darling to live with him, whether they like it or not. You really have no choice when Little Feet is involved: either you come with him willingly or he uses his Stand to shrink you down.

His apartment isn't awful, but it's nothing great either. He lives like a bachelor and it shows. He's not a complete slob, at least. He'll keep the fridge stocked, though expect your options to be carelessly chosen by him.

If you upset him, he'll use Little Feet to shrink you down before he entraps you in a doll house. The more you scream at him, the more amused he gets. He's a shithead.

Not the best choice by any means, but not the worst.

Illuso

Man in the Mirror makes kidnapping his darling incredibly easy; he does it in his darling's own home, trapping them within the mirror world there. You'll be sequestered to the mirror world unless Illuso is home. It's an incredibly boring and isolating existence.

Even if you plead with him that you won't leave the house (and you won't, not if you can live in the real world again), Illuso won't let you out of the mirror world unless he's present.

Probably one of the worst yanderes to be stuck with; even if there are moments when he treats you tenderly, the loneliness is overwhelming.

Melone

Terrifying, to say the least. Every inch of your life will be invaded until Melone feels satisfied, and then he'll dig even further. He doesn't care to keep you captive because he can easily find you again - it's more fun for him to chase you down every time.

If he does need to keep you in one place, he simply kills a random homeowner that no one will miss and moves you into their now vacant home. Sure, Melone has an apartment, but that's his place. (Plus, it's filled with all sorts of things he doesn't want his darling to see.) A home is somewhere he can easily pretend that he's living in domestic bliss with his darling.

Not easily angered, no matter how much his darling tries to upset him. He's fairly easygoing most of the time.

Melone's darling will be taken care of in their basic needs, but otherwise... One of the worst yandere characters to end up with on this list.

Prosciutto

Up there with Risotto, as far as your environment goes. Similarly to his Capo, Prosciutto keeps his darling sequestered away in a relatively nice home. He does expect you to take immaculate care of the place when he's not there. He also expects you to keep living 'normally', like taking care of yourself (cooking, hygiene, etc.) and keeping up with your hobbies as long as they can be done inside.

He's not ever really in a good mood, but he's never really in a bad mood either. He truly embodies the grumpy old man stereotype, even without Grateful Dead there to actually make him one. Prosciutto prefers that his darling like him, so he will be engaging with them when he's at home.

Strict disciplinarian. Enough said.

Pesci

Awkward about it. Pesci didn't want to kidnap you, but Prosciutto insisted he had to; something about compromised safety that left Pesci terrified someone would put a hit on you. That's how he'll justify it to his darling; if he hadn't taken you somewhere safe, you could have been in trouble. That's not going to make up for taking you away from your friends & family, he knows, but he wants you to be grateful that he saved you.

Pretty timid, still, though if you press him enough he'll make you apologize until he believes you're truly sorry. Whether or not Beach Boy is involved depends on how much you upset him.

Ghiaccio

The apartment he keeps you in is high-end but sterile. There's little to do - he doesn't trust you enough yet to let you have your own things. Keeps it unreasonably cool in the apartment because he likes it when you're forced to come to him for warmth. . . only to find that it's even colder in his arms.

Sorbet & Gelato

The worst of the worst on this list. Your comfort? Not important to them. They'll keep you alive, but your living conditions might be less than ideal. They won't keep their darling in squalor - there's a reason you're still alive, after all. It's just that their idea of a home may include the still-dead body of its previous occupants...

[sk3tch404]

I had an itch

I still love him

I'm so normal about him

[r0z0]

@dolce-tenebra-toscana NOT PROSCIUTTO CLUTCHING HIS PEARLS 😭😭😭 he would do the purse tuck-in too

Heya. Can I ask for La Squadra with a shy reader that hides from everyone on their daily basis? Like in the closet, or under the table. Just weird and various places to avoid talking with anyone, so it's really hard to even find them (could be an effect of a Stand).

Thank you 🤭

Hey there! So sorry for the long wait! I hope it’s worth your while! I had a lot of fun coming up with a bunch of bizarre scenarios for each character 😄

La Squadra X Reader that hides and is shy

(Cue Man in The Box -Alice in Chains) 😄

CW: melone being melone, alcohol

Notes: Sorry for the delay everyone! I hope you all enjoy! 💜 Beryl

Y/N was a little unusual…but who in the hitman team wasn’t a little weird? Y/N was very shy, they liked to hide in the strangest of places and tended to have moments where they couldn’t speak…or just refused to speak. It was hard to tell. The team somehow just coped with their odd behavior because out of all the team quirks theirs was the most tolerable! Unfortunately for Y/N, they were needed often by their team for various reasons…

Risotto

“We’re going to have a meeting in 30 minutes. The boss sent in a new hit and I want everyone in here by that time” he announced to the room scanning his eyes around for a head count. As usual, you weren’t there. “And that includes Y/N.” He said it loud enough for you to hear.

He knew you were in the room but he didn’t know where. With your stealthiness and way of contorting your body you could be ANYWHERE.

He could feel a sense of excess iron in kitchen… he look around and—nothing. He would have to start checking the drawers and cabinets again. He checked and checked… until he looked up on top of the fridge.

“Ah, Y/N. There you are. Just in time.” Risotto said, relieved while holding back a snicker. “Come on down now. It’s time. I promise it won’t last long.”

“…” you were curled up with hands on your knees and you tilted your head at him. “..?”

“We are not going to argue over this. It’s time to come down.” He sighed.

You shook your head no.

“I will make sure nobody makes eye contact with you if you come down. And you will get the couch to yourself.”

You finally hopped off the fridge and sat in his chair. Everyone felt awkward and averted eye contact.

“Okay as I was saying…” he began.

Formaggio

Drinking a bunch with the guys gives Maggio the munchies. He was looking through the pantry and moving snacks around only to make eye contact with you.

“Woah! Oh…hey Y/N! Uh…didn’t see you there!” He felt his soul almost leave his body when he saw you. He should of known you’d be in a strange place, you been a gang member forever it feels like!

“*munch munch* …” you just stared at him while eating potato chips.

“Are those the BBQ flavored chips?” He asked.

You nodded your head yes.

“Can I have some?” He asked.

You gave him the bag only leaving him with crumbs.

“Aw come on Y/N. You could have just said no. I don't want no damn crumbs!” He whined.

You pointed at the garbage can and he looked over towards where you were pointing.

“You just gave me your garbage to throw away?! Unbelievable! You’re lucky you are cute Y/N or else I have some choice words for you!” He groaned.

“I’m taking these snack cakes.” He swiped the snack cakes above you, making you frown.

Illuso

You were hiding in the closet today. The guys were getting rowdy and drunk and you didn’t want NONE of that. So you were playing a game boy with a flash light so you could see the screen. You felt a bright burst of light sting your eyes making you hiss.

“Found you~.” Illuso said smugly. “Well I wasn’t looking for ya but finding you is like finding where’s Waldo so I’m pretty lucky today!”

You hissed at him again.

“When oh when are you going to be brave and just come out of the closet already???But no seriously. Jokes aside, I need my jacket.” He said reaching his arm in.

You slapped it away.

“Hey! Let me have my fucking jacket!” He barked and reached for it again.

You slapped his hand harder this time.

“Ow! What the hell?!” He rubbed his hand. “Hey Prosciutto! Y/N won’t give me my damn jacket !” He yelled.

“Well then go without it!” You heard a voice yell from downstairs.

Pesci

Pesci insisted on having a massive fish tank to liven up the base. But nobody wanted to deal with all the exotic fish and feed them daily so it was up to him. If he was lucky maybe just MAYBE Risotto or Sorbet would feed them, but that was about the extent of the care given to these poor fish.

He went to grab the supplies under the fish tank to clean it by opening the drawers to where the cleaning solution was located only to be met with you curled up under the fish tank calmly listening to the aquatic sounds.

“Eeek! Y/N!” His heart almost jumped out of his chest. “ how did you get in there?!”

You simply responded with a yawn.

“D-Don’t tell me you were planning on taking a nap in there?!” He stuttered. He knew you were a little strange, he didn’t judge but that’s no place to nap!

You just rubbed your eyes and made a soft whining noise.

“Ok I’m sorry-I’ll leave you alone. I’ll clean the tank in a few hours when you are done. But can you hand me the fish food?” He asked politely.

You gave him the fish food and turned your back to him and continued with your nap.

“Thank you Y/N.” He whispered and closed the door.

Prosciutto

Prosciutto needed a drink after a long day and went toward the bar to look for his favorite liquor. …it’s missing.

“Which one of you assholes took my shit?” He angrily mumbled as he exhaled his cigarette smoke.

“*cough* *cough*” he heard a noise under the bars’ bottom cabinet.

“I caught you!” He quickly opened the drawers revealing a tipsy you drinking straight from the bottle.

He scrunched his nose in annoyance and quickly snatched it out of your hand.

“Do you realize how much this stuff costs??? More than you can afford clearly.” He sneered.

You hiccuped and gave him the finger, clearly not caring about what he has to say.

“Eugh! How dare you!” He clutched his invisible pearls. “I’m letting risotto know about this!”

“I already know…if it makes you feel any better Y/N taste tested all the liquor we had and is probably going to get the worst hangover of their life.” Risotto said overhearing the conversation.

Melone

You were texting and hiding behind the curtains. It was a nice rainy day out and you wanted to be close to the rain drops but not get wet.

“Hmm… it’s so dark in here. We could use some natural light.” Melone mumbled to himself.

Before he drew the curtain he saw a pair of feet and tried not to snicker. He always thought of you like an aloof house cat.

He went to grab the curtain string and you quickly took a death grip on his hand.

“Ow ow ow - Y/N let gooooo~” he whined in pain. He never knew you could squeeze that hard! But…he shouldn’t be too surprised with you being a hitman and all… you need good hands to strangle with.

“I’ll leave you alone! I’ll just use the shitty lamp instead.” He sighed rubbing his wrist.

“You know those hands could probably give a very goo-“ he got cut off by getting a Nokia phone thrown at his head. You weren’t letting him finish that cursed thought.

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio was brushing his teeth. His eye felt a little blurry after waking up. He’s a little grumpy since he overslept and somehow slept an hour through his alarm.

“This is bullshit…” he muttered while brushing. You couldn’t understand a single word he was saying through a mouth full of toothpaste and an electric toothbrush being noisy.

He hasn’t noticed yet but you were hanging out in the air conditioning duct. Your eyes were peeping through the vent. Why were you watching him in the bathroom? That’s a good question… you planned on snaking your way back to your room because you didn’t want to be seen. You just needed to wait for him to leave so you could jump out of the air vent and get to your room right next to the communal bathroom.

One of the screws were loose (and probably a few in your head are loose too but we don’t worry about that) and dropped on to his head making him jump.

“What the fuck was that?!” He quickly scans the bathroom…nothing.

“My head is messing with me again..”he grumbled as he spat out his mouth wash.

Another screw fell landing in front of him this time.

“A screw..?” He looked from where it landed it up to the ceiling to air duct to see… two round eyes peering down at him.

“Gesù Cristo!!!” He screeched at the top of his lungs. You never heard his voice crack that hard.

The panel became unstable and you fell through the air duct. You cringed in pain from the short fall.

“Y/N what the fuck?! Why were you watching me?! No—screw that. Why were you in the damn vent?!”

“…”

“You didn’t want to talk to anyone so you decided to go through the air duct to get to your room and you were waiting for me to leave?!”

You nodded your head yes.

“You dumbass! What if I was shitting?! I can’t get no privacy in this damn place! Nobody has any respect I swear to —“ he ranted on and on. You got up and dusted yourself off ignoring him and walked out going to your room.

Finally. All alone now. 😌

[la-principessa-della-squadra]

miscellaneous ghiaccio headcanons? i really like your interpretation of the character

La Squadra Miscellanea p.1 -Ghiaccio's random headcanons

Tw: drugs, alcohol, general violence and degradation, blasphemies, Loretta Goggi

Hates when people are late for appointments (or dates). This is a trait he shares with Illuso.

He has really poor eyesight. But that doesn't really matter since he's farsighted and he doesn't really care 'where to punch'.

Violence is not an answer. Violence is the question and the answer is 'Yes'.

Extremely violent outbursts for "no apparent reason".

When he first met Illuso, he punched him in the guts after he teased him for his thick glasses

"ma te vara questo... Uè pistola, ma ci vedi attraverso quei bicchieri ?"

(Look at this nerd...Hey fuckface, can you see behind those magnifying lens?)

And then kicked Formaggio in the knee because he laughed...

Doesn't know how to properly compliment or show that 'he cares' to anyone.

Jealous partner. Jealous admirer.

"Me so rabiato? No me so rabiato. Davèr-Te lo dico con calma...DIO BOIA CHI CAZO È CHE TE CIÀMA?!? DIO PORSELÀSO CAN! DAME STO PORCODIO DE TELEFONO."

(I'm calm. I just want to know-No.no. really I'm calm-I just want to know WHO DA FUCK IS CALLING YOU RIGHT NOW?! GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE.)

He usually redirects his anger towards the target but sometimes La Squadra are not the only people who take advantage of his outbursts...

According to Melone:

"Deh, Gliè rabbia repressa. Un ce po' fah dimorto. Ir problema è 'he diventa fascile da manipolare. Boia,Le bimbe s'approfittano. Peffozza."

(Repressed rage is even better than plain and simple rage. It is so easy to manipulate him through his feelings.)

Melone is the only person in the group that allows him to be vulnerable.

Deep conversations late at night while 'Maledetta Primavera' plays.

Eats a lot. Many carbs and protein but doesn't get fat (lucky him.)

Ghiaccio can chug an entire bottle of Vodka lemon with an empty stomach

Then he would vomit and shit himself. Those are usual consequences

He hits the gym at least 3 times a week. Sometimes Formaggio goes with him to catcall the girls

"ABBONA! Dopo la ciclett te lo fai un giro su st'attrezzo?! Annamo!"

(HEY BABE! Can I be part of your workout?! I can make you sweat for good)

"TASI. TASI DIOPORCO. Qui mi conoscono, Diopittore."

(SHUT UP. SHUTTHEFUCK UP. I pay for a regular membership here, you balding fag)

"RUM E COCAINA...ZA ZA!"

He gets the snow. He's usually in charge of that. (Read the misadventures et al. Tequila Sale e limone)

He cuts it with whatever.

Malox,Brufen,Tachipirina? That's fine

Before joining the gang he used to drink, snort and smoke like it was the end of the world.

Now he's more in control.

He occasionally does LSD with Melone and never refuses a drag from Pesci's joint.

Formula 1 enjoyer. He's a great fan of Michael Schumacher and a Ferrari estimator.

Unnecessary hate for poor Mika Häkkinen and McLaren

"VIA SCHUMIIIII! NÀSI A CAGAR MCLAREN DI MERDA! ETERNO SECONDO! DIO TARANTELLA!"

(FUCK MCLAREN AND THAT STUPID ASS FINNISH FAGGOT.)

Once he and Melone lost a bet at the strip club and the girls turned their hair blonde.

There are pictures of the event.

Pesci kept them in secret

-La Principessa della Squadra

[thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli]

La Squadra x reader: How They Flirt

Yikes. They’re trying-

Content: casual flings, slight suggestiveness, creepy Melone, different relationship depending on character

Characters: all La Squadra (-Sorbet and Gelato)

Style: quick headcanons

-Formaggio: Very casual flirt, tends to walk that line that makes you wonder if he’s actually flirting with you or just being nice. And he’ll flirt with any cute thing that catches his eye, doesn’t mean he’s looking for anything serious, but giving him attention back will make him hover around a bit more. He wants to see what will happen.

He’ll offer to buy you a drink at the bar, asking if the seat next to you was taken, and if not he’ll playfully wonder out loud why. You really don’t have a sweetheart? Well he’s nobody’s first choice but if you want some company for the night, he’s a pretty good conversationalist~

He’s a natural, much more socially aware than most of his squad mates. He knows leaning forward while you talk will make you feel heard, and asking you questions about yourself will make him seem genuinely interested in you. By the end of the night, his hand’s on the back of your chair and you’re sharing drinks and laughing together. Maybe you’ve even given him your number. But don’t take it personally when the second you turn around suddenly he’s chatting it up with the next cute thing he spotted. He’s not even trying to make you jealous, he’s just having a good time, and there’s plenty of him to share. If you do actually want to get somewhere with him, make it obvious…he likes that and he’ll be willing to give you more attention for bold behavior.

-Illuso: God, he is BORING. His body language doesn’t even convey any particular interest in you, and he doesn’t even ask about you, just starts listing his appealing traits to try to convince you he’s a good time and worth spending an evening with. You suspect he just wants money from you, but he’s just not very good at flirting. He really does want you to let him take you out on the town for the night, but he’s too prideful to ask outright…it feels like begging to him. You’d be better off just asking him yourself if he wants to spend the evening with you. He has some nerve acting like he wasn’t trying for that when he says: “Well, if you insist~”

-Prosciutto: He’s extraordinarily blunt but…when you’re as handsome and serious as he is it honestly works.

Don’t try to play coy with him if he decides to approach you, he wants some companionship tonight and he’s not gonna work that hard for it. You only get one chance with him before he decides if he does or doesn’t want to spend an evening with you, so be assertive back if you think he’s someone you wanna play with.

“You want a drink on me or not?” he asks, resting his elbow on the bar and gazing at you with those intense eyes. He won’t ask again. It’s yes or no. And if you say yes he’s gonna order you whatever he thinks you want.

He’s a horribly grumpy and audacious companion…but once you get used to it he doesn’t have ill-intentions. He just wants a good time tonight, like most people who go out alone to a bar on the weekend.

-Pesci: One word. AWKWARD. He does Not know much about flirting, beyond the basics. But knowing the basics doesn’t mean he knows how to put them all together. People like compliments…but also confidence and devil may care attitudes…and how is he even supposed to know what you like…?

He didn’t mean to just. Sit there and stare at you from across the restaurant. He didn’t realize he was even doing that until your eyes meet and you awkwardly wave him over, since clearly he wants something from you.

He settles for the only thing he can think to do as he awkwardly shuffles over to your table. He tells you he likes your shoes. It makes you laugh and you ask him his name and invite him to sit with you, willing to see where this might go. You end up giving him your number, since you couldn’t deny a bit of curiosity towards him.

-Melone: He walks by your table at a restaurant and not so subtly tosses a cocktail napkin in front of you, with something written on it:

“Nice thighs~”

Signed with his number and his name with a heart next to it.

Gross, what the hell…?

It doesn’t take long for you to catch his eye, and you shake your head and glare at him disapprovingly. He just tilts his head at you, his eyes narrowing as his lips turn up into a smirk and he blows you a kiss.

GROSS. What the HELL?

You have no idea if he’s just being confident, stupid, or straight-up a creep.

You subtly text one of your friends to come pick you up so you don’t have to walk home alone tonight.

You have No idea what that guy was Expecting to get out of that interaction, but he can forget it until he improves his flirting game, if that’s even what that was-

-Ghiaccio: He is NOT the type to humiliate himself by flirting with random people. He finds it desperate, and he’s not much of a quick fling or even “romantic relationships” person anyways. If he does end up attempting to flirt with you, it’s because he’s known you for a while and truly has some sort of mind-consuming crush on you. If it didn’t literally keep him up at night, he’d probably never ask you out and just bottle it up forever.

It’s a bit terrifying to see him stomp over to you, that signature intenseness permeating his body language. Despite how naturally cold his body was, his face looks warm and he speaks especially loudly while trying to give you a kind compliment. He doesn’t beat around the bush for very long. “WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER?!” he screams at you, unintentionally. Say yes and he’ll tell you he’ll pick you up at 6:30 exactly and then hurry off in a huff of embarrassment. Say no and he’ll activate White Album and escape as fast as possible and avoid you for the rest of the day, ending the evening with an apology text and insisting you both just forget he ever said anything. Please. He will DIE if you mention it again after rejecting him-

-Risotto Nero: He’s very much like Ghiaccio in the sense that he’s not interested in some sort of quick and casual thing, or relationships in general. He’s got a job to do, he doesn’t have time for dating. But if he’s known you for a while and enjoys your company…there’s a slim chance he’ll attempt to flirt, with the intent of inviting you on a date. It’s a bit awkward, and you really can’t tell what he’s going for at first when he mentions a nice, secluded spot for a private stroll. It honestly kinda sounds like a threat when he words it like that, though you’re sure that’s not his intent. But being direct with him will make him more direct with you.

Ask if he’s inviting you on a date and he’ll say yeah, that was the intention…only if you aren’t busy and actually wish to spend some time with him.

You’re sure it’ll be a bit quiet and awkward at first but…you’re flattered to be invited, and don’t have any plans that night so…may as well.

[chronicallyonline101]

CHAPTER 16 OF DUMB KILLERS IS OUT NOW!!!

'Ghiaccio's plan to have a 'date' with you is thwarted by Prosciutto, who is desperately clawing his way out of the grave he's dug for himself.'

This chapter features lots of angst, a bit of yuri, and a LOT of Prosciutto and Ghiaccio 😛 bone apple teeth! ive been writing since 10pm, it's currenly 7:47am, imgonna pass out

[naomijoestar]

I have an idear if you may 😌

La Squadra with a person who has a healing stand BUT the Stand is like a giant version of one of those microwaveable plushies (with its own heating ofc) so you can get cozy and healed at the same time :3

Masterlist here <3

I love this so much omg! I loved writing this especially because we usually see most of la squadra’s members with a tough exterior but this shows their soft side instead <3 I hope you enjoy!

La Squadra with a member who has a healing stand that takes the form of a giant warm plushie

Risotto Nero

Risotto was not the kind of man to indulge in creature comforts. The others joked that he’d never even touched a pillow before. Yet, after a mission where he’d taken a bullet to the shoulder, you decided he didn’t have much of a choice

“You don’t need to—” he started, his deep voice gruff and serious, but you were already calling your Stand to his side. The plush appeared, draping itself over him like a weighted blanket. Its heat seeped into his muscles as it began to heal his injury

Risotto froze, clearly unsure how to react. For a moment, you wondered if he was going to shove it away, but then he let out a slow, almost inaudible sigh

“… It’s efficient,” he said finally, as though trying to convince himself more than you. He remained completely still while the plush did its work, though his sharp eyes occasionally darted around the room, clearly worried someone would catch him looking… cozy

“You can relax, you know,” you teased lightly

“I am relaxed,” he deadpanned, his monotone voice betraying nothing. But the slight way his fingers curled into the plush’s fur told a different story

Formaggio

Formaggio was the team’s class clown, so it was no surprise that he latched onto your Stand immediately

“I’m telling you, this thing is a game-changer,” he declared one evening, sprawled dramatically across the couch with your Stand draped over him. “You could open a spa. We’d make more money than assassinations.”

“Or you could stop using my Stand like it’s your personal pillow,” you retorted, though you couldn’t hide your grin

“C’mon, you know you love me,” he said, giving you a cheeky wink

The plush shifted slightly to rest more firmly against his side, and Formaggio practically purred. “Ahhh, this is the life. Prosciutto needs to lighten up and give this thing a shot.”

Melone

Melone treated your Stand like it was the most fascinating experiment he’d ever encountered

“This is incredible,” he murmured, lying flat on the floor while the plush wrapped itself around his legs like a giant heating pad. “The way it generates heat… Does it tap into thermal energy? Or is it biochemical? Fascinating…”

You chuckled, watching him poke and prod at the Stand’s fur with an almost childlike wonder. “You’re overthinking it, Melone. Just enjoy it.”

“Oh, I am enjoying it,” he said with a blissful smile. “I’m just imagining the possibilities. Perhaps we could develop a combat application! Imagine this thing smothering an enemy—healing them, sure, but leaving them too cozy to fight back!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works,” you said, but Melone wasn’t listening. He was too busy rambling about lavender-infused knockout tactics

Prosciutto

Prosciutto was the hardest to crack. “A professional doesn’t need… fluff,” he’d said with disdain when he first saw your Stand

But one day, after a mission had left him with a pulled muscle in his back, you caught him eyeing the plush. He tried to walk it off—straight-backed and prideful as ever—but eventually, he relented

“Fine. Do what you must,” he said, sitting stiffly on the couch

The plush appeared, immediately wrapping around his shoulders. You saw his posture relax by about half an inch

“You’re good at this,” he said quietly after a while. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

You didn’t miss the way his hand briefly rested on the plush, almost like a pat of approval

Pesci

Pesci loved your Stand from the moment he saw it

“It’s so… cute!” he exclaimed, wide-eyed. “Can I—uh, does it, you know… work on stress too?”

You laughed. “Stress? Pesci, do you have stress?”

“Well, Prosciutto’s been on me a lot lately, and my shoulders are really stiff,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck

The plush appeared, settling over his shoulders like a heated cape. Pesci’s eyes widened, and he let out a soft, high-pitched sigh that sounded suspiciously like a kitten purring

“Th-this is amazing!” he stammered. “I feel like I could nap forever!”

“Glad to know I’m running a daycare,” you teased, ruffling his hair

Illuso

Illuso was too cool for your Stand—at least, that’s what he claimed

“That thing’s ridiculous,” he sneered. “What assassin needs a stuffed animal to coddle them?”

But when he twisted his ankle after a particularly bad fight, he had no choice but to hobble over to you

“This doesn’t mean I like it,” he growled as the plush enveloped his foot, the heat easing the pain almost instantly

“Of course not,” you said, biting back a smile

Illuso glared at you, but the way he slumped back into his chair betrayed his secret relief. You caught him muttering under his breath, something suspiciously like, “Stupid thing’s too soft…”

Ghiaccio

“I don’t need that fluffy nonsense,�� Ghiaccio declared loudly. “Do you think I’m some kind of child who needs a blankie?!”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re limping.”

“No, I’m not!” he snapped, which was a blatant lie

Without waiting for permission, you summoned the plush, and it tackled him like an overenthusiastic dog. Ghiaccio yelped, flailing as it wrapped around him

“Get this thing off me!” he barked—until the warmth kicked in. His expression softened immediately, though he quickly scowled again to cover it up

“… Fine. It’s not terrible,” he grumbled, crossing his arms

You smirked. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

If you enjoyed this make sure to check out my other posts, and if you’d like anything specific written for a jjba character/squad you can request it if my requests are open!

[lady-of-endless]

What they do for you after a rough mission

(La Squadra x Reader)

Summary: You, their lover and teammate, get back to the hideout, exhausted and disheveled in the middle of the night after a rough solo mission.

Author's Note: My second La Squadra x Reader. I love them so much that it's ridiculous already. If you're interested in the other one, you can find it here

Risotto

- He is always waiting for you to get back no matter when, both because he needs to know how the mission went and how you are feeling, of course.

"You're back..." He speaks in a calm tone, staring at your slightly torn-up clothing and tired expression from where he was sitting. Seeing how you're not that reactive, he gets that the damage is more profound and his gaze softens. "It's over now. Join me for a moment, tesoro." He says gesturing to sit next to him.

- Unfortunately, you must tell him the details, he is the one who needs to know, it's expected. However, Risotto is patient and gentle with you, not questioning anything, waiting for you to start when you feel like it. As you speak, he will push a strand of hair behind your ear and pull you closer to him by your shoulders. He will get you anything you need as long as you say it. He wants to be helpful and efficient for you but wants to know exactly what you need.

- He's not the one to praise you after such a mission because he feels guilty. Strong, guilt that clings to his heart as he looks at the state you're in. He feels guilty for not protecting you, for sending you out there alone, and more than anything, for making you live this way when all he wants for you is a peaceful life, happiness, and nothing like his way of life. You can explain that it was your choice as much as you want but this guilt will haunt him forever no matter what.

- Will tell you that you have a day off tomorrow, no other objections or questions. What happens with your tasks? He handles them himself without you knowing it.

Prosciutto

- You'll find him sitting in an armchair with a glass of wine, making it look like he wasn't waiting for you but just relaxing. As you enter, he doesn't say a word at first, which is rare for him. He gets up and slowly makes his way over to you, observing the state you are in, with his glass of wine still in his hand.

"From the looks of it, e chiaro how the mission went. You should change, you look more like a mess than a professional assassin." He says coldly but there is worry in the way his eyes are searching for yours. "You shouldn't let the others see you like this." With this, he hands you his glass and grabs your shoulders, walking you to the bathroom. You might be too exhausted to notice it but there's a certain gentleness in how he holds your shoulders, his thumbs slightly rubbing your skin. This might be the first time he sees you like this, which could be the starting point of him being more affectionate towards you.

- As you finish his glass of wine, he runs a warm bath for you. At this point, you start to wonder what has gotten into him. Prosciutto will sit by the bathtub on a chair, watching over you in case you fall asleep but not only because of that. He even helps you wash your hair, but you need to stay silent and not say anything about it, his condition. He'll wash your hair and shoulders gently to get you to relax and tells you how God damn spoiled you are. However, as he keeps washing you, you can't see his soft gaze. He's relieved that you came back to him.

- The next few days, he'll be attentive to your needs, and moods, to make sure you got back on track and more importantly for him, that you're alright. The treatment you got from him after that mission will go unsaid like it never happened. He doesn't mention this but be sure that he will repeat it anytime it's needed without excuses but with some teasing of course.

(ugh I love him sm)

Pesci

- Jumps from the couch as soon as he hears the door. His eyes move frantically over your figure, noticing your weary expression and the damage to your clothes, and become a stuttering mess.

"You... look like a mess." He says, hesitantly and timid for stating this. "D-did you have a difficult mission?". He's so worried that you'll have to calm him down first.

- After calming down, Pesci gets determined to make you feel better. He provides your favorite snacks, favorite movies, and basically, anything you want. On this occasion, you notice how attentive he is always to your preferences. He waits for you to tell him what you need like a sweetheart that he is. He stays up all night with you until you finally start feeling better, no excuses.

- The next day, if his older brother comments on you and how the mission went, he won't hesitate to stand up and counter his older brother. This attitude is so rare from Pesci so it shocks both you and Prosciutto especially (he's secretly proud). Pesci won't let anyone talk badly about you because even when you were a mess, he admired you so much for going through it and handling it the way you did.

Ghiaccio

- While you are gone, he is not worried about you getting it done, he knows your strength but he feels worried to the point of anger that he's not there to fight next to you. He waits for you, tapping his leg, grunting as he looks at the clock. Of course, he will deny that he waited for you out of worry, he'll say that he just wanted to make sure you got it done. As you enter, he automatically stops moving and silently scans your body for injuries first.

"Cazzo..." He curses seeing how you are a mess. "You look like you went through hell and back."

- Seeing how you don't even have the energy to respond with a comeback, he sighs and shakes his head. Ghiaccio pulls you to the bathroom motivating you to at least take a shower to wash everything off you. He waits outside, secretly leaning against the door with his arms crossed at his chest and listening closely in case you collapse out of exhaustion. Once you're done he hands you one of his clean shirts because he refused to go to your room and search through your clothes. Whenever you thank him, he looks away and tells you not to mention it. Another thing you shouldn't mention is how soft he is in this situation.

- For him, the lack of your usual attitude and teasing way of being towards him, is the thing that scares him more than he thought at first. If that passionate flame of yours that frustrates him is gone, he gets uncomfortably worried for you. He knows that something is bad but he's more motivated to find a way to help you with it. Ghiaccio is extremely frustrated that he's not good with empathy and can't feel what you go through but he tries his best to understand. He starts asking details about the mission but don't take it the wrong way, he just wants to know more before deciding on the best way of action. If the mission didn't end well and you didn't get the target eliminated, the next morning, the target is found dead. Ghiaccio was busy after you fell asleep. He tells you to shut up about it and tell the others that you did it. He didn't want you to keep feeling bad in the morning when you had to report to Risotto. Plus, no one messes you up like that and sees the light of the next day with Ghiaccio.

(his ability is ice-based but he surely makes my heart melt)

Melone

- He stays up all night every time you're out on a mission alone and he's not even hiding it, it's a routine. You coming back to the base is the highlight of his night. As you enter, he instantly looks up from his computer and takes in the damage you sustained. He sighs seeing how worn out you looked.

"Oh, cara mia, you look terrible. Come here, let me take a look at you, and tell me where it hurts." He says sweetly.

He seems calm and laid back but inside, he is so damn worried because he has never seen you so drained before. He doesn't know what to do in this situation so he initially analyzes and tries to guess your needs. Distractions? Silence? Rest? Shower? Intimacy with him? No, cut that. At first, his mind seems to run on algorithms like his Stand. However, he starts to understand that for you, it's better to go with the flow.

- It's easy to open up to him because of his affection and you'll be surprised by how much of a great listener he is. Melone uses this even during missions as an advantage but not with you. With you, he listens because he wants just to know how you feel. He won't give you advice, won't criticize your strategy of choice regarding that mission, won't encourage you. He'll just listen, tell you that it's important to recover first, and caress your cheek.

- Melone waits to see what you need at that particular moment. But, just so you know, he has everything prepared just in case and he won't say a thing. In the morning, there might be someone else asking why the hell is the bathtub full (he ran a bath just in case but you didn't feel like it and of course, he forgot about it). Melone is there to simply spoil you and make you feel that he will always have your back.

Formaggio

- As soon as you enter, no matter in what state you're in, he immediately gets up with open arms.

"Still looking good, gattina!" He welcomes you and already tries to lighten the mood. However, he hugs you tightly and runs a hand through your hair. You can feel and hear him sigh deeply. "What did you get into?" He whispers in a gentle tone.

He pulls you to the couch and has in plan to hold you tight the whole rest of the night, waiting for you to open up about it. He provides the warmest embrace.

- He needs to see a smile, even a faint one to be sure that you'll be alright. He works hard for it. He tries joking around but it's not working. Has the idea to put on an entertaining movie but you're too tired. Tells you some things that happened while you were gone but you don't seem to listen. After all those attempts, Formaggio naturally resorts to telling you how he felt on his first missions ever when he was a total mess while holding you and untangling your hair. Is surprised to see that you slowly opened up about it after he was the one to do it first without it even being his intention.

- He won't let the others tease you about it the next day if details were heard or if they saw you in that state. If they do that, they will see another side of Formaggio, a side that makes Risotto interfere before the conflict escalates. The others start to get how protective he is over you. As tense as he is from that heated moment, his expression changes immediately when he sees you, smiling warmly like nothing happened.

Illuso

- He welcomes you warmly with a smirk on his face, secretly excited that you're back. His smile drops gradually, seeing your loss of reaction to seeing him, looking rather out of it and lost. He understands right away what's wrong as he looks at you from head to toe. He walks over to you and grabs your wrist to guide you to the bathroom. He does this without any words, not being sure of what you want to hear.

- In the bathroom, he gets the water running at the sink and you get his idea. However, Illuso stands behind you and grabs your hands in his large ones. He washes the dried blood off your hands with gentle moves. He knows that the intimacy of this gesture will keep your mind off the mission.

- He thinks some praise can always help and that's what he gives you. He leans down and puts his chin on your shoulder as his hands slide over yours and starts whispering praise close to your ear.

"There, there...you did a good job. You held your ground out there, and you came back in one piece. You gotta have some skill for that, you know."

He tells you and watches your expression in the mirror from above the sink to see if it's working. He didn't feel worried for your state even when seeing you come back like that after the mission. Illuso knows that you're strong enough and you'll recover, you also got him and won't need to go through it alone. This and especially because what he felt was deep relief because you came back after all, alive. His worry was alive only for before he heard the door and your footsteps.

[nicherayyy]

La Squadra x Deadpool-like Teammate

Chat I completely forgot I wrote this and it’s been sitting in my drafts for a whole week💀

Warning: cursing and some gore ig

They were probably accepted because of their regenerative abilities

Like.. Risotto is genuinely impressed

They got shot right in the head? No worries, they’re fine

Someone tried to stab them? It’s not like it’s gonna kill them, chill out

So yeah, a good ally in mafia world

Other than that.. well.. maybe this new teammate is a bit weird

Or generally weird

Or as Prosciutto said “stupido bastardo”

The day when Prosciutto’s not trying to secretly age them and get rid of the body is a good day👍

It’s not like he hates them but he clearly dislikes them

But as long as the teammate is doing their job Prosciutto will tolerate their behaviour

He just begs Risotto not to go on missions with them

With anyone but them

Another stupid joke and he’ll shoot himself

Everyone in La Squadra is kinda concerned about the fourth wall thing

The embodiment of “Who are you talking to right now?🤨”

The concept of self-aware teammate is actually so funny

Imagine fighting with an enemy stand and your teammate is talking into the void💀

—Ehehe, you were wondering how we got into this situation? Well- —For the love of god just shut the fuck up and USE YOUR STAND

At some point Pesci thought that they were just lonely

They were not.

So he got to the conclusion that they’re just weird

Or not in their right mind

Or both

Melone likes their jokes

Really, he does

(But most of all his new teammate is scientifically interesting)

Like “WHY ARE YOU NOT DYING”

So their communication looks like “Ahahah oh I just love your humour! Please, tell me more jokes while I take some of your skin samples😊”

Please, don’t put the new teammate with Ghiaccio.

Just don’t.

The mission will just go down

(With a frozen teammate)

Tries to avoid his new teammate as much as possible

The whole la squadra tries to have them in separate rooms too

They know too well what would happen if the teammate gets the best out of Ghiaccio’s anger

Formaggio’s probably the only person who’s willing to go on missions with them

Dude’s having the time of his life fr

Hangs out with them after work

Illuso felt kinda bad for the new teammate because of their skin condition

(And their absence of hair)

It kinda reminds him about his fight with Purple Haze

He likes to make theories why the teammate looks like that because they definitely told Illuso something like “that’s how undiagnosed adhd looks like”

But otherwise, he’s impressed by their katana skills

And dance moves.