#anyway this about both his perspective on the gods and his interpretation of the deal with morri
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God, I love listening to Liam talk about Orym and his perspective on the story because at every turn he confirms that my interpretations of his motivations were exactly correct
#like not to brag but. it's vindicating to hear liam talk and be like YES. THANK YOU.#anyway this about both his perspective on the gods and his interpretation of the deal with morri#cr tag#i am watching an interview with liam btw
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Hi just wanted to shyly on anon come say that i really enjoyed pushing it down and praying!
The messiness of Will’s guilt and open-endedness of it all was intriguing. Do you have plans to expand on it? Got really invested too on how Mack feels and sees it all and did he go through or will he go through his own bit of panic? (Plus Gabe! How heartbreaking this all is for him ugh!)
Anyway: really lovely piece of writing and hope to read some more from you!
hiiiii omg thank u so much <3 tbh the instant i finished it i felt devastated that it was over bc i wrote the whole thing so quickly and in suchhh a frenzy it was the only thing i thought about for the whole week.
here's the thing - i would LOVE to write more in that little fic world but the most enticing way to go for me would be a mack pov and as much as that intrigues me i am SO scared to write from his perspective. i feel like i have a solid fundamental grasp on will smith hockey's fucked up little brain and i enjoy writing him!! however even though i think i personally am more similar to mack i have an irrational fear of writing his pov and feel like i'm going to mess it up (even though it's rpf and none of this is real and none of it matters and the whole purpose of rpf is personal interpretation and characterization). ALL THIS TO SAY a mack pov and/or expansion/continuation of pushing it down and praying is not an immediate priority but absolutely a possibility!!
mack definitely took a while to process will coming out to him and once he actually did he went fucking insane about it... hence why he stopped kind of reaching out to will and started spending time with everyone else and leaving will be. yes, he wanted will to have space to deal with it all but also mack was having an internal crisis <3 and was like wow this is a possibility now <3 and before my silly attachment to my best friend was ha ha funny it means nothing but NOW he's GAY and what if i'm hanging off of him all the time for OTHER reasons and not just because he's a good pal <3 i think he would also deal with his own share of internalized homophobia but rather than the religious bs that tormented wsh it would be more about mack's fear of failure/not living up to other people's expectations of him.
(god... now that i'm typing this post up i am desperately wanting to return to this fic. pushing it down and praying 2.0 becomes more possible by the minute)
gabe perreault is to me as ryan leonard is to most people in the little willmack bubble i fear. like don't get me wrong leno is also tragic and i am so fascinated by how he fits into all of this but i am weirdly attached to gabe and i find him devastating. whatever psychosexual homoerotic mind games leno was probably playing with will in juniors/bc i think will was probably projecting onto gabe as well... and i also firmly believe there was some gabeleno involvement... all three of them fucked each other up SO bad.
anyway wow this response REALLY got away from me here i meant to write like. two sentences.
tl;dr i am open to writing more for the little universe of pushing it down and praying! it will probably not be in the immediate future but i like the idea :) will and mack are both deeply repressed and messed up if in different ways and i like the thought of exploring that more within the context i've already built. + i love gabe perreault!!!!!!!!
thank you for reading i am kissing you on the forehead
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I will not be bested by tumblr being dumb so HOPEFULLY YOU SEE THIS ANON I AM SO SORRY I COULDN'T RESPOND DIRECTLY
Okay so this ask was a lot for me to unpack and idk why it took me this long to try and answer it but here goes nothing.
So heres the deal, at least in my personal opinion; you cannot control what other people do or what other people think. So if it's just the fandom itself being weird, honey just do your own thing in your own little corner of the internet and the right people who appreciate it will come to you on their own. I'm personally a bit of a rebellious hippie when it comes to this stuff, so my approach to seeing popular headcanons/theories that I don't agree with is to just continue doing what I want anyway bc at the end of the day I don't have to accept it, and they can't tell me what to do and no one said I had to follow the crowd consensus in order for my work to be worth something anyway pfft. You cannot control other people and they cannot control you, and you should not let fear of criticism stop you from carrying out your unique vision. What other people think of you and your work/interpretations isn't your business. And if they don't like what you're doing that much, then they can just block you so they don't have to look at it anymore, or vise versa. How they respond to the way you interact with fandom is not your issue. You do you and God will bring you the right people who will appreciate your perspective and will be happy to approach it with an open mind. Anyone else who doesn't think you belong can bite you, as it isn't anyone's place to tell you where you can and cannot be. Other people's headcanons/interpretations of the work don't HAVE to be yours. You don't HAVE to agree with everything people say or even everything the show you're into says. And if the show is generally wholesome otherwise (even if it has elements you might not agree with) then no one can really tell you not to write for it however you please. It's fanfic. you're not getting paid for it. And anyone who tries to tell you how to express yourself creatively within fandom is letting their entitlement and lack of maturity show anyway. Just block anyone who get's rude/nasty/condescending and keep doing you.
Jesus himself was going against the grain of popular culture constantly. He was never one with the "in" crowd and was constantly doing things no one else did. But he attracted those who were meant to find him because it was his unique light that made him stand out. Don't hide your light for fear of being judged by others. Let them judge. The right people who get it will find you, and those who don't get it don't have to stay. It is out of your hands and you shouldn't stress about it. God's got you.
On the other end, if the show itself is being weird and expressing beliefs/practices/values/whatever that don't sit right with your spirit, that's when you might have to exercise some discernment and recognize that you don't have to engage with it if you don't want to. Theres a lot of shows that have come out that I can't interact with because they trigger my discernment and squirm my spirit in ways that I don't like, especially if the thing that bothers me is a consistent thread throughout the movie/show/whatever. So if that's you, then pray about it, give it to God, and use discernment to determine whether or not you wanna engage with that thing and open that door into your life. You don't have to be afraid or anything. God will protect us from anything that means us harm, but we also need to be mindful of what we allow into our eye-gate. We need to be mindful of what we allow into our heads, and while we can't control other people, we can control what we consume. We have that power. So if you're feeling uncomfy with a show's content, you're allowed to turn tail and hit da bricks!! It's okay to say it's just not for you and walk away!
And of course if it's both then I would personally recommend just saving yourself the headache and letting that show/fandom pass you by. You know a trainwreck when you see it and while this aint a super popular way to live one's life; sometimes missing out is better. The Joy of Missing Out is a real thing and sometimes you can look at something and look at the community attached to it and immediately know it just aint for you and know that forcing it will only bring you stress and misery. So theres no shame in walking away and finding something else that you can enjoy instead. Theres plenty of that to go around.
By the way, I would absolutely read that "Harley Quinn finally gets real help and gets better people in her life to influence her so that things don't suck all the time" fanfic. That sounds wholesome as heck and I'd want that for her too. Feel free to DM me if you ever end up writing it.
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hey!! i would love to hear some of your head cannons for your ‘every man you’re every been’ fic because i am literally obsessed with their dynamic as a domestic couple who still struggle to express their emotions still.
i love you writing so much btw, you are fuelling my fight club obsession in the best way possible!!
Punching the air thank you SO MUCH for asking I am OBSESSED with their dynamic in this au
Me and manar were literally talking about this last night about the balance of domestication between the two of them, and we agreed that like. Tyler absolutely undomesticated the narrator in a sense, but the narrator also has a little bit of a counter balance effect on Tyler? He domesticates him slightly. They eventually reach an equilibrium. And maybe one day they’ll even get a bed frame who knows. Probably not.
Anyway this is corny of me but I took the love languages test for both of them and the results were actually very fascinating. Gift giving didn’t place for either of them so I’m completely ignoring it here. Both of them scored physical touch as their second place and quality time as their third place, but interestingly their first and last places were flipped. The narrator has words of affirmation as his first place, Tyler has it as his last. Tyler has acts of service as his first place, the narrator has it as his last.
I think this affects their dynamic very much as seen in “every man you’ve ever been” when Tyler says I love you to the narrator for the first time after they’ve been together for seven years. Which is an absurd amount of time to wait to say such a thing. But the thing is from Tyler’s perspective that’s not the first time he’s said it. Every little thing he does for the narrator is meant to be a declaration of love. But the narrator doesn’t necessarily interpret them like this because Tyler has never laid a foundation for what he’s trying to communicate with his actions. He just does things and expects the narrator to understand what they mean. He thinks it should be unspoken. And the narrator cannot function like that. The narrator doubts himself and the way Tyler perceives him constantly, and Tyler’s unwillingness to communicate how he’s feeling Does Not help. I think this causes a lot of issues in their relationship. They’ll figure it out eventually but it is a touchy subject for both of them.
Additionally how they met and get together in this au is something I’ve kind of referenced but I really want to eventually write a full on fic for. The way I’m writing it, Tyler and the narrator briefly meet on a nude beach in florida, Tyler immediately becomes obsessed with him and follows him home, stalks him for 18 months and then blows up his condo. The plot proceeds as it does in the movie, the narrator calls him after meeting him on the plane, they get a drink, they fight, they both really enjoy the fight (it awakens many things in both of them), they go back to the paper street house, the narrator starts living there, the encounter with Marla takes place, she and Tyler start sleeping together, the narrator wants to kill himself, yadda yadda yadda
Throughout all this tho the narrator is dealing with a whole identity crisis because prior to meeting Tyler the narrator had noooo idea he was into men. Like it never once occurred to him. He just thought he had the worlds lowest sex drive and was coincidentally not attracted to any woman he had ever laid eyes on. Then he meets Tyler and he’s already like Jesus Christ why does he look like that and why does it make me feel things. And then they have their little fist fight and oohhhhh god does it awaken things in the narrator. He thinks of little else. He’s agonizing and obsessing over this man and unaware that Tyler is just as obsessed with him.
Anyway, Tyler won’t make a move because he can tell the narrator is so incredibly repressed and is actively fighting against any impulse to do something about how he feels, so he waits until the narrator fucking snaps and then the two of them are all over each other, literally inseparable. Tyler tells the narrator about the whole stalking situation and the narrator is a little freak who thinks that’s the hottest thing he’s ever heard in his life, like, genuinely gets way too excited about it. And now the two of them are practically sewn together and cannot be pried apart. Bonded pair do not separate.
Other miscellaneous headcanons:
the narrator cannot swim
Tyler kisses the little mole on the narrators chin
the two of them have never and will never utter the word “cuddle” it’s always “laying down”
Tyler is the fucking miracle cure for the narrators insomnia. When they’re in bed together, the narrator can sleep. When they fight, Tyler uses this against him and will purposefully make sure he can’t sleep for days at a time.
The narrator cannot remember dates for the fucking life of him. He’s great at math, can calculate tip and tax in his head, has a fuck ton of formulas memorized for work, but cannot remember dates
He also frequently loses track of what day it is. He never knows the date.
By the time Tyler and the narrator have been together 7 years the narrator has only remembered two of his birthdays within that time. The others passed without him noticing. He has to do math with the year he was born to remember how old he is.
Tyler on the other hand remembers all dates, always, the instant he’s been told them. He always remembers the narrators birthday, their anniversary, and Valentine’s Day, among other important dates in his head
The narrator still has to sing the months of the year song they teach to you in kindergarten in his head to remember the order of the months
The narrator is autistic. I am an autistic narrator truther. He does not know this about himself nor will he ever know this about himself. He just thinks he’s a little quirky
The narrator is scared of driving and being a passenger in cars. He has his license but never wants to drive
The narrator wishes he’d studied something like English literature in college instead of finance
Tyler learned how to make soap from his mom
Tyler makes the narrator come to work with him at the theater sometimes because he cannot stand being apart from that man
That’s all I can think of at the moment I hope this suffices. Thank you for your kind words I’m going to explode. <333
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Apparently i needed to do a whole essay just about todays star trek sunday? WUH? HUH??? Okay anyway im culturally christian athetist and Literally just some guy on the internet but Sisko is The Emissary and please accept him into your heart
OKAY OKAY. theeee. literal narative purpose that the Fake Out Emissary guy is WRITTEN so he is an obstacle in and "social issue of the episode" thing aside. like. he could be his OWN very complex character, super juicy perspectives etcetc. But hes NOT hes a character in a FABLE. SEE.
Sisko is the MOST guy who doesnt want to do the thing EVER. im sure a thing that has never happened to any other religious important figure/messanger of the gods./s He is not a literal believer in the prophets. he does believe his senses tho. but that episode i think does a good thing in showing he does not just believe 'yeah theres aliens that live in the wormhole' a la the keiko school ep.
Cause sisko doesnt just believe his own perceptions. he believes the prophets/aliens perceptions too. sisko is so good as a character where we see him go up against character after character, and philosphy after philosphy. and i THINK. its a disservice to try and divide that into secular and religious aspects.
new not emissary guy so clearly interprets what happened to him. all these things for a REASON. see he would have DIED. but they saved him. he was removed from time. so CLEARLY hes been moved to bring something from the past. but sisko knows enough, even if he doesnt WANT TO. to know that doesnt make a lot of sense.
And they go to the wormhole to decide. does reaching the celestial temple FIRST give him crendence as the Real Emissary. but. of course, the prophet/aliens Have No conception of FIRST.
Well okay but the aliens/prophets. literally saved this man from death. Does That have meaning? well, they have no greater reason for healing him than, that is what you do with an injured person. does there ever NEED to be a bigger reason?
In fact, they YOINKED him out of the past, FOR SISKO. in the 'future'. they did something in the 'past' AFTER the thing they did in the 'present'. They DO NOT. experience time linearly.
SO WHY FOR SISKO? Well sisko is the one that talked to the prophet/aliens. and explained to them how linear time works. but they also showed HIM. that he is NOT linear. part of him exists in a past moment of loss of grief. despite that he continues in the present. They proving. Allowing for sisko to prove to himself, that he IS the right person, the person they choose, and thats a good thing.
AND WHY AT ALL? something the alien/prophets WANT. is the protection of bajor. (genuinly dont have enough of the show in my head to go more into why lets just say thats what they want). But they are NOT. telling sisko what do to or how to do it. part of siskos ability to protect bajor is his role/position in starfleet. part of what will MAKE him protect bajor is his feelings towards it. he WANTS to protect them.
Sisko is good for Bajor, as an Emissary, as a Man, in a way the miracle blessed famous poet was not. And getting caught up in the Religion as some Other Thing in that is kinda like a trap i think.....
like. grah. okay. episode we see directly after. Sisko is putting his GOD DAMN ALL. into representing Worf in the trial for like. Literal War Crimes. The option to lose, to go along with the klingon lawyers i guess. plea deal. IS NOT THERE. THE WHOLE TIME. We watch him and he is just In This Thing. Seeing everyones testimonies. which are given in such a striking non digetic format. one that blurs, linearity. that really PUTS the idea of perspective and recall and memory, in front of mind. btw.
This works to both as to make it more interesting, visually and emotionally. AND show there are completely mundane situations where this level of conceptional complexity come into play. If existence is just, things that happen, people who exist, etc. But what happens and who people are, is so fraught by perception, and our understanding OF peoples perceptions. We are working from perceptions of the past, decision of the present, and predictions of the future. So How the FUCK do you determine the TRUTH. OF ANYTHING? EVER!
But Sisko wins THAT GD CASE. by breaking the very CONCEPT of what they were debating over in the first place. The opposition said they agreed with the facts as presented, but want to decide what was in Worf's heart. WELL. the facts as presented WERE VERY MUCH up for debate. It was never a real ship that was blown up, or crime that was commited. All the while what was IN WORFS HEART was REAL, while the ship, was not.
AND THEN. we see Sisko reprimand worf for his actions. This Whole Time we had no SIGN of that in sisko. But now that Worf has been protected from that trail. There remains that An Incedent happened. (Except of course. that it didnt, it was an illusion) and the behaviour still needs to be corrected. So Sisko guides Worf into understanding that behaviour, his mistakes. (Which he already partly knew). They can settle that matter. Sisko lays out to Worf the assurance of future sucess and future dilemmas. With certainy. One day when you are captain. Which will of course. Happen. When you have Even more people to protect, which of course, you will, and maybe when you might have to sacrifice, which of course, you would. There will still be time to create joy, which of course, you must.
LIKE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME HERE? There IS NO DIFFERENCE. Between the religious Figure parts of sisko and the secular Officer. He is the same man. And he is Exactly the Right man. He IS OF BAJOR because he Decides to be and He WILL BE. Because time is not linear. He accepts the alien/prophets and the prophet/aliens accept him cause he is as keen and as canny at talking to and unweaving the ideas at play, the perceptions had and philosphies held by them, as he is to any mudane scenario. Because non off them are mudane. Existence is a headache and the stakes are monumental. But there's No Other Option and he will put Everything he is to it.
WEH HEHEHE. non linear aliens like yes indeedy. we did something in the past because of something we did in the more recent past. your past. what you call the past. LIKE. YEAH. OKAY.
#some shit#trek watch#UH. WUH? I GOT???? REALLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT SISKO?????#WHO IS THIS FOR????? MYSELF OFC..................#um. there always alway always better ppl to read if ur interest in what ds9 has to say about religion.#those who have it and are scholars of it im serious i LOVE that shit its great and its Out there.....#im. i guess??? i just think it does a good job of doing it for me#a person who does not. experience it/have it/ cant even fucking spell it well.#okay tumblr DID not data hole this and I DO see the typos but its late and I DO NOT CARE. okay.#oh wait i rmrb i wanted to say. LOVE my little pathentical disclamier post notes#i am also a person who like. believes in autonomy above all. and so i get! and have experienced like.#the emissary plot with sisko and the ideas of fate in general. have things that can like! idk. be uncomfortable?? with that in mind??#gosh how say. well okay obs part of being the emissary means a lot of ppl grab siskos ear alot! seems rude. he doesnt like it mostly! etc#and also more generally the idea that he is this thing and has no choice in being this thing. cause if time isnt linear and prophets r real#what is free will self determination etcetc#BUT. iDK! over time and with this combo of eps i just felt better abt that.#cause it is siskos choice to do these things. the same way its his choice to see a kid whos turning 14 soon and say#with a big smile! happy birthday. like. ya know? hes choosing to challenge the non emissary too.#and he is the emissary cause WHO he is and the choices he makes.... i think?
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COUNTERPARTS: Morpheus x OC
Summary: Kayleen was born to be the embodiment of Reality. Protector of the Waking World and Keeper of the Order. Naturally, that makes her a counterpart of the Dream of The Endless. Despite their differences in both approach to life and characters they are forced to work together to keep balance between Dreaming and Waking. Thank God, they are both professionals who DO NOT fight or engage emotionally….. Or do they?
And will anything change after Dream gets imprisoned, and gone for a century, leaving both Dreaming and Waking World crumble?
Pairing: Morpheus x OC
A/N: Not so much Dream in this chapter but we got someone else. Keep hanging on, there's gonna be more of him soon.
Word count: 2087
Epilogue:
Chapter 1 : Sometimes reality sucks
next - chapter 3 : A rough nightmare
Chapter 2
Welcome back to Reality.
Next day after a visit to the Dreaming was always a menace. The human part of me was quite burned with crossing the realms so I felt like I was hangover. Thankfully, I’ve quickly learnt how to deal with that. I mean, I live in the Waking, I am human and I gotta work for a living. That’s what reality is about. So living my second, undercover life and repercussions of that cannot get in the way.
For everyone who may wonder – I work as a teacher at the university. It was actually a funny situation, when a girl looking like she was in her late 20s applied for a position, but let’s face the facts. I am in fact so much older than I actually look. Like, SO MUCH older. Obviously, my knowledge is also proportionally bigger. I got the cathedra on the spot, after answering just a couple of questions. Funny thing being the fact that I teach writing. And before you start laughing about the irony of Reality showing how to make art just stop and think about it. Words are just the expressions of what’s in our heads but what is possible in the real world. No one would read something that had zero chance of happening, right? Stories are hopes for the future, deriving from the dreams and imaginations but rooted in reality. Serves my purpose quite well, doesn’t it? Besides, reality should not be confused with mundane.
As I quickly gathered my things and rush to catch a train I let my mind drift. Today’s class will be covering the topic of creating characters. Discovering the truth behind the words they say. A little bit of judging their motives. Not that I’m saying people are liars but there’s usually more than what they show. Let’s see than. A woman in front of me talking on the phone. She’s describing the party she was at during the weekend. It was amazing, I swear. I had so much fun and I believe Nathan finally noticed me. The truth? She attended a birthday surpise for her popular friend and for the entire evening she felt unimportant and humiliated. Almost invisible like a ghost. A little boy travelling with his mum. Looking like an angel just sitting there with his eyes softly gazing through the window. But in real world? He’s a real devil causing trouble wherever he goes, so his parents decided to take him to the therapy to get some help. Don’t get me wrong, but it’s in human nature to interpret facts and truths in their own. Nothing wrong with that, as long as they don’t get to deep with that.
Oh, here we go, another sleeper. Just an inch from falling of the chair. Morpheus gonna be so pissed but we got human in danger, right? I gently nudge him on the arm and catch him before he gets damaged.
-Hey, here we go! – I sit him back up
-Thank you miss. I guess I dozed off.
-I noticed – I smile at him – rough night?
-You can say so. I was bothered with the nightmares so I did not get enough sleep.
-Well, good thing is was just a nightmare, right? Reality always brings us back on the ground to gain some perspective.
-I suppose it does …..
-Anyway, that’s my station. Have a lovely day, sir.
-You too, miss.
Yeah, Morpheus gonna be SO angry with me.
When the class end I notice one of the students hesitate to leave the room. The girl name is Aubrey, she’s usually the active and bubbly one, always bursting with creative ideas but today she just sat quiet for an entire hour.
-Professor? – she slowly and shyly approach me
-Aubrey, hi. Is everything ok?
-No… I mean, I thought that maybe I could talk to you? There’s something on my mind that I can’t quite shake off. I really don’t know who else to talk to.
-As much as I appreciate that, have you tried the university counsellor? He’s the one qualified for that kind of situations.
-I’d rather talk to you. That is…. if you don’t mind – her eyes are basically begging for help.
-Of course. Please. – I encourage her to sit in the front row of seats and take a place next to her, patiently waiting for her to start.
-So… It’s actually a bit embarrassing, but…. Maybe, that was a bad idea – he abruptly stands up.
-Aubrey, please, let me help in whatever way I can. Tell me what’s happening – my voice resonating in the air.
-Ok – she sighs – it’s a delicate matter. A relationship I was in is crumbling. I blame myself because I never wanted to….you know – she rolls her eyes so I nod my head knowing exactly what she means. – I’m just not ready, but now everytime I see Trent, I mean, the guy, I picture him in some … situations …. That should not take place. Like… you know…. with other girls and …. – she starts to shake – I just can’t. You always teach us to search for the truth behind the words, so I though maybe you would help me get why is this happening? – tears starts falling down her cheeks.
-Oh, Aubrey – I look at her carefully – do you have any evidence of what’s going on inside your head? Did you see something? Or heard something?
-No, no, nothing like that. I just….
-You are just projecting, aren’t you?
-I guess.
-It’s ok, you know. You are so young, a lot of things can easily influence your mind. But I need to open your eyes now.
-What do you mean? What should I do?
-As much as hard it seems you need to talk to him. Ask him what’s happening. Focus on the facts.
-What if he lies? How will I even know if he’s telling the truth
I sigh. I hate this part.
-Don’t worry, he will tell the truth. You will know it, believe me – I reassuringly tap her hand.
-Thank you, professor, I’ll try that.
-Great. You know you can come to me everytime something captures your mind this way, right?
-I know.
-Good. Now, off you go – I smile at her – you surely don’t want to be late for your next class, do you?
I know this Trent guy, Aubrey was talking about. He’s acts like a popular boy, taking care of his reputation, posing like a playboy and heartbreaker, but in fact he’s broken himself. He uses this pose as some kind of shield. He’s in my 11.30 class, so I’m gonna put some reality trick on him. Nothing detrimental, of course, simply necessary means to mend two souls.
***
The conversation groups are usually small, consisting of 5 to 10 people. This gives teachers opportunity to focus on each individuals but also get into some interesting conversations – clash of characters and points of view. This kind of class is the one in which I’m a guest and the students play the first fiddle. I like that. Seeing passion and fire of some, logic and cold approach in others. A clash indeed. This will never get boring for me. We were basically in the middle of conversation when the clock showed that it’s time to end. -
-Ok, class. As much as I hate it and would love to continue, the time we had it’s over. Such a merciless one, isn’t it? – even though I have my abilities because of him – we shall continue this on Wednesday so keep your arguments sharpened and your minds open – Trent I’d like a few words with you, stay please.
-What’s up, prof? – any other student in his place would get cautious, asking whether one did something wrong or something happened but not this one. Like I said, such a poser. How do I even start talking to him, without meddling too much? Let’s roll the ball.
-How’s life been going, Trent? – I mimic his carefree tone – everything all right?
-Yep – he emphasizes the “p” - Pretty great. But did you really call me for a small talk?
-Not really I shake my head - I noticed some changes in your writings. You last essay seems a little more…. Intense in some descriptions, why is that?
-Well – he tries to hide it but his face becomes reddish. – Wait. How do you even know which was mine? They were written anonymously.
-Trent, please. After all the time I’ve spend reading students’ work …..
-So what is the purpose of anonymity then?
-To help you spread your wings and get rid of inhibitions. But … you’re not gonna tell anyone about it, are you? In exchange I’ll show you some truth in your life. – was that morally ambiguous and could be qualified as manipulating the student? Probably. So sad. Anyway.
-What truth? – Trent frowned in confusion. This one was never a smarty-pants.
-Well …. – I look into his eyes. It’s not hypnosis per se, more like a search for underlying meaning. No words are needed so that’s something and after all he won’t even remember being here. The whole procedure as I call it, only takes a couple of seconds. And now, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna mend some bridges with Aubrey. – I think you should go now, Trent. You have some other things to take care of, don’t you?
-Yeah…. I guess… See you Wednesday, prof.
As soon as he exits and I try to gather my things before lunch I hear some familiar voice coming from the door.
-You should be a therapist, you know? Never really understood why you choose a teaching career.
Oh, there she is. Standing there with her perfect smile, her black hair so similar to her brother’s (except curly) floating around as she shakes her head.
-Ego driven choice. I’m a show-off when it comes to knowledge.
-You are a terrible liar – she comes closer and hugs me. Ladies and gentleman, welcome on the stage, The Death herself. Dream’s sister and I daresay – my friend – Hello Kayleen – she smiles blindingly.
-Hello, Death. You truly are a sight for a sore eyes. How many boys broke their necks when you walked in here?
-Just a few I suppose.
-I’m even scared to ask , but are you here on business or pleasure?
-A bit of both, I’m afraid.
Start with good news than.
-Well, I came to visit you. Though maybe a coffee would be a good idea. Maybe in the university cafeteria….
-Oh, no. Don’t tell me you’re here for Ellen.
-As if I had any choice with that.
-Been that busy lately? – I grab my back as we head towards the cafeteria.
-No more than usual. But I see you got your hands full.
We both order out drinks – black coffee for me and cappuccino for Death , sadness dripping from our eyes as we look at cafeteria lady, Ellen. She is left with so little time as drinking a coffee takes.
-I would say its’ really no more than usual as well, but I can sense something in the air.
-What do you mean? Is it the matter of Waking or Dreaming?
-I’m not entirely sure. At least not yet. I can only tell we should ….
-Keep our eyes open? – she smiles widely.
-Precisely.
For a second we stay silent.
-You know, Dream’s been acting weird lately…..
-Oh no, please don’t . This is supposed to be a nice break from my duties. Don’t ruin it with mentioning your brother.
-Ok, fine, fine – she surrenders raising her hands– I’m gonna worry about him all by myself. But deep down you are concerned bout him. Is it not truth, Kayleen? – she lets the question hang as she finishes her coffee. – Anyway, gotta get back to work.
-That was a pretty quick reunion – I point out.
-I know. Not by my choice. You should come visit me though. I will have more time on Sunday, I believe.
-You're inviting me to the Sunless Land? You realise I'm still part human, right? - I look at her carefully, narrowing my eyes - I’ll consider that. - I shug my arms casually like a visit to Death was just a social call.
-Awesome – she hugs me again – you know, I’m right behind those black door of yours.
With that, she leaves, and the only words stuck in my head are “you are concerned bout him ”. Well, maybe I am. And maybe I shouldn't be.
next: chapter 3
#sandman#sandman x oc#morpheus#morpheus x oc#the sandman imagine#morpheus fanfiction#fanfic#dream of the endless#dream of the endless x oc#dream#dream x oc#dream lord#dream lord x oc#the sandman netflix#lord morpheus#lord morpheus x oc#the sandman#morpheus x reader#dream of the endless x reader#the sandman x reader
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Finally I found your account dedicated tu Megumi and Tsumiki and....I've read so many of your posts and you're totally right. Fandom nowadays is..idk how to call it..way too obsessed with male×male shipping ignoring way too obvious hints Gege is shoving to readers mouth. I mean these last chapters of Megumi being solebroken pointed by Sukuna and it's because of Tsumiki despite the whole backstory and motivation, his type it's all about Tsumiki...and fandom is still refusing and ignoring and also bullying if you have this kind of opinion..sigh. It's not only they pissed about megumiki possibility but also about yutamaki and itakugi (who also had tons of hints). This really is sad thing that audience is too dumb and can't read properly
Hey hey!!!
Ah my poor abandoned megumiki blog 🥲. Thanks for stopping by and glad you found this little corner of the internet! I considered deleting the blog but someone told me that it's a place for megumiki fans to come and realize that it's safe to love this underrated ship despite what the hive mind might say.
To your point about fandom, at the exception of one instance which I instigated, I've had a couple of trolls stop by and try to harass/bully me over this account and unfortunately for them not only do I love feeding trolls, they're also just not very smart? Like at all?
One of the trolls was adamant about Megumi and Tsumiki being blood related and like... SIGH... if this is the non-existent level of reading comprehension we are dealing with I just don't want to deal with people like that. The fact that they are step siblings is not even subtext ffs.
I've since untagged anything that includes the names Megumi or Tsumiki and only tag megumiki or megutsumi to preserve my peace of mind. Unfortunately this makes it hard to find this blog.
More word vomit under the cut...
Anyways...
You know what's funny? another moot and I kind of predicted that we would get an ambiguous moment between megumiki and that the fandom would cancel that moment and just say "oh its because she's his sister" and like... is this fandom predictable or what?
Because totally. Megumi's soul broke because of Tsumiki and all fandom can see is the itafushi and satosugu parallels.
And like... don't get me wrong, I actually LOVE itafushi and think it makes A LOT of sense--I just don't necessarily ship itafushi and that's perfectly ok.
So I have to admit it does irk me that megumiki gets cancelled by the antis and that reading the panel of Megumi declaring Tsumiki as his type is seen as a poor interpretation. LE SIGH.
Like there's this big account here on Tumblr who gets offended whenever the question comes up about Megumi's type and publicly declares that its canon that Megumi is SOLELY talking about Yuji here.
Me: ok yes. I get it. The kanji is hiding a secret message. But you're going to tell me that you think of your sibling when someone asks you who your type is? Because I sure don't. Not even to represent the idea of who I like. In fact, the idea of thinking of my brother feels repulsive to me. Ew. Gross. No!
It's like people can't handle the idea that Megumi can see both Tsumiki and Yuji as his type. Why is that such a crime? Like come on people, he's suuuuuuper weird about her and I love him all the more for it.
Oh wait... that's right. Gross, they're blood related! 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
The state of the fandom really is sad from that perspective. But I have to say that the fetishization of "gayness" is another huge problem--especially when people get called homophobic for not shipping the gay ships in JJK.
Like... my brother in christ, my two favorite ships are gay af and I am very VERY bisexual and pansexual. Please. Talk about poor interpretations ffs.
That's not to say everyone does it, but the vast majority does... unfortunately, a few rotten apples can ruin a fandom experience.
As you say, on top of fetishizing "gay", fandom is also misogynistic in this really weird way. God forbid you ship a hetero ship in JJK.
Like the reaction from itafushi fans when Hana had her wings torn by Sukuna actually broke my heart! People were legit rejoicing at the fact that Megumi stepped up to defend Yuji as though he wouldn't have done it for Hana if he could have.
So it's ok for Yuji and Megumi to loooooooove each other deeply (which they totally do), but God forbid Hana has a crush on him.
There's this REALLY good post that I reblogged to my main blog (but that I can't find for the life of me rn) that goes into the heterophobia that is rampant in fandoms nowadays. If I run into it again I'll make sure to reblog it here too.
Because that's exactly what it is: heterophobia and biphobia.
I get it that straight people and the dominant culture oppressed LGBT people for too long, and that's no reason for the pendulum to swing in the complete opposite direction and to hate on heteroships and the people who love them.
Honestly, I feel like at this point, the inclusive thing to do is to ship hetero ships. I know I ship a bunch of different dynamics, whether gay, lesbian, bi or straight. And I don't ship them because of their sexual orientation but because of the dynamic.
And that is not to say that people shouldn't ship characters based on their sexual orientation either.
Basically, ship and let ship.
Anyways, this is why I don't tweet very much at all lol 🤣. I word vomit too much for twitter.
Thanks for stopping by!!!
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Hey I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what’s the familial dynamic like between your self insert and Frank? And How does Frank get along with your other marvel f/os?
Because from at least my perspective, putting Wanda, loki and Frank in the same room… probably won’t end well. but they also have the common detail of they lost people they care about and are in the grieving process (although the handling of said grief varies).
Do you think they would bond over that shared loss or is it a ‘they are at each other’s throats regardless of the situation’ type of thing? /genuine, lighthearted
Anyways, SORRY ABOUT THIS WEIRD ASK, I’m just curious to see your thoughts / hear about your interpretation/your version of canon source material /genuine
Hey Ridley, I don't mind the question at all!
Source material-wise, I lean more on The Punisher (2004) than Netflix's Punisher, as I haven't seen it yet. And as for my other Marvel f/o's its sort of a mix of everything? Comics, MCU, Fox's X-Men (The animated series specifically for Remy)
Me and Frank met each other during a joint training exercise where he unofficially adopted me as his little Canadian brother, cause I'm a cheeky little shit and he thought it was amusing. This was before Frank was deployed to Afghanistan. And before Loki... Fell.
After I'd heard about what happened to his family, I left the school and went up-state to help, or at the very least keep him in one piece. He never wanted me to get involved, but I was his best man, and I adored Maria, like hell I'd let him deal with it alone. Doesn't matter if I've got my dad's mutation, now, and will live through anything these guys will try and throw at us... Punisher or not, he's still got a big heart.
Frank is like my father, Logan, and has always questioned my choice in Loki, but he made me happy, so they just did their best to intimidate a God.
As you can imagine, it never really deterred Loki in the slightest.
But Frank won't make a move against Loki (unless Loki starts it). And so far Loki's listened to me about not provoking him. Doesn't stop either of them from glaring at the other.
Frank and my dad get along in that weird guy way where they'll sit in silence with each other, and then afterwards they'll both tell you they had a great chat.
(Remy is an alternate timeline f/o from Loki, but Frank isn't a fan. It's not that he doesn't like him, he just wishes Remy would shut up sometimes. Remy's a very talkative man, and talks to fill the silence. Frank knows what Remy does for a living.)
Wanda... (Pre Wanda-Vision, haven't seen it yet) Luckily for me they haven't been in the same room yet, but I agree with you, I don't think it'd be quiet for too long. But I think they'd probably be willing to grieve together over their losses.
But no, thank you so much for asking! I really don't mind answering any questions about my f/o's, and how they interact with each other~
~Gabe
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The meaning of “I”
Chapter 104 spoliers!
Note 1. I’ll still be calling it “I” even though the translators are changing the way they translate it to be “peace,” because that’s what I’m used to calling it for now.
Note 2. Just a fair warning, this is a long post, but hopefully you enjoy!
Okay, I’ve been meaning to start this blog for months now but I’ve had no idea how to just start so here we are. I decided what better way to start off than talking about the newest chapter because there is oh so much to talk about in this one chapter alone. The first thing I really want to talk about from this chapter is the club’s song for nationals “I” or “Peace” as the translators have started calling it. Despite the fact the club has been working on “I” for a lot of chapters now, we still don’t know about the actual meanings and motifs that are in the song or what feelings they’re aiming to put into it. I think we haven’t heard much about this because the club is still trying to figure it out for themselves. Also, I’ve been questioning for a while what type of song Takinami would write for the club, and that was answered in this chapter.
What we do know about the song is that it has the 4-person part with Chika, Kota, Momoya, and Yoshinaga, a part where all 9 of the club members play together, a part where melodies played by Chika and Satowa and then Takezo and Hiro will intertwine, and everyone has a solo. It’s also been emphasized over and over that all 9 people are needed to play the song. Takinami has only given his usual vague hints as to what meaning he put into the song, because like always he wants the club to figure it out for themselves. Until we get to ch.104, in which Chika interprets it in such the opposite way of how Takinami meant it that Takinami finally feels the need to give him a hint as to what the song means (and thank god, because I really don’t think that poor Chika would’ve gotten it at all otherwise).

In chapter 104, we learn that “I” is actually a piece that can be played with any amount of the 9 parts and still be a full song. This is a huge deal, and honestly blew my mind when I first read it. Takinami has specifically pushed the idea that everyone needs to be there to play this song, knowing full well that in actuality the song would be complete no matter how many people played it. Everyone is still essential in his eyes because the point is the desire to play with everyone and the importance each member holds to each other. Takinami even brings up the conversation he and Chika had before Ku-on, showing just how huge of an impact the whole situation with Ku-on had on Takinami. With the performance of Ku-on, he saw what this group was really made of and what they were capable of, even in less than ideal circumstances they pulled through an intensely emotional performance. Takinami finally found a sound he couldn’t ignore. The conversation Takinami and Chika have in ch.25, when Takinami tells Chika he shouldn’t perform and Chika responds that he really enjoys playing with everyone, that sentiment made it into “I.” Except now, the tables are turned and instead Chika still desperately wants to play, but absolutely will not if it means no one else gets to and thinks that he won’t be able to, and Takinami has taken a complete 180 on what his stance was during Ku-on. Unlike in Ku-on, Chika is, in a way, trying to drop out, and now Takinami is the one telling Chika to stay and play. I honestly love this whole conversation between them, I love how Takinami gets pissed at Chika for even thinking about withdrawing from the club, I love that he points out that Chika is only 16 and does not have to take everything on himself, it’s just so great and just what I was hoping for: someone to knock some sense into Chika.
Anyway, then Takinami gives us the first hint as to what he intended “I” to mean. To paraphrase “Stop focusing only on what the others mean to you, and begin to think about what you mean to them.” This is something that pretty much everyone in the club has a problem with. They care about each other so much, will stand up for each other, but they don’t think about the fact that all the others care about them just as much. Takinami is trying to shift the focus from “these people are important to me” to “what do I mean to them?” hoping that these oblivious teens will someday get it. This works for so many of the characters.


Firstly, let’s talk about Takezo. He’s been club president from the beginning, and he’s always been a great one but has really come into his own. I think everyone sees him as an amazing club president, a leader that holds them together and believes in all of them as a whole and individually. He doesn’t see himself that way. Takezo has the opening notes of “I”, it all starts with him just how the entire club was brought together by him. He’s explicitly stated that he sometimes wishes that someone like Satowa could begin the song because he’s worried about the fact that his is the first sound in the song. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to give a strong enough opening because he still sees himself as a bit inadequate. But how does the rest of the club see him? They see him as this strong club president, someone who’s always been there as the foundation, so why shouldn’t he be able to start the song and be it’s foundation throughout? So, it would help Takezo if he saw himself the way the rest of the club does, because then he’ll realize just what he means to them and hopefully see what they do in himself.

With Momoya, Takinami made a big deal about the fact that he needed to want to play with the club, and that he had to want it for himself. This ties back to the conversation before Ku-on that Takinami has weaved through “I”. But it was also important for Momoya to take up an identity with his sound, to decide to be something, and own up to being someone with a mutable sound. He can fit in, but it all needs to be his choice. Momoya has also never thought about what he means to the club, and they keep surprising him with how friendly they are and how much they care about him. They just want him to be himself and stay in the club. Hopefully he starts realizing that soon.

If there’s one thing that Chika is truly terrible at it’s realizing his worth, both with himself and with other people. As Tetsuki says in ch.99.5 “I bet Chika never thought that he himself could be thought of dearly by somebody else.” Chika still definitely struggles with that. He has no problem letting everyone else know how much they’re cared for, how much they’re valued, but when it comes to himself, he still doesn’t see how he could be a person someone thinks of as dear. He still sometimes gets surprised by little acts of caring. With all this stuff with Uzuki going on, he’s more worried about the wellbeing of the club, meanwhile all the members are more worried about him than the state of the club. I think that’s almost incomprehensible to Chika, and yet it’s there, and in the next chapter it will hopefully come through loud and clear just how much they all care about him, but especially Satowa as she literally won’t let him do this alone.


Satowa, too, is terrible at realizing how much she means to people, as shown by the fact that Chika and the others literally have to spell it out for her sometimes. She doesn’t like being a burden, she doesn’t want to do anything that would disrupt or upset their lives. But she doesn’t really see how much those people care about her and that when you care about someone like that it isn’t a burden. Satowa’s self-worth is low, at least in some areas, and she always puts the club over her own desires or feelings due to having hurt people before, specifically her mother. Hiro even tells her in Ch.92 that the club can withstand whatever emotions she decides to express, but Satowa doubts that. Satowa, much like Chika, needs to come to the realization that people care more about her than they do the club, and again, thinking of herself from the perspective of how much the other’s care could help her realize this and her place in the club.

Chika and Satowa both are afraid of being selfish, they don’t want to come off as selfish and they want to put other’s first, but their own feelings realistically get in the way of them being entirely selfless. As Granny says to Chika in ch.77, you have to cherish yourself to be able to give to others and it’s important to think about yourself so that you can have a life you’re happy with. So, both he and Satowa need to start thinking of themselves in a more positive way instead of thinking it’s selfish, which could be helped if they looked at how other’s care about them, which is what “I” is all about.
Now let’s talk about these two intertwining melodies, one of which will be played by Chika and Satowa and the other by Takezo and Hiro, the section Takinami seems to have set aside for the oblivious lovebirds. Takezo and Hiro have each realized, on their own, that they’re in love with each other, and yet haven’t made the connection that the other feels the same way. Part of this is preservation of the club, but seriously how do you not realize? With Satowa and Chika, it’s even more complicated, and I plan to make a full post about it, but they certainly have never really thought about how the other must feel about them. Later on in the chapter, after Chika’s conversation with Takinami, Chika literally asks Satowa what she thinks of him. Not only did Chika take in what Takinami had to say, in the only way he’d listen which is through koto song terms, he thought about it while he was having lunch with Satowa and was trying to ask her a very important question about it before they were so rudely interrupted by the reminder of just how insane Uzuki is.
I think especially for Chika, Satowa, and Takezo, (who I look at as the main trio) this message of realizing who you are to the people around you is a huge part of their journey. They all need to stop denying themselves their own feelings, which is basically what Takinami was trying to tell them with “I.”
So, I seriously wondered for a while what kind of song Takinami had written for these kids. What better meaning could it have than pushing these people to realize just how much they mean to each other and start focusing on how those they care about see them, not just the other way around? Especially for Takinami, who puts up with a lot but ultimately wants to help these kids and believes in them.
I’m really glad he gave Chika the hint though, because I truly do not believe these kids would’ve gotten what “I” is about if he hadn’t given them that push considering they all avoid thinking about how the other’s must care about them, some of them I think are even afraid to think of it. It’s so perfect and I’m so excited to see where they go with it.
ps. I’m new to posting and stuff, so please be kind.
#kono oto tomare#kono oto tomare!#kono oto tomare chapter 104#kono oto tomare spoilers#kot#kot!#kot spoilers#kot! spoilers#kono oto tomare! spoilers#kono oto tomare manga#kot manga#kono oto tomare chapter 104 spoilers#kudou chika#hozuki satowa#takinami suzuka#kurata takezou#momoya natsu#kurusu hiro#takaoka tetsuki
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YES YES YES I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR UR THEORIES
Hello anon! I am very surprised anyone wants to hear my chutney but here's my Strange Man Hot Take with some hopefully interesting info for curious parties:
To be honest, R* included so much misdirection around the Strange Man's identity (especially in RDR1) that I'm not *totally* convinced they're married to any one idea. RDR2 also complicated things by introducing new religions into Red Dead's world (Voodoo, Old Norse, etc.): he's no longer limited to just Christian / Western interpretations, as in RDR1, and it's possible R* might try to syncretise him with figures from other faiths (they did place Bayall Edge in Bayou Nwa, where most of the Voodoo stuff is).
At the same time, though, I think RDR2 actually narrowed things down somewhat in terms of the direction R* chose to take his character, and what we were shown of that. There's still a level of misdirection in RDR2, but IMO, it almost comes off as half-hearted in comparison to what was basically trolling in RDR1 -- it seems like they were a lot more focused on playing the "bad news" angle the second time round.
Based on what we know, and on the balance of things, I'm not convinced that the Strange Man is necessarily meant to be any one thing or figure, but I do think he's meant to fulfil some type of Satanic role within Red Dead's world, either in main or in part.
I won't compare and dissect other theories or anything, I just thought I'd list off some things that people might find interesting:
Armadillo. The deal between the Strange Man and Herbert Moon seems to be a pretty textbook Faustian bargain: Moon is offered earthly rewards ("happiness or two generations"), and although the price was (tellingly?) never specified, it seems like the recent Blood Money update for RDO all but confirmed that the cost was probably his soul. Although it's left ambiguous what Moon actually chose, the Armadillo curse was possibly an unforeseen (for Moon) consequence of the deal's terms, which would fit with similar tales of the devil or demon in question taking liberties with their end of the bargain.
In the files, there's some great audio of Moon off the shits and straight-up saying "I've made a deal with the devil, and I will never truly die!" It's possible this was cut for its own reasons (too overt?), but as a lot of stuff was apparently cut from Armadillo, I'm guessing it was either cut when Arthur in New Austin got cut, or it was part of something that R* didn't have time to implement in the epilogue. Either way, if it's not actually in the game then it's not technically canon, but it is an indication of what R* was thinking during development.
There's a lot of audio from the Armadillo townsfolk in general about devils and "devil curses," but the only thing I know of that definitely made it into the game is a line from the town crier ("Devil has the town in his hand").
There's audio of the Armadillo bartender saying "I heard the Tillworths made a deal with the devil to keep from gettin' sick! I don't wanna die any more than the next man, but ain't no safety worth a man's soul." Possibly idle gossip, but given Moon, possibly not.
RDO seemed to flirt with the idea of soul-selling a little bit with Old Man Jones' line "Well, this is America, so anything can be bought -- even souls," but then RDO pretty much just came right out and said it with Bluewater John in the Blood Money update. Bluewater John also apparently made a deal, almost definitely with the Strange Man (given the Moon deal and how close Bayall Edge is to all the drama); he was based on blues musician Robert Johnson and the myth that he sold his soul to the devil for mastery of the guitar. It's basically a rehash of the Moon deal, except it's... not subtle in its dialogue about deals, devils and souls.
"I GAVE EVERYTHING FOR ART, AND I LEARNED TOO MUCH AND NOTHING AT ALL" written on the wall at Bayall Edge also sounds like a reference to another one of these deals to me ("everything" being their soul, and "I learned too much and nothing at all" the foolishness of accepting eternal damnation for temporary knowledge). I think Bayall Edge might have originally belonged to a painter who struck a deal with the Strange Man for artistic skill, but then the Strange Man slowly possessed him or something -- which could be why some of the landscapes depict RDR1's I Know You locations, and why the writings on the wall kind of look like they deteriorate in quality. The puddle of blood at the foot of the portrait might also be linked to this somehow (whose is it?).
It's the deal-making for souls that really pushed the "devil" theory over the edge for me, because I can't think of whose wheelhouse that would be in except a devil's, or someone similarly malevolent.
Alternative name. The Strange Man's character model is called cs_mysteriousstranger in RDR2, and he's referred to as "the mysterious stranger" at least once in RDR1's in-game text. This could be a reference to The Mysterious Stranger, written by Mark Twain between 1897-1908, in which the stranger is a supernatural being called Satan. (At the end of the last version written, he tells the protagonist that nothing really exists and their lives are just a dream.)
Bayall Edge. Bayall Edge was possibly based on a Louisiana urban myth called the Devil's Toy Box, which is "described as a shack. From the outside, it is unappealing and average. ...The inside of the shack consists of floor-to-ceiling mirrors, including the walls. No one can last more than five minutes in this room. ...According to the legend, if you stood inside this mirror-room alone for too long, supposedly the devil would show up and steal your soul." The Strange Man does show up in the mirror eventually, and it's kind of curious that the paintings that change depending on your Honour act as metaphorical mirrors. This was also cut, but in the files, Arthur's drawing of the interior of Bayall Edge is unusually sloppy, like his faculties were impaired or something.
"Awful, fascinating and seductive". John writes this about Bayall Edge after the portrait is finished, and I think that's as good a description of something like the / a devil as any, but "seductive" is a big red flag for me, because it's such an odd choice of word and, from a Christian perspective, it's so loaded with connotations of evil and sin and temptation.
I Know You. Some have pointed out that I Know You in RDR1 resembles the Temptation of Christ, as it also takes place in three separate locations in the desert, and John is given moral tests in which he must choose between higher virtue or worldly vice. John is also, in a weird way, a kind of Christ-like figure in that he ultimately sacrifices his life for others. I do think the "temptation" in these encounters is very surreptitious but very much there ("Or rob her yourself" -- excuse me??), but they may also be operating on a Biblical definition of the word, i.e. a test or trial with the free choice of committing sin.
RDR1 dialogue. I don't want to get *too* much into this because I feel like we're all just getting punked in RDR1, but I think the Strange Man's dialogue broadly fits with something like a "devil" interpretation, or at least doesn't contradict it.
I'm thinking particularly of lines like "Damn you!" / "Yes, many have" (which would work metaphorically but also literally, given that the devil was thrown from heaven by God and his angels), and "I hope my boy turns out just like you" (of all the leading theories, I think Satan is the only figure who's popularly conceptualised as having a son, or prophesied to have a son -- God obviously had a son, but that ship kinda sailed).
I think the "accountant" line refers to Honour (which even uses an invisible numerical system), and how John's fate depends on the number of both good and bad acts he's committed throughout his life, and how these weigh against each other. If the Strange Man likes to collect souls, then he would have a vested interest in auditing you and seeing if your accounts are in the black or the red, as it were (and providing you with opportunities to push yourself further into the latter...), because if you're bankrupt, you're his.
Blind Man Cassidy. Interestingly, Cassidy seems to distinguish between "Death" and the Strange Man, implying that he's something else beyond his understanding: in one of Arthur's fortunes, after his TB diagnosis, he says "the man with no nose [Death] is coming for you," but in one of John's fortunes, he says "Two strangers seek thee: one from this world, perhaps one from another. One brings hatred; I'm not so sure what the other brings."
Arthur's cut dialogue. In the files, there's audio of Arthur having the exact same conversation with Herbert Moon as John in the epilogue, asking about the Strange Man picture because he "just seemed familiar". I think it's interesting that, like John, Arthur also would have apparently recognised the Strange Man despite (presumably) never seeing him before. Given how strong a theme morality is in Red Dead -- and how much both John and Arthur struggle with it -- my theory is that they find the Strange Man vaguely familiar because they're both familiar with the evil within themselves, or the potential for evil; and likewise, the Strange Man "knows" John because he embodies evil in some sense, so is aware of John's worst sins (like his involvement at Blackwater), or possibly even all of his sins (which would be, like, a lot).
Honourable mention: There's such a greater emphasis on conspiracies, myths, etc. in RDR2 that I half-wonder if the Strange Man's RDR2 incarnation was partly inspired by Hat Man (~excuse the link~ but often it's hard to find good sources for the kind of weird shit R* includes in their games).
ANYWAY, this got a little long but I hope someone found all this at least passably interesting. Thanks again for letting me ramble about the video game man, anon!
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When I was younger, I used to play otome games, which were and continue to be hilarious for their absurdity e.g. getting transported back to the Warring States period and romancing Oda Nobunaga et al. I’d play these with my friends because of the bad storylines, and frankly questionable love interests and we’d spend all our time literally breaking down how bad these stories were, like jfc please actually do something, protagonist. Also in no way feel obligated to read this because this is just...word vomit for my own personal reference haha. Honestly don’t read this. Maybe one day I’ll turn this into some kind of actual essay about the impact on these games on wider culture or something (after I write about why romance in AOT is fine and everyone’s just reading it wrong and actually Isayama is peak romance writer and should write a massive Mills & Boon franchise around uh...some characters). But anyway.
However, amongst all of these was probably the game with the most generic concept was Wizardess Heart, which was this magic school which the protagonist attended. Over the course of two weeks, she would have to be partnered up with a “buddy” and they would help each other with their magic (they also fell in love over these two weeks LOL and quite honestly her best romantic choice was her roommate, which was never an option :( She was, for a while also the only other female character in the school who actually had a personality).
Anyway, the point is - the setting was clearly a riff on certain franchises, the whole system was super basic...but. These stories had no right to be as good as they were. Or perhaps they had every right. Because from the ones I played, they were...genuinely really interesting. Each storyline was a season, and there were three romanceable characters, who all had their own individual plotlines but...tied into one coherent plot, as either a protagonist or an antagonist, which I still find - kind of revolutionary for an otome game haha (I’m not counting Mystic Messenger bc I actually enjoyed getting to set up a bakery and cult investigation).
But honestly? These were within the universe, believable but also super crazy stories. I only ever played two “seasons” fully, because of the ticket mechanic, but the second one has literally stayed with me in terms of really interesting perspective, and the characters themselves because if the first season was mildly crazy, season two was insane and focused on these three characters: Klaus Goldstein (...no comment lmao, I do hate how he’s the figurehead of the game), Serge Durandal (the best character tbh) and Azusa Kuze (a piece of shit and not in a good way, what are the messages this game is telling us). Each season had a mystery as a premise, and the second one was about mysterious animal deaths occurring around the school.
I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to explain Wizardess Heart comprehensively, but the personal lives of these characters? Was crazy. I loved they all had cameos in each other’s storylines and were so tightly linked. Like you have Klaus who does actually have the least interesting plotline, but a shared tragic backstory with Serge (more on that later, because this is literally peak melodrama lmao). You have Azusa who comes from fantasy Japan in that universe, which has been overrun by nature spirits who are taking over because they think humans are overstepping their boundaries, and Azusa has signed a deal with one of them to bring back his dead brother, and in fact is being manipulated by visions of said brother (and even with that in context, he’s still actual trash for other reasons, and I can’t believe the happy end for his route is to get married and have kids with him EW).
My favourite character in this however was Serge Durandal who is also a premium shit-stirrer but never super maliciously haha (apparently I have a favourite character archetype I’m a fan of). Even now he’s literally the best character because he’s such a passive aggressive individual to Klaus (who deserves it). But their shared backstory cracks me up, is kind of sad and ridiculously absurd because they’re both so fixated on the past. I also personally find his storyline interesting from a character progression viewpoint, because he’s the main character’s idol when she starts at the school, but has mysteriously disappeared.
So basically in Klaus’ storyline, he always references this dead friend he’s hung up over (although the “friend” part is debatable maybe haha) and you help him investigate the dead pigeons. Ofc you then find out that polite, charming Azusa is the antagonist of the season and you have to play through the next routes in order to get a better picture of this. But throughout Klaus’ route, this character called Randy March (unfortunate name lmao) keeps on popping up. He’s funny, doesn’t treat the main character as inconvenience (best friend goals right there) but what’s more interesting is how he’s never in the same room as Klaus; as soon as he hears that he’s approaching, he just...disappears. And this continues for the whole of the story until the end, when they finally meet each other face to face, and Klaus reacts badly. Not quite in an upset way, more shocked - but it’s clear that they have a History.
So - cue “Randy’s” route. He is the same as he is in Klaus’ route, and still dodges bumping into Klaus, but then - then, they bump into each other far earlier in his route (one thing I do like about these stories is how the main character does actually have some impact on the plot. It all follows the same storyline, with the same conclusion, but they do diverge because the character happens to interact with different characters and some things can’t happen if she isn’t there for it). Leading up to this, Randy has been very cagey about being the main character’s “buddy” and insists he already has one, and he really, really gets awkward when the main character states that she really idolises Serge Durandal (who in this is like, IDK good at animal magic like the main character).
And then, my god, the reveal. The fact that Randy March is not, in fact, Randy March, but Serge Durandal (which honestly is such a cool name comparatively lol, I named all my other otome protagonists Serge Durandal). And that Randy March, is in fact, the dead friend of Klaus who Serge has been impersonating for literal years. On top of this? Serge was also a best friend of Randy, who was his “buddy” and leading up to Randy’s death, he and Klaus were involved in a rivalry over his friendship (and I’m not joking I do actually think this was some kind of unvoiced love triangle, because both Serge and Klaus genuinely say that they’re attracted to the main character because she reminds them of Randy, they need to get over this before they can actually engage in a romantic relationship with anyone else kthx. Also at some point, Serge actually says he loved Randy in a way that really can’t be construed as entirely platonic, and the main character says it as well, and considering her personality and the way she interprets things, when she says love - she definitely means romantically).
Klaus holds Serge responsible for Randy’s death, as the two were working on a project together which led directly to it. His first reaction on ever hearing Serge’s name is “the murderer” which continues all the way up until the end of the story when they resolve their character arcs (also incredibly satisfying).
Apparently the reason behind Serge impersonating his dead friend is because he felt so guilty and so ashamed and willingly accepted the blame that Klaus placed on him, he felt that if he became Randy, it would basically be like letting his friend experience the life he didn’t get to have, and he’s spent years searching for a cure to revive him. This has taken him to Hinomoto, where he’s become friends with Azusa (drawing him into the storyline) and back to the main setting of Gedonelune. Side note, Azusa, I’m not going to even go into your character because you’re such a piece of shit and I only played through your storyline because I felt compelled to get the full picture.
Ofc, this all links to the main plot - because at this time of year, there’s a whole thing related to a unicorn appearing in the nearby forest. This is a unicorn who has struck a deal with Serge years prior to the main storyline who is Serge’s last hope of reviving Randy, and Azusa finds out about this and wants to bring his brother back etc. and this all culminates in a massive showdown.
Intense.
Anyway, at the end of this, peace returns etc. and there’s a sequel I haven’t actually played but you know what’s perfect about the ending? Serge ends up staying on as a prefect - the same role as Klaus and they have to share a room. I cannot describe how funny their interactions are for the rest of the story and the other storylines they have to live together.
I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was, apart from an exercise in pinning down precisely what I liked about this story but - it’s certainly one that’s stuck with me through a LOT of otome haha.
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TFATWS episode 1 rewatch commentary
The first scene was so beautiful. I loved that we didn't start directly with the fight sequence. It feels way closer to the quiet beginning of CATWS and I love it so much.
The title is also SO NEAT, music's on point too but hey it’s Henry Jackman the one thing I’m sure it’s going to be great overall is the score.
The choreography is AMAZING, really well shot. Sam shielding himself with only one wing was MA-JES-TIC.
“WHAT'S UP” EXACTLY SAM EXACTLY
I did feel so uncomfortable in regards to the military aspect of it. Not that I was expecting anything else, but both here and in Captain Marvel the military we're good guys < 3 propaganda is so blatant and ugh:/ At least there wasn’t a literal recruitment spot like with CM.
The yellow filter in the Tunisia scene BYE please stop with the yellow filters 2k21
"I've been working with the Air Force for six months now" So, did Sam even catch a break at all after Endgame? Or did he just throw himself to work like SOMEONE did after being iced for 70 years. Hmmm? Sam????
"Essentially, these people, they want a world that's unified without borders" OH NO! HOW AWFUL, how evil of these bad guys smh
Joaquin: SO about Steve
Sam: :)))))) nope
"Moon stuff" SAAAM
#1 cry with Sam's speech, full on chills.. Fuck. Me. His voice about to break before saying thank you bYE.
Shady politician: "It was the right decision" (FUCKKKKK YOUUU)
Rhodey: *press any key to doubt *
I need someone to analyze the different curation of the two exhibits pretty please
NOT THE PHOTO POST-AZZANO JFC. That photo is my weakness, Bucky sweetie (also I find hilarious that usually when there are articles about Stucky and/or #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend they aaaalways use that photo LMAO)
In case someone wants to read the transcription of the texts about Bucky: "In 1944, while on a mission to thwart a Hydra weapon transport in the Alps, Barnes was thrown from a train and believed to have been killed in action. It wasn't until 2014, over seventy years later, that it was revealed that Barnes was alive, having been found by Hydra operatives. Captain America himself (i can't read) the effort to bring Barnes in only to later aid in a escape from custody having been convinced of his innocence. Steve's loyalty to his old friend, coupled with his refusal to sign the Sokovia Accords, led to the dissolution of the Avengers and drove the Captain into hiding with other like-minded Avengers including Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and Sam Wilson. The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown, habing been labeled a fugitive following his escape from custody."
"current wherabout unknown" but not the government, interesting. Also, pretty good summary of CACW from the public's perspective, although one of the things I always wanted to see explored was the public's reaction of the fallout of them going into hiding after Civil War (which I'm hoping we'll get to see a little bit of in Black Widow).
Interesting point about the 70 years without having Captain America. Clearly the sacrifice play wasn't enough this time to fuel the nationalism so they went with a squeaky clean John Walker instead.
Sam saying the shield belongs to Steve I'm going to cry now excuse me. Sam. Sam sweetie.
The No. 1 Captain America comic in the display ugH fuck yes
See this is how you do a cameo that has actual meaning. Thank god for Malcolm Spellman being a competent writer. That scene was so well written.
HAVE YOU PRAISED ANTHONY MACKIE'S PERFORMANCE TODAY?? Holy shit that last shot fucked me up.
I'm loving the use of the wide shots, especially in the flashback. The camera movements are in synch with The Soldier's state of mind and mission focus, so good.
EVERYONE STAND UP FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM aka The Winter Soldier theme composed by Henry Jackman.
Without a doubt the most brutal TWS fight scene there has been, People involved in Punisher and John Wick are involved in this and it SHOWS.
For the record, still stands that the only time we've seen him chocking someone with his right hand instead of the metal arm remains the Maria Stark assasination. I know it's probably because of blocking and the way the shot was composed but the implications are still bone chilling. God.
Uhhmmmm I'm very ambivalent about the "Hail Hydra". On one hand, it was 100% fanservice and the internet is probably going to go insane over it, and the dead way Sebastian Stan delivered the line. Good shit. Buuut what I love about CATWS is the way Bucky never, ever ever, mouths Hydra rethoric, and even when Pierce tries to gaslight him with it, it's just an empty effort. The Winter Soldier isn't doing anything because of ideological loyalty to Hydra, even if it's product of brainwashing, it's just sheer dehumanization. They don’t need him to say the words because he’s just An Asset. There are people who have put it more eloquently but yeah, I rather go with the fanon interpretation of that aspect.
The music growing louder with the shot of the keys. GOD.
I'm fine this is fine.
#2 cry with the therapy scene of fucking course.
The government monitoring Bucky is noooot going to end well lmao.
"We need to know that you're not gonna * slowmo stabbing motions *
Bucky: * nodding along slowly *
I laughed out loud.
"It's passive agressive" I love him.
The way this scene just sucker punched me in the face, made me weep and then had me cracking up. Amazing.
Therapist: You can't do anything illegal
Bucky: yup yup check checkity check. What IS considered illegal tho?
*aggresive tablet finger pressing *
"Then why isn't it rule number one?" Bucky your Steve is showing.
I love the close up shot. I'll keep saying it. It's so good.
"I'm James Bucky Barnes" yeah you are🥺
That smile is nightmare fuel LMFAO I love it.
Uhm the way I'm kinning Bucky it's not funny anymore damn
That whole “are you lashing out at me” rambling is really reminiscent of the bar scene in CATFA and how he lashed out at Steve after Peggy left. Uhm yeah fuck.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" "Peace"
"That is UTTER BULLSHIT" "You're a terrible shrink"
yeah ugly crying to ugly laughing speedrun for me
"You're free" "To do what?" jesus. That entire scene. #3 and #4 and #5 cries for moi.
Ugh that Brooklyn shot. Someone needs to do a gifset compairing it to the one in CATFA asap.
"It's like Monique but it's got a "U" in there for uniqueness" "That's absurd" LMAO
"You can't keep fighting with your neighbors" uHM * redacted redacted i'm shifting into 1940s mode abort abort *
"Nobody passed 90" "So young. Such a shame" FGADHGA
🥺🥺 yes flex those flirting skills good for you
"It's a dance to this things. You can't… you gotta warm up and I haven't danced since 1943. Feels like." #6 cry I completely broke down into tears with that.
This Yori storyline is going to punch me in the face with a metal fist. Great!
The TWS theme when he looks at Yori fuuuuuck.
GREAT LET'S GO TO LOUISIANA THAT WAS GETTING HEAVY.
Those shots of Sam in the car. Immaculate. Showstoping. Yes.
Marvel, what if instead of promoting the military industrial complex you put a lot of publicity about cars?
"Uncle Sam!" LMAO subtle.
Everyone trying to have the wings lmao same.
I've only had Sarah for a day but etc. Brooklyn 99 meme
Good mirroring about Steve and Sam family's legacy. Good shit. Goooood shit.
Sam is trying so hard ouch my heart. I can't imagine how painful the scene with them reuniting must have been. He 100% still feels a lot of guilt about being gone for those 5 years (and even longer before that).
"Maybe it is time for us to move on" uuuuuuuuuuh
"To the rescue" "Always" 🥺🥺 i love them so much already
That shot outside the restaurant is so beautiful. Can't wait to see the night scenes in Madripoor tbh.
"I tried the whole online dating thing. It's pretty crazy". Uhm well that is something that Bucky Barnes has now said. In canon. Damn.
"It's a lot" "You sound like my dad" LMAO
Every Bucky fanfic trope speedrun with this scene
"Wow you really can drink" OH you have no idea
Just realized we don't even know her name, well.
"You have any siblings?" "I have a sister" THE WAY I SCREECHED. We're definitely getting Becca
Well that escalated quickly. The important thing is to try?
I can't deal with this BUCKY SWEETIE #8 cry right there fuck
The wardrobe department is KILLING IT, there's such a difference between the outfits of the shows vs how ugly and generic it usually is.
"ThEre is NO such thiNg as on time. You're either EARLY or LATE . picK One" lmao the way he delivered that line
At first I thought the flag smashers had thrown two cars out of a window LMAO
"I don't know how jurisdiction works here, but I'mma have to place you under arrest" uhm yikes. The way they changed Joaquín Torres backstory to just random army nice guy #1 is not sitting well with me, what can I say.
Sam's wings motions I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR
Fuuuuck this guy.
"Funny how thing's always thighten around us" "Look, I'm on your side. After all, he's a hero". This script is C R I S P as hell, great fucking job.
"I don't care, I'm not gonna quit" "What are you trying to prove? And who you trying to prove it to" SHIT HSIT SHIT!!! UGH amazing. Look it's not necessary to say the show's questions out loud but how they flow between the conversations is still very satisfactory without feeling in your face about it. Inner conflicts have been set up fucking perfectly everyone * claps *
Ugh here we fucking go. I knew this was how the episode was going to end but my stomach still dropped like a rollercoster. God.
The score is on point. Damn. Damn.
God, Sam.🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
The captain america franchise's visuals in the credits are always so amazing.
Also, does anybody know why Mackie isn't first in the billing? Uhm what's that about?
ANYWAY CONCLUSION THAT EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE HOLY SHIT. I love them so much. The balance between the personal conflicts and the political aspect (although the military aspect is still very much yikes) was on point and it was overall a joy to watch.
#tfatws#tfatws spoilers#i'm so happy rn#sorry for the ramblings i just wanted to have it all written down#sam wilson#bucky barnes#captain america#tfatws commentary
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hello!! i just wanted to ask- i wanna do an ouat rewatch bc CAPTAIN SWANN but its pretty long and i honestly dont care for the other characters/how badly the overall writing was handled.. which are your favourite captain swan eps? anything them centered and i think ill just skip around to rewatch their romance as they did invent romance 😭😭 ty in advance <3
they absolutely did invent romance, you are right about that and i love them so much
UHMMMM as far as my favorite CS eps, here’s a roadmap of what I personally consider key eps in their journey (some of this is from memory but I haven’t done a full rewatch in a while so i’m going through the episode list as a refresher)
2x06: Tallahassee--this is a must-watch ep for any CS fan, and I really think this is the episode that sparked the fire that CS would become as a fandom. It has everything--flirtatious banter, all kinds of tension, deliberate parallels drawn between Emma and Killian’s pasts, as well as their first meeting being intercut with her relationship with Neal (which serves, especially in hindsight, to highlight just how sketchy that relationship was, and why she couldn’t bring herself to trust Killian--because the last time she felt this way about anyone, it ended horribly)
2x08 and 2x09: Into the Deep and Queen of Hearts--these episodes cover the race to the portal between Emma&co and Hook/Cora and while they don’t do a ton for CS as a relationship since they’re still enemies at this point, it lays great foundation for their future relationship development. Plus, sexy swordfight, Hook going out of his way to save Aurora’s heart--he may be a pirate, but he has standards ok--and Emma realizing Cora can’t remove her heart without her permission? Poetic Cinema
2x11: The Outsider--more of a Killian-centric episode, it shows a lot of Killian at his worst but it’s necessary for his overall character arc and I genuinely love looking back and seeing just how far he managed to come, to the point of eventually even letting go of his (very understandable) grudge against Rumplestiltskin.
2x12: In the Name of the Brother--am I including this purely for Emma&Hook banter in the hospital, and Killian saying ‘hey beautiful’ when he’s lying on the road because he just got hit by a fucking car? You bet I am. Also, go to youtube and look up ‘ouat season two deleted scene jello’, because it’s beautiful and there was a tremendous outcry in the fandom when we realized it had been cut from the episode lmao (It’s also the episode that made me start shipping Frankenwolf, which I’m still sad never went anywhere, but they had a lot of potential and great chemistry.)
2x22: And Straight On Till Morning--A few of the episodes in between have some fun minor interactions and flashbacks (and I always approve of episodes where Killian gets one up on Rumple, so 2x15 is fun for me if i ignore all the Neal bits) but the finale is where we finally get a glimpse of who Killian could be beyond his need for revenge. He didn’t have to come back, he didn’t have to bring back the bean and help the town--but he did.
Season 3a: there’s a lot of really good stuff here for Hook and Emma that is interwoven between the A plots of other episodes. I think, as far as half-season arcs go, it’s one of the best (and everything after 4a bombed hard, but I digress) But there are a few episodes that stand out if you don’t want to watch the whole season. (I recommend starting with the premier though, it was a really solid season starter overall.)
3x05: Good Form--this is the culmination of David’s poisoned-by-dreamshade arc, and is also Peak Captain Charming Bromance. Hook not only keeping David’s secret, but doing everything he can to help save him??? Poetic cinema. It also provides some crucial Killian backstory, showing how he lost his brother to the very same dreamshade. Plus, the character development--Pan offers Killian a chance to escape the island with Emma if he kills David, and instead, he saves him, refusing the deal and damn the consequences. Also also? The first CS kiss which drove the fandom WILD.
3X06: Ariel--not only to I love OUaT’s take on Ariel, but this episode has the infamous Echo Cave scene, which involves a lot of feelsy confessions and Killian being the one to tell everyone that Neal is alive and helping Emma save him despite his own growing feelings for her.....IT’S JUST A LOT AND I LOVE IT.
3x07: Dark Hallow--oh man, I’d forgotten about this episode, but it has Killian and Neal fighting over Emma, which may sound eye-roll worthy, but Emma is allowed to tear them a new one about it and it’s one of the few times she’s allowed to actually???? put her own feelings first so I have to include it here on spec
3x11 and 3x12: Going Home and New York City Serenade--these mark the end of 3a and start of 3b respectively, and it has some amazing shit like Killian vowing never to forget Emma and Emma smiling as she replies, “Good.” And then she and Henry are in New York with their memories completely altered, but Killian shows up because Storybrooke is back and in jeopardy, and he helps Emma get back to her family and her home and, much later, Emma finds out he sold the Jolly Roger to be able to do it and it’s just. It’s beautiful ok.
3x17: The Jolly Roger--there’s honestly not a whole lot in the back half of season 3 (until the CS movie) but of course anything named for Hook is a must-watch, and this is where we get the iconic line I swear on Emma Swan--which is Killian saying he’s in love with her before he even realizes it. We also find out just what he did to Ariel, and his attempts to make amends are what lead to Zelena being able to curse him, so it’s great from a character perspective as well.
The next four episodes round out the end of the season, and there’s a lot of great stuff in them--Hook refusing to get Emma to kiss him, but Emma feeling like she can’t trust him because he didn’t tell her about the curse to begin with, and then kissing him anyway to save his life regardless of the consequences.... but the only ones that are absolutely necessary are the final two episodes.
They are colloquially termed ‘The Captain Swan Movie’ for a reason, after all.
Killian and Emma essentially have an entire Time Travel adventure all to themselves, where they accidentally ruin her parents first meeting and have to fix it so that she’ll even be born, Emma finally getting into the storybook, the pair of them dancing at a ball, Killian rushing to save Emma only for her to get out of the cell herself, because “The only one who saves me is me.” Killian saying “I would go to the ends of the world for her... or time.” Finally fixing the timeline and making it back to Storybrooke and Killian feeling like he doesn’t deserve a place at the table so he doesn’t go inside, but Emma comes out to him anyway and finds out he gave up the Jolly Roger for her, the true start to their relationship...... IM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT I’M SORRY.
I personally really enjoyed 4a, the Frozen arc was one of the last good half-season arcs of the show, but a lot of people disliked it so it’s really up to interpretation. I don’t have as many Intense Opinions on this season (except hating almost everything about 4b and the queens of darkness arc), but I will say the episodes with good Killian/CS moments are 4x02 (Emma nearly freezes to death, Killian is desperate to save her, Captain Charming teamwork, my heart hurts), 4x04 (Emma asks Killian out on a real date, he tries to get his real hand back from Gold, things go massively awry and he winds up back under Gold’s thumb), 4x08 (Killian tries to save Emma from Gold’s plans), 4x11 (the 4a finale is just great in general), and then..... it cannot be overstated how much I hate season 4b, but 4x15 is the Killian-centric ep where his past with Ursula is revealed and he makes amends to her in order to get her to leave the QoD alliance and it’s great character stuff for him, and then there’s the season 4 finale.
Both parts are worth watching, if only because Deckhand Coward Hook still being a braver, more heroic man than ‘Hero Rumplestiltskin’ warms the very cockles of my heart, and of course the second part of the finale has him helping Henry to save Emma and it’s beautiful and also Emma watches him die for her and it is angsty as FUCK but gods I love it. Here’s where it gets tricky, though--my recommendation is, turn the episode off right after Emma finds Killian back in the present day of Storybrooke and they reunite.
Just turn off the episode there and skip right ahead to the s6 musical episode (Emma and Killian’s wedding ep) and pretend they got married and none of seasons 5 or 6 ever happened. >.> (Although I will say certain parts of the Underworld arc were incredibly feelsy despite how much I overall hated the season: 5x11 (the 5a finale, Killian as the dark one STILL being a better man than rumple, we love to see it), 5x15 (I am not immune to Brothers Jones feelings ok), 5x20 (emma literally takes a True Love Test trying to find a way to save killian, you don’t get more romantic than that--also Killian telling Emma to promise she won’t put her armor back up just because she lost him again??? my HEART), 5x21 (Hook does what he can from the Underworld anyway and zeus sends him back to Emma, they really just said ‘today I will invent romance’ and then Did That)
And then, yeah, just skip to the wedding. It’s beautiful, I enjoyed the music, personally, though I know musical episodes are hit or miss with most people. And if you turn it off when the last musical number starts (after the wedding ceremony, I believe) you can pretend it was the end of the show! =DDD
.....Oh my god I just rambled for years. I HOPE YOU FIND THIS USEFUL, ANON. I 100% support a CS-centered rewatch, their episodes were consistently some of the best across the entire series, and they are truly one of my favorite romances of all time.
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Gold Rush and Happiness are Sisters
Gather round everyone and witness the clown try to prove that Taylor Swift wrote songs about a married (now pregnant) woman in the year of our lord 2020.
Also this is a seven page doc in my google docs so like. Get a cup of tea and some popcorn.
Ok full disclosure this is…..mostly me clowning. Like seriously. Don’t take my words as the word of God, this is just my interpretation and how I listen to the songs. And as a (former? Idk man) Kaylor I’m going to want to make these songs about my ship. Acknowledge your biases kids.
Also like. I change my mind a lot, but for a while this theory that Gold Rush and Happiness are connected has been stuck in my head and I wanted to write it down and post it in case anyone else got something out of this.
If you read my last post on Gold Rush (here!) you’ll know I don’t think of it as a happy song. To elaborate further- I think it’s Taylor catching herself looking back on Karlie/that time in her life (Because I think Karlie is emblematic of the 1989 era for Taylor and is thus tied to the pain that came out of that, along with her ties to the masters heist) and reminding herself it wasn’t good and ended for a reason.
“Gleaming, twinkling/eyes like sinking ships on waters/so inviting, I almost jump in”
“But I don’t like a gold rush”
The sinking ship line makes me laugh. I like to think it’s Taylor saying she’s literally sunk our (dead) ship, but that’s mostly regressing to 2015 tumblr humur.
To the actual analysis, she almost jumps into these waters, maybe it’s literal (don’t text your ex kids, write a bop like closure instead) or maybe it’s more metaphorical. She almost allows herself to think the good times were the only times. Maybe there’s a desire to move back to nyc, capture the magic that she may have felt during the era.
“I don’t like that flying feels like falling till the bone crush”
But that’s the thing. It feels like flying at the time, but it isn’t a feeling that can last. These relationships built on temporary promises (we’re assuming here Taylor was a side thing for Karlie, not that serious and built not to last, even if there were genuine romantic feelings on both sides, which I think there were to some level) won’t last, and will hurt when they do end. At least, this one did.
“Everyone wonders what it would be like to love you”
Everybody wants who she’s singing about and is imagining what it would be like to be with them, they think it would be a fairytale. Hell, Taylor probably thought their relationship would be a fairytale against her better judgement. Karlie is a celebrity and a model no less, yes she has other things going for her (Koding and investments), her brand and her success in the fashion world depends to some degree people desiring and fantasizing about her.
“I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch”
The funny thing about that, Taylor’s the only one who knows the pain of that relationship, of being a side thing and never committed to. It’s draining. It's difficult. She isn’t allowing herself to jump into those waters.
“I see me padding across your wooden floor/with my Eagles t shirt hanging on the door”
I point out this line mostly because it feels like a Delicate call back (Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs). Am I reaching though? Probably. Also as someone with parents about the same age as Taylor’s (give or take ten years), I like the Eagles reference. Stream Hotel California for clear skin <3
“At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit”
Taylor was the first person to call Karlie out on her “I’ve tried!!” bullshit, how cute. <3
Besides this line being very iconic, it also shows to me that Taylor’s been frustrated with Kar even when she was busy giving her heart eyes. She’s a frustrating person to be around even when you are “turning her life into folklore”.
“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/With your hair falling into place like dominoes”
Damn that’s a gay couples lines you got there Tay. Wonder if you’re wondering what it must’ve been like for Kar to grow up in the model industry, and all of the pressure and exhilaration that entails. From a male’s perspective ofc.
I also take the dominoes line to be Taylor saying what must’ve it been like to have this easy idyllic childhood. Maybe Taylor is the first time Karlie’s been with a girl outside of a hookup and didn’t have to go through the pain of realizing she was into women until later in life. (Not that that’s not painful, it’s just different, and allows you to have a perfectly straight childhood/teenagerhood)
“And the coastal town we wandered 'round had nеver seen a love as pure as it/And thеn it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it could never be”
Maybe this relationship never existed in the way she thought at all. You know Carrie Fischer’s character in When Harry Met Sally and how until she meets the right guy, she spends the whole movie insisting that whatever married guy she’s seeing really loves her!! And he’s gonna leave his wife for her!! That’s what these two songs make me think about, waking up and realizing they were never going to leave their wife, you were projecting this whole story onto someone else, but that doesn’t mean there was no value in what happened.
“And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it/'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it will never be”
The coastal town seems an obvious Rhode Island reference, to get more specific it reminds me of when Josh and Karlie visited Taylor at her Rhode Island home in 2014 and Josh looks peeved as hell. 1, 2 Also if I remember correctly, enty has a blind where he says there was a huge fight between Josh and Taylor which ended in Taylor not wanting to be around him again. Just interesting to note. (And if anyone has the receipt, please send it my way!)
Taylor may have been projecting this fairytale narrative at the time of being able to make it work, of being friends with Josh even but it didn’t work and the fairytale is left to be folklore, never made real.
The outro is the same as the intro to the song, implying to me that while she’s telling herself it was bad, you weren’t happy, she’s still catching herself missing it and what she had with Karlie. She left a part of her back in New York see, and she can’t stop her mind from retracing old footsteps.
Now, onto how I think Happiness and how I think it connects. I’m about to audition for the national team in the reaching Olympics. Wish me luck. :)
A bit of a preamble though, I don’t take this song ~super~ literally. Depending on what day of the week it is I think it’s probably her divorcee rpg simulator or her closing the book on her ex situationship gf on her own terms ~in a straight way~. So not to discredit this whole ass post but. Take with a grain of salt.
“Honey, when I'm above the trees/I see this for what it is”
See that bold bit? That’s the main connective tissue between these songs. She’s finally woken up and now that she’s this far removed from the relationship she sees what it was. To add to the pain of it all, this is especially potent if you wonder if Karlie gaslit Tay into thinking this wasn’t a big deal, they were just fucking around when Karlie has literal Softest Love Song You Are In Love dedicated to her.
“But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given/Is just shit we're dividin' up”
This seems to me to be a masters heist reference. Karlie since Lover, is musically tied to this event in Taylor’s life, it’s what I think is keeping Tay from making a clean break from her so to speak.
“Showed you all of my hiding spots/I was dancing when the music stopped”
This seems to be a Rep era/dwoht reference. Yes, Taylor constantly references dancing, but the hiding spots (loved you in secret! you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis!) combined with the dancing when the music stopped (I'd kiss you as the lights went out! Swaying as the room burned down!) brings out the full kaylor clown in me.
“There'll be happiness after you/But there was happiness because of you/Both of these things can be true”
This is probably some of the most gut wrenching lyrics Taylor’s ever written. Damn, imagine having that written about you. Anyway, the point here is the thesis of this whole damn post. Gold Rush is Taylor catching herself daydreaming about the happy parts, and reminding herself about the bad to make her snap out of it. Happiness is her coming to terms that both parts of that relationship were true. Things aren’t that simple.
“Haunted by the look in my eyes/That would've loved you for a lifetime/Leave it all behind”
This feels very Cruel Summer doesn’t it? “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” These lines make this relationship read as two things to me. One, it was very one sided, and Taylor/the narrator, was obviously left behind at the end of it when she was heavily invested into making this work. And 2, it was doomed from the beginning. Again. Big cruel summer energy here.
Or it’s a divorcee rpg simulator 3000. Now with extra glamour and opportunities to dramatically drink wine in dressing gowns.
I don’t have a lot to say about the second verse of the song that. Karlie has a nice smile, Gatsby reference, dig at whoever the next person to take Taylor’s place as a side fling (or a dig at Josh, or a baby reference since that’s what the Gatsby line refers to). The only other thing worthy of note for this post is the line following the Gatsby reference.
“No, I didn't mean that/Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury”
is the next line, where she regrets what she just said and admits to saying overly harsh things and overlooking the truth of the matter when she’s angry, which to me feels like a big Afterglow/Me! reference.
“There'll be happiness after me/But there was happiness because of me/Both of these things, I believe”
I think a lot of what Taylor’s doing emotionally in the chorus is legitimizing this relationship for herself. Yeah, Josh and Karlie will have a happy life in Florida with Ivanka and them, but Taylor also made Karlie happy too and she doesn’t want Karlie to forget it.
It reminds me of the way she talks about August, that she genuinely loves James/Karlie, and thinks they have something. But she’s just the pit stop on the commitment highway, and the depth of her feelings for the other person will never be acknowledged. It’s exhausting you know?
“In our history, across our great divide”
“Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea/That you put between you and me”
Nothing to see here, just a nifty parallel. Karlie doesn’t want wrinkles in her new life see.
“There is a glorious sunrise/Dappled with the flickers of light/From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind/And there is happiness”
This bit (which has some of my favorite imagery in this whole dang album!!!) reminds me of the end of the Wildest Dreams mv where she runs out to the car with the lover following her after the big charade of pretending not to care as much as she does, while knowing you aren’t the one that got picked.
Interestingly, if you look at the shot of the four characters together near the end, the outfits parallel the ones worn by Kar, Tay, and Josh at the 2014 Met Gala. This was of course the one where Tay and Kar got ready together and Karlie proceeded to spend the night with Josh and where Tay just looks. Miserable. (see here!)
The line also parallels Wildest Dreams lyrically.
“Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress/Staring at the sunset, babe”
Which you know. Worth noting.
The last line (And there is happiness) seems to point to there being happiness in leaving the bad situation just as much as there was happiness in the situation. It’s Time to Go anyone?
“I can't make it go away by making you a villain/I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven”
A series of thoughts. One, I love the first line where Taylor acknowledges anger isn’t going to make it better. There’s only so much being angry in this situation will do, and it’s not like Taylor’s record is clean here either. (I mean I assume. We know she went psycho on the phone anyway)
Two. Seven years in heaven is both a play on a famous game/turn of phrase (Seven minutes in heaven) but one of the more bold references to Karlie in her whole damn discography. Do I think they’ve been together for seven years straight? Not really. But do I think Taylor saw an opportunity and jumped on it? Yep.
“And I pulled your body into mine/Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties”
No thoughts head empty this line is a sucker punch and I love it. If anyone needs me I’ll be watching her perform ikywt on the vsfs and crying to yail.
“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness”
Oh look! Another Gatsby reference. Or Taylor calling Karlie out on profiting off of her association with Tay after they clearly did not end on good terms. (Folklore themed maternity shoot anyone?) I mean, whatever floats your boat.
A bit on the green light metaphor from Gatsby, because it’s worth noting even if I don’t have much more to say on it here.
“Situated at the end of Daisy’s East Egg dock and barely visible from Gatsby’s West Egg lawn, the green light represents Gatsby’s hopes and dreams for the future. Gatsby associates it with Daisy, and in Chapter 1 he reaches toward it in the darkness as a guiding light to lead him to his goal.”
Yes I copied that from Spark Notes. No I am not sorry. I have an exam tomorrow and I’m writing about a dead ship on a dead social media website. Sometimes we do what we must do.
I love the ending of this song, I really really do, it feels like taking in a breath of air and finally feeling free of the weight you’re carrying. It feels like a final goodbye, like Tay’s getting closure on her own terms and I truly love that for her. Bb’s stepping out into the daylight. <3
There is happiness
In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness
So, what was this whole seven page post for then?
Gold Rush and Happiness being connected has been a theory rattling around in my brain for forever and I’ve wanted to write it down for just as long. The tldr of it all is pretty simple, Gold Rush is about her reminiscing about the good parts of Kaylor, and pulling herself out of it, reminding herself it was bad and bad for her. Happiness is her legitimizing the relationship, and moving on while acknowledging there was bad and good in their story. It just took me seven goddamn pages to articulate that.
If you’ve reached the end of this. Damn. Thanks. Go get a snack or something, you deserve it after reading this.
#<3#hope this entertains y'all like i said been wanting to write it down for a while#hope i explained my points well!!!#kaylor lyrics#kaylor analysis#gold rush analysis#happiness analysis#oh and let me know if the links work!
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The Problem with the EDI Thing
It will surprise no one who’s familiar with me to know that I’ve sat on these opinions for what is, embarrassingly, close to a decade. I remember not having the vocabulary to explain how I felt at the time, and my opinion has done a little evolving since then, but seeing as I’m doing the whole Mass Effect thing right now, I may as well explain myself. I’m very much not a fan of the Joker/EDI pairing, and if you are, power to you. However, I have some feelings about that that come from who I am as a person as well as just surface level stuff such as not finding that romance particularly substantive, but there we are. I don’t have osteogenesis imperfecta, but I am a disabled person. Ain’t that fun to write. I’m not embarrassed about it, but I also don’t like talking about my stuff too much, since, like, it’s private? So forgive me for being a little vague. It’s relevant to the points I’m making, though, so bear with me I guess. So part of the reason I like Joker so much as a character is that he’s lived a life where people have just told him no, all the time, and yet he aggressively exists, even in spite of it. Wasn’t born into money, had a bunch of horrible problems, and didn’t ask for any of it. Everywhere he looked, some dickhead was at the door telling him to stop trying. However, he had his dream and his drive and his passion, so fuck what those people said. He went for it, he broke all the rules that people had put in the way of even letting him try. He knew that if he had a shot, he could do it. It was just about getting that shot. He knew his specialism could do the rest. Man, I relate. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been forced to have to “prove myself” to fit into someone else’s definition of what a “good candidate” is. There have been so many instances where, because I don’t ‘fit in the box’ like everybody else, I’ve had to work twice as hard and still get overlooked anyway, even despite having the knowledge or the skills. It’s honestly bullshit, so seeing him in the position he’s in really means a lot to me. It’s a breath of fresh air to see someone with such obvious struggles still do what they love to do. So, being disabled, you get condescended to, quite a lot for one reason or another. People talk to you like you’re a child, or make weird assumptions about what your life experiences are, or start being a dickhead to you once they’re tired of how you struggle with your disability. It seems like people just kind of expect you to get over it at some point, especially so if the disabilities aren’t visible. “I guess I just thought you’d be better at this by now” starts to become a phrase you can just tattoo on yourself and have a person point to whenever they want to say it so it doesn’t waste any more of either of your time. It can make you cagey, defensive, emotionally withdrawn, and fucking tired. Not only do you have to deal with whatever it is physically or mentally or both, but now you’ve got your own insecurities and other people’s insecurities about you to deal with all the time, every day. Some people turn this acid manufactured through this daily experience into sarcasm and dry humour, a sometimes self-deprecating deflection tool you can deploy to make people smile and defuse the situation and not talk about anything important because good god let’s not go through that again.
You can sometimes get weird ideas about whether or not you deserve to be loved like everybody else. Because you’re different, and you function differently, you can sometimes feel like you are looking at the world from the outside, on the sideline. Because you have a disability that does indeed work to your detriment, whatever it is, because of its very nature as a fucking disability and not a superpower, getting caught up in that question of whether or not you deserve to be loved and the “I just thought you’d be better at this by now” exasperation from other people combines into this huge ugly thing. Now, I’m a big fan of sci-fi and transhumanist concepts and I love moral and ethical discussions about what constitutes a person and all that good stuff. I enjoy EDI as a character and as a concept. I especially enjoy EDI when she’s a sphere with a little Winamp visualiser for a mouth, because I feel like it creates a lot more of a dialogue around that specific idea and it’s fun to talk about. When she looks like an abstract object, how can she be a person? And yet, she both is and is not. So, I find it more than a little thematically weak that EDI gets this like, 1950s style fembot body that looks like she’s wearing garters. I mean, I’m bi, I like hot women too, but that aesthetic decision was very strange and I felt undermined the previous and interesting work done to explore EDI as a concept. EDI grows and evolves in several ways throughout the games, but is, at the end of the day a machine, and doesn’t experience love in the same way, if at all. She learns to approximate human behaviour and eventually learns to mimic and anticipate quite a lot, but she is what she is, and I don’t think there’s any taking away from that. From a purely writing based perspective, I found that path fairly tokenistic and poorly justified, in my view. It also always read to me as ‘d’aww, throw the guy a bone,’ ‘haha pat him on the head and give him a toy’ type thing rather than an actual real emotional exploration, which, given how the entire game series makes it very clear to us that Joker is a very important character, seemed... weird. So when you combine all of this, I’m so allergic to the Joker/EDI pairing because personally I find it condescending. I find it communicating to me that, no, I and others like me are in fact not worthy of a powerful and passionate romance with peers. What we are worth is a tokenistic, fetishistic and ultimately unrequited fling with a fleshlight. Like, that’s how it feels to me! I get that my experiences aren’t universal or whatever but I’ve had nearly ten real entire years to think about it, and I can’t interpret it any other way. I literally do not have any animosity whatsoever where it comes to Joker and any other pairup. It’s only Joker/EDI and it’s fucking frustrating that that’s the canon one. I’m sure I can make another equally long and boring post about the case for Joker/Shep and I’m sure I probably will do because it’s not like we’re leaving the house much these days. Inb4 y u take fictional character so srs y u talk about art
#mass effect shipping#mass effect joker#jeff moreau#jeff joker moreau#probably fandomwank I don't really understand the term though#disability experience#disability and games#shoker
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Okay but what is the general consensus on Zhan Tiri eating Ri Ni’n I would like to know
:D
the general consensus is. there is no general consensus ALKSDFJK
in ye olden times, by which i mean ~500 years prior to the consumption and earlier, the dominant belief in the citir region where ri ni’n grew was. ri ni’n in a protector/guardian role and the... entity that would become zhan tiri (known by various names but most commonly gat as’la) as this... slumbering devourer figure kept at bay by ri ni’n the gatekeeper. really early on gat as’la was considered... frightening but not evil. a force of primordial violence and part of the natural creation/destruction cycle that the abralians, who were the dominant culture in the area at the time, believed in. this mythology began to drift more and more towards malevolence as gat as’la began to “wake up” ie take more of an active interest in humankind.
then! during the last decade or so before the shattered era begins, gat as’la encounters dione, who survives. no one has ever escaped before so gat as’la spends the next nine or ten years chasing her until that enmity sort of evolves into a mutual fascination. in 0 SE they make a bargain, gat as’la renames herself ẓanti’ri, and dione founds a cult in her name (the host of the rotted vulture). HRV’s characterization of ẓanti’ri has a lot in common with late-abralian characterizations of gat as’la—a cruel, violent devourer—but with the key difference of there being no notion of ẓanti’ri being held at bay by ri ni’n. she’s already here. they coexist.
(early HRV ẓanti’ri is a goddess of war and vengeance, pretty much, with a pinch of apocalypse death cult thrown in for good measure. it is not a nice organization.)
*deep breath*
to zoom out a little, zhan tiri’s domain is hunger and she is, to a much greater extent than the average sublime entity, sort of malleable in nature. most gods form when a significant amount of magic coagulates around an anchor point, and anchor points come from widespread shared beliefs or doubts or feelings about the cosmos at large. so, like, cathay for example began to form once sentient races started asking questions about what happens to people when they die. zhan tiri, on the other hand, actually predates the cosmos by a wide margin. she’s an abyssal parasite that crawled out of the dark country eons ago, killed jinarche, ate part of her corpse, absorbed and corrupted a big chunk of her power, and became... sort of a cosmic personification of hunger and sort of a cursed reincarnation of jinarche. and that cataclysm created the current cosmos with the separation between the profane and sublime realms etc.
ANYWAY THE POINT IS, zhan tiri is what she eats. i mean this in the most literal way possible. when she struck that deal with dione, dione’s soul became... hm. tethered to ẓanti’ri’s sphere of power, so while ẓanti’ri didn’t eat it in the literal sense it still became, in a way, part of her. likewise for the other acolytes of the HRV. so an unintended side-effect of ẓanti’ri being worshipped is that it infects her with little bits of humanity. this had already begun to happen a little bit during her pursuit of dione (and was the impetus for her to choose her name) but it accelerates as the cult took off.
around 420 SE, ẓanti’ri has a divine existential crisis and spends a few years wandering and brooding until she ends up in the peatland of what would become saporia and meets sorchā, who is a young poet and philosopher afflicted with her own ennui. they talk a lot, and sorchā starts to crystalize her own philosophical theories and, in particular, the idea of “choimghē” as an ideal combination of the profane and sublime. (ẓanti’ri also adopts the spelling of zhan tiri around this time.) the concept of choimghē fascinates zhan tiri, who goes to ri ni’n to seek advice or help achieving it.
(she goes to ri ni’n because, as the cosmic bridge, ri ni’n is of both the profane and sublime realms.)
now! zhan tiri and ri ni’n are not and have never been enemies. their relationship is more akin to the relationship between zhan tiri and huma or turul, i.e. they belong to the same, in a manner of speaking, family. there’s no like... biological relationship because sublime entities do not have biological relationships, but the four of them all developed around the same time and their spheres of power all overlap pretty extensively, and they’re all, like, compatible with each other. if turul is your patron it would be reasonable for you to petition zhan tiri for a one-off favor, for example, that kind of thing.
which is to say zhan tiri does not approach ri ni’n in an antagonistic way or at all with the intention of killing her, but... ri ni’n a) couldn’t help zhan tiri with this even if she wants to and b) doesn’t want to, because zhan tiri has spent the last several centuries being horrible and ri ni’n, who understands things like pain and fear because she exists on the physical plane and has a body, disapproves of that. so she tells zhan tiri that the only way to get what she wants is through more violence, which ri ni’n will not under any circumstances help her with, and that if she does go through with it she’ll bear the consequences forever. and zhan tiri is like #YOLO and eats her.
so like i said, zhan tiri is what she eats, so... there is a strong theological argument to be made that rather than ‘killing’ ri ni’n, zhan tiri engulfed and became her—this is the standard doctrine of the modern HRV. in any case she absorbed all of ri ni’n’s power, supplanted her as the cosmic bridge, and (this part is important) grew a body. (said body is a vast blobby mass of random things but she can smash bits of it into more... uh, coherent shapes when she wants to appear on the planet.) and part of having an actual physical body was that it came with physical sensations and real emotions rather than just vague impressions left by all the human souls she’d collected over the years so this whole process was a nightmare alksdfk and sorchā got to deal with this trillion-year-old god having a sensory overload meltdown for several months.
the point being, in the aftermath of eating ri ni’n, zhan tiri mellowed out a lot. became... gentler. experiencing pain for herself and the realizing she had done that to people herself was horrifying for her. and this is also when her sphere began to really branch and grow into the eclectic monstrosity that it is today, because while attempting to process all these new things she was experiencing her only real frame of reference was ‘hunger.’
( zhan tiri: love is when you want to eat someone but have them not, like, die because of it right
sorchā: no )
so ANOTHER perspective on the eating ri ni’n situation is that it was kind of a last time pays for all type of thing. zhan tiri slaughtered one of her own siblings for personal gain and, just as ri ni’n warned her, she’s going to carry the consequences of that and every act of violence that came before for eternity and the nature of those consequences also mean she now has the capacity to be better. one last shattering atrocity in exchange for her becoming, not an entity driven by the compulsion to take and take but one capable of choice even though she does still feel that urge. this is the framework the thorn syconium teaches.
then you also get myths here and there where zhan tiri and ri ni’n are understood as always having been one and the same, and their mythological enmity and the subsequent consumption of ri ni’n is interpreted as an individual entity having an internal conflict with itself, torn between its cruel and destructive urges (represented in the figure of gat as’la) and its compassionate and creative urges (represented in the figure of ri ni’n). in this conceptualization, ri ni’n is actually the triumphant half and zhan tiri’s ‘consumption’ of her is representative of zhan tiri embracing that side of her nature and bringing herself into balance. this view is especially popular with the sect of the HRV that resides in antares.
then of course there’s another perspective that is more grounded in scholarship on the abralian faith, where ri ni’n was this gatekeeper who kept this dangerous, malevolent force of destruction at bay and guarded the wellspring of life and so on, and from that perspective this is a matter of zhan tiri having triumphed over ri ni’n and the world now being in an apocalyptic epoch that will ultimately end in the utter destruction of everything.
and there’s the, like, demanitus framework, which is based on his writings and accounts of his battles with not just zhan tiri but also other gods, which takes things a step further to suggest that all gods are hostile to mortal life and the only way to avert the growing apocalypse is to cut off the sublime realm’s access to the profane realm altogether by removing the cosmic bridge. which is precisely what demanitus did when he banished zhan tiri to the dark country.
and then there’s the entities of the sublime realm themselves, who have myriad personal opinions on zhan tiri slaying and devouring another god because she felt like it and tend to pass those views on to their own cults. one of the reasons it is nigh impossible to kill one of zhan tiri’s scions is you would need the help of another god to do it, and zhan tiri is the largest, oldest, and most powerful god around, notorious for being extremely attached to her scions, and also a proven god-killer. nobody wants to get eaten. even cathay, however willing she might be to antagonize zhan tiri in other ways, wouldn’t do it.
and then there’s huma and turul, who as i said belong to the same ‘family’ as both zhan tiri and ri ni’n, and who i think were kind of like “zhan tiri what the fuck” about it. but it’s not like—despite the sibling analogy i keep using—it isn’t equivalent to the human horror that this situation, of one sibling killing and eating another, would provoke. everything ri ni’n was—her power, her magic, her essence—still exists. she isn’t dead, in the way that gods can die (by becoming unmoored from their domain, which shreds them and causes their magic to disperse into the sublime realm itself). she’s just. part of zhan tiri now. so for huma and turul it’s more of a “why in the world did you do this to yourself” sort of “zhan tiri what the fuck” than it is a “you murdered our sister?!” thing.
...so yeah. the general consensus on this depends a lot on where and whom you ask gjksdjkf. i think the thorn syconium framework is the one closest to zhan tiri’s feelings on the matter, unless she’s in a mood.
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